KFC Radio - Geoffrey Asmus on Doing Standup at the First Barstool Comedy Live Show

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

00:00:00 Start 00:08:44 Kevin's House is def haunted 00:23:06 Do you believe in ghosts? 00:36:16 New Out of Order out now 00:49:44 Geoffrey Asmus joins the show Cometeer Go to https://cometeer.com/KFC to get a free 8-pack and a travel mug when you sign up. Factor Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kfc50 and use code kfc50 to get 50% off. Simplisafe Visit https://SIMPLISAFE.com/kfcradio for a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for a free month trial of Fast Protect Monitoring. Straight Talk Learn More at https://www.straighttalk.com/multiline?utm_medium=BAC&utm_campaign=AW&utm_content=EVRGRN&utm_term=GNRC-%25epid!_%ecid!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I like the uncomfortable. That's what makes me laugh the most. When someone's funny, I'm like, whatever, dude. I don't care. I like when they're making people squirm a little bit. That's what makes me laugh. Tickets are on sale for KFC Radio Live. Click the link in the bio, get yours, come out, and hang with the boys. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

Flying solo today, Feidelberg is in the swamps of Louisiana with Jackie and Mincy. I can't imagine like a worse slash better combo than that. They didn't know

what house they were going to. Mincy and Sidney didn't tell them the address. So they show up in like the neighborhood. They're looking for context clues. John was like pull up Mincy's video when he's selling the watch.

He's in his car. Okay, the car has a Toyota steering wheel. So let's look for a Toyota. So they found a steering wheel. Then there was also a video, I guess, of Sidney and Mincy trying to find the house. And he looked to the lockbox combination. And he was like, oh, this lockbox is set to the same numbers that Sidney and Mincy did on their Twitter. The only problem was Sidney and Mincy were in the wrong spot to begin. So they thought they found the right house because of the lockbox number,

but they were in the wrong house. So it was 3 in the morning. John calls me at like 7 in the morning. He goes, it was 3 in the morning, and I'm wandering the swamps of Louisiana banging on a bunch of doors that belong to a bunch of Cajuns. He's going to get shot. I mean, that's how a true detective happens.

That's how you get fucking shot, dude. You bang and kick. He said they were kind of like trying to push the door in because they were like, this is it. This is the house, but we can't get in. No, you're just banging on the door of some fucking poor people in a little Louisiana swamp. So then Sidney's like, uh, by the way, we're not going out on the boat anymore. Five.

We're going to go at seven because I have food poisoning. Great. So she says, so she says, she goes, um, tell Jackie that I'm in the last door on the left. She can come crash with me.

Jackie was kind of like, I don't really want to crash with you. You got food poisoning, but she goes, tell Jackie last door on the left. She can come crash with me. Jackie was kind of like, I don't really want to crash with you. You've got food poisoning. But she goes, tell Jackie, last door on the left, fights you can sleep wherever. So Feidelberg's like, all right, I'll just grab whatever room. The fights you can sleep wherever just meant there's not another room. Feidelberg slept on a fucking love seat last night. Feidelberg is not a small guy.

No. Like nobody, like Vibs couldn't sleep on a love seat. Feidelberg certainly can't sleep on a love seat. So I think he just sat on a chair for, like he got in at like three, and he like sat on a chair for four hours, and now he's fishing in the swamps of Louisiana. I mean, I can't even, thank God for Feidelberg in this duo. And Feitz really is very good about it where he says yes to everything

and he like challenges himself and he does things out of his comfort zone. He does things for the story. He does things for the video. I never in a million years would have said yes to this. I obviously, because I didn't. And also like the minute I got there and there just wasn't a room for me and be like, all right,

I'm going home. Or I got, you know, catch me at the fucking, the hotel in like downtown new Orleans. Cause I'm not, I'm not doing this. He's a 35 year old man sleeping on a love seat in the swamps of,

of, of new Orleans. Come on. I mean, that is insane. That is so ridiculous, dude. So that's where Feidelberg is. I mean, one of my favorite parts of this, Jackie yesterday, as she was about to leave,

she leaves at five. She hasn't packed. They're leaving at six. And she's like, all right, so I'll edit the podcast on the boat tomorrow. And I'm like, oh yeah, that'll work. I'm like, let right, so I'll edit the podcast on the boat tomorrow. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that'll work. I'm like, let's think ahead to any time you've tried to edit the podcast remote. Jackie can't even edit the podcast from her apartment.

How long are they down there for? Two days, I think, only. So he's sleeping on a loveseat for two days? No, they're sleeping on a boat tonight. They're sleeping on the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. This is the thing.

The boat, the houseboat, he. No, no, no, no. This is the thing. The boat, the houseboat, he was like, it's just a house. He's like, I don't know how they're calling it a houseboat. I think it's just like on, you know, it's probably like on the marina, like on stilts or something. But that is the place they're staying. So I think he just doesn't have room for two days.

That sucks. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what I would do there. It's like, I'm not going to like kick Jackie and Sydney out of their room. Like if it was like YouTube bozos, I'd be like, I don't know. You're sick on the love seat. I'm fucking going in.

I, I can't, I mean, hats off to anybody who's still doing that. I applaud it. I'm just like, I can't anymore. If I slept on a love seat,

I would be out. I'd be out of commission for like a week. That, that love seat is going to like ramp up his snoring. Like it's already bad. Kev, do you remember the flight back from L.A. when we did Something's Burning? Like I don't know. You might have passed out.

I think I zonked out, yeah. I was in the middle and like I was editing. And all night he was keeping people up on the plane over the sound of the engines. So like – I always tell people it's gonna be great you don't understand it people say to me i hope mincy says something i i well that's i don't want to like tell john's whole story here i mean i am but whatever he'll recap it but he said that he got in you know they the flight got delayed of course yeah then they get they land it's a two hour drive so they get in at three thinking they have to leave at like five and mincy's there and he's like

he's like well you know so i got fired by dave and then uh i was doing a brick salesman thing and uh you know and then uh i got the news and all of a sudden i'm hired back and john was like i know i know the whole story already. Do you think he knows who John is? There's a chance he has no idea. There's a strong chance he at least has him confused. I thought you were Coley. I don't know what's going on here.

There's no service down there either. Yeah, I tried calling him and it was cutting in and out. Jackie texted me like, I've got service for, like, five minutes. If you need to tell me something, like, tell me now. This is – And I feel like both of them are people that get seasick. Oh, I could easily see that. Jackie gets carsick, and he throws up at everything.

At everything. So the entire video might be just him throwing up. Seasick, but just being like, yeah, no, I'm just puking. Like, not like it ruined his day. He'd just be, like, fishing and puking. And that's just, like, what he does. I could see Jackie being, like, a wreck. Like, she's going to get sunburned. Not like it ruined his day. He'd just be fishing and puking. That's just what he does. He's Jackie being a wreck. She's going to get sunburned. She's going to get sick.

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you can get a curated starter pack and all of it gets delivered right to your door on that dry ice. So get the eight pack of coffee and a travel mug when you sign up at c-o-m-e-t-e-r.com slash kfc um i also i was gonna save this for barcel radio but i do feel like i need to close the loop because i started the story here on kfc radio i don't even know if I should. I genuinely am torn about making this public because I've done this once before and it didn't help me at all,

but I'm such a slave to the content that I think I just got to say it. I am no longer joking. I think my house is haunted. Oh, your house. It's haunted or you have someone breaking that entering yeah no for real so let me tell you the latest thing i gotta show it to you guys so you understand so there's been a couple weird things beyond the i really do not have an

explanation for that statue the logical okay don't even play yet the logical thing with that statue would tell me that that was in the yard and and nobody saw it and we just missed it but i really genuinely don't think we missed it i think somebody put it there after the fact then the next logical step would be like my neighbors were fucking around the kids do some weird shit. I don't know. There's a house behind me that has parties regularly. They crawled through the fence.

There's a part where there is no fence. I don't know. Looking for a worldly explanation. Then there's some creaks and some cracks. Eventually, one day, I go into the top floor of my house. The second floor of my house didn't have air conditioning for a while. Of course, because I bought a house, the air conditioner broke right away. For the longest time, we weren't even using the upstairs. Downstairs, crashing on couches and beds. I got a window air unit downstairs

because it was just too hot in my kids' rooms. So I admittedly was not up there a lot but one day i go into keegan's room and the windows are just wide open completely open and i i the screens were up too and i was like oh fuck we need a ton of bugs like who did this you know close the screens go back in like it could have been like a week later, for all I know, because we weren't going up there a lot. The screens were wide open again. Because I was leaving the windows open because it was so hot. So the windows were open, but the screens were down.

The screens are all the way up. One of them is a screen. One of them is one of those glass, like, panes instead of a screen. So now I close all of them and i go in the other day and the windows are still closed but the screens are up which i'm like i don't know maybe there's like a spring mechanism or something we have had like some major storms i don't think storms lift up screens but i go in there again and i fucking close them and lock them so now everything's locked so now like and the first time it happened

i was like did i like did i open the screens for some reason and forget so now i've like officially closed them and i'll like keep watch like now i know if something else opens up that like something the fuck is going on so little things like that are happening that are like creepy and a little bit eerie. But you're also just like you probably forgot that you did this. You forgot that you did that. Whatever. The other morning I wake up to this video, the video I just sent. I scrubbed down the kitchen before before I went to bed.

I did the dishes. I took out spray and I washed the countertop. I wake up to this long brown stain that goes the length of my counter that does not touch the sink. It does not touch the ceiling. There's no leak in the wall. And I touch it and I it, and it's sweet. Like, that is a cup of coffee that got spilled, it looks like. That looks like, yeah, somebody, like, stirred coffee.

But it, like, runs the length of the, like, it looks like somebody knocked it over, and it, like, spilled out, and then the cup was gone. Also, what are the odds it would spill? On the spoon. Oh, yeah, and then stay cup was gone. Also, what are the odds it would spill? On the spoon. Oh, yeah, and then stay like right there, right. So, A, I don't have a coffee. I don't drink coffee. Nobody in my house drinks coffee. I don't even have a coffee machine.

There's no cup. There's no touching. If it went all the way to the sink, I would be like something from the sink, but you see there's like an inch in between. There was a lot of rain, but there was no water around the window. There's no leak from the ceiling. None of that. And then today, last night I went to get ice cream. This one's maybe a little more explainable, but I don't really know. I was, I've been crushing a pint of ice cream for like a year straight. Everybody knows that. And I've been trying to cut back on it.

So I've been getting a bowl and rather than just eating it straight out of the fucking pint, I've been putting it in a bowl and I got the bowl out. And then I was like, eh, fuck it. I'm going to eat the whole thing. So,

but I left the bowl on the counter this morning. There was a fork, a fresh fork in the bowl. And I did not get a fork out for my ice cream. Cause who the fuck would do that and it wasn't like i used a fork for dinner and then like threw it it was a fresh fork in the bowl and only you were home yeah there's nobody like working on the house nobody in or no and so like i sent it to my dad there's this guy uh on on uh on twitter and tiktok that i like this guy who helped me uh

fix my shower once he actually started doing like a tiktok and a twitter for like home renovation stuff so i sent it to him i sent it to my dad being like is there any way the um the dishwasher is there so it's like maybe can water like seep up through somehow and like can this happen but the thing also is like it's sweet so i was like it's not just like brown water because maybe something did leak and whatever you know it was sweet and i i've been asking people and they all kind of go like oh that's pretty crazy so how's work going and blah blah blah i'm like no no wait wait what like back it up what the fuck do i do i think that we have to hire somebody like a ghost hunter what are the what was that show called where they would come in and see like if there's paranormal activity yeah i think we

gotta do it i'm not worried what's that one movie there's a movie like there's someone's living that's what so it's called that frog frogging or something no there's that movie but there's another one too oh i forget who the actress is the frogging or whatever movie is actually like very it's a real thing they're just like homeless people who live in like your walls and live in your attic and they like they stay really still during the day and then they when you're out you they like live in your house that's what it's i'd be more worried about that honestly like that that's i'm kind of i I was like, do I need to, like, I mean, I guess I got to, I should just have an alarm system and everything anyway.

But, like, do I call the police? Do I, like, what the fuck do you do when it's, like, if that was, if there was a crime that had been committed, that would have been, like, crime scene evidence. It would have been, like, hey, let's look at this spill. And I know I didn't wake up in the middle of the night. Actually, I did go downstairs, but I know

I wasn't sleepwalking. I was conscious and all that shit. There's no brown liquid. There's no... My vote is you put some flour sprinkled on the floor at night, and then we see if there's footprints in the morning. Do you not have cameras?

Go boxcar charging with us. I think the first step before I even do – Cameras first, and then private investigator second. Yeah. You should hire somebody here to be – John Rich. John Rich, private investigator. John Rich, investigator, yeah. He is more ghoulish though

what if it's just him doing his next video yeah it's an episode of the smoke show I'm gonna fucking kill Tommy that'd be amazing

I I just like so here's I was thinking to myself like what happens when you fucking

blow a bag on a fucking haunted house and I was thinking to myself like what happens when you fucking blow a bag on a fucking haunted house and i was thinking to myself i'm good because i won't sell it i'll flip it into like a haunted attraction we're gonna monetize this fucking thing because i honestly if you were into paranormal shit it's all well and good to be like this is the house where like the baby was murdered and its soul is unresting like you can do all that but also what if i just tell you like yo there's just weird quirky shit that goes on here like it feels more realistic that like to me if if there is some sort of paranormal world i think they they are stuck right they're like the idea would be

like they're stuck between afterlife and real life and they're like trying to make contact like if you've ever seen the movie ghost it's an old ass movie so you guys probably haven't seen it but like patrick swayze's dead and he needs to like focus all of his energy to be able to move one penny in the real world. So like in movies, it's like the ghost can like grab a fucking knife and stab you or whatever. In real life, it's probably like, all it can do is like knock something over or put a spoon in it.

You know what I mean? So like that sort of shit, while it's not like necessarily dangerous, feels more like if you were legitimate about ghost hunting, you'd be like, these are actually the things we look for because it's just quirky weird shit happening do you have any information on the house on who lived there before do they give you that yes um ironically

um the mass murder no no but i mean i should i shouldn't have even, I just, I'm just dunking on myself here. The original guy built an entire fucking dope ass house for his mistress. And the wife like found out about it apparently and was like, nah, this ain't happening. So like, I think they like turned the house, they like, she lived in the house or something like that. But it was originally made for like a side chick. That's the wife. And maybe, you know, she doesn't like my history. So she's back to haunt.

I don't know. But I was like, it's a real mind fuck when you are like, when you're like, I can't explain this. Even the window thing, like I said, you close it and it springs open and you don't realize it or something. Yeah, the window, I grew up in a house that was like 100 years old. And those old weighted ones, sometimes if you grease the sides at all the weights would just open it yeah so maybe it's that that one isn't too crazy it's like the silverware in the sink that yeah even this even the fork this morning like maybe i just was walking by and i you know scrubbing and i needed to move the fork to wash something but the stain is just like nobody was down here. Nobody drinks coffee. There is no – it's just not connected to anything else.

The moving of the statue, I will say that was a thing we did as teenagers. We would just switch like people's lawn decorations with their neighbor and just like hope that they got in a fight with each other. To be fair, I left that like – that was a crossroads for me where I was like, do I take this down or I leave this up? Yeah. And I what? I think so. I think that's the right call. So I was like, I feel like moving it is like if there is something weird going on, you're like you're like opening the door or something like by moving it and like releases them or some shit. I mean, as of right now, I also would be cool with like I live in a house where there's like benevolent ghosts i don't i don't necessarily think that everybody who's a ghost has to be you know an

axe murderer what if it's just like this is like i got trapped here and i just kind of like live here and every now and then sorry i knock over a cup of coffee i'm more worried that there's just like someone in my house drinking a cup of coffee a cup of coffee a cup of coffee that's gross i mean i guess you can't be positive of that but i'm like you know i guess i got to set up drinking a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee. That's gross. I mean, I guess you can't be positive of that, but I'm like, you know, I guess I got to set up cameras. Other things would have happened. Yeah, like I didn't like,

that means I like got all the way downstairs. Also like there was no cup. There was no, like there would have been other evidence of a drink or something, you know? I just don't know, man. With the busy fall season just around the corner, kids are going back to school.

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Code KFC50, 50% off today. Do you believe in this shit? I believe in what you were saying about almost like purgatory. I believe there's still people here. So then if you believe in that, that means then, so do you believe in like heaven and hell no that's the other thing but what so like what do you i believe in energy like your energy can still be there like you haven't really but so like where if you're stuck in purgatory that implies that you're stuck like in between

something like what's the other thing that's true or do you think it's like i guess it's more of like an interstellar type thing we're like so that's so that's kind of what i was saying the other day is like interstellar isn't a ghost it's like a time travel thing where it's like it feels like a ghost but it's actually if you were to time travel you would realize you know the only way you can interact is through like energy and shit like that that i'm more prone to believe than like dead soul you know and it's like i'm trying to get through the gates to this afterlife and now I can't. Have you ever spoken to a medium?

No, I don't like that shit. Then jiggle your mic. It just keeps sour. I've never spoken to a medium. I don't like... Nothing. I don't like that stuff. I feel like I...

Because I don't want to know. It's like when we do those ATI questions, like, do you want to know how you're going to die? I'm like, the last thing I want to hear is like, you've got, you know,

a dark, like, you know, presence around you. And I'm like, fuck. And that's on my mind forever. I'd rather be like,

ignorance is bliss. That's why I'm also inclined to just like, bury my head in the sand and just keep on living. And be i don't know i spent too much money to move i mean as ever it's it's a very strange thing that like i was absolutely scared like in the sense i was like i can't explain this and i don't know what that means but i was also just like i gotta go to work. Time to do the podcast. I got to keep going on life. And so like, it's a weird thing where I always said to myself, like if I lived in a house like that,

I would pick my family up and leave no matter what the cost, no matter what this or that. And I'm just like, no, I don't know. It's just not very practical in the real world. I mean, obviously if like bad shit started happening, but like there's never been any night terrors or anything really scary. It's just things

where I'm just like, how the fuck is this possible? I had a friend whose house, growing up, it was these three girls, and weird shit would happen. They would hear guitar strings

start plucking in the middle of the night. CD players would turn on. All this weird shit would happen. That was always, it was fun to fucking sleep over there because it was like oh what the fuck's gonna happen here and it was in the middle of the woods so you weirdos i would not want to do that the people who were

like oh it's like scary let's go i'm like no no no thank you we usually we get fucking wrecked first uh but like but like did it so like they just lived in that house and nothing happened and it was just like weird shit goes down? Yeah, they were saying it was just like spooky shit would happen every now and then. I mean I would actually love if you could like somehow guarantee me this. I think it would be very cool if I knew that there was like – it was friendly. Because I would – I kind of – I like don't believe in religion really anymore and I don't think I believe in like a heaven and hell, but I do kind of believe in energy. And they say,

you know, you can't create or destroy energy that it's all just like there. And kind of it, maybe, maybe that, maybe that means some form of reincarnation. Maybe it means time travel, interstellar type shit.

I do believe in things like that. Cause I, I just think there are stories of the unexplained and weird shit. There's that. But like, and, and if it was just like, I just think there are stories of the unexplained and weird shit. Sometimes it happens because of I don't know why. I used to live in this house and I'd just float around and hang out here or whatever. I'd be like, okay, but you can't harm me. There's that experiment they did too where somebody knew they were going to die so they agreed to die in a uncontaminated room right where it's like their weight changed it changed by

like 0.01 grams or whatever and they were like nothing in the room changed that is the only thing and we don't know can we google that is that real because i know that the dude might have just been a break also wrote a book about that yeah and i and i was like is this and he usually bases some things in facts but i was like is that a real story or that's definitely where i learned about it now that i think of it it was either that or maybe breaking bad also talked about it i yeah i definitely know people talk about it but yeah the man who tried to weigh the soul so i feel like also he did it in 1907 i don't trust that oh you got to do it like better evidence yeah yeah that was if if somebody you know did that today in like a completely hermetically sealed room or some shit but he was probably like i closed the door to my cabin

yeah 21 grams is like a yeah 21 grams is the idea i thought that was the soul ways or whatever this feels a little bit like you know people uh let's clip that first part though put inspirational music and like throw it up on tiktok call it a day i'm a strong believer like we were saying before about like the interstellar thing because even like the james webb uh telescope thing that that's pretty much kind of proven it everything that we're doing right now has already happened in like a different time like yeah like they have to cross it that telescope is so powerful it's time travel it's crazy to me but it's i mean it's not really it's just that our viewing of the material has already occurred but that's no different than like that's a regular thing and you watched it you know what mean? Like you're basically looking at film,

but I get the concept of like what you're watching unfold has already happened. And so maybe there's other examples of that that we can't even, I also think that if there, if, if any of this stuff is to be true, if there's like a fourth dimension or something like that, like our brains can't even like wrap our head around that yet. when that ufo stuff where they say there's people who go inside of

like a a space that's this big and they get inside of it and it's bigger on the inside than it is the outside and our brains just like can't comprehend that but maybe if you like lived another thousand years you'd be like no no there's like ways where rooms can be bigger than you know what i mean like we just it's like it does not compute our brains just can't handle that so like if you were to say that there's like this this way that like you live long enough that you come back around and then you can only interact through energy i'd be like what but if you were a thousand years old you'd be like oh yeah yeah that's the same thing as like blah blah you know it would just be like second nature to you I I don't know I but I am not too thrilled about it

because it's a dope house the house is so sick I really have not shown it at all because I'm like gonna get these renovations done and they're, they're about to start like soon. And it's like, I was like waiting for, I wanted to do like a, a home series where it's like going to show the before and after and everything. And when I think it's done,

I mean, it's got like this very old look and a ton of character, but it's, you know, it needs to be modernized and all this shit. And I'm like, this is when it's all done. Like everybody who comes to my house from like people who people who come over to, like, delivery men who just, like, show up.

They're like, yo, this is fucking amazing. But also doesn't that feel like the place that's haunted, you know? Like, if you just have, like, a, if you just built, like, a square house, like, a modern, like, square, like, it can't be haunted. You know what I mean? Like, I have, like, a spire and a turret. It looks like a modern like square like it can't be haunted you know what i mean like i have like a spire and a turret looks like a castle it's like characters yes yeah it's like oh i have like these archways and and this like there's like this woodwork and these weird like carvings and it's like stained glass like yeah okay now you're just like opening the door for you to be haunted you know but if you just lived in like a those Malibu on the beach houses, it'd be like, I'm not haunting that thing.

That thing has no character. So I'm going to get an alarm system and just a good old camera. Because I also feel like if Pete, I bet you if I put cameras everywhere, it'll stop because they don't get caught. So maybe that's the... Brother, do I have good news for you. You can get yourself

simply safe for this house. Let's go. Is it actually... It's actually simply safe. It's their third app. It is so fucking perfect. The whole time you've been saying this, I'm like, I think you can take care of the very first thing you have to do is rule out that like someone is breaking into my house.

Yeah. So I absolutely, I'm going to go get simply safe.com. Listen, I got house issues. I've been talking about it. Everybody knows it. I might have real house issues. I might have real house issues i might have surreal house issues and so i'm going to get simply safe up to the new crib asap no jokes no lie this is not even for you know trying

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alarm wireless indoor camera available with the fast protect monitoring plan the 24 7 live guard protection and the new smart alarm indoor camera works seamlessly as a part of the entire simply safe security system to keep your whole safe, hate, keep your holes to keep your whole home safe from break-ins fires, flooding, and more right now. KFC radio listeners get a special 20% off any simply safe system.

When you sign up for a free month of trial of fast protect monitoring this special offer is a limited time only visit simply safe.com slash kfc radio that's simply safe s-i-m-p-l-i safe.com slash kfc radio there's no safe like simply safe i mean i definitely need to feel safer so i forgot about the gigantic spiders i uh what there's also the gigantic spiders i mean that thing was fucking huge dude wait i'll go back to it look at that i mean that that that was but like but like the exterminator came yeah they're all gone i had like a bee problem they sprayed the bees they're all gone i would say one thing that i really have working in my favor, I think, I have a ton of wildlife. Like I have these four deer

that come by very often. I have two rabbits, I think, or maybe three rabbits that live literally on the property. Foxes come by. I feel like animals like sense that shit and they are out with a quickness.

I think that if animals come around, it's usually generally like a safe place. So I'm like, maybe there is something but they're cool. Maybe it's a fucking homeless person breaking into my house. Nothing showed up dead on the property, right? There was that mutilated squirrel.

But that's like a lawnmower thing, right? No, I think, I mean yeah, that's explainable. I think a hawk ripped it to shreds. Oh, yeah. And then I watched the fox come and just pick up the dead carcass and run away with it. But like, but like, so me, like I'm a city slicker and like I'm a city boy and people who are, who have like grown up in the, in the country are like, yo, you city slicker. You don't know, like, this is what it's like out here. Like animals get fucking wrecked and like, you know, bugs and shit are all over the place i'm like fuck i legit maybe it's just because it's my like experience but i'm like bring me back to like the gun range and the fucking homeless people and like people fighting in the streets fireworks going off like teenage kids like you know being like little assholes like all that shit i can deal with that so i I would rather human stuff

than animal or unexplainable. You know, I don't like any of that other shit. I'd rather like yell at my neighbors who are like fucking drug dealers than deal with fucking bugs and shit. Yeah, man. And I guess, you know, if anybody out there, like like i don't want to do like i i need like a semi-legit i don't need like a ghost hunter goofball i want someone who's like i study this and i can like you know sage your house or some shit oh what i forgot no no i forgot i had like a priest or someone reach out to my dms that'll come like bless your house i almost feel like the priests are the weird ones they're like gonna invite it in or some shit you know i love that everyone yeah i know that'll make it fuck the priests

so i don't know let me know what you think all right we got we'll get into our interview with jeffrey awesomest who is uh if i had to if i had to pick the next comic that's about to break through the next kind of sam murill mark normand i think it's jeffrey jeff is uh he did our first dollar slices live show he just put out his new special uh the only funny white comedian he is you know putting up six-figure views on his first youtube special like he he's next uh and he had a very funny interview with me and john so we'll get into that we'll do voicemails in a minute uh first the latest episode of out of order is out um mikey pabs it's it's it's as we're recording this, it's drop day, which is, is it a good thing? When you reach this point, are you at peace with it, or are you guys tinkering and editing up until the last minute?

Every single episode, we've tinkered up until it's not crossed. I feel like until you drop it, you're making changes, like material changes. Like, oh, we've got to move this around on the episode. So you must be bugging right now. I think this is by far the most comfortable we've been on an episode. With the little amount of time that we've had to do everything. We did this all in one week. It was really three days

of shooting, three days of editing. It all got done. I think it's all ready to go. And I think Fights agrees as well that it's our best episode. I feel like we've said that every week. It's amazing. We got all used to the old ones, but I think this is as well that it's like our best episode. So I'm pretty sure we've said that every week. It's amazing. Yeah. But that's how you know, you're doing something material where we got all used to the old ones,

but I think this is like my personal favorite. How many skits are there? There's a bunch of this one. Oh, there's five, five. Yeah. That's a lot.

How long is it? It's 17 minutes, 16 minutes. Yeah. Um, I feel like people don't realize how, how it's like, it's every other week,

right? Oh no, it's once a month. Once a week, right? Oh, no, it's once a month. Once a month. Second Wednesday of every month. So it feels like that's a long time, but it's really not. Because it's just like, sure, you could just film very early in the month and then give yourself all these weeks to edit.

A, it's not totally realistic to do it that way, but John's doing his his uh his outdoors trip and like you got like four or five schedules to organize passes on the road we go on the road they go on the road uh you know the podcast is like oh we got to do three episodes a week oh now we're doing barcelona radio like all these things happen and you're like all of a sudden it's like fuck we only have like four days out of that you know when you think about a couple weeks here and there and if you have you know five or six of them free that's a lot if you have like a full slate schedule of you know life in front of you so all of a sudden it's like i'm sure you guys are like oh like i bet right now you put an episode

out you're like like we're good for a little bit yeah we really not because it's like you know that friday we usually film something. Cause that's crazy. It just starts right up. It's a, it is. Things don't work. Like if something doesn't work.

So that's another thing. Yeah. But you have an idea. You think it's funny. You film it. You're like that totally bombed. And now we wasted two days on that, you know,

fuck. So we throw that out. Uh, or like, you know, you put it together. You're like, shit,

we need one more. We got to get back. You got to rent a room. Oh, that room is not available till next weekend. Like, so all of a sudden, you know, it feels like once a month and all of a, you're like, shit, we need one more. We got to get back. You got to rent a room. Oh, that room is not available until next weekend. So all of a sudden, it feels like once a month, and all of a sudden, you're like, it feels like it creeps up on you every single time. I feel the same way when we go on the road. We usually do once a month.

We go to a three-city tour. And every time I'm done, I'm like, all right. That one's in the books. We sold our tickets. We did good shows. I'm all set. And then it's like two weeks go by. And then you're like, you always start thinking, okay, well, next week I'm gone.

After two weeks, you're saying, next week I'm gone. It's like, it's just right there again. So that never-ending, it's like Sisyphus, just constantly creating, editing, putting out, creating, creating editing putting out has got to be a grind has it uh like when it dropped it was like anything else barstool it's the new shiny toy and everybody loves it and it was like this odd couple of feidelberg and sass and and then greer gets in the mix and like everything kind of like is people are from different circles of barstool fandom are coming together all this shit has that like worn off or settled in or is that still going strong like where is the i think that like the first time that sass and fights got into a room we did that adoption sketch yeah and like

the chemistry was like there right away and then in this most recent one you'll just see that like even in like the aids bit that we did that was like the first time i was like wow like they really like they're on the back yeah they like no and then the one the last sketch in this one it's like it's three minutes straight we neither of them break once and like i don't do any editing it's just like one of those true detective long shots you know there is nobody that commits to their role harder than fights. It's incredible. It's insane. He had to pretend that shampoo was getting in his eyes. And he just full-blown was just shoving shampoo into his eyes.

We don't even need to do any editing because his eyes are already red. I was going to say that's a guy who he would be like, just punch me in the face. No, no, just break my nose. I'll bleed for the role. When he did the OAR music video, which I think people just forget he was like the star of the music video and like a it wasn't like a it was like a get up and dance and interact like he was the focal point of a music video he brought that energy for two days straight where like the director was like this is

one of the most impressive things i've seen i'm almost happy we're talking about this while he's not here because he would never let me do it but like when i when i started to do the business side of the comedy thing like it was pre-dave and so at that point we were still uh very much like we're trying to become this billion dollar company and in the comedy world i have like you know a million contacts now and a lot of people over the years who have been like yo i'd love to work with barstool so in my mind i was like i'm gonna do this this this thing and i'm gonna bring in this guy this guy this girl this group this team this podcast this show this sketch show and we're gonna just like be like the wwe just have like all the best talent but but i also was like aside from the external stuff there are people

internally that we need to like maximize and i off the rip i was thinking of like tommy is like very funny and very underutilized and rudy is like coming into his own and then i saw out of order and i was like the number one person here is vitalberg yeah like i wish i could get in his head more and like we know he doesn't have like the the confidence and like i don't think any of us do but i think he's getting more of it now as he's doing this and people are like really like impressed with him but even the pot he's been so good on the pot like he's making me laugh on the podcast where i'm like i'm his co-host and i'm supposed to be doing my own shit and i'm just howling laughing at the the quickness the wit the

way he tells the story the way he's like his brain is working and i mean it's it's just probably too late in life now but like if he were to create a stand-up routine with his stories and his, like, he always comes in here with like, like I come in with a personal story. Like my house is haunted. He comes in with like a, I was thinking about this the other day.

And it's like, that's the way like comedian brains work. And now that I'm like, Oh, you're also just like straight up an actor. And he's got like, and then also then you factor in the fact that he's not like a diva because he's not actually an actor he's not actually a uh you know a 20 million

dollar stand-up so when he's on set he's like what do you guys want to do you want to fucking i'll rub shampoo in my eye i'll go for 20 hours straight i'll do whatever it takes because he has that like barstool mentality and i'm like i i can't do it, but I'm like, if I was a movie house, if I was a producer, if I was an agency or something, I'd be like, go invest in this guy because he's way, way undervalued, underpaid, underutilized.

I think that's the main thing I'm trying to do with this comedy thing is just get the word out that like all of these shows are successful all of these people are hilarious uh you know like son of a boy dad just started last year and you know they're they're doing downloads that are a a like what should be a very profitable show same thing with anus which i always thought Anus was kind of like, these guys are just fucking around and they don't even want to have sponsors. They just want to do counterculture jokes

and fuck with people at Barstool. Nope. They have enough downloads that they should have four or five ads a show. Look at Out of Order is performing on the same level as One Minute Man. Please end this at the same level as 4Play Vlogs. Everything in comedy, the only job left to do is get sales and the and like the the industry to know like to realize like i just

want to be like uh everybody here is like some of the funniest fucking people on the internet you got a rap battle champion sass is an emerging comedy star you've got like weird brains like tommy and caroline you've got you know like tom uh nick and kb are like some of those talented writers in the world like i don't know you know sometimes at barstool it's like if you're not dave you're like getting overshadowed you know but these guys still cast their own shadow i mean they're they're all like very very talented and someone like vitalberg is never gonna like say it or do it or even believe it unfortunately that's just the cross he bears and the way he is because i think part of it is is i think that people who really make it are

delusionally confident where you're like that's where the diva shit comes in where you're just like i am the greatest and i think we could all use a little bit of that what sucks is there's no in between it's either like you are john and you're like, no, I'm not funny. Or you're like, you know, get me all the, you're not allowed to look at me in the eyes on my rider. And, you know, I need all blue M&Ms in the bowl and all that sort of shit. So I feel like I just, I just want people to know it. Like I want him to know it, but I also know know I don't know if I can get into his brain. But aside from me as his friend and his co-host, just what I'm doing now, almost starting to learn how to evaluate i saw like the level of talent and what he can do and the like how much he works versus like what he's paid what he's viewed as

what he the credit he gets i'd be like that's the opportunity is right there you know it's like we all know what the superstars are there's no more opportunity there what you got to find are the people who are who are not being you know uh utilized the right way and that i mean he is he has that shit in spades. So I'm hoping out of order is like the coming out party, not only for, for him professionally, but like personally where, I mean, the, the feedback is so good every time that eventually I know he says, I don't read comments and, and he's always like, if you believe the good ones and you can't believe, then you have to believe the bad ones.

And I get all that, but also there's gotta just be something, whether it's conscious or subconscious, where you just start to turn a little bit when you're like, everybody likes this and everybody says I'm funny. And the people editing it are impressed with you. The people watching it, love it. The,

and the, and then like, I've been, I've been with him since the beginning where I'm like, yeah, there was definitely a time where he was like, not mailing it in, but he was just like, I write my blogs and that's it. Or he was still partying and fucking around and he was still just kind of like, this is a job.

And now it's like a career and a life and a passion. And he's starting to do it that way. And I think it really, really shows. So I hope that he realizes it one day. But even if he doesn't, I just hope the audience does. Because he'll like, you guys will get to the point where he'll do some Tom Cruise shit. He'll be like, no, I'll just jump off the building. Don't worry. I'll just land in the pile of garbage.

It'll be okay. He'll be like, okay, roll, like action. So please go watch Out of Order. Not only is it very funny and worth the watch, but the people who work on it are putting like everything into it at a time at Barstool when like, you know, we need more of that to be the norm again, like everybody pouring like their entire life into it. So that's exactly what out of order is. So go watch that. It's on the Barstool comedy, uh, YouTube. And, uh, let's get into our interview with Jeffrey Ausmus. Are you paying too much for your wireless plan? Straight Talk just introduced their new Straight Talk multi-line plan where more lines means more savings. Just $25 a line per month when you get four lines with unlimited data, talk, and text

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you need on your cell phone. That's Straight Talk, talking straight from Straight Talk Wireless, available at Walmart and Walmart.com. Dude, that's a very funny thought. That's a very funny concept that there's been a couple times throughout history that like new shit drought for bums. Yeah, the cold 45 was a big day. That day, like 40s were a man. That jug of port wine they drink sometimes.

This old mad dog. Like, when those hit the market. Yeah, mad dog, yeah. Imagine you're drinking, like, Cult 45 for, like, years on end, and all of a sudden you can have some, like, fruity malt liquor. It's, like, kind of cool. It's like pirate water. It's in a little can like that.

Like, I remember when pirate water dropped in 23. I don't know if this is what we want for marketing, but I hope Bum Drink is right. I hope it's a literal Bum Drink. They got money. They got $2, too. That's what they spend their money on. That's fine. I mean, yeah, I don't care if it's $2 from a rich man or a poor man.

Let's go. $2 is $2. Money is money, pirate water. I went to, you referenced a big jug of wine. When I was like 17, I worked down at the docks. Wow. What is this, 1835? I might have been 16.

You came across on the Mayflower and you worked at the docks. I worked at this Bon Jovi songs over here. Down on the dock. Bro, it was like a job. I would just move rocks. It was like a job that they had to come and do. Was this a prison thing? It sounds like a convict thing. North Korea? I was going to say it was like Russia. that they had in communists. Was this a prison thing? It sounds like a convict thing.

I was going to say, it was like Russia. Everyone has 100% employment. I'd go in the next day, they'd be like, move that pile of rocks there. I was like, I moved it there yesterday. I was strong at 16. It was like in holes. They're trying to teach you how to be a man. They're trying to teach you how to be a better person.

But we'd get to work at like 7 a.m. And there was this guy who was borderline bum. The only thing separating him from being a bum was this job. That's me in some spots sometimes at the cellar. I'm like, I need this. You'd be surprised how close I am. I'm closer than you'd think, yeah. And he would get there.

And we'd get there. And he would just be sitting in his car. And he'd finish one bottle of Jolly's. I don't know if he when he started it but he would leave it right next to his car every day just a jug of wine and i was like that dude wait wait like the glass the big yeah the port wine yeah yeah he was he's a portuguese man and like i was like that dude i was like talking to my friend i was like that dude sets an alarm to get drunk every time to start he could just sleep and an alarm to get drunk every morning. Time to start. He could just sleep and then come to work.

And every morning, he's like, all right. Wow. Some people go to the gym. It's always like videos of frat guys as the biggest partiers. But it's the bums. They know how to party the best. Really? Yeah.

They're just sipping a jug of wine a day. They're not flashy. They're not flashy. They're not going to punch a hole in the wall. Yeah. They're not creating content over it. But they're just living that drunk life under the radar game yeah dude i remember when i was first started drinking and uh like in our town uh it was very like sitcom or cartoonish it was like the jocks and there was the preppy kids and

then like i was hanging out with like a bunch of the puerto rican kids and like the black kids and so it was very like segment. Not a 90s sitcom then. They don't have that on NBC in the 90s. It was more of a Netflix. The preppies were like leading the drinking charge. And they were the ones playing beer pong and flip cup and all like the fun games. And I was like, for whatever whatever reason i was like nervous or like embarrassed i wasn't going to be good at it so we were the guys being like i don't need to

play games to drink and we would sit around drinking fucking malt liquor 40s i'm drinking warm 40s rather than like playing games having fun we're already sad about life. We don't need fucking games. Life sucks. Geometry's hard. We're going to drink. You're 15, dude. Relax. I was similar. I've been unable to get out of that character my entire life. I committed to a bit at 15.

You're a good actor. We made fun of the kids who drank. I was kind of religious in high school. We were like, you guys are losers. That's not what you should do with your life. Wow. You guys are lame. I was kind of religious in high school. We were like, you guys are losers. That's not what you should do with your life. Wow, you guys are lame. I was a huge nerd. I actually don't care what you do as long as you don't judge.

The unlikely thing, in my high school, the mean kids were the theater kids. Oh, yeah. I was adjacent to that. We were like, why are they so fucking mean? I was the math team, bro. That exists.

I was like Quiz Bowl. I was like, I'm smarter than you fucking... Where are you from? Minnesota. I went to a little Catholic school. Dude, I was just in Minneapolis. Minneapolis is awesome. What a great place. I went to kink night at Gay 90s. Oh, shit. Oh, wow.

Was that fun? Did you learn a little kink? It was very fun. What kink did you like? Dude, they were – it was actually like – it was almost like – obviously, it was circus-esque. But they were just bringing guys up there and just like whipping. The crowd was reacting like they were whipping lions. It was like hitting their stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. And then hitting the dick. That sounds fun. Yeah, it was awesome you in the stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! And then hitting you in the dick and being like, ah! That sounds fun. Yeah, it was awesome. Human mutilation. Yeah, bro. Let's go. That's better than a bar just playing SportsCenter.

That was great. But you know what was weird? I didn't see a guy get whipped. Yeah. It was like, walked out. The bar's called Gay 90s, but they had this special night called Kink Night. So we walked in. Yeah, that's a famous bar in Minneapolis.

And they're like, do you want to pay extra for the extra show? And we're like, yeah, for sure. And then we go into that. And then we stuck around for maybe an hour or so. And then I went to the regular bar, Gay 90s. And that was just all sports. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? I thought it was going to be like the gay bar was just a sports bar.

The gay people got broed out too. I'm telling you, everything in the world is just flip-flopping. Yeah, right. Wait, so did you have like a rum spring a moment where you no longer were religious or you just kind of faded out? Yeah, my friends pressured me into having a party after we graduated when my parents were gone, and then I tried some Rumpelmints and I was into it right away.

It was so funny. I was like, this is good. I couldn't talk to girls. That's what I needed. A shot of Rumpelmans that I could brother. That story is tail as old as I was. So I couldn't talk to a girl until I did a shot of mouthwash. I was like, oh, women are just boring.

I need some alcohol before I can look them in the eye. That's what it is. I remember puking outside of, out the window of a cab, gone off a bottle of Rumpelmints. And, uh. I feel like that's a high school drink. I haven't had it since. It's disgusting. Well, I mean, it was, it was, it was well after high school, but I was still young. I was like early, mid twenties.

I was probably 24 just puking out of the back thinking that i was like getting it out the window and not realizing that the wind was just like pushing it into the like the back of an uber it was a i think it was a yellow cab oh man really bad oh this pakistani guy he was screaming at you i come to this country yeah this is back when imagine if you were one of those guys that paid like a million dollars for your medallion and then like uber started and it's just like it's all it's worth yeah right it's all for nothing in the family you could have just had a million dollars cash and now you is that what they had to pay to get that i think at the peak of like yellow cabs was a million dollars holy yeah i was just watching a suits episode uh where a yellow cab driver takes harvey

to court and that was 500 grand then yeah i mean but that uber started it was just like nope they're just like nope anyone with a ford toy ford torres from 2003 if you order a xl and you get a non-extra large car i think that person should lose their like that's a felony yeah yeah exactly i've told this story before like i for whatever reason it might be throwing because of bars bars or whatever. I heard about it. I was the first person to hear about it from my friends. So we'd be out. I'd be like, I'll get us a car.

And they'd be like, well, what is this? And a suburban would roll up with a guy in a suit. You have a driver, dude? They think you have a Raya app for cars. Like, oh, rich guys only. OK. And then as it grew, capitalism ruins everything. And then as it grew, capitalism ruins everything. And then as it grew, it's like a guy will show up with like a...

I was going to Long Island, and I was going with like four people, and I got an Uber XL, and a guy showed up in a CRV and was like, can one of you just lay down in the back? Dude, we're driving two hours. That's called kidnapping when someone lays down in the trunk for two hours. Yeah, you know it went off the rails. We got like white moms doing Uberber they're talking to you female uber driver i was like you're crazy yeah yeah it's a little more common now but the first time i saw it i was like they're like my

kids in the front seat no swearing buckle up for jeremy yeah i hate that shit i like when they can't talk to you they can't't speak English. It's great. I like that. I use Uber a lot to send things. Like I'll forget like the kids. Oh, you can like deliver stuff? Well, kind of. Yeah.

So my kids will like forget like, you know, their stuffed animal or toy or something. I got to send it back to their mom's house. And rather than just driving there and back, whatever, I'll just send it in an Uber. And like 99% of the time, it's all all good and this one guy the other day refused me and i was like pissed off about it you know which is the easiest ride regular uber and i just like i text the guy as he's as it's like coming to my house and i'm like you know just let you know like i'm not gonna go but i like i'll just i'm gonna give you a bag and then when it gets there i'll have someone come out i've never heard god you know some guys rubbed his dick

on that stuffed animal he's taking it out and been like oh you're using me as a courier you little bitch i'm gonna make you i'm gonna put some sweat on this you have just ruined a very convenient thing wow teddy bear like that i mean i do it like once a week no i forgot like my spider-man costume whatever it's like he's probably putting it on he's putting it on like oh it looked pretty good but the one the one guy was like i'm not doing that he goes i take people i don't take things and i was like what the fuck is your problem but then i was thinking like what I'm not doing that. He goes, I take people. I don't take things. And I was like, what the fuck is your problem? But then I was thinking, what if that was just a brick of code? Yeah, right. At first, I was like, what the fuck is your problem, man?

And then I was like, this is a completely valid thought. It's this non-labeled box with a code on it that you don't know. Don't worry. It's just a kid's toy. It's a child's toy. It's a fucking gun. You're describing a movie called The Transporter, right? Expect Jason Statham carried a pretty hefty feat. child over it's a fucking gun you're describing a movie called the transporter right expect jason

statham carried a pretty hefty fee to drive he's getting like you know uh it's three dollar tip yeah he gave me five stars for getting a felony trafficking i i've recently discovered uh the value of instacart like I was a DoorDash guy where I'll get little things delivered. Oh, sure, yeah. But you can get any. You can get a toothpaste. But you can go to Lowe's now

and get fucking... Oh, they'll give you lumber? Yeah, like lumber. I mean, I haven't done lumber yet, but I've done... I just got a house i'm doing a lot of like renovations delivered a house i haven't done it was like a fuck i got like a hose an extension cord a pump like all these things i got a fucking bucket of baseballs and

a bat delivered the other day really yeah i was just like i told you i was having that play date with my with my kid's friend and i was, shit, I don't have his baseball gear. And it was too late to go. That's not bad. And I'm sure I paid $900 for a bucket of balls. But you can just get everything delivered now. The society is just going to be delivery people and people who get delivered to you.

Those are the two races now. That's all there is. That's it. There's no white or black or whatever. It's just do you get delivered or deliver? Are you in delivery or do you receive? That's the question we ask everyone. Yeah, that's all it is.

I have a top in this life right now. Sometimes you're a bottom. We were talking about that. We had Sypha Sounds on yesterday, and he was talking about that when he was explaining clubs now, I was like, he's just explaining society. And I mean, it's something I've seen, like, thinking about it.

Like his nightclub, like going to nightclubs now? Yeah, he's like, they're all live plays for three people. And he's like, he's explaining the downfall of nightclubs because back when he used to DJ, everyone was on the dance floor and all this stuff, and now it's all booths and stuff like that. Oh, because you can't afford the booth you're just like he said really that bottle service is what ruined the like the club oh because he would come in and be like you got to get rid of

those two tables there's like they're on the dance floor and they'd be like no no that's for like vip and then it became four tables and eight tables and oh no there's no dance floor right and then it just became like you come and you drop $50,000. So you get girls and bottles. And there's like two or three people that do that. And then the rest of the people there are just like there to be the entertainment. Just to make it seem like there's a party going on. Right. Yes.

Wow. Because like you make another like $5,000 on the rest of the bar buying drinks. But all they care about is the three tables. But they just care about those three guys. Oh, shit. And then when that becomes lame, the promoter has already started at a new club where he's making that cool and building it up and it just kind of which actually is interesting i think if you're the promoter doing that it's probably pretty cool sure you're like a puppet master but for the for the individual

for people like us who just want to pay 25 for a whiskey coke well whiskey Coke? He said it used to be you pay $20 to get in and then they got rid of covers and they were like, we got to make it on the liquor. I would rather I used to hate covers, but knowing that it was the downfall of fun, I would rather pay $20 and then have the place be like a fun vibe.

I love it. Yeah, it's great. As long as the beers are $3 still. Yeah, it's great. I love that. I mean, I'm not looking for sparklers and fake girls and all that shit. Just give me. I remember I got a sparkler once. What's a sparkler? When they bring out the bottle.

Oh, wow. I've never lived that life. It's super embarrassing. I hate, I've never paid for it, but we've done it at Barstool. And you're supposed to be like, yay. Yeah, like the girls come out. They have like a sign with like those, you know they slide like like a marquee almost and it says like happy birthday kevin or whatever the fuck it is oh god girls like waving sparklers to be like look at

this guy he's buying expensive liquor marked up nine thousand percent and i'm always just like can you just put the vodka down that's like the rich version of when at Applebee's, the poor servers have to sing happy birthday to you. It's hibachi. Happy birthday, but for fucking assholes. I did it once where I was probably like 10 years ago, and I could not afford to be there. I could not do it. I was like, I opened the drink

the bottle list, and the only thing I could afford was the cheapest one, which was Tito's vodka, which is a $30 bottle of vodka, which was like $300 or whatever. But I knew how ridiculous it would look. And I was like, can you just not do anything? Can you just bring me like almost sneak me a bottle of vodka? And they're like, no, we have to.

It's fun. We have to do it. And I swear to God, I know they did it harder out of spite. Oh, God. You know I don't want this. I told you not to. And then they stand there and they pour the drink for you. So the second anyone's done, it's a bottle of vodka.

I was with five people. It lasted 20 minutes. Oh, they stay with you the whole bottle? They become like your server. Oh, why? I don't want that. I can do this myself. I don't want them to know I'm only pouring a half shot.

I don't want my friends to know. That's what I mean. My main thing is just make it go a little. Just put a lime in there so people think it has vodka. Say it's a but yeah i don't need everyone to know i uh i think in this world you are either like you think that's cool or you don't whether you whether you have money or don't have money whether you go to those clubs or don't go to those clubs i think you're either a person that's like, yes, please show the world that I bought a $5,000 bottle of champagne. Conspicuous consumption. Yeah.

I'm like, I cannot imagine. I can't wait in a line. I actually think it's the other way around. I feel like if I was broke, but I saved up for one big night, I'd be like, let's fucking celebrate this. But if you have money, you want this girl being like, you bought a vodka. Actual billionaires are at the club in sweatpants just like in the back just like kill him they're not asking for

a bottle they're like buy his company buy his company he looked at my girl weird buy what he does that's why i i i almost feel like he's jumping the shark a little bit but i hope he's not because my like goal in life is adam sandler but i feel like he's jumping the shark a little bit, but I hope he's not because my goal in life is Adam Sandler. But I feel like he's almost becoming – it's like a thing. Oh, really? Every time he's like – it's like, oh, Adam Sandler wore sweatpants to the country club. And the first time it was like, wow, that's kind of cool. And now it's like every time he does it, it goes viral.

And every time he plays basketball – You're like maybe he doesn't know how to dress himself or something. I don't think it's his fault. I believe he's from Manchester, New Hampshire. Oh, really? I think he was born, I think he grew up in the city. No, that's an opioid-ridden fentanyl town. He dresses exactly like, he's staying true to his roots.

That's like where white homeless people are born and then they spread out. They teach their fellow whites, that's the minors of homeless white people. Oh, you couldn't make it in New York, buddy. Go forth, proliferate into the world. You're not good enough at Wonderwall yet. You're not good at busking yet.

Stay in Manchester. He got, like, I feel so bad for him, because people will naturally be like, ah, it's getting to be a little much. And he's like, I didn't ask for any of this ever. I don't ever want the videos. I just want to play basketball. I want to play basketball in a polo shirt.

That's true. I like that. I think – and I was thinking about this the other day because I – outside of Barstool and even inside of Barstool pretty frequently, I'm usually wearing sweatpants, lounge pants, whatever. Sure, that's great. Be comfortable. Especially during COVID, I have two kids, seven and six. So they were kind of coming of age during COVID as well. And there was a period of time where they'd be like, I've never seen you wear jeans, Dad.

And my kids' nannies, if I wear anything even remotely more than a hoodie or a T-shirt, she's like, oh, we're getting fancy today. Oh, dressing up today. Yeah. And I was like, I'm such a piece of shit. But then it comes out the other side. The kid's like, we missed dad's dick print. We missed that. Dad's packing.

You're just like tearing down my life all these things i do with surrounding my kids i can't do any of this like why is he hard it's it's noon morning which should be over dad but i i think you come out the other side like you know it's like him in sweatpants all the time is a flex you in sweatpants all the time you're a bum right you gotta be like certain level ultra successful yes i think i don't wonder what the amount of money is well that's i mean he has like 400 he has like he's gotta be close to a billionaire right i think it was like 400 million dollars a few years ago and it's you know he's done like 10 netflix they made grown up seven yeah fun. His new movie is just like his family's in it. Yeah.

It's just like his daughter is the star. Really? It's just the stand-up? Except I don't think it's his wife. I don't know who his wife is. I have no idea. I mean, the girl is Idina Menzel. He's not married to her, right?

No. No, no, no. But he just has his teenage daughter in it. And actually, I mean, it looks like a cute, you know, coming-of-age girl, teenager. It's not for like us. He makes like five a year, and one of them's great. That's what he does. He pumps them out.

Keep the register ringing. Yeah, Jack and Jill. We don't see that. Just lives to be the best life ever. He is, like – He's great. And it's crazy. But, like, who –

I feel like here in New York, you're like, oh, like, it's the same. Again, like you said, he'll do, like, four or five where he marries Jennifer Aniston in the Caribbean. Yeah. By the way – Literally that every time. And then he'll do, like, Uncut in the Caribbean. Yeah. By the way, I'm fucking awesome. I think he just wants to get filmed fucking these hot actresses. I haven't done one with Jennifer Aniston. Let's write it. Write it.

Chat GPT. But the Kanye shit before she went crazy when she was super hot and uncut gems. Oh, yeah. Right. i was like sandman that's good casting oh that movie rocks the um but the i was reading like an article on netflix and like all the watching and so this is years ago so it's not like part of the strike thing um and the the ceo of netflix was like the only thing anyone watches in every country is that it's like every country's like Brazil's and the Philippines.

Like if you look what actor has the most watch minutes, it's Adam Sandler everywhere. Really? I had no idea. I guess it's like very like it goes across languages. I'm sure it's very physical humor. He's just making noises, which is like funny. It's funny. That's what we all want.

We're all just monkeys. We just want a guy to slip on a banana peel. That's funnier than any joke anyone's written. I saw an article the other day that was like, bring back funny. And it wasn't like, not one of the death of comedy type deals, but it was just like, it was a pro. That was just the headline for I think you should leave. Oh, sure. And it was like, it's just dumb. And I was yeah that is yeah there's no message there's no message underlying blah blah

blah it's just like yeah i'm gonna put on this fucking costume and like grunt there are yeah i'm gonna i mean i i actually i actually didn't like care for for this the newest season they do just yell a lot well it's just every scene is them yelling. And I felt there was a lot of that, but then I came in here and I started to be like, I didn't like this skit and that skit, and he was kind of like, I don't know, that was kind of funny when they were yelling.

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CHI.com. Use promo code KFC15 and get 15% off your order. That's 3chi.com. Promo code KFC15 for a 15 15 discount on all of 3chi's premium thc products must be 21 or older to purchase please use responsibly i i love them i think we're um i think there's a sketch show renaissance i think it's coming i think like comedies are going to come back too i have a hangover type of comedy there if if if uh if we could just like somehow be a part of that like if i would love the legacy to be that like this generation of all of us whether you're stand

up or barcelona whatever if we could bring back comedy now that we've made every race and demographic of the hangover movie i feel like they've made every version like this is the asian hangover but i just watched it iover. I heard it's good. It's awesome. I just heard it's good. But maybe let's listen. Dude, there's a scene. They're fucking four girls are just putting coke up their ass.

Yeah. It gets wild. It's fun. It's fun. I mean, there's a full pussy shot in it at one point with a tattoo. Okay. Comedy's back. Comedy's back.

Okay. I actually wasn't paying attention during that and i felt weird rewinding so i'd have to see i was like i like got it and i i was like looking at my phone or something i looked up and i was like there's a threesome in it i think i know what happened the algorithm's like he really likes the pussy shot i guess that's what we're gonna send him now have you figured out dainty jones yet no this is my favorite thing he said he told me this on the last podcast it's my favorite like this is almost feels like a skit itself have you heard

that show daisy jones and the six uh oh yeah it's like a band like it's like a i think it's like a fleetwood mac-esque sure sure but his parents watched episode one till like 59 minutes and 59 seconds you know how it just starts like next episode? Oh, yeah. It doesn't technically finish. So when he clicks watch episode, he can't quick enough to stop it and rewind. Oh, so you can't watch it?

So he can't watch episode one. So he's like, I really want to watch Daisy Jones, but I literally can't. And I'm just thinking of him like every night he goes home and fights his Amazon Prime and he loses. You're like ready. You're like all zenned up. Like, I'm going to do it this time. I got it. of him like every night he goes home and fights his Amazon Prime and he loses. You're like ready. You're like all zenned up like I'm going to do it this time. I got it.

It's like video games. You're like practicing reflex techniques on like. I'm sure there's a way to do it. I'm sure someone's watching me like you fucking. But like three to five times. And I'll try like once or twice. Fuck, I'm not doing it. And then like a week later, I'm going to try this again.

He's like, I've gotten into transcendental meditation just so my brain is quick enough to react to this. My parents don't know that they are on my prime. That's a dangerous game to play. You start watching some weird shit. The parents are on your prime. I like that. That's the switch of the role reversal.

It's just the TV. They do their own prime for buying stuff, but it's just the TV. They moved into own prime like for buying stuff it's just the tv i hope they got they moved and moved into a house they didn't have like the prime app and i just downloaded it and signed it on my own and um every once in a while i'll get an email like you just ordered blank movie and i'll be like all right well that's one book for free slowly building back to be like guess what you guys owe me money now there we go nice nice do you think to go back to the comedy thing um i feel like you're kind of like next up i feel like your time is like i hope so special draft and it's doing well um you were on our our first

have you done another one since then not yet how did you like that it was fun i think i would change my set a little bit i think they didn't want i think i was a little too serious for them maybe a little bit i i love they flamed me on the instagram the clips that got posted they're like this guy fucking sucks i love it i think it's funny our fans fans hate us the most. They are absolutely one of the most toxic fans. That's kind of the frat. They are haters. They're haters. There definitely is.

If I could change one thing, I wish we had a more encouraging. Men can't compliment men. It's gay. It's gay. We can't be like, funny joke, dude. You want to fuck me next? I made a very gay One Minute man video that i do the other day yeah and it was it was over the top gay and the comments were like what the fuck

they weren't even like the usual like you're gay dude it was almost just like wait what's going on do i have sponsor yeah it was very fun i was like i almost i'm gonna do it again now yeah yeah you you got to leave. I'm like nerding out for this Dollar Slices thing because I like that night was like a little uncomfortable for like everybody. I like it. And I kind of like it. No, I think you got it. Sometimes people, I don't know if you think the people there had been to a lot of comedy shows before.

Yeah. I've been like half and half. I think they go to like live podcasts. They know Barstool. They've probably seen like a Bill Burr special. Sure. So like they're kind of new to the comedy game and you guys were new to our audience

and it was like grimy and gritty and I was like, this is cool. I think it's kind of fun to like, you just kind of ram it down. I got them eventually, but you kind of just had to just keep nailing the nail up their nose or whatever. But you like called it out kind of. You like you just kind of ram it down i got him eventually but you kind of just had to just keep nailing the the nail into their up their nose or whatever you like called it out kind of you had to call them out like you guys are stupid and they're like yeah it's like no we're not stupid it's like a dumb monkey trick like if you tell someone stupid like no i'm actually

really smart and then they start laughing at things they think are smart it's a great trick psychology trick yeah absolutely i uh i mean everybody was great that night but i i did think you like shined the brightest and that's kind of hope is that like every week or every time we do it like one person sure sure you know one day if people sign here or we produce specials or whatever it can be like this yeah but for the first one it was like i i thought it was just very cool watching that like i loved that you were like oh barcel you guys are fucking dumb you don't get that joke like you'll you'll go home and google it yeah it was one of those sets where i was like i would be in my mind

crushing and then it would come to complete silence and then i'd come back which are kind of fun i don't know if this is a thing, but Sam Talent opened for one of our live podcasts, which is always... Sometimes we've done openers, and sometimes we haven't. That can be weird, because they probably don't expect Stan to come. Yeah, and sometimes they literally just... They're like, is this the tech guy?

Why is he at the mic? What's going on? Sometimes they're even just coming. They want to just take a fucking picture with us. They don't even care about the podcast, let alone... Sure, they're like... And then Sam is like a cerebral assassin. Oh oh he's so funny he's like playing three levels above us and we're three levels above them so it's like he's literally performing from

monkeys but he said the same thing that like our crowd does they laugh and stop they laugh yeah and there's no like rolling and i'm not gonna let another man bring me joy it's like the crowd when they bring their girlfriend with like, you're laughing at this, honey? This man? This man's cucking me right now. I'm being cucked right now by joy. Cucked by joy.

Don't laugh at him, babe! Never laugh at me like that. That is the, I've told this before, that is like the one thing I ever get jealous about when a guy can make a girl laugh like dude i i a girl who i was like never romantically involved with no just like been a friend forever and her mom i talked to her mom and her mom recently called me and she was like she's like have you met her new boyfriend and i was like no i haven't

she's like he's you met her new boyfriend? And I was like, no, I haven't. She's like, he's so funny. It's Matt Wright. Damn it. That's a nightmare. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on a second. I do the jokes around here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he funny?

Was he actually? He was very funny. I think I'm funnier, but he's a funny guy. I hate meeting people who are funny, who don't do stand-up or podcasting for a living. I'm like, oh, you're just funny and you don't need the attention? You don't have this debilitating need for the spotlight like I do? You don't have to make a bit in every moment at Walgreens with the cashier just to feel alive?

You're just funny when you want to be? I hate those people. You're just an adult. Yeah, you're emotionally stable. You don't need a i hate those people you're like you're just an adult yeah you're emotionally stable you don't need a dopamine rush to keep the gun out of your mouth good for you kevin said kevin has said that like about everyone's group of friends and like i i think in particular my group of friends like the funniest people and sure i saw kyle on a clip where he's on a podcast talking about like any comedian who like thinks highly of themselves he's like you're not even

one of the five funniest of your friends yeah so like why don't you fucking tone down with i mean so much of uh when i at least when i started barstool we were blogging and so when you're writing you kind of have like a very specific voice that people get accustomed to and it was all like an amalgam of like that like i took that one liner from my friend this is like his personality oh yeah and they're all funnier than me and i was just like the nerd who wanted to put it into a website you're the one who's willing to write it down yeah that's probably what it comes down to did it like i tell my god yeah i tell my whole crew of friends, I was like, you all could have been foreplay. You all got off and you're all funny.

And they have a billion views now. And they're great. But you could have done it before them. They just chose to sell insurance. Literally, yeah. That's what they wanted to do. That's fun. That night was also great.

Sean Gardini went up. Oh, yeah. We had a trans comic just like all trans material yeah i don't know if he was doing that to dig in or that was just the set he has like wow i really got fucked i think it's the latter i think it was just like you gotta be fucking kidding me like god during my trans month of writing i'm writing only trans jokes i think the crowd was like is he mad at them i thought i was laughing like that way i so i was just laughing but afterwards he was like i

want to put a gun in my mouth yeah yeah but even that i was like i love all of this i love that kind of went south oh i like the uncomfortable that's what makes me laugh the most when someone's funny i'm like whatever dude i don't care i like when they're making people squirm a little bit that's what makes me laugh i feel like there's levels to it and the first one is like make people laugh and probably the second one is like getting that uncomfortability and then the first where you just really start when you can mix it all yeah you know you can make the comics laugh in the back i feel like i'll enjoy that i think enjoy that. I think if I had to boil it down to one thing, I think what separates comics from normies is if a normal person were to bomb in a setting of giving a speech or a presentation or whatever, they would quit their job. They would never give a speech again.

They would never do it again. Exactly. They would change career paths. Right. And comics are like, they would quit their job. They would never give a speech again. They would never do it again. Yeah, exactly. They would change career paths. Right, yeah. And comics are like, I do this every night. Right, right. That used to be me.

I used to cry on stage. I don't know how you do it. One time I started crying mid-bomb. Mid-bomb, and I just ran off stage and ran home. No way. I literally just walked

and just started sprint sprinting home yeah was it club you know it was in madison wisconsin where i went to college was at this bar open mic in the basement the argus bar and i just was like i'm out jeff's out bro because i had made this jeff's gone i was kind of known as like throwing fits like my first couple years i was like oh jeff had a bomb don't talk to him tonight he's gonna throw his fucking notebook against the wall or something i was a huge baby that's so great that like because like i said you know your specials out i think you're really like on the on the the precipice so there's gonna be somebody when you're on like netflix being like i watched that cry and run home and now he's got like a $20 million Netflix deal. He cried because his little prop bit he made.

I used to do like prop comedy and they didn't like the prop I made. And I was like, Oh my God, I'm going to go to grad school. Please put that in like a pilot of a TV show. I should. It was really running out with like your, your like balloon animal or whatever has got him with like and it

was just like it's open mics are just all comics so it's 12 of the saddest white men to ever live but they're like what the fuck we're all sad buddy grow up we all want to cry we don't actually we don't do it we do it at home yeah that's embarrassing i i that bombing is like you know it's literally people's like deepest fears it is yeah it's like people fear more than death they say yeah i had to give like a little just like a little talk to the company the other day yeah i like bombed it i in my and it wasn't like i performed but i was yeah i did not do that well right right it ate at me for like two weeks really yeah i was just kind of like so guys you know if you want to like if you want to come talk to me about things i'll be in my office it was just like

that sure and i felt like i did i just didn't oh my god oh my god oh my god they didn't believe in me they didn't believe in me well that's it's better to be the guy who agonizes for two weeks than the guy there's people who bomb and they're like i had a great set yeah that's true set of the night no one laughs but i guess that's they just didn't get me a great set. Yeah, that's true. I had a set of the night. No one laughed, but I guess that's – They just didn't get me. Yeah. That I can't stand. That's a great point. Because I am so self-aware.

I immediately know, like, oh, that was a B. Didn't do my best. Some people, like, kill every time in their mind, in their mind. The comic – I almost think – I feel like I've seen it less and less, so I hope maybe the industry has evolved out of it a little bit. But there was a run there where every joke that bombed. Oh, you're one of those crowds, huh? Oh, yeah.

You know, you can't take your PC crowds. Yeah. Yeah, I get so mad about that. I think that's going away. That's going away. I'm sure there are times where you run into a bad crowd. There are times, but like. It's not every time, dude.

Sure. I do like jokes about child porn that kill. It's like can say whatever you want it's funny it's funny like just like i don't go into like during the pandemic i was going to like like they're doing like in the bars and stuff like that uh-huh and there was just like this one guy who was just like i forget he's like he's like come out like i'll fuck your mother or whatever i forget what he said sure and like no one laughed he's like oh you guys don't laugh at that mother or whatever. I forget what he said. Sure. And no one laughs. And he's like, oh, if you guys don't laugh at that, you're in for a long night. A lot more of those jokes coming your way.

Yeah. Please, no. Can you pivot? Yeah. Are there jokes? A guy's like, and then my dad raped my dog. Oh, sensitive crowd tonight, I guess. You guys don't like dog rape material?

A bunch of PC liberals. We were at the comedy store out in LA last year, and he was just screaming. Remember that? He was like, I'm killing. I am killing right now. And only this side of the room is getting it. And I was like, bro, it was the closest I've ever been. I would never in a million years heckle or say anything.

I'm always just like, you know. And I almost wanted to stand up and be like, sir, you're obviously incorrect. You are bad tonight. It's okay. You might be good tomorrow. It was like a veteran. And I remember talking to some people afterwards. And they were like, oh, he does that every night.

What? Yeah, some people do like land breakdowns. Oh, my God. It it's crazy that's what people don't see about comedy they always think like oh this show is so unique and special don't see them every night right we're doing the same crowd work bits with every couple in the front yeah everyone has not everyone's doing that but everyone has a little like stock lines they're using and that's like fine uh you know true crowd work where you know obviously there was no way you could know if that person was gonna be in the crowd like yeah that shit's

amazing but when it's like when your crowd work is about a couple yeah it's like that was you can throw oh there's a couple here tonight and it looks like crowd work but you're just gonna you know the audience is really easy to trick that's why the crowd work clips going viral i'm like if they only knew well if they only knew these as a as do you know can you tell that they're a lot of our stock lines not all of it yeah like if you if it's something completely out of the ordinary where it's like there's no way he knew that like the guy's mother was dead or something yeah that's awesome but when it's like oh yeah you know there's a black guy in the crowd uh and you do like a generic black joke sure yeah how did he ever think of being racist it's like all you needed that you walk out there like i hope

there's one black person yeah i can do my crowd work and as a i mean now for us like i follow a million of you guys sure constant crowd and i'm like in the beginning i was like that's this is amazing these guys are all like freestyling you know sure and i was like oh wait a minute then you see the same thing like i've noticed this is like i've noticed there's i've seen i posted a clip of this also someone's birth control alarm goes off during the show i posted one like a year ago now since then 20 other people Have had Someone's birth control Alarm go off And it's like

We're all just doing The same responses It can be funny It's not bad I get it But it is an interesting It's a little bit like Magician

It's like Oh is this your wife Oh it's your daughter And then something Whoa Crazy Yeah yeah That's just what

I do it every week Speaking of the genuine though In your new special uh the only funny white man the only funny white man please watch comanta being there oh that was crazy the god the black guy with the crazy name that's a great name you can't that's that that was perfect if you somehow planted that like a round of applause i don't know yeah yeah i'm hating on krawlberg i've never planted anything it's all original every time yes don't don't yeah that was crazy that guy was there that was a fun that was a fun time what was um just the special you know like how how long was that material like

uh i did an audio album like three years ago and then i realized that audio is something we did in the 90s and so i reused about half the jokes from that probably okay and but it's jokes i've been doing since 2015 a lot of it i think a lot of stand-ups first special is the culmination of their first seven or eight years of comedy usually it's one of the better specials i think we went through a run uh recently that i don't you know i'm not knocking it because I can never do it. But yeah, there was a run of like specials were like COVID jokes. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I can't ever like even rewatch this. You know, it's like, yeah, it should be like evergreen as much as it can. For sure. And it's like timeless. And it was just like, boy, another net like on Netflix or like a big thing. It's like you start off. Hey, we're all back outside oh my god i'm shocked at how many people still do that though it's been four years

i see it at the seller so i'm like glad to be out again it's like buddy i've been out for two and a half years really three if we're being honest we reopened like six months into yeah i was playing poker april 2020 with. I never really left. Do you feel like there's a – I feel like it's definitely like a golden era. Oh, it's the best. Stand-up's the best it's ever been. But is it also – is there a lot of like – is there amateurs, like rookies that you're like, oh, my God. I think the good and bad about social media is it gets a lot of like people who –

like someone like Jessica Curson has been doing comedy for 20 years. And she was big, but now she's going to the stratosphere as she deserves because she's a genius. And that's good that social media is getting those people out there, but it's also getting a lot of open mic people who are – they're just hot. It's a lot of hot people. That's really what it is. The algorithm just looks at your jawline.

It's like, okay, this is going viral today. And I have two moles on my face, and that holds me back. And I know that. And I know that. One day I'll afford to get them removed, and I'll be Matt Reif and me at the stadium. There's a lot of great comedy, but there's a lot of good and bad. It's a lot of great comedy, but there's a lot of good and bad. It's a bubble. I feel like when we do our shows, we will be at famous comedy clubs, but it's like we are here to do a live podcast.

We're not like stand-ups. We're not doing stand-up comedy. Almost kind of like very – I just want it to be clear that we don't think we're – Oh, we don't think you're a comic. We're using your room because there's not many spaces like this but like i'm you know sometimes they're like louis ck was here last week and like that's fucking ridiculous yeah that's right on the same stage right this is the place in town that holds 300 people and like do i have to watch someone jack off before i get up here yeah that's the price of admission yeah but like uh i could see you know if i was if i was really a stand-up and

and i was waiting for my time slot and there was just like clearly uh there's just a lot like instagram models who happen to talk and have a good butt yeah it's a lot of them but there's great it's it's all good and bad there's so much good comedy and so much bad i also think i can't spend being bitter about it's like i don't know yeah there's breaking news the hot girl is gonna get a leg up like no fucking it also doesn't take anything away from you that someone else is being successful i used to be so bitter and then i'm like there's 500 comedy clubs if that guy gets booked i'll get booked on another one it doesn't matter internet too it's on the internet now people will find you special on youtube yeah exactly they'll find your corner and also like i think the like people who suck at comedy it's a short con yeah in the end

you do have to be good at comedy and in the end i think the cream does rise right let them have their you know yeah exactly and then people go people go to a show and i i this happens a lot of shows people are like oh i saw so and so last month like some tiktok comic like pretty bad show so they're like we're not gonna go back so it's like you get one and done it one and done exactly the bubble bursts i'd certainly when i like finally had that realization which was years and years too late not even about comedy just about like the internet where it's like this isn't like this can't last and it's like yeah you they'll it'll happen in a second yeah relax it's not like the algorithm has like 12 people a day go viral it'll happen in the second thing yeah relax it's not like the

algorithm has like 12 people a day go viral it's like no we can all go viral it's like possible i think once you've uh like i mean i've been doing barcelona since 2009 so like when it was 2010 11 12 and i saw like teenagers making millions i was fucking bitter about it but then because i haven't done it long enough but like once you have done it you waited it out yeah and made it good you do have to get there to wait it out long enough right for you to be comfortable with it so like it's just a matter of you probably seen a lot of those people just they don't do it anymore right and maybe at their you know they probably still have more money than i ever will because at their peak they killed it sure they're gone now

right right i take pride in the fact that we're still doing it exactly not ever at their level but we just kept on going but until you until you can say i've been doing it for 10 12 15 years you're like what the fuck yeah yeah i think you gotta do stand-up for at least 10 years before i really am like oh you're a great comic there's exceptions but patience is crazy it's it's yeah i mean i didn't get paid I didn't make any money for like four years, at least four years, probably. That is what you're doing. I was like a teacher, kind of. I was like a summer camp counselor. I would be like-

Those are two very different things. During the school year, I was like a tutor, after school tutor, like teacher, maybe. And then during the summer, I was like a camp counselor. Okay, I didn't realize you were in summer. So at the summer, or at night during the summer, I'd be talking about cum till two in the morning. then the more i'm like who wants to play freeze tag just like bleary eyed off of an eight old-fashioned night just like dude i always talk about that

like when we were in camp like and i uh when we were camp counselors like i was a camp counselor probably like that's probably 18 19 something such something like that. Such a fun job. Such a fun time. You were allowed to abuse children physically. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You could be like, no, stop that. Stop that.

Whatever kid would annoy me, I'd be like, that's it. We're playing dodgeball. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. No, rule said hit Johnny in the head. That's the name of the game today. Yeah, exactly.

I would say I did it when I was even younger. When I was probably like 16, I would do summer hockey camps. And like plenty of times where a kid just pissed me off. I just like fire a puck across the ice. That's a good feeling. That's a good feeling. I feel like the kids were always like, why is Mr. Jeff wearing shades every day? It's raining.

You don't realize that like all your teachers. Oh, they were all hung over i hang out with teachers where they will be on a tuesday night they're partying i was like they taught us long division the next day they were out trying to get some dick at 2 a.m yeah she got she's got like she woke up at another guy's house just like oh i gotta teach the kids about the constitution today yeah it's amazing open up your textbooks there's actually three yeah yeah we used to do dude we used to play this game called dead fish when we were like really hung over okay and it was just like lay down the kids lay down and if you move you lost but we'd be like all right you get another chance

we've been laying down for 45 minutes, dude. And I remember one time we were playing dead fish, so hungover. And we're just sitting on the park bench in Newport, Rhode Island, hungover. And these kids are just laying there. And the girl just looks over at me and she goes, you want to see how much I can deep throw the pen? And I was like, yeah. This is one of the eight-year-olds right

15 20 kids are asleep and i was like pretty good you weren't lying you can deep throw the pen collection things you learn yeah yeah easy living parents show up how are the kids they were amazing are you from new is that by providence newport yeah it's about 20 minutes okay i you from new is that by providence newport yeah it's about 20 minutes okay i just did my first show in providence like a week ago did you i like it fun town providence is very fun little post-mafia town yeah i like that it's the last bastion of the mob yeah we just had a guy get the shit beat out of him in providence really just like got his face caved in whoa mafia. Mafia hit? I think it was just a

mentally ill homeless man. Oh, not as fun. I love the mafia. I love that. I was looking up the history of towns when I go there. Your mayor, Buddy, what's his name? Buddy Cianci. Buddy Cianci was like this mob. What a name. He was the mayor, then he got arrested for

a guy. His ex-wife was hooking up with a guy and he got him tortured and kidnapped. Then he got arrested for a guy. His ex-wife was hooking up with a guy, and he got him tortured and kidnapped. So he went to jail. Then he got elected mayor again. 27 counts of racketeering. Went to jail. Then he got elected again. Just a legend.

He came back again and again. The people have spoken. I love that shit. Okay, he fucking tortured that guy, but crime was down and money was good. And he sold his own marinara sauce. The mayor's hot sauce or something like that. I love it. It was when?

It was like the 80s and 90s. It was when I was younger, but it's a hard name to forget, Buddy Cianci. I love that shit. I love corruption. I'm from a town called Fall River, which is like... Oh, wait. People were making fun of that at the show.

That was like the shitty town. They're like, that's the Portuguese ghetto. Bro, I had to quit soccer when I was a kid because the kids wouldn't speak to me in English. Oh, really? I was like, I don't want to say it. We'll talk to me. They're like, gringo malo. Wasn't there a corrupt politician in Parliament?

Dude, so we had like... It was almost like we're trying to be junior providence where there was there was one mayor who like he got i for i i'm gonna mess up everything but it was like one mayor got voted out or whatever and then a new mayor came in he kind of did like his mafia type deal where like it was actually almost so fake stereotypical mafia like he called like again i'm gonna mess everything up exactly what it was but he called like a fucking state rep to meet him down by the docks one night and like you were like put a gun on the dashboard it's like you better vote with me

and then so he got fucking uh i don't know impeach out of there yeah and then the next guy was just take it was like he's like a 21 year old kid. He was really young. Jessael Carrera I believe his name was. He was just taken it was right when weed got legalized. So he was just taking bribes from everybody. I love that.

And then he got impeached. I think he's in jail or going to jail. As long as you don't go to jail get that money and it's like oh no I'm no longer the mayor of to jail. Well, I was going to say, as long as you don't go to jail, it's like, get that money. And it's like, oh, no, I'm no longer the mayor of Fall River. Yeah. Like a duffel bag of $20,000 cash. It's like, we're mad at these guys for taking bribes.

Yeah, they're all taking bribes. You guys are just bad at it. He was just 21. Yeah, that's the whole point. He didn't have the natural arc to learn how to do it right. Yeah. If I'm a politician, yeah, climate change isn't real because ExxonMobil paid me $3 million. Of course. Why would I not believe that?

Of course. He was so bad at hiding it where it was like, I think his salary was like $150,000 a year or whatever. Something like that. And he had a $200,000 watch. I was like, you can't! That's a gift from the constituents!

They love me! Well, that's theny manziel fucking back yeah yeah oh did the thing just happen his doc just came out yeah you guys was it good uh i there was one really good thing is what i was referencing the rest of it is like if you followed him like you basically his party too much but he um he was signing autographs and making like tens of thousands of dollars and obviously when you're an amateur, you're not allowed to. Oh, oh, gotcha. His friend made up a backstory that his grandfather had oil money and it went deep.

It was like his grandfather was friends with the boxer Jack Dempsey. And that's how he was able to get into the oil game. And he had several rigs and many of them were dry, but two of them hit and it was enough to get wealthy and then the oil regulators cracked down on him and he was gone but not before he made his fortune and that's why this is how johnny manzo can afford three hummers as a sophomore it was just straight autograph money they were like his dad and grandfather owned a honda dealership and they were like they were okay but they weren't yeah but also he should have been allowed to make money off the autographs i don't feel bad at all if he was around if the

rules were changed when he was around he probably would have made more money than like professionals he was like oh yeah he was yeah he was huge the second bama a and m game where he went off he went off they lost like he went crazy i remember i was living in boston at the time and i remember me and my friends like sprinting down boylston to get home so we could just sit there and watch it. I haven't had that with a game in forever. I remember the intro to the CBS broadcast. They were talking about how they sold

something like $800 million in advertising just for that game. I was like, we just ran because of Johnny Manziel. How is he not getting a penny? So insane. I love that. The Fall River thing. Oh, but yeah, whenever I bring this up, I always like to remind everyone the fact that I was at a party with him once.

And I had started at Barstool, so I had small notoriety, but in a small town that was big. And he was running for election. And I had no idea who the kid was. And he was just like, he's like, hey, can I take a picture with my Facebook? You're probably like the same age, right? I think he's younger. Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, of course. And he was the mayor. No, he was running for mayor. And I thought it was just like this funny little thing where this kid's running for mayor, sure. So there's a picture of me and him that he said he wanted to put on his Facebook. I've never been able to find that picture.

If someone can find it and get it to me so I can print it out and frame it, that would be great. That would be fun. That would be fun. Did you see that? I don't know the guy's name. I think he's an Indian dude

who's running for president as a Republican. He's always on, like, Gutfelds. I know who. I can't. Some of the V, whatever. Yeah. See him singing Lose Yourself? No.

Oh, my God. I wanted to crawl inside. He's rapping Lose Yourself? Oh, no. He. I wanted to crawl inside. He's rapping Lose Yourself? Oh no. He was on stage at like a rally. I think he had a MAGA hat, like a red hat. I don't know. That wouldn't make much sense, but he was wearing like, and he's literally, you know,

mom's spaghetti, knees when you come. And I was like. And when he wrote down the whole crowd, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out. He's choking hell. Everybody's joking now. The clock's run out. Time's up. Hold the plow. I was trying not to be like a hater because I was like, it's kind of cool. I don't know. We're entering an era where

a president could like Eminem. Sure, sure. Obama liked Lil Wayne and stuff. He was kind of cool. Every year Obama still puts out his summer playlist. His summer playlist. Still got it.

Ice Spice. Oh shit, Obama. Play the song, but don't rap the song. Whenever anyone does hip-hop at karaoke, that's some of the words. Everyone thinks they know all the words to Juicy or Big Papa.

They don't know a single word. They know the last word of every line. If the song's playing, I can sing along with it. You can't do it. It's impossible. If you put a gun to your head, what song can you rap or sing? Every word. Zero.

There's probably not a single one. It's like the Star Spangled Banner. I could rap Lil Wayne's verse in low by j sean that's the one that could maybe do that down like the economy that's all i could know yeah dude little wayne can't even wrap that yeah he doesn't even remember it i love that when he's like your favorite songs i don't even know what album does he not remember any of it he said he doesn't know like what songs on what album i love that i think he also forgets lyrics but i think like the hits he could still sing sure if you were like yo like what's your favorite song off the carter too he'd be like i don't even know he's also recorded like 90 000 verses yeah that's just i read a thing about

mick jagger that i think is so funny they In the 80s, they gave him $20 million. They're like, write an autobiography. We'd love to. This guy's going to interview you. We want to write a biography. $20 million. This guy interviewed Mick Jagger for six straight months, and Mick Jagger remembers nothing interesting about his life.

He's like, this is the most boring interview of all time. He's like, I think we got a little drunk on that tour. He remembers no interesting anecdotes. That's how you know you went fucking hard, though. If you had footage of it, it would be great because he can't remember a fucking thing. Or he can't say it legally. He's like, yeah, there were a lot of 12-year-olds

on that tour. Oh, I can't even... They were bad. It was bad what they were doing. There's one album... I'm a huge Stones fan. I'm sure I they were doing. There's one album. I'm a huge Stones fan. I'm sure I know which one. What's the last black and white cover album? Oh, Exile on Main Street.

Where they recorded in France in this chateau. They were just getting loaded on heroin every day. Oh, God. What a dream. They were having a good time. In France, your buddies high on heroin making music. Just a new crop of French models came every week. They're like, oh, Bianca, you're done.

Okay. My dad will – he'll send me a record every once in a while, and he'll just put a record he likes, and he'll put a little story in it. Oh, yeah. Basically that. So he sent me Exile on Main Street, and he put – they got a chateau in France, partied their asses off, made this album in two weeks, whatever. And I was like, damn, that's cool. And then I watched – there was a documentary about it. And I started the documentary in like a half hour and I was like, they don't remember anything.

They're just telling the stories. They're like, yeah. This is a boring ass thing. My dad's fucking postcard about this note was more interesting. Better than the doc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to get too black out where you don't have good stories to tell right like someone in the room stay sober yeah

one guy doesn't do heroin yeah he just gets drunk and does ketamine no heroin for jimmy yeah you know yeah there was probably some pussy who was like i'm not shooting up tonight yeah oh come on. You fucking loser. Yeah. You don't hear peer pressure for heroin. No one's like, inject, inject, inject. We're never doing that. I was actually watching a movie last night, Most Wanted, who I couldn't tell for the first, like, it's Josh Hartnett. It's a real movie about some investigative report in Canada, drug dealing. And for the first, like, 15 minutes, the bad guy i he had like a french accent and i was like this guy is that jim gaffigan wait really he was like the bad guy really i didn't know that he just

had him on i was like i'm so mad i didn't watch this first because like he's not bad he's doing like real acting he's the bad guy he's got guns in people's heads he's selling and he's doing he does it great i actually ended up falling asleep in the movie but it was like he's got guns in people's heads. He's selling. And he does it great. I actually ended up falling asleep in the movie. Wow. But it was like, he was great for the first half. Oh, good. I love Jim Gaffigan. But it starts with Gaffigan offering a guy, they call it dope. I don't know what it was. It wasn't weed.

So I don't know. I think that was heroin back in the day. Is it heroin? Yeah, I think so. So the guy's like, no, I don't do that anymore. And he's like, come on. And like, very quickly, he's like, all right. And he starts smoking it.

And he's like, how long has it been? He's like, six has it been he's like six months and the guy passed yeah it must have been yeah yeah and i was like i guess that's part of being an addict but he was really easily peer pressured sure well that's the thing that sucks is heroin probably rocks i saw a meme on instagram the other day and it was it said something like um when she tells you like i'm not on birth control so don't come inside me uh-huh and then it was a video of this movie i think from the 70s and this guy's shooting up heroin and he goes like oh i'm sorry i'm sorry and I'm sorry. And he passed out. And the top comment was like, it was like a black Twitter sort of thing.

They're like, you guys are despicable for this. This is a movie about a son who gives his father a hot shot of heroin, and he overdoses right in front of his kid. It's him shooting up and being like, oh, this is good, this is good. Oh, no, I'm going to die. Oh, I'm sorry. He dies in front of his son. And you've turned it into a busting a nut meme that's why i do like

that and i was laughing at it and then reading it i was like i'm laughing more that's when people are like gen z are pussies is like no they they do the wildest shit online their memes are dark and dirty even i'm like oh Jesus that was like did you see when they tried to Japan I get you I saw like three memes about this I don't know if it's true or not but when it was like in attempts to oh and they did the Oppenheimer thing yeah yeah yeah

they're trying to do 9-11 they fucked up cause Gen Z's like this is the best I would have gone to see Barbie if this was the marketing campaign. There's going to be a Japanese movie called Osama! People celebrating in the streets. I would watch that.

Did you see Barbie? I saw Barbie and Oppenheimer. Great movie. I think Barbie's really good. Yeah? Incredibly. I thought the end got a little heavy-handed when they go on, like, 17 speeches in a row. But until then, I thought it was pretty clever.

What did you think of Oppenheimer? Oppenheimer is amazing. I love it. Absolutely. Three hours felt like an hour and a half movie. I think Barbie felt longer. I'm the king of complaining about long movies. I think everything should be maximum two hours, and I would have watched that for four hours.

That movie was incredible. It wasn't, like, overly patriotic, which they were like, this is probably a bad thing we did. Right, right. Yeah, they definitely. They didn't gloss over the evil of it. I really liked how he did it. I thought it was amazing.

The line, first of all, I saw Bobby first, Oppenheimer second. And because of so how like boys versus girls it got, I was in Oppenheimer like hour and a half in and i was like this is a problem how much i like this i'm in oppenheimer wherever a woman comes on stream get the fuck this for the boys war is for men it's like my friends have uh kids now and and they're like yeah the most liberal open possible and they're're like, some boys are just boys. And my son just comes out

and he's like, want to play trucks? He's like, I don't even like trucks. But yeah, let's do trucks. That's good. That's all good.

That's how I felt in Oppenheim. I was just like, you guys want to play trucks right now? You're like, war is good. Dude, I have that. I say that with all my favorite movies

are the most not how i am but i oh yeah dude i watch like fucking that's why we watch him like you're right you're being something you're not yeah i'm like he's like punching me like this is why you can't kill god what's he say democracy because it's not about one person it's about an idea i'm like tell him mike and then every four years you're like, I don't want to vote. I am going to Panera picking up a sandwich. I don't have time to vote. That's what we're all like.

Not going to make it, Barack. Sorry. So true. Absolutely. You got it. It's a blue state anyway. You got it. Right, right. My favorite excuse ever.

My vote doesn't count. Yeah. It really doesn't count yeah that is funny it's good shit every time i'm obsessed with war i love war war movies war books i'm obsessed with the military i would be dead in five seconds oh i wouldn't be dead because i would i would dodge in a heartbeat yeah oh i would dodge yeah i heartbeat. Oh, I would dodge. Yeah, I would try to dodge. I would never go to war. No, yeah. Prison and war, I can guarantee you I will never. I'll kill myself before I go to either of them.

Of course. Oh, God. I also would be like, you know, my arches are too high and my mission isn't good. Yeah, yeah. You go for one of those, what, prenuvo scans? He's like, you got to find something. Yeah. And you'll be able to.

Yeah, yeah. They would be like, you are a detriment to our army. Like, even, like, throwing your dead body at someone would be worse off. We don't want you out there. I always like to imagine, oh, if I was in war, I'd do this to survive. No, I'd be immediately clapped. Or I'd become the sex slave of the company. They'd just fucking fuck me.

Like, okay, you can't hold a gun? We're going to fuck you, dude. There's no women left, so this is what you're going to be. You're a little boy. You're the closest to a woman. You get a little tub of Vaseline a day and a corn on the cob. That's all you get. We're going to fuck you, dude.

I would be like like like trench warfare like World War I oh I'd be crying you all I had to agree yeah you cried at a fucking open mic

yeah I cried at an open mic I'm gonna cry at the Battle of the Somme if I if I had to like on the count of three

we're all gonna go up and over the trench I'd be like psych yeah one two three go yeah I did that this weekend

I was in the pool with my kids. We were going to try. It was cold. Yeah, right, right. Let's all go under at the same time. And I went, and they popped back up. They're like, you tricked us. That would be me at war.

Yeah, right, right. Johnny gets his brains blown out. You're like, oh, I thought it was on go. I didn't know it was on three. I didn't know. Three, go! Yeah. I mean, the thought that those guys would just be like

okay i'm gonna do it and then it's insane that they did and then they just went back home and just worked in a hardware store it's it's wild i i hate the like you know what greatest generation shit because it's whatever but it's like those guys deserve some those guys deserve some they're not all good they're not good people but it is like that was hard yeah that was that was incredibly hard and to come to come back home and have any semblance of a real life oh god i just came home when i worked a job and i had kids and a wife and yeah well i don't know maybe you drank too much or you cheated or you did some just you know whatever but you should be allowed to hit your wife if you were on d-day maybe like maybe

one just one every now and then you get a free slap yeah you omaha beach looked like she had a thousand abortions like in the water like yeah let him let him just a slap just a slap he's thinking of his friends come on i mean yeah like the fact that you wouldn't come home from that and be like the most violent yeah yeah adjusted person in the world like that's the heroism yeah I agree I think that's more of heroism I'd come home and be like the fact that they don't all get a mansion when they get home why do they not

you don't get that mansion this guy he served Iraq he gets the mansion it's one of the more fucked up things especially when you're walking like a Manchester New Hampshire it's all Vietnam hats and stuff. It's like, oh, God.

Absolutely. We can't even let you work at 7-Eleven. Speaking of Bezos, I was talking to somebody the other day and he worked for Amazon and he told me that somebody used the phrase Grand Slam. Like, oh dies this idea is a grand slam

he said he said the ceo of my consumer goods company didn't know what that meant oh god they're so out of touch with like and his line was they were like it's you know like a grand slam like a home run when everyone's on base you know and he was like all i've ever loved is consumer goods i've never i've never had any time for sports. I don't know what that means. Oh, God. Somehow you made not knowing what a Grand Slam is cool. Yeah. No, since I was eight years old, I've been obsessed with brand awareness.

Yeah. I don't think I told you this. A guy, a stoolie, reached out to me. We were having a conversation. He said he works for Amazon and that somebody said Grand Slam in a meeting. And Beos was like what does that mean and and they were like what do you mean it's grand slam and he goes all i've ever loved is consumer goods and i don't know anything that's insane like that's the saddest

thing i've ever heard this is our richest guy this is our best come on you're eight years old like worrying about like delivering books online and not, like, playing baseball. Consumer services. Consumer goods. Consumer goods. All over. What's the lamest thing to be into? Right.

Oh, my. If he said sex trafficking, that'd be cooler. I'd be like, okay, at least he believes in something. Come on. Consumer goods. I can at least understand that one. I get it. Oh, my God. hand that one i get it uh oh i i um i meant to say this the other day when i was when i was doing

my my video on the the the because we were very aligned on the um elon and zuckerberg fight yeah is that real that they're actually considering it this is what i meant to say at the end of my video like anybody who believes that's ever happening there's no way there's no first of all it's just crazy like silly to begin with but if you look at everything elon's doing it's a guy who has no intention of ever taking this fight yeah he was like i gotta get a mri scan oh well zuckerberg has issued his thing yeah yeah so he came out and was like i'm elon is clearly not serious yeah i actually like kind of take the sport seriously i'm going to continue to fight with people and spar with people who actually take it seriously and if and when that happens

maybe we'll do it all right but i'm i'm moving on from this because it was you know elon was just like moving the he's the classic guy making excuses like when i i do a podcast with my friend who played division one basketball and i always keep challenging him to one-on-one he's like oh no my knees hurt now it's not the same he's had an excuse for a year every time we're about to play he's like oh he played d1 he played at notre dame and bc and he's making excuses yeah because he's like out of shape yeah and i'm terrible i can barely dribble the guy he's afraid he's afraid of the smoke he's afraid because if i score one point it's embarrassing he always comes that's what elon's doing he's like oh i couldn't do it but i need an mri he said he was like I need an MRI

and the doctor was like and the reason I really picked up on it because I had the same thing as him we have a neck fusion once you get your shit fused they're like you can fucking you can be dropped on your head and your neck will be fine it's titanium you're stronger than ever so he was like that's all good but I do

have like you know my shoulder I separated my shoulder once you can buy a bionic man it's also like yeah you're you're i don't know how old he's probably in his 50s or something like yeah that's like every 50 year old man's gonna have some shit wrong right right you know the zuckerberg thing i i hate how like everyone has like has a favorite billionaire now oh it's so lame that we all we're all like sucking their dicks. Like maybe they'll give us money one day. Remember I tweeted that you were cool, Zuckerberg?

You might mean more. Can I have $50,000? But when I read that Zuckerberg comment, I was like, that's actually kind of a cool guy. Where he was like, I take this seriously. I think he's good as far as like an amateur. People were like, yeah, he can, you know. He would destroy Elon.

Elon doesn't have that dog in him. I'm not going to fight for Zuckerberg in the replies or anything like that. But I read that. I was like, that's a pretty cool guy. He's like, enough of the circus. It's time to move on. This fight clearly isn't happening. I'm going to keep fighting with people who like to fight.

Sure. And I was like, that's a cool dude response. What was the initial impetus? Why did they want to fight? What was it? Just like, we're rich? I think it was like Twitter beef. It was like threads and Twitter were competing.

And I think Elon, trying to be funny online, said we should fight. And I think Zuckerberg was kind of like, okay. I actually do this. You're going to die. I will fuck your shit up, dude. X, Z, Y will never see you again. Someone tweeted the clip of, it's like Zuckerberg, Elon challenging Zuckerberg, and it's Charlie challenging the lawyer.

And he's like, you want to do a duel? And he's like, yeah, sure, I'm free next week. He's like, ah, maybe not. Yeah, I think that was exactly what happened. That's very perfect. Elon, I mean, they were talking to like the Vatican and the Ministry of Travel to do it in the Colosseum. They were going to do it in the Vatican or the Colosseum. Italy had to, like, approve it.

I've been to the Colosseum. You cannot fight in the Colosseum. Yeah, that would make no sense. It's falling apart. It's a fucking pile of rubble. Yeah, there's nothing. Like, there isn't a floor. There's no floor to the Colosseum.

It would be. Also, just, like, the notion of that is no floor to the Colosseum. It would be. Also, just the notion of that. I was like, the Colosseum was like. You better kill each other. Yeah. I'd like that. I'd like that. Billionaire Fight Club.

Fucking Spartacus and Commodus and Maximus. These guys used to fight swords and fucking fire. And they were forced to do it. Chariots. And they would literally, if I don't do this I don't have my life and then we're just going to let these

like billionaires like play in the college and fuck that. It'll probably be pay-per-view and they'll make money off of it. Of course that's what it was.

Of course they're going to make a little money off of it. Before the fights the Gladys used to all have dinner together every night because they didn't

know if they'd ever see each other again. Oh shit. Every night's a last supper. I'd watch that dinner. I'd watch the fight. Oh! As long as one of you two...

One of you die. One of you know you're dying in an hour. That would be sick. That's a great movie about the final dinner of a bunch of gladiators. That is, yeah. Oh, wow. Watch the fuck out of this. That's great.

They're making a gladiator two. I don't know how. Are they? They are, yeah. I don't know what it would be about. Not with Russell Crowe. No, he actually – But Ridley Scott.

It was announced before we interviewed him, and I'm so happy – because I forgot to tell you beforehand. He does not like being asked. Oh, okay, good. I was going to blow my head off that we didn't ask him. We came out, and you're like, I can't believe we didn't talk about Gladiator. I was like, thank God we didn't talk about Gladiator. He didn't like talking about Gladiator 1?

I don't know if he doesn't mind. Because I would have forgotten and I would have said something about Gladiator 2. I think he had not a bit of a snap where he's like, I should be paid for how much I'm asked about this fucking movie. Oh, because he thinks he's done better movies? I think it's just like – He's just done with it? Yeah, I think everyone keeps asking him, are you really mad? I get it.

I see both sides of that i hate when people are like uh you know don't ask me about this unbelievable thing that made me like who i am and i mean i guess he can point to a million other things that made him sure he'd be like i've done other movies but it's like i also i mean i would just if that's about gladiator 2 i think you'd be fine with gladiator 1 oh okay yeah yeah because he's mad i thought you meant like he's gladiator at all i don't know if he's mad he's not in it so so so it like ridley scott decided you're not in it i it's i think it's the early i i don't know prequel or something he's too old kind of rocky with stallone and all that shit the star of it is um paul mezcal that kid from um who's that he's in uh normal people on

oh oh irish guy he was engaged to Phoebe Burgess for a while. That feels like... Step down. But I'll probably be pleasantly surprised. But right now, I'm like... I think Denzel. It's got to be me. I think Denzel's in it.

Denzel. See, if they gave it to a new person, I could get down with that. If you went and got another superstar from my era and just didn't give it to me,'d be yeah that's true yeah and he's old too they're both the same right it's not like you like they're they're gonna fill the same shoes except for like black and white yeah i think he's playing i think i think paul mezcal plays young max is denzel the emperor they're like saying the roman emperor was black yeah it's got denzel pedro pascal connie nelson paul mezcal i also kind of joseph quinn oh and barry keoghan i actually don't know any of these people yeah i don't know much about

actors barry keoghan's the guy from banshees who was like the dumb one oh yeah yeah that guy's kind of on the pop-up joseph quinn's from stranger things i almost if i was him i think there's something cool about being like like i remember this is a very different genre but but uh when they made dumb and dumber 2 without jim carrey yeah the first time around jeff daniels was in it but not jim carrey jim carrey said something like you know imitation is the greatest form of flattery like oh god like a real jab but like you know i'm letting the people know like i don't like this but i'm also not being petty about it i am being petty but i'm not being like right you know loud about it he He knows Jeff Daniels needs the money. If I was Russell Crowe and I could be like,

like I know that Gladiator 2 is less good without me. You know what I mean? So it's like, go ahead, do it. But it's not going to be as good as the first. There's no way. It's impossible. You just can't top it. There's no way.

I wonder if there is there like beef or like, is it really squatting? I wonder if it is such an iconic movie. First rated R movie I've ever seen in theaters. That's why it's so iconic. That's why. That's why everyone remembers it. John Feidelberg heard the word fuck.

That was when my dad was like, you can do this one. Well, when it's violence, it's like, it's fine. Yeah, right,

right. It's not a tit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. could never handle it you could watch someone's head get chopped off although organs bubbling up that's good for an 8 year old

it's actually really important I think I think Titanic came out before that was that R rated too it's not R rated but it does have tit yeah it did

and I saw that 4 times in a weekend no way you just kept going how old were you that's almost your entire weekend it was like 40 hours

yeah yeah right that's a long movie it is a good movie You just kept going. It was. How old were you? That's almost your entire weekend. It was like. Fucking 40 hours. Yeah. Right. That's a long movie. It just went like every day. It is a good movie. Titanic's a good movie. It ain't bad. But I almost feel like.

Russell. He's got to be. Like. He might. Almost like they're trying to keep it secret. Like. Almost like a baby. Maybe.

Yeah. Yeah. He is so important. He is the movie. He's got to be. Right. Right. I mean.

If that. That also. If I was typecast as. Are you not entertained? I'd be totally okay with that. Yeah. also if i was typecast as are you not entertained i'd be totally okay with that yeah you know it's one thing if you're like is that i'm saying but like what if if he that's how he didn't like yeah if he didn't like talking about gladiator like the way like if you know jason alexander doesn't like be talked about as george costanza i can kind of understand that you know yeah people remember me as this like that's fucking a yeah no one's

mocking you it's like very cool. You're the coolest guy ever. Yeah. I remember I was going through Russell Crowe stuff the other day. Cause I, I, I very recently rewatched gladiator and, uh,

I think I was just like scrolling through what you had to like also buy Russell Crowe kind of deal. And I, because it was like the first movie I got introduced to Russell Crowe. I just assumed as narcissists do. That's why everyone, that was his breakout role. I didn't realize he did LA confidentialA. Confidential like 10 years

before. Oh, really? He was on the scene for sure. Damn. There's a new movie coming out called Strays. Have you seen this? Oh, the dogs? Will Ferrell and Jamie Foxx. Yeah, I know. I was like, how? They must just be like motherfucking, like saying all sorts of shit. That cannot be good.

No way that can be good. The R-rated thing just gives me hope that like maybe almost like we were talking earlier like it's just dumb that like a dog saying like fuck your mother will be like true if it's like the dog saying uh come on your face yeah i don't know like whatever if they go all the way over the top but i will farrell was good in barbie i liked yeah yeah will farrell will far, I feel like, has just been collecting checks for a while. He hasn't done much legendary in about a decade, probably. Yeah, he's doing the Lego movies.

Is he the producer of Succession? Really? He's the producer of something that you really would not expect him to be the producer of. I'm going to figure that out real quick. I don't know what a producer means. It sounds like they're a producer of a show. I have no idea. We talked to the guy who produces uh the fast and the furious okay series and i asked him that

because i was like you always see that i was like what does that entail i thought it meant just like you put up the money yeah but he was like and i'm sure maybe executive and you know i'm sorry it's he's an executive producer okay of succession okay. Of Succession. Really? I would have never thought that. This guy was like, I was on set making sure everything was like... Oh, really? You're like, they're making sure the set's all right? I mean, he's also probably trying to make it sound like he's the most important, but it's like they were doing a crazy stunt, and he needed to make sure that they had the fucking

helicopter ready and this and that, and He was the one connecting the people. And I was like, oh, so you're instrumental in the movie. Oh, really? In that case, I almost think that producers might be the most important. I thought they were just the rich guy. So did I. I'm sure there are people who just funded it. I think that's what executive is.

I think executive producer is, I just pay. I guess I just read in quick line, like, Will Ferrell is part owner of the production company. Oh, okay. It's like a money or die thing or whatever. Producer, I think, yeah. You're literally producing the movie. Okay. So that's probably where...

I mean, this guy had... He did all of the Fast and the Furious movies. All like 11? What are they at, 11? 10, 10. And then like... I mean, name a blockbuster, he did it. Really?

So this guy must have like... But you would also... He would walk in the room, you know who he is. Right. Look up Neil Morris. Neil Morris. I think that's the type of fame. That's great.

You don't have to be mobbed in a coffee shop. This guy can literally go anywhere. He makes money. It's great. I completely agree. And I think that's probably because we have the little fucking kernel of fame. Sure, sure. But like rich guys must see like someone else get a

picture taken on them and they're like i they don't know i have so much more fucking money car he did this that's why you gotta be like like uh like lauren michaels lauren michael everybody knows and like sucks your dick when you are talked about you know what i mean yeah i don't want to be i don't want to be i couldn't recognize want to be anonymous. I couldn't recognize him. I don't think I could, would recognize Lorne Michaels. I think, I would recognize him,

but I wouldn't, I also don't think people are, like, running up to him I'm not going up to him. Right. Yeah. But when you, when someone says Lorne Michaels,

you're like, yeah, man, he, like, he oversaw all this shit. Like a bassist for Maroon 5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the dream. You still get a tour.

You still get Adam levine's side piece but you can still you know just go to the movies yeah you know the body double or whatever yeah no one can name anyone else in maroon five not even a guess i couldn't i couldn't i have no idea it's the same guys the whole time too it five guys. They have probably one of the biggest bands in the last 15 years. That has to be the most humble group of guys, or they have a great revenue share going or something. Because by now, somebody would have been like, fuck Adam Levine, or he has blackmail on them or something.

The fact that that's not just the Adam Levine band is pretty crazy. That's true. So anyway, the special is out. The special is out. Please watch it. I think, you know, the YouTube model has really proven out

very well for a lot of people. I think it's great. And I think you can really tell, you know, who is next and who's funny and who's doing it right. It is good to like

put a product out there and you're like, oh, people can see how it's better than these other guys. It just is. I mean, it hit my own horn

but I think it's good. Yeah, and it's a little bit risky guys yeah it just is i mean you know it's to my own home but i think it's good yeah and it's it's a little bit risky because like the views are all public so it's like sure or swim yeah that does suck but it's also good like once you once you hit like you know of course you want to be like a million views right but there's building blocks to this and absolutely you hit like six figures and like really quick and it's like oh okay yeah i mean if you think about that i'll take it seriously yeah it's like that means you could fill up a fucking football stadium with the people who watch this right that's incredible you know that's and you know of course the hope is you get to you know ari shafir doing six million views and right right matt rife doing whatever he did and shit

but like you know for for that to hit where as quickly as it did like yeah i feel good about how it's going and i i'm gonna do another one yeah soon or like the next year and i think you know it used to be um like you do this and then the the streaming services take note and come along i don't care about netflix at all i think i don't think yeah i think that was the idea behind it and now i think it's more like no this this is the model yeah norman was like doing it this way he he mark norm was like he's like it's just an ad for your next tour yeah it's like if you watch this and you liked it my next tour is gonna be jokes that are probably better than that

and you you should come yeah that's and i think the more you guys um you know i'm always trying to just get like i'm trying to like marry it the internet and comedy and like no it is you know i think stand-ups we were a little some of us were a little like uh slow to get on social media we're like no i just want to tell jokes on a stage totally i think i think it's gonna find me in the back and put me on the tonight show like we were a little hesitant there is still a pushback of like i know you don't want to burn material and i know like there there's some hurdles to get over i think but you know but i think if you're good enough to write new material burn it i burn material just the phrase of burning is you're not burning it you're

you're you're three million people are gonna see it because it went viral yeah it's more it's you're burning it by doing it on stage only you know do it for the bigger audience i think also if people like a joke. I've, people have been like, why didn't you tell that joke? I was like, Oh,

I thought you wouldn't want to hear it. That's what they wanted to hear. I mean, you know, they, they like, it's like hearing a song tells the fucking same story. He's a machine.

Every time Nate Bargatze will flat out be like, I'm going to tell you the classics now. Absolutely. And then also you hear other jokes, you come for the experience. Like I, it's a better live i actually also love sometimes being like i've heard that joke you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah

guys like he did this one yeah i also like um you know we we saw we we we saw tom segura at like the very beginning of his monster tour the middle and the end oh and we saw like how a joke changed and added it and it became better we saw that with shane gillis like watching it come together yeah so it's like i think that's just an old archaic way of thinking and i think the more that everybody kind of gets like down with the internet everybody will everybody can eat everybody can get paid i my my hope would be what we're trying to do with parcel comedy is like like when we get it all set and it's just the machines rolling. The idea of like you have to be broke and like eating fucking cans of tuna fish, sleeping on someone's couch while you try to become a comic.

Yeah. It's like no longer a thing. You can have like a living wage. You have to suffer for your art. Yeah. You shouldn't be paid your first eight years. People say things like that. Eight years? Like old guys like you don't be paid your first eight years people have said people say things like that like old guys like you don't deserve anything more than a drink ticket

you get chicken tenders that's it that's what it was in the 80s you get a pack of cigarettes what no i need to survive chuckle fuckers yeah yeah and i wonder how many like really funny people maybe never went to like do a corporate america because they were like, I'm not going to be fucking homeless for a decade. Yeah. And so like I hope that the industry gets better. I hope that the quality gets better. The pay is getting much better. Because you can monetize Facebook, Reels Now, Instagram.

They don't pay you a lot, but it's something. You can make your rent from it. Yeah. You probably still have to live lean for a little while. You have to live lean. And I think that will make you better and all that but comics shouldn't be right you know it shouldn't be it's like the people who are like you got to get to season five and then it gets good it's like well that's hundreds of hours of yeah it sucks right i don't want to live a shitty life for 10 years yeah to then maybe get passed at the club you know so

we're all standing up to these bookers who for years have just been like, nope, you get $800 for nine shows. That's how it is. That's how it's always been.

You almost need to unionize a little. There should be a union, but we never will because we're too selfish. We won't even let anyone else on stage. We're not going to do a committee.

The last place that you got, you will never join together. Everyone. Politicians will unionize before we do. The Republicans and Democrats will be like, oh, yeah, let's join a union. Crowd work comics do that. Never. We'd be like, we're not like prop comics.

I'm funnier than you. Crowd work comics? No. You get your own union. Yeah, absolutely. Well, the toughest thing, once you become a headliner, you can actually make a decent amount of money. Right. But being the host feature, being like a feature, I was that for years.

The pay has literally not gone up in 25 years. Really? Guys are like, you still get $100 a show. That's what it was in the late 80s at this club. They've changed nothing. Insanity. It's insane. Nothing else is like that.

It's insane. Minim minimum wage has doubled if you if you i mean you guys gotta like band together and at least say that we did like let's for features let's all at least agree that's kind of going away a little bit they're realizing they can't get away with that insane yeah and like no hotel a lot of times i would have to i slept in my car so many times on a weekend in cedar rapids iowa getting a hundred dollars i just slept in my car and then the next day i just come to the show like you're a little sweaty uh yeah i worked out a lot i mean god bless that you like still stick

with it because i would just like fuck all these people i have a little black book yeah i remember when i come back to those clubs. I demand five times the money. Yeah, you should, man. Exactly. And I think 10 times and 20 times is probably next in your future. Hopefully. Keep it up, bro.

That's the goal of being famous is to shit on people who wronged you. That's the only reason. That's really the only reason. I got like five comics. When I get 300,000 followers, I'm letting loose on that. I'm letting it fly. All right. So everybody go follow. What. I'm letting it fly. All right. So everybody go follow.

What's his name? Please follow him. Jeffrey ATM. Jeffrey ATM. Jeffrey Astamal. Come on. Very easy to remember. Very good.

Jeffrey spelled the goofy way. With a G. With a G, please. Geoffrey. Geoffrey Astamal. Yeah. You'll remember. Whitecomedian.com.

I bought that, too. Very smart. My tour dates, I bought that URL years ago. Whitecomedian.com. Best $80 a year I've that too. Very smart. My tour dates, I bought that URL years ago. Like Kameenah.com. Best $80 a year I've ever spent. It's incredible. Excellent, man. Thanks a lot.

Thanks for having me, guys. Very fun. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.