KFC Radio - Francis Ellis, The Hero of Traffic Jams, Returns to Barstool Sports

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Subscribe, rate, share, and leave a review! Francis returns to Barstool Sports and joins us for our Monday episode. - Giving Gifts at Weddings - Returning to Barstool - Getting kicked in the face by a lobsterman - meeting the new crew at Barstool - Frankie Blogs - The Traffic Hero we need Support the sponsors, Support the show! Yogibo Visit https://barstool.link/YogiboKFC and use code ‘KFC’ for 25% off your order. Dave Download the Dave app from the App storeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. My mom's cooking Christmas cookies. And you're just like... And the smell of that hit me in the face. The dogs came to greet me at the door. My mom... I would've just been weeping. My mom's like, you're home early?

And then she saw my face and was just like, what happened? Look who it is, is babe he's back how's things bro i'm well man are we are we recording we're fucking recording dude francis ellis is how much cash do you roll with dude let's see a ton dude any amount is a ton Well, man. Are we recording? We're fucking recording, dude. We stay hot. Francis Ellis is back. How much cash do you roll up, dude? Let's see. Not a ton. Dude, any amount is a ton.

I see some blue bills in there. We got a couple of those in there. You got so much money in there. We got hundreds. It's $320. And it's because we just got a bunch of envelopes for our wedding. So some people give us cash. Shout out to the people who give cash.

Yeah, exactly. Actually, I don't know, though. Is it getting to the point where cash is now weird? Like you said, it's like, what am I going to do with $5,000 cash? I don't know if I'll ever get over cash unless inflation gets to the point of Zimbabwe or something where it's just utterly meaningless. Cash is king, man. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, John knows all about inflation in Zimbabwe.

I know how things are going in Zimbabwe. It's rough. How was the – did you clean up at the wedding? Or were you like, motherfucker, that didn't even cover the cost of the plate? Because that was a couple of those. It's a good question.

I think, I think, it's, we've, the culture's changed. And I'm sure COVID had something to do with it where it's like, the people are now saying

you have a whole year where you're allowed to give a gift. That's always been around. I never knew that people actually did that. Not only do they do it, they use the year and then they just forget. You just don't even give the gift? I do not give gifts.

You waited a year and then you forgot? A lot of people don't give. A lot of people don't give gifts. And it's not like I'm not actively not giving a gift. I'm like, I'll get it later. And I forget. It slides. You need a girlfriend

for those things. If you invite a single guy, you're not getting a gift. He's not RSVPing, and he's not giving you a gift. Those girls take care of those things. We gotta send a thank you note and a fucking gift or money. Also, it depends on where you live, because I know up here, we all just do cash.

You were surprised. You said you never gave cash except for me, right? If you expect cash from me, you're not getting a gift. How would you know? You shouldn't have invited me. Why am I here? Why am I at his wedding? I'm either going to get you,

you're either my best friend, and I'm going to get you a real gift, or why the fuck am I here? Which is fair, I guess. I mean, you're like my best friend and I'm gonna get you a real gift or like, why the fuck am I here? Which is fair, I guess. I mean, you're like, um,

whatever. What's her name? Uh, on the office, the old woman, Meredith. Yeah. Wait,

when, when Pam and Jim are like, we really want just, you know, cash or whatever. And she's like, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's Phyllis.

Phyllis. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a birdhouse. I don't even know what it is. He wants to give like a thoughtful gift. Like, you know what I'm thinking about? It's cash.

If you're my real friend, you're getting a fucking awesome gift. Yeah, but it's probably something like... If not, then why am I here? But even the awesome gift is probably something like... It's an amazing picture of me and the family. And it's like, I need to pay the bills for this fucking wedding, bro. We booked more of a honeymoon thinking we would use a lot of wedding funds for it and then we got home thinking

like boy i can't wait to open the mailbox found a bunch of magazines and i was like fuck these people dude what on earth where are they i i do fully understand. Shouldn't have done the halibut. Should have done the cod. That's what I mean. Did we really need cod or halibut? I get that. You plan a big-ass party. You shouldn't be like, well, we'll just make all our money back from our guests.

That's on you. You did something lavish and expensive. But there is kind of this understanding. But it's funny you say that because we actually had a slightly smaller wedding. We had 95 people. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And that is probably... Like, if we'd had more guests, we would have gotten more gifts. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Well, yeah. I mean, definitely. But I guess it depends on if you're...

The wedding would have been more expensive, so... Well, you also... I mean, you're inviting a bunch of rich people, right? Yeah, but I don't know if it... it like it doesn't seem to matter really they just like everybody's just out here giving like 200 bucks doesn't matter how much money you have the same proportion of people are gonna just utilize that like i forgot yeah yeah which is just a shit bag move bro i forgot dude forgot. Dude, I genuinely forgot. I'm not being a dick. If I could give you

half my bank account, I would. I'd give you my alimony or whatever. But I genuinely forgot. I don't remember. It's the Monday episode of KFC Radio. We got our boy Francis Ellis on the show. Today's episode is brought to you by 3Chi.

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In fact, in this episode, we talk about sleep. And the only reason I think I address how bad my sleep is, and the only reason I'm even okay is 3C. In fact, I can't wait for this episode to be done so I can go home and do 3G. As soon as the day's over. Yeah, dude. We record on Fridays now?

It's fucking nuts. I can't wait to go home and sleep for the weekend. This will be a Thursday recording going forward. A Friday recording is like, let's go. We got to get home ASAP. But 3G is a THC extract, you know, THC from marijuana. So now there's Delta 9. Delta 8 was last year, 2000 and late.

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5 for 5% off all products. Must be 21 to purchase. Anyway, it's all come full circle. We're burying the lead here. Francis is back. What a thrill to see you two. Huh? I love you guys.

I love you too. This is just really cool. I also love you. I love you guys. No, you didn't say it. He's a big I love you guy. I love you guys. He always says it back.

No, I actually love you. You guys have been so nice. You've been in touch with me throughout my three years out. I couldn't believe it's three years. It's been three years. Well've been in touch with me throughout my three years out. I'll be on the wall. I couldn't believe it's three years. Did you believe it's three years? Well, yeah, that makes sense, right? I guess pandemic kind of just like is a time warp,

but I would have been like a year and a half. I would not have said that. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys kept a lifeline or a sort of a, I don't know what you'd call it. Like one of, I picture one of those two solo cups connected by a string.

I was in the tree house for three years i will totally being 100 honest there was several times initially first of all like uh very like initially being like if we have francis on the show right now we're gonna get a fucking ton of downloads right when you first got fired and then um but then i was like i don't want to rock the boat you know and there was it was like several times throughout that i was like let's have francis on because of you know you went viral or just because and oh you love yeah we're gonna talk about it you've turned into a full-blown vigilante hero bro i love it i'm glad you're on i love it because i mean i'm not crazy enough to do it but i fucking love it it's almost exclusively what kevin and i and I talk about. I mean, I bring it up like every day, dude. First of all, let me just to that.

Well, if we want to save that for in a second. Yeah, let me just say, because I just, you know, like I wouldn't have fired you. I said that when it happened. I probably would have like suspended you or some bullshit to just wait for the storm to pass. I understand why Dave did what he did. But when I was like, I think we're losing a really good talent here. And there was several times where I wanted to have you back not only because i think you're funny and good but because i know that the downloads are going to be high but every time it was just like if if it's

probably not going to be a thing but if it's a thing with dave it's a whole fucking thing you know what i mean and so uh we were pussies about it and now we don't have to worry. You're back. That's it. That's it. That's it. Dude, it's funny. You know, Roan broke the seal. Yeah. And he did it in the most kind of like we're almost going to have him on and try to not have anyone see it. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing. I was like, we could because Dave doesn't.

I think sometimes Dave doesn't even know if KFC radio still exists. You know, but then. But, you know, people would people would tag and yeah it's social media that i thought exactly you know so ron asked me the day before he was like bro do you want to come do son of a boy dad and i was like yeah absolutely he was like how about tomorrow actually nobody's in right and i'm like is it like that you know i mean should i do Like, I don't want to fucking get people in trouble. Right. And he's like, yeah, fuck it, man. We're going to rip the bandaid off.

I like it. So then the next son of a boy dad, anus, a couple of shows are like the like, we're fucking wacky. We don't care what we do. Rules sort of thing. You know, like I think if we just had you on the show, we'd be like, what the fuck, man? But it's like son of a boy dad. Those assholes had on Francis. You know, yeah. Could have gotten away with it. Yeah, son of a boy, dad, those assholes had on Francis. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Could have gotten away with it. Those mischievous kids. Yeah, exactly. Like, I already hate a little sass, whatever. I don't know. So, yeah, they had me on. And, you know, then, of course, Dave saw it and was like, yeah, I don't care.

Which is so funny that he says that, though. Because there was a time where he wouldn't have been like i don't care yeah but to be fair that time was three years ago i am i guess so i guess yeah and so then dave had me on you know the dave portnoy show a week later and i think uh he wasn't sorry to interrupt again that happened because of son of a boy dad like that put it back onto the radar yeah interesting okay and he had me on and maybe it was even only four days later because eddie hit me up and was like you want to come on and i said sure yeah but i was very nervous because i didn't know how dave felt towards me or about me that's not an easy

show to go on no and i went on and it was incredibly warm and kind of fine and and cordial and very he was appreciative i was like probably more praise than that i received from him in that 20 minute interview than i did in the two and a half years that i'd worked here and it was definitely a conversation that seemed to be leading towards the door opening and sure enough so like right then and there as you're doing the show or you think it happened in real time yeah i had suspected um given the things that he had said on his show the week before where he was like yeah i saw francis on son of a boy dad you know if he were interested in working here again i would entertain it interesting and i was like, oh, okay. Because, dude, I'm telling you, until that day, there was no part of me that thought I would ever work here again. And not because I didn't want to necessarily, but because I just assumed there was no opportunity.

I didn't think that the company had any interest in hiring me again or ever would. And I was doing fine and i just thought our lives were gonna go in parallel whatever different directions and that would be it um but my god it happened so fast i went on dave's show good interview that night he starts texting me and he's like all right let's see if we can make this happen we text back and forth get to an agreement the next morning and that was that was a week and a half before my wedding so in the in the fucking two weeks leading up to my wedding which is like the most stressful time yeah anybody's life all of a sudden this you know enormous past rears its head and then welcomes me back as i put it the the school that expelled me or the

ex that broke my heart that it took me three years to heal from finally saw, hey, he's lost some weight. He's making good stuff. Why don't you like it again? What do you say we try? And I'm like, oh my God, I want to be just focused on the wedding and all this but um it all happened and uh then i got married and went on the honeymoon the next day for two and a half you know two weeks i guess and then two days after the honeymoon i got back uh i came in for my first day so it's been an insane month yeah that's a wild month one month yeah i would call it my wedding i think i was so i dumped her i went back to barstool if dave was like you can work here i'd be i'm just so scared of dave that i'd

be like all right fine i'll start tomorrow no you don't know you don't have to do that no no it's fine it's fine i'll get like we'll we'll call the wedding off was there any um was there any uh vibe of like this was almost like making amends in a way? You make good shit. We always know that. That was never the part that was in doubt. Was it like it's time to just bring back good talent? Or do you think it was like we want to bring him back because he's good?

And also I want to write a pass wrong. Because I don't because i don't think dave thinks that way but i don't think uh i don't think there was anything about i don't think that that was yeah part because i don't i i guess i would be speaking for him because i don't think he does i don't think he did anything wrong no like nor do i if it was me though i would have been like i know that you didn't like deserve that even though you deserve you know what i mean and it would have just been like a if you clear my conscience right or wrong like you know almost like it's like a back to the future thing like go back in time and fix something that you know

went awry that shouldn't have and like yeah make it all right you know if if anything the coming back here what it has done for me is made me realize that i was never fired for any reason really other than yeah what the the blog i wrote yeah and like just shitty time and i and i i had you know you get so mired in the theories that you read because anytime i would make something funny after i was fired that would gain any traction the Barstool people would be like, fuck, man, this guy's so funny. They should never have fired him. And then someone else responds,

and then they'd be like, they shouldn't have fired him for that blog. That was no big deal. And then someone else would be like, they didn't fire him for the blog. It's because he was not a good person. And then someone else is like, yeah, he was just in it for himself.

He's a silver spoon bitch. He's living off daddy's money. He never took the job seriously. And then someone else is like, yeah, he was just in it for himself. He's a silver spoon bitch. He's living off daddy's money. He never took the job seriously. And then someone else is like, why does it matter what his family makes? He still made good work. And then you're like, ah, I agree with all of this somehow. And how do they know me so well? You just follow this rabbit hole of nonsense about yourself.

Why are you following that? I can't. I can't. It's not even like the Reddit. Why are you following that? It't i can't it's not even like the reddit why are you following that like twitter just hearing that fucking spelled out that is why are you doing that because a lot of people always yell at me like don't read the comments and i'm like it's not comments anymore it's just yeah it's now i can't even use my social media but you mute that person yeah the moment someone says something mean you mute them it's like trying to

mute the ocean yeah like it's I'm muting that drop of water and there's another one right after it. It recedes every time, bro. The big button is your friend. He has always subscribed to this and I... You are very unique in your imperviousness.

No, I'm not impervious. I'm not impervious. No, you're right. You're not impervious. What you're unique about is that you actually can uh uh with like not read it like dude it makes you all sad i know yeah there's and not only that everybody who says they don't read the comments is a bold-faced liar except for him yeah he's the only one it doesn't it's not even just that it makes you sad it's that when they're positive about you it gives you a false sense of confidence

and you think you're worth more than you also to me though the the uh one uh a positive comment is worth like one one millionth of a negative that's true right but but i do like i i'll occasionally one slips through the cracks and i still think about it like weeks later right right like just one mean one everybody who says it, I mean, the comic world went ablaze with it over the sun with Brendan Chobb and all that shit. It's like, don't tell me you don't read the comments. Because you do. He's the only one.

I agree. But also, you know what he told me? It's one of my favorite lines from him ever. He said, what people, what is it? What people say about you and your DMs is none of your business. Oh. And then, you know, and then actually what people say about you and like your dms is none of your business oh and it kind of it's like and then you know it's around here somewhere and then uh actually louis said it on the rogan thing

was uh he just kind of expanded upon it and said it like a little bit you know more uh they don't have a vote yeah but they don't have a vote but he yeah he was he was like i care about my audience's feedback yep they pay money and they're there but like these other people and he also called them like professional uh he didn't say haters but he's like these are professional people like their profession is to harm you and they want to hurt you and they are going to uh because because my thing has always been i see it i hear it i can't avoid it but i don't let it ever affect what i do yeah and you do and then well that was his point he's like even even if you're thinking right i'm not letting this affect me you're letting it affect it's like the the timothy um the ref the nba ref who bet on basketball yeah yeah i didn't let it affect my he was like i never threw a game and it's like oh fuck off i don't have the money on

it yeah i actually love that he said that yeah did you guys see that doc, by the way? No, I heard it was very good, though. Well, it is very good, but it also hints at some conspiracy theories, which I had no idea about. And it's one of those things where you're watching this, and you're like, when people say that certain documentaries have an agenda, this seems to kind of fall under that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a big performer. Yeah, they had their narrative worked out before.

But I also, I appreciate that. Documentaries used to mean, it's just informational. And now it's like, nope, this is just a cool movie that's told through the eyes of a... I love a docudrama. I love a docudrama.

It at least gives you the suspension of disbelief where you're like, okay, everything is infactual. Yeah. Really? Do you like the, the narrative scenes where they have, they're like,

and then he walked down the hall and then all of a sudden they cut to like a fucking reenactment. You hear the footsteps, the father coming to beat the son. You know, it's like, and then what? That's why I ended up this way

why do you think i will make sort of making bombs i got a new apartment uh actually it's an old apartment it's the first apartment building that i lived in it's all come full circle also known as pathetic that was such a good spin zone like i found a new bedroom it's actually the old bedroom i used to live in it's it's things are going great brand 38 years old moving back to where you were born awesome but luckily it has all my posters up so i fully plan on outfitting it entirely with Yogi bows. I've got,

I'm going to have a couch cause you can't be a, a full blown weirdo. It doesn't have a couch. You have to have a couch, right? But then the rest of it, all Yogi bows, they are like the, they are the Tesla of beanbag chairs.

How about that? The Tesla of beanbag chairs. I like that. Yeah. Right. That one, that they should pay extra for that one. It's basically like a chair or

a couch or a recliner in the form of like a beanbag chair that conforms to your body. So you can just sit down on it and it becomes a chair. You can lay down on it and it basically acts as a mattress. It could be a giant pillow. However you lay in it, it forms to your body so that you're as comfortable

as can be. It's's incredibly versatile it's lightweight it can you can carry it and move it easily you can stash it if you need to or it can be basically your furniture in the most comfortable room in your house so reinvent your space with a couple yogi bows perfect for if you're living in a small apartment and you can't fit a couch or you can't get the chair up the step, bro. I had these movers. I felt so bad for these guys. I gave him two, I gave him $200 each. Um, like unpacking my place and then getting to the new place. Like it's just the stairway was small and I was throwing tons of, I had five years of just shit accumulated.

So I didn't even move all of it. I threw a lot of it out, but just getting it out and moving it over these dudes this kid bailey he's this kid from philly i'm gonna shout him out on instagram i mean the kid's a fucking savage it's blue line moving these guys were awesome and this kid bailey was just up and down the stairs like 600 000 times took way longer than we expected at the end i was even like i hate moving i feel like super awkward you know i'm like it's like one of these things like should i be doing it myself like you know so i was trying to help out and at the end i was like thanks man i know that was like you know that was a bear i know that was like more than you expected and he was like yeah it was

like you know like not when i was like no it's fine man it's what we do he was like yeah no this shit sucks so i was like fuck um so if you're shit sucks. So I was like, fuck. So if you're moving or you have a small apartment or whatever, none of that fits, you got Yogi Bo to make it easier. Go to yogibo.com slash KFC, Y-O-G-I-B-O dot com slash KFC. Get 25% off your order. It's yogibo.com slash KFC and then code KFC to get 25% off your order with your yogibos. By the way, I tried to buy tickets

to Louis at MSG. Sold fast. Not that it wasn't sold out right away. Holy shit, so you couldn't get tickets? No, no, no. I could have gotten tickets, but it wasn't like... They weren't that good. Is he doing the theater at Madison Square? No, no, no. He's doing the garden.

He's doing MSG in the garden. So we were hoping, because he's kind of come out of the shell a little bit. He's been on pods and stuff. And so I was like, if he's doing the... Because I remember when Bill Burr came to do the show, he was doing the garden, and I was kind of surprised.

And Bill has since done it many times because he's just a cool dude. But I was like, Bill Burr's on our show, and he was like, bro, it's hard to sell at the Garden. He's like, even when you're up there, it's a lot of fucking tickets.

So I was like, maybe Louis will want to sell out that final thousand seats and maybe he'll come on the podcast and it sounds like, probably not. No, I mean, it was just like,

it was the floor. If I'm going to go see Louis at MSG, I want to see him. Do it right. Do you recall when, before his bad moment, let's call it, that he had a residency at the Garden? It was an unofficial residency such that I think the deal was like

they're going to let him keep doing it until he stops selling out, and he just didn't. And it was like, I think he might. I don't remember that at all. The Garden Garden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was ripping. He had at least 10 shows.

Holy shit. Now, it might have been like once a month or once every couple of months, but it was like he's coming back. He's doing it again, doing it again. Dude, he is so funny. It was almost like a Billy Joel type situation. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. Because Billy Joel is like, you know.

Did you do the Snapchat show maybe two weeks ago where there was like who's your favorite comedian which is the question yeah yeah yeah i was like louis yeah no you know what it's it's it's fucked because i i did that too and i and i didn't say him because it's kind of you know been i don't know it's just like because of what happened i i think of other comics first maybe because these they are just more out there he hasn't gone for yeah like he was he's like but his comedy's still out there but he just hasn't been on the scene much or unbelievable yeah he is so funny that i think even even if he had done this is maybe this is terrible to say but even if he had done some like really bad shit i think he'd still be like undeniably funny and people would be like i'm

still watching his shit he's that fucking funny do you know a very validating moment for me was he had a bit in his recent special about the scene from goodwill hunting the uh how do you like them apples yeah yeah and he's talking about that scene and i one of my favorite blogs that i ever wrote here was uh it was um the ponytail harvard guy in that goodwill hunting scene won that argument in defense of the biggest douchebag in movie history and i i laid out my points very you know as like an essay basically like anybody ending my trump card was anybody who threatens violence as the end of an argument has lost. Disagree! You've gotten in their head to the point where they are just a fucking gorilla.

Right. They're like, let's go outside. I'm going to beat you up. Because he's like, well, you're going to be serving my kid's friends. Why do you disagree? Why do I disagree? Because it's all I have. Yeah, of course.

I'm a big fat idiot. Yeah. Of course. My college roommate would always say that. He's like, you're already mad. Now you want to hit me? Guess what? You lost.

I was like, dude, I'll fucking kill you. How about that? I promise you, I didn't lose. I'm going to fucking kill you. You'll be dead. You lose. It's like Mac. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. I'm going to fucking kill you. My thumb through your eye so you know to see louis do that bit where his whole part is like basically dogging matt damon for that scene yeah i was like that's close yeah to my thought that you ever had for him to have that thought to make that funny because the movie came out 25 years ago or whatever yeah i was like oh i might have been on to something yeah to have it to have someone of that caliber think in that shade that i had thought of as well i mean that is that is a very validating as it gets i mean he he is uh like the perfect comic like i think he's the perfect

look where it's like it's a funny look that he makes fun of well the delivery the thoughts it's just yeah i mean he's on a whole other level if you ask me and also i i guess you know like i i ordinarily that question for the vast majority of my life would have automatically been dave chapelle and i feel like dave chapelle the last few years is like just shut the fuck up dude like Louis has just stayed funny and maybe it's because he stayed out of a lot of shit and I think that Louis would have been even if nothing happened I think he would have been a pretty like anti-social media anti-podcast not like always out there always doing like specials every three seconds so I think being a little

back from everything almost helps. I like that Louis prepared for being canceled, so to speak. He was the first one to have he'd sold on his own site. He was ready to rock. Major corporations are not going to fuck with me. Sooner or later, the other shoe is about

to drop. He did it right. Did you guys listen to the Matt and Shane episodes where Louis did the presidents? Crazy. And it's there where you realize, well, this is a fucking learned scholar. This guy has an encyclopedic knowledge about 85% of the presidents. Which is like, I mean, being funny is, you know, you got to be smart to be funny.

And it also makes you realize like, oh, well, yeah, they banished him to his beautiful log cabin in the Hudson Valley to read books. Right. It's probably what he wanted to do anyway. Yeah. He took a break. Now I'm sure he would have liked that $40 million he lost.

But, you know. But like, you know. It's lost but you know but like you know it's not i i would love if i could get canceled in a way that doesn't like ruin the rest of my life i would love it like to be like you can't go on social media anymore like okay yeah i mean like people don't want to hear from you it's like great yeah yeah because it really is a like a just a sickness at this point um i think the best blog you ever wrote and i found it wait good i don't i was gonna say how fucking bad does it suck that we blog because like what you said like that is such a funny idea and then like you remember it but how many people do you think

remember it like my favorite blogs i bet no one fuck no i see i disagree because i i think i have a lot of people who will come up to me or dm me or whatever and they're like do you remember this blog and i'm like no and then okay and someone jogs my memory and i look at it i'm like oh wow like and it's actually kind of funny because i'm reading it first of all it was a long time ago so i forgot about it second of all i i'm right it sounds like a different person because it was like a lifetime ago and it doesn't sound yeah but sometimes you're such a fucking loser usually i agree i'm like but um when it like when it is funny and it sounds like a different person it's almost like i'm reading a new blog and then i get to the end or i see it's my name and i was like that was pretty funny yeah i have done that on

occasion like but usually when someone tells me something they've read like i love this blog i'm like what are you an idiot yeah it's like Why'd you like that one? That one sucked. I don't even know. You know when you said you were bringing cunt back? I love that. No, I agree with Kevin. People will come up to me and be like, oh, big fan. I love that

blog you wrote about making fun of Mark Wahlberg's workout routine. And I'm like, my God, I didn't know anyone even read that one. Because it was like one out of a million. And so you don't always know what connects with people. But to draw fans from so many different places is a validation of, I think, your broad skill set. I mean, I agree with that wholeheartedly.

But I just think that when you're throwing them out that often... Well, so the perfect example of this, I think the funniest blog he ever wrote I found out about six months ago. Maybe it was a year ago now. The fight with the lobstermen. Oh, yeah. He went on, I think it was Shane? Yeah, Matt and Shane. He went on with Matt

and Shane, and he told the story of when he got the shit beat out of him by a lobsterman in Maine. Oh oh you talk about his blog all the time well the story i hear him tell it and he tells it so when when you were like uh so this guy is like six foot like five and and really flexible how did you know he's flexible he's like're like, because he kicked me in the face. I'm 6'3". Because I think the way the story read, it was almost like Matt thought that he were on the ground getting kicked in the face. I was standing up and got kicked in the face. That's how I know he was flexible.

I would hurt myself trying to do that to someone. And I still remember he was wearing Carhartt pants. I'm like, those are so stiff. How did he get his fucking boot to my chin? So he has me dying laughing. The face standing is crazy. It's scary. You're like, ah.

I go home. There's enough of this, dude. Because most fights, 99% of fights, you punch once, you punch once, we wrestle. To get a boot to the face like The Undertaker, it's like, oh, I am in over my fucking head. It was really bad. The guy knocked me to the ground, and then I was on my hands and knees, and he stepped over my back and then grabbed my grabbed my like coat hood and was swinging, you know,

around my face where like I was on my hands and knees. I couldn't like block because then I would have just gone to the ground. Yeah. And, and, and it just like, there was no defending. No,

just no stopping. It was also probably his like 5,000th street fight. Yeah. And, and then I stood up and, just no stopping it well that was also probably his like 5000th street fight yeah and then I stood up and uh fuck man it was so bad it was like you were like broken orbital bones

it was actually really bad the worst part we were so drunk obviously and when I went to bed because I was like fucking I'm the man god will fight and i had my mouth was bleeding pretty heavily and so i went to bed and just swallowed all that blood and i've actually learned this in in two different ways that when your body swallows a lot when a lot of blood collects in your stomach, your stomach

can't digest blood. Right. And there's a reason for that. Your body has a natural process where if it feels and notices that there's blood collecting in your stomach, it typically means to the body that you have internal bleeding. Yeah. And so to alert you to that, it makes you nauseous and throw it up. Right.

So I woke up in the morning and rushed to the toilet and threw up all blood oh my god and that was when i was like oh i'm in i'm like i'm in trouble way worse than i realized or thanksgiving too it was that morning when i woke up was christmas eve christmas eve and i was like six in the morning 6 30 and that's all you know you go to bed drunk it's amazing how numbing alcohol is like i'm like a little bit bruised up yeah and then i i woke up and my face it's pain like someone is operating on you and you and there's no anesthesia and i i was like ah fuck i need to get home so i got into the car still dark cold maine went to fucking drove 20 minutes home what was that like an apartment or a dorm or something no that was i was spending the

night at my friend's house because he lived in the city portland and uh we were all drinking so we right right right crashed there and um then i walked into the front door christmas eve my mom's cooking christmas cookies and you're just like and the smell of that hit me in the face the dogs came to greet me at the door my mom i would have just been weeping my mom's like you're home early and then she saw my face and was just like what happened and i had to tell her and we had to go to the get emergency dental surgery because it's the dentist isn't open on christmas you go to like this emergency dentist so i i had yeah this one was completely loose uh i had hairline fractures my gums which i didn't even know was a thing you could have. Good for him.

Broken orbital bone. You fucked. Broken nose. And the nose healed and shut off the left nostril. That's my favorite part of the whole thing. Which I didn't know until I started doing cocaine years later. And I couldn't ever get it through the left nostril. I would try and I'd be like

what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Everyone's like dude you gotta switch nostrils. You gotta even it out. You're gonna blow a hole through one of them. You're gonna get the check dude? I can't. I'm sniffing but it's not coming up. Nothing's coming in. The vacuum is clogged.

That was my favorite part of the whole fucking story. But this is all to say that I heard this. And this is funny enough, but go listen to it on Matt and Shane when you hear it in its entirety. And I was like, this is one of the greatest stories I've ever heard in my life. And I think I texted him. And I probably said something like, why didn't you ever talk about this at Barstool? And he was like, I did. I wrote a blog on it.

But it's because there's a thousand fucking blogs. And then right afterwards, a fucking Braves game recap. Right. You know, guess that camel toe. You know, epic tale.

I love you, Trent. But it's like, that's, that's part of the, the, the, the thanklessness of blogging.

But man, that – and then the final piece of it is that you connected with that guy. He heard you. He read the blog and DMed you. He was like, that was me. Honestly, as you were telling that story, I was like, I'd love to catch up with that guy. And you guys were like, cool, right? He was like, sorry. Sure sounds like a Barstool fan, right?

He called me the N-word while he was hitting me, too. Has a commenter handle. I mean, you actually are. When I was listening to it, I was like, and even when the way the fight stopped, you like dapped it up with him him and you're like, good scrap. And I can understand that and I can understand reconnecting with him.

What did he say when you hit him going good scrap? I don't think I said good scrap. I was like, wow, that was awesome. And he was like, yeah, yeah. He was like, I'm good, dude. It was awesome for me. And he goes, I was, he was like, are you, I said, are you, I said, are you okay? That's what I said.

I said, are you, are you okay? And he goes, yeah. You didn't, you didn't win, dude. My right hand hurts a little bit. Sweaty, a little sweaty. And broke knuckles, but you know. Yeah, I'm out of breath a little bit. But I understand the idea of like like yeah we did this thing

together like you had this connection but then when i heard how fucked up you were yeah i don't know if i could like write a facebook message and be like yeah man like all onto the bridge i'd be like oh i'm fucking there's a statute of limitations i'm still coming after you bro i mean i don't i don't blame him uh the person who was really in the wrong in that whole thing was the guy who threw the first punch at the kid i was sitting with right yeah you got scooped up in the whole thing for no reason i was sitting at a booth in this pizza place bill's pizza which has since closed um and i was i had originally walked in there with my friends that i'd been at the bar with and then i saw all these guys that i used to play sports against in high school we were rivals but like friendly we would play on like

summer teams together and so i went and just went over to their booth and sat down and said hi i was kind of like catching up whatever we're all fucked up and the way i remember it and this is a little hazy was that these women came in to the pizza place and they were like angry with each other kind of fighting or something and that one of these guys that i was sitting with started saying you know shit to them got it and then one of their boyfriends came over and was like don't make it worse and then that same guy was like keep your dogs on a leash or something. I think that might have been what he said. That'll do it.

But he said it through a mouthful of pizza. He's sitting down in a booth. And then I swear to you, the next thing I saw was that there was just he had his hands cupped and they were filled with blood from his nose it was like it happened so fast um yeah that makes sense like lobstermen from maine like they they fucking catch lobsters and they fight that's what they do yeah and so then there was this weird moment of like. I mean, there's. Sorry to interrupt. But there's no one you can say that to where their boyfriend doesn't have to hit you afterwards.

Right. Even like. It could be the biggest pussy in the world. For sure. If it's like. Yeah. If you're talking on the leash. Like, well, I have to hit you.

You'll probably kick my ass afterwards. Right. But I have to hit you now. Yeah. Like, it's just. I'm legally binding here, you know? And then. And then. I didn't, I was like, am I friends enough with these guys that I'm supposed to be with them?

It's a good line. For this fight? You know? You know, like, I just, I'm visiting. Yeah. I'm visiting this table. I just said hi. I'm visiting this table.

I'm not even with them. But I had also started sort of subscribing to this fallacy of like, as a guy, you got to be in a fight. At least you got to know the measure of your manhood. Everybody should get knocked out once. Knocked out? What? I don't know, man. Take a punch.

Take a punch once. I'd rather not get punched in the face ever, but okay. Well, you knew. You found out out the measure is not lobster man no no uh that was a very one sided loss but the fact that i i honestly think that there is a lot of masculinity and yeah yeah and you yeah the fact that you usually went to bed and you're like all right i was gonna bed is fucking no there is a measure to that like usually went to bed and you're like, all right, I'm just going to bed is fucking. No, there is a measure to that. Like, I mean, it's stupid and obviously like, don't do that if you don't have to. But if you do go through that, it's like, all right.

One of the worst things that can happen to you. You know, I got beat to within an inch of my life and I fucking survived. The problem is it's a street fight. And depending on where you are, it could be anywhere, that person has a knife. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're dead. And you're fucking dead.

You're dead for nothing. And you're lucky. For nothing. Well, I guess you shouldn't say lucky because it sounds like that guy could handle himself. But we've been talking about in recent years, everybody fights MMA. You know? Yeah. Like all of a sudden your fucking arm is broken and you're choked out and you hit your head

on the way down and you're fucking in a coma. It's not this idea that fights are going to adhere to some code of conduct. No, right. And that people will be up there to jump in if you get knocked out cold so the guy doesn't keep beating you. Bashing your senseless face. Yeah. I know a girl. That's not right she uh i don't know but like a friend

of a friend or whatever died a fucking pint glass broke in like a brawl and sliced her neck like not not like somebody like used it like it was just a melee and it just that happened they were like you know everyone's like it's a bar fight and look down, like, your friend is bleeding out. And it's like, what the fuck happened? But that shit can, you know, and for fucking what? That happened in Newport. Honestly, like, it was told to me when I was, like, 15. So it might have been, like, an old wives' tale kind of deal. But someone got knocked out in a street fight.

They fell into the street on the Thames Street. And it's just perfect timing. A car was going by. A car ran over his head oh yeah i mean yeah yeah it was just an accident like it was just you know the timing of it yeah and then he was resuscitated and that's chris clemmer have you seen in the shape of his face tell me that face wasn't run over by a fucking 18-wheeler. That then was like, oh, fuck, we've hit someone.

Let's back over. No! That face is narrow. He can go through fences that humans should not be able to go through. He's like a part of the Ocean's Eleven crew. He's the guy who looks through a fence. That's it. Then you go. Stick his head through peepholes to watch women shower like a fucking hidden camera if you're living paycheck to paycheck you're struggling to make ends meet it is it's not fun you got everything balanced and you think you have your whole uh

budget balanced and then you have one knockout punch come in the form of a car accident or a personal accident or injury or an unexpected tragedy or an unexpected... What's the opposite of a tragedy? How about an invite to a fun bar night? Sure. An invite to a fun bar night.

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and that is the best dave tagline it is not some trick i added that one but it's like someone says like yeah you can just get money and there's no interest it's like yeah okay whoa whoa whoa whoa did you guys think this is a trick it's not a trick download the dave app from the app store d-a-v-e sign up for the extra cash account and get up to 500 instantly for terms and conditions go to dave.com slash legal instant transfer fees apply banking provided by evolve member fdic future you will thank you have you met like all of the new faces i have i mean i was i saw you and joey yesterday yeah there's joey i don't i wouldn't fuck with joey no no joey's gonna like he'll kill you yeah joey there's a whole new crew i was thinking i mean three years worth of turnover and

new faces i guess not turnover but uh yeah new faces who out there do you even recognize anyone oh there's there's a lot more people than you'd think i mean you know uh the whole tommy and all these people i had a lot of crossover nick and kb i nick wasn't here when i when i was here but he came shortly after and then i was hanging out with a couple of these people in the interim you know like uh i've seen you a couple times and you and I have kept up. And it was really nice how a lot of people wanted to maintain a friendship with me. And because also, to your point, early on, right after I got fired, I think you and both Roan and you had said, I just feel like there's a chance you'll be back someday. And you kind of think, well, should I allow myself to hope for that?

I can't because I have to move on. And then you get to a point where you're like, oh, yeah, no. That's never going to happen. Too much time has passed right and then um i remember even roan saying like when i got hired by bro bible that dave had said to him something like well actually this helps us uh somehow potentially hire him back someday right and i don't know if that was because it's like we will if someone else is working for a rival or like this rehabilitates his image or something like that if it was me my logic would just be like they he's been employed

since yeah like he's radioactive right nobody yelled the bro bible for signing this guy so i i think in if you if you're good and you get in like in the barstool world it's like uh what's the is it what's the quote in game of thrones something about well may never die nick what is dead what is they never know what it's it's like at barstool like it's just once you're in i think the door can always potentially be open like for life yeah yeah uh and and clearly again it's very surreal um i'm very happy i'm much happier than i thought i was gonna be yeah because i i did i had mixed feelings coming back not from like a simply from like a fear standpoint of like do i still

have it will we do i am i able to entertain the audience still so wait do you feel i i would almost feel the opposite because just as time goes on, I just start thinking more and more about like the future and stuff. And it's like, I would probably be more afraid to not have a Barstool audience that it's like, I got to find, like, I got to make sure I can do it without Barstool. I feel like coming into Barstool, you almost have this audience that's like, here's a new person for you. Go at it. You know what i mean yeah but you

were more nervous to come back well not i wasn't i mean the first time i worked here was the most terrifying thing ever i don't know if you recall my first month here that was insane a little turbulent yeah i mean we could we could write a book on your whole life from we'll start with the fight yeah and we'll go through Barstool Idol and cancer. Oh, and that's also, that's it all tied together because you found the polyps when you were getting surgery for your nose, right? Shut up. Yeah.

The pre-op checkup for the nose that we were going to do, I saw an ear, nose, throat person who also, I was very hoarse all the time. Like one night of going to a bar, and I would be hoarse all the time. Like one night of going to a bar and I would be hoarse for a week. And I went and finally saw an ENT and they were like, yeah, would they do a vocal cord check? And they found these polyps on my vocal cords.

And then I also saw a nose guy who was like, we need to break the whole nose and basically start from scratch. Is that a new nose you have there? It's, I mean, a new nose. It's a nice nose. Yeah. Strong nose.

If you look at pictures of the old one, there was a bump here that came out, and it was all crooked, and it came out pretty far. I got to get a new nose. You got to go get in a fight with a lobster then, bro. If you have any issue breathing out of your nose. Oh, I don't breathe out of it at all. Getting a nose job has been, for my health, one of the most life-changing things.

Really? True story. I'm going to do it. Because of breathing. It's that much better. Every single night. Do you know Jackie? You probably don't know her yet.

She's like our new producer. Yeah. Like sort of third Mike now. She's getting one. She's like literally right now healing up. um it's hell it's not fun well yeah she she's well that's why i think because like when she was talking about like her little fucking towel jewel or whatever crazy dude she said there's a funny scene around yeah she's breathing through her mouth obviously yeah and uh she was the doctor said you should get a

dehumid or a humidifier she didn't have one for the first night. She ordered one. But for the first night, she just wet a towel, left it on her chest while she slept on her back. And when she would wake up with a dry mouth, she would bite on the fucking towel and take a hit of water. She said it was like a little jewel. She would just go. She was like, it's pretty genius, BSV. It's fucking brilliant. But, dude, what I.

It's not like taking a sip of water, but you know. What I learned from that is that like everyone doesn't have a dry mouth all night. So this is exactly what I'm saying. That's happening to me these days. You're waking up effectively hungover every single morning. Every day. And that's what was happening to me. Yes.

Yes. I'm also hungover every morning. Even if not. No, to be breathing through your mouth every night is not good for you. It's not good for your health. It's not good for your heart. Dude, this is literally how I live. I'm a goddamn hero.

Dude, the way I do what I do, you are honestly, you know, hats off to you, dude. Yeah. Everything I learned about me is like, by the way, you like are dying.

I'm still kind of killing it a little bit. You should have been gone a long time ago, bro. He's like red at the end of a pineapple express. Bro, bro, dude like red at the end of uh pineapple express bro bro for real yeah i should be so dead you should i refuse to die at the very real paradox at the very yeah i know you want to die you refuse to die you want to die you should die you won't die yeah i just won't do it at the very least you should be like not successful in a fucking wreck. Dude, it's funny because in conjunction with all of this,

someone recently sent me a video of a guy explaining how even though he can breathe from his nose, and a lot of the time when we sleep, we still open our mouth and breathe from our mouth. And so what he started doing a lot, and this is like a viral video, is he tapes his mouth shut every night this is a thing that's going viral i would end up dead a friend of mine started doing it and i have been doing it

you just take a piece no just like take a piece of uh medical tape okay and you go from here down and it doesn't like your sides are still open but like it just means predominantly you're breathing from your nose since i started doing this this, my wake up and my – your nose is so much better at filtering air than your mouth. Interesting. And it's like a built-in filter process, and it's much healthier for you. This guy can't even breathe from his nose right now? I can't do it.

I mean, you have a fucking honker on you here. So I think – Bro, what if I come in one day with a hot nose? I just come in like a hot boy. You could get so much air in that nose. If you would use it, it would be... And it makes no sense because my mom has like a really distinct smell.

A sense of smell. Like she... You have none. I have none whatsoever. And it doesn't make any sense because we have the same genetics. But she would come in when we were kids and she would walk into her room and she'd go, who has their shoes off? Like a witch.

Hygienically, it's fucked me up. But I'm always like... If you have ever heard this man snore, you would be like, get him to a hospital right now but i've been to a hospital to have a fucking sleep apnea test that man and they're like you just snore no but that which is great i mean that was i mean that was it's insane that was like i mean i can't make the noise myself like no it's not loud enough i have to go like it's like ah it's so unsettling i'm just screaming how do you how do you how do you date people i i do not understand i watched i watched it i watched it happen we all slept uh in in your like loft yeah yeah and uh i watched her tiny little thing fucking like it was almost like

she timed it like he was kind of like a and like right at the inhale i guess you just like oh she cracked him stopped for like 10 seconds and then it started again and i mean it was one night of a weekend and i was like okay i'm just not going to sleep at all tonight. But whatever. But this girl presumably does it pretty often. This is insane. How was her body? How was it? How was her body? He said tiny little thing.

I appreciate that. I don't care about what you were saying. So I was watching him sleep. No, it is. I've actually had girlfriends go so far to say that they get so used to it that they almost... It's like white noise. Do their ambient noise.

Yeah. That's crazy. I miss the screaming. There's no doubt. It's a banshee. He's a literal banshee. There's no doubt in my mind that maybe you don't...

I can't even imagine how you don't qualify for a CPAP machine or whatever, but you would absolutely benefit from it. That was 15 years ago. It just makes... We all could probably use one. It's not a thing. that – you know what I mean?

So you just would have to benefit. No, when it all is said and done and people are like, just so you know, you've been operating on 30 minutes of actual sleep every night. Yeah, I bet your disturbances or whatever if you wear those things. I'm like, whoops. My dad started doing the CPAP machines. It's weird. He's not like a fat guy, but it must be a breathing thing. I think he did do one of those sleep analysis things, and it was like you have a disturbance

like every two seconds. You don't get like any deep sleep. And he said he – so he started wearing it, and he said he didn't – he either didn't remember or didn't dream for like 40 straight years. And he's like, yep, yep, yep. These are stories I tell. And then he said he started dreaming again in like the most vivid technicolor. He's like, I'm seeing my mom again.

He was like, I'd love to go to sleep at night now. This is pretty depressing. I feel like I'd be like, whoa. Too much. I didn't sign up for this. Too much. Dude, that is wild, though. It's great to have you back, dude.

It's so good. It's also such a good sign. I love everybody that has started here recently. I think a lot of it was kind of serendipity, though. You were doing good on social media, and we'll throw you against the wall, and it fucking worked. And so that's awesome. But it was good to see a signing that was like it's like a team like it's free agent signing you know what i mean it's like that was

a good fucking draft pick that was a good signing you guys like seeing that the company is you know still about that so that was good yeah no i i i credit you know i credit you guys okay good thanks anybody who kept my name warm. And Dave, obviously, and Erica. It's been a really interesting three years and I'm very happy. I'm really happy. It's good.

I came in yesterday. I went home and I was like, holy shit, that was fucking awesome. It's just awesome to come in here. I like, dude, that makes me happy to be here. I think people lose sight of it

when you're here it's like we're the old dogs here and the veterans are I also think that it's a a little bit of a healthier place right now I don't think you're going to come in in fear every day like the first go around

I was saying that to people yesterday the whole culture seems to have changed. It is. I used to come in. I wonder what happened. It's terrifying. It is. I think for the better and for the worse,

I think a little bit of both. Yeah, it's true. I think there are parts where. The content is a little bit different and slipping at times, but the. And also just the fact that like it's not. Back when you were here, it was – we were Barstool Sports. Yes. It was like we were all in it together.

We wanted to go to the moon, whatever the fuck you want to say, and we were all working like let's make Barstool as good as possible. I think that is a pretty rare sentiment now. Yeah. We need a MAGA movement. I think we already got that one. yeah we we need a maga movement the question is though because things have changed and so you did kind of have uh a serial killer slash i'm gonna fuck frankie thing going. Are we reviving that? Yeah, I definitely, you know, I want to pick my spots. I think the Frankie thing was funny

because I developed it slowly. You know, one day I just saw him come into the office. He wasn't wearing a hat. And I was like, oh, he's pretty feminine. He's a little lesbian. And then I started pounds too, though. Yeah.

So then I started talking about like, oh, he, I don't feel like it's gay to be attracted to him. And then it started more gaining speed into like, these are my sexual fantasies. To be attracted to him it's not technically gay to be attracted to Frankie

when he's not wearing his hat and then it turned into you know these are my fantasies about him and then anytime he would do something unique I might but you gotta space it out you can't beat that joke to death you gotta pick your spots you used to write it out. You can't beat that joke to death. You got to pick your spot.

Like full blown, like erotica. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, my, that probably was like, uh,

at that point, Reg is literally like looking down like, I mean, I just watched Francis lick his lip. Yeah. That was probably my favorite blog that I, that I ever did. Was the one where it was like, Tommy smokes was going to Dave's apartment because, Yeah, that was probably my favorite blog that I ever did write.

It was the one where Tommy Smokes was going to Dave's apartment because Dave had decided he was his good luck charm on betting. It was during March Madness or something. And the two of them would just hang out awkwardly until it was time for him to go home. And I wrote a blog that was like, with Tommy Smokes moving in with Dave, until it was like time for him to go home. And I wrote a blog that was like, with Tommy Smokes moving in with Dave, it only makes sense that Frankie moves in with me.

And it was all about how like, well, Frankie was part of Dave's inner circle and he's been replaced. And so now I'm going to take him. And I had this, I've never, it's hard to end a blog sometimes it's very hard to find that bow and i still remember um i said something like uh and at night i'll read him a bedtime story and whisper in his ear um you'll never have to hear one bite everyone knows the rules again. For ours will be a household that frowns upon the use of teeth. And I remember typing that sentence and being like,

I'll never write a better blog. I'll never write a better blog. And it was the first full gay one that I did. And I was like, oh, man, the audience is going to be torn over this. I remember him being like, I don't know what to do. Do I respond? What do I do?

Because it was before Frankie was coming. He was just a camera guy. I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to say? This guy who wants to suck my dick with his lips. Yeah. This guy who wants to suck my dick with his lips. So wait, wait.

Before we wrap up. So you'll be writing blogs, but we're also bringing your podcast. It's a podcast. Yeah. Give it a listen. You guys will love it. Similar vibes to this. Two friends.

The audience is the third friend. Giulio Gallarotti, my dear co-host, dear friend, an intrepid adventurer. He just went to Afghanistan. He went to fucking the Taliban run in Afghanistan. Why? Just like having dinners with Taliban families

and stuff like that. But why? Because he goes, he's like, he does travel vlogs and stuff like that. Okay, okay. And does sort of,

but he goes to very dangerous places. All the places that I have that ex on. I mean, I honestly think it's awesome. I would love to do that. I just don't have the courage to do it. I would do that in a fucking heartbeat.

No. Yes, I absolutely would. You would go to Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. I would do it with him. I'm not going to put together... You really do have a death wish. When a friend's like, you want to go to Nashville? I'm like, I'm not going to do it with him. I'm not going to put together... You really do have a death wish. When a friend's like, you want to go to Nashville? I'm like, I'm not going to do it by myself.

Nashville? What are we talking about? No, this is my point. That's my point. I'm not going to do it, but if you plan it, yeah, I'm in. Oh my god. The reason why he won't go to Afghanistan is just the plan. Logistics. You are

unbelievable, bro. Alright, so download Oops! The Podcast and check the blog for the writing and at Francis Ellis is the... That was something. I do remember when you had to change the handle. It was like, oh.

It's like Sons of Anarchy getting their fucking tax money. When I got fired, I had to go from Francis Barstool to something else. Because there was that guy who had kept it, and everyone made fun of him for it. He stayed so-and-so Barstool, even though he'd been fired. And I was like, I don't want people thinking that I'm trying to just maintain this connection.

He's the Yankees blogger. Yeah, because if you change change it you lose your blue check so he was like I just don't want to lose the blue check oh I see I see dude I can't wait is this the end is that exactly an hour no we went

I started in the middle we didn't talk about the car video oh shit yeah we to go over that. Because I wanted to talk to you guys about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go over that. Yeah, yeah, let's go.

Oh, okay. Because there was alternate side Thursdays, which I thought was fucking hilarious. Yeah, thank you. Where, because it's such a deeply, like, I think it's only a New York thing. Maybe, do other cities do it? They may, but there isn't the feeding frenzy that there is here. To the point that you became, like, I, a little too close with the fucking sanitation worker. Yeah.

I mean, it's another thing where it's like you start doing something, and then you fast forward, and 20 weeks later of it, you're like, whoa. How did we get here? I'm a garbage man on this island. Good friends with the Department of Sanitation. But it was really cool. It was something that was like, man, I'll tell you, this may sound ridiculously delusional, but I thought that if of anything I had done,

there was a chance that that was going to get me an invite on Rogan. I could see that. Because there was a moment where yannis was talking to to him about uh the parking situation in the street sweepers in new york city and yannis had told me how much he liked it burt reached out and told me he really liked it um and i was like fuck i just feel like I'm circling a little. But maybe I'm way off. Isn't it funny when you're doing something,

you're like, this is the one. Yeah, I know. I probably had like seven of those. I know. This is going to fucking go. And then it's the ones that you don't think that do. Right. But that was like, you did have something there,

and there was a lot of people, like, you could tell that a lot of people who know funny really thought that was funny. It's also because one of the things I still lack in my game as a blogger or podcast or whatever is when you're out in public and you just will whip out the camera and mix it up. I mean, there were people ready to fight. There were people in the middle of fights. And it's this thing. If you're not familiar with it people are fighting for parking spots and francis would just be like hello what's up you know it's like that's when

you get fucking run over by a crazy new yorker but that's also when you get the most amazing footage yeah and then to have to go from that it's like cars cars are like your it helped that i was yellow yes yeah superman and car content is your yellow there's something about being in a car that i don't know what it is it's like a think tank for me and maybe that's true of other people too but like the intimacy of it the sound um the best work comes out there's lots going on around, but you are sealed into this bubble of, you know, I'm alone and I can create in here. And, yeah, it's crazy that some of my most popular things have all come seemingly from within a car. Now, the car vigilante situation.

Francis, it's funny because I didn't notice that a lot of people will just blow by on the shoulder until I saw your video, and now I'm noticing it more and more. Certain highways have it a lot more than others. There's this one highway that I go play golf, which is why I'm always wearing a golf ball and a golf hat, which really doesn't help. With the certain people that don't like the videos well that's so you you unintentionally stumbled into a race war because you so francis blocks the the shoulder from anybody who's just like fuck you i'm going in the shoulder i i'm better than you i'm i can't wait in this traffic

francis pulls out and blocks them and then goes slowly in the shoulder with the flow of the traffic, the blocked traffic, and then leaves the people behind him honking and flashing their lights. I can't believe you haven't been shot. I know. I've only done it two or three times. My wife was like, you can't do it anymore. Yeah, you can only do it in New York, too. If you go down south where they're carrying a yeah, they will, where they, where they're carrying concealed carry weapon on them. When you said there was one video where you said like,

I, the guy's reaching in the glove box, so I'm going to let him go. I pulled back. Yeah. Yeah, he was. And you see someone reach for the glove box.

Okay. Joke's over. I'm sorry. Yeah. I pulled back in. Sorry it was my Instagram video. I pulled back in, but I do have this dream.

Um, in fact, I tweeted after, after a couple of them. I was like, does anyone know how to bulletproof a car? He's in a G-Wagon just like, I ain't going anywhere. And it's like one of those things where a lot of people are like, aha, whatever. And then one guy was like, I work in the United Arab Emirates.

I often bulletproof. I have a body shop where we bulletproof cars for heads of state. If you're serious, let's talk. What's that cost you? It's got to be a ton, right? What's that? What's that run you? I mean, a ton, I would say.

I would imagine. And it's a refit. I don't even know what's the rule. Ship it from there. Oh, oh, oh. I was thinking he just replaces your back windshield. No, you need to do the tires. Apparently, the tires are the most important thing.

Then you need the body, the car, and then the windows too. And I was thinking if I got serious about this bit, I could get a Jeep or some kind of SUV that is totally bulletproof. And what would be funnier than watching people shoot at me and me be like, they don't know that thanks to

Hassan's auto body, I'm fine. What you really need to do, we need to find like a... This is saying 16 to 50,000. That's not... That does not... I would have guessed like 50,000. That's not... That does not... I would have guessed like... We get some sponsors.

We could take the car to Chicago and... Real bad place. All these people who are threatening my life and they're like, come try this shit in Detroit. It's like, okay. Let's go. I'll come to Detroit. I'll come to Detroit.

Mention Chicago. I was walking, okay, let's go. I'll come to Detroit. I'll come to Detroit. Mentioning Chicago, I was walking here yesterday, I think, and I walked by a woman who looked like a very young Lori Lightfoot, and I was turned on. I just wanted to get that out there. There are certain ones you should just keep in the roster.

Lori Lightfoot is the most disgusting woman on the planet. Yeah, but it's the gray hair. She looks like an owl, bro. I wanted to just leave that one. She's like one of the humans from the Sesame Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where the animals gather around.

She's like, well, hello, children. I think we need to find you go to an auction, auto body, whatever, and you get a Brinks truck. And you just have a... Your car is just an armored truck. No, I think you need that.

I think you can have a bulletproof car. Oh, well, no. It would be better if people think they're going to shoot up your Camry and it doesn't work. But if we can't outfit you with a $50,000 United Arab Emirates card, we can just get you in a fucking Brink's truck driving.

No, we should bulletproof a Dodge Neon. Yeah, make it as fucking, yeah, unassuming and intimidating as possible. Did he bulletproof a Neon? Key of soul. But that was like, I mean, the internet kind of went wild. Well, was like I mean it the internet kind of went wild

well yeah I put it up certain races do it certain races don't do it and it became wait that's a racial thing apparently it's so

fucked how the the line was drawn completely along it seemed racial lines

really wild can I ask what race I don't know I don't know the answer all my completely along, it seemed, racial lines. Really? Wild. Can I ask what race? I don't know the answer to that. All my white followers were like, you're a hero. I've been weaning. I've always thought about doing this.

I've never had the balls to do it. Thank God someone is stopping these people who cut. Well, the first person who posted it, it was Worldstar. And it was like, look at this homie who thinks he can do this and then we were like well he look so i'm sorry to put together what race it might be they sort of yeah some massive uh like urban culture uh site or or account i thought it was world star right it was? It was called Mixed Tapes with a Z. But it has millions of followers.

And they included a little caption underneath that was like, you're on your way home and this fucker does this. What do you do? Do you think it's because black people are always late? I don't see how they are if they're always cutting. That's what I'm saying, they're running behind.

They can't be. How little time did you leave? The only reason I even know that black people are ever late is Moe. Moe used to write, you go black people time, I think?

Yeah, yeah. You go to BPT? Yeah. But like, it was just so warped where it was like, they think he's the one doing,

like, I didn't, I saw some of the comments being like, get the fuck out of my way, man. Like, I need, I got saw some of the comments being like, get the fuck out of my way, man. I got places to be. We all do. I get that.

There's a middle ground, which is you need to reserve that lane for emergency vehicles or people that are desperately trying to get to the hospital. And to those people, I wish I could have said in in some that if i had seen someone in an emergency or flashing lights i would have just immediately merged back in and let them pass it wasn't it wasn't blocking and clogged like i could have the car that i was driving along with

it was where what i was doing and we were like going in tandem and if i had been like ah fuck i need to get back in they would have let me do it. Right. It was pretty, it's easier than you'd think to determine if people are just using it to cut. Or like my screaming wife is, you know, eight hours into labor. Right. Ah, help. And not only that, but that particular shoulder ends in 300 yards. It's only, it doesn't, you couldn't ride it all the way to the hospital, right?

Right, right. And so everyone who takes it knows I'm going to use it to cut as much as possible. Right. And then we get to this stoplight at the Holland Tunnel and it's all, you get into the lane. So there's no, you can't make a right turn at the end of it. It's just everyone's joining in the same place and so this was the thing there's a lot of people were like why does it matter to you why are you bothered mind your damn business and it's like every single car that drives there and

cuts me is adding 15 30 seconds to my commute home i want to get home to my wife. I want to be home too. We're all playing by the rules. What do you mean it doesn't affect me? It does. It's adding time. How do people not get that? They're going in front of me. I think the 30 seconds is not your argument. I think the fact that just watching that person

affects you. That ruins my day. It doesn't add 30 seconds to my day. I go to bed not happy because that happened. You think your time is more important than everyone else's.

And it's like, no. But I also have another side of me that like i don't do that stuff but i i always i do think it's very funny that 99 of the world which is filled with scumbags and murderers and rapists and crazy people they follow the traffic rules like a a thing hanging up in the air goes red and everybody stops and even there's no cars at all and everyone will just sit there and wait it's kind of weird and it's like there's a line painted on the ground i can't go over there and now and most people don't do it but but what your examples are mentioning are ones where the repercussions for not abiding could result in

serious bodily harm right if you blow a red light, you might get T-boned. People therefore abide. However, riding the shoulder is this free pass where everyone else is inching along and you're not going to get hurt by doing it. And I'm telling you, I got a lot of responses from people or I've even had conversations with people. It doesn't matter.

They're white people as well who were like, I do it. Of course I do it. I don't understand why everyone's not doing it. You get it home in half the time. And it's like, do you think we don't know about that lane? Do you think we just view that as some crocodile-infested don't-go-there land?

We want to do it, too. We don't. We choose to play by the unwritten social contract of driving. Right. And we don't want to be locked in gridlock, but it's not like, oh, look at that guy.

If only I had that strange navigation that he has to use that magical third lane. Dude, see, I actually think like that where I'm like, when I see someone do something like that, I'm like, fuck it, man. Good for

you, dude. Really? It bothers me. I'm not, I not i'm i'm actually i'm kind of using that as an example of like there's better whenever i see someone break the law i'm like fuck yeah but that's usually like you're fucking with like the police or something like that no not like you're just fucking over other normal people when you do that correct it's more like uh like i like when someone jumps the turnstile it's like fuck the mt yeah yeah yeah that's right right i'm actually i don't like that either some girl didstile. It's like, fuck the MTA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. I'm actually... I don't like that either.

Some girl did it today and I was like, you're too old for that. How old was she? I don't know. 23? Yeah, too old. And she was dressed well.

Oh, that's crazy. You're going to your job. Because then you're like, well, why am I paying for the MTA? Because none of those people ever get caught. I've been caught before. I've seen police people...

You got caught jumping? In D.C. when've seen police people. You got caught jumping? In D.C. when I was in college. I got a little write-up. It was fine or whatever. But it was like I was so drunk. And I had snorted so much Xanax. Nice. I didn't know it was Xanax.

I didn't know it was Xanax. That's an important part of the story. I got a line for you. I was sn know it was Xanax. I didn't know it was Xanax. Someone was like, I got to. That's an important part of the story. Someone was like, I got a line for you. I was starting random powers. And I went and snorted it. And I was like, dude, what the fuck was that? Xanax. That'll change your night.

I was like, all right. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to bed by 7 o'clock. I got to shift gears. I'm going to go home and watch a movie, I guess. But yeah, it was me and my buddy. We both got written up by it. I noticed that Barstool um like

your first day like we reposted that did you see that yes i i was because i had sent it to gaz like uh when it went viral and i was like i know you probably can't post any of my shit but i'm just letting you know this is my yeah this will blow up yeah because it's blowing up everywhere right and he was like lol i saw it so good and So good. And I was like, I get it. They're not going to push my shit. But then day one, I'm like, hey guys, I have a video that's gone viral everywhere if you want it. And they were like, yeah, and they threw it up.

And dude, so I got some great messages this morning. I woke up to a message from none other than Cousin Greg. No way. From Succession.

Get the fuck out. Nicholas Braun. Do you know him? Can we get him in here? I mean, I've been going back and forth with him. Have you ever seen the pizza review he did? No. Time out.

I'm sorry to be kind of looking over your shoulder here. What just happened? Yeah, so these are all people that are responding. Oh, I'm blowing. I posted a big. I'll tell you this story. I don't know. He just like unlocked something. I don't even know what app. No, I haven't been on my phone in a while. And but like,

what is it? Do you have a lot like what was that? He was locked. Like, why are all those messages popping up right now? Because the last time I was on Instagram, I had a certain number of DMs, and I've gotten hundreds since then. There's a lot of people responding to the story that I put up, which I'll tell you about in a sec.

This morning, I woke up, by the way, 3.30 a.m. Nicholas Braun, Cousin Greg, you're next level, man. You're so fucking good. Let's go. I wrote, this is a thrill, my friend. You are quite literally my favorite television character perhaps ever. Because of the traffic video.

And he goes, well, that is very cool. I'm honored. Keep doing your thing, man. You've got a fucking great brain. Get him on your show, man. He did a pizza review once. I think he had his mask on. It was during COVID.

And Steve didn't know. He didn't do a pizza review. He was just walking by. And they were doing a pizza review once. I think he had his mask on. He was during COVID. And Dave didn't know. He didn't do a pizza review. He was just walking by. And they were doing a pizza review. That's amazing. And they start talking about, he's like, do you know Succession on HBO? And Dave's like, yeah, I love it. And he's like, yeah, I'm on it.

And Dave was like, what do you mean you're on it? And he's like, I'm Greg. And he was like, what? And he takes the mask down. He's like, what the fuck? The best character on the show. And I know, I think he's talked to the chicks in the office before. I think he's a Barstool fan.

You saw them rolling loud or something. Yeah. And he has to go on their show. Yes, he was like, I love your shit. So I was like, we got to get him on here. And for whatever reason, we haven't been able to do it. So make that happen. I bet you could get him on.

I guess, apparently, we can't, though. I've been trying to fucking make it happen. All right, so then let me tell you this. So as we said, again, it's not just racial lines. We should have said that. White people get mad about it, too. And including... They're just white trash.

A group of guys that have a big Instagram DM group chat, which is... I don't know. It's not that sweet. I don't think white guy friends not that sweet. I don't think like a guy, white guy friends should have Instagram DM group chats. I don't have group chats. The thing is,

I know girls that use Instagram like iMessage. I hate that. I do. But if you do that, it's like I do have group texts with my guys, but I don't have group DMs. I don't have group texts with my guys. No?

I have group texts that have girls in them as well. I do not have a strictly just the boys group text. But you have group texts with your friends, is my point. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. So one of these guys, he posted the video to their group chat. And then the next guy, the first guy's name name is beau b-e-a-u and then the next guy's name is aj and he goes screw that dude someone tried that with trevor and got his ass whooped

on the i-15 and then the next is from beau and he goes ha ha ha i'm thinking that you nate and drew would have gotten out of the car on the way to the redeem team game in Vegas and thrown hands. And then so Nate, Trevor, Bo, it gets, it gets even better, dude.

And then JB goes, someone call Elon and take his Tesla away. Traffic doesn't exist with autopilot. And they're all like liking each other's messages. And then summer of Sean dot E E dot ETA. Oh, get the fuck out of here added adds me to the chat adds me to their group chat and goes added that little bitch to the group ha ha

francis we want to know why are you such a little bitch homie needs to stay in west hollywood and drive a mini cooper and And then Cameron wrote, Ha ha ha ha. Get the fuck out of here. And then CJ, swear to God, I'm reading their names, writes, this is where I was like,

I need to respond. So CJ writes, you would be intimidated by flashing lights, you pussy. You were probably the kid who reminded the teacher to assign homework

right before the bell. I was. That's why i went to harvard not all heroes wear capes question mark please you're just another basic ass white boy in a shitty model three don't forget to put your pronouns in your email signature before your mom tucks you in tonight and then aj wrote he's probably the type of guy who rushes to lock his doors and roll up the windows. If he sees a black guy.

So that's when I was like, hang on a second. Are you really telling me that Nate? Oh, Cameron, Trevor, fucking CJ AJ and

Sean of the dead. Are bringing race into this fucking shaming. Are you kidding me right now? So then I wrote back lol. Hey guys CJ who on earth are

you calling a basic white boy? You have a shirtless profile pic and an HG Wells quote in your bio. You tune them out. AJ, show me one picture of you and your black friends, and I promise to celebrate Black History Month for real this year. This guy, Sean, was actually kind of jacked and had a lot of tattoos so i was like your daughter is actually adorable i have nothing to say to you you seem cool the fact that anyone would bring race into this chat is preposterous this is the biggest collection of white dudes

i've ever seen and i love you all good day see that's why sometimes you got to read the internet and then i changed the name of their group chat which was something like you know the bros or something to francis's come guzzling bros and then i changed the profile picture to my headshot write a blog and i i almost certainly will so that's what all people are responding to when you when you show people the

sometimes the hate you get and if you can deal with it in a funny way a lot of people seem to interact with that and like it so who knew man

I mean the shoulder is like that's the other thing you call it the breakdown lane that's probably a main I would call it breakdown lane really then it must be maybe it's the New England thing yeah what do you call it the breakdown lane that's probably a main I would call it breakdown lane yeah then it must be maybe it's New England

yeah what do you call it Nick shoulder shoulder no definitely I'd call it breakdown lane the lane like

you know the lane that you're not allowed to drive in for like emergencies if you got a flat tire and you had to pull off the highway onto the side of the highway what would you call that

what would you call the lane side street the sideline the sideline where are you from but i haven't driven in five years are you are you just guessing or do you actually call it the sideline breakdown lane i call it the shoulder would you you call it the side lane i don't think i've ever had a state out loud wait wait we're not off this point in arizona right you're on the highway there's let's say two lanes left lane you pass on the left lane right to go by people is that right yeah yeah i'm thinking england all of a sudden and then on the right lane you're just cruising along and then oh no ah flat tire but but there's like guard rails up right so you can't

pull off onto the dirt where you might go to go pee or something so you have to pull off to the side so you're out of off the highway so you can fix your tire, what do you call that lane? I would say I pulled over. On to what? This side of the highway. You do well in an interrogation. It's very little information. You're not giving me anything here.

I thought you wouldn't actually say side line. Is that actually? Side lane. I can see side lane. By the way, I don't know why I called the shoulder. If you said I pulled over to the side lane, I'd know what you were talking about.

I don't know why it's called shoulder. Breakdown lane makes a lot more sense than shoulder. I would call it the shoulder on an exit. I mean, I'd still call it the breakdown lane. Yeah. But, like, if... Getting off. Like, I think that maybe that's a little more not the breakdown lane.

But, yeah, that extra lane on the side of the highway, breakdown lane for sure. I mean, yeah, that's what it's used for, so... All right. The shoulder's made in goddamn sense. Francis is back. Hey, thank you guys. What soul is made in God damn sense. Francis is back. Hey, thank you guys. What a joy.

This is a blast. Really appreciate it. Thanks, guys. By the way, the day you started, there was a Dead Girl article floating around. There have been a lot. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.