KFC Radio - Feits Spent a Wild 30 Hours in Liverpool Ft. Iliza Shlesinger

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

- Feits returns from his trip to London for a weekend - Dr*gging is lame / Robotripping - Baseball is broken - What Tom Brady has done is less probable than witchcraft - Dave Portnoy is salty that he wasn't invited to Robert Krafts wedding - Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez took a picture together and the internet went crazy - BTS is joining the army - come to our live show tomorrow - Iliza Shlesinger interview on being a new mother, her new book, Dominos Pizza isn't really pizza, and much more ++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Feit's trip to Liverpool 52:41 - dr*gging is lame 01:10:39 - Baseball is broken 01:19:51 - Tom Brady might be under a spell 01:26:03 - Dave Portnoy is salty about Robert Kraft's wedding 01:29:43 - Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez took a pic together 01:33:33 - BTS joins the army 01:38:40 - Come to our live show 01:53:11 - Video Voicemails 02:14:11 - Iliza Shlesinger Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++ Mugsy: Go to https://barstool.link/Mugsy and use code KFC for 10% off your order Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). MVMT: Join the MVMT and get 15% off at https://barstool.link/MvmtKFC Ridge Wallet: Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use the code KFC for 10% off your order Helix Sleep: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows at https://barstool.link/HelixKFCYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yeah, you're not in the army, bro. These are the guys who did Bye Bye Bye. Turn down the fucking Iron Maiden for a second and respect greatness. tomorrow night caroline's on broadway it's kfc radio live in in Manhattan. It's our only New York City show this year. Tomorrow night live. KFC Radio on stage at Caroline's on Broadway. It's our only New York City show this year

for 2022. So come out and we're going to have ourselves a time. We got a costume contest. $1,000 to the best costume. We're giving away a golden ticket where you can get free KFC Radio tickets for life. We're going to take some pictures, drink some beers, tell some stories. It's live on stage at Caroline's.

Get your tickets right now for Wednesday night, October 18th. It took me so long to figure out what you were talking about. Like when you're like your final show for the year. I didn't even have a clue what month it was. I was like, we might do another one. Who knows? Probably not, right? I don't think we'll do another one, right?

No, this year, no. Dude, I thought it was March. Let me give you a clean one again. I'll shorten it up. Tomorrow night, KFC Radio Live on stage at Caroline's on Broadway. It's our only New York City show this year. So come on out if you're a local chicken head. We're going to have costume contests.

We're going to be giving away free tickets. We're going to take pictures. We're going to have some drinks. Tell some stories. Get your tickets now. Wednesday night. Caroline's on Broadway. Who's ready to podcast? Who's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? You look better and seem better than I thought you were going to be. I actually feel like I'm letting everyone down.

I feel pretty good. I'm so low right now. I said I feel bad. What's wrong with you? What do you mean? How are you good? What's wrong with you? You're like Wolverine. I have not slept in three, but I feel fine. You're not human, bro.

You're not human. I feel a million times better than I felt last week. Last week, yeah. Have you been drinking? No, not really. Okay, well, there's the difference. You haven't been poisoning yourself. Well, I mean, like, I drank London Dry on Saturday.

Yeah. But the... But so that's, I mean, you know, last weekend you... I mean, it was a four-day bender last time. But if you drink heavy on a Saturday, usually by Monday you're still hurting at this age. And you're fine right now. Yeah, very fine. I mean, I drank Sunday, but Sunday was...

First of all, it's like one of those trips you want to remember. I don't want to go to the game and be like, I don't even remember what happened at the game. You want to go to that fucking game, you're like, I want to remember this game. But I just told Nick this, and I'm sure there are people listening who knew it. I did not know. You can't really drink at those games. Like, legally not allowed to. Oh, really?

Yeah, you can't drink within view of the pitch. So what happens. So you drink like in the concourse area kind of? But only at halftime and pregame. So people just get loaded. I think that's why they're hoping to change the law. No, they should keep that. It would be a problem.

All that rowdiness is sober? Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm sure they would drink before the game. But it's not continued drunk? That's crazy. I guess we can start from the beginning somewhere, but we're just dumb people. Like, it is, you know, like we talk about on the, on like the. The whole thing was dumb, yeah.

The whole thing was dumb. But you know what you talk about on a trip where like you need the planner. Yes. And when the two of us are on a vacation, we don't have the planner. Right. So. It's also like you, when you're the non-planner, so you're like the wild, you're the wild card and you have a planner and that that kind of evens out.

Right. And then if you have the wild card and the wild card, not only does it not even out, it exponentially. Two wild cards is actually like four wild cards. Yeah, it's too much. So we got there. So we left Friday night, landed like 8 a.m. Saturday morning or whatever. Just got in a cab, and we're like, like Yo can you take us to a hotel in London And he was like which one

We're like we don't know It doesn't matter Any hotel Like what do you recommend And we actually had to set up Like a really nice hotel I don't know how nice it was But like it was a sick hotel

It was very cool Yeah Then we got just Just obliterated Like drank way way way way Too much on Saturday Yeah So but that ended up working out

very much in our favor because passed out early woke up early that i know i'm the dumbest person alive i don't fucking care staying up late is so stupid no no i don't get time zones like when i woke up the padres was so long and i was like i was like when did the padres game happen and like it's it's still we mean it's still happening like well well i i couldn't two things that the time zones and like i thought you left on like thursday or something so that was like a one night trip that somehow spanned five days yeah like i was like wait i thought he's there and then when you were there i was like Oh Who won the game And then I wake up And I see like

You're just going to the game I was like The game hasn't happened yet It felt like a time It was like a black hole We started talking about it On Wednesday But then like

We were always leaving Friday Right That's what fucked me up I feel like it was like Yeah Friday But then also It was a Sunday game Not a Saturday game right

Right So I thought you were Going to get there And go right to the game And it was like No I have to travel To another city And the game's on Sunday, and it was like, you've been there for, it felt like a week, even though it was like two days.

When I tell you I woke up on Sunday morning, and one, learned a Padres game was still going on, and two, guess how far away Liverpool is from London? We did not Google it before we went. I mean, it's a country Yeah but I thought it was like the size of fucking Maine Well so did I But like you can go like A state can be a couple hours long

Right? England's like the size of a state I think I would say it's probably the size of New England I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about How big is England? Just Google literally that How big is England? And see literally that. How big is England? And see what the answers are.

Pretty big. Yeah. I hope it's like, you know. I hope the answer is like, you dumb American. How big is England? 94,000 miles? Square miles. Yeah, that is bullshit.

Yeah, square miles. Real quick. Square miles is the biggest bullshit in the world. It's just like, why are we multiplying both sides just like the fucking the like the just one set of the miles is fine 94 so yeah that looks like why would they choose that in the middle of the country to be the fucking like barometer because if that is i think you're right it feels like new england arkansas to i can't google this google how big is new england because i bet you that that's about the size of new england just

turn it sideways and put it up in 71. So it's like New England and a quarter. Yeah. 1.25 New Englands. So yeah, if you go from New York to the tip of Maine, that can be like six hours. Okay. Yeah. It was four and a half.

Four and a half. So the only reason- So your flight was like six hours and Then you traveled another four and a half Flight's eight Flight's eight? Flight's eight Oh I'm thinking of LA Yeah flight's eight

Then you did another four and a half So we did We did London So we were like Cause we were like We're always gonna do London Saturday night And Did you go to the strip club?

No No no no No Just drank all of the alcohol Yeah But then luckily Passed out out early because we were like – I mean like we got to the hotel at like 8 a.m. and we were like, can we get a room please?

And they were like, at 3. Yeah, I was going to say, you can check in at 8. Okay. We'll go drink till 3 then. My good man, I will be back here in about six hours. Hammer. And then we checked in, showered, went back out. I would have almost said to them, listen, I know your rules.

It's better to do it now. Because I will be back here, and it will be a lot harder to do it in that state than it is right now. You're going to want to check me in right now at least. Here's my info. You're going to want to come back. You're going to want to do all the pertinent information. Right now. You're going to want to do that one right now. And so,

but because we fell asleep so early, like we probably fell asleep like eight o'clock, something like that. We woke up crazy early. But again, like that is the only reason we had enough time

to get to the game. Right. If we had gone out like regularly, we don't make the game. We don't make the game. Imagine you went over there and just didn't go. So we fucking... Wait, game imagine you went over there and just didn't go so we fucking wait how'd you how'd you get there oh kevin kevin on a goddamn train from my

motherfucking nightmare oh i almost i almost like texted you updates throughout the weekend i was like fuck it i'm just gonna go and i like i'll update him with shit when i get there yeah when i get home and um bro so we get on this train. It's a two-hour train because we're booking so late at this point in the day. Like, all the high-speed trains are sold out. Sure. The direct trains are sold out. So what we end up having to do is you take a two-hour and, again, mind you, violently hungover.

Like, violently hungover right now. Yeah. And the train was a two-hour train to Birmingham. I'm picturing like a locomotive where you're like shoveling coal. And it's like chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga. Because all like the bullet trains were sold out like three years ago. It was. So two hours in Birmingham.

You have to get off at Birmingham, change train stations, go to a 10-minute walk to a new train station. That might be the worst part of the day, a 10-minute walk. And then, oh, no, no. And then another two-hour train from Birmingham to Liverpool. But, bro, so we get on the train. I thought you were going to Manchester, not Liverpool. No, they played Man City, but the game was at Liverpool.

Okay, okay. We get on the train. The tickets, by the way, not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, not crazy expensive, but like $300. It's a pretty expensive train. The tickets, by the way, not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. Like, I mean, not crazy expensive, but like 300 bucks, right? It's a pretty expensive train. Yeah, yeah. You don't get seats.

Tell me no seats. Yes. So we are, we get on the train, dude, and like, we are... That is so fucking terrible. We are packed ass to dick. Like, really really really packed

Like a subway but instead of going one stop You're going two hours Exactly like a subway during rush hour And you're hungover Kevin I looked at my friend like Four minutes in and I was like I'm not going to make this

I don't know what to do I don't think I could do that I think I would i think i would get off at like the second stop and be like you go to the game i'm going to start my trek back to america like that's i can't you can't be hung over in that situation for like bro bro hours like i'm like my head is like bumping into people like while like we're because i don't and then what happens is people start just sitting down on the floor yeah but then so they're taking me out of the knees when we hit like a roll. You got a broken nose and a torn ACL. Eventually, we moved over to the aisle.

You got chop-locked, basically. Eventually, we moved over to the aisle. I also forgot that other countries don't believe in air conditioning. Bro, I'm getting uncomfortable. I'm sitting there, squeezed like this, shaking, and then I'm fucking... There's no way...

Literally, looking around, there's just no fucking air conditioning. This is making me very uncomfortable. No things to turn. There's just no air. There's just stale air. And I was like, I have to do this for two more hours. I don't think I can do it.

When that happens, I think about people who are trying to cross the border and they smuggle into something. And we had to sit in a fucking holding container for 12 hours. And they just did it because they needed to. I'm like, I could never. I would just be like, send me back to my shitty country. I don't care. I'm just not doing that. I'll just go get executed.

Thank you very much. Yeah, we're good. Yeah, give me death. I mean, were you puking? I feel like I wouldn't be able to. No, luckily I'm not a puker because if I was a puker, I probably would have puked. I mean, first of all, I'm clearly a puker, but I'm not a hungover puker. I don't really puke from booze.

Like if somebody on that train just said something like, hey, you know. You want some gefilte fish? Yeah. You know little kids just let their nose run right into their mouth. They just eat. They just eat all their snot. train just said something like hey you know like you want to eat a felt-a-fish which which you know little kids just let their nose run right into their mouth they just eat they just eat all their snot yeah dude the it actually at one point i did start getting nauseous because one of the dudes in that picture they i don't know if it's a bag still there but they had burger king and yeah you can kind of see it and so like there were multiple people on the train around me

eating eggs but I'm not a guy for eggs also they're like Burger King's like weird like those fast foods weird and outside of America honestly everything was so weird the water was so fucking bad like it was the only way I could describe it and I was thinking about it a lot because I didn't eat like the whole time because it time. Granted, we weren't exactly sitting down at fucking beautiful restaurants. Sure, but all the more reason. That's the stuff I think should be different because you're eating the cuisine of another country.

I remember going to the Caribbean. I don't know if the British really have cuisine. I got to give the British credit for this. They're the only people who give beans the proper respect. Or yes, the United Kingdom. Beans are fucking delicious, dude. I had a big bowl of beans for breakfast and that was it. I was going to say they are good, but they're not meant to be a whole meal.

They're meant to be a side, except for John who had a bucket of beans. They usually have it as a side, but that was Sunday morning when I was so hungover I couldn't eat food. When people complain about America, I'm like, yeah, we got some problems. But also, if I go to McDonald's and I get their fries and their burger, I'm getting a McDonald's fries and burger. You get that overseas, and we're

talking even just in England, where it's basically America, but just over here, and it's like the meat's weird and the potatoes taste funny. What the fuck is going on? When I finally got to Anfield, I got a hot dog because I get it. Oh, no. Hot dogs are the worst. Hot dogs are the worst.

That almost made me... I got that and I ended up having to spit out and like... It's like... I don't know why our ground-up pig guts are better than your ground-up pig guts. Yeah, you didn't even really put together. I was just like... We do it right. They do it wrong.

They do it so wrong. It was so bad. I feel like it's not even just a different. I feel like if you came over from the UK and had a hot dog here, you'd be like, this is much better than ours. Yeah. Not just different. Dude, it was literally great.

It was actually great. Yes. I remember this vividly because I thought a hot dog is a go-to. Yeah. You can't go wrong with that. Because I'm not going to eat, you know, I was a young kid at the time. I'm not going to eat the beans. I'm not going to eat the bangers and mash and whatever.

I can get a hot dog. No, no, no, no. That's the worst thing you can get. Could not get a hot dog. Again, that's exactly what I thought. I was like, this will be easy. Like, get a beer, get a hot dog, we'll be good to go. And it was like, I got halfway through the dog and was like, I kept being like,

all right, I have to finish this hot dog because I just have to eat food. You need sustenance at that point, yeah. By the time I got halfway through, I was like, I spit it all out and I had to throw

the rest of the dog away. Yep. It was terrible. And hamburgers are the same thing. I went to London when mad cow disease was like a thing

so we couldn't really eat the meat. That's wild. Yeah. That was crazy. There was a time couldn't really eat the meat. That's wild. Yeah. That was crazy. There was a time where it was just like all your meat's fucking shot. I don't know. I was a kid, so I got confused, and I thought you went crazy if you ate the-

I'm just learning now. That's not what happens. I think the cows go crazy. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. In my mind, it was like an X-Men thing or like like marvel like i eat this burger and i become like a mad cow it's like no you just get violently ill and shit yourself it's the cow that's crazy you're pooping but yeah like all that it's just like so the only way i could describe it okay so the thing about it is like it's like when you're a kid and you go to your friend's house and it

just doesn't smell like your house. Yeah. And you're like, something is off. Yes. Your mom just does things a little differently. It's not right or wrong, but it's just different. It's just a little different. Yes.

Yeah. And you're like, I had that. Even the country just smells different. I had that smell on my nose the whole weekend. I was like, what is wrong with this place? What the fuck is that? And that's the kind of shit. Like, next time you're like, I'm moving to Canada and moving to Canada So and so gets elected I don't really care about

The big picture stuff Yeah get mad about abortion And this and that And everything But like the fact That it smells right here Is more important It's more important

To your everyday life That America smells better Than over there It smells good The hot dogs and hamburgers Are good That's my platform America

The water's good Bro I was on the plane today First of all I also just got so sick Of hearing British accents where I was like, I was getting to my plane and I was like, if this is a fucking London bound flight and I have to talk to fucking British flight attendants, I'm going to be so pissed. Isn't that funny too?

Not London bound, but London based. How quickly we, you know, go from like, oh, oh, isn't it great, bro? Like, I love, I love the, I love the Peaky Blinders accent. And then you hear it for like a day and you're like get me the fuck out of here um but so that train to birmingham uh we got to birmingham and we're like we're not doing it again we got we'll get a cab from birmingham to right whatever whatever the cost is yeah it was like an hour and 50 drive or whatever could have been a thousand dollars could have been a ten thousand dollars yeah i'm not doing this again right so we get in the cab get some beers and we're we're like, all right, I think we're back.

Fell asleep again. Then we get to Liverpool. We got a hotel last minute kind of deal and then get to the match where it was just like, that was fucking. It was something awesome happening in the game, right? I mean, it was fucking so first of all the it's it's it's really cool the stadium because it's like um it kind of reminded me of what i think lambo is where it's like it's in a neighborhood yeah there aren't like right right there's not like big big parking lots and shit like it's not big parking lots not that i saw

you just walk like from the pub to the fucking stadium and yeah exactly and then um get to the pub like we went i don't remember the name of the pub but it's right outside the cop which is like where like the fucking season ticket holders and like the crazy fans sit um and uh it's right across you from the cop and it was like it was the coolest bar i've ever been to such a piece of shit it was like and i was actually i was stunned that like those bars can still like i'm sure there's like kind of like city ordinances in place or whatever that are like no you can't knock down the classic pubs to build some mega pub john henry sure sure these are yeah protected you can't because otherwise they they turn into like a chain right right this is a cash only bar

that's sort of beers and plastic cups hell yeah yeah That doesn't exist outside stadiums here. No, no. And I step into the bathroom and like, I'd heard about how much cocaine is in London and England. And it was actually exactly, I think Tommy said something like that, where like, it's just like a key, like they give like the child soldiers. Yeah. I just walked in the bathroom, take a piss. The guy's like, well, I was like, like just getting the boys ready. I was like, wow, I'm like, I'm still really good.

Like another patron? Another patron, yeah. I'm picturing one of those attendants. He's in a staff shirt. Yeah, they'll squirt the fucking soap on your hands for you and give you a bump. You want a spritz of cologne and some cocaine? And then this was, there's a million different cool things that happened. One of the coolest things that happened is it took us about five minutes to get from the pub to our seats because there aren't even metal detectors there because they don't have guns.

So it doesn't fucking matter. You just go. You just fucking walk in. That's another thing. That's another thing. Like when you're thinking about your gun control issues, just think about getting to your seat at a stadium fast. That's why we shouldn't have. Forget about the fucking schools.

Let me get to my stadium seat. That's the argument I was making. I was like, look, the school shootings, they stink. But boy, would this save me a lot of time because I go to a lot of games. It's so much better to just get to your Fucking chair Bro it took Five It was great Like from like Finishing Estella

To like at my seat Was literally like five minutes It was fucking nuts Next time you see A playoff game At like Citi Field Where the line Is like two hours

To get in Just think If you vote against your guns You'd fucking get your seat Real fucking quick Like that I actually I was like

We must have gone the wrong way There's no metal detectors or anything like that Right, nope And I've never asked if that's officially the reason why But like It's probably part of it Was there people? Was there security people?

Like looking in bags and shit? No, no, no, no So you could just bring a bomb in? Yeah, yeah You could bring a bomb in Also, they don't even have ticket attendants You just fucking There's people kind of standing nearby.

What are we doing, a trust system here? Helping you out. Yeah. But it's like... There's like a bar that goes up or some shit? Like you can't get in unless you scan your ticket? It's like a turnstile. Yeah.

Like a full turnstile. But you could not get in without... No, no. Full turnstile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's smart too. It's like you cannot sneak in. You need a ticket.

Let's just go. Scan, scan. Everyone was moving pretty quick. There were people, like attendants standing by in case people had an issue. What stadium is this? Anfield. It's Liverpool Stadium. Right, right.

Which we ended up having because we were trying to walk into the seats that were not nice enough. They were like, no, you can't come in here with these tickets. Really? Because we were in, like, the club section. We were in, like... It's a fucking dope stadium. It's small, though, right? I honestly wouldn't even know.

10,000? 70,000? Oh, it's big like that? I think... Oh, 53. 53's small, though, right? I honestly wouldn't even know. 10,000? 70,000? Oh, it's big like that? I think. Oh, 53. 53. Okay, yeah. The thing I saw there, I thought it was going to be like 10 or 15.

It's like MSG almost. No. 53. Yeah, okay. We were in like the, it's called like the Carlsberg Club or the Carlsberg Pub or something like that. And it's basically like, you know, the club section. Right.

So, and that's what. So, wait. All of this stemmed from some pretty average Tickets that he had? No, no, no, no We couldn't get into the average seats So they were like, no, no, you have to go to the club I thought all of this was like, I've got a couple nosebleeds

No, no, no, no It was dope club section stuff Got it, got it, got it And then The game was It was literally one of the most, like, dude, they did not stop yelling. Yeah. The whole game, Kevin.

Yeah, it's crazy. There wasn't a single fucking pause. I know. Without, like, someone singing some, not someone, like, without 49,000 people singing some song. The whole crowd. A couple of American assholes up there who don't really know the words trying to film it. How do you, like, How do you get that? It doesn't make any – are we Americans?

Are we just too lazy? Yeah. Because we can make songs. We can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's possible. We can just create songs for our teams. I know that I wouldn't do this every week or something like that.

But when I do go to a Mets game, I wish it was that way. I wish it was 50,000 people standing up the whole fucking time. Why don't we just all agree to do that? Let's just all say if you're going, we're going to stand up the whole time. Here are some songs. Fucking handout list. Lyrics, whatever. You can give them to

fans at the gate while you're standing there for two hours to check for a gun. So when you were looking around, are there like kids? Yeah. Not a ton. Because if I went to the game with my kids, I'd be like,

I'm here to get them a hot dog and a cotton candy and all that. We're not here to fucking like, you know. Yeah. So it's like it's got to almost be like here. I saw. We were in like the club section, which is like a little bit more bougie or whatever. It almost needs to be like these games are diehards only allowed.

You know what I mean? We're not letting any of the fucking – But that's what this one ended up being. I'm getting a little sweaty. That's what this one ended up being. We were at bars afterwards, and we were just talking to fans and stuff like that. And they were like, I can't believe you guys saw this game. What was the score?

It was 1-0. Oh, wow. But it was Mo Salah scored the goal. It was right after Man City had a goal disallowed. And it was late in the game. I want to say it was in the 70th minute, maybe something like that. Right. So that's pretty late.

Right at the time to start clock watching now, we were like, fuck. Particularly against Man City, who hadn't lost all year. Right. So you're like, get that time moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Click, click, click, tick, tick, tick, motherfucker. You know what is fucking chaos that they do is that in extra time, the clock in the stadium stops at 90 minutes.

So you see him hold up like six minutes, but it's not exact. So then it's just going on. I mean, extra time in general. Wait, usually do they announce how much extra time? They announce it, but they don't show it. The clock doesn't go. So you're like, I know there's six minutes left, but you're like, I guess like seasoned vets, like they like start a stopwatch on their phone.

But then it's all up to the rest. It's still the rest discretion because like a Liverpool player went down. So guess what? Another couple of 10 minutes. And it's like the whole time was shit. Blow the whistle! Blow the like the whole time was shit. Blow the whistle. Blow the fucking whistle. It was madness.

That is awesome, but I wish that upon no man. No man. And also like seeing the goal. There's so many ways a goal can happen where you don't even really see. Soccer is a little different, I imagine, like being in a live event. But like hockey, there's a lot of times where you're reacting to a goal, but you're actually just reacting to everyone else reacting. Yes.

You didn't really see what happened. Only the guy right next to it, you know, could see it, and then you just cheer. Yeah. And there are so many, like there are a million ways that could happen in soccer, too, where you're like, wait, what? That went in? That went in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was like a fucking dope pass from Allison, who's the goalie, to Mo Salah, who's like the stud. And then he ran, like it was him going in alone for like 50 yards or however big, I don't know, half the field is. And it got the moment of, you know, we talked about it in the silence draft

where you get like that. Right before that, yeah. But it's the longest three-pointer ever. So everyone's like, is he going to do it? Is he going to do it? That's sick. And also he had that same play like five minutes before when he didn't do it. Is he going to do it? Is he going to do it? And then he got it. That's sick. And also, he had that same play like five minutes before when he didn't do it. So it was like, fuck, is it going to happen again? There was more tension built in that moment.

And what did this mean for, like, so now Man City has their first loss of the year. Is Liverpool in or out or anything like that? No, I mean, it's still really early in the season, and Liverpool is still not doing very well. All the more reasons, like a fucking upset. It's kind of one of those, like, you hope it turns the season around, you hope it's a building moment kind of deal. Yeah, yeah. That's sick.

But it was fucking crazy. I mean, thank God. I mean, what if the game was just like a 4-0 blowout or something crazy? I would have preferred that. I started to think, is this game going to end a 4-0 blowout or something crazy? I would have preferred that. I started to think, is this game going to end fucking 0-0? Fly eight hours, train two hours, car two hours. That's actually a great point. For a fucking nil-nil result.

I'd rather lose 1-0 than get to at least see a goal. But then also they have like sections for their fans so we were kind of sitting by we were sitting like above i wonder if i have a picture i don't think i do i think i forgot to take one we were sitting like above i could see you being i was actually very proud of how much you documented it i told you i was like you should try to like put this well here's the deal too look i was documenting as much as i could and then people were like we get it you're in london well i And I'm like it's a trip of a lifetime I've talked about it for a day

I know What do you want me to do It's like that's when you know It's like when you have a brand when people start to hate you Oh I did take a picture fuck yeah So it's not a good picture But you can kind of see it Oh you know what I didn't take a picture

It's just i got to zoom in um because like you know what you know what also i respect about the british the most violent birds you'll ever see like they fucking punch air with their middle fingers like fuck you it's not as a quick like whatever fuck you it's like like there's the reason i thought that is this picture here i sent it to my dad and he's's like, I love that guy. And it was just like, that's him. Oh, that's a hardcore. Fuck you. But they throw it at you, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's throwing it at the, that's where the Man City supporters are sitting. Bro, all those yellow shirts are just cops. Just keeping the peace? Just keeping the peace between that section. I mean, that's the smart way to do it, right? Corral them. So the orange shirts are stadium employees.

The yellow shirts are cops. So there's sprinkled in everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All fucking covered. You can't get at them at all. I mean, well, it's like, are you keeping them in or out? Yeah, yeah. I don't even know what the rule is.

Did you see the Padres flip the bird to the? Yeah, that was all time. It's actually like it's a very unfortunate time to Did you see the Padres flip the bird? Yeah, that was all time. It's actually a very unfortunate time to have to compliment the British on flipping the bird. But that's not a classic American bird. That's a very unique American bird. So good. But I don't think I said this already because we were talking before you got in here. What I learned there is that you can't drink at the game.

Right. Did I say that already? Yeah. Did we say that on the show or was that before the show yeah is that a briefly yeah yeah it's a law from 1985 because of hooliganism yeah crazy yeah but it was like so you drink like two beers or whatever you know if we got there earlier if we were fucking smarter and we were like oh like let's fly into Manchester. Let's whatever. We probably would have gotten hammered. We probably would have been bars all day. But by the time we got there, it was like 3. It was a 4.30 kickoff.

So we went to the bar for like two quick ones. And then we got into the stadium. And we were in that club section in the Carlsbergs of beer. So there's a bar in it. And they were packing everything up. And we were kind of standing by the bar. We were like, excuse me, are you guys closed? And they're like, yeah, we open again at halftime.

I'm like, oh, okay. So then at halftime, we slam, like, a beer or two. But, like, that's it. That's all the drinking you can do, or at the stadium at least, right? Right, right, right. Is, like, pregame and then halftime. And then in the club section, you can stay after a little bit. But, fuck, what was I just going to say there? The other dope thing they do that

is kind of annoying, but also kind of sick, is that, and I don't know if this happens in the regular concourse or not, but someone comes around the club section and at halftime everyone's back to their seats. I was going to say, could you sit and just drink? No, you couldn't hang.

No, not only could you not drink, you couldn't just hang out there. See, that's because it's like, we need this to be a fucking good, like, whole field. But I was like, what if it's fucking January and I'm freezing, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be a pussy. That's how you make, that's how you have, like, strong fan base. But it's also like, you know, that'll never happen over here because you're losing money. Yeah, yeah.

You can sit in here and we'll just keep fucking, you know, give me food and drinks and whatever. Dude, they didn't have food. It was just chips. So it was like, I had a hot dog. I'm telling you, like, they're like, this is a field of war. Right, right, right. This is not a family experience. Yeah, right.

Make it last. Make this last for like three hours or whatever you fucking morons um it's i i've always thought that like remember when when um bill simmons asked what was it what was it was like a twitter thing for chance for look for lebron i think it was on the calves it was like you like go home lebron or something like it was like i mean i might have been it might have been such a pussy chant though it was the he i bet you could still find this which it It was definitely a screenshot. Google Bill Simmons. Maybe we can't make our own songs. Bill Simmons tried to come up with his own chant.

Search it on Google. I think it'll be a screenshot. I bet this is from 10 years ago. Yeah, this is an old one. Bill Simmons, LeBron chant. LeBron chant tweet. Yeah, LeBron, chant, like, tried to. LeBron chant tweet. Yeah, LeBron chant tweet. He was like, we want to hear it from, you know,

we want to hear it from all the Boston fans. Nah, where is it? It was so bad. It was. I mean, it was. Like, it has to be screenshotted somewhere. Yeah, I think it was, like, when he was leaving the Cavs. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yes, okay. This is it, right? Oh, New York Knicks. New York Knicks was one. Yeah. Because that was like his last year in Cleveland,

I think. Right. And then, what was the other one? I can't really read that. Rondo's better. Rondo's better. That was it.

Rondo's better. Bro, what the fuck? He was like, I want everybody To get on their feet It's like win one for the Gipper type shit And we're all gonna chant

Rondo's better And it was like What the fuck Which despite being As incorrect as it is Like it's just really Really Yeah

Remember the other one too It wasn't Bill Simmons It was that I think Red Sox owner Oh Let's go It was Tom Werner Yeah Let's go Red Sox Everyone's let's go It was Rob Werner Let's go Red Sox

Everyone's like it was off beat It was so off beat I think this is still my video I bet it was Oh god It makes me want to die It's a remarkable year and I just want to start a camp Oh, God. It makes you want to die. It's a remarkable year, and I just want to start a camp.

It is incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable. So bad. So you got to be good at this hooliganism shit. You got to have your, you know. Dude, but, like, there are also songs you can steal. Yeah. It's like, because what they're so smart about doing is they fucking take, like, popular songs and just write lyrics to them. Yeah, fucking.

Like, the whole reason I like Liverpool, Luis Suarez. And I just can't seem to get enough Suarez. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Right, right. Just steal a good song and make it yours. Or even just, like, you know, everybody does, like, the ole, ole, ole chant or something. Where does Jose start? Like, was Jose Reyes the first person where they started doing Jose does like the ole, ole, ole chant or something. Where does Jose start? Was Jose Reyes the first person where they started doing Jose?

Jose, Jose, Jose. So, soccer is ole. Or Liverpool is ole, ole, ole, ole, ole. For all we know, that could be like a fucking lullaby from the 80s or, you know, the 1900s or whatever the fuck. Where it's like, just take the stuff that works. Do fucking. The one they did when that was was fucking like the stadium was shaking. Like shaking.

Sure. It's probably like in the 85th minute. Because everybody can do that. But it was doing When the Reds. It's just, when the Reds, when the Reds, when the Reds come marching. Yeah. It starts jumping and it was literally shaking. It was fucking nuts. I'd give anything to be able to just like make that fucking thing.

So he just take good songs and fucking change the words a little bit. But you need like somebody to fucking lead it. You know what I mean? It's not going to be me. I guess you need like a firm to do it. Right, right. But then, dude, they're chanting back and forth. Like there was a – like honestly, I don't remember this moment.

I don't remember when there was a little bit of quiet. But I guess that's when some Man City's fans started chanting, Where's your famous? Where's your famous? Where's your famous atmosphere? And then, like, the fucking whole stadium started chanting back and forth. Like, all right, here it is. It was fucking nuts, dude.

It was nuts. Did this site give the Jets chant? It was the number one chant? God, we suck at sports here. Back over in England. You let the whole team down? I've never heard that. Is that a Duke?

No. I can't even hear. I literally can't even hear. We need to step our chance up here in America, man. But then this morning was like, so like I said, we really, really chilled last night. We went to a pub where, I don't know if you saw, I tweeted a picture where it was like, in the pub there's a sign that says, after 8pm, kids have to leave.

What are you doing over there? Are you throwing things around? I saw this sign that's, maybe this is someone else that you quote tweeted, no pregnant women allowed or something like that? They said that in response to this tweet. Okay. It just says, I can show you.

What's a kid? Underage like you like like underage or like you can't be no like yeah like a child okay like a child uh and like and it's a necessary sign because there were children running around and then they and then they get the boot at fucking at 8 p.m you know children allowed at your 8 p.m on these premises sorry it's, they were just, like, full-on kids running around. And then 8 o'clock hits, and it's like, see ya? And, like, literally at 8. And, like, they were, like, it's definitely, like, a very family-type bar. Sure.

Because, like, the bar backs went over and were, like, hugging the kids and tickling them. Like, they gotta get out of here. Yeah. It's so funny because, like, you do that in America and things are weird. You're a bar back tickling a kid in America in a bar. You would go to jail. You do it over in jolly old England. It's like, yeah, we're a family place.

It was actually, I want to look up, I want to look up because this was such a, there were a couple of cool bars, but this one was so cool. I think it was called the Globe Hotel or something like that. I don't think it's actually a hotel uh like i i i couldn't recommend it globe in the globe in um it was like such a perfect spot

to go right after the game which is great you know what's actually nuts too what they do is they i mean that's like exactly what i picture when i it's like, let's go to the pub before or after the game. It's that. Yeah. But it wasn't, never outside of the stadium was it as crazy as I thought it was going to be. Like, everyone's kind of pretty, like, dude, by the time, so we hung out in the club section for an hour and had, like, a beer or two after the game. But by the time we walked out, the streets were pretty empty. There were two pubs by, kind of rocking. And then we went to the Globe pub, or the Globe Inn, where it was a chill vibe.

But you know what everyone does, which is odd? Everyone stops talking, and they watch the press game conferences, the post games. The pub gets pretty quiet, and they're like, let's see what Klopp has to say. Let's see what Salah has to say Let's see what Salah has to say Which like You go to a post game And fucking Nobody cares

No one cares Like no one cares But it was like It's a very I mean that's the difference Of these people like Live and breathe it It's not like

You're not there for the fun You're not there for the drinking Like you're doing all that But like you're there for You know The X's and O's It was It was

But then this So then again Are you like See that's the rug It's a full fucking rug The whole place is rugged For the X's and O's. It was. But then this episode, again, we chill. Are you like hanging? See, that's the rug. It's a full fucking rug. The whole place is rugged. A rug is weird in a bar.

Dude, but it's like, so I tweeted it last night where I was like, I'm in like a bar bar. And somehow it's necessary to say kids aren't allowed here. They don't have food there. It's just beer and some chips. There is no reason for kids to be there. Yeah, you can't. The kid can't be having a cheeseburger This is how it becomes cultural too though

He's probably waiting for the day he can be there at 8.01 And when he finally can He'll be like I'll stay here And drink all night or whatever the fuck it is At this point are you talking with locals And making friends and shit Very much so One of the guys was like

What a great game for you guys to be at like I saw I was gonna tell them earlier you earlier like a couple of times

people came up to me and were like they're like that was like I've never heard it like that like that's that was the best I'm from Liverpool

and I've never heard it like that yeah so you got like the game it was the fucking game yeah but then I told one of the guys we were like busting balls about like, I forget what. But I was like, yeah, it was amazing tonight.

I mean, I'm going to be honest. I kind of teared up during YNWA at the end. And he goes, bit much. You ruined it. I took it too far. I thought you were cool. I was like, it might have been about other things, okay? All right, so family trouble's back over. I take it back. I take it back. I thought you were cool. It might have been about other things, okay? Alright, so family trouble's back over.

I take it back. I take it back. 55,000 people singing You'll Never Walk Alone. Like, yeah, maybe it was on something else. I'm staying here forever. I won't ever be alone again. Bit much. Yeah. It was cool.

You took it too far. You're a pussy American. Yeah. Everyone was so funny. It is weird, too. We're just like, oh, everyone here I talk to was funny and i'm sure the accent helps definitely yeah i mean you're also talking to like the ball busting like sports you know even if you're not like a true hooligan you're probably still more like a funnier guy than you know if you were like hanging out like the financial district or i don't

know what the fuck you know so you probably got the best of that world i was very um i did i was telling them again i'm gonna stop saying that because it's probably getting annoying. They don't know. Got asked a lot. Biden or Trump. Really? I was like, is that still a thing? Wow.

I mean, I guess it was the last election. But the... And then... What did you do? I would go... Brie just did this. Let me... No.

Brie on the Sleep When You're Dead tour. She just went around to college kids and did the same thing. Really? you do? I would go, Bree just did this. See this? No. Bree on the Sleep When You're Dead tour, she just went around to college kids and did the same thing. Really? And they're all like, or they're like, fucking drunk! Don't give a fuck! Here you go, brother. I'm gonna say this. Like with most elections, I agree with

whoever I'm talking to, so who are you? You vote! What can I do to make this interaction as little awkward as possible did they care or they're just it's like a reality show like you know like i think pass was saying like he's like i probably like kind of do the same thing like you show you a queen guy yeah like it would right right like once you got it in like well like it wasn't strangers coming up to me and asking but like we've talked for a little while So you're biting a Trump gun What do you think? But what's funny is it's also like

You could probably just answer however you wanted And they wouldn't really care It's only over here where it would be a huge problem One way or the other Get bottles thrown at you or whatever the fuck So all in all though Think about if you had just said No If you just hadn't gone If you just stayed home It is crazy too So all in all, though, think about if you had just said no.

I mean, if you just hadn't gone. If you just stayed home. It is crazy, too. I don't want to sound like a fucking person who's been abroad one time or anything like that. But, like, I get soccer now. Not that I never got it. I lived in Louisville for, what, six or seven years now. But I don't understand the game still to really any extent.

But watching it at the game, I got it a lot more than watching it on TV. Yeah. And, like, I don't know if it was because people around me would react. Like, I could see plays forming a lot more clearly. I was like, oh, fuck. I see what they're trying. Right. And what they're getting excited about.

Yeah. Almost. Yeah. Even stuff like, for some reason, like, I've watched a million times on TV, but I never really saw, like, if you pull up the solid goal, pull up my tweet, my retweet from you last night. It's like a fan, a crowd shot of the solid goal. But usually I always thought that the fucking deep balls

were just getting it out of the zone. And then you see, like, oh, I see how he's boxing him out so it goes over his head and he gets to go. But this is the goal. Turn the sound off. Ah. So great. It was so great.

It was so fucking sick. You can hear the pullback. He really just fucked that up. It was fucking... It was incredible But then this morning Today I did some of the most gangster shit I've ever done

Which is I showed up at the airport at 12.15 For a 12.10 boarding And made my flight bro Gangster shit Dude that's something we also need to overhaul We're done with two hours before your flight Just get there when your flight fucking takes off and and fucking everybody just get on let's go let's stop with this two-hour security freak show nonsense but we had i had an 8 30 train

out of liverpool i this time we had enough planning to get it direct yeah so an 8 30 with the seat uh a like it was a completely different train okay um so I got like a train with a seat from 8.30 out of Liverpool, got to London at 11, flights at 1, boardings at 12.10. But London to Heathrow is an hour, except the Heathrow Express, which leaves from a different train station than I got into. That takes 15 minutes. So you're climbing it close. At 12.10, I got in a cab. 12.30, got to the Second train station Which was Paddington train station

Which is so crazy that Paddington Bear is actually like a thing there Like Paddington Bear Was just all over this place I was like wait this is like You're Rocky And then so I couldn't figure out how to get to the Heath. Because it kept saying things like Heathrow Terminal 5 and Heathrow Terminal 3.

And I was like, I'm Terminal 2. Why are none of these trains going to Terminal 2? And I needed so much help. I'm like, can you please just fucking put me on the train I need to be on? I have literally no time to spare. Yeah, yeah. And they were so incredibly helpful. And get on a train, Heathrow 1215.

They don't have clear there apparently. The only thing that was convincing me I might make this flight is that I have clear, so I'll just rip through it. Get there, no fucking clear. So I just had to wait in regular security line, which was alone. Yeah. And I got through that at like 1240. Full sprint across the entire airport. Had to be the last guy boarding, right?

It said, like, the second. The door is fucking closing. The second to last to the point where, like, once I got through, I just stood off to the side for a second to, like, gather myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't stop breathing heavily or sweating until Greenland. Until you got home. Yeah. And then.

Oh, man. But the somehow, somehow fucking made it. But it was, yeah. I mean, yeah i mean i mean if it's not the greatest endorsement ever for game time right where you can just like decide to do the games yeah like you can just get on this app open it up like should i go to the fucking you know yankees elimination game tonight should i should we go fucking overseas to see whatever you can get any ticket or go to the concert go to the the stand-up comic, whatever it is. You can open up the app, see who's around, see who's in your area, and see what prices are available and just go.

GameTime is the app of like do it. Because you can always just not go to the game. You can always just sit on the couch, but do it. Open up the app and go. I always disagreed with that. I get that the fan experience at home is getting much, much better, but I'm always just being the building guy. Because I've been lucky enough to be in so many big games.

Because being at home is, you know, you'll still, if your team wins, it's still awesome and you're comfortable and you didn't spend money and whatever, but it's like, it's never going to be the same as like, there's from now, I don't care if it's the year 3000 and you have 3d goggles that fucking project the game onto the table or whatever there's something about when you say like you yo you were at game seven yeah you were there for game seven also just having that moment you're better the pause you're better than them Right You're there Because you're there for the silence

I felt the experience You were a part of the silence Yeah And I actually also I would strongly endorse Going to games you wouldn't Really totally go to Because we were on the train

Home from Liverpool this morning And I was like Bro I forgot I was at the The match of the US Open Like last month Thanks to game time Yeah And I was like

Dude you know what I would've loved to go to I'd never been to tennis Never been to soccer. I saw Karabas was at the 18 inning Astros-Mariners game. I would almost like to be... I don't even know that that happened. It was an 18 inning 0-0. It was a 1-0 win

for the fucking... for the Astros. The Mariners just got fucking metzed. I think they led for like 30 of the 36 innings in a three-game sweep and it was it was zero zero into the fucking 18th inning and then uh i don't remember who somebody had like a solo shot but like carabas was there obviously like no dog in the fight kind of like observing you know yeah and it's all i almost like i could never be a zero zero 18 inning

mets playoff game would kill me. Like I would die. But just to be there and be like, cause he said it was like, he was like, nobody knows what to do. Like everyone's phones are dying. Their beer stopped being served.

Nobody's getting any hits. Like it's, it's gone on too long. Like that is. I didn't think about phones dying. Like, I mean, and then,

and then the Astros win and it's just like, go fuck yourself. And then, and then that was, so that was the, just like, go fuck yourself. And then that was for the series. Like, it's over. Like, game three. Walk off with a walk off? No, because it was in Seattle. So even worse, though.

Top of the 18th, solo home run. They shut you down for three outs. You just spent, like, eight hours at the ballpark, and your season's over. That sucks. But it's still, like. But, yeah, yeah. You were there. Like if you told me you're at the 18-inning game, I will like now know of.

You know what I mean? And you could be there courtesy of GameTime where they have all the best tickets at the best prices possible. Man, they should have paid for this whole fucking segment. That's what this whole thing is. Go to GameTime, man. If you're thinking about it, go to GameTime, download the app, create a login, use code KFC, and get $20 off your first purchase. Turns apply.

Download GameTime. Last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Dude, do you – oh, by the way, two other weird things. These are both very quick. So Sunday night, I just like – I chilled. I said we went to like the pub. We went to the Globe Inn, whatever. And I got home and I was watching like the USA Network.

It's like called like USA5 or whatever. Just because I couldn't hear more British accent. I need America. I need some Americans. So I watched like a few episodes of Law and Order. A few episodes of The Blacklist. And like, you know how they give, I don't know, they're just picking like,

this is what America is. Law and Order and The Blacklist. Right, right. We'll give them a whole vibe of America by these three shows. Yeah. But the... A lot of gun blacklist Right, right We'll give them a whole vibe of America By these three shows Yeah But the A lot of gun violence

Yeah, right And so before You know how they give those warnings They're usually more on movies than TV shows Yeah, like this was filmed in a time where No, just like violence Sexual nudity Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

So they say it beforehand on there And it was like This is going to have extreme violence and gun violence and action. A person speaking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so whatever, that happened. And then I watched a blacklist and similar warnings come up. And then another blacklist, similar warnings come up.

And I'm kind of like half sleeping. I'm turned around, not really listening or not really paying attention, just being soothed by American voices. And then they changed the show, because it got my attention. The only warning for this show was it's going to have antisocial behavior. And I popped up. I was like, what the fuck is antisocial behavior? Antisocial? Antisocial.

And so then it's a show that starts like the CCTV show, which I guess is kind of their version of cops, which is real pussy stuff, to be honest. Well, yeah, they don't even have guns. It's like, look what these cameras caught. This graffiti. Legit. Give me some fucking

proof. Thanks to CCTV, we've caught the graffiti. That's like, really, dude? That's all you got? That's all we're getting? But then I Googled what antisocial behavior is, and it's basically their laws for civility. Racism is a violation of antisocial behavior.

Graffiti is one. Dude, that's not for sure. Gathering in a group in the street is one, which, again, like, prevent hooliganism is one. But that's not what antisocial, not here, at least. Gathering in a group in the street is one, which, again, like, preventing hooliganism is one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, that's not what anti-social, not here at least. Well, it's like anti-society is what it sounds like. Yeah, I guess so. Not like your social life.

It's like this is how we're supposed to behave as a society, and you're violating that. I definitely thought it was going to be the show with that autistic doctor for sure. Yeah. Which, by the way, did you see there was uh this is i guess a couple weeks ago maybe during the playoffs i saw a commercial for it like there was like a you know the good doctor right yeah yeah there was like a hostage situation in the hospital for the good doctor something crazy where there was like full-blown you know like violence danger and the good doctor is like you know because he doesn't know what the fuck's going on he's like give me the gun i don't know whatever it was it was it was it was something

like yeah here yeah here you go yeah terrifying hostage situation and it's like he's got this autistic guy who doesn't like understand the fucking situation like just a funny like i can see like a fucking skit show of a hostage guy being like, What don't you get, man? I'm going to fucking kill these people. He's looking at the chart like happy, mad, angry. But then the last thing was, so we both zonked out early Sunday. And then my buddy ended up waking up at like 2 or whatever and being like, He's like, Dude, I can't sleep.

I'm going to go back. I'm going to go out. I'm going to get some food and maybe grab a drink at a pub or whatever. And I was like, all right, I'm going to stay. And then they don't let singles in. You can't just be a one-year guy. You can't be a single guy at a bar. He went into one bar and they were like, you guys should go check out this one.

It's a little chiller. And then he got to that one and the bouncer was like he's like no we don't let singles in and he's like he's like no come on he's like you're just fucking with me some american and he's like nah mate like i'm not he's like come on bro i just flew over here and turned the liverpool season around because i like man city and he's like fuck he's like all right so he went to another pub and then that pub also said no singles i mean that he's like maybe it is a thing it's probably you know It's like you're a solo dude

Out there you're gonna Rape some girls It does yeah Like I can see that like But also like I've been to bars Where I just drink alone But like Totally

I guess I've been to the time cutoff Certain places yeah I bet there's like Cause you get like Two o'clock in the morning Whatever time of the week Yeah you're a solo guy

Walking into a bar At two in the morning When it's closing What's the point of Yeah at the very least You're like predatory Like I'm just gonna try To find a drunk girl Fucker Or a farce At the very least, you're predatory. I'm just going to try to find a drunk girl fucker.

Or a farce. Maybe there's a reason your friends told you to fuck off and you're not with them anymore. You're alone for a reason at two in the morning. I was having a conversation

this weekend with a couple different people. The amount of casual, everybody knows, several people who have been drugged is kind of wild. I don't think I know any.

I know. I've heard of mostly quote-unquote funny stories where the guy ended up drinking it by accident or like, I guess none of it's funny. Listen, I have theories I've been drugged, but... Well, you probably have. I was going to say, that's also the thing. Chances are if you've partied for 10 years, you've been drugged. Yeah.

Because it's just like everybody... the wrong drink yeah i mean we were i was probably talking like four people this weekend and all of them had stories that that were like i like saw my drink fizzing brought it to the bartender and was like like somebody put something in my drink like i need another one and they were like do you want us to pull the tapes? And people were like, eh, it's not really. The whole thing. There's like a madman on the loose poisoning people. And you're just like, eh, it happens. I don't want to pull the tapes because I don't want to deal with that.

But you should. You should figure out who's hanging out in the bar and drugging people. Right, because that's a problem for business, let me tell you what. But yeah, you could probably just stop that by, the only people doing that are probably, I guess not only, because you could be a frat boy with a bunch of your buddies and fucking do that shit too, but. You'd be a real psychopath.

Dude, the last thing in the world I like to deal with is a drunk girl. You're willingly being like, I want to get this person to be fucking incapacitated sloppy. Ugh. The worst, dude. I carry a heavy body home? Yeah! Just go.

The ultimate, like, the ultimate just jerk off before you do anything. You really want to do this? You really want to do this? I think the people who do it really want to do it. You're probably right. You're probably right. I don't think jerking off would change their minds. You're probably right.

But to anybody who's on the fence. They probably had a few moments of clarity in between their druggings. I'm like, I don't even want to stick with that. If you're ever debating it, though, if you're ever on the fence about date raping someone, just jerk off first, man. Have either of you ever been drugged? No. But I know a lot of people have. Really? Yeah. Like everybody? the fence about date raping someone just jerk off first man have either of you ever been drugged really yeah it's like everybody yeah it's fucking nuts i just drink my drink so fast yeah there you go jack there you go i just chug i'm blacked out i do it by myself

can't get drugged if you drug yourself i saved them the money i mean yeah but every girl we were talking to was like you you know, I never – I don't get wine at bars because, you know, it's too big of a, like, glass to put it in. Oh, you remember that viral – I always cover – I hold it like this when I walk around. I don't remember if it was a Vine or a TikTok. It was definitely not a TikTok because it's a little older. I don't know if it was a Vine or just a Twitter video.

And it was, like, a girl – You don't even understand what you're watching when you watch the video. Why is this person reaching over drinks and stuff like that? And then you don't even see anything happen. And at the end, it's like, oh, there's a bunch of pills in all these drinks. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I didn't even notice that happen. And I guess you're in a dark bar or a club, and some chick stumbles,

and you just sweep them out into a cab or some shit before anybody notices anything bad is going on but it's like i don't know i've had like been like holding girls up like outside of bars to like send in cabs yeah and i was like listen like yeah just so you know i'm only putting her in this cab i'm not getting in this cab but that's another one which is also like maybe that's not the best idea either but like well that was another story that was shared was like the um this girl like saved like a random stranger who was like like what's going on here and he was like that's just my girlfriend and she was like no it's not and it was like okay we're taking her and like they just put her in a cab and sent her home like you said i don't know oh maybe someone on the other side's gonna

do it to you also like i don't know if you're going to get home or not, but I'm going to stop this guy from doing it. But it's just, like, blatantly out there. Fucking crazy. And a lot of times I think it ends up being, like, people being, like, I only have one drink and I'm, like, falling over. Like, I know something's wrong. And then they go home and they sleep until, like, 4 p.m. because their body has been poisoned. I know that game. I did myself with NyQuil before. It does the trick.

Wake up in a puddle of sweat at 4 p.m., just confused. You're like, did I drink too much NyQuil? Did I roofie myself with NyQuil? Fuck, dude. That shit hits hard, man. I missed the whole day of work today. Those people who like robo-trip, man. Are you kidding me? If I have a little

bit too much to sip... I had a buddy in high school who didn't drink. He just robo-tripped. Like regularly? Yeah. Instead of partying, he would just chug. We'd all be having beers. That has to be horrible for you. I can't imagine it's good. But we would just be having beers in the basement. We'd be cracking our first beer, and he'd just put

down a whole bottle of Robitussin. All right, boys, let's hang out. I kind of like it. I kind of like it. I saw somebody do it once, and it was the blue-green color, and he puked it back up, and it was amazing. It was just this black death, like black puke of death. It was unbelievable. My buddy was also a green guy, I believe.

I mean, I've never even considered There's an extra gear I think I would do heroin Before I fucking robo-tripped This was freshman year Our parties would be like Four of us hang out in a basement We play Madden We drink some beers

And he's like This is gonna kick in in five minutes It's gonna minutes awesome like that is dude just have fucking six bud lights like a regular right well but it's also one thing it's like uh you know yeah we did that freshman year not like every weekend yeah you know like you guys gonna go to the like the store to pick up six pack all right i'm gonna go to the cbs yeah can somebody-pack? All right, I'm going to go to the – I'm going to go to CBS. CBS. Can somebody give me Robitussin? I'm on a list now and can't buy anything. The only guy I knew that did that was also the guy that gave himself

stick-and-poke tattoos who had an arrow pointed at his nuts that had his girlfriend's name. They broke up. He crossed it out. They got back together. It was unbelievable. He had an arrow pointed at his nuts with his girlfriend's name on it? It said Aubrey's, and it was pointed.

That's her real name. These are Aubrey's balls? Aubrey's like, can I have the shaft? Yeah, I was going to say, specifically the balls? Or was it just his junk? I think he described it as like, it's pointed towards my balls. That's why I always remembered it. And then he crossed it out, and then they got back together, he had to like i don't know put an asterisk but like

we're back again he just kept like crossing out yeah he didn't make it to sophomore year yeah that that to me is you're either a robo trip kind of guy or you're not like that's not that's not something like i i sit down and be like i'm not doing that and and the guys would be like no man like come on you can do it and like i could get talked into it you know like you can talk me into some shit you can't talk me into chugging a bottle you can probably talk me into it we'll probably do one next time if we had like a patreon it would be like yeah like 2 000 subscribers and we'll fucking we'll'll roll with it. Yeah, you could – yeah, for money. You could do it for money.

Bro, you could talk me into anything for money. Also, if you just told me it's really fun, you could probably do it. You're like, dude, no, it's awesome. Well, I don't think people do it because it's not fun. I don't know. I can't imagine it. I just feel like I would just pass out. Yeah, I would think so.

I don't even know. Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know. No, because it's godlike. Have you guys ever... Is this a young people thing at all? What? Do young people do this at all? Oh, my college roommate did it at a time.

Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if that was like... Oh, really? I thought it was kind of passe. Yeah. Like, that would be a lame old people thing. Like, you drink your fucking... Your cough medicine?

What? But I guess no because like lean and all that shit got purple drank all that got more it's probably more popular but that was at least with Sprite and stuff

that wasn't just pounding on a bottle but think about it it's like that's like like doing lean is like the pussy version oh you put a Jolly Rancher in like a little bit in

like I fucking just drink the bottle pussy it's like yeah but codeine is also a line you drink way stronger right yeah codeine is way way stronger yeah you can't have a yeah But codeine is also Codeine is way stronger right Yeah codeine is

Way way stronger Yeah you can't have A bottle of codeine But Or can you I don't know I knew a dude that If you're Lil Wayne

I bet you can You'll die Three separate times I forget his name I forget what it's called But like There was a guy that Would dip his

Joints into codeine And like Yeah and then Smoked that That's cool I smoked a joint last week he's dead now that was like definitely dipped in something yeah it was like it was like i bought i just bought it those are cool those are cool dude i feel like smoking angels us and shit like that

is cool it was like you find out you smoked a cigarette dipped in pcp and you and you like did it and you're fine it's like that's cool yeah i'd be like yo i smoked a pcp yeah as somebody who found out they smoked bull that That had PCP in it It's fucking weird Yeah no I mean It's horrible to do to people And like

If you're drugging them And not telling them But afterwards It's like You know It's like training day I didn't know you liked to get wet It's like yeah

I smoked angel To be able to be like I smoked angel dust Is fucking cool I'm just That's just a fact I had a buddy When we were in Spain once

There was some dude Just sitting on the steps with a skateboard, which is weird to see Europeans with skateboards to me. It just seems like an American thing. What? Yeah. No, I get that. Really?

Skateboarding feels pretty American. It's like seeing a European throwing a football around. What the fuck are you doing with that? If I saw a man with a skateboard and he had that accent, it would throw me off Yeah It was I mean this was years and years ago

That is But he was sitting on He was sitting on church steps Just kind of like You know like You rest your feet on the skateboard And kind of slide back and forth Pabs who invented the skateboard?

Yeah Ripping a bong Out in public? Yeah I mean it was like 2am Kind of deal Right right right And he was like

He's like you boys want a hit? Or whatever he said in Spanish? And my buddy went up and smoked it and just immediately started walking by. He just went, not weed. Not weed. No. Don't do it. Don't do it.

That is fucking great. Where was it meant? Like California? Bill Richards? It's got to be California. It's definitely California. It has to be right like that's

that's you know anybody else type in California with it I bet you it's California California Dana Point yeah gotta be gotta be Bill and Mark Richards

1958 yeah like inventing inventing that shit is also cool like what was Dogtown or something that Dogtown

Lords of Dogtown yeah those guys have gotta be the coolest guys ever that and the surfers is also cool. Like, what was it? Dog Town or something like that? Dog Town? The Lords of Dog Town. The Lords of Dog Town, yeah. Those guys have got to be the coolest guys ever. That and the surfers. The Generation something. That,

type in Generation and Surfing. There's this documentary about it. It's called like Generation, yeah, Momentum Generation. That, if you haven't seen Momentum Generation,

fucking watch Momentum Generation. You will want to seen Momentum Generation, fucking watch Momentum Generation. You will want to quit your job and go be a surfer in California right away. Really? Don't let me watch it then. Dude, it is very fucking awesome. I think it's like Kelly Slater and a bunch of those dudes, but it's like the guys who made surfing become like a worldwide sport. I think one of the guys died sport and there's like i think one of the guys died and there's like beef and there's there's one um there's one uh event i guess like to this day

where you you have it's it's like it's you gotta surf right but you gotta also catch waves yeah it's all about like if you catch a good wave or not and there was this one time where uh you're both out there kind of going like you know wave, wave for wave, trick for trick sort of thing. And this one guy pulled off some like awesome shit. And his competitor like went over to kind of like dap him up. Like that was a good job. But it also really stopped him from getting the next wave. And it's like to this day debated.

Like did he do that on purpose or not? It's like a very – there's a whole fucking world of it that you just don't know. And it is – it makes you feel the know. It makes you feel the worst. It makes you feel like when I see things like this, I'm just like, God damn it. I didn't live life at all. And I think we're doing some pretty cool shit. And I'm still like, this fucking sucks. Why didn't I just go live on the beach with a surfboard and a wetsuit and nothing else to my name until I became this.

I call it one wave. I went out to Cali for a week, and I took lessons every day. I call it one wave, and I was like, I'm good. That's all I need for the rest of my life. I surfed. Yeah, I surfed the wave. Did anyone else hear Jackie's audible scarf when he said Cali? Yeah, I heard that.

They hate that. They hate that. I don't know why I said scarf What word was I looking for? It's not scarf Scoff Scoff There it is

That Boston accent My classic Boston accent Did you hear a scoff? Jackie still has not blown her nose Oh that's right What's that? October 26th? 26th

We have like 10 days left And the other day I was sitting in here I was doing a podcast And she was She had her headphones on And we were like So it was quiet

And you just heard like She was like it was just like heavy breathing through her nose and sniffling and it was i have what i i forgot kind of what happened i was about to be like what the fuck is wrong with you and i was like oh yeah your your nose has been mangled for the last month but it was just like dead silence and then just like is it gross it's not great you know if i was like on a date or something i'd be like this is's not great you know if I was like on a date or something

I'd be like this is fucking weird but you know what is that what is this here what are we what are we looking at here

if I die of corona please spread my ashes in the sand pits or in the woods long jump that sand is just covered in girls butts and pussies.

That's very, very funny. That's a great tweet. All right, let's get into it. We'll do some M.I. the Asshole. I don't even know. Today's news. Today's news. Okay, yes, yes.

We're doing One Minute Man brought to you by Mugsy Jeans. We have a shirt right here. Fresh out the bag The new We'll do an unboxing An unbagging of the Muggsy Jeans Sad Boys Season Huh? I was singing Frank the Tank's unboxing song

Sorry Muggsy Jeans, Sad Boys Season Denim jacket Fresh out the bag You can see the What's that, like a light wash denim, right? Yeah, that's a light wash. And then the buttons.

The classic stretch denim, though. Yes, because it's all comfortable. It's like the same thing that Muggsy makes their jeans out of, which are the comfortable jeans. This is, honestly, every time I wear this, people are like, that's a dope jacket. Well, the silver buttons are what's fucking cool. If they were just regular silver buttons, I think it would work.

But then you look a little closer and you see that sad little fucking sad boy. That little... God. The fact that, like... What did you do recently again?

You made another slogan. What'd you do? Oh, the thing. People started using the thing. I've been seeing the thing for like two years. I don't know why

people are stealing it now. It doesn't take much. It's fucking crazy. Like the Phillies were tweeting it. I forget. Oilers were tweeting it. Someone else was tweeting it. Whoa.

The thing is pasta. I've actually always been like, I should probably just use it for any Bruins play. But I was like, no. It's fucking pasta's thing. Pasta does the thing. It's not even just pasta. No, it's not a Bruin. It's just pasta.

That's great. I mean, but the little cartoon, the thing. John's fucking madman out here, Don Draper, just with no money to show for it. So you can get this jacket. It's comfortable. It's stylish. It's sad boy.

It's sad boy season. It's time to get it. You might as well get some jeans while you're at it. Speaking of all this, we have a sad boy drop today of new corduroy shirts that is hard to explain. It's like a it's like a collared It's like a three-quarter collared

corduroy shirt. Yeah, it's like not a polo. It's not a like collared work shirt. It's like a t-shirt heavier corduroy open shirt. No, but it's collared. No, but I'm saying it's not like a polo. Like it's not like a, I don't think of it as like a you know, like a business casual work shirt. No, it is collared. No, but I'm saying it's not like a polo. It's not like a – I don't think of it as like a business casual work shirt.

No, no, definitely not. It's a collared shirt, but it's like a very chill. Plus winter hats and the Sad Boys season hat that I've been wearing nonstop but forgot on the plane. Oh, no. Somebody out there, though. Somebody scooped up a free Sad boy season hat over in London town there's probably some guy wearing it right now

Doesn't even know what it is So yeah new sad boy out Mugsy jeans out go to mugsy.com Use promo code KFC get 10% Off plus free shipping on the Jeans on the jackets everything else If you don't love them you can Return them all for free

It feels like you're wearing sweatpants and with the jacket you're nice and stylish but it's uh just as comfortable as the pants are also it's perfect for the fall it's that in between where you can wear it you can wear your jacket but you leave it on inside you get all the compliment the jean jacket it's crazy because i i have one too that has like a sherpa on the inside, and it's, like, every time you wear it, it gets a compliment. Yeah. But it's, like, the most – it's the jean jacket. It's the staple.

I'm not wearing anything special here, but people, like, forgot about them or something, or they don't have them enough. It's, like, everybody should have – everybody should have a jean jacket. Every American should have a skateboard and a jean jacket. That's it. That's it. Let's get a fucking skateboard sponsor for next week, and we'll do a two-for-one. But, like, everybody should have a jean jacket, but they look at them, and they're like, whoa, that's a great jacket. It's like, yeah, it's a fucking jean jacket.

Go get it. Go get one. And now you can get it at Mugsy. So it's like it's one of the most, you know, wardrobe staples out there. But do it through us. Make us, you know, help out KFC Radio and do it through Mugsy. And go to Mugsy.com. Use promo code KFC. All right. One-minute man help out KFC Radio and do it through Mugsy. And go to Mugsy.com. Use promo code KFC.

All right. One-minute man style on KFC Radio. I know absolutely nothing. You got nothing. Yeah. You went fucking time traveling, basically. I'm actually going to try to think of things that might not even be on here because I'm like, you don't know anything. I was thinking, like, what time i'm on and it's actually like why why is it very beneficial for me to go to europe and offer a weekend trip

is like i don't live in a time zone i live on just my own time yeah i know it like like time doesn't really matter to me i mean i used to say when my kids were first born i used to say me and john lived in different time zones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I would go to bed at like 8 o'clock and wake up at 6 and John would do the polar opposite. Yeah. I don't think I'm on time zone, but I've missed everything. Yeah.

I mean, you leave even just like the East Coast time zone. It's like, let alone if you go like a whole world away. It was. But like I just like you catch a nap here and there where you can't. You're Kramer, man. You're Frank the Tank. You got your sleep routine. All right, first of all, one minute, man, KFC radio style.

All of baseball is broken. The whole sport, everyone wants the, the playoffs are broken now because all the teams lost. All the good teams lost, so we have to change everything. It's fucking insanity. It's just that your team lost. The Braves are out. The Dodgers are out. The Yankees are on the verge of elimination. The Phillies.

Phillies worked their shit. I think it was four games, but it was like, you know, the Braves snuck one in there. It's just the Eagles and the Phillies are good. The Mets getting bounced in the wildcard round. 101 wins out.

The 101 win Braves out. So, by the way, if you're keeping score at home, the Mets and Braves played one playoff series each. They won one game each. The Braves lost three. We lost two. So, at the end of the day, Who's got a better winning percentage?

I was going to say, at the end of the day, 2022 team, better winning percentage? I was going to say, at the end of the day, 2022 team, better winning percentage than the Braves. I have to concede the obviously, the kings of the NLEs are the Phillies.

Second place is the Mets, third place is the Braves. That's just how it goes. It's mathematics. But between, the Yankees are on the verge of elimination. That's tonight?

I thought I saw a tweet. So that'll be game five. Was there something about, I saw Hub's quote tweet something about, they might postpone the game. Is it supposed to rain here tonight? I thought I saw a tweet. So that'll be game five. I saw Hub's quote tweet something about they might postpone the game. Is it supposed to rain here tonight? It is supposed to rain here tonight. And the Cleveland Guardians are the third best team in the rain. And the Yankees are 22nd.

Yes! I'm unbiased. No dog in the fight. I unfortunately feel like by the time you listen to this, I think the Yankees will have won it. I feel like the – Is Cole going tonight? No, he went for – he forced game five.

And he pitched well. He pitched like seven innings, two runs. But the Guardians have done what the Mets do. They dink and dunk you to death. And, bro, get this. Oscar Gonzalez? Oscar – Oscar Gonzalez. Oscar Gonzalez is now tied with poppy

for having uh the most uh ninth inning walk-offs in in the playoffs for his career with three he's a fucking rookie from the dominican republic he has three walk-offs already in this postseason it's also just still the ds he had he had a walk off in the wild card round and i think two in the ds and him and poppy are the only two guys to ever have three in like one postseason but that's like it for everybody's careers i thought poppy would have had like nine walk-offs he had a lot of them were like game time or eighth inning so he only has three walk-offs his whole career he did it all in one postseason. Oscar Gonzalez is this new guy. He did it in just two weeks span. It was amazing, dude.

It was amazing. It was like I watched – it was one of the bigger dickhead things I've ever done. I was watching at a Yankee fan's house. I was a guest in their house watching, just fucking cheering for the Indians right in front of their face. They're like casual fans, so it wasn't as bad, but I was like, I can't believe this is going to happen. I mean, they needed to tie it.

They were down one or two, maybe? I think the Indians scored two or three. They were down one and they scored two. Right, but it was also hit after hit after hit. It wasn't through the home run. So I'm watching the Guardians, if you will, the tribe, do what the mets i

thought were gonna do um so the yankees being on the verge of elimination the dodgers out the mets out the braves out everyone's like the format's broken it's like well the ashrows are fucking killing it so right it's also like it it didn't change you lost in the divisional round the division round was the same. I was going to say, what is the major change? I mean, obviously I know about the extra wild card. The Mets got fucked. No, I know about that one.

They didn't get fucked. They're the ones who blew it. I thought once that round is over, it's basically regular baseball. It's back to regular baseball. What did happen, though, and I will never care about the regular season, like, getting to the postseason, you know? Yeah. But now, like, the DS has two teams that won 80 games. 201 win teams sitting at home while the Padres and Phillies.

The Phillies were 14 and 17 in September. They were, like, giving away the playoff spot. And they still somehow made it because the bitch-ass Brewers fucking stink, and now they're just fucking rolling. And that's just how it goes. I was going to say, I feel like maybe baseball is just not used to that. That's why I think most sports, particularly hockey, get hot at the right time.

I know what happened. This is what happened. Because they now do this wild card thing, and they now do buys and they do seeds. In baseball, for like 100 years years you were never the one seed the two seed you were just in the playoffs yeah it was it was a crop of teams that were all worthy someone like 105 and someone like 92 but everybody was like any of these teams could win and it'll be okay now there's a clear one seed and a six seed and a first round buy and so you see these like

stark differences and it just lends itself to being like it's an upset because the sixth seed beat the one seed or whatever. And you almost start thinking about college basketball and playoffs where there are just clear ranked teams. There was a time where it used to just be. I think hockey's kind of evened out, but there was a time where more eight seeds had won the Stanley Cup recently than the one seed.

And that's where that was a little bit out of whack, too. But this is just like, you had a weird year where all the good teams lost. A lot of people are saying that the divisional round should be seven games, but I don't know. You do a seven-game divisional, seven-game CS, and a seven-game World Series, your pitchers are going to be fucking gassed. Your team's like, you know. So it's like, you have a five-game set. It offers a little bit of upset opportunity,

and that's good for the game. It just happened to be that all of the good teams lost, except for the Astros. And the Yankees might hopefully get bounced, and it'll be another one to add to it. But they're worried about the good teams not. Are they trying to argue for the marketing of the sport? I don't know.

I think they're just saying that you have 100. You know the ratings. Are they trying to argue for the marketing of the sport? I don't know. I think they're just saying that the ratings. You know the ratings. Are they worried about ratings? Because I think this is cooler for baseball. Definitely. Fucking anyone can lose their time. Yeah, it doesn't matter. If you tune in and ride the wave, you don't have to watch the team.

If it's not Dodgers-Yankees World Series, no one cares. Yeah, you're probably right. I probably won't tune into a Padres fucking Guardians World Series. That would be terrible. But I think it's cooler for this sport at least getting there. Yeah. No, absolutely. I just think it's crazy to have 162 and then have a coin flip.

Yeah. Like 162 should decide, like, I don't know how much more you can give them than a buy. I mean, it's just a stupid sport. It's a dumb sport. It's a dumb fucking sport. Also, 162 I think is quite crazy. It's insane. But again, my mind always goes stupid sport. It's a dumb sport. It's a dumb fucking sport. 162, I think, is quite crazy. It's insane. But again, my mind always goes to hockey.

They play 82. That's a long season, too. That's a lot, too, yeah. But it's like, I guess, you know, if you played one... That's also why the Dodgers are getting a lot of shit right now, and everyone's talking about their Mickey Mouse... Was that a real screenshot I saw? That fucking...

Yeah. Dave Roberts guaranteed a World Series screenshot I saw? That fucking Dave Roberts guaranteed World Series? I saw it. So October 15th, the LA Times published, if there was ever a team that deserves to just be handed the championship and not have to play in the playoffs, it's the 2022 Dodgers. And they lost that night and got eliminated. It was like, what are you doing, LA Times?

Oh, he must have been kind of kidding if he's on the Dan Patrick show. You never know. Dave Roberts is a fucking idiot. Don't speak ill of Dave Roberts today. Today's a Dave Roberts anniversary. The best. It was a steal. All the time.

But, like, yeah, you played 162 games, and then it's a crapshoot. It's like, well, then that was stupid. And they had their one Mickey Mouse ring was in the – And you know what, like – We'll win the World Series if we play a full season and there is a postseason. I mean, yeah, what do you want to – You asked the – We'll win the World Series in 2022.

So I know where you're going with that Nope What do you Put it on record Oh nevermind Okay he like Tripled down Yeah no he sounds pretty serious Yeah

I mean they won like 190 games So they should've But they fucking lost Okay so baseball's dead We'll keep it with sports Tom Brady Like blew up his whole family

left his wife, blew up his family also now his whole entire team hates him, all just to lose to Mitch Trubisky, how's that feel? I actually think when I said I saw nothing this weekend, I saw some things, I exaggerated a bit I think

it's going way over the top I think the Brady hate not over the top I think like The Brady hate Like shit Not like hate Because I know you You know we love a rise We love a fall

But like the Really personal stuff I think it's like Legitimately over the top Oh yeah No no It's horrible Dude do you see

The fucking kid At the fucking Steelers game Like hey Tom To Del Giselle Yes Which like I don't really care

About the kid doing it But like If you're the dad Making that sign for your kid You're a fucking psychopath Yeah You're a fucking Psychopath Yeah You're a fucking Like an actual psychopath

Yeah I'm gonna make a sign For my fucking Six year old son To hold To tell I'm gonna fuck his wife Like you're a psychopath

Dude I do love you Like you always Like I saw that sign And I was kinda like Eh that's weird You will always Bring me back down to earth

Like that is so fucking bizarre That is That is wildly inappropriate behavior. Like, a dad stayed up after his kid went to bed on Saturday night to fucking paint this sign so his child can hold it. You are a lunatic, son. And then, like, I saw even the Barstool account was like, it was like, I didn't fucking lose my family. It's when he's yelling at the video, him yelling at the offensive line.

I didn't lose my family to be down to Kenny Pickett. I was like, all right, guys. Heavy lies to the crown, man. Heavy lies to the crown. It is like, I guess I understand that argument. But I think the personal shit goes a little fucking far. Yeah, you think? You think?

You think people on the internet are a little bit mean about personal lives i i uh i also um i saw on on tiktok um i said latina on the rundown i don't know what is brazilian are you latina are you hispanic are you brazilian what yeah you're brazilian whatever it was you're a german portuguese mix there is a uh a sect of of like hispanic witch tiktok though and i'll try to find some of these that are basically saying that you know these women who are who are either latin american or brazilian or hispanic or whatever are are so passionate and we're talking i'm talking about these are witches they think they're fucking. That when you're married to a woman like that, that like, that Giselle like gave him his life power. And now that he, now that they've broken up, they are, that he's going to like waste away

and whittle away. Dude, the argument will fucking, these just. No, no, no, no. This one makes more sense than the opposite. Because remember, it was the opposite for a while. That Giselle sucked all his life power out of him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he won three

balls and then there was a big lull. Yes, you're totally valid in saying fuck those people who said like Giselle was the problem and now the solution. I'm saying that

what's more logical? That this, just a middle-aged white man refuses to fucking age and somehow just gets better or

he has like dark, the dark arts on his side like you look at that man he should be you honestly i'm gonna answer what's more plausible i don't think it's gonna be what you want to hear i i think what tom brady has done has been is is is less probable than than witchcraft yes i mean you'll never see it again this will never happen again it's not possible for a 45 year old man who's played 20 fucking years to not get injured to never fucking torn acl one time fucking forever ago right also i think he's been at 1.7 years on the Injury report Yeah Questionable

Questionable with a shoulder Most of the time Yeah But yeah they were like Listen Wait so I had no idea Where you were going with that

So I was kind of like Jumbled So there's It is a thing In Brazilian culture That there are witches I don't know Oh

It's TikTok bro At USC I like took a Communications class, and they taught it as facts. Oh, okay. Yeah. There are witches, and these witches. USC diploma really doesn't mean too much, does it? They taught it as facts that there are witches. This was a communications class?

How did that come up? And somebody was like, are you saying that the witches are real? And they were like, that is offensive to question the witches. Because it's like pagan culture. We're not talking about Wicked Witch of the West shit. But yeah, Giselle is a Brazilian witch

who has been giving tom brady his life force and without her he will whittle away and and waste away and die i kind of like that i don't the uh it is dave's dave is like done like he is like anti brady he's just like why he's just like he's done he's like he's absolutely i mean i can say if you're making what i mean like for for you know like why now like it like you're telling me that he can't just, like, the next three weeks throw for, like, 600 yards and shove it in everyone's face again for the four millionth time? I think that's equally probable. I mean, he's clearly on his back nine.

Like, he's done. Well, yeah, Tom Brady himself wouldn't say that. But it's like he's been on his back nine for fucking a hundred. You know, he's been on the back hundred. It's just like, and he very well might be, but I'm just like, have we not learned our lesson that he might just rattle off

fucking six wins in a row? It is also, I mean, it's just the nature of the internet, the ebbs and flows of it, but when this divorce was first announced, which again,

it hasn't been announced. Tom Brady's going to play for 10 more years. 10 more years, six more Super Bowls. He has a bad week. Right. Was that last week?

They have not been playing that well, but him personally. He threw for like 500 yards. Was that last Monday? He threw for like 303. Yeah. So he had a bad – actually, I didn't see the game. Like how bad was he? Was it like – I also feel like his bad games aren't as bad as people say they are.

It's just like they're not Tom Brady. They're not Tom Brady. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah. It's the internet for you. I'm talking about ass. I have no idea what he did yesterday.

He could have had a dog shit game. How about this? We'll keep it moving here on One Minute Man. Dave Portnoy, he sent a message to Bob Craft, said, Congratulations. I assume that my invitation to the wedding got lost. Do you know about this at all? I know there was a massive wedding.

So he had a surprise wedding where they said they're having an event and then everyone showed up and they're like, it's our wedding. Yeah. So like Meek Mill is there. Elvin John performed. Dave said The picture of like the whole gang was fucking. Yeah. I mean,

they've got a lot of people there that are very cool people. He was like, it must be that I'm I have so many houses that they probably sent it to my mom talk house. I'm down here in Miami. It has to be that. I was like, do you think you're the only person with multiple houses to ever get invited somewhere, motherfucker? That is a good point. Everyone at that party has multiple houses.

I actually didn't say that on the rundown. I should have. I was just laughing at the fact. I said, please don't. It wasn't even like a regular rivalry with Dave. I was like, you shouldn't send that because you should have some shame. To just be like, I clearly was invited and you forgot, right? Just let the man fucking – don't put that man in that position.

I'm also like, it wouldn't have shocked me if Dave was there. That's what I said. I said, either way, you know, it wouldn't shock me that he's there. It doesn't shock me that he wasn't there. He was like, everyone on the Patriots got invited. I was like, you're not on the Patriots.

Like, I'm sure, he was like, how did that happen? I'm like, I'm sure there's some liaison that like, like his wife says, get all the people from the Patriots organization that need to be there. Invite them. And you're not on the team. I don't know. Fucking sorry, Dave.

But he did send an email. I was there? I must have really got there. That's wild. I didn't realize that. So this is, I forgot about this. This is the wedding that Brady skipped. He also just doesn't go to, he doesn't do Wednesdays anymore.

He's the Monday's off kid. But that was announced before the season. But I saw a tweet that Brady didn't do Wednesday. Brady didn't practice Thursday. Yells his own line now. And then a beat reporter quote tweeted, he practiced every single one of those days. Yeah, it's just not true. Yeah.

But whatever. I mean, this was, I think, Friday night. So he missed whatever Friday night. Had Sheeran in the house? Yeah, man. I wonder, are these people, is She Friday night, so he missed whatever Friday night. Had Sheeran in the house? Yeah, man. I wonder, are these people, is Sheeran there performing, or is he invited? I know that Elton John performed. Meek Mill, I would guess, was invited.

He might have performed as well. I bet all of those performed, because I think Meek Mill and Elton John did. Meek and Bob Craft definitely have some kind of relationship. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got him out of jail and all that shit. Yeah, he was a part of all that. So I could see Meek Mill just being invited, but I would guess the other two, like, you've got to play music first. Then you can hit the bar.

It's funny to think, like, Dave was, like, whatever about it on the rundown. But there was a moment, like, Saturday night, Saturday morning when he realized this, that he was like, what the fuck, man? Like, why was I not there? Have they met, like, way more times than I thought? I mean, obviously, there was Brady Belichick. He got invited. So I was making fun of him for it. I was like, why would you be there?

Like, you don't know his wife that well. And he's like, we went to dinner a couple times. Then he told me. Oh, wow, I didn't know that. He told me that he got invited to Bob Craft's house for a personal Rolling Stones concert. So I was like, okay. I think that was at Gillette. Oh, he made it sound like it was at his house.

No, I think it was his party because that was the Team Impact gal last year who was on the field at Gillette, and I believe I heard that tent was just left up on the Stones concert. Oh, okay. That makes sense. I could be wrong, but I think that. But he rattled off enough things that I was like, all right, you've been invited to a bunch of shit with Kraft.

And he was like, he goes, I didn't say it. He said Brady, Portnoy, Belichick. I didn't say it. Keeping with pop culture, Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez took a picture together. Fucking right they did. And the girls are just coming, bro. They are just loving it. Girl power everywhere.

Why? Because they don't like you. I'll tell you why. Alex Cooper. What? This goes back to Alex Cooper. Like a week ago, Alex Cooper had Hailey Bieber on her show and she was like, for the first

and only time I will address this. Even though she didn't. She never said Selena's name. She just kept saying his ex and the ex-girlfriend. I get kind of being like, I don't know, when I talk into a microphone I say my ex. I leave it a little bit vague.

But you'll know what I'm talking about. People know his girlfriend. That's good. But he has multiple girlfriends. True. But he's got one girlfriend. Yeah. So she was kind of like, yeah, I don't have any ill will with Selena.

It's not her job to police her fans, which is kind of bullshit, though, because then I saw a super cut of all the times Selena was like, don't do this don't like stop don't harass them blah blah it's like she did try to do it and then they were at some event together but this is like clearly you know for pr purposes that i'm sure they definitely don't like each other or like are like whatever with each other you know hayley looks a lot like giselle yeah she does so but this is this is what's fucked up. Oh, you Brazilian witch. So we're doing the rundown, and this is why it's just the worst to be a girl. So Dave's like, Hayley Beaver and Selena took a picture.

Hayley Beaver looked a lot better. Her outfit was so much better. Not a great angle for Selena. And Fran jumped in, and it was just like, well, this is what we do. Two girls took a picture. We immediately compare them and say who's prettier and who's uglier and who looked good and who looked bad. And now I'm sure they hate each

other because of how the internet's reacting, even though they had nothing to do with each other. But this is how it goes. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's wild. There are very few people. It's a short list of people. I don't think I've ever really seen Hailey Bieber.

She's a rocket launcher. Yeah, she done grew up. She went from, you know. Hailey, I apologize. I see you now. Okay. She's the one who Alec Baldwin called a pig, right? Or is that the other daughter?

Yeah. No, no, that's her. No, no, no. It's Hilaria, I think. No, no, Hilaria's the one. Ireland. Ireland, I think. Yeah.

Either way, Hailey, you are pretty. But there's very few people on the list. You know what's weird, though? If you said, I guess, pretty, this is what Fran's complaint was, the Kirk complaint was about the comparison. But I do think if you comment, this is a pretty picture, that's weird. Comment a bunch of fire emojis, totally fine. You're totally fine.

You're hot, yeah. There's very few people who just a picture of you can make waves. When Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were – Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were in the same room together. They had the hand-holding kind of deal. It was like, whoa. And I was going to do one Minuteman on it and try to think of what would be the guy version. Because, I mean, girls went nuts. You know what I mean?

And it was like, it's all like... I think I got it. The Rock and Vin Diesel? Yeah. But even that, I thought of that one. That's not even all that publicized. Yeah, that's very quiet. There's a couple rappers who you wouldn't expect to be together. There's a couple

athletes that maybe had beef or whatever, but just the presence, being in each other's presence. I hate that I'm about to say this. A big one was Brady and fucking Portnoy when they took the picture together at the Derby.

That was... And that's definitely... It's more local to our community. I was going to say, when you said the Brady Poore night picture, I didn't know what it was until you... But that, I mean, everyone was like, what the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, we have a smaller community than Justin Bieber does. So that's fucking wild. Wait, say that one. What does this mean? I wrote wild Wait say that one What does this mean? I wrote that down Because that one's

So crazy to me BTS The The band K-pop band Is going to the army They have to join the army And they've like

Agreed like We're gonna do it You have to I think otherwise You're like You're dead But I think you can be like I'm just gonna stay in America

Yeah yeah How about that Right right But it's also Not North Korea It's South Korea Well that. I'm calling South Korea. Well, that's, you know. It's a good Korea,

not the bad one. It's all the same. No, it is not all the same. If you gotta go to... That's actually two crazily different countries. But if you gotta go to the fucking army,

it's not like it's like, you know. But I think there are both of these... Greece is one too, right? They're very different, but they both suck a lot. Okay.

So I have to go to the South Korean. If you force me to go to the Army. I'd actually venture to guess the North Korean Army might be more fun. But like, I think it's only one so far who's committed. But the fact if you end up fucking, you know, Korea, I guess no Korea, like, I was thinking back to Greece and Yanis, where like, I don't think a Greek has seen actions in Troy. You might have to fight, you got a border, man.

Your neighbor's fucking problems. In the Designated Survivor episode, where the DMZ gets really infiltrated. It's a mess. Really, things get lit up. And let me tell you, if South Korea is depending on this, I don't like the chances. But can you imagine, like, you're at the demilitarized zone. You're staring across. Kim Jong-un's fat little stupid hat, always looking across with goggles.

And you're standing there, and you're like, is that the kind of fucking BTS next to us? Like, imagine America was at war. You're like, is that Justin Timberlake? Imagine you're in a fucking foxhole're in a foxhole with these guys. What's crazy, and maybe this is just because I'm racist, but I don't know if anybody distinguishes between any of these guys. I've never heard one person say the name of a person in BTS. I've heard a few of the names. I don't recall them, but I've definitely heard a few of them.

There's so many of them. Jin's the one going. Seven of them, but I've definitely heard a few of them. There's so many of them. Jin's the one going. Seven of them. Yeah. Their names are always trendy, and one of them kind of looks like a slur, and it always catches me by surprise. I'm going to get the BTS mob on my fucking case. Well, now at least them calling themselves the ARMY makes sense.

Let me tell you something. BTS stinks. These guys fucking suck. Dude, I strongly agree. And I'm not just... I disagree. What song do you like? Oh, I don't know.

Dynamite. Bang! Bro, these songs... Motherfucker had that on deck, but it was on the on-deck circle. These... We had a pitch hitter who came in, and he got a bloop single, but we got the hit. These guys suck. All of their songs suck And all of their features

That American people do It's good pop music No it's not I think it is I'm not going to say you pretend I've ever You've never put on one I've never put it in my Spotify But there have been times where I'm like, ooh, what is this?

BTS. But that's what I mean. So it's just whatever music. And all the American artists who do a feature with these guys, those songs are all fucking terrible. And they're just catering to a gigantic fan base that they want to steal away. Yeah. There's no like nobody cares about fucking BTS. I don't.

First of all, that's crazy. I'm saying a lot of wildly wrong things today. We have people in this room. You tweet BTS and it's viral. What I mean is these other artists aren't like, oh my god, I got to be in the studio with J-Hope, Jin, and Jungkook. They're just fucking like, we just need to do a song with BTS to get a billion Asians to listen to our music.

That's what they're doing. I would not have guessed these are any of their names. How about V? Jungkook, Jimin, J-Hope, RM, Jin, Suga, V. I wouldn't have guessed any of those. Jin, I probably would have. Jin is the guy, huh? Jin's the guy. I would have guessed Suga with that hair is the guy I would have guessed sugar with that hair

is like the standout one these guys stink man you're going to have a rough day on the internet tomorrow what else is new it's Tuesday dude no fucking kidding the Yankees are going to win don't you say that

don't you put that out there I need the Yankees to lose going to the army it's very funny that. Don't you put that out there. I need the Yankees to lose. Going to the Army is – it's very funny. This is very Buster Bluth-esque, like going to the Army. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way you put that. It's like going to the Army. I'm going to the Army, brother.

I won't be back. I think – I wonder – they're obviously going to get very special treatment and shit like that. But like I wonder – How that works. Like does anyone else in the army are they like fuck these guys yeah these guys stink or they're like

no these guys are the men these are like I wouldn't know how if I I would guess no think about if you sent NSYNC

to the army I don't think they'd be like fuck yeah guys if I was in the army with them I'd be like fuck yeah

what do you mean fuck yeah hell yeah this is dope dude yeah you're not in the army bro these are the guys who did bye bye bye

turn down the fucking Iron Maiden for a second and respect greatness Hell yeah, this is dope, dude. Yeah, you're not in the army, bro. These are the guys who did bye, bye, bye. Turn down the fucking Iron Maiden for a second and respect greatness. Oh, that was funny. That was fucking great. That was funny. Come see this guy live at fucking Caroline's, man. That clip of you talking about killing babies is so funny. We're putting our foot down and we're putting an end to this idea where you guys can just act like it's normal

that you all want to fuck serial killers. We're done. I'm fucking done with him! I asked Jackie the other day, I was like, do you find like, we were talking about a dog, and I was like, do you find like serial killers hot? And Jackie was like, serial killers?

Yeah. Yeah. Don't you guys wanna fuck Anthony Anthony? What? You wanna fuck Anthony Anthony, right? Well, that's a different story. Hey, you're the one that's a different story. I'm sure he's a dame. I don't want to fuck Casey Anthony, but I will. That's the difference. Now you fucking got about it.

You know, I just took a look at myself and I'm about gonna say, fuck girls. So yeah, we're done with that. You guys can't just be like, we love serial killers anymore. I mean, you can, but we're gonna call you Gracie. Also, by the way, Casey and I killed one. I killed one. That's not even technically a person. I've killed babies before. Sorry for being pro-choice, Andrew. That is, we have a clip right now.

That came out at the right time, just as I was leaving the country. Like, I'm not going to deal with any of this shit. Dude, that was, we usually don't put a lot of clips from our live show on the internet, because we can't. But that was a, that was so fucking funny. us just on stage screaming about how girls are so ridiculous because they want to fuck serial killers and then this girl just stopped us in our tracks going you said you'd fuck casey anthony yeah and we tried to spin it and we were just like nah that girl's got no but also if casey anthony was just going around killing adult men, I'd be more hesitant to fuck her.

I would be. I'd be like, I can take her. I'll fight her. If anything, you'd be like, I welcome the challenge. It's like, what's the movie? Fucking. Monster? No, no, no, no.

God damn, I forget her name. Black Widow type thing. Max Greenfield's in it. Yeah. Fucking. Dangerous Woman or something like that Yeah Dangerous Woman I think I don't think Adam Brody's in it

Yeah it is Promising Young Woman Good movie But like If there were rumors of this hot blonde Walking around fucking and killing people. That would be your dream. Yeah.

No, I'm just trying. You would definitely fuck that girl. I don't know. You'd be like, I get to fuck this hot blonde, and then also maybe my dream comes true. Like, she's going to slit my throat, though. I don't fucking know if I want to sign up for that. That seems like not a great way to go. Bro, that clip.

I mean, it was. You would have thought. She actually never kills anyone in the movie. I was going to say, you're thinking Gone Girl. No, no. I still fucking. I don't. I think she kills McLovin.

He's the first one? Yeah. The way they transition it, it's like there's blood, and then it looks like it's her... She's putting ketchup on a hot dog. No, I thought it was a red pen she's writing with. But that's the other thing, yeah. She has blue and red ink, and it's like, these are the guys that she let go, and they're in blue ink, and then there's red ink. It's like, I think that means she fucking killed them.

I mean, that would make sense. Yeah, right? That would be logical. It's like, you gotta kill somebody, bitch. But there's not an on-screen death, right? Right. It's all kind of, you know. Like an official on-screen death.

Right, right. But that clip, man, is so fucking funny. Go to our social. John, I killed babies. That doesn't even count as a baby. It was fucking hilarious. And we have another show tomorrow, which crept up on us real fast. What?

Wait, what? Yeah, it was show once. And we have another show tomorrow, which crept up on us real fast. What? Wait, what? Yeah, it was show Wednesday. Bro, didn't we? When I was on that call, weren't you guys like stay in London for the week? Bro, I don't know about that, but I said today. I mean, we probably forgot. Yeah, I said, I feel like we had a show two weeks ago. And Nick goes, we did.

It's like, fuck, what are we doing? It was like two and a half weeks ago in D.C. That was two weeks ago? It's like three and a half. But it's like, it's pretty close to two weeks. I was like, what? half weeks ago in D.C. That was two weeks ago? It's like three and a half. But it's pretty close to two weeks. Bro, I did like... We have a show. I'm learning right now we have a show on Wednesday.

Yeah. Yeah. So we got to sell some tickets or we got to do a show? So please go buy your tickets. We are going to have several people in the building that night that are kind of looking at things and talking about buying into things. So bring the heat, bring the noise.

Come out, see us Wednesday night. We'll take pictures with everybody. We'll do some drinks. We're also doing a $1,000 Halloween costume contest. So if you want to dress up, it's the funniest costume. I don't want you coming in and being like, I'm like Winston Churchill or something.

Actually, that'd be pretty good. That'd be pretty good. Yeah, that'd be pretty good. But I don't want you coming in and being like, I'm like Winston Churchill or something. Actually, that would be pretty good. That would be pretty good. Yeah, that would be pretty good. But I don't want you coming in. I don't want to have another fucking Avatar moment. In 2010, I threw a party at Saloon, and I said $1,000 to the best costume, meaning the girl who wears the least amount of clothes. And a girl showed up as Eve from the Garden of Eden, and she had a nude body suit on and a piece of green felt covering her pussy.

And I was like, you win. And there was this couple dressed as a full-blown fucking Avatar couple. I mean, right off the set of James Cameron. Blue fucking... They didn't look human. They had huge platform feet on, so they were like nine feet tall. They had like spears on, so they were like nine feet tall. They had spears and shields and shit.

I was like, what the fuck is this? And they were like, we have the best costume here. And I was like, I guess so. Yeah, right off the fucking Hollywood set, I guess it looks better. I agree. I was at this party. I agree they should have won. But that's not why we do this. I agree. I was at this party. I agree they should have won. But that's not why we do this. I know.

But also at that party, we barely interacted. Maybe we had met once. And I showed up as a rabbi. As a rabbi, yeah. The Jewish, yeah. And you just handed me a camera, and you're like, take pictures of people. Yeah. And I'm guessing you meant like, like tell them and stuff.

I was just like going at the people, snapping a picture. I don't think I ever even gave the camera back. I was going to say, I don't have any memories of going through the pictures being like these fucking suck. But that was, those were the days where this is like how much we're dating ourselves. Like we would put together a blog afterwards being be like here was our party at the bar here's what it looked like because we didn't go on social media and just like upload videos and pictures it was like you had to look at a photo dump from like from like flickr i have like a flickr account

remember that i mean it is some old school shit but i don't want to deal with that so i want either i mean you can dress fucking slutty again. I was thinking of it more funny. I think more funny. You can dress slutty if you want. I'll tell you what. If someone comes in a fucking authentic Winston Churchill hat, go for it. Yeah, that person will win.

Actually, you know what? I'm like really sold on this now. You know what? Right now, let's have a Winston Churchill contest. Who is the best Winston Churchill at the live show? We'll give out $1,000 to whoever is the most convincing Winston Churchill. How about that? Also, I decided we're going to do the golden ticket.

So one person from Wednesday night's show will win free tickets to New York KC Radio shows for life. That's a good one. Or any KC. If they want to travel, they can get tickets. I don't want to go down that road because then eventually we're going to be, you know, it has to be in New York. Yeah? Because, like, how often are we going to

come to a Phoenix show? Yeah, you're right. Okay. Alright, yeah, we'll extend it to everybody. If you want to come to an LA show, you can come to an LA show. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I don't think we're throwing a lot of money out the window there. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. We draw your name, you can come to our're right. You're right. You're right.

We draw your name. You can come to our shows for free for life. So it's like a – we were also talking about could we do a 50-50 rival. Could we do 50-50 rivals on our show? It's probably like illegal and probably I don't know if we can pull it off. But wouldn't that be awesome if we just had a big fat cash prize every show? I don't think it's illegal. I forget what the rule is. I don't think we can pull it off either.

But if it's just like you have to buy your ticket and then also there's like a $10 pot and someone's walking away with like $3,000 or some shit. That'd be cool. That would be very cool. Yeah. Yeah. It would not be 50-50. It would be 100% to them. I think it would be 50-50.

I was going to say a charity. Oh, I was going to say like the waitresses and like that. Oh, that works too. Yeah. I guess that is kind of charitable. Either way, it's going to say a charity. Oh, I was going to say like the waitresses and like that. Oh, that works too. Yeah. I guess that is kind of charitable. Either way, it's going to be a time. It's going to be a show. Get your tickets Wednesday night at Caroline's on Broadway.

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I'm sitting in sweat right now. It's my knees. It's fucking, I don't know, they just haven't dried or whatever. And I have an embarrassing thing to say. Oh, do you in the in the bathroom in the plane there's like a it's called like a clothing freshener or something like that

and it's like it's just to like freshen up your clothes and i was like i'm you spread it on your body i sprayed it no i fucking sprayed On my underpants I had it like Down my butt I was just like Like a Febreze bottle? No it's not a Febreze bottle It's like It's like a

Like a squirt bottle? See if you can google Like United Like the sun in bottle Like a bottle like that? It's a little Yeah no it's a pretty Comfortably sized to this

But like what kind of spray Is it what I'm talking Like what's the top like? It's like It's just Oh it's not Yeah it's one of those squirt squirt squirts? And it's like I don't know it's like called clothing freshener and I was like

my clothes are not fresh. I was wearing a dirty t-shirt because I only brought like two t-shirts the whole trip. Did you just even like I wouldn't even like pack them. You just leave them in the hotel and just go home? No. One was a Liverpool jersey and I wanted to bring that back and one dirty t-shirt over here. That's why I got in here and I changed to bring that back, and one, this is dirty. He's going to be here.

I got in here, and I changed. I was like, I have to put on new clothes. I actually was going to buy. I'm actually upset because I thought it would have been funny. I was going to buy clothes. I didn't have time in London, but I was going to buy clothes at the Newark airport. Just come in a Newark sweatshirt and Newark hat. But when you go through customs, it just spits you out. You don't like to see any show or any stores or anything like that.

But the other thing that happened on the plane I forgot about on the way home just now, they served shrimp. Like to everybody. Is that Chick-fil-A? Holy shit. Fuck. Oh my god. Oh my god. No, we'll eat the Chick-fil-A. What shit. Fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, we'll eat the Chick-fil-A. What the fuck? Bro, you are like a queen. How did you do this? Oh, my God. This is amazing. Wow. That was, I mean, this is amazing.

This is amazing. This is like the best thing that's ever happened to me. That was amazing. Did she know I was going to ask for food or something? I almost got insulted for a second. We started the show, he's going to want food. Come on. All right, we got to just pause for a second.

Yeah. Maybe they should just mute us while we eat. And it wasn't like it was an option and one psychopath could get it if they wanted to. Everybody was eating shrimp? I, like,

it was with the chicken dish. So I took a picture of it. It's like, I got, for the steak I had on the way there was genuinely the worst thing I've ever had in my entire life.

That was the most disgusting picture of food I've ever seen. Let me see it. Like milk steak? I think it was milk steak it was like it was it was do you know how bad something has to be for me to not eat it and and i didn't need it i took one bite and was like there's just no way i can continue eating

this um i wasn't even taking the picture i was taking a picture of tv actually the steak just happens to be in it um but. But then there's fucking... Then there's a shrimp where it was like, it's just a chicken dish and then the dish came with two fucking pieces of shrimp. So like, one,

you'd be a psychopath to eat shrimp on a plane. I think. And two, like, if you're... Like, if everyone on the plane

has shrimp on their plate, the plane smells like shrimp. Absolutely. Also, if you're like allergic to shellfish and shit like that. Oh, yeah. I guess I didn't even think about that. That's insane. It was...

I was like, wait. Wait, what did you say? Would you like chicken and shrimp? I was like, I'll just do chicken. It actually comes with both. This is the flight that left from London? This is the flight today, yeah. And the chicken actually was pretty good.

See, they're fucking weird, though. No, but it was a Newark-based airline. So I think it was... I don't think it was... Actually, no, I did get my snack with it was British toffee. Somebody just scored. Hell yeah.

Was it pasta? No, Jake DeBrusque. Yeah, no, no, I mean, there's certain rules that, you know, America abides by that nobody else does. Like, shrimp on a plane. No, we're not doing it. We're not fucking doing it. All right, let's get into these voicemails.

We got this kid in the woods. What's up? Kevin, Bites, Jackie, the rest of you guys. I'm out here on a tall boy walk with the boys, and we came up with a hypothetical for you guys. If you had to obliterate one season of holidays, which of the four seasons would you choose? If you take out winter, you're taking out both Christmas and Valentine's Day. But spring has St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo.

You got to think of every single holiday within the season. These guys are so fucking high and drunk. Which season has the most expendable holidays? Also, bro, he's 16. Yeah, I was going to say. This is some Andre drinking. You're drinking in the woods, you agile. I'll tell you exactly how many times I've drank in the woods since I turned 21.

Zero. Bro, bro. Look at the guy chugging whatever the fuck that is. Some tall boys. That kid's drinking like Steel Reserve. This is like I stole this from like the local gas station. These are the fucking boys. Oh, these guys are awesome.

I love these kids. What is he? Is that? Oh, it's a seltzer. That's fucking great. This is for sure promoting underage drinking. Yeah, man. That's how you get cool, bro.

We're promoting underage Robitussin tripping earlier, so I think we're taking a step up here. But I have a question before we get into this silly question where you forgot. Yo, look at these guys. These guys are so cool. With their fucking plaid shirt tied around his fucking waist, and everyone's got a mullet. This is guys being dudes. This is awesome. This is so cool.

But what's the deal with this haircut? It's awesome. But no, like Gordon Haywood just got it. It's a thing. It's not just this haircut. It's like half Peaky Blinders, half mullet, half bowl cut, also just like straight across the front. It is, I mean, I'll

shoot you straight. That is grotesque. It's so awful that it's cool, but it's not a good haircut. It is. No. It is a horrendous haircut. A kid drinking in the woods can have it. Gordon Hayward can't have this fucking haircut, dude.

Gordon Hayward, you're 40 years old, bro. This kid is fucking 14. I love it. These kids are so awesome. I want to be like Big Brother. I love it. These kids are so awesome. I want to be like big brother. I want to sponsor these kids. No, I want to be their little brother. Boy, can I just come do whatever you guys are doing?

Bro, my man said Valentine's Day. Also, here's the podcast we've gone through, like how it was weird when I would, as a child, would hang out with an adult who came out of the woods. This is the vicious cycle that happens now. I'm like, boy, can I come hang out in the woods?

You either die or live long enough to see yourself become the pervert. Bro, this guy said you can't get rid of the winter because you'll lose Christmas at Valentine's Day. Did not even, like, cracked a Day. He did not even crack a smile. He did not say Thanksgiving. He said Valentine's Day.

And then he brought up Cinco de Mayo. Is he going by actual dates kind of deal? Probably. And November's technically... Either way... I think he's going by quarters in school or something. If you're going by when winter starts, I've met Thanksgiving's fall.

Yeah, no, it definitely is. I think it's like late December is when winter starts. Yeah. So if we're doing that, but if you're doing that, then you got to go. Then summer has no holidays at all. You have July 4th, and that's it. And that's it, yeah. And I'm always quick to kick summer out of bed.

Me too. Fuck summer. Yo, summer holidays stink. All they do is they just make all of your hometown bars, all your beach bars crowded and shit. Yeah, that's true. Summer holidays suck. Every day. I like a barbecue on the 4th.

You can barbecue every fucking day. There's a different vibe. No, there's every fucking day. There's a different vibe. No, there's not. Nah, there's a different vibe. There is absolutely not. There's not a different menu, but there's a different vibe. There is no difference in a barbecue on July 5th or 3rd. Well, those are all July 4th weekend.

That's a cheat code. God, give me an October 12th barbecue. Different vibe. Of course. October is not the summer. God, give me an October 12th barbecue. Different vibe. Of course. October's not the summer. No, you said August. No, you said October. I meant August then.

August. The only reason that they're – the only thing I'll give you is that barbecues later in the summer, you're like, I'm over this. Yeah. But a barbecue in late June or early July or late July, all the same thing. I'm going to disagree with you on that one, but it is – What's different? I'm still – Yeah, yeah, you're going to give me something tangible.

It's just in the air, isn't it? You're going to drink beer and eat hot dogs and swim in a pool on a sunny day. That's called the summer, bro. The outfits. The outfits. You're so gay. A lot of people breaking flag code at a Fourth of July party. Wearing a fucking – We party wearing a fucking pants and shoes

getting a few beers in them and saying fucking Kaepernick I stand but the yeah it's summer I'll shoot you straight there's like two good holidays But the Yeah it's summer I mean bro I'll shoot you straight There's like two good holidays

They're both in winter Or I guess one's technically in fall And like Halloween's cool When you're young And when you party And then there's Thanksgiving Christmas And then the rest of the holidays

Like suck Yeah Like Cinco de Mayo St. Patrick's Day When you're young and partying Is cool too Yeah It means nothing now

Nothing I wouldn't give up the spring. I couldn't tell you last time I went to a St. Patrick's Day. I'm sure I've drank at St. Patrick's Day. But I'll keep the spring because for the days when you do party at St. Patrick's Day, it's one of the best holidays of the year. But now it's like whatever. Cinco de Mayo, I never really... I went one time to a Mexican bar on Marcus Vineyard, I think, on Cinco de Mayo.

Whatever, man. Maybe it's becoming a bigger thing in college now, but Cinco de Mayo wasn't a thing when I was in college. No. I mean, it was just like, we'll do some tequila tonight, like whatever. It was, but like bars didn't decorate. Maybe just because it was a real progressive college at Florida State. But it wasn't everyone in sombreros. Remember when we were like, this was recently.

Fucking maracas and sombreros. We were like, hey, hey. By the way, I was not in that day. I remember seeing all the pictures on Twitter. I'm like, is everyone in sombreros? Are we doing this? Is she doing sombreros? Fucking crazy, man.

If I'm being totally honest, I think you should be able to wear a fucking sombrero. Oh, so what? I don't think anybody actually cares about that except for white people. There's no Mexicans who are mad about it. Next up. I got a question for you guys. If you took every single time you've ever

been to your dog or had sex throughout your life so far and spent that time learning a skill or doing activity, what skill would you learn and do you think you would be a professional athlete? A professional athlete? Or is it added? Oh, well, either way. I would most likely be breaking 80 by now.

Let me know. No, no, no. I was going to say, like, I could, like, learn, learn like a little origami trick. We're talking about a lot of time right now. Oh, jerking off. Yeah, you are. Okay, never mind.

Okay, I was going to say. We're talking about a lot of time right now. I was thinking about sex for a second because I was like, but even still. I could probably be an astronaut. I'm the one saying dumb stuff today. Not you.

Even if you took, how long do you think an average jerk off session takes back in my heyday we were putting up numbers no you weren't i i would jerk off for 20 minutes half hour no you would absolutely dude on the regular on the regular yes i would have don't be wrong i'd still have like Medical transactions 30 minutes Yeah A full fucking Sitcom Comment Bro I think I was trying

To learn how to fuck longer You were edging yourself I think I was like If I fucking jerk off For a long time I'll be ready to have sex For a long time You're despicable

You disgust me I mean This kid The logic still checks out If I'm being honest How old were you talking That you were jerking off For 30 fucking minutes

College College Easy In college You were jerking off for 30 fucking minutes? College. College, easy. In college you were jerking off for 30 minutes? Fucking yeah, dude. What was your roommates doing? Jerking off with you? Bro, again, it was Florida State. We lived in a mansion. Yeah. We had massive apartments. It wasn't like you could hear each other's

rooms. I would say into my 20s. How many times do you think you've jerked off in your life? Started when you're, what, 13? Let's say you've been jerking off for 12. I started younger than 13. I mean, not regularly. Let's just say you've been jerking off for 20 years.

You're 33 now. Let's just say you started when you were 13, just for argument's sake. 20 years. How many times do you think you jerk off in a week? Let's call it. Let's say you go every day. So that's 365 times 20. Yeah. Bro, to average it out, give it in a week. Let's call it... Let's say you go every day. So that's 365 times 20. Yeah.

Bro, to average it out, give it two a day. Maybe three. Okay, so if you're doing it every day, you've jerked off 7,300 times. So 7,300 times. Let's say if you... Let's say...

There are plenty of days where I was putting up 10. Let's say you're Marathon Man over here. If you're not Marathon Man... But those days where I was putting up 10. Let's say you're Marathon Man over here. If you're not Marathon Man – Those days when I'm putting up 10, it's taking me 30 seconds. That's what I'm saying. So most of us are just – Number 10 is taking you 30 seconds?

I feel like that's the 30-minute one. Number 10 would take me 7,300 seconds. It would take me forever, dude. I would think that most of us are just getting the poison out. The rest of us, maybe a couple minutes max. Again, I was trying to teach myself to have sex. Get me a number of hours is what I'm trying to get to. You've probably jerked off for 608 hours.

Okay. So they tell you you got to do your 10,000 hours to get professional at something. So we're talking about 600, and that's if we do 30-minute sessions and we include 10 sessions a week. Yeah, I'm not even a novice. So I'm thinking 600 hours. To answer your question, sir, I wouldn't have learned calligraphy. Yeah, right. You can't learn anything worthwhile in 600 hours, I don't think.

600 hours is what? Like, let's say, how many? Is that like a series of television? Not even close. You can't learn anything worthwhile in 600 hours, I don't think. 600 hours is what? Let's say, is that like a series of television? Not even close. No, it's like... It depends on the series, obviously. But that's like... Usually you get like 100 episodes. So it would actually be a lot of television.

So 600 hours, you could learn... There's a medical Saul I committed like 50 some odd dollars You could probably learn Like to play An instrument Really shitty In 600 hours

Right You could You could be moderate At the ukulele Yeah Yeah There's your answer You could either

Fucking cum a bunch Or play the ukulele Yeah Choice is yours I'm happy with my choices Yeah for real Last voicemail today is brought to you by Ridge Wallet.

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KFC for 10% off your order right now. It's Ridge.com. Use promo code KFC for 10% off your order right now. It's Ridge.com, promo code KFC. What's up, guys? First time in a long time, even though I've done this before. Just going to act like the rest of the fan base is ignoring logic for comedy purposes, but I think we both know the answer to that question. Walking the dog, decided to take a seat because no one wants me heavy breathing during this entire thing.

I've got a question for you. I applied to a job a couple weeks ago, and pretty much it's a better job than everything I've got right now. Location, hours, benefits, longer-saving business, stuff like that. I said, fuck it, why not? They reached out to me about a week later, said, hey, we want to talk. Let's do an interview. Wanted to confirm a bunch of information with me. To their dismay, they somehow fucked up everything but the email.

Because they were just like, hey, Bradley. My name is Brett. We can reach you at this number. No, you can't. Pretty much, et cetera, et cetera. I'm not going to dox myself, but, you know, shit happens. My question, though, is I didn't give them a background check or a social yet. If you really want a good job and they accidentally get the wrong guy from their own mistakes,

do you lie about who you are just to get that job? Because I really don't know. They got the wrong man? about who you are just to get that job? Because... So this guy gets a random job offer. They got the wrong man? Is that what he's saying? That's how it started? Seems like it, but they just got all the information wrong. I mean, it was close. But did he apply, or did they just send him an email

being like, you got the job? He's like, what are you talking about? He applied. He applied. And then they sent it back to his... Okay, but let's run with this, though. If there was, like, you know, John Michael Feidelberg, and they sent it to John Henry Feidelberg,

and it's a job, you know, that's, like, better than everything you've got, would you take it? And it's something you can do. Like, let's say, you know, you're not going to, like... It's in your field. No, it's not. Let's say you're in over your head, but it's not like a doctor. It's like, I'll figure it out on the fly.

I'm going to make $100,000 doing marketing or something like that. I'll just figure it out. But it's more money than I've ever made. Would you do it? First of all, this is the plot of Orange County, basically. I was going to say, this is probably impossible to pull off, but it does sound like a movie. It's Colin Hanks?

You don't know that movie, Nick? No, I've never seen that one. I remember the cover with the orange glasses on the eyes. It's a great movie. I love Colin Hanks, too. Both Colin Hanks and his idiot friend apply to Stanford, and the college guidance counselor just sends the wrong transcript. Right, right, right. And his friend gets in.

If you could pull this off. No, his brother doesn't get in. All I know is this. The last thing I would worry about is the guy who got screwed over. Oh, yeah. I'd be like this. I'd flip him a fucking British bird.

Fuck you, this. I'd flip him a fucking British bird. Fuck you, man. Honestly, I'd love to say right now, I'd take it, I'd figure it out. I'm too big a pussy. I think I would take it and then be like, what's the worst that happens? I get fired from this job that I never wanted in the first place? I'd be very scared of getting caught and just being fired. I guess I could probably just throw my hands fired and being like i guess i i could probably just throw my hands up be like yeah what are you gonna do yeah but i don't think i'd do

that i think i would be like really embarrassed yeah and and would uh just not even put yourself out just not put myself in that situation i think i would i think i would take it i think i would you know it's it's again this is like silly i don't think it could happen because eventually they're gonna like you'd have to like make – you'd have to guess the correct fucking social security number or something, right? Yeah, how do you get paid? Right. How do I get paid? Like how did I start getting paid?

Yeah, you give your information and bank accounts. I gave my bank information? Yeah. It's not – But it probably doesn't – It's been 12 years. It probably doesn't have to do with social security numbers, though. No, it does for taxes.

Yeah, definitely. For taxes, it does. But like when we were getting paid under the table, you just gave Dave your address. Yeah, right. So like at that point. But for tax purposes, you have your ID,

you have your social security, which is linked to like your name. So if those don't match up. Is it a W-4 you have to fill out or some shit? What's that? You have to fill out like a W-4 or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like they'd get you.

But if he's, they just accidentally hired the wrong guy that they interviewed yeah like he could just be like oh that's just my nickname sure sure or whatever all my close friends actually call me brett yeah or like you guys just mix it up like uh you know you got the right guy but you just mixed up the name i'm bradley but i'm brad whatever and just try to fake fake until you make it this like kind of happened to me i when i was like when i was 15 i or like maybe 16 i like applied to a marketing internship no i wasn't 15 i guess i would have been like freshman year college and i applied to like a marketing internship and then and like again like i look like a little freshman and i show up and somehow i guess again, like, I look like a little freshman, and I show up, and somehow, I guess, I had gotten it. It was, like, a full-time, like, senior marketer or whatever.

So I was, like, sitting in the room. I had, for some reason, I was wearing, like, a skirt and, like, Converse and, like, whatever. And there were all these people in, like, black, like, it was. Wait, you were, like, what room were you in? You were in, like, a boardroom? Like, you were in a meeting? I was in, like, it was in, it was just, like, a waiting room with, like a waiting room with this really intense CEO or whatever. This is like some Ferris Bueller's Day off shit or something.

Zach Morris. The youngest was probably a 30-year-old. It was 30, 45, all these women and men or whatever. And I'm just this little 15-year-old or however old I was. And then I had to sit in front of the CEO. And he was like, so how old are you? And he was like, and then he went on the whole thing. He felt bad that I had, so then he thought, maybe I'm a genius.

Yeah, yeah, Dewey Houser or some shit. She was like, how the fuck did she get through? And he was like, he said some marketing term, and he was like so how do you like upscale the i don't even know and i was like i would post it on social media would you know really do hashtags i didn't get the job at all that That's amazing. That's fucking great. Did you ever figure out what happened? Did somebody mix it up? No, I don't know.

So you were interviewing or you got the job and they were like, wait, never mind. I got to the next round of interviews. But I obviously should not have gotten to the next round of interviews. It was a big deal. Senior marketing position. All right alright interview time we got Eliza Schlesinger on the show I can't say her last name

because I have a fat tongue but she came back through to promote her new special and her new book out at the same time which is some boss shit right there you'd be killing it on Netflix and have your own novel that she wrote herself, not a novel but a memoir that she wrote herself

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Whatever the reason may be. I'm concerned with what's going to happen to me when I get home. No, but I'm not tired. We have a big day tomorrow, right? Yeah. Fuck. Also, John, you don't know this because it's not on the calendar. We have a 1 o'clock.

No, Kevin. Okay, cool. I know that. But I'm like, am I going to go home and just stay up until 3 a.m. and then fall asleep for 12 hours? I don't know what's going to happen. We'll find out. If you're out of Helix bed, you're going to pop on that bitch

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It's Eliza on KFC Radio. Let's talk to her. What's up? Hi. How are you guys? What's going on? How are you? What's up?

Good to see you. Hey, man. Oh, my God. It's been, what, like, two years? Yeah, for real. We're going to put you around here. Hi. Hey, how's it going?

That's Nick and Mike. We're in New York. What's up? What's up? How you doing, dude? I'm good. I'm great. Yeah.

What are you thinking? What's on your mind? You sound like you're... No, I just did the Twilight Zone version of your show in the other room. Different vibe. Different vibe. Which one? Super fun.

The big gay one. Oh, I'm about. This is actually the big gay one. They had to take our crown for the big gay one. It's a tiara. Yes. I think they probably have taken it. I think they beat us. It took some work. We can all be a little gay.

They made out on stage. Everybody's a little gay. That's for certain. I like that. That's fine. I actually just bought three shirts that say, sounds gay, I'm in. I love that. I think this, like. That's what you want.

Yeah. I think straight guys, like, co-op, like, being like, I'm so straight that, like, I'm so comfortable with it. Well, we just had Steve-O in here from Jackass. Yes. We have the same publicist. I said that he and all his cohorts made being gay allowed and funny. Before that, it was like, this is fucking gay, man. I'm not doing it.

For sure. When I watched the movie, I remember when I was a kid watching it, and they would be in thongs. It was funny, and none of them were threatened by it. It's like, that's the way to be. They're the best. For sure. It's like, we're just going to touch each other's dicks and stuff. It's not gay, man.

It's totally normal. Because no matter if you're gay or straight, dicks are so gross. So just go crazy on them. I don't quite get that. I was just watching another podcast of ours here, two girls talking about dick pics. And they said they don't like them. And I can understand not liking an unsolicited one, of course. An airdropped one on an airplane.

Yeah. But if it's with the person you're having sex with you don't you don't like his dick at all no it's not about that it's not about that i mean yeah you might be like oh this is because you like the person it's about like let me see it's not about like oh is it big it's like i want to make sure this thing isn't weird looking yeah so it's like you're like oh babe it's so hot you're like does it have a tooth like you want to make sure that it's something that you could be yeah it's not about like the size no no you're not turned on at all from your husband's dick it's not about that and we're talking about well that's no no no it's not that it's uh at that age like when you're doing it like it's more chemical versus like we've

been married we've had a baby so i'm not like oh my god that i've seen thank you so much uh but when girls and by the way like sometimes I think girls to get back at men for the pain they've caused they're like it better be a big dick like five inches is fine like I'm not trying to burst a kidney

like that's fine like what are we doing like eight inches you're gonna die you're going to die in a straight man's bed you know what's funny it's like

if you go if you go to the doctor you go to the OBGYN and they shove something eight inches inside you you're like oh this is the worst can i tell you as someone who's had to have their uterus flushed with water the most painful they did give me some valium but it was horrific they just blasted there's all kinds of i had like i had like a procedure and then even when i had the baby you want to hear something fucking gnarly i had something you're like not really

you have to be dilated to a certain centimeter to begin the birth process and i had in i was induced and so they had this thing called a foley balloon and if you're i was only at like one centimeter and you can't start to go into labor until you're at like eight so you have a long way to go it is a balloon you up that they put in your cervix and it is not that big it was i would rather give birth without drugs that have that in your cervix and it is not that big. It was, I would rather give birth without drugs than have that in again. And they gave me fentanyl

and I was like, and they gave it to me and I was like, this is how people lose their family. I get it. And then I immediately was like, get this fucking out of me.

And she's like, your birth's gonna take longer. I was like, well, take the scenic route. I cannot. Some women can do it. Holy balloon.

They didn't just do like Pitocin or whatever? You have that, but then there was this. Oh my God. Nobody cares. They're like, what's gonna be the worst for you and so just letting you know that's the worst that was the worst and i was they bring out a foley balloon start causing chaos just know it by the way dr foley what a fucking let what a legacy he left obviously i just blast open girls pussies you ir, you Irish bastard. Thanks for this. How old is your kid?

Like almost one? No. She's almost, she'll be nine months old in like two days. Well, yeah, it's almost one. Sure, we can round up. She's just a little girl

with a grown man's head of hair. Yeah. Like it looks like she robbed him. I was giving birth and the doctor goes, okay, she's like, I see a lot of dark hair. And I was like, what?

Whose is that? Why is it not highlighted? With like a blunt cut. Anyways, she has like a little wig. How has that been? She's great. Yeah. It's fucking dope.

Yeah. She's the best. It's so fun. I also have full-time help. I was going to say. You got to. When people say that, it's like, yeah. Do you have kids? Yes, I have two. have two okay yeah so you know yeah but um we have a great nanny but um you know i i have since look at the your whole face like that thousand yards

there like we're calling nam you're like it's uh i have since very much uh flipped on night nurses and multiple nannies and all that shit. Like, I was very much like, you have a nanny that comes at night, like, to do all the work for you? Like, it's your kid. You got to wake up and do it. And then I'm like, fuck that. Who cares? Like, as long as the baby's taken care of, especially when they're like baby, baby, babies.

There's no award given. Who fucking cares? There's no one's like who breastfed best, who slept the most. It doesn't matter. Most people are assholes. Most people are assholes. Most people are assholes. The people who do that, they can suck a dick. But the normal people don't care.

They sound bored. Yeah. No. I'm very private about her. I'll show you a picture later, but we don't post her face online. Smart. It's such a special thing. Yeah, I blasted my whole family out there.

It was not a good idea. No, it's super. Learn that lesson the hard way. You're not, I guess, especially as a girl. And she's a girl. I don't need some creep out there. Yeah. Yeah.

I never even like considered that stuff at first where it was like, there's probably a million people looking at it being like, oh, cute family. And then there's a couple of people looking at it like, oh, cute family. I will say this, like I try to like abstain from like the judgment Olympics. And so I never post her. I posted a picture of her. You don't see her face, but she, I was showing like, wow, she's so young and she's standing and all the comments were like, you need to raise your crib she's gonna wait they were totally right i didn't know

i was like thank you so much for that feedback now we're closed you went through that right with like car seats yeah like the car seats not fucking it doesn't ever they're so spite it's like she got a winter coat on it's not fucking fit perfectly. That's such a 60s dad. You got a coat on. It should be fine. That'll be your airbag. There's two things that I really didn't know about fatherhood or parenting. You don't know any of it, but you get a general vibe.

I did not know that you have to start paying tuition right a fucking way now. To get them in. Just that they start going to school at like zero years old. Oh. I was like, hey, like pre-k. I think that's a New York City thing. Maybe that's the case. My kids were in school. I was paying tuition at like two.

They were going to school for like two hours a day. And I was like, and I'm getting, you know, please pay tuition. And I was like, what? That's just a fancy word. Yeah, but it's a lot of fucking money. It is, especially in New York. I did not know that you have to be in a car seat now until you're like 19. Yeah.

It's crazy. Because I kept saying like when they don't sleep, you're like, I just want to get to the level where they can finally sleep. I want to get to the level where they can feed themselves. And I was like, I want to get to the level where you can just like open the car door and they get in themselves. And it's like, they still can't. And they're not going to be able to.

Yeah. You go from a car seat to a booster seat to a da, da, da, da, da. And it's, yeah, can't and they're not gonna be able to yeah you got a car seat to a booster seat to a and it's yeah she's still no shit she's like nine i think you can almost drive yet i think some people just like just get oh yeah you know i mean and then i think about like the way we grew up i think when i was my daughter's age i was sitting i'm sitting shotgun shifting for my yeah my mom used to let us you know my mom used to let us sit in the back seat

where the feet go on the floor and I would say like, can I make a cat bed? And she would let us put a blanket there and just, not going very far

but that was the cat bed. Imagine if you, God forbid, got in a horrific accident and you were like, well, you know, she was in the cat bed so she's mangled.

She was in a winter coat. It should be fine. That's great. Well, congratulations. That's awesome. She's mangled. She was in a winter coat. It should be fine. That's great. Well, congratulations. That's awesome. She's the best. And now, is this your first book? Second book.

Second book. Look at you. I promoted the first book here. Did you? Yeah. Well, you got the book and the special out, right? The book and special came out today. I don't know if this is live.

I don't really know. This will be next week. Okay. The book and specials out. Doesn't help the algorithm, but okay. They came out the same day, and the special's called Hot Forever, and I'm really proud of it. I love the pants that I wore in it.

The material's fucking fine. That looked cool. Thank you so much. You've always had very jump out type fits. Yeah, thank you. Not in real life. In real life, it's like baseball hat, let's get this done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're on stage, and then the book is, this is the book. It's a collection of personal essays did you write yourself yes I did fully fully cool

fully fully I'm kind of an asshole about that no no no when I see like blah blah blah written by like right and this person I'm like

well then that person wrote it no that's those are my full essays I worked I had a great editor but I wrote this whole thing this is all me all my writing so for better for

worse and uh and it I think I mean we learned through doing blogging that like if you're an asshole if I wrote this whole thing. This is all me, all my writing, so for better, for worse. And it – I think – I mean, we learned through doing blogging that, like, if you're an asshole, if you're, like, a stickler about, like, proper writing, you suck. Like, most people need – We need to have standards. Well, I mean, I agree with that, but, like – Oh, I disagree with that.

Not everybody. I'm an anti-standards guy. I guess – I don't know. I guess if you – Like, I've never used an apostrophe In the last ten years Well that's Really unfortunate I'm sorry

Because then Everything's just plural No no I mean It's just Don't put the fuck In apostrophe You know what

The word is Do we I don't know I can figure out What don't is If there's no apostrophe I know what you're trying to say But I think there's plenty

Okay well And then there's Making it possessive But that's also What an editor's for Just to make sure Because I think I know a lot of those rules And then she there's making it possessive. But that's also what an editor's for, just to make sure. Because I think I know a lot of those rules. And then she, like, goes and fixes all my colons.

And I'm like, I did graduate high school. Like, it is humbling. A colon? You got colons in this book? There's colons. There's semicolons. Whoa! A semicolon!

The entire book is called... A semicolon! What is a semicolon? I mean, I know what it is, but where do you use it? I don't know. That's why... That's why... So it's not necessary. A semicolon, no,, I know what it is, but where do you use it? I don't know. That's why. That's why.

So it's not necessary. A semicolon, no, is for if there's a list. No, that's a colon, I think. No, no, it's both. I don't know. A colon to me is like announcing something. Like blah, blah, blah. Like EG. The thing.

And then I don't know what a semicolon is. Let me just explain this. This book's called All Things Aside. I call it All Things Aside because when I I read I hate a footnote I never want to stop where I am go to the bottom read the thing and then pick my place up I think if it's important enough to say I don't like a pithy footnote I don't like it when it's like and by the way the picnic was never that good yeah I think it's important to say stick it in the book and so what we have here if you

see it's formatted this is the essay and then the indentions are all my personal like and by the way I wouldn't buy that anyway so it's called all things aside because I'm giving you

these asides no fucking footnotes the word sorry also never appears I feel like you earmarked it but I also think you accidentally didn't no no no

okay great and then I even we play a lot with the formatting very E.E. Cummings it's a lot of fun to look at so I'm very proud of the formatting well the reason why I earmarkedings. It's a lot of fun to look at. So I'm very proud of the formatting. Well, the reason why I earmuffs is because I like this part.

Thank you. You said, on our honeymoon, we did drugs the adult way. We got up, had breakfast, worked out, and then took them dead sober in the middle of the day. That's very, that is very. It was mushrooms. It was mushrooms and like a little bit of Molly. Yeah, because then you go on to say. It was a wedding gift.

We took some kind of pills, the same kind of pills. So you just took some mushrooms and Molly and went on a walk and had the fucking time of your life. Did you finish the challenge? And then you tried again and not so much. It was basically about how like you can never recreate like good things. And we did that and then we went back years later, took it again, didn't kick in until I was on the toilet. And it was, gentlemen gentlemen i'm glad to say this in front of two men the greatest shit anyone has ever taken or will ever take just like have

you ever shit a pure rainbow and any negative iota adam just out and i was just like what is love and and i crawled onto the bed and then I just laid there like sipping a root beer it was religious your dad thinks he's taking a great shit no not like me read that book I'm I'm really pretty positive you don't know this video do you know who George Brett the baseball player is yeah okay he's a baseball player yeah he he went viral like a long time ago he was miked up at spring training And I don't think he either knew or cared And he just for like 12 straight minutes Describes the most perfect shit

That he took He goes I took the most perfect double tapered shit And the rest of these guys Are like stretching getting ready for the day Probably being like I gotta make the team So like I can feed my kids And George Brett a retired superstar is like I shit last night and it was great.

Little did they know the tryout was just listening to him talk about his shit. And if you're not turned off, you made the team. You made the Mets. Whatever. I don't know what that is. That's funny. That, though. I mean, shitting on drugs.

It's just one of the essays in this book. There's a lot of things to win. But I always want to include men because I don't believe – I don't subscribe to this type of feminism where you act like men are idiots. It's so silly. There's a lot of generational stuff in there, just being an elder millennial millennial and just talking about nostalgia, the commodification of it online. Did you do, am I making this up, the trailer for Hot Forever? Yes. Can we pull it up? Is this that kind of show? Is this that kind of show?

Is this that kind of party? I have it here. Not even the trailer, but the artwork. It looks like the now music, right? Okay. I wasn't. Yeah. Okay.

I wasn't. Now that's why. And I was just like, real ones now. Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean, that was like the first thing that jumped into my mind. We were scrolling through all.

I wanted it. And there's so many now. That's what I call music. So we were just sitting there scrolling through, like volume 80, and I was just like. Have they hit 100 yet? I think it's beyond that. Beyond that? Whoever's still buying a CD of Mambo No. 5.

I think so, for like analog folks. New music? I don't know. Because what would be on now? Now you can call this music or whatever. A lot of Jason Derulo. Yeah, like Maroon 5, maybe like A B-track Gwen Stefani song I don't know what's on

Yeah It now But that was I just think I like that As you get older The only benefit Nostalgia plays

Is the nostalgia And connecting with people Of your generation Like you and I Could be miles apart On a ballot Or a country But like

Yeah yeah We both remember That show Or yeah Snick I don't know if I'm sure nostalgia plays For everybody

It would be silly To think otherwise But I also feel like You like grew up in the 90s and early 2000s. I feel like we all like connect to that like so much or so. Well, we connect to that. Oh, here's why. I'll tell you why. Yeah.

Yeah. Probably the Internet. We connect to it because in particular, there's our group is like we're the ones that are like parents now homeowners. You know, we're not quite middle age. So we're like at the top of the game, whatever. Everything is about getting our money, marketing to our nostalgia. And everything feels so shitty now. We are we weren't done being young and the pandemic hit.

Like, I don't know if you're like me, but I'm like, I was just I just had my youth here. Like what happened? And we weren't done with it. And we're the first ones to really demand quality, like the hipster movement, all that stuff, was us being like, no, we want farm to table. We want an experience. We want better than we had.

And everything feels so shitty now, so we look to the internet for nostalgia so we can feel comforted and go back to a time when you felt safer. I love that shit. And your parents had the credit card and you didn't know how to vote. That's what it really is. It's like you just didn't have a fucking care in the world and we missed that because the

world is just so scary now and it's so different because of the internet and so i talk about that a lot and just like the distinct memories it's not that they're better than anyone else's they're just ours yeah this is our time to talk about them i i do though i do i do think um they're better though i don't know. I'm the old man who's like, no, no, no. No, it was better. Did you really think having- The music was better.

The TV was better. Was the music better? It was better. It was better. The fashion wasn't. It absolutely was better. Like what? The music?

Like what? Compared to now? Like when? If you compare all of hip hop then to now, no doubt. Come on. Come on. You listen to new rap and like it? I'm very cool.

You listen to trap music and you enjoy i'm very you listen to like trap music and and you enjoy it i'm a trap queen no i don't like trap music but you know i think hip-hop now is miles ahead of where it was and you cannot here's the thing though you cannot oftentimes in your mind you can't separate the quality versus the the nostalgia yeah yeah you know and there are plenty of rap songs like i'm done i'm done done hearing Notorious B.I.G. Like, I'm done. It never felt good in the first, like, it's been played too much.

Red Hot Chili Peppers, like at one point I was like, this is fucking good and now I'm like, under the bread. Also, I live in L.A. where K-Rock like plays it nonstop. I think sometimes

there's some things that will, you will remember dancing to Tootsie Roll at like a middle school social forever, but like that was not an empirically great song. It was just an experience that was happening. Well, now I also say I loved listening to

this artist, but back then, now I listen to it while I'm changing diapers. And that shit sucks. To my daughter, I'm like, bend over, touch your toes. Shake it. That is weird how that kind of music becomes like for kids

yeah so tame yeah ying yang twins were dirty dirty dirty dirty many of these men

that are rappers like have murdered people and now we're like kids cartoons I just watched a video this morning it was one of those silent raves

where everyone's wearing headphones yes and they were playing get low so like everybody's got the headphones on just screaming.

Till the sweat drops down my balls. Yelling it out in a public park. All these bitches cry. It was amazing. Yeah, it feels tame, considering how things are more sexually evolved now. But that's just the way music is. They thought Elvis Presley moved his hips too much. So the truth is, we're getting older.

Yeah, that's really it. We're all just going to die soon. God willing. Hopefully not soon. Well, not before you buy the book. How'd you do the, I mean, was the book and the special

at the same time or was the special done one time ago? I filmed the special in July, so a couple months ago in Cleveland, Cleveland, Ohio. And the book,

in the underrated city, I think. I like Cleveland. Yeah. You don't seem to agree so much. No, I mean, look, I was glad that we shot it there. You chose to do your special there. There's something to be said. The second you land, you're like, would you like to seem to agree so no i mean look i was glad you chose to do your special there's something to be said the second you land they're like would you like to go

to the rock and roll hall of fame we have the passes uh the crowd was great and that's what mattered and it's always been a good comedy city uh and the book i pitched it in the pandemic and i finished finished a couple months ago like because you go through editing and and drive and read and looking at everything so what was that um several months ago was that a actually i have no i have no concept of time now that i've had a child i don't know when it is did you um did you do it because of the pandemic you were like i'm sitting here i might as well do it or were you yeah we're the pandemic and you couldn't tour and everyone's like just take a beat have time for yourself i'm like you take time for your fucking self i'm gonna write something i'm an artist for you though because a lot of people

said that shit and i even said like'm going to do this and that. And we did a couple things, but a lot of things didn't do. Well, it was a big message. It's the perfect time to write a book. It really is. It was a big message to women. It was a lot of gaslighting. Like, you don't have to do everything.

Take time. I'm like, when this thing fucking ends, you're all going to have shit. And you will have told me to hibernate. I'm not doing it. I just, I like to create. And I like writing. And I had written my first book, which was more of like a a long paper and I had been reading a lot of personal essay books and I was having trouble finding myself in other books I was having trouble everything for women is about murder everything is like we love it i think it's i mean you like what you like it's crazy but it's fine but i think it's crazy how much we just accept that it's like what's your interest it's like a

mass murder that's because none of you know anyone who's been murdered and if you did you would not be like consuming this while you're masturbating drinking wine and i talk about it in the book everything's like everything's like have a friend who gets murdered this way and then see if you think it's fucking funny what i i would go online at night and I would read blurbs on Amazon, like trying to find a book for me. And it's not to say that there aren't awesome books out there, but everything was like, when her sister was murdered. When a ghost of a woman, when a hot girl goes missing. When her hands go missing and she loses her hand, but her sister is a hot detective. And for women, it's always about a beautiful woman being taken from the world.

And men's books are always like when Trent McFist is called back to the White House at 80 for hand-to-hand combat. And so I just...

You're just like the Olympus is falling. I was going to say. You say, Gerard Butler. Sorry, Gerard Butler. He's totally still fuckable. And so I was just like,

I just want to write. I had written... I had read other people's personal essay books, and they were people who weren't like me, but I so enjoyed existing in their brain for those pages. So I was like, I'll just write a collection of essays. So they just range in topics, and I just had so much fun doing it. Yeah, it's cool.

I mean, we've talked about doing a book forever. I wrote one page during the pandemic. Remember how bad it was? I read it on the podcast. I had to do it in an accent because I was so embarrassed about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really bad. Colons? No colons? No colons. It's just one brought on sentence. Like, dear Domino's, I ordered a

complaint letter to a male Domino's. You got me pegged. You have said several things right now. I had Domino's for dinner last night. Oh, no! Do you have a woman in your life? No. Okay. She would put an end to that.

Oh, no. I want to hug you. If the Domino's offends, you know, last week's dinner, I would have. It was. Is it even pizza? Is Domino's? No, it's different. It's Domino's.

I actually agree with that. That was the most sincere thing. When I want pizza, I don't Is Domino's? No, it's different. It's Domino's. I actually agree with that. That was the most sincere thing. That should obviously be your slogan. When I want pizza, I don't get Domino's. It's different. It's Domino's? Their slogan should be like, it's not pizza. It's Domino's.

I thought that was. You made that up. No, I made that up. Yeah. It's different. It's Domino's. That's the. That one's for free, Domino's.

We legally cannot call this pizza. Right, right. They throw that sand all over. Wait, aren't they the ones that have special chicken? I got the chicken last night. Who the fuck came up with that? What? Somebody got paid a special chicken.

It's just chicken on parchment paper like a special. Well, thank God for them. Because it gets me through a lot of that. That's fair. You want the protein. You don't want to deal with the bread. That's the healthy part. Yeah, yeah. That's when you're on a diet. It's thed. That's fair. You want the protein. You don't want to deal with the bread. That's the healthy part. Yeah, yeah.

That's when you're on a diet. It's the chicken. It's different. It's Domino's. Do you eat? Write that down. Your husband's a chef, right? Yes.

So is it always like bomb ass meals? He does a beautiful job. And he really, some chefs, they don't like cooking at home. They eat a lot of eggs. He makes like. They eat a lot of eggs? Yeah, he eats a lot of eggs. He is also a cookbook author so he's and that means

he writes for other chefs so we're he's always recipe testing well like they'll write the recipe he'll be like let me test it to make sure the lay person can read this so we're always he wrote kevin blood so's barbecue cookbook you did it right so we had that oh we did it right and he does we do his his cookbook uh come it's called the don't panic pantry cookbook and it is available for pre-order and it's we did a cooking show in the pandemic every day of the pandemic called don't panic pantry and he got a deal with knopf and it is a gorgeous cookbook that's awesome and every guy should get it and it's like lovely so every night you're eating like good a lot of a lot of vegetable forward things i actually i, I'm a barbarian. Like I would eat turkey.

I would eat special chicken. Like I would eat turkey out of a bag over the trash. We had a question. I take turkey in bags. Did I marry the wrong man? Is this why we're here? It was actually ham. Like I'll eat a whole bell pepper and just be done for the day.

That's, you know, better for Mars, better for Venus. You have the ham, you have the turkey, it's all good. Too many nitrates. Because if you want the turkey, he'll have the ham. He'll come into the kitchen, he'll be like, did you eat? And I'll just be like, yeah, I ripped a hunk of bread and I found some celery and had some orange juice.

He's like, that's not a meal. We have a question that we always ask, would you rather have a masseuse, a chef, or a driver? Like a personal driver as your significant other. Chef. Because I have an assistant and it's LA so you're trying not to go that far. And a masseuse like if you get one every night it's kind of like alright that's gross. Yeah. You're going to be too

like jelly. Also yeah there's got to be a chef. Well we all kind of agreed that the best thing for you would be because you eat. It tastes good right but it's good for you. Sometimes he shames me because I eat so much fruit. And our baby nurse also eats a lot of fruit. And he's like, you guys are like two fruit bats.

Dried mango is really expensive. And I eat it like my life depends on it. You know that? Yes, I do. You eat dried mango? I like dried mango, yeah. Out of all that, you sprinkle in some dried mango? I get a bag of dried mango and I get a bag of beef jerky.

There you go. What? What? That's actually my airplane snack. Beef jerky. Wow. that's airplane snack but you gotta go pure beef jerky not flavored like I never want no I get this the sweet and smoky I think it is sweet and spicy that one's good what brand what brand you working with I go Jack links yeah you got yeah I took it alone to get it Elon I feel like Jack links are like Really nice dog food

Like it could be Really nice dog food You're probably right A lot of things We eat are dog food That's true How's your dog She's gorgeous

She's on the back Of that book Is she She's on food right I don't know how old she is Was this staged Picture where you Like let's do a picture

Where you can like See us from behind I wanted to do that That is how I was dressed Like it was just like I had just had the baby And they were like We need the cover now So we got that that is how I was dressed like it was just like I had just had the baby and they were like we need the cover now

so we got this big dress we tapered it so it was staged but that is how we were taking some pictures I wasn't sitting though I like Sharon Stone's note send me a copy of your book

and I'll read it and she texted that back and I was like can I use that she was like sure I'm like I hope you know you agreed to this I have it in text

but everybody else that blurbed it was very generous with their time that's awesome and so I'm like, I hope you know you agreed to this. I have it in text. But everybody else that blurbed it was very generous with their time. That's awesome. And so I'm just really proud of it. I think it's the book we all need. Yeah. So do you think like – so you got the special out at the same time. Are you like torn between the two at all?

Those are two major things to have out. The truth is it didn't both because they were both set to come out around each other, but you can't get good press within two weeks. Like, you can't go on the Today Show and then two weeks later go back on.

Like, you can't do Jimmy Kimmel and then go right back on unless you're like Tom Cruise. So we're like, let's just do a double dose, a booster, a shot in the booster.

And so we did it all at once and that's just the way that it is. So I'm happy to promote both. Eliza all over the place right now. Yeah. She's all up in your shirt.

Mostly right here at Barstool Sports. Let's go. Getting free t-shirts in the lobby. You guys want a bracelet? Sure. They said, the gay guy said you would wear bracelets. Yeah. No, they were right.

You're going to take them right off your arm? Yeah. I wear them anytime I meet a girl that's like a fan. I give her one. And so it happened at dinner. Can we qualify enough? Yeah. Here, you can have this one.

Hell yeah. Well, let me see which one I like better. Oh. Oh. Yeah, you're getting that one. Nice. No, I like this one. Thank you very much.

I get nervous for guys because I'm afraid, like, it's too – is that too tight for you? Yeah. Sweetheart? No, I got a little dainty wrist. Okay, good. Yay. We love it. Thank you for the bracelet.

Thank you for coming. You got time to do a video? Yeah. We're going to answer the internet? Have you done it before? Yeah. Yeah, you did it before, right? We'll go next door and do that. Wait, can I sign off? Yeah, yeah. It's time to do a video? Yeah. We're going to answer the internet? Have you done it before? Yeah. Yeah, you've done it before, right? We'll go next door and do that.

Wait, can I sign off? Yeah, yeah. It's different. It's Domino's. That is a great button. It's so good! សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. you