KFC Radio - Game Day, The Bigfoot Museum, and Andrea Savage

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

Answer The Internet: The Card Game is now available in the Barstool Store and Walmart.com. Go get it now! John wears size small underwear. He went to a Bigfoot museum inside a Mexican restaurant in Maine. He needs you to buy the game even though he didn't negotiate a cut of any of the sales. Kissing after oral sex, Dad rumors, quitting the Best Man position. Go buy ATI. Somehow we talk about nuclear bombs. Go get the card game now store.barstoolsports.com Andrea Savage returns to talk about her new podcast, Andrea Savage: A Grown-Up Woman #buttholes, I'm Sorry, how she juggles her husbands, and how many people John and Kevin have had sex with.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ah! That was not normal. Do you have sex again? Are you recording? Yes. John had sex again.

You hear him screaming and groaning. You gotta stop fucking, man. You know what you need? Like a designated sexer. You know, like you go fuck that guy instead. I'll tell you what. I'll be dead honest with you. I prefer that doesn't happen.

If it's totally up to me, no, I haven't sex with other people. It's not up to me nah I haven't sex with other people it's not up to me it is it is like 10 I have like 10% opinion on it like right

I don't have a ton of say in the matter but if I did say no I prefer what about what if you get on board with the sex robot train? Would you want her, like... What do you want, Kelly?

Are you recording? Yeah. Yeah, what? Well, no, now you interrupted. What? Come on in. Did you approve that thing that did Google about? Approved.

Approved what? Did you really read it? No, but I trust you. No, I absolutely did not read it. I trust you. What is it about? Fucking card games. I'll give you a quote right now. Oh, yeah, card games read it. I trust you. What is it about? Fucking card games. I'll give you a quote right now.

Oh, yeah, card games. I'll go buy that. I'll give you a quote right now. I'm not transcribing a quote for you. Why? I'm not getting a quote. Okay, fine. I don't care.

All right. If you had a... That's dang it. If she had a sex robot, would you do that? She was like, so let's say you're sitting on the couch, and you got like a lip in, and you're all fucking tired. Nope, two weeks. I've had one lip in the last three weeks. That's incredible.

When did you break down? Like two and a half weeks ago. Got it. It was one pouch. I didn't know why I did it. It doesn't even count. It doesn't count. I've almost been dip-free for a month.

That's crazy. That is crazy. Is it because of your girl? it. It doesn't even count. It doesn't count. I've almost been dip-free for a month. That's crazy. That is crazy. Is it because of your girl? No. Nothing to do with anything. It just happened accidentally. Yeah. Good for you.

Thanks. So let's say you're on the couch, and she's giving you the eyes, and she starts nibbling on your fucking ear, and stroking that big old nose of yours. She's like, let's go to bed. And you're like, just go fuck the robot. Would you do that? Yeah. Yeah.

I'd do that. I think she would too. I'd imagine when they really perfect these... Have you seen the clit sucking thing? What? This tweet went viral the other day because this girl tweeted out the reviews of this sex toy.

And it's a... It goes in. It's like shaped like a U kind of. What are you going to do here? I'm going to drink Robbie's iced tea. That's old. That's weird. It's from like a week ago. That's a weird move to just grab a week old bottle of iced tea that someone else

drank and drink it. That was like a Charlie Kelly move. Like see a bottle, drink it. Like I don't know, what's this? Oh, I'm thirsty. I'll drink it. There's water right in front move. Like, see a bottle, drink it. Like, I don't know, what's this? Oh, I'm thirsty, I'll drink it. There's water right in front of you. Yeah, but I don't know, I'm in the mood for something sweet. So, week old, unsweetened iced tea. Barslugold.com slash KFC.

You can see this is an outrageous looking iced tea. I mean, that could have been not even iced tea. I smelled it first. Also, if you're looking, behind me is the Moon Man hoodie on the mannequin here. So we have the Moon Man hoodie. We have a pocket T-shirt with the Moon Man where he's inside the pocket. And we have an embroidered Moon Man. I believe John's got the Viva hat.

I think we're also going to come out with a Moon Man hat. So the Moon Man is kind of now the official, unofficial, official logo of KFC Radio. So we're going to have a whole line of Moon Man stuff coming out. And honestly, it's not even really about the hat. It only took us a logo guys we finally got a logo instead of just a picture of us we got we got a real thing now but honestly it doesn't even like i feel like i would wear that like this it doesn't say case for radio you don't have to know it's a podcast it's just a cool fucking picture it's just like an astronaut. Space is awesome. Go get it. So this clip sucker. Oh, yeah.

Right. This thing, it like it has a hole that you fuck. And now he's just going to get the bottle of vodka. I mean, this man is a savage. Congrats on quitting the dip, but you're just still an animal. That's a lot of fucking vodka, too. Why don't you just drink it straight? A little New Amsterdam on the fucking... You want to take a bowl?

Yeah, why not? Let's take a bowl. I mean, rather than mix it up with weak old fucking iced tea. That's what I like about New Amsterdam. I'll tell you what, guys. I'm having a hell of a show. We're having a day. This is a fun fucking day.

We're having a fucking day. This show is off the rails. I'll tell you what. We haven't even done the ad read. We haven't. We're not doing ads this episode. Off the fucking rails. Fuck the rails. I'll tell you what, we haven't even done the ad read. We haven't. We're not doing ads this episode. Fuck the sponsors. No, we're going to do the ad read. It's a lot of money.

This thing, man. We'll be in so much trouble. Imagine just like this, right? I mean, it goes on your clit, and then this thing goes like... On my clit? That's what you got. You call it a dick? You got a clit. John like, on your clit, and then this thing goes, like... On my clit? You call that... That's what you got. You call a dick a dick, you got a clit.

John just got an oversized clit. And it just goes, like... So it, like, seals it and, like, sucks and pounds your clit. Yeah? I'm telling you, like, I've never been one of these guys who's, like, intimidated by sex toys, but we're getting a little silly here. I mean, rapid fire clit sucking. I'm not a clit guy anyway, though. What mean i don't get the clit the clit is the easiest thing to get i don't get it no are you one of these guys when it's like you can't find the clit no no no that doesn't make

any sense to me it's a button it's right there i'll find the fucking clit with my eyes closed it's easy yeah it's very easy to find i'll find the clit i don't have i don't get satisfaction from it well it's not yours yeah i know guess who does get satisfaction from it. Well, it's not yours. Yeah, I know. Guess who does get satisfaction from it? Her! You fucking selfish lover. But, like, there's, like... I don't get satisfaction from the clit. But there's, like, you can feel it, like...

I don't know. It just feels like you're doing nothing. It doesn't feel like you're doing anything with the clit. Like, even, like, when you're, like, eating a vagina, you can feel, like, the hole and you get... I don't know. The clit just doesn't turn me on. I have a question. When you're eating the vagina, are you eating the hole? you get, I don't know. The clit just doesn't turn me on. I have a question.

When you're eating the vagina, are you eating the hole? I do both. Because I think that's not the right way to do it. We go like a hole. You go like from, you know, bottom. I'll lick you from like the small of your back. I'll go from the lumbar to your clit. I'll go from L4, L5 to your belly button, babe.

I'm covering the whole thing. I don't even eat pussy. I just spit on people. It's just like your entire body I'm going to cover and spit. I go down on you. I start at your shoulders. I just spit on your armpits. Oh, my god almighty today's episode is brought to you by tommy john tommy john listen yo by the way before we get the average like my favorite guest ever is on today andrea savage in the fucking

house andrea savage uh she's gotten into the podcast game. Which is bullshit. We confronted her about that. And we, the thing, we came into that interview hostile as fuck. And she just came right back at us. She does some mind reading. She says butthole a lot. Talk about Mila Kunis' sex life.

I mean, we got a lot of clickbait out of this. She said some things. I was like, okay. Jon Hamm narrated her losing her virginity. Jon Hamm narrates her losing her virginity, and I'm pretty sure she was rendered speechless by his dick. I might be paraphrasing or inserting my own into that, but yeah, his dick was spoken about.

But Tommy John, listen, if you're about to go down on someone and spit on them and use sex toys and whatever, make sure you're wearing Tommy John. You're welcome, Tommy John. This is the kind of ad read you pay the big bucks for. Tommy John, we had a big debate in the office the other day. It wasn't even a debate. It was just making fun of Noah

and guys who wear boxers. If you haven't graduated to boxer briefs, you're still a child. And I say that with a little bit of reservation because I used to be a boxer guy and i am i'm proud of my opinions and my thoughts and my feelings and i always stand firm on them stubbornly so probably to a fault um but what i realized because i you know that boxer briefs are like sexier let's call it or just you know a little more uh manly and and mature

and they are if you're trying to be sexy. It's a lost cause for some of us, myself. But they're sexier than boxers. Thank you for not including me in that. Well, you too. So I actually remember I've said this many times. The reason I got into Barstool, Dave wrote a blog referencing his quote-unquote big game boxer briefs.

He's like, every guy knows when you're going on a big date or it's the third date or whatever, you're going to seal the deal, you put on your big game boxer briefs. He's like, everybody, every guy knows when you're going on a big date or it's the third date or whatever, you're going to seal the deal. You put on your big game boxer briefs. And I was like, fuck, that's what I do. I have a bunch of boxers. And then when I need to go in for the kill, I put on the boxer briefs. But I never stayed with the boxer briefs.

I stayed everyday boxers. That's crazy. Even though I knew boxer briefs are better, but I was more comfortable in boxers. Do you know what I learned? I learned I was just wearing the wrong size of boxer briefs. They were wildly uncomfortable to me. I was like, my dick is getting turtled. It's going in, and my ass is, like, smushed.

It's like, this is so uncomfortable. Well, it's because I have a fat ass, and I need an extra large. Can I tell you a secret right now? This is such a long ad read, but I always forget to look at sizes when I'm buying underwear. I just think underwear is one size fits all.

I have six pairs of small size underwear that I wear. No! Yes. I'll wear a pair tomorrow. No! I wear them like they're not no they're not like uh no small small i i mean i'm i'm not even being i'm not exaggerating like if i put on a large it's like i'm just trying to stuff my ass into these things and my dick is smushed i need to go xl because i'm like i'm large and everything like shirt sweatpants i'm always large so it's like large boxers but no my i have like i have the

ass of a black woman i need to fucking put my xls on small small i have a small i have six twice i've done it but i've bought two separate three packs of underwear that i forgot to look at the size and just bought smalls and i they're not like this is like you on your never-ending freudian quest to wear women's underwear like oh whoops i bought the wrong size i could just throw them in the garbage i guess i'll wear them anyway whoops i mean that thing must be like a thong on you it's really small holy shit now i mean like i would guess a small size underwear is like i don't know for 130 pound man. Yeah, it's like Vibs probably wears a medium.

I'm going to tell you something. This is going to be probably a strange thing to say, but like you have to wear them. You also have to like wear them. Like I have to see it. I need to see what a pair of small boxer briefs on your fucking dumpy ass looks like. Jiminy Cricket. Go to Tommy John. Get the right size boxer briefs, okay? Because

listen, we did, we had the, we polled all the girls in the office, and it was like, unanimous that you can't be wearing any old man boxers. You gotta have some tight, comfortable, sexy, mature boxer briefs. And right now you can get 20% off when you go to TommyJohn.com

slash KFC. Listen to the girls of the Barstool office. Listen to the girls of the world. Get yourself some soft Tommy John boxer briefs. TommyJohn.com slash KFC. I don't even know where to go. Anthony Savage is on the show. Answer the internet

is out! Go get it! We're already rich by the time. Right now we're poor. By the time you listen to this, we're rich. Yeah, everyone used to always make fun of us because they were like, oh,

you guys didn't even like get any money besides the boys. Well, guess what? Didn't renegotiate shit, baby. Nope. Not getting money off of this either.

Fuck y'all. You think we're here to get paid? Nope. Fuck that. We just want to do podcasts. We don't give a shit about retiring. I want to work for the rest of my fucking life. You think I want to get paid? No. Fuck that. We just want to do podcasts. We don't give a shit about retiring. I want to work for the rest of my fucking life. You think I want to get rich?

Nope. I want to struggle and scrap forever. Look, it's like method acting. Like, look, if we got rich, guess what? This podcast stinks because then we just have rich people problems. We're still poor, bitch. Kevin's house still floods. I'm in man.

You think I need money? Fuck out of here. I pay $10,000 a month for child support. What do I need money for? What good does money do me? I don't need that shit. I still got two roommates and combined our ages are almost 100. John's got a fake wall. He's got a

converted bedroom. Let's go! I'll tell you what. I know that you have come to peace, come to terms with the Saturday for the boys. And I've always said, you know, John is a remarkable man because, you know, it wasn't a great break. It was a great break, but it didn't pan out awesome. And you're so just like it is what it is about it. I'll tell you what. When this is a $10 million company, I don't know if I'm going to be the same.

I'm going to need to take some lessons from John. I think it's going to bother me. I think it's going to bother me a little bit. I don't know if I'm ever going to ever sleep again. I've created multiple multi-million dollar franchises and this weekend I took my girlfriend on a date that cost $9. John should legitimately be on a yacht

in the fucking Mediterranean with his girl. Instead he went to Maine to go to to a bigfoot museum she asked for a 25 keychain and i said let's get the 10 one that's a true story just because i'm yelling doesn't mean it's not true i'm really baring my soul during this show I'm extremely vulnerable right now I was like come on you don't really need a $25 keychain

listen if I was a billionaire I'm not buying you a $25 keychain what is that what does it do for you does it suck you a clit I can't

get a $25 keychain this is the best show we've ever done I don't know why we're fucking feeling it today it's great it's a great one. But yeah, seriously, Answer the Internet's out.

And I do believe it's going to be a $10 million company. And maybe we'll get like a $2,500 bonus. Nice. Super sweet. Super cool. Split four ways. Cool. Answer the Internet.

It's our labor of love. that's what artists say when they make something cool it's just a box of cards uh but yeah go get it it's available on barstool walmart amazon and spencer gifts i actually was uh i walked by a spencer gifts the other day really yeah i was at uh cross county that mall by me and i I saw Spencer Gifts. And, I mean, that place is just so preposterous. There's black lights and lava lamps and dildos. I used to go in there and just stare at dildos. I was like 13 years old. I just looked at dildos.

That's it. I'd look at Jenna Jameson poster and then just stare at dildos. I'm like, this is fucking amazing. Until you cum. Just standing there cumming in your pants. But you should go get... Again, I think we've kind of talked about it where it's like they're... It's not cool to like things.

No. Especially at Barstool, but anywhere in the world. It's not cool to be like passionate about something. This is it. You're going to love this. I promise you, you're going to love this. It's $1.04. I wish I never...

Buy it. You're going to love this. It's $1.04. I wish I never... Buy it. You're going to fucking love it. I wish I didn't ever really promote anything until right now. I wish I saved my cashed in right now because I really fucking mean it. The way I watch everyone

from Brandon Walker down to Ellie. Everybody's grabbing cards, playing the game on camera, off camera. They just want to play. Everything is sparking conversation and debate. The game that we played was actually funny. So maybe you can hear it.

I don't know if I can play it. So Alex from Merch was like, hey, do we have any clips of you guys playing the game? And Nick had sent one to the KFC radio group. And I'll be honest, Nick, I hadn't even watched that. I just saw a clip. I saw the screen grab, and I thought, okay, this is the video. And I was there. I played the game, so I don't need to watch it. So I just cut and pasted it, and I just sent it to Alex.

And Alex is, you know, she's a business person. She's not, like, part of the animals, you know. And so I sent it to her and then I played it. Would you rather your mom or daughter be a porn star? You know what I mean? You can think of daughter. I think it's the growing up part with your mom. It's like, oh, your mom didn't take that load in the asshole this time.

Your mom didn't take that load in the asshole this time? And so immediately I text Alex again being like, we can find another clip, don't worry. And she just said, oh no, LOL. Frankie Borelli coming in hot. Would you rather your mom or your daughter be a porn star? Well, I don't want my mom taking a load

in the asshole. The way he says the hole, too. You know, he really went all in. He hits hole hard. He he might load up jesus christ we're coming in hot this is absolutely the one to go subscribe barstoolgold.com slash kfc this is really the one yeah i don't know why uh but yeah we're gonna we also have a very funny clip of tyler saying he'd give up world peace for free lunch so uh it's really like i know a lot of people think of the answer the internet's only like the fucking like gross crazy vulgar questions but some of them

are just straight funny like clean thought provoking compelling questions so go get it we've done enough plugging um so go make it a 10 million dollar company so i want to kill myself because i said like i said i'm not gonna i promise i'll commit suicide if it's another one suicide pact if i get if i don't get rich again, I'll kill myself. Let's get into voicemails. Well, hang on. I got to tell you about the crypto zoo. I got to expand on this date I went on.

It was fucking amazing. It was so amazing. John went to Maine to go to fucking Bigfoot Zoo. Well, I went to Maine because we were supposed to be off this weekend. We were supposed to be in California this weekend. Oh, right. And it got canceled. So we had plans, and then it was just like, well, we got to do something else.

Boy, what a plan B that is. Yeah. We're going to go to wine country in California, and now let's go to the fucking Bigfoot Zoo in Maine. And then not have sex later because I'm too sore. Love her. I'm gonna love her. So this is actually a great piece

of advice I'm gonna give to everybody right now. I'm gonna look into the cameras to do this because it is that important. When you go somewhere, Google Maps Museum. It's the smartest thing I've ever done. Anytime you go somewhere, Google Maps Museum. It's the smartest thing I've ever done. Anytime you go to a town, whatever destination you're at, Google Maps Museum.

There's always, always, always, always going, as long as it's, you know, if you're in fucking some random ass town, maybe not. But if you're in like a place people go on vacation, there is always going to be a random museum in that town. And every single time, it's going to be a fucking blast. It's going to be so much fun. What was the last one you went to? The dog museum? The dog museum. And what was that one?

They asked you a question that was super sexually loaded. Remember that? Something about going down on a dog, and you looked at the camera like, I ain't doing that. It was very funny. John's museum excursions are always very funny on Instagram. Yeah, they are. It said, make the dog come. Oh, that's what it was.

Yeah, make this dog come. Leslie, wait on a second. They got to know what they're doing there, right? Yeah. This is going to be put on everyone's Instagram. It's going to get a lot of press. So we were in Portland, Maine, a great town, and we went to the Museum of Cryptozoology, which I still don't really know what it is. It's definitely like Bigfoot and Yetis and things like that.

But it was so awesome because it was inside of a Mexican restaurant. Now, when I tell you like there are random-ass museums, I mean there are museums inside fucking Mexican restaurants. Inside locally-sauced. You can get yourself a couple tacos and learn all about Bigfoot all in one shot. No, you can't learn anything. It's a terrible museum. They have no explanations for anything.

I'll tell you why. It's just a bunch of toys. Because it's a fucking museum dedicated to a fake creature. There is literally, like, one thing was a picture of a T. of toys because it's a museum dedicated to a fake creature there is there's literally like like like one one thing was it was a picture of a t is it just the picture over and over and over again it's all kind of in toys and stuff like that but one is just like the the denver bigfoot hoax of 1986 and it says that and then on a tv is a picture of Bigfoot and then there's a Bigfoot toy next to it and that's it

and I was like what was the hoax what are you talking about the Denver hoax of 86 or whatever it was explain it give me just a paragraph just give me a little bit more than a headline I don't know what you're talking about you know what we should do we should make an entire museum dedicated to Falcon the Balloon Boy.

Oh, sure. We should have balloons and falcons and wife swap. You make money. I spent $200 at this museum. And it could have been $215. But you went cheap on the keychain.

I bought a keychain and then the Yeah, I bought three t-shirts. So bought a keychain. And then the... Yeah, I bought three t-shirts. So maybe it wasn't $200. It was probably like $150. You and your girl are just going to be running around in Bigfoot gear. Oh, can everyone... I want to do this too. Can everyone go to... Let me open my Instagram story real quick.

We're going to break this poor bastard's website. We're going to flood this guy with traffic until he's like, What just happened? Oh, no. Okay okay we're good no fuck uh i think it's no i don't know what it's not on my instagram story anymore you can okay how do i do that oh god jess rose is so hot. So hot. Oh, hell yeah.

Okay, here it is. Squatchachusets.com. S-Q-U-A-T. No, I'm sorry. This is so confusing. Yeah, this is not a good url if you can't but also on the on the sign it's spelled differently than the url is you see that clean your shit up crypto zoo it's sq you on the sign and then sqa on the url squaw squaw is definitely s-Q-U-A yeah this is the real URL we're about to read it S-Q-A-U

T-C-H A-C-U-H I don't know I can't read it John will tweet it and you can click the link I want to break their website I want them to be like why the fuck are there 20,000 people on the why the fuck are there 20,000

people on the site today? Why are there 200,000 people? These things have to be a drug front. No, no, no. This guy is selling psychogenic drugs in Maine and he just rings up the register in Squassachusetts. The woman at the front desk was the highlight

of the place for me because this woman didn't like... She wasn't like, I need a job. I need to make $12 an hour. I'm going to apply. She was there for the love of the game. She like moved from California. She's like, I got to find where the cryptozoology museum is and I got to run the front desk there. She's a museum curator as far as she's concerned.

The first thing she said to me was, are you a believer? And I was like, listen, I'm a little hungover. I'm in a Mexican restaurant. What are you talking about? I'm supposed to be in California. You are the biggest plan B that has ever existed. Just give me a $35 keychain and let me go on my way. Let me go have sex with my girlfriend that I don't really want to have.

See you later. On a weekend. It was. Oh. That married life, John. Let's get into these voicemails. We got Andrea Savage coming up. We also got a Barstool Gold out right now as well.

KFC Radio Classic. Oh, yeah. And a new One Thing I Learned drop yesterday. Oh, boy. So definitely go sign up for Gold. We do so much fucking work. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Between how ridiculous the opening of the show was, an episode with Dan, one thing I learned, go sign up right now, you get your money's worth instantly. In a single second, yes. Voicemails are brought to you by Steve Madden. Stevie. Stevie, my boy, Steve. Uncle Stevie.

They've got the Jotter Boots, which is like a Chuck. Is it Chukka boots? Chukka? That's how I say it. Chukka boots. They've got the Proven boot, which is like a dressier boot. They've got the Harden boot, which you can rock with like your denim, your jeans for a casual but upscale look.

They got the Analyst shoe, which is not your average dress shoe. It's a modern upgrade. They got the Hightail boot, which is a must-have for the fall, along with the Chelsea boot. They have got every sort of boot, every sort of shoe, casual yet a little classier, comfortable yet high-scale for work, for play. They've got it all, everything you need for the fall and the winter. From Chelsea's to Chukka's, the entire wardrobe, they are comfortable.

They're versatile. They got quality materials. And they take modern designs and mix them with classic silhouettes. So everything is going to be trendy but classic, which is where I like to personally live. I can't be as fashion forward as John, but I like to still stay trendy. I like a little more of a classic look where I know what you're wearing is always going to play well. That's what I like. That plays. Yo, someone, speaking of

just that, always playing, someone tweeted a screenshot from Varsity Blues today. James Van Der Beek's outfit is outrageous. That's probably pretty fire. It is. It is.

It is the most insane thing I've ever seen. His jeans are huge. That 90s, that like the JNCO type of era. You know, it is... Honestly, I have to show you the picture because I'm not going to be able to do it justice right now. He is...

He like embodies all of the 90s right then and there. You know what I mean? Like the heartthrob, that movie, the look, the fit, the style, the girl, all of it. 90s is, if you could condense all of the 90s into two hours. I mean, look at Paul Rudd, Paul Walker in that. Look at the plaid button up that's way too big. The big baggy jeans and the backwards hat.

And you know what? It'll all come back around. That'll be in once again. I feel like we're already kind of there with some of the baggier jeans being the look now. No, no, no. No. I knew. What you see is so much crazier than what you can even picture.

I honestly. Is this real? Are you sure? And it's with the football jersey. So the sleeves go down to his fucking past his elbows. They're down to his wrist. His left arm, it's like his football jersey

is down to his wrist. We'll put this in gold too. There's a lot of gold material for the day. I'm going to show it to them too because everyone has to see this. That is, I mean, there's baggy jeans, then there's like JNCOs and then there's that. Those look like pants for like Andre the Giant that he just like ties around his waist. What a look.

I hope that comes back. I hope that we all have to dress like that soon one day. So go get your Steve Maddens right now. There's no, I don't know, just go to SteveMadden.com, get yourself a pair of boots, a pair of shoes, and everything you need to look smart, casual, classic look for the fall and winter. Voicemail number one, what's up? What's up, guys?

So, I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now, and I just kind of need a conversation. guys. So I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now and she won't kiss me unless I wipe my mouth after I go down on her, even if we're having sex. Definitely get that. But she says

that it's not any different in that if I don't kiss her after she gives me a head, she shouldn't have to kiss me after I give her a head. Kind of along the lines of, you know, me tasting my own cum is a little bit different than you tasting your own pussy. So I just kind of wanted to hear your thoughts on that. That's about it. I'll tell you something. You're both absolutely correct. It's double standard, though.

I mean, what she's saying is 100% true. I don't think so. I mean, it is. It is, but it's not. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It is, but it's absolutely at the same time it's 100% incorrect. In the year 2020,

I'm going to go ahead and cut these last two months off. We are in the year 2020. If you are a girl and you're having sex, you've got to taste your own pussy. People mixing up with fingers and tongues and kissing and stuff. You know what it is? I'll tell you what it is. I know what it is.

I'm right. I. I got it. I'm right. I'm right. I think I'm right. Go ahead. No, you go first now. Well, I want to be able to combat your... Well, no, I think we're probably going to be on the same page here in a way. The thing is, the vagina, the pussy, it kind of just keeps on coming the whole time, right?

God damn it. I fucking love this. Same. Yes. I fucking love the same fucking page. Same page. Sharing a brain here. If, if, if like, yeah, that's what it is.

I only come once. You're coming the whole time. Exactly. Your fluid is just going to be there from foreplay to the very end. From pissing. Like you wake up in the morning. Guess what? Your fucking vagina is already leaking.

It's crazy. They just have a hole that leaks. It's just open. It doesn't even, like, it should almost, you ever see a... That Brendan H. Yeah. Ready? It's going to get a lot worse for the producer, Ken.

You ever see, like, Planet Earth, where, like, there are those lizards that have, like, a cover over their eye? Like, there needs to be, like, a cover for the pussy. You know what I'm talking about? It's not an eyelid. It's just like a clear protective thing. Women are just... Just close that pussy up when it's not open for business. Women are a bottle that someone forgot to put the cap on.

Right. Except the bottle is at the bottom. The hole is at the bottom. Just leaking. Gravity the whole time. We're right. We're're right. We're right. We are so right. There are some hard and fast truths about the vagina that people are not willing to

admit to. If you are standing upright and gravity is still on the planet Earth and you get a little bit turned on, you're leaking. It's just falling out of you. Oh, you're leaking, bro. Call the ambulance. You're leaking. It's just liquid falling out of you.

Always. At all times. It's great. Don't get me wrong. That's why you guys got the nastiest underwear. At all times. It's great. Don't get me wrong. That's why you guys got the nastiest underwear in the whole world. It's so true. I absolutely love girls' thongs. I love them before they fucking wear them.

After you wear them, it's just a murder scene. It's a crime scene. It's like all weird colors. It ranges from red to brown to yellow. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's so bad. It's so bad. colors. It ranges from like red to brown to yellow. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's so bad. It's so bad.

Just leaves behind this like, leaves behind like silt, like in the Tigris and Euphrates River, the fertile crescent. The pussy is just the fertile crescent. There's just delta. Just silt to be left behind, bro. It's crazy. That whole thing. That's why you got to just get those clit sucking toys

you can handle it yourself because i don't know what's going on down there yeah sex the vagina is constantly open and constantly there and it's always just going to be part of of sex whereas like yeah if you had one moment where you like launched a gooey mess out of there, then yeah, I wouldn't make you do that. If a girl went down on you foreplay and then you didn't cum and came back up, would you kiss her? I also, I'll kiss you. I don't care. I'd rather not

have a mouthful of cum. It's well after the fact. Not even well after the fact. Have you swallowed it? It's gone? I'm well after the fact like if you like swallow have you swallowed it it's gone yeah i mean i'll probably i'm probably not gonna say no but the thing is that's that you know that obviously implies that i have just finished and usually when i finish my brain is not thinking about getting cum anywhere yeah i mean it's just yeah i guess it's just like yeah like i want to do some yeah i mean grow up everyone should get bottom line everyone should be adults here and get a little bit of your own cum in your mouth

whatever that's the big deal. Not a problem. But, yeah, I mean, there is. I ate some mango on the way over. I know what I was doing. It's their own brand. But, yeah, I mean, this is a double standard, but that's because we operate differently. There's no big finale with the pussy. Yeah, I mean, look, I wouldn't make you fucking drink a champagne glass of your own squirt.

Unless you're really down. I mean, if Adriana Cech wants to do it, that's her business, but I wouldn't make you do it. But I'll say this. It'll earn you some brownie points. Like, it'll earn you some points in bed. But so wouldn't the reverse be true? No, because I don't think that's hot. I don't think girls find guys eating their own cum hot.

True. I think guys find it sexy if, like, you know, you're swapping things around. We're so twisted. We're perverted. Well, what can you do? We're just speaking truths here. That's what we do. Next up.

Kevin, John, and the gang, quick question. Vernon Sparrow has been in the news lately. Oh, yeah. There's a book coming out about all the Me Too stuff. I think it's pretty obvious that his dad is Frank Sinatra, but there's always kind of that mystery around it. My question for you is, you could have one celebrity be somebody that's rumored to be your dad.

Not for money. Don't pick the richest guy, but somebody who kind of has that prestige about him and a little bit kind of a playboy or a badass. Who would you want out there to be? Oh, yeah. That guy Kevin's cool. That guy John's cool.

But, you know, I think his dad is blank. So, interested to hear your thoughts. See you, though. That's a great question. Great question. And Sinatra is, like, a great one. Sinatra is, I mean. He is a really good one.

The thing about this is you've got to think, like, age. You've got to age. It has to be the correct age I think down the road it would be a great one to say Leo DiCaprio but obviously he can't be I don't like Leo as much people do I'm not out on Leo I just don't think he's hot

and I don't think he's I like Leonardo DiCaprio I think he's a talented actor but I think that's where my intrigue with him ends. I think he's a very cool dude, minus the environment stuff. But obviously he's not all the time. I think that's a cool part of him. No, it's very annoying.

It's much like the Kanye God stuff. It's like, just shut the fuck up, man. You ever heard of Nate Bargatze? He has a bit about that. About Leo? Just about social media. And he's like, you know, you need to follow your celebrities and see all that. He's like, follow Leonardo DiCaprio.

I just want to see what that guy's life's like. Turns out he tweets nothing fun. Yeah, yeah. He's like, that's not what I signed up for. He's like, the other day, he goes, you know, every year we kill 100 million sharks. If you asked me, I would have never guessed there were 100 million sharks even alive. In the world, right? 100 to kill and there's still ones left over?

Like plenty? All right, man. What do you want from this tweet? I won't kill any sharks today. I mean, so you got to think, what? It's got to be like 60 years old for us, roughly. Let's say 60 and up. Derek Sanderson.

Goddamn, what an answer. Who's that? Old Bruins player who was like, he was like, mad man. Yeah, like, I mean, you could just pick an athlete for sure, but like Sinatra was like, he's all that is man. You know, like he is, he's that dude. Who? I think, I think Derek, I think you don't know who Derek Sanderson is because you're not from Boston.

Sanderson was the guy. But that's only going to be if I don't even know it. Right. For you, as long as you're satisfied with you. Kevin, let me tell you something about my career. You're always just, you want to be cool to a small group of people. That's it. There will be a small group of people who will be like,

that's fucking amazing that Derek Sanderson fights his dad. The long tail, whatever, right? That's it. Yeah. What is that? The long tail. It's like, you know, like if you look at like the bell curve, you know? There's like the big chunk of people under the big part of the bell curve.

But if the long tail, it's like a small, small small part but there's people who are like down to ride yeah that's what you want yeah you want those guys who like sanderson that guy's that guy sanderson's bastard he's a fucking legend i think it would be cool to be a bastard by the way as long as you like amount to something you're not like a loser bastard if you're like yeah i'm sinatra's bastard yeah it's very game of thrones made bastards kind of cool a sinatra bastard would be way up there i just don't know of like i just don't know of anybody in that right injury age range i got to give it some thought it's got you know an act an athlete an actor a, a politician. It'd be cool if JFK was your dad. Yeah, JFK's very cool. He's too old.

What about Rob Blagojevich? No. Why would he be a good dad? Well, it's just a story. He's not your dad. It's just like, yeah, that's my dad. Right. Ted Bundy!

I wish Ted Bundy was mine. Well, you know what's kind of good about that? That's a great story. It's like, hey, girls, you know how you kind of want to fuck Ted Bundyy but you don't want to get killed sup that's me i'm like him i am perfectly in your fucking range but i think i've given so many amazing answers to this question would you uh be like in your own head a little bit if you had murderer blood in you for sure yeah that's why kevin i'm in my own head all little bit if you had murderer blood in you for sure yeah that's why i'm in my

own head all day every day for no reason yeah i would just be like literally looking at like my veins being like that's murderer blood that's a lot of those fingerprints that's like that's like murderer fingerprints yeah this brain murder brain i'd probably just become a murderer yeah probably when i get caught i'd be like i'm ted bundy's kid of course i'm a murderer i've been living in my own head about this for fucking... I'm the Brawny Junior of murder. Of course I'm going to murder people. Give me a fucking break.

We wanted to play on the same team. Imagine that. We murdered together. My son's finally come of age. We're going to go tag team this next murder. Jesus Christ. Let's do one more voicemail, and then we'll get into things with Andrea Savage.

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Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. Try it out for free right now. What up, KFC? Fife, Super Producer VC. So basically, I was dating this girl for about a year and three months now. And we broke up. She broke up with me a couple weeks ago, said that we both need to work on a few things.

And I'm cool with that, just giving us like a couple months break. But my only thing is, can I trust her to stay committed to it and not start hooking up with other dudes? You know, while she said she wanted to work things out in a couple months. Thanks, guys. Viva. This kid has got to be 17 years old. Hang on a second. This is so far.

Is he asking us legitimate relationship advice? Like, can he trust his girlfriend? Is that what he's asking? I don't think this is legitimate. You think this is legitimate? Well, I mean, he's seeking legitimate relationship well yeah right but that's not what we do here well did your girlfriend fart in front of you that's the question right that's like that's what we do here can you trust your girlfriend and i have such other people i don't

know man no no probably not but but i mean i think uh under the guise of of a break that's the fakest thing in the world. I think also like we yeah, like you nailed that. Like we need to work on some things means you need to work. I'm not going to change a fucking thing, but you suck and I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm trying to softly break up with you. We need to work on things individually for a bit. It means you suck.

It means I'm fucking tired of your ass. I think the notion of a break is something that you think is real when you're in high school. I've never even considered a break. If you consider a quote-unquote break after the age of 19, you're a fucking R-word. Yeah. What is a break? What does that even mean? mean i mean the whole point of going on think about like what what really constitutes like what makes a relationship it's like the sexual activity when you really think about it it's like what's the great separator

between that and like a really close friend it's someone you fuck yeah right like yeah of course there's a deeper connection and and other expectations but you can do all of the same things that you do in a relationship with a and not have sex with them, and that's a friend. Taking a break from that just means like, I'm going to fuck something else. That's it. I mean, the only reason

you go on a break is I mean, legitimately, the only reason is because you still kind of like this person. You like some things about them. You still care for them and you don't want to hurt their feelings but you want to fuck something else the only reason you go on a break is because you're not sure if you'll be able to fuck something else right and you want to keep that in your back pocket that's it and then actually a lot of times maybe you do fuck something else and you get that out of your system and you want to go back to that

so you want to keep this on the line all a a break is, and in that sense, actually, I think breaks might eventually become a real thing in modern progressive society. I don't think we can handle it now. I could see a world like 250 years from now where it's like, hey, you go on a break and you fucking come back. You think the world's going to exist in 250 years?

I guess so. This world's got 100 years left max. Let's hope. I'm not even kidding. How do you think it's going to end? How do you think it's going to end? Good question. I was going to say,

I actually did a little callback to Leo. I think environmentally it is not going well at the moment. But the thing about it, like, I would probably nuclear war, though. We have way too many nuclear bombs to just not shoot them at each other. How about that theory that no nuclear bombs actually exist? I don't know. Yeah, it's like the idea is like that.

It's all kind of like a bluff, like, like, I'm going to launch my nukes at you. And you're like, well, I'm going to launch mine at you. And then we both don't do anything. But'm gonna launch my nukes at you and you're like well i'm gonna launch mine at you and then we both don't do anything but there's actually no nukes in the world i think the people of nagasaki i don't hate that i hiroshima would disagree but oh right yeah like they definitely exist i forgot about i do believe the conspiracy is like those are real but have you read some of the accounts oh yeah it's like eyeballs burning and skin people's like the skin just melting off them yeah not great yeah i just watched chernobyl nuclear bombs exist i don't like i'm embarrassed i even entertained that but uh i'm i don't understand how the environment just ends the planet eventually like there needs

to be an event like a meteor hits that's how the dinosaurs die like it's not There needs to be an event, like a meteor hits. That's how the dinosaurs die. It's not just going to be like, well, today the polar ice caps are really melting. It's pretty bad. And tomorrow, the world's over. Nah, man. That's not how things end in movies. That's not how they end in real life. Tom Brady's just going to get old.

That's how the Patriots end. Right, but that's what I mean. I don't think there's going to be a mass extinction event where it's like the day after tomorrow, all of a sudden everything floods and shit. It's like, I don't think that's – that doesn't happen. No. Oh, right, right. I thought you were saying you needed that.

No. Yeah, no, I agree. It's going to slowly end. Yeah, which is terrible. And I think we've already started that. Yeah, okay. That's it. I think it's going to be a nuclear war.

I think it's going to be a nuclear holocaust. Someone's going to launch the mass after – We have so many nukes. I'll tell you what. Why don't we do what? That happened the other day when all the stuff with the Kurds in Turkey happened. And people were like, just so you know, America, we have 50 nukes in Turkey. Why?

Why do we have 50 nukes in Turkey that are just susceptible to being taken right now? Yeah, you should probably keep tabs on those nukes. Nukes? You should keep them in your own country. Yeah, you should keep them on your first. You should not have nukes anywhere else but in your country. Yeah, agreed. Why do we have 50 nukes in Turkey? Just hanging out.

There's too many for us to not be shooting at people. Someone's going to launch them after thinking they were on a break. You fucked someone, we were on a break? Bam! Blow up the fucking world. How did we get onto nuclear bombs? This is the best fucking show in the world. It's so good. Nuclear bombs.

Breaks are fake. Breaks are fake. Especially if your girl says that to you. If a guy says that to you, it's very clear. I want to fuck another pussy. If a girl says that to you, that's the says that to you it's very clearly i want to fuck another pussy if a girl says that to you that's the worst it's like your dick is not getting it done i want another cock i don't think it has anything to do with penis but if it's a girl i think it's just all your personality everything else which is even worse like i just i want someone else to

tell me jokes yeah i want someone else to try to impress me with their humor you're not cutting it but hey in case i can't land it like i'd rather have a bad dick than bad jokes yeah probably and like and that's like especially if it's a girl it's like i still like when you like do things for me and buy me shit so let's go on a break oh you're just getting used pal no she's a fucking hoe and she's already laughing at someone else's jokes and banging their dick let's get into Andrea Savage. It's brought to you by DoorDash. Oh, yay. My people. My people.

DoorDash is the delivery service to be used. I feel like we perhaps have talked about other ones. No, no, no, no. DoorDash is where it's at. DoorDash is actually the OG in my mind. And maybe, you know, maybe I took a break. Oh, you took a break from DoorDash And now I'm back again Because breaks are not fucking real

That's a break No! I love that pencil Son of a bitch It's a perfectly sharpened pencil It was so perfect The tip is still good We have a box of them.

I'm so disheartened right now. Yeah, we can sharpen it another one. Whatever, dude. Whatever. Door dash. Go get door dash. Door dash is, I mean, they deliver everything you need. You never have to leave your couch.

When I get up in the morning on the weekends, I put on my barstool and door gears. It's funny. I sleep in my barstool and door gear, and then I wake up and I put on other barstool and door gear that's clean so that I can lounge. DoorDash will deliver everything you need to your house, to your office, so you don't have to go out in the rain. Restaurant quality food, fast food, all of that, but in your living room. Never have to leave the couch. Never have to take your eyes off the TV. Never have to run any errands. Never have to go outside in the cold or the hot. DoorDash does it for you. The delivery men bring leave the couch. You never have to take your eyes off the TV. You never have to run any errands. You never have to go outside in the cold or the hot. DoorDash does it for you.

The delivery men bring it to you. You get the text when the order is confirmed. You get the text when it's on the way. You get the text when they're at your door. They keep you up to date. And there's over – oh, my God. Oh, my God. How many restaurants do you think are on DoorDash?

30,000. 340,000 restaurants. What? I thought 30,000 was high. You know sometimes you guess a high number and you're like, shit, I ruined the bit. No, yeah. I was like, fuck, that was too high. That's how good the bit was is that it's still way higher than that.

In 3,300 cities. I didn't even know there was 3,000 cities in America. What? How many? 3,300 cities. That's too many cities. We gotta cut down. That's across the world. No, no. Just America.

Just America. 50 states and Canada. I get the Wendy's taco salad and chicken nuggets. That's my no carbs, by the way. Taco salad, chicken nuggets. I'm gonna Wendy's taco salad and chicken nuggets. That's my no carbs, by the way. Taco salad, chicken nuggets. I'm going to lose weight like a motherfucker on that. Chicken nuggets and taco salad.

That sounds nice. So I order the Wendy's every day. But you can get Cheesecake Factory. You can get the diner, everything you want. Go to DoorDash. Use the app and enter the promo code KFC at checkout. You can get $5 off your first order of $15 or more. That's $5 off your first order when you download the DoorDash app and enter promo code KFC at checkout.

Andrea Savage, the love of my life. Let's talk. What's going on? What is happening? Let's go. I was just saying last time when I walked out of the elevator, I just remember walking out. Oh, great.

So you just have these here to make it look good. We're going to teach you how to podcast. Just pipe down. Who are you now? You have prop earphones. We have voicemails sometimes that we listen to. I heard there's a bar. There is a bar.

Yeah, you want a drink? No, I don't. But I just am like, what happened to when I had to throw my coat on the ground? Yeah. Now you get sort of a chair. Yeah, it's like now my stuff's on a chair. That office was us selling out. Our first office, we were an internet company, and we used to lose internet regularly because

squirrels would eat our wires. We had squirrels that just lived in the building that would just like crawl amongst the tables and stuff like that. I liked you better back then. Yeah, me too. I liked myself better back then. You guys are now just like kind of entitled.

Get out of here. The second I walked in here, I was like, something's changed. I was like, who are you again? Yeah. Well, speaking of entitled, you got a squad with you now. Or you have at least one person. I have one person. That is true. Last time, I just like, the doors opened.

I was in some sort of bullpen of people who were 14. And I was like, there's no sign. I don't know where the fuck I'm supposed to be. You brought back up this time. In case anything happens, there'll be a witness to the murder. I don't feel safe. That was my take on it. Don't say that.

No, no. Hashtag me too. Female cast at Marshall Sports feels unsafe. I did not feel safe. Honestly, I don't blame you. You probably shouldn't have. You weren't safe. It was a weird place.

You shouldn't have felt safe. If you did, we didn't portray our office well enough. When I leave, I want you not to feel safe. I got a major problem with you. Huge problem with you. Stay in your fucking lane, Savage. This is rare. We're doing a podcast for it.

Get back on the big screen. Get out of here. This is for the poor people. This is rare. What are you doing a podcast for? Get back on the big screen. Get out of here. This is for the poor people. This is for the people who are grinding. We had it good for so long when people who aren't talented were podcasting.

Yes. And people were like, oh, these guys are pretty funny. Like, no, we're fucking idiots. Now we got you celebrities that start a podcast and that was ruining our game. Listen, you had a good run.

Yeah. And let's let the big kids come. You know what this is? No, it's, no, first of all, I'm embarrassed when I tell people I have a podcast. You should be. That's so embarrassing. You get that? Yes.

Well, one, well, not for the same reasons you guys are embarrassed. But I'm embarrassed because I'm like, there's so many. Like, especially, and people are like, well, what is it? And I'm like, it's kind of a celebrity chat. And they're like, oh, God. And I'm like, I promise it's going to be different and it's going to be fun. Than the other 50,000 that exist. Exactly.

It definitely is a little like... I remember when I went to your page. I listened to the first episode. It's very good. I don't love any of that weird fake. What? I just went to your website. I listened to the first episode.

It was very good. It was very good. It's really fucking good. Your voice gets high. It's really good. It was very good. It's really fucking good. Your voice gets high. It's really good. Also, your voice isn't bad. Really? So I have a screechy.

No, I disagree. It's not made for a podcast. I disagree with that. I find your voice to be grating. Yeah, me too. It's kind of annoying. I think that's everyone has that in their head. You have a lovely voice.

Thank you. But I went to the page and like first episode, Mila Kunis. I was like, fuck off. That's annoying. This is bullshit. That's annoying. We didn't get a guest for fucking eight years. I think it was you and Hawaii on the phone.

I think you were like our first guest ever. By the way, remember when we talked in Hawaii? Yeah. I don't know why you did that. You were fucking easy. I don't know why I did that either. You're like, I'm going to go back to the beautiful beach now. Yeah.

Fuck you weirdos. Yeah. And it was like a, I don't even know what it was, like a 20-hour time difference? I think it was like a 26-hour time difference. Is that possible to be a day and two hours ahead? I think because you guys had you wrote me like a very nice, like

legitimate, like we are legitimate fans of the show and whatever you wrote in there. We were pandering. But it worked because you were you actually did clearly know the show. We love it and then you're like like, what part do you love? Right, right, right. No, you see, yeah. No, we were probably the original fans.

I feel like you guys might be the OGs. We were the first two. I've actually. I'm not crazy. My mother's out there. There's other people. I've become a bigger fan even because I think since we last talked to you, I don't think it was on Netflix yet.

No. So it's actually, I've always had my thing has always been like, you know, at night I put a show on. I kind of turn over and just close my eyes and let it tell me a story. A show I know. Do I put you to bed? You put me to bed pretty often now. Well, well, well. I'm sorry.

Well, well, well. I'm sorry is in the mix of The Office, Parks and Rec, Always Sunny. Those are big names. Holy shit. New Girl, and I'm sorry are like one of those five shows that will pop on. Guys, well. I'm Sorry is in the mix of The Office, Parks and Rec, Always Sunny. Those are big names. Holy shit. New Girl, and I'm Sorry are like one of those five shows that will pop on. Guys, boom. I tell myself today, everyone. Big time.

Netflix is such a monster. So please cancel your podcast now. Yeah. Again, you've stuck in green. I'm pretty sure my podcast is not crossing over too much with your demo. I don't think so. Are you surprised? Get Dax Shepard to cancel his.

He's the fucking biggest jerk. Well, Mila in my first episode kills off Dax for a while there. So, you know, we'll see if she falls through. Speaking of killing off Dax, what's the problem with marry, fuck, kill? Because you don't change it very much. I know. I don't know why. I just got sick of saying fuck, marry, kill.

It just seemed like a little cliche. So I gave it my own Mary Murder Make Love. Oh, you said make love with those Mary have sex with me. No, it was Mary Murder Make Love. That does change the game, because I don't know what I want to make love. That's a different thing than Mary Fuck Kill. Depends who the choices are. You're goddamn right. Rich Eisen

is coming up soon. He had to choose that with some patriots. I thought you were going to include Rich Eisen in yours. No, and he takes it very seriously. I thought you were going to include Rich Eisen in yours. No. God, no. No, but I make the men choose men, the women.

It's like, it's a... Those are the funnest when we do it with cereals and TV shows. I think doing Married, Fuck, Kill with three attractive women is stupid. Oh, of course.

I want to do it. I'll do it with three hot guys. I'll do it with three news stories. I'll do it with three news stories. I'll do it with that. I'll be like, oh, who is it? Like, Emrata or whatever the Instagram people are. It doesn't matter. There's no difference there.

There's nothing different. Joey King had to make love and murder and marry own characters. I know it is hard. It's not great. Her own characters. So one of them was Ramona Quimby at five. Wait, didn't we do this with you? Oh, yes, we did do this with you.

You stole this from us. You fucking asshole. And there it goes. It wasn't my own character. There's no crossover. You don't have to worry about it. It was. No, because I remember.

The stepbrothers. I'm sorry. No, it was Pete. No, you didn't do me. And Selena Meyer and Veep. Yes. I don't think I did. Yes. Let's play the tape, I think I did. Yes.

Let's play the tape. I think I did something because I remember choosing having sex with Caitlin. Oh yeah. That was, I think it was, I don't think we did both. So I think we did fuck, marry,

kill with friends of like other, it was like Pam from the office. Yeah, I think you're right. You know what? I think it happened. I'm really remembering this now. I think we did the characters and you were like, I don't want to fucking do that.

And then we made up another one. I've never said I don't want to do something. I swear to God. We're going to run the tape. I know I'm right on this. I don't know. That was like a year ago. I don't even know who that was.

I will issue a formal public apology. I will issue such an apology. It's better. You won't even. How is the podcast going? Yeah, you don't want, you reluctantly do. Yeah. How bad is it having to ask for subscriptions and stuff

like that? Subscribers? It's you know, it's not great. He yells at us every episode. I hate being like, guys, can you subscribe? It's like begging on the street. Yeah, it's not great. Apparently it works though. Apparently it supposedly works. I don't know. I'm only

two weeks in. You're only two weeks in You've done five episodes? We've done Working too hard This was the third The two came out the first week Mila and Chris Hardwick Then Jon Hamm

And then Joey King Listen I have worked in this business A long time So I'm calling some favors I'm cashing all my chips Our actual first guest Was a His claim to fame Was that he was on Nickelodeon Guts That was the level some favors in. I'm cashing all my chips. Our actual first guest was a

his claim to fame was that he was on Nickelodeon Guts. That was the level we were at on our first guest. I'm sure he was lovely. He was a pretty good guest. He won a piece of the aggro crag. So actually until you have someone who has the aggro crag on, fuck off. But Jon Hamm, pretty decent. He's fine. Jon Hamm reads my

you haven't listened to it yet so you wouldn't know this but there is something you know that it's very hard to embarrass me. He does something on the podcast that I'm still recovering from. Did he show you his dick? Because that's what would make me fall over. That thing is ridiculous. I feel like I could handle that. I'd take that in.

Here's our clickbait, by the way, when we put this out. Andrew Savage says you can handle Jon Hamm's dick. No, no, no, no. We're going viral, baby. No, no, no. We're going viral, baby. Oh, God, no. No, Jon Hamm, I mentioned that I just moved and I'd found all these old journals of mine. I'm like, I just read this entry of mine for the day after I had sex for the first time. And the journal was right next to me.

And I was like, yeah. And I held it. And he was like, is that the journal? I was like, yeah. And he was like, let me read it. Like a dramatic reading? Wow. He did a reading of my very earnest description description of losing my virginity get out of

it is the most embarrassing it starts with me going well i guess i'm not a virgin anymore i would i would have it's amazing you're still alive in here i would have killed myself i honestly was it's the most embarrassed i have ever been the first time when it happened in the room and I was like damn you know that we're no longer friends now because I can never look at you you had to bring it up you had to be like hey look at these girls it naturally came up about

something and then I edit them I could have cut it out I sat under my kitchen table with my headphones on so embarrassed that I slid under my table. But it's so funny. You have to put it out. That I was like, I don't give a shit if I look stupid.

I think you put it either on your Instagram or your Twitter. There's definitely a picture of him sitting. With my mother? Crisscross applesauce. Oh, yeah, yeah. With a book open. That's the journal. Is that how he's sitting there reading it?

The book is the journal. Is that how he's sitting there reading it? The book is the journal. He's crisscross applesauce in my home in a gravitas voice replacing any names with his own. And there are some statements that are the most embarrassing. Like it's literally like your worst nightmare. Yeah, I mean. But it is really funny. We have cut, I don't know, maybe like two things in 10 years because I feel like I'm just like a slave to it being funny. Of course.

Me too. But that would have been under heavy consideration. It would have. If not, even in my horror embarrassment, I was like, it was making me laugh. So it's in there. So if you listen to Jon Hamm on for other reasons as well, but it is pretty fucking fun. That's one of the better podcast promo. Yeah.

That might beat Jon Hamm. So you just have all your journals laying around? No. Have you kept a journal forever? No. Don't say no. What do you mean no? I just said that I just moved and I found a box of them.

I missed that part. Okay, I'm sorry. But they still exist. You carry them around from home to home. Yes, from home to home. Yeah, I had found all my yearbooks and I found all my high school journals. Are you a journaler? Do you journal now?

I'd like to because I will say reading my high school, I have from like ninth grade to twelfth grade. And I wrote a lot, like almost every day. It's fascinating. And I'm like, I would love, I feel like I've done so much stuff. Like even if I just chronicled like work stuff, I'm like I have love I feel like I've done so much stuff like even if I just chronicled like work stuff I'm like I have all these stories that I don't remember anymore

no I know from like my first job I've thought about that what happened on the I remember stepbrothers like some crazy stuff happened what is it again I mean I forget shit

from like week to week let alone year to year I've started carrying like a small not a journal but like a notebook just like jot things down I jot down

and everyone's like oh you're doing the Larry David like Larry David doesn't have notebooks he doesn't fucking own notebooks not for him like I keep like a small, not a journal, but like a notebook, just like jot things down. I jot down. And everyone's like, oh, you're doing the Larry David. Like Larry David doesn't have notebooks. He doesn't fucking own notebooks. Not for him. Like I keep like a notebook in my back pocket, but I just got a book. I do it in my notes on my phone. I see.

I don't, I have to actually write it. I don't, I do like shorthand and then I don't remember what it means. Yeah. You know, I like, it's like, you know, like horse story. I'm like, I don't fucking remember the horse story. I'm not sure. That's when you made the horse. But I just got a. It was my horse story. I'm like, what? I don't remember the horse story. I'm not sure. That's when you made the two of us. That was my first time.

A coffee table book of David Sedaris. He keeps journal journals, and he also decorates them. It's actually really weird. He's very artistic. He finds trash and decorates them with trash. The coffee table book is just pictures of his journals. It's so cool. And I'm like, I should do this.

I should do this. This would be awesome one day. I'm never going to do it. I'll tell you my other reason why I don't journal. Because I do once in a while, but it's only in crisis. So if you looked at my journal, I've had the same journal for, I would say, five years. If you read entry to entry, it is like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Because there will be three years in between.

Yeah, nobody's – but it is – Journaling when it's just like – In full panic. Had a great day. Like what is happening? I don't know. I'm falling apart. And every entry sounds crazy even though my day-to-day, I am very calm and together.

But it sounds crazy. I feel like people read journals. I feel like nobody sees a journal and doesn't fucking pick it up and read it. Oh, it's like, because you might find, you know, a story the first time you had sex or something. It's very juicy. Juicy.

And then I sit there and I go, if I'm going to sit there and really talk about, like, my husband or, like, things with my daughter or whatever that are, like, real, I can't write them knowing that there's a world where either one of them would read it.

Yeah. Right? Like, I just can't be fully honest. Well, I feel like you're not fairly. You're very honest with, like, the show is basically your life with an exaggerated sense. Of course, but it's curated. It's exaggerated. It's not like

my husband reading, like, something. Like, sometimes I think about, you know, leaving marriage. Like, what? You know, like, stuff like that. I'm all tangled. I think that the podcast is kind of like our journal in a way. Yeah, I think so. Were you worried about that?

There was a thing where you said with Mila where you're like, oh, I think Mila was talking about her brother's ex-girlfriend. I was like, oh, someone's going to hear this and get a text. Are you worried about doing like something? No. Because the show almost provides a firewall. It does. Where you're like, it's a joke. Yeah, yeah.

This is the real deal. The podcast, you're kind of like actually complaining sometimes. I will say it doesn't make me nervous about that. I do get a little nervous because even though I am very open about stuff, I'm actually a very private person about the things that are really private to me. And I am like, doing a podcast, you have to be really open and really vulnerable and kind of let all that go. And I also worry, because I am an actor,

like, does this pull the curtain down too much? Like, and people get to know me too much. So I'm a little... Yeah, like Kevin Spacey was famously like that. Yeah, well, Kevin Spacey and I have so many... I mean, I'm dead serious. He was like, I never wanted people to know about me outside because then you can't see my character.

A lot of actors say that. Also hiding. Yeah, no, he and I have a lot in common. There's that. And then I also have molested quite a few younger men. Boys, really. And so he and I have a lot in common. You can read it in my journal, huh?

Yeah, you can read it in my journal. I'll give you the dates. It's a couple journals. It spanned a couple decades. I feel like we – You're doing what God's doing, huh? I think like when I'm on the podcast, I'm like 90%, 95% open. So then like leave me alone for the last 5%.

That's kind of how I feel. But I feel like people almost think the opposite where they're like, well, this guy – here at Barstool, there are people who like kind of play a character or keep it private and there's guys like us who are very open and it's like if you give, they want more and take more and it's like I tell you almost everything. Can you please let this one thing be private? So what kind of stuff are you trying to keep

to yourself? I'm kidding. You said people want more and then I asked for more. I get it. I shouldn't have stopped you because I feel like maybe you were about to. It was coming. Yeah. I'm like that with like – I'm kind of the same way.

But I do like my mom and like my sisters and like my girlfriend. I keep that like names and pictures private. Me too. I don't post anything about my daughter. I don't talk about her. I don't – or any of my husband or anything. I keep that very private. Speaking of the husband, you had mentioned him a few times.

I think it was me who mentioned he was friends with him. So I was like, who is Andrew's husband? I googled Andrew Savage's husband. He's not even on the first page. It's all Tom Everett Scott. Yeah, he's my real husband. Jeremy's just my fake life husband. I feel like we're in the Matrix

and it's like, which is real, which is not. Not even first page, though. I get like if it was three things down. I will tell you, he and I have not idea it's not even for a stage though I mean I get like if it was like three things down I will tell you he and I have not been photographed a bunch together purposely

we don't I don't say for privacy reasons just to keep it private and his last name and my daughter's last name like I try to keep stuff private

is he cool with like the stories being told though yeah and I don't put anything on that he's not cool with do you run it by him or are you just like

he would be some stuff I know but if there's anything that I am a little bit like. Do you run it by him or are you just like he would be? Some stuff I know but if there's anything that I am a little bit like is this I run it by him. I'm not here to take people down. No. I think there's a couple things that were just before I even started like that's off the table.

Yep. Great. Like what? I'm not falling for what you almost just fell for. Yeah. How dare you um podcast trick there for you um it worked well i i feel like i'm i'm prone to like if you ask me i'll just say yes but if you didn't i would i would be mad if you put that in there but if you said to me can i put it in there i'm not gonna say no yeah and honestly he i really am trying to think of very little like he is very cool with it i also not doing anything.

I mean, the relationship on the show is, like, the best marriage that's ever been. Right. So he's coming off looking pretty fucking good. I feel like there's a lot of couples. Except for the fact that you make fun of him for not being funny all the time. Well, get funnier. Both Jeremy and Tom. Both of them could take that

you were talking about with Mila speaking of being open and cool and everything you do numbers, huh? do you talk about numbers? capital N number I thought you meant some sort of astrologers I don't know numbers

I've always said that, I'm scared of that I don't want to know that your number's not like My number's not crazy. Well, you said you have a good number. I'll tell you my number when it's good. When it's bad, you don't want to tell me your number. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I feel like it's been so long since I had to worry about anyone asking my numbers

or caring about my numbers. I was surprised when you and Mila were like that. I was like, oh, they're just throwing numbers. Yeah, there's a very open podcast. Mila Kunis will tell you how many people she has eggs with. That's on the podcast. Yeah, her numbers a very open podcast. Mila Kunis will tell you how many people John's ex was. It was on the podcast. Her numbers were very respectable, I feel like. Like, not so small that you're like, that's weird. Well, that's always, you want it in a good spot.

For a woman who's in control of her life and has lived a little, but not so high that you're like, all right, you had a couple years of maybe some self-esteem issues or whatever. We had a call famously on this show. This girl called in and was like, I went through a little bit of a slutty phase. Which, by the way, fine. But she was like, for the last seven years, I was like, okay, you're just a slut.

Again, that's also fine, but that's not a phase. But that's not a phase. You just like to have a lot of anonymous sex with people that you're not super close to. To each their own. Which, by the way, to each their own. And I hate to use the slut word because I think it's just, but yes, own

that that is your lifestyle at that point. That's just how far we go. So what are your numbers? I mean, I don't talk about it. Why? A gentleman never asks and a lady never tells. By the way, around these parts, a lot of people will tell. So it's like a crazy high number? No, but I also don't know it. No. I actually, around these parts, a lot of people will tell you. So it's like a crazy high number? No. No, but I also don't know it.

No. I actually, to be honest, I'm not sure. I don't know the exact. I get it. It really is not. You are skewed in this world. But how old are you? I'm 31.

Okay, so I feel like you've been having sex for, what, 15 years maybe? Yeah, I was 18, I think. Six years? Six years? Yeah, that's the thing. As you get older, it's like, if you had sex with a couple people per year and you're older, your numbers are going to be... Your numbers are going to be somewhat...

Yeah, I mean, my cutoff, I got married or I met my husband. We started dating, I think I was 31. So like, that's right there. But my number is definitely lower than this animal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I can tell. He's got that, like, I'm trying to be cool, but I have the swagger of a lot of numbers.

Like, it's that kind of thing. And now he's drinking, now he's turning red. Yeah. Now, the red face is a guy who doesn't do numbers, but before that, it's a guy who does numbers. He does numbers. He's done some numbers. I feel like your number, you were married, right?

Yes. Okay. How old were you when you got married? I was like 20, how old was I? Third? I don't even know. It was 2014. Or when you started dating your wife.

Ex-wife, right? So that was like, yeah, 2010-ish. 2010. So how old were you at that age? 26. Let's say 26. Okay, so 26. So, and then how long have you been single now?

Like a year. Okay. I'm going to give you 10 been single now? Like a year. Okay. I'm going to give you 10 in the past year. And then, I feel like you probably came out hot. That's Chris Kyle stuff. I feel like you probably came out hot. You know, you've been in a long-term relationship. You've been throwing it around a little.

So I'm going to give you 10 there. And then to 26, how old were you when you had sex for the first time? 16. Oh, you had a solid 10 years in there. But I was like a girlfriend guy. Okay. So I'm going to give, I'm going to say you're around,

I could be so off, but this is my guess. I think you're around 32. That's Andrew Savage's guess. I'm going to say that's the low end. I'm going to say 32 to 46. That's my range. Oh, I think you went the wrong way with it.

Really? I went the wrong way? So your face gave me a, your face gave me something where I was like, oh, I think you went the wrong way with it. Really? I went the wrong way? So your face gave me a... Your face gave me something where I was like, oh, I've underestimated. No. Okay, now I'm sticking with 32. You're a proper estimate. Great.

Proper, proper... Guys, I've been given a gift. And if I do the math, I have a gift I didn't know I had of being able to calculate based on single and based on was I right on the 10 in the past year? That was pretty... Next topic! That the past year? That was pretty, no, next topic, that was next topic,

that was next topic. I'm not, you know, back to your stupid podcast. We're on Netflix now. Andrew Savage, a grown up woman, hashtag butthole.

This is the kind of stuff I will get out of you. Do you make everyone say buttholes before? Yes, everyone says my name is blank and this is how I say buttholes before? Yes. Everyone says my name is blank and this is how I say buttholes. It's a great intro. I love it. I think the word buttholes is hilarious because it's immature

and it makes you smile. I say it so often that it's my autocorrect on buttholes. If I put B-E-T it's just like buttholes? Mine's assholes buttholes. See, assholes to me isn't adorable. No, it's not.

Because my whole thing is people think that they have to grow up and get super serious, not be dirty, not be sexual, blah, blah, blah. And you don't have to. You can be a grown person, have a relationship, have a kid, do whatever, and still be funny and loose and all this stuff. And so it's the juxtaposition of a grown person saying buttholes. You immediately have to loosen up. Loosen up that butthole.

Loosen up that butthole. And then I was like, what should I? And I haven't really thought about this but someone asked me the other day. They were like, so what are your followers called? And I was like, are they called buttholes? I think so. I think they might have to be. So like, do I have to be like, be loud, be proud, be a butthole? I think you've thought about this all through and I like so. I think they might have to be. Yeah, I think they are. So do I have to be like, be loud, be proud, be a butthole?

I think you've thought about this all through, and I like it all. Maybe, perhaps. Are we workshopping right now? No, I literally was talking about it with Jennifer, my assistant, because she was like, someone asked, and I was like, huh. I don't know if I want them to be called buttholes, but I guess they have to be. Well, ours are called stoolies, which is like this thing.

Andrew Schultz has the asshole army is his thing. Right. Who? Andrew Schultz. He has a pretty big podcast. And you have to throw up your asshole for the pictures. Okay. I feel like that's different.

Yeah, it is. But I didn't know when I did their podcast that was what was going on. I thought they were just kind of throwing it up. Right. I thought they were doing okay. Or white power which is one of the other but you know

their whole thing is like you gotta have a tight asshole and I didn't know that so I was just like doing my picture like this I was like you sons of bitches just let me do that

like I'm just sitting here with a big old asshole I have a gaping asshole on this podcast apparently gotta let me know these things I respect that throwing out the G gaping? yeah this podcast, apparently. Gotta let me know these things. I respect that. Throwing out the G. Gaping? Yeah. Is that crazy? Yep.

Why? I don't personally think it's crazy. We say that around here all the time. Oh, you say it. We do, but like... Why do I feel like you probably say it in a weird, gross way? Is there a nice way? We're talking about assholes that are open. I don't know. I feel like the way I said it was cute. Gaping. I don't know. Gap like the way I said it was cute. Gaping.

I don't know. Gaping butthole. If you say it like that. Throw a shoulder. So obnoxious. What's it like having Netflix money? I don't know

because I have true TV money that then just gets sold to Netflix and then I don't. It doesn't trickle down really. But that's so huge. I know we talked

about true TV and I'm sure they do a great job, but when people think it's a Netflix show, quote unquote, versus a TruTV show, that's a huge difference. Which is crazy because in this day and age, we should have learned. I think Breaking Bad was the first show we learned that channels have to be.

But it does because there's still certain reputations attached to bigger show channels. So now people are just trained to go to at least an Amazon or a Hulu or a Netflix and find the replay of whatever your show was and what was frustrating on TruTV. That I love TruTV. I really do. They've been so fantastic. I think TruTV, I think they only get a bad rep because of March Madness.

And people can't find it during March Madness. Yeah. But like they're like – Oh, what the fuck? True TV has a lot of really good shows. It's not – Popular shows. Yeah.

Like really popular shows. The only thing about it is people like – they just – I don't know. People just are like I don't know where it is. I don't know how to find it. Like I don't know. There's just sort of a – And people want to be able to just go somewhere and watch them all. And so you're sort of programmed to be like, I don't know where that network thing is.

I'll wait for it to come on Amazon. I'll wait for it to buy on this. And TruTV wouldn't put it anywhere. So like – and then they weren't playing it on TruTV anymore. So it was like you just couldn't – There was no replays? There was no replays. Yeah, that's tough.

So it was just like, well, then no one's finding it. You had to see it the first time. You had to see it the first time and then there was all this word of mouth and then you couldn't find it. I mean, you could love a show these days and you're not going to catch it on the first watch. Never. If you have any sort of responsibilities or whatever. And it's also a very bingeable show. It's a very – yeah, I feel like people get hooked and then they –

Especially 30-minute episodes. You're just like all of a sudden you're like – Netflix has been great. And yeah, I mean people have loved it and I think word of mouth. I have the best – I feel like the best fans like you guys too like telling people when they like it they feel passionate enough to be able to tell their friends and their family

you must watch this and it is truly it's been a word of mouth build of people really like believing it and being like you've got to see this you've got to see this because we've never had like the big marketing you know like yeah I mean how many shows debut on like one of the networks and it's like,

you know, comes and goes and people don't like it. Especially, yeah, smaller networks. And I'm sure you get a big rating if you're on, you know, TBS, NBC, whatever.

Yeah. But if you succeed at true TV, that means it's good. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I feel like it's almost like a Sonny type.

Yeah. Where it's like, Sonny fans are diehards. Diehards. Everyone I talk to about What I'm Sorry is like, I love that show. And no one's like,

yeah, guys, I watch it. Everyone who watches What I'm Sorry is like, I love that show. No one's like, yeah, guys, I watch it. Everyone who watches What I'm Sorry is like, I'm. And I've always said I would take that over like a huge. Every single time. All day long. That's kind of what we have at Barstool and I've always had. Where it's like, the people who like us really, really, really like us. And it's awesome.

Except for the people on Twitter, which is also bullshit with you. You said that in the Mila Kunis podcast. What did I say? Everyone's nice to you on social media. I know. Must be pretty good. Well, by the way, I don't want to say that too much. Because then people are going to be like, oh, really? Fuck you. You said that in the Mila Kunis podcast. What did I say? Everyone's nice to you on social media. I know. Must be pretty good. Well, by the way, I don't want to say that too much because then people are going to be like, oh,

really? Suck a dick. Fuck you. Fuck off. You know, your face is weird. Your ass is crazy. Like, all of a sudden, all the good... Yeah, I don't know. Like, it is always... Your ass is crazy is a compliment, by the way, if you get that. Oh, yeah. Girl, that ass is crazy. Well, it depends what the internet... It's hard to get tone

on text, but it is always weird to It's hard to get tone on text. But it is always weird to me when you do get, once in a while, you do get the very rude Twitter. Where I'm like, you woke up, decided to log into your Twitter, find me, figure out how you leave a message, type this horrible thing, and press send? Yeah. a message, type this horrible thing, and move and press send? So many steps had to go into you being like, your face is weird and I don't like your voice. Cool. Okay. I'm glad

you just spent 30 minutes concocting that. The thing that sucks about that is they won't think about that any more the rest of the day. And you will think about it. That's just human nature. You see that one negative thing. That's what sticks with you. And all the positive stuff goes out the window. It's like this one guy thinks I have a weird face.

Yeah. And now my name's Rue. I will say, I have the best fans. So, and I do read them. And I do like, I do like comment back. And they're always like, this isn't you. This is your, I'm like, it's me. Like, I promise you.

Don't do the text thing. Have you seen this text thing? I hate the text thing. Yeah, what is that? What's the text thing? What do you mean? He's like, don't say that because we're going to be doing it soon. Oh God, what? What do you mean? He's like, don't say that because we're going to be doing it soon. Oh God, what?

What are we doing? Like you can, like a lot of comedians on like Instagram are like, text me. He's got his head down. Text me?

Fuck. It's like, this is my number. What? You can text me, but it's not their number. It's like some service. And like you probably

would be texting fans like one time and then you pass it off to like an intern or something like that. But see the problem is I don't want anyone ever to speak in my voice.

Yeah. So that's why I do all my own social media which is exhausting and why I don't do it probably as much as people would like me to is because I don't want

someone else writing my stuff because I feel like you can tell and it would just bum me out. I'm also I get pretty like I'm snobby. I get arrogant there

where I'm like that would be funnier if I did it. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you could have a brilliant writer, I'd be like, no, I'll find a way to do it better. Yeah. I mean it's – yeah. I can't hand over my comedy voice to anybody.

So that's not for me. So it is me. If I have written back, it's me. She's a woman of the people. A woman of the people. So are you just doing the podcast? Is that like a passion project or a money play or both or what? It has not been a money play.

I didn't do it with a network or anything. So right now I've paid for it all myself. I really did it as I miss performing live. I miss being out in the world. And that's just not possible for me right now. So I wanted to do something where I got to one, see my friends who I haven't seen because I've been so busy. Two, I just wanted something that was just like

immediate and laugh. And I feel like right now there's a lot of just like every time I turn on the news or even listen to some podcasts, I'm just like, I'm so bummed out now. I just wanted something funny. And that was like more immediate. Not as immediate as getting on stage, but a little bit more immediate.

And also something, because it takes me so long to do a season of I'm Sorry, something to sort of like keep me connected with people in between that gap. You're an actress. You're not like a comedian. Did you like stand up? I did stand up. Yeah, I was in Growlings and then I did stand up. But I first started as an actress. You're not like a comedian. Did you like stand up? I did stand up. Yeah, I was in Growlings and then I did stand up.

But I first started as an actress. So, comedic actress, I would say. Right, right. So you're not working on like a bit that you would like on the road? I would love to go. I would love to do an hour stand up.

It's legitimately not possible in my life right now. But what I'm kind of hoping is with the podcast that I'll be able to like tour a little with the podcast. Once I finish season three and have some time that I'll be able to go like, you know, ten cities or something and do a small tour. We just started doing that.

Did you start doing that? We've just been doing New York like once a month in Carolines. We're going to go to Philly next month. Oh, that's nice. It's weird. It's like a – well, because we have low self-esteem and insecurity issues and social anxiety. No, obviously. When people show up and they're like super excited.

That's clear. Yeah, obviously. When people show up and they're like super excited. That's clear. That's clear. Yeah, yeah. Like it's – our first couple of shows sold out in like less than a day and then they're there and they're laughing at like everything you say and it's like – Performing live is how I started. I started in theater. I started in musical theater and then I did improv and then I did stand-up for many years. So you'll be – like it'll be easy for you too.

Live performing is the reason I'm in this business. Yeah. And I wish I could do it. You're going the other way. I keep telling people, our last show was the first time I didn't sweat. Profusely. You should sweat though. Yeah, he's fucking not sweating.

Yeah, I don't sweat either. I've got a great number and I don't sweat. What's up? Yeah, solid number. Just right in the right pocket. Still fun, but not too much fun. You know what I mean? Yeah number. Just right in the right pocket. Still fun, but not too much fun. You know what I mean? Perfect in between.

Great stuff. The show's on Netflix. The show's on Netflix. Actually, what is the name of the podcast? It is Andrew Savage and Grown Woman. Hashtag buttholes. Go like and subscribe to it and rate it five stars. Do it with ours, too. But first do mine. Do me a favor. Give her four stars. Give us five stars. Do it with ours, too. But first do mine.

Do me a favor. Give her four stars. Give us five stars. Thank you. Well, no. I just feel like people need to stop being stingy with stars. Although I will say my podcast has been great because I've been telling people not to be stingy with the stars because I'm like, if you have an issue, you want to say, write

it in the comments. But no one's impressed that you gave four stars instead of five. No one's like, you know what, that guy really had a good point. Give it two stars if you hate it or one. I was early on the Uber thing. I would give four stars for a regular

ride. No, no, I didn't mean like I was early on it, but just like earlier on in Uber, I would give four stars if it was a good ride. And people were like, why not five? And I was like, well, it was a fine ride, but he didn't have candy. I didn't have a charger back there. That's some five-star shit. You're exactly what I'm talking about. This is who I'm talking

against. Don't be like this dick. Just throw out an extra star. What does it care to you? That guy would have probably gotten a raise. I've since changed. I give five now. I didn't realize it was... I thought it was... I was going by the actual system. Oh, God, no. We can't actually go on this. This is a fake thing. Just throw five. I understood. I didn't realize it was... I thought it was... I was going by the actual system. Oh, God, no. We can't actually go on this. This is a fake thing. Just throw five.

I understood. I've only gone through our ratings once. This was years ago and never again. There's five stars for people like us. There's one and zero stars for our haters. You gotta be a real weirdo to be like, this is a three-star show. This is a two-star show. You shouldn't be listening. What are you doing?

You either should be a one or a five. Jon Hamm? Like, if you're a hate listener, fine. You either should be a one or a five. Jon Hamm just read my losing virginity story. Five stars. Five fucking stars. Five stars. I do read the reviews, though. So if you have, like, something you want me to know or something to ask my partner in crime, Tony, on there, like, getting to know you.

Or if you've got a good would-you-rather or anything like that, we're reading them. Speaking of, we're about to go next door and do some would you rathers and weird questions. Remember this video we did? We turned it into a card game. Are you serious? It's coming out next Tuesday. Holy shit! Look at you guys! So we have totally sold out like you said. We have a nice office and a card game now. So we're going to go answer some weird questions.

You guys have changed. Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face. The mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never-ending story. I reach the stars, lie a fantasy.

Dream a dream, and what you see will be Time again their secrets clear A boat behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never ending story. Story. Story.