KFC Radio - Dennis Rodman, Kevin Nealon, and the Dating Report Card

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

Two legends on the show today, Dennis Rodman (30:25) and Kevin Nealon (1:25:10). Nealon talks about being part of the Happy Madison crew and doing stand-up for 40 years. Rodman talks about watching a girl suck a horse's dick and fucking other guy's wives. Voicemails (59:20) include: the dating report card, fight a gorilla or popsicle fingers, my mom thinks ur gay, and hard dicks are canceled. Also, John has a girlfriend.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another episode of KFC Radio brought to you by Roman. Romans. Romans got down. Right? Romans? Yeah, the Romans, didn't they, like, invent, like, group sex and stuff? I don't know. The Greeks get a lot of it. The Greeks. Yeah, but the Romans and the Greeks are like. Same thing. Yeah, I mean, it's like the Yankees and Red Sox.

They're probably against each other, but they're at the top of the game. I love assholes. Yeah. Love assholes. Roman. And they love dicks, man. And we all love dicks out there. I love my dick.

I want it to work. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it doesn't, and I want it to. And 52% of people apparently 52% of guys experience erectile dysfunction

that's it it's a higher number 48% of guys lie 52% of people reported it 52% of people were willing to admit it you see how quick

I did that math by the way yeah it was very impressive uh and sometimes you just think like oh that's just like the way we're built and like uh

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now you go to GetRoman.com slash KFC, complete a brief online visit and a licensed physician will review you. They'll either prescribe you or ask you a couple more questions and they will help solve your problem. Go to Get get Roman.com slash KFC. What? Speaking of Evie stuff, you know, I read an article the other day. It sucks being women. It sucks being women. It sucks being women so fucking bad. Well, yeah.

Naturally, but what did the article say? It was about when Viagra was tested initially as a heart medication, and then it was discovered to be, you know, it gets a hard dick. How about that first guy, by the way? Like, oh, my heart's broken. Like, they got this medicine for me. I'm going to take it. I'm going to be better.

Whoa, buddy. What's going on here? It was... A surprise boner is not always welcome. No. In a medical test, it would be severely unwelcome. Yes. Look, not right now. We're doing a hard thing. Not that kind of hard thing. A different hard thing.

It's like when Fred says he gets a call about someone he doesn't want to talk about. We are not doing boners today. Okay? We're doing hard stuff today. We're not doing boner calls right now. But so it's sildenafil citrate, I guess, is what Viagra is. And when it was tested, it found out that it does the dick stuff. But it was also found out to really relieve menstrual cramps and help a lot women on their period. Right. And the doctors were like, we should test this more. relieve menstrual cramps and help a lot women on their period.

And the doctor's like, we should test this more. And all the big pharma guys, executives were guys, and they were like, no one cares about that. So wait, girls could be taking Viagra right now for menstrual cramps and they just don't? Yeah.

The testing hasn't been done. Nobody cares about that. Hallelujah said big pharma and research seats. This is after the known properties to help your dick. However, in subsequent tests, the same drug was found to offer total relief for serious period pain over four hours. This didn't impress the male review panel who refused further funding, remarking that cramps were not a public health priority. It's like the biggest problem in the female community. It's like, this is the thing that

has plagued us since the beginning of humanity. It's like, nah. More than being an asshole, that just seems like smart business. Like, let's serve the other half of the people. Let's double our money. Half the people who are going to be this time, they're going to swear by it for a long time. Let's get the other half involved. It's Right, then it's double our money. Right. Wow. Half the people are going to be this. That's how rough it is. They're going to swear by it for a long time.

Let's get the other half involved. It's like, girls, we big farmers care so little they don't even want your money. Well, not here. We care about the girls because we're the number one feminist podcast on the planet. And girls, I'll get you some Roman. Yeah. You know what? Pop that for period cramps. Why not?

There was a test done in 20. We are not equipped to give medical advice. That's true. Well test done in 20. We are not equipped to give medical advice. That's true. Well, that's clear. I'm not equipped to give any advice, yet here I sit. Yet here we are, seven years later, thousands of voicemails later, still doing the damn thing. Today, I have one message for you, and that's you have hate in your heart. Let it out.

You in a bad mood? I'm in a bad mood. What? Even after Kinky Boots? Kinky Boots was great. Kinky Boots was great. Me and John, we had a date night. Tiki Barber was not.

Tiki Barber was so bad. He was really bad. Kept doing this fake accent. He was like, hello, bloke. No, he only said, he only did, the play takes place in Northchester, Northampton? Something like that. A little bit in London. And the only time Tiki

Viber even attempted an accent was when he said bloke. He'd be like, we gotta make these boots, bloke. What the fuck is going on? But the show itself was fucking fantastic. It could not. Sometimes, you know, I always say this, I think I'm on the Truman show,

or sometimes just the serendipity of it all last night was children's night at the theater and it was an opportunity for new people to get involved in the theater so they were like so to all the children out there who came tonight this is after the show and to all the newcomers maybe this is your first show ever like welcome and John's like this guy right here I'm like motherfucker they gave me a sticker that said my first show it's like this is a gift from the content gods man

so yeah Kinky Boots was great and then walking through Times Square afterwards and motherfucking Ken Jeong Ken Jeong his giant Asian face just taking up like because he's Asian you're always pointing out to him that he's Asian he knows he's taking up like... Why do you always say Asian? Because he's Asian. Because he's Asian. You're always pointing out to him that he's Asian. He knows.

He's taking up... It goes from like 42nd Street to 45th Street. That big old mug of his. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I can't go anywhere without this guy haunting me. It was all good. It was great. It was like, Kiki Boots was great, and then Ken John kind of ruined my night. And then me and John,

we went to have a nightcap. And I am not kidding you. I'm not exaggerating. I'm really, truly, genuinely not. I'm speaking dead ass serious and honest from the heart. We had the worst fan interaction I've ever had at Barstool Sports. People are always asking us. We never had an answer.

We're like, I don't know. Now I got one. Okay, have an answer. This was worse than the guy who came up to me at Saloon and ate my lettuce off my plate. Remember that one? He ate the garnish, the plate garnish. Yeah.

That guy, he looks like a fucking, I want to hang out with that guy compared to this dude. This cat comes over and he literally, me and John are just sitting there. It's a quiet bar at Park Avenue Tower, quiet bar. And he starts off by going, hey, what's up, guys? What's up, guys? Love the content. Why don't you just shut the fuck up for a second and let me pitch you? I was like, I immediately looked the other way. I was just like, okay, I'm done with this.

Me and John are sitting on... Who the fuck? What kind of salesman starts with why don't you shut the fuck up for a second? And we weren't talking by the way. By the way, wasn't talking. So he leans in between me and John. We're both sitting next to each other

at a bar, bar stool, distance apart. He leans in with his phone out. Wedges in. Wedges in. Like his shoulder

is touching my shoulder. His other shoulder is touching John. He literally wedges. He uses his hands to like split us apart. Like move the fuck over and shut the fuck up.

I'm going to pitch you. And I'm like, and this is where, I mean, we're so fucking, the amount that we don't want confrontation to the fact that like no you. And I'm like, and this is where, I mean, we're so fucking, the amount that we don't want confrontation to the fact that like, no, neither of us were like, bro,

get the fuck away from me. But what are you supposed to do? You know, like then you're an asshole. Then you cause a scene. So I'm like, all right, let's just get this over with. He proceeds to pitch us. He's like, you've probably seen this before. You've probably seen this before. Everybody's seen this before. You know what the airport when you get the feedback, like tablets. I was like, no, I

don't know what that is. And he pulls up a picture and like at, he's like, they're in Newark, they're in LaGuardia, they're at JFK. It's like a little fucking stand on the table that has like good, bad, satisfactory, excellent or some shit like that. And you push a button to rate what? I don't know what we're rating. Waiter service or TSASA service I've seen one leaving

a bathroom so I guess you would rate the cleanliness of the bathroom how good your shit was fine great it great what the fuck does this have to do with anything he's like yeah I'm sure Dave has seen these in the airport I'm like I'm sure he has I don't fucking know what that means

but even if we all did know what this is what are we supposed to do with this? And then he's like, okay, whatever, man. Who fucking cares? I got this whore over here that I'm with. I got this whore. She's got a size 100 ass. I mean, hey, I wish she didn't have a big ass, but beggars can't be choosers. I found her on Seeking.

You know Seeking, right? Seeking Arrangements. It's like Craigslist. It's like Backpage. You can buy a hooker. You can fuck a whore. You can buy her for cheap. Fuck these whores with fat asses. I was like, you are a horrible person, sir. It's like back page. You can buy a hooker. You fuck a whore. You can buy her for cheap. Fuck these whores. It's fat asses. I was like, you are a horrible person, sir. It's like, first of all, she can hear you. She's like two seats away. Two seats away. It's like she

knows. I felt so awful. It's like, you have hired this lady of the night. Treat her with a little bit of respect. You fucking asshole. And then he ordered shots. And I honestly, the bartender might have thought that I was kidnapped. I was trying to give her eyes like, help, help me.

And then she came over afterwards and she was talking to us because we're nice gentlemen. But don't even brush past. Don't even brush past because we get the shots. And he's like, all right, cheers to you guys. Fucker right in the pussy. I was like, did you just say that unironically? You got to be fucking kidding me. Can I just backtrack?

The entire pitch was just these things that are showing us. Well, and at one point he goes like, I mean, I guess this is a pretty inopportune time to talk about my like feedback devices at the airport. Like, yes, yes, it is. The most fucking 11 o'clock on a Monday night, Tuesday night at the bar. Like two guys who definitely don't want to talk to you. And even if we did, we don't know what the fuck we would do. But you would have thought that KFC radio is an airport rating device podcast. It was like, oh, this is a perfect match.

Like, wow, this is really useful for us. You fucking did. He just saw something in an airport and he wanted to tell you, basically. No, he sells them. I mean, he was trying to pitch us on it, but it was just like, what? Where do we come in? Can I, you want me to buy one? Like, for the podcast

or something? What are you talking about? And then he kept going, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla. It was like, every cliche I've had. It was like someone hired him to come over. Again, Truman Show. I was like, is this a prank? Like't It was like someone hired him To come over Again Truman Show I was like Is this a prank

Like are we Are you doing this on purpose And that poor hooker She seemed fine They came back They came back I know They came back

And he gave us another shot Oh that's right He gave us another shot It was like a shot of tequila To end the night Which is always The last thing you need Just like

Well the fun is over This You know The alcohol The buzz provided from this shot Is not necessary It's just going to contribute To the hangover tomorrow And the girl which is always the last thing you need. Just like, well, the fun is over. This, you know, the alcohol, the buzz provider from this shot is not necessary. It's just going to contribute to the hangover tomorrow. And the girl, the bartender comes over later. This is in between.

No, I was all right. I'm pretty good today. I was like, one of those mornings where it was like, I woke up going like, ugh, and then a shower. Yeah, right, right. Which is pretty much every morning. Yeah. But she came over in between when the guy first left,

which is crazy that he came back, because he was like, I'm going to go back and hang out with them. She's my boy. Yeah. She was like, oh, I thought that was your friend. And I was like, do I put off the vibe

that that would be someone I associate with? It's like, that is the rudest thing anybody has ever, ever said to me my whole life. She was very pretty, though, the bartender. Yeah, she looked like Angela White. Yeah. I don't know if pretty is the way I would describe

Angela White. Angela White's very pretty. She's a freak. Watch her have anal, that's all. But she's very pretty. So, we have a new... So that took up all of the hate in my heart

oh I have mine's dispersed I've had a rough 12 hours oh no wait John your hate is brought to you by Tommy John oh yeah Tommy John is my love well I was gonna say the only thing that can like counteract some of this hate

is how much you love your uh your dick and balls all up inside some Tommy John. Tommy John underwear. I'm glad you finished that sentence because I think you're just going to leave it at how much I love my dick and balls. Don't love that. I don't hate my dick and balls. Sometimes I do.

But we have a fine... I don't know. We're still early in our relationship. We're not even halfway through, I don't think. I mean, I used to be like when you're a teenager, you're in the honeymoon phase with your dick and balls. And you're like, I don't think. I mean, I used to be like, when you're like a teenager, you have like, you're in the honeymoon phase with your dick and balls. You know? And you're like, I love this thing.

And then you get sick of it in like your 20s. And now in your 30s, I'm just like, it's there. I'm in my 30s. I'm like, yeah. I'm back in.

Oh, you're coming back around like kind of like your second act with your dick? Exactly. I'm still waiting on that. But wherever you're at, this stage with your dick, Tommy. I'm still waiting on that. But wherever you're at, this stage with your dick, Tommy John

is the most comfortable way to hold them and support them. They are, I don't even know what material. It's like, I think NASA uses them for the spacesuits. It's just like some scientifically engineered, it's probably just cotton and spandex, but I don't know. It's so comfortable. And they got

the quick draw fly. You ever see, I mean, there's nothing worse know. It's so comfortable. And they got the quick draw fly. You ever see, I mean, there's nothing worse than you're at the urinal and you got the other fly, like the normal fly and you, you gotta like snake your dick out. You know what I mean? But I always do this thing. I always like, I like put my ass out as I'm digging in. You ever do that? Like, I'm just like lean forward and I like grab it and have to snake it out. Like, why do, why do I have, why am am I doing the fucking hip thing? You ever do that?

You know how Tommy John has the quick draw fly so you just... But the other one, how you have to snake around? When I snake around, for some reason I put my ass out digging around for it. I gotta find it. It's a whole production. I'd rather just grab them.

I don't think I do that, but the quick draw is still the way to go. No wedgies. I don't think I do that. But the quick draw is still the way to go. No wedgies. The underwear doesn't roll up, doesn't roll down, stays in place. Comfortable, affordable. Girls, you can get involved. I would imagine that a Tommy John thong is just the most comfortable thing you ever put on your butt.

Can you just do me a favor and go buy one? Just get like an extra, extra, extra large women's thong at Tommy John. Come on. Just do it. I'll get Spider's credit card. I'm not buying one. Go to TommyJohn.com slash KFC now. Get 20% off your first order.

How weird is that to say you're going to get Spider's credit card? What a world where he's got access to all the money. What a world. I love Spider, but Spider, can i have some money please what are you mad about tell me okay i'm mad about a few things first of all i'm mad about just last time we got home uh i was watching bruins highlights and started tweeting about the bruins and i'm just in a bad mood because like i don't know people people with the bruins at the deadline all boston fans all Bruins fans were just like,

like, doesn't get you past Tampa. How the fuck do you know? Well, yeah, I mean, nobody can predict the future. But like, that's so annoying when it doesn't get you past Tampa. How the fuck? That's your reason. The Bruins have two good players at the deadline. Wait a minute.

No, if I'm like, dude, the Jets have Sam Donald. They're fucking ready. You'd be like, well, you're not going to beat the Pats. But no, if the Tampa fans were saying that, that's fine. If Tampa fans were telling me you're not going to beat the Pats, that's okay. That's fine. I mean, Bruins fans are being like... So you're just mad that they're down on your team?

I'm just mad at Boston sports fans in general. Because it was, in the playoffs, Red Sox playoffs, it was, this bullpen can't get you past the Astros. Right. Where the fuck, where are we at? Yeah. What do we do? Yeah, that bullpen probably won you the World Series. We won the World Series? Did we? But specifically that bullpen. I mean, they stepped up

in like more than I've ever seen a unit of a baseball team step up. And then all season with the Patriots, it was, look, you need home field because this team can't beat Kansas City at Arrowhead. What do we do? Well, that was really silly. Anybody who said that, you need home field because this team can't beat Kansas City at Arrowhead. What do we do? Well, that was really silly. Anybody who said that, like Arrowhead Stadium is some like... Did we win the Super Bowl?

I think so. Okay. So to say that like this doesn't get you back. Yes, the Bruins, it made me so mad. And then like someone was like, dude, your take on Boston sports are always just like, this team's good. Yeah, I fucking know.

They're all good. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Literally, two of my teams are the current champions and two of them are legitimate championship contenders. They're fucking good. Those are my takes. I can't relate. To pretend otherwise would be disingenuous and stupid. I can't even contribute in any way to this conversation.

They're fucking really good teams. Bruins, I think, have the third best record in the NHL. Yeah, that's a good team. I'm confident with that team. I will take that team to fucking Tampa. Why don't you make a shirt that says the Bruins are good? Tuka Rask. That dude's like fucking, honestly, I think that dude's 14.

I'll win three in his last 17 games. That motherfucker is good. Good. I'll go to war with that guy. Make a new shirt that says Tuka Rask. That motherfucker is good. That motherfucker is really good. Double down on that shit.

But yeah, I was very annoyed by that last night. People have been like, they only won one game against Tampa last year. Okay, the fuck does that matter? Sure. I hate you so much. Yeah, they won one game against Tampa last year. I mean, I would be in the other camp. I'd be down on my team.

There's no... You have reason to be down on your team. Boston sports fans pretending to be down on their team are just fucking fake idiots. There's no reason to have nothing but faith in all of our current teams. Yeah. What's the point of even being good

if you're not going to act like it as a fan? Oh, we get Mark Stone. Look, I wanted Mark Stone too. I don't want to like act like it as a fan oh we get mark stone look i wanted mark stone too i don't want to give him fucking nine mil a year for the next eight years but i wanted him at the trade deadline didn't get him i'm very fucking comfortable with this team that's one uh well one but they've got points in 14 straight games i believe you're sexy when you talk sports john like yeah i'll go i'll take this. I'm fine going into the playoffs with this fucking team. Oh, by the way, we're adding David Pasternak, too. I don't know. Just an all-star.

One of the best goal scorers in the NHL. We're going to add him, too. Wears cool hats. Wears great hats. Fucking A. Anyway, Bruins fans always really get me going. Hockey fans are the worst. You guys suck. Hockey fans are trash. Bruins fans are always just so down on our luck.

Oh, Don Tweenie didn't come through. He had two very solid hockey players that are great playoff hockey players. They're like the build and the physical style of play that you need in the playoffs. They're a great team built for the playoffs. Fucking let's see what happens. I'm very confident.

I know from players on the Lightning that they're scared of the Bruins, so you should be scared, so don't fucking feel the Lightning Bruins fans. Go off, King. God damn. Anyway, Taylor Swift better put out a new musical. You really fucked me, man. Taylor, she's dropping all sorts of hints.

I have a feeling that Taylor Swift is pulling a Lost. Like, you know, Lost just made all these fucking references and illusions and dropped hints. And everyone was like, well, this means that. And so this is going to happen. And then nothing happened. I think that's what's happening. No, but she, I mean, she does it every, every. Every time she drops an album.

Every album. I mean, the shit that you were showing me last night. The, like. She's so. She wore this shirt. I don't want to give her all the credit in the world. She definitely has a team. Yeah. Like, three years ago, she was dropping hints wore this shirt like i don't want to give her months ago she definitely has a team yeah like three years ago she was dropping hints about this palm tree shit well

i was thinking last night you know some of this i'm like come on this is silly like is she really thinking this far ahead and i'm thinking on our podcast or when we do a video whatever we give it like a couple hours of thought like how should we drop this should we like should i put this promo clip in or should we just should we drop it at midnight should we drop this? Should I put this promo clip in or should we just drop it at midnight? Should we drop it? Imagine if we were like a multi bajillion dollar machine of Taylor Swift with a whole team of people.

They'd probably be like, yeah, no, like three years in the making. You were wearing this shirt with this necklace and there's six palm trees and there's seven fucking holes in the painting and they're... All for what? Also, this conspiracy theory starts in what? I mean, really though, like all for what?

Also, this conspiracy theory starts in this promotion. Right, but like, Taylor Swift, I don't think he needs any promotion anymore. You're right. She probably could just drop an album and be like,

here's the album, you're welcome. Like she could do the Beyonce being like, literally zero promotion. Isn't this fun? Yeah, I love it. The conspiracy theory, like anyway,

I was in full Pepe Silva mood last night. Yeah. It's fucking, it's fun. It's cool, it's entertaining. She's an entertainer. It's fun. It's cool. It's entertaining. He's an entertainer. But it's entertaining.

But Lost was like my favorite thing ever. And then it was the ultimate disappointment when nothing happened. So how upset are you going to be? But this one's so clear that something's happening. It's so fucking clear. John, what if. I'll go chain myself to the fucking Champions Plaza statue. Chicago.

Yeah. I'll give a fuck. It's because this is happening. I'm so confident. It's happening. This is happening. Are you on the record? I could do it. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. It's because this is happening. I'm so confident. It's happening. This is happening. Are you on the record? I could do it, yeah.

You will go to Chicago and chain yourself to like a White Sox statue or something if Taylor Swift doesn't put out a new album when? By when? By Saturday night. Saturday? Midnight? Like Saturday? Yeah. I said it as a joke, but if you're going to hold me to it, I'll fucking do it.

I'll give a shit. Yeah, listen. We don't do that around here. You say you're going to chain yourself to it, I'll fucking do it. Yeah. Listen, we don't, we don't, we don't do that around here. You said you're going to change yourself to a statue. We do these. Well,

it's one thing. It's one thing to say it as, you know, to be the first to say it. And then it's a, to reference it, but whatever. I don't give a fuck.

I'll do it. Um, the, uh, I hope she doesn't drop. I really hope that I have. I'm that confident. I'm that confident.

I mean, do you imagine John chained up with like a sign or something like that and the cameras and him being like, you let me down, Taylor. I mean, this is the kind of, this is like, it would be like someone being like, she's

dropping hints that she wants to marry you and be like, yeah, it's a nice ring. It's a nice house for us. And you buy the ring, propose, and she says no. And you're like, you've made a million hints. What are you talking about? No yeah, it's a nice ring. It's a nice house for us. And you buy the ring, propose, and she says no. And you're like, you've made a million hints. What are you talking about? No. Taylor's made a million hints.

She's leading you on. She's leading you on. She's going to be some serious, serious leading on. I'm ready for new Taylor Swift music. But some people apparently aren't, which is totally okay. But it was. I'm in that camp. It was a particular tweet that triggered me yesterday where – so I tweeted out the blog to the conspiracy theory and all that,.connecting.

And someone replied, no one cares. About Taylor Swift? Yeah. And it doesn't – it bothers me. The universe begs to differ. It bothered me in particular because it was about Taylor Swift. But also just that, like, people say that on the internet to every tweet. Every single tweet. Like, Adam Scheff will tweet about an NFL trade.

No one cares. Anything that that person doesn't care about, they say no one cares about. And it's because people are fucking soft and fucking marshmallow. And they need to feel like they're part of the majority. And, like, dude, everyone cares about Taylor Swift. Everyone cares about NFL transactions. Everyone cares. If you say no one cares on the internet,

have some balls, have some personal responsibility and say, I don't care. That's fine to not care. It's totally fine. But to pretend you're in the majority to feel safe about it is fucking cowardly. Say, say, I don't care.

Don't say no one cares. People care about literally everything. Everything. Everything people care about. Yep. To sit there and be like, no one cares. You're just wrong.

And you're a fucking idiot. Johnny. Johnny's coming in hot. Johnny accountability here. He is not fucking around. I'll say, I'll say, I don't care about almost everything.

It's almost, I say, I don't care. It's the same thing as troll. You're, you're being a troll. It's like, I'm saying something that you disagree with, and so you need to tell yourself that I'm

just doing this to arouse you, to fucking rile you up. No. That's what I think. Yeah, that's my opinion. You disagreeing with my opinion does not make me a troll. And you not caring about something doesn't mean that the world doesn't care about it. You fucking cowards. She's literally one of the biggest pop stars on the planet

I would have said biggest but I think Ariana Grande is taking that crown she's the second biggest pop star on the planet I saw a fucking billboard not a billboard but like a big ass you know when they just like it was just like a wall on the sidewalk that was all Ariana Grande and she had it on like her latex fucking bunny ears thing

and someone gave her a Hitler mustache it was funny a big Hitler mustache. It was funny. A big, it was a big Hitler mustache. But it was funny. Fucked up. Yeah, man, listen, people are cowards. I bet you that fat guy at the bar with the hooker would be a guy tweeting, no one cares. Yeah, exactly. Fuck her right in the pussy.

I'm going to smash you right in your face. Yeah, I nailed that one. Yo, let's talk to Dennis Rodman My white whale My giant black whale It's rare That uh You get to I mean like I did that

Dennis Rodman storyboard and by my You know by my standards I like immersed myself in the world of Dennis Rodman Meaning like I worked on the storyboard for two weeks. Most documentary people are like, I traveled around the world tracking you down for 10 years. Well, I wrote extra long for two weeks. But I knew Dennis Rodman inside and out from where he grew up

to his surrogate family to the kid who died playing with the shotgun and the growth spurt and how he was a janitor and how Craig Sager saved his, I mean, I know everything about this dude. And then what? A couple months later, we get him to come through these doors and he is,

I said, he's the most underrated or underappreciated human, maybe of all time. Certainly athlete. Like we, we know he's crazy, but you don't appreciate how crazy he is until you really dig into it. or underappreciated human, maybe of all time. Certainly athlete. Like, yeah, we know he's crazy, but you don't appreciate how crazy he is until you really dig into it, because you're so numb to him.

It's like, oh, Dennis Rodman did another crazy thing? No big deal. But when you really start to break it down, it's a big deal. What did Simmons do? Simmons said the Tyson zone. Right, where you'll just believe any story about him. Had Simmons started writing earlier,

it would be the Rodman thing. Right, and you kind of become numb to it whereas like a rod is like squeaky clean but then all of a sudden he has like a bombshell scandal everybody talks about it but if a rod was like rodman and kept fucking up along the way then his big you know transgression wouldn't be a big deal rodman was so crazy that people were numb to it whereas it's like but if you look at everything from you know his suicide attempts to his celebrity marriages to his breaking his dick and his rehab and then north korea he's fascinating so he comes through and he sits down here first of all just to paint a little color when he walked in uh his

publicist or whatever he asked everyone to bow said like dennis robin is here please bow now i love the worm clearly literally i just gushed about the guy. Actually, had I been in the room, I might have bowed. I might have been the only one to do it. Nobody else bowed. And the guy went over to Devlin afterwards and was like, yo, man, what was up with that? Nobody bowed. And Devlin was like, yeah, sorry, man.

I just like, we don't do that around here. We don't bow for people around here. Sorry. But that's the type of cat and the type of operation that Robin's running. So Dennis sat down with us. And as much as I want to talk about Michael Jordan and Kim Jong and all that shit, we talked about. All Dennis Robin wants to talk about is sex. Yeah.

If you didn't believe in sex addiction, like you said. Right. He's a sex addict. Listen to Dennis Robin. He's a sex addict. And to this. And not only sex. I asked a question about Twitter. You started talking about fucking someone's wife. Not only sex with humans.

Not only sex with humans and other people's wives. Talking sex with other species as well. Which is crazy. Even like by my standards, I was like, I'm a little uncomfortable right now. I also told him right to his face that I would never let him fuck my girl. It's like, well, due respect, Dennis, last person I want you to fuck anybody who I'm having sex with. So, my white whale is here. We talked to him.

This interview is brought to you by Raycon. I am the last member. I'm one of the last members. Oh, finally. I'm one of the last members of the resistance. I wear my cord full headphones. I like

the cord. I don't like the airpods. The Apple airpods, they fall out of my ears. I don't like how you carry the little thing around. They don't fit. I don't like the way it sounds. It was out on the airpods. And everybody who's been hounding me, oh, you're poor because you have wires on your cords. I don't care about all that. I don't like the way it sounds. It was out on the AirPods. And everybody who's been hounding me,

oh, you're poor because you have wires on your cords. I don't care about all that. I just want, if you gave me some wireless headphones that fit right and sounded good and were affordable, the AirPods are like $2 zillion. I would rock out. So Raycon comes along. Raycon says, we got you covered.

Wireless earbuds from Raycon, they blow AirPods out of the goddamn water. I mean, I lost my headphones, and I came in one day, probably like a week ago, and these are just on my desk because they were starting to advertise with us. And they're awesome. They haven't gone back. I have a pair of Beats that I hate. I've always hated.

They're terrible. The sound, it sounds so tinny. These are great headphones. I honestly, I don't know how much're terrible. The sound, it sounds so tinny. These are fucking, these are great headphones. I honestly, I don't know how much they cost. Half the price of any others. I mean, it's a no brainer. And, okay, here's the thing. It's half the price.

You're not going to pay like a zillion dollars for, you're going to lose your AirPods. It's going to happen. Pay $200 for it. It's like, they're gone. So you get half the price. And they come with, I think, four different sizes of earbuds. Because the AirPods don't fit right in my fucking ears. So they fall out, and then they're like on the subway floor,

and I have to pick them up and put them back in my ear. Right, exactly. The Raycon, they have like small, medium, large. So it's like you got a fat ear hole, they got you covered. Got a little tiny ear hole, they got you covered. Comfortable, and it does like the noise cancellation, so the sound is premium, top notch. It's stylish. It's discreet.

And then, of course, yeah, you got the no wires. You don't look like a poor person. Straight up, you will be shamed. I was shamed for my cords. So I'm down with the Raycon. Go to buyraycon.com. These are... Oh, shit.

So you get another... So they're half the price of other wireless. And then you get 20% off when you use the promo code KFC20. Oh, my God. So you're going to get these for like $10. Go to buyraycon.com. R-A-Y-C-O-N.com. And promo code KFC20.

And get 20% off your wireless earbuds. Wow. That's a deal. When me and Kevin were walking home from uh kinky boots last night i had my raycons out because i was showing kevin uh a video and i was like when are we gonna start advertising these by the way because like i want to talk about them they're they're really good headphones yeah we were sharing he put one in and i put one in and we watched the video together it was a cute moment before that son of a bitch interrupted us uh

dennis robin talk to him all right let's do it. We got a very special guest. The Worm, Dennis Rodman, live in studio. We've been trying to track you down. I'm happy to finally get you in the building. What's going on, man? Cold here in New York, man. Yeah, I was just saying that. I'm fucking sick of it.

I can't do it anymore. Where do you live now? I'm in L.A. Yeah, it's like perfect every single day. Well, no, it's kind of chilly out there right now. It's like 50 degrees. Fuck you. Right.

It's 50 degrees. It's cold. It's 50. I'd kill for 50. I was in London a couple days ago. It was like 55. In London? In London a couple days ago.

What are you doing over there? I was doing some show called Big Nasty. Some new show in London right now. Big Nasty, huh? That's what it's called. You have two black guys. You know, I can't trust those guys, huh? Especially in London, huh?

We can get into a ton of shit about you. I think you're one of the most interesting people of all time, but I just heard that the podcast you do on The Rebound that you're starting up, you interviewed a couple that had a threesome and then after the fact found out... No, not yet.

Not yet. That's today's episode. Okay. That's today's episode. We talked about the other one the other day, right, from Florida. What happened there? Satanism, girl. Jesus.

She believed in Satanism. She was giving me all these worship shit, all these fucking things like that, and she should get into Satanism because, you know, I don't believe in God. Jesus sucks, da-da-da- you know, I don't believe in God. Jesus sucks. I said, okay, great. She said all this shit to me and just like, she was sexy as hell though.

She was hot. I mean, that usually is how it goes, right? You would drive crazy. Usually there's a scale, man. I feel like that's nothing you haven't seen before. I feel like you've seen it all.

I've seen a lot of shit, man. You know, I'm pretty sure you guys have seen a lot of stuff too, right? Yeah, not as much as you, bro. I've probably seen like, I don't know, 1% of what you've seen, man. You've been to strip clubs, right? Yeah, yeah. You've been to strip clubs, and what's the weirdest shit you've seen in a strip club ever?

I'm going to ask you guys questions now. Yeah, let me know. I'm in. I'm going to ask you guys questions. What is the weirdest thing you've ever seen a girl do in a strip club, besides the obvious? I haven't seen, I don't think I've seen like that weird. I've seen like the ping pong shows. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty standard, though. I don't think I've ever seen any, I mean, I know of shit that goes on here in New York,

people shitting on the stage and weird stuff like that. I've never seen it, though. What? I like to keep it, you know, normal. Normal? Yeah. See, I prefer it weirder. I think I'm more you. I'm just scared to be like that. I've never seen it, though. What? I like to keep it, you know, normal. Normal? Yeah. See, I prefer it weirder. I think I'm more you.

I'm just scared to be like you. No, that ain't that bad, man. What's the weirdest thing you've seen? A lot, man. Yeah. I've seen a lot, dude. You had to pick the weirdest thing. Well, you know, I used to go to this lot of shit I see.

Let's go. Just say it. I know something's on the tip of your tongue. Just say it, bro. Just shows you go to, there's a lot of shit I see. Let's go, just say it. I know something's on the tip of your tongue. Just say it, bro. This show you go to, sometimes you see girls who sit there with actually, literally,

it's like a horse's dick and a horse will come in her mouth and she just starts throwing up. Where did you see that? Oh, man, it's all across the country, man. In America you saw that? Yeah, in America, man. Where in America?

It's all good. Let me get an address. Let me get an address. How many, wait, wait the country, man. In America you saw that? Yeah, in America, man. Where in America? It's all good. Let me get an address. Let me get an address. How many? Wait, wait, wait. Okay. All right. So where are you?

Where is the horse? Huh? Is it like in a stable? I just got to see. And who else is there besides you? Everybody. It's a show. There's an audience?

Like people sitting down? Is it their tickets? It's like going to a strip club. And they suck a horse's dick. I mean, I've heard of this. I just think, I always think of it as happening in Mexico. No. It's an audience? People sitting down? Is it their tickets? It's like going to a strip club. And they suck a horse's dick. I've heard of this. I always think of it as happening in Mexico. Certainly not in America. No, in America they do this. Yeah, you gotta know where to look. So you gotta go to L.A., man.

Go to a place like L.A., Portland. Portland. Washington. A place like that. They got these dungeons, right? And for gay guys to prepare to do sex scenes, they'll put them in these swings and then they'll swing like that, and they'll have guys with rubber gloves up to their elbows, and then they'll swing the guys all the way up, and they'll put their fucking fists inside the guy's ass like that so they'll practice how to get their ass open. So like that, like a chainsaw. Like a chainsaw.

Like a chainsaw. Like a chainsaw. What the fuck, man? You ain't seen that shit either? No! You ain't seen that either? I've seen that shit. You ain't seen that shit either? No! You ain't seen that either? I've seen that shit. You ain't seen that shit?

Come on, man. No, bro. Guys out there, you got to check it out, man. It's a cool show. It's a cool show. The Freak of the Freaks. Yo. You just asked that so casually, man.

Like we're a bunch of prude losers. You have to tell me if I have to watch you guys get ass-blasted this way. Ass-blasted like a motherfucker, right? Shit. Yo. Well, now that it's all on the table, I'm just blatantly going to ask you about it because, I mean, I know all the stories. Go ahead. I mean, you broke your dick three times.

We just talked about that. Like, you break your dick once, fine. You break your dick twice, you start to get a little too reckless. You break your dick a third time, you deserve to have a three-time broken dick. Right. I just want to make sure we're in agreement here. No, it's just agreement. I mean, a lot of guys think that was kind of... A lot of guys say, oh, that's gross. No, it's not

really. It's the fact that when you actually really try to penetrate and try to penetrate and try to penetrate and the bitch say, okay, great, you know, that's all you got? Great. So here you go, bitch. The next thing you know, all of a sudden, you give that one thrust, and the next thing you know, you hear that pop.

It's like that pop right there. You say, oh, my God. The next thing you know, blood starts squeaking out. I've got just blood everywhere. Blood everywhere. Seriously. And the girl's like freaking out. Oh, my God, I've got to go to the hospital.

I've got to go to the hospital. You're like, yeah, right, I'm a veteran. Don't worry about it. It'll stop. It'll stop. Just wrap it up. Get some ice. You're like, yeah, right. I'm a veteran. Don't worry about it. It'll stop. It'll stop. Just wrap it up. Get some ice. You'll be fine.

It's okay. But what about the one story you told where the girl ran across the room and dove onto your dick? Yeah, she did. Well, that's very dangerous, Dennis. Your dick is going to break

like 100 times out of 100. No, you know, I thought she was kind of open. I thought she was open. You know, she's pretty good, right? You know, lubricated real well this will be fine you be a popper

in a swing first that's what I'm saying she fucking you're a trip dude I know right it's crazy it's like fucking another athlete's wife right

oh that would be bad right yeah that would be bad that would be like okay great A-Rod let me go fuck Jennifer Lopez. You can fuck my girl. Is that in the works, Dennis?

Oh, I should do that, huh? You can put it on the call. I've done it before, but it was more like nobody knew about it. Who was it? Well, I didn't know she was married to this person. What's the person? I don't know. What do you play?

What league? Nah, don't worry about it. What league? It's Be Professional. Be Professional. Be professional. Come on. We're back to the horse fucking shows then. Right.

How much of your life, I mean, you just got so much interesting shit that's happened to you and you've done. Like, where does basketball rank? I almost feel like you had this Hall of Fame career, but it's kind of like, oh, I also played basketball. Well, it's funny, though. I put my life in a situation where I didn't want people to see me as a basketball player anymore. Right. I think mission accomplished.

I want people to see me as other entities. When I was playing, let's say, in 95, it started in 95, I started to build a reputation besides, they're just a great athlete, great rebounder, champion, and stuff like that. I started to build a reputation outside of basketball, movies, books, this, that, all the kind of stuff right there. Dating girls.

But it's like, and my career has became that now. It's one of what I'm doing off the court now instead of on the court. I used to, so that's what I wanted. Do you think if you came up at a different time, you would be who you are? Like, I think if you...

If 1995 was now and you just had, you were? Like, I think if you... How would those balls... If 1995 was now, and you just had... You were writing books, making movies. You had celebrity girlfriends. You had crazy hair. I feel like you'd just be one of the other people in the bunch. Like, every rapper, every ballplayer, everybody's kind of doing that. But you were just the first to do it. Well, I was more flamboyant when I wanted to do it.

Yeah, but I feel like you're ahead of your time almost with that shit. Well, I've done a lot of things that people don't give me credit for, which I don't really give a shit because, you know, times change, right? Yeah. Times change. You know, you got to change with the time. And I think today is more like it's more common for anything. I think a lot of athletes right now are trying to shine each other, not on the court, off the court.

You know, I can do this. I can rap. I can do this. I can do this girl. I can do this girl. That shit's been done before. So show me some real cool shit. Yeah, right. Some really, really cool shit. Fly to the fucking moon.

Go do some other shit, stuff like that. Okay, great. Give me some real cool shit I can talk about. Yeah, I mean, because, well, you dyed your hair and people freaked out. Now it's like, who fucking cares what color your hair is? Nobody gives a fuck. Do you think, like, AI gets a lot of credit for kind of, like, breaking the NBA, in a

sense, so, like, guys nowadays could be themselves more? Do you think you deserve a lot of that credit, of like breaking the NBA in a sense. So like guys nowadays could be themselves more. Do you think you deserve a lot of that credit too? Well, I just think AI came up the same era when I came in. As far as like he was a short guy that was rebellious. Coming from, I guess, Philly? No, he played in Philly. But yeah, he played in Philly. Played in Philly and he didn't give a fuck.

Da-da-da-da. You know, practice, practice, practice. Okay, great. But I'm saying he created somewhat of an image because he was a short guy that was doing anything he wanted to do. Good ball player. Good ball player. But I brought it to the forefront, more to the forefront. I didn't give a fuck, but guess what?

I went out there and won. Yeah. I won. I went out there and bust my ass every time. That's the difference. You have to back it up to the forefront. I didn't give a fuck, but guess what? I went out there and won. I went out there and bust my ass every time. That's the difference. You have to back it up on the court, because otherwise then you're just an asshole. I just backed it up. I just think that today is more like, you know,

sports is different now. I mean, if you look at sports, it's very different now. Would you agree? Hell yeah. I mean, even today, we would have manned up a child of shit that $300 million. Guys, you better get that shit while you can because it's going to change. Just let you know, right? That shit's going to change. No more 10-year deals.

Right, right. I'm surprised he even got it. That's what I said. It took a long time for anybody to sign for a reason because nobody was offering that. Nobody was offering that shit. What do you think would have happened to you if you didn't have your growth spurt? That's easy. I'd be in jail probably dead.

You really think so? Oh, yeah. Because back then I was more of a follower. Really? Oh, yeah. More of a follower. What were you in jail for? What do you think?

I don't know. Not for killing somebody. I know that shit. The other shit, drugs or some shit like the stealing, this stupid shit like that. So when that happened, like you blow up like 12 inches in a year and all of a sudden

you go from janitor to fucking NBA prospect. See, janitor, jail, homeless, jail, project, homeless, then college.

Kind of sucks, huh? Damn. All that shit right there on a nutshell. Yeah. And then you end up in the fucking NBA. That's what I'm saying. In the goddamn NBA. So goddamn.

Here's a question. How about this? If you could have lived just a very normal life, no poverty, no jail, no drugs, none of that, but you just lived like an average job, average American, or you went through all that shit, but then you got to play in the NBA, you made, no drugs, none of that but you just lived like an average job average American or you went through all that shit but then you got to play in the NBA you made millions of dollars, you get to go on and live this life where you get to do what you want, which you're picking I'm going to say that again

you either have like an average life, normal life, but you know normal job, so, or the life you lived where you went through a lot of shit but you also got to get to the top of professional sports and do all the life you lived where you went through a lot of shit but you also got to get to the top of professional sports and and do all the things you did well you know i've told a lot of people this story the fact that when you live in the projects and when your mother and your siblings are sitting and sitting cocaine stuff like that and you and every day you walk through the through the living room and try to go to the front door it's the parents so which way

you want to go you want to go left or you want to go right? That's how I looked at it because I could have went left and could have been in the drug game, but I kept going forward. I'm in the NBA game. Except for that, I could have went that way. I didn't, but I kept going forward. Crazy. It wasn't that simple, but it's more like,

I don't know what made me decide to keep going forward. Because every day, every day you saw it every day. I feel like you're the most improbable Hall of Famer ever, between the growth spurt and the way it was stacked against you. A lot of people are like that. A lot of guys in the NBA right now, we see that life, that ghetto life, the projects and stuff like that. But it's very difficult to analyze stuff like that. Micah Jordan, the same thing. You think of people like Micah Jordan, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James.

You think these people never went through stuff like that. I mean, like that, that deep stuff. But they did. They did. But since they're so well-known, so atmosphere-known, you think they just came from this real silver spoon shit. Right, right. Well, LeBron, like, he lived in his car,

right? Yeah, I mean, he went through some shit, yeah. Right. He bounced around for a minute. But, I mean, I feel like maybe it's just more, you've been more open about it, or maybe some of the tales are a little more dramatic, but it seems like... It is dramatic, man. It's dramatic, you know, it's like, you know, living in a project, you don't have too many fucking girls you can fuck, because when you sit there fucking a fat girl for the first time, kind of weird, right?

It's kind of weird, right? Damn. Shit, that's all the piece of pussy you're going to get. It kind of sucks. I'm not even in the NBA. I'm fucking fat girls. What the fuck? Shit.

God damn. I get to the NBA. I'm fucking all these fucking superstars, models and shit like that. Getting sued. Getting my kids taken away from me. Goddamn, what's better life than that? Shit. Goddamn, I came out right. Shit.

You went from fucking fat girls in the projects to being an ambassador to North Korea. A government ambassador. Fuck. What's the latest with that? You still involved in any of that shit or you just kind of? I don't know what do you think Elliot when we're gone we going to Vietnam

what are we doing when we're here Vietnam next we're going to Vietnam the world peace tour we're trying to do that but if it doesn't work we'll probably

stay here in New York and do some promos do some stuff here one or the other so we'll either try to stay in the world of Vietnam or we'll fuck fat girls

here in New York whatever why not right get on Tinder or some shit like that right I should do that right fuck with the people on Tinder one or the other. So we'll try to save the world of Vietnam or the fat girls here in New York. Why not, right? Get on Tinder or some shit like that, right? I should do that, right? Fuck with the people on Tinder, right?

Hell yeah. Dennis Robin on Tinder would be a fucking show in its own right. They would not even believe that shit. You know what you should do is catfish people.

You know what that is? You have like a fake profile so you could have just put like a normal white guy on there and just match with these girls and then show up and be like,

wow, it's actually me, Dennis Robin. I'm a six foot ten black man. What's up? There you go, people. There you go right there. a normal white guy on there and just match with these girls and then show up and be like, wow, it's actually me, Dennis Rodman. I'm a six foot ten black man. What's up? There you go, people. There you go right there. See? Write that one down.

Write that one down. I'll just take like 10% of that one. It's all good. We got some ideas. We got some ideas cooking. Don't worry, man. Right?

You know a girl named, a porn star named, what's her name? Kendra? You want to put her her up Kendra Luss oh I mean yeah we're well versed

are you well versed yeah what about her you fuck her that's gonna be the show Friday oh really she's gonna be right beside me the whole time you gonna fuck her

no this guy maybe no she's not live it's not like you know in your personal life. She's hot, dude.

She's hot. You know, we used to have our, we used to have a third co-host. It was Asa Akira, who's a. You know her. You know her. She's like the most famous Japanese porn star of all time. Really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, she's like. She just got inducted into the Hall of Fame the other day. You know her. The Hall of Fame. The AB and the Porn Hall of Fame. She's like you, bro. She's a Hall of Famer.

Really? How old is she? Late, probably early 30s. Early 30s, huh? That's all she's doing now these days, huh? I mean. That's amazing, though. That's kind of fucking nuts right there.

What the fuck is she doing in there, Bob? What's she doing over there, Bob? What's she doing? Come on. You got to keep that in there, Bob? What's she doing? Come on. You got to keep that in there, huh? I don't even know. You ever keep in touch with any of the high-profile people you dated? You on good terms with that?

I see a lot. Donna and Carmen Electro, all of them? Oh, yeah. I see them. You could call them up today and hang out? No, we don't do that. It's like when in public, we go like clubs or restaurants, stuff like that. We talk.

You got a wild roster, man. What do you think your life would have been like if social media was around? I'd be a beater. For you. I'd be a beater.

Seriously, I would. You'd be what? I'd be a beater. A billionaire? I'd be a beater. I swear to God. Really? Seriously.

I'm ready to display this. Just those three years in Chicago alone. From what? Like, what do you think would, why? What happened those three years

that were that crazy that social media would have been like, we need more of the worm? but the deal is, that shit wasn't scripted. It was just like that every day, seven days a week. Like what?

It's like, okay, so I'll give you this example. Say I go, say we play a game like Tuesday night, just a regular Tuesday night. Go out to Rue Chris Steakhouse down in Chicago, downtown. And we go out, we got some cigars, we go to a club, go to a strip club at the end of the night. Then we get a tour bus, get a tour bus.

We go to a hotel. Next thing you know, we go in the hotel. We go in the restaurant. We have some drinks. These couples will come up. Okay, you know, these guys say, hey, dude. Hey, dude, we love you so much, man. Would you fuck my wife?

And I said, sure. So I said, sure. I said, sure, right? Okay, great. So I got my security guards and stuff like that. So I'm taking the girls up to my room. I'm taking his wife up to my room, taking his wife up to my room

and she's like all about it. She's all about it. So the guy's like, oh, yeah, you're fucking my wife. Okay, great. Thanks, thanks. Oh my God, you're awesome.

And shit, this is a true story. And my buddy goes, oh, you can't go, man. You can't go. He said, okay, fuck it. So we get in my room downstairs,

a room that he could stay in till the morning and I take her upstairs to fuck the fuck out of it, right? And then in the morning, I go to practice stuff like that. The guy says, oh, my God, dude, that's so great, so great. Fuck my wife. This is a true story. And then he said, can I have an autograph?

I said, yeah, sure, man. Here you go. Here's an autograph for you. I go to practice. I go to practice. I go to practice. Practice, man. See, but don't you think social media would have

worked against you in a sense where like if people saw you at the hotel they'd be like tweeting pictures and stuff like that and like

it's kind of like what happens with Johnny Manziel or like any of the margin athletes people like those guys can't handle

those kind of things because when I went to Chicago when I went to Chicago when I signed up the contract to go to play for Chicago Bulls

the first thing these reporters did to me, it was two reporters came to me and said, Dennis, we're going to be with you every day for three years. I said, great. He said, I'm going to tell you right now, Dennis, I'm going to be the bad cop and this guy's going to be the good cop. All year long, he'll write bad shit about me

and this guy will write good shit about me. That was all year long. At least you know where you stood. I mean, that seemed like the best way to handle it, you know? Just like that. It was cool, though. They both started writing good shit. They could have strip-closed me all the time, so we had a blast.

Were they writing about you fucking people's wives, though? I mean, you were writing about that in your books, I guess, right? So it wasn't a secret. No, they just wrote about stuff like, you know, he'll just make up shit. Just keep the shit going. Stuff like that. But they were really credible writers. But it was so funny how people...

Today's world is very easy. It's too easy today, man. Why? To fuck people? No, no. With the media. It's too easy to finagle with the media. Make you say any fucking thing, do anything.

You think so? Oh, yeah. See, I think people would argue it's harder because you're not even really dealing with the media. You're not dealing with a person you see in the locker room. You're dealing with just strangers on the internet kind of like shit-talking you and stuff. Well, I know, but it is kind of sublime when you sit there and want to be privacy and people can find out where the fuck you at. You know that, dude? You know that?

I was at the AT&T store that day and my daughter had a phone and the guy said, do you realize they can find you just by taking a picture? Did you know that? They're watching. Yeah, they don't even think

you need to take a picture, man. I think just having the phone out they know where you're at. Just take a picture of that guy right there. It'll locate you what you took the picture from. Scary shit. It's a number on the bottom of the screen like that.

It can show where you're at. Big brother's watching, man. I know, right? Kind of fucked up, huh? Yeah, dude. I'm not trying that. Let's go to the moon, like you said. Let's get the fuck off this planet.

Go to the moon, brother. So what's up, right? So where you guys from originally? I'm New York. He's Boston. Boston, huh? You've been to Daisy are you guys from originally? I'm New York. He's Boston, Boston, Boston. Uh,

you've been to a Daisy's. Have I been to a Daisy's? Oh, that's a close down. Even I know about Daisy's. It was a big deal. I used to love going to Daisy's, man. When I go to Boston,

first I go take my bag to the room, go straight to Daisy's. Right there. Boom. Right there. It's downstairs right there. Daisy's. Daisy's was like, like I mean that was

it was all the athletes went there everybody every athlete went there it was crazy it was crazy

did you go to Sue's rendezvous when you were in New York no oh you're not a real one then Dennis that's gone now too but that was

some grimy shit really you want to fuck a fat girl really C-section scars the whole nine what was uh what was the craziest thing you ever did

oh i took about three girls home yeah but it was more like you know you got say i think we stayed at the marriott at the wharf uh-huh marriott the wharf yeah and uh and uh these girls come back. I see the same girls when I go there. Yeah, we see you when you get back. So they had this little scheme where they, okay, I'll fuck one, then the other, and the other two

was sitting there, you know, playing with each other with dildos and stuff like that. Standard shit. They roll up with these in their purse or you have those provided at the hotel? They'll have them with them. Yeah. So right there, the next thing you know, we all three get together. It's a trip how they wanted to fuck each other. It was a trip how they wanted to. They had these positions and she'll do this and she'll raise her leg here.

She'll raise her arm there. It's like playing Twister. Yeah, it's pretty much like that. It was a trip though. But back then, they never took pictures. These days, they be taking pictures. Right, right. That's what he's saying about the social media shit.

The next morning, you would have been on the fucking internet with three naked chicks, and it would have been like, well, why'd you take pictures? Oh, that shit be fucking awesome. At least that shit be fucking awesome as fuck. That motherfucker's doing that shit, too. As long as you wear it. Yeah. He just went and fucked three girls last night.

That's cool. But the funny thing about it, it's like, okay, great. Dennis Robertson is doing all this shit with the fucking internet stuff like that back in the fucking 95 to 1999. But guess what, though? That motherfucker's single, but them bitches are fucking married.

I ain't got shit to lose, motherfucker. I ain't got nothing to lose. They do. Okay, come on. There you go. That's a smart selection process. That's what I'm saying.

Hey, shit. They do it. I mean this with the utmost respect. You are the last person I would want to fuck my wife. You would not be at the top of my list. I'll tell you right now, that's a court of sin with anybody in the world, especially in a sport game. You don't ever, ever date someone's wife or girlfriends. I don't give a fuck if they divorce or not divorce.

Just stay away. I've never done that. Seriously, I've never done that. If I know the guy. I don't give a fuck if they divorce or not divorce. Just stay away. I've never done that. Seriously, I've never done that. If I know the guy, I won't do it. If I don't know the guy, I'll do it.

That's honorable. I'm just saying straight up. But if I know the guy, I don't cross that fucking line. Well, there's plenty more, especially if they're just coming at you

like three at a time. When you're an athlete, right, they're going to come at you no matter what, right? Especially in L.A., New York, what did she say,

Phoenix, another city, Miami. Chicago, Miami. Miami, all the great cities, right you no matter what, right? Right. Especially in L.A., New York, where else you say? Phoenix, another city, Miami. Chicago, Miami, yeah. Miami, all the great cities, right? What the fuck, right? Why you have to fuck that guy's girl? Vegas, Vegas, shit, man. They out there, right?

So it feels like a lot of professional teams are going to come to Vegas. Imagine there was a Vegas basketball team. It's coming. What if Dennis Rodman, in his prime, played for a Vegas NBA franchise? Did you see the game I played in Vegas? I think it was like 1997. They had bets on me getting kicked out in the game for the first five minutes. Just to go hit the fucking scene?

I swear to God, dude. I didn't expect this shit, dude. It's all over Vegas. Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman won the last five minutes. So, look at them doing Vegas. They had a game in Vegas looking up during the preseason game, it took me two and a half minutes to get kicked out. Took me two and a half minutes.

Look it up, dude. Look it up on research. It took me two and a half minutes. I was gone. Out of the building. What'd you do? How'd you get kicked out? I have no clue. I said some stupid shit and he said, fuck you. Use your shower. You're out of here. Great. Phil said, I'll see you tomorrow. That's what he said. Phil said, I'll see you tomorrow. That's what he said.

Phil said, I'll see you tomorrow. You see, Phil's just waving to me. I don't know. Everybody's laughing at me. I was like, yep, I figured it out. Love it. I went back to the casino. That's great, man.

But it is the basketball team coming to Vegas. I mean, it's going to be a disaster. The visiting team there is going to be in for a fucking rough night. Look at the Raiders. Yeah, I mean, Raiders. The Kings are playing hockey already. It's pretty big out there. Look at the Raiders. Yeah, I mean, Raiders, the Kings play hockey already. Oh, man, shit, it's pretty big out there. Maybe come out of retirement. Maybe you should

coach the Vegas franchise. There you go. I should be like a consultant. Yeah. Here's how to navigate through Vegas. I'll be your tour guide. This is how you navigate through the bitches. Let's go, fellas. We're going to go watch the horse sex.

Practice in the morning. It's go, fellas. We're going to go watch the horse sex. Practice in the morning. It's like that, right? All right, man. We appreciate you coming through. I think you're genuinely one of the most interesting people ever, to be honest. They're going to listen to my podcast. Yeah, on the rebound, man. We do it once a week.

Every Friday, you see it every Friday, man. This Friday is going to be great. We got Kendra on there talking about sex, how many girls she fucked out their lives, how many dicks she's had, why her husband like do threesomes

and shit like that. You heard a lot of shit from her, man. Honestly, I won't spoil it, but I heard from your team is this couple, they had a threesome and they found out

after the fact that the third person, they really should not have been having sex with. No shit. God damn. There's a little teaser for you on the should not have been having sex with. No shit. God damn. That's a little teaser for you. That's a little teaser for you.

Shit. They should never have sex with that person. How would you imagine that shit, dude? Seriously, like what? And find out when you went to your aunt's alcohol and looked at that person, oh my God, that's... I fucked you.

I fucked you. That's funny shit, man. You say, I know I'm right. I'd be fucked up. You really would. You really would. I'd really be mad. God, dude.

On the rebound. Check it out Friday, man. Stennis Robin. All love, brother. Thank you, bro. All right, that's the worm. Talking about girls blowing horses. I mean, it was a lot. That was crazy.

And also on his own podcast, that couple who had a threesome and then found out they were related to the person. That's tough. That's tough. Yeah. First rule of threesomes. What would you say? I'm going to give you two rules. You rank them what's first and what's second. First rule of threesomes. What would you say?

I'm going to give you two rules. You rank them. What's first and what's second? Like first rule threesome, like make sure your girl is actually comfortable with the situation. Second rule. Don't fuck a relative. Yeah,

that's fair. Yeah. But I think the girl is priority, right? I think the girl's priority. Yeah. Which is crazy. It's like incest comes second to like your girl,

not actually hating you because you had sex with another girl. because you will pay for that for the rest of your life. The incest thing, you just suppress and put away and you'll get over it. Your girl being like, do you remember that time you paid more attention to her? Do you remember that time you wanted to have sex with my friend? It's like, I thought we had a deal. I thought you wanted to do this. You're fucking lying. So the worm, it sounds like we got some competition, by the way.

He's going to be doing a podcast talking about crazy fucking shit. Hey, Worm, you're stepping on our turf, bro. At least he's doing that. Ours just comes about. We don't naturally. When we go to a podcast studio, my notes for things to talk about were Taylor Swift and Kinky Boots. I want to talk about that.

If people want to call and talk about fucking coming somewhere, I'll talk about it. But that wasn't on my notes. We'll talk about it. That's you guys on my notes. We'll talk about it. That's you guys. Yeah. You think my podcast is fucked up? It's not.

You guys are fucked up. Yeah, my listeners are fucked up. It's your fault, not ours. Speaking of, let's talk to them. Voicemails are brought to you by MVMT. Two million watches worldwide. I think we've sold 1.9 million of them. I think if you, we should put put a little barstool stamp on...

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So we got this group of friends, and one of my buddies, he's recently gotten into this relationship. It's been a couple months now, and a little while back, about a week ago, he comes to me and my friend and shows us an email that she has sent. And we open it up and look at it, and it is a full-blown Excel sheet she has put together. I mean, it is down. She has dates on there of things that he's done, good and bad. So I just have to get your thoughts on this.

Obviously, we know that she's nuts. But he has fallen head over heels for her. I mean, good for him. You know, I'm not here to get in anybody's way, but I really just have to. Sounds like you definitely are here to get in somebody's way and talk shit about this. This sounds very bad.

You're dating a girl who has, she's giving you grades on an Excel spreadsheet? I could probably use something like this. Keep you on the straight and narrow? Yeah. You know when they say a girl's going to make an honest man out of you? Is what it's gotta happen yeah i basically i need my girlfriend to basically be a teacher and like just keep score and be like quarterly reports yeah

yeah man that's like the only thing that can keep me in line and maybe that might not work either that's gonna say you know college tried that that doesn't work um uh this reminds me it's obviously a horrifying but i can see I can see being attracted to this. How bad would your spreadsheet be? Like if one tab is good and one tab is bad? I think I'm actually a pretty good boyfriend. Well, yeah. I've never really had to do it for that long.

Yeah. I'm a good boyfriend. I'm a terrible husband. Good boyfriend, good dad, bad husband. Right. Right. Great boyfriend, though. Things were great in the beginning. I'll do all the cutesy shit. terrible husband i uh good boyfriend good dad bad husband right right great boyfriend though things things are great in the beginning i'll do all the cutesy shit i'll i'm very thoughtful i'm very i worry that that's what i will be yeah i worry that i will well here's the thing you i i'm

i'm all down for the uh the thoughtful romantic cut, you know, happy shit. When it's, you know, reciprocated and appreciated and all that shit, when that all stops, it's like, well, I'm not going to do all that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, everyone does something for recognition. Yeah. It's not even like I'm going to do this.

It's like I'm going to give you this gift because I want to give back. It's like I'm only doing this if we're, like, happy together and shit. When all that goes away, you're not going to have the same motivation or whatever. But you know what? Now that I think about it more, I like this. Tell me what you don't my my personality well that's what it's gonna happen but like if i did something that makes you mad no we're not talking like you forgot to run the dishwasher at night black mark well i think it's gonna be like uh i mean like i hate your entire existence on the internet that's that's

different well that's what i mean though i imagine this is like things i imagine that if you're doing this maybe it'll be it'll become yes i think it probably starts out as like, you know, you forgot Valentine's day or you forgot our anniversary. And then it turns into like, you know, you were asking Ken Jeong about, well, he fuck his mom. And that's embarrassing. You know, like things like that where it's like, well, within the parameters of this relationship, you can kind of judge me, but like, you can't just trash on everything I

do. Yeah. Which is what it's going to, if you're, if you're the type of girl who's making a spreadsheet like this, you're probably going to be pretty critical of almost everything. But, you know, if I could choose how she makes the spreadsheet, I would like that. I much prefer honesty. I'm very good at people being honest.

Yeah, I'm down with that. It's like, yeah, tell me how to get you to come. Just tell me how to do it. Tell me what you want in bed. Tell me what you want me to do. Tell me what you want to eat. I am your sub. Tell me what to do. bed tell me what you want me to do tell me what you want to eat I am your sub tell me what to do that's all I want

don't like privately stew tell me what was good that I did tell me what you liked tell me what you didn't like but what about when they're like in life and in the rat what about when you open up the spreadsheet and it's like like a mark against you like you sat on the couch and watched TV all night long.

Like, wow. I mean, that's, I know. You watch too many Bruins games. You're always on your phone. It's like, well, these are all the things I love. Yeah, well, then I'd probably be like, well, this isn't going to work. Right.

But hey, at least we got it out in the open with your Excel spreadsheet. You don't like who I am at my core. This reminds me. And therefore, this probably won't work. Do you remember the black mark system? Of course. My mom did this to us And therefore, this probably won't work. Do you remember the black mark system? Of course. My mom did this to us.

Oh, see? Yes, perfect. But that's your mom, though. First of all, it didn't work. Second of all, it's your mom. You know? Like, not a romantic relationship where you're supposed to technically be like an equal. This is like your mom who's, you know, the authority.

Like a teacher. You said you want a teacher, but you don't. You don't want your girl to be like a teacher. No, but I do want her to tell me the truth about things upside down. That's fine. That's a different story, though. If your girl becomes a teacher, becomes the boss, you're fucked in the long run,

because you eventually will just grow to resent that. But maybe this could work just like the black mark system worked, because we ran out of black marks. Like, she just ran off the page. There was black marks and there was gold stars. And if you got like however many gold stars in a week, you got a toy at the end of the week from Toys R Us. And if you got black marks, I don't know what happened.

Well, I do know what happened. So we, so yeah, my mom was like, she hit us with a stick. She beat us. I wasn't going to tell that story, but I guess we're here now. She abused us. It's actually a very funny story. You know, like. My mom only ever tried to hit me once.

I ducked it. Well, so this is the thing. My mom whacked this on the back, the top of your hand with a paint stirrer, which is like thin balsa wood. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. It's like getting. It's like getting hit with like a chopstick.

But the story in our. And, you know, when we tell it, we're like, Mom, remember when you used to beat us with a stick because we got too many black marks? And you wonder why I'm a hateful person, Ma? She's like, I didn't beat you. I hit you with a balsa wood stick. But guess what? Didn't work. But I'm saying, like, maybe that's how this girlfriend can come to terms with, like,

this is how I'm going to be. Beat him with a stick? No, like, he's just going to keep doing the things. She's going to keep tracking it. And then he can be like, yeah, these are the things I do. Give me a million black marks. This is who I am. Oh, yeah.

I mean, that doesn't sound like it's going to work for her. I would eventually be like, sounds like you should break up with me. Yeah, right. Or it's like, yeah, neutral, like, good is a thousand black marks you know that's as good as you can now the other side see what i think works probably better is a little positive reinforcement some sort of like here's what you did well gold stars i'm like i'm gonna blow you because of it done that'll make me happy you can give me a black mark Maybe also give me a little gold star. I don't think this is a good idea.

What's up, KFC? Fight, BC. Got a hypothetical for you. Would you rather fight a gorilla or have popsicle sticks gorilla glued on top of your fingernails for the rest of your life plot twist though if you break one of the popsicle sticks you have to attach an additional popsicle stick to the end of that popsicle stick so on and so forth i don't know guys so we're talking gorilla i mean so it's it's i mean it's quite easy i'm like do you want to die no you can't fight a gorilla yeah you can't fight yeah that's you want to be your choice ripped in half in front of a third grade school field? Right.

And you're not just dying. You're massacred. Your face is ripped apart. Maybe you might even survive. Remember that woman who survived the chimpanzee fight and she had to get a face transplant? I'd rather die. People survive chimpanzee fights. They do not survive gorilla fights.

You go to war with a gorilla you lose unless you're that little little kid the harambe i mean he won he didn't fight the gorilla he won he was he won that show he was in the vicinity of two creatures entered one left it was not harambe yeah but do we have backup with our fight yeah if i have a sniper in there yeah right if i have backup with a bunch of fucking guns i'll take that now you can't pick fighting a gorilla but the uh the gorilla glue popsicle sticks every time you break one you have to like attach an additional one i mean you'll end up being like one of those guinness book of world records people with the nails that curl around they got like 70 pound nails you'll have popsicle sticks for fucking

days i uh i'm gonna interrupt this real quick because we were just talking uh girlfriends and uh i just texted mine oh shit i i said i'm breaking news i said john texted his what my His girlfriend! His fucking monogamous ass girlfriend. Holy shit. I said, I might get arrested this weekend. She said, can you elaborate a bit? I said, if Taylor Swift doesn't release new music. She goes, oh,

okay, so we're kidding. You never know with you. I said, I am not kidding. Oh, okay, so you know what? That's going to be your first fight. If you think When I bring up Taylor Swift That I'm kidding You uh

You're completely wrong That's when I'm dead fucking serious I don't know if I'm gonna get arrested I said I said I'd chain myself You're gonna cause a controversy I'll chain myself to the statue Do you hear that

That is the sound Of tons Of single KFC radio girls crying right now Do you hear those tears falling to the floor? I think I've let it slip here. It's not letting it slip. It's just I'm always pretty private about that stuff. Not anymore.

Yeah, so I have a girlfriend. It's just weird for us to announce stuff like that. You feel like you shouldn't have to, but the reality is you do almost in this world. It's like you do. I'm going to put out a T-shirt on sale that says John Fodderberg has a girlfriend. Wow. It's like it's like a weird part of our life.

I'm like, who the fuck cares? But then I guess some people don't. No one cares. Yes, they do. I promise you people care if John has a girlfriend. And he does. And you also hear that. That's the sound of everybody like who who who placed their bet that Jon's actually gay being like, fuck.

Oh, interesting. But anyway, the gorilla stuff. Yeah. Obviously, you can't fight a gorilla, so you have to go with the other thing. But I would be so cautious. What was it? Here's the thing. I don't think you would break the stick in half.

Oh, yeah. You definitely could. I mean, girls break their nails all the time. These are much more dainty than nails. But I think you would break the whole thing off.

I don't think you would break the popsicle sticks that you would... I mean, Gorilla Glue is strong. Yeah, I think you would definitely do one in half.

Yeah? Okay. Just like... I feel like if you had popsicle sticks and I just whacked them on the edge of the table, I feel like the whole thing

would break off. Yeah, but I don't think that's how you... that would you're right there but i think like you just like you know you're gonna grab a door handle and you like push it in yeah and it just fractures off and then you just keep tacking them on that would be because one popsicle stick i don't think is that bad i'd paint it i'd look so pretty and uh but then your girlfriend would be so proud but then um i think if once you get the two popsicle sticks i think now i mean how would you take your pants off like you gotta pee you gotta like get your your dick out thank god for the quick draw on tommy john but otherwise it's like you can't you can't do anything with finesse i mean your poor girlfriend that's no

those fingers aren't gonna work you can't you can't go to the bath how you gonna wipe your ass how you gonna i think you're gonna shower how you going to wipe your ass how are you going to take a shower how are you going to type on your iPhone the iPhone becomes impossible you're right no texting this idiot over here he's liking the text

he's doing the thumbs up text so now when you text John you have to only ask him a yes or no question and you have to say thumbs up only ask him a yes or no question and you have to say like thumbs up or thumbs down for yes or no what an asshole this guy is amazing what an asshole it's and it's like i want to just be like well no like i'm not going to cater to you but it's like i i need to fucking communicate with him god damn it you can call me it does make it makes us be more efficient just like asking very simple questions yeah it's like it's like you must

pose this question texting fucking i made it work we need to we need to like it's maybe not even yes or no it's like thumbs up for like cheeseburger thumbs down for fucking pasta what do you want for dinner like i'm gonna have to pose everything to you they do give you options they give you the exclamation points like the excited so we can there's like a little nuance by the way i i mean i really hate those i really hate those. I really hate those. You've hated those for a while. Yeah, I hate them. And I've actually used them for a while.

Because it comes up as like a text, you know? I'm like, what does Jonathan say? And then I open it up, there's nothing there. I'm like, what is it? Oh, it's an exclamation point. Oh, yeah, by the way, I did just say I just texted him. There are some people I have to text still. All right.

Outed yourself. You just uncanceled his cancel. Pussy. Oh, I'm so tough. I'm going to cancel texting. Except when it's my girlfriend, because I might get in trouble. Hey, Casey fights producer VC. So I'm watching Oscars right now.

My mom loves Bohemian Rhapsody and Rami, whatever. And I love a star is born probably more than Fidelberg does. And I was sending her his tweets. And then she responded. She said, seems like he likes Bradley Cooper a little too much. I thought he was does. And I was sending her his tweets. And then she responded and she said, seems like he likes Bradley Cooper a little too much. I thought he was straight. Was I wrong? So just telling you this because even my

almost 50-year-old mother thinks that you're gay and doesn't even know you. Well, I mean, perfect timing. I don't know if she thinks you're gay or gay. Guess what? John's got his beard all set. Yeah, everybody thinks John's gay. It's part of being Feidelberg. It's part of being Metro.

Nice one. It's not even Metro. And also, I think I love Bradley Cooper just enough. I'm fascinated by Bradley Cooper. I think Bradley Cooper is a great celebrity. Did you read that article I sent you? No, because I was discouraged in it. I thought maybe with our relationship with Ken Jeong that maybe, hey, you were in The Hangover.

Maybe you could put an in with his publicist. Maybe we get Bradley Cooper in here. And then John was like, Bradley Cooper does not do podcasts, dude. He only does – he does like Fallon, right? He does like Oprah. That's about it. And he does – because he's a very interesting celebrity because he's got enough talent to not have to open himself up, right? Like some celebrities, it's like, you know, likerissy teigen is an example where i mean i think

chrissy teigen is incredibly talented but she also she was a model so you kind of have to show your other side bradley cooper has talent out the ass in every single ability can act he's fucking funny he's can sing play guitar like he's incredibly talented so he doesn't have to play the game and there was before a star is born. There was an article, you know, like a celebrity profile in the New York times. And it was headlined. And this all came up because like Kevin said,

he had asked, you know, do you think Ken Jeong might be able to hook us up with Bradley? Because Bradley Cooper is a really fucking awesome guy. Remember, I don't, I don't know if he said it on air, but he was talking about how Bradley Cooper drove him back from Vegas to LA

during filming the hangover. So he can, could attend his wife's chemotherapy stuff and like Bradley would drive him and, uh, or Todd Phillips would fly him a lot. And then Bradley would, would drive him sometimes.

And, uh, but the article, the celebrity op-ed was about, uh, not op-ed, but celebrity profile was about Bradley Cooper and the star is born. And it was titled Bradley Cooper has no interest in this profile born and it was titled bradley cooper has no interest in

this profile and it was an interesting it was very interesting where it was just like he's not being rude to me what he's saying makes sense he's like i don't understand why talking about my relationship makes you makes me want to see my movie i don't understand why telling you about my child makes me want to see this movie i'm i'm rather private and i'll answer all your questions about the movie you want but there's, I'm not going to talk about me. I think that's interesting. I think that's cool.

I think that's, that's, that's kind of like old school celebrity where you have that mystery around you still, where, you know, nowadays, no,

I respect it. I just, as a podcast interviewer, let's not let that be a thing. Right. Let's, let's keep that. Did you see Chrissy Teigen's tweet?

She said, she was like one of, the most asked question that John gets in interviews is, how do I deal with my, how do you deal with your wife? I don't like that. And I started laughing. I thought it was very funny. And then she went on like a tweet thread. It was like dead ass serious. Yeah. I was like, oh,

I thought this was going to be like a funny moment. Now it's a little, a little bit much. I think it's a funny question. If it it's every single time your husband gets interviewed it's like so how do you deal with your wife i mean i could be like he fucking loves me shut the fuck up yeah but i mean like you get the fucking point but there's some like that's a funny question asked like one time i i think anything repeated becomes very frustrating and annoying it's also like well if it's every single time the question's asked, it's probably because you're ridiculous on the internet every day.

I'm just saying, I know that that question was asked about me, and I was always kind of like, well, yeah, I get it. Yeah. I get it. The question is valid. Last voicemail. What do we got? Hey, KFC.

Hi, Super Producer BC. I need some mail input on this. I'm unsure how to proceed. So I went on a third date with this guy. Seems pretty normal. That's the freaky date. We're into each other. So we went to dinner and got a million and a half drinks.

So keep that in mind. So we go home. We're like hooking up. He like cannot get it up for the life of it so hooking up is canceled obviously so I wake up and the middle of the night and so it's happening again and we proceed accordingly and so we're about to have sex and again he cannot get it up but it's like 5 a.m and so I'm super alarmed once again is this normal like why what's happening is this a me problem is this a him problem and then so he finally does and it lasts maybe 20 seconds so I mean I just need to know your input like do I go on another date with him do i cancel him also another fact about this is that i'm not concerned if he finished inside of me

or or not like because there's no evidence otherwise but i mean it's like what it's on the unknown is horrifying so if I can get your input, how to proceed. I don't follow that last part. I mean, if you thought someone came in, you should probably get a point B. Like, immediately. I mean, that needs to be addressed. Yeah. Don't call a podcast first. Go to CVS. Let's air

on the side of caution. Let's assume he did and proceed accordingly. Or ask him. Yeah, or be like, he did and proceed accordingly or ask yeah or be like just like I don't know just do it

yeah listen don't cancel this guy don't cancel this guy I agree this is a problem for people sometimes I've had this happen to me i've had this happen to me um i've had this exact thing happen to me where it's like you all right happens once and you're like oh shit i don't know i was drunk or whatever but then it's in your head that it happened last time and so you go in being like all right i have to make sure i get it up

this time i have to make sure i throw down this time. And then that's in your head. And then it happens a second time. And then it's a thing. And then it's a thing. Then it's like, well, now my dick is totally broken. Now this girl thinks. And then, of course, the natural reaction. Girls are like, what are you not attracted to me?

Is it me? And it's like, it's not you. It genuinely has nothing to do with you. It is a true blue it's not you, it's me thing. I'd be like, we were doing the Roman ad. And I said 40% of guys are liars. Because I think it's not you it's me thing it's i'd be like we were doing the roman ad and besides i said 40 guys are liars because i think i think it's happened to everybody and i think it's it's it's happened to me for extended periods of time right where it because it becomes a mental thing that it's happened a couple times you get the yips you get it it literally happens

to everybody yeah and then whether or not it's always about sex. Everyone gets the yips about something. And I've gotten the yips about blogging. We're like, like years ago, I'm scared to post the blog. And it's just like, you gotta, you gotta just do it.

And, but then it's a delicate balance because you do need a little bit of help to get through it. But if, if they're helping and it's still not happening, then you feel like really bad. You know, it's like she's doing physical things or talking to you through it,

and it's still not happening. So then it feels like it's really a problem. It's like we just got to ride this out. We talk about all the time how sex is much more difficult for guys. Actually, when you started off being like it sucks to be a woman, I was thinking like, yeah, but you never have to worry about your genitals working. It is. They just always work.

They're just always working. I mean, think about it, women. Your entire life, you're told and taught that this is the most important thing for you, like being a man. And this is the physical act of being a man. And it becomes a joke, and it becomes a thing, and you're the punchline in a movie, or you've got the girls giggling in the background. It's no shut up it's hard but once once you're in your head it's it's it's the most stressful thing you do absolutely especially sex the first time with

women and by the way i don't think i hate third date sex i'm second go second or fourth don't don't be a cliche no i think you should be cliche no i think i think what we said i think the third time you have sex is when you break out all your moves. So I'm down with the third. No, the third date, not third sex. Oh, right. Okay. I feel like.

So either second or fourth date. Got it. Got it. Got it. But the, it's the most stressful thing I've ever done in my life. Yes. Right. You try so hard to get that person to like you, to get their number, to text, to set up a date, to impress her.

And the goal is to find a person you like and have a good relationship. But the physical version of that is like, and we're going to go to bed together. So you build up. It's so hard. You're fighting against basically everything to get it to happen. And then when it's supposed to happen, you fall short. And it feels like a fucking utter failure and because of sight it kind of it kind of is when it should really just be like i don't know next time or something like that you know yeah it's not gonna

happen right now like i'll take care of you i'll do some other things it has nothing to do zero nothing it's all that makes it even worse because then you know then the the next time it's not it's still not happening i'm sitting there going oh my god she's blaming herself she's upset right now this is awkward she's gonna want. She's upset right now. This is awkward. She's going to want to see me anymore. Then it gets even worse and worse and worse. Everybody just needs to agree when that happens that it's just like your fucking body. I don't know.

The blood is not flowing to the right body part. I don't know how to fucking do that. You got to have like two drinks. That's something in movies, too, where a girl's like, maybe a glass of wine. It's actually the guy who should have a glass of wine. Right, right. The first time is incredibly stressful. That will loosen you up.

I feel like the girls need to maybe have a couple drinks mentally. Be like, I'm going to let this ugly dude have sex with me. The guys need to have a couple drinks to ease the mental, the physical stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, wow, I can't believe this is going to happen. Can you tell this was a personal like can you tell this was not a hypothetical response dude it happened it happened to me

like probably two years ago where it was like I like it like almost like a month stretch just like couldn't do anything it was I mean that I brought it up to him I was like I gotta I gotta talk to you about something like my dick has betrayed me and he was like, I got to talk to you about something. Like, my dick has betrayed me.

And he was like, oh, and it happened for a long period of time. I was like, okay. It happened. It was like – Like, we're not alone. It felt good. It happened to me like where it was – it was probably two times, maybe three times. And then I was just like – for like a month, I was like, I'm not even trying anymore.

Right, because that – yeah. But you got to like – I think you got to give yourself a little bit of a break, but you got to get back on the horse. Yeah. And you got to – I mean, you got to find a girl you gotta, like, I think you gotta give yourself a little bit of a break, but you gotta get back on the horse. Yeah. And you gotta, I mean, you gotta find a girl who's also, like, understanding about it. If there's some girl, like, making fun of you, it's like, alright, well, this is not gonna work. That was, that was. You gotta be able to, like, work through that. Remember when I went to, it was Austin was still a host, and I went to a therapist and we talked about it?

Yeah, that was why. I went to a therapist because I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? I have one scheduled for tomorrow. That was the first time i ever my i thought i was like maybe i'm like what did he say get a couple drinks get a couple drinks shut up pussy it was no it was it was a woman first of all and uh she like didn't even really address this that's why i never went back yeah that i almost feel like you do that this isn't immediate i was gonna say that you gotta talk to a guy because the guy would be like all right throw

all the other shit off the table we gotta address this first before we can even get into that. So everybody just understand. Get rid of the stigma. You're not a man. You're not attracted to the girl. Girl, you're not ugly. Right. I mean, that's the other thing, too.

It's like, come on. You know. The way I've been texting you and talking to you and calling you and treating you and everything leading up to this, you know, I'm into you. You know, I see. I understand their response. Of course. Because it's much like we said, like, you know, we're panicking about other things. She's probably panicked.

And a lot of girls are self-conscious about their body and their image anyway. So this is like the physical manifestation of that. But it's like, no, come on. You know, I want to have sex with you. This is this is not supposed to be happening. Like, we'll figure it out. Let's just we got to work through it together. It's an important segment right there. This is not supposed to be happening. We'll figure it out. We've got to work through it together. It's an important segment right there.

Kevin Nealon now joins the program. SNL superstar, legend, happy Gilmore, Adam Sandler's guy. A lot to talk about with him. The interview is brought to you by Lightstream. Are you sick of paying high interest rates on your credit cards? You want to consolidate multiple credit card payments down to one

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Go to lightstream.com slash KFC L I G H T S T R E A M.com slash KFC subject to credit approval rate includes 0.5% auto pay discount. Terms and conditions apply and offers are subject to change without notice. Visit Lightstream.com slash KFC for more information. The yips are gone. Kevin Nealon talk to him. Alright, KFC Radio with a comedy and entertainment legend

Kevin Nealon. I have become a legend, haven't I? When does that happen? That's a great question. 60th? 60th birthday? No, I wouldn't even put it as an age thing. I put it as an accomplishment thing. No, you gotta be a certain age to be called a legend. Okay, I mean, I think that's a combo. For sure.

Yeah, you shouldn't have to be an accomplice. Who was the kid in Home Alone? Macaulay Culkin. Is he a legend now? See, I would say he's a legend. That's a great example. How about this? Maybe it's experience, because Macaulay started when he was like, you would say Legend. Okay, yeah. No, that's a great example. How about this? Maybe it's experience because Macaulay started when he was like seven. So he's been in the game for probably 30 years now,

the same way that some people go from 30 to 60. Has he been in the game for 30 years? He was like. All it takes is one iconic role. Well, what's the difference between Legend and Legendary? I guess Legendary is an aspect. Yeah, I think you have a Legendary performance. And you are. between legend and legendary? Hmm. I guess legendary is an aspect of being a legend. Yeah, I think you have a legendary performance.

Yeah. And you are a legend. But I don't think one legendary performance makes you a legend. Yeah, I think you can have a legendary moment, but to be a legend, you have to have the full body of work. And you don't have to die to be a legend. No.

No, but it helps. Yeah, yeah. But it helps. You want to really be a legend? That'll set me to it right there. Yeah, right. Yeah, you hit next level for helps. Yeah, yeah. But it helps. You want to really be a legend. That'll set me up today right there. Yeah, right. Yeah, you hit next level for sure. But I mean, the body of work is obviously the most important, and you certainly have the resume, sir.

I have done a lot of stuff. You know, sometimes when I feel like I'm not working that much, I go on IMDB and I scroll through the, you know. Filmography or whatever, the credits, yeah. Yeah, all the work, the stuff. Stuff I don't the filmography or whatever the credits yeah all the work the stuff I don't even remember doing or heard of what's the number do you know ballpark no I don't know I haven't looked at a long time how many do you think you remember how many shows

yeah like what percentage of your IMDb do you remember doing or I guess rather I would say forgot well I remember I remember all of it if I look at it but there's some like in the early years, like supposedly I was in a movie called The Rat Boy or something. I don't think I was ever in a movie called Rat Boy. Did you ever hear about the Sinbad phenomenon?

To just go off track for a minute. The internet is just convinced that Sinbad was in a movie called Shazam where he played a genie and it just never happened. It's called the, there's like a, they, they gave it a name. It's like the Sinbad effect or something like that. And he had to come out on Twitter and be like, I was never in a movie called Shazam ever. I was never a genie. But I guess the point being when you do, you know, when you're, when you're out there that much and you've done, you know, that many roles, it just feels like you're everywhere from TV to movies and everything in between.

You definitely have established yourself as one of those. What would you say you if you're like... Let's say you're going to the Hall of Fame. In baseball, you pick your cap, what team you're going in as. Would you be going in as a film actor or an SNL cast member or is it all kind of one thing? Well, I'll tell you, I get into this

for stand-up. You know, all I want to do is stand-up comic. Caroline's. That's what I love. March 3rd? March 2nd? March 2nd, yeah. But that's all I, you know, I would watch all the comics on TV.

You know, I would look and see when they're going to be on, and I'd highlight their name and make sure I was there to watch it. You know, and I knew them all. And, you know, I just love stand-up, that somebody would go out on stage with nothing, just entertain for five minutes, six minutes, get a lot of laughs, and leave with the same clothes he had on, you know? Yeah.

And I thought, man, that'd be cool. So I always wanted to do stand-up. But I never stopped doing it. I've been doing it almost 40 years now. Really? I used to tell people I've only been doing it four years. And now all of a sudden it's 40 years. So even at the peak of shooting whatever film or whatever it may be,

you still found time to hit the club. Yeah, when I was doing SNL, I would go out to the clubs at night or on Sunday night or whatever at the hiatus. When I was doing Weeds, the same thing. I always think it's different or odd, I guess, in a sense, to see a stand-up comic go kind of network. Like you're on Like a Man with a Plan. And even SNL back then, that was network TV where you kind of had to be a little more put together whereas rather

the comedy clubs are free for all. So is that difficult to make that transition? Not really. No. I mean, you know, SNL was exciting

because it was live and the stand-up is always cool because you're calling the shots and you're planning when you're going to be there

and what you're going to do and all that. So that's kind of exciting, and you're planning when you're going to be there and what you're going to do and all that. So that's kind of exciting in that way. But when you're doing a scripted show, like I'm on a show called Man With a Plan now on CBS Monday nights. 8.30. 8.30, 7.30 Central. With Matt LeBlanc. That's so scripted and it's fun, but it's a different kind of fun.

At what point do you get comfortable as a stand-up comedian? Because we've done it a couple times. We did a live podcast, very different than a routine. And I've groomed this, and I was nervous as fuck every time. And I just can't even imagine getting to a point where you're like, yeah, let me just grab the mic and do a set. When you say comfortable, do you mean dead inside?

Is that it? Yeah. I mean, at some point you got to just, well, I'm comfy as fuck. It's taken a while, man.

I remember I was the same way as you at the beginning. I was in the bathroom and I had the runs. I was nervous, you know, and going over my material, trying to memorize it all. But now, I mean,

like I said, I've been doing it a long time and now I'm just so comfortable on stage. Sometimes I have to really kind of like kick myself and go, come on, wake up. Is that because you got so good at it or is it because like the... I've done it so

much. That's why the more you do something it's like flying in a plane. I'm good with flying even with turbulence stuff. My wife is... When we hit any kind of a bump she grabs my arm and squeezes like we're gonna crash and i'm saying what that was our bump i didn't even feel a bump you know yeah but and then somebody asked me if i got stage fright i don't think i i didn't think i got stage fright but then i remember that sometimes it was a really big show i'll get really tired before the show you know I realize

I start yawning and almost fall asleep and I think it's my I think it's a form of stage fright where my body is kind of shutting down and preparing for battle yeah yeah that's interesting I you know to me it's I think it is the most impressive thing like in the world like I

the people who can just get up there and do that and captivate an audience and make them laugh is. That's what I was saying. You know, when I was coming, you know, when I was,

um, before I got into it, I thought this is such a cool job. And these people are like words craftsmen, you know, it's just the way you craft the words and assemble the choice and the way you hit the inflection of this. So much psychology.

Right. You know, it's almost like verbal misdirection, like what a magician does. Yeah. But it's verbal, you know, because people are not sure where you're going. And then you surprise them with this kind of. Punchline and bam. Yeah.

That's a great way to put it. It's interesting. And I feel like there's such a like a brotherhood kind of amongst the people who do it where I'm watching crashing on HBO and the way like everybody's hanging out backstage or at the clubs. And it just seems like such a unique community of people who are like, yeah, we're the guys who take our balls in our hand and go out there and put it all in the line. It really is.

It's kind of like, you know, when, if you're living in Los Angeles or even here, if you go to the comedy cellar here in New York or Caroline's or any of these clubs where, where you're, you're just hanging out regularly every night,

you kind of form a family with these other comics. You know them some well. Some of them are going out. Some are coming in from out of town, you know. Yeah, yeah. Same in L.A. There is kind of a dynamic comedy community out there. When I started, it was kind of the same, but it was more of a novelty if you were a stand-up.

Now everybody does stand-up. Yeah. You know, when I started, there was just mostly, you know, Jewish guys doing it, Irish guys, you know, New Yorkers, black guys, you know, and now it's like Arabs and Iranians and everybody's doing stand-up. And they, you know, instead of... It brings us a different perspective, though. I'm not saying it's bad. No, no, no. I know you're definitely not saying that.

But it is interesting to see. I always kind of think of it kind of the same way where I'm like, I like Jewish and Irish comedians. Because they resonate with me. Are you Irish? I am Irish. And the Jews are just funny. My last name is Feidelberg.

Feidelberg, but not Jewish. Your mom is Jewish? No, no one's Jewish. Feidelberg, is that German? It's German, so I was a bad one. You're German-Irish? That's what I tell people. That's what Jewish people tell me. I'm like, yeah, I'm German. My last name is Feidelberg. Feidelberg.

I used to live in a city in Germany called Heidelberg. You speak German, right? A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. But Heidelberg and Feidelberg. You were a bad one. I used to live in a city in Germany called Heidelberg. You speak German, right? A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. But Heidelberg and Feidelberg. Hans and Franz. What were you out there? You were out there for four years.

My father worked for a helicopter company, Sikorsky Aircraft. And so we moved out there. They had a contract with a German helicopter company. But the cool thing was, I was six until I was 10. The cool thing was, most Americans who lived there were military, and they lived on the military base. And I went to school on the military base, but we lived in the German neighborhoods. All my friends were German. Wow.

So I just, you know, I would trade my really cool American toys for these awesome, like, lead German toys, you know, the anonymous stuff. And my mother would say, what happened to your Lego? Oh, I gave it to a helmet down the street. She was, no, no, you got to get that back. This is poisonous. How much of that, that upbringing do you credit to your ability to really, you know, connect with, you know, anyway, as a standup comedian? Well, um, I was really shy growing up. I was really, there's five of us and my family kids,

and I was right in the middle. But I was really shy for the amount of traveling we did. We changed schools a lot, and I was always like, you know, the outcast one. I would sit like at the table. The lunch break was the worst,

you know, because everybody had their seats, you know, and you come into the school and you didn't know anybody, so you ended up with the nerds sitting in the room. Nobody talked at the lunch table.

It was just quiet. We're all like, we don't want to be here. How can you be a shy person and then end up doing what you do? Like, did you flip a switch at a certain age where you were no longer shy? I don't know. I don't know what happened, but I loved comedy. I loved music. To end up on live comedy TV when you would call yourself a shy person seems borderline impossible to me.

Well, being on stage, yeah. Well, I guess I just didn't want to be shy anymore. Do you think you're still shy? Because I think of myself as a very shy person. And I'm not in this room. And I'm not when I'm at work. But in public, I think of myself as a very shy person. And it's almost easier to be personable when you're considering it a job

I'm just working right now I find it easier to break out of the shell if I'm in a bar I'm very very very shy but in here it's easier to talk to people. You mean shy or dead inside? Again The dead inside is for sure You know for me I'm cool with

an audience of a thousand people but if there's like in a theater or a club but if I'm in with an audience of a thousand people. But if there's like, in a theater or a club, but if I'm in a place where there's like 12 people and it's not a club or anything and I'm at the comic, I'm a little shy. I can see that, yeah. I heard Madonna say that once. She got up on stage and she has some fundraiser.

She's playing the ukulele for maybe 300 people. And she said, I feel really nervous because I'm not used to playing in an intimate group like this. Yeah, you can see everybody's face and hear everybody. And yeah, do you think that you need to, I mean, you've been doing this, how long you said you're on stage for now? About 40 years.

40 years. Was there ever a time where you're like, I'm running out of stories or anecdotes? Or do you have to go through this? No, because you keep living. You keep having a life. Right. You keep doing things, you know.

So you never really, you know, things just happen to you. Like, you know, I did a film with Sandler once. And I met Jack Nicholson was in the movie. And, you know, I talk about how I crop dusted him once at a party because that happened yeah and i think i'm a big hunk of mine i think a lot of it feels like a lot of stand-up comedians have gone through like some shit in a way do you have you know i've been really lucky i've had a great upbringing yeah you know i got to travel all over europe when i was a kid i learned how to ski in austria i learned how to swim in Greece. You know, I have healthy parents.

My father just died eight months ago. He was 92. My mother's 90. Thanks. And, you know, none of my brothers or sisters have been sick. We never, nobody's like screwed up. Right. Went to good schools.

So I've been. That's easier. The world of comedy kind of does produce people who are not necessarily screwed up. There's a lot of people that have a lot of baggage and a lot of darkness in the comedy because maybe they haven't been heard in life and maybe they use

it as therapy or I don't know. A lot of your castmates in SNL went through it. Brody Stevens unfortunately tragically just passed. It seems like it's, I guess, a theme in a way. But even if they could have been accountants and done that too. Right.

It doesn't necessarily. So you think that's more kind of a nature thing? I think that's more of a chemical thing maybe or some kind of DNA thing. Because I think you just hear about it more when a comic does their life. I was going to say, you think it's more because of the celebrity of it rather than – Some guy in marketing, they're not going to really put that on the paper. But I saw Kumail Nanjiani, he was tweeting recently that he's been lucky enough to be in comedy I think for 17 years, something like that. And he said, he said, I've lost so many people along the way.

And it's interesting in the world of comedy, a world where you are theoretically sharing joy, whereas you're actually kind of usually sharing pain and you're just presenting it in a funny sense. But I guess I can understand how that happens, where you're so keen and you understand the world so well, I think, that you see it for what it is. It's pretty shitty. It's a pretty depressing world. Maybe, maybe.

But I think people that come from a dark place do stand up because it brings attention to their darkness. And they're able to share that with the people in the audience to show them what they're going through and putting a twist on it so they get a laugh. But still they're getting kind of reinforcement from that and support. Well, you go from one extreme to the other in the sense of darkness and drama. And then I see what Happy Madison has done for so long in the way Adam Sandler's done things, which just seems like you guys have been having a blast for a couple of decades now. Doing silly shit, doing heartfelt shit, doing stuff that's all very, very positive. Yeah, those movies have been fun to do. You know, it's always like kind of like it's like this up here. When I walked in here, I thought it was like a Sandler film.

Everybody's just hanging out and having fun. And, um, I must've done about over a dozen of his films. Hmm. And they've been fun. You know, we just go, you know, we filmed everywhere from South Africa to Canada, you know, everywhere. Yeah. And, um, I feel like you are, uh, your character in Happy Gilmore, like doing the bull dance.

You're able to stay positive, just envision it, just do it. That's right. You also got this voice here. You could do like books on tape, man. You're very like soothing. You could do like meditation. If the whole stand-up thing doesn't work out. Okay, that's another thing.

Okay, so driving an Uber, or I could do books on tape, or Starbucks. Those are the three. Sandler, I feel like you guys, or at least he, the Happy Madison crew is kind of his friends. I feel like he just kind of runs it back with the same people.

So you guys were friends off camera, before on camera, or did you meet through movies? I met at SNL Saturday Night Live. We hung out at SNL for several years and that's kind of and then he wrote Billy Madison

when we were both still on SNL. Just an American classic. And he wanted me to be on that and I couldn't do that one but then the next one was Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. And he wanted me to be on that, and I couldn't do that one. But then the next one was Gilmore, Happy Gilmore. And then, you know, there was one that he sent me that he wasn't in. He was just producing it. And I read it, and I thought, this is kind of cross. This is just too juvenile.

You know, I don't want to do this one. This is just, I'm sorry. And then he calls me and goes, Nealon, I really hope you do the film, because if you don't do it, it's a big hit. I'll be sad that you weren't in it. But if it's not a big hit, no one's going to see it anyway. I said, all right. And it was Grandma's Boy.

Oh, what a classic. Yeah, it was classic. It didn't do well in the movies, but it became like a cult on video. Sure. Did you get the Donald Sutherland on that? What was it with Donald Sutherland and Animal House? It was, what was it, $15,000 a percentage of the movie? He took the cash.

He did? Yeah. Brutal. Big mistake. Yep. Big mistake. Always take equity. Always take the percentage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never know what it's going to be. Yeah, but those films have always been fun to do. And I see them around. We live in the same neighborhood. Our kids go to the same school. What's his dress all about?

Why is he dressing up? I asked him that. What's he say? He likes to be comfortable. If you don't have to answer to anybody, you can wear whatever you want. If you're married. I'm rich. I'm happy.

I'm content. It doesn't matter what I wear. I want to be comfortable. Yeah. I guess I've never been comfortable, I don't think, Kevin. Really? Yeah. We talk about that all the time where I wear jeans when I get home.

When you get home, do you put on sweatpants or do you stay in them? Sweatpants. Sweatpants. Yeah. Pajamas. You do? Yeah. Right until bedtime.

I like looseness. It's interesting how some comics can go on stage wearing shorts. That is weird. I can't do that, you know? You get guys like Spade or Rob Schneider. I see them going on stage with, and a lot of these comics at the store and the improv, in the summer especially, they'll just come in with shorts on. You can't do it because of what?

Professionalism? Yeah, I just feel like, you know, it's distracting when you're on stage. I don't do anything that's distracting that takes away from the material. Like I'm not going to typically have a shirt that says, you know, H&H bagels on it or whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then people are looking at that and they think, oh, we had bagels there, remember, hon?

What did he say? What did he say? What did he say? What was the joke? What do you think about the other extreme? A guy like Seinfeld is always on stage in like a three piece suit. Takes it so seriously. He's always like decked out. Well, I mean, look at Steve Martin had the white suit.

Yeah. Some people just want a certain look. Right. Eddie Murphy is full leather. Burt Kreischer, no shirt at all. Yeah. That's right. That's right.

Is there any, you know. Where's our waitress, by the way? Is there any, like, you know, a new wave of comics or a new crew of comics come up? Is there any sort of territorial type of competitiveness or is it very much like, you know, I've been doing this for 40 years, you're new to the game and there's tension there or is it like everybody's kind of... Yeah, I mean

there's so many outlets for comedy now, it's not like there's one club. Right, there's no reason to compete for the same mic time. I mean, for me at least it's not. Maybe for somebody that's a little more new in the game, maybe they're more competitive. Like, why didn't I get a spot over there? Oh, why can't I get a spot here, you know?

But, you know, for me, it's just like, God, you could just create your own YouTube channel. Which you have. Yeah, I do. Hiking with Kevin Nealon. How do you get people to do that? Hiking's the worst. I can't believe you like it. Hiking is not really a good word to say.

Hiking, because that scares people. You think you're going to be working hard, but it's more like a walk. It's a walker. You're inclined a little bit. It should be called walking up hills with Nealon. But I can't even do that. I talked to my mom the other day.

I called her. I was in this studio. I was sitting in the chair, and her question was, are you at the gym? I was like, I'm literally just sitting there. Are you on the elliptical?

You sound like you're out of breath. I'm sitting in the studio. I am. I hear that all the time when I'm on my hikes. I do this hiking show called Hiking with Kevin. It's on YouTube. And people, my guests are always saying, are you alright? You want to slow down? I said, no, I'm good. It's just the way I am.

It's the way I am. But some of my guests aren't good hikers, like Spade, David Spade. I can see him being a terrible hiker. He needed a flat line. No incline at all. We went up a little bit on one section. He goes, are we going uphill? It's like 1%.

Come on. I'd call an Uber. I'd be like, all right, Kev, let's get in the car. You can tell those are the ones with the cups of coffee that are walking with me. Yeah. Now, you're kind of like, I guess I would say you are connected with the world through the hiking. And you're a vegetarian. You do a lot of work at PETA.

Well, I'm a pescatarian. You're a pescatarian. Yeah, I eat fish once in a while. Okay. Now, I feel like that always, I guess that's kind of a Connecticut thing. I don't ever think of that as being like a Northeast thing, but I guess that makes sense. What, like not eating meat? Yeah, I think of it as California.

Did you become that as a younger? I think maybe 30 years ago that was California, but now I think it's much more prevalent. See, I don't think it's prevalent because people always say that with how annoying vegans are and stuff like that. I think it's such a trope and it's so annoying because I've never met a vegan. One of the standard jokes is like, oh, how do you spot the vegan? They'll tell you. I've never met somebody. I've never had someone come up to me and say, I'm a vegan.

New York nuts. Well, I don't know. I just don't think we hang out with those type of people because I'm sure there are like the hippie dippy. You people. But they're not really hippie, dippy. I think more people are becoming progressive. Yeah, they're just healthy. They're healthy and happy.

They're understanding what factory farming is and slaughterhouses. Now, how long have you been a pescatarian? About 12 years. But before that, I was a vegetarian for like 27 years. So like 20 years in, you're like, I got to have some fish. My wife got pregnant and she wasn't eating like healthy. And she had such, when you go, your hormones start acting up. She had such a craving for salmon.

You know, like she felt like she could just swim in the ocean with her mouth open. Yeah, yeah. She needed it. So I said, you better eat some of this salmon. Then I started eating it. Couldn't go back? Before I became a vegetarian, my friend came back from Alaska. And he had this like really fresh wild salmon.

And he barbecued it. He put it on the grill. He cooked it. He invited me over. And it was just flaking off. And that was the last time I had salmon. So that was like on my mind for like 27 years. Finally scratched that itch.

My wife said, I got to have some salmon. I said, I'm right behind you, man. What would it take for you to go back to meat? Is there a number? I just don't have a desire for it because they make so many great substitutes now. They have this burger called the Impossible Burger. I've seen that all over the place. I haven't had one yet.

I mean, I sent it back. I thought it was a real burger. You sent it back? And I've had all kinds of veggie burgers. And this one came out. I go, this is not back. I thought it was a real burger. You sent it back? And I've had all kinds of veggie burgers. And this one came out. I go, this is not. And then they have the fake crab meat stuff, too. And I mean, they're really good.

Because it's all about texture and taste, right? And they've really kind of cemented it in. And they know exactly what to do now. The Impossible Burger is definitely one I've seen. I was out at Martha's Vineyard, I think, in December. And every restaurant I went to, probably four or five throughout the weekend, every single one had on the menu.

I haven't had this one yet, but I think Beyond Burger is another good one. Maybe I'll give this a whole roll. Keep trying. Google Impossible Burger, because you can't buy them. You have to get them at a diner. Is that the point? Is this impossible? It's impossible.

Another thing people probably don't know about you too well is you were a quarterback. can't buy them. They have to get them at a diner. Is that the point? Like, is this impossible? Is this impossible to, yeah. Now, another thing people probably don't know about you too well is you were a quarterback. I was, yeah. You were a quarterback at Fairfield. You could sling it? Yeah, man, I had a good arm. I had a good arm. I was a quarterback. What happened was I moved around a lot growing up, so I was never at one high school very long. So I didn't play sports in high school, but I

played sandlot football and pick-up games of basketball in my neighborhood and stuff. In Bridgeport, Connecticut, I grew up. And they were tough games. We had helmets and everything, and we had no refs. We played the gang from across the town at the football field when they weren't using it.

And it was just brutal. Shit, it's like a movie. Yeah. And so my friend, and I went to Sacred Heart University. I played soccer there, and then I played rugby for the Connecticut Yankees for three years.

Jesus. But my friend goes, my friend Bill, he said, hey, Kev, I just found out, Fairfield University, we could take a night course for three credits, and that'll qualify us for play football. Ah. I said, all right, let's go, man. So we took a course in criminology. We went to three classes, and we would play football there. The starting quarterback got hurt after the first game.

I got to play the whole season. I got an MVP. My friend got nominated All-American. You were an MVP? Yeah, yeah. Now that actually is a movie. That's unreal. And so I'm thinking, this is awesome.

I was 21. Oh, wow, okay. You know, I just graduated from Sacred Heart University. You're a ringer. And so it was great, man. We went on road trips. We went to St. Francis in Pennsylvania, that school. We went out to Long Island, Stony Brook.

Played all these different schools. And I had a great time. We really bonded with the team. To this day, my team still comes to see me at Caroline's. Okay. It's like old army buddies, you know? This weekend. I was only there for like, we played

I don't know, a dozen games. And then so we go back the next season to play and the coach calls us in the office. He goes, they changed the rules. You got to take 12 credits now. What happened was I think some of the guys that weren't playing, they wanted to be quarterback. Kind of complained.

So what do you think about the college pay for play? You know, that it's kind of the debate has always been raging and it's restarted with Zion Williamson now. Do you think athletes deserve to be paid in college? No. No? I don't think so. Really?

I think so. Well, I think I haven't put a lot of thought into it. I mean, I never even thought about this before. Well, it would have been nice to get a paycheck while you're out there winning MVP. Yeah, but a school is really to be learning, right? Well, not these guys. I understand scholarships. What about a scholarship?

Yeah, but you're making so much money for the institution, for the NCAA, that a free education is like a drop in the bucket. All right. Some of these guys are... Easy, sir. I like it. We're a man of your conviction.

So I was going to say, I was also a kicker and punter on Fair for You and I was pretty good as a punter you definitely deserved a paycheck you weren't all the hats

so when I move out to Los Angeles after they don't let us play again my goal is to my plan was to try out for the LA Express

as their punter and kicker it was the USFL football team at the time United States Football League and then I would also do stand up and that would be my hook he's a stand up but he's also the kicker. It was the USFL football team at the time, United States Football League. And then I would also do standup and that would be my hook. He's a standup,

but he's also the kicker for the LA Express. That's awesome. Or the other way around. He's also the kicker, but he's also a standup. Did it work? Well, what happened was, and I bought like six footballs.

I was practicing every day at Fairfax High School, their local high school. What happened was my comedy took off before the tryouts came. So luckily I kind of dodged that bullet it's a quick success yeah

never mind I don't need that gimmick I'm just really funny yeah alright well Man with a Plan is Mondays 8.30 on CBS

7.30 Central 7.30 Central you'll be at Caroline's February 28th through the 2nd yep and so you can catch him out on stage

and if anyone finds my laptop on a Delta Flight 40. Seriously. And just don't leak the sex tape that's on there. Thank you very much. That's right. And I've got Hiking with Kevin on YouTube. Hiking with Kevin on YouTube. Yeah.

All right. Thank you, man. Really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much.