KFC Radio - F**kboi Passports

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

Subscribe, rate, share, and leave a review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -Feits has a doctors note to be a f**kboi -A Chknhed wants to know if his wife's butthole could save his marriage -AITA Thursday: BDSM Collars at weddings, peeing in the shower, go fund me nosejob -We listen to your song submissions -Voicemails: Losing clothes to a hookup, pb&j or grilled cheese, worst bumper sticker Let us know what you think on social: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @nickhammy5 @Jnics415You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to introduce to you the greatest show of all time. I don't know how to use my brain, heart, or cock. I am just a bag of worthless meat. Are you ready? I am just a bag of worthless meat. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We got Am I the Asshole today. We got our voicemails.

We're back in action. We're going to go through some musical submissions because we got about 10 more of those of people trying to make our new theme song. So we're going to go through the good, the bad, and the ugly from the musically inclined KFC Radio fans. Not many, I imagine. Not many, I don't think. Please subscribe to our YouTube, you motherfuckers. Do that. While we're talking about our fan base,

please fucking subscribe. Oh, you're looking at the camera. Yeah. I didn't know where I had... Is that what you always look at when you look over here? Yeah, the other day I was going to correct you. You thought I was looking at the TV. I always turn around like, what's on TV? I do it all the time. Yeah was looking at the TV. I always turn around and I'm like, what's on TV? I do it all the time.

Yeah, no, it's just the camera. Every time I'm like, why is he so enthralled with the next desktop? Nope, just staring into the souls and the eyes of our listeners and viewers. I never even thought about that. It's right now. Because you've got your camera over here. Yeah, never looked at that one. I looked down the back.

And what's funny is if you did look at that, I'd be like, what the fuck's wrong? Who's at the door? I'm going to start. Yeah. I don't have a point at it every time. I what's funny is if you did look at that, I'd be like, what the fuck's wrong? Who's at the door? I'm going to start. Yeah. I don't have a point at it every time. I'm really going to fuck you up. Yeah. We're idiots.

I am an actual idiot. Yeah. I know. Like dead serious. Also dead serious. This is a true story. I had my therapist tell me that I just don't know how to use a brain. She says I am not like it's a tool like yes, like it's a bandsaw.

Like I don't know how to use that. I don't know how to use that weed whacker. Basically, my brain is if you just you grabbed a hammer and you're trying to use the claw. Like sideways. Yeah. She's like, it's just – you don't use it right. You don't know how to use the brain. What does she say you're supposed to do and what are you doing? Well, I do like – I just like – we always talk about how I just don't think most of the time.

I'm just not – like nothing is going on in my head. Apparently because when I do think, I do it about so many different things and my brain goes into like hyperdrive and then the rest of the time it's like self-serving like being like we just gotta shut down because he gets too animated and uses it too often it's puppy stuff it's puppy stuff you like run yourself tired kind of yeah and then your brain's like look we need to fucking chill and then but none of it's a

productive none of it whatsoever it's not like it's not like you're um like I feel like I feel like guys like Zuckerberg probably like they go into their coding zone and they like use their brain on overdrive and they create Facebook and then they crash. Yeah, that's what I do. But you're overdrive. I create a podcast, Kevin. Yeah.

I go for one hour. This is your magnum opus. Or two hours, whatever it may be. I go for two hours and the brain is like, look, we're done. You do shut down. There are times when we wrap up the podcast. Usually we'll wrap up around like five sometimes even like six and then like nick will try to like talk some business and i'm like john's done yeah we'll talk yeah my brain is saving himself if i keep going

i'm gonna die like there are times with keegan where i'm like you need to take a nap buddy and it's the same thing with you i know when i need to put John down for a nap And she also told me that I um Because I'm so fucking pragmatic That Nothing is ever a big deal to me And she said That's why romantic relationships are so hard for you

And like maybe not the best idea Jesus Christ she's just writing you off from the idea of having Any sort of romance Bro she gave me a doctor's note to be a fuckboy Ha ha ha Imagine that idea of having any sort of romance? Bro, she gave me a doctor's note to be a fuckboy. Imagine that. You don't call your girl back and it's like, you know, my doctor said it's not a good idea.

You know they're talking about vaccine passports? You got like a fuckboy passport where like the girl can, you know, she could be calling you up. You could FaceTime her and just be like, look. My doctor said I can't be in relationships. That is amazing. I wrote it down in the middle of the Zoom call. I was like, her and just be like, look. My doctor said I can't be in relationships. That is amazing. I wrote it down in the middle of the Zoom call. I was like, I'm distracted. It was unbelievable.

You've got a doctor's note to be a fuckboy. It's the ultimate free pass. Dude, like, I haven't used it yet. I'm going to start busting that thing out. Bust it. Bust it. Bust it. No, but you know

what's even better? I remember, this is a long time ago, I had a friend who moved out to LA, California somewhere and he was trying

to be like a movie, like a script writer and he actually ended up doing it. But he also, like he went out there and he was from Pennsylvania so he just went out there

and I think it was a whole new world of like fucking girls and parties and you know just like how relationships work and all these things and I remember him saying he was like I'm gonna try something out it was like a Costanza thing he was like I'm just gonna be honest

at all times and I was like you're fucking crazy man. What kind of game you running bro? Right but and it would be like kind of ruthless and brutal but like he would tell you know he would tell girls and I'm kind of he's probably going to like see this. I never did that. But but but I think part of it would be like, you know, yeah, like, listen, I like you.

But like, I want to fuck other girls, too. You know, just like blonde. Like, yeah, no, like I do enjoy fucking you, but I don't enjoy like anything else. So we're not going to be a thing. Just like, you know, no games, no lying, lying no beating around the bush even if it was painful like i'm just giving you the brutal truth and i think if you you can't be like i got a passport to be a fuck boy but if you if you did it i like how we've we've conflated the mind with honesty well but i'm exploiting a person i pay i i think if you you couldn't just say hey i

got a doctor's note to like you know hit it and quit it but if you were to tell some girl if you were to be like you know like uh speaking speaking to my therapist and really doing like some self reflection i've just learned about myself that like monogamy you know what i mean like if you just talked it up in these big flowery words and terms. I could see girls being like, I really respect the honesty. Like, let's fuck anyway. Because girls are crazy like that. I think, I think, like, mine would be, I'm,

it's honesty, but, like, I'm just, like, it is, like, it's, it's not you, it's me. Like, my therapist told me that I'm going to drive you nuts. Because you're going to care about things, and I'm not going to. And you know what? And then they want, you know, then they're like, I can fix you, I can fix you. Like, that would make going to drive you nuts. Right. Because you're going to care about things and I'm not going to. And you know what? And then they want, you know, then they're like, I can fix you. I can fix you.

Like, that would make them want you even more. No, no, I don't even care about that. I don't care about being fixed. I don't want that. Oh, they would be soaking wet. They'd be like, he's so broken, he doesn't even want to be fixed. I will fuck you every single night. I think that they would then be like, and then you're covered. You could be like, listen, I told you.

My cards are on the fucking table. I mean, there is, I've said this about with me. It's very nice that all of my darkest, deepest, darkest skeletons are all on the table. There's nothing that, when I meet somebody, there's no surprises coming your way. You know fucking everything by then because it's all on the tabloids. But in this case, you could almost just do that to yourself.

You could just do it and just say it and it's on the table and they'd be like, I got the doctor to back it up. I'm not lying. I'm not going to give a shit about anything you ever care about, just so you know. Right. And they will love it. You'll never guess how it worked today. Oh, I don't care. I'll tell you why I'll never guess what happened because i'm not even gonna try yeah i don't

want to guess because i don't want to know tell me about what fucking deborah did tell me i'm gonna pretend to give a shit and then actually when i don't have to pretend to give a shit i was actually watching um i was watching um uh a designated survivor and they were telling us a proverb uh and i was like i was like oh that's exactly how i think and it's your proverb it is i just googled it to see it's a chinese proverb let me read to you yes which is this is literally exactly how my brain functions and this is it's it's a it's a thing of that you should strive for according to the chinese yeah once upon a time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years one day his horse ran away upon hearing the news his neighbors came to visit such bad luck they

said sympathetically you must be so sad we'll see the farmer said the next morning the horse returned bring with it two wild horses how How wonderful, the neighbors exclaimed. Not only did the horse return, but you received two more. What great fortune you have. I will see, answered the farmer. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors came to offer their sympathy of the misfortune.

Now your son cannot help you with your farming. What terrible luck you have. We'll see, the farmer replied. The following week, military officials came to the village to conscript young men into the army. Seeing that his son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated. With great luck.

The man smiled to himself and once again said, We'll see. Then the next day, a fucking tsunami hits and he's dead, but if he was off at war, he would have survived. What great luck. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see is the new motto.

Yeah, we'll see. That's been my motto, motherfucker! That's the motto when we're YOLO! Yeah. That is the best, most absolutely apathetic way to go through life. Like, hey, you should be excited about this.

Nah. Hey, you should be really upset about this. Eh. Maybe we'll see. Just Looking at it, baby. You're looking at it in the flesh. I've always said this about myself and I think I gotta give the title to you. Like, the reason why, because people will be like, you know, come on, no, you guys, like, you're talented. This is, like, impressive. And I'm like,

no, not really. And I, and the reason why this works is I've, and I've always said about myself. So the other shows I've done is just, I'm the most middle of the road, man, ever. I'm just medium through and through,

you know, just never high, never low, never good, never bad, never successful, never failure, never talented,

never not talented, but you might truly be just, you are the 50th percentile for everything. You know? Half the population is above and half is below, and you are just right there in the middle. You are the mean, the median, and the average, brother. Like the man, the myth, the legend.

I'm the mean, the median, and average. John Feidelberg. The most average, middle, medium man to ever walk the face of the earth with a fuck boy pass with the fuck boy pass might make you special god i'm telling you that single guys should should just make like just pretend that you're john play this card and be like my therapist told me that my brain is so broken that i don't know how to love and I can't be loved and I can't stick around and I can't be romantic and all of these things.

I mean, by the way, this is also the self-proclaimed romantic. This is the man who says, I'm a romantic. And he's also like, I can be a fuckboy. I'm allowed, the doctor,

I'm a doctor prescribed fuckboy, but you're a romantic? Yeah. It's also like, I guess that kind of checks out because you can be a heavy romantic and then ditch a chick and then it's like you're being i guess you almost need to be a romantic at times to be the fuck boy exactly right so yeah so so the actual you know what you are when it comes to this

for everything else you're middle of the road like you don't care but the reason why you end up in the middle of the road on this shit is because you go to this extreme and then this extreme that averages out to the middle also true everything else everything else you never really go to the extremes but for this stuff it's like i love you i'll fuck you and and then it's like i don't like yeah yeah and you end up averaging out right back to the middle fuck boy so why even don't even bother going that way just just have the the passport and be like we know we're gonna end up right here so let's just stay right here i also respect the fact that like she's just like yeah i wouldn't like it's not for you.

And like you just don't know how to use your brain. And I'm like, wait, isn't it your job to fix this? Well, I think I rolled into the shop with a car and they're just like totaled broken. Like, no, the fucking it's just got a bad tire. I think that doesn't work. I think I've heard this a couple of times from you recapping therapy. And so I can't decide whether you have the worst therapist in the world or if you are truly a specimen.

I feel like your therapist did something else where she gave up and was like, never mind. Oh! She gives up every week. Every single week. You know what you found? You have found you in a therapist who's like, I don't know. We'll see.

You can pour your guts out and your therapist goes like we'll see we're out of time we'll see what happens next week we don't we've never run out of time she leaves before we've never run 45 minutes leaves early she's like look i think we've i think we've really kind of maxed out today huh i'm like i agree i need to interview your therapist can we do something where you sign off your confidentiality We won't talk about your real issues But I want to talk to her about you And just hear her be like

Yeah this fucking guy I don't know I need a behind the blog With John's therapist I think it definitely wouldn't be Out of the I don't know her well I've only known her for a year But I would definitely be down to ever come on and be like Tell everyone I'm fucked up I'm not faking it up And you don't know her well. I've only known her for a year, but I would definitely be down to ever come on and be like, tell everyone I'm fucked up by him.

I'm not faking it up. Tell them. And you don't need to give me the specifics, but you could just be like. You can give me the specifics? Sure, go ahead and tell them. It's amazing. It's truly amazing that, you know,

I mean, we'll see is so inspiring. It's such a great way to be, though. Look, never get too high, never get too low. Just like, we'll see. Yeah, this book is still unwritten. Is that Natasha Bedingfield? I was going to say. The rest is still unwritten.

But wait, why did we just quote Natasha? Just because you wanted to? That's just another way to say, we'll see. The rest is still unwritten. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Yeah, yeah. I feel that. I feel that. Natasha. Chinese proverb.

Natasha Bedingfield. I see. We're going to get to a point where Fidelberg is on his deathbed, you know, and I'll be like, dude, it's over for you. Maybe we'll see. Maybe not. You could win Powerball. Bro, my grandfather died like seven times.

That dude was on his deathbed. Like, got to the point where he was like, bro, come on, man. I've come to say goodbye to you a million times. Was that the mushrooms? Yeah. So yeah, on my deathbed I was giving you... You cried wolf so many times that we were doing heavy drugs when you were

quote unquote on your deathbed. We'll see what we saw. We saw psychedelic fucking hallucinations on the wall at your funeral. We saw. God damn. I'm so happy because I really did not like our last episode. I just didn't think it was like, ugh.

I was like getting back into it. I felt like rusty. Oh, it was a great episode. Yeah, it was the first time that I've ever really walked up and been like, ugh, I don't know about that. But now I like this one a lot. This one's great. And it's brought to you by Freefly, which is perfect because it's one of my favorite clothing brands that we work with. They've got the best swishy soft pants that you can rock. All Freefly is made for like fly fishing and outdoor stuff where it's got like the

shirts that like have SPF coverage and they they're made for like fly fishing and outdoor stuff where it's got like the shirts that like have SPF coverage and they're made for the outdoors with moisture wicking. It's bamboo, right? Yeah. A little bamboo material. The shirts I have, the bamboo shirts. I don't know how they take bamboo sticks and turn them into soft shirts, but they're a little bit stretchy.

But I have the Henley, so it's actually a little bit stylish. It's outdoor performance gear, but it's also like indoor lounge gear and stylish enough you can wear it out the pants that i have are like these loungy pants but also look kind of like khakis from a distance you can wear those out and again if you want to go fishing and hunting and hiking these are all clothes that you can wear for that so whether you're an indoors guy or an outdoors guy uh free fly has got you covered uh the soft bamboo is is i mean it's like a this like it's like cool as well it's like a cool like you put it on it's like you know what it is free fly bamboo shirts are the equivalent of when you flip your pillow over and you get the cool side of the pillow great marketing right

that one's free next one's gonna cost you okay yeah uh so get the bamboo shirts get the the comfy pants. They've also got, like, nice pants that are, like, buttoned up, wear it with a belt, like, you know, nice outfit type shit. So you can kind of do it all. Dress it up, dress it down, indoor, outdoor. When you go to freeflyapparel.com slash KFC, and you'll get 20% off that order.

That's freeflyapparel.com slash KFC. So we'll get into Am I the Asshole and our voicemails. But first, I've got a listener submission. Oh. And I will run through it with you. I feel bad because he submitted this a couple weeks ago, and I said we'll do it on the show, and I just never did. So we're a little late to it.

That's about RMO. He should have expected that. Yeah, yeah. He knows. Did we say we're going to do something? Probably. Did we not follow through on something? Sorry, I don't know how my brain works, okay?

You just got a free pass to be dumb. Yeah, I got a free pass to be dumb yeah i got a free pass to be dumb and a slut it's awesome imagine someone's like phytoberg's such a dumb slut it's like well the doctor prescribed it yeah like house house's diagnosis he's a dumb slut actually we go we prefer to go by broken brain fuck boys oh we'll see well he's a broken brain fuck boy we'll see. Well, he's a broken brain fuckboy. We'll see. I was thinking about, like, imagine if you didn't know how to use your other important organs. Imagine if I just breathed, if I was just like... I don't know how to use my cock either.

Yeah, there's a lot of things we don't know how to use. I don't know how to use my brain, heart, or cock. I am just a bag of worthless meat. I don't know how to use my brain, my heart, or my cock. I mean, what is left? What is left? Over the age of 18, you could have said, I play sports. After that's gone, it's like nothing. You got nothing.

You can't think, you can't fuck, and you can't feel. That is quite literally. No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Quite literally, the three things that make you a human. Your ability to think, your ability to feel, and your ability to, like, procreate and, like, fuck. You can't. You're not a human.

I can't do any of them. You're not a human, John. You can't think. You've argued this for a while. We might have empirical evidence at this point. Yeah. Yeah, for real. We have proven it.

We have doctors saying so. You're not a human. You don't sweat. You don't have the hair. What if I'm actually an alien? How dope would that be? Have you ever done like, no, you've never done the DNA testing, right? No.

We should do that. And the company would be like no match no like it's all it broke the whole thing i'd still be like 0.03 sub-saharan african though just so i could brag about it everyone is yeah everyone's got it uh you post on my instagram story like fucking everybody you're either not human or you're like the missing link you know what i mean you're like you're like the or maybe you're – you know what? You also could argue the broken brain thing is tough. But I would say you could make the argument that – Boy, if you were just smart, we can make a real argument here.

If you were smart, you would be an alien. I would be down with the alien thing because your heart and your cock are two very, in my mind, like primitive things. Like couldn't you see aliens being like these foolish humans experience love that's so irrational and such a waste of time and would you believe that they like they still have sex with their dicks like you know in demolition man where you put the thing on your head

and that's how you have sex demolition man instead of having sex you just put like a band on your head and it like makes you cum so that's what like the future is so I can see them being like he doesn't use his hey yes but all of this

is because they are so advanced mentally whereas you are or am I evolved I don't know things sure no you're not you don't know anything bro I have reached Chinese proper enlightenment. My meditation, fucking Dalai Lama levels.

I shut my brain off all the fucking time. That you're good at. So I'm enlightened like a higher being? But you also don't do anything with that. So you meditate, but what do you do with your brain power that's so heightened? Podcast. Successful podcast, Kevin. thing with that so you meditate and like but what do you do with your brain power that's so like heightened podcast successful podcast kevin at which by the way is the last like you've been your whole life you've been like growing into a fuck boy and then the last one was i have a podcast so that when you can finally say that to girls at the bar or whatever, I have a podcast and they're like, fuck, boy.

And for anybody who doesn't believe it, bam, card-carrying member of the fuck, boy society. I have a podcast and the StockX app. What's up, ladies? You are either 100% fuck, boy or like 99% alien. Or maybe that's somewhere in between. Those things overlap. Wow.

We'll see, man. This is fun and sad. Before I read the reader DM, I got one more. The reader had a question, but I also just got this one dude who just gave me some thoughts. Oh, this was when I was on vacation.

He said to me, I hope you're doing well. You need the break, which is one of those things that's like you look tired. When people tell you that you need a break from your career, it's like Jesus Christ, dude. So, yeah, he started out with that. And then today he followed up with, I always thought you and fights being depressed on the show was somewhat of an act but i really don't think so anymore i hope you get better and let the help you need come and stop lying to your therapist i'm just really reading this for the first time now i replied to it but i didn't really read it uh how about fuck you dude how about fuck you uh yeah he just

thanks man really appreciate the wait a second I mean god damn that's like when you see someone on the street I hope you get better and let the help you need come and stop lying how about fuck you you instinctively throw the hand up and then realize wait they said fuck you Feidelberg oh no no no, no.

Oh, wait. Yeah, these guys. You think you know me? Fuck you. Okay, back to the question or the situation, let's call it. Here's a question you could have in the show. Is it possible that a picture of my soon-to-be ex-wife's asshole could save my marriage? This is a reader DM?

Yes. Hell yeah. Wow, she shows me all the time. Believe me, thought about it. Thought about asking for the evidence. My wife and I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, but it's been in the works for a couple years the problems we had in our marriage were primarily financial where she always spent way more money than our budget allowed and racked up credit card debt often without my knowledge on cards i had no idea about she also complained about me drinking too much once a week with her friends with my friends seemed like a lot

to her because she's not a drinker there's no way the guy was just going out once a week uh sex was infrequent but great whenever we had it. Our two kids cock-blocked us a lot over the last three years. Since finalizing our decision to get divorced in January, her sex drive has been insane. She wanted to fuck me pretty much every day, multiple times a day, and she's telling me she can't fathom losing me. I regularly remind her of the problems that led us to this point, and she always responds quote i'm gonna regret losing you uh forever if i do i moved out two weeks ago and the sex is still happening two to three times a week when she pushes to come over to my house or for me to come over to hers last night she let me take pictures of her after sex for me to quote jerk off to while we're not

together i have to admit this is jack earmuffs. I have to admit I lost my spot. Where is it? I have to admit the picture of her spreading her ass cheeks is making me question if I should get divorced. It's the hottest fucking thing she has ever done and the picture is top notch.

I still realize we have a lot of problems but shit like this makes my dumb brain see past all that because anyone else getting to enjoy that would infuriate me. Can't tell if she's doing this to get back together with me or further ruin my life. So I ask again, is it possible? Oh, women. There is so much jam packed in here. Like, first of all, I can't tell if she's doing this because she loves me or hates me.

That is incredible. It's basically every relationship ever the fact that that is so common that men would have that in their brains like you're either doing you're either doing something that is so incredibly selfless and loving and amazing or it's the most diabolical plot i've ever heard in my life and it is a coin flip on which one it could be that's crazy it's also crazy that this man listed out the most serious of relationship issues. Drinking problems. All of them.

Financial problems. Doing things behind my back. Lying to me. I mean, check, check, check, check. All of the worst of the worst. And then the thought that all of that might be erased by a picture of her asshole, while ridiculous, is an entirely reasonable question. Because that type of sex

and that single picture. Oh, and then the last thing, which is so normal and real and a major issue, is not even the thought necessarily of like, oh man, she's so hot. I want her. It's, I don't want anyone else to have her. It's like, oh, I'm over this chick. Very, very controlling.

Super manipulative. Super controlling. But the thought of like oh man she's gonna fuck someone like especially like you've been together when you when you're with somebody and you like turn them out like you like you you like figure you know that you figure each other's sex lives out like together you know what i mean and you turn them into like a freak, and then it's like, and now someone else just gets to read that? Fuck that. It's almost like, you know when you sell NFTs? You might not know this.

So if you make an NFT, and then someone buys it from you, if that next person sells it, you still get 10%. You should get 10% of the sex of your exes. It's like I gave you job training. You can't go work somewhere else. You have get 10% of the sex of your exes. Yeah. It's like I gave you job training. You can't go work somewhere else.

Exactly. You have to work here. You know what it's like? It's like in finance, if you work for a company and they pay for your MBA, you have to work for them. Because they're like, we're not going to pay for your schooling. And then you just bounce and go to another firm. So I'm not going to turn you in to like a porn star. And then some other guy, night night one gets the full fucking treatment

fuck that unless like like every now and then you have to come back and fuck me like once a month you know what i mean i get 10 of the sex so tell your new boyfriend once a month you have to fuck me and and and it's because it's a good deal trust me because you're gonna get it every other night you get it the other 29 days a month because of the work i did so i understand this guy from top to bottom i get all of it um they must have just been like they must be kind of like high school sweethearts or college that's what i'm thinking because like guess what dude they all have assholes i was gonna say you can get you can get pictures of assholes you know but everyone's got an asshole now but i i say this. Not all assholes are created equal.

No, there are some pictures you do not. I'm like, close those cheeks. Squeeze them together. I don't want to see that. That's why I think like amateur porn is such a gift to society. Just so you know, don't always expect the porn star asshole. And boy, there's nothing quite like... What's a good comparison?

Perhaps pizza? No. What's a good comparison for like... The good ones are good and the bad ones are bad. Tuna sandwich. Assholes are like tuna. They're either going to be like, wow, this is great.

Or it's like, oh, my God. I don't ever want to even look at that thing, let alone eat it. I'm just holding down a gag right now. Okay. I think we're past it. But so when this guy's got a good tuna sandwich on his hands And it's his And it's hers, you know, it's theirs together

And while I will say There's other, you know, you can get other pictures You gotta put in some work before you get A casting couch to spread your cheeks Spread your cheeks is interesting You gotta put in a few babies Yeah, right, apparently you have to be married I do, like, it is like

I think it's guys and girls Which which is like everything is wrong with this relationship. But I might get horny later. Yeah. It really is. The horny police should be an actual thing. What a great skit that would be. Like they bust down your door with the fucking barricade thing. And there's a dog who comes in with a little mini bat and actually hits you

before you text your ex, before you stay in a marriage that is clearly horrific just because you can get your fuck on. The horny police actually hitting you with a real bat would be unbelievable. It is. It is crazy. The power people have over one another. We're like,

you like the man said, our divorce has been years in the making. I haven't been happy since fucking Obama was in office, the guy said. And then he goes, but, that butthole, pretty good. That asshole. I mean,

it is, the power that it has over people is nuts. Like, you lose your brain. You lose your mind. Like, if this... I would love to... If this here man

got this story from another friend, like, financially, trust-wise, like, happy, everything, catastrophic. But should I stay together for her butthole?

You'd be like, fucking no. But when you're in it, you're like, well, maybe, you know, hear me out, hear me out, guys. Hear me out. Hear me out, guys. Hear me out. I mean, the decision-making process.

I feel like it's not fair that he didn't show us the picture. I got to know. I'm going to text him right now. I think it's only fair, swear to God, that you show us a picture. Let me check the spokes on that wagon wheel. If he sends it to us, I'm going to say that. I'm not going to say it now. We are discussing now, but need the full info.

By that, I mean... Her ass. We gotta see if this axle is worth changing if we're gonna go to California. So, I pose the question to you, Finalberg. Is it possible and is it reasonable to, you know, maybe to save this marriage? It's completely unreasonable but understandable. It's understandable

and it's possible. You think it's possible? Oh, no, no, no. I mean, listen, they're doomed. But I think it's entirely possible that,

and we're really specifying the picture situation here, but I'm, bigger picture. I think it's entirely possible that the sex. I know this for a fact. What I'm about to say is not novel. Sex can keep you in a relationship that you should not be in.

Oh, yes. So this is what we are now. Like, we are at the 11th hour here. We're at DEFCON one, whatever phrase you want to use. So it's bad. But and ain't it always the way it's like if you just fucked him like you did in the last like in the last minutes of this horrible relationship you just did that regularly and you had you guys had this this feeling of jumping each other's bones and being open and hey let me take

pictures for you and you know that's all the stuff that's all raunchy but it's what it is is going out of your way for another person you know what i mean so it's like if you if you had just done this and if he had shown the same interest and the same like oh my god you're so hot you guys probably would be happy but you waited until it's too late but every relationship has that moment where it's kind of like well it's you know it's it's too late now it's too little too late where that's like if you had done this earlier you think you think think that conquers? I think that people who like to drink and people who don't drink cannot be in a relationship together. That's true. So you're saying because he goes out and.

I think you can be. Actually, I don't think I guess because a recovering alcoholic is always going to see signs of like, well, that's how I was. No, I just like having a fucking beer. You were fucking waking up in like sewers. Yeah, you're right. I got drunk last night. I got home. I came in bed. Whatever. If you're a drinker, you would understand that.

If you're not, you're going to be like, what the fuck? Right. Yeah. I also think there's just something to, you know, I think when women, especially once you're becoming a mom and you're getting pregnant, there's like months and years at a time you're not drinking while someone else still is. I think it just becomes a whole dynamic that gets like fucked up. So I think that – and then on top of that, if you're just not a drinker, period.

I agree with you. What I'm saying here is I agree with you. I think television, I've always said, like being on the same page TV-wise is hugely important. I think same thing like socially. And it doesn't necessarily have to be drinking. It can be just like do you go out and TV-wise is hugely important. I think same thing like socially. And it doesn't necessarily have to be drinking. It can be just like do you go out and I don't sort of thing. Then it's going to be especially usually stereotypically with girls. It's like have you seen – there's a viral TikTok that was like when girls are about to go on a girls weekend.

It starts off the other way. When guys are going on a guys weekend, it's like where are you going? Who are you going to be with? What are you going to do? And he's like trying to get out the door and answering a million questions and then with the girls like hey i'm going on the girls weekend he's like okay babe don't you want to know okay bye bye like get the fuck out get the fuck out so i think uh any sort of imbalance in that partying and or social life yeah i agree is going to be a problem let me see if you dm'd us back so um so what do you what would you tell this guy like what's your i would say move move to a new town you can't be you can't be that close to clearly this man is addicted to

his wife's pussy and yeah you almost do have to recognize that like i can't be around you i can't be yeah that's where the problem is with the phone because like we joke in the past uh about like when you when you used to break up you just move to another town and then and then that's gone she's gone but also like protecting yourself where it's just like well i can't reach her anymore you know like i'll move and then i'm not i won't even be tempted by you because you're not around. Yeah.

But if we're talking more, if I can just get that asshole on the phone, then like, but it's still a plane right away. Too far. I'm not doing it. It's like, like an addict realizes that they're in an uncomfortable situation. They said, I got a situation might not be healthy. I got to go. I'm going to get out of here.

It's not you. Get out of town. Yeah. But I, but I mean, mean i yes but the the technology can keep you at least like he can maybe move on and be in another relationship but if all of a sudden there's going to be like well you still got that on your phone every now and then you're going through your camera roll and you're like oh yeah that's that could be a problem well let me just tell you that uh you know the update so he sent that to me uh you know that was on 4

14 and then just yesterday um update the pic did not save my marriage so there is a conclusion to the story here the answer here in this situation was no it was not enough so that's why i really want to see the i am shocked i said i said well that's for the best and he said I agree but I would love to see the picture because I'll be like I could have I could have you know maybe I could have been like yeah I could have told you that's not enough so there you have it folks

score one for the for like the horny police on that one you know like they bonked you and you stayed broken up and it's probably for the best maybe we'll hear a. They bonked you and you stayed broken up and it's probably for the best. Maybe we'll hear a tale soon of the opposite where a nude pix was able to keep... That's what the bonk's for.

The bonk concusses you and you forget. And you forget. You knock that horniness out of your head. So, score one for the horny police. Am I the asshole time? Let's do it. Speaking of. Yeah, very.

That's how you segue. Am I the asshole is brought to you by HelloFresh. Yay. Yay. Tell the people what you've been cooking recently, bud. Let's see what we got on deck. Number one HelloFresh user on the planet. Have to be.

No exaggeration. Have to be. Okay, so, oh, man, coming up this week, Monterey Jack unfried chicken. Unfried chicken. Don't know what it is. I imagine it's aried chicken. Unfried chicken? I imagine it's a crispy chicken that I don't fry. I even asked my mom what it was. She's like, I don't know, but it looks delicious. It's probably going to be a healthy version of fried chicken.

That's awesome. With buttered green beans, potato wedges, and sriracha mayo. Oh! Sriracha mayo. Drown me in that. Beef tenderloin with mushroom sauce, roasted Brussels sprouts, and potatoes. Yup. Beef tenderloin with mushroom sauce, roasted Brussels sprouts and potatoes. Yup. And then finally, a quick meal I got.

This one's a rapid, only five-minute prep, 15-minute total time to cook. Easy bean cheesy chicken quesadillas with smoky red pepper crema. It is fire. That's just for this week. 15 minutes. 15 minutes, I thought it was. 15 minutes of meal, and he's going to get all of those for this week. He's eating like a goddamn king, and it all comes right to his door in a box with all

the ingredients pre-portioned, pre-packaged, so you don't have to be like, how much of this do I use? How much do I put? Put the whole thing in. They give you just the right amount, so you're not doing a pinch or a dash. Put it in, follow the instructions, and it's coming out to perfection. When I used to cook, back in college, I cooked a lot, and'd go, and I'd be like, oh, this recipe needs this. Guess what?

Spend like 20 bucks on that fucking olive oil or whatever. And you use a fraction of it. And I never see it again. Yep. They just give you exactly what you need. It is, I mean, I cannot tell. And again, it is actually an awesome meditative thing. It's therapeutic.

You're just like, I know exactly what to do. I'm following instructions. I'm not playing it on my phone. You know what I said? When people say, make your bed, I'm like, fuck that. You accomplish a task. I'm like, shut up. But I think cooking actually is a worthy

task that you're like, I did this start to finish. It's a reward. I'm eating. It checks a lot of boxes. I did it. I need to eat. It's good. accomplished it it was kind of fun i learned cooking is basically therapy yeah you know it really is very therapeutic to do and when you're talking you know it can be uh craft burgers and gourmet meals and yeah it's fucking it's it's crazy if you don't do this first of all because it's you get like probably

five dollars well free meals when you go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC12. Use code KFC12 for 12 free meals with free shipping. So not only do you get that. I'm doing the math right now. Again, I did $30 for an order. Actually, wait, no, because it's 24. It's 24 because the meals are double portioned. So 25 times 30.

This is a $720 ad deal. That's crazy. A promo code. I love it. $ bucks tony hawk does 720s we do 720s for you it should be hashtag tony hawk hello fresh hashtag tony hawk it's the most trusted meal kit company in the world right now uh and you can get those 12 free meals when you go to hellofresh.com slash KFC12. Am I the asshole? These are also reader submissions or something like that? Or no, did I make that up? Okay, whatever.

Josh, can you do me a favor? Can you just go around the corner and turn down the fucking AC? Just turn it down to 68. Don't let anybody stop you. It's like right by the hallway to the bathroom, like right where Mackenzie and them sit. You'll see it on the wall. I have a thought before we do this.

I'm gonna fucking buy all the girls here who are called space heaters. Everybody gets a space heater. And we're keeping this shit at 66 degrees. It is. Because I get it. They sit at their desk and do their work. I'm sitting here yelling and screaming and getting animated. I'm gonna be hot and sweating.

We're never gonna be good on the temperature ever so i will get you space heaters but i'm keeping that shit at 66 that is very fair fuck that it is actually great i remember there was an article probably a few years back it was in new york times that like the air conditioning in office buildings is sexist or something like that i do women just run colder apparently yep which which I don't understand because whenever a woman lays on me, it's like a fucking furnace. They are like, they're the hottest fucking

people on planet Earth. Now when they're in the office, they're freezing cold. I'm feeling physically ill right now. Me too. I feel like I'm gonna puke. It's so fucking hot. I walk out there and they're like bundled up. I'm like, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. This is not humanly possible. It's so fucking hot. I walk out there and they're like bundled up. I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. This is not humanly possible.

It's like they are lizards or snakes on a rock under a lamp that they need to just like sit there and bake and be warm. It's insanity. But their bodies are so hot. How are you cold when you're that hot? It doesn't make any sense. It's a Chinese riddle for you. Just don't get it. I mean, I feel like I'm actually going to puke.

You want to take a break? No. Let's go. Am I the asshole? We got some good ones here. I identify as a submissive and my BDSM identity is very important to me. My sister's getting married soon and I'm a bridesmaid. She wants me to remove my

collar for the wedding and the photos. But my collar is a sign of my commitment to my master it's like asking her to take off her wedding ring she said it's creepy and she doesn't want to be reminded of it of my weird sex life on her wedding day i was really insulted and told her i don't want to remove it who's the biggest asshole well i am gonna say the woman in the dog collar is the asshole. I think it's a pretty reasonable request to remove your fuck collar. Okay?

I mean, you know, you can – I actually really appreciate the spin zone of this is like a sign of my commitment the same way it's your wedding ring. The thing about the wedding ring – I do tip the cap to that. it's a good but the wedding ring is not a a conduit a device for hardcore sex you know it's love if if you were wearing on your if it was like a cock ring on your finger then maybe we could draw a comparison but the the sex collar in public it's just it's just you know no we're not there yet it is it's just, you know, no. We're not there yet. It is.

It's actually a great, like, comparison or juxtaposition with religion, where the old one, the one that's been around forever, that's totally normal. Right. Right? But then fucking Scientology, that's bizarre. It's so weird. This is a cult. The ring has been around forever.

So it's just a second concept. I saw a girl on the subway the other day wearing a collar. And I don't think it was sexual. It just said, I am trying. Like a thick collar. Like a thick collar. I don't know. I wouldn't say it was super thick.

But it was big enough. It wasn't a necklace. It was a collar. And it said, dude, I am trying. I get it. That's trying. I get it. That's great. I saw it. I was like, I just gave it.

I don't even think she saw me, but I just saw it. It's like she earned a nod. Oh, God. It wasn't like we had eye contact. It was just like this girl, you're doing it, girl. You're doing it. I am failing, but I am trying. Even like the fact that it's not I'm trying.

It was I am trying. Another fucking t-shirt. We'll see, and I am trying. Maybe even so, I'll wear the collar. I might wear the fucking collar. That one, that is great. That was a wild subway ride. The guy next to me was doing, I swear to God this is true. He took out his phone and opened the calculator app and did 1,700 minus 700.

Thank you. 1,700 minus 700? And he was holding his phone out like this. Like, well, he wanted people to see. He's making fun of your mathematical abilities. If you're doing math like that, you better have your phone in like you're sending a cock pick. Can I? It's just like you don't want.

Don't be sharing that with the world. 1,700 minus 700. Bro, let me – did you see this tweet? Somebody – speaking of math, this person tweeted – it was just a tweet like here's a math problem. Tell me how you do this math problem. Okay. Did you see that? Yes.

I forget the numbers. It was like uh 47 it was it was yeah 20 how do you do 28 plus 47 28 plus how do you i mean it's interesting how do you do it uh i do 28 plus 47 so i would do uh 20 plus 40 you do do that 60 and then yeah because i just couldn't i wouldn't be able to do if you do 20 plus 40 You do do that 60 And then 8 plus 7 Yeah I wouldn't be able to do it So if you do 20 plus 40 Everyone knows that's 60 8 plus 7 is 15 65 right? Yeah

I just do like 8 plus 7 And then carry the 1 Over the Oh no no I change the numbers for sure I mean that's That's pretty astounding

That you actually do that I think that's a very new age way Like the kids do that Yeah That's not common core math Is it common core? Is that what it's called? I think so Yeah That's common do that i think that's a very new age way to like the kids do that yeah that's that's like that's not common core math is it common core is that what's called i think so yeah that's common core i guess that's how i always find the one though there's one person who replied here that's like this is fucking insanity it was like i do two plus four and i hold the six and then let me try to find it because it was it was absolutely nuts. Yeah, people out here do some wacky shit.

Like one person did 47 plus 3 plus 28 minus 3. What? Like wacko shit that just makes it that much harder. But yeah, some people, I do 2 plus 4 equals 6. Then I take the 8 and keep taking away from the 7 until my 8 is now 10. I add the 1 from that 10 to the six, so it's now seven. Then I leave what's left of the old seven, now five, to my new seven, 75.

What? No, you just made that shit up. The moment you started saying things, my brain went, nah. We'll check out for the next. Let's rest for the next ten seconds because. I mean, that's just. Anyway, back to the bbsm collar um yeah you just can't wear a sex collar to a wedding unless it's dave bourneoise oh i was home with my

girlfriend and this guy on tv made some joke about peeing in the shower and she said ew and i said you never pee in the shower she got really upset with me and said, I'm disgusting. She made me go to the, go, she made me go and clean the shower with bathroom bleach and swear to never do it again. I just wanted to chill after work and now I'm scrubbing tiles. Who's the biggest asshole? The wife!

The wife! If you don't rip a piss in the shower, I have like a Pavlovian instinct to piss in showers. The second, I don't even have to pee and I'm like, Bros's why i have to use umbrellas if i get rain on me i piss my pants any sign of water it's like yeah if i get wet i have to piss it's just i actually don't think that's crazy i i started it as a joke but now now I jump in a pool, I gotta pee right away. By the way, I heard you talking about how you get morning wood because your dick's filled with pee. Yes.

It's not really wrong. I think we get hard to stop us from peeing the bed. That's an actual thing that our bodies do. It's not filled with pee, but... I rip a piss it's like a balloon slowly deflating it's just like i can't it's just that's how my told you my cock doesn't work to start this show this can't possibly be a surprise, folks. I told you this. I wake up hard every morning until I pee. Let's do one more here.

I'm going to look down the barrel on this one. I am not kidding. I wake up every morning fully erect and filled with piss. Heavens to Betsy. heaven's the best alright last one I don't want to talk about your dick filled with piss anymore I'm not doing that anymore I'm talking about chicks in the shower hey chicks piss in the shower come on just pee in the shower

I promise you it'll be so much better that's another example I think of how women just don't understand how peeing works because their vaginas pee so weird. Like, I'm pissing right down the drain. Don't worry about it. What do you think? I'm fucking spraying it all.

No. I got a fucking nozzle on my hose. You're the one who fucking pissed all over the room. Right. You're hitting the walls. You're the one making a mess. I'm just going right in the hole. All right.

I've always been self-conscious about the shape of my nose. So now I'm an adult and I'm at my parents' and i decided to get a nose job i'm out of my parents house uh i don't have all the money i don't have all the funds so i crowdfunded part of it i wasn't specific i just said a life improving operation and a bunch of people helped my sister found out and she thinks i've tricked them into a life saving into thinking it's life saving and she wrote this whole post on Facebook saying, don't give her any money, it's just for vanity. I don't think I lied to anyone.

She thinks I'm the dick. Who's the biggest asshole? This is interesting. I think this one... I like it. It's sneaky. But I do think it's shady. It's...

I want to see the full... I need to see the full GoFundMe. Because if it says, like... I need to see the full. I need to see the full GoFundMe. Because if it says, like. I need to see the nose. Oh, okay. That's fair. How bad the nose is. Because it might be life-saving.

Speaking of noses. See that New York Post report? A very esteemed publisher. If you've got a big, fat nose, you're like. If you've got a big, fat cock. We've said cock a lot. You've said cock a lot. And I've just gone.

You started with the cock ring. No. Yeah. Way before that, you said my brain and my heart, my cock don't work. I did say that. Yeah.

And then I just went with the cock. I just went with it. So you started the cock ring. I was, I had cock on the brain. We said cock like 60 times before I said cock ring. I'm not wearing that one.

So if it's a really bad nose and the GoFundMe said like – if the GoFundMe really made it sound like a disease, like a cancer thing, then you're shady. But if you just said it's an operation that's going to change my life and make me happy, I think it's a fair game. I agree with you there. Because I'd be like, oh, this is plastic surgery. Like 100%.

Right. If you were – Or like you're transitioning or something. Unless you specifically say – yeah, yeah. Which is plastic surgery. So yeah, I think if you said that you donated to help someone pay for sexual – to transition, I think people would think that's like honorable, right? For sure. Well, why not like i need

i want to fix my nose because that makes me unhappy it makes me uncomfortable in my skin so why is that vanity versus transgender you know it's all just to make you happy and feel better i would yeah i i think i think it's something psychological i think it's it's fair it's like this is not when i look in the mirror i don't't see what I am. I want to fix this nose. That's the real me. And those people donate a few bucks. I identify as a person with a better nose than this. Yeah.

I identify as a hot person, and I'm in an ugly body. So I need to transition. I think that that's like... And then people who donate to GoFundMe, I don't know, they're happy to do it, and you don't need to fucking call her out on it. It's also, like, it's $15. Shut up.

Yeah, that's what I mean. If there was some person who, like, gave their life savings thinking that they're going to help you out of cancer, well, no, different story. But the people who donated $20? It's also not the worst GoFundMe I've heard about today. Actually, he might have updated it or something. Hollywood Brown? Yeah. Did he have an update on that?

I didn't think about it, but he wants to wear number five. Number five is Joe Flacco's number, which he's not retired, but like he's – So this dude on the Ravens wants to buy – Well, in order to change your number. Yeah. The NFL now, they let players change their numbers now. In order to change those numbers, you have to buy all of your jerseys in circulation. Oh, wow.

Which is a bullshit fucking rule because it's not like they make fucking franchises if they trade the player. Right. It's not like they make or cut the player. They don't make you buy them all. But I think they're doing it in order to dissuade players from changing their number.

Don't change the rule. Right. It doesn't fucking matter. But Hollywood Brown put out a GoFundMe this morning being like, donate to me so I can buy all my jerseys and I can change my number.

Meanwhile, there's pictures of him at the jeweler being like, dapping it up with Jacob the jeweler because he just bought a new piece. It's tough. My thing is like, put your GoFundMe out. And if there are people dumb enough to do it, then so be it. Can't knock the hustle. Supply and demand.

Capitalism. If somebody wants to help you buy a number five, I think it's stupid. They don't. I'm going to see if he updated then. He was like, yeah, my bad, guys. He deleted a tweet. He did delete a tweet? Yeah, so he fucking knows.

So yeah, maybe you don't have to like it, but you don't have to put up a Facebook post calling it out. You know what I mean? All right. We're getting to our voicemails in a minute. But first, we're going to do some music submissions here for our new theme song. It's brought to you by Kraft Mayo. Do you love mayo? Velvety, smooth mayo like this?

Mayo got a bad rep. I think I'm going to be in charge of rehabilitating you. Oh, I think mayo's fine. I think mayo's delicious. I think mayo's delicious. I think I'm going to be in charge of rehabilitating. Oh, I think Mayo's fine. I think Mayo's delicious. I think Mayo's delicious. I think Mayo changes the game on a sandwich. I think you can have a bad sandwich, you pop Mayo on it, great sandwich. Everything becomes good.

It's the new ultimate Mayo for the Mayo lovers. It's a Mayo endorsement contract this season. So there's the Mayo man who went viral in 2019. He's the ultimate personality who showed his love for Mayo on the sporting world stage. Well, right now they're looking for the next super fan to sign them to a $10,000 Mayo endorsement. Mayo endorsement now is what we're doing here, folks. For the Mayo lovers who come up with the next iconic meme fame for the next half for the first half of the month until May 14th,

Craft Mayo will be taking entries and submissions to be the next face of the brand for Craft Mayo. I think I just settled it. I was gonna say. This is over. I win. Feidelberg wins. I win. Give me my 10 grand and we'll fucking do this. Follow at RealCraftMayo

and submit your best videos on why you should win the mayo endorsement on Twitter and Instagram with hashtag Craft Mayo endorsement. My videos just give me making delicious. You should just change your instead of doing your milkshakes. You just while you do face of the brand and go get yourself some delicious craft mayo. Let's do our voice. Let's do our music submissions. What we got?

Let's just do a couple of them and then do voicemails. Billy Reimer. Oh, fucking stickly billy call. Did he say it's coming out of my mouth? Oh, yeah, he did. I gotta say, I don't think I'd like that to start my show. Okay. I like the guitar.

I like the beat. I don't need this guy. It sounds like he's coming. I don't know. Did he say he was coming? It sounded like he was coming. I was going to say at the very start, I thought I was going to give him time to maybe change tune.

It sounds like he's coming right now. That just seems to be his voice. Which, don't get me wrong, you can have a very extremely successful career as Billie Eilish, but there is... It's heavy on the imagery of a man ejaculating.

That was too much. That was too... It was too, like, intimate. Too, like, sensual. I feel like he just fucked me. Yeah. Which is probably a compliment for a song. I don't know. But it's not when you don't want to get fucked by it.

Next. That song did just come in me. God damn, John. This one is Matthew Rose. Oh, I think this guy put in your IG story. Oh, yeah, this guy. This sounds like the intro. There's a song that sounds like that. On your feet, listen up, it's the big show. You already know. This sounds like the intro to a Saturday morning middle school cartoon.

Not childish, but maybe Transformers or something. I mean this as a huge compliment. I'm with you. I've heard that before. That riff and that melody. That is another show that's Not like some Rugrats shit No

Not some childish shit Some preteen shit Yeah exactly Maybe this is like A Nick at Night perhaps The big red couch It kind of fits with what we are It's like we're not men

You know we're boys Right That fits Yeah alright That's We'll put that Let's revisit Maybe

Yeah Do you want more Yeah alright This is Jacob Cleaver Yeah, all right. We'll put that in the let's revisit pile. Maybe, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want more? Yeah, all right. This is Jacob Cleaver. Running Jake. You've never put your dick on granite? Welcome to KFC Radio.

I'll let you palm your chicken. Please watch the YouTube and watch us spit. You're going to be like, what the fuck, mate? I'm sorry. Okay, the day got away from me. So let's move on and talk about some buttholes. Okay. There is no way to beat the presenter, okay?

I'm going to say, and this is going to be a criticism of the whole show. I don't care for me. Yeah. I could use less of us. I could use less me. Less us and more musical talent, please. And that's a mantra for life. We're going through a couple of mantras here.

I could use a lot less me. Yeah, yeah. Always. And so could the world. So could the world. All right. So there's our musical submissions. If you want to get down and make us a new theme song, that's what we're looking for.

So it can be quick, short, sweet. It can be a rap. It could be instrumental, whatever. Get at us, and you might get a chance to be the new face of KFC Radio. The email is kfcradiointro at gmail.com is kfcradiointro at gmail.com. kfcradiointro at gmail.com. Now it's time for our voicemails. They're brought to you by Movement. Join the Movement this summer. Get yourself

a Movement watch. Get yourself some Movement shades. Johnny's rocking his Ben Franklin spectacles right now. Flip it up. I didn't realize that when you flip those up, it still has glass there. I thought it was just empty. No, no, no. I mean, these are the real deal Holyfield. It starts to rain.

You got a little roof covering it there. I'm still going to piss my pants. And it's affordable. It's stylish. It matches the watches. The watches, they have all sorts of different bands, all sorts of different faces. They've got different colors. They've got for men.

They got for women all starting at just like 95 bucks. Nothing higher than 130. I think the shades start around like 50 or $60. Get yourself a few pairs. Match them to your sunglasses. Match them to your watches. And you're going to be styling for the summer where you've got profiling pro styling and profile them both. Don't do one.

Don't limit your razzling and dazzling profile. Razzle and dazzle sunglasses and shades and watches and watches spectacles are the same thing you're goddamn right i meant sunglasses and watch mvmt.com that's like movement mvmt.com slash kfc get 15 off today plus free shipping and free returns that's mvmt.com slash kfc i apologize to people on the show just so people watching the show on the youtube i am just having an itchy penis day god damn it john next player play it please fuck god i'm already sweating i'm nauseous now i gotta think of that i'm a little better than yesterday i was having an itchy butt all day. Play the voicemail. I'm trying.

It's getting drowned out by drowns itchy butt. Damn. KFC site, producer BC, whoever's in the studio. I just had a once-off drunken hookup with this girl who happens to be a listener of KFC radio.

She asked to borrow a shirt when we were done. So I grabbed the first one I saw and I gave it to her like a normal person would, but in my drunken stupor, I didn't realize that I gave her a shirt that is like seriously sentimental to me. So my question is what's the worst or craziest thing you've lost to a drunken hookup? And do I have a chance of getting it back?

Thanks. Viva. I'm hung up on something here. Why did he have to tell us he gave it to her normally? How did you really give her this shirt, dude? He's like, I gave her this shirt.

He almost wanted to stave off any questions in the past. He's just like, I gave her a shirt. Don't worry, it was normal. In one way, I know you don't do something normal as if you tell me before I have, I gave her a shirt. Don't worry. Don't worry. It was normal. Totally normal. One way I know you don't do something normal is if you tell me before I have a chance to ask a question. Bro, I wasn't going to ask you how you gave her

a shirt. I fucking reasoned that one out in my head. I gave her a shirt. Don't worry. It was totally normal. I did it like a normal person would. How'd you really give it to her? How do you not normally give someone a shirt? What's the non-normal way to do it? I know what you're thinking. No, it was a completely

normal way to give her a shirt. What'd you do? Yike into her? Like... Bro, how did you give her this shirt? Vice wants to know. I gotta know how you gave her this fucking shirt, dude. Would you make her pull it out of your throat like a magician?

How did you give her this shirt, bro? Don't know. It was normal. It was normal. It was normal. It was normal. A whole normal transition, transaction. I know. You're curious, I'm sure. I gave it to her normal.

I promise. It was normal. I just did it normally. It was just a normal handing off of the shirt. Do you think you could get it back? Yeah, bring it to her house. Steal it. I think you can just ask for it back.

I do. I think it's... I mean, we make a thing about the girls stealing the hoodies and that happens but I think if someone ever hit you up and was like hey by the way that shirt's sentimental you have to be a fucking asshole to not give that back yeah I think you just

shoot her a text you say hey thanks for the pussy the other night but I'll tell you what I think you shoot her a text. You say, hey, thanks for the pussy the other night. But I'll tell you what. It was good pussy, but it wasn't worth my sweatshirt. You're using the emojis for this one? Yo, girl, you had that good pussy. Remember that shirt I gave you in a totally normal way?

How about you hand that back to me also in a totally normal way? How about you hand that back to me also in a totally normal way? How about you return it totally normal? Look, I'm sure you forgot about this because it was so normal it probably didn't even register. But that shirt I gave you... Next up, totally normal sweatshirt. next up normal what up KFC

what the fuck was that was that a deep call wait till the voicemail start that over what up KFC Bites, Nick, Jackie everyone else got a hypothetical for you.

Don't know what made me think of this, but if you could only have one type of sandwich between peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese for the rest of your life and the other one completely disappears, can never have it again, which would you choose? And this is including, like, any variations you want to make to it. You can add, like, lunch meats and a grilled cheese. You can add marshmallow fluff or honey or whatever you want to the peanut butter and jelly. But the other one is gone forever.

What do you choose? That's a good question. Those are two powerhouse sandwiches, but I'm taking peanut butter and jelly every time. I'm taking peanut butter and jelly without question, without hesitation. Yeah, I mean, it's just a matter. I do love a really good grilled cheese, but just the idea of you got to cook it and it's a whole thing. Whereas, I mean, I whip up peanut butter and jelly on the regular for breakfast, lunch, dinner, for snacks. I very rarely eat either, but I got to have the PB&J in my bag.

Although, I did have a grilled cheese the other day. I forget where it was. They're so good. They're delicious. It came with tomato soup. It was a spicy tomato soup, and you dip the grill. And that was fucking – The grilled cheese is

almost like a meal you know whereas i need the like like it's a snack it's a dessert it's a sandwich it's everything for me the peanut butter jelly is like a powerhouse nice nice pb and j glass of milk oh oh come on i mean it's making me move my hands like a fucking italian now if i can if i can keep the grilled cheese and just get rid of if i could just have peanut butter sandwiches so it had to be the p no you you could have – he said you could do – So taking off the jelly doesn't make it a different sandwich. You know what I mean? No, he said if you do the peanut butter and fluff, you could do peanut butter and honey.

And then I get to keep the grilled cheese? Yeah. Oh, well, then in that case, if I heard right – I thought he was saying that like variations – No, I think variations would count with the peanut butter and jelly. Oh, right. Okay, so you'd be gone. I mean count with the peanut butter and jelly oh okay so you'd be gone i mean you keep in the peanut lose yeah you lose a fluffing utter sangy banky come on

the fucking the uh i was gonna say the i actually had uh we were out last night with a couple of the fellas everyone's in town for the dozen so we're out with uh i think basically all of barcelona chicago last night um and uh i just happened to be scrolling Instagram over there and stumbled upon the snake draft. And I did. Actually, Eddie wasn't there. It was the sandwich draft. It was all over the map.

I mean, Eddie taking a grilled cheese round one. Crazy. That's too much. Carl got very defensive. Carl was like, look, I win a lot of snake drafts. That's a good pick. I said, I don't think so. Yeah, no, it's not a pick.

I mean, the PB&J went round two. Eddie also got that, which is a round two steal, if you ask me. But I don't think a grilled cheese is a round one sandwich. No, and I saw, I think cheesesteaks went like third round or something. Oh, come on. Yeah, it was crazy. And then just things like, I think a cheeseburger was included. I don't think that's a sandwich.

There was no chicken cutlet sandwich anywhere to be found. I think a chicken cutlet sandwich is a very New York thing. It's a delicious thing. It's good. I think it's just like we had chicken sandwiches, but we just never called them chicken cutlet sandwiches. Well, either way, there was no chicken sandwich, so that's a problem. No chicken sandwich? Hang on a second, fellas.

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So go get the Revitalite Black Label online at the Barstool store and tweet at us and tag at Drink Revitalite in your morning when you're posting your stories. So that's Revitalite Black Label available at the Barstool Sports Store right now. Before we do our last voicemail, what did you find? Did you see what I'm talking about? No chicken sandwich? Yeah, but there is some variations of it. There's no

chicken sandwich, but they do have a Nashville hot chicken, which went second round a little earlier if you ask me. They got a chicken parm, which went third round, and they got a buffalo chicken, which went fourth round a little late if you ask me. Crazy. We need to clean that one up. Alright, what do we got? Last voicemail. Hey, KFC

Fight, Nick, Jackie, everyone else back there. So I was listening to the Disney Adults podcast and I'm from Florida and it got me thinking about how many Disney Adults we have down here and something really weird that they do is they like to keep

all of their old parking stickers as a collection on the back of their car and it's super just cringy. And it got me thinking, I was wondering, what is the cringiest bumper sticker you guys have ever seen on a car? Besides the sick people and the classic stuff like that, what is the worst bumper sticker you guys have ever seen? Steve.

Oh, the worst ones. I can't think of a bumper sticker you guys have ever sold? Steven. Oh, the worst ones. I can't think of a bumper. Does a t-shirt on a motorcycle guy count as a bumper sticker? Do you see those ones? If you can read this, the bitch fell off. Yeah. That's a pretty bad one. What about, I don't like the my child goes

to, like blah blah blah, middle school. My child's on the honor roll. Yeah. I want to burn your, I want to blow your car up. If your parents put up, I have on the honor roll stickers, you are currently unemployed. I know it's a pandemic. Don't get down on yourself. But right now you were, when your company was like,

we got to let someone go, they were like, let's start with Ricky. This guy first. He's on the honor roll at, you know, St. Joseph's. Dude, if your parents put up that when your company was like, we got to let someone go, they were like, let's start with Ricky. This guy first. He's on the honor roll at St. Joseph's. Dude, if your parents put up that shit, you are like – you were destined, destined to be mediocre. Yeah. You had no fucking – We were clearly celebrating the mediocrity. And it's their fault.

Yeah. But you were destined – and that's not like – it's not like a participation trophy thing. That is just like – because it's not a participation trophy. It's actually an accomplishment. Getting the honor was good for you. But it doesn't need to be celebrated on a bumper sticker. It happens though. Jesus says a coexist bumper sticker.

Those are lame as shit. I mean you could go through – Anything too political I'm not really a fan of. Yeah. I was not raised in a political bumper sticker family. So I'm anti them. Yes. I'm con.

I'm con. I'm anti. I'm having a stroke here. Yeah. I could not think for a second. No, that was your brain. Shut down. It's fucking froze up.

Don't have a brain. Don't have froze up. Don't have a brain. Don't have a cock. Don't have a heart. Played in perfectly. I think we can all agree, though. Honor roll, political, religious. Those are the three. There was one time I saw one that said, I hate fat chicks.

And I was like, why would you have that as a bumper? I kind of like that. I saw one the other day on Instagram, I think, that said, only gay cops pull me over. That's great. That's funny. That's funny. Only pussy cops.

That's great. That one probably works. That legitimately probably works. I can see some cops being like, no, no, no, homo. I'll let him speed, whatever. That's fucking good. Eh, sometimes bumper cycles give you a check. All right, that's it for us.

Make sure you go subscribe to our YouTube. Oh, Baby On Board. Baby On Board is like, you know, please don't drive recklessly around me, I guess. But it's like, you shouldn't be doing that anyway. I actually learned, I take back the baby on board. Like EMTs to know or something? It's for people to know if there's a car accident. So I used to think like, oh, okay, I'll drive good now.

Right. That makes sense. It is. If anything goes wrong. Yeah. Like look for the baby that got ejected. Okay, we're done. Subscribe to the YouTube, rate the podcast five stars, or your grandma's going to die tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.