KFC Radio - Dave Portnoy vs The Dogg: $20,000 Poker Match || Ft. Ms. Pat

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:21 Grossest things someone can do 11:49 Near death experiences 15:18 Nate's recent Poker run 22:26 Dave vs Nate Poker 43:40 Nate's fitness journey 47:12 Nate's takes on Trumps assassination attempt 57:54 Feits crushed the stand-up routine he was supposed to b*mb 01:11:17 We need to put fans in Subway stations 01:18:45 Jim Breuer says "Chappelle was visited" 01:55:39 What if your name was Casey Anthony? 02:02:34 Ms. Pat Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Omaha: Shop exclusive packages starting at $99 at https://OmahaSteaks.com and get an EXTRA $10 OFF when you use promo code KFC at checkout +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I was gonna say, I feel like your relationship has, like, it used to be funny. I feel like there's actual dislike now. It's like when the play fight is with your brother. Between both of you. What is going on? Surrounded by dying people? What's happening here?

I'm sore every second of the day. Well, you were working out, though. Yeah. It makes sense. This guy over here is just, I don't know. Well, I'm scabby. Scabby? What's that mean? Well, we played floor hockey is just, I don't know. Well, I'm scabby. Scabby. What's that mean?

Well, we played floor hockey in here, and so I got a lot of scabs on me right now. I got one, two, three, four, I think. When I'm brushing my teeth, I think it's a nipple. But the point is that scabs are awesome, and I miss them. Because you get them all the time as kids. You get roughed up. I don't ever get scabs anymore. I've been picking the hell out of these.

It's a blast. Nothing more satisfying than when you... It's almost like peeling an orange and you get the whole orange. I got a good piece. When you get a full scab. That is so gross. Do you eat it? Stop.

No, but I knew people who did. Kids are like you. Did you when you were younger? No, no. I never did gross stuff as a kid. I'm trying to think of the grossest thing I who did. Like kids who... Did you when you were younger? No, no. I never did gross stuff as a kid. I'm trying to think of the grossest thing I ever did. Or at least I'm sure I did plenty of gross things. I definitely have bit my toenails before.

Bro, I... I've done that. It's a terrible idea. Like lay on your back and... No, I could just... Oh my... Dude, it was... But you can't...

You should obviously just clip your nails, right? No, you're wrong. But if you bite your nails, you can kind of bite them so it looks right and feels right, you know. Doing your toes is just like, ah. Your nails are a fucking wreck. I think we were writing a sketch. Or I think we were doing something recently, and I was going to put in, like, what do you bite your toenails in the shower or something like that?

Because I remember my uncle did it when I was young. In the shower is a little crazy. And I heard about it, and I was like, what do you bite your toenails in the shower? Something like that. Because I remember my uncle did it when I was young. In the shower is a little crazy. And I heard about it. And I was like, what do you mean Brendan does that? And the, I was like, oh. Flexible, man. Like, if my body's a disaster, I can do this shit like that.

I intentionally left it out because I was like, no one else would get that. It's too weird a reference. If you bite your toenails in the shower, let us know. Like, Tommy Smokes might bite his toenails in the shower. us know like tommy smokes might bite his toenails you think so he seems like a toenail biter i don't understand how you have the dexterity i mean no i think he would sit down my knees sit down and do it i don't know yeah i mean you're not flexible jackie what would you do that'll scab up nice what would you do that'll scab up nice

what would you do Jack if you were dating somebody and you were dating them for three weeks one month a month of dating and everything's like great

and you walk in on him eating his own toenails biting his own toenails no no no like I'm talking like hot 6'5 blue eyes trust fund you know the whole thing you walk in on him eating his own toenails. No, no, no. I'm talking like hot, 6'5", blue eyes, trust fund, the whole thing.

Everything's good. You're talking to the girls. He might be the one, all that. Shredded. There's so many other options before biting your toenails. I don't say biting any nails. It really is a compulsion.

Finger nails is like a nervous habit it's just like that's crazy that's just crazy i used to i mean i still have a problem i i carry like a nail clipper everywhere i go i'm like crazy ocd because i if i don't i will bite them but i used to as a kid just like really bite them and i had to put uh i got like they make. It's called like no bite or whatever. You rub it on your fingers and it tastes god awful. And that shit works though. In the beginning, I was like. You would fight through it? And then eventually, you know, I wouldn't. But I mean, I have fingernails that are permanently fucked up from chewing on them too much when I was like a teenager.

And now, I don't know. I'm always clipping. I dated a girl who was a nail biter. And it was just around tougher girls would just be like nod yeah well that's the other thing too is like right now i'm pretty good but uh you know i'll always have like a hangnail or something and as a you know it's not great but i feel like as a guy it's one thing as a girl that's the tough one i definitely do it i more peel like i rip yeah but you but i'm sure your nails look the same as hers did. Let's see your gigantic paws.

Do you get your nails done frequently? Well, I'm allergic to nail polish. Oh, right. So I can't. What? Right. Well, you're allergic to gel, right? And gel acrylics.

But then, like, the normal ones, like, it lasts, like, two days. What? Like, I don't know. Mine chip faster than the average i don't know what i'm doing with my hands but like it's like it was not not i am not a nail hand whatever guy by any stretch of imagination but i remember seeing that and thinking about down here that's gonna that's gonna i'll deal with it for six months but i'm really gonna piss me off i mean that's that's that is a big time yeah i mean for let me see like are those fine they're a little dirty right now you're fine you're fine are they yeah it wasn't super convincing it would

almost look like she had around her nails like uh that was like it was almost like warts like it was it was like it would be like raised skin and like it was almost like it was healing so your nail zach had those um they're dirty you gotta clean those okay i got what are you like digging in the dirt all the time what's that i actually i'm constantly asked by my friends if I'm digging a dirt. I don't know. My friends are always thinking raccoon girl every time we're out. You've got to clean them shit.

I know. But the nail shape and all that looks fine. It's my self-tanner. It's like if I scratch an itch, it looks like there's dirt. Oh, okay. Which probably isn't a great explanation. So your little circle dance would be like fake tenor and dirty nails yeah um yeah so we're old and gross the scabs like scabs are are

something you really don't get very often even just bruises you know like i you don't get a good i used to you know just getting punched in the arm all the time. You just have bruises on your body. And now when I see an adult with bruises, I'm like, what the fuck is that about? See a girl whose legs are bruised up. I'm like, do you need 911? Isn't that all because girls bruise easy? Girls just bruise off anything. Well, they're all anemic, right? Yeah, you guys all have low iron, right?

On account of that hole. Period. On account of the fact that you're regularly making iron. Did you see that report on tampons the other day? Oh, yeah. No, I don't want to know. Do I want to know? Like, all the major tampons have lead and arsenic in them.

You guys have just been poisoning your pussies for like 50 years. Okay, well, we just found out a lot. Yeah, it's like, no wonder they're fucking crazy. They're like the, you know, remember they said- Everyone's the Mad Hatter. Yeah, it's like, no wonder they're fucking crazy. Remember they said... Everyone's the Mad Hatter. Yeah, I was going to say, the Mad Hatter, if you don't know, I just saw a YouTube video of it the other day. It's funny that popped up.

All the hats were made with glue, right? Mercury. Or mercury was in the material, so they seeped into your brain. So certain guys who wore their hats all the time went crazy, so you were the Mad Hatter. Girls have the mad pussy yeah you guys are crazy because you're just putting arsenic in your in your your in your hole as john said yeah i read an article about it and i i didn't really see if it the article was by john rich and it was basically like some guy invented the tampon like in the 60s or whatever and they were were like, all right, that's cool.

Stick it up there. And they never really did anything. And so now John Rich brings up a good point. And he's like, now they have to study what that's doing to us as men. Because we get we get arson, arsenic dick. Right. Well, I'll tell you first off the rip what it's doing to us. Oh, is that why my dick looks so weird?

Sorry, babe. What do you think happened right when those products were being invented? Prior, I don't know what cave women and shit were doing. It was probably just freeballing it, right?

Sitting on hay bales. Really? Yeah, that's what colonial women would do. And they just have to like stay there all day sorry i'm bleeding you can come to me but i can't come to you i always think about that like in year one when everybody's figuring this stuff out it's like whoa yeah like like the first blood gushing out but like the first woman who was like i can't sit on this hay all day i gotta get i gotta start washing the clothes down by the river she was just like just stuck something roll up a t-shirt and like maybe we can make this fit next thing you know mr tampax has like a billion dollars uh but um yeah so you

got lead pussy and arsenic coochie and scabs i mean is it arsenic like actual poison right that's like you know it's not just like but scabs bruises and the the ultimate is if you get your the wind knocked out of you as an adult just like put a bullet in you the it's it's terrifying it hurts so much shoveling every year you shovel you'll get the wind yeah but with that i think like fall on your back have you had that like a where you hit on your back and your ribs go like i never i'm sure like playing like football like oh you never even had that i don't think because it was always hockey going to the corners right or shoveling are like the two i remember so you're getting it from the front i i have fallen off like the jungle gym and like land flat like on your back right there where your lungs are and it just

and it feels like it's like john snow i think that's why i have such a fine relationship with death is i made my peace with it a hundred times as a child you almost died i'd be laying on the ice being like this is it like i'm gonna die now i i can't i physically cannot breathe i've been looking up at my dad like this guy's gonna see me die right now i watched a video clint malarchuk the other day talking about on chicklets if you don't know clint malarchuk is a goalie for the sabers don't look it up um he caught a skate to the throat in the 70s maybe it is one of the craziest videos ever the amount of blood just starts spartan immediately and luckily the vietnam i'm sorry the med tech was a vietnam vet and so he knew how to heal combat wounds i was thinking

about that because like if you're just your regular emt you're probably like give me some tampons and that scene that video is worse than movies yeah like the amount of blood is like i don't know how he survived man that is he said he's because i just saw the clip but he said because he was a med tech which i'd heard before that if he wasn't a vietnam vet it was over yeah and second if it was that if happened on the other end of the ice because he got right to the zamboni door right away that like five seconds it took to get the other end would have but he's he was saying that he he like he knew his mom was watching the game on TV,

and he's like, I just got to get off the ice. I can't have her see me die. My mom die, yeah. And that's what I was referencing there. What do you think you do? He said he prayed. No, no, no, the tech. Oh, he reached his hand in.

This is what I've heard. I don't think he said it in the clip. He reached his hand in and grabbed the jugular. Because I was going to say almost like black hawk down and when they get go in there and they get the fuck whatever the jugular version of the one in the leg is yeah you just gotta close it and like he like reaches his hand but then doesn't that like you know what i mean like i don't know i feel like your veins would like explode or something yeah yeah right it's like it's like you know oh my god i can't imagine just be like hang on buddy

i'm going in and then you're probably just like all right we're gonna hold this, you know, oh, my God, I can't imagine. Just be like, hang on, buddy. I'm going in. And then you're probably just like, all right, we're going to hold this till, you know. I don't know. We get the ambulance. Fucking hope I don't get a cramp. If I get a cramp, I murder this guy. And then, like, okay, let's say we get to the doctor. It's like, one, two, three, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crazy, crazy. You ever had a near-death experience, Nate? Or what is your closest to death experience i always think about this one time when i was 16 just got my driver's license and i drove um chevy cavalier it's like this it was like this teal two-door chevy cavalier and i'm driving up my asian video game designer you had a teal teal two-door it was like dog you were getting pushed like 2200 a teal two-door yeah that's like a like a rap lyric like a teal two-door and i was trying to change the cd uh you know take one in take one out and i just wasn't looking at the road and it

was like it was a residential road 25 miles per hour and I was just veering to the left to the left to the left and a car I mean, I can see it in my head I must have been six inches away from a speeding car. 100% my fault too. Just like my life flashed before my eyes and I don't know how we didn't hit each other.

We were both being reckless as hell. He was speeding, I was in the left lane. I was in the left lane in the wrong way i was just quite literally going against traffic it's crazy that we had 16 year olds right i mean it was like it was a sliding doors moment yeah for me where it's like i like I still think about that moment all the time how I mean let's talk about you know turn my head an inch to the left

or whatever it was like that was that I don't know how we didn't hit each other one time I was in St. Lucia and we my all my families came together we rented like this major villa at the top top top I think like the highest point of St. Lucia the island and so we had had to drive golf carts kind of back and forth because it was so high.

And we had locals that ran a system where they would drive you. And I don't think we were in any danger because these locals are like, God, I'd like that. Jesus Christ, my phone won't fucking stop. That's what mine did last time. I kept thinking that was mine. Oh, I have a story. I've told it before very similar to yours what you're about to tell um but this guy so he was like turning around and he so he like backed up and we like i was hanging over a cliff

like i was sitting in the back just kind of like facing the back and the wheels went like over the edge and i was like oh and i don't even think he that was cared or probably did it on purpose and i was like the rest of the way i was like that was us on the oar tour bus we've told this story on kfc radio before but it was the place in california is called mountain winery and it's a vineyard on the top of a mountain with a concert pavilion and when i was on tour with oar taking the tour bus down the mountain, we skidded off the road. And we were basically dead. That's a great Nate story.

That you were on tour with OAR. Who, by the way, are going to be on the show in probably two weeks? No, next week. Next week. They have a new song. I don't even know if I'm supposed to say who's on it but it's a very no no no it's public okay that dj premiere on an oar song is like a song that i think only like i thought only my brain would create like i have no idea how it happened why it happened i can't wait to find out the reasons but that is unbelievable so cool um

yeah that was one of your magic carpet ride neat periods. That was one of your... As we know, that's what you do. You magic carpet ride and you bomb. You carpet ride and you carpet bomb. And the latest you were on, I would say, probably maybe your greatest carpet ride. Up there.

Top five. Top five for sure. What would you say are your best carpet rides or at least one other that you what was the one right before what was the the uh the roast you were pretty that was i think that is the number one that one was more like my nails now the roast at the the award show is like here's the 10 years of my career culminating culminating i think that's a pretty big one though barstool is such an important part of all of our lives to have a culminating

moment that you can pinpoint that's a pretty big one the poker thing is more like a fulfilling life thing where it's like i've always wanted to cash the main event of the wsop and then i did it so it's like wow i did it like that but that's like not work related that's more just like life fulfillment well i think that's almost better like affirmation in a way it's like oh cool like something i've cared about and worked at for you know a long time not how many people in that it was the biggest one ever this year's uh 10 100 something and you finished 700 7 17 top 10 percent top 15 yeah top 15, yeah. Top 15. Top 15% make the money. It's pretty.

So, I mean, it's not like, you know, 717th isn't, you know, great. $10 million for first. Would you say that it's the 10,000 best players in the world or no? No, I wouldn't say that. It's like there's other people out there who just weren't. Yeah, of course. Are all the best players in the world in it? The majority, I would say, are, yeah.

But, I mean, it's a big world with you know casinos everywhere you know a lot of people don't come over from like japan and you know europe and stuff like that that's like but a ton of them do like oh i think you're saying like do asian people don't participate no no no no they're the best so like is this a clean up yeah that's what i'm saying if they weren't coming then what are we even doing yeah is that the equivalent of like the world baseball classic where it's like yeah but not really or is it like this is the i mean the super bowl it's the super bowl for sure like people who don't go there i'm sure they have their reasons travel whatever but everybody everybody who you've heard of and like all the just absolute like sickos and best players in the world for the most part are

there poker is i i love and i hate poker because i i think when everybody went through the poker phase i think it's awesome i love it and i don't know i'm sure i think everybody everybody to a man mostly men i'm sure some girls do it but they still to this day probably have their poker phase but i think our poker phase was when the world was having a poker yes you know because if you're like 60 or you're like 10 in the what early 2000s late 90s when espn started to cover we were we were young and betting and drinking and playing games you know what i mean so it was like our um age period to be interested in that

was when the world decided they were going to be interested in it. It's like how sports betting is now. Like everybody, all the college kids were doing it. Yes. It just replaced like parlays with home poker games.

But you know what? That's such a good example because I also think it shows how quickly phases happen now. The sports gambling, there was a year where every single thing you ever. The sports gambling, there was a year where every single thing you ever saw was sports gambling.

Now I never see it again. I'm sure it'll ramp up come college football season and NFL, but I've noticed distinctively how little I see on Twitter. Maybe it's because I've just blocked all the accounts. Yeah, because I think it's still out there, but I know what you mean. It's hot, it's hot. Now all the ads I are like anti-fauci but i'm dead serious every ad is like

what's funny about that is it's sort of like how all your favorite bands are now back on tour and selling out poker's never been bigger because everybody our age that grew up with it now has money to do it now waste on it so it was like it was way more mainstream during moneymaker and those couple years after but the fields at the world series and worldwide have never been bigger than they are right now that's interesting i i love you it was like a i'm sure every town was the same it was a big thing. Yeah. I mean,

every town made like their little, you know, I had the briefcase. My buddy had like a table in the bay. I got, I wasn't allowed to play. I got banned from playing because you ruined the table, right?

Cause I would ruin the table. I'm sure if I played against people who know how to play, I would not do well. But like, I was like Brett Favre playing poker. I was like, I don't care who catches this ball, but I'm throwing it.

Well, that is the thing too, is like, there was always the guy playing right. And then there was the guy who was like, I't really care like i'll go all in we're trying to learn the game i'm like all in but i mean i remember trying to learn how to uh play with the chips and fucking shuffle yeah roll them yeah roll them put put them like the stack two stacks together they just they did such a good job on espn with the whole like just packaging it and

just all of it it's a very cool thing to watch because of like the you you know you seeing the cards and the percentages yeah in real time and then sometimes they hide them the cards right so you don't know what's going on they did such a good job with the production now it's more like it's all behind a paywall basically now on poker go where like the main event's going on right now they're down to three people and it's all behind a paywall and then later they chop it up and they make it at like two in the morning on a network called cbs sports which exists on like 12 televisions and so like espn doesn't want it anymore it's it sucks though right because like online is only legal in five states so without that money it like full tilt poker stars you just dominate you know everybody had the

patches on and all that stuff none of that exists anymore so the what is the argument for having because sports gambling is legal in more than five states why can you do sports gambling you're not online poker take it up with your congressman man it makes zero especially because poker at the end of the day is skill-based and yeah it's probably the most and least of gambling right and the lottery is just the lottery and well but so that's what that's why i have the love hate with it because it became very like on the brett farve and you know like you you know people you either became like obsessive and it's like oh well we can't just like play now because you're like a freak yeah or it's so bad now it's it's like a whole different game than what you even know really so there's things called

solvers which are basically like it's a computer program where it shows you what you should do optimally with like every hand with every bet sizing on every flop you know there's thousands of combos of all this and people study this shit non-stop it's so complex and the really good players are just like maniac smart and they understand all this stuff it the game's really really really hard to me like the it's about bluffing and yeah and all that no i mean i missed that i mean i still kind of play that way like street poker back when it was like poker was poker now like you have to you don't have to be but the the elite elite elite players who dave thought he could beat in the 250k well so that brings us to this you are it's two different

games what dave thinks poker is isn't what it is it's so hard now you said the twenty thousand dollar heads up thing is gonna happen right it should yeah i i can't put words in dave's mouth but you've been pushing for this for a while initially you wanted it was dave's idea from the beginning 10 years ago he floated the idea 10 years ago i accepted and he's been dodging me for 10 years and dave dave's response to that is like i'm too rich well i'm running no no no but he's also like we talk about this like every now and then it's not like i'm thinking about this every single night that i wake up yeah i mean but but yeah you know it has popped up enough that i think it's either time to do it or not um and but now it's gonna be straight. No odds, no 10 to 1, no nothing. It's just 20K.

20K, which I'm fine with. He's trying to, which makes sense. He wants any edge he can get because he originally did offer me odds. It was his idea to do the heads up match and get the odds. I think that would make it a little more interesting because 20K is too little for Dave.

Yeah, but now he's also so... Yeah. I was going to say, you guys could play for nothing and dave would be as excited and as into it as you know he will be for 20 as he will be for 200 as he will be for 2 million because it's just about like if the dog beats dave dave will do that thing where he like smirks he's like on the inside he's like you know yeah so he's trying to get any edge by saying i can't you know sell pieces to anybody, which is fine, and that he won't give me five to one anymore.

I mean, at this point, you could put up 20. Right. I mean, it's still more than I'd like to put up, obviously. But back then, it was outside the realm of possibility. Exactly. Now you can do it. And he's worth just infinite. Like, oh, another high noon can just got sold into his pocket.

So it's annoying that he's good at poker i would guess not i don't know i don't think i've heard dave mentioned poker aside from i bet he did it like you know i'm sure he has is the word like innate like i'm sure he has like natural feel for it but there's i just have i mean tens hundreds of thousands of more hands played than he's ever played like the experience factor alone and just yeah but here's the thing i'm betting on dave i mean that's foolish is it though is it though it truly is foolish you know what it's like you know it would also be foolish to bet that, you know, the Patriots are going to win seven Super Bowls and it just happens, you know?

It's different. Dave's not. It would be foolish to bet that, you know, Dave would get his company back for a dollar. John, what about you? You're on my side of this? No, I'm on your side, but I also, I think you will win, but also I don't think it's, oh, you have a 10% Dave? I don't understand poker, but I know Dave can just go all in

and you call him and you lose. Right. I said it yesterday. Dave can win. Obviously, it's poker. If skill was everything, Phil Ivey would win every single tournament he entered. Unfortunately, skill isn't everything. Dave can get aces when I have kings and hold, or vice versa.

He can have kings, I have aces, flop a king, win. So I think if he wins, it will be skill-based if he wins. Maybe luck is involved? Of course it is. But the good player... Would you say that Dave has good luck? I don't know. Do you think that your skill is able to overcome Dave's deal with the devil?

It should, yes. You are as good as a poker player as the devil is at being the devil. Because that's what you're talking about here. I should win, yes. Like, it shouldn't be an issue at all. So you're saying you are just going to fucking dog walk this guy. You're saying he's out of here. Yeah.

You're done. Yeah. I don't know what kind of structure he wants to do, yeah like he should not i mean you know like how deep staff do you start got it yeah yeah what kind of just like format we're gonna be playing but yeah no this level of confidence you have was absent five minutes ago because like the 20k it should be like 100k who cares there's no chance well it's dude i wasn't even gonna play the main event and that's only 10k and the main event's like the only thing that i like because i'm so scared about money that i'm just like terrified to spend money and so like if ben mince wasn't like such a drug addict and wanted to go to the sphere so badly

i just love throwing that out but yeah no ben mince wanted to go to the sphere to see a concert so he punted the main event and then big cat that's crazy yeah he just torched and then big cat just didn't even i got put in such a corner by big cat where he didn't like text me he just like quote tweeted mint saying like i'm out and goes i need nate to go play so i was at the gym blasting chest and then i get back to the apartment my apartment you know to whip up a protein shake and then uh i checked twitter and i'm like getting the notifications like scrolling i'm like what's what's happening and so i texted big cat i was like what's happening right now he goes mince busted can you go play it's like well

like the whole thing was like i wasn't gonna play because i'm so scared to spend money and so i called him he goes well i'll take whatever percent and we worked that out the irony is like i could have he ended up taking 60 and i had 40 uh i could have done that at any time like you can sell pieces of yourself easily sure i just didn't i just had like made peace with not playing and then i was like well now i have to because it'd be awesome like you know to why were you not playing just because you're why are you so worried about money yeah because i'm i don't i you know you have nothing to worry about it's fucking with me right now the whole concept of money is really like fucking with me right now sticking to that i thought you have a bitcoin bro yeah you have your bitcoin i have bitcoin you make more money than you've ever made. And you have no bills. Yeah, but I'm also a blogger.

You have no bills. Like, I'm a blogger, though. That doesn't... I mean, bloggers stopped being a thing a decade ago. Did your paycheck stop being a thing? But it could and should at any moment. It could. It should.

It won't. Dude, I made a TikTok yesterday. That's how scared I am about this shit. I mean, you're... That's how scared I am about this shit. I mean, that's crazy. I'm terrified. Okay. You have nothing to pay for except for your food, rent, and utilities. Kevin, look.

I'm 35 years old. Retirement's not until 65. So, yes, if you have money, you can retire early. Sure. But then you're at the mercy of the the markets and then you have to also pay for like your own health care and all that stuff it's terrifying to me because like dave already showed when he sold the company for 500 mil and bought it back for one and gave me nothing that like i'm not a priority at this company i think there is value in what i do with like just battling

him and like just well so i feel like uh at least you were under the impression this latest go-round with dave was a big one on a name on unnamed i texted you yeah like i think that i think he was a little peeved at me because usually i'll stay in kayfabe and do that and i just called him out for like just a lot of his nonsense yeah and i don't think he loved that i was gonna say i feel like your relationship has like it used to be funny it's i feel like there's there's actual dislike now it's like when the play fight with your brother between both of you yeah it's like the play fight turns real it's like oh you got a little stronger now it's hard now we have to actually play yeah but except it's like he's not really strong enough yeah no it's more just like he doesn't want to get under his skin it's more like just getting older not wanting to be just like walked on by enough like when i was 25 it's like haha kind of stuff now it's just like i don't know dude i'm a full-ass adult at this point like now it's just

kind of weird you did he say something like after words you just got the vibe that during that appearance during that argument like oh this is he's not liking this during i listened to some of it and i thought he was kind of like i mean he so dave did proclaim nate a bad guy he was like he's a bad person like that's his new phrase he's a bad he's a bad guy personality of a man now it's bad guy manipulative manipulative and like uh mean and he's a bad guy which i don't know where that comes from i wouldn't say you're a bad guy right but i know but i know what so when i get what he's saying when you do like the the video where you're very genuine and and uh you know very heartfelt but then like two weeks from now you might be like francis you're the dumbest fucking

piece of shit blogger on this fucking site and it's like well you know so i i get that when it's like the switch up all of a sudden it's like you're the junkyard dog to being like the you know there are certain people if if uh if clem made a video being like i i just had my dream come true guys like this was amazing everybody be like that everybody loved clem you know it's a great moment. And they don't have to worry about Clem turning around and maybe proclaiming, you know, nobody here works. That's also just like the Nate Dog difference, too.

Now it's like Jekyll and Hyde. So Nate Dog, like TM, a little trademark. How much of that is kayfabe? That's the gray area that we've been tiptoeing through forever. None of that is kayfabe. He's got a full Heisenberg. No, it's for sure kayfabe. Bullshit.

It's when you genuinely think. But when you can feel the ball rolling and it picking up momentum and you just dive it. It's very easy to do. It's like getting on other people's skin. It's so easy to do that when you see an opportunity, sometimes you just kind of have to take it. But you know what's even easier than not getting under people's skin? To shut the fuck up and say nothing.

Yeah, but also like... But he likes to. But also like I do get there is value in the job out of it. Yeah. Well, that is his job security. Right. If Nate stops doing the Nate dog... Remember you did that last time with Dave, right? Where you got in a fight with Dave and you walked off the rundown set and you're like good for another year yeah

but but when you're doing that you're not lying everything you're saying you mean and believe they call it a shoot like it's like you're it's like seeing punk sitting down on the ramps the famous like shoot interview or promo where it's like those were down on the ramps, the famous shoot interview or promo. I thought those were pipe bombs. Pipe bomb, same thing. Shoot is when they're like, hey, what was so-and-so behind stage or backstage? And they're like, that guy's the worst. Pipe bomb, same type of thing where it's just like a promo, but it's

honest as hell. Yeah, you're always cutting on his promos. So I get, I understand what he's saying. It's a little bit like, there are certain people who can do the heartfelt stuff and then other people if they're doing the heartfelt stuff and you don't really think of them that way it's like oh this is gross

I do like keeping people guessing too like how much is real and how much isn't and then like cause sometimes it'll be real as hell and I won't you know won't talk to that person ever again and then sometimes we'll like text after and be like that was funny and like it'll be real as hell. And I won't, you know, won't talk to that person ever again. And then sometimes we'll like text after, be like,

that was funny. It'll be like all good. I think it's pretty real. But you also, you have a, an ability. Like I've, I've heard you say,

and people you've fought with say like, I'm done with them forever. And then like a week later, I'll come into the office and you guys will be fine. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I mean,

I like, if I'm done, I usually done. Done.'m just i don't have any enemies at the moment maybe just dave but like i'm definitely dave yeah but he's you know off yeah and whatever uh yeah no i'm cool with everybody but like at the drop of the hat it could be somebody because people are just so stupid kevin like this is where who specifically nah like this is where though you know you'll call somebody stupid and then also be like like celebrate me and my my dream come true guys you know yeah i can hold the fuck you have two different that you can feel fulfilled and approved like the support i got for that run was like unbelievable you know

besides dave like everybody like yeah the people who were winning was your biggest fan right uh The support I got for that run was unbelievable. Besides Dave, everybody. Yeah, Ryan Whitney was your biggest fan, right? No, I just mean on Twitter. Whitney, yeah, but it's cool. I was sitting there like, is this how Big Cat and Nick Turani just always feel? People just like them every day. I cannot even fathom. Nick must be annoyed.

Be like, stop being so fucking nice to me. The only thing that I can even, the only way that I can even just basically continue living my life and wake up every morning to keep doing it is the only way I spin it is that if they do get some hate, it must rock their world because they're so used to the love. I'll take the love over the hate every day though let me tell you that i remember a former when some people would be like

you know like okay i love the hate or like i you know so a former employee who i'm not gonna say their name tweeted one time like hate views are all the same and i was like no they're not like you want people to like you and like the product you're making now there is some truth to like but i'll take your views and like if i get a million hate views i'm still gonna get my paycheck i'm still gonna get you know all that but internally and like emotionally and just logically unless you're like a character who is trolling and you're that was your intention which is already like i don't even know if i believe that you know yeah you want to be loved i i remember like particularly like earlier days i think dave would always throw out the reggie jackson line like they

don't boo nobody's yeah i think dave also like kind of made a thing like he liked the hate yeah and i was always like is that real because it takes a very specific kind of person to enjoy being i think he i don't know he's close but like but then because obviously and it's it's a natural progression but like so many people at barstool grew up with dave and want to be like dave that people come in like that and i think you learn pretty quickly like i don't want to be yeah and and i think also yeah i love hey fuck you fuck you like dude i just can we just fucking get this day over with and you guys don't be mean to me that'd be great well dave also had the unprecedented run whether it's luck or i also think for him it's a little bit of skill because

he's very good at debating he only really goes to war when he's in the right or he has the evidence or he has the receipts or whatever so he wins a lot of the battles so it's like when you get a lot of hate but you come out on top then it's pretty awesome yeah it's when you're losing and you don't and you don't have the money and you don't have the the the number one views you don't you know whatever then it's just like well this is the hate is just like people telling me that i suck and i kind of do so this sucks you know but if you if you can i can understand uh it's like you know reggie miller being like i like to play on the road like i want yeah because he would hit the shot yeah yeah right because you're fucking yeah yeah if you're not

who doesn't play on the road brian scalabrine perfect lovely lovely now like but you can make you can get thick skin and you can uh and you can like toughen up and be like the hate it's not gonna stop me it's not gonna bother me and maybe even weaponize it a little bit being like i'm gonna prove you wrong or whatever yeah but if i could sign for all that stops and people just are nice to me yeah i imagine imagine imagine that i imagine everybody starts liking me and i'm sitting there like oh man i don't have any haters to prove wrong but haters are my marketing team people say shit like that it's like again there is some truth to it sometimes but it's not wrong. What? But haters are my marketing team. People say shit like that. It's like, again, there is

some truth to it sometimes, but it's not like your desire or your... No, I'd rather make stuff for the people that like me. Bro, did you see MrBeast hit 300 million subscribers? What's that guy's deal? 100 million. I mean, that was the country of America

in the early 2000s like the whole fucking united states was about that 300 million people subscribe to your channel i mean that's like sickening yeah that's like it's like no one man should have that power you know he put together something but also despite i think just the way the world is like i know what mr beast looks like now but for a long time you can have 300 million subscribers and I would like I think Mr. Beast can walk down Fifth Avenue

I know what you're saying Mr. Beast could show up my mom has no idea who he is. If Mr. Beast went on television and said like hi my name's what's his name Ryan I think whatever and just said his real name instead I think those are kind of things. If he announces where he is, then it's a problem.

They know where to go. I think Mr. Beast can just walk out and live a life. He can't. He's just too famous. I don't think he could. He's the weirdest type of famous where we don't know his real name. Maybe I don't. I think we do know his real name.

I don't. I'm saying it's not a secret. It's out there. It's weird that he's that Maybe I don't. But also, I think we do know this guy. He probably... We don't? I don't. He could walk down Fifth Avenue. I'm saying it's not a secret. It's out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just don't know it. But it's weird that he's that mega famous, but also we don't know much about him. Yeah.

But he cannot walk down the street. But we're also kind of in that world of like... I bet he flies crap everywhere. Yeah, Jimmy Donaldson. Yeah. Well, he also bought a neighborhood, I think in Michigan. It's like his whole operation. He bought houses for people. So he almost has like... He has a i think he's not a great guy like not a great guy that's

like he gives like blind people eyes and he gives water to like the starving thirsty people and every time he does anything people are just like this guy's the worst doing it for reviews yeah bad guy just like yeah i'm out on this guy uh but i mean 300 million is like is a level of like his name is jimmy yeah jimmy donaldson that makes sense he doesn't get jimmy he's a big sub guys you know old guy 28 30 26 oh fuck him i thought he was at least gonna be like 30 something where it's like born and i had i had a few years where i was scraping and nothing and then it blew up like he's an industry plant that's an born and i had i had a few years where i was scraping and nothing and then it blew up like he's an industry plant that's an industry plan 300 million followers by 26 i

think some like venture venture capital something or other tried to buy mr beast enterprises i would like a bill i well i would probably sell for a billion anything else i mean i guess at that point maybe i wouldn't but because it's like i'm already making all the money i want and i really don't want you to control what i do but you know it's like snapchat when they've turned down like actually i don't know i remember saying snapchat turning down a billion was stupid and i think for a time it was and now i don't know if it is yeah sure i'm sure they're doing just fine but that's one of my worst age blogs where uh snap someone tried to snap buy snapchat for i think it was like 20 million and i was like oh text messages that disappear good luck buddy and it was just like cubans coming

for that ass cyber dust but now his name's evan something or other and he's married to what olivia munn or no no john mulaney's married to olivia munn who is john mulaney all right snapchat's married to um serena williams no no that's right snapaney's married to olivia mom who is john mulaney all right snapchat's married to um it's one of the williams no no that's right that's married to she's a model olivia rodrigo no olivia you wanna get on this dude i've been watching this kind of uh connects here i've been watching silicon valley just because i've watched all my shows so many times and for i first of all I forgot that was Jack doesn't know what to type

Snapchat Steve the moment's gone I forgot how that show did six seasons I watched two of them six? yeah I don't remember six six is a long fucking time

like Veep did six seasons Silicon Valley did six seasons. Yeah. Silicon Valley did six? No, they weren't short. They're all ten. She actually put Snapchat Steve's wife. It's like a Victoria's Secret model. This is where I'm telling you my brain's gone. What are you doing, dude?

Steve Moy wife? The fuck is happening? Snapchat founder wife. His name's not Steve. Steve's the guy who works here. I can see her face. I know this girl. His name's Evan.

Miranda Kerr. I can see that face. This is how I know. Yo, I think I'm conservative now. I think I'm a full-blown Republican after the assassination. Welcome to the club, brother. I'm starting to think that my my memory and my memory went because of the vaccine i think the vaccine and my skin not being able to go out in the in the sun um is and i'm joking about that but i did think to myself you really are uh you are a type of person who either like

looks for those things and says those things or not like like if my body just like stops working i just be like vaccine this i'm getting old and this shit sucks i wouldn't be like did i take the vaccine did i take this did i take that i'm not gonna attribute it to anything other than like i suck yeah 100 so these people who are like i have long covid or vaccine or anything that's like i'm blaming this this, so I'm suing for that. It's just like, if my lungs go or my brain goes or something, I'd just be like, I am not good. Yeah, anything that happens to me or I did was my fault.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sure these doctors are like, no, it's from mesothelioma. All of you have it because of this shit. But I was thinking, I was like, everything just went to shit a couple years ago. Yeah. Fauci!

I started working out because everything I read was like, you know, all, every old person who can't, you know, sit on the floor, play with their grandkids, every old person can't walk anymore. They all regret not taking better care of themselves. So after five years of not taking care of myself, I was like, I day becomes day one yeah day yeah that's it one day or day one and so where'd you read that uh it's just what us gym junkies say you're the worst you're the worst bro so i started working out and eating super healthy and now it's like i've replaced you know food i like and getting high and laying on the couch with taking better care of myself.

Did you really, though? I'm just sore every day. I love it. Yeah, I'm addicted to it. But the downside is I don't eat any ice cream or good food or anything that I like. So you hate that. I'm super healthy, though. Super ripped.

Yeah, no, I mean, good for you. You're doing it big, man. That's great. When are you going to join me? I mean, I've been saying I have to for like 30 years. Toss some plates around with me. Toss some plates around. I got the trainer doing band work, resistance stuff.

You're going to work out with John? John loves a workout partner. If there's one thing John wants, it's someone to be with him at the gym. I wanted to to and he worked out no no he loves it he loves it he wants to commute there and back with you and he wants to work out with you and he wants to talk during for sure the only place you can be left alone that's why you're so yeah it's like nobody can talk to dude the when nate came for nate came up to my parents' house for Fourth of July week,

and we did work out at one point. Well, the first time I was like really looking forward to like getting in the garage. It was the most Nate work. The final word garage with Nate, dog. I can't believe you didn't film that. So mad at you. You must have hated it. No, it was fine.

Was it just you guys or was it like your dad involved? No, just us. Oh, if your dad had to work out with Nate, that would have been great. No, it was fine. Was it just you guys or was it your dad involved? No, just us. If your dad had to work out with Nate, that would have been great. Why are you making it too? Your dad's hitting the fucking heavy bag. My dad likes to work out. I can see that. My dad likes to work out.

We were working out and then Nate was like, what did you tell me? You're like, I think you're doing those reps. What an overreaction. You're like, you're not even taking breaks. I don't know if that's smart and i was like maybe a few pointers dude his workout routine made no sense let me give you a few pointers man chiseled from stone no as i'm doing my yellow bands because they're so you know you're making it seem way worse than it was did you or not it was you or did you not tell me you're doing it too fast?

I was asking, do you not take breaks between sets? Because I'd never seen anybody... Was there potentially a tone of... No, it was more like, whoa. You don't take any breaks? Well, then I think you need to work on your delivery because if I know John, he's probably ready to throw those dumbbells

at your fucking head. I've been thinking about it for three weeks. I was like... No. Just let me work about it for three weeks. I was like, oh my God. Just let me work out in peace, please. No, that wasn't what I was implicating at all. I apologize if it came off differently. But I was more just stunned.

Like, oh, wow. Like, just all gas, no brakes, huh? I'd never seen anything like that before. That also does not surprise me at all. I could just see him just like nonstop move every direction. What it was. I was like, you don't want to breathe her. No,

but he doesn't need oxygen. It was wild. I'd never. Yeah. I went to the, the fights gym and it was great. Just got a nice little pump in. Um,

so who do you think, uh, tried to assassinate Donald Trump? I mean, I need Dante was here Dante was here and you didn't have him on which I think is a huge slap in the face I was not in yesterday but I did I tweeted you know

once I knew you know the marksmanship thing you told me and then I heard that they found like no trace of anything about Trump on his computer and I was like my tinfoil hat is starting to go up and I heard that they found no trace of anything about Trump on his computer. And I was like, my tinfoil hat's starting to go up. And I tweeted that right away. I got a text.

Are you in the office? I'm flying to New York. And I said, I'm not doing a show with your crazy ass. I do think some things are fishy, but I'm not going down the rabbit hole with you. And he texted me. He said, like, LOL. He's like, fine, but at least you're starting to ask the right questions and think the right way. Dante, I feel bad saying this not in front of him.

Kind of. He is. It actually. So this is. We did a show together yesterday. And he is the, like, that's phrasing right there. Like, at least you're finally starting to ask the right questions. There was, when I was in middle school.

Okay. Bear with me on this. When I was in middle school there were about eight goths in school goths yeah yeah okay and they all had the same shirt that said you're all the same all of them had it must have been a hot topic shirt and it would piss me off to no end because i was like no we're actually all a little different yeah and we all have our own fucking clothes and but there's there's we're all sane but we're all a little different yeah whereas we all have our own fucking clothes and but there's there's we're all sane but we're all a little different yeah whereas dante's one is just like i'm gonna go the extremist way and think exactly what they think and i'm gonna call everyone else people who don't

think right like no you're just thinking i can predict what you're gonna fucking think right right yeah i mean it you could that's the worst thing that you can have when you're talking about these type of topics. It's like if I already know what you're going to say, when especially if something like that, he's just going to say inside job, government, whatever it is, though, if it's just like I know two or three of your policies and now we bring up abortion and I already know what you're going to say. That's not good. You know what I mean? Like you should at least have a chance that it's like let tell me what you think it's like you don't need to tell me what you think i'll tell you what you think is in a pickle right now because half of him is saying inside job and then half of him is saying political violence which completely

contradict each other yeah it's either like a rogue crazy person or a setup and he's kind of saying it's both right now but then i did ask him yesterday all right if it's either like a rogue crazy person or a setup and he's kind of saying it's both right now but then i did ask him yesterday all right if it's an inside job which side is it is it deep state republican or like the biding crew trying to take him out he goes i don't know man yeah well he did say to me he said i don't know but something stinks the high i'll say i did read a tweet this morning where it's like five foot ladder, but drove like a Toyota Corolla. How did he get the ladder in there? Good point.

Very good point. I think it is kind of crazy that there's no signs of him. Like, I just don't think a 20 year old even. It's like, I don't know. You were a kid when all this was happening. You couldn't even vote. So here's the question for the deep state. Well, through history.

Like, why would you guys be told everything? Yeah. Like, right. Well, sure. But I think that they're. Like, why would they be honest about that? I agree. I think it would be weird to.

We're going to lie about everything, but here's all the real stuff we just found on his computer. Now, here's the thing. There's a. The biggest. Now, the biggest shooting. Why would you publicly say there was no, nothing found on his computer? Well, I think there really was nothing found on his computer well i think there was i think there really was nothing found on his computer that would be so weird you don't think that like when you everybody

does everything digitally that there would be no you wouldn't have any like it's like tweets or posts or like stuff happens every day yeah yeah like even just like when you gotta figure out how to you know like get your gun and how to fucking almost shoot your president. Yeah, when you watch TV shows like The Boys in Homeland, like, all that behind-the-scenes When the assassination happened, I was thinking the boys, Seth Rogen and them are fucking writing another, it's becoming like Veep, but it's crazy that a superhero show is now a reality.

There's always reasons that are so above what our little peasant brains can even process that it might just not even be worth like telling us because so many like just so many things that we can't even comprehend happen every day to keep the world well that's like the you know a few good men like you want me on the wall, you need me on the wall while you're at your parties. I do think I'm at a point where I'm like, I don't trust anything ever. And that might come across crazy. I do think there was probably some fishy shit going on. I just don't know what it was.

I think you'd be silly not to have those thoughts. Like, just take everything at face value is kind of strange to me because... That's you, right? Yeah. But do you do that because you're like you actually believe it or because you're just like i don't know the answer i'm not going to figure out the answer i'm not going to stress over this so i'm just going to say okay it's a it's in the middle yeah it i think by and large 99 of the people i interact with are truthful

and honest and i think that's a good sample size. Yeah, but that's at this level. At government assassination levels, stuff is much different. Yeah, but people are people. I think there are six kinds of people. We've met them all. They're all here. I feel like in my regular life, yes, but I feel like in public life. But I think that's the kind of stuff.

I think that's what regular people tell ourselves. But we know. It's like you just believe in religion. But that's not kind of stuff like i think that's what regular people tell ourselves to but we know it's like it's like you just believe in religion but that's not true though john because there's documented cia operative on the record like stuff you know anti-american stuff like schemes that assassination attempts all that by the cea so when people are like like dante or like well cia cia probably did this there's also stuff to kind of back him up that they are capable of this type of thing no it's happened before yeah so i don't think it's silly to consider this i don't think it's outlandish to think silly yeah a little bit you do i also don't bother i care. I think it's actually more likely to say that somebody was either framing or influencing or manipulating rather than just like a 20-year-old kid went rogue and did this. Yeah, maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe. I don't know. It just feels like 5 foot ladder Toyota Corolla it doesn't add up it doesn't add up that was the one that got me I was like where did he put that ladder

I don't know maybe it collapsed to a smaller ladder crawling up on a roof a tin roof that makes a bunch of noise I don't know well he didn't do it stealthily yeah it's like he got caught he just didn't get caught or did they they let him do it that's what they're saying it's like there's no who's that cop though secret service did that cop tell the

secret service saying they let him do it people are saying like it was so unstealth that it's literally impossible for the secret service to have not been aware of it so they were in on it or whatever. It does kind of feel that way, to be honest. So the Secret Service, ordered by Joe Biden. Or by CIA. Or government agencies we don't even know about. So Biden can stay in power.

Or purposely didn't kill him to get him the win. That's why Dante doesn't know which side it is. Did they purposely not kill him to get the very win that's why dante doesn't know which side it is did they purposely not kill him to get the very very nicely not staged american flag in the background fist pumping blood people are all saying this i'm not but he was like how did you think they just murdered those two people like those are like for the greater perfect picture you know like stuff like that but the dead people are just for the greater good but like no one asked how did you take such a perfect picture every other time a perfect picture is taken? Well, here's the thing. Well, because they're staged, John.

No, like a hockey game. There's like, holy shit, how'd you get that fucking picture? Right, because they have a guy in the glass prepared to take that picture. Yeah, like you have a rally. Nobody was supposed to be prepared to take the assassination picture.

There's a fucking pit of photographers at every rally. And one guy knew. So, yeah, I mean, I also do think like, yeah, people... If you're a photographer during gunfire, and I don't doubt that they would do this because they're sick. Like, I gotta get the shot. Yeah. They're crazy.

It's like being war journalists. I mean, you didn't see the video footage? He's being carried away after being shot. And they're all chasing after him. Yeah, I know. Even the crowd cheering. I'm one of those guys who get a good picture. Gotta get those likes up. Pulitzer Prize, probably.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't see any... I don't think Dante's crazy for being crazy about this one. We're losing him. We're losing everybody at this goddamn office. I did a podcast with Dante yesterday. It's him and Tommy. And the podcast was like... we're losing everybody in this goddamn office like I mean like we just I did a podcast

with Dante yesterday it's him and Tommy and the podcast was wait what podcast fucking bracket and it was like things we don't talk about enough

and it was like all this it's all anyone talks about all the topics thank god Marty was there to save the day

where it's like he had handles and I was like you you're right. We don't talk about handles. That's a fucking true one. Like inventing handles. He said, where would we be without handles?

I had one the other day. That's good. Fuck, what was it? Oh, I can't remember. But I remember being like, if this didn't exist, the whole world would spiral out of control. There's so many of those things we take for granted. Dude, my friend's job, he's an engineer. His job is just, he does faucets and

he just tries to improve the sink faucet that's his his entire he makes like you know six figures just works on faucets all day how can we improve a bathroom faucet that shit's more important to me than than the government make sure i'm comfortable or whatever um tell you what though what my man trump he's gonna just win all 50 what's that my man trump's gonna win all 50 well john john thinks it was too early thinks that by the time the election comes right it was too we're gonna forget about it i mean all first of all to be very clear obviously all of my opinions are biased and based in hope rather than anything else but i also the the platform first of all i

don't know why we're talking about this so long but i know i disagree this is a a big american like we are alive during an assassination like that's pretty wild this first like i feel like it's like the three of us trying to figure out how that camera works uh none of us know no but the um you're putting that on the same level as like of figuring out if the cia tried to but it's more interesting to talk conspiracy than tubes in a camera yeah um the uh yeah i don't i don't i don't know what's gonna win i think seven million votes is a big number to overcome and we'll just steal it anyway so yeah i would say yeah he still has the old steal the election in his back pocket um as of right now you can go watch i think right it'll

be out or is it released in the morning the tommy's video do we know i think he came out at three o'clock today today's wednesday so uh as of right now you can press pause on our show right here and head on over to the smokes channel where you can can see John Henry Feidelberg's stand-up debut. Well, Westchester Matt. Max, is it? Matt. Westchester Matt's stand-up debut. The acoustic guitar on the back was a great touch.

That was, I don't know who, Caroline or Tommy told me to do that. John did the Smoke Show where they've done it before with where other people write your material for you intentionally bad or stuff that that person really hates and doesn't enjoy and then they have to go up and do a full set. Tommy did it and

Tommy's already a douchebag so him just being a douchebag on stage, it was just a heightened version of him. Feidelberg, a few of us knew exactly what was going to happen, and it played out exactly that way. John is too funny and too god... You're going to hate this segment. I was going to say, I don't want to give it away. John is too funny and too goddamn likable.

He killed it. It fell off a cliff it the it was like fun and I think it went okay it went like I think it went great it went fine but it went great

but honestly that's worst case scenario because then it's like oh that was really funny well I didn't write any of it I mean it was it was it's better, oh, that was really funny. Well, I didn't write any of it. I mean, it was... It's better to do with pre-written, with written material for you. It's better to do bad than good because it's like, well, yeah, the guy who wrote it was funny. But that's not true, though, because there is something to the delivery of it. It was like the stage presence. Yes.

It's the aura. Everything, people just... Before you even start talking, people just want to laugh. I don't know. Again, this is the banana thing. This is mean. No, it's the aura. Before you even start talking, people just want to laugh. Again, this is the banana thing. This is mean. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's actually me.

You're just laughing at you. No, no, no, no, no. It's just like there are people who drag a room down, and there are people who brighten a room up. And it has nothing to do with what they say or do. It's just their presence presence the way they look the way they are i don't know it's some pheromones or some shit i don't know but it but it you got that and so and i think a lot of comedians like either have it or learn how to like project it

because there are times where comics are telling like pretty whatever jokes and the crowds are like roaring yeah because they just like want to have a good time and and all that and and i think There are times where comics are telling pretty whatever jokes, and the crowds are roaring because they just want to have a good time and all that. And I think you have that in spades. And I don't want to give it away because you should go watch it. But there was a point where afterwards, and I don't think this is in the video at all, there were dudes who saw you in the bathroom yeah who were like citing specific jokes you said being like that was awesome and they either were like

completely made no sense or bad jokes and or or they like analyzed it completely the wrong way like the joke was on them and they didn't realize it and it wasn't british people they're like foreigners like mate that was unbelievable it's like me and my co-workers are trying to do bad some of the jokes were legit too funny i said that i don't know if it's in the video like i said from the moment they handed me the script i was like this is funny yeah there's well also there's there's a little bit of a of bit of a problem with – there's two angles. They try to, like, make you intentionally bomb, but I also think they try to make you – it's like the Colin Jost and Michael Che thing where it's like, get you canceled, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But canceled jokes are usually the funny jokes.

Right. but cancel jokes are usually the funny jokes right and if you and if you have the aura that i'm talking about and you don't come across like a racist piece of shit or a fucking scumbag those punch lines end up being good yeah so like there was a couple racial jokes that were like that was fucking funny and so i think caroline and them and tommy were writing them to be like oh fuck this guy but if you deliver it right or the way westchester matt did uh it kind of is like that was clever you know they they when they presented me the the script or whatever you call it the set uh they're like you get three vetoes and i didn't have any vetoes i was all funny and they were like oh we thought you were gonna have at least like this one and i was like no those are the funniest ones.

Why would I veto those ones? Well, that's what I mean. I think they think of these things as like third rail. We don't talk about it. And I think people like me and you, whatever, are like, I don't give a fuck. It was like the red wine. Red wine was horrible. Red wine is so good. The guy who went on ABC.

ABC's a sophomoric, but very funny. There's like, you know, jokes can be dumb and funny they could be clever and funny they can be rude and not funny but they're rude so it's good like there's a lot of different ways that so i think some of those things they expected it to be like oh man like you're gonna come across looking like a like a misogynistic fucking white man like loser or whatever and it was like uh those are usually the comics that people laugh at yeah look around that plays pretty well p4 girls did leave after one of my jokes i forget which one i didn't see it live getting a couple walkouts for this what you're doing though it's kind of like the point it was hard like i did ask

tommy beforehand because you kind of just touched on it where I asked him, I said, am I supposed to bomb? Because I can go up there and bomb. Right. Or am I supposed to do as well as I can with this material? Right.

And he said, it's kind of in the middle somewhere. So I kind of... I thought you crushed it. It wasn't as character-y. Yeah, because if you wanted to bomb, you could just flub lines and not do punch lines.

Yeah, I could go and do donks. No, but that's what I mean. Your delivery... I i mean you were there you had one of the best sets of the night in my opinion like some some of it was really the guy after him was in hell this guy's been working on his craft for god knows how many years and he comes out he's like i don't know how to follow that that's just her burn the place down. You did deliver it really well. I mean, you just have to do stand-up, John.

You've got to do stand-up, right? I think you should. I did really like it. Steve, you have to do stand-up. I think that also the amount of times that it – you know how you have to spend years working and bombing and everything? I think that you could probably shave off three years because of the industry you're already in and another three years because, like, of your, like, you're just natural. Your natural disposition.

Yeah, yeah. I actually have always thought, like, the stage presence and bombing and all that, you do that, I think, is the main thing about cutting your teeth and getting up there and just getting over the fear and getting comfortable and all that but as far as material and shit like every single blog we've ever written is like an open mic you know set you know it needs to be massaged different ways and put into a better like but you could also you've done that you could also go on stage as westchester matt and just be a character no i'd hate that but like larry the cable guy made billions doing that okay if you if you could be larry the cable guy level success of course you had to be i think

of course he would i would say i would say no in a hundred percent i i would bet that he's like the most highest grossing comedian of all time but like he has to walk around with a i mean oh the best part too was they were like uh awesome here done! Awesome! Here's another million dollars, dude. I would hate that. I would just, what? The best part was they asked, like, we need, like, what should he wear? And I was like, John's wearing basketball shorts tonight. I was like, I know he's going to hate wearing basketball shorts

and give a bad t-shirt and basketball shorts, and he will be fucking, and they put the guitar in his mouth. You wouldn't play a character for an hour a night. No. You're John Feidelberg in real life, and you're Westchester Matt on stage, and you're worth infinite. Not if I didn't like it.

That doesn't surprise me at all. I can't believe you are not surprised by that. It's a normal fight's answer, but this one is like you could be the biggest comedian in the world. But it would also be happy. How do you know? I'm saying, if I don't like the'm saying if i don't like the character if i didn't like the character like i whatever i like i'm pretty happy so i don't i wouldn't want to imagine could you imagine if westchester matt had like a a punch

line well imagine imagine if like when john walked around people would be like Yo Westchester Matt And he would have to do it back That would be like People yelled Saturdays are for the boys For three years So I know what it's like He hated every second of it Kind of already are Westchester Matt I already did it without the money

And was unhappy Maybe it would make a difference The money would make a difference I don't know I already did it without the money and was unhappy. Sure. Maybe it would make a difference. The money would make a difference. But I don't know. I have enough money. I don't have a lot, but I just have what I have. And I'm pretty content.

I think it's no different than just playing a role in a movie or TV show. You don't have to like the character. But it's your only character. Yeah, you do it every night. You do a movie or tv show like you don't have to like the character you're but it's your only character like yeah you do it every night you do you do a movie for three months also people people outsiders absolutely understand the idea of acting comedians people think are really like who's an actor like uh harry potter like he that's just him oh worst example you could use all the harry potters are awesome no no i'm saying but like people only what's the uh denny rackliff like people just call him harry potter you know yeah like typecast but that's fine because like that's your defining role your defining role would be matt from westchester

but harry potter is like what westchester matt sucks the the harry potter kids all did it perfectly every harry potter just made a ton of money and then just started doing exactly what they want you know apparently i'm currently doing what i want so okay they like the reason that the harry potter kids because they were like uh kid actors and like normally kid actors grow up like fucked up so apparently the um casting director for harry potter had been on the cast of i forget what it was but one where like lindsey lohan types like they all grew up like fucked up and like he felt super guilty for it so his one goal with harry potter was he like checked their backgrounds and made sure they all came from a good family and that's why they all like grew up like great and normal like all i

think rupert grant i don't think he did anything until he started doing that apple tv show i think he just didn't act again and then emma watson went off to college daniel radcliffe started doing weird stuff he's doing theater now like that's sick to just have to just have all the money now you're like i can just do whatever i want now like that's fucking awesome yeah he had to go dong out to kind of like wipe away harry potter from he's like away harry potter which is like not the worst idea he went his first thing after potter was like that horse play on broadway where he just like slung his dick around oh yeah yeah that one where he's the dead guy who just farts all the time yeah that's an fx i think just like be like yeah i don't know i like weird shit let's just do weird shit there was a uh i

saw a video the other day on the dude. Very interesting career of the guy who was the lead on Freaks and Geeks. You know that guy? Yeah. I don't know his name. He's the main guy, but he's the least famous of the bunch. Right. Is that Martin Starr?

Is that from Silicon Valley? Is that his name? I'm not sure. I haven't seen Freaks and Geeks, but I think he's in Silicon Valley. He went on to do Bones for like 200 episodes. Oh, so it's not. And then wrote Spider-Man Homecoming. Oh, he wrote that?

Or No Way Home, one of the two. He just like, he's done very, very little. He did, oh, I shouldn't say that because he did like hundreds of episodes. That guy, John Francis Daly. Yeah. I think is him. Yeah, that's him. So he did Freaks and Geeks Season 1.

Everybody loved it. And he did Bones. And then kind of fell off. And then, yeah, look at that. Since Bones, he had Game Night. It was kind of all right. Dungeons and Dragons, I enjoyed that. He wrote Game Night?

No, he's in Game Night, I think. And then he was just like, I'm going to write Spider-Man. I don't know how he got. I enjoyed that. You wrote Game Night? No, he's in Game Night, I think. And then he was just like, I'm gonna write Spider-Man. I don't know how he got the nod for that, but he wrote fucking... Click to make sure that's true. Because this could be a... I think he wrote the

vacation movie. The updated... Not Ed Harris. Ed Helms. Yes. And then I think... Yeah, I also wrote fucking Spider-Man Homecoming. Regarded as maybe the greatest

fucking movie ever. Superman movie ever. What's it called? What's the fucking word I'm looking for? God damn it, my brain. Vaccine. The jab. The jab got me. Apparently they still want you to do that. the fucking word i'm looking for god damn it my brain super hero yes i have just vaccine bro the jab the jab got me apparently they still want you to do that they're like go get your booster that's fucking crazy like who's gonna do that people get flu shots what's that people get flu shots

pussies yeah tomorrow hailing died on the field vaccine uh do some voicemails? What else we got? Yeah, I'm not voicemails. Yeah. Can I get a takeoff? Sure. We send all that money to Ukraine. Oh, Jesus. Go pee. Go pee. The subway stations in New York City, they can't put a fan in.

I was underground this morning waiting for my train. It must have been 130 down there. I always wondered that. If you can air condition the cars, I don't get why you can't. I mean, I understand it's kind of wasteful because it's just going into the air. Dude, waste it. Make it a little bit cooler. I thought people were going to start

passing out. They should have those misters. The sideline for football. Like the vegetables at the market. Bro, when I see those, I close my eyes and I daydream i'm like i wish i was a cucumber right now underneath that here's what i'm confused by and so i read an article it's like they'll never be air conditioned it's too much to do and i was like well you can close

one station at a time and install it whatever it's like you're doing construction all the other fucking shit so let's fast forward to the year 2100 is it just still gonna be yeah yeah it's like at some point we have to at least try yeah yeah like in every article is like they're just never gonna do it and like that's impossible they have to do it it is the worst it is the worst uh because you get so sweaty and then you do get in the car and the car can be cool and then you're like cold sweat it's then you get back out and you're hot again and it's just like miserable i can't even fathom adults who still love summer we do this we do this we have this conversation every year i don't need to rehash it but like you know when you're a kid it's the best for obvious reasons when you are a young adult it's the best you're renting

houses you're partying truly the funnest time of my life 25 26 years old rent a house in the hamptons run to hansen jersey sit on the beach all day get fucked up party live that life love it once that is done this godforsaken season is unbearable yeah i i'm gonna it was 83 at night when the's pitch black, 90% humidity. I'm taking the garbage out. I was like, ah, no. Kevin, I have a question here. You have a large house. You don't have a pool, right?

I do have a pool. You do have a pool. Do you think maybe like you'll start to enjoy summer, like barbecuing with your kids and like their friends are running around around the pool and be like, oh, this is America. Like this. I do that. Yeah. and their friends are running around around the pool, and it'd be like, oh, this is America. I do that, but in those moments, I'm getting sunburned. I'm pouring with sweat.

I look at that as peak of this is what you work for. Yeah, but that's more like the kids are happy. When the kids are not around, I'm on the couch in the air conditioning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go outside every now and then to swim i cannot sit in the sun anymore though vaccine i mean i really like it is it's not it's not your average like i just got sunburned because that i can deal with it's like it is so uncomfortable i do not want to be in the sun so i'm like this sucks i'd rather be winter where we're all inside yeah i don't like summer right now because like i live in an apartment in new york yeah well the city is the worst other thing so we're a tiny island manhattan there's no cap on the number of cars that are just allowed

to be in a tiny island with tall buildings everywhere that drives me insane like why what's the problem the cars it should just be one in one out because there's way too many they all just run red lights nobody obeys traffic laws what does it bother you they just tried to cap it yeah and then they worked for like two years well yeah they tried to raise the price like a billion dollars 25 a car that that was going to like not stop me but i was going to be like complaining about that two days before and they were just like no yeah like that the fact that that just never even happened is funny because somebody on one side or the other was like no bro they worked for like two years to implement in this program two days before it went in the

governor was like no we're not doing somebody put a gun to that guy's head she said she met she said she was too many hard-working people she was like she said she was at a diner on in midtown east and was like i met a New Jersey couple who said they were going to stop coming to this diner. My point is, keep them the fuck out of my diner. I don't want them there. On no planet does someone from Jersey travel to the east side of Manhattan to go to a diner. Those people are assholes. It should all be capped.

No more buildings, no more people, no more cars. We're losing our city. No more fentanyl either. Let's start with the fentanyl. No, start with the cars. Before we start with the fucking isolationism. But yeah, sometimes I do wonder like where does it end? Because I was looking at the skyline the other day.

It's like, I don't know, I guess, you know, you just keep building. You become like Dubai where like everything is like 100 stories. But I mean, it used to be, you know, Twin Towers and then now dubai where like everything is like a hundred stories but i mean it used to be you know twin towers and then now freedom tower and it'll go down and empire state building and then like maybe the chrysler and now it's just and just nuts and guess what all they do is raise our rent it's all they do they keep building more condos and it's like oh well more condos should be my rent no just raise my rent why is my rent going up what cost of living is going up what is the cost of living you are the cost you see amazon got caught those motherfuckers no today or whatever is prime day whenever that is yeah and they raise the prices like of course right the day before i

remember when i worked at gnc going around before before uh gnc gold card week yeah change everything up 10 bucks up 10 bucks up 10 bucks very scheming and scamming it's crazy uh before you want to go pee yeah i got a topic i can talk about the cars forever why did the like the traffic bothers you like you're almost getting hit by cars there's just more cars in the city than ever and there's like you're saying where does it end like at some point they have to decide like well i mean i just can't keep allowing the problem is me. I'm like my my what I represent is the problem. I started driving during pandemic. Like there was people who drove and there was people who took mass transit.

And then during the pandemic, people started to drive. Yeah. And then when it ended, they continued to drive. Yes. And so like it sucks dick. But there's also I think it was outweighed by the amount of people who now work from home because if there was now everybody's back in the office but not really because i think if everybody who started to drive continued to drive and there was nothing on the

other side to balance it out it would truly be gridlock mayhem all the time and it's not but it's it's it's no different than what it was oh i think it's like an hour to get in and out still like it's not the end of the world. I feel like I notice it. Like, wow, this is worse than it's ever been. I don't know. It's like you sit in an Uber. You just don't move at any point.

Well, there's a certain time. But, like, you know, driving in and out of the city from Westchester, it was like, you know, I used to. During COVID, I could do it in, like, 25 minutes. It was, like, not a car on the road because we were, like, the absolute best and then it like started back up to like 45 and now it's like an hour but it's like driving from westchester to the city is usually takes an hour you know so so whatever however many we added we must have subtracted somewhere because otherwise it would be i do get confused i would love to talk to like an actual urban planner like is there a cap on like just we can't fit more people on this island like where do they go like it's just i don't understand i know i just don't

get how it works at some point there has to be some inflection point where a city can't contain this many people anymore i wonder though what like why though like what there's not enough fucking food or something like what maybe what stops you the exhaust from the cars i don't know there just has to stop being a pussy dude a lib i saw speaking a of uh conspiracy theories from earlier i saw and i don't know maybe i'm late to this i don't know when it was jim brewer uh woat on rosanne bar's podcast or vice versa do you know the clip i'm talking about i remember it what is it with chapelle yes yes yeah i think john told me about it yeah or someone out there told me about it recently or a lot i say this clip's like a couple months old okay joe so jim brewer like rosanne bar is like so what happened you guys have like a falling out because they did

and he was like they came for him yeah he's like i'll just say he was visited and they're like what the fuck does that mean and he says that uh like he was really blowing up and then that like people visited him and said like cut it out we don't like what you're doing we don't like how you're doing your comedy and that's when he went to africa and then jim brubber went as far to say that he doesn't think that it's the real chapelle coming back it's like the elite visit it's kind of like i started to google it what happened to jack black jack black had to decide do i want to do tenacious d or be an actor in hollywood he chose hollywood what do you mean i don't know so jack black the other guy in tenacious d it was his birthday and they sung

happy birthday to him on stage and jack black goes any birthday wishes and other guy in tenacious d goes i wish they didn't miss trump next time and jack black has now quit oh you're talking about right now yeah yeah i did see that because he posted on instagram jack black's more worried about the elite of hollywood they came for him they said you want to be bowser do you want to do tenacious d and he go i'll take the bowser paychecks please and so now i thought i thought that was about his audience you're saying yeah no it's hollywood elite they they came for oh jack black is a big elite he's all in the pictures with obama and stuff right right right so you think that you think jack black's just now deciding to get famous no no he he had to choose your little

singing hobby or bowser and he chose bowser and it's because his because the sidekick said i wish they killed yeah the elite said you have to choose they come for you john well this was uh this is that's what they said so i started to google like who was they and uh the story is that cosby oprah yep sydney portier and and one other black guy den person. Was it Denzel? I just said another black guy. That they came to Chappelle and said, we don't like the way you're portraying what you do with your racial humor and how you're talking about the black community and the success you're having and all that.

And that's what sent him to Africa. And then what happened to Jim Brewer? Oh, he's just... He's still just talking like a goat or something like that. He's going on Roseanne Barr's podcast. That's what happened to jim brewer oh he's just yeah still just talking like he's going on roseanne barnes podcast like you know that's what happened to jim brewer remember that was that we had a incident with him brew not an incident he came on our show and he and he was talking about he was literally melting yeah he did he did a uh like a funny bit about um like hispanic baseball players being like um bullied around by like the cuban cartel kind of right it was like we were talking about like cuban baseball players defecting and then i think he he

was talking about like like the basically like a hispanic mafia or something like that he's bringing a bell yeah and he like did some accents and it was funny he was fine uh and then he kind of like got you know canceled or whatever but i think he like got mad at us almost for like i don't know it was like it was our clip or some shit really i remember being like i don't remember that it was like i remember it not being a good interview but i don't remember this part specifically i think it was something along the lines of like i think he didn't like or he just said something like those guys brought it up or some shit like that and it was

kind of like he was he was like trying to deflect it onto us but i was like you were you being a lib well i'm a lib cuck i'm i'm getting it from the left right now now like i said i'm conservative now oh what did you because of a one minute man yeah i think when i just said that when i said no no no it was like that i was just, that was pretty fucking badass to like almost get shot and be like, yeah, fuck. Yeah. I was like, that was pretty badass. And now, now I'm a, you know, racist misogynist, but give it a week.

I'll be a lib cock again. That's how it goes. That's the life I live. And I tell them every time I've never voted and I never will vote. And everyone's like, this is what you get for voting for Biden. This is what you get for voting for Trump. I was like, I never have that. Keep keep voting blue the place was out of ice cream keep voting blue it's my favorite reply all right let's do voicemails okay so i have a good would

you rather for you um i'm walking my dogs and i've had this bug just buzzing around my head the entire time. And I think it's like a big horse fly, so I know it's going to hurt when it stinks. See? I can't get rid of them. So my would you rather is, would you rather have a bug flying around your head nonstop for the rest of your life? You can't hit it. Nothing.

That buzzing is just going to keep going. Or listen to a dog bark at nothing because that's what they do and you can tell them to shut up you can turn them not to do it they're still just going to bark bark bark bark bark so would you rather hear a bug buzzing around your head for the rest of your life or just non-stop dog barking uh are we talking about your dog or just like a dog i think it's just a straight dog. I think a dog. I'll take the dog. I'll take the dog. The buzzing is crazy.

You can't go in public. Yeah, I just have a horse flag on. It's almost more the feeling than the sound. When one guy is just like circulating around you and you're trying to, oh, that's enough to, I want to kill myself. I was actually going to go bug. And then I remembered when I was home i got like bit by a bug and then it's quite i remember thinking like wow like that bug torture like from fucking hook like that must be the boo box because it's all i could see after that like bugs and they weren't

really there but i just kept slapping your leg i kept like slapping around anytime i felt a little phantom feeling yeah and that was like very very apparent yeah um so i guess but i am good at i'm i'm good at just like blocking the thing out so if it was flying around the buzz it wouldn't bother me while i'm awake trying to sleep would be a bitch i think i could deal with a louder noise if it's consistent i think a dog barking at night is one of the worst things in the world though yeah because you know any noise that is inconsistent but steady you know yeah right so like you know he's gonna bark again is it gonna come next yeah and you're like it would be quiet for 10 seconds maybe you went to sleep you know that is the worst but the buzzing is is that is torturous buzzing is bad yeah and then like a

gnat in your ear oh no terrible you ever seen those videos of people who have like like they're like oh i need to get my earwax clean and they take a bug out yeah if that ever happened to me yeah like we're talking like a a decent size like little like mini like cockroach that the doctor goes in there and it's like you seem to have some blockage and then all of a sudden like like scurries out if that ever happened to me bro chop my head off with a fucking axe on the rest of my life is there more in there like are there bugs in there get me out on a season of survivor a girl had a bug crawling around her ear canal for like two three days and they usually they're pretty good on survivor like bringing the medical team like you know and they'll fix you up they wouldn't do it for her

they said if we're bringing medical we're gonna you're out you're out i mean i would be so i would be out in like a bug in your brain jackie is like she didn't sleep for like three days and like they i think it was like a humanitarian crisis that they didn't help her out. Yeah, that is. That's sickening. Yeah. It's one of the survivor fans talk about that. It's like, that's one of the weird ones that they didn't help them out. Are you in season two? Or season four?

Are you in the next one? No, Dave hates me, remember? Right. But I thought sometimes he hates a lot of people he puts them in. Yeah, he doesn't want me to have glitter. Yeah. I mean, maybe your heads up poker match should be for glitter not even for money i'll take the money be like i want i want

like a hundred glitter credits there's someone who used to work here she was or they were a uh manager you know they managed people and uh they sent an email one time it was on the production side and send an email one time would you rather on the production side. And sent an email one time. Would you rather have a bonus added to your paycheck or a congratulations or like a good job from Dave? A manager wrote that? It was a serious email that was sent to an entire department of people. Why? Was it a genuine question?

It was a genuine question. Was that like, we're going to give you bonuses. Would you rather have Dave call you? Or was it a hypothetical? It was like, which one would you? No, no? It was a genuine question. We're going to give you bonuses. Would you rather have Dave call you? Or was it a hypothetical? It was like, which one would you? No, no. It was real. It was like, which one do you want? In order to prove a point, you think, that they were trying to show Dave we need?

It was a legit question. Like, do you want money or a Nataboy? And everybody said, we want money, please. I would sincerely hope. It was a genuine question yes not just like it wasn't just like fucked around hypothetical on slack not a hypothetical no it was a real email i i could see if if somebody was saying like dave we have like a morale problem here like take a look at this yeah like because if everybody said like all i want is a attaboy from dave but no it was like it was it was equating the two but no it can't have been real though because then what dave was gonna call 40 people if 40

people said after the show we can go take a look at it i don't know i don't but like people out there do i would love to see that that's fucking insanity that's why i wish we didn't say the name well we can blur it out okay it's not live or anything that is fucking bonkers yeah i laugh about it constantly surprisingly what department was it sent to uh i is it just vaguely production i don't know like production like content not you didn't get it your content well i don't know i don't check emails no no it was It was behind the scenes people. Jackie, what would you take? This is like the $500,000 or lunch with Jay-Z. It's exactly what it was.

Imagine Dave giving you... Imagine if it was like, yo, you want like 10 grand? And you're like, no, I'd rather like... I'd rather hear from Dave. And then Dave gets an email that says like, yo, Steve did a really good job today. And so he just goes, good job, Steve. By the way, Steve is doing a phenomenal job. Fantastic. You are everything.

You have a job waiting for you whenever you are done, brother. The glazing is crazy. I'm doing tricks on him. He has been like, it's so crazy how hard it is to find good help. And, like, everything we've ever said, you know, about how to do it and how, more importantly, how not to do it. And it seems like it's easy. He's normal. Steve's normal.

He just, like, works hard. Quick learner. Very nice. Very nice. The girls love him. He's got it all going for him i i he's got another year left and i was like if you want to you know college yeah yeah it's like people drop out and just start working all the time so you want to do it you can do it but you know i'm sure your

parents want you to go finish you want to finish so it's waiting for you he's only like it's like fifth college he's on the final work plan plan. Are you? Second. Second. I thought he was three. I thought it was three. Where were they again? It was Boston University and then Providence College. BU and then PC. Oh, okay.

Those are the same thing. Yeah. Transferred to the same school. You got the Jesuits at PC, dude. Come on. The brothers. PC's Jesuit, right? Yeah.

From Dominican Friars. Dominican Friars. Friars. The Providence Friars. Yeah. Well, I knew it was Friars, but I thought it might be Jesuits. They're even weirder than the Jesuits, right? Yeah. Dominican Friars. Dominican Friars. Friars. The Providence Friars. Well, I knew it was Friars, but I thought it might be Jesuit. They're even weirder than the Jesuits are.

Well, I saw something about a Catholic school where it's like, if a Catholic school was, the only real Catholic schools were started by Jesuits. Everything else is fake. The Jesuit ones are evil,

but at least they're real. All right. Next voice, Phil. is fake the jesuit ones are evil but at least they're real all right next voice what's up kfc radio um i was talking to a co-worker the other day about high school sports and just stories and it reminded me of in football practice like 20 of us would shower after practice and then someone came up with the idea we should play tag with someone who doesn't shower while we're all naked and we uh so we would chase this one kid around we voted for and then after like a days, we couldn't catch them. And so we made a new rule that if we couldn't catch you and you were, like, running around really hard trying to stay away from us, we would try and pee on you. And so then we fucking would block all the exits and try and piss on a 16, 17 or 18 year old kid. And our coach found out about it.

But he was a football guy and he thought it was fucking hilarious. And his only rule was if we slip and fall and get hurt or something, we couldn't do it anymore. But after two seasons seasons no one ever slipped or fell or got hurt and we just started peeing on kids and it was fucking hilarious i mean i wasn't the one who did it but like yeah we had a guy who peed on people yeah i mean that guy rules because when people were like oh so and so peand-so peaked in high school, he probably did, but he's so proud of it. He's like, hell yeah, I did. Hell yeah, I did.

The showering thing is something that is, again, I think our generation had probably the last showers. I don't think kids shower today, right? I don't. Well, I got to check my camera. I don't think kids shower today right i don't well i gotta check my camera see i don't think teams are like allowed to do that anymore or if they do it's got to be very like private like you probably have to have your own stall or what i i maybe i'm wrong maybe you go to like football in texas they're still just showering i'm a coach of a school and i show up and it's individual showers i'm i'll do it myself i will take them all down We shower as a group It sounds silly

But my best teams I was ever on We shower together It's a real camaraderie type thing I can see that But also It's basketball hockey And it always is If the guys I was playing hoops with

We were showering together It would have been the weirdest thing ever. And, you know, the hockey team was probably like jerking each other off. Yeah. Like it was. But it is funny to single out the one guy who's uncomfortable. There's one dude who keeps the towel on and he's pulling his boxers up over the towel. And they're just like piss on him.

Like that. That is. If you all agree to shower and piss on each other go ahead kids if you single out one person who's uncomfortable and do it to him sexual sexual assaults right sexual assaults yeah everyone was in on our p games i mean who how could we forget the great the great piss fight of providence yeah those were the hockey players the piss fight providence that was one of the great piss fight of Providence? Yeah, those were the three hockey players. The piss fight of Providence. The instigator of that was our team pisser.

He would sneak up on people. Basically, while you were showering, if you were getting your shampoo out and you had your eyes closed, he'd just come pee on you a little bit. On your legs? I like that that guy didn't have a question either. I'm just going to tell the fellas that this is what it's all about, man. No, good for him if if honestly if kids today aren't showering together then america's in trouble because it was like i think it's a regional thing too i don't think it i think it's definitely a time thing but also like again i they did not happen in our school we did not

really have the facilities but even if we did like we were not i think we just were not like a major sports school we played sports and even like some of the teams were good i just don't think guys were showering together i think it's it's a we all just went home we didn't shower after like gym class at home but i know the football team definitely showered but like people didn't shower after like pe or whatever you want to call it no we used to i remember being more so young when when like you know gym class was like exciting and you'd go back to english like fucking boring sweat and it's like well you know i got 25 people on dodgeball what the fuck yeah uh maybe i'm wrong maybe it was just me maybe it was a basketball thing um i didn't play baseball deep into high school. Baseball doesn't break a sweat.

Baseball, we shower. Baseball's kind of like hockey, but they don't break a sweat, but they still want to shower and jerk each other off and stuff. But it wasn't baseball. We didn't start showering until I became an upperclassman. And then me and a couple of hockey players. You instituted it. We were like, we're showering. You guys are so gay.

That's the other thing. Well, also, we didn't make people it was just like we shower so we're gonna go shower and then people feel left out because we'd be in there for an hour i just remember uh i think i've told this story before my buddy freshman year uh who went to one of those big high schools in cleveland where they had like 3 000 kids you know and i think you know lebron probably went there whatever, like major sports programs or whatever. He was a tiny guy, though, and they would shower after like gym class. It wasn't even like sports, and they would, you know, lube up the ground with soap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he would run and slide on his butt, and he was like the guy. He was like the bowling ball, and they would like, you know what I mean? But I think that was for gym class because he was so small. I don't think he was on any of the was like he was like the bowling ball and they would like you know what i mean uh but that was i think that was for gym class because i don't he was so small i don't think he was on any of the teams but they loved him he was like a mascot you know um but i i i i don't think it's maybe it is a school oriented thing but i think it's a team like if you have a gay guy who's like your captain who's like we fucking play together we shower together and then then you i think coaches are happy to just be like whatever i think our coaches shower with us no he didn't that's not true right that's true no it's not stop no it's so so the no it's it's a

very specific instance so our we would we would get better yeah it was just this one time we would it doesn't make it better it was just this one time we would go to it was just one time we'd go away to camp like the whole team would go to camp and like we would live in dorms and like that's just

where the showers were they wouldn't like occasionally we'd pass through the hallway no but like he should probably just do it like 15 minutes later yeah

it was we'd see coach in a towel he probably was like I gotta go you guys have been in the shower for two hours the coaching staff I think there's only like three or four guys but the coaching staff would shower together but sometimes there would be during that week there would be some cross like i'm trying to remember now my locker room in high school was a dungeon ours was too

and like i think they have since updated everything it's all state state of the art. But it was dark and dingy, and there was some lockers there. And then the shower was only probably like five or six shower heads, so it couldn't have really been much anyway. But they just kept the volleyball net and the bouncy ball. Everything was just crammed in there, so it was like you couldn't even shower. Mine is literally exactly like mine. If I was a principal or something, I think I would have a pretty steadfast rule. No kids getting naked with each other. Dude, my high school. The exact mine. If I was a principal or something, I think I would have a pretty steadfast rule. No kids getting naked with each other.

My high school... I know the exact opposite. But I know... Every kid's got to get naked right now. You're not wrong, but I'm just saying I want to keep my job. Everybody keep your dicks and your vaginas separate from each other. My high school's so... Do girls shower together?

I'm talking more about this. I might become a nudist. They might have it figured out, man. Imagine Fido Berg at a nude beach. Yikes. Do the girls shower together? There wasn't really ever a time. After gym, nobody showered, which is gross now thinking about it.

But then after soccer, it was just like you just came from home and you just go home. So I don't really even understand what the point of showering is. Come on, everyone should be naked. So hockey is different because you have to go back into the locker room and change. You have to. You just get in your car and you go home. But all the sports, I mean baseball, again, it's once you get to high school, but baseball you change.

And again, everything's a little different. It was a boarding school, so kids weren't going home. True. But they could have gone back to their shower. I used to go to basketball basketball i would have my uniform on and i would put like you know snap pants or like breakaway pants or sweat pants on over it so i would just like get to the gym take those off play put those back on yeah yeah like there was just no need for the shower but it's not it's it's the hockey i always say. Hockey. I always say it's hockey. We started showering at like seven.

We like. Because. And we did. That is crazy to me. That I have kids now. Like. Like Keegan would be like. I'm not.

Maybe older than seven. Elementary school for sure. But maybe older than seven. But it was. It was dumb logic. But we were like. Oh. The high school kids showered together.

We thought. I can understand that. How you got good. That was like. What the good kids did kids showered together. We thought that's like – I can understand that. How you got good. That was like what the good kids did. Everything you're saying makes sense and camaraderie and all that. I'm just saying from like a practical point of view. It's like keep the kids not naked. Yeah.

I remember my dad was like, why are you taking a towel? I got to shower. You shower after practice? I was like, yeah. All right. Whatever. Oh, so he wasn't down with it? No, no, no.

He was fine. He was just surprised, but he was just like, all right, whatever. Dad's like he he wasn't down with it no no he was fine he was just surprised but he was just like all right whatever dad's like i've seen that pecker of yours i wouldn't put that out on display you little bald bird he would just get mad when he might get mad and it's actually part of like being a parent i can't even fathom where like because he come at a reasonable time and you're like you sit there for 40 minutes oh my god and he'd just be like all right let's go home you can't like how the fuck thinking back on like how well are you okay with that because he's just chilling in the car yeah that means 45 minutes of peace and quiet it's your mom at home solo dealing with the other four kids going, where the fuck are they? He's like, John Henry

was showering. I couldn't get him. What do you want me to go in the shower with these kids? That'd be crazy. Alright, last voicemail. What's up? KFC fights the rest of the gang. I was thinking about this recently. What's a deciding factor that

just completely turns you off um regardless of how the person looks um like for me it's always been terrible oral hygiene like bad breath or yellow teeth or like a dead tooth like maureen ponderosa style um i remember back in college I had this like auditorium style class where it was you know like 100 150 people there and first day I was like scanning the room seeing if maybe there was a cute girl I could sit next to get to know start flirting with whatever blah blah blah and I scanned the room and I found one and I sat next to her and within like a few minutes or a few seconds actually not a few minutes um she like giggled or whatever and it looked like she never brushed her teeth or anything like that terrible breath and never sat next to her again

another thing that i noticed recently that i never thought about was the extra gummy smile. That guy's got long teeth. You're not the opposite. He's Spider-Man-meming right now. I was talking with somebody recently, and she was pretty attractive. I know I'm not a catch but yeah I was talking to her and at a bar and she just smiled

randomly and it caught me completely off guard I was like that is just a whole lot of your mouth showing with that smile and it just stunned me like I lost my train of thought mid conversation that was one that blew the lid off that for me?

Was, uh... What blew the lid off that for me was Family Guy. Stewie. Stewie has a line where it's like, and she's got a bad gum-to-tooth ratio. And I just started noticing that for the rest of my life. And you're gummy. Is there one that's not like,

you know, yellow teeth, bad breath? Like, everybody... I was going to say, that's like, yeah., yellow teeth, bad breath? Like everybody. I'm going to say that's like, yeah. Right. My turn off is rotting teeth. I'm trying to think if there's one that's more, what do they call it? Like your ichor. Yeah.

In injuries. What do you mean? If you're an adult who gets an injury, you got to grow up. He always says the biggest white trash thing is an adult in a cast. Oh, God. What a piece of garbage you got to be. You're hobbling around in a boot for like six months. Still hurts every day.

Complaining about your owner. Every day. It's just still hurts. Oh, yeah. I was saying, I was honestly saying that and I wasn't even considering you. Yeah, no. I broke my foot a year and two months ago. God, the anniversary date.

May 20th. Stay strong. 520 cancer survivor after the blue 182 concert at msg i broke my foot and it's just still hurts every day that's how it's gonna go man it's gonna hurt forever also john you have scabs all over your body that's not an injury that's something that like i've had a scab since i was like Well, you've been crawling around on the rug a lot. That doesn't help your case at all. I don't know. Yeah, this guy, he's not reinventing the wheel.

She had bad breath. Well, yeah, that's gross. By the way, I need dental help. So if you're a stoolie who has a dental, if you're a dentist, I need help. Did you guys talk to Nicky Smoke's tweet? No. Oh, my God. Did you not see it?

He goes, dude, Kevin, but the way he did the tweet, he goes, went to the dentist. I have nine cavities and need four teeth pulled. I'll never go back to the dentist. And so all the replies are hilarious. It's like, bro, I don't think it's the dentist on this one. It's like going to the doctor and he says you have cancer. I'm not going to go to the doctor. I kind of get what he's saying though usually it's like but when it's that extreme it's like you gotta start going i was like brush your teeth man

that is disgusting if john can cannot cannot have bad teeth anybody can anyone can do it i mean john puts all sorts of shit in his mouth all the time. Dip and candy, nonstop. The two worst things, tobacco and sugar. It's actually impressive that your teeth aren't fine. I brush my teeth a lot. I have this cracked tooth, this cracked veneer, and I've just been putting it off, and I've got to do it now. It's getting too noticeable. So I've got to do the whole fucking front again.

I'm like 20 years overdue. What does that mean? You can't just do one tooth. Yeah. Because then they look bad. So I got to do all four. So they knock them out. They shave them down.

I think so. I don't know. I'm not sure what they do these days. They'll probably break it off. Yeah. So I need a good dentist or whatever. I don't think that's orthodontics. I think it's dentist.

Whatever. Cosmetic dentist who is not going to make me be like, come in for a checkup and then we'll schedule this for two more weeks and then this for two weeks. Like, I need the veneers. Come in. I'll do the fucking thing. I don't want to do the process that I have to go through. But you know when it's like, give me a shortcut.

When it's like, I got to go to the doctor. It's like, you need to go to the doctor like three times. Yeah. You know, I want to go like once you do the mold second time you give me the fucking teeth third time you give me because you gotta do that oh it's a whole process because you gotta do the fake ones for a while you have to have like while they're making them you have to have the fake ones in for like two weeks but it's the crack is getting too bad too much and wherever i go i want fucking laughing gas i want that good good where I can just like relax. Cause I fucking hate doing it.

If you can do that for me, holler at me. Uh, but as far as like, I think bad, this is an ATI question. Like what's one thing somebody can do. I think bad teeth.

That's not, I put it like, that's not you. That's like everybody. That's like, you don't want to be in a picture with someone bad. I feel like you have some good ones that you said recently. Um,

you're a Nick girl. I, I'm not a not a nick girl no but i can't think of like real fucking quick i'm basically a born-again virgin at this point where like i'll just take anything that falls onto my lap so i don't have any one thing that i'm like realizing is because i normally go for like it was just funny it was like silent and then jackie just started talking i'm just gonna get that out um the the like i'm normally somebody who goes for like a nicer guy like i don't really like like a bad boy or whatever but i'm realizing that there's a difference between a nice guy and a guy who's like always been told he's nice yeah because that goes to their head they're smarmy about it and they're like they like you they i don't know how to describe it but like

they end up being a bad guy because they think that they're like this nice guy that's that's a reddit thing it's like they yeah but just like r slash nice guys is like a reddit yeah it ends up on the front page it's like almost in cellist where they can't be the bad guy because they're everything i'm so good water not waterboarding gaslighting where it's like i can't be the bad guy because i'm the nice guy yeah and then like it and then they're just like weird and that's 100 but is that the same as love bombing i've seen that one pop up a lot i don't really know what that means when you're like is when you're like with a girl and you're like we're gonna get married like on like two weeks meeting oh that's different whatever that's completely different no but like yeah i think like

the yeah so don't be nice to jack that's why i know just like just like don't let it become your personality it's like like i can understand somebody be like whoa what you don't want to be nice or you want me to be nice it's like just be normal about it yeah don't let it become your personality. It's just being normal. It's like, I can understand somebody being like, whoa, what? You don't want me to be nice? Or you want me to be nice? It's like, just be normal about it. Don't be nice to the point that you think you deserve a fucking cookie for it. And that, you know, you can't possibly ever be wrong. Just be a regular nice person.

This also is a point that my sister was just saying, which is kind of funny. It's like, big dick energy is kind of implying that somebody's ugly. Like if you're saying big dick energy, it means. It means that, yeah. Like you don't have the regular attractiveness. Yeah, that's why I was. You never see like a hot guy and you're like, damn, he's got big dick energy. He's got hot guy energy.

It's called confidence. It's like an ugly loser with confidence. He probably does have a big dick. He's in shape. He's good looking. He's just confident yeah the uh probably it's a long list but the gayest thing about me is like i'll get the ick from like i'll give you the hottest girl in the world if i don't like the way you dress i'm not interested really yeah i'm like oh you paired that shirt with those pants

i don't think I would ever. Unless you were dressed like a hoe. Yeah, that makes sense. If you were dressed like really hoish or really like over the top. No, but it's just freaking fit after fit. It's like you just can't have that on your feed. Like you can't be in a picture. Because it's also like I got to be seen with you.

This is what you fucking would. People think this is who I'm fucking dating someone with this kind of taste and could you know i don't know behind your back like about like how hideous the fit is just i mean you gotta match my freaking clothes i mean yeah i don't dress but like i feel that way my match my freak dress seasonally appropriate like i just think like people see like, and it's like, you know you can get those fixed. That means they're going out of their way not to get them fixed, and it's like, okay with it being gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I find. That's gross, too. You can have bad genetics for teeth, sure, but it's very easy to fix. Bad genetics. Bad genetics. Bad genetics. I thought it was a good thing. I don't think I would think about a girl's clothes much.

I don't care about a girl's job. I don't care about how much money they make. And I don't think I really care what they wear as long as it's relatively normal. I would not penalize you if you were just like, I don't know, like I don't like your style. I could date a girl who I don't like their style. Oh. Yeah. I agree.

I wouldn't date a girl who I don't like anything. It's almost like the nails thing. It's like well that's gonna come up again so you have to like every single thing about a person before you get them i think so yeah yeah right like that's pretty i know but it's not i mean it's not realistic that you would like every single thing about a person no no okay how about this how about this how about this i like being alone. You have to pick. You are dating a girl whose style is terrible or their TV taste is terrible. Oh, wow.

Like, to me, I don't know. It's really, really hard. Like, TV and all that stuff for me. It has to be, yeah. Like, we've got to. i don't really really hard no like tv and all that for me it has to be yeah like we gotta i truly genuinely believe tv compatibility is one of the foundations of modern dating you can joke about her bad fashion with your friends be like yeah i don't know what the fuck she's wearing that picnic table for but if you were stuck with right in the house every day not even that if my friends

were like did you feel like what what Kevin's girlfriend's wearing today? I'd be like, yeah, that was fucking crazy. But if they were like, your girlfriend likes blah, blah, blah, and you guys have to watch that show at night. But everyone's girlfriend does like that show. Yeah. Also, you've been doing your girlfriend likes below that. No, but I'm saying I don't think those are bad shows. I think those are like funny, trashy reality shows can like, like funny, trashy reality shows.

If you have like, if you. But those are for me, those are. That would be bad for me. That's right. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Are you more talking about like she dresses like a slob or like she's trying to get a

fit off? Trying to get a fit off and failing. That's so much worse. Yeah. Yeah. That's why, like I, if you were just kind of casual a little bit, like not not lazy so you look like a slob, but just, like, I don't know. But also if you're slobish all the time, I'd hate that, too. Yeah.

But if a girl was just. You want a high bar for somebody who, like, is a man baby. No, that's not it. Preach this to her. Say it. Say it. You're just saying, like, she can't be a slob but like right but you're sitting in front of the fridge naked like eating food i do that oh she did shit alone for sure but like if every day

you're just wearing sweatpants i'm like well let's fucking let's dress up a bit today babe come on but if a girl wears just like regular shit what what regular shit i'm probably fine with yeah it's more like i think people were like check out my outfit i'm like jesus it sucks yeah yeah i think that's like if you don't ask for that though and you just wear like i wear like regular jeans and like a top that's like yeah in style no i would never care you would yeah okay you would rather your girlfriend be trent and wear khakis and a black shirt every day then try to dress fashionably and look i don't think you would no no you wouldn't you'd rather her look terrible every day than look plain every day no i guess i'd rather plain that's what i was thinking yeah i guess oh okay

the other extreme is like terrible but i don't think you would like a girl who just like wears the same thing every day. Yeah. I just like girls who have similar interests to me. Yeah. Yeah. One of those weird guys. All right.

I think that's it. Anybody got anything else? I don't like that you're betting against me, against Dave. I mean, I've just, I've learned my lesson like a thousand times, bro. It's fair. Another hater, another op. I'll put another plate on the bench. I hope I'm wrong, as always.

But I also don't know. I mean, I wish I knew a little bit more about Dave's poker, like if he has any. I think the fact that we don't know means a lot. He thinks he can mentally win at poker. But he might be able to. No, he can't. He's not Matilda.

I think Dave can mentally break you down, for sure. Maybe not in poker, but he will start talking about how you don't have equity. Sure, I don't. How you have the persona of an aunt and all these things.

You will get off tilt or on tilt. Once you've seen the same pitch for 10 straight years right down the middle you kind of know how to hit it so what happens when we sit down and he has a new pitch and he says something that you've never heard before what happens if he has the same pitch which definitely bothers you no not it does not bother me anymore does not did you text me about the other day i said dave's a bad person that was so bad did you text me about yesterday i said he's a bad person. That was so bad. Did you text me about it yesterday?

I said he's a bad guy. Yeah, I mean, it clearly bothers you. And I also think that he will get meaner. And also, you've been saying that to him a lot. Like, oh, you're throwing the same pitch that he might be like, okay. You think he's in the lab cooking a new one? Yeah, like I'm going to say some shit that I've been holding back on. He's learning the two-seam? Yeah, yeah. Like, you might, you know, you know you're gonna get a ghost a forkball ghost ball you're gonna

be like so oh i didn't know you thought that about me dave i i know but also like who knows what he actually thinks like doesn't matter whatever he says to you and next thing you know you're gonna be like you know making bad decisions i i do hope we play it would be you know it would be streamed you'll see the cards all that stuff that'd be cool yeah i hope we do it so we'll see all right are we still recording by any chance yep i just have a hypothetical i just hit my hit my head i guess this is more for jackie if your name was casey and you met your dream guy and his last name was anthony what would you do but and he was like, I really want you to take my name.

It's really important to me and I think our marriage will struggle if you don't take my name. Wait, my name's Casey or his name's Casey? You would become Casey Anthony. Oh, I'd become Casey Anthony? Yeah. He's Tom Anthony and you're Casey Nichols, but now you've got to be Casey Anthony. I mean, yeah, it just comes with so

much baggage. I'm going to have to... I can't do it. Change your first name. I'll go Nichols, but now you've got to be Casey Anthony. Yeah, it just comes with so much baggage. I'm going to have to... I can't do it. Change your first name. I'll go Nichols Anthony. I probably would if there was some, again, ridiculous reason why you couldn't. I would probably change my first name. Dude, there's a broadcaster in Baltimore, and his name... Is it Epstein?

No. Yeah. Who was the guy before him? Oh, the guy, Penn State guy. Whatever. Sandusky. Sandusky. He's Jerry Sandusky.

He's like the full name. And he could never get away from it. I mean, you have to legit change your name. You can't just be like, it's like Michael Bolton. He's the asshole. It's like, no, you have to change your fucking name. You can't just be in the Q's name. The other guy is definitively the asshole.

You just got to change your name. You know, there's no fixing that. You can also be like, if your name's like Joe Hitler,ler you can't like get a promotion you can't be introduced i saw oh this is funny too we can have this in the show i saw a chart you know i love my charts it was the um number of people named gay in america yeah that was a good one and it and it was pretty high it was bouncing and down in like the 1800s and shit. But then it got – like it was at its peak right before AIDS. It got gay right before AIDS. But so AIDS –

Is this first names? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gay, gay, gay. Like Gaylord? What? Gaylord? Maybe.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was being posed as gay. Probably Gaylords were out there. But there was like politicians and entertainers that were named gay. And then by the time the 80s really hit, it was done, right? It was like in the 60s, the term started to become used as a slur. Yeah. Like, that's gay.

And then AIDS hit. So then it was like, double whammy, done. But that means that there were some kids born in, like, 1965, before all that really hit, that got named gay. And by the time you were, like, 15 and 20, not only was that's gay, like a common phrase, but there was a wild AIDS epidemic. Everyone's blaming gay people and you were just stuck. And it was the peak though. That was the highest, that was the most popular gay had ever been right before it became the

worst fucking name. It was also a Southern thing. And you know how Southern, especially like, go by first and middle name. Like Mary Bell, whatever. Yeah. My aunt, Southern, her middle name is Gay. And would go by her first and middle name. Like just Southern.

She'd be like, Mary Gay? Dropped it. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I'm fucking done with that. Dude, there was when I went to, I used to go to Providence College Hockey Camp in middle school. And head coach Paul Pooleyie assistant coach was coach gay and i was always like just don't make him do the camps man yeah just have him coach like you're making

him he had to live on campus with fucking for two weeks with like a bunch of middle schoolers but what the fuck also just be like coach tom i do your first name just don't do yeah he was also i'm sure it's you know obviously everything affects everything but like he was the stern coach because behind his back everyone's like fucking coach gay is being pretty gay today we also we killed gay and we killed calling people dick i think we should bring well i was just gonna say that no that dick nixon was our president gay at least made not sense but it was like it had a different meaning and at some point it was a name like calling your cock your dick has been around for a long time i think the fact that there were people out there and i i'm always so confused with dick because it's like when did

they start calling them Dick? Because when you see like, this is Dick Tracy or Dick Nixon or whatever, they're adults. Like when they were like 12. A little baby Dick. Yeah. You're like 11 years old and you're like, this is, you know, Tommy and his cousin Susie and this is their neighbor Dick. And like Dick's playing in the backyard, like, you know, playing. It's like a heavy name. Yeah. That's a grown man name. I actually think being a grown man, be like, hello, I'm Dick. And Dick's playing in the backyard. It's such a heavy name.

That's a grown man name. I actually think being a grown man, being like, hello, I'm Dick. It's pretty fucking... I'm a distinguished gentleman. But if you're 11 and you're telling people your name is Dick, you're like a school shooter. Nick Offerman's character in The Founder, the McDonald's movie, his name's Dick. Nick Offerman is Dick.

I'm Dick. Nice to meet you. And I'd be like, you are... You can't like coochie-coochie-coo a baby named Dick. Right. Give me a little Dickie. Yes, Dickie. Dickie's kind of cool. Yeah, when I say little Dickie, it's like, I don't ever think of like Dick, but it's

like Dick. You know, Richard's kind of like a strong name itself. Yeah, Rich, Richie, Richard, Dick. One of the craziest things society ever did. Name people dicks. Dick Tracy. Summer is in full swing. You know what that means. The temperatures are hot, grills are hot, and the deals are even hotter at Omaha

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I just built a podcast house. You just checkout. I just built a podcast house. You just what? I just built a podcast house. Oh, yeah? Yeah. How's that? It's fine. It's water free if you need it.

Okay. It's fine. I just, I'm sitting behind a desk. I don't like this here. I'm so fat. Oh, stop. I like sitting behind a desk. Stop it.

Yeah, yeah. I do. We used to have more of a desk, too. I remember. Why did y'all move? We used to be over there just next door, and then we just needed more space, and they wanted to do this sort of thing. And I'm always feeling uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah.

You got to be dressed. In the summertime, if I wear shorts, I have all this ugly white man thigh out. Nobody wants to see that. You got to put on some pants when we're doing this yeah exactly you look great though how you doing thank you you look great too thank you i'm fine i'm fine is the family with you usually you roll deep uh just no they're not with me anymore man usually it's the whole party when you guys come just to make up artists and um the my assistant so it's just two of us got it um we're going on to what season four now the show season four the miss pat show and season two of

miss pat settles it that season four i've always heard you know you get a pilot season you do okay you get a second season when you get to the third season is how you know you're successful. You want me to fix that for you? Yeah. Okay. Is that bad? Yeah. Yeah. Season four.

So season four is like. Well, season four, let me say this about season four. It's our best season. Really? I think it's our most watched season ever. Wow. And when I tell you the things that we thought was gonna go viral didn't like that the finale went viral i mean just the things that we had in our mind that they was gonna talk

about they didn't it was something totally different people love the show people are still discovering the show so you know i'm just happy to still be around at season four that's a big one i mean i really do think like most shows don't make it to three let alone four and then if you make it to four it's like you know the sky's the limit so that's and to be to be feeling like it's your best you know your best work because i feel like sometimes your first season is like the best word yeah it's all you've been working on forever and you had all these ideas and now you got to keep it moving so the fourth being your best is something well you know somebody just asked that question too dude i feel like we're running out of material which i don't think so because it's based off of my life and just the daily things that i go through

and then you know you got grown people in the room who write so you add some of those things in there too and that's why i always tell people it's over 90 of that show is based off of my life right now i was gonna say you got stories for days i do have stories for days but i can't tell you how much of the fifth season is gonna be based off of my life but hey it's always that we always gonna take some part of my life to throw into the show and i think that's what people love about it has has there been anything from your life that you wanted to put in the show that people were like we can't do that no no they wanted it they wanted to put in the show and people were like, we can't do that. No. They wanted to put in the show. And I was like, no, not right now.

Okay, so the opposite. So there's stuff that they want that you're saying no to. Yes. I mean, in the first season, it was with my mom's boyfriend who touched me and my sister. I didn't want to do that in the first season, so we did it later. But it's just stuff like that. Right, right.

And when i do say no a lot of time the co-creator talked me into yes you gotta be careful with that though you know what i mean because they other people are always going to just want the show to be as good or compelling as it can be so they're always going to push you to say yes well you know you probably know best this show is such a healing uh method for me because all the stuff that happened to me in my life that a lot of people, that's bad, I've closed the door on it. So when I got the Miss Pat show, I'm able to open a door and really start to talk about things that I went through and heal at the same time. And it also allowed people watching the show to heal also yeah yeah i mean i say when we do our podcast usually my your uh my pink co-host

is not here today uh but we almost treat the podcast like therapy it's like we say all of our shit and get it out so i can imagine uh it's similar when you're acting it out and going through it and you have to you really have to when you're acting it out and going through it. And you have to. You really have to. When you hold stuff in, it turns into all kind of crazy stuff. Listen, I'm an Irish Catholic guy. I know how that goes. You just push it down until you just erupt, you know?

You Irish Catholic? Yep. So you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, because we don't talk about shit. Our family doesn't, you know, we don't do yeah because we don't talk about shit our family doesn't you know we don't do feelings we don't do talks we just you just put your head down do your work keep your family up keep it moving what's that

did you go to a catholic church did you have priest problems no nothing like that but very lucky because almost the whole rest of the goddamn world did but no we were not that you know we went to church you know when my grandma was still alive we went pretty frequently and then when she when she passed away it was like you know christmas and easter we're not that hardcore but oh okay so the priest missed out on you and so you also got the ms patch uh the uh court show court show

yes which i feel like you are perfect for thank Thank you. I feel like what you say goes, you know what I mean? So I feel like if I was involved in some sort of dispute, I would be okay with you, whatever decision you give. You know what? It is such a fun show. And then I wanted it to be different from other court shows, so we brought in the jury, which is friends and family of mine. And I just wanted to make it funny because sometimes even court, you know, Judge Judy, she's funny, but it's so serious.

And it can be so boring. So I just said, hey, let's put a spin on this thing, and let's do something different. And I didn't know if it was going to work, but people love that damn court show. Can I give you some of the disputes that we've had here at Barstool and you can be the judge? Okay. Okay. One employee here, he goes by a fake name because he doesn't want his real name out there. Okay.

And another employee on purpose kept using his real name every time he was on camera. So the guy who uses the fake name took a can of seltzer, like a full can, and he threw it at his head. It missed him, but it went like right past his head. Basically like attempted murder because he threw it so hard and it was so heavy. What would be your decision on that one? Did the person who threw it got fired no he's still here he's still there did the person who ducked lose his job no everybody's still here well where the dispute at so you you you would have fired him? Uh, oh, I mean, you should have fired me too. He told him not to use his name, but I probably would. I mean, if they was in front of me and he asked him not to use his real name,

I probably would have sided with him. He told you not to use his real name. Rico's going to love this. And he should have hit you with the damn can. Right. But you wanted to be hard-headed and kept saying, I'm going to use your real name. So maybe if I hit you in the head with this can, you'll remember my fake name. I'm just saying.

Another situation. One employee doesn't like another employee. Always. Always. He goes behind this guy's back, DMs his fiance, and says, your soon-to-be husband has been sleeping around. Not true at all. What punishment would you give that employee? Life. Life in prison.

Yes. Did he get his ass whipped? Nope. Nope. The other guy. Well, what would you do if I told you that the guy who threw the can is the same guy who sent the DMs? Oh, he a bitch. Is that Francis?

No, no. Francis knows better than that. His name is Rico. He apologized, and the guy whose wife he told, he was okay with it. He was like,'t want to see anybody get fired so like all right you know fuck this guy I don't like it so is it just these because you know white boys y'all do crazy shit like that yeah you can't do the black you know y'all y'all y'all will pull on each other penises kiss each other in the mouth and it's all a joke let me ask you a question why why black people do not fuck with gay jokes at all? No, not straight men.

No. Why not? I guess it's just the way we was raised. I don't know why. Yeah, like me and John are always doing gay shit. Y'all don't probably suck each other's dick and then go home to your wife. All the time. We joke about dicks and fucking.

Yeah, put y'all dicks in each other's hands. Yeah, well, I don't go that far, but a lot of white boys do. But we'll talk about which celebrities we think are good looking and we'll talk about guys and all that and and anytime i have a black person on the show what's the word masculinity yeah that word right there is that black men's on play they they go strictly by that but wouldn't it be isn't it more masculine to be able to talk about that shit and be like i'm just joking i'm not actually gay i think it's just because of the way black men's are raised yeah you know and and it's it took the it took the black community a lot to accept gay people right you know thank god everybody's out in the world now but back in the day you couldn't be no sis you You couldn't be no whatever. No, no, no. You would get called all of that shit.

Yeah. Where white parents would act like they probably just didn't see it. Right. Well, all I see is straight. So he's straight. No, your grandma will call. Your mama will call it out from day one. So I think it's just the way we was raised.

But black men don't play that shit, y'all. You know, white boys, y'all go to sleep. Y'all put your penis on each other's head. you'll get hurt doing shit like that in the black community i don't know why i don't know why we do that shit it is we don't know why y'all do it either as a black as a black race we try to still see understand why y'all kiss y'all pets why y'all let them eat off the same spoon when you just saw that dog give itself head we don't understand that kind of shit what would you say is the weirdest thing white people do except for the things we just mentioned what's the what's the stuff that makes black people like just scratch their head like what the fuck is wrong with them the most uh

white people yeah because the the dogs and the and the gay stuff is for sure up there. I know that one. I could have guessed that one. But what's another one? Only support Trump. There's some black people who support Trump, though. I don't know why, but there are some. They ain't real.

Them niggas just started voting. They don't know shit about politics. Oh, okay. So one employee plans an event, okay? He called it the Beer Olympics. It's like we play beer pong and all these different games. He invited a bunch of celebrities, a bunch of football players, high-profile names. He's doing it in Las Vegas. All of a sudden, a bunch of these high-profile names bail. And he still is asking all of the employees of Barstool who rearranged their schedules to come to this big fancy event to still come to it even though it's not at all as it was advertised.

So originally, he made these guys change their plans because you're going to play with these football players and these comedians and celebrities. Shane Gillis was supposed to be there, and now none of them are coming. Should he cancel the event or should he still be able to have it? I think if people – did people purchase tickets? I do believe people – yes, they were supposed to fly to Vegas, so I think they bought tickets. I think he should still have it, and the good part about it is in Vegas so he should be able to get a look-alike so if you said Michael Jordan was gonna be there go get you a Michael Jordan look-alike just tell him not to talk if they say Shane Gill is gonna be there it's easy to find a big white boy like Shane Gill to get you a look-alike

listen you can find somebody who looks like Shane. You cannot find somebody who can drink like Shane. That boy can put them back. I know some women that can out-drink Shane. No way. So, shit me. How much? How much can they drink? Shane will put down like 30 Bud Lights, like no problem. But Shane a big guy, so that shit is absorbing in him like

bread. So, tell me he drunk three bottles of Patron. That's putting some shit down bill don't do them but make you piss that's all to him i feel like beer yeah it doesn't beer is just water to him at this point tell him put down three bottles of patron what's your drink of choice uh nothing you don't drink at all no i i drink a um amaryllis sour here and there but i don't drink like that that's not my shit. No? No.

Do you have a, do you like to smoke or edibles or anything? No, I like to eat. See, that's why I'm fat. What is, if you were on death row, your final meal, you get an appetizer, an entree, and a dessert. What's it going to be? I would say, well, I would say it would be Chick-fil-A because I'm going to need the church to pray for me. I'm on death row. A last minute get me into heaven.

Yeah, but I'm probably going to ask for dumb shit like shrimp and chicken. Okay. So wait, but appetizer? Shrimp? Shrimp cocktail? No, not no cocktail. I want my shit cooked. Cooked?

Okay. Yeah, I don't want to get salmonella before I die. Is that some white people shit? No, I know a lot of people eat uncooked shrimp. I don't eat nothing uncooked. I don't like cold food because I grew up poor. I can't eat that shit. So you would do some sort of shrimp appetizer. What kind of chicken are we talking?

How are we going to prepare? Fried chicken? Why the fuck am I going to eat healthy before I die? I didn't say, you know. So some fried chicken and then what's your dessert um a whole patty pie peach cobbler and i'm gonna eat it slow take your time do you have do you do they give you time on death row to eat up all your food or there's a certain time you need to die i would imagine they let you take as much time as possible but then people would you know really i want i always wanted to know about death row do they give you time to shit that food out of you or do they

just fry it all i would think because you just someone else has to take care of that yeah so three hours later you gonna have a bowel movement do they kill you with a full stomach or do they let you go to the bathroom first if i'm the if i'm the guy the coroner is going to take care of him i certainly hope that they let him shit first because i always thought about that so do you fry him with a whole full stomach why aren't they throwing up one time they electrocuted a man two times because he wouldn't die and i heard the law if they electrocute you and it don't work, they're supposed to let you go. You're free, right? Yeah, you get one

shot. Yeah, but they kept electrocuting him. Yeah, well, that's old school shit with the electric chair. Now they just give you a shot and you go to sleep. It actually sounds kind of nice, no? No. You don't want to die? What would be your ideal age to live to?

90. 90? Oh, my God. That's so fucking long. You know, white people, y'all always trying to get up out of here. And it's mainly because y'all wrinkle real bad. That's right. We age so terribly. You age so terribly.

You know what I'm going to look like when I'm 90? I'm starting to look like shit now. I'm almost 40. When I'm 90, I'm going to be a bag of bones. I was in the airport one day. And this little white girl was with her great-grandmama. It was her mama's mama's. And the lady was real wrinkled, and the little girl was crying.

She's like, I don't want to be wrinkled like her. What is wrong with her skin? I said, bitch, you about to get it. We age so terrible, and there's nothing you can really do about it. You drink water and eat healthy, all that shit. But when you start to go, it's just not a pretty sight. Well, until you guys realize you're going to start stealing black blood. I shouldn't say that shit.

Y'all running around here cutting a niggle. Don't give them any ideas. Don't give them any ideas. They'll do it. Well, that was that movie, right? Get Out, right? Was the movie. Yeah, something like that.

That's what they were doing. Yeah. I mean, you know. Facts are facts. You guys age better than us. Yeah, but Asians age better than us. Well, you know what? I feel like Asians

look like they're, like they don't age, they don't age, they don't age, and then't age, they don't age, and then one day they're like little old men and little old women who shrink and are really old. You know what I mean? But yeah, they have a good for a long time. They are the only races that shrink when they get old.

Yeah, they get really small. They're like four feet tall. Yeah, they go from six feet to four feet. Have you heard what's going on in Japan? None of them are having kids anymore. Why? I don't know what they they said like you know households used to have like three kids maybe four kids now it's like only one or two so all these old people years ago huh they did that years ago yeah so now but

now it's so now they're about to that that generation's about to die and there's no like younger generation coming up so they're about about to just kind of waste away. So, wait a minute. So they said that when these older Japanese people die, there's so few kids that were had that like 30% of their population is just going to... Well, them kids need to start fucking. Right?

Like, get it in. Your country's going to disappear. They ain't going anywhere. We won't be able to get wigs and nice things if they go anywhere you do have that nice shit they got i'm gonna tell you something they got what the fuck do you mean they got another generation they're making louis vuitton bags they're making jordans so what the hell are y'all they ain't going nowhere they make the nice shit as long as those shit ain't no old people making that shit they watching over the kids who making that shit that's true so i know shit ain't no old people making that shit. They watching over the kids who making that shit. That's true.

So I know they ain't going nowhere. Are you still touring and doing stand up or is it mostly acting? I'm just launching. Well, my new tour starts. The tickets go on sale tomorrow. It's called Miss Pat. You can go to Miss Pat comedy dot com to get ticket. But it's called Hot and Flashy.

Hot and Flashy. Hot and Flashy. Yes. I like that. So that's the name of my new tour. That's clever. That's good. I'm coming to quite a few cities, so make sure y'all go out and get your tickets. It's going to be fun.

It's a new hour. Wow. So, you know. The show, you're judging and on tour? I have two TV shows, and I'm on tour, and I'm working on some other things. And you're going all around the country i have two tv shows and i'm on tour and i'm working on some other things and you're going like all around the country i'm going all around the country i leave here i leave new york and i'm headed to um north carolina greensboro north carolina one of the one of the things i'm most uh i guess impressed of with when every whenever the comics come

through is the amount of travel that you you guys will still once you've made it, once you're secure financially. You're still going. You know, it's not just like you go to New York, Chicago, Miami, L.A. It's like you're going to little cities. You're going to every state. Yeah, I just left Greenville. Crazy. Let me tell you why.

Because as a comedian, they can give you all these TV shows. They can give you all of this other stuff. But your stand-up is what you own. They can cut the lights off on Miss Pat Settles and the Miss Pat Show anytime they want to. They can't cut my comedy tour lights out. That's my show. Right.

You know, along with having my podcast, The Pat Down. So I make sure I keep in place what got me here. So I try to stay fresh and up on my comedy because this is all I got. Right. The minute you stop doing that. Yeah, you ain't got shit. And you can tell. As a fan,

you can tell which people keep their comedy fresh and they're with it and they know what's going on and you can tell the people who are just collecting a bag go off and do whatever else. But it's a long life.

You're going to live until 90. You still got to work. I want to live to 90. I be here to 90 i want to i can't wait to see cars flying you think when do you think cars are gonna fly probably about 15 years you think i think yeah i mean look at that ugly shit uh that tells you that truck that truck the hell you want to ride that i feel like i will feel like i'm in a blender that That car, to me, is so small. And I'm a big woman. The windows look so tiny. I mean, just think if a truck could roll over that bitch.

How you going to get me out of there? Yeah, I'm with you. I feel like before we got to get to flying cars, we got to do the self-driving cars. Well, they got them. I know. Do you trust those? Hell no. Yeah. driving cars. Well, they got them. I know. Do you trust those? Hell no. Yeah, I could never,

I don't think I could ever get in a car and just not be behind the wheel and trust that it'll be okay. Those cars have already had wrecks. That's just like, you ever see those things that deliver foods?

Yeah. I think that is the dumbest shit. Like robot things? I saw one stuck in the street the other day. And I'm saying, it was a Chick-fil-A one too. I said,

don't tell me God is always on time. It's just stuck in the street. other day and i'm saying it was a chick-fil-a one too i said don't tell me god is always on time this is stuck in the street everybody blowing at it and it got confused and it just sat there yeah so i'm saying first of all chick-fil-a is really good but they fries are shit so you my fries stuck in this little motherfucking microwave in the middle of the street in california yes so by the time you get your food it ain't gonna be wolf shit yeah i don't even do doordash i don't do none of that i go get my own food yeah it's gotta be fresh because you know people show up and they shoes dirty they they clothes dirty got their babies in the car they dogs in the car no i'm not eating that shit that's some white people shit again right like i'll eat nasty. I know, but if it came to...

I don't even think about that. Yeah, well, I don't let you doodash my shit. Not even my panty line. I'm going to get my own shit. You probably spit in the seat of them. I don't know. You're wild, Ms. Pat. It's just the shit I think about.

Yeah, your brain goes to the craziest places. That's how you keep from getting kidnapped. Is that a concern of yours, getting kidnapped? No, I'm big. Who the fuck, who gonna pick me up? Then why are you worried about getting kidnapped? Because you don't know what, if some crazy motherfucker might think he can pick me up

and run off with me. You know, I got fans now. Yeah, do you have any like stalkers or anything like that? Stalkers? Yeah. For what? You know, crazy fans who are like obsessed with you I was asking what the fuck is on your mind well listen it's because people get obsessed with like your your comedy and

your success and they want to be you and all that shit no I won't be this fat crazy you look great yeah I am looking great but I don't have no stalkers I play look go you want to go look if you gonna stalk somebody at least get some out of it I ain't gonna give stalkers. I'm like, look, if you're going to stalk somebody, at least get something out of it. I ain't going to give you no pussy. I got on a spank. Me and you together can't pull this bitch down.

So you're stalking the wrong fucking person. These ain't the titties that you want to suck because my areola got hair on them. So, you know, I'm going to just tell them you're wasting your time.

Take your energy and stalk something that's fuckable. I'm not. Fuck around and get peed on. I don't stalk her. If you were younger and single, would you be on dating apps? Would you do that shit?

Dating apps? Yeah. No. For what? I don't know. To get a boyfriend? To get laid? I don't know. I mean, you know, I don't know to get a boyfriend to get laid i don't know i mean you know i don't know i think it's crazy back in the day when you wanted a man you went to the club or you went to the

church right you went to church or uh to the club so i guess that would be a dating nap i don't know i got some girlfriends that don't date naps but i mean i don't even everybody needs somebody and that's why they made dildos dildos how you pronounce them dildos yeah so you know i'd rather have a be dealing with a dildo all these dicks out here about dudding now maybe you should have a like a miss pat line of dildos i don't even like dildo they so unchristian five they what they unchristian five unchristian five because think about this and this is why i don't use a dildo because they say everything you do in your life god is gonna flash it back to you right god gonna set that before this is what the bible say i ain't never read it this is what them people at church told me they said god is gonna show you

everything you ever did so i don't want god showing me with no deal doing my vagina and he was like pat with all this good dick i put out here why are you using the face i don't want to answer that question the real thing yeah so you're you're not mad that he would say this is this is uh impure you're just mad he's gonna be mad that you didn't go get real dick i think he would be mad all this dick he put out here then y'all out here sticking these fucking plastic rods in your vagina and you know yo but those some of those things can do shit that a man can't uh i'm quite sure they can and god gave the person the knowledge to make those things yeah right i mean and another thing sir i'm fat so i have this flap over my vagina i don't feel

like peeling that shit back to take it in and out it's just my arms hurt i got a little bit of arms i can't i can barely wipe my ass i can't put it in that i mean i ain't never used a tampon day in my life i'm not playing in my ass i I'm just not going to do that. That ain't me. So that ship just sailed for you. You're just not. You're not doing it. That's young people shit.

Yeah. You know, they shave their vaginas. They pierce their nipples. They pierce their cliques. And I just don't understand it. Imagine getting your clit pierced. You got to be like in the tattoo parlor with the guy. He's going to get up in your shit. It's crazy to mention he's got hurt like a motherfucker uh i'm quite

sure it's do that it's just like somebody putting a piercing through your penis i mean and then who gonna see the piercing yeah unless you go and make your only fan and make you some money well now that's something that ain ain't nothing but prostitution. That's porn. Yeah, but you make a lot of money. Here's the thing about OnlyFans. A lot of them are doing it solo. It's just them.

There's no guy or other person involved. So it's just like you're masturbating and getting a lot of money for it. Well, I don't masturbate, so I don't know. But if you could get paid... I wouldn't do that. How much money for you to have an OnlyFans? I wouldn't have an OnlyFans. What if I told you right now you could make

$100 million a year on OnlyFans? Well, I have a daughter that ain't getting fucked. I would put her on there and cover up her head. So you would tell her? You would say, listen... We fad a lot and I tell everybody, it's me and then i do the voice off all right i like that plan i like that plan um all right it's always a great time we're gonna go do some answer the internet next okay that's great so we got um miss pat show what's the what's the judge show called uh miss pat

settles it and it has a miss pat show the new tour called? Miss Pat Settles It, and it has a Miss Pat show. The new tour called Hot and Flashy, go and sell tomorrow, and the code is FLASHY to get the tickets up front. All you gotta do is go to msmisspatcomedy.com and make sure you follow me on Comedian Miss Pat on my Instagram. Wait, before we go, I just wanted to ask you, because I feel like

the last couple years between podcasts and the pandemic and all that, comedy really became – in my mind, it's like sports and then there's comedy. And I feel like people even follow comedians the way they follow sports stars. You know what I mean? True. Like I'm a fan of this one. I don't like this one.

It's almost like they play fantasy sports with like their favorite comedians. But just in general, the whole comedy scene has elevated, right? But someone like yourself who's been in it for so long, do you like seeing that? Do you think that it's like – sometimes I feel like now everybody's selling out. Everybody's got a podcast. And the bar is maybe not where it once used to be. What do you think about the whole comedy revolution? Well, it's no different than a mcdonald's on every damn corner you just go to the one you like do you like mcdonald's do you like red lobster well

i wouldn't say mcdonald's restaurants you just pick whatever you like and you go to it it's it is a lot of comedians on tour but it's also a lot of fucking rappers on tour true there's also a lot of other things a lot of shows on tv hey netflix got nine billion shows you just go and pick the one that you want and you know you i hope my tour is routed where when i go through there has been a minute since they seen comedy so they excited to see me oh i'm just different enough that they just they they excited to see me so you know it's a lot of everything i don't think you need to worry about it i feel like you're very unique you know i mean i'm not it's a million white boys that's what's different that's the thing yeah that's what you didn't want to say it's 100 white boy

but it's all something that also saw my head that sucks and then you have something that's really fucking funny yeah so people pick the ones that they want joe rogan sell out arenas yep burt chrysler sell out arenas tom sagar sell out arenas then you get somebody like another comedian they might sell out theaters so you just pick the ones that you want do you ever see somebody who you think uh doesn't deserve it or like i'm never gonna say what a person don't deserve because you don't know what they fucking hustle is i mean you can sit there and say oh that person ain't that funny to me i don't even say that i mind my goddamn business if that person figured out a way for y'all to buy

all those tickets then hey oh be it i i hope i can figure out a way so i can one day move to arenas i just moved to theaters hell i'm worried about selling out of theaters it's no joke selling tickets we did you know a couple clubs and a couple theaters for the podcast and it is such a fucking grind yes it's a grind you gotta like hammer these people every day with the tickets and the link and the promo because people got so much shit to do yeah and you know everything's in the palm of their hand which is their phone so you have to constantly keep telling them hey go buy tickets go buy tickets go buy tea and i have fans that's more like last minute and then when all the tickets gone well why you didn't say well bitch you waited till the last minute for six months yeah yeah and my and my audience is so diverse where you have a certain the income brackets is all over the place you know know? So you might have these people get the tickets

up first and I'm gonna get this for him when I get my check. I'm gonna get it when I get, you know, you just never know. Yep.

Well, I think you'll be doing it forever the way you keep up with the comedy and your work ethic and whatnot. So let's go do some Answer the Internet.

All right, Answer the Internet. Let's go. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.