KFC Radio - Chris Distefano Rips into KB And The Yak Crew

Episode Date: March 31, 2022

Chris Distefano joins us as third chair today, and he comes in HOT - f*** KB and Nick, but mostly KB - Chris Distefano's take on Will Smith Slapping Chris Rock (from the POV of a comedian) - Logan Paul is cool - TT Jerry stories from jail including cutting a man's d*ck off with a can top - What is waterboarding? What are Sui Pods? - Chris' story of the wildest thing to happen to him in comedy - AITA -Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Intro 1:30 - Chrissy D comes in / F*** KB 15:56 - Distefano's take on Will Smith slapping Chris Rock 43:21 - Paul brothers/ TT Jerry 54:48 - waterboarding/ sui pods 1:19:36 - most wild thing to happen to Chris in comedy 1:26:19 - AITA 1:38:51 - Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Schick: Get 20% off men’s individual items on https://barstool.link/SchickBSS with code BARSTOOL Ikon Pass: Score the best prices on winter 22/23 and get all the early season goods at https://barstool.link/IkonpassBSS Sling: Go to https://barstool.link/barstoolsling to sign up now and try it freeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. 50 minutes I was on stage with 10 minutes max of material. Two years in, 50 minutes. I asked, I genuinely in my heart believe, I asked all 400 people where they were from and who had a birthday. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. This is it. This is the final day of the Schick Blade Bet. As we record this, I've got like a thousand-person lead,

thousand-subscriber lead. Feidelberg still has tonight to pull a rabbit out of his ass if he wants to. My beard's on the line. His body hair is on the line. Either way, one of us will be using one of these chic razors either the stubble eraser or the hydro sensitive or the extra sensitive or the bamboo handle along with the for those who care about the environment like me this is the three blade there's a four blade there's a five blade i was saying i don't think i have shaved since the

invention of the five blades that would make sense i i think i was saying i don't think i've shaved since the invention of the five blades that would make sense i i think four was where i tapped out i remember there was there was jokes on like snl and maybe like other skit shows where they were joking about how many like how many blades can we get and i think mad tv yeah right because i remember dude i remember shaving when i first started shaving and maybe this is is just because this is also what my dad did and because you just do what your dad did. He had like the disposable one-blade razors. And I – That's what I started with.

My dad still might use those. I would probably think so. I'm going to give my dad a couple shakes. Yeah. My dad does, and I know that because he didn't teach me how to do it. He was just like, oh, it's in there. And I just cut the fuck out of my hands. Yeah, I mean, well, so then I remember I used, like, the Schick two blades.

Two blades was like, holy shit. And then they were just kind of like, let's keep going. But I think I tapped out around three or four. And then if you've ever had to go back to a single blade, it's like, it's crazy. It's like, what are we? It's like shaving with, like, a's like shaving with like a butter knife. I sure haven't done that. And now, I feel like I'm going to put the Schick 5 blade and just go like

and it shaves like your whole face. I mean, it was, I can't, again, it's been a long time, so I maybe, I don't know where razor technology's at. When I shaved my face with a Schick the bamboo, it was, it took me, I was worried that I had that

beard and I was shaving in between rehearsal of a wedding and rehearsal of dinner. And I was worried. I had like an hour and a half to shower, change, shave. I was worried I wasn't going to have enough time. Yeah, because you had to get through that jungle. It took me three minutes total to do the whole thing.

Like I'm talking from trim to my face is off like no more shaving cream, no more nothing. It was under three minutes. And you got to worry about, you know, because if you nick yourself, you're bleeding through the rehearsal day. Yeah, yeah. So this is all with the hydro sensitivity. You don't have to worry about that. Also, I love this thing.

This, like, combs your stubble. Like the stubble like goes in between those grooves and it just like pulls it up and then shaves it. So we've come a long way since our old asses have been shaving. Everything is flexible and bendable and fits your face. And I do remember, I don't know exactly what it is now, but I remember when those multiple blades first came out, they were like $2,000. Yeah.

And I think it's much more affordable now. Plus, if you use the promo code Barstool, you get another 20% off any men's individual items on Schick.com. And on top of 20% off, what you don't have to deal with? You don't have to deal with pressing the button. I'll walk out of pharmacies. Beep, boop. Beep, boop.

You have to buzz a button to get into everything. They gotta come with the key and they're fucking opening it. Go to Schick.com. Schick.com. They will send it right to you plus that code at checkout,

Barstool, for 20% off and you will make sure that you got the smoothest, most sensitive face in the game. I mean, listen. The compliments are overwhelming.

And I'm starting to get a little upset. Guys, I'm going to start to need some compliments myself. I'm not asking for a lot, but maybe like a 10 to 1 ratio. For every 10 Fidelberg compliments, you're not ugly anymore. Can I get one like, I like your shirt or something? Because you... I never thought I was ugly. I still like the beard like I like your shirt or something? Because you – I never thought I was ugly. I still like the beard. I think the beard had a nice vibe to it.

I am pro beard. You're a pro beard for the fun of it. But looks-wise, you have to know that this looks better. I don't know. When I see myself, I think I look like what I thought I was going to look like. I think I look kind of like a fat little baby. But the – fat little baby. But the – Fat little baby.

You've gone from fat dumb bitch to fat little baby, I think. That's going to be the new name, I think. I like – Fat little baby. I don't – I'm getting a lot of compliments. I'm getting borderline harassed by certain people. Yeah. And I genuinely mean this.

I don't see it. You don't see it? I really don't. You've got a good jawline. I see that. I don't see at all. I don't know about that. You have a chin line.

What's hard is to have the jawline. Yeah. That's what I think we all lack. But you do have a defined chin. It's not like you're like Hank or something like that. Yeah. No shade. Does it feel good? Yeah, it feels nice. I like it. I like you're like a hank or something like that yeah no shit um but feel good

yeah it feels nice i like it i like it like i like it fine i i don't have you have you like gone to go like this at all you're like oh shit it's not there anymore no not really yeah the i explain this on and maybe i've explained it here before but i explained when i was on out and about we're like i understand if you work in a field where you have clients and you need to be look at all times, then I understand looking the same every single day of your life. Yeah. And I get that.

But you like to shake it up. I don't know. It's fucking boring to wake up and be the same person every single day. I like to be a little bit interesting. Well, especially when you hate yourself, you've got to change it. Yeah, try to find a way to like yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm with you on that.

You went from the mustache to the beard. Yeah, the fucking, like, I mean, dude, we play dress up. We play pretend every fucking day. It's Peter Pan. Might as well take advantage of it. Yeah, no, that's absolutely true. But if you do have to shave or you do want to shave, Schick has the best products to do so.

So Schick.com, promo code Barstool. Chrissy D's in the building. Chrissy D came through, just did the podcast with us. So we're not even going to do our usual podcast and then interview. It's just Chrissy D as the third chair. Not overwhelmingly Chris Rock and Will Smith. We talk about it. It's interesting to get a comics perspective,

and particularly one who's not like, we need to save the comedy realm. He's joking around about saving comedy and projecting comedy he also just absolutely flames kb and the and the guys on the yak to start things off so uh you're gonna enjoy it it's it's it's chris d as third host of kfc radio let's get into it but before we get to that we are on sale in chicago i think tickets are moving judging by my social media um i think tickets are moving pretty judging by my social media. Tickets are moving pretty well.

We are still pre-sale right now, which means you have to go to our social media, use code KFC. I don't understand what pre-sales are. I don't think Kevin really understands what pre-sales are, but we are forced to do that. I think I know. I think what the live event industry likes is to be able to announce it like five times. So what they do is they announce that they're going to sell the tickets. Then they announce that it's on sale as a pre-sale. And then if it doesn't sell out immediately, you're like, well, it wasn't actually fully on sale. So now it's on sale again.

So you get like multiple drops. Okay. That makes sense. Which I don't hate. I don't hate that. Because I forget to promote these ones, be it a t-shirt, a ticket. I know. Here's the one time it's on sale.

Hopefully it works. By the way, Sad Boy Sneakers, still get them. Right, right. I mean, we could promote shirts and everything throughout the year, but it's in Chicago where people have been asking for years. So we finally give it to you. It's at the Park West Theater. It's about 1,000 people.

And depending on how quickly you rip through these and if there's more demand, we may or may not add a second show it's all up to you it's saturday june 18th and i have heard so much about this goddamn summertime summertime shy eddie has told me he's gonna be yelling summertime shy in my face dante's gonna be there and fucking jerking everyone off making sure they enjoy summertime shy so much so show us what you you got. Check out the alleys. Check out the beach. Check out the fucking everything. Get a flag tattoo probably. We're going to get the garage. We're going to wear baby blue.

I'm going to throw Jackie off the top of the bean. Nick's coming home. This is Nick's return. My birthday's next week so I'm going to be Oh hell yeah. Let's go. And also we are so we did, I think we explained it in Boston where we did – we had a bagpiper open for us.

It was St. Patrick's Day. And the idea was there and then in execution it wasn't so great. But I like to have it – I like an opener. I don't like us, like everyone just sitting quietly and then we come on stage. I agree. I like a little something to spice it up. So Philly. What's the date of Philly? May 19th. May 19th is Philly

and June 18th is Chicago. I'd like to have a local opener at both of those. They can be whatever. I don't fucking care. We don't fucking care. It could be comedy. It could be physical. Music. Music. It could be. It doesn't matter. If it's kind of interesting. Gymnastics. It can be whatever. We. It doesn't matter.

If it's kind of interesting. Gymnastics. It can be whatever. We'll pay you. Magician. I actually would love a magician. Magician would be unbelievable. Can we get a magician? Oh, a magician in one of those would be fantastic.

I want either a great magician or a really bad magician. Yeah. That would be really fun. You will. It's not for free. We'll pay you. Yeah. And we'll fucking.

It's got to be local, though. Like, I want a Philly guy. I's not for free. We'll pay you, and we'll fucking. It's got to be local, though. Like, I want a Philly guy. I want a Chicago guy. I mean, maybe what I want is, like, five years ago, Eddie. You know what I mean? Come up and be like, hey, how you doing? It's Eddie here. Carl's going to come out, and we're going to guess cards.

I feel like as long as we get some authentic people from these cities. It could be music. I don't think we really have enough time for a drum set up. Maybe we do. I don't know. Yeah, no. I got to see the stage. Something simple and easy where you can do some crowd work as well,

and we'll pay you and get you some drinks, and we'll have a very authentic show for both cities. Either it's yourself apply or you've got a friend or someone you think would be good, recommend them. We'll make a Google Doc. Yeah. We have one for Philly already. Okay.

We've tweeted it out. So we'll make one for Chicago where you can submit your name, your email, your social, and what you're going to do and attach maybe a video if you can do that. Can you do that? Yeah. Because we've got to be able to test, see who's good. So tickets for Philly still on sale i mean i hate to fucking come on philly let's go somebody was like it's a thursday night it's like thursday night's like

the biggest we went on a wednesday last time yeah like come on let's go philly i was talking about i was thinking we were gonna have a second show's like, we've got to get through this first one, man. So step it up, Philly. You've got until May 19th, Chicago, June. Tickets are all on sale now. Go to the KFC Radio social platforms, and you'll see the link to buy. All right, Chris D. on KFC Radio. Let's do it. Hey, hey, hey.

What's up, dude? How you doing? What's up, man? This guy looks like a fucking sex slave. I know. I know. What's up, dude? What's up? This guy looks like a fucking sex slave. I know. What's up, baby? Who are those guys? Who are those guys I just went in with?

I know Big Cat. Who are the other ones? I had a feeling you were going to get yanked in on that. Oh, my God, yeah. They're all like little douchebags. You know what it is? We're rolling? Yeah, of course.

You know what it is with those guys? Here's the truth about those guys that were sitting in the barstroom. I don't know who they are, but the only one anybody cares about is Big Cat. The other ones, they pipe in with jokes. To me, they're like, what are you doing? Open for Pat McAfee? I was like, first of all, I'd love to. He doesn't respond to my messages.

Second of all, it's like, who are these people? You know what I mean? Oh, there we go. Got you a laugh track. You couldn't hear it, but we're opening for McAfee? I wish. I wish. I wish. Fucking that guy.

You look like a dumb Gary Vee a little bit. You know what I mean? What the fuck? I didn't ask for crowd work. Like a bullshit Gary Vee. Fuck you. What do you do for a living? Try to have a joke where I walk out, but it's just like you look like an asshole.

You know what I mean? Like you didn't make it in Euphoria. Like one of those guys. Dummy. No, I would love to get on Pat McAfee's show. I was tweeted at him a hundred times. He never wrote back because he's racist. That's what I say. He's racist against his own people.

People say I look like him. Oh, you got another laugh track going. Here you go, dude. Killing it. Thank you. I love you. Bye. Thanks, Chris. Go follow Chris Stefano on Twitter, Instagram. $20 chef. What were you saying, Owen? Why'd we invite that guy in I'm pissed off he flamed us Nick these the thing is is what's going on in our world is rampant narcissism these people they think they matter the truth is they don't matter they're listening for big cat and he just has his

peripheral he has little friends around they're all're all little. They'll do nothing in life. You know what I mean? They'll get nowhere and they just think, oh, yeah, I want to. They're like, oh, we're about to break a million follower, a million subscriber YouTube plaque. Like, wouldn't that be cool? I'm like, yeah, not dude. You had nothing to do with the million followers. I should break it over your fucking head and put you being concussed shitting yourself

on my Patreon. That's what i should do you fucking asshole i'm done here's who i'm done with by the way i've had a lot to think about here's who i'm absolutely done with actors okay i'm done with actors and that kid in there who look like you look like one of the kids on euphoria what's his name kb oh kb he sucks that one he's got a body like a male figure skater he fucking pisses me off that kid because he tried to hit me with a joke as i walked out like a little fucking pussy and that kid stinks and because i bet you he wanted to be an actor i bet you he did and now he didn't make it so he's like oh i'm on barstool here's the thing with

actors is to me it's a mental. I've really come to the conclusion after watching what happened, acting is a mental illness. Either you become an actor because you hate your own personality so much that for a living you gotta make believe your other people. That's your job. Or you're chasing fame and money. Either way

you should be in fucking therapy and the fact that the actors at Oscars isn't sponsored by like some mental health company BetterHelp.com promo code whatever promo code Barstool is beyond me

but that kid KB I mean he really and then there's another kid the other kid he had glasses on I said he looked like if Portland was a person you have a blogger face you look like Portland

yeah you know what I mean a guy that like defended Will Smith You look like if Portland was a person. You have a blogger face. You look like Portland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which one? You know what I mean? A guy that defended Will Smith. You're like one of those idiots. You're like, oh, his jokes. If somebody talks about that about my girl, I'd be going crazy.

You would. You wouldn't have a girlfriend, dude. No way. He's got rickets. You're fucking nuts. Do you have a girlfriend? No. He's got rickets.

Whatever you want to do. And they're like, oh, we got a laugh track on. I'm like, you're all dumb. Here's the thing. I do real, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, big cap fun. You're going to get the money because you fucking happen to know Dave Portman. But even you, it's like, it's all, you know what I mean?

It's all like you come in and start slapping people. It's like, eventually this ends too. Eventually you're going to have to go back to just being funny for real. You'll get the cash out. But this little kid, KB, I mean, oof. He fucking really, just because I teach, you know. He's got that thing where he probably comes in and a guy who's on TikTok comes in and he thinks he can make fun of them. Well, I'm a fucking professional, KB.

And now you're in my fucking crosshairs because we are in a mode right now, comedians, where we feel we have to defend comedy. Don't defend it. All the fucking time. Can you tell your peers to shut the fuck up? I know. I know. Well, I would have shut the fuck up, but KB pissed me off. Let's shit on KB for now.

No, you can make fun of KB all you want. I'm just sick of like, what if I get smacked in the face of my fucking act? He said it best yesterday. He's like, Chris Rock at the Oscars is a little bit different than you doing 10 minutes at the Chuckle High. Shut up. Shut up. I know, dude.

It's like, first, all the comedians that complained about that, it's like, there's nobody at your shows. Yeah, no one would ever, no one's there, and they're certainly not going to get upset about anything you say to the point that they would physically assault you. Dude, I just saw, I was just randomly, because Tom Segura's here tonight, he's doing the Beacon Theater, and I just saw him at a random coffee shop, like downtown. I was just like, oh shit, Tom. And he's by himself.

And I was like, you're just walking around by yourself? He's like, yeah, dude. I said to him, I was like, what if, don't you feel like somebody can recognize you and come up and smack you? He's like, I will beat the shit out of anybody that smacks me and throw them into traffic. I was like, yeah, me too. And then I got an Uber for my safety. Did you see his tweets about Jada was like, yeah, me too. And then I got an Uber for my safety.

Did you see his tweets about Jada? Oh, yeah. You were like, urn. Well, no. Well, that's the thing. We were just speaking about that. And that's the world we live in now. He doesn't give a fuck. Doesn't give a fuck.

He never sold out to any corporation. See, honestly. Like piggyback. No, but they let us say whatever we want. They let us say whatever. Yeah. Well, their name is piggyback. I mean, what do they?

I did a thing about When Tiffany Haddish said That Jada Pinkett should Suck his dick from the back And I was making jokes About how Will Smith Should fuck her in the ass And I was like

Are you guys cool with that Cause And they're like yeah Do whatever you want So Piggyback But no Segura what people Don't realize

Well maybe they Maybe they're about to But they've gotten So fucking big They're like Just below Rogan But they didn't sell out To fucking Spotify So they can do Whatever the but they've gotten so fucking big. They're like just below Rogan, but they didn't sell out to fucking Spotify, so they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Whatever they want. They can call Jada Pinkett a dumb, bald bitch, and it doesn't fucking matter. That's the thing. They did that, and he was like, oh, you know, like they're going after him, the news or whatever, and it's like his tickets are going up. You know what I mean? It goes up because when you put the power of your career in the hands of your fans, you're like fucking unstoppable.

It doesn't matter. KB doesn't understand that. KB's a corporate fucking shill. What did KB say to fucking show kb say to you that he said what are you opening for pat mcafee and then he said what are you opening for sean latham i said listen to me buddy i said well i was gonna say something listen to me but then jordan was like we really have to go i'll be right back i'm gonna say everything i want to say to you on the KFC show. But it's just like it was a little like, you know, like, dude. You're not the first. They've posted a couple guys walking in to us.

There was a couple other comedians, or at least one other that. I don't know. They like to just take a guess and piss them off before they get in here. It's very fun for us. It was very similar. Very similar. Yeah. Oh, Shane.

Yeah, they grabbed Shane Gillis a couple times. What did he do? I think they just made like Rittenhouse jokes at him or something. Whatever. What can you do? How you doing, babe? Ooh, look at you in fucking lime green. You like?

I like that, bubs. I like that, man. Yeah, you can get it soon. It's my usual. I took the same hoodies, and now I put zippers on them. I like that. So we get to sell them again. Gotcha, bitch.

Yeah, it's like a what? It's a Snuggie? It's like a Snuggie, but a sweater. Exactly. If it was up to me, I would never wear anything but pajamas. And oddly enough, I basically do that all the time. The Fido Bird's got his fucking sex hair going. How about his face?

You notice how he's shaved? Yeah, he shaved his whole beard. Why'd you do that? Pussy. We lost. We had a little blade back going to see. Because neither of us had shaved. To shake.

To our skin, because neither of us had shaved like to our to our to our skin because neither of us had done it in 10 years and I knew the whole time that I had to do it because I was going to a wedding we were like

at the end of March you cover up your white skin you cover it up actually oddly enough the beard didn't and somehow it was like a long beard but you could see through it

the whole time it made him look more racist he said he oh dude it was bad you were a J6 guy I looked like one of those guys like in Chechnya they sent out out to round up the gays and shoot them in the fucking head. Yeah.

Dude, I love Russia. You're the Ukraine Nazis, you know? Dude, the thing is with Russia now is they kind of showed their card. Who knows what's true and what's not with the media, but it kind of feels like they're not as scary anymore. No. I was like, dude, what are you doing? This is like the worst example of let your reputation be scary because once you throw the punch,

it's like, oh, okay, never mind. And they're worth nothing now. They lost all their money, didn't they? No, T.T. Jerry, who's always with me, transgender, he had a good point. He said, you know what? He said, Russia was like being a transgender in jail. I was like,

explain. He just randomly said this he was eating he's got gems though no he was eating peanut butter out of the jar with his fingers no with his fingers with his fingers

I was like do you have AIDS I was just eating it and then he goes and then he goes he goes he she they he goes

oh I would love fucking cause T.T. Jerry would literally she would turn that kid K.B. K. KB around and fuck him right in his ass. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And then make him fucking yell at the sponsors.

And so he said, he said, Russia's like a transgender in jail. I was like, what are you talking about? I said, they had, when you're a transgender in prison, he said, just like Russia was, when you're a transgender in prison, nobody wants to fight you because there's no upside for them. If you win, you just beat up a transgender person, a girl. If you lose, you're fucking done. He said, and that's what Russia was. He said, Russia now, they had the card where nobody would fuck with them because there's no upside.

And now, he's like, why would they do that? And this is a street smart guy. He's like, I don do that now and this is a you know street smart guy he's like i don't know putin he goes even if the news is lying he was like there's all it's all his credibility is gone he's like i putin's he's all russians are pussy to me now they're all pussy to me i was like well don't say that you know they'll still cut your fingers off yeah yeah i feel like it's like when putin played hockey and like there would be like the the uh fucking like stat lines you'd see. Where you're like, oh, Putin scored 10 goals in the game?

What the fuck? Is he sick? And then they had a video of him in the game. Nobody's even trying, right? And he tripped over the red carpet that the anthem singer was going on. What? Like fell on the floor? Fell right on his face.

Hilarious. I'm sure someone got assassinated. Someone's trying to stop him before he assassinated for that someone's like trying to stop him before he hits it and it's like nope doesn't get there in time dude i feel like tt uh fucked people up in prison like oh my god i mean she fucked you but i feel like she'd also beat your ass no she she yeah she i i i've told you before she cut a guy's dick off with a tuna can oh i don't do that oh yeah yeah oh what yes Yes, dude. One of her prison cellmates or whatever, not a guy she was interested in,

even though he was black. She loves black guys. That's all she wants. And she was saying that this black guy kept putting his limp dick over the bars in her cell and she started to get offended. She was like, I felt violated. And she told him.

She did two things to him. She said, oh, this motherfucker. She was like, she told him. Wait, how so? she said she told me how so like she's in her cell he's in his cell yeah he would come like after lunch or whatever and just drop his dick over and be like and shake it around a little bit she was like that's disgusting like that whatever and then one day she was just not in a good mood and he fucking put his dick over and he was like come here suck it and call her like a tranny and all that stuff and she had had a tuna can that i guess they would because they would smuggle stuff in all the time. She had a tuna can I guess from lunch and she fucking took the edge of it and sliced the tip of his dick off.

Or sliced it open. Yes. Yes. And then these guys kept fucking with her. Another incident, kept fucking with her. So she was like for like a week, she just shit and pissed in this Folger can that she had. And then the last day that she just couldn't take it anymore she just unloaded it just and piss all over them tt does not around

no but i feel like she kind of had respect like in in prison because of that right she gains her respect that's why she said she and and i've never been around someone who like made me feel like like it was so from a place of honesty we asked her on the pod on the Chrissy Chaos pod I was like do you ever think you'll go back to prison she's like I don't want to go back to jail

she goes I'm not afraid at all though to go back to jail she goes the only way I'd go back to prison if somebody hurt you or your children or Jasmine

I would murder them in their sleep I would murder them immediately and she was like I would kill them and it would be bad she goes

I would try to cut their head off. I would bloodily murder them knowing that I'm going to go to prison for the rest of my life. But I would need to get it out to defend your guy's honor. She's like, other than that, as long as nobody kills you or your family, I don't plan on going back to prison. So T.T.'s the man of the house. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%.

Well, no. I mean, it goes T.T., Jasmine, then Chris. Delilah. Delilah, then Chris. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. 100%. Well, no. I mean, it goes T.T., Jasmine, then Chris, then Delilah, then Chris. Oh, no, no, no. 100%. Somebody said to me once, oh, aren't you worried, like, living where you live? Like, what if somebody broke into your house?

I'm like, if they break into my house, the guest room's on the first floor, there's no reason to have a gun or even a security system. You wake up T.T. Is she there full time? Pretty much. Almost every day. She will fucking annihilate you. Like, no fear at all. Anything.

Dude, they had a moment on Chaos this week. They were talking about skydiving. Just a simple conversation about skydiving. Chris was like, I'm afraid. I don't want to do it. It's on TT's bucket list. Because on Chris's Chaos, TT's got out of prison. She's doing all these.

She's flying a plane. She's going to Vegas. That's all on the Patreon. Patreon.com says, Christy Comedy. TT's Jerry's Bucket List. Feel good good give me five dollars so uh they're talking about and it's like it's just a very normal conversation and then she's just like so what do you think about the people in 9-11 they jumped out of the buildings do you think they like splattered on the ground yeah and it was just like, whoa! It took a fucking turn to 9-11 town.

That makes sense in skydiving. That's a fair question. No, no, yeah. It wasn't totally out of nowhere, but Chris was like, I'm a pussy. I don't want to do it. She's like, do you think they splattered on the ground or not? I was like, holy fuck.

And Chris was like, yeah, probably. Probably. She goes, when we got to our hotel room, we were staying out the wind, beautiful room or whatever, and she goes, oh my God, look at how beautiful that view is. And I was like, yeah, look at the mail. She goes, no, no, we could see Trump Tower.

I was like, nice. She told me everybody in prison was for Trump. Everybody. They all thought he was real. And they still do. Plenty of people do, bro. She said she speaks to her people still. They get calls or whatever, so they keep in contact with her.

She said everybody hates Biden. Yeah. I'm going to talk right against that. They're all like, he's pushy. When are you having Rittenhouse on the pod? I would love whenever he gets back to me as well. You're so close to just fucking going all the way. Just do it.

Listen to me. We've talked about this before. Like if all of a sudden we just decided to become like Second Amendment, fucking fuck Joe Biden, fuck Brandon, whatever the fuck it is, and we would just make so much more money. Listen, Rumble wants to come out here and give me 20 mil. I'll take 20 mil right now. Rumble wants to come out here.

I'll go right. Because right now I'm in the middle. I'm Chrissy Grazones, but I am teetering, baby. After KB, I am Chrissy Teeters. There was like that tweet that was like the it was a while back and it was like the right is starting to figure out humor and it scares the left or whatever and they haven't.

No. But there's plenty of people in the middle that you can buy. There's a lot of free agents. Sure. There's fucking Odell Beckham still available. They're ready to go. It is funny though because in the beginning, it was the left had no humor. Right. But now I feel like the right is now kind of taking things too seriously.

I think it's always the opposite. Whoever's in charge is always the opposite. Yeah, that's probably true. Because then you can punch up. But there was a time where it was just like, you guys can't take a joke. And the right, if I didn't even align with them philosophically, I was like, at least they're kind of funny and they can take a joke. And now they've become the ones who are like, you're trying to cancel me. And then it's like, shut the fuck up.

Well, I think what's happening, too, a little bit, I don't know, maybe like the seeds of it, maybe years to come. But I think the parties, like, what's who are the good guys and who are the bad guys are a little bit kind of switcher, at least kind of meet in the middle ground. Like, you know, don't forget when Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Right. So at one point, the Republicans stood for freedom of the slaves and the Democrats were more. So I kind of feel like it's happening just a little bit where it's like a young 17 year old today.

One of my girl's cousins, like, you know, 17, 16, 17. I said she was woke. She got so offended at me she was like do not put that shit on me I am NOT woke that is but like yeah that became what five years ago she would be wanna be yeah you know I was like kidding and she was like genuinely offended she was like that's fucked up don't say that to me because that's you use a W word on me? That's going to be the next thing. We can call each other that.

You know what we were discussing just a minute ago? And I think it's right. She actually said something that made sense. I bet you the Nashville Predators are going to have to change their name eventually. 100%. That's going to be the next one. They get one guy, one guy who fucks up.

I could see that being like, you know, when I hear Predator, it triggers me, because I don't know. I don't know. I think that's a stretch. When I hear Predator, it triggers me because I don't know. I don't know. I think that's a stretch. When I hear Predator, what's the first thing you think of? Where did they come up with that name for? Also, they're in Nashville.

It's just a fucking dinosaur. No, I know it's a dinosaur. The logo is like a saber-toothed tiger. I thought it was like a mountain. I guess so. Yeah, that was like a lion. Maybe it's a lion. Yeah, I mean, when I hear Pred predator, I think of rapist right away.

Yeah, you can't not. I guess. I mean, right now, because we're playing Don't Think of Elephant. But I don't know. When I've thought of national predators, I've never once thought of a sexual predator. The first predator, sexual. Fun. Done.

I mean, I get it. I was at just that. What is it? Sabertooth Tiger. It's the Sabertooth Tiger. Is that what I said? Yeah, I know. Well, I mean,ertooth Tiger. The Sabertooth Tiger. Is that what I said? Yeah. I know.

Well, I mean, fucking people in Predators. What's another bad name? I mean, I guess you can make fun of anything. Dude, speaking of sports. You think if Cancer Culture was around in 2001, the Jets would have to change their name? Why? Oh, because of... Yes.

Well, I think the Cleveland Browns would have to change their name. What's up, KB? The KB compilation from this episode is going to be amazing. So, dude, I got to do a thing once for NBA. Like the NBA had like a VR thing that was only on Samsung. Like negative people might have seen it, right? But anyway, I was the host, and I would get to have like NBA legends on. And we would be sitting in virtual reality.

You know, you could only watch it on with the goggles. But we would be like the game would be happening all around us like a famous clip or a game. So it was Gary Payton, James Worthy, Robert Ori, all these people. Like amazing. John Starks. And I got to like sit and hang with him. And Gary Payton told us a story once that was insane. He said, I was like, yo, because, you know, the glove or whatever,

and he's known for the best defender and shit talking. I said, who out there ever talk more shit than you? He goes, there's only one guy. I was like, who? He was like, John Stockton. Yeah. I was like, John Stockton? He was like, John Stockton.

And he goes, bro, he was like, any time John Stockton would get past you or anything like that, it was so frustrating because you're like, how is this fucking little white guy with short shorts getting past me? He said, so I know when he's a Mormon, devout Mormon, real religious guy. He goes, he was busting my ass so hard that I just started going personal. He goes, he was like, John. He's like, guess what? And John would be like, what?

In the game, in the middle of the game. He goes, he was like, I fucked your wife last night. He was like, was she good? Alley-oop to Carmelone. You know, things like that. You know? And then he goes, and then he was like, I came down once and I was like, John, we all know the truth.

You gay. He was like, who doesn't know? Fucking, you know, three-pointer. And then he said he would just, he said he was unshakable. He's like, he's the only guy I've ever played with in the whole NBA career that no matter what you fucking said, you could not get in his head for anything. He just had it all going. I was like, wow, that's so funny. And then when you look back and watch, he's like, you forget how good John Stockton was.

In his opinion, he's the best point guard of all time. I was like, dude, there's an argument for that. If it wasn't for Jordan, Stockton and Malone win at least a ring, probably two, maybe fucking more. And they go down in history as the greatest duo ever. Dude, you want to talk about Republicans? Carl Malone. Wowzers. You want to talk about Predators?

Carl Malone. Out of all. Does he do sex shit? Malone? He had a daughter with a fucking 13-year-old. He impregnated a 13-year-old girl. How was he not in jail? know it's it's out of literally did it in utah you have to do that in utah for real i i don't know i know he had a

child like this is open yeah oh it's like a yeah it's but they didn't i guess it's up to the family to press charges i think it was like i don't want to say it was like i mean it was consensual like as far as but she was legit 13 and you're being silly. No, I swear to God. Let me get it. He was 20. She was 13. Oh, so this was before he was even in the NBA.

He was like a rookie. Oh, right. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah. He wasn't, it wasn't like he was in the middle of his career and he got a 13-year-old pregnant. So he came into the NBA already having fucked a 13-year-old. And got her pregnant. And poor fucking, who was it?

Who was the fucking Laramie Tunsil? Dropped out of the entire draft because he smoked a little bit of weed. Car Malone, pristine reputation, has a 14-year-old. I don't think it's pristine. Everybody knows the story now. When Car Malone was in college, he had a child with a 13-year-old girl. But instead of facing statutory rape charges or any

legal penalties, Malone went on to be one of the greatest NBA players of all time. Why, though? How is it possible? Doesn't it have to be prosecuted by the law even if you don't press charges with a child? What state was it? Where did Malone play college football? Louisiana, right?

He attended Louisiana Tech. He was awesome there. Gloria's parents took Malone to court for paternity in 1986, but he was never charged with a crime or forced to pay any expenses. He didn't even have to pay fucking like child support. Malone eventually agreed to an out-of-statement, out-of-court settlement with the family. I bet they were like, the mailman's going pro. Like, let's not fuck this up.

I bet he gave them a lot of money. A lot of money, right? I'm sure there was a settlement, and I'm sure there's under think that's the reason because they were like this at that point he was 20 he was probably in Louisiana Tech he had to be a high draft tech right he was like you know one of the best like wow I mean that's the only thing I can think of also like because who fucking knows down there the father and the mother were probably like well you know we thought you were going to have him when you're 15 But it's only 13 Yeah, yeah

You know what I mean? Yeah, because some states It's not that crazy There's some states where it's like I think it's like 15 or something Yeah It's like, it's wild I forget if there's an episode of some show where like

The president gets mad that like one of the sheiks come in And he's got his daughter with him And it's actually his wife So then like they He gets mad about it And then like reporters start grilling him. They're like, but what do you think about the age to consent in North Carolina? What do you think about the age of marriage in Louisiana?

And he's like, I didn't know any of that. Yeah. I'm the president. I didn't know any of that fucking. How about this? The guy played in the NFL. Who's dad? The dude, the kid.

The girl? The son that she gave birth to played in the NFL. Oh, what? Demetrius Bell gave birth to played in the NFL. Oh, what? Really? Demetrius Bell went on to become a star athlete. His father received a scholarship to play at Northwestern State, made the NFL a cup of coffee. He was drafted by the Bills, played three seasons at Buffalo,

won in Philadelphia before leaving the league in 2013. He started 25 games in his short professional career. I mean, that's enough to probably grab a bag, you know? But that's insane. The media picks and chooses what to... How is that not an insane story? You raped a 13-year-old, then that kid went to the NFL.

It's nuts. I think it's on purpose, though. There must be so much money up there where they keep this all... It's gotta be. Because how is that not a movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's... It starts off like a time to kill, ends with a kid taking the field in the NFL. That's insanity. He was selected 13th overall in the 85 draft.

She got pregnant and gave birth in 84. So they probably were like, let's not take down this. Am I Karl Malone's kid? You got that ass. You got that fat ass. How old my mama? Yeah, I mean, he's a 14-time All-Star, two-time MVP. You know, he averaged 25 and 10.

Second all-time scorer. You know, he's just a horrible, horrible, horrible, fucking disgusting person. Yeah, because you bang out a 13-year-old because it's one of those things where... That's disgusting. Well, it's one of those things, though, where, like, just 100 years ago, guys were openly having, marrying 12-year-olds. Right. So, I think, like, you know, but at that

point, I mean, in the 80s, though. I mean, it's like Bubba's. But not that much further back. I think Elvis was fucking like a teenager. Jerry Seinfeld fucking. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Hey, I'm defending comedy today. I know that's your boy, but like, you know,

even just up until recently this shit don't end up we'll be texting well you text yeah I text he maybe reads he reads I was almost gonna text him hey what about these

Will Smith jokes but then I just fired them on Twitter it is like I feel like it's a rush to get your jokes off right

but the thing is with that I don't know when this episode's coming out but the thing is with the Will tomorrow so with the Will Smith, Chris Rock stuff,

it's like I kind of feel like that is like, you know, we did them whenever that happened Sunday. The jokes are Monday, Tuesday, today's Wednesday, tomorrow's Thursday. You can't, even in the comedy clubs, you can't. It was all, yeah, it was like talking about like Halloween, like it's over now. No more Will.

You want to talk, make bits about the Oscars And acting, go for it But not Will Smith I actually think that's what sucks about Twitter Sometimes we like to wax poetic Like, oh I wish Twitter was around For the white bronco day I am happy it wasn't

I think it would have killed it so fast This is arguably One of the most momentous occasions In the history of television. And I fucking don't want to hear any more about it. No, no. I'm so sick of it. Ten hours into it, people were like, are we?

It happened at what? Like 11 o'clock? Yeah. By like Monday morning, people were like, it's over. Move on. I was like, it hasn't even been a week. No, I don't have basic TV. I just have like Netflix or whatever.

And I saw the tweets happening. And then I still saw that the best actor was still to be one I had no I went to my neighbor's house. I texted him. I was like, bro. Do you have what do you have TV? Moment and then I called, you know at the Comedy Cellar You know, I can usually just call and get it on a spot I've been working there long enough and the person who runs it was like yo you can definitely come but there's like everybody and their mother from the big guys down to the little guys like you're all of you want to get on stage tomorrow night so like there may not be room so i was like i'm not coming because they all wanted to like every comic every comic wanted

to get everybody because you know you have the lineup but then like you know you'll have you know whatever chappelle and them will drop in so they're like yeah there's no room normally you could drop in because it's like maybe one guy will drop in. But this is like, she was like, yo, like 15 people have called me. Well, yeah, I mean, that makes sense. It's like I woke up in the middle of the, like I did the videos that night. The next morning when I usually don't do a radio show, I did it because it was like. You have to.

You got to get this shit out. Yeah. Yeah. But I also feel like it's a dangerous, like you also have the bad Will Smith jokes and it's like you're the fucking loser you better make sure they're on point

you gotta make sure what's funny about this whole thing is that the G.I. Jane joke is like a blah joke it's like but I think I don't think Chris Rock intended it to be

it was like a throwaway bit it's like a little crowd work it's very hard to be funny in that moment I think Chris Rock just wanted it to be a throwaway joke I don't think that

I don't think even he would defend that joke no it's a kind of hacky it's whatever you're bald and there was a movie with a bald girl just wanted it to be a throwaway joke. I don't think that, I don't think even he would defend that joke. No, no. I don't, I would. It's a kind of hacky, like, you're bald and there was a movie with a bald girl. Yeah, fine.

But it wasn't meant to be a big thing either. It's fine. But the, what it's doing to, like, because at least you happened last night with Zoe Kravitz. No. Like, it's, it's. Oh, yeah.

When you can watch, like, the fucking, like, fall of celebrity in that, because of just that one little dumb joke is crazy. So I guess Zoe Kravitz posted a picture on Instagram being very unexcited. Like, here's my dress from that night where apparently we assault people on stage now. And then people who like Will Smith fucking had receipts on her where I guess she did a movie with jayden when jayden was 14 and she's 10 years older so she would make her 24 and like in her press she i don't think it's a big deal but i also because i love zilly kravitz and also it's reversed so if it was a guy saying about a girl

i'd be like that's fucking weird but it's a girl saying about a guy so i don't think it is but it's like she was 24 he was 14 and she's like i just have to check myself around him he's such a handsome guy like i have to tell him like maybe when you're older we'll date. But no, I can't say that. That's inappropriate. I don't think it's that big a deal. But people are like... You better shut your fucking mouth.

Because you've definitely said some creepy shit. And we got receipts on you. I mean, there was a clip of Will Smith on Arsenio Hall making fun of, I think, legitimately Alopecia. Really? Or at least a bald girl. So it's like, you know, everybody's got everything. I don't think, again, I don't know. I don't know these people, you know.

This is like the first time, like, in my career I'm, like, proud that I never got any audition. I'm proud to be as bad of an actor as I am because I am not in that circle at all. So it's like, at first it used to bother you, but now I'm like, dude, this is fucking great. I'm not one of these assholes. I'm a loser.

I'm Patreon. Patreon.com. It such Christy comedy um so I I I said though you know uh I didn't know this there's so much shit I know like Will Smith you know he got like the first um Aunt Viv uh canceled like her career over like I don't I think what happened with that is again I don't know this guy but it's like he for me it was like when you had when you calmed down and then you made your Oscar speech and you didn't say you're sorry to Chris Rock, it's like that's the real you. Yeah. You are not, you don't care. And then the apology on the notes app was just bullshit from your PR.

Yeah. So it's like if you would have just said, yo, I am so sorry. And maybe even done something like, I don't want to take the Oscars away from these people. But obviously I can't make a speech and I'm so sorry for what I did. Then it's like this kind of all goes away and it's like a nice learning moment but instead you took the narcissist route so it's like that's the real you is you're not a good guy you know and I actually really put this together reading Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's article he wrote Kareem wrote a fucking like fascinating article about this whole

thing but like he was also babbling about how he was protecting the actresses who played Serena and Venus oh my god shut up Will you gotta slap this guy in the face to protect your wife

and you're protecting these actors what are you what are you talking about protecting this is what I'm saying it's a mental illness acting you're making believe

there's somebody else like you're not it's not real just be who you are Will you fucking dummy just be gay and come out and be fucking done

with it Will yes also Serena Williams can beat the shit out of you and she'll beat the shit out of you. And she'll beat the shit out of Chris Rock. Like, you don't have to defend Serena fucking Williams. Venus Williams' titty slipped out, which is another thing.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, that's what they say. Her little nipple slipped out. Yeah, on TV. It's all over the internet. Because I was watching them and I didn't see a tit. Huh. Well.

What? No, I don't know. You're saying like on. On. I like that. That's a nice sweater she had on. Very Freddy Krueger, but like cute. She's cute Krueger.

She's Freddy cuter. KB, fuck you. I'm on fire, baby. Icon Pass is now available for the 2022-2023 season. It's time to keep the stoke alive. Seek a season of fun in the mountains and do you across 50 of the best ski destinations in the world when you claim this multi-destination pass you're

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Be like, everyone get your icon pass. Get your icon passes. Now's the time to do it. Do you see Jake Paul offered them money to fight? You know, he's doing the celebrity boxing.

It's hilarious. I love it. $15 million though. That's like nothing for those. No, you got to fucking jack it up. $15 million is like, I would be, I would go slap him in the face. Dude, I am offended. Will Smith's like nothing for those no you gotta fucking jack it up 15 million dollars is like i would be i would go slap him in the face dude i am offended well it's like i could take four hours

out of my life make hitch two yeah that'll be 200 million dollars i got a show in puerto rico april 22nd i'm gonna do so insane by the way so insane you should have any have you done it down there before yet no i've never even been you should be like the you've never been to puerto rico never been to puerto rico you're just like the... You've never been to Puerto Rico? Never been to Puerto Rico. So you're just culturally appropriating, you motherfucker. Yes, I'm cultural. I'm capitalizing on my family. You could be the king of Puerto Rico.

That's my goal. The white man king of Puerto Rico. Well, no, the Paul brothers lived down there. Right. Logan and Jim. But did they actually spend... No, no, they for real lived there because I said I was going to go... You thought that was just a tax thing.

The tickets go on sale, I think, tomorrow or Friday. But I was like... I reached out to Logan. I know Logan. I did his podcast a couple times. And I was like, yo, I'm going to be in Puerto Rico April 22nd. He's like, I'll be there, bro. I was like i reached out to logan i know logan i does podcast a couple times and i was like yo i'm gonna be in puerto rico april 22nd he's like i'll be there bro i was like you're gonna come to the show he goes why don't you do this he goes why don't you come in a couple days early and just come see my house he was like my house is fucking nuts sure i was like yeah yeah so i was like yeah dude you know the thing is too with like the

getting to know i again and this is what i think like like, the getting to know. Again, and this is one of the things. Like, again, I don't know Will Smith. I barely even know Chris Rock. Logan Paul, though, is like, you know, he got, like, a bad rap for all this shit. But he's, like, genuinely, like, the nicest guy. Yeah, he is. Like, was nice to my stepson. Gave him fucking rare Pokemon cards. Like, just a great guy.

Every time people are, like, ragging on him for the suicide thing or whatever. I mean, he's been on our show a few times. And every time I'm like he's nice he's way smarter than you give him credit for super successful and he actually is like

he can he hosts a show that like he can carry a conversation hell yeah he can give like deep thoughts he can interview

he's not like you can't get to those levels without being smart like even like Larry the Cable Guy somebody was like how dumb is Larry the Cable Guy I was like he's one of the smartest guys

you've ever talked to in your life. He can talk about any topic. Like the fact that he was able to convince you that he's stupid is why he's so smart. He just has an accent. That's all it is.

But it's not even him. That's a character. Right. You know what I mean? He's from Connecticut, isn't he? No, Nebraska. Oh, Nebraska. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But even that, that's not like Nebraska. He's got a diner in his house. Isn't that wild? That's a guest we've had that fucking chewed during the whole thing. Yeah, you got a fat wadding. In studio or on Zoom? On Zoom, unfortunately.

Fucking him in studio is wild. Yeah, I bet. That's got to be a scene. Well, now everybody's coming in studio, right? The Zoom thing's kind of over, right? We're still like A-list stars are either passing or they're like, I can just do this on Zoom now. I'll do it on Zoom.

So that's probably going to be the last thing to come back because we were getting to a spot where we were starting to have some major actors. And now it's like, well, I could fly to New York and do this circuit where I can just do it on Zoom now. I'll just do it on Zoom. From home. Unless you're living in New York. I think more and more people are giving up on that.

Because in the beginning it was like, this is fine. This is just like the same. And now it's like i think like just you know more and more people are giving up on that well in the beginning it was like this is fine this is just like the same and now it's like no i think too i think once they see a little bit that like the the interview doesn't go as far they don't get because it's just there's a disconnect on you could have i don't know trump on zoom it won't do as well if he's in studio i could have you on zoom and it's like we're stepping on each other and it doesn't work and the people i've myself. I try not to. I think in the middle of the pandemic, I figured it out. But when we do Zoom now, my voice is different. I'm laughing

at things that I don't usually laugh at. I'm just trying to be like, let me make this as comfortable as I possibly can because it's awkward. It just doesn't work. I think it's good. It's good to be in here. It's good to feel you guys. You could just be like Chris where it's like you have to come to my fucking house on Staten Island to interview me. We're coming next week. Next week, yeah. I don good to feel you guys. I mean, you could just be like Chris, where it's like, you have to come to my fucking house on Staten Island to interview me. Come, guys.

We're coming like next week. Next week, yeah. Is it next week? Yeah, because I mean, I don't want to do that. You guys don't want to do that on Zoom, right? Come out. We'll fucking feed you. Give you whatever you want.

I want to see the palace on Staten Island. Yeah, man. My house. The real king of Staten Island over here. 100%. Yeah. As soon as you turn down my block, it's all Trump flex. I know.

Your block is... You should have a reality show, dude. You know what's crazy about my block, it's all Trump flags. Your block is – You know what's crazy about my block, though? You know what's crazy about my fucking block? There is like – there's only a few houses on the block, but all of them, truthfully, besides mine, don't have – I don't have a Trump flag. They all have them. It's like mad culturally diverse. Like where – I have a fucking transgender Puerto Rican person in my house. Cross the street is like Iranian people.

Down the block is a black family. There's Chinese. There's only one classically white family, and they're moving out. I bet. I bet. Moving out of the sharp discount. Just unload this fucking thing. Dude, it was so funny.

When we moved in, Titi was in. It was September, so Titi was in little poom-poom shorts and a sports bra. Just moving us in with her fucking scars and her tattoos. And the neighbors were like, who is that family? I was like, yeah, baby. You don't even know what hit you. Transgender cock. What a fucking...

It's actually... Jokes aside. It's got to be unbelievable. It's amazing for her, but equally for you. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you both get so much out of that. She's doing her bucket list

on patreon.com slash Christy, Christy comedy. Yeah. And like, so she's getting to do all that and you have like this fucking character and content. Content.

And then, yeah. And you know, she's genuinely, because she's, was incarcerated for so long, just happy to do anything. Be alive.

She was happy to sit in the middle seat on JetBlue going out to Vegas while I was in first class, baby. No, I'm kidding. No. No, we all sat together, and she was, like, happy. I was like, are you cool with the middle seat? She was like, what's the middle seat? I was like, the seat in the middle. She goes, yeah, but it's the seat, right?

I was like, yeah. She goes, so why would I be sad then? Right. I'm going to be on the plane. It's so simple. I mean, but, like, yeah. She goes, so why would I be sad then? Right. I'm going to be on the plane. It's so simple. I mean, yeah. It's a pure. Should I have more uppity-ness about myself?

Because you weren't incarcerated for 20 years. I'd be fine with a middle seat. Well, you have no standards. I'd be like, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, no, I'm totally fine with a middle seat. Well, I mean, I wouldn't, like, deny the flight. But if someone was like, oh, I got you a seat.

And I was like, oh, is it the aisle or the window? They're like, no, it's the middle. You can't sit in the middle. Someone literally just asked me, where do you want? I said, I don't fucking care. Didn't you fly middle this time? Yeah. Where were you going that's in the middle? We went to a wedding that we bought tickets to

like 12 hours before we needed to fly, so there was like two seats left. And they were both middles. Well, one was on the aisle, and I took that one. How far? Yeah, that's right. It was fucking you. You asked me, do you want middle or aisle?

I was like, I don't give a shit. Where did you fly to? Naples, Florida. Oh, Naples, Florida. I would have fucking drove, dude. I'd rather drive 19 hours than sit in the middle seat. Bro, I'm like an art galactic. I'm a bit chips, baby. The second I get on a plane, I put my fucking head on the seat in, I will say, I'm like an artileptic. I'm a bitch, maybe.

The second I get on a plane, I put my fucking head on a seat in front of me, and I'm out. I fly easy. I'm fucking... Did you drink a little? Now you can drink again in coach. You weren't allowed to drink for a while.

Then we didn't have alcohol. Yeah. No, I didn't drink. The last time John was drinking on a plane, it didn't go well. Yeah, no. I probably just fell asleep, and they kicked me off.

It was. I think you were sleeping and just snoring so loud. If I had to guess, we get in. I was flying first class. He was a coach. And so I go this way, and he goes that way. And I know for a fact he's blacked out. And he got to his seat, and I was like, we made it.

This is all good. And then I think probably what happened was they were probably saying, you've got to put your seatbelt on or something like that, I would imagine. And you were just like – I was asleep. They woke me up to kick me off the plane. I was like, can't we just leave him? Yo, I saw flying.

And it was one of these things where I was like, I'm going to tell this story on a podcast and no one's going to believe me. And I couldn't believe, like, what I was watching. I was flying. First class. And so when you're up there, you know, they always want to take your jackets and like fold your suit jacket if you're wearing a suit jacket. All that, you know, it's all like class, whatever. So, you know, they took this guy who's been a dick the whole flight. Like not anything outrageous, but just like annoying. Like he asked if they had martinis.

They were like, what? This is a fucking airline. We don't give you cheap wine or fucking. He was like, oh, it's first class. Like 50. He like oh it's first class like 50 he goes it's first class i don't have a martini he's like looking around like martinis like no mad man yeah yeah and then he asked for like something a la carte he was like can i have a cheeseburger and french fries they were like it's on you know it's just jet blue yeah like you know you have a pre-made sandwich in a plastic bag yes well no jet blue mint the food is actually banging. Well, not for us.

No, but you didn't go mint, though. No. Did you sit mint? No, JetBlue Mint is actually the food. He's shaking his head. Yeah, you've walked past it. No, I'm kidding. But KB did.

I'm kidding. No, no, no. But JetBlue Mint, the food is actually insane. So we're flying. And when you're about to land, they give you your jackets back. And, you know, whatever. Flight attendant was, like, so nice. And she goes to give the guy who was being a dick his jacket back.

And I guess there was, like, a crease in it. Like, but who cares? Oh, my God. Fuck this guy. And he goes, come on. He goes, you creased it. And she was like, oh. Guy in a $3,600 pants.

Come on. She goes, I'm so sorry. You know, like, she was so nice. Like, this was happening right across from me. And everybody in the four or five whatever seats were like,600 pants. Come on. She goes, I'm so sorry. You know, like she was so nice. Like this was happening right across from me. And everybody in the four or five whatever seats were like, shut up, whatever. It's not that big of a deal. But he's like, and then he keeps carrying on. And like as we're like sitting, he's like, fucking unbelievable.

Like he's going like that. And then she goes, you could, you know, she still hasn't sat down in her seat yet. She's like, sir, please like calm down. Like we will take it up with you. He's like, I want your manager's number. I want the pod stamp. She's like, all that will be given to you she goes again i apologize can we offer you a complimentary drink anything like she was being beyond professional she was a woman in her like mid-50s she's being like beyond professional and she sits down like

in her seat you know they say please prepare like you know flight attendants take your seats because we're like now we're like 2,000 feet above the runway. I can see it, right? So those planes are going fast. So the guy is yelling at her. I can't see it because it's in the angle, but the guy is yelling. He's like, this is fucking uncalled for. This is a whatever.

Whatever is going on. And then out of nowhere, I see the flight attendant. She must have unbuckled the thing. She comes in his face. She goes, I will break your fucking arm. She goes, stop talking to me. She goes, this is my last week on the job. I'm about to retire.

I don't give a fuck. She goes, I will break your fucking arm. Now sit down and shut the fuck up. Yo, applause. The people in coach must must think we were clapping because we landed i was like no no no no and yo bro she was not in her seat by the time the plane started actually at the runway because i heard a thump and i think she fell into the wall she goes i will break your fucking arm shut the fuck up this is my last week on the job i'm

retiring shut up and then the pilot when we got off you know like whatever the pilot had come out i don't even think he knew about it and that guy because i had to get some bad my bags were like a couple of rows back so i had to like wait till a few people went past me that guy was like talking to the pilot like explaining the situation the flight attendant was just right there like fuming man you're like almost everybody who was sitting in first class was like he's a dick. He's wrong. He's wrong. He's wrong.

And then the pilot was like, you know, whatever he was saying, he's like, oh, we'll give you a complimentary thing, whatever. Dude, that's gotta suck. Working in customer service like that has to suck so bad. You still have to suck a dick. You still have to like fucking walk, wake up, put a dick on your back that day. I bet you they tell you, like, even if you're 100% right, if there's a complaint lodged, you just gotta-

But once those two weeks go in, oh, man. Yo, that's it, dude. I will break your fucking arm. And I was like, oh, my God, do it. I was like, do it. Man, I'd love to quit this job and fucking go out in a blaze of glory. Quit, dude. Let's do that.

Quit, dude. Let's do that soon and just fucking. Let's just fabricate it. It's almost over. Let's just pick a fight and go down in a fucking blaze of glory just because it's awesome. You could do that. Your very last show, you should do that. Fucking air it out, dude.

Air it out, man. Fucking strap KB to a fucking... I want to waterboard him. What happens when you get waterboarded, by the way? Why does it suck so much? I feel like you're going to drown. I had a friend ask me to do it to him once. Like as a way to come?

He was like – he's a very intense friend. He was going to the Marines, and he was like, I just want to know just in case I get kidnapped. Like, bro, you're going to be in fucking San Diego. Relax. What it does is it gives you the sensation of drowning without – you're never actually going to drown, so you don't have to worry about it. So it's like me being at home just on a random day with my family.

What if you don't breathe while they're doing it? Well, I think they fucking just do it until you start to inhale. Some people have been killed waterboarded. They have to have been. I mean, I'm sure, yeah. I'm sure you can. Dude, do you know that there's a disease? Not a disease.

We can do it right now. We can watch cloth waterboarders. There's a surgery out there for your, people have sinus problems called your inferior turbinates there and there was a doctor i was once a physical therapist no no i only know this because i was about to get the surgery and then the great jim norton was like be careful about that surgery you can get empty nose syndrome and i said what, what? So I had no idea. So you had inferior turbinates. I was literally scheduled for it within 24 hours of running into gym. This was two years ago. And still have a deviated septum and crippling sinus pain.

But he goes, yeah, look it up. I looked it up. So the inferior turbinates, what they do is it's a little organ in like your nasal cavity right here. And a lot of people have problems with it. It gets huge for whatever reason reason deviated septum sports or anything and it caused you a lot of sinus issues and so a lot of doctors what they'll do is they'll shave down the inferior turbinate now 99% of people no problems but 1% of people this happens so what the inferior turbinate

does is it when you're we're all breathing air right now it's the turbinate the organ is telling my brain the oxygen is good you have 99 oxygen it's all fine you're breathing it in it's all fine it's communicating with your brain sometimes in one percent of people maybe less than one percent of people when you get that thing shaved down too much and there is no way to fix this there's no surgery there is nothing they can do your brain doesn't get the message that you're getting enough oxygen. So every second of your – no, no, no. You're breathing fine.

Every second of your life, your brain thinks you're suffocating. So the people live the rest of their life. It has – you ready for this? You can Google this. Empty nose syndrome has a 90% suicide rate. Yeah. Because you can't live. Every moment of the day, it doesn't matter what you're doing.

You feel like you're suffocating constantly. You cannot get it out of your head. So the doctor's supposed to shave down a little bit. And if he shaves too much, then that happens? Yeah. So you're not even going to risk the surgery because if he fucks it up, you're going to. Yeah. And then the doctor.

I mean, that is some shit. Whatever you were going to say, I was going to make fun of you being like, oh, you pussy. Take your shot. No. Nah, not worth it. You know what's funny, too? The doctor, and I didn't know that he even knew this, but I called the doctor, and I said, because I was about to surgery, I was like, I have to cancel whatever.

I looked up this empty nose syndrome, and he was like, that's not, like, don't worry about that. He goes, that's so rare. That will not happen. He goes, I know what I'm doing. He goes, I've done 100 of these or whatever, and nobody's got an empty nose syndrome. I said, no, I really can't. So he said, who told you about empty nose syndrome

and I said I said you know he's a comedian Jim Norton he goes I know Jim Norton from Monster Rain which is like

a special where he talks about like putting cans up people's asses and banging Terry Shivo who was like yeah all that stuff it's classic special and I go

I go oh yeah you know Jim Norton he goes you're gonna take advice from Jim Norton over me and I was like yes

I defend comedy. And then traumatized. So that's fucking crazy. Am I right about that? So what would it – So you're just choosing to suffer like some regular science shit? I'd rather – unless it was to the point where it's like I can't breathe or it's going to cause like years off my life, unless that was the case, I'm like, why even

risk this? If it got to the point where you have no choice, then all right, I'll take the risk. And he's probably right. It's like. He said it's never happened. It's like you get surgery on your back. Someone could fucking slice your spinal cord open and you're dead. Right.

And that's just probably not going to happen. But it could. But I'd rather also be like, oh, I can just die in this surgery. I understand that. I could wake up and think that I'm drowning for the rest of my life. No, thanks. I'd rather die on the operating table. Yeah, absolutely.

I'd rather fucking ride away. Wouldn't that be great? Because you go under and then you just never wake up. That's it. That's a great way to go. Well, they have those in Switzerland. Oh, yeah. Dude, what do you mean?

Did you hear about this? Switzerland has like legal suicide. What's it? Euthanasia. Yeah. The first one was the suicide pods. They're called suicide clinics. Bro, I just read about this because there was this article about, like, these two nurses.

That's where KB is going to be after this episode. Suicide pods. It's like a nurse and doctor sisters from Arizona. Okay. They go on vacation in fucking Switzerland. Their family thinks they got kidnapped because they were sending texts being like, hey, we're going to stay here a few

extra days. Did you see why they thought it was a kidnapping, by the way? They misspelled your and your. That's a stretch. If Chris ever sent me Y-O-U-R instead of Y-O-U-R-E, I'd be like, he's kidnapped in Bogota or whatever. I never get those wrong. There and there, I fuck up all the time But not you

They said there were some other things Their doctors they work with were saying That was a little out of the ordinary for them But they just checked into a Swiss suicide clinic $11,000 So for $11,000 at any age you can do this? Yep They recommend that you seek therapy first And I don't know if they check it or not.

I think they're like, you should go to therapy, and you're like, I don't want to. And they go, okay. All right, fine. Let's go through this. Chronic insomnia, vertigo, and back pain. I'm three for three. Not chronic insomnia, but I don't sleep well. You can die.

There's a disease that you cannot sleep. It's a very, very rare condition where you – I watched a documentary on it where like you cannot sleep and that's what kills you. Like your brain, it never gets to the point where it can turn off ever and it eventually kills you in like three months. Because you just like run down? Yeah, and it's 100% hereditary and there's this family that has it in Massachusetts, and one kid gets it, one doesn't. And it's like they're fucking doing a test on them, and the one kid gets it and the one doesn't. I was like, oh, my God, that sucks.

That is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, they scattered their ashes all over this countryside in Switzerland. Imagine if your sister goes to Switzerland and kills herself tragically. You're like, why'd you do that? But let me scatter your rashes in Switzerland. Her family went out there and got her and scattered them? Do you have to do that?

Do you have to? I guess you just have to be 18, right? Because what if you're having a bad moment? They said, yeah. It should be like, you can sign up for this, but you have to prove you went to therapy. You have to sleep on it for three months. It's like abortion. They're like, all right, we're going to hand you a pamphlet or two here.

And like, adoption's a choice. Yeah. You can keep it. And you pretend to look at it real quick. And you go, no, I'm going to get rid of this thing. Yeah. I should do. I'm going to go to a Swiss suicide pod for the Patreon.

That's what I think I'll do. That's the last thing. Like the 10,000, 100,000 subscribers. That's what it is, baby. Now, I don't know if this story was the pods, but the suicide pod. I think that was more of a prototype. I don't think that was ever in practice.

It was a 3D printer that you can place it anywhere. But they've done it. Oh, the people have used it a good time. But it's not in in in in like the public yeah um but they um you you you you sit in it and it i think it just goes like and like just sucks all the air out and you're just like that it's crazy it's something like i think so i think they give you like a um let me see if i think russia is using bombs I think Russia is using bombs like that in Ukraine because I think the US was using – they call them like hypersonic missiles or something like that where – or hydro – hypo – some type of – it's a thermal. Some type of thermal missile where it shoots it into the sky and then it makes the oxygen in the atmosphere so hot it heats it up that it just sucks out the oxygen in like a whatever mile radius. It's just dieable. Well people either die or your lungs get scarred. Burn to death you

know I'd rather not than like flames. You'd rather go out that way you'd rather suffocate? Well no no I was under the impression it's kind of like well yeah I don't know I think they say that you kind of like it's peaceful in a way you like almost get lightheaded and pass out. I don't want to be like for like a long time. I'd rather get shot in the head. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shoot me point blank in the middle of my head. This says the Sarco Suicide Pod,

you lie down, activate the process, and within a matter of minutes. So here's what it does. It quickly brings oxygen down to 21%, from 21% to 1% in 30 seconds. And you get disorientated, and you get a euphoric feeling and then you lose consciousness and then you're dead.

It's hypoxia. It sounds pretty good. Yeah. I don't want to do that anytime soon, but when I'm old enough, when I'm dying of cancer inevitably, do that to me. You think that's how you'll go? Definitely. I mean, everybody in my family dies of cancer.

Everybody. Everyone everywhere dies of cancer. That's just called getting old. I think you're going to be, for the first time in a while you're going to be excited you're going to be you know daddy's taking the kids to the Knicks game and a homeless person

is going to push you in front of a train in front of your kids. That's how I think it's going to go down. Have you almost ever been pushed in front of a train? No.

Not pushed in front of a train. No. Where the fuck are you going? I got to pee so bad I'm holding it. Look at that. Look at Final Bird. He's got a little butt. Now that I got you alone. You. Look at that. Look at Final Bird. He's got a little butt.

Now that I got you alone. You gotta look at that. He has no ass. I mean, such a tiny little ass. You have a fat ass. You and me, you got the crown. I have a fat ass. Yeah.

He has a pair in his rotation of underwear size small. What? And he wears them. What size waist pants is he? That's what's crazy. He's like a 32. What are you, 36? Nice baby. I just bumped up from 34.

Oh, you're getting fatter. Oh, yeah. I hit two for the first time ever. You hit 200 pounds. Really? I have no muscle or anything, so it's bad. Dude, I was 250. I know.

I heard that. But I heard that popular. I was like, 250. No, but you know what's crazy? You should be in the NFL. I know, but you know what's crazy? It's 250, but I haven't drank in a week and cleaned up my diet. Now I weighed that popular. I was like, 250. No, but you know what's crazy? You should be in the NFL. I know, but you know what's crazy? It's 250, but I haven't drank in a week and cleaned up my diet. Now I weighed this morning.

I'm 239. So that's the thing. I have no willpower, but the minute that I get shamed enough and I really – I'm never going to go to the gym hard. I just need to stop eating a pint of ice cream at night. Once I start, it will fall off because it's just easy to fluctuate. Well, what's your good weight? I was like 180 when

I was like 32 and then I probably bumped up around like 190 and then pandemic fucked me. I gained weight in the pandemic that I never lost. So you've been consistently 200 pounds for two years? No, no. It's probably been like one year. And you don't hate yourself?

You hate yourself every second of the day? You wake up and hate yourself? Yeah, because I don't really care except for the fact that my large shirts, I used to not be able to see that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I used to be able to put on a t-shirt and be happy. Now I'm like, ooh, the t-shirt's showing a little too much.

The thing is, though, when we get in shape as guys, we're really getting in shape for other guys because girls couldn't care less. Which is crazy. A girl would never care about your body like that. It's guys being like, nice tits. Absolutely. That's all it is. The girl I'm sleeping with, she'll be like, you're hot.

I'm like, no, I'm not. She's like, you look fine. Feidelberg will tell me, we went to Vegas and I was swimming in the pool and he was like, you just have a normal guy body. And I look at it and I'm like, whoo. We're talking about KFC's disgusting body. What's your waist? You're like a 32 or something, right?

33, 34. Whoa, you're going European sizes. Excuse me. 33. It's because you have no ass. That's the thing, because my ass, I'm a 38. If I didn't have the ass I have, I could probably get up to a 36. Because I have to get, like, the problem is my dick and shit gets smushed.

Was this special 36? 38 waist. You were 38. Okay. I thought maybe we'd add a little bit. Are you ready for this? Here's the new news for Chrissy D. This comes out tomorrow.

I'm going to find out today. I shot and filmed a special at the Gramercy Theater. I shot and filmed it with my boy, the Homeless Pimp. We're going to put it on YouTube, right? He's great, by the way. The Homeless Pimp's number one. He lost a lot. We lost like 60 pounds just eating salads

and drinking Heinekens. That's all. He literally eats one salad a day and drinks Heinekens all day and lost 50, 60 pounds. Classic diet. I love it. Salad and Heineken diet.

Salad and Heineken's great. Yeah. And it's classic. And so we filmed this special and we were like, you know what? Because everybody said no. That's why you're here, right?

To promote your special. No, no, no. No, I'm here to promote Indianapolis, which is not selling well. So if you're in Indianapolis, come on out. April To promote your special. No, no, no. I'm here to promote Indianapolis, which is not selling well. So if you're in Indianapolis, come on out. April 8th. April 9th, Denver. But April 8th, I really fucking need you.

Or I'm going to miraculously get COVID on April 8th. I'm not fucking coming. For one night. And then I'll be back in Denver. And then Denver, I'm fucking ready to go. We got 80% of the room sold out in Denver. Not in Indianapolis. And yeah.

God, that's so stressful, right? We do it once a month month so it's not like a thing for us and even I get stressed you guys are like bam bam bam it is and it isn't because it's like

the thing is is now doing one night shows in theaters no matter what even if I don't sell you're making money the guarantee is more

than I would get to sell out every comedy club two years ago sure sure but the pride feeling of like I don't want to play to a half empty

fucking exactly but for me this trip to Indianapolis I believe the tickets will pick up comedy club two years ago. But the pride feeling of like, I don't want to play to a half-empty fucking... Exactly. But for me, this trip to Indianapolis, I believe the tickets will pick up. It's Pat McAfee. You know what's so funny? Pat McAfee, I kept trying to tweet at him or whatever. I had my agent, everybody. I never do that.

All hands on deck. Get me on the show, whatever. And then finally, somebody comes back. It's like, listen, Pat said he doesn't have guests on anymore. It's just what it is. I'm like, all right, whatever. It happens. Fine, whatever.

I swear to Christ. I saw Tom Segura this morning. I told you at the coffee shop. I go, what are you doing now? He goes, I'm calling into the Pat McAfee show. I was going to say, McAfee has like three guests a day. Yeah, all the time. I was like, oh, God.

I was like, so funny. But whatever, dude. It happens. So wait, so funny. But whatever, dude. It happens. So wait, were you announcing or whatever? Okay, so I said, because I've been saying, like, I don't care. Again, not at a level at Segura or anything, but I don't really care as much anymore about really anything. When anybody thinks of me at all, because I put my career in the hands of my fans on youtube and patreon and my podcast and my tickets tripled i went from clubs to theaters my whole life

changed financially yeah everything changed and so i said we're gonna put this comedy everybody said no hbo all of them were like no you have to do this you have to do that i was like you know what fuck you guys why am i even thinking about corporations when i go the exact opposite and that's what my career really starts. So we made this money special. And we're going to put it on YouTube, on my YouTube, April 6th, which is next week. And then my agent was like, you know what? Let me just send it.

Let me just send it around because this is a beautifully shot special. So we send it. Now Netflix is going to buy it. Oh, yeah. Netflix is like, congratulations. So now Netflix is like. Dude, you dropped that so casually. It's what it is, it. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. So now Netflix is like. Dude, you dropped that so casually. It's what it is, baby.

Chrissy Cash. What is that? So right now. And that's beautiful. So it's done. So they just got to air it? Well, here's the thing. Netflix is going to drop it.

Netflix is going to buy it and put it out. But you're still going to see portions of it on my YouTube. Because I said I will not give this all to you. Some of it has to be on youtube because i won't take it away the fans gave me everything so i'm like they have to be able to watch it for free and they said sure so i don't know what the you know definitive deal is yet but it's going to come out no later than late april it has to because some of those jokes are about covid in the ukraine which might be wiped off the map so and they said i can you know the only the only problem is they were like, you gotta, you know, with YouTube, you name it whatever you want. Netflix,

they're like, you know, things have to be specific names, because I think I was going to call it Speciweshi. I was going to name it New York's Finest. But now, maybe I'll for Netflix, I don't know, maybe I'll name it Chappelle is Trans, because it's on Netflix. Imagine I named it Chappelle is Trans.

Do you think they would go for that? I think that's unbelievable. You should try. Yeah. Submit that and see what they say. Even saying what I just said. And this is not sabotage because I would love to have a special on Netflix. I truly, truly was.

But even if they heard that right now, what I just said, they're like, oh, you blew it for yourself. I actually wouldn't care. I want to do it. Don't get me wrong. It's a bonus. Okay. I'll put it on YouTube then.

Like the original plan was that nothing stops right you know no I mean that's that's where they're losing those types of institutes and entities

are losing a little bit of their power and they know it you know yeah because the thing is is like you know to be honest it's like you know

selling it to like what's the upside unless you want to fucking back up the Brinks truck for me at HBO like I want people to see my special

I'm trying to get from 1,000 seaters everywhere but indianapolis to 2 000 seaters that's my goal is to get to the next level you know more tickets so that's what i think is important too because i think uh a lot of comics are now falling in love with the youtube special aka nobody bought bought it and you know like i'll just do it on youtube like you have to do it on youtube right and it like if you're not selling more tickets or getting it it's like, okay, so you had a big viral video that means. You know what I mean? Like what does that really do for you? So – because now I think, you know, there just has to be something behind the YouTube video that you actually capitalize on.

So that's why, you know, for me if it went to Netflix, that would be good because it's like I got, you I got kind of – we did originally – the original plan was just to the people. But the corporations – Do you negotiate that? What do you mean? Like you told Netflix the price? Do you have an agent that does that today? No, the price is what it is. It's not great money.

But for me, it's not about the money. Like for real, it's not about the money at all. It's about the exposure. Especially if you get to also put it on YouTube. No, but that's what it was. So you get a little bit of money. You get the Netflix status thing. And then let's say a few weeks later, a month later, they let you put it on YouTube.

I told my agent, who's a very powerful agent, who's been in the game a long time, genius guy. I was like, if it's not on YouTube, there's no deal. He was like, that's ridiculous. I said, if it's not on YouTube, there's no deal. That's what it is. I was like, I don't care. Yeah, but you sell finance special. I'm like, this is zero dollars.

I don't care about the money. I mean, I care about the money, but I don't. So it's a long run. They're like, you, I was like, I don't care. They're like, but yeah, but you saw finance special. I'm like, this is zero dollars. I don't care about them. I mean, I care about the money, but I don't. It's a long run. This is long run. I want people to see it. I want them to share it and see it.

So he said, this is the only way it works. And they said, all right, well, that's the way it works. That's the way it works. So where are you at right now?

Like order, um, ticket sales, Patreon, podcasts, ads, like what's your order of income? Probably income.

Probably I would say it's a tie with ticket sales and podcasting. The thing is now what's happened is even – I still obviously keep going, keep getting bigger. But even getting on the road every weekend now is – I'm still doing it. I'm still going to do it. But it's not as appetizing anymore because I'm like I'm still doing it. I'm still going to do it, but it's not as appetizing anymore because I'm like, I could sit at home. Because if you remove like God, like my God is not money anymore.

I'm not like, oh, I got to get every dollar. I don't think like that anymore. I'm like, no, it's actually time. I don't want to miss so much time with my kids. So I'm like, if I'm going to go on a plane and do this and do that and not make the money, I'm like, I can live'm like i can live i literally can live comfortably just doing my podcast like i wouldn't have to change much you know with the

way the and the podcast it only gets bigger each month the ads get a little bit more money the patreon goes a little bit higher i get a little bit more fans i go on your guy's show i go on saguro i one day get on rogan it's like these things go and then maybe not roan We might need to let In that shift maybe There might be one I'm gonna let go Yeah Yeah Just band together with Soder

Yeah I know I know Oh yeah Soder's never done it either You two are I literally say this You can check the fucking tapes I slobber on both your dicks Anytime somebody asks me like

Out of everyone who's come through I say Soder and DeStefano Are the two most naturally funny guys that have ever come through. You're that KB? And so Joe Rogan does... Fuck Joe Rogan and KB. Fuck them all. Yeah, can the name of this episode be Fuck KB?

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I was already in the fucking cards, babe. No, yeah, no. So I think it's a beautiful thing when your fans are there to see you. And it's a different thing when like your fans are there like to see you and it's like a different kind of pressure now because i used to go to the show and maybe i don't know 10 of the audience you know who i was the rest got barked in or they got a fucking free ticket whatever so

it was fun now it's 2 000 people there for you for me so it's so you know it's a lot of mental energy like i realized like i got to get to the city the night before usually i gotta like meditate a little bit for the show because i want to give them a good show. The ticket price went up. I want to give them my all. We started feeling that for the first time because at Barstool you never know. You know, we know we have a good crowd, but like sometimes it's like, well, they're all Barstool fans or they just happen to listen to us or whatever. But yeah, I mean the last show we did at the Wilbur.

They were for you. Yeah, and like when we came out, the fucking crowd went like wild. I was like, whoa, that feels good. No, I know. How is it doing a live podcast? Is it scripted? No. Well, you just completely like you do.

Sit down, turn the mics on, see what happens. It's not totally like that. We'll have a couple times I've asked you to film a video asking a question. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll do a segment like that. We do our show. So on our show, we have a segment called Am I the Asshole? Actually, you know what?

Do you have time? Yes. Let's do some Am I the Asshole? And can you cue up the voicemails? Because what we do is basically our show. So the only thing is the first segment is more just where me and John tell a story. So luckily, we had this silly thing happen where I was filming a video earlier that day. So all of a sudden, I had a great story to tell.

But if I didn't have that, I don't know. We probably would have bullshitted about something else. Do some crowd work. It's like interactive. Do you do a lot of crowd work at theaters? I do. I still can't do crowd work because I still get it. When we were doing Caroline's, I could do some crowd work.

I think you're pretty good at it. They were like in my lap. Yeah, they're like right. But at a theater, I can't. But the Wilbur there, the Wilbur there right on top. The Wilbur's a great room for comedy. I do crowd work in the sense of someone will tweet us and be like, I'm going on a first date tonight.

First time we've ever hung out at your show. So then I can be like, where's the girl on the first date? I'm not quick enough yet to be like, okay, you look funny. You have a funny outfit. You're fat. You're whatever. I'm still scared enough yet to be like, okay, you look funny. You have a funny outfit. You're fat. You're whatever. I'm still scared to look at people. I'm still trying to look right at the lights.

Dude, we were at it. I'm like, I don't want to. I don't have that kind of like. Town Hall was it? Or Gramercy when we were in New York recently? Gramercy Theater. We sold out the place. And there was like two seats where, I don't know, people didn't show up or they moved

or whatever. And John saw those two seats. They were in his field of vision. He was like, the place was empty. It's all I thought about the whole. Bro, I know. People didn't show up or they moved or whatever. And John saw those two seats. They were in his field of vision. He was like, the place was empty. It's all sold out. It's all I thought about the whole. Bro, I pulled my hat down. I was like, this is our best show ever at the time.

And he was like, we bombed. We all do that. What the fuck are you talking about? We focus on the negative. I think, though, with live performance, me, sometimes I do crowd work. It depends. But I do think whatever it takes to kill. Because the part of it being live is they could just watch me do my jokes on youtube or whatever netflix whatever like i want to try to like do

those jokes but also be interactive say be be on your toes you know that's why i think i struggle the most with like if i think you pay money and come out to a theater or like you and especially it's the same stages guys like you are on i feel like you're supposed to be laughing every fucking second and a podcast sometimes we're just bullshitting and it's the same stages guys like you are on. I feel like you're supposed to be laughing every fucking second. And a podcast, sometimes we're just bullshitting. And it's like a funny conversation, but it's not a laugh out loud conversation. I think podcasting, in my opinion, is interesting, is the most important, then funny. So I think you get away with it. If it's interesting and engaging, then funny.

But if you're sitting there, you paid money for a ticket, you brought your girl out, it's a night out on the town, and we're just kind of telling a story about my mom. And it's interesting. But is it Friday night at the theater interesting? I personally think yes. Because I think people are such big fans. They just want to be in the room with you. We've done gimmicks and shit.

And we were in Philly. And in my opinion, our worst show ever. We kind of bombed. What venue? Fillmore? No. Helium. Philly's a tough crowd. Always. You know what we learned we made fun of making fun of snowballs at santa and shit

and they got like legit mad and i was like whoa you guys are fucking pussies about this i know they're i mean it was also like to be fair like it's probably kind of hacky it was definitely like it was definitely santa sure but it was like you know it was almost like intentionally obviously hacky like top five things about philly definitely hacky. Snowballs at Santa. Sure. But it was like, you know, it was almost like intentionally, obviously hacky, like top five things about Philly. And we were like, snowballs at Santa and fucking this, you know, cheese stick, you know, whatever. But afterwards they were like, that was cool. It was a good show. But like, really, we just wanted to like see your show.

And it's almost impossible for me to think that people like us. Yeah. No, I guess. I'm still getting over that. No, there's this, I think that what happens with comics Certainly happens to me There's this imposter syndrome Because there's no route to get here You don't have imposter syndrome

When you become a doctor or a lawyer or a school teacher Because you have to go to school and get qualified There's a test you have to take to pass There's no test to pass It's like you kind of either make it or you don't I also think you guys had so many years of failure That it's hard you kind of either make it or you don't yeah and i also think you guys had so much so many years of failure oh and it's hard even if you've made it you're like well the last 20 years of failing has fucked me up no dude i i think i told you this once too on when i did david letterman the first time they wouldn't book me i kept doing the five minutes that was doing so

well and they just wouldn't book me for like three months and then finally i went to this place uh uh where the fuck did I go? Somewhere. The Village Lantern. They saw me at. And I bombed with that five minutes for like ten people from Sweden or some shit. Like bombed. And then they booked me a week later because they were like, when I did the show, they were like, we just needed to make sure that you could bomb comfortably and that you could fail professionally. That's all we needed to see.

And I was like, wow. It was like a good learning lesson. I was like, oh. So it's about like how you fail a lot of times not anybody can succeed and i don't even learn when i kill i don't learn really much you learn when you bomb and you're like oh don't do why did that not work well not even don't do it's like how do you make that work you know that becomes like a challenge but um so that's good next time we bomb like this is a good thing yeah we're positive well i mean we did that At the Wilbur We did like

So we had our first show Where we had like Segments that were like Oh it didn't really work So we just cut it For the second show Yeah yeah And then we did something else

You do multiple shows In a night a lot Yeah Yeah but But to be honest I did two at the Wilbur But I guess you have your routines You just do it twice right

Yeah that And it's also like You know listen It's just the money becomes You know too good to pass up sometimes But I will say This theater tour That I've been on recently It's been one show in every city because it's a little bit of a bigger venue. I had a couple of opportunities to add second shows and maybe would have gotten to halfway sold or whatever.

Yes, basically exactly what happened to us this time. I heard Louis C.K. say, what's the best review of a comedy show is I couldn't get in. Yeah. So you leave them. And also for me, it's like doing a show at 7, 730, being literally Yeah. That's what, so you leave them and also for me, it's like doing a show at 7, 7.30, being literally out the door

at 9.15 where you can go and explore a cool city and have a dinner. It becomes like about my life too. We were done, you know, I was,

I don't want to be done at 2 a.m. When it's 7 o'clock and I'm like, all I got to do is we'll be done by 8.15, bro. And then I'm good. I can go to sleep.

I can jerk off, whatever. And it was like, we'll be done by 8.15. We got to take an an hour in between then we got to do another hour and a half now all of a sudden becomes an 11 one of the hardest parts of the hardest part of comedy for me is the weight yeah waiting i remember thinking let's just do it again so richard lewis i i opened up once for richard lewis in 2011 maybe i was doing comedy a year or two. It used to be the House MC at Caroline's Comedy Club in the city. So Richard Lewis does this. He will – he does not wait.

He comes into the room for the first show. Like he will come in. Somebody will radio him in. If the show is 7 o'clock, I go up for 15 minutes. He comes in at 7.14 right on stage. When that show is over, immediately out back to his hotel room. We'll come back at 9.35 or 9.45 whenever the second show starts. That's how it is.

I was told that. I had maybe 10 minutes of material. Sold out. Caroline, six shows sold out. 400 people in the room. You know, whatever. Big, big club. You know, again, doing comedy two years. I know nothing. So, that's how it worked. The two shows Thursday. Everything was fine. And I would get that light.

I would have one minute left I'd bring Richard up it was all good the Saturday show the 7 o'clock show goes off fine normal you don't see him

whatever last show of the night I'm feeling good I'm waiting I have the same closer it's the same thing I'm waiting for the light don't see it

right and I'm like oh okay and I'm looking I don't see the light weird I see the owner of the club go like this and I was like which means keep doing more time and i'm like oh okay and i'm looking i don't see the light weird i see the owner of the club go like this and i was like which means keep doing it oh no and i was like okay i don't know

that i necessarily have more time but whatever so i'm like okay i do another joke you know it doesn't work whatever kind of like just going on beating around the bush three or four minutes go by now i'm like panicking right so so i go like i just put the mic i was like richard it's time to go yeah and then the crowd goes oh richard and then and then lewis is like and i was like oh my god so now you just got to be professional i don't have any material so 400 people there i may be by the way here's let me tell you what happened i'll tell you what i did richard lewis had gotten into some car accident in his Uber or car service in between shows. And I think the driver was drunk or something like that.

So he had to stay on scene legally. So he was supposed to be there at 9.30 or whatever, 9.31. He doesn't show up until 10.20. 50 minutes I was on stage with 10 minutes max of material. Two years in, 50 minutes. I asked, I genuinely in my heart believe, I asked all 400 people where they were from and who had a birthday. I got to the point

35, 40 minutes in. If you were in that show, you know it's there. I started asking, hey, anybody else want to try stand-up? One guy's like, I do. Bring them on. Give them a clap. We're clapping like that. Off to the side. I swear to God, Richard Lewis then comes on. You know, finally, I get the line. I'm like, get that gun.

I'm like, he's here. The crowd's going nuts, whatever. And they were like actually on my side. Because I was then just being honest. And that kind of was a good lesson for me, too, about being vulnerable. Like the vulnerability, I kind of think I naturally went into. A lot of people were like, I like how you were just being honest. I was like, I have no material material I don't know what to do

this is this itch like doing that and it kind of was getting off on it because you know that becomes a podcast basically yes you're just talking about a situation that you've been in that's kind of what I did and it kind of was good for me to do it because when I came off even though I didn't really have 50 minutes I was like I just stood up there for 50 fucking minutes it was a big confidence booster

so you know going crazy Richard Lewis, Richard Lewis, and Richard Lewis comes on. He goes, so sorry. He goes, give it up for Steven. And I was like,

Steven? You probably didn't step in all the way. No, no, he didn't know my name at all. And then he didn't, never apologized, never nothing.

I waited until the end of the show. I was like, wow, was I crazy? He was like, yeah. And then like his assistant or whatever told me what happened. And I was like,

yeah, it was a pleasure, pleasure working with you. And he outright said, he like, yeah, it was a pleasure working with you. And he outright said, yeah, I didn't listen to anything you said, but seems like the crowd thought you were okay. He's like, so, yeah, keep going, whatever you want to do. And then just walked out the back door. Whatever it is, baby.

He goes, keep going or whatever you want to do. That's a quote. Keep going or whatever you want to do. Keep going, moving on. Whatever you want to do. Head to Switzerland, go to a suicide clinic going or whatever you want to do. Keep moving on. Whatever you want to do. Head to Switzerland, go to a suicide clinic. Do whatever you want to do. That was the most wild thing that happened to me in comedy.

That is great. All right, let's do this. These are the segments that we do at the show. And these actually, both of these will fit perfectly because it's about marriage. Oh, Joey, come ask this text to me. Oh, you guys. Chrissy KFC Cox. Come say hi before you leave. Yeah. He wants to fuck you and you want to me Chrissy KFC Cox come say hi before you

leave he wants to fuck you and you want to fuck him you mean again have you seen him come on his own face he comes on his own face I do this every time

text him and say send me the gif of you coming on your own face send me it's one of the most impressive things you'll ever see in your life I think Kevin

might jerk off to this I'm gonna try to come on my own face and I'll and I'll stitch it like on TikTok, and we'll be both of us coming on each other's faces. All right. Am I the Asshole is brought to you by 3Chi. You are an asshole if you are not getting down with 3Chi. Skip the dispensary and get it delivered right to your door, where you can get 5% off Delta

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We read a situation, you've got to decide who the asshole is. Am I the asshole for deciding to not let my husband in the delivery room? 29-year-old female, husband's 30. We've been together for 8 years. I'm 8 months pregnant, almost nine with a girl. In my husband's family, there's a tradition of naming a baby. Not, there's a tradition of naming a baby before it's born. The name is embroidered onto a blanket that has been passed down from generation to generation,

and the baby is wrapped in the blanket when it's born. I'm trying to come up with a name we both like, but for some, the names, blah, blah, blah. My husband has been getting annoyed with me lately and telling me to just pick a name for the baby. As his grandmother's name was Beatrice, he wants to name her that, but I just don't like it. I mean, you can't name a kid fucking Beatrice. Come on.

I wanted to have a list of names so that when I see her, I can name her after what I think is appropriate. Although it can sound odd, I wanted to see the baby, but I've decided not to so that I can please his family. In honor of my late sister,

I want to name her Jessica. That was before she passed away from a heart attack. Oh, great. It means a lot to me. That was her name before she passed away. She had a heart attack? How old was she? I was going to say that's fucking weird, right?

Jesus Christ. It means a lot to me, but I hadn't told him that particular name because I didn't want to hear any insults about it. Every time I suggest a name, he attacks it. Today, his mother was pressuring me to suggest a name, and I just blurted out Jessica. After a pause and a laugh, she said it was a name for a large girl, and that it was a very unsuitable name.

Like that fat bitch sister who had a heart attack. It's making sense. It's making sense. Yeah, you know your fat sister died of a heart attack. She was Jessica. We're not going to name our baby that. She went on to ask me if I wanted the baby to be ugly, and if I was trying to ruin its life before it was even born. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anger and asked her to stop talking more harshly than I should have.

Annoyed, she told me to leave the house. Not wanting to cause a further argument, I left. When I returned, my husband explained to me that he was extremely disappointed in my actions. As he is close with his sister, he struggled with his frustrations. Hang on, let me cut. This is long. He's close with his sister. The next

day, she was at my doorstop and told me that she decided on a name and then said my decor was tacky. She said the baby was named Correa. It's like, now I'm starting to be on just... I knowy. I don't know. She said the baby was named Corinne after her mother. It's like now I'm starting to be on just – I know. I know.

I know. I know. I got to deal with this family. It just rambles on and on and on. Maybe it's better. So, yeah. I mean, basically the sister's being a bitch. The mom's being a bitch.

I packed my things, went to my older sister's house. They've been trying to contact me for a few days now. I've decided that I'm not telling the family when I go into labor. And I'm not going to allow them anywhere near me when I'm birthing the child. So long story short, she's got a bunch of bitch people in her family, but she's going to try to just secretly give birth. Okay. Who's the asshole here?

Who's the asshole? I mean, her for writing such a long rambling. Yeah. Holy shit. But two, I mean, I don't know. I don't think any. I mean, I think it's complicated, right? I mean, I guess I see because she's saying that her family's saying don't name the kid Jessica because she's fat and ugly.

And I guess the sister then came and said, that's a pretty asshole thing to say. When your clearly fat and ugly sister died of a heart attack. And that's who it's named after. But the sister. We knew it before she died. But here's the thing, though. And again, here's the thing again here's the thing though there's not a chance in hell you can be so fat that you die of a heart attack and your sister's not also pretty fat yeah i don't think that she's a supermodel it's gotta

be a fat fucking family which is fine big fat people right but everyone's gotta be fat how about this part though i i did kind of glance over it but the husband's sister showed up and said the baby's name is going to be connie after my mother she said that was not a name that me or my husband picked so the fucking sister showing up being like i got the name for your baby no dude you're my you're my you're my sister-in-law the parents yeah the parents of the baby choose the name. Yeah. I mean, that's – but all of that being said, you cannot sneaky do labor.

You can't, like, not tell the husband. You can tell – you got to tell the husband. You can tell the mother and the fucking sisters that they're not coming in. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, but you – I mean, you can't – you're the 100% definitive asshole unless you don't want this guy in your life. Right.

Well, I think what I'm getting from this email, what I'm really getting from this email, I think you want to have secret labor because the father's not the father. Your kid's coming out black. That's not a bad theory. Secret labor. She's coming up with all this other shit.

You got some bullshit. My husband's Asian. You're an overweight white girl. You got a black baby daddy. And embrace it, girl. Embrace it. That's not bad, man. I remember, I think it was when Shay was born, their mom's dad showed up.

And he was at work that day and basically brought a guy he works with who was kind of like a family friend, one of those fake uncles. But, like, Caitlyn had, like, just given birth. Right. And I think his nickname was Dinky. Like, Dinky's in the fucking room. I think the placenta's, like, in a box right there. And she's like, hey, Dad. Hey, Dinky.

The baby's, like, still covered in goo. Like, sometimes people, you know, the labor room, people lose their minds kind of. When Delilah was born, my oldest daughter, six years ago, my father, wow, almost seven, my father fucking walked in to the delivery room while Jasmine was legitimately crowning. My mother was in there, which she said it was okay. My dad walked in holding the New York Post. That's what I mean. And he walked in, and Jasmine just said, she was like, what are you doing? Get out. And he goes, my dad's just so cool. York Post. He had the holding newspaper. And he walked in and Jasmine just said,

she was like, what are you doing? Get out. He goes, my dad's just so cool. He's like, we're having a baby. And my dad and my, and she was like, she was like, get out. My mother, you know, they divorced. She's like, Tony, get out of here.

What are you doing? She's like, oh my God. And then he's like, all right, all right, I'll go. He's like, Cashman isn't even signing any free agents. No, I swear to God. He walks out. He goes, and he goes, yo, Chris, Sabathia got fucking rocked

last night. And then he knew we were having a girl. I was fucking joking. We had a gender reveal. We had a gender reveal months before. He knew it was a girl. Chrissy gender reveals? Chrissy gender reveals, CGR.

Was it a big Puerto Rican quinceanera type thing? Yeah. We had Pitbull performing. And so my dad knows that we had had he was at the gender reveal he goes what are we doing there boy or girl i'm like you genuinely know it was a girl he goes those things ain't always right i'm like 99 of the time they are what did you think the pink smoke was for such an idiot all right this is the second one am i uh the asshole for firing the babysitter for being a bad influence? This one's a little shorter.

Don't worry. My wife and I hired a babysitter, Adeline, 18, for our kids who are eight months, two, four, five, and seven. Four fucking kids. Nice Amish family. Yeah, there's three girls and two boys. A few months ago, Adeline is great with the kids. She's the only babysitter that can handle so many young kids. A couple of problems is that she's consistently late.

It's irritating. Another thing is after she gets in bed, she spends the rest of the night on her phone and her laptop. She never cleans up the playroom. She's always messy. Another problem is that her outfits can be a little... Here we go. Her outfits can be a little inappropriate for the kids. Crop tops, short skirts, dresses that are too short, low-cut shirts. I've asked my wife...

For the kids or for the husband? Oh, this is the husband writing this? I didn't see this coming. I've asked my wife to talk to her about it. I felt that it would be more comfortable for a woman, but she refused even though she admitted that she would like her to wear slightly less revealing clothing. My parents are in town, and they wanted to take the kids on a walk.

While on the walk, they saw Adeline on a run wearing a sports bra and shorts that barely covered anything. All of my kids had seen it, and we heard about it and how Adeline was without a shirt for days. My five-year-old has also been talking about how pretty she is and that he's going to marry her when she's older. So this is just a rocket fucking babysitter. Marry her now, dude. Pull a car on Malone. I decided to fire her because of the reasons I listed. When I told my wife, she started screaming at

me because she thinks Adeline is a great babysitter and is reasonably priced. Yeah, she's 18. She probably fucking no money. Give her anything. I said she's a bad influence. Am I the asshole for finding my baby's update? My wife was able to get through to Adeline. She'll come back for $45 an hour, and we're getting her a car.

So they end up bringing her back. Bro, you fired a chick because she wore crop tops, and now you have to buy her a car? Would you fucking come in her, too? I think that's what this is about. I actually can understand a scenario. I think I had a friend. They didn't get this far, but they were looking through au pairs, and he said no to a super hot one because he was like, I don't want any.

It's just drama. And he was not like, I'm fucking, girls want to fuck me. I'm going to bang this chick. He was just like, I don't want it. I don't want to have a pretty girl. It's just a bad idea. For me, it wouldn't even be with the wife or with anything. It would be with, in my experience with my own family and in movies it's the dad that has

to bring them home and like i'd be so i'd be so awkward in the car on the way home like hey i don't actually want to fuck you i don't actually want to fuck you i don't and she's sitting there thinking he's gonna try and fuck him he's gonna try and fuck me that's all it is it's all it's all the media teaches you if you're like if, this girl is clearly hot, too. It's like you all have to know the jokes and the Hollywood people who did fuck the nanny and the babysitter. It's like we are a walking stereotype right now. Yeah. And I just don't want to deal with that.

I get it. Yeah, no, I don't have a nanny now, but we are looking. I'm only looking at amputees. I need my nanny to be missing a limb. You know what I mean? Amputee nanny, if you're out there, I'm only looking at amputees. I need my nanny to be missing a limb. You know what I mean? Amputee nanny, if you're out there, I'm looking for you. Like most guys would be like, what are you doing? Of course, you should take the hot girl.

No, no, no, no. That's going to be a fucking headache. But I don't know how he ended up fucking getting gouged for that price shit. Yeah, $45 an hour. Raising from $20 an hour to $45 an hour hour plus you got to get her a fucking C class. Dude, I'll fucking I'll just fuck you instead. I don't know.

You could work for Barstool with that. That's real money, baby. You know what that is? That probably is I fucked you. I have to fire you. She said,

oh, I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell the world some things. Okay, never mind. Here's a raise and a car. Here's a raise. But the thing is she'll still tell eventually.

Yeah, eventually. You just got to let him do it. I would let him do it. Just let him go. Yeah, just fucking tell the world, and I'll end up in page six. It's no big deal. Move on. Let's do some voicemails real quick, and we'll get Chrissy out of here.

Where am I going? I got nowhere to go. Zach, hang it in the water. Oh, here's the gif. It's incredible. He sent it? Is that real, though? Yeah.

Oh, he sent it. Wow. Is that pretty like a porn hub? No, he filmed himself and then he fucking gifted, which is so arrogant. It got leaked on Pornhub. Oh, okay. So now it is on. Yeah.

Well, no, he got it taken down, but he shows everyone here. I was going to say, he loves it. I mean, I guess if you have a real job, that sucks. But like, I feel like if you're a gay guy, you're saucy, minxy little gay guy, it's kind of cool to be on Pornhub. I've never in my life shot a load like that. That's incredible. No, yeah, never.

When I was like 17, I once fired one into the wall, and that's when I was brand new and I just had a fucking force of a fire hose. Now it's like – No, no, never. It drips out. Yeah. It's like – Sometimes I'll feel it. Did I cum?

I don't even know. Well, sometimes I'll feel the sensation, and then the cum will come like 30 seconds later. I'm like, is it even there? Just like so delirious. Sometimes I'll be so dehydrated I got to pull it out of my dick. Like fucking silly string. That is a fucking load and a half. How perfect is that though?

If like a guy, whatever guy you sent that to was like, yo, let me see you cumming and you get that. I mean, is it? That's the best sexed video that's ever been sent. Yeah. Truthfully. You know, you'll be like, yo, baby, send me something and you get that? I mean, is it? That's the best sexed video that's ever been sent. Yeah, truthfully. You know, baby, send me something and you get that? Holy shit. I'm going to try to do that.

It won't even reach my belly button. You're going to try and do that? No, never. Do you know how hard, like, if you're just down here to get it up and over? That's a 10. No fucking shot, man. I like it doing shot. What do we got with this bitty bop?

Oh, here we go. All right, Voicemails with Chrissy D are brought to you by Sling TV. shot man I like it doing shot what do we got with this this bitty bop oh here we go all right voicemails with Chrissy D are brought to you by Sling TV if you're worried about where to watch the tournament games as we wrap up here uh it's time that you got Sling it's the cheapest place to watch college basketball it's the cheapest place to watch exclusive barstool content like the Brandon Walker show Benchmob's Bracket Buzz Kelly Ke Keegs' show on Sunday nights. Sling is the place where your favorite sports channels are like ESPN, FS1, TNT, and more all come together for less. It's easy to set up.

It's easy to use. There's no contracts. Sign up now and try it absolutely free. No matter what you're into, Sling is where you can find the live sports you love all in one place. Go to sling.com slash barstool to sign up and try it for free. KFC and Feinberg and everybody else. I did a video voicemail like, I don't know, a couple months ago. And so funny, my coworker watches the YouTube and she was like, wait, oh my God, is that

Paige? And we had no idea that either of us ever even watched the show. So it was really funny. But anyway, I was listening to you guys break down the Chris Rock Will Smith thing. And I'm just more surprised that he didn't like Chris Rock just didn't quit. Like I'm sure his contract doesn't say like continue if you get slapped in the face by somebody. I mean like I get yelled at sometimes at work that's pretty bad and I'm like, is this worth it? But if somebody like actually puts their hands on me, I'm just throwing my hands up, done, quit. I don't, I don't really care. And I'm leaving. And I honestly think that's what Chris

Rock should have did. I don't know why anybody didn't just like stop it I think it's so strange so really my question to you is like what's like one thing that would happen to you a day at work where you would just like put your hands up and be like I'm done I'm done I agree with her that if you have a shitty regular job and someone were to slap you in the face I'd be like

I'm out of here and I'm suing and I'm fucking done I think in this I thought Chris Rock was remarkably composed given yeah Will Smith just slapped the shit out of here and I'm suing and I'm fucking done. I think in this – I thought Chris Rock was remarkably composed. Yeah, Will Smith just slapped the shit out of me. That was his best moment in life. He had bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People were saying he was stumbling and stammering.

I was like, no, he wasn't. He wasn't stammering. That ain't stammering. I mean, he looked over at a producer to be like, what do I do? And then he just continued. That's what I mean. He didn't even say to someone off camera, should I keep going? He just kept going.

Maybe that's – if that were to happen to you, would you just keep the show going or would you – I feel like even if I tried to keep the show going, I at least would be talking to a producer or being like, what the fuck are you doing now? If the guy just slapped me and then walked back into the crowd – Would you throw hands? Would you have made a joke about Jay to fucking other guys? I mean, in that situation, I mean, first of all, it's very difficult to make those people laugh. I mean, it's easy to say what I think I'd do.

I don't think I would have swung back at Will. Maybe I would have. But I think I probably, I think personally, if I didn't hit him, I probably would have not, like, brought up the people I was supposed to bring up. back with a joke i probably i pro i think personally if i didn't hit him i probably would have not like brought up the um people i was supposed to bring up i would have been like in the moment but like are you serious like some type of altercation verbal altercation with him like when he said uh you know keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth like and chris was like i am like whatever i think that just the man in me would have been like not saying chris isn't a man

i mean what he did was very manly but i was like you I think me because I would have been so irate would have been like what who the fuck are you like you know I mean I loved when he was like I had drop kicked him in the back as soon as he turned around yeah that was the turnaround was even crazier he slapped and walked away being like you're not gonna do shit he kind of smirked yeah it was cocky until he got to the end of the stage and fucking ran and drop kicked him. Do you think there are people who are on Will Smith's side, like a healthy portion of people? I saw a New York Post tweet. I'm going to pull up the article.

It said, like, poll reveals that over half the country is on Will Smith's side. I was jokingly on his side for a while. I do think that there is – I do think the people, I am 0% on his side for real. But the, I think the people who are like, violence is never the answer, you can't hit someone, I think those people are wrong.

I think like, yeah, you can. Violence is the answer. But I don't think that was an example. Huh? I don't think that was an example where you can though, right? I think you can hit people

for whatever the fuck you want to hit a person for. Obviously, there should be ramifications though. You shouldn't, if you hit them, that's fine, but you have to then,

something has to happen to you. But that's what people mean when they say, you know. I think obviously on a fucking stage we're talking about something different

in a comedy show about a very benign joke. Obviously, it's different, but when people are talking broadly, like you can't hit someone just for using words.

Yes, you can. Well, that's like Bill Burr, like never hit a woman. Never? Never? The New York Post tweets so fucking much that it's impossible. You can. Well, that's like Bill Burr, like never hit a woman. Never? Never? The New York Post tweets so fucking much that it's impossible. Oh, wait, it's up there?

Oh. Who was more wrong? Chris Rock, 52%. I mean, that is... That's crazy. The nanas. Wow. Because people are just so bent on fucking alopecia. They're just so...

Like, they think alopecia is a baby who died of cancer and you were making fun of it. Right. It's nuts. Right, right, right. Like, in what world is that appropriate behavior? You could even say, like, yo, is it right or wrong? I don't care. Well, I think the income thing is, like, a little revealing in the sense of the people who make under 25 000 mostly say chris rock was wrong but then as you get to 150 000 it flips and mostly will smith and it gets incrementally higher as the income goes up

because i think the people make under 25 000 feel like you know they get made fun of a lot you know we don't have anything because they those people blame problems on everybody else where the people who make the money are just like We take our world into our own hands And they're like all I saw was a criminal They're like all I see is a criminal All I see is a guy who did a criminal act It's like of course he's wrong

Like you see one group is confident with themselves Over 150k One group is not confident with themselves And even through that education If you're uneducated and poor, you probably don't have as much confidence as you should. Look at this, though. You blame.

I mean, I guess this makes sense, but I'm still surprised 57% of females are on Will Smith's side. I mean, that makes perfect sense. Because of the alopecia thing. Which, by the way, I don't even believe Jayna has alopecia. I think she shaved her head.

She has a good amount of hair for someone with alopecia. I think she fully shaved her head and was like, just in case this looks like shit, I'll say I has alopecia. I think she shaved her head. She has a good amount of hair for someone with alopecia. I think she fully shaved her head and was like, just in case this looks like shit, I'll save alopecia. All of the women in my life were like,

I would be mortified if a man ever did that to me. Like, don't ever do that. Attitude towards the Bible. I don't know any girls who are on this side. Attitude towards the Bible? Bible is the literal word of God. God damn it.

These people are fucking retarded. It's so funny. That is just ridiculous, dude. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think most, I personally think he's, I mean, Will Smith, like he doesn't shake it off so easy. No, I mean, he's totally hurting, dude. It's the actions after the slap was the bigger problem to me. The terrible speech.

No apologizing to everybody. The narcissism is the thing that's nauseating. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess I used to think Will Smith was a cool guy, and it's like, oh, no. But he flies under the radar. Cruz gets all the shit for being a Scientologist. People forget that.

That's why he says he's not a Scientologist. I saw someone say he got out in 2015. Dude, he fucking financed not a Scientologist. I saw someone say he got out in 2015. You don't get out. He financed an entire Scientology school. Did you hear the conspiracy about it? In Scientology, if someone above you disrespects you, you have to slap them or you get slapped. So I think he was probably just like, I have to. No, I think Jada Pickett Smith is above him and was like, if I don't go and slap Chris Rock for the disrespect, she's going to slap me.

Right. Because they said the fact that it was a slap is a different thing. Right. That's what they're supposed to do. Yeah. And so he was probably like, yeah. I mean, it definitely is more disrespectful. Because I think a slap is at least like you're going to have the shock.

And, like, you punch someone, you're fighting. Yeah. You punch someone, you might knock them out or you're fighting. I think of a slap as like like, a parent to a child. Like, I decide. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a parent. I'm disciplining you almost.

Do you think Chris Rock was, like, leaning into it because he thought that he was going to, like, put him in a headlock or something silly? It was weird that he didn't. My thing is, like, he had kept his hands behind his back. I think eventually, you know, like, he did kind of lean did kind of lean away, but you don't put your hand up. I think he rolled. I don't know. Yeah, he went with it. Part of the actual physical slap was in the moment what had me be like,

was this a work? Because he stands there the whole time, and then he kind of – but we played it back. It's a pretty quick slap. But the thing is, though, for Chris Rock, put yourself in – I understand what you're saying. I understand what you're saying or what people say, like, oh, it was fake. Put yourself just in Chris Rock's shoes, who's a multi, multi, multi, multi-millionaire, famous comedian.

Why in the world – what is the benefit of him getting slapped on television to help the Oscars? He'd be like, no. Right. He has everything. Those tickets are selling now, bud. They are selling. They weren't, and now they are. It's true.

It is. The people who are breaking it down who are still even fake are like, come on. I mean, it's basically like fucking loose change shit. We were like, what do you even know? Like, everyone's now a boxing expert. They're like, that's not you. Tuck your chin. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

That's not how the human body reacts to a swing. Shut the fuck up, Mickey. You don't know what you're talking about at all. I know. People are such dummies. For me, the most impressive thing is how Chris Rock wasn't hard. You slap me like that, I can't stop it, dude. I can't imagine.

I do this all the time with sports where I try to, like you said, put yourself in his shoes. I say, like, put yourself in his, like, pretend you're seeing what he's seeing. Let's do it like baseball. I'm thinking like bottom of the ninth, two outs. You see the bases are loaded. You see the crowd. You've got to hit the ball. Imagine you're standing there like him, and you see Will Smith walking up at you.

Just picturing. He's a big dude. Because we're seeing it from this angle. Imagine from the other angle of just like, he's coming up here, and I don't know what's going to happen. That's fucking nuts. Now, do you think if it was another, let's say it was Ricky Gervais that happens, do you think it had to be Chris Rock? Well, we were saying how if a white guy just went up there and slapped a black guy, it would be fucking. Start a race war. It would be a full 100%.

We were saying it would start a race war and we would be like, make sense. That was worthy of a race war. I'd try and fight for the blacks if I could. We're on their side. That is a pretty clear example. We've had it too good for too long. You know what happens, though? You know what happens?

I saw, I don't know who it was. I forgot who it was. But somebody said the biggest problem with this for the black community is now whites or people, whatever, will weaponize this. Which I guess there is some truth to that. Some people will because if something happens similar, they'll be like, oh. And then they get prosecuted. They'll be like, oh, but how come it didn't happen to black on black? So there's a lot of problems reverberating through the black community about that stuff that obviously we don't know about.

But I feel like that's a big issue too where it's like, yo, you can't do that. I agree with that. But the people who are going to do that, we're always going to do that no matter what. That's true. It's like when people say like, oh, this hurts real victims. No, because you could just fucking... Only if you want to use this to hurt real victims,

it'll hurt real victims. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's fucking got to cop out. Right. Hold on. Oh, dude! Did you shit yourself?

No, dude. That sounded wet, dude. Are you sure? I see your pants a little bit. No, I didn't, dude. And even if I did, I'm wearing lulu lemons they wash right out that sounded wet doggy dude that's a keto fart they're smelling i have

scentless farts no i have a relatively clean asshole get in there not bad nothing nothing oh i'm telling you i'm pretty sure it's shit's shit. I have an asshole like a kitten. I'm Chrissy Kitten-ass. Yeah, there's nothing. Zero, dude. And it was deep, dude. It was deep and it was dry. It was dry. That was what?

It was what? That was a way. My asshole's lips were chapped. Let's go with this fucking alopecia guy. Who's this guy? Where are your eyebrows and eyelashes? What's up, guys? Just driving home from work, listening to the last episode.

You're talking about all the slabs, all the people getting slabbed. I mean, we think about one of my buddies in college. Every time he would get drunk, he would just have anybody, random people, people he didn't know, just slap the shit out of him all the time every time he got drunk he'd do it for no apparent reason he just thought it was the funniest thing ever uh i'll attach a couple videos that i have saved of him getting slapped for your guys's enjoyment one of them is probably the worst slap i've ever seen in person let's compare to zach's but anyway uh question what's like the weirdest thing that someone you know or one of your friends does every single time they get drunk? I can see you being like a slap me in the face guy.

No. Thanks, Scott. You're awesome. I did drafting for a while. Drafting was a fun one. You have a draft? What is that? We used to draft.

I got kicked on a lot of bars for drafting. I love that you're like, I would never do the slap thing, but we do do drafts. What is drafting? When giraffes fight, they sweep their head. And so you kind of be in a bar hanging out with your buddies and you're trying to do it. Don't do it to me. I hate it. Boom!

It's like a slap. Like a hedge of the chest. You can break your own neck like that. You can break ribs on me. You can break your own neck. It's the stupidest fucking thing in the world. That was the thing to do. That's a definition of white people's shit.

Yes. That is white people's shit. Well, I see white boys at the bar headbutting each other's chests. fucking thing in the world. That was the thing to do. That's a definition of white people's shit. Yes. That is white people's shit. You see white boys at the bar headbutting each other's chests. Get out of my world. I had another buddy who would, he would, when I was in high school, we'd party outside at friends' houses and stuff like that. And he'd always pull his pants down and he'd try and piss in his mouth. But like.

Talk to Joey Kamaska. Yeah. It was like he would, it was like, he would like pretend he was pissing his mouth. but like... Talk to Joey Kamaska. Yeah. It was like, he would, it was like, he would like pretend he was pissing in his mouth. Like,

he'd get it up, but he wouldn't actually drink it. It was, I don't know if it was because he couldn't reach it. These guys fucking eat moths. Oh,

we used to eat moths all the time. What? But not like, not like, you know, when I think, when I used to think of a moth,

I think of like a little, like just two, like brown wings, right? These things are like chunky. Yeah, yeah, true. Imagine like a little like just two like brown wings right these things are like chunky yeah imagine like a flying cockroach really right and I watched them we were sitting outside at his uh at his backyard and there was one just walking on the ground rather than flying I'm talking big big and his brother put his hand down and it grew it went on his hand and then he

just went and I thought I thought it was like a magic trick because he went so i thought he like threw it and and then and then he was just like and the whole crowd was like what was that are you serious benny and he was like it was gone and then they were like oh yeah we did all the time if you're losing beer pong you got to eat them off i was like why if you lost in beer pong you used to have to go up to like like like because it was it's out in the country So like There are a lot of bugs That like attract the light

And stuff like that So like By On the side Like of the shed Where are you from? Disgusting I'm from Fall River

But like White trash Westport Like Westport He's not It's actually really bougie He's a super bougie But they eat fucking bugs

Fall River's not bougie No Fall River's white trash And not white trash and uh not white trash it's just like a city um but the so you when you lose your beer pocket to go you have to sneak up to him on the wall and he's like you suck it up and you gotta chew it real fast because otherwise you feel the wings flapping your mouth i mean this is why i don't want to ever be in a fraternity or any other shit too it's like what the fuck at least it's keto though that's a positive what is

do you have any uh dumb drunk shit that you do or your friends do? Dumb drunk shit? No. You know what, man? I wasn't the guy. I didn't really drink like that. I do a little bit now, but I don't really drink like that. I thought you'd been getting blackout recently.

Yeah, yeah. But I had to stop. Yeah, I've been blackout, but I stopped it. The worst thing I ever did is we got drunk at a friend's house party or whatever, 17, 18, and I shit in his laundry basket. As like a prank or as like a – As a prank and then we put all the clothes back on. Then he went to go do his laundry or his mother or whatever the next day and he was like, what the fuck?

Was that like a friend or you wanted like an enemy? No, it was like a friend. That is disgusting one time one of my friend frenemies like it wasn't really i mean i kind of was there but i didn't really do it but we went into this kid's house and they pushed all his air conditioners out the window bro and i'm the weirdo because i need a mop or two yes that's chaos i'd rather do that laundry baskets and pushing air conditioners out window like the baby queens like the second story, just like smash it right out. Push them right out.

Holy fuck, man. Push them all out. I remember one time we hated this kid, so whenever we'd have a house party, we got to clean up all the evidence. So we'd have a box or a big bag of empties, and we just went to this kid's front lawn, and we just put them all over his fucking front lawn. And as we were driving away, his mom came out and was like, you goddamn you. It was trash. I was like, why did we do that?

That was fucking stupid. We one time stole the same kids who pushed the egg out the window. We stole his father's credit card and we ordered like five mattresses to his house from 1-800-MATTRESS. That's a good one.

And we gave like our friend's number who was like a little older, like we all went there and we waited for like, just ring the bell and be like every match we have five matches here for you yeah so fun at mcafee uh you know one time he got blacked out and he ordered a wrestling ring ordered to his house so he like one day a wrestling ring showed up on like a flatbed truck and they were like here's your wrestling ring and he was like what they were like yeah you ordered this and he was like he has a your wrestling ring, and he was like, what? They were like, yeah, you ordered this, and he was like...

He has a big enough house, right? It was earlier in his life, so yes, but no. But he was kind of like, well, I probably did do this. I don't remember it, but probably, you're right. What a great life he had. He played in the NFL as a punter, and now he's signed a money fucking deal for his heart, right? He is one of the best, if not the best punter of all time,

and I think he will be a bigger and better wrestler than he was. Is he in the Hall of Fame for punting, or will he get in the Hall of Fame? Not yet, but I think he will. He's actually a Hall of Fame punter. I don't know guaranteed. I don't know how that's bad. I don't know if special teams works, but like, yeah. If there is, if there are punters in, he's in. He's an all-star punter every single year. Maybe punters don't make it, but if punters

make it to the Hall of Fame, he's in. Well, no, I think, because what is it? Like, you want to get it within the 10, like, 10-yard line? They definitely make it. I just don't know how. I feel like he pretty like he was like he was an all-star basically every single year is he from indianapolis as well or just west virginia uh wow west virginia so that's why he's west virginia like got that yinzer accent and man of the people you think i'll do his pod one day or never yeah i think he will you know what i'm gonna make this happen for you i'm gonna text him like do text him. Do it for my buddy.

I don't know. I have no idea. I'll try. Call him. I'll call him. If you need the help, be like, he badly needs the help. April 8th, Egyptian room, Indianapolis. April 9th, Denver.

He's fucking doing flips off the top rope and shit. He's already feuding with Vince McMahon. He's in good shape, that guy. Yeah. Good for him. All right, last voicemail. Do you have the slap video that kid's in? Oh, yeah.

Wait, we got to see. I don't have that one, but we have three slap All right, last voicemail. Do you have the slap video that kid's in? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, we got to see. Oh, I don't have that one, but we have three slap videos or an okay voicemail. What do you guys want to do? Three slap videos. Yeah, three slap videos. But also, let's show him Zach's. Yeah, that one's coming. Let's do it.

So this is Zach. We just found, like, this video's been around for, like, months or years. Well, we've had it. It happened years ago. We've had it for months. We're talking about the best slaps of all time and Nick goes. I think it's a video of Zack I'm like, why did we talk about this earlier because watch this shit. Let's see it Nice this looks like KB Dude, the joy the fight over gets out of it makes me so happy.

Look out. With a slap. Bro, his head goes. That kid probably had to go to the hospital. That kid's dead, right? That's him. That's you? That's him.

Oh, my God, dude. Look at that. Dude, you look so different. You look like you're transitioning to be a woman right now. You literally look like you're a lesbian right now. I thought he was a lesbian. I think he's come out to this video. When did this happen, dude?

When did this happen? That slapped us straight out of him. He came out right after. Were you knocked unconscious? He doesn't know. Were you just? Yeah. Did you go Were you knocked unconscious? He doesn't know. Was it the end? Yeah. Did you go to the hospital? No, I was drunk.

It was at like a graduation party at someone. I hit my buddy by accident. I said, here, you get a free shot at me. And I didn't know he was going to wind up. Yeah, that's like, you know, if you accidentally bump into your buddy or something, hey, you owe me one. That's like, you know, you punch me in the arm or something. You don't fucking take my soul. So did you and like, did this video go viral with your friends and everything?

Wait one second. Did you just like close your eyes or did you just watch it? No, I held my hand. He's never seen it. Okay, he refuses to watch it. I've never watched the video. You were ripped. You were drunk.

No, no, yeah, he was black. I've seen the beginning of the video and I've seen me on the ground, I think. Why did you make it too hard for you to watch? Well, so I think now it's become a matter of principle. I just refuse to watch it. Yeah, and at this point, you're committed. So you're not even looking at it now? No, I refuse.

I love there's a split second where his hat stays straight while his head goes fucking... It's so good. Bro, and the funniest thing, the funniest reference, Feidelberg goes, when he falls backwards, he goes, he looks like that bridge in Sydney and then they overlaid it and it looks

I mean like exactly like the bridge in Fighters Sydney he puts dude if he would have hurt his neck if you would have fallen on your head

you would have been dead that's why I said John Apatow maybe wasn't so wrong maybe you could die from fucking getting slapped watch Feidelberg references the bridge

and then he overlays it fucking perfectly what like that's how long ago was that did you guys reveal that yes yes wow fucking amazing dude all right slapped you into being a lesbian do any of these compare to that no all right No, all right. Let's see the other ones. We probably should have done that as a finale, but. Fucking bet. Go. Oh! He hit two.

That's a big one. Yeah, but it ain't that. It ain't that, no. But that. The windup was bigger. Yeah, I think the connection. I don't know. Zach was so drunk, and I think he just had his head bobbed. This is like.

That's a meaty. That's almost like he gets his ear, you know, like in the neck. I have a feeling that one might hurt more. Yeah, I agree. I think it's because Zach's head bobs, but like, that was like to the neck almost. Down! Is this a kid? Yeah, that's like a girl. That's a good slap by your girl.

Yeah, that's what girls are asking for in bed now. It's almost like a punch. Yeah. I mean, you've been obviously. That's what you get for wearing purple shorts. You've obviously been smacked by girls. Oh, my God. Jasmine probably hits you. She's a lefty There's no way to avoid it

You just get hit with a southpaw Just fucking rock Yeah Has a guy ever slapped you? No Yeah I feel like if a guy slaps you In a real education That's almost

Again it's like worse It's like well Now we have to fight to the death You have to kill Like you should get killed for that Yeah yeah It's like you're really demeaning me. It's worse.

It's like one of those things where it's like a slap is worse. Just like if your girlfriend cheats on you, a blowjob is worse. I'd rather you just have sex with her. I agree. Just have sex with her. A blowjob, it's too much. That's why I say that. Just like with a slap, it's too much.

I tell girls, blowjobs should be a part of your number. Because what you're doing is way bigger sexually to me. If you told me you've only had sex with three people but you blew 30 i'd be like i cannot continue that's what i'm saying i would rather that yeah i'd rather your number be through the roof with sex than you know a bunch of sloppy blowjobs no i don't and every time i say that i'm like blowjobs should count your number every girl vehemently goes no no they should not no no and i'm like well you have sucked a ton of dick yeah i i could count blowjobs to my number i think my number would go up one yeah i've got No they should not No No And I'm like Well you have sucked a ton of dick Yeah

I could count blowjobs to my number I think my number would go up one I've gotten very few Just blowjobs Just a blowjob from a girl And that was it I've gotten just blowjobs from girls I've also had sex with

Yes But like Never like just had a girl Suck my dick And like never talk to her ever again Agreed I think a lot of it is like Girls and like

Young Before you've lost your virginity So you're just blowing dudes Yeah I never had that I didn't lose my virginity Until we were fucking I wasn't one of those kids Who were like 12 And like girls and like young before you've lost your virginity so you're just blowing dude yeah i never had my virginity until we were fucking i wasn't one of those kids who were like 12 and like it was like oh we're fucking yeah that's a weird thing to me because i feel like it maybe because i think of it the same way if i was getting my dick sucked i'd be like we're fucking yeah yeah like i was like a virgin until i wasn't and then i was doing everything

right right it's like we might as well just get our fuck on now. Alright, Chrissy. Unbelievable performance from you, as always. So you've got Indianapolis coming up. Indianapolis April 8th, Denver April 9th, Connecticut, Norwalk, Connecticut, Wall Street Theater April 16th, April 22nd, Puerto Rico, baby.

And then April 29th, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. You're going from Indy to Denver to Connecticut? No, but then I come home back to New York. That makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. Yeah, and then April 29th, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Chrissy Christ.

Is everybody... Is the family going to Puerto Rico? Yes. Yeah. They're coming with me to PR. That's going to be a fucking... It'll be sick. It'll be a scene, dude.

Sick, sick, sick. Fucking... Horns in the crowd and shit. Hell yeah, dude. Get the flags out. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. We're going home.

And then, yeah, man, I had a good pod and it's all because of Piggyback Barrel Age. Patreon.com slash Christy Comedy. Yeah. Donate to TGJ. ChristyComedy.com.

Look out for my SpeciWeshy coming out either on Netflix or YouTube. Well, just subscribe to YouTube.com slash Christy Comedy because something's coming out on that motherfucker. But I'm trying to call it Special Wessy.

That's what I want to call it. And Joe Rogan. I know you're listening. I know you're watching. Have fun. Get in there, Joe. And Pat McAfee. Have fun.

Come on. Fucking slap me. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.