KFC Radio - Feits and Pavs Go to Rome for the Ryder Cup Ft. Katherine Blanford

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 03:01 Jets without Rogers 05:18 JCole posted Kaepernick's letter to the Jets 12:51 Feits' terrible realization about himself while watching Sanctuary 27:17 Feits and Pavs are going to Rome 42:08 17,000 Faces: a SHOCKING story that is wildly underrated 54:47 9/11 Tom Brady fun fact 56:42 Video Voicemails 01:04:51 Football Tackle Reel: https://twitter.com/BetswapGG/status/1706465873022587328 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Stacker2 Energy: Buy Stacker2Chew Energy Gummies and B12 Energy Shots at Dollar General, where you can find all your favorite Stacker 2 products, or go to https://Stacker2.com. Zbiotics: Go to https://zbiotics.com/KFC to get 15% off your first order when you use KFC at checkout. Omaha Steaks: Go to https://OmahaSteaks.com today and use code KFC at checkout and get an extra $30 off your order. Celebrity Mint: CELEBRITY MINT, LAUNCHING OCT. 14 11:30 AM AT NY COMIC CON. FOLLOW @TheCelebrityMint Bowlero: Visit Bowlero.com to find your nearest Bowlero location to take advantage of the offers and experience the thrill of unlimited bowling on Friday NightsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Like, if someone was like, there's 17,000, I'd be like, you round it up. Like, you just opened that thing and you were like, I don't know, it's probably about 17,000 babies in there. Like, no, that was like, he opened up the thing and it fell. I said he opened up the door and it was like when sports equipment falls out of a locker. That's too stuffed. Loud, aggressive, and straight out of the attitude era.

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Stacker 2 products or go to stacker2.com. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's KFC. It's Feidelberg. And today we got Catherine Blanford on the show at the back end with a very, probably

our best interview in a little while and a all-time story. Like, legitimately one of the best stories ever told on Spotify. If it's not a machine-type story, like, she should, like, close her act every night like fucking Burt does. It should go viral, 100 million views type shit the way Burt did it.

It's about somebody who, like, if they, I'm surprised they haven't caught wind of it yet, and if they did, if they do, I feel like they would interact with it like a very famous person. And I think it would be like – it would change her career. So she's very funny. Great appearance and I think a great viral moment that could come out of it. We'll get into our voicemails.

Make sure you call the voicemail line to submit voicemails and submit videos. We're giving out prizes for best voicemail of the week from Pirate Water. And also we are going to wrap up this year. We are going to hit our final live shows. So I know we talked a little bit about how we're not going to tour anymore. And we canceled that Midwest swing because of Barstool Radio and because of ticket sales. We looked at the final two legs of the 2023 tour.

We are going to – the first leg is Cincinnati, Columbus, and Pittsburgh, and the second one is Minneapolis, ends in Buffalo, and one other place. But basically we looked at the ticket sales. Those are all very strong. Buffalo was like an instant sellout despite the fact that it's on a Sunday. Yeah. I remember. So it was going to be a blowout.

I remember. I remember when that happened. We didn't really look at the date. And we just had our agent book it. And then we were like, dude, you booked a show on a football Sunday for a Bills Mafia home game. Against Aaron Robinson and the Jets. it's going to have playoff implications. Whoa. You know, he's been pretty nice about it

until right now. And that was more mean than anything. I remember thinking, I was like, we can't Jets-Bills for the AFC East. It's a 425 game.

It's like, this is going to be. In late November. This is going to decide the AFC East. This is going to decide the AFC East. Nope. Yeah, because the fucking Dolphins are going to be running away with it. They're going to be in the dumps with us, pal. Dude, the Pats are going to be a playoff team.

The Pats are good. No, they are not. The Pats are good. I think you guys don't know what you're talking about because you have not watched any regular football in 20 years. No, dude, I've arguably watched more football this year than I've watched in recent years. Yeah, but I don't think you know what it looks like. It's bad.

It's really bad. Yeah. The Patriots aren't really bad. What makes you say that? I've watched all the games. They can move the ball. They can stop the ball. That's football, baby.

They didn't move the ball against the Jets at all. At halftime, they should have been up 16-0, They can move the ball. They can stop the ball. That's football, baby. They didn't move the ball against the Jets at all. At halftime, they should have been up 16-0 having given up one first down in the entire half. That's a blowout. They took the foot off their gas a little bit. Whatever. You don't take the foot off the gas when you're down by one. In how they ran the offense in the first half or second half, they did.

I think they don't have a very good offense. I think they're pretty good. I think think as the year progresses i think you're gonna see mac jones i look i don't know shit but i think i think mac jones is becoming the guy like a like a franchise quarterback i think mac jones is gonna be the guy for like the next 10 years i think i think he's showing flashes of what he works with when he's got a real offense coordinator versus a rocket scientist defensive coordinator, I think Mac Jones looks like the guy. Okay.

Meanwhile, Kaepernick is writing letters. J. Cole's posting them. That was like a fucking Mad Libs. What was that? You didn't see this? J. Cole posted on his Instagram Kaepernick's letter to the Jets. Kaepernick wrote a letter. I hope this goes on forever.

Kaepernick? I hope we're in 2035. And Tom Kaepernick wrote I hope this goes on forever Kaepernick I hope we're in 2035 and like and Colin Kaepernick's still available I saw a tweet that was like the year is 2035 Arch Manning is like you know playing for whoever Jamel Hill says why is why is Colin Kaepernick not why why why is Colin Kaepernick's phone not ringing bro I saw a really funny like a good back and forth football like eight years so yeah, well, so Jamel Hill tweets. So first of all, the letter read like a college graduate who was writing like a cover letter to get a job. He goes, Joe, I hope this letter finds you well and in great spirits despite the less than ideal start to a big season.

I'm wishing you, your staff, and the players a great game this weekend as you look to bounce back. I'm writing, of course, in response to the unfortunate loss of Aaron Rodgers. And he goes on to be like, I think I could be a real good asset to the team, not only in practice. At one point he goes, if I were to – he's writing for the backup role. So he's like, I want Zach Wilson to succeed. I hope – it's like, yeah, whatever. But then he goes, if I were able to fill this role for the team,

I believe it allows for multiple things. Number one, it gives your defense the advantage of getting a truer read on the more mobile, athletic, versatile quarterbacks the team will face in weeks four, five, and six, like Mahomes, Wilson, and Hertz. It's like, you're going to help them prepare for Patrick Mahomes? And at one point he says, at the end of the letter he says something like uh I think he says elite QB yeah I'm sure my ability to provide you with an elite quarterback option if QB one goes down and so so Jamel Hill tweets like uh the Jets just um the Jets just

signed Trevor uh Trevor Simeon who checks notes hasn't played a game, is 31 years old, and hasn't won a game since 2017. But sure, Colin isn't playing because it's a football decision. And someone said, it's definitely a football decision. He hasn't played in years. Watson only missed one full year, and is still struggling to get back to normal. And Jamel Hill says, so he's not better than Trevor Simeon? And someone goes, no, he's not.

I mean, Trevor Simeon, don't get me wrong, Trevor Simeon sucks, and that's not the answer either. And I am at the point where i'm like i get like give him a tryout like i don't know what's the harm in that he says he's like worst case scenario is i try out and you're not impressed i'm like that's not the worst case scenario because the worst case scenario is like it's a media frenzy it's always the distraction that comes along with it he's also like i've been working out every day for six years from five to eight a.m training like i'm gonna get a shot that i also do believe because i think his goal is just to one day make it back and be like just close the loop on this so i do think he's probably in great

shape but like training and being in great shape is not playing yeah the game the league has like definitively changed since he played you know i mean like he he was kind of the beginning of that and like he had that one year where he was that dude as like a mobile guy. And then like now everybody can do what he was doing. You know what I mean? It's like not special anymore. And by the way, you want to do this all with the worst offensive line. Like you're also just not going to – you're going to suck.

I – I'm back in on cat break now. I love that. I actually think it would just be for the same i'm a i'm a showman i like the theatrics and the pageantry like the end of the movie he gets like like fucking rudy where it's like he gets like one snap but it's like he made it back all right dude i want that rather than or or i want what you just said like it just goes on forever he's 50 years old i used to write that exact letter when the hot cheerleader got dumped by the quarterback. I'm like, hello, Samantha.

Sorry to hear about Aaron. If you're looking for someone to fulfill the backup role. Pros. Ridiculous. I just got it in my fist. And he wrote at the end, references, Jim Harbaugh, John Harbaugh, Chip Kelly, and Raiders owner Mark Davis.

For the last eight years, I have been masturbating feverishly. I think I could provide some good stamina. That is so funny. I think he wrote a no being like sorry to hear i mean how disingenuous is that to be like now we're all rooting for zach yeah colin kaepernick goes to bed every night with the fucking uh happy gilmore billy madison list the list like yeah he's fucking lobbying for turf fields. You guys gonna put grass in? Slow the game down.

That's what I think. Paz, would you want him if he could play? If he could play. Yeah, like, I don't give a... If, by some grace of God, he could play professional football, play professional quarterback at the

level necessary, I wouldn't give a fuck. I would take anybody. But, I mean, he's like – I think someone said he hasn't played since 16 and only had like one win in 2015. So it's been like literally 10 years since he had one football game. I mean, he's like a Tebow guy. He's like that one year where obviously they went to the championship. Then the league caught up to him and it was like, see you later. But it is kind of crazy that, like, I mean, Jamel Hill just rides so hard for him that it's like, he's like, what?

You don't think he's better than, like, Trevor Simeon? It's like, probably similarly. Dude, I get it. I get it with Tuka Rask. I got my guy. No, but that, you know, it's tough when you're a guy. Tuka Rask had a Vezina by the way. Yeah, exactly.

It's like, you picked the wrong guy. So, yeah, that's where my – I cannot believe I'm in a season that was supposed to have Aaron Rodgers. We're talking about Colin. We all have busy lives these days and can't afford to waste a day stuck on the couch because of a few drinks the night before. Z Biotics is the answer we've all been looking for. Excuse me. We've been listening for it, too. We've been looking for it.

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But I... Oh, yeah, life-wise? Come on. Life-wise, I texted you briefly about this, but I did not tell you the full story of what happened to me over the weekend. It's not, again, as bad as what the Jets did. But...

So, there's a new movie out on Hulu called Sanctuary. And... Have you guys seen this at all? Does anyone know what Sanctuary is? I have a feeling you and I and maybe just a few other fellows took a little more notice of this movie than most people. Okay. Sanctuary? Yeah. It stars Margaret Qualley.

I don't know how to pronounce her name. The girl from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. And Christopher Abbott, who I know from The Sinner. He's the husband in The Sinner. It's a good movie. It's a very good movie. It is a – they call it a new take on the rom-com, which I strongly disagree with. It is not a take on the rom-com.

To give you the synopsis of it, Margaret Qualley, who I'm going to keep saying her name that way. I don't know if it's right or not. Margaret Qualley is a dominatrix christopher abbott is the new ceo of a very public company or no very big company it's about to go public she is his dominatrix um she the whole movie if it feels very play-like i think i recommended the outfit recently it's kind of like that like the whole movie takes place in a hotel room. It's just the two of them acting their fucking dicks off. And it's very good. And I popped it on the other night.

I knew it was about some crazy, some issues and stuff like that. I was like, I'm going to give it a whack. Some crazy relationship, sex, power, dynamic struggle shit. The movie starts off, she's being her dominatrix self, and I was like, hmm. It moved. I was like, okay. I get it now. I was like, all right. That's something new about me.

Bro, we had this discussion later with katherine about about like getting weird it's like this is how it happened eventually just like wait a minute wait a minute that felt something i was like okay i've just learned something new about me this is like it was i mean like and like but i got it i forgave myself for that where i was like look it's a hot chick being fucking hot and i like you're all good john like fine whatever keep watching the movie and then it transitioned from stuff that like is traditionally sexy like not traditionally sexy it's untraditionally sexy but at least it's it's fairly common that dominatrix people find that hot and then it moved on to like she's no longer a dominatrix she's just a crazy person and like it's there's manipulation

blackmail uh rape uh she's she's basically like like he's like i got this new job and like i'm no longer gonna like hire you as a dominatrix yeah she's like fuck that you know we have a thing and you wouldn't have got that job if i didn't do this with you. So you can't leave me. Violence. She holds a knife to his throat. It's all kinds of stuff happening. And I don't know if it was because I was a little aroused earlier. Did you masturbate to this movie?

I didn't masturbate to the movie. But I was like – I thought he was about to say that. I was – If you masturbate to a non-porn movie, you need to be locked in jail. You need to be locked in prison. I think it's arguable what I did was worse. And I was like, this is fucking hot.

Tell me you called the dominatrix. No, no, no, no. I just paused the movie and I just sat in my own disgust with myself for a while. I was like, what the fuck, John? What the fuck is John? Fucking clean. You're fucking. What the fuck is wrong? Jesus Christ, dude.

I'm just sitting on my couch on the end of the Chase Lounge. Just paused the movie on the screen. I'm like, you got to fucking get it together. Dick half-heart. This is fucking nuts. You need to figure it out. I got my phone on mirror mode. What the fuck, bro?

You and I need to get together like we gotta find i gotta say page here dude this is not good this is not good and and i was like i can't keep i gotta i gotta fucking beat this out of me like so i got up and i i started boxing and have you ever exercised angry horny it was insane it's the craziest thing i've ever done like fucking blood in my penis fucking in my underpants in my living room just boxing what the fuck is bro to say that you didn't tell me the full story is a gross understatement. The text was, hey, if you want to relive PTSD, watch this movie. That was it. There was nothing about naked, horny boxing.

There was no blood in my dick boxing text. Just throw in hooks. Get it together. This has gone on too far. This is 23-year-old shit. How is this working for you? It was fucking nuts. It was nuts.

I will play devil's advocate a little bit here. I don't think it is 23-year-old shit. I think it's like 33-year-old shit. Really? I think that – I just missed the normal window. Yeah. I think so.

Honestly, I think that's what happened. i think that's what happened to us i i think i think we i think we we are uh we we were basically like sexually assaulted i think we missed the window i think we uh we got into some weird things when we shouldn't have and now it's too late and uh it was we're not ready to handle those things it was the most because because I was like – I was like, things are going well. I was like, I'm going to handle this movie fine. This is going to be cool. And I'll be honest. He said, you know, like, you want to really relive PTSD, watch this.

And I didn't know what that meant at first. And I watched the trailer and I was like, I'm not going to watch this. Because, like, I will – it will be PTSD. This will take me to a bad place. And then – and I watched the trailer. And so you posed it as like that. this because like i will it will be ptsd this will take me to a bad place and and and then and i watched the trailer and so you posed it as like that and i'm thinking like i start to get the picture and i'm like oh this is like a like a sex psych psychological thriller like horror movie yeah and then the words come up on screen like you said a new twist on the rom-com and a sexy take on relationships and i was like

no bro no this is what we've been campaigning for with the me too too movement none of this is fun but none of this is sexy there's no calm in this there's nothing even wrong it's just sickness it but like that is bull like that's bullshit no matter who you are if you watch that movie there's no comedy in it there there might be a lighthearted line or two. There was one moment that I kind of chuckled at, and again, I think it's because I have a broken brain, where she says something and he goes like, why are you like this?

You're so crazy. And I remember being like, that's relatable. I don't know if it's funny, but I remember being like, yep. Yeah, that was, yeah. Oh, I know. I remember the scene very well. Yeah, it's not funny. I've lived this scene a couple of times yeah it wasn't like i i think with my sense of humor having lived that scene i would find it funny right rather than

someone who hasn't right like if you haven't gone through this this should be a full-blown horror yeah like i don't get me wrong i at no point was I watching this with actual PTSD. Like I was, I, at times I was kind of like, yeah, that's about how you do it. Yeah. And I was like, never in a funny sense. Like,

and like, and I, I don't think it, I prefer to be very clear, by the way, I'm not like, it's crossed the line at no, but it's a,

it's a good movie. I, I recommend watching it. Um, but like, I wouldn't say it was funny either. I don't, I don't think it was attempting to be funny.

I think it was – But then why those fucking quotes? You saw those, right? I know. I never watched the trailer. I just heard it was a pretty good movie, so I watched it. It says, again, a new sexy twist on the – and I mean maybe that was their point.

Like it's not a rom-com. It's a sexy twist. A twist on the comedy. Horror. No, it's not. Yeah, right, right. Exactly, exactly. I will say –

Which I guess some people do say. Some people do go to horrors and laugh and stuff like that. When you've gone through that and you come out the other end, you can laugh at it. And when you haven't gone through it, I think you watch that and you're like, that's crazy. That doesn't happen. I also – I don't think there's anybody – I don't think there's any in between of someone who's like, holy shit. I got – like that scares me.

Like you know what I mean? I think they're just like, that's a crazy story about a dominatrix that was just acting. And it's like, that happens. That definitely happens. I also think, because I think the goal

is to have them both be flawed characters. And so you can see where she's coming from in some parts. At least, I mean, that's what I imagine any movie, right? It's not fun to have. Haven't watched it yet? Fuck that.

But I don't think they do a good job. He just likes to be told to clean the bathroom and doesn't want his mom to see that video. Right. And then he also – He's not a bad guy. He's a little weird, sure. He's a little weird, and he also just wants to stop doing that now. He's made a life choice to no longer do that he's always looking to no longer endure this service that's

i don't think he's a bad guy yeah no you know what it is it really those those uh why i say it's like a it it is a 23 year old 33 year old thing like i don't think you go through that yet i think when you're 23 you're just like i don't know like i don't care like see you later when you're later in life and they're like i'm gonna show this to your mom yeah or you know there's fine i'll kill her first i don't care can't do it she's dead uh but once you once you once you just say like all right like post the video. Tell the mom. Tell the wife. Tell the kids.

Then you can finally move on. But, boy, when you're in it, doesn't feel like you can do that. It is very funny watching the ebbs and flows of it. Where he's just like, just do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, man. I can't do it. Whatever gets me out of this conversation

fine yeah well it's it's uh it's truly the like the threat of something happening is worse than yeah yeah and that i really fully believe that in life now and and that's the ultimate one but it's also one where i'm like but do we really want to test this? It probably will end up being true, but also, what if it doesn't? Yeah, so Sanctuary, the official movie of KFC Radio. Again, it's a good movie. I think people will enjoy it. I legit do not think I will watch that movie. Truly.

I didn't have a hard time watching it, aside from dealing with my own... John, you ended up naked boxing. What are you talking about? But, like, that was, like... That wasn't, like, seeing... That wasn't PTSD. That was, like, why the fuck are you still horny?

Okay, well, fine, but I didn't have a problem watching it. You ended up violent. But, like, see? I don't count that as a problem. Violence is okay Violence is the answer Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Um The uh No like I wasn't like Oh no No I was like I was like dude come on Like

Seriously dude Fucking Seriously I think sometimes about some of my More Traditional friends And like what would have happened if they went through some of the stuff that like guys like us have gone through and i think that they would die i think some of my more

like just like you know vanilla kind of like naive friends like they would sit here now i'm like you got fun again though yo you don't live people talk about skydiving people talk about roller coasters dude you want to rush. It's fucking crazy. I'm talking about it right now like it's crack. I'm like, dude, it is wild. You're scaring me, bro. I remember, I for sure.

You never know what phone call you're going to get. This is going to be the last one ever right now. Some of the details that I wish I could tell that it's fucking insane i i i have i think this is a a defense mechanism in a spin zone but with everything i remember telling myself i was like when i am on my deathbed when i'm cashing out good bad or otherwise i will be able to say that like i live life on every end of the spectrum like i've seen the devil i've gone to the edge i've gone over the edge and back i've been through the fire and back to the fire because there is yeah when you're taking those phone calls you're in those moments you're like the police are gonna come aren't they

like yeah they are because I called them. That's what I meant, too. That's what I meant, too. Like, oh, no, it's too late. I dialed. They have the GPS thing. I can't just tell them no. I can't just say it was okay.

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All right. Paz and I are going to Rome. Yeah. Dude, I'm so pumped for this. I think I just want to put this out into the ether. I, you know, for some reason, I've never thought of it as like – before Dave bought Barstool back and I was thinking about trying to like grow the comedy side of things, I had a thought that I was going to tell everybody like just be who you are and stop trying to be what you think you need to be. Like Francis, you should just be like the comedy guy.

Like that's your thing. And like you're the dark, weird comedy guy. Like be that. Do that well. And it will eventually work and like if you found something that works if the NASCAR thing works for you do the NASCAR thing large like don't worry about finance whatever

whatever works whatever you are just do it and I think it's just always been so obvious that you are like the fashion guy and that should be something you do you should be going to fucking Rome and flying all over the country going all these things all the time you should have social media accounts about it you should be something you do. You should be going to fucking Rome and flying all over the country and going to all these things all the time. You should have social media accounts about it.

You should be that guy. I've been doing a little more in that world. And that's just like little. I go to parties or some shit like that. And people have brought the, like, you should do content. I'm like, I'm not. Dude, I remember years ago Like old office

I forget the guy's name But Erica was friends with The guy who worked at GQ And they were like Oh we should like have And this is like back when Like huge We had like to the moon

And it's like It's like we just went to New York They're like do you want to Fucking call them at GQ Where you list your five I was like no I don't want Like that's crazy To have me be? I was like, no. I don't want to. Like, that's crazy to have me be like, these are the five hot items.

I don't think it is. That's nuts. Why is that nuts? I mean, it's. I think you would love that. It's. And I think you're good at it. And maybe then it was.

But I think now you're older and, like, you have curated your taste a little bit. Like, dude, I mean, if that Ralph Lauren the red jumpsuit thing mood board, that is such a very real thing. I'm serious. I really think that you would like it and you'd be good at it. I don't see why you don't do it. I don't

think I'd be good at it. I don't think my heart's in it. I think I'd just like to... You're making excuses. Maybe. Because I think you are very good at it. I mean, every single time it i think i just like to i think this is uh you're making excuses i maybe yeah maybe because i think you are very good at it i mean every single time i said it on radio the other day anytime i've ever made fun of something you're wearing like it becomes the trend like six months later but i'm also late but like it's just like but that's but that's a role like i'm not saying you're gonna be like you know i decide what's on uh you know the runways in france for next year but there is a role of like

i kind of know what's going on there but i know i can't dress like that totally like here's a way to dress like normal but stylish and and you can start to put some of your own spin on it where it's like i i do like this one i don't like that one not saying you're gonna which one's gonna blow up or whatever you're just like this is popular i're just like, this is popular. I don't like it. This is popular. I do like it. I think that's a very real role that people would appreciate. Dude, actually, funny you're saying this because last night I was in Long Beach, Long Island. It was probably like midnight. I was outside of 7-Eleven, standing, waiting for an Uber, eating Sour Patch Kids.

And someone just walks by me from the back and goes, dude, nice jacket. And I went, hey, thanks, man. And he went, oh, shit, Feidelberg? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, bro, they always say your fits suck, but you look awesome. And I was like, I don't know who they are, but thank you. They are a bunch of fucking slobs Who don't know fashion

That's the classic I don't know what that needed to be said for We need to say it that way Could have just said Like your jacket And I was waiting with my buddy And I was like I'm going to be honest man I wasn't sure about this jacket

It was a parka I bought last year And I was like I didn't know if it was going to work Thanks for that But anyway the point is that year, and I was like, I didn't know if it was going to work. Thanks for that. But anyway, the point is that Paz and I are going. We are invited guests of Del Toro and Ralph Lauren. Which is like the perfect example of like you are those loafers. And then like the next day, Brad Pitt was like, these are the best loafers.

Well, my boy was first. We are going to the Ryder Cup. Paz and I, you know, back when Paz and I, we Pitt was like, these are the best loafers. Well, my boy was first. We are going to the Ryder Cup. Paz and I, you know, back when Paz and I, we started working together, we're like, we're never going to miss a Ryder Cup. And we're staying true to that. So we're going to the Ryder Cup. We're going to, like, the hospitality tent because Ralph Lauren and Del Toro designed Team USA's outfits, gear. I don't know exactly what it is.

This is going to be the beginning. Someone from Ralph Lauren is going to be there and be like, that's the mood board guy. I have not packed yet. We are recording this at 2 p.m. 10 p.m. Flights at 1030. I haven't packed yet.

So I don't know. I think you should pack the red suit and that's it. And just be like, look, it's me. I'm the Kool-Aid guy. Bro, I can't wear the red suit and that's it. And just be like, look, it's me. I'm the Kool-Aid guy. Bro, I can't wear the red suit without the jacket because I do look like the Kool-Aid guy. That jacket covers up a pretty fucking significant issue in looking good. I will say there is other pictures from the trip, and I'm like, we don't post those ones. I think we post them yeah

but they're like this yeah yeah yeah like what the fuck is that the kool-aid guy is that dude is that elvis at the end of his career bro i'm telling you the the reason i want you to do this so bad is i've only truly once in my life ever – it was on that trip. You wore your thing and I wore red pants and a red blazer with I think like a black shirt underneath or whatever. Yeah. And we came out. We got changed and we had set ahead of time. We went shopping for these ridiculous things because we're like Chinese New Year. It's – Bert said wear something red and we were like, Chinese New Year, it's, Bert said,

wear something red and we were like, should we just wear red t-shirts? Like, no, fuck that, let's go all out. It's like a once in a lifetime trip

and we came out in Bert's suite dressed like that and Mark Smalls was like, oh, fucking so jealous. Like, there was a couple, like when we first had met

and we were like planning what we were going to do, and he kind of kept eyeing us being like, I fucking wish I did that too. Like, you guys look so dope right now, and I'm just, like, wearing normal clothes. And that was the only time I've ever had anybody say that about my outfit. So I – for, like, one second of my life, I was like, this feels awesome. Like, I get it now. And you could get that all the time. We'll see.

We'll see. I'm very excited. I'm going to force you to do this. I'm very excited. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think something so simple as, like, it is like a little GQ column of, like, five things or whatever, which is a little cookie cutter and corner. I would never do that.

I don't, because I just don't think that I – But it could just be like, here's what I like. Yeah, I guess. That's all you got to do. I would not be like, here's what you should wear if you're like 30-something and on a date or you live in the city and you're a yuppie and blah, blah, blah. Just be like, this is what I wear and here's why I like it. I think what you could do is like – like what I would never know is like,

I like this outfit because these go with this and that. And like that's where people can pick up some things. You know what I mean? Like I remember when you told me the Larry David thing of like don't match too much. I was like, oh, sometimes I do try to like match everything and I'm not going to do that anymore. Like just little things you can pick up that aren't like telling people what to do or where it's just like here's what i like that people don't want to be told they want to look and be like what's the fit you know what i mean like how can i buy this like that looks good i want to try that like here are the links done i always think that isn't good advice

though because it's just like it's so like i i'm not even comfortable doing this but like it's just for you like it's just what you're comfortable with it is the only thing that's why it works because you are genuine about it you're not like it's just if something is trendy and you don't like it you're not gonna wear it you know what i mean like it's just got to work for you which is part of the process of that that's what you convey to people like you can have a disclaimer at the top by the way these are all just things i like wear whatever you fucking whatever works for you it'll be we'll see how it goes. You're getting invited to fucking Italian fashion shows,

you dumb dickhead. Run with it. Bro, I am nervous. I wish I was getting invited to this shit. I am nervous about, so we're going to the, we get there, we fly out tonight, get there Thursday, one, dinner Thursday night, dinner Friday night, and then the event is Saturday.

And, Pabst, I don't know if you've looked at the itinerary the the bus leaves the hotel saturday morning at 6 a.m and comes back at 7 p.m and i'm like what the fuck am i gonna do for 13 hours john yesterday said when's nap time like 13 hours is a crazy amount of time because you know what it is I'm rarely awake for 13 hours straight never when we hit 5 o'clock at work John shuts down there have been times where if the podcast runs until 5 o'clock I'm like we gotta wrap it up

this is only going to be like a 45 minute episode John can't keep going I told Kevin yesterday I'm almost doing the Newman I'm Kramer Isaac Newton thing where it's like I sleep in three-hour intervals. I go – last night because I had to go out to Long Island, it was a little – I didn't get it. But the night before, I slept from like 5 – no, from 7 to 9.30 and then from midnight to 2 and then from 5 to 8.

You ain't going to do that. I don't know what – I need a to do that. I don't know. I need a lot of sleep. I don't know. Yeah, you're kind of like a bear. What if I just go find and take a nap on the golf course? Well, I think the other, there's only one other option, and that's to stay awake and do the things that make you stay awake.

I think it's much more likely. I think it's much more likely John's going to do cocaine at the Ryder Cup than take a nap at the Ryder Cup. You know, the problem is you guys are going full golf. You're going into the golf world. Yeah. The golf world is very similar to the fishing world where I know guys who would

sleep till noon every day but the day that they have a fishing outing or a golf trip will get up at like 4am and drive a thousand miles to get to the course to then play three straight rounds and they come back sunburned drunk and tired and they're like, and tomorrow

we're doing it again. These guys, they don't need naps they they probably are on cocaine they just want to consume golf for fucking 18 straight hours it is uh i'm very excited it's gonna be dope i'm not gonna think about the raw empire the whole time i think i really think you should try to make the most of it too and like i just think they're something serendipitous is gonna happen as long as you put yourself in the right position and i think you always do do that like i don't think you're just gonna be like let's go to the hotel and sit you know yeah yeah and you so you always do make yourself like put yourself out there and i think you will there'll be somebody who's like recognizes you or just likes your outfit or as a connection that that's probably

why i haven't packed yet is because this is is the first time I've ever packed where I feel pressure. Yeah. I don't know. You should film this. Or post what you packed. Just do it if you don't like it. Italian style sucks. New York City style is way better than baggy shit.

That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to blend all the worlds. I'm trying to do this little Italian, little golf. I gave all in. I went full Italian. No, you didn't though because Italian is tight. Yeah, no, that's what I was doing. No, I wasn't like tight baggy.

You know what I mean? No. I could like tuck in my shirt, but it's not like suction cup. Okay, because I mean the big Barstool joke forever was not joke, but just like storyline was Dave went to Italy and came back and he bought clothes like four sizes smaller than he used to wear. And then he grew out of them again. He's like, I have a $10,000 wardrobe that I can't wear anymore because I put on 10 pounds. We are going to have a weird Barstool contingency there too because I guess Whitney just said yesterday on Chicklets he's going to be there.

But I think they all get there Sunday, and we leave Sunday morning. So I don't think we'll see Whitney. I don't think we'll see Frankie. We might see Dan Rappaport. I'd say like a 15% chance, though, you're like change your flights or something, and you're like, ah, we'll stay with the boys. I can't. Pat's Cowboy Sunday 4.

I got to go. Can I get home? No. I also got to be back at work Monday. I'm trying to have Portnoy not find out about this. Talking into a microphone would have been a mistake. On KFC radio? Bro, I could literally scream it. We could just say the rest of the show, we could just go, John's going to Italy, John's going to Italy.

He would not find out. I'm paying my own way. I'm just going to Italy, John's going to Italy. He would not find out. I'm paying my own way. I can't, there's, I'm just going to Italy. I got invited to Italy and I'm going. I'm taking a three-day vacation, okay? Where I'm not missing anything I do. You're fine, who cares? Celebrity Mint is the first venture of its kind

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You know what I mean? Somebody tells you, like, a truly crazy story. You're like, oh, I don't know all the facts of that, but, like, I knew it happened, you know? And for the first time in a long time, I stumbled upon something on the internet that I was like, how do we not talk about this? Oh, every single day of our lives. Like, every single show should start with this. I had to fact check it, and I did, and it's all real. On May 27th, 1982, these guys opened up a repossessed storage container in Los Angeles.

And inside of this repoed storage container was the bodies of 17,000 babies. thousand babies many of the children were found with missing arms legs heads and internal organs the medical lab that was responsible was an abortion facility I do not know how

you count to 17,000 dead babies. But I thought this was bullshit. I thought this was an internet thing because attached to the tweet is like a news report from the 80s. And then I Googled it and there is a Wikipedia page on it that's like the dead baby facility. And it said that these guys, when you have an abortion facility, and I guess this was like one where it's not just like, you know,

early fetus. It was like some fucking, you know, late term shit there. It's their job to dispose of. And they like ran out of funds to do the disposal. But like, they just,

they're like, we, we have the money to like store them, but we don't have the money to get rid of them but we have $7.99 a month though and they somehow counted up approximated estimated 17,000 dead babies in a storage facility i gotta say that's gotta be an approximation because otherwise what a specific number. One. Two.

But I mean just like – Three. Like exactly 17,000. Like if someone was like, there's 17,000, I bet you round it up. Like you just opened that thing and you were like, I don't know, it's probably about 17,000 babies in there. Like – No, that was – No, that was like he opened up the thing and it fell.

I said he opened up the door and it was like when sports equipment falls out of a locker that's too stuffed. And he went like, holy shit. And somebody grilled him and was like, well, how many were there, Johnson? He was like, there was like 17,000. If I had to guess, like 17,000. All right, I'll write it down. I mean, that is – Because that seems too high.

Like, if I were just were to guess, if you were, like, how many babies fit in a storage facility, I'd be, like, 3,000 probably. Yeah, maximum. 17,000. It's for sure single-digit thousands. So now I also – you got to remember this was, like, a – it's called los angeles fetus disposal scandal on wikipedia it's a like um barge storage unit on the docks like one of those big rectangles like it's not like a pods yeah yeah like dexter yeah yeah it's like this is like on one fit on the docks in like a basically like defunct junkyard on the docks there's this huge fucking thing um but ronald reagan talked about it said it was a national tragedy it inspired a song

by pop singer we can listen to the song type in pat boone i don't know fetus songs uh they were finally buried in 1985. Would they just do like one big hole? What's it called? What's the song called? Why, Baby, Why. It's probably appropriate. Let's listen to the Pat Boone abortion song.

16,000 faces. Okay. That makes, yeah, let's do it. I thought it was going to be a different word with an F. Fetuses. Oh, yeah. No. None of these songs start the way I would have guessed. No way.

This is an 80s synth song. 16,000 faces. 32,000 eyes. 64,000 arms and legs, at least a million cries. 16,000 fathers running from a rusty grave. 16,000 mamas hiding from the child that you didn't save. 16,000 mothers have disappeared without a trace. 16,000 children stayed, each one has a face. Each one had a future.

Everyone had its plan. 16,000 heartbeats. Stopped in the doctor's hands. This song is crazy. This is a banger. It is a crazy song. Dude, this is what I'm talking about. How did I not know this existed? It is.

That not only was there 17,000 dead babies, but that somebody made, like, an 80s synth, like, club song to, like, bum bum bum bum bum bum. That's like, it's an apropos song. It's pretty Halloween-y. That's what it is. It feels like a, like, Monster

Mash song. Yeah, like Tracy Morgan. Like, if you're at a, uh, if you're at, like, a school Halloween party where you're touching like the spaghetti brain there's a song like that playing in the background like spooky song spooky song i mean that is fucking insanity i thought it was gonna be like you know like melissa ether ethridge type shit yeah you, this like pour your heart out ballad, not a boom, boom, boom, boom. Like there was some

tech music engineer being like, put a little hi-hat in there, drop a little bass down a little bit, you know, hit me with that synth. That was nuts. I take umbrage

with a lot of the terminology in it as a staunch believer in women's rights. Pro-choice. Pro-choice. Pro-choice. I don't agree with the terms, but the beat hits. So what are you going to do? I mean, that was crazy.

When you played the first song and it was like a doo-wop song, I was like, that's not it. Yeah. But that was crazy. Good song, too, though. It's a good song, too. Yeah, that's a pretty crazy thing. I feel like probably nobody listened to this song, and that guy was like,

my 16,000 dead baby song fell on deaf ears. God, where's the guys who promoted Sound of Freedom when I need them? So, yeah, listen. It said Weisberg had stored the specimens properly, but had not disposed of them due to financial difficulties. Okay, I'm going to be extremely, like, crass here. But, like, just fucking, like, light that shit on fire, no? Like, fucking throw gasoline in the thing.

Light it on fire. Burn those dead babies. Just do what they did at, like, fucking all the chemical companies. Just throw it on the river. That, too, though. It's like, yeah, just fucking dump this shit. This is so fucked up. It's like, yeah, just fucking dump this shit. This is so fucked up. It's like, send them where Osama bin Laden's body is.

You know, take a boat out there and just fucking. I do like to think of the poor guys who opened the container. They're just like, what do you think's in here, Ricky? Like, probably a. Probably like some dusty furniture. Or what's the name? A lamp. What's the name? Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Or what's the name of it? A lamp. What's the name of it?

Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral.

Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Oral. Maybe we'll find an Oral Hershizer rookie card in here. Yeah, like you're doing some.

Jesus Christ. Like. Tom. Tom. It's. I know you wanted an old Harley in this big thing. Like. Can you.

Can you please do a swastika type skit on that? You guys almost have to. Bro, you gotta be kidding me. Dude, you almost have to. I think they won it at a storage war auction. Opening scene. Opening scene is just text on the screen. In 1982,

15,000 dead babies were found in a storage unit. This is that story. And you're walking up there licking your chops. I think we got a good one on our hands. Just starting like, $1,000! babies were found in a storage unit. This is that story. And you're walking up there licking your chops. I think we got a good one on our hands. Just starting like, $1,000, $1,500. Did we just pay $1,500 for 17,000 dead babies? It's kind of a steal when you think about it. Weisberg's Medical Analytical Laboratories received $175,000

with $88,000 coming from pathology tests on aborted fetuses. Of this, half of it, 44K, was paid federally through the United States Department of Health. What does this mean? Like, they got money for this? Because the laboratory was out of business and its owner had declared bankruptcy, there was no assets against which to

proceed for civil recovery. I who's really okay now let's be very real here who's suing like you decided to abort this baby and you're gonna get mad about how it was disposed of you already made the choice that that that thing is out of your hands now That guy basically bought that fetus off of you I like that You mean you didn't give it a proper burial? You told me you were gonna You chopped his arms off?

What? Dude I am also I'm glad you texted this to me Because We gotta talk about your For You page Yeah Because whoever I went to this guy's timeline afterwards And he's like we gotta talk about your 4U page yeah because whoever

I went to this guy's timeline afterwards and he's like do you know Bill Gates and McDonald's have teamed up to make chicken nuggets it is this guy yeah I was like oh it's like what's Kevin getting fed

dude that's that's why I started this is the problem I started my burner account because my 4U page was just constantly right-wing nut shit. And I was like, I don't like this. Mine is too.

But yeah, but that's where I'm at. Why do you guys use your For You page? Yeah, well, I forget a lot of times. I also just open it up and it defaults to that. Mine sticks on. I didn't change anything. I swiped to the right once and it just, it stays on your page or for you.

No, for you, it's right wing stuff. That's why I'm like, I really do believe that like when people are like, there is an agenda or whatever, it's like, I do not get one single liberal tweet.

And I think I, I lean that way. I would say so. And it's always, maybe, maybe that's the point. Cause I am always like this fucking guy. Yeah.. And it's always – maybe that's the point because I am always like this fucking guy that makes me want to engage. So maybe that is the point.

But more often than not, I get like – and then I mute them and then they're back. So I'm like this – there really is something going on there. So I started my burner and I tried like very hard to not look at anything. But then when I came back to Twitter, like this is back to my original like you know my original twitter which i i don't know man maybe they just looked at my behavior and was like this is what this guy wants but i'm like i hate this i think i think you texted to me uh i would guess like 11 30 midnight i was definitely in bed and i like i looked at that guy's timeline, and I was like, it felt like almost like when your grandfather starts saying stuff.

Yeah. All right, we got to get Fox News off a little bit. Yeah. And I was like, Kevin's sending me at midnight. Do you have any of these aborted babies in 1980? No. Well, and then let's just, to be fair, to play out for the sake of transparency here, I said that's bigger than 9-11. John said that's five 9-11s.

And we forgot. Yeah, and we didn't. We forgot about every single one of those except for Pat Boone. By the by, while we're just casually mentioning 9-11, we were hit with an extremely fun fact on Barstool Radio, 9-11 we were hit with a extremely fun fact on barstool radio 9-11 related just like the uh the initial one was how uh 50 shades of gray was created because 9-11 because 9-11 created my chemical romance my chemical romance created fan fiction for twilight and then that became 50 shades of gray so kinky sex if you're getting your ass eaten, it's probably because of 9-11. We also found out that after 9-11 happened, everything was shut down, including sports.

And that week, the Pats were supposed to play the Jets. And they pushed that game a week. And then after that push, you know, totally just new set of circumstances. Starting quarterback for the New England Patriots gets injured in a little Mo Lewis action. And a little-known backup quarterback took over named Tom Brady. And so 9-11 basically handed the Patriots all their Super Bowls. So, you know, congratulations. You guys peddle in terrorism and you basically support Al Qaeda and the death of 3,000 innocent Americans every time you celebrate those Super Bowls.

Dude, between BDSM and Brady, Bin Laden's the homie. And we're going to have the nerve to complain to sales. Why isn't this sold? Did you say Bin Laden is the homie? But yeah, it's context. It's not a context. Context matters. Intent.

Oh, we were talking about fucking Mo Lewis and Tom Brady. It's not a context. Insane. Let's go to voicemails. Thanks, Osama. Of all the things in life, one of the very best has to be getting high whenever you want, wherever you want, without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk. What's the best way to do that?

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Glenn! Glenn's back. He's got subtitles too. Oh! Whoa, that was a crazy right leg. Holy hell. Wait, what? What did he say? Start over. Whoa, that was a crazy right leg. Holy hell. So the Harry Potter audiobooks, right? If you're listening to them, you're probably either listening to Stephen Fry or Jim Dale. Those are two mainstream um here's what you guys whoa that was a crazy my leg holy hell anyways so the harry potter

audiobooks right uh if you're listening to them you're probably either listening to stephen fry or jim dale okay those are two mainstream narrators uh stephen fry stephen fry that made me do nasty terrible saw level things to me and i would still be indebted to him for what he did on those tracks jim dale on the other hand is a waste of space on this planet uh that's how i feel you get the picture uh it's a drama i've been banging heavy for a minute it's probably my number one take uh i'm scrolling through tiktoks the other day and what do i see actually can we make sure that jackie's sitting down for this um what do i see but some barbie promo right we have margot robbie and we have ryan gosling doing an interview margot robbie gets asked what's your favorite guilty pleasure franchise wouldn't you

know it she says harry potter and specifically the audiobook she's going on and on about how she loves him and the interviewer this dumb bitch she says she tries to relate she goes oh yeah jim dale and margot robbie goes no actually i'm a fan of stephen fry uh so i really close that tiktok call to everybody i knew and their mom and i said fucking bitch i was right you're like oh yeah stephen fry's great you don't have to say all those things about jim dale you're not even allowed to say that word anymore who cares man i was right i had an opinion that margot robbie agreed with and then it became a fact as a result um so i guess my question is has that ever happened to you slash if it hasn't what's a take that you have right now and what's the person that you would need to agree with it where you're just like, it's raps, man. It's over. Thanks.

Glenn's the fucking best. Whoa. Glenn is the best for knowing that, like, let's speed this up. Let's keep it under a minute. That would have been like three minutes long. I've said it. Yeah. And he did the subtitles.

By the way, I got I got a guy who who's read a few books. I started to search for books on his name because I was like – I do audio books at night to go to sleep, but I also end up getting into them a little bit. And I can't listen to certain people. I'm like, this guy's voice fucking sucks. I want to hear this book, like nope you're out uh my guy is my guy is i think his name's rob brick or something like that so just just to just point star just to know that like this is rob brick you see the new rob brick and adrian chachik scene dude uh let me let me just get my guy's name. It's Richard Poe. Dick Poe is my guy.

So the general question is, what's a take that you had and then you were proven completely? I believe Keegs vehemently disagrees with this because I actually know the clip he's talking about because Keegs, like, quote tweeted or posted it, and I think she was like, Margot Robbie's wrong here. I believe. I could be wrong. Maybe she was like, Mar robbie's right but i think she's a jim dale guy um so the jury's out on that but the uh speaking of keegs was there ever a time that i had an opinion and it was proved completely correct i can't think of anything. The, um... I don't know. I, right now... Oh, oh, oh.

Al Jazeera is my best one. Al Jazeera is my best one. Because I said that joking, but I was kind of like, I'm not actually joking. I'm going to say I'm joking because the internet's really mad. But I remember being like, I think there's a chance that Al Jazeera is not reliable. And everyone was like, this is racist, and this is a bad take, and this is ignorant. And then it was like, Al Jazeera is funded and run by Al Qaeda. I remember being like.

Oh, really? I remember being like, oh, my God. Racism works. I was so fucking pumped. I was like, I was running victory laps all over the place i was demanding apologies and shit of course none of that's gonna happen but i was like al jazeera who believes them they're funded by terrorists everyone's like and then it was like uh six months later there's like al jazeera is funded by terrorists it's like direct quote i was like

holy fucking shit it's like the only time that's ever happened the um i've been wrong about everything else my whole life travis kelsey and fucking al jazeera hooked me up the uh what do you call it the one i i just talked about on radio too like it's it's offenses need to just run and gun every time did you not see like like that jets Jets-Patriots game, nobody could move the ball, and then they both just started fucking around when there was five minutes left, and they had to just go, and they both scored. Everyone – if you – it's like teams don't act like they need points. You need points every drive.

Yep. If you act like you need points, whenever you need points, teams get points. They did it in – I think we talked about this again too, though. The overtime game, week one, it was like the Jets gave up a drive, and then their defense was back on the field right away for overtime. And Tony Romo was like, but this is going to be totally different now because they're just throwing different defense. And it was three and out.

And it was like, oh, why didn't they do that the first time? Yeah. I don't want to football-splain to people, but, like, points are good. Not getting points is bad. So every drive, go get points. And I just – there is, of course, I get what they're saying. Like, you know, depending on field position and time on the clock and, you know, you don't want any – you're playing, like, you know, no deep ball, all this shit.

But, like, I really genuinely believe there is, like, football has become so overanalyanalyzed that like you let some of the best athletes just fucking go yeah and improvise and like shit happens you know the the person to agree with me would obviously be tom brady um yeah but i actually saw a clip from him he tweeted this morning his uh his podcast and i saw a clip from it and um excuse me it's actually crazy like jim gray and him are still doing that yeah um i feel like that should be bigger than it is i mean i'm sure it does well but it's like i feel like i should get a tom brady once a week clip where i'm like holy shit you know i i think he like it's not you know he doesn't do like get promoted i think i i think it's like i don't think he really says that many inflammatory things.

Like on the Steelers version of this podcast, Ben Roethlisberger and Jerome Bettis were like, they cheated to beat us this week. Were they – they talk football or they talk like life? I think it's a little bit of both. Yeah. But like – They cheated to beat us this week. That's funny. They were like – they knew what this sign meant and they just like, they would change their offense.

I was like, that sounds like football. Yeah, that sounds like you fucking had a bad system. And by the way, Bill Cowher says they didn't cheat. Bill Cowher's like, we all did that. It's called sign stealing. It exists in every sport. We're trying to figure out what you're doing. But Brady had a very interesting thing where he was talking about – he was asked how the game was changed.

And I'm sure that's because – did you see that viral clip this week, like who misses early 2000s football? No, but – Dude, check it. Just pure violence. Bro, it actually was like kind of uncomfortable for me. Yeah, like just people getting decapitated. Just go to my Twitter.

I retweeted it probably like the other day. It shouldn't be too far down. But I retweeted my buddy who quote tweeted it with – which I do like retweeting him sometimes because he doesn't have like a ton of followers. But then it's like, whoa. I think he's got like 1,000 likes or whatever now. Right. Because he just said early 2000s football is a snuff film.

But it's like In this clip What the hell is this? Why is this from 2019? Yeah I think because you're not logged in They like I mean I know what you're talking about though

It's just like But like in this minute and a half clip Like Nine people go unconscious Where it's like Jesus Christ They're doing the arms and shit Yeah Like people you see It's like when they say that They're doing the arms and shit. Yeah, like, people, you just see them.

It's like, when they say that, I'm like, I do not miss that. I really don't. In watching that clip, I was kind of like, Jesus Christ. I mean, yeah, we always joke about Jacked Up, but, like, Jacked Up used to be, like, a celebration of people getting fucking, like, oh, he's not going to be able to walk with his kids one day. Oh, he can't remember his grandchildren's name. Oh, Jacked Up.

But the It was asked Brady how it's Going to change And watch this one right here He actually Wait leave the sound on That was okay Jesus Oh I remember that one

Yep yep Oh Oh Oh! That's his own fault on that one. Oh, my God. Oh! But. Holy. Holy shit.

But the. So Brady was asked like how the game has changed or whatever. And. He. Something I never even thought of. Where it's pretty interesting. Where he. He's talking about how you got to keep the physical violence in the game of, where it's pretty interesting, where he's talking about how you've got to keep the physical violence in the game and how it's an important part of the game.

And he was talking about, like, when I used to play Ray Lewis, I wasn't just thinking, like, get a first down. When Ray Lewis hit somebody, they got hurt. So, like, I would have to, in my mind, I'd be like, is this

eight yards worth losing playing for three or four weeks? And that's a huge factor in the game. That's crazy. You know what's crazy is sometimes you made that choice. It's like, we're getting eight yards, boys. You know? Sorry, sorry, sorry, dude. What are you going to do, Wes?

Right, right. Hey, Wes Welker's at home right now like a fucking bowl of porridge because Tom Brady wanted those eight yards that one dime. That is crazy. Yeah, he's like, Brady Lewis would just hurt people. And, like, you're like, can I lose this guy? I was like, that's crazy to have to, like, weigh all those options. He was talking about, like, Zach Wilson isn't making all his checks.

And, like, Brady was making all his checks. Like a welfare check. And deciding, can all his checks. Welfare checks. And deciding, can I lose that person? Crazy, dude. But yeah, anyway, that's it. Offenses should go no huddle every time. And if Tom Brady agrees, then I'm right. I just had a good one.

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and experience the thrill of unlimited bowling on Friday nights. Thanks, Bolero. How's it going, everybody? Question for you. What's something that should be easy but you're really bad at? My example is plugging things in. Every time I go to plug something in, I line it up and I just miss. I get that a lot, too.

For example, an HDMI cord at the back of a TV, that's my absolute nightmare. That's a bad one too. I'm going to miss every single time trying to plug that thing in. I'm going to start cramping up. It's going to get in my head and that thing is not going to be plugged in. Also, super bad at opening bags that have those little dotted lines to rip. I will destroy that bag every time. So what's something that is supposed to be super simple

that you are just incapable of doing? The plug, the USB is the trope. HDMI I have trouble with. The USB-C, like the other USB, like the universal one, is very hard for me. I don't know which way to go. And then also like old school plugs that are like one is a little wider than the other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I look at it. I'm like, okay, it's this way. I always get that wrong. I'm with you on plugging in. I'm also with you on the peeling opens. The ones that have the flap that peel. The circular. You're opening up a bottle of water or whatever it has. It says peel here and you just end up ripping that plastic thing off

and it never opens. That one's bullshit um i i i'm i'm i'm not great at plugging things in but that's because i'm scared um i always i always see the blue that blue light flash and i'm like the next one's gonna get me um i mean i'm i'm i'm really bad at checking my email i'm really bad at keeping up with my calendar i'm really bad at rsvp-'m really bad at keeping up with my calendar. I'm really bad at RSVPing to things. Those are just on account of depression and non-confrontational issues and self-esteem and stuff. But as far as physically stuff I can't do? Oh, I know. This isn't really like something I'm bad at.

It's something I think we're all bad at. And I wonder if we can just admit it. Or maybe I'm bad at it and you guys are gonna tell me something different right now hit me how do you wash your back like i don't think i've ever washed my back i don't think i i mean i do like my shoulder i don't even shoulders you don't do your shoulders nope oh you should probably do that well Well, I go here. I can't get over. Oh, yeah, because you're like a fucking meathead. But even if I'm not in shape, how do I get my back?

I mean, I think if you're talking about really scrubbing your back, people have the fucking brush that they use. I just don't do that. So we're just all going around every day dirty backs? I mean, this is probably something that black people will make fun of us for and they're like,

oh, white people have disgusting backs. But I just don't think it's a thing that needs to get scrubbed. I think I... I rub my shoulders and I have shampoo and I think my back will just get cleaned by water. But I'd argue your back is the sweatiest part of your body.

But I think sweat will get... Like, I don't think you need to scrub away sweat. I think hot water and, like, dripping soap will get rid of sweat. But so where does all the dead skin happen? Where does all the dead skin go? How does it get off? I don't know about dead skin. I don't really think about dead skin when I'm washing my body.

I think about it more as, like, sweat. You're mostly getting off. That's what stinks. Really? What about, like, lower back? Huh? You could do, like, lower back. Yeah, but, like, I can get here.

Like, this is as far as I go here. And then I can get right here. And, like, I can't. So, like, from, like, my shoulders. I can do it. I just don't. Like, I mean. Wow, yeah, you're flexible.

Yeah, like I can grab, I can grab my hands. So like how often are you getting your back? Like how often are you, I can't do that. That's crazy. I mean, I'll do the shoulders and let it drip down,

kind of like my legs. I was going to say, I don't even wash my legs. You didn't want to worry about my back? Fuck. Jackie? I do like, like kind of what Kevin was just saying.

Like I do, there's no fucking whatever. I do top and then back there. So most of our backs aren't getting washed. Yeah. I mean, if I needed to scrub my back, I could. I just don't. I don't think you physically could.

I think you're like... I can't. I can't get my back. I can get my lower back, and I can get my shoulder up here. But that's not, like, that's a 24-7. That's 365. I'm not doing that. So, like,

I had a feeling everyone was going to be kind of in my boat, but so, like, we're all sitting here all day on our backs, getting the most, I get more sweat on my back than I do on my stomach, on my legs, and then we just... I mean, I... Let some water run down? Yeah, but I but I also think that's why water pressure matters.

But, like, I let water, like, blast my back. I got a fucking rain. That shitty thing. Yeah, yeah. I got, like, a strong one that probably does more – I could probably shower in my shower without soap and get, like, a good – I mean, it's just like I get power wash like a horse. It's a shower head from probably like the 1940s.

And I think it's also broken. And it's just. And it's like. It hits your nipples at the tip of your dick. It's like. So I think I'm literally getting power washed. Like paint chips are flying off of me. So I think I'm good.

But I do think you're right that we're not. But you know. I think I'm going to get a loofah. I think I'm going to do it. It's not even a loofah. They make like a stick. Yeah. It's like a giant toothbrush, imagine, and people just –

I think I'm going to get one of those. I'm going to clean my back for the first time in probably 15, 20 years. We should do like a black light thing on your back before you do it so you're dead skin. It's got to be – like I got to be an animal. Let's Google it real quick though because it might be something like your back skin is different or something like that. You know what I mean? I'm going to guess Google is like you be an animal. Let's Google it real quick, though, because it might be something like your back skin is different or something like that. You know what I mean? I'm going to guess Google is like you're an animal. How do you wash your back?

Go over your back with a natural bristle body brush before you shower. The brush will reach around your back, scrub the brush. Three ways to clean your back. How do I properly wash my back? If you're not flexible, try body oil. That sounds gross. How do you wash your back when you can't reach? Use a back brush.

Yeah, it's not saying don't clean your back. What happens if I never scrub my back? Yeah, that's what we're looking for. An unscrubbed back is not a fatal condition well i didn't say we're gonna die so you don't have to soap it up every time you step in the shower but don't take that as an open invitation never wash it like every other body part your back can benefit from some lather every now and again our skin's outermost layer the epidermis naturally sheds dead cells the simple friction of our clothes rubbing against us also helps shed dead skin however some of it will remain in place if it's not scrubbed off if you're looking for an easy way to scrub off the last few dead cells. The simple friction of our clothes rubbing against us also helps shed dead skin. However, some of it will remain in place if it's not scrubbed off. If you're looking for an easy way to scrub

off the last few dead cells, they recommend the two-in-one feature of an exfoliating bath towel, like the Japanese blah blah blah. That's probably actually the most answer right there. You probably get, your skin gets like soft and shit from the hot water, and then when you dry your back off with your

towel, you probably rub it off there. That's probably really what happens. This shit is like, get a, it's like a chamois for your car. Chamois over here. Go back to that other article. What's the worst that can happen if you leave a few dead skins

laying on your back? Most likely the consequence will be a dull complexion. And again, that won't kill you. It can lead to back acne. You probably got pimples on that back, bro. I got some pimples. Also, my back is like...

It definitely is my worst skin. I see pictures of me from the back in the summer. I'm like, whose back is that? Yeah, it's gross. Backs are gross. Hairy backs. It doesn't jive with the rest of your body. I have a fat back.

My back's really fat. You have a fat back? Yeah. I feel like you would have a muscular back. I work out my back a lot. But when I see a picture, I'm like, that's not what I'm looking for. Do you have rolls, kind of like love handles? No.

Like there? What do you mean fat then? I guess it just doesn't look like what I want to look like i think it's i think it's it's a little i'm pretty sure your back is probably completely fine your body this morning it's a dull complexion i'm like i'm like you just said that because that said that yeah 100 yeah you would never have said that if it wasn't for that yeah no but but when i saw I saw it, I went, that's the issue. There it is. Bang. The dull complexion. My skin on my back is a dull complexion and an inferior complexion. So I'm getting a back scrubber.

Dude, I have a confession to make, and it's funny because I think this will play out at one of our live shows. There's a guy on Instagram that I DM with. I talk to this dude, Zach, more than anybody in my life. You're a psychopath. And all we do is send pimple videos. Oh, God.

You're crazier than I thought. John, like, I'm telling you, this is a random stranger I've never met in my life. Look how long it's still going. This is insane. Bro, day, noon, and night. We send life. Look how long it's still going. This is insane. Bro, day, noon, and night.

We send shit to each other. It's still going. What the fuck? It's insane. It's the craziest thing about me. And I was actually going to wait until the live show because I think he's coming. And we're going to do it now. It's still going, by the way.

I'm watching. I'm telling you, I talk to him more than anybody in my life. He's actually a very funny dude. I think I got a crush on Zach. But like, I think one time I posted the pimple shit, and he was like, oh, like I've got like, you know, it's like, I don't like this. I don't like that I like this about myself. But it's like I watch it at night. It like calms me down.

And then so he will just say, I'll just be like, yo, check this one out. And he's like, check this one out. And I told, I was like, you should start an account, bro. Cause his captions about these fucking disgusting animals is very, very funny. But I'm like, I got to the point the other day where I was like, I talked to this dude, Zach, more than anybody I know. And you want to hear the most embarrassing thing. There was one time another

Zach DM'd me and then this dude changed his profile picture I don't like look at his profile you know what I mean but I sent a slew to the wrong guy and that

weirdo just rolled with it and I said oh my god I meant to send those to someone else And that weirdo just rolled with it. And I said, oh, my God, I meant to send those to someone else. Why didn't you say something? And he was like, yeah, man. So I just, I don't know. I think he sent something that he was into back to me. And I was like, that was weird.

And then I was like, somehow I was like, you're the weirdo. I unknowingly pimple bombed this guy and ended up walking out of the conversation going what a weirdo but i mean that guy zach i talked to more than fucking anybody in the world it's fucking crazy that is that's an issue kevin last night i sent him i said are you on to sheep shearing yet you ever watch a sheep get sheared you ever watch watch this? Look at this. It's amazing. They cut all of the fur off in one big thing. It's amazing.

Yeah, I actually have seen that. That's pretty cool. That's satisfying. Anyway. So I think that guy's going to be on the live show. I might have to like, maybe we'll put up on the big screen how many fucking times we DM. Do you think those gamer buddies meet? Yeah, it's like that it's like that but anyway i don't know why the reason i originally brought this up

is um like the people who who like those videos like we're all sick you know and and he sent me a dm the other day and he's like we're all the same and uh it said on Instagram, liked by, and it was Zach Bryan. And I was like, the thought, it was like, even this fucking monster country superstar is just probably sitting in bed the same way going, come on, get it out, get it out. Oh, God. I mean, we analyze them like they're sports, like a clip where it's like, how did you blow it there?

You had the chance to get it all out in one shot and you fucked it up. I just started also getting into it. And I feel like, Jon, like you and you were watching that movie basically. Like at first I watched it. I was like, oh, fuck. I don't like how much I like that. Yo, Jackie, I will put you on. Listen, if you think you're into any of that,

the first time that you see inside of someone's ear and there's four different holes and you realize it's all one big one underneath and they dig into one hole and they pull it out and it leaves four empty holes, it's sick. It looks like a bruise. And it's like, oh, look, there's four blackheads. And it's like,'s it looks like a bruise and it's like oh look there's four black heads and it's like no that's one black head i think i know four pores yes there's and there's

a couple that that go around like very frequently because all the accounts post them oh my god and and they and the japanese people they're so good at this because they have oily skin they they like they're like they they they they like needle it and then they just go And they pull Bro they pull out like It's like a pore in your ear like this big Like microscopic and they pull out like It's crazy It's so sick Sometimes I'm like I wish I had bad skin

So I could like do it to myself Like I look in the mirror I'm like Do I have any that I could pop I just don't have that kind of skin That was an invention of mine as a kid I wanted to invent an acne popping face that exists yeah no i know i literally it was my idea i yeah i got it it doesn't it doesn't it's like this is not the real thing i wanted because i like popping about myself and i was like i like this but i'd rather take the suicide medication and make it stop and and uh and was like, but I still want to do that.

And I was like, I should invent. I was probably in sophomore high school. I should invent a little mask I can put on and still do it. Yeah, that's a great idea. This one is just a square, and you pop the goo into it. Yeah, I mean, you got it. I got it. Somebody said it.

Yeah, yeah. But the question every time, me and my boy Zach, there will just be old people with like just all over their face, and they just take one of those devices, and they just rub it across, and they all pop at once, and it's like how do you let it get that bad? Like, oh, I have one. Okay, I have two.

And all of a sudden Your skin is black Because it's It's gross Anyway What you guys want to talk about? We talked about 17,000 dead babies And it wasn't the most uncomfortable Party show

One more boys mouth? Or are we done? Yeah one more Clean the palate We did this didn't we? In the town Me and my girlfriend are the dog. Sorry, we'll just end on the other one because I have to pee so bad.

Yeah. Yo, it's been raining for like six straight months. I've been here since Friday. Oh, Friday. Please. It's been raining for literally months on end. I just, I'm so happy I decided to move to LA. Oh, you made the move.

Since I, yeah. Since you blew up? Yeah. You getting rich now? Yeah, since my IG. Since i got 20 000 were you were you you're from kentucky right yeah were you still there no in atlanta that's where i started comedy okay got it yeah we were just talking about atlanta we had country wayne on and i was saying i feel like atlanta is kind of having it's like a little bit of a come up um i think there's always

like rap music and yeah black culture was there but i think there's always like rap music and yeah black culture was there but i think there's more movies and like just in general i feel like atlanta's yeah because all the studios have moved there yeah marvel's there that's the one i'm trying to think of marvel's there marvel is there for some reason that blows my mind that all marvel movies and shit are going yeah they're there it's because of taxes they they have like a tax cut got it so a lot of uh la studios have like a studio outside uh atlanta like spade just did he just filmed a um uh game show in harem georgia like which is right outside and they have a bunch of they have like game show studios out there what noonan what do you get What do you think of Noonan, Atlanta?

Noonan, Georgia, right? What? You don't know Noonan? No. It's a good spot. No, I definitely think I did a bar show there on a Tuesday one night. That checks out. No, I honestly don't even know.

I'm not very good with direction. 45 minutes south of the airport. He'll tell you. He'll tell you. The airport, that'll tell you. Oh, the airport, like, that's not good. Past that is worse. When you get to the airport,

you're like, go back, go back. Look, we all make mistakes with money sometimes. You have a place in New York? I have a place in New York. Well, like an investment spot. Not like he doesn't live there. He just bought a spot and, like, rents it.

To who? To people on the run? Dude. Do you need a flop house? Why? Why? Why Noonan? Dude, I don't know, man.

I'm not good. Who approached you with this? A friend's friend. And I never met him. What? Everything about this. If you have anything that you want to pitch or sell right now, like just start talking to him.

He'll do it. Someone was just like, hey, man, I got this real estate thing going on in Noonan. You want in? He was like, sure. I don't even know if I've told Kevin how the details of it were. It was like a friend of a friend. My friend was like, hey, this friend wants to talk to you about this real estate thing. Which is already so annoying.

And I was like, sure, whatever. And he called me. He's a good friend. No. No. How are you alive? That's my question. annoying and i was like sure whatever and he called me good friend no no what's a girl you have only scratched the surface okay it is an iceberg everything beneath is even crazier and he called me and and i i was pretty drunk and i i was everything gets worse i was at a bar in martha's vineyard in December. And I left to go sit in a car because my friend had driven there. And I went and just sat in the car.

And I was like, yeah, this all sounds good. And he's like, word. Just like, not fend for me, but transfer me this amount of money. It was a lot of money. It was a lot of money. And I was like, word. And I gave it to him. It was mid five figs.

Yeah. For a halfway house in Newnan? Basically. Are you kidding me? And then, like, the next day, there was a hurricane that, like, came pretty damn close to it. Oh, it was like an insurance thing? That's genius. That's really smart.

And one of the worst parts is, like, I called him, like, three months later. He realized he got a hook on me. And he's like, I got a new spot in South Carolina. And I was like, oh, man. He's like, guys, I got a shark. So if you need a spot in Noonan, Georgia or Rock Hill, South Carolina. Oh, did I know about Rock Hill? I know Rock Hill is right outside Columbia.

That's like Charlotte. Charlotte. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For people who don't want to live in North Carolina but be close to it or something. Yeah. Yeah. You love Charlotte but hate North Carolina taxes I got a spot for you If you love Charlotte

But you don't want to be in Charlotte Move to Maine Don't move to Rock Hill Wow this is great Dude you don't have much time left No no no You're going to have like tax fraud. Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. Already have it. Already have it. No shit. Totally. Yeah. Already have a lien on my money. We were talking taxes recently.

And oh yeah, that you really. Yeah. So prior to that, we were talking about taxes and just like some of the ins and outs and stuff. And he was like, so wait, you have to do what with taxes? And then, yeah, he lost literally all of his money this year to taxes. From 2017? It was 2017 that he just

wasn't paying taxes on something, so they took it all and he had negative money in his account. And I haven't fixed that issue. Do you know you have to pay off credit cards? Do you do that? You are on fire, Catherine! Literally like two days ago on our radio show, I was like, we were talking about if

you have debt. And he was like, I don't consider credit card debt debt. And I was like, well, it's not, like, huge debt. But, you know, it's accruing interest and blah, blah, blah. And he was like, say what now? Back it up to that part. What about interest? Bro, I'm actually, I'm literally not going to say how much credit card debt I have.

What do you have? You have, like, 20K? More. 25? More. 30? More. 30? Did you think it was free money? I know somebody who's got-

Well, you lost all your cash, so of course you have to use your credit card now. I don't have any money. It's great. Do you have a family? No. I have a family like my parents. The biggest- Yeah, he's like a single guy, but like-

Oh, thank God. Oh, my God. I help my brothers. Like, no, no, no. You shouldn't. And I'm not- You know how people are like, China shouldn't- I'm above China. I was like, no, no, no. You shouldn't. And I'm not. You know how people are like, China shouldn't.

I'm above China. I'm like, we should control everything. You should have whatever reproductive organs. You should have them removed immediately. The government should come in here. They should be like, we will absolve all your credit card debt if we can snip you up. Honestly, I don't even think we have to worry about it. Yeah. I think we do. Have you heard? A couple times. Honestly, I don't even think we have to worry about it. Yeah.

I think we do. Have you heard? A couple times. Yeah, a couple times. Let's just say they swim. He probably has three Noonan sons running around right now. He has no idea about. Yeah, yeah. You just go, I have nobody.

I have nobody. He just texts you, we got a new Noonan. It's, yeah, I don't know, man. He just kind of lives a... We'll figure it out. He's just living life, you know? This is terrifying. He also has...

Is it though? I thought I was lost, but I feel really good about myself right now. That's why people come on this show. Yeah. You want to feel better about yourself? You come to the right place. What are you...

Do you live here? Yeah, he lives here. He employs um child labor to clean his apartment yeah we just well not intentionally not intentionally they just showed up i've had a cleaning person for a long time they come at night they come that's weird no you ever heard of that like it'll be like nine o'clock at night and he has to leave his apartment because he's uncomfortable that his cleaning family is there and i never knew it was a family i have like a lockbox i don't have a doorm man i have a lockbox and i just leave the key and then one time i came up fairly recently i came back and

uh i like they i could see because i can see into my apartment because he has no blinds i don't know he has no curtains or blinds do you have a bed do you have a bed it's funny you say that like but just recently you got like a full bed right yeah and it's like it's like floating like i don't have like he doesn't have a nightstand like that he didn't have an air conditioner for the first like five years he lived in this apartment he would just lay naked on his bed you know we're all like making fun of him but if there's a zombie apocalypse he's somehow like he's somehow like he is a zombie he no he the zombies start following him he's like i don't even know what i did and they're like our king our leader and he's like i just fucking i just wake up and shit he does he eats out what he calls his slot bucket uh like

he cooks he does cook every day for himself and he does work out a lot those are two things is undeniable about him he's in good shape and he does eat relatively healthy but disgustingly he'll cook a meal on monday two meals for himself and then the leftovers go in the bucket then he cooks something on tuesday and that goes in the bucket and by wednesday and thursday he's just having like pork mixed with uh eggs mixed with pizza just in a bucket literally it's a bucket just like like stew like yeah yeah stew sounds good to me what he does is i don't know it's like a dry stew yeah you just kind of like do you do you just like turn off any like wants or desires in your brain and you're just

like i don't need that's actually a pretty good lines or good food i don't think i turn them off i think it's i just don't have he does not want for much and not meaning he has a lot of means he just does not yeah no just simple life yeah There's a lot of ways I'm actually jealous of him. I know. You would have thrived in the 1800s. Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Definitely. He would have been like king. They would have elected him like king of America. I think a good way

to put like an analogy on it type deal is just like I'm fine with, it's fine. Like I, Kevin always gets mad at me because I don't like changing, like I'll stay in this until I go to bed tonight. And he's like, you don't put on sweatpants until you get home. We have a big jeans versus sweatpants debate. Like, I get home, my pants are off literally as I'm walking through the door, and my sweatpants are on while I hit the couch.

We're going to sanitize. He will stay in, like – and he also dresses pretty fashionably. So he'll stay in, like, plaid fucking, not slacks, but just, like, if you hang out in your jeans, it's one thing. He wears, like, pants to bed. It's crazy. Oh, that's disgusting. Not to bed.

Not to bed. But until he goes to bed. When I get to bed, I drop them on my floor by my bed and I get in bed. It could be midnight. That's crazy. We could get off work at, like, two. He gets home and stays in his clothes for ten more hours. You're, like, you don't have, like, a, like, you you i'm like you are i'm like i i can't wait to be comfortable like i'm like

literally all my desires met the second i have yes if i have an itch figuratively and like mentally i'm like i have to itch it immediately you don't have like that that switch has been turned off in your brain like you don't have itches yeah you're just like i live i wake up i eat i go to bed it's yeah nothing hurts but it's also well yeah it's just like he is the best at at like uh you know there's a lot of internet hate and a lot of criticism and a lot of outrage and a lot of anger and arguing and he he's just like, I don't need any of that. Whereas I'll probably have a heart attack. Like, you know, he's just like, I don't care. I am kind of like you in a little bit.

It's admirable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you asexual? Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. I'm kind of, no. Well, in his later years, he's gotten that way. But like I'm kind of, no. Well,

in his later years, he's gotten that way, but for sure not in the beginning. Come on. Yeah. We've all told stories here. Here's the deal. For sure not. Threesomes in New Orleans as a cock. Can't say you're not sexual.

I don't know it, but I can guarantee you they were just like, do you want to keep doing it and you just kept being like okay and then you just showed up in the room you didn't orchestrate anything and he never will I'm just a downer like sex will fall into his lap

but he'll never be on an app five dates a week trying to fuck these girls I think I've said if you count sex as like you actively pursued it and you wanted to have it and it was like your your you were the the the orchestrator yeah i've had sex like three times he's been raped he's been raped most of his life is what we're saying he's been a sexual assault victim for the last like 20 years like i'm always like whatever you can do whatever you want. Right, right, right. You're the one that they come to, and they're like, we have another witness. We have another victim.

Do you want to testify? And then they hear your story. They're like, he's not getting on the podium. We're not. He gets on the podium. He's like, I mean, it was quite nice. Honestly, I kind of liked it. Strike down for the record.

And they're like, get off. Get off. The defense rests. The defense rests. Fuck. I wasn't like, get off, get off. The defense rest, the defense rest. Fuck. I wasn't really into it. It was fun. Yeah.

I didn't even know that toy existed. There was one story that sums up that side of him very well. He was in bed in the morning, and the new trailer for Fast and the Furious 10 had just dropped. What is this, 2002? Well, this is like the year ago. I don't know what number we're on. Yeah, we just did 10.

Okay, okay. I thought we were on letters now. You would think we're on like 20, but no, it is Fast X. You're right. So Fast and the Furious 10. And he was in bed, and somebody was trying to get frisky in the morning, and he was like, I've got to watch the trailer for Fast and the Furious. You're like perpetually 12.

And it was like a four-minute trailer. So she was like, what is going on? It was like some real, like, well, then can I, like, care myself? You can do whatever the fuck you want. So she just took care of herself while he watched a four-minute trailer for Fast and the Furious 10. She was probably done before it was over. Yeah, definitely. If I had a few at that time.

I'm not your gatekeeper. You can do whatever the fuck you want. You're an adult. I just hate women after you because you don't give a shit. They're just like, I can't crack it. Totally.

Oh, absolutely. God, you're a phenomenal species. You should, you, I feel, I thought I cared about stuff until i did move to la and then like these people are horny and like they're and like they're like i mean they just they're like sex monkeys they're they're just they can't wait to do the most insane like nasty they're like peel

my skin back and fuck my skull is this are you getting proposition or you're saying you hear stories from other people i just hear people talking about it and i'm like does anybody hold hands you know i like turn into a grandpa just a little like d in the v you know yeah i know and i'm like i i thought like i you know i enjoyed it but i'm like i know i feel asexual yeah i'm like i don't care about it most of like my friends or most, but a fair amount of my friends growing up were people who were medically prescribed. They were addicted to vagina. And they'd go out and they'd be like, I'm like, dude, I don't fucking. They're the kind of people who show up to a bar and be like, dude, where are the chicks at?

I don't fucking care. I'm going to get fucked up. Right. And so I would almost rebel against that. Yeah, you really showed them by never fucking anybody. While those guys were just drowning in pussy, you really showed them. Yeah, dude, I'm cooler than you guys, dude. I'm just gonna

jack off into my socks. It's like when you go to a football game and you're like, you see someone in full face paint and you're like, oh, I don't like it like that. I enjoy the game, but I'm not a fucking lunatic about it. Yes, I feel like that, though.

I'm not a fucking lunatic about it. I think it might be a little bit of a sickness, though. I think there's, at some point, you're like, oh, you have a void you're trying to fill. Oh, him? No, not him. Everybody else. Yes, totally, totally. I mean, yeah.

There's no doubt that when you start crossing over into like I would never kink shame but if you're like pursuing it like that often you're trying to scratch an itch that shouldn't be scratched or can't be scratched I remember we used to have Asa Akira who's a famous porn star as a co-host of the show yeah and she would tell stories about like stuff she's

done and I remember vividly the time where I was like okay people like it in different ways and that's weird but she's like she's about like getting walked around on a leash was like okay people like it in different ways and that's weird but she's like she's about like getting walked around on a leash and like having to like piss in the house and stuff yeah but that was usually work yeah but she wasn't desiring it she was like fulfilling

somewhere else she used to say that like when she would have what do you call it like her own personalized sex it was always like quickies it was just like fun, normal. But you're performing for a group of people who like that stuff. But that wasn't like a video.

That was just like someone paid her. Yeah. That's the show I think. It was a corporate gig. The equivalent, the comedy equivalent. Those ones you get the big bucks. They suck and you hate them. It's a private gig.

There's some C-level guys there. They're in suits. It's going to be a quick 20 grand. We'll just do a quick shit and get out of there. We do it on a Tuesday. I saw a video on one of our social accounts the other day. It was one of the man on the street type videos. Yeah.

And it was someone asking a girl like what's the weirdest thing you've ever done or something like that. And she said she met like a sugar daddy on some app, showed up, peed on his face, and then she deleted him. She got like – I forget what number. Maybe it was 10 grand or whatever. Deleted his number, blocked him, never talked to him again. That was in the summer. And then she showed up to class and it was the professor. Yo, that's gangster because you're getting an A

I was about to say I'll see you at the end of the semester sir right you go did I get a P plus yo that's the other the other side of that though I mean I guess I'm sure when you get on

to some of the levels you're signing NDAs and shit but like you get down in some some weird circles and then those worlds start to overlap. And it's like, well, now my professor pees on me or vice versa. Who's vice versa? Yeah. But like –

It could have been you. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it's just like – The only way I think I would do that stuff would be like in a sanctioned club, I think. Because if you run into someone in your regular life, it's like, well, now we can never be friends again. Yeah. Or it's like, I always hear like the organized stuff, like an organized orgy where everybody's down and they vet the people beforehand etc etc right like that shit

makes sense but at that point those people are so used to it you know what i mean that like then they they have like orgies and then they they watch fast and furious afterwards and then like some of those people are just used to that shit yeah well i mean it's like anything else it's like you know when you started having sex like this this this is cool and then you're like i've done that a lot i want to try this and you know by the time you're if like this is cool. And then you're like, I've done that a lot. I want to try this. And by the time you're – if you're in Hollywood or you're famous or you're rich or you're just like fucking a lot of people, you burn through all the things to do. There's only so many holes in so many things. I know.

And then eventually you're doing weird shit. It's like spice. I've always been the person who's like – I don don't i've never in my life have i been like i like hot food like i like being in pain when i'm eating it and sweating and stuff like that you don't like feel anything but like now i according to like people who i eat with who have different palates like i eat crazy spicy food and i'm like that's weird because to me it's not like spicy but you've been i guess i've just been like slowly getting up there and people like everybody's a how are you eating this like i just like to enjoy it like i am enjoying this

isn't that spicy to me that that would be you know someone be like would you do that in bed yeah i don't know i've been doing that for like 10 years i thought that was normal slowly i've been being manipulated by the internet yeah pretty much i guess i don't know maybe i haven't taken the step yet how long you have you been in LA? March, April. Come on, you're fresh. I know. You're fresh meat.

I know. I haven't done like sex cults yet. I think I have to ayahuasca first. That's my next thing. Ayahuasca? Ayahuasca. Are you going to do it? Fuck yeah, dude.

But I don't cry in front of people. They say everybody cries and they puke. It's like a circle of puking and crying. See, that is – they all just kind of yada, yada. They're like – so you kind of like shit yourself and throw up for like five hours and then you get to the good stuff. I'm like I don't want to do that first part. That sounds really, really bad. And you're not even – it's not even private.

You're doing it in front of each other. In front of people, yeah. Yeah. I think – but everyone's like, you don't understand. I know. It's all an experience together. And that to me, I'll be like, dude, I cried in front of people. If I can do that, that's like, that's huge for me.

You're not a crier? No, I can't. No, I won't show any emotion in front of people. So you got a boy too, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up all brothers and a dad and all boy cousins. Oh, okay.

I'm so happy. I'm so upset. Were you like trying, like did it come naturally to you? Or were you like, I hate this. I wish I could cry and like be a girl. Or are you like, I'm like one of the dudes? No, I think I got like embarrassed and sh this. I wish I could cry and be a girl. Or were you like, I'm one of the dudes? No, I think I got embarrassed and shamed

any time I cried growing up. So I think I was just like- Yeah, they taught you well. Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to do that shit again. And you would cry. Do you cry privately? Yeah, I cry in my rental car listening to some Enya driving down Melrose

back and forth at 2am after a set. That's almost like taking a shower. It's part of, you gotta get it out. So like go in the car when you're sad, play some sad music, look at some sad shit when you drive and cry and get that out of your body. Yeah, and then you like walk in the apartment

and you're like, no, it's okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. When you got a good cry going and you get to look in the rear view mirror and see it and you're like no it's fine when you get to when you when you got a good cry going and you get to look in the rearview mirror and see it and you're like oh i am weeping it does feel good like i shouldn't be driving yeah sometimes when you do get a good cry going you do get kind of sad when you can feel it it starts to be over oh no you're like oh for sure good and you're like fuck no they're really i think there's almost something physiological about like getting it out of your system a little bit because i will be like the the rare times i do just well i'm irish i just bottle it down and then probably

used to be like once or twice a year maybe it's like quarterly now i just erupt but then i erupt for like 60 seconds and i'm like i'm good and if i do it in front of someone they're like how can i help and i'm like i'm good i'm done we're good like let's go back to watching tv and they're like what do you mean we got to work through this i'm like no no we'll do this again in march like right you know i got i did i i'm not saying it's the right way but that is just the way yeah i like it though do you cry in front of people like um i i try not to, but I have relatively recently. I mean, I wouldn't cry at work. I wouldn't. It would only be private.

You know what I mean? But I've gone through some things where I just couldn't help it. Yeah. But it takes a lot to get there. If I find somebody in front of somebody, I'm like, I'll never. Never see you again. I'll never talk to you again. Really?

Even if it's like a boyfriend, a family member, like someone – that's even worse. They have power over me. How could I – I'm showing weakness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have me shanked. We're now switching. You're on the couch now.

No, I'm – They have power over me. I can't. I got to move on. I'm the opposite of you guys we're like i i don't cry in front of people regularly but i also don't have like major breakdowns i just have a lot like i'm just always leaking my career oh yeah dude really like all the time and he cried jb buffett died he cried i actually did too for a second but i I was by myself. I was by myself. And then who else?

When Blink put out their new video, I cried. Blink-182 had their new song, I cried. What? It was one of those where it was like, didn't realize I was this invested in this. Okay. Have you heard the song? No.

It's all about getting old and kind of losing friends and like why does it why did it take us getting sick to like get back together and why do we wait so long and all these regrets two times blinks reunited is after charles barker was in the plane crash and he almost died and then now after mark hoppus got uh cancer and it's about like why does it take these big things for us to get back together blah blah and i was just thinking about the homies you know and oh my god we had this debate a lot like like last year on a few years ago one of our shows and was like would you rather go home with like the prettiest girl the hottest girl you know do the craziest shit or would you rather make the homies laugh and all every guy to a man was like we would rather just hang out with the boys and clown around and laugh yeah and is the is that the equivalent for girls though i

feel like it's not i guess it would maybe be a little bit different like you do you want to like gossip with the girls versus like going home with prince charming but i feel like the girls are taking the boy over the girl uh until your 30s and then you switched it back back to girls yeah i think so i think for sure you know what it it's kind of like but i feel like as girls like especially in college and and in my 20s when you had that crazy hookup or or that insane date you were like it was almost like content for your friends you're like i can't yeah yeah and so you like have to uh south carolina gamecock baby uh yeah and and so it was almost like you were doing it for yourself but you're also like duh i'm about to be i'm about to be the star of the living room tomorrow jackie do you agree agree? Yeah. Do you think everyone acts that way

or do you think it's the people in our profession? Because I always, that was my way too. I was like, I don't care what happens tonight. I'm just getting a story to tell the fellas tomorrow. Yeah. And I wonder if that's a regular thing or if that's people who end up in entertainment. No, I mean, do it for the story is definitely a thing.

But I feel like, I mean, when bad shit happens to me in my life, I'm like, ooh, podcast tomorrow, let's go. So I think we're probably a little bit warped in that regard. I think it's a smaller percentage than you think of people who are like, I'm just doing this. Whatever happens, I don't fucking care. I don't care if I get laid.

I don't care if I just want to be able to entertain my friends tomorrow at dinner or tomorrow at lunch. I don't know. I think you'd be surprised. I remember we were in an all-girls dorm in college. And the end of our freshman year, like the bulletin, I remember somebody just listed everyone's names and then listed everybody they'd hooked up with that year. And we would walk up and be pissed and be like, you forgot three under my name. And like we were all in a competition.

And they weren't even like – it wasn't to be like who hooked up with the most it would be like he's nasty he's gross you sick fuck you know and like we would be like yeah i'm disgusting and and that's awesome yeah that's the coolest story i've ever heard a girl tell yeah yeah i don't maybe it's like a southern girl thing i mean we were south carolina's a bunch of like georgia north carolina south carolina girls like no slut shaming going on there no it was like it was like you better you better get in their slut the whole thing you better recall and you better remember everything and like we were like i don't so i don't know we were kind of everybody i mean and these are like these are mothers now you know that is so weird to me like yeah i see you know some some somebody's like this is my new like knitting needlepoint

company that i like you know and it's like oh that girl i went to college with holy shit yeah we called her baseball bat because the first night she you know like like she put a baseball bat in her yeah oh my god i'm just I'm just mixing stories here, but yeah. Yeah. I think, I mean, okay, I think y'all are looking at it as like, oh, the girl wants to go home with the guy for the validation because she wants the guy to like her. I think deep down we're more like guys than we think. I do think there might be a little geographical thing going on here.

You think so? I mean, I'm from New York and, like, been here my whole life, and I don't know many girls who I think are like that. Really? Like, I know girls who, like, gossip and all that shit, but I do also know girls who are just heavy, like, I need to find a boyfriend and not to talk to my girlfriends about it, like, because I need to have a man, and, to talk to my girlfriends about it like yeah because i need to have a man and like i want him to make money and

i want to have a family yeah it wasn't like totally shallow reasons it was like i want to start my life and all this shit yeah but it was like um you know pushing 30 and i don't have my boyfriend yet not like i don't know let's fuck this i'll talk suck this guy's dick and talk to my friends about it in the morning right so that might that maybe that's just me personally maybe that's a city thing uh south and north i don't know but i think it depends on your to like your how close you how many girlfriends you have and how close you are well i again in my experience i know a lot of girls who like always had falling outs and backstabbing and like and then but i also know girls who are like boys like you know stereotypically speaking like boys who are like we're best buddies and we're gross in front of each other.

Yeah. And we would tell deep, dark secrets and all that. So I guess it's probably a case-by-case thing. Yeah. It depends on your tribe. Yeah. Yeah. It really does though, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. I mean maybe – I don't know. I think it is like a southern thing. We definitely had – like some of my friends were – they were in college for their MRS degree. Well, yeah. I was just going to say the ring by spring. I never had that experience at all, but he's told me about that stuff. So like there's definitely southern girls who are for sure that way.

But I could also see southern girls being like, I don't give a fuck if I'm not married by 30. Right. I went to FSU and and that was the stereotype. But everyone would talk about it. But in actually talking to people, I never really met maybe one or two girls who were like, I just want to find a husband. Who were outwardly about it? Yeah. She would be like, this is absolutely what I'm here for. Now, mind you, I wasn't talking to many women.

Yeah. Again, I was with the homies. Hey, we just ended up in the bathroom at the same time i remember i couldn't get a date to the formal we had a formal that's how that new orleans thing happened was that like i went i like i was in a fraternity and like they're like we'll be taking the formal tonight i was in tallahassee at fsu and we were going in new orleans and i was like I haven't even asked anybody. And they were like,

what are you talking about? Like, we've had like 10 pictures about this. And I was like, I don't know, I haven't talked to a girl. What? But girls are like desperate

to go on a formal. Like, you could have found somebody. You had to be the worst frat boy ever. I hated it. Except for drinking. You didn't like it? No, I was not a frat guy. You weren't like brotherhood. No, not at all. Not at all. You weren't? You look bred for it. Except for drinking. You didn't like it? No, I was not a frat guy. You weren't like brotherhood.

No, not at all. Not at all. You weren't? You look bred for it. It looks the part. Yeah. Tallahassee, Florida State for sure looks the part. But I actually think you become a BK.

I did it because everyone does it, but I found it very silly. I always think it's, I always. You were a sorority girl? Yeah, but I was like the same way. I was like, this is silly stuff. But sororities weren't as like sisterhood, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like rules of the chapter.

Right, right. And, you know, get on all fours and, you know, puke until your friend's done with 100 pushups and shit. Like, it wasn't like that but i always the the frat thing is always like if you were outside because i i went south carolina from kentucky so i was a little bit removed from like um the the like eliteness of the south carolina boys and girls you know what i mean I mean? I didn't grow up going from Columbia or Charleston or anything. So I was a little bit removed

and that's when you can kind of see a little bit of the bullshit of it. And it is essentially like it is teenagers bullying other teenagers who got bullied. It is so dumb and then afterwards you get out of it and you're like there's not really any benefit once you get out of it.

Oh, I love when I used to hear that about it. It's going to help you get a job. Right. Shut the fuck up. And you hear about like, oh, this guy's still a chapter mentor. And you're like, he's 53 years old. Move on. Yeah.

That's the last guy I want to be around. Yeah. Why are you still? Hang around the college kids? Yeah. Why are you still. Hang around the college kids. Yeah. It's definitely fun. And like. It's a fun party.

But the whole like. B.S. Around brotherhood. And how. We'll help advance each other in life. It's like. No. You're just spanking each other.

Yeah. And making each other butt. I heard. I heard. One of my friends was like. I. We like. Traveled the country. And like.

Always had a place to stay. And I'd like that. Yeah. That's cool. You could show up and be like, I'm a beta, gamma, whatever, whatever. Right. And just like, here's a bed, brother. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know. I could never do any of that crazy shit like paddling and all that. I couldn't even do like, you just tell me what to do. I'd be like, I'm not doing that. Right. Like, give me a beer pledge or drive me here. I'd just be like, I'm not doing that. And they'd be like, you're out. And I'd be like, I'm not doing that. Like, give me a beer pledge or drive me here. I'd just be like, I'm not doing that.

And they'd be like, you're out. And I'd be like, okay. It's teenagers, too. It's like, you're also a child. Right. Doing that. And they act like, I'm a, you're like, you're 19. Yeah.

It is like, that in particular was, because I'm from Massachusetts. So, like, I didn't grow up with fraternities and stuff like that. And I remember, like, a kid I met on the first day, it was like, we got to pledge Pike. And I was like, I wasn't planning on doing anything, but like,

you seem nice enough. Sure. I'll hang out with you tonight. Yeah. And then I like went to like the pledge party or whatever it is. And then like, I got brought to the back room and it was like, everyone like suits and they were like,

so like, do you want to be a brother here? And I was like, Oh, I don't sure. Like, I would have loved to see this man. And then there was a camera back there of them being like, what is this guy's deal? And they were like, it was like, sure. Like, I would have loved to see this, man. And there was a camera back there

of them being like, what is this guy's deal? And they were like, it was like, they're like, this is like a pretty big, like, it was almost out of a movie

where they were like, you're not handling this with the respect it deserves. And I was like, I don't know what we're doing. Yeah, you go, you shouldn't.

You shouldn't be either. This seems a little silly. Why are there candles in this room? Why are we naked under robes? And why are you spanking us? You know, it was like Sunny when Smitty

remember Jason Zekas guest stars and they're trying to initiate him into the gang. And he's like, I mean, this is crazy, guys. What are we doing here? Hey, this is kind of gash. Which I'm fine with. You guys want to fucking, like, you guys want to, like, wrestle? It's like, cool, I'm in.

But let's not say it's gay. That was the most fun I ever had. You guys, like, know for being, like, the biggest, like, workout meathead? Yeah, big time. And that was, like, the most. Honestly, the only fun time i had was lifting in that frat was no there was one night during hell week as a pledge where like we had a candle in the corner of the room and it was like we're in like the chapter and whatever

it's called and it was like it was like if you if if one of the brothers blew it out like you guys like we didn't get to sleep that night or whatever. So like brothers would just come run and then trying to rush it. And we just fucking protected it. Like that was, it was all worth it. Then you're basically playing capture the flag. I could have gone out afterwards and be like, all right,

I think that was fun. And I think probably it's not going to get better from this. So I'm out. And on a high note, the candle, the candle was good. Kyle Long was in it then. That's great.

So we had like Kyle Long. That's fucking hilarious to think about that. Somebody trying to get. Kyle Long was in it then. That's great. So we had Kyle Long. That's fucking hilarious to think about that. Somebody trying to get by Kyle Long. But some people leave that and be like, we really stuck together. We did something that night. But those people are stupid. Very much. I'm like, yo, if that really left an impact on you, I don't want to be snobby, but you don't have a brain.

Yes. Come on. But you're coming from up here. There's people down there that really take that seriously. I hate to think that way because I do not think I'm better than anybody. It's okay. And I don't – You should.

Some people you should. I don't think that way, but there definitely are some stereotypes. I'm just like, oh. I'm like those guys could beat the shit out of me probably, and I'm like a pussy compared to them, but I'm just like we just don't. No. We're thinking about different things. What? They will pay someone to beat the shit out of me probably and I'm like a pussy compared to them but I'm just like we just don't we're thinking about different things they will pay someone to beat the shit out of you that's what I do I'm just like I'm just gonna try to make

enough money that I can pay people to do anything I need them to do your dirty shit no I mean like my car breaks down I'm not a handy guy I can't build shit I can't fix the carburetor I can't you know do carpentry on the house but I'll pay someone to do it I had a I got a flat I can't build shit. I can't fix the carburetor. I can't, you know, do carpentry on the house. But I'll pay somebody to do it.

I recently – I had a – I got a flat and I was back home in Massachusetts and I had to ask a 16-year-old kid. I don't know his age. He was working, so he's actually of age, but he was very tiny. And I was like, can you help me lift my car? And he was like, what do you mean? And I was like, get it up so I can get the – I was like, I can do the tire part tie apart like i was like well you didn't i didn't know how to do that with the jack with the jack okay you weren't saying let's pick it up okay because then you're and he was like he like rolls eyes like i guess and i was like all right dude like i have other skills just i can do shit

you can't too have you heard me host read an ad well that's seamless our shit's not cool that's the problem like you know there's just certain things like if you can't drive a stick shift it's like i don't give a fuck about that but a lot of people agree that that's just a skill you're supposed to have and i'm like i just do not care it doesn't't matter anymore. It's all about – It's all about podcast ad reads. It's all about personality now. It doesn't matter about like handy skills anymore. I kind of disagree though. Like if I could do those things, even – you know, I have not needed to change a tire.

But like if I knew I could do it quick, if I knew I could change my own oil, fix, like I said, anything going on with the engine. If I could like, oh, something is broken in the house. Let me like get out the saw and do it quick. If I knew I could change my own oil, fix, like I said, the, you know, anything going on with the engine. If I could like, oh, something's broken in the house. Let me like get out the saw and do it all. I would be proud of that. But I'm also just not going to like take the time to learn how to do it. I like we sit here and we laugh about it and it's silly and all that stuff. But like, if I do do something that would be considered traditionally manly. Oh, the whole world.

You're like pumped about it. I am like, oh, I'll make a documentary about it. I'll be like, the day I change the tire. I'll just stare in a mirror for the next hour. I'll be like, you are a marvel, dude. You are a man. You guys trust yourselves more than, like, my boyfriend's, like, he, like, changed my whatever starter in my car and shit.

And he was, like, he did it for my birthday and i kind of wanted to be like i don't trust you i don't yeah i don't think that if you're gonna do that shit you better be like i would never be watching a youtube clip and i'm like oh yeah he was doing he was watching youtube reels about how to change accelerator or whatever a short i like mind, I was talking about, I literally was thinking about and referring to a time I changed my life. My ceilings are really high.

Your cleaning family couldn't, they were on holiday? It really is. I don't know how you did it, because they are like 100 foot ceilings. The ceilings are like higher than this. For like weeks, I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get up there. And I texted my super and he didn't reply because i was like hey some lights are on

my apartment he must have been like what the fuck this is a break like and so i like i like moved a table and it says like i'm not gonna buy a ladder to change one light like that's crazy so i moved the table and i put a chair on top of that and then climbed up and i was like it's pretty good yeah and yeah it it is yeah i built a fucking pillow for it to get i was gonna say if you fell off that thing you're fucking done i know that's how you go out yeah and we're like so what do you yeah and i had a light bulb in your hand you go you guys say he od'd yeah let's go with that I keep all the fennel in my pocket just in case I have to do handiwork wait wait before the corner can you sprinkle some of that everywhere

put some on his nose suicide no it was just like this is probably going to be an accident suicide by chores do you have something like that like you referenced your boyfriend changing do you have something like that like you referenced your boyfriend changing like do you have something where like and you probably don't know because these things like you only know when you see it but like maybe like if a guy can't do something like an ick the ick yeah like we're like

oh you can't even blank um i um dude i'm so independent um not no not really honestly it's um i just can't like this is gonna oh man this is gonna this is gonna set women back let's go i hate this but like i my only ick and my boyfriend doesn't do this but like when when dudes are adamant about splitting bills and being like, no, everything should be 50-50, and we're even and equal now, and I'm like, no, bitch. We have to put makeup on every morning.

So for every hour I spend on makeup and shaving all the hair off my body yeah i want i want to dock on every i i hate guys are like adamant about like financial i'm with you on that i agree with that i have never once thought about that like i a bill or or a girl's salary or their job like I will date a bum-ass bitch if I like her. I do not care if she makes money or is successful. I've also just like

I was just always like you have to make your own money. Oh, for sure. But I never wouldn't put that on a girl either. I'd be like, you don't have to make my own money. I don't know. It's not like it's not like I expect a guy to cover everything, like it's it's not it's not like um it's not like uh i expect a guy to cover everything but it's when guys are like yeah they make a thing about it they make a thing about

it i'm like shut up right then like it's not the actual bill it's that you're like women need to be right and i'm like oh you're like you're you're that i'm like you're that I'm like you're weak if you can't like make enough to that you're asking a woman to like cover you I'm like oh you're you're a bitch I eat up for this one

I do I am not good with finances but like I've never once in my life considered being like, let's split this. Or, or, or been like, you know, like, I'll, I'll wait to see if she reaches for the bill and then I'll pay. And it's just like, here's a card and we're going to continue our date. But I will say there are times where I'm like, not even a fake, huh?

Yeah. And like, that's like, and usually it's with like women who like, you know, we, we hang out all the time and they like, they know I'm going to pay for it. But I'm still kind of like, I didn't even pretend for a second. They don't do this? Oh, okay. You have it? Oh, my purse was so far away.

You don't have to throw it at me. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. Let's not make a thing of it. Don't push it across the table disgustingly. Yeah. I don't get it. But like, let's not make a thing of it. Don't push it across the table. Disgustingly. Yeah. I get,

I don't know. I think it's, maybe that's like a Southern in, in something in me. I don't, I don't like it. I'm not. Yeah.

I mean, so I think there's a lot of things there. There's, there's like the Southern hospitality, Southern charm, Southern rules. And then also you, I mean,

you coming from a house of literally all dudes has got to be an intimidating situation. Absolutely not. No? No. My brothers are the smallest. Oh, really? Smallest men.

Not in like – no, they are actually literally small. But no, they were not – I think that's the reason. Wait, they literally are not really small? They are small. My older brother was shorter than me and was never like an intimidating brother at all. But I think that was it is like I ran with the boys or whatever, right? And then like I worked – I had my own jobs and whatever else shit. So like I supported myself or whatever.

Like I paid myself – like I had jobs all throughout college and whatever else. And so I was like, if I can support myself and pay my own bills, I don't want to be with a guy who's bitching about money. Yeah, that's fair. I'm like, that's weak shit. Yeah. I feel like you're talking

about something very specific. No! No! I feel like some guy's at home watching this crying right now i think i think i go you should appreciate what i am and what i do i'm not a moocher so don't bitch about money that's what i'm saying yeah yeah but you're almost making an assumption about me by right yeah i get that and i'm a look at me i'm a catch look at this look at this jailbait jumpsuit yo i mean it's i've worn've worn a Halloween costume that looks similar to that I know

jumpsuits are kind of your thing though right I feel like I've always seen you in one pieces onesies I don't know what to call them you call them onesies the Facebook comments are like oh my god what is she doing she dressed like a little baby and I'm like

you're a baby but is it like you do that on purpose is it like a look or just like those clothes baby. And I'm like, shut up. You're a baby. Yeah. But it was like, you do that on purpose or is it like a look or you just like those clothes? Because I do feel like a lot of the clips I see you in you're wearing like zip up.

I love zip up. The crotch is roomy. But isn't it paining when you have to go to the bathroom? I don't. You gotta get like naked to pee, don't you? Yeah, it's great.

That's why I do it. You get a little break. You know? I always wonder who utilizes the hangers on the back of stall doors well my I had a guy friend

who was a bigger guy and always like you know he's always farting and shitting with one of those guys and he like

at his corporate job he takes off all his clothes to shit he would take off his jacket take off his shirt and then like

he'd have like a like a like a wife beater on take all that off and hang it on the, that's on the book and shit. And then put all of his clothes. And I was like,

what are you doing when you shit? I think you're shitting wrong. If you need to do that. He was like, I gotta be like, I gotta be free. I'm like, what?

In public, not in his house. Yeah. Yeah. I mean behind the fucking stall door, but yeah. Yeah. Oh,

he just doesn't want to go to work. He was an excuse. No, this is like women's excuse to, like, one, it's easy to pack. You just throw in a one-piece whatever. It's half the clothes. Instead of pants and shirt, it's one thing. And this is a weird thing when you're on stage.

I hate to think about it so much, but you know, you don't want to look too pretty on stage because then people. It's for sure a thing you got to worry about, which is annoying. You feel like, and especially when you first come out on stage, like if I'm opening for somebody, right? It's not my show. People don't know who I am. I already have the assumption you walk out. People are like, who did she sleep with you know like who what is she this isn't this isn't this isn't unfortunately it's probably a

good bar to like yeah and you like have to kind of come out with a lot of confidence and and uh and i like i don't do like dating material or or like dirty stuff right up top because i don't do like dating material or like dirty stuff right up top because I don't – then it's like, oh, here's the girl talking about the girl stuff. And on top of that, you have to think about your clothes. Like you can't like – I don't want to wear shit that's too tight because then people say like somebody's date is pissed off because there's like some attractive woman on stage or whatever. But I agree with all this and it's just very very realistic to worry about it and think about it,

but also fuck all of it too. You think that. It's all so stupid. You think that, but it's weird. But it's also like if you want to make the right steps in your career and all that shit, you've got to play the game. So this is like not too flowy, not too tight jumpsuit. Yeah, that's the vibe.

Do you think guys have similar conversations? About what they're doing? No, not at all. I would... Oh, I disagree with that. I bet guys... I'd be concerned with, like... And we do, like, live shows, not comedy.

But, like, I'm not, like, stressing over it, but I'm like, this is what I want them to think. Like, I don't, like... Sometimes, like Kevin said, I dress up sometimes. I don't do it at live shows. I just dress, like, in a t-shirt. Because you don't want to look like you're trying to. I don't want to, sometimes, like Kevin said, like, I dress up sometimes. I don't do it at live shows. I, like, I just dress, like, in a t-shirt. Yeah. Because you don't want to look like you're trying to.

I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard. I bet comics, especially when they first get money and shit, are like, well, I do have nice clothes now. Right. But I was kind of, like, one of the every man, and now I'm not. And I bet they go through some variation of that. Yeah. I mean, you have had, you know like a uh the last couple years i would say it's been better for you right you're making more money you're i'm not nannying you're

not but like if you were to all of a sudden be like dripping in jewelry and and like nice shit i'm sure it would affect for sure people think or whatever yeah and then like and it also affects uh like you know what kind of comic you are and and your material. I can't be dripping in gold earrings and looking like Joan Rivers and then going and talking about the shit, like my cousin shooting squirrels for dinner and shit. Maybe you could. Maybe that would be cool. Look at this baller-ass bitch with a ton of money

who used to eat squirrels for dinner. I should get one. It is kind of a good... You should do that once you're like really when you really feel like you're done and you made it like specials and money and selling it's like yeah i'm like still that person but i'm richer than you that's kind of a cool dynamic yeah i i never do i never like do too much i mean this is lift makeup i did this on the way. I've never been the... Just a natural beauty. I am.

I really am, and I can't turn it off. It's literally like it's just here. It's just still on all the time. Yeah, I turn it off, and it's still on. But that will be the day I can pay for a cleaner, a driver, somebody to make my food and to dress me. That's the goal. Yeah. It's a pretty high bar. A cleaner, meaning like clean your house? a driver somebody to to make my food and to dress me is my is like that's the goal

yeah a cleaner meaning like clean your house yeah dude yeah you just get the child labor yeah I got some kids those are you don't have to wait

you can afford that shit you can do that right now can you get out at 10pm tonight yeah yeah yeah alright I love it so what are you are you promoting anything specific right now

I'm on tour I don't know what's coming out I have a new york show like probably tomorrow oh okay i have a new york show uh laurie beacham theater november 8th i'm doing it part of the new york comedy festival um i'm recording a special in december at the louisville comedy club and uh i've got a podcast about cheating oh yeah cheaties people call in and tell us their cheating stories. I do it with another comedian, Lace Larrabee. What was your basis for starting that?

Do you have a good one where you were the... Yeah, I do. So, who were you cheating on? I... I won. Were you? Yeah.

That was the... That was the original, original story. I... It all... The catalyst was I was dating a comic and he cheated on me.

And I called this other comic in the Atlanta comedy scene who dating a comic and he cheated on me and um i called this other comic in the atlanta comedy scene who had a bit about cheating on and uh we started this podcast but my original one i've talked about this online before but um i was dating a guy in high school and i cheated on him and we like i think maybe we were on a break. I went out of town for a Christmas vacation. And he ended up hooking up with this girl who would come back. She moved out of town from Louisville, right? She went to New York to become a model. And she would come back in the holidays to hang out with her cousin, who was our friend. So he hooked up with Carrie's cousin that night, right?

And then we got back together because I was like, oh, we're even now. You hooked up with Carrie's cousin. I cheated on you. We both kissy-kissied. It's all good. And then Carrie's cousin ended up becoming Jennifer Lawrence. No! No!

I'm like working on a bit on stage about it because she like the day after he admitted that he hooked up with her the next day because she used to be just a girl that was like it would come to parties and with carrie over the summer or on christmas break or whatever and she was i i think i probably interacted with her one time which i just just remember her being like, oh, that's a girl amongst the high school parties, right? But the next day after he admitted that he had hooked up with her, there was a write-up in the newspaper

about how she was in a TV show. And I was like, I was weirdly like that kid that I always wanted to be in theater, but I didn't want to admit it. You know, I was like, no, I'm cool. I don't want to be like one of those nerds. and i was like fuck she's like doing everything i wanted to and she's like you know wait but she didn't like blow up until like that was high school a long time yes i remember blow up till like later 20s or no she like a child star no she

wasn't a child star she um for a little while? So she was in a TV show, right? And then she was... I really was kind of obsessed. I'm not... It was weird of me. I know. You're a girl. You're still a girl.

I know. I was like... No, I don't care. I would do this because I would go to my other friends in high school and I'd be like, do you recognize this girl? Because I would be like, if my friends start are recognizing your name that means she's becoming famous yeah and i remember she played bill ingvall's daughter and bill ingvall's uh sitcom he had for a minute and i was you know every time it was like oh that's like hitting close to home too right right that's my

territory and i was just still like on jv cross country that was my my greatest accomplishment i was like so then we so i went to college and i went south carolina and asked my friends like do you like i would be like do you know who this girl do you know jennifer lawrence is and they'd be like no and uh and then and then she was an x-man right and then no they still nobody knew because the winner's bow came out i am so stopped up um winner's bone came out and they still nobody really recognized her right and then hunger games came out and i didn't know what hunger games was but my friends in college came up to me and they're like do you know that girl you're obsessed with i was like no no when they come back to you you know it's an obsession and i was like, I'm not going to do comedy.

And then I remember when she, you remember when she fell up the Oscar steps? Do you remember that? To accept her speech? I remember, I'm in college and we're all sitting on the couches, right?

And they announced, Jennifer Lawrence wins. And I remember all my friends go, and they're all staring at me. And then she walks up and trips on the steps. And they're like, didn't you love that? And I was like,

no, now she's America's sweetheart. Now she's relatable. She trips too. So it's been good. And I don't, I don't hang on to anything. I feel like this is something that she would reply to on social media or something.

I could see, because she's America's Sweetheart. I know, I know. I could see her being like, isn't that so funny how she talked to the girl? You guys could be like Taylor and Sophie Turner. Yeah, exactly. Like she would take you to dinner and it would be a thing. Yeah, I think genuinely, this is my plan. She also might be terrified of you.

No, why? That might be the only thing horrible about you. I'm in my jumpsuit, my jail jumpsuit. I'm like, what's the issue? Here's my shiv. It splits out. I will talk about it on a talk show one day. And they'll be like, well, let's hear Jennifer's side of the story.

And then I imagine her coming out and being like... But what really happens... Everyone's dancing with Ellen. All American hustle. What really is going to happen is she's going to be like, yeah, I don't remember that. Yeah, that dude I kissed in high school, you loser. That literally drove my entire career.

And it was a Wednesday for me right exactly it's all it's my launching point it's like I've only became a comedian so I could get on

a talk show to be surprised by Jennifer Lawrence one day and she's like I dated this lead singer of Coldplay I don't give a shit

so I thought about this a little bit that is that's the plot of a goddamn movie, girl. Yeah. Very, very funny. That is true. Very funny. All right.

Well, go see the shows. Check out the podcast. And don't watch Jennifer Lawrence's movies. Yeah. No X Games. No – when she came out in that sexy little blue suit, I was like, God, it's over. I'm done. It is so funny that like when – i thought about that where like i was

watching a movie or something like that and someone was talking about like they're like they were gonna fight with their boyfriend like you understand i have trauma from that like my boyfriend in high school cheated on me and i was like that doesn't count high school does not no that's how those relationships end you don't get well you're not allowed to carry that trauma like those really. Trauma. I feel like any relationship before 30, where you're like, I was cheated on.

Like fucking everyone was. I like that. 20s doesn't count. Yeah. I got cheated on in my fucking 20s. No shit. Every year before that is like a huge year. It's like,

it's like puppy years. You know, every year it's like, everything is different and new. And then 30 hits and you're like, everything's done now. And now it's like it's like puppy years you know every year it's like everything is different and new and then 30 hits and you're like everything's done now and now it's slow and now we have to be in serious relationships yeah all right great stuff thank you so much guys dude i gotta go blow my nose now សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.