KFC Radio - Feits Has Seen Exactly 2,000 B00bs Ft. Neal Mortiz

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 1:00 KFC is in a fight with a man named Moon 11:02 Feits is getting a Kei Pickup Truck 20:39 Jackie has to wear the helmet again 35:18 Men vs Women in arguments 57:35 Are KFC and Feits over p*rn and JOing? 01:25:48 AITA 01:42:11 Video Voicemails 02:20:46 Interview Preview: Neal Moritz ++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to drink piratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you or order on gopuff BetterHelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. He said this so casual. Would you... ...out on the internet? Alright, I think we got our voicemail of the week. Tonight, Jersey City, if you are across the river and in New Jersey, KFC Radio is coming to you, and you better come see us.

For years I've been hearing how much we've got to come to Jersey. Well, we're here. Tickets are still available tonight, Thursday night, at the White Eagle Hall in Jersey City. So everybody who lives in Hoboken, everyone who's in Jersey City, Newport, Pavonia, and all those other spots along the path, come out and see us. Come hang out with me and Feidelberg and the whole gang.

We're going to be there. We're going to be drinking pirate water. We're going to be having fun doing a crazy episode of KFC Radio live on stage, video and audio and visual stuff for you. It's going to be a whole experience. Get your tickets right now. It's a summer, and it's a Thursday in the summer. It means it's Friday.

It's the weekend. Come get drunk. Come start the weekend with us. Let's go. All right, it's another edition of K. It's the weekend. Come get drunk. Come start the weekend with us. Let's go. All right. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm in a fight with an Asian man named Moon. Oh, okay.

Yep. I haven't heard Moon before. Neither have I. He had to spell it for me because I was like, say what now? Spell Moon? Moon. M-O-O-N. I was in a, you know, par for the course, a traffic altercation with an Asian man. Although it was totally my fault.

Oh, you got into that. You changed the information here. Well, so this is what happened. I pulled up into my garage. I pay monthly, but usually you pay at the beginning of the month, but because we were out because of the break, and when you haven't paid the monthly bill, the gate doesn't go up. So I pulled up, and it didn't open, and I was like, oh, shit, I got to go pay. So I was backing out of where, like, the gate goes up,

which is obviously you're not supposed to do that. But then he – Well, that's all you can do, though. Yes. I probably should have – I should have been more careful or whatever, but I was backing out. He was coming around the corner, came in kind of hot. I slam on my brakes.

We barely touched cars. I mean, to the point that I leaned out my window and I was like, sorry, obviously my fault. I'm going backwards, but we're all good, right? And then he gets out, and I was like, oh, my God. You've got to be fucking kidding me um it's a bmw right i think so that makes sense yeah a white bmw that makes sense um i will show you the front of his car you tell me where the damage is Where are the damages? I guess. I mean, it's a white car, so it's hard, but I guess like under the left grid.

Like that little black stripe. Yeah. Yeah. That's which I am 100% confident that they're going to just buff out. Yeah. There was no dent. There was nothing on my car. And I just said to him, I'm like, bro, let's come on. Let's not go through insurance on this.

It's going to be a problem for both of us. It's going to be a hassle. I was like, I'll give you money right now. I was like, let's just go. I'll give you a couple hundred bucks. I'll pay over. They're going to say this is $0. And you can just make like $300 on me right now.

And he's like, I don't know. I don't know. And he. A white BMW from Jersey was going to get your information every time you pull up this guy's Facebook page it's full of pictures of him in his car and my car I was talking to Nick about it

you drive in New York City your car is going to have bumps and dinks and dents I just don't give a fuck about that if my car has a dent I don't fucking care that's why you don't have a white BMW. You're goddamn right. Yeah.

And when I said, like, that makes sense, I wasn't saying BMW is a nice car, which it is, obviously. But I was saying it makes sense that someone who drives a BMW is someone who's going to do that. Like, if my car drives and it's, like, still functioning, you know, I'm not going to be an embarrassment, like, having my fucking duct taped or something like that, like holding the bumper on with duct tape. But like, you know, I have like a, like a hole almost in my bumper. I'm like, I don't fucking care. I drive a shitty SUV in Manhattan. It's going to, it probably gets bumped like every single day and I just don't even notice it, you know? And so he makes me give all my information. And then I'm like, cool, man. You let me know. You tell me what the damage is and I will Venmo you or whatever you want.

And he's like, you need to text me. I first said, you need to write this down. And he wanted me to write a contract out. And I was like, all right. Any contract you write out, start with this is not legally well so then i was like i'll just text you and then he's like okay i want you to say like say your name and say that like you don't want to call the police or involve insurance and that you'll pay for everything i was like well now wait a second so i ended up writing i was like

and as i'm writing and i'm laughing to myself because i'm like i'm doing like charlie charlie kelly like lawyer bird law you know i'm like i'm like i kevin clancy hereby willing to pay for any you know whatever and i was just like any reasonable damage associated with the picture below and i send the picture up that i took of his car and there's just no fucking damage there and he ends up texting me back being like CC Kevin Clancy Rocco from putting quotes Rocco from the

garage witnessed our accident approximately 10.37 a.m. eastern time I was like you gotta be fucking kidding me I was like a witness to bro when I tell you I'm not just saying this because I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. I was like, a witness to – Bro, when I tell you – I'm not just saying this because I was at fault.

I mean, the car went like – Like, didn't make noise. We didn't bump. It was just like, I'm writing out text message contracts and we're talking about witnesses and he's taking pictures of my insurance and my shit. And he was kind of like, do you want mine? I was like, no. I don't give a fuck about any of this, dude.

Like, you know. I don't drive a white BMW. Why are you asking? And then he was like, they're going to paint the whole thing. No, they're not. No, they're fucking not. And I'm not paying for you to get the whole fucking thing painted. I'll pay for you to get three inches painted, you asshole.

So I don't know where we stand. I'm sure I will never hear from him because I'm sure the guy – I probably should have just grabbed a t-shirt and just rubbed it. But yeah, I also didn't want to start doing that and then have it not work and then all of a sudden he's like – Yeah, that is a risk. But like i hope i i you should have gone back and found his car later just buffed it out yeah that would have been a good idea that would have been a good idea or like smashed it with a sledgehammer and been like that wasn't me man i don't know we have a picture i only had a little i only had a little mark i don't know what you're talking about so but now because of our sick brains i want to go go to the people's court.

I'm hoping this guy comes back and says, like, you owe me $600 because that's what the local mechanic said. And I'm going to be like, no, there's no fucking way. And I'm going, bum, bum, bum. I come busting through those double doors. I would love to be in court with Moon talking about our fender bender. Well, you're sitting with a judge. What's that? You're a judge?

No. You got judge law? I'm a judge. What does that mean? I don't know what it is. Oh, okay. Let's go. Let's go.

But that is a great idea. Go to people's court. Yeah. Have Jim Harbaugh sitting behind you in his khakis, drinking a glass of milk. I almost – maybe this guy will hit me up and be like – even if it's like $100, maybe I'll say no. Maybe I'll say no. We're going to court. People's court.

He was so old. Did he speak English? Like it wasn it wasn't yeah it was understandable you know not as that that's just so frustrating how about this he pulls out his phone he he was you know asian enough that it was all in asian yeah yeah pulls out his phone says what's your phone number and writes my number in the notes app rather than just putting it in your phone and i was like here we go i was like this guy who fucking knows what's gonna happen with this guy white bmw driver who's a notes app user yeah he's like writing down when he wanted when he wanted me to write the contract i was i was literally laughing i was like for real dude it's like with what this is the 1800s get me a fucking feather quill and paper i'm gonna write when he wanted me to write the contract. I was literally laughing. I was like, for real, dude?

With what? This is the 1800s? Get me a fucking feather quill and paper. I'm going to write on paper now. You got a Raising Cane's napkin? Yeah. So I haven't heard from him because, again, I'm sure the mechanic went, get the fuck out of here. But it was also just very funny. Obviously

so stereotypical. And the guys in the garage know me because I've been parking there for a couple years now. And they're rolling their eyes the whole time. They're like, Jesus Christ. I think that's actually why that guy texted me about the – I think the garage guy was kind of having my back. It was like I watched this happen. It was nonsense. Yeah.

See, you should just make up a story that he hit you. I mean it kind of was like – Fucking – you get a bumper on a son of an insurance man. You got a mark on the back of your car. That's never your fault. It means you got hit from behind. Don't tell me you were in reverse. Oh, that's a great point.

Because, I mean, I was 100% in the wrong, but it is always they would say, right? Yeah. If the car is – you got dinged in the back. Yeah, you got – you hit me i didn't hit you bro we're going in reverse bro i got hit once where i i was driving my dad's brand new car i was in high school i went to go pick up a buddy and he had like a brand new nice car and it was snowing out and i just watched a guy skid from behind me for so long where like i'd already picked up my buddy i hit him i was like yo we, yo, we're about to get crushed right now.

You know it's coming. You can't really do anything. But like I went through the – like I had all the thought processes. I was like, yo, we're about to get hit too. Oh, my gosh. My dad's brand new car. Nobody's going to hit me from behind. Does that – yeah.

Like I watched him in the studio. We're like – Like I could see him in the rear view. When you squeeze as if it's going to like stop your car. Like we were like the newest people in traffic on the highway and i guess he wasn't paying attention hit the brakes skidding on snow see you later like watch the guy wiggle brace yourself yeah yeah i mean when we all wrapped up i was like i didn't realize the guy

was still there i like so then i get out to pay my bill the original problem with this whole thing and as i get out i was like that fucking guy there was nothing there on my car looking at the garage guy he's still there taking pictures and shit it's like oh man and of course the the garage guy's like come on you know them yeah i didn't say that i didn't say that i would have said this about anybody But yes you're not wrong I am glad you brought up Because I hadn't thought About it but you brought up

Asians And driving Because I know someone was recently sitting on this couch And they said they're in the market I'm buying a car And I am Looking for a car. Why?

Because it's dope. Oh, okay. Dude, steering wheel's on the right side. It's called a Kai pickup truck. Wait, you're really buying this? I'm looking for one. They're hard to find. Yeah, wait.

Is that street legal? Oh, it's street legal. No fucking way this is street legal. A Japanese truck? Japanese Kai truck. It's a Kai truck. It's got rear wheel drive. I've been in like Facebook marketplaces.

I've been like, look if anyone's got a Kai market. Wait, wait, wait. So this is. It's flames, right? That is sick. This is – It's flames, right? This is sick. This is ridiculous. I thought you were going to say that, like, you saw one and then were like, I'm buying it. Being in the market for one of these is absurd.

I'm in the market. This falling into your lap is one thing. Like, hey, my neighbor has one, and I saw he was buying it, selling it, and I just decided to buy it. You seeking out a Japanese Chi truck is – you're no longer – John, you are no longer – and this ship sailed a long time ago for all of us truck is you're no longer john you are no longer and this this ship sailed a long time ago for all of us but you're no longer a real human you you are living your entire life now for content because you're going to drive a mini pickup truck with a steering wheel on the right side bro strictly for the last ryan o'connor style right side skyline dude i'm gonna show up to fucking street racism.

Oh, this guy's a real player. He's on the right side. Wildly employed through Asia in agriculture, fisheries, construction, and even for firefighting. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it looks like a little fire drug. I can't believe you don't think these are sick, guy. These are fucking sick. Dude, this is so funny. They are built with a strong, full box frame design with cabs, seat belts, window sheet wipers, and AM radios.

There you go. Just AM fucking, right? No FM, dude. They look like you could pick it up and put it in the bed of an F-150. 40 miles to the gallon. Hell yeah. Yeah, I'm environmentally conscious. Hell yeah.

They have a six-foot pickup bed. It's not very useful, but okay. You can't fit in that. You fit a two-by-four in it, dude. I would imagine that there's roughly around 20 to 25 horsepower. I was about to say to you, like, don't do this. You're not going to like it. You don't want to deal with parking.

Bro, what's the fastest you think this can go? 50. 75. And I bet you at 75, it's like. I bet you going 75 in a Japanese Chi truck is like in sci-fi movies when they're about to time travel. And the thing is shaking, and they're like, hold on, hold on. Like, you know, screws and shit are flying. I was about to say don't do this, and now I'm like absolutely.

I've been looking all summer for one. You probably can park that. Oh, it's all terrain. They're like – I found one in Maryland, but it's like I'm not going to go pick it. I don't want to pick it up. Oh, well, let's – we'll get – I mean, the Barstool Network will make this happen. Yeah. Somebody will know somebody who's got one.

Anyone selling a Japanese Chi truck. I mean, it's basically like a smart car with a bed. Payload capacity, 1,200 pounds. That's not a lot for a truck. Yeah, bro. You put a couple Barstool employees in there and the Chi truck's not working. You put me in it, we're down to under 1,000. If John ever wants to go to a game with

frank to tank again i don't think it's happening the belly will be scraping the ground japanese kai truck if if you get a japanese kai truck we will you go that don't know let's drop the if it's okay when i'm getting a when we get a japanese Kai truck, we will launch a new show, and we will record from the Japanese Kai truck. Just two guys sitting in a Japanese minicar. Just a couple of fishmongers. Yeah, and we'll dress like them, too. Yeah, we'll dress like them, too. We'll have the hats and spears and shit.

Japanese Kai. It's a big thing in fashion right now is my clothes are from Japan. My car is from Japan, actually. Not's a big thing in fashion right now is my clothes are from Japan. My car is from Japan. Actually. Not like a Honda. Those are bike tires. Those are like bicycle tires. Did you scroll down far enough to see the one –

I saw a couple that were like dressed up and decorated. I don't like that. I like it to just be white. No, definitely just white. Just plain white because you can dress it up and it looks like – Actually, there was one that was like navy blue. No, no, definitely just white. Yeah, just plain white. Because you can dress it up and it looks like – Actually, there was one that was like navy blue. No, no, no. It's got to be white, like plain.

You can fit like a chair in the back and that's it. That is – how did this come about? I probably won't have it in the city maybe ever. I like ripping around Westport. Do you know where – So are there a lot of people there have or i saw one one and i was like that's sick yeah that is i found one in new york i don't know where goshen is that sounds well when i was down in long beach island they uh i saw like a golf cart whiz by and it said like rent my cart.com or something like that and it looked like looked like a family and a driver.

So like when you live a little too far from the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, that's a good idea. But I was like, not to rent one. I was like, I'll just get one. Right. And this is like a step between that. It's not a golf cart.

It's not a car. It's a Japanese guy truck. That is great. I think we're pronouncing it right. It's K-E-I. Probably not, but that's what it's called. Yeah. It's a guy truck.

I bet you by the end of the summer you have one. Now the next part is how much you can pay for one. They're like five, ten grand. They're not ten grand. That's a big gap. I think they're closer to five. It depends on how you use. I've been emailing with someone that's 7,500.

You're buying a go-kart. I would not pay ten grand for that. The only thing, I want it to be plain plain but maybe souped up a little bit. Yeah. Like I want that – imagine if you could go like 100 miles an hour in that thing, just whipping on like some big-ass engine. That would be great. All right. We're going to get to some in-house KFC radio stuff in a moment.

We also, of course, have voicemails later and an interview, a very interesting interview that we – This one was jacked up by Benford. Yeah, this one Johnny earned when John did his Fast and the Furious stream. A stoolie – I think he's a son or a friend of – or how did that happen? He's his assistant. His assistant. The assistant of the producer of the Fast and the Furious movie saw that Jon was doing this stream and said, Neil, you've got to watch this guy.

He's watching all of your movies and counting the car crashes. So we got him on the show. He's not only the producer of Fast and the Furious. Every single Fast and the Furious. All of them. Every single one. From one through ten. And that alone would be a prolific and legendary career.

And it's probably one-tenth of the movies he's done. He probably has another 90 movies that are all action blockbusters, unbelievable rom-coms, quality TV series. The list goes on and on. He's grossed $11 billion in the box office, and he's all, like, I'm sure in Hollywood he's like royalty, but, like, he can walk down the street. Nobody knows.

He's not getting swarmed. He's not getting bothered. He can live a normal life but be like, I'm the fucking, I got the Midas touch. Unbelievable. Very unique and interesting take on kind of the guests that we usually have. So hope to have him back much more and maybe more people like him. But first, we got to deal with our our housekeeping and our in-house issues it's a pirate water summer baby uh you got you got we're

about halfway through summer fourth of fourth of july just hit you got all of august a little bit of july and really september now so you got two and a half more months to get into the pirate water game if you're not already if you're late to the game, to be honest. You're living under a rock. But there's still plenty of time for you to get any of the four flavors of Pirate Water. Sex on the Beach, Bahama Mama, Miami Vice, and Margarita. Shout out to Jackie. They will get you loose enough that you will make inappropriate TikToks with your girlfriends.

They will get you loose enough that you will get up on the dance floor, that you will do some karaoke, that you will make some good decisions and some bad decisions. They will get you to where you need to be when you're at a party, at a festival, at a pregame, out on the boat, at the beach, at the pool, happy hour, at home in the backyard,

brown bagging it on the street, wherever you need to get a little sauced up, Pirate Water is there for you, it only costs $2 it's 10% alcohol by volume it's all over the country it's available everywhere from major stores down to gas stations

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Get all the flavors. All of it's affordable. They're all 16 ounces. They're all 10% alcohol by volume. So just one or two of them, three or four if you're brave, will get you feeling right. So go to drinkpiralwater.com order it find the local locations or order it off gopuff it might be helmet time it might be

helmet time where is the helmet did you try to hide it you try to hide it yeah toss it on over it could be helmet time here at KFC Radio. And it's so funny because Jackie just the other day was talking about how that video that she made was so good and the date she went on was so good. And she was like, helmet time really backfired on you. And then that night she forgets to upload the episode. Now we're going to – this is KFC Radio court. We have a judge on hand. We will decide whether or not it is true helmet time.

Okay. You are accused – the offense is not uploading the podcast audio or video on time, right? What time did it go up? 10 o'clock today. So we probably missed – Right after everyone got to work. Right. So we missed the entire morning commute we missed you know

four hours of audio is 930 okay so like three and a half to four hours of yeah like the regular world

has been at their office for a long time so we lost you know thousands of downloads and views and and it's just because it was not like

Apple wasn't working, YouTube wasn't working, right? This was just on you? Yeah. She's learning. That was better. Usually she would have said something else there. Now, the only mitigating circumstance is it was an

extra long episode because it was the first one back from break. We had a lot to talk about and we didn't finish i forgot we were recording one today we definitely could have just done half and half like all my stuff i could have just done today totally yeah yeah yeah yeah like today's gonna be a 40 minute episode yeah we loaded everything yeah i'm out i'm out of bullets yeah uh yeah thank god jackie did this or we wouldn't have a podcast. But sometimes we go long. Sometimes – I mean there was a time where we always finished at 5 o'clock and that the podcast was always over two hours.

So it was a long one. I believe the plan was that Vinny was going to do half and Jackie was going to do half so that it wasn't too much work for anybody because I don't think people realize that it takes – you got to listen through it all again and edit it and then – I say the N-word all the time. All the time. There's a lot to edit out. A lot of chopping. And then the export and the upload can take hours. So we have to decide. Well, can I give my defense? oh sorry yeah we're it's now now the

defense the floor is yours oh but i feel like this i shouldn't be giving a defense i should just take hi you know let's hear it we're in case you radio court um well it's not much of a defense at all but it just more of an explanation i in the past, we know that maybe I've had some trouble uploading. But that was like years ago. And there was a little issue with I would fall asleep. And that was because I would take little naps while it was exporting. Since then, I have learned I can't do naps because I don't wake up from naps. And that was something that I learned years ago.

But today – or last night, I decided to treat myself to a little nap. She was going good and then she fucked it up. No, no, no last night, I decided to treat myself to a little nap. She was going good, and then she fucked it up. No, no, no, no, no. She was like, I told myself I wasn't going to do this thing that I shouldn't do. But last night, I did it. But I said, it's a long episode. It's a long export. And I'm sick.

Notice how I just blew my nose? Yes. So I said, you can treat yourself. And I took the tiniest little nap. That turned into- Five alarms. I was going to gonna say why don't you use an alarm i don't wake up my body doesn't do that you can't knock me down and my body doesn't wake up what do you mean how do you wake up in the morning whenever i feel like it if if if if the youtube has been uploaded for this episode everybody go look at jackie's face

whenever i feel like it like you really you just go to i feel like it's whenever my body yeah so you go to sleep. What time do you wake up in the morning? Does it vary? Sometimes it's 8, sometimes it's 9, sometimes it's 10. Depending on your body? I'm pretty similar. So you're talking... Again, never a good thing.

When the Feidelberg and Jackie train a line, everyone goes, yep, that checks out. When Tom was talking about the other day, I was like, I just get up at 7. I was like, I'm between 7 and seven and eleven yes it's a wide range that's my way what about if we when we're like we're actually i guess this makes sense because every time the rarity when we are like we have to record at 11 you come like bursting through the door at 11 15 like so you if there's anything in the morning you you it's just a crapshoot you

might make it you might not depend on your body in the room, it's just a crapshoot. You might make it. You might not, depending on your body. He walks in the room like Kramer every morning. Yeah, yeah. And it's just – it's not you. It's your body. Like my body has an easier time waking up to morning alarms. So we have a better shot in the morning. Okay, let me ask you this.

So you set an alarm. You go to sleep for a nap. At what time? Actually, let's go back. 2. 2 30 when do you start your work because i feel like you work at night but you are a narcoleptic if you work if you're a night person you're a night owl like frank the tank works after midnight fine but if you are prone to fall asleep and your body doesn't wake up you can't be a night person. I know, but so – So when do you start working?

When do I start working? Last night we finished the episode at like 5, let's call it. Okay, but so recently – I'll say this. I used to like work right after we finished. And I would stay here and then I would edit all until whatever. And then I like wanted to kill myself because i was like here in these lights for like hours a day and then i was losing money because i wouldn't go home and make dinner and i wouldn't work out and it was just not good for mental health so then i decided i would give

myself a break i would make dinner i'd work out whatever okay so normally i will start like around 8 30 but it's like a five to seven hour process is what nick told me yeah so it's so you're always going to be looking at like two in the morning yes so what i i should so what we have decided is i'm just gonna one the days especially okay and then but also we we really don't go that late anymore no we don't go that i've been wrapping up at like three you know like the latest yeah no we've been wrapping up it's been like fine i will like sometimes now i have like other things that i'll patch up after recording and then like i'll go home and then i'll like kind of do my thing and there's like i for sure could patch it up do my thing so then last night uh we agreed I should probably have Vinny help with the edit.

But Vinny is looking at apartments and I feel bad because Vinny is not full time yet. I feel bad making him work that late because he's only paid by the day and he doesn't get paid for extra time. So I just feel bad doing that. I should have just given it to him. I should have not taken the nap. So you didn't do the split thing? I didn't do the split thing. And that was where I went wrong. I mean, that's where you gotta delegate. I do

get that, but Nick says Nick tells you to split it up and then you gotta split it up. Okay, I'm gonna delegate tonight's podcast to Pabst. If he can do the whole thing. I very much respect the I'm just going to war up mentality. Where you lose me is when you didn't war up. Yeah.

It's like going to war and then not fighting. I did war up. Like, oh, I slept through the war. I was going to go to war, but I napped instead. No, I did war up. I just had to take a little nap. In between the war. I did war up, but I had to take a little nap. Again, it i had to take a little nap again it's like my body's

fault not really but so when you say it's your body's fault there's are we separating like your brain from your body yeah it's the same thing it's the same like reason why like when i get nervous i just start like climbing on things it's like i don't like i'm not that exactly attached to this do you guys ever think about like do you ever think about just like your skeleton being in your like sometimes when i'm like dancing like at a club i'll just think about my skeleton i'll get such an ache for myself because i'm like my skeletons right now you know what i mean? I do now. It's a very funny thing. You start to feel like the car wash thing.

It's like your body's just flailing around. When you said dance club, and then you just went like this. Where do you party? Were you clubbing, girl? Clubbing in the 70s? Anyways, that was a side. Whatever. I do always get surprised that your body tells your body – your brain tells your body parts to move and they instantly move. You know what I mean?

There's no lag time. It's not like you got to tell your fingers to move and it takes a second. It's like, boom, done. It is very fresh. And also talking. The fact that we very easily vibrate those vocal cords so differently that's hard that seems hard it seems like it should be very hard to learn how to talk it should be but you know what I don't like

is the disconnect between how good your brain is at saying move this dance like this and not telling yourself to not kill yourself or just like hey learn this remember this when I tell you to move this, you move it. When I say remember this, fucking remember it.

Yeah, yeah, that's very annoying. Or it's like, be happy, and just won't listen. But, you know, every other motion. You're not off the hook. You were close. But the point is that I've learned now, in the future, going forward, to mitigate the... I don't know how to finish that sentence. No, I was going to let you finish because you definitely used the wrong word.

Why don't you get out of it? What? You definitely used the wrong word. But you know what? I'm going to not take naps and I'm going to delegate. There it is. You do – again, when we talk about your day, I feel bad as you feel bad. It's a long day. It's a long day, I feel bad as you feel bad. It's a long day.

It's a long day, and I feel bad about that. We put out a lot of content. We do more than – I'm very keenly aware of how many different videos and shows and shit we put out. What was the last – what was the helmet punishment for? What did you do? I didn't record our shippers. Right. So that was like we lost an entire episode. Yeah.

And you had to wear it for a week? Mm-hmm. So my vote is... I think she's got to wear the helmet for a day and night. A night out. It's got to be another night out. two days one night the i think 20 because i was gonna cut it down for the war up mentality we'll get to the warring up later but the war mentality i respect uh so i was thinking a 24 hour window noon noon uh my vote is i'm to go a little more sturdy. I'm going to go with day, night, day.

Nick, what do you think? I'm with John on this one. I think the 24. Pass. Oh. Days get determined. Not one. Not two.

Not three. Not two. Not three. Not four. Not five. I'm going a week. I'm going a week. Jackie, do you remember yesterday when I specifically told you I didn't have five ideas for the jersey ticket? Oh! On camera.

On camera. Wow. What are your five ideas? What are your five ideas? What are your five ideas? Damn. Damn. That's on you. That's a bar fight right there.

Right under the bus. So wait. So for people who don't know, we needed to promote Jersey City. We still had tickets unsold for tonight's episode, for tonight's live show. So you can still go get tickets. But I was like, yo, we need to promote this show. Nick said, everybody come in tomorrow with five ideas. Jackie had her five ideas.

It sounds like – so you told her, yo, I forgot my five ideas. You got any ideas? I forgot them. She specifically said, Paz, what are your five ideas? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I don't have a defense for that. I just want to bug you over. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. But if we're going to do that,

I mean, going back to my delegating thing, I want you to do not one, not two, not three, not four, not five clips tonight, not six clips tonight. Yo, I want you to do ten. It's all going to be of you fucking up.

So what do we do here? What type of 24 hours are we talking about? I think it should be... I think you should have to go out again. I want you to go out with it on again. I prefer to not do that. I...

Okay. You can have... Three days. I'll take the night. I'll take the night. Okay. You can have three days. I'll take the night. I'll take the night. Okay. I'll do a day and a night and a vlog with it. Wait, she has to do a live show with it.

Yeah! There we go. So you have to wear it Thursday at, from Thursday at noon to Friday at noon. And it includes the live show. I think that's fair. I see it makes you very comfortable. I don't understand

why. I think the live show is best case scenario. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll do it. I'll do it. Thursday at noon, Friday at noon. In that case, we would definitely do, because tomorrow we got nothing but the show, right? Yeah. We'll do the dinner beforehand. Okay. Yeah, yeah we're gonna go to dinner before the show what what is it it's like khanza's buddy like owns a place it's like one of the best like pizza restaurants in the world okay um saddle up partner okay got it and stop falling sorry and we don't have to do it at all. About that. Yeah, I'll stop doing that.

I'll... If I'd gotten into drugs. What? This would have been a lot easier. Yeah, just pick up a coke and have it. We'll be fine. What were you going to say yesterday while we're still on you? You had something to do for another show.

Oh, that's like so... That's like serious. Go ahead. So say it. Okay. New topic. Okay. I saw this TikTok tock and I just

thought it was so interesting and it's about it's about I need to kind of rewatch it I'll say okay so basically you just rewatch if you want saying the difference between I forget the guy who has a tick tock but it's saying like the a lot of reason

why like men and women get in fights. And I just thought it could like, it was so, it hit. Anyways, so it's like, it talks about like the difference between like empathy, logic and emotion. Okay. So it's like if you hit somebody. Yeah, we have empathy and logic and you don't and you have

all emotion no let me say that's why if somebody slaps you across the face and then you're obviously gonna be mad and that's an emotional response it's not like you are slapped in the face and then you logically think about why you're mad and then you decide to be mad it's like an emotional response and then empathy is if somebody watches you get slapped across the face, they understand why you'd be mad, why that's like an emotional response, why it's like whatever. And so women, we tend to be more emotional. And so a lot of responses to that, it's like, but it's the same thing. It like to us, our emotional response is the same thing as it makes sense as if you were getting slapped in the face and that's your response and then a lot of times when when we cry it will will like be like i don't even know why i'm crying whatever and we know it's not logical but we can't help feel like the way that we feel

right and so a lot of response from like men who will be like that's not logical will be like yeah i don't really know why you're crying too all this and but why and then like a reason why women get along so well and why like people yeah chicks always get along like it's because a lot of times like women will be like i told like yeah she's such a bitch for saying that i can't believe that she says that like acknowledges the emotional response to it. And then it's not like, it's just like bickering there. It will be like, then they'll come up with like logical,

whatever. But you have that like comfort. You just need to be validated by somebody acknowledging your emotional response and not making you feel crazy for having that kind of emotional response. Right. I see. So a lot of times what happens with fights – So really just to sum that up quickly, like girls will like let you vent and be like, yeah, that girl is such a bitch where guys will be like, that doesn't make sense.

Exactly. It's like they're coming at it too logically and they are – and like girls kind of know it's not logical. But they don't hear it in that moment. But they don't hear it in that moment. So it's kind of like from what you need from like a guy instead of being like yeah i don't really if i knew it was gonna make you so upset then like that makes you feel more crazy and that gets you it's like if somebody were to be like why are you getting so mad that you just got slapped in the

face when you say you're being crazy they go yeah exactly it's like so you don't want to feel that so like if you come from it from like uh i totally get like why you'd be mad from this or like i totally understand or just something that's more acknowledging their emotional response and then dwell on that for a little bit let them like feel it don't let them feel crazy and then from there they'll be like okay now that i don't feel crazy i'm ready to like logically talk about this but okay now i hear you i've i understand that um i it actually reminds me of uh thinking uh i feel like people a lot of people get their news or insights from tiktok i get mine from sitcoms uh there's one in modern family where phil dunphy goes to a nail salon and all the ladies in the nail salon tell him she just wants to vent.

She just wants to hear – like she doesn't want you to fix the problem. She wants you to just hear the problem. And I get all that. I do. I feel like we're never met halfway. Never. It's always just like understand that it's their emotional response and give them a minute. And it's like, okay, I'm working on that.

I'm trying. Understand this is my natural response and don't get mad at me for having this one. Yeah, women are allowed to have a lot of like this is just like how we're programmed and how we operate. But then the male side of things does not ever get to do that. It's pretty rarely like, well, this is just how I naturally respond, which is to think about how like i i like you present me a problem or something like you'll never believe what happened worse today 100 of time i'm thinking about the other person's angle i'm like well i kind of see how that happens 100 but i but i yeah yeah like almost exclusively i'm like you're wrong and i'm also never gonna be like yeah that person's an asshole because guess

what you're gonna meet introduce me to them in a week and be like, they're my best friend. No, but even more than that is like especially if it's work or friends that like I don't really see or whatever, I don't care. You know, like I don't want you to like be hurt or anything. But I'm like this is kind of like your problem and I am just letting you vent because I've learned all too many times that if I'm if I even if I'm on your side but trying to apply my logic it's like no they just want to say what they want to say so I'm just like uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh and let them get that shit off because like what is what what really are you going to contribute are they going to stop and go like like I always say to myself, play this out.

You're going to say something and she's going to go, oh, yes, you're right. I didn't think about it that way. I will change my opinion. No, it's not going to fucking happen. Just let her do it. But then when I'm not – then I feel guilty when I do that, and I do it a lot because I know it's what I'm supposed to do, that I'm not participating. I'm just giving you what you want. I just like i know what they want well then it comes back to the old i want you to want to yeah sort of thing but like i'm and this i did with my mom recently when

she was talking about something and and i was like just like yeah yeah and like i'm not thinking about this i like and it feels like i'm cheating you in the conversation where I'm giving you nothing. No, but you're probably giving her a lot. A lot of the time you're probably giving the woman what she wants. Right. But it's like I'm just acting and pretending I'm listening. But even that's like a fine response. But are you feeling like you're –

These bitches just want to talk, huh? But I'm just saying like are you feeling like you're – These bitches just want to talk, bro. But I'm just saying like are you feeling like you're – In my head, I'm like there's no way they believe I'm even listening because I'm not – I'm kind of not listening. I think they're not even thinking about you listening. I think they're just thinking about talking. Yeah. I think more often than not, they just want to talk.

Well, I think that they're – Because if I was responding my natural way – Like all that. Like if I was giving my – natural way like all that like if i was thinking if i was giving my it's not an emotional response but my natural response it's it's not what i'm giving you yeah but i mean it's not even saying like like oh you guys are having the wrong response it's just saying like a way to mitigate a lot of arguments i keep saying mitigate like in the wrong sense but i mean that makes sense but but a way to avoid a lot of arguments

is to because it's just like logic and emotion but what we're saying is that that never gets reciprocated a girl would never go like a man's natural response is to think about this logically so I'm going to

I hate even using logically because I feel like the emotional and logic have been like – Good and bad. Become like poisoned words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel like my brain 100 percent of the time naturally goes, well, let's think about it from the other person's shoes. It's more like we think kind of black and white and they kind of – you're right. It's hard to say without words that get like loaded, like loaded words because it's like when I say I'm looking at this logically that implies that i think you're illogical which is a bad thing now

to be fair i do usually think you're illogical i think that girls are irrational illogical and guys are like hardcore too logical but i'd rather err on the side of life but that doesn't we know you never like we will never get that grace for that like oh that's just how you with all of it like with when it comes to relationships when it comes to sex arguing all that there's never like men are programmed this way so like give them some slack for it right never it is even with like sorry no no no you go like even with like stuff well i remember talking about this a long time ago on the show but like a lot of things are and i don don't think this in the sense that I don't walk around and it doesn't consume me. And it's not something I'm angry about or whatever.

But if we're talking about it, we're talking about it. There's always just like – well, that's just what they – that's how they feel inside. That's who they are inside. This is why I'm inside too. There are times I wish it was different and this is what like right now I'm – I don't know. I can't help you. I can't – I can't give you what you want me to give you because I – or without like I can blatantly lie and like yes, honey.

Yeah, they're totally wrong. But if you want to actually do this, like my – what I'm going to give you, you you're not gonna be happy with yeah you know it's um i mean it's kind of what i was joking about joking about on last episode when i was like girls you wanted us in therapy and like this is what you get it's like it really used to be like you know just uh-huh uh-huh blah blah yes yes yes and like the wife like argues and pickers or fights and the guy just like drinks his beer and that's it but if if you want us to be engaged and involved and all that, that kind of goes both ways. I think a lot of times that maybe you're getting that shutdown if you're not coming at it. Because sometimes I think that emotions – I think men tend to be more emotional if it's in a fight sense, for example.

If somebody comes in – I don't know. it's in a fight sense for example like if somebody comes in in like i don't know it's like a testosterone thing like when you want to fight somebody and then a girl be like logically that's not a good idea to hit them and you're but you're still like whatever on emotion and i again i'm not like explaining this well that right now like logic isn't going to do anything so it's like you have to like emotion kind of is a priority over logic. But you have to kind of let them like get that out before that. And then maybe you can have a good response. It's obviously not going to be like that cut and dry every single time.

But it's kind of one of those things where I feel like if it's like as if somebody were to try to talk you down when you're all heated up about to like. Yeah, it's like that's not going to work. It's not going to work at the time. So you have to like I that and then get to the root of the problem and then whatever i would posit that a guy's emotional response that is unstoppable happens three times in their lifetime yeah whereas it's a pretty regular thing on the other side of the foot. I've had some pretty knock-down, drag-out fights about stuff that I don't even remember what they were about. Why are we screaming about this right now?

Right. I mean, it does just feel – I mean, I always laugh and we do this on stage with the Me Too 2 movement. In the beginning, we kind of got away from it a little bit, but in the beginning, we would use TikToks that were like whatever the new trending song and dance are, and the caption would be like, on my way to pick a fight with my man, on my way to push my man's buttons, on my way to bring up his ex because I know

it's going to cause a fight, and it's like, ha ha ha ha ha, what the fuck, man? Why do you fucking do that, that's insane that's absolutely crazy i'm like it just kind of gets laughed about uh they're definitely gonna be are they because they go viral every time they're immensely popular because everyone can relate i think that's because it happens all the fucking time i i really like that drives me insane and it's like it's just emotional abuse and it just goes totally unchecked i yeah and guys we we cause our fights there's a million times it's been my fault and but i didn't seek out to do it i hope you never

found out about it yeah i wasn't going to push your buttons. That's a difference too, by the way. I was doing something I wish you never learned about. You're talking to a guy. You're talking to a guy who has, for the last six years, tried to craft that response. It can't be done. But I just want to go on the record hypothetically saying that there is a difference of, I didn't do this to hurt you. I was hoping you were never going to find out.

I did this to make me happy and hopefully keep you in the dark. Whereas you did something or do something that is directly to blow me up. That there is a difference. I'm just saying there's a difference to be discussed. You came in like it was Hiroshima. I come in like a Navy SEAL.

I'm trying to get in and out. I don't want you to fucking know about it. I'm not pushing buttons. I'm avoiding buttons. I wanted no collateral damage. I got some. We lost a few good men out there. You came in like the second atomic bomb.

You dropped one and you dropped another one. And you thought, that was it uh and then it's just it's just you know what else i don't like is um and this is why i was so i i wish i knew who said this i know i i heard it i read it a tweet a headline an article something but it was a woman who transitioned to a man and got testosterone treatments and she was like oh my god i am so sorry because now that i have testosterone in my body i am like holy fuck this is what they've been dealing with this is crazy because when it comes to like estrogen and hormones and stuff like for women it's like oh my god i'm so hormonal and it's kind of like this like oh okay you know yeah and it's like well oh my god, I'm so hormonal. And it's kind of like this, oh, okay. And it's like, well, why isn't testosterone a hormone? And the hormones we have and the makeup we have, why isn't there some sort of free pass of like, oh, I'm sorry. I was testosterone today.

You know, like whatever. It's like there's no grace, none towards us at all. But then I also – I'm like, I don't care. I just give up and I just. Yeah, it's one of those things. I don't want to fight the fight. So I'm just like, it's just, we do do Me Too 2 on stage. And I actually hope as much as we laugh about it.

Sometimes I'm like, I do hope people in the audience go home thinking like, oh, wait, maybe there's some truth to that. But I'm not going to fight the fight. I'm not going to be, because it's just not going to work. Girls are never going to see our side of it. i i'm good at going it is what it is and then i don't think about it and it doesn't bother me like i said i like i don't walk around with these thoughts that consume me but if you ask me i'm gonna tell you what i think and that's i do think yes i and i do try my best to be like all right they're just it's emotional here's this yeah i don't think that happens the other way and it is what it is and that's that's it but

the um yeah and even with the me too too i think we at least try you know we can we fail to hit our target at times but i think we try and do it to make it funny rather than be like oh poor us right well then because they all the ultimate like trump card is you know a comment or a feedback of just like oh yeah it's so hard to be a white male out here. That's for sure not at all what I'm saying. I know. I get it. We're just having a conversation. Yeah, but within that construct of,

yes, you have it harder than me, that doesn't mean that there's nothing going on over here. So in summation, fucking boys rule and girls rule. The point was not that boys suck at all. The point is that if you're wondering, if like, I think it's more that we know sometimes like it's irrational, like it's not rational.

I don't think that at all. I think there is very very minimal girls and examples I do get that a lot like with a lot of people in my life now that I talk to that I think are both male and female like adults

will be like you know you're coming from it but my response to that is like okay but it's me him him him him him him him him him him him him him and him you know what i mean like in my head i'm like this guy this guy my friend my family member my co-worker that you know they all are going through it too so in my sample of probably like you know you interact with let's say like 20 people like truly in and out of your life like over 50 percent are going through this right so my mind might be an extreme where i get that i'm coming from like a

really bitter and jaded side of it but i'm not like alone yeah you know and there's nothing wrong with that i think like with basing beliefs on life experiences like it is like yeah that's just i i feel like anyone else who has like well this is how i deal with in my life and you're like oh it's like it's cool you maybe not necessarily cool but it's understandable that that's how you think because you were brought up this way or whatever and it's like i don't think it about everybody but when i talk about this subject i revert to your what I've experienced. I genuinely don't think like,

all girls are bad or crazy or anything like that, but in things I've had to deal with, it's come across that way. When I'm talking about this specific scenario, all I can talk about is what I've had to deal with and that's just all I'm talking about. Yeah, but I also, I do go a step where like anything else that i'm talking about in life which is all minimal i don't exactly cover a wide breadth of topics in my life but it's like

if i'm talking about sports i will always say to myself i'm coming from the point of view of like a loser fan who's never won before so i understand there's a caveat you know but like when i'm i do always think to myself like maybe this is just me but he like like i said he said that and he said that he agrees with me they see i'm kind of on the other side most of my life outside of me is surrounded by healthy healthy relationships yeah so i don't have very many strong examples i really it's very, but I really don't. And it probably starts with my parents and goes from there. But when I got married, initially, I was 100% like, happy wife, happy life. This is just how it goes.

You kind of get shit on and you kind of – some of your emotions and feelings aren't taken into account and you just gotta war up as Jackie says and like deal with it and then but I did meet enough people in my life where I was like wait a minute no they're good so I do have examples of where it doesn't work but I do have a lot

of examples of where it's like and then when things are going viral and jokes are being made and celebrity you know the examples you see like it's like and then when when things are going viral and jokes are being made and celebrity you know the examples you see like it's like oh okay if it walks like a duck female perspective it's like okay like i've been like burned and so she she she like she has like like or we've all had issues with guys not communicating whatever again it's not about the guys but i feel like it's just like a political, it's almost like Democrat versus Republican.

It's like every side thinks that they're right and that don't understand how the other side could think that way. Somebody said something to me recently that was, it was, fuck. It was like crazy girls date. Hang on, let me find this. It made sense. crazy girls date hang on let me find this it made

it made sense I'll I'll get the answer but it was basically like crazy girls only date this type of guy and this type of guy only dates these type of girls

so they only think I'd really love for you to find out what type of guy it is this would be humongously beneficial for how I need to change I'm actually gonna wait for you to find that out

because I'm gonna grab a water yeah I'll take one while John's gone I've got this fucking asshole who DMs me all the time starting in 2020 he would just text me and be like

do you still cheat on your wife and I and then he's like what's it like being a Mets fan be like, do you still cheat on your wife? And then he's like, what's it like being a Mets fan? Is it worse than when you cheated on your wife? And then he'll just randomly text me, do you ever just drunk text your ex because you miss her? It's been five years now.

Tell me how much you miss your wife. And then today, he just said, you know what, Kevin? I apologize for all the slander I've thrown at you. Every man makes mistakes. Some are bigger than others. I hope you can accept his apology. So then I finally responded.

I just said, for sure not. And he just went right back to hating. That's all right. I'm sure your wife had a tough time forgiving you as well. You did not apologize. You just went right fucking back to it. The Barstool Sportsbook has had a full blown makeover like a real one not like the

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Really? Yeah. Real quick before we do an Am I the Asshole? I was watching a porn the other day. Okay. We haven't talked about porn in 45 minutes. I had to bring it back. I actually feel like we haven't talked about porn in a little while.

Yeah. I've been watching, like, no porn. I don't watch much porn either. What do you think is happening? Are, no porn. I don't watch much porn either. I've been – What do you think is happening? Are we growing up? I don't know. But maybe – like, this is why I can't – I get, like – I just worry about –

Off the nog, as McCusker would say. Yeah, I'm off the nog. Like, there was a time where I would have, like, told you I'll never not watch porn. Like, it was, like like as I live and breathe. I wake up, I eat food, I drink water, I breathe air, I watch porn. And I was just like, there's just never going to be a time where I don't watch it before I go to bed or when I've got a free minute or whatever. And now I just don't as much.

I think I've probably watched porn three times in the last two weeks. Yeah. Are you still cracking it? No, I'm not going with Custer. I don't as much. See, I think I've probably watched porn three times in the last two weeks. Yeah. Are you still cracking it? No, no. I'm not going with Custer. I don't really. I don't go. You're still coming.

I don't go off script. No, no. It's just if I only go off my watch. Right. So you're not really jerking off anymore. I think we're. I think. What's it called?

I think our libido is down or something. Probably. But I'm like, thank God. Because I remember always being like, I would kill for some less libido. Because I was on a trajectory where I was like, by the time I'm 50, I'm going to be like, what's it going to take to get me off? I'm going to have Japanese women stepping on gerbils or something. You know what I mean? Like, what's going to get me going at this rate?

I get genuinely upset when I get hard. What the fuck is this thing that I pawed out of a little lab? I wake up and try to go back to bed like it's a hangover. Maybe it'll be gone in three hours. I mean, you know, I used to think we always talked about, like, first thing you do when you get to a hotel, you jerk off. When you're alone for the weekend in a hotel, you're painting the walls. And now I go away and I'm like, I haven't come in four days.

But there was definitely a time where it's like if it was even 12 hours, I'd be like, my brain isn't working. I got it. even 12 hours i'd be like my brain isn't working i gotta you know it just and then that's where i freak out where i'm like i i am still changing as like a person so how can like how do you know what what what the future is going to hold in any regard because i'm not even watching porn anymore you can hell froze over you think i'm like all I'm 40. I pretty much am what I am, right? Nope. Curveball. You don't even watch porn anymore. It's just, you're always changing. Which is nice, because otherwise it would be boring. If you were like, this is who I

am until I die, that would be boring. That is true. But I also liked watching porn. It would be like if, you know, I was about to say, it'll be like if I, you know, don't watch the Mets anymore. And it's like, maybe I could use that. Maybe if a couple years from now I stop watching sports, I'd be like, yes.

Yeah. Yeah. This is good to know because I'm currently – if I stay at this rate, I'm a first ballot Hall of Famer. You still got a long way to go. You're a real beater. Genuinely worried about it. Yeah, wait.

Real beater. The real beater club. Yeah. It was a time when – Wait, by the way, while Jack's out of the room, I Genuinely worried about it The real beater club It was a time when I was watching A fucking gangbang And the girl was so mean And it was like Directing them around She was like that's all you can do

That's all you can fuck Someone else can fuck my ass and make me cum. And I was like, Jesus Christ, he's doing his best. Right as artists out there. It was like I stopped. I just stopped. I was like, this is fucking... So he didn't do it for you?

Oh, yeah, no, I didn't like it. I was like, I'm so fucking mean to the guy. Yeah. That's that humiliation shit. I don't play that game, man. I don't like that at all. It was the most clear. I've seen everything.

It was the most clear split of like, I'm horny, I'm horny, I'm horny. Never mind. I'm not into that. Did that guy like pull out and leave? Yeah, they switched. Oh, my God. That is – that's a cuck situation. That is a true cuck situation.

That – what is that's a cuck situation that is a true cuck situation that I what is that Frank I'm sorry but that's the craziest one I've ever seen is that a Feidelberg

doppelganger that's the craziest one I've ever seen wow who is that some random dude on

like at the all star game I still think the craziest one for me is that University of Illinois girl. The Illinois girl? Yeah. Sorry, I dropped you. That is amazing. That humiliation shit, I don't get that.

I think it's because it's really exposing what I feel internally yeah someone else can I fucking maybe he's fucking gas back there man he's trying he's giving it all doing everything it came with what God gave him for God's sakes yeah that's like like I that's the same kind of thing we're talking about with like like oh, you've got to be loving and do this and that. You can't tell him he's doing a good job. Right. It really is the same thing I think about coaching

and like personal training and shit. I'm not going to respond to like the screaming in my face. That's all you've got, you fucking pussy. I need some positive reinforcement. I need, you know, don't you dare fucking try to come at me with that. Damn, look at you baby throwing it up yeah i want i want like yeah i almost came yeah baby i almost got there i almost did that that um that was the big discussion too with this whole adam 22 thing

which i i think is breaking out into the regular internet, not just the hardcore creep internet world. Because the Lena video has turned into a meme where the one she was like, guess who's here today? Did you see that? She's bent over and then he walks in the back. So people are green screening that. And it's, I think, turning into a whole thing.

But everybody calling him a cuck. Whereas the cuck, cucking is like you're in the room and the people are like, fuck you. That I could never understand. I can understand thinking it's hot to watch somebody – it's like you like to watch porn and now you're basically watching your girl do porn. I disagree with you on that. But yeah, I don't – I'm not there, but I can understand why people are there. What I can't get is the like, yeah, we're going gonna belittle you and make fun of you right you're just being mean just tell me there's a fucking jerk job right i get belittled all the time actually it's almost

exclusively what happens to me in my life right i get enough that's actually yeah most of the time like girls want to be like you know roughed up because it's like uh the opposite of like their regular life you know what i mean like i i don't i i needed i don't need more of this in the bedroom i need less of this in the bedroom i think the only way i could do that adam 22 shit is if it was like you do that and then you come home to me being like but like you fuck me the best yeah yeah the other way of like that was so much better than you like I'm like, oh, fuck this. Because again, it's just like a kid insulting you. It's exactly what I'm self-conscious about.

Yeah, and you know it. I'm still self-conscious about it. I have a move for it. I can't believe I'm admitting this. A move? Yes. What does that mean? Dude, dude.

Whenever I have sex. And honestly, it's like a natural reaction. It's not like I planned some scheme or something – it's, like, a natural reaction. It's not like I planned some scheme or something like that. Like, it's just a natural reaction. This is going to be some shit. I do it almost every time I have sex. Like, I'll – we'll look at each other afterwards or whatever. Like, you're going to still – like, it's not like we're doing dress.

Yeah, yeah. Like, we're, like, still, like – It's, like, right after. I'm still inside kind of deal. Right. And I almost always like lock eyes and I just pretend they made a look and I'm like, what? And just like that's just opening the door to be like that was good. I'm lobbing this up for you to say sex was good.

We're both like out of breath still. I'm like, what, what? And just hope that her response is like, yeah, that was great. Almost 100% of the time it's what? I didn't say anything. I can't think of a more awkward thing. So sex, the aftercare portion of sex, as they call it, is you going, what did you say? And her going, nothing.

Nothing. wouldn't you wouldn't you want if you if you want to get her to say like that was good wouldn't you prompt her in a different way then i don't feel like it's i don't again it's not like i'm not like okay now it just happens wow and uh it is um it's just i yearn for fucking uh approval approval that badly it's just my body like my fucking approval badly. It's just my body pukes it out. Don't you think you would want to go something like that was pretty good, right? I don't lead the witness.

I don't lead the witness. Yeah, no leading questions, Your Honor. But you would think if you desperately want that approval, you would lead them. But I want it genuine. If you lead the witness, they're going to be like, that was amazing. So you've got to just like, that was amazing. Yeah, yeah.

So you got to just go, did you say something? Yeah. And you hope her answer is, yeah, I said how fucking hot you are. I feel like I do that. But if I'm being cute and they're looking at me,

I'll be like, what? Yes! Then he does! You're just cute. But that's cute from a girl. From a guy, it's like, what the fuck are you doing? Do you have any confidence you fucking lose?

Like a girl can look at you and go like, what? And you're just like, I don't know. It is like I wait for you to lock eyes. I'm like, what? You ain't like 100% exactly that. I mean, that is so sad. And I hope that every one of your partners realizes what's going on and they just say to you, that was good. Yo, the lying that goes on during sex for all time is crazy.

Like when you come to realize, like, I remember, like, being like, oh, my God. I'm like, you know, the only person who's like not having sex anymore. And it was just like all my friends were lying. know what i mean and now that we're all older it's like oh yeah i mean there were times i hadn't fucked in months and it's like at the time you're like oh no no it's still so crazy and like we're still having so much sex and then you just realize like every it's like everything else in life like it's the same thing as work it's like probably a few of your friends like do really really well and a couple of them like you know back at home and have no job and the rest of you are like in the middle yeah right and all of you are like just probably having average sex an average amount of times with average people

you know and like and and and it's like instagram it's like oh my god that person's always traveling and doing this and that it's like no those are just the pictures. No one ever tells you the stories of like, yo, I had sex for like three and a half minutes the other day. Only did like two positions and it was over. You're never going to hear that. But that's what's going on. I said that. I replied to Stu.

Stu, I think recently, fairly recently, Dan was like, what are the Mount Rushmores? What Mount Rushmores do you want? He tweeted. And Stu replied like sex positions. And I replied, like, sex positions. And I replied, there are only three. Like, there are three.

Missionary back and on top. Missionary doggy and on top. That's it. There's nothing else. Well, see, I also,

I think her on top goes in any direction. There are 32 hockey teams. Actually, there are 34 and two all-star teams. Those aren't fucking, they don't play hockey. But I would say there's you on top, her from behind, her on top facing you, and backwards there's just like her on top.

In my experience, the reverse is – that's an – I've never been in a relationship where that's like a regular thing. There are three moves. Yeah. Don't pretend there's one three moves i i i will tell you uh there's a heavy dose of a fourth in my world which is the the spoon the laziest of oh see i thought i find i think it's my torn hip i can't do this book really oh i can't well i guess with a torn hip it would be a problem i what's funny is i just i can't i can't lift my life like, I guess with a torn hip, it would be a problem. What's funny is I just – I can't lift my leg.

Like this is – Bro, I told you I had to back into the split-up machine. I can't open my leg. My hip is torn. You can't do the spoon. I have a torn hip. I can't believe you can do any of the sex. Oh, oh.

Other than her on top. I don't think I said it to Tom, the chiropractor. But like when he's like, yeah yeah it probably hurts when you do some like certain activities like is it hurting this and like i don't think i outright said it first time meeting but i wore up you wore up oh yeah every time you're like just bro i can't get my pants off i can't bend down dude i i i i don't even having sex pants on all the time they get to i just however they fall yeah it is dude i can't i when i put on like body lotion this my left leg and my right leg are gonna look absolutely different i can't bend down to my right side i can only bend down over here because

it hurts my fucking torn head bro i'm pretty sure no bullshit you really need to go get this fixed i think this is the sort of thing if you don't fix it like you're ruined for life it's like when i even sitting up here i feel it pull like i can't bend down i can't get there it can't get there you just need to put on underwear you gotta wore up yeah i put my underwear on the floor and then i put i step my right foot in it and i back and bend to my left and i pull it up wait how do you get your right leg up though then i mean you can pull it all up oh it just comes well as you pull your left the right goes up but you couldn't start on the right i can't like start to my right jesus christ severely injured severely yeah the spoon would be not what if you lay on that side though

i could probably do that i can only yeah i can open i can only spoon i can't lay on that side though? I could probably do that. I can only spoon. I can't lay on my right shoulder from all the surgeries. So I have to spoon on the left side. So if any time that position is about to start and we're on the wrong sides, I got to go come over here. Dude, can you imagine if we ever went to war? We have these – If we ever actually wore up. Like just like – I wouldn't be able to do anything.

I could. They would send me home. They'd be like, you're literally useless. But I mean like if I went and fought in battle and came back, they'd be like, what can you do now? I'd be like, I have no game. Oh, yeah. Oh, forget it. I'd come back in a wheelchair.

I would absolutely. Like a full – I'd be like, yo, just say I'm a quadriplegic. Yeah. Yeah. Just put it down. Paralyzed? No, but basically, yeah. Dishonorable discharge. If you don't mind, just scrib say I'm a quadriplegic. Yeah, like... Is he paralyzed? No, but basically, yeah. Dishonorable discharge. If you don't mind, just scribble down I'm a quadriplegic. I mean, honorable discharge.

Just give me a little extra. Just right there. Oh, P.S. P.S., by the way. Dude, there's... I.E.D. He's a quadriplegic. He looks all right.

I'm just thinking more about it now. First of all, having to ask someone to switch sides is as demoralizing as it gets. And what I realized was the spoon effectively just becomes doggy style sideways. Yes.

It's not like a true spoon where your faces are together. It's kind of like I'm upright and she's like sideways we're perpendicular you know what i mean but it's just laying down and i was like oh this is just lazy doggy style and now when we're upright and vertical it's kind of like if you don't use it you lose it i'm like this is hard and i'm like losing my you know we can lay down right now yeah we could just you could just go and it would all stay the same and so then when you're now upright i'm like losing my balance kind of and the height's not lining up like just fucking turn this shit sideways it's i i mean

props to anybody who's still out there you you know, doing more than the core four positions. As you get older, it's like almost like a tree. Like doggy becomes definitely more. Like I don't really have doggy style sex anymore. Like a tree, what do you mean? Like it kind of just starts to tilt and tilt walls in the forest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where like it gets caught by these branches and then it's caught by these branches.

And eventually it's just laying on the ground. Like I don't, doggy style sex? I was sexing behind, but we're just laying on the ground. Like, I don't... Doggy style sex? I was sexing her behind, but we're just laying on top of each other. Just smushing your back in your butt. My gut is perfectly falling into your lower back. You're a good gang. It's just one of those...

It is like... Yeah, it's not pretty. We'll still start doggy, but again, it'll be like... Are you still doing weird shit? No. Yeah. I feel like I'll still start talking but again are you still doing like weird shit nah yeah I feel like I'll still get weird

bro I'm not 24 passing anymore I can only pass for 26 now bro I feel like there's a feeling of like I just want to know that it would be

on the table I think I said that before like if I just want to get wacky we could and we would but we don't have to you know i mean it's like it's like anything else it feels a lot to me like uh gift giving like someone says to me what do you want for your birthday i go i don't need anything yeah i anything. It really was the thought that counts. That was genuinely nice that you said that,

but I don't get gifts. I've got to get gifts for the kids. I've got to work. No, I'm good. But it's like, I could spit on your face during this. You're cool with that? Okay, but I'm not going to do it. You know what I mean?

That's crazy. The idea of, I've got to go get you a towel. But thank you. Thank you for even offering. So now I'm worried that I used to be like, what am I going to be like when I'm 50? Now I'm like, what am I going to be like when I'm 50? Because now I'm already, you know what I mean? We're already trending downwards in another 15 years.

If it's trending downwards, it's just. I'm sure. But come on, it is. I know what you're saying it doesn't it's not inherently like bad but it's like it's the fun crazy it's the same thing as partying it's like it's different now i hang out with my friends and we drink wine i i enjoy that but it's not like the fun stuff same thing with sex it's like okay i enjoy just like the spooning and it's actually kind of cool to be able to just get off and be lazy. But it's not the fun stuff.

I think it's important to always dial it back. Yeah, like throw the fastball a couple times. And I think I do it more than I think I do, realize I do. But like – I was actually – as I'm going through it in my head, I was like, okay, I think I'm still kind of depraved. Yeah, yeah. Again, I'm thinking about we live in a weird world. If I were to talk to some of the normal people in my life, they'd be like, you're still doing weird shit.

Exactly. I had that. We talked about it last episode. That with Chief when I was like – Yeah, right. We're still – He thinks it's a lot weirder than I do. Yeah.

And even just like being at that kind of bar. Yeah. People don't go to that kind of bar just for a regular drink. I think we – even like that Amsterdam trip was fun and wild, but it was just kind of kind of bar. Yeah. But you don't go to that kind of bar just for a regular drink. I think we – even like that Amsterdam trip was fun and wild but it was just kind of like cool. Whereas most people would be like, oh, my fucking God. And some of the people we talk to, the things that we do, the places we go, the stuff that we say, it's still – we're pretty, like I said, institutionalized where it's like, oh, this is very different. It's important I think to grow and change and all that stuff. Because, again, it's just boring.

If you're just who you are for 60 years, that fucking sucks. That's lame. Yeah. But you do some new things, do some fun things. But always be able to, maybe not even fun things, do more boring things. I've been reading a lot more recently. I very much enjoy it. I just read Sam Talon's book.

It's incredible. Yeah, Sam Talon's so fucking good, dude. Go read Running the Light. It is really, really good. Go listen to his podcast. From the opening page, you're like, oh Talent's so fucking good, dude. Go read Running the Light. It is really, really good. From the opening page, you're like, oh,

this is fucking great. The chubby behemoth, Sam Talent. He's awesome. But, I'm reading Michael Bolton's book right now, because he's the fucking man. Obviously.

Dude, lost a virginity at 12, maybe 13. He was just like, living by himself in the West Village. No way. First record,

maybe he wasn't like his family had a house in connecticut and then like he was spending but like he like he has an older brother who's kind of like roaming the west village with from like 12 to like 19 and first record deal at like 15 um yeah bolton's g um but the uh um which mccall it was gonna say why is I saying this oh yeah and I'm genuinely enjoying doing that

right now and I'm sure I'll change and all that stuff but I also even if I'm reading a little more big gay 90s kinky night

yeah I can still do that because if you just stay that person all the time again it's boring and it gets weird and also if you're the guy who's like at big gay 90s every night, you're like,

you can't be in the club every night. Be versatile, baby. I'm a utility player. I can do it all. You want me to play second? I got you. Left? I got you. You want me to pitch? We better be down 10, but I can fucking throw a change up. The logical thing that I was thinking of before

was just that normal dudes always date crazy girls and crazy like the crazies never match up with each other because crazy people prey upon the normal people normal guys are susceptible

to the crazy girls ways whereas a crazy guy would be like I'm hip to what's going on here because I'm crazy as well. So they never match up. So normal guys always get preyed upon by crazy girls and think to themselves, all girls are crazy. And it's like, no, no, no. Those are just the ones that fuck you and trap you because normal girls, for whatever reason, I don't know.

You're not getting preyed upon by them. You don't find them attractive. You don't whatever. So you never end up with the normal girl. So your assumption is just that they're all crazy when it's just that you're susceptible to crazy because you're a normie. I wish you had a different answer to that. Yeah. I wish it was.

I wish that was going another way, right? I wish it was just here's why you're fucked. Yeah. That is. But like that's here's why you're fucked in a completely different way. Yes. Where it's just like I don't want to change being normal. Right.

But then, and then, and then like normal girls, like she was saying, she's like, I could talk to all my friends who were like, this guy fucked me over. This guy dumped me. This guy cheated on me. Because the normal girls are dating the crazy guys. Because a normal, a normal dude, like a crazy guy is, I'm like, that's so fucking lame being like that. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. But those are kind of like the bad boys. I think that's kind of like the notion of the girls – girls like bad boys is kind of like the trope and guys fuck the crazy girl. Right. And so those two things always cross and a bad boy can never match up with a crazy girl because they don't – I can't control you. You can't control me. It's just like they butt heads. It's also lame from an outsider looking in too.

You're like, you fucking nutjobs. What are you doing? Yeah, yeah. No one is like, they're a great couple. Right. You don't really get to go – you don't get invited to couples' dinners when you're two fucking lunatics. Right. You would not have any friends.

You would not do anything. You can have a one-on-one and still get invited to couples' dinners. But maybe – You end up on an island it's just too too crazy but maybe not maybe the crazies need to match up and it's just like we cut each other off before i can even you know what i mean like i know what you're doing you're you're gaslighting me oh i know what you're doing you're going through my phone oh you know what i mean but even more so than just like the one-on-one relationship you you're cut off from society because no one's gonna hang out with you yeah but i so i think if

you if i'm if i'm friends with a girl and she's like i'm bringing she's bringing her fucking lunatic boyfriend i'm like whatever she's great like yeah deal with it but if they're both yeah i get what you're saying if you breathe you're dating a guy your buddy he's bringing his lunatic girlfriend you're like whatever he's a good time like but if they're both are you get the fuck out of here but i think what happens now is crazy girls date normal and susceptible guys, which turns into like they're the couple that like fights at the dinner because she's yelling and shit and he just like puts his head down or whatever. And then the crazy guys are the guys who date girls and then like Jonah Hill makes you like stay at home and never go out anymore. So I think the in-public terrible couple is usually going to be a crazy girl and a normal guy yeah and then the couple you don't see in the company don't see anymore is the crazy guy

and the like the girl who's being controlled which is probably the scarier and more dangerous of the two but i wonder if you cross pollinated like and then normal normal normals just don't attract to each other i guess boring you don't want a each other, I guess? It's boring. You don't want a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of vanilla. Right. So the normals never date each other. The crazies probably can't date each other, so we continue to just cross-pollinate, but it ain't working. I also feel like it has a lot to do with once you date one crazy person, then you have more patience for crazy.

And then the crazy people attached to you because you're the only person who could put up with their crazy more than anyone else. And then once they're kind of like already attached to you, then you, I don't know. I just feel like. Well, I think, I think for sure when you get older in life and you get damaged people who are together, those are the great relationships. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause you're like, we've both been through shit i do not even i cannot even remotely begin to care about the little shit like the stuff that i see like new couples and young couples fighting over i'm like you could legitimately go fuck somebody else tonight and i'd be like it's okay we'll figure it out let alone like the Jonah Hill shit. I was like, this is fucking insane. But I get it. When you're young or when you're first going through it, you go through that shit where you're like, I'm insecure about what you're wearing or who you hang out with or what you say or what you post on the internet.

Now I'm like, you can post, like, follow, literally do whatever you want. I don't care because I'm only worried about like the big things you know and and then you know if i feel like people who go through a really bad relationship are like oh i focus on the right things now if you have two divorced people who are like okay we really know what's what's important here like and then they work that's why every you need the starter home you need the entry-level jobs you need the starter marriages everything else in life you do in the beginning to fuck up so that you can get the right one later and in marriage you're supposed to get it right right away it makes no sense and they think that dating prepares you for marriage no no you know what prepares you for marriage other marriages the problem is that right away some dickheads made you say you have to do this one for life some weird religious asshole and you

know now we're at a point where adam 22 can't even have his girlfriend getting fucked by another guy without it being a big deal. Slippery slope, folks. All right, let's get into it. This is going to be another four-hour podcast that Jack is going to fall asleep during. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Sometimes in life, we're faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always very clear. So whether you are dealing with decisions around your career or relationships or anything else, therapy always helps you get connected to what you really want while you navigate life. So you can move forward with confidence and with excitement and knowing that you are making the right decisions. Whether you

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and fit around your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. To find more balance go to betterhelp.com visit betterhelp.com slash kfc today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp.com slash kfc find more balance with better help am i the asshole hypothetically speaking, if you give a coworker something, basically can you be an Indian giver, which I'm sure is not a cool term anymore. But if you give a coworker something –

That's a funny term. It's very funny and it's very apt, like very apropos. You know what I mean? Is it? Well, yeah. It's about like taking things back, right? Yeah, but I don't think they ever gave it to us. Well, right. That know what i mean is it well yeah it's about like taking things back right so yeah but i don't think they ever gave it well right yeah yeah so it actually is very incorrect but but at the same time they were like here you can have a country wait what it should be more like i don't

know the history i don't think pretty sure we know the history all this is yours and then we took it and they're like no never mind just kidding yeah i think it was'm pretty sure we know the history. All this is yours. And then we took it and they were like, no. Give it back. Never mind. Just kidding. Yeah. I think it was pretty quickly like, we got you blankets. Right. So it's.

And then. And then. We're heavily diseased. It's actually like, don't be a Puritan giver. Yeah. What it really is, is. But why it is appropriate is because, like everything else, we, whoever made up that term, was like, these fucking Indians want it back.

They already gave it to us. Like, no, dickhead. We stole it. We're not even Indians. That, to me, is the funniest shit in the world that for, like, hundreds of years we just called them the wrong thing because the guy got it confused. And then people got to a time where Native Americans had enough say to be like, by the way, Native Americans. And everyone's like, PC. Yeah, PC bullshit.

Imagine you just called me Rick forever. And I was like, by the way, it's John. This fucking pussy won't even let me call him John. This fucking guy wants to be John now. And there's another – there's already a group of people called Indians. That's why it's, it would be like, it would be as crazy as if we just called Native Americans Chinese. Like, they're the Chinese. No, no, no, no.

That's a different Indian. That's a different Chinese. No, it's just a different group of fucking people. Which Indian are you talking about? The only Indiansians the ones from india the one where he was from america are not what you talk about just your all-time mix-ups you know like like that would be a funny skit columbus like eventually they sail the globe and they map it out and he's like oh and he's like, oh, fuck. And he's like, yo, the toothpaste is out of the tube on this one.

The horse is out of the barn. We can't tell them we're not in India. We're fucking 100,000 miles away. We built the welcome to India sign. We're already calling them Indians. I'm not repaying it. So hypothetically, you're at work you have a workspace that's filled with a lot of stuff

that you want to clean out a lot of the stuff to you is kind of like just get rid of it, I don't care about it you recognize that it's actually very nice stuff it's unworn stuff it's stuff that other people might really enjoy

so rather than throw it out you offer it up for grabs to people might really enjoy so rather than throw it out you offer it up for grabs to people and you say hey there's a lot of stuff in this box it's all yours and then you go back into your hypothetical studio and then you're walking out your hypothetical office and you see the person wearing a sweatshirt that you just offered to them that you didn't realize was in that pile that is a very nice piece of clothing that you paid a lot of money for

oh are you the asshole if you ask for that back you are not I also would not I would not I'm never going to yeah yeah I so what I did what I would not I'm never going to yeah yeah I so what I did what I would recommend the person

I was like what what did I what the hypothetical person did I she she said oh my god

this stuff is all so cute like I'm loving this thank you so much and I said yeah it's nice and I I kind of like grabbed this

because she put it on she loved it so much she put it on right away and she like I grabbed it like this and I was like this one though like this one really nice was like, this one, though. Like, this one, really nice.

I didn't want to be like, that one, several hundred dollars. That one, not made by Barstool Sports. But it was a – hypothetically is something that you would maybe treat yourself to, something that you wanted for a long time but couldn't justify spending the money on it until you had the means to. And then you bought it. But then it was a really disappointing piece of clothing because it didn't really fit you right. And it was way too heavy and hot. So I probably will never wear this thing again.

But it was like – it's not only that it was just like expensive. It like was this thing to me where i was like buying that hoodie yeah yeah you know but then i got it i remember we were interviewing ria and i was like pouring with sweat and i had it was the only time i took my shirt off in the middle of an interview because i was like this is too hot i'm never gonna wear this again so then today jackie tells me that she was going to go grab that sweatshirt and that and run it by you and run it by me um but the wrinkle here is that she came in and just said ke Kevin, that sweatshirt yesterday,

that was yours, right? And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. So something must have happened where somebody brought up that sweatshirt to her that she would go check, right? That she would then come in and check with me? Yeah. Who came in to check, Jackie?

No, Gia. Oh, okay. So Gia came in and said, Kevin, just to check, that sweatshirt was yours, right? So she wanted to check that it was okay that she had it, that I wasn't giving away your hoodie or something, I think. But there must have been some talk about that sweatshirt. Otherwise, why would she come in and ask about the one sweatshirt?

I'm sure she went home and looked up the price. Because she was taking a bunch of things. I'm sure she went home and looked up the price. That's what I mean. Somebody – I don't know if you would be able to look up you know what I mean so I think somebody might have said something and she was kind of like oh shit but now

did you tell her about that or was she learning this on the show she came in right before you were in the bathroom and said that to me and I said yeah yeah it was mine so I not only I could have I could have done it in the moment I probably could have done it after the fact and said hey hey, I didn't want to be awkward, but that's expensive. And I could have done it right then and there too, but I'm never going to do this.

I'm not going to take it back. So she's going to keep it no matter if she hears this or people talk to her about it. It is hers. First come, first serve. I'm sorry. I would have given it to you. You're on the team. I would have loved you to have it.

Consider it punishment for not getting the podcast up. It's just first come, first serve. You can have this. I'm never going to wear this ever again. This was a very nice – That was a kimono? Yeah. Wait, that's a pretty important garment too.

Yeah. This is all stuff that I was supposed to be mine or is mine that is nicer stuff, and I'm not going to wear this again. I'll take your winter kimono. Thank you. I mean, I would take your winter kimono. Wait, wait, wait. You know what's funny?

That's about as heavy as my sweatshirt. I can't wear it. It's way too hot, and you get cold. I don't know what outfit I would wear this with, so if you want the winter kimono. I can't wear his. You know what I mean?

No, it's yours. Thank you. Do you want the winter kimono? No, it's all you, Jack. Everybody wins. It is dope inside. I forgot how cool it is inside. Are you sure you want it? Yeah, it's all you everybody wins it is dope inside I forgot how cool it is inside are you sure you

want it yeah no I'm not I might wear it again but thank you I mean I can't wear it again you know the

sweatshirt fits Gia it's not gonna fit me um but boy just another example of like you're just why are you so awkward? You know?

But that's like – that's an awkward thing I think. I think that's a very fair awkward thing to like almost everybody. If she hadn't put it on, if it was still like she had like other stuff over her arm, I think I would have been like, oh, wait, wait, wait. That one I want to keep. But she clearly was like, oh, this is so awesome to put it on. And also like the fact that it doesn't fit you, the fact that it's not too hot. I'd actually get more joy out of giving. Totally.

Which is an older thing. I never used to get that at all. Oh, no, I like getting gifts. You like giving gifts now? Huh? I used to be like, people get more joy from giving a gift than getting a gift. I was like, fuck that. I like getting presents.

I hate getting presents now because I don't like anything yeah hard to please i have to pretend i like it and then but i do like are you liking giving but i like giving and so like i'm i'd much rather than i'd like to buy my own shit so like if i like it like and i and there are some people who i like to shop for me because there is something and i think is why i like gift giving where you're almost when i gift give i try and get something that I know they wouldn't get themselves. Yes. But I think it's like – It pushes – you would never buy this color or this brand or this shirt or this style.

Now you have an excuse to fucking step out of your comfort zone, put this on. It's a great – you know what we should do? That's just crazy. Because you also have the – I'm giving you a built-in excuse that someone comments on it. Like, ah, someone's got it for me. Yes. I think people are scared to say, like, I put this on, tried it on in the mirror, thought I looked good. I said this is a shirt for me and I look silly over it. I was – when I was just about to pitch, I was about to try to invent birthdays to you.

I was about to say, how about once a year we get each other something, like, out of our comfort zone. It's a birthday present. It's a fucking birthday present. Maybe like in mid-December would be a good time. Late December. But, okay, but I do think there should be something because I could get you a thing. I could get you tickets, whatever, clothing.

I think once a year, let's either just say for our birthdays or for Christmas or pick a random day, clothing day, shopping day, whatever they do. October 14th. October 14th. Why did you say that? There's no reason? Okay, October 14th.

Same reason I said big cock. I just say what's in my head. October 14th, we get each other something. I'm really going to come out ahead on this one because it's really a one-way street. I'm not going to be like, here's a plain t's really a one-way street i'm not gonna be like here's a plain t-shirt have you ever thought about this nothing on it pretty good but i'll try to get you something uh and then you have to get me something that is cool and and and you think would work on me okay and then if people say like dude you look silly i can make no this is a new

thing i'm trying on because of John. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't know what I'm going to get you. This is really hard, but I'll figure something out. But the, but yeah,

like, so I, I, like, with someone, if someone saw something I have, and that's why I gave that to Jackie because she would wear it a lot and I thought it was cool. Well, I mean,

the mere fact that this hoodie that I, like, I, you know, it was my Wayne's World guitar in the window. Like, I wanted it so bad Wayne's World guitar in the window. I wanted it so bad. It was sitting in my pile here because I never wore it.

So it's one of those things. It's like even if I said I want it back, it's like you clearly are never going to wear this. I hope she wears it all the time. People are like, that's a fucking awesome hoodie. But it is a funny situation. And I saw that. I was like – Even if that was like my favorite thing something i wore all

the time i'd never never ask her back it's a patchwork thing so it's made of different materials and from a distance she had some of the other clothes over her shoulders and i could only see from a certain angle and just this part i could see like the it was like a woven blanket sort and i was like that looks a lot like that oh oh, yep, okay. There it is. But Jackie said she – when I said, we're getting rid of all this shit. Take whatever you want or we're throwing it out. She was like, I'm going to find that. I know it's in the pile somewhere.

Did you just miss it or I took it away already? Because you had taken it away. So then I thought it was maybe in the pile. And then I had the same thing where I was walking out and I go, oh, my God. There it is. But I want to know why she came in and said, is that your sweatshirt? She might have just Googled it and been like, oh, this is a sweatshirt. Not like... I think most of that

Piles of Barstool stuff, right? Yes. Yes. Almost exclusively. But I wonder... I guess you could just... Yeah. But... This will be awkward now when this goes out. I think we've been clear enough. You're keeping it. Yeah, but she'll probably be like,

no, no, no, please take it back. But don't even do that. It's yours. Please don't acknowledge this, Gia. Do not come up to me. Don't want to hear it. Enjoy the sweatshirt. Love it.

I'm so happy it's in. It's like rehousing a dog or something like that. You know what I mean? I'm fucking, I got the puppy and I realized this is just not jiving with my lifestyle and I want it to be in a happy home.

That's what I'm doing. I would sweat – it could be negative two degrees out. If I put that sweatshirt on, I'd be like, I'm too hot. I'm dying. It's a comically heavy sweatshirt. You say please don't acknowledge this. I forget if I said this on the show or just to you. I watched that um show based

on true story which is arguably the worst ending of all time and i still recommend it because it is a fun watch um which i think is a testament to the show it actually has like probably some of my more in original shows like new shows laugh out loud moments in tv this year really it's some pretty funny like not a ton it's not you're not in stitches the whole time. But, like, there are a couple lines. I was like, that was fucking funny. Yeah. But there's a line in it where it's Chris Messina, who you recognize. He's the agent in Air.

He's the agent who's always talking to Matt Damon. And Kaley Cuoco. And they're just a couple. It's like a parody not parody but it's a commentary whatever you want to call it on like murder mystery obsessions right and one of kaylee cuoco's friends is this hot chick who's like an influencer and christmas they see each other on vacation they see each other at the pool it's like i saw your workout video this morning like you're hitting it pretty hard she's like what and he's like the video like you posted like you're a good workout and she's like

okay and walks away he's like he's like what the fuck was that and she's like what do you mean what was that from you he's what do you mean what do i mean she posted something i acknowledged it yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm the yeah she's like you don't talk about things people post on the internet don't talk to your friends about their fake lives. It's so true. It is so true. It is. When someone talks about the podcast, like a fan or whatever, yes, that's obvious.

That's our connection. But when someone in my family or a friend is like, oh, I saw – You know what you need to do is respond in kind. If you can talk about it on another podcast you can respond to me yeah you know like don't keep this on podcasts you know like i will awkward you know especially during like the barstool radio days and stuff it's like we're gonna come in here dave's gonna trash you i'm gonna have to like agree with him on some points and say things that i don't like about what you're doing and then we're gonna get outside these walls and i'm gonna be like

you're doing great out there, man. You're fine. It's just two different worlds. Keep them fucking separated. So, yeah. Please don't say anything about it. Voicemails? Yes.

Bro, you have a torn hip and a broken bladder. Dude, I'm not forcing it out not drink i'm taking full passes i mean that's like three in an hour the other day you peed after the episode and then we like talked for a couple minutes and we were then we were gonna do something else and you're like i gotta pee again and i was like he just he did his post-episode pee. It's crazy. This is probably my fifth liter of water today. But do you pee like during the day? What do you mean?

Or is it – I feel like you drink five liters and then the pee starts at like 3 p.m. And then you pee like a thousand times. Maybe. Maybe. I mean you have peed three times during this episode. You started it, you peed in the middle and you just peed now. Yeah. One podcast.

It's crazy. We actually need to start leaving in the pee breaks as part of the show. We'll go pee. You know what? Going forward, when John has a pee break, I will talk about another topic and they'll be called pee break topics. It'll be something that John wouldn't want to talk about or doesn't know about or something like that i'll always have them on deck because i'll have about three or four of them episodes we'll talk about aliens conspiracy theories here's my med segments and shit like that all right voicemails look at this girl's eyes god

damn with daniel craig calling him hey everyone so a few weeks ago My husband told me That he was able to Suck his own dick And every once in a while Would blow his load In his mouth Oh my god My question is For Kevin

And Fights Would you Suck your own dick Blow your own load In your mouth And tell your spouse Bro I hope you guys

Are having a great day She said this So casual Would you fucking Tell the internet and tell your spouse. Bro! I hope you guys are having a great day. She said this so casual. Would you fucking tell the internet? Alright, I think we got our voicemail of the week. Congratulations on the Pirate Water and merch case. Yo. To be clear again,

going forward, voicemail of the week goes to it'll be Pirate Waters and merch and a case and I think it comes in treasure chest call in with those you are the winner you are the winner this week

she said that so casually I was not ready for that decidedly out of A, B, C, and D, being the person to then call into a show and put her husband on blast, I think the calling in is the craziest thing ever. I think not in your mouth. No. Yeah. No.

Listen. Everything else is weird sexual pleasure stuff. And everything else has been done. That's never been done. That's never been done. Kevin Smith was the previous craziest about admitting it about yourself on our show.

You putting your husband on blast for it is the new craziest move. I hope he likes pirate water. He's going to need something to rebound on this. This has been in a couple things recently i mean you know this has been talked about forever but i feel like just recently i heard it on a couple other shows and i've seen it references in a couple other uh movies and tv shows um that should start being how we do like calendar years

like they'll be longer they'll probably be like three years but it's like oh is that on the internet again yeah that's yeah it's that time again yeah yeah it's like how other planets like a year lasts like 565 days on this planet yeah earth now has uh internet years yeah it's like did that guy fuck a pool raft again yeah turn the calendar um to answer the question, it's – again, I think we've kind of talked about it before. I think I would be curious. I think I'd probably do it once. Here's the thing. Much like we just discussed, in the past, I don't know if I ever said it with my chest.

If I could suck my dick, I would suck my own dick. I would probably try it once. I would probably do it a lot. But just like I don't – I'm not even jerking off or watching porn as much anymore, I'm certainly not going to be throwing my legs over my head, bending my body down. Like it's just not – I think as Kevin James says, it's a lot more sucking a dick than getting a dick sucked. Yes.

Now, I also – I am pretty sure I wouldn't come in my own mouth. But here's the thing. Much like with girls, sometimes I'm like, I think it would be easier to just swallow it and be done with it. If you're not coming in your own mouth, what are you doing? You're probably going to end up like it's gonna go everywhere yeah you probably unless you stop well ahead of time unfold yourself and just finish by jerking off in which case what's the fucking point right if you're gonna wait to the last minute and like pull out you're coming all over your face you got a towel sitting next to you here he just is yeah yeah maybe that's what you just put it but uh i would think that coming while like unfolding your body is probably not an enjoyable

thing yeah so i bet if you do do this i bet you just come in your mouth it could be a great double cum could be like feel so so good to be cumming. But you're getting it off all the way? And also so good to not be folded into a ball anymore. Right. You experience like, that's how you experience a female orgasm. Yeah, I had multiple.

I had multiple orgasms. It was just you not folded up like a pretzel. I'm there like convulsing, like fucking doing Kegels. I mean, I would for sure like pull, like have a charlie horse and all that sort of shit you know um i think admitting this to your girl the order of craziness the least crazy sucking your own dick swallowing your own cum admitting

it to your girl your girl putting you on blast on the internet. No, I don't think admitting it to your girl is that crazy. You're just talking about wild shit you've done. I'd rather hear about that than you fucking someone else. Right? Yeah. I think most girls would rather you tell a story about you having sex with another girl than I suck my own dick. Jackie?

I mean, I would rather i i don't know i would get such a ick i would be like about about what both he sucked his own dick yeah would you would you rather like my spouse my significant other has sucked a dick like like the problem is his but he's sucked the problem is with this if this now gets out it's like every dinner party you're at. Yeah. You know, we're all older now, but if someone's playing Never Have I Ever, if you somehow get locked – strapped up to a lie detector test, whatever it may be, that's coming out now. Would you rather a boyfriend –

I wonder if it gets in your own head like – like I'm getting – well, I can't speak to it at all i i don't know anything if i've sucked my own dick i'd be like i critique it as someone who's experienced it as well so i wonder if that's but you can't really oh you mean like like your girl would be like do you do i suck dick better than you suck your dick yeah but you can't really give yourself good head come on swirling the tip and everything and like doing that like sorry sorry i'm not just saying margarita's out again as i was saying swirling when i was saying the critiquing i like the only critique I use, because again, it's like a two-button system. The only critique I have,

I swirl better. But you can't like, you know, you're not like deep-throating your own dick. You're barely getting to the tip, you know what I mean? Yeah. You're not giving yourself good head, you're just giving yourself head. Put it this way. If you, a girl or guy,

not attached to a dick, can't suck it better than the person attached to a dick, you suck at giving head. You give really bad head. The problem is you scratch my back better than I scratch my back. Exactly. You can't massage yourself. I'm going to put my arm back here. I'm going to whack. That doesn't work.

A full massage. Would you rather a boyfriend tell you about fucking another girl or sucking his own dick? If he's not funny about sucking his own dick and like if he can't be funny about that and like let me. Laugh about it. Tell people. Yeah. Then I'd rather him. Wait, you would tell people?

I would have to. Like the second I get a drink in me, I'd be him... Wait, you would tell people? Oh, I'd tell people. I would have to. The second I get a drink in me, I'd be like, you guys. Wait, wait. No, you... If he said... You would.

I don't think you would. That's a pretty big violation. I disagree. I guess they... Would you tell regular embarrassing details about your sex life to people? Tell them funny stuff happens. But if it was at the risk of them being embarrassed, you wouldn't?

No, but I would only tell – again, I can only speak to it. I would only tell it as it's funny. I know. I wouldn't be like, babe, I have a confession. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But I'm just saying when it comes to guys liking any sort of gay shit, there's still like a stigma and it's weird. The girls don't run around being like, my boyfriend likes this up his ass. That's just like, OK, whatever goes on, we don't talk about.

I think if this is something that's in your relationship and you tell your friends, that's pretty fucked up. Yeah. I would only tell someone expecting they told people. That's the smart way to do it, yes. Expecting that like we like we bust ball i don't tell anyone anything anymore but not that i don't relationship uh-huh like in a relationship even in a relationship even in my close relationships i don't because no one no one doesn't tell people yeah i i but it's i only tell people

not tell people that i'm stuck on my own dick. Dude, basically, I live my entire life now like the Internet's on. I only tell my closest confidants things that I know they're going to... If I tell you something, I am assuming you're telling it to everybody. I don't tell anyone

fucking anything. Stu was asking me about something about that at the wedding. do you operate differently now that the cameras are on you all the time? And I was like,

I always pretend I'm live. And I'm like, yeah, if somebody's going to hear you or whatever. I think... So wait, what's your answer? I'm thinking about it actually now and I really would not like it if he was consistently sucking his own dick.

Okay, what about this? Much better, tell me. What about he is like talking about specific sex with his ex-girlfriend that was great it's like a hard scenario to imagine but like i don't know you're in a you're at a party everyone's talking about sex and he's like oh my god the way that carolyn used to fucking blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah or would you rather be like so man babe i gave myself a load down the back of my throat

i don't know this is truly selfie's choice yeah yeah i think i would i would rather him talk about his ex which is crazy though because the last thing girls want to hear about is you fucking your ex. I don't know what I mean. I would rather she talk about eating her own pussy if the roles are reversed.

Totally. But it doesn't work that way. Yeah. A girl eating her own pussy first of all would be wildly impressive. I mean that extra

you know six inches is a huge difference. They're down a rib, right? They're down a rib. Are women actually down a rib? I don't think so. No?

I think that's a myth. That's just the Bible? I think so, yeah. But also they're down that several inches. That makes a big difference. Yeah. But man, is that crazy to just casually bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tell the boys on the podcast about it.

Huh? He was saying the same. He was saying the same. So I would probably try it. I probably would finish the job at least once to see how it goes. And then I think like anything else I'm experiencing now, I would be like, I'm not doing it anymore. Yeah, I mean it's like

Jarkinov standing up. Why am I going to do that? It's a little different. It's a little different than that. It's a lot different than that. I'll be honest, Jarkinov standing up is not that crazy. It's just an easier way to do it. Standing up or laying down?

Laying down. It's just like – Yeah. I don't know. It's not like when you put your dick on the granite, on the marble. That's just good, clean fun. But like, yeah, sometimes it's in the sink. It's, you know, standing up. It's not that crazy.

It's not crazy. It's just like – it's not that crazy it's not crazy it's just like it's not preferred it's not i think that those are two very different gaps than like sucking your own dick yeah i guess you're right dude i did not see that coming it's not a topic we obviously have not broached before we've talked about it many times but boy i did not see that girl girl smiling or nice blue eyes being like, my husband sucks his dick and swallows his cum. Woo, coming in hot. Hey, guys. So this is something that happened to me recently.

I was at an event where I was forced to take a poop in a port-a-potty in the morning. A business decision had to be made. I manned up and I did it. It was also a sizable poop not to be gross but it just was i was i was top dog in that port-a-potty for the day no close seconds um and so when i came back later in the day to to go number one um i made i made misty eye contact with that same port-a-potty that i had recently and respectfully destroyed um and and i said home field advantage say less bro and that's exactly what i got which was it was fascinating i walked in and i felt an aura of welcoming

at the entire experience was markedly more palatable uh and and it was almost as if because nobody was gonna do more damage to my nose than I was, no damage was done. It was really interesting. I'd even go as far as to say I felt comfortable in there. Yeah, I get it. Put me in cuffs, bro. I'll say it. Anywho, is that like valid or no?

Totally. Have you experienced that? This makes perfect sense. I would imagine not, but thoughts? This is like smelling your own farts. You're fine with it. I agree. I'm also so glad that that woman whose name escapes me, that she called in this week and won.

Because Glenn's going to win so many cases of fire water. So many times. It's a great voicemail. We've got to get an age on Glenn. He might be getting merch. We might need to – you know how Jerry West is called the logo? Yeah, yeah. We need the Glenn – when we put out voicemails, we need to like – you know how like Jerry West is called like the logo? Yeah, yeah. We need like the Glenn – when we put out like voicemails, we need to like put out like a logo with a G on it or something.

His delivery is so awesome. And I love that – you know what Glenn does? Glenn is like Joey Chestnut. I said this on the rundown. We're talking about Joey Chestnut is an American hero. Joey Chestnut, he just shows up on the 4th of July. about joey chestnut's an american hero joey chestnut he just shows up on the 4th of july he does his thing that's it yeah he doesn't try to parlay it into a fucking book deal in a movie series and he's not on espn being an announcer and all that shit

he's just like this is what i do glenn at least so far he's just like i do a voicemail every couple weeks everybody loves it i'm not gonna overplay my hand and try to be like, yo, give me my own podcast or whatever. He's just – his delivery is on point. His timing, his frequency, all of it. All of it is on point. But I think this makes sense. It's wildly disgusting. It's super bizarre.

But if you were to take over that porta potty and then you go in there and you know that like what you're smelling and feeling is your is you it would be okay i think i yeah i i also concerned like there's probably not many other people doing that in the porta potty that porta potty that day you gotta be pretty fucking crazy to take a shit in a porta potty in the morning the morning like you gotta be super desperate or you're just like a sick pup wanting to do it. Because it's like, why? You really couldn't hold it to get somewhere else? Like, it was that big of an emergency?

That's not happening that frequently. No. So he probably had like one of the only ones in there. God, porta-potties are just gross. Porta-potties are. What do they do? Okay, let's say a festival ends. Sunday night.

The festival's over. They had all those porta-potties. What do they do? Suck the shit out. They put like a tube in like the top, in the back, whatever. And you suck it into like a tanker or something. And then that goes to like a sewage plant. Yeah.

And then they, do they ever clean the thing? Yeah. The porta-potty? So that's like, oh, so then they – do they ever clean the thing, the porta potty? So that's – oh, so then they take an empty porta potty and they, what, bring it to a warehouse and, like, blast it with a hose? I guess. I don't know. Because, like, you're never really – it's forever unclean. It's forever unclean.

Like, I would love to know that. Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe. I would venture to guess he's done that. Yeah. Like, if you're in the porta potty industry, what – how does it work? that dirty jobs mike rowe what what i would venture to guess he's done that yeah like what if you're in the port-a-potty industry what how does it work because i've seen one of the craziest things i've seen was uh one of the like a street like a corner hot dog food vendor guy walking his uh cart into there's like a there's like a parking lot in all of all the where they put them all you know

and and people always tell you like you see the rats and shit that go in there at night so it's like don't ever eat that food because they're disgusting but it's like oh yeah this is those things come and go they're not just like on the corner magically so i would love to know how that works but yeah i think this all makes sense i think it all makes sense i've had i've also i've had i think i've said before i've I've had sex on Porta Potty. It's arguably the most wild thing I've ever done. Yeah. That's one of those things

like your dick can catch an STD from the air. That's how gross it is. And as a girl, like that air like gets inside your pussy. It would. Porta Potty air,

Porta Pussy, Porta Potty Pussy is gross. I mean, I imagine it happens a lot. Totally. I would actually imagine that more... Do you think

there's more shitting or sex going on in Port-A-Potty? Sex. I would think sex, too. I would think sex. Did you say shit, Nick? Yeah. You said that so confidently. Fuck you, Nick. There's shit in every Port-A-Potty. There's sex in every Port-A-Potty.

I guess... There actually is an alarming amount of shit in port-a-potties. Yeah. Where it's like piles of it. And like how many people could have shit in this? Yeah. Like I would expect there to be like one. Right. Yeah.

I guess logically. You're a fucking animal if you shit in a port-a-potty. You're just like a little bit horny if you fucking want. Yeah. I would not judge you for fucking in one. At music festivals, you're going to go do it and they're going to do coke. And you're not going to shit.

You're going to go do a drug that makes you so horny you'll fuck anything. You're probably going in there with a woman to do it. We're right here. Let's just get it over with. Three or four birds with one stone. I can assure you, it's a quick leap from let's do a line to let's fuck. Yeah, yeah.

Was that a preakness? Preakness. Yeah. How long did it last? It lasted a little longer than it usually does. That's another thing, too. If you're fucking in a porta potty, it better be a quickie. Yeah.

Because there ain't no position changing. There's just bottles of cans of fucking Bud Light raining down on you. You fucking yip to the gills. Honestly, romantic as fuck. Talk about warring up. You're in there. You're taking enemy fire. Like, let's just do it, babe.

You're fucking mucking barn. Because that means you're fucking You already have Mucking barn Cause that means You fucking You're taking away You only got One way to get oxygen in So you just Bro if you eat pussy In a porta potty

I ate pussy In a porta potty No Yes That's way grosser You go on your knees And she's set it up That's weird enough

Cause that is It's like you're giving a girl a blowjob But you do it in a porta potty I think I've only done that once before I think it was only once Because I think it's burned to my brain Like me on my knees Standing up beating a girl up

All the time Paz Nick I'm Italian that's gay All the time. Pavs? Nick? No. I'm Italian. That's gay. There is something inherently gay about getting on your knees and looking up at someone, even if it's a chick. Don never wear shorts.

Don doesn't eat pussy. Pussy, dude. It kind of makes sense though actually that we would do it that way because it also it ends up like

the angle you know what I mean like I remember growing up like thinking that like your boner went out and it would go

into a pussy you know and then you realize it's got to go up because it's got to get like underneath you know what I mean and I think that actually that angle of like being on your knees and getting up underneath pussy, you know? And then you realize it's got to go up because it's got to get, like, underneath, you know what I mean?

And I think that actually that angle of, like, being on your knees and getting up underneath makes sense to do that that way, but it's very rare. Whereas a girl, if you think about it, when you're... You're just kissing a mound of skin. Like, if you do it from the front, like, you can't get the angle. I'm just... Really? Well, I mean, you would know.

I mean, you would know. I'm in the back of a hand. But wait. No, I think – I guess it depends on how tall you are and shit, though. Oh. Because I'm thinking about – You do. Ordinarily, when you're –

Most of the people I sleep with, on my knees, I'm to their chest. Yeah, that's – I guess that's the problem. Because with a girl – Can you clarify age? Now I guess I have to. Now that we've made it weird i was just talking about short women dude nobody said anything else without that fucking weirdo so here's the thing women are typically shorter than men and typically my girlfriends are shorter than me they're of age yeah Yeah, that's right. That doesn't sound like it now that I say it. I swear, dude.

I swear, totally. All right, let's move on. I could talk about this for another hour. Last one. Sup, KFC, Fights, Nick, Jackie, Paz, Mikey, everyone else there. I got a crazy question. So what do you think is the over-under on tits you've seen in your life? Like, I'm only a second-year university student, and I'm not going to lie, it's hard to put a number on it.

It's got to be up there. Because I've seen a lot of titties, but I'm only, like, second-year college. Like, I can't imagine how many it's got to be for you fucking old dogs. Anyways, I love the show. Thanks for everything. Old dogs. I hope he sent that after hearing last episode because that's fucked.

That just happened to me twice in the same year. Old dogs. Now wait, I want to clarify. I'm thinking about this as in person in person yeah and i think so is he because he keeps referencing in college meaning like i haven't been with many women because if you're talking about porn and movies and shit it's like literally infinite yeah but um scene here's the thing i not being a huge strip club guy not having gone to many like a public naked sex spectacle type things i bet the number of how many tits i've seen and how many tits i've like interacted with it's pretty much the

venn diagram like on top of each other like a you know a couple mardi gras tits here and there a couple strippers here and there really it yeah most tits i've seen i have been the tits here and there, a couple strippers here and there. That's really it. Yeah. Most tits I've seen have been the tits I'm having sex with. Yeah, for sure. Obviously. I don't think that's that obvious. I mean, if you're – you go to a strip club a lot.

If you go to sex clubs, if you go to Mardi Gras every year, if you are on spring break all the time. It's not like a thing, but I do think there are people who see a lot of tits outside of sex. I don't think, I don't know if that fucking guy, Carol, has gone wild. But that's unique. I think most people, it's like, yeah, there's a few sides, but like...

Yeah. So the number is probably multiply the the number of people you slept with by two two titties you know I don't know now that I'm thinking about it

add like you know another set another like 20 sets another 40 boobs I was gonna say 700 you think you've seen 700 so 350 Another 40 boobs? I was going to say 700. You think you've seen 700? So 350 naked women chests? At least. In person?

Yeah. I mean, you are an absolute whore, so I feel like you... No, I think most of it's like, I'm not a strip club guy, but I've been to a shitload of strip clubs. I think now that you say 350, now that you cut it in half, I think it's more than that. I think it's probably a thousand boobs. How many strippers do you think you see in a night at a strip club? How many girls are on stage? How many am I watching?

No, but you got to – I mean let's say you're just in the room and you technically have seen 20 girls. So 40 boobs a night every time you're at a strip club? Yeah. I'm not a strip club guy, but again, I've been to 100 strip clubs probably. See, I don't think I've been to that many strip clubs. I think I would probably put it at like 25. Maybe 100 is high, but I'd say probably 75 then. That's a great question.

These are why we do these things. Yeah, I'll almost say probably 75. That's a great question. These are why we do these things. Yeah, I'll almost say I've seen 1,500 pairs of boobs. 3,000 boobs, 1,500 pairs. No, I'm sorry, 1,500. 1,500 boobs, 750-ish boobs. 2,000 boobs. I've seen 2,000 boobs. Let them say boobs.

See their boobs. And that's it. I'm kind of there. I've seen 2,000 pairs their boobs. See their boobs. And that's it. I'm kind of there. I've seen 2,000 pairs of boobs. Not a nipple more, not a nipple less. 2,500 boobs, bro. This actually, I never would have thought of this.

But now that we're doing this, I want to know the answer so bad. This might be my answer to my answer the internet answer if i could have one stat because imagine we get up to the pearly gates let's say we have our like our murder suicide pact like we like we are gonna do one day and we get up to the pearly gates me and you at the same time we're like all right the overrunner set at 2500 tell us the answer saint peter you know and he get like that moment of where he's like it'd be like in the dozen when you're like we both hold up the answer, St. Peter. And he'd get that moment of where he's like, it would be like in the dozen. We both hold up the answer. And one guy has like, my answer's like 210 and your answer's like

3,000. And he's like, the answer is 4,000. You're like, yeah! I knew it! I knew I was closer. And one clit. Now, flip this. I would imagine 99.9% of the dicks you see are the dicks you're interacting with. How many non-girls are not seeing many dicks?

2,500 dicks. Oh, yeah. Girls. Let me say this like girls. Better question. Have you seen more boobs or dicks? Boobs. But if you double the dicks.

How many balls? Have you seen more balls or boobs? We're talking equal? It would be very funny if they're equal and you don't have sex then. They're definitely close. I mean, I started showering with guys when I was probably 9, 10. Specify the ages. I started showering with my hockey teams when I was probably 10.

There's 15 guys on a team? 20. 20 guys on a team? Not everyone showers. So let's say 10 to 12 showers. Let's just call it 10 to make it easy. So 10 guys, 20 balls a shower. But for a year.

That's it. But it's mostly that. But hockey, I play probably like – Three leagues. Some years I play for three teams. Okay. So let's say 60 balls a year in hockey. Okay.

And that's until I was – so 60, 120, 180, 250. 210, 240. Just let's do the multiplication. How many years? 60 balls times. Until I was 14, I got to high school. So let's say I started when I was 8. So 8 to 14, that's 6 years of 60.

360 balls. And then high school you start. Also, there were joint showers. so 8 to 14 that's 6 years of 60 360 okay and then high school you start also they were joint showers sometimes like the other team would shower too

so double that double that but that's not it wasn't always so let's double it but half of that okay so we'll do

one let's say 180 so 360 plus 180 okay and then high school you start with their new sports. Football we shower together.

Hockey. So yeah, I think you're pushing over 1,000. I'd say about 1,000 dicks. 1,000 balls. About 500 dicks. In person. Yeah. But the only places you've seen...

The only places you've seen dicks and balls... So you're peeking every now and then at the urinal? Yeah, that's a rarity. But that's only... But you think about the amount of times you've peeked. It's probably another hundred. It's not even a peek. It's more like it invades my space.

But another hundred in your whole life? I just see a hand. Come on. Jesus Christ, his hand's still squeaky. I'm just trying to think of the other places you might see a rogue pair of balls in person. There's not many, right? That's rare. So guys are going to see way more dicks and balls than girls unless you are an absolute hoe.

Yeah. But if you're a regular girl hooking up with a regular amount of dudes, the dicks and balls you've seen are exclusively the ones that you've made come. Or they've been assaulted by. I don't mean a rape. I meant a flashing to be that clear.

I think that makes it a little more PG-13. Or rape. But also rape. You took a hard left on that one. Yeah, no. rape does fit. It fits the bill. But I meant just the flash. Imagine the girls are playing this game. They're like, well, I fucked this many guys in college.

I was raped by two. I had about 10 or 12 flashers. I've seen 100 balls. 90 consensual. 100 including the rapes god damn it oh we're including rapes?

oh my number just shot up you know what man imagine I've only seen 3 penises oh wow oh you're including rapes? 107 that's what my pussies is

like consensual seven non-consensual sex with like three people if you want like the sex i wanted to have, I think we've said, it's like three people. Bro, I'm going to do something. I don't want to set a precedent. I think the response that that voicemail garnered is a pirate water worthy. You're going to do double? I mean, that was really fucking funny. The voicemail itself is kind of like you wouldn't think anything of it, but leading to this rape thing, I think I'm going to go double. You always,

you got a little, it's like, it's like dropping a little paprika on the French fries. Whoa, this man is good. Yeah. Rape is the paprika of conversation.

You want to spice up your combo? Bam! Paprika rape. Paprika rape is in the building. Oh, I didn't know you could do this. You want to spice up your combo? Bam! Fabrico Rape. Fabrico Rape is in the building. I didn't know you could do this. That makes it fun. I think I'm going to make the executive call two best worst smells of the week. Glenn was right there for a potential third.

We could have had a clean sweep. Going forward, it will be one per week unless you come with the heat. How about this? Minimum one per week, but we do reserve the right for an all-star, a wild card. Yeah. An exemption. A wild card where I can throw it out there if it's that good because counting balls was very funny.

That was like some Silicon Valley type shit. Okay. Interview time. Oh, yeah, dude. Massive interview. Yeah. Probably one of our biggest unexpected, you know, just non-traditional but amazing interviews we got the producer of not only the fast and the furious series but like every action star massive blockbuster movie you maybe have ever seen

plus a few rom-coms plus a few classics like bro we got a guy on the show right now who was on set during the fucking safe scene like not only that, it sounded like he almost invented that scene and oversaw it and executed it. We've got a guy on the podcast who is responsible for $11 billion of movies. Of movie blockbuster. Box office. I think even you and I

don't even comprehend what a massive business this is. And he was the most intimidating guest I've ever had. Oh, for sure. Like, I remember being intimidated by Bill Burr. I remember being intimidated by... Bryan Cranston, I feel like you said.

But that was a respectful nervous, whereas Bill, I'm kind of like, oh my god, he's going to clown me. I don't want to say something wrong, whatever. But this guy was a no-nonsense, badass motherfucker. Yeah. And he was like happy to do it but he was kind of like what let's go come on yeah and uh there's a couple questions i asked that were like i was like nervous to ask and and i haven't asked the question that i was i wanted to ask and i just got so nervous i just didn't the second interview and i texted kevin i was like thank you for asking the final five minutes of the interview i do not know what he said because the whole time i was sitting there in my head going do it do it come on you can do it you can do it i was mustering up the courage to ask him this question it's paul walker related and it could have gone one way

or the other actually i will say if you listen when you hear it at the end i kind of pussy it and i like i like give an out in case i should have just said are you fucking doing it or not but the you pussy footed as you say whereas I was like oh fuck that's going to piss him off because as a fan of the franchise what I was worried about

happening you were almost thinking the opposite was going to happen so the way that I mitigated it you thought was going to make him mad it's an interesting dynamic at the end there. But just like a no-nonsense motherfucker who was just like, here's how it is. Here's how we do movies.

Here's how we make money. Fuck you. I would love to have Neil on. I don't... I think he had a good time. I don't think he's regularly doing podcasts. I don't think he's going to be like, I'm regularly doing podcasts. I'd like to neil on a lot because it look up neil i i'd like to

have like this in a clip or a graphic or something like that look up the fucking boot the resume neil morris has made you can scroll in there isn't a myth you say on the show and he starts right away it's like volcano i think first one 97 even earlier than that because one of his first movies was juice with tupac which is like a like a hip-hop classic like him and like pock was kind of like emerging as a acting star and then from there it's like boom volcano and like a summer blockbuster every year from there on out every movie neil moore's made is my favorite movie it really is it really is they're all just incredible. It's crazy. But it also really gives a lot of credibility to like – like what I was actually most concerned about in the interview was like – it kind of started out being like these movies are just fucking crazy, right? And it's kind of like no, no, no.

There's a science to it. There's an art to it. Yes, we kind of get crazy, but we don't get too crazy. Here are some of the things I don't like when we get crazy about it. Me and Neil, I say this to him, I say this in the interview. We'll stop saying things we say in the interview. But like he and I see the Fast franchise the same way. Like his things were – like I – again, I don't want to criticize –

it's not even a criticism, but it's just like an observation. Like I did think they went a little heavy on family in Fast 10. They said it a little too often. But I did think the space was a little ridiculous, because there is more about, it's almost like the unspoken. Don't say, it was about

family, right? You don't have to keep saying it's about family. The reason that became a joke is because it was, and not a joke is because it was on not not a joke like i i think he's like he i think he kind of thought like we were being funny like that's what i love these movies right i love these he has a little bit of a like a guard up to be like i know you guys did your counting like i i was doing like i think it's awesome i wasn't doing to make a joke of it like i i think it's awesome and. I think it's awesome that it's about family.

I also do think that they said it a little too many times in Fast 10. I forget one of them where the family was a little over the top. I counted the car accidents because I think it's fucking awesome. I wasn't counting it to be like, this is ridiculous. I think it's fucking sick. It's great. I have a good time doing it. I think he got that.

I think he also kind of came in like these guys are kind of joking. But I think he became – Are you laughing with me or laughing at me? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm – It's very good. He's the man. He's awesome.

Again, as I was saying – sorry. I hope to have him back again because there's – he's the fast producer, but he's the producer of a million other things. I'd love to talk to talking about all his stuff. We didn't have time. Just scrolling. I'm quickly scrolling through. I know what you did last summer.

Cruel Intentions. SWAT. Yeah. He's doing TV shows that he has on. But I didn't realize he was producing the TV show. I knew he did SWAT with Colin Farrell. I didn't realize he's doing it with the Shamar Moore, too. Truly unbelievable. It's Sonic. He's doing it with the Shamar Moore too. Yeah. But it's –

Truly unbelievable. It's – Sonic. He's doing Sonic. Yeah, Sonic. And also such a baller just did not even consider putting the camera on his face. Yeah. We talked to like the top of his head and like this right here the whole time.

It was – I was saying to Kevin where it was almost like in the office when Michael Scott's – only it's just a person who knows it where it's like this is how you can control the room looking up on like how to do a negotiation it's like neil is just like i know like i was trying to jump through the computer screen just to get in the frame of them yeah yeah like this is your fucking thing man like what is is not the we are not the host you are the host who's getting asked questions yeah for sure so if you ever liked any blockbuster movies also just if you ever like i until this moment didn't really know the difference between a producer and a director

and an executive producer and you know all that shit and he kind of clears it up and i always thought that they were the money guys which is like you come up with it i'll back it i'll pay for it and it's really more like you're up with it, I'll back it, I'll pay for it. And it's really more like you're the architect of the whole movie. So he deserves, like, all of the credit for these in a way.

So really interesting stuff. Neil Moritz on KFC Radio. Let's get to it. This all was birthed from John's love of the Fast series. Yes, I... Yes, and I watched...

I watched the car crash. I watched the car crash count i watched some of that other stuff they do i thought was uh was really cool i uh it had flashbacks created flashbacks for me and not the good kind but yeah it was uh it was good what's the bad kind it's just you know when i watched when i here you want to start it are we yeah okay okay when i watch these movies which is hard for me to watch what i see is okay there's the movie i know where i was standing while that was being filmed right and i know all the like mishigash and all the stuff that was going on at that particular time that everybody else doesn't see so that's what i kind

of flash on and think about do you ever enjoy any of the movies you worked on then because i would imagine every movie is yeah yeah i i i i do'd say, look, 90% of it is great. 10% of it is just fucked up because it's just, you know, we're dealing with a lot of people. A lot of egos. A lot of egos, but not only that, just the, you know, whether it's weather,

whether it's logistics, whether it's government regulations, whether it's studio wanting us to do something, whether it's government regulations, whether it's studio wanting us to do something, whether it's just anything, you know, that could be happening. I'm always, you know, I'm surprised that my neck can still work because I'm always looking down at my watch. You know, it's like, are we going to finish in time today? Are we going to be able to move on to the next location that we have to be out of this location of time we can't go back um you know sometimes i know i have a release date

coming up and i've got to get the movie finished so how's that gonna happen we see the hollywood car crash you remember the twisted metal yeah i look look i will say in fast five the the pulling of the safe out of the building and the chase through rio where we actually saw a shot of a lot of that in puerto rico um standing on the set of that though while we were doing that has got to been one of the greatest things that any producer could have actually get to see happen. Because this wasn't like VFX. This was real shit we were doing. And it was the craziest shit that I'd ever seen in all the movies I ever made.

Like what we actually did to the cars, to the streets, to the city. Like it was just, it was metal on metal, metal on concrete, metal on anything. I mean, it was crazy. John, we were talking about this the other day, right? I think the question was more, what is the most bombastic, unrealistic, crazy, fun part of the franchise? And we were talking about the cars going through the skyscrapers and the rock throwing torpedoes.

But I think that's got to be your answer if the producer himself says the safe in Rio. That's it. Well, I wouldn't say that that was the most kind of outlandish, most craziest thing. But what it was, was it was the most visceral thing that, you know, obviously we

didn't jump a car from a skyscraper to a skyscraper. But we actually on the ground built, you know, part of two buildings and actually did a jump. But we weren't, you know, 100 stories up in the air. So we did parts of that were real. And then we put it into the, you know, into the landscape of two skyscrapers. So a lot of that stuff is a combination of visual effects and real. And what we've always kind of prided ourselves on is trying to do this stuff as real as possible.

Now, obviously, because of safety and just a lot of other reasons, we can't do some of this stuff. But when I tell you what, I was standing there on the streets of Puerto Rico and watching that happen, I was like, on the streets of Puerto Rico and watching that happen like I was like oh my god I can't believe I'm actually getting to do this it was it was it was incredible I mean honestly the best part of getting to make whether it's all the Fast and Furious or the Jump Streets or the Sonics or the I Am Legends or just whoever um uh is the fact that i've really got to see the world you know um whether it's during the making of the world or the publicizing of the uh making of the

movies or the publicizing of the movies you know that to me is is my favorite part of the whole thing is like i've been everywhere and met people you know from everywhere and that to me has been the the the benefit of getting to do these movies i i appreciate that you stopped after listing only four of the mega movies and franchises you've done because we i think we you've been gracious enough to give us a half hour of your time we could do a whole half hour just listing everything amazing you've ever done it's it's crazy your your resume is the the total is the total uh grossing of your movie is is 11 billion dollars it's like dozens and dozens of movies you just in what you listed alone, which was a fraction. I mean, I'm speechless because I'm like,

I don't even understand. How does something like this come about? Like your first movie was the first movie, Juice, that you produced? It wasn't the first, but it was very, very early on. I had done a couple movies for HBO. It's funny you should say that because my son, who goes to Northwestern, and his girlfriend, who goes to northwestern and his girlfriend who goes to northwestern she's actually from new york they found out that tonight at the hammer museum which

is just down the street from us in la they're actually doing an outside showing of the movie juice and he's he's you know he's 21 he's never seen the movie juice or not but you know he can't believe he and my daughter can't believe that i actually knew tupac and i was like yeah i kind of discussed kind of discovered him and mentored him and actually was a fight with him was at the fight with him that night where he was killed so like you know i have a long history with that um so yeah that was one of the first movies i i did and i i uh have always just tried to make movies about subcultures going into worlds that just intrigued me that maybe I didn't know. Maybe I knew a little bit about like street racing.

I know a little bit about, but I didn't know a lot about. But it was just a world, whether it's hip hop in Harlem, whether it's underground street racing, whether it's about being a police officer, whether, you know, I just, I like things where I get to enter into worlds that I know, you know, that intrigue me. I'm curious. And that's, so that's kind of has led me to a lot of the movies that I've done and TV shows. Were you the one I read, I think it was before fast nine came out. I think entertainment did an oral history with a lot of the cast.

That's where I learned that this was all born of... I believe it was an article in Vibe magazine. Yes, it was. Is that where... I was making a movie at Universal with Paul Walker called Skulls, which was about

the secret societies at these Ivy league schools. And Josh Jackson, Josh Jackson and Rob Cohen, who directed who I did the HBO movie called the rat pack about the rat pack that we were nominated for. Um, and I, this article was given to me and I thought it was really interesting. And I knew Rob had, uh, uh, that Paul had a love for cars, as did I. And that's how it kind of all started. And then when we were trying to cast the role of Dominic Tretta, the studio really wanted Timothy Oliphant, who they said, if you get Timothy Oliphant, we'll greenlight the movie.

And we went to Timothy Oliphant and he said no. Couldn't believe he actually said no. But and then I came up with the idea. I'd seen a Vins movie that he had done for Sundance Strays. And I said, we've got to go get this guy. And I had this kind of infamous meeting between me and him at this kind of Hollywood hotspot called Kate Manolini's. The restaurant's no longer there. I went there to meet him, thinking that I was kind of, you know, meeting him to decide if he was the right guy.

Little did I know that he was really interviewing me. You know, it was that kind of scenario. So that's, that's where it all really started. Did you know how, how quickly did you know? Because in that oral history, which I'll probably reference a few times here, but there was a cool story. I remember, I think vin telling where him and paul walker went down to the movie had been pushed because you guys wanted to make it the summer blockbuster i think it was supposed to be a march release and then you guys yeah we

didn't want we didn't necessarily think it was going to be a blockbuster we wanted to release it in the summer because we thought you know it felt like a summer movie that it could kind of break through because it was different. That's how that happened. We didn't know until, okay, we did a test screening at this theater where I used to do all the time called the Winnetka Theater out in Thousand Oaks. We screened the movie for the first time and people went nuts. When we really knew we thought we had a hit was after the screening we went out into the parking lot and there were all their kids in

their cars doing you know donuts and circles and racing and i was like oh my god we might have something special here and that was really the first inkling that the movie was going to work i never thought we'd be doing 10 movies later at that particular point, but I did feel like we had something that could break through. It was, I remember coming home. My dad picked me up from the, me and my friends, we were probably 12, 13 when the first fast came out. And so my dad picked me up, me and my friends at the theater. And we were just in the car talking about how awesome it is and how great it was.

And like, you could almost sense my dad get jealous and drove so fast the whole way home. And then we get this hill and fall over seven Hills, uh, got president of, and he was driving up fast, like trying to get air on the things.

And I, I was, I loved the movie and even i was like oh this is a bigger thing than just me enjoying this movie like this is inspiring a dad to show his kids that he's cool i think it was a con i think that was a common thing that happened like you know the amount of stories and things that we've lived i mean look i i had made movies before um a lot of movies before and i've been made a bunch of movies after but i think kind of forever like you know i'm going to be linked to the fast and furious as kind of a defining thing for me i mean it's been 22 years of my life

i didn't have my didn't have either of my kids when we first started i wasn't very much so so i've kind of been able to which each movie marks some personal milestone as well, which has been kind of a really interesting thing for myself. I remember in that, Vin was telling me a story about how, I guess him and Paul had been sent to Mexico, I want to say, to promote it. Yeah, I was there.

You were there? Yeah, I think it was MTV Spring Break, something there yeah i think it was uh mtv spring break something or another and that was in that day like if you could get mt on mtv to promote your movie that was the biggest thing like today it doesn't mean anything but then like if you were on trl or spring break like that was how you got to everybody so i remember we flew down there and like we were on this plane that like, I thought we all thought it was going to crash for sure. I mean, it was crazy.

Being said that they were, they were in the airport afterwards and Paul was like sitting on the floor, charging his phone or whatever. And he said, he looked over at Paul and was like, people were like stepping over them and was like, appreciate this anonymity right now. Cause once this movie drops,

it's gone to know that right away is insane to me. And like, to just be able to like, it's like, I guess like when you hit a baseball and you're like, Oh, that was a sweet spot. Like once this movie was made,

he was like, we got it. Yeah. Do you know that it's going to happen? I mean, I know you said so like you, you knew you felt something, but like,

no, I knew we had some, I knew we had something that was resonating i knew we had something that was going to do business um i had no idea by any means that this could make 10 movies let alone the sequel like we just didn't know what we what we had we knew we had something fresh and cool but like you know think you think about it the first movie was a very domestic based movie which means most of our box office was came out of the united states okay and as the movies have gotten uh as we've made more of them it switched to where now most of our box office comes from everywhere outside the United States, which is a very unprecedented thing for a franchise to go that way.

So, no, we didn't know. We didn't know. We knew we had something, but we didn't know we had this. Okay, so when did you know then, like, two things that I think are very, a lot of movie viewers kind of relate it to the Fast series. When did you know that it was like, we're just going to keep going?

Like, I feel like that, what, the first couple of sequels, we didn't have the full cast and then people kind of came back. So like when it was the return, was it sort of like, all right, we're going to go five, six, seven, eight. Like we're going to-

Well, I think the key was when we got when we convinced vin to come back at number three and do the the tag and end credits at the end of the movie that it was able to be like launch it that was that helped launch it again then five right there like how do you lose him and then bring him back was that like uh well what happened what happened was what happened was in uh for number two there was a little bit of uh you know a disagreement between what the studio wanted to pay him or what he wanted to get and also myself and vin and rob the director of fast and furious one had already committed to go do triple x okay so we went to do triple x and the studio wanted to keep going up fast so i was doing both movies kind of a similar times which put me in a little bit of

an awkward situation but was fine and then after two there's you know which did better than one but they're like how are we going to keep going we came up with this idea to kind of go a little smaller and do tokyo drift and then when we when we finished Tokyo drift and we screened it, we were like, the movie's great, but man, if somehow we could tie it into the mothership kind of, and that was a way to kind of continue it in, into another direction that by getting Vin to do that, that allowed us to keep going and get bigger.

And then when we did five, we went from a little car racing movie to kind of a big international heist action movie by bringing the rock in and then the unfortunate passing of paul walker made seven the biggest so it was it was always kind of jigging and zagging yeah was there and the other thing i think that people associate with the franchise is that you guys don't take yourselves too seriously like we know what these movies are about we know that you know it seems that people can come back from the dead it sounds like we're going to eventually go to space and land on another planet all that sort of stuff where i think in the past movie maybe producers and directors are like ah we

can't do that it seems like you guys are like i mean mean, look, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we have our kind of fast and furious role rules that we try to abide by that. You know, unfortunately we've probably broken a couple of times. Give me the number one rule. The space thing was really breaking the rules for me. Okay. But yeah, that was, that was, that, that went too far for me. Okay. Um, um, but yeah, that was, that was, that, that went too far for me, but

there's a number of extenuating circumstances in this town that happened. But, um, uh, but it's, I can't tell you, like, there's a written page of rules, but I can tell you that in the amount of meetings that I've sat in where I've been the guy to say, that's not fast and furious, that's not fast and furious. People get tired of me saying that. Really? There's actually crazier shit that you think is too far-fetched? Yeah, I do. And obviously it's a movie about family, and that's really the heart of it all. I know you've done scorecards of how many times

we've said the word family, which, you know, I wish we probably wouldn't say it as much as well. But, but I think that's what like, that's all that stuff is good, Neil. Like, that's what I agree. I what what I'm saying, though, is, is that I love all that stuff. And and that's that's the stuff that kind of binds every thing together and i think that the truth be told is is that i think the reasons that this series has worked so well is one everybody could relate to um getting their first car and the independence that it's given people and you know when you get your first car and to everybody no matter if you have real family

or you've created family i think that is a very very important common thing that people want in their lives and and you know also we're probably the first movie or one of the first movies that that the cast embraced everybody embraced you know no matter what ethnicity you were what the color of your skin we didn't care and honestly it wasn't like oh we're gonna hire an african-american we're gonna hire an asian-american we're gonna it was no we went to these underground racing events worlds and we saw who was there and we were just mirroring that in what real life was it would have been fake if we weren't doing that and i what bothers me is a lot of these movies or tv shows where they just throw somebody in from every ethnicity you know

because they think that's going to drop people in but in reality if it's not what what's real i don't think it works right i i agree with that and i you know it's actually interesting to hear you say what you say when you speak up in meetings that's not fast i agree with you on everything and i feel like that's not the um stereotype i guess you'd say about what like how a hollywood producer is i feel like in my head they're the one always escalating things and to hear you you say you have, from what I'm gathering right now, a very strong grasp on what the fast voice is.

It wasn't a major thing for me, but I also was like, hmm, I don't know if I'd have gone to space. It was cool that... It was fun. It wasn't a bad thing. Here's the thing. We attempted something that could have been amazing in hindsight maybe we shouldn't have done it is all i'm saying um uh but you know you don't if

you don't risk things sometimes you don't you know you don't get rewards so so i i i'm i'm i'm glad we did it but maybe went too far there so you can you could probably say that I feel like space was kind of an internet thing and I feel like you could say in your opinion there will be no dinosaurs. That's the other thing they say. Not as long

as I'm around. No. I mean, maybe if we were doing a spoof then sure. As long as I'm around. No. No. I mean, maybe if we were doing a spoof, then sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mentioned getting Vin back. What was the process like for getting The Rock back? Because obviously, no spoilers, but pretty big end tag in Fast 10. By the way, sorry to interrupt uh myself um the

did you use a body double for for for duane in the before he takes off his mask i felt like he was too skinny when when the the end tag starts i'm like that can't be the rock he's too skinny no comment but was that was that a pretty simple process to get everyone back together or was that no no no i mean i mean here's the thing is nothing is in making movies to making movies today nothing is simple and that i don't mean just fast and furious i'm talking about in general making movies is very complicated a lot of variables a lot of different people involved a lot of egos a lot of everything and my job as the producer is tried to push the ball up the hill all the time and everybody else is pushing it all down there i look at each movie

as my client and all i'm trying to do is do what's best for each particular movie without looking at any other thing except for what is best for that particular movie and that's the way i operate i has always heard the story about uh it was like contractually written that if the rock gets punched then vin diesel has to punch him back if i go through a table you've got to go through a table is that stuff true no it's that that's that stuff is just fabricated stuff that people put out there i was gonna say they're they're both perfect they're both professionals and you know no i i think that's taken it too far I read that article

I think it was the Washington Post who did that article and it was like you know someone goes through a wall the other person goes through a wall and then in my times watching that was the article a few years ago in my times watching the movies since then I've paid attention to that and I'm like that just doesn't even happen

that's not what I... Here's the thing. We try and make really good, entertaining fights. For me, good, entertaining fights is a lot of back and forth. One guy is winning, one guy is losing, one other guy is winning. That, to me, is what makes it

interesting. We're just trying to satisfy the audience ultimately. That's, to me what dictates everything is what the audience wants. So just going back in general to what you were describing as a producer, because I think it's a little bit confusing for an average movie viewer.

I'll tell you what a producer does. I always equate it to something that most average film moviegoers can understand is, okay, it's like being a building developer. Okay, I find a piece of land. Okay, I find a script, an idea, a book, a play. Okay, the building developer finds the land, I find an idea in whatever form that is. Okay. They hire a contractor, a builder to build that building. I hire a director and they hire construction workers. I hire my crew and cast. And then we, they build the building, we build the movie. And then, and then they either sell the building or lease the building. We sell movie and sell tickets it's a very similar job so for me you typically i'm the first person on the movie and the last person off the movie like we are there from beginning to end we we start with nothing we climb a huge hill we finish

we sell tickets and then we start again at the bottom of the hill and there's so it's so it's a so it's a very daunting process to think that you work on something for years and you scale a huge mountain and now you gotta start again at least with sequels at least with sequels to the movie you're a few floors up starting right you're not starting from you're not starting from scratch how do you do so many goddamn good movies like i mean it almost feels like you're a name that should be known by every american in every household like the movies you've done are so so good and so many of them yet i feel like you're still so behind the scenes you know i feel like you should be uh you know and i'm sure the within the honestly you're like we'll be royalty i like to

i like i like to stay anonymous i like to do my thing i like i like i like to do my thing i feel like i've got great relationships with the filmmakers that i've worked with with the studios that i worked with they all know know me and they know what I do. I kind of like to let the work and the box office speak for itself. The thing that speaks for itself. And, um, you know, I would never want to be famous. Like it's just not my thing. But beyond the fame thing, like you don't even have a miss. You don't even have a flop.

Oh, I have, I, I, I have a flop like oh i have i i i i i have plenty i have plenty of them by your standards but jesus but i but i will say but i will say is okay i would rather not make a movie than have a miss okay Because when that movie comes out and it doesn't work, it's so painful. It's a painful experience when, you know, you spent all this time and all this money and you, you know, and your investors have put up all this money and, you know, the movie comes out and it just drops dead and you lose them a bunch of money and so on. Now, the good news is, um,

is luckily in terms of like, if I was in the major league baseball, I'd be in the hall of fame because you know, my batting average would be way better than, than that. So I'd be like 900 deals. Teddy ball games 406 wouldn't be that impressive anymore. Right. So, so I feel like I've got a, you know, a good track record in that way, but,

but I've definitely had misses and those definitely hurt. So I will say that anytime that I've made a movie, probably because the financial deal was so good. I think that those are the ones that really haven't worked. And ultimately I did those movies for the wrong reasons. So, you know, I've learned my lesson in that way and i won't do that anymore were you you mentioned to start um gum street were you on

the infamous email from channing tatum the uh i believe he i thought he sent it to the producers i think it came out oh and it was uh i think jonah hill talks about it where it was just a bunch of ha ha ha suck my dick after the after like the opening weekend of the box office yeah i remember that email i don't remember the exact words and i i probably should i probably should find it yeah um but but i but yes i do remember that and it was honestly it was a very exciting time for all of us. Like, you know, here's the thing was when we announced that we were making Jump Street, there was a huge amount of cynicism. Oh, they're rebooting another stupid TV show.

Well, isn't Hollywood fresh? We have any fresh ideas, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, it was all negative. And I just made, I made the decision at that point in time that we weren't going to do any publicity we weren't going to show anything to the public there was nothing going to come out until we had a piece of material trailer that just once people saw it it was game over people were never going to be cynical again and that's what we did i remember the first trailer came out people were like oh my god this

is so fucking funny this combination of these two guys is amazing and that turned the talk that turned the tide it's not that dissimilar like you know i had a reverse experience when we did the first sonic the hedgehog and our first trailer came out and we had maybe the most the most of views that paramount has ever had for a trailer was for that Sonic trailer. The problem was everybody who saw it thought it sucked. And I was like, that was one of those terrible moments where I tried to like, you know, turn lemon to lemonade.

And I had this big meeting with the Paramount and Sega executives and said, look, here's the good news. The good news is nobody's ever had so much interest in anything. The bad news is that people hate what they see. So if we can turn that around, then I think we can do it. And so we came up with a plan, which was we're going to have to delay the release of the movie. We're going to have to spend a bunch of time and money

to bring the character of Sonic back to the way that people wanted it to be. And luckily once we did that and released that new trailer, everybody felt heard and really embraced the movie. And that was like a first in Hollywood where we had actually listened to the fans and, you know, kind of turned it around. And then, you know, obviously the movie works and we, we made number two, and now we're about to go start number three, which I'm very excited about. Was that your call specifically? You made that decision?

Yes, I did. I made that call. That's a ballsy call because as much as it seems common sense, let's listen to the fans and do what they want and everyone will be happy. There's a fine line because a lot of times

people are stupid and they're not movie makers and they don't know what it takes honestly i felt terrible because the chairman of the board of paramount pictures at the time was somebody who was the guy who brought me in the guy who trusted me and gave me all this money to make this movie and same with the sega people and i kind of felt like I had really let them down. And I was just like, you know, but but but we quickly came up with a plan that was going to we felt work. You know, the problem is, is that, you know, we had lost a little bit of credibility, because we told them the other thing was going to work. it was really you know there was a lot riding on that decision and you know thank god when we redid the trailer um and we redid all the stuff of sonic character and released the next trailer people embraced it which was

a very very fulfilling thing that was one where i i almost have my vin diesel called the show we've had ben on the show many a time. And I remember after I saw the first Sonic, Ben was coming on the show. And I think I told him on the show, I was like, dude, I'm not even much of a video game guy. I don't see too much largely animated stuff. And I was like, dude, I saw this. I love this.

This is going to be a massive franchise. And he, you know, he's on his story. He's like, you know, I hope so, kind of deal. The hard thing is before that, there really had been no video game that had been turned into a movie that was, one, creatively successful

or two, financially successful. And we were lucky enough that on both those fronts, we were able to live up to what we needed to do. And I can't believe that i'm going to make number three right now but i'm i'm actually incredibly excited about going to make it i mean that that alone right there would be like a hallmark career and that's just a fraction of what you've done it's it's absolutely crazy is that a little bit of opening

pandora's box though like is that something now that you're gonna like if you put out a trailer for another movie and it gets panned do you change it do you you listen to the to social media do you listen to these because what you said about uh i listen to i listen to worlds have a lot of fans who you know have a lot of opinions and if you cater to them all the time it might get dicey i mean here's the thing is i listen to everything and I look at everything and read everything and see every movie. And I but ultimately, when it comes down to it, I do everything based on my gut instinct. So I kind of try and take it all in and then go from there. And my gut instinct was telling me that, you know,

we could, we could make a right on that other situation. And I can't tell you that I've, my gut has been correct every time, but it's my best, it's my best barometer by far. When I overthink things too much and I don't end up really making the greatest decisions versus like whatever my gut kind of tells me,

I really do try and go the best gut in the world like the best gut in the history of humans I mean your track record is just that crazy you know it's wild it's been fun it's been a lot of fun and you know I like doing the TV

stuff we're doing as well so that's fun I feel like the boys has been as a hit as any blockbuster movie boys has been incredible and that was one of those things where we we started off we were going to make it as a feature we ultimately thought it'd be better as tv nobody really wanted to make it we convinced amazon to make it and then it's probably their biggest show and now we're off we just finished shooting i mean uh the sequel and the spinoff called Gen V which will be out later this year which is incredible.

I love it. Are there streaming platforms passed on it? I mean, honestly, nobody wanted an original end. But, you know, can't blame them. It was pretty weird.

It was pretty weird. Obviously, there had been a lot of superhero stuff in the market, but I thought we were able to differentiate our, you know, I think the boys is very different than any other superhero stuff. And I'm just really glad that we got to make it. And it's, it seems such by such a wide audience. I mean, so many people come up to me about that, you know, but I, I love making SWAT. SWAT?

We're making a lot of other TV stuff right now, which is exciting. It's incredible. We're already over our time. I feel like I could talk to you for three hours. I guess I want to just thank you for your time. We'd love to have you back on

whenever you have another half hour. I imagine you're very scheduled. We just got a text. We're at three. But, I mean, thank you so much. It's been. All right. Well, thanks for taking the time.

And I appreciate your fervor and enthusiasm of Fast and Furious. Do my numbers sound accurate to you? Which one? About the amount of cars? Yeah, I think it was about 96 per movie. You know what? I'm sure there's some that have been a lot more and some that

have been less. I know that our car budgets are huge, so I'm sure you're right. Fate did a lot of the heavy lifting there because of the when Cypher kind of takes control of all the cars in New York City, that one had about I think 250 or 300 in that

one. But the it was The safe in Rio must have had a lot of them too. But to be fair to that, a lot more destruction of property than you'd think. There's a ton of destruction of property

but the cars that you... I was only counting cars I'd see. Like at the end of 7, when the... Wait, is it 7 or is it 8? I forget. When there's the fight on the rooftop and

Vin and Jason Statham are going at it, parking garage collapse. I didn't pretend how many cars were in there. That was only the five of them. It was only visible cars, but 96.3, I believe, was the number.

We'll try and break that the next one. We'll try and bring up that average on the next one. Before we go, I got one more question. Sure. With the rise of artificial intelligence, is that something you plan on using? I know some fans have talked about trying to do something with Paul Walker. I feel like that would probably border on maybe insensitive or inappropriate.

But in general, is that something you plan on implementing? I mean, I think in the right application where it supplements things or makes things better. But, you know, from starting from scratch, it doesn't really interest me. I think that, you know, human emotion can be seen through human actors. And that's what I'm interested in, connecting to an audience. You got the best gut in the business. I think. Okay. Thanks a lot, guys. Have a good one. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.