KFC Radio - Feitelberg Turned Down a Hot Australian Girl For a Popsicle FT. Yamaneika Saunders
Episode Date: September 7, 2023Timecodes: 0:00 Start 06:30 Shane Gillis' special is incredible 08:37 Aaron Paul STILL has never received a dime for Breaking Bad 21:14 Kevin has his 20 Year High School Reunion 26:46 New ...Segment: Missed Signs 37:54 A new innovative way to eat popsicles 42:37 Vacation sex does not exist 48:47 Video Voicemails 01:10:45 Yamaneika Saunders Interview Preview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ZBiotics: Go to https://zbiotics.com/KFC to get 15% off your first order when you use KFC at checkout. HelloFresh: Go to https://HelloFresh.com/50kfc and use code 50kfc for 50% off plus 15% off the next 2 months!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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Why couldn't you have Popsicle time with her?
But, like, it's just like, you know when someone's talking to you and you're like,
Popsicles, Popsicles, Popsicles.
It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
90 fucking degrees, John. 90 fucking degrees.
And I do this every goddamn year where it's just summer until, like, October 15th.
And I know that.
But every time I'm like, you have some goddamn nerve being 90 degrees in September, Mother Nature.
You fickle bitch.
I remember back from the days, like, a year ago when I didn't have an air conditioning.
So for, like, six years, I always knew I wasn't getting a good night's sleep until late October.
That's when it was finally going to start to work.
It's always been that way, but then with whatever is going on with the climate, it's been way worse.
But yet and still, I always expected to shift over, switch over, and it just doesn't for like another like six weeks
it is it is weird that our minds work like that it's so dumb because like it's still summer it's
september 22nd like yeah like i know that's always been like why are we like the the seasons don't
abide by our random holiday rules right like right summer's over labor day no it's not
memorial day summer started it's
fucking like 56 degrees yeah it's cold for another month yeah like why why do we make up these
holidays as like the start and i guess it's a school thing but like the summer's the holidays
don't dictate summer it is the months the months were just made up right yeah we had emperors just
adding months halfway through like history you know like fucking around with the whole thing.
I had a new, yet again, another new I'm so old moment.
For the first time, every year prior to this, for the last 15 years, let's call it the first weekend of college football i have this moment of like
i'm gonna watch football like college is back kids are going back to school
like it's not it's not fall but we did you know it was like 70 like we had a little bit of a break
in the weather and like i'm gonna watch some like, college football shit and, like, get into it, and I –
and every time I watch, like, a half of a quarter,
and I'm like, never mind, I don't like this,
and I go back to whatever I'm doing.
But that, like, that early Saturday morning,
I have some feelings about it where I'm like –
I never even did it.
It's never, like –
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe that's part of it is I was like, I missed out on it.
I didn't go to the right school for that.
I wish I did.
So, like, this is the year maybe I pick a team or at least for the first week I kind of do the college football thing.
I'm jealous.
I wish I did it.
And I just don't like it enough to really get into it the same way other people do.
But this year I didn't even have that.
I actually kind of had it because –
Oh!
No!
That's right.
Who did they beat?
They beat –
LSU.
LSU like whooped them, right?
Fucking – you know who –
You know how the Noles do it.
You know my coach fucking did it.
Do you even know?
No.
No.
I think Jordan Travis is the quarterback.
I think that's definitely –
That's a good quarterback name.
Yeah.
That guy can win a high.
High to win a Jordan Travis.
That sounds like a thing.
But I did it.
It wasn't a night.
Yo, you should.
The fact that you even have an in, you should do it.
You should do it.
Oh, I'm not going to do it.
It would be too disingenuous.
Like I'm –
You don't have to do it like – They're like the Celtics. Like I'm rooting. I want you to win. I'm not going to do it. It would be too disingenuous. Like, I'm – You don't have to do it like –
They're like the Celtics.
Like, I'm rooting.
I want you to win.
I'm rooting for you.
Right.
I'm not going to pretend I'm fucking –
But, like, you should go to a Florida State bar and, like –
You don't have to, like, make content, I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah.
Just –
Because if I even had a shred of a reason, I think I would, like, force myself to do it.
I just got nothing.
I don't gamble.
I don't –
I have no ties to any football
any college
everywhere around me like the north
you know what I mean if I just lived in like the south
and I could just like pick a team
I think I would do it
it would be even more disingenuous for me
to even care
because I'm making it up
and you know you should do whatever you want
people can just root for whatever teams they want.
But you can make it up to an extent and then, like, everything, right?
You fake it until you make it.
Yeah.
Like, Liverpool was a bit.
I very much like Liverpool.
Right, right.
I think the problem is, and this has always been my argument against college football,
is every time I sit down and watch a game, they suck.
Yeah, yeah.
It's, you know, 52-7.
It is.
Or it's, like, you know, 0-0 and nobody can move the football.
Well, that's what I did, and this probably didn't end up happening in the FSU game.
I will watch – what do they play, 10 games?
I'll watch eight FSU games this year if they're going to be good.
I'll watch them.
But Sunday night, I had already started Snowden, unfortunately.
But I came –
God knows you can't watch Snowden any other time.
But I came upstairs.
I was watching in the basement of my house, and I came upstairs to grab can't watch Snowden Any other time But I came upstairs I was watching in the basement
Of my house
And I came upstairs
To grab a popsicle
And
Naturally
As one does
At the age of 40
My dad
Who was a man
Was watching the game
And so I walked by
And I was like
Sitting there
In a popsicle
In the back
Like oh that's a big
Fourth down stop
Alright go back to the basement
Watch my movie
See you later
And that's who we are
Like Every time Every year Prior to this That I've tried to do it All right, go back to the basement and watch my movie. See you later. That's who we are.
Every year prior to this that I've tried to do it, I'm like, nah, I'm going to go watch that season of TV.
Snowden's great, by the way.
Snowden's unbelievable.
Oh, Snowden is a series.
No, it's a movie.
Oh, the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaking of series, real quick, Lioness is unbelievable.
If you're not watching Lioness, watch Lioness.
I saw that.
So the other day I needed a series.
I'm kind of all out of TV, and I saw that, and I was like, I'm pretty sure I saw a Feidelberg tweet about it.
Is it good good or Feidelberg good?
In between.
Okay.
I like it more than it probably is good, but it's also – But it's not like –
It's Taylor Sheridan.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's a Taylor Sheridan –
What's her name?
Zoe Saldana, Nicole Kidman, Morgan Freeman. So it's like Taylor Sheridan does chicks. okay. Yeah, it's a Taylor Sheridan. What's her name? Zoe Saldana, Nicole Kidman, Morgan Freeman.
So it's like Taylor Sheridan does chicks.
Very much, kind of.
It is like –
Instead of Tim Riggins, we got a girl.
It is like this is the lioness program.
It's women at war.
But like it actually doesn't feel like that.
Like it's not like –
Right.
It is that.
It is.
It's called that and it is that.
Well, that's what –
Taylor Sheridan really mastered the art of like I'm hitting you over the head with something, but it's okay.
Like, I like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like every single swooping shot of Montana.
We know that the setting is a character.
But we like it, so it's okay.
But it's very good.
And also, this goes without saying, if we're looking at things to watch,
I watched Shane last night.
I've seen the set ten times.
Oh, every time.
Every time.
I turned it on fully knowing that it was going to be the set that I've seen
and still.
There are parts, like the Australian thing,
I'd only seen him do at Fully Loaded.
I had seen him.
Yeah, so get to see that.
Get to see that again.
So fucking funny. I put seen him. Yeah, so getting to see that. Getting to see that again.
So fucking funny.
I put it on my Instagram last night.
He does not need promotion, but if you haven't heard of Shane Gillis, go check out his Netflix. I was like, you should come by before you move and just promote the special.
And he was like, yeah, sure.
I was like, eh.
Wait, when's he moving?
Oh, I.
Has he moved? No, i think like in october i think oh really yeah oh okay i maybe i'll i i'll ask him if that was not supposed to be i mean he's
moving in like four weeks so it's not out of the bag eventually he's got to be yeah um but yeah i
think uh i think that's officially happening um so good. Just like – I almost wish I didn't see his sets.
Imagine watching that fresh.
Yeah, yeah.
We talk about – we have an interview today with Yamanika Saunders, who's a stand-up comedian.
And we talked about the difference between watching comedy live and watching comedy special on TV.
And how when you're at a show live, everything's hilarious because
you're either a little bit drunk, laughter is contagious, the room, the acoustics, the
person is live and whatever the reasons are.
And then when I watch a special on TV, I'm a little more critical and I'm a little more
like, you know, let's see if you can make me laugh.
So if I hadn't seen shane's material
and saw for the first time i would have been sitting by myself how which is a really rare
thing to to you know to do so uh i was it i've seen it i was sitting by myself crying yeah like
literally like but if you're if you're getting that fresh for the first time it's like the people
who are you know when people like, I've never seen Breaking Bad.
Oh my god.
Bro, speaking of that, did you see Aaron Paul on the picket line?
No.
They don't get any money.
What do you mean?
They still – they don't get paid for Breaking Bad.
He was like – it was like a TMZ type camera thing and he's like he's like breaking bad is
still a top 10 show on netflix i do not get paid for breaking bad be on netflix like he like he
doesn't get paid a lot really no he does i do i see i received zero dollars for that or i get no
money or whatever he said that's sometimes i try to think of it like from the other side because
i'm so firmly like that's fucking crazy but it like maybe you know maybe it just gets unrealistic where it's
like well what is it like there's a million people on the show like everybody like do you how do you
pay like everybody but like that's that's the argument we use with college sports and i don't
accept it where it's like it's tough figure it out yeah figure it out yeah like even even if
it's like okay you were like a fucking uh what do they call them grips or whatever yeah you know
then you get like a very very very little bit but you get something yeah and then the top two stars get
a lot and then vince gilligan and the studio whatever get the most yeah but there should but
that's what i mean i wonder if it's like if you break it all down okay aaron paul we figured out
the you know here's the breakdown you get like a couple thousand bucks but it's like then it's you
know then that's that dude at least you feel like you're part of it. And you did like, did something like it is.
And then people were like, oh, millionaires crying.
And it's like, dude, it's like, yes, that is what's happening.
But like, just think of it as like your job.
Like you put yourself in that spot.
It is literally a millionaire whining is also literally a person fighting for their worth.
Right.
Like it.
And it's also like thousandaires whining.
It's not all millionaires.
In that specific instance, it was literally that.
But then also, hey, if Aaron Paul
is not getting money, do you think the lesser
guys are? Do you think the writers are?
Those guys want Aaron Paul to get money because that means
100%. Trickle-down economics.
Reagan, baby.
But I thought the saddest
thing was Darius Rucker when he was like, there's so much money.
We could all be millionaires.
Yeah.
But instead, like one person gets to be a billionaire.
That's nuts.
Like he was so like he has the right to be mad about it.
And he was just like, this is just kind of fucked up.
Why don't we just all.
I do.
I like maybe it's because I'm still not.
I'm really not young anymore.
But I don't get how you don't want to give it to the people who...
You don't realize that...
It doesn't make sense to me.
It just doesn't.
Isn't it...
I would just feel...
Like an asshole.
I'm not talking about... If I had a billion dollars that I earned
and then there are people who like
who are around me who like didn't earn it
don't get it but like when
you are
like the producer of a show
or the
network of a show
like yeah they made the fucking show
what are you talking about
it's literally their show i mean i i uh i don't i don't think people
are like us though i think more people are like i'm gonna get all this money and keep it it's like
dude i'll tell you when when everybody got fired last week i for sure had some sort of like
survivor's guilt going on having just gotten my equity.
I was like –
They didn't?
But a couple people who were close to me, I was like, could I actually pay them?
I could.
I think that's crazy.
But that's like – and yeah, it is.
But it's like that went through my mind on this scale.
If I was the owner of a streaming thing and i had billions
and i was like i love the hbo guy i don't know the name of the hbo guy but yeah like if i was
that dude and it's like hey man all we want to do is like split up the billions so that we're all
like tens of millionaires and like you'll still be like probably a single billionaire or whatever
like whatever i just can't imagine once it's's public that you give a.0002%, you'll be like, all right, you guys got me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was just hoping nobody ever found that out.
I wonder if those guys were like...
That's like the guy who stole the tabbies.
What?
You see the viral video of the guy who stole the tabbies. What's see the viral video the guy who stole the tabbies
what's that mean it's like a shoe it's a very popular shoe and uh this woman went viral for
um she matched with the guy she saw a guy in soho came home later that night she had a message
room on tinder she didn't realize they previously matched he was like he's like yo you're looking
good like let's grab a drink and she was like, he's hot. I was down, whatever. Come back to my house.
Oh, they exchanged numbers.
A few days later, meet up, drinks, come back to her apartment, sleep together.
In the morning, he's like, I got a Spotify place I want to show you.
And he doesn't have Spotify on his phone.
So he's like, can I use yours?
She's like, sure.
And he's on the phone for a while.
And he's like, I can't find it.
Never mind.
I got to go.
And then they leave. And she comes home later that night. And she's like, we can't find it. Never mind. I gotta go. And then they leave
and she comes home
later that night
and she's like,
we were talking about tabbies
which is a very popular shoe.
It's an expensive shoe.
It's like a $700 shoe.
You've seen it
where it's like
only the toe.
The toe is separate
from the other toes.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she's like,
I look at my shoe rack
and my tabbies are gone
and I go to,
I don't want to be accusatory
so I was going to go ask him like have
you seen him what did you see him and like his his numbers deleted and his numbers deleted from
the call log and his tinder's unmatched and i was like he fucking stole my tabbies and then she like
i i don't know how the next jump happened but she like
somehow got back in contact with him it was was like, yo, you have my tab.
Oh, no, no, no.
She made this video and it went viral because she still had his screenshots of his Tinder profile.
And then he reached back out to her and was like, yo, you got to delete that.
And she's like, no, you stole my tabbies.
And he's like, if you can prove I stole them, I'll find.
And then she sent a reply a screenshot of like his IG story
and his girlfriend
had him on
and he just replied
alright you got me
and like
like that is
like when you're dead to rights
like alright
you know
he goes
alright you got me
give me time
I'll play something
you don't
amazing like fair play fair play we're both trying some things here something he does.
Amazing.
Fair play.
Fair play.
We're both trying some things here.
He got me.
I mean,
he almost got away with it.
Like,
if it wasn't for that picture,
what would she have said?
You know what I mean?
Because I think
it went viral.
By the way,
anytime somebody says
if you can prove it,
that's the proof.
Yeah.
When I'm putting
the burden of proof on you, I'm admitting I did it.
But, you know, like, I would have bet that all the people, all the streaming, heads of streaming, were like,
you know, the day that they find out, that the public finds out, we give them.015 of a penny.
Like, we're fucked.
Or the opposite.
Or the day they find out no one watches any of this shit.
Well, the music and videos videos are different i think i people are listening to music i think oh yeah you can see you know billions of streams and then we're and
it's just like if you gave one penny like he said everyone be rich like and i bet you those guys
were like dude did you see the news today on, like, you know, deadline? Like, the world found out.
We're only giving them a one millionth of a penny.
Like, we're fucked.
And then they were like, oh, we're not.
Okay.
Everyone's just listening to music.
Like, I mean, the artists are complaining, but nobody's listening.
Whatever.
Fuck it.
Those guys are just content to just be like, like that is so bad that,
you know,
every time those people like go to an event or something,
you need like Portnoy be like lies,
lies,
lies,
Hitler,
you need someone like you are a thief.
You steal like every single time.
Yeah.
I,
I said it on that interview.
I don't think it's that far fetched.
I think they could do it tomorrow.
If,
if all the,
the top,
top,
top guys got together,
I think it would change the
industry it is it is like what a college football when i said like the it is so weird that they're
like well like how are we gonna pay everybody i don't know but also figure it out that's not i'm
not the cfo you have to pay everybody that's how it works and also like i hear the numbers like
there's i hear that like you know one college football program alone makes like 40 million
dollars a game or something there's enough to go around now well you know, one college football program alone makes like $40 million a game or something.
There's enough to go around now.
I like, well, we have to spend like, it goes like, it goes in all these ways.
Like, well, stop giving it to them and give it to me.
I wonder though, if, if like, especially, especially if you're talking about college
football and it's like, uh, I don't know, man, I got some like good old Southern boys
boosters who I have to pay like $50 million a year. And if I don't do that, they're got some good old Southern boys boosters who I have to pay $50 million a year.
And if I don't do that, they're not going to be happy.
So I got to take care of that first so I don't get my legs chopped off.
Well, no, the boosters pay them.
Well, yes.
But whoever, I mean, listen.
There's a system in place to keep a lot of fucking people rich and happy.
And if all of a sudden you change that.
But the argument that I've read is that it goes to and to like other sports programs that don't make money.
And it's like, OK, well, maybe those are failing businesses and this should just be a league that does its own thing.
Well, yeah, yeah.
Like I hate when people are like – there's so many more sports than just like football.
It's like, well, they don't get money.
Right.
Or they get like,
here's like $15.
Cause you swim.
If I was a football player,
I don't want to fucking fund the swimming team.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well,
that's like,
I mean,
yeah,
it's like running like a charity.
It's like,
this is your,
this is,
you know,
why is communism so bad?
Yeah.
Cause of fucking,
you know,
like,
like intramural swimming.
That's why,
that's why it doesn't work.
But yeah, I mean, I wish I could be a part of it.
Instead, I'll just talk about the economics of it.
I'd be a loser.
Do you watch cultural ballpads?
Yeah, but I don't really have a team.
I went to South Carolina, and I could care less about if they win or not.
Oh, yeah.
You got Gamecock off of Darius.
You got like – what do you mean?
You should –
Did you mention that to Darius Rucker?
You're a fucking Gamecock?
But I'm a poser.
Like, I didn't go to a game the two years I was there.
Dude, look, here's the deal.
I'm a fucking.
You're a gnoll.
You're a cock.
I'll sit right here, and I'll tell you.
Look, I'm rooting for the team, but I don't live and die with them.
Yeah, yeah.
If fucking Chris Wanky walked through the door.
I don't know.
Did you say it to D?
Guess what?
Gnoll up.
Of course I said it to D.
I tweeted it to D like ten times. Did you say it to Dion? Guess what? No love. Of course I said to Dion.
I tweeted to Dion like 10 times. He didn't care.
The,
um,
yeah,
that's,
yeah.
If I'm,
if I'm around people,
if I'm around a regular person,
I explained to them the entire situation.
I'm around a celebrity.
I'm like,
Oh,
I thought about it too.
I should have done it.
Did you see him
the other day
talking about
when they were like
somebody asked him
about being a seminal
or something like that
no
he said
I think the question
was very like
have you like
paid
like given back
to Florida State
or something like that
and he was like
or they said like
Florida State gave you
everything or something
like that
and he was like
oh no no no no no I earned everything like they were lucky to have me like
you know that's that sort of thing he was like i'm uh you know i think i think it was like i'm a
buffalo now and i don't know whatever that's like the john mulaney and he's like
college sends you a letter like hey it's been a while since you've done it it's been a while
since you close uh since you fed and housed me yeah it's been a while since you donated. It's been a while since you fed and housed me.
Yeah, it's been a long time since you've
done anything for me at all.
I cannot, you know,
when Fordham calls
for a donation,
next time they do it,
I'm going to ask the person on their
line. Because I know it's just some kid who's got a call.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want to go like, yo, bro, do you think
this is reasonable that you're asking for this? i know i know i know what fordham
guys are like yeah this is fucking great but like a school like that it's like okay so a long time
ago i made the poor mistake of going to a place that you literally didn't keep me safe. You gave me terrible food, a horrendous sporting experience,
and an okay education.
And you think 20 years later I want to give you money for it?
You think you'll reserve a percentage of my income for the rest of my life?
Like, what are you –
Get the fuck out of here.
What a scam.
That was like the viral – I saw a viral tweet the other day that was – it was like when I was 17, I wasn't allowed to get a Limp Bizkit tattoo because I didn't have a Guardian signature.
So I cried and punched a street lamp.
Three months later, I was given a $300,000 loan to get an art degree.
Student loans are the downfall of like America.
You know what I got coming up uh my
20th high school reunion really yep this this year and then you're going i think so yeah i mean
some like i'm still i don't see them a lot but i talk enough with with uh people, and the people who are running it were my friends.
Yeah, yeah.
So if it was the girls putting it together, I never knew.
I probably wouldn't get a text or whatever, but they texted me.
But they're doing no spouses.
It's just the people.
I like that.
Yeah, which is kind of cool because it's like Yeah it'll just be Like us you know
But
Get the fuck that girl
Yeah
Somebody
No wives allowed
Yeah
I was gonna say
Somebody was horned up
In that decision
But I think
So many people go
To those things
To flex a little bit
But if you're just
Amongst each other
Yeah
I mean you can still flex
Don't get me wrong But when you're not Showing it to I mean, you can still flex, don't get me wrong,
but when you're not showing it to anybody else,
like, you could show up and be rich,
you could be famous,
you could be this,
you could be that,
you'll fall right back into your role.
Like, someone might bully the fuck out of you,
you know, the first minute they see you,
doesn't matter who you are now.
So, but that is an interesting wrinkle to it
that I didn't,
I don't know if other people do that.
I think it's also just like a numbers thing.
If everybody brings a plus one, all a sudden you know you gotta like double
I think that does end up being I think that ends up like taking like that's what it's about yeah
if I went with somebody I would definitely like show up say hello you know and then be like ask
yeah and this has more of a chance of me, like, you know, staying all night long and, you know, doing whatever.
So, but that 20 is, like, when I saw, like, the number,
when I saw the text coming through, I was like,
what anniversary is this?
I'm surprised it's only your 20s.
I think my 20s.
I graduated when I was 18.
I'm 38.
What year is it?
I guess I, like, I thought I graduated,
because mine's in three years that's how it works John
but I thought you were
four years older than me
I think
I thought
I was four
you told me you were three
oh is that
maybe I listened to you
yeah I think
I think that was me
but wait
you're thirty
I just turned thirty-five
thirty-five
okay so then yeah
three
yeah that makes sense
but that feels like a
I feel like just
my class tried to have
a 5 year reunion
and I remember being like
guys we still like hang out
I think we had a 5
I think 5 standard
is it?
I think so
maybe I'm wrong
maybe it's a 10
it just wasn't a reunion
it was like we're just
planning a night together
yeah yeah yeah
but it was like
we were at the bar
last weekend.
This one is going to be
like, you know, I'm
seeing people and some
people in 20, 10, 15
years.
It's fucking crazy.
So we'll see how that
goes.
I think it's.
Soon.
Early.
Early.
Early.
I want to say it was
like November and I
think that's good because
I was like, you got me
early enough
you know
like
like I'll
I'll put this on my calendar
yeah yeah
if you told me it's next week
I'm not coming
it is
I don't know
I can't find the text
but
these
dude I
I just
some of these pictures
of me that
that come through
just crack me the fuck up
they're just so random
that is very funny
and then like that one
is just like what
you look very much the same
I mean I'm way skinnier
like my face is skinnier
but yeah
well yeah
we all have busy lives these days I mean, I'm way skinnier. Like, my face is skinnier. But, yeah. Oh, yeah.
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Anyway, I'm old as shit.
So we got Yamani Saunders on the show, who is very like.
Introspective and deep. yeah yeah when she went to at the la school for arts or whatever it's called and i was like oh yeah this checks out because
it was some but man that she has a story about getting booed at the apollo that is
it's it may it's making john take uh one thing I learned out of retirement. Probably.
It was that good.
I very much want to.
It's just having the fourth follow-through, which is awesome.
Getting booed for 60 blocks is just hilarious.
Yeah, it's so good.
I got booed for 60 blocks.
It's so fucking good.
You think you have an embarrassing failure story?
Watch this for inspiration.
So we'll get into that later.
We got voicemails. What do you got for me today johnny i got new segment idea it's one time segment that's the only way
i'm doing segments now that's what our segments are that's what they are yeah so new time new
segment missed signs missed signs you are the king of them let me know if i missed a sign here
literally every time john has said this it's like like, Joe, this girl said, let me suck your dick.
And I just, like, walked out.
Did I miss a sign?
Now, I probably shouldn't even tell this story.
As another John thing.
But I like to see a good thing and go, it would be pretty funny if I fucked that up.
But so I'm walking out of my apartment building today.
For those who don't know that well,
my apartment's like four floors.
Everyone has their own floor.
And I have the girls up top
who are scared of you.
And then I got my boy,
Valdir and his niece
On the third floor
And then me
And the bottom's empty
And so I'm walking out
Going to the market for some late night snacks
It was probably about a week ago
And I'm opening the door
And on the third floor
Is
It's three girls
And two of them were scared But I never saw the third floor is three girls. And two of them were scared who came down.
But I never saw the third.
And there's this girl walking up.
What was that story again?
They thought some guy was on the roof.
And they came to you to be like, can you do something about it?
Yeah.
And there was, wasn't there?
No, no, no.
There was a guy.
Once I got up there, they just did it.
So I didn't even have to do anything.
They were like, oh, we feel safe. Which I totally get when you're like, I just feel safer now. they were they just did it like so i didn't have to do anything yeah like they were like oh we feel which i totally get when you're like i just feel i feel
safer now so yeah let's open it up um and uh so we're like um i'm walking out someone's walking
in this woman's walking in the door shuts behind me and she's like oh can you open that and i was
like oh yeah and uh so i open it and and uh she goes goes, you're the guy who works at Barstool's, right?
He's Australian.
And I was going to try to do an accent.
I tried to do it.
I couldn't do it either.
Barstool feels like a good word.
I don't know why Barstool is like any other word.
I would have been like, I'll just do it.
Barstool is a good Australian accent word.
I bet it sounded good, but I can't do it.
I can't do it, yeah.
Because they probably say, like, Ba, Ba, Bar uh i don't know why i can't do it like in my head i was like yeah
but you're so right i would have gone shrimp on the bobby but barstool i won't say that was
exactly the word of the year i'll get that one out just skip it um and uh i was like i was like
yeah yeah and she's like that's wait the way, did she say barstools?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody does it.
And she's explaining how that's funny.
And her guys are – her guy friends are big fans.
And she jokingly sent me a DM one night that we should go to the bodega.
And I don't check my DMs.
I don't know.
And she pulled up and showed me.
I was like, ah!
And then I went in the market and I got some popsicles and went to bed.
Did I miss the sign when it was literally a sign that she held up and said,
look at this sign.
I sent you a digital sign on the fucking phone that said, let's hang out.
Was she hot?
Yeah.
You are the worst.
It was. I'm not.
You know, we've talked before about being the guy that the guy who's like obsessed with getting laid is the worst, you know.
But there's a healthy medium.
There's a healthy in-between. And being the guy,
like, for the guys out there
who struggle,
who would murder someone
to have such a simple in
as, you're the Barstools guy.
And then you just
piss in the face of that.
You just disregard that completely.
The DMs were, like, she said her, like, it was a joke. She said, like, Yeah face of that. You just disregard that completely. The DMs were like, she said her,
it was a joke,
she said,
like,
Yeah, of course.
Like, alright,
she's not a complete hoe
who just like,
is like,
let's fuck.
But it's right next to that.
She's very nice.
I like her.
And she lives in the building?
I couldn't really tell.
Have you seen an Australian girl
around the building often?
No, I never see anybody.
It was, you know,
I was in Popsicle mode. So I? No, I've never seen anybody. It was, you know, I was in popsicle mode.
So I was like, I need some fucking popsicles.
And so like.
Why couldn't you have popsicle time with her?
But like, it's just like, you know when someone's talking to you and you're like, popsicles, popsicles, popsicles.
By the way, I almost exclusively think that's what's going on every time I talk to you.
Hey, John, we got to talk about something else.
I absolutely will tailor things that I've got to talk to you about around your food schedule.
Like, I know if it's at the end of the afternoon and we've just recorded and you're hungry, I'm like, don't tell John that.
We'll talk to him in the morning.
Because he's probably thinking about popsicles.
But she was like, I'm so awkward.
I'm so weird.
And like, I don't know.
And she's like, yeah, so why can't I do the Australian accent?
Whatever.
And she's like, yeah, like I've heard so about it.
They thought it would be funny if I sent you a DM.
So here's a DM.
And I'm like, I like.
Bro, yeah, come on.
It's like, I'm too scared.
It sounds like I'm too scared to go to the Bodega Lounge.
Can you come with me or something like that?
And I was like, ah, it's funny.
It's funny.
Poshless, poshless, poshless.
And the whole time I'm like drifting down the stairs like,
See ya.
I'm out of here. I'm talking to a woman.
She's scaring me.
Poshless, poshless, poshless.
And the worst, bro. What would you do? I have no idea live in G. Scaramie. Posh, posh, posh, posh. And the worst, bro.
What would you do?
I have no idea what this is.
Just if you, like, blatantly went up to a guy and were like, oh, you're that guy.
Or, you know, my friends, like, we have friends in common, whatever, like, the obvious hook is.
And she was like look i even like
sent you a dm one time and he's just like yeah yeah cool cool cool bye bye bye bye i gotta get
popsicles like just the signs just just flying over his head at all times wait like was she
trying to hit on you yeah i like that i honestly don't think yeah i honestly passing at his building
and she stops him and she's like, oh, you're
the barstools guy, right?
And he's like, yeah.
And she's like, like
funny story.
Like one time me and
my friends were like
talking and they said
I should DM you.
So I sent you a DM
being like, hey, do
you want to go to the
bodega with me?
Like, look, here it
is.
And he was like, I
gotta go get
popsicles.
I gotta get
popsicles.
That's really
socially awkward.
Right?
I mean, not that you have to be like,
let's go fuck.
But like,
at the very least,
like,
entertain her flirting or something.
But that's very much,
you know.
No, she definitely is like,
so,
she shot her shot.
I'm ugly.
Yeah, totally.
She was very pretty.
She was very pretty.
Why wouldn't you fucking?
Just entertain it.
Be like,
yes,
send me another DM or something.
Were you like, you really, like, I'm assuming that you wanted a popsicle at that time.
I was.
Like, I was.
Look, it was like 9 o'clock at night.
It was about snack time.
And I was playing it up a little bit for the story.
But, like, yeah, I was pretty heavy in snack mode at the time.
I actually do understand that, especially as, like, older.
Like, I can't, like, flip into that mode.
Like, I'll be like –
Like, I had just showered and put on my, like, bed clothes.
But then I was like, I can't get in bed without snacks.
So I wanted to get snacks without –
I'm coming around.
I'm coming around.
Because, like, there was a time and place where if a pretty girl came up to me and said that I would be like, throw out whatever plans I just.
Yeah, let's go.
I would be like, I got a pint of ice cream.
Let's resume this tomorrow at an earlier hour.
You know, catch me before it's snack time and we could talk.
But I mean, that that's particularly crazy.
A hot Australian girl stops you and tells you a story about how she privately messaged you and then shows it to you.
And you're just like, see you, girl.
Were you going to the bodega at the time?
I was not.
I was going to the market.
They don't have popsicles at the bodega.
Logistically, it wasn't going to work.
They do have popsicles at the CVS, which is nearby.
But they don't have the popsicles I like, the mango and tahini.
Those are quite yummy. And that's over at the market., which is nearby, but they don't have the popsicles I like, the mango and tahini. Those are quite yummy.
And that's over at the market.
I can't believe your legitimate question.
I was joking when I said it was popsicle time, but your question was like –
Oh, so you were into your popsicles at the moment?
I guess I got it.
I mean part of me respects your commitment to your craft that is being John Feidelberg. But god damn.
I just know that there are guys
at home screaming right now.
Screaming at the TV.
Screaming at their phone.
What the fuck?
It was one way the next morning.
I was like, did you
not give a hot Australian the time of day
last night? What the fuck was that all about?
I was like,icles popsicles popsicles
But here's the thing
This segment right here
All but ensures you
Another chance at this
And you're not gonna do it
She's going to be back in DMs
She said something
Before she showed the DM
She was like I think she said I'm moving out
So I don't give a fuck.
It was, like, again, I was, it's part popsicles, part, like, someone's talking to me, and I wasn't planning on talking to anybody.
So, like, I was stressed.
That I do understand.
It was, like, I wasn't fully present.
So, I was, like, fuck, shit, yeah, ha, ha, ha, see you later.
I could see it being, like, this is embarrassing to show you this, but I'm moving out, so I don't care.
Yeah, there was something. But still, if it was in your apartment, one way or another, you have a connection.
Either she lives there or her friends are living there.
She knows the show.
Her friends know the show.
This is going to be put out there.
You're going to have another crack at it, and you're just going to keep eating popsicles.
Either literally or metaphorically, you're just gonna keep eating popsicles either literally or metaphorically you're gonna eat your popsicles that's like like this is my goodwill hunting
speech to you like i just want you to stop eating fucking popsicles one day just tell me you're not
eating popsicles that's all i want one time i just some emotional moment where John says to me, last night I didn't eat popsicles, man. All right.
Totally different aside.
I found the best popsicles.
A new way to eat popsicles.
A new way.
Dude, so here's the deal.
They are a bit difficult to eat.
Bro, so we all know I'll get up in my sleep, I'll get popsicles, whatever.
Sometimes I'll forget to eat them, so they'll melt in the bag.
Tell me you refreeze them?
Refreeze them.
They're flat?
But you do it.
No, you do it.
It's a popsicle.
So a lollipop.
Lollipops.
It's all crammed into the...
Dude, last night I went...
It was a complete accident.
He stole the full wood stick.
Yeah.
So it was a complete accident.
And that's why also really...
Really compact.
Yeah, like really sugary. It was... I'm'm gonna do it now like lollipopsicles it was lollipopsicles
it was a complete act like like i didn't even know it was gonna happen yeah because like i
like last night again am i like it is crazy how much i talk about this but like i don't know it's
basically all that goes on in my life and Eating in your sleep. Eating in your sleep.
Yeah.
I mean, every episode.
It's crazy.
I saw they made a clip
out of it on a board play.
I don't...
I'm well aware
that it's absurd.
It's the only thing you do.
It's nonsense that I talk about.
It's so dumb.
But like,
I went and grabbed it
in my sleep again,
and I remember getting in bed, and I was like, this is crazy.
This is really good.
That's all it takes though.
Like you know when they say that like everything has been invented and no ideas are original?
And obviously that's a little bit silly.
But like – but it kind of is.
Like every idea is just tweaking an existing idea.
If you just took popsicles, and instead of covering the whole stick, it only covers the top stick.
But the top stick is a concentrated popsicle.
You could even get away with selling less popsicle, but you market it as a lollipopsicle.
And people buy it because they're like, oh, it's so cute.
Like cake pops.
It was, but it's like a big popsicle.
A big lollipop. Right, oh, it's so cute. Like cake pops. It was. But it's like a big popsicle. A big lollipop.
Right, right, right.
I'm like a kid at the fucking fair in the 70s.
20s, whenever they did that.
Like when Money Bites came out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They were just like, we're just going to give you the bottom of the ice cream cone.
Brilliant.
That's just a hook that's.
I actually never cared for those.
Really?
Yeah.
I remember you were like – you were like buy 10 boxes or whatever.
Yeah.
The dark chocolate.
I bought them all and I think I still have a bunch of bags.
Because that was last summer.
You told me.
You told me we were at my house.
Do you not like the bottom of ice cream cones?
I do.
Maybe I like it better with milk.
I don't ever drink it with milk.
If you're eating a chocolatey snack, you got to have milk with it. milk. I don't ever drink it with milk. I mean, if you're eating a chocolatey snack, you've got to have milk with it.
Yeah, I don't usually.
Not that I'm not like a brownie.
Like, I can eat a cookie, fine.
But a brownie, yes, I've got to have milk.
I just never thought to.
I don't ever eat anything chocolatey without milk.
That's crazy.
It is.
Well, like, I mean, like, I do a lot of chocolate caramels, chocolate peanut butter, and stuff like that.
So, like, I don't do milk with those.
But that's like.
All of it gets milk.
Really?
Yeah.
That's more sugar.
I do milk with a treat.
With a pastry?
A pastry, yes.
That's fair.
But all you need is like, this is a snack that already exists in this shape,
and I'm turning it to this shape or whatever, and then it takes off.
Yeah.
Because people at the end of the day just want to eat, fuck, and relax.
Take a product in those
three things and repackage it
and you're good to go.
But yes,
for the segment of
did I miss the signal? It's a resounding yes.
And I really want to hear from
Australian Girl somehow, someway.
So if you, Australian Girl, if you're listening or watching or your friends are, you know the scenario.
If you're the friend who, I'm sure she went back upstairs and said, this fucking guy.
Autistic guy on the second floor loves Popsicles.
Did you say Popsicles?
No, I didn't say anything.
But I was in like a t-shirt and shorts.
I was like, gosh, I'm going to watch a movie.
That is a fair time, you know.
If you're a young 20-something, you probably don't comprehend that.
But just wait.
Yeah.
It's funny when you, you know, like, when I was younger, I would have told you,
there would never be a day where a hot Australian couldian could come by me and i would just be like peace but then you get there and you're like well it
does happen yeah i was like taking my like vitamin d3 and fish oils in the morning
was that a hot australia last night that we like what the fuck dude yeah that shit happens though
even like uh i remember when guys would be like oh oh, you know, like, I can't, like, hook up after I have, like, a big meal or something.
Bro, I will eat, you know, fucking anything.
And then if I got a chance to have sex, I'm having sex.
Now I'm like, oh, I got a plan.
If you're expecting sex tonight, I got a plan my whole fucking night.
Dude, Aziz has a joke about that where his wife's white and there's like a bigot yelling at them in England.
And he's like, you're disgusting.
You're disgusting.
What are you going to go do now?
Go home and have sex.
And his wife turns around and was like, yes, we are.
And he's like, well, we had a big dinner that night.
He's like, we'll get to beating bigotry tomorrow.
So true.
That's when you're truly at the –
Dude, that's what – bro, people about vacation sex.
Vacation sex, dude, for me does not exist.
Yeah, because you eat.
I eat on vacation, bro.
Vacation is a break from everything in life, including sex.
Vacation, like on the flat-out road, just so you know, you're not getting in these pants.
If you even fucking look at my belt buckle during this trip, you are.
Were you always that way, though?
No.
There was definitely a time where I remember
being like, we're going to be hotel sex.
We're going to do kinky shit.
What happens on vacation stays on vacation.
Now I'm like, there's going to be that
buffet in the morning.
Then there's a really good lunch spot.
Then there's a five-star restaurant.
We're going to be in food comas
pretty much the whole time.
It's like
everyone's on the same page yeah yeah that's that's uh relationship bliss is if you if you
want to be having sex and you're not it's a disaster that's like that's you know that's
gonna ruin your relationship uh if one person wants it the other person doesn't like you're done um and then when you're both
in like fuck mode it's fun that's great but true happiness is when you can be out of fuck mode and
still be happy yeah and be like we're good like you're not worried like we haven't had sex in a
while like yeah it's because we've been eating like pigs. It's like, we're fat right now. It would be a fucking
violation of Nuremberg trials
if we had sex
during this thing.
Like,
dude.
Because I,
I mean,
it's just like,
there's just too much.
You know,
it's too much,
like physically,
emotionally,
too much going on.
Right before the plane
takes off,
I go,
okay,
should I just whisper
real quick?
I'm like,
just so you know,
if you fuck me,
it's rape.
I am here by the second these wheels get off the ground,
consent is gone. Let's go to voicemails.
That was fucking great.
The fall is here, which means it's time for – well, the fall is almost here.
It means it's time to switch up the menu a little bit maybe on HelloFresh.
You switching up –
A lot of pork.
I was going to say.
You're on your pork kick.
A lot of pork on the fall.
I did for breakfast this morning.
I had some pork.
Yeah.
I had pork.
Like breakfast pork or like pork pork?
Pork pork.
But I don't do breakfast.
More my meals.
Meal one, meal two, meal three.
That's it, dude.
That's it.
But I got some cayenne chicken cutlets, fire.
I got – what else do I have?
What kind of – I'll tell you.
It's definitely another chicken meal.
But in the fall, they start hitting you.
You can get some stews.
They're mighty.
I don't want to speak out of turn.
There might even be chowders that are available.
They're definitely stews.
They're definitely chilies.
Oh, mama.
HelloFresh knows what's up.
It is.
I feel like HelloFresh was just like, bro, let's just please John Feidelberg and it'll work.
I was talking.
I went out.
I got drinks actually the other night with the boy, Big Daddy Trent.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, dude.
Me, Trent, and Nate went out and grabbed some beers.
And we went to the No-Tell Motel in the East Village.
Great spot.
And we were just talking about how much we order and stuff like that.
And I was like, dude, I just do HelloFresh.
And, like, I went full, like, I'm a marketing pitch for HelloFresh.
Trent was like, wait, really?
I was like, yes, dude, I do HelloFresh.
I'm like, it's been four years.
I do HelloFresh every week, six meals.
It's fucking awesome.
And as I was explaining it to him, I think Trent was like, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to get HelloFresh.
I was like, yeah, it makes the most sense.
It's been on our show for so long for a reason. It doesn't cycle through and go out like other sponsors.
It's here because it's real and we do it.
And they continue to offer the best deals.
You go to HelloFresh.com slash 50KFC.
Use promo code 50KFC.
You get 50% off.
Plus 50% off the next few months.
So you get all of your meal.
Think about how much money you spend on food.
Imagine if it was already less than that because you're
not paying delivery fees and up charges.
And then, so it's like groceries
but half of that. It's 50% off?
Yeah. Okay, so I know what it costs. It's about
$70. $50 off
means you're getting a week's worth of food
for one single food order. It's crazy.
That's nuts. A week of
delicious, healthy, good food
for a single, seamless door dash, whatever you want to use. That's crazy to me. A week of delicious, healthy, good food for a single, seamless, door-to-door, whatever you want to use.
Like, that's crazy to me.
And all of it is just pre-packaged, pre-portioned with all the ingredients and recipes.
High-quality products.
I remember when I was home for the pandemic and I was getting – I just had my – I just shifted my delivery.
I just – what you can do, like, if you're going on vacation, if you've got an Airbnb or something like that, you can just shift it, deliver it to your house.
But my mom was, like, going through it when we were, again, during the pandemic.
And she's like, this is a really nice vinegar.
This is the thing that had labels on it.
She's like, this is all high-quality stuff.
It's unbelievable.
It's 50% off when you first order.
And then over the next two months, an additional 15%.
So you keep the savings.
And you can change the menus, get all the ingredients.
You don't have to know how to cook anything.
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and you have high-quality meals right there in your home.
So HelloFresh.com slash 5050KFC, promo code 50KFC to get 50% off
plus 15% off over the next two months.
You know, fights, KFC, everyone else.
I got to – I don't know. I want to start this off by clarifying that I am 21 and pretty stupid.
And I crave attention, try to get people to laugh.
So last weekend, I left the bar at 3 in the morning and walked home 5 miles.
Because I thought it would be a really funny story.
And then when everyone woke up in the morning,
they were all concerned about why I chose to do that.
And nobody thought it was funny like I did.
So, yeah, I just wondered if you guys had ever, you know,
done something because you thought other people, you know,
you thought it would be funny.
And, yeah, they just ended up concerned about you.
So, yeah.
Wait, what was it?
Have I ever done something that I thought was funny
and people ended up concerned?
Yeah.
You just described my wife.
I was just saying.
Almost everything I say on the internet at all times.
I'm like, yo, are you good?
I saw you have a meltdown on Twitter yesterday.
Are you good?
I thought that was funny.
You guys weren't laughing or shit?
Yeah, that's a wild question to ask us.
Like, everything we do.
Yeah.
I mean, almost exclusively, I regret everything I put on the internet.
And because it usually garners a reaction of like, are you all right?
I can't stand that when people reach out and they're like, I just want to check on you.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm about to.
I bet you shut the fuck up.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Completely, completely agree.
The – I actually thought that recently.
Someone was like, hey, you ever been all good?
I'm like, yeah.
Fucking shut up.
But then I was thinking about –
I mean, like, if you know me or if it's something – if I was making content and I'm being open about it and you check in on me, that's – you know.
It's – I appreciate that if you're a fan
but if i'm just like doing something funny or over the top or whatever and you're like hey i just
want to use your red flags oh dude i remember i tweeted once i actually thought of this now i
remember someone didn't ask me i remembered someone asking me recently uh i tweeted a picture of my nightstand, and it had five Frosties on it.
And I have a ring stain from them.
And I was getting dressed, and I...
Okay.
I would maybe check it.
I saw it.
And someone tweeted me, like, dude, this is a sign of depression.
I was like, yeah, no fucking shit, bro.
Life's a rollercoaster.
Fucking deal with it.
And I was like, what the fuck?
I think it was this morning or yesterday morning. I was getting dressed and so those ring saints like you fuck that guy
dude shut the fuck up like i know what it's a sign of i know what i'm fucking sometimes i'm good
sometimes i'm bad i will you fucking deal with dude you think i look at five frosties and think
i'm doing good yeah i think i can't tell this is a sign of depression right yeah i think i want
five frosties on my bedside table fucking pointing, thanks for fucking pointing that out, dude.
You know, hey, man, you put on some weight.
Like, are you healthy?
No.
No, I'm not.
Fuck you for pointing that out.
I'm like a fucking toddler.
Like a baby that fell.
Yeah, just pretend.
Like, everybody's all good.
You're like, yeah, yeah, it is.
Yeah, it is.
Right?
Like, you're like, hey, just so you know, that's depression.
Now I'm depressed.
I knew that, but I wasn't fucking
actively thinking about it
so shut up don't check on me about anything
yes
also like I don't want
the minute that people
who are just friends in your life bring up
real shit it's like well now
we have a real shit thing
I don't want to have a real shit thing with you
I can't put that toothpaste back in the tube.
We have to talk about it now.
Or I have to say to you, I don't want to talk about this, which makes it awkward.
Yeah.
Like, you're either a friend that, like, we've had conversations in the past.
And, like, we can – I don't even have many of those left anymore.
But, you know, you have your friends you can be real with and your friends who you're friends with.
Just be a friend.
If you're not a friend that I'm real with, just don't be real with me.
I don't need to hear it. Yeah. Like, know like know your role yeah like it is life's a movie you have a role don't fucking step out of it right you're an extra don't yeah what is the
extra asking him like about his mom shut the fuck up yeah everything's fine dude um the uh i was
thinking about that you're saying um you don't have many of those friends left
i was thinking about that in a sense kind of uh the other day and i was thinking about like why
you get depressed as you get older and it's because you stop like you just stop getting days
if that makes sense getting days like, days no longer belong to you.
Like, because as you get older and you know more people and they, like, days just start belonging to other things.
Like, when I was born, when I was zero, I owned 365 days a year.
Yeah.
They were all fucking mine.
Every single minute of your life, yeah.
And then as you get older, like, it's like, oh, this day is the anniversary of this.
This day is this person's birthday.
This day is this.
Not that it takes up your whole day, but it's just like it's something that you have to think about.
You think about it as it's coming.
So it's like it was Buffett.
Buffett dying made me think of it where I was like, well, great.
Now this is Jimmy Buffett's day.
Well, that was – we were texting about it in the morning.
Do you know John cried over Jimmy Buffett dying?
He cried.
I started tearing up and then I was like, this is funny.
I'm kind of crying right now.
And then I started crying harder and then I started laughing harder because I was crying harder.
And then it just became this big sloppy mess
picture of them i just kept it a picture we were talking about it already and i was like i was like
yo i'm actually crying right now and then take a picture of it it was it was crazy because i
and i'm like i'm a i very much like you i actually really like i love jimmy buffett like oar and jimmy buffett were my shit like high school college early 20s i i haven't like
he he i i texted john and because i i texted dave and i was like i know i know jimmy buffett like
really meant a lot to you so like you know i'm sorry for your loss like that that that was the
equivalent of me like if someone like dave's family died and I set the same level of text.
I didn't know.
I knew Dave Jimmy liked Jimmy Buffett a lot.
I didn't realize Dave
until I read his blog.
I didn't realize he was that.
I knew he was a huge Jimmy Buffett fan,
but I didn't realize he'd been to 50 shows.
I didn't know he'd been to 50 shows.
I didn't think Dave would have gone
to 50 shows of anything.
Yeah.
I know that he modeled Barstool after it,
and I'm sure there was a lot of
once you make it,
you almost think of yourself as like, wow, I made it, and i based it off of jimmy and yeah not that he was like on
jimmy buffett's level but you know there's i'm sure there's a lot of emotions and and dave was
like i cried and i was like i didn't even know you knew how to cry and he was like yeah me neither
so i was saying that to john and john was like well i cried too and i I was like, what? It's okay for him. You're crying over Jimmy Buffett?
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Awesome dude.
I was surprised too.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
Also, it was my sister's birthday, so I had to go upstairs with tears in my eyes like,
happy birthday?
Yes.
Now, it's not only is it her birthday, now it's Jimmy Buffett's dead day.
This is, now I only got 364.
I only got 364 left.
How many days have you-
This is how you end up with five Frosties on your fucking nightstand.
This is crazy.
How many days are not your days, John?
Oh, I got most of them.
You got all of them.
Yeah.
You got fucking all of them.
I have no days. I was thinking about it in a larger, like, not really, like, that- No, I got most of them. You got all of them. Yeah. You got fucking all of them. I have no days.
I was thinking about it in a larger, like, not really, like, that focused on me, but I was thinking about it in a larger sense.
But when you get to the point where you literally don't have days anymore because you just have to do shit for other people all the time, it sucks.
You don't want to worry depressed.
I'll get a day.
Yeah.
Dude, and then when you –
Not that this is revelatory, but I was just thinking about it.
But then, you know, the real kick in the dick is when you do –
when you get to the point where you feel guilty about having days to yourself
and you can't even enjoy them.
Yeah.
Then your life's over.
Like I used to – I would finish blogging.
I would blog as fast as I could, as good as I could,
and then I'd be like, I'm done.
And I'm just and I'm just
I have like the next like 12 15 16 18 hours to myself and I'm just gonna watch tv and eat food
and I'm gonna love every second of it and now if I do that I'm like I should be with the kids or I
should be working on something I should be doing this or that and i actually do worse in those situations and that's like so now i prefer
the days where i have shit to do that's dark yeah yeah that's dark i always said when when you in a
relationship when you prefer work over being at home that's the sign that that it's done yeah
in life when you prefer doing having days where you have stuff to not having stuff,
you should kill yourself.
Get out of that relationship, you should end your life.
Because I'm like, I don't even, when I have free time, I'm not even enjoying it.
What's the point?
Well, I can make that even darker.
And I think this is probably the reason I was thinking about all of that,
not just Jimmy Buffett.
Like, my grandpa was getting up there in age,
and he's getting to the point where he's, like, saying things like, I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again, kind of that. Not just Jimmy Buffett. Like, my grandpa was getting up there in age. And he's getting to the point where he's, like, saying things like, I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again kind of deal.
And, like, I think I was thinking about that where, like, days don't even belong to you.
It's not only belong to other people.
Like, with you, like, your days belong to other people.
Right.
Like, to him, his days just belong to memories.
Like, and that's all.
Yeah, wow.
That's all he's got.
And I was like, that's yeah wow all like he like it's that's all he's got and i was like that's fucking so like that's when it's really dark really i'm not like i'd rather be doing something else
i'd rather be dead like i won out not in like the want to get off the roller coaster i'm done
yeah yeah i i know old people.
Yeah, if you just watch, like, all your people die.
Yeah.
I know people who, like, watched their kids die.
Like, they're, like, 90 or whatever, and all of their siblings died, but kids died early, and they're just like, what am I doing here?
Like, I outlived everything.
Next up. I told you I Like, I outlived everything. Next up.
I told you I was going to make it darker.
What's up, guys?
Just a little afternoon existential thought.
Let's say everyone over the age of 50 Just
Poof
Dies tomorrow
Gone
Good segue
What happens?
What happens the next day?
Where do we go?
That means world leaders
Wealthy elites
Politicians
That's a great question
They're just
Dead
Gone
Who takes over?
Who runs the world?
And then you can also picture that with more decades what happens if everyone under the age of 30 dies but 50 seems like a good cut off so uh let's start
with uh under like 80 so we can put these motherfuckers like mitch mcconnell out how many
how many more times are people going to trot the dead corpse of Mitch McConnell out there,
hopped up on some sort of fucking, you know,
like probably secret government drug that keeps him alive?
Like that dude is running on batteries.
It's like somebody plug Mitch McConnell back in.
How does he not like lose his job like the next day?
How is anybody like, wait a minute,
the guy that we have leading
the country or whatever,
this part of the government is...
He can't function.
Bro, if you're the quarterback
of a football team, you don't have your job anymore
after that.
For real.
We'll put in
Zappy. That was weird.
Like, what?
And they leave him up there.
They said the last one was 19 seconds.
Bro, by a 10 count, if I'm frozen, somebody get the fucking umbrella thing,
get the hook and pull me off.
Right to the medical tent.
Right.
Put me out, yeah.
Put the thing up.
Put one in me.
But 50 is, you know, you're losing.
50, President Vivek Ramasway.
Oh, my God.
I think I'm just going to become a big Vivek guy.
That would be funny.
That would be a good bit.
That would be a good bit.
Lose yourself in the moment you want it.
You better never let it go.
That was, I wanted to die watching that.
You only got one shot.
Do not miss your chance to blow.
That was, you know, when like, like when, when people, when everyone's complaining that
everyone's like a hundred years old, I'm like, well, this is the other extreme.
I don't need my dude doing.
I got a vote for the rapping president.
But rap on the rap. I don't need my dude doing – I got a vote for the rapping president. Oh, my god.
But rap with a rap on. Bro, speaking of that, did you see who Tucker Carlson had on last night?
No.
Who?
It's insane.
It's as if Tucker is now –
On his, like, Twitter show?
Yeah.
Okay.
It was the follow-up to Dave's episode.
Oh, god.
Bro, just take a guess.
I want to hear you make just an educated guess.
Alex Jones.
So I can tell you what the actual answer is.
Alex Jones is your educated guess?
Yeah.
Okay.
No.
It was a man, missing teeth, with two wrist guards on, who says he used to fucking smoke
crack with Obama.
He's just like a random dude?
Who's just like, I got the dirt on Barry?
Dave Portnoy, he just bought his company back.
He's a business tycoon.
It's like, I mean, Obama used to fucking do crack.
Why do you have wrist guards on?
Both hands.
I don't know, dude.
It was crazy.
Did he rollerblade there?
Maybe at the studio and he shows up.
It was the craziest thing.
I actually remember to bring that up to Dave today.
That's so good.
Yeah.
Back in 89, me and Obama used to smoke crack and suck each other's dicks.
Oh, you said they used to fuck each other?
Fuck each other.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
I thought he was like, yeah, we were just like bank chicks.
No, no, no, no. We used to fuck each other? Fuck each other. Oh, wow. Wow. I thought he was like, yeah, we were just like, bang, chicks. No, no, no, no.
He's the fuck each other.
That, I mean, hey, Tucker is now fully in the internet game.
He's just like, I don't know.
How many views are we going to get, bro?
Tucker's like, and did it seem like his first time doing crack?
Oh, no.
It looked like he'd done it before.
I want to watch it, though. I want to watch it, though.
I want to watch it.
I'll be honest, that sounds better than some business talk.
Looks like he knew how to smoke crack and fuck dudes.
No, no, Tucker.
He had a line out on a CD case.
I've seen it.
It was not serious.
It was just nuts. It was nuts.
Yeah, that is either, I don't know, that's either like your Breaking Bad moment
or your moment where you're like, maybe I should have stayed at Fox News.
Just had a t-shirt with the fucking head collar stretched out.
I want to be like one of those
Denzel in flight.
Are you on crack right now?
Tucker, I'm on crack!
It was the funniest thing.
That's great.
Shout out to St. George's. that's great oh shout out st george's but anyway to answer that question i think i would like to see it because there are so many
young people who are like like the people who are like young i'm sorry i'm sorry
if we got a text from the fucking people like yo, yo, do you want to talk to this guy who said he used to gay fuck Obama and to crack?
I'd be like, what?
I'd be like, is he wearing wrist guards?
Is Darius Walker busy?
Saying gay fuck is so funny.
This guy used to gay fuck him.
Yeah, I'm gonna bring this.
Yeah.
We can just send a picture to the top left so you can see with no teeth.
Oh my god.
What the fuck.
I bet that guy
gave good head though.
What the fuck.
Look at Tucker
all serious with his hands.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Experiencing the cocaine.
Experiencing the cocaine
and the cocksucking
crowd talker.
Jesus. that is so
fucking funny
how'd I miss this
that's so fucking good
dude I
I tweeted to Greer
oh that's right up Greer's alley
thank you Greer
Greer Greer the funniest response
uh Greer's alley. Thank you, Greer. Greer, Greer. The funniest response.
I tweeted him the wrist guards.
Greer goes,
What could you possibly need wrist guards on for a sit-down interview?
Even if you have some sort of problem,
if you're just going to sit at a table and talk to him,
you can take off the wrist guards.
Arthritis in his old age has to keep the guards
on in case he runs into a bomb again
and needs him to smoke crack and jack
him off.
God damn.
It's going to be hard to to top but last voicemail
hey kfc radio i wanted to wish feidelberg a happy pumpkin spice latte day aka
sad boy season kickoff no at least for me in california the weather doesn't change enough
to signal sad boy season kickoff.
So I always take it from pumpkin spice
latte day.
Fights, are you even in
sad boy season anymore?
Are you in a different era? I feel like you've been
less sad lately, which I'm happy
for you. Go you.
What a time.
What a time.
I would actually, up until
15 minutes ago, would have agreed with her that you're a little less sad.
But I think we've fully established that you're pretty good.
I am in a better mood lately.
It's like I don't acknowledge it because it's going to come back around to everybody.
It's a roller coaster.
Don't fucking – don't get used to anything.
It's going to come back around. Um,
the,
uh,
the,
I actually am on to some new medicine. That's going to make me seem very upset for two weeks.
So everyone just be prepared for that.
Okay.
Well,
it's going to suck for two.
The doctor's like,
it's going to feel like you go to war.
And I'm like,
all right,
let's try it.
Started this morning.
Got,
uh,
got four more doses left today.
We'll see how that goes.
I can't do that shit.
I tried that once, and the feeling, like the side effects, they were like, you got to get
through it.
I couldn't get through it.
I was like, I'm just not going to do this.
Today, we'll see.
We'll see.
Mine was the jittery feeling.
Like, it wasn't an emotional thing.
It was just like I felt physically weird.
Yeah.
And I was like, I can make this stop.
I'm going to make this stop.'m gonna make this stop i'm just not gonna do this like once you get through it it'll be good and
i was like okay okay never mind no three policies please
three policies and some crack please
um uh yeah yeah sad boy season will be here. Sad boy season. Sad boy season.
It's not, you know, it's, it's not, it's like Christmas.
You celebrate it even if you're not, uh, Catholic, right?
It's like a, yeah.
But even, even some, some years you're like in this Christmas spirit, other years like,
ah, fuck it, you still celebrate.
Right.
Yeah.
No, it's, it's on the calendar.
Sad boy season's coming.
What is it?
Three days with 60 degrees?
Three days under 60.
Yeah.
Which, you know, that'll be like December this year.
I think it's
usually like mid to late october so we got some time i think we were working on some merch um
i think we got some i think we got some very cool stuff uh so we'll make our first merch of the year
yeah i make a little brewing shirts that i think three people boss i gotta was going to say. I got to get back. I got to get some hoodies ready for Black Friday.
I always have some comfy shit for the big sale.
So I got to get some shit going, too.
So if you're on the lookout for merch, we're about to go on the road.
So hit up KFC Radio's social media for tickets.
We're going to Buffalo and Minneapolis and Detroit and Columbus,
Pittsburgh.
I think I'm missing one in there,
but we're doing our kind of like Midwest tour.
So get your tickets.
It's so funny.
We'll just wrap up on this because we're wrapping this up
and then going to Barstool Radio
and doing like what this show is going to be versus
what this show is.
There was a time I was like, I'm worried.
What if there's overlap and stuff? It's like, oh, no, no, no.
Bro, I'm... We're talking about crackheads
sucking off Obama. I think...
On Barstool Radio. I was worried
about switching things off.
I think it's made both shows way better.
Way better. Yes. I keep that there and I keep
this over here. Two completely different things
Rather than like
You know we'd always be like
We'll wedge this in
And get this in
Like
Nope
This is just dumb shit
Yep
That's fucking
Barstool shit
Like it's
I think
I was like
Are we gonna do like a split
And like they're both gonna end up
Being like fucking bad
Yeah
I think they're both awesome
Yeah
But they're just very different vibes
Like this was like goofy
And we're about
I think we're about to go to war.
It's just like duality of barstools.
All right.
Yamanika Saunders on KC Radio.
Let's talk to her.
Multiple people have told me this about you.
I think it's one of the best things that can be said is that you will clear any room in New York City
in any city and that nobody
likes to follow you on stage
nobody's going to admit to that
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laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter on stage, but, you know, there's a lot of people I don't want to follow on stage, you
know?
I think it's not so much that, you know, I'm like, oh, this, you know, I mean, I'm pretty
good.
But I think it's just my energy and vibe, you know, more so that I...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're high, they're low, vice versa.
I like to, but I also like to, you know, I am very present on stage.
So once you pull back that curtain of being aware on stage, it's hard to go back to be a comic that's like, I hope no glasses fall because I don't want to address it.
Right.
They don't want to go back to that.
So I think that's probably not to shit on that style, but I think that's probably why a lot of people don't like to follow me.
So you're just kind of like, you're saying whatever happens, happens.
Yeah.
Like that's part of the act.
Listen, I have no problem taking my set and putting it to the side.
I also, my set is, I'm not to the pencil, right?
So it's more of a vibe. I know when I do my set and I can do it to, right, just rhythm.
And then I know when I can, like, change things about it.
I'm constantly changing my set according to how I need to deliver it to people
based on how smart they are.
Sure.
Based on how aware.
How drunk they are.
Right, aware.
Yeah.
Right.
So sometimes there's a shorthand
sometimes you know i have to go more in depth but you know i just try to be alive on the stage
that's that's very impressive i don't know why you saying breaking glass made me think of like
i i've never even brought up with anybody before like i always think about that on like when i'm
at a show i'm i'm always like I can hear the fucking glasses clanging.
I can hear someone whispering over here.
And I get angry myself because it's ruining my experience.
But I also get tense and uncomfortable for the comedian on stage.
You just don't get that.
I'm a holder of that for you.
I mean, listen, if someone's ruining the show, that sucks.
But I think the club or the theater or whatever it is
is part of the experience.
So if there are glasses falling
or there is somebody who's drunk or whatever,
that is part of what your experience is
and how the comic handles that, I think,
is where it becomes really cool.
Well, people pay to come in and have an experience right and i know you know uh
unfortunately i never got a chance to be a audience member uh because i started standing when i was
16 so i don't know what it feels like to be in a club wow and not know about what's happening on
stage um but if people come in to have an experience and you want to have the
closest experience that that comic wants to give you,
right?
You want to have that experience that the comic has.
There's all this stuff they thought about.
There's all these things that they're kind of like,
what do you think about it?
Cause that's all comedy is.
It's like,
we have these thoughts.
Do you,
what do you think about this?
Has this happened to you?
Do you like this?
Are you scared of this?
And then those things that we can relate to connect us on stage.
Now I'd like to have a pure experience of that.
Sure.
If something happens and it's unexpected, somebody trips glass or whatever, I know how to roll with the punches of that, right?
Sometimes it doesn't even need to be addressed if the audience is really engaged.
You know, I've had audiences where we're so locked in, shit could be happening on the side, we don't care.
Sometimes it's so funny what's happening or so crazy what's happening
that they're looking at me like, why wouldn't I address it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because the only thing worse is somebody pretending it's not happening
and just trying to tell their punchlines.
And it's like, bro, someone's puking on the fucking, you know, whatever.
Listen, i died on
stage already you understand like i got booed on showtime of the apollo years and years ago
i've had the work like what else could happen that's i mean that's gotta be the lowest right
so at this point it's fine you know what i mean like some it's not that i don't get into
situations where i'm like you you know but i mean i'm not afraid when I'm on stage and some people haven't died on stage
and then some people look so good
on stage and have been so proficient
on stage that they're nervous
about the hiccup
I don't mind being on stage doing
well then hit a joke that doesn't do well
I mean I'm a human being I don't
know these people they don't really know me
and we're just vibing right
and we can just move on to something else.
It's not a big deal.
You know, comedy is about the experience.
Some people come and they want this certain level of proficiency.
They want people to, like, wow them and knock them off their feet.
And I think that there's a little responsibility also on the audience end.
Come and just receive.
You know, to receive.
Whatever happens, happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm not saying that in a cocky way.
Like, if somebody sucks, they you know but also come to receive if of a comic's
really trying to give it to you you you mentioned people looking too good on stage i think you were
talking more about jokes i think comedians are starting to look too good on stage i think i i
think the outfits are starting to be yeah well I know that's been – Everybody's got money now.
All you guys are getting paid.
I think the –
It's always been –
Back in the day, some people wore suits.
Some people wore this.
I think I'm seeing too many leather jackets on stage.
And I think I'm seeing too many pairs of –
You know what it is about the leather jacket?
Too many people go in a flight club.
It's not –
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
You just bought a pair of Jordans
And a leather jacket
Because that's the thing
Honestly
If that person always wore those things
Then fine
If you wear Jordans and a leather jacket
You're all good
When it's like
Oh you just got your Netflix money
And now you buy those things
And the first things you got are pretty tacky
And also it's like hot in here
Why are you wearing a leather jacket?
And then it's just like Oh you're trying to be something which i guess is also fine you know you want to like look a certain way and craft a certain image but again i think
it's much more impressive and funny and an experience to just be like this shit happened
like it was supposed to go left and we went right and you know yeah that's where i find out that's
where i find like the most the most memorable nights I think as a fan are not like, oh, that's sad and those jokes.
Like, yeah, that was funny.
But it's also like remember that moment where this unexpected thing happened and you just take it and run with it.
It's like, oh, now you're doing some shit.
There's a lot of things that are going on in stand-up.
And those things that are happening,
whatever's happening to you as a stand-up comic at that time is going to adjust or take you away
from the authentic people seeing you live
in a comedy club feel, right?
So when I first, when I got to do The Generous,
which was like six of us got a
half hour to do the raunchiest material ever and um that's been years ago and i feel bad for people
who come see me because they're like you don't talk about sex i was like yeah well all my sex
stuff was there you know um but i mean i'll you, I can get a little risque, but I'm more, you know, about the things that are happening in the world.
But I had a full Beyonce, like, bedazzled, you know.
Jules is my stylist.
That's Ricky Velez's wife, who was amazing.
She puts me in so many amazing outfits.
And we had this whole Beyonce dream.
And then we got to Las Vegas and it was 111 degrees.
And then I had to put on this see-through.
We didn't expect to have it.
So I didn't really have a body, body suit to put on underneath this thing that was completely see-through.
But I needed to wear it because it was like 111 degrees.
And they were pumping in all the air they could.
I was sweating.
So my boobs are out.
And then people think, oh, she's a provocative.
And it's like, no. It was hot.
And then also I have burns on my breast so they thought my nipples were out.
And then they were like, oh, we got a can. I'm like, no, that's
just burns. So the outfit
is the thing. It's also the thing that people
are going to... People get
tired of seeing people in shorts and jeans
and da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, some of
the outfits, I think, when you have a problem with it
is because they're not wearing something that
makes sense for them.
Right, exactly. So I try to...
My style is very funky and
unique. I definitely dress
up whenever I'm taping something.
I wear my wild colors, my hair, the whole
thing, colored hair, everything.
When I'm doing, like, if you catch me at the cellar or any of the clubs around New York
City, I'm probably going to be wearing leggings or, like, shirt, definitely, like, a cap.
When I'm trying to create or craft my set, it is more important for me to be able to
create and craft it without people judging my look, then when I have it all set and together,
and then I can be like,
okay, and also this is how I'm going to present it
in this outfit.
But there's a, you know,
you know, listen,
I am an in-between comic,
which means that, you know,
I studied the greats
and, you know, was the whole idea of how comedy was in the 70s and the 80s
is still in my head.
And the integrity that you had to have,
the level of professionalism,
the really finding your way.
And then my generation of comedy sort of got untethered because of like reality television.
So a lot of us didn't get touched.
But we got a chance to really grow in the clubs.
Right.
And so now when this generation that is happening now is meeting the generation that I was in, it's sort of this sort of world where people are like, oh, my God, you're so amazing.
Like, you're new.
And it's like no i've been
doing comedy for like 20 years yeah you know what i'm saying i think it was louis who said it like
somebody once asked him you know like what was it like when you know overnight you became like a
celebrity and it's like this is not overnight right like the the last jump might have been
overnight but it was 30 fucking years before this yeah so you know what you what the audience might see or know is very different than...
What were you doing when you were 16?
Were you on stage at 16 or were you working in the clubs?
I was at the comedy store.
I was taking classes with Sandy Shore, may she rest in peace,
Pauly Shore's sister.
And my mother got me into stand-up
because I moved to Los Angeles from Maryland to go
to the L.A. County High School
for the Arts to study theater.
I was really into theater. I was very boring
and
didn't like the idea of comedy
or any type of humor.
What?
Just in general?
I was a kid who was like, I don't want to laugh.
I don't like funny things.
You were boring.
Yeah, no, because I was studying, you know, like I was studying the theory.
I was, you know, being classically trained in the theater.
And there was a certain form of or a certain way you held yourself in,
you know, like old school.
So it was just like, you know,
to me, anybody could be a fool.
And my mother started taking stand-up classes.
Don't even ask.
That's such a long story.
Don't ask me why she did that.
She was going through some shit, huh?
Gotta get out of the fucking house.
No, my mother was an audio and video engineer for PBS for many years
and also traveled around the country as a top 40 disc jockey for like,
you know, top 40 things.
So kind of in the family, a little bit of entertainment.
Yeah, but she just did everything.
She was like, you know, I'm not going to let anything hold me down.
And hooray for her because she's the reason why I'm the way that I am.
But I just wasn't interested in
it and my mom wanted me to do it um and I said no and they just happened to offer it my senior
year in high school that's no shit yeah they offered stand up yeah and my um my first stand
up teacher was uh Mr. Norman Cohen who um I probably was a little bit of a teacher's pet with him.
I adored this man.
He was brilliant.
And when he decided to teach the stand-up,
I decided to take it and audition, bomb my audition,
and then was very upset that I bombed.
I was like, what do you mean?
I'm on.
I'm amazing.
And then so, you know, and it's.
And so like the acting you're doing at that point is like Shakespearean shit.
Like you're doing dramas.
It's all very serious. It's a lot of in-depth, sense memory, you know, character recall, biography.
And we were doing a lot of things that required us to go into a lot of dark places and unlock
doors so that we could call emotion when necessary.
And people think that the best emotion and the most incredible emotion to evoke is tears and sadness and it caused somebody to cry.
And then when I got into stand-up, I realized it's easier to make people cry than it is to make people laugh.
Like comedy, I think, is the hardest and most impressive.
And if you could teach that, like I don't think you can teach that.
That's why I think it's so –
I'm glad you brought that up because when you – as you were describing i was thinking i was surprised that you started with drama and theater
and things like that and got to comedy because i remember i think it's rob mcclainy from sunny
was saying someone was was congratulating him on on doing like he did a pandemic episode of
mythic quest and it was very emotional yeah and he was like, dude, this is the easy part.
I know what makes people sad.
I know what makes people scared.
I don't like – everyone's universal in that.
Comedy, like everyone's very different.
It's much, much harder to get someone to laugh than it is to get someone to cry.
You have to laugh consistently.
You might find one thing that works and make them laugh that night, but you've got to make them laugh the next night and the next night and the next night.
Well, you know, I think I've learned to break the barrier of consistent laughter is key.
What I've learned is I like my favorite parts of when everybody's quiet and I'm not saying anything.
And we have just those moments where people are waiting.
Because when I first started doing comedy, it was very rushed.
Because I was scared about that.
That silence is scary.
Yeah, and it's like, oh, I'm not doing my job.
And then it's like, yeah, no.
I want you to anticipate what's happening.
And also, I want to anticipate what's happening.
Because maybe I decided to go a different way with this crowd than, you know.
But failure has been my best friend, you know, in this career.
First, I was trying to find my way.
I grew up, you know, parochial school, suburbs of Maryland, really sheltered Christian. Um, then I just went
wild and rogue. And then I became sort of a brat and people probably up until recently,
didn't really like me on certain regards because I was challenging, um, and aggressive. And I was
really like that on stage. And then now it's not that I'm at a place of like,
you know,
but it's,
it's the time that we take to just feel my feelings before I address any
other feelings so that I am more accurate about the things that I say.
Like if I ever go in on somebody
in a certain way, it used to be
very much like,
you know, like that. And now it's just
sort of like,
yeah, we'll get to that, but
is anybody else agitated
by this person? Because sometimes
if it's just me...
Then that's a you problem.
Right. If it's just me and they're not.
That's why sometimes when I'm telling people like, please, when I see people in the audience and they're sitting next to somebody who's loud and they're just like.
And I'm like, please don't look like that because now you're going to make me say something to them.
I'm trying not to say something to them.
You know, but I try to make it as fun as possible.
But it's all live.
It's all in the moment.
You're never going to duplicate it.
And I guess the long way around what I was trying to get back to is like with specials, all we're trying to do
is duplicate what's happening in the club.
And it's impossible because those people know
they're coming to see somebody be taped.
You already have the stuff taped.
Some people have it in the prompters
or you have a set list in which you have to go,
not even so much because you
want to but because production has to know
where you're going there may be like you there are all
kinds of things people who are dependent
upon the words that you say at certain times with things
that happen it's trying to recreate something that
it's not a thing really you have to look
at specials different than you
look at going and I think that's what happens sometimes
people go see it live and they're like well how come it's
like that and it's like well you know this special was edited and there's a
couple of cuts of it and people went over it meticulously and put you know that's why i
thought what rock did was so amazing because he went live on netflix to do stand-up and then people
still had the audacity to judge him harshly when it was like do you know how hard
that is to go not
that he
went live
you saw the flub
I actually love that like seeing the
flub though and he just said like oh I fucked it up
and he kept it moving and then
they fixed it and it's like oh that's how
it usually happens but it's the vibe
do you see what I'm saying like there's a difference when I can lay back and go we're gonna get a couple cuts of this
i got an amazing director somebody gonna put this this this this together no matter what we're gonna
put it out and the sounds gonna come up and the flow and you're gonna be like oh that all went
perfect they don't know i had flop sweat titty sweat my big boobs came out somebody farted in
the audience you know I forgot a line.
Hello.
They come up with a towel.
All these things are happening that has been brushed away from you that that was the first time that we had somebody streaming live, doing stand-up.
No matter what happens, the world could have exploded at that point.
We were watching it.
So have a little bit. this is me being a comic but
like sometimes i wish people have a little bit of grace when they come in to see stand-up because
it would make it a lot easier than this sort of level of perfection you know what i found i feel
like when people go to a club they're like that was the funniest thing i've ever seen of course
and then when they watch a special at home they'll be like it was all right yeah like you just that was true two different like mindsets like i don't know maybe
you're a little bit drunk maybe you're just like wow i'm in the club but i i and i do it too
everybody the openers the openers for the openers the the fucking you know everybody i'm like this
is the funniest person i've ever heard i'm literally like every every single person i've
seen in that moment i'm like that's the funniest person alive but ever heard. Every single person I've seen in that moment, I'm like, that's the funniest person alive.
But then when I sit down to watch a special,
I'm like, all right, let's see what they got.
And for whatever reason,
it's like a different scale or some shit.
I don't know why.
I'm sorry to interrupt you,
but I think, I don't know if the statistic is real,
but I know the Cellar is doing the theater.
I was at a movie recently
and they were promoting the fact that
the Cellar is going to do some shows in theaters.
We did one already.
You did one already?
Really?
How'd it go?
Finish.
I'll talk.
It said that, again, I have no idea if the statistic is real, and I don't know how you even get it, but you laugh 33% more in a group than you do alone.
That has to be true.
Laughter is contagious.
And I think even more so than contagious is that like,
you're,
you're worried you're going to look dumb.
Cause you don't get the joke.
So you just laugh.
That's totally.
But even like TV shows,
like I'll sit down and watch always sunny.
And sometimes I'll laugh out loud,
but if I'm by myself,
most of the time I'll just go like,
that is so goddamn funny. You know, like in my head, I'm just like, wow, that is funny. But I'm not like, but if I'm by myself, most of the time I'll just go like, that is so goddamn funny.
You know,
like in my head,
I'm just like,
wow,
that is funny.
But I'm not like,
but when you're with people,
you,
you let it rip,
you know?
Yeah.
I think I,
I almost wonder if the people that you thought were so amazing were the people that at some
point you felt they made a connection to you.
They said something.
Usually it's when somebody says something like that I'm like – I thought I was the only person who ever thought that thought.
Oh, you thought that too?
Like whatever the topic is.
And I think there's a lot more of that like in the moment in the club as opposed to – especially you got to make evergreen jokes.
It's got to be, like you said, perfect and tied in a bow as opposed to just like, hey, don't you think this way about this thing?
And I'm like, yes, I do.
And then it's on.
Then I'm like, oh, I get this person.
I think people who are also geared to their audience, right?
It's always funny because I get a lot of guys who are like, oh, women aren't funny or if I'm funny, like, oh, you're the only woman that's funny.
And it's like, dude, I don't –
People still say that?
Yeah.
But the thing about it is – Remember when I i was like 16 i'll admit i did think but
but it's also the thing that people will say i mean it's obvious that you're going to say
something about if you don't like me my lack of humor that's the thing you would go to
but also it's like i give zero cares about whether you like me or not, because the people that are tuned into me that I connect with, those are the people I want to connect with.
I'm not trying to gain the whole world and lose my soul.
I'm trying to be very specific to who I am.
And I know there's a lot of people who are like me.
So I really appreciate not even my fans, like friends.
I call them family.
I call them because we're on the same um vibe but a lot of times when
you're watching specials from home you're watching somebody else having a good time with somebody
else yeah and you're sort of removed from that unless you're like a huge fan of this person
you're like oh yeah um but when we did the for thear, we did, we were in theaters, like 48 theaters around the country.
And they streamed us live.
And I put on for it.
I did.
I really put in a lot of, like, I had on this pink outfit, like a tactical vest.
Tactical vest.
Yeah, I'm like, it was pink pink i'm like vibing i'm funky like
i'm a badass when i'm on stage and i like to show that in my outfits and um i had a lot of fun
with that audience and when people saw it you know because we had some people that came out
that went to go see it in the theaters and then the feedback is that it felt really connected.
And I think the thing that was different than watching a special that's been edited and
watching us stream live from the cellar into theaters is that it's all happening in the
moment.
Nobody's going back cutting everything that's happening in the room.
We're all acknowledging.
So it was just more of a, I'm not watching them watching them.
I'm also watching this live.
Yeah, right.
Do you know, because we've talked about trying to do some live streaming at home,
not in theaters.
It would just be like through a barstool website,
and we would link up
with a club and you could just watch um you know on your living room couch with your family your
roommates whatever do you know like what the the so you said people were like connected and all that
but did a lot of people stream it was there good results is it do you know how like uh how that all
performed well the seller uh shout out to you you know, obviously Gnome who runs, who owns the cellar.
And Esty, who is the booker.
And Liz, the GM.
And I'll also say Val.
I don't want to forget anybody, but I started naming people.
You know, baby.
They have the best staff in the entire world at the Comedy Cellar.
From the waitstaff to the bar, everyone um i just love everybody over there uh you know gnome's been doing a lot of stuff uh with
the cellar it's been growing uh we've opened up more rooms and um he has worked with uh mint comedy
uh that you know puts it on and shout out to ar who does it. So in terms of the numbers
and stuff, I would have to defer to them.
But the responses,
we've been doing live shows
or at least I have with Mint
through the Cellar for maybe
a year and a half or so.
My friends sometimes know
before, they know I'm on it before
I do. They're like, oh, can't
wait to see it tonight. I'm like, because I game. so a lot of my gaming friends are like oh yeah oh we heard about
that and i'm like or they're like why are you still playing around you know and i'm like oh
i can do one more game in fortnite and they're like oh you gotta get it i'm like yeah so they
you know is that what you play fortnite i'm big into fortnite um gta used to be really big oh my
god and shout out to everybody over at Rockstar.
I've had a lot of opportunities to go
in and stream with them. They're amazing.
I got Red Dead.
Dude, you gotta teach me how to beat the first level.
Oh, come on.
Let's do it.
Once a year, he gets the itch to become a
gamer, and then he realizes he sucks.
I'm so mad. It's crazy.
You gotta go through my academy. Red Dead is not easy. No, Red Dead is not easy. a gamer and then he realizes he sucks i'm so bad it's like it's crazy about it academy red dead is
is not easy no red dead is not easy it's a you gotta like dedicate time but you it's figure that
shit out it is the time the thing about red dead is it's time and dedication and it's also you
trying to fight cats with muskets and shit like it's what I'm saying? Like, it's old school. GTA is so immersive that the first time I played GTA,
when I was the next day, the first thing,
my first instinct was to put my hand on this cop car
and open the door.
Like, I was like, what?
I was in a car, and I said, like,
I could just run these people over.
Right.
That's why you have to game responsibly.
Like, you don't have to game responsibly.
But once I started playing Fortnite, I don't want to say I love Rockstar.
I'm going to tell you, I have to be honest.
Fortnite, GTA started moving slow.
So I can't wait for the next one because I hope it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the next GTA is going to smash.
No, the story yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Because with Fortnite. I think the next GTA is going to smash. No, the storylines are incredible.
No, they don't get the credit they deserve.
If someone writes a movie that is that great of a story,
you win Oscars, you get all this acclaim.
People who write video game storylines,
they make a boatload of money.
Nobody knows who they are.
They just get hundreds of millions of dollars.
Who needs recognition when you're that?
I sold $700 million in a day, bro.
But yeah, nobody knows them.
And it's like...
It is crazy.
Everyone sucks James Cameron's dick
for fucking Avatar.
It's like,
these guys are making that
like every day there's a new Avatar.
Yeah, yeah.
We come up with this shit all the time.
It's very impressive.
Very, very impressive.
Do you ever check your gaming stats?
Like, so we're – I interviewed a little Sasquatch, the comedian,
and I was talking to him the other day, and he was, like, very down.
And I was like, what's the matter with you?
And he's like, dude, I just learned that, like, I played 15 days of Call of Duty.
He's, like, 24 hours.
Like, 15 full days. He's like 24 hours. Like 15 full days.
He's like, the game's been out for a year.
I was like, bro, you have spent 15 days in the last year on a video game?
I'm sure that's like the low end.
My cats take a shit to me playing Fortnite.
Like that's how they know when to go to the litter box.
I'm telling you.
Every time Brooklyn's like, oh playing Fortnite. That's how they know when to go to Litterbox. I'm telling you, every time Brooklyn's
always like, oh, Fortnite!
I'm playing
Fortnite. Are you
trying to earn off that
or that's just for fun? No, it's so
just for fun. But here's the thing.
Am I trying to earn off of it?
Listen, if my manager's listening, yes.
Yeah.
I'm in a special category because i'm a gen xer who plays so i'm like a woman in her 40s who plays um which is that's a very rare category
but you know it's really like see i i bet brands would be like yo link up with her that's why my
manager's like come on like but i i don't know the love of i just turn it on and i have people like
you know we'll have like a small group of people like i'm really nasty with it i'm my tag name is
yelling girl that's with two g's i don't like when i tell you like i've lost friends i can't
understand why you would get on a game and not be proficient at that game.
And if you're not, tell me so I can make the adjustments.
I'll adjust to you, yeah.
Right.
So I've like, me and one of my best friends, Mehran Kagani, we have broken up.
He is a gamer, but he likes all these fairy wizard, you know, warlocks.
And he does Dungeons and Dragons.
I don't know if I'm supposed to be saying it.
He's going to yell at me.
But he does like a, I call it the nerd fest
at his house. And
we fight
the most when he plays Fortnite with me
because I'm like, what are you doing?
And there's real kids live.
These kids are like hopped up on cocaine
and they're seven years old and they're ready
to go. And especially when they're out for the summer.
And there are people like, can you give me,
like, you got to be patient with me.
I'm like, the kids aren't patient.
They're fighting, you know?
And so, he's like, girl, I can't take you.
And I'm just like, oh man.
But he gets nasty about his own thing
because I'm like, can you teach me this nerd stuff?
And probably why I said that.
Hey, can you teach me all this lame ass shit?
All your loser stuff. I want to learn how to be a loser like Hey, can you teach me all this lame-ass shit? All your loser stuff.
I want to learn how to be a loser like you.
Can you help me?
I'm a super nerd.
But, you know, Dungeons & Dragons, it does – it intrigues me because it's so, like, there's a history and it's complicated.
That shit's immersive.
When you get in that, it's like –
And I hate to not know something.
So I'm, like, begging him.
But he's like, you're not going to mess up my know something so i'm like begging him but he's like
you're not gonna mess up my game but i'm like you come and mess up fortnight we fall out over it so
but yeah i love gaming it calms me that's the opposite for most people i feel like
you know most people just end up getting fucking ramped up and dropping a racial slur
listen it's i don't even mind like i like, can you please call me the N-word?
The problem is when people say lady or you sound like my grandma.
I'm like, what?
Oh, but you're five.
You know how young your grandma is?
She's 27.
You geek.
Please call me the N-word.
It's funny.
I hate when somebody calls me Grandma.
Auntie, you sound old.
No, I don't.
And then I listen back and I go, oh, yeah, Ma, I definitely have dropped a few octaves.
I've gotten older.
I want to go back to bombing at the Apollo.
That had to have been the worst day of your life.
Let's run that back.
I mean, that is something that in a weird way, though, it's almost like
I'm sure when it happened, you were
not thinking this, but now that you've gone through it,
it's like a badge of honor to be
like, because like you said,
once you've done that,
I could go to actual war.
I mean, yeah, because I died
on stage, and I don't say that, I want to be very war. I mean, yeah, because I died on stage.
And I don't say that.
I want to be very clear because I've had some friends who actually died on stage.
So I don't want to get those.
But what I mean is my spirit was broken on that stage.
And the worst thing I think could happen to me, other than actually passing away on stage, is the way in which people show me they did not like me immediately.
They just boo, right?
I mean, they're encouraged to just like, if you like it, you cheer.
And if you don't, it's just like, get the fuck off.
Okay, so I'm going to give you the quick version because this story is all over the Internet.
Sure, sure.
And it's actually how people have started following me in the very beginning because I think I was a story of survival for a lot of people who also felt like they had been let down in whatever career path or dream that they had.
I wanted to do Chilto Mati Apollo because I thought it was a legacy thing, right?
There were certain things I wanted to do before I was 30.
I wanted to go on Showtime at the Apollo and succeed.
I wanted to be on SNL and succeed.
I wanted to just for laughs.
All of that, you know.
I had these certain milestones before I turned 30.
Went on, had an opportunity to audition for Showtime at the Apollo
and did well at the audition, you know,
where people aren't, you know, hyped up on whatever shit they hyped up on.
And I went out there.
I just think immediately
i had like a mushroom you know for those of you don't know mushrooms it's like i had my hair
curled but like under under like uh daphne from yeah scooby-doo and i had on glasses
i had this geeky little shirt on. And I said something about roaches.
And immediately they booed me.
Immediately.
And I stood there.
Because you kind of like, you leave your body.
They can't possibly be me.
Right.
Is it that bad?
And then I remember getting danced bad? And then I remember
getting danced off
and then I went on the wrong side
where the winners go.
And then they were like, no, you
gotta go back. And I was like, no, let me just stay here
until the world ends.
So let me just give you a gun right now.
Right. Just let me stay here.
Who cares? I'm not gonna go out with the winner.
So when I walked back on the stage to go back across to where the losers go,
they booed me going across the stage.
They booed me when I walked out the theater because I didn't want to stay there with them.
Because when you come back and you've been booed, nobody wants to talk to you or touch you.
You feel like you've got, you know, cooties.
So they booed me as I walked up.
They had to restart the other act that was on the stage at the time
because it wasn't for her.
It was for me.
Oh, my God.
And then I got booed on the train ride home.
Some guys recognized me.
And then as they started booing me,
the rest of the train recognized that they recognized me.
And I got booed all the way from 125th Street to 68th Street,
Hunter College on the 6th
and I was like
you got booed from 65th?
dude
dude
my roommate who came at the time
left me
it was
so what happened was when I got
I have to tell you all the people like we've heard this
but for the people who haven't, I was so low.
My roommate had left me.
She was like, girl, I'll catch you at home.
And one of the PAs from the show was like, I can take the train with you.
I was just like really down and sort of like wandering.
And I remember went to the pay phone.
This is how old I am.
And I used a calling card to call my mom.
I remember that shit.
I used a calling card.
So not only am I, like, crying, I'm like, got to look at these numbers.
And it's like 55 numbers.
And then I called my mom, and I had that silence.
And my mom, who never cops to this, by the way, she goes, I didn't do that.
Oh, yes, you did.
Okay.
And I pick up the phone.
She picks up the phone.
And there's a silence.
And she's like, Yami, what's going on?
And I was like, I got booed on the Apollo.
And she's like, I told you not to go.
She was so mad that she told me not to go.
And she hung up.
I was so furious with her.
She's like, I told you not to go.
My mom was 100% behind me doing stand-up.
And when I first moved to New York, she had researched all these classes.
And she had got me in stand-up, not stand-up, at New York Comedy Club to take stand-up classes.
And she was like, you should keep studying stand-up and all.
So she was very, you know, committed to me and being in stand-up.
And she didn't want me to present myself for the first time ever in a bad light.
Because, you know, it's hard to recover from that.
When people see you bomb, they're like, oh, you're done.
You know, you don't hardly ever get another chance.
Or there has to be a lot of time distance before you get a chance.
So, you know, she was very upset about that.
And I just happened to get on the train.
You know, like, this PA was with me.
And he was just talking to me.
He was like, you know, you're so fun and funny.
And what do you think happened?
And we were just having to be talking about it.
And there were three young guys standing next to us.
And they were like, are you talking about Showtime at the Apollo?
We were just there.
And the PA that I was with, he was like, yeah, you know, she was on amateur hour. And I
don't think he did it deliberately. He was just like, out of
conversation. Well, he probably also didn't think they were going to be
fucking animals. Right.
He probably thought they were going to say, oh, wow.
Right, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go get it next time.
Let me boo this girl till we
hit Grand Central. They booed.
The guy said,
he said, oh, oh, that shorty. Oh, Jesus. The guy said, he said, oh,
oh,
that's Shorty.
Oh,
Jesus. He was like,
yeah.
And the guy was like,
do you guys remember
what she was talking about?
Do you remember
why you booed?
Like,
what?
He was like,
nah,
she said some shit
about roaches.
He was like,
we got roaches.
And he was like,
boo.
And his boy was like,
yeah,
boo.
And then they started
booing.
And then people were like,
what's going on?
And they was like,
oh,
that's the girls
on Apollo.
And they was like,
oh, that girl we booed.
Oh, boo.
And so it was so loud.
People at each stop were trying to get on the train.
And they was just like running to the next car because they didn't know what was happening.
It was a fight.
It was a bad game or something.
And the guy was like, let's get off.
And I was like, no, I'm not going anywhere.
I'm like, I'm just going to ride these all the way home.
Forget it. That's the difference, though. I feel like that's probably why the and i was like no i'm not going anywhere i'm like i'm just gonna ride these all the way home forget it that's the difference though i feel like yeah you know
like that's probably why you are where you are today because a lot of people were ran
you were literally like facing the music in that moment but it's kind of where could i go
where they probably would have got off and followed you to the local like
we're gonna transfer with this girl I used to have this
Video series called One Thing I Learned
Where we'd tell stories
And we'd have them animated
And these great cartoonists would do all these things
It'd be like a 5-10 minute video
And I would love to do that
Yeah that would be amazing
Oh I would love that
I would love that
We've been thinking about bringing it back With comedians and guests and things like that.
And this is the first one I've heard of.
You should tell it, but then it also cuts to a cartoon version of you going through it.
I love that.
No, I love that.
I do.
I would love to do that.
That is.
I'm going to.
This is the first one.
Because we've been talking about bringing it back for a while.
And this is the first story where I'm like, that an unbelievable one thing i love it i know they got you booked
for another show so we'll wrap it up here you got live shows coming up i do have live shows coming
up um i'm at the cellar this week um i think i just got back into town and I was like, I see, I forgot to tell you I'm back.
So she's giving me something.
So I don't know.
I don't remember what they were.
I'll be at the Atlanta Comedy Club the 22nd through the 24th of September and the 28th through October 1st.
I'll be back in Las Vegas doing Skank Fest.
So, you know, it's been a couple of years since I've done it.
And I was there in the very beginning.
I have a lot of love for the guys over there, Big J, you know, Dan Soder,
Louis J, Rebecca's doing all the behind the scenes, Christine.
If there's anybody that I'm missing, I'm so sorry.
But I'm just there to be with them and have a good time.
So I look forward to doing that.
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Great talking to you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.