KFC Radio - Feits Had a Perfect Father-Son Day Watching The Bruins Win The Most Games In NHL History Ft. Trevor Wallace

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:05:41 Go Vote For Polly 00:12:44 KFC has entered old age 00:16:49 Feits' goes to Bruins game with his Dad 00:27:21 Feits' dad will never look at him the same 00:45:29 Jury Duty Show with James Marsden 00:58:11 Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn break up 01:17:53 https://twitter.com/KidRock/status/1643090302410936323?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet 01:22:23 Pay Gap between Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey 01:27:24 Dalai Lama is a creep ++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you Barstool Store: Shop now at store.barstoolsports.com ++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This ends with mine and my father's relationship being forever changed. What did he see? Because... Would you not clean up or put away or what? If he took a t-shirt, which he did... That means he opened up a drawer.

From my t-shirt drawer. What did he see? That means he opened up a drawer. From my T-shirt drawer. What do you see? That means he opened up a drawer. Oh, no. And found my... It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. The KFC Radio one show only tour. One show. One.

Wherever we go. One. Is starting this month. We will be coming to, you know, hopefully all the cities near you. But we will be doing one show. We don't add shows. We don't release more tickets. We don't do that.

We're coming one time and one time only. So get your tickets. It starts off in Houston. Houston, you are our jumping off point. And our lowest ticket sales. Basically, everywhere else is sold out. Except for you guys. So do me a favor.

Houston, please up your game. When we came out there for the Super Bowl, that was the first time I was ever on television, was in Houston. So I have a soft spot in my heart for you. Please make sure I don't hate Houston. Please make sure you buy your tickets. We got to start off on the right foot. Seriously, if you are a KFC Radio listener in Houston,

you almost have a duty. Because if we kick off on the right foot. Seriously, if you are a KFC Radio listener in Houston, you almost have a duty. Because if we kick off on a shitty sales, the whole tour is ruined. The whole fucking thing is ruined. So please, if you're near the Houston Improv, if you're not near the Houston Improv, drive far and wide to come to the Houston Improv

on Wednesday, April 26th. It's going to be a time. We will make it worth your time. We will make it worth your while. We will make it worth your while. We are going to kick things off the right way. We will be coming in hot. And then from there, we go to Austin, Dallas, and then Austin. So get your tickets if you are in the Texas area.

Dallas, Austin, Boston, and Stanford are all there. Honestly, those are all sold out. There's still some tickets available. So if you're in those areas, go get it. We literally don't care about you guys. Those will be sold out. There's still some tickets available, so if you're in those areas, go get it. We literally don't care about you guys. Those will be sold out, so we don't fucking care. Get your tickets now if you really want to come. Otherwise, it's going to sell out anyway.

Houston, go get fucking tickets. One show, just Houston. Buy tickets. Presented by Pirate Water. The hottest drink in the land. That's not an exaggeration. That's not a joke. Yo, we got some numbers pirate water i would get on the train now because it's selling out everywhere we are

tasting new flavors already we had a taste test for flavors today which are all fucking flames i can't give you hints um i did tweet or instagram a picture so you could probably start doing some flavors guessing. But they're all fucking delicious. It's all so good. It is all put it on ice. The fire water people we hear, they were telling us people are pouring into slushy machines. Yeah, it is. That's an idea.

I would probably rip it right from the can. I don't know if I would put it on ice, but a slushy is a different game because that is like you're just getting shit based on like an ice pop. And to give you an idea of the popularity of Pirate Water, there are some major places who are going to be selling Pirate Water soon, including potentially athletic events. But – Like at the concession stands at the stadium? There are people who already want it. Pirate Water is on the brink of being like, we're going to give it to you or not. So keep asking.

Maybe we'll give it to you. Maybe we won't. How about that? How about Pirate Water be like, we'll tell you when we get to go up there. But I don't know if you've ever heard of these little festivals. Maybe called like EDC. A little ditty called EDC? A little thing called EDC.

Pirate Water at EDm festivals must be a trip pirate water pirate water is so fucking awesome like i i mean the drink itself i also mean the people who who work there they were like yeah do you guys want to come to edc unfortunately it is the same weekend as taylor uh so probably not gonna make that one but um they're like yeah we got well we got chopper saturday we're gonna to go all over EDC, all over Vegas. Yeah. Kevin wasn't in the meetings, but I like telling Kevin things. He's like, wait, what?

Pirate Water, hell yeah. Windy City Music Festival, Chicago. Pirate Water will be all over the place there. Not Governor's Ball. Rolling Loud, Miami. Pirate Water, all over the place. It's not even spring break. It's not even summertime break. And we are already ripping through cases on year one. It's not even spring break. It's not even summertime break. And we are already like ripping through cases on year one.

It's not even nice out yet. The one thing that I was kind of like, I mean, there's plenty of things we want to achieve still. But in seeing Pink Whitney and watching some of these other like drink companies blow up, having a beverage was a big bucket list thing and uh obviously we're doing this in conjunction with brianna and dana but to have a hit like this feels good that is that's that is some barstool career bucket list shout out for sales thanks for telling us it was doing well yeah yeah yeah j. Jesus Christ. You know, it's crazy. It's like we're in the dark. Like, I think this is a great idea. I think it'll probably work.

I think that's a great pairing that we teamed up with everybody. Maybe just one number. One time, say, hey, boys, you're doing a good job. Yeah. Fucking. Oh, by the way, you have like the fastest selling drink in America. Maybe let me know at the pup party. So, all right. Buy your pirate water.

Get your tickets. We also – One more thing. One more piece of business to take care of for the, I'll guess, 20 listeners in the Westport, Massachusetts area. Not even area. You have to be in Westport, Massachusetts. Go vote for my mom today. My mom.

Holly Feidelberg in the voting booth. On the ballot. On the ballot. For library trustee of Westport, Massachusetts. She is running. She is running against the incumbent. She is running against also. She's going to unseat some corruption.

Also a former library trustee. So it's her on the ballot with the former trustee and the current trustee. She's up against it. Go vote for my mom. I will be home tomorrow watching at the election party. God damn. I'm very excited for that. By the time you listen to this, I will already be home.

Bro, I swear if I didn't have shit to do tomorrow, I might come to that. That would be amazing. I want like balloons in the background and shit. Like everybody ready to rage. She's got some great ideas. Library trustee is in charge of all the books and everything. My mom has accidentally stumbled upon the hotbed of American culture right now. You got to decide.

Are we going to put Dr. Seuss in? Are we going to put Huckleberry Finn in? What are we going to sell – are we going to put Dr. Seuss in? Are we going to put Huckleberry Finn in? What are we going to allow in our library? And also, I'm very – I am genuinely proud of my mom and she's been putting herself out there. Dude, that is no joke. Like to run for something where it's like you can – people have to like you and vote for you or not. And like you might lose and when you're at that age and you're new to doing it like that's that you're putting yourself out there yeah for real and but like to be fair like it's a small town and it's you know rather small position no one really knows until now like again

like she wanted to do this before we should have been on the campaign trail for her earlier should have been beating the poly finalberg for trustee drum but in my head i was like you know i'm very i'm very proud of her. And again, I genuinely really am. But I, because I always see the negative and all that stuff, I'm like, she's probably going to lose. Like, it's not the kind of position where, and this, by the way, I'm telling this is how I used to think.

I have changed my thought on this. But the, when I first heard about it, I was like, she's probably, like, you know, it's not a position where you can do something so volatile where people are like, we got to get him out of office. Yeah. So I would think it's whoever just keep it steady.

The incumbent has a pretty solid shot to rewind. And, uh, and I thought that until I heard two things. First of all, uh, the incumbent pulled her aside and said, I think you're gonna get the most votes ever. And, and I guess there are two. And my mom's response was, it'd be an honor to work with you and i was like god damn that's cocky like um but the second and this is crazy there are three people in the ballot the cupid former trustee my mother running my mother polly but her birth name is

paula so she'll be on the wait wait so the incumbent said you're gonna get the most effort or the former the incumbent okay so she's like you're gonna mop the floor yeah wow what is she just so popular in town or something I get

I don't know she's obviously quite a likable person Polly's just that bitch like the fact that the library community is just like Polly's here

yeah look out Polly's here motherfucker but my mom is on the ballot as her birth name Paula well not birth name but she's still Feidelberg But my mom is on the ballot as her birth name, Paula. Well, not birth name, but she's still Feidelberg.

But Paula Feidelberg. Geraldine or whatever her name was, right? Oh, yeah. Geraldine. Also Geraldine. Yeah. Vote for the Paula. However, another reason I thought she's going to have a great shot is the incumbent's name is Paula.

And the former's name is Paul. So it's Paul. There's two Pauls and paul on the valley like we're library trustee and a shillelagh votes accidentally i was gonna say it might just be a third third a third because you don't know who you're voting for it's gonna be a deadlock paula versus paula versus paul that is insane in a town of like five i was gonna say this is what are the chances i actually weirdly enough i think it is a big town because there's so much land. But it is a – I do not think many people will vote in this election. That is hilarious. Westport, Mass, get out the vote.

Vote for Paula Feinloberg today. Get out. Fucking get your I voted sticker. Wow. Good for her, man. I can't imagine doing anything like that. Yeah. She said she's doing all this stuff now at 60.

She did it at 20, which I guess is kind of – I ran for class president once and it crushed my ego to lose. So I was like, what the – And never again. It's just such a blatant yes or no. Yeah. And I've said it before. The kid who beat me said I'll throw a big party if I win.

I was like, I'll vote. Are you due? We can have a place to booze on Friday. Let's go. But I tried. I actually had a fucking killer campaign. I made... I took baby pictures of me. Not baby, but...

We did. I had funny younger photos of me that baby but we did like i had like funny um younger photos of me that were like embarrassing or funny and then i had like a like the the campaign slogan or the joke related to the picture but because we i don't know if you did that probably i don't know if your school your school is so weird well i don't know if you did i don't really remember much we had the election i don't remember a lot of posters yeah we really remember much we had the election i don't remember a lot of posters yeah we like campaigned with posters and so i had like a i had a fucking marketing rollout and everything uh but like i think for instance one of them was like when i

was young i was a little kid and i had my dad i would wear my dad's timberlands or something like that and i said something like you know i have big shoes to fill or whatever yeah yeah but all everybody was like ooh and and on about like my little fucking cute photos and shit. And I mean I remember killing it and then the day of they were just like, no, you lost. Okay, well, I'm going to go kill myself. So I ain't doing that shit ever again. But I commend anybody who gets into any form of politics even if it's library trustee. You know what I realized?

Have you done jury duty before? I don't believe, no. I've never done jury, because I'm not, I never registered to vote at all. You're not registered to vote? I don't even think I'm registered to vote. I don't think I can vote if I wanted to. Really?

I can't vote because I'm not registered in Massachusetts. And I remember when people, there was a time, like 10 years ago, where people looked down on me, like I was immature piece of shit for not being registered to vote. And I kind of felt that a little bit. I was like, yeah, I mean like every adult does this and I just don't. And now politics has gone so far that I'm like almost proud. I never got involved in your fucking world.

But I think because I never registered. By the way, this is my mom's campaign policy for it. She has both names on it. Vote Paula, parentheses, Polly Feidelberg. Don't get it twisted. Just vote the Feidelberg. Vote the weird name. Yeah, that's, I mean, that is hilarious with the books everywhere.

It's cute. I think because, um i think because but i think because i never like registered in that world i never had because i by this point this is oh no you know it's just a reflection on your beard i have white hair on my beard really i did a video the other day i noticed it here in like the i i had like shocking, like shocked white, like right here is like white beard. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm getting old. And back there. The oldest moment of my life, dude.

When I left the Mets game the other day, did you see my Instagram stories? You left, you got there going fast. I got home. I went from Citi Field back to the Bronx in 21 minutes. I left right at the final out of the bottom of the eighth. Mets were up. Marlins suck. I knew they were going to blow through

one, two, three. So I did leave early. So I can't claim that I was there for the final out, but I was in the parking lot. It was great. I mentioned it. I was like, I think I might dip because I got cold, by the way. It dropped like 30 degrees. And Clem was like, yo, I might – yeah, let's do that.

So it was one of those like, boom, final out of the eighth. Dap it up. Everybody take some pictures. Goodbye. We like leave. And as I'm leaving – like as I'm outside the building walking to the car, I hear the roar of the final out. And now I'm like, I got to get to my car. I got to book it because everyone else is coming.

And I got in there and I just hit the parking lot exit and I'm home in 21 minutes. You can't get – if I told you like run down the block right now and get a sandwich and come back to me, you couldn't do it in 21 minutes. You know what I mean? Like you can't – and you're talking about being in a car in New York city, doing anything in 21 minutes. There are times you can't get through a light. You know, it goes, you're stuck in traffic for like red, green, red, green for like three rounds.

You need 21 minutes. I got out of a ball game, out of the parking lot, onto the highway at back of my house. That is, and the, it, the joy that it brought me, I was like, Oh at my house, 21 minutes. That is. And the joy that it brought me, I was like, oh, I'm an old man. I mean, it's officially like Costanza, like trying to make good time. I was like, I'm thinking to myself, I was like, this is a once in a lifetime moment. This is never going to happen again.

I will remember this forever. Where were you when Kevin made it from Queens to the Bronx out of a baseball game in New York city in 21 minutes, it'll be a jeopardy question. It was, it was spectacular. I think Mark Marin has a bit about that, where he's talking about one of the greatest concert experiences he's had in his life,

but later in life, later in his life, like compared to what it was. And I forget what, so he was at a stones concert. I forget what song it is, but it's like I heard Satisfaction from the parking lot. There is something very freeing

about like there was a time where I would be like, I can't leave the game early. Yeah. People might judge me. I'm still a don't leave the game early guy. Don Like people, people might judge me. Now, if I'm still leaving, don't leave. Now, don't leave.

If you're losing, if you, if you, if you're up six, one in the eighth, yeah. In fucking April baseball. Totally.

It's funny though. Also, like if I was down six, one or whatever it was five, two, six, one, whatever,

I would be more inclined to stay because if they hit a grand slam to walk it off or something like that, then you miss that yeah yeah if i if i'm there for the the blown save against the marlins in april like fuck you know what i mean so they're and and you know if it was the playoffs i'm not like frank fleming i would never leave a playoff game early like there's there's certainly times but just certain things that are like you know these rules you make up for yourself that you're not a man or you're not a real fan or you're not a tough guy or you have to do the shot. You have to eat the hot sauce.

You have to whatever. It's like now I'm just like, no, I'm not doing that or I am doing that. Whatever the fuck it is, I want to do, you know. So it was. Yeah, that was probably the greatest moment of the weekend maybe the greatest we're gonna move my life there's no one in my life that's that's where we're at on that one there it is it's like you could ask me what's the best thing that happened in the last six months to be getting home from a baseball game fast

well i i got home from a hockey game exceptionally slow yesterday um this is a great move that you and your dad did yeah i love this move from your dad just hey let's go witness history i had i had an all-time day yesterday so so the the my dad we're talking on the phone saturday afternoon and i had never been put together the idea that the bruins were in philly like it hadn't even crossed my mind my dad was like you're doing sunday well i mean it it's not... Why would it be? Just because it's close to you? You would know if they're in New York. But if they were going to break the record

in fucking San Jose or something, you couldn't... Right, but it hadn't even crossed my mind. Like, oh, it's only an hour away. And so Saturday night, we're talking and I was on my way to go see Air. Unbelievable, by the way. Highly, highly recommend Air. It's fucking great.

Hour 50, never drags. Fucking awesome. Air's a great movie. I'm going to go see it at least two more times at theaters. I can guarantee you that. Wow. Also, Ben Affleck looks like Ari Shaffir. Just so everyone knows.

Ben Affleck looks like Ari Shaffir? Yep. Watch Air and tell me I'm wrong. Wow. Don't tell me I'm wrong yet. Watch Air. That's a great... That's great for Ari.

Yeah. Tough for Ben Affleck. Shitty for J-Lo. He definitely like lost weight for the role. He's playing Phil Knight who's a runner. He'd grow a honker of a nose. He has like – it's like right here. He'd grow a huge Jewish nose.

Ari has like this sunken in here a little bit. I think Ben like lost so much weight that he's kind of like a little – and he has kind of like a – God damn. Like kind of like an old school Ari, like a little Jew fro-y hair. Poor Ben. But anyway, so I'm talking to him. I'm walking to air.

I'm talking to him on the phone. And he's like, what are you doing tomorrow? I was like, nothing. He's like, maybe the game. And I was like, oh, yeah. I was like, it is Easter. He goes, I forgot about that. And I was like, yeah. Which is weird because my dad goes is Easter. He goes, I forgot about that. And I was like, yeah.

Which is weird because my dad goes to church. My dad's a church-going man. Yeah. And he just forgot about Easter. And so he's like, I'll call you because the devil, they had to be the devil Saturday night for that to happen. That was an 8 p.m. game. My dad's like, I'll call you.

We'll see. I'll see what your mom's doing with Easter, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'll never hear from you. Okay, catch you later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I do. First of all, 8 p.m. game. I knew he's not even going to be awake to see if the Devils win, if the Bruins win.

So he's not going to have any idea whether he should come or not because he's not going to know how the game went. Right. And so it went to air Saturday night. Oh, yeah. Out tomorrow is episode two of Out of Order. Go watch that. Saturday night we yeah Out tomorrow Is episode two Of Out of Order Go watch that Saturday night We were filming

Bro the way people Talk about Out of Order The guys who are in it Like on it Like working on it Is like If If I were to walk in

The studio And be like Did you You know like And Pat The way Pabst talks about it It's like Yo did you see last night's

Episode of Thrones You know He's like yo We did an episode of Out of Order today. The excitement level from guys that I trust, they're funny. Their level of – their sense of humor. They talk about it like it's a show. Like it's – I mean it is.

But it's funny to be like, yo, this episode, this sketch, this segment. John did it. Like when you know that it's genuine it's like because i mean think about it we everybody's made a ton of like funny shit here but to get when a producer is like yo let me tell you about this thing that's you know it's fucking fire it's episode two is way way way better than episode one really way better i think so again as someone who's as someone who didn't watch episode yeah yeah yeah dude go watch episode one by the way if who didn't watch episode one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, if it's... Go watch episode one, by the way. If you don't watch it, you'll have no idea

what's happening in episode two. It's all connected. Oh, okay. That's cool. No, no, that's a total lie. Oh, okay. I'm just trying to get views up on episode one.

That's a bit of a weird... No, no. Any other show, any other series, you know, it'd be like episode two, you know, all right,

first episode was good. Like, I'm sure they'll get better episode two there was never a thought of that i was like if if out of order stays at this level forever you're good you'll have a hit yeah i hope so so for people to be like it's way better that's fucking again in the room i don't know in the room we were laughing a lot fucking hard i i laughed because i was sending owen i always just send owen ideas for segments i don't know if i can ever act in any of the sketches but I feel like I have a ton of ideas for them. And one of them I said like, you should do this XYZ.

We'll get John dressed up all fat in some fat suit and fat makeup. And he sent a picture back and you were in a fat suit. I was like, all right. Even better. Let's go. We're already doing it. I have regrets about the fat suit for episode – it's in episode two. But in the pictures, I was like, I don't look all that different.

I didn't want to say anything. Was that a fat suit? No, it was just a fat belt. Okay. I was like – I was talking about getting like a fat suit. Yeah, like making you into a fat person. And I was like, if that is like a professional fat suit, that's unfortunate. Dude, there's unfortunate. Dude, there's one picture.

I'll show you this picture. Um, I was like, that just looks exactly like me. That's like when Ken Jack does the fat Frankie's. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, is that just Frankie after a bad weekend?

No, come on. You're fat. You're fat. You're fucking fat. I know. That's the problem. it's funny the uh but anyway so bruins beat devils saturday night we are on location in new jersey filming our sketch and obviously i don't hear from my dad he's fucking been asleep for four hours and i was like whatever i'm not gonna go who cares wake up sunday morning wake up at like 9 30

to a text my dad sent at 7 44 i think it's and it said um let's go witness history let's go to philly witness history on my way see you around noon i woke up at like 9 30 and saw his text i was like what if like we can never made any kind of concrete plans at all it was like if you went out in taiwan on the night before you might have been fucking waking up at 11, 11.30. He got there at 10.50. He was way ahead of his time. Wow. I was going to say 7.45.

Yeah. That's half of a trip. Well, and have this. He sent this text after Easter Mass, and he said he was sitting in church. 6 a.m. Mass. He went to a 7 a.m. Mass, and he was like, was like I was in church and I was just like I got to be there. Let's go. He's like I got to be there.

I love that, man. That's – I mean your dad is pretty young and literally young and then like young at heart. Keeps – stays in shape. He's not like an old guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But nonetheless, like I don't think many people at his age are looking to like on a whim go to fucking Philly to watch a game, you know? And the fact that he's doing that and – I mean I don't even know how you feel about it. But like being a dad now, like doing something like this one day I think is like awesome.

Like for every son that's probably like, oh, fuck yeah. Let's just go to the game. Not realizing that it's your dad being like, I want to do this with my son you know yeah like this is right as as fun as it might have been for you a mate 10 times more amazing for him i will admit i'm tearing up a little bit right now yeah um that like at the game at the for people who don't know um the bruins were it was to break the record for most wins in NHL history and so we're at the game pasta score is a fucking hat trick

which took him to 60 goals which took him to 300 in his career you saw like 4 landmarks I don't know if you saw this I fucking went to the box office after the game. Got a ticket?

And I was like, let me get a ticket. Yeah, that's cool. Let me get a physical ticket. That's cool. That's when you know you saw some shit. And so I was like, dude, my dad got one too. This is like 63rd win, never been done in history. Pastas, who's going to score a million goals in his career.

His first time hitting 60. First time since a Boston Bruins hit 60 since 1970 something. There's only two people in Boston Bruins history. It's a team that's like 100 years old. It's an original six-day agility. There are two players in team history who've scored 60 goals. It's Phil Esposito and fucking David Pasternak.

He hit 300 on his career. It's an unbelievable game. We're watching the crowd. And by the Bruins... Bobby Orr was a big Bruin? He changed the way... He never scored 60? No, he's a defenseman. He was a very offensive defenseman was a big Bruin? He changed the way – yeah, yeah. He never scored 60? No, he's a defenseman. But he was a very offensive defenseman.

He's like the first. And he changed the way the game of defense was played in hockey. Right, but he's not putting up 60. Yeah. And the Bruins became this – they now – you have to win the Stanley Cup, but they now have the chance to become the greatest team in hockey history. Like they have officially opened that door. They can be the greatest team in hockey history. They have officially opened that door. They can be the greatest team in history. What did they dethrone, by the way?

The 1995-96 Detroit Red Wings. I would have got that right. I would have got the year, but I was going to say Red Wings. And actually fairly recently, 2018, I think, Tampa Bay Lightning. Yeah. But the game, it was never close, but it was always close. Which makes sense. Which actually kind of sucked.

That's what sucked about being in an away game, is that it, you know, the Garden would have been going crazy. The Garden would have been going nuts. And they were Saturday night, because that was to tie the record. Yeah, yeah. But this was like, Philly's

a shit team this year. Any other time I'd be scared to wear a Bruins jersey in Philly. Right. But like they wanted to lose. They want a better draft pick. They want a chance at Bedard. So like everyone was cool. I actually sent a tweet during the game where it was funny where like they were never actively rooting for the Flyers.

They would just boo whenever Let's Go Bruins chant started. Yeah. We got to save face a little bit here. It was never really a tight game. It was always close, but it never felt close, so there was never that tension that you usually get in a big game moment. By the way, shout out to Game Time

for the tickets. Once I woke up and saw his text, I texted our sales team right away. I was like, I need two to Philly. Hooked it up. Bruins scored. They were up 4-2 with three minutes to play, four minutes to play, five minutes to play, I think. And they scored. They lead 5-2. And it's like, all right, game's officially over.

Like, whatever. So now, like, Flyers fans start emptying out. It becomes a Bruins home game. And people were cheering and stuff like that. We were sitting. We got great seats and I started to tear up there because I was like I looked at my dad again I'm getting like a little emotional right now but I was like this is a lot cooler I thought it was gonna be like this is history this is I don't know obviously that's the team right that's like

we've had these tickets my whole life like that that's – I was very excited the whole time but I was never like I'm going to get emotional. Emotional. Yeah. But then, you know, unbelievable day and we get back and my dad had mentioned – he's like, am I going to crash with you? And I was like, cool. And then we get back and I was like, yeah, yeah. And then we get back and he did stay with me last night. And I was doing, yeah, yeah. And then we get back, and he did stay with me last night. And I was doing laundry the day before.

So I, as my dad, I'm like, you can take the bed. I'll take the couch. And really quickly, he was like, cool. Yep. And I was like, all right. I thought you were going to push back a little bit. I thought I was going to have a chance in my own bed and so and the bed wasn't even made so i had to get the sheets out of the dryer and then make my bed for my dad but then so i sleep on the couch last night and i wake up this morning like eight eight thirty or something like that

and he had just been i looked a little like those two stairs to the porch in my room to the balcony and i guess he had just been sitting on those stairs and so the moment i wake up this morning i just get like yep yep i guess he didn't want to wake me up so he's like your dad he had just been like sitting the room sitting i just been sitting on the bed while i walk in and he's just sitting on my stairs in my bedroom and i was like that's that's what they do what's up man he's like nothing is there coffee around how are you even sitting there for fucking waiting for coffee such a dad move but anyway so then he i get in the wi-fi because he's got to work today and so he's doing zoom calls like that and i was like hey i'm gonna run'm going to go to the gym real quick.

I got a meeting at 1030. I'll be back in like 45 minutes or so, and he's like, oh, good, blah, blah, blah. So I go to the gym, come back. My dad's all showered. He's put together. Now, he came to that game. He came from church. It was a complete whim, so he didn't have a toothbrush.

He didn't have clothes. He had work stuff in his car already because he never takes it out and then but he had no change in nothing and uh he was like he's like hey you know i i uh i took some stuff i took socks underwear and a t-shirt just a plain white tee, plain white socks. I didn't take anything big. And I was like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And went to take a shower myself. And that was at 9 o'clock this morning. It's 4 or 7 p.m. as we record this. So for the last seven hours, I have been thinking how despite what a great day we had and like just a great Father-Son day, this ends with mine and my father's relationship being forever changed. What did he see?

Because – Would you not clean up or put away or what? If he took a t-shirt, which he did. That means he opened up a drawer. From my t-shirt drawer. What did he see? That means he opened up a drawer. Wow.

And found my clone of Willie. Because – That means he opened up a drawer and found my clone of Willie. Bro, I don't keep it even a little bit hidden. I took a picture so everyone could see. Dog, dog, it's not even a little bit hidden. I took a picture so everyone can see. Dog, it's not even a little bit hidden. I leave it there like it's You had me in tears a few minutes ago. I thought for somehow it was going to be a sex toy.

Like, I don't know, one you use with a girl or something. That fact that it's a clone of your own dick. Yo, those guys got more advertisement out of you than I know, right? I think about it now where I think of him getting out of the shower, pulling over my t-shirt. Again, I think of a picture. I'm sure it will be in the video. It is impossible to miss. It's a big purple fucking tube.

It's a big purple tube. Do you think there's a chance he doesn't know what it is? I don't think so, Kevin. I think what he thinks is he's staring at it going, My son has a break glass in case of necessary dick clone. What the fuck? I think what my dad's wondering is, is that a regular thing I do? Like any woman I sleep with, I just make her a mold of my fucking dick.

My dad is sitting at home right now wondering how many of those has he run through? My dad, I imagine my penis isn't that much different than my dad's. He's wondering how many of my dicks are out. You know what he was thinking? He was like, I already did clone a willy. It's yours. I fucking made that one. Yo, that is so unfortunate.

Talk about like a magical night gone wrong. Like Cinderella, the clock struck 12 and your dad found your clone a day. Bro, we're driving home together. He's waiting for me at home right now because we're going to drive home together tonight for the election party tomorrow. And I'm like dreading a three and a half hour car ride because it's going to come up. It's got to come up. What is the worst? is that the worst thing dude it can't be much worse what what a severed head maybe i was gonna go a severed penis is worse if your dad found

it would have to be something like dark like bad like your dad finds out you're a nazi or something but as far as like embarrassing thomas's friend you have a billionaire and you're a nazi what if he just found uh what if he was like i'm just going in to grab some boxers and he just finds women's underwear and he's like my boy wears underwear women's underwear would that be worse no I don't think so what do you think

I kind of feel like if he found like that you wear bras and shit I think your dad might be like what the fuck at least there's like an end game well what about this yeah you clone your dick and you fuck a chick with it. Hang on, though. Let me flip the coin real quick.

What if that's someone else's penis? Yeah, I was thinking that, honestly. Wait, oh, he... I didn't think that until later. You're thinking that he... That this is a boy's dick. That either I use on myself or I use it with a woman.

Right. I don't know which is where it's there. Wait, do you, is it the case or? No, it's just the case. I've never made it still. I'm still waiting for the right woman. So in the off chance that he,

yeah, it's like one day I'll make this for somebody. I'll give her a ring and I'll call him a dick. It's my grandmother's ring that nobody wants. It's a family heirloom, Matt. I brought it up with five girlfriends now. Everyone's like, I'm all set. All right, I'll put it back in the T-shirt drawer then. Put a pin in that.

I want to come back to that for a second. But you think he picked it up? Now, here's the deal. Because if he was looking and grabbed it and was just like, oh, this is not funny. Like, if there was just a fucking ceramic dick in there, I think he'd be like, holy shit. But the fact that it's a kit, at least it can be like – it hasn't – you haven't put paper mache in your dick yet. But that's what I'm thinking. Maybe he's like, I have a stock.

Right, right, right. I'm like Jeter with a signed ball. It's like anytime you leave, it's like, here, sweetheart. I know you're going to want this later on. That I think – I don't think he'd go that far to be like he does this all the time. I think – I mean I'll be straight up. It's crazy that you put it in your T-shirt drawer. It fits perfectly i remember one time getting uh a a somebody i was dating found

something and uh it was in my underwear drawer and my mom was like you put some of your underwear drawer like everyone knows it's like that's like the cliche place you know what i mean it's like a t-shirt drawer no one thinks that i was gonna say maybe you're you're slick like a fox like crazy like a fox and put it in in with your t-shirts where everybody like is gonna open it up to borrow a t-shirt but maybe they're not gonna expect a clone to take in there that purple is so eye-catching oh man that is so fucking fun now i will say this to hundreds of thousands of people when i was a child I went to my dad's closet to get something

I don't know what I went to get a belt or a tie or some shit like that and in my travels I stumbled upon a like roll the dice do a sex mission game and I told no one about that and I played it fucking cool

until this moment right now. So how about this? How about this, fucking dad? Give me 15 years before this comes up again. Fair point. More than that. Give me 20 years. I'm 34.

How about just take it to your grave? I bet we don't ever have to talk about this. I remember when I was probably in like fourth grade, me and my brother and then there was another pair of like two brothers who like lived nearby. And our parents all got together, which I'm now looking back on. It was probably like throw the keys in the bowl. Let's get loose and fucking party. And we were like spying on the parents sort of thing like you know where you think you're being slick and you're like hiding behind the the stairs and they're like absolutely

no you're there but i think eventually they got a little you know too drunk and we like really were kind of hidden and they were outside we're like hidden in the bushes and they started to talk about uh like purple lingerie basically They're talking about like matching purple underwear or whatever. And I remember being like, we got to go. We can't like, game's over. I don't want to hear this. I don't know. Like we were joking around about eavesdropping.

Too far, too far, too far. Yeah. And then as soon as it was like, all right, the parents are talking about, you know, purple lingerie together. Like we got to go. We got to fucking go man uh but your dad finding your clone of willie is top top one percent of things you don't want your dad finding that is that what's worse a dad finding his son's clone of willie or his daughter's vibrator

you think i i think there's a level of like like you know you don't want to see it but like you know your your daughter's gonna grow up and be like a sexual person you know uh your son cloning his dick with paper mache is not something that you necessarily have to accept is going to be happening yeah my my father absolutely thinks I'm a pervert. And your father is correct. There's no longer any question in his mind. My son's a fucking pervert. Do not get it twisted.

We are perverts. We are the only people. If you ask anybody about a clone of Willie, the only people that would know a story, it's us. We're the only people who tell these stories. We're the only ones who have dick cloning stories. Okay. So we're perverts. And then cats out of the bag.

Well, there it is. It's official. I had my suspicions, but age and he finds a appropriate enough sex toy. Right. Like if you open up the drawer and you find your daughter's fucking dragon dildo, that's like they're sitting on a parking cone or it's like a full fucking machine. Or you squeeze it and it hits you with a cone. What the fuck? What is she, a pervert? If that happens, we've got a problem.

If your dad finds like, you know, the rabbit or a Lilo fucking regular vibrator or whatever, you're not happy about it. But I think you can close the drawer and like block that out. If your dad finds like a 12-inch tentacle, maybe. But your dad finding his son's clone kit is pretty bizarre. That's some new age shit, man. That's some new age shit that he's probably never – That's what – like even that –

He might not – I mean clone a willy is pretty – but like he might have been like – I don't know what the fuck that is. But even like a vibrator or something like standard like that, you'd see it and go, oh, I know what that is. Never mind. He probably picked this up. He's like, what the fuck is it? Like this thing is huge. Clone of Willie. Wait.

Oh. Hang on. Did you what? That is – You need to use a mixing bowl for this sex toy. There's a time limit on this thing? That is so... Clone of Willy needs to not...

Thought we were having one kind of trip. It turns out it's a different one, Paul. That is fucking hilarious. To go back to what you were saying about you got through multiple girlfriends with this Clone of Willy. Where do you stand? On no joke, I've probably pitched

this clone of Willy to six different women. It remains unused. And they showed no interest or you were like, I'll get to it and you never did. Everyone was like, he's one who wants to make plans that you don't really want to do. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll get to it. They were like, yeah, do it Eddie's one who wants to make plans that you don't really want to do. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll do it. They weren't like, yeah, do it right now. I need to walk around with this thing forever.

Next week. Next week we should definitely get drinks. Where do you stand on like if you have sex toys and you have like a significant other you use them a lot with when that relationship ends do you have to like get rid of those that you use them a lot with. When that relationship ends, do you have to, like, get rid of those? I think you should.

You should. Yeah. That's what I, yes. Do you? Have you? Well, I don't really have any sex toys that, like, I keep around. Usually I bring the condoms. Yeah.

Okay. Do you actually? No. You got HPV. Get over it. You wouldn't even make the gesture of like, I brought these, but come on. No, I honestly would not. I wouldn't fight someone. I remember a girl being like,

come on. You don't have any? i was like i don't i like but i remember being like okay like we're not like we won't have sex tonight like i'm not gonna i'm not one of those like i refuse to put it on but like if we're both like let's just be cool about it well this girl very much like kind of put her foot down and i don't know expecting me to like okay i was lying or let me run to the store. I was just like – I'd go to the store. I mean – I would not.

I mean – If I was in Tulsa, if I had to get in a car, probably not. But in New York, I would. I guess. Yeah. I mean if you could like just walk downstairs and go to the bodega on the corner, maybe. But I was just like, okay, I don't know. We'll do mouth stuff.

I don't know. I don't get why that doesn't – you don't require a dental dam for me to fucking do this, do you? You're okay with what was happening five seconds ago, weren't you? Did you bring a condom? Why? Are you pro-life? Next time I look big, what, you have AIDS? Why are you telling me I need to wear a condom?

Like an old gangbang over here. Make me wear a rubber. I just make sure they have multiple partners. I don't know whose it is. All right, fine. It'll be his problem. As long as I have plausible deniability. I'm not the only person you're sleeping with, right?

Okay, no condom. You're promiscuous, right? There's a lot of dick in that pussy? Okay, I'm going to run through that now. As long as I have someone else, I can pass it off. You're actively having sex with somebody else? Okay. Just what I wanted to hear.

Yes. The polar opposite of every man out there. Great news. Dude, she's pregnant. So what? She's fucking five other guys i feel like if you have a sex toy like if if a girl has a vibrator that a guy uses like on her or with her and then he goes like she can keep that's her vibrator that just other guys get like multiple –

Yeah, yeah. But if you're a guy that has sex toys at your house for a girlfriend, when you break up, it's like that's her – it's like one pussy per toy. Yeah. But like multiple hands can use it. Right. But it can't be going into multiple people. I think that's fair. But like multiple hands can use it. Right. But it can't be going into multiple people. I think that's fair. I think, again, that's what should happen.

I'm sure there's people who buy fucking expensive stuff and they're like, we're going to wipe this down. Yeah. I'm going to put it back in the box and, oh, look, it's new. I'm sure that goes on because that shit can get expensive. But I feel like that should be the rule. I think it's fair. Like if you're just popping butt plugs into multiple people, that's crazy.

Well, I actually, it's a long time ago, but I use the butt plug and the girl was like, this is, you haven't used it before. Right. And I was like,

no. And I was being honest and, and that should be weirder. Like I just have had it on the ready. Yeah. It just happened. I it's, I'm being dead serious with you this is brand new isn't it bizarre to you that i have a brand new plug why did you have it it was like i had had a girl you were supposed to use it and like whatever

yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like no i just have these fucking ready to go girl girl. No, I get a standard shipment. Prime knows once a month. Yeah, with the lights, of course. No, it's got the jewel. It's got the little jewel on the front. That's hilarious. Anyway, earlier I mentioned how I've never had jury duty. And hopefully I can just keep escaping. I've also, you know, I've heard like everybody has to do it.

And if you don't, it's like a felony. I've been told I have to go to jury duty and I just didn't. So that's what I'm wondering. It was in Massachusetts. I'm wondering. I lived in New York and it was in Massachusetts. I'm not going to do that. I'm wondering if I missed it, like, because I lived in New Jersey.

I lived in New York. I had multiple apartments here and there. And I don't even open my mail even when I know where I live. So I'm like, do I just miss this and everyone has lied to me about the ramifications of that? Or have I never gotten jury duty? And the only reason I started to think that is that I know I've never registered to vote. So maybe that's how they know if you're in the system that way. I think I just accidentally registered to vote.

I think I just did it when I got my license. Yeah, I think you have to check a box, but I don't think I did it. I was like, I don't want that shit. I was like, Oregon donor. I was like 18 years old. I was like planning on it. I'm going to be a good person. But is that what makes you in jury duty?

Or is it like having a social security number that puts you in jury duty? I'm pretty sure it has to do with voting. I would think it's registering. Yeah, so I think I don't have that. Anyway, this is all to say I'm watching watching this new show jury duty and it's about to pop it's about to say as you there you know it's hard to explain a show funny yeah and and it sounds just describing it makes you laugh let me look i mean every time i open up homeboys uh profile he goes up another like 500 followers. So he's about to really grow.

It is a social experiment type show, reality TV. Everybody is in on it except for one guy. So they put up a Craigslist ad that said, if you need extra money, we're going to be doing, which there's got to be some sort of, like to me, it would be like how do you know that I got jury duty? I guess it's like we're here for this case. If you get called for this, in addition to we're also doing a documentary if you want to be a part of it. You know what I mean? Because like how would you know if you were going to make a movie, you don't know what case you're going to get assigned or whatever, right? I don't know.

So anyway, they said on Craigslist, you can make extra money. We're doing a documentary on the criminal criminal justice process. So, you know, here you go. And he, he signs up for it and everyone else is an actor,

including like James Marsden. The actual actor is playing himself. And it's like, yeah, even, even celebrities get called to, to do jury duty. And then there's like old women and young, black, white, weirdos, normal people.

And the shit that goes on, I've only watched two episodes. And the shit that goes on while these people are in court or deliberating or whatever, it is fucking hilarious. And this dude, his name is Ronald. Legit Ronald. I think he name is Ronald. Legit Ronald. I think he goes by Ronald. And he is, Jackie, he's just like the nicest dude. He's just like, I think girls are about to love this guy, right?

Like, gonna love him. He's a tall, good-looking guy. And he's just this genuinely, like, he's taking the process so seriously. He's, like, talking in earnest about it. Does he think this is how jury duty always goes? Like, you need confessionals and stuff? No, I think he knows it's like talking in earnest about does he think this is how jury duty always goes like you need confessionals and stuff no i think he knows it's like a doc like like it was like you can make a few extra bucks i think that's what he even says like i i did it because i just need some extra money or whatever um so he's like because that was my first thing was like this is so funny and he's taking it so serious that is he an actor too? And this is all a story and we're the ones getting played.

But I think the whole story is like, I just thought I wanted extra money. So I thought I had to like do confessionals and do interviews and give my thoughts because he's being really serious about shit that is ridiculous. Guys, there's a guy who straps crutches to his pants so that he can have, he calls them his chance because they're chair pants.

So he can sit down whenever he needs to. There's a heart attack at one point. The judge like cuts his hand open when his car gets robbed. Like crazy shit is happening. And the whole time he's looking around like this is fucking nuts, man. He has an interaction with James Marsden. This is what was crazy to me he didn't he was being honest and james marston was like yeah man like you know i'm i'm in movies i'm an x-man i was in the notebook and and he says i'm in sonic and ronald says to

him he's like oh really man i heard that movie was a piece of shit. No way. Imagine saying that to somebody? And then he comes in. Sonic, by the way, was great. He comes in the next day, and he goes, and this was weird, too, because this is why he's so perfect, because he's, like, honest,

but he's also a little bit, he's humble, he's a little bit weird. He goes, I have to humble myself before you, James. I watched Sonic last night because we had our interaction, and it was a great movie. It was great. I was wrong.

I remember walking out of Sonic for the first time, going, oh, interaction, and it was a great movie. It was great. I was wrong. People were wrong. I remember walking out of Sonic for the first time going, oh, that's going to be a mega hit. Yeah, mega hit. Because I enjoyed it as an older person. I've made it younger. Yeah, I mean, kids must have fucking loved it. Yeah, to say that, bro, we've had a billion guests on this show by now.

Everyone's everything ever was fantastic. Was the best. Oh, I loved it, dude. I loved it. So it's on Freebie. I watch it on my Amazon Fire Stick. I think Freebie is like part of Amazon. Yeah, it's on regular Amazon.

Okay. So yeah, you can just watch it on Amazon Prime. I think there's eight episodes. I'm only on like two and I'm already like, this is brilliant. It's fucking a masterpiece and they're only two episodes in.

So we have Marzen coming in to promote it. So we'll talk to him about it. But I'd love to try to get this Ronald guy in as well. He is. That's so funny. That's just the way the world is. And James Marsden is coming in. Hollywood heartthrob.

And it's like, I'd love to get that random dude named Ron. He's got 5,000 followers. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, James. Happy to be here. Where's Ron? Where is Ronald at? I mean, he is as regular of a guy as it fucking gets.

Like, Ronald Gladden. I mean, he's got like. You see him? I mean, his Instagrams are mostly like his dog is him on the left there. Oh, yeah. I can see him being like, you know, what's weird, though. Do you watch The Secret Life of Sex? The Secret Life of College Girls?

Do you girls watch that? There's one dude on it who is not famous, but that show is a hit on hbo max and he's like a prominent one of the boyfriends in it so i was like wait a minute that guy's an act and he's not playing an actor he's he's he's not like i'm an actor he's playing a person i do think they might have filmed this a couple years ago whatever it was but there's only one guy that was like kind of recognizable. This is the chair pants guy. He's so fucking weird. And things happen like there's this old, old woman and she keeps falling asleep during like deliberations and shit during opening statements. And the judge is always like, you're the foreman. Like, wake her up, wake her up.

So he keeps like tapping her and he like gets called to approach the bench. He's like like i'm afraid that she's missing testimony like we have to keep her awake and he's like what do you want me to do i can't how do i keep this woman awake and so i said this guy ronald was i'm sure that they did research and and and interviews to find like an impressionable person that this would work for yeah and it's a smash hit so i i would never be so cocky to say i i have a better idea but you would be perfect i mean think it's like it's like you gotta just be the biggest pushover who has no desire for any confrontation, who would never be like, wait, what the fuck is going on here? You know, like like how far could they take it for you to just keep being like, I don't know.

I guess this is a wacky jury. You would do it all if it was some guy. This guy is literally he's he's trying to sit down with with crutches on his pants and he's like knocking things over and I'm thinking somebody might be like, what's going on here? Dude, what the fuck? Right. But I feel like John would be like, oh, the guy's got crutch pants on. Yeah. What's going on here?

And they make him be – if some judge called you and was like, i heard that you are like the best we have you're the foreman you wouldn't stop it right no you would you just i mean it's all you need all those things for the people no oh you know it was great i would never ever speak up about it i don't even want to spoil i don't want to spoil too much but the the one guy they're trying they're in the first day they're all trying to get out of it and they're like do you know what to say like what to do and ronald's like i mean i don't know i just the only thing i ever heard is an episode of uh family guy where peter says he's racist like that's crazy and so they they go through uh all these other jurors they're

like is there any reason you can't be a good juror? And one guy is like, I'm sick. One guy is like, I have to take care of my kids. One woman goes, you know, it's just not for me. And the judge is like, you're dismissed. And they're all like, what? And then the one guy steps up and the judge says, is there any reason you can't be a juror? And he goes, I – and he's looking back at the guy the whole time and ronald's going no no no no no no no no no and the guy goes i'm racist and and then he has to like recant it

and be like i just heard that somewhere and the judge is like did you hear it from someone and he's looking back at him and he's like, no. It's so fucking funny. Is it weekly or is it all out? It's all out, I think. It's all out now. It genuinely has a chance to be like, I think, one of the most talked about reality shows.

And what's wild is it's just him. I mean, James Marsden is going to come in and promote and shit, but he's already famous. These other people are kind of like no-name actors, but they also don't get the shine that he gets so you go on the bachelor like everybody gets instagram followers everybody gets famous it's gonna be ronald it's just ronald so i wonder if it's like um like jury duty propaganda or something because like now i want you want to do jury duty, you would be amazing. It's state TV. They're going to see people requesting Jury Duty. Jackie would be fantastic as a juror.

You'll environment fine. Imagine? I don't know. Oh, you would – I would just not know what's going on all of a sudden. I don't think I would – You know what? You say that, but like – It kind of happened with Survivor where all of a sudden. Like, I don't think I've ever – You know what? You say that, but like –

It kind of happened with Survivor where all of a sudden you got sucked in and you were playing the game. Yeah, I was like – I could see you being like, okay. Like, no, no. We got to play by the rules. We got to like do everything right here. I want to go to –

Call me in. I want to go to New York. You hear that, New York State? California, whoever. I don't know how that works. Call in Jackie Nichols. We got Trevor Wallace on the show today. Who's he?

His roast of Burke Reicher. He posted on Instagram that it was so fucking funny. He just murdered. It's like, I'm so happy you're here and not on a plane or a boat or a fucking mountain or literally anywhere that your family is. I worry about Roast of Burke because I feel like that's going to hit real close to home. I don't know if I want to see that. It's just, you ever get a ghost of Christmas future

when you roast? Which I should be so lucky, but I probably won't be so lucky. Yeah, you'll be all the bad. You'll be all the bad part without any of the good stuff. If you want to watch that, by the way, it's out on OnlyFans. I think Whitney produced it, Whitney Cummings.

And the deus of people is, like, fucking unbelievable. So go check that out. But Trevor's on the show. If you are not merged up right now, fix that in the Barstool Store. Go to Barstool Store. Go to store.barstoolsports.com. We have tons of merch in there. We're going to get more for the Bruins playoffs, which I just mentioned, in the Game Time app.

We have the Sad Boys Season 2 quarter hat flying around. Sad Boys Season 2 anorak jacket. That jacket is flames. Olive green. Campy beat. April shower is going to bring May flowers. Make sure you have your premium anorak jacket. Sad Boys Season hoodies.

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Get it now. You're welcome. All right. One minute man topics. Your girl, Taylor. Single. Single. Singy for the summer um i can't stand that the reaction is just like well the

music's gonna be awesome uh bro anytime they're obviously certain artists um adele taylor um it's basically those two um maybe you could put a little but drake never has public relationships but drake has that emotional music anytime they break up it's like best album all time about to draw the way shut the fuck i hate that man not even because it's like part of me is like that's trash like i don't know six-year relationship breaks up and your first thought is like i can't wait to hear your yeah i want you to make music for me about it. So fuck you. But also – no, it's mostly that.

That's also what it is. Fuck that. I mean it is what she does, so I'm sure there will be a bunch of fucking songs about her or whatever. But she also – I mean she – and I take great issue – not great issue, but I take some issue with the people who get mad about it with Taylor. It's like, what else are you supposed to, like, I don't know. You could apply it to this podcast. Like, oh, something happened in fights. He's like, he's probably going to talk about it.

I think the only thing. Okay. Here's what I would say. And I know she's made, she has made some songs about this. But I think – and it's probably a male-female thing in some way like if you were to stereotype it. I would like to hear more songs about like her fucking becoming the most successful pop artist in the world. Like I think a male – maybe it's more of a rap thing that I come from. You're more of a mastermind guy. Yeah, and I think it would – if you – like Drake talking about like I'm the fucking best in the game.

You know what I mean? Like I – 25 sitting on 25 mil. Like here are all the things that I do. Here's what I dominate. Here's what I'm good at. Like fuck the haters. Like everybody else. Like she could be doing shit like that and instead it's like – it's just – it is just very, very often about boys.

As a Taylor fan, I hope she does not go that road yeah you just want you want to just keep it i like taylor she's i would not like to be like i'm 25 sitting on 20 are you sick of hearing about like relationships every time no well no i mean you don't really listen to her catalog like no she it's a lot though i think it's about as many as she's had they're like there's plenty of songs plenty of songs. If you want to listen to the awesome Taylor Swift songs that never mentioned relationship, there's 100 of them. I mean, I would say it's like three out of every four are about relationships. You would be incorrect. Really?

Yes. Yes. Absolutely very incorrect. I think if you went through her album, 75%. Honestly, she has a song about why she can't talk like that like because everyone would just call her a bitch I would like that

even though more of that than just like well then I'm going to cater to that makes me hate it even more if it's like well I want to be making music about other stuff but I can't so I'll just do it that's just a thing where, I think most people who think all of Taylor's songs

are about her past relationships are people who don't really listen to Taylor Swift. Yeah, I mean, I definitely don't listen to, I think there's a reason why her, that's her reputation, though. I think it's partly woman, she's a woman, and partly, I mean, she's just dated a lot of famous people. And then, like, there's, like, none of them are explicitly about anybody, so then none of them are explicitly about anybody so then that's why i don't think it's about famous

it's not it's because she doesn't name them it's just about but i mean i think that you can always assign it to her boyfriends thinking like who's this about and she's like it's not about anybody and be like no this one's about harry this one's about jonas this one's and some of them are correct they've uncovered enough little things. But the – I don't – and maybe just because I consume it differently. Like I listen to a lot of Taylor Swift. I'm never like, oh, that's about so-and-so. That's other – this is a good song.

I mean the crazy fans are. They are always trying to assign it to somebody. But I think she also – that's also part of it because she has said this one or found – you find out this one is about Joe Jonas and this one is about John Mayer. I don't think she's ever said anything that's supposed to be about anybody. Right. But I think we know – I even know of certain songs that are about certain guys with the breakup over voicemail and this one is about John Mayer taking her virginity and this one is about Tom Hiddleston being older. Well, couldn't you do that about like my stories? Like i know what girlfriend that's about that's totally i i just whether she just doesn't if you were to break it up to like oh these are like six stories fights

talking all the time like i know that's about so and so he was with this person and and you have to be a diehard fan to do that yeah but like it's it's most people are like oh it's a funny story he tells but there's something like i know what he's talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I just, maybe it's because she doesn't confirm or deny or whatever, but I don't know.

It's to me, it's just like, are we going to do it? Oh, we're going to get a Taylor Swift breakup album now. It's like, we have done the Taylor Swift breakup album five times. Well,

she's never done a Taylor Swift breakup album. I feel like they're all the breakup album, John. But again, you just don't listen to it. I think I, I've listened enough and I've seen enough to be like it's, you know, there's If an album has like 18 songs on it and there's a song on it about a breakup, it's not a breakup

album. There's way more than one song about breakups and or just relationships in general. Whether it's a breakup or I would I would it's just all about love. Under 10% of Taylor's catalog is about breakups. I would guess 90% of them are about relationships. If you want to say breakups. But that's what life is. Life is relationships.

Not really, though. There's a lot more to life than your romantic relationships. That's what I take on. First of all, I think that 90% is, again, very inaccurate. But I'm just saying. I would say 75%. I don't think so either. But the, like, if you want to say 90% of songs are about life, that I'll give you.

No. Yeah, I think it was just more about, I don't know, family, work. Girlfriends. We could look at her album list right now. Other than just boys all the time. Because that's what it feels like. Like, let's see. love story yes hey steven yes white horse no you belong with me breathe no tell me why no you're not sorry yes this is also

younger stuff like this is from fearless this is what she wrote when she was like i don't know 24 evermore folklore no those aren't about anything reputation i would i would just guess the whole album is basically no that's mostly kanye and kim 1989 that's like all pop there is like a little bit i don't know i don't know if there's a breakup song in there i'm sure there is one um red is red is one red is i think has some breakups to it i think it's younger taylor like if you if you start in 2013 there's not a ton of breakups like the lover album is not about relationships again like relationships yes yeah that's what i mean it kind of got skewed more towards breakups but i mean it's just always about boys

And relationships with boys Midnight snow Whether you love them or breaking up with them Or you're my crush Or you know whatever it may be I'd say Taylor's last four albums Are pretty non-breakup But yeah when she was a kid

She probably wrote more about it But anyway I had something I wanted to say about this though uh fuck i forgot i was gonna say oh oh what i do like about their breakup is and i haven't done i haven't done the keegs deep dive on it i heard taylor and joe broke up and i went out that's sad but also i don't know people were like in the morning i'll be okay um i like that they were just like at least their public statement is just like we grew apart yeah yeah yeah pretty simple you know what's like you know what's honest about it whether or not it's honest that statement in and of itself for them it's a what every breakup group is. We grew apart. I guess they

call it the seven-year itch is a thing. So maybe I'm wrong on this because there's a term for it. I feel like that's a weird number to break up at. I feel like you're either you're like, we've been together like 30, like we stayed together when we shouldn't have. We've been together for 30 years. Now we're breaking up. Or you realize

like before, like six years is a long time to then not marry or end up with or whatever. You know what I mean? Like I feel like you either break up earlier than that or you've been gutting it out for like two extra decades. That's a weird number to just be like, all right, we tried this thing for six years. It didn't work. Because they've been – it's also like did things drastically change from year five to six? Then there's a reason why you break up. But they've been famous or in this famous relationship.

He got a lot more famous while they were together. Because of her or on his own? No, I think he – I don't know why he got the roles and stuff like that. But he did Normal People, that that show whoever the writer of that book he did that she was with that joe antonov guy no no no because he's a he has a name right jack antonov yeah it's joe allen joe allen um so i thought it was like oh this is the guy who makes music with her and that's gone but so this is just you know yeah yeah i mean he wrote a few songs on there on the more recent albums, the pandemic albums.

He was a credit as a ghostwriter. I forget what his name was. It was something Bowery. Oh, yeah. I remember that. He wrote him. But yeah, they didn't put the name on there. And he is minimal songs by two or three total.

If you if you have a like visceral. Like real reaction. To a celebrity breakup that goes beyond, like, you're having fun with it and you're just gossiping. Yeah. You're a fucking psychopath.

You're a fucking psychopath. Yeah. I would say that about people in general, but, like, if you don't... Geeks don't listen to this. I mean,

don't geek, you're a psychopath. Like, if, you know, someone in your life breaks up, obviously, it's, you know,

a family member broke up or whatever. I don't think I'd... I've had daydreams of my parents getting a divorce. I don't think I'd have a visceral reaction to my parents getting a divorce. I'd be like, all right. I'm 34 years old. Your job is done. Totally.

If my parents wanted to get a divorce now, I'd be like, thank God. If your friends break up, do you really care? I don't care. No, right? Yeah, like, like, like, if,

if, if, if, I'll do a weepy podcast about it. Like, if, if one of your friends

games you and was like, dude, I'm just like, devastated about this breakup. Would you be like, oh, well, I,

you know, it sucks. sucks like i don't want my friend to be sad but like shut the fuck up dude oh right that would be your yeah yeah like i've never been even if it was like yo wow i thought you guys were perfect for each other i would just be like but i guess you weren't yeah i think that's the thing people get in their head like what should be like you you should be together you guys are perfect i can't believe that you guys should have made it do you know how many should have got married the only people jay jaylo and puffy i'm like you guys i think you were perfect other than i'm just like if someone breaks up then you are not good together that's it that's you know i mean i guess

you have some extenuating circumstances but it is like the shock of people be like i can't believe it broke up you mean we talk about like what what is It is like the shock of people be like, I can't believe it broke up. You mean we talk about it? Like what is it? What is the number? 95% of relationships probably end. Every relationship. 60% of marriages. It's 60% of people who thought they found the one.

And every relationship you're ever in, except for one, theoretically ends in breakup. So I can't, I can't believe the common thing happened. This is crazy. Also, you know, it's also, it's like, tell me why. Why are you so shocked?

Yeah. I guess if you were in someone's life and you're like, oh, they seemed perfect to each other and they were always happy. I'm so surprised. Otherwise, those people are doing what we call playing house. By the way, while having this conversation, I've been doing two things. I think you just don't really like pop music. So I'm trying to think of pop songs that aren't about relationships. I was going to say that's kind of all bands.

Like even like rappers, like they have songs. Rappers obviously are. Rappers have some, but rappers are different. But I would hope Taylor doesn't. I feel like there's more – I would write to like early pop where I was like NSYNC first song. Hey, hey, bop, bop, bop. Backstreet Boys. I want to show you a piece of my heart.

I want to be with you. Like there's I think I think that's what pop music. I mean, there's like party tracks. I think there's. Which Taylor has a top. Yeah. party tracks i think there's um which still has a top yeah but it's just more like the the the percentage of your catalog i mean i know you're going to say it's not but i just think there's i bet you if you if you do it out it's it's a lot more relationship i would bet it's on i would bet it's not jarringly different than a standard pop artist. Like who?

Who would we compare to? Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez. One Direction. One Direction, Bieber. Yeah. I think it's like a genre. I'm even thinking like a pop punk band or pop punk bands. Yeah.

That's all relationships. I mean, I guess it's just like i feel like there's songs about like she just does it in a it's like you know you can like make a song about like sex or like i don't know i feel like there's a different way to but you're right i mean it probably is just mostly uh just everybody crying about their relationships just like maybe that's why i like rap music. It's like not that. So let's talk about something else.

Let's talk about fucking bitches. Yeah. Relationships. Yeah. I like I like that's why I like rap because it's like about rap. It's about it. You know what I mean? It's about being the best because you can like do rap in a way.

You know what I mean? You can rap better. I would I would like though i would like pop artists to be like i yeah i'm the best singer i have the best i can play the best instruments i don't know ariana grande i would guess most i would guess taylor has a catalog on par with her about relationships yeah i i guess it's just because which is i think you know the problem i think the difference is that taylor's has has had so many relationships yeah right that's what i was saying it's like you know's like, you know, you know, there's like

most people have like one or two like big breakups. Yeah. Or big relationships. And Taylor has like eight or whatever. Kevin, did you watch Succession last night? I did not. I heard somebody died. I did watch Rabbit Hole, in case you're wondering.

You watched what? Rabbit Hole, obviously. Came home, first thing I did, popped Hole in case you're wondering. You watched what? Rabbit Hole, obviously. Came home, first thing I did, popped it on. What's that on? Paramount Plus. Were you saying the other day that your aesthetic is Paramount Plus

or something like that? Is that you? No, I don't think so, but I can see it. I was thinking, I was like, Paramount Plus is the John channel. It's got those shows.

Criminal Minds? Oh, yeah. Bud Light and Dylan. I've never heard of this person. I never fucking heard of this person. I first saw this in. Once I saw it and I looked her up, I was like, I still don't know you. I figured it was going to be like,

Oh, he was that person. And now she's that person from that thing. And I was like, I got nothing. Yeah. I got nothing. If you had said to me,

Dylan Mulaney or whatever, Dylan Mulvaney, I no fucking no clue, which is wild all in and of itself that like this person is affecting the world this much that like it just goes to show how big the world is and how many pockets of people and fame and fans there can be. Like we're pretty on top of almost everything. Yeah. And I had no fucking clue. I had none.

And she has like halted the alcohol industry like it's which is brought it to its knees on who who can sell and who can advertise right now and what are brands doing like everyone's like holy fucking shit it's it's it's a situation that is both inspiring and depressing in the sense that like it is so polarizing and it's cool to see how marketing can affect that. And then it's so depressing to see how easy it is for marketing to affect that. Like how dumb everyone in the world is. Like – and it is like – it is an interesting thing in the sense that like it's how marketing has grown and shit like that. And I don't know.

I have a weird – like I think marketing is interesting. And it was just like – like how easily everyone in the world becomes a mark is depressing. Where it is like, no, you're just – you don't see how you're doing exactly what they want you to do. Right, right. You're all getting played like every single time and like like the they've actively every beer company in america because it's what fucking people do because everyone has fucking brains everyone every beer company you're gonna go buy the boy but like and again no one's actually doing it sales are up i'm sure um the like every beer company you might buy instead if you're actually one of the 20 psychopaths who care also supports LGBTQ.

Right. And has openly done so since the fucking 80s. I was going to say like they're – I can't – I don't even know where I could find it anymore. But I saw a tweet of like all the examples of this brand and this brand and this brand supporting the pride parade, supporting this person, supporting this act, whatever. And they used to do it in newspaper ads. And then they used to do it in commercials. But now it's done with a social media influencer because that's how marketing works now. And now it's a whole – I'm sure they were all hullabaloo every time.

Yeah. And guess what? You're going to drink the fucking beer and shut up. And this is – this chick also is doing Nike now, right? Yes. So she's just killing it. Yeah, yeah. So she's got Bud Light and Nike in the same year?

And Dylan is a woman? Yeah. Yeah, because she's advertising the female clothes. Okay. Like the sports bras and stuff. And she is a – she transitioned. I think she was born a biological male. I'd go with a more female name, to be honest.

I found my issue with the trans community. Only southern parents can name their kids with a name that goes both ways. If you're transitioning, you've got to pick a stern name so I know which way to go. I want to make sure you're not dead naming Dylan. And now I'm like, fuck it. That's her male name. No, it's not. I will say this. Great use of dead names.

Yeah, I got you, dude. I'm up on my shit. I don't care about any of this. I just think you got to do a better advertisement. This is fucking scary. Like, that's just scary. That's what this is. The Nike ad. She just looks scary. It's that just scares me just that's uh that's what this is the nike ad she just looks scaring me it's very limber it's it's very uh like that face is very

it's like i don't know what's going on here um but i cannot believe that one of the faces of nike and bud light i'm like i have no idea what i i'm more mad at like how old am i that i just don't know what's going on uh the kid rock video is was the the lamest thing that's ever happened that was so fucking bad grandpa's feeling frisky okay psycho that was so fucking weird dude I'm not calling her by her name signed Kid Rock signed 60 year old man Kid Rock

it is funny seeing stuff like that somewhat backfire in this I have no idea I can watch that video Kid Rock which I did It is funny seeing stuff like that somewhat backfire in this. And I have no idea. I can watch that video, Kid Rock, which I did. And I can't go, oh, I don't know how he shoots. But I follow Jason Isbell. And Jason Isbell quoted it.

And he's like, still can't shoot worse shit, though. Like the way he's holding a gun and shit. And he's trying to be like, maybe he's great and Isbell is wrong. I don't fucking know. I saw someone else breaking it down like the Zapruder film. There's a second shooter. Oh, really? I don't know enough about this, but there was a freeze frame that it looked like there was like a gun blast, like a bullet blast.

I don't know. Yeah. Coming from like off camera the other way. And they were like, he needed someone else to make sure that like the you know the fucking case of beer was blown up whether this is right or wrong this is fucking bananas and and this is i feel like this should just be a tagline for this show everything we talk about i don't give a shit either way and yeah but like if you to be like I'm going to show people that I'm tough for whatever the fuck he's trying to prove by shooting cans. But I'm not good enough to shoot the cans.

That is the A, the internet is going to make fun of me for missing or B, I need to get a second guy to actually hit. That's what I mean. Like it is. That is nuts. I the only thing I'm seeing today that. So Bud Light's like vice president, I guess, like the vice president came out and said, we want to get away from frat boy and we want to be inclusive. And obviously being inclusive is a good thing. I just don't think you need to, like, move like just. Leave it as I wouldn't even say Bud Light frat boy i was i drink bud lights early

20s frat boy i was drinking natty and all that shit yeah yeah but i would say i was a liberal frat boy i think bud light is the king light beer you know like party go to a party and you drink natty and shit because it's cheaper but you'd rather be drinking but like you know what i mean like like when nike did kaepernick and everyone was like, we're going to boycott. And then sales went up. It's also because they didn't like disavow what they already were doing. You know what I mean? They weren't like, fuck all white people too.

It was just like we also, in addition to. So this move coming out and being like we're trying to move away from fratty is like, well, that is actually I think a bad marketing move. And having this girl be your endorsement, fine. You can just weather the storm of like the hillbillies who don't like it. But coming out and being like we – I guess she said we've been in decline for – where did it say? Anaheiser Bush has been in quote in decline for a really long time. That's in quote. So I'm really long time. That's in quotes. So I'm like, OK, I don't know.

I, you know, they would know better than me. I would never have guessed that. I thought that Bud Light would be like, we're in trouble. What are we going to do? And they're like, let's just switch gears and go with the trans community and like only them. And that sounds crazy to me. But I just cannot believe like I would have to say and i'm not saying this out of like ignorance or being a bigot just out of like life this person is like a

l-list celebrity a q-list celebrity you know like i've never heard of them like you know the heard of her it's not even remotely close to like a household name or something like that. On that same note of dumb shit on the internet was the Pop Crave thing. You and I talked about this on the phone a little bit. The... Pop Crave. They sent out... This is...

These are two issues with the internet in a nutshell. Where one, whoever's saying they drink Bud Light or doesn't drink Bud Light doesn't fucking matter. And it's not real. It doesn't fucking matter in the real world. And this one was the Pop Crave article about Pedro – not article, tweet. Oh, yes. About Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey. And it's like have you seen the pay disparity the pay gap the pay gap between bella ramsey and pedro pascal i think pedro pascal makes 450

400 grand an episode yeah of the last of us bella ramsey makes 70 grand an episode and everyone's quote tweeting it from tim dillon to i don't know i saw a quote 10 000 times explaining why that makes sense but no one thinks it doesn't make sense like the whole internet everyone's agreeing like pete and then people are quoting and being like people are trying to say this isn't crazy well here's why this is crazy here's why isn't crazy no one is saying it's crazy not one not no one thinks that bella ramsey and pedro pascal at that point. Pedro 600. Bella is 70. That was that's the pop.

Great. Great. This is according to variety. Okay. They might have corrected. I could have sworn the popcorn said 400 or whatever. Not that it matters. It doesn't matter.

No one thinks that Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey, when they sign their contracts, should have the same amount of money. Pedro Pascal has been the face of the Mandalorian. Pedro Pascal was what got me, the buzz around the Red Viper was what got me to start watching Game of Thrones. He is a, I mean, he's been the frontier. He's the- I'm sure just like a catalog thing.

He's at the top of his career right now. And he's, yeah, like, I mean, he's owning Hollywood. He's like, when he signed that, it'sllywood he's like when he signed that it's even doubled now but when he signed that contract he was probably one of the hottest names in hollywood you know he should not have the same amount of pay as a no name young teenage woman the the i am uh the um the people playing themselves uh arguing for bella being like excuse me bella was in Game of Thrones. It's like, okay. In a bit role.

In less episodes than him. And the guy you're arguing against, less episodes and he had a way more impactful, cooler, and better character. So you don't even know what you're arguing about. But now we're arguing against Narcos. Oh, everyone's Narcos. No one.

The only thing I'll say about this But now we're arguing against Narcos. He's a Narcos. Oh, everyone's Narcos. No one. No one. But, okay. Come season three, maybe we'll talk. The only thing I'll say about this is I remember when I, like, finally learned, like, my lesson. He was in Wonder Woman 1984. You know, he's been a ton. Probably also did – he has, like, a bunch of Spanish titles here. The Equalizer 2.

Equalizer 2? Kingsman. I mean, he has like a bunch of Spanish titles here. The Equalizer 2. The Equalizer 2? Kingsman. I mean he has – and whether or not these are all big hits, they're all – Homeland, he was in an episode. Like he's been working for fucking ever. I think someone said he's been working for 35 years. Yeah. I remember when Bill Burr did his SNL monologue that night because I was awake for Saturday Night Live. The initial reaction was cancel Bill Burr, woke culture, all that shit.

By the morning, everybody else had replied and every tweet you saw was like, nobody really cares about this. Like this was fine. It was funny, whatever. But it wasn't true. Like the initial wave trending and every tweet you read, if you read it in the moment, was anti-Bill. And so I don't know if this is the case with this one. But it really does depend on when you get to a thing on social media. Because by the time someone, the other side has had a chance to reply, it really might look like nobody cares about it.

Like everybody agrees with this. This one I do particularly think it was like the immediate, like probably one person brought it up and the flood was like, this makes total fucking sense. The 19-year-old up-and-coming actress makes less money than the 50 year old bona fide star and again like when fucking millie bobby brown started by the way it's like like like they are equally as important on the show yeah if if you were to pay if you were to just like pay a based on the last of us it would be it should be equal. Correct. Or you know, very close. It's not and it's not. So this is how it works. You can be a rookie on a team and score

30 points a game and the veteran on the team who makes, you know, performs worse than you is making more money because they've been around. It's just how the fucking world works. But it's also like if Bella Ramsey was 30 years in it'd be a problem. When you sign those contracts,

it's not, they're not just giving you a contract because of your acting ability. They're giving you a contract how many asses you're going to put in the seats. Totally.

No one's watching an HBO show, again, a year ago. I'm talking, this is, I've seen the show now. She's fucking amazing. Bella Ramsey's next thing.

Her sixth season. It's like Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger Things. Right, right. Millie Bobby Brown made 20 grand season in one of Stranger Things. Clearly she was a star.

She'd make a million by the next. She'd make some fucking piss low now. Right. And her next roles will be the same way that Pedro Pascal had

Mandalorian under his belt before doing this. She'll have Last of Us under her belt before doing her next one. And you need, you know, a few like decades more. That's a five minute segment on

why it doesn't matter uh the dalai lama oh yeah we can go ahead and console the dalai lama oh i saw holy christ on the fucking cross what the fuck kind of move was that? I read it. I read the transcript of what was said, and I was like, get this guy the fuck out of there. And then I watched the video. Oh, there's a video of it? Can you pull that up? I saw. Dude, it's insane.

Pull it up. You need the audio as well. The way this kid pulls away and the way that this motherfucker asks to have – so if you don't know, the Dalai Lama, he is I believe the 13th Dalai Lama. It's one of those fake made-up things. They said he's like the 13th reincarnation of the Dalai Lama. He was, he was at some events with this little kid who I think is like nine years old. And he like kisses him on the forehead. And then he asks for a kiss on the lips. And then he sticks his tongue out and says to this little kid, suck on my tongue.

Clearly, like, get the fuck away from me, dude. And suck on your tongue. I mean I should not be laughing because that's fucking that dude that dude is does that have 34 million views? is that number? 35 point

K that's 35 oh okay that dude I can't you know confidently say but that guy you know he's done some things or he's gonna do some things what that allegedly i don't know what i can say here that's fucking crazy there has to be there i'm just trying to think about this logically there is i even if it's something cultural i will take a stance and I will be anti that culture. Pedophilia I'm speaking about. That. Console the Dalai Lama.

I don't know. Like, is that a thing? He has besmirched the good name of the llamas that came before him. Is that a thing anyway? I feel like I would have known about this. If you tell me that it is standard practice for kids to suck on the tongue of the Dalai Lama, then it's even worse. It's standard practice to suck on the pecker of Father O'Malley. Yeah, I mean I was going to say we know how this goes.

That – I mean you see this kid. The body language is screaming. The kid is pulling his head away. He's like trying to be respectful and I'm sure everyone around him tells him this is great that he got to meet the Dalai Lama. This poor kid is like, I don't want to go talk to that old man with bad breath and now he's kissing me and he's like pulling away and then the kid then he says suck that kid on my tongue that kid doesn't say a word and he's the loudest child i've ever seen i feel i mean it's not funny that is is despicable it's disgusting um i don't know what the Dalai Lama is or does.

Like it's not a – you're not voted it. You're not – it's not a job. You don't make money. You just – you're deemed to be the reincarnated, the next one. Yeah. By, I don't know, a bunch of monks you work with or whatever. I guess it's similar to Pope. But I mean that's one of the craziest things you'll ever see a famous

person do i tell a little kid to suck on my tongue with the at an event like at you know there's cameras rolling i don't know why and this is something i'll have to work out with myself my oh boy my my uh this reaction is like find a way to make this okay. Yeah, like how can I even rationalize this? Before I ever even saw it, I was like – I was thinking it must be a translation barrier. Nope, nope. He says it in English. So he says – he apologized. He's 87.

A video clip has been circulating that shows a recent meeting when the young boy asked his holiness, the Dalai Lama, if he could give him a hug. Normal. You know? His holiness wishes to apologize to the boy and his family as well. His holiness often teases people when he meets in an innocent and playful way, even in public and before the cameras. He regrets the incident. So the headline here is that Dalai L lama says he was being quote innocent and playful when asking a boy to suck his tongue dude that's i mean that is out of the same the book of the

boston archdiocese for real i mean like like run run the power sweep every time that is so crazy that you would think will like the the way that you play with kids is by asking them to suck your tongue that's what you're fucking saying the the even even if it wasn't some deep down warped sexual thing which it is like like if i if i was like wrestling with a kid and like hurt him or touched you know and i was like oh, we were just we're playing. We're playing a game, you know, like that could happen. In some weird world, you know, but there is no world where sucking on a tongue is the thing that you do. Ironically, the people who are the best marketers for premarital sex are people who are abstinent. I imagine there.

I imagine monks don't fuck. If you don't have premarital sex, you're a fucking weirdo. That doesn't mean it's impossible for you to be a weirdo and have it, but if you don't have premarital sex, you're a fucking weirdo. Let's see. Does the Dalai Lama have sex?

The Dalai Lama has admitted that in a lifetime of celibacy and nonviolence that he missed out on sex. That he shoots at hawks in anger. Asked in an interview what experiences he had missed that ordinary people have. He pointed to his groin and laughed saying, I obviously missed this. This dude is fucking anything he can fuck behind closed doors. This guy's fucking

crazy. That is crazy, dude. Speaking of the dog, I want to hear lines from air. It's Ben Affleck who plays Phil Knight, who's quite a Buddhist. He is telling Sonny Vaccaro,

Matt Damon, he's saying there's not because he was being selfish in some act of the movie. telling Sonny Vaccaro, Matt Damon, he's saying there's not, because he was being selfish in some act of the movie. And he says, Sonny, you know, there's no such thing as the self. There's only the non-self. That's what Buddha taught us. And Sonny says, oh yeah, Phil,

does the Dalai Lama drive a purple Porsche? And he goes, fuck you, Sonny. That's one of my favorite lines from there that's fucking great oh by the way I saw a Super Mario movie so fucking great it's awesome Keegan didn't want to go to the movie I think he was a little bit afraid of Bowser and didn't want to say it because he was

really like against it and I like had to force him to go and within two minutes he was standing with his arms up over the movie seat in front of him literally like on the edge of his seat watching being and he turned around he goes this is sick if you have kids there are people who are reviewing the super mario brothers movie as adults it's crazy that is as crazy as the Dalai Lama asking a kid to suck his tongue you are out here judging this movie and you're not watching it through the eyes of a child like through the eyes of a child through the eyes of an adult it was awesome it was like they they work

in Mario Kart Donkey Kong's in it there's little easter eggs about the game and it's just a typical like it's a video game story you have to save the princess and be the hero and fight the bad guy it's totally fine uh but as a kid it's fucking incredible and if you are judging it in any other way you are the biggest fucking loser alive jeff d low told me that people are like you know critiquing it intensely it's like dude i'm i've seen some tiktoks where there was one guy breaking down i guess seth rogan was like what do you need to know about donkey kong uh he gets angry and throws barrels and some guy went on a five minute rant i watched the whole thing so i was like what a fucking yeah that's that's what donkey kong does

do yeah and dude he went on the lore of donkey kong if he's like it took more than five minutes i'm like dude shut the fuck out of here. Voicemails today brought to you by pirate water. Like we said, uh, it's, it's the best, biggest fucking move and drink in the game right now.

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Sneak it into the bar. Buy it at the bar. If you can get some on the shelves, if you want to get involved in the game, if you're a bar owner, I'm sure they're going to make that happen. The cases are flying it feels fucking incredible to have a hit on your hands uh we've done it you know with pink whitney and we said before we've seen you know high noon success this is feeling like you know you have one of those is uh i said i said i wanted like a party drink for this generation i wanted them to experience that what we had with Four Loko.

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So go to drinkpiratewater.com now. You can find all the local spots where you can buy it. You can also order it or you can get it directly off of GoPuff. So get your pirate water and get pegged. KFC Fights just finished up your Russell Crowe episode. Love how you guys snuck Master and Commander in there. Now, you guys have got me on to a couple of other comedy podcasts like Garbage and the Stuff Island guys. Now, I'm wondering what comedy podcast duo would win in a fist fight between you guys, Stuff Island, Garbage guys, Bert Kreischer.

If you guys can think of some other ones I don't know of, you can throw them in there. Comedy podcast Royal Rumble. Just wondering. Have a good one. Foley and Kev would, I mean, they would be, their cardio would be an issue. But they are, if we're talking literally Royal Rumble, we're not getting those guys over the top. No. But if we're talking just fist fight.

They'd win the studio directing competition. Their size is a problem. Tom Segura by year end is going to be like The Rock. Yeah. So he's going to be a problem. Tommy Pope looks like he'll fucking put – He looks like the kind of guy who would put your thumbs in your eyeballs and push it through your brain. He'll fucking kill you in the street.

I like our chances. I think we can mix it up with anybody. I like our chances against... You can. I mean, I don't know. You're carrying fucking luggage over here. I like our chances against anybody except LaSalle Island. I think LaSalle Island. Tommy's... They're both in shape.

OC's in shape and he has the he has the darkness in him like yeah like if you get him drunk off some whiskeys

and like mad at the world could be a problem otherwise I think he's a friendly guy though I think he's nice for sure Tommy Pope's got

got the rage in him yeah Tommy I actually saw a homeless person on the street the other day that looked like homeless Tommy Pope and he was running back and forth

like screaming at people and I was like look at this fucking like homeless tommy pope guy and i was like this is probably how tommy just is right now like in his apartment he's crazy he will he will press your eyeballs into your brain in a street fight um so he might be tough um any other dark horses i mean there's a ton you know there's a ton. There's a ton of Chris D and Sal. I mean, I wouldn't want Gilles and McCosker. Gilles and McCosker. Gilles can move some bodies around. Throw on a helmet and just start moving bodies. By the way, I texted Shane yesterday when I was in Philly.

I texted the garbage guys too, asking for a cheesesteak. My dad was like, we got to get a cheesesteak. And the garbage guys, they gave me one. Joe's on 5thak my dad was like we gotta get cheesesteak yeah and uh the garbage guys they gave me one um joe's on fifth street which was closed uh we ended up going to pose no no joe's on the south on south street poses on fifth that was literally one of the best i've ever had about it do you know it nah i don't know pose oh dude there's so many around there that you don't really need to go to like the one like it was in like the the middle of nowhere. Did you get like a cheesesteak or you got like. I got a cheesesteak.

I got an Uncle Tony and a Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper is a cheesesteak with like a sharp Gouda or something like that. And then and the other one had like a spice on it, too. They were fucking so good. Had two, got one to go. That's the move. That's the move. Now I'm like fucking.

I sit in my fridge in my apartment. I left it in the car during the game. But the. And then I asked Shane. I don't know if he's serious or not. He could have just been being a dick. Shane is like, wah-wah. He's totally being a dick. That's not even – they do love their wah-wah.

They don't eat cheese. They eat their wah-wah. But I said I happened to go to a wah-wah looking for Zinn. So I sent this chain a picture from inside it being like thanks for the recommendation. And he was like, awesome. Make sure you get these chips too. All right, man. Maybe not.

You never know. What were the chips she sent? It was like – he's like – he goes, yeah, make sure you get the hers cooked cheddar horseradish chips too. All right. Next up. hers cooked cheddar horseradish chips, too. That is funny. All right, next up. But anyway, by the way, I do like us. Oh, I like us because of you. You will knock motherfuckers out.

You're going to have to get some sort of, you know, like... Bert and Tom are a tough deal because Bert... Bert's a big body with the Mickey Mantle gene, and Tom's, like, a fucking... I think it's a big body with the Mickey Mantle Gene and Tom's like a fucking... I think it's a fair fight around. I would need to channel into some sort of dad rage, adrenaline. I mean, with all the

podcasts that we're doing, like, with Royal Rumble, I think everyone's got someone you're like, I don't know. Yeah. And I think everyone's got someone who's like, they could do it too. Yeah. There's, uh... I think that would be a very good Royal Rumble that I don't know if we'd win, but I don't think we'd be a very good Royal Rumble. I don't know if we'd win, but I don't think we'd be embarrassed either.

I still think size at the end of the day, like Foley and Kavergaard. Did he say Royal Rumble? Did we make Royal Rumble? No, but I'm just saying whether it's a street fight, Royal Rumble, whatever. Unless we're like whacking Foley in the back of the head with a pipe. You know what I mean? I want one day, whether it's a comedy Royal Rumble, a street fight or something, I want somehow for me to channel the last like eight years of my life into a fight or a single

punch or something where I kill somebody. You want to murder a man? I want to murder somebody and I want it to be known. I don't want to go to jail for it, but I want it to be like, because nobody would ever think of me in that way, but if I could harness that, everything that's gone on, and put it into violence, I think I could kill anybody. Now, I don't know how to harness that, but if I could,

I think I could kill anybody on the planet. One more. What up, Chickenhead Gang Gang, the whole crew. I'm starting to suck in this. but if i could i think i could kill anybody on the planet one more what up uh chicken head gang gang uh the whole crew question if you can eradicate any species at all can't be humans obviously because we would do that but if you're gonna eradicate any species off the planet what are you doing what are you picking i am picking personally uh birds because birds are loud as fuck they're annoying they start chirping yada yada yada northeast they fucking they go down south and then they come back just fucking stay down south

like birds suck birds fucking suck i'm on that train What do you guys think? I think birds is a great choice. I think they are disgusting and don't offer much. Yeah, I don't know what they like. You could say spiders. Like spiders, the whole economy is based on spiders. If you kill spiders, we go into hyperinflation um I'm sure birds are like that I think birds like spread pollen

like the bees do or some shit I don't know I'm sure birds matter but they don't you know and they're you know birds aren't even real they're fucking government drones we know this um I got like snakes and spiders are get them out of here. Yeah.

Snakes don't snakes, scorpions, spiders. They don't need to be around. And I know they do for the ecosystem. But as far as humans go, like do not want do not need anacondas. Why do we need? Yeah. So a video like a new updated video of an anaconda spitting out like a whole fucking horse. You know?

Yeah, yeah. And it's just like – The reverse video of it eating a deer. Yeah. I was like, we don't need these things on the planet. I think most fish can go. Most fish can definitely go. I did make myself some nice barramundi the other night.

I don't even know what that is. Me neither. I really don't. Barramundi? It's definitely fish, but – I don't know. I got a little fresh shout-out. It's a barramundi on it. Barramundi, however you pronounce it. I don't know. It's definitely fish. I don't know. I got a little fresh shout out. It's a barramundi on it.

Barramundi, however you pronounce it. I don't know. It was good. We're pressed for time here, and I'm going to be quick about this, which I think is probably a bad thing. Oh, boy. Kill the white women. I'm not saying it's my choice. I'm supposed to say it's not my choice.

I am saying you're on notice. Dogs. Dogs. It is not my choice. It is not. There are many dogs I love. Here's what's happening. Dogs are getting too big for their britches. Agreed.

They've heard about what we are. They've heard about how we – They've heard us talk about them. They speak English, obviously. They know that we're suckers for dogs, yeah. They don't – So here's the issue. Here's the issue.

We're pressed for time, so I'm going to be quick here. First of all, there are too many dogs. Yeah. There are too many. There's too many breeds. There's too many quantity, and there's also just too many, like, types out there. But the quantity is my issue. Yeah.

Because everyone, the pandemic hit, everyone's like, I need a dog. No one returned their dogs. Return things you don't need anymore. So there are too many dogs everywhere. Everywhere go there are fucking dogs now people are shocked that their dogs aren't allowed into fucking nice restaurants right there is i couldn't bring my dog on the plane what the fuck why why would you be allowed to do that there are dogs abound remember when you were told those horror stories when you were a kid they're like just so you know when you grew up you're gonna be a minority and well're like, just so you know, when you grow up, you're going to be a minority. And, well, no one's doing that with dogs. Because what?

Wait, what? It wasn't an action. I was joking about the horror story thing. But people were like, by 2030, there's going to be more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so you know, you're... Latinos. Hold on. Hold on. All right.

I don't fucking care. John, stop grabbing your mic like that. You're cutting it out and it makes it seem like I'm trying to cut you off. No, that's not what's happening. I want all this to be loud and clear. I'm scared of brown people. No, but Robert's dad is. That was a specific name.

Everyone's like, there's going to be more than you one day. You're going to have to hit one when you want English on the phone. No one does that with dogs. There are going to be more dogs than us. Dogs are taking over. We just don't even realize it. Everywhere I look, there are dogs. No one's worried about the overpopulation of dogs in cities.

Also, also, this is my main point. Tell them what you meant, son. When I walk home, dogs are no longer afraid of me. Let it out. When people used to walk dogs on leashes, the dog would get out of my way. Not anymore. No longer do dogs go part ways with me. No, sir.

We had a deal. I have to step over leashes the whole walk home. I'm high stepping. They don't give a fuck. I'm like just jumping over leashes. I go, oh, sorry. Sorry, you little fucking mutt. Think about it.

Of course. We literally walk around doting on them and then pick up their shit. Yeah. Of course they're like, we're the dominant one. You feed me, you pet me, and you pick up my shit. We run this planet. Everywhere I go. It's just, dogs, it's their fucking planet now.

And I love dogs. I have a dog. I love my dog. I don't like your dog. I like my dog. Because it gets in my way. Same thing with kids. We're overpopulating the planet with kids too. I like my kids. I don't like your dog. I like my dog. It's in my way. Same thing with kids. We're overpopulating the planet with kids too.

I like my kids. I don't like your kids. I'll say this too. You know when they say things like everyone's born a liberal and dies a Republican? Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of people are born dog people and then you get older and you realize how much of a pain in the ass dog should be. Get your dog away from me. I think everybody dies.

I like having a dog sometimes but also could do without it. Again, when my dog – actually, I'll say this. Even my dog, when I get home and I watch TV and she puts her head in my lap and I pet her, I'm like, this is the best ever. Amazing. And everything else sucks. And then we hit the first commercial break. I'm like, get the fuck to the other side of the couch. Everything else sucks.

Literally everything else sucks. I don't want to walk you. I don't want to feed you. I don't want to groom you. I don't want to pet you. I'm like, get the fuck out of the couch. Everything else sucks. Literally everything else sucks. I don't want to walk you. I don't want to feed you. I don't want to groom you. I don't want to do any of this. My dog's a little fucking pervert too. And she gets on her belly like this. Puts that puss out.

And she fucking takes her upper hand and she's always pushing my hand down. Yeah, that's a perverted dog. Harvey, I will not be fucking tricked into fucking rubbing your hooch. Dude, anyway, Michael Vick was right. It's Trevor Wallace on KC Radio. All right, let's do it. Let's get into it. He was just saying he came from the Gary Vee office.

He came from Gary Vee's office. I'm ready to pitch you guys on Beanie Babies, the future. Bro, the last time, and I think it was the first time we ever did one at his office, he gets so jacked up. I don't know if you remember this. By the end of the interview, he was in a seat like this. Oh, yeah. And he was just sitting there like this.

Like he got model service. We were just sitting on top of the chairs. You know what is so funny about him? And it speaks to just how stupid sports are and fandom is. You know, one of the smartest dudes out there can always see the trends and what's next and knows what to go in on, what to pull the plug on, all that. And then we'll sit there and be like, the Jets are winning the Super Bowl this year, bro.

This is it this year. Yeah, that's funny. And he's a Patriots fan. I'm a Jets fan. He's a Patriots fan. So I'm trying to level with Gary while being like, this is not the case. Trying to be rational with him. And he was like, yo, Adam Gase is the future.

I don't know if you follow, but he was like the worst coach, like one and done. Worst coach ever. It's all about confidence. He's like, you fucking moron. It's like a dumb idiot with the world's best entrepreneur, but you were dead ass right. It was Super Bowl

week too. Typically, I'm often quite respectful to guests. It was Super Bowl week and we had a few beers and everything. You hit the threshold and you're like, you you're an idiot i've listened long enough to your shit like shut the fuck up you idiot yeah dude i mean so much i just wanted to look around the office there's probably like 300 people working there i just want to be like what's happening what do you do what is your department do you believe in your own job there's just so many people they're all on zoom calls

who are you talking what's happening yeah dude that is crazy it's the weirdest thing we see here sometimes people like in the office on zoom why don't you guys

just go upstairs to the meeting I'm looking I can see the icons there's four of you he what are you talking to prove to me right now

this is worth it he's got some same shit as Portnoy too though like you see some of his old videos when he's in some some same shit as portnoy too though like oh that's you you see some of his old videos when he's in the wine wine shop or the fucking bowl cut being like buy this for like 1999 and it's like that and then that dude becomes you know this entrepreneurial monster the same way like

portnoy was like the ugliest man walking the face of the earth and then becomes this like 200 million dollar monster and like how could you not become either in dave's case like the most cocky arrogant guy or in gary's case the most like everything i say turns to gold like get rid of connecticut if i had that much taking them off the flag right with that much money you're gone connecticut is that would that be the number one state to go no no no because i was gonna say i i know what you mean but there's plenty of states we should go probably washington i don't know they're a little gloomy nothing wrong with them seattle's got nice ladies but you know what gloomy get rid of them it's also just so just you know redraw the line you're now part of fucking canada you know what i mean that's exactly just like but

you know how you know people are like very like 2023 they're like if they don't bring you joy cut them out of your life. Washington hasn't brought me joy ever. Every time I land, I go, there's something going on. I've never done heroin, but if there's ever a place, it's Tacoma, Washington, and there's something in the sky. I was like, cut it out. Fun place for comedy.

Buy tickets. He's going in there. But yeah, I don't know. When you have that much money, what do you – We had Jeffree Star in here and he was doing Answer the Internet. Money, right? And one of the questions was like – something was – and then you get a billion dollars and he chose the other side of it.

And I was like, come on, bro. It's a billion. And just dead straight in the face, not trying to make a joke or anything. He goes, I can't spend the money I make now. What can I do with a billion. And just dead straight in the face, not trying to make a joke or anything. He goes, I can't spend the money I make now. What can I do with a billion? And I was like, God damn. I don't know what it is. It becomes a certain point.

I don't like to talk about how much money I have. But you hit a certain point where you want to talk about it. Billionaires are like, I'm a billionaire. But if you have a couple million. They can say that. And it's like, OK. Right. But there's something about people knowing how much money you have where it's weird.

But then if you're a billionaire, you're like, I'm a billionaire. There's something about it where you just say it and people are like, hats off to you. It's also weird. In sports, everybody knows your contract. So you just know that this guy has $200 million. The rest of it, everyone's like, how much do you think he's worth? Let's look on Celebrity Network. Maybe it's a curiosity.

I'm going to take it down a level from you too uh it is like when i'm chubby and i'm like no one talked about how fat i am but when i'm really fat my guys i know too yeah i know you all know i know too it's just that middle ground that middle ground what's going on i wish we like i don't think it should be weird to talk about money. If you want to, I could – I would absolutely talk about money. Because you have money. You're rich. We get it. That's the sign of –

Yo, it's so weird because – and maybe this is just like I'm bad at being rich so far. Nothing has changed. I am buying a house. That is a big change. But I am not like – How big is the house? It changes everything. It's big

but it was a good deal put it this way it's a house that I could have bought before before the big money so it's not like I went and bought like a 10 million dollar mansion but I alright

see this is why it gets weird why it gets weird motherfucker but that's what it is but this is what I bought with all the cash in the duffel bag yeah yeah

but you know what it is mortgage rates are terrible right now so if you're buying a house right now people are just like oh you got bad it also depends on the place you live you know

DeStefano's got a gorgeous place but you're like that's Staten Island you know so it's all I'm surprised DeStefano didn't buy

Staten Island the whole damn thing I went to his house it's gorgeous beautiful I don't know the east coast at all I was like

dude this place is nice he's like this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not the real Stefano when he greeted us

with Chris Chaos a while ago I threw up in his backyard great place to throw up his own house wanted to add that it's nice it's got a pool

yeah threw up right on the patio threw up right I had a subway tuna melt on the way what made you puke we looked at some gross shit right

I had had the subway tune up with extra mayo and then it's applicable right i don't know i was like hungover or something i don't even need to know your bank account to know what it is after that sentence left it out as well it was like old it was no i got it on the way i remember walking by subway going it was something gross right now you are truly just that is a sandwich that like you would definitely eat alone like this is fucking good like if you're at a party subway going, there's something gross there. I'd never be like, you are truly despicable. That is a sandwich that like, you would definitely eat alone. Like this is fucking good. Like if you're at a party,

like, I guess there's only two. I guess. Speaking of DeStefano and being at a party, we were at DeStefano's fucking launch party for, um, super retro, super retro.

And, um, we stole a set from it. And, um, the, uh, we were talking to, uh, Joe De rosa joe de rosa cater the party and stefano said probably one of the only people to ever cater the launch party for a show that they're on and de rosa brought a bunch of sandwiches and we're trying them from

from uh joey roses and they were delicious they're really good and then he starts telling us how i forget i forget what comedian it was but a comedian had left because he was eating a sandwich, and he's like, dude, I'm allergic to peanut butter. Is there peanut butter in this? And DeRosa goes, you're eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That's one third of it. Bread, peanut butter, jelly. The guy's like, I got to go.

I'm about to have a really bad allergic reaction. I'm going to die now. I got to go. You have to go find Benadryl. I don't think he ever came back. In my head, once you turn like 28 like 28 you're not allergic to peanuts anymore i feel like it's not an adult like it's a kid thing on a flight but you're an adult oh is that jif yeah i i it's one of those that is like the number one thing of like when we were growing up there was no allergic to peanuts you know like what but but it really does feel like that i don't i don't know what it is or were there kids who were just like going home from school that day

and we didn't notice do they still check for lice at school? I never got checked I got checked for spina bifida what the fuck? no it's a form of scoliosis you did? what do they do?

you're like yeah it's a little fucked up it looks like a lowercase s what can they do with that? 100% because I that's cool. They're like, yeah, it's a little fucked up. It looks like a lowercase s. All right, get out of here. What can they do with that? Dude, 100% because I just recently got an x-ray on my neck because when I sneeze, my arm's going numb. Hold on. That's exactly what the sports doctor said. Hold on.

I said it in passing. I was getting my elbow checked and she's like, does it ever get numbness? I was like, no, just when I sneeze. She's like, hold on. I asked the doctor and they're like, have you ever experienced like a shortness of breath? He's like, yeah. Like,

is your heart rate up? Yes. Do you have like panic attacks? Uh-huh. Like check, check, check. And they're like,

are you not doing anything about it? He was like, Oh, I just thought that's what it's like when you get old. I'm here. I was like, I watch a lot of standup comedy.

They always say, once you hit 30, I'm like, yeah, they're performing. They're joking. Doctors are booked out. I need to go to a doctor. My main lady, she's booked out for like three months. I'm like, yeah. They're performing. They're joking. Doctors are booked out. I need to go to a doctor.

My main lady, she's booked out for like three months. I'm like, bitch, are you Diplo? I mean, you're just literally booked out for three months. Then you got to go to like the student doctors. And you ask them a question. Like, you know, that's more of a dermatology question. I'm like, fuck it. Answer me this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a doctor. I need someone who can like look at my teeth, my eyes, my ears, my weight, my this, my that. You can go up my ass. You can look at my toes. You can do all ears, my weight, my this, my that. Just a tune-up for your car. You can go up my ass. You can look at my toes. You can do all of this shit. I don't want to – At least get past something.

Dude, I recently went to the doctor and he was like, what medication are you on? And I had forgotten the name of it. And I was like, I'll get back to you. I'll call you after and I'll go home. You got to get out on the table right then and there. There's no – I'll get back to you. Dude, so I fucking go home. I find out.

I try to call him. It's like a health service here. So I'm calling. I'm trying to hit the buttons. I can't get through. And I try for a few days. And I was like, you know what? It's not far from my apartment.

I'm just going to walk over there. Oh, yeah. Bro, walking into a doctor's office without an appointment, they thought, they were like, what are you, a fucking rebel? It's like smoking a cigarette inside. They're like, what is wrong with you? That actually is kind of crazy. They were like, I was like, no, I'm just here to tell Dr. Asher what medicine I'm on.

Do you have an appointment? I was like, no. I imagine it's on my file. Can you just put it on my file? I was like, I don't have to see him. I told him I was going to call. Why don't you just email him or something? I don't know their email address.

But it's so hard to get a hold of. Bro, now it's all portal shit. I'm like an old man. I'm like, I don't know how to log into a fucking portal. Isn't that funny? You're like, I'm better than the internet. I'm showing up. I feel that way, though, too.

You know? It's like, I deposit checks at the banks. The mobile one, I don't know the price. I'm there just doing like $20 checks from stand-up spots. Or depositing if you have cash in a check like putting it into the machine yeah i'm like it's gonna eat it and i'm an idiot and that cash is gone yeah oh i don't do cash i don't deposit cash yeah because it feels like that they're just gonna be irs also it could just be like it could just say on the screen like yeah we just deposited your thousand dollars but did you

because i'm not gonna sit there and check. I really have stopped trusting technology. It's happened pretty quickly. The old man. I got hit with $40,000 of fraud the other day. Yeah, but you're rich. Bro, I'm not. What do you mean? Dude, because the same shit happened to me. Somebody was running a full phone number off my number.

Yeah, it must have been some shit like that. My credit was like plummeting. I'm like, why? God. I got one text that said, like you pay pal uh like enrique in texas for five hundred dollars and i said no and it said like okay you've been like compromised we'll cancel your card and send you a new one i was like i actually to be honest i knew i needed to pay my nanny and i knew i needed this card to be active and i got like the fraud alert on let's say Thursday

and I needed to pair the next day and I was like I don't want my card to be cancelled and all that shit so I let it ride like one day and so I go on my I also don't look at my banking like every day and all of a sudden I'm just scrolling

it was PayPal it was like Zelle. It was Cash App. Cash App is where the red flags are. It was MoneyGram, Instacash. Western Union. Western Union, Bell, whatever. And it was just like $1,000, $1,800, $500.

And I knew it was a lot. And I was like, you know, I call up the fraud people and they're like, let's go through the charges and I give them one, two, three and they're like okay we'll take a look at these and I was like

buddy buckle up it was a lot more and they started adding it up and it was like almost like 40 kids and I think I think they put it all back in

but I was like motherfucker I think I just had done some dumb shit too where I like you know they say like don't text your your your don't text your info like right and i think i like sent my mom some info or some shit like the next day that shit happens because i was like what how does that what do you

mean like someone's like watching yes the answer is yes i don't know how but they're fucking doing that shit i think everyone's done with it like i'll be on a flight to and i'll like buy wi-fi and i'm like pull out your card i'm like looking at the guy next to me. Do I trust this man? He's asleep and I'm like, yeah, but are you? I'm like in the bathroom putting in my coat and all that shit. I remember Portnoy. We were at the Super Bowl in Minnesota, however many years ago that was,

and he left. Do you remember the number? I think it was 10. 10K. No, 10 was the fucking when we got arrested with the Brady 4. I think Minnesota's higher. Yeah, I think so too. Let's say like 20 grand.

And he left like 20 grand. He was gambling. He either won, lost, whatever it was. He left 20 grand in cash in the top drawer of the dresser of the Airbnb we rented out. Yeah. And he was just like, it's in God's hands. Like, that's gone now. He was like, the cleaners came through.

They like definitely stole it. And then I'm going to have to like fight them for it. The cleaners left their family. Yeah. He was just like, meh. And I was like, and I mean, now he would probably leave like 200K in there. So this was before he was rich, rich. But I was wondering like like what is the number?

At every level of life, there's a number. Like if I dropped $5 on the ground. Yeah, my level is probably AirPods. If I lose AirPods on a flight. That's a good one. I'm not going to turn out as a grown adult looking under the speed camera. That's in God's hands now. I've been team wired ever since.

I think that was a perfect example of technology not being better. Oh, my God. Yeah, I got wired with him right now. That's what's up. I made videos all the time about AirPods, and I'll be wearing the wires. Like, dude, the videos are in the wires. I'm like, listen, man. All it was on was made up.

We got secrets, dog. Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Yeah. I mean, you drop one pod under the seat on Metro North on the train, you're bending over with your ass in someone's face. It's the inconveniences where you lose an iPhone charger in the hotel. You're like, I'll get one at the airport. Always.

And then like $70. How the fuck? Yeah. Explain to me your markup of 8,000% for a fucking cord. They're always 12 feet long. Those are the best ones, though. I think. The ones that are long, when you're in public.

They look like they're carbon fiber, you know? Yeah, made of metal. It's so long. Those are what they use, what the mob uses to choke people out playing the piano. The piano wires. The cables on the side. The cop's like, what is this? It's an iPhone wire.

There's Android. You have different questions. Damn, the cash app. That's gnarly. Yeah, they got me good, man. But it is kind of dope

how they're just like, we got your back. That is nice. It's like, all right, cool. That's why I heard you should do everything on credit

because it's the bank's money. I'm so, I'm such a child. I'm still. You do debit? I'm still. Dude, I'll rob from you, dude. That's what I know.

You know what it was? This is the thing. This is why I say nothing's changed. When I didn't have money, I hated having a fat credit card bill at the end of the month or whatever. And I know it's all the same, but it's just like when you pay $20 a year, $100 a year, blah, blah, blah, instead of like $10,000 at the end of the month or whatever. So I was like i and

i knew i would also get a little loose with the credit like i'd be buying stupid shit you know so i kept myself accountable and now and probably for in recent years what the level of money i have now being on a debit card is fucking insane like the most childish thing about me bro once i hit 30 i was like i can't be dropping a red card at dinner this looks ridiculous i went to dinner with my buddies for the first time in like a long time and usually we all split it up but i i paid for it and uh you're too mezcal's deep you know papa's got it but i uh it got declined no but like i just had to say yes and then it worked. But it was this funny thing because I was like I got it and all my friends tried to say no. And I was like, fellas, like I missed the last few get-togethers anyway.

I obviously can afford it now. It's all good. She was like, it didn't work. It didn't go through, sir. Did you try tapping it? Yeah. I will say you get that first – the Sapphire card. I got the Chase one.

When that boy hits the track, you feel good. But the decline shit is funny. I remember a girl I dated for a couple of years, anniversary. She really wanted this purse. And I was like, that's fucking pricey. She really wanted it. And I was just in the mindset. I'm still like, go, go, go, fucking Gary Vee shit.

Then I'm like, swipe, cool, good, keep it moving. You're happy. You got the bet. And it's at the Chanel store. And my card declines in front of her and she's like do you want to just put it on my card and i'm like i'm such a fucking jew i'm like yeah i want the points no i can put it on her card i'm like no i'll put it on my card yes that's the right amount it's stupid they keep repeating don't judge me don't judge me yeah but the humbling moment when you get that text is this you and you're like yes

i had that happen by that the conversation once at an eyeglass shop i was just getting sam this is probably seven eight years ago now i was getting standard glasses and like you know when you're in like a quiet room and you like, I know they can hear the other side. I'm not on speakerphone. And you click down and go. Yeah, yeah. Because they know you're trying to hide that. Yeah, you got a cop.

Sorry, I have COVID. But it was like, it wasn't declined because of charges, like the amount. It was declined previously, and I hadn't used it since. And they were like, sir, is a $50 charge from Brazzers? Oh, no. I was like, yes, yes, yes. Fuck, yeah. Anything else, yes.

If that's the last charge, it was like a Saturday morning. I had gone Friday night, came home with a buzz alone, and was like, I'll pop on some porn. And I was like, I know she fucking heard this. I know. She's like, this fucking pervert can't even see. No words that sound close to browsers. Reading because he's watching browsers all night long.

You can see close enough to get your credit card information. That's like one of the coolest things I think I've ever done in this. We shot a sketch on the bang bus. Pop porn. But the guy gave me a lifetime pass to all those websites. Hell yeah. So it's some crazy cryptic like wingdings type thing. Yeah. I think we got a year's worth from Aria.

From porn Aria. Oh, that is nice. Yeah, that was big. I forget about all the time. You get like 12 other sites too. It's like a whole new world. It's almost too much. I do the porn.

Like a diner menu. I can't even decide what to watch when I'm eating. I got my dick out and I'm like, okay, is it doing Dubang Buzz or the sister-in-law stuff? Porn, I'm like with like Google where it's like I'm feeling lucky. Put on whatever. I'll handle the rest. Well, especially if you got the password because then you are – if you go – you totally roll a dice on the regular Pornhub front page. You might see some gross shit, some weird shit, some bad shit.

You're logged in. You're going to get some high-quality 4K quality shit no matter what. It's too much curated. Yeah. You had a good run. I feel like me and Malkova – Oh, yeah. I mean the thing was is we had a few porn stars on our podcast.

Let me tell you. It works. You get a lot of attention. That's the interesting part is Mia came on and then her friends hit us up. Like, hey, I want to do this. And we're like, yeah, let's do it. And then Michael and I, who we do the podcast with, we're at like an event, like at a convention thing. And everyone's like, dude, you guys do the porn podcast.

And I'm like, guys. I know. We've got to scale it back a little bit. We've definitely got hit with that tag uh a few times the porn podcast first of all i said it i'll say forever out of every industry we've ever had on the show adult workers are the nicest coolest most down to earth and some of those business oriented ones yeah and they they reshare they read like they post like that you know a lot of times people forget why we're doing this fucking guest shit you know everybody benefits yeah because they're promoting their name to a bunch of people who are like now maybe checking out the website they're or whatever the fuck but

like i mean i angela white was an example where like her answers were so like businesswoman and smart and like media trained and i don't know what i was expecting but well you know yeah you have your your stereotype in your head. And I'm sure there's a ton of dumb, whatever porn stars would do it, but the top dogs? She was describing her fans, and I tried to be like, oh, that guy sounds like a creep. And she's like, no, I love all my fans. And I was like, I'm the weird one now. But also, that's when you talk off air.

They're like, oh, yeah, he was a creep. Oh, yeah, you love signing the autographs of the guys. He buys houses but yeah he's a book conversations are honestly they're just fascinating you know they are when we had asa akira she used to be a co-host of ours she was the third chair for like a year or two and i was like you're the most fascinating person in like there is there are porn stars who who are you know do what you do and there are people who write books and there are people who are as smart as you but there's not one person who does all of that shit you do and there are people who write books and there are people who are as smart as you, but there's not one person who does all of that shit. When you can have a real conversation

and then she can also tell you about the time she did triple anal, there's not another person on the planet. You're not going to not have a question after that. If you said you did triple anal, I'd be like, yeah, that's crazy, man. What a wild night. The fraud. You're like, tell me, how does this even work? Where do they stay?

Is it logistics? It's fascinating. It's also what the people want. What a wild night. The fraud. But you're like, tell me, how does this even work? Where do they stay? Give me the logistics. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I mean, it's fascinating. It's also what the people want. Yeah, but there is a, that unfortunately, you start to get the tag of, I personally don't care. It's a lot like talking about money. It's like, I don't care who's going to be sponsors and other people who go like, whoa,

whoa, whoa. I don't want to listen to that. Yeah, I mean, we try to, you know, it's like it's, we'll do an episode like that, and then we'll go just solo, and then we'll do like a Bobby Lee's, and like those people I love talking to, too. It's like, you know, I don't have like a favorite type of guest. It's just like it's hard to see the numbers that that does, and then be like, well, let's interview a Stanford student.

How many times have you done anal? On campus? With the tree mask on? Bro, I mean, when we started like a mask on? We started a company on the back of a Bella Danger. Her answer to the internet did 10 million views and then we launched the card game.

I'm being a little bit exaggerating. She did it three or four times and she had the number one, the number two, and the number three highest views ever. There's an audience for it. listen people but she's also one that can you know we're gonna hit sex on the conversation but she also was talking about bro she went to college she's going back to school yes so she's the avm did she tell you about the the debate team she's on the debate team so now imagine you're like she said she stepped up up to like the podium or whatever the fuck it is and there's like a 19-year-old sophomore who now needs to debate the reconstruction era of the Civil War America.

And you walk up and it's fucking a Bella Danger. She said he was like – I feel like the final level boss of the debate team would send in and be like, you think you got this handled? Here's a Bella. It's like, yeah, I'm sure she's good at it, but she doesn't even need to be. She can just be like, I'm going to watch you crumble before my eyes.

You've seen inside of me. Literally. A speculum. I've seen inside. But yeah, I feel like... It's just fascinating to me. I met Johnny Sins and I was like, dude, when like the last scene you did I met him at like 2pm

and he goes today I'm like dude I got a coffee doing a scene right now I like but like just the schedule they're on and how they eat

and everything it's a fascinating world dude I said alarms to fuck literally that's crazy literally I have morning sex it's good times

I rolled over and someone was there I never was like alright time to go fuck I also I rolled over and someone was there. I never was like, all right, time to go fuck. Cock time. I also hate the idea that there is a stigma where it's like, they're like, you guys are obsessed with porn or whatever. It's like, I can do this and it's not a big deal.

You're the one who seems to have some issue with it. You're talking about it. It's like, I'll talk to a porn star and then the next day talk to an athlete. Next day talk to a comic. You're the one who seems to be grasping on to all the porn episodes tension it's not like i like we like have them on like the comments like i bet they fucked after this no they are out of there for real they're like had a fun time i got 14 other things and most often we've seen when we when we get to know someone they come on the show a few times i

actually stopped watching their shit yeah not totally some people are dropped yeah but like you know off camera, they're all married and you're like, oh. Angel White has been married for seven years. She came in here and had Glennie Balls palming her pussy. She was trying to explain how she likes I guess a palm

on her clit instead of fingers. She's literally standing like this. New York City taxi cab. She was like, if you's literally standing like this and she's like so if you just kind of New York City taxicab so she was like if you just kind of do it like this and Glennie's on the other side of the couch and he's kind of doing it wrong and she was like onto her can you just just give me just come here and she's

like put his hand like on her and she was like if you just push like this and Glennie's like oh interesting okay cool what is his mind he's on a whirlwind he is on a he's on a roller coaster because he's like he's like the king of the like he has the keys to the kingdom right now yeah because these girls come to him and they're like if i go on glennie's show i'm gonna get 5 000 new subscribers and that's that's a life-changing amount of money for some of these girls oh yeah so they're hitting up

fucking glenn balls glenn it's balls can i come on your. Can I come on your show? Can I come on your show? And he's like, maybe. But that's why everybody benefits. We get the views. More people find out about the podcast. But then more people Google them and search their OnlyFans, what they're all about.

And you hear the craziest shit. Yeah. I mean, there's been times where when the episode of whoever was on it was Emily Willis, then after our episode, she was trending on Pornhub because of the clips and everything.

So everybody benefits. Abella's answer to the internet uploaded to Pornhub as well. Not we, she did it on her channel. So like if you search her shit, there's like all her regular stuff and then like a Barstool video.

Do you have like a brand deal in there? What's that? Do you sneak a brand deal? We should. But I think the crazy thing is I believe, and Paz, maybe check this out,

I believe her answer to the internet on her Pornhub channel has a million views. Like someone's going to jerk off. And like, you know what, Abella's being funny. I'll put this thing away for a little bit. Yeah, no arms and no legs. I got to know this.

Oh, I would have gone with legs. 3.3 million. 3.3 million. Do you know how funny you have to be? That's like half of California. How interesting and funny something has to be for someone to put their heart and dick away. I bet the comment is like,

I came here to jerk off. Read the top one of those. Big fan from Portland, Maine. Bella, link to YouTube. Okay. And then the next one is, I think that Scarlett Johansson is now legally obligated to make and release a sex tape.

I think her answer was like, what's a sex tape I want to watch? It's always interesting to see celebrities away from what they usually do. That's why we do it. obligated to make and release a sex tape i think her answer was like and then the other one it's always interesting to see celebrities away from what they usually do that's why we do it especially when it's something that actually allows to see their personality oh yeah and the third one is not my best fat but yeah that's the real one that's the fucking one that's great um was i feel like i i started following along with stiff socks and seeing all the clips right around like when me and malco was coming on and shit were you guys had you already popped and you were on your way or was that a big turning point or was that just it might

just because that's when i started following but were you always going i think that really like we had a steady core like every week would be like this same like 40k on YouTube and then like the same like 75k on audio. It's like every week, every week, the same like core group who's great. Right. And then we did that. And then it's just like this whole new wave of just like people that came in and everything started. And they stuck around. What's that?

They stuck around. Some. Yeah. I mean, there's definitely a lot of people who are just like a horned up and they're just waiting for the boss and they're like, what the fuck? That is crazy. That's what you do. It's like bring the for the boss and they're like, what the fuck? That is crazy. That's what you do. It's like bring the horny people and they're like, and actually, those two guys were kind of funny. How much that lasts?

Because like it definitely – Being horny? No, like the – because there's so much – and maybe it's just because who I follow and like it's because there's so much OnlyStands on my feeds now and there's so much like other shit. But like it seems like there are so many sex podcasts now. There's a lot. We were like the tag of like the seems like there are so many sex podcasts now where like there's a lot we were like the tag of like the porn podcast for granted it was a fair tag our co-host was asakira she's one of the most but it was also a time where it we were just like a little early like i mean a lot of a lot of brands were a little nervous and a lot of people were like

all they do is talk about sex and while that wasn't necessarily true perception kind of becomes reality and all that shit. Yeah. But also, fast forward, probably that was like three, four, whatever years earlier, you know, Alex Cooper became fucking Oprah. Yeah. And all she was doing was talking about jalapeno seeds in your dick hole after you have sex with a Mexican woman.

You have anal with a Mexican. It's crazy how much the world just became like, I don't know if it's a feminist movement or whatever but they were just like yeah no i think it's also interesting because you can listen to it in public and it's not like a youtube screen where it's like yeah it's not like you're watching that on a bus people like the fuck is wrong with you yeah if you're listening to walking around like a little more like private so i think that yeah i kind of feel more comfortable with that i recently moved to the privacy screen oh you got that one because i I was always like, so... I was like, people are looking at me.

Well, actually, out in New York, I get it. There's always people over your shoulder. It was like someone at the airport was like, oh, on Twitter a lot, huh? And I was like, all right. I was like, no. It was literally, it was probably a month ago. And I was like, and the freedom,

I look at anything now. So I follow a few porn stars. You're watching porn on the bus, aren't you? People look down the show. Twitter will give you porn whether you like it or not. Yeah, so there'll be times where I were times where i'm scrolling like oh there's also like like a lot of porn stars and it might even been them who kind of like inspired me to to start using social less because i could i could tell their social habits whereas like i was like

oh they come on have three tweets a couple retweets and they're gone again yeah and i was like i gotta check the boxes I thought that was cool. But also, if you're scrolling in public, you end up in a fucking well, where you're like, oh, shit, there's like nine naked photos in a row. I got to scroll fast. And I'd get so uncomfortable with that. Now I'm just like, I'll slowly scroll down. But if somebody's directly behind you, they can see it,

just asides they can. Yeah, you have to be like, oh, nothing. It's like it's off. People probably think you're just staring at an off phone. How hungover is this guy? Turn it on, please. Lord of God, where's my 12-foot iPhone charger? Typing on nothing.

Well, that was like – I feel like in college, if you want to look busy or at a party or you didn't know anybody, you just pull out your calculator and fake type on there. People probably think you're doing that shit in the corner just checking Venmo transactions make sure you didn't get hacked that's where the dirt

happens by the way you want to see who's fucking who and shit dude you can see who's doing drugs it's really I mean it's wild

they have I know Snapchat took that away years ago where it's like your most snap people but like Venmo is still just like who's doing

it's like if you send somebody a snowflake emoji probably drugs. I'm not even hiding it at that point. No, that's what I do for rent. When I buy drugs, I put rent. You've got rent

three times this weekend? $2,700. Dude, I had a girlfriend who she gave up social media for Lent. The relationship didn't last because she was a person who gave up things for Lent. And she was like – You gave up her for Lent.

And she was like – she was like, yeah. I was like, so what do you do all day? Like you're still on your phone a lot. What do you mean you're not on social media? She's like, I just scroll Venmo. I was like, that's fucking bizarre. You're on social media. You do other weird – you You're looking through QuickBooks.

It's like, it makes sense. Yeah, it's like what you do to stimulate your brain instead of that is almost worse. Yeah. I really can't believe how much people used to just sit and think. How old are you now? 30. You're a little younger than me, but yeah, you were around prior to that. It was just like you just would think about things.

You just put a Walkman on it. Yeah. I guess music really was a lifesaver. That's why iPods were the shit. But if it was dead. The fuck would you just wait? You just sit there. You're on the train, and you don't have your music.

You don't have service or whatever, and you're just like. Well, now it's weird to see somebody not doing anything. Yeah. Which is why I intentionally don't. You or whatever. You're just like, well, now it's weird to see somebody not doing anything. Yeah. That's not nice. Which is why I intentionally don't. If you see someone on it, everyone else has their head down. They're watching a tablet. If there's someone who's just. I've seen it.

That person. Seen it. Has a bomb strapped to their chest. You putty it. You what? Putty it. That's what David Putty did in Seinfeld. Yeah, or he just sits there.

Where Elaine's like, you don't have a book or anything? He's like, no. He just sits there like that. And she's like, well, do you want to borrow a magazine? He's like, no, I'm good. So you're just gonna see like i think they you know elena and putty broke up all the time i think they break up over just like so you're just gonna sit here the entire i saw probably a couple months ago a guy just sitting there just just that's either a person who's crazy or like happy i think if i'm if i just have my thoughts i'm like oh wait about this what

about that what about this i gotta go on Twitter and look at somebody else's shit. I mean, it's hilarious to the fact that flying isn't enough. Entertainment can be a good side to look at. The most beautiful, unbelievable work, 30,000 feet in the air. Maybe just experience trying to take it all in.

I like edit on flights because I don't like to think that I'm like, oh, I'm just in a tube in the sky. I actually do find flights to be like – I like edit on flights because I don't like to think that I'm like, oh, I'm just in a tube in the sky. I actually do find flights to be the one place I truly – I used to be able to just sit on the couch, watch TV for 100 hours, be good, no problems. Now I get anxiety. I feel like I'm being lazy. I'm like I should be hanging out with my kids. I should be doing more work, whatever. When you're in a plane, that's it.

You can't. Let me put on Fast and the Furious 5 and just fucking watch it two times in a row. Let me just knock out for a nap. See, the guy watched it twice in a row. Listen to this. He loves that shit. He loves Fast and the Furious. I've seen a couple here and there,

but I'm like, I got to watch with you. I got to get your references. We got to watch them together one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think I had fallen asleep for – we were going to Amsterdam. It was like eight hours or whatever. So I fell asleep for a little while. I wake up, and he's like half way through the movie.

And I was like, tell me where you're at, and I'll just fast forward to that point. And he goes, no, no, no. I'll just start over. And you were like an hour and 10 minutes in. And he just went. And we just started over. That's always dedication when somebody will do that for you. There's like three episodes in.

Like, dude, I'll just start with you. It was the most. I was like, I love you, dude. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. But what was even funnier is the scenes he had just watched, like 45 minutes earlier, he was still like. Oh, yeah. He did it. He did it.

He did it. Just like a puppy dog with a new ball. It's like, this is fucking the best day ever, dude. Dude, I love sharing the things I love with people I love. And I'm like, bro, did you see? That's what I'm doing. Did we play? So we were on the same exact time?

Oh, right, right, right. I'm very much, I know it's a debate people have where they're like, I don't want to see if you've already seen it. And if I'm watching it with a girl or a guy, I'm like, no, like, I don't want to see if you've already seen it. And, and like if I'm watching with a girl or a guy, I was like, no, no, no,

I want to watch it again. Yeah. It's like, no, that kind of ruins those. Watch them. You both haven't seen like, no,

no, I want to watch this with you. I want to share this with you. I think next time you're on a flight, you're going to do the person sitting next to you. Like without them knowing, pick what exactly what they're doing and click it at the same time. They're like,

this shit's getting good. They used to do that right like buses and planes used to play on TV yes you're all watching

that together hell sized TV in the middle I think that's something we don't have anymore as a society it's like the shared

experience viewing because even the things that like we've talked about before but like The Last of Us was a big show

everyone watched but like some of it started at 9.02 some started at 9 o'clock and you don't really, really feel it. Even live events. Because some people are watching on streaming.

Some people are watching on cable. Some people are watching it on apps and shit like that. And you're like, no one's really watching this. So you send tweets about it. And people are like, oh, I'm not even at that part yet. It's like, well, it's a football game. What do you mean you're not at that part yet? Or I see tweets.

I'm like, I'm not at that part yet. I did it the other day with Mike Grinnell. I was watching the Bruins. And Grinnell tweeted, like, holy shit, goal of the year. And I, for the not at that part yet. I did it the other day with Mike Grinnell. I was watching the Bruins, and Grinnell tweeted, like, holy shit, goal of the year. And I, for the next five minutes, I was like, when's this goal happening? When's this goal happening? He was watching a different game. Isn't it funny to just, like, tweet random shit about sports

during the biggest sporting events? Like, it was March Madness or whatever. You could just start tweeting, I can't believe he would say that. I'm trying to give up Twitter sports Twitter I can't do it anymore I just

I deleted the app as a whole did you? so I'm trying I've been talking about this with all of our guests recently I started I have a burner that I use for

I do still think Twitter is a great place for information yeah no I wish I still had it so I don't tweet from it I don't interact I just have a timeline but that i use for i do still think twitter is a great place for information yeah no i i wish i still had i don't tweet from it i don't interact i just have a timeline but i don't have mentions so i don't get caught up in arguing with people and all that shit do you tweet at people or no no so i don't send tweets kg yeah oh yeah no no uh durant durant durant yeah durant loves his burner so he had the openly like, I have my burner.

That's so funny. You don't do that? No. Well, we'll see. We'll see what I get into. Yeah, you can probably admit it. Yeah, like eventually I'm going to start fucking manning. But I was like, that's my first step to just getting rid of it altogether because it really does not.

All social media? No, no, no, Twitter. It does not bring you any value, right? No, I mean, it used to be. Before TikTok, that was the video spot. Like, it did great, Twitter. It does not bring you any value, right? No, I mean, it used to be, before TikTok, that was the video spot. It did great for me. More so than Instagram?

There was a period where, yeah, because it has the shareability. This is pre-reels, this is pre-TikTok. Reels kind of help, like it's got there, but Instagram just misses

the straight up retweet. Like the bam and then it's on your timeline. The retweet can just snowball the fuck out of something. That's just how viral works. That's why like my first videos that did well in like 2017 were on Facebook because just reshare. Yeah. It can just snowball the fuck out of something that's just how viral works that's why like my first videos i did well in like 2017 were on facebook because just reshare yeah it can just

snowball effect yeah so it's great for that right on your page that's it and then i just everybody all the video people went to tiktok when that happened and then so did i and then i started posting on twitter again and every time i'd post i'd like lose followers i was like guys what am i doing i'm just the same but there's a moment where it was like, that was a place. Everything was hit. And then it just stopped. And then it just psychologically. The worst. I would lose followers making a video.

And then I'm like, is the video not funny? And they're like, no, you're just not active. And you post a video every two weeks. People are just like, why do I follow this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been doing that. I'd never unfollowed. I unfollowed Netflix.

I was like, why the fuck do I follow Netflix? There's retweets and stuff about beef. I don't even fucking watch the show. why the fuck do I follow Netflix? There's retweets and stuff about beef. I don't even fucking watch the show. What the fuck do I care about this? Also, I don't know how they decide what to feed you, but I'm getting right-wing political nuts. They're feeding me both sides. You get stuff on your timeline?

My timeline is towards you. They said the for you. I'd never use that. Yeah, but if you do that, it's interesting to see what they feed you and why. Vids that go hard is one of them. I heard that. I like going on Facebook still.

The pages are unreal. Unreal. There's nothing better than a very political meme that's desaturated 45 times. It's grainy. It looks like it went through the washing machine. I saw a guy just get hit in the like it went through the washing machine. You know? I saw a guy just get hit in the head with an ax the other day. Jesus.

And I knew it was going to happen. And I watched it. It was like, you know what it was? Remember that horrible video like last winter maybe where the neighbors fought over the shoveling in the snow? And the guy just came out. I didn't see it, but it was bad. Tim Dole was talking about it i remember yeah it was bad and and the guy just took a screenshot of like the garage that it happened and it was he posted it as like a this was the most fucked up thing i've ever seen on the internet

he didn't post the video but it was like if you've seen it you remember it sort of thing yeah it's like when you see the casting couch yeah yeah yeah you just know like the scene from you see a horse and then you know what's coming next. And then someone said, yeah, that one was bad, not as bad as this one. And I watched it. And it was a guy. I think they were on meth or something. It said two teenagers.

They were sitting on a couch like this. Imagine if you just had your head buried in your phone. And he was holding a hatchet. And I was just like, I know what's going to happen. I know what he's going to do with that. And I watched it anyway. And it just went, just to the homie and it stuck in there and it made a noise like a watermelon splashing on the on the sidewalk and then he just walked on twitter so what's wrong with me i think about the time i stopped filters none which i kind of like i'm like it is sort of the last bastion the last like wild

west but that's we don't need that I think the day I stopped putting down red cards I stopped watching videos that I knew was going to be horrific what do you mean red cards was that? when I was like I can't have a Bank of America

on the dinner table oh yeah yeah when someone's like hey this video's really bad I'm like I'm not going to watch it I did used to have some warped

like pride in like I've seen everything on the internet man I'm from the internet 1.0 i've olden days you don't remember faces of death it's like you're not cool if you watch meth heads chop each other heads off my roommate in college would do that his kid gary he'd like in my room like

7 a.m saturday we're both extremely hungover you want to see someone get beheaded no no gary was the first red flag gary that name yeah that name's trouble like sit in the living room you could just hear the video and he would laugh like oh that's crazy yeah you're just playing it now i gotta visualize it we was always that one kid who knew like way too much about like leak.com or bombs world and all that shit yeah yeah we were talking before you came in here about like uh your nighttime movies and like shit you fall asleep to. This is crazy. Recently, my genre has been dark, depressing shit.

I'm not watching it. I put it on once I decide, okay, I'm going to bed. There's a lot of times where I'm like, I'll just vibe and I'll just chill in bed, but I want to actively watch TV still. Then it's like, okay, I'm going to start going to sleep now. I'll put it on and it's been Spotlight.

It's about the Catholic Church raping children. Then it's like, okay, this is like I'm going to start going to sleep now. I'll put it on and it's been Spotlight. The Boston – It's about the Catholic Church raping children. The Globe rapes. That's his sleepy time. That's your white noise. But it's a very calm – I think we should go back to that doctor you were at. My shoulder is not brain.

What happened? It's a very calm show. A lot of movies, you don't know when they're going to get loud and shit like that. It's through it. It's always very calm show like they a lot of movies like you don't know when they're gonna get loud and shit like that it's a it's through it it's always very quiet there's no rape in the fucking show in the movie and then the music's very soothing it's kind of like church belly music for apropos reasons and but i wake up a lot now and so like i just put it back on whenever i wake up i have my room right there so like just last night, whoever is monitoring my HBO Max sees I watch Spotlight four times. I put it on at 11.

I put it on at 4 a.m. I put it on at 6 a.m. I put it on at 8 a.m. I just wake up. Your algorithm is fucked. I fall asleep in 20 seconds. Did your neighbors look through your window and be like, what the fuck? No, they had the other view.

They see me pounding off to it. Oh, there you go. There you go. That's a proud American right there. He's watching porn off to it. That's a proud American right there. He's watching porn on TV. That's good Catholic porn. It's Ruffalo being like, we got to stop these priests. Yeah, I was like, I fall asleep to Pawn Stars.

I thought I was fucking weird. I've also been hitting Worth is another one. Kreischer listens to a Nazi, a Hitler podcast every night. That's what Tom always gets on. It's like, what the fuck is that? He just has like incredible facts about Hitler all the time. It's all the vodka in his head. They just marinate together and they're just like, this feels right. Who knows what you're getting.

Because the thing is, you're right. When you do that shit, you fall asleep quickly. But I don't know. Your ears are still hearing it. Your brain's probably still processing. I haven't heard you're supposed to pronounce something in different languages to fall asleep because your brain is like so lost in what they're saying that you kind of just doze out. You don't connect to it are still hearing it your brain's probably still processing I haven't heard something in different languages to fall asleep because your brain is like so lost

in what they're saying that you kind of just doze out you don't connect to it it's just white noise but you're like I don't know what they're saying and you can't understand

I usually did something you're not actually interested in but you don't I usually did like comedies that I've seen a million times because then it basically

became a bedtime story I wouldn't even watch the TV I'd roll over but I've seen it 10,000 times I can literally picture it in my head. And it's just someone telling me a story. And then, but then they, first of all,

we complained so long about Netflix asking if you're still watching that no one else asks anymore. And now you just wake up nine seasons deep. It doesn't ever turn off. You can't remember what episode you were on. And like Modern Family's still running. Veep's still running. It's like, I want to go to bed. I don't want to wake up to this still be on.

Because you definitely have a worse sleep. So I've started going to sleep to movies. And it seems like, like I said, it's been Spotlight and Worth. So Horrific. That's the one where Michael Keaton plays the lawyer, who's actually from Brockton, Mass, I believe, who decides what every family gets oh for 9-11 right yeah another slow this it doesn't show the act of 9-11 it's slow and

soothing and it's just discourse rather than chaos happening you know everybody's got the white noise i use like a seven dollar fan you know yeah you know what's fucked up is that I always tell the story about how Theo Epstein. That's one of my craziest stories. Theo Epstein, when he left the Red Sox, had a full expose in ESPN, the magazine, whatever it was. And it was just talking about the end of his tenure in Boston. And he was talking about how depressed he was and how much anxiety he had just throughout his whole career there. And he said he knew he had to get out when one night he was at Fenway in his office, overlooked Fenway.

And Fenway was lights out. It's this dark, empty field, empty stadium. And he was just staring out, listening to the air traffic controllers' recordings of plane crashes. What the fuck? I was like, that's insane. And then now I'm probably about Theo's age. Mayday, mayday, mayday. We're going down.

We're going. I would guess I'm about Theo's age at that time when he left the Red Sox. I would guess he was probably about 34. Well, that's an extra year, right? It's a slippery slope. Shit gets depressing in your late 30s, man. Watch the fuck out. You've been in the game

so long that you're like yeah you're 30 but you're like 50 you know what I mean in fucking digital years yeah

I mean that's what's great about you look you're in shape yeah I still got auditions for like an 18 year old kid I like to game for auditions I'm like fuck yeah

dude let me hit that puff bar to feel something yeah I mean I'm fucking 30 i've been making videos since i was like 20 so crazy you know i mean but that's what's great about the stand-up world like it goes until you're dead people die with dates on the tour and then literally in the grave so it's like you know video stuff i love doing and i like still love it i think um you know you hit a point where just the videos – like due to Mr. Beast, like YouTube is not what it was five years ago, like that type of comedy.

Everybody on YouTube is like doing like challenges. It's like a $5 sandwich versus a $10,000 sandwich and you're like, I must fucking figure it out. Is it a tuna mayo with too much mayo? That's kind of the lane it's in and it's like I don't really want to adapt to that because it's not my style and maybe I'll try it and if it bombs whatever but i'm also just like that's the way the internet's going stand-up is always stand-up yeah but also you know the internet comes and goes like and i still make the content that i make and you should man because it's like that first of all is going to be what you're good at because you're into it your heart's in it i don't want to chase the trends and because then you know by the time you master the challenge trend the algorithm's like nope we

don't do that anymore it's like that's why i just steady stay with what i do yep and as it has its like peaks and troughs you might not hit the high highest of highs but you're not at the lows either you just kind of stay in between maintaining yeah i'm just throwing fuel of the fire dude mr beast is it's it's wild the the he he uh kind of like set me free in a way. Really? Where I was like, when he cured all those blind people and people were mad at him, I was like, okay, I'm going to stop trying to please everybody.

Because even this guy, you could do the most, the nicest. They got out on the other day, he gave a girl a car. And this is the same thing when they did with Oprah too. It's like, oh great,

you just gave someone a big tax bill. And they were like, he offered to pay the taxes. And he also offered to give you the cash value of the car if you couldn't take the car. So what about that? And it's just like, he's just, it's hard. I actually almost do understand because it's hard to imagine someone just being that nice because the world sucks. But he's like, and yes, there are some uh personal motivations that like it's like

yeah my channel's gonna get bigger and i will make more money but he also has his like his foundation is like every penny i make here goes to people who need it and they're like well that's fucking you know you're doing it for clicks it's like what are you supposed to do yeah dude that are muck bangs what are we doing and that. Giving out cars or eating sandwiches That is the thing. They are often, you know, interesting or touching or funny and it's like a good content.

To your point, I think I've been on YouTube for six, seven years. It's like the phases that it goes through is wild. Like David Dobrik's vlogs

were everywhere. That was the thing and that was like the challenge base. There's minivores like mukbangs, there's ASMR. Sketch comedy

has never really been, well, there's definitely times with sketch comedy. I'd say back in the day, like maybe like 2013, 2014. It was never like the thing. It might be for a little bit, but it was never – like it's just always been steady. But it's always like these challenges or like pranks. Pranks.

Pranks in 2015. With like FouseyTube and like Vitaly, if you know those guys. Those were like the OG like pranks. And that was when the monetization was crazy. These dudes were making like 100K on a video. Just wild. They'd buy a Bugatti and just total it and get a couple of Deweys. Didn't monetize that.

That's what you got to do. Getting a DUI on my Bugatti. You see, you're the one telling me about it. There was one recently that he got shot, right? There was a YouTuber that got shot. I think I saw it. And he's got the video and he's not releasing it. I'm like, you're crazy.

You're crazy. Patreon.com. For real, dude. Put that bitch on. I think I saw it. And he's got the video, and he's not releasing it. I'm like, you're crazy. You're crazy. Patreon.com. For real, dude. Put that bitch on a paywall. For real. And then he got shot. Is Nick there? That's Jack.

Like outside like a cheesecake. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know who that is? He got kidnapped by the Taliban. I shouldn't laugh, but he went to – some YouTuber went to like, I guess – Lord Miles, I believe his name is. Do we know him? Do I know him?

Do you want to know why I know him? No. Do you know who his right hand man is on YouTube? Take a guess. Is that? Nope. Much closer to us. Much closer to us.

That went through my head and I was like, nah, I don don't know i don't know exactly what he does for but i i know he i think he but so do you know what this guy did he just went to like film the i know what his thing is is he just goes to he went to ukraine like once the war started he um weren't he's a war chaser he not war it just he goes to the most dangerous places in the world and like youtube's it guess what he did uh i. I honestly don't know if I can say. I don't think I know when he did. That is like highly illegal. And I'm not going to say it because I know snitches here.

I actually think it might be out. Let me Google it. Just vlog January 6th. If it's. There had to be somebody who vlogged January 6th, right? Had to be. What's up, guys? This is Starman of the Capitol brought to you by Bluetooth. What did the

dude who got captured recently? Is that out? Is that this guy? That's him. I don't know what... Give me a Google. Okay, so he did it. He went. It's a post-it. He went to Snake Island, which is like an island with like... It's just... It's illegal to go on.

It's off the coast of Brazil. It's just full of snakes like i think it's some shit like the brazilian naval ship like crashed off at once it had snakes on it and then they just fucking multiplied and it's just it's just it's like indiana just overrun with snakes and he went on it because he's he's british and he went on it like in like full medieval armor and like ran across the island or some shit like that. That's fun. That is actually – sounds like a dope YouTube video. I thought he was going to dress up like a snake. So he got captured there or no?

No, no, no. This is the Taliban. The Taliban, yeah. So he, I don't know, goes to Afghanistan to film a fucking vlog and gets snatched up by the Taliban. I mean, that sentence alone, yeah, I could have told you that. A vlog in Afghanistan is not worth it. I mean, that's got to be one of those like, it'll never happen to me. It's like, bro, it's going to work, dude. I mean, that's got to be one of those, like, it'll never happen to me.

It's like, bro, it's going to happen to you. Yeah. Would you rather get, you know, fucking eaten by a snake or captured by the Taliban? Eat by a snake. That's going to go faster. Yeah, I was going to say. A snake bite. But, like, Taliban might let you out.

Yeah, but I think I'd rather just die. If they're going to torture me? But no, maybe not even. I'm just thinking maybe – I don't know. Sometimes the Taliban is like – they want to keep the peace relatively. If they're just like killing YouTube vloggers, I think they're going to get in trouble. Well, there actually was last week I think it was the Taliban. I heard this.

A lot of employees I suppose you call them are upset at the lack of jihad. It's not hardcore. It's something else. Yeah. It's like I just got a 9-to-5 job now. I have to fucking – Where are the suicide bombs? Where are my 40,000 virgins?

I'm going to Google that too. It is like – I'm going to just Google Taliban tired of work. You know what that is, bro? That's like – I wonder if you have a privacy screen over there. Wait a minute. You're tired of the work? March 17th, 2023, Time magazine

headline is, Taliban militants fed up with office culture, ready to quiet quit. This is time.com! Where's HR? Yo. Almost two years after Taliban's takeover of Afghanistan. The jihadists who transitioned from battlefields

to paper-pushing government jobs in the city are ready to quit. The Afghanistan Analyst Network, a non-profit policy research organization working to increase the understanding

of life in Afghanistan released a report last month examining how jihadists who took over the Kabul many of them arrived in the capital for the first time were finding new city life

and their new roles. I want to find a couple of tidbits in here. We couldn't destroy the Taliban, but office work destroyed the Taliban, said one TikToker. You know what this is? This is Barstool. We got an email from HR this week that was like,

Is HR here? Exactly, bro. We have HR, and they've turned into a party planning committee, basically. Oh, really? And they sent an email. They try to be fun. Yes. It was around the Masters, and they've turned into the party planning committee, basically. Oh, really? And they said to me now. They try to be fun. Yes. It was around the Masters. So they were like, put your work away and come up before 5 o'clock because we're going to party.

And we were like, pfft. There was a lot of thought that way. Yeah. Yeah. And so we were like, Barstool is no longer edgy. These guys, the Taliban, is like, we got to blow up some buildings. Yeah, dude. I checked in at the front desk. They had a whole thing of masks here. I was like, Marcel is no longer edgy. These guys, the Taliban, it's like, we got to blow up some buildings. Yeah, dude, I checked in at the front desk, they had a whole thing of masks here.

I was like, what is this? Not that I'm a political guy, but I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Fucking lame as shit. I thought it'd be like, just craft singles out there or something. Fucking cheese me up, dog. Huzaifa, a 24-year-old former sniper, said,

the Taliban used to be free of restrictions, but now we sit in one place behind a desk and a computer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Life becomes very wearisome. You do the same thing every day. In our ministry, there's little work for me to do, said Abulnafi25. Therefore, I spend most of my time on Twitter. We're connected to speedy Wi-Fi and internet. Many Mujahideen, including me, are addicted to the internet, especially Twitter.

This is a podcast. Yes, start your podcast next a podcast also he's 24 retired i recommend taliban do some hypothetical questions have some porn stars on yeah what i don't like about kabul is it's ever increasing traffic you know all that different around the world these days you have to go to the office before 8 a.m and stay until 4 p.m if you around the world you're driving L.A. New York it's all the same man

these days you have to go to the office before 8am and stay until 4pm if you don't go you're considered absent

and this wage that day is a couple of years salary we're now used to it but it's

especially difficult in the first two or three months bro I used to fucking

pop heads and now I'm just addicted to Twitter you want to spread peace and democracy

it'll work for a little bit it'll go the other way pretty quick too. But just get everyone on Twitter. Again, it will spoil. What was that Drake line?

Trigger fingers turn to Twitter fingers? Drake was predicting the future. That's the new GI fucking Taliban line. Why does everybody hate each other? We're all the same. We're all the same. Everybody's on Twitter just yelling at somebody. A fucking Taliban diss track. We're all the same. Everybody's on Twitter just yelling at somebody.

A fucking Taliban diss track. Your trigger fingers turned to Twitter fingers. It's so fucking perfect, man. You pussies don't even... One of my favorite things on the internet, always and forever, will be the Taliban training videos where they can't do jumping jacks and shit. It wasn't Taliban. It was Iraq.

It was Iraq. When we try to install our like puppet regimes we send over all the weapons and shit to whatever side we're on you know and then we send over like our armies to train them train and they are such spazzes for some reason i don't know they just i don't know they're not if you've never done a jumping jack it's a it's a i bet you can't do a correct jumping jack right now I bet you I could this is PE days

do I not know what a jumping jack is alright you nailed it I was curious to know where this was going dude I was like maybe I don't know

what I'm doing with a jumping jack but the school ones you gotta get the like connect when I was a kid they were like the legs were wrong

it's a lot it was like when you could do this in class yeah yeah yeah the back and the head rub that was good You get to connect. When I was a kid. They were like, the legs were wrong. It's a lot. It was like when you could do this in class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The back and the head rub. That was good. I can do it, but I got to think about it for a second. Oh, yeah. You just ripped it, dude.

We're good, yeah. I struggled for a bit. With jumping jacks? I just couldn't. I would have my arms going out as my legs were coming in. Yeah, you were doing that. And I couldn't lie. Well, you are a spaz.

I got it now. Don't worry. 34 years in. But those guys, doing it. I couldn't lie. Well, you are a Spats. I got it now. Don't worry. 34 years in the head. But those guys, I also think those guys are like... watching Spotlight. But I remember

reading part of that was like, they are, it's statistically like the dumbest place on earth because they're just like uneducated.

They don't go to school. They're like not... I'm worried about drones dropping bombs out of the sky. I don't think i'll need calculus yeah yeah exactly yeah so what what i mean it's it's weird so we have a couple people at barstool like your age and even some of them younger started at like 18 yeah but you're like 10 years in the game yeah yeah podcast is killing it doing specials, doing stand up

it's almost like, do you just keep doing this? I think so this is the new social media used to be like the sound cloud where you get discovered on YouTube and then you get drafted to the big leagues but now the big leagues is social media that's where the consumers are

people in my field want to go on TV but actors want to have the social followings it's like it's a grass is always a type of green yeah yeah i thought it'd be embarrassing to be like 36 but yeah swipe up right i mean that's the future making the money is it's it's growing your fan base it's like five years ago if you said you're a youtuber i mean somebody would just ash the cigarette in your forehead become a member of society. Same thing with blogger. You get paid for that? There's articles that kids now in school,

they say what their dream job is, it's all YouTubers. 20 years ago, it was firefighter. Astronaut. TikTok, I want to be Charlie D'Amelio. That's literally what they put. This is the now. You know what I was talking about?

Jacob Sartorius. Remember that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, sadly, yeah. I think sadly, he was one of the most hated dudes on the internet at like 13. And I think it fucked

with him good. I can imagine. He made a great business. That happened to the writing business, but he himself was like Star Wars kid came out a while ago too

and was like, he's like Star Wars kid. That was the only video he ever did. Fat kid on the... Yeah, and he's like, yeah, it ruined me as a person. A billion people making fun of me for. The fat kid on the – Yeah. He's like, yeah, it ruined. That's a person.

A billion people making fun of me for being a fat nerd. Well, that's why I think the gradual rise to popularity in any social aspect is really the best for your brain. Because if you just wake up one day all of a sudden, you're just everywhere. It's overstimulating. And then your next calculated move is dependent on what they want, not what you want. You're like, what's the next video? What do they want? But you don't have enough of a foundation to know what the next month not what you want. You're like, what's the next video? What do they want? But you don't have enough of a foundation to know

what the next month looks like. Right, right. No, it's like also, they are stupid. So don't worry about what they want. They're fucking morons. I mean, that's what rappers,

they fuck up if they have the one hit. They don't have a big catalog and their one hit pops off. You're like, where do I go from here? Right. There's not really a right,

it's hard because if you make something that sounds too close to the original song, you're like, this shit sounds like the same. Yeah. But if you go too far off, like the fuck is this? We liked you because of the old shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same thing with TV shows. Like True Detective, the writer for season one, worked on that like his whole life. That was his idea like 10 years ago that he perfected. And they were like, cool, cool, cool. Season two in nine months. Same thing with comedy specials.

You worked eight years, nine years, 10 years on a comedy special. And then the streamer's like, cool, cool, cool, season two in nine months? Same thing with comedy specials. You work eight years, nine years, ten years on a comedy special and then the streamer's like, that was great, you did awesome numbers. It's been nine months, ready for another one? And then you're like, I don't think I, then they hand you a check and you're like, Minnesota, here I come! We've been talking a lot recently about

adding shows when you sell out, doing specials like every year, the new material shit. I'm actually all for writing new material. I think you got to keep it fresh. But adding shows when you've just sold out and accomplished something and now you just set yourself back

and you're worried about selling those new tickets. I think a lot of comics, I think a lot of you guys put pressure on the idea of I have to do a special. It's like, why? I don't think you need to. I really don't think you need to. Bobby Lee, he's never done a special.

Yeah. And he's been running the same hour. Do it when you're fucking 40 years in the game and you have perfected this, then do it. It's special. I was going to say I'm shooting a special in June. So I'm going against that. But I understand. I just don't think you –

If you want to do it, do it. I don't think you should have to. And you don't have to. I also think that there's this idea that once you shoot a special, you want to do it, do it. I don't think you should have to. And you don't have to. There's this idea that once you shoot a special, you have to scrap everything that was in that special. You can never do that joke again. Dude, Theo does half of his special, and people love him. Yeah.

They almost – it's to the point where it's like – Bro, I mean, Burt does the machine every single show. People want to hear that. They're yelling out. Yes. Theo has one of the funniest opening lines. I'm not even going to do it because I wouldn't do it justice. But he did it on both specials, and then he does it when he's still doing spots in L. out. Yes. Theo has one of the funniest opening lines. I'm not going to do it because I wouldn't do it justice, but he did it on both specials, and then he does it when he's still doing spots in LA.

Yeah. And it just becomes a point. People just like you for you. Right. Sickler just dropped Lefty's Boy. Lefty's Son. Lefty's Son. And I know a lot of you guys usually put the crowd work clips up,

but the actual jokes are for the special only. You just cut the whole thing up and put it on social. It's like, that's how you're going to reach the most people. People are going to watch it on social media. And then when they see it in the special around all the other jokes, it's okay. Yeah, you have one big meal, and then you're using the clips as like pieces of like bread to just throw

out on a track. Just be like, because one of these will hit. Yeah. And it all draws the same thing. We did the blackout tour many, many years ago at Barstool. It was like an EDM drug tour. Yeah. And we had a DJ, Dante, who's now become like a blogger for us.

But he used to make like really dope mixes, like really good party playlists, great at songs all that shit and uh and i think he even made a couple original tracks as well and he never remember this when he wouldn't he never published them because he was afraid people were going to like steal them or something like that yeah and it was like so there's what are you talking about like they're never going to put the music out what do you what do you mean you know and i never going to put the music out. What do you mean? And I don't know. Maybe it was like in Home Alone, Kevin McCallister said he didn't want to put on his rollerblades because they were so new and he didn't want to ruin them.

And then he outgrew them and he never fucking wore the rollerblades again. I remember being like, these fucking mixes are awesome. Put them out. People will love them. And if it's so good that people are jacking it from you, that's amazing. It'll be like, I'm so good that people are stealing my shit. happens all the time with stand-up is like you get a new bit you're like i love this bit i can't wait to do it and then you keep doing it keep doing it like i wouldn't put it on tape i love this bit then you just stop doing it randomly yeah you're like well because you're sick of it and you don't think it's good you get

new or more updated to your life material or more fun and more true to you or whatever but then you're like i could have it's now it's just sitting in the back of my head somewhere. It's not anywhere. The worst part for us is we do so much shit that is evergreen. Yeah. And so there's a whole new wave of people getting on the internet for the first time

or getting into podcasts for the first time who want to argue about 10,000 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck or those classic internet things. And it's like, we already blogged about that or did that argument or made that video. So I'm like, I can't do that again. That's like hack. But it's like, I did it 10 years ago.

The people who watch that, they're dead now. Well, also, you'd probably have a different answer today than you did 10 years ago. Yeah, that's the other thing too. Or even if you don't though it's like we're just i'll say it differently or you know run it back for the news yeah i mean the audience man like it's just so like in and out in and out in and out right you i have uploaded i'll upload like an old sketch just on like throwback thursday and sure there's comments like real ones know this is an up a re-upload or whatever but for the other part it's hitting a whole new audience yeah you know yeah yeah you got to remember there's so many new people i gotta say i did answer the internet the second time and i recorded on my own in l.a

oh yeah i remember that you guys weren't there so there's no laugh track and people are going dude he's bombing they're not even laughing they laugh at everything the same there was no one there you asked me to do it I'm like that's a great plan yeah do it and then people are like

nobody's laughing this kid is not funny literally I fucking went out of my way to shoot it on a green screen you did you're like the only guy that ever did that for me too

fuck you I thought maybe you guys would watch it and get live audience feedback ha ha ha good answer. I laugh like pauses where they would laugh. Oh man, that's funny. I never even thought about that.

I didn't think about it until it went up. They always laugh at everything. When you are doing it, it's like every answer has, you know when someone crushes an answer, but also every answer is a little bit like, and then it echoes and you're laughing. We're trying to make it a fun atmosphere

but there's some noise in the background in every clip whether you guys are laughing or be like oh we would have done that or that's a good idea there was nothing

in the background so you think that you two were just in the back like and it really is the only one that was like the only time I wanted to hop

in the comments and be like there was nobody there there was nobody there I don't argue in the comments but I wanted to like let people know and be like, there was nobody there. I don't argue in the comments, but I wanted to let people know watch my first one. We totally fucked you.

I think I sent the idea. I think I sent green screens to people or I was like, here's the list. I made it as a nice little package as much as I could and a couple other people said they would do it and never filmed it. A couple other people just said no and you were the only one who was good enough to do it and then just and then it bit me in the fuck yeah

it came back and bit me which i didn't even think about until i read your first one murdered though so that's like it was awesome yeah at least you will stop posting clips of the second one i i never crossed my mind i didn't know that it happened yeah let's let's stop doing that yeah or at least like giant font recorded with no audience. Let's add a laugh track. Just. Dude. That's just so funny. That is fucking.

The thing that the internet thinks of. You're like, how would you not? I don't know. How would you? Yeah. Are you still bombing these days? I've definitely bombed some recently. I feel like when I hear that from you guys who are like pros now, I'm like, no, you didn't.

You might think you bombed. A new joke will be a swing and a miss sometimes. There's premise, but then you just keep moving. But you just know how to keep it. It's not that you don't bomb anymore. It's just that you know not to fucking. You know your jump up points and you know when to get out. And you don't start sweating and freaking out

because you bombed a one joke. I haven't had a hard hard hard bomb in a while but like there's nights there's a comedy club in burbank that's like it's a really random crowd and i'll just kind of go there just like workshops on like a monday or tuesday and the crowd was very it was a lot older and i think i went up there nobody knew who i was i was like great we'll see how funny that stuff is definitely didn't do great but you know i was just like oh whatever well i i would imagine also if it was me like once I had millions of followers and I'm doing well, monetarily reputation wise,

all that shit. If an audience like doesn't like, it's like, okay, I don't know. You guys want it for me. Yeah. I was like,

when you're on the come up, it's like, maybe I'm bad at this. Yeah. I was like, I have a show after this. I'll be fine. I'll be doing myself.

It's just like the next one. Yeah. That's, I feel like we have to keep getting on stage. Yeah. I mean, there's definitely some where you're like, Oh right, I have a show after this. I'll be fine. I'll do it myself. It's just like the next one. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I feel like we have to keep getting on stage. Yeah. I mean, there's definitely some where you're like, Oh,

this will crush. Or if I'm in a new city, I'm like, let me riff on this town real quick. You say one thing. They're like, we agree. And you say one thing.

They're like, we want to murder you. Yeah. Yeah. Nope. Doesn't check out. How much you travel in these days? Kind of a lot.

I just did a big tour. It was like 44 cities over last year, but now, where's like the furthest you've gone? Kind of a lot. I just did a big tour. It was like 44 cities over last year. But now – Where's like the furthest you've gone? Just a bunch of like East Coast shit because I live in California. So it's just a lot of just across the state. Back and forth. Yeah, but they're great.

They're all tied together. So it will be like I'll do like Connecticut and then like Jersey and then like back-to-back type of shit. So the agents are great in doing that. But yeah, I mean the reason I'm in New York right now is they're doing some college shows in upstate. I feel like those are still fucking good money and good audience. They're awesome.

They're great. Are you doing them at a club or at a school? They're at the school. I've done a few this semester and they've been fucking awesome. One of them was in an ice hockey rink. I feel like Bert Kreischer. That's dope.

Ice hockey rink lecture hall or just like a generic theater on campus. So they're all over. Some of them are fun. Some of them are like, wow, that's a thing. Podcasts and comedy are so popular. Oh, how am I bomb lately? What am I talking about? Yeah, dude, I did a show in Canada at a college maybe a month ago.

6 p.m., all the windows open. It's broad day. It's probably as bright as it is in here, right? And I was just telling somebody this story. It's so – I go, all right, it's bright as fuck. There's no opener. It's just me. It's a Canadian college.

They don't have dorms. They're all commuters. It's a weird setup already. So I go, let me do a quick Q&A up front, break the ice, a little crowd work. We're maybe 30 seconds in. I see a girl up front wearing headphones, over-the-ear headphones. And I go, are you wearing headphones? And she goes, I'm autistic.

Oh! You know? That was one of those. And this is immediately when the show starts. She was like, get her out. Get her out. I'm drenched in sweat. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to say, I don't know.

I don't know where to, like. I felt so bad. Because if I was, like, 30 minutes into the act, I would have, like, maybe found a way to smartfully maneuver around it, maybe find some funny and respectful way. But this was so off the bat. I was just like, no! There goes my career.

All right, you're going to move on. You are not wearing headphones. What is? Sir, are you not autistic? That show was a bomb. I was supposed to do an hour. I did my whole set, looked at my phone. It was 35 minutes. I'm like,. I was supposed to do an hour. I did my whole set, looked at my phone, it was 35 minutes.

Oh, not a lot of laughter there. Some college years, you'll definitely bomb. But overall, like I always like have fun. I want to stay. I mean, dude, that caught me so off guard. I just like, what are you? Yeah. Yup.

I would have just said, so am I. I think I said something to that regard. I mean, she was a nice lady. Yeah. But that show, I definitely got off. I was like, am I good? Am I a comedian? Do I quit this?

And how did you link up with Michael for Stiff Socks? Met him at an open mic in LA five years ago. Yeah, it was an open mic in Koreatown. And we were literally out front talking about coffee for some reason. I don't know what was going on. I was like, me, him, and another guy. The other guy leaves.

So now me and him are just bantering back and forth, back and forth. You guys started kissing? Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah. Blue too. You know? So I was thinking about quitting my job because he was doing college shows. And they were like, they paid like $2,000. And at that time, I was like, what the fuck?

All at once? American dollars? Yeah. And I was also making videos. So he was like, like i want to make videos you want to do colleges i'll tell you everything you tell me everything we start going back forth and then we had this like three-hour conversation at a coffee shop then like a week later he calls me he goes like do you want to start a podcast and it was like the most like la conversation i'm sure and yeah then we just hit it off and then we found our producer through a friend and he's been the same producer for like four

and a half years. He's great. I feel like it's funny. I feel like it could go one way or the other. You guys could link up and be like great friends at work or it could be like Highlander. Like there can only be one of us. Right. There can only be one of us.

It's great. I mean, nobody, there's like no ego who's too big. It's not like anything. Everybody contributes. It's a really fun, smooth process we got over there have you had moments where like he blows up on a on a clip or whatever and then you blow up where it's like oh this will be good for the pod because like my boy's killing it yeah but you're almost like i want to dude he's crushing my yes i think both i see both you guys are doing well and it's great because it all just goes back to the podcast whether i have a clip that does well he's a clip

it's all under the same umbrella. It's dope, man. It's working well. It's been a lot of fun. Check it out. We'd love to have you guys on when you go. Yeah, that would be great. We actually might be going to LA soon. Oh, dude, let us know.

We'll pop out there. All right, let's go do Answer the Internet. Promise we'll laugh. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.