KFC Radio - Feits Threw The Worst Halloween Party Ever Ft. Kim Congdon and Sara Weinshenk

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

- KFC had a legendary Beast costume - Feits, Pavs, and Jackie went to the Jets Pats Game - AITA - Not taking my kids trick or treating because of a steep hill - Feits' threw the worst Halloween party ever - Texas A&M has yet another ridiculous tradition that needs to be stopped - P Diddy Took Halloween Too Far - Kanye West and Antonio Brown had Unintentionally Hilarious Videos - Jake Paul Beat Anderson Silva and KFC is not impressed - Video Voicemails - last person you touched - vibrator song - difference between sex with a woman before and after pregnancy 01:51:24 - Kim Congdon Interview Preview 01:58:32 - Sara Weinshenk Interview Preview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - KFC's legendary costume 13:59 - Feits at the Jets Pats Game 36:28 - AITA Halloween 49:36 - Feits' Terrible Party 59:02 - Texas A&M has another ridiculous tradition 01:08:52 - P Diddy Took Halloween Too Far 01:12:41 - Kanye West and Antonio Brown had Unintentionally Hilarious Videos 01:20:23 - Jake Paul Beat Anderson Silva 01:26:11 - Video Voicemails 01:51:24 - Kim Congdon Interview Preview 01:58:32 - Sara Weinshenk Interview Preview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ HeyDude: Go to https://barstool.link/HEYDUDEKFC and use code BARSTOOL for 15% off. Cannot be combined with other discounts. One time use per code. 15 item limit. Must enter code at checkout. Not valid on previous purchases. No rainchecks. WhistlePig: Go to https://barstool.link/WPKFCR to be alerted when our barrel is live Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Mugsy: Go to https://barstool.link/Mugsy for up to 30% off the entire site Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping with code KFC at https://barstool.link/ManscapedBSSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the best! It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Clancy and Feidelberg. It's our Halloween edition. We record on Halloween today. We're both in costume as fucking losers.

I was walking to work this morning, actually, in the bar Westville, or at least the restaurant. I walked by. A priest was setting up the tables and stuff, the outdoor seating. And I was like, why the fuck is a priest doing this? And I realized it pretty quickly that it was Halloween, but I hadn't put together. The fact that it's like, we'll be doing like all Hallows Eve type shit that you're talking about. Well, no, it's Halloween. Today's actually Halloween.

Right. But you're saying like a priest. Oh, you're saying that. It was just a regular worker was dressed up as a priest. Oh, get it. Got it. Here's the problem. Here's the problem.

All right. You were confused. No, absolutely. I was like, what am I? Here is the problem. Halloween on a Monday means that motherfucker starts celebrating on, like, last Thursday. I've done, like, five different. I got to dress up as the Beast again today.

I've done it four times already. It's, like, enough, man. I've got a couple extra costumes. Do you want one? No, I'm. Are you kidding me? I'm saying it's the Beast. I didn't even recognize it was you.

I've never done Halloween good. Like, I've done costumes. I've never done Halloween good Like I've done costumes I've never been like the costume I was the costume I was the costume We went to a dance A school dance on Friday night People were taking pictures of me

Just me, not the kids They were like great costume Get out of here Belle It was grown adults being like Can I take a picture of you know right get out of your belt yeah i was like it was grown adults be like can i take a picture of you and i was like can like can i get my kids in it too i just wanted a picture of me as the beast that's it the that's it i've never i've never done it either i mean i was walking through the gym like hey oh oh like once again i got really confused really quickly and then figured it out yeah Yeah. The school dance. No,

no, no, no, no, no, no. The school gym. Uh, it was,

yeah, it was like a, it was like a, like a movie. Like, you know, it was like punch and fucking whatever in the school gym. Um,

and, and when I first got there, we had to get, we had to wait in line to like get in. And, uh, there was no parents dressed up. And I was like,

and I think I, I remember this last year. I think I dressed up for something that like only the kids were supposed to be dressed up for. And I was like, I've done it again. Oh my God. I dressed up for something that like only the kids were supposed to be dressed up for. And I was like, I've done it again. Oh, my God. I'm in a full beast costume and no one else is dressed up. And then when I got in there, there was other people.

So that was just like a line of lame parents. Yeah. But this thing. So I had ordered like a fucking costume, like a mask that has like the horns and like a rubber face. Yeah. And then I ordered it. You can't go mask. Well, so I'm happy this happened.

You can't eat, you can't drink, you can't. And I mean, nobody can see you the whole night. But I was like, all of a sudden it was like October 20th and I didn't get it yet. And I was like, that's weird. It should be here by now. I opened up my Amazon. It's still just sitting there in my cart.

There needs to be some sort of like. Wait, how does that happen? I've never put anything in the cart. What do you mean I put things in the cart? But then I check out immediately. I've never like. There's always. I know people like Wait how does that happen I've never put anything in the cart What do you mean I put things in the cart But then I check out immediately I've never like There's always I know people like save things I think I needed to

I wanted I bought it I think I needed to Change my address Since I just moved I need to do something like that And then like Then I need to An extra step

No thank you No I'm doing it There needs to be something that like You know you get like a A notification that says Like you have stuff in your cart Like a week later Yeah

Dummy Yeah like you know Gmail does that now Like three week later yeah dummy your shit's still sitting there yeah like you know Gmail does that now like three days ago like do you want to reply now ah let's see and they should do it

with Amazon that's right and now I'm sure in like a couple days I'd be like stop fucking bothering me but so then I needed to order

something last minute that had Amazon Prime and I just got a wig and a beard that Mike Cannon said it best he was like it looks like you got

like a weave. Like it fits my hairline and my chin line like perfectly. Again, I did not realize it was you. It was like on my Instagram. Like I don't know if I was just talking to stories or whatever. I just went through it without ever being like, that's Kevin. And then like the next day, I was like, wait, that's fucking Kevin. I've never been that guy.

People were like, stop. And then we did like a trick-or-treat thing on like a block party and people were stopping me like yo great costume i was like fuck yeah felt good man but i had i had very funny moments because of that it's ridiculous to be a grown man uh dressed up like that and so this party had like the he like the Heidi Klum of dads. Yeah, exactly. Exactly that. It was like I was taking it a little too seriously. But there were these moments.

There was like cornhole and a mummy thing where you get wrapped up with toilet paper. I'd love to come just follow you for a day. Oh my God. Just see what your life is like. The other side of life. I'd love for you to come follow me one day. We really need to do it for each other. We can't invite each other.

We can't know. It's just like we stalk each other. You want to do that? Jesus Christ. Is this how they live? You want to stalk me? Yeah, I'll stalk you. Like behind a tree.

Spice Adams. Just watch it. If we were like a full-blown reality show, I think it would be like the biggest hit in the world. Like half of the episode is with me doing kid shit. Half the episode is with you doing whatever the fuck you do. And then we meet at work for the episode. Every week would be electric. Yeah, it's completely different lives.

We wake up on Monday morning, we have a glass of water, put on some face moisturizer. I'm like, all right, we're regular people again. I've become a bit of a girl like that. I'll poison my body for 72 hours straight Wake up in the morning Have a glass of water In Omeprazole And then just do a little fucking eye line

Great Weekend's gone now I just erased it 72 hours of punishing myself But so There was all these different things For the kids to do Which

It was actually a great Like Usually when I go to these events I'm like you fucking morons This thing sucks This is a good event But there was all these different things for the kids to do, which it was actually a great, like usually when I go to these events, I'm like, you fucking morons. This thing sucks. This is a good event, but there was also just the DJ playing in a dance floor.

So first of all, Keegan was trying to break dance. It was amazing. I don't know where he saw this. He said, he said he saw it on his iPad. He's like, like going down on one hand and kicking his feet up.

And then he tried to do the thing where you like, you'd like scoot around. And then you like, you kind of like helicopter. I remember my phase of trying to dance. Yeah, yeah. So he was like. It was just me always pretending I was about to get on the ground. He runs in like a circle and then, you know, like kind of poses at the end.

I was like, where did you learn this? And he's like, the internet, bro. I was like, this is ridiculous. But I have both him and her and they want to dance and when I'm at these things, like when I'm with other adults, I'm not,

I don't dance. When I'm doing it for the sake of my kids, it's a fucking, it's a party. So I bring them out on the dance floor and I'm fucking dancing

and again, I'm dressed as the beast. Other parents aren't even dressed up. So most parents, I don't know if I saw them. What are they? Shay was Belle. Belle, okay. And then he just says his olaf he's been olaf three years ago he just loves

olaf yeah so they're dancing i'm kind of like dancing with them and like other kids are coming in i'm the only adult all the other parents are kind of just standing around the outside like sipping talking about finances and stuff yes like sipping are you diversified oh i'm diversified just the lamest, right? And so I'm dancing and we're having fun. And then there'll be a moment where Shay's friend runs by and grabs her hand and just pulls her away. And Keegan catches, like, cornhole catches his eye and he runs. And then there's a split second.

Doesn't last long. But there's a quick second where i'm still dancing on the dance floor my kids are gone and i'm like other kids still there other kids are still there and i'm dancing and then i'm like okay never mind well and like like shay is on this thing right now uh because beauty and the beast when they dance he dips her she likes she loves me to dip her so and i like put her all the way to the ground and fly her back up and then she goes can you do it to evangeline too and i was like no no i cannot there are laws in this country daddy can do that i cannot dip evangeline that will not be happening uh but that that split

second of like oh to the left to the right okay never mind look like i'm on sketch predator wait to the left i'll the window to the wall. No, I don't want you doing that. I don't want you doing that. They play what music there? Have you been noticing that... You probably didn't. Fox is using OPP by Naughty by Nature to go to commercials.

Are you going to do this the whole episode? Just one lick? Yeah. I'm going to see how many it takes. See how many it takes to get to the center? It's going to take you forever. There's no chance we get to the bottom of this. No, no shot. I mean, I can't just keep it in my mouth. I don't have it. It's sitting there. I'm's no chance We get to the bottom of this No No shot

No shot I mean I can't just Keep it in my mouth And I have it And it's sitting there And I'm gonna have To taste some sugar If you think that

I need my sugar levels I need my insulin Dude there's a bowl Of fucking Tootsie roll pops Tootsie pops downstairs I mean if you're gonna Put a bowl of candy

In front of John Feidelberg Guess what he's gonna do I'm gonna take it I'm gonna take it It's like putting A fucking bottle of Maple syrup Whistlepig maple syrup in front of me. I'm going to fucking hit it.

Right. Or whiskey in front of me. Whistlepig whiskey, man. We are counting down the days. Yes. Now. November 11th, baby. November 11th.

Same days. Wakanda Forever comes out. Okay. Let's go. Get your whiskey and go watch Black Panther. I saw a Jepty Lowe tweet about it this morning. I was like, oh, same day the whiskey comes out. Okay.

All the other, all the greats drop on 11-11. Let's go. Get your whiskey. I saw Jeff D. Lowe tweet about it this morning. I was like, I'll see if any of the whiskey comes out. All the other, all the greats drop on 11-11. So you can get the KFC Radio 10th Anniversary Special Single Barrel Whistlepig Piggyback. That was it. It's a mad photo. I'm holy. Yeah, that's the one I just drank. Oh, we weren't supposed to drink it, right? Whatever.

We weren't. I didn't open it. I didn't open it. Someone else opened it. Jackie. It wasn't either of us. No, it wasn't supposed to drink it, right? We weren't. I didn't open it. I didn't open it. Someone else opened it. Jackie? It wasn't either of us. No, it wasn't either of us. Nick?

I'm not going to snitch on who did it. It's no one in this room. It's Colleen. I knew it. There's somebody out there, but I protect it. Someone came in here. Someone else who came in to hear who might drink during the day. I have a guess of who it is.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if you do. a guess of who it is. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if you do. Do you know who it is, Nick? Oh, I know who you were going to guess. Yeah, I was going to say Zach. No?

No. I would protect this man's secret with my life. All right, it's a man. Huh? Well, I didn't blame you. I just looked over this way. Well, and Pat was smirking and looking at you. It wasn't me.

I actually wouldn't have guessed you. Who do we think it was? Who would have the balls to just come in here and do that? Stefan. Yeah? Oh, that son of a bitch. That jackass was dressed like Beetlejuice this weekend, but he just looked like the Babadook and we just kept going.

That's fucking great. Good for Stefan. Good for Stefan. Drinking our fucking I'm glad he opened it. Finally, I can have a sip of it. It's delicious. Single barrel. It's smoky. It's spicy. I can't wait for you guys to see the video.

When is that coming out? It's so fun. When do you want to put it out? Do you want to put it out before or right when we drop it? No, I think we should put it out to build up to it. I think before. I think the weekend before. It is so funny. When do you want to put it out? Do we want to put it out before or right when we drop it? No, I think we should put it out to build up to it. I think before. I think the weekend before. It is so funny what happened. The creation of our whiskey could not be more us. And I'm happy it went that way because

when we went there to create one, I was kind of like this is a little we're being a little phony here. We're not these guys. We're not like, I don't know what we're talking about, you know? But I was like, I'll go along with it, and we'll kind of play the part because it's fun. But, like, we're not whiskey connoisseurs. We're not whiskey connoisseurs, but we had six barrels that we tasted.

And I knew which one I liked. Absolutely. I'm just saying, you know, to use any of the vocabulary. Yeah, right, right. We don't know what we're talking about. So we're, like, we're like but the the tasting is like whiskey sommeliers by the way let's go with that right sommeliers we we like we just wrote down a couple things here and there and the way it unfolded was so perfect i was like

now we have our story like this is so good rather than just being like this is the one that we tasted the tannins and the nose or whatever the fuck it is uh the barley and the the the rye the rye seeds were really fermented but you, you know, it was so good. It was so perfect. It was pretty cinnamon forward. Yeah. No, this is smoky, spicy, and you'll see why. It's so fucking good.

So today's episode is brought to you by them boys over at Whistlepig. You can get the – this is the piggyback, the six-year. They also have the 10-year, the 12-year, the 15-year, the 18-year, the 20-year, the moth hog. They've got the maple syrup to go the 12-year, the 15-year, the 18-year, the 20-year, the moss hog. They've got the maple syrup to go along with it. But it is. It is ground cinnamon, allspice berries, and roasted

cedar. Oh! How about that? I'm sure I knew that through osmosis from doing these ad reads, but never would I recommend, never would I say cinnamon forward. For anybody who is a actual whiskey sommelier, it's 100% rye single barrel. It's a medley of freshly ground cinnamon, allspice berries, and roasted cedar with very subtle notes of brown sugar on the finish.

Ooh, the brown sugar. That sounds fire to me. You know what it is? You pair it with a little Tootsie Pop. Oh, this guy's an innovator. Click on the link in the YouTube description. That's great. Sign up to get it when it's live.

1111. It will be available online. I'm legitimately very proud of this. Me too. I think I very rarely. This is our best thing. You know, our most important thing. Trying to pat ourselves on the back.

No, this is the one. We created a whiskey with one of the best whiskey brands in the world. I know. That's crazy, dude. For real. That's crazy. And like they came through Barstool and they're working with Bustin too. But like they are like a KFC radio radio brand and they love us we love them and like it's it's all us and

and the the whiskey is like good and yeah it's i mean we've talked about this before we're like our friends who drink whiskey like who are whiskey kind of stores whiskey sommeliers such as cheeto and like he's like how the fuck did you get a whiskey brand? A good whiskey. A Whistlepig. How are they working with you? That's no fucking joke, man. We don't know the answer. Couldn't tell you why. But we're very, very thankful. So get your bottle of whiskey. You can check local

liquor stores, but it'll definitely be available online, 11-11. Also, get your tickets. We're coming to the West Coast. It's our West Coast swing. We're going to Phoenix, we're going to Denver, and we're coming to the west coast it's our west coast swing uh we're going to phoenix we're going to denver and we're going to la and then also coming back home to do our makeup show from new york tickets available for all of those so uh middle of november late like third week in november we are making that swing no that we go next week so next week middle of november yeah yeah. 11, 9, 10, and 12.

It's so soon. These things creep up on you. Bro, these things creep up on you. Yeah. We're going to go out. It's like the 9th, 10th, and 11th, or 9, 10, and 12. 9, 10, 12. Get your tickets.

I'm sure it'll bring That Those shows will be About the trip for sure Those shows will be about Yeah, the trip We have I've had some people reach out to me That want to come to the shows

It's gonna be fun Do you want to talk about those people? They're pornography stars Do you want to just talk about the industry that they're in? Not to say who's who, but we can talk about the industry. I've had multiple porn stars reach out saying they want to come to the shows in Phoenix and LA. One porn star in a place with a very fitting name. Very serendipitous type of shit.

Yeah, yeah. It should be good. Okay, so we'll get in. We got one minute, man. In a little bit, we got our voicemails. I've got an M.I. the Asshole, even though it's a Tuesday. But you guys went to the Pats game yesterday. The Pats-Jets game, right?

We did go to the Pats-Jets yesterday. God, the Jets suck. It is. Bro, I'm going to be honest. We went to the bar beforehand. We probably had a couple beers right across the street here suck. It is. Bro, I'm going to be honest. And we went to the bar beforehand. We probably had a couple beers right across the street here. We met here at Triple Crown. And a great bar, by the way.

It's so good. I have friends who aren't from around here. They're from Manhattan, but not this area. So they've never been there. And they're like, what a great bar this is. It is. It's just a good old solid. It's an Irish bar. Yeah.

An Irish bar. And so we were there beforehand, and I was like, I can't believe the Pats are favored in this game. I can't believe the Pats won. They stink. I understand you guys lost a bunch of players last week. Yeah, you lose Brees Hall and ABT. Like, you know, you're cooked. But also, the Pats fucking suck, dude.

And this was a chance to, like, even though the Pats suck, beating the Pats is something the Jets need to do. Like, it's one of those hurdles they need to get over. And in that first half, like, there was that drive. It was like two and a half minutes. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, done. And I was like, wow. Like, the Jets just – I don't think I've ever seen the Jets just carve up the Pats on a drive.

I said that to Fido. I was like, I think Zach Wilson has more passing yards this quarter than he has all season. Yeah, and I was like, okay. And then that fucking roughing the passer call, which was bullshit. Great call. A great call. Which was bullshit, but also, like, that was, that killed the momentum,

and it was such a, with the, being at the head. That was such a bad throw. That was like – I think Chavs actually quote tweeted this morning. That was like Trevor Lawrence's last throw last week where like it got pulled back because I guess it was a defensive holding or something like that. But it was like – But it should be. That's the worst I've ever seen and that should be on your record.

Right. Like that should turn into a feud forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it won't. But that was – and I said that – I tweeted it during it where I was like, this is the most damning evidence of Mac Jones yet is that like – we were at the 30. We were at the 30 with like 40 seconds left, 50 seconds left.

Didn't even try and score a touchdown. Yeah, bro. That's how it goes when you're not in the quarterback. Can you imagine? Shit like that happens. Yes. Yes. All the time where we're like, just don't turn the ball over.

Just run the clock out. Get to the locker room. don't turn the ball over. Run the clock out. Get to the locker room. Don't turn the ball over. Not even to score a touchdown from the third. Bro, because you see, I mean, like when Zach Wilson's trying to throw the ball away and just throws an interception. Because crazy shit like that happens when you have a bad quarterback. And Jets fans are, every single season that comes, I'm like, which group of Jets fans are the most toxic?

Because Knicks fans became like the, you know, Bing Bong's not yours, and they were gatekeeping like crazy. Now Jets fans – and Mets fans, we know, are fucking the most negative group in the world. And now Jets fans are like, if you haven't watched every single snap of every single piece of, dog shit team you've ever watched, you're not allowed to watch this team ever again. And I've been very, I barely watched. What happened? I really like genuinely took a step back from sports for a minute. Like the Mets fucked with me so much. And I was like, this is a little embarrassing.

I need to like check myself. So I like took a step back and I was like, I'm not even going to get like two whole two weeks. No, like five. That one's on me. Yeah. You said time to get back in invested. A whole two weeks? No, like five. Which is like week seven. That one's on me. Yeah, you said time to get back in. Every Sunday I was texting Cav. This is the week.

This is the week. And I was like, not going to do it. Not going to do it. And then it was Jets-Pats. And I was like, I have to watch this no matter what. And then that first half, I was like, okay. And then that second half, I was like, yep. I mean, it was so bad.

That Zach Wilson INC on the fucking. So bad. The sideline. So bad. Who was that pick? He threw three, right? No, that wasn't McCourty. second half I was like yep Zach Wilson INT on the fucking so bad the sideline I don't know who was that pick he threw three right McCourty no that wasn't McCourty

McCourty was an overthrow I don't know who but I mean it was like he could have thrown it like he was out of the pocket he could have thrown it literally at the

fucking ground I think besides just throwing it at a player that was tough and then he had yeah I mean he had like two back to back like soul crushing INTs the funniest thing tough. That was tough. And then he had, yeah, I mean, he had like two back-to-back like soul-crushing INTs. The funniest thing at the game

was that we were sitting next to, like, we actually, I mean, like, there were, it's actually very weird in the sense that, like, first of all, going in,

which, by the way, took us about a half hour, 40 minutes. Because there's guns. Because there's guns. There's fucking guns. It was like, it was for,

Paz almost pissed himself. That would be so funny. I said, I was like, dude for Paz almost pissed himself That would be so funny I said I was like Dude you should piss yourself This man just had A pants full of piss Going Gun control

We need more gun control In this country But the So we were there We were there And like We probably We got in late

Because the line Was so god damn long To get in But we were talking About how It was like... Wait, what did I just say? My memory is gone. You got too high last night.

Yes, that's for sure. When you get too high like that, my brain goes... So I took an edible just to enjoy... Tell everyone about what's happening here. I took an edible last night. And I got incredibly high. And I'm definitely still high And I ordered a pizza

From Joe's Pizza Which is a massive pie And then before that got there I ordered 12 tacos And 2 burritos From Taco Bell? Did you forget that you ordered the pie? I was like, you know what?

I'm going to move for tacos now. I'm a little bit spicy now. That's fucking great. That's what it's all about, man. That was a devastating text to wake up to from you. Being like, we got to do it at 11. Oh, no. I'm so high still.

That's all right. We'll do a high show. You should have said, I'm fucking stoned. I got to do it later. You can kick rocks Because this is the problem let me tell you why we have to do it at 11 I think I remember what I was saying It was about the

How we were sitting next to a bunch of Pats fans And Pats was like man Pats fans are just so much better At chirping than Jets fans And one of the Pats fans sitting in front of us He just goes He just turns around of the Pats fans sitting in front of us, he just goes, he just turns around after a Pats touchdown. It was actually so casual and so funny.

He just goes, how's your life? Not so good. And the Jets fan retort was, oh yeah, well, Julian Edelman was in the movie Bros. And we were like, our wide receivers are famous enough that they're in major motion pictures. Well, let's relax with major. It's a major motion picture.

Sometimes major motion pictures bomb. But it's a major motion picture. No, I mean that. We were like, what? You can't like, you can't chirp them until you beat them. And you can't even beat them when they have Mac fucking Jones. Yeah. This is the same guy who told me the guy sitting in front of me again.

He started chanting at one point. He's like, here we go, Bruins. Here we go. And the Jets fan yelled, the Bruins fucking suck. And I was like, actually, they're 8-1, and they're the best team in the NHL. And he goes, ah, I stole that take from Dan. I guess it was a part I've since gotten the answer on that.

I guess it was part of a larger point Dan was making that Boston sports are on the downswing. The Celtics and Bruins are both winning the championship this year, so I disagree. Yeah, it's like, I guess relatively speaking, they're a little bit down. By the way, Charlie McAvoy is back today.

Okay, all right. Moving on. I tried, Pavs. I'm back out again. I think I need – I'm done. I can't – You know what it is?

Rooting for a team without a quarterback is a young man's game. I can't do it. You can do it. You should do it. Don't be like me. I wore a Darnold jersey yesterday. That's so pathetic. It was actually so funny. That is one of the most pathetic things I've ever heard.

As he was telling me that, he's like, look, here's the deal. I decided. We're walking into the game and I just decided I can't keep spending money on cool jerseys. No, it's like the fucking Browns. And I looked to the right and someone's on a Favre Jet jersey and I was like, she quit way before you. It's pathetic. I can't do it.

And I tricked myself into thinking, because we talked about it every week. It was like, the team looks good, but Zach Wilson looks bad. And I was like, that's the system. That's what you need. See, the team was so bad for Darnold and all those guys that they got exposed.

And when you get exposed fucking 15 weeks in a row 16 weeks in a row every year you just get beat down and you never get to develop so you're kind of insulated you're not playing well but it's like hey we won hey i made that one good throw so that's something to grow on and then the team is good enough to kind of hide the warts until you get better and you get rid of the warts the problem is you actually have to be good and if you're not actually good it doesn't matter how much you insulate them. Eventually, they're bad. So if Zach Wilson's just bad

and it kind of looks like it is, it doesn't fucking... And also, also though, I'm done with being upset about that. I think... There are... It actually is weird to get upset about not having a quarterback

because there are truly like five people alive who can play a quarterback. There's so few. There's so many bugs. At a real level? And like you look at, like I said on Twitter the other day, if the Jets didn't win that one game against the Raiders

and they actually got Trevor Lawrence and he was just bad, I would be suicidal. I'd be homicidal. I'd go around finding every college football fan who told me he was the second coming because I never watched. I was like, okay, Trevor Lawrence is the next Peyton Man manning and i would chop their head off like you fucking assholes and trevor lawrence used to beat the shit out of bc yeah right at the heights with 400 people there trevor lawrence used to throw the ball like eight times a game for 400 yards like this is not even

real and then and then so and now i've decided that and like the good the good players are like the good quarterbacks are just like yeah you got lucky or something crazy happened. That's what I would draft. I've said this before. I would draft a quarterback every single year. And when you miss, keep moving. All right, Zach Wilson's not the guy. Keep moving.

If there's someone better on the board, you take them. But every year I'm drafting a quarterback. Matt White is their backup or some shit? Mike White. Mike White. We're not going to put him in. So you still play Zach Wilson, I'm drafting a quarterback. Matt White is their backup or some shit? Mike White. Mike White. We're not going to put him in. So you still play Zach Wilson, I'm saying, but I'm not going to get upset about it.

We wait until next year. We wait until, like, just keep moving, keep moving, keep moving, until you get one. All you need is Kirk Cousins. Like, if every team had Kirk Cousins. Has anyone watched that movie, by the way? What movie? The Kirk Cousins movie.

No, you mean Kurt Warner. You need a Kurt Warner, you need a Kirk Cousins. Usually a guy that's not going to make much sense. Literally the same person. Kurt Warner, come on sorry. No, you mean Kurt Warner. You need a Kurt Warner, you need a Kirk Cousins. You're usually a guy that's not going to make mistakes. Literally the same person. Kurt Warner, come on. He went to two Super Bowls. Come on. Two different teams.

Two different teams. The only guy to ever do that. He went with the Cardinals and the Rams. Wait, he won that game with the Cardinals? No, no, no. He just went.

Oh, went. Went, went. Okay, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I'm just done. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. What did you just say? Yeah, wait, what?

Well, now Brady. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just wanted to make sure I heard everything correctly and processed it. Because only one person's ever won two with different teams. Maybe someone else has been. Congratulations to them that they got to lose in the Super Bowl.

Whatever. But only one other person has won. Yo, I'll tell you something. Tom Brady. I'm worried about Tom Brady. Because I think he's like Joe Paterno. He needs football in his life. And if he doesn't have football in his life, he's going to die. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you something. Tom Brady, I'm worried about Tom Brady because I think he's like Joe Paterno. He needs football in his life

and he doesn't have football in his life, he's going to die. Yeah. We need it. Like, imagine if Tom Brady just died. It was just like,

that would be gangster, dude. Go out on your shield. Hell yeah, dude. Give him Vikings. Fucking set him on fire. Hell yeah. Okay. Quick M.I. the Asshole

before we get into the other shit because I know it's, we'll do the one minute, man, but I got to give this M.I. the Asshole before we get into the other shit. Because I know it's the one minute, man. But I got to give this M.I. the Asshole because it's a great one. Halloween related. Pause this ad read for one second. Two separate things about two mega fans of our teams. One, at the game, Fireman Ed was literally on that Jumbotron more than Zach Wilson was. Every third down, he's on the jumbotron.

Also, by the way, a lot of things coming here. They cut off beers at halftime, which is insane. Yeah, I saw that. I saw you say that. I've been at a past game. Was halftime particularly like – was the first half particularly long or something like that? No. Not that I'm aware of.

They called it while I was online. The guy was just like waiting, waiting. Me and Jackie got to like the front, and he's like, all right, that's it. That's it. Wow. You want to talk about one of the worst moments of your job ever is being the concessions guy that's got to cut off beer. Right.

And people are just like, fuck you. It was. I mean, I've been at one pass game before where they cut it off at noon. Because usually baseball is seventh inning, eighth inning. End of seventh? It's seventh inning stretch. I. I think end of seventh. Seventh inning stretch. I think it's end of seventh.

I know with Barstool to Ballpark, it's two hours after first pitch or the seventh inning, whichever one comes first. Oh, maybe that's actually what it is. But hockey is before the third period. You can get a beer before the third period. And football is usually the third quarter. It's after halftime usually, right? Yeah, yeah. You can usually get beers in the third quarter. And's after halftime usually, right? Yeah, yeah. You can usually get beers in the third quarter.

And they went at halftime. They were canceled. And it was a problem. I'm going to talk to AOC about it. We'll see what happens. But so Fireman Ed, the fact that the Jets just welcomed Fireman Ed back with open arms is fucking insane. Well, okay.

I kind of agree with you that Fireman Ed... Fireman Ed had his moment in the sun. And I think he should have recognized it and kind of, like, dipped out. It's like you live long enough to become the villain sort of thing, you know? How gross is that when I look you in the eye? I'm gonna take it and bite it. Fucking done.

It's like that commercial, right? That's what the owl does, right? Yeah, yeah? Yeah. Three. So he led that fucking, you know, you want to call it corny or whatever. I'll say this. Even the fact that he, like, even when he was on the Jumbotron, it didn't feel like he believed he should be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can tell. Like the vibe. No, for real. You gotta be that guy. If you're gonna be that guy, I could never be that guy. I'd feel embarrassed. I'd be a little anxious. Do these guys really like me? Are they gonna listen to me?

He had no shame. He got up on there and he was the guy. Fucking J-E-T. They listened though because he liked it. It's kind of corny. It's corny because the Jets are bad. If the J-E-T-S, if they were good, it would be a thing like everyone talks about. The whole crowd does it. It's a big thing.

It is. We actually saw this in the car ride on the way there. How like, we've talked about this obviously when I came back from Liverpool

about how great all the music is, yada yada. In America, we just like to brag that we can spell. Yeah, we just yelled the letters.

It's just J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S,

E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, E-A-G-L-E-S, C-L-E-M-S-O-N-T-I- J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles. Yeah, yeah. C-L-E-M-S-O-N-T-I-G-E-R-S. We can smell.

It's not the best, but anything that you can get everybody to do. I know some people hate him because he was a Dolphins fan when he was growing up. There's all these things. I didn't know that was a thing. People were tweeting that would be heavy yesterday. Big time. They do not like that. But I do think like i think it got to a point where he you know social media and shit i think he you know got overexposed

he got exposed as a fraud fan which is like i don't know i mean if you were if you if you like started rooting for them like after college or something it's like you were like a grown adult that's different if it was like yeah i grew up grew up in Miami as a five-year-old. I don't know what the story is. I've said I liked the Rangers until I was five or six. I don't know the details there, but I think it was the internet that kind of did him in. He kind of got too big for his britches.

Then you criticize the team, or you don't criticize the team, or whatever it is. And next thing you know, I think he was getting knocked out in the fucking bathroom. If I got jumped by Jets fans because they're like, you're not really a fan KFC, I'd be like, fuck all of you guys. I hope this building burns down. I'm never coming here again.

I guess I get that. You guess you get that? Because my teams are so good, that wouldn't happen. I cannot imagine leaving one of my teams because we've won championships. What if a bunch of Bruins fans jumped me? Fuck you i still like pasta yeah i guess they're too by the way pasta was popping yesterday he did the thing no no no he just he was uh dressed nicely

he was baby right from oh oh from uh what do you call it i've never seen the movie dirty dancing i think he was baby i think baby i think so that's the girl right yeah yeah he was definitely a girl in a dress doing a split. Hell yeah. And I was like, goddamn. Real men do that shit. And also biceps popping. Yeah.

I was like, that's my guy right there. It's easy to do those costumes when you're fucking ripped, you know? Nobody's going to question you on that. I quote tweeted it last night. But yeah, he kind of then retired, quit, and then he just came back. Yeah. Because he probably, I mean, listen. And welcome, but that's the thing, was welcome with open arms.

I'd be like, kick the shit out of him and get in the bathroom. No, stop it. Stop it. No, no, he's not baby. He's the, that's the Sia costume in the little guy that dances. Ah, Sia, Sia, Sia, yes. I think someone else was baby. Yeah, he's Sia.

But either way, pasta looks fucking fantastic. And this guy. This baby. Yeah, he's Sia. But either way, Pasta looks fucking fantastic. And this guy. This motherfucker. This guy is my hero. I forgot about this guy. You want to talk about having the confidence to just go out there and do it and not think twice about what other people think about you? No.

This guy in a Supreme shirt. Oh, Kevin, I couldn't disagree. What is that? No, obviously, this guy sucks. I know. I know that. But I couldn't disagree with you more with the fact that he, like, it's not that he doesn't care. He cares so wholeheartedly.

I was actually, at one point, he was sitting down. Is that a real Supreme shirt? I think so. Like, they made that? I don't know. Supreme kind of jumped the shark a while ago. What is that? Is that Venom or something?

What is that? Is it Godzilla? I don't know. A dragon? It looks like he's a fucking motocross racer. Yeah, yeah. And the pants are somehow worse. Oh, I didnocross racer. Yeah, yeah. And the pants are somehow worse. Oh, I didn't see the pants.

Yeah. Wow. Also, those designs, whatever the fuck is going on there, also on the front of the pants. Oh, hell yeah. But at one point, he was sitting down, and he had his keys in his lap. And I hit pass, because he was driving a Mercedes. But I know the exact year that Mercedes key was from. And I was like, dude, that's know the exact year that Mercedes key was from,

and I was like, dude, that's a fucking old Mercedes. You just like fucking brand names. Yeah, you want to see that little symbol. You saw Supreme, you saw Mercedes, but guess what? You can only afford the shitty versus Supreme shirts, the fucking old Mercedes. You're a loser, bro. He combed his beard at one point.

I didn't see it. Pavs told me about it. During halftime, he took out his phone and... Wow. Wow. That is unbelievable. And then lastime, he took out his phone and called me. Wow. Wow. That is unbelievable. And then last thing, last quick thing about the game. We sat right next to the Silver Bullet, which if,

Pat's been on like national TV enough that you probably know. He's a bigger guy who just covered in silver face paint. Yes. Yeah. Wears a Pat the Patriot hat. We sat, yeah, right there. We sat right in front of him, right behind him. I don't know what I thought I didn't know he travels

Me neither I'm guessing it's like in New York Maybe the 95 corridor he hits But I don't think he's doing too much But he shows up He has all the fake rings on He's got all this stuff And I thought

I was like he must be a maniac Bro he sits there He just sits there silently And wolfs hot dogs. I watched the Silver Bullet more than I watched the game. I was like, he's not fucking saying anything. That's kind of a move, though. Like, the fact is, he's like, I'm not here for you.

I'm here for me. Right. Like, I just like to do this and I eat hot dogs and watch football. Like, I'm good. He whacked about four or five hot dogs. He might have also been on enemy turf. He doesn't whoop it up. I mean, bro, you're showing up in silver face.

You think if you shut the fuck up, you're like, he might be a Jets guy. It was crazy that he was very, very quiet the whole game. Yeah, I guess maybe you just shut up sometimes. I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed. I thought it was going to be chaos. Yeah, a whole different way. And we were sitting next to a bunch of other Pats fans, not famous Pats fans, but Pats fans of notoriety.

Pats fans who were wearing the Nashville Patriots president was sitting in front of us. And I know that only because on the back of his jersey it said, Nash, Pat's Prez. That'll do it. But, like, so, like, maybe he was with them, but they didn't talk very often, right? Like, they didn't really interact the whole game.

I think he was just solo. I mean, part of me loves that. That is a hell of a move. Deep down, these people all have psychological issues. Well, that's sports in general. Yeah, but this is crazy. This is next. Is that a fat day in a beer?

What do you mean? Listen to this. That's redundant. Wait, we can do this. Oh, okay. It's brought to you by GameTime. You guys went to Jets Pass, courtesy of GameTime. Courtesy of GameTime. You guys went to Jets Pass, courtesy of GameTime. Courtesy of GameTime, yes, sir.

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KFC for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. It's last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed download GameTime. This M.I. the Asshole is awesome. Sorry, it's a Halloween related one. M.I. the Asshole for not taking my kids trick-or-treating

because I don't want to walk up a hill? My kids, seven-year-old girl and an almost three-year-old girl, were super excited for Halloween this year. It's my favorite holiday, so I'm always excited too. I went all out for

costumes and stuff like always. My oldest is Sally. My youngest chose Ariel. I plan to wear my Lumine cosplay. Lumineer? No. L-U-M-I-N-E cosplay.

I just got Beauty and the Beast on my brain. Lumine. Lumine. I don't know what that is. She said cosplay, so it's probably some weird nerd shit that I spent almost a year making. By the way, this might be fake, but we'll see. I don't like that you say that. Okay.

You do that occasionally on the M.I. The Assholes. Well, sometimes there's so many details that I'm just like, and you'll see why I think this in a minute. Because usually fact is stranger than fiction, but sometimes it's just a little sus. Except my town moved the trick-or-treat night from Saturday to Monday. That sucks for us because we live at the top of a pretty steep hill, and their dad will have the car for work since he works the night shift. Trick-or-treat starts at 7, and he leaves for work at 7. Now I walk

up this hill when I absolutely have to, but I really try to avoid it. It's 8 blocks up to the top and it's steep the entire way. Pushing a stroller up is hell. Convincing a toddler to walk up it is even more hell. I have asthma and often struggle up the hill with it. What kind of adult

has asthma? So I can't fucking lose it, dude. That's fucking hilarious. You're not allowed to have asthma as an adult. Bro, once you hit puberty, you better not have asthma anymore. I'm speaking from someone who had asthma at fucking eight. I got pubes. I lost that shit.

You still have asthma. It's just called like you're an out of shape bag of shit. You know what I mean? Like you can't breathe. That's just called being in an out of shape adult. Getting in the halo, you fucking loser. So I canceled the trick or treat plans because I can't do that hill with two kids after walking around trick or treating. Instead, I bought them baskets for a Halloween camp in and Movie Night. They have Halloween-themed pajamas, some spooky cups for hot chocolate, books, a coloring book, a make-your-own-monster kit, and spooky face masks. I also stayed up late to hand-make some skull-shaped hot chocolate bombs with edible glitter, and I made little ghost-shaped marshmallows for it.

I also have candy and popcorn. But their grandparents are being harsh about it. I also have candy and popcorn, but their grandparents are being harsh about it. They said I'm ruining the holiday and that I should be ashamed that I'm depriving them of trick-or-treat just because I'm lazy. They also claim my kids would hate their baskets and be pressured to lie about their feelings because of it. I guess it could be selfish

to cancel just because of the walk home and maybe I should just tough it out. I don't want to ruin my kids' holiday, so I'm on the asshole for not taking them on the walk. Now, edit. I asked both of my friends. I asked both my friends and grandparents for rides or help. They couldn't do it.

I have comments explaining why. I did try to find alternatives. I'm not going to read those comments. Local taxi cab says online that they close at 7. So that seems a little weird. Yeah. You can move to a place that doesn't suck. Also, either way, I have no money right now.

My bank account is at a whopping $2.41. Well, then you're probably shouldn't have bought all those costumes and shit, bitch. My kids did go to the Halloween parade in town this year, and they did go to the school Halloween parade. We didn't go to Trunk or Treat because my kids were sick when it happened, but my oldest didn't want to go in anyway for some reason, and my toddler didn't know about it and didn't care. We never missed Trick or Treat before, and we do participate in as many Halloween activities when they come around. My town is surrounded by mountains. I feel like a lot of people on here may not be familiar with rural mountainous towns. View the landscape as a bowl, and the town is in the middle of it. They built up into the mountains, and if you're unlucky enough to live on the edges of the town where they built up the mountain, it's not very fun. The only

perk is that my house is too high in elevation to be flooded. Because of this, people here have made it a normal event to go to the bottom of the hill to hand out candy. You won't find houses up here with lights on and hoping the kids walk up the hill for it. They go to the bottom of the hill. And then one last thing. She edits and says that it's an ex-husband. So the car situation isn't as easy to share. And then the last one is,

I don't know why this is a thing, but asthma is not a, quote, obesity disease. I don't know why there's a link. It's a kid's disease, you fucking weirdo. I don't know why there's a link between people telling me to lose weight and work out because I have asthma. I was born with it.

I'm 5'2 and 121 pounds. I'm not losing weight. It's funny. It's actually a good weight for my height. It's 5'2 and 121 pounds. I'm not losing weight. It's funny. It's actually a good weight for my height. It's actually a good weight for my height. So. She kind of sold me. I'll be honest.

Yeah? Yeah. I've come around. You know what did it for me? That night sounds awesome. I don't want to walk around trick or treat. I'd rather do the fucking hot chocolate and watch movies and shit. See, what did it for me was the fact that the rest of her life is so depressing.

So terrible. So terrible. Hey, kids, guess what? We're staying in for trick or treat, or mommy's going to kill herself. Or mommy's brains are going to be splattered in the fucking garage. I live in the bowl of a mountainous town where the cabs stop at 7 and I have $2 to my name. Girl, do what you want.

Girl, drink a few bottles of wine and tell those kids to fuck themselves. Grab your Hitachi and go upstairs and call it a night.

three things I've ever heard. I live in a bowl. I've got asthma. I have $2. I don't have a car. I don't have a cab and my kids hate me.

Whatever fucking makes you live to tomorrow, keep doing that. I've got asthma. I have $2. I don't have a car. I don't have a cab, and my kids hate me. Whatever fucking makes you live to tomorrow, keep doing that. Yo, I tell my kids, go on your fucking own. 73? Go do it yourselves. Come back or don't. I might not even be here. Who cares?

Come here. I tie a string to the stroller. Here you go. Let me know. I'll bring even be here. Who cares? Come here. If you can't see what you're doing, I tie a string to the stroller. Here you go. Let me know. I'll bring you back up. I'm not fucking. I'm not going. Dude. Mommy's getting ripped tonight.

Fucking. On like a clothesline. Asthma kicking in. She's like Rambo and Cliffhanger. And not Rambo and Cliffhanger. And not Rambo and Cliffhanger. Stallone and Cliffhanger. Imagine those kids.

She's like Rocky and Rambo. Imagine the kids in the stroller just like. That is so goddamn funny. Mommy's in the garage Letting the car run

Do whatever you want Make sure you grab mommy one of those Snickers with a razor blade The ones that talk about the news all the time That never happens Mommy'd love one of those Shout out to the random people who like to give away their weed to random kids on Halloween. That's never happened once.

But the reason I got suspect was like, what cab company closes at 7? How do you have $2 to your name, yet you're spending all of this money on glitter and all that shit? You don't have any friends or grandparents with a car. Also, if your husband has to has to oh she's talking about getting back up the hill right she can go down the hill and trick or treat but she can't get back but why don't you just drop your husband off at work or actually yeah like that there's there's other ways there's a lot of ways also if he needs to get to work at seven the cabs run at like six yeah true so some of that shit ends up a little at work bro but also

then it's like i can't imagine just staying in the she's in the comments like a motherfucker just like arguing with everybody so I'm like you know you either are real committed to this or this is some real shit but I'll tell you what but what would is that your honest answer not the asshole

like not out of the shitty I'll say this. Like, your kids, it sucks. Like, your kids are going to be, like, the only kids in town who didn't go fucking trick-or-treating because their mom has asthma. That sucks. Well, guess what, dude? I'll tell you what.

My parents ruined things, Halloween, a lot more. Bro, I'll tell you what. Your parents ruined all your holidays. Well, no. I mean, everyone in New England. Your Halloween got ruined. Because guess what? Your parents made you put on a fucking coat because it used to be cold in October.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's 70. Right. But back in the day, it got cold in October, and you had to wear fucking jackets over your costume. And it ruined the goddamn costume. Yeah. They didn't care. I vividly remember one Halloween.

You're going to catch a cold. That's not how you catch colds. It's not because of the rain. I remember my mom walking. She trudged through a like we had like a monsoon one year like looking back it was insane that my mom even did it and i i actually had like a little bit of foresight as a kid to be like this was this was cool that mom did this like this like this is this she went above and beyond like this is awesome i and i think about

it every time to this day that i almost make fun of her. I'm like, there was that time in 93 that you walked around in a fucking, like, goddamn hurricane. So, but, like, it does suck.

Your kids will be made fun of. They probably won't have any friends, and you'll be known as, like, the fat, poor family. But,

but, that being said, you already were. Yeah, they're just reiterating it. Everyone already thought you were fat, poor family.

I don't even want to think about what happens at Christmas. 5'1", a buck 20? Might be time to hit the gym. You're fat and poor, and you don't trick or treat. You have no friends. I don't even want to know what Christmas is like in that house, man. Yeah. You better rob a bank before

fucking Christmas comes around. Sell some more meth because you're undoubtedly doing that right now. I do end up I do end up I think that the night sounded awesome. I would like a little movie night with coloring books and hot chocolate.

I would like that tonight. As a kid, I would. That sounds like an awesome time for Halloween. I would like a little movie night with coloring books and hot chocolate. I would like that tonight. As a kid, I would. Exactly. That sounds like an awesome time for Halloween. I'm going to go home right after this, and I'm going to watch a bunch of horror movies. Hell yeah. I'm kind of in the mood to be spooky. You want to get spooky tonight, and we'll just fucking get high and do that?

Yeah. I'm going to do it as soon as we go home from this. Me too. After I do a thousand more trick-or-treating things. I was going to say, I'm going to do it. I'm being sincere with my as soon as I get home from this. You have a bunch of parent stuff to do. I'm going to do it at like 8 o'clock tonight.

It's so far away. I'll be fucking passed out high by then. Fuck you. I hate you. 8 o'clock. Jesus. Oh, man. All right.

All right. One Minute Man is brought to you by Mugsy Jeans. Oh, can I do a little Mugsy Jeans thing? Yeah. We can get your jacket too. I was like getting dressed this morning and I got my whole outfit on and I was like, all right, that's a pretty solid, you know, nothing crazy, but this is a pretty solid outfit. Great fit.

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There's like that Halloween woman Sherpa. It's like poor and not good. It's a soft kind. And what's good is the sleeve doesn't have it because if the sleeves have it it gets too hot and you can't get your arm through it.

It's just like the vest and jest part. Yeah. And it's got the rose gold buttons and it's just it's also Even just saying rose gold is nice.

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they got flannels, jackets, cashmere, holiday pants, joggers, literally anything in your closet that you want, they've got it covered. So go to Mugsy.com. You had a little Halloween party, right? Not your closet that you want. They've got it covered. So go to Muggsy.com. You had a little Halloween party, right? Not really. No?

No. I thought you did. I thought you had a rager. I invited a bunch of people to a Halloween party. No one came. Bro, so Friday night after we built the skeleton. Which is amazing, by the way. Amazing.

Bro, you can only see its hand. When I'm laying in bed, you can only see its hand through my door. It's so big. It's so massive. It's so much bigger than 12 feet or whatever it said. I think it's like 13. It's 50. It's huge.

It's humongous. But when I'm laying in bed, I can only see its hand. And I'm like, every time I look out the door to my porch. You just laugh. No, I'm just like, what the only see his hand and I'm like every time I look out my front like the door to my porch just laugh no I'm just like what the fuck

oh yeah that's right there's a humongous skeleton out there like it has scared me 20 times does your upstairs neighbor do you think they just

look out and see a head uh yeah probably yeah I I love the pictures that came out of it.

The one where it's not done yet and you just see a giant pelvis. Dude, the pelvis is huge. That one is so good. So, so good. That was great. Also, by the way, we looked at the total views for the skeleton build, and that's now our barometer. We compare it to all the other shows and how many views they get.

And let's say somehow, sometimes we talk about how much money or resources are spent, and we just go, skeleton build. Skeleton build. The skeleton build is bigger than a lot of big properties here. It costs you, what, $700, which was overpriced. We brought an overpriced one, and we still did more views than some major Major properties

Skeleton build Skeleton build Also You might just By the way We might just start Building things Yeah that could be

Like Friday night build shit Cause it It actually worked out Perfectly Because we tried to build Like if we just Built it outside It probably would've been like

Alright we built A skeleton outside But the fact that we got it Halfway done And realized it wasn't going to fit inside and had to take it apart and then carry it outside, it just made it so much better. And then this situation. This was the best moment I've ever seen in my life. Watching your buddies just get shut down by chicks is the best.

Hey, we're having a party. You guys want to come? And they're like, no, losers. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? You guys want to come over and check out no losers why so early you fucking old man losers? Don't worry, no one's going to come anyway. They also, they tweeted us they were going to come.

They never showed up. Like most of the people invited to the party. Dude, thank God. I mean, it was like, no doubt, no doubt, like top, top, top one worst part of everybody. Thank God they didn't come. Yeah. Oh, dude. What would have happened if they showed up and it was just you and Tommy Smokes?

They showed up and it was me, Nick, his brother, and Tommy Smokes drinking beers in the kitchen. Is that really it? By the end of it, yeah. Keys came by? Keys came by. Keys came by dressed to the nines. And that's the worst she's like i i shaved my balls for this i dressed up for you fucks it was i i will i it was i i will take some

blame myself oh i'll take all the blame because it's my party um but like i was arguing with a friend about some dumb shit so like i kept disappearing until I just fucking fight with him on the phone. What? That's a different story for another day. And then it was just like no one came in costume. I didn't have any food. Were you dressed up?

I was in the skeleton thing. Okay. So yeah, I guess the answer to that is yes. Yeah, you were dressed up. Nobody else was dressed up. You had no food or booze.

You didn't come in costume. No, I wasn't sure if I was going to come or not. Yeah, you were dressed up. Nobody else was dressed up. You had no food or booze. You didn't come in costume. No, I wasn't sure if I was going to come or not. And then it was like 1130. I had booze. You always have booze. And then I was just like, you know what?

Fuck it. Let's hop in an Uber right now. And like, we left an arcade and came over. Yeah, you shouldn't have. And then you walked in and you're like, fuck. I should have went somewhere else.

And then everybody, but like those guys stayed? Who? Like Tommy. Tommy was there basically all night. Boy. Tommy got there like those guys stayed? Who? Like Tommy. Tommy was there basically all night. Boy. Tommy got there like at 8 o'clock. Tommy's a loser, huh?

And then was there till, I would say. I mean, he had no other plans, huh? Post midnight. But he didn't even come in costume. He came in a fucking Buddha Ben sweatshirt and a Minnie Mouse ears. Like that's not a Halloween costume, bro.

I'm sure this was for one of his bits or something. Yeah, he was sneaky recording. Tommy's just always kind of. I'm sure this was for one of his bits or something. Yeah, he was sneaky recording it. I had one friend come in a red socks, full Papabon uniform, but also had an afro. And I was like, he kind of looked like Franklin from Arrested. Holy shit, yeah, he did. Yeah, right? Is he black? No.

No. And then I had some friends Who came and they were like We're out of here They left pretty quickly Did they? They were like fuck this Alright I'm gonna go to another party

You also You're leaving out That we went to Party City Before and bought How much? So counting the skeleton Guess how much money I spent on decorations

This Halloween party Now mind you The skeleton's 800 bucks So I don't even want to know Like another spent on decorations this Halloween party. Now, mind you, the skeleton's $800. I don't even want to know. Like, another couple hundred dollars? Yeah, I probably spent in total about $1,300

on Halloween party. Fucking no one came, dude. Anyone who came wasn't in the Halloween spirit. What? We just stood in my kitchen and drank beers and sweatshirts like high school kids.

What do you What kind of Decorations did you get Honestly bro I was like You're getting like Cobwebs and shit I got a lot of cobwebs

I was so like In the I got a ton of cobwebs I was buying extra costumes Bro you're breaking my heart I was in You're making me upset We were at Party City

I bought extra costumes In case people didn't show up In costume They could put these on No John This is worse than the Trick or treaters On the mountain bowl They decided not to I was like I'm could put these on. No! John, this is worse than the trick-or-treaters in the mountain bowl.

They decided not to. I was like, I'm going to put this on. They were like, no, we're all set. Fog smoke? Fog smoker. Oh, my God! You put a smoke machine and nobody was there? Picture my apartment.

Couple guys in sweatshirts. No, no. Halloween lights Spider webs I bought extra skeletons Smaller than that one Tombstones Lights Purple lights

Purple lights Light up Jack-o'-lanterns And just like Five dudes in sweatshirts That was a Halloween party I threw Tabs you You bought it with him?

We waited an hour in line at Party City. No! Are you out of your fucking mind? It was a serpentinian line that went up and down four aisles. Why did you do that? I tried to leave three times and they were like, are you going to give up?

I kept being like, yo, you can leave. He's like, nah, I'll stay. We talk all the time about how we don't wait on lines. We're not line guys. You broke the fucking code. Yeah. For your Halloween party, it sucked.

But like, bro, I'm so much happier that I threw the worst Halloween party ever. Yeah. Because like. You either want to have a great one or this. Yeah. How many people have gone to a party where it's like, it was crazy, bro. We had so much fun. Everyone's been to those parties.

Not many people have been to like, I've been to the worst party ever. Yeah. I gave everyone a night to remember. That's true. That is true. Where were you, Jackie? How come you didn't come by? Yeah, Jackie and Pavs didn't show.

How come Jackie didn't come through with like a harem of hot bitches? I actually was planning on it. Uh-huh. But I had, like, this was the thing, was your issue was that you, you invited everybody, like, three days before Halloween.

Yeah, it was an impromptu party. I brought the skeleton five days before. Three days is not enough time? What? It's more than enough. No, I had already agreed to go to three parties that night. I was like, I can't finish.

Oh, Miss Popular. I mean, I do want, I don't think three days is that crazy. Yeah, no, Halloween, like, that's, people, like, that's like inviting someone don't think three days is that crazy. Yeah, no. Halloween, like, that's... People, like, that's, like, inviting someone to Thanksgiving three days out.

Like, people have their plans. Your group chat was, like, 15 people, so it's, like... I was just trying to get one person to come. And you basically did. You basically got one person. Bro, that is... Deep down, are you hurting?

No, honestly, no. I think it's very funny. In the moment where you're like, this is – deep down, are you hurting? No, honestly, no. I think it's very funny. In the moment, were you like, this is so funny? Or were you like, oh, my God. In the moment, I was like, I can't wait to talk about something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did even get the text. I can't wait to talk about my Halloween party.

I was like, oh, word. He was like, it was the worst one ever. This is such a – this job, like when bad things happen, it's like, yes! Yes! It is. It's a dark, dark place. God. I mean, for me, it was funny because the last time you invited me to a party, you said we're having brunch and watching the Masters.

And this was like mid-COVID kind of. And when I got there, it was a fucking party. And then this one was the opposite. That one we hadn't been to bed yet for the night before. Yeah, that was a rager. That was wild. That one was. That one was. You guys want more? That one we hadn't been to bed yet for the night before. That was a rager. That was wild. That one was. That one was.

You guys want more? That one was. We can't do many more parties like that in this life. No. No. That was one to remember, and that's it. Can I get an omelet and a mirror, please? Dude, I showed up with

Patriots and everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing? I thought we were doing brunch Okay, one minute man Texas A&M has another ridiculous tradition come out. If you didn't know about Texas A&M they are they're in College Station, Texas

they have despite having a billion dollars, have the worst football program in the world. And then despite having the worst football program in the world, have the most diehard fan base ever. It's insane. It's a full-blown cult. The fans, the alumni, all of them are absolute.

They drank the Kool-Aid and they love Texas A&M. And for whatever reason, this this year particularly all of their dumb traditions have finally just made it to the internet and I've always heard talk about it with Brandon and Casey about how like weird they are but never seen it and I think it's probably because they had like an effort to keep everything off the internet because once people saw their corny stand-up comedy thing with the overalls and the white suits, they were like, this place fucking sucks. And then they do that thing where they do the push-ups. They do the really fast push-ups. And they look like they're going to kiss.

And then this one, the Great Pumpkin Parade, a.k.a. a fucking Klan rally. And if it's not, you need to stop doing it because it looks exactly like one. It's a bunch of white guys with full-blown torches. We're not even doing tiki torches. We're doing, like, old-school torches. These guys, apparently also at Texas A&M, they have, like, a fake army. Like, you're a fake soldier. It's like a weird military.

It's like a fake military. It's, like, less than the National Guard. It's, like, below the Coast Guard. They're ROTC. Yeah, you're, like, soldier. It's like a weird military. It's like a fake military. It's like less than the National Guard. It's like below the Coast Guard. They're ROTC. Yeah, you're like below ROTC. They're like a fake soldier, and they put a pumpkin on a freshman's head, and I think this was,

I think it was just kind of coincidence, but the only black guy in the fucking video is the one in the middle wearing the pumpkin hat. And they parade them around with ominous music like that. It's a fire ass song. What is that? I don't know. Is that Ride of the Valkyries?

Yeah. No, no, no. Well, maybe. I don't know. Maybe there's different parts to Ride of the Valkyries. Ride of the Valkyries? Yeah. No, no, no. Well, maybe. I don't know. Maybe there's different parts to Ride of the Valkyries. Ride of the Valkyries is the... Oh, yeah, yeah. This one was just that ominous...

I love that song. Yeah. I think it's in the car commercials a lot. It used to be like what the Bruins did before they came out. Yeah. It's like a classic hype-up song, but it's also a classic some scary shit's going on. I also got a tweet saying... I only learned about this

from your twitter yeah me too and um and i was my buddy malcolm who's in the skeleton video uh it's a black guy and i just showed him what do you think about this and he was like what the right fuck like i genuinely was like like the the other shit's corny it's's just like, yo, Texas A&M is the cringiest school in the world. This was like, either something very nefarious is going on, or it really looks like it. Like, you can't do this anymore because it's like, you know, it's like if you- What's the face paint all about? The face paint is crazy. Well, I mean, and a lot of people are like, it's Halloween, man.

I was like, okay, well, I've seen a lot of Halloween parades that don't include this. That face paint? The torches. Is racist. Yeah't include this that face paint the torches is racist yeah that is some nazi racist that's some clan shit the kind of the the if you're wearing half a military uniform that's racist it is true it's true because you're in full military uniform then you're in the military that's fine that's the thing you're in the military this is like i just have fatigues in my closet right right right that's because you're in like a militia Yeah, that's because you're a fucking psychopath In the mountain ball They're about to walk up a big hill

Yeah Full military uniform All good Obviously completely acceptable Full military I salute you Thank you for your service Half military

What's your deal, bro? Half military I don't want no problems, man I'm sorry Me and my family are just driving through No, we don't don't want no problems, man. I'm sorry. I mean, my family was driving through. No, we don't know any black people. Also, I heard that. So the fake soldier thing is almost like a frat.

And part of the hazing I heard is that they all piss in that giant pumpkin. The one that they put on the kid's head. Oh, they piss in it before? Yeah. And then they dump it on his head with the piss in they dump it i don't know they dump the piss in it but it's just like they use it as a toilet and they put that on your head this is the worst fucking thing ever yeah yeah no it's like oh good i get to be the great pumpkin i got a piss pumpkin but i i mean like like if there's not piss in it when you dump it on my head i don't really care

well i wouldn't want it you know it's a wet pumpkin i wouldn't want it but like as far as like hazing goes that's pretty good. Oh, listen, at the end of this, they all fuck each other and piss on each other. Come on. I don't like to yuck. What is it? I'm not going to yuck your yum. Everyone in College Station seems to love this stuff, so go ahead and do you.

Yeah, it makes sense. It's Texas. But I'm just thinking. Everyone in Texas seems to love this vaguely racist shit yeah who would have thought who would have thought but i'm saying that like i genuinely think there will be a drop in applications because of this year i'm not even kidding like a and m's had a rough year like if i the fact that like a and m was once johnny manziel yeah and now and that and like like john Johnny Manziel used to be at like those rallies with like the

Hanky Panky like, why would, I mean, Johnny Manziel's like, they keep, they call the opponent Hanky Panky.

They do this thing where they'll be like, they're telling some story and they'll be like, and that's like, let's say they're playing the Mountaineers. They're playing at West Virginia

and they'll be like, so one day like, Mr. Aggie was walking through Mountaineers. They're playing West Virginia. And they'll be like, so one day, like, Mr. Aggie was walking through Mountaineer, walking through West Virginia when he found a hanky-panky,

a no-good-for-nothing Mountaineer. And they do these weird, like, things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they go like, God, it is tough.

Oh, literally, I got fucking cringe fucking goosebumps from just reenacting it. And I'm sure Johnny Manziel just picked up a duffel bag of cash and was like, yeah, okay, Hank, keep paying. See you guys later. I'm going to pro. But, yeah, College Station, it's over for you guys.

It is. Like the world knows your secrets now and you guys are losers. I think you quote tweeted someone being like, imagine you went in the early 2000s and later you had to realize you were in a cult. Yeah. And yeah, from what I see from A&M, pretty cult. They wear the college rings everywhere. This is the guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. It makes me want to absolutely die. I was really confused because Appalachia is definitely not a state. How bad is that? They're playing Appalachian State. Appalachia is not a state. And they're like, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

I found them, and they're located deep, and I mean deep, in the backwoods. Just like you would think any hillbilly college that names themselves the Mountaineers. Oh, God. Don't you want to die right now? I just hope that these guys can get here tomorrow, right? Because I know for a fact that half of their football team can barely even read the name on their jerseys, let alone read a map.

Jesus Christ. It's the worst thing in the world. It is. It map jesus it's the worst thing in the world it is it is like literally the worst thing in the world so um and they wear the they wear the ring they do this thing they do the the pumpkin and they i guess you know you're drunk you're having fun whatever i don't know you you get literally like indoctrinated into it and then somebody goes like oh like in alabama we just like we like fuck chicks and like do beer bongs and shit. I don't know. And then you're like, oh, wait a minute. You guys don't have weird rituals and shit like that? As a Florida State alumni, I can say the oh is incredibly annoying.

And if you do that anywhere in Tallahassee, but that's the – I kind of fuck with that. I mean, that's like a timeless sports thing. That's the extent of our cult stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's a football chant. Yeah, that's a chant. This is like you're a cult.

You're a literal cult. I mean... And also the fact that they... I mean, come on. Look at these guys. You're telling me this is not like a get-out situation? You're telling me this is not like... All those guys have had lobotomies.

And they don't know what they're doing anymore. Bro, they are such fucking losers. It's amazing. It's crazy. It is. But within their world, I think they are like the guys. I think – I think they are.

Bro, I think those guys walk around and it's like you're a yell leader. I think these guys – that's how crazy they are. But you're also telling me that these like the Texas boys, oil rich like donors aren't like these fucking... You know what I mean? That these guys aren't going to be like, you get the get Nathan and Zach

and Kip. Go to Kip. Look at Kip. Look at Kip Necht. Hi, I'm Kip Connect. Look at Kip... Just wait a second. Look at Kip Connect for a second. Kip. Look at Kip Necht. Hi, I'm Kip Connect. Look at Kip. Also, just wait a second. Look at Kip Connect for a second. Kip Connect, class of 23. Holy shit.

The fact that this guy is like one of the, oh my God. Yo, if Kip told me to do anything, I'd tell him to shut the fuck up. He'd be like, root for your A&M boys. I'm like, I am rooting for Appalachian State tonight. Yo, Tommy Smokes at Fordham had more fucking clout and whatever than this guy. Kip Connect has got to get out of here. Why are they wearing their class rings already? And also, why are they on their – no, those are their right hands. Never mind. Why – but don't you get a graduation?

He's not at a graduation. I don't know, man. Even if you're the biggest loser alive, you get a graduation, right? That's probably your cult ring or some shit. You're not wearing it fucking – you don't have your class a graduation? Like, he's not at graduation. I don't know, man. Even if you're the biggest loser alive, you get a graduation, right? That's probably your cult ring or some shit. You're not wearing it fucking. You don't have your class ring your sophomore year of college. Yeah. Right?

Again, even if you're the biggest loser alive, you buy one. That's probably what it is. At graduation. Probably bought one ahead of time. So anyway, A&M, dorks. Diddy. P. Diddy on Halloween. There's always a guy who takes halloween a little too far and uh it was puffy he went as the joker i by the way i have a take when rich people have great

costumes i i'm not impressed bro also i don't think that fucking the joker is a great costume anymore i think it's it's yeah but, but I will say that his acting was... It was a fucking joke in The Office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That it was old. That's a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Office, Kevin.

It's like 20 plus years ago, right? Michael Scott was still on the show. It's bad. And like Dwight and Creed both show up in Joker. The last person I'd ever expect though would be Diddy, right? Like, I don't know. He did kill it, like, as the voice and the mannerisms and shit. But there's a video of him.

He goes up to a guy from Power. 2-Bit is his name. And he was, like, in his face and being, like, doing the voice. And all of Puffy's crew are dressed like the clowns and shit. And they're like up in this guy's face and they're like you pussy you pussy and he's like he's standing like i'm not gonna do anything but i'm about to do something you know and diddy's like in his face and then he's kind of like you know who i am and he kind of then he changes his voice back and he's like do you know who i am and the guy's like what no like what the fuck and then I like I he never even says like I'm I'm Diddy but eventually he's like it's me and he's like he's like brother like

we have to like you were ready to fight me man it's got to be love it's got to be like love over hate it's like what are you talking about you're a fucking psychopath dressed as the Joker in my face calling me a pussy of course I'm ready to fight you. And then at the end, and this is the best, dude. This is the best. He hugs him out and he goes, come to the after party. We've got to change your vibration. Change your vibration, brother. Turn it up at the end here.

He's saying it like right now. What up, nigga? What's up? Fucking come on. Hit up on your shit. Nah, hey, keep it pimpin'. You fucking pussy bitch. You don't never talk to me like that, nigga.

I'm in love, nigga. Keep it mackin', man. It's like, what do you mean talk shit to me? What's going on right now? Keep that shit mackin', man. You really taking over my energy right now? So what did I do to you? What did I do to you?

What did I do to you? Do you know who I am? Bro, for what? It's all love, it's all love bruh. It's all love bruh. It's Puff. Come here, give me a hug though. Also it's like nobody knows you as Love Puffy. Nobody calls you that.

I love you. I love you. And we're together. We're stronger together. You're not the next. Come to the after party and change your vibration. Change your vibration. And we're together. We're stronger together. You nothing, nigga. Come to the after party and change your vibration. Change your vibration. Change your vibration.

Like, this is way too much. Halloween is so fucked. It's so crazy. Do you know who I am? No, you're in costume. Yeah. You are disguising your identity. I have no idea who you are.

And, like, you know, it's not just, like, I have a mask. Like, I'm fully dressed. He had white skin. like like here is white like like i mean like this is like painted white but then here was a white person's skin oh yeah like he he made it look like he went that far so it's like yeah i have no idea you're a fucking black guy i'm not thinking you're puffy yeah you look like a white guy dressed as the j. I mean, Halloween, you can just... I'm surprised more people don't get murdered every Halloween. Like, that's the night. Just fucking go up to someone dressed as the Joker

and fucking shoot them. And then it's like, who was it? Like, it's the Joker. I don't know. There were 10,000 Jokers in Manhattan last night. Yeah, like, what would you do this year? What would be the... I would go so far as to say

I bet the Joker is still the most popular Halloween costume every year. Probably. I would guess since the Dark Knight came out. Every year. Every I bet the Joker is still the most popular Halloween costume every year. Probably. I would guess since The Dark Knight came out. Every year. Every year, the Joker is number one. Can we just... Were you rolling when we watched Kanye before? Yes. Can we just put that in?

Yeah. Our genuine reaction? All right, so Kanye. Kanye is still out here talking about the Jews. And this time it was absolutely fucking hilarious. Wait, did you see Kanye too when he said Jewish people? Yes, that was unbelievable.

He goes, now, as far as, I think he's talking about wearing the MAGA hat. He goes, as far as the red hat goes, that was like a misdiagnosis. And everybody knows what kind of a misdiagnosis and everybody knows what kind of doctor misdiagnosed me. I'm not going to say it. It was a Jewish doctor. He was misdiagnosed by a, I'm not going to say what race, what people, doctor, at what hospital, and what media it went to.

We know I can't say that it was a Jewish well he gave it he gave it like he gave it one second of honest, earnest. I can't say it. I'm not going to say it. One second. There's a Jewish doctor. My mom sometimes occasionally sends me inspirational texts,

official quotes. Oh, gosh. And this morning she texted, you were once wild. Don't let them tame you. And I want to send that to Connie. Yeah, morning she texted, you were once wild. Don't let them tame you. And I want to send that to Kanye. Yeah, just keep going, man. Keep going.

And then also Kanye was tweeting later. Not later, but last night. Kanye was tweeting, Instagramming about a couple of people. It was, who else did he have? He put Stephen A, which he is like, he's like, there's a couple of real ones.

So wait, wait. So Kanye took to Instagram and started posting about the media. And again, it's the JM. That's the other funny thing. You hear when it originally started, he was like, the Jewish media this and the Jewish media that. And they were like, you can't say that. And so he goes, okay, the JM says that you can't. I know. We still know what it is, Kanye.

He did Kyrie, too. That was the other guy. Oh, he did Kyrie, too. That was the other guy. Oh, he did Kyrie? Okay. And, yeah, he said that Kyrie and Stephen A. Smith are still, like, real ones. Because Kyrie just did a whole thing where he, like, posted about some anti-Semitic stuff, right? Yeah. Oh, another thing that happened this weekend.

Kyrie. Bro, do you know how many wrong turns you have to take in life to be standing at the podium of a post-game sports press conference and you have to address the fact that you believe Sandy Hook is real?

He went Alex Jones? You have to, he's like, by the way, I don't believe Alex Jones on that. I do think Sandy Hook happened. Oh, he did one of those, like,

but I do believe him on this. He's like, I'm not an Alex Jones't believe Alex Jones on that. I do think Sandy Hook happened. Oh, he did one of those. But I do believe him on this. He's like, I'm not an Alex Jones guy. I think Sandy Hook is real. And it's like, dude, do you know how bad you have to fuck up to be at a sports game press conference and say, just like to address something, I believe Sandy Hook happened. That guy sucks. Him and Marcus Stroman suck.

All they do is talk. Yeah, Stroman's just like a JV Kyrie. Really? Yeah, just like always tweeting about, you know, this sort of bullshit. But Stephen A. Smith must have got on the phone real quick and been like, Kanye, stop talking about me. Yeah, bro, yo, do not fuck up my bag. Yeah.

I am. Because Stephen A. Smith is one of those guys, like, I think he's navigated this world pretty well. Like, I think once or twice he said something to get, like, in a little bit of hot water. But I think he's quick to be like, I fucked up. I'm sorry. And, like, pretty much everybody, I think, kind of loves him, I would imagine. You do not want to get pulled into this. Did you see the video of him?

Oh, fuck, who was it? I think it was just a random, like, black Twitter guy who tweeted it. So I don't know if you're going to find it. Him walking the court in LA. Did you see that pass? Mm-hmm. He is so awesome. It's,

he doesn't know he's being filmed and he's just, the way he struts is just like, it is, he just thinks he is, Dude, but he is,

he is, he is that guy. He is that dude yeah but Stephen A. Smith and I think this is an overused term but I'm still probably

gonna try and make sure it's about one day Stephen A. Smith is him he's him Stephen A. Smith is no he is I mean he makes so much money

and the tweet was so vague it was like just look at like Stephen A. like but he like he had this leather jacket on

and some like like gator skin shoes, and he's just strutting. Like, what's up, what's up? He taps it up. It was just like you would have thought he was going to play that night. It was amazing. Stephen A. has one of the all-time coolest quotes, I think, when he signed his newest deal, which I think he makes $10 million a year.

Yeah, big money. There it is. There it is. There it is. I love that Pat's new to search when your uncle shows up. Look at him. He's just doing like the little nose rub thing and like the shake.

So good. Dude, but here's the deal. This is a pretty normal walk, except for the fact that it's Stephen A. That's the best thing you can say about Stephen A. It's like a chicken or the egg thing. This is only interesting because it's Stephen A. 100%.

He is the fucking man. But when he signed his new deal, he said something to the effect of, I've always told young kids, do not aspire to be LeBron James. You can't be LeBron James. You can be Stephen A. Smith. But I don't even know if that's true anymore. I don't know if that's true anymore either. I do get what he's saying, that you don't have to be physically blessed.

But you almost do need to be. He's got something that not many people have he's also big and can bucket yeah steven is like six five no really yeah steven is a lot bigger than you wow that helps that helps a lot like when i see jeff passin it's like oh god like he's only six one but still that's you know when you when you're up against like all these other guys in entertainment are so fucking tiny you know um kanye takes the cake with with uh the jewish doctor thing not a very close second place antonio brown uh trying to talk his way through some of the shit he's been posting he was told by i'm i'm assuming told by a lawyer to just tell people that his Tom Brady comments and posts are a parody.

And I'm guessing he just saw it in writing. And this is what he said it was. It's a parody. It's a parody, man. Come on, man. My joke is just a parody. I'm going to stop saying that to people and they're gonna go like what and I'm

just gonna be like parody if you don't know what parody means you're not that's on you yeah yeah right right get more online get your fucking online numbers up get

your screen time up what did I did I fuck Giselle and like am I the father of her kids I don't know it's a parody man it's a parody I am staunchly I have said this before

and I will stand by it don't make fun of people who mispronounce words because it means they learned it by reading I don't know It's a parody. I am staunchly. I have said this before, and I will stand by it. Don't make fun of people who mispronounce words because it means they learned it by reading. I don't know. I think Antonio Brown was reading maybe a Cliff Notes. I don't think Antonio Brown picked this up in a legal book. No, I guarantee you a lawyer handed him a piece of paper and said, like, if anybody bothers you about what you're saying about Tom Brady, just tell them that it's this. It's a parody.

It's a fucking parody. That was what I think of parody, yeah. Bartender, do you have any parodies back there? All-timer, man. By the way, he is like a prominent position in Kanye West. He is the president of Donda Sports. Anybody who's signed with Donda Sports,

you're an asshole. Before this Jewish media stuff, you're already a fucking asshole. And last thing, Jake Paul, he's just, like I know Anderson Silva, I'm going to go in a minute. You can do voicemails.

Jake Paul, I know Anderson Silva's old now. And I think he was coming off of surgery. But he, like, I don't know. At one point, he was, like, the greatest fucking fighter in the world. Yeah. And if Jake Paul. He's, like, 47. He's old.

I know he's old. And, like, the thing that Jake Paul needs to do, because he goes anytime, anywhere, anyplace. So I want someone to be like, you need to fight Hector Dominguez in the Bronx. Who's that? I don't know. Like, just some fucking guy who's a real boxer. Like just prove that then,

you know? But I know, I mean, I know he knows what he's doing, but like, I think the next step for him is not another big name. Just fight a normal person. But he's,

he don't, but I don't know. But someone, someone says, also, I was tweeting about it on Saturday. I watched the fight Saturday. I watched it live.

I just happened to be like on my Roku. I watched the fight Saturday night. I watched it live. It just happened to be on my Roku. I didn't even know that fight was happening. Yeah, that did not get a lot of pub, I felt, like the first ones did. On my fucking Roku homepage, it was one of the ads. I was like, oh, fuck. I'll pop this on, whatever. And we got into a big debate, heated debate with everyone again. Why don't you just stream it?

I don't know. Because I can afford it. I have a job man I fucking buy things it's easier to fucking just click buy than it is to have a TikTok stream

10,000 different fucking links this one doesn't work it's easier for me to spend $50 I don't know sorry and I have more than $2

in my bank account I don't live on top of a hill seriously and but that was I didn't watch any undercard I just saw it in time to catch that fight

Literally as the walkouts were happening I clicked it on And that was An awesome box That was entertaining as fuck It was a legitimately really fun box match They were fighting And I know he's old

But like All I'll say, it's kind of like what you said about Stephen A. Smith really fun boxing match. Yeah. They were fighting. That's what I mean. And I know he's old, but like, all I'll say, it's kind of like what you said about Stephen A. Smith is like, he's doing it. That was a normal walk and he's,

but he's the one doing it. Like, like prior to this, I would have said Anderson Silva until he's a hundred years old could beat the fuck out of like anybody. Yeah.

Right. And it's like, not Jake Ball. And maybe, and this was a close match. This was, I don't think anyone really debates the fact. I think, I think Jake ended up winning it like like, not Jake Ball. And this was a close match. I don't think anyone really debates the fact I think Jake ended up winning it in the last two rounds. He knocked him down.

He knocked him down in the last round. You've got to be able to throw hands a little bit to fight Anderson Silva at any point. And also, there were probably two or three rights he threw that missed. But it was like, that was a fucking right. He's a monster, dude.

And the only thing better than boxing is being the marketer and the promoter. So he knows. He's never going to just be like, okay, I'll fight a random, in his prime, professional boxer, even if he's not a superstar. Just fight some of these guys. He won't do it because A, he'll probably play the card of

he's not a big enough draw. We're here to make money. 100%. But it's also, like, if you were anytime, anyplace, anywhere, you would do that. But he won't. He'll pick, like, Conor McGregor or someone else next. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere for the right price. Yeah, for the right price and for whatever benefits me the most. Yeah.

Like, beating you. But I think we've gotten to the point where, like, if you did just beat a regular person who is a professional boxer, the haters would be like, fuck, what do we say now it is it is so lame like like again boxing is about as dead as baseball um which i very i read a very interesting article on that today um but the uh it is like i don't know people don't watch it yeah we don't talk about it doesn't right there they were arguably 50 years ago the two biggest sports in America. Sure. Yeah. Now they just don't. Now they're both like, neither of them drive even a fucking iota of national discourse.

And MMA, it does. MMA, right. So it's like you know that the- But it is- It's not that it got too violent or whatever. It's the problem with the sport because the one that's exactly like it but run the right way is a monster. Yeah. But it is like there are still like the 15 left fucking fight purists who get in your mentions

like he's not a real fighter. Someone asked me they're like well he doesn't fight guys that like lead to a belt like do you want to know if he's great or do you want to be entertained?

I was like entertained. Entertained. Yeah. Absolutely want to be entertained. No doubt. I don't give a fuck if he's great or not. I want to be entertained.

I don't care how people remember Jake Fall or the legacy of fighting. I want to watch a Saturday Night Fight and be entertained. I'd love him to go fight Deontay Wilder. That would be cool. I don't think that people remember Jake Faller The legacy of fighting I want to watch a Saturday Night Fight and be entertained I'd love him to go fight Deontay Wilder, that would be cool I don't think that's going to happen guys So just give me the entertainment

He's ruining the sport From what I gather, from what fighters say He's not We're talking about boxing He's bringing it back He calls out Dana White He's really smart about that I'm going to be on the side of the fighters so that they can't clown me because it's like I'm about fighters' rights. They can't be the guys being like, fuck you, dude.

Pretty smart angle. Yeah. Nate Diaz, I think, is like next to who he's calling out. Yeah, he called out Nate Diaz. He called out Canelo. Yeah. So, I mean, Canelo is like, come on. Canelo's a fighter. But Nate Diaz is like, I thinkelo. Yeah, so, I mean, Canelo is like, come on. Canelo's a fighter.

But Nate Diaz is like, I think just retired or was fighting one of his last matches. Nate's probably one of those ones that's on the border of like, it could happen. Yeah. If Nate Diaz loses to Jake Paul, I'll die. Like, Nate Diaz is one of like, he's him. Nate Diaz is him. The last Nate Diaz fight I watched, it wasn't for a belt, but it was called the baddest motherfucker alive fight.

Yes! And you can't lose to Jake Paul. No, he might have lost, but it doesn't matter. He's still the baddest motherfucker. He lost it, but somehow he was still won it. He was so covered in blood. Remember when he

popped that guy and he was stunned and he could have jumped on him, but instead he was like, yeah, motherfucker, that's right. And he just didn't keep fighting. The bell rang. It was like, whatever. That was cool. I love him. I love him.

All right. Time to get into voicemails. I'm going to bounce. You guys do those on your own? Yeah. Okay. Yep. All right.

Kevin had to split because he has to do somehow fucking more Halloween shit. So voicemails are going to be me and the gang. These voicemails are brought to you by 3Chi. Let me tell you what happened last night. Last night I took a 3Chi edible. I got

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It's too salty. Ate a whole fucking pint of ice cream. Then I ordered a pizza from Joe's Pizza. If you're not from New York, it's a rather famous Greenwich Village pizza that is humongous. Before that got here to my apartment, I ordered 12 tacos and two burritos from Taco Bell. Okay. I ate almost none of it. But I actually know I ate half the pizza And I had like two tacos

I gotta be honest Taco Bell is really not good But I was just kind of craving it And now that I'm talking about it I'm craving it again And I'm gonna walk by it on the way home and I'm probably gonna stop again But anyway The days of long road trips to recreational states For overpriced dispensaries Are over

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Jackie? Everybody else in the back. So last night I was leaving my buddy's house and I dapped him up and said, all right, man, I'm heading out. He says, all right, cool, I'm going to jerk off and I'm going to go to bed. And I stopped for a second and I looked at his hand and I looked at him and I said, I don't love knowing that I'm the last person that you touch before you jerked off. And he, uh, he sat there and he's laughing. He's like, Oh dude, you're the last person I've touched before jerking off more than anybody else. I said, what?

No, that can't be right. You know? And he's like, well, I i mean i think like almost every time we hang out i'll shake your hand dap you up whatever um and then like maybe a couple hours later i'll jerk off but like i didn't touch anybody in between them uh and i think i'm like man this motherfucker might be right so like i know for a fact back in college like i used to you know pat my roommate or whatever when I was going to bed. That's for shit.

And then later on, I'd jerk off or there for a while. I think my parents would probably wake me up off the couch and shit and be like, all right, hey, go to bed. And then later on, I'd jerk off. I fucking hate that. So I'm trying to think of significant others maybe, but how often are you actually jerking off after you've touched them? So, yeah, that's my question for you guys is,

who is that person in your life that you've most often touched prior to jerking off? Sorry, it's kind of convoluted, you can follow it I feel like this one's pretty straightforward actually first of all my III hate he mentioned that your parents wake you up on the couch I fucking hate how your parents do that I I the one like like when I fall asleep watching TV yeah like my dad is the my mom goes better earlier so my dad you're the one who will wake me up and be like, all right, go to bed. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I'm in bed.

So I'm going to sleep. Leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. I'm asleep. I'm like, this couch is perfectly comfortable. I sleep like, dude, I sleep on my couch in my apartment so often. That's been addressed many a time. I sleep on my couch in my apartment like, I would guess it's close to 50-50.

I've been there for about a year and a half. I would guess it's probably like 200 days on my couch, 200 days in my apartment. I would guess it's close to 50-50. I've been there for about a year and a half. I would guess it's probably like 200 days on my couch, 200 days on my bed. I've had my dad wake me up and ask if I'm comfortable on the couch. I was. Yeah. And then he's like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm like, I get you're just trying to be nice and give me a pillow, but I didn't need one anymore.

I did it. I fell asleep here. It's fine. And, yeah, I think every single time I go home that happens. It's crazy. And, again, but also I do feel bad because now we've kind of switched places in life where when your parents get older and you're kind of like – where now my dad's the one who's zonked out on the couch most of the time yeah and i just get up and

go to bed turn the lights off because that's what i would want done to me yeah i'm like his 60 year old back's gonna be hurting in the morning um but as for the regular question i don't know i don't think i really have an answer because i most of my life have had i've never really had roommates for that long first of all like when i live with lou and gaz like we didn't even talk to each other let alone touch each other that's i i don't think i've ever like dapped up my roommates before going to bed it's just like hit a pound but like it's not like like all right later babe love you like and also it's not the kind of family i grew up in we don't we didn't like hug each other and kiss each other goodnight

And shit like that He was just like alright I'm going to bed see you later So I don't know I don't touch a lot of people before bed I would guess I really don't know I don't think it's a lot of people I also don't think it's weird to be like

I don't know your fucking boy's hand I don't give a fuck I think maybe give a fuck. I think maybe with a woman, it's a little more invasive because the masturbation procedure is a little more invasive. With a guy, I don't fucking care. I don't wash my hands ever, bro.

Honestly, you want to know the question? What have I touched the most before I jerked off? Probably a subway rail. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Probably a subway rail or a sandwich. It would be my top two. In any order. It's definitely not a human being was the last thing I touched.

It's probably like food. Yeah, that was good. I'm horny now. Do you guys have an answer? No. No one's got an answer? I don't touch people, I don't think. I don't touch people.

Okay. Tonight, I'm giving all my roommates firm handshakes. They're going to have no idea. Good night, guys. Also, I'm a lefty, by the way. So I don't touch it. When I dap people up or whatever, that's my right hand. But I'm intimate with myself.

It's my left hand. I don't even think I could physically do it. Like, I wouldn't be able to do it with my left hand. Yeah, no, I can't do it with my right hand. People say that all the time. Like, oh, I do a hey stranger or whatever. I don't fucking know. That's impossible.

I'm not coordinated enough. I'm mildly ambidextrous, but not that ambidextrous. Alright. Hey guys, so way back in the ASA Cure days, Kevin and ASA had a conversation about a vibrator that you can control from your

phone, so the guy holds it, the girl has it inside of her, he can control it from the phone. What they neglected to mention in that conversation is that vibrator, you can also link it to your spotify and make it play to the beat of any song um so my question is is you get the vibrator aux what is the first song you're playing um obviously my first thing would be sandstorm i just think that would be funny um and two do you think if i guess you're the girl in this scenario, you'd be able to guess what song is playing?

Ayo Technology. I don't know if I know that one. Ayo Technology, 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake. You got me screaming, Ayo. You don't know this song? Bro, Ayo Technology. This is like an old school KS3 throw a throwback like that's my boner song bro ao technology is the best song to to fuck to it is like the beat is perfect and not again not that i'm some person who can fuck on beat i can't dance on beat let alone fuck on beat but like ao technology is the best sex song of all time

it is slow it is fast it is erotic it's about fucking ao technology if you if i was gonna put a dildo inside myself it's gonna be playing ao technology that's for goddamn sure i promise you that and would i recognize it yeah in a. This is JT's verse right here. It is. Wait, I want to play it real quick. I got it. You got it? Yeah.

Just, I don't know if we can't put it in the podcast. So I won. Who wants to come in second place? Who's got a song? I was going to say, now that you got that in my head, it's anything that JT did in that era. There were like five six songs there that all fit that vibe dude that one here with ti what was the one uh it was about traveling i used to know ti's whole verse on that one that's i think that was the one that like i wanted to know a rap song so if it came on i could sing all the words and it seemed cool.

I learned all of that, and there were three TI songs. I'm like, I can keep up with these. Tip. That one is... I mean, the definitive answer is AO Technology. I promise you. Do you know if you're actually hearing the music or just the bass? I would guess you feel like you think the fucking dildo is playing the music i actually love that like you're like like what is that noise

sorry i'm listening to ao technology in my right now um it's like the tick tocks i'm sure you can put in headphones too i don't think the dildo itself plays it's like the tick tocks put the phone in your mouth, and it plays a song. No, I don't know what that is. I don't understand the reference. Oh, yeah. I keep dropping TikTok on it. But, yeah, it's AO technology.

It's absolutely AO technology. And, yes, I would recognize it. Answer. Me? Yeah. Something like No Games by Serrani You would recognize it if you heard it

If I played it for you you would know it No Games by Serrani I'll bet you a fucking hundred dollars I don't recognize this I actually do know this song Okay I owe you a hundred dollars It's kind of a bop It's a little aggressive for me No that's a good answer

Jackie I was just purely thinking about the beat The bass Like that one Just the one they play at games Are you saying Boom boom boom I want you in my room

The Venga voice No no no Just like Boom, boom, boom. I want you in my room. The Venga Boys? No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, just like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. I don't know what you're talking about. What? I'm literally singing. It's like, it's a song.

We haven't been at frat parties in a while. Yes. Oh, okay, okay. Zombie Nation? No, no, no, no. I wouldn't know the name of the song, but I can actually kind of hear it now that you're saying that. I mean, they played it yesterday all game.

Do it again? I'm not going to keep doing it again. Now I'm getting nervous. Why? No, I think you're right. I'm just trying. It doesn't matter. I actually won't be able to tell.

I won't know the name of the song. But that's not bad either. I still won. I won this one. All right. Last voice film. All right, Last voice film. All right, KFC.

We've got a question. Well, I've got a question. What's up, Taylor? Hey, what up, Jackie? What up, Jackie? Jacked up. All right. So I've got a baby.

You guys have clearly slept with women that have had babies. So what's the difference between sleeping with a woman that has had a baby and a woman that has it or i guess a girl that has it vagina wise let's be real all right have a good night guys bye-bye that's a great question uh kevin would be better at answering it than i would i actually don't think i've ever slept with a person i was just i was just thinking that probably slept somebody that was pregnant at some point. What? Didn't have a baby. We've gotten pregnant. I'm not saying they were pregnant when I was. I'm saying they were probably pregnant at some point. I don't think I've ever slept with someone with a kid.

And also, by the way, my dick would not have any idea of the difference between anything. My dick can barely tell the difference between a mouth and a pussy. Let alone a pussy that's had a baby. Yeah, I don't know. Do you think I've ever had sex with someone pregnant? Not pregnant. Who's given birth? Nah, Jaggy?

There is, like, I have that story of when I was, like, 18 or 19 and I hooked up with a MILF. And she didn't have a kid. But I remember checking. And I don't know if I can definitively say she didn't have a kid. I went into her kitchen and just looked at the fridge. And I was like, all right, no report cards, no children's drawings.

So she doesn't have a kid kid which is not a scientific explanation but like that was all i needed to see because at 18 i was like i guess i was scared of having sex with a girl little kid um fuck i don't think i have i would actually like to ask Kevin this question. I don't think he can answer it legally. But the, yeah, I would be shocked. I'll say this. If I have had sex with a woman who has a kid, there is no difference whatsoever. But I can tell the difference in vaginas. You can or you can't? I can't.

Like, with having sex with different people different people I'm like this person's vagina feels different but it's not like this one has pushed a baby out it's just like this feels different

this is a different kind of vagina than I was with the other day or the other year whatever I don't know however often you think

I have sex that's how often I have sex fuck I wish I had a better answer to this question I don't know. However often you think I have sex, that's how often I have sex. Fuck, I wish I had a better answer to this question. I don't know. Yeah, no idea. Yeah, also, like, it is. Also, yeah, this feels like a trap.

It feels like a trap, but also, like, I mean, you know guys are stupid. You know guys don't know how to have sex. You know guys accidentally put stuff in the wrong hole. Like, if you can't tell the difference between a butthole and a vagina you can't tell the difference between pre and post baby vaginas it's just a fact and I fall into that category I don't even know what this is

I've had sex with people like can't believe we had anal last night what are you talking about oh you just went for it I've had sex with people like, can we do it again last time? Like, we had an anal last time? What are you talking about? Oh, you just went for it. I'm like, I had no clue. I can tell the difference. All right.

Now, granted, I was drunk, but what are you going to do? We might need a little bit of buffer here. Okay, I'll just do the money ball thing. I was just reading an article today in The Atlanticlantic um this morning about how it's actually a pretty interesting article and i would like to talk about it with kevin but he's not here um so we're gonna talk with you guys it is about how moneyball ruined america just just the book or movie or like like just the idea of moneyball like American culture, which isn't really shocking news. Like, there wasn't anything, like, particularly revelatory in the article, but it was, like, breaking down how, like, it's not that, like, baseball isn't popular anymore.

It's just that we solved it. Like, we know how to play baseball now, and it's not as entertaining. And it's talking about, like, finite versus infinite games. And, like, winning a baseball game is a finite thing. Yeah. So you do the best thing you can to win that game, which is... Just get someone on the base. You know, you use six pitchers a game, high velocity.

The batter's trying to change their launch angle to have a higher likelihood of hitting a home run. But infinitely, in the infinite game, that makes baseball pretty boring. Do you know in the 90s that there were five times as many hits per game as there were strikeouts? I believe that. Now there are far more strikeouts than hits per game, which obviously takes away from the game. But then it extrapolated all that and kind of made it more into uh like all of american culture where like people are like like uh like hollywood sucks now

right like all they do is reboots and stuff like that and sequels it's like yeah that's not because they're dumb it's because they're smart yeah those would make a ton of money what do you like i don't know like and that sucks because there's no more like original uniqueness to it but they don't really take risks like i mean even when we had uh ben schwartzen when he was like they don't make comedies they don't make 10 to 12 million dollar comedies right which like which is what shout out brad pitt that's what his company does they don't really do comedies, but they do... Like indie movies? It's called Plan B Productions, which is like their... I think it's actually such a weird gap.

I believe it's under $10 million budget is considered an indie movie. Yeah. And then like a major motion picture is considered $100 million budget. So he does in between, which is a humongous window. Yeah. It's a $90 million window. But he also is, again, shout out Brad Pitt, considered one of the most supportive black voices in Hollywood.

Obviously, his voice itself is not a black voice. But he makes a ton of movies. He did 12 Years a Slave. He did Selma. He did 12 Years a Slave. He did Selma. He did Moonlight. Oh, wow. He did a ton of what are considered to be some of the better black movies made in the last decade were all produced by Brad Pitt's company. I don't know why I said that.

But also like- Him and De Niro. De Niro is also considered one. Oh, no shit. Yeah. I didn't know that. One of the things that just got a reboot, which I thought, what, do you remember Sausage Party? I never saw it, but I know the movie. I just remember hearing it was fucking terrible.

And even the parts I've seen, I'm like, this is a stretch. This is one of the last thing all those guys did together, I feel like. And then all kind of went their separate ways, like Seth Rogen and them that just got greenlit for like a full Disney, not Disney, but like Amazon series. Oh, I do got a sequel. It's a series.

Yeah. It's going to be a whole like little TV show, which I'm like, I don't understand how they're like, I could not disagree more with you, Nick. I think that that was absolutely like, that was genius. that entire movie.

It was art. It was truly art. They didn't miss. I was laughing from beginning to end. Really? Maybe I'll have to watch it. It's creative. Also, they obviously were on drugs when they did it,

and it's just so creative. It's so cool. Really? Sausage Party gets overlooked, and it doesn't get the credit it deserves. I fucking love sausage. I think that might be like an age thing. Like when it came out.

I was surprised. I heard it was very funny. Oh, I heard only bad things. I mean, maybe like critics, but like, I mean. No, not like any comment. I mean, like from friends. From friends? Yeah, no, I don't.

82% right. Even the critics. All right. Maybe I'm fucking wrong about sausage. But yeah, in that article, the one in Atlantic, it talks about how it breaks down music, how I guess pre-'90s, it wasn't...

Billboard couldn't check stats, so they just had to listen to the record labels on who was their most popular thing but the record labels would always just lie yeah and they'd be like they would just promote who they thought was the best or who they wanted to be the best and post 90s they're like we're actually just going to take the data and we'll make our own and like pre-90s everyone was like oh rock and roll is the biggest brand in america our biggest music in America. And then as soon as they actually got the numbers, they're like, oh no, it's hip-hop and country.

No one likes rock and roll. And it is basically about how then because of the Billboard charts being accurate, popular songs stayed on them longer, which means then people wanted to sound like those songs, which means all songs sound the same now. And then also all movies are the same now like it did like it wasn't that big a gap it was they did 2019 to 2022 the top 10 movies in both

years are the exact same like it's two marvel movies two cartoon sequels uh a batman reboot um a 90s blockbuster, Top Gun, I don't know what the one in 2019 was, whatever. But the top 10 is like the exact same, they're all the exact same movies. And the argument is that like,

it's not that Hollywood got dumb, it's Hollywood got smart. We're like, okay, this is what makes money, let's just keep making this. But that's the moneyballification of it all, and it fucking ruined basically American culture. Wait culture Is it saying that the movie Moneyball Is what The idea of Moneyball

Billy Bean basically We can all blame Billy Bean Billy Bean ruined American culture My favorite movie ruined all of the future And by the way Didn't even get a World Series out of it Ruined the country and didn't even get a World Series out of it. Just ruined the country and didn't even get a World Series out of it. They also don't talk about they had three All-Stars on that team.

That is... Don't get me started about that goddamn fucking movie. I also love that movie. They forget to mention Miguel Tejada, fucking Mulder, Zito, and there was someone else too, right? Hudson. Yeah. They forget to mention Tejada and the three Cy Young candidates on that team.

Yeah. And it's all Scott Hatterberg. Bro. Which is, I mean, I love Scott Hatterberg. Shout out, Red Sox legend. I believe also the only Red Sox player to hit, I want to say two grand slams in the same inning. What?

I think, maybe it's the same game. But he hit like... And maybe... Honestly, they might have been from two separate sides of the plate. I'm actually interested to see... I know Tatis and his dad, I believe, both did it. Bill Miller, no.

No more, no. Tatis, there he is. Fucking Hatterberg Did something I'm gonna I'm gonna google that real quick Because I want to give an answer for that I watched When Harry Met

Sally Is that what it's called? Yeah Last night Oh you know what it was? It was Groudon's with Triple Play And had a grand slam in the same game

Yes Yeah That is a legend move. Warrior of St. Paves? I watched Harry Met Sally for the first time last night like through and on at like 1 a.m.

Billy Crystal does not have a bad outfit that entire movie. I mean, just 10 out of 10 across the board. I have not. I did not notice that.

I've only seen it once. I did see Banshees of Intron recently. It's unbelievable. Colin Farrell doesn't have a bad outfit that one you said you saw it twice right so I've seen it twice yeah look at this yeah but the yeah it's a fire fit I watch it with Kevin you know how guys do it this this actually this movie led to one of the bigger fights i ever got in with one of my girlfriends um and it was like

the perfect relationship fight so it was her favorite movie of all time and she loved it and she wanted me to watch it with her and i was like fine we'll watch it and in it there is a a you know the fucking the beaker be the bird and i thought i was like you know it'd be very cute like you know what i'm talking about i haven't seen the movie but i know what you're talking about yeah yeah they dip in they dip in the water yeah and it's it's not a focal point of the movie but it comes into play like two or three separate times i think and um i was like you'll be very cute with me is that if i i get her one of these on prime and i just did it during the movie i was like i'm gonna buy her one of these beaker birds or whatever they're fucking called and uh and then she was furious that i was on my phone during her favorite

movie so we got in like a big fight and i didn't but i didn't want to tell her why i was on my phone during her favorite movie. So we got in a big fight. But I didn't want to tell her why I was on the phone because I wanted it to be a surprise. And she's like, you know this is my favorite movie and you don't even care to pay attention. I'm like, I do know it's your favorite movie and I'm trying to do something sweet right now. And then literally we fought. We were away for the weekend. And we fought the we were away for the weekend

and we fought the entire weekend like not like actually actively fighting but like she was she was clearly

very upset with me the whole weekend and I didn't tell her no I thought it would be better as a surprise so then when it came I surprised her with it

and I was like by the way this is what I was doing on my phone during the movie and I thought it would be cute I thought you'd love it and she's like I love it so much why the fuck didn't you tell me this is what I was doing on my phone during the movie and I thought it would be cute I thought you'd love it and she's like I love it so much

why the fuck didn't you tell me this is what you were doing on your phone and we had a new fight alright so now we're gonna get into our interviews

Kim Congdon is gonna be our first one Kim is brought to you by Hey Dude Hey Dude are insanely comfortable, light, easy. You know what? I'll go ahead and say it. They're an epiphany for your feet.

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15% off. Let's hear from Kim. Kim Condon's back. Whoa. What's up? What up? How we doing? You guys didn't even give me a second to make sure my nipple was in my shirt.

That was the plan. I know this nipple was out. I'll go. I'm back, baby. What's up? You were early. I'll go. I'm back, baby. What's up? You were early. I like it. I was very early.

I was 30 minutes early. I needed to pee. And I came in with wine shank and she was like, did you tell them you were coming in early? And I was like, no, do you have to do that? Nah. I just don't like late people. Yeah, I feel like early is good. I usually get here right before an interview, but we had an interview earlier today, so

I was already here. Shit got canceled. It was the best. I'll be honest. I'm so happy to have you here, but if you canceled, it would have been great. Yeah, I'm sorry. It is a good day to cancel. Perfect, right?

We got caught in the worst rain coming here, but I'm glad. I'm only here for a week, so I had to come see you guys. That's so nice. I'm in L.A. L.A. You're in L.A.? Mm-hmm. I don't think I knew that. You grew up in Florida, right? But you you grew up florida right but you're up in florida i'm

in la florida whereabouts um central florida central florida we're the alligators yeah i went to school at gainesville the swamp yeah um i grew up in is it true that gainesville is so big that legally they have to put every class online because you can't be imagined to be able to make it across campus to your next class. Get the fuck out of here. I went to FSU, so that was when we were there. I've actually never heard that, but it is that big and all the classes are online, so it makes sense.

I didn't really go to class that much. Me neither. I went to FSU for two years. Yeah, I wasn't there for the class. Did you graduate? I did not. I dropped out I only went to FSU for two years. Yeah, I wasn't there for like the class. Did you graduate? I did not. I dropped out. I dropped out with like two semesters left. That's my girl again. How many totals did you just go there? I just went there, yeah. So, what

if you subsequently went to six more colleges and didn't get a degree? Not six more. I had two before. Oh, you went to six colleges? You went to six other colleges. Seven colleges. How do you, I mean, I guess. Like, at what point do you just fucking give up?

That is so white to get accepted into six colleges. No, it's not. No, it's the other way around. Not anymore. Not anymore. You're right. You're right. Yeah, we didn't get accepted to shit anymore.

Sorry, we're taking over. You are. It's such bullshit. I'm sorry. You've had eternity. No, we don't get accepted for shit anymore. Sorry, we're taking over. You are. It's bullshit. I'm sorry. You've had eternity. No, here's the thing. I haven't had shit. I know.

50 years ago I had it all. I know. We don't get shit, man. I know. I don't give a fuck that my grandfather had it good. I know. I ain't getting jobs. I would feel bad, but I think it's legal for me.

It's a creative industry. Yeah, no, it's funny when that gets voiced. It's like... I get what you mean, but it just doesn't sound great. But it's also like everyone has their thing.

I'm a woman in comedy. I'm like, yeah. Every time I get on stage People are like I don't know how you guys do it I just wouldn't do it Yeah I mean You gotta be really

Fucking passionate Yeah well I grow up Like it Also like It's very funny Comedians are Obviously traumatized children Cause they're like

To like this It's like It's like when people In the bedroom Like being choked The career Well hang on That's everybody

I was gonna say That's gone mainstream. That's gone too mainstream. It's not everybody. Well, you know, what's gone mainstream is like a little like, you know,

a little. A little light. A little squeezy. A little squeezy. It's the army hammer shit that like, that's like. When the army hammer shit dropped,

it was like, I was like, I might be behind the times. What happened with that? Was he eating people? Yeah, he was eating bitches. He was eating bitches. Wow. was like, I might be behind the times. What happened with that? Was he eating people? Yeah, he was eating bitches. He was eating bitches. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal. He was cutting off their flesh, cooking it, and eating it. I don't believe that. I think he admitted it, right? Are you an Armie Hammer true? He said he did it. Did he say he did it? He's like, but he didn't mean it.

I've often said, not to women, but to microphones. I'd probably try person. Yeah, I would try. If you gave me human that said, and if you gave me a chunk of your flesh, I would eat it. You have to be careful. Damn it, I almost had a lawsuit. If you said you can take some of my skin, my flesh, and eat it, and it was all somehow like, you know, it wasn't a murder or something, I would try it. You guys should eat each other's flesh on the show. I thought about that.

We'd get a lot of subscribers. We would. We'd also get a lot of subscribers. We'll eat each other. You know what you could do? You could cut it off the ends of your nails. You know that hard part that you can take off with a clipper? And then you can just season it and boil it and you guys can try each other's flesh. I've eaten that before. I eat that every day. Honey, this is my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Oh, goodness gracious. This and the inside of my cheek fill me up on the daily. Just like a little nibble. That's probably why I can't lose weight. I never stop snacking. It answers the question. I'm always eating myself. Like, what happens to it?

Do you get fat or do you disappear if you eat yourself? It's the worst kind of self-eating. But I watched the Dahmer, the new show, and when I saw him cooking up a liver or whatever. What was that? I don't know. Did it look good to you? No, it did not.

That's why I felt bad about how many times I professed that I would eat a person because I saw cash was on the table and I was like, you don't look good. How many times have you said you would eat a person? Too many. A lot. Too many. That sounds like it. It's too many times have you said you would eat a person too many too many that sounds like it's too many times

I'm overcompensating well when the army hammer shit came out army kinda got fucked but also is an absolute despicable monster

and deserves the worst I still buy the detergent wait is that his family yeah arm and hammer I think there's some story I heard it on

another podcast I think they bought like story I heard it on another podcast I think they bought Like the other family's name To be like We're just fucking You're out of it Like there's Army Hammer And there's Arm and Hammer

And they like They're so rich That they like Did some shit Where they like Paid for the copyright That's actually technically No more confusion

Like it's just one thing Wow That's what happened With the Maras They did that to the Roonies By naming Mara Rooney What is that? Is that baseball or something that to the Roonies by naming. Mara Rooney? Rooney Mara. What is that?

Is that baseball or something? Football. The Roonies own the Steelers. The Maras own the Giants. And Rooney Mara, the actress, is somehow both their families. It's like Mike and Ike. That's my version of football. The bitch loves the snack.

Back it up again. Tell Kim what you ate last night Do the rundown Okay He comes in last night Now I need to know Yeah I put you on the spot That was rude

But you're doing it Yeah He came in and he goes Camera's off Everything He just goes I need a nightly text Don't drink a gallon of milk anymore

Oh You drank a gallon So that's what I said And then he goes No it wasn't just A gallon of milk It was just dairy in general And I said What did you eat And I said So I started Here's, no, it wasn't just a gallon of milk. It was just dairy in general. And I said, what did you eat?

And I said, so I started. Here's how it is. So last night was a rain day, right? If you were in New York, I don't know if you landed today or not. It was just like this last night. Yeah, it was bad. So I was like, I'm going to get fucked. I'm going to smoke weed.

I'm going to get fat and watch TV tonight. Eat my skin. And so I put it in order first for Shake Shack. I got the Hot Ones burger, a Smoke Shack, and the cheese fries. Bacon cheese fries. Two burgers, bacon cheese fries. Sounds fun.

Yep. That ended up at the tip of the iceberg. That order kept getting pushed back because of the rain and all that shit. And I was like, fuck this.

This is taking forever. So while that waited, I ordered, I opened DoorDash. That's why. I did it on Seamless. I opened DoorDash and was like,

I'm going to get pizza from right down the street. So I got a pizza with jalapeno poppers and mozzarella sticks. I'm in. Okay. Got that. Ate that. Then I get a text that the Shake Shack had been canceled. So I was like, fuck that.

I walked downstairs to the bodega At the bottom of my apartment I got Fucking Frosted flakes Apple jacks Haribo Gummy bears And vanilla ice cream Also by the way At the pizza place

I forgot I got an Italian cheesecake Oh my god I have the receipt And a pint of ice cream And a pint of ice cream At the bodega Is this alone?

This is alone Yeah this is solo de la It's crazy. I respect it. When I got back upstairs, and I fucking saw that the, I ordered another, I ordered the Shake Shack again. I did drop the cheese fries this time. It would not be denied.

So I got the Hot Ones burger, I got the Smoke Shack, and I got a, not a custard, a- A shake? A toffee, a salted toffee shake. And then a pint of ice cream. Then gummy bears, mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, a pizza. Just two slices of pizza. I know. Just two.

That is. You're not even a big guy. It doesn't seem like you could eat all that. His insides are just a tragedy. He's shitting right now. The problem is he's not. I don't know where it goes. No, that's not coming out for a month.

Jesus. It's just locked in there. Kevin has said if you cut me open, it's like the shark in John. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? License plates and tires and shit. Human flesh. Yeah, I was going to say it's better than fucking fingernail clippings. Oh, man.

I don't know, man. If you were going to pick a part of a body to eat. Oh, good question. Which one would you pick? I think it's got to be like your ass or your thighs. No, your ass seems too fatty for me. Yeah, me too. That's like a prime rib.

I don't like fatty meat. Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. I would stick with the breast. I think it works. Breast seems too fatty too. But like maybe a pec. How about that? Maybe someone who works out a lot, their breast.

That seems too. A muscly. No, that'd be like chewy. No, no, no. You got to go thigh. That's why I'm sayingcly... No, that'd be like chewy. No, no, no. You gotta go thigh. That's why I'm saying I'll just eat that ass. Thigh is that... Thigh is dark meat, not for me.

Yeah. Not a dark meat guy. I feel offended somehow. Tim's gonna leave. Wow, this is middle school all over again. Gotta go. I remember you're Puerto Rican and Irish. I'm Puerto Rican, yeah.

We talked about this last time, and I couldn't remember who it is. So is Shank. Isn't that crazy? No. I'm Puerto Rican. Yeah. We talked about this last time and I couldn't remember who it is. So is Shank. Isn't that crazy? No. No way. Really? And Jewish. Okay.

I was going to say and Jewish. That's crazy. Puerto Rican, Irish, and Jewish. Yeah. That's like the Holy Trinity. You're crazy. You must be a trip. We'll find out tomorrow.

That is something. I remember it was Ricky Velez is Puerto Rican and Irish. Oh, okay. That makes sense. That actually energetically makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's Valette's Puerto Rican and Irish. Oh, okay. That makes sense. That actually energetically makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's... But then you throw Jew in there.

That's like... I don't even know. Yeah. You have to check her gums to see what breed she is. But the problem with Army was like he... A lot of that, he found some crazy bitches who were down with that shit you know what I mean

so wait and then he took it too far and I you're right I don't know if he actually did eat them or he said he wanted to I think there was a part

where he like did eat some meat he did I think he ate part of a finger yeah something something like that but all those like snippies

he scissored them he like up until probably the very end when it got, like, really bad and abusive and, like, the girl wanted out, there was probably a lot of, like, fuck yeah, daddy, you know? You don't just find yourself in that situation right away. If Armie Hamer told me he wanted to eat a piece of meat, he'd get a piece of meat. That's all I'm saying. He'd be like, but let me get a deck so I can eat it too. I'm hungry. I got delivery on the way.

I can't wait for it. It's raining out, dude. Come on. Spit my finger out. I mean, he was, you know, he was like a Hollywood fucking, you know, he's tall, handsome. Like, there's probably a lot of chicks who are just like, yeah, whatever you want to do. He's 6'5", 220 pounds, and there's two of me. Yeah, exactly.

Fucking Winklevoss out there. But, like, I think when that whole thing came out, I think I remember reading that they were doing, you know how TikTok starts investigating, and they were doing this investigation. He was out of town at the same time, working on this construction site for no reason, at the same time that all these girls went missing and their bodies were never found. Yeah, so don't get me wrong. And it was in the same town. He's definitely a mass murderer.

He's a serial killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't want to be pro-army. Dude, TikTok is the worst. No, TikTok is the best. The best. It's like, I'm a murderer because this fucking 16-year-old girl said I did construction. He's like, I didn't do construction.

I was born rich. And I'm still rich. I've never touched a shovel in my life. Do you like TikTok? Are you a TikTok girl? I love. I live and die for TikTok? Are you a TikTok girl? I love. I live and die for TikTok. Are you a true crime girl?

Not necessarily. Not like all the other weirdos out there? No. I mean, in my algorithm, I'll get the good dark shit. I'm a big, like, I get a lot of 911 calls on my algorithm. Jesus. Yeah, yeah. It's so dark.

Yeah, I get a lot of release 911 calls. And you like those? I don't not like them. That is the... There's something that's very, like, I get, like, very curious about, like, death and stuff like that. I'm very, like, I'm so scared of it, but then I'm like, are you into it?

I saw you perk up. I'm, like, into death. All of them. It's nuts. Like, okay, so in college, me and my friend found this website. This is so fucked up, and you're going to think I'm a psycho, but we found this website this is so fucked up and you're gonna think i'm a psycho but we found this website called mydeathspace.com and um and actually popped

up when i was looking for myspace.com my death space and it's like everybody that dies if they have social media they'll do an article you can go down you can see the people it tells you like the headline of how they died like mark age 15 fell off a boat blah blah a boat, blah, blah, blah. Then you can click on it. It gives you the details of the death, and then you can click on the social medias of the families and the people. And I would spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. Bro, what? Yeah.

Bro, that's, first of all, I get upset when I hear about websites that I don't know about from, like, back in the day like that. I'm like, I thought I knew all of them. I thought I did the whole internet. Oh, I finished the internet in 2010. I went to the end. I went to the end. You went to the end. Second of all, that is one of the darkest things I've ever heard.

Yeah. You just sit around reading social media profiles. I used to. Of dead kids. Of Mark who fell off a boat and died. Yeah, pre-therapy, yeah. We've worked through it. What did the therapist say about that?

Well, I was terrified of dying. Like, terrified. I had a crippling anxiety about dying in college because one of my friends died, and then it was so scary to me. And then, yeah, I don't know. When I was on the website, it kind of made me feel better to see how many people just died all the time.

I get that. In my head, it was kind of like, well, we're all going to do it. It kind of made me feel like that, but it was not helping. You know what fucks me up is everybody thinks it's not going to be me. Like cancer or getting hit by a fucking bus or struck by lightning. I wake up every day. Yeah, John does.

You're like, it's going to be me. Well, yeah. I'm one of those crazy people who knows I'm going to die. No. You know what? Is it fucked up that when you said that, I was like, oh, at least there's people sacrificing. We don't have to. It doesn't have to be me if he knows it's him.

Take him instead. He wants it. He's asking for it. God, you hear him? He's begging for it. I talk to him every night about it. He's heard me. John's going to kill himself one day.

Oh, my God. And we're going to play this clip clip and I'm going to go viral. Follow me on Twitter. It's going to look so bad for me when you kill yourself. Why? Because it's like I knew it was happening and I should have stopped it. No, the warning signs were there. I stopped it.

It's what he wanted. I gave him his make a wish. I pulled the trigger. You saying about the 911 calls Reminds me of Theo Epstein Who used to be The GM of the Boston Red Sox

Okay And when he was So depressed This might be Darker than you He would sit at Fenway Park Which is where

The Red Sox play And with like Long after everyone Left the building Okay And just listen to The air traffic Controller calls

Of plane crashes Oh that I cannot do. That's fucking dark. Imagine pilots and people being like, we're going down, we're going down. I can't. And the air traffic, the tower is probably trying to talk you through it. What do you want me to do?

I've done a few plane crashes on TikTok, and as dark as it, I scroll right past it. I'm like, I fly way too much. Yeah, that's crazy for you guys. Every time I'm on a plane, I'm like, this makes no fucking sense. Yeah, none of it. None of it makes sense. I look at the pilot. I'm like, this makes no fucking sense. Yeah, none of it. None of it makes sense. I look at the pilot. I'm like, it's just a dude that looks dumb.

Yeah. It's just like a dude named Phil. Yeah. But then they tell you. He's carrying all of us. Then they tell you like, well, the pilots don't even really fly. Like the computers do everything. I'm like, well, my computers and shit break all the fucking time.

My shit breaks all the time. My phone resets like once a day, just goes black for a second. My shit just glitches. Yep. Well, I guess it's because they put out maybe planes like iPhones, when they put out a new one, the old one just starts crashing. Oh, shit.

You've got to get rid of this one. Send it down. Yeah, no. Every time I'm like, I'm shocked that it works. And it's so casual. It's so casual. You know when you get off the plane and the pilot stands there and thanks everyone? I really thank him i like him in that no i blow him i suck him off to

completion and i'm like that's what he but i think that's what everyone's waiting for in the back of the plane open the cabin door that's why it takes so long to get off i'm in the front running to the front and suck them off real quick but i feel like they deserve that i feel like pilots deserve like a little suck. Everyone should give them one suckle on their way out. I'm like, the work you did. The last guy, he comes. Row 30F.

That's what you get for having the bathroom spot. But I feel like pilots deserve so much more. Have you ever seen a picture of an app that has a plane tracker all over and if you just see the number of planes in the air at any given moment, just over America it's fucking that gives me comfort where it's like planes really don't crash like, you know what I mean?

Like a billion flights a day and you know, one of them crashed every like, but imagine that's why I'm saying like so everyone's always like it's not me and if I was on a plane that's going down I'd be like it's fucking me I had a friend one time on a plane who

the emergency door ripped open on the flight it opened on the flight and they had emergency my friend Bobby that's what he said who knows if it's a true story but he seems like a truthful person so anybody in the comments like that's physically impossible. I don't know. That's what I was told. And it's scared me every single time since I'm like, how did you see the duct tape? There was a plane like just

yesterday. It was just a comfort. The wing was just covered in duct tape. I've had a plane that had duct tape on the wing, too. Yeah. I swear to God. I'm like, it should be illegal. Look at that. That looks like that shit's just been- I've had a plane like that. Like put back together with duct tape. I've had a plane like that. Like throw some peanut butter on it.

Stick some fucking tape on it. It'll be fine. One of those TikTok videos where they like put peanut butter and like resin in it. Yeah, yeah. This says, airline explains why plane blah, blah, blah.

That's not fair when they explain stuff. It's like, well, I don't know. I don't understand what you're saying. It's speed tape, which was most likely used to cover peeling paint. It's like, likely fucking story. Yeah, then paint it. Fix the paint. I don't need to do a better tape job than just like the X, you know, like Billy Mays here.

Stick it on your plane. You'll be able to fly. No, I fucking I. I think that there should be two airports i think there should be one airport for people who take a vacation once a year and are not used to traveling it's a good idea and another airport for people freaking flyers fucking move some of the rules there too you know it's like it's like like we need to do something where you like super super super promise

to not bring a bomb on a plane and then you can just go yes like I really really promise I don't have a gun or a bomb or a knife and I can just let me out it's not like it works anyways

the amount of drugs and fucking shit I've gotten through sometimes I'll go through and I'm like oh shit there's a knife in here and I'm like how did they not catch it

I've had a girlfriend hit me on a plane before she's like I forgot about this and it was mace and mace apparently is like one of the most dangerous things you can me on a plane before. She's like, I forgot about this. And it was mace. And mace apparently is one of the most dangerous things you can bring on a plane because all the air is just getting recycled. Yeah, so you mace the whole fucking...

So it's just, everyone gets fucking maced. Oh, hilarious. Even if there's like one accident. That would be almost tempting to bring on a plane, right? That would be just... Uh-oh, everybody itchy? Whoopies. The worst part about security, the worst thing that's ever happened to me with security is that we had one time, I don't know if you were with me or not, but it was a KFC radio trip.

And the line got real backed up. What happened was they had to close one of the lines, so then they put all into one. And the line got crazy backed up, and they were like, all right, you know what, everybody? Leave your shoes on. Leave your laptops in your bag. I hate that. And I was like, so it's all been fake to do it? I was like, so like, it's all been fake?

It all doesn't matter ever? That one motherfucker had the shoe bomb, right? Yeah. And now we've all been barefoot in LaGuardia for that fucking dickhead. But like, if I never had that one time

of realizing that it's all fake, then it wouldn't bother me as much going through when they make me take it off. Right, right, right. But now I'm like, well, they let me through without it. It's the mental, yeah.

It's the mental. They just think if you're gonna get caught, you won't bring anything. It's bullshit.. Right, right, right. But now I know. I'm like, well, they let me through without it. It's the mental, yeah. It's the mental. They just think if you're going to get caught, you won't bring anything. It's bullshit. I mean, really, it's 9-11's fault. I almost got hit with a no-fly list one time on an airport. For being brown? For almost getting into a fight, a physical fight.

That sounds about right. Yeah. It wasn't my fault. Can I explain myself? That also sounds about right. Listen. I thought you were just drinking a nip for a second. I was like, you go hard.

Just getting drunk over there. What'd you do? Okay, so I'm on the plane, and the plane was packed. I got on kind of late. So by the time I got on, there was no place above for me to put my – so I had to put it two rows back, like two seats back, my stuff. So the plane gets up. We're about in the middle section, and everyone's going.

And I'm trying to get my bag, but I can't get back there to go back up, and I'm kind of waiting. And at one point I'm like, I'm not going to wait until the whole plane deplanes. I'm close to the front. I'm just going to go like, can you give me one second? I need to grab my bag.

And when I go to do that, I reach up, and the girl that I said that to was like, well, if you're sitting over there, your bag should be near your stuff. And she says it really loud, and it's like when everyone's getting off. And I said there was and i said do you want to die bitch i said well there is no room for my stuff so you're gonna have to wait so i said that and i grabbed my stuff and she's like i don't she's like i don't have to fucking wait and i said whatever bitch she's

being a bitch i said whatever bitch so she's going off she's going off and at this point I'm dating Louis you know Louis so this is already a bad accessory for an argument and I get off the plane before him he's like behind me we had different seats

at the time because we hated each other and that had to be a disaster don't even get me started my PTSD is going to kick in no I love Louis he's the best

but so then i i get off the plane and um and i'm waiting for him and he can tell i'm upset and i'm at and as he comes up we're still on the ramp between the airport and the plane like you know the ramp part in the hallway and i'm standing there waiting for him and as i'm telling him she's coming around the corner so i'm like i don't want to talk about it you know just let it go she's coming around the corner we're kind of getting our stuff together and she says, she has like this little dog

and she says something like she calls me like a cunt or something when she comes by and Louis goes like, what the fuck did you say? And they start arguing and they're arguing and they're in each other's faces

and then she spits in his face. There's no one around. What? For some reason, right when she spit in his face, it was like the one moment where there was nobody walking. You know, there was like gaps. There was no one around what for some reason right when she spit in his face it was like the one moment where there was nobody walking

you know there was like gaps there was no one there and then he spits back right when people come around the corner so all these people

see is Louis who's like 10 times bigger than this girl spit at this girl's chest that's a dumb look at her chest that's a dumb look

so then they're like about to fight and then like it starts getting loud and people get involved and they're in between. And it was very confusing because when he spit at her, she kept yelling, I'm calling TMZ. And I was like, bitch, we're both in coach.

Like who are you calling TMZ on? Nobody knows either of us. Maybe she's famous. I don't know. She kind of looked like she was in entertainment, but she kept saying, I'm calling TMZ. I'm calling TMZ. And I was like, whatever. So then I moved those back.

Good, I'll get some followers out of it. So I'm arguing with her. I push Liz back. There's airport security in between us, and I'm like, you're a bitch, blah, blah, blah. And we're kind of going back and forth. And I'm trying to say, you spit at him. That's why this is happening.

You spit first. I'm telling her she's acting like an animal. I'm going hard. And then she takes her phone and she puts it in my face. She's like, TMZ, TMZ. And I grab her phone and I fucking chuck it down the hallway as far as it can go into the airport. And I hear it smash. She just comes after me and I duck.

And she's going so crazy that all of security needs to hold her and me and lewis dip out we just leave and then the the lady that checks you in is like you can't leave we need to call the police and i was like we're not standing we're running we leave literally it was like a bond movie lewis takes off his hat his jacket i take off my jacket we separate i go into this is the most romantic thing i've ever heard i can't believe you two you kids didn't make it i changed my shit we meet back in escalators. At this point, there's people with earpieces

looking around for us and we both duck into different cabs and leave. Come on. And I'm like, I literally wouldn't have been able to fly if we got caught.

That is a fucking awesome story. Yeah. I cracked her shit. Yeah. Dude, that's- If I ever see you, bitch, it's on. It's on site.

Yo. Stay here. The police are coming. Yeah, okay. Getting involved in. It's on site. Yo. Stay here. The police are coming. Getting involved in your girl's fight is a... Particularly if it's a guy saying something to her, that's a whole different story. It sucks. But if your girl's fighting with a girl, you're like, dude, I'm like, that is... He should have just let her call me a cunt and we could have moved on.

Well, of course. But it was so much more fun that way. Yeah. Plus... It felt so good to break her phone. Oh, that... I mean, that... You must have felt like fucking Tom Brady in that moment. And she had it in my face break her phone. Oh, I mean, you must have felt like fucking Tom Brady

in that moment. And the security was in between us and I just grabbed it. Oh, man. And she lost her shit. Her dog was in between us

all tangled up. I was like, don't hurt the dog. The white people are going to get mad. Please. That's where I'll go down. That's the only part

that will get me canceled. Man, that is a satisfying story. Yeah, it was good. It was very fun. Good time. Were you aiming the phone or were you just throwing it haphazardly? I was aiming it towards anything that looked metal. I heard it hit.

I just aimed it towards something that would break it. I just chucked it as hard as I could. You say that Lewis should have just let her call you a cunt, but whatever consequences happen from that fight probably pale in comparison to how much he was going to hear it from you if you just let him

call you a cunt. If I just let him. Are you just going to let people call me a cunt now? Are you just going to let a girl? You can't say that when it's girl v. girl. Bro.

I feel like if it was a guy, I would say that but I would say it was a girl now. A guy is a completely different story. A guy would have been like, you're a pussy. You should have killed him. We should have never been on a plane different a guy would have been like you're a pussy you should have killed him we should have never been on a

plane again you should have been in prison but yeah I love the like the clothes change put the hair up take the hat off

oh it was like we're looking for a girl like you know dark hair long hair you could see them holding their earpieces they

weren't even dressed like airport people like I'd never seen people like they were like in suits I was like oh what, what is happening? But she was making a scene, thank God, when we left.

That's a good distraction. And we dipped. And I remember Lewis being like, we're not staying here. I'm pushing past the lady. I mean, that's crazy to be like, wait here, the cops are coming. Oh, yeah, sure thing. I'll smell you later. Let me wait until I get arrested.

And then separate cabs. Love it. Amazing. The drama is unmatched. What airport was this? Oh, God. It was one of them. I think it was LaGuardia. New York, yeah.

Yeah, I think it was LaGuardia. I almost want this to happen to me. Really? It's just rare that you get in like a pseudo movie situation. And it's rare that you get to find out how you would act when the chips are down. Oh, I know how to act. You would just fold. I'd fold like a pseudo movie situation and it's rare that you get to like find out how you would act when the chips are Down oh, I know how that you just fold Dude I wouldn't say Bitch from the beginning it really set it off. I should have just let her have an attitude

But I'm the kind of person I'm like if you're being a bitch you need to be told I'm just the Irish part yeah so I'm just gonna sit in my seat till everyone's gone and I'm gonna get up and get my bag and I'm gonna go fuck myself I'm gonna go hit the bar at the airport right after the flight for some reason we arrived at yeah that's like one of my favorite Louis CK jokes where he's like he's like to tell you who I am like I got Auntie Anne's at the airport I landed at yeah no I've stopped the bars I landed at relatable the uh i mean like i feel like most times if you are in a fight situation or uh like a police situation or whatever you like to think

like that's before i go to bed every night or when i'm in the shower i'm like all right i would do this and i would do that right here and in reality i'd probably be like oh fuck yeah but yeah you guys I'm not I'm not saying it would have gone down differently yeah no it would have gone down very differently it would have been I would have sat in my seat and might have my goddamn business I don't know if I told this story last time but I've gotten into two like actual fights my whole life like actual physical fights and they were with the same people at separate occasions when I was in college I drove six and a half hours away from my school

to go to Panama City Beach for spring break. You know what's up. So I was in Panama City. Me and my girlfriend were having a great time. I'd never been there before. I'm 18,

having the best time. I meet this guy on this beach concert. There's like this concert and there's like a stage in the middle of the beach and just thousands of people surrounding the stage.

And I'm like flirting with this guy. We're drinking. I can't see. He's like, let me put you on my shoulders. I flirting with this guy. We're drinking. I can't see. He's like, let me put you on my shoulders. I'm on his shoulders. We're having a great time. I'm having the time of my life. Suddenly, this girl comes up to him.

And she's like, what the fuck are you doing? And it's obviously his girlfriend. Like very clearly. Tough spot when another girl's pussy's on your head. I was like, I peed on him. He's mine. I don't know what to tell you. Mark,

I tell you. Smell the back of his neck. Tell me whose he is. But I'm standing up there and I'm like, like hella awkward and then she takes this Coors Light can

full, unopened and just hits me in the face with it. Yeah, that shit. From like here to there, she just chucks it at my face and hits me in the face

and I fall backwards. And he grabs me from my ass cheeks and throws me on top of her. He, like, forces a fight, basically. Well, you know. Yeah, he, like, takes me and throws me on top of her. So I'm on top of her. She starts hitting me. I naturally start hitting her back.

We're fighting, and then her friends start jumping in. They're hitting me in the head with bottles. Yeah, it was, like, a crazy fight. I got, like, jumped. So then it all happens. I don't, I don't, I wouldn't say I won the fight. I did pretty well for fighting three people at the same time.

I had like scratches on my face the rest of spring break like a whore. And I stayed the rest of spring break. I was like, this is not ruining my fun. Everyone kept being like, you're the girl. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, you'd be a celebrity yeah I was at the bikini contest

with scars but so then that happens everything's fine I drive six hours back to school a week and a half later

it comes by I go to this place called Techno Tuesday if you went to UF you know about Techno Tuesday what up so I go to Techno Tuesday and when I'm waiting

to go to the bathroom I see the girl for some reason from Panama City waiting by, and when I'm waiting to go to the bathroom, I see the girl, for some reason, from Panama City, waiting by the bathroom. The same girl. Waiting to pee or waiting for you? Waiting to pee. She's just waiting to pee. She does not see me.

And I just, I mean, without even thinking, I just walk up and stuck her in the face. Just a quick one. I hit her so hard, she was standing like against the wall waiting for the bathroom that her head hit the wall and then hit my fist again. Fucking a classic speed bag. Yeah. And then I got fucking clocked from the side.

I'd never been so hit, like hit so hard in my life. Some other girl who was like 6'7", I swear, she just comes up and she hits me in the eye. I thought I went blind. I thought I lost my eyeball. I was like,'7". I swear. She just comes up and she hits me in the eye. I thought I went blind. I thought I lost my eyeball. I was like, ah! I was crying. I left. It ended up being,

I don't know if I can say this, it ended up being the daughter of a very famous basketball coach who went s***. S***. Really? Yeah. Dude, I was going to say.

I didn't say it. I didn't say it either. Who's the former UF coach's name? I was thinking of someone completely different. The famous. Oh, Billy Ottoman. Yeah. That would be crazy.

Yeah. I mean, listen. And she's a big bitch. I was going to say. Hey. Those jeans. If you're watching this, just. I'm ready for round two, bitch. I've been doing jujitsu for four years

I'll beat your ass Which camera do I look at? I'll beat your ass bitch You can handle yourself with jujitsu now? Absolutely I always wondered that too When people do that for training Versus doing it for real

I know you spar and all that shit But it's very different when it's like, you know, again, chips are down and someone's trying to really fucking hit you in the face. I have a bit I'm working on right now about it where I say, like, being in jujitsu for three to four years, I was like, it's made me so confident that I can beat up almost every single person in this room

who's a woman. That's what I've always said about fighting. Like, I wouldn't fight, I don't think. Right. I'm not like a pick-a-fight type. But if every place I ever walked into, I knew I can beat all of you up, I would just be more confident and, like, everything. Like, everything in your life.

And it's not like I walk in rooms and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to get beat up. But it's just like a primal thing where it's just like, if shit really goes down, I'm good. Yeah. And I think that changes like your whole, you know, personality. How often do you do it? Lately, the last couple months I've been slacking a couple days a week, but normally it's five to six days a week. Really?

And I do Muay Thai too. See, that's what the fucking, I've often fantasized about doing something like that, be it jujitsu or something like that. You should, it's so fun and they're great in New York. But it's just such a commitment. I was hoping you were going to say once a week. Oh, yeah. Also, it feels like one of those things where it's like,

yeah, I'm going to sign up, and day one we're fighting. It's like the first thing is do 50,000 push-ups and get in shape. No, no, no. Day one you fight. Yeah, they just throw you right in it. At the end of the thing, it depends on the school. Maybe day two, but they let you fight pretty. I did it with boxing by our old office. I just did one month of boxing, and I was like, this is fucking really fun.

I like this a lot. And then I stopped doing it because that's how I do everything in my life. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of like everything. Yeah. You can only do everything in moderation, you know, but. Have you ever heard of what we do, Rough and Rowdy? No. It's an amateur boxing, like, federation.

Cool. It's like hillbilly boxing. So it's just one minute rounds, three rounds, no. Dude show up in, like, jeans and Tims and stuff like that. Yeah, it's crazy. And it's just like, ding, ding, ding. Like, just madness. Yeah.

I'm, like, not very confident standing up. But I'm like, if I get anyone on the ground, it's over. Yeah. I'm like, my fighting's okay standing up like I do Muay Thai I'm kind of a pussy I got a concussion so I'm kind of I don't train as much there but yeah that's not worth it

yeah and it's funny because I spend all this money training and like I said like I feel like I could beat up any woman and that's like really the purpose is to protect myself from men you know what I mean so now I'm like yeah they, they can still rape me. It's just going to take longer. Like they're just going to – it's going to be harder for them to come,

which I think they want that. That sounds hotter. Another long-lasting Kings because I have a blue belt. It's crazy. I have a blue belt. You could beat her up? Yeah. Look, she's ignoring me. She belt. You could beat her up? Yeah. Yeah.

Look, she's ignoring me. She knows. She could beat you up? Yeah. No, we get asked that all the time. You think you could beat Jackie up? Do you train? No.

Yes. Yeah. Jackie said she can. No offense, Jackie. You look like you'd give me a run for my money. I think Jackie could beat bitches up. I don't think she could beat up someone who trains Muay Thai like five or six days a week.

Jackie does think she can jump from building to building in Manhattan, though. Like, you know, when you look between like, oh, look, those look close. She's like, I can jump between those buildings. I believe in you. And then we find out, like, talk about one in a zillion chances. She was in Nashville. They were looking at this building and it was it wasn't a full street it was like an alley so it's like a somewhat slightly more

reasonable even though it's not really today we see this report that's like um like jimmy's barbecue restaurant in nashville has shut down and has been purchased by barstool sports and dave port and i like retweeted it with like the eye emoji so i i guess we're buying that building and doing something down there so the literal building that she was talking about jumping off the top of we're gonna own now so this bitch is gonna jump off the building oh shit we gotta set it up listen we can make a whole day about it we start in the morning eating some flesh and then you guys can go jump rooftops very weird thing you have going on here honestly wouldn't that be some shit if there was a like one day a year we have to live the podcast?

All of the shit that you say on your podcast, you got to do? It's yes day for the podcast. Yo, I would live until 1201. Done, dude. You've written suicide all the time. Put up or shut up, dude. We'll do that at the end. That'll be the grand finale.

You live stream your own suicide do you guys have you guys fought fist fought have we fist fought me and him no we're just like

in general we fought oh ever yes you guys are like that's my culture as a white guy in college I didn't fight I fought in 8th grade

I can see you guys fighting with ties around your neck I've actually I've never fought I've never fought in college how low I've never fought in high. How low do they think of us? I never fought in high school either. Wait, hang on.

How low of a reputation is that? No, no. It's like I picture you with ties around your head fighting people or a date-raping girl. That's what white guys are. You're describing Game Day at Ole Miss this weekend. Yeah, right. Did you see that fight? It was exactly what you're talking about.

It's a bunch of old southern frat boys. Like khakis. In blazers. Hilarious. Blue blazers, red ties. I miss college drunk frat boys. They're so funny. It's the most primal thing you can get in a modern world. Where it just boils back down to drunk, fight, pussy, football.

College is intense. Especially if you go to like a football school. Yeah, it's my biggest regret is not going to one. Even though I actually hate those guys, I would like to have been around it. It was such a good experience. We went, I worked at this place called Swamp when I was in college.

And it was like the crazy, I like to describe it as like if Coyote Ugly had a college bar. And it was like wild, like crazy. Like the staff was insane. Everything was out of control and we went back. Wait, you worked there

or you went? I worked there. Yeah, yeah. I worked there when I was in school and it was like center in front of the school. It had a lawn

so you could watch the games and listen to them from the lawn and it was like very cool. So we went back. Me and all my friends who worked there for college went back after

they were knocking the building down after 10 years. So we were like, let's go back and who worked there for college went back after, they were knocking the building down after 10 years. So we were like, let's go back and have one last hurrah there. And we used to be bad, bad.

And we go back and my friend who's married, I can't find her anywhere. And we're at this little bar and someone was like, oh, I saw her go into like the back

where they keep the kegs and the cooler. And I was like, okay. And then I look over there and there's a line of frat guys outside of it. Oh, Jesus. And I was like, uh, and she was drunk. So I was like, okay. And then I look over there and there's a line of frat guys outside of it. And I was like,

uh... And she was drunk. So I was like, what's happening? Do I need to go save... Is she getting a train ran on her? So I go and rip the door open and she was selling... I guess she brought cocaine with her. And she was selling

a bump of coke for $30 to frat boys. She was making $30 a bump. She was literally taking a key and they'd go, and then they'd hand her 30 bucks and walk out. I made like three grand tonight. I've thought of that. I don't know.

I've never heard it put into practice, but I've always thought of if you could have, like when there's like, there's the regular bar, but there's like the tequila bar over there. Yeah. The Coke bar. Yeah. Coke bar.

How much fucking money you can make. Yeah. I don't want a whole bag, but just a bar. Yeah. You know, it's safe. Yeah. Or that's why they should legalize drugs. Yeah. So everyone can just do it responsibly.

But or have it the other or you could be like, this is like, you know, pure like Colombian white and it's going to be like 50 bucks a bump. Or this is like this shitty stepped on stuff if you're broke. Yeah. And you run with dice. You might i don't know whatever here you go yeah this one you pay us that is that's one of the the best you know business ideas i've ever heard i was shook by it yeah because there's like there's a lot of nights we're like i could use a little energy i don't want to have a conversation with a guy in his car and i don't want to deal with i also don't want to spend i don't have it on me I don't want to have it you know what I mean best thing to replace coke

with mushrooms yeah I'm telling you I know it's like the secret that no one knows it's like it gives you energy but it's not like coke energy it's not annoying like it really wakes you up and makes you feel good for hours hours the most I ever danced in my entire life is always yes not not like coke dancing I'm just sweating through a shirt. I'm just kind of vibing on mushrooms. Yeah. You got to mind you. Got that thing on.

Fucking throw it over here. How often do you take mushrooms? Are you like a microdosing everyday type shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a regular microdoser. You guys want? Can I have one? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you want one? No, I, yeah. I'm a regular microdoser. You guys want? Can I have one? Yeah. Yeah. Do you want one? No, I'm good. I don't know how many milligrams that is, but have fun. We'll find out. I just took all my different milligrams, and I put them, and then I shook them, and I said, this is going to be fun. Nice.

Let's have fun. Let's have fun. It's not going to be anything crazy. No. No, no. It's not gross. I literally contemplated texting my lawyer and being like, can I do this? That's right.

What if I did drugs on camera? What's the deal with that? That would affect our situation if I did drugs on camera. Well, we'll find out. If anyone's asking, they were vitamins. Yeah. We are kidding. It was on camera for a show come on

nothing crazy um what's up work-wise what do we got going you got a couple podcasts right i got a couple podcasts right now i'm doing my podcast broad topics topix it's on the gas digital network anywhere you find podcasts with alex scarlato um and then my podcast with sarah weinshank you guys will be seeing her tomorrow on the show. Can I say that? Yeah. Well, whenever it airs. Whenever it airs. Yeah, you guys will be seeing her whenever it airs. We have a podcast together called This Bitch.

It's super fun. Check that out. I'm working on, I'm doing some writing stuff. I'm on Twitch. If you guys like watching shit like that, twitch.tv slash queen kong. I'm just learning about how hard Twitch is. Twitch is. I heard if you have like 10 fucking people watching you, it's like a big deal.

It's like hard to get a lot of streamers. I have 7,000 people following me and I average like 50 views. It's crazy. But I hear that's very good. I know. It's wild. I know.

I look at Eric Griffin. He streams and he's got a huge following and it'll be like 100. Really? It's very hard to convert. That more than ever makes me feel like some of these TikTok numbers and shit are inflated because it's just like this person over here

has like a bajillion followers and views and then on a similar type platform, people are doing 100. I cannot break into the TikTok algorithm. I can't either. How embarrassing is it? It's embarrassing. Everyone's like,

Just post four times a day. Yeah, you get one and post four times a day. That's what they say. I have Insta Betsy. And then you get one that goes viral and then you start racking up followers. It's like, well, it hasn't happened for me. No, I've got one that goes viral. I feel like a virgin.

You know, it's like. 70 men call me ugly and then I get nothing else. And I'm like, okay, that wasn't worth it. Good God. Yeah. They're like, get off old fatty. And I'm like, okay, I don't want it. Thank God. They're like, get off, old fatty. And I'm like, okay, I don't want to post here anymore. Dude, they're so mean.

We were talking the other day with that dude Dream, the YouTuber who revealed his face. Did you see this? This is one of my favorite things ever. He had 30 million YouTube followers and did a face reveal, which I guess they usually do them at 5,000 or 10,000. He waited until 30 million. He went from 10,000 subscribers to 30 million in three years. And the whole time he always had just a mask on. And he

pulled it off to 1.3 million people. And then? And then just what started trending immediately was Caps Locks, he's ugly, and Caps Locks put the mask back on. He's a perfectly normal looking gentleman. Well, here's the problem. He is? Dreamer turned into Nightmare.

I think he's just a straight the problem. He is... Dreamer turned into Nightmare. That's exactly what I said. I think he's just a straight white guy. He looks like me and Kevin. The problem is he just has a little bit of a jaw. Yeah. And that's all it takes. Which used to be a good thing. Yeah, I thought that was a good thing.

He's got a Leno-type chin. I thought people liked big jaws. It's a little quagmire, not like... Oh, it's giving Gaston. Yeah. It's a little quagmire, not like... Oh, it's giving Gaston. Yeah. It's giving Gaston, yeah. I don't know why it's just not...

Yeah, why... I don't know. But yeah, it was like... I'm so Puerto Rican that I am naturally inclined to look at a man's phone while he's on it. Like, my eyes just... You might have caught that on camera. I was like trying to see him like, who's he texting? Like, why does it matter?

See, I'm the opposite. Oh, yeah. I'd be upset too. You would be? Yeah. Yeah. Put the mask. I'm with the trend.

I'm going to hashtag put the mask on right now. I don't know who this man is. No, the crazy thing is it wasn't even a hashtag. It was just so many people just outright saying it. It was just the words.

He's ugly. It wasn't like they were trying to get it going. Wasn't everyone hashtag this? It was just so many people were saying he's ugly. That just the phrase he's ugly. We know why he had the mask in the first yeah that's the thing well also i'm gonna stand up you know what it was also let me show you he's not a regular looking guy he's below

average you think so if he's listening to this i'm sure you're a great person also this leaked a couple years ago when people said that's the dream. And then it was like, no, whatever. Just the rumor went away. And now, I guess if you look side by side, it's just like white people. But they're saying that he lost weight and then was like, all right, now I'll reveal my face. But I don't think it's true

because I think people saw his body before and then he wore a mask. It's so funny that you're like, yeah, they could be the same guy, but they're white people. It's all the same. Because I did Rogan years ago and I really got a lot of shit

for saying that all races in general look the same. I'm like, oh, white people, all Puerto Ricans, we all kind of are similar, right? And then everybody was silent. I was like, I'm just kidding. We all look different. Totally a joke. Totally a joke.

That's not crazy to say that we have similar features, like specific races. Like Rogan on the show races I said it on Rogan And people were not happy about it They were like someone educate this girl What? It's a pretty basic thing to say Is that what we do here?

We just say ridiculous shit? That's crazy Our taint is shrinking The monkeys, the taints, the plastic bottles. Why do you guys look at phones so much? What is it in your DNA? It ruins everything. Well, you guys keep secrets.

Yeah. Yeah. But like humans are, yes, so do you. Well, listen, it's not our fault. Yes, it is. It's not our fault that this society has decided that monogamy is the thing, and you guys can't do that. No, that's somebody's fault.

It's not our fault. It's not our fault. It's not your fault either. I don't think it's your fault. I think that men are men, and it is what it is, but it's fucked up that we've set these standards, and everyone's trying to follow them. How fucked up is that?

It's fucked. It's fucked, but also at the same time, because I truly believe believe i'm like ah even when i'm in a relationship i'm like it does feel like we should be able to like see other people like when you find someone interesting but then when i the thought of my guy seeing someone else yeah it seems fair for me and unfair when i think and i don't know what it is and it is bullshit but it's like it's bullshit in the way that like dessert like anything that tastes good is bad it is bullshit But it's like It's bullshit in the way That like dessert Like anything that tastes good Is bad for you

Yeah It's just like Everything's a catch Is it catch 20? Catch 22 Catch 22? Yeah Oh it's hindsight 20

Hindsight 20 Yeah God too many numbers Hot chicks don't do that But like I I don't know I always make it a thing Whatever

I make it a I make it a big thing When someone's on their phone I either like look over there he'll do it to me or I'll be like I'll be right back

I'll leave the room oh yeah I don't want to see Kim's like looking in mirrors I'm in a new relationship now and I'm so traumatized that when he gives me my phone to look at

I'm like oh dude I do that so you're trying not to I don't want to anymore I've like but you're gonna I've never wanted to but you're gonna when someone I don't even want to you to. I don't want to anymore. I've like. But you're gonna. I've never wanted to.

No, I won't. But you're gonna. When someone, I don't even want to. You're gonna. I don't even want to know your shit. I think you have to vet. The passwords and everything. I've had girls be like, here's my phone.

Just change the music. The password's. Oh, stop, stop, stop. I don't even want to know. I'll bring your phone to you. I think that for me, I can't speak for other women. But for me, I think that It's not really My biggest fear To get cheated on

It's my biggest fear To get cheated on Disrespectfully That's it All chicks always just say Don't embarrass me Don't disrespect me Yeah it's like

Disrespectful Cause like I've been cheated on Where like the guy like Cheated on me And the girls were coming To hang out with me Yeah that's crazy

And I'm like That's like That's like you two Teaming up and going Behind my back And you're supposed To be on my team But if you But he just So it's like Now I'm definitely Not letting you Fuck you two teaming up and going behind my back. And you're supposed to be on my team.

So it's like, now I'm definitely not letting you fuck other chicks. Because you're being mean about it. If he just fucked other chicks on the side and then came home to you and was like, good boyfriend, husband, whatever it is, you would be okay with that? I think it would be different if it was easy to trust men to use condoms. But you guys are so horny. You guys can't even be good about it. That's not even a horny thing to do. That's just a my dick doesn't work thing. Come on.

No one's using condoms. Come on. Your dicks work fine with condoms on. I don't know what to say. They're fine. You speak for yourself. It's mental. Yeah, I was going to say, do you have a dick?

Do you know what it's like? I've had a few. So I know they work with condoms on. It's mostly mental that you're like, the condom comes on. It's just not. It's like you can blow on a dick and make it come. It's not the condom. I don't know.

Confident in her ability. Ask the local pilot. I get nervous about that. Like I feel like I maybe could work towards like if I was with someone that wanted to be in an open relationship, but I would be worried about like them getting me sick. Okay. So it's not, it's not the, um, like you're fucking another chick that bothers you. That part you can handle?

Not if it's like an emotional thing. I mean, no. If you're taking another chick on dates, that'll hurt my feelings. Right. So like if they're just getting the rocks off. Yeah. Just go fuck her. Right.

Less for me, I guess. That is honestly what I think like the world will get to that point. Not anytime soon, but I think that's where we have to get or it's just not going to work. For both people, by the way. For both sexes because I think girls need it too. You know what I'm thinking about that's fucked up? Is that if a guy has really good dick,

it would probably offend me less if he was fucking around than if he had mediocre dick. I'm like, not you ruining all of our days. You're fucking just ruining women's days. Like so egotistical you think you get to go spread that weak seed. Like it would make sense

if it comes home and you dress like Rose of the River. If you're leaving me mind blown to go out and be like, let's see who else I can make feel that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, don't just go spread around your dick. Don't embarrass us at home. Now people know you fuck me bad and I have to post

on Instagram when we're together don't do that now they know it's the like phones need to become like

like it's like your brain it's like part of your body that's like you can't you can't touch my phone like

like like good touch bad touch you can't touch my phone right right right because otherwise it, like, like, uh, good touch, bad touch. Like, you can't touch my phone. Right, right, right. Because otherwise,

it's just gonna be the downfall of everything. Listen, I don't, I, not even for like, if you're cheating, it's like, you're gonna find that I was like,

oh my God, I don't cheat. Kim was such a bitch last night or whatever. You'll always find something. Someone wouldn't be happy looking through my phone. Yeah. And I don't cheat. Right.

That's what I mean. Because they're all human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's either flirty or you're being rude about something. Or you're taking cash from a guy who's offering you cash. Whatever.

Do you know how many dudes offer me money? And I'm like, every time. Good. Do you do anything for it? Listen, if there's anybody out here watching and you're a pay pig, I will fucking insult you via messages. I won't call you or talk to you or ever hang out with you, but give me your money.

You fucking pig When's the only thing That started Jackie's had the pay pig before Oh you had a pay pig It's so fun right Well yeah it was fun Until I got like lazy with it

And then I was kind of like This isn't worth it See even chicks get lazy with that I know You get lazy in bed You get lazy with your pay pig I know Jackie was into the pay pig

Jackie There was a moment There was a couple It gets you trapped in it. It's just so easy. It's so easy. But you were like, ha ha ha ha. You like you.

You little. Like, what was that one line that was like? It was like, don't you dare come or something. Yeah. Yeah. You don't come till I tell you. Yeah. I feel like I just have like five lines.

It's like, yeah. I want to start a separate Patreon only for pay pigs. Yeah. And they just give me their money every month. Well, I have a Patreon. Not an OnlyFans. Right. But I can't do the OnlyFans.

I just can't. What's your number, though? Like if I told you you would make XYZ per month, you would do it? Probably anything over like $100,000 a month. I think you can get there. If I can make $100,000. John makes fun of me. All I do is talk about OnlyFans. $100,000 is month? I think you can get there. If I can make it over $100,000. John makes fun of me. All I do is talk about

only $100,000. $100,000 is a lot. This is my problem. I mean, listen. This is my problem. $100,000 is a lot. I know you could get there. It's just a matter of

what you would do to get there. Right. You could absolutely get there. No, things I have to do. You could, you could. I mean, everybody can get to $100,000 a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The things I'd have to do to get to $100,000 a month, I could probably just sell a feature for and be respected on stage still. Right, right, right. My problem is I don't 100K a month, I could probably just sell a feature for and be respected on stage still. Right, right, right. My problem is I don't think it's like, I think it's cool that women are making money this way.

It's like finally after being looked at and hounded for years, we're getting ours back. A little payment. That's how I see it. But the thought of going on stage and instead of a guy listening to my jokes, imagining me fingering myself with a pencil or whatever I'd be doing, that would be my thing.

Or a pencil. But the only thing is – A condom-like pencil. They wouldn't even be able to focus. The other thing, though, is like some of the – like that dude's probably doing that anyway a lot of times. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm giving him the visual.

At least he has to imagine himself and it's blurred and he can focus in every few seconds. But if I'm giving him the visual, he least he has to imagine himself and it's blurred and he can focus in every few seconds. But if I'm giving him the visual, he's just like, I know what a pussy looks like. I know what it looks like the whole time over and over again. That's all I think when I see a woman who's a giant I've seen. I know what a pussy looks like. I know what a pussy looks like.

I don't not think that about a dick I've seen. I'm like, I remember his dick. I remember his dick. And if it's not, it's like, I wonder what a pussy looks like. That's all anyone if it's not it's like I wonder what it was like you know that's all anyone's ever doing nobody's listening to jokes

of anybody we're all just thinking about what each other's assholes look like I mean I used to I don't know I think you guys follow me on

you guys follow me on Instagram but I used to post a lot of thirst traps on Instagram and I stopped like and now if you look at my Instagram

from like two months ago to now it's just stand up. And if you want a thirst trap, you can pay me a measly $5 a month. Like you're buying me the worst well drink in the world once a month. And you can get all the thirst traps you want. And that's my version of OnlyFans.

You get a little under boob. You get a little side boob. Maybe a little ass in a bathing suit. But you're not going to see it on my main page anymore. And I'm like, that's good enough for me. Good for you. Yeah, that's good enough for me. Because I do like posting them.

I enjoy feeling sexy and getting likes, and I think that that's how all of this is made. So wait, but then why stop? I just don't want to be nude. No, but I'm saying you stop posting them on Instagram because you like them. Oh, because it's like, it seems... That sucks though.

It's like they took it away from you, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it seems like they should pay for it. Definitely. My Instagram's for comedy. Right, right, right. So if like they want extra stuff

and they want to see a comedian who is also hot sometimes in a bathing suit, I'm like, well, you have to pay for it. I put out all my content for free. I've been doing stand-up for 11 years. All my podcasts have been free. All my content's been my content for free i've been doing stand-up for 11 years all my podcast has been free all my content's been free i didn't get started paid until for stand-up until like three or four years ago and now i'm spending all my time paying back all the investments i made and all the loans i took out to survive the last seven years yeah so it's like

i need five dollars a month is nothing for 11 years of free content right right right if you're a fan yeah if you're a fan and you like Patreon.com slash Kim Congdon. Sign up, kids. Hell yeah. And then two podcasts and then you're on stage and all that. Two podcasts, on stage, writing features right now. I'm doing a lot of acting recently and I'm loving it. Really?

Yeah, almost more than stand-up. Wow. You get to pretend to be someone else? Yes. That always feels good. That's really the hook yeah want to not be you

for a while I feel like I'm good at it and I just like things that I'm good at what are you doing I'm just auditioning for stuff right now just like series

and movies and stuff and I haven't gotten anything yet but I just started like a few months ago yeah it's going to take a while I've gotten a bunch of callbacks isn't it cool to find

something you like to do it feels good to find something you like to do? It feels good to find something you like and you're good at it. Right. It's like so many people, like the crazy, crazy majority of people in the world don't have even one thing. Well, I think that's why I do the things that I do because I'm like, I didn't grow up in a house where I got like a lot of praise for my accomplishments. So anytime I do something and someone's like, you're good at that. I'm like, more, more, more, more.

Say that again. The dopamine just starts hitting me. Yeah. That's why I fuck so well. That's why I can blow on a dick and make it cum. And on that note, follow me on Patreon. Oh, so fun. All right. Shout out, Kim. Now it is time to listen to her co-host

I don't know why they didn't come in together they did come in together and then we just didn't do them together on the podcast which we could have done like Sarah just sat in the corner the whole time and then came in the next day on her own we did that a month ago with Mark Norman and Sam Rill same day

promoting the same show but they are Sarah and Kim are both Came in the next day on our own. We did that a month ago with Mark Norman and Sam Rill. Same day. Yeah. Promoting the same show. But they are. Sarah and Kim are both co-hosts of the podcast This Bitch. And Sarah is brought to you by Manscaped. This holiday season, I'll be giving thanks to our friends over at Manscaped. Because everyone loves turkey and stuffing, but you'll be looking like dessert. With the help of Manscaped Performance Package 4.0. The Mansca manscape performance package 4.0 the manscape package performance package 4.0 includes was that in the copy or no okay

you came ready with that one no no no that wasn't off the cuff that was that was great very good um it includes the lawnmower 4.0 with the Skinsafe electric trimmer. As I am a 100% Manscaped user, and I cannot tell you how much my life changed when I stopped bleeding everywhere when I shaved my balls. Like, if you have one of the old school fucking trimmers, you're going to get snakebitten. You get snakebitten, you fucking jump in the shower. Guess what? It just makes the blood look like it's more. You jump in the shower, it's like you got four little fucking holes in your groin area, and then the water

makes it look like, God, I'm bleeding a lot. But the Lawn Mower 4.0 has skin-safe technology, and I can vouch for it. I'll tell you that. We'll leave it at that. I'm not going to get too graphic, but I can vouch for it. I'll tell you that. Okay, we'll leave it at that. I'm not going to get too graphic, but I can vouch for it. It does not bite you.

Has the weed whacker, the ear and nose hair trimmer. It has the crop preserver, which is an anti-chafing ball deodorant, which, you know, important. Has the crop reviver, which is a ball spray toner. A magic mat,

which is a disposable shaving mat, which I think should be a far more used thing. There's just hair all over my bathroom. There's no hygiene routine is complete without Manscaped signature deodorant as well. A couple of swipes of this and you are feeling oh so crisp. Getting Manscaped

is the ultimate hack to become the family favorite. I don't know about that. That part I'm going to question. I think I can question Manscaped copy. I don't think you that. That part I'm going to question. I think I can question Manscaped copy. I don't think you become a family favorite if you shave your balls. And if you do, you shouldn't be. Your family shouldn't know. Your family shouldn't know how fucking naked your balls are.

I'm just saying. Maybe it can be a lover favorite. You can become a friend favorite Is it a family favorite Because of the mat? I'm guessing it's because you're going to buy it for them Oh I was thinking because you're not leaving your bathroom But also I don't think I don't recommend buying it for your family

I don't know if I can say that I'm going to say that I don't recommend getting your family pube tumors I got it from my mom A couple Christmases ago, my mom bought me some Manscaped, and I was like, thanks, Mom. No way, dude. Alright, I take it all back.

He pabs his mom's in, I'm in. Anyway, get 20% off and free shipping with the code KFC at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com. Use code KFC off with free shipping at manscaped.com. Use code KFC. We got Sarah Weinschenk in the building.

Just yesterday when we recorded, we had her podcast co-host Kim Congdon on the show, and now we got you. Hell yeah. It's the first time I've ever had somebody come like the day before. It feels like you almost scouted things out.

I was like, I gotta see what this is about. I don't know what the fuck I'm signing up for let's see kim do a little rehearsal i get i get the gist of it come back with my game face on well we said during the kim interview because we were talking about her being a puerto rican irish you are puerto rican irish and jewish yes which is like the holy trinity of like, don't fuck around. Yeah. But also, you're like a fucking, you're like a firecracker, the popsicles. Because usually like one thing overtakes to someone.

You got it all. You got it all. I can see it all. You can get a little bit of you. In a good way, though. Yeah, thank you. In a very good way. You're like the dress.

Depends what angle I'm looking at it. That's amazing. Yeah, no. It's like I have a temper and I'm neurotic. And if I drink, I don't stop. So I get a little bit of each of it. That's funny, though, to think of like it's like, oh, you're a Puerto Rican girl. In this moment, you're being Puerto Rican right now.

No, yeah. I could be Puerto Rican as fuck. I'm fine, and then I get pissed. I start doing this thing with my head and my hands. Taking rings off and shit. Yeah, no, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, and then I act out, and then the neuroses afterward takes over. And I'm like, oh, I'm so anxious about the way I behaved.

I don't know who I think I am it's like a shame spiral what do you think the most Irish part of you is? interesting I think do you just take your emotions and feelings

and just like shove them all down or no? yeah is that an Irish thing? oh yeah Irish guilt like for sure

yeah but see usually it's Irish Catholic guilt you're Irish Jewish so maybe it's more Catholic Yeah, that's true But the thing that got fucked up Is that I went to Catholic school Even though I'm a Jew

Are you a Jew for Jesus? No, I'm not a Jew for Jesus Do you celebrate Christmas? Celebrate Christmas, yeah But like, I feel If you say you're a Jew for Jesus but like I feel I mean you're not hardcore if you say you're a Jew for Jesus it has a connotation definitely

yeah and I don't want to be associated with that connotation fuck them fuck the Jews for Jesus fuck the Jews for Jesus but Jews for Jesus is like no no no no

you don't get like that's just like I picked the best of both worlds and shit like if you believe in JC then you can't really be Jewish when I first went to New York, I saw the Jews of Jews,

and I was like, because my last name is Feidelberg, but I was raised Catholic, and I was like, oh, I'm home. Sign me up. Oh, this is what we're... And then I mentioned that to someone,

and they were like, don't say that out loud to anybody else. There was a kid in, like, second grade, or, like, in elementary school, and he was Jewish and he was saying he

celebrates Christmas and like believes in Jesus and I remember like other little kids being like nah fuck that that's fucking terrible a bunch of 8 year olds being like no you either believe in him or you don't yeah that's amazing yeah no as a kid we didn't really

celebrate Hanukkah it was more Christmas but did you do no, as a kid, we didn't really celebrate Hanukkah. It was more Christmas. But did you do a bat mitzvah? I didn't. No. No, no, no. So I'm like Jew-ish. I grew up with a bunch of Jews in the valley in Los Angeles.

There's a big Jew-y thing going on there. I feel like you should steal that from Black-ish and be like, we're Jewish. Jewish, yeah. Jewish works. That could definitely play. Or it could end horribly. Yeah. Oh, I was making a definitely play. Or it could end horribly. Oh, I was making a joke. I think it'll end horribly.

I don't think you should do that. So no holidays Jewish? No sacraments Jewish? So it's just like the neuroticness? Yeah, just the neuroticness. And then, well, I just did Rosh Hashanah. It's my dad's side. So that's weird.

Why would you do that and not Hanukkah? I don't know. Rosh Hashanah sucks. Well, no, I just did Rosh Hashanah this year with my friends because I felt like eating latkes and having apples with honey. Hell yeah. I said, let's do it. Well, today's holidays are four. Well, I mean, today is, we have a Jew here on Yom Kippur, or Yom Kippur, as they say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what's happening on Yom Kippur? You go home and don't do anything, right? Yeah, but do you know what Manhattan did? What? Manhattan, and Paz was the one telling me this, so he'd be better breaking it down. Manhattan put a fishing line around the whole island. To capture the Jews.

So it makes it like it technically you're still in your home. So it's like kind of a cheat code. That's genius. The Jews are always one step ahead. Like it's technically

the island is your home so you can go out and do stuff. I could see some Jews like putting like a bubble like wearing those umbrellas out of a bubble and be like this is my home.

I can go anywhere I want now. I can go to work. Nick. Let me Google this real quick. That's insane. And you're not allowed to eat today. You heard the fishing line stuff, right? Fishing line.

So what is it? It's the. So I know like on some holy holidays. A fishing line. You're not allowed to leave your apartment. And this connects like. Everything. It's called an eruv.

Eruv? E-R-U-V. An eruv, an eruv. An eruv encircles Manhattan to allow observant Jews to leave home on the Sabbath. It might be the most expensive thing in the world?

What? No, no. It's the most expensive eruv, whatever this thing? No, no. It's the most expensive E-Rub, whatever this thing is. I was like, how expensive is this thing? It's a fishing line

that's tied around the island. It attaches to posts around the perimeter of the city from 1st Street to 126th. The string is part of an E-Rub in a Jewish symbolic enclosure. Imagine 127th. You're like,

God, I'd be fucking kidding you. If someone was feeling vindictive couldn't they just take scissors and cut the fish hate crime yeah good luck coming to

hate crime against Jewish people in Manhattan not good I would love to cut the ear of that would be that's so fucked up though I'd have one of those

the big scissors that they do like the ribbon cuttings and I would just be like ha ha ha you want me to go home but it would be like I don't know what the crimes or what the penalties for being outside your home oh you die they kill you but like it's almost like one of those things where like like i

tricked you into committing a sin like like to call like in my mind i'm going to hell i'm burning now for the rest of my life i have to live on this assumption because of some dick with a big pair of scissors. I'm going to hell. How about this, though? They established this idea 2,000 years ago to allow Jews to more realistically follow the laws of the Sabbath. 2,000 years ago, that shit was brand new. Yeah. I understand them violating it now because this is ridiculous. I got to go to work.

I got to make money. The markets don't stop. But 2,000 years ago, this shit was just fucking like popping off it is it is funny too to be like like to acknowledge the ridiculousness of it but i'm gonna continue following a loophole they found a loophole jews love a loophole are you observant or are you like truly Jewish? Yeah. Right. You either sit at home or you come up with some fucking MacGyver shit. But there's also, if you're acknowledging that like we need to find a loophole because this is so silly and so.

How about you just don't do it? So that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Why does one point. Maybe this part's silly. Well, that's like girls who fuck in the ass and say they're a virgin. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It is the same exact thing. It's like, it's just, it's a loophole that, you know. But those are young children. Yeah. These are adults making these decisions.

Catholicism has that too. Like, I feel, like the week before I knew I would have to go to confession because they made us do that at Catholic school, I would do a bunch of bad things.

And then I'd be like, it's fine. I just confessed it. Yeah. Punch my sister and shit. And they'd be like, I don't know. It's all good.

I said sorry. I said sorry. I said a couple Hail Marys. I'm done. This says, yeah, I knew this. You can't carry your house keys or your wallet. You can't push a baby stroller. Wait, I'm sorry, what?

Because you can't exert yourself in any way. So I'd have my dog pull my baby stroller. I don't have a dog or a baby. I'd kidnap both. Where do we draw the line on exerting, though? I'm walking. Yeah, I can't do anything here. So yeah, it's allowed.

I'm just seeing if there's anything else here. Imagine a whole day cooped up in Manhattan with a toddler and no electricity. You might be going a little bonkers. But that's the point of the fuck. If you're going to celebrate it, the whole point is to like... Suffer. Suffer a little bit,

which is why religion is so... Or the Jews... No, the Catholics love the suffering. But Passover, I don't know if you've sat through a Seder. Those are terrible, right? That shit's terrible. They're like dipping parsley in salt water

to taste the tears of their ancestors. What? Yes. That's crazy. I'm like, that's crazy i'm like that's another level of mental illness yeah it really is though it's like a lot of this shit i'm like do whatever you want to do if you feel it makes you feel good you know higher power you're not scared to die because you're gonna go whatever your fucking reason for doing it is cool but like but if we're being honest and you want to have a real conversation about it, you're all behaving like crazy people.

Yeah. This is so goddamn childish that you're going to not eat this or not touch that or not open a door because you think that the magical wizard is going to fucking hurt you or something. Like put you in hell. I don't know. Whatever. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up.

This is me offending all the religions. But it's like, just shut up. Well, I think all religions are allowed to be offended because they all are offended by the mere existence of Scientology. And it's like, well, it's not that...

They're doing the same shit. It's just newer, guys. It's just as ridiculous. Just as silly. Have you guys passed the Scientology Center in Los Angeles ever? No. I've seen like Going Clear and stuff like that

but I know what it looks like but I've never driven past it. It's fucking crazy. I used to live by it and you just see all these people like walking like they seem brainwashed

and like catatonic and they're it's crazy. It's not like I was like walking through Philly but there it's on Perks. That is where I think Scientology because like you want to talk about brainwash It's not like I was walking through Philly, but there are some perks.

That is where I think Scientology... You want to talk about brainwash. Everybody in every religion is pretty brainwashed. Scientology does seem to have a level where it's like, I think they drug you. It does seem like they're not... Or they give you a lobotomy or something. They're just weird. Sleep deprived or something. Yeah, they're just very out of it.

What was that in Going Clear, the HBO documentary from, what, I'll call it eight years ago? There's like, they had like a recorder in a room while they just like beat the shit out of someone. And it was like, it was like a prison beating. I think, again, I watched it a long time ago, so I might be misremembering. But they had like a pillowcase like full of shit just like beating the bag out of like I think kids if I'm not mistaken it was a little different I remember Bill Burr was like Scientology's not so bad

he's like what you upset a sitcom actress from the 90's what's the big deal Leah Remini tweeted at me like it's so much worse than that please don't minimize my struggle that girl was like almost fucking raped and murdered and he's like yeah no big deal I think he's like, ah, no big deal. I think that largely it is no big deal.

I agree. Because also you can say Catholicism is no big deal. And you've got a lot of kids going, don't ruin my drama, please. I was going to say, I think Catholicism probably has much worse and far-reaching badness. Like I think at the very top of Scientology. Oh, yeah, that's what we were comparing body counts. And Catholicism we got The crusades, the fucking raping

I mean like Catholicism killed more people than anything in the world Needs to chill out I remember the first time I saw Jesus nailed to a cross I was like My parents were trying to send me I was like four and a half My parents were about to send me to kindergarten

And I had never seen Jesus before They take me to kindergarten and i had never seen jesus before and continue please tell me they take me to the preschool or the kindergarten interview and i see jesus bleeding out on the cross and i say who is this yucky man and my mom's like that's our god lord and savior jesus christ i'm kidding yeah yeah i was like what is this yucky man bleeding out nailed to the fucking cross and then i remember in Catholic school, they made us reenact the stations of the cross. So someone played Jesus, and they had to fake nail him to the cross. I was pissed because I wanted to be the Virgin Mary. I didn't get to.

Look at the lead role. God damn it. I was like, what are the women in the background that gives Jesus a towel? I think those are literally whores, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was was a whore you want to be virgin mary you ended up with whore three exactly i told the story before on the show but i have a six-year-old daughter and she came home and was like why did they nail him to the cross and i said like oh i was like oh that's just like a picture that's not real and she was like okay and then like a second later she's like

but I saw the picture of the nails and I was like fuck why are you teaching fucking four year olds this why is anybody being taught this it's so crazy it's sick you know you see this has been said a million times before

but you see other fanatical religions and we're like that's sick it's like is it any more sick than the crown of thorns and the nailing of the guy and the stabbing of his

I think the worst one is the cat of nine tails because it sounds cute yeah it is not ooh a cat of nine tails what's that look like and then it's for ripping the skin

off a man's back did you go to church yeah we went to church but my dad didn't he was a good Jew he sat at home and ate bagels

that was the vibe my parents were like we're going to church, but my dad didn't. He was a good Jew. He sat at home, ate bagels. That was the vibe. My parents were like, we're going to church, but you can just take what you want from it. But Catholic school was cheaper than just plain private school. And that's where the Jew comes in. Unless he knows how to get a good education. Sure, you got to see a man bleeding out. But you'll be smart.

Who is the Puerto Rican? My mom. Your mom. My mom's Puerto Rican and Irish. What's her maiden name? Morales. She Who is the Puerto Rican? My mom. Your mom. My mom's Puerto Rican and Irish. What's her maiden name? Morales. She's a hardcore Puerto Rican? Yeah. Well, okay, so my grandma had milk white skin and bright red

hair, and she didn't know her dad. My mom is very olive. But we know he's Puerto Rican. But her family told her that she was Italian because Puerto Rican was like, not a good thing if you're Irish. Like, no, you can't. You can be a Guinea, but you can't be a Puerto Rican.

Irish and Italian. I figure those are two at odds. No, I think Irish and Italian is a great mix. Yeah. As much as I make fun of the eye ties, a lot of the Italian-Irish combinations I think is like pretty girls or families that are pretty cool but also like you can cook and like like you know like all you know some of the good stuff yeah of both and then you can also take the worst stuff and it's like okay like you're fat and greasy and you beat your wife it's a whole problem but yeah i mean until further notice you that that trio is like top dog in my mind um how'd you link up with kim

kim and i both uh did kill tony the podcast we were regulars on that show and so every week for about two years we had to write a minute of stand-up and we were newer comics we had to perform it in a like in front of a panel full of our heroes. Kill Tony is one of the hardest things I've ever seen. I don't know how people do that. Yeah, it made me callous for sure because I'm telling jokes in front of Doug Stanhope. I've been doing stand-up maybe two years. So I'm just bombing in front of all of my heroes

and it's on a podcast. And they kind of let you have it, right? Yeah, no, they let you have it. they make you a better comic for sure it's definitely it was like boot camp in a lot of ways and then kim and i helped each other and we started really connecting in that like how long so you met trauma bonded yeah but you guys were like adults when you yeah yeah we met about in our well i guess adults but yeah it wasn't like oh i know her from like high school or like way back when we were younger or something no and like i grew up in la so there's not a lot of puerto ricans in la so i

never really knew another puerto rican until besides my mom until i met kim cool which is weird so the trauma bond and the puerto r bond. Yeah. There you go. Are you guys roommates or no? We're not roommates. Luckily. We kill each other. I just you know girl friendships just baffle me. I'm always waiting. It feels like a ticking time bomb at any moment. You guys

are going to go out to like kill each other or that. With the hair. Something Puerto Rican is about to be said. Well this bitch. let me tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this bitch. No, we are really honest with each other. Wait, what do these say?

They say princess because I'm a douchebag. That's right. You're really honest with each other, yeah. We're really honest with each other. So if she's pissing me off, I'll be like, you're pissing me off. We're not really catty girls we're we're more in our masculine energy because i probably think it's from hanging out with male comics all the time i'm like you're being a cunt and i need you to fucking stop and if you don't stop i'm not going to talk to you and then five minutes later she's like i'm sorry

it's fine that's actually one of the more healthy setups I've ever heard of I'm sitting here I'm like nice must be nice to express emotion like that so everything kind of just gets said so it works I feel like with guys we don't even do that I feel like we don't even care

about being a cunt part I just feel like I'm being a dick today I just need a nap I'm not even a guy I part, I just feel like I'm being a dick today. Yeah. I just need a nap. I'm not even a guy. I'm a baby. And so I usually take on. If you're being annoyed, it's not because they're being annoyed. It's because you're either hungry or you need a nap.

Are you a monster when you get hungry? Am I? I don't think I'm ever a monster. I think I'm a real sweet boy. No, he's not a monster he's a baby yeah like if we like today it might come out because we were just recording for like

an hour before you and we have you and then we have Maddie Smith and then we have to finish up that episode and then we're gonna talk to a girl here a lot of chicks days yeah day number one feminist podcast in the country right here that's right and then we talk to uh our girl kelly who works here so that's we're gonna wrap up around like five o'clock today and when we finish john's gonna be you're gonna think that he went to war

his eyes get like heavy and he usually starts to go like this and mess up his hair. So by the end of it, he's like, ah. And he'll be like, I'm done. And then he'll be like, yo, we got to do some ad reads. And he's like, no. But he's a baby. A baby and or a girlfriend where it's like, if I don't feed this bitch, they're going to fucking. Oh, I'm going to have to eat.

We're going to have to order some food. We need an IV for you. Mashed up smoothie that's just going into your veins during your big recording days. We had a couple big cancellations recently. They were supposed to do this big thing at a music festival

over the weekend, but the hurricane ruined it. Which was a sad cancellation because it was going to be a big fun thing. But also, it meant the whole weekend opened up. And then yesterday before Kim, we were supposed to do an 11 a.m. interview, and that got canceled. And it was like the dopamine rush of like, now we don't have to work for a couple hours or the whole weekend. Nothing better than when somebody cancels. Especially if it's not your fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You canceled on me and it's like, oh, good thing. And you don't need the episode. The worst is what, for me, because I'm not as productive, I'm not as organized

as you guys. Well, we're not organized. People around us are organized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Credit to all you guys. Sometimes I'm like, fuck, I need an episode for tomorrow.

And then a comic will be like, yeah, I can do it. And then, oh, shit, I'm still in bed. What's happening? How are you still in bed? like fuck i need an episode for tomorrow and then a comic will be like yeah i can do it and then oh shit i'm still in bed what's happening how are you still in bed it's three you're a fucking loser you have nothing else going on just spit in my face what's happening the i had that with cancellations today we're like i um i had a buddy reach out to me i'm supposed to go to i'm from boston i like hockey the bruins are playing the rangers tonight in preseason game and i had a buddy be like yo we still on for tonight you were gonna wait what and it was

gonna go to philly or boston you said no but no i didn't message oh it's at the guard yeah yeah even going to the garden for a preseason game you're crazy it's he's irish and he thought it was a big thing that he got the tickets and so so he was like, he's going to come. And I was like, fuck yeah, I'm in. And then today I was like. Wait, I don't follow. He's Irish, so he thought that preseason hockey tickets is a big deal? I think he was like, I know it's preseason.

He's like, but I got Bruins tickets. It's great seats. And I was like, yeah, that's cool. He's probably never been to a hockey game before. And I was like, fuck yeah, I'm in. And then this morning I was like. I was like, buddy, it's raining. When it rains, I'm in. And then this morning, I was like, buddy, it's raining. I was just like, when it rains, it's like, somebody just, I think maybe Kelly Higgs did

tweet about it when it, like, it rains, it should all, we should all know. Rain is off. Rain check. It's called a rain check for a reason. Fucking see you next week, man. And it's like sprinkling. It's like, eh, well, you know, still sucks. But I think when it rains in Los Angeles, people just shut down.

People can't drive. Everyone acts like a full idiot because it's mostly sunny. You would think that we'd be like rainproof, but the subways stop running. I mean, if it really rains, the subway is like fucking flood. But the subways all of a sudden are off schedule and the traffic gets crazy. It's not like you're driving really fast on the highway so the rain needs to slow you down. We're all driving stop and go

10 seconds at a time anyway. Rain doesn't matter at all. It's crazy that it's in the modern world. All the shit that we can do and accomplish, when it rains people are like, no. We are shutting down for the day. No work. It's raining outside everyone

acts like they're made of sugar are you uh how long were you in la versus new york how long have i been in la like you you live you grew up in i grew up in la and that's you've only been in new york for like a few years i'm assuming no i'm just visiting oh you're just visiting i'm visiting because we're opening for joey diaz on saturday oh joe yeah yeah so we came to do a bunch of pods this whole week and we did our podcast live last night and we're doing a bunch of different things where'd you do the podcast like we did at the stand last night it was so fun yeah type five kind of yeah with but with bubbles and pink lights yeah oh really not very skank like it all very much the vibe. But same room. But same room. That was This Bitch. Yeah, This Bitch.

The podcast, right? Mm-hmm. So, and Joey, how'd you get linked up with him? Joey has done our podcast before. He called us and likes it a lot. And so his cannabis company actually sponsors our podcast. And so we got on, he called us and was like, I'm doing a residency in New York. Do you want to come open for me on October 8th?

He's the best. And we've talked about it, and we've been in contact, and we just haven't done it yet. I've also been smoking his cannabis recently. Laughing gas? It's like the purple and blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is quite something. It will send you to the fucking moon.

To the fucking moon. Like, it is. He can fucking put down, you know, like a full bag of it. It smokes like a full blunt, and he's like, man, nothing. Oh, I think it's four hits. And then they stamp it out. He does, like, legit. You were here yesterday when I was, like, going through my meal.

That was because I smoked Joby's weed. Yeah. Whoa, that meal. I have PTSD and acid reflux from hearing about it. Let's not call that a meal. That was like a binge. I don't even know what that was. Last time I had a salad, though.

Oh, good. That makes up for it. I also had a pint of ice cream and a bowl of cereal. You should be much fatter than you are. Both of us. It is. It is. Deathly afraid of the day that the metabolism, like, really stops.

And then it's just like. As a woman, like, ever since sixth grade, I've had to watch what I eat. Especially as a woman in Los Angeles. Yeah. Like, I'll have a salad. Yeah. Like, if I really went for it, I'd be double this size. This is me trying.

That does suck. Because even though I'm, like, I'm fat and gross, like, I don't like myself, I'm, like, I know that I... Yeah, that's what I mean. It's kind of, like, whatever. Who are you who deserves to like themselves? But I do feel like if I really... It's, like, I can't really let it go much more than I already am. Yeah, no.

Like, I don't know what else it's just like when my body decides to start getting fat you know I don't know I used to be like 20 pounds lighter

than I am right now though but you look the same yeah that's what I mean it doesn't really look that different so who fucking cares and you're a man it doesn't matter

I mean you you could be fat you could be so fat and have like the hottest chick. Like the rules don't apply. That's your fault. I know. Don't fuck fat guys.

We're lowering our standards. Guys are like, I mean, I put on 20 pounds and I was like, well, this isn't great. But I thought to myself, I was like, but does it really matter? And I was looking at the results. It doesn't. It's like same amount of girls, same amount of dates, same amount of fun, same amount of sex, same amount of like nothing changed.

So I was like, now maybe if I did another 20 and another 20, it would be very different. But like the first 20, I was kind of like, well, you guys are not making me. So I mean, for me, the worst thing is having to weigh myself. Why? But why do you do it? Well, I like to know.

Why? Every once in a while. I check in every six months. I don't do it every day because that's mentally ill. Semi-annual weighing. Yes. And sometimes I get on there. Oh, you like this?

Yeah, I go like that. And then I go, well, that can't be right. Let me get off. Let me get off and then get back on. So I did that. I take out my iphone one of my keys okay it changed three ounces dude great yeah no i also thought maybe that the surface i was weighing myself on was uneven so i took a battery darn in right whatever i moved it from

the carpet to a hardwood floor same result okay so it doesn't have anything to do with what's underneath the scale. It's only about what's on top of it. Weird. So weird. I think scales should be outlawed. I don't think you should ever weigh yourself ever. I think I weighed myself once

recently, which was probably six months ago, and I was just in a gym, and I just wanted to see what I weighed, and that scale ends up being very broken. That was when I was in New Orleans. A lot of broken scales. It really was. He said I was like 245 pounds or something like that.

They were being like, yes. It was an old one. It had the thing that goes... It wasn't the numbers. It had a little ticker thingy. But in place of scales, it should just be full length mirrors. And you should just look at it naked. And you should go, okay. It doesn't seem...

The number doesn't matter. I disagree though because like you can be in pretty good shape and that's not going to look good. Oh, I disagree. I think... You think you're hot naked? I think I look better naked than I do with clothes on. Really? Yeah. Good for you then. Yeah, it must be nice. I look... You think you're hot naked? I think I look better naked than I do with clothes on. Really? Yeah.

Good for you, then. Yeah, it must be nice. I look terrible with clothes on. I see the way my tits hang and chill down. Well, guess what? You see the way your tits hang when your shirt's off. It doesn't look as bad. Look, I look in the mirror naked every single day.

It doesn't look as bad as when I put clothes on. I definitely look... I mean, when I'm naked, it is like... I put my mirror on a slant. That's a trick. It's like a fun house. Yeah, it's like, I look lovely. Wobbly.

Let's go. It's good enough. Yeah, no, I mean, especially like for me, at least like the paleness comes into effect too. Like when you're naked. Oh, you got to get some tinting moisturizer. Some tinting moisturizer. Do you use that?

Fucking right. They're on tinting moisturizer. You think I have my Juergens natural glow on right now? They come in looking like this fucking bottle of whiskey during the summer. Borderline blackface. Juergens. Getting canceled from Juergens. I did accidentally

When I was in Chicago I bought the one For dark toned skin And that one That one juiced me up Pretty good Can I tell you What I did for prom

I went with an Indian guy I got a spray tan You tried to match him I got level 3 Oh no I was darker than him No way Like if that photo

Resurfaced I could be jerking What did he say you have to move to canada i mean he said nothing we hooked up it was fine he wasn't like whoa you look really tan but and the whites of my eyes i went when i went to prom it was like 2003 so this is like primo i'm a white teenager who wants to be a black rapper loving like that whole era of rap music and i went in a tuxedo that is like strictly for like rappers to wear like it was you went in bellows draft outfit yes yeah it was i went like an nba draft day outfit like a long ass jacket, like way well below my weight, like down, like not to my knees.

You were like with the fucking tails? Not tails, but just. Not even tails, dude? I mean, it's probably like split, but not like tails. No. Oh my God. It was like a long, it was almost like a, like a priest jacket or something. There's something that's like long like that.

And it had, it was. It haunts you. I don't know why. Like my parents wouldn't, like my like that. And it had, it was. It haunts you. I don't know why like my parents wouldn't. Like my mom should have just been like, in general, like for Christmas and shit, my mom would buy like me and my brother those sort of clothes. Rather than being like, we're going to J.Crew. I was sending her like to like the fucking mall in the hood to buy, you know, fucking rock aware for Christmas. But if she would have given you a J.Crew sweater you would have been so pissed. Yeah. Yeah. She's like I'll let

you dress like an idiot for like four years. You want another throwback jersey from Mitchell and Ness you fucking loser. I mean it was dark for a while. When we went to prom I dressed normal because I'm normal. But the When you have to say you're normal yeah you're

not maybe on prom night you did but i'll pull up some other pictures i was not no i was we we feel like he's just the talks but my buddy took our hot teacher to prom and like i can't imagine that being allowed today but she was just like yeah i'm down wait what happened sorry again he our buddy took our hot teacher To prom What That's fucking insane You met the buddy You know him

He's tall And she She was just like She came to prom I don't know if she like Sat at the table with us But they took pictures They walked in together

She danced Like I don't remember how much It is crazy How much little shit like that Like she was probably just like It'll be fun Yeah Like don't get me wrong They didn't get like Overtly sexual Or anything like that. Like she was probably just like, it'll be fun. Yeah.

Like, like, don't get me wrong. They didn't get like overtly sexual or anything like that, but we were making sexual jokes the entire, I would imagine. Yeah. That's,

that's inappropriate at any, uh, period of time. Like any, I think it was senior. It might've been, I think it was senior problem right now. That would be not going to happen.

Yeah. We had a teacher rumor that, um, that she fucked one of the students. And I think it was true. And I think, like, we all used to kind of make jokes. And, like, she wouldn't, like, get in on them. But, like, loud enough, like, she could hear them. And I think it was just, like, she sucked that kid's dick.

Dude, I think that's another one of those. And she was younger. And, like, not justifying it. But it was just, like, I think we just, like, knew it. And it was true. And nothing ever happened. It's kind of weird. We had that, but it was with an older teacher, and it was like...

As always, it depends on if you're hot or not. She was a mildly attractive old teacher, but I almost think that's kind of one of the... Almost like every school has that urban legend, where it's like, oh, that's the teacher who fucks everybody. I don't think she ever fucked anyone, but it was always like oh you got a meeting

with blank so you better bring her up the only teacher I ever kissed was our lunch lady you kissed the lunch lady R.I.P. Betty

she just died like in her 90s and I mouth kissed her after graduation with tongue? no not with tongue she was old as hell then and she just died so she lived another 15 years she was with a tongue she was no not with a tongue she was old as hell then

and and she just died so she lived another 15 years uh where'd you like get off the stage got your diploma I went like into the cafeteria like afterwards

and like Betty was like congratulations and I was like I don't know somehow we just ended up mouth kissing what was it like a mix up

or on purpose I think it was on purpose it wasn't it was it was on purpose for her. And I think I was kind of just like, here it is. All right, let's go with it. No tongue, no nothing. And it wasn't long, but it was our mouths touched. For some reason, I don't imagine the lunch lady being really that hot.

Oh, I got this. Slopping potatoes onto people's plates. I'm more sloppy, Joe. You know we like them extra sloppy. You gotta eat your growing boy. She was loud. No quiet lunch ladies. Why do you have a picture of her?

Because she just died. We got an email about it. An email about your deaf lunch lady? No one sends me emails with my former teachers and died we're not even talking about former teacher betty was a fucking staple at portugal abbey this chick betty was i guess he went to like fancy boarding school so like that's a little different so she's more like a chef probably not a lunch lady like my lunch ladies were out on bail or doing community service to make sure they could get the ankle bracelet off.

My lunch ladies were nuns who boiled hot dogs. Something about that is just wrong. Thank you. We walk into the hall and it just smelled like boiled hot dogs. And there's truly nothing worse than the scent of like Boiled hot dogs And there's truly Nothing worse

Than the scent of Hundreds of Boiled hot dogs It's making me feel Gross Even though I would Crush a boiled hot dog Right now

No I need it to be grilled Grilled Yeah No I feel you on that No I fuck a boiled dog I don't fuck it But I fuck with it You fuck boiled dogs

Oh speaking of urban legends My elementary school girlfriend Had her cousin Break a frozen hot dog Off in her pussy, which no way that actually happened. But that was what we were told. What? Fucking her with a dog and broken. Yeah, it was broken. I mean, again, we were in fourth grade.

That doesn't seem like you could do that. She told me. I wasn't there to inspect it. I don't know. I bet if you fucked with a frozen hot dog, it would break. I mean, you got to be fucking hammering yourself. No, that's what I'm saying. I don't get it. I think that would to inspect it. I don't know. I bet if you fucked with a frozen hot dog, it would break. I mean, you've got to be fucking hammering yourself. No, that's what I'm saying. I don't get it.

I think that would break pretty quickly. I don't get fucking foods. You know how people are like, yeah, cucumbers, eggplant. I'm like, no, that's not going to happen. I'm not going to put a cucumber in my pussy when there's sex stores everywhere I can buy a vibrator. There's Amazon. I can have a vibrator in two hours. That, I think, was reserved for like a 13-year-old girl living in like a repressed

household and you're like, I just need something to fucking put in there. And like, oh, look, there's a cucumber on the table. But also, I don't get it until I scroll across the thumbnail of it and I'm like, I'm checking it out. I mean, I'll give, I'll watch you put anything in your pussy. Is that a zucchini? Yeah. I'll take a peek.

Foods, devices, you know, whatever. You can put anything in your pussy. Is that a zucchini? Yeah. I'll take a peek. Foods, devices, you know, whatever. You can put anything in your pussy. I remember in high school somebody told me that, you know those miniature baseball bats? Yeah.

They fuck someone with one of those. And I was like, I never forgot it. It just stayed with me. I watched a woman fuck herself with a full one. A full baseball bat?

A full baseball bat. Bella Donna did? Yeah, she's a porn star. Yeah, I wasn't in the room. It was just I watched that video. That's crazy. I fucked a girl with a lava lamp. Yeah, I wasn't in the room. It was just I watched that video. That's crazy.

I fucked a girl with a lava lamp. No! What? Dude! No! But it wasn't hot, right? That would ruin your... Well, it was hot. Dude, getting fucked by a lava lamp?

It was a mini one. It was a mini one. Okay, okay. But the mini ones are still bigger than my dick was. What? That's crazy. That girl, like, I mean, it was like a, like a, like I spy. It was like, look around the room.

What are we going to put in there? Like, whatever. You got anything that's phallic shaped? It's going in. But yeah, that was wild. A lava lamp? A lava lamp is crazy, Tom. I'll never look at a lava lamp this day.

Because if that breaks, what if that breaks? Yeah, sure. But I mean, those are fucking. They're breaks? Yeah, sure. But those are fucking... They're sturdy? Yeah, yeah. It's like a glass. It'd be like if you... Yeah, the whiskey bottle breaks.

That was crazy. I was young, too. I am really much the way I am because of that girl. She was on board, too. She was like, yeah, give me that lava lamp. Her fucking idea. I always had a fantasy about fucking in Hawaii. Those from Hawaii?

Yeah. Oh, wow. I don't know if I can get wet for a lava lamp. That's just me. Everyone's got their kinks. My ex-boyfriend brought a stripper to his prom. What? He went to a strip place, saw a 20-something, and was like, damn, she's hot.

I want her to be my prom date. And then asked her to prom. She went with him. And then when I saw the photo, it was like a grown-ass woman and a teenage boy. He got so much street cred for bringing a stripper to prom. And the school was cool? The school was cool. They just thought it was a friend.

They thought it was just a lady. I've gone to prom from other schools and they don't know I'm not a stripper. But they saw me and they were like, that dude's not a stripper.

That guy, he looks bad naked in the mirror. That's fucking... I'm getting horned up over here. Jesus Christ, man. So this bitch is the podcast.

This bitch is the podcast. And you've been doing stand-up for a while now? I've been doing stand-up since 2010. So yeah. Yeah. A while. That's a while. And then I have a solo podcast called Shank.

So I have my solo podcast and then my podcast. I respect people who do the solo podcast. It's not easy. It's hard. It's hard to talk. Sometimes I'm like, I'm just going to be talking about myself in my room. That's kind of what people like about it. You know what I mean?

As long as you're good enough at it, decent enough at it. Because I've found when I just start really talking is when I'm either being really weird or really insightful or really, you know, like when you just. Yeah, during the pandemic. Forget about it. That's like a therapy session that just happened to be recording. Yeah, yeah the pandemic. Forget about it. That's like a therapy session that's just happened to be recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah. During the pandemic, I also went through a phase because I was so used to doing shows every night.

So I felt like a mentally ill person just like at home, just like with my thoughts. I'm like, what am I going to do? So I started hula hooping on live stream. People were tipping me to hula hoop. I was going to say, this is your honest story. This is a one or two way. Pretty slow. on livestream, people were tipping me to hula hoop. I was gonna say, this is your honest opinion. I was living at my parents hula hooping

on livestreams for cash. I'm not ashamed. My bitch did what she needed. I was like, yeah, give me $75, I'll hula hoop to that song for you. But then I was getting exhausted. 75 bones? Yeah. I was like, Rolling Stones? You want me to hula hoop to the Rolling Stones?

I had an LED hula hoop. My parents were downstairs like, what are you doing up there? Shut up, mom! You wouldn't understand. Are you really good at hula hoop? Yeah, I'm really good at hula hoop. So that's like... Yeah, that's Puerto Rican, I think, the hits.

It would be very funny if you were just like... And just hit your ankles and just try it again. And someone sent you like 75 bucks for that. How long can you hula hoop for? A while. Like, give me a ballpark. Like an hour. Wow.

If I'm like in shape. Yeah, yeah. Because it's hard. It's fucking exhausting. It's like a core workout. Yeah. Because you really don't move that much, right? No, it's just in your hips.

It's just like you just kind of flex, but it's like you're flex, flex, flex, flex. Yeah, but I had a light up LED hula hoop. I was into it for a second. Every night you're on Amazon looking for them. Were you doing it like... Was it like... Were people tipping you just like horny dudes? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Of course. The only people who spent money on the internet. It was just women. Women supporting women. Go, girl. Keep going. Two hours.

Let's see how long she can go. Go off, queen. Slay. How much did you end up making total, do you know? I think like $200 because I got tired. And I was like, this is getting weird. This feels very manic. I was like, it might be time to get a trampoline.

Then I got a trampoline. It was crazy. Did you tramp online? I tramped online for a minute. Lady and the in the tramp let's go it'd be perfect i was really nervous about hurting myself on the trampoline the trampoline i like fly off and then was it like did it have like the little handle thing and you're jumping on it no it was like a little workout trampoline i dm some company i was like listen i need a trampoline i'm not gonna drop 300 on trampoline but i'll post for you on the trampoline so for like a week i was doing the

trampoline and it was great but my parents called me last week they said hey we're cleaning out the house can we get rid of this trampoline i said yeah yeah it reminds me of a dark time. You can get rid of it. That's okay. That's fucking... Dark manic time. It is crazy, though, that I guess everybody makes a lot of money in weird ways, but girls specifically can be like, I don't know, I'm a hula hoop on camera tonight, make a couple hundred bucks. Yeah.

Like, we couldn't do that, you know? But a little part of you does die inside. Sure. You're like, meh, there's other ways to make money. Chipotle's hiring, I think. I can cut up a carne asada. Yeah, I mean, to me, it's just,

it's like, who cares, though? Whatever. It doesn't, I mean, like, you get over a little bit of stigma and you make some cash, whatever. Oh, yeah, here's the thing. It was fun while it lasted. I'll never go back to hula hooping for cash. You get over a little bit of stigma and you make some cash or whatever. Yeah, here's the thing. It was fun while it lasted.

I'll never go back to hula hooping for cash. I'll do it for fun on my own time when I feel like doing it. I'll pay myself. Yeah. With memories. I'll never go back. Exactly. Put me in a body bag before I go back to doing hula hoop for cash, man. Because the LED hula hoops are kind of expensive.

So when the pandemic started, I DM'd this guy on Etsy. I was like, hey, can I get a pandemic hoop discount? He said, yeah. He gave me 40% off. Wow. How much is a LED hula hoop? It was like $100 and something, but I knew that it wasn't going to be working. So I was like, let me see if I can get a discount because the world's shutting down.

We thought it was only going to be two weeks. I'm like, it's fine. I'll just hoot for the next two weeks. That's probably not a – like a lot of the comics we came through were like very established and rich or whatever. And they were talking about like, oh, you know, it was hard to not go up there. It's like, fuck you. You basically got like, you know. You're fine.

You got like a long vacation. Like imagine it was a scary time when, you like, fuck you. You basically got several months. You're fine. You got a long vacation. Imagine it was a scary time when you're- No, it's horrible. Yeah. Yeah, it was horrible. You're not listening? I was hula hooping for cats. The only way to make-

Hey, yeah, again. Hula hooping. No, I mean, the only way to make money was through doing my podcast. It was before Kim and I had our podcast together. So that's what I mostly focused on. But I couldn't even get guests. I was in that house just talking. Yeah. In my parents' house.

You would have thought it was an easy time to get guests. Everyone else is home. Everyone's like, no, I'm doing my podcast to live to. Everyone else was also scared because it was like people were dropping. You know what I mean? It was a different part of the pan. People were dropping like flies. Like, I'm not coming over to do your fucking podcast, bitch.

You have less than 100,000 followers. Are you crazy? Every TV channel just had the death count on the corner. Moving around like the DVD symbol just always bounced out. I'm like, you want to come over and I'm good. That would be a tough way to go. Like, how'd you get it? How'd you die? I was going to do shank.

Got shanked on shank. When it first started and I was still living in New York, I ended up moving home eventually for a bit. I remember I didn't have masks. It was like when masks... No one had masks at the time. Shout out to Dr. Oz. Remember he predicted that?

No. He predicted it was not going to be bad. No, but he predicted. He said if it ever is bad, the main problem will be a shortage of masks. Oh, really? I don't know what you're talking about. Aren't you on Oprah? Violet, did you see his thing? He's running for president, isn't he?

He's running for senator of Pennsylvania. What? The world is crazy. He introduced me to chia seeds. Never heard of them before, Dr. Oz. And what does that do for you? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What's it supposed to do for you? He was talking a big game about these chia seeds, and then I looked into it. I tasted a chia seed. I said, I'm good. Listen, Dr. Oz. He's probably involved in big chia. He's got stock in chia seeds.

I used to work out a lot when I was in college, after college, and I would drink these smoothies, milkshakes, and I would dump chia seeds in them. And I drank one... Was that a chia pet? Is that the same thing? Is it? Really? I think that if you let the seeds grow, it would look like

a chia pet. Oh, yeah, yeah. I guess a chia pet is really based on the shape of it. I love a chia pet. I, yeah, yeah. I guess a chia pet is really based on the shape of it. I love a chia pet. I'm going to be honest. In seventh grade, which is too old to do this, I found a chia pet at a garage sale. I brought it to my teacher, and I said, can this be the class pet?

And she said, yes. You are entirely too old to be doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm a comic now. Something went wrong. That teacher was like, I don know that weird jewish puerto rican girl that weird puerto rican jew irish doesn't have any friends so i'll let you be the fucking geopet of the room she was insane though she told us that in an emergency we could baptize our friends with uh orange crush soda so they could like go to heaven so they what kind of emergency are we talking about where you start giving somebody get the crush out the plane's going down get the orange soda we got

to make sure we all get into heaven yeah that's fucking crazy my seventh grade friend is having a heart attack i might as well baptize him like i'm jewish i already did my jewish stuff like no no you coming with us Gotta get that original sin off you That's the I mean the fact that It's just like you're Automatically born with sin

You have to go to church Right away to wash it off Oh and by the way Give me like 20 bucks every week You fucking rats Yeah yeah Such skunks I only like the stained glass

The Jew Yeah beautiful I'm in it for the stained glass The church The architecture All that shit That's beautiful The rest of it

The Jews do Death real good Yeah, beautiful. I'm in it for the stained glass. The architecture, all that shit, that's beautiful. The rest of it, meh. The drip's cool. The Jews do death real good. You are fucking in the box, in the dirt, game over real fast. Real fast, yes. They don't let it sit around. What about shiva, though? That's all goddamn weird. That part sucks, but hanging out with a dead body for 96 hours like we do?

I like it. I think you have to be in the dirt. No! hours like we do. I like it. I think you have to be in the... No. Are you liking it? I think it's funny. Nothing worse to me than seeing a dead body. Oh, I couldn't care less. What weirds me...

I don't want to see it in a morgue, but when it's got a nice presentation... It never has a nice presentation because the person who's doing the hair and makeup doesn't know how they normally do their hair and makeup, but they don't like it. No, they get a picture. They get a picture.

No, no. I don't know. They get a picture before that person was ravaged by a disease or a bus. It's hard to make you look like that after you've been trampled by a car or something. I've seen some good vibes. I'm like, you're looking pretty tasty.

Jeffrey Dahmer over here. Are you a true crime freak? No, I'm a pussy when it comes to murder. I don't dabble in murder. We need more of that. You know what I mean? I'm not an insane bitch in that way. Sure, I'll bring a chia pet and pretend it's a real animal.

But besides that, no, I'm not into murder. Are you a snooper? Do you go through your boyfriend's phone? Yeah. That's Puerto Rican. Yeah, that's... Well, like, okay, and it's to the point where my ex-boyfriend he pulled out his phone and one day he i couldn't help it it was just like the second it came out yeah he's like you're always looking at my phone

i'm like no no i'm not i'm not looking at your phone why would i i totally trust you i'm not looking at your phone at all that type i just saw a tiktok go viral that um your alexa has like a saved log of all the times you've talked to it and shit so like she was able she's like screen recorded it and it was like the boyfriend and and his side chick being like alexa volume up alexa play this song let's play that song and uh does it song does it say like female voice male voice no it's recorded Alexa's a narc Alexa's a fucking snitch dude I've always been anti Alexa

I've been anti any of that shit in your house I do not like that stuff I do not have that stuff in my house because of like the government's listening or just because it's just like a bit of both like I will never use the cloud ever again like no matter how convenient it is or if like why I got burned with fucking you know the cloud saving passwords and logging

in and all the shit like I just never need to be burned by the cloud bitch um I dated someone who had like a google in his kitchen so anytime I needed anything, I'd be like, hey, Google said timer. And then when we broke up, I went back to my house where I didn't have that. And I remember it was a sad day. I was like, hey, Google, nothing happened. I was in the... Alexa chimes in, Google's not here, you single bitch. Yeah, yeah.

That was the vibe for sure. I was like, oh, nothing more lonely than talking to a Google that's not there. Your show was like, shut up. Hey, than talking to a Google that's not there. Your show was like, shut up. Hey, Google said timer. You got dumped. Yeah.

This girl, I want to see because I love when people go viral on TikTok and then they put up, like she put up another one

that was like, it said like, do you want part two? And it was just her making faces like, ugh. I was like, yes,

I do. Tell me. But it was funny because she then showed the oh she went private that bitch you can't go like viral and then go private you know I want to see the fucking she sent a screenshot she sent a text message she posted the screenshot texted him with like

a screen recording and he was like dead to rights you know and she he was trying to desperately spin it like so she it sounded like she they were in bed together they were dating they went to sleep she found out that like through the alexa and then left like went to her mom's house or whatever being i'm out of here he woke up and was like where is my girlfriend so he tried to spin it as you left the apartment and you were cheating on me. And he was like, I can't believe it. A bold attempt.

Yeah. Like, I swear. It was British, too. So it was using all these words and, like, funny slang and shit. But he was like, you're a cheat. You're a cheat. And she was like, are you really trying to do this right now? I've got all the receipts right here.

But you can't be like, do you want to see part two and then go fucking. Dude, that's like one of my all time. It's a power move kind of. You want to see part two on private, you got to friend me. I was going to say,

I might follow. You know what? Follow. Some people do that as like a move. Yeah. To get more followers. Yeah.

I did that for a little while on Instagram and I was like, this is such a pain in my goddamn ass. It's too annoying to set it as private than private. I'd rather just not have followers.

Just stay public. Yeah, like approve, approve, approve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. But I had a buddy's, a friend of a friend. I went to go visit a college just for the weekend. And I met this kid who was my buddy's roommate. And he pulled one of those you try and blame her moves.

Where she was studying abroad. She came to Australia, I think. She came home. They hooked up. She had gonorrhea. Mm-hmm. And he was like, I mean,

he's like, I've been fucking girls with gonorrhea. But to her, how did this happen? Well, you fucked girls with gonorrhea. To her,

he's like, you fucking cheated on me in Australia, blah, blah, blah. And then she confessed. He gaslit her. She was like, you're right,

I did. No! And he's like, I knew it! No! And then he got out, I knew it! No! And then he got out, and they got a Z-Pack, and I just thought... And the relationship's over. The relationship was over.

I think eventually, because he was just telling me this story. It wasn't like a thing that just happened. It had happened, like, either years before, or months before, or whatever. And I think he ended up, like, coming clean and being like, just so you know, like, I also cheated on you. Who knows where the gonorrhea came from? Why would you admit it?

Because that girl, I mean, that girl would be like, I know it was you, and then just flip it on you, and you're still in trouble. Well, like a long-distance relationship, someone's going to catch an STD. Yeah, right? It's just what you're signing up for. Yeah. It is what it is. That is great, though.

That's a bluff in poker. You won the hand. You're right. I did cheat. What? Wait. I wouldn't even be able to play it cool. I would have been like, holy shit.

What the fuck? You cheated on me? What the fuck? That's like, oh, my God. That's like a dream right there. It worked. It fucking worked. All right. So you got to two podcasts. Yeah, I got to two podcasts. Oh my god That's like a dream Right there It worked It fucking worked Alright so

You got the two podcasts Yeah I got the two podcasts Are you touring Or doing any dates Or anything anytime soon Yeah I'm gonna be In Austin We're doing this bitch live

At the beginning of January I believe it's January 7th So that Look out for that And we're doing A stand up show It's Vulcan Gas Co In Austin

So that That And then I'll have more dates on my Instagram at Princess Shank and I also have a Patreon

for bonus content awesome go see the hula hooping yeah alright thank you so much thank you for having me so much fun សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.