KFC Radio - Friday Night Pints (with Erika Nardini, Kmarko, Chaps & his wife, Grinnell, Ria & Fran, and Chris Distefano

Episode Date: March 28, 2020

Week 2 of FNP on the Barstool Sports Network presented by Pink Whitney and New Amsterdam Vodka.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. There's a babe. There's a babe. What's going on? Friday Night Pints, week two, brought to you by New Amsterdam Vodka and a little ditty I like to call Pink Whitney. So if you're joining us for happy hour we shall be uh i got a little a little shot glass here oh yeah you really got a bachelor pad huh shot glasses

oh yeah well this is actually a sippy cup for my children so uh you know so call it what you will sure that's unbelievable dude i'll tell you what i fucking i look like an idiot i i love these things like saturday morning i start looking forward to friday night pints again this is real hoop this is really uh this is this is one of our better rackets ever where it's just like well we're gonna get paid to drink now and especially now in the quarantine everyone's been saying how uh you know week weekends, none of it matters. But now that there's actually something to look forward to on Friday, Friday becomes a thing again.

We're here. Friday Night Pints is here. So I'm live in the fort. I got my whole fort set up going. Wait, go back again to the other way, the first way? Yeah, you got like like is that a tv what is that what's the skyline is that a real skyline no it's just like uh i don't know what it is but yeah it's giving the little ambiance you know i thought maybe from mount vernon you could see

the skyline of new york city i'm not good we've established this no i am uh firmly in the hood there is no skyline views or anything of the sort. I thought you had the most beautiful apartment ever. I was like, what a view he's got there. That's a twin tower? It's beautiful. Look, now it's like whatever's on the – Yeah.

No, not great. It's better than your one broken light in the back there. Yeah, one day I'm going to change it. But if I change it, actually it's better that it's out because if i change it it just looks ridiculous i have this bright light behind me now leave it just as is babe i told you there was one time and i'll probably do the same thing in this apartment it was one apartment once where i i refused just kind of like a game with myself i refused to buy new light bulbs before i moved out so i was like just basically carrying a light bulb with me every room i went into. So I was like, I'm not changing these

light bulbs. I'm going to get a full wrench out of these light bulbs. Did they take it with you? It wasn't a regular thing. It wasn't a regular thing, but yeah, I'd move it from like, occasionally I'd move it from the bathroom to my closet or bathroom to my bedroom. I didn't have a lot of lights to go

around. So let's just say that. That is some broke boy shit right there. Alright, so we got a monster lineup for you. Starting off with our CEO, Erica. And here's the deal. Every time someone joins the show, we're doing a shot of Pink Whitney. So we've got about

six guests. It's going to be a solid power hour. We got Erica. We got the editor-in-chief, K. Marco. We're going to be a solid power hour. So we got Erica. We got the editor-in-chief, K. Marco. We're going to bring Grinnell in to represent the Chicklets Boys, since we are, in fact, sponsored by Pink Wadini, New Amsterdam Vodka. We got Chaps and his better half.

So we'll have our first couple edition on Friday Night Pints. We got the chicks in the office and then a special surprise guest, our first external guest for Friday Night Pints. The mistake on Twitter has been like, is it Taylor Swift coming? No, it's not Taylor Swift. No, it's definitely not Taylor Swift. But your boy got the like from Taylor Swift on what I think is maybe my favorite piece of quarantine content so far. That video, the first one was great, but your rendition, when you grab your head and pull

it on, oh my God, I'm so mad I didn't do that. I'm like, pissed off you did it first. That's Nicky. That was all Nicky. He's a fucking, he's a genius. So wait, how does that work? You do the dance first and then he just does the head thing? Yeah, he does the whole head thing.

I danced like an idiot for a minute. That was all I did. That is so great. If you haven't seen it, go check out, it's on Fights' Twitter. Then Taylor Swift, zero follows, like 100 million followers and she threw out that little heart

for your boy. This is dead serious. It's crazy that I heart for your boy. I tell you what, Ken, this is dead serious. This is crazy that I even thought this. When I tweeted that, I thought she might. Taylor Swift is very much online and I tweeted that being like, I bet Taylor is going to see this. I knew that was one that when it hit the bat, you were like,

this is a fucking home run. You did a Babe Ruth, babe. You caught your shot. It was as soon as I tweeted it. I'd already made contact, but I was just like, oh, I'm so sure. You caught your shot. It was as soon as I tweeted it. I'd already made contact, but I was just like, oh, I'm Taylor Swift. That felt fucking good. Right in the sweet spot. Now, we debated because I saw some

people, the haters are out, saying, don't get your hopes up. That's just her PR team. That's just her manager who runs her Twitter. I don't know about that. From what I understand about Taylor Swift, she's a very, very much online person. And I feel like if PR team was running it, they'd be favoriting a lot more. Like the last thing she favorited was three days ago.

Not active at all. The Kim and Kanye stuff. I think it was her. And guess what? If it wasn't, I still think it was her. So suck my dick. Yeah, really. I mean, so you've got the picture with her.

You got to hug her you've uh you got a favorite yeah the hug the hug was one of the most uh not heart-wrenching i'm trying to find the word here but most nerve-wracking thing i've ever done because as i've explained before her bouncer was like you gonna hug her and i said no sir i'll do no such thing he would not she's a people person give her a hug and i was like this you going to hug her? And I said, no, sir. I'll do no such thing. And he went, nah, she's a people person. Give her a hug. And I was like, this dude's just looking to get some reps in. Like, he wants me to go in there open-armed so he can fucking smoke me from behind, have it on camera.

But I went in for it, and she reciprocated. We had a nice little hug. Great picture. So, yeah, I mean, today she technically gave me her arm. Wasn't she also – didn't somebody like grab her ass? Wasn't somebody like a scumbag giving her a hug? Yeah, a radio DJ. I forget where, but a radio DJ somewhere.

So, you know, I don't want to have to pat you on the back for not being, assaulting a girl, but you know, you did the right thing there, John. I just gave her a flat out hugger. It was one of those like you announce, like, hey, I'm coming in for a hug from 15 feet out. Like you make it who your intentions are. Give her plenty plenty of time to kick in the dick if she wants to well listen that also means that you gave off uh enough of a vibe to that bouncer that you weren't a scumbag you know which is shocking because if you look at me that's not

the vibe i give up not at all especially back then you were primo douchebag mode back then you know i remember when i first posted that picture of us um someone had a hilarious comment where they just go it looks like you two just got off planes from completely different um climates because she's in like a sundress and i'm in like a winter jacket and to be fair it was at she was inside at gillette stadium and i was coming from outside where it was cold and raining. We did just come from different climates, but the two of us juxtaposed next to each other does look very funny. Shout out to me using juxtapose.

I love that word. That is such a fake smart person word. Even dumb people know juxtapose. It's my only one. It's the same thing I keep saying with the fucking Black Plague, where the Black Plague brought upon the Renaissance. This is going to be our next one. That's the only thing This is going to be our next one.

That's the only thing I can add to any conversation right now. People are like, yeah, well, the fucking Renaissance is coming. And what's your fact about Prague? It was untouched by the war or something? Oh, you remember that one, don't you? Yeah. Only major city in Europe not affected by the bombs in World War II. That's a good fact.

That's great material for Happy Hour, which is what we're doing here. Friday Night Pints, let's bring in our first guest. It is our CEO, Erica. Oh, shit. No, no! Hi!

Bottoms up. I have the old pink Whitney, but I'm Look how pink yours is, John, and look at hers. It's, like, clear. Here's to the CEO. My grandfather was, like, a mason, and these are – he died, and everyone in our family, like, took all the good stuff,

and I was like, I'll just take the shot glasses. Wait a minute. My grandfather, I have – I blogged my favorite glasses the other day. You know, you got – I'm keeping that good content coming. And, um, the, I have one that says, uh, J H F like laser engraved on it. Actually not my initials, my grandfather's. Well, they are my initials, not my name. They don't stand. Wait, Nardini, show me that glass, put it up to the camera. Yeah, we just did it.

So when the Masons would go visit each other, they would give each other shot glasses. So he would collect, like, this is, like, from Winooski Lodge, which was, like, his place. So my grandparents died. Everyone, like, I want the house. I want the blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'll just take the, like, Mason shot glasses.

Thank you so much. No, it really, everybody has favorite glasses, though. I miss the legit glass. And then you also have the glasses you hate. If I was dying of thirst, I wouldn't drink from it. The glass has been going through this. It's like the glass you never touch. You're like, eh, it's bad luck.

I'm not going to touch it. I'll just drink the stink instead. I was making fun of ESPN the other day. Max Kellerman and Stephen A were arguing about, yeah, shout out. Great hat, Erica. Great hat. Fuck off hat is primo. But I was making fun of how desperate they were for content. They were arguing about like George Foreman versus Muhammad.

Something crazy. And so I was like, oh like oh man ESPN's fucked and then I got a text from a guy who said your co-host just blogged his favorite cops around the house oh really my boy probably got more clicks than your fucking argument did

I saw that come through I get the alert I'm on like I'm probably the only person on the planet that has I have a notification for every blogger in our app which I think no one knows how to do but I'm probably the only person on the planet that has... I have a notification for every blogger in our app, which I think no one knows how to do. I'm like, ooh, Finalberg just... It's like, Jordy just wrote a post.

Like at 7 o'clock at night or something, and it was like the stack rank of the cups. Everyone's giving me so much shit because I was such an asshole before coronavirus when I was like, coronavirus, whatever.

I was like, we're going to eat everybody's lunch this week and I'm like, this is the shit we're talking about. Let's eat your cabinet. How's the running coming? Oh, it sucks i'm like so depressed that i started this thing i was so optimistic i was like this is great i'm gonna get in shape i can't wait and then i was like day three i was like and then day eight or day nine and i'm just like i can't keep up with you well i think we're gonna have a real uh a dichotomy between the the fit people oh and the fat people we're gonna get either fat or i think when we get back to the office that's gonna be i'm in like a large fight

with so kelly babstock you know who she played on our team. She's a beast. She's awesome. She's like, I gave you the 20 push-up challenge. I was like, yeah, I saw it. I ignored the 20 push-up challenge. Fights is all about I'm thriving. I was like, so am I. I'm working out and eating healthy. I was like, oh, I'm thriving. And I was like, so am I. And he was like, I'm working out and eating healthy. And I was like, oh, I'm eating donuts. I'm not. My definition of thriving is different

than yours. I feel like today I was very anxious. I don't have high anxiety. I'm not like an anxious person. Sorry, I have a puppy. Wait, you gotta show them. You gotta show them to the people. What kind of a lunatic in the middle of a quarantine pandemic goes and gets a new fucking dog, you gotta show them. You gotta show them to the people. What kind of a lunatic in the middle of a

quarantine pandemic goes and gets a new fucking dog, you lunatic? I think it makes sense. You got time to train it now. You know what? What's missing? Now, here's the thing, folks. Currently, no name.

It's my fault that there's no name. So we gotta at least... I wanted to name him Tuca, and then I literally went online that night, and you were like, oh, Tuca's going to get traded. Like, this sucks. He'll retire. Or whatever. Yeah.

But I feel like that's better. I feel like a trade would be different because if he goes to another team and you have to, like, play against him. But if you retire, I mean, he's been good. He's always been. I mean, he's a goalie goalies are weird i he's i think he's like he's young 30s he's not retirement age i mean he could retire of course but uh he's he could keep playing if he wants i think he's always kind of been you know i think he's one of those guys who's like, I happen to be really great at this sport. I don't know if I even like it, though. I absolutely think he's awesome.

I could be a carpenter if I wanted. Yeah. So why don't we just go with Untitled. Just go with Untitled. Untitled, the dog. I'm sorry. I'm not listening right now.

We'll just have him be Untitled I think untitled is like a fine thing Like just call him dog Kevin how are you What's going on I mean I It's tragic and I don't like That people are dying and stuck

And arms weighing But I am loving quarantine. I made for this. We're coming up with new ideas. We're rolling out new content. I'm living in a fucking fort in Ardeni. I'm just, I couldn't be happier. You have like one of those coolers, you know,

the coolers where you go, when you're like, don't have your own cooler and your budget, you go to the beach and you like shove all your shit in the thing you buy from like the 7-Eleven. I just hook a fan up to it. It's like I got air conditioning. I got a beanbag chair. I just love it. I mean, I might go back.

Yeah. Like if we go back to the office. He puts himself indoors indoors I'm double indoors How do you think about how we're doing? Like what do you think we're doing well? And what do you think we're not doing well? I think that live streams are just like

The new thing And I think everybody who's going live Is going to be ahead of the game So I hope that we keep doing more of that I don't know I guess you would So I hope that we keep doing more of that. I don't know. I guess you would probably know better what we're doing poorly, but I don't think... I think the content's been awesome.

Yeah. I thought the conversations today, like I thought the conversation with your guys today was awesome about like more lives, more like how are people filling their time? Yeah, I think enough stuff's getting to the blog? are people making smart stuff during this time? do you think enough stuff gets to the blog Erica?

I mean I'm always a bitch for the blog so I'm like that was the one thing I was thinking Dan had a good email today a lot of people are doing a lot of interesting things on social and I don't the blog is like, you know, I feel like people don't pay as close,

the writers don't pay as close attention to the blog as usual because there's so much stuff going on. First of all, you two understand this world in Barstool where you never had a place. And I think that's what's so, like I had to write my February update today, like a business update. And it's like i'm always

like we're winning it's the best like we're 100 above goal and now like we're getting hammered which is i've never had to say before but it's like the thing that i said was that i think the thing that is so different about us is that like you guys were not defined by having a studio you guys never had studios you never had crowds you never had audience you never had you actually had nothing right all of you dave kevin john you dan keith like all you guys had nothing it all you had was time and your brains right and the desire to make comedy and i'm like the thing that like sets us apart is that ingenuity of like i don't know what the fuck we're gonna do like we're talking about stuff so i feel like so good about that i think that brand like the advertising

market is obviously collapsing but my thing is like if you're trying to sell detergent or home, what everyone's home, everyone's miserable. You can't go out. You're drinking a lot. You are on a conference call all day long. You are like trying to self-care in the middle of it sucks. So if you have a product for that, like we're the fucking like best place for it so how do we tell that story and how do people think about it differently i just think that's so cool but it's well i mean i was i was a little bit concerned about people who started recently who are used to studios producers engineers cameras and like camera men, and all that. And, you know, if that's

not a knock on them, because if that's what you started and that's what you're used to, you would probably be lost without all of it. Whereas I think for me, I took about like 24 hours to like snap back to seven years ago and I was just like, oh, I know how to do this. Like I, you know,

this is what i did for so long so i think it's i think it's a good time too for all the people who don't usually right we always talk about how people should be like if you're new to the company you should be blogging more because it's just a good way to get your voice and find your voice and now like there are always times where it was like you know in the office between interviews and all kinds of stuff it was like harder to find time to blog it's been so much easier now i think absolutely everyone like you guys are blogging dan's blogging like our busiest people are blogging and my thing that's cool about now is that like you and i i talked to dan about this last night is that like if you were if you were shy if you you had inhibition about sharing whatever weirdo idea you had, now's the time.

Because honestly, nobody's looking and you could actually find audience with it. I'm like, we should be taking some risk on stuff. So I'm very optimistic about us. I think the bar is so low. And not to say that you should just put out bad content, but people right now are so bored that if you got a quirky, weird idea, like just put it out there because they're going to give it a shot. They're going to,

they're going to like, you know, watch a couple extra minutes or longer. So speaking of the blog, uh, I'm getting kicked off. I get it. Well,

no, no, hang on for one second. Cause when Keith comes in, then you talk for a little bit. Yeah. Listen, I got it. You let me direct traffic. Okay. Don. I get it. Hang on for one second. When Keith comes in, then you talk. I got it. You let me direct traffic. Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing here. Let's bring in editor-in-chief

K. Marco. He's just chirping me. What's up? I'm so excited to talk to you guys. How is everyone doing? So long, Keith. Cheers.

Yeah, no shit. Hey, Whitney, what's up? Bro, I'm so excited to talk to you guys. I've never wanted to talk to anyone ever with my mouth out loud. I'm excited. Talk to me. Say something. Just paint the picture, John.

Let me paint the picture for everybody. Say whatever you want. So I was getting everything set up, and we have all new people to Friday Night Pints today. And the one thing I forgot to tell them was that you have to have Google Chrome to do this. So I sent a group chat, John. It was Erica, Keith, Chaps, Rhea, and Fran. And I just said, hey, guys, make sure you have Google Chrome. Keith and Chaps must have sent 65 text messages to this group text.

I mean, these guys are so desperate to talk to someone right now. You're welcome. You've been trying to kick me off, Keith. I think that's shocking. Yeah, Keith was like, get out of here. What? No, I mean, I said it nicely. You're just Keith was like, get out of here. What? He's like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I mean, you know what?

No, I mean, I said it nicely. You're just over your time. It's my turn. It's my turn. Keith, while we still have Erica here, she said she's always a bitch about making sure the blog is full. Are you getting more, as the editor, are you seeing more shit flowing through? Yeah, hell yeah. Blogs are up like crazy. And, like, everyone more shit flowing through? Yeah. Hell yeah.

Blogs are up like crazy there. And like everyone, nobody has anything to do. So they're just putting blogs up and we're getting like, Kevin, you did some big cat did some, and then the regular guys are just doing like double what they normally do. I've been like working all,

all day with their blogs. I had time to, I had, and it's, it's awesome. Some of they're actually blogging better i think that this like isolation driving them a little crazy they got out of their heads and i barely have to like change that i mean these things are usually fucking disaster

big t dumb ethan it's just like crazy fixing everything but it's good it's bringing the best out of everyone yeah well i'm gonna give erica one more question before we let her run because lord knows she's got so much to do by the way i don't think i've gotten a chance to do anything with you publicly yet learning how much you did over the past what 18 months or whatever to get that deal done so much shit that went on behind the scenes that i don't think anybody probably other than dan and dave knew how much you were doing so thank you for that because that's nice i think there other than Dan and Dave knew how much you were doing. So thank you for that because I think it was probably a million times for bothering you

or asking questions, not realizing you were pulling off the fucking heists of the century. So thank you for that. What's that? We'll do a behind the blog or something. There's a lot to talk about behind the blog so we'll get it all out there. My, um, my last question for you is, does it feel weird at all?

See, being that it's like a tragedy right now, but I, I feel like it's opportunity. And sometimes I feel like a scumbag because of that, but it's like from a business point of view, it kind of is, right. There's a chance to like, totally off and find new markets and all that kind of shit i think i'm very stressed i'm stressed um like the economy is cratering which affects us but the thing that like i live i live for you guys like i live for you guys like i love you guys so much and i think the way you attack everything and you think about things and you create things it is just so inspiring and I think that my like at the end of the day like when I die early of like cancer because I held it all in and like I tried to be like I know what you're talking about but But it's like a weird time.

But like, I feel like my job is to hold the world back so that you guys can feel the way you feel about your lives and sports and content and the stock market and whatever. And I think that it is a huge opportunity. Like, I look at most media companies and they're silent. They're literally silent. Like and they're silent they're literally silent like they're playing classics they're doing like anemic content but like you guys are inventing like honestly i have a whole i have a whole thing that just tracks new shit people create every day and like i don't know any other company right now that has a thing that tracks new shit people are doing every day.

And it could be like glasses in my cabinet or like Marty Bush trying to put a like golf ball and like a gumball machine. It's not like it's not like we're like we're we're literally like pandemic proof. Like any disaster that happens that shuts everyone down. And you three get this more than anyone at barstool i mean not more than but like dave dan like your crew your generation gets you guys never had anything you net like you literally i was saying this to kevin before we started like you never had anything you didn't you never had a studio you never had hq1 you never had hq2 you never had hq3 You never had HQ2. You never had HQ3.

Erica, we had each other. You had each other. Back in the old days, we had to walk uphill both ways. It was... But we all fucking hated each other. We got each other's throats. Totally. I didn't know we hated each other.

I didn't hate each other. Yeah, that was news to me as well, Keith. I don't know what that was all about. Well, not you. Well, all right. We've got to stop recording. Go do your thing. Bye, Erica.

Take care of that pup, all right? I'm out of here. See you. Thank you, Larry. You're off. You're off. See you. All right.

Keith is back. What's up? This is like your triumphant KFC radio return in a way. I don't care. I just want to hang out. Hang out. Say something. Whatever you want to talk about.

I know you busted out the big boy shirt for this. I know that Australian shirt. That's Keith's game time shirt. I like that. I like you getting drunk. Second time wearing it. Yeah. I wear it for big occasions.

Second time wearing it. I donated a good amount to the australia wildfires it took like 60 days to get here when it came i didn't know what it was for but uh australia i mean big supporter i did we're like three crises past australia by the time you got that but like i for yeah i think we almost did world probably so i think it's still going It's probably still going Australia's still going? That must be the world They said it wasn't going to be done

Let's not talk about pandemics Alright What do you want to talk about? Could you imagine right now If you got some other tragedy to deal with Everyone's like, don't care Whatever dude Some lady was on the news today and she's like giving birth in three days and so she's they were talking the whole segment i don't know why i was watching it but

it was like how nervous she is to have a baby like in literally the worst time you could possibly do it and i don't know how like i don't know how you do that it's like overwhelming just sitting in this apartment, let alone like having to bring a human life into the world. Yeah. But you know what? I've been telling people this. I got a shout out to the big wheeze. He just had twins. A couple other people I know just had babies. Your life sucks so much anyway, when that happens and you live quarantined anyway,

you got to worry about germs. You're not leaving the house. You can't have people over. So you kind of live quarantined anyway, you got to worry about germs. You're not leaving the house. You can't have people over. So you kind of live quarantine life anyway. If there's ever a time, you might as well just do it now. At least everyone else is doing the same thing. You're not going to have any FOMO or anything. You're just going to be at home taking care of your kid. Coley's doing it right now.

Coley said he's furious because he was looking forward to two weeks of paternity leave, and now the whole world is doing paternity leave. So, I mean, there's silver linings to all of it. How have you guys been doing? I talk to John a lot. I haven't really talked to you, Kevin. Bro, I was just saying, you know, I feel bad that it's other people's misery, but you know me. I love this shit.

Hopping back on G-Chat on g chat g chatting with you guys that green dot those you're a little you're you're a little distant you're a little distant on it you're not like consistent like you used to be i honestly just stopped i stopped looking at you on that because it was more disappointing than then see i think we're all i said it last week and i think we're all still fine in our g chat rhythm like we we knew each other's schedules before to a t like i knew when you were masturbated straight up all right he's just got his gta ready he's gonna need 15 20 minutes it's fucking down to a science with everything you know what they don't have anymore is the green dot and the the red dot and the the like orange clock if you were away that That would be great.

I have to go search for you. You're never available. So maybe I'm not even logged in or something. No, I don't mean you. I mean Keith. Kevin, you go. Keith's always great. I got to go scrolling for you.

Yeah, so fuck you, Keith. You don't know how to check. Is that just from being active? Because I'm on it. It never goes off on my computer. I have a feeling you got it. Whatever. We text. We don't know how to chat. Is that just from being active? Because I'm on it. It never goes off on my computer. I have a feeling you got it. Whatever. We text. We text. We evolved to texting. I don't care about your rules. I'll leave you straight text all day.

If I have a thought, I'm going to text it to you and it's going to build up and I don't care. I'll tell you what. This has been the first night and I'm sorry for bragging about being cool. People are starting to go a little haywire. I have had now granted we had the taylor swift thing some people reached out for that but i've had 50 text messages tonight everyone is string texting me i'm losing my goddamn motherfucking everybody if you have

john feidelberg's phone number string texting we're gonna break you did you john did you see my response tweet yes thank you very much taylor actually she was very impressed with that the one i had before that was the single meanest thing i've ever written if i had sent it if i had sent it it would be the meanest thing i've ever done it was like a kim kardashian like you would they both would have unfollowed you and like like canceled you oh they would have sent the army after you. For one of your previous Taylor takes, you mean? I was just going to go full Kim K on him, but I went, I went with the nice route. Cause I didn't,

there's not a time to lose a friend. I was, I was very worried when, when the Taylor light came through, I was like, if Taylor's doing any other digging, she's going to find several takes from me and a lot of Barstool Sports not exactly being kind to T-Swift. Yeah, but I've been carrying that torch. I never, again, in my apology to her, I regretted never sticking up for her on this very subject. Right. But, you know, she's had someone in her camp at Barstool Sports the whole time.

Well, yeah. know there's she's had someone in her camp at varsity sports the whole time well yeah i mean she i don't think she's hurting for fans but i think i think we were not exactly uh the nicest at times we also did you see uh anybody watch pete davidson's stand up we got we got no i heard it wasn't good uh we'll bring in chaps now because he flat out brings up the butthole eyes on in the middle of his special. He's like, uh, yeah,

like this person got this, this person got that. I got called butthole eyes by barstool sports.com. So we bring in Chaps now and his better half. I have to have my wife. Chaps is Chaps. It's my wife. She's here.

Chaps up. Hello, friend. I'm very disappointed when Erica was talking about the blogs. It's my wife. She's here. What's up? Hello, Frank. Erica was talking about the blogs. No mention of log splitters. I live for two chat blogs, two traps,

uh, uh, brands, log split. And, and whoa, that's a nice motorcycle. Oh baby. That's a motorcycle.

Every, every time, every time I send an email out to new bloggers or just bloggers in general one of my main points is always like pages matter of course but barstool is unique because if you write a fucking hilarious blog that only 100 people read but they're core stoolies and they die laughing at it that's the best thing you can do i use chaps as an example because those page views are at impossibly low page more more more people can accidentally click on a post and read those vlogs no funny last night about swinging sticks and i thought it was one of the best things i've written in like three years and i watched it because you know like the top five blogs now go on the top thing

i was like oh that bad boy's gonna take over soon and then i was like you know what maybe this thing is broken i need to go to the actual dashboard and see what's going on it didn't even show up in the top 50 but caleb texts me He's like, that's fucking hilarious. I'm like, I'm going to write the follow-up tomorrow. I had to check. I had to check to see if it was broken. It wasn't. I think maybe it doesn't register below a certain

number. You didn't register. There was I'm not, this is not a joke. There was quite literally a Francis blog above you. I think you know that was just mean.

Did you get to the spot where we were just joking around, being friends? No, the whole point was I was saying how funny they were. I used those as examples. Did you get up to date with the old schoolies who found a very

easy way to move water. That was unbelievable. Unbelievably funny. We got Mrs. Chaps in the building here too. How is quarantine life going with... A lot of time being

spent. Chaps, you're always doing this, obviously, remotely. going with, I mean, a lot of time being spent, but I guess, I mean, chaps, you're always kind of doing this obviously remotely, but, uh, all the kids home, including your husband, who I'm going to qualify as a kid as well. So how are you guys holding up? Or I guess I really, what is it like for you guys? It's not nearly as bad as this shithole up here. So are you guys still out and about? No, no, not out and about. We haven't left in like 14

days. Longer. 15 days. I haven't left the house. I'm sanitizing our groceries. You got groceries? Yeah, they're all the time because I work from home too. There's a change here. That's part of that 1500

counter. No. Chad, I have a bone to pick with you. Yesterday, I watched a very enjoyable Periscope, but are you telling me the military claims are rocks at poles? Big time. That's a huge military game. Been going off since

World War II, pal. Is that where I learned it as a child? Probably from one of your veteran relatives, I would imagine. Really? Oh, it was huge. Have you ever played Rock vs. Rock? No, I don't think I've played Rock vs. Rock. It sounds like bocce, but.

You just throw it. It's the same concept. It's just when you don't have a pole. Yeah, I remember just sitting in my backyard always basically doing exactly what you did. I just sit in front of my basketball hoop. I suck at basketball. I was pretty good at baseball. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to start throwing rocks at this thing. The best thing was I explained to her the concept of being a boot, like being a brand new military person.

And McCartney today was like, so when we go out there and play today, am I no longer the boot? And I'm like, no, you're the boot for like three years. And they're like, I got to pick up the rock for three years. It's like, oh, yeah. I'm going to dance class. Can I just stay on with chaps? Do you have to kick me off? Ordinarily, I would probably be about to kick you off,

but you seem so incredibly desperate oh I'm so sorry I wanted to see you guys I apologize for being such a good friend like no we text all the time what we text

you think text is the same as this at my wife what do you get out of it? Yeah we can FaceTime We're going to have a wine night with Big Cat We're going to have a wine night with Erica Let's have an old fashioned night with Keith Oh that sounds delightful

That does John can come too Not you Kevin Because you're going to be negative Nancy about it You can do anything you want with me You can do anything you, Kevin, because you're going to be a negative Nancy about it. You can do anything you want with me. You can do anything you want with me if you invite me. So before we went live, I was asking Chaps, we're drinking our Pink Whitney's here.

Shout out to New Amsterdam Vodka. But I was asking Chaps what he was going to have. And you said you might mix up a little gin and tonic, huh? Yeah, I like gin and tonics i like palomas that's what i actually made a little bit of uh grapefruit juice tequila and some sparkling water yeah you did i feel like the gin move at home i know gin and tonic is a is a classic drink but we were talking about this on cck uh the type of drinks that you you have at a bar versus the type of drinks you make at home you're opening up the gin at home huh well gin and tonic is so easy like it feels nice and breezy it's not like heavy or anything like that so you just take like two shots of hendrix put it in with a little bit of seltzer water and a slice of lime and you got a cocktail brewing look at you you

approve my teeth you down with that, Mr. Mixology? Yeah, no. Chaps is my guy. Chaps has the pass to do whatever he wants. That's very rare that you get... Do you? I don't even know. You get espresso martinis, that's fine. I don't know if you're versatile.

Do you drink anything else? Miller Lite, Coors Lite. I was bored earlier today, and i was just reading about drinks so i didn't want to drink yet that's so sad that's like quarantine life what can i get into hmm what time is it it's 11 47 i'll read for 13 more minutes i'm to read about a couple of cocktails. I was just reading about the martini, and this sentence here really spoke to me. The classic martini calls for gin. Some people love it,

while others feel like drinking gin is a bit like biting a pine cone. Gin is full of botanical flavors, which are mostly juniper forward. It's the friend who's always wearing a bright, funky-colored shirt, and despite how much you hate it, it just works. I was like, I'm'll show you that i'll show you the best shit

if i had to label my personality for alcohol i'm a gin it's a fucking pain in the ass and you hate it but sometimes it just works you're not a pain in the ass you're a delight to be around you're like a nice little cotton candy vodka. Like a pink Whitney, perhaps. Thank you, New Amsterdam. Well done. Speaking of, we've got to bring I almost said something pretty dumb. That's credit to the EIC. How stupid are you? Say it.

It wasn't a say. I was going to show something. But then I remembered how we make our money basically is what I'm saying so don't even worry about it and so that's why we're going to bring Grinnell in here I'm sorry Keith but you do have to get the boot so we will

yeah for Grinnell for Grinnell are you fucking kidding me you're kicking me out for Grinnell not Biz not Whitney you're kicking me out for Grinnell Gr Not Biz, not Whitney. You're kicking me out for Grinnell. Grinnell. You can't be fucking serious. Grinnell, get out of here.

I think that's reasonable. Grinnell. That's reasonable slander, I think. You just fucking gave him the boot, Nick. I love that. Literally got ejected. That's our first ever Friday Night Pints ejection. I'll take that. So, let's pour another shot. Yeah, I'm going to be... I'm supposed to cook dinner after this.

I'm going to be rightly drunk. Cheers. Bottoms up. Ooh, that. Does not deliver to San Antonio yet. We will be getting Drizzly soon, yeah. Grinnell, we had to have you on because, you know, it's a Chicklets product. Sponsor-related, I know. I'm only on because of the sponsor. I understand chicklets product and we wanted to related i know i'm only on

because of the sponsor i understand that you know you do know the score and actually i wanted to i wanted to talk to you about that like you're very very open about uh you know being so grateful to biz and wit but you also gotta understand that you're yeah you're like you're a bit of a plan b right you know oh i say it all the time i compare myself to the freshman on the varsity hockey team i'm just happy to be here like i shouldn't be on the team but like i'm happy i just keep my mouth shut until coach is like all right girl now get out there we're up 10 nothing and then i'll go out there or like i'll serve a penalty like i'm kind of like at the end of the game like biz got kicked out of the game for fighting and i'm just stepping in here to serve his penalty.

I mean, that's a beautiful life right there. I wouldn't be complaining about that at all either. I mean, I get vodka delivered to me whenever I want. They bought me a nice watch. Yeah, you get Rolexes. I got a Rolex. Life's pretty good.

I'm actually sitting here like you just happened to have your Rolex right next to you he wears it, he wears the Mrs. Chaps everywhere, every day I wear it all day, every day weren't you wearing it at the Pond Hockey Tournament? yes

and I, yes, yes I was and then someone was like where's your Rolex? and I'm like, oh shit, I think, i don't know i don't know where the rolex is yeah that's you're you're how old you i'm i'm 27 now i'm older than you're getting up there okay i know i know i get to talk from witt and biz now where they're like you can't just be that like kid anymore. Like you gotta be an adult now. Well, I don't know. Don't business.

Shut the fuck up. That's real rich coming from those guys who are, you know, millionaire professional athletes who have no fucking idea what the regular world is like at all. So I don't know. Watch that slander. Watch the slander.

I'm still, I'm still their guy here. I feel like it's not an insult to them. I'm also a child. Most people here are children except for Chaps and Mr. Chaps. I'm a child. I'm never going to tell someone they need to grow up. But it is funny that you're 27 because I always think of you.

You're not a child. You're a beautiful gen. As one of the kids. But the weird thing is all the kids at Barstool, do I think of as kids? Yeah. Well, I think of Dana. Glennie Ball still counts.

How old is Glennie? Glennie's, I think, two years younger than me. Yeah, so Glennie's like 24, 25. Yeah. 26 is your first real adult year. Yeah, so Glennie's like 24, 25. Yeah, 26 is your first real adult year. Yeah, 100%. That's when you're on the off your parents insurance.

I feel like the Dana B and Marty Murch and Grinnell are like the fake kids. Like I think they're like 22 and they're just not. How about speaking to Dana B? If I could grow a beard. Today someone tweeted Dana B's high school yearbook picture or something like that unbelievable name in it and it dawned on me that in my phone i have him as dana jacobson because i saw his last name

started with a b it's like dana barry or whatever it is i've had him in my phone as dana jacobson the whole time i believe's Dana Jacobson? She was the host of Cold Pizza on ESPN, I think. Yeah, she was at ESPN. I knew I heard the name before. I didn't know they worked for us. That's very funny. But no, I mean, Pink Whitney is what? It's like the fastest selling liquor of all time.

Right. It's like more bottles than ever. Every other major brand ever. Yeah, it's actually funny. When we were in Philadelphia one time, we were out at dinner and a girl came up to our table and was like pointed at Ryan and was like, are you the vodka guy? And like that's like never happened before. Like to be like, are you the vodka guy? And like, that's like never happened before. Like to be like, are you the vodka guy? Like the guy was on the U S Olympic team. He does the biggest hockey podcast in the world. And they're like, are you the vodka guy? That's similar to Portnoy though.

I mean, Portnoy wrote what? A hundred thousand blogs made a zillion videos. And now he's known as the pizza guy, which I don't know, to be honest, like his pizza shit's funny, but he's like either one of them. You're fine. Like you could be whatever guy you want to be honest like his piece of shit's funny but he's like either one of them you're fine like

you could be whatever guy you want to be if you're like whitney's or port noise listen if anybody uh wants to call me the that guy about any of it donut guy okay with it that's fine that means you're doing it's gonna be the donut guy i'll take it the only time i've ever been that guy it's something that i did not want to be known for. So anything other than that, we can keep it moving. Everybody's happy otherwise. But,

uh, yeah, I think things are going pretty well for the chicklets gang. Uh, anything, anything big coming up for you guys? How, I mean,

how's quarantine life with chicklets? Dude, it's like, it's like, what does Bane say? He's like, I was born in the darkness. Like we were born for this shit. Like we like, I was born in the darkness. We were born for this shit.

I've recorded in my apartment every episode. We've been doing this forever. It's really no different for us. It's just easier to get guests now for us because no one's doing anything. Easier for the Chicklets gang in quarantine. Yeah, I would say it's easier for us.

How's the boy Rude Boy doing? Rude A! come on in rudy come here and bring that slut felicity i think i think rudy's struggling king rudy's the the dating the internet dating king and he can't go on hinder rude boy How you doing? What are we talking about? How are you holding up in quarantine life? How's that interplay going now?

I'm doing good, man. I mean, a lot of time to, I write in a journal. I wake up every morning to him talking to his friend. Wait, wait, wait. You write in a journal? Yeah, dude, there's just nothing but time. I read my plant-her-horoscope every morning. You write in a journal? Yeah. Dude, there's just nothing but time. I read my plant horoscope every morning. I write in a journal at night.

Are you recording every night? You need to reread your journal out loud and make that a series. Go get it. Go get it. Go get it. Read us a passage. I can't read you. It's like really deep, dark, you know, like thoughts.

I don't know. I would watch the fuck out of Rudy's diary every night. Go get it. I'll read it. I'll do it tonight. I'll do it tonight. Rudy, you came out here strutting like a – I don't even know what you kind of looked like.

I mean, you look just perfectly Denver right now. You're like coming out here, you're kind of like a five-clock shadow. You kind of got like a high strut. Like, he's probably the hottest dude at Barstool. No, it sucks how cool he is. It sucks living with someone that's way cooler than you.

Cause like he leaves his national championship ring out on the table. And I know he does it on purpose. I know it's not a move. That's just like, Hey, I won one of these and you didn't even come close to playing. Listen, you're going to bring the Rolex around, he's pointing out the ring.

That's only fair. Yeah, but the Rolex was given to me. I didn't earn this. He earned it. Yeah, that's different. Mine was kind of different. All right, so listen, it's been great with both you guys. We're going to take both you guys out, bring the chicks in the office back in.

So Chaps, Mrs. Chaps, thank you so much. Love you guys. We're going to take both you guys out, bring the chicks in the office back in. So Chaps, Mrs. Chaps, thank you so much. Love you guys. Enjoy your pink Whitney. Absolutely. See you fellas. Fran and Rhea join us now. Nope. There we go.

Finally. Oh my God. We were running a little late. And then you said Rudy. I was like, my God, he doesn't shut up. I think Rudy was on a lot of mushrooms there. Rudy had a real like, I'm high as fuck. Rudy likes a lot of, actually not mushrooms,

edibles. Rudy just likes to nibble on those bad ones. Fight, you got to do two. Double. One. Here's a run. not mushrooms edibles like the nibble on those bad fights we got to do too so double one here's um first of all let me just say you both look gorgeous i know that quarantine life a lot of girls are worried about their eyebrows and their hair and their you know you guys look great thank you i really, really nervous about my hair. I'm about to be a brunette. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. You very strategically have your roots cut out of the frame. Yeah, I didn't do that on purpose, but thank you for pointing that out, Fran. I'm struggling with that, but I realized, you know what? When I'm out of here, the post-quarantine glow-up,

when I first get my highlights done, is going to be unbelievable. Like, I'm just going to feel like a million bucks. I didn't know you were a brunette, nor did I know you were a model until our recent – until the post or something like that. Sean, you're so good. I mean, what, what,

what a shot. Those looks that you were serving. Oh my God. The fact that you thought I was a natural blonde is concerning. Cause no, I just never, I just look, look,

here's the deal with me. I'll take it as a compliment because that's the first time. Boys can tell. I've only known her as a blonde therefore she's blonde whatever you tell me is the truth i'm so gullible and naive and stupid that just whatever you tell me something i'm like perfect that's great that makes sense like it's it's on you you lied to me i didn't i didn't get tricked you told me a lie i didn't lie i. You told me a lie. I didn't lie. I just never told you anything. Listen,

if you're ever in a fight with your boyfriend and he says, Oh, I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you that doesn't fly. So yeah, you're not going to get past me, John. How's quarantine life with handsome Hanko?

Fantastic. Honestly, we were just talking about it. Our apartment has turned into a fun house. Like our room, I have these funky lights and I'm not like, I don't, I just, one day I was laying in there. I was like, I just, I've got to redo everything in here. Like, it just looks like a guy's apartment who doesn't care.

And I was so cool with that for so long, but I so bored it's like i almost felt this coming i did it like two weeks before all this it's like we just got to redecorate and hank was like okay go ahead i don't care i redid the whole thing ordered a fireplace so like the bedroom's popping then we have like john has been to my apartment he knows when we walk in there's like a open no no yeah yeah john's been here he knows we have like a walk-in room but there's nothing going on in there so we now made that the streaming room and then in our living room we have darts hanging up now so it's it's there's a lot going on there's so much to do so much room for activities and you guys are shooting hanks corses out there shooting um like and me and hank were talking about this he was like people are giving me more credit than they should like i just held the camera like i

edited it like i i would reoccur together can i ask you a question you did a great job filming okay i want to ask you a question about it did a great job telling me. Okay. I want to ask you a question about it because my whole family was texting me today. Like that was so good. How did we do that? And then my mom told me to ask you because I forgot to clarify for the people. Did you memorize every line and then say it? Or did you have cue cards? I'll show you what I did.

Okay. Just a little behind the scenes. Because, I mean, that was a minute long. That's fucking hard to memorize the whole thing. It was spot on. I wrote this out. Wait, sorry. Went full iPad. Love it.

I wrote this out last night and I sat up and I memorized it so you did memorize it you memorized that's crazy you saw the child model pic she was also a child actor this is a great thing

your favorite movies I auditioned for them you have no idea I auditioned for more movies than you could imagine um have you seen vacation with ed helms and it was like the remake vacation yeah i auditioned for the part with the young boy he meets the girl and she's like flirting with him you know they like i don't know i don't know uh salt i auditioned for young angelina jolie come on i i auditioned for oh my god they're facing every single movie heroes reborn the new show when heroes came back i'll just do that

one day have young ria's confidence like i'd like to be i'll be young Angelina. What up over here? Are you kidding me? We all need to be like 12-year-old Rhea confidence. This is what happened. You have to get headshots done. You send them to an agency. An agency wants to sign you. And then from that point on, the agency takes over and sends your headshot out to casting directors.

And then you get called for that audition. So the Angelina jolie one only eight girls auditioned and i was one of them which was crazy so wait when you uh when you like started to intern at barstool were you like bringing that all back were you like all right i can do this shit or were you just kind of like was that already like done and over um i had emailed my manager and I was like, listen, I started working at this place called Barstool. I gained

a few thousand followers at the time. I had not that many followers. I was an intern. I was like, I gained a few thousand followers and she was like, okay, here's a script. I want to see where you're at. Honestly, I just never sent it

back like that haunts me to this day that like i just never sent her the script back of me doing it but things were going so well at bar school that i was like yeah when you meet with dave and he's like at the time he was like agent you haven't i was only an intern he didn't really like so i guess i'm gonna get rid of that and it's worked out for me so and ria also i feel like now we have so many opportunities where you've like where people have asked like oh do you want to interview blah blah blah and you're like i used to do acting class with them like yeah and they're in these different roles that are kind of like i mean it's so true they're like people are like Rhea do you want to interview them the craziest story I have

is this is the last thing I'll say about it you know Alexander Daddario yeah the story should I tell it tell it we had the same manager and I used to go to acting class every single week with her

brother Matt Daddario who was on Shadowhunters. I don't know if you've seen that show on Freeform. It's Alex's brother. So I used to go. Are you OK, John? I closed my eye thing in my lip. Oh, you idiot. I was like, oh, my God, he really likes Matt D'Addario. I used to be in acting class with him every week. And our acting teacher's name was Anne Raytray, who is Devin Raytray, who's in Home Alone. Buzz.

His mom, Buzz. So she was my acting teacher. And she used to do this thing around Christmas time. Always around Christmas time, she would make people do commercials. We never did commercials. We only worked on scenes, improv, never commercials. This time we did Clement did commercials. We only worked on scenes, improv, never commercials. This time we did Clementine commercials and it was just me and Matt D'Addario for some reason, like people were running late. Like it was like around the holiday season. So people were gone

and I was in like eighth grade and she was like, do you, do you know like an orgasm? Yeah. Like I was like really young. She was like, do you know what like an orgasm is? And I was like really young she was like do you know what like an orgasm is and I was like yeah and she was like okay I want you to like each each time you like take a piece of the clementine like act like you're having an orgasm like as you eat it and this was in front and she was like okay you're gonna do this in front of Matt and I just like was in just he was like I can't watch this because I was doing it I was so young and he was like I don't want to watch this that was like he was older like it was so you're 12 years old and you're doing this I yeah I was really and if you were in eighth grade you were probably 12th yeah it was a female teacher telling you to do this? Female, female teacher. Right. She was really old. Like, she was old, old.

Like, old school. Apparently. Tell kids don't have orgasms. That's old school? Real fucking old school. Back when it was normal. Like, hey, kid. You were saying I was abused as a child.

Like, I don't remember it as that. I was acting. Which I don't remember. Owning my craft. Francesca, you're down in Florida, right? John, I wish I was in Florida. I'm on Long Island.

I am at my boyfriend's house. Oh, you tricked her. I think you had an Instagram story of a beach. It's a beach on Long Island. My family's in Florida. My sister's down there. I waited

too long to the point where flying was just not acceptable anymore. I was expecting a vacation to be for the duration of quarantine on the Amalfi Coast or something. Kevin, if Italy wasn't close...

Bad choice. Italy wasn't worse. Yeah, bad choice, bad choice. But you know what I mean. Italy wasn't worse than this, but no, I, yeah, I mean, my parents are in Florida. I wish I was, but it's not bad. Like there, we got some water. I mean, listen, it could be worse. Yeah, I mean, I could be in my apartment. Right. Like the three of us.

Yeah, it could be a lot worse than the beaches of Long Island. So no, no. I'm and, and thank God, like I feel great about being actually kind of in a house, like being outside. Like today was so nice.

I could go outside, go for a walk. And you guys, I mean, there's been like major news since the quarantine for you guys to work with. God bless Kim Kardashian. Like I actually,

I'm happy to have you guys right now. Cause I never got a chance to watch it what did mason disick do he just grabbed his phone and popped on okay okay i'll explain it so mason created his own instagram account mason disick official he did this on his own and he's 10 right he's 10 um he did it on his own he did it on his own and he went on a fake orgasm, yeah. He, no. He did it on his own, and he went on Instagram Live and was answering questions. And somebody asked, are Kylie and Travis still together? And he was like, no, Kylie and Travis aren't together. Quick answer, moved on to the next question.

But then Kourtney went on Instagram Live and explained that she had no idea that Mason did this. He doesn't even have a phone. How did he make this Instagram account? And so he made the Instagram account. And so she's like, I took away the Instagram account. He doesn't have that anymore. Instagram account's been taken away. So then in the past, like a couple months ago, he had made a TikTok and had gotten the TikTok taken away.

I also think that had to do with age stuff with tiktok and so he got back on his tiktok and was like if i still had my tiktok i'd have millions of followers by now um so he went live on his tiktok and was like back he was like no one can hold me down renegade a renegade. I love it. So wait, do we think that this is like the Kardashians are pimping out the next generation or we really think he's going in? No, I don't think they want him on at all.

They want these kids on a tight leash. Mason is... He doesn't understand the concept of a secret yet, I don't think. He's just out here saying, Kylie and Travis aren't together and usually that's something I think the Kardashians would keep a secret. i don't think so he's just out here like saying oh kylie and travis aren't together and usually that's something i think the kardashians would keep a secret they would be like oh and i love that um when he was on tiktok too on live somebody asked him like are you on the new season of kardashians he was like yeah i'm on it somebody was like uh i see i see

you're on keeping up with kardashian goes yeah Kardashian. He goes, yeah, I'm on that show. He's like, yeah, I'm on that show. What an asshole. I love him. Yeah, he's incredible. Kardashians is a funny thing because I've never seen I've probably never seen more than 10 continuous seconds of that show, but everything I hear about, I love.

I just can't. I know. Their 18th season premiered last night I watched it today they're still as entertaining as ever they do a great job they do we were arguing on the rundown and I know you had Dave

on the show Dan was firmly like this is all Kardashians working it like they leaked it even though they look bad they're doing it for the premiere do you think that i don't think that uh personally i actually do lean on kardashian doing that one just be only because of the timing of the new season right i think that they're um even though they look like bad totally but i think kim has just realized that and also knows that

she's done so much stupid shit in the past that like people are gonna watch anyway like it's not if she could do something so bad like i am so i'm so hard on taylor's side but like i'm still watching every episode of the kardashians like i'm not not gonna watch it wasn't a bad enough like i think it was bad enough to like bail on someone yeah exactly so i with the timing was weird i think it was bad enough to like bail on someone. Yeah, exactly. So I, with the timing was weird. I think it was definitely that. And then Kim said like, this is Kanye's private. Like Taylor get that.

Right. Right. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it all is super shady and it just, it's, I mean,

it's great for you guys though. Um, yeah, we needed something like that. We are now going to bring in our uh finale guests special guest surprise uh we'll keep the girls on for a little bit because i'm sure they won't i don't know what the special guest surprise is we've got chrissy d in the building christa stephan

chrissy quarantine what's up, everybody? How you doing, boo-boos? How we doing, little baby boo-boos? My little quarantine monkeys, my baby boo-boos. How's my bubby's cough? How's my little bubby's bronchitis? Yo, Chris DeStefano checked in on me more often than my own mother did when I was sick. Every single day.

How's the cough, boo-boo? How's the cough, baby? Did you really? He really did. What was sick. Every single day. How's the cough, boo-boo? How's the cough, baby? Did you really? He really did. What a guy. Feidelberg, why are you growing a Hitler mustache for the quarantine? It's an anti-Hitler. What are you talking about?

Don't fucking, you know, you're going full German? No, it's the fucking, this is how Feidelberg I am. I refuse to grow hair below my nose. It is quite a gap right here. Yeah, and solidarity with my people who aren't actually my people.

I didn't realize how weird it was until now. I know, me neither, Rhea. Now that I'm really looking at him, I'm disturbed. He said you're not fighting at all for quarantine, right? Yeah, I'm just letting it go. We'll see what happens. Yo, Feidelberg, I want to get in that gap. Yo, with that hair right now, kid, I'd let you.

Yo, I'm not getting a haircut till they find a cure. You did quarantine hair, right? Who was the winner? What did you give him? I gave this kid his name on Instagram as Pierogi Poppy. I guess he's one of our Polish brothers. And he just he looks so fucking wild his hair he had it he had it like in um like in a in a messy bun um and uh i just

thought and his face was just he was swollen he said he had got stung by a bee before that so it was all swollen so i just was like you know what this kid's the winner um but people are still doing it quarantine here i tried to do i tried to get another one to catch on uh called quarantine omelet like florentine omelet and that didn't work but but quarantine uh hair so if you want to send them send them post your quarantine here now is this quarantine hair or did you do this because this is this is maybe the best your hair has ever looked and you always have great hair. Bubbies, this is just me. This is me.

I took a shower this morning, and I'll tell you what this exactly is. This is me not running out of actual shower, running out of actual soap and shampoo, so I've washed my hair with my daughter's shampoo, our little ducky Johnson & Johnson shampoo, and this is what comes out. This shit is great, right? Yeah. It's awesome. I love that.

It's so soft. Yeah, dude. All right. We're going to chat it up with Chris for a little bit, but we thank you girls for coming on. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. See you later, ladies. Now, let's get real

fucking gay with it now. Yeah, let me guys let me guys ask you a question. It's a serious question. Now, I'm not. I know it's very easy to say I STD STD i have no there it can't be an std i'm clean i'm chrissy clean but i do have a pimple on the shaft of my penis oh no have you guys ever gotten that i've never gotten i've never gotten shaft i've gotten like inner thigh i've gotten like um maybe like borderline sack but i don't think I've ever hit the shaft with it. What about you?

KFC? Can you help me out? I've had on the sack, but not on the penis. That's a problem if it's on the shaft, right? Yeah, I think so. Because I got worried about mine, and it just turned out to be just a pimple. Are you sure yours is a pimple? I mean, it's got to be.

Does it though, Chris? Because you have more STDs than anybody I ever know so it doesn't have to be but I'm clean I'm clean test results clean from a month ago and didn't sell it but since well there you have it then you just got a dirty dick

one of those ones that's fucking hard as shit to pop to like you just squeeze it and yell it in the shower well the thing is that's the thing it's painless so i don't know you know what show me just take it out let me see no i'll say i'll send you pics i've taken some nice i've taken some nice hd pics i had a photographer come over yeah there's nothing else to do is it like the um you know what's his name fights nacho with the the pearl in his dick that dude's dead dick. That dude's dead as hell.

That dude's dead as hell. Yeah, yeah. He's big time dead. I forget his name. I don't think it's Nacho. No, I don't think it's Nacho. But you know what I mean. Is it like that?

That's like the kind of, no, it's small, babe. It's just a little baby one. Could it be the herp? It can't be the herp, right? No, no. You tell me, Chris. You would know better. No, herp's open. Herp's open wounds, right? No, no. You told me, Chris, you would know better. No, herp's open. Herp's open wounds.

It's not like pimples like that. Could be syphilis. Could be. Could be that. Dude, you know the time I had a buddy? Oh, look at those things. Paint you those nails, Papi. I'm transitioning. I'm going to be quarantined. I'm transitioning. Go ahead. Sorry. I had a buddy who thought he had syphilis, right? So we go out in Boston

one night and it all fucked up. Let me tell you a story had syphilis, right? So we go out in Boston one night and it all fucked up. Before you tell the story, syphilis is like – that's a bad one, right? Well, no, no. It's a Z-Pak too. Oh, I thought syphilis was like – don't you die from that back in the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before I had medication, you'd die from a cough back in the day.

Well, yeah. I just thought a syphilis is like – Syphilis is old school syphilis. I can't break up with the skin falling off. Anyway, go with your story. Go ahead. Yeah, so he had – before he'd come up to party he's from the cape before he'd come up he'd noticed a couple of fucking like red spots on the bottom of his foot and he gets all fucked up does a bunch

of coke and decides he's gonna he's gotta go to the hospital because he saw on the bottom of his feet he had a bunch of red dots but convinced it was syphilis so he goes to the hospital to get tested for syphilis right they're like they're like no dude it's a fucking athlete's foot but we can't let you leave because your heart's about to beat out of your fucking chest yeah don't check yourself into any medical spots or any law enforcement when you're fucking yeah he was on he's like his blood pressure was like 10 000 he's like yeah it's on cocaine though don't worry about it just let me go it made him stay like two nights there yeah believe it yo uh so we had a discussion

not too long ago talking about business and stuff is that out there or no we're not talking about that yeah no we can't talk not yet not yet okay just big things coming for chrissy d i wanted to i want to let the world know but just know that uh yeah chris i know it's i mean it's not huge but it's just it's a nice move for me and what we uh but we just um yeah we can't say because we haven't told you know we haven't told the people we need to tell yet so yeah just no i just wanted to make sure people know that chris chris di stefano's going to be an all-pro-hyper-sick attack. I just wanted to make sure people know that Chris DiStefano is going to be the biggest thing in comedy

in a couple years. I like that line that we haven't told the people who need to know yet. That's what you tell girlfriends on the way when you got a new girlfriend. You're like, look, we can't go public with this just yet. I haven't told the people who need to know about this. We're just waiting for this quarantine to lift and then we're going to be like listen the good

news is the quarantine's over the bad news is we're out of here how is uh how is quarantine it's been all right man i mean it's been like you know uh you know my daughter you know she was sick she had strep throat but now she's much better. So we decided, you know, rather than taking her back and forth to each apartment or just stay in one place, keep her by her mom's house. And it's been good, you know, come in, you know, see her with everything's been good here. She's much better now. The doctors actually told the pediatrician said last week that she probably my daughter probably had it. And it's just fuck. Yeah, but they couldn't test her.

But they were just like, yeah, I think she probably does, but we can't test her, so just stay isolated for 14 days. I think you're going to end up hearing a lot of that. I still think I, I mean, I got the test negative, but people said I was doing it, the thing went in my nose wrong, and I'm like, I had every fucking symptom. I think you're going to find out a lot of people had it and probably didn't even realize. Do you feel much better now yeah yeah I mean I'm you're

coughing so much less even just on Wednesday you're like Wednesday was a big cough day I mean I couldn't I couldn't go like two or three sentences without fucking coughing I feel bad for the listeners it was probably a terrible podcast but yeah I mean I'm I'm totally back to health now and I'mido, you have no symptoms? Fido Burke has nothing. Dude, I haven't gone outside. I locked myself down. And that's, honestly, it's not even because I'm scared of it, although I am,

to be clear. But I just... I was talking to my dad about it today. I don't want to get it and know I gave it to someone who then died. Right. When is actually the last physical time you went outside? I went out last Saturday. So almost a week now.

So a week you've been in there. Do you have a backyard to breathe fresh air? Fuck no. I mean, I've literally been in a in a one room. Right. Like your bedroom, your living room. That's it. Yeah.

No. You know what? Actually, I might have gone out to get wine Tuesday. Over the last two weeks, I haven't been further than across the street. Really? Wow.

You've probably been like two weeks. You've probably been outside a total of what? Like 10 minutes? Not even, I bet. Maybe about 10 minutes. Do you miss outside? Do you just want to go see what the corner looks like, or you don't care? No, I don't really care. Nice. Are you an outdoors guy, Chris?

I'm an outdoors guy, and the best part about where my kid's mom lives is she has a backyard, so we could just come. That's where I'm at right now, just right in the backyard. Can breathe the air, no problem. I'm an outdoors guy. The outdoors need to wow me though like i like going on mountains i like going to the like i like seeing the ocean i like seeing like i like seeing sights i don't just need air yeah when you walk outside you see fucking 35th street

it's like uh i mean gross whatever dude i have have guys been have people been like going on like tinder and like hooking up with girls and doing that have like have any of your fans said like yeah i have randos coming in so we did a poll on our instagram and said be honest we're not going to put your name out there if you have done it we just want to know the info have you hooked up with someone that you shouldn't be hooking up with and it was like 85 said like no they're following the rules i don't know if i believe that interesting i feel i don't know if yesterday I don't know if I believe that. Interesting. I feel, I don't know if yesterday,

I don't know if it was like a full moon or if it was just that it's been a certain amount of time, but I think yesterday was the horniest day in recorded history. Yeah. I think, I don't know why. It was just everywhere I looked on the internet, it was like this sign up for my only fans and this porn over here and this guy shooting a shot.

And like, it just seemed like the whole world was like, we need to fuck. Right. Right. Yeah. I, um, I, I, I just, I gotta be honest with you. Like I, it must've been three or four days ago. And this is, you know, not even trying to be funny. Nine times.

I jerked off. No. Yeah. Nine. That's a good number. Wow. Somebody on the balcony, somebody on the balcony just heard me say that.

And they walked inside their apartment. Like it was so funny. She literally just got it. Nine is a, I mean, you're a 30 something year old man now. That's not, you know,

when you're one thing, but I told you, I remember I told you about my Calpris gland and my sperm and how I work. Right? No, I don't think you did. I do a Chrissy Calpris gland. So what happened is, work right no i don't think you did i do a chrissy calpris gland so what happened is so what what's so what's going on with me i'm gonna google this

as you talk okay so the calpris gland calpris gland which makes sperm c-o-w-p-e-r-s my calpris gland i got a hyperactive calpris and i've had it since i'm a kid so what happens is it means like i can shoot glue like i'll shoot like a load glue, but then it takes a while to refill it again because it's so big. But as I've gotten older and the doctor said this was what happened to me when I was a teenager. As I've gotten older, you know, things shrink when you as you as you age, it's a normal aging process. My calprous glands getting smaller. So I'm still making glue, but it needs to be shot out quicker. So I'm actually more horny and get like more boners and come more as I'm still making glue, but it needs to be shot out quicker. So I'm actually more horny and, and, and get like more boners and come more as I'm getting older.

It's like, you went from having a fucking nine millimeter. Now you're out there with an AK just got to fucking off. They told me because they, this was enough of an issue as a teenager that you like discussed it with your doctor. No, what happened was cause I kept, I got like two or three different girls pregnant and they were all on birth control so what happened was super sperm right so they were like so when they checked it

they saw that i had so much sperm and then they did all these tests and they're like yes because you have this overactive calpris gland they saw it on an mri they're like it's huge so then so that's why and then the doctor explained to me like that it's very very rare but when they do see it it's like a guy remains a guy like me remains fertile to some sometimes in his 80s he can remain fertile into his 80s no possible this this is like you didn't just chop it off then and be like i'm done taking risks at this well now i probably well it's got a pimple on it i was between the stds the super sperm. I mean, that thing is literally a weapon of mass destruction.

God, my dick's had coronavirus since I've been born. It takes people out. For the folks who don't know, I mean, and I know you know this answer. How many inches is it? I would say I'm eight. I would say you're nine. I would say you're nine. I think you're being humble. Maybe nine.

Yeah, listen, I know. If we would have signed with Barstool, I was going to tweet out the pic of me with my nine-incher and the Barstool t-shirt on that I took last year, but now we can't do it. But maybe we'll do it if Dave comes to his senses that COVID fucks. Maybe fucking one day the world will get that picture. Yeah unleash it on the world yeah dude three times how old were you when you did those three um first girl was i think i was like 20 and then like 23 and like 26 again

and it just but i but i always knew like because girls would say they'd be like you have so much cum and i just be like yeah yeah, I don't know. Like, I thought it was normal. Like, I didn't talk about it. But I always knew. But here's the catch-22, though. I was a guy where I could do, you know, even at 19, 20 years old, when you, like, can have sex, like, 20 times, I could only ever do it once. I would do once, and then I couldn't do it again.

There would be, like, no feeling in it for, like, another two days. Two days? Oh, yeah. Like, an hour. No, no, no. Like like a day or two so i just couldn't write this down this is an ati question do you want to have like a super orgasm but you can't come for another day i mean this is like a science experiment so they told me the doctor told me he was like look you're the guy if a woman wants to have a family you're the guy you're good you have a high rate of getting pregnant but if you have you have a childbearing in your penis that's it i've tried you are a fucking handsome guy you're funny as shit you got charisma like

crazy you should be a sperm donor and tell the world like i got the best cum in the world well i did i donated my sperm because i had so much of it i did it and they said um they told me they were like because of you know my level of education because you know through graduate school and stuff they said they said that would be that i would probably be selected my sperm would most likely be selected a lot um and they said uh and and then they were like trying to say like because i was like white with blue eyes but they couldn't actually legally say that but they were skating around that they're like you know other things and i was like oh yeah i i know what it is and they're like you

have other features that women like i'm like oh like because i look aryan and even they want to hate fuck my sperm and um and uh, but, but because of that, they said it would be hot. They think they predicted it would be highly sought after. So I chose to not to be 100% anonymous. So you can see, you can see like my eye color, my height, my weight, my level of education, all these different things about me, but there's no actual picture of me and there's no, um, and, and there, I have no phone number. Yeah. Fuck that. You don't want anybody hitting you up so wait you mentioned a level of education you're christy you're dr christy right because yeah i'm uh yeah i'm christy doctorate and um i have a yeah my

doctorate degree in physical therapy which is wild because now with all this stuff like Governor Cuomo. Wait, am I back? I'm back. What did you get me? Am I back? I can't hear you. Hold on. Boom.

Okay, we're good? Yeah. Okay. Governor of New York, Governor Cuomo, he sent an email to everybody who's a retired health professional. He sent us emails and wants us to do our license, like renew our license again because of what's going on. So I may just fucking renew the physical therapy license, get back out there, start massaging nuts. In the world. Chrissy D, the fucking healthcare worker.

I love it Wait I can't hear you now We gotta wrap it up You are the fucking man That was an unbelievable finale there Thank you to everyone who joined For Friday Night Pints Thank you to all the fans

And most importantly Thank you to Pink Whitney And New Amsterdam Vodka We thank you guys so much And we'll be back next week for week 3 Thank you to Pink Whitney and New Amsterdam Vodka. We thank you guys so much, and we'll be back next week for week three. We'll get a whole new roster for you. Make sure you tweet us all your pictures from tonight, hashtag PinkPints, and let us know who you want for week three.

And Feidelberg, love you, babe. Love you, too. See you later. We'll see you in a couple months, but I'll see you next week. I'll see you Monday, maybe Sunday. See you tomorrow. Yeah, I'll too see you later we'll see you in a couple months but i'll see you next week i'll see you monday maybe sunday see you tomorrow yeah i'll talk to you later oh wait fuck are we still live yeah we got do we just talk about the show tomorrow or what we don't know if it's gonna be tomorrow yet okay all right well we got we got some shit in the works i alluded to it on instagram live we got got a game show idea that's going to be fucking awesome. So be ready

because if this works the way we think it's going to work, I think it's going to be literally our best idea ever. So just be ready. And guess what? We have some good ideas pretty often. This one's Kevin's and Kevin just fucking... This is Kevin's when, like I said to start the show, we'll bookend it

here with how I knew when I said that Taylor's week. I was like, she might respond to this. That was yours where I was like, smoked it. This is the one. It's a great idea. I love it. It's fucking awesome. We'll talk about it tomorrow probably.

We'll talk about it tomorrow. We might debut it tomorrow. We might debut it Sunday. Deal. See you guys then.