KFC Radio - Does Andrew Cuomo Have His Nipples Pierced? Ft. Ms. Pat and Annie Lederman

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - People Keep jumping in front of Mike's trains - Would you buy Louis CK Tickets? - Quiggs makes an appearance to explain how he believes he can jump off the Empire State Building, while KFC doesn't think it's possible - KFC Radio Triathlon - Am I The A**hole - naked playing with a dog - what's in the box Voicemails - most risky holiday - weirdest interaction meeting someone for the first time - going back to 16 - 01:07:32 - Ms. Pat on what it means to be one of the greats in comedy, BET picking up her how, "y'all look like you play with d*ildos", and picking on Feits' pink skin - Annie Lederman on living in her car, her "freak" fans, does Andrew Cuomo have his nipples pierced, and being friends with Joe Rogan Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The official KFC Radio stance on this is cum. Yeah. It's a cum box. It's Jason's cum box. how many people do you think have jumped in front of Mike's trains this past month? What? How many people? Well, since I started working. Okay, Mike is our new intern.

It's KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Mike's our new intern. You've been working here since when? June. June. It's the middle of August. That's two and a half months. How many times has somebody jumped in front of your train? Confirmed two. But like there was another one that I was like, yeah. months how many times has somebody jumped in front of your train confirmed two jesus but like

there was another one that i was like yeah but uh yeah the other one the other day was like i was sitting at the uh stage the first two i'm like oh fuck you know isn't that that is one of the funny i've been living here for five years i have zero okay well i was gonna say i think that is the you know a lot of people have their corny like when did you become a New Yorker moment when someone jumps in front of your train confirmed and your reaction is like fucking come on that's when

you're a New Yorker when you are more upset that you've been inconvenienced by someone splattering themselves you don't think about them you don't think about their family you don't think about the poor people that clean up the platform and the track and hose down the fucking front of the train.

You just go, are you fucking kidding me? That's train traffic. Motherfucker. You don't think the therapy the conductor is going to need to go through? That guy was honking like, get out of the fire.

Oh my God. And you know what? They're the realest New Yorkers. Those guys are like, get the fuck out of here. I'm a shit train traffic my ass just plow through these people i mean there really should be like a there should be like a suey track you know it's like if you want to do it you do it over here you know on like this this This line here is not as frequently. There's not as much traffic, not as many people.

You're not going to disturb. And they just pedal to the metal. Snowpiercer that shit. Just... And then that way, everybody wins. You get to splatter yourself. You get your big display, but nobody really gets to give you hints. It would be great. It would be fantastic.

That's the only path I'd take. Wait, are you talking LIRR or Subway? LIRR, yeah. Yeah, see, that's some Kirkman engine. Like, Subway is one thing. You're down there. You whispered that like we are not going to put it in an episode. Like, I haven't done this like four or five times before.

But, you know, like actually, you know, what's crazy about the Long Island Railroad is there's always so much goddamn train traffic. It's never really going that fast. I feel like you're always going like 15 miles an hour on the Long Island Railroad because it's like, you know, there's traffic at Jamaica and you got to switch at this station and shit. I feel like, you know, you jump in front of the long Island railroad. You might just get like names. You're just like highly inconvenient. You just get a headache. Six years. But you just bump and you're like,

oh man, throws you off the track. But that means, you know, you're averaging one a month. That's right. You know, it's like,

okay, I got my, my August quotas filled. One time I was coming home. This was, I think two years ago I was coming home. It was like 3am and the train stops. I'm like, I years ago. I was coming home. It was like 3 a.m. And the train stops.

I'm like, I'm trying to get the fuck home. Don't tell me it happened again. So I walked out. And I walked out of the train. They just stopped. This train is not moving. There was an 80-year-old man at 3 a.m. in the morning. He was lost.

Like, didn't know where I was. And he was just standing in the middle of the tracks. And they stopped him. Holy fuck. I mean, like, this close. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah.

That's, that's... That guy was really... He was like, come on! Yeah. You fucking kidding me? He's like, there's fucking, there's much to go. What do I got, Captain Sully back there as a conductor? Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah. Man, that's special. He had to do, like, the fugue stage. Like, yeah, no, no, I definitely wasn't trying as a conductor. Jesus Christ, man. That's special. He had to do the fugue stage. Yeah, no, no. I definitely wasn't trying to kill myself. Get home to your grandkids. I'm lost. I don't know.

Grandkids are like, Grandpa's totally with it. What do you mean? That's the crossword puzzle every week. He's just suicidal. That's some funny stuff. That's some dark, dark shit. If you like dark humor, Dave is some weird humor. Dave is one of the funniest, most original shows in years because it's so fucking weird.

And I feel like what I love about it is I feel like they just went to Lil Dicky and they just gave him the keys and they just said go. Just fucking do it. Like, I can't imagine. I can't imagine that there was something that Lil Dicky did that FX said no to because of what's airing. From what I've seen, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like if that was the second weirdest thing he came up with, like, what's the fucking weirdest? I mean, I'm so embarrassed it took me so long to get on this show. Like, what's the fucking weirdest? I mean, I'm so embarrassed.

It took me so long to get on this show. Oh, it's like, I mean, it was like, I finally, I just, just recently started season one. Season two is out now, but you just started season one. I started, I think episode four of season two, I started the full thing. Wow. Yeah. I mean, season two is great, but season one was fucking like took my breath away i mean the the scene in the garage with the milking table eating her ass and get him getting

milked that being on regular cable like not premium is fucking nuts man fx just went for it little thing he's fucking that doll and he's getting milked and like I mean and you know it's funny because I know the girl who plays Allie has been on Chicks and she was talking about like she shot the pilot and the pilot's like relatively tame and then they picked it up and they're like congrats like we've been picked up here's your script

and then she was like oh wait a second because that girl is like a nice sweetheart who's just talking about milking and ass eating and all you know what I mean? Like that's some wild shit to just be like, by the way, you're now going to have to be the TV girlfriend of like the weirdest fucking guy on TV. And then season two with Benny Blanco. What is Benny Blanco doing? He's like a co-star of Dave.

Bro, Benny Blanco is way too famous. That's what I love about it. Like all these guys are just like, we're famous, we've got a ton of money, and they're just doing this shit for fun. Yeah. You know, that's the kind of shit I think I would do. I mean, you know it's episode four or five maybe when he puts like gum in his own asshole? Yeah.

I mean, when the Chuck scenes where they just call each other Chuck and just do gay stuff to each other? Absolutely crazy, man. So, I mean, if you can't tell, we're very big fans of Dave. And both seasons are now streaming on FX and Hulu. And

season one is Lil Dicky, of course, and our guy Chito Santino. The first scene Chito's in where they're in the bathtub together and they're like popping each other's pimples. I was like, holy shit, Santino, you are crazy. And then and then season two once it popped it's got i mean it's got uh benny blanco doja cats in an episode little nas x kevin hart kendall jenner's all over it she brings like all her model friends through it's wild so uh uh streaming both both seasons are

absolutely incredible it broke like all every record for viewers and streaming and all that shit. It's like one of the most successful TV shows legit ever. So, Dave, all episodes available now streaming on FX and Hulu. Today we got two unbelievable interviews. We got Miss Pat who came through and she just like eradicates us. Just nuclear bomb. We look like we suck dildos. Without spoiling it, I said to her,

what do you think when you walk in? So Miss Pat, as I was told, came yesterday. She did Joe Rogan and Whitney Cummings and then flew here to do the late night shows and our show. And I think she's got some other press in between. I'm not saying that's all she did. But some of the other names that were being thrown around there were major names in the game. So I was very flattered.

I was very honored that Ms. Pat keeps us in there because the times that she came through, I think she just has fun with these wild, weird white boys. So I said to her what do you think when you just look at like two corny white guys like us and she was like I don't think anything two minutes later she's like you guys look like you stick dildos on tables and lick them that's what you think there's your and you know what that makes sense that that is what you would think about us yeah like she probably walks around like they probably walked out being like yeah them white boys they look they look dildos, don't they?

Just a black and white cookie moment, you know? Racial harmony here on KFC Radio with Miss Pat. And then just one of the biggest freak shows on the planet Earth, Annie Letterman. Annie Letterman is a – she escaped from the circus. She is on the run from Barnum and bailey she is a a carny freak and she's here and uh is just two just fucking great interviews so don't miss either of them i know we talked last week saying sometimes we just tack on uh an interview uh that way if you like us you can listen to us and then just skip the interviews these are not skipped type interviews make sure you watch these they're very definitely definitely listen to them.

I got a question for you. This was posed to me earlier right outside the door of the studio and I would say that I delivered the incorrect answer. I would say that I have several co-workers who are now

pretty horrified with me. They asked me, would you, I'm going to ask you, would you go to a Louis C.K. show? Yes. Okay, good. Don't say that out there.

Why? The girls out there were like, I mean, I bought his stand-up at the beginning of the pandemic so did i didn't say that so so i said it was really fun and then i tried to backtrack a little bit because i actually did think like i would what i would if you told me that like i would if i was going to a louis ck show and let's say there was like a fucking KO Barstool type of protest outside and they were going to be like, look, Kevin Clancy from Barstool is there. I wouldn't – I don't want that. If there's some sort of like – can you – look at all the people we saw going in to see Louis C.K. and it's going to be like a problem.

I'm not doing that. But like I would go to Louis C.K. I mean we have a bunch of coworkers who are going Friday night. So I said it just like you. Yes. And they went, oh, my God. And then I was like, well, I mean, I guess if there was an issue. And then she was like, you would like pay money.

And in my head, I'm like, I already did. I was like, yeah, no. Yeah, you're right. I said something a little worse. I thought they were asking if we'd have them on the show. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. I said something a little worse. I thought they were asking if we'd have him on the show. I was like, oh, yeah, definitely. That's a bigger yes. And they were like, what?

And I'm like, yeah, we go hard on them. Oh, yeah. I mean, I then was like, well, here's the thing. I watched his last special, and it is so fucking funny. And they were like, how many more pearls can I clutch? And I was like, yeah, it's just undeniably funny. Even if you went into it wanting to not like it, you walk away saying that's fucking funny. And they were just like, okay.

And one of them had DM'd their – messaged their boyfriend being like, would you go see Louis C.K.? And he immediately was like, yes. And then she was kind of like questioning it. And he wrote back like, wait, why? Because he's been canceled? She was like, yes, that's why. He's been canceled. But that was the wrong answer for the crowd out there.

No. I was invited to go with these coworkers. I'm not going to expose them. But it's a bunch of nice people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The nicest ones. I mean, I feel like most people would, too, though. I don't know.

I think they would. Yeah. Like, if you polled everybody here, what do you think it is? I would say 70%. 70%, 30%. Yeah, 70%, 30%. Yes. It might be higher than that. It's probably 90-10.

But then also, to these girls' credit, clearly, you know, probably not going to like me much. We're not exactly the similar types, I guess. But we were like, do you not listen to Michael Jackson music? And she was like, no, I don't anymore. And I was like, oh, okay. And you're just fucking down for the cause. You are just committed to this shit. I was like, you're telling me when ignition hits that you're not like,

toot, toot, beep, beep. She was like, no, not anymore. And I said, good for you. Then I, rest my case, you are a genuinely good person. And I apparently am not. But, yeah, we thought we had a couple gotcha moments there, and we did not. That was the second little, like, you know, we do all this kind of work over there. We do all these powwows where the bloggers sit.

Over here is more business people and some editors. That's the second little like powwow I had recently. The other one involved Quiggs. Okay. Quiggs and you might – do you know what is – okay. Quiggs wants to jump off the Empire State Building, okay? And so Quiggs thinks he – now remember, Quiggs came from NASA. So he knows his numbers.

So I was like questioning my ability to question him. I was like, I really think you're wrong. He's going to run at 12 miles per hour, slower assuming, which is about a six-second 40-yard dash. So it's like relatively possible for quicks. He said he's going to jump off the Empire State Building. And I don't know how or why this started, but it was funny that I got roped into it because my dad used to work at the Empire State Building,

so he told me a lot of this shit. There's only one person who's ever reached the street when you jump off the Empire State Building. And he told me a lot of this shit. There's only one person who's ever reached the street when you jump off the Empire State Building. And it was because there was this gust of wind that picked him up and carried him. Everyone else, you just land on one of the landings because it's jagged.

He said he's going to land, he's going to make it to the street. He's going to land 154 feet from where he jumps. And I know you're not a math guy, and so I can see your brain's already in a pretzel. But, like, think about Quigs just jumping off of something. He's going to sink like a fucking rock, you know?

He's not going to go. No, I disagree. I'm with Quigs. I think if he runs, I think he ends up. We've actually... This is a debate I've had before. And it was... Could you cross the street?

Yeah, I don't think you could. I think you can't. I think you get across the street. I don't think you can. Can you just poke your head out there and see if he's there? Because I feel like there's something in physics where it's like you're, like, think about it.

You're not going to continue going for much longer. You're just going to sink like a fucking rock. I disagree. I'm with Quiggs. Yeah, we're talking Empire State Building again. First of all, why was this a thing? Why did this even come up?

Somebody killed themselves on the vessel. I love that we have a suicide building. That thing? That's called the vessel? Yeah, I mean, everybody just goes there to kill themselves. They have to close that thing down because the people just won't stop killing themselves. That was one of KB's best where he put up the picture

and said, like, I'm next. Because he was waiting in line. I just don't think it's it's right and i don't know how to how to like like prove it to you but i just i still don't understand why you're gonna move 105 154 feet physics i i i mean i know you say that but i just know there's something where you're not. What are you saying my argument is? You said that you would land 154 feet out. Like you're going to clear all this building and that you're going to land on the other side of the fucking, like the next block basically.

Yeah. So that's crazy. Like 154 feet is like going another block. So like Squiggs is going to like jump like across to the other buildings like fucking Spider-Man. I think he would. Yes. Why would you think that? So somebody said that I couldn't hit the ground.

Yeah, I don't think you're going to race around. Because like nobody in the history of jumping off the Empire State Building has. But I'm assuming that I'm running off at 12 miles per hour. And that does – that for sure makes a difference. And I'm sure most people do just kind of plummet. But I – and so maybe you'll get further, and maybe you can't even make it to the street. But this 154 feet thing, I just don't – I mean I don't know enough how to prove it's wrong. But if you're just running and jumping, like you're not going to go – you're not going to cross the street. That's – so the way like physics work is basically gravity will be the only thing taking me down.

That's the reason I fall. Right. And that's a constant. So I'm going to be falling down at the same rate, 9.81 meters per second squared. But are you going to maintain this 12 miles an hour? Yes. Really? You don't lose any momentum or inertia or whatever?

It's negligible. That's where what I would argue is that you're going to lose momentum. So yeah, there's like air resistance, but it would be so negligible that like my number of 154 like not accounting for air resistance might be like 140. Yeah, I mean I – And then there's also like the gusts of wind and like all that kind of shit, which like – So maybe that's what – But that could even like help. I just don't think – yeah, I think the one guy who did reach the street, it was like 80 mile an hour winds or something crazy like that. I just – yeah, I mean my final answer is I just don't think that Quiggs is like Spider-Man and can jump from building to building.

I think he is. I think – There's only one way to find out. So get your ass up. There's like no backing on that. No, I know. But well, I mean mine feels like it's just like common sense to me. Whereas I know you're saying like no, it's not the common sense, which is like these numbers.

I just don't think that you can jump that far. But it's the fact that like I am going down like I think – do you know the height? Like 1,300 feet? I am moving 12 miles per hour for the, like. Forever, in perpetuity? Yes. I would think you're even increasing speed. No.

You don't increase speed. When you're falling, how are you not increasing speed? You are increasing speed in the Y direction. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then in the X, you would assume that you're not increasing or decreasing because there's no – There's just got to be some variable we're missing that says that quigs can't jump from fucking block to block. That's just my final answer, and I don't care. So get up there and fucking jump, quigs.

That's – I mean – The other problem is I don't know. You can't really run and jump, I don't think. I don't know if there's like a place to do it. This is like assuming that I can run. That was just the other argument I had. The other argument that was out there was, would you go see Louis C.K. in person?

I wouldn't go see any comedian in person. Really? Not a comic guy? Yeah. Who doesn't like comedy? That's weird. I just don't like to laugh. Funny things? No. Let me get back to my job at Barstool Sports.

I'm like a podcast over comedy. We'll take that then. Alright, well go jump off a building. Let us know. We'll get into some Am I the Assholes and then our interviews. Our voicemails and then our interviews. But first, I believe

I believe we have a KFC Radio triathlon in the works, which, from the younger bucks, I'm out of that game. I'm out of, like... Oh, were you ever in it, Kevin? I mean, I was forced to, yeah. I was forced to do all sorts of dumb dog and pony show bullshit for this company, and know you're playing hockey and shit and people are golfing i'm like i'm done with all this we were laying on the fucking floor of

the studio today just because podcasting is too taxing for us you know what we need to get is that helix bed we need to have a helix you need to have a communal studio bed where when you know this podcasting game gets to be too much just hop on there and take a little nap you think like how embarrassing that is that we took in like i mean i could have gone to sleep we much, just hop on there and take a little nap. You think how embarrassing that is that we took a, like, I mean, I could have gone to sleep. We were tired just from talking. Too much. Too much talking, bro.

Internet coal miners, man, it takes its toll. We're going to get into Helix bed in here, have our communal mattress. If you're a normal person, you just want to get your mattress, a new mattress in your apartment or your home, Helix is the way to go. You head over to Helix.com and you, HelixSleep.com and you take the quiz. This quiz is like how big you are, how old you are, what your preferences are,

all that kind of shit. And it turns, it delivers like which type of mattress you should buy. So they have a whole different array of types made of different things, different firmness, softness, different sizes. It determines if you're a plus size person. They have plus size mattresses so that you get a

customized mattress for you that makes sure that you personally, individually get a better sleep. This isn't just like, hey, one mattress fits all. This is like we find the one for you that makes sure you are more comfortable than ever before. It's the perfect way to sleep for you. Go to helixsleep.com slash KFC and you'll get $200 off all your mattress orders plus two free pillows. You'll get the mattress that fits you whether you're a side sleeper or a back sleeper, whether you move around, whether you're on your stomach, whether you're big, small, whether you crawl around, light sleeper, heavy sleeper, all of that.

You'll get a brand-new mattress, $200 off, and two free pillows when you go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. So Jackie, who went from intern to senior producer in her eyes real quick, is now challenging. Or Mike, who challenged who here? Because we also have intern Mike, who is apparently like the bringer of death. He has like the subway touch of death. Everywhere he goes, there's people jumping in front of trains. Apparently there's a challenge out that you guys are going to do some sort of triathlon. I think it was me that brought it up,

because I was tired of Jackie saying that she could like be me at things. Like what? Because he's just, like. As she rips the mic away from him. I'm sorry. He's just, like, blatantly the better intern of us two. Like, he just, like, knows how to do shit. But then, like, whenever I have something above him, I'm like.

You gotta hold it over him. You see that? You know, I have to hold it over him. So. Right. It's clear that I'm a better Googler. I'll take that. So that's going to be one part of the triathlon. Literally, like's clear that I'm a better Googler. I'll take that. So that's going to be one part of the triathlon.

Literally, Keegan and Shay are better Googlers. I don't take any pride in that, but that was just one thing. He had one episode where he Googled. I was Googling for multiple. Horribly every time. Wait, when we said triathlon, I didn't realize Google searches were doing it. No, we're just making shit up. So Googling, so that's something that's like a strength of mine.

We don't know that. The bar is so low. What's the second event? So Jackie thinks that she's really good at rapping, and so that's her strength, so she's taking that part of the triathlon. That's what she says. So are you going to write a verse or something? Because Jackie also thinks that part of the triathlon. Okay. That's what she says. So are you going to like write a verse or something? Well,

Jackie also thinks that a verse is one rhyme. Jackie says two words that rhyme and she becomes a rapper. It's a quality of her quantity type of thing. Uh-huh. Okay. I guess you got to get like four quality bars in and then you can move on to the next. But we're going to start off as what we both can't do, which is swim.

Oh, yeah. Did you know this? These motherfuckers can't swim. of you notice dude I know that's I know I know yes it's insane no but tell them why you can't swim I was like five and I fell into a pool and like drown and like they're like do CPR bring me back so you're like bring me back to the head I wasn't breathing so I was like Batman, you're afraid of it. I wasn't breathing, so I was like deathly afraid. Deathly afraid of what? You big fat pussy. You could have either become Aquaman,

where we could have thrown you back in the deep end, you would have overcome your fear, and then water would become your ally, or you'd just become a pussy who can't swim at the age of like 23. And we know which way this went. And what's your excuse, Jackie? At least he almost died,

you just can't do it. No, I just didn't really learn how to swim. You're from Cali. But that, no, no. Here's my, is I, and I've said this multiple times. I think that, like, in terms of, like, multitasking, I, it's like patting your head. You know, like, I just can't like all four limbs cannot move at the same time

I cannot you don't have to well all four limbs do not have to fucking move at the same time she can doggy paddle and so I said

we're gonna do this segment and we're gonna put on YouTube Jackie does doggy and we're just gonna get all the fucking views we can get for the you know but

but yeah so she can move her arms or her legs. She can't move her arms and her legs. She can't do both. So that's kind of why. By the way, if you weren't watching on the YouTube as she was talking, she's like, it's like a thing where you can't. She started to try to rub her head and pat her tummy.

She couldn't do that either. But so mine's some kind of like mental, you know, whatever. Right. But here's my strategy for the triathlon. Is I drown him. Oh, sure. And just bring him back during the swimming section. And then we go straight into the wrap.

What was our order? It was swim, Google wrap. Yeah. So we're going to risk death first. I thought it was swim. Okay. Assuming that maybe rap is after, he obviously is still shook

from drowning. This is one of the dumbest things we have ever done here, and I can't get enough of it. When I heard that they couldn't swim the other day, John, I can't understand adults who can't swim and adults who can't ride bikes.

What's wrong with you? How did this never happen to you? Just float. It's so easy. I put you in there and you just sink. I got back in the water around 12 or 13. I started getting back in the water. Oh, you tough.

I got in that water. You said you get in the pool, but the ocean, you're like, The ocean, not going. He goes like this. I can't get in the water, but if I get in the pool, but like the ocean, you're like not. The ocean, not going. Oh, and you know what he said? He goes like this. He's like, I can't get in the water, but like if I'm in the ocean, I'm doing this. I don't go anywhere. I'm not going anywhere.

So are we going to do ocean or pool? The ocean is fucked up. You can't take a guy who can't swim and throw him in the ocean. The ocean is like the most powerful force on the planet Earth. I will give you that. So then what is the, is it like laps? Like who can swim a faster lap?

Or like you both go at the same time down and back? Yeah, like two, like down and back. Same time or like time wise? Like if you go at the same time it's just whoever

reaches the wall? Yeah. Okay, so that is gonna, and we're doing like an Olympic pool? Yeah, like a full size. I mean, I don't know how I'll make it.

We should keep it short. Do the half length Olympics. So it's essentially one Olympic length. I want a down and back in a smaller pool. I think we need a turn involved. That's a 50-yard dash. Right. How far is an Olympic pool?

An Olympic one's really long, right? Olympic pools are – I'm trying to cut cameras off the talk. This is getting real fucked up. It's 50 each way. So, like, down and back is 100 versus, like, that's normally four in, like, a pool in your high school. I think I can get you guys – I think the pool that I go to is big enough and small enough at the same time for you guys to do it down and back. This is what I was saying was in PE.

This motherfucker's called PE. I know. It's called gym class. It's gym class, bro. I mean, it's not. It's physical education. I actually think they just straight up switched that overall. I'm sure it is.

You never said P.E. No. The teacher said P.E. because they need to make themselves not sound like a failure of life. I'm a P.E. teacher. It's like, you're a gym teacher, bro. No shade. I didn't even have a gym. What did you have?

Didn't have it. You just didn't have a physical class? Nope. I mean, in high school we didn't. Growing up I did, but high school we didn't. That makes more sense. I always thought it was kind of weird. It's like, what school we didn't. Growing up I did, but high school we didn't. That makes more sense. I always thought it was kind of weird. It's like, what are we doing here?

You're playing dodgeball? It's like, this is awesome, but why are we? How about we just cut an hour off of school and I can go home? You know, do this with my friends. But also, you keep bringing up PE is why you don't swim. It's like nobody swims at gym class. Yeah, they do. Very few people do.

Very few grade schools have access to a pool for their kids. Well, mine did. And so why don't you swim? She told me her gym teacher was like, you just sit this way. That's when I kind of,

I tried doing one lap and they told me to sit out of the whole unit. That's when I kind of, like, I tried doing one lap, and they told me to sit out, like, of the whole unit. That's why I can't believe. So that's why I think that we should only do one lap because I know for a fact that I can't do more than that. This is why I think the rules should cater to me because otherwise I will lose. That's why I can't believe there are any gym classes that swim just because it's a monster liability. Yeah, right? Like, oh, this fuck.

I didn't know this kid was a spaz who was going to drown, sir. Like, sorry, Your Honor. I thought people knew how to fucking swim. To get out of gym, I would be a lifeguard during gym class, and that was fucking so annoying. They would put kayaks in the pool. What? Yeah.

Kayaks? We had a gym, like a fucking hardwood gym. That was it. We played like basketball. That was it. People would flip over and then not flip back for a while. Yeah, that's wildly dangerous. Am I going? Yeah, they were trying to teach them how to

flip themselves. No, they weren't very bad at it. When I was in middle of high school, they came up with something called alternative or some shit. And it was basically for like... It was for the fats. it was for the fats.

It was for the people who couldn't play like real sports. And they would do like yoga and they would walk laps and they would do stretching and like meditation while like the regular kids were just like blasting each other with balls and like playing steal the bacon and shit.

It was called Alternative? Something like that. It had like a name, but we basically called it Yoga Gym. And it was kind of like, do you do like Yoga Gym? It was almost like special ed for gym. It had like a name, but we basically called it Yoga Gym. And it was kind of like, do you do like Yoga Gym? It was almost like Special Ed for gym. It was a bad look.

If you did Special Ed Gym, you were a loser. Okay, well, let's do this. When are we doing it? Soon? Yeah. All right, we'll get this set up. I mean, this is a Special Ed occasion. Talk about Special Ed.

Wait, wait, wait. This is subscriber goal. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 80criber goal. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. 80,000 subscribers. Should we get, like, Detroit? Yeah, you'll have time between now and when we get 80,000 subscribers. What does the loser get?

That's probably what it should be. The punishment? Okay, because the winner gets, like, you know, basic bragging rights of, like, I'm a functioning human. The loser... The loser... We'll come up with that. We'll do 80,000 subscribers to get this off the ground, to do this, and then comment on this episode below on the YouTube

what you think the punishment should be for the loser and or the reward for the winner. KFC Radio Triathlon, let's go. If we hit 80, like, tomorrow because of this, I'm going to fucking lose it. I hope we do because I want this shit to go down fast. KFC Radio Triathlon, let's do it.

Go to KFC Radio on YouTube, subscribe, and leave a comment on what you think should happen. I'm not actually going to rap battle him. I'm not actually going to rap battle him. Yeah. I haven't talked about rap battle him. I haven't talked to my game about rap battle.

I obviously can't. I also have a sneaky feeling. Can you rap? No. Not like rap. No, but I don't know. You look like you listen to rap music. You probably can rap along with the lyrics.

He's going to come up with two rhymes and beat your one. I know Jackie's sitting there going, what rhymes with triathlon? All right, Am I the Asshole? This should have just been one gigantic Am I the Asshole segment. Am I the Asshole today is brought to you by Roman. Miss Pat, she's on the show later, and I brought up the Roman swipes. I just had a feeling that that would be something that would interest Miss Pat was on She's on the show later And I brought up The Roman swipes I just had a feeling That that would be something That would interest Miss Pat

That you know There's something out there That can make your dick Last longer in bed And she ended up Walking out of here With a whole stack Of Roman swipes

For her I don't know about her Her hairdresser Yeah she was giving it To her daughters Her friends Her hairdressers Everybody

No that was That was her Because her daughter One of her daughters is gay I know that because last time she came through oh she was trying to get her to turn straight for francis um but yeah this was you know her her crew that came through they walked out with a big stack of them because they were like oh i'll take that she goes to me how how much longer does it make you last in bed and i was like about 50 percent more and she was like so what's that like two or

three minutes i was like yeah yeah uh but that's what roman does they helped they help fight any and all of the erectile problems that can be the dysfunction meaning you can't get it up it can mean premature ejaculation uh and that's why roman they call it being roman ready so uh think about you know think about the roman John, with that strong Roman nose of yours. Think about when they were ready to invade some other fucking barbarian tribe and take it over and expand the empire. They were fucking Roman ready. And that's what you're going to be with your dick when you get in the bedroom.

You're going to be Roman ready to let that thing fucking fly and know that it's going to last the whole length of battle. And if you do need a doctor, they can set you up. You get on the Internet or call up Roman. They match you with a U.S. licensed healthcare professional. They work with you to find the best prescription and the best treatment for you. And then so you can get the prescription medication for the pills. Then you can get the swipes, the medicated swipes that numb you up and help you last longer.

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Am I the asshole for being uncomfortable with my girlfriend being naked around her dog? 33 male. My girlfriend, 30, hates clothes to the point where she actively researched nudist colonies. And if I wasn't having to occasionally go into the office, she would have moved there. Sorry, wait, hang on. To the point where she has actively researched

nudist colonies. And if it wasn't for having to occasionally go into the office, she would have moved there long before she met me. So she's always naked around the house, which for me, it's hella nice. She's got a rockin' bod. The issue is her two-year-old dog.

The dog is a super cute and fluffy great Pyrenees. Very well trained. 10 out of 10, a good girl. My girlfriend was there when she, my girlfriend was there when her friend brought the heavily pregnant mom home from the pound. She was there at the birth immediately fell in love she sees that dog as the closest thing she'll ever have to a kid due to medical issues however my girlfriend is just always naked at home playing

with the dog naked cuddling on the couch naked she keeps a slip dress by the door for walks but otherwise naked and it's weird right i tried to be subtle but finally the other day i sat down with her and pointed out that yes she's trained the dog to not sniff human butts but it's still like something out of an illegal adult movie for her to be naked with an animal all the time she got pissed and asked me to leave i tried to talk some sense into her but she wasn't listening to it i finally left her house and once i got back to her apartment i tried texting one of her friends but she blew up at me it. I finally left her house, and once I got back to her apartment, I tried texting one of her friends, but she blew up at me saying I was an ass.

My girlfriend is now radio silence. Am I the asshole here? Edit. Wow, I had to step away to make dinner. This really blew up. To answer some questions, no, I'm not a troll, and no, I'm not jealous of a literal female dog. I know my girlfriend isn't doing anything, but it's still weird. I mean, I don't...

There's literally nothing weird about this. This guy has has it would be weird if he was a guy so girls can be naked with their dogs guys can't be like you got like your dicks there and like your pussies there yeah but a pussy's nothing like a pussy is an absence of a dick yeah like it's just like there's no protrusion no it's it's if there's a dick flopping around in the dog's face, he'd probably be liable to bite it. But a pussy's just a hole. If it was... If this was a guy, this is bizarre.

But because it's a woman, it's not at all. I think that's fucking sexist. And I think you could play with your dog naked if you're a guy or a girl. I don't think you can. I think it's a lot weirder. Men, do not play with your dog naked. you're a guy or a girl. I don't think you can. I think it's a lot weirder. I'll tell you what. Men, do not play with your dog naked. Women, do whatever you want.

I'll tell you what, dude. We are three interviews and three ATIs deep. I did a one-minute man earlier, and now I'm loopy, and this is so ridiculous to me. I feel like I'm having a fever dream like you're like your dick's flopping around you cannot play

bro if you if you got if you got a fucking dog keep your dick away from him but pussy's good to go

bro if there's a fucking dick in the room the dog shouldn't be in the room cause you think the dog wants to bite it I think he's probably gonna bite it but you've had sex with a dog in a room I have dog shouldn't be in the room. Because you think the dog wants to bite it? I think he's probably going to bite it.

But you've had sex with a dog in a room. I have, yeah. You licked your ass, right? You licked my ass, yeah. That was a problem. You didn't lick her ass, you licked your ass. You didn't lick my ass, yeah. Maybe you're onto something here, John. I see what you're saying. Okay, I'm with you on that.

But this guy, I mean, thinking that... I mean, it's just 100... I'm so right on this. It's 100% factual. That dog will probably try and bite that dick. But if he doesn't, then who cares? I don't know. What if you tried to bite your dick and you trained him not to?

Bro, I don't think guys should be naked, period. Yeah, guys should always have clothes on unless they're having sex Or guys Shouldn't even have sex They shouldn't have sex or they shouldn't get naked They should stick their dicks out There's nothing to see When Nacho wears those underwear Where he just pokes his dick out

We should all have those Underwear with a dick hole in them We all do His are like a hole cut out for his dick. I don't think he like snakes it through to pee. That's like his sex hole. Oh, I know. I think it's a snake job.

Well, I'm talking about something specifically where I've seen like a hole cut out. Okay. I haven't seen this one. Plus, I'm not thinking of Nacho. I'm thinking of Mike Adriano. Mike Adriano. I feel like Mike Adriano kind of like became the new Nacho. No.

I feel like Nacho had the dick that everybody knew in porn, and then Mike had it. It's like passing the torch. It's like LeBron and MJ sort of thing. It's like... Anyway, this guy, like, this is one of those things where you think everyone's going to have your back.

Like, yo, my fucking crazy girlfriend is naked around the dog. That's gross, right? It's like you're clearly having some weird thoughts about this dog sexually with your girl, and the issues are with you. That's like when everybody had the Howitzer Gate shit, and it was like, you guys are the ones sexualizing this. You guys see these kids, and you're turning it into sex. You guys see this dog and a naked person, and you think something's weird yeah you're the fucking weird you're into bestiality yeah that you have some issues with that dude so uh yeah no i i think you're cool i i think you can also be a guy but john no john says no no men keep your fucking pants on when the dog's in the room. Am I the asshole for cleaning out the fridge without telling my husband?

My D.H. brought home a metal box? What's a D.H.? Domestic husband or something? I don't know. My D.H. brought home a metal box that he checks on often during the day when it's in the fridge? Dear husband. Dear husband, yeah fridge? Dear husband. My dear husband. That's like a cutesy name?

My dear husband? Yeah, it's a big Reddit thing. Do you say gay? Yeah. I hope the mics picked that up. Gay. That is super gay. That is super fucking gay. What does this mean? He brought home a metal box that he checks often?

When I asked him about it, he said it contained freshly picked olives his friend Jason got from his uncle's farm and wanted dear husband to keep it until he got back from his business trip. What the fuck? I had no problem with the fuck i had no problem with it i had no problem with him keeping it safe at the bottom of the fridge i needed something else than dear husband what are we gonna fucking call this guy pick a name jackie rick rick always asked me to be cautious with the box and not open it as it would be rude to touch other people's stuff yesterday i decided to clean out the fridge which took me about two hours from unplugging the

fridge emptying all the items groceries vegetables, vegetables, and containers, and washing and cleaning the inside of it, then letting it settle before plugging it in again. I took the box my husband brought out of the fridge, then placed it on the kitchen island along with the other containers. While I was working, I received a video call via WhatsApp from my husband while I was bored. I showed him I was cleaning out the fridge, and he suddenly freaked out and asked about the metal box. I was confused, so I told him to calm down and showed him I was cleaning out the fridge, and he suddenly freaked out and asked about the metal box. I was confused, so I told him to calm down and showed him where the box was. He got mad at me, saying I shouldn't have cleaned out the fridge nor even touched the box without telling him.

I again tried to ask him to calm down, so I said no big deal. His precious box was safe and sound, but he went on a rant about how the box needed to be put back in the fridge ASAP and told me to plug in the fridge right then, but I couldn't because it was wet and I still hadn't finished cleaning the other parts. Apparently, I pissed him off by stalling and he hung up. 30 minutes later, he came home and pitched a hissy fit saying I should have picked a time when he was home to clean out the fridge so he could take the box somewhere else to keep it cool.

I said that it was sitting out there for barely two hours and olives can stand being outside for a longer period he said i don't get it uh and took the box wanted to leave i asked where he was taking it he said he had no time to explain i shrugged this whole thing off um i argued what opinions could he add that i mean this is this is bananas all over the place. First of all, it doesn't take two hours to clean the fridge, does it? I've never cleaned a fridge in my whole life. I will die. You can put that on my tombstone.

Never clean the fridge. And I have noticed, by the way, when my cleaning lady comes, she does clean the fridge, and it's delightful. You don't think your fridge gets dirty, but it does. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I can notice a before and after big time. So thank you for that. But also, if I find out that she's spending two hours doing that, I'm either going to – I've got to leave her a bigger tip or I've got to tell her, like, yo, dude, just do it, like, in less time. Just, like, speed up the process.

You don't have to be that thorough. Secondly – no, that might be that might be like fourthly firstly who asks you to babysit their olives secondly who babysits these olives like they are the fucking holy grail it's it's him and jason are fucking definitely yes but what's in the box because what's in the box is it actually olives Yes. But what's in the box? What's in the box? Is it actually olives in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box?

I would guess, huh. Because like, yes, he's for sure fucking. And that was like a special thing. Is this box locked, you think? It's a metal box. It's a metal olive box. Jason's cum's in there. Do you think he

has his cum in there? Yes. That's why it's freaking out. It's losing its cumness. Yeah, the cum is losing all of his cum. The cum is just... That is 100% a sperm box.

Second of all, I have not seen the olives for myself. I haven't opened the box. Cum box, that's why. It's a cum locker. It's a cum locker. It's a cum locker. That... What?

Dead body parts? Severed dick? No. Fingers? Ied dick? No. Fingers? I think it's gum. I've already given my answer. I think it's fucking gum. I mean, it could be sure, but like...

I'm thinking it's evidence in some way. But why would you keep it? Why wouldn't you get rid of it? Maybe he needs it to prove his case. Maybe, uh, what's something you would ask? A bomb? Got to keep the bomb cold? Or drugs?

Do you have to keep drugs refrigerated? Uh, not the ones I do. Not my drugs. Actually, mushrooms I do keep in the fridge. Maybe it's a big box of mushrooms But they can get cold They can get warm I mean they

Okay so There are these people who put Reddit polls in the comments Is it A. Drugs B. Body parts C. Olives 71% says drugs 23% says body parts 6% says olives. 71% says drugs. 23% says body parts. 6% says olives.

What drugs? I don't know, man. I don't know. I mean, I just have never heard of keeping drugs cold. I think we used to keep dabs cold, but that was just so you could vaporize them quicker. I don't even know what a dab is. It's hash oil. It's what? It's hash oil. It's what?

It's the oil that you vaporize it quick. You have to blowtorch. It's like super wheat. I don't know. Bro. Oh, okay. Back to the olives. I thought it was acid.

Back to the olives. The non-olives. Kidney for the black market? Pactin ice? That's got to be in the freezer. But yeah, that can't be. And also, if you've got a kidney on ice for the black market, you don't give that to your buddy to watch for the weekend.

What's in the fucking box? I'll tell you. Can I tell you what the craziest scenario of all is? Olives. Olives. Olives. This is the craziest story I've ever heard in my life. This is the craziest story that has ever been told.

If this man asked this guy that he's clearly fucking to babysit his olives, and this guy's wife left him out on the counter, and he had a fucking meltdown over it. Are we sure she's a woman? Let me check. Let me check. Like, I think he had a fucking meltdown over it are we sure she's a woman uh let me check let me check like like i think i think it's a gay couple and there's a gay guy um my dear husband they never say no i feel like this is a gay couple that could be this seems super gay from the dear husband to the babysitting the olives.

I'm trying to see if there's a babysitting Jason's come. He argued back saying he promised Jason he'd keep his olives in good condition. And I should have just told him that. End of story. What's in the box?

I would How has she not looked. I would so much rather this be dead baby organs than olives. I cannot tell you how much it's distressing me that this might just be olives. I just

opened the fucking box. One of the comments said it's methadone. And look at this. It's like a little lock box filled with methadone jars. And that needs to be kept maybe at a certain temperature. That looks like cum still. I think it's still cum. Now, do you think it's like jars of cum?

Bag of cum? Yes. Or just a box of free cum No no no It's in jars It's not stray cum Yeah We're not animals

You know what I mean I had to scroll Look how far down the bar is See that Pretty damn far Until we get to Celine Is your husband keeping His friend's semen in your fridge

That would be a bad plan on so many levels. So, honestly, this was my idea, but then someone had a smarter idea that it was methadone. No. No, it's cum. We're going with cum. It's cum. Just so the internet knows, the official KFC radio stance on this is cum. Yeah.

It's a cum box. It's Jason a cum box. It's Jason's cum box. And dear husband, he did not store that cum well enough. I mean, what else would you get mad about? Like, what else could... Olives! What else can't get

warm but cum? And also, wait, what? Like, any food in the world like what are you talking about oh come like you wait do you think that cum has to be oh yeah yeah like like because it because at a certain temperature it dies wherever that's why the balls hang out aside but that would mean i think i think come getting too cold is a problem too though I don't think you can put a freezing cold load in there And it does it's job But like

Isn't cum stored in cold in freezers? I don't know Probably Well it's stored in your balls I'm picturing Like at a sperm bank It comes in your balls? We do this like once an episode

At least once a month It comes in your balls When the se this like once an episode. At least once a month we go, wait, what's the, what comes in your balls? The semen? The semen comes out of your dick?

I don't think it comes in your balls. Well, your prostate does something. We legitimately do this once a month. This exact thing. I think your prostate

makes the semen and your balls makes the cum. And then the semen is like the activator. And they combine forces. Yes, like Captain Planet. I'm picturing a sperm bank.

I'm picturing like refrigerators filled with like vials and trays. Right, right, right. So that may be that. So this is just an at-home sperm bank for Jason's cum. And I'll tell you what. If it's olives. If I ever tell you what. If it's olives,

if I ever find out, if I ever find out that the box is filled with olives, I'll go kill all these people. I will buy a gun. I will hunt down Jason, dear husband, and this wife or also other husband,

and I will massacre them. And I will sit there there i will shoot them all and maim them and then while they bleed out i will eat the olives in front of their face and i will say who makes such a big story out of olives i don't even like olives and i'll eat them in your face while you die what's in the box all right voicemails and then interviews and we'll get out of here this is we're putting a fucking... This is our hardest episode ever. 100%. And it's one of our best.

Yeah. This is... Big time players make big time plays when they count. So voicemails today are brought to you by Sennheiser Electronics. Right now, our first 100 listeners who go to sennheiser.com slash podcast and use promo code KFC will get 15% off the Momentum True Wireless 2 earbuds or any of the amazing headphones. Sennheiser makes great earbuds, great headphones,

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Let's go, Nick. KFC, fights, Jackie, Nick, et cetera. Got a question for you. What do you think is the most dangerous holiday for hooking up with a girl below your standards? I think it's got to be Halloween. Halloween party, everyone's drunk and wearing costumes. Oh, I see what you mean. So, a 10, wake up, is a 2, you know.

A lot of variables variables you run the risk of thinking you're all hot because you're partying and people are drunk and they're dressed up and you might wake up in the morning

and be like oh my god you went you know you looked like Harley Quinn last night and now the makeup's off and the costume's off

and you're just gross yeah have you seen that chick on TikTok what are the other options what other holidays are there

I would say I would say another problem it's not Christmas or there? I would say another problem. It's not Christmas or Thanksgiving. No, I would say Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving is a problem because you get fucked up and you hook up with someone from high school. And you just make a bad decision. It's like, oh, you get fucked up with the, what's her name, Magoo?

It's fucking like... Aluminum Monster. Yeah, but it's a girl who was hot in high school. Yeah. And she's just not anymore. Right, and you still see her as that. But it's like, so what? Right.

That wouldn't bother me. No. But, you know, I don't know. What if it's just you get drunk and you hook up with the girl? I think it's the opposite. I think it's like, yeah, she could be hot now, but people will still clown you because she's like, you know, that girl shit her pants in bio. I was like, yeah, fuck, I shouldn't have banged her. Those would be the only two scenarios.

That seemed like a very specific story. Was it not? Nobody shit their pants in bio. Oh, okay. But you fucked a girl who shit her pants in bio. I thought for sure that happened. I would. Yeah, I don't care if someone shits in bio. I thought for sure that happened. I would. Yeah, I don't care if someone shits their

pants. I'll fuck them. What if they shit their pants that night? Well, that's a little tough. What if you were out at the bar, dying, everything's good, she's like, I shit my pants. We gotta go. And then you go home, she cleans herself up and everything and then she's like, I wanna fuck you. Nah, I'm good.

I'd think I'd have to fuck her with a dump in her pants. No, I'm not an animal. Come on. I had a story that goes with this. Fourth of July is the last one because everyone's in bathing suits. Pav said New Year's Eve. You get probably the most blacked out

on New Year's Eve. See, but that's some fucking young people shit. Yeah, it's like, not me, brother. I got to bed at 10 o'clock. Yeah, I could see a scenario on New Year's Eve. See, but that's some fucking young people shit. Yeah, it's like, not me, brother. I got to bed at 10 o'clock. Yeah, I could see a scenario where New Year's Eve, some girl wants to make sure she has a kiss, so she's bothering you and all up on you,

and you become her kiss, and then all of a sudden you go home with her, and it's like, oh, my God. This is a weird question. It's so strange. What holiday is the most dangerous to go home with a chick? Like, what the fuck are you talking about man? What?

Next What's up KFC's Hi to everyone else I just moved into a new neighborhood A couple weeks ago Been meeting all sorts of neighbors And all that good stuff And a guy came up to me last night, introduced himself,

and I noticed that he put his house up on the market. So the first thing I said back to him was, ah, so you're getting ready to sell. And he goes, well, wife left me a couple weeks ago, got off of work, up and gone. Shit was packed. She wasn't there. Found out she was staked away.

So, you know, first time meeting this guy, kind of sitting there appalled that that was what he led with, other than welcome to the neighborhood. But anyway, what's the most preposterous thing that someone has divulged to you the first time meeting them, whether it be deeply personal or just... We did this just last episode. That's Rear Admiral in the Visex. That sticks out in my brain so much because it's the only time that's really ever happened to me.

This man I just met showing me pictures of his dick snip. It's incredible. Absolutely incredible. I don't think I have anything else that even rivals it by the way how nice did that breakup sound like i was thinking i was thinking about this the other day because i've had so much weird shit with exes of like worrying about people going public and posting things. Like I've never once had that like show off that you're living your best life to like prove it to your ex. I'm always like I got to like keep this low

so the person doesn't think I'm too happy because then they'll try to ruin my life. I've never once been like let me win the breakup. I'm like let me lose the breakup so that they don't fucking ruin me. I would absolutely volunteer to lose the breakup so that they don't ruin me i would absolutely volunteer to lose the breakup every single every time i i have i have complete interest in losing the break yes let me lose it like let me you won i'm miserable you're like fine because there's just so much with that now like the i saw a tiktok that was like if she sent you nudes like respect like after the breakup like respect those pictures and if she sent you nudes, like, after the breakup, like, respect those pictures.

And if she let you guys film it, like, protect her. And I'm like, yes, for sure. But also, almost exclusively, any problems I know are the other direction. Where the girl is the one fucking with the guy. So, like, I don't know. I just, I would kill for a breakup like that. Where people are just like, she's gone. Just wake up one morning

like just google hunting yes and it's like even if i was happy like okay well at least there's no like catastrophic uh fallout you're just gone okay cool i just gotta like fix my broken heart that's it great sounds awesome to me uh but yeah as far as the uh just offering up too much too much yeah vasectomy, all right. I mean, it's got to be. I mean, unfortunately, we have the same story because we both met all right the same night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you know what's a crazy breakup story? Have you seen what's going on with Brittany Palmer? Brittany Renner, remember her? Gianna Trump's friend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she openly is like, I trap dudes. I try to fuck ballplayers and athletes and rappers, and I want to get their money. And she was like 27 when PJ Washington, who plays for the Hornets, came into the league.

So he was like 18 or 19 when he came into the league. She was like 27. Now she's like 30, and he's 22. They had a kid. She secretly filed for divorce two weeks after the kid was born and like bam gotcha bitch what owes him owes her seventeen thousand dollars a month till he's 18 what are you talking about yeah child support man the rumor went around the internet that she owes that he owes her two hundred thousand dollars a month and it was two hundred thousand dollars

total so seventeen thousand dollars a month for 18 years'll get you to 200 wait does that make sense no no it's uh two hundred thousand dollars a year for 18 for 18 years um so but like there's these videos of her being like if y'all want to get a check from a man like just fuck a ball player they're stupid and then like um someone like commented like you trapped him and she like not not specifically like other times commented like you're gonna trap these ball players and she would comment with the devil emoji and it's like she just fucking did trap these ballplayers and she would comment with the devil emoji. And it's like she just fucking did that. Jesus. That's fucked up.

Fucked up. So the internet's reaction was like you were almost 30 and you were fucking an 18-year-old. And then like groomed him and like had a baby and then like took his money. And like if the tables were turned, it would be a whole thing. Fucked up. And then she went on the internet and was like the $200,000 a month thing is not true I can't

believe you guys think that I groomed him like you guys believe too much on the internet he had gone on Twitter and tweeted like so you were faking it the whole time just a subtweet didn't matter but he said that so that's when everyone was like oh my god look at like poor PJ Washington got fucked over but then he tweeted later like don't believe everything you read on the internet too.

So like they kind of – and I think they both liked each other's posts. So hopefully that means on some level they're like co-parenting and like on the same page somewhat. But it does seem like there was some like grimy shit going on and like, yeah, that's fucked. Again, with like the gender reversals. It's like if that happened to a chick, it'd be like, what the fuck? Just because it's a ballplayer who's doing well for himself doesn't mean that it's not entirely fucked up to do to someone. And the poor kid, too. I mean, the whole thing is jacked up.

But, yeah, the internet was believing that it was $200,000 a month. And I was like, bro, PJ Washington makes $4 million a year. There's no way it's $200,000 a month. Yeah, I mean, he couldn't afford that. That's what Dr. Dre pays his wife, and he's a billionaire. So, no, I don't think so. All right, one more voicemail. What do we got?

What up, KFC, Fights, the gang? Got a hypothetical here for you. Thought about this a couple times. Think it's kind of interesting. What would be the hardest thing? So let's say you get your consciousness and your memories transplanted back in time into your 16-year-old body. What would be the hardest thing about that? For me, it would be having to wait a couple years for movies and TV and music, things like that. But I kind of want to know what you guys are up to. I mean technology.

You go back to when you're 16 and have an iPhone? Oh, yeah. You're fucked. You go back to like regular. And you know it exists. Yes. Also just like the people you are going to fuck in the future. Yeah.

Hey, just fuck me now. I swear we're going to. I promise in a few years you're going to say yes. That's funny. Yeah. Like, oh, I have not fucked that girl yet, but I can remember it. Yeah. Oh, man.

But honestly, I was talking to my dad about this the other day. Like, commuting doesn't even matter anymore. Commuting used to be the worst thing in the world. I don't even think you kids understand, man. Like, yeah, some guy jumps in front of the train and you're annoyed that it's another half hour before you get home. But you just sit on the train on your phone. When you get home, you sit on your couch on the phone. It's just a different place for you to be on your phone when when i mean the train used to just be like i used to buy a fucking newspaper when i was in

high school did you really buy a newspaper and read like the new york post like the sports section and then sometimes if i didn't have a paper just sat there just sat there so when there was a train train traffic or some sort of problem it was just like I desperately want to get home to watch my regular cable TV

or like yeah oh fuck I'm gonna miss the start of the game I guess you always miss the start of the game but you know if there was like

a time of a show and you're late because of commuting you're like fuck none of that matters yeah how about those DVRs yes

no on demand no DVR none of that if you just missed a those DVRs? Yes. No on-demand, no DVR, none of that shit. If you just missed a show, you just missed it. That's it. You have to go on the TV Guide channel to find out when it comes back on. Bro, we had TiVo. When TiVo first dropped, we got TiVo early. That was like the first rewind and record thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Felt like a fucking king. I was like, I'm a wizard. I can rewind the television. I can rewind the television. I can record the television. Like, fuck yeah. I mean, that shit, the technology would crush you. Imagine, you have to think, when you're taking a shit,

you have to read a shampoo bottle. That's all you got. That's all you got. You're just reading a bunch of words you don't even know what they mean. I'm not porn, dude. Porn, you got to go buy a magazine. You got to go buy a magazine. You got to.

And there's the knowledge of being like, I know. How buy a magazine You got to go buy a magazine You got to And the knowledge of being like I know how much better this is going to be And if you are You do probably have a computer at home Isn't the five limit back on? Wasn't there the five limits on videos? Probably back on Pornhub You get like five free videos

Before like locked up for the day Or You know, just like The like 56k modem yeah you can't even like listen to music how do you listen to music back then how do we do that is that is that mp3s at that point yeah the only thing that would be good is if i got napster back i could go back to napster yeah but even then like you're trying to download fucking videos and it's just like tricks it's just not what you thought you were downloading.

That was the original Rickroll. Oh, you spent 23 hours downloading this, and it's not what you wanted. Miss Pat, first up here on KFC Radio, this interview is brought to you by SummerSlam. It's WWE's biggest event of 2021. It's headlined by megastar John Cena versus the WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns. It's live from Allegiant Stadium in Vegas on Saturday, August 21st. Barstool is all over the case. Full coverage, wall-to-wall interviews and access over the next two weeks. So stay tuned.

We're going to have people on the podcast. We're going to have people on Friday Night Pints. We're going to get out there live in Vegas to cover the event ourselves. So if you're going to be in Vegas, you can come see us and come see SummerSlam. Book your flights and buy tickets to SummerSlam over at Ticketmaster.com. And if you're going to be at home and you want to watch it on TV, SummerSlam will stream live Saturday,

August 21st at 8pm on Peacock. Get your SummerSlam coverage here at Barstool. Miss Pat, let's talk to her. Good to go, Jackie. Alright, Miss Pat's here. You look beautiful, Miss Pat. Thank you.

You look great. I'm still older. I think I'm two years older since the last time. What do you do with that pussy on top of your lip? You don't like it? Yeah, that's what your daddy used to please your mama with. Why are you growing that thing on your lip like that? What do you mean?

It's nice. You don't like it? Yeah, if you're going downstairs. That's a click. I love going downstairs. I'll just get out of the way here. That's a click scratcher. What color do you think his hair is?

Where? On his click? No. What color is the hair on his head? Reddish? Blondish? Blondish? No, reddish. You said red first. Yeah, but I wear a weave, so sometimes we copy that color.

Nice color. Thank you very much. Thank y'all for having me back. Oh, absolutely. Last time you came here, it was an absolute scene, so we had to have you back. I feel like you are, some of the names of the other shows you've been doing are, I mean, monster names, so we're very honored to even be on the list for you to come through and do press.

Oh, shit. You're talking to the top dogs these days. Everybody's the fucking top dog, okay? We're all in the same category. Some people's shoes just cost more. I like that. I really feel, though, that you were one of the people who other comics love. I feel like that's the biggest honor in your industry.

If other comedians who do this shit for a living think that you're funny, that's how you know you're really one of the funniest. Well, that is true because there's respect. And I tell you, I don't think a lot of motherfuckers is funny. Who do you think is funny? I mean, it's a lot of funny comics out there i just it's just sometimes the new comics that come come along and there's no rules to this game but if you try to give them advice they look at you sideways and shit so to me sometimes i hate to see a comic who's who's there for the money and not for the love of the art because i truly believe with this shit if you just if you work at making it great the money is gonna come this is if you're not for you're not for real about it you shouldn't be in it right like i love doing stand-up i don't

give a fuck if you offer me 50 you know if i'm in area, I would go and do a guest spot. I'm not like that. But there was a time where you were doing it for money, no? No. I had a fucking husband with health care. I was just trying to get a decent little job that paid me whatever the fuck. But I fell in love with it. You know, it's an art. It really is.

It's a talent. So when you realize there's a talent and you tap into who you really are, it should never be about the money. When did you realize that about yourself? Was there like a certain day or set? I was about 10, 12 years in. Oh, I thought you were saying 10 or 12 years old. 10 or 12 years into your career is when you knew? 10 or 12 years into my career.

And I was having kids at 10 and 12 years old. Well, 12 and 13 years old. But about 10 years of my career, I started to realize I was a storyteller. And so, you know, what it was like to write a joke in the beginning, the middle, and the end. So I really started to study this shit. And you've got fucking stories to tell.

I do have fucking stories to tell. Did it take you a whole decade to realize you're hilarious. No, you start doing stuff that you see what other people do, and then you start, I think what makes the greats unique when they tap into their selves. Everybody don't tap into their selves. You can see one comic, have you ever seen a comic do jokes? You're like, I can do his fucking jokes,

and he's a fucking Uber driver. Don't even tell no fucking jokes He can deliver those same jokes just as good But I think When it's so personal to somebody And they're good with it You can't be really copied Right

Nobody can do your Nobody else besides Miss Pat Can do Miss Pat You're truly one of a kind When it comes to this shit And that's what That's what you try to set out to be In this shit

Yeah cause you can copy jokes You can copy you know styles Yeah but you can't Nobody can take your stories Nobody can take your personality Yeah me Just because I'm a fat black girl I don't

I don't blend in with everybody Who eat Popeyes That's a good way to put it I'm glad I said it and not you That's one of those where I'm like okay Can I laugh at that? Am I allowed? Is that funny?

I'm gonna let you know You know what I love so much about you Is like everybody is walking on eggshells these days Every day even more so It's just getting more and more tense And more and more awkward. Oh, you got to see my show.

We're not walking on a fucking egg show. That's what I fucking, I mean, you just come in, in your act, in your show. And just like in your like personal life, your style,

it's just like, fuck all that. Say what you think, tell, you know, say what you mean, ask the question, whatever it is,

who fucking cares? Who wants to come see water down comic? Nobody. Don't nobody want to see that shit. I mean i understand i'm 49 years old there's words we can't use that that describe people anymore i won't use those words but you're not gonna fucking muffle me like i got off the plane today yesterday here and i pulled out my mask because i can't do the the paper mask they fuck up my sinuses and so i'm trying to fucking breathe because i'm fat and i'm walking up a fucking ramp and this white dude turn around can i curse i'm sorry you can

fucking say whatever the fuck you want okay so i'm walking up this ramp and this white dude turn put your mask on i said kiss my ass upside down white boy right there in front i said kiss my ass you picked the right black bitch to date some bitch fuck boy i was cussing them out who the fuck are you to tell me what i can't say i'm free bitch you know i you are the last person i would ever tell what to do or what to wear or what to say yeah i'm like you fucking with me i'm trying to breathe motherfucker ain't your age i just got this fucking hot ass plane sitting next to old crazy ass white man the whole goddamn flight who wouldn't be still. I'm like what the fuck did you

smoke before you got on this goddamn plane? You just moving this shit and you know I like to fly with no bra on. He kept stepping on my fucking titties and I couldn't go to sleep. Couldn't go to fucking sleep. I'm like be the fuck still. I'm ready to get to my hotel. It's about one o'clock in the morning.

But you know, as comedy, I mean, and I do push the envelope. I talk about everything. I think with me, I talk about what I've been through, what I know. Yes, because you push the envelope in a lot of ways. But when you're pushing the envelope about your own story, nobody can tell you. You can't say that. It's my fucking story. It happened to me yes i tell

a story about being molested i'm like don't owe me bitch this is my story it happened to me yeah it happened to me i talk about how we had to get my uncle my special need uncle my granada bought him pussy every saturday so he could stop having so many seizures because he thought if he bust a nut he would stop my uncle for having seizures that shit don't work y'all i was gonna say i see where he was going but i don't think that's how the doctors do it but he's a doctor but i tell this story and people oh i'm like it's a fucking funny ass story yeah it happened to me you're not gonna make me not tell my fucking story plus i truly believe that you how you know especially people don't want to have sex we're human beings right if you got them wanting to have sex he wouldn't put that thing down yeah could you imagine if a

doctor was like okay yeah listen just like fuck once a week and you'll be good yeah go ahead afternoons just fuck yeah the seizures will stop right away that's a that's a great family member by the way you got an uncle a brother a friend whoever will buy you will buy you some pussy every week my granddaddy bought it all the time for my uncle. That's a hell of a grandpa. Yeah. I guess my granddaddy said his son gonna get some pussy. And he would get

the prostitute, be a big old, any prostitute, a big old lot of hair on their pussy. And I remember, because we was kids, we had to help him because he was crippled. We had to put him in a bed. You helped him with the prostitute? I put him in a bed. You helped him with the prostitute? I put him in a bed and we pulled his legs apart and let him go at it.

He was like a wind-up toy. Oh my God, Ms. Pat. Oh my God, my uncle's in there busting nuts left and right. I'm surprised the Holy said, I'm going to need some more money. He won't stop going. He's getting his money's worth every Saturday.

And he knew when it was pussy time because he'd just be smiling. Are there stories you don't tell? Are there stories that you're like, oh, that one's too much? Are there stories you don't tell because, like, if you have a personal story you don't want out there, that you're like Oh that one's too much Or are there stories you don't tell Because Like if you have a personal story You don't want out there That's one thing Is there a story you want to tell That you wouldn't

Because this is too much For like the public to handle No I worked On the sitcom We had a story About my mama's boyfriend Who violated me

And we was going to do it In an episode But when I got to writing it I was like I'm not ready Yeah And so we pulled it Because of you though right You weren't was gonna do it in an episode but i but when i got the writing it i was like oh i'm not ready yeah so we pulled it for you because of you though right you weren't ready to do it yeah yeah i told the network was down for it i don't know if you guys watched the episode but the network was down for it and i was like i'm not ready to tell that you know if we get a second season

knock on wood when we get a second season then i fucking you know i'll probably be stronger great sign that the network is down to let you do that. I know. Are they just giving you a blank slate, like, go ahead, go do it? No, they have opinions that helps out a lot. They ain't just saying, hey, go on off the bridge and kill yourself and end our network career. They don't send that kind of shit.

But they allow me to be me, And that's what I appreciate about BET+. Because, you know, Hulu shot the pilot to this thing. And if you saw the first episode, they shot the pilot. And BET picked it up and shot the other nine pilot. I mean, shot the other nine episodes. But I'm thankful that we found a home and somebody who understands me. Because I'm not an easy person to understand. If you first meet me, you're going to think I'm fucking crazy.

You're like, who abused this bitch? But I'm the nicest person in the world. I fight your ass. Yeah, well, you are a little crazy, but you're nice. You can be nice and crazy. No, you're crazy when you get a chick. I'm mean. I don't get no chick.

I want a chick. With all these fucking pandemic chicks out here, are they giving one for crazy people like me? Since you want to call me crazy, you know some shit I don't know. The cast of the show, they all seem like fantastic, too. Did you have a hand in writing it, in casting it? You were in control of all of this? Yeah, me and the co-creator was in control of

all of that we cast and it was so crazy because he had two of the actors and actors in his head the daddy and the sister he told me from the day we hooked up this is your husband and then he's like this is your sister and i'm like boy shut the hell up and he was right it we i mean it's when people see it it was like y'all really like a real fucking family. Yeah, well, it almost does feel like it was watching your real family. You know what I mean? It doesn't seem like acting. You guys seem like tight-knit. Well, I'm glad because that's what we was trying to portray.

A whole bunch of black love in an all-white neighborhood. Yeah, I mean, that has got to be. I mean, how much of that, like where do you live now? I still live in Plainfield, Indiana Yeah That show is about 95 to 98 percent real Really

Those episodes came Straight out my Motherfucking kitchen Yeah cause it's one of those Things that almost seems like You couldn't even write Some of this shit You know

No It has to be real life Yep That and most of it Was my first album Of my comedy And we just turned it Into episodes

So I mean Those all life experiences That came out of it was my first album of my comedy, and we just turned it into episodes. So, I mean, those are all life experiences that came out of my house. I feel like you, I mean, so many comics need to have, like, some sort of, I feel like people are like, you need to come from the trauma or go through something, blah, blah, blah. But you do, like, but it does seem like you have gone through, like, interesting shit like can be very funny can be very intriguing i think life i mean life is what life give you conversation the things that you go through in life it also make you grow also so like for instance when i see a young comic on stage with nothing to talk about like hey let me give you some advice go rob a bank yeah go stick up the interest yeah go stick up a liquor store because if i hear one more my mother do my life who gives a fuck that your mom is dumb is enough to do your 30 year old ass laundry i need to go over there snap shit out your mama fuck she doing

your laundry for and packing you sack lunches to go do off at Mike. What the fuck is wrong with your mama, old dumb woman? Go rob a liquor store. That's true. I tell them, can you go do something interesting so you can have something to talk about? Nobody gives a fuck about your dating life. Well, I can't get laid. You wonder why, you musty fuck.

Your shoes, your tennis shoes dirty. Who want to fuck somebody With some dirty shoes Nobody black I know I feel like you are making fun of me specifically When you see a guy When you see like Just corny white boys like us What do you think

I didn't say you were fucking corny. I'm saying it. We're self-aware. We know that we're just corny white boys. You do stand-up? No, we do live podcasts. We don't do stand-up routines, but we do this kind of shit where we just, you know.

Well, I don't say shit to you. You don't say shit to me, you know? I mean, if you're trying to dance, I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. If you're trying to fucking dance. But if you're trying to dance, I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. If you're trying to fucking dance. But if you're just doing, you know, you, I mean, it ain't like I'm going to fuck y'all. Now I'm offended. You won't fuck me?

What if I take you out and whine you and don you? I'm not trying to get no call. I mean, I'm legal. I mean, what am I fucking you for? I don't need no health care. You won't benefit me. You think I go,? I don't need no health care. You don't benefit me. You think I go, because I don't need no country club membership. I got a pool membership.

It's not a whole country club. I can't get you into golf or tennis, but I can get you into the pool. Well, I got my own goddamn pool. Yeah, I bet you do. Why don't you go out with me for fun and for your own pleasure? No pleasure? What am I going to do with you? You're 20-something years old.

How old do you think I am, Miss Pat? 25. Bless your heart. How old are you? I'm 36. Well, you're 36. I don't need you putting them three inches on me. How big would my dick have to be for you to want to have sex with me, Miss Pat?

Not big at all because I'm not looking at your little uncooked chicken leg. You keep that shit under yourself. I don't want none of that white dickness. Have you fucked white guys? Hell no! Never. Never once. I jacked a dick for a wrestling ticket.

You wait, what? I jacked a white dick to get me a wrestling ticket. To like a WWE event? No, to a NWA. Back when the first rafting man i'm 50 years old when that shit first came i remember nwa yeah yeah and you and you jerked some dude off to get a ticket to go see it live yeah he gave me 200 that's some pretty you know jerk somebody off that was 1980 yeah that's good money back then i feel like shit handjob's going for at least yeah handjob's gotta be at least 500 now you know i don't know what they're going for but if i'm gonna put my

hand on your white dick it's gonna be something more than 20 a little scary ass pail is there any white guy you would who's a white guy you would fuck is there like an actor or a singer or somebody who you do sir i'm old i hot flashes. I wouldn't even fuck my own husband right about now, okay? I don't want no dick. I need a career. I've been getting dicks since elementary school. Dick ain't never two, three seconds in and out of there. I don't need that shit.

Hell, I can borrow a cold dick from my daughter. She got them dicks on ice. I don't even know what that means. What does cold dicks on ice I don't even know what that means What does cold dicks on ice mean? Dildo She got it on ice Yeah Her dicks ain't got no heat to it

Y'all slow Y'all don't be playing with dildos Y'all look like y'all play with dildos Y'all look like y'all stick them to the table And take turns licking them What? We're giving off d take turns licking them What? We're giving off dildo licking vibes?

We gotta rethink our whole fucking thing, man We gotta rethink our whole shit You look like you stick them to the table and lick them? Fuck! That's the last reputation I wanna have See, so this is What did I say two minutes ago? I said, when you see a couple guys like us, what do you think, Sean? I don't think shit about you.

Two minutes later, you guys look like you stick dildos to the table and lick them. Fuck you, Ms. Pat. You lying ass bitch. That's what I think when I see you. You look like you lick dildo. Dildo. That's the most demeaning thing anyone's ever said about me. Have I ever licked a dildo?

No, touch one. Well, yeah. Of course I've touched them, yeah. When I'm using them with him. I don't tell them my mouth. Not with my tongue. You never kiss them? My daughter said the silicone ones are the best because they're soft like the real thing.

And you stick it in the microwave for about a half a second to heat them up. Really? Yeah, they'll burn your bottom lip. Wait, why did you say soft like the real thing? They'll burn your bottom lip. Wait, why did you say soft like the real thing? They'll burn your bottom lip. You mean soft like the real thing? Dicks aren't supposed to be soft. You look like your dick's soft.

You know what we got here, Mr. Pat? I don't think we have any on hand, but one of our sponsors is this thing, a little wipe that you open up, you rub it on your dick, and it numbs your dick up so you can last longer. What do you think of that? So it won't be a two or three second thing. I don't give a fuck. I don't got no dick.

But for the guys you're fucking. I'm married. I mean, when you were fucking. You know what I mean? I'm married. I'm still fucking. Your husband's fucking. You can put it on and last longer.

I feel like that's a big deal. Give me something to wipe. Exactly. I got a freaking friend with me. She'll give me something to wipe. Go give me something to wipe, little white girl. Don't keep all the wipes for your damn self. Share your white privilege.

Give me some dick wipes. What do your dick wipes say? Y'all use them all on the dildos. dick wipes what your dick wipes say yeah yeah we'll send you out of here with a good with a make sure that dildo lasts longer uh what it's been obviously a crazy past like 18 months now um and some of it's been like you know deathly serious and hard to like navigate and have certain conversations and comedy and all that. Did you did you like feel that or you just like, fuck it. I just tell my jokes. I do my comedy.

I can have. Yeah. I mean, I'm not worried about no cancellation policy. I mean, I mean, everything I tell is for me. So I'm not out here, you know, screaming the shit the baby did. I don't even know what the fuck the baby did. The baby. I hope I got the right rapper because I heard it's know screaming The shit the baby did I don't even know What the fuck the baby did The baby It's so many I hope I got the right rapper

Cause I heard it's a little baby And the baby And I think the baby Got canceled Yeah the baby got canceled Yeah so I'm not And they tried to apologize And fucked it up even worse

Yeah even worse I mean I'm trying I don't do anything That I need to apologize for I think because Everything I try to do Is reference to me Something that I've been through

You know if I use a term, I'm talking about myself. I don't think there's anybody alive who would even have the balls to try to cancel this. He was trying to. I don't think you could be, but I don't even think these, you know, it's always these journalists who want to take you down. I don't think they would even dare. Well, I tell them, kiss my ass upside down. Yeah. I mean, hey, I'm 49 years old. I'm grown. Why can Yeah I mean Hey I'm 49 years old

I'm grown Why can't I say If I'm not out here Killing and hurting nobody Why can't I say What the fuck I want to say I'm not going to use No wrong term

You know You know the words To get your cast I leave them fucking words alone Yeah them words Inside the house You don't go looking for trouble You know

You don't have to do Well they be coming to me online Like I drop the clip of my show I need people talking shit Just talking bullshit So I tell them Get the fuck off my page bitch And I don't mind Maybe he's coming to me online. Like, I dropped a clip of my show. I need people talking shit. Just talking bullshit. So I tell them, get the fuck off my page, bitch. Don't watch it then.

What are they trying to say? It's bringing the black community down. I said, so did your daddy when he left. I'm black. I can say that. I don't give a fuck. That was another one where I'm like, I don't know. I can laugh. It's a kill shot, but I'm not going to laugh.

I'm going to laugh. Leave me the fuck alone. They be fucking with me. I got blocked on Facebook for 30 days because Netflix dropped a clip of me. And the clip was talking about my grandbaby, how I cussed out my grandbaby. And my grandbaby, the clip was, she said, my mama said, you get on her motherfucking nerd. That's what my grandbaby said to me, honestly. I said, and your mama get on my motherfucking nerd.

And that's why my son ain't going to marry your mama. You ugly and your two brothers ugly, too. And so there's a, oh, my God, how can she say that? And so I told her later, I said, what kind of grandmama are you? I said, you mad because a squirrel wouldn't fuck you, man. And Facebook blocked me for 30 days. Really? Really?

Yeah. But a squirrel wouldn't fuck her because squirrels don't fuck people. So where was I lying at? So I'm fighting with Facebook. I'm like, I didn't do anything wrong. All I said was squirrels wouldn't fuck her. They don't fuck people. That's a fact.

So Facebook is a pro-beastiality company? Yeah, I guess. Because I got blocked For 30 days Like what is wrong with you That's crazy That is fucking crazy to me A squirrel wouldn't fuck you Yeah

But they come at you And then they expect you Not to respond I mean I'm not gonna Respond late at night When I'm on pills and shit But I'm gonna respond The right way

Kiss my ass My response Kiss my ass Up My response is kiss my ass. Upside down and backwards, unwashed. Who you going to tell I told you kiss my ass, unwashed? Why are you having flashbacks? You kiss asses unwashed? I'm picturing it right now, and it's

not a scene I want. You picture my ass and the ass you kiss unwashed. I kiss washed, unwashed. I'll kiss them all. I'm picturing it right now and it's not a scene I want. I just washed, unwashed. I'll kiss them all. I'm done. You look like it with that KFC beard. You look like it. Is that why your teeth whiter than hell? Because you eating chlamydia? You kill me, Miss Pat.

You were filming this during the pandemic, right? I sure did. I filmed it during the pandemic. I love that, too. Like, just fucking let's get it done. Let's keep going. Like, you got a chance. You got an opportunity.

Let's make it happen. It was kind of hard because you had to get tested every three days. And, you know, you had to wear all of that equipment and stuff. But it was well worth it. The final product, I think me and the co-creator is really happy with it. Are you ready, like you said, knock on wood, when you get season two, plenty more stories to tell, plenty more scenarios and all that? You know what's crazy?

I don't even have a deal for season two yet, but I always try to work ahead. So me and the co-creator, we have already started. We have about four episodes ready to go. Really? Mm-hmm. Are they still all personal stories? Oh, yeah. Are you ever going to run out?

Is there ever going to come a time you're like, we got to make some shit up because I told all my stories? No, it's not about stories. It's everyday life. Yeah. I mean, I ain't going to run out until God turns my light bulbs off. Right. So it's just everyday life

I think that's what you're so good at Is just like taking everyday life shit And making it funny Cause then you never run out of material Every single day is a new source of material I think that's why like TV is so boring Because writers I don't get on the public books

But I pay attention to people If you would pay attention to people They would write you an episode And so many other people can relate Like I go to my but I pay attention to people. If you will pay attention to people, they will write you an episode. Yep. And so many other people can relate. Like, I go to the girl who come in and do my hair. I go to her beauty salon, and I'm standing there inside one day and a crackhead knock on the door.

And beating on the window, and I lock the door. She wants to get the gun. I said, oh, don't get the gun. I'm going to go out here and whoop the crackhead ass. So I went out there and hit the crackhead. And he's like, I'm crazy. I said, well, I'm crazy i said well i'm crazy

too bitch and he thought i was crazy and he walked off and left so you can't get that shit in beverly hill so i like sitting around you just listen to real people situations right at a restaurant just pay attention your episode will write itself if you want to be honest yep are you still going to be doing stand-up and whatnot are you focusing on this totally no i'm gonna do stand-up because stand-up is what i can control right you know who knows she i might you might release your podcast and they don't like what i said and be like oh that's it but one thing they can't take from me is what i can control which is the stage amen girl you do it better than anybody else out there. Yeah. So, I mean, I just say, hey, if you want me, I'm here. If you don't, I know what they do want me.

Stand up, want me. I sell a few tickets, so I'm going to be okay. I think, yeah, I was going to say, I think you'll be all right. But I also think that this is something that, like, I could see this show being a hit because I don't think anybody else can do it the way you can do it. You know what I mean? Like, who else out there could really put out this show for white people, for black people, for all people? Like, I don't think anybody can tell

it the way you do it it's so crazy because my fan base is so white and they so pumped to come over to BET and I was like come on over here

white people you hear me white people bring your ass over to BET Plus and mayonnaise that bitch up let's go cause we got the hot sauce

we just need y'all to bring the mayonnaise I love it everybody go watch it's on BET Plus bring them pimento cheese sandwiches on god damn it We got the hot sauce. We just need y'all to bring the mayonnaise. I love it. Everybody go watch. Bring them pimento cheese sandwiches on, god damn it. Chill at the house with chips and pimento cheese and mayonnaise dip. Bring your ass on, white people.

And ranch on your fucking pizza. You be like, you really going to eat that bullshit? Act like somebody nutted on a cup. Okay. What did you just say? You eat unclean ass. You over there coughing? Really, sir?

And you told me earlier, you lick automatic dildos. Why you don't tell me? What's your race? What's your race? My race? You pink. God damn. You're My race? You pink. God damn. You're white, you're pink. You the same color that tailor on your shirt.

What is your nationality? Crayola. He's not white. You white. You fucking pink. Do you see this shit? Why are you pink? You need to go to the doctor.

Are you E.T.? You didn't know that your cold stone was pink? Oh, no, I'm making fun of him all month. He got a sunburn just over the month and he never went away. You got rosacea? I got rosacea. I'm just Irish. Oh, is that what it is?

Y'all turn pink? This is what happens to white people when they go in the sun. Yeah. I was in the sun yesterday and this is what happens to white people when they go in the sun. Yeah. I was in the sun yesterday, and this is what happens. Oh, God. Is your wiener pink? Is my wiener pink? Yeah, it's pretty pink, to be honest.

It's not quite like a Red Rocket for a dog, but it's got a pinkish hue to it, for sure. White guys' dicks are sometimes like Neapolitan ice cream. You get the vanilla, the chocolate, and the strawberry. ain't no chocolate to no white man dick now come on don't you neopolean me with that bullshit don't me try to get don't me try to throw the black dick on you what a black dick dick at the very top up under the nuts white man dick like neopolean what a black man dick just chocolate ice cream white man dick is likeopolean. What a black man dick, just chocolate ice cream. White man dick is like, sure, but just vanilla and pink and orange. You're right.

You're right. Where you going to get the chocolate from? The shit staying in your drawer. They over here trying to trick me. You see this shit? You got black dick at the tip. Please. It's the middle. Yeah, it tell me you got black dick at the tip. Please. It's the middle. It's where we get the dark.

Yeah. It's a whole thing. That's when you tie in the dam with a rubber band to turn it black. All right. We're going to go next door and have you answer some questions for a video. Okay. But BET Plus is where you can catch out the Miss Pat Show. August 12th, tomorrow!

Let's go. Everybody go watch it. Make sure we get season two out there. Bitch got kids to feed. I need y'all to watch these white people. Come on over there

and we gonna pray together. This is not a black show. It's an American show. I live in an all white neighborhood where they bring you cakes and shit. And they have their guns on their hip.

But I love my neighbors. Did you say amen? Miss Pat calling you pink. Miss Pat calling you pink is so funny, not because she called you pink, but because it sounded like a genuine question, like, what race

are you? Like, what species are you? Your face is super pink. My face is pink? Yeah, Your hands, your arms definitely. Have you seen Suicide Squad yet? No. Okay. There's a creature in that named Weasel that he's not pink at all.

I don't know why I'm thinking of this, but I think when you're a drunk mess, you're going to be the Weasel from Suicide Squad. That's what I think, by the way. He's not pink, but I could see Miss Pat looking at you like what the fuck are you he's Weasel and when you watch Suicide Squad later

you're going to be super offended by that just so you know just so you know but yeah she was so genuinely like are you white or are you pink

and imagine just not meeting us for the first time but we don't know each other a lot while I'm being like you motherfuckers look like you lick dildos go uh be on the lookout for miss pat's answer the internet which will be coming out in the coming weeks she has so much fun when she does that she makes she gives out answers that don't make sense and she knows it at one point she started laughing to herself she goes what the fuck am i doing just spitting out

shit that's just like off the fucking walls, which is exactly what Annie Letterman did with us for this second interview year. Just completely just, you know, she is like, uh, if a person from always sunny was real.

Yeah. You know, she's like a Philly always sunny girl, but she's a real human in the real world. It's wild. So Annie Letterman on case radios brought to you by Miller light, the perfect time to open up an ice-cold beer

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It's Annie Letterman on KFC Radio. Guys, this is why I stopped. This took you like 20 minutes. It was name, signature, date. It took you like a solid five minutes. My mom would still follow up for me. I'd be so happy with that. No, I am not.

Like, I can't smoke weed. I'm not currently smoking weed, and, like, this is why. Yeah. I have early onset Alzheimer's. Yeah, I feel like you're sober and everything now because you're getting too stupid, right? I can barely read to begin with. Like, why add more things? When have you run for your life?

Oh, I just told half that story on the Girls Pockets. Just in, like, Jersey City. I mean, there's been a lot of childhood trauma that got me to girls pockets. Just in like Jersey city. I mean, I just, there's been a lot of childhood trauma that got me to this beautiful place that I'm at now. Yeah. I feel like you are the poster child for like, if you want to be a comic, you have to go through some trauma.

Yeah. Like if you want to disprove that, like, no, no, I've had a great upbringing. I'm just funny. And then there's like,

Oh no, I've been through some shit. Yeah. Well, you don't have to be, but it doesn't. Right. Your book is cooler. It's a longer book. Someone's going to have to write through some shit. Well, you don't have to be, but it doesn't matter. Your book is cooler.

It's a longer book. Someone's going to have to write it for me because I don't know how to spell, but it's fine. It is true, though. It's like, I mean, you know, we're boring. Like, you know, if you're happy and – But something else is fucked up. I'm very happy, but it's like we all have fucked up shit. It's like it's somewhere.

Why are you happy? Yeah, what's up with that? I just am. What's fucking happiness? Well, you're rich now. You're good. I mean, I'm not rich, but I'm rich. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I'm fucking rich. I just feel like I can have anything I want. I can get anything I want. I'm just realizing the control I have to manipulate my- Okay, Cersei. Jesus Christ. Yes.

No, I do feel like a sorcerer. Yeah. No, I feel like you're probably rich, though, right? I'm making money. I'm consistently making money, which I went from living in my car. Yeah, you've been down to the bottom of the barrel, right? And then back. It's so awkward when you go back.

It's like, oh. I swear. Move over at the curb here. I see you, fellas. I had a friend whose couch I would always sleep on to the point where he was like, I'm going to give you the couch. And I was like, but what if I lose the apartment? But I was able to get rid of the couch and get a new one. It was free from Whitney, but I still –

What was the – I feel like your name has been around for – I feel like now you really popped kind of. You're established. But I feel like your name has been around for a while but was there like times where you thought you were like all right i'm set i'm good now and then every yeah you know everything you get you're like okay this is it but like i think when i first got um chelsea lately uh-huh that was like yeah that you were like consistent on that right yeah and then but you they always weren't sure they were gonna have you back so you're always like yeah you're always like oh um that's gotta be the most uncomfortable and then i didn't

get ass back like like i don't know how much you chelsea but it was like no but you know what's so funny like how crazy is it that she just had me on like who was i i was like a three-year comic that was like blonde and younger than her and you know and like it was just like why was she helped she just helped me out of nowhere right she didn't know me or anything I feel like most chicks do not do that no people in general but I mean there were times where I was like well why did she not and they're like you could have had your hair parted the wrong way like who knows

yeah yeah yeah it's just you know I don't know but but I think I can't say really anything bad about I mean it's like insane she had me on there right right but it was scary it was really scary to do the show like don't look at her but look at her i'm like what do you mean that's so tough because i mean to be funny you gotta like bust balls and talk shit but she was by the time i was there i think she was over the show like she would never take that was what was funny though she would never retake stuff she would flub things she got my name wrong a million

times yeah yeah yeah i mean that's kind of what we do around here yeah it's better like when like we've done live shows and then we've done pre-recorded and sometimes people like oh i want it live like bro it's the same fucking i like your no cuomo joke that's funny yeah no good i mean i'm not perverted i'm just italian is so funny the funniest thing i think i've ever heard and i'm not inaccurate well there's there's something to it italians are all fucking perverted it's like remember like all to it. Italians are all fucking perverts. It's like, remember, like, all bugs are insects, but not all insects. Or, no, wait, all insects are...

No, all bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs. It's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, it kind of works. Now, I am shocked to see you guys in person. You're so much more gingery than I thought. Yeah! Get out of the bench!

Fuck yeah! I didn't even pay her to say that You guys were saying I had Listen I had You said that you guys Had these like happy upbringings

We know what happened To your kind Ginger's have it Rough Okay I love gingers Because they've been Through some shit

You guys aren't as angry You don't have like that Santino deep down rage By the way What is this you guys shit? It's just him. You're ginger as fuck. I am not ginger, you dumb bitch.

I'm blonder than you are. I don't even know what we're talking about. He's been pushing this blonde thing for a month. But blondes are so much gingery than gingers. Blondes are just like the ultimate gin. Yeah, that's really true. You barely have eyebrows, brother. You are a fucking gin.

No way. This guy usually, during the summers, he will legit not have eyebrows and it looks like he has alopecia and it's hilarious. This is like you keeping someone that's a little gingery, more ginger next to you and be like, look how un-ginger I am.

So the first, I guess it was like the first weekend of this month, like 4th of July, he came back pinker than he is now and his hair was as red as a fucking orange. And he was like, I'm so tan and blonde. And everyone was like, what? It's a little skewed. You are colorblind. We're so sorry.

You're not going to be able to be in the Air Force, sir. Wow. But can I give you, your skin is just glowing. I'll take that. Sure. How young are you? I am. Wait, what do you think?

How old is he? You've got to be in your 20s with that skin. No, you're in your 30s? Yeah. Wow. I was like, wow, 32? I thought you said 42 for a second. I was about to literally stab myself in the neck.

Give myself a tracheotomy hole, which, by myself in the neck give myself a tracheotomy hole which by the way I signed someone's tracheotomy hole the other day things are really happening wow you are living the dream

I have manifested an audience with different things happening and it's really fun sign the tracheotomy like the tube he came up and he was like sign it and I was like okay

and he was great he was awesome so I put an arrow and I said insert here his was like so wait you signed like his skin around it or the thing yeah he said well I circled it and then and I signed it but I have a video of it I gotta

post but I'm like so excited about it what a fucking freak show the Annie Letterman fan base must be a bunch of fucking freaks I just like well everyone's a fucking freak that's what I like about it everyone's a freak you find the real freaks. But no, the real freaks are not the real freaks. The real freaks are the people that you can't see their shit.

That is true. Because think about how cool you are. If someone's always, like, imagine your hand is weird, right? Every time you shake someone's hand, someone has a thing. You just have always had this hand. So think of how good you are at life if you've gone through that so many times i always think about that because it's like it's the other people i always say the best audience members are people with physical disabilities and the worst audience members are the people

sitting next to them you know they're like are they okay it's like shut the fuck up they're fine they had two fingers this whole time that's why i do the show I keep the fucking weirdo ginger with me. I had a buddy, not a buddy, it was a friend of a friend, and he blew off two of his fingers with a firework. Oh, my God. And he passed out from the pain. It's almost a dream. That's almost like it's like. But he passed out from the pain,

and then they took a skin graft from his thigh. Oh, this is the best. And so he woke up, and his hands were tied down so he couldn't scratch and stuff. And he woke up, and he was like, like his hands were like tied down so he couldn't like scratch and stuff. And he woke up, and he was like, he was like, Dad, why is my like dick hurt?

Yeah. And his dad told him he blew off his dick. And he let him think it for two days. So he'd feel better about his fingers? Or because he's just a fucking sociopath. That is really rough. Letting your son think that he didn't have a dick for two days,

that's a life ruiner. You guys, I'm so happy to be looking at your real faces. This is such a moment. Yeah. I always see you guys. I like your profiles. You guys are great. Yeah, what do you think?

I do often think about how many people, especially early Barstool, it was like Zoom, before Zoom. We were doing all webcam shit. And it's like, yeah, nobody saw my legs. Nobody saw anything other than like Yeah Nobody saw my legs Nobody saw anything Other than like this But it's so Your ginger legs But

It's so Nobody really saw them Because of all the freckles But No with masks Like I was sitting next to this guy With a mask And I like just assumed

I knew his face And then he took it I remember going like Oh that is like a different Shaped nose than I thought Holy shit You just see people's faces It's like holy fuck

Were you running around In a mask mask pretending to be Scar Jo? No I didn't she lost the suit right? didn't she lose the battle? Yeah I think she got fired so I am not Scar Jo Hanson I do not align with her and if you do need a replacement I am available! I think

she should have fucking won that shit I don't know what it was about so her look at one minute man's thinking right now. Yeah I got you bro. Look at him. Her contract was a percentage of box office

at the theaters. From Black Widow? Yes. And then they just released it on Disney Plus as well. It's actually African American Widow.

Months earlier though she was like we're hearing rumors that you're going to drop this on Disney Plus which is like drastically going to cut into my box office.

And they were like no no no it's okay we're not. And then they just did it because they were like you're dead to drop this on Disney+, which is like drastically going to cut into my box office. And they were like, no, no, no. It's okay. We're not. And then they just did it because they were like, you're dead, bitch. Black Widow is gone. We don't give a fuck about you. Well, I didn't see it. Spoiler.

She died in the movie war. No, she died. Oh, I don't fucking know. You dummy. You haven't seen anything. You don't fucking care. No, I watch them. I have no clue what's happening.

I'm like, what are the guys? They're flying. Yeah, you've got to be the worst to watch a movie with or a TV to talk you know who i'm gonna do that so wait wait who did that is that the is that the boyfriend i just said that i make jokes like i'm literally like i'm just in there like campbell town or whatever you know you seen that um but i went to the movies i can't remember it was maybe it was that actual movie yeah i think it was that one where she died. I think I saw it with Big Jay, Sal, Ari. I was sitting next to Ari, and I remember having a great time sitting next to Ari. I do think he unfollowed me on Instagram afterwards, but in person, he seemed to be really into it.

I've got to ask him about that. I'm doing this podcast tomorrow. I'm going to be like, do you remember when we went to the movies, and then you unfollowed me? Do you remember that you unfollowed me? You and Ari have got to be a fucking – Yeah. To get someone to unfollow you. I think I came out in support of Kobe Bryant's family.

I said, I feel bad. And he was like, get out, bitch. No, it's so funny. No, I love all these words. It is a good exercise when you are friends that you see every day unfollowing. Here you go. Oh. Well, I love reality.

Re-check. Because I've done that to people too where it's not even like I... Yo, unfollowing someone is fucking a despicable behavior. No, I'll do it, but you know what? No, but I'll do it and it's not even like...

For what? It's like there's too many selfies. Just mute them. Too many selfies. Just mute them. But they should be punished for the behavior. Yeah, I was going to say

that's what I mean. It's a deliberate like I could just ignore this and not ruin your day there are some choosing to fucking ruin your day guilted into following that i unfollow because i'm like i don't really fuck with you and it's not that i don't like it's just my i'm i'm it's like extending an olive branch that i'm not ready to give you so i have to take it back and it's not that i won't go back for the follow but it's like yeah i fucking hate you I wish I could unfollow you in real life

but it isn't but I have to really not care when people do it it's like a good exercise in life to be like don't take it personally who knows what's going on oh but that's the thing you absolutely have to take it personally it's only a personal thing the only reason you would do it is to personally like it's a personal

problem yeah I don't know muting's just such a puss move well it is i'm a real bitch i like to be i like to tell my do you andy hayne said this to me andy hayne said this to me last night and i was so flattered he goes you he goes your superpowers that you're honest and i went i went everyone's super probably goes no you're specifically i was like thank you yeah which is scary because i mean if rosebud's not honest enough like jesus christ i was like getting in a fight with someone last night no surprise there well she said this was the argument like some girl was heckling one of the other comics she was on the show downstairs this is the upstairs show and so

the woman came out and then started talking interrupted was first heckling then interrupt the conversation that she was having with derek so she said, you're going to need to walk away. Right. Thinking that she was just saying, step away from the conversation. But then Brian Simpson's in town. He was like, you know, that means like you're going to need to walk away. So my fist don't fly. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I didn't see that. But also people should be a little scared. Why not? Be scared. She. The threat of violence is important. She came here.

Andy and Rosebud came like maybe like a day or a week apart or something like that. Who'd you like better? Who's team are you on? It was such a perfect like, yeah, you guys are really a married couple. Rosebud, the question was like, what the fuck was the question? It was like it was it was would you rather have your significant other read your mind during sex or the rest of the time? Right. And –

Yeah, she was like I – her answer involved the part where she said like, well, it can't be during sex because I'll be thinking about like LeBron James or James Harden or an entire NBA team. That's so sad. Then Andy came in and we answered the same question about Rosebud and he goes, well, I mean Rosebud is probably thinking about an NBA team running And then Andy came in and we asked him the same question about Rosebud. And he goes, well, I mean, Rosebud, if I thinking about an NBA team running on her and I was like,

Oh my God, you guys are perfect for each other. Amazing. I don't want to hear it. Talk about the whole team. You're like, it actually was the whole team. That's so weird.

Oh my God. That's so funny. What is, uh, so you're doing, um, bloodbath, bloodbath, right. That's so weird. Oh, my God. That's so funny. What is... So you're doing Bloodbath, right? It's Trash Tuesday now. Yeah, that changed, right? So you started out with...

What was the... There's a legal thing. Was there really? What? We're just not talking about it because it's like we don't want our fans to go. Okay. I wasn't sure if it was like... We're trying to be not...

So same show, though, just new name. Yeah. Okay. Same show, new name, Trash Tuesday. It's so fun. Watch same show, though, just new name. Yeah. Okay. Same show, new name, Trash Tuesday. It's so fun. Watch. I'm so proud of it. What a crew you assembled.

It's fun, right? You guys are like the Avengers of weird. You got the different ends of the spectrum here. So disgusting. I feel like the poor Esther is always just appalled with you. But I've known her for 12 years, so it's been 12 years of her being like, Annie. Or Andrew. She calls me Andrewrew andrew it's so funny was that uh but then she's also like way more disgusting too like she'll be like yeah what i wash my hair with dish soap because it's so

greasy and we're like esther that's crazy that is crazy person behavior so much crazier than running from a drag queen for your life do Do you understand? At least he washes it. I don't shampoo. This guy does not shampoo his fucking greasy ginger hair. Well, it doesn't look... But does it smell like scalp? Probably. What's that? Does it smell like scalp? Does it smell like scalp?

I don't think so. You want to take a whiff? Okay. What does scalp exactly smell like? You know what it smells like. No. It's weird. He doesn't...

He's like an inside-out cat. Do you have something on it? He doesn't He's like an inside out cat Do you have something on it? He doesn't have What's that? Do you have something on it? Product or something? No What's the smell?

I don't know This is awkward I have a boyfriend But I think we might be A pheromone match That's so embarrassing When you say that When you're like

Oh my god What's your cologne? And the person's like I'm not wearing it And you're like Oh I gotta go Evolution is Wants us to have a kid I gotta go I gotta not working. And you're like, oh, I gotta go. Evolution wants us to have a kid. I gotta

go. I gotta leave before I fuck you. No, and I love my boyfriend. He's so cute. How long have you been dating him? Since right before the pandemic. I was going to break up with him. That's doomed to end. I was like, no, I was like, I'm going to fucking, I was like, I was going to dump you. He's 11 years younger

than me. Whoa. Okay, girl. So he's what 45 yes yes yes i just turned 47 um thanks for telling them um no i yeah we met he worked at the comedy store i was just gonna hook up with him we both like survivors so he came over to watch survivor so my eyelashes are popping off but um it's so embarrassing when you just have like one bald eyelash did you ever try the magnet ones the magnet ones where there's like magnific eyelashes where you put like a glue on it's supposed to but that's not possible okay so then halfway through the day you're like something feels light on one side i'm like one bald eye anyway you don't care i

this shit that you guys do is crazy it's so although i do i remember thinking like who gives a fuck about your eyelashes but then when you see they look done up versus not done up every picture looks good it's like yeah it's i learned that trick a long time do you know where like who gives a fuck about your eyelashes but then when you see they look great and you look perfect and every picture looks good it's like I learned that trick a long time ago do you know why

fake lashes were invented in France they were invented because of gingers that don't have eyelashes like you two or they were invented by prostitutes

it wouldn't hurt guys for when like guys come on them they just can peel them off and throw them away no put new ones on swear to god

that is not what they're for. They're cum catchers. Swear to God. Swear to God that was told to me by someone. I swear that a girl told me that. When I was at my horriest phase, the most horrific thing to leave behind was your eyelashes on a guy's house. That is pretty despicable.

That is the most disgusting thing. Yeah, I've seen videos where they're leaving behind. And they're expensive. You're like, these were Mac. I'm like, hey, I wasn't planning on ever talking to you again. I didn't need those Macs. Did you leave the hotel room yet? Are you still in town?

Oh, this is a fake number? Oh, shit. You were dating your boyfriend. Pandemic. I was going to break up with him. And then the pandemic hit. And I was like, stay forever. And then we just – we have a dog. It's just –

Oh, wow. Shit. It's really nice. And then he started a business. We've just both done really well. Wow. He's working on a Netflix show. Oh, shit, girl.

He's half Asian during Stop Asian Hate. Wow. So that's the real answer there. So amazing. I can still tell asian jokes the past i get is pretty incredible yeah that's what we're doing here we got a gay guy a girl we got a black guy who does social we've got everybody like all of our boxes yeah yeah he he is more gay than the gay guys who work here so we i wish we were talking to a guy about all the spotify money floating around and i was He is more gay than the gay guys who work here. I wish.

We were talking to a guy about all the Spotify money floating around. And I was like, how do we get a bag like that? And he was like, just be gay, man. Because if you guys had your show and you were gay, you would be through the roof. I was like, we're so close to being gay anyway. Let's just fucking officially do it and get paid for it. My Wikipedia for a second said that I was trans, and it was like the greatest week of my life.

I was like, whoever did this should be knighted. First of all, I am like, people could be like, well, maybe, the voice is so deep. Those shoulders are pretty broad. The tits are not there. I could see them being like, maybe. And then I was like, oh, because Tim Dillonillon was always like You should just tell people you're bi So you can say other words

Yes Yeah and he's got I still I'm like until I see Tim Dillon Suck somebody's dick I just don't know He's gay Yeah

You disappointed He's a gay man He fucked me No That's such a Mark Norman I sucked his dick Comedy I blew him

But No he's gay it's weird i know it's weird to see a big uh long island man like that yeah it's wacky just running around screaming but there's the biggest shirt looks like a tablecloth but he's gay it's like i let's just hope he's a bottom i just pray i pray for those twinks dear lord they all leave with a limp they end up showing up on my show calling you trans that's a great that's so funny but then you then you also become like you'd be really hot if you were trans i really don't know what i'm packing well i used to always say because i used to work in so many kitchens and i would always i only know like mexican kitchen spanish so i would always say like I used to work In so many kitchens And I would always I only know like Mexican kitchen

Spanish So I would always say like Chupame la verga Solamente la verga No tango pinocha Which is Suck my dick I only

I have a dick No I don't have a vagina And then I would go Mira mira And I would go Do like a side pipe I'd be like Look

Oh my god I'm swamp assing Through my sweatpants Jesus Christ Letterman You guys You guys It is hot as fuck

Out there today I am a full blown tourist And it's so embarrassing Yeah How do I do it I'm like gonna get mugged Because I'm looking at directions It's like so embarrassing

Yeah you've gotten soft If I get mugged In fucking New York How embarrassing is that You're such a pussy It's just so I mean I didn't get to you can't bring a brass knuckles on the plane. I love just having two brass knuckles on each, well, not on each floor. No, just on each hand as you're walking around.

Just ready to go. It feels so fucking good. Have you ever used them? I've never had to use them, no. Because, I mean, I feel like you would fucking split somebody's face. I'm ready. I'm ready. Ready to do it? I'm always at like a five, I feel like you would fucking split somebody's face. I'm ready. I'm ready. Ready to do it?

I'm always at like a five. I wish a motherfucker would. But you know what? I'm trying to not be like that. I've done a lot of work on my... I don't have road rage. I just made a choice to not have it. Really? I just drop it. Really? I just drop it. This is not a place where I get upset. That's the only place I get upset.

It's a great... Because it is a good place because it's private. You can let it loose. I say's a great... Well, because it is a good place because it's private. Yeah. You can let it loose. I say fucking horrific things. Well, we know what letter that starts with. It's pretty rude. Just bring Miss Pat back in. I hope this is live.

No, it's crazy. I used to... I remember this one guy. I got in a fight with him driving. He cut me... I don't know who was at fault but probably me because I'm a girl but let's be real I'm like probably

was texting is that why you stopped road rage because you just accepted it was your fault it does help it does help with a lot of things

when you go I am probably responsible for almost everything that's ever been upsetting in my life and then you go okay and then when you

guys like i can be responsible for all the good things too but i remember this guy like getting out of his car and he's like you're making it worse and it was like he was like this gay black guy and it was like during the trump stuff and i think he was literally like having like a moment like that where it's like you're making everything worse and i like – I'm not just talking about the traffic. I was like, I think you might be right. I'm Karen in your ass. You're right. I was like, okay. Do you find it hard to be a white blonde?

A white blonde woman right now is – No, it's really easy actually. It's always been so easy. No, I think – well, it's hard when you can't complain. I mean literally though. If you are a white blonde chick And you express Any sort of like

I don't like something You are instantly A bitchy rude character Yeah but as a comedian I should be doing it In joke form anyway Why are you talking about What the shit you don't like

Shut up Just focus on the stuff you like Yeah Why You don't need to like I have As far as like the Me Too movie I have handled so many men In my life That it's like I don't need to like i have as far as like the me too but i have handled so many men in my life

that it's like i don't need to tweet a fucking thing i like i know how to handle without you don't like use it to your advantage yes don't like you can really fuck with them you can really really i was getting i was going over these dms there was this guy that um i'll tell you the show afterwards but just because i have no i don, I have no horse in the game. It wasn't that bad, but he was married to like this icon. Okay. Growing up,

this female icon. Icon is a strong. And just, I mean, really incredible. And he was working on the show and I had tweeted about liking the show. And he like saw,

he must've been searching because I didn't tag the show or anything. He was looking for it. And he likem'd me like that I was his twitter crush and I was like I know you're fucking married too and then so I just like wrote something nice back like oh the show's great or whatever and then he was like you have to let me take you out for a coffee and then I just never talked to him again and then that week I tweeted I had been in a relationship for three years and I just tweeted like something.

I said every time you get goosebumps, it's because your ex-boyfriend's dad is making eye contact with one of your selfies. And then the next one was it was just my two tweets of the week. And my other tweet was like, I just did the dishes for the first time in my three year relationship and I didn't get a standing ovation. Like, I'll never do another chore in my life. And he wrote me, that guy wrote me, and he goes, dads and dishes, understood. Be well. Like, he thought I was, like, tweeting at him. I was like, this guy's so crazy.

So then I ignored it and then just went on with my life ignoring him. And I told my agent about it. He's like, you've got to get a meeting with him. You've got to go for the coffee. I was like, no, I don't. I'm funny. What a funny agent brain. Oh, this is great. They don't understand. I'm like, I agent brain oh this is great they don't understand like i'm actually good like you don't understand like that's for people that aren't funny i don't got

to do anything i don't want to do like it give it some time it'll work out and boy is it um but and then i was like just going through this because we're just laughing because then he wrote me again like a couple years later a year later like you're um he went you're you're warm cream on a banana pie or something like so gross and weird and cheesy and i ignored that and then he wrote me again in the wrong setting is like there's i would i would beg to say there's no good setting except like shaving i was gonna say shaving cream and like maybe whipped cream and that's it otherwise you're saying when people like i like heavy cream in my coffee i'm like yeah it's not a great word it should be heavy a heavy load i mean but so um yeah we should call cream loads that's so much better call it nut call it busting

um oh my god that was my favorite like hooking with philly guys when i was and they're like i'm gonna bust it's like they always ended up getting busted and going to jail every time they go little do you know you are but i'm about to bust. I'm about to bust. But, um, so... I can definitively say I've never said I'm about to bust. I'm about to bust, girl. We're not if I don't match anymore, then. But so, okay, so... What the fuck was I talking about?

The guy, the guy. Okay, so then, okay, so then, during all of the Me Too stuff, he writes me again and he goes, hey hey I think I might have creeped you out That is something I'd like to see It's funny that he has the fear of it It's almost like the fear of it's so much more powerful But I also don't care

I'm a big girl During the Me Too movement If you had DMs You could wield that like a fucking sword. Dude, it was – I think the apologies are what I would love to see more than the creepy slides. I want to see the guys squirming being like, please don't put this shit out. The public apologies were good too.

Sorry. The public apologies were so good too because they always started out as like, as a father of dogs. Oh, I know. I know. Or the I'm a God-fearing man or it's so funny it was always like just read the other ones and just pick a new one but you know i hope cuomo gets help i'm not perverted i'm italian is what's happening to your all time city now what's gonna happen i don't know who cares it's so the same fucking thing it'll just be like overrun the homeless

people and you know just keep going. This place is like a self-sufficient shitbag. I like these homeless people better so much, though. They've been through more. Dude, there was a guy today. He had a coffee can. Yo, just shaking it. Right.

The huge coffee can. Yeah. The big one. And there was like, you know, a couple quarters. Hit a big gulp. It was so disruptive. I was like, this is horribly annoying. I was like, I want to give you dollar bills, so you just fucking stop.

That's the way that you get a dog to stop barking. You put pennies in a can. Yeah, they freak out over that. It's real. Yeah, well, and it worked on humans, too. I was like, god damn it. That's how you get people to give you bills, yeah. He got my attention.

He goes, bro, I love Taylor Swift. I was like, I know you do. That's so funny. I appreciate the hustle, but you're lying. You're lying. Do you love her? Just so you know, I can see you. Do you love Taylor Swift. That's so funny. I appreciate the hustle, but you're lying. Do you love her? Just so you know, I can see you. Do you love Taylor Swift? I do love Taylor Swift, yes.

Yeah, right? It's a weird thing, right? Like an unhealthy obsession amount. But I don't love, I feel like I don't love anyone. I feel kind of sad about that. I'm not like a fan of things. Except actually reality shows. I do.

I am. I like reality stars. What's your favorite movie? I like movie? Yeah. Or when she dies it's like so sad what's your favorite song um artist or type of music i do i like your song by elton john um that's just a song my dad used to play weird he's not dead. I'm still alive. When I think about you, I touch myself by the divinals, my dad, and my favorite song. It's number one favorite.

Do you watch TV shows? Other than reality? I watch, no. What do you fucking do, let alone? Yeah, what do you do? Just reality. Comedy. That's it?

I'm joking. I'm having fun. I'm fucking meditating. You meditate? I do hypnosis. Really'm joking. I'm having fun. I'm fucking meditating. You meditate? I do hypnosis. Really? It changed my life. I'll never live in a car again.

I don't want to brag, guys, but I'm not living in a car for a third to fourth time. No, sirree. You won't catch me back here. And that is because they repossessed my car. I'll be actually homeless this time. What happened with the hypnosis? I just changed my subconscious beliefs about money. I had like a thing where I was like, I don't deserve money, and I would just fucking repel it.

And now I just – I literally started doing it. Why don't you tell my boy this story over here? I'll send you stuff. I'll send you stuff. How about this? Just like self – Just paint me a picture. Just diagnose this for a second.

Okay. Someone comes up to you and says like, hey, man, I like your shoes. And you just go like, you can just have them. And you just take them off on the spot and swap sneakers with them. Okay, I have some questions. Hypothetically, what do you think of that? Did he put the coins in that afterwards? Now, okay, so.

Also, just a little extra tidbit. What if those sneakers you were wearing were given to you? It was a gift from your podcast partner. I actually think that's so funny to give away a gift like that. I've done that before, and a friend has gotten mad at me. As he told the story, I was like, wait a minute. What shoes were they? They were apparently Travis Scott Air Max.

Why did you give them to him? He was just being good to me. Did you get them for free? No, no. I paid for them. Do you make more money than him, and you feel guilty, and you say it's a for free? No, I paid for them Do you make more money than him and you feel guilty? No But when you talk about repelling money I need to know some things

What was the situation growing up? What did your parents say about money? What did you learn about money as a kid? Nothing They must have said something Did they have money? Did they give you allowance? They have money, yes And they give you allowance? They have money, yes

And they gave you allowance? No Were they like money doesn't matter? Yeah, kind of So money doesn't matter to them Yeah, that's it You nailed it Pretty much done

Pretty much done there And I'll be sending the bill I'm going to get trained in hypnosis I don't know what I'm going to do I'm not going to go on stage And make people cluck like chickens But I'm going to get trained in hypnosis. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not going to go on stage and make people cluck like chickens or something, but I'm going to do some fucking crazy. My dad did some hypnosis. To you?

No, no, no. But he did to my mom. He's like, you're getting sleepy, but that was your dick. It wasn't a thing. He was just going, y'all getting sleepy. My mom had this spot right here. It was an itchy spot that would never stop itching. And it just drove me crazy.

It was pissing him off. Pissing everybody off. Yeah. And so he did this hypnosis thing, and he lulled her to sleep, and he was going to get rid of it. And he said he took it from here and put it on her hand, and it worked. But now she just has a fucking itchy hand. I just – She's like, you dumb asshole.

Now I'm itchy. But now she just has a fucking itchy hand. She's like, you dumb asshole. But now she just sits there scratching. She was like, why didn't you just throw it out in the garbage or something? You should have put it in her asshole. That would have been so funny. She would have scratched her butthole the whole time. Have fun with it, Dad. Live a little. That's so funny. Take people's ailments.

This kid was screaming and hollering in the front of one of my shows in Utah. And I was like, what are – This kid? How old? 23. I was like, what bipolar are you? He was like, two.

I was like, I knew it. And then later through the show, I was like, hold on. I was like, I'm a shaman. I put my glasses on. And I went over and I shook his head and I was like, you're cured. And then he started barking. He's a fucking dog. It's so fun.

My shows have been so fun. Yeah, I mean, the weirdos, man. The freaks come out to the letter room. You need to do something like the Freaks Tour and just lean into it and have all the weirdos of the world come out. Well, Christy, did you see his merch drop? Yeah. I was like, you fucking are stealing my audience. I mean.

He's a guy with little hands. I was like, those are mine. He has like, you know, Uncle Titi. Yeah. So like she is modeling it. And then there's this guy who has like no arms. He's got just like little hands. He just has like a freak show.

Those guys get so much pussy too. And you should honestly don't like pity them. They get a lot of pussy. Because girls are like, oh my God, your little hands. You think so? A hundred percent. Yeah. percent not all projecting right now not all girls no no but i i talked to them all girls just like blonde comics who've been through a lot in philadelphia who they'll fuck them but i don't know about anybody else that's the guy that is so weird when you're on stage saying a joke and you're like you know we all do that yes yo that that's that is that is the one thing like we don't we're not

comics but we used to write a lot of blogs and we'd always put in that's the saddest thing hey listen it worked out pretty well it worked out pretty well but anytime i would put something. But any time I would put something personal in there, I'd be like, you know, guys, we'll do this, and press publish. And then everyone's like, no, we don't do that. Nobody did that. We don't. That was just that. Oh, my God.

Which one of you is the James Franco in that? Is that James Franco? That's James Franco and Seth Rogen. Which one's the Seth Rogen? Which one's the kind of? I have an annoying laugh, so I'm going to go Rogen. Okay. So you're the most...

I was going to say, I'm the fucking Me Too guy. Great. He kind of skated on that, no? Isn't it? But his was kind of good because it was like... He was like, I have an acting school. And I would go to the acting school and he was like, there's only one price of admission.

Stop this dick. The James Franco acting school is. It's so funny. He was like a professor at NYU. Yeah. Oh, why? It's like, think about it. If a man who has already a good job that's fun goes, I want to have an annoying job where I'm grading papers.

Think. Yeah. Let's use our brains on that one. What might be the reason he's doing that? He's like, I'd go to 9 to 5, this beautiful, fun life for a day. What do you think Cuomo does next? What do you do if you're

a disgraced governor who's now a perverted Italian? Does he not have his nipples pierced? What? Was that a joke? I feel like I've heard that. For some reason, I feel like I've heard that. There's no chance. I am absolutely willing to bet he does not have pierced nips. He's such a fucking pervert. I mean.

If you're a man with pierced nips, you're a pervert. You are. You are. I had my nipples pierced. You are a Guido Guinea pervert, though. I had my nipples pierced when I was a teenager, and then my mom set me up with this other guy who had his nipple pierced. So I was like, what did you think?

We're going to link them? Because of that? Because of? I'm like, keep looking at you. I'm like, what did you think we're going to link them? Because of that? Because of? I keep looking at you. I'm like, there's a girl. This is the picture. That's just a hairy chest. That's just a hairy Guido chest.

Let me see. I think that's breast cancer. Is there anything funnier than if that is a barbell? That would be very, very funny. That would be really, really fucking funny. Would you fuck Noah? Now, maybe. I like a fallen man.

I like a man who needs me. I feel like... Remember when Cuomo-sexuals were a thing? Cuomo-sexuals, yeah. That dumb fucking Noah whatever's name is was like, I'm a Cuomo-sexual. It's so funny. The Daily Show guy, what's his name? Trevor Noah.

Trevor Noah. And now it's like, that's not a great soundbite to have floating around. Putting the no in Trevor Noah. I mean, we as professional piercers, if Cuomo actually has nipple rings, I mean, this is fucking wacky. Imagine that, like you went to work for the day. It's like, what'd you do today? It's like, well, I did an internet investigation on whether this old guy had fucking nipples. That's what your entire job is.

Yeah, you're right. Kevin, that's your full job you're right as i said it i was like this is exactly something i would do your face fall your ginger face you're a fucking so how old are your kids uh five and a half and four that's crazy how old are you how old do you think i am are you my age how old you i think i'm older than you 38 36 oh my god it's crazy to have kids when you're 31 when I had them I was like 30 and 31 doesn't that seem like a

teen pregnancy at this point like oh my god how are you ready yeah there are times that I I've been doing this and I just out loud would be like isn't it crazy that I have kids and everyone's like yeah yeah this is fucking nuts but it's not it's like we're the it crazy that I have kids? And everyone's like, yeah. Yeah, this is fucking nuts. But it's not.

It's like, we're the fucking weirdos. I feel like right when I did it was when things were really shifting. I feel like when I got married and had kids, it was totally age appropriate. How old were you when you got married? I was like 29. We had kids right away. So that was normal. I got married at 27, which seemed insane.

But now, right after it, I think it it was like you're crazy if you do any of this before you're like 34 you're still married no i didn't see a ring yeah no more marriage but kids are still there so kids are a little more permanent than that no but i was surprised i was like oh this motherfucker has kids it's crazy it's like such a like twist when you're like this person made a choice to grow up and be like totally regular. It's crazy. It's a very weird existence that I don't think many people are doing. But no, it's weirder to not have kids because this is what I'm realizing.

All my friends go fucking nuts because at this age, you're supposed to like be paying attention to something that's not yourself. And if you're just paying attention to yourself, you're a psycho, dude. Everyone's supposed to be nuts. Yeah, I guess that's – but guess what? I'm a psycho too because because they'll drive you crazy also so you know it's like you either be crazy with all your money and your free time yeah or crazy without it well stop buying people's shoes um to buy your

co-host shoes when you have two children is pretty dirty all right uh let's go to answer the internet present to get you down i feel like you're going to crush Answer the Internet. No pressure. I hope so. If I don't, we're reshooting. It's in my contract. Everybody go follow her and listen to her podcast and shit. Follow me.

You have to type my entire name in. I'm Shadowband. Oh, are you? Oh, really? It's so annoying. So then we actually do need to plug it for you. You literally have to. Danny Letterman.

The entire thing. A-N-N-I-E-L-E-D-E-R, man. And then you have to scroll through all the fake accounts that are there. Yeah. All the way down to the one. I have no clue. Or you think it was just a culmination of you. I don't know.

The fact that Zuckerberg was just like the whole thing. Like why are we shadow banning her? Just because of all of this. I'm like can I just be friends with people that are friends with Alex Jones? Can I just be friends? Can I be second degrees friends? Yeah, that was like you went on Rogan too much and that was it. I mean, I guess.

One of my favorite videos is you on, I don't know what you were on, talking about when Rogan doesn't get your jokes though. You made like a Third Reich joke. It was a very good joke. I couldn't believe it I was like no Because first of all he painted me into a corner I said you know I just feel like everyone has the right to believe Even the Nazis I'm like you fucking

And then it took me one split second I went they have the third Reich And he goes isn't it Reich Yes Yes I literally did that in point I went, they have the third right. And he goes, isn't it right? Yes, it's right. You motherfucker. Yes, it's right. Yes. I literally did that in point.

That was brutal. Did you see Shane Gillis? I didn't, but I heard it was. It made me want to like chop my own head off. But I love it. And it was not, you know, it was Rogan again. It was like Shane. I think Rogan stopped listening for a moment, to be honest.

I think he was like distracted. No, that is what it is. That is what it is. He's like high or something. And he sits there all straight up. He's just like, oh, yeah, man? I was like, yeah, man. Yes, fuck.

He also at one point in that interview went, wah, wah. And I went, no, no, no. I went, time out. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. I was like, I pulled this from here and this from here, and I brought it together. It was brilliant. I was like, what's going on here, man?gan well i wasn't sure the first time i did it i

wasn't sure if it would like turn his audience like against me and they would think i wasn't funny and then when i realized they don't care and they all just like time stamped all of my jokes i was like rogan you can say whatever the fuck you want there was one joke i didn't make that i like i wake up every night screaming the last time I was on was like two days after they had done the sky writing that said Joe Rogan is literally 5'3". Did you see that? And I just didn't. We just went right into the show. So I didn't get a chance to talk to him about it.

So I just didn't know. He doesn't care about stuff like that. I'm sure he didn't give a fuck. Right. It didn't affect him in any way. But I just didn't get a chance to say anything to him before it. So I didn't want to bring it up. But in the middle of the interview, he interview, I go, how old are you?

He goes, 53. And I wanted to go, oh, that's what they meant. They said Joe Rogan's literally 53. But I hesitated. I didn't do it. That will haunt you for the rest of your life. He wouldn't care. That will haunt you literally until you die. Apparently jokes are 5'4". He does get jokes. He just gets high and can't fucking understand a thing. I love him.

Someone on, I did like a, you know, ask me anything on my Instagram. And someone was like, how can you be friends with Joe Rogan? And I'm like, he is the best. Yeah. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? I mean, he's literally the best. He is like the best dude to be friends with. He like helps everybody professionally.

He's got money. He's friendly. He's like, I've had conversations with Rogan where we're're in a green room and he's like, you're my sister for life. And I'm like, oh, Rogan. He's like a family member. It's just so good. Yeah, no.

I mean, that's- But all people just get mad because he has Alex Jones. I don't know what it is. It's like that type of thing. I would have put my own- If I was Joe Rogan, I would have done my own skywriting and been like, Joe Rogan literally has like 200 million views. I'm going to fuck out tall I am, you idiots.

I know. That's so funny. But he would never care about that. And then everyone's like, so you're 5'1 or something. He is taller than 5'2 as well. He's not literally 5'2. Don't talk about my king that way. Let's go. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you. Bye.