KFC Radio - Feits Got His Fleshlight Pregnant Ft. Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO Boston Live Show Tickets: https://www.ticketmaster.com/kfc-radio-boston-massachusetts-03-18-2022/event/01005B774D9C7821 Arizona Bowl Live Show Tickets: https://www.barstoolsports.com/arizonabowl Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! - KFC's optimistic take on why we should be proud to be here - Robots are reproducing and Feits' fleshlight is to blame for the robot-takeover - We see the beginnings of KFC's yearly mental breakdown - Feits thinks he's a Gen-Zer and now identifies as a "zihilist" - Jacqued Up - Week 13 NFL Recap - The JFK Assassination - Tate Myre - Nick gives a rundown of his big Pup Punk debut -Top 5 Concerts - Voicemails - Choose an age to go through puberty - Could porn get us out of the national debt? - Leaving mayo on the sandwich 02:21:29 - Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope on being roommates with each other and Shane Gillis, sucking a d*** at five years old, nipples, and much much more (This is a hilarious interview - highly suggest you listen/watch) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Bearbottom Clothing: Head to https://barstool.link/Bearbottomkfc to get 10% off your first order with code KFC. Spend $150+ and get a free Tee! BetterHelp: Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month. HelloFresh: Go to https://barstool.link/kfc14 and use code kfc14 for up to 14 free meals AND 3 free gifts! Napjitsu: Go to https://barstool.link/napjitsuKFC for 30% off of your first purchase TODAY. MVMT: Go to https://barstool.link/MvmtKFC Whistlepig: Visit https://barstool.link/piggybackryesmash for more info and make sure you grab a box in select stores! Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I didn't realize you'd be a problem. I thought he had a good idea. A good idea is to close the door and feed off the room. I didn't think about sucking a dick. I didn't have that. All this makes sense. You don't cum when you're five, right? Five, I couldn't cum. Yeah, yeah.

You're just sucking each other off for 45 minutes. Until a gummy bear falls down. I got some inspiration for you, John. Yeah? We're rolling. I watched a video on how an egg gets pregnant. Oh, you watched that too? Yeah, I saw that. Bro, we came out of the womb Some special motherfuckers

Like our sperm We were fucking We were We were like the number one overall pick dude I mean this has no inspiration We were Like natural selection Chose us

Out of hundreds of billions Of trillions of sperm That have ever been out there We are in the the top 0, 0, 0, 0, 1% of any sperm to ever get to live. Like we were the fastest, the strongest, the best. And then we had the – The reward was this fucking shit. We were great college athletes. Yeah.

We peaked early. And then we came into the pros. We peaked early. And it turns out we didn't have. We peaked early. And then we came into the pros. We peaked early. And it turns out we didn't have. I peaked in the fallopian tube. How about this for bullshit? When you first blow a load, one fallopian tube has an egg, the other doesn't. So half the sperm just took a wrong turn.

You're just like, whoops, never mind, there's no egg here i'm just gonna die in this pussy and then then when you get to that when when you get past that um the you're swimming upstream like the fallopian tube like pushes you back so like the strongest one gets there and then on top of the egg is some sort of like i don't know fucking defense system simply safe out here and it just like latches onto some sperm and just like holds onto it and kills it. And then we made it through, dude. Why do they really want us not to get pregnant so bad? I think it's so that you...

In theory, having explained all this, if this was what it took to get to, I don't know, a store, they don't want us in that store. I'm not going to go to that store. Thank God sperm's dumb. Because I would just chill at the entrance. I'm not doing any of this. I'll be like, they don't want us in that store. I'm not going to go to that store. Thank God sperm's dumb. Because I would just like chill at the entrance. I'm like, I'm not doing any of this. I'll wait for the next bus.

You have to have a, it's like everything starts off like the running of the brides. And then also there's a man with a taser waiting for you. Yeah. It's Indiana Jones. And you're like,

all right, I don't really care that much about the. There's a fucking swinging sword coming by and a ball rolling after me. It's like, I don't really want to reach the egg that bad. But this inspiration you have or you think you possess, everyone else on Earth had to do this. Right, but that –

And most of them are not very inspirational. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. Even the worst piece of shit on the fucking planet was way better than hundreds of millions of sperm. Just faster. Stronger. Stronger. More American. Faster and stronger. Those aren't things that... Probably smarter.

He probably was like, what do they call that? Drafting? In NASCAR? He was probably swimming behind some sperm. And then that sperm gets eaten and he just fucking takes the lead. It would be pretty cool to watch. It is. It was a fucking awesome video.

How long was it? Two minutes. Too long. Yeah. I mean, I was like, we're only at the fall. Jesus Christ. Yeah, there was a part two. I didn't even click on that one.

Yeah. Is this on TikTok? I saw it on Instagram, but yeah, I'm sure it's making the rounds. But yeah, man, just know that there's some dead sperm in some chick's pussy, your mom's pussy, that was fucking way stupider, slower, fatter, worse than you. All right, so that's not inspiration, but it's like it could be worse. Yeah, well, that's what inspiration is. In my world, inspiration is like, well, it's not that bad.

Yeah, it could be. Inspiration for me is just like, well, it's not that bad. Yeah, it could be. Inspiration for me is just like, you're not dead. And it's getting to the point where it's like, but is that really a positive? Is that really a bonus? I mean, we could get the – so are – do you know about the alien, the AI sex? Is that similar? Is that why we brought this up? No, wait, what?

About the robots. Oh, how babies are how robots are having babies. Yeah. Yeah, robots are fucking. Robots are leaving it in. I did it. I think there's a chance this is all my fault. You started, like, the revolution? Yeah. Because I

threw away a used a fleshlight full of my cum. Right. Full of it, Kevin. Kevin, full of it. Just fucking, just fucking, hey, hey, look at me. Just fucking full of it. Kevin, it was just full of it.

It was full of it. It was so full of it. It was full of my cum. You just left it it was full of my car you just left it in there you just let it soak for a while didn't you let it fuck you man you squeezed out every I didn't even let I didn't let it dribble out I'm like teagle keagle keagle tighten it up and then and then I threw it away and I threw it away and they were batteries with it ah so you think almost like a ninja turtle thing I and I threw it into a trash compactor. And I think all of that came together.

For a baby robot. I probably started robots. When they send someone back in time, Terminator style, when they send Sarah Connor back in time to stop the revolution, they'll have to stop you from coming back. Yeah.

Terminator was all about John Connor and him being born and all that shit. We need to stop you from fucking a flashlight. It won't be hard either. It won't be hard. It's pretty easy to get them to stop fucking a flashlight. What would you do? If you got a knock at the door, you open it up

and someone just said, I'm here from the future. You were about to fuck your flashlight. Don't. And you knew you were about to fuck your flashlight. You were like, holy shit, I was. I was about to go in there and do it. And then they told you, like, don't do it.

It's about to stop. It's about to start the robotic revolution. They're about to become sentient beings, and it's going to be the downfall of humanity. You just keep your dick away that day. Oh, God, I'd bust such a big load in that thing. I'd fuck it twice. Honestly, I would. I'd be like, no way.

That's crazy. No way do I possess that power. I would... It'd be the most important thing you've ever done. If I had been walking by the television before fucking that flashlight and there was a cool commercial on, that would have stopped me.

Because I would have just stopped and stared at that for a while. But if someone tells me explicitly don't do it. Oh, that's. Well, that's. So that's what they would do. Okay. So the first time they send somebody back, they'd be like, problem solved. I told them not to do it.

We're all good. They go back to the future. Things are twice as worse because you fucked him twice. They're like, shit. This little contrarian motherfucker. He did a pig loaf. Everything you tell him not. This little contrarian motherfucker. He did a big load. Everything you tell him not to do, he has to do. So they go back in time

again, and this time they tell you, yo man, you know what the cool kids do? They fuck flesh. John was like, throw this thing in the garbage. I'm not going to do it. They're going to go through the entire plot of Inception just to get you not to fuck your flesh. We just need this guy to come in his hand on September 14th, 2019.

Would have been easy. Yeah, I mean, that was the one time you decided to fuck a fleshlight. It led to the artificial intelligence revolution. Batteries come, trash compactor, and a warm hold. It wasn't even warm. Well, warm enough.

Actually, I keep it in the freezer. Oh, my God. That would be sick. Like good? No. Like bad? Yes. It's like...

If it's not good, it's bad. Fuck. Like bad. Is. Like, bad. Is this it? Is this the thing coming? Is this the thing reproducing in the sawdust? What am I looking at here? Yeah, that's what it is.

That's what now? So, like, those two things linking up, three things, four things, five things linking up, is them reproducing or some shit? Yeah, that's what it is. Oh, I'm calling bullshit on this then. Dude, this is a problem with the internet. This is a reproduction. This is magnets.

This is, you know what the problem is? This, the new, robots are the new meteors. There's a new headline about AI every day. It's like, this is not a real thing. And every time it's like, humanity is over and you read it. It's like, oh, the robots, like, they kind of learned how to do something, but we totally are in control of it. It's not a big deal. And everyone quote tweets it.

Hasn't anyone watched a movie? Yeah. Yes, because movies predict the future. Movies are real. Yeah. It's such a weird thing that we all fall back on that. Haven't you seen movies? Yeah.

I've seen movies. They're not real. They're fake. What does that have to do with anything? We have iguanas now Haven't you seen Jurassic Park? Yeah Where is the correlation?

What's the connection between these two things right now? What are you trying to say? Everyone just quotes tweets that Capcom How do you watch the movie? They gave me a sub back to the future too These robots are I mean, a robot reproducing How do you watch the movie? The Gabby and I's love Back to the Future too. These robots are... I mean, a robot reproducing just means you made another robot.

So I'm not too surprised that robots can build robots. That's what robots are going to do. Robots are going to build other machines. You could make the argument that the robots building cars are robots. That's what I'm saying. That's what I mean. They've been reproducing for quite some time. Since Henry Ford. Robots have been cars are robots. That's what I'm saying. That's what I mean. They've been reproducing for quite some time. Since fucking, since Henry Ford.

When they say reproducing, are they fucking? Robots have been making other robots. Yeah, like, is, yeah, no. They're fucking machines, dude. They can't come. So, but then what is, what's happening? I, they're just robots building robots. A lot of big words here.

Don't understand any of it. But from what I'm getting. Well, you big words here. Don't understand any of it. Well, you're an idiot. Read out loud. From what I'm getting, they usually think about writing code, but instead they came up with these Pac-Man shaped cells called Xenobots. And that's what's coming together with stem cells.

No, no, no. They're not called. We call them Xenobots. They're not. These are robots just doing things and we're giving it names and watching it. Like the robots like, hello, good morning. I'm a Xenobots. They're not – these are robots just doing things, and we're giving it names and watching it. Like the robot's like, hello, good morning. I'm a Xenobot.

Like, no! This is just a robot doing robot things with a scientist watching it. Yeah. Yeah, this is – I am shockingly underwhelmed by this. I need like a – I need a robot to replicate. I need there to be a robot in a room and I come back in the morning and there's a second robot. Cause it like

like just popped out of it like T-1000. Oh, I want to watch it. Then I'm like, okay. I would love to watch it. Yeah, someone wants to fuck someone first. Fuck something, not someone. Listen, if you think that robots are just gonna. Maybe someone. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good either way.

I don't know. I feel like that could get dark pretty quick. A robot fucking a human? Yeah. It's like Westworld. People pay for that kind of shit in the movies. People pay to watch that action. Haven't you seen a movie?

They start raping everyone. It would be insane if robots had reproduced the same way humans do. Humans reproducing is the dumbest fucking shit in the world. Everything I just described to you, idiotic.

The whole process, how have we not gotten any better? You fucking have a thing grow inside you for like a year and you got to shit it out and then you got to raise it for years and years and years or it just fucking dies that's the best we can do every other animal just pops it out and tomorrow you're hunting humans if i don't if i don't give you a bottle of milk every 45 seconds for the first five years you're fucking dead it's ridiculous

and we've been doing this for like a trillion years. How about we figure it out, humans? Dude, animals don't even care to sit down when they give birth. Giraffes just shit out another giraffe from like 30 feet in the air. It just plops on the ground and you go about your business. They give birth while walking. It's crazy. It is nuts.

Up until like 45 minutes ago, humans were dying giving birth. It was a good chance you would die and reproduce. Who would do that? Who would do that back in the day? It's like, yeah, let's have a baby. Well, I might die doing it, but I don't know. Let's fucking roll the dice. What? We'll get the guy

who... Someone's got to farm the fucking land? Yeah, I'm tired of waking up in the morning. That's really what happens. Either I die or someone else waking up in the morning. That's really what happens. Look, either I die or someone else wakes up in the mornings for me. I'm good either way. And I do understand that. At some point, it's like, well, I'm going to have 11 of these motherfuckers because one's got to milk the cows and one's got to fucking get the eggs

and one's got to farm the land. Honey, you're popping out another one because I want to sleep in in the morning. You might die, but hey, then you're the lucky winner. Then you've hit the lottery. Because guess what? We live here in like the 1700s where it sucks. Who would have kids in their right mind today? Say, hey, you want to sit around, be totally free to do whatever you want

and like achieve your wildest dreams through technology and money and advancements and all that? Or do you want to be tied downest dreams through technology and money and advancements and all that? Or do you want to be tied down by this little living thing that is a money suck, it's a big money pit and it's really no fun for several years and it's just going to cause you nothing but a headache?

You want to do that or you want to just swipe around on your apps and fucking travel around the world? Crazy. Reproduction is fucking crazy. Everybody should be on the pill. Everybody should be sterilized. We should just fucking party until the whole human race just fucking fades out.

Or be gay. I'm telling you, man. The goon pit is sounding more and more appealing as we go. I'll jerk off with Joey and Pat and have total freedom for the rest of my life. Anybody going to stop me? Nope. I like when we do these episodes where it's like, Kevin comes in and doesn't say anything, but it's like halfway through, like,

Kevin has some stuff to get off his chest today. There is no prep. There's no nothing. He's just like, all right, Kevin's. Oh, boy. Kevin had a tough weekend. Oh, do I? I didn't even realize it until right now.

Absolutely. I can't, but I do. And that's the thing. When you have things to get off your chest that you can't, you just push it deeper into your chest, and then it just becomes a part of you. It just latches onto your ribs and your lungs, and it just fuses to who you are, and then eventually you're that much closer to death. But again, is that really the worst thing?

If I could get something off my chest, I went to the Comedy Cellar Saturday night. My mom laughed at dick jokes too much. That's about all I got. Mom likes those dick jokes. I was sitting across. I was like, all right, lady, relax. Give me an example. Do you remember him?

No, it was an older guy, though. He was just talking about like, oh, no, no, no. I forget her name. It was, shit, I forget her name, but she was talking about getting good dick. And your mom's laughing? Yeah. Oh, no's laughing? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no.

It's like, all right, this isn't fun anymore. It's so weird. Bring back on the kind of young guy who talks about doing too many drugs. I'll laugh my ass off. It's weird when you think about, I mean, everybody who has ever had sex has had a night where they've been like, damn. You know? Even if it wasn't actually good sex, wherever your bar is, you've had good sex. Uh-huh.

You know? Yeah, I regret bringing this up. So there was, like, definitely some night where John and Polly rolled over like, whoo! Man, you put a hurting on me, man. She's probably like, man, I got pregnant. I think I got pregnant tonight. I think you left one in me, dog. And he's like, man, that one felt good.

When you would bend over like that, you had this up there. This is enough. None of this goes in the promo. Keep this off the internet. Today's show is brought to you by Bare Bottom Clothing. Bare Bottom at this point, all I wear at this point is either clothes that I've made or Bare Bottom clothing. That's it. It's either my brand or Bare Bottom.

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So $150, you get a free t-shirt and 10% off that first order when you go to barebottomclothing.com slash KFC. Something I learned this weekend about Gen Zers, which is Gen Z's younger than us. 96 and up. 96 and up. 96 and after. I think I'm a Gen Zer. No, I assure you you're not. I think I'm a Gen Zers, which is Gen Zs younger than us. 96 and up. 96 and up. 96 and after. I think I'm a Gen Zer. No, I assure you you're not.

I think I'm a Gen Zer. I can't even begin to describe to you how much you're not. What do you mean? Well, actually, yes, begin to describe it. Because you're just like a fat old slob. Well, that's mentally. Mentally, I am a Gen Zer. Why?

Because, okay, tell me what you read. Because it's almost like a new, I guess, fucking what's the word I'm looking for here, like belief system that Gen Z-ers have. Oh, God. And it is, it's nihilism. I was going to say, there's going to be some nihilistic bullshit, isn't it? Yeah. Here it is. But they call it.

Nothing matters. I just want to die. But they call it zialism because nihilism has obviously roots in Russia, I think, right? And it's just like, oh, life is shit. Who cares? But Zionism is like, life is shit. Who cares? Yeah.

Let's just change to a Z, dog. I think it's like, yeah, who gives a fuck? Whatever. Yeah. We're all going to die. These kids are such assholes, man. I don't think they invented it. I don't get why they're so like, who cares about anything at all?

It is. So it's okay. So first one is op-ed. Nihilism won't save Gen Z. Fuck off. Opinion. What's cool about being nihilistic. Gen Z is Fuck off! Opinion. What's cool about being nihilistic is the generation of nihilism.

When people talk shit about you or say something wrong about your generation or whatever, you just go, I don't care, man. Oh, I like this. Does Gen Z care so little because millennials cared too much?

You see how fucking losers care? That's exactly what it is. The pendulum just swings back and forth. And then the generation after that will be like, well, we gotta start caring about something. We gotta give a little bit of a shot. We're dying in piles of our own film. We gotta care a little bit. But millennials care.

If I hear one more millennial being like, I can't afford a house. Shut the fuck up! I don't know, man. poor in a house. I'm like, shut the fuck up. I don't know, man. Shit's expensive now. Fucking deal with it, dude. I don't know. Do you know what happened in 1971?

All of the, what is it? The wages have stayed flat since 1971 while production has gone up. The world class is getting decimated. Suck my ass. Yeah. We went off the gold standard and inflation and you went to college make less money than our parents like whatever yeah no fucking kidding your parents worked so much harder than you fuck you you went to college for like fifty dollars and you bought a house for like thirty000. No wonder you owe all the wealth.

I don't fucking care, man. I don't fucking care because I'm a Zionist, okay? I don't fucking care about what you did, how much money cost back then. We need you to do some Steve Yosemite shit. I need you to show up at some like Zionist rally. What's up, kids? I'm with

you, bro. I'm with you, man. I mean, like these guys invented. These guys run around acting like they invented not giving a shit. As if there haven't been pieces of shit in every fucking generation since the beginning of time who just, like, smoked drugs and didn't fucking care about anything. Yeah, man. No, no, no. You don't get it.

We just, like, don't care. No, I fucking get it, dude. I fucking understand not caring. I'm going to speak for the Gen Zers here. You don't get no i fucking get it dude i fucking understand not caring i'm gonna speak for the gen zeros here uh you don't get it okay and guess what we don't care that you don't get it it's so annoying it's the jordan crying meme of of fucking generation characteristics why don't you i don't care I don't care I don't care There's nothing you can do

To get me to give a shit About this But what do they I'd actually I'd like to There's like How's a game show I'd love to participate

In a game show Where you Or other people Just do things And just try And get me to care Like Like

Like You don't understand How I talk care. Like when Ben signs monies like that. You don't understand how I talk about you. Like when I describe you to people, it's like I'm describing like a movie character or something. It's just like, no, no, no, you don't get it. He doesn't fucking care. And they're kind of like, yeah, but you know. It's like, no, no, no. You've never met anyone like this guy. you don't get it he doesn't fucking care and they're kind of like yeah but you know it's like no no no no you've never met anyone like this guy you've never you don't

understand and i'm like but like no he's like he works up you know he's working with you so he's got no no no no yeah i get he does the podcast with me yes he does have a job if that's where the bar is okay but like he has completely stumbled into this didn't it wouldn't matter if it disappeared it wouldn't matter if it goes up it goes down it doesn't matter he doesn't like no because everybody like cares about I'm like how many times about the same man telling you he doesn't what like I've got how would I game show work which is like well you can only show me news stories. It's like, what do you think about this?

No, you know what it is? Have you seen? Probably not. Have you seen? Actually, maybe because you love fucking face filters because you're a Gen Z-er. It is by far the worst of all these things that I've seen on Reels and TikTok. The thing where it's like, don't smile, and they just play, like, noises. Have you seen that?

No. All right, maybe. Maybe they just play like noises. Have you seen that? No. All right. Maybe this is for Gen Z. It's literally, it's like some facial recognition shit. And if you smile, there's a score that goes up to like 100, right? Okay. And they play, and it plays like a sound, like a TikTok sound. And it's just like noises.

It's like zoink, bang, and something. Maybe it would work. It's like zoink, bang, and something. Baby-owned one. I had, like, no problem just staring straight ahead without making a single face. My point is that your game show, we need to have some sort of facial recognition software on you, and we just show you headlines that get increasingly more, like, preposterous and terrible, and just see if we can get you to react. And just see if your face even reacts. Just like, you know, like, school of children, like,

eradicated in, like, the Sudan. Oh, I mean. That was on purpose. That was on purpose. It's a fictional school, man. They're fine. Everyone chill purpose. It's a fictional school, man. They're fine. Everyone chill out. It's probably not.

I could probably find it right now. I could probably Google fucking Sudan massacre. Nothing happens. Like, whoa, John, that was a bridge too far. You didn't care about fake kids dying. Yo, what happened? We have ATI out today with Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor and something happened in there

where the whole room went like, oh. And you were like, that's where we're drawing the line. That's really, that's it? And it was like the most harmless thing. I forgot. The whole room was like, yo. I don't know why we got so uptight about it. It was the most harmless shit. Yeah, it was. Really? That's where we're drawing the line? You fucking ass.

ATI today, or yes, ATI now with tommy pope and chris o'connor tommy pope has a performance for the fucking ages that i i did confirm afterwards the ex-brother and uh the brother i guess ex-brother and ex-girlfriend story is real and yeah you can tell yeah you can tell it's real it was some fucking christmas like just break up with him i i felt bad afterwards i was like i was texting him because i was like i gotta find out if this is real or not but if it is real then i'm the asshole who's just like yo man you know that story you told that's so far-fetched i need to confirm it's reality and he needs to be like yep that's my life and it was i was like wow that was more

far-fetched than chris sucking a dick at five yeah oh my god that's on this episode yeah all right so today's episode we got uh we got the two guys from stuff island tommy and chris and uh first of all it's one of the best podcast performances i've seen in a long time i really i i now treat this shit like sports where it's like i can best podcast performances i've seen in a long time i really i i now treat this shit like sports where it's like i can i i can be like man remember like jordan at the garden when he dropped 55 you know i could be like remember chris stefano in the old office like i have moments in my head and i gotta give tommy and chris it was like a script like it's almost like they came in here with a fucking routine to run on us. It was unbelievable.

They're on today's show. Tommy looks like De Niro. De Niro. Tommy and Chris on the show. Also on Answer the Internet. One of the all-time duo performances. By now we probably have enough to do a top 5 or top 10 of duos. We should do that because

there's something extra to it when there's two guys riffing off each other. So one of the best duo ATIs out there. A good interview today. Great interview. Great interview today. We have tickets on sale for the Wilbur. Our first show sold out. Second show on sale now.

Probably like three-quarters of the way sold through that as well. So these shows are until March, and we're ripping through tickets, which is awesome. Very, very, very happy with Boston. Boston did the damn thing. It's inspiring. It is. That's the exact word.

I was like, let's go. I was kind of like, I don't know about this live show stuff, and now I'm like, let's go all over the world. We're going to Denmark. Let's go. Sold a few tickets in Boston. We can do anything. They're going to Tucson. Let's go. Sold a few tickets in Boston. We can do anything. They're going to Tucson.

I'm almost nervous. I'm nervous for that. For what? St. Patrick's Day weekend in Boston. The 10 o'clock show is going to be out of control. The 10 o'clock show. I'm almost not nervous about that because it's going to be like, first of all, no one's going to remember this. Second of all, anything goes.

We should just pick two guys out of the crowd to fight on stage. We should just turn it into a rough and rowdy. We're going to have people fuck on stage. We're going to have people fight on stage. We're going to have people do whatever. Just like a fully interactive show. Because think about that. Boston, Friday night.

St. Patrick's Day. I liked how the promo said Thursday. We're the worst. We are the absolute worst. Who's that one? Is that you? Was that you? Which one?

It was, like, the one me. I think it's still up. Pabs, what a week. Have a week, Mikey Pabs. Somebody had to have told me that because I wouldn't have just came up with that

we got Thursday night for our show on a Friday we misspelled Colin Tyrell's name and said he was from the United Kingdom do you realize

how offensive it is to tell an Irishman he's from the UK yeah we've been like warring with them for centuries they killed my family

those guys have massacred us my mom was blown up in a bus bomb, but it's okay. You can say that I'm from the UK. No big deal. How about that liver punch for Jackie? Did you see that's what we decided on Twitter? Kali gets to just punch you in the liver one time, which I think would be great theater.

Maybe we'll do that in a live show. Come on up to Boston for St. Patrick's Day, Kali, and we'll bring Jackie up on stage. You just get to pow! One shot for saying I'm from the United Kingdom. I was DMing with him. I was like, ohali, and we'll bring Jackie up on stage and you just get to pow! One shot for saying I'm from the United Kingdom. I was DMing with him. I was like, oh man,

I'm sorry about that. He's like, I don't really care. He's like, whatever. We were talking about his name and he was like, I don't really care.

And then he was like, but I want to throw hands on the person who said it. You know what I mean? It was like, I don't really care about the name.

The other thing, fuck you guys. Banner week for the game. Did you say, fuck you guys. Banner week for the gang. Wait, did you say, did you think that, you knew it was Irish, so did you think Ireland was the Indian? Because we did have a conversation about what's in, oh, this is great, let's go. No, no, no, I mean, I just, I, well, Northern Ireland is part of the UK, so that's confusing because I didn't realize, nobody talks about like Northern and like.

So did you Google this first? Because like, you're not just throwing out like, you're not like actually Northern Islands in the UK. So what's stunning is that you knew. Yeah. You knew that because then you should know that that's why it's like a problem. No, no, no, no. Did you know that before?

Did you find that out? Well, I found out after a bit. Like, I think I've heard like, cause I knew that the UK consists of England and some type of Ireland. So then I was just like, eh, fuck the UK consisted of England and some type of Ireland, so then I was just like, eh, fuck it. Why didn't you just go with Ireland? What? Just go with Ireland.

Because then I was like, maybe he's Scottish, and I could have just looked that up. You know what's crazy? You're an idiot, no doubt. That whole thing is stupid. I think we talked about it a little bit But it's like There's England Britain Great Britain The United Kingdom

The What is it? The British Isles It's all of them It's all Jesus fucking Christ It's a parallelogram And a rectangle

I was just gonna say that It's like God Get over yourselves Also Paddy the Batty Like he I thought for sure He was Irish

Or Scottish or something And then he was He was English And I was like Maybe I just like can't tell the difference between the whatever so i just went with uk just thinking it was like a catch-all yeah and i well it's not and i yeah and then collie collie is two l's and column is one l so that's confusing and that's my defense for that that's actually not their fair defense that that was that's actually not a defense. They're fair defense. That was a compelling argument. And actually, as I texted the group to yellow people, I spelled his name wrong. So I was like, we spelled column wrong, and I spelled it wrong.

So I was like, well, can't really be that mad about it. And Tyrell is two R's, two L's, two I's, two T's. It's all a lot. It's a lot. You know what Fuck you, Kyle What do you say we get right into Jacked Up Because it was an exciting

No, you don't Also, we need to think of Okay, so Jacked Up this week Is brought to you by BetterHelp You know, Jackie was probably in a dark place before this podcast, right? I was fine. Yeah, I was fine.

She was fine. We're probably dragging her down, to be honest. But Jacked Up's great, right? Yeah. Yeah. I like it. So, you know, I don't know where I'm going with this. I use BetterHelp.

Straight up, my therapist is a BetterHelp therapist. There you go. That would have been nice for the first 50,000 times I've done this interview. Jackie personally endorses BetterHelp. How did you find him? Her. I went on BetterHelp. Do you do Face

Video? Yeah. She's great. She says I'm her favorite. Whatever. I'm sure she didn't say that to any other patient. You know what that means when they say that you're favorite. You're crazy. When she means like you're

favorite, she means you are her children's college boss. This one's not going anywhere. Dollar signs. Oh, she works for Crazy Radio. I got my hooks in this one. her children's college books. Yeah. This one's not going anywhere. She sees dollar signs. Yeah. Oh, she works for Crazy Radio. I got my hooks in this one. They make you do what? All right.

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Like, they need to advertise that better. You know, it's like dating almost. It's like, okay, all right, I'm going to start therapy. It's like, you're really going to start therapy in, like, a couple months when you figure it out. But better help because you're just finding and matching them quickly. You don't feel like you have to stick it out. You don't feel like you have to give them a shot.

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Get 10% off your first month of help at BetterHelp.com slash KFC. You get 10% off your first month of help at BetterHelp.com slash KFC. Week 13. Wow. Are we into the teens? God damn, this football season is flying. Week 13. How many weeks are there? 17.

Now 18. 18 now, right. Week 13. Jacked up. Jacked up. Okay. Three minutes on the clock. Jackie. Go. Okay. Three minutes on the clock. Jackie.

Go. Okay. Jets. Eagles. The Jets lost. The Eagles. Garner. Minshaw.

Shue. Minshue. Back. Back. In a major way. What did you think of his outfit pregame? Was it the same as postgame? Yeah.

Like the bombardier outfit? Yeah. What did you think? I don't Yeah. The Bombardier outfit? Yeah. What'd you think? I don't know what the outfit... Why would I watch post... God damn. Dude, that's my grandfather when he thought of a football player's outfit.

He's like, why would I give a shit about that fucking stuff? Let me tell you something right now. Jackie, I'm going to interrupt Jacked Up. I 100% could not handle hugging and dapping it up with Gardner Minshew. Way too hard. Way too hard.

I almost tweeted this out, but I didn't because I'm a pussy and he's probably not. I was like, Gardner Minshew's dad's going to wake up sore this morning from those fucking hugs. He's probably not because he's a real man's man. But the hugs and the fists. I'm not even going to call them fist bumps. They were fist punches. And the hugs were like, whap, whap, across his back. And the pushing, I was like, dude, I swear to God, if that was me, I'd be like, stop.

Stop it. Someone did that to me recently, I feel like, very recently, in the last three or four days, where I gave me a hug and hit me with two like that. And I was like, I was four days where I gave you a hug and, like, hit you with two like that. And I was, like – Like, rib shots. I was, like, furious. Yes. What the fuck was that, man? I hate that shit.

And the knuckle – and the fist bumps that are, like, punches. What are we playing, bloody knuckles here, dude? I am veal, man. I am socked. This is, like, hug and kiss. Relax, man. I'll just snuggle with you a little bit. Fuck.

But I also love it at the same time because, I mean, well, it's the Jets, so whatever, dude. But he balled out. I think he and he had like a perfect passer rating um like how the fuck does this guy not have a job like this yeah so many shitty quarterbacks in the league like this guy should be a franchise quarterback some of these fucking bums out there didn't like everyone like you don't play well in the jacks like he must think maybe the jack maybe it's the jacks how how come yeah like everybody knows like you don't play well for the Jets. It's not your fault. It's their fault. That was a great moment, though.

Gardner Minshew, back. Do you think Gardner Minshew is hot? Yeah, I was just gonna say. I like the mustache. I like the jacket. I like the swagger. He's got a lot of swagger. He's giving me David Arquette vibes right here. Oh, I think he's Rob McElhinney. Yeah, that too. I see that. There's a picture of swagger He's giving me David Arquette vibes right here Oh I think he's Rob McElhenney Yeah that too

I see that There's a picture of him Have you seen I want to show you this picture Jackie He is the definition of like swagger You know what I mean Like Like you'd fuck him

Alright I'm not going to put up a fight Like if you got in a room with him And he was just like running his game on you. I feel like he has, like, cool. Yes. You know what he is? Xylist.

He's a xylist, yes. All right, this picture. It is crazy. Dude, I always think that with professional athletes and college athletes. I'm like, there's just no way you're 10 years younger than me, man. Like, Gardner Mitchell is probably, he's not 10 years younger than me, but I would guess Gardner Mitchell is 28? 25.

25! Fuck me, man younger than me, but I would guess Gardner Mitchell is 28? 25. 25! Fuck me, man. Fuck me, dude. Fuck me. Legitimately, bend me over and fuck me. God damn it. He is close to 10 years younger than me. That is, and like, but like, what I'm saying is like, I'm not like, I'm not like, that's a man.

That's a man. That's like, that dude's old. That's a man. I'm's old. That's a man. I'm a boy. That's a man. I'm so happy you brought this up. Can we just pause Jacked Up for a second? This is part of what I need to get off my chest.

I was watching the Steelers game yesterday, and I'm watching Big Ben, who's obviously a man, right? And he's throwing a fair mouth, fair clout, whatever the fuck his name is, who's just a big corn-fed fucking idiot man. And I'm just sitting there and I'm just like, I'm not a man. I am not a man. And you know what fucks me up? You know what really fucked me up?

Meeting James Harrison. I met James Harrison a couple years ago. And he, like, dapped me up and, like, swallowed me. But at the same time was like, i watch your videos and i like that and i was like that this is crazy that we live in a world where this man who is all that his man is thinking anything about me in a way that's like ah he does something i can't do and that's impressive that's crazy to me and i was thinking like there's a scenario because of where we work and what we do that like somehow some way i could end up like taking a tour of a locker room or something like that and i walk in and i see like big ben and fucking tj wad and all these monsters right and i'm and i'm like we are not the same species no like we're not men

we're not you're men i'm not i don't know what i am i'm not even a boy i'm just a fucking puddle you know and you guys are like like if there's an apocalypse, we're going to you. If there's a problem, we're going to you. If you need to get, even just like getting shit done. It's like, they do it in football, but they're the kind of guys who just like get shit done and make it happen. I'm just like, oh, I'm just the worst. It's not even, and it's not even a fucking like, it's not even a thing that they're capable

of doing. Yes, that all plays a factor, but all, it's just their look about them they just i'm still yet to see a college division one athlete who i thought looked younger than me right i'm like that's a man a man that's a that's a man and it's something about like listen you know there's probably a bunch of them that were smarter than or you know whatever in other things that are not physical. But it always – when shit really goes down, it boils down to who can fucking beat the other guy up. You know what I mean? Oh, I used to.

And they're going to beat me up. They're better than me in every which way. I had a roommate at one point in my life who was a nerd, and he was really smart. And we'd get drunk in arguments and stuff like that, and I'd push him or something, and he we get like drunk in arguments and stuff like that and like I'd like push him or something and he'd be like

oh oh go here he goes fight him or go it's the physical because you're too dumb to fucking yeah I was like yeah

why is that a negative I'll throw you through the fucking window because like you will never beat me in this fucking thing I know how to use my advantage

yeah you're doing math I'm gonna fucking put your head through a door right because you can always, if you want to, you can flip that switch. So I can sit there and argue logic with James Harrison

and he can be like, okay, you win the argument. Put my head through a wall. It's like when an action Bronson wanted to slam me through a table, it was like, we could probably sit here and argue the validity of my interview question, but you want to throw me through a table, so you're gonna win. And I can't do shit about it.

So you win. You're the man. I'm the boy. It sucks. And I'm not going to do a single thing about it, because I'm a boy. I was thinking about that when I was doing the promo for the sad boy season, all the gear in the garage, and I was

thinking about things. Yeah, thinking about the people who were actually like that. Thinking about things that this guy might say. And he might say something along the lines of, it's pretty telling that this fucking adult man has put together two popular lines with the word boy in it. Sad boy and a day off. Might be something to this kid's head that he doesn't fucking think right. He's not a fucking man.

He's a little boy. You know, one time I thought, one Saturday, Saturday's for the boys ran its course. I was like, why don't we fucking flip it and do, now that we're older and lame,

like we'll do Fridays are for the men. I was like, we can't. We're not. I don't know if that's men. Someone else like fucking, I don't know, Jersey Jerry should do Fridays are for the men or something like that.

Not us, bro. Not us. We are powder puff. I should just have a pussy at this point. I mean, forget it. We are chicks, dude. We are not men. That dude's have a pussy at this point. I mean, forget it. We are chicks, dude. We are not men. That dude's pussy that Joey showed us was something.

That dude's pussy? Yeah. Wait, what? That guy Joey showed us, like, it was a guy. I mean, it was. It was a private thing between you and Joey, I think. No, that was on the show. I had to blur it.

Guy had a pussy? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that was just because it was hairy oh yeah yeah imagine transitioning and then not taking care of your shit like I have a bit that's crazy if you transition that person were they it was apt to him yeah it's what female to male that was f yeah one for the no wait but that was so she so that one hasn't had surgery. That was a born woman. Yes.

Very masculine features. I guess that's probably. They had quads. They did some squats in the day. More of a man than me. Person born as a female, more of a man than me. Fuck. I'm having a fucking crisis over here.

Okay. So let's just restart. By the way, it's like the one-year anniversary of your Hyundai breaking down. To the day, almost. I almost feel it. I could feel that. It's weird that... You know what's funny?

It's breaking down again. I'm pretty sure it was December 7th last year. I'm going to check. Pearl Harbor Day. It's my new personal Pearl Harbor Day. Just fucking kamikaze-ing my life. How is the fucking car broken again? It got a whole new

goddamn engine. It's been a year. At some point. It's got to be you, right? Probably because you drive that thing so hard. I do drive hard. I make that thing earn it. I make that Hyundai Tucson earn it.

I don't know whether this is an ad or a knock against Hyundai, but they fucking – the Tucson earns it. Tucson gets there. I think I'm – yeah, I think I am due for a yearly meltdown. And this is the early stages of it. This is like when they – like the volcanoes, like there's tremors, and the scientists are like ripping the pages out of the fax machine, being like, the big one's coming! It's coming. It's coming.

Paul Giamatti's in the corner freaking out. And there's some small mayor of the island town, like this happens every year. He's going to get eaten up by the lava. And that's going to be, I'm going to be like the old woman in Dante's Peak, just walking through the lava. Just burning alive. I can absolutely feel it.

Coming! Don't get divorced! Let's get back to jacked up. Let's just restart jacked up, okay? Let's get to jacked up. Jacked up week 13. Jets lose. Gardner Minshew balls out.

Also, Zach Wilson back, but he had a bad pick. But other than that, three touchdowns, I think. I don't know for sure about that. Sounds right. But he did pretty well. It's got to be tough for Zach Wilson to be looking at Gardner Minshew and be like, again, he's probably – Zach Wilson's looking around going, I'm not a man. I'm a boy.

Zach Wilson is more me than he is Gardner, and that's the problem. How old is Zach Wilson? 16. 16? No, he's probably, what, 23, 2? Yeah. All right, next up. Okay, well, so since you brought up Steelers, I'll do that.

A little confused about what happened at the end there. Yeah, tell us your best. But here's what I gathered. So the Steelers are winning, right? The Ravens are not winning, right? Yeah. The Ravens are not winning, but then they obviously. So then they score a touchdown, and then it's one point behind. 19-20.

Right? Yeah. Steelers have won. So then, and they're on the fourth down or something, and they have a chance to obviously go into the end zone. So then he does like a little kick thing, and he kicks it. But then they, yeah. I watched this game, and I'm not sure what's happening.

She skipped to the onside kick. Okay. So do you know what a two-point conversion is? That's the problem here. This is, no. Yeah. So after you score a touchdown you kick an extra point right that's an option you can do that every single time if you want

most people just always take the one because it's guaranteed and blah blah in this case they tried to go for the win yes so they said fuck it they could have tied and gone to overtime and they just said fuck it we're gonna go for the win which a lot of people were like good call i don't think so when you're the better team like that like i think the ravens are the better team there they We're going to go for the win, which a lot of people were like, good call. I don't think so. When you're the better team like that, like I think the Ravens are the better team there. They rammed it down their throats on that drive. I know it's kind of different when you're running like a two-minute drill. I think you go to overtime and you win that game.

I think I agree with you. But I also get the balls behind it. I wish more coaches did that. But when you're the better team, that kind of left the door open for the Steelers now in the playoff picture. I don't know. That was on the road. I know it's on the road. You go for it.

But I don't think when you're the better team. I think if it was the other way around, like, fuck it. Yeah, we're on the road. Let's go. But the Ravens, number one seed in the AFC. Keep that fucking. Not anymore. Yeah.

Last night when that happened, I was like, Who's the Who's that I'm going to see In the It's like Time But I mean It is It is also like If we lose tonight

We're the 15th AFC Really It's that tight Yeah that's right So what do you think About that call Jackie Not good I mean

What would you do As a coach You play soccer right I think it's a no brainer You fucking do that Because guess what Well it was also like He was They were gonna It was a wide open To the corner Like he just What would you do as a coach? You play soccer, right? I think it's a no-brainer you fucking do that because guess what? Well, it was also like it was wide open to the corner.

But I'm not even talking about that kind of stuff. I'm talking strictly about backlash, right? If you – or response. If you do that and don't get it, people kind of right away tweet like, hey, you should have kicked it. It really hasn't had much of a lasting impact if he hit it he would say he's a fucking genius for the whole week so you get like ten minutes like why did you kick it yeah and then like but like if you know what they go for to do like you become a legend right away well that's the thing is there's

the balls attached to it people like but I don't know I better not come back to bite you actually would be a perfect for my perfect opportunity for my idea of you circle, you just like hug the quarterback and then you just shuffle because you only have to go to two yards. Yeah, but what

if the Steelers are trying to tickle you? I mean, then game over. What about the idea of, what about if you could go for two by kicking like a 70-yarder? And then a guy like Justin Tucker becomes even more valuable. Like the further back you go, the more points you get. Yeah, I like that. Because then it's like, then, you know, Tucker's already fucking invaluable.

But imagine, yeah, line it up from 72 and give me three points. So, Ravens win. You know who else won? Lions. The Lions made the win look so fun, I wish we were defeated. What happened there, Jackie? Okay, it was close at the end, and then 75-yard touchdown run, minute 50 left in the game no one time out um somebody leave time on the clock

i'm asking you i don't know i don't know did somebody i guess i guess they did yeah they did and then and then they they got that then they i don't they, I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't know. I love how she's like, if you don't know that, you're not going to get it. She was like thinking like it was going to come to her. No, I was thinking.

Did you see the video of his girlfriend, the supermodel on, on set taking pictures? And then they like told her that, that he won? No. I'd be embarrassed, I think.

What do you think? It was a nice moment, but it's like when your girlfriend's like, oh, my God, they won a single game. How cute. She's way too surprised they won a game. That's what I mean. Yeah. It's like a really cute moment, but it's also like a cute moment,

and you're a fucking football player. That's the best. She's like, I don't give a fuck. My boyfriend used to play for fucking, we were in Los Angeles, now he plays for the fucking Lions in Detroit. This sucks. This sucks.

Weren't they like 12 and 4, like 13 and 3 a couple years ago in LA as a Ram, and now it's like... They lost the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Yeah, right, and now you're on a one-win team in Detroit. Of course she was like, honey, I gotta go fucking take pictures. I'm out of here.

See you fucking later. Okay, next up. Okay. Oh, okay, I'll go Chiefs-Broncos. Jackson Holmes is in the sand, so it finally ends the bad luck charm streak. I don't know how to phrase that, but you know what I mean? Bad luck charm streak curse.

Curse. Curse. Yes. And then you can't beat. This is another fun little saying. You can't beat the Chiefs with field goals. Ooh. Where did you learn that one?

I don't know. Shout out of the Texans. The Colts. 35. Zero points for them. Something. Zero points. But that's not a surprise for the Texans, the Colts, 35. Zero points for them. Something zero points, but that's not a surprise for the Texans because they suck. They're so bad. And that's kind of all.

I also got my hair done. Nobody commented on that. And it's like that's why I didn't watch that much football because I had a four-hour appointment. Not that anybody even noticed. What about them lips though, girl? Do you know I have blonde hair and big lips? I do notice that now that you say it.

But I actually did walk from the kitchen to the studio directly behind you looking at your hair and didn't notice it. Why would you tell me that? It looks beautiful. You also need to start to use your like, you gotta get that shit for free, girl. What? you tell me that? It looks beautiful. No, I don't want to hear it now. You also need to start to use your, like, you got to get that shit for free, girl. What?

You got to get that shit for free. Some salon, do Jackie's hair for free. The salon doesn't give a fuck about barstool sports. They don't care. Might have a valid point. Yeah, yeah. But anyways, so that's why I didn't really, like. No, you know what?

That's not true. What? That's not true. That's not true. What's not true? You're going to get your hair done for fucking free. I promise you that. Okay. And they're going to be like, yeah, Barstool.

There are plenty of girls who like Barstool and girlfriends and Barstool guys and all that shit. Yeah. Anyway, so the lips, the blonde hair. I don't know what we're getting done next. Let's go. Glow up city. You're not ugly. Didn't you always have blonde hair? What. Didn't you always have blonde hair?

What? Didn't you always have blonde hair? Well, it's fake. Don't say that. But you had it. I had it. Right. So what are you saying?

What are you not getting about this? I continually dye my hair blonde. Right. So you just said, like, the lips, the blonde hair. I know, but, like, it was growing out. It wasn't as blonde. But it wasn't like she switched from jet blonde to blonde. Working with guys is the worst.

That was the perfect ending. Like, yeah, I didn't watch football because I was getting my hair done. What is the deal with girls' hair taking four hours? It's like, Jesus Christ. I get it. There's a lot more going on, but that seems excessive. But you know what I did in the chair? What?

I haven't read in... Clearly not watch football. Well, yeah, I didn't watch football. I haven't read in way too long, like on my own, and I read a book. A whole book? Well, I read a few pages of a book.

It's fun. Reading is fun, right? No, it's not. It's not fun, but I do get a sense of something out of it when I'm on the beach. I feel smarter. It's always either on a beach or a plane,

and I'm like, oh, I'm reading. Yeah. You guys call me dumb now, but soon you can't do that. I'm going to be super smart. She reads books. I don't think we ever directly call you dumb. I was going to say, you just call yourself dumb. You call yourself. You guys indirectly call me.

I mean, it's just a known fact. You're not dumb. You just do dumb things. I do dumb things. I say dumb things. But I'm not dumb. That's not because you're dumb. It's because you're young. Yeah, that's a... You're not dumb. You do dumb things. What? You're not dumb. You just do dumb things. I do dumb things. I say dumb things. But I'm not dumb. That's not because you're dumb. It's because you're young. Yeah. That's a good way to say it.

You gotta do dumb shit when you're young. Yeah. And then you don't do them again. All right. Cool. Okay. We mentally torture you, and then you don't make the mistake again. Okay.

Secondary jacked up. Oh, I don't like these. In honor of last week's episode, jacked up the assassination of John F. Kennedy. We can't do history. Okay, I guess that's fine. This seems like a little bit of a touchy one to do. See you navigate this one.

He's riding in a car, right? Oh god, I don't want to detail this. No, no, no. Detail it. He's riding in a car. This is for Gen Z who doesn't know this shit and it's a drop top I don't know what it is it's a convertible John F. Kennedy dropped the top

titties was out dropped up spinning rims how else was that it's a convertible and him and Jackie Are Sitting in the back

And then his His head like Explodes a little bit And the pieces go You're missing so many steps Oh okay Okay okay okay Somebody shot him

And then And then it exploded It exploded What other steps are they in between let the girl go let the girl go um uh um and then and then his head like pieces of his head kind of go go flying everywhere and then um and then jackie like goes this is not funny i'm sorry but he jackie is like trying to like pick up the pieces of his head like i don't know what her plan was but she just goes and she starts like scrambling for his head fragments and then um like gathers gathers them and um that was probably like too much detail on the head explosion part. So we've done the head explosion.

Do you want more about the head explosion part? Well, I'm not going to lie. I don't know much about the history part. Like who shot him? Yeah, yes. It's the well-known guy's name. Super well-known. Everybody knows his name.

Don't you Google it. I want you to guess it. I'm not Googling it. Okay, what's his name? I'll give you Google it. I want you to guess it. I'm not Googling it. Okay. What's his name? I'll give you a hint. It's three names. It's like a first, middle, last.

Yes. And it is. You do the yes. Don't you Google it. I'm not Googling it. Is she Googling it, Pabs? Yeah. She's so blatantly Googling it.

No, don't let her. You're on camera and we can see this No don't let her You're on camera and we can see you Don't let her Do you think you're in a separate room right now I can see you doing it There's so many words on this page I can't even figure out who it is Um It's um

His name is Chris I don't know I just went with the most like Chris Remember three names First middle and last is Chris Chris I don't know I just went with the most like Chris three remember three names so first there's a first middle and last Chris Chris Kevin Chris Kevin Smith Chris Kevin Smith I knew you were so you said Chris it was a fucking foregone conclusion I do once once you say this, I'm going to be like, oh. Chris Kevin Smith.

Lee Harvey Oswald. I was close with the Chris Kevin Smith. Wait, you said that earnestly. You were not. No, I know. I honestly thought I wasn't. But, I mean. So Chris Kevin Smith shoots him.

Do you know where he shot him from? Like, where was he? Probably behind him. His head exploded from the back. It's funny for so many reasons. Particularly because it's absolutely not. It's the opposite. I'm sorry.

I'm going to stop going on about the head explosion. So Chris Kevin Smith shoots him from the back. Chris Kevin Smith obviously didn't like him and was in the crowd because they were doing a little drop-top drive with crowd members. We call that when a bunch of cars are going down the street and people are watching. Drop-top drive. Parade.

They were in a parade. Were they in a parade? Well, that's basically what it is. That's what it was. Describe the parade. They were in a parade. Were they in a parade? Well, that's basically what it is. That's what it was. You described a parade. I did describe a parade. So Chris Kevin Smith is in the crowd behind him and just pulls out the gun. And he pulls out, yeah, I mean, what else?

Clearly. He just pulls out a gun and then I think it's plain and simple. He just shoots. I don't know, like, what else. I feel like you guys are, like, trying to get me to say something else. And then what happened to Chris Kevin Smith in the aftermath? Chris Kevin Smith... Did he kill himself after that? No, he ran away.

He ran away. He gets caught. He gets caught? Yeah. Oh. He got caught immediately? Pretty much, yeah. What was his plan?

And then... Why didn't he run? Who killed Chris Kevin Smith? She had no idea he was dead The person who killed G. Day Tibbet G. Day Tibbet That was just sounds coming out of your mouth G. Day Tibbet is your answer? First of all, it was J.D. Tibbetts.

But I... J.D. Tibbetts. What is that about? I don't know. I honestly just looked at the first name that was highlighted on the screen. Is it Jack Ruby? Yes. Is it actually?

Yes. That was the second name highlighted. She's so surprised. So Jack Ruby kills Chris Kevin Smith. Wait, no. That's the Dallas Nightclub operator. Are you kidding about it? Did Jack Ruby actually kill Lee Harvey Oswald?

Okay, got it. Yes. Oh my god, I'm gonna look so dumb! It's fine! And that is the assassination of JFK. Jacked up! History's gonna be a weak point, I think.

I mean, it was... I wouldn't have gotten Jack Ruby. I'll say that. It's also like... I think you would have probably talked more about there being a conspiracy and all that kind of stuff. I probably would have mentioned that. When people talk about the assassination of John F. Kennedy,

it's usually more about there was a conspiracy. Did you know that there was a conspiracy? I actually did. I've heard about that. But you didn't ask for the conspiracy. You just asked what happened at the assassination. Sure. What did the bullet do?

Do you know anything about the bullet? It went into his head. I don't know. But it also went into other body parts. Oh. Did it? Well, that's the magic bullet theory. It would have had to go through and turn around and hit.

That's part of the conspiracy is that from the angle of where he was, the other injuries because other people got shot in the car. Some guy got hit in his shoulder, and it's like for those bullets to evolve in there. I think they posed a magic theory that was like, yeah, no, no, it hit here and then went there, and everyone with the brains was like, everyone with the brain, not

John F. Kennedy, was like, that's not really possible. You really did lean into the idea that his brain got massacred, though. That was the only part that I knew, so I just kind of leaned into that. Fucking Jackie Ravell over here. Alright, so tune in next week for some more football and

regular-ass knowledge from Jackie. What do you think a strong area for you would be? What could you describe well? I would say history is definitely the weakest point. I would stray away from that. I have a feeling that you guys are not going to, though.

Probably going to lean into that a little bit. You know what? I don't really have a strong point, I would say. I would say I actually was not that bad at math. Oh, okay. You would think that I would be bad at it. Can we just do jacked up mathematical problems? I don't know if that translates, but we'll figure something out for you.

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I think Jackie's got to, you know, we're going to send you home with some bottles of Whistlepig for you and the girls, and I want Jackie and the gang to have, like, a Whistlepig Wednesday or something. And they all have, like, whiskey at 5 o'clock together. Like a snifter on the rocks or something. You're swirling it. We'll do a tasting for you and the gals. You know what you should do next time you're in the chair? When you're in the chair for, like, six hours, just bring a bottle of Whistlepig and get drunk.

Just be shit-faced by the end of your uh your your uh hair appointment so whistle pig whiskey is one of the most important sponsors we've got on the kfc radio team right now they're getting down with busting with the boys a couple other franchises here so uh do the right thing show them some love get your bottles of whistle pig at your local liquor store and follow them on social media and tweet out pictures and post on Instagram. Tag us and use the hashtag ThankYouWhistlepig. Also, we have t-shirts on sale now for Tate Meyer and the Tate Meyer Scholarship Fund. He was the kid who tried to fight off the shooter in Oxford High School out in Michigan. Died

from his injuries doing so. He was being rushed to the hospital in a police car and died in the back of that car. The family started a scholarship fund. Actually, so I wanted to do something. I did that one minute man talking about Keith Olbermann. We didn't do that on the show yet, did we? No, I forgot about that. Total dickhead.

Keith Olbermann just sucks, man. I can't believe Keith Olbermann. We didn't do that on the show yet, did we? No, I forgot about that. Total dickhead. Keith Olbermann just sucks, man. I can't believe Keith Olbermann, for me, he was one of those OG SportsCenter guys. Yeah, yeah. Him and Dan Patrick and those guys used to do it together. They were an awesome tag team. And he had the... It makes me wonder if they just all had writers and shit

because I'm like, there's no way Keith Olbermann was that dude back then. I don't think they did. I know because nobody else did, right? I remember like – How was Keith? How was that guy the same as this guy now? Remember there was a SportsCenter, the show?

It was basically a game show to be a SportsCenter anchor? That's why I'm here today. Really? I saw that and I was like I want to – my original dream was to be like a SportsCenter anchor guy. And that show like, I don't know, made me think it was – like I didn't think – I never thought about like there are people out there who just like set out to try to do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I saw that contest. Just like failed athletes. Basically, yeah, yeah. And that's what kind of started – that's why I did the radio and like all that shit one day. But, yeah, it was like you had to come up with your own shit, right? Yeah, they were making them all the way.

Maybe it was just part of the reality aspect of aspect of it but they're making all them right there on stuff and you know one time like funny sports analyst anchor whatever turned political like hot take artist who's like doesn't even have a channel anymore no i think he's a freelance writer or something like that yeah you're unemployed bro but the take he had was that barstool it's hypocritical for barstool to praise tate meyer who was the kid who you know tried to fend off the shooter because his the shooter's mother was pro-gun and pro-trump and so is portnoy so barstool thereby can't like praise kid. It was just like weird backwards logic and even if it made sense, time and place

this makes no sense. This is so tone deaf and so I ended up doing that one minute man and we were really telling that kid's whole story and what I wanted to do was I would love to have some sort of Barstool scholarship I thought would be cool. We pick a kid

every year from that high school to pay for his college, and we call it the Tate-Meyer Scholarship Fund, but we would be the ones looking at the applications and trying to find the right fit. But that is such a process where we'd have to get involved with the school and the government and taxes, all that shit, and we wanted to do it quickly. So then I see that his family set it up already.

So there's the Tate Meyer Scholarship Fund, which his family directly started with Oxford High School. So all the proceeds from the T-shirts we're selling now will go to that fund. They're kind of like Friday Night Lights. It's almost like the Dillon Panthers. Oxford Wildcats has his number on the front, a ribbon with his name, and then Meyer and 42 on the back. He was fucking awesome at football.

Yeah. His highlight reel. He does it all, man. He plays both ways, and he was, like, lighting dudes up as a linebacker, good hands in the field, like a nasty running back who also was then catching touchdowns. Like, he was everywhere. It is crazy.

I was just like, you're athletic, running back, linebacker. Yeah, you just do those things. Shortstop. Yeah, center field, running back, linebacker. Yeah, you just do those things. Shortstop. Yeah, center field, shortstop, batting cleanup. But he seemed like one of those real – it's like kids are – it's almost silly to be like, what sport did he play? Because kids are so much more than just the positions they play in sports. But when you're one of those kids, it's kind of not really. You can almost – you know everything about that kid by knowing that he played those positions,

the type of kid that he was, how hard he practiced and committed to all that. The fact that he tried to stop a man with a gun. Yeah, yeah. That one probably is the driving factor there. And politics aside, all that bullshit aside, that dude deserves to be praised. And also, i hate when this stuff happens because there was other there were other uh victims and it's like you know it sucks to like praise one and not even know the names of the others one of the other kids

was an organ donor and they said you know his his organs have gone on to save people already so obviously all of it's tragic but when you hear a story of a guy who like sacrificed himself trying to fight off the uh the the shooter and then i then some people are saying don't don't praise this that sends the wrong message like yeah listen the message should not be don't go last action hero here and try to stop the guy but it is it's hide run fight three things they tell you. And if you're in the same room or whatever when he decides to open fire, somebody should step up, and Tate was the one to do it. So we're trying to honor and praise him.

Bro, that school is going to get in some trouble. Why? The timeline of how that all went down. They caught him that morning. So leading up to it, At Hatice once saw him on his phone googling like how to buy ammunition and he got in trouble for that they called home they talked about that

the mom texted him there was a text message after that incident where she said lol I'm not mad at you you just have to be smart and not get caught so there was like already that the family bought the gun for christmas i think it was like an early christmas present or maybe it was last christmas but like the reason he had the gun so that's on the family but then that morning at school

they caught him like doodling and drawing and they he was like drawing pictures of like a shooting and writing like bloodshed and blood worthy, like all these really nasty fucking scary terms. They brought him to the principal's office that morning. They were like, you need to get this kid counseling within 48 hours or we're going to like suspend him indefinitely. And then they were like, the parents were like, okay, fine. But like, you're not taking him out of school today. Like, we're not, you know, for whatever reason,

I don't know if they couldn't pick him up. They were just against him leaving the school that day. So they just sent him back to class. What? I didn't know that. That's bad. I guess they didn't even check his locker or his bag or anything. If a kid's

already got red flags and then you catch him drawing a picture of guns and shit and shooting students, to me, you're going home. You're fucking out. But I don't know. Maybe let's say in some world there's protocol where you're not allowed to send a student home without some sort of tangible blah, blah, blah. Search the bag. Search the fucking locker room.

Search. Give it a once over. Yeah. I'll take a gander. And I'm not even going to pile on because you know there's probably teachers and principals who are just gutted with guilt right now. But that's going to be a big-time lawsuit. Like whoever – that whole school district is going to fucking – they're in trouble for that one. And then when the news broke that there was this active school shooting, she texted her son, Ethan, don't do this.

And the dad ran home from wherever he was to check their box. And it was empty. And it was unlocked the whole time. It was never even a thing. So when your dad runs home to look for the gun and your mom texts you, don't do it. People probably had a good idea.

You probably had a good guess. And when you found pictures and... Oh my god, I would be so fucking mad People probably had a good idea. You probably had a good guess. And when you found pictures and... Oh, my God. I would be so fucking mad if I was one of those... If any of those parents... Jesus fucking Christ. Absolutely crazy. And I know I've been getting a lot of people telling me, like, you know, nice shirts, man.

But, like, why don't you do something to, like, you know, initiate more gun control? Bro, I would love to. I think that one falls on you. Truly, genuinely, if I could pick one thing that I could fix, it would probably be that. If the most powerful politicians in the world aren't even getting a fucking ounce done.

I don't think. That's a high part of this. Put a little bit more much on my plate. That's a good t-shirt. Why don't you fix global warming? For real. Like, come on. I don't know, man.

I wish, I genuinely wish I could. But in the meantime, let's raise some money for the scholarship. Hey, Kev, cute t-shirt. Why don't you stop racism? Yeah. God damn. Unbelievable. I'm actually going to hold you to all those things now.

All right, global warming, gun control, and racism. Just the capital R racism. All of it. I'll draw a line there. Once you fix those three, I'll give you a pat on the back. I don't have to worry about cancer or anything like that. Nah, cancer's going to be around. But the other three...

Cancer's ain't going anywhere. Cancer's here for the long haul. You got a better chance of stopping racism than cancer. You know what? Don't know about that. Actually, no. Definitely not. Science has a much better chance of stopping cancer than just asshole people. cancer you know what don't know about that yeah i don't actually know definitely not definitely science has a much better chance of stopping cancer than just asshole people asshole people

always gonna exist man it is great forever it's actually a crazy thing racism you just think about racism it's crazy it's nuts like like straight up. Straight up. People just think that, like, certain races are inferior. It's nuts. That's crazy. You know what the worst part of racism is? Think about that. Think about that. It's crazy.

The goddamn, the arrogance of racism is what blows my mind. When you see some of these people who are racist and I'm like, you think you're better than anybody for any reason? Skin color or otherwise? You think? Look at your whole shit right here. You think you're above anyone alive right now looking like some Joe Exotic

hick motherfuckers? Usually those are the ones there. It is. It's just like, sometimes you just think like, that's fucking funny. This is fucking crazy. Someone's just like, someone wakes think That's fucking funny This is fucking crazy Someone's just like Like someone wakes up in the morning I think some other people Would use a different term for it

I mean You know what I mean It's like It's I mean it's hilarious That some people wake up And they're like I am a better person

Than these people I'm superior That's crazy Damn man I don't know how I was brought up But I'm pretty sure I did it Did you You just said it That's how That's crazy. Damn, man. I don't know how it was brought up, but I'm pretty sure I did it.

You just said it. That's how it got brought up. I got this thing about it. That's crazy. Did you watch the Will Smith tennis movie? No. King Richard. King Richard.

Did that come out on HBO Max like this weekend? Was it originally always on HBO Max? No, it was within like a weekend or two. Okay. I was just on HBO Max today or yesterday I heard it's very good It's an awesome story I don't know how

Much of it I hope Sounds bad It's the type of movie I was watching I was like I am a shitty dad Like fuck There's like one scene Because I also think he had some pitfalls and some demons.

Yeah, I don't think Richard Williams is, like, thought of as, like, an amazing father. Right. The movie portrays him as that. Very much so. There's, like, one, literally one scene. It's bad, but I think, like, yeah, he's got some black marks. Right, yeah.

There's one scene for, like minutes where like they allude to him having like like uh multiple times kids like older kids would show up at the door being like you're my father um which is not not to say you're a bad guy but like there's just clearly some family issues and cheating and and extramarital kids and whatever but um but i you know like i almost needed that one scene before I was, I was like, I was ready to go get fucking tennis gear for Shane. Like,

I don't know. I got to do something here. Uh, cause the, the beginning of it is all like, there's a, there's a scene where, um,

they call the, the child protective services on him. Um, because they were training in the rain, like in a monsoon, they're out on the tennis courts and in the movie they're laughing and they're splashing in the puddles and in a monsoon. They're out on the tennis courts. And in the movie, they're laughing, and they're splashing in the puddles, and it's funny, and they're packing up after they're done, and he's like, well, I guess we're not going to need to take a shower tonight.

And they're like, ha, ha, ha. And then I'm like, it probably wasn't like that. It was probably two pre-teen girls being like, I want to fucking go home. And the neighbors did probably call the CPS because it was like, this seems like abuse. But they paint all of the tennis and all of the training and everything as completely 100%

like, you know, what's the word? Consensual, if you will. The Williams sisters produced it. So it is like, anytime someone has a it's a pseudobiography, it's a biography of their family at least. And anytime someone has complete control over it. Like fucking, sure, Compton was good.

I don't know if I was so accurate. Right, right. It was a lot of... It was billionaire Dr. Drabian. Like, let's put a little bit of a puff piece on us. Yeah, let's soften that there. I didn't realize too, though. So there's five daughters, three from a different guy,

and, like, one went on to become a doctor, one went on to become a lawyer, two tennis stars. Do you remember, like, 2003 that their sister got murdered? No. The sister who was the oldest. I don't know why I would know that. Who, I guess, half-sister, I think was a lawyer. She got gunned down in Compton like a i think like in a gang shooting or something really like i get you know 2003 is a long time ago they were probably like

just on the come up but i don't remember that like in the headlines at all but um yeah 2003 i would not be 2003 john wasn't too interested in the tennis yeah yeah yeah before they were really doing it you weren't you certainly weren't watching women's tennis. But at one point, when they finally started to make it, he gets this tennis camp, whatever, to relocate the whole family. He got them a house. He got them this and that. I was like, some LeVar Ball shit. Yeah, this guy's probably a little crazy or whatever. But in the end, everybody made out really fucking well.

And you provided a motherfucker, which is, you know, what you're supposed to do. He is, but he's like sick. Like over the holiday, they were like,

he's breaking down. But I don't know if it's a direct line or not, but you probably saw it in the trailer when the guy goes like, well, well,

Richard, I think you might have the next Michael Jordan. And he goes, oh no, brother man, I got the next two. And it's like,

if you did say that and you called your shot like that, that's fucking dope. And it's really not, it's say that, if you called your shot like that, that's fucking dope. And it's really not, it's much more about Venus because she was the first one, you know? And in the end, he's kind of like, he says to her like, and again,

I don't know if this line is real or not, but he goes, Venus is going to be number one in the world next week. And I know that that like probably hurts you a little bit or it's tough for you to handle while you're on the sidelines. What? Serena's going to be?

No, no, Venus. So Serena's the younger one. So she's like's like so serena it kind of ends with venus going pro and so serena's still not and he's like venus will be the number one player in the world you're gonna be the greatest of all time and i don't know if he's you know that's probably a little poetic license or whatever you call it but again if that happened that's fucking awesome i just don't they never really explained why he picked. He said he picked tennis because he knew these super athletic black girls were going to come in and flip this white sport on its head. But how he was good enough to train them and how he knew that was good, they never really explained all that.

That is kind of important. He had no passion for tennis? Well, he must have, and he was good enough to train with them and shit. So maybe he just – like, how did he play as a kid? Because it would be even more far-fetched for a young black guy of his age to play. So that kind of glossed over that. But the rest of it is a very good watch. How accurate?

I don't know. But it's like Braveheart. It's like – I don't know. Right, Jackie? Fuck history. Just entertainment. Totally. All right.

This weekend was a big one because it was the debut of Nicky Hammer. The rock star, Nicky Hammer. The pop star, Nicky Hammer, the pop star, the punk pop star is in the building on the keys, on the guitar, live at Toad's Place. Man, you saw the wall? Kanye West and fucking every rock band. I didn't look that up before I went there because it was going to be in my head. And then somebody tweeted at me the night before, dude, the Rolling Stones played there. I was about to say the Rolling Stones as a joke, but no, they played there.

And it was funny because when we were like, when we just got there, we're talking to the owners and stuff, talking about everyone on the wall. One of the things that the guy said was sometimes people come in that are like on the come up and they're just so big for their britches. They're just like, this stage isn't big enough. And they just go, it's big enough for Mick Jagger. And they just shut theitches. They're just like, this stage isn't big enough. And they just go, it's big enough for Mick Jagger. And they just shut the fuck up. They're just like, okay.

Yep, got it. Understood. Everything, any complaint you have against that venue, you could just hit them with that. Yeah, shut the fuck up. But it was actually, I really liked the venue. It wasn't that far deep, but it was wide. So everybody that was in.

It was crammed up to the front row, basically. Yeah, everyone that was in, the farthest away from us you were were 30 feet but i mean they fit like a thousand people right right and there was like some rafters too and like they had all these cool photos around there was one of drake in like 01 and the guy's like what do you notice about this photo that's weird it's everyone has cameras oh wow, wow. Not even phones? There's one or two iPhones. The digital camera wrapped around your wrist? Yeah, it was sick. We actually, I was like, I bet you could go on YouTube,

and that's early YouTube days. You could find that. That performance. Yeah, Drake at Toad's Place. Yeah, we found a couple of them where it was like just this shitty, old digital camera footage with, like, cracked audio. It was really cool. and now you'll be that for somebody in like 25 30 years like pop punk played there no yeah it was cool i was uh these

guys were there uh my nerves were running pretty high before i was trying to like i was doing the thing that's why rock starts to drugs bro yeah that's well this one i didn't want to like i because i've never the last time I played was literally 10 years ago. It was August 2011. Meaning like played a show or like – A show. Yeah, you've like fucked around in your apartment and like – Like I've always – it's why I fucking love like going to karaoke and shit like that because you get that little bit of like performance high.

But the last time I played a show was in like a park that – I used to run this event called Flintstock and we would rent out the venue at the end of the summer and it was a band show but it wasn't really, it wasn't like it wasn't set up for music but like we had I think like, I used to tell people 200 people came to that, it was not 200 people

it was like 200 throughout the day came to the set of the band. Sure, then that counts, that counts then. But like, so I think the most people I've ever played in front of was like 200 throughout the day came. Sure, then that counts. That counts then. But, like, so I think the most people I've ever played in front of was, like, 100, 150 maybe. Which is not all that bad, by the way. No, no. But, like, that was the last time, and it was 10 years ago. And so what did Toe's end up being? What's the capacity there?

It's about 1,000. I haven't asked Daniello for the final. But, I mean, it was full out, like, to the edge of the stage i was like stage left and looking out uh like i was making sure to like play to the corner because like it was very weird that like i would turn and look at them and then they'd start freaking out and i'm like i'm like dude rock star shit so i'm nicky hammer yeah so i like i was making sure to try to engage with everyone. That's what's cool about it being wide is that everybody gets a front row. Yeah.

The front row from your side is a totally different experience from the front row of Bob Fox's side or whatever. Definitely. So it was lined up. It was me and Bob on one side. Usually the rhythm and bass are right next to each other. And then PFT on the other side, Ronan Middle, Frankie. Wait, so Bob plays bass.

You play rhythm. Yep. And then what is PFT? He plays side, Ronan Middle, Frankie. Wait, so Bob plays bass. You play rhythm. And then what is PFT? He plays solo. He's the lead. So he does a lot of... What's the difference between lead guitar and rhythm guitar? Lead is going to take the solos. They're going to do the main riffs and stuff like that.

Sometimes I'll match them with it. Like Stacy's mom, we play the same... Okay, what is in Dammit by Blink-182 that would be the lead yeah the lead would take that and then rhythm is just kind of playing along with that

so for that one since that is a three piece band the lead would just do everything a bigger band has more yeah that's where I would come in and fill in though like during the chorus and the verses i would still play what he's playing just because it fills out the sound a lot more do you like the guitar or the piano better when you're performing uh i'm i'm more comfortable with guitar i've just been playing it longer i realize like it's cool though to be on stage and like the the footage of kanye when

he's at sunday service and he's like playing and bopping I actually like I haven't seen any of the footage of me on the keys I only did it for three songs but like I fucking

I couldn't hear myself that well like when we did sound check I was able to hear myself very clearly not factoring in the fucking

bops crap right so I wasn't able to hear especially for Encore we did Truly Madly Deeply and that's supposed to be a lot of just me

and just like playing long notes and I couldn't hear it so I was just looking and I'm like alright everyone's reacting and I just like I played it like without being able to hear it so luckily that one went off well but yeah the keys are fun to like

tickle the ivory baby you know yeah for the songs we were playing i was playing like a lot of long held chords so i'm sure but i was fucking headbanging on that like going nuts were you drinking did you drink at all or no i had a beer near the end of the set just to like um i had i had like one or two beers earlier in the night but i i wanted to make sure because i've never i mean i was 17 when I last played on stage. I was like, I got to make sure I could play while drinking. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wanted to make sure this one –

Did you find – very, very different circumstances, but I found like when we got back on stage after Corona, just like that much more – not even after Corona. Like we did Couch by Couch West at the Wilbur in like 2015 and then when we got back on stage it was like 2019 it was almost like like in five years

I've done a lot more and I've grown a lot and I was like oh this is much easier for me still get nerves but I used I was like really nervous I definitely

definitely felt that and I was able to shut it out a little bit where like when I walked on stage we kicked off with Seven nation army which i've played a million times i used to play bass though like i i knew it from there where it used

to like start with me and i was like okay i don't come until the chorus kicks in walk over grab your guitar let it sink in let like wait till you have to hit that note and like i had my i have my pedals and i was like all right alright we just gotta come in stomp on the mute get it fucking unmuted and like just go the second I did that I was able to fall into it a little more pop punk is my favorite thing that parcel does

partially because personally I if there's the only thing I would want to do other than what I'm currently doing is music if I could be like a rapper or be in a band or something that's the only thing I find want to do other than what I'm currently doing is music. Yeah. If I could be like a rapper or be in a band or something, that's the only thing I find to be more fun than talking shit, sports, arguing, comedy, all that. Or maybe a true stand-up comic is also up there. But I love the music aspect. And the fact that Barstool just like cobbled this together and it's like not a joke anymore.

No. Like it was kind of a joke. We were talking about like. And all of a sudden it became real and now it's like really real. We were talking about next year and like we're getting messages from people being like, hey, you want to come here and here? And I'm just like, fucking Christ. Like it's going to eventually. They want to write like.

A real album. Yeah. And especially for the genre because there's always going to be a hint of comedy. Yeah. And a little bit of like humor to like, man, we're fucking around. But that's what punk is. My Real Girlfriend has 600,000 streams on Spotify. My Real Girlfriend, if Blink-182 sung that song or if that was on MGK's Tickets to My Downfall album, that would be a number one song. Yeah.

It's technically a gold record. That's what I said. Second Round Knockout has like 400 something. Yeah. album that would be a number one song yeah it's technically a gold record yeah like that's that's what i said i uh uh second round knockout has like 400 something yeah and i was like i want to go gold on spotify yeah you have a gold record that was the one i was most nervous to play because it's original but it's like a well-known original where it's like all right make sure because like and i'm still getting back up to speed pft plays so so fast. That guy is so fucking good at guitar. He's a savant on the guitar. Where, like, during the, we figured out for the verse of that, like, I'm not playing,

like, the chugging, like, da-da-da-da-da, and I'm just playing, like, the long notes, and it, like, it does fill out the sound really well when we do that. But, yeah, I did have a humbling moment halfway through the show. These two girls were front row. Very, like. Are you done over there nichols are you done i shut up they're jacked up do we need a medic what i went down the wrong pipe i i do sympathize with that uh humbling moment so there were these two very hot girls front row and at

one point they were changing my name which was cool cool, and I was just like, oh, my God. And then one of them was trying to hand me their phone, and I'm like, is this like my Snapchat? They asked me to take a picture of them. Of them. While you were on stage? Like performing? Like it was for two seconds in between a song. And I'm like, I was like, you want a picture of us? You did.

I would too. I would too. But that is some rude shit. I was like, what? What just happened? You were thinking like, oh, I'll do like a selfie of all of us. At that point, there was some chaos down to the side. So the security all had left. So I'm like leaning over like, selfie of all of us. No. At that point, there was some chaos down to the side. So the security all had left.

So I'm like leaning over like, hey, take a picture. And I can't reach him. And I'm like, we're like starting another. So I'm like, fucking take your phone. I didn't get a good picture. Dude. It was preposterous. Ask the guitar guy to fucking take a picture of us.

He doesn't look busy right now. Give him my phone. I was dying laughing. I'm like, all right, there it is that was i needed that i needed that otherwise i was gonna be yeah right hi yeah uh what give me the set list or what else what you remember at least like what were what were the the big moments uh love i saw stacy's mom love story a lesbian couple got engaged i saw that yeah and that was real so yeah it was right next to they weren't just like making a moment, you know? They might have been like, but like.

Was there a ring? I think so. If there's a ring, it's Stefan. Yeah. Stefan was next to them, like my roommate. And like the one leaned over and was like, I think I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. And he's like, okay. And then she did.

And he like whipped out his phone and that's him in the video being like, oh my God. Why did we get that footage? Oh my God. Yeah. And he like, it his phone and that's him in the video being like oh my god get that footage oh my god yeah and he like it was right before the encore so he sprinted around because he was on the opposite side of the venue and he told us right before we went back on stage that's cool it was did you like shout it out on stage yeah roan called him up and oh very cool he's like you didn't know but uh love story was dedicated to you because i think we were all looking at the set list being like, none of these would be dedicated

to like a couple. Love Story is Taylor Swift, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is that the Romeo and Juliet one? Yep. Yeah. That is an awesome moment.

That's very cool. But that one was cool. I mean, the entire- I saw Stacy's mom. I saw you rocking out to that. And you ended up doing Tickets to My Downfall? Yes. That's how you opened?

Yeah. Did that go well? That's not how you opened. That was kind of in the middle. I know you were nervous about the pace of that one. Yeah, no. By the middle, you're chilling, right? By show day, I was up to speed on that.

That one is just so fast. That's so fast, and it's because Travis Barker is just such a fucking maniac. I was saying before, I'm like, at some point, MGK had to be like, yo, man, this is fast. Can we just chill, man? I'm a rapper. I'm new to this shit. I was thinking about that. I love MGK. I really do. I feel like even when he began to start taking heat for Megan Fox, when you

see him, when you hear his headlines and hear his stories, they sound cringy. And then when you see him in action, did you see him on Fallon? He's totally normal. Him andidson are like boys and you can tell that both of them are like we just kind of like i don't want to say stumbled into it because especially mgk like worked hard at music but like they're just like shit we're famous and it's cool and we're just like living this life now and he was telling stories that are totally relatable, down to earth, like

him and Pete fucking around at SNL when they fell off the stage. He bruised his coccyx and he was telling some story with Megan Fox where he was playing with a knife. Did you see this? Travis Barker gave him a knife for an event or either a birthday or a holiday or your album went platinum or whatever it was

and it was engraved in the handle. It couldn't have been that because it was when they first met Megan. So whatever it was, and it was engraved in the handle. It couldn't have been that because it was when they first met Megan. So whatever it was for, he had a knife, and he said he was like, yo, watch this. I mean, that might have been my downfall. They were recording that right around that time. Yeah, so maybe just like that it came out. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, yo, watch this.

And he threw the knife up in the air, and it went like, and it like stuck in his hand. And he just, because it was like the first time he was really hanging out with her he just kind of ate it and was just like she was like are you okay and he's like i'm good i'm good i'm totally good and as soon as she left that morning he called up somebody was like yo i need stitches and he's telling the story that's like it's something you would tell in a voicemail it's something that would happen to john i love his whole style but think about and this and what made me think of it there's a tiktok or something floating around now that was like um eminem's the only rapper who could battle somebody and make them entirely change genres.

And it's been so successful that nobody's really talking about that. But if he did that and it flopped, people would be like, bro, Eminem like that would end you know but it's like he was like this grimy rapper and then now he's selling uh nail polish and pink outfits and like totally vibrators now too yeah he has like a lot of his own vibrators which is all awesome I'm totally all about that but it's like boy you had to I mean Travis Barker really like hooked it up and was like we're gonna follow my path and we'll make sure this works but like that's an all-time, you're all in. That's an all-or-nothing moment. If that doesn't work, MGK, you can't go back to rap after that.

And if the punk community doesn't like you, you're fucked. You are genre-less if that move doesn't work. Everyone was listening to that album that night being like, I'm hoping that it's bad, I feel like. So that way they could easily shit on them. And then it's like, fuck, this is great. That was awesome yeah and i don't know i don't know if he'll ever be fully embraced by like the true punk people because the only problem with that album is a lot of a lot of pop punk isn't

really embraced and like yeah you get the people being like oh the sex pistols like that's real punk and i'm like yeah but i don't like listening to that as much as i like listening to fucking uh all-time low yeah yeah like some of the but the problem with mg listening to that as much as I like listening to fucking all time low. Yeah. Yeah. Like some of the, but the problem with MGK is that it almost kind of is the antithesis of punk in the sense that like, he's a marketing machine. Like they're like,

we'll just change your look. We'll change your sound. We'll put Travis on it. We'll dye your hair and it'll work. And it's almost like, well, that's fuck. Cause that means you can manufacture it

where it used to be like, used to feel more to me like you had to be real. But whatever. Like, all that aside, the music's awesome. So,

but I love that you guys were playing that. So, any, any, like, any standout moments that were like,

you know, funny, any fails, any solos of a grade? I tried to throw my picks into the crowd that didn't make them pass the barrier.

Throwing a pick I mean like a drumstick is one thing throwing a little pick I've seen so many people do it I'm trying to flick them I have my

there's the little container over there the WandaVision one it's full of picks I was grabbing them I was trying I couldn't get a single fucking one

more than three feet and oh yeah see you would you gotta like yeah oh you gotta fling it. And, oh, yeah, see, you would have. You got to, like, yeah. Oh, you got to fling it. I was overhanding. Yeah, I guess if you throw it like that.

That's exactly what happened, yeah. You got to get more of a. One of the guys that works there, it was, like, his day off, but he came in, and he's like, I don't know what to expect from you guys. I loved it. He was trying to get me to sign it, but I didn't have a marker. Signing just an individual pick? Yeah, it was one of my picks that I threw. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like,, but I didn't have a marker. Signing just an individual pic? Yeah, it was one of my pics that I threw.

Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, oh, I didn't think about that. If you guys go on tour or whatever, do some spot, you're always, at least for the next foreseeable future, you'll always be that. Because people are going to be like, who are these guys? And then it's like, oh, they have a ton of chemistry. They're all really funny. Turns out they're all talented. They can do their originals.

They can do their covers. You don't take yourself seriously no it's perfect then uh in the green room also i there was a joint being passed around i'm like i gotta hit this just because to say like i did drugs in the green room absolutely fucking mick jagger you can't no no no thank you no way you can't pass on that blunt. And then right after that, realized it was really good weeding. Because I was like, oh, shit. And then I was talking to, shout out Finn, largest son. I was talking to him for about 15 minutes because he just started playing guitar. And I'm just like.

He was probably like, dad, your coworker was so high. We were just talking about like Van Halen interruption and stuff like that. And I was just like, I was holding my own in that conversation, but I probably shouldn't have been that high for it. It was very funny. If you have the chance to go to a pop punk event anytime in the future, go, because they are so much fun. Yeah, you'll be playing in Arizona.

We'll also be playing. We'll do KFC Radio Live in Arizona Thursday night. Same day. The Carne Del Rey. Del Rey. Charro Steak and Del Rey Thursday, 7 o'clock, the week leading up to the Arizona Bowl with Barstool. It's a small event, a small space.

Are tickets on sale right now? They're on sale. They're on sale. They're only $25. Okay, $25. Only 70 people. I don't know what our Arizona client audience is like, but that's going to go super fast.

There are people traveling from San Diego to go there. So if you want to get tickets, I would hop on them now. Right away. Right away. It's going to be an orgy. I'm going to have to leave. No, we're all going to have sex. It's going to be an orgy. I'm going to be... I'm going to have to leave. No, we're all going to have sex. It's going to be an orgy.

70 people is like... Now that we're doing bigger venues, I'm like, all right, 70 people is like a cool little intimate... Yeah, it's an orgy. I'm going to have to leave like 20 minutes before that ends. To go to... Look at Nicky Hammer. It's going to be...

He's like Clark Kent, man. He's got to like fucking rip it off and go be a rock star. It's going to be crazy. You're going to be doing like levels and shit for us, and then it's going to be like, peace, losers, let me grab my guitar pick. Doing levels for pop punk, too, would be sick. Yeah, does the production, do you have to change your state of mind to be like, all right, I'm in talent mode now? Oh, levels.

How have they not done that? I don't know. You know that beginning? Yeah, I don't know. There's a way to do it. There's definitely a way to do it. I mean, the keyboard I bought, that new one, the synth on it is fucking...

That's, yeah. For sure. Pitch that to them. Yeah. The only problem is, well, then you need Rowan to like freestyle over it or something. Oh, that'd be fucking sick. You could do Hangover.

Hangover by Flo Rida like uses the levels beat. Oh, yeah. Not Hangover. There's a song by Flo Rida uses the levels beat. Not Hangover. There's a song that Flo Rida does that is part of his. It might be. Going forward, like this. Yeah, yeah. This one I definitely did guitar songs and piano songs. In the future, there's going to be some switching back and forth.

Are you going to get on the mic? I don't know. I didn't ask for one this time back and forth. Are you going to get on the mic? I don't know. I didn't ask for one this time. I've heard the latest thing is Frankie on the mic. Oh, Frankie on the mic is fucking good. His wagon wheel is...

Wagon wheel and Wonderwall. I couldn't believe it was him when he'd come back from that drum part and he was doing... Oh, the... Yeah, I was like... Oh, my God.

Yeah. Whoa, Frankie. He did that once in a practice and we're like, you got to do that as hard as you can. Yeah, I was like, whoa, Frankie. He did that once in a practice, and we're like, you got to do that as hard as you can. Yeah, that was awesome. I mean, that's the thing. Everybody's just learning that they're all like, oh, wait, I'm actually a rock star. That's like the kid getting fucking, well, I guess that's voicemails. But, yeah, learning that about yourself at a later age is fucking unbelievable.

Yeah, it's unreal. So today for top fives,'ll all we'll do there's five of us right we'll do our top five live music events that we've been to oh been to okay uh have i been to five no no no i feel like we can each do our best one oh we can't do like a five person top five, right? I think we've done that before. It's usually when you're gone. It's kind of chaos. Yeah. It doesn't have to be that you've been to it. Let's do

we'll just throw a bunch out there. Top five live performances been to or memorable, whatever, otherwise. Everyone's going to hate this. I'm sure I'm going to hate a lot of yours. I think my favorite performance, it wasn't there, but I think my favorite performance that I've ever seen happen

will forever be DMX at Woodstock 99 with the red overalls and the endless sea of people. It became a meme. It's become an internet thing. DMX performing for the entire planet Earth at Woodstock 99. It's the only live thing that I wish I was there, and simultaneously, it's my nightmare. Could you imagine being in the middle of that? No.

I saw it even when Michigan won against Ohio State, and they stormed the field, and it was like the whole – imagine being at midfield where it's just like, I can't get out of here. If I wanted to leave, I can't. If you were in the middle of Woodstock 99 while DMX were performing. I was at the – You're dead.

I was at two or three years ago the Thanksgiving Day Parade here and my sister had a panic attack even that right yeah because people are such

fucking cunts at that goddamn parade everywhere anywhere there's people there's people there's cunts there was an ambulance next to us

and like we my little brother was up on it and the amount of asshole parents that almost knocked him off I was about to leave that place swinging

my sister starts freaking out I'm like thank god we have a reason to leave I'm like alright right medic out of here fucking that's how this shit happens like actual world though it's like yeah it's like that's crazy escalate yeah what do you got what is that all right october 10th 2012 one day after his debut album the heist came out mclemore at blue moose tap house in i Iowa City was one of the best shows I have ever

fucking been to. He's walking out on the crowd. I actually didn't see that. I'm holding his foot while he's fucking on top doing Can't Hold Us. I know every word. Before he got fucking clowned to death on the internet, they do fucking all the best bands, Nickelback,

Creed. I like them all. Shout out Scott Stapp performing at the Arizona Bowl. Yeah, that was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to. Macklemore. Yeah, that was – better keep that one quiet. But he is in that level. Actually, I mean he's not in that level because I like some of his music, but I don't think it's like –

Blue Moose in Iowa City had shut down now, but it was like a 300-person venue that they crammed more people into. And so it was this small, intimate thing that even he was like, I've been playing fucking big centers. I'm like popping right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, he had great openers. I think I caught the hat of one of the openers, D1. Have you seen the episode of Dave with Macklemore?

No, I haven't. It's good. I think it's a bar mitzvah for a rich kid. I mean, it might be like a make-a-wish thing or whatever. So like Dave was supposed to, Lil Dicky was supposed to perform. And it was like, but there's a chance Macklemore might come. And he ends up coming and just like cucking the whole set

and like taking it over. But it's very, very funny. Jackie, what do you got? I just recently went to like a i live or my friend sings brooke taylor look her up i think i saw on your instagram yes and she's so good she recently just like she was gonna try to be a lawyer and go there and we were like just don't like go to law school like just try and pursue the music thing which i was kind of like oh my god was that bad but we still didn't do that yeah but she's so good i saw her she's incredible go look her up and it was so cute and now it's like her future's in your hands and now her future's in my hands and everybody should go look around so we got to get brooke taylor on

i'm gonna get her a record deal or jackie ruin this girl's life. Brooke Taylor. I went to go see The Killers when I was in 8th grade and I didn't even hit puberty yet. I was this little scrawny kid and waited at an 8-hour line to get front row, sky front row, during Mr. Brightside drummer throws out the stick.

I fight people off for it. I still have the drumstick. That's awesome. That was probably the best one. Seeing Mr. Brightside live has become bucket list type shit That's a modern classic That after pop punk was I played the keys on that And I was like I have to get this right Yeah yeah yeah that's what I mean

That's gotta be a bucket list for you Yeah like playing Mr. Brightside That is Michigan very smart for adopting that as their school song. That is a song that, like, it's already, you know, kind of a classic. But I think that's going to last for, you know, like 100 years. There's going to be people singing that song. Oh, you're going to hate this one, I feel like.

I'm sure if it's coming out of your mouth. Oh, thank you. Appreciate that, Kevin. Love you. I would have to go with probably, so in 2019, I went to Ultra Music Festival down in Miami. Oh, God. Exactly. Just the worst.

And I would say Zedd main stage 2019. Oh, my God. There you go. I don't know if there's anything you want to do. I was literally trying to think of what you would hate the most, and I figured the one with me at a main stage of 40,000 other people would probably be the antithesis. I like Zedd. I like that.

I like those songs. I went to Electric Daisy. No. Electric Daisy Carnival? ADC. I went to... Yeah, you know, Cabo ADC. What did I go to? Was that Citi Field?

I think it was the Daisy one. That's Electric Daisy Carnival. Yeah, EDC New York is one, yeah. Yeah, I went to there. I went to – oh, my God. Fuck you. Fuck you, Pabst. It was at Citi Field.

I went – I tried my best to, like, wear something that would fit in. Oh, my God. I need to see the picture. No, it was – I mean, I wore wore like, I had that Kelly Kapowski shirt that just has her from Saved by the Bell. Yeah. Oh,

so this was recent? It was, yeah, no, well not recent, but it was 2014, 13, something like that.

That's on that shirt. And like, I just, it was so funny being at a festival. It was my dream because the Bud Light line is empty. I just kept walking up to the Bud Light cart

and another round, my good man, two more Bud Lights, and I just never had to wait in line. Meanwhile, the line to get water is out the door around the corner, and I just kept going to get more Bud Lights. I mean, I saw

they did titanium and levels. And I was like, all right, I'm good to go at that point. I was like, that's all I know. That's all I really care to see. But, I mean, I remember looking around being like, they're just bodies. Like people were passed out. People are shit. I was like, this is fucking – I'm out, man.

This is not my scene. I don't know if I've ever done an EDM fest. Probably. Best shit not my scene. I don't know if I've ever done an EDM fest. Probably. Best shit in the world. I feel like you've, yeah, you've got to, if you buy into it, it's amazing. And if you don't, if you're out of place with those things, it's got to suck. Oh, I can't imagine. Yeah.

It would be terrible. It's funny, though. I say, like, oh, this is terrible. And I remember being. Quentin Degas, that was it. I feel like people just don't give it, like, everyone always just thinks, like, oh, it's a DJ. Like, I'd rather see someone, like, live.

I don't really care about that. I just, you've got to be on drugs. Yeah. If you're not on drugs oh it's a dj like i'd rather see someone like live i don't really care about that i just you gotta be on drugs yeah if you're not on drugs it's like not you know what i mean you're not gonna like oh dude it's about the scene casually you know about the scene bro it's not about the drugs i'm going through in my head the actual concerts i've been to now and the fact that i picked macklemore is yeah i went to the drops of like i went to blink 182 panic at the disco and Fall Out Boy in the same night and then Green Day and Weezer recently I saw Pearl Jam

recently I'm starting to think it's funny that Macklemore stood out first I went to the Up in Smoke tour in 2000 probably 2001. It was the first concert I had ever really gone to.

I went with my older brother and all his friends. And, I mean, that was like Eminem had just popped. Dre came back. Snoop was on tour with them. It was like the best thing that's ever happened. And I remember it was the first time I smoked a blunt. We were in the car smoking beforehand. I just remember we were trying to sneak weed in.

Yeah, we were smoking blunts a lot at that age. That's probably why I shouldn't have been smoking blunts. I was too young and didn't know how to smoke, but that's what rappers did, so we did it, and now I think it ruined me. There was a guy in college every time he came over. He would show up at 2 in the morning uninvited and he'd just be like all right let's smoke a blunt and i'm like it's 2 a.m it's like i got one hit on that i'm done i don't need to like have an existential crisis right i just remember when the lights like the lights went out

in the in the uh for the concert and just everybody sparked up it It was like seeing your camera phones pop up. It was just everybody sparked. But that was like, I was probably in like eighth or ninth grade. I was like, this is highly inappropriate. I once saw The Roots at the Knitting Factory, which is like a small spot here. And I caught Questlove's drumstick

and that was pretty cool. The Roots Live. If you can see, I don't know if they tour anymore. They do the Jimmy Fallon thing that was pretty cool. The Roots Live, if you can see, I don't know if they tour anymore. They do the Jimmy Fallon thing, you know. If you can see The Roots Live, oh, my God, that's a fucking show. The drummer's throwing shit out. My buddy, he has, like, scars on his body from he went to a Tool concert,

which, I mean, they go a little more hard than a lot of people. Drummer threw, he took the skin off his drum and threw it, which, like, that's a ring that once they puncture through, everyone's grabbing it and pulling on it. Like, somebody just straight-up cold cocked him in the face, and he was just like, I'm done. Yeah, you can't throw that kind of shit at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, that's just reckless. Yeah, nah. What is drum skin? It's the, it's what you hit. Like, you have to, you have to, like, fucking unscrew it. It, like, took the guy a minute to take it off to be able to throw, which is crazy. What's the worst concert you've ever been to? Oh, man, now that I'm thinking about it, I've been, I was at the Best of Both Worlds tour

when Jay-Z and R. Kelly did their album together. And they were on tour together. And at the Garden one night, R. Kelly had, album together and they were on tour together and at the Garden one night R. Kelly had like a meltdown and we didn't know what was going on. He like thought, we thought it was like part of the show. But he came out and was like, I'm sorry

y'all, like my life's in danger. I don't feel safe right now. And he ran off the stage and we were kind of like this is a weird bit that they're doing and it turned out there was someone in the crowd that R. Kelly thought was trying to kill him. And at this time, we just think R. Kelly's fucking, you know, whatever, he's singing the hooks, it's all good.

Turned out to be the beginning of the end with him and Jay-Z. I ran for my life at another DMX concert in Mount Vernon. It was a free concert right when DMX first came out, and, like, the whole hood showed up, and it was nobody controlling it. It was about to be like when DMX first came out. And the whole hood showed up. And there was nobody controlling it. It was about to be like Astroworld Part 2. And I just fucking ran for my life. I bet there's some bad concert experiences.

I think the worst... Macklemore. Retrospect, maybe. Wait, fuck, I just had it. Do you go to concerts a lot? I'm not a big concert person I've been to like Coachella and everything But probably the worst was in like

When I was 15 I went to With like two friends we went to like a G-Eazy concert And it was like It was like Just him he wasn't like It was just G-Eazy How many songs could he possibly play? It was so cool for going

there but um i don't know but like so we like all just like drinks so much before like we were so not chill and we like it was a shit it was like like all of us like we're just a shit show like we whatever did your parents drop you off they dropped us us off. Oh, God. Did they pick you up? Yeah. And, like, so I fell asleep in front of the guy, like, in front of me, like, just on his back. And, like, I woke up, like, three songs later, and I was still on his back. The poor guy, like, didn't move, like, the whole time. And you were just leaning on him? I was just leaning, like, on him. No!

Oh, my God, Jackie. Yeah, it was really bad. Shaquille, no. I know. Dude, wait. Hang on. Are you in seats? Are you in like...

Nope. We are standing in a crowd. And you just lean on this guy. Yeah. And I look over... And he just stands there like singing along and like moving his arms but not like dancing or anything just to let you sleep on his back. Yeah.

I mean, bless that guy's soul. How old are you? Like 15. Jesus. And how old is he? I don't know. But he wasn't creepy at all. It was fine because he was just nice about it.

But then I look over and my friend's also sleeping on somebody. No! Oh my god! And then my other friend's asleep in the bathroom. What? And then mom and dad pick you up in the parking lot. They pick us up. And then we try and get hot dogs.

You don't seem well rested. Yeah, I know. I have an issue with falling asleep when I'm drunk. And then we like try and get like hot dogs. You don't seem well rested. Yeah. I have an issue with like falling asleep when I'm drunk. Yeah. We putting that together.

Yeah. And then like we go out and we get like those little like hot dog like glizzies. You know how they're outside. Is that a thing here? Glizzies.

This might be a California thing but like there's always like the little hot dog carts like outside concerts or like any kind of like stadium or anything like that and they have like the bacon wrapped hot dogs oh we don't have all that but there's definitely like you know like yeah okay and anyway so then she had 200 bucks and i guess she gave she paid 200 bucks for a hot dog because like they she was so drunk and they just took the 200 bucks oh that's grimy stupid of your friend

but so shitty of them yeah and then um yeah that guy still talks about that day absolutely everybody in your story talks about that child giving you know what 200 i bet you that the the the dude the guys getting slept on probably had a moment where he's probably like yo man so i was at this fucking g easy concert and this girl was sleeping on my back and i looked a few fucking chairs down i saw another guy like yeah bro these chicks are sleeping on her back huh yeah we woke up like that did not go well it was also like the first song that we fell asleep on their backs all right so tweet at us your top five best ever concert experiences and worst ever yeah uh i actually might want to change my answer i just remembered my first concert I ever went to

was Chris Brown with Fetty Wap opening for him. Wow. Wow. Like Pete Trap Queen time. Iconic. Trap Queen live must have been a moment.

For sure. When that came out, that was a fucking summer. I saw Jay-Z and Eminem when they did their tour together at Yankee Stadium, though. I watched it from the control room. Our buddy worked at Yankee Stadium. So he just let us in in front of the board and everything. Rap concerts are tough to really, like, rap concerts are, good rap concerts are hard to come by. You've got to be, like, iconic.

Otherwise, it's kind of tough. Got to go to Blue Moose in Iowa City. Voicemails today are brought to you by HelloFresh. You know HelloFresh is the only thing keeping John Henry alive. If you are a Feidelberg fan, and not even meaning like you're a fan of his work or he makes you laugh or you like his podcast, I'm saying if you're just like happy to keep this man alive on the planet Earth, you owe a debt of gratitude to HelloFresh

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Go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC14. Use code KFC14. It's HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. What's going on, KFC? Hey, I got a quick question here. If you can pick when you actually go through puberty, right, at what stage in your life or what age, what time frame, do you actually go through puberty?

What age would that be? You can start at 9, 14, 20, 40, 50, whatever age that is. What do you think would be the most ideal age looking at all the pros and cons? For me, I'm going with 28. The main reason for that is because i actually lived it i actually went through it i went through puberty at 28 29 i'm 32 now um i essentially grew up with low testosterone i didn't find out until years ago i started taking medication and then my testosterone was actually normal because of that i started going through puberty uh and since then

my life has did you say i took a vacation i got a divorce oh wait wait go back you got divorced to get married before my life has drastically changed i got a divorce um i got stronger my dick got bigger my voice got deeper um i have a lot more confidence now right in myself and my body this guy's coming to boston i can tell you A lot of comments Look at all that jewelry Bro we gotta bring this guy to Boston Yo The fact that

I love this story This needs to be a movie Cause this guy Probably found himself I guess he found himself a wife And he's probably this like Scrawny little dude Who probably got like bossed around and she fucking ran shit. And then he got some, you know, some fucking testosterone injected in his ass like Pat.

And he is now like, I'm a regular dude. I got a normal dick. I got normal like brain chemistry and confidence. And I'm going to go like live normal and fuck you, lady. That girl probably sucked. That girl was probably taking advantage of this kid who never went through puberty. See, I love

when questions like this happen. And they are two first thoughts are so clearly different. Yeah. His wife was probably mean! This is a Rorschach test for sure. And mine was, must have been sick to see your dick grow. Like, remembering seeing your dick grow must be awesome.

It must be like, you know when you're working out and like, but you look in the mirror in the day and you see results. Like, oh shit, my arm's a little bigger today. That's got to be cool. Like, holy shit, I thought I had a dick now i got a dick dude being 28 and having not no signs of like manhood is but that's crazy that guy seems pretty normal for all that by the way he's gotta be a lot of jewelry but aside from the jewelry the uh what he's wearing he's wearing an aggressive amount of jewelry.

He has two earrings, two chains, a bracelet, a pinky ring, and a watch, bro. And it's all rather baggy, so it's moving a lot. Zach puts on one earring and all of a sudden he's Mr. Jewelry. Yeah, I look hot. This dude, like imagine your whole life basically opening, like, starting at 30 or whatever. But do you think he didn't play sports? Because, like, I feel like if I – Yeah, you missed a good chunk. I mean –

But, no, I'm just saying, like, I would have – like, he didn't even notice. I'd be like, okay, these guys are men. Like, what's happening out here is – Yeah, I mean, this guy has shitty parents. In the shower afterwards, I'd be like, wait, what? Yeah. We are – we all look different, guys. What's happening here?

It must be, like, he comes from a family of this, so all the men are small, and it's just kind of like, yeah, we're just a tiny family or something. Because if he just randomly didn't have – like if Keegan all of a sudden was tiny and like, you know what I mean? It'd be like, this doesn't make sense. Your mom's tall. I'm tall. You know what I mean?

So I don't know how this slips through the cracks until you're 30, but what a fucking – I mean, that's got slips through the cracks until you're 30 but what a fucking I mean that's gotta be the biggest load off imagine the weight coming off where it's just like yeah man I'm just like this I'm like a chick I'm like a scrawny little fucking nothing it's like this is not your fault man all of a sudden you get some shots and you're like oh

his but here's the thing his logic his reasoning for why he likes it when it happened like yeah we all got that too. We didn't get married first. Yeah, right. He's like, yeah, I'm more confident. I'm happy.

I'm strong. Yeah, no, I got it all. I got it when I was 17. What is cool, though, is to recognize the gift of that. When you go through it, it's almost like, come on, where is it? That's true. And you expect it, but this is like, I never thought this was going to happen, and now it does.

That's a very cool feeling to go through. So, in that regard, that's the only upside of doing it a little bit later is if you somehow want the feeling. But the answer is just a couple years early because then you're that kid This is just fucking hitting dangers

But then you're the body and guys in the post I think I like to I think I think most people like where they were the real answer is just like right here Right where I was with everybody else so that you're not a freak too early You're not a freak too late, but I was I was late. Yeah, I was I was late and you would stay late I think so because it was was like, I wasn't 28, but I was old enough where like, I remember getting like hair. I remember, I think it says before, like the hockey team, like we threw a party. Fighters, pubes.

Yeah. I don't think that, in hindsight, I don't think that was puberty. I think you got a weird hair thing, dude. Yeah, that's probably, you're probably right. You were probably a regular guy. You just don't have hair. My mom did that this weekend. We were talking about how I'm hairless.

And she was feeling my legs. And my sister felt them. She was, what the hell? She was, last time I shaved was 17 years ago. No way. You and Polly really are the same. That's crazy. But the, what was I going to say?

If you can't choose the normal time, though, would you go early or late? If you can't – late. What? Because there is something to, like – it's like you're like, oh, fuck. Because you kind of – How late are we talking? You get that gift. If I could go – if I couldn't have – let's say it happened to me at 16, 17.

If I had to go five years one way or the other, ah, 12. Get the fuck out of here. That's what I'm saying. I'm not happening in the middle of baby bio. If I could pick, I'm going early, and I'm being, like I said, the kid who just runs shit in Little League and basketball, CYO shit. But that kid always ends up sad. He does, and that's where. You're like, no, you're thinking about it.

So you're right. So that's out. My new pick is late, not too late, but just like one summer late. You know what I mean? Where it's like when you come back to school in September and you're just fucking ripped. Yeah. And you're fucking rolling your dick out of your pants. There's a new bully in school.

Exactly. Like tryouts are this September and like, ah, guess who's the new captain, motherfuckers. When everybody thought You were like a scrub And you're like a little boy And you come in Nice to meet you I'm Dennis Rodman

Yes Exactly like D-Rod Yeah It's like a girl Who gets tits over the summer Or a kid who Fucking hits puberty over the summer You come back to school

And it's like Shit's changed Okay Whatever relationship you had with me It's different now It's over Man If you're a man

I want to fight you If you're a man, I want to fight you. If you're a woman, I want to fuck you. Welcome to hell. Next up. What's up, guys? Cole Raines here, host of the Nothing But Airtime podcast. I was on last Thursday talking about mixing up movie scripts. Today, I've got a question on.

I've got an idea. We were drinking at a bar tonight, Saturday night we do a lot of drinking but what amount of money would you pay for any amount of porn to be available for you my thinking is i think i can fix the national debt 30 million dollars 30 trillion dollars whatever it is think if everybody paid $20 a year to watch any amount of porn they wanted, that could carve into national debt if the government was in charge of everything. What amount of money would you pay for the porn you watch each year? Thanks, Viva. My guy wants to take fucking socialism and his first thing is porn.

The government's in control of everything. The very first thing the government controls in this kid's fantasy world is pornography. Fuck that. Bro. Fuck that. No. I'm not saying. No, no, no.

The only good communist is a dead communist, Kevin. No. The government cannot be in control of porn. Yeah. Let's not get crazy. That's nuts. That's nuts. That's one of the worst ideas I in control of porn. Yeah. Let's not get crazy. That's nuts. That's nuts. That's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard in my life.

Because that porn would be fucking really, really gay. It would be heterosexual porn that was so bad it was gay. Yeah, a lot of pussy eating. Yeah, bro. I want to watch Manuel Ferraro ice cream going up close and I have flown out to California watching a guy eat out a girl is the gayest shit in the world there is nothing gayer than that was he just eating

puss just spreading puss lip and you're doing it wrong you know you're doing it wrong for the camera you're like yeah you'll be able to see it so you're doing it wrong You're doing it wrong for the camera Because you're like You have to be able to see it So you're just like From the side You're like flicking it

It's like No one's getting off that man Gay shit dude Gay shit What's that dude What's that dude Pussy gay I don't think the government

Can own and control porn But The idea of Porn is the perfect thing I don't think the government can own and control porn, but the idea of porn is the perfect thing to charge for that you need, you want it for sure. It's pretty much a need, but you can't do it with food because motherfuckers will die and shit. People literally need to eat. My porn, if you said you gotta pay 20 bucks or whatever

a month or a year or something like that, a lot of people would pay it because they like their porn and you probably could fix a lot of problems. And if you chose not to, it wouldn't be like, okay, now you starve to death. That's a pretty good plan. It's a solid plan.

It's like anything else. We get free porn and then you pay for the extra porn. Like a Barstool Gold. Like a Pornhub Gold. You can still watch what you watch, but if you want the good shit, pay $20 or whatever. Also, you're going to get the good porn, and maybe starvation's cured. That would feel good. Every time you jerk off, you're like, I'm curing fucking starvation.

Yeah, but we're in so much debt that we're not curing anything. We're just going to give China all our cum money. So listen, the cum money for sure goes to China for the first few years. Kevin? For a long time. If you get hundreds of millions of people to pay a decent chunk of money, it's not that long. What are there, 400 million people in America? Yeah.

Something like that. So get like half them to pay for porn? No, you get fucking 10,000 people. No. Yeah. Something like that. So get like half them to pay for porn? No, you get fucking 10,000 people. No. Yeah. No. You would get 400 million people. Okay, so you got to wipe off.

Right away, you got to wipe off 200 million at least because they're just out of age. Right. Right. So like at least 200 million people gone. So down to 250. So we'll know we're doing. So you're like 13 and up, right? 13 and up.

But they don't have the money. They can't ask their parents for cum money. Well, make it more like a little donation. You know, it's like... You pay what you can? Yes. Like Wikipedia. Yeah.

Like, Pornhub needs to go like Wikipedia with the government. You know? The... But then, so... And then you got people who are just too old to... 40 million regularly visit porn sites. Okay. So 40...

And I said 10,000. So I'm pretty close. So let's do 40... So are we going to do a monthly charge here? Why is this 40 million divided by 12? That was like the... So let's say

40 million people, let's say 20 bucks, you want to do 20 bucks a year or 20 bucks a month? A year. So yeah, then in that case, so 40 million times 20 is what 800 million so 800 million dollars per year yeah i mean we need more than that that's why it's gotta be a monthly i think i think if you do like like 20 bucks a month to 40 times 40 million. Now we're talking about 9.6 billion.

You do that for a while. And we owe China what, trillions? We owe China like 3. Our national debt I think is like 100 trillion now. I think our national debt's gone crazy recently. We've talked about this before a long time ago. It is crazy to me

that China has not come knocking on our door like like when china does decide like yo we are collecting i will and by collecting they're going to do it in blood i will not blame them i'm like yeah like we we borrow how much do we owe china 1.1 trillion oh that's not that bad it really isn't okay isn't. Elon Musk's about to be a trillionaire. 7.2 trillion dollars. Yeah, but they can't kill us. China can kill us. How do we owe 7?

We are a poverty nation, bro. I remember someone said that when fucking Corona hit. And in two weeks, everyone went bankrupt. Everyone and everything went bankrupt. And people were like, America is on a minimum wage. They're on welfare with a Gucci belt. Everything. Bars were closing by me in

a week. We didn't make money for a week. We're out. What are you talking about? How are you closed already? I know. That was really wild. It is nuts that we owe $7. I thought we were supposed to be the country with all this stuff. Well, everybody gets a little bit of debt. Do they?

I have no debt. I am no net. I am. I can save my credit card. You have no responsibilities. You have no nothing. You have nothing to get. If you had debt, you would have a problem.

If I had debt, I wouldn't pay it. I guess I'd be America. Exactly. That's how it happens. But we shouldn't all be me. If people are like, yo, you don't actually have to pay that. You're going to pay that? No.

No. So that's kind of what China does. It's like, yeah, you're $1 trillion in debt, but we're doing like $100 trillion in business. I don't know how it works. I don't know how it works at all. It's crazy. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Next week, Jackie explains the national debt.

Jackie's eyes were off. When Jackie drifts off, she turns off. She has an off button. We unplug Jackie. Fix her batteries. Next up. Hey, KFC, Fights, Nick,

Jackie, Pav, Zach. So today I was at the grocery store getting something to eat. I was getting a sandwich. So the guy was asking me what I wanted on it. He asked me if I wanted mayo. I said, no, thank you. And then he proceeded to take his knife, dip it in the carton of mayo, and then spread it on my sandwich.

Not a big deal, but I didn't say anything, obviously. So this is my question. How far off does your meal or food have to be in order for you to say something? Thanks. You bet. All right. Seed the floor to you. I don't have an answer.

I don't have an answer. Bro, if I ordered a steak and you brought me soup, I'd eat it. Right. I mean, that's happened when you ordered, like, steak and you got chicken, right? And you're like, we're okay with this. Oh, that. Yeah. I mean, that's a no.

There's – because I don't – because food is just sustenance. It has to be something you don't eat at all. And that is pretty rare. Short list. Yeah. There is not very long. You put like oxtail on there maybe. And I don't even not eat oxtail.

I know the answer. I know the answer. It's got to be like something super spicy. Like where it's like I can't eat this. I eat spicy stuff. No, no, no. I'm saying like if you went to some place you ordered like some barbecue food and they brought out like the like this is

the one with the carolina reaper instead oh yeah yeah probably i'd try it i try it oh but i wouldn't i probably wouldn't finish it i there i honestly man like i don't know like i disrespect me i don't fucking care i get old i will eat whatever i i i it does not matter if you this guy went alex cooper on him disrespect me should we sell a disrespect me hoodie with it does not matter imagine if you sold disrespect me it's like this is not sexual bro i i i just say a font that says disrespect me and then in really small font get my food order wrong. We talked about this at a live show

and I think that people who think they deserve respect are fucking idiots and assholes. They're the same people who are racist. You don't deserve anything. What makes you think you deserve respect? What makes you think that person should listen to you because you're going to give them five bucks at the end of this meal? Fuck off. Here's your slop, you fucking pig.

Yeah, eat out of the trough, animal. You should tip because they didn't kick you in the head when they brought you the food. Okie dokie. That's where my fucking line is. Absolute psychopath. What a lunatic. If you didn't come out and go... Then I'm like, you earned your 20%.

Thank you, sir. Everything I've been here on out is just gravy. Did you see the taco sub? The racist thing. I want to hammer that point home. If you think you deserve respect, you are a fucking moron. I respect you even less for thinking you deserve respect. What were you going to say?

Did you see the taco Italian were you going to say? Did you see the taco Italian sub? Taco Italian sub? No. Since we're in the business of making these mashups, you took one of those taco shells that have the flat bottoms? Yes. Put salami and ham and all of that in the taco shell. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put the two pieces of tomato, put the lettuce, and then you put bread around that. They also put the mayo on the bread, though. You can't mix the mayo with the Italian sauce. That's got to be the oil and vinegar. You can't do mayo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I like it because the corn tortilla doesn't really quite match up,

but I like the thought process. I like where the head's at. Because the sandwich has been relatively untouched for a long time. I guess wraps kind of, you know been relatively untouched for a long time. I think we need to, I guess wraps. Wraps kind of, you know. But that was like a step backwards. We need to reinvent the sandwich a little bit. I'm going to work on that.

Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Movement. We're getting close now, folks. We're getting down to the nitty gritty. It is December 7th. We got, what's that? 17 days left? 18 days left before Christmas? So you got to get your presents in.

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They are roommates with Shane Gillis. They are the hosts of the Stuff Island podcast. They are Philly Garbage. I love how they came up with the name. I think they said it off camera. It was a name generator. Stuff Island. They're like, perfect.

Stuff Island. These two guys are fucking funny. And I said it before, but I know when I see it now. I know when I hear it when I see guys like DiStefano, when I first worked with Soder. Sometimes it's just like certain people have the gift of gab. Certain duos have the chemistry. Certain shows just have it and uh these guys got it tommy tommy put on a fucking like an mga nba jam type performance it was like

you're on fucking fire dude everything he was saying hilarious the chemistry with chris the perfect like dynamic between them yeah you could tell you could tell their roommates they are roommates who are like ready to kill each other. They're ATI. We rolled out of the interview, went right across to the studio to do ATI, and that chemistry kept rolling. So make sure you go watch the ATI, and make sure you listen to this interview. It is must-listen.

It's brought to you by Napjitsu. Now, not everybody can just fall asleep on the backs of other strangers standing in front of you. That's not always an option when you're at the workplace and you're tired. You can't just be like, yo, yo, come here. Let me just nap on your back for a little while. So actually, as a matter of fact, you can't nap at all in the middle of the workday. And so what are you left with? Some people drink coffee, some people drink energy drinks. And that not only is that a bad habit, but you also, it's so short lived and then you crash and you're way worse and way tired and worse off than you were before. So what do you do? You get down with nap jitsu. It's time release caffeine to keep your

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One more time, napjitsu.com slash KFC for 30% off your first purchase when you get that energy so you can rest and level up with napjitsu. It's Tommy and Chris. Let's talk to them. Not enough. We'll take them. You never have enough. This is so many waters.

Jesus. How fucking drunk do you guys think I am? We are like single-handedly killing the environment here at Barstool. It's rules. Is that hot? You can raise that. Make sure he's lower than I am. You got to stand up first.

Yeah, you got to get up. I haven't had a real fucking job in like 12 years. How do you feel? Can you help him? Can somebody help the idiot? Somebody get me a water. Thank you. I'm Jack.

I'm the fucking CEO of this thing. You can raise yours. There you go. Everybody can go. Tear off. I like your attitude. You're like, fuck this dude. Let's get him all the way up there.

These waters are nuts. It looks like a joke. I don't know how much money they're giving you. It's not enough. It's also a super wide mouth bottle. You guys, tell me. That's kind of good. You get the guzzle going.

You know when you really need it. These are perfect spitters. Yeah. Back in the day. Back in the day. I live with Shane. He would fucking run through these in ten minutes. Well, back in the day, I mean like August.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, last night he poured out a coconut water. I had a coconut water in the fridge. He just opens it, dumps it out, and starts spitting. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Those coconut waters have been in there for fucking 10 years. That's not true. You haven't drank one.

There's a row of coconut waters in the back that you have not touched. We should have talked about this before we got in here. No, it's perfect. This is the first time we've spoken. You guys live together? Yeah. It's just you two, or there's also... It's Shane.

And Shane. All right, so the three biggest idiots. Did we start yet? It's rough. Can or there's also It's Shane Alright so the three biggest idiots Can we start yet? Can we come back in? The three biggest dirt balls That is a hardcore trio Right there That's gotta be one of the funniest places in the world

To live right now That should be like You guys honestly That's why I wear cologne I don't stink I think, you guys, honestly. You can see my fart, but I get in on it. That's why I wear cologne. I don't stink. I think if you guys threw some cameras in there, like Big Brother style, and just live streamed that,

you'd get a lot of views. Shane was complaining about it last night. It's just like, it's all farting. It's all farting. A lot of noises. Yeah. A lot of noises. Yeah. A lot of noises from this guy.

That's it. Okay. So everybody sits down. Yeah, a lot of noises from this one. That's it. Okay. See, I get into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or when he sits down. I do it like, I'm like, I'll just bet. I was like getting my shoes on today. And I'm just like.

You don't realize. Yeah, you don't realize. Yeah, I'm hearing those old man noises. Like if I pick anything up, like. Yeah, I got to fight like a 20-year-old Mexican boxer. That's how I get old are you 36 yeah me too just turned 42 42 yeah so i mean like 30 i i feel like early 30s i was kind of like i'm not feeling so bad and then like mid 30s i feel like hit me like a fucking yeah yeah it's starting It's starting to fall apart. I was just like, I fell down the stairs the other day

like an old man. And as I... Like I fell, right? So I was like in the air and I had that split second where like time stopped and I was like, I'm going to break a hip.

Yeah. I'm going to have to go to the hospital for this. Dude, last year, I did one of those... You always see a viral video of somebody sliding down like icy steps.

Yeah, yeah. I did it out front of our apartment. Really? Dude. Those are rough steps. Fucking dogs fall down. I was like... Seven Those are rough steps. Fucking dog steps. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Seven rock hard ice steps. Tailbone. I fucking raked my tailbone. Yeah, I didn't. I hit like higher on my back. If it was my tailbone, I would have been. Do you remember what like a bruised tailbone feels like? I mean, sitting, shitting, anything.

It's just, you're done for like three weeks. Tailbone's touching the seat. What? No,itting, anything. It's just, you're done for like three weeks. Tailbone's touching the seat? What? No, just getting down. It's Bruce. Oh, you have no ass, though. Shut up. He's got no ass. No, I got no ass.

I'll shit on the seat sometimes. I don't even wear a suit. He's a centaur. That's why. He's got a fucking black lady-ness. I think I'm about to graduate to double XL boxers. Damn. Yeah, like I used to.

I'm like large everything. Like large what? Yeah, I got a fucking dumper on me. It's so weird seeing a white dude with a fat ass. It's weird. Is that where like a regular boxers are tight on you? Yeah, so like your ass cheeks are getting crushed. Well, that's all I can think because like I wearing a large shirt, large sweatpants, everything.

So I used to just wear large boxers. And I was always like my dick was all crunched up and I didn't really fit. And then I was like, all right, I think I just need to get bigger boxers. So I then started wearing XL and I was like, oh, this is pretty comfortable. And then I kept getting fatter and I was like, I can't wear double XL boxers, bro. That's a level that's just like I'm just going to be uncomfortable. Because it's not that my ass is uncomfortable, it's that my fucking ass then pulls on my dick and balls.

That'd be great. You had no ass, just a giant hog. Oh, you're on these? Yeah, I got you. Backward centaur, kiddo. Shane hit me with a midget body. You did? I was pissed.

He's bow-legged and he walks like an Asian lady. No. I do. I bow-legged, but what does an Asian lady walk like? Hands behind the back. Real slow. Oh, that's how, you know, that's a thing. It's a fucking umarelle.

In Italy? Yeah, it's in Italy. It's an umarelle. It is a, it's a legit. I can't look at your face and hear Italian curves. It sounds racist. It is a... I can't look at your face and think you're Italian curves. It sounds racist. It's a juxtaposition. It's like, what did he call me?

The fuck did he call me? And I feel like this is deep knowledge of the culture. You haven't even heard of Umarello. This is some weird shit. We found this out on the podcast like six months ago. It's how I walk, too, and someone pointed it out to me. And so an Umarello is an old Italian man who stands like this in front of construction sites. And this is an important piece of it,

offers unsolicited advice to them. You mean that. Yeah, basically. And then there's guys in China who they pull their shirt up over their belly. Yeah, they roll the shirt up. That's called like bangyi or something like that. It's just like old Chinese men who just expose their bellies like over their belly. Yeah, they roll the shirt up. That's called like bang yee or some shit like that.

It's just like old Chinese men who just expose their bellies when it's too hot in the summer. Is that like a power move? Foreigners are fucking wacky, man. That's fucking disgusting. No, it's not. That's a level I want to be at.

Yeah, that is. I want to be in a room with my belly. That's the last thing. Combine that shit with some Italian Chinese shit. Yes, dude. That's the last thing

our apartment needs is you with your fucking belly hanging out. As soon as you get the dude, like, I wouldn't take those shoes into the bedroom no more. They touch the New York streets, I take them off if I were you, but that's up to you.

Unsolicited advice. And the toothbrush in the shower thing, I would take that out, too. Anyway, Shane's gonna be home in 20 minutes. The toothbrush in the shower thing is one of the things I hate. You hate that. It's one of the things I hate the most in the world. That's the second time.

Dump some water on it. Dump some water on it. We got plenty of water. Dilute it. God damn it. We got a big shower. The toothbrush in the shower thing, I'm glad you hate it because it's honestly the thing I've seen on the internet that makes me the most angry. Yeah.

I've seen all kinds of- The life hack. It's not faster to brush your teeth in the shower. Yeah. It's because you're not soaping. Just soap during that time. Brush your teeth when you're out of the shower. Well-

It makes no fucking sense to me. If you want some unsolicited advice, we talked about this on Are You Garbage? And during quarantine, I shift it. And I'm a brush your teeth and shower guy. And what I do is I try and utilize the time for conditioning. So I put conditioner in and let it settle. So you let it sit while you're brushing? Nah, that's what I brush.

That's what I pound off. That's when you get the conditioner. You condition the hair while you condition your dick. You got a few minutes in there. What? No better lube in the world than conditioner. Was that whiskey? It was only a couple sips, dude.

Jesus. What was that? Huh? What was that? Coffee. Dips, man. Skull straight. Yeah, also this seat's a little high.

Thank you, bro. So wait, you are all Philly guys or no? Yeah. Yeah, okay. So when did you all start living in New York together? It's been a while? I moved here February 2020. Oh, guys.

Good times. I was like, I'm going to go into show business. Hey, Dad, I got news for you. I'm gonna go into show business yeah hey dad I got news for you I'm gonna disappoint mom I got here I think shit eight years ago maybe okay so you've been

in New York but then you guys living together is all relatively new then yeah yeah Shane and I have been living together for like

maybe a year before you yeah that's gotta be how it you all get along yeah no we all fight shut up we all fight non-stop it's great Maybe a year before you Yeah Okay That's gotta be How it Like you all get along Yeah Of course No we all fight

Shut up We all fight non-stop It's great Didn't we have a talk Before we got here Tommy takes his house slippers And he washes them in the tub And then puts them

Puts them on Shane's toothbrush In the shower Nobody else is gonna wash Anything around there It's true He washes dishes So fucking loud He splashes the silverware.

This is unbelievable. You got fucking balls. I knew he was going to do some shit like this. What are you talking about? Let me tell you something. Are you aware of what that is? Honestly, I think it's at me. This table with 17 fucking waters on it is what any table around Chris looks like

because he's never once picked up an empty fucking bottle and put it in a trash can. It'll stay there for eternity. Shame he's using it for spitters. I'm thinking about my roommate. If we left the house, you'd have to wait

for a fucking tree to grow through this thing and through our apartment for that thing to get outside. I do like every two days. I'll fuck you up

as soon as we leave. It's a setup, man. It's a setup. He was like, I'm just going to come too. I'm just going to bring you along just to do this. It'll be fun. He was like, I'm going to come too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He brought you along just to do this. It'll be fun.

It'll be funny. This is literally every day. He yelled at me about the cups. It's fucking ruined. Anyway, somebody pissed off the CEO of Under Armour. Body Armour. He must have called out and was like, I want all the water on the next KFC. Or else we're cutting it off.

Dude, me and McKeever. Sorry, I'm fucking running my mouth. No, let's go. McKeever and I. Still fired up about that coffee. You are in timeout right now. McKeever and I, when this company first came out, came to us to do a sketch. We started doing sketch comedy.

Body armor? Yeah. And they were no one. And they were like, we'll give you. Oh, no. Yeah. We had like two sketch comedy audio over here. Yeah, and they were no one and they were like we'll give you no Yeah, no like two or three viral sketches, and he's like we'll give you like you know well Yeah, we'll give you like three cases of I'm sorry what three cases Diarrhea juice I was like we already we were fine. We can get a Gatorade at Wawa

I don't need your fucking give us money. It And he was like, we can't do it. Ten years later, they're worth like a trillion dollars. Really? Is this in popular water? I've never seen this before in my life. The dude who owns this owns the Sixers? Maybe. He owns like a team.

He's like a billionaire. Oh, shit. I say that about any company. I'm like, hey, you own this. Yeah, this guy's got to make a billion dollars. He owns the Mavs. I thought you were going to say that they were like, you know, we can't pay you, but we'll give you like a half a percent.

You guys were like, no, I want the $5,000. I'm fine. No, I would have took anything. Anything but three cases. I swear to God, people could get me to do anything. This is four cases right here. For stock options? No, look at it.

Anybody who offered me anything right now that was like, I'll give you equity, I would take it just because I don't want to be the asshole like 10 years from now. I turned it down. So you could have like the biggest piece of shit company in the world, but I'll do something for you if you offer me equity. Bitcoin's got everyone spooked. I will kill myself if I ever miss one of those things. I miss Bitcoin hard. Well, we all miss that shit, right?

Everyone who's not annoying missed Bitcoin. Yeah. If you're annoying, you're probably in on Bitcoin If you're not Cause it was like I remember we had people here for like But they were all annoying Yeah that's what I'm saying

I don't even want to be on the same party as you If you guys happen to get rich I want to be poor I want to be the opposite of what you are At all times no matter what If this is being rich I want to be poor Cause they were so fucking annoying about it

We did start? Yes I swear to God Yeah we're on so fucking annoying about it. We did start? Yes. I swear to God. Yeah, we're on. That's all in there. I wasn't sure. No. This is the show.

This is the entire podcast. This rules. If that's actually, we're done. This rules. So thanks for coming. Oh, man. That was quick. All you did was shit on me for 10 minutes.

What are you talking about? Also, we kind of just glazed over. You said I had a slipper. You washed in the tub? No, he just came in with ammo for some fucking reason. What are you talking about? I don't have house slippers. I do have house slippers.

You do have house slippers. No, they're slippies. They're fucking New Balance slip-ons. They're rubber. I get down with some slippers. Do you wash them? Yes. In the tub?

Yeah. Well, you said no. It's not ammo. It's just the fucking facts of the matter. I love the shit you do. I swear to God. What did I do? We don't have enough time.

To address what I'm... Yes. Look, what do you want to say? Autism is a very... See, I'm very clean. I like to keep things clean. This kid is a fucking rumbling dirtball. He just picks up filth

and just lays in it. So I'm also filthy. Yeah. And there's something to when someone's cleaning up your filth. You're like, look,

I was going to do it on my own fucking touch. You know what? Just because you chose to clean it up right now is not... You're not better than me because you're cleaning

immediately. Did you see that viral clip of that coach on senior day crying when he was saying bye to all his players? No, I don't watch anything that makes you feel good. Okay, well, if I came home and I saw Chris sweeping.

Dude, hold on a second. Cleaning a counter or, I don't know, putting away a cup. I would be crying and clapping as As if my boy is leaving. I finally raised a man. Well, you clean like counters and stuff? Dude. What the fuck? Is this foreign to everybody here?

Dude, he comes in. What do you think happened? How much money are you fucking making? He is the garbage person of this podcast. Oh my God. He comes into the kitchen every day. He comes into the kitchen. He's like, look at this fucking floor.

It's a mess. I can't see a thing. I can't see anything. You've been on your hands and knees and watched floors. Like it's the medieval times. Yeah, I'm gonna get one of those. Those fucking cafeteria buzzers. He made me. We did it. He talks about it every day. Every time we see a janitor on TV, he's like, we need one of those. I'm fucking real. The balls are you. So wait, are you actually dirty or you eat?

You did because I made you. I'm sorry. Mom and dad will take care of it when we get home. The floor might as well be outside. Yes, that is ridiculous. What am I doing? I'm not eating off it. I see my kitchen floor every single morning.

I go, that is disgusting. Oh, okay. As you're trying to clean the kitchen floor, it's bleeding. I'm like, what the fuck do I care? I'm like, I don't know. It's the floor. Who gives a shit? It'll get on my socks, and then I'll wash the socks.

Yeah. Oh, my God. If you today came in, and you were like, the floor in your apartment is now like a teepee where it's just dirt, I'd be fine. This is shit. You know what these guys do? A couple of guys here, like, if they're peeing and, like, I don't know, miss the fucking bowl or drip. Bingo, bango. They just wipe it up with their sock.

Oh, my God. No, no, no. I do a little toilet paper. If it's a drop, if I miss the bowl, which is a rarity but occasional. That's why I don't even really get what happens when you guys do that. On the drip that usually ends up in your pants if someone ends up on the floor first. See this is another thing he does he just puts his dick back in his pants before shaking it all. You should see this guy just swap. I shake a little bit. A little bit. Occasionally I got like a full fucking like a full hose left Mid stream I don't do that the DNA on this man's clothes at this point

Yesterday no one noticed so fuck all you guys yesterday. I went to the bathroom during the podcast pissed myself and I came back in and I pretend I tripped so I had a reason to cover it I went oh my god that I can't believe bro that as if like what what would have happened would just been like, Feidelberg pissed himself again. Like, we just found the cum. It was too much. He had cum on his pants, and then he spit on his own pants. Yeah, couldn't take a second of his.

I will say this. You have a hose. Like, it's... It's a size or a stream? It's a stream. It's unnatural. I don't like pissing. He doesn't close the door.

He won't wash his hands. All you hear is... It's just It's unnatural. I don't like pissing. He doesn't close the door. He won't wash his hands. All you hear is... It's just a horse piss. You don't like pissing? I don't like pissing. It's a waste of time. I don't either. It's a waste of time.

I just want to get out. You guys want to fuck? It's crazy. When I piss, it's an emergency. I get up and sprint across my apartment. I still kick it over. You clean the counters? Stop.

Like, what the fuck yes It was genuinely I know that's gonna ring in my ears for like three months What do you clean like the counters to? Impress you like I think you doing like the dishes Hey, I realize you guys moved at the red sand Like fucking Mayweather probably just you know how they throw out every t-shirt dishes or something. Counters. Fuck it. I didn't realize you guys lived at the Ritz. Like fucking Mayweather probably just, you know how they throw out

every t-shirt they wear? It's like fucking get rid of it. I need another one, Marge. You do make the house a home though. You fucking right I do. Oh, look at you trying to come back in my house. What would it look like

if it was just you and Gillis? Oh, overflowing garbage. Mayhem. Is he gross too? No, he's not too bad. Yeah, he comes around. He comes around. For sure. He comes around for sure

He'll build up a stack and then finally get to it. Yeah, there you go. I'm very I'm like Messy but not dirty like I don't like food or like I clean the floors and the counters for like grimy shit But there will be like clothes and shoes and I guess like their toys are everywhere. Oh, yeah makes sense Like that kind of clutter. I just don't even say I got two kids still I sleep I sleep around shit on my bed. You what? I sleep around shit on my bed. Yeah, if I put clothes or some shit on my bed,

I'll kind of just throw the blanket over it and just get in. It's like if hoarders and intervention fucked. That's his life, dude. That's his life. Bro, I had a cleaning lady come the other day. She comes once a month And it's immaculate When we're done

And then Within I swear to god Like seven minutes The kids Ruined my house And I was like I'm throwing you guys

Out on the street I'm fucking good at this It was kind of like A metaphor for my whole life Like once things Finally get in good shape Wiped out immediately So you should pay the bills

Yeah Once a month Brutal Absolutely brutal So I Once things finally get in good shape, wiped out immediately. So you should pay the bills. Brutal. Absolutely brutal. So I saw your set at Town Hall. Yeah. Town Hall a couple weeks ago. And I guess we can... It was a long pause. I was hoping for a compliment.

I was hoping for a compliment. You didn't say it was great. We brought you in here because you brought a lot of stuff we wanted to talk about. The opening joke was great. It was. It was fucking... It was not the tag I would have used,

but I guess that's up to you. No, I'll give you a compliment and then I have a question. Who heard you? The bit about people in the South dying was the most accurate thing I've ever heard. I was ready to throw a party when people started dying from COVID. Like, good, funny.

Fucking deserved it. Thought they were going to get away with it, and they didn't. Did you really suck your friend's dick when you were five? Yeah. You really sucked your friend's dick when you were five? Bro, that's just guys being duped. Come on. What do you do, clean the dishes?

If that were the case, my dick would have a sheen on it, dude. I would have a callus on my burn from your lips. Did you guys, you ever jerk off with a friend? See, I didn't do that. I did that where it was like, we weren't in bed together, but I was on the floor, he was in his bed. And it was just like... I love when dudes try to normalize this. You don't be off in a circle yes oh so he's great

you're close to driving you're just having a problem I thought he had a good idea yeah good idea is to close the door think about sucking a dick I didn't have that I was like all this makes sense off the wolf. I didn't think about sucking a dick. I didn't have that. All this makes sense. You don't cum when you're five, right? I couldn't cum. Yeah, yeah. We were just sucking each other off for 45 minutes. Until a gummy bear falls down.

It was a long time. It felt like mom yells, like, come on. Yeah, no, mom came in. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Mom came in.

Mom came in. No. No. Saw you? Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. She ripped the covers off. We were under the in. Oh, mother-in-law. Mom came in. Mom came in. No. No. Saw you? Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, she ripped the covers off. We were under the covers. Oh, my.

So you knew it was wrong. Well, no. We didn't know it was wrong. We just. We didn't know it was wrong. We just. This is like kissing. This is romantic.

You didn't know. No, we didn't think it was wrong. Imagine being like, they're definitely working on a handshake. Oh, my God. Just blowing a little fucking peanut. She was bummed. She was bummed out. She thought they were. All right, all right.. Just blowing a little fucking peanut. She was bummed. She was bummed out. She thought they were...

I bet. And then you're off. She was bummed. She stormed out. She stormed out. I fucking bet. I was mad when my kids made a little mess. If I found my kids sucking someone's dick...

I'll tell you what, though. I had your mother's turkey gravy, and it's probably because of that. Because you need pain to cook a nice gravy like that. She's like, I'm so upset with Chris. Sucking some kid off. When we all first started here and there was just like a handful of guys, we were all just blogging. And a lot of blogging was always just like making jokes that were like very accurate for guys like our age.

I always thought of like the best thing you can do on a blog is have a guy be like, oh, I did that too. But every now and then you'd go like a bridge too far and be like, yeah, it's like, you know, the time that you all tickle each other's balls. And everyone's like, oh, the readers were like, nobody's tickling you. That was just you. I swear to God, I went alone to that show. I was looking around the audience. I was like, you guys too? For real?

Is this a thing? Dude, I've had like moms come up to me after the show and be like, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Because I've seen my kids do some weird-ass shit, and it makes me feel a little bit better. That's terrifying. That's so scary that if I swear to God in a couple years if I catch Keegan doing some shit like this, I don't know what I'm going to do. Wait, how old is Keegan?

Keegan's four. Just turned four. Yeah, Keegan's four. That's what I mean. I'm No, you can't. Wait, how old is Keegan? Keegan's four, just turned four. Yeah, Keegan's like, I'm doing a blow job city. Oh my god. That probably helps that porn is like more out there now. So speaking of. Oh, because if you offend him, you wouldn't be following him? No, yeah, the news would get to you faster that you want like a chick to suck your dick.

You know the five year old news streamer? I don't know. My newsletter, I open up my email and I saw. You know the five-year-old news story? My newsletter, I open up my email and I'm like, Sesame Street sucks, but let me tell you a story. I'm happy you said porn, though, because we just saw a video that I'm going to show to you guys. And the aftermath, he puked, like legitimate full-blown puke. And then afterwards was like i'm calling the police because it honestly was it's like when we were kids porn was like you hope to see like some

boobs yeah and some like missionary and then when you're a little older you learn about like anal sex you know now the shit that they're seeing yeah and this video this was on i'm gonna be dead honest with you i recommend not watching this this. Really? You have no choice. What could it be? It is a trailer. Wherever your mind's at, it's worse. It can't be two girls, one cup. It's way worse. Like I said, wherever your mind's at, it's worse.

It is way worse. I wish I had that coffee. It is a trailer for a movie that is like a porn parody, but I use the word parody like lightly. It's not a porn parody. It's not a porn parody. Don't call it that. It's like a horror movie. If a porn was like a horror movie, okay?

I don't think I can hear you. It's a minute and 11 seconds. Do you guys get squeamish? No. What? Do you get squeamish? No, I watch beheadings. Okay.

Oh, you watch beheadings? Yeah. You might be all right, but. There's a head in this one. Is that real calm? Oh. Hit this. I won't...

Charlie's in this? Yes, dude. This rules. This is great. Yeah, what's wrong? I don't see... Oh, okay, now we're getting there. Yeah. What the fuck?

Oh, no. Oh, it's a pro-lapse asshole she was sucking on oh my god oh no oh my god oh no oh no oh no that roll this is i'm actually that guy a whole head in there? The whole head! To be honest with you, not that bad.

I'm not even trying to... I'm not trying to... Fuck you! I saw it in your eyes. The shit. The shitting is the only part of it. They even had the courtesy to pixelate that a little bit.

The head is crazy. That was a head in the ass. That had to be like some VFX stuff. Oh, I didn't notice that. Oh, yeah. I don't know if there's some VFX there. That's legitimately dangerous. You could get stuck in there.

I mean, imagine if you, like, could you imagine being in there? What are you, a foreman on stage? I mean, look at that. That's legitimately dangerous. That's a stunt. I think that's real. No, I think that's, yeah, I don't know. These guys are faking it? I think it's like that finger

and thumb thing could you imagine being in there you open your eyes like I don't even open my eyes underwater When I was five When you were sucking dick I was like Practicing this When my dad did that for the first time I was like

Again? The fuck? I used to learn that I was always just like I don't get it I don't get it That was the coolest trick of all time That got your nose thing always

Because it didn't look like a nose at all It's just your thumb and your fucking hands You asshole What are you talking about? That was the coolest trick of all time. That got your nose thing always bothered me because it didn't look like a nose at all. It's just your thumb and your fucking hands, you asshole. What are you talking about? Yeah. It bothered me every time some fucking old guy would do that. Or like, I got this from your ear. It's like, no, that was in your hand. Yeah, yeah.

Fucking. Stop. I'm a child, not an idiot. That was disgusting. That was disgusting. But like, why? That can't like. Well, it's called...

It's from a... Are they enjoying that, you think? That got 17,500 retweets. How do you come across something like that? Yeah, how did you find that? So, Josh Wolf sends a lot of disgusting videos our way. This is from Josh's phone. No, it wasn't from him, but...

He never sends a shit to me. That's where I learned about, like, the prolapsed asshole life. But one of the guys here said, you know those Josh Wolfe videos? I got one for you. And I was like, okay. And boy, he was not fucking around. That's a head in an asshole. That's a foot in a pussy.

That was a lot of food. That foot in the pussy was... Is that not what a CGI? That's not real. That looks fake, too. That ain't real. You guys. I'm coming over to your side of the table here.

I think that they're... Because in the the moment I was like, oh my god that's horrific. It's just the foot's fucking real. The foot I think is fake. She was knee deep. You said so yourself. If the foot thing's fake maybe the shit is. Why do you believe her arm but you don't believe her foot? I don't believe her arm. I believe her fist.

What'd you say? The tissue around her leg wasn't like getting squeezed in. What are you talking about? The old form of pussy. If you play it back, I think you're going to see some lighting issues. The lighting on her leg is very flat. It's going into a pussy. There'd be a shadow.

They do a cutaway when you would see the foot entering. So she's got it right there And then it's like No they cut away But I don't know man Guys I mean Look at the rest of this shit We're going to believe all this

That I believe That you can't fake Some things you can't fake This is like someone explaining to a child That wrestling isn't real. What do you mean? What is that? I mean, the shitting in each other's mouths, I don't get.

I don't know. I don't like. That also looks like real poop, you know? Yeah. Like the two girls want cop poop, fake poop. That's real poop. I'd rather you shit my mouth than take me to a WWE concert. Oh, disagree.

Have you ever been? What? First of all, you're in no position to throw stones at anybody. I'd rather you shit my mouth than take me to a WWE concert. Oh, disagree. Have you ever been? What? First of all, you're in no position to throw stones at anybody. It also sounds like you want me to shit my mouth. It's such an easy evening. You can just plug your phone for three hours. We have WWE events.

Are they nice? They're nice. They're just fucking awesome. I bet they're fun you also gotta get like front row I went to SummerSlam it was my first time it was my first time

since I was a kid going to a WWE event I went to SummerSlam in Vegas like three months ago four months ago it was awesome

fucking alright sick we can cut that part out then right and then I went to Barclays I went to Survivor Series

this past week or two weeks ago unbelievable yeah it's like I mean like there's a lot of special needs people there there's uh And then I went to Barclays. I went to Survivor Series this past week or two weeks ago. Unbelievable. Yeah. It's like, I mean, like, there's a lot of special needs people there. There's most of you. You realize where you stand with society. We're like, so we all have the same entertainment.

What cancer do you have? Yeah, but I bet the energy's up. Yeah. It's like when you're in a bar on, like, a Tuesday at noon, and you're like, don't you fucking people have jobs? And then you're like, well, wait a minute. I'm at the bar too. It's kind of like that.

Look at these fucking losers. That's actually something that's blown my mind as an adult is how many adults are just out on a regular basis. When I was a kid, I thought the streets were barren from 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. I was like, you'll never see something like that. I thought fucking tumbleweeds that fell around and as I got older I was like

we just I used to see older people eating by themselves or going to a movie by themselves I'd be like that fucking poor guy

when I was like 13 he's got no one as I got older I'm like he fucking he's got no guy he knows exactly what he's doing

he just wants peace the movies alone the comedy shows alone just eating a steak At a bar alone Table for one Table for one is my favorite move In the world man

Yeah Especially if we do some work shit And I can like expense it I never end up expensing it But I feel like I am I'm like Oh yeah I'll take another

Give me this Give me that All by myself It's amazing I was always envious of those guys Anytime I like left school During the day And saw someone

Just not in school, I was like, oh, my God. What a life. Homeless people on the street, I wish that was you because you're not in school. It's like seeing a teacher at the supermarket on the weekend. You're like, what? You have a fucking wife? They let you out?

You don't sleep in a closet at school? Who was your worst teacher you ever had? Fuck. Oh, Miss Sandora. Yeah, you don't sleep in a closet at school? Who was your worst teacher you ever had? Ah, fuck. Oh. Miss Sandora. No. Miss Rupert. Fuck Miss Rupert.

Yeah, she was a bull. She was short hair. What grade? Eighth. Okay. I didn't play volleyball because I was playing baseball fucking hitting home runs and shit. And I didn't play on her dog shit St. Charles Volleyball squad And she held it against you Yeah

For the whole year Why were you like a stud God damn right I was Where were you in the Bro Volleyball's fire This is something That like

It was fun It was fun She was trying to recruit You know The guys that were actually Playing sports Outside of St. Charles Yeah

And she's like We need this fucking kid We need this kid And you said no Yeah no Yeah Volleyball's a weird thing To play as a guy

When you're growing up But it's I was gonna I know going to call it. I know multiple. Oh, co-ed. Yeah. Was it like a real league? What are we talking about?

No, St. Charles. It was a fucking Catholic school. Like a CYO, but it was basketball. It was volleyball? It was volleyball. CYO volleyball. Can you imagine? This is like in Philly.

My dad, even the counters? I'm fucking real. I can't get over it Dude he's talking about that For the next year It's crazy It's gonna be me I killed a guy from Boston

He said to me Even the counter I've literally never Touched the counter There's a piece of Burrito cheese here It's been here for a fucking Week and a half

No it's a rubber band The uh Oh it is a cheese I feel like fucking Volleyball is like a thing here What I've never met Someone who played thing here. I've never met someone who played volleyball.

I've never met a man who played volleyball until I came to New York, New Jersey. He's probably got cheeks like Chris, though, if you find him, dude. What does that mean? He's got great ass. The volleyball team had fat asses.

I thought you were talking about my actual cheeks. No one's ever said anything about my fucking cheeks. Dude, the volleyball team all had fat asses and they were wearing tiny pants, spandex shorts.

I remember being like, is this allowed? I'm going to go watch the volleyball game today. I start sucking my friend's dick in there. I feel like on the men's side of volleyball, they don't have asses. I haven't done research on why. No, I watched. I'll get to it.

He definitely wears something to get by. We will email you the results, guys. No, I watched Denmark-Greece. I watched Denmark-Greece in I watched Denmark-Greece. I gotta be honest, London, I'm with the male ass. I won't even Google what you just asked me. You're gonna be bird-dogging at fucking NYU.

Dude, remember last night? Hey, Tom, listen. What I said is correct 100%. The guys don't have cheeks. Dude, last night we were trying to figure out whether, like, people who have big nipples, like chicks who have big nipples on their tits, if they have... We were trying to figure out.

Jesus Christ. If they had them as babies. I've never seen a baby with big nipples. Big nipples, that's a great point. That's a very good point. So they grow into that? Well, maybe when you're a baby with fat areolas. If I had a dollar. well maybe I should like you a baby with It's like showing up there baby. It was too fucking first part My baby's tits

Some bad news Normal flat ass for a white male. Giant fucking Ariel. All that comes up is breastfeeding, obviously. Babies and nipples is just like. No, no, no. I don't want the adult nipples. I want the baby nipples.

Well, I guess it's probably just like when you become fat, you know, things stretch. So you got to become. I think it's like, I don't know. I just think some. When your tits grow, your nipples stretch. Some tit flesh stretches differently. Some people it kind of bags out, you know, like a... You're right, bud.

Like a bubble on a balloon. You're right, it's okay, pal. Bubble on a balloon, you know what I'm saying? We'll get in that point. Put a bubble on a balloon? No, you know when, like, one point just warps out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He'll stop, he'll stop. He'll run out of breath at one point, and then everybody can move on.

Wait, how did this come up? I don't know. He had two notes. He's like, throw Tommy under the bus for washing his fucking sandals, and get the nipple part out. Get it out. That's my fucking goal. Oh, well, success.

Yeah. All right, guys. It was great. Head out and check on those fat asses. Well, we were afraid to look it up, so I thought, you know. Well, this, I found this on Twitter yesterday. I breastfeed my fiance and feel sexier. Now, that's what?

So this is a Scottish man. What the fuck? A Scottish man is breastfeeding? His mom says she started to breastfeed her boyfriend because she feels sexier and more womanly when she's lactating. She has two children, ages 7 and 11, and she now breastfeeds her beau, Sean, twice a week,

and they find the experience highly erotic. I breastfed my children. I really miss the breastfeeding feeling. Why are you calling it breastfeeding? So she's sucking on his tits. But there's milk. Like, he's drinking the milk. Wait. Yeah. Is someone going to explain that this guy's got milk in his tits. But there's milk. Like he's drinking the milk. Wait.

Yeah. Is someone going to explain that this guy's got milk in his tits? Sean. No, she. He did misread it. He did misread it. He's sucking on her nipples. Bro, you almost went full De Niro with that.

You're like, I got nipples, Greg. And you're all going, yeah, well. My wife never did, but I get it. He is sucking on her nipples. This whole time I'm just envisioning her sucking on his tits. He first proposed the idea about 18 months ago after he and the girl engaged in a foursome with another couple. Oh, these dudes roll. That's the couple right there.

Oh, dang. Yeah, I mean. She's kind of like. Oh, wait, hang on. Yeah, no, she's hot. Yeah, whoa, all right. Yeah, I'll fucking. Also, how are you even that weird?

I don't know. I can do it once. I can do it once. You don't think it's weird? To suck on your wife's tits? And drink her milk? No. But for years.

You are despicable. For years. Oh, for years. Oh, I'm fucking, I would drink this chick's sour milk. Oh, you mean after like the whole time? The kids are seven and 11. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's weird. It's terrible.

Ah, you kind of left me on this island, huh? Wait, so you gotta, wait, wait, you gotta... Wait, he's an adult man. So you're talking six years, because don't they try out after like... Also, how do you fuck after drinking milk? We got a bunch of different questions going on. Yes. We got the same question.

That is so true. What do you not understand, Dave? Huh? What do you not understand, Dave? I don't have kids, so I don't have tits for it. I like the point. Bro, bro. I've had the kids, so I don't have kids for it. Bro, bro!

Dude, I've had the idea where I think nipples should come because I don't know when I did a good job with a nipple. Well, that's what the milk is. It usually hardens up a little bit. It's kind of meeting me halfway because I'll suck a nipple for like 10 minutes and I'm like, did that do anything for you?

She's like, no, clean the apartment. You want me to come? Clean the counters. The counters and everything? The nipple should stiffen a little bit. Yeah, well, I... Yeah, you gotta get it hard.

You get little boners on the chest, that's why you should come. Wait, hold on. This is my question. Yeah, that's weird. So, the woman will continue to produce milk as long as someone's sucking on it, right?

I think so, yes. So, your kid gets to like a year, you gotta go, all right, Greg, you gotta start... Yeah, now you can it, right? I think so, yes. So your kid gets to like a year, you got to go, all right, Greg. You got to start. Yeah. Now you can walk. You got to stop sucking mom. Yeah.

So unless you keep sucking, they dry out. Yeah. So this dude's been sucking her tits for the youngest kid, seven? Yeah. For six years. Yeah, it could be. Yeah. Every day.

Oh, no, wait. Okay. Michaels took to the internet to discover how she could restart her milk supply. And she reportedly found an herbal supplement that might help. After three days of taking the supplement, I had a drop of milk in my breast, and Sean started sucking to get the milk flowing. It's like when you're siphoning out some gas. Michaels stated without disclosing the name of the product she purchased.

She's a busty brunette, 34D. She boasted her breasts have become even bigger. On the days that she doesn't breastfeed, she says, I'm lucky they haven't leaked out while shopping. Boy, this is fucking. I think I'm in. I'm fine. She makes utter butter.

That actually turned me on a little bit. Yeah. What? Just a line leaked out while shopping. That's exactly what got me going. I was like, oh, shit. I was like, all right. This guy sucks dick, too.

We know he wants to suck on some Chanel. Get all hot and volatile here thinking about her going through the cereal aisle. Oh, shit. I realize she's leaking while shopping. Hang on. Maybe we rush to judgment here. Especially if she's still feeding the 11-year-old. How could you be disappointed in this conversation?

You showed us people shitting in each other's mouth. You're right. You guys are filthy. Someone's got their hand in their ass. How could you be disappointed in this conversation? You showed us people shitting in each other's mouth. You're right. You guys are filthy. Someone's got their hand in their ass. Literally. It wasn't real. It wasn't real, man.

This is the stepdad, right? They're not his kids? I think correct, yeah. He's a boyfriend. If you're with a woman and her 11-year-old is also breastfeeding, you've got to fight that kid. Yeah, let me take it. Let me get on the hat. No, you've got to fight. You've got to take it back and be like, look at it. Was it my turn? Yeah, this is time to fight dad. Yeah, let me take it. Like, let me get on the back. No, you gotta fight. You gotta take it on the back. Like, look at it.

Was it my tits? Yeah, like, this is time to fight dad. Yeah, that kid's gotta fight dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't have your stepdad drinking milk out of your mom's tits. It just, it's unsustainable. It's not sustainable. It's unsustainable.

This is not a realistic setup here. She's gonna come to her head. This organizational structure does not work. Yeah. You know, you can't have. It's like people showing up late to meetings and shit. You just can't. She's going to come to her head. This organizational structure does not work. You can't have... It's like people showing up late to meetings and shit. You just can't. The culture starts to fall apart. You know what this fucking guy almost tweeted about Brian Kelly?

He said something like, Brian Kelly's just salivating thinking about all the hurricanes down in the bayou. That's a good tweet. something like Brian Kelly's just salivating thinking about all the hurricanes down in the bayou. But I did it. That's a good tweet. That is a good tweet. Who talked you out of it? I mean, dude, outside of her, everyone in this room looks like a Brian Kelly. It's true.

It's just all freckled, doughy white guys. Yep, unfortunately. It's in vibe. That's right. That's exactly why he's going to be fucked down at LSU if things go bad. They're going to be like, we don't want this fucking Doughy White guy here anymore. Get the fuck out of here. But yeah, so you opened up for Cheeto.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've known him for a while. That's how we started the show, and then we just went 40 minutes of other stuff. Yeah. Shitting and dick sucking. That's what we bring to the table, guys. That's what we made a career out of You want more

Stuff Island Yeah Come listen to our podcast He's a Chicago guy though right Yeah he's from Chicago So you just know him through the business Yeah I met him So I came up through Helium in Philly

And they were sending me around And I did the Indianapolis Helium And he was headlining And then we Oh so like You just became boys Clubs will kind of like sign you in a way or whatever?

Is that what you mean when you say you feature? It's a middle work around a club. Yeah, you're like middle for it. So any club they own or associate with. They'll send you around. I've been pretending I know what that word means for years. Host 10 minutes, feature 20 to 30, headliner 45 to 60.

But when you're a feature, it's like within a network of clubs. Usually. And then you'll meet a headliner that'll take you if you're close. On the road with them or whatever. And they'll buy your flight or hotel or something. But if you're not, you're only getting like $100 a show. So if someone says, I want you to open for me in Arizona or L.A. or whatever, you've got to pay your flight.

You've got to find a couch to sleep on. But then you act like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm out there all the time. Oh, I got a buddy. Yeah. Fucking LA. Yeah, yeah. I'm in your neighborhood. Filth.

You know? I feel like the comedy industry has kind of had like a little resurgence. I guess not resurgence, but like, I don't know, through Netflix and then the internet and podcasts, I feel like it's kind of in like a little like golden era or whatever. But has that changed like money wise? Not for the Brian Kellys. I'll tell you that. Has it changed like the numbers and the business side of it at all or no?

I don't know. It seems to be going pretty strong. As far as like club pay and stuff like that? Yeah. Because it just feels, I do feel like there's more people thriving, more money going around, more, you know know with podcasting and internet viral videos and shit

that it would be more like yeah it sells tickets yeah I mean look at the you guys are more of a hot commodity now so like they should have to fucking

pay for that Foley and fucking Ryan they're selling out every club right because of their you know their show

yeah yeah it's definitely yeah it's better it's the best time ever to be doing a comedy show. By the way, Foley starts his workout regimen this week. I know.

Oh, does he? Yeah. Does he want you telling people? I got him with my trainer. What? Does he want you telling people? I don't know. Is this live?

Yeah, what are you talking? It's good. Why you got to do this, Chris? What do you want? I swear to God. His whole fucking existence is to piss me off to the point where like whatever you say like I don't think um no I'm just saying I don't know he'll take the opposite side of an argument just to fuck with you that's not true I actually believe me does he want you talking about getting

healthy he's getting healthy it's a good thing he's going to the gym it's gonna be great he no I think he does because he offers it up. I went to a concert with him with the whole Garbage Gang probably like three weeks ago. And I was just like, hey, how you been, man? And he was like, it's good. Started meal prep, been doing walks. And I was like, oh, right into the workout routine. I just meant like how's things going?

He's like, you're going to bring it up, so I'll do it first. That's the telltale sign Someone's not doing it Yeah Whenever I used to draw it I would always When someone says hi to me I'm like not drinking I haven't done cocaine in three months

Why what do you mean How are you You been working out Meanwhile I'm fucking Yacked out of my skull I got whiskey breath. Coke all over my top lip. Like fucking Tyson

at a party. Hey, hey, don't go. Not doing coke anymore. I'm going through waters here. Yeah,

dude, it's actually good. If you him in front of me It's like It's good that we got him Let's go Are you sure You want to tell people that You fucking cunt That's gonna be

That's gonna be the whole train ride home You seem to be having a good time You want me to put it on there I love you Yeah I just hate talking about working out I hate Yeah who gives a fuck about that man Well I fucking do No I'm very honest

No I think people should be embarrassed of working out Oh very much And never speak of it The people who make it like their identity Yeah You are so painfully uninteresting that the only thing that you can bring up or talk about or do is exercise? It's brutal.

You should see these people just sit in the gym for fucking five hours a day. And six, seven days a week. And they just look at their phone. Yeah. CrossFit is a compilation of dudes that were slammed into a locker their whole existence And never men's hours they get older like this is my chance to have camaraderie. Yeah That's the grouping so it hanging out has two big advances to play volleyball So yeah, it's like sports guys hanging out in the locker

So they go to the New York Sports Club because like this is my this is my team. Yeah, my team is my boys Yeah of autism This is my team. Yeah. My team of... My boys. Of autism. Yeah. And dumbbells. And everyone there is fucking 40 years old and trying to be like more explosive. Hey, that has nothing to do with it. The age has nothing to do with it. Why are you doing wind sprints with a parachute? It's like you're not going to fucking... Yeah, that is ridiculous.

Some of the things they do are just the worst part. There's, every like, once a year, there's a viral video of a guy who like, runs like a hundred

miles an hour on the fucking treadmill while his friends are like hitting him and pushing him. Yeah, yeah.

And they slam a fucking medicine ball into his stomach and then they, you know, they do all these dumb things.

Even deadlifting. What are you lifting over 300, like you're never gonna pick up a Hyundai Sonata off like a fucking neighbor. You're never gonna pick up a Hyundai Sonata off like a a fucking neighbor

you're never gonna need to lift that weight this is all highly impractical it's also you're gonna die you're just now you're living a life of like a hard laborer

I love when it's actually bad for you it's like yeah go run your fucking ultra marathon I just pictured you in a hard hat like the porn psycho

you know that's kind of dangerous this is obviously has OSHA been in here Porn Psycho. You know, that's kind of dangerous. Has OSHA been in here? This doesn't seem right. This ain't a union gig, is it? We're all just obviously not in shape and just hate fucking working out. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm just mocking you. He's probably going back to the gym, but I don't like talking about it. That's like just secret workouts. But then you also run into the part where you're an asshole where it's like, you've been working out? You're like, no. Yeah. You're lying about it? Yeah, you have. You're like, no.

It's like, no. Like, I can tell you look different. Like, no, I haven't been doing anything. I just fucking. Yeah. I started walking to work. Yeah, yeah. No, I quit drinking.

You want to grab a beer? You know what he's been working on? He's like, you want to do the podcast on the beach next week? You know that one comic that wants to take a shirt off? Guys, we're going to the park. Shirts and skis again at the park, guys. Kool-Aid pack, dork. One of my favorite all-time Tommy Pope theories.

What did you say? Bud Lighted his fucking skull. We've been doing, to give you a look at how much we're not the workout podcast. See that right there? See that Reese's peanut butter cup? Oh, I crush that every night. That whole bag. See the Sour Patch Kids?

Dude. We've been doing spicy peanut butter and jelly. What? You eat a peanut butter cup with two S uh uh sour pastas and it was not spicy you know it's like sour to it and it tastes exactly like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a little like kick to it and then uh i started doing i started doing bagels with buffalo chicken dip whoa now that i. Whoa. Now that I like. Change your fucking life. That I like. Change your fucking world.

Buffalo chicken dip. Yeah. It's the only thing my mother can make. Really? She gets so excited to bring buffalo chicken dip to a party. I was under the impression it was Irish and she can't cook for a fucking... I'll bring the Irish. I'll bring the Irish.

But it is always a hit. It is. It's the easiest thing. I make fun of it every time. It's cream cheese and buffalo sauce. But somehow people fuck it up. That's why when people get surprised by this, I'm like, that's buffalo chicken dip is with cream cheese type of fucking dip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so hard fuck it up. That's why when people get surprised by this, I'm like, that's buffalo chicken dip is with cream cheese type of fucking dip.

Yeah, yeah. It's so hard to fuck up. Yeah. You should try a lasagna. What? Uh-uh. Your mom's lasagna's bad? My mom's lasagna's so good.

Yeah. I eat it cold. It's because she caught you sucking dick with your... That should be your cooking show. Dude, you're ruining all of my mom's cooking You wanna learn how to cook Catch your kid Sucking off his best friend in the basement

Under the blankets And you'll learn my fucking recipe Click link subscribe And you'll get my cañi sauce You wanna disappear into something Yeah You wanna fucking stare out your kitchen window for eternity? You see a tiny version of your husband sucking a kid's dick.

Yeah. Meanwhile, she's just mixing, just thinking of you blowing it. And it's just one more dash of oregano. See you hunking on your little buddy. Oh, man. What a time. I don't even know where to go.

We should go to my mom's house. We should go to my mom's house and have some food. Mom, I got some more. That's right, honey. Don't bring them in the basement. We're just going to go

to my room real quick for a minute. Make sure I got my eyes on all your friends. Alright, so you guys started Stuff Island recently, right? Yeah, boy. A few episodes in, right? Yeah, like three. Three or four. It's Nazi.

Dude, getting him to do anything is impossible. Alright, here we go. You're going to have a fucking talk to him outside. He's been too sleepy fucking three weeks in a row. When do you do sleep? What hour of the day are we doing it?

8 p.m.? That's sleepy time. I was going to say, I get a little sleepy. If I get to 8 o'clock, I'd say, that's my bed time. I'll see you tomorrow. He wakes up at 2. Yeah.

You know? I'm fucking real. Get out of there now. Get out of there. No more pull-up help. All right, wait. Do you get up? Do you get up like crazy late?

What? If I go crazy late to bed, yeah. Look, you just shift your hours. I'm like a night nurse sometimes, all right? When you go to bed at 3 or 4, you don't get up until 11 or 12. You need your 6 to 8. We drink and watch The Sopranos until 4 a.m. pretty much every night. We've got a great existence, don't we?

That's a beautiful thing going on. No more Sopranos, buddies. No. I used to get drunk and call hookers to come watch The Sopranos with me and my roommate. What? We'd get drunk and we'd get a hooker for an hour. We'd come over and we'd just sit on the couch and watch The Sopranos. Okay. Me and my roommate. What? We'd get drunk and we'd get a hooker for an hour. We'd come over and we'd just sit on the couch and watch the Sopranos. Dude, lead with this.

This is great. Are you kidding? No, it's very good. What? Hold on. So you don't fuck or you just go, come here. This episode's worth it. Bro, for 50 minutes they thought we were going to kill them.

And then the last 10 they finally relaxed. They're like, all right, I think we just watched the Sopranos. Imagine bringing a hooker and watching a murder doc. She'll like this. No, no, wait till the end. And then you pay her and you're like, thanks so much. See you later. She's like, holy fuck, dude.

And her pimp's like, what happened? She's like, well, they just made me watch a murder doc. Dude, that's legit. Like, hookers have seen some shit and that's probably the scariest they've ever worked. Yeah, what's shit, and that's by the Maybe what's the problem We go on back page back on back page was still ripped you and what kind of cost do we talk couple I like to order Box oh my god. I'll fucking come over We just thought it was funny. I don't know why we thought it was funny.

It is funny! We were just dying laughing. At what point do you get a little horny though? Oh, we stopped because a friend came up once and fucked everyone. We were like, you desecrated the fucking joke, man! Carl! Don't touch the merchandise, Carl! He's like, hey Mercedes, you wanna go to the bathroom real quick? We're like, no, no, no!

She's like, fine! You broke it, you're fine, Carl! I was horny anyway! We had one rule, don't fuck up! He came out afterwards, it was like 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock in the morning, because we were all going to, and we were like, and he came out fucking naked,

cracked a beer by the fridge, like his day, we're like, did you fuck her? He's like, yeah Yeah I just fucked him Like This is ruined We need a new bed This sucks now She comes out of the bathroom

And is like I woke up this morning That is Yeah Terrifying I don't know how You guys should do that For Stuff Island

Just bring them over And film that. That's the next episode if you're not too sleepy. We'll see if the Patreon gets up there. We'll start bringing over hookers. A thousand subs. We'll watch the surprise. That fucking rules.

That is a great Patreon. Take that and do that. A thousand subs. A thousand subs. I'll fucking watch that. Yeah that and do that. I'll say that right now. A thousand subs. A thousand subs. I'll fucking watch that. Yeah, a thousand subs. So you fucking... It's a blessing they can take that.

Oh, absolutely. You guys have to get to a thousand fucking people. And we watch a couple episodes in a row. It'd be nice to have a different one. As the hour ends, you kick them out and no one shows up. The whole time I'm just going to be like... So we did it a few times and sometimes there was some palpable tension in the air. Of course. And then other times, we had one time

this chick walked in. It depends on how she looks. And she had to call the pimp and she was just like... laughing. She's like, yeah, nah, it's fine. These guys are not my problem at all. She's like, the camera's a fucking mess! But... At least it's fine these guys are not fucking mess in that sketch she Fucking make comments. I'm just sitting here eating spicy peanut butter.

The motherfucker's eating Reese's and Sour Patch at the same time. Weird motherfucker. St. Patrick's Day going up. There's a leprechaun putting two counts of candy in his mouth. I'm motherfucking straight. Anyway, you ever see Sopranos episode six? Season four, episode six.

Motherfucking started me in the middle of a season. How cruel is that? To start me a show in the middle of a motherfucking season? Suck my dick.

Holy shit. I think I'm gonna end on that note. We'll go do Answer the Internet. Let's go do Answer the Internet now because I don't think you can say it better than that. Stuff Island, though, when is it out? Releasing episodes every week. Wednesday morning we should get them out,

but we'll see. We'll see the fucking energy. Wednesday morning we should be getting them out. We'll see what happens. We'll see the fucking energy. Wednesday morning we should be getting them out. We'll see what happens. We'll try to get them to you. I know a Patreon's an extra episode or what? Yeah, yeah. Alright, cool. And we're also doing other shit on Patreon that... Yeah, I'm gonna cut his hair. I'm gonna cut

my hair. We're gonna do some cooking stuff. Yeah. Are you good at that or is it gonna be a disaster? He cuts his own hair. Are you looking at my wig right now though? He cuts his own hair by himself. That's pretty good. You do? Portnoy, our boss, used to cut his own hair. You looking at my wig right now, though? He cuts his own hair by himself. That's pretty good. You do? That's good.

Portnoy, our boss, used to cut his own hair, but it looked terrible. Yeah, yeah. And then he got some money and realized he looked awful, so he had people start cutting his hair. But that looks like a real haircut. Thanks, bud. Thanks, you bud. I don't take compliments well.

Thanks, you bud. Thanks, you bud. You do with scissors and clippers? No, just clips. Just clips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can, yeah. I do it like this. But isn't that impressive? Let me see the back.

Yeah, shit. Hell yeah, dog. And that's a couple days grown in. This is like a week. Yeah. Chris, don't try and get back in my heart. What are you talking about? I know what you're doing.

I know, actually, give me the puppy dog eyes. This is our relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all day. A couple days grown. You fucking elevate your voice, you pussy. Shut up. Still backhanded you in the elevator.

Yeah. All right, we're going next door. All right. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you. Bye.