KFC Radio - Crazy Plane Lady (aka Tiffany Gomas) Speaks Out Ft. Cipha Sounds

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:15 We have less time than we think 05:25 KFC's first play date at his new house 12:02 KFC's outdoor movie theatre 15:01 Johnny Boy's Birthday 17:51 The Cross 21:37 life expectancy 23:47 Feits could have a high school aged kid by now 28:19 Calling Mr. Feitelberg 39:37 People are saying the N word a lot less 41:21 Obama fantasizes about men 47:31 Feits embarrassed himself infront of Shane Gillis 50:36 Crazy Plane Lady Finally Speaks Out 51:22 https://www.tiffanygomas.com/ 56:11 Girl who found THIS under her bed 01:11:32 Hot Dog Guy 01:12:38 Door Dash guy 01:16:41 Reggie Ray 01:21:13 Video Voicemails 01:42:35 Cipha Sounds Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Pirate Water: Go to https://drinkpiratewater.com to find Pirate Water in a location near you or order on gopuff ++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Just yesterday, this last episode, we were talking about how we think it's not good to find that sexual dynamite, right? It's like a high that you shouldn't touch. She found it. It's with her dad's d***. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Week 2 of the

new, the new old Barstool. I feel like we bit off more than we could chew. Gotta do radio every day. Now I gotta do podcasts and interviews and radio, and I'll tell you what. It was... Burdens what. It was –

Burdensome. Yeah, burdensome. It's one of those things where you – this job, we've talked about it ad nauseum about how it's not hard, but it's difficult in its own right. And there are some pros and there are some cons, just like every other job. But one of the things is it does feel like you have more time than the average 9 to 5. Yeah. And it's really not it's not it feels like it is but all of a sudden you like you you reach your you can do like three things

kind of two three things and then if you add like a fourth it's like your week is just whacked and you have no free time and can't do like anything else it's because you i guess you just need you gotta you gotta do you gotta schedule like at least an hour for everything and everything really goes into two hours and then you need a little bit of time in between those things in case people travel or whatever and then they need a couple hours and all of a sudden you can only do like two things a day i was crazy that's literally exactly what i was gonna go with like not like go i'm just out of curiosity what does a regular person in a regular job, when they wake up... Because this is always the main thing that I always said.

It's pretty much only one thing that I could say is better on the other side in Cube life. And it's that you show up to work, and you have to clock in for eight hours at least to get your 40-hour work week. But you only have to do an hour of an hour of real work, you know? But what's, like, I... So you just dick around. I'm not doing a, well, I'm just genuine curiosity. You just dick around, dude.

But, like, how many things does a regular person have on their, like, when they wake up and look at their calendar in the morning, which I do, I don't know if everyone does that, but I just see what I have to do that day. How many things do I stay up to? Well, remember that chick who went viral, and she was like, here's my schedule, and it was like every little brick on her schedule was filled yes but it was like 15 minute coffee break like 15 minute like talk to my friends on the phone 15 minute like

get my nails done and it was like these are things that would be more exciting for me totally like then just like not taking the oh man you should see in the parenting world dude people have calendars down to like let kids play outside for 10 minutes. Like shit that it's just like you don't need to write that down in a fucking calendar. I would bet – I mean when I – my only experience, I had a very specific job. It was fucking taken. I have a very specific set of skills. So it's just like I have 15 to 20 portfolios that i would work on each month and

they would be kind of like staggered throughout the month so you would you know every day every two to three days you would have a new portfolio to work on but you just kind of kept doing it over and over again so it was it was uh groundhog day but that was entry-level shit i'd imagine once you get to be like a manager you have like a meeting a day two meetings a day uh you know a conference call and then you probably do some you know computer work but it's like a manager, you have like a meeting a day, two meetings a day, you know, a conference call. And then you probably do some, you know, computer work. But it's like a lot of that shit is if you just sit down and bang it out, the rest of the time you're like it's either busy work or FaceTime or you're just like fucking read Barstool Sports and sticking around and shit. But for this, it's like I'll start a week being like, oh, this is going to be great. Summer week, it's going to be easy.

I know we got that one interview, but I'll just do the podcast twice and we're good to go. And I'm like, oh, wait, fuck, we added that third day. Okay, so we're going to do the podcast three times. Oh, and then there was that other interview. And then, oh, I did this GM thing. And then, oh, I got to get this One Minute Man video done In this hour This one free hour that I had And all of a sudden you're like It's 6 o'clock

Fuck And the difference being that I said like And you can't just like I mean you can mail it in But then Your product sucks And everyone

It's very hard to mail it in When like the whole world's gonna watch Your mail in You know what I mean We just sat here like This shit sucks People would be like these guys are losers and that's great well we're doing it with passion but it uh like when you

don't care that that's the difference at least i do i mean there are plenty of people here as we're learning that like don't actually care when you're working a job you don't care about it's like i don't care yeah you know like a boss will be like this is this is bad work and like you're not you're not going to go anywhere in this company and it's like i don't care and they're just like what do you mean you know like what it's like yeah no i don't care if you like me i don't care if you give me a promotion i don't want to, no, I don't care if you like me. I don't care if you give me a promotion. I don't want to be here. So I don't care. And they're just like, oh, I don't know what to do now. I don't know how to fight this.

So, yeah, it's hard to fight back. But for this shit, it's like I want to do it all and just can't do it all. But anyway, this is all to say that adding an hour or two of radio every single day is like, well, four days a week. Might have been a little overzealous. In like a week when they're like, we still have plenty to talk about with the new bar stool And all this shit Once all that settles down You might be like

So this is just a daily podcast I already did one of those But we shall see I had A watershed moment As a father this weekend First Play date At my house I had a watershed moment as a father this weekend. First play date at my house with the kids. With friends?

Yeah. With their friends? Yes. Is this what I was texting you about? Is this what I was texting you about? Yeah. On Friday night? What did we text about?

The movies. What? The movie. The movie. Never mind. Oh, no, no, no. That was just my kids. Yeah? The movie. The movie. Never mind. Oh, no, no, no, no. That was just my kids. Yeah.

Movie night. That was a different thing. I'll touch on that too because it was very funny, the reaction I got when I did that. This was just a kid from my son's baseball team and I'm like – the play date world is mom world. That's like a heavy mom thing. They plan – Well, dads are perfect. Well, that's – so that's like a heavy mom thing they plan all dads are perfect so well that's so that's so that's definitely part of it two things is like one we don't do any scheduling like i don't i don't know all the kids i mean i actually probably know my kids schedules more

than the average dad if you're a dad uh i i think who's like in you know if it's one family i feel like you're just like whatever you do the calendar do everything. I have to be in on everything because it's like I'm the one doing it alone. But I still – I don't know all their activities. I don't know the names of the families, the moms, the numbers. I'm not in those Facebook groups. I'm not in the group chats. I'm not in like half those things. So it's usually like more mom stuff.

And even when I was setting this up, like the kid on the team said to me like, can me and keegan hang out outside of baseball i was like yeah sure this is great i was like oh my god it's amazing so i talked to his dad and he's like i gotta i gotta talk to his mom you know like so um so it's usually like on the nanny's time or the mom's time but ew that was a big bug bro on our show right now he's been walking on this phone TV walking around you know it's a big fly when you say he's walking around so

it's since it's through me and the baseball team we're finally doing it and we said let's do a play date this weekend and like that the day of or maybe it's the Friday the day before, we text. And I was like, so what's the deal? Like what time do you want to do it?

You must have so many new numbers. What a naive. No, it's actually – well, this is the first time I've done it. So I really only have a couple. But yeah, it's more than – it's probably – I have like three new numbers. It's probably three more than you. I mean if I didn't have this shit, I would never get another new phone number in my life you know i guess i get it through work but socially like no i don't yeah like no how do you take rico how do i get in touch with you you don't you don't i didn't dm me but

right i probably won't look at that uh so he was like you want to go to your place or my place like what are we doing and i was like oh oh he came too well so that this is this is this is why i'm telling the story because these are all the things that i learned are part of the process now i don't know what it was like when i was a kid i feel like in the 90s people everyone had money everything was safe parents didn't care and everybody was drunk and we it was just like i don't know go play it was like you know, I got on my bike and I like found the kid's house somehow and I rode over there and we played.

I'm sure my parents were involved and I'm sure they were hanging out too, but it felt a lot more like we were just like, I don't know, we just played basketball at the fucking school park or whatever, I don't know. This felt like, you know, it's like truly scheduling this little event and he was like, do you want to do your place or mine?

And I was kind of like, oh, I didn't even think the single dad was like allowed to do that. I was like, you can. It's kind of crazy. I mean, I joke around a lot. It's like if you're a single guy who's like coaching or teaching that you're a pervert, it's silly, but it also kind of – Well, the rule is if you don't have the kid. If you have a kid involved, I think – I help coach on the team. I don't teach, but I've chaperoned on a field trip before, but my kid is there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the most part, though, I could see people looking at me being like The barstool sports dude Like who's you know The mom's not there I don't think so I remember every single time I hung out with my friends With single dads You guys just drank liquor and fucking smoked cigs

I'd come home and my parents would be like Don't say any of that ever again What did you do all day Play you're gonna play video games with tom's dad all day i was gonna say it was truly a don't tell your mom you know it was like we we played video games we let them like say whatever they want the whole time it was just like butt cheeks butt cheeks poop pee pee pee poop butt cheeks um but he was like he had said he was like actually can we do it at your place because like i got family at my spot i was like oh okay i was like i did not even think for one second

that this was like legally allowed so then i was like fuck i i bought like the best snacks imaginable i went out to dicks and i made sure we had like everything you could possibly play with i was like this has got to be the kid's a little bit older too. So like he's the older kid. He's the cooler kid. So I was like, we got to fucking put on. We got to put on for this kid. So I bought everything.

I was like – I was like genuinely nervous. I was like, this has got to go well. This has got to go well. And then his dad was like, do you want me to go or stay? That's a question you know you can't you can't ask that question to somebody he's like for sure like i will say probably 99 of the people i know i'd be like you can go but he was the baseball coach of the team and like we got along really well so i was like you can stay or go it's up to you um and he was like i'll stay for a little

bit and then i'll go he ended up just hanging out i mean at one point we were all playing video games this is kind of cool we're just like playing smash bros with him it's like is this is this what's supposed to happen i don't even know how this shit works but uh but i also at the end of it i was like i was like i feel like i went on like a first date you know i mean when you're done you're like uh there's no pressure like you finally finished i was was like, whoo. I was like, you guys do this multiple times a week? No wonder. Let me just leave this to the moms.

You guys do this shit. It's hard. But I could not. I did not think anybody would be like, yeah, you can go to his house. Just because of reality, but also because of barstool reputation. If anybody knows that. It's definitely different. People think that we you know idiot frat boys and shit like so i could see people being like fuck he's not allowed to hang out um so yeah that was that was the play date with the other kid the the thing you're talking

about was movie night with uh just my kids the following night we did uh i did an outdoor projector screen, which people – I posted it on Instagram, and people were like, this is so great, man. I'm so happy that you finally made it and can do this. It's like $200 worth of equipment. Yeah. It's an $89 inflatable screen and like a $100 projector that you can just plug your computer into and just project it onto the fucking screen that's like literally poor people can do this homeless people on new york have probably panhandled enough to have an outdoor movie theater at their house now that would be sick i mean you'd probably you're gonna be a homeless guy make some money yeah you'll project a movie if i see i'll stop a split second of a movie you got cash for sure

that's in your future if if i was walking by and a guy stopped me and was just like, hey, real quick, you want to hear the funniest joke? And he just played one clip from a stand-up that's really funny? Bam. There you go. Speaking of that. Here's some money. Speaking of that, I got sent a clip the other day.

So this reminds me of you. Oh, no. That is a dangerous game to play. And I watched it, and I was like, I completely get what this guy is saying. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Wait. Yeah.

Something you think we should know about you is what's something interesting about you. I'm not retarded, but I like rocks. I saw this. This is from Kill Tony I like how they feel Dude Bro Dude. Have you always done that? Yeah. I just like the way they feel. They make me go to sleep and shit. Bro.

It is one of those things. Like, I don't. I can't quite. It's not like, you know, John literally likes rocks. But it's like, yeah, but you do that. But, like, if I had a hell of a rock. Look how smooth this one is. I actually like a rougher rock, personally.

You like a rough rock? In that image in my head, I'm playing with a rougher rock personally You like a rough rock? In that image in my head I'm playing with a rougher rock That's crazy No it's not Polished rocks that are like smooth Nice as well for sure You want a rough rock in your pocket? No in fact I thought of that during the clip

But like I would like to feel more of a rougher rock That's a little crazy. That's like a psychological window to your soul. You're a fucking weirdo, man. More texture. Yeah. I like the texture of a rougher rock, I think. No.

No, thank you. I'm not retarded, but I like rocks. I like that he got out ahead of it. I know this conversation always goes to one spot is this guy retarded is that guy who likes the rocks is he retarded so we got cypher sounds in studio um we'll talk a little bit a little bit about hip-hop chapelle and comedy he's been on tour with dave for a long time now um one of the one a good a good guy for us to talk to who has two you know two careers like he kind of like does multiple

things it's like so many people just dive into one thing and in barstool we're doing a bunch of shit he's like had a full-ass career still does as like a new york city dj and now has broken into the comedy game so uh cypher sounds on the show we'll get into voicemails of course um but today But today is Johnny Boy's birthday. Happy birthday. Woo. It is your birthday. It is my birthday. 34? Five.

Five. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Now, 35 is so good. 35 is mid-30s. Yeah. It's when you are 37 that you're officially, like, late 30s. And you just start looking towards 40.

That's when you want to kill yourself. Wait, am I 38 or 37? I think you're 38. 38. I'm 38. I thought I was four years older than you. I guess I'm three years older than you. Yeah.

Yeah, 38 is, like, for sure kill-yourself territory. Well, dude, I had – A lot of people have been dying young recently, I feel like. I've just been seeing rappers who died young. Magoo died the other day, Timbaland and Magoo. Oh! Yeah, he died at 50. And I just feel like I'm going to die.

Yeah. The worst part about having kids is you can't wish you would die anymore i i yeah i get that that sucks i get that i want because there used to just be like uh there was a genuine like i'm joking most of the time but there was a genuine feel at some point of like but if it if it happens i don't know it's not that bad you know rio was saying now's like, that would be pretty bad for them. Rhea was saying that, I think she was quoting Trent, but she was like, I stopped caring or fearing whatever Trent said of all the people who experience your death, you experience it the least.

Right. And I was like, that's why I care. If I experienced it wholly, I'd be out. I wouldn't fucking be here at all. Oh, you would just take the burden. Yeah. I'd much prefer. The only reason you're alive is for your family.

Yeah. I would. I'd rather. I'm like, if. Shit is hard, bro. Life shit is hard. I want to quit. That woman who came out and would like carry the

cross for Jesus I'd be like get out of here I got it literally I crossed the bear I just want to deal with this alone you can all get the fuck out of here that would actually make me feel better I will climb a cell by myself with this goddamn cross by the way speaking of the cross you know I learned recently they speaking of of the cross, you know what I learned recently?

Speaking of, like, the cross? Yeah. Capital C, the one? Yeah. Okay. The, you know, St. Paul, right? St. Peter, St. Peter, St. Peter. Yeah, he built the church.

On the church. Do you know, in the Vatican, the altar is literally on top of his grave? I think I did know that, yeah. But did you also know he's just a fisherman named Simon? He's not. Oh, like he chose his name's Peter? I think we just chose that. I think he's just a guy named Simon. No, that's like the Pope, right?

When you become Pope, you change your name. But I don't think he did that. I thought he was. I thought he was the first Pope. I thought that was the thing. He made the church. No, he wasn't the first Pope, but he did make the church. Yeah, I don't think popes existed.

He was just killed. He also was crucified to death, which I didn't know. How did that happen? He was crucified upside down because he didn't deserve to die the way Jesus did. What did he do, though?

That's a pretty big fall from grace. I think he liked Jesus. I'm all discombobulated now. He made the Catholic Church but got crucified for liking Jesus? I don't know if he made the Catholic Church. St. Peter made the... St. He made the Catholic Church, but got crucified for liking Jesus? I don't know if he made the Catholic Church. St. Peter made the... St. Peter made the Church. I guess you're right.

Yeah, I don't know. I didn't pay. History lessons with KFC Radio here. Why did... Why did... Wait, is it Simon or Peter? His government name. People called him Simon.

The figure to the left of St. Peter Emperor Nero who blamed the city's Christians For the terrible fire that had ravaged Rome Peter Well Peter requested to be Upset about it Yeah that's gangster That's fucking gangster I thought they said He didn't deserve to die the way Jesus did. I thought they said, like,

they don't deserve to die the same way Jesus did. He's gangster. That, so that, so it is, listen, I don't know if Peter was a good guy or a bad guy. I would probably say he's a bad guy because everyone who's, like, hardcore religious is a bad guy. But I'll say this.

We weren't weird about it, just so you know. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Imagine St. Peter came back and saw what happened. Like, yo, you guys left the spiral out of control. We were just some bros hanging. No, but that's the thing. I don't think they were. They were like, we are going to take all their money.

Yeah, yeah. Pretty big to them. But I will say this. Anybody who's on the other side of Emperor Nero, he's the good guy in the situation. Nero is a pretty bad dude. Yeah, Nero is. He blamed all the Christians because everyone knew it was his fault, and he knew they all hated Christians.

A tactic we still use to this day, I believe. We'll blame the people who are different. So he was upside down, but he was tied to it. Oh. You're getting out scot-free, really. That's like, you know. I feel like the nails are really the bad part of the crucifixion. I would agree that the bad part

of the crucifixion is the being nailed to the wood, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are other bad parts, but that would be my least favorite part. Well, I guess the thing is, you know how they say you actually die from asphyxiation? Yeah, yeah. So if you're tied up there. You might last longer. Yeah, you just like slowly, super, super slowly can't breathe. That definitely sucks.

However, if it was nailing gigantic square metal crosses into my arms and feet. Yeah, blunt ones. I will take the ropes for sure. Anyway, that's been, you know, that's history with KFC Radio. Here's the picture I'm looking at, by the way. That's him getting flipped upside down. Nice. So Simon Peter.

Simon Peter. Wait, Peter and Simon, isn't that the Garfunkel brothers? Yeah. That's weird. Anyway. Yeah, that guy likes rocks. i don't know how he got there i i uh my me my buddy like my best friend i have like the same not the same birthday but days apart and he was having a party this weekend he's you got to come up for it

and i said i can't make it i I'm going to Mississippi. I go fishing. It's like a work thing. And he's like, you know how it works? And I was like, yeah, like the date was thrown out. And I felt pretty weird just being like, I'm 35. I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, yeah, dude, I get that.

I totally get that. 35 is like nothing. He's a year older than me. He's like, 36 is a big one, though. I was like that. 35 is like nothing. He's a year older than me. It's like 36 is a big one though. I was like, what are you talking about? 36 is one of the most irrelevant numbers I can think of. 36 is way – like 35 is like a hard number. 35 is a round number.

Yeah, 35. You could be president. There's some weight to a five. 36 quite literally means nothing. And I said that and he said, actually, I'm now one year old and dying years. And I was like, what does that mean? And he said, the average life expectancy is 72. I'm now one in that second half.

And I was like, dude, neither of us are the healthiest people, but 72 is a life expectancy for people who grew up in a coal mine and ate McDonald's every day. Right, right, right. 72 is crazy well well it is yes i agree but like if i cashed out in the 70s i don't think that would be surprising no and when i start thinking about that i'm 40 4 out of 7 that means i am approaching my death yeah you know like you're you're like three and dying years right like i like i for sure am mid midlife you know what i mean like like when i used to joke around about like my midlife crisis

it was like i've really got like three more of these if you're going by like the expectancy of like 90 but like you know and then like 10 more years goes by and it's like so you're actually gonna die younger and now you're older i'm probably beyond midlife i i i don't numbers don't i don't care like the tommy kind of was like you're 35 and that was like my first time ever with a number i was like yeah i guess but i still it doesn't really affect me that much what does affect me is that i was in the shower the other day and i had the revelation that my dad's birthday is in January, so it doesn't completely translate how I'm about to say this. But I meant during the year he was when I started high school. Holy shit.

Imagine if you had a kid the whole time. Wait, no, no, no, no. I think he was 36 when I started high school. He had you when he was 18? No. But I started high school when I was 13. Oh, started high. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But still, so he had you like early 20s? Yeah. Wow, that's young. Holy shit. But that's two things. That's like you being a man, baby, and that's pretty young to have a kid. Yeah.

But holy shit. Imagine if you had an 18 15 year old right now Imagine I had A school age son right now What the fuck Hey I'm gonna call him real quick Yeah yeah yeah Bro that would be

Like You would have done All of like Your parenting almost You would Like You're still Parenting

He was done Right right He was done He was like I've done my job as a father. He was complete. And you just figured out air conditioning your apartment. I broke my – okay, real quick.

This weekend I had to go into a mattress firm and say, I'd like a new box spring, please. You broke your box spring. And they said, what happened? And it was Saturday afternoon afternoon quiet time just four people in batch from all employees all youngish kind of deal and i was like i broke my box spring and they were like oh yeah throw them down and what i did was i i went to put on my sock he's like plop down oh my god you know when you do the hop where you kind of like push up onto your toes? And so I like

pushed up onto my toes and jumped onto the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went. Bro, so I don't know how many people have ever just bought

a box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who buys just the box? Just the box. Just the box. And then, and then

today this morning because it was getting delivered, I had to clean out under my bed because I had sex toys and shit. Sex toys, not ones I use for sex, ones I've gotten through this fucking job that I just throw under my bed. Like ghost jerk off machines. Yeah, got for work. Yeah, I told you. Sure.

It wasn't forced upon me. But I was, like, moving the back screen. I was like, what? Oh, I had a box of pizza. I couldn't even tell you what year that was from. Oh, no. But I bet it still looked somewhat like pizza, right? Oh, I didn't open it.

Pizza, I feel like just, I mean, it looks like, I feel like day-old pizza looks the same as week-old pizza looks the same as month-old pizza. I would imagine so, but there was something in it, and I was like, this might be a mouse. So we're just going downstairs, throwing this away. I'm going to call my dad real quick. GameTime, the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool sports created by fans for fans game time is the ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to source last minute tickets to deals on sports concerts live comedy uh any sort of live entertainment period and they guarantee the

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What's happening? Not much. What's up? You're on the show right now. What's up, Mr. Feidelberg? Hey, what's going on? We are, I'm kind of just having the revelation that I'm almost the age you were when I started high school. Thanks for that sobering thought.

Well, I think it's worse for him. Could you imagine if your son had a 15-year-old boy right now? I could not imagine that. No, absolutely not. That's my wildest imagination. What was your day like when you were 35? I can tell you this. That was the debut of Guns N' Roses, Sweet Child of Mine.

I did drive home rocking out to that song. Hell yeah. When you were 35? Oh, yeah. Wait, no. That was when I was born, wasn't it? That was the day you were born, right? Yeah, no.

I'm saying when you're 35. You have four kids. I was just working my butt off. I mean, come on. Yeah, I can't even imagine at that point. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. You've got to remember, your mom was working a few jobs at that point.

So it was chaos. It was total chaos. But people always say I wouldn't trade it for the world, really. You can't go back to it. And at the time, it was survival. But it's good memories and a lot of good stuff. A lot of good music and a lot of good memories, too.

This is very nice. I was hoping you were going to make fun of me. I can't believe, I can't imagine having four, like, I'm doing two, and the amount of time and money and activities and shit, if I had to double that? You get better at it,

right? You think with the first child if you drive too fast home that the kid's head's gonna fall off by the fourth it's like throw that car seat in the back let's roll yeah yeah i can see that i can see that for sure and again you kind of get you get more immune to it um like i used to tell the kids my job was slaying dragons every day you go out and slay some dragons. That's a great idea. You guys have been slaying dragons for a long time now. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah.

So how old were you when you had John? Twenty-five? Twenty-five? Twenty-four, I thought. Yeah. They all blend together. Yeah, twenty. I mean, if I meet someone now who's like in their early 20s, I'm like, you are an actual child. I can't imagine having a child at that point.

That is so crazy. Yeah, but the crazy thing is at 25, you no longer look at yourself as a child. Yeah, that's true. You're moving on, right? You got weekends that there's certain times where you can pick your spot, but it's not really what it once was, I guess. I don't know. And again, as you turn 35, John, you know what I'm talking about. That's a different feeling every day, right?

But you still do the same thing you do every day. The same thing. That's like the same exact thing. I think that's the problem. Okay. I was just calling to remind you that you're getting old. Tell them you love them. I will.

I am the cooler. summer ever and the day that john was born that he broke so i don't know what that meant but that's what happened i am the cooler any anyone who's ever been at third base can attest to that all right have a great day all right love you dad talk to you dude slaying dragons is such a great line slaying dragons um bro that if you had what's what would be funnier you right now with a 15 year old as silly as that is i can that makes a lot more sense and i can envision that way more than i can envision you seven years ago having like a seven-year-old yeah yeah yeah because like a 15 year old fuck we have a 15 year old working for us right now uh it's not a joke it's not a joke we we that i guess that's out

there enough um do you see dave posted a picture of him this weekend no well so mike's horse won this weekend yeah so in the winner's circle harrison was there and he was holding up a sign and dave tweeted and said uh the kid holding the sign works for us so yes mike francesca's intern uh mike francesca's son harrison has been interning for us all summer um we spoke um mike had reached out and said you know my kid's looking for an internship and i thought it was i thought he was a senior in high school and like just turned 18 and usually we take college kids but i was like i you know i don't know can we bend the rules or do it off the books or whatever um for you know for a kid who's like graduating and then uh and then we found out that like i think he's like going into senior year not coming out of senior year and i

think on top of that he's maybe a little bit young for his age so i don't know so now all of a sudden we're like 16 year old working for us and i remember when we started the when the internship was starting i remember i wanted to be like i don't want it to be like a thing, so make him do real work. But then towards the end of the summer, we'll have him on or we'll talk about it. But then I was like, with the subject matter we talk about, I don't know if we can have a 16-year-old on the show. It might be a real problem. But hey, now that there's no pen, it doesn't matter. Whatever.

But like a 15, 16-year-old, you can can be like he's still a kid and you have to like father him for sure of course but you can be a little more like you know you want to watch the game you know yeah go out you go on a date with a girl like whatever what i'm doing with my kids now like six and seven is still very much like goofy daddy like silly kid let's do arts and crafts let's color let's you know i gotta put you to bed every night i gotta sing songs like all this like corny dad shit that you would you know if you were 27 back when you were 27 you were like ripping you know that shit is what what would be the craziest i've fed a baby for my first time this weekend What did you give it? Candy What?

Candy Sour ropes No, it was Weird Did you have any sort of feelings? Or were you just like, eh, this is weird Not like, no I don't think that's a thing for guys

I don't think The mom of the baby The baby's like six months old or something like that. It's just my friend's kid. And I've never even held my nephew. Is it the first baby you ever held? I'm sure I've held it. But I feel – I'm not like, no, I don't want to hold a baby. But I also feel weird.

It's like I'm taking your toy. I'm like, you do what you want. If you want me to hold it all. Well, depending on the situation, sometimes it's like you can fucking yeah yeah keep it for a few weeks but like it was her birthday too me and my friends all have the same birthday and uh so i went to brunch and then they gave me they were like yeah hold the baby i was all right sure and um i forget why i'm saying this you were feeding the baby? It was weird? Yeah. It was clearly a monumental event.

I feel like what your dad was just saying, I remember holding Shea for the first time, and I'm worried about every little thing, and by the time Keegan was getting out of being held, I would hold a one-armed football, hold his head, and I would just kind of... I think I was just holding him my head the dad that's what i was gonna say is uh the the feeling thing and all her friends were brunch and stuff like that and they're making fun of her because when she had the baby they were like do you love it and she goes i don't even know it yet the mom said that yeah see that i love that's that's what i

wanted to do with pod fathers all along was like be honest about it and i think that's a lot more for dads i do think a lot of women lie or embellish or say what they think they have to say um i do also do think there are women who have like this instant connection because they carry it and everything but especially for a dad and probably for some moms, in the beginning you're like, I don't know, this kid might suck. There's that viral tweet that people get mad about deadbeat dads, but does anyone ever think the kid might just have bad vibes? The kid might be like, I said it, maybe. In the very beginning, it's just something that takes up...

I want to hang out with you forever. In the very beginning, it's just something that takes up your time takes up your money gives you no sleep and you you're just running on like this this thing is you know it's mine and i made it and i and i like had this responsibility and all that shit but like again as a dad you don't like as a woman i think you're carrying something and you're you physically are like getting more and more used to it and bigger and and more everything is like growing and building towards the the birth date and then you have the baby and as a dad you're just like none of this is happening to me i'm just here to

like help and all that and then it's like you're getting secondhand smoke. I'm dying of cancer. I'm not even having the fun. But even that, I do think something hormonally changes in, in women. And like you do, you know, just everything goes right to your baby.

And as a guy, it's like, that doesn't happen. You're still doing work. You still have your, your life. You, and you have to like change it all,

but you don't have like the, the you don't have the physiological change going on. So you're just like, I don't know. This is kind of crazy. Everything I was doing totally changes. But then I think when they start to have some personality and give back a little bit is when it gets really cool. But in that very beginning, people are lying if they're telling you that it's just all magical and they love it. It's like there are the moments. They smile and they laugh and blah, blah, blah.

But then most of the time it's like, holy shit, this is so fucking hard. This is so fucking hard. And you want to do it again right now? What? We have another one? Fuck. That's what I cannot imagine for. And you guys are also like a couple years apart.

It's not like – 2-5-2. And you guys are also, like, a couple years apart. Like, it's not like... 2-5-2. 2-5-2 is like, you know... So, at one point, they had... 2-5-2 was nine. Everyone was under nine. Whatever, right? Like...

Like... Like, when you were... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm eight years older than my youngest sister. Yeah, eight years. So, like, you know, you have an eight... That's so weird. You guys are all fucking... So, it's eight, six, yeah, yeah. I think I'm eight years older than my youngest sister. Yeah, eight years. So, like, you know, you have an eight. That's so weird. You guys are all fucking.

So, it's eight, six, one, zero, whatever it is. It's like, that's a zoo of children. You come home to a zoo of animals. It's fucking nuts. But, dude, if you had a kid in high school, that'd be crazy. You'd be worried about college and shit right now. Oh, God. I'm too busy doing other things.

I had a very important realization this weekend. Oh, boy. I think people are saying the N-word a lot less. I heard a guy say the N-word on the street. Black guy. He's allowed to say it. And my head snapped. I was like, dude, you can't say that Like I

I think it's because I was thinking about it afterwards Cause it was I was walking home from the movies Nate and I went to see I actually kind of get some Barbie stuff now Cause Nate and I went to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles And I went into it thinking

This is gonna be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie Nate went into it thinking Not that He couldn't sit there for ten minutes We left ten minutes into the movie You left this is going to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Nate went into it thinking not that. He couldn't sit there for 10 minutes. We left 10 minutes into the movie. You left? He's scoffing.

He's throwing his hands up. He's like, this joke's like for kids. I was like, what the fuck did you think we were going to see? Well, that's crazy though because but Barbie was hyped up like that. I did not hear anyone tell me that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

was going to change the industry. So I wouldn't expect Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, and fucking Leonardo to change the world. He was like, do you want to leave? And I was like, I don't care. And then he did another scoff. And I was like, well, I'm not going to enjoy this now. I'm just going to say I'm not going to sit around. Let's get the fuck out of here.

You two, I swear to God, we need cameras on those two. We are like the odd couple, the old couple. You're like grumpy old men in your 30s and I can just see you walk in the streets Nate's like wow I was removed from care and you're just like I don't fucking care you're eating a banana

ripping a cig he's complaining wearing his airwalks and it's just like what is this to I'm sure people look at you guys like what's going on here are those two dating they fight like they're dating he would be the top he's got to be the bottom what's going on here oh by the way speaking of gay shit let me get back to you real quick i i uh i think i texted you this i went full kfc radio outside of kfc radio didn't go well what like like there are just certain you did text me but i i like intentionally

didn't ask so so i for the most part i get in front of the mic and i just like talk about what i talk about but when i'm on kc radio i'm a little more aware of like things that we say and do actually it's more when i'm not on kc radio i'm more aware i did a one minute man on obama's love letter to his girlfriend which is the love letter that's been out – like they've been talking about it forever, but there was this one – there was certain parts that were redacted while – I guess while he was in office. And he recently – a biographer I guess is writing a book on him. He did an interview with him, and in this like lengthy interview, apparently this – one of these redacted sections came out, and it was a letter he wrote when he was 21 years old to his girlfriend he was dating at the time and the the the the the full quote is i was like i don't know i i don't know i didn't like this is above this is over my head uh but then the ending

of it i i got, this was 1982, 40 year old letter. He was 21 at the time. He wrote in regard to homosexuality. I must say that I believe this is an attempt to remove oneself from the present, a refusal perhaps to perpetuate the endless farce of earthy life. I have no, like I,

I, I, we write, I've done creative writing. I've done English. I've done literature classes literature classes like i don't know what that means i can't even like begin to break that down good hawaiian stuff so then he says but then he says you see i make love to men daily but in the imagination and i was like who amongst? Who amongst us hasn't? And so one minute, man, I was like, bro, what's the big deal? Bro, you never giving kissy-kissies to Chris Hemsworth?

Oh, God. I went to fix her up a bunch. Did you really? And I said, if you ask me who the hottest people in Hollywood are, we're rattling off ten guys before we even get to one chick, and you're telling me you never thought about how those guys fucked? And I was like, so, A, you know, get over yourself. B, like get over yourself b like leave obama alone and like you know c we're all a little bit gay bro but no big deal and the comments were like what they were like does anyone else think this is weird dude i'm fucking so happy when i think about dudes fucking. I'm like, I think about dudes fucking, I go, and I'm like, yes.

That was the most wholesome gay bashing I've ever heard. Oh man, I think gay sex is gross. Yes. I'm telling you. Imagine I kiss that guy. Oh, I'd be nasty.

Yes. We're still good baby Bro 100% 100% The only reason I'm not gay Is because I think the sex is gross That's it man

Otherwise I would be gone I would never deal with a woman again If I could just stomach some dick Literally and figuratively I would be gay tomorrow, but I can't. I just can't do it. But, man, that was like – I commented back in my own comment section, and I was like, I feel like in Back to the Future when he plays Johnny B. Good all crazy

and the audience is looking at him, and he's like, I guess you guys aren't ready for that, but your kids are going to love it. I was like, that's how I feel right now. You guys aren't ready for this gay shit, but your kids are get it your son's gonna get pegged one day don't worry they were the the guys being like whoa this is this was like this was weird right like like like this comment if that was weird like say that like this yeah something like that it was very fun locked fucking losers fucking straight losers that that does kind of very much tie into what i was saying before though because i used to say the n-word in my head every day

i didn't it wasn't my choice but like through the music i listened to or the like tweets like the twitter like yeah I never see the N-word anymore. I disagree with you but only because I think that we listen and do different things. Yeah, my taste in music is – not really. I listen to some podcasts that say it all the time. I don't hear – the movies I watch, they don't say anymore. Not that I – not that movies were ever a main place where I got my internal N-word fix. But – I just got to hear it.

I can't say it anymore, but I want to hear it. Just echoing my head. No one can get mad at that. It's been a long 10 years. But like I definitely – maybe because I use social media less. Just scrolling Twitter, I'd say it in my head all the time because i'd have to just i'd have to read the words the words are on the paper i gotta read the words i say it out loud every time i read about loud yeah once i got rid of morning shows they really did and we're in stuff word stuff i feel like uh that's just dependent upon your that's your your your shit but it was

i i've seen it so little that like it really like i was walking home i just split from nate he'd gone on the train and i was walking home from teenage mutant turtles 15 minutes into the movie and some guys said it and i'm like my head snapped there's a – maybe – I don't know for sure or not, but maybe there's a direct negative correlation between retard and the n-word. Retard soaring. If I could buy stock in retard, through the roof. That is so back. Ari Shafir had a joke about that where he was talking about when people started saying you can't say certain words.

Then they came and took like gay and retard. Why did you bring them into the conversation? We weren't even talking about those. He's so good. But actually, speaking of the R word, I made a crucial mistake this weekend where I was even the littlest bit vulnerable. And by vulnerable, I meant sharing a personal preference with one Shane Gillis. Dude, I texted Shane. I was just scrolling Instagram. First of all, by the way uh i watched tires which i

had never i'd never seen yeah so funny goddamn fucking funny it's on youtube go watch it just go to the show i don't know how i was so late but like so stupid like it it just i i think we've like moved on from it hopefully but like the entertainment industry in hollywood like so fucking dumb that that show was available and you know shane just wasn't famous so nobody nobody bought it nobody nobody uh two years old maybe before i forget but it's just like it's on youtube it's just a pilot episode it's like i can't wait to watch it again it again. But I'm just scrolling Instagram, and I see this artist who, like, I don't, like, I'm not, like, a huge diehard fan or anything like that. I don't even follow him.

It was just a suggested post. It's Ryan Oaks. It's, like, kind of, like, pop punk rap kind of deal. And, like, I don't think I even have any of his songs. But, like, there's a lot of times I'll be listening to, like, an emo punk or pop punk playlist, and I'll go, this is pretty good. What is this? I take out my phone, and, like, it's a lot of times i'll be listening to like a emo punk or pop punk playlist and i'll go it's pretty good what is this i take out my phone like it's pretty often it's not it's it's been ryan oaks multiple times got it so i'm scrolling instagram and i see again i don't

even follow him it's just a suggested post a ryan oaks post and it's just liked by shane gillis so i screenshot it and i text shane i'm almost nervous to text you this because i feel like she liked ryan oaks is a bit but fuck yeah he was he replied that was an accident i've never seen that in my life and i was i was like i fucking knew it i take it back this dude stinks he goes no this shit sucks i was like i cannot believe i said that to you. I knew it was a trap because this shit is for fucking retorts, man. I was like, I knew it. I fucking knew that he wouldn't like this music. Why would I tell him that I like this music?

But also, in what world does Shane Gillis go around liking? Oh, Shane likes everything. I would not have thought that. That's so funny. That was an accident. This guy sucks. I mean, what did you have to gain from that? It was, dude, he's like, he's not a massive artist, so it was kind of like, I think he

has like 30,000 followers, so it was like, oh, dude, you fucking fuck Ryan Oaks, man. This shit fucks. I was like, no! I know what you're talking about. Why did I say that? Poor Ryan Oaks catching strays on himself. Dude, I fuck with Ryan Oaks. I like Ryan Oaks.

I just told my bully friend that. Bro, giving Shane Gillis any ammo of any sort, I don't want to tell him anything about anything. He'll know nothing about me. I was fucking dying. One thing before we get to um voicemails um crazy plane lady has finally spoken out uh it was like a month ago that she was on the plane she was the chick who said that man is not a real person then she went viral because she everybody thought she was hot and then she turned into this like conspiracy theory fodder where people I think on the right said that she was cloned.

Or people on the left said that the people on the right kidnapped her. She's a psyop. All this weird shit. She finally has come out. And she – her name is Tiffany Gomez. She has a website, TiffanyGomez.com. She says more to come. And she did this like –

How does she spell come? She did this two-minute apology video where she apologized for her meltdown on the plane but gave no insight into why she had it. And then the very end of the video is just text, and it says, like, go to TiffanyGomez.com. More to come. Let's put an end to bullying. So I think she's going to do something with that, like maybe speaking engagements or something.

She is so hot. She is so hot. And it's not just like, oh like she oh first of all i i would say the main takeaway on the internet is uh i i think a lot of men are discovering makeup for the first time nobody can understand the concept that she looks different when she was done up on camera to present herself to the world for the first time versus when she was like high on an airplane they're like that's not the same girl. It doesn't look the same.

I saw that. Was that us who started that? I saw that. The barstools were like, is this the same person? I was like, yeah. Well, a lot of people are saying it's not her because of everything I mentioned with the conspiracy theory behind it.

I have no idea. I mean, I can't guarantee. But when I saw that video, I was like, this isn't the same person. I mean, it does look different, but it's just like I've seen. Have you never seen girls? There's that girl on TikTok who has no teeth, who all of a sudden looks fucking hot by the time she's done with her makeup. She's like, you can do it.

It's insane. You can do amazing things with makeup. But anyway, but forget about even her video, like her regular Instagram. Like, this chick is sexy. You better watch it, crazy plane lady. We'll be crazy on a plane together real quick. I guess I can't knock the hustle, make a buck off it.

Everyone had their fun with you. You should benefit from it too, but what are you going to do? And what are you apologizing for? There's not – I would have just been like I had a bad day. I don't know. I took an edible. I was a little bit like anxious.

I had a panic attack. I don't know. I hallucinated like my bad. That video never – I never really understood it because like, yeah, it's out of the ordinary. But like it's not like what the fuck. Like I think it went viral because it's funny like it gets memeable that motherfucker is not real yeah but like as far as plane interactions go i think jack donaghy said only poor people fly sober and like yeah she took some pills high drunk scared anxious on drugs

medicated 30 000 feet in the air pressurized cabin like of course it's gonna go fucking crazy she she was apologizing for her language she was like i she started to cry she was like i just want my friends and family i'm so happy my friends and family were here for me on this one she also was like it was very invasive i was like nobody knew who you were well i i i said on the rundown when like her she for i think the video account weekend, but like she was revealed last week. And she had some comment that I forget what it was, but it was something like I didn't know something could happen. And she's a marketing executive, and I was like, well, now she should be fired. Well, no, that's why –

If you're like surprised by what the internet can do, then – Come on. Maybe you're not in the right line of work i i think that i don't know like i said she's gonna do like speeches or something where it's like i was bullied i guess i know that but like yeah can't knock the hustle man like go go do your thing whatever like good for you how amazing would it be it says tiffany you go to tiffany gomez.com it's just the video that she put up on social media. And it says, like, more to come soon.

If that chick drops an OnlyFans. Well, that's why I asked how she spelled come. Yeah. I mean, if that girl goes down that road, she'll make a million dollars in a day. Like, the amount of people. I would almost do that. Even people who aren't typically horny online. All of us would buy like regular

people would buy it but i mean like we're like quote doing that just being like like i think even like dan was like let's hear her out yeah yeah we're horny pft has a little bit of a horny streak in them yeah dan's usually not like like let's see what she has to say let her speak there were a lot of people who were like, yeah, it's a hot person. She would make – she would break bad babies. I think that woman could make like $100 million. I'm not even joking. Like that many – if she – maybe she does know her marketing and she just built it to a fever pitch.

If she dropped a link right now, she wouldn't even have to do anything like degrading. It would just be for the curiosity. She could just be like in bikinis right now. Motherfuckers would be buying that for $42, $49, whatever the fucking Plan B cost is, a month. No problems. $52, $49. No problems. That chick has a opportunity to make generational wealth.

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I don't know if anybody watched it. So these two guys, have you seen these British guys? They're like a British version of us. I think they're like a British and maybe gay version of us they do a lot of am I the assholes and they do a lot of like the topics we talk about but they do it in an accent and they're like

he's like all put together and proper like wears like a suit and shit these two guys oh I saw you said this in the group but not in the group I feel bad because I never – okay, Jordan North and William Hansen. So William Hansen – Will Bill Hansen do the podcast?

William Hansen etiquette is – Sexted My Boss is the show. That's what it's called, Sexted My Boss. And I think it's like am I the asshole type scenarios. Help, I just sext texted my boss by accident. What do I do? That sort of stuff. The podcast that helps you navigate the daily struggles of modern life. It's basically our show.

Maybe if we just packaged it like this, our sales team could sell us. Who knows? Maybe if we just changed the name to something like this. So – He has two radios? That's a great – that's a great question. So I guess we'll just play their clip. I'll just play their clip and then we'll talk.

Wait, John, you didn't watch this? No. Oh, no. I'm currently house-sitting for my parents whilst they're away on holiday for a week. On the first night, after a few glasses of wine, I got under the bed to plug my phone charger into the wall. There, I found a very pretty shoebox. Oh, no. Don't look in the shoebox on the... Why would you bloody look?

Why? Imagine my shock as I opened it to find my mother's very large and realistic battery-powered boyfriend. Hindsight is great, and I know now that I should have left her there, but my curiosity would unfortunately get the better of me. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no! No, no, no. She did not use a monster, though.

I know. Tell me. Yeah. Tell me. Well, please. Please. People are disgusting. She did not. Yeah. Oh. No! It gets worse!

How? How does it get worse? She's using her mum's dildo, for Christ's sake! No! What? What? What? The only markings for a faint name on the base embossed in the plastic.

It read, Clone or Willie. Oh, no. Turns out I've been getting the best orgasms of my life from a replica of my father's penis. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. That girl has to kill herself.

Just yesterday, this last episode, we were talking about how we think it's not good to find that sexual dynamite. It's like a high that you shouldn't touch. She found it. It's with her dad's dick. That is – I knew where that one was going. Did you not hear the first part of the story? I didn't hear the first part. Yeah, I figured.

Because you were like, that was the most shocked I've ever seen you. By the way, speaking of having seen you, so they tweeted that picture, video, KFC radio the other day of you asking us if we like to pee on things. Do you guys have any instinct to pee on a fire hydrant at all? I guess because the change was so gradual, I never noticed. You look so different. Yeah, your nose is great. Really? Yeah, like crazy different.

It really is true what they say, that it takes months and months and months to finally go down. Because you think, alright, it's been like two months. It's got to be what what it is now it's like nope it kept on changing i actually was literally thinking the other day i was like i feel like i look different but nobody's told me that i look different no you look shut up you get i was like it's weird to be like hey jack looking really different hey your face is better yeah it was like the old studio it was like i was like is that oh it's right nose job like like nice and then they'll be like you didn't you never needed you never

needed but i was like well do you hate the nose yeah i needed that thank you um but i mean yeah when yo yo these guys are dead on you find a shoebox under your mom's bed, you don't open it. You find a sex toy that you know belongs to your mom, you don't use it. And not because you think it's going to be a clone of your dad's dick. Because it's something that's been in your mom's pussy and or other holes. Only I've been in my mom's pussy. I got my whole head in my mom's pussy, okay? I had arms and legs up in that bitch.

But, I mean, for real, you find out that you are – the only thing I'll say is that if you're the type of woman who finds a sex toy in your mom's bed and blasts yourself with it, you're probably, like, open and free sexually and shit. And you're like, what does it matter? Like, that's the only smidge of saving grace. Because if you're a regular, just normal person, and somehow you find out that you've been getting fucked with a clone of your dad's dick, you felt like the veins of your dad's dick in your pussy,

you have to... You need a therapist immediately. Immediately. I don't understand the... I guess I've never used a dildo so i can't really speak to how different it is but like i mean it can't really be that different like dude if i looked under my bed and found like a human woman i'd be like i'm not using that like yeah like that's at least a different experience than just the masturbation.

Yeah, yeah. That – like there's – I mean I feel like it's not really the dick's different. It's the way the guy fucks you is different. I mean and then there can be like – but I would say like 90% of dicks, you can't tell the difference. You can't feel like the vape. Yeah. And I'm sure if it's a vast discrepancy in size, you can feel the difference.

And then everything else is just about like how you use it. But, but. Which I hear that a lot. You've heard that your whole life? I fucking pray to God that's not true. What? Dude, I know I to God that's not true. What? The way you... Dude, I know I'm not the user of anything, bro.

Well, that's a good... Wait. The motion of the ocean. You'd rather it be... This fucking thing's a Titanic. It's a dinghy on the Titanic, bro. It's one of the lifeboats that didn't work. You'd rather it be the size of the boat than the motion of the ocean?

I'd rather it be someone else. Well, I mean, get your clone, Willie, girls. Don't use Feidelberg's dick. I feel like the dick itself, it's just like it's too hard to use your dick, man. It's just everything else. You make the experience good with everything else and then the dick is just a novelty. Come on. Bro, when I pee, I consider it a good job if I didn't get too much on the toilet seat and the floor.

That's my – Only a little bit of the stream you got on there. That's how good I am at using my dick You think I'm like When the hole gets tighter I get better No Dude put it this way When

If you The way I just said that Makes it sound like I stick my dick in the toilet That would be so funny If you lay on it How do you guys pee? It's fucking Zac Efron In that movie right?

That awkward moment That awkward moment Oh classic If you think about like If you've ever seen like Wacky game shows Where they do like They make you do like

Weird physical challenges It's always like They'll like strap something To your waist Like you gotta like Maneuver with your hips To make You know to put like to pick the thing up and put it down and nobody can do it because it's super fucking hard to to use something that's stuck to the middle of your body and like thrust around with it and that's what our dicks are yeah i'm how can anybody

be expected to use your dick well i keep using analogies of large people it couldn't be further than the truth but i'm derrick Henry. I'm a fucking downhill runner. I'm not a fucking slot receiver making quick jukes and stuff like that. I got one fucking motion. That's it. One speed, one motion. I run one route.

I'm Randy Moss in like 98 and just boom. I just run straight. I just go straight to the end zone. I throw my hand up and I straight to the end zone. North-south. I throw my hand up, and I run to the end zone, and that's it. I am not running any hot routes. But there has to be some level of, like, when you really enjoy it. Although, have you ever accidentally done something, like a hip roll, and gone, whoa, what was that? Well, the only thing...

If I had that in my bag, I could see how that would be pleasurable. What do you mean an accidental? Like, I don't know, you kind of just like, your knee slips or your roll. Whoa! The only thing, if you've ever gone in like a circular motion,

done that for like two rounds, I'm like, I can't, I can't. Ridiculous. What am I, dancing right now ridiculous you go in a circle it's like anything i can't put an effort because then if it doesn't work i look like a loser that is so i'm just that's it if you if you try hard at something and fail you're a loser multiply it by a thousand with sex if i if i try the girls like what was that looking up at you like what did you just do that for i'm trying something new tonight yeah that's why you know in seinfeld it's like the

pinch and the thumb and the swirl it's nothing to do with your dick because you can't your dick can't swirl your dick can't pinch your dick can't thumb it's it's just a fucking maybe her dad's can well that's what i mean though is at eventually eventually, on some level, you might be like, oh, this one. One thing I think does matter is the curve. Curved dicks, I think, can matter. You know those guys who have the. I've seen them in action. They fucking.

Those have got to hit the right spot, bro. Those guys. That's a funny thing the it's always my dick I guess that makes sense in my head I've never like pictured like a different dick

it's just my dick when you're just like fantasizing about a girl getting fucked yeah I guess that makes sense yeah I think that's pretty standard

that'd be pretty weird if it wasn't. I think if you're fantasizing about other people fucking, that's pretty low self-esteem. You use your own penis? Fucking weirdo. I mean, I guess I've thought about a girl being fucked by a different person, but not like a specific person it's just like a an amorphous thing you know it's just like a it's like that that porn where the guys with

the black scuba suits and it's just like a floating dick i think that was so funny what a weird experiment the best what if the man wasn't in the porn the dick walked on itself and was like yeah run that the thought of like like it was a bunch of like male producers and executives being like yes this is it and there's like the girl in the scene was probably like this is so bad no one's gonna like this you know whatever bitch just open your legs to ride under armor shorts pants and the best it was just like it was just a scissor it It wasn't like special pants. No, it was like a... I'm watching the pants rip. The seam is continuing to tear. This hasn't been professionally done.

You need a hemstress in here. But anyway, my final point I'm trying to get to is, on some level, if it is a curved dick, if there is something specific about the tip, if it is a little bit bigger than you're used to, whatever. If you've had like the best orgasms from a dick that is your dad's, every time you have sex, you might be thinking, I wish this was my dad's dick. And not because you want to, but just because your body goes, it was better when it was that dick. And that dick belongs to your dad. And every time you have sex, you're like, that girl has got to go on a crusade. She's got to fuck, like, thousands of dudes to find a better dick so that she can put to bed.

I swear to God, if I was her, I would donate my life to fucking dicks until I found one better than that dildo. Sounds like quite a quixotic mission. More history here on Capsule Radio. Very, very educational. That is just a disaster, dude. A disaster. That's, you know, like you

fuck a glory hole and you turn around and it's your mom. Holy shit. What do you do? You hang out here too! How have I never bumped into you in this bar before this god damn I'm just curious because I feel like

you guys would know this but now that I'm thinking about it has there ever been like a porn where it's like they're wearing green screen suits

and it's just like floating decks well that's what this tried to do did they do the whole green screen effects the way, what does that mean? Don't get me wrong. You've come to the right person. We don't need to celebrate.

Yeah, that's – you know what? I bet you somebody afterwards when they saw the ripped scuba suits was like, we can do green screen, guys. Come on. Not that I've seen that maybe that's the next level is is you can like green screen a guy who's better looking make a sex tape with your girl i feel like that's not my type of guy you wear the green yeah yeah yeah you wear the green man costume down a little bit if we could wouldn't that be so funny you fuck a guy in a green in a

green man suit and you're like this is so awkward but trust me the edit's gonna be awesome it's gonna come out great well i was more just thinking of like floating like just floating decks like just completely just so no no guy no guy just just a dick i don't know that would be something well that's just like those those sex machines yeah yeah build like a fucking locomotive. Yeah, man. I don't know. That is a –

I had a weird phase of those. Yeah, those were – Like he was young. That was like – Totally. It was almost like lesbian porn, sex machines. Then it was like, all right, it's not gay to watch guys have sex. Right.

But, yeah, there's definitely something about like this woman has a whole – Also, I feel like those became – Like you can like buy those now. Yeah. Like in the beginning, it was like some industrial strength dude made it in a garage. And you like fucked in your basement. Speaking of that, did you see that? Speaking of industrial strength fucking garages.

Kind of. Yeah. That fucking guy. This is like my favorite guy of all time. I tweeted it last night with just like a bunch of guitar emojis. I didn't see it. This is like I was watching this like, yes, yes. I just love doing extremely elaborate things for no fucking reason.

This is how I made 394 hot dogs and took the leftover hot dog water and froze it to make hot dog shaped ice sculptures, which I then mailed out to people in unrefrigerated containers What does this guy do for a living? Nothing? Like this stuff, obviously. But like, you know what, John, to bring it all back, when you ask, what do you do at work? Like this shit.

This guy's supposed to be making, like, fucking car bumpers. And instead he's like, let me make hot dog ice molds. Dude, doing the best. That's, like, the most dude stuff. How about the DoorDash guy? The guy who spent $3,000 on chilies. Oh, yeah. This guy printed out.

I tried to do it, by the way. I couldn't find – he said if you go to settings, you can click archive report because I wanted to see mine. It said he spent $25,000. $25,000, I think. No, because it was $3,000 at Chili's. He spent $25,000 period on DoorDash in one year. Yeah. And he was like – so his point was like how do people live on $40,000?

I was like, I don't know, man. We don't order $3,000 worth of chili. It's the drill tweet of someone who was going to tell me, I'm spending $3,000 a month on candles. Dude, that is

so true. I'm sure it's a lot. If you add up my Uber, not anymore, but like there was a time Uber and food delivery cut back drastically on both those like living in the burbs. But like, I mean, it was probably, you know, alcohol, Uber, food was like 90% of my money. I was going to say, you add in rent. Yes, that was just all of my money. Yeah, then there's like a little bit for like clothes,

and that's it. Everyone kind of has their favorite thing on that list. Yeah. One that I don't think is getting the shine it deserves, Dollar General. $85 at Dollar General. He door dashed the dollar store. That's crazy. That's like yeah can i can you just deliver

me a bunch of junk yeah i'm gonna pay for some garbage can you send that to my house please not only do i not know how you spend 85 dollars a dollar general but like just go to dollar general well it's not about the it's just about the going dude i don't want to go i'm gonna i'm excited i replied to you so I think I can find it. That is a curious one, though. I mean, what do you think is the weirdest place you've had – what's the weirdest thing you've had delivered? Have you ever had plan B delivered? Yeah.

I hope the camera caught that. He just looked up and raised an eyebrow and went, yeah. Went right back. That was maybe the funniest thing you've ever done. You looked and he's like, yeah. Because I've seen that shit. It's like $89.99 at DoorDash. That's cheaper now.

I can tell you the price this weekend. I think their fucking patent went public. I can tell you the price this weekend. Nah, they... I think their fucking patent went public, so... You know, capitalism, baby. I think we're down in the 50s now, dude. Yo, that's a product you could charge $500. I'm going to check. I'm pretty sure I've bought it recently for like $58.

I was going to say $ I'm pretty sure I've bought it recently for like $58. I was going to say $49 to be totally honest. If you really need it and you're not just doing it on some silly shit, you would pay $5,000. I'd pay $10,000. I'd pay anything that's less than the lifetime of a kid. I'd pay $1,295,000. Whatever, $1 less than a child's fucking life. Let me tell you, it's fucking expensive.

But that guy, the DoorDash guy and the hot dog ice guy, dudes rock. Fucking $52.49, bro. $52.49. And I'll tell you what. If this was the Price is Right, you would have fucking nailed it. The last time I got it, they were out of Plan B, so I got an orange one. And that one, I think I might have been right in the 40s. That one's a little cheaper.

I got the off-brand. The fact, there should just be something called Plan C. And the tagline should be when they're out of Plan B. That's when you know you're fucking hungover as shit, man. When you're like, I'm too tired to take care of the rest of my life. Right. This is something that could drastically ruin everything. I'll deal with that when it happens.

Now I got a headache. All right. One more thing before voicemails uh the the chair guy from the uh mississippi of the uh montgomery riverboat uh brawl uh turned himself in his name is reggie ray i mean that is like literally the name of a wrestler couldn't you see him like ah it's reggie ray's music he's coming out with the chair uh he got arrested and he's charged with disorderly conduct or reckless endangerment, something like that. Whatever the charges, whatever the penalties are, well worth getting your name and mugshot out there. I'm that fucking guy.

Yeah, you can't get that much over in some of the plastic chair. I don't think so. It was an old bitch. Maybe the damages are bad, but again, whatever. Even if you did a little time in the clink for it, that's fucking me. That's who I am. I didn't dive in as much on that video as I think I should have because it was so racially charged that I was like, I don't even think I can have the fun I really want to have with this

without it being like, go away, you're not a part of this, or looking like, you know, whatever. But I hope everyone has seen the one guy who who narrated it it's got like 18 000 retweets i mean he this guy deserves like a broadcasting award it is so funny the all the nick and all the nicknames that black twitter came up with uh 21 salmon for the guy swimming somebody called him childish brish Branzino. Black Aquaman. There's like a lot of really, really, really funny shit

that came out from that that is like the reason why social media, why it sucks so much but it's worth it for moments like that. And those used to be like once a week.

Now it's like once a year. But it was funny because, and I've heard this the guy did the narration and uh rory and ma we're talking about on their podcast i've heard a couple other people talk about it where everyone is like but the dude who cracked that girl with the chair like you went a little too far like yeah you're going to jail now bro that was a woman yeah yeah well i think he hit multiple people there was an old woman sitting on the ground, like, like she was like this, like slumped over and he just crunched her on the head. And the guy,

the guy narrating was like, turn that bitch into Humpty Dumpty. It was, it was so funny. So if you haven't seen that, that, that I don't think that got the love that like Barstool should have given it. Cause it was just weird the way it was.

It was so white and black literally, but that really is an all-timer, and the shit that came out of that was so fucking funny. So make sure you've seen that. Voicemails? Yeah. Today's voicemails are brought to you by Pirate Water. It's our longest-running segment here at Barstool Sports.

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It's 10% alcohol by volume. It's got four flavors. All of them are tropical, beachy flavor. You got margarita sex on the beach, uh, margarita sex on the beach, Bahama mama. And, uh, and the other one, Miami vice. All of those are the drinks you have when you're on spring break, you're on vacation, you're at the beach or a tropical setting, all that stuff. It's all good times, good memories. When you drink that plus it's%. Plus, it's 16 ounces. And the little Coupe de Gras is $2.

The other day I went to the store. I bought three cans. They rang me up. It was $6.10. Do you know how drunk you can get on three Pirate Waters for just a total of $6.10? And if you're living in a city like New York and these places where drinks are expensive, cocktails cost an arm and a leg, Pirate Water is the easiest and cheapest way to get drunk. So go to drinkpiratewater.com to find a location that sells it or you can get it delivered

right to your door or you can go on GoPuff and get a delivery today. That's drinkpiratewater.com. Send us all your pictures and memes, all your Pirate Water content. We'll repost it and also anybody who sends in the best voicemail of the week gets a free Pirate Water merch package. So call the voicemail line. Leave the best voicemail. Go to drinkpiratewater.com or order it on GoPuff. So recently I discovered a rather niche degrading situation, and it's as follows.

You're at work, manual labor, elbow grease, keeping the lights on. You know the vibes um you need a water break and you and your you and your co-worker you go to a water fountain it's a set of two one of the water fountains is a little taller than the other presumably for children um your co-worker gets the water fountain first naturally he's taking the taller one you step up to the shorter one i did this recently i felt like a bitch bro two dudes using a water fountain right next to each other at the same time that's a little gay as it is much less you're the bottom in that scenario come on bro i felt it was a it was a bitch ass water fountain

for a bitch ass boy that's how i felt and i don't know if it's okay that i feel this way like is that a natural reaction how do you guys feel and i guess my question is what's a rather like silly scenario that is doesn't matter at all but it's also like i'm not okay with the dynamic that's happening here totally why am i why does it low key feel like i'm getting bent over this is a great one from glenn because it's uh it's the same thing as peeing at the small urinal when the small urinal is open of course you do that fits in perfectly i don't I don't like it. If I'm... There's too much splash.

The stream has to fall that much further. It picks up like terminal velocity all the way down. See, I start at the top. You see, you're just pissing like into the top. I'm like in the toilet. Yes, you are, John. Yes, you are.

I'm like fucking in. More ways than one i'm in you literally you literally just an hour ago said i don't i don't put my dick in the toilet oh that's a different toilet yeah it's like a surfer you know you see like that dude's like an 80 foot wave by the way how do they measure the height of waves how how can they be like, this one was 95 feet and this one was 101? How can you tell the difference? How do they fucking do that? Dude, I don't know. That's the most made-up shit ever.

When I see those waves in Portugal, it's always off the coast of Portugal. That one giant fucking rock makes all those waves. They just say that was the biggest one ever at 101 feet. You can't fucking measure that you know i've seen guys on social media and dating apps get exposed by women using their iphone and mirror pictures yeah to measure their height yeah i think they figured out the wave i bet they got a system to figure out how big waves are um the uh but yeah that's how i pee i'm like the guy going down it just starts at the top of the urinal he goes right down but i don't actually care like i will but there but

there is just a little feeling that goes off inside of you like well i'm this well i look foolish yeah if i'm the silly one here if i'm the only person in the bathroom i'm not going to the small one yeah but if that's that would be crazy i'm like all right why not fuck it how i mean how about just using a water fountain in general like in 2020 yeah water fountains are i'll tell you this much i enjoy a good water fountain that i still have that kid in me when you when you have a good when it's a modern one i guess they're all modern now but back in the day it used to be like this is like porcelain and silver. And you're like, this shit is from like, it's fucking segregation. Like only certain people were allowed to use this back in the day. And then there was the like electronic ones.

Not electronic, but you know what I mean. Like it was like, oh, that's a new one. When you found a new one that had a powerful stream and was cold, it was like a gold mine. So I still have a little bit of that. The one at the Fall River Ice Rink. I forget what that ring's called now. Good or bad? Unbelievable. Yeah, so good. I mean, an that rink's called now. Good or bad? Unbelievable.

Yeah, so good. I mean, an ice rink's got to be cold too, right? When it's like a thick stream, a lot of water. Freezing. Freezing, cold, big arc. Other than the other ones that just spit it out. But the anxiety you get when there was a line behind you. Especially when motherfuckers would tap your shoulders. One, two, three.

I barely got a gulp in. Okay? Yeah. My body is still parched. Crazy. But it would be like, yeah, you know, gym teacher said come back in like 20 seconds. So we all got a drink. So everyone gets one second of water.

The amount of, I mean, I'll tell you this much. I almost, the pendulum swung too far. My kids don't leave the house without water bottles. Yeah. Every kid has that motherfucking thing on them. I don't either. Where they're just ready to drink. That's what I hate that about.

I mean, like, if we don't have it, like, sometimes my kids will be like, we're playing at the park. And they're like, I'm thirsty. I'm like, you'll get a drink when we go home. And then they're like, well, then I want to go home. Like, we're going to end the day? Like, we're going to not do the fun anymore because you're thirsty? Okay, you bitch-ass motherfuckers. That makes sense.

Yeah, I'm thirsty. I need the essence of life. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess maybe they're right. But I mean nowadays you don't even need the – water fountains are just a thing to fill up your bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have that little counter. I've talked about this before.

I don't believe it's true but one of my kids school says that they've saved like 80 800 000 gallons of water or something like suck a dick 800 000 bottles or some shit like get out of here um but what any other times do you feel inferior um it's it's like not inferior but when someone holds a door for me i I'm always like, no, you go. You go. Yeah. You bested me in this interaction. Have you recently had to give anybody a jar to open?

No. I would never do that. I would just be like, we're not having salsa today. I would never to a guy. I actually would probably pass it to a girl before I pass it to a guy. I don't know. I can still beat you up. I don't know.

Somehow you fucking open it up but I could knock you out right now. So whatever. But a guy, I would never do that. If this came to combat, I'm still here. Right. If shit really goes down, you have bested me here in this jar but if shit really goes down, you're leaving in a pool of blood. You just whisper that as you get the salsa back.

You don't want to see me in the dark alley. Don't get any ideas. Don't get it twisted. I'm still very violent and strong. I can't think of it, but there are certainly times – anything – this is a very specific thing and it doesn't really happen often. But like if there's a scenario where a guy – when there's a guy who knows about cars and I don't, I'm like, you are – sir, you are – Yeah, I have that. Yeah, it's any man stuff.

But like that's normal. That's not like – Yeah, it's not like a silly one i i mean like i it the answer it's because it's not the size is the difference like anything where like some with someone who's more knowledgeable than me yeah i feel like an asshole uh it's just like i yeah i'm using a little thing and you're and you're using a big thing and that makes me little thing no you fucking morons but that's just a look into toxic masculinity yeah could you imagine girls being like she's on a big thing. And that makes me little. It's like, no, you fucking morons. But that's just a look into toxic masculinity. Yeah.

Could you imagine girls being like, she's on a big toilet and I'm on a small toilet? They wouldn't give a fuck. Right? They wouldn't give a shit. We're like, but my urinal's lower to the ground. I'm gay. Next voicemail. Shout out to Glenn.

Okay. Hi, guys. Bear with me as I enter my first video submission to anything ever and i try to get my thoughts into words in less than a minute because i just rambled and had to redo this anyways um you guys were talking about putting your bare ass onto toilet seats the other day and it got me thinking about how i have like a tier of tolerance when it comes to putting my bare ass onto a public toilet seat. So like, um, fancy hotel lobbies. Um, I will put my bare ass on that. Um, if I'm at a nice restaurant with my friends, bare ass. However, there are those

nice restaurants like in Boston and like, I live in Connecticut and we have some here where it's a nice restaurant during the day, but then like at nighttime it will transition into like a like a bar scene where like a dj comes and stuff so like during the day i will put my bare ass cheek on it but once it gets to that certain time of when people are coming with the dj and shit like i will not put my bare ass on that. It needs, um, that little layer of toilet paper or something, which I like to call a toilet condom to separate my bare ass from seats. Um, and then when it comes to port-a-potties for me, I will never ever touch skin to that seat. Um, toilet condom also is not acceptable acceptable you have to do the little weird hover and pee

that way um so my question is is do you guys have like a tier of tolerance or like what kinds of toilets i love the differentiator here seems to be the dj yeah no there's a dj at your place i'm not putting my ass on your toilet i get that when you get to puke hours yeah yeah post 10 p.m someone might have puked on this bro i, I used to show up at Tin Lizzy. It'd be noon. There'd already be puke in the toilet. I was like, how is there already puke? Don't get me wrong.

I've puked prior to 10 p.m. before. But I'm just saying that's where it's going to happen. That's about puking hours. Yeah, and also just sloppy drunk, like peeing. Yeah. You know, people can't even pee sober. I mean, I definitely have a, a tear system, my thing is, I, I put, I don't put all, I don't put my bare

ass on every toilet, but every toilet, it's like a, it's like a rectangle parallelogram thing, you know what I mean, it's not that I'll put my ass on every toilet. It's that every toilet I'll use that way, I'll put my ass on. You feel me? I'm either just not going to take a shit in that toilet or I'll put my ass on it. So effectively, I put my ass on every toilet seat, but it's because if I show up and there's like,

if it's disgusting, I'm just like, I'm going to hold it. Yeah, okay, okay, yes. Okay, I was having a hard time following. If a toilet is worth, if a toilet is clean enough, then I'm putting my ass on it. If it's not clean enough, I'm not doing it at all. There's no way I will ever hover. I physically can't do it. I can't like just – my quads will burn out, bro.

As long as I just don't have an open wound. You just plop down on anything? By the way, did you know – If I have a fucking – if i can get gangrene or an infection that's how you catch stds everybody but like can you believe i guess well anything more like that can you believe that there there was a time way back when i don't know what 40 50 years ago whatever some dude was like no no babe i got chlamydia from that toilet he was the first guy to tell that story and she. A gaslighting king.

Oh, yeah. We salute you, sir. That's why girls are always talking about gaslighting, because of that guy. That's the domino effect. Did you know that? I had a buddy, not a buddy, a kid I knew through a friend who I met at school once. I think it was Plymouth State, who convinced his girlfriend that she gave him an STD when he got back from abroad.

And it turned out they just both cheated on each other. Oh, that's great. That is great. Both of them were like, oh, shit. He's like, you gave me gonorrhea. And she's like,

fuck, I gave you gonorrhea. And he's like, ah, I got you. I knew it. That's great. You get mad about it. You're like, you fucking cheated on me. I cheated on you too.

I had a fight with my roommate once in college about that where he got dumped by his girlfriend for cheating. And he was. He was mad. And he was like, she doesn't know that. I was like, but he was was like sorry and like being sad. He was like, ah, fuck. I caught – whatever. I caught.

But he's like, oh, I'm fucking – that's so stupid. I was like, well, you did it. She dumped you. And he's like, but she doesn't – But I kind of get it. It's like you got to – it's like in a court of law. You got to prove it. It's like OJ did it. No, in a court of law you gotta prove it it's like

oj did it no he didn't like you gotta prove it um i found out um we were talking about toilets whatever whatever why were we talking about toilets initially that last episode whatever it was that topic came up did you know those toilet condoms at least i know i've been using them backwards my whole life the open part goes to the back. I don't know if I've ever used one. I think it's just too much of a hassle. I don't know why, but I – but it – I've seen them, but I don't even –

You know how the toilet seats in public have the front missing? Yeah. I thought that the flaps line up with that and then go around the back like the horseshoe. You're actually supposed to put, you're supposed to cover the open spot of the toilet seat with the back of the toilet condom. Why? Because then the flap thing

goes down the front of the toilet and you don't get splashback. So imagine when you sit, when you're sitting down where your dick pisses there's a there's a piece of paper there now so it'll splash back so it actually is and then it flushes it pulls it down with the water so but i just figured it's a horseshoe on this like people were commenting they were like my main takeaway is that you don't know how to use the toilet condom

i can't whatever the topic was we were talking about yeah i remember talking and they were like you might the main thing is you don't know how to use it. I was like, you're goddamn right. I never do. But I would just figure if something's shaped like a U, and then you give me something that's shaped like a U, I would put it over it this way. Not that way. I would have never... So the back's just exposed?

Yep. That doesn't make a lot of sense. Yeah, I guess. I don't know why there just wouldn't be a full circle but i guess you can't like he's got to come out of somewhere but i guess it's better i guess your ass you shouldn't you're not really sitting all the way back right you kind of like lean forward a little bit the back of your butt cheeks are up against it all right last voicemail. Alright, what up dudes? Abby Barstow Radio is back.

Fucking love you guys. Just got back from dropping my buddy off at the airport in Boston. And it made me think. If you're on an airplane that's crashing. And your buddy's asleep next to you. Do you wake him up? Just for his last moments to be like, fuck'm gonna die and then you crash you just let him sleep and die peacefully that's and vice versa if you're the one that's asleep do you want to be woken up no no no i i certainly wouldn't want to be woken up i think i would wake

you sick pup kind of funny i actually think i'd want to be woken up it'd be a pretty wild experience i i would wake you up like i would appreciate that i think it's crazy the thing is there's like a like i feel like people are like i gotta call somebody or whatever you know like like yeah like like like people would feel like I didn't use my last moments great. But it doesn't matter. Either way, because you're both that. Yeah, who the fuck are you?

You used your last moments. I would – I don't know what I would do. I think I – I think – I think we talked about this recently. Maybe I talked about it with somebody. We're like – I think it was in regards to hijack. I think I would just i think i'd accept it i'm pretty accepting pretty quickly well when there's like this is your reality actually yeah okay just is what it is i feel like it's like death is almost like harder for the

other people around you it's like when you have cancer or whatever you're just like i don't know i can't do anything and it's the other people going like why did this happen yeah yeah it's eating itself from the inside. I don't know. It's fucking done. Real quick before we wrap up. If you were married and your plane crashed, if you were cast away, if you're Tom Hanks and you came back. I've never seen that movie.

I know the premise. If you came back and your girl, you were gone for a couple years and she she has moved on and is married again or engaged or whatever, what would you do? I mean, much like the plane crash, stuff. There's a book out. The woman who wrote Daisy Jones and the and six that same woman wrote a book this exact premise by the way i can't start watching daisy jones and six because i think my mom watched it on my prime is at their house too and so episode one when i start it it's like the credits and I just

I can't get it to go back I start hitting rewind and I can't hit it fast enough so episode 2 starts but then I exit that before that really gets it physically will not let you restart the episode I'm sure there's a way to do it

it's like I have a Roku TV I think an Apple TV I can work faster but everything's a way to do it. I have a Roku TV. I think an Apple TV. I can work faster. Everything's a little delayed. I exit episode two before that technically starts. So when I go to play on episode one again, it's still just the last few seconds, and I can't hit rewind.

Bro, I've tried like ten different times. My stomach hurts. Over this weekend. That that is wildly funny this is a great premise the man who just when you said i can't watch this like what what could possibly stop you you literally cannot start the i can't like it's like dude like i like get ready like i'm like, all right, ready? I start to rewind, and the next episode starts. I'm like, no, and I hit the back button, and then it takes me to the main page, and I hit episode one. I'm sure there's a way to do it. That is so fucking good. I just can't figure it out. That really cracks me up, man.

That is very fucking funny. It's basically the premise of Castaway. Same idea. He comes back. He survives a helicopter crash comes back she's engaged and the the new fiance is like you got to figure this out and like they go away on like a romantic getaway and she like needs to like feel her feelings out and he's like yeah i, I mean, this is still your husband. You didn't – thought he was gone, but he's not. Like, I get it.

So he's like, go and let me know. I would do that for sure if I was him. If I was the husband – That is a whole dice. If I was the actual husband, I'd be like, you got this. I think so. I really think I would. I almost think I would –

I think I would come back and not tell anybody first and scope things out and be like, all right, you're good. Okay, you're upset. You didn't move on well. I'll tell you I'm still alive. You're good. I'm dead still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

I don't want to rock the boat too much. You had some kids. You're happy whatever that's gonna fuck everybody's life up right and you know

yeah I'll just start a new life yeah I'm just like happy to still be here and whatever no big deal the if I was the

the fiance whatever I would definitely be gonna go figure this out I think I would just break up with her really I think I would just be like go back with him the book goes deeper it's like Really? I think I would just be like, go back with him.

The book goes deeper. It's like, her and the original guy used to be like world travelers and kind of like hiking, camping, adventurous type shit. And then the new guy,

she totally changed her life. She's like, I want to just like settle down, have a family. So it's almost like that life I don't do anymore. Yeah. So that's part of her choice.

But if it was just like, you know, that was the love of your life and the only, know if you if you date somebody who's got a dead spouse you kind of know you're always number two right it's just like but i'm number one now you know but if the number one came back i'd be like the other guy retired um the uh that that reminds you of that could you imagine that by the way you come back from the romantic getaway and it's like, yeah, bro, you're out. He blew my back out all week. We are back.

I was doing things I haven't done ever with you. See ya. The you saying the dead ex or whatever thing, I've mentioned this before, I know, because I think about it all the time of how sad it is. The book I read a few summers ago is called 21 Truths About Love. And it is like – it's a really cool book. It's all written just in a guy's to-do list. Like every page is just his to-do list. But his wife, her first husband died.

And it's not every day but a lot of days. I guess it's kind of days he's having bad days or whatever, the number one on his to-do list is remember you're not your wife's true love. Jesus. You're a masochistic, you know? No, no. Not remember. Accept. Accept the fact that you're not your wife's true love.

Something along those lines. That is kind of freeing, though. Like, if she was, like, yelling at me, like, whatever. I'm not even your real husband. I was in second place anyway. Yeah, this is the B team. Yeah, yeah. So he, yeah.

You know, I leave my towel on the floor. The first guy didn't. Fuck you. It's like when the first stringers come out of practice, coach isn't paying as close attention. These guys are in where we lost anyway, so who fucking cares?

Alright, let's get into our interview with Cypher Sounds. Alright, time to do it. This is an interview we've been waiting to do for a long time now. Schedule's finally matched up. We got Cypher Sounds in the building. Very famous in New York. Very famous in New York.

Tell the people. Very famous in New York. Very famous in New York. Tell them. Tell the people. Very famous in New York. It's true, though, man. You always say that, but it's so true. I mean, to me, I grew up on you and music, and then here, and then you got into comedy. It's like, to me, you're an A-list celebrity in New York. It's a joke that I do on stage. It was a joke, because I go out of town, and no one knew who I was in the comedy world. So I go, I'm very famous in New York. It's a joke that I do on stage. It was a joke because I go out of town and no one knew who I was in the comedy world.

So I go, I'm very famous in New York. The second half of that sentence is, to a small group of people. You know what I mean? If you're a 40-year-old hip-hop fan, you're going crazy. Literally, exactly. I'm a 40-year-old hip-hop fan. In my head, I can't just say, Cypher but don't get gas like in my head over and over and over again my whole life you're like a 22 year old barista you're like who the fuck

but i do feel like you are you are making your your like you're having a whole second career in comedy that i think there's probably a lot of people who know you as a comedian first not and not a dj oh finally it's starting to be that yeah finally it's like yes everything i do people just put dj in front of it i'm like i'm i'm at a stand-up club doing stand-up for an hour right why are you calling me a dj yeah but do you think that makes that change that affects like how they go into your set do you think it changes like for good or the bad i think that affects how they go into your set? Do you think it changes for good or the bad? No, I think it affects what it really affects is people coming to the show. Right, that's what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, once you see me, you're in. You're in. It's not like a DJ trying to do comedy. It's like he's a fucking funny comedian. I'm a comedian. Well, actually, that's a good question When you were growing up Were you like

How did you end up being a DJ first Did you try to be a comedian Did you want to be an actor You liked music and then dove into comedy And just happened to be that I always loved comedy Never had any idea of doing it But I was a DJ on the Chappelle show

And me and Chappelle, he said, first of all, before we start this show, just to let you know, I'm Mr. Name Dropper. Okay. I drop names.

Okay. Just to let you know, we love people who drop names on our show. So say all of them because we're going to put this shit on the internet tomorrow.

So I was the DJ on the Chappelle show and before we started taping, he would, started taping, Donnell Rollins would come out, warm up the crowd. And then even Dave would come out and warm up the crowd a little with stand-up. And I would do funny stuff with music. So you know the Little John sketch? That came from me and Dave fucking around. Because I would take the acapella and be like, what?

What? Yeah! And he was like, uh. And then they take the acapella and be like, what, what, what? Yeah. And he was like, ah, and then they wrote the sketch and got a little jump. So, so we, we do that.

And Dave used to be like, yo, you, you're funny, bro. And you, he's like, you got the timing,

which is the most important thing. Not the most important, maybe second. And he was like, you should do standup. And this is like, Oh two, Oh three. I'm like, stand up. stand-up. And this is like, 2002, 2003.

I'm like, stand-up? How old were you at that point? 25? That's not that old, though. I didn't listen. I should have started right then. So when did you start that? So I started producing a show in 2008.

I didn't get serious about doing stand-up until 2011 okay but still like still yeah over 10 years 10 years that he could have under your belt yeah but um yeah like this shit takes a long time to get good at so i wish i started when he said well you know it's funny i've always i've always thought there's like hip-hop and comedy are like one degree separated brothers like especially i mean rappers themselves like punchlines are jokes, you know? And then being a DJ with timing and the rap, like you really are very adjacent to...

The biggest thing with me is reading the room. Yeah. Reading the room as a DJ and reading the room as a stand-up is the same skill. Wow. Same skill. So yeah, you can tell what music to play, what jokes to play.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it it you know soccer moms is it degenerates like where do we same jokes but how do we get into it right

and that's cool what do we start with you know what I mean so like eventually DJing I'm gonna play

Busta Rhymes but do I start with it or is it way to the drunk the closer whatever yeah you know what i mean like you're not ready for that yet that makes i i thought about it like that that makes a lot of

things so like you go first and stand up or you go third it's two different clubs totally like the whole shit is different right so like i used i was good at reading that and i already had stage presence like i know how to get on stage grab grab the mic. So that gave me a little advantage of someone who's an open miker. They're like, I don't know how to. Yeah, so you might not have comedy experience, but I have experience in front of a crowd, entertaining people, that sort of shit. Yeah, and I was funny on the radio. Yes.

Not that I was trying to write jokes, but I was like, I'm funny naturally. Just naturally, yeah. You're busting balls. Yeah, I'm killing you guys right now, right? So funny. No, I mean, having – anybody who's blessed to have like one career in entertainment or whatever, when you have two and like people know you as two different things like that, and then this one you can do forever.

I mean, I guess you could do either of them forever, but certainly comedy. certainly comedy i mean that is if i could pick two things i would want to be involved in it'd be comedy and music yeah you got a long lock so yeah and then like yeah i'm i the days where i'm not debilitatingly depressed i feel very blessed well that's but that's why you can be a comedian because you have the days where you feel debilitated and depressed. I did a show in Baltimore. No happy motherfuckers are doing stand-up. Come on. None of you are happy.

Not a lot. I'm not bad. I hang with some dudes that are fucked up. Yeah. But I was in Baltimore a couple weeks ago, and the first show Friday was 12 people. And throughout the whole set, I was like, I'm going to hang myself with this mic. You're going to read about me tomorrow. And then the next show was great.

So I was like, all right, I'm going to. I'm not going to kill myself now. I'm going to make this a bow for a present I'm going to buy myself. How did you deal with that? Where you went from such big crowds to obviously sometimes small. I'm sure they were smaller 10 years ago. Are you still up there? We've had it before.

We've talked about it. Sometimes we'll – we had a show in Austin where the show sold out. It sold out pretty quick. And then I guess it was like the first nice day in Austin or whatever and no one came. I had that in Chicago. We thought we were rolling into – we had three shows that weekend and Austin was supposed to be our biggest and quickest sellout. And we walk out and it was like an empty auditorium room and I was like and then flip side in Houston it didn't sell well but like the hundred people that did show up were fucking

awesome I was like like both were a total mind fuck in the opposite direction yeah do you go out there and you're like like how do you how do you ramp yourself up to give it your all? If it's dead? Yeah. I told people. Because I just don't. I'm like, let's just get through this shit and bounce. Fuck it. It's like, I have to talk to myself and be like, you wanted to go on the road.

You say you're ready to headline, so go fucking headline. And like, don't, like, these 12 people might have a great time right i don't it's never the crowd it's never the crowd it's never where i give it my all i'm always worried about the club saying oh this guy doesn't sell yeah and they're not gonna bring me back right i don't it's not the crowd yeah those people are i actually feel like i'd rather have like 10 people where it's like this is almost now like a funny intimate

thing we're gonna do together than like a middle of the road right you sold like 75 tickets and it's just like ugh yeah these people we're about to have a fun time because i'm gonna talk about hanging myself for the microphone they're gonna laugh yeah but it's the people going oh this guy yeah so you know the 10 people actually like it becomes a whole different show right it's the people going, oh, this guy. Yeah. The 10 people actually, like, it becomes a whole different show. Right. It's like, I promise you, I'm going to know all your names by the end of this. Yeah, we're going to have Thanksgiving together this weekend. And I tell them, I've done that before.

I'd say, sometimes I tell them, like, yo, come back tomorrow. I know it's selling very well. I'll get you all in for free. So you can see the other side. I'm like that. Yeah. But I always think, like, I'm at an improv, and it's like it holds 400 people, and there's like 100.

And it's packed in the front, but I'm looking at the back, and I go, they're not going to bring me back. There's some fucking TikToker that sold out seven of these. In that fucking day. And I get in my head about that. Yeah, that shit's sick. But also because I roll with some big – you ready? Yeah.

I'm about to drop them. Let's go. I roll with some big comedians. So Mo Ammer, Michelle Wolfe, Michael Che, Dave Chappelle. I just did the Burt Kreischer. So like I do like big shows, right? I was with Burt Kreischer all arenas and minor league baseball stadiums. And then our off week, I go with Dave to Texas to the arenas.

Jesus Christ. And then I go to Baltimore with 12 people. But I just wanted to – But are you nervous when you do arenas though? Nah. Yeah. So I feel like I've asked this to a lot of comics where I'm like, when you're breaking in, you're still doing clubs but you get the opportunities

to do arenas yeah to me i would be bugging the fuck out but you guys seem to just go up there no i used to be what um what did it for me is uh covid so covid we just started you know within like within four months we're like everybody's we gotta get outside yeah and we just started, you know, within like within four months, we're like, everybody's we got to get outside. Yeah. And we just started doing these fucking wild shows. Backyards, coffee shops, rooftops. Right.

Back of pickup truck. Everything now. Now I don't, it doesn't matter. Like I did the weirdest, bro, I did a show for four people and we all, it was like six comics and we loved it. Yeah. Everybody was like. Why didn't you do a show for four people. And it was like six comics. And we loved it. Yeah. Everybody was like.

Why did you do the show for four? Huh? Where was it? In a bakery backyard in Brooklyn. This guy was like, I don't care. You can come back here. He's like, if I sell five pieces of cake, I won. That's more than I sold.

We don't even open the store. And it was great it was like we did the rooftop in the in like January like people bundled up

and I was like this is crazy so now it's like I don't even care but you figure out the arenas it's just like

the sound coming back it's just weird yeah that shit would fuck me up too though yeah but I watched the greats do it's just yeah that shit would fuck me up too though yeah but i watched the greats do it i think yeah you but you music and dj like you've seen it yeah been a part of it

i feel like walking out in an arena i'd be like i've only been in the seats i've never even been on the stage in any capacity right at least you have some sort of yeah like you know you can visualize it and all that shit yeah it's pretty it's i don't yeah you don't get the laughter like you're in a small club but it's still great do you do any uh like professional djing anymore not really yeah like like so you when you were at the peak of radio uh your peak of your music career you're doing radio and also like paid engagements like you're at the clubs and you're doing like right that's like the life of a dj are you doing like residency type shit like in clubs in vegas or just like you kind of go on tour how does that work that came a little

after me that's when they started doing that um but i i was also working at record companies too okay so i worked for pharrell i worked for j name drop off pharrell jz um i worked at at companies i i so i had I always had like three jobs. But yeah, DJing, I was popular at the time, so I would get a lot of gigs. I remember when I was in my mid-20s, starting to get into late 20s, where I didn't have to ask for gigs anymore. The phone was just ringing. And that was great, bro.

Bags bags like fucking i just have a lot of cash and then you just i mean just to go what's the most cash you ever had from a gig just like totally like a man's like you know you get like you did like yeah like your mattress like what'd you do with it oh no i can't what do you mean i still have it. Not right now. I'm not going to come kicking the door.

I'll tell you this. So when I was a kid, I was like, I just got to get enough money to buy a house so that I'm never homeless. Right? I don't care if I drive a truck. I won't be homeless. Right? So I'm like 24. I go to buy this house in Jersey. And the lady was like, it's, you know, down payment, closing, whatever.

She's like, you need like $22,807, whatever the number was. And I came to the closing with a shoebox. I came with a shoebox of cash. Because, you know, when you hear people go, I bought the house cash. Yeah, yeah. It's not really every cash. They just need to have a mortgage. You literally bought it cash.

No, I bought it cash. And the lady goes, oh. We can't do that. I remember it so clearly. She goes, oh, Mr. Diaz. And she walked me into the hallway. She goes, you need a cashier's check. And I was like, oh, I thought you.

Dude, I just realized that. My shock, you don't own a home. And I just learned. It's why the Clooney story about when he sold Casamigos and gave all his boys. You ever heard that story? No. He sold Casamigos and had like 19 of his friends i think 14

somewhere 14 where like he's cut when he used to couch surf and he's breaking into hollywood and all shit he stayed on people's couches and shit yeah and he

called a party for all of his friends to come over one night and in the lobby of his house or in the entryway of his house he had like 14 duffel bags there and everyone everyone

had a million dollars in it and his rule was if someone turned because a lot of them were famous actors not a lot but a good amount of them were rich on their own and he said if anyone doesn't take it then no one gets it so everyone has to take it yeah and then he some guys weren't famous they just i think yeah i think they were i'm sure there was some some or maybe like that or something yeah like leo dicaprio right there were some guys who could have been sure it was like Leo DiCaprio. There were some guys who could have been like, no, I appreciate the gesture, but it's all set.

That's my dream. How do you get $14 million cash? But that's why I was never that shocked. I think they all drove home. They all had armored cars to drive them home and stuff like that. And I was like, that seems like a lot because everyone who ever buys a house is driving around with that kind of money it never struck me like until bro I'm talking

like weeks ago like I've heard about people buying million dollar homes in cash like it's not I mean you'd have to go to like fucking you know Jamie Dimon himself at JP Morgan to get millions of dollars in cash.

Like, how do you fucking do it? When does this come out? Tomorrow. Oh, fuck. I'll tell you. So my accountant called me. She goes, what's up with this safe deposit box? You still using this?

And I go, maybe. Why? She goes, well, it's by my old apartment. I've moved. And she goes, well, you know, my old apartment i've moved and she goes well the you know you gotta the re-up for the year and i go oh maybe i should take it out of there and move it closer to where i live now and i was like fuck how do i because every time i put something in there was like maybe three grand five grand you grand, tax-free cash. But now it's all in there.

How do I get it out? Then you know someone working there is going to fucking... You got to walk out with duffel bags. They don't see you. But you got to walk out with it. I got to walk out in a backpack. Yeah. I got gotta have the

other one set up to bring it right you know because we gotta be smooth with this dude i remember when we first when we first why am i telling this to you you got animals watching how much money you think yeah yeah yeah yeah someone just follows Someone just follow Sypha now. Yeah, just follow him. It's probably like 50,000. That's a lot to have. No, I know. But it breaks down, baby. It's old.

It's old. The old Benji. The old for the small faces. Old Benji. Still spending money from 88, man. Bro, I thought like I didn't know. This is when I didn't know what I was doing. I'd get DJ gigs, a thousand bucks, and I would always take my rent out and then save the rest.

That was a pretty good saving. Yeah. But now it's just like old money. What was that movie where the guys were trying to buy the two southern guys? Hell or High Water? Oh, yeah, yeah. Just watch it. You know when they take the money and they go to the casino?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In exchange. Clean it out. I was like, you got to launder this money, bro. Should I drive to Atlantic City and play craps with old 20s and then 100s? It's so stupid. I remember when we first moved to New York and the company was always changing and stuff like that. And we started getting merch bonuses.

So your shirt you made did well. You got five grand or something like that. Here? Yeah. And I remember I got a t-shirt bonus one day and i was walking home with five thousand dollars cash in my pocket and i was like yeah and it was five grand you know it's a good amount of money but it's not like there's at that point there's there's ten thousand people in new york city with five thousand dollars in their pocket right now

yeah and but i was walking home like, everyone knows. I wasn't stopping at streetlights. I was like running down. I'm not slowing down here, dude. Chappelle has a joke where he says he used to do a lot of shows for drug dealers and they would pay cash. And one time the guy was like, you're so funny, gave him $20,000. And he put it

in his backpack and he had to get home. And he goes, oh, now I know how women feel that walk around he's like at least i'm gonna take mine off he's like walking around with all these valuables bro i mean he is you know everybody knows on another level so you've been i mean oh what was it hold on was uh hold on corporate corporate talk i got a show on a and e yes it's called hip-hop treasures yes it's on now a and e i don't know where my camera well so wait did that come about from your your instagram where you were going through your when i saw that you were doing that i was thinking to

myself when one of my favorite things like ever was that serious i think during that you were doing that, I was thinking to myself, one of my favorite things ever was that series, I think during COVID, or maybe whatever, you were going through your records. No, that was the house I bought. And you just started telling stories about hip hop. And I was like,

this is a series. Every record you had a tale, like a personal story. Personal story or like an unheard story. Yeah, yeah. That was the house I bought when I was 24. I didn't live in it for years, but I sectioned off the basement and almost kept it like a storage unit. So I would rent the upstairs and then the basement was...

So I sold that house. So I had to get all that vinyl out. And it was during COVID. So I was like, I'll go down to the basement and fuck around. Yeah. And people started loving that shit. Oh, it was so good, dude. But the problem was, bro, I just found records and I'll be like, oh it was so good but the problem was

bro I just found records and I'd be like oh this is the 12 inch version that never came out commercially and would play it

and people were telling me they really liked it the problem was I wanted to continue doing it but I was putting the records in storage

so like I was like fuck it's like the money dude how do I get it out i was like i just found something that works right but i'm literally putting packing these away because i'm moving and i want to get a new whatever yeah new shelves so i'm i just took them out of storage yesterday so i'm gonna start it up again bro i almost think starting with that i you know i started i watched

that and then instagram started feeding me other stories yeah and now like my my feed is exclusively rappers djs industry people just untold stories about rap right right it's just like i was in the studio with him and this happened and that happened i it's great unbelievable i'm so happy that turned into like a real because i mean and for you you're just like oh yeah that was the time that we were like on tour with Biggie and blah, blah, blah. And to you, that's just like a whatever. And everyone else is like, this is the best story ever. Yeah, I –

And that was one out of like 50,000 stories. Bro, I got so many. But if you ask me to tell you a story right now, I can't think of it. But if I have a spark – The record trick or something. Oh, that reminds me of when. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't even – dude, I just moved and just having i was throwing

out perfectly good shit by the end of it just to get it out having i mean how many records do you think you have bro thousands right yeah i can't even i'd be like i don't know set it on fire just burn it all down i can't move this shit but you have some fucking gems in there on release shit and remixes and all that sort of stuff which is so it's like now it's you know if it's not on like streaming you can't even listen to it you know there was a lot of um there's a lot of versions that were like remixes or bootlegs yes aren't even on you can't get it but then there was that era like in the blog era of music where you could download shit yeah where you could still get reference tracks and unreleased

and remixes now it's like if they don't put it on fucking Spotify you can't get it YouTube is the closest thing yeah the closest but even that gets pulled down now

and it's like a crappy version yeah I was actually you saying that I thought of the blog era too like there was a time in my life

where I was like the friend who knew cool music. And I'd tell people. Nothing better than putting someone onto a song. I mean, you. Yeah.

You're just that. That's your career. That's such an awesome job. Oh, that's the best. Do you still get that? No. No? Not at all.

That's crazy to think of someone like you. Bro, the radio stations follow TikTok now. Yeah. Yeah. I have a theory that's fucking nuts like i'd never i'm thinking about it right now like learning right now that like we were that is literally tastemakers yeah like you you could decide you know if the record was big or small or but also you would also know if it was big it was like put it on right now

rewind it 20 times in a row is there anyone who's still doing that like like almost like like deciding culture so to speak i think it's like labels and they listen to tiktok i think it's tiktok but even like tiktok like the halsey thing that very halsey like the label wouldn't put her music out yeah because it wasn't talking about whatever there's there's stuff that happens like adam 22 with no jumper was was that for a little bit with like soundcloud music if you got on the no jumper stream yeah it was a big deal. Yeah, he knows all that SoundCloud shit. There's still things like that, but there's different versions of it.

And also, it doesn't have the same impact because everything is so fractured now. You made it on Hot 97. Everyone's listening to that like that becomes the record now it's like that's why that's why you listen to that music that's why broadcast was so powerful because it was like we're just putting it out to the world yeah and you might grab it now everything is so specific and you go to the thing you want right like a matter of fact i don't even like headphones. I don't like how everyone's on headphones because. You can't be like,

oh, I heard that song. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's doing their own thing. It's impossible to find new shit because you don't ever hear it in a mass. Where would you hear it? Yeah.

Like. That's honestly why. A concert. I think TikTok and social media could be good if it was used the right way because that's the place you hear it. It's like, oh, I watched that girl dancing, but what was that song that was that song that was you know but the problem is a lot of that shit then they start to make it for that yeah and also the labels are like behind it like so i

i've been saying to dance to a song i've been saying for a long time so i i was born in 85 so like 90s and early 2000s rap from city island. It was like that. That was my music. And as I got older, I was like new, new shit, new music, new rap. I hate it. But I was like, that's just because I'm the old man. But I actually I think I've come back around that. I think there's like fact behind that now. I think that like between I heard you.

I was listening to the episode you did on the road podcast with all the DJjs where they were like in in vegas clubs we play shit from like oh three that's what gets the crowd the last one i did yeah i've done that like that that that there's hasn't been a number one uh billboard rap song in like two years the djs aren't playing it like at first i was like oh i'm just the old man yelling at the cloud now i start i think i'm i think it's like actually true that the music was better or more fun or more geared towards partying. However you want to characterize it. Yeah, it was geared toward – there's a certain type of music that works with a DJ well for outside experience like nightclubs or parties. Right.

Where a lot of the stuff now is not, it's a good song to drive to, and you hear it at a party, and it doesn't have any impact. Yeah, you're not gonna like get up or whatever. Yeah. But I don't know, I just feel like, at first I thought it was like, no, you're just old, and now I'm like,

I think you're wrong and I'm right. I mean, it's not, it's, at the very least you can say it's just not how it used to be. I feel like, you know, I mean, rap like superstars were on like a whole other level. Is what, are there any rap superstars now who would you who would you say is like

close is like travis and kendrick but not nowhere near kendrick is funny because i almost feel like he's getting the industry approval and he has tons of fans of course but it's not like this mass appeal like it's very within hip-hop. That's what I'm saying. There is no one that's like Michael Jackson. Maybe Taylor Swift is the closest thing. But I think in pop music there is. But I don't think in rap music you're going to have.

I think Jay-Z was the last one. Drake, I guess. Drake is the closest. And he has to put out a lot of music yeah i mean everyone knocks him for trying to like how he does all the different styles of music but that's like what you have to do to fucking reach everybody at this point because they're only going to listen to what they listen to that style i saw the other day that uh that kendrick's current tour is the highest grossing hip-hop tour of all time yeah he sold like a million tickets or something i was

like i didn't even know what's happening i'm kind of the same with the beyonce tour so i didn't know like i obviously know what's happening but i think and again obviously social media echo chambers and stuff like that i see a lot more taylor swift than i see beyonce yeah i mean the kendrick tour if if you're like a real hip hop fan you love it but you're not gonna get crossover taylor swift fans to be like I love Kendrick you know parents are not gonna know who Kendrick Lamar is like that's it's just it's so crazy how big it is like what you're saying

like the Beyonce tour is so big and then I think Che Michael Che put out a Instagram the other day he goes you know how I know I'm single Beyonce's in town tonight I didn't know wow that's crazy

but all the social media shit and also how do you not know like cause I guess we're getting too much information I guess yeah but it just feels like to me like maybe yeah there was just a point where with rap like everybody knew the biggest

rap stars it was unavoidable and concerts right like you just everybody knew them everybody knew the biggest rap stars it was unavoidable and concerts right like you just everybody knew them and knew the hits and knew the songs knew the lyrics and now it's like you might not find it out where pop music i think still will always reach yeah the way it's played rap has just become you can go to a hip-hop concert with 20 000 screaming fans and not even know who the person is it's crazy my. I'm like, how is this happening? Well, that's happened a lot, isn't it? Like, didn't that happen with,

I might get the artist wrong, but I think Lil Baby, a lot of people are canceling shows. And people are like, they're not selling enough tickets. It's because you have X amount of streams. It used to be like, if you sell X records,

you could sell X tickets. You would know you have, yeah. Now you could get a billion streams and it's like, like i'm not gonna pay a ticket to go see that guy you know that's true but again it's that also that type of music i don't think is like i don't want to go see that live where like i wanted to go see like the bad boy reunion tour i went to that like this is a fucking spectacle you know i don't think that rap is really offering that right now and that you know good it's a preference thing obviously but i think rap was better when it was that thing versus what it is now one of the one

of the guys we work with it's not a rap artist road no i'm talking about fucking rap shit said he went to i forget the the band's name uh backseat lovers and the band i don't know but he knew him and i guess they had a big tiktok song and he went to the show and once they played that song the crowd left they all just left it's a crazy it's a crazy i've heard he that's got to be demoralized yeah ability he likes the band anyway so he wasn't there for that but he was like it changed the whole vibe of the night it changed everything so that's a crazy thing to do to buy a ticket to see one song and then split. That's why it's got to be your finale, bro.

I'm going to play this shit until we are done. I used to DJ and people were on the floor for hours. Now, it's so weird. You play a song, they put their phone away, they dance for 30 seconds, a minute, and then the next song, they go back on their phone. Do you think that's...

It's So crazy. Obviously. We had Ashton Kutcher in here a while ago and we were talking about how social media changed. Name drop off! That's a good one. Yo, we can go toe to toe. We can do it too. The only one we probably don't have is Chappelle.

That's a good one. Ashton Kutcher's a good one. And we were talking about, because he was in an article in hollywood reporter about how um social media ruined hollywood nightlife and how would nightlife yeah like la like yeah like there there's i always remember this image of this this party they describe in that in that article and it was like i forget the name of the bar but it was like justin timberlake was working the door uh prince was sitting in the back drinking water Beyonce and

Destiny's Child were dancing that 70's show was in this booth Kanye and Jay Z were in this booth and it was like that was just a regular night and that all stopped when social media came out and do you think it like to what level do you think it affected nightclubs where it became about bottle service

rather than being on the floor and dancing? It's the other way around. Bottle service started the demise and then social media. Really? I think it was because people just sat there and the party just comes to them. They replaced the dance floor with tables.

Yeah, they'll do it. Literally, they were like, people don't pay to get in clubs anymore like everyone's a vip now like i'm not playing you just have to pay 20 to get in right and then so like the promoter would make money off the door and the club would make money off the bar right now they everyone let everyone for free and then the promoter and the club have to work out a deal for the liquor so then they were like well how do we sell more liquor and they started selling it by the bottles and then the dance floor just became sparklers and all that tables and all that shit and like it ruined so you watched it

like literally like the dance floor just gone watched bro i literally that's like i remember like i don't even what year like whatever like whatever. I remember I go, they got to move those tables. Yeah, were the people going to dance? Yeah, they got to move. But there was like two. Right. You know, like, no, they got to move those. And then four and then eight and then everything just became that.

What would you say is the peak of like your career and like partying in clubs, like that sort of vibe? Where people would still like dance and like it was like a record would like fucking blow the roof off a place. So I broke Rihanna in like 05. Drop off? You can put that one on the board? Let me see.

So what's... So even... put that one on the board let me see so what's so even i say like 2010 11 it was like that's like a a year as a just a consumer i would say like that it was like very noticeable yeah right and then so what i did was when i was on hot 97, I said, you know, this is when like, oh, you know what? What's the movie with Favreau and Vince? Swingers? What? After that.

With Columbo in it. What's the movie? Made. Made, yeah. Okay, Made. They go to a club with Puffy. Yes, yes. That club was on 14th Street.

Mark Ronson used to dj it was um up and down no it might be now no no no it's 14th street the other side oh um east more east uh whatever they say it in the movie that club was the start of it starting to go like super VIP bottle service, da-da-da-da. And from there, whatever year that movie came out, I watched it go like more. Every club was trying to be that. And instead of going big, I used to DJ in the tunnel, which was 2,500 people on a Sunday night. No booths, no chairs, tables, just 1,000 people on a dance floor. Grimy as fuck.

As like a teenage white kid in the burbs hearing about the tunnel was like the tunnel must be fucking insane. I would be afraid to go to the tunnel. The same way you were asking me about doing stand-up at an arena I'll never ever be scared

to DJ anywhere because I started in war i started in a war zone was was that did flex like own that club or he's just like dj there it was just like he was the dj and then later on became the promoter got it he didn't own it though that i i remember like and you know obviously there's a certain extent it's it's just age but like i remember like in the i guess i started going to like clubs and stuff like that probably 2008 and like we would leave and like you said like it'd be war like shirts to be sweaty sweaty i'd have like like a red stains because someone

dumped a drink on me like it was so like you have to tunnel like guys like girls dancing guys dancing like people just partying yeah it was not like sit around and look cool it was not no it was like let's fucking this is my favorite song let's get on the dance floor sort of yeah but it was also violent right because i also remember the tunnel being like yeah like you know you're gonna get shot fucking they used to the cops used to be in front with pages of mug shots yeah like this and they said when you're online they used to be in front with pages of mug shots like this and they used to when you're online they used to go like this

get the fuck out and dudes and then the way if you ever watch the DMX video for Get At Me Dog it's shot in a tunnel they show

like they used to search everybody they used to make you take your shoes off they would clack your shoes together just to get in? just to get in

everybody? or if you were on the everybody you'd get your shoes off and clack them together? Yeah. Whoa. And then guys would come in. They would walk past the cops.

And the cops had mug shots. And they would walk past the cops and they would go. But so this is my point. Those same guys would then get in the club, have a couple drinks. But if their favorite song came on, they were like, oh, wow, just dancing. Because now it's like if you're a tough guy, if you're cool, you're tough. And if you're tough, you're not dancing.

You're not partying. But it was still like you could be fucking gangster as shit, but you still were like, that's the new Bad Boy record. Absolutely. Hands in the air. That's fucking ridiculous. I mean, there was some guys who didn't dance. They'd be more in the back. But if you were on the floor, you were dancing. For sure. That's fucking ridiculous. I mean, there was some guys who didn't dance. They'd be more in the back.

Yeah. But if you were on the floor, you were dancing. Yeah. For sure. That's crazy. 100%. That is objectively better

than what goes on now. When people are like, no, you're just old and lame. It's like, that's the better party. We're talking about the more party. Yeah, this is the bigger party. That I don't get.

But then the clubs started to get small. It was like, if the clubs are small how do we make money but we gotta sell this liquor for way more money and then

if you go to a club if you go like the equivalent of like a One Oak you know One Oak they don't have it anymore but that kind of club

my buddy used to think that was called 10 AK I thought it was a 1-0 he goes I went to this club that's like 10 AK I was like what is that

10 AK and I realized you were just saying 1-0 wrong. Dumb motherfucker. It's like a... Alright, I'm going to explain this. It's like a play. The whole club is a play for two or three

rich people. Right. For them to consume almost. There's guys whose job it is to, my friend does this. He has a booth. His job is to bring 10 girls. He gets two free bottles a night, whatever. And there's four or five of those guys, and they all have girls.

And then there's some some oil guy some tech guy and everything is like a show for them because they spend $50,000 at the bar. So three of them is $150,000 every little drink at the bar is adding up to another

$5,000. So it's really just about those guys and then they want to like be with the cool people is there anything lamer than buying your friends and buying being cool you have quite the microcosm for society it really is

the more of those guys come in the less cool it gets and you'll notice as a promoter he'll keep that party just to wring it dry of however much he could get. But he starts a new party on another night. And then it's all cool. And then one whale, two whales.

And it's just a fucking cycle. I mean, if you do that, it's actually pretty brilliant. And it's actually probably pretty cool the way you do it. But for everyone else, I mean, I was in Montreal for a bachelor party and the the best man you know obviously nobody's aware like that but he did like the buying the bottles with with the girls that come and i was like i don't want to talk to these girls yeah i want to talk to the normal girls you guys obviously are just drinking our liquor and you're doing this because you're getting paid for it and you're taking up spots at the table for real girls get the fuck out of here

who wants to pay to talk you know like the lamest shit in the fucking world taking up spots for most importantly the homies the boys yeah the boys I don't want any of this shit we had this exact discussion on hip hop treasures A&E Saturdays 9pm

it's a great show about hip hop artifacts and collectibles I am telling you man I if I come across a video on Instagram 9pm it's a great show about hip hop artifacts and collectibles hello Cool J I am telling you man I if I come across a video on Instagram along those lines

I watch it and follow every single time so like I will be there 9pm sit down and watch that

every fucking week the shows are about us collecting these artifacts whatever for the museum yeah bro that's the show right the stories

the stories there was one that got me years and years and years ago it was a video of when uh when jay first heard dirt off your shoulder and he's like he's like oh yeah and that went viral like listen here jay-z listened to dirt off your shoulder first time and ever since then i will watch like any video about any rapper, anybody talking, anything. Studio, old studio footage, because everyone didn't have a camera back then. Yeah. That video, I know exactly what you're talking about. There's three other beats that Timberland plays before that.

And two of those beats became other hit songs for other people. For other people, yeah. But wait, when he plays During Your Shoulder and Jay makes that face. He's like offended by it this is disgusting I love it and Tim's just laughing like I got I got 10 more to go

like unbelievable those that just does not feel like it's the same anymore but yes Hip Hop Treasures I mean

it takes a lot I just gotta say it because the publicist but listen I mean appointment television is something that's like going away

but something like that I'll you know i shot that show it was a mess yeah i was all over the place they fly me here find me there we shoot one day with this guy one day with this guy we go back to that guy because he had to get his storage unit i was in my mind i was like this is gonna look crazy and then they put it together you would just say off mic you're like this is going to look crazy. And then they put it together. You were just saying off mic, you're like, this is fucking, it came out really, really good.

With the archival footage and the old flyers and the voiceovers, I was like, oh, how did they do this? That was there. Bro,

we do that a lot here too. I'm like, that wasn't funny. That video sucked and then they put it together, put the bells and whistles on. I'm like, that's really good.

I am so not important to this whole process. For real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the magic half. like magic half real you're the face but it means nothing but where where were you flying to oh we did we went to we went all over new york are you talking like um other like monster acts or is it like like uh on the show yeah is it like big names or is like smaller like hidden stories and shit like that no no, no. I mean, it's pretty big. Like Naughty by Nature, CeeLo Green from Goody Mob. Then the first episode was all about Biggie. And that was me. Like, I used to DJ for Lil' Kim. But so like, so the first episode, Lil' C's, Biggie's son, CJ, Biggie's daughter, Tiana, Faith Evans.

But when I was a kid, my first job was Little Kim, my first real job. And they lived in Biggie's house. So I was in Biggie's house all the time. But he was never there when I was there. He used to piss me the fuck off. His cereal bowl would be on the table. Just missed him. And I'm like, where's Big? And they're like, oh, he just left. He's bowl would be on the table. Just missed him. And I'm like, where's Big?

And they're like, oh, he just left. He's going to the airport. I was like, what? So going with C's and talking about all this Biggie stuff was incredible. But it's only an hour show. We talked for hours. I feel like I'm sure every genre and every musician has stories, but it just feels like hip

hop has like a treasure trove of like because it's from it's from nothing yeah it's also it's still like so new even even now the 50th anniversary it's like for most of you know our lives it was still a brand new genre that was like evolving and changing so it's like you know you're you're truly still you're almost still talking about the pioneers of it in the grand scheme of things you know yeah but those guys back in the 90s and shit were like really doing it for the first time ever i think it's funny like we're we're gonna see grandpa rappers for like the first time ever now yeah you know god like you know if you're lucky enough you know you're seeing guys are like 60 years old now, and it's like, holy shit.

They're talking about fucking guns, drugs, bitches, money, and now they're like old men. It's funny to see that evolution because it's the first time it's ever happened. Wait, they're old men talking about guns and drugs? Are they Republicans? You can get that right now. Rap and Republicans, same shit, man. Bro, you know what's funny? You can get that right now. Robin Republican. Same shit, man. Bro, you know what's funny? Trump supporters and street dudes from Brooklyn are so similar.

Anti-vax, anti-government. Like, don't touch my money. They're like the same. It's just the race part that's fucking it up. It's a little bit of a big gap in the race. They sat down and talked. During COVID, we had to do comedy shows, and we would go to the deep south. We just jumped in the car and drove and went to Louisiana, Alabama.

I was like, fuck it. We're going to go. Yo, first of all, best comedy crowds. Yeah. And then I go on stage right away like it's like trump there's trump flags everywhere right and i go on stage i go before y'all give me shit i'm from where your leader is from he said show me fucking love baby i'm from where your boy and they would get oh this guy's he's fucking around yeah get it right away yeah and then they'd

be open and um and i would talk like afterwards we talked to people and like bro if you talk individually you can get a lot of shit done yeah but it's just when masses get together and it's parties and different groups it just destroys it that's what uh was it's a great line from Men in Black. The philosophical classic. Tommy Lee Jones says, people are stupid. A person is smart. Yeah, that is true. That's a dope line. Yeah, I might be butchering it a bit, but that's the group of people is dumb.

But an individual person is smart is the sentiment. He's talking about aliens and meeting people in Chile. How they'll react to. You believe in aliens? Bro, there's proof now. Guys are like, yes, I fucking seen them. Okay, yes, I believe. I don't care.

Why do you not care? He doesn't care either. Like, we're talking about all this other shit, and I'm like, who fucking cares? There's aliens. But because everything we've ever known, religion and rules and stories throw it all out none of it's fucking real because there's fucking aliens on a different planet the

guy said it whatever he said they found biological mass or whatever the fuck he said right yeah okay now what like i still gotta pay rent yeah i know that but also it's like maybe you don't have to pay rent because there's fucking aliens. Go do whatever you want. Tell your landlord to go fuck himself because there's aliens, man. What's he going to do? He's going to do shit. There's fucking aliens.

We were debating. Would you eat one? Would you eat one? Would you eat one? I've never. Dude, I'm a nerd on this alien shit. I've never had this thought in my life. He doesn't give a fuck about aliens

But he just goes Well what if they taste good I was like I mean we eat everything else on the planet right I probably wouldn't Because I'm picky with Like slimy food How do you know it'd be slimy

What if alien was like Wagyu beef What if it was like amazing I'm not gonna be the first one It's like the vaccine Yeah. What if Alien was like, well, it was like Wagyu beef. What if it was like amazing? Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to be the first one. It's like the vaccine. Once the government makes me, I'll do it.

Bro, let me tell you. They told me the vaccine. I'm like, I don't do any drugs. I don't even take prescription medicine unless I'm like, unless I have to, right? Bro, the comedy seller was like, hey, we're going to open back up, but everyone has to be vaccinated. Done. Give me two, bro.

I just got it right that day. That was it to me. I don't care one way or the other, but it's like, if I need this to do anything. I'm not anti-vax, pro-vax, whatever. I'm all about individual. I'm pro-money and career. They were like, like we're opening back up but everyone has to be vaxed and some comics didn't do it i was like yo fucking yeah dude did you i i we've talked about

it obviously i don't see him it's the covid vaccine but i i got mine of the javits did that they could have done that better well it was like a war zone it was just little literal military everywhere and then you had to sit there for 20 minutes afterwards to make sure you didn't die but they would they had just an orchestra playing so you guys keep you entertained what and i was like dude this is the titanic there's the military chef where the band's playing right there and i'm just sitting here waiting to die this is the time yeah it was i i'm sure they changed the entertainment perhaps they had stand-up some times but the day i was there it was a string quartet just sitting there playing while i just sat there waiting how i reacted to the medicine imagine just like just playing and fucking.

What do you think you have better stories from? The comedy world or the hip hop world? Hip hop just because it's more. I feel like you've got, you know. It's a lot of comedy. A lot of comedy. I mean, you've been rolling with Dave now for what, 20 years? Yeah.

2002, right? Yeah, 2002. Well, since 99, I've known him. Right. Yeah, I mean, I got. yeah oh two right yeah oh two yeah well since 99 i known him right um yeah i mean i got they they also kind of like intertwined right everything with me my whole i am hip-hop right maybe i don't dj professionally as my main career anymore but i am still hip-hop 100 i attack comedy as a hip hop DJ. That's why I think I'm a little different. When I first started, I was trying to write jokes like Mark Norman or Sam Morrell.

You know, they're like, they're so dope with the pen. Amazing, yeah. And I was like, you got to talk like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that's when I started feeling it. But everybody does that, right? You start off like copying. Yeah, you figure out your own style. How would Patrice do this and I'm like

I don't care how Patrice would do it I just do it and if I know me am I like on their level but I just feel like me but um I mean DJing hip hop I was around a lot more shit how old did you start that out I think I already asked this but like what when were you

were you like in DJing professionally like in the 90s or like? Yeah, by 90s. I was on tour with Lil' Kim in 96. So yeah, I mean, you lived it all. Oh, bro. All of it. And I don't drink.

You know, the very, very infancy of hip hop maybe you missed, but like by the time it was fucking cooking, you were. I don't drink or smoke, so like I. You never did? No. Oh, shit. So like I was. So I remember all of it. And I was like super like- You were the cop in the corner.

Everyone's like, don't fucking write this down. I was never a cop. Bro, let me tell you. I was never a cop. I used to be an A&R for this guy named True Life. He was a gangster. And we're in the studio one day. And we're working.

And then four or five of his boys come in screaming. They rush in the studio one day, and we're working, and then like four or five of his boys come in screaming. They rush in the studio, and they're like, yo, so-and-so just got shot. We got to—I go, wait, hold on. I'm going to step out. I'm going to step out. I don't want to hear anything. Oh, I swear to God. Carry on.

Close the door. And they're like, what? Please excuse me. I go, you don't want me to hear this. I will cave under pressure. I'll be on a podcast and they'll ask for an interesting story. When the cops come to me, all I'm going to say is, I saw four guys run in the room. I don't know what they say.

And I can pass a lie detector. You know what I mean? I'm out of it. Let me step out. Let me step out. I said straight up. I mean, there's a lot of that, though, right? I mean, you've seen a lot of shit.

The tunnel on tour, all this shit. I mean, you've seen it all. Yeah, but like that one where they were about to start explaining names of the house to the young. That's so goddamn funny. Yeah, I've been in shootouts and I mean, not towards

me, but I've been around shootouts and stuff like in clubs. I've been in one club. I was in Jersey. You just hit the deck and pray? You just hit the deck and pray? My boy I used to have my boy Big Kev He was my road manager

Big Kev is legendary He had He was street Essence Everything about him was the street And he would see shit And he'd come to the DJ booth He's like yo

We out You would know I'm in the middle I'm in the middle This is when vinyl days Yeah He would just start packing up my vinyl We out

No way And we had a rule If Kev said we have to leave There's no I'm in the middle. This is with vinyl days. He would just start packing up my vinyl. We out. And we had a rule. If Kev said we have to leave, there's no questions allowed until we're on the highway. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then, so then it became laptop. We would DJ with our laptops.

And he just came to the booth. He's like, yo, we out. Shut my laptop. Pull the cord. Doesn't give a fuck that the music stopped. And like nothing was happening yet. But it was about to, yeah. So it would look like, what the fuck just happened?

And then it would happen. Yeah, wow. So one time. Because everyone's pissed the music stopped. Yeah. Cam said, let's go. That's a good guy to have in your crew. So one time he comes. It was like a diner in Jersey, but they used to make it a club at night.

He comes in the DJ booth. He goes, fuck, I'm too late. Grabs me and someone else and pushes us under the turntables, and gunshots start going, pow, pow, pow. I was like, oh, fuck. And I go, you're losing it, bro. No, I was on. I saw it.

But the guy already came. He was like mad. Bro, I craw, I saw it, but the guy already came. He was like mad. Bro, I crawled over, behind me was a payphone. I crawled to the payphone. On the ground, I grabbed like a broom. I popped it off and pressed 911. And I didn't say anything. Just, you could hear it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we hear boop, boop, boop. And then it stopped, and we just grabbed the shit and walked out. As we leave, the cops are coming in. Unbelievable. I was like, what should we do? And I was like, I'm not calling from my cell phone. And they're like, boop, boop, boop.

That's great, man. I mean, you probably got stories for days. I could talk to you for days on end. I'm lucky, man. I mean, you probably got stories for days. I could talk to you for days on end. I'm lucky, bro. Like, thank God nothing ever really bad happened because I've been around a lot of bad shit. And once you've been around either industry long enough, I think what's really important is just being like – you got to be good at your job, right? But being like well-liked. Like people just fuck with you.

They want you around in comedy clubs. They want you around at like a club to be a DJ. Want you on tour, whatever it is. You're doing something right. I get most of my stuff for being reliable and likable. Yeah, right. It was a long way. There's not that many people that like, you know, a lot of people suck.

A lot of people are like, ugh. I don't get why, man. It's so easy to just be normal. Just be a normal dude. Just, you know a lot of people suck a lot of people like i don't get why man it's so easy to just be normal just be a normal dude just just you know and you can get anything you're getting the other way but just not leave this trail of blood exactly on the way but that's how like the shit like ll i've known ll for a long time but when i did like the i don't know whatever you call the chemistry test the the camera test everybody like the whole all his crew

and everybody was like yo he's likeable like he cause I really do care I look I can get casted on any show and be happy about it

but a hip hop collectible show with you know what I mean like I was like no no I'm real and I love A&E like I've been talking

to the publicists about all my shows. I watch 60 Days In, First 48, Neighbor Wars. It's a good channel. I'm in it. I love the channel. So when it was a hip-hop show on A&E, I was like, please. Why does this keep ringing?

Oh, someone's breaking into my house. That is literally scripted for you to do, right? 100%. And I just had to explain to them how much this show was me right and i'm very famous in new york yeah come on guys it is it's such a like an engrossing topic like you know how it kind of come came together you like moving like my family moved recently and we're just going through our house and like obviously i'm biased because they're personal stories and stuff like that but i soon as I was like that's a

great story that you could do that with anything when you add hip hop and all that to it yeah I mean or stand up I mean Blaine is just honestly when you think about life in general it's just about telling good stories making your buddies laugh or making them go oh shit I can't believe that happened I was watching

somebody talk about I think Scorsese and they were just like I was watching somebody talk about, I think, Scorsese. And they were just like, if you try to pitch this movie, it will seem horrible. But when you make the movie, it's like the story's in it. You know what I mean? Like Goodfellas. Make it real, yeah.

Goodfellas takes place over three different decades, kind of. You know what I mean? And it's like a guy who's not all the way Italian, he's in the mafia, and it's like, okay, yeah, we've seen it before. But, like, when you watch it, it's like Ray, what's his name in the movie? Leota. Ray Leota.

Yeah. What's his name in the movie? Oh, oh, fucking fuck. Henry Hill. Yes. Like, it's like all these stories in there. Right. Makes perfect sense.

So that's why I these stories in there. Makes perfect sense. That's why I like doing this show. Half the time, I don't get to leave with the collectible or artifact. The museum is going to arrange the shipping. It's not like I walk out with the thing like, I got it! Sometimes we make it look that way, but I'm not

going to take this. I'm a cast member. I can't even get my own safe deposit box. But Faith talking about she lived in Newark, and she would go visit Biggie in the studio. She would go buy him the Coogees. He's famous for wearing the Coogees. I didn't know she bought them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see the Jay-Z exhibit in Brooklyn? No. I got invited to that that but I was on tour with Burt and like it was the big time I know

I called my manager I was like should I take off yeah it was like one day it was like Salt Lake City yeah

I was like should I go to this thing and you can't leave the tour I mean that's that's a big okay if it was just spot dates I would have asked

yeah it was a tour with tour buses yeah yo Burt made me I was the fucking host I'd stand up

I did stand up and I DJ you killed it I kill I the first one didn't even count bro you saw the first one we were in Queens

I figured it out I'm sure yeah I was like I can't leave this they put so much faith in me yeah like i've been to jay-z stuff before yeah but i didn't know it was that right it was like they told us it was a surprise but yeah i i was i i now i lean towards doing a comedy more yeah so if i have to decide i pick that way yeah well don't don't give up on hip hop

fully though no never there's only there's only like a few of you left well I did the hip hop 50 I didn't go to the Yankee Stadium concert

cause I knew that I I wasn't part of it so I didn't want to just be a spectator I'm weird about that but the next day they did

a block party in front of the building where they say hip hop started 1520 Cedric avenue and talib quali was like dj for me for that event wow it was sick bananas crazy like hood i was gonna say was it just like on the street or was it on the street and you could just roll up it was like ticketed no i was blocked off you have to go through like oh my god bro it was such madness quali was supposed to do like five songs

we ended up doing one everybody's trying to plug their laptop in for their artist to go on because it was about to get shut down I fucking finagled my way in

and I was like oh yeah I love hip hop I also DJ'd the JFL the Montreal Comedy Festival after party and I was like whatever

like it's they booked me to DJ I was like whatever like it's they booked me to DJ I was like I'll DJ if I can do stand up so I got three stand up gigs out of it and I'm like I'm gonna do this party

and then I'm gonna leave it turned out to be rocking the greatest I literally was DJing I go oh I'm out of retirement cause I wasn't even

looking for songs have you done Skankfest? yeah I love Skankfest that's perfect for that scene Skank Fest is great so I was like I'm out of retirement out of retirement

I love it and I was like you know I call my old manager that still does my DJ stuff I was like I'm ready I'm ready

so you think you're going to do some more shit I think with this show and I think the 50th anniversary I was just like I don't want to do parties with

new shit yeah but there's a lot of parties with like 90s and 2000s and there's a lot of disposable income in that in that in that demo because i mean that's like a lot of that shit it's like reunion tours and festivals and shit like that where you know maybe it's an older artist who can't carry a tour anymore right but you get you get a bunch of people together. I mean, that's the sort of shit that people in my demo who love the old hip-hop would pay and want to do and love and all that shit. Let's do it a little earlier. Yeah.

Hip-hop for old heads. Let's do it. New show going. Hip-hop for old heads. You guys play from like six to nine. You know, in Spain, headliners go first. Really? In concerts in Spain, headliners go first.

Why? Do people stick around? Yeah. Well, some people probably leave, but if you love music, you're going to stay for the openers, which are the closers. So let's do that. Yo. Let's do it.

That's fucking crazy. Listen. Rakim is on stage, 8 o'clock. Yo, we need that for comedy, too. I can Listen, Rakim is on stage 8 o'clock. Yo, we need that for comedy, too. I can't. Chappelle going on stage at 1 a.m. Bro, it's way past my bedtime.

Let's go. Those are the worst. Does he, I mean, he just stays up all night? Bro, I thought I was bad. He's a vampire. A vampire, but he doesn't sleep all day. He's up. He's the first one up. He just keeps going.

First one up, bro. You go downstairs day he's up he's the first one up he's gone first one up bro you go downstairs he's already sitting having coffee are you you are you just like a made man with him in a sense like if he's doing something are you a part of it like you're always you know like in the in the i'm a made man friendship wise i don't i don't i'm not on all the shows got it but um well the thing, it's weird with him. I had to have a talk with him last month. I go, Dave, he has a DJ. And I usually do the shows that his DJ can't do.

And then I get to do stand-up also. Yeah, right. And I told him a couple months ago, I was like, Dave, you don't only have to call me when trauma's not here. I also can just do the stand-up part right he's like oh yeah so lately I've been doing stuff just stand up that's great man yeah but I had to like bro I mean that's a sign that you've you know made it when like the greatest of all time is inviting you to his show to just do stand-up, you've officially transitioned all the way over. Let me say the attitude I got.

There's another opener, right? And I go, and he's... Say his name, bro. Just say it. No, it doesn't matter. It's just that I went first and I was thinking about it. I was like, I'm going to do a stand-up as long as him. Why do I have to always go first?

Because they're like, I get little brothered sometimes. Oh, he's the DJ that's have to always go first because they like i get little brothered sometimes yeah oh he's the dj that's trying to be funny but they don't come to the cellar every night right i'm out every single night right if you saw me do a full set you wouldn't think you're throwing me something right you earned it yeah and then i do these shows with dave and that's why he's starting to like yeah you can come do like so like i'm going on the tour with him and he's coming from master square garden can come do like, so I'm going on the tour with him. I mean, he's coming from Madison Square Garden. Let's go.

And then I'm going on tour with him for a few dates. And I think also like him seeing me with like Kreischer. Sure. Like, yeah, you do this without me. Like, you know, you can stand on your own two with everybody. Yeah, he's like, oh, you really are out there, you know? Congratulations. Because he doesn't follow.

No. All about the DC improv, he doesn't know. Right. If I speak to him. You see the fully loaded tour and, you really are out there, you know? Congratulations. Because he doesn't follow. No. All about the DC improv, he doesn't know. Right. If I speak to him. You see the fully loaded tour. That one he saw. It's a real deal. Yeah, that was everywhere.

I mean, that lineup is bananas. That's like, you know, for this modern era, that's like the greatest fucking lineup of all time. Santino, Mark Norman, Big J, Soda. Gil, Rosebud. I mean, it's like. Jim Norton, Rich Ross. There wasorton you could you could there was there was nobody you could be like i'm gonna go get a beer for this one you know what i mean like you don't

want to miss a single fucking second of that act the when i went to the fully loaded in queens i believe it was the night before i went to dave's late show at the stand stand where you were there and i was thinking, wow, this is crazy that I'm seeing all these comedians in a 24-hour window. You were fucking doing it. You were at both, right? Yeah, it was rough.

Are you ever telling Dave, get up, go on stage, get up there now? You ever tell him, get up, go. Let's get this shit going Or the opposite Like finish this shit up buddy Let's go home It's It's trying to get him

To get off stage Yeah that's the problem So like He drinks a lot bro Like You know when he's like You can tell if he wants To stay up there

Or if he's like Kind of looking for a little out Yeah yeah So I'll go back By the DJ thing And like Start talking with him And then give him an out. Or his manager's like, get up there.

Are there nights where you're trying and you know he's gone and it's not happening? One time we were in London and he was talking to some guy in the crowd. And the guy goes, I'm from Israel. And Dave goes, Israel. And his manager's like, uh-oh. Fuck. We're going to get away on tonight on skis. He's like, I love people from Israel, but the politics.

And he's like, get up there. Get up there. Bro, I go up there and I make a little noise with the turntable. I just go, vrt. And he goes, don't try to shut me down. I'm out. I'm out, bro. This is your problem.

I'm out. I'm out. That's fucking great. That is unbelievable. He didn't say nothing crazy, but he was just like, don't try to shut me down. Smart man. All right, man. Well, you're also at that Fully Loaded Tour Responsible for

One of my favorite jokes Fucking ever man It was right after The Red Sky shit And you said You were like The Dominicans thought It was free hookah

I I was Howling Bro I forgot I stopped doing that Dude that is so funny Write that down please No that was

I mean I was laughing when the smoke came from canada i was like laughing for like 10 minutes like a new act was up on stage i was still laughing about that joke it was fucking great bro i did that like three maybe no maybe five more times and i forgot about it keep it up it's so good if you're from new york it's just so good man so congrats though man two unbelievable careers bro keep it up. Keep it up. It's so good. If you're from New York, it's just so good, man. So congrats, though, man. Two unbelievable careers, bro.

Keep it up. So there's no – I thought you guys had fried chicken. Every time, bro. Every time. Is there no fried chicken? It's just my goddamn initials, bro. It's the worst podcast name in existence. I named it fucking 15 years ago. Never thought it was going to be anything, and now everyone's like,

does it have to do with the chicken? No, I thought there was, you should have some. We should have some. Now that you say that. You know what? Once fucking KFC sponsors this shit, they're doing other shows at Barstool.

I'm like, I have the same name. Spend some money with the podcast, bro. I was about to say they never will, but they do other shows at Barstool. Yes, these motherfuckers. Of course, they don't say shit like I say, but whatever. I don't know. I'm always hearing about brand safety.

Brand safety. Well, now, what if they bought it back, right? Yeah. Well, yeah. We don't give a shit. It's about convincing the sponsors to not care. Yeah, but now it's grimy again. Let's get back to grimy.

It does feel grimy again. Bro, we're having our own version of shootouts in the crowd. Internet bullets are flying now. People are talking shit. Everything's getting grimy again. It's good times, man. All right, we got to go. Yeah, boy.

What happened recently at a cold slice of pizza? Did you see that? Nah, he's done so many of them. It was cold. He's like, this pizza's ice cold. The guy goes, hey, do you have permission to shoot on our patio? Oh, now it's classic. He went 0.0.

Yep, yep. And then those guys – so he buried that place. Was that the place where the pizza was? Yeah. And then the owners of that place – because that was like a manager. The owners reached out. They actually leaned into it. They made shirts that said 0.0.

Right. Oh, that's good. And then he went back and gave them a proper review. They actually – they played it right and they spun it in their favor. It's so easy to play it right. Right. 0.0 and then Dave he went back and gave him like a proper review and like they actually they played it right and they spun it in their favor it's so easy

to play it right right and I mean he said to that guy Dave was like you wanna do this cause I'm about to bury this place

like he knew it was about to happen and yeah you just lean in and apologize and be a little bit funny about it and next thing you know

it's all in your favor if you just humor could save everything everything all that Bud Light shit it's like a well placed just humor could save everything everything all that bud light shit it's like a well-placed joke would have made that all go away man yeah it's crazy whatever that's what all right hip-hop treasures a and m uh a and e nine o'clock ten o'clock ten

o'clock he kept saying nine that was did i say nine o'clock yeah ten o'clock did i say nine o'clock before yeah ten o'clock oh fuck we'll just edit you in 10 o'clock 10 o'clock on Saturdays A&E Hip Hop Treasures Watch it It's very funny Thank you Appreciate it bro

Thank you សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.