KFC Radio - Gay Guys Should Do Everything

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

Subscribe, rate, share, and leave a review! barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Feits got "washboarded" - Jackie proposes a new idea to boost KFC Radio morale - Is Richard Geer - Killing chickens - Are elephants just big-time growers? - Feits' new idea is that gay guys should rule the world - AITA - Barry White voice to answer the phone - 10-15 McChicken's a day - Mrs. Clancy googled this before getting on a plane - Feits goes through his bag again and it is FILTHY - Voicemails - horror or romance movie - no credit card or week of meals - holding hand while jerking off Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @nickhammy5 @JNics415 @Joshua__dm @macczack21You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Wait, let me just tell you what his topic says here. Gay guys should do everything. Give them the keys to the world! Give them the keys to the kingdom! Dude, bye! Bye! Peace to the kingdom. Dude. Bye. Bye.

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Feidelberg and Clancy. Thursday episode tonight, last chance to get tickets for KFC Radio Live. They lifted the final COVID restrictions, so there's another batch of tickets available. Only a handful left. I also got them to sell individual tickets, so if you want to come solo,

at first they were only selling two or more to keep people all in clusters because of COVID. Now they're all out the window. You can buy individual tickets. So if you want to just come out and hang. I'm predicting that there's going to be some solo people who find each other and bang each other. That's a pretty standard show. Yeah. KFC Radio and Foo Fighters concerts that happens at.

And John Mayer probably. Yes. Actually, I don't know anyone who goes solo to John Mayer, except Trent. Trent wins a solo? By the way, John Mayer's album is going to be so fucking fire. When's it coming? Friday. Oh, yeah? Okay. All right. So, we'll be at

Levity Comedy Club in Rockland County in Nyack. So, a little bit outside the city. It's our first show outside of Manhattan, out to the Burbs. So, if you're in Westchester or you're in Rockland or you want to make a trip up to us, you can get tickets. It's our first show outside of Manhattan out to the Burbs. So if you're in Westchester or you're in Rockland or you want to make a trip up to us you can get tickets. It's Levity Comedy Club. Buy them now. We'll be there tonight, 8pm. Come through

listen to the podcast. So you get a little double dip right now if you listen to the episode today and then you see us tonight. It's a lot of KFC radio. Too much in fact. Don't do it. Well, and also like Well actually, no never mind. Do it. Buy a ticket and don't come.. Well, and also, like – Well, actually, no, never mind. Do it. Buy a ticket. How about this? Buy a ticket and don't come. This motherfucking guy.

Buy a ticket and don't come. That's fair. That's my dream. That's a fair middle ground. All you guys – If people would just buy tickets and nobody came and then we could just do a regular podcast at a comedy club? Didn't that – Didn't someone do that?

Didn't, like, a rock star do that? Didn't – What was it? Didn't Drake do it to Meek or something like that? Or, like, bought – Bought all their – 50 Cent. 50 Cent bought out the first, like, the first the first like 10 rows of a Ja Rule concert.

So nobody was there. It's the greatest troll ever. Imagine that. You show up in the first like a whole floor section is just empty. And that's like I think that those are usually pretty like security enforced. So you can't be like, oh, no, I'm going to creep down. Yeah. Well, no, no, you don't get to sit here.

You can you can move a little lower. You can move out of the nosebleeds a little lower. You're not getting to the $500 tickets. You're not getting up here. Ja Rule Monica! So go get your tickets. And the show, I mean, if you're doing a full day of KFC Radio episode and then KFC Radio Live, I think things get weird at the shows.

There's always one or two things that happen. Things. People that are there. And by things, I feel like I mean sexual assault. And they're done to us. They're done to us. I want to be clear about that. We are the victims.

Okay? I usually catch about one male, one female sexual assault. You get like a finger of your ass and stuff. Dude, I've gotten that before. I've gotten a girl play my dick like a washboard before. I don't know. Like, it was

she just had me like this. We were taking a picture. One of the wilder things that someone's ever done to someone and it was just like, I got a nut there. I was like, are you cleaning a t-shirt? What is happening? Can you take a picture?

Move on, please. Why? What did you say to her? What do you think I said? I said nothing. What did you say? I said nothing to anyone until this podcast right now,

like all victims. Afraid to come forward. I mean, I don't think I even knew that story. I knew that you got a finger in your ass, I don't think I even knew that story. I knew that you got a finger in your ass. I don't think I knew that you got your dick washboarded. I mean, that is so wildly inappropriate to do to somebody.

Was that in Philly too? Was that also in Philly? No, that was at Caroline's. That was like a true... We're taking pictures, right? I think Jetski was behind the camera. I was like, what? You guys, we're taking pictures, right? I think Jet Ski was behind the camera. I was like, I can do anything, man. You see something, say something.

Dude, what, did she say anything? No, she said nothing at all. Was she like, ah, gotcha. She just did it and that was it, silence? She spit in my face after I walked away. I mean, you do reap what you sow. We made our bed here. We do, we get weird.

Yeah, we were asking for it. These are the things that usually happen at the show. This is the way we usually talk live on stage, not for a recording. I'm getting ready. Also, by the way, knock the rust off fast. Yeah, let's go. Let's have ourselves a day here, huh? So we got all that.

We'll do Am I the Asshole. We'll get into our voicemails. But as I understand it, Jackie has some plans, some ideas, some input. This has been a very simple idea. Okay. Well, wait. Jackie's input is brought to you by Mizzen and Main. My input is that you should

buy Mizzen and Main shirts if you want to look sharp, be stylish, and stay comfortable. And look strong. All our shirts are good. They do. It's weird because I would think that I wouldn't want a tight shirt because I'm not in shape, but the way they fit on your arms, they do make you look big.

I remember I was in newport um going to like a like front lawn cocktail party very newporty party it's a good spot to wear mizzen main and i had i had no shirts at all and i went down to like one of their stores just like on on thames street and i popped into this is years ago like i mizzen and main wasn't a thing yeah and i got popped on this mizzen and main shirt and i was like That was awesome. And I showed up at the party, and people were like, whoa. Whoa. What's going on right here? It was like I had a pink shirt, white pants. I was Newported out.

Dude, not to – I know he's kind of your nemesis in regards to this, but the Rockets on the juice. The Rockets, bitch. He's looking huge. That was absurd. I thought it was a mill more like Photoshop. That – I mean, his fucking arms are the size of, like, legs. He's doing just nothing but steroids and lifting weights, right? I think he's still, and I haven't spoken to him much on this,

but I think he still maintains no juice. He'll go juice if he wants to, but he hasn't done it yet. And I think it's, I want to say something like 25 pounds since he left the office. Jesus Christ. He's still 5'7", so whatever. You know how easy it is for little people to get jacked? Dude, I had a kid in college who was the most jacked person I've ever seen in my life. 5'4".

He was taller than Jared, yeah. But Mizzen and Mane does make you look good. They're all stylish shirts. You can get the button-ups. You can get the polos. And they're all made with moisture-wicking material, four-way stretch, machine-washable, wrinkle-resistant. So it's easy for the average guy who doesn't want to have to iron and doesn't have to worry about washing and drying and all that stuff. It's all stylish, and you're going to be comfortable, cool, and not sweating while you do it.

And you can get 15% off when you go to mizzenandmain.com, M-I-Z-Z-E-N and main.com. Use promo code radio and get 15% off your first order. So what do you got for us, Jackie? And what inspired this? Because I know when you first came on, you were going to be like our director of morale, and I don't think that's worked. I think we've just continued to talk about suicide and depression.

So you didn't really implement your plan there. But what's going on here? Well, actually, the ball thing that you brought me yesterday, this is what inspired that. Grab that blue ball on the floor. Again, you guys are going to be quick to shoot me down on this. Let me show you this thing. But as I said, yeah, show that first. If you're watching on YouTube, I am a sucker for TikTok and Instagram

targeted posts for shopping. And this floating orb is my latest purchase of a toy. Now, you can make it like float a little bit. You can

play it fast and loose with the word float as I'm sitting here. Well, it's already broken. It's already broken. Because you can do this boomerang thing where it comes back to you. But I think it's broken. It's broken? Okay. You were better at it yesterday. I'll give you that. Well, it's broken.

Okay, but the point is that it looks like a hamster ball. No? Yes. So then I was thinking, how fun would it be if we had a little hamster running around here? So I think that we should have a class pet. And I think that... No! And here's the thing.

You guys are going to be quick to shoot. No, no, no, no, no. You are the class pet! You are our hamster. I want to hear more because there's got to be more. Fights is always on my side. Back me up on this one. You didn't say that.

Hear me out. What I was saying, my therapist has said, get something alive to remind you of life. So if we get... So I say that we get a little... I was going to say a gerbil, but I don't think that we could do gerbils because of how many times we've talked about Richard Gere. Or maybe we should get a gerbil because of that.

Maybe we should get a gerbil and name him Richard Gere. No, that's going to look sus. I'm trying to help you guys out. It's a little weird on your part. I think it would be hilarious if we have a gerbil. People think we always randomly show up at our house when the cameras aren't on. That's pretty funny. If we have a gerbil named Dick Gear, it's Richard. We call him Dick for short.

I should have known that that was going to convince me. Now you guys are going to convince? Maybe we have to get a class pet. Maybe we put him in the jar. What if Richard Gear, the ger gerbil lives in our suicide jar? We'll put holes in it. Yeah, we'll put holes in it. We'll put some sawdust in it or whatever they fucking crawl around in.

Now, okay. Now, here's the thing. I feel like you guys are taking this to a level again. It's to remind us of life. But what happens when this thing inevitably dies? And also, do you know what most life reminds me of? Death. No.

Like, that's the thing is, like, we can't kill it. That's a terrible look on us. I'm not going to murder it. I'm just going to say that eventually we're going to neglect this thing until it passes away. No, but then we can't because then that's a bad look. And, like, so we have no choice but to take on responsibility. But to grow as people i i'm a bitch i got humans okay

you can grow as a fucking human taking care of a goddamn rodent i got grown humans at home i already got a class pack two of them the now the – Okay, one qualm I have here. One. Is how do we explain the smell to guests? Yeah. Yeah. I thought about that. And I haven't come up with a conclusion.

I found a solution to that one. This feels like when your kid asks a puppy and it's like, well, are you going to walk it? Are you going to take care of it? I don't know. If you make this – if you get rid of all its shit and feed it and don't let it die and don't let it smell up. But I also feel like it's like a conversation starter. They walk in, and they're like, what's the smell? And you go, Dr. Richard, put it down.

Well, no, the smell's not good. We need the sight to be a conversation starter. They walk in like, what's that smell? You do not want that. Because guess what? You don't ask what that smell is. You go, there's a gerbil in here. And then they're like, can I see the gerbil?

And then, like, you know. Can you put it in your ass? And then you can tell them the Richard Gere thing. Have they heard that rumor? I mean, it would be funny to say we have a gerbil named Richard Gere. Yeah. Objectively funny. We just got to keep it clean.

Can we get, like, a little robot fucking gerbil? They make that? Like, an animatronic, super realistic. Like, I want to feel all its bones. I want to be able to feel its life in my hands, if you know what I mean. I want to be able to hold something and know I'm so powerful. They're going to go straight up a mice and men on this thing. You want to teach me responsibility?

It's not killing that gerbil that I'm holding. That's where some great power comes, great responsibility. I won't fucking squeeze this gerbil. I guarantee if we get a fucking class pet gerbil, there will be a time where you have it in your hands, and you're going to zone out, and I'm going to be like, John, John! And you're going to be like, what?

Sorry, I just zoned out there for a minute. I can feel how easily I could snap this rib cage. Your life is in my hands. Well, it kind of reminds me of my next idea. Oh, another one. If you guys shot that down, we get, it doesn't have to be in the studio, but a chicken to be our mascot, chicken heads. Chicken heads. Where would we keep it?

Would this be like we sponsor a chicken out on the farm? And then we could bring ourselves like KFC but like with live chicken. Yeah, because they're not chicken anymore. We'd be the only KFC with chicken. I think – okay. I like both of these. I'm in on the gerbil. And I think I'm in on sponsoring a chicken like every week though.

Like they have to keep killing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have like – It has to be just like someone on a chicken farm who repeatedly keeps killing the chicken. We need to have a funeral for our chicken every single week. Every Thursday episode, we have a chicken dinner. No. This is not –

And we'll be like, RIP Roger the chicken. You lived from like July to August, and that was it. $50 to $100 to sponsor a chicken. $50 to $100? How often? For the year? Forever? I'm throwing weekly out the window.

I'm not paying 50 to 100 bucks to kill a chicken every week. No. No. I think a chicken, if you buy it, that's probably. Never mind. This saves them from being slaughtered. We don't want that. How about you say slaughter a chicken?

I'll look it up. Every week, somebody chops a head off a chicken, like, live on Instagram. They send us a video, like a fucking Middle Eastern kidnap video. They just say it's just clucking. They just cluck it. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck. And then the brain just fucking chops the thing down. And watch it run around on its head.

I sent you this TikTok I was watching yesterday of how chickens get defeathered. It was the most intriguing video ever. They just toss him in this little bin and it just rolls him around.

I'll tell you. Chickens are so fucking tortured, man. They are treated so poorly. And I can't wait to contribute to that. So yeah,

these ideas are great. These ideas are exactly very on point. You just know we have like one guy that raises a chicken farm that listens to that. We're going to get some videos. Oh, there's some guy who listens to KFC Radio on a chicken coop farm all fucking day. Mr. fucking Purdue, Mr. Tyson.

He slaughters chickens on the regular. I don't know if I actually want to see the videos. There was a dude. There was a dude. The chicken coop guy. Oh, I remember him. There was a guy who used to see the videos now that we're talking. There was a dude. Yeah, the farmer. The chicken coop guy. Oh, I remember him. There was a guy who used to send me videos either on Snapchat or Instagram or whatever. It was just him in like a dark chicken coop.

And he would like chase him around and grab him and be like, yeah, this one, like this one. We basically already did this. This podcast has been around for so fucking long, man. I can't remember who or what my brother will know more, but it was some guy who used to slaughter chickens. Yes. He would just send videos of him going into a dark chicken coop and grabbing chickens. I vaguely remember this now.

Yeah. I was like, stop doing that. I'm not like, I'll pay you to do it. Ain't that the way? When you're young and idealistic, I'm not going to ever do that, and then you end up paying for it. That's how it goes, folks. All right.

So, where are you going to start with? The gerbil or the chicken? Well, I don't want to do it now. Why not? Now it's a great idea. Yeah, we've taken your decent idea. We've really improved upon it. We made it great.

You had a good idea. We have a great idea. I don't think we could have that gerbil in here. Why? It would smell terrible. Let's keep it somewhere else. Let's keep it outside. Let's do what PMT does and just put their dirty fishbowl in the corner over there.

We'll put our dirty rat elsewhere and then every now and then we'll bring it in. Yeah. Maybe we hide it in another studio and then just like... Oh, I know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. You should keep it at home and bring it back and forth when we record. Yeah, no, you should commute with the gerbil.

You should commute with the gerbil and... You could put a ball... I bet they have one of those balls, but it's on a leash. On a leash, and you can walk with it. It's like a children's toy. It was the ball with a hard leash stuck to it. You can roll it around for $10. You can do that with a hamster.

You can walk the streets with a gerbil. Richard, give me the gerbil. I'm kind of opposed at first, but I kind of do. Your roommates are going to hate you when you come home with a fucking gerbil on a stick. When we have the right guess, 90% of people will be like, why is this fucking gerbil? The right guests, when we say, this is our gerbil, Richard Gere, they're going to love it.

I think most guests, we have them running around the whole time. Yeah, like just let it free. Yeah. Oh, no, I didn't mean free remit and a ball. Oh, I think it's just straight up. I think it's just scurry across the desk. When Eliza brings in her dogs. Yeah, exactly. We've had animals here before.

What we should do during interviews is we should get tennis ping pong nets and have them around the table. Or maybe we put a mate. And then we just trap them in the table. And you gotta keep them like, alright. Or why don't we get multiple and we can do gerbil races. Yeah.

I think that we should have it all around and then the rule is you can't acknowledge it so like until somebody brings it up so like if we just brought guests in here and they were just

looking around like what the fuck and we're just like so how's the new movie like no acknowledgement of it and then when eventually when they

bring it up we gotta ask is that durable I gotta ask ya it's gonna last about 30 seconds every time like

we're gonna say until someone brings up the wild rodent running around the office on their press tour. It's going to happen fast. Pretty quickly. Pretty quickly, man. It's going to happen with about 10 seconds in every time when their fucking agent picks it up and goes, we're getting the fuck out of here. All right. And this is all in the name of raising our morale and our happiness levels. Well, it was mostly for my entertainment at first because I was like,

how cute would it be if there was a little gerbil running around? And then I was like, this could actually be good for us. And I think that, again, as my therapist said, just something to remind us of life. Yeah, I think that one as my therapist said just something to remind us of life yeah I think that one's going to backfire I really do I understand

the reasoning and the sense it's just so concerning gotta be honest It's just so concerning. Ah! Gotta be honest. I think it's gonna have the opposite effect. Really do? This is all it takes.

It's probably a square inch to snap a neck. Yeah. Oh, my God. I could do that oh my heavens well we'll workshop the idea alright alright okay

alright All right. All right, well. Okay. All right. All right. Do we have an interview today or no? No, we do not. All right, no interview. Well, while we're on Jackie ideas, I was talking about last week the elephant trunk. I think that's an interesting one.

What's this? The elephant trunk. Is it looking a lot like a dick? Do elephants – is the elephant trunk – if you have a big nose, it's a bad thing. If you have a big dick, it's a good thing. So is an elephant trunk a nose or a dick? It's an interesting one. I think it – Where does the elephant dick go when it's not out?

Oh, I think it's always out. No. The elephant dick? Yeah. Well, I mean, it might grow, but it's always out. No. The elephant dick? Yeah. Well, I mean, it might grow, but it's always out. No. That elephant dick goes all the way back inside its own body? I mean, I feel like I don't want this fucking thing.

I guess what? Having a big elephant dick isn't good either. I'm saying... You just have a big meal. Your fucking cock comes back in and takes up your whole intestines. That's what I'm asking. I just ate a bunch of hay. What the fuck?

I mean, when I see, when you see elephants walking around. With that dick. Yeah, but that's not, it's not always like that. There's plenty of times you see elephants walk around without that dick. You hit us with a flat elephant dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. always like that. There's plenty of times you see elephants walk around without that dick. You hit us with a flat elephant dick. If you just Google elephants right now, you'll see plenty of pictures without his cock flopping in the wind.

That's a promise to you. I need to watch an elephant get erect. I want to watch an elephant get erect. I want to watch him get hard. Show me a video of an elephant just getting fucking horned up. Yeah, like someone just stroking an elephant until he gets rock hard. A little elephant

foreplay. Elephant boner on YouTube. Yes! Yes! That's what this is about. We are just doing the live show now on the regular show. I don't even know what's going to happen tonight on stage. Let me see an elephant eat pussy.

Well, I see. All right, so yeah, he's out. I mean, that's a dig. That's what I mean. You can see elephants don't have that third leg dangling. That's so much bigger. Yeah, but it's gotten bigger in this jump just here to here. Yeah, it's growing.

It's growing even bigger. Yes. But it was noticeable at first. You saw it. That was a half seed. That was a chubby. That was a quarter seed. Yeah was a chubby. That was a quarter C. Yeah, but that's what I mean.

It was still out. When an elephant is fully not erect, you can't see his cock. Just Google elephants, Nick. Just don't Google elephant dick. Just Google elephants, and I promise you, you'll see just four regular legs without a third one in there, without a fifth one in there. Look at that. Look at that one. fifth one in there. Look at that.

Look at that one. Top row. Yeah, look at that. No dick. I mean, that might be a chick for all we know. Oh, yeah. There are female elephants. Look at that.

Look at that. No dick on that one. Yeah, but now you're in my head about women being an elephant. Yeah, maybe that's an elephant pussy. Not all elephants have huge dicks. Yeah, we call them women. Yeah, man. Listen.

That's what it looks like. That looks like a male. That's a soft male dick. It's out the body. That's fucking. That's always there. But you know what I mean? Most animals, you don't see their dick all the time.

No, you're right. So where is it? I think most mammals, you do, though. Most mammals have dick out all the time. Yeah. I mean, obviously, I'm thinking about dogs and shit. You see the little dick wagon. Yeah.

And then they get the red rocket. Dogs, cheetahs all the time. Panther dick. Yeah, I know. Oh, lynx cock flying all over the place. An ocelot. You ever seen an ocelot dick? I've seen an emu, not an ocelot. An emu's not a dick I've seen an emu not an ocelot

an emu's not a fucking an emu's a bird took a stab an emu's like an ostrich what's an ocelot it's like a cat okay fucking

this is the animal episode zoology maybe we get a pet ocelot running around here yeah I feel like like where's a snake's dick Fucking, this is the animal episode. Zoology. Maybe we get a pet ocelot running around here. Yeah, I feel like, like, where's a snake's dick? Where's a snake's dick? Not a mammal.

I know, but they still have dicks. Yeah, but they come out like bird dicks. Nothing I'm saying is true. Like, I don't know. No, you know that from Marty. Marty talks about... Snakes have two penises. Snakes have two dicks. And alligators are always erect.

Yeah? Alligators are always hard. What a miserable existence that is. Alligators have fucking pre-aprism? Yeah. Alligator Loki just fucking hard out the whole time. What is that? Oh, no, dude.

What is this? This dude's Googling snake dicks. Oh, no! Oh, no. Oh, no. We don't want that anymore. I kind of wish I had it. Imagine you had fucking dicks on your hips. What if you had a...

You could fucking move like a snake. Like dicks on your hips. With me, I'm probably going to end up popping something out of a socket. With a dick on a snake, it's like... Getting higher? I am uncomfortable. You're just gyrating around? Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. How would you fuck as a snake then? Would you fuck like that? Or would you fuck? I'm just letting her get on top. I don't know, man. Oh, boy. My stomach's really full.

I got a lot of waters today. That core. You're getting a core workout here today. I feel like having two dicks would be great. If you had, like, a backup dick. Imagine that. Like, you'd come early. You're like, don't worry.

Got reinforcements. Once you hit puberty. You get a second dick. You get a sword and a fucking Sophie's Choice. Which one's better? Which one's been performing well? You want the fat one, you want the little one, but you just get the longer one. Like, goddamn, I don't know. My high school girlfriend liked the fat one, but college one liked this one.

I'm waiting for this little fantasy to end, but he's going. Every night before you go to bed, you got like scissors wrapped to end, but he's going. Every night before you go to bed, you got like scissors wrapped around you like, not tonight. Not tonight.

What? So just to be clear. Every week you don't, your priest reminds you you have to cut one off or else you don't go to heaven. Do you think about cutting your own dick off often?

If I had to, yeah. If I had to and a priest told me every Sunday. What if a priest told you to cut your one dick off? I'd have some qualms. I might lose religion there. But if I had to, I'd be like, you know what? I got one to spare. I am kind of a freak.

Jesus Christ on the cross. What just happened? I blame you. You started with the animal talk. I also have another evil thought. Come on down, Jackie. This isn't going to help, but this is like a genuine

do animals give blowjobs? I think monkeys do a little bit of a blowjob. I was thinking about elephant trunks. A hand job with the trunk what did you watch over the hand job with the trunk she had like a right size too it wasn't like a hand job well like a hand job animals give head too

tell you what mike mike's a great google yeah he's quick on it He's the anti-Jackie I feel like I feel bad for most I feel like most female animals Just get fucked Just get fucked They just like They just get mounted

They're just like out there in the field And all of a sudden There's a fucking turtle on your back And you're getting smashed I feel like sex is not enjoyable For a female animal I don't think there's much consent Going on in the animal kingdom I was going to say We're describing a certain kind of sex Yeah I don animal. I don't think there's much consent going on in the animal kingdom.

I was going to say, we're describing a certain kind of sex. I don't think there's any consent in the animal kingdom. I don't think that they are in the mood. Yeah, Simba's mom was asleep when he was conceived. No, no, Simba's mom, we know, was a freak. No, Nala was his girl. His girl, yeah. She was a freak.

Nala was a daddy. There was no consent for her. Nala gave loads. Sim His girl, yeah. She was a freak. Nala was a bad dick. There was no consent for her. Nala gave loads. Simba got raped. Yeah. Nala was, like, hopping up on that dick. That was, there was no saying no. There was no, like, I'll get you in the morning, hon.

It was like, no, no. It was, I can kick your fucking ass and I'll show you. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm going to make you into Mufasa right now, boy. By the way, have you seen that, uh, that, uh, that, uh, that, that, that. Have you seen that TikTok about how Scar ate Mufasa? Yeah, I, weird, yeah.

Yeah. A long time ago, though. Yeah, that's fucked. That is. That's fucked. And also, he's gay. Yeah, what's that about? Yeah, he started with Mufasa's ass.

What? He started with Mufasa's ass. What? He started with Mufasa's ass. It's Disney, man. I wouldn't put it past him. But he is, I think. The rumor is that he's gay. It's not very well... I think it's fan fiction. Yeah. And it's like he has a harem of women, but

you never see him sleep with any of them. It's a kid's fucking movie. He's busy being a supervillain, executing revenge on his brother. I just went back to the cave. Isn't this a sex scene where Scar was fucking? It's like a fucking gangbang. Just a full fucking... Just lions fucking licking his paws.

You can't really have a... It would be a reverse gangbang, I guess. Reverse gangbangs don't really do it for me. But it would be a reverse like, so there's too many holes. What are all the holes doing here? It is true. You would think that like when it's like four girls, one guy. I'm like, nah.

No. More women, less dick. Nah. No thanks. Reverse gangbang is like, what do you call those light brights? But there's only one light in it. You're not painting me any picture. Too many holes, not enough pegs.

You stole a full thing. Make it an orgy, make it a gang. Make it full. What is that? What? Like, when, you know, you go from lesbian porn when you're, like, a teenager to, like, probably multiple girls, and then eventually it's like, I just need one set of holes and a lot of dicks. What's that progression about?

I think you're describing an Eminem song called, I'm cleaning out my closet. What's that? You get older, you start loving God. How come when you hit like 30 you start fucking dudes? Which actually

brings me to my next topic. Proceed. I think... Wait. Let me just tell you what his topic says here. Gay guys should do everything. Give them the keys to the world. Give them the keys to the kingdom.

Dude, my, my, my, the place I'm staying at in Jersey Shore, it's owned and operated by two gay guys. And every single thing in this house is just for Steve. Perfect. Immaculate. Everything I touch, I'm like, God, I wouldn't have got that. But boy, do I love it. Every time I laid in bed the first time, I was like, what a bed. This is just unbelievable.

The couch is unreal. Yeah. They got it all. I go, and I'm so fucking, such a piece of goddamn shit that I laid on everything. They must hate you. No, I only met him the one time. We liked each other, though. When I bought a bed during the pandemic,

I laid on every single bed in New York City, in Manhattan. In the middle of people like, it's probably going to kill you. Give it a try. Jar. Jar. I hate my mattress. I laid on 100 mattresses, and I fucking hate my mattress.

I sleep on the couch most nights. And then these guys just knock it out of the park first time. It is like everything in the house is just perfect. Yeah, because they have style and class and money. But I think even more than that, I think it's just they have – Taste. They put effort into everything. They take it seriously. Passion.

Passion is what I'm looking for. Yeah. They care. You know why? They're happy. They're happy people. They have passion for things. Us straights procreating, losing all of our money, and hating each other,

we don't give a fuck about the decor in the house. We're just like, I'm just happy to be fucking still alive. I can't believe I'm not in jail or dead yet because I haven't murdered my spouse. The gays are so happy all the time. And that's the difference because I'm occasionally joyful.

I'm not happy. There's a start. Happiness tucks you in every night. Happiness is like a baseline. They wake you up in the morning. Not every single time, but they care. At least they know what they're missing. Joy is a quick fucking bar bathroom, and they don't ever want to talk to you again. They're like little spurts of happiness. Yeah, there's a little joy all over you.

They'll squirt a little joy on you, and then it's gone. It's very fleeting. But they have happiness. That was going to be my presidential platform. It was like, I'll let you be president and I'll just make gay guys in charge of everything. Why don't we just elect a gay president then instead of you?

Yeah, well, we thought about it. It didn't make it very far. It's a tough sell right now. It's a tough sell. Yeah, you need a puppet regime. You should be the puppet to the gay guys. Yeah, yeah. Your cabinet will just be a gay cabinet.

Could you imagine that? We're changing the name to The Cl guys. Yeah. Your cabinet will just be a gay cabinet. Could you imagine that? We're changing the name to The Closet. Thank you very much. President Feidelberg's closet. Filled with 13 gay dudes. It's like it'll be Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but it's running the country. It's running the free world. Yes.

They'll dress you up. This is one of my better ideas. Gay guys in charge of everything. Gay guys should do everything. I don't hate it. I do not hate it. Bro, we got multiple dishwashers that none of them look like dishwashers.

I can't find it every time because it's too mixed into the fucking mosaic of the kitchen. I gotta't find it every time because it's too mixed into the fucking mosaic of the kitchen. I gotta open all the cabinets trying to find the dishwasher. It looks beautiful though. Maybe they don't run, maybe they don't run infrastructure. It's aesthetically pleasing.

We'll leave that to Plumber Dan. That's the one thing the gays don't do. Like, we're not dealing with the plumbing. Get the straights in here for the shit and the poop. That's it. thing the gays don't do Like we're not dealing with the plumbing Get the straights in here for the shit and the poop That's it Gay guys doing everything is Pretty good Gay guys 2024

It was like anyone else I think After Trump Just any gay I'll even open it up to lesbians Well actually I'm not sold on lesbians yet Well I just haven't lived in one of their homes yet How many I feel like lesbians are dying out

No No I thought So many straight girls in it from high school are now gay I feel like most girls are like bi. Where it's just like everyone's a wee fuck. Every woman in the world is Prince now. I'll fuck it.

Everything's fluid. I'm very confused on how this is all going to work. If everything's going to become fluid and non-binary, then is there even going to be like gay and straight anymore? I would imagine we don't completely eliminate both. I mean we'll do our best. So if you're like a gay guy now or you were gay guy, but now you don't identify as anything. I see your argument. The definition of gay and straight is you're a sex, and you either interact with the opposite sex or the same sex.

And if we're getting rid of all that, then it's like, I don't know, we're all just one fucking thing banging each other. I think, yeah, I think so. And I think that's also, who is it, Neil Brennan's way to end racism too, which was just everyone fucks everyone. Yeah. And then we all end up the same color. Same brown. Fucking all the holes. Yeah. Like the Light Bright.

Just a bunch of holes getting plugged by the same color thing. It's like if Light Bright came with just one brown peg. That was it. Just a bunch of brown pegs, and everybody just gets stuffed by that, and that's it. That's not bad. That's not bad. That was it. Just a bunch of brown pegs and everybody just gets stuffed by that and that's it. That's not bad. That's not bad. It's like when you mix up all the Play-Doh colors and it just becomes all the same thing of Play-Doh. We'll add that to the

presidential campaign. Gay guys should do everything and complete and total racial homogeny. That's it. And the erasure of cultures. This is getting a little, like, a little Hitler-y at this point. Well, that was the joke. I didn't want it to be said. Anyway, am I the asshole?

Start with me. Yeah. MillerLite. Yeah. Miller Lite. It's this summer. It's the best beer, best drink in the world to crack one open and enjoy some laughs. Have a good time with your friends. We'll be drinking it tonight on stage. You can join in with us.

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It's the original light beer, the OG light beer. Any other light beer you have is fraudulent. It's not as good. It's more filling, and it's's not as good. It's more filling. And it's just not the one. It is. I almost want to make bets with people. Go buy.

If you grew up in a region where Miller Lite was, maybe your beer, northeast probably, just go get one and tell me I'm wrong. Go get a six-pack. Tell me I'm wrong. You won't. It's just better. You won't. And I understand people grow up with their allegiances, but it's just straight up better.

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96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Am I the asshole for stopping my elderly dad from putting on a Barry White voice to answer the phone? Oh, wow. This is even, I guess elderly, I should have understood it, but I, 50-year-old female, live far away from my 86-year-old dad, and my younger sister lives closer. I therefore call him a lot in between visits my dad gets a lot of scammer calls and i'm i'm gonna i'm not i put in the my dad she just said dad and i just want to strangle people to death and dad gets a lot of uh i hate it yeah my roommate does that it's he's always done it and it's no it's not our dad it's yeah i say dad yes it's not our dad. It's, yeah. I say dad if I'm talking to my siblings. Yes. It's not, we don't share that dad. So you have to specify that it's your dad.

I have to specify it's my dad. The people who are just, and then dad comes down. It's like, shut the fuck up. I want, that is my biggest pet peeve in the world. I want to strangle you to death. That actually is a pretty good hill to die on. It's so bad. I'll fucking join you.

Come kill, come on my hill, die with me, and kill people who just say dad and mom. It's so bad. I'll fucking join you. Come on my hill, die with me, and kill people who just say dad and mom. It's definitely a regional thing, right? Yeah, yeah. It feels very southern and midwest-y, folks-y.

And then dad comes on. Yeah, the way you said it. And then dad putters around the house. Yeah. Ah! Ah! It's your dad. My dad.

Fuck you. So dad gets a lot of scammer calls and also marketing calls. Also bear in mind that dad is a – I mean, I don't know. I'm going to have to just ad lib and put it in mine because I'm going to go crazy. Also please bear in mind that my dad is a bit deaf but won't put on hearing aids to answer the phone sometimes as they get in the way apparently. One time I rang up the Welsh version of a deep Barry White voice. One time I rang up. Welsh version of a deep Barry White voice. One time I rang up. This is some foreign shit.

Okay. I rang up the house and a Welsh version of a deep Barry White voice answers the phone. I start panicking, yelling, Dad, are you okay? Oh, my God. Dad, do you have COVID? Dad, is that you, poem creative? Who is this? I don't know what the fuck that means.

Dad, Dad, why is your voice like that? Are you ill? Dad then goes on to explain he puts on the extra gravelly deep voice to ward off scammers i start freaking out saying i thought you had covid please don't put that voice on dad says he will stop i ring my sister to moan about how scared i was that dad was ill what weird word choices so weird i hate this person I phoned my sister to moan about it. My sister tells me that I'm the arsehole for stopping my dad from putting on a Barry White voice as it helped calm him psychologically to face the scammers. I hate this woman.

Your dad is waiting for death. He's 86 years old. He's just getting bothered by his two annoying daughters. And he just is waiting to die. If he wants to put on a fucking Barry White voice when he picks up the phone, fucking let him. Do you have COVID? What?

Not only... Do people with COVID sound like Barry White? Yeah. What are you talking about? You're an idiot. Let this guy live. Get your dad vaccinated. How about that? Yeah. How about that? Be? You're an idiot. Let this guy live. Get your dad vaccinated. How about that?

Yeah. How about that? Be a good daughter and fucking travel. Help the guy get a fucking shot. But you are so far not the asshole. This is some shit that my dad used to do as a kid and it would embarrass me so much. And I feel so bad. That you like were embarrassed by it.

Yes. That I can't wait until he starts to lose his mind and does it again so I can cheer him on. Yes, yes. And give him the praise he so desperately needs. We'd be at drive-thru restaurants and he'd talk in different voices or he'd always try and fight the person at the drive-thru restaurant. Like at the speaker, he'd be like in the middle of orders.

He'd be like, can I get a bagel with cream cheese? Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. I'd be like, Dad I get a bagel with cream cheese? And I'd be like, dad, stop! Dad, stop! That one is a little weird. He'd be like, there aren't cameras. I'm like, yes, there are. He'd be like, da-da-da-da-da-da.

Well, here's my question. I've been asking this recently because I've just seen it a lot in real life and just on TV shows and stuff. When do you just become a lame dad? Cause, cause theoretically I would imagine at some point, I mean, maybe I think my dad was like a cool guy from the stories I've heard. He was like a normal cool guy and now he's turned into like a dad.

And I would imagine the same for your dad and everybody's dad. Like, when do you, like I'm a dad now, am I just going to flip the switch eventually and start karate fighting the fucking – I think – The voice box? Am I going to, like, start cracking dumb jokes? Am I going to, like, use voices?

I would think in the entertainment industry it's a special niche of person who probably isn't going to quickly go to dad. The goofiness, right? right but the i'll tell you when you do when do you i don't just like when you do it i'll tell you oh oh yeah yeah yeah let me know i mean i do enjoy a good dad joke but i like you know like just like you know they dress funny and they do weird things and it's like there was a time i think i think that all comes from like you eventually just don't give a fuck about like what you look like or what brands you're wearing or whatever but but some of the goofy shit is like i don't know i think it also like you have to be a bit of a sociopath for like for that stuff the goofy shit because like it's almost like terrorizing someone on the playground like it's

like how this like calmed her 86 year old dad down. Yeah. That terrorized your six year old child. Like it was horribly embarrassing. Like he was, I pulled up to the, like, uh, playing music, playing music and honking the horn.

But I, but I also like that. I feel like, I feel what you said where you're like, I feel bad for ever having been embarrassed by it. Cause it's like, I mean, if you're dead,

all your friends loved it. Yeah. It was just you. Yeah. It was bothered by it. I guess you just don't ever want to be singled out. You don't ever want the attention, but some of that stuff seems harmless and we'd like get mad about it. But then some of just you who was bothered by it. I guess you just don't ever want to be singled out. You don't ever want the attention.

But some of that stuff seems harmless, and we, like, get mad about it. But then some of the stuff that dads do is like, where the – when did this start? I remember he would always just do, like, the yelling and, like – and now I do it all the time. It's, like, basically all I do. But, like, not yelling, just, like, yelling noises. Yes, sounds. Like, baby, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. And, like, I was like, Dad, you have to stop doing that. And, like, we'd be at, like, baseball practice baseball practice i'm like a completely acceptable place to do it and now it's like i don't know now

every time i do a shot so it's happening even maybe it's not even it's not even a dad thing you're just getting old yeah but i think because i'm not a dad people either find it annoying or funny there's no embarrassing in it right well there's nobody to be embarrassed by except for you. You should just be embarrassed by your own behavior. I should, yeah. But not. And neither are dads. Did it say Carter Cruz?

No, just no curses. Never mind. Okay. What do you got on the brain? I don't know. I mean, it kind of looks like it, right? Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Just checking. You are a fucking golden retriever. Your brain is just checking You are a fucking Golden Retriever Your brain is You're a goldfish So you'll let me know When I become a lame dad

Yeah For sure Probably halfway there You know Just checking what you're wearing Yeah I mean I got the lounge pants on I mean that's

That's been a COVID thing But You're okay Yeah No I wasn't gonna say you were Give today. Yeah, I mean, I got the lounge pants on. I mean, that's been a COVID thing, but... You're okay. No, I wasn't going to say you were. You're good. Give it a peek. But the clothes make sense to me because I can just see a point where, like, you know,

you can say that, like, you're into style, you're into fashion, you like to dress for whatever, but ultimately you're dressing to, like, look good, to impress, for women, for girls, to be, you know, when you're out. If you're not doing that stuff anymore... It's just, like, if he trakes it all back, though, then, like, it always ends up, like, it to impress for women for girls to be you know when you're out if you're not doing that stuff anymore it's just like if he takes it all back though then like it always ends up like it's actually for you because like so i wanted them to think no see i think it'll feel good i mean i guess that makes me feel i guess so but i think the the very first step is

like being with somebody or being cool for other people, you know? And when you stop doing that as a dad or when you're older, you're not going out and all that, then you're just like, I'm going to just wear my waterproof shorts every day. Not a bathing suit! Water-resistant. Water-resistant. They lost that title.

They're a little water-resilient. All right, next, I'm the asshole here is brought to you by simply safe. When simply safe home security founders, Chad and Eleanor Lawrence, first designed their home security system, they wanted it to be. They did it because their friends had got their house broken into. And that was because they were struggling to find a home security system. So they wanted one that was affordable and effective so that nobody else would have to go through what their best friends went through. So just good people. I would never.

I would never. Like start a company because bad things happen to my friend? I'm going to save future people from this horror. Why can't I? I just stroked out for a second there. From this horror? Yeah, I would not. Yeah, no.

The only reason I'm starting a company is to make money for myself. Not to save my friends. Are you kidding me? I hope my friends get burgled. Yeah, no. It's like the only reason I'm starting a company is to make money for myself, not to save my friends. Are you kidding me? I hope my friends get burgled. Fuck you guys. Just so I can say it. But SimpliSafe, Chad and Eleanor, they're good people.

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Nada. I, I, ah! Nah. Yeah, are you the great protector now? Yeah. Nah. I reveal myself as Jon Bernthal. If shit goes down,

you're stopping, you're jumping in? No. Uh, no. No, no. We just talked about how a bum could punch you in the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're protecting yourself, let alone strangers. Yeah, but, like... You are kind of inclined to help others You're protecting yourself, let alone strangers. Yeah, but like – You are kind of inclined to help others more so than yourself, right? Most of my fights I've been in, like, it wasn't me. Yeah, it's always somebody else. It was the victim. Yeah, yeah.

So – That is true. And also it's a very low number, but it is – You're always defending somebody else and then – I would – Or they'll defend you. Yeah, like Dante when he's in trouble. Dante when he can't handle himself.

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dot com slash KFC Radio. Customize the system, free security camera, 60-day risk-free trial. Am I the asshole for throwing my roommate's McChicken sandwiches out without telling him first? I know what you're thinking about the title, but this is an

extreme situation that got out of control. My roommate loves the McChicken, McDonald's sandwiches, but he also loves saving money. For years, McChicken was only $1 nationwide, and he would eat 10 to 15 of these sandwiches a day. What? Our whole damn apartment smelled like McChicken. Well, a year ago. 10 to 15 a day? Well, a year ago, McDonald's starts increasing the price on McChickens to $1.59 instead of $1, a 60% increase.

My roommate freaked out at this and started buying McChickens by the truckload. Our fridge has had as many as 100 McChickens in it at a time. He wanted to buy as many McChickens for $1 as he could before McDonald's increased the price. Things got out of hand last month when he brought a meat freezer and collected as many as 700 McChickens and had a toaster oven to heat them back up. I was pissed. Everything smelled like McChicken everywhere. On top of that, the electricity for the meat freezer

probably cost us more than the damn price increase on the McChickens. I lost my mind. I unplugged the meat freezer when he left, and I let them rot. When he came back, they were moldy and ruined, and he had to toss them out. On top of that, our McDonald's increased the price to $1.59 last week. I feel kind of bad, but I'm sick of McChickens, and he's also mad at me for ruining his McChickens and his investment of $700. He claims I now owe him $1,060 because that's how much the investment increased in value. Am I the asshole for ruining his McChickens

and throwing them out? I fucking somehow have to say yes. I mean, it is just kind of a dick move. It's, yeah. Like, it's... It's, it's, it's... You should have nipped this in the bud.

You should have stopped this. Once the guy goes and gets the freezer, goes and buys 700 McChickens, it's not even about that he can't eat the McChickens anymore. It's like you just ruined his project. Yeah, right.

This is like he, like, built a fucking garden and he put it... Oh, I was gonna say, this is like his hogecoin. It's like you just ruined his project. This is like he like built a fucking garden. Oh, I was going to say, this is like his hogecoin. Yeah, right. This is his thing. I am sticking it to the man. I have an investment

that is going to jump dividends over that. Yeah, yeah. Dude, 10 to... I've had my fair share of McChickens. 10 to 15 out. I usually get them as a side. I usually get a meal

and I get a McChicken as a side. That's disgusting. And boy, am I watering for one right now. But I have to say, eating 10 to 15 of them is downright banana. Disgusting. If you want to start saving money,

how about stop spending $15 on $1 sandwiches daily? How about that? How about if spending $15 on $1 sandwiches daily? How about that? How about if you're worried about the price of your food? Like, how about stop eating 15 sandwiches? They're not small. They're not huge, but they're not, like, tiny. You don't eat 15 of them a day.

No. I mean, you're having five at every meal. That's insane. And five McChicken sandwiches at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The most I could take down is more than 15. But the most I could take down regularly. Yeah, every day. Like you could do 15 in a day and then you'd be like, I never want to see these again.

I kind of want to see how many McChickens I can eat. Well, actually, I saw the McMahon talking about the Chick King. Burger King came out with a chicken sandwich that apparently rivals Chick-fil-A, Popeyes, the whole nine. Really? And absolutely dominates the McChicken. I feel like I've had – we're talking about different sandwiches here, by the way. I think so, yeah. The Chick King is spicy.

The Chick King is spicy. Yeah. Okay. Didn't they make one that was like a hero almost? Oh, that was Chicken Marinara. That was a chicken parm. No, I would – John.

Back in the day? If you think for one second that I was talking, that I would ever eat a chicken parm sandwich from Burger King. Well, they made it, and it was delicious. I am so – I have never been more offended in my entire life. It was fucking so good. If you think that I would eat chicken parmesan from Burger King?

Yep. And if you didn't, you're missing out, and that's okay. I am absolutely not missing out. There is no missing out on Burger King's chicken parmesan. Oh, came back last year

for a little bit, 2019. Look at that despicable sandwich. That is deplorable. They had one, no, they had one on a longer sandwich. That is deplorable. Again, back in the day, I used to get it at the Murder King on 24, which was where just a dead body was found once. If you're wondering how they got the title Murder King, that did it.

I could have sworn they had the longer one. Because I know what you're talking about. The original chicken sandwich is definitely longer I know that there was a non-chicken parm sandwich That was a long one Yeah there it is The Italian chicken They just call it the Italian chicken sandwich

So then the other one was just called the original chicken sandwich A chicken parm sandwich From Burger King Is maybe one of the worst things I've ever thought about in my life. You missing out? Click that real life picture, not that second one over to the left. Oh, yeah, that one's fine. I mean, that is disgusting.

That's a strong meal right there. That is not a strong meal. You don't know about living on a budget, bro. Bro, I've been on a budget. Listen, you're never on such a budget that you need to either, A, have 15 McChickens a day, or even have one singular chicken parm sandwich from the king. But apparently this new shit is fire. I'm sure it is. I haven't had a spicy chicken.

Some are better than others, but I haven't had one that missed yet. Yeah, I mean, they're all pretty good. They're all just like crispy chicken with a buttery bun, you know? Like, that's going to play almost every time unless it's chicken parmesan. I can't wait, by the way, for the Popeyes. What? What are they making? Chicken fingers or chicken nuggets.

What's so different about what they already do with their chicken nuggets? I guess I don't – okay, Zach's going to research this. I remember I saw someone have a funny quote tweet of it. Other fast food restaurants have to go around to Popeyes Begging them not to take their girl like Dolly and Jolene Yeah, I feel like Popeyes kind of has Popeyes stockpiles chicken meat Get the freezers going

I was going to say This fucking guy from among the assholes is like the Popeyes CEO Oh, also, can I speak on something? We're going to talk, this fucking guy from the assholes, like the Popeye's CEO. Oh, also, can we, can I speak on something? We're going to talk food for a little bit here. GG Cafe closing down might be the worst thing that's ever happened. Is that what happened? Yeah. I thought it was just like, no, no, no.

But it's just, it's temporary. Oh, it's temporary? It said that someone was exposed to COVID. Oh. Yeah. So it'll be back in like two weeks. Okay. Well then that's desperate.

We good. We good. It was easy. I mean, it's not great, but it's easy. It's so easy. And it'll be back in like two weeks. Okay. Well, then that's it. We good. We good. It was easy. I mean, it's not great, but it's easy. It's so easy. And it's just not. I walked into Just Alla today and just walked in and went, nope. Everywhere's got lines now.

That's crazy. Fucking people are back in this. The city's dead. No, it's not. There's lines everywhere. The city's so alive. We need to kill it a little bit. I swear to God, we need to do some Ra's al-Zawal Gotham shit.

We've got to burn this place down. It's grown too fat and crowded. We need to burn it down and rebuild it. It happened fast. It did. It was like overnight. And I've said this before about the traffic. I know that the problem with the traffic is me.

The people who started driving during the pandemic, and now the pandemic's over, they can't give up the driving. The traffic is fucking insane. It's like two hours. Every day? I could drive. Each way? Yeah. No. When I come in, because? I could drive. Each way? Yeah.

It's like an hour. No. When I come in, because now I do work at home in the morning, and I'll come in when it's not rush hour, but I'm usually heading home between four o'clock and rush hour hours, and it's at least an hour and a half every day.

That's a good thing. For a trip that should be, when there was no traffic, it was like I could get there in 29 minutes sometimes. I did it today from the Jersey Shore in hour 10. That's what I mean. I could go to like other states. I could go to Philadelphia.

I could get to the beach. I could get – I could get a ferry too. Let me tell you. The whole way? Just live in large. Yeah, that's awesome. I had to drive up a little bit from where our house is.

Right. But it was – Ferry life is the best life. I used to – When I used to take the ferry over from Hoboken, it was like – And that's just obviously like right across the river. But it was like – So it's like six minutes maybe. It was like the best six's just obviously like right across the river. But it was like – so it's like six minutes maybe.

It was like the best six minutes of my day. This one was 40. Yeah, that's like enjoyable. 40, 50 minutes maybe, something like that. You get a drink. You get a little dual poison. I didn't do a drink. I did two waters.

Pussy. Which I've actually kind of – I can't decide if I'm happy or sad that I did it because I did like – I looked at the liquor rack and I'm like, maybe. No, I'm not and uh the the um attendant uh was a stoolie oh yeah and i was like i can't tell now if he thinks i'm a bitch or if i had got a drink he'd be like all right oh shit he's not lying he's got a problem yeah the stories they're true yeah there used to be these guys at grand central who had a like a beer cart at the top of every track

when you're walking to your train, and then they passed a rule to get rid of them. It's like the worst thing that ever happened to me. Because you could just always run to your train. Do you have those anymore? No. They have little stores and shit where you can still get them, but not the little carts. Oh, that does suck. Where it's right by your train.

It's on the way. Boom, here's two bucks for a tall boy, and then you hit the train. No more. That's unfortunate. These kids, they don't know. They don't know this life. I used to do that shit when I was like 12. Yeah, absolutely.

That's why I shut them down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm starting to see why they don't do it anymore. That's true. A bunch of drunk 11-year-olds on the train. I had fucking braces and puffy nipples and fucking a tall boy in my hand. So anyway, we've got to burn the city down. Yeah.

Anyway, we need the riots to come back. Anyway, 10 to 15 chicken sandwiches is too many. 10 to 15 chicken sandwiches is way too many. So he's ultimately the asshole, but I think everyone's the asshole here. I think that what you did to your roommate is very, very rude. A hundred percent.

Yeah, it's not about the chicken. It's about, it's like, you know what this is? This was his, like, peaceful protest against the world. Like, fuck the rising prices and fuck the expensive food and fuck the man. I'm going to circumvent the system. I'm going to get my own meat fridge. I'm going to save 60 cents on my 10 to 15 sandwiches a day. And that's, you know what, you know when they say, like, people have, like, anxiety, depression,

like, find the one thing they can control, you know what, you know when they say like people have like anxiety, depression, like find the one thing they can control, you know what I mean? This man could control his McChicken intake. Yeah, like a fucking gerbil's life. You want to just watch

the life come out of its eyes as you squeeze it to death. That man just wanted to stick it to the fucking, to the system and he was. And it was smart. It was innovative.

Absolutely. It was, it was too much. But it was. And it was smart. It was innovative. Absolutely. It was too much. But it was. Can you imagine working at that McDonald's? Hey, can I get 30 more McChickens? This guy's here for lunch and breakfast. If I was the guy who was working on the McChicken fucking assembly line, I would have put together a murder for this man.

This guy, I had the easy job. I was the McChicken guy. Yeah, one every like 20 times. No one gets McChickens. Sometimes the fire department comes and gets one at the side. But usually I'm all set on the McChicken aisle. I'm kicking back most of the day. The poor Big Mac guy is working all day long.

This guy goes on some quixadic fucking revenge tour against McDonald's, and he starts coming in making me cook 30 McChickens at a time. I would find the blueprints to this guy's house and cut his head off. That is for sure what I would do. 30 McChickens. 15 McChickens a day is one of the more despicable examples of behavior.

I probably wouldn't even have to do the murder because like he's dead soon. Diabetes is going to catch you quick, bro. It's getting there. There's more sugar

in a fucking McChicken than there is in a Gatorade. Do we fucking bask our shredded lettuce and sugar uh yeah mcdonald's that's of course it's sugar lettuce and we have our sugar buns with our sugar meat and our sugar ketchup that's how this works here man uh we'll do voicemails in a second but um i'm staying at my mom's house did you see this video i posted i actually did see this yes my mom flying on a plane was like you would have thought she was going to war my mom has become like just like this wreck like this reclusive shut-in who's just afraid of everything in the world she used to be like a pit bull man and now she doesn't leave the house

she's afraid of everything she's nervous about everything and certainly things like heights and flying and claustrophobia and all that so she had like an 11 a.m flight and today no this was a couple days ago now um and i ended up facetiming with her because my kids wanted to see her and she was on the plane she was like happy and talking i was like what is going on i thought you like we were taking bets i said there was a 50 chance she didn't get on the plane like she was going to go to the airport and have like a meltdown like freak out i was like you're gonna have to completely knock her out and like wheel her onto the plane dad like she's not gonna do it and but she's on there and she's talking and laughing i was kind kind of like, what's happening, Mom? She was like, I'm drunk.

I'm drunk, Kevin. I'm on pills and booze. It's like, rock on, Ma. So I'm staying at their house to watch Duncan while they're gone. On their way to hedonism, right? Huh? On their way to hedonism. Yeah, sure.

That's what it is. Hedonism 2, I believe, is a hotspot. And I open up their laptop because they use, like, Chromecast. Some people are like, why are you getting on your parents' computer? I was Chromecasting the Netflix. And I open it up, and Google is still open. And her latest search was, can you bring your own pillow on a plane? And I just want to – you know, we said the other day other day like whose brain would you want to steal?

Yeah. I just want to steal an old person's brain for a day and just be like, what goes on in that brain of yours? Well, hang on. Now, I do have to be fair to Mama Clancy real quick. Do you think she knew definitively pre-coronavirus you can bring your own brain? Yeah. Well, I mean she has taken one flight in like probably legitimately like 30 years. Oh, really? Yeah. she's like john madden shit

yeah she she is not they don't travel they don't go anywhere they don't do vacation she took a flight to like the bahamas with my sister when she was like 13 my sister's now like 29 and so that was like the one flight and then prior to that it was probably another five or ten years like it's been a long time why i guess i guess no no, no, you fly all the time. Not all the time, but. No, yeah, but I also, I mean, I don't know.

Yeah, it's like, when I'm old, I'll probably shut it down, but she, you know, throughout her, like, 40s and 50s or nothing. Nada. They were also,

I don't know, saving money. They'll tell, if I were to impress her on this, she'd be like, fuck you. I didn't travel anywhere because I was dealing with your asses.

You know what I mean? That's probably why. But, but yeah so she probably doesn't know any of the rules pre or post coronavirus can you bring your own pillow on a plane and in her defense like ferries can i just drive up what's like plane work dude i i'd love just filing any other questions about planes? That's what I mean. I would just love to know the other things she questions.

What made it to the cutting room floor? Right. What did she know? That's a little crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you take your shoes off on a plane? I don't think you can bring an ocelot on a plane. I'm going to see.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. It's fine. I'm not even gonna do it I'm not even gonna do it It's fine Not even gonna push it I'm not even gonna look At what Kuora says Yahoo answers I'm not gonna listen to them I'll just

I'll trust my gut on this one I'll leave the mountain lion At home I did just learn though That We're not doing Massless planes Until September

Which is That's a long time Cause I And I learned that Because I was taking The fucking I was taking the fucking i was taking the nj transit before i found out about that fucking sweet ferry and i was taking that home on monday and the guy i just didn't bring a mask and the guy i haven't i have not

had a mask and like yeah like i'm back i'm back to it i don't know why don't they when they ask me i just say no and i keep going about my business he goes he goes do you have math i said no he goes gotta figure something out, man. And I had to take probably a shirt that's been sitting in my backpack for, I'll say years.

And when I put it in there, it was sweaty. And I had to just tie it around my face. Your backpack is a disaster. My backpack is a little bit cleaned out

because I did bring, like, not fully cleaned out, but like enough to like, but I was comfortable to put clothes in. My backpack over here. No, we can check what kind of cleaned out, but enough that I was comfortable to put clothes in. We can check what kind of trash

is in it, though. I was going to say, last time there was food. Let's check what kind of trash is in my bag today. Let's do our semi-annual Fidelberg bag check. Last time it was chunks of deodorant and lit cigarettes. An entire Reese's cup

just fell apart. Oh, yeah. Unreal candy. Thank you so much. No, Justin's the best one, but that was an unreal bar. Yeah, there's going to be less trash, like way less trash. I promise you guys. 50% less trash.

Still going to be some garbage. I'm not an adult I'm not a gay man but but a lot less we're in a lot better shape yeah you're gonna be like

you're gonna be like I'm proud of myself is is the sock still gonna be stuck to the bottom yeah for sure what am I gonna be

most surprised about in this bag is there gonna be something in there that's like, whoa? No, I don't think so. This dumb fucking Indiana Jones bag. Let's see what's in here.

The Holy Grail. I only have this bag so I walk through airports and people think I serve. For sure. John walks through the airport and people say thank you for your service. I got kids saluting him. How many first class fucking seats I got out of this bag? Worth every penny, baby. All right, so this is just clean stuff I put in this morning. Okay, that's fair.

I've seen those clothes recently, yep. All right, this is clean stuff early. This is something for that. Okay, so now, okay, yeah, we're pretty trash free, guys. Just flip it. Just flip it. Oh, that's... Just flip it Oh Oh You said I was gonna be proud

John This looks like it's a There's the sock that's stuck to the bottom With the melted chocolate There's a whole bunch of shit falling out the back. Yeah, what's in the back? Empty nip. What looks like a bloody cloth.

About a pound of just dirt and dust. Terminator. Oh, my God, John. John, I think this is more garbage. Money shot. Gum wrappers. What looks like Terminator 2 Blu-ray wrapped up.

Why is Terminator 2 in there? Ken Jack told me I gotta watch it. I just haven't yet. I'll get there. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, the sock connected to what's either poop or chocolate is disgusting. It's definitely caramel chocolate.

When someone says to you, you haven't seen this movie, you got to see it, you go out and get the DVD? No, no, no. Ken Jack gave this to me. Oh, okay. And it's from his collection. Because I was going to say, I agree that you need to watch Terminator 2. It's a fucking awesome movie. You don't need to watch it on Blu-ray.

I wouldn't even know how to watch something on Blu-ray. Anyway, this is the shirt I tied around my face. Let me see that. Let me see that. Oh, look at that, like, Cheeto dust coming off it. I just tied it around my face for like an hour and 40 minutes. Look at all the stains on it. It was definitely a shirt I wore.

I definitely wore it to to like Work out Or something Oh my god I almost pooped right now Get that Years ago Years ago It smells like it It smells like it

I fucking That's Dude oh Look at what I've done I've got all your dust Your Feidelberg dust Is all over my phone Look at this

Come show this I have to now put that Against I have to now put that Against my face It's just some old candy. This Indiana Jones bag, man, is absolutely disgusting. I cannot believe this man said, you're going to be proud of me.

I'm going to glove up over here for the rest of the fucking show, man. God damn. Oh, what is this? What is this? It is, what is? It is a rolled up Euro. What is this? What is this? I don't know.

I don't even know. Last time I was in Europe doing drugs. This is just blank pieces of paper. It looks like they're soaked in blood. It's the blood paper. Was that a note? Yeah. That's a little lovey-dovey for you.

What's that thing? Clear eyes? That's cool. That's cool. That deserves more respect. I love the empty nips of booze. You've got empty New Amsterdam, empty whiskey. I know.

You're putting it back in the bag. Tell me those screws. Those loose screws are yours. What loose screws? They definitely are. Choose four loose screws. Who's going to use the dildos not as a travel toothbrush? Oh, that definitely looks like a vibrator for sure.

Is that an empty Dunkaroos? No, uh, Handy Snacks Oreos. He's going to put it back in. He's going to put it back in. Yep. This man thought that this was an improvement. When you were running to get this, I said, like, is there going to be no garbage? He goes, well, no. I mean, I'm not a gay

man. Confirmed. Not a gay man. Are there any gay guys like this? Are there gay guys like this? Are there gross gay guys? I mean, there's gotta be, right? I'm not the cleanest person in the world. Trust me. But I'm not. I mean, I'm not. But you're also still, like, I mean, I would imagine

just gay or straight when you're, like, young and you live on your own and shit. You're cluttery. You're messy. You don't need to put that back in. You don't need to scoop the food dust back into the Indiana Jones bag. Yeah, that's vile. That was so normal. I thought she was talking about something else.

What? What? Jackie literally – No! She gasped and said no. What's going on? Like a moment in a movie like, stop! No!

You think that – Did the dribble get out? My boyfriend would be absolutely appalled by this. Yeah. I mean, his boyfriend is. I'm appalled by this. His boyfriend is appalled. God.

You are. You are something else. You know what? This is why I just don't have a bag Cause mine would be Just a dirty bag I'm all high and mighty Right now just cause I just don't have a bag

No you think this shit's bad You should've seen My car back in the day Oh man my car With the kids is brutal Bro my car I got broken into Once and didn't

Recognize for weeks There was a stretch Where I only know this Cause they forgot Their cell phone in the car. And it wasn't one. They left, like, four burners in the car.

They're like, this is just a garbage disposal anyway. Let's just drop the old burners. They used it as a dumpster. They were like, this is clearly an abandoned car. We need to leave our burner evidence here. They put it in my center console, which I never used. And for, like, I don't know how long it was. It was just, like, for a long time, I went in to use my center console.

And I was like, this is just full of cell phones. What the hell happened? And then I was like, wait. And I forget what the first thing I noticed gone was. Like something in my peripheral. And I was like, hang on. That's gone. I had a pair of fucking, I had a Supreme, Supreme pair of Nikes.

I forget exactly what kind it was. Gone. They were like the crocodile-like patterned. Yeah, I'm not sure about that. And I was like, those are in the trunk. Those are gone. They're not in the trunk. I'm pretty sure I was robbed.

Pre-COVID. Went to the trunk and was like, yep, okay, I got robbed. Pre-COVID, my car used to get broken into like three times a week. I just let the doors open. And every morning I would walk in. I would get into the car. And I would see like the sunglasses holder had been open, the center console had been open, the glove box had been torn apart,

and I would just close all those things and drive away. There is absolutely nothing of value, and the car itself is of no value. You can do this every single night, guys. Yeah. You're really giving yourself more of a hobby at this point than anything. I think they were like, how many nights in a row can we break into this guy's car and find nothing i think there was like one time i left like some cash in there so they probably like all right let's give it a whirl every single time and then since then

nothing and then it stopped after coronavirus see there's some good in the world the car burger stopped all right voicemails they are brought to you by Manscaped. As I get away off Vinyl Briggs. Gross dust. If that's how despicable your bag is, I don't even know how bad your other bag is. You need to manscape that other bag of yours. Yo, White Lotus.

You seen it? You watched episode one yet? No. I only heard about it last night Sydney Sweeney And Alexandra Daddari Are on the same show Okay

That is I don't know who the first one is But I don't know who the second one is The blonde from Euphoria Never seen that Well you're missing out Yeah She is

Super hot Pull her up Mike Sydney Sweeney You never seen Euphoria at all? No, I might have tried it. Euphoria is tough because she's like 25, so she's like hot and of age, but she's playing like a sophomore in high school and she's like having sex.

And I'm always like, I feel like I should not really be watching this, but it's all these people are on a vacation together in like a place called the White Lotus. Why am I bringing this up? Oh, the dude from Saving Silverman is in it.

And everybody kind of has their own tale about like what they're going through. He is worried that he has testicular cancer. So they cut to a scene very early on with Connie Britton, Jesus' wife. And he's in a fucking robe and he's just holding his dick up and you can see his balls. And he's like, do they look bigger to you? And she's like,

eh, I haven't seen them in a little while so I don't really know. And it's just, I don't know if it's his balls or a prosthetic, but we're just showing sack on TV now. I'll rip sack. No problem. We're waiting. If the script called for it, Kevin.

Yeah, that's Sidney Sweeney. She is a weapon. Not unattractive. Well, it's funny, though. So in the show, she's playing another young girl, like a teenage girl on vacation. And Alexandra Dario plays a newlywed on her honeymoon. But it's crazy how much hair, makeup, and clothes

matter because they want her to be kind of lame. So they give her a shorter haircut. She's not very tan, doesn't have a lot of makeup on. She wears a weird outfit. And it's like even Alexandria Dario can be dressed down a little bit. And the scene is that

like that she gets to the pool and these the hot girls are like kind of making fun of her and she takes it off and they're like oh fuck but it's just crazy how much it's like alexandra daddario is like the hottest person to like ever live and they're like all right we'll make you look like a you know five out of ten crazy well speaking of that did you know that the, what do you want to call it? There's a new movie out that just premiered at Cannes, and it's called Aline, I believe, and it's a movie about Celine Dion. And the director, who also plays Celine Dion in the film, plays Celine Dion at all ages, including 12. She's a 57-year-old French woman who looks exactly like a 57 year old French woman. So I'm interested to see how much clothes

and hair and makeup can you really do. What can you really do here? That's wild. That's ridiculous. But anyway, the reason I brought it up is because you see Steve Zahn's sack. Oh yeah, that's right. This is an ad read. And it could use some trimming.

Could use some trimming, huh? It could use some trimming, I think. It's just dark and bushy. Could use some trimming. He could have used the Manscaping Lawn Mower 4.0. The 4.0, it's just the next iteration. We've been using the 3.0 for a while. The 4.0 is now out.

It's got waterproof technology. It's got nick-proof technology. And after you're done trimming, you can put on the Preserver Ball deodorant. You can put on the Reviver toner. Then you wear the Performance Boxer Briefs to have the moisture wicking off. You put all your goodies in the travel bag. You get the Weed Whacker ear trimmer and nose trimmer out. That's another thing.

I think that might be the answer. When you finally have unruly hair in your ear and your nose, you just say, fuck it, I don't care anymore. I'm disgusting as it is. I don't have time to shave at all. I'll do the nose and the ears, but guess what? The rest is free. But if you want to keep it all trim,

Manscaped got you covered for absolutely everything. Go to manscaped.com use promo code kfc get 20 off plus free shipping at manscaped.com escape the shrubs and the weeds this summer and shine with manscaped it's manscaped.com promo code kfc voicemails let's go yo yo yo all right question of the night Would you rather be with all your best friends in a horror movie where some might die, or you got to be with your worst enemy in a romantic fucking movie? The choice is yours. Say it again?

So it's your best friends in a horror movie. So you have to sacrifice them or sacrifice yourself? Or with your worst enemy in a horror movie. So you have to sacrifice them or sacrifice yourself? Or with your worst enemy in a romantic comedy. Now, I don't know if your worst enemy is a female. Like, are you in this rom-com with... He could be the guy stealing your girl. Right, in which case I need him in the plot. If he's the guy stealing my girl, because I got a winner back with a big fucking to-do at the end.

So I might need my worst enemy in a rom-com. He might be a necessary evil right i also don't think my worst enemy is a woman in which i'm just trying to think who my worst enemy is i got a couple um worst well i know who my worst enemy is yeah my women uh-huh my women which is a oh i was gonna say mine is lit huh the band well no not the band but their song that it would be oh oh yes yes you are you are your own that could be a movie too that could be an interesting idea some some deep shit some splits type type shit you know um wouldn't that be how about that a rom-com that in the end's just a crazy person It's all in their head It's like oh

Did he get the girl Actually He's a fucking In a mental asylum Just zooms out From a mental hospital Yeah And then comes down

Into her outdoor cafe With some dude Who looks completely different Yes Yeah Done I like it I don't think I could

Ultimately put my best friend In a horror movie No matter like How much it sucks Whatever I'm gonna go through With my worst enemy In a rom-com, if I put you in a monster movie and you're getting ripped to shreds and stuff, I'd feel pretty bad about that.

I wouldn't feel good. If it counts as a dream and they come back after the movie, well, then I'd like to see it. I don't know, but even that... It's funny to tell them about it. What if... So there's these guys

on WFAN. The dude who replaced Craig Carton in the morning, Greg Giannotti, Gio. He called the overnight guy and just pretended to be Larry from Forest Hills and just said, I think you're going to die soon. Your blood pressure is going to get too high, and you're going to die. And apparently this guy is a dude who takes a lot of shit to heart, so he was bugging out over this prank phone call where he was, like, making Instagram videos being like, you know, I really, like, fucked with me. But I'm still here.

Look, I'm not dead, whatever. And then it was like, gotcha. It was me, man. I was the one who called up and told you you were going to die and make you have an existential fucking crisis. I feel like even if I – I mean, that's on – if it was you, like, I'm going to murder you, that's one. If you say you're going to die of high blood pressure. Yeah, it was a little bit soft.

That one's a ways down the road. I don't know what this guy looks like. If I came back from a horror movie and was like, oh, my God, and you were just like, ah, yeah, I was the one who put you through that, I don't think I'd be too happy. I think I'd probably – I'd rather be dead, probably. I'd probably taught you the value of life.

Let's see how that goes. Let's see how that goes over when I come back and I am mentally scarred for life, and you're like, well, I taught you the value of life. Now I'm going to fucking kill you, chop you up, and put you in your bag. I think... Then you're in the horror movie, bitch. I think you probably wouldn't notice For a few weeks in the bag All the trash that wakes up when I'm gone

That jersey smelled like a dead body That whole thing Needs to be thrown in the garbage Take the bag throw it in the garbage Just take you throw you in the garbage Next up KFC fights everyone behind the camera I got a would you rather for you

Would you rather Never be able to use debit or credit cards so you can only use cash and paper checks, or every Monday you have to pick your meal for the week, and for the next seven days, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you can only have that one meal. And I'm going to throw in one rule just for Fight-O-Burg. For the money part, fights you're not allowed to just have your mom do all your finance shit for you.

No problem. I can pick the meals. No problem. No, I can't. I basically do that anyway. No. See, I could do like the dinners. I could definitely pick all my dinners. I mean, right now I'm having Corn Pops breakfast, lunch, I could do like the dinners. I could definitely pick all my dinners.

I mean, right now I'm having Corn Pops breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I could probably pick all my lunches too. But the problem is those are the only things you can eat that day. That was a caveat there. So what? Well, you can't snack at night. I got to snack at night. Well, I just pick a food that's a snack, like cereal.

I can have that at all times. Cereal's a meal, a snack, a dessert. Meals can be prepared. Meal prep is a thing. I give it to you. But, like, okay, so hang on. You got to choose wisely. I agree.

But when I snack at night, that's fucking jazz, baby. Yeah, man. I'm with you. That's a... Actually... That is... I'm all over the place. You're improvising.

Yeah, yeah. Like, snacking at night, that's a fucking... If I get high... Like, what if I get drunk and I want a pizza? Can't do it. Well, that's why you should pick something like pizza. Well, I can't have pizza every meal. You can have pizza for breakfast.

You can have pizza for lunch. I guess in that, okay. Well, then, so for breakfast, I just order my late-night snack because I don't have to eat breakfast? Yeah. And I can keep that around in the fridge? Sure. Well. Also, the other side of this is, I mean, it's highly inconvenient, but you would save money and not buy stupid shit.

There's some benefits to not using your debit card. Like if you could only use cash, you'd only buy the essentials. Yeah, so I can't even use an ATM. I got to go to a bank to get my cash. No, let's say you can use an ATM. Okay, that's easy too then. ATMs are everywhere. Yeah, it will be annoying.

It is frustrating because I actually do frequent a couple of cash-only bars. And every time I'm like, you motherfucker. I know. I know. And it's – That's going to go soon. I don't think so because I think they have it cash-only because it's – Oh, for sure.

For sure. But I don't think – I mean, they both have ATMs in the building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is – I just love it. It's like, we're going to do illegal things here. So, occasionally.

Yeah. We're going to hang a fucking sign. It's like we're money laundering. We're tax embezzling. That's what's going on here. If you think I've ever been honest on a W-2, which I don't think is what they have. Bro, there's all sorts of stuff. If you're listening to the IRS.

If you're the IRS listening to this, like turn it off. There's so much stuff I'm not paying taxes on just like yeah they'll never catch me yeah see you'll never catch me coppers yeah like really how are they gonna catch me i don't know i feel like there are a lot of people every year who think well i'm not looking to this yeah i guess so but it's like little money you know that's where they catch you though is it yeah aren't they looking for like the rinaldos of the world who are like 21 million into this. Yeah, I guess so. But it's like little money, you know? That's where they catch you, though. Is it? Yeah. Aren't they looking for

like the Rinaldos of the world who owe like $21 million in taxes? The easy ones that they can just be like, you didn't do that? Full audit. Because I remember my mom sent me like a...

If I get audited, I'd be so fucked. If I get audited, I'd be fucked. Fucked. But she sent me like a... They just sent me to jail. Like a...

They'd be like, you don't have to go to jail. They just sent me to jail. Yeah, yeah. you just have to put in a little bit of paperwork for like six to eight months like i said send me to jail yeah what i meant was give me the death penalty eight months um but the um i remember it happened to my buddy and he had to explain to the government that he was paying his taxes on Venmo. Right. Rent on Venmo.

Yes. They're like, how are you paying rent? He's like, Venmo. And they're like, what is that? And he's like, and this was recently. Welcome to the fucking world. This was a couple years ago. Yeah.

But the, what was I going to say? Fuck, there's no doubt there. That's one of my favorite final moments. You go, what was I going to say? Fuck. We need a super cut Of that one What are they gonna say Fuck I don't remember

I just thought Ah fuck It'll come back to you We'll do our last voicemail In the meantime It's brought to you by Roman Roman has saved the world Roman

I got it There you go My mom My mom sent me like During tax season this year And it was like A fucking Slip from like A childhood bank account that I put fucking chore money in.

And it was literally like $5.96. And I was like, Mom, I don't think it's a big deal if I don't fucking include this. And she's like, no, because this is officially your bank account, and it's $5. And if you don't pay your taxes on that, they can easily just go, look, this is an easy one to find, so let's just audit him. I'm definitely fucked, I have one of those accounts. I have one of those accounts for sure. Fuck!

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It's like this is a problem that guys have dealt with forever. I said the other day, like what a cruel trick that God played. We're going to make them love nothing more than sex, but also they're going to be terrible at it. It's only going to last 10 seconds at a time. And then Roman stepped up and changed that with the Roman swipes, and right now you can get a month's supply of them for just $5. That's $5 to have good sex all month long

when you go to GetRoman.com slash KFC. That's GetRoman.com slash KFC for a first month of swipes for just five dollars. Last voicemail, let's go. Yo, KFC, fights, Nick, Jackie, Zach.

What's up? So this is a story I got. And it's not something I thought I was going to tell I told myself I'm not going to tell it Unless I'm fucked up And I guess I'm pretty fucked up So anyway A couple months ago Me and my ex

Weren't doing too well And you know Doing some shit And she didn't's gonna fuck me so What ended up happening Was that I End up jerking myself off while she held my hand

jerking myself off and that's pretty fucking embarrassing thing that has happened to you so my question is I guess what's the most embarrassing fucking thing you've ever done to make yourself come and I wish I didn't fucking make this call. Thanks. Bye. And I wish I didn't make this call. She held his hand wrapped around it? I think I've probably done that before. That's weird. Or like...

That's weird for her. Maybe I've fucking... I've grabbed her hand and gone a little faster before. A little guidance in a hand job. Yeah, that's the opposite. It's his... His dick is in his hand. Look, either Yeah, that's the opposite. It's his dick is in his hand. Look, either way, someone's guiding someone.

We probably just fucking flipped. I guide you for a bit. You guide me for a bit. In and out. I've done this. I've done this. Yeah? I can't say with 100% certainty, but I'll put up there pretty high.

I think this is weird that it's like, yeah, we're in a spot where we don't like each other. We're not fucking, but I'll hold your hand while you jerk off. I forgot about the fact that she's angry jerking me off, which might make me want to do it more. She's got to be sitting there, phone in hand, on Instagram, just like, okay. Just fucking running my balls like a speed bag. What's fucking wrong with you? What is fucking wrong with you? It's good.

It's good, Ellie. No, you're doing great. She's so mad at you, you're scared to speak your mind. You just keep getting punched in the nuts. You're just trying to... You need the reverse Roman. You're just trying to think of fucking... I don't know.

The best starting nine porn stars possible. So you can finally come see stuff get punched in the balls. You are quite imaginative today your imagination is running wild it is well I mean I now know what you think the weirdest way you could come is

there is I've got weirder that's just what I've done I've probably done weirder too it's just off the top I don't think I've done anything too weird I like I mean

I've just done the classics yeah like honestly the weirdest thing I've ever anything too weird. I like to like, I mean. I've just done the classics. Yeah, like honestly, the weirdest thing I've ever done to come, probably fuck a pussy. Fucking asshole. I put a dick in my, I put my dick in someone's ass. That's what's weird. I fucked someone where they pooped. Actually, probably someone's mouth.

As someone who's had a camera stuck down their throat, fucking the pussy in your mouth is weird. It's fucking you. That's why it feels good. I can't open it. I've been given tips. I tell you to get it open and close. Ladies, next time. They kept making me make that noise.

I was just fucking making mental notes. Fidelberg fucking hee-hawing in the hospital to make his mouth pussy open up. Jesus Christ. Open your mouth pussy. The mouth is a good answer. The first person that was like, open the mouth pussy. These 75 hot dogs coming through. Open up this mouth pussy. The first person that was like, I'll put it in my mouth. They're like, what? Yeah. Yeah, man.

The first person that was like, I'll put it in my mouth. They're like, what? Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, I guess we already do some weird shit. Yeah, all the regular sex stuff is weird. It's very weird. Yeah.

I'm trying to think if there's anything out of the ordinary, but I think I've just fucked the regular holes in the regular spots. I think, historically speaking, the butthole makes more sense than the pussy. Because, like, when you grow up jerking off, it's like you just have that little hole. And then, you know, outer space apparently inside. It's quite the illusion there's a whole thing there's a glove on this whole fucking time សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you. Bye.