KFC Radio - Chokin and Crackin + Ron Funches Interview

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, share, and leave a review! -KFC is bringing back snaps -Feits is making some rather interesting investments lately -Choking -Ben Askren gets tko'd by Jake Paul and people think he took a dive -Top 5 Delinquent toys -Voicemails: Would you let Randy Johnson hunt you if he got to throw one fastball at you a year? -Can you crack your penis? (02:17:22) Ron Funches returns to the show! We discuss his new tv show that combines cooking competitions with marijuana, his recent show collaboration with Puma, best/worst high snacks, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @RonFunches Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIOYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to introduce to you the greatest show of all time. I had another thought. Yeah, let's do it. Well, you know how chicks are into choking, you know? How come guys are always the one dying from auto asphyxiation or erotic asphyxiation girls are professionals All right, Rock.

Again, before every episode, ready to rock? Shut up, Jackie. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. And I'll tell you what, this bitch is feeling herself a lot. How about that tweet to you, huh?

Holy moly. That was great. I saw that, and I was like, I almost felt like a parent beaming with pride. I was like, because especially because she's been so bad at Twitter. And I was like, she's learning. She's become self-aware. Do you smoke a lot of weed, Jackie? No. Your late night thoughts are good. No, it's kind. She's become self-aware. Do you smoke a lot of weed, Jackie? No.

Your late night thoughts are good. No, it's kind of embarrassing that those are separate thoughts. Your late night tweets are like, they're kind of like John's notebook, where it's like, oh, that's a good one. Dude, I was looking through my notebook the other day, just now before the show. I just have really messy font. I just have, this is stupid.

Oh, mama. That hurt. Did it hurt you? Yeah. I think I got caught with someone on fire. All right, well, I got to do it then. I miss myself. Do it to me.

I feel bad. I mean, let's be clear. It didn't hurt. Oh, yeah. Gets a little spark. How great are these things? They're unbelievable. You know I've been kicked out of many bars.

I tried to make this a thing of the summer. Just everywhere you go? Just go everywhere I go and just throw fucking these things. And they're like, Stop it, dude! Stop throwing gunpowder in our bar! Am I the asshole? Every time I see Glennie, I just quickly

throw one at him and he's terrified of me. And he's like, Stop it! Stop doing it! And he gets so mad, It's so much fun. Hang on a second. Now I'm going to go on Amazon. I'm going to buy a shitload of shit. Just before we started, Glennie was coming by.

And I said, what are they called? Snaps. Yeah, just Snaps. I said, Glennie, Glennie, Glennie, come back here. Come back here. And I went in the studio. And then I grappled him. Just threw him out.

He's like, god damn it. Cut it out. The first time I did it to him, he goes That was really mean I was like, Glennie, what the fuck are you talking about, man? This is not mean, this is awesome Snaps, if you're not understanding what's going on here Because you're not watching on the fucking YouTube If you're watching on YouTube, you get it

Snaps, those little You want to try to hit the camera? Probably like a couple thousand dollars I know Let's just do There's like eight here left. We'll try that in two weeks. This is our small protest for not having air conditioning in the studio. If you're going to make our studio 80 degrees, we're going to throw these fucking snaps at

your... Oh! Oh, that wasn't anything on that one. Oh, I just missed oh that hit it that hit it ah

you fucking bitch that one I missed by a lot I don't remember seeing the fire this big when I was a kid I think they

they added a little gunpowder to them I think well I think they always had gunpowder in them yeah chicken dinner I these They've added a little gunpowder to them. I think, well, I think they always had gunpowder in them. Yeah!

Chicken dinner! These things. Fuck you! These things, cap guns, and remember those little black snakes? You lit them on fire and then they grew? I vaguely remember those. Those are more like fireworks, like funny things.

Smoke bombs. Mount Rushmore of... Actually, we could do a top five. Let's do that. Should we do that or the top five high thing? Like top five delinquent toys. Okay. Let's do that. What's your number one?

Flaming tennis balls? Don't spoil it, John. We'll do that in a minute. we'll do our top fives because uh i found these i bought these during pandemic and then i the box yeah i think i think you just get them on amazon yeah um and then i i forgot about them a fun trick noisemaker this fun trick the fun trick this was not printed by someone who speaks English. Fun trick noisemaker. I put it on my top drawer. Step on it.

Pop it. I remember people used to kind of just like go like that with their fingers. I was like, that's scary. Yeah, they're psychopaths. Yeah, I love it, man. I love it. How many more reasons do we have to give you to watch this fucking show on YouTube? Which, by the way, 60,000 subscribers we hit, which means Rat Family Vacation is out right now.

And the scene that I saw from it is John, Marty, Casey, Nick, MB in bonus land at a brunch, at a breakfast the next morning. And they're drinking heavily. It's the first time I've ever seen a brunch, at a breakfast the next morning and drinking heavily. The first time I've ever seen a brunch like that. Yeah. Because you live them all the time. But you don't ever have film of them. You don't ever get to watch them. They're funny. Clearly just people just trying to figure out what the fuck happened. Just trying to live too. You're just hanging

on for dear life. John finding out that he got sexually assaulted by an old woman at the bar and then learning that it was kind of his fault. I was going to say, I'm not going not gonna tweet this but i did i will say on this because it doesn't count yeah this doesn't count we all keep secrets here like that one it felt like i was asking for that one yeah you were looking for it just as much as you i was wearing a pretty tight t-shirt and i was i was like not to not to victim shame but it was your fault yeah that one that one i really asked that that when you said, like, why was I getting sexually assaulted?

You had this look on your face, like, what the fuck? And then someone was like, well, Taylor Swift was on. And you were like, well... That look of like, well, you know, and our hands were tied. I went, all right, we're good. That, to me, is one of my favorite things. This could be another top five at some point along the way. My favorite things, the two that come to mind are, one, the next morning when you go to a brunch and you order.

My order would always be water, an iced tea with extra lemon, and an alcoholic beverage of some sort, whether it's a Buddy Mary, a mimosa, a beer. Well, you get a water, an iced tea, and a drink. So they just come with tons of drinks. And then you sit there and you try to recap you know what happened yeah fun the good the bad and the ugly the fun stuff the scary stuff the stuff you didn't remember you try to piece all yet i love that and the drive home i actually don't like that it gives me severe anxiety well it depends on how bad of a fucking person you are basically like it's like there they've definitely been nights where like i'll go'll go to brunch in the morning and be like, I regret all that.

I fucking really hope they don't tell me I killed someone last night. Yeah, yeah. No, usually they're like, man, can you believe you bought that last round of shots, like, 10 shots at 2 a.m.? And I'm like, that's okay. Versus, like, did you remember when you spit on that guy's face and then kicked his mom in the head? Like, oh, shit. That's not the kind of drunk I am. It's just the kind of

anxious person I am. You know you didn't do anything bad. I've been so drunk so many times in my life and I really don't think I've ever done anything horrific. I've done things where I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. We don't have to keep it a secret otherwise I go to jail. That's why I think when you use the excuse I was drunk where I'm like, well, I shouldn't have done that. I've never done anything like, that's why we have to keep a secret. Otherwise I go to jail.

That's why I think when you use the excuse, I was drunk. It's like, well, I do kind of believe in like drunk minds, sober heart sort of thing. And like, that was the real you come to an extent.

I think what happens, it's like there's sober you, and then you start getting drunk and then the real you comes out. And then you go back to like, now I can't be held responsible. You know what I mean? i mean like like it you come out the other side okay i see what you're saying so like when you're when you're drunk you like and you say a racial slur like that's who you are yeah you're drunk and you like cheat on someone that's who you are you fight you're like a violent guy those are all your real feelings coming to light and then when you're like blacked out that's like a

demon has possessed you right and you can't be held responsible. So it depends on where, how drunk you are. It's almost like if you're buzzed and you're an asshole, you're an asshole. And then when you're shit-faced, I'm like, that's fine. You didn't mean it. Your eyes are gone. You can tell when a soul has left the body. Absolutely.

This is a dead person just walking around. They are – I think you said possessed. If you still have a soul, then that's your soul. That's who you are. So the recap is one of my favorite things and the drive home from bachelor party weekends to me are way more fun than the actual, at least with my friends, because everyone thinks they're a freaking comedian,

so everyone's got like a stand-up routine ready to go. Recapping the funny shit that we did is funnier than doing the dumb shit that we did. I've never done that. Except I've never driven to a bachelor party. That that's why i was gonna say that's the thing if you and i've never i haven't been to any bachelor parties either so we we've done i mean we've done somewhere you like fly to vegas we've done somewhere it's like you just drive to jersey and or or even maybe like drive back from like an mlk weekend skiing anytime there's a drive home you get the right crew crew of guys in your car sometimes it's the worst because you get the wrong

crew and it's like this guy brought his girlfriend or this is the one guy we don't like but we can't get rid of or whatever it is then the whole ride's fucked but when you get like your crew in the car and it's just like laughs all around for like three hours driving back from the mountain or the whatever I enjoy those things

I guess what I'm learning here is I enjoy recapping things more than I enjoy doing them which I guess makes sense here as like a radio host and a fucking talker. It's like, let's discuss the events that happened. I was going to say, I forget what show I was on. I honestly don't remember. But I was talking to younger people, and I was like, you guys don't understand. Before memes, how men passed the time

we just said will ferrell movies that was like that was it like that was before the internet we would just be like whale's vagina from the movie with the thing yeah it was a dark time like when i like what so when i lived in newport in the summers when i was like starting at like 18 and like we would only be there for the summer we work and party that's all we did So when I lived in Newport in the summers when I was starting at 18, and we would only be there for the summer. We'd work and party. That's all we did. All I'd do was work and party. We didn't bother getting internet.

It wasn't that big yet. We had Facebook, but that was it. You didn't have something that you needed to check every two seconds. Yeah, I didn't have a Twitter. I didn't have a Twitter until I worked at Barclays. And we would just sit in a room that didn't have cable or Wi-Fi. We would have Laguna Beach playing on TV 24-7. We just had the DVDs, so it wasn't playing on TV.

We had the DVDs. And then we would just sit there, drink beers, and just say movie quotes. And it was great. Now it sounds stupid because you've learned another way. Honestly, I was saying in the interview with with ron funches where it's like those are what people say like oh like you sacrificed or you did that like i didn't those were the best times of my life like yeah i was really really poor and it was the most fun i've

right when john says you sacrifice meaning when we talked to ron funches today he's on the show we're talking a little 420 and stuff we were talking about when we were growing up and it was like i used to eat you know tomato soup with the craft singles and people would be like wow you were really rough in it it's like no we were roughing it but it was enjoyable we really liked it because we were simple like yeah like it really it's like more money more problems or it's like you get more money but you have more bills you get expensive taste now you have to keep up with the joneses when your life was just like all i need man is like a 18 pack of beer and like and i got to remember my old school quotes that's it like like here's a question for you do you think well

two parts i guess one is would you do this and two would it be better or worse would you go back in time and i don't know fucking men in black or do some device that just prevents social media from really ever being invented so like the blog life would still exist but the on your phone updating an app interconnectivity where you know people are looking for your take all the time that is no longer would i do it would you do it and do you think because part of me thinks that we it would still all be relative and we were the top dogs of me thinks that we it would still all be relative and we were the top dogs of like blogging and that was the form of consumption and so if nothing else ever came we would just continue to be the top dogs but would we ever become like would pen ever

buy us because we would never be like this ubiquitous fucking we're everywhere all the time sort of thing um i think i would i think i would because i think it was just so much eat i mean it's just it was yeah this is what we're doing competition we're preventing competition yes like like like like i say now if i if do you think you could get a job at barstool sports right now no no no shot no no shot i'd be like i'm a great writer they'd be like suck my dick nobody cares can you write tweets can you post on instagram can you make funny videos in 10 seconds like it'd be like i like i do long form writing Can you make funny videos in 10 seconds? I do long-form writing. Can you make a video with a fucking robot voice where something silly happens?

No. As a matter of fact, I'd be like, I don't want to work here. That sucks. This company blows. Go sell insurance. Fuck off. Yeah, I would love to suppress the competition. I'm going to work at Enterprise.

But man, if there was none of that, we would still be like, I don't think we'd ever become like a half a billion dollar company because there's just no way to get in everyone's eyeballs and in their brains 24-7. But it would be like, we just have to write blogs. I mean, the other day I was watching, yesterday I watched the Mets game and I, but I just didn't tweet through it, you know? And people were, where were you? What's going on?

I can't, I don't want to tweet. I made a point. I was with my kids. I was hanging out. I was like, I'm keeping my eye on the game. But then some awesome shit happened. Did you see Strowman's gold glove play where he pointed to his glove? He's like, gold fucking glove. And then they ended the game on a caught stealing. They threw him out to end it, to win it.

Cool things. And I was like, I should be fucking tweeting. But I didn't. And people were like where are you not a real fan i'm like i can't do this anymore the so i have two things uh to say here one is about the thing earlier um and just so we're clear here i just did four shots on lowering the bar yes john's drunk i'm not drunk i mean he did shots of israeli like liquor i'm gonna be a little all over the place but one as opposed to yeah this show like i don't have to apologize no we were saying last episode we're like how the fuck we went like 40 minutes before we got to our point i know it's either the best show in the world or the worst no i don't know

which one the uh but one so like the like with the pen and all that stuff and like i'll have like friends and family be like oh oh, this must be great. Or just different stages of Barstool where they'll say like, oh, that must feel like – must be gratifying. Like I finally feel like you made it. This is you made it moment. This is you made it moment. I literally only have one like we made it moment. It was when Dave said like I'll pay you $50,000 a year.

Right. That was the first – yes. I can survive doing this. Right, right. Everything else I really haven't cared about. I actually had one recently I don't know if you've, you know, I had my midlife crisis like last week

what happened? is it squirting your eye? guy's got a drinking problem god damn it was right in my eye at least it wasn't fucking gunpowder so the whole time I was

you know having my midlife crisis talking about like why don't I ever do these things investment wise and finance wise so I said like fuck it I'm gonna do it so I've been talking to people at Merrill Lynch and in the beginning I talked to a couple people and they were kind of like they were helpful

but they were kind of like blowing me off you know and then i finally sent over some paperwork like outlining like what the deal is and now my phone can't stop ringing i'm like oh i get it this is how it works um they're like great news we can like figure out a way for you to like not be poor i'm like finally took me long enough um so that was that was a a fun moment i was like oh they're they're like you know like right this way mr clancy you know what i mean like having a right this way moment is is a fun one too uh but wait what was so what i said i had two things uh so would you do that deal like would you yes but then i then I had something else.

All over the place. You interrupted yourself talking about the liquor. You fucked yourself. Yeah. Fuck, I don't know. At the record show, that wasn't me interrupting. The people, I... Oh, wait.

Oh, it was Red Sox. Red Sox. So, like, I haven't been tweeting a ton about the Red Sox this year, but I've watched, what are they, they're 11 and 6 now, I think. So I've probably watched 10 games and i've sent a few tweets kind of the same thing as you work i'm not tweeting full games or anything like that yeah and then like i had a few people be like you need me to be about once last year and i was like yeah they fucking sucked and it was a pandemic year and like they just fucking

let their best player they just traded their best player for fucking not nothing actually it seems but it seemed like nothing um and it was like i was like yeah like it was just it was not on my mind like in 32 years i took a year off of not really watching yeah so i just hate that suck my dick i'm gonna watch him i i you know i almost i almost lost it the other day when someone was like not not like kfc that fake fan like we're interested in Frank's takes and I was like, I'm going My rage knows no bounds!

I'm not here to do the fucking dick measuring, you know? It is so weird There's like a people try and compare like, I'm a bigger fan than you Really? You really think that fuck yeah it's like sure let's also it comes down to things too where it's like oh yeah like who was the backup catcher in 1989 i don't know who the backup

catcher was last year in one ear out the fucking other man but uh uh yeah it's it's i wonder too so i did notice this though i'm i'm being totally hypocritical here in a sense not that i'm blaming him for it but um the jake paul thing we'll talk about in a minute but i went to look at dave's uh timeline because he's like a boxing guy and i just feel like he is he just doesn't do that anymore yeah you know we used to cover like award shows and sporting events and when there was a big moment people would rush to our timelines to see what you had to say and he just doesn't do that anymore and i was wondering it's just when you get rich you just not do that anymore when you get so rich or eventually are you just like i don't care about you anymore anyway and when i mean you i mean all of you or is it just

like he you know maybe he's like i get know, social media is like a headache for me. I'm always getting like canceled. So I just don't do it anymore. Whatever the reason is, I just noticed that it's like, but once he got rich, it didn't happen. Wouldn't that be the goal to be so rich? Because I think of social media as you got to keep up with the Joneses, you know? Yeah. And then when you're so rich, you're like, I'm going to fuck with the Joneses.

I'm richer than them. I am the Joneses. The Joneses trying to deal with me. You keep up with me. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, that's a great feeling I I I guess I I think of it as like and this this is like I think Dave we used to say about

Bill Simmons too like Simmons didn't reply to people yeah yeah yeah yeah no fucking kidding I don't even reply to people anymore I'm a loser um but the uh i guess i always think of it as like you're like well you should come listen to my show you want to hear yeah i remember francesa saying that like i don't give the shit away for free and i do guess i mean in my mind i'm always like i gotta i gotta get people to follow me anyway i can i guess when you're truly just set with it where you're like you'll you know you pay for my takes but i also could see it being like once you're rich enough you just don't give a shit anymore. That's great.

I'm trying to get rich, man. I'm trying to get rich with Hogecoin, baby. Money, cash, Hoge. Money, cash, Hoge. That's the fucking, that's the motto. Blockfolio is the way to do it. Blockfolio is the most popular app in the world for cryptocurrency when it comes to tracking and trading. Now, I'm not even sure if they do Hogecoin yet.

I think they do do Dogecoin, though. Do we know that? They definitely do Doge. So you can get your Bitcoin, you can get your Doge. And they definitely do not do Hoge. And they definitely do not do Hoge. Okay. Ah, boy. Are you out on Hoge? Huh? What? No.

We started the show talking about remembering things at brunch. Oh, no. Is this something embarrassing for you or me? No, it's just something. It's just something I did Friday night. Oh, no. No, I just bought, like, $10,000 worth of food. Oh, no.

Bitcoin did a dip. And someone was like, oh, Bitcoin did a dip. Good. That's smart. I was like, perfect. Good. That's smart. That's not a bad thing at all.

That's a good thing. It's just money. Bro, I'm over here. It's not a bad thing at all. That's a good thing. Bro, I'm over here. It's not money I could afford, Kevin. That's a different story. I'm literally remembering it right now. It's not money I could afford. Kevin, I bought $50,000 worth of Atlanta suburban apartments. You think I can afford $10,000 of Bitcoin right now?

Newman County, it's 40 minutes from the airport. It's right off the highway. I got a message. I got a message. I got a message from one of the original Black Stoolies who lives down in Atlanta, and he was just like, oh, no. Oh, no. He bought a Newman? Oh, no. It's an off-and-coming

blue car, and they wrote Kevin! He said to me, I believe the exact phrase was like, there is no reason in the world why someone would buy an apartment in Newman or something like that. Oh god, this is bad too. It was a lot of FedEx employees. What? Because, I guess,

I don't know if it's FedEx, but it's like those companies that kind of basically work around airports because you're shipping all the time. And it's big in those companies. They're having a rough week. I said, what the fuck does newman need apartments for can i show you this i'm gonna show it to you let's see what you think it's well well well while you pull that up two years i'll basically get all my money back in two years well once you

get all that money head over to your blockfolio app and start tossing around so dogecoin i mean i could have had 45 grand in dogecoin had i just invested on blockfolio and i wasn't a paper hands bitch if i just had blockfolio and some diamond hands i would have fucking 45 grand today and a bunch of people here at barstool would have hundreds of thousands of dollars you can build your portfolio and uh follow the prices of more than 10 000 yo there's 10 000 coins that's like if you're out here buying the 9,999th crypto coin, you might have a problem. We might need to talk, Blackfolio.

But any of these coins are all available to easily purchase on the Blackfolio app. And, you know, you're getting it at the right time on some of these things. I think SafeMoon is another one that's coming up. I don't know if it's on Blackfolio or not. Some of these things are so rogue that they're off the grid but those are stupid ones to buy if they're off the grid so you want to buy ones that are real from bitcoin to ethereum uh now dogecoin all the other top tokens are available on blockfolio and you can get uh you can make your trades with zero fees and get a free coin with every trade over ten dollars

which i laugh at because i'm like they're probably giving you like scrub coins, but then the scrub coins become the fucking rich coins. And next thing you know, you're like, well, I got these free coins from Blockfolio and they made me goddamn rich. So visit the app store and download Blockfolio for free today. They make it as simple as possible, which is good because some of these things people are like, all right, you got to download it here in the blockchain here. And then you got to transfer funds here and convert it into the Ethereum. I'm like, I don't fucking know.

Make it simple. Make it easy. And that's what Blockfolio does. So download the Blockfolio app. John, just stop looking. I don't care. I really don't care about your fucking apartments in Atlanta. Hey, I just Googled.

I didn't even know if I was saying the right name. And so I Googled. What if it was a wrong town? I Googled Newman, Atlanta, and the first article that popped up. This is going to be great. They're the worst neighborhoods to live in Atlanta for 2021. You can't script it. I literally couldn't script it.

If we were writing a script and we said, all right, what's this scene going to be? I would say that's too on the nose. That's too stupid. That's too dumb. If you Google... The worst neighborhoods to buy. Google Newman, Atlanta. Literally, people also ask, what is the poorest part of Atlanta?

And then, where are the worst neighborhoods to live in Atlanta? That's great. That's just great. Worth it. Already worth it. That was a $50,000 investment for that joke right now. We should NFT that laugh and sell it somehow

and make your money back. That's good stuff. That is great. The worst place. What are the poorest places in Atlanta and what are the worst places to buy? What's the place in America that's most like hell? The place fights just to invest in it. See, here's why I would never invest in anything ever.

Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why, John. Anybody who is coming to me, I mean, you've had to have struck out on, like, the last 1,000 options. You know what I mean? What, did your grandmother say no? Right. So, like, it's almost like when people say they're afraid to trade with Jerry West in the NBA or Belichick in the NFL. It's like, if Bill Belichick didn't want this,

then you shouldn't trade for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, did you ask Bill? And Bill said no, then I don't want it. I shouldn't be investing in this either. But you're coming to me because I'm an idiot. The best part of that investment is that the guy was like, okay, I'll send you all the transfer stuff and all that.

And I was like, well, I'll just write you a check. And he was like, well, I'll just write you a check. And he was like, well, like, can you write a check? I was like, yeah. It's all in my checking account. He's like, why? If you're granting your checking, where else would it be? What do you mean? It was like way more.

He's like, why do you have that much money in your checking account like where else am i supposed to put it don't get me wrong though i'm with you on that but we're idiots like i would do the same thing but really where are you supposed to put it well the idea is you don't need your that money just sitting there you could put it into things that make more money for you even just a simple savings account has a higher rate of return but you might want to invest it in things i don't know such as an apartment complex and in the poor counties of atlanta it reminds me of one of my favorite 30 rock jokes when uh and and she's talking about a significant less amount of money than i have in it she's like i think tina fey or liz lemon is like she's like yeah i have like seven i think alec

ball and asked her like what she has for money yeah she yeah, I have like seven. I think Alec Baldwin asked her what she has for money. Yeah. She's like, I have like seven grand in checking. And he goes, are you an immigrant? That's great. And yeah. I was like, no, it's for a check. You can do that?

Yeah. I mean, I guess I could just mail you the cash from under my bed if you want to. At least it's not in boxes in closets. Like, you know when they say, like, secured the bag? Literally, John has a bag of cash. Payday. Walked out with my two-week paycheck on my back. A lot of people are just now, just now asking to be paid in Bitcoin.

I ask for pennies. Can I get that rolled nickel? Give me some US coins, please. Thank you. Ben Askren is the latest. Everyone, secure the bag, secure the bag, secure the bag. Ben Askren is that dude right now. I'm very disappointed.

You're disappointed? Very disappointed. In disappointed? Very disappointed In what? I liked Ben Askren a lot And now it's hard to like him And I just think Well, so what do you First of all, did you watch it?

I watched it Did you watch the whole thing? It was on all night The whole thing was like a fever dream I remember I tuned in when Ric Flair and Pete Davidson Were hosting the slap contest And I was like This sounds like something I would wake up in when Ric Flair and Pete Davidson were hosting the slap contest.

And I was like, this sounds like something I would wake up in the morning and be like, oh, man, I took Benadryl last night and had the weirdest dreams. So Pete Davidson. Wait, that's not my fever dream recently. No, please do. I was really sick. Please do. And I didn't ask my girlfriend about it for days because I was so sure it was real. And I just didn't want to talk about it.

Wow. That could be dangerous. I had a fever dream that these two women, because we just had new people moving to our apartment yeah and i had a fever dream that they walked into my apartment in the middle of the night and i like and i went out there and was like i was like get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here but i wasn't wearing pants i had a shirt on wait we need to pull but i was naked yeah down below yeah and they're like look this motherfucker's got his dick out. Like, put your fucking – and I was like, you're in my fucking apartment.

What are you talking about? Put my dick away. And then my girlfriend got mad at them. Like, don't come in my fucking apartment talking about my boyfriend's dick. And, like, honestly, I had that – I was really sick. It was probably two weeks ago. I was, like, sick. And it was, like, Saturday night or whatever.

And I didn't even bring it up until Wednesday. I was just like, hey, by the way, that was weird Saturday night, huh? She was like, what are you talking about? It's got to be a fucking nightmare to live with you. Now you got to worry about fictional scenarios that don't even happen bro I was like a fucking like an old like an old west person in bed

where like I was I had like the fucking like cold like cold presses on my forehead trying to deal with I was sick sick and it was like

can you go put the napkin in the freezer so I can put it on my like it sucked how about that though what are you talking about putting my dick away

in my apartment how about you remove your eyes from my dick away in my apartment. How about you remove your eyes from my dick's vision? Get the fuck out of here. I had a door. You just came through it. I'm not fucking walking on Fifth Avenue with this thing out. Strangers came into my apartment.

I came out to tell them to go get the fuck out. It would be weird if you were doing shirt, no pants, though. I've never done that in my life. Never, right? What a bizarre thing to do. When you... Wait, wait, wait. People in the house

are going to pop a shirt on real quick. You know you're like really fucking... You have some real body dysmorphia when you're having fever dreams about like,

well, I can't see someone. I can't let someone see me shirtless. Have you ever? I'll go out with the fucking flag and half mask. I want to see my love handles. Come on. Okay.

So the Triller fucking special, the Triller pay-per-view was terrible. I mean, it was one of the worst things i've ever i saw you i watched your one minute man on today like i said it was on the background like i i wasn't paying attention until the fight started i didn't see i do appreciate that it became a talking point i think nowadays if something's going to be bad i want it to be horrendous so that we can make fun of it so it was one of the more memorable type reviews for-views for all the wrong reasons, but at least we could talk about it. The performances, listen. I remember watching Bieber.

I didn't listen to it. He looked big. Bieber looked huge. His shoe was untied, driving me crazy. It was terrible. If you watch that Bieber performance and you think it was good,

like, you just can't be trusted with your opinion anymore. Like, it's just, I mean, it's, like, hold it up here. It just sounds like a guy, like, doing karaoke. I mean, that's objectively horrible, John. Right? I mean, that's terrible. He's like, it's okay. And Bieber, I mean, he, I don't know if, I've heard him sing well before.

Yeah. So I'm not saying he is like bad. Maybe, I don't't know but maybe if you have those mics that have the auto tune on or whatever but that was terrible and i just want i just want all the people i just want all the people out there to be like when people are like bieber's back i'm like okay so now i just know i can never trust your opinion on anything ever again just tell me that you're like a diehard bieber fan and whatever but you can't tell me that was good so that was supposed to be the big performance like if you're gonna do a music

trailer must have made $0. I was going to say, did they use that as a marketing stunt? I think they did. I didn't know Bieber was going to perform at that. Neither did I. That's what I'm saying. So, yeah, it wasn't very. Unless you already bought it.

Right. By the way, we also paid $10 million for Bieber. Why did you use that for publicity? I mean, they must have somewhere in certain circles, but you're right. I feel like I should have seen that. I mean, Doja Cat, Sweetie, like, they had big names. I mean, and Bieber being, like, the. I know Doja Cat.

She's the one who fucking said she's going to put her titties out if she went number one on Billboard. And it happened, and she fucking didn't. That's why you never make those bets, you know? Cowardly. That reminds me. The first rundown I think we ever did. 21 Jump Street had come out. 21, huh? Jesus Christ.

Maybe 22, but I think 21. No, it had to be 21 because the whole point was that it was surprisingly successful. And Jonah Hill had said to Channing Tatum, or vice versa, I don't remember which way, if we are number one in the box office, I'll suck your dick.

And there it was. So that was the question. And my take... That was the one, was this the Sony leak? Remember when the Sony emails leaked? Yeah. And then it went... Probably, probably that. And Channing Tatum sent an email to like...

Being like, fuck you guys? The executives of Sony were just like, fuck you! It must of sony were just like fuck you it must have been a long all that uh and i i here i am i'm i'm doing the rundown and i'm just like i'm nervous at this point dave's an asshole we don't know what to do and i'm thinking everyone's gonna be talking about like would you rather give or receive or whatever and i so i i was just thinking about the bet and i just said something like i was like that's why you should never bet I was like just said something like you should just never bet like a blow job being like you should never bet that you're gonna suck another guy's dick because if that happens

then like you have to suck that guy's dick and which is I just I don't know I just thought that was a discussion point and Dave was like that was the worst take I've ever heard in my life like like he was like the rundowns like sucks the show sucks I don't know was it that take I've ever heard in my life. He was like, the rundown sucks. The show sucks. I don't know. Was it that fucking? I don't know. Don't ever bet to suck somebody's dick. Dave's like, I constantly do blowjob bets.

He's like, okay, that's the worst take I've ever heard. Dan, what do you got? I was like, what the fuck, man? Anyway. I only give blowjob bets. I exclusively bet dicks in my mouth. Can I say something else now? Sure.

We're going to keep going all over the place again. I owe an apology to women, I think. John? Yes, you do. I don't know why, but yes, you do. All right. So I've been working out with my light boxer basically every day. And one of the funnier things – there's not an ad for it today. A free one there. You go, light boxer, KFC.

I think it's very funny that when I have a smoothie afterwards, it just gets all over my mustache. It's a fucking – it just gets all over my mustache like it's a fucking it's a nightmare and I kind of put that on Instagram now every once in a while I saw it I like how you say mustache

by the way yeah smoothie in my mustache and it is where is this going is it going to be about cum or something yes yeah

because it's a protein based liquid right and I got to scrub the fuck on that thing so every time I go I'm like what does it matter if it gets in your hair it's a Because it's a protein-based liquid. Right, right. And I got to scrub the fuck out of that thing. So every time I go, I'm like, what does it matter if it gets in your hair? Oh, yeah. It's a nightmare. It's a catastrophe.

I'm going to apologize. I'm going to apologize to women on my partner's behalf here for him not knowing it was a big deal until right now to cum in your hair. I knew pretty instantly that you don't want cum in your hair. Like, I just feel like, well, just go wash it out. We'll give it to you. No. Bro, I've dealt with enough cum to know that this doesn't just wash right out.

Okay? Anybody who has even experienced cum in any way, shape, or form knows. Where have you been dealing with it? I shoot it out of my own dick every day. Well, I mean, but where's it going that you're dealing with it? It's been on my arm. It's been on my... I've gotten cum on myself before.

Absolutely. And it's not been fun to get out. I've never my... I've gotten cum on myself before. Absolutely. And it's not been fun to get out. I've never had... You don't have body hair, man. You ever get cum on your stomach? It's a fiasco. I have. Shout out to YP.

R.I.P. The cum belly is like, oh, I gotta get in the whole ass shower right now. I gotta get the loofah out for this one. Dude, the other night, I was like, the other day, I was like,

I might just shave this mustache off. Just because it's too much. Why don't you drink the smoothie with a fucking straw? Is it that thick? You can't? It's funny.

Do it for the gram. I literally sit on my balcony and laugh at myself as it spills on my shirt. I show almost nobody. I put it on Instagram eventually. You are. But I could do one sip

and that could be it. No, I stay out there the whole time and just look at myself drink put it on Instagram eventually. You were. But I could do one sip and that could be it. No, I stay out there the whole time and just look at myself, drink a smoothie on a camera. This is the new world. I'm like, this is hilarious. See, we could have gone back in time and stopped that. We could have just been bloggers. Instead, it's like, check out my video. Look at me.

I got a cum on my face. I got a fucking sugary snack in my beard or fucking mustache. Yeah, no, that was a problem. I was in the shower almost like nodding. I get it now. Yeah, all right. I understand. I'm not going to cum in your hair again.

I promise. No more cum in the hair. Back to the Triller pay-per-view. So the pay-per-view stunk. We have not even gotten to Ben Astrid yet did you see the guy who faked the low blow

that was incredible oh that was unbelievable meeting the stretcher was I mean so here was that was that made Canseco

look like a fucking World War II hero right or did he just get a kidney shot that was like debilitating and was like

well I think people think I got hit in the dick so let me run with that or was he just faking the whole thing I think he's faking the whole thing because I thought maybe he took a good shot to like the kidney and was like ohilitating and was like well i think people think i got in the dick so let me run with that or was he just faking the whole thing i think he's faking the whole thing because i thought maybe he took a good shot to like the kidney and was like oh fuck i'm done but the ref was like no that was a low blow and he was just like yeah wink wink like it's stretching for me i'll run this

i because i haven't gone back it's like what the fuck bro i didn't punch him in the dick and he very clearly didn't he's gonna be like not even close like i don't think like if you kidney connected i don't think he connected that hard. It's not my body. I can't feel it. He was Costanza going to the handball. Oh, yeah. He committed to that bit. I did this once.

I did this once. I was playing basketball. St. Mary's, Star of the Sea. We played in this gym. Our school in the Bronx was just terrible. And the court, the out of bounds was like maybe a foot from the wall. Like your back was against the wall

when you were inbounding it. And then there were these metal heaters, like heat, base, I don't know, just fucking heaters. And I had like a clear breakaway and I just kind of like dribbled off my foot and it went out of bounds in like a big spot. And then we like scrambled for the ball to get it. We likeled off my foot. And it went out of bounds in a big spot. And then we scrambled for the ball to get it.

We dove for the ball. And I was so embarrassed. I was in fucking fifth grade at this point. And I was so embarrassed. We basically lost the game because of that. But we were a good team. We had some intense parents. And I was the only white kid.

And everybody was like, fuck this cracker. And they were so mad at me. No. No. But they were like... I mean, I would have believed you. No, they were thinking it. They were thinking it totally. They probably were like, not, but in my head they were.

And so I smashed into the heater pretty bad, but like totally fine. But I was like so embarrassed, and I just wanted to like stay down, and I just basically like completely faked an injury to get away from that whole fucking thing. I've done that too, only it was even way worse.

We were playing at John F. Kennedy Memorial Rink in Barnstable, Massachusetts. One of the sickest rinks ever. Sounds like it. Better be the JFK Memorial. The rink itself isn't anything special at all, but if you slap your stick on the ice, it makes a laser beam noise. We were like mites and squirts.

It just sounds like a fucking Star Wars scene. But there was a game. Hockey is a great sounding sport. It's the best? Yeah. Baseball is up there too. Basketball is obviously the worst. Squeaking. If you zero in on squeaking,

it becomes unlistenable. You can't turn the game off. It freaks me out. Baseball, I would go, I would personally say baseball just because of my sport, like it's my sport,

but the glove, the pop of the glove I think is better than the crack of the bat. Even though like, even like sliding into the base like that,

like there's a lot of good sounds in that. Yeah. But hockey's pretty cool too. Hockey, and then I think football is, it goes basketball,

football, baseball, hockey. And I would flip, I say was it last place it goes from last to first it goes basketball football i would say hockey and then baseball and you would flip baseball and hockey uh yeah but i i probably but i think i think the clear one two is the clear one yeah um but we're playing barnstable and uh same kind of deal where it was like a uh i honestly don't remember the score of the game i don't remember the situation but i remember i just should have scored a goal and i didn't and there's like an empty net and i got hit not an empty you know it was just like i was looking at why it wasn't pulled yeah yeah yeah and then i got hit and when i got hit like my like helmet got caught on uh the net and and so my head kind of stayed up while the rest of my body went down.

I mean, that sounds like worth it. And it hurt. And you milked it. So I was rolling around a little bit. It definitely hurt, but I was rolling around. And then I remember the officials immediately stopped the game. My coaches came sprinting onto the ice, and they were like, stay down, stay down, don't move, don't move.

And I was like, okay, it's not that bad, okay and then they're like the ambulance is on the way i was like jesus christ what did this look like did you go in the ambulance yeah i went in the ambulance oh wow because i was about to say at that point i was just like okay i'm just gonna ride this one i guess so with mine they did the like arms around two people and you kind of like carry me back to the bench and i remember the whole time being like i can absolutely walk and then i was on the bench and the and i and obviously at that point so it was like late in the game anyway but i was like i can't even go back in the game because i'm not allowed to really you know i can't pull a paul pierce here and then when it was time to leave to like go to the parking

lot to get in the car i was like like, should I limp the whole time? This motherfucker got in an ambulance, though. You went to the salarian. I got in the ambulance and they cut my equipment off me because they thought I broke my neck. And the whole time you're sitting there... This is not that big a deal. You guys are all being really dramatic about this. But did you get the impression that it was because you milked it

or you were just like, well, this is what the doctors – Like if you had said, guys, I'm actually okay, they probably would have taken the same precautions anyway just because you have to. I guess. Because what if your neck was broken? I've never seen it. So I guess it must have looked really, really bad. And were your underwear on point that day? No, that was –

That was why it was – Yeah, so that's why I said I've told Parks that story. But like it was – like they cut it all off. It was a big, big deal because they were like – you, like, it was, like, they cut it all off. It was a big, big deal. Because they were, like, you know, they, like, no, I got stretchered off. I got, like, you know, put, like. You're sitting there the whole time, like. One of those, like, roll them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the neck brace on. Like, it was a whole thing. And I was, like, I am completely gone. You should do a one thing I learned on that one. Just the thought of you being like. You know what reminds me? This is a very obscure reference,

but one of my favorite movies of all time, Hook. You know when there's a scene where he's just smashing all the clocks because Jack was fucking around? You don't know what they're... No, I know Hook, but I just forget that scene. I think... Here's the reason why I'm having a midlife crisis.

My midlife crisis is brought to you by Miller Lite. I'm going to have to drink through my midlife crisis is brought to you by Miller Lite. I'm going to have to drink through my midlife crisis because it's the only thing that you can count. Think about it. Beer is the only thing you can count on from, you know, the day you legally allowed to drink it until the day you die. Everything else comes and goes,

but beer is forever and great tasting beer like Miller Lite truly is forever. You can always count on it. You can always rely on it, whether you're down in the dumps or whether you're celebrating. Whether you're having a good time or a bad time. Whether you're going through your midlife crisis or not, you've got your Miller Lite. Quarter life crisis, encouraged. Midlife crisis, no crisis at all. Whether you're enjoying your life, have yourself.

You're going to drink that? I'll have a warm one, yeah. Okay, my man. Miller Lite's so goddamn good, I'll have a warm one. You know why, actually? It works because this is a good endorsement. When things are warmer, you taste it. You know what beer is nice and toasty?

That's not even suds, that's fuzz. You can taste it. You know, you make things cold and you can't taste it as well. The warmer you can actually taste it. And this has got great taste, lost feeling. So get yourself some Miller Lite, no matter what stage of life you're in. It's the most consistent beer on the planet. It's got good taste.

It's not just about, you know, watering it down like other brands. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. So you know they take that shit seriously where they're going to make sure. Nice, that was smooth. You know they're going to take it seriously seriously you know it's going to taste good so middle light is the official light beer of barstool sports it's the official light beer of life i like that sometimes i think of these slogans i'm like miller light's going to use this in a super bowl commercial uh and right now you're going to deliver it right to your door because we are living in the future where think about like

think about man think about being a kid of legal age partying now we're at like i mean beer runs used to be a production for us you know who's gonna drive who's got the car who can that's true you know and now it's just like beer runs to you i did it the other night i i ordered some liquor on on drizzly and i live above a liquor store I just didn't feel like going downstairs yeah it doesn't matter when people get upset about that

it's like you know does it matter if it's a block away or 10 feet away I'm lazy I'm lazy you know what I mean

so who cares I don't feel like putting shoes on and as a matter of fact if I was a delivery man wouldn't I be like this is great I'd run upstairs

and get like my $5 tip oh I think I've said that before when I'm back when I live in Southie where I would have closer is better the Chinese restaurant would just walk out the back.

Right, and I still get my, as long as you tip them the same, you know. So you can get it delivered right to you when you go to MillerLite.com slash KFC to find those delivery options right near you. It's Miller time, so celebrate responsibly from the Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces.

This happened recently a couple times, but it really hit home when I did One Minute Man on... I can't remember what the topic was, but I said Into Bolivia. Oh, right. That one's been around, like... It's been bubbling, right?

But I almost feel like that one's... So many people didn't get it for so long that now it's like a thing because you don't get it that you... You know what I'm saying? Yes. Where, like, it becomes such a thing that people don't get it for so long that now it's like a thing because you don't get it that you, you know what I'm saying? Yes. Where like it becomes a thing that people don't get it that they get now. But that's a thing. There was a couple people who like piped up and were like you're a rookie or you don't know or like I have my back.

Now that's not even happening. Really? Like it's just our jokes are old. And that makes sense because think about it. Like, if, again, we said this last week. The tooth, what is it? The 90s today is like the 60s of the 90s, right?

So, like, if someone made a joke, a sports reference joke, and I didn't get it, and they were like, that's from, like, come on. That's from, you know that's from you know the 1972 big red machine i'd be like i don't fucking know that reference like mike tyson is 35 years old or whatever like how long ago was that how long ago the fight it had to be in the this fight that would be no no no because that's 1988 yeah what went into bolivian had to be like in the 90s, right? Not even, not even, can't be the 2000s, right? No. Fuck no. Absolutely not.

I don't know. It was, I think it was his return. Was that eating the babies too? I think. How many of his children? Into Bolivian. 2002. Shit.

Really? Okay, never mind. So now I'm back. Now I'm off my fucking midlife crisis. Fuck you guys, you don't get good references. Because that's only 18 years old. Is that true?

2002? I think in... I would have guessed like 1997. I mean, I don't even remember what fight that was. What fight was that? I remember fucking like, I had like a little league party.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go, delete year for a second yeah I think the clip is from 2002 look at that Barstool it says into Bolivian Barstool

really on like the autofill that's crazy but even that look at that you're one stop for Barstool glossary terms that's not a Barstool

I mean like it's just a but that's what I mean it is we definitely are the ones who use it we're the only people who use it well that was my point we're the last stand

of into Bolivian and mind boggling bottling is another one but I was like I don't think I can use this joke like it was a moment because like you said this has been bubbling for a while but like a couple years ago I would stay firm and be like

no fuck you that's on you that's a good joke you don't get it that's not on me to change like a couple of years ago, I would stay firm and be like, no, fuck you. That's on you. That's a good joke. You don't get it. That's not on me to change. Like a couple of years ago, I would have, if you said what's into Bolivian or like, did you just say into instead of oblivion? I would have been like, fuck you. That's a funny joke. That's a good reference.

You just don't know it. Your father didn't raise you right. Like, fuck off. Now I'm like, I just think I like, I, it's just not a good joke anymore because if, if, if 95% of the crowd doesn't get it, if 5% does get it and they're like, that was funny. But the other 95 is like,

I just don't know what you're talking about. That's not a good joke. Yeah. That's on you at that point. Like, or like, I shouldn't say it's not a good joke. It's just not like know your audience,

you know, like if, if a standup comedian got up there and was using jokes that like were good in the, in back in the day. And I was just like, yeah, but I don't know who you're talking about. I'd be like,, in back in the day. And I was just like, yeah, but I don't know who you're talking about. I'd be like,

that's not a good act. So I was like, fuck, I would agree. I think it's probably, I guess it's time to, yeah, sucks.

I guess I don't think it could have been in 2002. I'm just trying to think like, I think I remember, I remember like having a little league party for like, like I got the fight at my house and I got, I got Tyson Lennox Lewis and I was a little league party for like I got the fight at my house and I got Tyson Lennox Lewis and I was in the little league which means I was under 13 which means

it was in like I guess it could have been up to 2000, 2001 wait what year was it? what's 88 plus 13 well that's not going to do it 01? so it could have been up to 01 and like 88 plus 13. Well, that's not going to do it. 0-1? But yes, you can be like 12 or 13.

So it could have been up to 0-1. And like Lennox Lewis, that was like Tyson's last big fight, right? I mean, I'm going to fade into believing it was after losing to Lennox Lewis in June of 2002. Oh. So I guess, yeah, it's right there. But yeah, I mean, that's only like 18, 19 years old now. I would have said that's 25 to 30 years old. I think that's, you know what it is?

I think that's because Mike Tyson's comebacks all sucked. So like that was actually like his fifth comeback or whatever, you know? But if it was his first comeback, that would have been like the early 90s, you know? Whatever, mid 90s. Yeah, you get a lot of comebacks when you're a drug addict. Right, right. I mean, like the first one was against Peter McNeely right like it was like 80 seconds

that was like I was a baby that's what I mean so I'm mixing them all up because I'm old but but yeah I was like I guess you know that so I think it all kind of goes it all goes hand in hand with like recently when people were arguing about Young Thug

versus Jay Z and it's like it's the first time that like rap music wasn't cool anymore and people are now making fun of millennials because they are now old you know yeah and it's like millennials we had a real hard time of it we were we went from the young assholes who ruined everything this is the old being the old fucking yeah dickheads who who can't keep up. It didn't matter in like two years. It was like a ten-year run where we ruined everything. By the time I found out I was a millennial, I was a loser.

I didn't even know I was a millennial. I really do believe, by the way, they've got to give further breakdowns. Why? Because I think if you were born, it it goes from like 81 to 96 that's wildly different yeah it's very like my brother's a millennial my brother's about to die well that that is the thing too when people talk about millennials and now i think we are we we don't really get that shit anymore but i think it's not just like oh millennials are young people like even like up until like recently like millennials have like mortgages and kids and

gray hair right what are you talking about like millennials killed fucking the olive garden yeah it's like no we didn't i mean but but i guess like some of them though they needed to just split that in half basically yeah i would say millennials need to be like the 90s almost if you're born in the 80s i don't think you're a millennial. I'm 88. I feel like I relate to the millennials. Oh, do you? You fat loser. You think that if you went somewhere like the young millennials, we want to party with you?

I'm on the younger side of millennials, I think. No, you're like right in the middle. What was it, 81? I think it's 81 to 96. So that's like eight years. You're like literally right in the middle. Yeah, okay. I can spin that into being on the younger side.

I'm not on the older side. Brother, I can spin anything you want into anything you want. Older side is the older side. I'm not on that side. Therefore, I must be on the younger side. I'm picking up what you're putting down. So, Ben Askren. I don't know if we're ever going to get there.

Ben Askren. I don't know if we're ever going to get there. Ben Askren, do you, like, I think that this all comes down to how you define taking a dive. Like, do you think he lost on purpose? I don't think he lost. You think he, like, if you were going to lose on purpose, wouldn't you stay down? I guess. Maybe you're right there. So, and like, have you seen,

I feel like he took a dive like I fucking, I did too. I was like, I heard a little bit, but you guys really make it as a bigger thing than I thought it was. I feel like he didn't train. I feel like he didn't try. He didn't take it seriously.

I think he underestimated Jake. That's how, that's how I've always said. If I was good, if I was ever going to fight in a rough and rowdy, it would be like, look, I'm not doing anything. I'll get in that ring and I'll fight you, but I'm not trying. But that also leaves the perfect excuse.

If you bust your ass and then you lose, it's like you are a loser. You put everything you had into this and you lose, so that sucks. If you go into it like Ben Askren did, being like, Jake... I don't know ben's career that well i don't know what he like fought at he looked he looked like me he he had hip surgery

like last year so he's been like on the couch for like 15 months which is like nobody would be in shape after that i think that it's a lot easier to just be like yeah well you know he was like i mean the whole week he was like if jake's good i'm i'm dead yeah you know and he kept you know when i talked to him he wanted to talk about Frisbee, golf, and crypto more than he wanted to talk about this fight. So I don't think he tried hard. I think that's very different than, like, I'm going to go in there and take a dive.

Because also, if you're really going to do that, you would go, like, a round or two. Like, I don't think he would be first down knockout. He looked like a fucking tree falling in the forest. Like, that was... Bro, look at this punch and tell me he doesn't, like, take one. Like, he gets fucking clocked. It's a big punch.

It's a pretty big fucking punch. It's a big punch, but it's almost like he fell too perfectly. Like, he legit, like, he fell like someone who would be, like, like someone who got his fucking bell wrong. Like, someone who got punched in the fucking head. I mean, and then he wanted to like, he was kind of like, I think he was acting when he was like protesting. Like, no, no, I'm good, I'm good.

Like, let me fight, let me fight. Yeah, I mean, I guess there are a lot of obviously mitigating factors here. But just like that, the way he fell, I was like, people don't fall like that. That's just like the like. I feel like, yeah, like I feel like you almost. Like timber. You kind of more like crumble than fall like that That almost feels like someone who is aware

of stiffening muscles Yeah You drop into a heap rather than like that I mean that was a far fall Like Looney Tunes But I mean I just I feel like Jose Canseco didn't even get

He got punched That's what I mean, I just, I feel like, you know, Jose Canseco like didn't even get like, I mean, he got punched, right? That's what I mean. Like, and so maybe the, you know, he went into it being like the first, like the first time I get like a good clean punch landed on me, I'm going to fucking take it. Like, I'm going to, I'm going to just stay down, but he didn't stay down.

He got up. Yeah. If you're going to take a dive, you stay down. It also is like, I feel like, we're just completely speculating here but i also like he's a fighter he's been hit i'd be like like you said like i'll get hit a few times yeah i don't fucking care like yeah am i terrified like do i think this person actually gonna kill me no so i'll just fucking but that so that's where the the people saying that he took a dive come in

and they showed me footage of when he he was on the ground it is one of his the second right but before he got sent to the shadow realm he was on the ground it is one of his the second right but before he got sent to the shadow realm he was on the ground and he just got like fucking wailed on and they're like this guy like got knocked down in one punch i'm like yeah because of that like he like the last fight he got kneed into outer space and his brain was mush. Wait, so he fought Masvidal? Yes. He was the guy who got that flying knee to end it. Okay. In the first shot. Remember, that was the bell rung he ran across

to the flying knee and he was out. So that dude's brain is mush. I knew the name Ben Askren. I don't know him well enough to know everything. I definitely knew the name, but I couldn't have told you any of know everything, but I definitely knew the name, but I couldn't have told you any of his fights.

If you are on the level where you're fighting fucking Masvidal, I don't think that... And that's what a lot of people are saying. But also, don't you think that if Masvidal kneed your brain out of your skull, and prior to that, you were eating these punches, it didn't knock you out then, but my example would be if somebody tackled Troy Aikman today,

and if I tackled Troy Aikman and he hit his head and they were like a concussion, they'd be like, Kevin Clancy gave Troy Aikman a concussion? Look at all these times he got a concussion in the NFL. That guy got a concussion? Lawrence Taylor gave him a concussion. Right, that's what I mean. Kevin just activated it.

That's what I'm saying. That's just further evidence that he was retired, he hadn't fought, and his brain had been mashed in a bunch but i do i do understand the logical side of like i once rose to the level to fight mazvidal and now like i couldn't take a single punch from jake paul so and like i think at this point too like he's a youtuber but like i mean clearly i can fight it is one of the well a guy can wrestle oh you mean jake yeah yeah so yeah that was my next question where you stand on jake paul because like i think i hate that i have to defend him because i don't like him i really love logan and everybody knows that but jake i've never talked to him so i've never even had the chance to like learn if there's another side to him but if i liken it to like barstool because he's you know youtube personality the

same way like we are. If like Billy Football fought a YouTuber, a blogger, beat the shit out of him and then was talking all this sorts of shit. And people were like, fight a fucking real athlete. And then he fought an NBA player and beat the shit out of him. And they said, fight a real fighter. And he beat up an ex MMA guy and then earned his way to be like to like i think he already has proven himself i think the fact that people are saying you have to fight a real boxer in order for me to respect you means you're on the level of a professional box yeah exactly so you that's exactly you're making the argument

against yourself yes when you're like yes you want if you want me to think he was a boxer fight a boxer fight a box yeah that's my point yes exactly that and i can't believe that people don't understand that and it's like believe that people don't understand that and it's like so he's in my mind has already won if he set out if he went from being a youtuber to being mentioned in the same breath as well no no actual no names because there's no boxers who exist anymore boxers like mythical anybody that's not a heavyweight it's a mythical triple g i think i could name how many could you i could name mayweather, Fury, Deontay Wilder, the fat one,

Andy Ruiz, right? Yeah, I wouldn't have gotten him. Canelo, Triple G. I could name six or seven boxers. That's more than I would have gotten. But I will say this, dude. I wasn't at that fight, obviously. I had floor seats to triple g at um oh yeah msg and that's the wild night it's like me and dan went and we like peter burr gave us the seats right

right the guy from uh five night lights yeah lone survivor yeah and like we met him beforehand he's like his son was like a stoolie and i was like I didn't know any of this until like the night up. Right. It was like, where are we sitting? Like on the floor. And it was like, it was like Michael Davies.

Yeah. And it was like, it was also, that was like one of the things where it was like, Michael Davies, the fucking man. It was like, I've heard people who don't know.

He's like the, we do remember TV producer. Yeah. He like, he does. I, I, I,

yeah. And, uh, and we went out with like him and a couple of his boys and it was like i mean i this is probably six years ago right five six years ago we just went to new york yeah and so like it was like seeing what like it wasn't like a baller night by i mean yes it was we sat on the floor at a fucking major fight yeah but like like that's how they just kind of have a guy's night right that's just like you want to go get a couple beers yeah at the garden on the floor watching

gg was like him and like four of his buddies who like went to like this really nice sushi restaurant i was like oh like this is this is just the boys hanging out only the boys have money and uh but like it was it was it was a while they're on another level right what those guys when you see them like that level. Yeah. That's where it's like, if Jake Paul does fight someone like that. But it wasn't even watching it. It was feeling it. Yeah.

That was the craziest thing to me. When I say we had good seats, like, Seinfeld was right there. Chris Rock was right there. We were there. Yeah. And I could feel it. Like, when Triple G threw a punch, I felt it in my seat. What?

Yeah. Like, it was crazy. It was, I felt it in my seat. What? Yeah. Like, it was crazy. It was, like, that's how hard he, like, it's going through, I don't even remember who he was fighting. But it's going through another person's body, through a ring, through a fucking floor. Shaking the fucking ground. And I could feel it in my fucking seat. That's nuts. That's how hard they hit. And that's.

I can't, I just can't, I can't believe Jake's there. They're obviously. No, no. how hard they hit and that's it i just can't i can't believe jake's there they obviously no but that's what like like the fact that people are even having these conversations it's like if someone was like yeah listen dude michael jordan would beat him one-on-one it's like the fact that you're even saying that means that he's pretty fucking good at basketball you know and and maybe and he's so smart because he just keeps picking incrementally better people, but ones that he knows he's going to knock out or at least be able to handle. And, you know, or I think he'll just or like he would take on Conor McGregor for the money and the fame.

And if he gets his ass kicked, like so be it, you know. But right now he's like super smart about it. So this is the argument we had on the rundown. And like maybe he is maybe he is just really like a person who's just built completely different than me. And the idea that he could lose never even went through his mind. Yeah.

But like, if that was me going into that fight, where I'm someone who's a pretty good fighter, and I'm not, like I'm saying, if I'm Jake Paul. Yeah.

And like, I'm a pretty good fighter and I can, I can hit, I can strike, I can throw, I can throw hands. But like,

I mean, part of me would be like, this dude fought professionally his entire life. Right. Like he's probably going to knock me out. That's where those guys are different. I said like,

Logan gave him like a pump up speech before he went out there. And part of me was laughing. Cause I was like, man, these guys are, they are just always putting on a show. They always know to ratchet up the dramatics and the pageantry, but maybe they just believe it.

And that like, he was like, this is your fucking legacy this is your fucking life your legend and that guy it's nothing to him and and like that's true you know and part of it i think if you buy into these things that's why we're fucking losers we're just like this doesn't matter that doesn't matter none of this is important i don't really care and jake paul it's like this is the most important thing in the world one day. One day I'm just going to die. Yeah, right. So why try to do anything?

Because sooner or later I'm going to be dead. But if you take it seriously and live it, and that's where – I mean that's where the dude just keeps winning and keeps getting money and keeps proving people wrong, and they keep moving the goalposts. So to finish, I thought like what – like I would have just been like – that would have been insane to me. I would have been like, holy fuck. Let's party. Let's go nuts tonight. Holy shit. I just been like that would have been insane to me holy fuck let's party let's go nuts

holy shit I just fucking won that but I wonder if Jake was just like no he was pretty emotional I feel like he had like a tragedy like his friend died or something recently this week because he was like crying on the mat and like I think Bobby told me Bob Fox told me it was like something like important to him but I think he's like

I think he believes it but I think it's also like he puts his all into it and gets it fucking done. So we were saying on the rundown, the problem is boxers are hungry ass people who are usually like, I'm fighting for my meal, you know? So he's obviously not doing that because he's rich.

But if you have a chip on your shoulder that's like, the whole world hates me and wants to see me fail. Literally the whole world. Because they all know me already already that's a pretty good motivator man that's like i bet i would be like well whatever i have money he's like i don't think he's with the money like he wants to be like known as that do you think if he trained for like 10 years he would be like a boxer marty was marty's a kind of a jake paul guy and he was just like he's a good athlete and a good fighter and if he he's got money he just donates dedicates all

his time to boxing like maybe maybe he would just be a champion 26 right 24 yeah which is kind of late in boxing but like I mean definitely late in boxing sorry you're like eight you know yeah but I don't know I mean he he's he's playing such a good villain

such a good heel and winning and the arguments against him are so bad that it's making me like him and take his side, where I'm like... What are the arguments against him? There are none. It's just they hate him, you know? And he's getting better.

You keep asking him to fight this level of fighter. Did he knock out KSI? Is he like 3-0 with like three knockouts? He didn't fight KSI. He fought a different one. Logan fought KSI. Logan fought KSI twice, three times? Yeah, with like three knockouts? He didn't fight KSI. He fought a different one. Logan fought KSI. Logan fought KSI twice, three times? Yeah, it was a loss and a draw for Logan.

He fought another YouTuber. I think Freddie or Frankie something. Who was like a nobody. Knocked him out. Knocked out. Yeah. 3-0, three knockouts is pretty strong. Yeah.

And they've all, how long did Nate Robinson go? Maybe second round, I think. Maybe. That one wasn't a long one. Yeah, it was a lot of grappling and hugging him, too. He's got a fucking right hand. So just at least respect it and tell it like it is. All right, we'll do... So we got Ron Funches on the show for a 420 special.

He's got a new show out called Chopped 420, which is like a cooking competition mixed with weed. And I hope that everybody is just fucking zooming right now while they listen to this episode all over the goddamn place. So we'll do top fives and then our voicemails? Yeah.

Top fives are brought to you by Movement. Join the Movement today. Get yourself a nice timepiece. I'm going to start saying timepiece. Okay. I'm going to start. I should say timepiece in my movement sunglasses the ones oh no yeah so uh you have spectacles and i have a timepiece yeah you want to buy sunglasses and watches go to some other bullshit company you want spectacles and and timepieces like if someone tells me you have a nice watch i'm gonna be like excuse me no I don't. I have a high-quality timepiece because that's what movement makes. They have leather bands, rubber bands, metal bands, different color faces, different size faces, men's, women's, all high-quality, all different kind of colors and styles and designs.

They match your sunglasses that you can get. John has these like Benjamin Franklin National Treasure. Like, I feel like you could read the back of the Declaration of Independence for those things. Yeah. Flip them down, and you're going to start reading, like, the puzzles throughout history. They're very cool. Put it this way. You were wearing them the other day, and someone called you, like, a gigantic asshole.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, baby. That's what you want to stand out. If you're wearing things, and people aren't like, all right, that guy's a dick. Then you ain't wearing things. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So go to MVMT.com slash KFC and you can get 15% off your order plus free shipping and free returns.

Let's say you buy something that doesn't have enough pop to it. You feel like you didn't buy yourself a pair of spectacles or a timepiece and you want something a little more flair. You can return it for no problem and get yourself some accessories that really pop. Most of these things usually would cost like 500 bucks. With movement, it's just $95 to start. The sunglass is even cheaper than that. So get yourself a few pairs of sunglasses for the summer. Get yourself a couple of nice watches to match them and go to MVMT.com

slash KFC to get them today. Top five. It is 420 and we are I don't know about you, but I have probably I definitely have smoked more weed and

dabbled in that world with edibles and whatever gummies, CBD, TH thc all that shit uh more in the last year than the last like 10 years combined i would agree like i had like when i was in high school it was like rolling blunts and like pretending to be a rapper and then i just stopped because i like this is silly and now then once once like vaping and oils and like, I don't want to actually smoke weed. I don't know how to roll and I have bitch lungs and all that shit. So to me, once the vaping came along. What does that mean?

Like I cough like the whole time. I just think I just want to smoke weed. Well, I mean. I have bitch lungs too. When I inhale, I can't breathe. I mean, I regularly throw up. Well, you know what I used to do? I used to not get high.

I smoke weed only sitting on my bed because I know I can get to the bathroom. That's not even a joke. You're laughing. I don't know why. Are you swallowing it instead of breathing it? Are you putting it in your stomach? Kevin, I don't know. You just don't know why. Are you swallowing it instead of breathing it? Are you putting it in your stomach? Kevin, I don't know. You just don't know how to smoke.

Regularly. I used to hit the blunt and then not really inhale because I was a bitch. Then I'd be like, I'm not high. They'd be like, you're not inhaling, dick. You're not getting the drug in your body. People fucking get on your case so much about that to the point where like if you don't fucking if your next piss you're not pissing smoke you

didn't fucking inhale enough well i used to i don't i don't care about from a tough guy point of view but i do remember my friends being like you are wasting the weed yeah like no one's getting high off this like stop it dude the other night i did I did it where I the only thing I had eaten or drank that night was red wine and Frosties. What's up? Welcome to being an adult. If you don't make a

mixtape called Red Wine and Frosties. I had two Frosties and a bottle of red wine. No one tells me what to do! It's awesome! No parents! No bedtime! Woo! I had a bottle of red wine, two Frosties, and then I did drugs. But I fucking...

But you threw up. I drinked it all up. Red wine and Frosties coming up the next, like, the other way. Oh, my God. It honestly looked delicious. That was the problem. I was standing in the bathroom. I gave a dog. I was just like, boy, that looks

Can I tell you an absolutely disgusting story? I don't even know if I should tell it. Sure. Keegan shit himself. And I was like, oh fuck. And I threw his underwear and then Duncan was like fuck. And I was like, I just, put it this way. I was like, oh, fuck, and I threw his underwear and then Duncan was like, fuck. And I was like, I just, put it this way,

I was like, I cleaned everything up, I cleaned Keegan up, and I just said, I was at my mom's house with the kids and stuff, and I was like, don't, nobody let Duncan give you kisses. I'll just leave it at that. Because it was like too graphic to describe.

Oh my god. That's what dogs do. They eat other people's shit, and that's what you do. You're about to eat your fucking puked up frosty... Oh, you were about to put a chip in and eat it like a dog. It looks like a fucking dark chocolate. Okay, no, no, no. We're not doing that.

I'm sorry for even making it disgusting. No, we're done. Back to the weed. Back to the weed. If I inhale, I cough my fucking... Like a cough my fucking raspberry but you know what i love like a drizzle like a you know what i really love though one time uh like this guy don't don't do it again i know you're about you no i know you're i'm out of jokes if I had more if I had another description I would have this guy that kind of used to be

like my weed like Sherpa he was like a year older than me so he kind of just showed me how to like he was a guy who was like you drink 40s and you smoke blunts

like here's how you do it like here's how you party he was like he told me and I know people have heard this before it's in movies and shit where they're like

cough more like it gets you higher like you're breathing so I was always like yeah yeah yeah it gets you higher it gets you higher man it's like like, yeah, it gets you higher. Can't get off if you don't cough.

What's that? Yeah, that's what he's saying. Can't get off if you don't cough, bro. You're not coming. I'm thinking like, right there. Forget about it you know I had another thought yeah let's do it

well you know how chicks are into choking you know how come guys are always the one dying from auto asphyxiation or erotic asphyxiation girls are professionals we just don't die from it dudes shouldn't they be the ones dangling from the closet erotic asphyxiation. Girls are professionals. We just don't die from it, dude. Shouldn't they be the ones dangling from the closet?

I mean, you're not wrong. Imagine that crime scene. There's a fucking rabbit on the floor. But that I would understand. I'd be like, I get it, man. Chicks, they're choking, dude. Have you seen that? A lot of the meme accounts posted, it's tweet with the clapping emojis in between every word. And it's like, when you choke her, you're supposed to squeeze the sides and not her trachea.

We know, dude. Oh, I was going to say. Okay, never mind. Oh, no. Yeah, what he said. Because everybody I've been involved with has always been like, no, like hit the fucking esophagus, bro. It's the, I only know it because it's almost like the inter-Bolivian thing. Like I only know it because so many people do that.

Say that like it's wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Good, good, good, good. Yeah. Cause I didn't, I never, I think that would be worse.

I'm like squeezing like your, that would hurt. I mean, I got to run out of air than that. I don't know. Look, but I'm fucking you, and I'm doing this with my fucking hips and this, like, I do not... With that movement, I don't want to fuck this guy. I do not have, like, the fucking core strength to be able to, like...

Hold you up and, like... You're just getting on my body weight. Yes, absolutely. And, like, tell me when it's too much. Tap out, but, like, it's not going to be able to like hold you up and like on my body weight yes absolutely and like tell me what it's too much tap out but like it's not gonna be my fucking upper body weight is what you're getting here yes whatever yeah my knees or whatever will support the lower but the rest of it's going on your trachea and that's because you said you're into it you have a fucking breakdown you need to show me like a medical physiology map of a do you know how hard it would be human body like this is where you're supposed to be a squeezer.

Do you know how hard that would be? Get a hand. Here, do what you want. I'd have to hold my whole body up while I just pinch the sides of your neck? Bro, that... No, your throat is going... Your throat is getting crushed. That's it.

If you want to do this, your throat gets crushed. You want your neck... It's not my idea. It's your idea. I'm just telling you what's going to happen. If you want your neck pinched, you go find a TikToker who weighs $1.65. I was going to say someone in Cirque du Soleil. Sure.

But I'm saying someone who's got to weigh very little who can suspend their body. I will be holding my body up on your neck. That's what choking during sex is with me. I would guess my upper body weighs like 170 pounds. And you're getting that. Like, I can't, I do not have the core or leg strength

to be able to, okay, we're just gonna hold, I'll just tighten this here, and then now. It's just hold me up. Support me with your neck. How about this? In that same discussion i want to say it might have even been girls got to eat they were talking about how and i maybe not

so don't quote me on that but they were talking about how like it only happens when she's on uh when she's on top what choking it's like i can't oh i can do that i mean i can't do like, I can't. Oh, I can do that. I mean, I can. That one's an easy one. I can do it, but I... You fucking WNBA players? I mean, I can do it, but I'm not going to get, like, the... Well, I mean, I guess... Yeah, if I'm trying to crush your trachea, I'm not going to get the leverage. You know what I mean? No, I don't.

I can just fuck little people all day. That was really easy for me. It's just funny because everybody... That's the problem with the Pool of Correct Society. Everyone's going to think I'm fucking midgets. I was going to say, little people is a funnier... But do you do that?

I've never... That's why I go two hands with it. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I'll just fucking throw you down. There was a time when we were like the sex podcast we got back to it

for a minute there did we ever really leave I don't know I think like we stopped having it we stopped like doing we became old

we got old no but I will I can and will choke to life now we're the nap podcast yeah you want outdated references and talking about naps and fever dreams when you were asleep I can and will choke the life out of you and break your esophagus. Now we're the nap podcast. You want outdated references and talking about naps and fever dreams when you were asleep?

What's up? This guy. KFC Radio. It's not the greatest show anymore because we're not allowed to play that song. Oh, it sucks, huh? By the way, we got one submission. I want more people to. If you are a musical act. You know what happened?

I'm getting a lot of DMs and I'm not checking them. So people are probably sending them in. Send them to KFC Radio. I'll create an email. There's a bunch in getting a lot of DMs, and I'm not checking them. So people are probably sending them in. Send them to KFC Radio. I'll create an email. There's a bunch in the KFC Radio DMs. They're hard to, like, sift through. Okay. So we will tweet out a link.

If you are musically inclined, you want to get your music out there, you want to make us a theme song, because you're no longer allowed to use other people's music on podcasts, which I can't believe it took this long for the copyrights to catch up. But for reference, like, the King and the Sting did this, and the guy who made their theme song has a radio song now. He got put on because of it. So it could be your chance to get some eyeballs

and some ears onto your music. So make us a good theme song. Any genre. I mean, I like rap. You like pop. I think anything other than hardcore rock or something like that. I don't know. I think anything.

It's good. Hardcore rock would be the funny one. Hardcore anything. If it's good, it's good. Hardcore rock would be the funny one. Hardcore rock. Whatever it is, make it good, make it funny. I got drunk the other night and bought literally every single Fall Out Boy album. So yeah, let's something like Fall Out Boy. Not in a box set.

I was going to say vinyl. I think, yeah. I think I'm probably the only person who's bought that. I was about to say you're the only person in the world who would be listening to Fall Out Boy vinyl, the complete anthology. By the way, they have way more albums than I thought. It also wasn't that expensive. It was only $150, but it was like nine albums in there. That's a lot.

That's a lot. An album's like $30. I guess if you did the math, that's about how many albums there are. No, that's a good deal. That would be $270. Oh, I mean, nine I made up. I don't know exactly how many, but there's a lot. Five? Because that would be

150 bucks. All right. You guys are taking a math lesson today. You know what? I should have known. I don't know why this triggered this,

but I should have known that we were going to be all... You want to go recording or you want to fucking pop quiz on math? I made one fucking... One goddamn numbers reference and all of a sudden I can't. I'm getting bullied over here.

I should have known we were going to be all over the place. When I did, if I gave you 150 trillion guesses, what I ended up talking about on while we're in the bar. You would never, ever get it. I just want you to take one guess. Just throw something out there because it would be unbelievable if you somehow got it. Taylor Swift's new Christmas song. No. That's what I talked about. Yeah.

I talked about we started talking about the Israeli army and ended up with whether or not me and Vibs are circumcised. We talked for about 10 minutes about circumcised penises and whether or not we would get adult circumcision. He was so, so it started, so that's why it kind of started out. Bibs got so drunk, he was pouring himself a shot, and he just spilled it everywhere. And I was like, Bibs, did you just spill it everywhere? And he, like, honestly tried to lie to me.

He was just like, no. The evidence is just really here. He was like the Israeli Navy the Israeli Army the Israeli Military Guard he was like oh they're so fucking hot the guys and the girls

I was like what? he was like yeah I mean the girls are hot but the guys too and I was like and you know their dicks are good because they're all snipped over there and he was like yeah you know they got good cocks and I looked at Colin and I was like, and you know, like the dicks are good. Cause you know, they're all snipped over there. And he was like, yeah, you know,

they got good cocks. And I looked at Colin and Colin was like, yeah, you shit face. It was a wild one. And then we just kept it rolling here on the KFC radio. Musa doesn't fuck around. Is that the,

I thought that Musa was like the underground. Israeli special forces. Right. Okay. Okay. Okay. They, they do not.

The regular army is, is just like hot chicks because I don't know why. Right. There's a bunch of hot Israeli chicks in the military. Right, okay, okay, okay. The regular army is just hot chicks because I don't know why, right? There's a bunch of hot Israeli chicks in the military. I do not know that. I know Barr didn't serve. All right, fact check me. I don't know. No, I remember the – I think it was Saddam.

Maybe it was just the Israeli Special Forces. We're like – you know how the United States doesn't negotiate with terrorists except we do all the fucking time? We actually arm them. They literally don't. In the sense of, we'll just kill all the hostages too. Yeah, I love that. We're just going to kill everybody.

We're going to come in, we're going to try and kill you, but there's going to be a firefight and if hostages catch it, then whatever. Imagine that if you're a hostage taker. You're just like, well, what now? We didn't anticipate that one. Fuck.

I have no idea where we're at in this podcast. We are supposed to be giving our top five delinquent toys. Oh, top five delinquent toys. Because number one draft pick, snaps! Taking my snaps because I brought them to the table. The snaps, little, little, little, what do you want to call these?

Little gunpowder. Tell you what, I have no idea because I've been trying to find them for quite some time. Yeah, I mean, I guarantee you I can find them in like five minutes. I tried to Amazon search super good time fun tree. Did you search snaps? Because my box says snaps on them i put snaps in i put a super good fun time trick noisemaker um they don't seem to be working um i hope i find this in one second i mean these are they're yeah we kind of already talked about it like i've

i've been an adult kicked out of bars with these things they are they're not just a childhood delinquent toy it's a delinquent toy no matter what. Well, here's the thing. When you are a child, as an adult, you are a delinquent. Because you are... I can buy them for you right now. You are just so stupid.

What did you put in it? I searched snaps, gunpowder, toy, buy. And they all came up on Walmart. Are you a fucking SEO expert? I mean, I said all the things that I want. snaps gunpowder toy buy and they all came up on walmart fucking seo expert like who i mean i said all the things that i want that i mean would you write this fucking box too were you always maker snap step on it pop it how low is your bar that you're impressed by that i mean that that was that's a google search right there like that's am i am i that's like am i the only one who like searches like that like i just say the words that i need

i don't like putting the other extra shit in there i i i wouldn't have put gunpowder i put my first one was snaps snaps these were snaps you're right so what it says on the box yeah yeah yeah yeah but like i'm sorry i can't even when i wantCola, I put in Coca-Cola. Sorry. I hate you. I hate you so much. You are so goddamn stupid. I just want to smash your face. Carbonation, sweets, sugar. I wish I had more to throw at you.

I actually thought. I was like, I do. I do. Good. One more. So snaps are awesome. They're my number one pick. Because you know why?

They're a little bit delinquent, but you're not going to get in trouble. You can fuck around with them anywhere. Your parents will kind of yell at you, and that's about it. No big deal. Snaps. This is an easy one. BB guns. I never had a BB gun.

Yeah, I know. Because they're extremely dangerous. You're a fucking useful member of society. BB guns are never had a BB gun because they're extremely dangerous BB guns are real dangerous BB guns are there's a reason why the whole movie storyline was about blinding some kid and shooting his fucking eyeball because it could happen for real bro every single person who owned a BB gun as a child

was at the fucking capitol on January 6th like if your parents bought you a fucking bb gun you are a psychopath yeah i i mean that's that's bad i'm gonna get a gun for my child they did and guess what i i played with i had friends they're all again they're dead now but from gun violence? No, it was auto-raise spastication. There's only two of them. I'm going to let that one just linger in the air a little bit.

But, like, I remember, like, shooting them. Like, dude, we had one where we, like, go up into my buddy's bedroom. We'd put, like, soda cans out back and, like, and we'd just try and shoot soda cans. Yeah. But I'd just be like, this is insane. Insane. Your parents bought you, like, a fucking gun. And, you know, they'd always, like, well, if you're wearing a winter jacket and a bulletproof vest, it won't hurt that bad.

It's so funny of where you're from too like like uh my my dad's side of the family lives in like uh meadville pennsylvania like way up in the sticks and you know they're kind of like yeah like don't be such a pussy yeah i give my my gun my mom's seven-year-old gun not a big deal he's got second amendment rights rights too. But to them it's just totally commonplace. It's wacky. I'm not a full-blown fucking delinquent in that sense, so I'm going to go with the cap gun.

Are you giving things you actually had? Yeah, probably. I was just thinking delinquent. You can do whatever. I only had a couple of these things. I definitely did not have a gun. My first couple of picks are going to be things that I have and then outside of that I'll think of, you know, because those were just top of my mind.

I didn't think about a BB gun because I never had one. But the cap gun to me, the number one thing is because of the smell. I love the smell of cap guns. I guess it's just like gunpowder, kind of like that little gunpowder thing popping off. But the problem with cap guns now is if you play with them as a child, the police murder you. So it's tough to play with those guns because you will get shot and killed

by the authorities. They used to be like, you know, fucking, I actually remember, you know, cap guns would be like yellow and red and they always had the orange nub. And then they started to make that shit look real, real. And we used to paint the fucking thing or take the orange thing off. And then we just look like a goddamn ass gun. You a fucking drug addict robbing a bank? Why was it so important to look

that real? I don't know. We did. We did. We were like, I want it to look fucking real. And that's how you die. I mean, I didn't like play with, I mean, I had cap guns, obviously. Did you have like the revolver? Yes. Like, you know, like the six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the, it is also so funny that they were like,

all right, we're going to sell these things to children. But they are super dangerous. So, you know, it's something that's a life and death decision. In the blink of an eye, you have to make a choice. We'll just put a little orange on it. Then everyone will know that, you know, not to kill. Like, that is. Like, what if you just saw, like, the gun from behind or something like that?

I don't know. Yeah. It is crazy i remember like when i was young there's an angry white man when i was like it's like they're buying back our like they're changing our fucking cap guns look what the fuck yeah yeah no i i do they're looking back on it as an adult. They banned them. I was like, this is some bullshit. This is fucking bullshit. I remember being like 12, going to Toys R Us, seeing Jeffrey the Giraffe, made a sign like, we're doing buybacks on fucking Nerf guns. And I was like, oh, we're losing this country. This country's going to hell in a handbasket.

Dude, have you seen nobody? No, you texted me about it. I think we talked about it tonight. Did, have you seen have you seen Nobody? No, you texted me about it. I think we talked about it tonight. Did we have a conversation about it? No, you just texted me. I think you must have texted me Friday night. It is so good. It looks unbelievable. It's even better.

I mean, I actually, believe it or not, I don't even know if I've seen all of the John Wicks and I don't even know if some of them I didn't finish I know they're awesome too but I found this to be better than John Wick I can see that because there is the I imagine Odin Kirk has some humorous moments as well

and I think I like a nice action comedy definitely more comedy Riz is in it from Wu-Tang Christopher Lloyd's in it. Doc from Back to the Future. They're awesome. The storyline's awesome.

The violence is awesome. It's silly. It's almost like adult Home Alone at times. He goes to war with a whole fucking array of shit. And it's very cool. Can I just say something oh yeah you were describing the fast and furious no no no you haven't seen them i've seen some of them but i don't like being painted that i don't like the fast and furious movies this is more this is like a a a

you know suburban dad who like it doesn't have the respect of his kids and like goes to fucking war uh it's some of the violence made me made my like my legs hurt i was like oh my god that's so i was like like he does he does some shit where he just like breaks your arm the wrong way and like they fuck up your face in such a way that i was like oh my god this is i can feel this like triple g's punches at the garden but i i but I cannot it's 19 bucks to rent right now because it's like but fully worth it like I fucking love it it's all worth it

for the people out there who like freak out about an extra $16 from when it goes from $3 to $19 like it's fucking worth it I'm so happy that Christopher Lloyd was in it I'm gonna be very sad when Christopher Lloyd dies because he's old he's gonna die soon he's how old is can you click on Christopher Lloyd was in it. I'm going to be very sad when Christopher Lloyd dies. Because he's old. He's going to die soon. How old is... Can you click on Christopher Lloyd there?

Whoever's got that up? Top row. Fourth one over. He's got to be like... He's got to be up there. 82. Okay, that's not that bad. Did you do that math that fast? Oh, you're there. Okay. We'll get a different website. Oh, okay.

That was impressive. I was just like, I would have changed websites. Wikipedia will tell me exactly how old he is. Like, he's giving his birthday like a psychopath. Your pick? My pick? My pick. Number two, wrist rocket.

What's that? It's like the slingshots. But is that like you would attach to your wrist kind of deal? Cool, cool, cool. Yeah, no, I just watched my friend murder squirrels with them. Oh. He would. Describing all the toys I had as a kid.

Yeah, that's what we're doing. So for the people at home, this is a slingshot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was going to say, can I still draft a slingshot? But no, I cannot. I mean, there is a slingshot yeah yeah because i was gonna say can i still draft a slingshot but no i cannot i mean it's a there is a difference like i like well it wraps around your wrist so that you have like the the sturdiness to it yeah there are i think there are laws against wrist rockets like they're yeah dude he used to fucking this is a different friend not the one this is and like we just hang out on his porch and he would like he'd fill up the bird feeder

so that like squirrels would come to try and steal the bird's he would like he'd fill up the bird feeder so that like squirrels would come to try and steal the bird's food and then he'd just shoot the he'd just crush their skulls with rocks so he's also in jail at least the other two died if I was a listener of this podcast, that would have been one of my favorite.

So he crushed their skulls with rocks. So he's in jail. That was fucking funny, John. Wow, that's great. That's really great. I'm going to go with smoke bombs. Smoke bombs from the ice cream man. How great slash inevitably you're going to go to jail for child porn was being an ice cream man.

You just drive around the block and you sell these kids ice cream, smoke bombs, and weed. You're just the happiness man. I am not an ice cream man. I'm the happiness man. I just deliver happiness to the kids of the fucking world. And yeah, eventually I'll probably have naked pictures of them on my computer because that's what ice cream men do. But before I go down for that, I'm going to just make them so happy. I mean, smoke bombs were awesome.

When an ice cream man gets arrested for pedophilia, they're happy. I mean, smoke bombs were awesome. When an ice cream man gets arrested for pedophilia, they're like, I mean, you kind of enabled me. The moment I applied for this job, you should have arrested me. You drive around in a truck that plays distinctively hypnotizing children's music

to the point that the young people of the neighborhood run after your car. I mean, if you're a pedophile, that is a dream come true. The children chase you? It's supposed to be the other way around. I'm supposed to chase you and put you in a net. You come to me and then give me money? Here you go.

Send me some pictures later. Jesus Christ. Smoke bombs are awesome. They're so cool. I don't think I've ever seen a smoke bomb. What? I don't know. I've ever seen a smoke bomb. What? I don't know. Wait.

What's a smoke bomb? You guys know smoke bombs? I've never heard of one. It's like a little ball, colored, whatever color smoke comes out, with a little fuse that comes out. You light it? Yeah.

It's so dope. I don't think I've ever used one. Oh, wow. Where the fuck were they expecting these children to get lighters? I mean... Me? My grandmother? Whoever in my family was ripping fucking 50

packs of cigarettes a week? I'm just thinking if I was going to be like, alright, what should I sell on my ice cream truck that kids love? They need lighters for this. Do they sell lighters too? They probably did, yeah. Those are the ones.

Roughly. Yeah, click on that right now, Jackie. Yeah, yeah, those are the ones. TNT smoke balls. I'm going to buy you some of these, John. That brings a bit of a bell. I'm going to buy you these. We're going to have so much fun, John. The problem is, you know, they don't sell them anymore.

You know, these things are like the fucking degenerates of the world. So it's not like you can get, like, smoke bombs on Amazon. We'll find them. We'll find them on the dark web. TNT smoke balls. You're up. This is a great top five, by the way. My pick, my number three is stink bombs.

I was going to throw those hand in hand, but I was like, no, that's a separate one. The worst beating I ever caught in my life was from my aunt when I threw a stink bomb in her house. Like, beat the fuck. Absolutely. Like, threw me off the porch type shit. You fucking deserve it. It was like an action movie scene where it's like, bang, bang, bang. I'm on the ground.

Fucking kicked. Your aunt or your uncle? My aunt. She's fucking rolling down the stairs. I'm laying in the sand. It's a house. You're clamoring away. They're just going to slow walk after you.

You want another one? Boom! Those things stink and they don't go away, man. That gets deep. It was a fucking beating. Absolute beating. You know what Amazon doesn't have them? Go to Walmart. Of course. Walmart's got your

smoke balls right here. Right here. Walmart, you want a couple of fucking wet meats A gun and a smoke bomb Walmart's your spot And like your tires New tires for your car

Sure My fourth pick I'm gonna go with Good old fashioned M80 This is another thing I know what they are but I didn't M80s are just bombs So I didn't fuck with these.

M-80s are just bombs. So I don't even know if this should clarify. Nick, did you play with these as a kid? No, we weren't allowed to. Okay, but the other kids did. Because that's a half stick of dynamite, isn't it? Like, it literally blows people's hands off. Yes.

So here is the story. Here is the story. There were two stories that actually go hand in hand with... Oh, no, wait. These are the two stories of true delinquency that I grew up with.

In the Bronx, there was one guy who just got fucking shot and killed. His nickname was Killer. He got shot in the back. Pretty ironic. And the other guy, he survived. The other guy just died. So there was like some bad shit that was like murder and like actual violence. And then there was this delinquency violence that popped off.

The one story was, I thought it was a BB gun. It was not. It was a flare gun. This guy popped his hand in a door and fucking just shot a flare and hit this girl in the face and she was blind in one eye. That was not great.

Was it like your friend? It was my brother's friend's brother. Okay. So there was this family. They were all Greek. They had names like Ganudis. Ganudis? Yeah.

He was the one who did it. It's like, eh, it's probably pretty easy to find that name. It's pretty specific. Whatever. He did his time uh so i we're about rehabilitation i remember i went to the beach we went to this we went to the like long beach island with my our family and we like our family brought you know you bring some friends along and there was a girl who was blind in one eye and then i found out it was her and i remember

being like oh my god like she was like royalty it was like that's the girl got shot in the face and then there was the tale And I don't know if this one's real or not This is probably an urban legend So if you or anyone you know has a story like this I understand that I got duped But the tale that I was told Was down on the beach at the Morris Yacht Club

On City Island There was this guy And he was shit faced on the beach And the seagulls were like swirling around and stuff and he was smoking a cigarette and throwing M80s into the water and watch him explode and try to blow up birds and shit.

There goes my hero. I'm gonna say something here. That was the funniest moment of John's career. That was so fucking funny. If I could end the podcast right now, I would. I'd be like, walk off. We're done.

I didn't know what you were saying at first. That was so fucking funny. That was insanely funny. That was so good. Wow, that was so fucking funny. That was insanely funny. That was so good. Wow, that was fucking funny. So, he's lighting the M80s with his cigarette, lighting the fuse and throwing them. And he was so shit-faced, he mixed them up. So, he lit the M80 through his cigarette and went to smoke the M80 and blew up his face.

What? Yeah. Yeah. So goes the legend. Did he die? I don't know. That was always kind of like the... I can text someone who maybe could corroborate that. But yeah, blew his face off.

And that's, my friends, why M80s are awesome. And I will, I'm not going to lie, I don't think I ever lit them and played with them myself. I drew the line at half sticks of dynamite. I don't think it's a half a stick of dynamite. I think it's a fucking sock filled with nickels.

My favorite toy is a broken pool cue. I feel like it's a piece of TNT, but is it a half a stick? I don't think so, right? I mean, a half a stick is... Wait, did you find something when you Googled man blew off his face with an M-80? I wanted to tell you that. Just hit the fucking search.

Devin Staples. Man killed shooting firework off head. Well, that's a different story. Okay. So this is my number four? Yeah. This one... I don't think this one really fits,

but I also have a real hard problem with it. So I'm going to put it on there. I think anyone who did this, you're a fucking... You're a real piece of shit. Yeah. Putting rocks in a real piece of shit. Yeah. Putting rocks in a wiffle ball. Whoa.

I mean, I used to light balls on fire and throw them around, and I think that's fucked up. Well, no, but this wasn't used for pain. This was like. Oh, just to like. Yeah, it was to make it. I thought you would like fill them up and turn them into a fucking thing. No, you just put like one or two pebbles in it, and it would just be like. And I would. I had a friend who would just always like do like two pebbles in it and it would just be like and I would

I had a friend who would just always like do like sneaky do it for like third strike. Goddamn son of a bitch. No, that's a different type of weapon. It doesn't really fit the vibe here, but I also think that like if we're using delinquent like if you did that, there's something wrong.

Did you ever put water balloons in the freezer? I want to talk about delinquency. If we're using delinquent, like if you did that, there's something wrong. Did you ever put water balloons in the freezer? No. I want to talk about delinquency. Let's talk about delinquent shit, man. Fucking. Did you do this? No. What was his name?

I want to say Matt Delaney. I love his air and out government shit. Because if you throw fucking. Oh, no. What was his name? It was something with a D. He was this kid, man, on a regular fucking like random night, not even like Halloween night.

He was egging people. What are you expecting on Halloween? Yeah, right? You got to get him on a nice Tuesday in fucking January. He had his right hand in a sling, and it was like a Tuesday in January. We were just walking up and down the avenue of City Island doing other delinquent shit, and I watched him snipe my crew with his left hand, his off hand, from like a fucking block and a half away.

And he picked my friend off, and I was like, I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. That was awesome. But I think he also would throw frozen water balloons. They were just like, okay, I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. That was awesome. But I think he also would throw frozen water balloons that are just like, okay, so you made a rock. I've literally never even heard of that. I didn't know that was a thing people did. Pea-filled balloons, sure.

I've heard of them. I've never been in the presence of them, but I've never heard of just a frozen vessel of water. It's terrible, man. It's like, why don't you just throw full like, full cans of beer while you're at it? I watched a kid at Fordham get hit in the face with a full can of beer. And it was one of the most harrowing things I've ever seen in my life.

Like, we were partying, like, in Fordham. There was, like, apartment buildings. And then there was, like, shitty backyards where, like, the parties would go on. And there was, like, two backyards that connected, kind of face each other. And people were just lobbing beers, like, from one backyard to the other full unopened so it was like just a fucking and like unknowing you know what i mean so it wasn't like yo throw me a beer it was like let's just throw this into the crowd and and i watched this guy just just smash him by the eye and it was like like instantly like shut like instantaneously i was like that guy's never gonna see you again that eyeball

that eyeball is gone. I did that at a country festival. Threw a full beer? I was really fucked up. It was my 21st birthday and I was trying to turn it into Preakness. So I would crack it before I threw it. That's a lot better. It makes a huge difference. The cop saw me and was just like...

That's when he made you sit down? Yeah. White privilege. Yeah, so white privilege. You would have been shot with a real gun. I was an adult man who got put in timeout. Crazy. My last pick. I wish I could go back and put Roman Candles into M80s.

Can I do that? I'm going to retroactively put in Roman Candles, unless you were going to draft that. No, I wasn't. Are they not the same thing? No, Roman Candles. And M80s is the bomb. Yeah, honestly wasn't. Are they not the same thing? No, Roman Candles are like... Oh, right, right, right. And M80's just a bomb. Yeah, honestly,

you can just take fireworks. Okay, well, you know... Okay, so here's... My last pick is going to be M80's slash Roman Candles, but most importantly, bottle rockets.

No, I didn't really fuck with these either. You put them in the wiffle ball bat and you can... No, I definitely never did that with these either. You put them in the wiffle ball bat, and you can use it like a gun. No, I definitely never did that. So you could light it. That's a video from Chicago. Which one?

It's like a YouTube video of the streets of Chicago, and people just having a war, essentially, with those things. Yeah. Pow! Oh, so good. So, delinquent, my dad, he will, he thinks he's good at this. He just throws them up and times it.

Really? So, like, let them go. And then it takes off from there or something? Yeah, I've seen them hit my brother several times. And, like, three times in one day, and my dad's still like, no, no, I'm good. It doesn't put him in a bat. Nothing. Just throws rockets.

Yeah. You want to come in? Yeah, but you have the fucking wiffle ball bat. So that will be my fireworks pick. My last one is just good old wasps. Oh!

Just a rubber band and some folded up paper. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? I'm glad you said this because I wasn't sure I was going to say it for my five now I got it. You know, like, much smaller than this, but like you roll it up and then you bend it over and you have the rubber band. So you like pull it off. Boom! I mean, you could kill somebody with well made

we used to have fucking people would put tacks in them people would like stick a thumb tack through so that then

the tip would be a needle yeah there they are I mean these flap these were fucking a problem

these got banned from our class our grade was the wasp grade and they were like you can't if you shoot these you get suspended from school because we would fucking whip these things through I mean you could kill someone

you could absolutely take someone's eye out and it also hurt so much that it was like worthy of crying like I remember being like I want to cry right now but I'm not going to because like I got a reputation uphold. But yeah, you fold these bitches up and make them real thick and real tight and you could kill somebody. And then, yeah, the sick people would put the fucking the tax in them. But that's I mean, that's and rubber bands like in general, you just pull rubber bands. And this is this is definitely limited probably to like like, my school and, like, Guido's and, like, the hood.

But the Nextel, the Nextel antenna. You pull the Nextel antenna up and you can bend it back. And it was like a, oh, my God. It literally, I just got, like, a, I got, like, the chills over my face. It hurts so much. The force of a neck cell antenna could kill a man. My buddy once had rubber band guns, wooden rubber band guns that had a little wheel.

Do you ever have those? I had one friend who was like Davey fucking Crockett. He had outdoorsy toys. He probably could hide in the hills of Nantahala after he blew up someplace. You would pull the rubber band over, and then it would be on a wheel. And then you'd pull a trigger, and the wheel would turn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was just like, okay, I'm going to do the same thing. But he had the gun. It was very cool. I still think I've never... I think if I was in a heist situation, or if I went over to Israel and kidnapped a bunch of people, I would be less nervous about Mossad coming in than I was when anyone had a rubber band. It's the most fear you'll ever be in. The power you wield over someone when you hold a rubber band at them.

I mean, I've done it to you, and I've seen actual anger. Like, stop! Dude, stop! Stop! Stop, dude! And you just can't move, and you want to run away. That is, yeah, you are completely powerless when someone holds a rubber band at you. Okay, so you just gave me an idea. So I'm going to, I'm also going to change my third pick. Retroactive pick, yeah.

Yeah, third pick, and we're going to switch from that wuffle ball, we're going to switch that to a hot pen. Yep. If you see another torture, like that's a torture device. You seared someone's skin. And then the other one, again, is a similar thing. My five pick is going to be Big Red. What do you lick?

You put it on your skin, right? Yep. People would just come up to me. Every goddamn kid is a goddamn psychopath. But we would just go up to sneak up behind someone, have it licked, and we'd just stick it on their forehead. Oh, I've never done it on the face. Oh, yeah. Do you guys know this? Have you guys ever done this. Yeah. But like, we would just go up to like sneak up behind someone, have it licked, and we would just like stick it on their forehead. Oh, I've never done it on the face. Oh, yeah. Do you guys know this?

Have you guys ever done this? Yeah. If you get a piece of like Big Red and you just lick them because there's so much cinnamon in it, I guess. I don't know, but. Like the candy? Huh? Like the candy?

The gum. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the gum. The candy? That's gum. I mean. Guns. Candy's not gum.

Well, what's the. Hot tamales. Hot tamales Yeah yeah yeah Right Do girls do any of these things I feel like they don't Like all the stuff we were describing Right here Did you do any of them

No right You guys just like Sat at home and talked about boys Also by the way Might ruin their lives Fucking big red soda That's gotta be Disgusting

Alright New number one Anyone who's ever even That's gotta be disgusting. Alright, new number one. Anyone who's ever even considered purchasing Big Red Soda. What is that thumbnail right there? Go down, down, down. That one right there. What are they doing? Are they drinking it out of a... Are they taking bites of the bottle?

What's happening? That's disgusting. If you drink... It's like a solid? I think they're like... It's like a... Like a meat... Okay, keep going, Jacqueline.

Wait, no, I want her to keep describing this. I want her to finish, It's like a meat what? I'm trying to say like a metaphor. Like a meat metaphor. A meat metaphor, she says, ladies and gentlemen. A meat metaphor. Big bread barbecue bar. Okay, I thought it was like a vegan ad.

I actually know where you're going, but I wanted you to say things like meat metaphors more. You obviously know where I was going with it. Well, now I do. Only once you said vegan ad did I understand it. When you said a meat metaphor, I had no fucking clue where you were going, Jackie. It wasn't a meat metaphor. Dude, that was my favorite conversation we've ever had.

I love that shit. And we talked with Ron Funches about like the good old days but we were talking about older like when you're kind of like roughing it and eating pizza for dinner and shit I want to go back another generation where you're like let's be violent with each other that was the best the absolute best violence against your friends

awesome tweet at us your top 5 delinquent toys delinquent you know things that you did, and let's get into our voicemails right now. They're brought to you by Icon, the Icon Pass. Brand new season is here. The sickest thing in the world. I mean, this is the best deal you can experience.

If you are into skiing, snowboarding, hitting the mountain in any way, you've got to get the icon pass for the 2021 2022 season you can get a pass for only 399 if you're an adult that has exclusive spring savings with an adventure for every type of rider both uh if you're new to the mountain if you're a long time skier snowboarder yeah if you ski twice it pays for your entire pass and also guess what if you even like skiing but sometimes you don't go twice buy this because you'll just go right and it'll make you go and if you ever want to go on a whim you want to be spontaneous if anybody else is like hey you want

to go skiing like hey i got a pass uh the amount of things that you'll spend 400 on is like you know don't don't get takeout for like a few days and you can get yourself a 2021 2022 ski pass i learned the other day that it even has windham on it which is you know oh that's yeah small mountain but that's like yeah that's nearby and that's like the one so you're an hour and a half away also how about this uh you don't have to put any money down so you can also just get it for free right now and you can pay it off with no interest rate so it's like we'll just give it to you now pay me later yeah give me when you pay me later that's 200 in savings on child passes

and up to 100 in savings in renewal discounts uh it's incredible it's got 40 uh different destinations uh i mean if you are into skiing it's like this reminds me of the old school movie pass when it was like 10 a month and you can go to the movies unlimited yeah this is a ski pass every single day i actually would recommend you do this because they're going to catch on and stop. It's like the old school saloon drinking specials where I was like, you're not going to make any money on this. And they're like, ah, we'll figure it out later. And then the bar closed forever. I feel like Icon people are going to be like, yeah, well, we were giving away ski passes, so we couldn't do it anymore.

So get on it now. It's the icon pass go to icon i-k-o-n pass.com and use uh and get your your pass for the 2021 21 and 22 season voicemails let's go hey guys what's up so i have a little bit of a story and a question i am an absolute slut for peanut butter um and so i really related to kfc's post about just taking that first scoop out of a new jar and was quite offended by how many people thought that that was weird and improper. Me and you both, sister. And so a story about how I used to go to the library in college, have full all-nighters just cracked out on adderall and i would bring a jar of peanut butter and a spoon and that's the only thing i would eat because i don't really have a good

reason that's just what i would eat whenever i was pulling all-nighters in college and so my question is what is the weirdest snack that you've ever eaten in public like i was i know that there was some pushback from the garbage boys and stuff. The fact that we are even talking about what's the weirdest snack you've ever eaten in public and it's inspired by peanut butter, I'm offended.

I'm offended. Peanut butter is a perfectly normal snack. Eat it with a spoon, eat it with celery, eat it with cereal, whatever. Put it on bread, don't put it on bread. It's a wonderful fucking food and you should be able to eat it anywhere cereal, whatever. Put it on bread. Don't put it on bread. It's a wonderful fucking food and you should be able to eat it anywhere you want

with reckless abandon and have no fear of being judged. I don't do peanut butter in the way you do peanut butter, but I also completely agree with you. There's nothing weird about eating peanut butter. Just do it, John. Try it. You'll love it. I like peanut butter. I honestly don't even think I have peanut butter in my house.

No. You know what I've been doing? I've made a peanut butter and jelly in forever, so I honestly don't even think I have peanut butter in my house. No. Wait. You know what I've been doing? I haven't made a peanut butter and jelly in forever, so I probably don't have it. You know what I've been doing? And I tell this with Ron Funchess a little bit. I've been putting a lot of things onto tortilla wraps. Yeah, you were saying that.

You put cannoli cream? Yeah, I put cannoli cream in there. That was like I was experimenting. But I really like peanut butter on soft white bread. But I didn't have any bread the other day so i just put peanut butter jelly on a wrap and i was like oh you know this is fucking legit yeah i love that but i also put like sugary bread put um horses kisses on a wrap and stuff but like are you like intentionally trying to to make that hard to hear? Maybe.

I don't know. I just put a lot of shit on wraps these days. That's all I'm saying. You put Hershey kisses? Yeah, I'll just put them in there. And then you can microwave them? Yeah. Also, though, yeah, right.

That's the thing. Also, sometimes I don't even microwave them. I'll just eat chocolate and eat the wrap at the same time. What did you have for dinner tonight? Chocolate and bread, probably. Asked you what I had for dinner last night. What did you have for dinner last night? Cannolis.

And then I had s'mores without the marshmallows. Just graham crackers and Hershey bars. It is stunning how you are in the shape you're in. Yeah, well, you know what? Fuck you. Also, the shape you're in yeah well you know what fuck you also the shape i'm in is like about to die so yeah let's not let's not get crazy here's the thing for us eating in public is like like i i put everything out there so it's like i was in the personal i was in the privacy of my home own home but you all watched me eat i took the cream out of a cannoli and spread it onto a wrap and ate it,

and I put that on my Instagram, so technically that was in public. So, like, my deepest, darkest, like, I was fat and high type moments are public to, you know. Yeah. So it's different for us, I feel like. Yeah, like, when I get that, like, commie mustache. I got a visceral reaction out of everyone in this room. Never.

Use the term commie mustache. Commie mustache ever again. If AOL was still popping, that should be your screen name. Commie mustache. Commie mustache would be a porn star. Commie mustache 6969. Honestly, that would be a good hook. That would be a good hook.

If you had a very memorable mustache and you just got cum in it all the time, it would be a good hook. It you had a very memorable mustache and you just got cum in it all the time, it'd be a good hook. It's essentially what happens every morning. It's just with a smoothie. It's not! It's with a smoothie, John! It'd be totally different if it was cum. What was the snack? What was your other snack, John? Tell me a bad snack.

It's obviously Go-Gurts. We all ate yogurt out of a bag for a while. I watched Keegan do that shit, man. Just pulls it, just smooths it out and takes it down like a champ. Like, whoa. Yeah, the most disgusting thing anyone's ever eaten in public is yogurt from a bag. I know you guys, I know so few people have this, but you never did the bag of milk, right?

No. I mean, I've like, oh, wait, you had this in school, right? Yeah, no, my buddies who played juniors and I went to Canada. They had that, yeah. So it was like a little pillow. It looked like a pillow, like perfect little corners and like just a fat bag. And we had to have a goddamn assembly on how to use them because you had to. If you have a meeting to teach children how to drink something, like maybe this design doesn't work.

I think the logic was that cartons of milk were either bad for the environment or took up too much space because you could just stack these bags on top. But you had to. It was kind of like getting a capri sun you know you had to like push down so the milk would like squirt up to one side and then you put your thumb over the thing and squirt it in and we you know teaching a bunch of like first graders how to do that it's pretty fucking hard i'm thinking about that now like if i was trying to teach shay how to do that she'd be like i can't fucking put the straw in this dude uh but that reminds me of one of my famous uh my favorite fun facts i've ever had um you are just fun fact king yeah no this is just not real at all um my dad told me and i guess he told me i was so young i didn't really understand jokes yet and that the capri sun was invented by a guy who owned laundromats.

I just thought that was real until like, I don't know. Probably my 30s. I'm guaranteeing there are people right now who are like, oh, I just learned that right now. I mean, it makes sense because you spill on yourself. People who don't.

Immediately after you're drinking a Capri Sun, and I'll tell you what, you're wearing a t-shirt. And like, immediately like, okay, I got a little fucking

clear liquid on my t-shirt. I'll be, I'll survive. I gotta bring some to the laundromat. I gotta bring some to the dry cleaners real quick. Watch it.

Did you, did you, I used to just flip it over and put it in the bottom. Did you actually sit there and get it through like the, I just put it in my mouth, I just put the straw in my mouth.

What does that mean? So I'd have the straw in my mouth, and then that's how I'd put it in. So like, when it scored out, I just drank, I in my mouth. What does that mean? So I'd have the straw in my mouth, and that's how I'd put it in. So when it squirted out, I had a sip. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, I just like... Okay, I don't hate that. I don't hate that.

Yeah. Next voicemail. What's up? First time, long time. I got a hypothetical for you. All right, so you get a one-time payment of $10 million. But for the rest of your life, until you die, once a year, Randy Johnson, in his prime, hunts you down and pegs you with a fastball.

Do you do it or no? I mean, yes, I do this, no problem. Because, first of all, this sounds awesome. I would do this for free. If Randy Johnson is out there and you are down to do this, I will do it for free. It sounds like Jumanji. When the hunter is always lurking.

He kind of looks like that guy. He's got a mustache. We have to go no headshots. Well, that's the thing. Okay, if we can magically... Because I was going to say, you could fucking die very easily from this. Well, the question is, Randy Johnson is his prime,

he could decide where his balls go. Randy Johnson right before his prime, he couldn't. Remember John Kroc putting the helmet on backwards at the All-Star game? That was one of the best sports moments of all time. That was crazy. There was a time where Randy Johnson, when he was a closer on the Mariners, he was a 6'10", mulleted freak who everyone was like like we don't know where the ball's going but he can throw like a hundred watch out i know pat light um no he does a lot with like section 10 and yeah starting nine

all that stuff now he brought up a point where i i never really thought about it that way where he's like it was scary for me he said like that like at the end of his career which was pretty short-lived i believe but i know um but at the end of his career like he didn't know where it was going oh and he's like he's like i don't want to hurt somebody really hard yeah i just couldn't locate and he's like that was fucking nerve-wracking right and then you probably could probably even get something worse i feel like uh uh pat pat light posted like a montage of him just getting tattooed the other day by the Angels. It was pretty funny. Really?

I didn't read the whole caption, but he was like, on this day, I felt like. And it was just like, Pujols, crack. Trout, crack. I think he did strike out Mike Trout. That was another one. Joey Molinaro posted a video of him being like, every batter after they struck out. And he was taking out his batting gloves. He was like, he doesn't even have it today.

That wasn't even a good pitch. It wasn't even fast. But I just blew it up. And he was like, Mike Trout when I struck him out. So I think he struck him out, which is awesome, but I think he also got clobbered by him and posted a whole montage of it. That's the way to, you know, I like how Pat handles it.

It's like, yeah, my ERA is like infinity on the Red Sox. But this thing, he would come and he would chase you down once a year and then he hits you and then he disappears until the next year. I'd be like, can we go over here? But once you hit me, can we go over here? Once you hit me, then we'll get to hang out a little bit. I think this would be fun. That's a huge caveat, though. He will kill you.

I also feel like if Randy Johnson hit me in the chest with a fastball, I think that would kill me. Oh my god, Randy, I'm begging you to do this. Could you imagine a Randy Johnson fastball off your shin? Right in the middle of your shin. It would have hurt so bad but that's living i bet i would i bet i would i i i would look back on times like this and just

my entire life before i made this bet with randy johnson that i'd be like i didn't even know what being alive was i never felt feelings i never felt feelings until like you know the day could you imagine the day that it hits like you wake up, you're like, and you look out the window and Randy Johnson. And you're like, today's the day. Today's the 2021 Randy Johnson day. Let's go. You've got a go bag underneath you. But you know what?

Okay, here's my thing. Randy! I don't know if you're on Twitter. Randy, let's do this. I'll buy your flight. Well, I can't buy your flights because then I'd know you were coming. I have a spin here. Here's the problem.

Kevin will buy your flight. Well, I know I can't buy your flights because then I'd know you're coming. I have a spin here. Here's the problem. Kevin will buy your flights. I think if it was me, I would be like, wait, like, cheese fire. Hang on. Let's go to the nearest ballpark. I'll stand in the batter's box. You can hit me from 60 feet six inches because then it's over. No, I wouldn't want that. You want

the eternal feeling of looking over your shoulder? No, because then it never... So you just want to spend your life running away from Randy Johnson fastballs. Yes. You can't even enjoy the $10 million.

Oh, yes I can. No, because you're busy running away from Randy Johnson. Dude, because here's the thing, if Randy gets you,

that's fucking hilarious. Like, it's like when your buddy, Randy! It's like, yeah, it's like when your buddy slaps you in the dick

and you're like, you're like, oh, you motherfucker, but you're like, oh, you motherfucker! But you're kind of laughing through it. I think I would be on the ground with a broken rib or two, and I'd be like, oh! You got me good, you fucker!

Fucking Randy, you son of a bitch! That's why they call him the big unit! You got me good, folks! I'll see you next year, you motherfucker! If I'm going to do this, I would hope that Randy Johnson... I mean, yes, it would be cool to go get a beer with him if you could finagle that. Otherwise, though, I want him to never speak to me. I want him to just come with that sidearm and he hits me and he just goes like...

And that's it. And then he picks up his bag of balls. Bro, this would be the best life ever this would be so this is this is literally all i want to do now i want to have money so i can pay randy okay to do this all right how about this let's do it pat white no because he can't locate he'll hit me in the head you get a helmet i have to wear a helmet all the time no well i mean it'll be a one-day thing. Yeah, no.

I want it all. I want it to be at all times. I could catch these hands at any moment. Okay. Randy Johnson can locate, but he can locate when he's standing on a mound, and you're standing there. You're not going to move. Yeah, he's got to be a good hunter, too.

No, that's the thing. You got to find me when I'm fucking... Pat Light. Catch me when the movie theater is open again. Pat Light is as good of a baseball hunter as Randy Johnson is. Because it is madness. There's no rhyme or reason to it. So there's no way that Randy Johnson is going to be that much.

Randy Johnson is good with a catcher and a batter standing still. Then I can hit my target. If you're going to be running and jumping and diving, and I'm going to be running after you, Pat Light is as good as Randy Johnson. We can replicate this. Yeah, but I think... For at least, let's do a week, where he can pop in here

at any moment. And just hit me with gas? Yeah. Okay. And I mean, actually, you know, I just don't want any collateral damage. Yeah. But we're doing it. Pat Light, you have been enlisted by KFC Radio. Don't hit me in the head dude don't how about think about it like this by the time he bursts in the door like we'll have a we'll

have a helmet here we'll have a helmet at your desk we'll have a helmet a couple helmets around right so you can just grab it and go home and give him a key you're gonna him a key? Huh? Are you going to give him a key to my place? Well, I mean, as you're walking in or whatever, he'll find out where you live. Yeah. You'll have a helmet, like a go bag, just ready to go helmet at all times. All right, let's do it.

Pat, I love you. I'd prefer it was Randy. No offense. But yeah, we'll go. We'll go. And to be clear. Maybe it'll become such a thing that Randy will catch wind of it I think we can definitely get this sponsored

to be clear we're doing this for no money this is just fun this is just so I can start feeling emotions again last voicemail is brought to you by 3Chi this week is 3Chi 421 day.

We are doing our special Wednesday night, 421. Me, Feidelberg, and Duggs. Duggs will be dabbling with THC for the first time ever. And I encourage you, like Duggs, to try out some 3C if you've never even dabbled in the world of marijuana, CBD, THC, edibles. Because 3C is a legitimate life changer. Like I used to struggle with sleeping and I've tried like melatonin and I've tried, uh, and I'll sometimes I'll just take Benadryl, but like that makes you groggy, groggy and drowsy. Uh, or, you know, I don't want to have to get like a ambient prescription or something

like that. Uh, and then I learned 3g and it's like oh my god you get this you get a little high you get euphoria you enjoy your night and then you sleep like a baby that's a life changer when you realize that you can just order and also i used to like i of course i dabble with gummies and edibles before but it's like you have to know a guy you have to get them you have to pick up this is just like go online order it it's all legal it's all safe it's all natural and it gets delivered right to your door. 3Chi is Delta 8 extract, which means they extracted all of the good compound of marijuana that gets you the high, gets you the tingles, gets you the euphoria, takes away some of your pain and anxiety. It's got the CBD in it so that that has the medicinal aspect.

And you can purchase it right off the Internet. You got to be 21 or older. It's a substance that needs to be controlled. You will test positive on a drug test. It's not magic. It's not THC. It is. But because everything's getting legalized and normalized, then you can buy it now off the internet.

Who gets drug tested, by the way? People trying to get jobs for the government. Just the government? When I was growing up, I thought every job ever you got drug tested. I think a lot of jobs do. Really? just the government when I was growing up I thought like every job ever you got drug tested I think a lot of jobs do I think like my friends in the finance world would get drug tested

and I don't think it was like if you pop you don't get the job I think they just wanted to know where they were at probably was almost like Goldman Sachs you're doing a lot of cocaine you're going right to the top sir it's just for the application.

Are they tested regularly still? I think if you're in a union. Union to get tested? Definitely get tested. I think a lot of times you know when it's coming. I don't know if I'm in a fucking forum. I think anything that's organized. Boot licker!

Yeah, I'm a You guys are boot lickers. I'm high as's like organized. Bootlicker! Like, yeah, I'm a fuck. You guys are bootlickers. I'm high as shit over here, man. I'm sorry. I like to have fun on the weekends, bro. That makes me a bootlicker. Seriously, I'll take it. 3C's got the gummies.

They got vapes. They've got these cookies now. I ate them. Fuck. So how about this? So here's the thing about 3C. It's the real deal. So be 21 or older.

Do it responsibly. Read the serving sizes and the milligrams and heed these words because it's strong and it gets the job done. So go to 3C.com. That's the number 3CHI.com. Use promo code KFC2021 and you get 5% off your order.

Today, I'm watching Roan film with Frank Tank. And he's drinking some soda, and he's eating some cookies, whatever. And I hear Roan being like, 420, huh? Like, you're going to dabble with this? And I know, as of Friday, Frank had never, he said he never touched any weed at all. And I look at Frank and half a cookie down. And you're supposed to only have a quarter of the three cheat cookies. And he had half.

So I walk over and I'm laughing. I'm like, what is it? You eating? You doing edibles, Frank? Thinking he was going to laugh and be like, no. And he's like, yeah, it's like the three cheat cookie. And I was like, oh, no, you shouldn't do that. I went into dad mode and I took it away from him.

I was like, no, I'm taking that away from you. Like, give me that right now. I was like full blown like a child. Like he was going to eat the whole thing. Because, you know, we know Frank likes his sweets. If you eat a whole 3G cookie, see you on Thursday. 50, right? Yeah.

See you later, man. So, Frank, I think he's probably enjoying himself right about now. Go to 3G.com promo code kfc 2021 for five percent off last one let's go hey what's up kfc fight jackie nick cali boy dc if you're still on this i got a um hypothetical would you rather for you guys. You guys are a bunch of sickos. So would you rather have a button that you could press and it would crack all the bones and joints in your body at the same time,

just boom, done, you feel great, or would you rather have a button that you press and it pops all the pimples and all the pores on your body, your face, your shoulders, all that. Alright. Let me know what you guys think.

This is the greatest question of all time. This is such a great question. And I could go on. I could write a dissertation on this whole thing. I, I mean, you're the expert here. Goddamn right I am. I just like to crack my stuff, but like, I don't feel any better afterwards.

It's just kind of, when I crack my dick, I feel so much better. wait was this you someone was talking about cracking their dick recently uh that was you i mean you crack in the morning right wait a minute no i was not talking to you i was talking to pat on out and about about it oh but you then you told me the story that i think not recently no i did not so someone else told you that and i'd like to talk to them because they're like we're we're we're like a, and I would like to talk to them because we're like a small bunch. We're like left-handed. There's no way I have two people in my life who crack their dick.

We're left-handed gingers. I need to meet them. There's so very few of us that I need to talk to someone else who cracks their dick. No, I refuse to believe that I know two people who crack their dicks. You do it in the morning, right? When you have morning wood or something like that? I mean, that's the thing. I've never said that.

I do it when I have a morning, noon, night. Is my dick hard? I'm cracking it. So who have you been talking to, John? Because I need to know. Honestly, it probably was Pat. Pat probably told me. Does Pat crack his dick?

Because he has... Well, he probably was like, you know your co-host is a psychopath, right? He might have just said in bell or something, it happens in the morning. Okay, so... That's different. What do you mean? Did you hear a crack? Oh, yes.

It's like loud and clear. I almost like want to do it somehow that's not like ragingly inappropriate. You know what I mean? I agree. Like I think I need to hear this. Like if I were to like make a video with my phone, you would absolutely hear it. Tomorrow morning. Should I make it just a video that's like all black?

Like I'll just cover the, you know what I mean? Yes. You I make a video that's all black? Yes. What is cracking? The base of my dick. It's wild. Right where your dick meets. No. It feels like cracking your knuckles. Tomorrow I'll expect a video.

And when it... Whenever you find yourself horny I'll expect a video. And when it – sometimes, you know, again – Or tonight, yeah. Whenever you find yourself horny, send me a video. I don't know if I can – like posting that is like – like here's KFC's dick cracking. Like that's – I might send – I'll send it to you. I don't know if we can do a public – Yeah, no, no, no.

Yeah, don't. Private text. Here's my number. We should do like 80K subscribers. Yeah. You guys want to see some dick cracking. Follow, subscribe on YouTube. Yeah, man.

It's crazy. And the funny thing is, like, if you crack your dick, we are small. We are a legion. We are small. But like, if you. These are your dicks. I Googled this because I was like afraid, you know, like what you are your dicks, like I Googled this because I was like afraid, you know, like what is happening?

And then there are people who are like, this is a new thing. This isn't your whole life. No, it's been a while, but I mean, I guess not. I was not like a, like a teenager doing it. So I guess it's like a little later in life or maybe I just didn't notice it. You know what it probably is. I don't think I was doing certain things with my dick until later in life. I was, you know, you're just tugging it this way and that way.

Julie elements, MCL, like it's fucking, yeah. Oh, no, we started running fucking hot routes. It was right.

Right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'm doing some things with it. Um,

but like the people who don't crack their dicks are like, what do you mean? You're going to break it. And like, you're being an idiot. And I, and I have people be like, I'm a doctor and you're going to like fracture your

and then the guys who do crack their dick are like no man it's just like cracking your dick no big deal I'd listen to the doctors like internet doctors I have doctors being like oh I don't know smoking might give you cancer but me and all the boys

in the smoking lounge like it's just a cigarette who gives a shit? All the guys are just drinking out of me like, no big deal. It's totally fine. I've been doing this for 30 years. It doesn't affect me at all. It feels great. And it can crack

like during action which is cool yeah I'll crack girl I'm gonna crack my dick inside you girl nothing like a fucking girl whose trachea is getting crushed going does your dick just break Take this break. The podcast is over.

Ron Funches is up next. I'll answer the question tomorrow, next episode. Ron Funches is up next. It's brought to you by Black Rifle Coffee. Black Rifle Coffee is American-made coffee made by an American veteran for the American people. So you know that it's high quality. It's strong. It gets the job done just like the American veterans of war. He's a CEO and the founder, Evan Hafer.

He spent over seven years on the ground in Iraq perfecting his coffee. And it supports law enforcement, veterans of war, war first responders all sorts of causes that black rifle coffee back and support they donated over six million cups of coffee to deployed soldiers law enforcement and medical workers through the buy a bag give a bag initiative so you can go to black rifle coffee.com slash kfc get the freshest coffee in the america shipped right to you when you sign up you sign up, you get some discounts. You get early access to new products and club exclusive products. You also get the coffee, freshest coffee in America delivered right to your door.

And you know that you're supporting a good cause with the veterans and the first responders. So go to BlackRifleCoffee.com slash KFC. Let's talk to Ron Funches. Hello. What's up, man? Okay. What's up, John? How are you doing?

Oh, just unbelievable. You're always such a calming presence, Ron. That voice and just like you're always so chill. It feels good. Oh, are you upset? No, well, pretty much always kind of, you know, yeah. Nothing specific, just the general, you know, day to

day. But you're just always and that smile comes out, man. I'm already in already in a better mood well then you make me feel better so now we keep feeding each other for once on my show how you doing man how you been oh man can't complain things are you know went from bad to good so uh really excited and happy that's the good thing about when shit goes really off the rails is you can only go up right the bar is down on the floor and everything that happens is good truly truly uh i was just watching the uh like the promo for this new show chop 420 and uh the one dude had such a good tagline where he was like the stakes are high and so are we I was like I'm in I'm in on this show

I like it sounds good to me yeah it really I mean that's actually the perfect tagline for it I think because it is like a mix of fun I think like the other high shows were just like fun you know like oh we're just fun and this is like no this is a competition

there's money involved we want to win but we're also baked out of our fucking minds i feel like that uh that's this might be in my mind at least the first thing um because weed is just becoming legalized and and prevalent everywhere and it's no longer this illicit thing that like you do in secret i feel like it's going to take over you know like you're doing a cooking show with weed and next you're just going to do blah blah with weed everything is just going to be with some cannabis i'm all for it i love it to me it's like that step in normalizing things you know you go from legalizing and then you want to go to normalizing and and part of that is putting marijuana in a place like this where it is like a cooking show my mom would watch my grandma would watch but then there's also

marijuana and drag queens in it so it is like an anti-stoner thing though like you're going by the stereotypes like we're making fancy things like dude just put chips in the microwave i'll eat that which is something i literally did last night so it was just a random thought was it like uh like tortilla chips with some cheese in the microwave yeah i was wondering i have two i was like did he just microwave he's like i just want some warm doritos right what do you think is what's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten when you've got the munchies when you're high as shit oh i'm not gonna say weird i'm gonna

say excellent the best thing i've ever made the experiment that I've ever created was I got a stone and I had a box of kicks which is a fun cereal to have in general just the light sweetness it doesn't overpower you it's not cinnamon toast crunch but what is and then I looked over and I saw a jar of Nutella and I was like we gotta mix these two together and putting them in that Nutella hit that ice cold milk and started to ball up and made it like a little chocolate with the kicks I was like this is this was a great high decision the other day I had a uh a leftover cannoli in my fridge and the uh the shell was like stale so it wasn't crunchy anymore but it was kind of just like you know it was just in between not soft not crunchy so i took out all

of the cannoli filling and i spread it onto a tortilla and i had like a soft cannoli a soft taco cannoli and i was like this is the best thing ever and then i posted it on my instagram and everyone was like this is fucking disgusting bro i was like i could tell you right away people will make fun of that taco bell is probably like i did my my best one ever which is now know, it's been immortalized in a book, was the Eggo ice cream sandwich. I got Eggo waffles, put peanut butter on them, half-baked Ben & Jerry's on the made-a-sandwich, then put fucking drinkled syrup on it and ate it with a fork. Unbelievable.

Oh, okay. And aren't you the ones who said that you don't do classy food? That's true. If you're over here, you will win. That sounds like something they would be charging $30 for. With a fork and knife. Where do you stand on, do you ever dabble in the world of Domino's? The food or the bones?

We had a big argument the other day regarding the lava cakes at Domino's. Because I think those lava cakes, I think you could serve those at like a Michelin star steakhouse as a lava cake dessert and nobody would even know the difference. I'm a strong lava cake supporter. I have to agree with you with that for sure. Domino's actually has a very warm place in my heart just because when I was struggling coming up and I didn't have money at all, my son had my son, people know me, my son has autism. His diet was very limited. All he would want to eat is cheese, eat some extra sauce and um my friend worked at a domino's i didn't have much money at all and he just at one point he was like here's 50 free pizza coupons and i would just call this

place up every week to the point that they were like where'd you get these from i'm like i'm not you're like an addict who stole like a doctor's prescription pad yeah domino's is a funny uh you get a lot of people here in new york who are who are above domino's because you know you can get good pizza on the corner and it's like yeah okay i'm not gonna say that it's better than you know the the homemade pizzeria that's been there for 60 years and in the name of the same family but two things these things can coexist they both can be yeah both can be you know like you said a good place like saying mcdonald's shouldn't exist because a burger at home is better or because barbecues exist of course if we want to do it

we should all just have a burger at a backyard barbecue because there's no burger that tastes better. But you've got to have some occasion. You want to make a cheeseburger meal with the fry and a drink. And that's a different that's a different experience. I was about to ask you what your go to order at McDonald's is, but I think we just got our answer. Got it. There was one time when I was I walked into a Domino's in New York and I was like, I wasn't like drunk, but I had a few beers and, uh, I was really hungry.

I just wanted to grab a slice. I walked into a Domino's and was like, can I get two slices? They almost called the police. They're like, dude, we didn't even know this door worked. First of all, first of all. Second of all, it's $5 for a full pizza. What do you know? We don't serve slices.

You're like, I got 60 cents. Can you help me out? And that was recently. The sad thing is, John was like 29 when he did that. No, bro, I was 32. You should have known better. In Hoboken when I lived there called seven star pizza. And they had one of these places, the slices were like this big for some, you know, one of those places that just make comically large slices.

So I would get that. And the garlic knots, I believe were $1 per order. And would get that and the garlic knots i believe were one dollar per order and and it came with like 20 garlic knots so i'd eat dinner like probably dinner and and breakfast the next morning for like three dollars total two dollars for a slice a dollar for garlic nuts knots and it kept me kept me alive i mean it kept me afloat for several years yeah and we got the i think the la version of that was a burrito truck. There was this burrito truck in Highland park burrito. So big five bucks. I split it in half,

have it for lunch, have it for dinner. And that would be my thing. I kind of miss that stuff, man. You know, I don't. I recall it. I remember. that's good enough the um i actually think too like people people do say like

so like when you remember the struggle meals and stuff i i it's definitely looking at it through like rose card lenses oh sure it was worth it now but like looking back on i'm like that was fucking fun that's what i mean people think like oh like you i'm like don't ever say i sacrificed because i was having a time my life all right well his one though your one order was particularly bleak when it was uh a craft single on top of the tomato tomato soup yeah i lived on a drug dealer's couch and all i could afford it was a weed dealer like you know yeah i got it but i lived on a drug dealer's couch and i would eat fucking like all i could afford was uh tomato soup and i'd put cheese on it to melt to like make it a little thicker i wouldn't be as hungry and i was like i think that was awesome that was the most fun year i've ever

had i think so like i'm not i'm not like, oh, I sacrificed. Nah, it was a blast, bro. I have fun doing stuff like that, but also by the time I was 20, I was getting married and I had a kid, so I was trying to split that money between the three of us. You had a kid when you were 20, Ron? Yeah, my son's about to be 18 and four days. Oh,

wow. Happy early birthday to him. It's remarkable. You know what you've done and, you know, raising him and everything you've done with the autism community, but more boy at 20. I mean,

that is, I was still, I was such an idiot at 20. I'm still an idiot now. And I can't believe that I'm, I'm raising. That's how I got the kid. I'm 36. Now I got a four year old and a three year old. Sometimes I'm like,

I cannot believe the society allows me to raise other humans. And I can't believe, I can't even imagine what I would have been doing 16 years younger than that oh my god hats off to you man no well I mean he's more saved my life I don't know what I'd be doing now if it hadn't happened then you know like he got me focused and when he was diagnosed with autism and it made me be like oh I need to pick a career because I gotta take care of this kid and that's what led me down my comedy journey and now a bunch of cool stuff in my life have happened because of him including like i got my own signature shoe coming out with puma for autism acceptance months because of my son you know and real excited about that what can

we expect with that with that sneaker what do we go for like a casual look of like crazy look uh let me just go get it and show you how about that let me see it oh yeah like a full-on boxing look at this we got we're going with the bright box we got the bright yellow box so we're getting we got my name on the box i probably gotta get super close there we go how fucking cool must that feel like oh as a guy who got cut from jv basketball to now have my own sneaker it feels it feels amazing but at most it feels right if you know me in stand-up community at all you know i'm a big proponent for people taking stand-ups more seriously i'm like why do rappers got shoes and we ain't got shoes we stand up that's the name so we got these i got my own shoes the puma clides it's just that classic

silhouette yay they got the nice hit you with that hell yeah with that pop i got on the back i got my son's oh it seemed like boom yeah you can't really see there but they got a little inside of my son's headphones that he likes to wear he wears a little peltor earmuffs because these the sound always bother him and i was like i wanted to pay homage to that so i got the little headphones on the back they got a little logo in his tongue and then they have my little puma and it says my name Ron Funches on the tongue I like shit like that

that's like pretty low key like a low top white sneaker but then some pop that's what I'm about I like that classic that's something that you could wear to a wedding but then if people saw you they go oh that guy's funny

the that's when I was like I think it was probably in high school I was really into GQ like just loved GQ magazine I thought the guy who gave the bartender who gave advice in the start of the magazine was the wisest man in the world

but there was one thing he said once that's like still sticks with me says you should always be wearing something that says fuck you and i think that's like that bright pop like all right here it is like this most of this is normal but there's a little bit of fuck you in here yeah i agree with you with that that's why like i hate wearing ties or anything like that like i like to wear a suit but like i usually keep that open collar that's my little that like i like to wear a suit but like i usually keep that open collar that's my little fuck you are if you're forced to wear a tie then it's like a mario tie or something a little fun you know do you think that ties are just are done i feel like we were talking about a couple weeks ago after the pandemic that people are like ties are the

dumbest thing that society ever invented why we were like, let's just tie this thing around our neck. And that means that you're, you know, dressing proper for the event. Fuck that, man. Yeah, I agree with you. Now, there's some suits that do just look like they need like a little pop of color that a tie will give you. And that's that I'm willing to agree with and live with. However, I prefer a bow tie. I prefer something fun to me a tie i mean and it might

just be just because that's going back to my 20s when i was like working at a bank and wanted to get out of there and one thing tie just meant like oppression a tie meant that i wasn't happy because they you know it's like it's like almost like oh i'm free and i'm happy and like now i'm at work you know i don't like that. It's kind of like a little on the nose that like when you have to get dressed up to go to a corporate job, it physically choked you. You know, like even getting that top button done.

That was probably more speaking more to my, me putting on weight than anything. But I was like, I can't even get the button done, man. How am I supposed to put the tie on? No, I agree with that. I hate that top button it makes you can take a regular outfit and then make you feel so fat from the top button you're just gonna burst out of it it's funny that you so you you kind of picked a career

and went after it because you had to provide for your son whereas i said i i need a job where i don't have to wear these clothes i need a job where i don't have to wear these clothes. I need a job where I can wear sweatpants. That was my motivation. You had an autistic son, sweatpants over here. We both won. How does it feel to have like a, I mean, you know, you've been on, you've done stand up many times on television, you know, no stranger to it, but to be on something like this, I've always wanted to be on a game show or a

competition show or something of that nature I feel like that's a cool bucket list thing to check off yeah it feels right it feels like right up my skill set to be honest with you like I'm I'm just with my demeanor like you said I come in I try to make things feel happier feel more upbeat more calm and that's like what a good host does it allows people to shine it allows people picks up those dull moments with a quick joke you know and i i love having that skill set i love marijuana i have since i was 16 years old and now being able and for a while i was trying to walk run away from that a bit because i was like oh they're not going to want to give me jobs they're not going to want to put me in disney movies or whatever and then it just took

my manager being like you know people no matter what people know you smoke weed it just you can tell you can smell it on you so why don't you just be who you are and i like that i and that's what i think the whole show is about embracing what you like embracing who you are and it's just a i mean chopped it's a well-polished well-established series and for them to add me to it add what i do to it and for a beginning i was a little apprehensive i was like oh i'm just gonna be like ted allen i'm gonna stand back i'm gonna let everybody else do their thing and then then we did like the first day and they were like uh i think the first round and they were like look you're doing a good job but like we we hired you because we like you just be you this is this is because i was like oh this

is chopped featuring ron funches and they were like this is your show just treat it like it's your show and i was like oh that i've been you know how long i've been waiting and you just unleashed the beast man the Hulk is gonna come out now yeah pretty much exactly once they told me that it was on on. Are you high during this? Oh, yeah, definitely. I figured that. Probably a silly question, but I wasn't sure if it was like, let's be professional on camera and then we'll get high afterwards. But no, everyone's just stoned while we're doing it.

It's slightly high for me. The other judges, as they eat and stuff, they get more and more high for sure at the show. But for me, it was like, it's the type of high that i would do before i would go to work at that bank or what is uh counting money i was in charge of people's personal wealth that high yeah what's the uh what is the like the most uh the fanciest dish that someone's made and what was the dish that was there a dish that just like put everyone on their ass like super fucking high oh yeah definitely uh the the

one that i remember the most that i love was uh chef swoop this gentleman out of uh oakland california he made this beautiful roasted duck i think he used sour diesel in it i don't remember the next strain anymore but it was just the way he roasted it the way he liqueur did that so that it had this nice little uh flavor profile to it then you could smell the weed coming off of it as well it's truly one of the best things i've ever tasted in my life and uh for each round it's supposed to stick to a cap of how much thc they can use and one time a gentleman pretty much just forgot that all right so i think there was like 200 milligrams in his one dish and so you could just smell it and hell and nobody wanted to taste it but i did yeah i mean this is the problem with these fucking shows though because guess what you

talk about roasted duck i am starving yeah i could not be any hungrier and you know what the problem is as weed gets legalized normalized as people gourmet chefs start dabbling with it like the first time i had edibles i had you know one of my idiot friends in high school who didn't even like put it in the butter he just put like you know one of my idiot friends in high school who didn't even like put it in the butter he just put like you know chunks of weed into the fucking batter it was terrible and I'm literally just eating weed and so it it was it was you know I only had a couple bites because I only wanted that it was so disgusting now as we perfect it it's like I want to eat this whole dish man but you're only supposed to have a couple of bites.

You know, we got we got to come. No, but that's not that's not necessarily the case. That's well, yeah. That's what I mean. As people get better than we can. You know, right now, it's like if I eat this whole cookie, at least for me, I'm going to be zooming and I'm not able to just have, you know, me. I can't have just one bite of a cookie.

I can't have just one cookie. I can have like five cookies. So if they all have weed, I'm in trouble. But I think, you know, when gourmet shifts, chefs start coming around, they start to figure out the dosage and the meal and the, and the serving size. Absolutely. That's it. Exactly. It's taking it from, I think it's so many people have that, that experience of just someone throw in, I'd say it in a trailer,

they throw some ditch weed in a brownie and there you go. And they overdose you and people get scared and that's it. And that's what we're trying to show is not only entertain, but bring a little bit of knowledge of like, we can figure out exactly how much THC. Sometimes they don't use any THC. Sometimes they just want to use CBD to relax you and then come back with THC later.

Sometimes they like the combo effect of it. So it's about, you know, adding another tool, another herb, another spice into their repertoire. And if you get a good chef that knows what they're doing and give them saffron or truffles, they'll give you something great. But you give Nova some truff truffles you're gonna get something terrible yeah right it's like anything else just another ingredient right exactly it is it is so funny like if you just think back on like what we were raised on like the commercials like this is your brain on drug it's like bitch i'm a scientist in the kitchen that's my fucking brain on drugs oh I wonder if we didn't have that stupid messaging back in the day that was like if you smoke weed you're gonna die if you know how much further along we would be as a society with like

yeah you still see it today people will still they're still politicians and it's it's so funny because at least now when they do it they sound so stupid when they're like i think recently there's a place where they're like we can't legalize if we legalize weed all the parents will be high and their kids will die yeah it was the uh i think he was a governor of georgia i believe it was georgia he was like i think he's exactly what was like if you legalize weed, you will kill your children. At the same time though. Yeah. Go ahead and have like, you know, three martinis and drive home. No big deal. That's fine.

Cause alcohol is legal. It's fucking crazy, man. Do you, do you, do you cook? Like are you able to whip up some of these dishes or are you just. Oh, hell no. Not at all. that's what makes this fun for me i i went on chop uh several years ago telling them hey i don't know how to cook uh so and i didn't know how real that show is that's the first thing i learned to respect it because i went on there like oh some producer will hand me something and give me directions and they were just like here's your mystery ingredients get to work and so um i went out very first round but i was very charming and fun and that's how

they chopped people knew me and they now i went from being chopped to hosting it and but i still can't cook worth a damn no look at that though if that's not the the the you're the poster child for like you know you didn't really lose that day you didn't know it at the time but that ended up being the most like important thing you probably did for your career in a long time is losing on that first round but you know doing it with like with a smile on your face i really love how you put that and because it was it was a bigger decision than like just like oh I'm gonna just go because it was like for a lot of stand-ups they're very we're an egotistical group and we're very much like well we just gotta be the best stand-up and go out there

and focus on stand-up and a lot of people don't go like you know to go do a cooking show is hacky or lame you know but I was like my mom watched chops my my mom's friends watch chop my mom's friends don't watch comedy central i want you know all the people i've been on comedy central 40 times now right let me go talk to the people who i haven't talked to before yeah them that i'm funny it's so true with the comedy world like i was talking to chris stefano who's got this uh i love chris and and you know he said that there's some people in the industry who are like what are you doing why are you doing like a a cable tv show you should be focusing on digital on the internet and he's like well yeah i am but also you know i work with sal vulcano who's making like a billion

dollars a year on true tv and reaching all these you know these whole new dynamics demographics so yeah i don't i don't know why the comedy world is so blinders on when it comes to that stuff i just think it's um it's just like anything like high school right like you you follow these cool kids and then they like like well no i don't know if that's cool or not yeah but to me that's not that's the opposite of why i got into comedy i got into comedy to have fun and be myself and try new things so like i've always like i've been on you know cupcake wars i've been on i'll show up any place because that's different that's different than me doing the same thing every day are you um investing in in cannabis at all there's so much money to be made if you hit on the right uh yeah a little bit but all the ones i've been picking haven't been good there's a billion to pick from and like how how do you know which one's gonna be

the one but man if you get right if you if you get lucky and you hit it right it's a lot of money to be made i know least fortunately all the ones i've been investing have been super cheap like you know dollar 40 stock right so i've just been like all right i'll keep throw you keep going down but maybe this is the one maybe i feel like uh it's nick lachey is the guy right fight so that's what i was just gonna say it's my favorite of all my stupid facts that's my favorite one that's probably also not real that the day weed is legalized in ohio nick lachey becomes a billionaire because he owns like all of the weed farms in ohio he's like the the lord of of weed in in ohio and they keep but they keep shooting it down it keeps going to a vote and i'm sure nick lachey is sitting at his computer

like refresh refresh refresh refresh, refresh. And every time it doesn't pass, he's probably like, God damn it! I'm still just a regular millionaire. I still have this stupid 98 degrees tattoo on my arm. Over here, 98. Down here, 420 well uh it's it's it's a cool show it's a great concept i'm sure people are gonna love it too you think i mean this probably what do you think the next show may be you think the next like competition show with weed or which one would you want to see uh mass smoker who's in this costume smoking weed with you

that would be man someone dressed as like a giant bug or something taking a huge bong rip and you're like i think it's i think it's seth rogan that would be fun that would be great i'd like to see like a bachelor or bachelorette where just everybody's super, super stoned. Just super high. What do you think, man? I think the producers would hate that because then they wouldn't throw bottles of champagne at each other anymore. Everyone would just be chill.

Like the most boring show ever. They would actually fall in love. Yeah, they'd be like, you know what? Why don't we just all fuck? Alright, dude. So when 420 chopped on Discovery, right? I believe it is. Discovery Plus Chopped 420 is out on 425 episodes

available to stream. So go ahead and binge them all. They are amazing. I'm truly proud of this, and I would tell you if I wasn't i don't lie about it uh other than that just uh you know ronfunches.com i'm getting back on tour if you want to come see me i'm on twitch all the time at twitch.tv ron underscore funches and i'm in a movie called golden arm at the end of month about a comedy about lady arm wrestling on april 30th a guy who's real into ladies arm wrestling

and that we we did a we did a a couple guys who we work with did a arm wrestling competition with uh some ladies and do you remember when dan arm wrestled that chick yeah and it was like she was big dan's a big guy though he's like 6 6'2", 230. So even like the strongest girl, he's going to beat. But I think it was such a weird spot to be where it's like, well, if I beat you, it looks like I'm kind of picking on you. But if I lose to you, then I'm like the sucker. You gotta go for full quality.

You gotta break a wrist. Right. I love it. All right, dude. Well, thanks so much for the time congrats on the show and happy early birthday to your son I appreciate that and again

thank you guys for always supporting me whether it's comedy or my stuff I appreciate you guys you got it man talk to you soon later man did you just break your dick and I'm like no I'm good okay I got nervous because I've never heard that sound before

are you sure that sounded pretty loud oh man sounded pretty loud. Alright, big shout out to Ron Funches coming through. The weedification of America is going to be a fun one. I actually, I kind of just didn't get around to asking about it, but it is interesting

that they can just be high on set. Yeah, they use all sorts of rules. And you're not about to be drunk. Yeah, mean you can't be drunk right you're not supposed to be but the uh robin williams had a long career yeah but the uh but like yeah like you're not so like you know when they're serving a drink it's not actually a drink but this is all like actually weed right so i guess like it's basically like you literally get one take right i guess so i mean right right right i wonder too if it's like you you get one take, right? I guess so. You can't just keep eating it. Right, right, right.

I wonder, too, if it's like, you know, I think you're probably supposed to just take a nibble or whatever, but some people are probably fucking eating up. Yeah, you fucking bring me a fucking roasted duck with caramel sauce and all the fucking other shit. I'm eating whatever's in it. You can eat that shit. It could be poison in there, and I'll eat it,

let alone if it's something good. So thanks to Ron Funches, and always make sure you go to YouTube and subscribe. We did subscriptions Sunday. On Sunday, we got a bunch of new signups. Every week, Sundays, I'm going to be doing a giveaway for merch. So if you subscribe to KFC Radio and The Kevin Clancy Show on YouTube, where you get episodes of the podcast, you get episodes of One Thing I Learned, there's episodes of Behind the Blog, you get all the One Minute Man videos. When did you of One Thing I Learned. There's episodes of Behind the Blog.

You get all the One Minute Man videos. When did you do One Thing I Learned? Next week. So next week will be a new cartoon. All the backlogged interviews of all the Barstool personalities on Behind the Blog. Every One Minute Man episode on Kevin Clancy's show. All of our YouTube clips. We got exclusive interviews.

I did the Ben Askren interview before the fight. That was only on YouTube. So we're really trying to grow the YouTube presence. So if you subscribe to both of those pages and, which by the way you can do with just your Gmail. So even if you don't use YouTube and know how to do it, just log in with your Gmail, subscribe, send screenshots

to the Kevin Clancy show Twitter or the KFC Radio Instagram. That's where people are checking and you will be in the running for a merch giveaway where you can get some Moon Man hoodies, some of the new Barstool Indoors loungewear, some of the Sad Boys season stuff,

the new subtitle shirts, Taylor Swift, your pick of a couple items. But you've got to subscribe to both channels. Make sure you go. Make sure you subscribe to all the channels on YouTube. That's what your grandma

is going to sound like while she takes her last breath. I'm getting descriptive now. I think it's low-grade. សូវាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា Thank you. Bye.