KFC Radio - Colin Quinn, The Worst Tweets Ever, NYC is Anarchy, and Top 5 Sad Songs

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -This weekend we saw some of the worst tweets of all time -New York City is declared an "Anarchist Jurisdiction" -Reconfirmed: Men Are Trash -Could you date a murderer (if it was justified)? -Top 5 Saddest Songs of All Time -Voicemails include: -Did your parents/friends parents have weird house rules growing up? -What's on your sex bucket list? -Is it possible to hide his virginity from the girl he's sexting? (01:22:00) Colin Quinn joins the show! We discuss his reputation as a comedian's comedian and how he thinks he got that reputation. He tells us a story about his audition for Cocktail (the Tom Cruise movie). We discuss the difference between the LA and New York lifestyle and being drawn back to New York. We ask him his thoughts on the people saying NYC is dead and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @iamcolinquinn Follow us for daily videos on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/KFCradio Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kfcradio/You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I think I'd do better in a foursome than a threesome. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm a full-blown Twitter addict. I don't think that's news to anybody. No. I think you maybe once were, but you're certainly not anymore. You've broken your addiction.

I wouldn't say I've broken it because it still is like, I still have like the phantom vibrations and stuff. Well, I mean, listen, addiction, you know, it lives with you forever. It's not like it just goes away. So you're not using anymore. Well, no, it's not. I mean, I probably sent like 30 tweets yesterday. Well, you can tweet socially, like you can drink socially. Yes, I'm actively aware of the problem.

Yeah, you're working at it. Working at it. Twitter to me is a top five invention and a bottom five invention because I think it's incredible what you can get for free and what unfolds in it. I think people kind of take it for granted that it's like we kind of have unfiltered unfettered access to like some of the biggest celebrities the most important minds and you'll get them in their moments of weakness when they're like emotional or drunk or fucked up or whatever and they send off their actual thoughts it's like that's always been my favorite reason why Clooney doesn't have a twitter because he knows he says I like to drink at night yeah exactly exactly and like but Clooney you can

tweet drunk bro nobody would give a fuck it's like chris evans nude slipping it's like whatever i mean no one's ever owned that better than he did ever well i i actually i don't love him making it all political well but but he i don't think he had that one tweet yes but then like he was on talk shows on monday was he just clowning around and it was just like yeah he was like yeah it was a bit of a long weekend he learned some lessons and but when you're when a we've talked about it wasn't like too raunchy or like bad you're not married it's not like it was a cheating scandal it's not like you're embarrassing another girl it's just you you can just be like yeah firing off a hammer

i know it also helps that it's a great day but um so for all those reasons, I think that Twitter is one of the best things ever. There's also the other side of it where you get access to just the worst of the worst. And people like there's the bad side of Twitter. That's like you can get like white supremacists like groups and they have their codes that they tweet. And that's like bad, truly hateful, despicable shit that it sucks that we're giving them a platform and a way to connect in a serious way on a not so serious and a more fun way you're giving a platform to people who think they're funny or they're going to try to be funny or they think they're going to try to be poignant and say some shit like a podcast and then they but we're good at it they're

not speak for yourself they are decidedly listen you can give yourself enough credit to say that you are funnier and more like aware certainly and more normal than some of these like blue check journalists who are out there using twitter are low super low but we are well ahead of that and um i mean i know it was a big deal i know it was a big a momentous moment and a sad tragedy but the death of ruth baders ginsburg ruth bader ginsburg brought out the worst of people trying to be funny and trying to say some shit i mean you know whenever there's a death or a moment and everyone's got to get their tweets off you're bound to find a bunch that are like oh yikes but this was how did you stumble upon these two um these two in particular

were they were they viral or did you find them one i'm trying to remember them ruth conda i believe i was tagged in and i found it's not like I found it early, but it had like a thousand retweets. She hadn't gone private yet. So I think I was on that early. I think I might have been the tipping point for her. I tweeted it, and she went private, which I do believe she deserves to be clowned for that. But I don't like thinking that girl probably had a shitty night, basically, because of me. And the other one. That is always tough. Everyone, that person. Right. It's like, I don't like thinking, like, that girl probably had, like, a shitty night, basically, because of me. And the other one.

That is always tough. Everyone, that person. Right. It's like, I don't feel good about that, you know? And then once I tweeted that, people started sending me the Chadwick one. So, if you're unaware of the tweets we're talking about, RBG dies, and these tweets get sent out. One was from Alexandra Lee Capps. She was a private, she's a blue check like i think a

journalist or something just told my 10 year old daughter about rbg she had tears in her eyes and then she did the wakanda pose and said ruth konda forever which is the sort of pop culture crossover i can celebrate now if you're for though the uninitiated the uninitiated the un you know the normal people out there who are not deep in the twitter world the uh i just told my five-year-old this i my my five my six-year-old told me like how am i supposed to explain to my there's this there's this it started out as real like there were people who actually how am i supposed to explain this to my kids or they they told a story that like their their seven-year-old said this and then it became something to clout chase where people started making those up and then it became a joke so this was a ill

guided attempt to take that 10 year old she said yes no no no chance but you can tell like some people were like dude you know that's not real. It's like, I know it's not real. She was trying to mock that and be funny and poignant about a Twitter, basically a Twitter meme in a way, right? You know, it's not like. Oh, she's not being real? I don't think.

I don't give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. Okay. Well, so this is a debate. I texted Coley because he was the only other one tweeting about it. And I said the Ruth Conda tweet tweet do you think that's a real like like a she actually she's trying to trying to say that happened b she's joking c she's it's a bad attempt at the joke uh he said he thinks it was like she's trying to do the kid joke thing and and she thought that people were going to like it, and she didn't. My first reaction, because if you look at the rest of her tweets before she went private, there was no other jokes.

It wasn't like she was like, LOL, you get it, guys? I did the kid thing. She was just dead serious. So my first reaction was that was real. Did she ever retweet someone being like over your heads or whatever? See, that's usually like when I like try and make a joke and that people don't get it and people think I'm being serious, I'll usually retweet one person. The Superman thing, the joke going over your head. Just to acknowledge like, yo, I was kidding. Correct.

And if you didn't retweet that, I think you're serious. I think so too. So that was my reaction. I'm happy to hear that because then I was like, all right, listen, maybe now I'm being the sucker. I thought best case scenario for her. She's trying to be funny and miss the mark. But I think this was real. I think people like this is clearly a joke.

And I was like, I don't think it is. No, I think she's honestly trying to pretend that her 10 year old daughter. Right. And now we all agree that that story is not real. Right. Yes. Yeah. Oh, this is what kind of I thought it was the black, the black, the laconic, the cross.

So, so that started. So yeah, I think she, she was like, this is going to be fire. Like I'm getting two birds with one stone. It's a call back to Chadwick Boseman. Cause obviously that's the point. Chadwick Boseman also died. And now they're, you know, they've unfortunately both passed. Then this one was just an attempt at a hypothetical fictional scenario.

This guy, Ryan Parker, tweets RBG greeting Chadwick. Quotations King Chadwick greeting RBG Queen. And my favorite part about this was the top reply was easily the worst tweet in the world. I mean, those are I said this is like the bad tweet olympics like who you got this is a showdown man this is a and then i'd like to give a shout out so i i was so moved by this it was friday night this this struck such a chord let me tell you what happened at my house i was sitting at home i was eating some dinner late dinner and, and these happen. And I was like, oh, my God, this these these are historic. This is a landmark moment for Twitter.

And so I actually did some research and I found out the numbers on Twitter are staggering. The numbers on Twitter are staggering. Let me get the exact ones because I want to get it right. But as of now, now, it's obviously different, you know, like 2010 when there was a fraction of the people on Twitter. But the amount of tweets that get sent every day, in the year 2020, 5,000 tweets are sent. How often do you think? Per second.

Per second. That's 500 million tweets a day. And it's been around for 15 years. Now, like I said, obviously in the beginning, not nearly that big. 500 million tweets a day. And it's been around for 15 years. Now, like I said, obviously in the beginning, not nearly that big. But we're talking about probably like trillions of tweets. And in my opinion, in one 38-minute span, the two worst tweets of all time. And then I did even follow up. I have to give a – we have to maybe – I don't know if we have to congratulate him or perhaps offer condolences,

but I think Nick has fully been indoctrinated and institutionalized at Barstool sports because without prompting, without asking, he sent me a deep fake face thing of Chadwick Boseman and RBG, two people who are fucking dead. One of which who just died like mere hours ago. And he sends me rbg's face on chadwick boseman doing the wakanda pose so i tweeted that out and i said ruth conda forever

and i was like arguably i have the third worst tweet of all time because i just tweeted out two dead people with a gif just trying to be funny but that was that came from nick hamilton yeah i thought i was gonna get in trouble for that one yeah and then i tweeted it i was waiting i'll fall on i'll get in trouble for it it was funny as shit though um and then then they just start rolling in it was it got it arguably got worse with some of the other like attempts at uh at like i guess yeah trying to be poignant. This one came from Seema Sistani. I started crying and my kids were like, what happened, mom?

I tell them a hero died. My son says, you mean like Iron Man? I said, no, like Wonder Woman. Oh my God. These are so bad. How do you fucking, look, I have plenty of bad tweets in my day. Millions of them. Well, not millions of them, but thousands of them. I – look, I have plenty of bad tweets in my day, millions of them. Well, not millions of them, but thousands of them.

I have lots and lots and lots of bad tweets, and I would never in a million years have sent something like that. Never. That's fucking insane. That's when you're – like we're normal. Like when your funny gauge is just off, you're just like miscalibrated. You're like, this will be funny, or this will make people go like, wow, yeah, bro. It's like, no, nobody's's gonna react to that and then it's also so weird just that like the human brain is programmed to be like oh a person i respect died how can i make how can i like get some clout yeah yep and and you do it in the form of like you're not i'm not looking for clout i like

wanted to pay respects and like it's like, it does not matter. You paying respects to this person via Twitter means zero. But these are like, you know, these are like kind of like nobody's no disrespect. But then Jessica Chastain weighs in. And maybe maybe it's even to be expected more so because she's like a Hollywood, you know, liberal, I believe, like hardcore to that side. So maybe, of course, she's doing this. But I thought even worse, like, you know, you're you're you worry about your image you worry about being perceived as funny and all that shit so maybe you should be a little more savvy she says i showed this

drawing to my two-year-old daughter this morning it's the picture of rbg with the notorious crown because she was the notorious rbg i showed this picture to my two-year-old daughter this morning two years old bro two and asked if she knew who it was. She smiled and said, RBG, thank you for fighting for all of us. There's no way that a two-year-old knows who Ruth Bader Ginsburg is. So then I go back. Like, you're thinking that she's really trying to be serious because, like, this one, two years old, is so young that I'm like, all right, maybe she was doing the joke. But I don't think she's an actress. She's not like a Twitter degenerate like we are. She doesn't know that I'm like, all right, maybe she was doing the joke. But I don't think she's an actress.

She's not like a Twitter degenerate like we are. She doesn't know that's like a thing to mock. She's not being like, I'm going to do the – I'll mockingly joke like that style of tweet. But she's really trying – so you think it's really – I don't give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. If you make something not funny, I take it at face value. You said something not funny, not interesting, not real. And these tweets are so bad, so awfully bad, that they overshadowed,

which is one of the worst tweets of all time this weekend from Celtics Nation. Gordon Hayward. Which was Gordon Hayward in fatigues in a wheelchair. And it was like, thank you, Gordon Hayward, for your service. It was insane. He played with like... Let me get the exact wording up. He played four weeks after he sprained his ankle.

Yeah, I mean, he fucked his shit up, but still, yeah. I mean, he was... I mean, it was an ankle. It was an ankle injury. It was an ankle sprain. Not a break. I thought that was in reference to his original injury. No, he's coming back from an ankle sprain. They're talking about that injury? Yeah, I think so. I mean, that was in reference to his original injury.

No, he's coming back from an ankle sprain. They're talking about that injury? Yeah, I think so. I mean, that was two years ago. He's more than healed. Well, yeah, I thought like, hey, guys, we're over that one. But I thought it was at least when he broke his fucking shit. No, I think it was either the last regular season game or one of the first games in the bubble

or second game against the Sixers maybe. I forget, but he sprained his ankle. Celtics Nation on Twitter, on Facebook said, winning the bubble or second game against the Sixers. Maybe I forget, but he sprained his ankle Celtics nation on Twitter on Facebook said winning isn't everything. It's the only thing picture of Gordon Hayward in fatigues in the wheelchair looking like, uh, look at Ben,

the soldier coming home and he's always sunny and like, and also just like floating with the guard in the background, you know? And the quote from Gordon Hayward says, I'm definitely not 100%. Oh yeah. It is definitely. Yeah.

I can't believe I didn't like put two and two together. I'm definitely not 100%. Oh, yeah. I can't believe I didn't put two and two together. I'm definitely not 100%, but it is what it is. This is the Eastern Conference Finals, so I'm going to give us whatever I can. Which is a fine statement for Gordon Hayward to make as long as someone doesn't fucking turn him into a soldier returning home from Iraq in a wheelchair or Afghanistan or wherever the hell he was serving.

He sprained his ankle, guys. I can't. I mean, that's like Gordon Hayward. Like, she'd be able to sue those guys. What the fuck? By the way, one other RBG one was this came from Amy Edwards. RBG is my son's hero. Probably not.

He said, take me to D.C. to put flowers on the steps of the Supreme Court. So we're leaving from Oklahoma right now. That one she followed up and said he's 18. So at least it's like plausible that he's old enough. But I mean, if my kid says I want to go put flowers and we live in Oklahoma, I said, like, I mean, we'll do that over Zoom. You better mail those things, brother, because I'm not driving from Oklahoma to D.C. in the middle of a pandemic. I mean, she this was at 1 35 a.m right now she got up at 1 35 in the morning and so we're driving to dc for you honey and by the way if you're not a chick you're not

allowed to stand rbc okay i get it she was absolutely incredible for for women everywhere she did some shit for women like like from property owning to voting to like major major things that like i didn't even know were an issue during and the problem with all this stuff is you end up like mocking someone's legacy by like this stupidity i honestly she's a great person no doubt and now we're talking about this don't be a fucking idiot about it hoping to get retweets like yeah just like i don't just say like rest in peace how fucking hard is that sure or yeah or you can list all her accomplishments you can even say but like to to once you joking or not trying

to pass it off as real or mocking the format of the tweet if you're talking about your 10 year old did xyz you're the worst it's the worst it's did XYZ, you're the worst. It's the worst. It's the worst. Especially if you're trying to pass it off as real. If you really want me to believe that, like, your 4-year-old had tears in her eyes because of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, go kill yourself. And you're just – and you're fucking – like, you're not ruining her legacy, obviously. But again, we're not talking about this. But you're changing the conversation on Twitter.

Exactly. Then from what, like, it should be. I saw the tweet that was just a list of, like, she ruled on this. She voted on this. She established this. And it was all things that I thought went out the window during like the Civil War. And it was still a problem for women in her lifetime.

Like we should be talking about that. Instead, we're talking about the Ruth Kanda forever, which is, I might get a Ruth Kanda tattoo. That's how good that is. And by the way, don't forget, this is coming off the week where we had the, we had the Big Ten tweets. That, I never asked to be a hero in the fight for Big Ten football.

I just wanted to watch the Badgers play. That's the thing about heroes. We never asked to be in these moments. We just happen to find ourselves here. Thanks to everyone who joined the fight. And then there was the one about 9-11 and D-Day. And then there was the girl who said this is the darkest day in Big Ten history, even though there was a full fucking... People shouldn't be allowed

strip the first amendment you don't I'm calling for an end to it you don't get to say whatever you want and whichever we talked about with Cal Penn came out already we talked about it with Cal Penn too whatever amendment lets you vote

and whatever amendment lets you speak, get rid of both of them. People do not deserve to speak their mind, and they certainly don't deserve to be able to control the fate of our country because people are stupid. There should be a Twitter test. Would you sign up for a different app that had, if we could somehow do this,

that filtered out the dumb and unfunny people. Or is part of the fun of Twitter, finding those? No, I think it's part of the fun. It's part of the mental anguish it puts you through. But it does help to laugh occasionally. Be like, look, at least I'm not this bad. I do love the new ratio, by the way, because now that Twitter measures the quote tweets, when you see like 136 retweets, 5,296 quote tweets, because everyone's going, what the fuck is this?

It's amazing. The ratio is deeper and more specific than ever. What a week for the bird, man. What a moment for... Is this a new thing, the bird? I call it the bird. The bird is my friend. The bird is...

But I mean, God, those people are... I call it the bird. The bird is my friend. The bird is... But I mean, God, those people are... When that happens, when you send a tweet... I've sent bad tweets, not that category of bad tweets. Correct. But when you fire off a tweet that... I've never fired off one being like, got him, and then it's bad. But I'll just fire off some shit like, you know, whatever.

And people are like, dude, what? That feeling of just like, oh, fuck. You know, the horse is out of the bond. It's worse than sending, like, a risky sext. Yeah. You're like, fuck it. Like, you turn your phone off, you throw it across the room. It weighs on your psyche for a long time.

It changes you as a person. It does. When you send a tweet that's getting dunked on, It changes you as a person. It does. When you send a tweet that's getting dunked on, it changes you as a person forever. Forever. You'll remember that forever. Yeah. It significantly alters who you are.

Although, I also do want to say, you got to keep the dunk threshold high. You can't dunk on things that don't really deserve it you know what i mean like these are gonna stand out of my mind yeah so when we drag someone make sure they're draggable if you tweet you tweet about a girl and everyone's like oh like horny police like no you're just tweeting about a female that's not you don't deserve to get like dragged for that you tweet out like a prediction that was wrong like it happens you You gotta wait for people to be proud about being

funny or thinking that they outsmarted everyone and then you drag. Keep your dunking threshold high, folks. But, boy. Those people. They had to be sitting at home just like, what the fuck am I doing?

You should lose your Twitter account. If you are dunked on home just they should you should lose your twitter account you should at least lose your blue jacket if you are are dunked on to that extent you should lose your twitter or how about at least a suspension you know when you get that thing that says like you have to like have we reported these tweets we should report we should usually when you get twitter when you go to twitter jail it says like here's the tweeting question you have to delete it and now like you have to serve your 12 18 whatever suspension yeah you should pin your tweet right bad one so when people look at your twitter uh your profile good like they're not worth like we're not going to suspend you we're going to let this be active

but you it's like a scarlet letter yeah we're going to brand you it automatically becomes like your fucking we might have to brand you with that tweet you burn it into your chest and every time you take your shirt off like what's that it's like well one time i said my 10 year old was crying because rbg and twitter made me brandon yeah like looking glorious bastards yes it's not brandon's carved into you we just fixed twitter man yeah i mean twitter has it's good it's bad it can be fun it can be ugly but fubo tv ain't nothing bad about it it's all good no no bad, and it's the future. Because everyone's been talking about cutting the cable, cutting the cord for years. And really

up until recently, it was not feasible. It was not possible. And now because of people like Fubo TV, it really is. If you're sick of cable, you're sick of paying... I mean, I pay probably like $160 and I pay a couple more. It's probably like $200 for my cable. And I don't want to do that anymore. And Fubo... But I have to. At least I thought probably $200 for my cable. And I don't want to do that anymore.

But I have to. At least I thought I did because I wanted sports and I wanted live news and regular TV. And I thought, oh, you can only get streaming services, so I'm going to miss a lot. Not anymore. Fubo TV comes with the live sports, the news, the primetime TV, no complicated contract, no cable company to deal with.

I mean, do you remember my fights with Time Warner back in the day? Yeah. Like, God, Time Warner, like Borderline, ruined my life for a few years. And now that's a thing of the past. That's going to be me, like, gather around, children. I'm going to tell you about a time you used to have to call the cable company and fight with them. I'm literally doing it as we speak.

Are you? So I need to switch over to Fubo. Just go to Fubo, man. $65 a month. That's it. Cable's like $200. You're going to get everything you need for $65. It's incredible.

Same channel, same everything. You get what you need. And let's be honest, how many channels do you really watch? I watch SNY for the Mets, MSG for the Knicks. I do want the Yes Network to watch the Yankees when I need to. I basically do ESPN. I don't the Yes Network to watch the Yankees when I need to. I basically do ESPN. I don't even think I watch ESPN anymore.

I mean, you know, I'll need it for primetime games, but other than that, I'm never tuning in. I'm not tuning into the ESPN programming anymore. Like the shows. I think I just need the three local sports channels for me. And I think that's it.

And I'm paying 200 bucks for that. Go to Fubo. You can get everything you need, plus the streaming services and all that. And you don't have to pay for a DVR. You don't have to pay for installation. These are just things that it just you plug it in. You're good to go. You got DVR.

Rewind. It's crazy. That cable is like DVR is an extra. Do you want DVR? Do you want to be able to rewind? Yeah. Yeah. Bare minimum, bro.

So anyway, Fubo has made it actually feasible to cut the cord. Now you're not just going to be some hipster doofus trying to prove a point. NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, Premier League, La Liga, college sports, all of it. And right now, if you don't believe it, you can try it out for seven days for free. Risk-free tryout. Go to FuboTV.com slash KFC. This is actually a great deal. You get the seven-day free trial,

which really is important to prove to yourself that, because it is, it's like jumping to the deep end. It's like, I'm really going to not have a cable. Like, oh my God. So you can try the, you can do the trial, keep your cable, and then if you don't like it, whatever, you're still good. And you get 15% off your first month.

So that's what, like 15, what's 15% of 65, John? Fuck off. You're going to be saving like 15 bucks probably. So like 50 bucks for your first month. So that's what? What's 15% of 65, John? Fuck off. You're going to be saving like 15 bucks probably. So like 50 bucks for your first month. So go to FuboTV.com slash KFC. That's F-U-B-O TV.com slash KFC. Get the free trial and 15% off your first month. Today's episode

we got the legendary, truly legendary Colin Quinn on the show. You saw his ATI. If you haven't seen it yet, go check it out on YouTube. It is over Zoom, so it loses a little bit of its pizzazz, but it's a... I mean, Colin Quinn's one of those guys. I could...

I just want to hear his thoughts on, like, everything. I want to just be like, what's your thoughts on bottled water? What's your thoughts on Oreos? What's your thoughts on... I mean, his story... Whatever he tells about doing Bobby De Niro's... Bobby De Niro his story he tells about doing bobby deniro bobby deniro i'm his friend robert deniro's fucking birthday party 60th birthday i believe it was incredible is in all time i actually have a theory that uh i mean it's not that i'm sure many people think this but like comedians are always still pretty cool because like they get and famous, but they'll still bomb.

Once you're an actor, I guess you can have a bomb movie, but you just forget about that. It's just like, okay, that movie bombed, whatever. On to the next one, once you're really established. Next blockbuster, next Oscar, whatever. When you're a comic, I mean, Colin Quinn is as established as it gets.

We talk about it in the interview. He's the comics comic. You ask any comedian, who's your favorite comic? They say two people, David Tell, Colin Quinn. For whatever reason, he actually explains what his hypothesis is,

why he believes that to be true. But he also tells a story about doing an event for Robert De Niro's birthday and he just, like, I don't want to give it away, but he bombed so bad something happened to him

that is impossible. And, you know, he was humbled in that moment. Like, yeah, I got a tough crowd and I did these movies and I made this money, but, like, I had a whole crew of very famous people all laughing at me, being like, yo, you stink. It just keeps you in check, you know? So a great interview with Colin where he, you know, he decided to sit about 100 feet away from his computer for Zoom.

Would have appreciated Colin maybe popping in a microphone or some headphones or not sitting a football field away from his laptop. But hey, whatever. He's Colin. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. We'll also get into our voicemails. We'll do our top fives in a minute. But first, this podcast is coming to you live from Barstool HQ in Manhattan manhattan new york which has been officially declared

an anarchist jurisdiction it is one of my favorite titles of all time ever three people three places in the entire country right now seattle and portland which they're also mocking this by the way but they portland deserves the title a little bit more if you've seen some of the videos coming out of portland it's a little bit of anarchy but new york city is the third on the list an anarchist jurisdiction because um quote we have permitted violence and destruction of property uh like unchecked like we have what i mean like the riots and the protests were like over three months ago i would actually imagine i bet you this is like they put the paperwork in maybe more than that to have them

be declared anarchist and then like it just went through because of politics and like red tape i mean this is a total political chess move basically if you have been declared an anarchist jurisdiction that allows the president or other federal uh branches of the government to cut off funding so they can be like we're not giving new york any money we're not giving you any assistance or resources because you are an anarchist jurisdiction and you're allowing violence and uh destruction of property to go on unchecked uh you are permitting that sort of behavior so that's all it really means i'm wearing a black sweatshirt that's about the most anarchist thing that's happening in New York City. I mean, I'm wearing a black one as well.

Sad boy season. The shirts are out now. The gear's out now. I had a black hat on and I had my hood up and then my mask was also black. And I was like, I look like an agent provocateur. And that but what was very funny was yesterday as you listen to this, it was a picturesque day in Manhattan. Like, blue skies as far as you can see. Dude, it's been like that for like weeks.

I've never loved Manhattan more than I love Manhattan. Oh, it's great. It's fucking perfect. There aren't a ton of people. There were kids playing, dogs barking, people eating ice cream, guys playing music in the park. I was like, this is an anarchist jurisdiction it's the craziest thing we do is we fucking have tables in the street that's that's as you're taking up the block yeah it's fucking awesome it's amazing it's it's so awesome that i love the term

anarchist i want to i hope i hope we don't shake it i want to keep that yes forever it's it's i will always describe i'm gonna start writing it writing it just anarchist jurisdiction, New York. It's not New York. Or like when people say the Big Apple or the Concrete Jungle, it's the anarchist jurisdiction. The big anarchy. That's a great term. That feels more like it's a good term for a person. Like, yo, that's the big anarchy over there.

But yeah, we are the big anarchy. Welcome. I actually, so I filmed one minute man on that and uh that was i told nick i probably couldn't have filmed the video that i filmed even maybe even like six months ago but certainly a couple years ago i'm still getting nervous like with people watching and i don't want to be the asshole in public and stuff like that and i had a helmet on i had that irish curling stick which by the way there's this like one of the guys who sells trees on the block you know like when you walk right out on 28th oh yes yes yes he was like what is that stick man first of all he was like yo yo yo man yo man and i was like this is sometimes i just assume they're homeless you know and then i was

like this is just a person who's just asking me a question like give him the respect and respond to him so i was like what's up man he's like what is that stick so i was like i don't know it's like a fucking irish hurling curling stick whatever and then on the way back we saw him again he's like yo let me get one of those man i was like i don't have these things just lying around i didn't invent it i'm not the creator i'm not up at the office like whittling these yeah uh but i did this video where I was mocking the lack of anarchy and I'm like, around these kids and around these old people. At one point, I dropped to my knees in Madison Square Park and I go,

Anarchy! And I was just like, people are probably watching me going like, fuck, there is anarchy here. Which is, I'm never going to be able to say smoothly. It is a mouthful too. That's part of the fun anarchist jurisdiction uh but i mean we had the new york is dead thing we had that battle and we're just taking a step further it's not dead it's alive

it's just pure anarchy it's chaos here it's chaos in the streets i uh i wonder like i need cuomo to like he's he's kind of like responded back but I need him to be like you want to see anarchy? I'll give you fucking anarchy let's go real New York on you so shout out to everybody who lives in New York we are the anarchists I heart anarchy

I do love it the big anarchy we gotta send like postcards like greetings from the big anarchy there is like a bit of a difference where it's like at night. Yes. At night. You're like, all right.

This is like there's no one. I was walking last night and I had my head like buried in my phone like on Twitter. I was reading tweets about the Pats and the Seahawks. And I was like, all right, I probably shouldn't do it. Like a couple guys like passed me that I was like they could have just like clocked me in the face and robbed me. And I wouldn't have like had my head on a swivel at all. Like, yeah. But A, those are things that like kind of have always been true in New York and they're

just exacerbated by the fact that there's like, there's nobody around. It's like how I always described Philly when we were there. Yeah. There was the same amount of homeless people. It was just, there's no regular people. So it's like, all right, this is a little weird. It's a little like walking dead ass. If you're like two o'clock in the morning, yeah, the streets are pretty empty. It's a little. It's a little weird. It is a little weird it's a little like walking dead ass if you're like two o'clock in the morning yeah the streets are pretty empty it's a little it's

a little weird it's a little it's a little creepy but like anarchy to me implies like we're doing molotov cocktails we're doing you know i mean that's why when i saw portland was complaining about it i was like i mean guys you're getting thrown into unmarked minivans and shit you're like you got your own like designated areas of of designed anarchy. I think you kind of deserve it. I don't know about Seattle, but I think in any city there's parts that are bad and there's parts that are good. And but right now, like I feel like we had those really hot nights where people were getting shot and shit. And like even that's kind of subsided. It's just like autumn in New York City.

It's it's sad boy season. We're not it. We're not causing anarchy. We're just fucking listening to sad songs at dark bars drinking dark liquor. We're not bothering anybody. Not one whatsoever. Certainly not anarchy. Except, actually, I want to get

there was a situation last week. I want to give a shout out to my girlfriend because she's badass but don't take no shit. Some dude in HomeGoods was like, or TJ Maxx. We talked about it. Was it HomeGoods? I hope it was HomeGoods because we were talking about HomeGoods last time. I said HomeGoods is no good. I think I was proven right.

This was ladies, be careful. It actually happened with Casey too. Casey was that dude with a boner on the subway following her. But at least Casey's a bird. At least Casey's like 6'3". She can handle herself. Your girl's like 5'0", 100 pounds, and was ready to fucking bark on this dude. I wasn't there.

I was at the office. I was working. And she was in HomeGoods, and some dude walked by her, and she had headphones in, and he said, I want to fuck that pussy. And she was like, there's no way he said that. He was mumbling. He could not possibly have actually said that. That didn't happen.

And he walked to the end of the aisle and then walked back. And he goes, and I want to fuck those tits, too. And that's when the dog got off the leash. It is a funny way, by the way, to be like, oh, and also. If I am going to sexually harass you, let me make sure I have her on my basis. And she just started laying into him, caused a fucking scene at home. That's how she described it. Like a security guard or a manager

or whatever came over and she said, did you want to tell him what you said or should I? Yeah, like a little fucking infant. And he was just like, no, ma'am. He's like, what? Keep saying what? I fucking know what you said. And the other girl who was there was like, I fucking heard it too. The girls rallied

against this creep. That's some anarchy shit. Yeah, you want anarchy? Fucking watch out for a girl like that, man. That's pure anarchy. That is just some. I don't understand guys. I know this stuff happens, but I can't believe it. Between that happening to Casey and that, those both happened in the same week.

And like, look, I know men are pieces of shit and I know we're trash and all that stuff. I think some of that's almost like mental illness when it goes that far. But in general. What do you get out of that, bro? Aren't you embarrassed? What do you get? It's probably a power thing. You feel power by fucking saying when you want to sex with them?

Probably. You're a fucking loser. Fucking loser. All guys are fucking losers. Men are trash. I was very upset about that. I've calmed down. It happened last week.

But, like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dude? Yeah, that is some, like, truly despicable. Because, like, in that guy's mind, it's like, he's probably like, well, I'm not, like, a rapist. Like, I didn't do it. I would never touch anybody. I wouldn't hurt anybody. But I'll just run around saying I want to slide in your pussy and in your tits. Like, I didn't do it. I would never touch anybody. I wouldn't hurt anybody. But I'll just run around saying I want to slide in your pussy and in your tits. Like, ugh.

I honestly don't even know what to say about it because it just boggles the mind. How you get power out of that. You feel cool. You feel, like, turned on. Like, what is wrong with you? Maybe he thought it was a pickup line. Maybe he thought that she'd be like, oh, I've been looking for someone to slide in this pussy. You want to go out on a date?

Fucking trash Ola, man. If your guy even, like, could sit her saying things like that, fucking kill yourself. And I genuinely mean that. I'm encouraging suicide if that's something that you, like, think is a normal way to act or behave. You bring no value to the society. Kill yourself.

Yeah, just get it over with. I can't tweet tweet something like this but i can say it on a podcast yeah if that's something you think is endearing entertaining if you if you get funny sexy hot whatever fucking kill yourself how in the most uh uh seppuku like i don't i don't don't be a fucking coward and do it in the bathroom do it in a violent manner you scumbag I wish that she killed him I do too

I don't know if I could date a girl who killed somebody I think I could if it was justified I think it would weigh on me even if it was justified I think it would weigh on me a little it was justified I think it would weigh on me a little bit I'm not going to be pumped about it

but if I was dating a girl and everything else was all good and she was like I got a confession like I killed a guy I'd be like okay well why he told me he was going to slide on my pussy at HomeGoods I would like it to be a little more self defense like danger needs to be imminent

you're right but i think if it was if it was justified in that regard i think i'll get over it i i was talking to a girl once she um she she killed a rabbit it was she she found a rabbit that was like had been like attacked by another animal or whatever so it was like a mercy killing but she smashed its head with a rock oh i think you've you've mentioned this to me before. That's tough. I get it. You're Dwight's root. You're like, I grew up on a farm, and that's how we cheat. She told me she cried after.

So I was like, all right, that's good. If you were just like, wow, and you're just going about your day. What's for lunch? Yeah. She was upset about it, but she had to do the right thing. I was like, wow, okay. Let's go fuck. Whatever.

You bunny killer. All right, top fives? Let's go fuck. Whatever. You bunny killer. All right. Top fives? Let's do top fives. Top fives today are brought to you by Solo Stove. I got this delivered to my apartment. I'm going to find a way. I've got a little bit of a backyard.

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sad boy season. It's like two zillion songs long. It is eight and a half hours I think. Something like that. You're on a work shift and you want to just cry the whole time. Fight says you covered. So you're up first. I think that this can kind of go

like a couple different directions, I think. I think there are songs where it's like the lyrics are like sad. I think there are songs that can be like associated with sadness or just emotional. You know, it doesn't have to be like here's a song about someone who's fucking dead,

but it can, you know, sometimes even like a song that has like a positive message can make you bitter, sweet, like a song that has like a positive message can. I have, I have one on my list. Yeah. Okay. So start it off. Your number one pick.

My number one pick. Okay. I'll go whiskey lullaby. I mean, Oh my God. Actually that, that just made me think. Yeah. Go ahead. Keep going.

It's just, I mean, like that's it. That's it. That's just, that's it that's it that's just that's it it's that's the saddest song i think of all time i i would argue that it could definitely be it is there's so many lines in it but the one that always sticks out with me was like she put him out like the midnight end of a burning cigarette is fucking dark yeah and sad that imagery and that hurts i i can't and it's weird because it's fucking brad paisley like i i would never think of brad paisley i mean brad paisley does brad paisley does like fucking i'm so much cooler online like brad paisley i i don't traditionally think of him as

like a sad artist he's got so much like happy country that that one came out right when he did the carrie underwood duet where it was like it was kind of a sad love song but like it was still like kind of poppy yeah he's i've always thought of him as more of a and maybe i'm wrong maybe it's just i i don't know his uh his fucking um what's the word i'm looking for here his catalog that well but like i think i know a pretty good amount of Brad Paisley and I don't think he has any other song that's even remotely close to whiskey lullaby. That sparked in my head for some reason. Remember when, when Dave did wicked games by Chris Isaac,

it's not wicked games, but doesn't Chris Isaac also have something that's like terribly depressing? Uh, I don't know the answer to that. There's a song like associated with that where I think there's like a mother and a daughter or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a song associated with that. I think there's a mother and a daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a daughter. Something about shoes.

Please, sir, can you buy these shoes? Isn't that super sad? Yeah. Is that Chris Isaac? That's not Chris Isaac. Not Chris Isaac. For whatever reason, something like that. That's a Christmas song.

It's a weird Christmas song. Please, sir, can you buy these shoes? Isn't that super sad? Mama says there's not much time. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah that that might be up there on my list my number one sad song ever um tears in heaven eric eric clapton that's about his son falling out of a window right yeah five-year-old son yeah like fucking fell out of a like skyscraper like pushed a fucking window out i mean that is that's a sad song just like you know you can write

a sad song about like i'll see you in heaven sort of thing but when it's like i mean how do you how do you even like perform that song or like i get you know you're an artist and it's like cathartic and shit but like how do you even get in the booth and sing that or perform that live and get through it with every time you're thinking about your five-year-old son fall out of a fucking window i i would imagine it took a lot of takes I think it wasn't like the nanny you're supposed to be watching him and wasn't too so there's blame to go around

you blame yourself I mean there's always blame when a fucking dead child but you know someone gets sick you get sick it's like we could have stopped this and we didn't it's a good song I don't think I can listen to it though. I'll go too.

I'll go Cats in the Cradle. That one made me think of Cats in the Cradle. Cats in the Cradle is very sad, but it's also particularly sad because like... I don't know if I'm going to say it actually. It's just like my dad used to think of it. Yeah. Well, I mean, I do think it's going to be...

It's a very like father son thing i mean i feel like dads are like my dad especially like the last generation is very like tough and they're not gonna show emotion but his dad was always what made him like when his dad died or anything when i watch anything that's dad related filled the dream shit like that he's always like waterworks so it's like dads get once a dad tell like my dad told me that song is sad to him so that's it fucking sad to me your dad is sad by something that is like he didn't have to tell me that either right it's like i was like seven i was like sit down listen this song makes me sad yeah the fuck man yeah i do i just want to go play recess why are we doing this right now? We're on our way to T-Ball, man. I'm going to go with...

I'm going to go a little recent just to keep it modern here. I think that The One by Taylor Swift is gut-wrenching. How about this? Disagree. I think it's an uplifting song. This is like your fucking Manchester by the Sea thing. Which is correct take.chester which is correct take no it's a correct take yes it is i mean how could you say like like you could have been the one and like it would have been good and it's not it's i i think it's like i'm happy you're still you're doing okay at least yeah i mean i get that i think it's like we could have

been great but like we're both doing good now. Yeah, no doubt. But I actually think that's more sad. I think that makes it even double sad. I think if you're just like, this breakup has crushed me, it's like, you'll get over it. And in this case, it's like, we did get over it. But I still sit here and think, what if we didn't? Right. And all the times that were good were awesome,

but the times that were bad were just too much, and the throwingies in the pool roaring look at you on the t swiss yeah that's that's the only i really don't listen to her music because it's too sad for me there's probably a bunch of others on her album that i think would probably i mean folklore is i'm gonna have to have two taylor swift songs on here i i it's not even fun i have so many songs i want to put on here i have so many songs i want to put the one i actually is the only song i want to put on here. The one I actually is the only song I listen to. I don't really like the rest of her album. I like the one. I think that's a good song.

It wasn't like being incredibly wrong. Yeah, well, I mean. Even Pitchfork says it's a great album. Pitchfork thinks like fucking. Well, I think it's too sad, first of all. So I haven't been able to really even give it a shot. I don't know. Her style of music just doesn't do it for me.

But the one I think is good. But it's like, I mean, anybody who's ever had a like, well, like it could have been. I really think it makes it more sad that everyone's moved on and like everyone's good. I get that. It's almost like when somebody dies and you're like, when the funeral's over, you almost like the funeral because you're like, there's still something there. Yes. And then when it's over, it's just like, well, now you got to live your life without it.

It's like we've both moved on we're both good but that means we are truly done oh that's fucking that makes it double sad bro all right that's fair that's a fine take um okay number three i'm going to go number three i'm to go with... This is so hard for you. This is like asking me to pick out favorite sneakers or my worst Mets moment. It's like, there's so many.

I don't know what to pick. Okay, I'll go number three. Fuck, I don't... Fuck! Fuck! It's so fucking hard! That's funny. This is such an objective, subjective one where, like, you know, everyone's always like, dude, how could you not have this or that?

It's like this is a personal one for you that only you are going to be mad about. All right. I'll go George Jones. He stopped loving her today. I don't know that song, but that's that title. That's sad enough right there. He died. That's the only way he ever stopped loving her.

Oh, my God. Christmas. Holy shit. It's a very sad song. That is really tough. Really tough, George. That one hurt you. George. That one like hurt you. Yeah.

Oh, God. It's all about like, oh, the pictures are still up and everything's still up and, and he's just dead. And that's why he doesn't love her anymore. Damn.

That'll make, I don't know if I'm ever going to listen to that. Um, my next pick is my third pick. I will go, uh, this is, I've talked about it a lot recently, but I'll almost cry every time I listen to it. Uh, fast car, Tracy Chapman, that, that song to me is just like, there is such an element of life that is so fucking tough and hard.

And we don't even really live it. Like we, we, we got a pretty good, you know, like that, like the picture she paints of like, I don't want to live where I i live but i can't get out of here i can't make anything for myself because i've got a dying dad and my mom left him which like she had to do but now i'm gonna take care of him and then we do get out of the city we do get in the fast car and now we're together and we're kind of miserable too because that's just how life goes it's it's it's sad because it's first of all it's just so good but second of all it's sad because it's true where it's just like yep this shit sucks and even when you like you know go for it you'll just fall back in that same like that it that same rut. Ugh, god damn.

Third pick. Fourth pick. No, fourth pick. You're getting down to it. This makes it tough. I gotta fuck. Which direction? Because there's a lot of songs that are like, you know, I wouldn't put this on my list, but like Sound of Silence, like. I don't know that song. Hello Dark and Vile Friend. Oh. You know, it's like

you play that when it's a sad moment. See, that's not sad to me anymore because of fucking old school. Well, and just in general to me, it's like every time there's a meme or a video or whatever, but there are songs like that associated with sadness. Landslide's one of them. It's like a sad song, but it doesn't resonate with me. Those kind of things. I feel like these are all ones that like hit home for you yeah this one individual personally you know this one actually has a happy ending but like in high

school i listened to it when i like broke up and like it's it's blake shelton austin and it's like uh the chorus is like um if you're calling about the car i sold sold it. If this is Tuesday night, I'm bowling. If you got something to sell, you're wasting your time. I'm not buying. If it's anybody else, wait for the tone. You know what to do. And P.S., if this is Austin, I still love you. I fucking smoked that.

Hell yeah. You did. You got every word right, too. I'm looking at him right now. And it's just about a guy who just... Same thing. A girl he loves and the ending is happy. She calls him back.

The telephone fell to the counter. She heard, but she couldn't believe what kind of man would hang on that long. What kind of love that must be. She waited three days, and then she tried again, but she didn't know what to say, but she heard three rings, and then it's Friday. I mean, it is this yeah blake blake i have a blake and a fucking brad paisley like those are two like country singers like like uh like stadium country singers right some reason they're like the cold beer like hot nights type of guys yeah i'm gonna go with a little bit of a corny pick here more about like what it

when you hear this song and what it's kind of associated with um because i don't think i've ever listened to this song any other time than like a bittersweet kind of melancholy moment uh time of your life green day oh it's it's exclusively like you're it's so sad but it's not it's like exclusively like your eighth grade graduation slideshow where you're like i'm never gonna see these people again it's like you're gonna see them first period next year because you're a freshman calm down that that's the official song of you're young and you think you're going through something sad but you're not like you're graduating high school you're going to college.

It's okay, dude. Don't cry. But that's it. It's the graduation slideshow song. I remember that in fifth grade. Yeah, exactly. You're like, oh, no, fifth grade, I had to go to vitamin C graduation. And then there was, I forget what year, but yes, I've also.

That's a good song that is probably like cornified you know like it's become corny in a way but like when they wrote it it was probably just like awesome like a awesome like acoustic like poignant song you know but yeah the official like i'm sad because like i'm breaking up with my friends it's like no you're fucking not all right last one i have like what is like definitively one of the saddest songs of all time um I kind of want to sneak a Taylor in here but I can't I can't not have this

gotta be real to yourself it's Jason Isbell Elephant which is about watching a loved one waste away from cancer oh my god holy shit it is like if you just google Jason Isbell Elephant it's like Oh, my God. Holy shit. It is like, I mean, like, it is just like, if you just Google Jason Isbell, Elephant, it's like, everyone just knows. The cancer song.

It is the saddest song of all time. And he has, like, this, like, quote here. Jason Isbell told Uncut Magazine about this defiant, intimate witnessing of a loved one dying of cancer, whose inspiration dates back to before he met his wife singer songwriter amanda shires i was living above this bar in sheffield alabama for a long time before i moved to nashville with amanda and i was dating this girl who worked at the bar he recalled i told her she couldn't get too attached to the people sitting around the bar because they're all they're going to disappear and sure enough within a couple years half the regulars were gone it's a hard song for me to get through some nights it's just a really sad song fuck dude just write like a party song shit all right last pick for me i'm just gonna run through like these are just other things that popped into my mind i jotted down candle in the wind that was

you know that's the official like a celebrity died song uh sound of silence talked about everybody hurts by rem i don't find that that's like you know that's like this song you play when you're almost trying to be funny about something yeah being sad you know uh landslide was one mr lonely when we talked to akon that one um see you again is like the official new age song of like if somebody dies we're gonna play that that's the whiz khalif that's also one of those so overdone it's almost what i mean same thing as everybody hurts where it's like you know you're trying to be funny with it. Oh, this one almost would have made the cut for me.

One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. Just about like One Sweet Day, I'll See You Again. Once You Die. That one's tough. That one actually might... That's my actual pick for sadness. But I'm going to go with a rap song here.

This is a song that you definitely don't know. But I feel like sad rap songs are pretty like hard to come by and this is this is a good rap song so it's not you know when someone's like rapping it's hard to be like emotional you know usually it's like a slow guitar or piano whatever but there's a song by the lost boys called renee and it's just about like this guy who like meets his like ghetto princess and they fall in love and then she just gets fucking shot and she's dead. And it's just like, and it's like, he's talking about like everything they have in common and they smoke blunts together.

And like, she's, she's sexy and they fuck the way he wants to fuck and all this. And then like, he's like, I get a beep from her one day. I call, I call her up.

It's not her. It's her mom. And she says like, Mr. Cheeks, meet me at the hospital. Ray's been shot. And he's like,

and by the time I reached the hospital, they tell me Mr. Cheeks, Renee's gone.'s it like it's just it's like because it's rapid so fast but it's just like he met his like queen and then she gets shot and she's fucking dead i don't know if it's a true story or not but uh but but i gotta give it up to them because i remember being like that was like my favorite song when i was younger like young it was like the first album i ever bought was legal drug money by lost boys i remember being like you know listening to like fucking cal fucking California love and like rap songs with gin and juice.

And then it's like, oh, this guy met a girl and she gets shot and she's fucking dead. Dude, I remember that the only like sad rap song I can even think of, and I don't even know if it's sad or horrifying, but Immortal Technique was, I remember listening. Yeah, what's that song? I forget what it is, but I mean, the guy rapes his grandmother, I believe. Yeah, that's dark. That's not even sad. That's like, what the fuck?

I remember, like, working out. It was like a fucking football team workout, and we're all in the fucking gym playing this song. And I somehow, for some reason, started listening to the lyrics. And I was just like, what the fuck are we listening to right now? Like, he rapes and kills his grandmother right god or kill himself i forget it's a fucking i've only ever gone back to listen to it it's a fucking horrifying song oh you know what's a good one that just popped in my head um freshman by the verb the verb oh yeah about uh the abortion right yeah that's why oh yeah we should do another top five at some point of songs you don't know what they're about until later. And you're like, holy shit.

I've been singing along with this thinking it was about a party. I'm actually furious I don't have Mirrorball on my list. I think Mirrorball or fucking... That one, that hits home. Mirrorball. Mirrorball hits really hard. And Peace also is... Peace is...

Peace might... No surprise here that uh we have like nine honorable mentions yeah peace is like the most is so fucking heartbreaking because it's just like i can't you'll never be okay with me like you'll just it's just like i am surrounded by chaos and that's just my life and i can never give you peace but please love me anyway that for sure hits home that should just be called baggage well thanks to Roman you don't have to do this any longer

but let's say you don't have your Roman swipes you just think about these songs during sex you ain't coming you ain't coming man you think about that one elephant next time you're about to come play elephant if you don't about to come, play elephant. If you don't want to have to play elephant and tears in heaven,

if you don't want to have to think about Eric Clapton's dead son in order to make sure your boner lasts long, go get some Roman swipes. Your girl's not going to be, she's not getting turned on listening to the song about a five-year-old falling out the window. Your girl's not going to get wet listening to fucking Everybody Hurts. So get some Roman swipes to cut that out. You can play the sexy music. You can do whatever you want, and the Roman swipes take care of your dick.

You open up the package. You rub it on. It's like an alcohol swab almost, and it has this little numbing agent in it, I guess. Numbs your dick up just enough. It doesn't numb her or your partner. Numbs your dick just enough so that you can last longer but that you can still feel it and enjoy it, I guess. Numbs your dick up just enough. Doesn't numb her or your partner. Numbs your dick just enough so that you can last longer, but that you can still feel it and enjoy it, which is kind of a

it's like what you need in life. I guess that's what drugs are, but I need to numb this, but still be able to enjoy it, and that's exactly what Roman does for sex. Effective, easy to use, fast acting, doesn't require a prescription, and best of all, inexpensive.

Right now you can get it for just $5 when you go to GetRoman.com slash KFC. Don't play Tears in Heaven during bed. Use your Roman swipes. $5 when you go to GetRoman.com slash KFC. Change sex forever. Last longer, last better, and don't cry during sex. GetRoman.com slash KFC. What's up, KFC, Fights, BC, Nick, Jackie?

Quick question for you. I have a friend of mine from high school whose dad, when we were in high school, used to not allow us to wear hats in his house. We would have to take off our hats when we showed up and shake his hand without our hat on. It was pretty fucking stupid. So it just varies if you have any of your parents or your friend's parents that had ridiculous rules or, I guess, any ridiculous rules when you were growing up. All right. Thanks, Viva.

I mean, the hat is one that's like, you know, I never got that. Why it's rude to have your hat on inside. I don't know the answer to it, but I just know it is. Once it's taught, it's like all I think about. I don't think about the inside, but at dinner, I'll take a hat off. Definitely at dinner, but to just walk indoors and be like, I have to take this off. That's a weird one. It's very odd.

Take it off for the anthem. You take it off for whatever. But people take it off to greet a woman or just take it off inside. It's like, why are we fucking doing this? It's just a preview of hair. Yeah. Yeah, right? Hello, madam.

Hello, m'lady. Not balding. You could fuck me if you wish. That's the only. It's like, I think that there are, like, some traditions like that. Like, I don't know if that's actually why that one started. It probably isn't. But, like, opening the door for women,

I've always been convinced just so you can look at girls' asses. Like, even as a child, I was like, this is just to look at their ass. There's no other reason. Please,

after you. Like, go ahead and shake that thing, girl. There's like, there's no, like, what do you know?

I love that. Opening the door after you. How about the one where you're supposed to walk on the outside of the sidewalk? So you're just fucking. I always heard it was in case a car jumps. Well, that is like, it is the woman and children. And I buy into all this shit, too.

Like, I sleep next to the door. Because if someone comes in, like, my doing. I mean, guess what? You're all fucked. Yeah. What the fuck am I going to do? Tell a guy a joke? Imagine that.

No, but imagine, like, if you were, like, I tried to save her, but I was sleeping on the inside. Couldn't do it. I had to jump out of the bed first. I couldn't do it. I don't like when people make me take my shoes off. I hate. I fucking hate people who make you take your shoes off. I don't want to walk around barefoot.

I have no desire to be around your fucking socks. I look like a child. I'm on your slippery linoleum floor. I look silly. It's infuriating. Unless it's like, you know, if I came out of the snow or the mud, I'd get it. But if it's just like, you know,

normal-ass spring day, fucking sunny out, and my shoes are dry, and I just have to take my shoes off, and you're... I forget what show we were... Fucking, like, Japanese dojo or something? Maybe it was radio

like when you were out for when you're on vacation for a week like i i i've i've voiced my displeasure about this exact thing fairly recently it is fucking bullshit terrible oh maybe kut robbins does it i for i forget exactly where man is calico has a great bit about where he's like standing around with like four of the other dads at like a couple's party and they're all like some of them are literally barefoot because they were on flip-flops. He's just like, we're grown men standing here with our feet out. What the fuck is this? It's a fucking Curb episode, too, where they have the Russian guy, I believe he is.

If you don't tell me what to wear, fuck off. It's bullshit. It's absolute bullshit. I do have a weird one that I do still. You do. I actually have been thinking about how weird it is recently. Interesting. Because of my new living situation.

Okay. Where like, I don't flush the toilet until after I get out of the shower. You know what? I do that sometimes too. It's just like I grew up in a house with old pipes and it was just like. It was going to get cold. It would fuck with the thing. So like.

Yes. Like I'll get out of the shower. It's just like. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I knew where that was going. We get it. Got it. It's just like, like, just shit. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I knew where that was going. We get it.

Got it. It's bizarre. I won't leave that. But if I pee, I'll just, I'll just. No, I'll leave a poop. It's very weird. It's very weird. I still have a place that, by the way, will, like, you know, the water pressure goes down

and it will, I don't think it'll get cold, but, like, the water will take a little bit Your current place will? Yeah. Yeah. So, like, I actually should. But, yeah, that's an interesting one. I still. I don't think it'll get cold, but like the water will take your place. Yeah. Yeah. So like I actually should. But yeah, that's that's that's an interesting one. I still it's I don't know why. Sometimes I'm not even thinking about the water.

It's just like that's the that's the order in which I do. Yes. I pee. I shower. I brush my teeth. I flush. Like, I don't know. It's just like how it goes.

I don't I never liked probably because my household was not like this. But like going to I can remember specifically being at a friend's house once and i was like what's for snacks and they were like well we have like celery sticks with like peanut butter and i was like bitch i said what's for snacks like what are we gonna snack on not for my vitamins for the day yeah oh we also have carrots i ask you once again bitch what snack am i to have? I hate the overly healthy house. We were like soda and donuts. Our house was whatever you want.

Coming to my house was we had Nintendo 64 like a week before it dropped somehow. We got Kansas soda. We've got fucking the double stuff. We've got the king size candy bars. We got it all. People everywhere. We had a pool.

We had everything. People wanted to come to my house. I never want to go-sized candy bars. We got it all. People everywhere. We had a pool. We had everything. People wanted to come to my house. I never wanted to go anywhere else because your mom sucks. I'm going to be barefoot and eating carrots. Fuck you. We didn't not have candy, but it wasn't like we didn't have this pantry of candy. It was like a box of fruit snacks.

A box of fruit roll-ups. My mom was just like, shut the fuck up. Go eat your snacks, play video games, see your eyeballs bleed, and leave me alone. Like, now when I go home, it is that house. There's nothing in it. It's difficult to deal with. I hate that.

My parents, same thing now. Even things that aren't like that, you know, I'm like, you got any, like, bread? No, no, no. We don't eat bread. Come on! Give me something. I'm trying to think if I ever had, I do know that friend, that I any, like, bread? No, no, no. We don't eat bread. Come on. Give me something. I'm trying to think if I ever had.

I do know that friend. I had that friend. He had the pool. He had the candy, pecan spin wheels, fucking little Debbie snacks out the ass of all over the place. And that was, yeah, that was the house I liked to hang out at. Hell yeah. But, like, our house was, like, do you want some water? My grandma had the fucking black box.

Oh, that's where that's that friend's house is where i watched porn for the first time it was and it was an accident it was we were watching wrestlemania or one of the wrestling events and then it just switched over yeah i thought you had sex with people's assholes forever because the porn to flip to was i'll be honest and i was you um you know, that came back around. In the year 2018, 2019, certainly not 2020, you were proven right. It's almost exclusively buttholes now. It was very, I very vividly remember.

It was a secretary, and she had a hairy vagina, and she was riding the guy on his desk, the boss, so to speak. And I was just like, that's the sex hole. Isn't it the sex hole i want to fuck you in your sex hole isn't it funny that like porn used to be i will uh put my dick in you in your vagina and now porn is like i want to see you push rubber duckies out of your asshole shout out to lana rhodes like the the the switch like where's it gonna go i don't know i fear it you think we're just gonna watch like snuff films eventually i think it actually kind of tops out i think it's almost

like you know we're eventually we're gonna throw like 110 miles per hour and like that's it eventually it's gotta stop i think we might be approaching that with three penises in a butthole before yeah like how many more can we do there are certain physical limitations here but i'm sure if you told someone in the 70s that you were going to watch triple anal once or just single anal, they were like, what? So who knows? Maybe.

I feel like maybe I'm being that asshole who's like everything that's ever been invented has been invented in like 1980. But I feel like we're reaching our limits. I mean, look, they fucking just sort of electrocute people now. Yeah, I mean. It's going to have to just be straight pain. I don't care for the electrocutions.

No, I don't like that. I don't like the clothespins on the nipples. I don't like any of that stuff. The rest of it, I'll watch you beat the shit out of someone. But the electrocution and the clothespins really gets me. Lana Rhodes on Answer the Internet tonight with her boyfriend Mike. You know Mike from The Night Shift and Logan Paul Impulsive. I do love Mike. I do have to say this, and I respect the hustle.

They won an award once, maybe like a shorty or something like that for biggest podcast in the world, and they say that because it's almost like when we would do our pod track numbers and it's not including Bill Simmons and these guys because they're just not on pod track. It's like Joe Rogan's the biggest podcast and these guys. Cause they're just not on pod track. You know, it's like Joe Rogan's the biggest podcast in the world. Yes.

We can't say I get it. You won the award. That was like the people who were up for that award, but we can't call it the best podcast in the world. I, I would like being like, you know, I'm the best basketball player in the world. Like,

cause we're not including Michael Jordan or something like that. It's like, yeah, you just can't do it. But anyway, they're on answer the internet tonight. Uh, a do a duo,

uh, episode. And it is, it's very good. So check it out. Next question. Hey, boys. So I gave road dump last night for the first time. Road dump?

The only reason I did it was because the other day all my friends shared me for being 22 and never doing it before. And I don't get what the fucking hype is. Anyway, my question for you guys is what's on your sex bucket list and if you've already knocked it off what should be on my sex bucket list jesus christ love you guys i don't know if i can like make this decision for you roadhead is is over uh overhyped but it's also you know fun like you gotta check it off roadhead 60 nighting. To me, that's like the bronze silver gold of overrated sex novelties. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I think that's fair.

I think I only got Roadhead once, and I was driving like 14 miles. Absolutely. It was like fucking, what do you call it? Black Sheep? When he pulls over Chris Farley in Spain. You were going four. I was going impossibly slow in the high speed lane in Canada. Yeah.

It was like. I used to get roadhead from a girl like consistently. I'd pick her up and be like, let's do a loop. And she would blow me and be like, I'll loop you and then I'll drop you back off. That was good roadhead. She was good at it. That was enjoyable. When it's like we're on the open road on the highway and it's on a road.

Now, again, it's like if you're on like an eight hour road trip i'll welcome it it's like a cool like way to break up the trip it's just gonna be hard for her and tough for you cars these days are tough difficult yeah the center console has become a big thing yeah i mean could you imagine back in like the 70s where it's just a bench lay down and blow me like then it's awesome but uh but i i don't know about now um you know but but all all of those things it's like i i do want to fuck you in the shower but as i'm doing it i'm like wish i was in bed right now right and uh i do want a 69 you for a minute and then let's switch up and like do it individually so that we both can focus and both enjoy. And then what was the other one?

Oh, yeah, and then the Roadhead. So they're novelties, but they're fun. They are overrated. What's left on the sex bucket list? Triple anal, probably. Yeah. Get fucking electrocuted. Could you ever do anything where your dick touches another dick

um i i doubt it um i love the like the honesty like maybe yeah yeah those are weird like when you when you see the third member it's weird enough when it's two when those guys are like dick to dick and then you're just like make room coming through and you're just gonna jam a third dick in there and everyone's like you're coming because you're rubbing against another dick yeah so at that point i don't even think you're touching any of her asshole or vagina you're just rubbing dicks um i i still never have not i've not done any group stuff so i guess the bucket list for me would be a third person, third party involved. Yeah. Third party, fourth party, fifth party.

I don't know if I could go like full blown orgy, but I think I actually, you know what, you know what my hot take is. I think I do better in a foursome than a threesome, but maybe not. I mean, I guess I'm thinking about like, I'm not thinking about all the, like the number of guys that would kind of weird me out. But think if it's a threesome two guys want two girls one guy i feel like i am one person who has to please two people if i'm in like an orgy i feel like you kind of bounce around you know it's like you're at the cocktail party you know you say hi and then you just shift over another conversation and i feel like i can just you know bounce around

the room and fuck everybody a little bit but nobody's looking to adjust me to get everybody off i think that's a pretty sound argument. I'd rather fuck like eight people than two. Because it's like, I can't possibly please all of you. You could have a great night and you'll remember me fondly, even though I didn't really do anything. I'm getting the credit for something that

I didn't really... Precisely. A full-blown threesome. Like, alright, I have to fuck you until you come, but then I can't. I have to fuck you until you come or whatever. No, no, no. It is impossible. It's totally impossible. So that would be the only thing left for me.

For her, I mean, I don't know. Girl, it's up to you. Yeah, I have no idea how to answer. Especially like you're 22 now. I don't even know. I feel like I could tell a 22-year-old be like, well, I don't know. You should maybe experiment and do some ass play. And she'd be like yeah dude i did that seven years ago you fucking pussy you little prude so i don't even know what to tell you she's probably like yeah we did the electrocution

on prom night what do you want me to do god that's up to you i don't know go to the fucking basement of the kink.com castle i don't fucking know i have sex with a girl i'd fuck yeah yeah i think it's a little crazy if you're a girl and you know i have sex with a girl i'd yeah yeah i think it's a little crazy if you're a girl and you don't have sex with girls but that's at that at this point it's almost like that's like being the new virgin like when someone's a virgin it's like just what like do it it might be awesome what's the reason to hold out now i think that about lesbian sex let's do it i think that's right right but but right. Some are pretty high for girls. Someone put the script, like, why don't you have sex with a guy?

But we know there's a double standard there with girls. It's just like, yeah, that doesn't really play. I'm not going to buttfuck a dude. You should eat out a girl. Double standards. They cut both ways. Last Voice Miller Day is brought to you by Miller Lite. Because we're sitting here talking with you guys.

You're calling us up. We're answering your questions because we're all friends. with you guys. You're calling us up. We're answering your questions because we're all friends. We're all buddies. We're all internet friends and family, and we've been that way for nine years now, eight years, pushing nine years, and it's all thanks to the KFC Radio voicemail hotline. And so it's very apropos that Miller Lite brings that to you today because Miller Lite has been a lifeline for people to share stories,

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You guys do that. We crack open a beer. You open up a, you crack open a bottle or you open it up for your buddy who's got sausage fingers and he can't open them himself. And you talk and you share stories. And maybe you listen to a sad song and you cry. Maybe you tell a good tale and you laugh.

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Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. MillerLite.com slash KFC to find the delivery options near you to get them sent right to your house while you stay socially distant and enjoy the podcast and enjoy your friends and enjoy your Miller Lite. Last one. Let's go, Nick. What's up, KFC?

It's like B.C. First time, long time. So I got a question. So I'm asking for the girl on Bumble like a week ago, and we've been talking ever since, and last night she started sexing me. So I stuff like, Can you press pause for a second?

Because we're in some sort of goddamn train tunnel or something. I mean, pull your windows up when you're talking. For real. Holy moly. Alright, he's messaging with a girl on Bumble. They started sexting. They started sexting. Proceed. She just started saying some wild shit. Like, one of the things she said was she wants to be my little tongue twister. and that kind of just threw me for a loop.

Which, I mean, hey, I'm all for it, but, uh, problem is, I'm a virgin, so... My question is, how the fuck do I back this up when we meet? Like, I'm just gonna absolutely blow my lid in like 30 seconds So how the fuck do I end up doing that? I have talked to Jake Gaines and I cannot back out Uh-huh I look forward to it and keep up the good work, J-Bell Alright, first of all, uh How the fuck you a virgin, bro?

Like, it doesn't seem like it's like a waiting thing Like, it seems like, I mean, you gotta be fairly attractive, I imagine If this girl wants to be your little cum slut Uh, and it doesn't seem like you were like intentionally holding out Maybe he's disgusting You gotta be fairly attractive, I imagine, if this girl wants to be your little cumslut. And it doesn't seem like you were intentionally holding out. Maybe he's disgusting. How the fuck are you a fucking virgin? Maybe he's just absolutely disgusting.

He didn't sound disgusting. He didn't sound disgusting. And again, disgusting people don't usually get messages like, I want to be your little cumslut. Right, right. So that is bizarre. You'd think if you're a virgin that you've never even heard a girl talk like that like talk to you let alone talk like that to you right cum slut now i will say this that's that's a that's a that's a sexy sex that's a that's a power move but these things are becoming more and more normalized you know cum sluttery just yeah like listen like guess what you know your girl's not going to be offended with you calling her a slut anymore.

In certain scenarios and circumstances. You call a girl a slut, like, to her face at the bar that you don't know. Yes. You call your girl a slut in bed, she's going to be like, yeah. That's why we're fucking here. So, you know, that for the virgin is probably like, whoa, but I think you should. That is aggressive. Don't get me wrong. That's a text if I got it, I'd probably like, whoa, but I think you should, that is aggressive. Don't get me wrong.

That's a text if I got it, I'd be like, hell fucking yeah. But I do think those things. Honestly, that would scare me too. Yeah? I would be like, holy shit, I am in over my head. If a girl says, I'll be like your little slut, it's one thing. Cum slut is like, you particularly want that cum in and around your mouth or other parts of your body. That is something it's a it's a i wouldn't be turned off by it but i would say oh boy i'm in yeah but i'd say i'd say

oh boy in a good way this is like um you know like you're a you're applying to a job you know you are unqualified for but are you gonna say no right right so they might give you this job that's a hundred thousand dollars a year and then you'll just figure it out when you're there show up day one and you might get fired she might kick you out of bed and you'll never fuck her again but you gotta like go try and it's like anything else in life sex is like anything else in life snake it till you make it so like show up to that job on the first Roman up Roman up. You got it. So that, the literal scientific answer now is go to getroman.com slash KFC. Get a bunch of Roman swipes. You know, you're hooking up.

You're like, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick before we start fucking. You go to the bathroom, you rub it on. Whatever. I don't know. Maybe it's dark in there. You fumble around. You put on another one in the middle of sex. You get too Roman'd up.

You keep these motherfuckers on decking tin. You have them already. I would suggest you go to the bathroom, open up a bunch of them, put them in your pockets, and just have them at the ready. Just grab them and put them on. Put them on the bedside table, put them under the pillows, whatever it is, so you can just grab them and rub them on while you're switching positions and stuff. That's

boom, your problem fixed. But, I mean, foreplay is your friend, man. Spoiler alert, they like the foreplay better than the sex. Your dick stinks. You know? So just spend a whole shit ton of time with your hands and your mouth for

an extended period of time. And then when you put it in and it's done in a minute, it's like, should I hurt her? She got hers. And it is the worst when they're like, no, come on, come on. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. We're going to hang out down here for a little bit longer, okay? Why don't you fucking keep your panties on?

Literally. I think, and when you do come, lay it on thick. Tell her, you know, make it like a compliment for her. Like, you're so fucking sexy that I came everywhere like instantly. I always just go with a whoops. Yeah, sure. Like, it's like anything else in life. It's just go with a whoops. Yeah, sure. Like, it's like anything else in life.

You, it's as big of a deal as you let it be. You know, if you turn red and you're like, Oh my God, this never happens. I swear. And then it's a thing.

It's a problem. If you're just like, Whoa, that was, you were so fucking sexy. And I was just not ready for that. Like I give you five minutes. We'll go again. Well,

you're, you're a little bit of a freak in that regard, but. I give five minutes to ease you. Fucking go right now. Let's go. I didn't want to fucking intimidate you too much, but I'll fucking won't even come out. I'm just fucking my own cum in there. Let's go.

Goodness gracious. Yeah, man, just go get laid, though. Yeah, fucking stop being fucking. Find a fucking willing person. If you want to be a virgin, be a virgin. But it doesn't seem like you want to be a virgin, so go have sex. And if you've got girls calling you cum sluts, let it rip. And don't worry about cumming fast.

I'll be honest. I had a moment the other day. I think lasting long in bed is for the birds. I think it's overrated. I really think if you can last super long or if you're drunk and you're like numbed up, it's like I really don't think she's enjoying it either. I think

there's a natural amount of time for sex. I don't know what the right amount of time is. It's almost like a joke. Like I was watching watching the goddamn Jesse the day before we put it out and we had an edit done and I was like we have to cut cut those jokes starting after this point because I reached my point. I laughed at a couple things. I thought that was funny.

And then I did two or three more, and those were funny, but I reached my point, so just cut them. I think that's like sex. And I think it's like especially you've done a couple positions. Hopefully she's like come once or maybe if you're lucky even more. And then it's time then it's time jack hammering away like like if you if you i feel like if you tell a girl to flip over and you're like fucking her and then you're like flip back onto her back i think she's like wait what you know it's just like it's gone too long i think i think long sex overrated so don't worry

about coming soon i think that's fair. Roman Swipes will give you just the right amount and the rest is like having too big of a dick. There can be too much of a good thing. Too long, too big, too furious. Let's get to our interview. Colin Quinn, the legendary Colin Quinn. It's brought to you by Thursday Boots. This interview is brought to you by the Thursday Boots company.

They are a bootstrap startup that's been shaking up the industry. on over to thursdayboots.com to try on a pair today with free shipping and free returns and if you use their survey at checkout let them know that i sent you there these guys we've been working with them for a long time we had our own signature boots a couple seasons in a row high quality boots that really are truly genuinely stylish with the different le, different suede, different colors, different patterns and designs. Really high quality stuff that's affordable because they cut out the middleman

and just get them delivered right to you. So go to Thursdayboots.com to try out your pair today with free shipping and free returns. Let's talk to the legendary Colin Quinn now. Hey, what's up? Hello. How we doing? What's going on, man? Hi, guys. What's good?

How are you? No, I'm fine. You guys are the first ones to see my new set I put together. Very nice. We have always, I mean, throughout this whole thing, looking at everybody's backgrounds with their Zoom cameras has always kind of been a unique thing, and I got to give it to you. I think you win.

Gold medal for you, Colin. Well, because I have books, so people go, oh. Smart. You have to have books. I have a picture. It's a picture of myself, so that's kind of a bad taste. But, you know, I look at it. It's good enough for the Russian oligarchs.

It's good enough for me. We appreciate the time, man. Thanks. This is kind of a bucket list thing for us. We've been having a lot of comedians on the show over the last, I don't know, three, four years. And obviously adding you to the pantheon for sure because you are kind of regarded as one of those comics comic. I always feel like I always hear it's you and Dave Attell whenever people mention, you know, if you're a comedian, your favorite comics. And I feel like you two are almost exclusively always mentioned.

So I guess it's been a pretty good run for you. That's got to be one of the highest compliments you can be paid, no? Yeah. I mean, it's definitely the highest compliment you can be paid. And the lowest financial compensation you can be paid. Unless you're more of a comedian, no one's HBO Max money coming now. Hey, that's that. You can't knock that.

Yeah, totally. What do you think it is that makes you get that reputation? Is it something about your comedy? Is it something about how you are when you're offstage? Why do the OGs really gravitate towards you? I don't know, but I'll tell you right now from day one, when I was new, comedians liked me me and I don't know why I was trying to please the crowd

but it didn't work out that way I always pleased the comedians when I started I don't think you can say you didn't please the crowd but that is interesting maybe that's yeah I'm saying from the beginning when I was the crowd hated me for a couple of years when I started the comedians didn't like me so I don't know what it is

maybe that's what it was though maybe they saw that you were just like this guy doesn't really give a shit about us he is focused on the crowd I don't know what it is. Maybe that's what it was though. Maybe they saw that you were just like, this guy doesn't really give a shit about us. He's just, he is focused on the crowd and, uh, and that's, that's what it's all about.

Maybe that's why. No, I mean, I was not focused on it. Like the crowd didn't like me. I think you mean, but like where you were, you,

you weren't trying to please comedians. Were you, you were trying to please the crowd. I was trying to please the crowd, but I was giving off a message to the crowd that said i don't give a shit about you and that's why all right i get it i get it and that's why the comics are like yeah this guy's cool i wasn't trying to do that but it must have something i don't i don't know what it was but yeah it was all comedians kept me in the business that's for sure is there a big difference are you

still in new york yeah yeah so you've been new york through and through did you ever do like a stint out in la yeah i did two years in la for that i mean overall you know in your whole career that's a drop in the bucket really uh yeah i feel like most guys do make the move out there and you just what you're never a west coast guy you wanted to stay in new york the whole time i lived there for a couple of years i liked liked it. For some reason when I was out there, I stopped doing stand-up. I just was like, nah, I don't feel like doing it out here. I don't know why, but

I came back and started doing it again. Was that when you, I saw you tweeted I don't know what it was, a couple days ago, a couple weeks ago, whenever, about your failed cocktail audition? Was that down in LA? That was before I left.

How'd that go? Well, Tom Cruise, I went in, as he knows my tweet, and I wasn't really a trained actor to put it mildly. I was a comedian, so they put me into a room. It was like 1986, whenever the movie came out. So they put me in a room, and like, oh, and it's Tom Cruise. He's already a superstar.

You know? So I was a little bit starstruck, but I was like, I know how to act. I don't know why I thought this would work. And so I started miming, because I used to be a bartender. I started miming drinking drinks. And you could feel the disgust.

Tom Cruise, you could tell Tom Cruise had like a pity he's like oh look at this guy I'm like yeah and I knew the worst is it's bad enough when you think it's going bad but I thought it was going good I was like this like nobody would ever

thought of it I'm like I was a bartender so it's not gonna look stupid I got this I sucked all the energy out of the room the one thing I left with was I took every bit of air in the room I didn't get the job

I just took your souls with me one of the few times I was listening to something, I walked out and said, I definitely didn't get that. It's not going to be that bad, but I'd be like, they love me. That's when I was like, whoa. We did one trip out to L.A. a couple years ago where we like, it's not even like we had anything to pitch, really. I don't even know what we were doing out there.

I have no idea what we were doing. I couldn't even tell you what we talked about, but we took a few meetings at like, I guess networks and shit. And every meeting we walked out of, we're like, yo, these fucking guys liked us.

We're making it. We're on our way. We weren't even pitching anything. We were just talking to people. That's the old cliche they say about in New York. If they hate you, they'll tell you in LA, if they're not going to give you the job, they take you out to lunch.

At least shoot me straight. Just tell me, man. A hundred times out there too, where you're sitting there at the meetings and just talking and you're like, these guys love me. But there's some other part of your gut that tells you something's not going. Like there's a little part of you that's like, why don't I feel good? These guys love me. And you get in your car and you're validated

and you just, something's going on. I can see it happening a hundred times. They're going, we know these guys have something. And they're trying to figure out, they don't know what it is. And they're like, yeah. So what do you guys do and they just want they want your popularity to translate but they don't have an idea how to do

it no that's exactly what it is i'll tell you what we fell into like uh the hollywood lifestyle very quick though like the first meeting we were like scared to say anything by the end of the day i was like where's my fucking water where's my how did you not give me a water when I got in here? And that's the advantage to all about the water. Yes, always. I'm out there. Within a week, I had a rental car. I was just staying there in Oakwood. Within a week, I said, I went

back and rented a Mercedes. I found my Mercedes in these horrible meetings that are going terrible. I feel like by the end we were like, listen, you know, I know things are going good with like Game of Thrones, but I think you should be doing this and the other thing. Oh, I was giving them ideas.

We were at Universal. I was telling them what they should do with the Fast and Furious franchise. I was like, here's an idea for you guys. I'm glad you guys said that because my first, I was on MTV, so I was a little numb. So they're trying to do a deal with me in 1989, you know, 90, whatever. And the same thing happened where they bring me in. So they go, are you going to meet the producers?

But I didn't know the producers wrote the scripts in TV. The writer is the producer. So they go, what do you think of our script? Oh, no. Not funny, but I think you and my friends in comedy, we could fix it for you. It's pretty hacky.

And they're looking at me with daggers in their eyes. I'm going, can I go to my agent? What do you think of me? Like that Saturday Night Live skit. They hated you. What? They hate you.

What did you say to them? We couldn't figure it out like until six times in. And we go, oh, yeah. They're the writers. Talking to the writers. So how did it go when you got Tough Crowd? What was the tipping point there?

Tough Crowd started with Law and I came off SNL. So it was like an NBC show for three episodes. And then it was doing really well, but they didn't want to handle it, which in retrospect, I understand why. Yeah, it was doing really well but they didn't they didn't want to handle it which in retrospect i understand why yeah it was a bit much yeah i mean it's supposed to be a bit much but sometimes but i mean um so then comedy central said we want to do a show like that i go great once a. Once a week, half hour. I wrote part of it so it was under control. They go, no, we want it every day, five days a week.

So I was like, all right, well, I can't do that. Gave me a couple of writers, but we still couldn't control. Oh, shows I brought on to you, the uncontrollables. I like that, the uncontrollables. Yeah. Like the movie, what was that movie with the, you know? Yeah, the untouchable, or the expendables.ables yeah you brought the controllables in yeah these are the comedy expendables and then just started having these shows and it was you know i i know it in my mind

it succeeded in the sense that i wanted to be people because we're supposed to be so funny with the cup i wanted to be like funny with the cup. I wanted to be like funny with the cup. Everybody just doing what they want, being brutally honest and trying to, you know. So it succeeded many times. And but in the grand scheme of things, obviously, we're not going to keep that for that long. Yeah, but that I mean, I feel like you can go into a show with two two different goals, I guess, or mentalities of like, I want to make it on the air for 25 seasons, or I want to be like fucking funny with my guys who are going to let it rip. And you really, I don't think you can have both. I think that's impossible.

Yeah. I think, I think you're right. I mean, I'm happy given the choice. I'm glad we went that way. Yeah. Yeah. But, but, uh, was that something you would tell, know the the uh uncontrollables like just fucking i don't care what happens just let it rip i mean i didn't tell him that but there was the message you know i was like yeah well i was just trying to make it spontaneous every day yeah it's funny and real so i mean you know half the time you know on the show they turn on me in the middle of my show i was reading um where you would tell everyone no no applause allowed what was that was just because you wanted to just be about laughter and comedy because i hate this is before claptor existed but now claptor is i was right about that because I wouldn't even let them applaud when I did my

monologue. No applause. Cause if you do a comedy, applause is for rallies for agreement, political, or, you know, anything laughter is the only thing comedy has. I didn't want people to be fooled by applauding instead of laughing. So, you know? Yeah. but i also feel like when i i'm at a comedy club i guess it's always accompanied with laughter but when someone really nails like a very astute point like it's funny but it's also a good reference that i'm like oh shit i do do that or that really is on point i find myself because it is it is approval like

you said like i'm i'm giving you respect while i'm laughing but i can't i guess it can't just be the clapping well like you said you can't have both so i decided to become a fascist and stop all so wait at that point in your career i mean you're you're pretty political now i guess i guess you know tough crowd you're always speaking your mind and and whatever but but now that you know everything is so much more politicized, are you going for more, are you still going for laughter? Are you going for more approval or agreement or whatever? Yeah.

No, I mean, I, you know, I, I feel like that's the only value comedians have because, because, because it doesn't matter if you have a profound point,

if you have a profound point and you're being funny and you're a comedian, if you just have a profound point, that's not a comedian. That's a philosopher. You can call them anything. A comedian is supposed to be getting laughs and eliciting whatever point you make. It's laughter first, like Dr. First Do No Harm comedian. First, I want to make sure you're getting a laugh. And then if you want to make sure you're getting a leg yeah and then if

you want it down that's fine but i don't want and then the audience gets in that space where they're like well we have to applaud this you know because it's the right point today especially today where everything is you know so brainwashing so you know people are so you know monolithically you know yeah have you like changed uh your your style at all in recent years because of like the way the world is and society and the audience maybe? I mean, I've probably taken out, I've probably been more specific and precise because you can't, if you say the wrong buzzword, people will dismiss it automatically.

And then you're like, no, no, no. You're not even listening to the book. You used to be able to tell people something and they'd see the joke inside of it. It should be ironic or whatever. Now you have to be very specific about what you're trying to say. I think in some ways, does that make you better

though? Yes. Yeah. Some people say the PC culture is ruining comedy and I think it's ruining it if you're in some ways does that make you better though yes yeah like some people say like the pc culture's ruining comedy and it's like i think it's ruining it if you're kind of like a hack but the really good ones can articulate it the right way where it's still funny well no i still say pc culture rules okay i'm not but yes you're right it's both it does make it does ruin it for hacks but they also are just so i mean yeah. Yeah, it's just overbearing. People are literally watching comedy now like, okay.

And it's like, you can't have, you know, you can't be, being on point is good. You're right. But people be, there's a new hack. And it's people that do their joke, but first make a statement that the audience is like okay this person just said something that we can't disagree with right right hacks are like you know like cockroach you can't kill them they just transform into pc hacks what with like um what made you kind of because red state blue state was before trump right uh no oh it wasn't constitution before trump my first show about the country was called

unconstitutional and that was 2014 13 and 14 that was before trump oh so what what made you do unconstitutional like what because it is such a dangerous, weird, politicized world. What made you be like, all right, I'm going to dive headfirst into it? Yeah, because I feel like this is real. I mean, I'm not the only one. The whole country, everybody in this country feels like something's going to blow. It's just crazy right now for everybody. And so, I mean, comedy is the elephant in the room kind of stuff.

So it was like one of those things where I was like, let me try to figure this out myself at least. So I said, let me start with the constitution because that's where this whole philosophy of this whole personality as a country, like the way people are here is based on that. And so now we got the book coming out, Overstated, which is the coast to coast,

uh, roast. Uh, is that, uh, you know, more of the same ideology behind it or what, what's,

what's different from, from that, I guess I should say. I don't feel bad already. Several Twitter followers have helpfully told me coast to coast roast. Oh, I would be honest honest i like it now i feel like an idiot because i like it i thought it was fine

yeah i do but of course right away people like everybody's a critic and um but what the ideology is the same. And the ideology is the same. The same thing, which is like, I'm trying to figure, I'm trying to like, you know, just analyze all the different states and the mentalities because the truth is 50 states is big. It's impossible. It's ridiculous to try to govern all of that at once. It's impossible.

So that's basically what the book is, the different personalities of each state. Do you think as like a New Yorkerer it's it's i mean can you even really tackle the mentality of uh fucking idaho or something well i've been to 47 states so yeah you know i'm throwing my two cents here but no you can't you can't and that's the whole point you can't tackle them and they can't tackle us right tackle each other and get them into line with their thinking and that's one of the conflicts we're having you know did you travel for this book or was it written like just like in memories and stuff like that no i mean i was gonna travel for

it it was all based on memories yeah what's the three states you haven't gone to yet the dakotas fuck them and wyoming fuck. Fuck them. Who cares? Nobody needs them. There's no audiences out there. Who cares? No, but I wrote the way I wrote the book was I wrote all the states, all the states that were going to be the hard ones at the beginning. And that was the best thing I've ever done. Like all the Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, all those places early.

And I'm sure every state will have great feedback and not think that you, you know, miss something or mischaracterize them right i've already yeah yeah a little spoke i've already attacked it but but i did definitely everybody the good thing i did was every state i insulted very brutally so that's equal opportunity man you say they would take it easy on yeah we we do this thing here every couple months where we'll put up a graphic that we completely make up where it's like every state's favorite fast food restaurant. And we literally, these guys at our company, will make up places that don't exist and put them on the map. And they'll have people being like, we don't even fucking go to that place, man. We like McDonald's. And it's not even real.

But people get fired up when you try to characterize them as you know their state is xyz you're right especially since i'm not from there of course right right you know you've got their their pride in it i mean look at college football it's the only thing that people really keeps everybody to you know unified that's it that's all we got. I think that's so weird. If you're not even footballing, I just think being proud of where you're from is odd. Yeah, it's a little bit.

I'm from Massachusetts. It's fine. Are you like a proud New Yorker? Let's not act like Massachusetts people aren't just as cocky. The cockiest, the most obnoxious states, New York City and Long Island, the most obnoxious. Massachusetts, just most obnoxious states, New York City and Long Island, the most obnoxious. Massachusetts, just as obnoxious.

Texas. Those are the three cockiest places. Right. I agree with that. But I don't share that mentality. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. You want to go to Boston? Go to Boston.

I'm not like, you haven't lived if you haven't been on Newberry Street. It's like, all right, it's fine. Whatever. It's the fucking same as everywhere else. Boston group, I mean, you can blame before 2000, they weren't really like that. They were only pushing on Connecticut

and New Hampshire. But once Belichick, the Red Sox, Belichick and Brady, they just exploded. It really is. I mean, like, Texas is kind of, you know, everything's bigger in Texas, sort of cowboy, oil, all that shit. New York is the money and the big city. Boston has that same, but

just because of sports. They don't have anything else. I know when it flipped for me. I know that there was one year where, like, I was going to school and I was, like, kind of the lovable loser in high school and, like, everyone's like, Boston stinks. And then one day I was just, like, the Incredible Hulk. And I was like kind of the lovable loser in in high school and like everyone's like ah boston stinks and then one day i was just like the incredible hulk yeah and i was like

fuck all of you you guys suck i fucking hate you bro 2004 yeah yeah incredible are you where do you stand on this whole uh this new york city is dead story which i, which has kind of infiltrated the comedy world as well. Jerry Seinfeld had his op-ed response. Right, right. Where are you? I mean, you're still here, so you're living through it. Do you feel like the city, I mean, obviously the city has changed, but would you characterize it as dead or alive or what?

I mean, you know, it's in horrible shape. I mean, where it goes, I don't know, you know, it's in horrible shape. I mean, where it goes, I don't know, you know, but it's definitely, you know, I mean, I just can't leave because I don't belong anyplace else. Right. But it's definitely in bad shape right now. When you say that, what do you mean when you say you don't belong anywhere else? That's such a funny statement, but I kind of feel the same way. Every place else I've been, I'm like, I love it it here i love it here in la i love la i love it

when i go vacation i'm like wow this is great and then i come back and i'm just under uh coming back from the airport in a cab and i'm like oh i love you so much i've always felt like i mean i don have, I've been here my whole life. So I have my friends and family here, but I don't, I, I, I don't know. I don't really feel that like return home and love it, but I also just don't think I could go anywhere else. I don't know what it is. Yeah.

I think it's just, it's also the personality, like people from, from Detroitstate area have a certain, like everybody has a certain personality that they just, you know, that it's just, I don't know, people from here just the way everybody's like this. This is how everybody is, you know. I feel like everybody, Massachusetts, you know, the Midwest, everybody's just like comfortable with their people. Yeah.

We've said it before with, you know, when we have guests on, that there's just, there's a different vibe and a different connection we have with someone who's from the East Coast. We don't even have to know it going in. We could afterwards be like, hey, where's he from, by the way? Like, oh, he's from Jersey. No wonder we hit it off. There really is a palpable difference in the conversation. I don't know what it is.

I mean, I guess you're just more personable or whatever, but there really is a big difference. as long as we speak fast like this conversation yeah it's very fixed you know yeah i feel like sometimes you're talking especially like middle america they're like literally can't keep up like what what are you saying you know and um yeah it's always amazing yet when you think it, some of the greatest comedians, I mean, Richard Pryor, Sam Kenison are both from the same town in Illinois. Wow, weird. Isn't that weird?

Yeah. It's called Skokie, one of these towns, yeah. Not Skokie. But anyway, yeah, there's a lot of – it's always funny to me because when I was growing up, all the great comedians came from Boston. Yeah. All these Boston guys, you know? Yeah. What do you think that is, too, though?

I mean, I feel like Boston does have a pretty long list of guys who either really cut their teeth there or just happen to be from there. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the audiences are so mean in a healthy way for comedy that you just have to be to another level you know guys are assholes it's weird because like when i was living in boston stand-up comedy like wasn't like a a thing really you know like like in new york there'll be plenty of times where we're hanging out having a beer at dinner and it's like hey you want to go to the cellar tonight? I don't think in my... I probably lived in Boston for five years, six years. I don't think

one single time anyone ever suggested us go to a comedy... Honestly, I don't know if I could tell you where a comedy club is in Boston. Really? Do you think that's just you though? Yeah, no. It died so hard in those years. The 2000s. It died. It used to be

in the 80s, it was the best place on the planet because they paid the most money because this guy Mike Clark was the big booker and he just paid a lot of money. And so we made more money in Boston for one night and it was shows everywhere. There were six clubs in Boston.

Small city. Six comedy clubs. And yeah, then it did die in the 2000s, I guess, right? Yeah, I mean, there were a few times where we'd like, yeah, we should go to a show at some point in the next week or two, and we never went. But here, I mean, I go to comedy clubs

obviously when they're open. I go to comedy clubs all the time because it's just like, hey, what do you want to do tonight? So what the hell was the answer when you and your friends said, what do you want to do tonight in those days days Blackout Yeah I just drank Do you listen to podcasts Colin No

Do you like podcasts Would you consider doing one Do you not care for them Do you think they're stupid No I like them It's not for me It amazes me It's the same thing with what radio used to be it amazes me but keeping it going for that many hours is not easy and it's

not i couldn't do it i mean oh i think you could do it i definitely i mean you you 1000 maybe you wouldn't like it but could you do it and be good at it? A billion percent. But put it this way. Does anyone need another comedy podcast talking about comedy with other comedians? That's the problem. Yeah, but you're probably right. But again, you are one of these, you know, one of like two or maybe three guys who I think people do want to hear it from. I'm just pitching you to make you do a fucking podcast.

You should do it. hear it from. I'm just pitching you to make you do a fucking podcast. You should do it. Leave a mic on the table. I mean, but the problem is that I feel like comedy in particular, they've got people that do that. So it's like I'm going to jump in now and talk to the same other people, and then every time I say something, I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, but forget about what you said to that guy. Here's what I want to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Talk to me instead. Well, Rogan is obviously the king of it. Today, I guess somebody asked Donald Trump, would he do a four-hour debate with Biden, with Rogan as the moderator, which is actually something, I don't know if you've seen it, but over the years on the internet, there's always been a little bit of a grassroots movement from people to be like, Joe Rogan should debate, should moderate these debates.

And now, like, it's, I don't know, maybe a step towards actually coming to fruition. Pretty fucking wild. That would be great. A stand-up comic moderating the debate would be the greatest. But I mean, you know, I mean, that would be the greatest thing ever. I would throw your name in that ring. I feel like you could do a really good job in it. I don't know if you'd like it, but I think you could do it for sure.

But they don't want, I don't have a podcast. I mean, you know. Dude, you know that you're Colin Quinn, right? You know who you are. Like, if they said tomorrow Colin Quinn was the moderator, people would be like, oh, he doesn't even have a podcast. You could do it, dude. I promise you.

Oh, how about this? I do an episode of Tough Crowd with Trump, Biden, Kamala Harris, and Mike Pence. Let's go. Now we're cooking with gas. I love it. What an idea. All right. So the other thing we do here, we have a show called Answer the Internet where we've compiled

all of these crazy hypothetical and kind of mind-bending questions that we've heard over the years on our show and gathered from the internet. Do you mind if we hit you with some of those? Yeah, sure. All right. Let's do it. So we're going to do – let me pull up the list of questions here. It's on the bottom of the screen. Okay, cool.

All right. Answer the bottom of the screen. Okay, cool. All right. Answer the internet with Colin Quinn. Who's the number one celebrity, will do dead or alive, whose birthday party you would want to attend? Number one celebrity, dead or alive, whose birthday party I would want to attend?

Well, you know, you heard my famous Robert De Niro birthday party story right that's a number one one to remind the audience I did Robert De Niro's birthday party his 60th birthday party and I bombed so badly I not only ruined his birthday

10 years later him and his wife were outside the cellar Jim Norton goes hey remember when Colin did your birthday party? And both of their faces darkened with hate. Ten years later. What do you remember? Like, was there like a specific joke or a moment that you were like, holy shit.

I remember the whole thing. I remember the entire blow my blood. I remember him calling blow my blood I remember calling me and saying hey I'd like you to do this birthday party just do your De Niro impression for two minutes and I remember me like Ralph Crampy going I'll do better than that

I remember the waiters faces when I got there like envious like I tried to be an actor and this guy's making a living in showbiz. I remember the way his face is when I left disgusted. Was it really that bad? Like I can understand the impression maybe, but like at this point you're a professional comedian. Like I told the story, but my suit was drink. My suit, not my shirt.

All right, so not Bob De Niro. I didn't even sweat on stage. My whole suit was drenched. One monumental. I don't think I've ever seen a wet suit. When you get the pit stains in the jacket, it's special, man. That is special. So that's the birthday party I definitely would not attend.

You know what? I mean, obviously you don't want to ever bomb, but now looking back on it, isn't it almost better to have that story that you bombed so colossally? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'd rather have killed and gotten in forever with Scorsese and De Niro and those guys, but given the choice between mediocre and that,

I'll take the ball. Every time. Do you get nervous on stage at all anymore? Do I get nervous? Yeah. No, you get a little bit excited before. Yeah, you get a little bit nervous, I guess, but not in a bad way, but you get nervous, yeah.

Crazy. You need a couple of minutes to get up. Some guys, they'll talk to you and go, most of us, you have to meet two minutes alone. Focus, get in the zone. Get in there, you know.

Question number two. If you were kidnapped, what TV cast would you want to come save you? If I was kidnapped? What TV cast? Does it have to be a show now? No, no, no, no, whatever you want.

I mean, I would say, you know, this is one of those questions today. I mean, obviously, every guy, let's just take this question and say 1998. Okay. So the answer to the question would be like something sexual with whatever, you know, Baywatch or whatever. So now you can't say

that even though that's where you went to save your voice. Yeah. Now, so what are you going to say? The answer would be like be like oh i'd like it to be you know the sopranos well that sounds sort of like weird like what you need other guys to say so this is what i'm talking about there's got to be a place between toxic masculinity and uh you know being a you know, a wilting flower waiting for a big pussy to save you from, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Let us know when you find that middle ground. That's the queer eye for the straight guy. I want those guys to come save me. A trans-related show. Somebody to sort of compromise in between. What would you do if you only had 30 minutes to live? If I only had 30 minutes to live?

That's a short time. Not a lot to get done. I couldn't even think of shit in 30 minutes. Well, all right. What if I gave you 24 hours? If I had 30 minutes to live, I would buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke like 12 of them. Just let them rip.

Do you still smoke? No. I haven't smoked in 20-something years. smoke like 12 just let him rip have you have you do you still smoke no i was smoking 20 something years but i mean i would miss it every day yeah just sit there and rip them like colin what are you doing i'm almost about to die dude i'm on number fucking nine what oh those those just they they go down like glass man i don't don't know. Those are fucking tough. I guess keeping with the theme of dying here, what's the most embarrassing way to die within the confines of your average day? So a normal day in Colin Quinn's life, what's the worst way you could die? I almost died a very embarrassing death.

I was driving when I lived in L.A. I was driving in L.A. Maybe I was visiting one time. But anyway, I was driving and I had a big embarrassing death. I was driving when I lived in LA. I was driving in LA. Maybe I was visiting one time. But anyway, I was driving and I had a big gulp. One thing I love about living in LA, I get a big gulp, I used to have a truck, a nice big gulp, and then, you know, pretzels or whatever. So this day- Wait a minute.

You're driving like a pickup truck or whatever with a fucking big gulp? Yes. Okay. I did not picture that, but all right. So I'm driving, but this day I made a fatal error. Nearly fatal. I bought a box of Triscuits.

So I finished my big golf. I didn't realize I was done with it. So I kept eating Triscuits. I know. And I started to choke to death on the Triscuits. And I was like, ah, Ah! Ah! And I was driving and I was thinking in my head, oh no! I'm going to die

of choking on a Triscuit. That would be a pretty bad way to die. Oh yeah. Out of all the snacks too, like if you told me you died choking on pretzels or potato chips, but if you died choking on a Triscuit, you're a pussy. They look in and I've got like a Miley Cyrus tape.

I had a buddy who got in a car accident one morning while he was putting jam on his bagel, and the cops gave him a DUI test, and he didn't tell them. He wanted them to think he was drunk. He's like, it's better. I'd rather have them think I'm drunk than I was. Spreading my jelly on a bagel. Jam on an everything bagel.

Like an old queen. Here's a question from one of our all-time favorites here. Are you smarter than Christopher Columbus? Today, with your knowledge in the modern world are you smarter than any of the greatest like renaissance minds from you know the 1300s um absolutely not no i'm with you yeah you might have more knowledge of things that exist but nobody's smarter than these people yeah but you also think about like you know there are certain things that they believe to be true which which just were not that you do.

Yeah, you know, you even just you knowing certain things would make you technically smarter than them. No. Well, but what we're going to find out someday, some idiot 200 years from now will be smarter than us. Yeah, I think about that. What do you what do you think today is the you know, there was a time where the whole world believed that the sun revolved around us. Right. What do you think that we're going to learn 200 years from now? It's like, can you believe those idiots in the year 2020 believed? Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, I mean, like, well, probably alien life.

Yeah. You believe in it? Yeah. I want to live with that. You think they've been here at all? What's that? You think aliens have been here at all? Well, they keep trying to say they have been now, right? Yeah, that latest report was pretty fucking crazy.

I know. And it's like, it's just strange. If they haven't been, they went to a lot of trouble to put something like that down. For what reason? Yeah, yeah. It seems like going out of your way for a little bit. A couple more here.

How famous do you think someone needs to be for their death to be considered an assassination? Well, I think, I mean, there's not that many assassinations in history but how famous like what yeah well that's what i mean like if you get shot tomorrow are they going to say colin was assassinated if you get shot on stage would it be assassinated right kind of think it would be you're right an assassination has to take it it has to take in a – you have to be on a platform. Okay, but then what if like, I don't know, some Joe Schmoe who was up on stage that night, he gets shot.

He's not getting assassinated, is he? No, that's true. But I mean, that's a good question. What's the physical layout? We all know assassination is political people, but it's also a physical layout. So it has to be somebody looking up, like even JFK, the grassy knoll. If it had just been Lee Harvey Oswald,

it wouldn't have been an assassination. It's down. Would you, if I gave you a billion dollars right now, but you're never allowed to leave the state of Ohio, would you take it? Yes. Yeah?

Yes. These guys fight me on it. It actually used to be something like a trillion dollars, and we had to scale it down. They all say they wouldn't take it. I would take a billion dollars, and you could put me in a single house for the rest of my life. Dude, what am I going to do with a billion dollars in Cleveland? I don't know. Whatever you want.

Columbus, Cincinnati, some Cleveland's cool. I said with that kind of money, you can bring whatever you need to you. Look at Chappelle. He hasn't left a billion dollars. He hasn't left Ohio. He's got everybody flying in to visit him.

Yeah, right. You got that money. You can bring it home. It doesn't matter where you are. So you never go to the beach again? No. You don't strike me as a beach guy, Colin. One of those wave things now, those wave machines. Are you a beach, pool, or lake guy?

Beach. Yeah. Wait, beach? I thought you said pool. I was so sure you weren't going to say beach there. I can't see you on the beach. You know, everybody said, he's what drives me crazy in life, but it's the way it is.

People always say that about me. You know, you don't like the beach. I go, I love the beach. All right. I mean, you can't judge a book, man. One more here for you. You know, you're familiar with the movie The Purge, where crime is legal for 24 hours.

If The Purge happened, would you participate? And what crime would you commit first? I would probably, you know, it used to be along the list. I've matured. But I'd probably commit murder. I love that's the matured answer. I'd go fucking kill them. More people.

It used to be a purge within a purge. Now it would be a them. More people. There used to be a purge within a purge. Now there's a couple of select people that I'd probably, I mean, either kill or badly wound. Like, all right, give me, who's the number one target? I really can't. Give me a hint. What does this name rhyme with? All right, man. Well, listen, thanks so much for the time.

We appreciate the interview and playing our game here. You really are a legend, man. And thank you so much for coming on. It's a big moment for us. So appreciate it. You come on my new podcast. It is out September 22nd, right? Overstated, Coast to Coast Road to the 50 States.

Thanks, man. You guys are great. Go get it. Thank you, Con. Have a go, man. Anytime you want to come back on, open invite. I'm sure Con can't wait. See ya. And all of these emotions are pouring out of me. I bring them to the life of you. It's only right.

This is the soundtrack to my life. The soundtrack to my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. To my life. Yeah. To my life. Uh-huh. To my life. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.