KFC Radio - Chris Distefano and Jon Bernthal & John Pollono || Alec Baldwin Accidentally Shot and Killed Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

- Thoughts on Alec Baldwin accidentally killing a woman using a prop gun - The God Damn Jets - Tom Brady asked for his 600th TD ball back - NFL Recap Week 7 - Jacqed Up - Influencer WERKS it for the gram infant of her dad’s coffin - Feits’ weekend at Foxwoods - Top 5 Acceptable Injuries for Adults - Voicemails - Chris Distefano Interview - Jon Bernthal and John Pollono Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00 - Intro/Merch 08:33 - Alec Baldwin Killed a Woman 22:07 - The God Damn Jets 25:17 - the Tom Brady Take 32:16 - Jacqed Up 40:47 - Dead dad photoshoot 49:13 - Feit’s weekend 1:14:18 - Top 5 Acceptable Injuries for Adults 1:28:20 - Voicemails 01:55:40 - Chris Distefano Interview 01:55:40 - Jon Bernthal & John Pollono InterviewYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The announcers are like, Mike White is coming into the game right now, and I'm sitting at home going, who the fuck is Mike White? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm bringing it to you. Welcome. Welcome. I'm rocking my Nectar eyeglasses

here. I'm just going to become a glasses guy. Yeah, well, you should. It works. Does it? Yeah. It's sexy. Wait, it's good looking. Whoa. Nah, it's fine. Yeah, well, fuck your face! We're coming in hot, baby. Let's go. Nectar sunglasses right now. You can get the shades or the

blue blocker. You look very handsome, Kevin. You're going to love that one. You can rock the sunglasses. And when you buy them, you also get the blue light filtering eyeglasses that you got here. So, you know, I'm going to be like Clark Kent. Smart. Bam.

Put on the sunglasses. I'm super man. You go to Clark Kent Terminator. Yes, that's exactly what it is. We'll mix them both worlds. For sure. What's up? I'm Dean Kane. What's up? I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's what these sunglasses do. Do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger has an IQ of like 150? No, but it doesn't surprise me.

Really? Yeah. What surprised me? He's a big dumb meathead. Nobody's not. See, Bill Burr, that's one of my favorite bits in the history of comedy. Bill Burr's Arnold Schwarzenegger bit, where he's talking about how he gets famous and he's like I'm gonna become the governor of a

state I can't pronounce there's no fucking way you're doing that did you ever see the clip of him getting hit with an

egg I saw it I think it went viral this weekend or something like that I definitely saw it recently they owe me

bacon it's only right you hit me with the eggs you got to give me the bacon it's like and this is why it's so great you You hit me with the eggs, you got to give me the bacon. It's like, and this is why it's so great.

You can do this in this country. Imagine, you know, in a dictatorship. This is why America is the best. People throw embryo poultry at you. Well, I'll tell you why America is the best, though. You can get quality products like this right over your internet, delivered right to your house for just $50. They're stylish. They're polarized.

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selling blue light blockers that I'm rocking right now as soon as you buy a pair of their shades. So, that's Nectar Sunglasses dot com slash KFC to take care of a little business off the top. Also, right now, on sale, my first pair of sneakers ever. The Moonman ones are on sale.

You know what? Can you throw me that box? Throw me a pair over there? You know what's kind of bullshit about this? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Jesus. It's like the guy who threw the shoe at George Bush.

It was a weapon. It was a fucking weapon. That was like the fucking Blistex, whatever that was, that could be. That was crazy. That was, but, like, that was aggressive, aggressive. The blistex, I could tell. She tomahawked it. Like, the second one was harder.

Yeah. Like, the first one, like, you got to read on it, and the second one was harder. She tossed it and said, sorry, and then went, boom. Like, sorry, I threw it soft, you little bitch. No, but it was the momentum that, like, I threw it, I threw it. Wait a minute, are you lefty? No. I don't really know why. Yeah, you pretend lefty but throw righty.

Maybe this is the problem. Maybe Jackie doesn't know what dominant hand is. Ben Simmons out here. You know what? Fuck you guys. Get ready for Jacked Up. It's coming. My first pair of sneakers ever. Moonman ones. You can see here, you can rock them one of two ways. So when they first were, we were testing samples in the summer, they hit me with the slip-ons.

And I was like, this is really comfortable and easy. Kind of looks a little different. I like it. But I'm also more of like a classic sneakers guy. So I wanted to, I wanted a pair that you could lace up. And at the time, they had never really created one that does both. As a matter, I feel like maybe Vans did it, but I really don't think many sneakers out there do this. You can wear them either as slip-ons or laced up, your choice.

They'll stay tight enough that you can walk around with them without the laces on. I do it too a lot. You like what? I like the denim look to them. Yeah, and what I like about these. They're a rock star. And I feel like the Sad Boys do the same thing. Making shoes that look better as you beat them up is the key.

Because as you wear these, it's already a little bit frayed to begin with. But as these start to get beat up because you're wearing like a, you know, this is like an everyday shoe. That's what we wanted to make, like an everyday pair that you can rock from, you know, all seasons. Low top, got that like material feel to it. But as they get more frayed and split apart, it actually looks cooler. So I said, let's make a shoe that's exactly kind of like the podcast. It's a classic. It's every day and it's made for everybody, which, you know, guys,

girls can wear it. Well, it's not made for everybody. Because you and I didn't get each other's shoes. I don't have a pair of these. I don't think you have a pair of Tappos. It's crazy. It'sos. I don't. It's crazy. It is. It's crazy.

It really is. And I tried. First of all, I actually did try to buy yours. Didn't do it because they sold out so fast. And then, like, upon requesting, it was like, nah, you got to wait for the restock. It's like, what? Like, do you know how little pull you have to have to not be able to get your own sneakers? That's insane. I just got this sweatshirt today.

I got a sad boy sweatshirt today. People are already getting them over the weekend. Oh yeah, people got, people who bought their stuff got their sad boy shit before I did. I mean, it's just ridiculous. And also, they only, I thought it was, alright your box is under your desk, I thought it was going to be this massive box. Two sweatshirts. One of these, one of these, it's just ridiculous. And also, I thought it was good. They're like, all right, your box is on your desk. I thought it was going to be this massive box. One of these, one of these. It's lying.

That's it. The only reason I was even able to, because I have these pairs. They were like, can you take some pictures? I was like, no. I've been wearing these for like two months straight. These are fucking beat up now. And I only have one pair. So the only way I was even able to get another pair was that these were for the pictures for the website.

For business. Alright, we'll take him off the mannequin, I guess. For the fucking creator. So I wanted to include a little bit of everything. We got the KC Radio Moon Man. You got the Kevin Clancy Show UFO and the Viva brand, which is like everything we've ever done franchise-wise

without being loud and crazy branding. So go get them right now. Hopefully, they're actually sold out by the time you're listening to this. Fuck you. Yeah. Hopefully, you have not been able to get them. I think I told you what some people did follow up with it.

They drop at 10 a.m.? Yeah. So the people who listen in the morning, I said on the episode last time, I think, or at least people tweeted me that I told them to do it. Thank you for it. But set an alarm right now for 10 a.m. Because they're going to sell out. I hope so. Again.

You know me. I'm always like, well, you know, no one's going to buy these things. Well, yeah, Kevin, because we have a disgruntled psychology that makes us scared to ask for our own things. So, yeah, we don't predict success in the future. Check out the Nothing New KFC Radio Moonman Sneaker dropping today at 10 a.m. Go to nothingnew.com or store.barstoolsports.com. We really are so awesome. By the way, get tickets November 12th to the—

And that's the other piece of business, yeah. Tickets on sale at the Gramercy Theater for the New York City Comedy Festival. We are going to have some surprise guests to join us. We've got a fun day. So we put out a challenge to people to bring non-fans of the show. This could backfire on us. I don't think it is. I think it's going to go really well because I've been getting good feedback.

So we challenged 10 people, and I already got four. We already got four people doing it. We have a bunch of DMs on the main account, too. I checked, and there's people just bringing random... What if we have 50-50? That would be incredible. Oh boy, we could bomb. No, I like it better. I like it better because... The more straighters you bring, the worse we do.

Come see us fail and never do a live show ever again. Here's the thing. The only thing I'm confident in because it's the only thing that I've ever gotten like 100% feedback on, is every time there's a new person in the crowd, they all, although I guess no one's going to come up to me like, it was my first time and I fucking hated your show. Sucks.

They'd probably just leave. But everybody I've ever heard. Oh, by the way, I have a really special idea. They already know about it. Or at least Nick does. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I have a really

special idea for that for on stage oh boy yeah and the way you're saying it makes me scared yeah you should be oh god it's gonna be like it's not gonna involve we're gonna have loaded guns on the set hey let's just we'll talk about that really briefly how insane is that you're totally nuts no no let's not even talk about it briefly. Let's talk about it for a couple minutes. I – there's been a few things over the past two years that have exposed people as the dumbest people on the planet Earth. And like the people who think that you become a magnet when you get the vaccine. Like when I saw that, I was like this is staggeringly stupid this is like beyond comprehension that adults could be like look uh like this this spoon is

hanging on my nose i must be a magnet now the people who are saying that alec baldwin is a murderer i mean that that's actually not stupid that's like just admit that you you don't like him because he doesn't like trump like admit that you don't like him because he doesn't like Trump. Like, admit that you're not aligned politically. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what's going on here. Yeah. In, like, in, not retrospect, but if you think about it logically, like, those who should be defending him, right?

Because it's like gun rights. Absolutely. Well, I said, if this happened to Chris Pratt on the scene of one of his new movies, you you think any of them would be like, it's his fault, send him to jail? Abso-fucking-lutely not. This is just like politics, like everything else. And yeah, if anything, it should be like, and I mean, this, there are. I don't know if that makes sense, what I said. I don't know if that logically lines up.

Well, no, you know what? It does, but it doesn't because now the gun safety people come out and everyone's a gun expert. And they're like, I own guns and this is how you're supposed to do it. That's what I said. I was so fucking, it is the best by the way. The internet is just the best. It's actually the worst thing in the world.

But I hear you. I actually have a take. We're going to be all over the place. Don't care. Suck my dick. Takes everywhere. So first of all, I said,

I woke up, I fell asleep before i heard about this happened and i woke up next morning my first tweet was they like guns on sets and real ass guns and then i thought about it because you know that's how you tweet you just react and i was like actually i'm very happy they have real guns on sets because if it wasn't for real guns on sets, then every single day for my entire life, all I'd hear about from gun maniacs is that in my favorite action movies, the guns weren't that realistic. The bolt action wasn't the same. The muzzle fire would have been brighter. The recoil's not real.

Yeah, the kickback really wasn't there. I would have sent his shoulder back seven inches. It only went back three. If you didn't use real guns, I would have to deal with annoying people my whole fucking life because I love action movies. Like, honestly, like, rest in peace,

but thank you for your service because your sacrifice has made my movie viewing that much better. And then because I declared gun people as insufferable, which they just are, which, like,

and so are, I don't know, things I like. Extremists of anything. Yeah, like, I'm trying to think of something I like. Fast and the Furious.

No. Not that. Whatever. The point is, things I like, too. Anyone who's very into something is insufferable. And people would just say to my manager, why don't you just be happy you live in a country with gun rights? I don't fucking care one way or the other, man.

To be totally honest. That's what I don't get. People are like, oh, why don't you suck Baldwin's dick a little more, you liberal? I'm like, what the fuck, man? I don't care about any of these people or any of these things. Like, I am, if you show me a picture of Alec Baldwin, I am just completely indifferent. Like, that's Alec Baldwin. Oh, I love Alec Baldwin.

I mean, I like him, you know, he's had his good roles. Jack Donaghy, one of the greatest characters of all time. Right. Jack Donaghy's primo. When I, when I, and if I show you Baldwin, you think of him? Oh, he's just the same person. Yeah. You think of Donaghy. Jack Donaghy, one of the greatest characters of all time. Jack Donaghy's primo. When I show you Baldwin, you think of him? Oh, he's just the same person. You think of Donaghy. I never really watched 30 Rock, so the first thing that always pops into my mind is The Departed.

When he talks about you getting married by the time you're 40 so no one thinks you're gay and shit. You know what else I think of? I also think of him blacked out calling his daughter a little pig. Whitney Cummings loved that. Yeah, we got an interview with Whitney Cummings coming up next episode. Thursday. It is one of our more like shocking interviews.

She's like, we should start calling people pigs more. That was post-Baldwin, so maybe it was on the brain. But you know what else I think of when I think of Baldwin? That US Open grab. I remember that. Yeah, it was tennis I think. You know what's also crazy? When I think of Baldwin? That U.S. Open grab. I remember that. For U.S. Tennis? Yeah, it was tennis, I think. I remember that tennis.

You know what's also crazy? When I think of him now, I think of that gif of him pouring liquor that's an endless loop. Jack Donaghy. Like, people probably know him, you know, it's like the people who only know Michael Jordan

as the crying meme. That is, uh, I also think of him as having a fucking, uh, a wife who has scammed her way to the top as Hilaria Baldwin. Hilaria Balduin. Hilaria, yeah, from Massachusetts. Amazing. But here's what you can say.

The videos? Dude, it was, he makes the smooth, like a ball bounces into the stands. Yeah, it was on vines and nobody's got it anymore. Honestly, this might be my fucking vine. Really? You love it that much. It was the, but he like, he makes a very smooth. Oh, here it is. This is very unprofessionally taken on a brick back wall, which I used to live on.

That's your vine. This might be my vine. Pressure is locked. There you go. All the balance will go. Boink. What? Yeah, Jolly.

That was like, I think I took that. I don't know if that was actually mine. I think I took that I don't know if that was actually mine I think I took that It was like Jack Donaghy He just caught the ball That's exactly what Jack Donaghy Would do He

If you want to say Alec Baldwin Is like obviously The star of that movie He's a producer He He probably should have had A more involved role

When the fucking wheels Were coming off his production Prior to that Yeah I don't know much about it. I don't even know how. So the gun had misfired. That very gun had misfired three times already on the set.

Twice the previous Saturday, and then they used it again, and it misfired like on a Thursday, and then that morning I didn't even realize guns just break. Well, you know what the problem is too, is that it's a western, so it's like an old revolver. Like I was talking to Kevin Connolly, and he said when you're using like Glocks and 9mm and all that shit, there's just tons of them, and they're modern, and they're new, and all that shit.

And Westerns and period pieces are hard to, this is a problem. That morning, they all staged a walkout. They quit. They said it's unsafe. They had already texted the head people being like, guns are firing off. This is unsafe. 6.30 in the morning, they showed up to the set, but then left to make a point. They kind of had some sort of argument, discussion.

I'm doing walkouts. I'm doing it on a day we've got to be there at noon. I'm doing it the night before. I will not be coming in. This is my walkout for tomorrow. It's happening now. Not setting alarms for a walkout, I'll tell you that. were they were supposed to continue working but then i think somebody threw kind of like a hissy fit and was like no you're fucking out they had security kick them off and then they

brought in like replacement players scabs or scabs they're non-union and the girl they brought in is 24 she just did her first movie ever as the um armor master they called it or something like that the lead armor prop master lead armorer and she did a podcast after that movie saying you know going into that i was really nervous about my abilities and i don't think i didn't think i was ready for it now in her defense that first movie did go smoothly but she's still a rookie she's brought in at the last minute she's not you know up to speed on what's going on there had been three other misfires they had already said were unsafe they staged a walkout and then they just kept going like if like how do you not just go all right you know what let's like let's press pause for the weekend yeah well we'll see you on see on monday or whatever yeah whatever it was like let's take a week off or

whatever so if you want to say that baldwin as like a producer and the head of the whole production should have been like i'm stepping stepping up here. We got problems. We need to be safe. Sure. But the actual fucking gun issue, the scene at hand, I cannot imagine blaming him and like not understanding that you're like, you're,

you know, you're, you're doing this because you have an ax to grind because it's just not logical. And, and I guess maybe, I want to go with it. Like, like people who don't like it,

people who want to blame him should go with it like Brady when it was like, Brady, the second he touches a football, he knows exactly what that PSI is. Yeah. It's like the moment Baldwin picks up a gun, he knows if it's loaded or not. He can tell those different weights. He's Liam Neeson in Take It. I can tell the weight of a loaded gun versus an unloaded one.

I would imagine if this was me here's how i would do it i'm sure you do your own like gun training and on some level it probably is you are um you know responsible as the person who pulls the trigger to some extent i get that but like if if the lead person prop guy was like here it is like it's set i wouldn't go checking the chamber and fucking looking at the revolver piece. I wouldn't know how to do anything. Although it might. I don't know, but I wouldn't know how. I love the people selling that. Like, you know, were you telling me you wouldn't fucking unload the clip

and take a look at the ones in the chamber? I don't even know how to say the fucking words, let alone how to do it. I would just, because I also would imagine if you do all that, you might undo some of the work that this guy did to make it fucking safe. I would just pull the... I say that Wahlberg, despite his all that you might like undo some of the work that this guy did to make it fucking safe so yeah i would just pull the but i i make fun of i i say that walberg despite his decades of training with

the seal teams wouldn't know how to fight right so i don't think book it i don't think i'll crack shot and give me like yeah do like those what was it in uh i forget what military movies is when they blindfold you and then you like reload and clean a gun. Jarhead. Jarhead, yeah. I mean, it's just crazy. And the people go, like, everyone knows rule number one of guns, you don't point them at another human. On the set of a movie where you're supposed to be shooting a person, it's different.

It's fucking different on the set of a movie, you dumb goddamn assholes. No, I think it was uh he was taking it out and you know it was like a total mischarge yeah if it comes out that this whole thing was like ball and point i was like fuck you i'm gonna get you i might change my tone a bit did you see the scene uh the the tweet that was um this was like baldwin on the set of rust and it was jonah hill in this is the, where he's like, I'm gonna get you! Dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang! Yeah, if that all happens, then of course, then fucking

throw him in jail. But like, it's like, I have to kill you before you tell people about our affair! I'm like, alright, he might have meant to do that shit. I do, again, assuming that it was just, it's not that, just an accident. Obviously, the death is the tragedy here,

and her family and everything, but can you imagine how much that fucks you up if you're on the set of a movie and you just shoot someone in the stomach and they bleed out to death? Oh, it was the stomach? I don't know where I thought, I don't know where it would have been better. It was the chest. Oh, I heard that she was complaining about her stomach as she fell to the ground or whatever, but

you know, that's like... I would never be in another action scene. I probably wouldn't be able to watch an action scene. I mean, that would fuck me up for life. Don't matter where you put blame or whatever. It was fucked up, all the headlines. Like, Alan Baldwin shoots someone. It's like, all right, there's a...

You can't just put out, Alan Baldwin shoots and kills in the dark. We need a little bit of context here. I remember waking up. You want to describe confused. You wake up Friday morning to a bunch of headlines that Alibaba was shot and killed a cinematographer. I was like, what? There was a disagreement on set.

Yeah, man. It's like you click and it's like, oh, he accidentally misfired a weapon handed to him by the professionals. Like, okay. It's a little bit different. That's a little clickbaity. For real. It's not a phrase used anymore, clickbait. You just, you just tell me that Alec Baldwin shot and killed someone on set.

I'm like. Fucking A, man. Somehow it's both. It's like, it's too, it's too like grabby and also too casual. Right. It's like, oh, by the way. We made Alec Baldwin shot and killed someone on set. It's not funny casual right it's like oh by the way we made out both shot killed someone it's not funny but it's funny like it's it's just like i i do think it's a big enough name

and a big enough story i i guarantee there's like no real guns like ever again on the set like brandon lee's but i love i didn't i didn't realize this until this like i was brandon lee was like the next it guy yeah he's kid yeah and I guess but I think just like the 90s early like you know you read that on the newspaper and that was it yeah this is just so everywhere now um that and now that that doesn't really lead me into what my other tape was gonna be but the the uh the the thought of just being like I mean what like in that like put yourself in those shoes where it's just like what do you do in the moments right after that you know like I mean like in that like put yourself in those shoes where it's just like what do you do in the moments right after that

you know what I mean like what the fuck someone's getting sued someone's going to jail no doubt I mean maybe it is Baldwin I don't know

that's what I said I'm not a gun expert not a movie producer director and I'm not a legal expert maybe he is maybe he's the fucking if you go to jail for that

I'd be pretty pissed oh listen there's a 0% chance he's going to jail because, like, you know, Caitlyn Jenner just fucking runs over people and kills them. Nobody goes, you know, you just don't go to jail in Hollywood. Tony Stewart.

Yeah, you kill people, it's okay. Tony Stewart. How did he kill a guy? A lot of famous people kill people. Tony Stewart really skated, right? Wasn't it like a... It was like someone... I think someone was trying to grab his car.

Not today, but we're going to do top five people that got away with death. Like the OJs at the top of the list, but the OJs and Casey Anthony will be our each number one pick, and then we'll go from there. But boy, I mean, there's a lot of, Dante Stallworth and like, you know. I love Dante Stallworth, but. Really? You sympathize with murderers? Interesting take.

Dante Stallworth. How... Really? You sympathize with murderers? Interesting take. Dante Stallworth... How crazy is that, though? I just brought up Dante Smith killing a guy, and then Dante Stallworth was killing a guy, and then your first reaction was, I love Dante. Bro, Dante Stallworth... That's crazy! Dante Stallworth, when he was on the Patriots, had an alien who lived inside him.

And he had a name. And I forget his name. It escapes me. I want to say it begins with an M. Can you just give me the Google, Dante Stallworth's alien inside of him? I know I had already

done this, by the way. Pats, how are you feeling about this weekend? About the Jets? Yeah. I don't want to talk about it, and I'm requesting no Jet Talk on Jacked Up.

I mean, I said it already this weekend, but I'm, you know, I'm done. I'm done for the year. Catch me in 2022. Like, I'm finished. Nico, by the way. Yeah, I'm not

doing it. The Jets? You guys played well. I mean, it's... But how is your no call on the Zach Wilson? That was crazy. That's unbelievable. You can't touch a guy and now all of a sudden his legs are getting folded up like fucking Joe Theismann. I am done for the year. Potentially forever for the year, potentially forever.

It's never going to stop. Mike White came in. That was the highlight of the game. Mike White! Who the fuck is Mike White? You've got to go by Michael. Who is Mike White? What?

The announcers are like, Mike White is coming into the game right now. And I'm sitting at home going, who the fuck is Mike White? Who is that? It's his fourth year. I was like, what? If you gave me. Who is that? That's exactly how I would expect somebody named Mike White to look. How can Zach Wilson look like the more mature adult man than Mike White?

Mike White looks like he's in eighth grade. Mike White is a producer at Barstool Sports. Mike White? Mike White does stool streams. That dude sits right over there. Yes, yes. That was when I saw Mike White. I mean, and I've been through it all, man.

I watched Greg McElroy play against the fucking Cardinals back in whatever, 2010 when they couldn't cross midfield for the whole fucking game. The first quarter stats, John, going into that game, they had 11 yards in the first quarter of the season. What? They had 11 passing yards in the first quarters of all the games so far. Five? Five years?

Yes, because they had to buy. 11 passing yards, 79 total yards, zero points. Not zero touchdowns, zero points. 11 yards passing. It's unfathomable. I'm both yawning and gasping. They have lost six years in a row off the bye. They've only won six off the bye.

That's unbelievable. They lost 12 to New England, I think. Something crazy like that, which I thought we snuck in a win there. They lost 12 in a row? I saw a tweet today that said 12 straight losses to New England, maybe at New England or something like that. Because I was like, we definitely have won one or two here or there recently, right? I went to a game six years ago or five years,

whenever we moved to New York, we went to, like, the first Jets game there. And you guys won, like, 1917 or something. Right, so, like, that must have been at New England, whatever it was. But off a bye is, like, you know, Jets fans have been watching that happen every fucking year of their lives.

But throughout, regime changes, you know? Like, Robert Sala is being touted as, like, this is a solid fucking coach. It's like, and, you know, you come to the Jets, you lose. I'm done. I can't in good conscience root for Mike White. I can't do that. So I'm fucking done.

I also do have to tip my cap to you. Nobody. Well, not nobody, but because you are not alone in this. But like the Tom Brady take is just the rightest take in the history of sports. And it has been since the day you said it, and it holds up now. Even Eric Nathan, who never gives credit, was like, he's like, I gotta be honest,

no one's ever been as bright about it, I don't think, as you are. And it's the easiest thing in the world to be right about. I know. Just always say he's great. Well, I know. That's all I do. I don't make any bold predictions.

I go, hey, the guy playing great is great. No, no, no, no. You made, the Andrew Luck prediction was a bold one. Because at that time, it wasn't good. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't bad, great. No, no, no, no. The Andrew Luck prediction was a bold one because at that time it wasn't good. It wasn't bad, but it was not good for the Patriots. The latest one is even funnier because that one was easy, but also because Mahomes was so good at the time, people thought it was like a hot take, but you were like,

the greatest ever is still playing, so he's still the greatest in the league. You know, and it's like, I mean, it just... Until Tom Brady moves out, this is his house. Unless he starts to, like, suck. You know, if he was still playing, if it was like Peyton Manning at the end, it's like, you know, he's not the best. Now he's throwing four touchdowns in the first half. Now he's on, I believe he's on pace to break Peyton Manning's record. And I think that's what they're going for.

I can't believe he doesn't even have it. Those stats. They're doing a lot of, like, at the one, they're doing a lot of play actions. I think that him and Arians are like, yo, we're getting the individual season record. I can't believe, like, hats off to Peyton that he even has that record. Yeah. Like, it is kind of crazy that Brady doesn't have it yet. He beat Brady.

They went back and forth. Oh, got it, got it, got it. He had it, and then Brady broke it with Moss. I think he threw 52 that year, and Moss caught 21. What's the total? He's got a total. Yeah, he just broke that. That was this year.

600. He broke that last year. The yards were against the Patriots. The touchdowns was against whoever. But that was where they traded the guy. They just fleeced the fuck out of the guy. Did you hear about this? When they just took the ball back.

No, they gave him $1,000 to the team store. Let's talk about that real quick. Tom Brady throws his 600th touchdown, gets tossed into the crowd. Dude who has the ball is a Bucs fan. They come up to him asking for the 600th. First of all, I can't even imagine that Tom Brady gives a fuck about that. He's probably like, okay. I don't think he's going to get the ball as a Bucs fan. They come up to him asking for the 600th. First of all, I can't even imagine that Tom Brady gives a fuck about that. I don't think he's going to get the ball. Yeah, yeah.

The team manager whoever goes over and says... He did have the ball. He has it. He said, let me get the ball back, and the guy goes, okay, here you go. Per Darren Revell, which I don't know if this is true, an auctioneer guy said that would be worth 500k. He said that's minimum. That's where the worth 500K. He said that's minimum.

That's like where the bidding would begin? He said that's because that's what 400 home run balls go for. And he said there are 25 people who have done that. And there's only what? Zero. That's it? He's the only one with six? Yeah.

All right. So maybe that makes a little more sense. This is the ball, I believe, that's passed the record. Breeze might have been like 601. Right, right, right. I mean, that is one of the dumbest now I would make the argument the guy also said

I saw the tweet and it was like he also said like everything Tom Brady, he's Midas so everything is Tom Brady so it's also going to be way bigger if I was Tom Brady I would hook this dude up because it's like it would like part of

it would be part of the Brady lore as well but like you should like hold that ball hostage because you know it's like having a lottery ticket but it's also cool

that he was just like here you go and I think that should almost be rewarded he didn't know what the ball was he thought it was a touchdown ball oh he I read an article today

where he was like I didn't realize it was the 600th. Because they didn't put it up there or some shit. That's interesting. But either way, like, so then if I was Tom Brady, I'd be like, this dude, like, and it's not like money out of his pocket. It would have been like an auction. It's like, you know, memorabilia, whatever, you know. I would be like, here's 500K. I wouldn't give him that much, but I'd give him some money. I think I would give him like five million five million no but i would i would

here's a bunch of crypto i would make yeah honestly i would do i would parlay some ftx shit so it's like it's still about you but i'd be like this is gonna be worth you know like 10 million dollars one day yeah like and that way you don't have to give him too much up front but like and also it's ftx give it to him if he he said, here's one Bitcoin for that, like, that would be, you know. Oh, that would be a good vibe. If FTX is listening, fucking you're welcome. Yeah, for real. That one's for free.

But, yeah, I mean, that guy must have been like, oh, whoops. Fuck. Dude, imagine, like, when they put it up on the Jumbo John right after he had the ball back. So, congratulations on the time break for breaking NFL history. A piece of history that might never be broken ever again here you go

he played for 20 some odd years it's gonna be hard to break even with Mahomes right like everything everything Brady sets it's not gonna be unbreakable

because we see how like it's becoming such a path not becoming everything is breakable eventually because it's extending but like the longer

he keeps playing into this era right he might just keep going. This guy's like, oh fuck he gave it away, he gave it away I gave away the football. Wait, was that this game? Yeah, that was the ball.

He didn't realize he just threw it off into the crowd as well. Oh, I thought it was from last week. I didn't have the No, that was it. The guy said a day with giselle and i'm good that's what he said yeah ftx uh you can fuck yourself yeah and i didn't make that comment maybe he gets a big right and now it's off the list ftx you should step up and give away a bitcoin right now in honor of tom brady uh maybe to me because i came up with the idea maybe me and

john get to split one and and forget about the guy who caught the football. Because that's the type of brains that, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if FTX would try to step up and do it. FTX is one of the best. It's the best free app to download right now to buy and sell crypto coins. And they're always, you know, they are thinking, look at the people they endorse and get down with. They know what's up. They know where the future is. They know what to do.

And I wouldn't be surprised if they would even get in on something like this for Brady. FTX used to be Blockfolio. So you know the name. We've been pushing that for a while. Now they're FTX. And right now they're running a college giveaway challenge where the school that gets the most signups to FTX is in the running for a $100,000 prize split amongst all the people who sign up. So you want to have all your friends at your college sign up using a.edu

email and the college that has the largest number of signups on FTX gets that $100,000 giveaway. So if you're on campus, spread the word with your friends, the Barstool Viceroy accounts. Get in on crypto trading, not only because that's what's going to make you rich, but you can also get this $100,000 prize when you sign up using your college email. So download FTX. Start trading. There's over 10,000 coins for you to build your portfolio and start trading today.

Make that money. And if you're in college, you can get in on that $100,000 prize. So download FTX for free. Use your EDU email address and start increasing your school's chances to win. I was just thinking about that a little more. It is so funny how cyclical the world is where

the hot take now is not having a hot take. It's just like the great guy, he's good still. Everyone's like, whoa! Whoa, buddy! Whoa! No, he's good. He's fucking. He's playing well.

You know what it is, too? Everybody else sucks. Everybody sucks. Everyone. Everybody sucks. You know, everybody else sucks. I don't even know what you're referring to. Just like everybody.

It's just like, you know. Do you mean quarterbacks? Yeah, like every quarterback sucks. Every team sucks. I don't even know what you're referring to. Just like everybody. Do you mean quarterbacks? Yeah, like every quarterback sucks. The games this weekend, the matchups were all just like, ugh, this league sucks. This product is garbage, man. I can't believe this is still the thing. People like

football, fuck off. I got Mike White playing games. You know? The Lions are so bad, they're just playing fucking backyard football. They're doing onside kicks with the first kickoff of the game. Three fake puns. Just ridiculous. Got Mike White in the games.

Patrick Mahomes isn't even good anymore. What? And it's just fucking Brady. Enough football talk from us, though. We don't even watch the fucking sport, basically. It's time for week eight? Seven. Seven.

You get it wrong every time. Object! Object! What do we got? Three minutes on the clock for Jacqueline Nichols, the greatest football analyst, the absolute single greatest

Tuesday afternoon weekly wrap-up NFL analyst to ever work the game. Three, two, one. Jacked up! Okay. Pavs has requested that I don't fuck up the Jets. No, fuck that. You gotta do the Jets. Let's go.

But fuck that. Sometimes I want to become an honorary member of the Jets. Okay. And then weeks like this make me not want to at all. You guys suck. No offense. That was all in the same breath. You guys suck.

No offense. It's all in an exhale. I'll say one positive. I think that Robert Sala. Handsome man. Handsome man. Yeah. Robert Sala has no offense. It's all in an exhale. I'll say one positive. I think that Robert Sala... Handsome man? Handsome man. Yeah? Robert Sala has seven kids.

I'm not normally into the bald thing. What? He has seven kids? Don't care. I'll be the mother of seven kids. Okay. This has gone off the rails from football talk to, like... I'm going to talk about what men look like pretty quick.

Well, I just feel like imagine Jackie just fucked Robert Sala that'd be wild I hope you're watching on YouTube I just feel like that's the only positive thing that I can say Zach Wilson injured Mac Jones killing it

he's the best rookie in the league right now what are the rankings really well, well, not well pretty well pretty good oh okay Jets O-line

not good CJ Mosley I don't know who that is but they need him they need him to come back okay that's that's the Jets. That's the Jets, but sorry. What do you guys want next?

I know, but I don't... Did you do the Chiefs? Did you do Patrick Mahomes? Yeah, okay, I did the Chiefs. What's going on? I don't know. What is going on? It's crazy. It is crazy. Their defense is falling apart. And then the Titans crush them. 13 turnovers. 13 turnovers.

What? I think. Honestly, I didn't even blink. No, no, no. Sorry. Overall, they just had 13 turnovers. Ever in this season. Season.

Okay. Sure. I got it. Too many. I mean, Patrick Mahomes is tied with Zach Wilson for most interceptions. Yeah. okay sure I got snake too many I mean Patrick Mahomes is tied with Zach Wilson for most interceptions yeah

I thought he was supposed to be good right no and he's not right it's kind of like embarrassing

oh my god you thought you were good and you're not really awkward it's also embarrassing for the Bears yes that was tough

for them rough scene the theme of this week is like no close scores. I don't know how to phrase that. Like everything's

a blowout? Yeah. Except for Dolphins-Falcons. That was probably the best one. I don't even have a guess how that one went. Please tell me. I don't have a guess how that one went. Please tell me. I don't know the score and I don't know much, but

it was... I came at this pretty cockily. I actually don't know anything about that game, but I do know that it was... Close. It was close. Can you do me a favor and pronounce the name of the Dolphins quarterback?

Tua? Can we give her a visual? Can you pull up the spelling? Tua? I know it's Tua. I got that. Yes, look at his last name here. Tagovailoa. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

Tagovailoa. It's Tagovaila, I believe. I was going to say, I don't really know. It's close enough for me. Good job. Jacked up. Next up. Wait, we got one more. Let's do one more. One more game. Your choice. Dealer's choice. Bengals? Ravens? Yeah, let's do that because our boss

bet 300 grand on exactly that. Dave Portnoy, everyone knows, is the common man. Salt to the earth, man of the people, can relate to the little guy, will always remember his roots and where he came from. That 300 grand on Joe Burrow and the Bengals to beat the Ravens,

I've never rooted harder for a team than the Ravens. I was honest. I was ready for the, I could never, I could never, that's too much. I genuinely like I would root against Dave for other bets that I would not want to,

I would never, you're a real fucking asshole. If you, and, and maybe like privately, but if you were like at the fucking, if I was, imagine if I was like at the gambling house being like,

oh, well, but that's because he just wants me in content now yeah, absolutely apparently Dave Tweedy that happened when I got here Stephen Chay told me he bet Ravens ultimate line Ravens minus 19

oh I did see that, he was tweeting about that too like an asshole so yeah, tell me about that game Jackie from what I understand the Bengals didn't used to be that good and I think I remember from last year like really were not that good this year. They're like good. And everybody's kind of like, what?

And then Joe Burrow is doing a good job of being a quarterback. He's also very handsome. Would you agree? Uh, I don't know what he looks like. Let me look him up. Jamar chase is also, I don't know what he's doing,

but he's doing well. That was a stupid of all. Cause like when all storylines, all storylines are always stupid, all of them. But, like, the dumbest one this offseason was Jamar Chase can't catch football because he made that one comment, like, ah, it's harder to catch this. But it probably is. Like, oh, it's. And the NFL had those tweets with the ball.

Did you see that? It was a smaller ball or whatever. Everyone was like, what is this guy doing? He stinks. Cut him now. Nah, he's pretty good. No, Jamar... No, not Jamar.

Joe Burr. I like him. Yeah, he's really... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like a hockey player. I like him. No, I would totally agree. I would agree he's one of the best looking people of all time.

I don't think he's like one of the... I think he's not there yet, but I think he will be. I think he needs another year or two to mature. Looks-wise. Yeah. I'm talking about his fucking throwing ability. I'm talking about his fuck ability, baby. When he's like 36, he'll be like, really fucking...

That is today, that is this week's edition of Jacked Up! If you want, I think we're going to have some Jacked Up merch soon. Is it already out there? There's stickers. Stickers. We're going to do, I'm slapping jacked up on a t-shirt.

I'm doing it, Jackie. Yes. And we're going to be rocking. Toss them over here. Jacked up stickers. I'm going to rock one for my girl right now. We're going to get some t-shirts up there. We're going to get I want like a pink jacked up

jumpsuit. You know what we should do too? We should sell tattoos like this. Those like fake tattoos. You know what I mean? I can't even. Can't get them off. We need to work on that. You didn't even try. Well usually there's like a

little line in it for stickers. You can figure it out. Yeah. You'll be, you'll be able to figure it out. Uh, but if you're watching on YouTube, check it out.

Uh, jacked up merch in stores. It's your best weekly recap in, in the NFL. Oh, while we're, if we're talking about YouTube, we've got to do visuals real quick.

This chick, I had some Instagram influencer doing a photo shoot in front of her dead dad's body, who's a veteran. It is one of the most insane things, dude. She is serving looks in front of a coffin all wrapped up in the American flag. And at first I thought maybe she was just doing it kind of for attention. I mean, obviously doing it for attention. But look, this is her story before the post. Like, they're rolling it in.

Oh, nice pouty face. Fuck yes, I love this chick. Look at that fucking dress. By Papa. By Papa. And you can hear the funeral home director be like, you, you, and you. Oh, so then I'll show you the photo shoot so uh so this is a girl on ig her name is jane rivera uh j-a-y-n-e underscore that should hopefully pop it up and this girl is she does a full-blown photo shoot, like a carousel of like five or six pictures

of her just fucking flexing, popping that ass. Don't tell me she's like gone now. Come on. It says R.I.P. Poppy with the open casket. Keep going. It's six pictures. The fucking heel up. Wait, why is this in a

fucking kindergarten classroom? I don't know that either. It's so weird. That makes me kind of skeptical on the whole thing, like why maybe he was a teacher or something. But look at that, the look away, the prayer picture. This is no way this is real. This is at a VFW, the same place that fucking married couple got married.

No comments or anything about it. But there were, there were, so she must have cleaned that all up because a lot of people were like, How many followers do you have? Like 80,000. Fucking weak numbies. I'm surprised she didn't drop a promo code up in there. I mean, this is one of the most.

Look, man. I fucking. I respect all of this. I fully endorse all of this wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. When someone dies, profit off them immediately. One more over to the right.

Because guess what? Every time you fucking do something, people are going to be like, oh, that was my thing. Ain't nobody. Guess what? No one's going to bitch when they're dead. Jane Rivera. The second you die, I was also going to say, Jane Rivera with the most original photo shoot on Instagram in a long time.

Everybody takes pictures in front of the wings. Everybody takes pictures biting into their favorite donut on cheat day. Everyone films the video where they have that dessert that's like a little dome and you hit it with a hammer and it unfolds. Everybody's done all that. Ain't nobody serving looks in front of their dead dad's open casket in the kindergarten classroom. I promise you that. Also, I've taken pictures in front of graves before. Bro, I was raised in a family where we had a fucking Christmas carol sing-along at a fucking grave.

Somebody, before comments were disabled, the top comment said, Funeral photo shoot? Like, sheesh, this ain't it. And I was like, you want to talk about a funeral photo shoot? Sheesh, this ain't it. I was like, you want to talk about a funeral photo shoot? I got the guy just for you. I have all kinds of funerals. I have so many pictures in graveyards. I have more pictures in graveyards than I do

probably anywhere else. That almost mischaracterizes it because when you said that, I think of you're like a teenager fucking around in the This is a family photo shoot at pop pop's funeral because Hey, we don't get the family together dressed up nicely all the time. No, that that's a different one. That was that bro. I can tell you like it's happened like five times. That's a different one. That was my grandmother's funeral. That was, I was a child for that one.

This other one, I'm like, this is recent. This is this past Christmas. This is Christmas. We did it. We fucking bro. When my did it, we fucking, bro, when my friend died, we had a photo that had his grave. We also fucking put beers in the,

uh, in his, uh, like, the dirt was still loose. So we put a bunch of fucking beers, Bud Heavies,

in there, and we were like, in a couple years we'll come back here and we'll drink them. Then a couple years passed, like,

dude, I'm not gonna go rob a grape to drink a warm budweiser i think guys i think we're a little in our feelings now all right so we got a lot coming up first of all chris de stefano's on the show today uh i i it's a little bit like recency bias every time I see Chris and we do an episode and I'm re-reminded of it. But it's always like a – it's Soder and DiStefano back and forth every time I see them. Like that's the funniest person on the planet. Chris delivered a performance. It's Chrissy D-Week here at KFC Radio – here at Barstool.

He's on KFC Radio. He's on The Kevin Clancy Show. He's Chrissy D Week here at KFC Radio. Here at Barstool. He's on KFC Radio. He's on the Kevin Clancy Show. He's on ATI. I went to see him. You went to see him live. He is impossibly funny at all times. Just to give it a little... I know people think, oh, it's not a hard job or whatever. He came into the city and he did Jim and Sam. Then he came to

us for three hours. Then he went and did RU Garbage and all of it. He knocks them all out of the park. It's very fucking hard to do, to be that funny and that charismatic for that long on a day. He is the GOAT. So we got DiStefano. And then after that, a double feature, we got Jon Bernthal, who is like the most badass dude in the world. And a guy that is like – I need about like eight more hours with him to dive into, to all his shit.

Like from, you know, a, a checkered past and like a dark path onto a unbelievable under the radar, uh, acting career. When you run down his, his fucking resume.

I don't think he's under the radar anymore. I think it was for a bit. It's fucking incredible, dude. He just did like everything. Yup. He was like a real life punisher. And then,

uh, and then, you know, has this whole new outlook on life. Just a very inspirational interesting cat. We'll get into top fives in a moment, but first, adolescent to adolescent

I had. The last two weeks for me it's like, I'm thinking about just killing myself. Jar! It's just, I mean, between Shay breaking her arm and my mom had double knee surgery and everything has gone wrong so I've been in the hospital and in

rehab with her while my kids got a busted wing and I'm trying to juggle all of my fucking depression it's just like what are we doing here let's just call it a day on this whole thing you know what I mean meanwhile Feidelberg's out here gallivanting up to the magical place that we call Foxwoods

meet me at Foxwoods. Foxwoods. And so, you know, he's probably going to go and get rich and drop all his money getting some new jewelry at Gage Diamonds. Gage Diamonds is the premier retailer of jewelry that you can get online. And I'm not just talking about, like, a pendant or a bracelet or a necklace. We're talking engagement rings. We're talking fine jewelry and watches. You can get Movado. You can get online. And I'm not just talking about like a pendant or a bracelet or a necklace. We're talking engagement rings. We're talking fine jewelry and watches. You can get Movado.

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They're not uncut gem type nasty stuff. This is a nice piece of fine jewelry and diamonds that you don't have to worry about. And you can get it all while you finance it and pay it off in an affordable manner. And the craziest part here is the discount. It's just nuts.

That should be the whole ad every time. If you're considering getting engaged, you can get an engagement ring for 20%. It is worth taking the flyer if you're not even positive. Right. If you're not even dating someone, if you think that I'm going to get married one day, buy the ring now and just fucking sit on it

and know that you saved thousands and thousands of dollars with a 20% discount. You could finance this shit and get 20% off. You're basically getting an engagement ring for free. It's nuts. So apply for financing today and get your jewelry at GageDiamonds.com slash KFC. That's G-A-G-E Diamonds.com slash KFC. Feidelberg goes to Foxwoods.

Johnny Foxwoods. That's a cool name, actually. It's a good, like, porn star name. Johnny Fox? Well, Johnny Fox is probably already a name, right? Yeah. Johnny Fox. Jimmy Fox. Johnny Foxwoods. That's a cool name, actually. It's a good porn star name. Johnny Fox? Well, Johnny Fox is probably already a name, right? Yeah. Johnny Fox. Jimmy Fox.

Johnny Fox Woods. Different story. So it's not like, well, it's all just crazy. Have you considered maybe you time traveled this weekend? Why? Just because it was a weird weekend and you found that New York Post from 2013. Maybe you went through a portal and time traveled. That's why it was weird.

I sat down. That was me. I caught it here somehow. Ghost? Yeah, you underreacted to that. You know why? Because I was actually scared. I was like, what just happened? I went to see DeStefano at foxwoods and i found a newspaper that was from 2013 it was just sitting under my chair which is fucking nuts but that is i'm trying to

think what order of ways so i'll so like get on the train at fucking um at penn station first thing that happens is they're like someone got got hit, so we gotta chill. And it was my train. It wasn't someone got hit. Someone fell between the tracks and the... Watch your step, watch the gap! But what doesn't make sense, because later, as the stops progressed,

they were like, they kept hammering over, the conductor was like, he's like, don't get off until I open the doors. I was like, what? Did that dude pry it open like Spider-Man? I was like, how could anybody have done that? How do you instruct people to knock it off? The doors are closed.

How did I get off here? But so this guy's, and I'm in a chair. I still have a picture, I think. I'm in a seat that is right by the stairs to come down. So I saw all the emergency services coming down. Firefighters came down. I took a picture of this guy. I was like, good, they're just going to stab him,

and we'll be done with this. Because someone just came down with a spear. I was like, good. Just fucking cut him in half. We'll get on our way. But before the firefighters came down, the police came down, and they had announced that we have a medical situation.

And they brought down, first came down, the police got the dog. And I was like, alright. Everyone's got a dog these days. Everyone's got autism, he's got a service dog. Dude, I saw a Great Dane service dog. That can't be a normal thing. Oh, service dogs are fake. And I just know that because I have multiple friends with service dogs

that are fake. You just throw like a vest on them, right? A Great Dane is like having a fucking giraffe. It's like I have a service giraffe. I carry my dad with me everywhere. It's just this big, slow-moving object. He drools a little bit, too. But I was like, all right, whatever. And then they brought down two more dogs.

I was like, this is too many dogs to help with medical care. Three dogs is too many dogs. Too many dogs to help. I mean, how are dogs helping this at all? I guess you have once, like, a therapy dog. I was going to say, let me, like, lick. Sorry. That scared me.

I always move my legs. It's just that's hanging in a different place now. And the... Sound like you're talking about my dick. But so we're held up for, like, a half hour, 45 minutes there. And then once we get going, the guy, he makes an announcement to the conductor again. Makes an announcement. He goes, just so you know, everybody, that guy, which is just an unbelievable way to refer to the victim.

That dude. Just so everyone knows, that guy's all right. Apparently what the situation was, was that he had a scar on his head before he fell. Don't listen to him. Don't listen to anything he says. And it might have been the blue collar New York accent, but it was told in like a, and if anyone asks,

that's the fucking story. Let's all stick to it. All 600 of yous, if anybody asks you a question, those injuries were there prior to the incident, right? Am I right? Because I will drive this fucking train right off the tracks before the

guy fell into a train and his skull was cracked. So he fell off the platform or something? I didn't see it. Because I know a girl who fell in the gap. That's what it sounded like. I used to make fun of this deadly gap that everyone talks about. And I was like, who can't step over

the gap? And then a very close friend of mine who's completely capable fell in the gap. And it, like, fucked her shit up. I mean, it, like, ripped her leg apart. And I was like, okay, I guess the gap is pretty dangerous. But you know what? You jump in front of a train, fall in front of a train. Not jump, because then you're definitely an asshole. But if you fall in front of a train, you fall in the gap,

you do anything to create train traffic and stop the commute, it should be punishable by death. It should be like, well, now we're going to finish the job. Firefighter's going to cut you in half. Yeah. You're dead. Then so we get going and you know when you're driving with someone who drives a stick and you're kind of like always like so we're doing that for like I don't know

three hours, two hours. Just randomly stop it and like go in. And then like eventually the conductor comes. Honestly, we're two hours in. We're past New Haven. And the conductor comes on. He's like, all right, guess we got to address this. You guys might have noticed by now.

Bro, everyone on this train has thrown up. We've all noticed. You might have noticed by now that there is a bit of a stop and go process. Why was it? What was it? He says there's a fail safe on the engine that is not working properly. So we're just going to turn it off because apparently it's more unsafe to drive like this. And laughed before just going radio silent.

Talk to you guys later or maybe not. Who knows? Apparently it's more unsafe to drive like this that's it that was the last thing he said before i got off the train i was just like all right this is gonna go one way or the other who knows what's gonna happen here jesus christ then we get i get to new london because of the 45 minute delay and then the slow this and that i'm much later than expected so my my friends who were going to pick me up were like, dude, we've already been drinking all this shit. So I was like, whatever, I'll get a lift. So I get off the train, and I go, I'm a cab station,

I'm a cab stand guy. Everyone knows this. If I go to an airport or whatever, I go to, I wait in line. Like a sucker. But there was, it's always faster. It's always like, you gotta walk, airports, you gotta walk 100 miles, go up fucking, it's like, all right, we're on the seventh floor of the parking lot.

If I'm in Newark. There's a cluster of people standing in a corner. If I'm in Newark, I'll have you pick me up in like an oil field in New Jersey. I'm like, you know, find me by the smokestacks over at Elizabeth. I don't deal with the, like, I'm over here, where are you? I'll wait in line, that's fine, listen to music, I'll watch something on Netflix on my phone, whatever. But I go to where the cab says.

There's just one cab there. And I go, hey, man, like, I'm heading to Foxwoods. Could you give me a ride? He's like, sorry. Just so you know, like, someone booked me. So I'm just waiting on them. I was like, all right. All good.

No worries. So I'm walking away on my phone. And I, you know, this is a couple seconds, minutes later, whatever. And I hear, hey, sweetheart, heard you going to Foxwoods. And I was like, I turned and spin around. I was like, I am. Why don't you come out with us? I was like, okay, beautiful.

So I jump in shoddy with these two ladies, two ladies, mom and daughter, Kay and Mimi, and unbelievable people. Great folks, The best. And so we're riding What are we talking, like, 50 and 25 sort of thing? I couldn't tell Mimi's age. Mimi wasn't too interested in me. Kay. Mimi's the daughter? Mimi's the daughter. Yeah, no kidding.

The daughter has no fucking interest. The mom is gonna be like, we're talking to this funny little white boy. Yeah, yeah. She's having a time. She's ready to kick off her foxes. Oh, how'd you boy. She's having a time. She's ready to kick off her Foxwoods weekend. She's ready to kick off her Foxwoods weekend. She's going to go play the slots the whole fucking time, rip cigs,

and she's talking to the funny white boy with the orange mustache. Yeah, I forgot to mention they were on their way to the Nas concert. Even better. Nas, by the way, K was the best. K said that Nas was playing Foxwoods Theater

because of the vaccine mandates in Manhattan. That's why he wasn't doing Madison Square Garden. Sure. Nas was doing a 3,600 person venue because MSG was

checking on masks. See, I didn't know Nas put out an album since Hip Hop is Dead. Yeah. I didn't even know that album. Shit. You know, Hip Hop is Dead, that was with Jay-Z. That was with fucking. Yeah, I wouldn't even know, man.

That was a pretty good album. But the, but fuck, what was I going to say? Oh, yeah. And so as they're telling me that, my cabbie drives in, chimes in, talking about vaccine shit. Cabbie chimes in. Oh, man. I'm just trying to, he was Jamaican, and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to do it. What?

How you? I'm King Stannard. There you go. Just channel your Chet Hayes. Yeah. Just get your catwalk. If I should do it, I'm just deciding how I'm going to do it. Just like, just trying to get into the main, sit there.

And he goes, do you know that Connecticut, the first state, 100% vaccinated? And I was like, congrats, Connecticut. That's unbelievable. You guys. All of you. 100%. You told me Connecticut was 100%. And I let it happen, because

fuck me. Wait, wait, wait. Call him out and be like, hey, sir. This cab ride is both too short and too long to have this conversation. I don't have time to explain to you how Connecticut is absolutely not 100% vaccinated. We're not dealing with it. Then we started talking about Jamaica. Did you know that in Jamaica, there's a fuck ton of Chinese Jamaicans? I didn't know that

but also coming from the guy that said Connecticut's 100% vaccinated maybe there's not. No, this one I researched. This one. Jamaican Chinese Jamaicans. There's like 100,000

Chinese Jamaicans. My buddy married an Asian Jamaican so maybe. Really? I had no idea. I asked him. I was like

bro, I was like fuck, such an asshole. I was like so why the influx of Chinese people to Jamaica? He's like I don't know man. I don't know fuck, he's such an asshole. I was like, so why the influx of Chinese people to Jamaica? He's like, I don't know, man. I don't know, if you're going to bring that up, you should probably know the answer.

Like, he's like, yeah, I know. No, I, because I did research it. Like, it's like the 1700s. Like, it was forever ago. It wasn't a recent thing. It was just like, forever, there's just been Chinese people in Jamaica. He said he was talking, his wife is white, and she was like, these people are being racist. At Fox was one time, because there were Chinese people speaking Jamaican accents. He's like, these people are being racist, at Foxwoods one time,

because there were Chinese people speaking Jamaican accents. He's like, no, it's just Jamaican. And he's like, I talked to him, and he's like, they're Chinese Rastas, which is unbelievable. Chinese Rastas has got to be one of the coolest fucking combos out there. It is. Are they more Chinese? How do they look? I would

imagine. I was talking to my friend. He's like, Patrick Chung, yeah. Patrick Chung is an Asian Chinese Jamaican. Oh, fuck. He's here. Okay. You may have noticed we stopped right in the middle of that story. And now that we're coming back,

Kevin is gone. We had an interview and then Kevin had to leave, so I'm going to do the rest of the episode alone. I think I was describing where I was. We were talking about Chinese Jamaicans, classic, you know, how KFC Radio always does. I was going to say, I had a friend in college who was a Chinese Scottishman,

and the first time I met him, I thought these guys were just trying to pick up my friend at the bar. Chinese Scott? Yeah. So, like, I mean, I just. Oh, okay. It was a girl. I just think friends are guys.

No. Like dogs. Yeah, no. I thought they were, like, because I had other friends that would act like they were English to pick up girls at the bar. And then the next day just be like, yeah, I was lying. And, like, it actually worked, like, a little bit too much. But, yeah, this guy, Robert fucking Scotsman, I'll never forget.

He turned to us and just out of the blue just goes. Is there a Chinese man named Robert Scotsman? His name is Robert Sang, but, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying he's a Scot. His last name was Scotsman. No, no. He was Scottish.

He had, like, the full Scottish accent. And I'm like, I remember the one day he just turned to us and just goes, so, what's Thanksgiving? And my brother just goes, ah, we killed a bunch of Indians. It was a whole thing. He goes, what? And, like, that guy to this day thinks, like, we're just celebrating the massacre of Indians. In a sense.

It's not the wrongest thought to ever have. but the rest of this journey we'll be quick about where it was these women they didn't I don't think they ever left New York City because they didn't understand weather where they were like so what's the weather like in Connecticut and me and this guy were like

we were like it's pretty much just what it is in New York and they were upset with us they were like nah us. They were like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. They're like, it gets cold up here. I'm like, we are an hour and a half north. It is. I was going to say, I still don't know the East Coast at all.

Connecticut's north. I mean, it's just like it's New York and then it's Connecticut. It's right there. It is. Whatever it was 20 minutes ago in New York, it is now. It's a little cooler outside of city, but it was just the same fucking thing. But so my – we get to Foxwoods, and my request for payment – I was like, look, I'm going to pay for this cab.

It's on me. It is – yeah, you guys were nice enough to invite me in your cab. I'm going to pay for it. What I require – what I request from you is just you guys got to give me two winning roulette numbers. And they were like, deal. They go, 75 and 57. And I was like, fucking hell yeah. Thank you.

And they get out of the car. And then I'm like, they didn't even wait for me to pay, which I feel like is a really rude thing. I feel like when you're, like if someone's paying, like wait for me to pay. You hang out for a second. I was like, I got this. They're like,'s paying Wait for me to pay You hang out for a second I was like I got this They're like word And then it was out I didn't even put my card

In the machine yet man You do the slow Like the buckle Oh yeah You got that You got that And then like They just split

They're just like word And I was like alright And then while I'm paying The cabbie just looks at me And he just goes You know the board Only goes up to 36 right And I was like oh

boy it's gonna be a long weekend i am not good at gambling i have no idea what number the roulette board goes i love 57 i was like hell yeah i'm gonna get in there but i'm like 57 and 75 but so then we started playing blackjack and i came to the realization that i'm just not good enough at math to play blackjack and i don't mean like counting cards you're like all right there's already been 17 7 see this is what i mean there's already been four fucking spades out so no that doesn't matter in blackjack either like just the fast three kings three kings out and like there's no probably not gonna be a king even though there's three decks but i was just like i can't do the basic edition where like people like celebrating me they're like yeah you won i'm like dude i am

only up to 12 i think you give me a spoiler i'm guessing when i'm done counting he's gonna have busted but i am not at the point yet doing the fingers like hold on a second well then like an ace just like doing math so fast that the ace becomes 11 it becomes a one but how are you counting so fast you have to slow down. Do this like an idiot. So I started playing. There's this thing called Match the Dealer where you just put – it's like a side bet where you just put – again, people who gamble are probably listening like, yeah, yeah, we fucking know what Match the Dealer is, dude. I've never heard of it.

Okay. So it's like here's where your blackjack cards go. There's a little circle right here. here you put a couple of chips there if you want where you decide if you what the bet is that that one of your cards can be the same as the dealer oh okay so you're both gonna have a four gotcha i can do that yeah i can't count but i can go those two numbers are the same so i was basically just betting match the dealer and i was winning it's like the worst thoughts in the house. I was winning, like, a lot of 10-to-1 bets, betting that, like, that I was going to match the dealer to the point where the dealer was like,

what are you doing? What's happening right now? And I was like, I don't know, man. I was betting $50 hands. I don't know where to switch out the dealer on you just because it's like, this is, like, we got to get the pro in there. But he's so into it because it's not his money.

He's so into it that he's reminding me. He's like, bro, put that bet down again. Put another bet down. I was like, all right, let's do it. What was his first name? He also knows it's going to turn, and then suddenly all your money is going right back to him. But it's like, you don't know that because I'm clearly so disinterested in this. I wasn't even texting.

They had to keep reminding me to put money in. And I was like, oh, my bad. I was just zoned out. This is so not entertaining to me i was just like on a different planet but the uh the so then i went to the stefano show and then we went back to the tables like two o'clock three o'clock in the morning where we met i'm just gonna say his real name i don't give a shit keith keith was a dealer who it wasn't like he was kind of like on the tertiary end of like, boy, this guy's got some like bold beliefs.

Keith was like, you sat down and Keith was like, hello, I'm Keith. I am in QAnon and I'd like to give you the pitch here. And it was just, it was like, okay, a little fun fact for you guys. Keith was disgusted, absolutely disgusted with the idea that we thought Michael Jackson was dead. And we didn't bring up it. It wasn't like we were talking about Michael Jackson. He was just like, you fucking morons don't think Michael Jackson's dead, do you? Yeah, I guess.

He's like, fucking classic fools. He goes, what were Michael Jackson's last words before he died? I have no idea. Stop giving me that medicine. It's hurting me. He goes, the best is yet to come. I was like, that seems okay, whatever. Why do you know that?

And what were Trump's last words when he left office? I mean, I got to guess. I'm going to guess you're probably going to say it's the best is yet to come. The best is yet to come. That doesn't really sound like something Donald Trump would say as Joe Biden walks into the office. But fucking whatever, man. And if you YouTube, he goes, if you YouTube Donald Trump, Michael Jackson, only one single video pops up.

He's like, you can YouTube anything. Hundreds of videos pop up. Thousands of videos pop up. One video will pop up. And we're just like, Keith, you know we have smartphones, right? Yeah. I'm just going to YouTube it real quick. Yeah, no, there's a shitload of videos, Keith.

Yeah. Like a ton of videos. He's like, well, maybe it's on different phones then. I was like, I don't fucking know. And then what was his name? He just kept spouting off conspiracy theories. Oh, he got into DWAC, which I don't understand. I know it's like a stock that I guess Trump mentioned at some point.

And I don't know exactly what it is, but I've seen tweets about DWAC, and he's like, you've got to get it on DWAC. I don't know what that is. But he was so into, he was so old and so bad at doing both dealing and conspiracy theories that we were like, Keith, I don't even care which one you pick, but you gotta pick one and focus on it because you're not selling me on QAnon

and you're not getting these cards out in time and it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I just want to go to fucking bed, but my goddamn friends want to play blackjack. So just entertain me one way or the other, either by taking my money or poisoning my brain, but make one happen, Keith. But we went on for long enough and then I ended up going to bed.

But the last thing, I ended up up $300, I think, because I was crushing Match the Dealer. But my lasting image and my lasting memory from Foxwoods is how many people are in wheelchairs or scooters or in boots, like walking boots. And while I was walking around Foxwoods – and don't get me wrong. Everything about it is pretty garbage. But I realized that – I think the most –

and I'm going to talk to the garbage boys about this. I think the most white trash thing you can do as an adult is be hurt just any kind of just be injured like have crutches like dude if i see a fucking adult man with crutches i'm like what happened to you you fucking scumbag would you fall off your bike would you have to ride because you have a dui while you were fucking going to pick your kids up from school and have them ride the pegs. That's what kind of piece of shit I think you are. If you are...

Just like, are you fucking animal? You're a garbage human. It could be like, anything could happen. But if I see an adult in a walking boot, in crutches, in a wheelchair, you're just not allowed to be hurt as an adult.

If you are, you're a piece of trash. I can't remember the last time, like, outside of a casino, because casinos, it's like they get dismissed from the hospital and they just roll them right in. Like, you walk around a little bit, you'll get this is your PT. Just go do that for a while. But, like, I can't remember, like, when was the last time somebody in this office, besides getting hit by a car, because that happens to a lot of employees here.

Like, when was the last time somebody was just hurt? Never, because we're functioning adults. We're not scumbags. An adult with a cast? Yeah, what did you do, you fucking monster? Were you beating children? Were you, like, running from the police after jerking off on a playground? Everything you do.

I don't see an adult injured and think, oh, he's probably rescuing a dog from a building. If an adult's hurt, you're a scumbag. There's no reason for adults to be injured. Like, for regular ass adults who work in offices and are just normal people, you have no reason to be injured. I can't think of the last thing that I did that I could have possibly been injured. It can't happen. No one regular gets hurt

because you just be regular. There's definitely times I probably hurt myself and probably should have gotten it looked at, but to commit to... But even getting it looked at, you're a scumbag because you have the sense of fucking narcissism we're like i have to fix whatever's wrong with me i know it's fucking fine just go about your day the only reason i've never like gone and like gotten checked out is because like

you have to tell the doctor what happened and like after 20 i'll say 22 that's just like anything you say is insanely embarrassing. But they've heard it all. You can tell. Just fucking have. Segura has a bit about this where he goes, the doctor doesn't give a shit. Why go? This hurts.

That's all he needs to know. Don't be like, well, it's doing the laundry and I slipped on some. No, no. Just tell him this hurts. Put a thing on it. Like, that's it. That's all you need. So we're going to do top fives are going to be top five acceptable injuries for adults to have. That's it. Because there aren't any.

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I wear them all the time. If you don't, you're a buffoon. Yeah, honestly, these were sent. These are addressed to Kevin, but they're my size. So they're yours now? Yeah, I might be leaving with these. Okay, so top five acceptable injuries for adults. I'll go first.

Number one, depression. Yep. That's one you can add because you can't see. You can't see a scumbag walking around a fucking casino with the boot on when they're just depressed. They might have a little stumble. They might slur a word or two. But they're just depressed. Leave it alone. They'll go to bed soon.

Oh yeah, by the way, since Kevin's not here, everyone's just going to shout something out and I'm going to choose the best one. Funyuns. What? Oh, I thought you said Funyuns. I was like, is that an injury? Funyuns is a good one. I thought you said Funyuns. I was like, is that an injury? Funyuns is a good one. I was going to go pull groin because you thought you could do the split still even though you can't. But you were drunk at a party and someone said, wait, you used to be able to do that?

And you're like, yeah. Funyuns it is! Yep. Damn. I got one. I got one. Got two. Oh, wait.

Got two. Bullet wound from the lead actor of the movie or director. Oh, my God. Jesus. Pabs. Jesus. Is it bunions or not? I mean, all of them are acceptable.

But what we're going to put out to the public on social media, bunions. Bunions. Is what we're going to put out to the public on social media? Bunions. Bunions. That's what we're going to put. Number two is going to be addiction. If you're an adult and you don't have addiction, then you're a scumbag weirdo, too. So addiction, too. I'm just going to go stiff neck from sleeping wrong.

Good one. A burn. Unacceptable. What? Unacceptable. Why? That's some chick shit. That's like, I touched my hair straight and I left it out by accident.

Are you kidding? I don't have any. Do you have any burns old people burn themselves all the time though what do you mean all the time it's like a lot of i don't know how how many frying pans what do you mean they just put their hand in the frying pan just name it hot things now yeah ovens we ovens are a huge culprit but i've never seen like you you know, I think you just see old people have a lot of band-aids on their hands so you assume they're from Burns. Probably Burns.

No, that's a false misconception. That's a misconception. A false assumption. It is not from Burns. It is just from having old skin. It's old skin that just rips. They just make a fist and their skin just rips open.

Ew, ew, ew. Wait, you had... Skin rips is my new one. Skin rips. Ugh, gross. Paz, anything here? Anything super offensive you got? No, nothing.

High blood pressure. Oh, high blood pressure's a really good one. Fuck. Okay, you guys went three for three on that one. Those are all... Well, never mind. Jackie didn't. You guys went two for three on that one. Those are all. Well, never mind. Jackie didn't. You guys went two for three on that one.

666 is still pretty good. I am going to choose that the best one there is stiff neck from sleeping. I think they're all very good. Again, not all. I think Paz and Nick were very good there. I consider not coming in on a day where I just have a stiff neck. I don't get stiff necks anymore because I'm just, my body's like, I got it. Like, we're used to this.

We're never going to be comfortable ever again. Like, I slept when I went to Fox News again. That was my first time sleeping in a bed in probably months. I would guess since. She's been crushing it on the couch. I would guess since March. Slamming ice cream. Top six injuries in older adults.

One, hip dislocation. Two, burns. I can't believe she just Googled something. What are you talking about? Burns. Read on then. Hold on. Sorry.

I'll read it. Burn injuries are common among elderly people. I'll read that first sentence again. Burn injuries are common among elderly people, I'll read that first sentence again. Burn injuries are common among elderly people and they can have severe consequences. Oh! Oh my god. Oh my god. Seniors often experience burns when cooking.

Frying pans. Why did you know this? I know my... I know my old people injuries. Alright, man. I'm about to give it to you now. I guess you win. I guess it's burned.

What the fuck is that all about? All right, number three, turf toe. I don't think I've had that yet. No, I haven't had it either, but fucking adults get it all the time. I see Shaq talking about it. Professional athletes. Yeah, they're all adults. They get turf toe all the time.

I was going to go, have you ever, I don't even know what this is called, when your jaw starts clicking and you can't, like, open your mouth. Oh, so are you talking about TMJ? That's it. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it. Jesus. Yeah, TMJ. The first time that happened to me, I was like, I couldn't eat for a week.

Bro, my shit's fucked up. I'm going to have locked you up permanently. I'm going to be doing this podcast like Kanye does through the wire at some point in my life. That's just a fact. TMJ's a good one. It's pretty close to home.

Hemorrhoids. What is wrong? Are you just Googling, like, adult? I can see her reading. No, that one was original. That's an original? I mean, I just, like, thought of it. I might be worse.

I don't even, yeah. I don't know what it is, but. The paths? Erectile dysfunction. Oh! Good one! Fuck, another good list, folks. Do you know how people get hemorrhoids?

I saw a weird TikTok once about it. It was like, TikTok's gotten fucking gross. But it was a cartoon. It's from people just trying to shit too hard. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. I thought it was like a medical condition. Wait, I thought it was like

when it comes out your belly button, your intestines. No, that's a fucking hernia. Oh, yeah. No. That's my next one. What?

Don't go on a hernia. Are you just reading a list right now? Are you cheating? You didn't say we couldn't. I mean, it's supposed to be fun and creative

not just Googling injuries adults. I'm done with the list. It's what happened when we did the top five movie franchises. She's Googling the list for 20 minutes. I'm going off the grip. People are like, Nick's list sucks. I'm like, well, yeah, she fucking Googled it for 20 minutes.

We can't do any research on this show. Most important part of the show, no research. Yeah, it's just when people are trying to shit too hard. And then you pop a blood vessel in their asshole. Yeah. And it swells up. And it just keeps getting pulled. Yeah, that's the cartoon I saw on TikTok.

Who needs to shit so bad they have to pop a blood vessel? Just shit later, dude. Like, why is it so important to shit right now? Just wait until you actually have to poop and then poop. I've never understood that. Just don't shit. Like, no, we're doing it right now! Just wait a while.

Like, there's time. There's plenty of time today. Go have a fucking glass of milk and chill. Wait, who's getting that? Oh, you're getting that one. I'm going to tell this function. Okay. Okay.

I am going to go with cancer. Cancer is an acceptable injury for adults. Yeah, it's... But I feel like a lot of kids... I guess, okay. It's acceptable for kids, too. It's not only adults that are allowed to have it, but just like if an adult has cancer,

it's not like what's wrong with that weirdo. They just have cancer. I get it. I get it. I get it. Their organs are shutting down. Their death has been rebranded. That is one of my favorite things about cancer, is we just took death and we're just like, alright, we're just going to give it a different name.

The old days, people just died. And they're like, oh, what happened? He died at old age. Now, instead of dying, they're like, he has cancer we're gonna fix it all right who's got one hemorrhoids over here or hernia over here i'm gonna come up with something original ptsd ptsd another good one from pam that's gonna be a hard one to beat. Yeah. Fuck. See, kids just bury their imagination. Like, when a kid has trauma, he just fucking erases it. When an adult has trauma, it's like, I'm just going to relive this every night.

Oh. This restless leg syndrome. I'm going to relive this every time a car backfires. What did you say? Restless leg syndrome. Oh, a good one as well. I'm just thinking of this every time a car backfires. What did you say? Restless leg syndrome. Oh, a good one as well. I'm just thinking of insomnia shit now. Dude, if you're a slept with a person with restless leg syndrome, you should all die. Anyone with restless leg syndrome needs to die.

Either choose to be alone like a fucking leopard or die. I'm fairly certain. That's me. Every time I wake up. I'm fairly certain. That's me. Every time I wake up, I'm sleeping next to a fucking roadrunner. Jackie, anything here? Anything you didn't Google? This is why I Google. I'm not good at thinking

on the spot. Oh, I got a good one. Like, heart issues? I don't know. No. Nope. Nope. Fine.

But whatever. Wait, what did you say? I said PTSD. PTSD. Okay, yeah. PTSD wins this one. You were almost there. I'm stealing it now.

Harper. What? I was getting there. You said heart something. That's dead. I said heart issues. That counts as heartburn. No, it doesn't.

Yeah, it does. Heartburn isn't a heart issue. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. What as heartburn. No, it doesn't. Heartburn isn't a heart issue. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. What the fuck is it then? It is an issue with your heart. You can't have it on your list. Heartburn, mine, number five.

No, no. I'm not letting you take it. I'm not letting you take it. You think heartburn has to do with your heart. You're wrong. It's not. Why do they call it that? It doesn't make much sense, but it does not affect your heart.

Because they used to guess, and we stuck with the word. We didn't want to change it. So you're telling me that heartburn has nothing to do with your heart, but then your heart does burn. No, it doesn't. Your esophagus burns. It feels like stomach acid coming up into your throat. I also like, I'm starting to get that all the time now too.

Heartburn, brutal. This is terrible. First of all, you guys have a great list. I also love my list. Depression, addiction. You're stealing them. What do you mean? Turf toe, fucking cancer, and heartburn. What is turf toe? What is turf toe?

I don't know. So you can't? What? I know what happens to your fucking toe. You didn't know what hemorrhoid was. You thought it was a hernia. It's like a stubbed toe. Turf toe is like a stubbed toe.

Staying with the sunburn. Sunburn? Unacceptable. You had sunburn for Sunburn? Unacceptable! You had sunburn for like a month! I'm not an adult! Fair. A sunburn for an adult is completely unacceptable. And I think I've said this before,

the worst thing about sunburns is when people tell you you have a sunburn. They're like, oh, got a burn out there today. Like, I feel like I've been lit on fire! I'm aware that I got a sunburn! You don't need to tell me! Or they just touch you and go, like, I feel like I've been lit on fire! I'm aware that I got a sunburn! You don't need to tell me! Or they just touch you and go oh, oh, got a bit of a burn there. How about you go fucking fuck a person with

breast and leg syndrome and you both die? Um, kidney stones. Obesity. Pabst quietly crushes him. Pabs won this Babs every single time

he doesn't even give explanations he just leans forward he's like nightmares from war alright that's top 5 top 5's those were brought to you by Thursday Boots and now we're going to get into our voicemails video voicemails or Alright, that's top five. Top fives. Those were brought to you by Thursday Boots. And now we're going to get into our voicemails. Video voicemails or... Video voicemails.

Video voicemails today are brought to you by Mint Mobile. It's basically... Again, ad reads are so easy now because we're so lucky to have such good advertisers. All I just have to say is fucking Ryan Reynolds' company. Okay? Yeah. That's it. Oh, by the way.

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mintmobile.com slash KFC. That's mintmobile.com slash KFC. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. Where? At mintmobile.com slash KFC. KFC, Fights, Nick, Jackie, Zach, Mikey, Josh, what up? It's your boy Antonio. I've got a quick question.

If you woke up tomorrow as somebody else from the KFC radio crew, who would you want to wake up as? And what would be the first thing you did? I'd like to say, you know, killing yourself isn't an option, but you know, so because of that,

I know it's headed that way. We've got a couple of bucks for the suey jar. Best voice. So yeah, I feel like every video voice is our best video voice. So yeah, that's an unbelievable one. First of all, shall get everyone's name, right? Second of's an unbelievable one. First of all, get everyone's name right.

Second of all, great question. Third of all, great suey jar shout out. I am going to answer this last. So, Nick. I thought you were going to say Zach fucking dude. Just try it. I am capable of fucking a dude right now. I don't have to cut my body in half to become... Zach's just little is what I mean.

Yeah. Zach the twink. Yeah, no, I don't think I'd choose Zach. I don't think I'd choose Zach. I think... I was thinking about this because I watched this earlier. I think I would have to go Pavs because he's just younger. Like, I'm really...

I'm starting to get the old people shit where it's just like... That's the worst when you make that thing. When it's just like, I just stopped drinking the other day because I just didn't feel like drinking anymore. I'm like, ah. I'm like, what happened? I didn't black out. I went home at 10.30. Just fine. I'm like, ah. Like, what happened? I didn't black out. I went home at 10.30. Just fine.

I'm like, what happened to me? It is. I mean, I'm recently getting there. It was kind of forced upon me, but the similar thing where it's like, I'm just going to go home. Someone's going to buy some candy and go to bed on my couch. I'm not unhappy.

It's just like, oh, man. I feel like I'm getting less stories right now. I think, all right, let's all agree, since he's not in the room and no one tell Kevin this, Kevin's the last choice. No, I think he would totally agree with that. Like, I might become Kevin to kill myself just for Kevin. Kevin can't do it. I don't really have a connection to Kevin's kids.

I'll take him out. Don't worry, bro. I know you want this. Every night he's just sitting there like, if it wasn't for them, I'd be gone. So I could save Kevin. I would be a heroic act of me. But I don't want to do that.

Jackie, who's your answer? Pavs, go ahead. I need to think about this a little bit more. Pavs, go ahead. I don't know. I don't have a great choice. I'm so offended that nobody's chosen me. I'm all right with being in it, but also I want you.

I'm offended that nobody's chosen me yet. No one's chosen you? I mean, look, if I was going to pick somebody, we have such a diverse crew here. I could walk in a lot of different pairs of shoes. There is, it was definitely, I was thinking between Josh and Jackie. Josh, I could, you know, what was the book, Black Like Me? I could write a new book.

Super offensive. I was black for a week. I get it, guys. I understand the struggle now. I don't remember that book. No, no. It's a book called Black Like Me, for sure. I'm going to Google it right now.

It's a wild book. The dude just went in blackface forever. Oh, my God. It's a book from 1961. Okay. Yeah, I'll teach you guys a little something here. Black Like Me, first published in 1961, is a non-fiction book by

white journalist John Howard Griffin, recounting his journey in deep south of the United States at a time when African Americans lived under racial segregation. Griffin was a native of Mansfield, Texas who had his skin temporarily darkened to pass as a black man. What a way to describe blackface.

Like, he wasn't a magician who did this to him. He traveled for six weeks throughout racially segregated states of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, and Georgia to explore life on the other side of the color line. Sepia magazine financed the product in exchange for the right to print the account first as a series

of articles. Oh, there's a movie called Black Like Me, too. They made it into a book uh account the trip let's just see here uh okay so oh oh wait no he fucked never mind he was about that life he didn't fucking do blackface he fucking under the account uh i'm sorry under the care of a dermatologist griffin underwent a regimen of large oral doses of anti-vetiglio drug, methoslaxin, and spent up to 15 hours a day under an ultraviolet lamp. That's he tanned a lot, is what that says.

That's a fancy way to say he was tanning a lot. The language they're using is really just skirting around. Like, you look Mexican. He was given regular blood tests to ensure that he was not suffering liver damage. The darkening of his skin wasn't perfect, so he touched up with stain. Stain is the word they used. Yeesh. He shaved his head bald to hide his straight brown hair.

Satisfied that he could pass his African American, Griffin began a six-week journey to the South. During his trip, he abided by the rule that he would not change his name or alter his identity. If asked who he was or what he was doing he would tell the truth in the beginning he decided to talk as little as possible to ease the transition into the social milieu of southern u.s blacks he became accustomed everywhere to the hate stare received from whites after he disguised himself many people who knew griffin as a white man did not recognize him sterling williams a black shoeshine man in the french quarter whom griffin regarded as a casual friend did not recognize him. Sterling Williams, a black shoeshine man in the French Quarter, whom Griffin regarded as a casual friend, did not recognize him. He first hinted that he wore the same unusual shoes as somebody else,

but Sterling did not recognize him until Griffin told him. Because Griffin wanted assistance entering into the black community, he decided to tell Sterling about his identity as Project. What was Sterling's reaction? Yeah. Yo, bro, bro, it's me. It's me. Yeah, blackface.

Pretty good, right? Yeah, I knew that the whole time. We're not actually friends. You just come here every now and then. Quit telling people we're friends. After his book was published, Griffin received many letters of support. He said they helped him understand the experience. Griffin received very few hostile letters.

He became a national celebrity for a time. In a 1975 essay, including later editions of the book, he recounted encountering hostility and threats to him and his family in the hometown of Mansfield, Texas. He moved to Mexico for a number of years for safety because that's where he blended in the most. In 1964,

he stopped with a flat tire. Griffin was assaulted by a group of white men and beaten with chains. An assault attributed to the book. Took five months to recover from further injuries. Anyway, that's a real book. And if I was Josh, I could write Black Like Me Too. I totally forgot why you were doing that. I knew it was all coming back.

I was just waiting for it. So I think I'm going to go with Josh. Because if it was Jackie, people are like, oh, I'd like to be a girl and see what it's like to have boobs. I have boobs. I have boobs. I don't know. I get it. It's not that fun.

I got to slurp back. It is not fun. I, again, not great options. I'm going to go with our gerbil that I'm determined for us to get at one point. You know how easy it is to get a fucking gerbil? We've been offered so many gerbils.

I know, but it's like... But you have to take care of it, and that's a thing? Yeah, it was your idea. I will. At one point. Alright, so answers are... Wait, what was your answer? Oh, I said Pavs. Pavs?

Wait, what was your answer? I didn't answer. I'm going to? Because Pavs is young. Wait, who was your answer? I didn't answer. You didn't answer. I'm going to go Jackie. It's probably so easy to be a girl. Famously, it is easy to be a woman in America. In sports media. Casey's replies are very, very good.

Yeah, I'm going to be Kevin. I'm going to do both. I'm going to be Kevin and kill myself for to do both. I'm going to be Kevin and kill myself for him. And then I'll be Josh and write a hit book about Black Like Me Too. Oh, how about that?

Never mind. Fuck it. Change the game. I just said it out loud. Now it clicked. I'm going to be Josh and Jackie and I'm going to be Black Like Hashtag Me Too.

And I'm going to write both of them. Genius! I'm a genius! I'm rich just from black like hashtag me too. And I'm going to write both of them. Genius! I'm a genius! I'm rich just from that idea. Fuck yeah! Brilliant. Alright. Oh, my nuts are at you. Shit.

We love you! That's why Jackie chose a gerbil yeah he chose a gerbil that doesn't exist rather than us Jackie didn't pick me he's got boobs still and he just had leg boobs too

that's all fucking okay what's up KC this is the most college house I've ever seen we thought of a question and we thought to ask it. So our question is for everyone. What rating out of 10 would someone have to be for you to eat their asshole?

One out of 10, what rating do they have to be? Let us know. We want everyone to eat their asshole. Thanks, guys. Have a good one. I like that guy chiming in. Just eat their asshole, in case you. Have a good one. I like that guy chiming in. Just eat their asshole in case you didn't hear it.

Bro. I mean, I don't really have a number, but it's just someone I'd fuck. Yeah. Yeah. That's the answer. That's the easy answer. Someone I'd kiss on the mouth,

I'd kiss on the butthole. How about that? That's the easy thing. If I kiss your mouth, I'd kiss your ass. Yeah. If you're having sex already and it's leading to that

you don't visit New York and not visit the Statue of Liberty you go to all the fucking spots you check all the boxes anywhere anyone wants to go I go that's it notice no one else

chiming in on this question I agree you're all pussies you're all a bunch of pussies play the next voicemail then alright so here's one I really need you to clear the air with this has been an ongoing feud for the past 20 years when i was in high school

i'm 35 now so i was 16 years old so we're talking 20 years ago when i was in high school i wanted to have anal sex with my girlfriend so the deal was stick something in your butt i didn't bring you this one you get to stick it in my butt so i was like that all right here we go so i go to the fridge and like she's pulling out cucumbers and pieces of celery i think like a freaking bottle of ketchup came out or something like that i was like no hell no so we agree on a baby carrot all right so the deal was i stick this baby carrot in my ass and I get to, you know, all right? So I did it. I didn't really do it.

It was like I had it on the rim. So it's been the thing. For 20 years, people have been busting my shots. Would you do that to have anal sex with a girl? You're the man, so you got to let me know. Bro, these are the easiest questions of all time! Yeah, of fucking course! I feel like that's such a funny thing.

That's such a young relationship. I feel like everyone had that talk. He was earlier than I was, but everyone had that conversation at some point between, I guess, 16. I would have said 18, but I guess 16 to 23, 24, everyone had like

the, babe, can we do anal? And your girl would always come back with, if you do it first. Although, girlfriends I have had and had, I did all tenses, fucking set the bar higher than a baby carrot.

I had girls be like, yeah, we'll get a dick mold and we'll make your dick and you shove it up your ass first. It's like, alright, we're not going to do that. That's a whole process. I don't want to go to the store first. That being said, you still have that cloner willy. I still have it, yeah. I still have it because guess what? I keep turning down offers, Nick.

Yeah, it's still in its fucking box because I keep going, not today. But maybe one day. We're going to keep it there. We're not sure yet. It's still in my sock drawer. Don't get me wrong. One day we'll take the plunge, maybe. But I feel like putting a baby carrot up your ass is dangerous.

Get lost in there? Too small. I think you've got you gotta go something bigger. Maybe a real carrot, because you can at least hold it still. I thought you were gonna say... Baby carrot is like only going in your... Like a baby carrot doesn't go up your ass.

I thought you were saying... Baby carrot goes in. I thought you were saying a regular carrot, because you can start small and get gradually... I got a fucking... I got a sheath. I got a sheath. What do you call it? Handle. It's a handle. The word's handle I was looking for. I found it. It's got a handle you can hold on to.

A baby carrot. If you fucking cough, even on the rim, your ass is just eating that carrot, bro. She's like, what was that? Nothing. Nothing. It feels weird.

You're like bent over in the fucking kitchen because you're not walking too far away from the fridge to shove something up your ass. It's like... You are pretty fucking quickly reverse eating a carrot. If just like the slightest thing goes wrong. Reverse eating. It is. I mean, it's not. It's yes.

Bro, 100%. You're down. You're a regular ass person. I think you go to the negotiation table. You go to the negotiation table. I think she's always going to come cucumber. Girl comes cucumber every single time. It's like a woman's favorite fruit.

All right, fine. I'll shove a cucumber up your ass. Celery. Celery was in there. That seems like a problem. He said celery? He said celery. Celery is breaking off in your ass every time.

It's breaking. It's also like it's fucking the semicircle. Yeah. Less calories. You actually burn more calories shoving celery up your ass. ass every time it's breaking it's also like it's fucking it's the semi-circle yeah it's less calories and i you actually burn more calories shoving up your ass um the uh uh but you i i think you go to the table you go to the table with i just put a penis in your butt and nothing happens again this is the we're we're arguing at the age of an 18-year-old right now. And then she comes with cucumber.

And I think if you settle on anything, I mean, I think you're almost always going to settle on carrot. I feel like that's, yeah. Be it baby carrot or regular carrot, you're always going to settle on carrot. Carrot's the, if you're shoving a vegetable up your ass, it's gotta be a carrot. It's just... That's the veggie. You go carrot every time. If you can get her down to carrot, that's where you fucking...

As he said, bat. Done. Give me that fucking... Is it vitamin C in carrots? Or is that just the letter that the word starts with? Whatever. Give me the carrot. And that's that. One more question.

Do we have anyone? Hey, KFC. It's Jackie the crew. Quick story slash question for you guys. So I recently moved into a new apartment with my dog, and she was not really about it it like couldn't get used to it so and there's another dog my roommate has a dog too and they like didn't get totally along so I would keep her in my room a lot of the time and she kind of like destroyed my door put holes in

it there was like scratches on the door kind of like walls of like on the walls too, which is like, she gets anxious and nervous. Um, but I cleaned it up and it looks better now. Uh, but now she's back in my mom's house just because she like, wasn't liking it. But anyway, so now I have these scratches and holes in my bedroom door. It looks kind of crazy. So, um, when I have like guys over, like if they're in my room or something and it looks weird, I'd like the people like scratched on my have, like, guys over, like, if they're in my room or something, and it looks weird. I've, like, people, like, scratched on my door, like, trying to get out. Like, I had someone, like, held in here. It looks crazy. I was just wondering, and, like, it embarrasses me.

So, like, for you guys, did you, do you have, like, anything in your apartment, in your house, in your room, or, like, that you're embarrassed or like kind of like have a story behind that like has a reasoning behind it but like um sorry i'm really high this story's taking forever um like that you may be embarrassed by that people might not get the background of but um yeah just something in your place you're embarrassed of that you don't want to significant others to see your parents to see or something like that. Fights. I know it's... Well, I know you're not embarrassed by it. Your porn chest in your living room. You're proud of it.

Love it. I'm proud of it too for you. But yeah, question. Anything embarrassing in your house that you wouldn't want someone to see? Yeah, thanks. Bye. I got so much here. First of all, fuck, I already forgot what the first one was. Second of all, we are gonna have, this is more of me dipping my toe into the, hmm, I might not like dogs that much territory. humongous issues worldwide with people who got dogs during the pandemic and children

and they weren't ready for them and they didn't train them and it's gonna be anarchy. I was walking today behind a woman who had a fucking dog that was running around her carriage that she was pushing and there was a baby screaming and she was on the phone

speaker phone and had a coffee and she was on the phone, speakerphone, and had a coffee. I was gone on the episode where you guys talked about that. People have FaceTime and speakerphone in front of you. I cut somebody out of my life because they were doing that. It was crazy. I was like, you don't know how to handle that cup of coffee because she dropped it.

You don't understand how to fucking take care of a cup of coffee, and you have a baby that you clearly had in the last six months, and then you have a dog that you clearly got in the last year and a half, and somehow you think you can fucking, what do you call cattle? Fucking herd? You can herd all that together and be a responsible, functioning adult? No.

This world is going to be overrun with untrained dogs and shithead children. And the fucking COVID, that's going to be the worst part of it. That's going to be COVID's lasting goddamn what do you call it? Legacy? Influence. Zoom calls and shitty kids and dogs. You fucked it up, Wuhan.

You all did. But yeah, if you're an adult and you have an untrained dog, I fucking hate you. Trained dogs are the best. But be like, oh yeah, he fucking bites. Well, make him stop! Oh, sorry, he scratches at the wall and runs through my door.

Train him! My friends have this awesome fucking sheepadoodle that it's so well behaved and we love going out with it because like you don't have to keep it on a leash it stays by you like it's very well well behaved dogs well trained dogs the best fucking thing this is the problem like you say like all right dog's a dick head i don't have to like every dog not most maybe maybe maybe most the dog stinks if you if it was

a shitty little kid i'd say guess what that fucking stinks. And no one would bat an eye. But when I say that fucking dog who's untrained and bites me stinks, they're like, oh, what do you hate, dogs? No, I hate shitty dogs. Yeah. Fucking assholes. This is really aggressive. This was more about the person I saw this morning who was pissing me off in the video voicemail caller.

I love you. What was her name? I'm sorry. Josephine. Josephine. That was just, I almost sorry Josephine that was just I almost got a coffee spilled on me this morning and it's been bothering me for

six hours so thank you for helping me get that out but the most embarrassing thing in a room oof I don't know probably a fucking cock mold that I'm waiting to shove up my ass I'll do it uh wait for

someone who's really convincing to get me to use i mean i just used to have the weird instruments that like not a sexual thing it might i mean it was a triangle it was just like even the electric violin because that i can't play it was just hanging on the wall in college and then like fucking i had the accordion i'm like it, it's like, do you just play that? I'm like, no, I just fucking inherited them. Like, I don't know what sort of looked cool there. Like pretty much my college, my college bedroom, just that in general, college bed, just the entire thing.

I have my eyes. I have a room that's just really messy. I'm very embarrassed of that. I just have like a trash room. It's just full of garbage. I have in my senior house I don't live in it anymore but we had this

wall that was dedicated. It was like Jackie's lovers and then it was but it wasn't anybody who I'd hooked up with but it was anybody they just had this joke that I liked and I don't but they had a joke that I liked, and I don't, but they had a joke

that I liked young boys, so then they just put a bunch of, like, not, like, young boys, like, this is, I don't even know

if I want to put this in. It was young boys. Yeah, no, Jackie, this will be, I will, I've never checked for anything, any segment

that stayed in the show or not. I will be checking to make sure this is in the show. How young were these boys you loved, Jacqueline? it was, okay,

it was, it, it was like, it you loved, Jacqueline? No, no, no. It was, okay, it was, it was like, it was like, there were like celebrities, and it was celebrities who I would like kind of be like, oh, I think that they're kind of, no, I'd be like, oh, like, they're going to be hot when they're older or something, or it was, it wasn't, I'm not creepy. Is Jacob Tremblay on the wall?

Yeah, you're not. Is Jacob Tremblay on the wall? I think you're making it worse, not better. I know, I know. No, no, no, I mean? Yeah, you're not. Is Jacob Tremblay on the wall? I think you're making it worse, not better. I know. No, no, no. I mean, they're going to be hot when they're older. That's an acceptable thing to say, right? And there was also a lot of of-age people on the wall, but there was also just like, it was just tough to explain

when people would come over. Who was the youngest person on the wall? There was a picture. I don't know. I don't know. How many Stranger Things cast members were on the wall. There was a picture. I don't know. I don't know. How many Stranger Things cast members were on the wall? There was a picture of like Josh Richards when he was like 12. Josh Richards was famous when he was 12?

I don't know. They found like a 12-year-old picture of him. And I don't. Josh doesn't know that picture exists. I won't take all this out. But I'm not. I'm not a pedophile. Yeah, well, you didn't fuck anyone.

They were all clothed in the pictures, and you didn't fuck anyone. Yeah, yeah. You announced I'm not a pedophile before anyone accused you of being a pedophile. No. I just thought. I'm not a pedophile. All right. I want to take all this out.

This will be checked. Pals, what's yours? Your parents? My current living situation just in general. Do you live with your parents still? I live with my parents, but just not commuting anymore, so I'm just staying at my buddy's place and just living on a little futon. And my friends make sure that whenever girls come over,

they're reminded as soon as they walk in the door that, yeah, that's Paz's bed right there. That one right there. And they just point to the camera. That's kind of badass, though. Usually, like, yeah, man, I'm fucking... I don't want to be tied down too much. You can spin having a futon. Some girls find it funny.

Yeah, you're like a guy like, oh, I need to fix him. I can train him. Unlike most of you train your dog! All right. It is time to get to our fucking interviews. We have Chris DiStefano. Pretty big deal.

John Bernthal. Pretty big deal. And John Polono. Pretty big deal. It is a monster three interviews. Not three interviews. Two interviews. John and John are together. Chris

DiStefano is solo dolo. They're all fucking awesome. And also, I mean, DiStefano's hilarious. I saw him at Fox this weekend. Highly, highly recommend checking him out. He just announced his tour in New York. We'll probably put the dates in our description, but, or like, he's doing, he just announced, like, his whole

country-wide tour. Okay. Check out Chris. Also check us out November 12th at the Gramercy Theater. And these interviews are brought to you by Bird Dogs. Bird Dogs, I mean, this is, again, it's like promoting fucking some other massive company that I'm not going to say because I don't know. I guess it's a competitor probably, but just, I don't know. Another athletic apparel company.

How about that? One you've heard of. It is Bird Dogs. They are unbelievably comfortable shorts. They have the underwear built in. I will be perfectly honest with you. It's a concept that I didn't love the idea of until I put on a pair of Bird Dogs. I was like, I don't know.

That doesn't seem very comfortable. Put on a pair of Bird Dogs. It is just insanely comfortable. It's all I work out in because Bird Dogs hooks the brother up. And it's actually really great if I can give you even specific workouts to do in. Jumping rope. It keeps you fucking nuts really snug. Jumping rope kind of makes them bounce around a lot.

Fucking right there. And with Bird Dogs, I think they also just came out with a pair of joggers. I hear that they're very comfortable. But with the purchase right now, go to birddogs.com, promo code KFC. Guess what else you get? Boom! Free Bird Dog football. Free Bird Dogs football. Yeah, the Nerf

kind. The kind you pick up chicks on the beach where you go, watch this arm. I can't whistle. Don't fucking care. Super late at night here. You'll just hear deep corners of the office. Oh, we have 17,000 bird dogs footballs here. It's insane how many there are.

So go to birddogs.com, promo code KFC. Free bird dogs football with your pair of bird dogs. You will not take the bird dogs off. I sleep in them i i sleep in them i sleep in them because like i said they keep everything fucking kfc.com i mean promo bird dogs.com promo code kfc you're welcome chrissy de stefano let's talk by the way uh before this interview gets started as you probably would have guessed from my cab ride experience uh i did not get a ride with the stefano's mom to his show all right the best of the business that cohen store is unbelievable every story chris has is

unbelievable but he is he's fantastic i love him to death he took this place over for three straight hours i like the entire time like i was sitting there i like i'm so impressed when you guys do that one whenever we have that heart of a day it's good to see like all right we're not going crazy doing this like other people are fucking doing this like does that no doesn't like he's smart he does it like once every month yeah yeah we do it like twice a week it's tiring but now time to talk to john Bernthal, Jon Polono Polono is a fucking New Hampshire guy he's from Lancaster he is, this movie

I honestly, I very highly recommend it I really liked it it's highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes it's quick, it's an hour and a half it's small engine repair it's good and I'm gonna die hard I think he's the fucking man and I think that even more after this interview.

So Bernthal, Polono, here you go. Chrissy D, back on KFC Radio. Got a show coming up in Foxwoods that Feidelberg will be attending. You're going? Because he bought tickets like a fucking – He's so mad. When did you buy tickets? My friend bought them like a month ago probably. My God. Let's call it two months. Labor Day weekend. Labor Day weekend. When did you buy tickets? My friend bought them like a month ago, probably.

My God. Let's call it two months. Labor Day weekend. Labor Day weekend. When's that? Well, how about this? So instead of hitting you up for the tickets, he wants to hit you up for a ride. Bro, I don't know how to get to Foxwoods.

I've been trying to figure out how to get to Foxwoods for a month and a half. On public transportation? Yeah. Dude, get a car. You can't rent cars. You can't rent cars? Renting cars, impossible right now. Because of COVID?

I don't know exactly why. I tried to rent a car. Impossible. Can't be done. I think I'm going to take the train home to Boston and get a ride to Foxwoods. Yeah. So, I mean, let me first. Just wait until Chris is at the cellar or some shit.

This is crazy town. This is the same thing that you're doing right now. Do you? Well, here's the thing. My mom is driving up. Do you want to go with my mom? Because I can't. My This is crazy. This is the same thing that you're doing right now. Do you well, here's the thing. My mom is driving up. Do you want to go with my mom? Because I can't. My car is packed. I can't take you because I got pimp in his equipment and my opener. But my would you like to go with my mom? That would be so

funny. Talk to me about your friend. Is your friend what is he Catholic or Jewish? Well, first of all, they're all Catholic. Don't worry. Okay, so that's mom is listening. They're all coming from Boston. I'm the only one going from New York. So I have like I have like I'm going with my five friends or so But they're all coming from Boston. I'm the only one going from New York. So I have like five friends or so, and they're all coming from Boston. So I'm the only one coming from New York. And then you're going to make it like a Foxwoods weekend.

Are you going Saturday just for the show and then leaving Sunday? I think we're just going Saturday night. Go up Friday night. He's just coming for you, babe. I've never seen you. We saw you. Yeah, we see you on this, but we don't see you on stage. Yeah, I don't see you on stage.

I think I saw you open For Sean Latham once Right And the That's insane And And And I think that's all

I've ever seen you do Dude and I'm putting a show On sale in like Literally a week In New York Like a big big show And I'm like Well be it that one too

I'll buy tickets to that one too I buy tickets to shit Cause I fucking get so annoyed When people ask me You know what Yeah I'll buy tickets to that one too. I buy tickets to shit because I fucking get so annoyed when people ask me. You know what? Yeah. By the way, I really appreciate that. I would always, though, give you guys tickets.

Always, always, always. Some people that sometimes come out of the fucking woodwork. Tickets, no. I always buy merch. I never ask for free merch. I always just buy the merch. I agree. Which if you guys want merch, Anxiety Tuesday, ChristyChaos.co.

Only if you buy our merch first, though. Yeah. It's our show. He's on our show. You buy our merch and then you buy his merch. I agree. Which if you guys want merch, Anxiety Tuesday, ChristyChaos.co. Only if you buy our merch first, though. Yeah. It's our show. He's on our show. You buy our merch and then you buy his merch. But I appreciate you saying that. But yeah, dude, the show, and I'm just going to have you know, the show in Foxwoods this Saturday, it's going to be a good show. But the show, you're going to really want to come to the one that I do in New York because I'm going to unleash fucking T.T. Jerry on that show.

Holy shit. I'm going to let her go onto the stage. Yo, T.T. Jerry, if you're not familiar with Chris's work, Chris has an extended family member, I guess. Is it actually Jazz's real uncle or is it one of these things where you call him uncle and you're not uncle? No, no. It is my girlfriend's godfather. Got it. Who was a transgender woman.

Ex-convict who was just the sweetest fucking sweetheart I mean she's she's entertaining she's got a heart of gold stories out of her

fucking ass and I mean it's actually a lot of stuff comes out of her ass and into her ass it's actually really really sweet

and like nice what you've done for her like she she got out of prison and now is living a life that she probably she got on a plane for the first time. Everything for the first time.

She's a fucking rock star. I took her to dinner on Long Island. We all took her to dinner on Long Island two weeks ago. It was the first time she'd ever been on Long Island. She lived on New York her whole life and first time she ever sat down

in a restaurant and ordered dinner. She's like, I've never done this. I was like, what do you mean you've never done this? Did she get locked up really early or something? She was like 19, but she was like, we grew up so poor. She was like, nobody ever, she's like, I've never done this. I was like, what do you mean you've never done this? Did she get locked up really early or something? She was like 19, but we grew up so poor.

She was like, nobody ever. She's like, I've been to fast food places and Chinese food takeouts and pizzerias. She never had a waiter? I've never sat. She did not know what to do. I swear to God, she did not know what to do. And we were saying, because she was looking at the menu and asking me and Jasmine these questions. And then Jasmine was like, have you ever been out to dinner?

And she was like, no. And I was like, holy shit. That to me is fascinating. It was crazy. She was like, and so I'll just tell the waiter what I want. And I was like, yeah, just whatever you want. But it's also like, I don't know. Have you ever seen a movie, TT?

Yeah, I know. And you know what's crazy about her is we were going to get her teeth fixed because she has her teeth thrown fucked up. And she was like, no, I don't want to get my teeth fixed because this will remind me of where i came from and doing drugs and all that stuff so i want to just have missing teeth i was like you're saying that but it's real but it's really because you but it's really because you suck dick like if you literally give a better blowjob like you're literally i know that you're still prostituting yourself

and and being paid to give blowjobs and your customers come back when you have less teeth. So let's stop bullshit. There are so many better ways to remember the hard life you had. Get a tattoo or something. Not being able to smile in the mirror. You have scars all over your body from being stabbed with shanks. That's a reminder.

But the teeth thing, it's like you're giving head and I know what it is. She is unbelievable. She's one of the biggest characters on the internet in my mind now. Like we have a collection here of the whack pack of people that we just find and give full-time jobs for like insane salaries. But she's right up there as one of these people who like, you know, undeniably one of a kind, totally unique. Oh, my God, dude.

Like you're not going to find another one like her. There's plenty of people who have been in and out of prison but to be on the internet transgender with the personality she has and the outlook on life it's actually really it's like uh i don't know when i see her i'm like i stopped complaining about dumb shit and i remember like it's it's really her outlook it's really her outlook on life it's that that's all it is i we showed her the dave chappelle special and it's like what if this is just her one opinion but i was like what do you think of this and she was like i think this is great i was like really i was like, what do you think of this? And she was like, I think this is great. I was like, really?

I was like, there's a lot of trans people. There's a lot of people right now who are saying they have problems with this. She was like, are they trans? I was like, most of them probably not. She was like, they need to shut their fucking mouths. She was like, you don't know what it's like to be trans. She was like, I like that Chappelle is bringing awareness to trans people. She was like, that's what I like.

At least somebody's talking about it. And I was like, interesting. She also thinks being trans now is hack. She's like, I was trans in the late 70s. She was like, everybody does it now. She was like, it's so boring now. Late 70s is that's a hard war.

No, no, no. She was like, because she got time added onto her prison sentence when she already had gotten been handed down like 15 years. She was like – because she got time added onto her prison sentence in when she already had gotten – been handed down like 15 years. She got 10 years added for stabbing someone. And she was like, I would stab him and stab multiple people because they were attacking me because I was trans. She was like, now everybody in prison, trans get everything. She was like, if you're trans, like the carpet – the security guards will not fuck with you. That's the last thing they want is to have a trans person complain about them.

Where back then you would get your ass kicked for it and I would have to stab people. So her mindset is, hey, we paved the way. Trans people have it easy. Obviously they don't. But it's interesting to have a 56-year-old woman, a trans person on my podcast. That is not what Hollywood wants. Because it's interesting because she's ethnic, Puerto Rican, diverse, trans, gay, and she's saying the exact opposite things of what majority of those people are saying. But it's like is she wrong?

No, she just has a different point of view. Like she fucking loves Donald Trump, loves him. She said everybody in prison loved him. She's like the thing is because I was in prison. She's like I was in prison. So I loved – we all loved Donald Trump. She was like i was in prison so i loved we all loved donald trump she was like it was in jail she's like we're all like donald trump's a real motherfucker he's a real motherfucker she was like she was like everybody knows and she you know what she said

is interesting she said and this again just her i am not saying this this is what she says but it's interesting she's like when you go into prison this is what she said she goes when you go into prison she goes you realize the democrats lied to you she was like you realize that oh i'm just a slave she was like say shit like that she's like democrats been lying to you she was like they don't want to help me and i was like whoa that's fucking wild and i was like republicans lie to you too though i mean everybody's like everybody's lying to you the democrats are lying the republicans hate you yeah that's what i said they outright think you should go to hell. Yeah, I know. But it's just

when you get institutionalized, like she sleeps at my house. We have this great guest room for her, comfy mattress. Every single time I got to wake her up, she's sleeping on the floor.

She puts a blanket on the floor because she's like, I don't know. She's like, my mattress is that thin for 25 slices. But I said that too. She's like,

no, no, no, I'm comfortable like this. She goes, I want to live like this. That's how she lives, man. I can really relate to it because sometimes I fall asleep on the couch and I get upset when people move me to the bed. It's exactly the same thing. I feel comfortable on the couch, so

don't worry about it. I want to be there. How do you think you would last in prison? She told me what I needed to do If I ever Got convicted of a crime and had to go to prison She said you immediately need to ask Either to go into solitary confinement Immediately ask that Use all the money in your legal fees

To go into solitary confinement because you will survive Because it will just be you unless somebody pays off the guards And then they'll kill you Because that's also dangerous because then there's survive because it will just be you unless somebody pays off the guards and then they'll kill you. Because that's also dangerous because then you're like, there's no witnesses and shit. So like, you know. So he said it's a double-edged sword,

but he said most likely now they won't. Second, he said you should, you claim that you are trans because then they will send you to a trans ward of the prison. Just like prove it though? No, she was like, not anymore. You used to, but not anymore.

You could just say I'm current. Show me your fucking pussy. She said now you might have to start taking estrogen therapy to prove it, but she was like, you know, whatever. You already got fucking chunky t anymore. You could just say, I'm curable. Show me your fucking pussy. She said, now you might have to start taking estrogen therapy to prove it. But she was like, you know, whatever. You already got fucking chunky tits anyway. So just go do it. You know, who cares?

Fat asses and puppy nipples are good to go. What's a little more nipple fat? So that was her advice. But she said, I would absolutely be in big, big trouble. See, dude, we had the exact opposite take. Not take. We were giving the exact opposite answer. We had Wallow from Million Dollars Worth of Game was in here.

And he did 17 years? 27 years? Or no. He got out. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. A lot of years. Right.

And we were like, how would we do? Same kind of question. And I said my big thing was I really didn't want to become a white supremacist. Right. I just, I don't know. I don't, our views don't align with each other. Interesting with your choice of mustache. Yeah.

I was like, I just really. You're becoming one outside. It's the tattoo I just got. Oh, I can't wait. But the, and they were like, Walla was like, nah, man. He's like, it's not like that at all. You'd be fine. You could talk to him. He was like, prison's fine.

I was like, I don't think so. Almost like, reminds me of how you talked how your dad talked about it in your 9-11 stories like either way I'm in jail I'd rather be in actual prison with my friends with my friends

so she so I guess it's different prisons got different you know kind of ways about them too because she was saying as her prison sentence carried on

it got a little bit she just got more and more she said by the last like year of her prison sentence she was sleeping like with her prison door open cell open like it starts to become like once you establish yourself like nobody's really sounded like a fucking g like she was saying how she she ran like the gay uh she ran the gay part of prison she would she would out people like like there was

a guy who was like talking shit and like you know using slurs but then would come and like want to suck her dick yeah so she was she was like all right meet me you know using slurs but then would come and like want to suck her dick so she was she was like alright meet me in the shower and then she would have everybody like come in and like surprise like look he's fucking gay

she said she would her prison I won't shank you I'll out you her prison husbands because she was always the prison wife but her prison husband

she said would never like their families would come up and visit them like these guys had wives and kids they would come up and visit them in prison and they would she would say you can't leave the cell.

You're my wife now. Or I'm your wife now. You cannot leave the cell. Are they going to see their kids and shit? Yes. So a lot of them would never leave. But then when they go on the outside, all of a sudden they don't have a prison wife. Dude, you are a badass if you don't get to see the kids and shit.

Sit in there and clean the toilets. Yes, that's what it is. She wouldn't do that, but other people did? No, no. She said she would because she was like, the thing is with prison is you always – she was like, I didn't want to do that. You always have to maintain your dominance. Always. She's like, that is a survival thing.

She's like, I did not want that man to not see his wife and kids, but I also wanted to let everybody know what a bad motherfucker I was. So I was like, wow. It's so crazy because she's so nice. Yeah, she's one of the guys whose wives and kids came out. I'm sure he's in prison for life, but he had murdered people, and that's why he was in jail. And she would make him sit in the fucking cell. Now, granted, there's no way for me to prove these stories are true or not, but why not? It's just a weird thing to make up.

It's got these details. She's got to be quite the storyteller. Blowing the son of Sam, hooking up with Ronald DeFeo, stabbing people's eyes out. Who's Ronald DeFeo? Amityville Horror House guy. She said he was a real nut. Like the only one. Yeah.

She was like, no, but he was the craziest person she's ever met in prison because she was like, they would be talking to him. Like, you'd be like,

oh, hey, you know, Ronnie, whatever. How's your day? And she's like, you know,

for 10 years, whatever, as long as she was in prison. And he'd be like, oh, great. Like, you know,

I'm just really upset I didn't get to kill my grandma. I just want, I should have killed my grandma. That's it. But what do you, you know, how are you? Like that. I would I should have killed my grandma that's it but how are you I would say that constantly the story is like his grandma wasn't in the house

he killed his entire family but her I needed to kill her I'm not going to get the prize whatever he would say and then he died that's fucking awesome that was your big miss didn't get grandma but you know what Ronnie Ronnie? COVID did.

COVID's on her. Grandma's going to fall down the stairs soon. Don't worry. Yeah, man. So, yeah, that's been good, those characters in my life. And now, I mean, all due respect to Pete Davidson, but you are the king of Staten Island right now. I am. Well, I'll tell you what.

I may not be the king of Staten Island, but T.T. Jerry is certainly the queen. Because T.T. Jerry – it's funny because I live on a relatively private block-ish. So it was very funny to move in and not only come with, I mean, a team of Puerto Ricans behind me, but then one of them being a transgender ex-convict and just watch these white upper-class people be like, what is going on in that house? I mean, dude, when we were moving in, still kind of settling in. We won't live there for

a month, but I mean, dude, every morning Jasmine is in the garage blasting salsa music that you can hear from outside. I'm like, they so they've been very sweet to us and they are actually really great people, but I have to imagine that when they're at bed at night, they're like, what is happening at that fucking house? They're on fucking Zillow, man.

We got to find a new spot. They're like, there goes the neighborhood. Because the people who used to live there were like uppity, older-ish white people whose kids got old and they moved out. And now we've fucking repainted the house. Everything looks different. There's a big fucking Puerto Rican flag hanging in the front yard. Oh my god, dude. I mean it's like –

Painting the star on the lawn. I know. The first time we met the neighbors across the street, they were like, oh, hi. We're like, hi, I'm Chris. I'm Jasmine. He was like, yeah. They're like just like regular white people or whatever and then they were like – They're regular white racists.

Just regular white racists and they were like – they were like, know, moving in, talking about career stuff and all that stuff. I didn't even tell them I was in comedy. I was like, oh, I'm a singer. I work for myself. I'm self-employed. And they were like, yeah. And then Jasmine went in to like take the kids in and she was like – and he was like, what does your wife do? I was like, well, she's Italian.

But she's not. She's Puerto Rican. I was like, she's 100 percent Italian is what she does and what she is. She's a white woman. And then I told her – What does she do? She does white. Yeah, yeah's 100% Italian. That's what she does and what she is. She's a white woman. And then I told you. What does she do? She does white. Yeah, yeah.

I do white. No, but then I was just kidding. But then I was like, no, no. She's all Puerto Rican. They're like, oh, yeah. They're like, I used to have a friend whose friend's friend was Puerto Rican. But they don't come up this hill a lot. We don't let them on the porch, ever.

Now we live there. I know. It's funny. As soon as T.T. Jerry came out You just saw For sale For sale For sale

Just everywhere Right down the thing Property value is plummeting You bought a house for a million It's now worth $750 overnight You can say it about a million things But that's a TV show With that extreme character

The comedian comes With his kids His step kids His Puerto Rican wife His transgender uncle. And you know what's funny is the characters on Staten Island are – it's not like you're going to like Westchester, New York. It's like they're fucking as crazy in the other direction. They're fully, fully fucking crazy.

Staten Island is a weird place, bro. I went to a party and they said that like a little little party with a couple of neighbors all that and they were said at the restaurant that we were at that if you are vaccinated they don't want you there oh really they don't want vaccinated people there but there was one of those so it's like if you are a chicken pot party they do not come in here we don't want because they because their belief is that it gets in the air and they don't want it to get in them and then they'll get blood clots. So that's where I'm living. It's so crazy.

Oh, yeah. Why'd you go to Staten Island? Space. Yeah, space, property value. Also, it's like it's close enough to Brooklyn. It's kind of like if you're not familiar with the New York area, it's like an extended area of Brooklyn where you can actually get a house. I just wanted what I didn't grow up with, what Jasmine didn't grow up with. My kids all have their own bedrooms.

We got a pool. We got a backyard. We got a fireplace. I can park directly in front of my house. All these things that I didn't grow up with. Was that at the house where you took that fucking spill? Yes. That spill was.

That's one of the funniest spills I've ever seen. You're watching on YouTube. Run the clip. That's one of the funniest spills I've ever seen. You're watching it on YouTube. And then my neighbor across the street saw the entire thing. Because I fell. I fell. A woman, like a relatively hot woman, saw like the entire thing. She was waiting. I was walking to get my kid off the bus.

She was waiting for her kid to get off the bus. And then I just fucking ate it. And then when I fell, I go. And the way you fell. Oh, just like a sack of shit. Just ankles exploded. And then I go, I haven't way you fell oh it's like a sack of shit just ankles exploded and then I go I haven't fallen in a while you just said that no because I

was talking to her but on the camera I was I was like oh that's why I was like man I've been looking for that thing it was a piece of my daughter's bike but I was so and then it was one of those things where she was like are you okay I was like not really but I gotta put on a good face right now I just started talking about something else but it was like one of the only times in my

life that I can remember, or at least since I started comedy, I was like actually embarrassed because she saw the whole thing. And then I was like, you know, and then I ran back in after I got my daughter from school to like try to delete the footage and Jasmine was already recording it. She had saw the whole thing. I was like, fuck. She's like, she's going to make sure that hot girl down the block never looks at you. Never.

I know. So I posted, but how crazy is the world we live in now? I have a Vivint security system. It's called Vivint. Saw that video. And now they're like, hey, we want to work on some type of partnership deal with you. Absolutely. I was like, yes, because I ate it on your security camera.

It never came to fruition. But my piece of shit Hyundai fell apart on me. And I made a bunch of videos on Instagram. And then Hyundai was hitting up our sales team. We'll get them a replacement. We can maybe do a deal. What is cool about this life is pressure and haters and all sorts of weird shit. But you can turn

all of your bad into money, into material. Anytime something bad happens, I'm like, well, that's going to be funny. That's a nice thing. It's a nice feeling. It is so funny that Jazz caught that because my first thing would be like, I can't let my family member, significant other, whoever see this. Yeah.

But, like, it is way better to put it on someone like she saved you. Like, all right, you're not going to get to delete this because that would be – it's not something I'd instinctively put out because I'd want to hide it from people who are close to me. Right. But after the fact, you know. Oh, man. Just fucking ate it. I know, dude. And I'm telling you man it was and then yesterday

I mean it's not on camera I fell into a parked car so I've just been falling what are you like what are you I was like do I have some type of vertigo or some shit

degenerative you know degenerative brain thing early onset dementia it's my ankle just keeps I don't know why now it's just the tendons in my ankle

have completely given up now you're telling me Chrissy fucking physical therapy doesn't know what's happening here no because I've sprained my ankle so many times in my life that's the doctor had told me the cartilage when it grows back it grows back like 20 softer so it just keeps going so now it's like i just don't have any support like my feet are broken like if you could put your feet up like that my feet just fall in like that that's what it is but they're always pointing like they're about to go Into a high heel Yeah

Like permanent drop foot Yeah Permanent drop foot And I've been wearing These low top sneakers Those Air Max 270s Which I like They're comfortable

But my fucking ankle Just rolls Dude I live Those got that little cut out Yeah like an idiot I'm wearing them right now And then I fell That's terrible for your ankles

I was going to pick up My steps in there And I fell into a parkour On the car Beep Like it just like chirped Like the alarm kind of went off Just like We're not going to pick up my steps in there, and I fell into a parked car, and the car went beep. It just chirped. The alarm kind of went off. Just a fat ass bumped it.

We're not going to make a scene, but we saw it. So bad. Warning shot. Don't do it anymore. I fell down the stairs. I'm like, dude, walking. Because I've never had stairs. I've never had stairs in my house, so I'm getting used to it.

So I was going downstairs in socks. Jerry not knowing how to order. I don't know how to walk on stairs, and I've never had a house before. I've never had stairs. I've never used a stair in my life that I've never downstairs in socks. Jerry not knowing how to order. I don't know how to walk on stairs because I never had a house before. I've never had stairs. I've never used a stair in my life that I've never had in my house. I've never had to step onto anything in my life because I'm bored. Fuck you, Stefano. I was coming down the stairs in socks, kind of just going down the stairs.

And there was a security guy installing a new lock. And so my staircase goes right by my front door. And I fucking ate it, like, boop, boop, boop, like, head-hitting every step. And he just turns around. He so like my staircase goes right by my front door and I fucking ate it like every step and he just turns like, are you okay? I was like, yeah, you want water? He just continued to drill the lock. But I mean fully ate it like not like a

slip like back hit the thing and like every head. He didn't even care. Like he was like, are you all right, dude? I do that. I'd rather that than like, oh my god, are you okay? It's like, let me just wallow in this awful, embarrassing moment. I did that. I rented a house in Asbury Park for July this summer.

And I'm not used to bringing your trash out in trash days and shit like that. That's the whole thing, yeah. So at like 6 a.m., I heard the trash trucks on the street. And I had forgotten to put it out the week before, so I just had a ton of excess trash. So I jumped up, and I went to run down the stairs, and I was in my underwear and socks still, slipped down the whole thing like, but the trash guys were already there. So I was like, just hold up, please, hold up, please. And they just, like, two adult men just stood there waiting for me while I limped.

And the driveway was, like, a little longer than it needed to be, so it was like 45 seconds of me slowly trying to fix the trash. And these just actual men looking at you. It looked like such a pussy, a gimp pussy. If it was only 30 seconds away, it would have been fine, but it was the extra 15 where it was just like, all right, dude, you got to. You couldn't meet me halfway?

Dude! Were you hurt? I mean... I mean, I was in pain. I think it was an elastic injury. You slipped on socks. I slipped on socks down hardwood stairs. So now I have stairs... Oh, yeah, that's like being on ice, bro. Bro, so now I have stair shoes. So now I have a pair of shoes that I keep at the top of the stairs and the bottom

because I can't... No, my family is into doing that. You can trip over those things, you know. I know. Are you a hundred years old? Because if not... Do you have like a toilet seat that goes on top of the toilet seat so you can sit down on it?

A commode? A Chrissy commode. You know what we need? We need the fucking... The thing you sit on and it just goes up the steps. Yes, yeah. That's what I need. What's that thing called?

The fucking... Stair escalator. Stair escalator. So that... Because I've tripped you know like i fell fully aided for the security guy but then i've like a couple of times tripped down and my you know every all the bedrooms are upstairs so jasmine has been like i don't want you holding our four month old yeah it's a fault so you have to put stair shoes on to go up and down now that's

just the rule for me and my family i mean my kids are like ah you old piece of shit you know like my daddy can't carry you unless he puts on his special shoes. Yeah, loser. You are a fucking loser. Are they in a cubby or something? Because I'm concerned you're going to trip over that. No, no, no. It's like a little nook behind my staircase.

It's at the bottom. And then at the top, they're like a little bit off the side. And what are they, like cleats? What are we talking about? What do they look like? One of them, they're, I got them from, they were a podcast sponsor. I'm forgetting the name, which is bad. But they're like, they're – I got them from – they were a podcast sponsor. I'm forgetting the name, which is bad. But they're like – they're basically like Ugg shoes.

But they have – they're house shoes. But they have soles that grip at the bottom. You can either be like the biggest, oldest fucking loser in the world or house shoes is kind of like bougie, fancy, rich. I've got my house shoes. I've got house shoes in the winter. In the winter, I have house shoes. Yeah. I come home, I take off my shoes, put on LLB and slippers.

But those – yeah, okay. I just call them slippers. That's what house shoes are? Okay yeah i have i have like a shoe closet now that's how i felt like i've got a really nice house because it used to be in my apartment there's just a pile of shoes and coats because we don't have any space but now it's like i have a shoe like right when i walk in to the right there's a clot you put your jacket in the closet and you put your shoes in the closet which is great and also having floors like my house is like never a mess because the kids shit would always be i mean literally everywhere and now

that my basement is a disaster my basement it's interesting for me and jasmine to see because we said it the other day we're like this is how we used to live like our basement is a nightmare like we get claustrophobic going in there uh not claustrophobic it's relatively big but like we get like headaches like this is such a mess. Oh, no, no, no. That's the mold, Chris. Oh, yeah. That's the death mold. That is the mold.

I know, dude. I had a humidifier. I got a dehumidifier now. I got all these things due to sump pump. I didn't know how to do any of this. That's what I'm saying. I used to piss in the sump pump all the time. Kids are going to start doing that.

Why are you pissing the sump pump? Because I was hanging out downstairs. They were going upstairs to the bathroom. So you're just pissing the sump pump. I'm just pissing the sump pump. What does a sump pump do? I don't So you're just pissing the sump pump. I'm just pissing the sump pump. What does a sump pump do? I don't know. I think I would piss in a sump pump.

Pumps what water on top? Well, your basement's probably going to flood. Oh, so a sump pump is a preventative thing. Yeah. If you flood, you turn the sump pump on, which I don't know how to do. Correct. I believe so. It was just a whole lot of pissing.

John just had, it wasn't even a sump pump. There was just like a ditch in the corner. I just had – it wasn't even a sump pump. There was just like a ditch in the corner. I want to make sure I didn't get pregnant. We had a call yesterday on our show. This dude was high as a fucking kite. And he's like, somewhere along the way, I learned that piss kills semen. So if I ever like accidentally like blow in a girl, I'm just going to pee in there to

kill the cum. Is that true though? No! No! But John kind of believes it. I don't kind of believe it. It could be. His funny thing about it was, first of all, it kills bacteria, so I guess that's... I don't even know if it really does that.

I think it's just sterile. Girls are told, like, take a piss after sex because... But I think that just flushes it out. So that changes things. R. Kelly was just being, like, responsible. You know what I mean? When he was peeing on that girl, it was like, I'm just not trying to get her to have a baby. Yeah. But he was like, he was like, he could save a lot of money on abortions.

I was like, dude, do you think you can do this four months in? Yeah. Like, it's right. The pee is way stronger than plan b like it'll just yeah you just you just drop a piss well that's why that's like you know i had my first you know daughter because i thought and obviously i'm happy it all worked out but we have to there was like all the like this care we had to do while she was pregnant because of what happened i thought this is dumb i thought if you like you know i had sex with, came inside of her, and then she took a plan B, right?

So then I thought for the next 72 hours, nothing could get in. So we had sex so much and I was just laying lows inside of her. But that is not how it works at all. You take the plan B and then it prevents the one pregnancy. It doesn't just sit in your system like a defense shield for 72 hours. You have up to 72 hours for the plan B to work to knock the come out. Yeah. So I was like, so I just was lighting her.

I mean, living because I was like, this is 70. We paid 50 bucks. Right. This is the fun zone. And then nine months later, here's Delilah. I would 100% agree with you until right now. I'm learning this as we did. In my mind, you take the plan B and the pill goes in there and it opens up and then there's a wall or something.

That's in your system and good to go forever. I also used to think that, again, I guess because going to Catholic school, they don't teach you this stuff. I thought that a way you could get HIV or the way you got HIV was if I had sex with a girl unprotected and her chemistry mixed with my chemistry and it wasn't the right chemistry, that's how you get HIV. It wasn't that one of us had to have a virus. I thought you were mixing

birth HIV. That's genuinely what I thought. I'm not lying to you. I was about 19 years old. I thought I had HIV every time I had sex with a girl. My HIV is not my HIV. Talk about it. My understanding of HIV isn't much more of a...

When I first started at Barstool, I was 20 or 21, and I wrote an HIV blog that was out of pocket. Horrifically offensive. You came out your face. It was insanity. It was wildly ignorant.

I was joking, but it was... If I wrote that today, I'm in trouble. Big trouble. Let's fire it up. It was true. I really thought I... Nick, don't go looking for it. I'm looking right now. Tweet it at me and I will retweet it and be like, this is what I mean.

If I remember I think he touched them all I think he was like He thought you could catch retard You could catch gay You could catch AIDS Oh yeah When I was a kid

I used to run When we were at camp It was true I was like nine So I was fucking Yeah Hard-worded myself Yeah

But the like Yeah Me and my friend would run From the special needs kids Because we thought Like they were just sick And you could catch it Like I It was It special needs kids Because we thought they were just sick and you could catch it It makes sense

I just thought they were sick And I didn't want to get sick I was a child I'm 33 now I don't fucking run on the street I love that at 33 years old you decide to grow that mustache out. That's like smoking cigarettes too. He's smoking Marlboro 100s.

What's the reason for the mustache again? To be an asshole. Yeah. I mean it actually doesn't look bad if I'm being honest with you. I don't think it looks terrible. You should see what he does with it. Sometimes he – I said it looks like his mouth is a pussy

from the 70s that he's eating out. He licks... I only do it when I get food stuck in it. It's only three times a day. My mom and dad got divorced when I was a little kid, and then the next guy my mom dated had a handlebar mustache.

I remember my dad being vividly upset about that. Who is this guy? Talk about know the fuck with your kids she's like are you gonna i mean you'd like are you gonna marry this guy i mean should he be really be around our kid he's gotta hand the bar mustache is not i mean that's wild dude i mean i remember i would like take showers you know like he was a pretty significant boyfriend and his fucking mustache cream would be like in the shower in the bathroom. I know where we're going with that.

I would rub his mustache. I'm here to confess that I took showers with my mom's boyfriend, and I liked it. I don't know if you guys talked about this on the Kevin Clancy show or not, but I have told this story a million times. Your dinner with Cullen. Oh, yeah. We didn't talk about it. Yeah. First of all, no, it was not a dinner. It was dinner with Cohen. It was Chris. He was working

like a fucking peasant, like a slave. Like, dance for me, monkey. I've told this story so many times, like, I was at the table over. I witnessed all this. I didn't even hear it. That story, that day, I mean, first of all, here's what happened, is I get an email, I mean, first of all, so here's what happened is I get an email from a manager. It's like, hey, do you want to do like this private event?

Look at the money. I'm like, dude, it's great. Right, New York. I'll do it. Good. So then when we're like – Was it significantly more money? Like did they offer the money or do you give a quote?

Well, I'm sure there was dealings that my manager did. Before it gets to you it's like they kind of had negotiated once they send it to me it's like they feel like hey that's the best we could have done if you want to do so but it was pretty good it was it was in line maybe a little bit more than what i would normally get at a corporate gig it was good okay so and especially in new york kind of like if it's in new york it's like the price can change because i just i'll go do it come back whatever i could also just see the Coens. The reason I ask is the Coens would be like, $100,000?

There you go, whatever. It's a banana, Michael. First of all, I'll tell a story, but I wanted to say honestly, earnestly, truthfully, Steve Cohen and his family are the greatest people. I know if you're not a Mets fan or whatever you read about,

whatever, I'm telling you. Cohen's a good people. The way I know him and his family, they're like fucking next level, unbelievable people. You're like, dude, you own the Mets? Like, holy shit, you're like a regular guy. And mad funny and great family. I've become relatively close friends with his son, who's awesome, his wife, his daughters. They're great.

Truthfully. His wife, his daughters, they're great. And so, truthfully, so I do this gig. I didn't know it was for Steve Cohen until about a couple hours before, or maybe like a day before. No, it's for Steve Cohen. And they tell me, they say, listen, you cannot say that you're performing for Steve Cohen. Nothing about Steve Cohen. This is on the low, low.

If you don't know, Steve Cohen is a billionaire. The show Billions is based off of him. He owns the Mets. He's a hedge fund shark. Right. So you cannot, under any circumstances, say that you're doing a birthday party for Steve Cohen. It's his birthday. Doing comedy for his birthday party.

So I thought that was because they don't want paparazzi to show up or it was COVID or whatever. But I thought once the gig is over, I could say whatever the fuck I want about Steve Cohen. But I was wrong. So what happens, though, is that's later. So during the set, I get there. I have now prepared. Steve Cohen's got a Puerto Rican wife. Puerto Rican jokes.

I'm like, this is going to be great. The reason how I found out later how I was even found was his wife and daughter, who was Puerto Rican and half Puerto Rican, had seen some of my bits online. I'm like, this guy would be good for dad's birthday or for my husband's birthday. So I thought, you've got a Puerto Rican wife, Puerto Rican family. It's his birthday. His family's going to be there. I'm going to do all my Puerto Rican shit up top.

I know how to do this. 20 minutes now. The wife will be happy. Puerto Rican stuff. Get the one. You've got to get the one. And corporate gigs are, by the way, a nightmare.

Like people are always like, oh, just do comedy at my birthday party. They don't have a microphone. They don't have a stage. They don't have lights. It is a nightmare. Like music is different.

You can zone in and out of music and feel the vibe. If you literally miss one second of my joke, you've missed a joke and I will bomb. Everything has to be online for a comedy.

People don't understand that, but whatever. The money was good enough. I'm like, survive in advance, baby. It's like a March Madness. Get the money. that, but whatever. The money was good enough. I'm like, survive in advance, baby. It's like a March Madness. Get the money. Get the fuck out. You got to buy windows. Your girlfriend wants...

Yeah, she wants the carpets ripped up for no reason. So I go, fucking why not? Let's add another show. My 11th show in the 80s. Let's do it. So I go in there and and, I mean, it's a terrifying room. It's a table in a restaurant upstairs outside.

So now I'm dealing with New York City traffic, outdoors, full daylight. It's like 6 o'clock in the summer, so nothing good. Then it's 10 guys. It's not his wife and family. It's literally his birthday gift from his wife was go have a night with the guys. And it's not just guys. It's not guys. It's other hedge fund billionaires.

It's Tommy Mottola, who owns the record company Mariah Carey's ex-husband. Not Motorola phones, which Chris thought. Which I thought he owned Motorola phones. It's another team owner. I'm escaping right now. The guy who owns the Jaguars. Oh, Khan? I think that guy was there. And then other big, you know, all the heads of the Mets, you know, the top brass in the Mets and one MLB guy.

So big money there. I mean, everybody collects. I mean, Steve Cohen probably is still the richest, I would imagine. But I mean, they're all multi-millionaires, billionaires, big, big money. But 10 guys. So you got to understand, if you're at a, think about you or you're a multi-billionaire with 10 guys, you either, if it's going to be comedy, it needs to be Jerry Seinfeld or just strippers.

Just get prostitutes in here. Let's fucking be serious. Do the billionaire stuff. Let's get toots and cocaine. mean we are we're billionaires the last thing i want to see is a 37 year old comedian i've never heard of that my son kind of thinks it's funny because he's also in the closet so it's like you know like so like i don't need that i don't need this asshole coming up here no microphone no introduction the guy introduced me i think his name was ned or ted he introduced he was like works for steve cohen he goes hey we got a surprise mr cohen mr cohen

you know like the food had just come out which we i told him a hundred times let them eat the food get the drinks even have dessert then i'll go on they bring me out during the first course no drinks no dessert nothing it's just me and I mean, you know, thousands of dollars worth of beautiful meats and food and all that. The food gets served. Like, hey, we have a surprise. We thought it'd be funny to have some comedy. I swear to God, he goes, here's Chris DiLoppo. That's what he

said in my last name was DiLoppo. It's just F&L. He goes, here's Chris DiLoppo. It's not even close. I know, DiLoppo. I was like, what is DiLoppo? So I go, now there's no microphone nothing it's a table like this if you'd imagine and i'm standing at the edge of it so all you guys are looking at me steve cohen is sitting this way so now he has to put his food down and turn around and i go hey you know my name is chris di stefano not chris dilapo like

i'm a comedian i'm gonna be doing some time i like, you know, I just tried to joke around. I was like, I told them that it needs to be dark out and go after dessert or whatever I said. I was like, but obviously that didn't happen, so whatever. And then Steve Cohen, I think I did one joke that fucking – I genuinely don't remember. I would have no problem telling it, but I forgot what I said, but it was like, eh? Steve Cohen turns around. He goes, how long did they tell you to do? I said about 30 minutes.

He goes, I'll pay you double if you do 10. I was like, wow. Steve Cohen turns around. He goes, how long did they tell you to do? I said, about 30 minutes. He goes, I'll pay you double if you do 10. I was like, wow. Like, just like that. He goes, I'll pay you double if you do 10. He goes, but in those 10 minutes, you have to make me laugh. I said, fine. So then I said, you know what? Forget the set.

I'm just going at these guys. And then I just started fucking ripping guys. I mean, things I would never do, but I knew that would make billionaires laugh. Ripping guys for being fat and bald. One guy looked like he had fucking cancer. I just ripped him on that. I was teabagging some guy.

What? Yeah. Balls out? No, no, no, not balls out because I was standing so close to him because I was just fucking my nuts were on your shoulders. Like, I know you like it, you know? Like, shit like that.

Like, just kind of almost borderline hack because I was like, I just got to make steve cohen laugh and then i know started to giggle started giggle and then i was like oh and then the biggest laugh of the night though was i said to tommy uh mottola i said um i said i said oh look at you you know mr mottola i said i said i used to have uh i said i used to have i used to love um mariah carey uh when i was a kid yeah and he goes i bet you used to love cock as a kid too I was a kid. His ex-wife. Yeah, and he goes, I bet you used to love cock as a kid too. And I was like, I still do.

You know, like big laugh, whatever. Then somebody, they got crab cakes came out, and it was an accident, but it didn't look like an accident. Somebody was eating crab cakes. Oh, it was an accident? Well, I mean, I felt it probably. Listen, in hindsight, after speaking to them, they said it was, but I don't really think it was. I was fucking in the middle of a joke, and I just got a fucking crab cake right to the chest. And I was like, oh, my God.

Bro, no one accidentally hit someone in the chest with a crab cake. Right in the numbers, Chris. Right in the fucking numbers. I know. And then I go, and then I was like, slippery little suckers like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. Fucking, and then, I mean, bombing, bombing, bombing. Steve Cohen, and by the way, during the middle of the set, again, the smallest, the smallest distraction ruins the set. Steve Cohen, the owner of the Mets, had the Mets game on during the show,

and they were getting fucking blasted by the Rockies, and he was yelling at the team, bring in the relievers! Bring in the relievers! Like that, just screaming at the TV. And as I'm trying to back, I was on the subway! Just a fucking loser. But Struthers were it. Gave me the more money.

Gave me the restaurant we did. Estreski's, Platoon, Petroon, great steakhouse in the city. Gave me free meals to come in any time. I obviously, you know know my standards i was like i i will say this i was proud of myself for i i not even proud of myself i know that like i'm a quote-unquote professional comedian because it's like i it is that was like level 10 like when you put the hard on a video game like that's what that was you know it's like that you cannot you have to have real experience to even get through that because it was insane.

So the fact that I even got to the finish line, I'm like, okay. If you can do that, you can do anything. I feel like if I can do that, I can do anything. So then I go on my Hey Babe podcast with Sal Valcano the next day and tell the story and really fucking tell it. Names, this, that. All of a sudden, I wake up. I was in it.

And then I had to go to la the next day i get not 10 maybe 20 missed calls from my manager like serious serious shit and i'm like uh-oh spaghetti oh so he's like call me call me call me like that he goes take down hey babe take down hey babe and i was like what the fuck i don't know because the thing is when i do podcasts as i'm sure when you guys do your podcasts or radio stuff i don't remember 99% of the things I say. When we wrap up, they go, what do you want for promotional clips? I'm like, I don't remember anything we just said. Dude. Right on the spot.

One of my closest friends in the world, I've been for 20 years, hasn't talked to me for a month or two because he came to one of my shows. And I did a podcast the day before saying I hate when my fucking friends come to my shows. And he's like, that was mean. So now he won't talk to me. And I'm like, dude, I don't remember saying that. I don't even know. I was probably trying to bit. And then I just got sidetracked.

I texted him. He said something about JoJo Siwa the other day. And he goes, that was on my Patreon episode, though, right? And I was like, oh, no, no, no. It was on the regular one. He goes, oh, OK. I said something wildly offensive. And then I texted Pimp.

I was like, did you delete that part out? And he just went, I just sent back that emoji. It was funny as fuck. Yeah, but I was like, did you delete that part out? And he just went – just sent back that emoji like – It was funny as fuck. Yeah, but I was like, oh, whatever. So I go on the podcast. I call my manager. I said, what happened? He goes, dude, you mentioned Steve Cohen and the party and all that stuff.

Like they want to like sue you. Like this is a major – who's like they want to like sue you like this is a major who's like they here's what happens i i said to um to to them i said what are you talking about they said steve cohen's people are like wildly upset so then i go oh my god what to do as i'm like you know i i texted pimp what can we do and as i'm waiting for him to like get back to me because i was on la time i was scrolling my dms and my emails i had an email from steve cohen's wife shout out alex cohen who was like we loved it my husband's been singing your praises we want to invite you to a game you have a new fan in us oh my god he loved it he said you were great blah blah blah then steve cohen's son dms me steve Steve Cohen's daughter DMs me. All DM me

through the course of the night or that day before. We're like, we loved it. Our dad loves you. Please, where can we see more of you? Blah, blah, blah. So I just screenshot all that and send that to my manager. I'm like, what are you talking about? It was like his people and lawyers who don't know. So once

I sent that, they're like, okay, no problem. Because I was like, yeah, the head guy has said it's all fine. And then it's become like a thing. We went to the games. I threw out the first pitch at the Mets game. Dude, you're going to do that comedic relief thing, right? The comedic, dude, which was, I was like, honestly, man, that's hilarious. He wants to do a thing where two comedians tell jokes

while the Mets relievers are warming, are like coming on, warming up, calling it comedic relief where I'm just up there telling jokes then he had me go because here's the thing with Steve Cohen is you know again billionaire great guy you know there's always stakes with him so he goes I bet you can't make a crowd it was a rain delay at one of the games he goes I bet you can't make people laugh I'll put you on the

jumbotron and do stand up I was like I do not want to do these are the guys when you hear about like Jordan, Benton, Barkley about like which pigeon's gonna fucking fly off the ledge first. Because these guys always need the juice. I was like, Mr. Cohen, with all due respect, I'd rather do ten of your hell birthday gigs butt naked than go out right now with all my jokes and perform for people in a rain delay at Citi Field. I'd rather put on the Jumbotron and you take your shirt off or something. He wanted you to do a set at the a rain delay at Citi Field. I thought he meant like put on the Jumbotron and you like take your shirt off or something.

He wanted you to do a set at the fucking rain delay? No, no, I did a fifth. You did it? I did 10 minutes of, but I did it where the girl, I put it on my Instagram where the girl, dude, first of all, I have Jumbotron stories.

Nobody, nobody, I will challenge anybody on this and please, if you're hearing this and you've been on the Jumbotron, write in, I will challenge, nobody has been embarrassed more on a Jumbotron than me. Dude, this is not the first go-around for me being wildly embarrassed on a Jumbotron. So this one, I go up there. Now I have to tell jokes to people in the rain.

They're like, who is this? I was wearing this multicolored, weird-looking shirt. Mets fans who hate everything. Hate everything. Like, look at this fucking loser in this shirt that's going to give me and my kids heat. You're a Mets guy or a Yankees guy? Yankees guy. That's what I thought.

Okay. So I go up there. Again, the woman introducing me was like the normal Mets on-field broadcaster. Doesn't really know my name. She's like, Chris. And then on camera, the camera's rolling. She goes, what is it again? But the audience can hear that louder.

Bravo. Like, what is it again? I was like, DeStef audience can hear that loud. It's like, what is it again? I was like, DiStefano. This is all impromptu. Like, this was never planned. You weren't supposed to do any performance. So I, and this wasn't televised. This wasn't televised at all, but this was like when all the Cuomo stuff was going on, so I just, I just took a swing, I just opened

the show, I go, actually, because she didn't know my last name, and she said, like, DiStriki or something like that. I was like, actually, my last name's DiStefano. I was like, you know, I'm not perverted. I'm just Italian. And that had happened like the day before. So I heard like an audible pop. I was like, oh, shit.

And then, but that was a problem because then I was like, I got him. And then I started doing material and just. So then I started coming. And is this for like the stadium? The entire stadium. I think I posted some of it or some of my friends posted some of it. I have. I could show you guys.

It literally – and you guys can post it if you want. And where are you standing? In the suite? No, in the fucking broadcast booth. But it's getting played onto the Jumbotron. And then did I ever tell you my – so that was like wildly embarrassing. But Steve Cohen, the thing about Steve is he's like, oh, you got balls. So that's all it is.

He's going to say. It's about balls. You got to do it. So he's like, oh, you're in. So such a fun time with them. And then we went over. you got balls. So that's all it is. These guys, it's about balls. So he's like, ah, you're in, you know? So, so, so such a fun time with them.

And then, you know, we've went over, we've, we've, we've, we've eaten with them. We go to the games and just great.

But that, and so that was like, I was like, you know, after getting off that moment, I was like, that's still not the worst thing that's happening on a Jumbotron. So this is a Nick and this is on my Instagram.

I know it is. So about four years ago, five years ago, when I had no – I have no business being on a Jumbotron now. Imagine five years ago. That's not true. Debatable. Maybe in like Long Island. Maybe you could put me on the Jumbotron for like a second at an Islanders game. I'm like, okay, I deserve that.

But other than that, it's like, no, dude, at MSG? Stop. So these are for like supposed to be big guys. But I knew – had hosted a show. I'm sorry. I had acted in a show called Benders. It was like a hockey show about like a minor league hockey, a rec league hockey team. And the Islanders and Rangers had like sponsored it.

So with that, I got access to like their big PR people. And they were like, hey, you want to come to a game? Like you come to a game like with your dad, sit courtside. You know, great. I was like, hey, you want to come to a game? Like you come to a game like with your dad, sit courtside. You know, great. I was like, yeah, fucking hell yeah, dude. But when you sit courtside and you go to this PR guy, they put you up on the Jumbotron. This show Benders, which got canceled after one season. I mean nobody watched this show.

I didn't have a podcast. I didn't have anything. I was like on guy code a little bit, whatever. I'm sitting there with my dad and I didn't know anything about the Jumbotron. I had no idea at all about the jumbotron i had no idea at all about the jumbotron and that was gonna happen to me we're sitting down and you know people going up whatever and then for the i've never seen this for the jumbotron to put someone in the jumbotron they turn the lights down at a time out and you hear do do do do do phil collins

up on the jumbotron place goes goes insane. Like, I can feel it. Come. And he stands up, waves. They're like, congratulate. You know, Phil, I think he's just been ducked into, like, the rock and roll. He's got some big award. They're like, congratulations, Phil Collins. And he's sitting, like, legitimately right next to my dad.

We didn't even know that that was Phil Collins because, like, I know who Phil Collins is, but he was just, like, eating Easter egg candy. You're not expecting it. I didn't realize that was Phil Collins. Me and my dad was like, and my dad doesn't even know who that is. He was like, he was the guy from Aerosmith.

I was like, that's, okay. I swear to God, my dad really, for real said that. And then literally, so the camera crew comes up,

they put the cameras down, lights go back on, I'm like, oh, it's fucking pretty cool. Then I was looking at my phone, you know, fucking looking at my phone

and then I see their shoes stop in front of me and I was like, what's, I look up and I was like, I look up, and I was like, what's going on? And he goes, oh, Chris, how do you say your last name? I was like, DiStefano.

I was like, Chris DiStefano? This very phonetic last name gets you in a lot of trouble. I was like, they were like, all right, you're going up next. And I was like, excuse me? Going up next where? They were like, on the Jumbotron. I was like, no, no, no, no. I was like, they were like, all right, you're going up next. And I was like, excuse me? Going up next where? They were like, on the Jumbotron. I was like, no, no, no, no.

I was like, it's totally fine. And then literally I hear the theme song to Benders, come on, and it's one scene of me getting checked into the boards with my helmet fucking this way. They go, please walk in Matt's rear garden. Chris DiStefano, I'm not lying to you. Seconds before, 18,000 people on their feet clapping as if the Rangers scored the game-winning goal in overtime to win the Stanley Cup. People were losing their minds.

Pin drop fucking silence. For me, I'm on the jumbotron waving. I literally look like I had special needs waving like that. And at the last moment, you just see my father's hand come to the screen and slowly rub my back. And he's just rubbing my back as if to say, this is all going to be over soon, son. It's all going to be over soon. And dude, fucking embarrassing.

I swear to God, it's not even a bit. I swear to God. As like the camera was coming down and lights were going down, somebody from, it felt like Section 300 goes, who the fuck was that? And then that got a pretty big laugh from down by me and then tracy morgan who didn't go on the jumbo train interesting trace because i guess he he was like he was like man that was one of the worst ones i ever seen bro i swear to god he was sitting like two rows he goes that was one of the worst ones i ever seen bro he goes you a comic i

never heard of you i was like i was like I want ice cream. Phil Collins is like the perfect person for that story. To go right before. It's so perfect. The drums. Literally. And I was like, I couldn't. I was having so much fun.

And I mean, dude, brutal. That was like the second quarter. Me and my father left at halftime. I couldn't. My dad understood. He was like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I get it. We gotta get out of here. My dad was like, this is bad, dude. You know? Who the fuck was that? Dude, and then one time

I played in the MLB celebrity softball game, and I went like 0 for 3 at the plate, and we went on a bump. My dad came with me and we took a bus, like a little bus like three blocks from the stadium back to our hotel. I like popped up to the catcher, struck out in a softball game and then grounded out to like the pitcher who was like a girl that was like mauled by a tiger. It was like some like.

What? She like. It was brutal. I was like, just fucking embarrass myself. And then literally, I swear to God, on the bus my dad ricky henderson ozzy smith and andre dawson the hawk were berating me for three blocks my dad was like i'm embarrassed his name's on the back of the jersey making i mean ozzy smith was killing me he was like man you embarrass your daddy and then i literally woke up i woke up the next morning like i was

kind of like a little pissed i was like i I mean, come on. This is so embarrassing. And speaking of that, this is just my luck. 45,000 people, Target Field, Minnesota. At the time, this is who it was in a row. A guy who had got both his legs

blown off in Iraq. Adrian Peterson and me going, one, two, three, for the introduction. Guy gets his leg blown off in Iraq. Adrian Peterson and me going one, two, three for the introductions. Guy gets his leg blown off. People are crying American flag. Adrian Peterson, star running back of the Vikings at that time. And then me. Just a full fucking zero again.

I mean, I'm talking about that's why when people are like, are you afraid to bomb? It's like, you don't know what I've went through. Have you ever had 45,000 people be like, who the fuck are fuck are you literally i mean bin laden would have got a bigger pot you know and i was just like i'm done and then over three and then they're just berating and then i wake up the next morning because my dad and i you know we shared a room wake up i'm like where the hell's my dad like i checked the bathroom i was like text him no him, no response. I go downstairs. My dad's with Ozzy Smith getting coffee. My stepmother texted him pictures, like baby pictures of me, and they're just making fun of my head size.

I swear to God. His head's so big. And I was like, am I in like a sitcom, like America's Funniest Home Videos? So Ozzy Smith just ripping me because of how big my fucking head looked. And my dad was like, we used to think you had a tumor. I swear to God. And then I was like, we used to think he had a tumor. I swear to God. And then I was like, what the fuck, man? But then it was pretty cool to like sit down and have like a croissant with Ozzy Smith.

Then my dad, I remember my dad asked him, he was like, how did you like baseball all those years? He was like, I don't know, man. He was like, I pretty much, you know, I just did it. He's like, it's pretty fucking easy for me. That's what he said. He was like, it was pretty easy, man. I was like, wow. Wow. I don't really like it. I just do it. He's like, it's pretty fucking easy for me. That's what he said. He was like, it was pretty easy, man. I was like, wow.

Wow. He's like, I don't really like it. I just do it. Yeah. I feel like there are a significant amount of athletes like that. Where it's like, I don't like this sport. In Massachusetts, Chris Herron, he talks about how he just thought he was supposed to do it. Because he was so good at it.

He never even liked it. And on a much smaller scale, I got a buddy who played college hockey. Threw his skates away right after the last game. He's like, I've never touched another game. There's a baseball player, Anthony Rendon, who in his career scale, I got a buddy who played college hockey, threw his skates away right after the last game. He's like, I'm never touching another game. There's a baseball player, Anthony Rendon, who in his career said, I hate baseball. And then he signed a $100 million contract. It just happens. It's like, I'm just good at this, but it fucking sucks.

I did a gig once in Washington, D.C. This was before he got, quote, unquote 1%, like the 1%ers or whatever, like in this really bougie venue in Washington, D.C. for all like politicians or whatever. And the Kevin Spacey Foundation, they were doing something, but they wanted a comedian to open. I got chosen or my agent, whatever.

So I did 10 Minutes Up Front. It actually didn't go that bad, but Cal Ripken was a part of that foundation at that time. And Cal Ripken, I go on and I come back and Cal Ripken goes, I don't know how you just did that, man. I was like, you're Cal Ripken Jr. I was like, you're like a Hall of Famer. He goes, honestly, he goes, however nervous you just were, he goes, I guarantee you, I would be 10,000 times more nervous doing stand-up than ever playing baseball. Dude, there's way less of you guys than baseball players. There's a lot of fucking baseball players.

I mean, relatively speaking. Not Cal Ripken level. No, but's way less of you guys than baseball players. There's a lot of fucking baseball players. I mean, relatively speaking. Not Cal Ripken level. No, but you know what I mean? There's a lot of guys who play ball, and there's like, you know, right now there's like, of course there's a ton of comics, but there's like a handful of good ones. I mean, it is comparable. It's like athletes and comics I think are comparable, and I think most people in general find the public speaking.

It's like the professional sports, most people are like, I just can't do that. Whereas like I could physically get on a stage and try to make people laugh, but I'm not fucking doing that. Yeah. That is a crippling fear. I know. You guys are masters of. And it kept getting shot down because I guess maybe the idea is like not original enough,

but I wanted to do a show once where like a comedian, an athlete, like let's say somebody fun, like Noah Syndergaard. Like Noah Syndergaard comes and does stand up. I teach him how to do stand up and then he teaches me how to pitch. You know what I mean? And something like that and see like who can get like

more laughs or more strikes whatever it is but I just kept getting shot down because I'm Chrissy fucking Pilots. The one show I got

in the air I absolutely hate. Backyard Bar Wars hashtag BBW True TV. Season two. Season two? I'm not doing it.

Why do you hate it? I just fucking because no I don't it's just because I'm not doing it why do you hate it I just fucking because no I don't it's just because I don't hate it I just openly says this

every show I go true TV must be like can you stop well they kept saying to stop calling it BBW they were like

that means something else I was like I didn't even realize that's what's fucking gonna work that's why it's funny I think because like you know the podcast internet stuff it's like you can just be free and all that. And TruTV, even though, like, you know, the showrunner, he did a really good job, I think, of, like, letting as many edgy jokes fly as possible.

There's still just a degree of, like, oh, fucking look at my drill. That you have to do. Like, ooh, you know. We get that here now. We have, like, some, like, more professional shoots. And I'm sure it's not even to the level that you have to deal with. But it's still like, I can't say that. Can you redo that shoot?

No. I didn't even fucking say anything. Yeah, I want to say it like that. But no, it's just like a bit that I just shit on the show. They're probably not funny. I don't think they think it's a bit. I mean, as soon as they offer me the contract for season two, I'll immediately take it. I mean, immediately.

I'm in. So, yeah. I love it, babe. I mean immediately. I'm in. You know. So yeah. But. I love it, babe. We're going to go. Before you go, we're just going to answer the internet real quick. Let's see what we're answering the internet. So, you know, Chrissy D.

He's got Bab. He's got Hey Babe. He's got Chrissy Chaos. Yes, sir. Chrissy Comedy. See him on the road. BPW too. BPW season two.

ChrissyComedy.com. Nobody better than you, babe. Patreon.com. Yep. That's it, baby. Thank you for having me alright the best of the business

that Cullen story is unbelievable every story Chris has is unbelievable but he is he's fantastic I love him to death he took this place

over for 3 straight hours the entire time I was sitting there like I'm so impressed when you guys do that whenever we have that

heart of a day it's good to see we're not going crazy doing this. Like, other people are fucking doing this. DeStefano does it. He's smart. He does it, like, once every month. Yeah.

Yeah, we do it, like, twice a week. It's tiring. But now time to talk to Jon Bernthal, Jon Polono. Polono is a fucking New Hampshire guy. He's from Lancaster. He is... This movie, I honestly, I very highly recommend it. I really liked it.

It's highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes. It's quick. It's an hour and a half. It's a small engine repair. It's fucking... It's good. And I'm a diehard John Bernthal fan. I think he's the fucking man.

And I think that even more after this interview. So, Bernthal, Polono, here you go. We've been fucking waiting, man. We've been fucking waiting. What's up, brother? How we doing? He ain't been waiting. Have you been waiting?

No. At least two whole minutes. I literally, like, my fucking kooky gets so tight every time I jump on a Zoom, man. I feel like I'm going to fuck it all up, man. I've been on them all day today, too, man, doing these interviews. I'm like, of course, this is the one I fuck up, man'm like of course you want to fuck up man apology it's all good man it's all good let's dive into it because i was just uh i was asking about how long you two guys have known each other and he said you know you met 10 years ago doing the play version of a small engine repair and then you kind of clicked and

and you've been hanging out ever since and i was i think i would imagine in your industry when you find another guy or girl who's just like normal and you're just like you know i can fuck with this guy you know like it clicks and it's just like in an industry full of fucking weirdos and snakes all that shit it's like all right this guy's just normal yeah no that was definitely that was definitely the case with us man man. It's fucking good. No, it is, man. There's some real... He's a fucking weirdo.

He's in the backyard right now. His wife doesn't talk to him. Maybe normal. He ain't fucking normal. Who are you calling normal, bro? I was going to say, he just moved a random broom. I did. I had a broom. That was in the back.

I don't know why that's an odd thing, but it is. He's got the broom, and I just learned that you broke your nose fucking 14 times. So maybe neither of you idiots are normal. I don't know. I was just a very bad boxer, man. I will say, like, you know, when I met John, it was at a point in my life, you know, I, shit, I guess I was engaged. You know, like, I was just, I got into a lot of trouble in 2009. I got in really big fucking trouble.

And I kind of had a life of, like, making terrible mistakes and a lot of terrible mistakes. And I kind of met him. I was being sued by a guy who was trying to steal my dog. And I ended up hitting a guy. He got real hurt. And he ended up, he saw my poster. I was on a poster for Night at the Museum at the time. The guy saw it, figured I was an actor with a lot of money. He was suing me for a lot of money. And I was really in the process of trying to kind of clean up my life. I quit drinking. I got engaged to my girlfriend a long time.

She's now my wife. We got three kids together. But it was right sort of at that time when John kind of came into my life and this project came into my life. And one of the first things he did is he gave me this book called Townie, which is all about this guy, this relationship to violence and kind of like growth and getting out of a lot of shit. And, you know, seeing John and him being a dad and a husband and sort of like you said, just a real genuine blue collar guy in a profession where that's kind of

hard to find at times, we connected immediately. And I was so fucking taken away by, I'm just so taken with his work, with how good this script was and um you know that play this teeny little humble play in a 40 seat theater in the middle of nowhere in la at like a 10 30 show it was like exactly what i needed and and exactly and it was the beginning of something that was so truthful and honest so to kind of carry that through over over 10 years of friendship has been been really beautiful and and a real gift it is it does look like so i i watched it this morning bought it with my own money no big deal if you guys want to reimburse me six bucks but the uh i watched the

trailer and uh and i was like oh i was all in on the first half of it because the first half is it seems almost like you know just boys getting back together, a little brotherhood. I was like, fuck yeah. I told John earlier that I'm from the area. I'm from New England, so I could relate to everyone pretty easily because, like I said, we're all scumbags. Then it takes a stark turn the second half of the trailer. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm really, really in.

I think that's hard to do. Tell two separate stories almost in one story. I thought you guys fucking nailed that. I thought it was so in. And I think that's hard to do. Like, tell two separate stories almost in one story. And I thought you guys fucking nailed that. I thought it was so good. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. That was the bones of the play, which, like, to John, what John's saying is, you know, it was a late-night thing,

so you got to keep people up. And a lot of people show up drinking and, you know, wanting to be engaged. They want their buttons pushed. And we kind of strangled them. You know, it's a master scene. The play is, like like the lights come up. And, like, you can't leave unless you walk across the stage.

So you're fucked. You're a hostage. And, you know, you're there, and people are starting to get comfortable being like, what's going on? And then, you know, people of all stripes starting to be, like, comfortable in that shop, and then it twists. And it was just really fun to do in person. And, obviously, we tried to take the DNA of that in the movie.

You know what I mean? Sorry, is that why you're having to hold people in their seats? Is that why you wrote so much ass and dick into the movie? I think we see John's ass, we see Shay's ass, we see Shay's piece, which is a nice piece, apparently. You don't often see dick. You don't get to see many pieces out there. I appreciate a good piece.

Can you imagine on stage? Can you imagine that? That was in a little tea black box. It was literally like bumping people in the chin when he whipped it out on the stage. Was it something that was, so you said you performed it for 40 people. Was it something that you've done? Did it have a run

as a play? Yeah, no. It was a huge hit in LA. It went from that 40-seat house, it went to a 100-seat house, and then it transferred again, ran for almost a year, and then it transferred to New York.

It's actually, the play's been done all over the world at this point, usually smaller, edgier theaters. But the LA one, which we started, to your point, was like, this is going to be fucked up, we're really going to be pushing very provocative. We didn't know how people would react.

And it really got embraced by especially the theater community, like the artistic community, saw the artistic merits in it, not just sort of the provocative. What's a better feeling or a bigger accomplishment or however you want to call it, making it into a film like this or the fact that it's been done all over the world from other theater companies, like you said? Well, I mean, look, I mean, the movie is like, you know, I realize this is a really good question because the other day it occurred to me that, look, when you do a play, you're getting a feedback loop from the audience. I mean, there's nothing like that.

It's like playing live music. It's incredible. And when we made the movie, you know, we never really had that experience because COVID hit and, like, we couldn't do the festivals. They were, you know, we never really had that experience because COVID hit and like we couldn't do the festivals. They were, you know, yeah, they were shuttered. But I realized it kind of hit me the other day that I was like the pinnacle moment for the movie to me was making it was being on set with these guys. And me and John, like every night at the end of the day, there was no trailers. We're just working our asses off and we'll be walking away at the end of the day.

We're like, I just can't fucking believe they let us make this movie yeah like yeah we're doing this you know what i mean and that was like the peak and you know i've seen it we've seen it with some a couple of audiences but you know it's really really hard now given what everything that's going on so john is it is it your dog in the movie it is man i know it, Boss, he's a legendary dog, man. I mean, like, I know a lot of people talk about it, but, like, that dog is literally. So when we were doing the play 10 years ago, that dog was backstage for every rehearsal and every performance. He was there. Then 10 years later, he was dying, literally, at cancer.

They had given him two weeks to live for like two years he just kept on going and john's dream was always we gotta have boss we gotta have boss in the movie and um i had this uh little pit bull at the time named bam bam so bam bam plays boss in the flashback scenes and so yeah man he he was on set like he was really the most coddled member of set like he'd be in a little warming car we're all freezing our tits off that's a great story yeah boss uh he's very much you know the dna of that thing man a super special dog and he definitely touched everybody now i know i'm sorry we ended up dedicating the movie we had dedicated the movie to boss if you watch the because he really was to the soul of the whole thing.

And, you know, he died soon after we wrapped. It's like he was waiting, you know, like he was hanging on to do the feature film, right? It really felt like that. Like, no bullshit. You know, it felt like that. And, you know, man, the truth is, is like, we had this great dialect coach, Tim Monick, who I've worked with before and is a good friend of John's. I mean, look, this is one of those movies where you call in a bunch of favors and that guy's one of them.

You know, look, I'll tell him, man, you work with Bernthal and, you know, you you love the guy. And the people who love him really love him and are like, hey, whatever you need, because that's what he does for them. So you caught like our stunt coordinators were all guys from the punisher like marvel guys like you know our makeup lady was from the punisher i mean rachel i mean like all these great people that know john and they know his brand and they're like well they read the script and they're like this could be a lot of fun if bernthal is on board so you get it but the accents for me it was like what they always get wrong and you know this is everyone does the goodwill hunting accent they do the south boston thing this is everyone does the goodwill hunting accent they

do the south boston thing which is a great accent but it's so like brooklyn is not all in new york and then you know my family and my experience is you can have people grow up a block away and have different accents like you're my sister my my sister has a different accent than i do you know what i mean so we really wanted to kind of fuck with all that which which was cool and obviously john who like all this kidding aside works his absolute ass off to get that authenticity you know what i mean and and uh everybody really and tim is like you know if you've never worked with a dialect coach or seen how they work it's really kind of amazing how they break up the language phonetically and regionally and all that shit it's it's very interesting like yeah relearning a language

almost in a way to like be able to just make it second nature, right? Yeah, because you've got to throw it away. You know what I mean? You've got to not be self-conscious about it. What's more nerve-wracking? I feel like doing the play on stage, trying to nail the accent, trying to do everything in front of those 40 people,

for me, would be way more nerve-wracking than trying to film this movie. How did you feel about that? What's more pressure? I don't know. not to sound like a cheese dick but i i just feel like at this point it's like you gotta look for things that scare you you gotta look for you know it's like i i try to run to that shit i mean there's nothing like doing it on stage there's nothing it's an athletic endeavor there's no second takes there's nowhere to hide if you fuck up you fuck up, you fuck up and you got to keep going. I think that's great, man. I mean,

there was a night when we were doing that play where, you know, there was a show that went on before us and then, you know, their audience would leave and our audience would come in and our play starts and literally four seconds into the play, the power goes out in the entire theater. I mean, the fucking power's out right. And anywhere else, if you're on an airplane and the power goes out guess what you don't fly you know what i mean the power goes out like you got to go eat somewhere else but theater people are so

freaking it's like the show must go on yeah four seconds it so we gotta we come in with flashlights and we're like pretending that there is a power outage in the community you know what i mean and these poor people there's like seven people in the audience they're like i gotta sit through this bullshit in the dark the show must go on but there's something there's something so great about that there's something uh there's something about the live theater that's so immediate i i say that's where the big boys play in this thing you know what's cool is halfway through that show the whole audience turned on the lights on their phones and they're shining and it was like a very communal thing it was a terrible show it was awful because shit was breaking you're on it people are laughing at dumb shit

how awful is is bombing a play because you know like comics they'll eat shit and and you know you get through your set and you're like well that was trash or you know you film something and it's it's it's poorly received by the audience but you're not right then and set and you're like, well, that was trash, or you film something and it's poorly received by the audience but you're not right then and there, when you're just eating shit on a play and it's like, oh, my God, we haven't even made it to our music. You know what, man? It's interesting. In material like this, which you'll have nights

where people are laughing their asses off, and then you'll do the same shit the next night with just as big of an audience and there's no laughter. You can't judge the audience because sometimes people, especially material like this, which operates dramatically in humor. Sometimes people are like, I didn't want to laugh at that shit.

I didn't want people to judge me or whatever. And they just listen, you know, you audiences are all different and you can't really relate that. But as the performer, it's really hard because you get that opening night explosion and people are laughing and you're like teeing up the joke because you know how good it is and then it's like crickets and you're like fuck it yeah just throw it away it can throw you but you really have to i mean to

me it's like you just have to ignore them sometimes i hate them because i'm like fucking we're killing ourselves up there help us like come on a little bit of like a chuckle give me something man yeah yeah no um how did you swing like so like certain scenes in the movie i was curious how they worked on stage like the scene where you're kind of laying out how you have it planned out what's going to go down how'd that how'd that work on stage dad go ahead john i was just gonna say i mean that you you gotta remember like all that shit happened in the play like the way like we want to give it away here but like the way that the things resolved like the end of the the movie like what they decided like we did that on stage not only did we did that we like told the audience we were going to do that

because we came up with the plan so it's like the audience is like sitting there right in front of the and being like is this really like is this going to go down like how is this going to go down and you know the move the moment and, and, you know, the, the moment in the back room, you know, again, without giving too much away with like the gun and it's about to get to that point, you know, the palpability of doing that, like, you're like, how are they going to pull this off? And there, there was, you know, look, when we did that play, you know, John talks about, you know,

the theater audience in LA and they ate it up. It was such a huge hit. It was, it was, it was an undeniable success, but you know, I was also bringing, you know, my friends in LA who are cops and firemen and pro fighters. And it was this whole other audience, a lot of whom have never been to a play before, and they were going crazy for it. And I think we just really wanted to capture that. We just wanted to capture that we're not being preachy. We're making a piece of art about a bunch of people that usually people don't make shit about. And we wanted to capture that palpable energy.

And I think we do. I think there's parts of this that are so fucking funny and there's parts of this that's so touching. And it might offend the shit out of you, but I think that that's really good because it will generate conversation. And I think it's parents. I think parents really identify with this, moms and dads, about all the dangers that are out there for the kids these days. So as a parent yourself, again, to keep dancing around it without giving it away. If you were faced with a similar situation, how are you handling that? Look, man, I mean, you know, it's funny.

You know what, actually, how's John handling it now? How's John handling it 2007? Because I think those are two different answers. That's a real question. I didn't know my truth back then. You know, I think that it's funny because a lot of my friends, a lot of my really good friends who have seen the movie, and it's surprising, but the first thing that they write to me

when I get a text message is just, hey, man, I just want to let you know that I would go bury that body for you. Yeah. Fucking Luli, right? There's part of that,'s there's part of that and there's part of how like that outcome is somehow like easier to swallow for lack of a better words than the outcome that was actually you know what i mean yep yeah something just like we gotta look at ourselves and be like what what how come this is super offensive and fucked up

but this is something that we've seen in movies all the time? But like so many of my friends would be like, oh, dude, I would have done that for you in a heartbeat. Like that's their big takeaway. There's something to that. I know – I've heard you explain the story more in depth about your life on Joey Diaz's podcast and whatnot. And it almost seems like the polar opposite lifestyle to what like a theater, a stereotypical like theater actor life would be. Were you, I mean, but you were living both of those lives at that same time, right? Yeah, man. Look, I think, look, man, you know, I'm, you know, I'm a dad, man. I i got three kids i'm super committed to my wife my life now is is about my work and about my family and that's kind of it it's not who i always was and

and and i think that there's a time in my life that there's a certain kind of energy and a certain kind of way of living my life that i was super attracted to um that i hit rock bottom on many times and never learned my lesson i kept going back to that fucking well, kept on making these big mistakes. And look, when I look at it in totality, you know, I'm grateful that I got out of that. I'm grateful that I moved on, but I'm also grateful that it happened because I think it shaped who I am as a, as a father, it shaped who I am as a man. And definitely as an artist, I think only if you've kind of, kind of been in those valleys a little bit,

can you know what it's like to walk out of them. And the same energy that I think, you know, at one point got me into a lot of trouble, this sort of recklessness and this abandonment, seeking danger. Like now I can really put it into my work, and it really serves me. It's putting food on my kids' table and putting clothes on their back. And I'm getting paid to do what I love more than anything else in the world, and I think these things are super connected. Now, was your... Sorry, sorry. Go ahead, John.

No, no. I was going to say it's like... First of all, in terms of John and I clicking, connecting, it's exactly what you're talking about, like somebody who's real and not. But I would say there's a misconception that theater people are... They're fucked up, man. You do a play and you'll never see anybody drink as hard or smoke as hard like a lot of really intense artists if they didn't have that outlet would fucking blow their brains out or somebody else and and you see that again and again and the theater

world are some of the most badass people i've ever seen it is fucking terrifying going out on that stage like the director who directed small repair in new york uh joe bonnie who i've worked with many times who john knew she's this australian former visual artist she is the most badass like incredible artist you've ever met you know what i mean like she came up doing all these neil abute plays her husband her husband's eric bogosian she did all this shit and you're just like that's all forged in the theater world. Like it's just, it's different than showing up on a TV show and having like, you know, somebody phoning in their role for, for a dozen years. Like theater is, it's no joke.

It's like a full context. Cause you love it. You're not getting paid a lot of money. There are no big accolades. You're doing it. The accolade is getting to do it. The accolade is getting to do it in front of those people and with these people. And it's, it's, it's not for cowards it's right well that's why i asked because like the i said stereotype because you

know there is sometimes this thought about no you're theater kids but it's almost like the people from that other walk of life would probably be terrified to step on a stage and do that you know what i mean like the tough guys are like i'm not going out on fucking stage theater kids at my high school were the meanest motherfuckers. Bro, don't laugh. Don't laugh. They were fucking. Don't take too long. Bro, they were bullies, dude.

They fucking hated all of us. They'd sit at their own table, make snide remarks, dance in our faces. They were sons of bitches. Every single one of them. Don't answer shit. But, John, I got a question for you. You kind of talked about when you made made the change and I know you live in Ojai now.

Did that, did that kind of coincide at all? And the reason I ask is because I remember in Wind River, you're doing the speech about Ojai and like you say it so passionately where it's almost like it's real. Like, was that written or did you, was that kind of from the heart? No, I mean, that was the, the, the, uh, that was the second thing I've done. I've done three, uh, jobs with Taylor Sheridan, the guy who wrote and directed that. And, you know, when he, when he, when he asked me to come do that, you know, I'm, uh, as John knows, you know, John is, uh, one of the best writers working in the business. It's something that I've fallen

in love with and I'm trying really hard to do. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm writing more and more. And, and Taylor is one of the people that I shared that with and Taylor knew that I've fallen in love with and I'm trying really hard to do. I'm writing more and more. And Taylor is one of the people that I shared that with. And Taylor knew that I was writing. And one of the sort of things he said to me in doing that part is he said, look, the way that we're going to tackle this is you're going to open that door and everyone's going to think you're a bad guy. I'm going to give you two minutes to have a monologue where you can convince everybody that you're a good guy. And then you got to show everybody that you're the good guy. Right. And this awful thing is going to go down. So that was one day, you know, I got my car. I got my car with Boston Pitbull, drove to fucking New Mexico, went up into the mountains, shot that scene. It was 24 hours on set. We shot it through the night and then I left. It's my favorite thing to do. Just come

throw down, get the fuck out. And, and, uh, you that. Taylor knows I'm from Ojai. He let me write that monologue. And look, you know, what's interesting about that is the reason why I chose Ojai is on his first film that I did on Sicario. I met Emily Blunt and my wife and I because of a lot of the trouble. It's all kind of connected because of all the you know, I lived in Venice Beach for like 15 years. And I was trying to kind of just like put a lot of that life behind me. And we were trying to get out of Venice. And, you know, we have young kids. And, you know, every time I came home to my house from being on the road, there'd be like 100 people at my house.

It was like a big party, which was awesome. But it was like, I got to get to fucking know know my kids man and and so we wanted some space and i met emily blunt and sicario and she had moved to ohio she said just come up like see it i i guarantee like you'll love this place it's like it's like this throwback town and and we did we took her up on it we found a place but this the day we moved up here her husband moved out but still burnt all's here time that's when you know the neighborhoods jump the shark The day we moved up here, her and her husband moved out. But still. Bernthal's here. That's when you know the neighborhood's jumped the shark.

Bernthal. I wasn't even serious, dude. I was just trying to be nice, you fucking loser. Nobody actually takes you up on those offers. What the fuck? He's like, we're not going to hang out, dude. That's not going to happen. Did I see also you spent some time over in Russia?

Yeah, you know, and I was going to say that, you know, when you're talking about the theater kids, you know, no joke, man. You know, yeah, you know, I got into some trouble when I was younger. I played some sports in college, and I kind of got into acting, and I couldn't finish college, and I really wanted to know sort of what to do. Like, how do you become an actor? And I went to this woman, Alma Becker, my first theater teacher. She married my wife and I, and she got me an audition for the Moscow Art Theater in Russia. And, you know, this is Moscow in the late 90s. You know, it was the Wild West. I mean, mafia controlled everything. There were shootouts at

the Duma, which is like their Congress. You know the the Chechens were blowing up apartment buildings it was a city that was just so filled with uh beauty and brutality and these two things kind of going at once and um yeah I gotta say as a kid from DC who thought I was like tough and thought I was like you know I understood the streets Moscow blew my fucking mind open I mean it was a whole different deal. But, you know, being an actor there is an unbelievably masculine thing. It's you need to know how to move. You need to know how to fight. You need to know how to dance. You need to know how to handle yourself.

You know, and that's the world that I came up in as an actor. That's what sort of prepared me. You know, my teachers all, you know, fought in the war against Afghanistan. You know, my teachers were, you know, hiding. Yeah. I mean, they were serious dudes, man. And, and, um, that's just kind of that, that, that sort of shaped everything for me. And so like, you know, how we started this conversation about finding, you know,

real folks that kind of speak your language. That's how I felt when I met John, I was just like, okay, immediately, here's a guy who grew up in a similar way, has a similar sensibility. He's got a huge heart. He's a sensitive guy, but he knows how to handle himself. He says what he means, and he means what he says. You can see that in his writing. And I think that sort of explains the sort of depth of not only our connection,

but the reason why our families are connected and always will be. Yeah, I mean two guys like you, in all our experiences, like I usually can tell right away during just like these little interviews when it's like, oh yeah, those are just real guys who are like good friends. It's not a front. It's not just because you're acting together or doing whatever together. It's like, yeah, these guys would be doing this whether they were fucking working as mechanics or, you know, or in this industry. So it's good to see that. You know, look, it's been a real blessing. You know, my daughter was really young when we first met. And John's incredible wife, Erin, who was super pregnant when we first met.

And, you know, seeing the kids kind of come up and, you know, getting to hold the babies and see that whole thing happens and you know see john become a dad it's just like by the way i can't even fucking believe it's been 10 years i'm like it's no bullshit i it literally does not it feels like two years ago you know i mean how quick that time has gone by when did you when did you start trying to like when did you think like okay we're gonna go movie with it well you know look i i remember john picking me up in his like shitty f-150 he had back then and we went to like when did you think like okay we're gonna go movie with it well you know look i remember john picking me up in his like shitty f-150 he had back then and we went to like get food before and he's like bro he's like man he's like we gotta keep doing this shit we keep and i was like yeah and it was weird it was kind of like first date like i'm like i don't want to know how much

i like him you know i mean like you know and he extended i'm thinking the same thing i was like it's great because look man it's hard you know he you know, when I was like in my early 30s, he was in his late 20s, early 30s, whatever the fuck it was. It's harder to meet friends when you're like an older dude. You know what I mean? Like when you didn't grow up with. Did we lose John? Uh-oh.

I told you, man. He's in a fucking bombshell in the back door of his house, dude. I'm telling you. And then we were always like, what's that? He's the weirdest motherfucker. He's got people buried out there, dude. What a fucker. You know what I mean?

I'm telling you. I know where he is right now. You know what I mean? That just shows you everything. There's no reception back there. No, I'm in a van right outside their office. To be clear, John, we kind of lost you halfway through that oh shit i'm sorry i'm sorry that's what anyway i was saying like we we you know when you make an independent movie you want to keep it

simple and this is primarily one location so that was good but we were always like it's feasible and then honestly in the 10 years the themes of the play and the movie just became more relevant and to me Me Too movement was like oh shit this the play has that dialogue like is about that right and it became even more relevant and it was like how do you contribute to that conversation in a completely unfiltered

masculine prism and that like really excited us and gotten everything going and it didn't feel like oh everybody loves that play it was more like wow we can make this take place in present day and got everything going. It didn't feel like, oh, everybody loves that play. It was more like, wow, we can make this take place in present day and it's going to be even more potent. So a lot of stuff just clicked. Yeah, you're right with the Me Too stuff.

It's a particularly real moment when Paki and Wino are kind of listening to the story from Chad. Of course his name is fucking Chad. By the way, that kid's either an unbelievable actor or an asshole. I can't decide which one it is. It's half and half. But when they're kind of laughing along with the story and you already know

as the viewer, you already know what it is and you're like, oh, you guys are going to feel so fucking bad about this. And you can really kind of like attribute that as a much broader spectrum to to people in your life well and that was one of the things is like as a dude i mean john and i always talked about that like as a guy when you grew up in a certain neighborhood and environment guys will always casually bring up stuff and you're like that's sexual assault yeah that's not cool man like that's not cool i'm not gonna high five you like that's fucked up. You know what I mean?

Yep. It was kind of that thing. Now, the play hides it even more because you ain't going anywhere. But it's funny with the movie. Some people don't get it. Some people, they're like, why'd he hit him on the wrench? What's going on? You know what I mean?

And some people take, fuck, I just spoiled some of the movie. Hey, guess what? You're a fucking terrifying dude, bro. I feel like John gets a lot of credit for being a scary guy, particularly from The Punisher. But, I mean, the bar scene, scary. You and his face being show me the fucking picture, scary. It's straight up. All that is is he's a big dude, too.

Like, he's way bigger. Like, people are always like, oh like he like john's a big man and he went through this whole process like a few years ago he met some like bulgarian like weightlifting coach who had him like drinking quarts of you know like the guys like the guys like i don't just i want to put on like 70 pounds of muscle you know i'm like what kind of dude he's like you know what i mean like you're getting the oxen trade. And he just started lifting. He's always been a pretty big dude. But he's scary as shit, man.

And I think in all seriousness, look, man, it's an unbelievable undertaking when you think about what John did. John's never directed a movie before. John's never starred in a movie before. John wrote this movie. He did all those things. In the beginning of this of this i was like dude you you sure you want to do all this like you didn't want to say you know and and it was crazy man he's he's he's uh you know what he told me is is is he was like look man like you're the only one that i can see playing

that part and i'm the only one seeing that play this part. He's absolutely right and I was so glad that he stuck to that. The way in which this movie was made, again, not to be corny and shit, but there's so much love. It's the same in anything. I'm sure you guys have the same shit. If one of you guys

is being an asshole, if one of you guys is fucking up, I'm sure you guys are close enough to be like, dude, you're fucking up. Why why are you doing that i think only when you can kind of get rid of all the sort of like polite protocol hierarchy bullshit in life can you actually like make something good and i think our industry is just like plagued with that stuff about well what number are you on the call sheet or the producer said like everyone is there working their ass off i don't care if you're in electrics if grips makeup a teamster like we are all there working together and the sooner we can just get rid of all the bullshit best idea wins get your ego out of it

what do you got and like shea could turn to me and i and and i take a big dude that was shit do it again like fuck it let's go like dude what if you try it like that i'm like oh man he's offending my performance get the fuck out of here man the whole world would be a better place if everybody let me go man we're all after the same shit we all love our kids we're all trying to have you know create the best world possible just be good to each other respect each other and just get rid of all that bullshit although let me ask you no good go ahead sorry nope nope you i was gonna say it was a very singular artistic experience where like for me i was like all the anxiety and anger of that character was really replicated in the the process of making the film so it's like you just

sit in that but you know at its core there's a story about three men who love each other and in particular the character i play frank who's in a real tough situation and they're pulling for him and stepping up and that happened like in real life you know what i mean like you had john and shay who we became john knew for a while and we all fell in love with each other you know what i mean but like everybody pulling each for each other and like you know this movie would not have worked if if you had a prima don Donna or there wasn't that real chemistry. I can't imagine it. You know,

I don't know, you know, it's intimidating to think about how to ever replicate that again in something else. Right. You know, I've seen John and other sets I've worked with him and other shit. And he brings that out of people,

but everybody has to be on board. Although, you know what I mean? Otherwise it just doesn't work. It sounds like you're both like two big guys who can each handle yourselves. Head-to-head, though, who wins? Oh, look. I think if I snuck up on John, maybe.

No, he's a – John is like an incredible athlete and a sick fighter. I definitely can handle myself, but I've seen – you know, John is like a really – He knows it. He's a style. He's like, yeah, I would fuck knows it. I would fuck him up. I'm tough for an actor. I'm tough for like a regular guy, but John is like an exceptional

fighter and a boxer. I'm not fucking with John. I'm telling you, ungodly strength. I would never want to see that happen. I'm telling you, if I got the one hold and just held, you know, that's it. But I've seen John box and he's, it's really, yeah, he's real good, man. Before we let you go, by the way, the movie's it. But I've seen John Box, and he's really good, man. Before we let you go, by the way, the movie's out.

It's unbelievable. I've said that a million times. I was actually telling Kevin about it. I was saying that I was comparing it to the second half to me gave me almost, I don't know if you guys have seen Green Room, which is one of my favorite movies of the last 10 years, whatever it was. The second half, once the shift happens, gave me a lot of Green Room vibes, which is a huge my favorite movies the last 10 years, whatever it was. The second half, once the shift happens, gave me a lot of Green Room vibes,

which is a huge compliment for me. So watch that on Amazon and all that shit. But John, I have one question before we go. And it is one of my favorite stories that Shia didn't tell the full story, I don't think. Shia was telling a story about you guys on the set or in a hotel for Fury. And you guys were there in your fatigues or whatever it was and you chicken story it's the chicken story yes

listen you know and the reason why i know it's a cry because i just did the hot ones and and uh i was my kids were watching the other day and they were watching that story because they animated it and And he was, first of all, I wasn't there that day. I wasn't even there. And it is true. It is true that he didn't shower.

And it is true that he went in and like covered in mud and stench and filth. It is true that he went in there and just took chicken. Now, what was the conference? It was like a billionaire's conference, right? Yeah.

It was like, I, you know, like I know that they did do like the Bilderberg. That's's what he called i don't think he did that there i don't think i think this was just like a really nice like law firm or some shit and he like he's like they got chicken and he walked in i do know he had a plate of chicken and then i do know that security kicked him out and then i do know that logan lerman kind of tried to stand up to him for him and then security started yelling at him.

And then when I found out, I had a conversation with the security guard because he went after Logan. But I was not there. I didn't leave him hanging. I wouldn't say leave the chicken alone. You know what I mean? It's not just because he was so filthy. It's because he smelled.

Oh, well, hang on. So you're not a fucking bury the body with him guy. If you go in there, you get that chicken. It's just not worth it, man. It's just chicken. Like, what are we talking about? Yeah. All right, fellas.

Well, really appreciate the time. You guys seem both like awesome guys. So congratulations. Strongly recommend. Go watch the movie. Small Edge of Dreamland. Thanks, guys. Really appreciate it, man.

Have a good one, boys. Thanks, fellas. Bye. Thank you, fellas. Have a good one, boys. Thanks, fellas. Bye. Thank you, fellas. Have a good one. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.