KFC Radio - Donald Trump Wins the 2024 US Election ft. Pete Holmes

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Starting point is 00:03:20 slash. Check, check. What? Like, oh yeah. It, mic checks, and we're good. Check, check. What? Like, it's like you do it on purpose almost. Like, you're just still. I haven't spilled. But you're so close every time. It's like you're just living on the edge.

Starting point is 00:03:38 But, yeah. I need to maximize the amount of caffeine in the cups. Like, it's the cups's problem, not mine. It's like, I hit 12. If I hit 10 on the coffee maker, 10 ounces, less caffeine. If I hit 12, we're maximizing the amount of caffeine. I'm not blaming you for wanting a full cup of coffee. I'm blaming you for, like, throwing it around when it's in your hands.

Starting point is 00:03:59 Like, just take a gulp of it or put a top on it. I bet it can't be this hot. Put it down, then. How about you worry about your... That's right. Leave people alone. Leave people and their pets and their coffee alone. Bro, when we recorded Peanut, I did not know how politicized it had gotten.

Starting point is 00:04:17 Dude, I thought I was a MAGA guy. Well, I was going to say, I think in my caption, I said, like, full disclosure, we recorded this before we knew how politicized it got. And we're so dumb that we got it wrong. I was defending the cops. I thought I was a MAGA guy. That's what makes no sense. Since when were the Democrats pro-police force?

Starting point is 00:04:37 I don't think. That's what made no sense to me. I think it was more that the Republicans jumped on it, so then it just becomes, well, we hate it. I don't think there were Democrats out there being like, kill the fucking – They were just like, if Donald Trump likes something, fuck that. Actually, my only regret about Pena is that we can't kill it again. Dude, I was saying that. I think my favorite part of that is that I believe, if I remember the show order correctly,

Starting point is 00:05:02 the lead-in to that topic was ending of trump epstein where you were like and this is what i mean like people just don't really care they just want to argue about stories so anyway what about peen i'm like are you fucking kidding me are you kidding me you know what i would love to know i mean now so so the dust has settled like fucking dude rolled she got smoked not only in the presidential election in every election red wave everywhere i would love there's no way to measure it really but it's like what really mattered at the end of the day i would love to just like if you had a magic crystal ball ati type question it's like which because it's obviously when people were worried about uh tony

Starting point is 00:05:43 hingecliff that didn't do a fucking thing uh we thought that the uh assassination was going to be a big deal then we didn't think of it maybe at the end it was maybe or or is like or does none of that matter and it's all like deep rooted issues that have been bubbling for you know the last several decades and it was i i tend to believe it was just the perfect storm of like this once one in a lifetime type character for better or worse. Like there's nobody like him and a whole bunch of people across the country who do not like the other side. And no matter what happens with him, they are not going that direction. They feel like they've never been heard. And they, you know, all that shit.

Starting point is 00:06:22 I feel like it's a deeply entrenched uh issue but i would love to know if some of those silly things or pop culture things or what really mattered and what didn't it's it's the it's arguably probably probably the most wrong i've been since the 2013 bruins i think i think the 2013 bruins i was like these guys are gonna fucking roll to the cup they made it to the cup and lost. Oh, that's not as bad. I thought you were going to say they were, like, last place or something. No, because they swept the Penguins in, like, the Eastern Conference Championship. I was like, this is going to be a fucking bloodbath.

Starting point is 00:06:52 Because I'll tell you things. Like, you know, there were times where I was like, the 2003 Mets are going to be unbelievable. Jeremy Burnett's in Moe Vaughn. And we won, like, 60 games. I've been wrong. I was like, I don't even think it's going to be close. And, like, dude, I was saying. I was like, I don't even think it's going to be close. And then, dude, I was saying this earlier. I was like that the entire night until I accepted it didn't.

Starting point is 00:07:11 I was just like, she's going to win. She's going to win. She's going to win. And then 11-18. I remember the time. 11-18 hit. It was right after I was watching on CNN. They went to the Harris campaign headquarters.

Starting point is 00:07:22 And they were like, what's the word over there? And the correspondents were like, it's just silence. And I was like, what's the word over there? And they, the correspondence were like, there is, it's just silence. And I was like, oh, it's over. I saw a clip of,

Starting point is 00:07:30 um, Harris's co campaign chairman or something like that. Whatever the phrase was. And he came out to make the speech. Like you're done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:41 Yeah. He said like, we will not be hearing from the vice president tonight, but you will hear from her tomorrow because we're still counting votes i was like you console if you ain't coming out you know and what's even funnier the opposite for trump if you don't hear from him he's winning yeah yeah he's losing he's tweeting yeah because stealing earlier in the day it was like pennsylvania's stealing this is bullshit and then all of a sudden like never mind everything i mean again that's what's funny about like it's like okay but so now we fully believe in the electoral college this time it was totally

Starting point is 00:08:10 true real and fine so the i i like to think i i think i have a pretty good cultural pulse like i think like when i watch tvs i'm like i know if i recommend tv i think usually it's good tv everyone's like yeah that is good. Movies, music. I'm pretty good at it. My only two blind spots are reality television and Donald Trump. Which are arguably the two cornerstones of America. I was going to say. And guess where he comes from, bro.

Starting point is 00:08:41 He's almost, in my mind, one of the most influential parts of a reality TV. That's why it's as popular as it is. They're just the two things. I'm like, I just don't get it. I don't know what to tell you. There'll be a show where it's like, hot dumb chicks and hot douchebag guys. That looks like the dumbest thing in history. And then three weeks later, like, so we have a new biggest television show of all time, and everyone loves it.

Starting point is 00:08:58 And honestly, that's the country, too. Just a bunch of dumb girls and douchebag guys. I do think i mean this is the i remember feeling this way the first election and now it's definitely the big talking point right now everybody's saying it that like there's a huge swath of america that feels like you know they are the the democratic party is condescending and sanctimonious and talking down to us and you don't listen to us and we are now, like, not going to put up with

Starting point is 00:09:32 it anymore. And that's, like, the vibe. And I can understand why the other, like, the left would be like, just shut the fuck up about that. Like, what are we talking about? This guy's, like, so terrible. But when you ignore that forever and ever and ever, and eventually it just like,

Starting point is 00:09:48 there's so many people that feel that way. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong or misguided or whatever side you're on of it. It's like, it is the way. So you have to start paying attention to that or you're going to just keep losing forever. It is the Democratic Party is a lot like parents telling you to like turn the lights off when you're leaving room you're like i fucking know

Starting point is 00:10:08 okay i just don't want to do it right now yeah yeah and that's like everyone should have equal rights and you're like i i know i know but not right now okay i'm too tired right now i i i would do that when i voted yesterday the I didn't even know what I didn't know what it was but on the back of the New York ballot one of the the first like

Starting point is 00:10:31 you know the proposals and the first proposal was just the Equal Rights Act and I was like looking around like is this a prank are we voting against this

Starting point is 00:10:39 are people voting no on this but that so that's the thing is like I think that a lot of people in Democratic Party view a lot of stuff as like how could you disagree with me on this? And guess what? A lot of people fucking do.

Starting point is 00:10:51 And again, however you may feel about certain issues, you think right, you think wrong, abortion and immigration, all that. It's like it doesn't matter if you're going to try to win. You know what I mean? Yeah. You have to accept that just being like, this is what's right and good and what I believe, and you should too. It's like, it's not fucking resonating. As a matter of fact, they hate all of your guts. Like they are, it's so bad.

Starting point is 00:11:16 Like I would imagine even like Trump supporters would prefer he doesn't have 34 fucking indictment felonies and all these women coming out like i don't think they like that part i think they're just willing to look past it because of whatever they believe in the issues and how much they hate other people that my question is i like i i i i don't pay super close attention but i think i think i pay closer attention than the average person which i think i watch the convention speeches i watch the debates you know 20 million people watch the debate. 150 million people vote.

Starting point is 00:11:45 So I'm one of that 20 million. Right. And I watched the debate. I was like, I don't like it. Now, this is, by the way, kind of sick. White men, we spent like, we had like five years complaining where it's like, it's hard to be a white guy. It's like, I lost.

Starting point is 00:11:59 I'm pretty sure I won. I know. I'm pretty sure I won. He was saying some shit about taxes that i'm pretty cool but like but i still don't that's all i hear is like that but like i don't i watch it i don't know what the political the like economic plan is i don't know i'll i will just say this about like so i mean he won the presidency they have the the house the the senate the supreme court like you better be right yeah because if this guy wants to do something like he pretty much can like that

Starting point is 00:12:33 like there's no checks and balances anymore so you better hope he's not a bad otherwise like that would be at all time like whoops because there's nothing to check him. That's my other part that you can cry about Donald Trump all you want, but what about every other fucking election that went red? They control everything now. There's more to it than just Donald Trump. Obviously, there is something fundamentally going on that i watched uh can't this i want to accept it they can't look in the mirror and be like yo we gotta do this differently i don't know i don't know what the answer is either but i i will say turns out that

Starting point is 00:13:16 like just fucking propping up kind of a fake candidate at the 11th hour was not a great idea yeah i i think the bigger mistake was trying when they they i thought the campaign and look none of us are experts we don't know what the fuck we're talking about as you know someone who was voting blue the whole time i was more in on it when it was like hey those guys are weird right like that and then at some point the campaign shifted to being like uh trying to get no trying to win republicans like when they brought in the cheneys and stuff like that it didn't change my vote but it made me less like what are we i was more like what are we doing here and i think like yeah i don't think they won i think there's a million missteps i think like the whole thing was poorly done i really

Starting point is 00:13:57 do believe that not having any sort of primary kind of just like gave so much ammo to the other side of being like this is not democracy at all this is like you just propped somebody up out of nowhere yeah but i i also i i disagree with that i mean like the the primaries were ran the same way they were in the 70s like it's not like democracy didn't disappear it's different but her not having to be voted but that was that's how it was done like the seven like like every 50 years or so, the primaries change. And so, yes, it was not how it's done modernly, but it wasn't some insane change from how primaries have been run in the past.

Starting point is 00:14:37 But when I was watching CNN last night, they were talking about how one of the more effective Trump ads was the Kamala transgender surgeries and I actually I think of my I'm definitely a liberal person but I'm I think of myself as like a more to the middle liberal person and I think that I saw that person I'd be like I think yeah that is I don't know there probably should be like some checklist system to if you're just giving out transgender surgeries to prisoners like that there's probably some way to so i actually looked it up and i was like i like looked into like the the numbers of it and it was like the um the only like real numbers i saw were california and it was the prison budget is four billion dollars one million dollars are

Starting point is 00:15:22 spent on gender affirming care which can mean something as simple as hair transplants it's hard to like figure out what went to what in that million dollars so like point zero zero five percent of the california prison budget is you so i was like that's not something i vote on no but i get that but this is this but the message resonated with people it's it's like not about anything of substance yeah it's just about running your campaign better than the other one you know and it's like they have their version of fear-mongering and we have our version of fear-mongering and which one's gonna work and it turns out that like i i really do think you can't just be like if you vote republican you're a nazi and you're a racist

Starting point is 00:16:02 i think that's a bad tactic because i do think there's a bunch of people who get that. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's probably a bunch of racist Nazis who do it. But I also think there are probably other people who are like, it galvanizes me more to be like, fuck you. Because, you know, stop saying that about me. Stop calling me that. Stop treating me like that. And I don't think, I mean, I'd have to get it by now, no?

Starting point is 00:16:27 I don't know what get it means. Like that they just have to acknowledge that you can't just be like – you can't kind of like brush it off and just be like, well, if you think this you're you're like racist trash there has to be some compromise of like i'll hear out your problems or what you want or whatever you know of course appeal appeal i mean that yeah that i mean general civility yes i agree i think they're a very i think they come across as a very condescending party of like i cannot even fathom that there are people who don't agree with me i i agree that it comes off condescending i also am like i cannot even fathom that there are people who don't agree with me i i agree that it comes off condescending i also am like i don't understand i genuinely think like how can you not how can you not vote for like women's health rights like i don't like so that's my point is

Starting point is 00:17:14 that like i agree with that too it's like i think it is insane i think you're far more likely to have a problem where like your wife's on the operating table and there's a problem at birth and you can't save her life or do what you need to do because of like rules uh and laws far more likely to have something like happen like that than like a migrant murderers so but i also don't and like but if but like you have to accept and change that mindset of like, you can't just be like, well, I don't understand why you don't like, I don't know,

Starting point is 00:17:48 figure I've tried to figure it out, try to understand it because you have to appeal to, I mean, I always come back to the country's too big. I think we've talked about it before. I don't know if we ever did it on the air, but I think I broke the country up in my mind to like five different countries. It's like the Northeast needs to be its own country.

Starting point is 00:18:03 The Northeast can't be talking about like alabama and north then northeast can't like be under the same rule it's just not it's not it's a different world it's a different country so like there are fundamental issues like with that i believe but if you're not gonna like if you're just gonna ignore or or think lesser than yeah i mean, to me, simple things like the reproductive rights and women's rights are so black and white. But isn't it better to win, to figure that out or play a little dirty or do whatever you need to do to then win, to then maybe fix that rather than just being like stamping your feet about it?

Starting point is 00:18:43 I do get the condescending thing, but also I feel like it's like, it's like, I feel like the left was more on the defense in terms of like, right. It's like harder to not come off like whining. Yeah. I agree with that.

Starting point is 00:19:00 I agree with that. So it's such like a thin line to, to balance. So I i disagree with they don't i i i think i don't know where it comes from and like i think that he's the whiniest person that's ever lived well yeah but you know what it's free i think i you know what i really believe truly like he tweets in caps locks like they're doing this like it's he tweets like a whiny baby but i i really believe like all of this goes back to i i honestly believe the slogan was like the most important thing to ever happen to him because the idea the idea of make america great again and it became a phrase

Starting point is 00:19:38 and a rallying cry and an acronym that appears much more like let's be great and just like go higher and onward and upward and the republic uh the democrats come off much more like it's not this feeling of uh which and it's all bullshit by the way i'm not i'm not co-signing i'm just saying it's marketing you know like their marketing and their slogans and their catchphrases it's like nike it's like better you know it's better than their than their shit because it comes off as you know more controlling and you know they murder murder squirrels but like even when you're throwing out words like controlling like what's more controlling i know i know i know i know it's all it's all smoke and mirrors and stuff like that but like you know it's i'm just i'm dead wrong i was dead wrong i i was thinking last night i was like

Starting point is 00:20:25 i was i was picturing what was happening at women hq uh which is a fictional place i was like boy you really are informed i don't know about women hq no i was like but i was like i think i think jake's got to be like like like in a horror movie we like you gotta tell transgenders like look we'll come back for you but we gotta we gotta separate right now that's kind of what i mean it's like like they're they're i want i am very a big believer in like rights for everybody and let people do their shit but when like when you make something that's very extreme and still very new to a lot of the world uh even like people that would probably consider themselves liberal liberal and progressive are still the older generation still are like i don't know about all that and what are they doing in schools and what are the

Starting point is 00:21:16 surgeries going on and when that becomes like the face of your or a big piece of it it's like i just i just think of it from a tactical point of view and it's just like i don't think it was the right time for you to go like with this candidate on these issues in this manner because what you needed to do was more like run a campaign that was going to rally more people rather than like turn some people off and and even even like the talk of of like i was saying that the big talking point is that the people who are like i'm fed up and i need to be heard you know it's like shut the fuck up shut up like let i to me i'm just like let the i guess it sounds un-american or or

Starting point is 00:21:59 not you know democratic or whatever but it's like the general feelings of the average person in america i know that's what it should be about but it's really not you know what democratic or whatever, but it's like the general feelings of the average person in America. I know that's what it should be about, but it's really not. You know what I mean? Like I feel like it's more important to just have like the right people in office who are smart and competent. And like if you don't feel heard or respected or whatever, it's like, I don't know, man. You know? Maybe I'm not articulating my point very well, but it's like, it's, I just think it's much more about, you know, arguing and winning than it is like, like, if everything, if he fixes everything, then like, then great. All of your problems, you're like.

Starting point is 00:22:41 My question would be, like, and it's a genuine question. I'm not trying to, like, get anyone. Like, like what is broken like and i i'm obviously in a very unique situation like you know people always say like or both candidates have been saying like is your life better in the last four years my life's demonstrably better so like i i had the freedom to vote where like yes my life my last four years have been better and i kind of like the people who are i like what they're saying the people who have made those last four years. Yeah. So, like, for me, it was pretty easy. But, like, I genuinely – like, what do people think is broken?

Starting point is 00:23:10 I think people now are expecting that, like, he's going to fix inflation. But inflation – That the housing market is going to be affordable. That the border issue is going to be fixed. Inflation is – like, do you know – like, inflation is below what reagan when reagan ran on it yeah as it's morning in america that was like 2.5 it's 2.4 right now right yeah i mean the stock market hits a new high every day the the craziest thing i'm not trying to be that's like that's the problem like why was that not the the screaming it from the mountaintops from the democratic party yeah i

Starting point is 00:23:46 don't know the stock market being at an all-time high usually it's like determines everything because it's just like you got money you're good and no one wants to rock the boat the fact that people were willing to like vote like against almost their own money in certain situations is fucking crazy to me it's like you should be and a lot of those things i mean i think the the economy is almost like 100 doesn't the the president really does not affect that at all like the economy comes and goes and you get credit when it's good and you get the blame when it's bad but why they weren't being like the stock market is at all fucking time high by like a mile right now everybody's prosperous everybody to explain that the inflation thing i mean i don't know overall i mean i know like i know i do know there i'm not sure of the numbers but there is

Starting point is 00:24:31 something going on as far as cost of goods cost of living housing markets shit like that i don't know if that falls under inflation or whatever it may but like the united states again i i would be curious what numbers i should look at because clearly the ones I looked at weren't right. But like America has the best post-COVID economy is the G7. G7 is America, Canada, France, Italy, Japan, Germany. Right. Something like that.

Starting point is 00:25:01 So like those are like the countries. Don't you think that like that's like you have the number one. I would have rather you fucking run that campaign. But honestly, you hear more about crazier, more progressive things. I don't want to diminish them. But it's like focusing on trans rights or focusing on some of the more social progress that, let's be honest, is probably going to happen no matter what. That's just where society is moving.

Starting point is 00:25:30 You know what I mean? To not make that the focal point. If it was me, I would just be like, we're all rich. We're all making money. Like fucking hammer that shit down over and over and over again. I certainly don't doubt the people who say that it has not been good. But I'm just wondering what numbers should you look at to see that? That's what I mean.

Starting point is 00:25:51 That's kind of what I was failing to articulate earlier. Is they're more talking about their feelings. You know what I mean? I don't like being talked down to by some hoity-toity high horse lifelong politician. I want a real person. I don't know. That doesn't really matter. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:26:12 What matters is things like fucking money and the economy and safety and all that. I actually, when they were looking at Georgia results on CNN again, it was like 40% of the exit polls were like their main concern was the economy and as soon as i saw that i was like that's not gonna be good but i don't i don't know what's wrong with it george you said george's exit polls said that they were concerned with the economy yeah for like 40 like their highest concern for people leaving the polls was the economy and i i was like i know i know what that means it means it's not good for democrats but i But I don't know. I'd be curious to see where I should look in the future

Starting point is 00:26:49 because I don't know where the numbers are bad. I'm sure there are. I just don't know which ones they are. I do think also kind of what you're saying, it's like the bro-iest bros on one side against... I don't think that the world is like ready for a female president like you can't have the bro-iest bros go up against like it's just like the world is not there i don't say this but the world is america's not

Starting point is 00:27:15 there are plenty of female presidents exactly exactly and like i was making this argument my mother is not female leaders my mom said she's not gonna speak to me for a month by the way because i didn't vote yesterday was i think my first time voting in person i've always voted by mail it is kind of cool you do like feel a little bit like oh i'm participating in society yeah i i i uh i said to her like you know i didn't vote she knew i didn't vote but we were laughing about it like kind of a week ago just kind of like for my reasonings and just whatever and now now that it didn't go her way she's like she, she hung up the phone. She's like, I'm not talking to you for a month. This is worse than the Johan Santana no-hitter.

Starting point is 00:27:51 But what I was saying is like I don't mean this in a way that like it should be this way, but like I just – I don't think it was the right time for a minority female. It's just like you should have just – and more to the point is that there was just nobody else like you don't got one that it was like this was probably i i i love to be in a world one day where uh being a female and being a minority and whatever does not make a difference but right now it still does so right now is probably the time to just find a fucking white guy well that's what i would say it's a cool black guy. It should be. Sure. And I'm saying this, I'm saying this as a woman. My mom was like,

Starting point is 00:28:27 do you remember Obama? Like he fucking won twice. And I was like, you're right, but he was cool and, and could speak better and could like perform better. And so maybe that was the problem. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:28:36 I was, I was like, I guess it's time to break glass and bring out Newsome. I don't know anything about Newsome. I just know he's a good looking dude and used to fuck hot people. I don't know. It seems like it all takes. You know what?

Starting point is 00:28:48 You know what, George Clooney? Put your money where your mouth is, bro. Just fucking get up there and act like, what's your, Danny Conrad or whatever your fucking name is in Ocean's Eleven. Just be that cool guy. Danny Ocean. Danny Conrad works for Mars. Be that fucking cool guy that makes people want to vote for you not like it is it is also just

Starting point is 00:29:08 like we we started with it like the messaging of it excuse me i'm on the bracket i think comes out tomorrow and um we're debating the least manly things and one of the play-in games was being a lip and i voted for that yeah like i said the calls come from inside the house but like it definitively it's pussy for me to be like come on guys don't we care about women it just is it's and i don't know how you combat that but that's what i mean that's basically my whole message there is like you have to accept that which is fundamentally difficult because it's like it's the right way to be it's the right way to just like care about other people's lives but it doesn't win elections or not anymore you know

Starting point is 00:29:50 what i mean maybe it did no but like you know i think it didn't win this time i i think it's i don't think we should like broadly be like not anyways it won four years ago and it might win in four more years like i don't it didn't win this time yeah i think and then because it won four years ago it won eight years in a row before that like it's not so it's a little bit recency but i i don't know it's gonna be another election he's got control of everything bro but that's also that's the shit that's annoying it's like like ruth gator ruth bader ginsburg not retiring when obama was in office was like that's that was a bad move by the party. You should have fucking forced her to do that.

Starting point is 00:30:28 Should have figured out the Biden situation much earlier. You know he's having a great day. It's cool, Joe. I think Joe Biden... What time is it? 12.30. Joe Biden's probably waking up right now.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Probably just woke up, poured himself a cup of coffee, sat on a rocking chair, saw the news, and probably faked being upset, and then just smirked to himself like, hey, it's so easy, huh? Turns out, maybe old Joe was – I understand that. Where he had declined to, he probably would not have won. But when you see how much she lost ground – I don't know. Did you see this, by the way? What's this? How many people looked up?e biden drop out the day of the election yeah well

Starting point is 00:31:09 that that's also the ultimately like it's so silly i was watching no i wasn't watching wait that's crazy but like it's i it's it's so silly to get worked up about and and i admit i do sometimes but like when like i was watching i know i was scrolling on twitter yesterday and like the new york post tweeted a video of like someone being like who'd you vote for he's like trump like why like harris is scared of rogan and it's like well okay like i don't know like what do i even look at shit for what do i care that's yes that's the problem did you see the clip of on cnn when they have the map of Biden's votes? And then they're like, we're going to flip over to the states and the counties where Kamala outperformed him.

Starting point is 00:31:54 And they click the button and the fucking whole country goes dark. And Jake Tapper goes, nowhere? Not one? I think 20. I just think they did not – and this is the mentality problem that I think that their party has. They did not like even consider that that could happen. Yeah. And that's the problem when you – yeah, here it is.

Starting point is 00:32:14 I mean he is so like – not one. I'm going to bring that out here. Aaron's overperforming 2020. Holy smokes. There you go. Zero. Anything on the east side there? Literally nothing? Literally nothing?

Starting point is 00:32:26 Literally nothing? Like, he's like, it can't be possible, you know? There must be something wrong. And I think that is, like, that is their problem, is they are approaching it from a point of view of, like, this cannot possibly be true. It's like, brother, it's been true, and it's, you know. And like you said, not for a very long time,

Starting point is 00:32:44 because they've won in the past elections. But, this whole build-up and for this election if you were not prepared for like hey i actually don't think a lot of people are agreeing with us i think you were way off the mark i mean clearly you were on the mark but it's like you gotta have your come to jesus moment where it's only you know what it's actually kind of like is like making content in a way, you know, it's like that fucking documentary or short film or a sketch or something where you put like a lot of work into it and wrote a great script that should get you like a hundred million views and it's going to get you like 10,000 and the fucking,

Starting point is 00:33:19 you know, loud mouth reality TV type, uh, like that type of content crushes yeah it's like that ain't the way it should be and then and then you also usually make your your bed like you're like i mean they're gonna sell out and be like a monster or you recognize if i do things my way i'll be successful but i'm not gonna win i'm not gonna become the biggest i'm gonna win the white house you know like you gotta get get with it a little bit.

Starting point is 00:33:47 But it's hard to do that when a part of that is admitting, like let's stop focusing on like women's rights and like safety for people. It's like you have to, it's probably like a pivot of your whole like personality. But that's where you should get like scummy. It's like hiring the right GM. Like hire that guy to run your fucking campaign and just do

Starting point is 00:34:05 it you know what i mean like get it's more about the way you do it not not i i think i don't know i think i think the message i don't i just think it always sounds preachy yes and there's no way to combat that like but it's gonna always sound preachy to be like we should treat people equally it's gonna sound preachy that that the issue is feeling like everybody feeling that they're getting preached to and and it's condescending and they're being called names and you gotta figure out a way to stop that i don't know you know you gotta i don't know how to do it at the end of the day i think there's just a lot more people who are, you know, less thoughtful and more black and white about, like, certain shit. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:34:50 Yeah. But I don't know what the shit. No more taxes. Like, sounds good. I don't know what the shit they're black. I don't know what. Again, I pay, again, pretty close attention. And I don't know what the black and white issue really was.

Starting point is 00:35:01 I guess it's, like I the the they said last night the transgender commercial really resonated so i guess that might be it i don't i don't what it what was the black and white issue what i mean again i i know what they say is inflation and the housing market the border and like uh progressive shipping like jammed on their throats but be it trans or uh i think i think that's it be it trans or I think that's it I think that's the black and white issue which to me is great I don't know just let people be people I don't fucking care but everyone

Starting point is 00:35:32 doesn't think that so what are you going to do squirrels be squirrels I think I think there probably was a truly I'm sure Joe Biden would prefer you know I'm sure he hates Donald Trump he's not happy that he's in the White House, but I do believe there was probably a part of him

Starting point is 00:35:47 that was a little bit vindicated, and he probably cracked a little smirk, and I also think there was a big exhale from Tony Hinchcliffe. I think he was like, and it's funny that, like, I believe the numbers are like, the Latinos, like, never considered not voting for Trump, it seems like, so that never was an issue but there was you know we everyone thought that for maybe a second and if there was

Starting point is 00:36:10 some world where every latino came out of the voting booth being like i was trump up until that stupid joke he would have been so fucked i'm sure he was like whoo dodged a big bullet on that one uh so i don't know yeah i i guess you see what's i think i think also the the like not being at least saying you're not going to like be involved in wars is a big one too people don't like war and at least putting out the message of like we're not going to fuck with other people we need to worry about like in-house but we've got residents of people yeah well i mean that's like like i don't even mean like what is not being i don't like i i feel like we're going to keep fighting in israel we're going to keep fighting in ukraine i don't think well i i think he'll probably try to stop fighting well i mean maybe we're not going to send people but we're going to keep sending money

Starting point is 00:36:59 i could see him being like we're done with Ukraine Maybe Ukraine Israel we're gonna keep fighting Israel for sure Yeah I mean they were saying that Netanyahu like Bet on this like The way he was operating like The past year was basically like Banking on Donald Trump

Starting point is 00:37:18 And then I think like as of like today He started making moves to like be like Now I know that America is going to be on our side. So shit like that. Wait, you mean Putin? No. You mean Netanyahu? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:32 Now he knows America is going to be on their side? Oh, right. I'm thinking of Zelensky. Netanyahu. Yes, yes, yes. So shit like that where it's like – and there's a bunch of people out there who are like, I don't fucking care about Ukraine or Israel. I care about America., I don't fucking care about Ukraine or Israel. I care about like America, but you know,

Starting point is 00:37:48 I don't know. I just said, you better be right on these things. Cause you let, you know, it's like Ukraine's first. And then what's next? Like,

Starting point is 00:37:55 uh, you know, you don't want to be hysterical or dramatic or fear mongering in that direction, but it's just like those, I do, I could see those things happening and people, uh,

Starting point is 00:38:04 we'll turn around one day and be like, like oh maybe that wasn't the right move but for some reason the justin baldoni thing makes me like real like just look at pr and everything differently because like everyone was like fuck justin baldoni and then he got he's the guy with the whole blake lively oh right the director. The director. And then he got this PR crisis management team. Everyone knew that he got it. And then everyone was like, fuck Blake Lively. We saw it coming. We knew that we were going to be swayed.

Starting point is 00:38:36 But it's just PR. It's the ultimate PR campaign. It's the ultimate popularity contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's where you got to get with that. Or maybe you're right, John. I wonder if there is I know a lot of people are like

Starting point is 00:38:52 he's never going to leave the White House. I think that would be pretty far-fetched. No, I think it'll be four years that we're fine. It's more like we have news every day. You could forget Biden existed. Right.

Starting point is 00:39:06 And it was great. For real. Now it's like every day there's something. But do you think that the next person, like, tries to run with the Trump baton like the same way? Because it's like, hey, it worked. Like, let me become. But you can't, like, fake him. I was going to say, I think anyone who tries will fail.

Starting point is 00:39:26 Will fail. He's one of a kind. He is just him. You can't pretend to be him. But he does the dance thing. And people just don't make fun of that. And then when he was grabbing the mic and pretended to suck it.

Starting point is 00:39:42 Didn't Joe Biden pretend to deep throw the microphone? Like, why? I just think it just goes to show that all of those things those are those are minor things but they're still things people were just like we don't care we don't care we don't care because of whatever black and white issue it may be the fact that i think you're right it was a pretty like muddied muddled you you always see that when people do like man on the street shit and they're like okay but like what is the issue the person's like i don't like kamala it's like well tell me no one knows and nobody ever has an answer so that's the point is like stop even focusing on the issues and focus on tricking people into voting for you that's what it is convince people make like equal rights like swaggy

Starting point is 00:40:22 the top is the top stuff yeah that's tough it's a tough stuff yeah that's what i mean i really do believe though like that make america great again slogan as maybe hollow as it might be because it's like when will be great r will be great how are we going to be great like what are the actual answers there it's just something like dumb people can be like yeah where it's hard to be like gender gender reassignment. It's just not it. So what do you think is going – like if you are – I was comparing it to the Yankees winning the World Series. Like when the Yankees win the World Series, I usually like do like a media blackout. Like I just try to avoid any Yankee fans.

Starting point is 00:41:02 I just don't listen to any of the sports talk I listen to. I try to just pretend it didn't happen. Like, if you're one of these podcasts or talking heads or networks or whoever, and you were just, like, dead wrong and, like, what do you do? You're just like, fuck. I mean, I think. I guess you just, you know, started up for 2028. But like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:41:27 It's tough. I was dead wrong. I actually found it easier to be dead wrong once I was officially dead wrong. But also, I woke up this morning. I was like, you were wrong. But it's not your bread and butter. Yeah. I mean, if we were on, if we were a political show and, you know, for months and months

Starting point is 00:41:42 and months, I was like, I don't really think calm was the one. And you were like, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then it just goes wrong. It's like, what do I do now? I don't know anything. Yeah. I mean, I did see Mark Cuban tweeted. He was like, congrats to Donald Trump.

Starting point is 00:41:56 You won fair and square. And like, you know, some other little pleasantry. And it's like. Yeah, I'm rooting for the guy. Yeah, right, right. Well, that's, you know, that's the other thing is like, wonder i do wonder though this this is kind of my point and i think the fact that i'm even going to like think of this as a possibility uh is the problem with the democratic party if you were to put someone like from from you know kamala to the deep deep democratic people

Starting point is 00:42:22 you would put them to a lie detector test then then you would be like, would you prefer that Donald Trump delivers on everything and America is amazing somehow in the next four years or like he fucks it up and you guys were right and he's wrong? I think they would. I think they would like fail that test. Probably. Right. I mean, he he does like that's politics. I mean, he's openly been saying the same where he's like, I hope the economy crashes. Right. But yeah, that is that's politics. I mean he's openly been saying the same where he's like, I hope economy crashes. Right.

Starting point is 00:42:47 But that – yeah. People are – And that is – that's – it's like the same thing that I used to say about Frank. Like you want the team to lose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're rooting for them to lose. You'd rather them lose than you be wrong. And that is what's happening here but just on like the highest level with the highest stakes.

Starting point is 00:43:02 So – but it would be a real – it's a tough day if you're like like you're trying to you got to put out a video today or a article or a think piece and it's just like you know you're just gonna but i think it's i think it's easier i think it's almost freeing to be like i fuck yeah yeah well but i don't know what to tell you but you know what you but you and we and i think we're very much in the minority with the ability to do that i think this is the, all, this is the ultimate time that you got to be like,

Starting point is 00:43:28 and that's what I'm saying about the party. Everyone from the talking heads to the party need to be like, we got to look in the mirror. I don't know. We got to, we got to like drop all of our ego, drop all of our bias and like, just figure this out because clearly we are so fucking wrong,

Starting point is 00:43:45 you know? But people really, really, really lack the ability to do that on, like, minor things. So let alone big things where people make it, like, their whole personality or their whole, you know. I saw somebody say, I texted Greer yesterday. We were stealing it. And my sister sent me a picture of my nephew voting. And I was like, you can lay your hopes down now. We're stealing it again.

Starting point is 00:44:07 And I sent that confidently. I was like, I'm going to fucking revisit this later tonight. I was wrong. All right. So you know what just sucks the most? Elon Musk getting to take a fucking victory lap. It's just the worst, bro. like the worst i don't even what what was going on with him with that million dollar thing i didn't i didn't catch up on that that was i don't i don't

Starting point is 00:44:34 know so he was given a million dollars to what was being proposed as like random people who voted and then when it went to court he was like no this has already been predetermined we're giving it to people who were like were basically like campaigning the hardest was kind of what his his uh defense was and he won that was crazy too like some this thing like came to be in court and like was decided on in like a day really it was like i knew it went to court i did not know it's already been decided yeah well at least what i heard it was like in the middle of the afternoon like pennsylvania the judge ruled like against the injunction or whatever and they were like he's allowed to do this it's like bro getting like a figure out like a parking ticket takes like six

Starting point is 00:45:15 months how the fuck did this get done in like six hours million dollar a day giveaways to voters so yeah so it initially was announced that he would give a million dollars to random voters, but then they said, like, this is blatantly, like, you're rigging it, like, you're not allowed to do that. And then behind the scenes, they were like, no, no, we've picked these people according to, like, the work they've done. But even that seems like, I don't know, you're allowed to do that? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:42 That seems like it should be. It's giving, like, he got a seat at the cool table, and now he's, like, trying to, like, show everyone. Like, guys, look, I'm sitting with them. Oh, for sure, man. Guys, look, I'm sitting with them. Elon's entire existence is, like, I know that I'm smart and did this cool thing in science, but that does not satisfy me.

Starting point is 00:46:05 That doesn't scratch my itch. I need to be the mean lord, the funny guy. You talking about the big story? You got a band-aid on your hand? What the fuck is that, dude? I got a fucking staph infection, dude. Would you rather me just be rolling out here? Wait, so that's under that band-aid

Starting point is 00:46:24 is what it looks like on your dick? Yeah. Oh, wait. Wow. Wait. Really? Yeah. Then you're going to picture it like on my... This is not... This is still... This is still, like, not... It's a lot better, but it was, like, a lot of that. Super underwhelming.

Starting point is 00:46:40 That's just a yellow rash. Well, I mean, I'm saying this is, like, seven days of I was certainly picturing you had a purple penis No You know what I'm just going to take my pants off It was never The penis

Starting point is 00:46:54 That's what I This is exactly what I'm saying You can keep saying it all you want It doesn't fucking matter dude You got a purple dick Imagine this like bigger redder and raw or just like all over the inside of my leg and then like creeping up closer it was it looked like um i thought purple for sure purple yeah on the dick i thought i would love for you to draw a picture of what you thought my dick because when you were

Starting point is 00:47:21 like get out like crayons and shit and draw it i. I remember asking you like, has anyone seen it? And you're like, no, no one's ever seen this. Like I'm never taking my pants off for a month, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh. It was that bad. I'm not exaggerating. If you saw it – bro, I took my pants off in front of a doctor and she said, go to the ER right now. I'm not lying.

Starting point is 00:47:39 But like that's just like – that looks to me like standard red rash. Like I was thinking it was something like no okay in that world in that sense it was like a red a red rash but it just was like very intense and everywhere but not my dick you can make fun of my groin for the rest of my life you can call me like ugly groin grundle boy boy, whatever. My dick was fine. I did not even like consider the ramifications of just talking about that like willy nilly. Like a lot of people like extended family, friends, people like hitting up being like, so does Kevin have genital herpes? Like do I need to worry about this? They make you like their champion because you like talk about it openly.

Starting point is 00:48:29 Imagine that. What would that, how much, how much for you to be like the open like i got herpes guy is it healing at all yeah yeah yeah i mean i'm in much this the problem the only reason i have this is because it's right on the crease it's like every time i move yeah um but i mean i'm they put me on two different antibiotics and a steroid cream it was it was a fucking nightmare like i'd rather be in pain than like itch and uncomfortable you know what i mean i'd rather be like in agony than that i was just sitting here like even when i was here doing the show the whole time i was always like i gotta get the fuck out of here i gotta get the fuck out of here really it was like showering like 10 times a day wrapping it up like a fucking mummy it was just like i don't do well with that shit at all my dad was telling me um he so my dad was a merchant marine and so like they would

Starting point is 00:49:12 they go out on um out on the ship for like months at a time and they're obviously living in like disgusting like a bunch of like college kids living on a small boat ship like living in in bunks together and his one buddy got crabs and would he was sleeping on the bunk above him and he said he would throw them at him from down on the bunk he got one throw it at you like picking little and he said that he uh took a shower in diesel oil to try to like kill it all off and said like his body and the bunk just smelled like diesel oil for like six straight months so uh yeah i mean it was uh it's not great it's not great but i'm almost back and i don't have herpes and i don't have std but a lot of people thought that and i

Starting point is 00:50:05 can understand why um how about the uh the biggest drop of the year uh the biggest drop the smallest man i have not heard it yet oh no no uh it's pretty good is it good like dave well uh i people said to me like dave really like improved since the last time I think it's about the same I was not I was it's the same this is one of those things where like I know

Starting point is 00:50:30 it all comes with Brianna's blessing and all that stuff I just always feel weird like obviously I didn't participate but just hearing about co-workers relationships

Starting point is 00:50:39 and stuff like that yeah I'm always like well I always try to stay out of anybody's business yeah but it's also it is it's like I don't know the floodgates are now open and just be like i don't know fuck that guy oh yeah no fuck fuck i did not know that he's tiny i would have guessed he wasn't

Starting point is 00:50:54 very big they they i i stopped listening to zach bryan once they started dating and i never got back on the train i thought maybe when they broke up i might get back and i didn't well speaking of crabs that's a big focal point of this is that apparently he's got a dirty dick and spread some things around. That's where if I were Bree, I'd be like, do we have to make the whole point? Yeah, at one point does this kind of start to look like an L for me.

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Starting point is 00:53:29 or talking about some of these characters and the media and what not we were watching Speak No Evil

Starting point is 00:53:40 yeah have you guys seen Speak No Evil the movie very good so fucking good James Mc mackaboy and is like it's in like it's like a psychological murder thriller and he said that for his character who was like completely and totally unhinged that he used andrew tate as his like inspiration

Starting point is 00:53:59 and which is a tough if you when you watch the movie and you see how Like I do not want to defend Andrew Tate in any way But if someone said like Oh I was like Using KFC As my inspiration And then you see What he does

Starting point is 00:54:11 In this fucking movie He'd be like Whoa whoa whoa Yeah but also like When you look at the movie You see where It goes from Tate To just a murderer

Starting point is 00:54:20 Right Like I don't think he used Tate For the inspiration When he needed to like Start killing people Yeah But it's the rest of the movie tate for the inspiration when he needed to like start killing people yeah it's like the rest of it where he's acting like a total asshole yeah like it's not even it was it's it's so the movie that was pretty interesting

Starting point is 00:54:32 because it is so clearly it's a family raised on right-wing media not family a couple raised on right-wing media and then a family raised on left-wing media because there's like mcavoy's character is like preaching how you know modern medicine is a scam which i took to be anti-vaxxing uh oh this is interesting i i mean i see where you're going but i didn't as i was watching it i was not thinking about politics hugely pushing cold plunging like like yeah yeah there was one other thing where it was like oh that's like a right-wing guy thing it was it was anti-vaxxing cold plunging and there was one other thing where it was like, oh, that's like a right wing guy thing. It was anti-vaxxing, cold plunging. And there was one other one where it's like, okay, that's the right wing inspiration. And then they made the dad look like such a pussy.

Starting point is 00:55:12 The left wing family where they have like one of the son is non-binary and the daughter. I'm sorry, not non-binary, non-verbal. And the daughter is like. I'm so happy you clarified. I missed this. But the daughter is telling her parents she's like there's something wrong with him yeah and they're like no baby you can't say that right but she knows like she's not saying that she's not saying that's what's wrong with him she's saying there's

Starting point is 00:55:34 something fucking wrong with him deeper and they're being so like liberal it's like no we can't talk like that babe yeah and then that the the dad in the movie is like the biggest fucking beta cock, libtard, whatever you want to call it. Like that is a caricature of like being as weak as humanly possible. Right. But I also thought it was interesting that he was swayed to like him. Like he is a very weak man. And that guy, he was defending that guy a lot.

Starting point is 00:56:04 He was always the one who was like, no, babe, let's just stay. Yeah. Right weak man and that guy he was defending that guy a lot he was always the one who was like no babe let's just stay yeah yeah yeah right he liked that guy he he well but i i think that kind of makes sense no that like you like it's like almost like everything that he's not or right no of course of course yeah yeah no it makes perfect it makes sense but it was like oh he's so inadequate right that he sees this man being a man oh it was like when they were just like screaming and like primal hunting and stuff like that i saw more rogan than tate yeah well at least you know what i know of rogan and the the views he espouses again until he turned into a total psycho but like yeah the cold plunging the not vaxxing the hunting right

Starting point is 00:56:40 the the primal screams and stuff like that yeah um but But the – fuck, what was I just going to say? At the end when she's like – she's just grabbing by his face and she's like, your family just fucking needs you. Just be a man right now. That was as like on the nose as it can be where it's like he's like in a catatonic state. Yeah. And the mother needs to like slap some sense into him. I wonder like who directed it and who like – clearly there's – yeah, there's a lot of those issues very much implanted and imprinted on that movie yeah it's like you either feel this way or are this or you have some issues with this or

Starting point is 00:57:14 whatever but it all of that aside like just from the point of view of just like a scary movie with a creepy plot and all that it is fucking I thought it was like stupendous McAvoy by the way huge he's always been huge he's always huge and every time he's huge people are like he's big he's always big he was big but then there's a scene where he puts on

Starting point is 00:57:37 like he comes out in a tank top a wife beater and I was like did he get bigger from like the first scene of the movie he was fucking enormous he is my pick has he what's his what's his resume like like I know him from like split and um he's an x-man I forget who he is yeah I think he's my pick for like he's gonna win an oscar he's to make a jump from like the – That's certainly not a crazy pick.

Starting point is 00:58:08 Okay, okay. I wasn't sure if he's like regarded as such yet because that guy can act like a motherfucker. He's just been doing like Mr. Glass and fucking M. Night Shyamalan. I mean in Split he plays nine roles. He's like Eddie Murphy and fucking – But like Split is such a great example of like because it's a movie – That one is tied to the Mr. West thing at the end, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:28 So because it's like more – not superhero but like in that realm, I think it doesn't get the respect. If that was just a movie about like mental health and this guy plays nine characters, he would have won the Oscar for sure. But I think once he gets like the right director, right role, whatever, he is a fucking monster in front of the camera, dude. So, so good. Who is he in X-Men? Oh, is he young Dr. X? Is that Dr. X? Professor.

Starting point is 00:58:55 Professor X? Yeah, I think he is. Young Professor X before he's paralyzed. So I knew he was walking in it, but I did think he was Professor X. Right. in it but i did think he was professor x right oh and then the other thing um john said this before but lioness is the show with zoe zoe saldana being uh like like a off the grid special operative in in the middle east is so fucking good so i i would put up the premiere, season one, episode one of Lioness as maybe the best premiere I've ever seen up there with. Is it on Fubo? No, it's on Paramount.

Starting point is 00:59:33 Yeah, it's on Paramount. There's a couple other ones. I know The Night Of, I always say is a great premiere. There was one recently that I really put up there on the list as well. One thing I love about the Lioness poster is Nicole Kidman's in it a little more, but they also pretty prominently feature Morgan Freeman. Where is he? I was going to say,

Starting point is 00:59:55 I'm like over halfway through season one and I have not seen him. Nicole Kidman's in it. She's in it, but she's only on, if her character was played by a regular person, they wouldn't be on the poster. Correct. She's on it.

Starting point is 01:00:08 Yeah, yeah. But you're paying Nicole Kidman for the marketing. Dude, the whole thing is great. The main plot with Zoe Zaldana and the girl, her operative, the husband having the role of the doctor for the pediatric cancer, the daughter being just a fucking asshole and i mean

Starting point is 01:00:26 it is i was as as as impressed with that as i've been with a tv show in a long fucking time dude while while we're doing tv it is it linus is unbelievable it's it's great i was texting you last night that like when it first because it you know it's kind of i i like shoot them up action stuff yeah and and people kind of make fun of me not really but like you're fast if you're like yeah i don't know it's fucking awesome shit just blows up and like they do cool shit like lioness is kind of like that well i will say this when i the first 10 15 minutes of the premiere i was like the budget on this tv show must be through the fucking yeah because they got helicopters and uh soldiers and drones and explosions you're watching

Starting point is 01:01:05 like a blockbuster movie but it's a television show yeah and i kept the first few episodes i was like it's really good like it's a lot of fun or like it's a guilty pleasure and finally by like episode five or six i was like all right i'm just gonna say lioness is fucking awesome i think it's great i really yeah i would not i would not qualify it as those things or put a disclaimer on it. I think it is like, I mean, the second season just came out? I think so. I think that's why. There are definitely posters currently up for the second season. I don't know if that means it's out yet or if it's coming out.

Starting point is 01:01:36 As far as like halfway through season one, I could not like co-sign it enough. I think it is really, really, really good. And it came on. I wasn't going to. I've seen posters. I heard you talk about it. It really didn't jump out at me. But it autoplayed after I finished the latest episode of From on MGM.

Starting point is 01:01:55 And so I just kept going with it. And I was like, oh, I'm fucking hooked on this. Dude, can I talk about fucking autoplay for a second? Yeah. I was watching i don't know some bullshit rom-com light movie i put on like to fall asleep to this is probably a week and a half ago two weeks ago fell asleep halfway through the movie you know you put it on somebody i know i'm gonna fall asleep put it on fall asleep i was watching on prime so it's

Starting point is 01:02:19 prime is a new autoplayer someone started autoplaylaying. I woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning. Terrifier was on. People just screaming. People getting chopped with a chainsaw. I was like, I fell asleep watching The Proposal. How the fuck can you go from that to Terrifier? Like, you got to keep it in the same genre. I don't even know what that is, but the fact that it's named Terrifier. It's, like, considered, like, one of the, like, more grotesque, like, slasher movies. What's that? It's, like, one of the like more grotesque like people people

Starting point is 01:02:46 Yeah, what's that? It's like a huge cult following it was like made for really really cheap And I think that's why it has such a cult following now up to terrifier 3m3 It was terrified to because now I can't get it off my fucking it's on my prime the algorithm you fuck But no it's like it's like continue watching. I stopped watching it oh that is terrifying and wow and now it's just like every time i log into primaries right i don't know how to get it off other than watch the rest of it is it how do i get it off my continue watching that guy that actually looks scary yeah like is it good or bad i just the screams just woke me up and i turned off the tv i don't i'm always interested in how to make new monsters and

Starting point is 01:03:27 make things look scary and not cheesy you know what I mean we're currently in a the golden era for clicking noises everything clicks now you're watching The Last of Us you're watching Quiet Place

Starting point is 01:03:44 every monster is silent and clicky. Oh, my God. I'm just thinking of the guy. Yeah, your boy. But the show From on MGM, which is we have an interview today with Harold Perrineau, who is Michael from Lost, and now he's Boyd, the main character of From, these things come out at night, and they are monsters, but they also just look like there's, like, an old woman in a white dress and, like, a little girl and, like, her best friend,

Starting point is 01:04:17 and they just are, like, really creepy, and they stare, and they just walk, and it's like, and then they, like they like you know rip your fucking face off but I almost find them scarier when it's just like a little girl holding hands with like her friend slowly walking at you and yeah like what the fuck is that uncanny valley like effect

Starting point is 01:04:38 yeah yeah I'd rather like okay a big monster with like huge teeth I get it as opposed to like these from is very cool. From is scratching my itch for a Lost-type show, which is very fitting that he's in it, Harold, because he obviously

Starting point is 01:04:54 was one of the stars of Lost. And I think this will be the first show where they... This is the first show that I think was a sci-fi way out there completely like original type of wacky idea that they made knowing that they cannot be they cannot fuck this up like lost yeah i think there's been enough of lost and game of thrones and soprano endings that's like you almost have to have your ending first.

Starting point is 01:05:25 But you know what? We didn't get into this with Michael. I'm sorry with Ronald. Harold. We didn't get into this with Harold. But like I almost feel like we actually kind of did off air afterwards. So much pressure is put on an ending.

Starting point is 01:05:41 But most stories just end. You know what i mean like i'm telling you a story like some crazy fucking night and i was like yeah and then we went to bed yeah like there's not like the end is not the story the story is the story you know like at the end i feel like with tv we put this impetus on it where it's gotta have this great ending but like i think of like stories i like to tell they all just end with like and then it just ended yeah but then write it in a way of like like lost and this show from is a what is this thing you know i mean i do that's what like some of the movies kind of like a quiet place is

Starting point is 01:06:18 just like fucking aliens monsters just showed up we're fucked you know because we probably wouldn't be able to figure out where they came from or how it happened. But when you do some of these – oh, yeah. Go back a minute. There was like a creepy old woman at your window. Oh, that scares me way, way more. I remember that. Because you recommended this show to me a long time ago.

Starting point is 01:06:39 I did watch like probably four or five episodes and it kind of fell off. But I remember that scaring the fuck out of me. Yep. And the whole thing is they can't get into your house at night if you don't it's like a vampire type thing you can't fight them dude now that i'm watching again i did fuck with it it was just like no it's there's so many shows now i know that's what you actually say in the interview we're in the golden age of television i disagree with that i don't think we are anymore because it's just too much 10 years ago it was like there's it's just over the top when it was like break breaking bad sopranos mad men were like the top and then you were watching a couple others now it's just too much and you have like everyone but i've also figured out i

Starting point is 01:07:16 i've paired out i've paired off a lot like i i will try a show and i no longer like in the beginning back like 10 years ago i think it was worth it to push through a show if you weren't enjoying the first few episodes now i'm like i don't think it is yeah if you don't like it you don't like it i just bailed officially i bailed on disclaimer i was so you recommended it and i tried it and it wasn't it wasn't doing it for me and i was like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do this i did four episodes maybe five officially i wish more people watched it so i could talk about i i i don't I'm not going to do this myself. I did four episodes, maybe five officially. I wish more people watched it so I could talk about it. I'm not like, eh, it's good, but I'm done.

Starting point is 01:07:49 I hate this fucking show. I thought the way that you described it to me and then the way that it started was just like so – maybe they eventually get more to what you were talking about. But in the very beginning, it's just like the guys at the school and the – I was just like, am i watching the right thing because what i had read about it when i heard from you was like this is not just not it was a very slow start i'll say that and i was just like i'm not i'm watching from now i'm into lioness like i have two or three that i'm watching at once and like that's it you know dude can you go to actually

Starting point is 01:08:19 i'll pull it up the uh so disclaimers on apple tv um and i was i was just scrolling apple tv the other day excuse me that was disgusting before before i started watching it and i i know this is a very common thing like people about the the stars on apple and how they don't promote and all that stuff which i actually like now i'm just starting to think they're kind of doing like they're kind of making a point like we're going to be the hbo of streamers which i know hbo does stream but like back when hbo was premium cable and there was just regular cable like everything they do has a massive massive name attached to it like i was i was looking through their tv charts and they had the top

Starting point is 01:09:05 25 shows currently on so shrinking number one jason siegel harrison ford disclaimer to kate blanchett sasha baron cohen kevin klein ted lasso three jason jason sudakis four slow horses gary oldman five before billy crystal six bad monkey vince Vaughn. Seven, Silo, Rebecca Ferguson. Eight, You Would Do It Too, I Don't Know That One. Nine, Bad Sisters, that's like kind of ensemble cast. Morning Show has fucking everybody. Ten, The Morning Show, everyone. Eleven, Severance, Adam Scott, a bunch of people.

Starting point is 01:09:36 Twelve, Jake Gyllenhaal, Presumed Innocent. Thirteen, Lute, Maya Rudolph. Fourteen, The TV Show, I Don't Know. Fifteen, Servant, I Don't Know. Sixteen, For All My Kinds of Love. Servant is from M. Night Shyamalan, though. So maybe not the actors. It's got Ron Weasley from Harry Potter.

Starting point is 01:09:50 Right. But it's written by Shyamalan, so that's a big one. The Dark Matter, Sam Worthington. Pachinko, I don't know. 19, Foundation was... Who was Foundation? Oh, it's the dude from... Jared Harris from Chernobyl.

Starting point is 01:10:07 He's a British actor, but he's a big name. And then Palm Royal is everybody. Palm Royal. That didn't do better. Then 24, Jason Momoa. So this is what I was going to say. Everything is a massive name. But yet I would say – okay, go back to that list for me.

Starting point is 01:10:27 Like Severance is – I don't personally like like it but that's a very successful show so like i gotta go to it's awesome so severance i can't believe you don't like it it's so sci-fi i know i'm surprised i gotta give it another shot i i didn't dislike it but i you should give it another shot yeah the the it's only it's nine episodes i probably didn't start liking it until three. I know we just said don't do this. But then from three to nine, it was like this is the greatest television I've ever seen. I was about to say that. I was about to contradict myself because I do – I love Presumed Innocent. I like The Morning Show.

Starting point is 01:10:57 Silo is awesome. Slow Horses is awesome. So I was about to say despite all these big names, that Apple TV is not really thriving. But I think they're making – I don't know if they're thriving, but they are making good shows. I don't know what the ratings and the signups and the awards are. It feels like some of these – I know for a fact. For All Mankind is fucking incredible. Totally under the radar.

Starting point is 01:11:18 Silo is a great sci-fi thing. Totally under the radar. Presumed Innocent I'm sure did well, but was great. I think The Morning Show was their big thing, and I think everybody did watch that. But I don't know if a lot of people are watching Slow Horses. I don't know what's going on with – But that's why I'm saying it's like a slow play. Oh, so you're thinking it's going to be a point where people just turn around and they go, holy fucking shit.

Starting point is 01:11:39 But it's just like it just becomes ingrained in you that you don't even know what shows they have, but you know – But you know it's small. If it's on HBO, it's a good show. Yeah. And it's kind of like that with Apple. But you think that? I think if you were to describe these streaming services in one sentence, people would say Apple TV does not promote their shows. That's like their thing right now.

Starting point is 01:12:01 That's their thing, but you know those shows are good. Sorry. And I think that almost becomes a promotion in and of itself right we don't we don't we just make good shows like you know netflix shows basically stink yeah like they're but there was a time where it was like you gotta watch the next netflix show yeah but that was a fleeting time like i only think of netflix as having like no i mean they had stranger things squid games ozark was a big one ozark house of Yeah, they had a moment. They had a moment, for sure. But then they also spiraled out of fucking control and made everything.

Starting point is 01:12:28 And it was like, well, that one sucked, and that one sucked, and that one sucked. And now it's about 50-50, where it's like the hit rate is probably half. It feels like streaming services are falling into their roles as channels. Yeah. Netflix is like, all right, we're like TNT. And Apple's like, we're fucking HBO. I don't know quite what Hulu is. Hulu's doing the live TV stuff and reality more.

Starting point is 01:12:50 The only thing we need is a back button. Yeah. That jumps from... If you're trying to watch two different things on two different streaming services, it fucking sucks. You need to be able to hit a button that will send you from Prime. Wednesday, Dommer. Yeah, no, I mean, Netflix does. They're not like, you don't.

Starting point is 01:13:07 Netflix has the shows where you're like, again, kind of like TNT or something like that. You're not like, it's not great, but boy, is it enjoyable. Yeah. I mean, we've done this kind of shit before. If you were like, if you had to draft a streaming service if you could only get one what would it be i've recently been loving my paramount subscription because i started for the olympics and then i was like well while i buy this oh sorry peacock no peacock is good but peacock paramount kind of is in peacock right no paramount is an officer to cbs peacock

Starting point is 01:13:45 is the office and then now wait what else was it i forget let's see peacock has peacock it's got a ton of reality yeah oh love island usa yeah that was a big one I know they had – I think they had the Fresh Prince spin-off was on Peacock. I do think when you look at, like, the number – the list, like, Netflix does have the most. Oh, for sure. You know? But HBO Max had a run for a minute there that's way up there on my list. I remember thinking HBO Max is like early on, I was like, Max is going to

Starting point is 01:14:28 kill it. I think they're pretty solid. Prime is just like everything, right? If you want to pay for it, you can get it on Prime. Which is what I use the most. I watch a movie or two every night. I always buy them. I didn't realize people don't do that.

Starting point is 01:14:45 I do that too. I know we've talked about it a lot like i was talking like ken jack ken jack's no i won't buy it what are you talking about your whole life is movies to me if you like if you pull up a movie and you're not you want and you want to watch it and you don't watch it and you think to like, in three months this will be available for free on streaming on this. I think that's crazy. Maybe that makes me sound like some fucking liberal, out-of-touch Democrat who doesn't resonate with middle America. But, like, if you want to pay, like, anywhere from $5 to, like, $20, depending on if you're renting it or buying it for a movie that's crazy to me unless you are on a tight budget bro i'm just like this will make me happy so i'm gonna

Starting point is 01:15:30 like my parents won't do it i get older people don't yeah but like people might like to be clear fair for the ken jack he didn't say he never buys it but he will be like ah never mind this yeah i mean sometimes i see that like movies it's funny which ones are like, like, $18.99 and then sometimes it's $25.99. Yeah. It's like, why the fuck is this one $26? And that is a big price to watch one movie. But it's also cheaper than if you were going to the movies. Going to the movies.

Starting point is 01:15:56 That's what I mean. Like, movies are things that you have to pay for, whether you're at your house or at the theater. So, I mean, that to me is... Wait, is The Substance out? Substance was great. What is Mubi? I don't know what Mubi is, but... What day? Tuesday?

Starting point is 01:16:16 No, today's Wednesday. What is Mubi? It's got to be like Tubi. Tubi for men? Men Mubi? It's so funny. I think it's so funny how it's Mubi and Hulu and all these futuristic-sounding names, and I think it's kind of lame how they all sound the same.

Starting point is 01:16:31 But then at the same time, CBS, ABC, NBC, TNT. They are all named after the era they were in. HBO Max dropping HBO was, I thought, crazy. Maybe that's just like a studio production thing they had to do it but like if that's me I want HBO on the fucking I'll drop Max before I drop HBO right I don't

Starting point is 01:16:54 know if they were like not allowed to because they had other other studios in there or whatever but there certainly is a fucking lot I'll say that much you're right that there's probably a little too much. But if you can parse through it and find the ones you want,

Starting point is 01:17:08 there's more than ever. So it's kind of like pick and choose what you want. Same thing with the internet. When people are like, oh my God, there's so many influencers and so much trash out there.

Starting point is 01:17:18 It's like, well, just don't fucking watch those ones. I've been getting into the YouTuber game for some reason. Have you? Vlogs. Yeah. With who? Just like random people. They'll do like day in the life's interesting like not like major people no not

Starting point is 01:17:32 really any nobody that you guys would know but that's my new thing also like you're just like like kind of like get ready with me and shit like that like just like here's my week in new york and it's honestly like people who like it's kind of sad because it's like my age and they have like giant apartments and I'm just like, okay, that honestly could be me. I was going to say, so you're telling me that,

Starting point is 01:17:51 you know, like young people just documenting like what they're doing and living is you're, you're watching that, huh? That's a good product. It's, I feel like it's so unlike,

Starting point is 01:18:00 yeah, I don't know. Maybe you should. No, no, but I'm not, I'm not like aesthetic. Like I would never, people wouldn't want to watch like me go to my like Midtown apartment. No, but I'm not like aesthetic. Like I would never.

Starting point is 01:18:05 People wouldn't want to watch me go to my midtown apartment. Oh, I disagree. Do whatever. I think people would love to watch like a chaotic life in the week in the life of Jack. Actually, speaking of chaos, when I saw you on the street the other day, was that on your walk back from like Pilates or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were sweaty. I could kind of see it in your eyes you're like what is going

Starting point is 01:18:26 on with her and then like and like i i also just said i had like so much um pre-workout beforehand too so i was like so sick and it was like the hardest workout of my life anyways and then i was like wow i like really hope i don't run into anyone i know and then i looked up and then you were um and then and then I ran into the cute boy in my building which is like the one time that I need to not run into him

Starting point is 01:18:49 Yeah If he saw what I saw he's like that bitch is sweaty I was sweaty Were you in an Italian meat sweatshirt? You were in full black

Starting point is 01:18:58 full black sweats No It was like an Adidas It was giving Italian meat sweatshirt Did you say anything to the boy? I just Every time I just say the oddest things It was like an Adidas. It was giving Italian meat suchers. Did you say anything to the boy? Every time I just say the oddest things.

Starting point is 01:19:10 What did you say this time? I was like, I don't really say anything, but I was just kind of like, hey. Oh, I was like, because he was, oh, my God. He was returning. This was actually before, but he was returning Amazon packages. And I was like, oh, how do you return on Amazon? why would i ask that like i think that's a fair i think you should judge him for returning amazon you buy something on amazon he actually like every time i see him he's always returning amazon so now it's like okay you're the weirdo if you're returning amazon shit that's

Starting point is 01:19:40 crazy yeah i i i mean i tend to agree but i'm a wasteful asshole if you like buy something it doesn't fit you he's but like i i don't i honestly wouldn't even know i i don't i'm not a big amazon but you don't buy shit on the internet i just have most people buy everything on the internet and then if it's no that's why i don't buy shit on the internet because i'm like it gets here i'm like it doesn't fit me right but so if you did that by the way speaking of buying stuff i bought a jacket oh yeah you've been talking about this jacket yeah well once it starts being 80 degrees in november i'll wear it i know i just my uh my splurge jacket i wore the other day and everybody was complimenting it and then i wanted to put it on today and it was like it's fucking

Starting point is 01:20:18 80 degrees i'm in a sweater it's too hot it's november i don't even have a guess november 6th fiji do you guys see that? What was that? Mount Fiji doesn't have snow for the first time. That's kind of freaking me out a little bit. Yeah, global warming, bro. Donald Trump's going to fix it, though. Yeah, Mount Fiji got no snow the entire month of

Starting point is 01:20:38 October for the first time ever. Nice. This is a complete topic change, but I got Domino's the other night. What's your order? Cheesy bread? I go medium, well-done, pepperoni bacon, cheesy bread, brownie cookies. Pretty much perfect.

Starting point is 01:20:56 But I also get sauces with my pizzas to dip. And I realize one of the most fat kid things i know but like i know i know this like i know breathing it's just so easy i don't it's you gotta dip the pizza into the blue cheese first okay and then the buffalo yeah how do i just know that wait i don't know but i i mean i didn't i knew it bro i didn't – Like I knew you were going buffalo chicken. As soon as you started talking about dipping, that could have been anything. It could have been barbecue.

Starting point is 01:21:30 It could have been – I knew in your head you were going buffalo and with the sauce. If you go into the buffalo first, the oils reject the cheese. It's like putting oil and water together because the buffalo is a little too watery. Yeah. But what you do is it's almost like putting glue on your pizza. Okay.

Starting point is 01:21:48 So you know – Totally. As I was doing that, I was like, this is so fucking gross that you just know this. Oh, just innate. Engrained in you. You're like, yeah, there it is. Yeah. But then I – like the scientist that I am was like, well, why do I know this?

Starting point is 01:22:00 What happens with the opposite? And I did the – I went buffalo into blue cheese and the blue cheese all just fell right off. I was like, I'm sure at some point in my life I didn't know it, but now I just know it. Also, you know what's the thing? I thought to myself, let me just pre-mix it. Nope, that doesn't work either. Yeah, they'll probably push it away.

Starting point is 01:22:16 And it also just doesn't... I think the ranch kind of cancels out the spicy. You need the spicy by of like by itself. The buffalo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you mix it up, you lose the buffalo. Right, right.

Starting point is 01:22:31 So you got to – you would think I'm mixing it all up in my mouth. Nope, nope. You got to dip in that one and then that one. It's like when you put your mouth in peanut butter. You just take the peanut butter. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the – but like the blue cheese will grab it and hold on.

Starting point is 01:22:42 It's a canvas. And then the buffalo is a paint. Yeah. Wow. You. Wow. You are cool. I'll tell you what I'm getting for dinner tonight. Oh, man. Cheesy bread is just so fucking good.

Starting point is 01:22:53 It is kind of crazy that our brains operate like genius mathematicians. If you throw something at me, I'm technically calculating the speed and velocity and whatever to dodge it. And you're doing that with a blue cheese and everything. You're calculating all that shit in your head. Wait, are you saying that our genius in food is comparable to your genius in

Starting point is 01:23:11 dodging things that are thrown at you? I get what... I think you are. We are making calculations all the time. I'm trying to make your roast pizza blue cheese habits smart we already know this i swiped get a new slant

Starting point is 01:23:34 yeah dude the the the dominoes cheesy bread with all the dips all the sauces and then the the lava cakes, bro. I was always a huge lava cake guy, but I've recently switched to the brownie cookie. Brownie cookie is fine too. But the lava cakes are something that if you put that at like a Michelin star restaurant, people would be like, oh, my God, it's amazing. Invented by accident. Really? Yep.

Starting point is 01:24:00 How so? It was, I believe, a French chef was making cakes, obviously smaller cakes, for a huge party. And he did not calculate the temperature change from putting tons of them in the oven. So he obviously didn't open the cake. He just put them all out like they were normal. And everyone was like, what the fuck is this? And then he had to go back and kind of reverse engineer it to, I believe it was a Michelin chef, obviously. It's penicillin and lava. The world's greatest mistakes.

Starting point is 01:24:37 Okay, so I misspoke. His name is Jean Georges Van Gershen. American chef. That's not my fault. That's crazy. That's crazy. That guy deserves all sorts of credit. Jean Georges Van Gershen. American chef. That's not my fault. That's crazy. That's crazy. That guy deserves all sorts of credit.

Starting point is 01:24:53 He is an accidental genius. Jean Georges Van Gershen. Accidentally overcooked a chocolate sponge cake and discovered the runny center, which he then intentionally replicated. Yep. Isn't it great when people say people say like what a time to be alive like we were alive for the invention of the lava cave nah 87 yeah so nope not yet not me wow young bitch i was born a year later 88 yeah but Yeah. But you're living, like, through the era. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:25 You know what I mean? Like, there's just a bunch of people. Every other generation prior never got to enjoy a lava cake. So you always got to cherish. Even in Donald Trump's America, bro, you can go get yourself a lava cake. All right, let's do some voicemails. All right. Good to go?

Starting point is 01:25:43 All right, we're going to get into our voicemails. First up, though, it's ugly some voicemails Alright, we're gonna get into our voicemails First up though It's ugly sweater season Officially on sale at Barstool I got two this year Two most important I think the two most important things On the internet this year

Starting point is 01:25:57 Grimace and Haktua Nice Did you actually know? I didn't know All I want for Christmas is Haktua. Nice. Did you actually know? Yeah, I didn't know. All I want for Christmas is Haktua and Grimace for all my Mets fans out there. Grimace I did know. Yeah, this is unbelievable. One last time.

Starting point is 01:26:18 You know, we got to move on from, oh, my God, we got to move on from Grimace. You can't try to capture the magic next season. But this Christmas is attached to this baseball season. So if you're a Met fan, you've got to go get your Grimace. Get that big fucking butt plug on your sweatshirt. What's funny is I should probably have the butt plug on this one. You want to wear your butt plug sweater or your sweater about spitting on dicks. I got you covered.

Starting point is 01:26:48 So go get that. They're on sale right now. I believe they're on sale. Are they 20% off? Or are they just on sale? I don't know. Either way, go get your ugly sweaters. Order them now so you can get them in time for all your Christmas parties.

Starting point is 01:27:01 It's crazy. It's the holiday season. They're on sale? I thought we always did it Black Friday. It was the one where they went. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy that, I mean, it's like it's the holiday season. They're on sale? I thought we always did it Black Friday was where they went. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. I mean, Mariah Carey, the day of Halloween, she

Starting point is 01:27:13 that bitch is probably gonna keep pushing, like, I think they're gonna do All I Want for Christmas is You in, like, August soon. It was, um, did you see, like see the video she made? It looked like she was doing a Halloween costume.

Starting point is 01:27:31 She was Morticia and somebody was Gomez Adams from the Adams family. And then she like at the end, it's like the Wizard of Oz when it turns into color TV. At the end, it swipes and she starts singing

Starting point is 01:27:44 All I Want for Christmas is You. On fucking that fucking halloween is the second best holiday so the disrespect gets no respect it is far and away the second best holiday i think personally i it's also july is great too but it's christmas thanksgiving one two no question to me thanksgiving itself i'm not a huge like eat until I fucking pop sort of guy. I like the food, but I have just a normal plate of food at Thanksgiving and then some leftovers. Yeah, I have a normal plate of food. I have it seven times. I was going to say, yeah, you go back seven times.

Starting point is 01:28:17 But to me, it's also more the atmosphere. Thanksgiving ushers in the holiday season. Yeah, right. It's like your starter and then Christmas is the closer. It also is like... But I guess they're trying to transfer that to Halloween now.

Starting point is 01:28:36 Halloween's like preseason. Halloween's preseason. The summer, you just don't even need holidays. Yes, the Fourth of July is fun, but I can do that on any day. I don't even need a holiday. Winter, you need more reasons to come together and reasons to get excited about stuff yes yes it's christmas one thanksgiving too and christmas honestly if it keeps getting warmer and we stop snowing on christmas i might fucking flip and put thanksgiving one

Starting point is 01:28:59 because i don't like getting presents. You're a broken man. I do like, I actually recently have become, probably in the last year or two, like, the guy who I'm like, I love giving presents. I do not like getting them. Well. I know that's, like, a weird thing. I know, like, when I was younger, I couldn't fathom, I couldn't pot, like, understand that idea. Yeah, the gift of giving. It's like, no, give me a fucking Nintendo 64, bro.

Starting point is 01:29:27 Do you just not like having to react? Exactly, yeah. I do like seeing how someone sees me. I'll say this. So you mean if you nail the gift, it's like, wow, you really thought this is what I want, huh? My mom and my brother will always get me stuff where I'm like, oh, I wouldn't have bought that for me, but it is cool. I don't know if I can pull it off. Like if you're getting it for me, you think I can.

Starting point is 01:29:48 That's the best part about getting gifts as an adult is it pushes you out of like your comfort zone a little bit. Yeah. The like gift giving is when you – once you have kids, man, oh my god. I actually don't know if it's better or worse it's like part of me is like it's amazing to like watch them have christmas but then part of me is like a bunch of all this shit you're playing with one of them you don't even remember that like there's a bunch of shit i'm probably just gonna rewrap and it's because they never even fucking opened up you know so it's like who you're giving to i think really really matters a lot as well but uh i i do think gift receiving for guys is

Starting point is 01:30:28 a little bit weird because i do think we get shafted like i don't think i i think it's pretty rare that a guy will get like something he really wants yeah i don't know like most of my life i i can like most of my life i've got what when i was a kid i would get what I want. As an adult, it's pretty rare. That's because I stopped getting what I wanted when I stopped wanting for things. There's nothing I want. That's part of the problem too.

Starting point is 01:30:53 But it's like a girl, you can always just go with the fastball right down the middle. You can get jewelry. You can get clothes. You can get high heels, bags, whatever. I feel like guys kind of have different tastes. And then like if – most of the time they don't – we don't speak about it or tell anybody and people don't guess right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it's not a –

Starting point is 01:31:14 What would you like – like if somebody were to give you a gift right now that's like – that would make you happy though? It would honestly be – there's nothing I want. Like I really – like I don't really want things. But I also think what you just said. Like I just went and bought a jacket that I really, really wanted, and it was very expensive, and I just splurged, and I got it, and I wanted it, and I'm happy. I would not want someone to do that for me.

Starting point is 01:31:35 No, I would want something – It's too much like – I'll get what I need to get for myself. I would want something where you're like, I don't think John would get this for himself but john would like this or yeah i don't think john it's something you like i wouldn't buy like if you see such shirt and you're like oh john would love that don't get that from me get something where you're like john would not get that and i think yeah i think he'll like it that's what i like but i don't think most people put enough thought like that into it right you know what i mean that's where it's like yeah

Starting point is 01:32:02 you just get like the father's the same Father's Day gift like every year. No one's even considering that you might have some different tastes. That's the fun of gift giving is like trying to find something for someone that they would not get themselves, but you think they will like or will rock or whatever, and then being like, dude, this is the person you are. You just don't see it yet. Should we do a KFC Radio Secret Stand again? Should we? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:32:26 I think we should do... I mean, I know last year you did the whole office, and we can do that again for some content if you want to do that. But then I also think a real one with just us would be good. I'm so bad at gift-giving, though. I'm already sorry to whoever. I always just get somebody... I think I try and go for the, like,

Starting point is 01:32:43 oh, this isn't what you'd expect. But then I got my sister a bunch of baklava the other day, and she doesn't even like it. But that's a good, because baklava, the first time I had baklava, I was like, I never would have had this. This is fucking awesome. Baklava is so fucking good. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 01:32:59 So it's not a bad gift. Yeah, but she was for sure like. Okay, great. I wouldn't have had a Turkish pastry, but this is fucking gas like... Okay, great. Like, you know, I would have... Like, I wouldn't have had a Turkish pastry, but this is fucking nasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, I have so much makeup that I want.

Starting point is 01:33:09 Like, there's so many things that I could have gotten her that I feel like sometimes I lose the plot a little bit. Her birthday, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll be honest. Baklava for a birthday is pretty shit. Yeah, it's just like... Why did you go that route?

Starting point is 01:33:23 If that's like, hey, I was on the way home and I walked by this bakery and I got us some baklava, it's like a nice little gift. If it's like, it's my birthday gift to you and I get baklava, I'm gonna be like,

Starting point is 01:33:33 what the fuck is this? And it was from Missouri too. It was like, but I'd just gotten by an Instagram ad and I was like, I feel like she would like baklava. Who doesn't like baklava?

Starting point is 01:33:44 And then I was just like and then I and then I was just like then I lost the plot a little bit of the gift once you start like trying to go into the niche well that's what I mean with girls is you can always throw the fastball well girls also it's easier because like everything that we like has like fun marketing like there's fun packaging with the makeup and there's fun like that it it's like a fun gift to receive right but like with guys it's like guys is is probably a little more unique to each person, which is hard. Yeah. Because you can't just be like, I'll just get you a bracelet.

Starting point is 01:34:11 At the same time, I've never gotten a girl any of that stuff. Really? I've never gotten a girl jewelry. No, one time I got a ring that was not received well. You fucking proposing to me? Yeah, you can't get a ring until you get a ring. It's not just a ring. I don't't know it's just jewelry it matches your bracelet um but i see this isn't going on much longer is it

Starting point is 01:34:33 okay message received it was like it was in a wrap it was in a box with wrapping paper on it and it was just like here i got you this yeah that's not how i would propose right are you but no no bitch you're like 20 i didn't even think any of us thought that was on the table yeah how was it like how old were you i was young 20 is that realm past 25 it gets like offensive to give a girl a ring if you're dating with that since like just do the whole fucking thing that like why are you teasing it like yeah yeah i guess i was young and dumb but i guess i still just thought it was a regular person i don't know people wear rings here's yeah yeah where do they acquire them i got you yeah yeah i think if you guys get me for secret standing you can get me a ring i think like um like i remember there was like an era where like david yerman rings were just

Starting point is 01:35:23 like so popular yeah yeah And it was like... McCarty. Yeah, these are very much not engagement rings. It's not a rock. It's like a band or whatever. Those things I think you can do. But if you get anything that's like... Yeah, it was a band.

Starting point is 01:35:34 It was like a... I think they're called Cape Cod bracelets. It was like a Cape Cod ring. Yeah. With a Cape Cod bracelet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not going well. Don't get that.

Starting point is 01:35:47 Unless you want to find out really where you stand either way it's gonna go bad it's like you're like why isn't it real or what the fuck are you doing but right it's not gonna but you'll have your answer do you guys have like your love languages that you know mine even know mine so there's not a point no i don't mind mine's acts of service like if i say can you do this for me? And you get it done. I think, yeah. That's. You just like to put them to work.

Starting point is 01:36:09 I'm just like, fucking nice, dude. Slavery is my act of service. Yes, that is how it comes down. It comes out. Yeah. But, like, you can do that with every act of service. Acts of service really sounds like. My act of service is touch.

Starting point is 01:36:23 I think acts of service and gift giving come across as like gifts come across as materialistic, but I think they're pretty valid. The gifts one is a little bit tough. I also know, when I ask you to do something, it's something I

Starting point is 01:36:39 don't want to do, so I know no one wants to do it. So if you're willing to do it for me, you love me. That sounds very real and mature and emotional and thought like there's thought behind it when you're just like my love language is gifts it's like you just want you just want like you can you can explain it away the same way you did well i it means that you're willing to like spend time and money and effort on me and it means that no no bitch you just watch it i i would i would bet you there is like 0.01 of the male population is gift gift love language gift receiving gift receiving

Starting point is 01:37:18 yeah and i bet you like the females it's like but whenever whenever a guy says acts of service well i just think that they're like like they just want you to blow them like that it's like what that's like what comes out the service is my dick in here so wait what so it's it's uh physical touch quality time receiving gifts acts of service words of affirmation i yeah it's receiving gifts is like so far at the bottom of the list there i can't even begin to describe it it's acts of service in an absolute really i don't even like any of the other ones let alone like i quality time's cool if we're just chilling on the couch watching tv that's nice i don't like

Starting point is 01:38:00 quality time but the i would go my list would go physical touch quality time. But the... I would go... My list would go physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts. Words of affirmation might be last. Like, I'm like, shut the fuck up. You're so nice. Shut up. but i i view words of affirmation more as acknowledgement of what i'm like doing for you yeah but that's not what it is though right it's an affirmation like yeah it's not like compliments necessarily yeah well yeah this says involves compliments on the list i i i after I, after having felt like very taken advantage of or like not, not like not. What's the word for it?

Starting point is 01:38:53 I guess like getting credit kind of sounds like shitty, but like heard. No. No. It's like I. Watch. I feel like taking it for granted. So if someone is like, I really like appreciate that you did this for me or that you do this for me on a day to day basis or here are the things that like I love about you or

Starting point is 01:39:15 whatever. I'm like, Oh, okay. Like it's, it's acknowledgement is what I think. I don't, I do not need to be told like I'm good looking or hot or sexy or whatever the

Starting point is 01:39:24 fuck. I'm sure that's very much what it is for females but but i cannot receiving gifts is so far last on my list it's not even crazy as i i don't even think about ever getting something from somebody maybe it's because i just don't haven't gotten like good gifts and shit but I'm like every time people like what do you want for your birthday we don't have Christmas I'm like do not get me yeah and I mean not spend money on me do yeah I really really mean it there's not going to be some like oh I would rather nothing than like a shitty generic gift yeah on Father's Day or whatever you know it's like don't worry about. I'll probably just buy my own shit. All right.

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Starting point is 01:41:05 sorts of fees uh i i ordered like a sandwich the other day it was 37 bucks it was crazy dude i got it was one sandwich for 37 110 bucks the other night oh for one guy just me granted you were ordering enough food for like three or four people honestly it was two things really it was a chicken parm and then some pasta to go with it. 110. 106. That's crazy. We've gotten out of control. It's just not tenable. So go get your

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Starting point is 01:42:23 Those were the words that they found on his notes app after he ate shit on Queens Boulevard. This has been a two-sentence horror story. I'm pretty sure there's a Twitter thread of these. I just thought I would try it out. I'm gonna go look

Starting point is 01:42:40 them up, but feels like something old KFC and fights would have something to say about. Two-sentence horror stories. Yeah yeah i see these on reddit a lot um wait but getting intimate with infrastructure he and then the second part was like i mean i think that meant he was on a walk yeah um they're really really hard um it is a very difficult thing to get put on the spot for um so let me read some examples go back uh even though i always give my victims a 30 second head start they never escape relax this is the 21st century maybe you're not reading the second sentence i suppose okay even though i always give my victims a 30-second head start,

Starting point is 01:43:25 they never escape. I suppose once you have one of their children, they're always tied to them, even when you cut the tie. Well, these are kind of just menacing sentences. Yeah. Well, it's a horror story. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:39 That one I didn't quite follow. Hey, relax. This is the 21st century. No one's going in an oven. The camp card elaborated. These days we have microwaves and air fryers. Cheating is a sin, the woman said to the kid. That's why my husband can never find out that you're not his child,

Starting point is 01:43:55 she added as she threw the daughter from the cliff. I saw a comedian. I wish I could remember his name. It was on instagram it was like um it was something about freezing cum freezing cum and and the uh and like the story goes on that the the woman in the story was like yeah i once um fuck what was it it was like i once um i i kept the cum in your condom i froze it and i used it to like have a baby many years later and he was like so i reacted like his his reaction was like the punchline. And he was like, OK, here's what it was like five years ago.

Starting point is 01:44:47 I fucked a girl and I found out that she froze my cum and used it later to impregnate herself and have a baby. And she asked me, like, what my reaction was. And he said, well, now that you're 18, you can do whatever you want. And everyone laughed. So he fucked a girl who was 13 years old and like the crowd like kind of calmed down and he finished it with like and also your mother and i will always support you i wish i could give him if i if i ever find it or remember it i'll give him credit but i butchered

Starting point is 01:45:20 the delivery but that was the general idea of it. And I could like, he paused so long, and I was kind of watching it with just the subtitles on, and I was like, I know kind of where this is going, but not fully. So it was very good. But yeah, I mean, this is a hard thing to do on the spot. Does anybody have one that's like on the tip of their tongue? Because I feel like you got to give, you got to, it's like, hey, come up with a fucking really good comedy bit right now.

Starting point is 01:45:46 If I could do that like this, I wouldn't fucking be here, bro. I'd be on the road. We can also just skip this one. No, I think it's good. I mean,

Starting point is 01:45:53 I think, you know, it'll be one that we just have to, maybe next episode, have a couple in the holster that we've thought of or something like that. Two sentence horror stories. You can send them to us on Twitter

Starting point is 01:46:03 and at Instagram at KC Radio. What's up, KC Radio gang? So it was just Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday, and you're supposed to fast, not eat, for like the whole day of Yom Kippur. Only problem for me was that I did it on the wrong day. I did it the day before you're supposed to do it because I saw Pat Bev's tweet about fasting. So I was like, oh, shit, today's Yom Kippur. I hadn't eaten already. So I was like, all right, I'm already fasting. I might as well continue. And I forgot about time zones. He was

Starting point is 01:46:35 in Israel. So I fasted on the wrong day, ended up hitting a discount, double fast, double atonement for the sins. My question is, what is something you did with the right intentions that you should still get credit for? Because I feel like even though I fasted on the wrong day, I should still get credit for it and not fast the next day. But I'm not quite caught up on the Judaism rules, so I just double fasted.

Starting point is 01:46:58 So something that you did with the right intentions that you should still get credit for. You totally get credit. It's like it's like you know if you run a marathon on not marathon day you still fucking ran the marathon you know the uh the fasting is great i don't i don't do so the reason i was thinking of this first prompted by that but the um my brother's wedding was recently and at it was, I guess you could call him our trainer,

Starting point is 01:47:27 the guy we used to work out with when we were younger. My brother still does. Johnny Botello, if you're in the far area, look him up. Johnny B. But he was like, you been fasting? I was like, no, I haven't been fasting, you lunatic. He was like, you look good. You been fasting?

Starting point is 01:47:42 I was like, no, I haven't been fasting. And then he was like, you gotta fast. You fasting and then he was like he's like you gotta he's like you gotta fast you gotta fast like what are you talking about dude and he's like once you he's like 18 hours is when you start like getting a little crazy he's like once you hit the 30 hour mark you feel euphoric and i was like what are you talking about like once a week i do it i won't eat for two days straight what are you talking about what do you mean once a week you don't eat for two days yeah that's like half the week that to me i mean i i basically like mini fast like by accident all the time where it's like if i if i don't eat breakfast i don't i don't eat until dinner so like but once we start the day like i don't eat anything and then i get home and i'm like i am like ready to puke and i have a headache and i'm like i need to eat but i'm like i don't eat until dinner so like but once we start the day like i don't eat anything and then i get home and i'm like i am like ready to puke and i have a headache and i'm like i need to eat but

Starting point is 01:48:28 i'm like i don't know i just basically fasted for like at least 12 hours 18 hours somewhere in that area because the last thing i had was was dinner or whatever i ate right right after dinner but i feel like i don't you know i'm not fasting i'm just being an idiot like you have to like kind of plan out your fasting if you're going to really do it. You know, like make your – I'm sure your last meal is the right thing at the right time to make sure you can last. I'm just like, oh, it's been 18 hours since I had a taco. I would literally eat whatever's in front of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:58 And like – and also it's like so much worse because then I go ham. Yeah. You know, then I'm eating like fucking cartons of ice cream and shit. It's like I haven't eaten in so long. Or if I just like had normal meals at regular times. But once you – if you skip breakfast and then you're working in the day, it's like, I don't know. To me, it's like, ah, got to wait for me again for the five millionth time. Like a lunch break is – I don't know.

Starting point is 01:49:22 I feel like we don't do that here. We just like eat when the show is done. Yeah.'m always like i just let me just get home like rather than like i should just go eat something right now the day the day is done it's like no let me get home but that's like another hour and a half driving and i gotta get home and eat and it's like oh it's another two hours and by the end of it i'm like is it true that like men can have an easier time fasting than women? Certainly seems the way that you bitches complain. Like put it this way.

Starting point is 01:49:49 No one runs around being like, he's so hangry. It feels like a pretty female thing. When people try and like push fasting, it's like, you don't want me to fast. However much I might look different is not worth the. But it does like fuck with hormones. So I do know that like women shouldn't fast or whatever but it does like i'm like you don't want that just like anything else i feel like cold plunging and fasting and all that it's like in moderation done the right way it's probably good but not eating for like 30 hours and then jumping in a fucking 10 degree

Starting point is 01:50:22 tank of water i don't think it's good for you i don't know that's the rebranding that you talk about like like we label that eating disorder i do think we'll look back on i think the cold plunging thing has gotten pretty silly yeah like i think it'll be sure it's sure there are some benefits in some way but it's like you know the way that people are doing it now, I think people look back and be like, that was fucking stupid. None of that makes a difference. Like, you were just torturing yourself for like three minutes at a time. I'm sure it's good, right? You could also just eat an apple instead.

Starting point is 01:50:58 Yeah, yeah. Well, it's healthy for you. You could achieve that feeling, yeah. What was the question for this though uh something you've done that you like did it like the wrong time or the wrong whatever but you still should get credit for it that's kind of like i i feel like you can you find that in relationships a lot where it's like you did something right for like the wrong reasons you know it's almost the opposite of when your friend was like she she didn't know I was cheating on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's like if you do something under, like, false pretenses, but it's like, hey, but at the end of the day, like, I did it for you.

Starting point is 01:51:34 I get credit for it. I really grapple with, like, giving, like, homeless people money because it's like, who is that really for? Is it for them or is it for me to feel like a better person? Yeah, yeah. I think that's a big thing, too. I think we saw a lot of that with, like, who is that really for? Is it for them or is it for me to feel like a better person? Yeah, yeah. I think that's a big thing too. I think we saw a lot of that with, like I saw that with the fundraiser I did for that family. It's like I never really considered that people were donating to those firemen and cops because they like wanted the actual t-shirt and they wanted to be able to say that they were a part of a charity. And then when I put what I believe to be the most horrific situation

Starting point is 01:52:08 where you can be a part of this charity, nobody did it. And I was like, wow, you motherfuckers really are doing that for personal or... With the cops and firefighters, it kind of becomes a little bit more political where it's like, I'm supporting the... But it's like, oh, you're doing all that for the wrong reason. You really are. It's like, hey, there's three little kids who need help. And they're like, nah, I'm good. There's not You really are. It's like, hey, there's three little kids who need help. And they're like, nah, I'm good.

Starting point is 01:52:26 There's not a cool emblem. Like, wow, shit. People really do that stuff for, you know, the wrong reasons. Everything is for the wrong reasons. Like, everything is for personal gain. Like, whether it's just making yourself feel better about yourself, like, which kind of sucks. Also, to answer the question,

Starting point is 01:52:43 I realize I've been donating, like, 25% of my paycheck to a Roth IRA i realized i've been donating like 25 of my paycheck to a roth ira like i didn't realize that and so like now i'm like good though i know like i also like need that money right now yeah i was gonna say 25 is pretty high girl but if they're matching that's actually yeah like i guess i accidentally am being very financially responsible yeah some other than that. I'm not happy. I'm like really not happy about it. Like I really need that money. Just so you know, you can change it really easily.

Starting point is 01:53:09 No, I. You can't get that money out, but you can probably change your contribution. Yeah. We gotta. Yeah. Turns out we gotta. We gotta get life insurance. Health insurance.

Starting point is 01:53:17 Yeah. Oh yeah. I gotta do that too. I listened to these two talk yesterday. It was like, Jackie was like, so because we're turning 26 now, do we need to get on insurance? And Pabst was like, nah. And I was like, don't listen to that. He might be right, he might be wrong, but don't listen

Starting point is 01:53:31 to just the casual way. Do some research on that one. I think this open enrollment, I'm actually going to look at things. I've never opened it. Let's all do it together. I will say that whenever we switched over to recently in my doctor travels, they were like, we don't accept that.

Starting point is 01:53:51 We don't accept that. I think we either downgraded or changed in a way that you should at least know about before you. Can we schedule a meeting with Rachel? We gotta do it before Friday. And just do all four of us at once hell yeah can we do it tomorrow i'm not here friday okay let's do it tomorrow yeah okay all

Starting point is 01:54:10 right um it's crazy how much people just like i actually was so i was dealing with insurance shit so i was searching empire and anthem and all those words and i i so all my search came up in my gmail back to like 2016 when we first got benefits and uh resnick sent an email being like here's how to enroll and then erica followed up with an email that said like a huge portion of you guys are not signing up for endurance you need to do this it's like god i hate that sort of shit to the point that people just don't want to fucking do it you know it's like that's my acts of service like do you do that for me yeah huge oh man yeah you actually you know what i'm coming around on that idea because if i had basically an assistant who was doing all

Starting point is 01:54:53 those things for me i would probably fall in love with it oh my god you paid all my tickets insurance and you took care of that bill for me and all my taxes oh my god i fucking love you yeah all right last one what's going on guys i was just thinking about the joelle and bead situation and do you think professional athletes would cut their salary in half if they didn't have to deal with reporters like no press conferences they're not in the locker rooms you don't have to answer to anyone do you think they'd do it thanks no because i think they would just go to a city where the media doesn't matter yeah i think there's so few places where it really

Starting point is 01:55:30 matters it's like philly new york boston where you have to answer and the rest is like doesn't fucking matter i i i don't get the problem with media i know that sometimes they're dickheads but like i don't know if you just tell them like yeah i don't know i suck right now i'm trying i think i don't know what's like i'm trying as hard as i try every single i actually don't know what the joel embiid situation is so he he's not played at all yet this year i saw some stat it was like he's been involved in two investigations he's gotten two technical fouls uh he's been fined and he has not stepped on the court yet really and and uh he said something like for all i've given to this city like for these people to he's they're doing like load

Starting point is 01:56:11 management to start the season and they're like what the fuck dude like you haven't played in like the first four games and they're like well we gotta you know take it easy and gilly actually had a really good rant where he was like you played all through the olympics you never missed any practices you never missed any of practices. You never missed any of that. But now that it's time for, like, the city that you play for, you're taking it easy. Like, fuck that. Yeah, I guess it's easier to give the honest answers when you are playing.

Starting point is 01:56:34 And playing well. But not even playing well. Like, the Bruins is obviously a completely different situation where media and hockey is not like it is in basketball or football. But, like, the bruins are playing very poorly or they they kind of started to turn they're not being consistent yeah and every post game you'll be like well the players are saying what i wanted to say they're like look we we're a good team we know we're a good team it's just not working right now i'm like yeah i don't know like they're we're gonna keep working on it i think we've definitely reached a point where

Starting point is 01:57:00 honesty works more than like it used to you know yeah i mean i always think it's more like i like i don't i don't know what that i'm trying my best as long as you're trying well yeah yeah yeah like i'm fucking trying man and it's you're right i see it too it's not working but i'm trying right i think what what you run into more is a problem like like with mb like him being honest right now he was like more or less being like, fuck these fans. Like I've done so much for the city and you guys are going to criticize me. Probably not the best thing to be honest there. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:57:30 And like, you know, Gilly was like, yeah, you've done a lot for the city and we also gave you $300 million. So that's the give and take. Like you're even. You know what I mean? So certain times but i i noticed uh they they uh rudy gobert and anthony edwards were talking about how yokich like knew the play they were going to run ahead of time and like and like like blew up the final play of the game because he like knew it and they were they were being honest about that like rudy like anthony edwards was being interviewed rudy gobert was on the

Starting point is 01:58:00 outside and he was like yo wasn't that fucking crazy how like yokich just knew what we were gonna do and anthony edwards like he knew more than what i knew, and he was like, yo, wasn't that fucking crazy how Lake York just knew what we were going to do? And Anthony Edwards was like, he knew more than what I knew. And I was like, that's refreshing to me. Yeah, I don't know. The other guy was better. They asked Devin Booker and Kevin Durant about the wall in the Clippers' new stadium. That's the section. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:17 And they were like, it's awesome. He was like, I missed two free throws. I think Kevin Durant missed two free throws. I was like, it works. It's effective, and I think it's great. And I was like, that's something that in the past probably would have been like, I don't even notice it. No, yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:31 It was a real thing. Of course I noticed it. I didn't talk about it. 14,000 people standing there screaming. Right. And I missed my free throws. It obviously works, so let's talk about it. And I think we're at a place where you can do more of that now.

Starting point is 01:58:41 But when you are in a controversy, it's probably still better to just toe the company line at this point. Yeah, but you can do more of that now but when you are in like a controversy it's probably still better to just like tell the company line at this point yeah but like you can do but i i'm i keep thinking back to the comeback more than anybody i wish that francisco was like fuck these people yeah but you can't do that you know what i mean like you'll always lose in the long but it's like i mean like like you know honesty yes you can deliver everything with a spoonful of sugar or something like that like again in the comeback when when nomar you know, honesty, yes. You can deliver everything with a spoonful of sugar or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:59:05 Like, again, in the comeback when Nomar, you know, found out, not on Twitter, but wherever, through the media, that he got traded, which the trade didn't work. But he was just like, I thought his press conference was pretty reasonable. He was like, well, yeah, I'm pretty upset. Yeah, that sucks. He's like, I'm still committed to this organization. I'm going to still keep coming in every day. But, yeah, that sucks. You know what's I'm still committed to this organization. I'm going to still keep coming in every day. But yeah, that sucks. You know what's so funny about that shit though?

Starting point is 01:59:27 When someone's being honest about their emotions, you can't be like, they're a fucking piece of shit. You're like, I don't know if that's something that happened to this person. When people are like, I'm still committed to the organization, that sort of shit, I think that – I don't know if that's honest. Because I just think – like I was thinking about the Garrett Cole thing where he opted out and they didn't opt in. Yeah. And then he was like, never mind. And it's kind of like, all right. All's well that ends well.

Starting point is 01:59:50 You're back on the team. We're happy. But there definitely had to be conversations where they were like, we think that you're old and not worth that money. And once that kind of shit is said, it's never the same. You know what I mean? It's true, but they all – Like once you cross a certain line with a company or a team or whatever, you might be like, all right, I'll go back to work. I'm happy with the contract.

Starting point is 02:00:11 But like we'll never be the same because of like you have to lay it on the line. But that's also you have to accept who you are. You're also – yeah, you're probably – Gary Cole in six years, you're probably not going to be worth $40 million. Right, right. You have to accept that. Right. But when you think like – That's the reality.

Starting point is 02:00:24 When you and your agent are like, oh, they're absolutely going to do it, and then they don't, and it's like, yeah, you're old and not worth that money. And then you all backtrack, and then the next press conference, you're supposed to be like, we're happy that Garrett's here for the next five years, four years. It's like, well, you absolutely had no interest in five years, but the next four years are going to be great. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 02:00:44 But that honesty is important both ways. You have to be honest with yourself as well. And you have to go, well, they're probably right. But I think a lot of athletes are prima donnas and people who are not honest with themselves a lot. But I think this new generation of people kind of are. They're at least more so than the previous ones where they can admit shortcomings or admit the team is better. You can be worth $30 million. Right, right. You might be worth $30 million. Right, right.

Starting point is 02:01:05 You might be worth $30 million in five years, but right now you're not. Not 45. That's not like a big slap in the face. Yeah. I don't remember what the question was, but. Would they not deal with the media? Oh, yeah. I think as people who work in media, I don't think the media is that bad.

Starting point is 02:01:22 I think occasionally. But like Francisco Lindor, I think – I guess this is more the fans. The fans and the media kind of go hand in hand to me. It's like the fans can exacerbate the media and the media can exacerbate the fans. You know? Yeah. And I think when you go through some shit that those specific cases i i would like even just in in like i've talked to um people in lindor's family and they were like

Starting point is 02:01:54 it was fucking hard it was tough and like we're happy now that like we're over the hump and everybody loves it but like fuck fuck you guys that it took you know herculean effort to get support right you know and i think if they could have just avoided that for yourself, for your wife, your kids, everyone else, it might be better. Yeah. No, I get that. To the tune of – I also always think – yes. Instead of $300 million, I have $200 million and my life is easy. I would do that.

Starting point is 02:02:21 Yeah. But eventually there's a breaking point, but it's not at 300 400 million dollars like there's definitely money i would give up leave behind for an easier life like i know plenty of reporters and beat guys like they don't know we're gonna fuck anyone over they want they want to write their story so answer the question or you can even be like honestly i don't want to answer that like there's something i saw a clip the other day of tom cruise much younger and he must have just like broken up with nicole kidman or divorced or whatever and the the interviewer was asking him like so do you want what do you want nicole to remarry and tom cruise is like yeah i want nicole to be happy more than anything and he's like so

Starting point is 02:03:02 what do you think about and he's like kind of prying and tom cruise was eventually, hey, man, I just want you to know you're stepping over the line. I know what you're doing. And you know you're stepping over the line. Right. And I'd like you to be polite again. Yeah. And the guy was like, oh, I apologize. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 02:03:15 And it's like, again, it's like honesty. Set a boundary. Be like, here you go. We all know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. The NBA is finally back, which means it's a new season to get into the action at the DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the NBA.

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Starting point is 02:04:56 see dkng.co slash bball. Dude, the flow is great. Is it looking all right? Yeah. Modern mammals, baby. Listen. Look, I work with them, but you have the perfect hair. It's shampoo that I use for modern mammals.

Starting point is 02:05:09 Listen, once you start getting up there in age, you know. You need it. If you can hold on to it. Anyhow. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then anything that can help you hold on to it, I'll take it. No, it's facts. I wish I had some because I hate shampoo.

Starting point is 02:05:22 I think you have the hair type. If you clean it, it just looks horrible. So you just don't wash it. Don't mean to turn this into an ad, but that is one of the secrets because I used to just never wash it. And then my hairstylist, so douchey to have a hairstylist.

Starting point is 02:05:37 Just means I'm loyal. Just means I worked with someone who did my hair and I was like, I like you and we've been working together for 10 years. That's man of the people. And her name is Kat and she was like your your hair is like a grease pit in an Arby's please I know it was fuck she said putting a comb through it was like putting it through wet cement I know I was like I gotta start cleaning it so modern mammals.com there you go I I did that for a while where I was like, I don't wash my head. I had long hair.

Starting point is 02:06:05 I guess like us. I guess I have long hair. Yeah, I like us. And it was like we spent years where I was like, my hair is great. And then we finally saw pictures of me like years later. And you look like you got out of a pool. I was like, you let me walk around like that? I had that with the pandemic.

Starting point is 02:06:21 Like it got way longer than I thought it did. Like Jesus hair. Yeah. And my daughter, she's sick. She's going to gonna see photos and her dad looks like a fucking hippie dude like like really i mean like to my shoulders i have no memory of my my long this is probably like that my pandemic was like what you have now that's the longest i ever did and i remember being like i think i'm gonna keep it like i kind of like it and then when I got my first haircut I was like now I look better it just feels like honestly dude like leaning on hair you know every girlfriend I've ever had I'm such an oaf I'm always like leaning on yeah yeah

Starting point is 02:06:55 I was that way I was like Jesus watch my hair and I was like this has got to go but that all being said you know there are guys out there that would kill to be able to have it like that. I know. I'm lucky in the hair. And you just got to look to your grandparents, I guess. I heard it's your mom's dad. Your mom's dad. Mom's dad.

Starting point is 02:07:16 My mom's dad went in the coffin with a head of hair. Oh, really? I'm hoping that. That's an Irish thing, too. The shock. The shock of Irish Boston hair. So I'm trying to hold on to it. But you got the hair and you got the height. That's like Irish thing, too. The shock. The shock of Irish Boston hair. So I'm trying to hold on to it. But you got the hair and you got the height.

Starting point is 02:07:28 That's like, you know. You know, look, I didn't mean to make this like a celebration of my jeans. But like, height is one of those things. You got it or you don't, you know? It's really, it's unfair. Because unfortunately, human beings are just, we're so susceptible and so impressionable. Did you know the tallest guy running for president up until the advent of television always won?

Starting point is 02:07:48 It was always the tallest. If you're big, you win. Yeah, the big one. Fucking Lincoln. Makes a lot of sense. He's like, I'm with the big guy. You can't fuck with it. And we're still that basic.

Starting point is 02:08:00 No, I mean, this is always that. This one will lead us. It's like 89% of CEOs are like 6'2 and up. I know. Well, why do quarterbacks look like quarterbacks? Like Aaron Rodgers did my podcast. I'm not just saying that. Oh, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 02:08:14 I'm sorry. Tom Brady wanted to do it, but I said, hit the bricks. But see, I'm not a sports guy, but I was very interested in talking to him. And I was like, one of my questions was like, why do you look like a quarterback? Which is it? Yeah. There's a little bit of both. Well, testosterone is linked to your jawline.

Starting point is 02:08:34 It's also linked to hair loss. That's why Jason Statham, who's losing his hair, looks very masculine. He's got a lot of testosterone. Very masculine. Because testosterone is a poison. That's why drinking alcohol is a way to signal socially that you're strong. Look, I'm drinking poison, and yet I can still make love to you. I'm still fine.

Starting point is 02:08:51 Yeah, I'm still fine. Testosterone is the same thing. So if you have indicators of testosterone, and no one knows this intellectually, but if you have a square jaw and you're a little bit bald, like Bruce Willis bald, you look like you have a lot of, you do have a lot of testosterone, and that looks like you're strong, you won't die from poison, you'll be around to raise the kids.

Starting point is 02:09:09 So women traditionally, I'm just speaking anthropologically, can find that attractive. Interesting. So actually a little bit of baldness and a little bit of chest hair, all that stuff, that's why your Bruce Willis, your Stathams, that can look very masculine. Yeah, who knew?

Starting point is 02:09:23 I would have thought that testosterone or whatever, more hair would be the thing. Totally. I think it's more body hair. Yeah, but maybe you have a bald spot or whatever. Well, it starts to kill you. It's trying to kill you. That's why you look awesome.

Starting point is 02:09:39 Your body is trying to stage a coup, and you're like, fuck you, and you look fucking dope it's so cool but the quarterback thing is also there's something you know nature nurture there where it's like holy well the coach would pick you yeah he can't help it's just like even you know just the looks of it like size but also like you're a good looking guy and what is being a good looking guy mean it means like you'll have all the side effects of being confident, whether or not you are. Right. And then you might actually start acting confident.

Starting point is 02:10:09 That's the thing. It's like a fake it before you make it. Yes. So Aaron Rodgers in high school, he starts dating a very attractive girl. He was probably insecure just as everybody. But now I got a hot girl. He's got a hot girlfriend. Now you throw the ball like you have a hot girl.

Starting point is 02:10:21 Right. You know what I mean? Yes. And that's, remember Moneyball where they're like, I don't like him. Yeah, yeah. He's got a plain girlfriend. Right. You know what I mean? Yes. Remember Moneyball where they're like, I don't like him. Yeah, yeah. He's got a plain girlfriend. Yeah. He lacks confidence.

Starting point is 02:10:29 I don't like it either, but that shit, there is some data behind that. And then there's the outliers. There's, you know, like a World Series MVP who's like 150 pounds soaking wet. That's right. Swing the stick, you know, or whatever. Yeah. Babe Ruth looks like he'd only be the champ at a Golden Corral. then they're just like look at those tiny legs but it is interesting right that the more that you can see people with the more technology and and now with you know it's like

Starting point is 02:10:54 you could have been fat and ugly but the only time maybe i saw you in the newspaper like once that's right matter that's absolutely now i see you on my tv every time you better be good looking that's why and with the advent of televising candidates, celebrities, obviously, now you have to be a celebrity all the time, everywhere. You need to look great when you're eating. You have to look great when you're shitting. Like Cary Grant or some old timey,

Starting point is 02:11:15 nobody knew what he looked like at dinner. Never. If you went to take a picture of Cary Grant at dinner, you'd be stoned. I know. Let's kill that guy. He's ruining everything. We were talking about, I think we were talking to ashton kutcher uh and he was saying like well that's a flex

Starting point is 02:11:31 what'd he do well he what did he do he had that whole thing with uh but danny masterson they like wrote a character did he? They wrote a character letter for me. Then let me do this to camera. You can use that as a caption. Why has it always got to be that? Right? I want to do, where's my car, Kutcher? I do feel bad that he wrote something I think was supposed to stay private and just did not. That happens.

Starting point is 02:12:01 That's a good rule of life. That's what writing is. Writing is not private. Writing is, I have it. You're putting it onto something. I have onto something i have what you said out loud but don't put it that nickelodeon documentary some people sided with that horrible producer and then that part of the movie you're like very very similar it was exactly like exactly like that where it was like well that's not the guy i know and it's like oh that doesn't really matter yeah yeah um who cares but but anyway prior to yeah he was saying like the the the we we were saying that social media was like the death of uh privacy or whatever and he was saying more than that prior to that was like tmz like being right outside the club taking pictures

Starting point is 02:12:36 like the paparazzi started that where then they stopped going out to the clubs and they stopped hanging out and having those kind of like cool hollywood moments where like everyone was together and you know i was at the bar and he was at the table and you were playing the piano. Right, right, right. But then it was like, well, I got too fucked up and someone took a picture and I went on TMZ so I'm never going again. And then everybody started doing it.

Starting point is 02:12:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. I just watched that Anna Nicole Smith documentary. Did you watch that? No. No, she's another case of. It was all right, yeah, But she seemed to be gaming it. I'm not here to have a hot take.

Starting point is 02:13:07 She seemed to be like feeding the paparazzi. And that was another way to do it. You can definitely. I would argue if you're going to be that famous, it's probably better to utilize. It's going to happen one way or the other. Right. Right. So be the Kardashians.

Starting point is 02:13:19 Unless you're like Joaquin Phoenix or Timothee Chalamet. You know, like these undeniable talents. Right. They'll just be. They can still get their mail sent to the studio. Like, Timothee, we have a letter from a fan. He's like, we were just talking about you. He showed up in New York the other day.

Starting point is 02:13:37 They were doing a Timothee Chalamet lookalike contest. Oh, wow. And everybody showed up. Half of Brooklyn showed up. It was just all these villages. It truly was. All I see are Chalamets. Are you kidding? Yeah. And he showed up to it I see are Chalamets. Are you kidding? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:13:45 And he showed up to it almost looking less Chalamet than usual. He had a hat on and a mustache that I was like, I don't think I would have recognized him. But all the hipsters had the hair and all that. But he just showed up and stepped up to take a picture on the stage where everyone else was. And then people were like, oh, fuck, wait, it's him. That's the coolest. Which is like, no, that is the coolest. I love that. That's the coolest. Which is like, no, that is the coolest. I love that.

Starting point is 02:14:05 That's the best way to be famous. Well, I heard Jon Hamm, who I'm mildly friendly with, weird flex. Are we just going to have a flex off the whole time here? Yeah, we're just going to flex off. All right. I know the vibe. Mark Wahlberg, I want to interview him, okay? Hey, how's it going?

Starting point is 02:14:18 It's great to be back on the show. Hamm, well, I heard a couple of Hamm stories. One was he would go to Halloween parties as Don Draper which I thought was so funny and I don't know

Starting point is 02:14:30 this sounds fucking fake as I say it but I think he might have gone to Madame Tussauds the wax museum and just stood there still which I'm like that you gotta do

Starting point is 02:14:39 I do that people are just like do you work here? where's the Kardashian? where's the butt? I'm here for the butt. I was just there, actually. I was in a movie called Woman of the Hour, which I'm not here to promote.

Starting point is 02:14:52 Fantastic movie. People should check it out. It's really, really good. Oh, do that. That's the... Anna Kendrick. Anna Kendrick, yes. She nailed it.

Starting point is 02:14:58 That was unbelievable. And it's unexpected. You hear a story about that kind of serial killer in that kind of situation. You have an idea going in. She really subverted that in a way that movies can be so fun yeah someone's telling you a story and you're like oh i didn't expect this at all and you and you leave and i'm so honored to be a part of that movie that watching that was like uh i said like watching blink twice which i saw earlier this year yeah uh zoe kravitz directed we like it was also her first movie and you watch it and you're like, they know what they're fucking doing.

Starting point is 02:15:26 I don't even really know direction that well, but I knew what I was watching was cool. Have you seen the clip of the real footage, side-by-side with the movie footage? Oh, no way. The dating game show. No, no, no. Really?

Starting point is 02:15:38 Tweaked a little bit, but very accurate. Wait, some of the moments were real? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. You know, Bachelor number three, we're stuck in a cabin together. What would you do? She asked the questions were very similar. The answers were very similar.

Starting point is 02:15:52 They all looked, you know, the set. Well, Danny, the guy who played the killer, was off the chart. He even bit his nails down to the nub. So whenever you see, like, tights of his hands, it looks like serial killer hands. Yeah. I was like, that's next level i love acting but like now i'm really starting to be privileged enough to see like judy greer in this movie the best christmas pageant ever like watching true actors i'm not trying to slag myself

Starting point is 02:16:15 i'm just saying like oh there's a lot for me to learn yeah you know what you're doing i'm here to be the funniest person but you're like trying to like make a character and now I'm getting it's funny I've been in so many things but now I'm just starting to go like oh that's what acting is acting is biting your nails down to the nib and like wondering how does this person walk and talk and think

Starting point is 02:16:37 but wait isn't that your joke about Anthony Hopkins oh hello Clarice deep cut he chose that yeah I used to dude i love that you know that joke that was the when i first started acting i was shocked on set that the director didn't tell you what to do i thought they did yeah i thought directors told brad pitt and i love that brad does this i'm not dragging him either it's like eat a sandwich maybe you could

Starting point is 02:17:05 be eating an apple i thought they told them what to do and where to sit the truth of the matter is they're making all these choices and the joke is anthony hopkins when i ate her kidney with a fava beans and a nice county and then he went you know that wasn't in the script like he just decided to be fucking creepy and you can watch all these interviews where like um some of the greats like phil hoffman would talk about his job is to embarrass himself my problem as an actor that i just realized was i was always trying to be the the most well-liked on set the most agreeable and the and like i said the funniest but i was like actually you're supposed to be like i know this is obvious but but serving the movie. And you watch Phil Hoffman.

Starting point is 02:17:47 I don't know, Phil, how he was on set. But I imagine on his list of concerns being the coolest hang was on the bottom. It's not his job. He's trying to be a supervillain or he's trying to be a creep. And he's staying in that zone. It's really cool. It's also funny that when you're a great and you improvise and oh that wasn't even in the script yeah it's awesome yeah but i i would imagine there's also a level of where you can start to do that kind of stuff yeah where it's

Starting point is 02:18:15 like just say the fucking line like no you know what i mean like decade at least in your career is just say that well that was with with barry keoghan and saltburn recently when they were going through all his stuff that was not scripted. Have you seen Saltburn? No, I didn't see it. So there's many scenes throughout it where Barry Keoghan does some fucking insane stuff. Weird shit. Like one is his friend dies and he goes to visit the grave and he's crying at the grave and he begins to disrobe.

Starting point is 02:18:41 And then he just starts fucking the ground like naked. And everyone's like, that wasn't scripted he just did it if that's not like what planet are you just that's insane i had that's either like wow mary keoghan like you're amazing and you might win an oscar or like put this guy in jail yeah that's fine line exactly what i'm saying like insane shit in the right context obviously you're on a close that they i hope they had some to be like i know i'm gonna do this really weird thing that even these brilliant writers didn't even think to put in there and you know it's gonna go this wet ground well this is you're either gonna be like wow you're brilliant or like uh cut let's do it without the ground fucking

Starting point is 02:19:20 it's a huge risk and i think that's the job yeah That's what I'm learning as a job. Yeah, and I just, I don't think I could ever like have the confidence within myself or my brain or whatever to take the risk. Well, when I saw Woman of the Hour,

Starting point is 02:19:31 it cut to me, there's a moment in the bar where it cuts to me and everyone's laughing at Anna. I touch her hair and I creep her out and Anna.

Starting point is 02:19:40 You did a great job. It's convincing. I appreciate it. The neighbor and the sit at the bar and all that. Yeah, who turns yes

Starting point is 02:19:45 he seems like so sweet and then he turns and there's all these parallels between me and the killer which I didn't know until I saw the whole movie because it happened so fast anyway

Starting point is 02:19:54 when I saw it at the premiere it cuts to Anna and she's so charming and funny and she's kind of like laughing and everyone's laughing then it cuts to me

Starting point is 02:20:02 and my face is like devastated like embarrassed hurt and a little bit scary and everyone stopped laughing yeah and i was like that's the first time in my career that someone's cut to me and they stopped laughing and that was the point and i swear that was the moment where i was like oh this is a different kind of metric yeah by which to measure success right and i think think something clicked in my brain. I'm more interested.

Starting point is 02:20:26 Well, when you've been going for the laugh for how many decades now? It's like being obsessed with making people yawn or sneeze. Like, I want to make this involuntary thing happen. So comedians are this very strange offshoot of people that are like, if we only talk and think about this, maybe we can master that. Just like Rubik's Cube people or people that stack cups yeah like we'll just be interested in laughing but when i saw that i was like oh i can get a different kind of satisfaction interesting and and when i watched this movie uh the one we're promoting best christmas pageant ever which is out now incredible reviews yeah it's a it's one

Starting point is 02:21:00 it's one two double donuts hundred percent yeah hundred 100%. Roger Ebert, three and a half stars. Which, by the way, it's bullshit he gives four stars. Do we know the reason behind that? Four? Four seems like a weird number. Ebert? Yeah. I didn't know this.

Starting point is 02:21:14 I feel like you'd either five, maybe three. Four seems like a strange number to me. I agree. Four was, yeah, I think it should be five. Because I think of three like gold, silver, bronze. There's threes, and then five, which is a round number. Four is a little bit weird. But he did three and a half.

Starting point is 02:21:29 Three and a half. This is a new experience for me as well, to be a part of something that the audience is scoring really high and the critics is like as well. It's also my first, is that right? No, I've been like a voice in other theatrical releases, but this is the first time I've been a part of an ensemble trying to open a movie and all this stuff,

Starting point is 02:21:48 and people are really responding to it. Great, man. The one thing that I'll say without sounding canned is it's like, it's a really warm movie, and it's something I watched it with my wife and daughter. My daughter liked it, and my wife liked it. How do you get that? I was going to say, if it's your first foray into that,

Starting point is 02:22:04 doing a Christmas thing is probably a pretty great spot to land. Dude, something my parents can watch. But also, it's not boring. It's not like a church movie. It's got the heart of that vibe, I suppose. But anyone can enjoy it. Christmas movies, if you can get in the in the rotation that's what you want christmas movies well our christmas tradition is we build a fort on our uh couch with pillows and sheets and

Starting point is 02:22:31 stuff and we spend christmas day just watching christmas movies what's your favorite christmas movie elf i mean we gotta go was elf was elf the last great one that's a great point because it's relatively new you know it's not anymore new but like it's probably the most modern what was the one with maybe 12 years ago recently oh the holiday i'm sorry um the holdover holdovers people start to throw in there a little bit holdovers is great i but like it's not you're not you're not cracking into the the rotation of you know the the big dogs i think holdovers is way more an academia movie it's more like a dead poet that could have have happened. It doesn't. I don't know why people say it's very... I think because it came out Christmas time

Starting point is 02:23:07 or Thanksgiving. People are like, it's a new holiday classic. I love the movie. It's a great movie. I don't really get into the holiday. Marketing isn't a dirty word. That's another way to say like, hey, maybe you could buy this and watch it every Christmas. I think Elf would probably be the latest.

Starting point is 02:23:23 Yeah. Newest. My deep cut is Family Stone. Have you ever seen Family Stone? Oh, I love the Family Stone. Family Stone is I'll Be Home for Christmas, the movie. It's like a sad Christmas movie. So it's heartfelt. Diane Keaton is so good in it.

Starting point is 02:23:37 That's my favorite. Elf is the family favorite. Yeah, really? I've never met another person other than... Me and my friends go away every winter. And we go away and we just kind of like do christmas together just us yeah and we do it a little before christmas we spend christmas with our families but the every saturday morning while we're away i'm like family stone time and like everyone agrees i look forward to it i've watched it every year probably since it came out i think it's fantastic and it

Starting point is 02:24:02 is those people that are just a little bit more, I don't want to say solemn, but like I like the depth of the sadness. Sometimes Christmas can start feeling a little too saccharine, a little too like, yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. A little gravitas to it. Yeah. Well, it's also winter.

Starting point is 02:24:20 Everything's dying. It's getting dark. You know what I mean? Like it's winter. Let's lean new, it's, it's getting dark. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's winter. Let's lean into that. And there's also a whole bunch of people who probably fucking hate Christmas. Dude.

Starting point is 02:24:30 If you're alone, if you're sad, if you're whatever, like the holidays are like, Oh, I can't stand the holidays. So there's not an easy time for me. It's taken me a lot of reprogramming.

Starting point is 02:24:39 My wife is a huge Christmas person and I didn't know this, but there was just without getting too into it. There's just, I've sort of felt left out of Christmas. Like everyone's rocking it. And I didn't know this, but there was just, without getting too into it, there's just, I've sort of felt left out of Christmas. Like everyone's rocking it. And I'm like, I have so many memories of, you're with your family.

Starting point is 02:24:53 And if your family's kind of a little turbulent, you remember those things. So here I am feeling like Frankenstein on the beach. You know what I mean? I'm wearing the jacket and the sand and there's the bolts. Merry Christmas, guys. Ho, ho, ho. Like I'm faking it. jacket and the sand and there's the bolts Merry Christmas guys ho ho ho

Starting point is 02:25:05 like I'm faking it but having a daughter and being married to my wife and then like absorbing her holiday traditions has helped me get into it kids make a big difference

Starting point is 02:25:14 but Family Stone when you can go back and like when you know you're an adult and you don't believe in Santa and gifts are not

Starting point is 02:25:22 a thing anymore it's kind of like I gotta travel I gotta be with my family all that but when the magic comes back around dude for so many of us and you don't believe in Santa, and gifts are not a thing anymore. It's kind of like, I've got to travel, I've got to be with my family, all that. It can just be an obligation. But when the magic comes back around. Dude, for so many of us, I'm glad you brought this up, because I don't want people to feel alone,

Starting point is 02:25:31 but for so many of us, November rolls around, and you start guilt negotiating. Like, how guilty will I be if I don't go home for Thanksgiving? How guilty will I be if I don't go home for Christmas? Is this the spirit of the office? In marriages, where it's like, are we going to do it with your side or my side? It's like a UN. You have a UN meeting.

Starting point is 02:25:52 You go in the situation room. Is Grandpa going to be alive in two years? There was one Christmas. It was quite literally that Vince Vaughn movie, Four Christmases. We had to do this house, that house, her house, my house. And we had a dog at the time. It was a new puppy. We decided to bring that around. We learned that he gets car sick that way. And I remember he threw up in the car

Starting point is 02:26:15 and we were probably going to our third or maybe fourth spot. And he threw up in the car and he shook off and some of his spit and vomit landed in my mouth. I was sitting in the back of him. And I remember being like, I'm fucking done with Christmas. the car and he like shook off and some of his spit and vomit like landed in my mouth yes and i remember being like i'm fucking done with christmas yeah i don't need any more tinsel i don't need any more movies or you know i'm going the fuck home and shutting the door what sucks is when you're having a negative time and everyone's telling you you should be having a great time that can feel gaslighting and infuriating yeah so i like a sadder Christmas movie. And what I like about the one that we made here is it touches on some of that dichotomy. You have like the church people that

Starting point is 02:26:51 are pretending to be cheery, but they're really trying to ostracize these kids. And at the end, everyone's invited to the party, not just the good people, not just the happy people, but the broken people and the sad people or the poor people or whatever it might be. The outsider is not only allowed into the pageant and it's not a spoiler. Everybody knows that's what the movie is about, but they're they're celebrated. And that's the story. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I'll watch that all day. It's like a hug became a movie.

Starting point is 02:27:19 And I was fortunate enough to be in it and get to be funny at certain points, just like a dad, you know get your little dad moments but at the end of it you feel like christmassy not in the materialistic way and not in just the sort of like that's like heartfelt there's something yeah it's heartfelt yeah like elf uh i i have absolutely no issue with elf elf is going for a different thing elf is like santa and the elves this is like, isn't it sort of incredible, and I mean this, that we spend one month of the year, we should do it more often, but there's one month of the year

Starting point is 02:27:51 where you are a little bit culturally motivated to be a little bit more patient, a little bit more kind, more understanding, more forgiving. And that stuff, that's why when I watch the movie, I'm just bawling. And it gives you a good 10 minutes after the cry to like so you can covertly wipe your tears off and kind of get yourself together for the walk into the lobby but it's a very touching movie and uh i can't say enough about

Starting point is 02:28:14 judy greer she was great is it is it interesting for you i'm sure it is but like you have such a faith-based background yeah doing a holiday, yeah, that's a good question. It was sort of like, I read it with great interest. Let's put it that way. Because I was like, how are they going to take on the message of Christmas? And there are so many different ways. I was raised evangelical. I'm still a very spiritual person, but I wouldn't affiliate myself with any group.

Starting point is 02:28:41 But I was, you know, wondering if they would get it right. Yeah. I find oftentimes when people try to show the church on, uh, in movies and stuff, it's always just like the fucking, I just want to say the C word here, but like just the worst people being passive aggressive and like, bless your heart. We'll pray for you. Like just like evil fucking people that don't haven't had their heart touched by anything and they're just phony and awful and then or jesus is just here to wag his finger and and tell you to

Starting point is 02:29:12 like turn or burn or repent so i was like all right i'll read this and when they they really threaded the needle perfectly meaning it's not an overtly religious message i don't think but it is at the heart of i would say most spiritual traditions which is like can we just come together the quote that I like is we forgot we belong to each other it's us

Starting point is 02:29:34 it's the anti-conclave it's the anti-conclave bouncing out in the theaters you know you need both in art for sure, but I think, you know, there are certain movies. Like, I really didn't like the Joker movie. I'm not trying to throw shade on it.

Starting point is 02:29:52 I don't think anybody did. Yeah. But I don't even like just that sort of incel, angry, murderous, random dude. I'm a little bit more old school. I'm like, why? Where's Batman? Joker without Batman just doesn't work for me.

Starting point is 02:30:06 I'm like, someone punch this fucker in the face. Look how skinny he is. He's not even tall. He won't stop dancing. That's when he's weak. Get him while he's dancing. He frolics. Look at all that hair. There's no testosterone. But you know, you see it in a lot of our

Starting point is 02:30:22 classics. I just was re-watching Mission Impossible. It's like, I want to see loyalty. I want to see camaraderie. I want to see good triumph over evil. And people are like, life isn't that way. What's up? You hate Mission Impossible? Oh, I love it.

Starting point is 02:30:34 But you're describing Fast and Furious, friend. I hate Fast and Furious. Oh, you're in the wrong building. I shouldn't say I hate it. When you mention it in the same sentence as mission impossible i want to say watch your mouth sir okay i want to say watch your mouth i get it but i'm right it's the same movie it's i love them both i love them both i don't think you're wrong i just think the difference you know when you go to uh like a really great restaurant and a really bad restaurant

Starting point is 02:31:02 you have the same dish a lot of people can't tell the difference between those dishes. They are the same dish. I'm not putting you down. No, you're accurate in describing me. Sometimes a chicken parm at Papa Gino's is fucking good. It is. And you go to a five-star restaurant and you have it. Sometimes it's very, very similar.

Starting point is 02:31:17 But those of us that know can go, is that oregano? And that's when you watch T. Cruise. God love you, T. Cruise. when you see t cruz and you know he's doing the stunt practical vin diesel in front of a green screen just doesn't cut it no you're 100 that's the only criticism you're 100 around but if you can fucking put that out of your mind you're in for a good time i was at the premiere of the of the fast and furious where they dragged the bank safe you know the, the one I was in. It was a fucking great movie.

Starting point is 02:31:46 We shut the fuck up, green screen. Green screen, green screen. Watch the movie. Eating popcorn, slamming Milk Duds. It was a great time. We actually had the executive producer of Fast and Furious on. He said, obviously not to the full extent of it, but they really did do that in Brazil.

Starting point is 02:32:01 Oh, I believe it. There's just a few where you can tell from the lighting. I the same problem with justice league i'm like what the fuck is this like the lighting shouldn't be that perfect right everyone looks like they're in a news studio and then they put atlantis behind them i'm like justice league i actually i turned off and it's one of those things too because i knew going in, but when they first showed Henry Cavill and you could just so clearly see the mustache, I was like, never mind. I'm not doing this. Have you seen one of my favorite things on YouTube is to look at the amateur by amateur. I mean, not paid professional,

Starting point is 02:32:37 but they're not amateur by any other metric. The amateur people that fix bad CGI, the amount of talented people. Nailed it. Really? You can watch that scene in fucking whatever that fucking shit at Justice League. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the mustache. They removed it perfectly.

Starting point is 02:32:52 No way. You could also, this is worth watching, like for real, not just podcast fodder. It's worth watching. Go on YouTube and type in Robert De Niro de-aging Irishman fixed. People fucking... You could intercut it. It's a video podcast. Because that was so distracting and stupid.

Starting point is 02:33:12 It's so stupid. Look, all men as we get older... Dude, I know. It's so bad. It's so bad. And it didn't have to be. And I actually liked the Irishman. I've never re-watched it because of that. There it didn't have to be. And I actually liked the Irishman. I've never rewatched it because of that.

Starting point is 02:33:27 There it is. There it is. Look. Yeah. Look. Look. They fucking fixed his face. It's crazy.

Starting point is 02:33:36 They de-drooped him. Look at that. Come on. What is it? Yeah. And when you know that the bad version costs $40 million, you're just like, just call this guy. Wow. It does look so much better.

Starting point is 02:33:49 It's unbelievable. Here's the scene you were talking about where he also like, they made such a thing, a discussion about it that it was like, once you know it, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,

Starting point is 02:34:00 it's, uh, Tom Hanks has that movie coming out where they hear already came out. Did it come out? Yeah. They de-age him. Oh, you haven't seen this one? I haven't seen it So the concept of the movie It all takes place on one plot of land

Starting point is 02:34:14 And it goes back to, I think Revolutionary War, but then eventually A family builds its home Tom Hanks meets Robin Wright Wait, that's him? Yeah I believe the entire movie is shot from this camera angle Tom Cruise meets Robin. I'm sorry. Tom Hanks meets Robin. Right. That's him. Yeah. And so it's all I think I believe the entire movie is shot from this camera angle right here. I thought it was one room.

Starting point is 02:34:30 Yeah, but I think largely it is. But there are definitely scenes of like, okay, war and stuff like that. The whole movie takes place from one angle. It's like it's like everything that's ever happened here. And this one is one family. This one house is one place, you know place over the course of however many years. But they – That's him de-aged, huh?

Starting point is 02:34:50 Yeah. I actually don't know. Yeah, that one doesn't bother me as much because, I don't know, he's a weird guy where – I don't know. I feel like he always has kind of looked like that. These are the things – yeah, he does kind of look like that. But those are the kind of things where you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong with it. Yeah, it's just unsett you know it's like getting video games how they're always a

Starting point is 02:35:09 little cross-eyed there's something just a little bit off it's like um in 30 rock when i talk about the uncanny valley it is the uncanny the polar express like it's too get me out of there get me out of there unfortunately well not unfortunately that's become one of our uh christmas movies really i've never seen it so yeah my daughter something about it my daughter really likes it and i like it and i can't tell you why i like it they just it's part of the creepiness of it is is super fun and it's back when movies had like there's just a kid that talks like this and he sucks no shouldn't we get on the train now? And you're like, I miss a movie where a kid just fucking sucks. This kid sucks.

Starting point is 02:35:48 Fuck this kid. He has no redeeming quality. He's like, that kid's in my seat, conductor. Who's the worst kid in a movie? I mean, other than that kid, I mean, what comes to mind,

Starting point is 02:36:01 Bad Santa, not the kid, but the kids that bully that kid. Yeah. Those kids are shit. Thurman Merman's great, though. Bad Santa not the kid but the kids that bully that kid yeah those kids are shit Thurman Merman's great though that kid Bad Santa's great

Starting point is 02:36:09 you can one of my favorite things we watch Bad Santa every year as well and the Thurman Merman is that his name

Starting point is 02:36:16 yes Thurman Merman yes this kid isn't I think he's not getting bullied enough he has the same voice as he goes

Starting point is 02:36:22 Thurman Merman Thurman Merman I'm pretty sure that's it yeah on my head how I'm gonna sure that's it, yeah. On my head? How am I going to drop you on your head, dipshit? But Thurman Merman, you can tell.

Starting point is 02:36:35 Actually, look, this is a little Hollywood inside baseball, but you can see the reshoots in Bad Santa because Thurman Merman ages. I'm talking like a year. Really? No way. So one of the things that's really interesting to me is when movies do reshoots obviously. Because people like that I've worked with, Judd Apatow for example, tell me how important it is. You can save a movie. So you make the movie, it's not working and someone comes

Starting point is 02:37:00 in and almost always it's to add more heart. And if you watch Bad Santa, every scene that's a reshoot because thurman merman is suddenly six inches taller and like has a stubble yeah like is when they're putting out the the candles with the sand in it on the it's all the things that progress the emotional story so they made a very yeah and you can see it watch bad santa this year and anytime thurman looks like he could drive a rental car, that's 25. Notice that it's a scene that resolves the heart.

Starting point is 02:37:30 They will literally call you back to shoot again. Yeah, it's a very expensive process. Because I was going to say, if calendars don't line up and all that sort of shit. It's off the charts. Well, it's one of those things, like remember in Fight Club, where they're like,

Starting point is 02:37:50 if the cost of out-of-court settlements is uh less than the cost of a recall we won't do one yeah it's the same thing with a movie it's like if they think they'll make their money back they won't do it but if they're like let's re redo it at the end of the day it's all it's all the cheddar cheese so are. So are you an actor now? Like, are you going to focus on just acting? Buddy, it's funny. Will acting, what's happening with acting? I don't even know. What even is acting?

Starting point is 02:38:13 What even is it? What is money? Fucking lava lamp conversation. What is a state? But you really can say that about comedy, because it's like, all right, now stand-up comics are podcasters and they're also actors. And they're now apparently like, you know, political consultants and shit like that.

Starting point is 02:38:32 It's all getting very blurred. Huge movement makers. No, I've always enjoyed acting. I started in improv and I want to continue acting. The sort of bigger question I'm raising is like we sort of somebody made it made the comparison that it's almost like we're in a town like show business is a turn of the century town. And like there's the first railroad just got built through it. That's AI. That's like TikTok, all this new stuff. So there's just like a change of foot.

Starting point is 02:39:00 Totally. I'm an optimist. I'm like, we'll always be interested in watching human beings react in authentic situations. We're not unique in that. Like silverback gorillas will look at photographs of other gorillas. Like we love seeing real human stuff. We're at a point now where AI is pretty much capable of creating this podcast. But I would wager that one of the things people enjoy that are listening right now unconsciously is the fact

Starting point is 02:39:25 that you know it's real people yeah totally they can make the sounds and they can even the ums and the foibles and all that sort of stuff they can do it but if you know but that's actually a lot like the de-aging too it's like it is if you did it well and you didn't tell me you might have got away with it but once it was talked about so much and then i was watching it yeah kind of the same thing with with ai i think being a human person, most things that we do, I won't say all, but almost all of the things we do

Starting point is 02:39:50 are an excuse to connect. It's not movies. It's talking about the movie with people. It's not the movie. It's seeing yourself in the movie, relating to the character in the movie. So I think we're coming to a time where we will see the ability

Starting point is 02:40:03 to give us what we want effortlessly. And we'll go like, oh, it wasn't actually the painting. It was making the painting. It was posing for the painting. It was meeting the artist and the unveiling of the painting and the selling of the painting, all that stuff. We just want to connect with each other. So if an AI just starts giving us what we want, we'll realize what we want wasn't actually what we wanted. You shift what you want.

Starting point is 02:40:25 Or you never knew what you wanted in the first place until... Precisely. It's an interesting thought. So what I'm saying is, I don't know what the future of show business is, but I have a feeling we will continue, as humans always have, to create excuses to hang out. But there's always been, you know,

Starting point is 02:40:40 I'm sure with the green screen and CGI and special effects, it was the same thought every time. I agree. And it just kind of keeps going. They said that on The Simpsons. They were like, I forget what the exact numbers were, but they were like, we used to draw The Simpsons by hand, and it took us, I'm making this up,

Starting point is 02:40:56 but it took us three weeks to make an episode. Now we have computers and everything's rendered and generated. It takes us three weeks to make an episode because they just got more interested in their work. You do more. That tends to be what we do. Right. So we'll be surprised with what we do.

Starting point is 02:41:12 This part of it, but now you're working on that part of it instead or whatever. Again, I could be wrong, but human beings are wonderful at surprising each other and showing off. And when I say showing off, I mean in the way that Michael Jordan and showing off and when i say showing off i mean in the way that michael jordan was showing off i mean like taking a tool or a skill and flourishing it for other people to be wowed so i think i do i also think that people are always very quick and i think like part of we want to we want to kill something let's say it's the death of blank yeah and like podcasts with the death of radio radio's doing pretty good right like movies's the death of blank. Yeah. And like podcasts with a death of radio. Radio's doing pretty good. Like movies with a death of plays. Broadway's ripping.

Starting point is 02:41:49 Yeah. No one's going to go to museums anymore because we have now access to the internet. People go to fucking a lot of people go to museums. There's like things don't really die. They might be a little small, but there's always some new version. I do wonder about things like I saw on uh i saw the other day that christopher nolan planted 500 acres or whatever of crops yeah interstellar i'm like well that's happened now that you can just like make those you know what i mean yeah and but does

Starting point is 02:42:19 that even need to happen did he need to plant all the christopher nolan's still gonna do that yeah he will forever but like will you But will the other directors or whoever be like... Yeah, I think there will be a certain evolution of what we consider appropriate. Yeah, for sure. I'm not saying that's inappropriate, but the more things get streamlined, we might look back and be like,

Starting point is 02:42:39 you used to shut down seven city blocks? Yeah. Or you used to fill a stadium with... I don't know. It's a i don't know it's a lot of stuff right it's a lot of stuff but as i said that i'm like that's a lot of background actors that want to work so it's hard yeah that's true too you got to think about that that element of it it's hard yeah but um but so and and as far as the comedy like it's still you know i always think of comedy as maybe it's maybe it's when you're trying to make it and once you've made it

Starting point is 02:43:03 you can kind of take your foot off the pedal a little bit. But it does seem like one of those things you have to do like 100%. And when you're now acting... Yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny. When you look at my career from a high altitude, it sort of looks like,

Starting point is 02:43:17 sometimes people say, it's not exactly what you're saying, but like, oh, wow, you did these movies and you're doing stand-up and you're doing this. There's so much downtime like it's crazy like it's it when you look at the the aggregate like the summary it's like wow you did a lot of stuff from where i am boots on the ground i'm like it's it's uh pretty slow and pretty ordinary life there's little pops you go to winnipeg you shoot the best christmas pageant

Starting point is 02:43:41 ever okay that's two months right the rest of the year, I'm touring, I'm going to the clubs, and I love that. I think, again, I could be wrong. Maybe this will be in some documentary where I'm the joke. It's like, and look what they thought. But I do think there's, people don't go to live stand-up shows to hear the material. That's why you think you're going.

Starting point is 02:44:04 It's what I said before. You're going for an excuse to be together. And that's what we call an experience. You want to merge with an audience. The audience wants to merge with the performer. And that double merging is what we call a show. And it feels so good and so distinctly human. So that is, stand-up is still,

Starting point is 02:44:23 I always consider stand-up my wife, like my professional wife, and I sort of have little affairs. Got a little side piece. A little side piece. I got a little thing with the best Christmas pageant ever. Don't tell my wife, all right? My guma. My guma over here.

Starting point is 02:44:36 It's just a Christmas thing. It's just a Christmas thing. We saw each other under the mistletoe. But I mean, stand-ups know that know that i mean there's a certain kind of i won't call it brokenness you could try and sound cool and be like i'm broken but there's a certain feeling you get doing stand-up that is very different from a movie a movie is a much more social thing for me it was about hanging out with judy it was fun co-stars yeah it's it i got to know the director i got to know the camera guys we it was a communal it's like summer

Starting point is 02:45:11 camp it's exactly like summer camp and stand-up is like being an assassin and i really like being an assassin i like it i like you know i have this family i love my family and i just go out one weekend a month i'm a big balance person yeah i don't want to burn out i don't want my daughter to be like you were never there so i'm privileged i go out one weekend every month and i you know i feel like hitman i get my little silver briefcase i shave my head i got a little upc symbol on it i fly into town people go i love those games people go oh you're going to Pittsburgh are you going to the

Starting point is 02:45:46 Andy Warhol Museum and I'm like what I'm here to kill the governor right you know what I mean like are you insane

Starting point is 02:45:54 me and Tom Papa the great comedian we were laughing about that people go we had a gig together in Vegas and he was like my wife said

Starting point is 02:46:01 did you bring your swim trunks and we just both laughed for 20 minutes. Like, I'm going to go swim in a pool. You think I'm going to go swim? Well, you know, it's funny. It's cool on one hand. Of course I'm not.

Starting point is 02:46:12 I'm an assassin. On the other hand, really, like, you're just sitting in a dark room with light coming through Venetian blinds waiting. Like in Jason Bourne movies, you're the asset. Yeah, you're sitting in the phone range. And you get on the moped and you go to Tangiers and you do the job. But that's sort of the opposite of parenting. I make my flight.

Starting point is 02:46:30 I get to the club. I do my time. I leave. It's very regimented and pleasant. And then the rest of my life is, you know, I have gum in my hair and my daughter's starting a fire in the kitchen. How old is she? She's six. Six, yeah.

Starting point is 02:46:42 Which is the best. And I love her. You were talking about Christmas. The thing that I love now, six is prime Christmas, right? So she believes in Santa and that lore is strong. And we've only been doing that maybe since she was three or four. Yeah. And the first year that she was old enough that we told her all about Santa,

Starting point is 02:47:00 we put out the cookies. It was the first time, though. And I put them out, and I was like, all right, let's go to bed. And my wife is like, we've got to eat the cookies it was the first time though and we put i put them out and i was like all right let's go to bed and my wife is like we gotta eat the cookies yeah and i swear to god i was like oh my god i'm santa i like ate the cookie and i was like it felt like a holy moment where i was like santa is real and he's me like santa is real in the same way that united airlines is real united airlines is a fleet of airplanes and a couple corporate headquarter buildings but it is real it's united airlines show me united airlines you can't touch it you can show me a pilot and a plane that's that's

Starting point is 02:47:41 all the parents that make up santa cla I thought we – That's very cool. Isn't that weird? My daughter is turning nine, and I was like wondering, you know, is it – Is it time? Yeah, it's time. And then she was looking at the gray in my beard and asked me if I was going to turn into Santa Claus like in the movie. And she was very concerned. She was like, I don't think I want you to do that.

Starting point is 02:48:04 Like I don't want you to be Santa. Because you'll be so busy? Whatever. I actually didn't really get to the root of why she didn't want to. She was very much like, she was like, are you going to become Santa? And I was like, I don't think so. Like, would you want that? And she was like, no, like, I like you the way you are.

Starting point is 02:48:16 And I was like, we're still good. We're having a legitimate conversation about whether I will turn into it like Scott Calvin did. She still believes. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's so fun having a kid. That takes away all those Christmas angst because it's not about me.

Starting point is 02:48:32 Yeah, it's not about you anymore. It's just like making sure it's good for them. That's the whole thing with a kid. I think if you do have a new Christmas classic on your hands, that's a very cool thing to be able to watch and share with them. Dallas Jenkins, the director, was trying to make it like a little Wes Anderson,

Starting point is 02:48:48 a little Christmas story, and a little Norman Rockwell. And I watched it for the first time at the premiere. This was just like four days ago. And I was like, he did it. I'm not just kissing his ass. You know what it's like doing promo with a guy who doesn't really like the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:49:03 You can tell. You just don't bring it up. So I'm saying, I'm like a hostage of my own accord. I am safe. They are treating me well. The Best Christmas Imagine ever is a good movie. Like it is. You'll feel good.

Starting point is 02:49:17 We need that. A big thing for me is if you don't, I'll broaden it. I love this Bruce Springsteen quote where he goes, you don't remember the album going platinum you remember the ice cream sundae so because of that the times i've had things like when i publish my book my wife and i go get an ice cream sundae and it's true i don't remember the phone call i don't remember even the press tour i remember sitting with her and being like this is for the book this is insane so similarly

Starting point is 02:49:45 christmas or or whatever you're celebrating but the holidays if you don't take time to step it out and like go to the like going to the theater and seeing a christmas movie is a great way to have a christmas otherwise it's january and you go fuck was there christmas like it's just a blur or worse you just did it for other people like you were just like we do like doting like trying to figure out our parents or whatever go take your family to the movie i took my daughter and that it's a tear jerk it's one of those movies it's it's it's funny it's fun and at the end there's just a good old-fashioned cry like a christmas cry yeah yeah that's great man it's great that's what I'm proud to be a part of it

Starting point is 02:50:25 that's awesome that is awesome so that that's out this weekend now Friday November 8 November 8 thank you but hey but in the city city going to come down it's alright it's Aaron tonight in the city if you wanna go see it oh there you go great before let you I was a lot of nudity, I should tell you. There's a lot of sexy stuff. I want to tell you one story before I let you go. A couple years ago, I went through a phase where when I was exercising, I would listen to comedy. Yeah. Which is a unique thing to do, but I did it.

Starting point is 02:50:57 I'm going to take your mind off it. No, but I do remember him describing, he said he was jumping rope and laughing, like shriek laughing. And then his neighbors would say, what the fuck is wrong with this guy that's a serial killer i would do like like uh station workouts and i would jump rope on my porch and i would go inside and i had a boxing machine so i'd go inside and i'd beat the shit out of it and i'd come back out and i'd jump rope and so all my neighbors heard was things being beaten and then maniacal laughing wow things with rhythmic jumping and dirty clean was the album i was listening to oh wow i really you know i i did that at um the aladdin theater in portland and i love that space and i'm going back on december 20th and

Starting point is 02:51:40 we're going to film it for my next special that's's how much I love it. So that special, when I think about it, it's a magical one for me. It's a great space for me and I'm happy to be going back there. And not to turn that generous story into a plug, but I've never gone back to a theater and a city to do another special. And I'm really proud of this hour.

Starting point is 02:51:59 So I hope people like it. PeteHolmes.com for tickets to that. The first one sold out, but the second show show there's still tickets hell yeah but I'm really glad you like that that doesn't make

Starting point is 02:52:08 any fucking sense which was you know that joke where I go we're on a planet yeah yeah yeah and everything's made out of atoms

Starting point is 02:52:14 that doesn't make any sense the thing I like to talk about that bit is that there's certain bits that don't work reliably meaning if you're doing a joke about how

Starting point is 02:52:24 everything's made out of atoms and that's weird and that my hand is atoms and this mic stand is atoms but and when we ask science this is the line why don't these atoms go through these atoms like they yeah why the answer we get from science is we don't know that's an unknown in our reality is why do these atoms repel these atoms? That's fucking insane. That's fucking insane. To get as far as they do, but then also be like, but. Well, that's the beauty of science is they say we don't know. That's the right thing to do.

Starting point is 02:52:57 And there's theories, but nobody knows for sure. And then you add on top of that these this collection of atoms which is changing all the time while we've been talking some of the atoms that were this microphone became me some that were me became this microphone it we're constantly shifting what we are is constantly shifting but this collection of atoms is aware that it's atoms like it's become self-aware that doesn't make any fucking sense so i just mostly the joke is me just saying facts like that and screaming that is not a reliable bet so i would go out to wherever clubs it doesn't matter i'm not putting down any of these places

Starting point is 02:53:39 but you go to chicago you go to indianapolis it doesn't get it it doesn't matter even great comedy cities some crowds would just be like what is this guy so you i say this for like comedy archive purposes there's certain jokes you stop doing when you're at the clubs and then you just bring them back for the taping so that joke was like an unreliable car it would start half the time so i just dropped it from the act but then i do the special i do that bit that was like the most viral bit yeah from that show same thing with uh i am not for everybody the the joke about god that that could be kind of a rocky joke that becomes the most popular joke so there's there's a subtle uh discernment to going like it might not work in

Starting point is 02:54:22 the clubs but it's going to have its own life on the internet how we have to respect our own material how did um the one of my favorite bits i have many but the uh when you bring your wife home and you and it's you have a busty wife and it's like this is what i'm so mom and dad this is what i'm into you can't put a tarp over the porch nobody sees a house with a tarp over the porch he goes that house doesn't have a porch you still see you go that house has some big old porches and that's my wife i swear to god my whole life i've been a like a curvy woman person and i never really dated them because it was too embarrassing

Starting point is 02:55:06 to be like that's what rips my engine hey dad get a look at this it's so fucking gross i don't remember if it made the joke but when you meet someone's partner that's what they're saying yeah if they're being honest a lot of people aren't honest about what they're saying if they're being honest a lot of people aren't honest about what they're into I'm married to someone I am into this is what gets my dick going this is what sends blood and semen to my shaft

Starting point is 02:55:33 it's fucking nasty keep that shit to yourself why are you introducing your mom to that mom look at what makes me go wow wow wow wow wow we should have the holidays together look at what makes me go wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. We should have the holidays together. Look at that ass.

Starting point is 02:55:50 Look at that ass. It's fucking gross. That's nasty. It's nasty. You should just say, I have a wife. You'll never meet her. What are you, a pervert? You want to see what I like?

Starting point is 02:56:04 You're fucking nasty, Dad. You're fucking gross. Families should never meet other families. That's your business. That's it. Man, that's funny. Oh, my face and the heart. Best Christmas magic ever.

Starting point is 02:56:20 This weekend. Here's your clip. Thanks, guys. Always great to be clip. Thanks, guys. That was spectacular. Always great to be here. Thanks, man. Thanks for making it so easy. This was the last one of the day.

Starting point is 02:56:31 Oh, beautiful. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.

KFC Radio - Donald Trump Wins the 2024 US Election ft. Pete Holmes

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