KFC Radio - Glenn Howerton, Joe Manganiello, and Why Is Feits' Underwear Wet?

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Kick off the show with a big announcement! -Michael Angelo saw a horrendous mouse mutilation in NYC -Jemele Hill -Feits isn't sure he's showering correctly -Jonathan Bernthal is a legend -AITA Thursday -Voicemails (01:29:30) Glenn Howerton returns to the show rocking a new look! We talk about taking pride in your hair, he breaks down the iconic implication scene, we talk about playing villian, and much more. (01:59:00) Joe Manganiello returns to the show (along with his pup Bubbles). We talk about his new movie Archenemy and how he had to hire a meth coach for the role, being honored by Primanti Brothers, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JoeManganiello @GlennHowerton Subscribe to our youtube for daily videos: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. My underwear is still wet right now. My underwear is wet right now from this morning. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Me and Fights were just getting settled, getting ready to do the episode.

Nick was like, hang on, I'll be right back. I'm going to print some shit out. And we just had a deep combo about porn. Yeah. About our porn habits, who we like, what we're watching. I used to watch this, but I'm off of that one now. You know who I've really been watching a lot? I mean, it was like guys talking sports, but porn.

It was guys being dudes to a toxic level. Way too much. Way too much. It's like, you know, it really was like sports. Like, hey, did you see the performance he put on last night? Yeah. Three home runs. Can you believe it?

I was like, you see our boyfriend's cock? It's huge. John was like, yeah, it makes me uncomfortable. I was like, me too. I mean, we're talking about like too much. And then he just grabs the headphones and goes jackie are you there are you listening and for a split second we thought we had this whole conversation with our intern listening and i was like oh my god we're in trouble a full 10 minutes of just a young female employee that machine would have been a fly on the wall so i don't think it really would have

been on us but there are yeah i don't know if fly on the wall. So I don't think it really would have been on us, but there are, I don't know if that holds up in court. I don't know if the me too movement allows that. There are times now, like it's just like a weird, because of COVID and things like that. People are on zoom and it's happened to Jeffrey tubing. We weren't to that.

We weren't both fucking jerking each other's dicks, but yeah, that went on a couple more minutes. Who knows what Jackie would have heard. But like, I've done like, I do therapy and he just joined and i'm like i'm like uh like i'm always like god i hope these fucking microphones are yeah otherwise we're gonna have a weird kfc radio episode this week yeah that could have been uh exceptionally awkward if she was just like

hey guys i know what what would we have done i would have been like lol it was a bit that was a joke video bit ever totally new original segment called trick the intern into thinking you're talking about porn that's so funny my heart fucking jumped out of my chest for a second you were like really distraught i was like oh. My heart was in my throat. My dick. I was like, I'm going to put my dick away first. Jesus Christ. I'm all hot and bothered over here. So we came in hot, to say the least.

And we've got a big episode with a couple of monster guests. Two returning guests. And a big announcement. And a big announcement. We got Joe Manganiello and Glenn Howerton both promoting the movie Arch Enemy. Both in this sci-fi action movie that's a monster so two of our better guests ever back to back uh we'll of course do voicemails and uh am i the asshole today's episode all of it is brought to you by three chi three chi is uh the industry leader when it comes to hemp derived cannabis

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The first ever a very barstool Christmas. We're going to have a barstool Christmas celebration on KFC radio. It's a live show on Wednesday night, eight o'clock. Uh, it is presented by new Amsterdam vodka. So, uh, you know,

we can't do live shows in person. We can't get back out to the comedy clubs and the theaters. So we're going to do it, uh, at the next best place, John Henry's apartment, my apartment. Let's go a night,

a night with KFC and Feidelberg in Johnny's apartment. We're going to be streaming it live. We're going to have, uh, Chris DiStefano, the, are you garbage guys? My apartment! We'll talk about Christmas. We'll do a KFC radio episode. It's like a souped-up podcast, live podcast on steroids, which is something that we want to try to, I think, go forward with on a bigger scale. It's kind of a test. So, you know, we've done the live show thing, and I'm sure we'll do more of it if and when we're able to get back out there. But I do believe that we are more of an internet show. We are digital. We've always been podcasts.

We've always been on video. You watch it at home, on your phones, on your computers. And, you know, we put on a good live show. And I think anybody who's ever come out to the comedy clubs and the theaters have enjoyed it. But I think it's more realistic for us to just keep killing the internet. And so I think COVID or not, we're going to probably keep going forward with regularly scheduled video

live podcast, kind of like what Tom and Bert Kreischer have been doing and your mom's house where, you know, you can kick back with us for a night and we, you know, we go balls to the wall. We'll get guests. We'll, we'll cut loose. We'll do some segments.

We'll do some prerecorded bits, the whole nine. It'll be on Barstool, and it'll be on YouTube, I believe. Oh, actually, no, it'll be everywhere. It'll be everywhere. Yeah, this one is – Twitter, it'll be on – Imagine if we were doing a gambling cave, an electric chair, wherever you can watch it.

When we do Friday Night Pints sort of thing, you can watch it on the blog. You can watch it on social. Wherever you usually watch Pints, you can watch this as well. And then going forward, we figure out where where it'll live when we're doing uh you know big extravaganza type shows so the first foray into uh what i believe is going to be big for us specifically just because again it's a little bit of it i i feel this way at least a little bit of a square peg in a round hole with live shows just because that's you know everybody else in our in our uh field if you will our stand-up comics who have a podcast and we were

just we just had a podcast so um i think you know we're better suited on the internet i think i think you're hard on yourself about i am i know i am i know i like they're like live podcasting is just a thing yeah like a lot of people who's yes, the people we specifically talk to usually, but also there are a lot of fucking people who just do live podcasts. For sure. And I think that a lot of times the live podcast, they just are like,

we're going to have a conversation up here for like an hour and a half and people do enjoy it, but I feel compelled to make people laugh and have punchlines and almost be like a standup comic and I'm not per se. Whereas I think if we do something on the internet,

it'll just be like, we're in our, I'm in my comfort zone and i'll be ready to fucking let it rip and kick back we'll be doing it in a different setting we have some more guests so it's uh you know it's different and i think it'll be a hell of a night it'll be a fun time i think it's gonna be very very fun i'm gonna get drunk at it i'm gonna drink a lot of new amsterdam uh a responsible responsible amount of responsible amount um but it's gonna, I think we'll probably have some presents exchanged. I don't know, I was just thinking maybe we do a little Yankee swap.

With all the people there. We do a swap. I think we'll be presenting the Ruth Kondo Awards. We'll be giving out the best awards. Yeah, I think so. We'll do best picture for the people who painted ridiculous do uh we'll do uh you know best picture for the people

who painted ridiculous paintings we'll do best fake kid tweet we'll do best uh ruth bader ginsburg tweet we'll have a couple a couple uh categories uh and we'll read off the nominees and give out some awards uh we'll have the guests coming through that'll be we'll do a very a very trashy christmas with are you garbage we'll talk about what what a white trash christmas be we'll do a very a very trashy christmas with are you garbage we'll talk about what what a white trash christmas entails we'll have to stephano come through and hopefully he'll show us his cock uh maybe maybe we can sit on his lap who knows so it should be a fun night that i think a lot of people will enjoy and uh so it'll be wednesday night a week from uh you know less than a week now uh and it should be the first of many to come, I think.

So it's a test in some ways. So the more the merrier, the bigger the number, the better the feedback, the more interaction we can get. We would appreciate it all. So mark it on your calendar. Tell your friends. Get together with some buddies. We very much appreciate it.

Yeah. We need this one to be big so we can shove it up Stu's ass. And if you tell your friends and you get together with a bunch of buddies, if you can. I think it's a cool thing if you are stuck, if you are locked in. It's kind of like what Friday Night Pints was. It'll be like a Friday Night Pints experience where you can come hang with us and everybody will be watching at the same exact time and you can live tweet it and interact hopefully in like a chat of some sort, whatever platform you're watching on.

So it'll be, it should be a fun night. So check it out. Very Barstool Christmas presented by KC Radio Wednesday night, 8 o'clock featuring RU Garbage, Chris DiStefano and others. And it's going to be a fun one. It's going to be a good one. I'm very much looking forward. I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm very much looking forward to it. Yeah, you're going to be nervous? I don't think I'm going to be a fun one. It's going to be a good one. I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm a little bit nervous,

but I'm very much looking forward to it. Yeah, you're going to be nervous? I don't think I'm going to be nervous. I don't know. We'll figure it out. I'm nervous about... Once you're sitting in your own house, you'll be fine.

Yeah. Once I have a few Navi drinks. Yeah, we get Navi flowing and then we just kind of do a podcast. You have a couple segments that we know we're going to hit and the rest will just be bullshit. So that'll be dope.

All right, so in the next week, make sure you get in all your Ruth Conda Award nominations. Send me. We've got a bunch already. But if there's any more that you want to make sure have been officially nominated, send them to me with the hashtag Ruth Conda Forever Awards. That's how I track them all. Also, if you have any ideas for what we should do for our, our secret Santa Yankee swap, tweet us any good gift ideas that you have,

um, for, for John, for myself, for any of our guests. And, uh, yeah,

get the hype rolling. Tell your friends, tweet about it and let us know anything you want to see on the live show that night. And so we can make this as a good and as big as possible. As far as today, we got some things to talk about. We got a lot. We got a lot today.

Hot. I'm hot. Let me take off the sweater here. I want to start. Let's start. We're going to make sure that John's apartment is nice and safe and secure. Before we have a live show there, we don't want anybody breaking in. You know what?

There's two ways to keep your house safe in the city. You can either kill a rat and hang it from a fucking cord dangling in front of your apartment building so that nobody enters. I mean, what in the world? It was one of the more disturbing photographs ever. I'm not even kidding. It was a disturbing image that was, I mean, it's up there with some of the more disturbing images you'll ever see in your life period old school internet 1.0 shit I was gonna go with like Birmingham but yeah

yeah sure all that stuff both disturbing things you see like a picture of like a burning cross or you see this rat who's been lynched or you see fucking Jarman all that shit. This,

for anybody else out there who still thinks New York City is like this magical, wonderful place, someone fucking killed a rat, wrapped a cord around its neck, a string around its neck, and fucking lynched it.

I mean, it was dangling in the wind. Which is fucked up, but I get it. You're sending a message. Those other rats are seeing that shit. You're sending a message to the poor son of a bitch. That's some fucking Hamlet shit, man. That's

Shakespearean. Could you imagine being the guy, you're walking into your apartment building, this would be me, I got my head buried in my phone, I'm on Twitter, and I just, like in a long-came poly, when Ben Stiller's got his face up against Philip Seymour Hoffman's body. Imagine that dead rat just

clocks you, get teabagged by the dead rat. I wouldn't break into that apartment. I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not going in there. But that requires killing a rat and lynching it. Do we want to do that? No, we don't. We want to just have our house protected safely and affordably. And that's brought to you by SimpliSafe.

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It's cheap. And it's not on you anymore. Right. Then it's like, well, I did my part. Like simply safe. We got to talk to them. You don't have to live on the range anymore. Right.

Simply safe. Simply safe. Dot com slash KFC radio. All right. Topics. First, let's go jake paul and jamel hill i i this one just i was taken aback i was taken aback you were taken aback by what i was surprised that she did this i was so so jamel hill and and uh carrie champion they have a show on vice called Won't Stick to Sports,

and they were interviewing Jake Paul, and she jokingly asks him, was it racist for you to knock out Nate Robinson? And Jake Paul's kind of like, what? No, we're just boxers. No, race has nothing to do with it. And then he has some problems with his Wi-Fi, and the connection was bad, so they reestablish it and carrie champion again she asked you this time and like doubles down and and jake paul's like can you stop asking me that that's a shitty question like there's no race involved

and she's like no no no no like we we gotta wake you up we gotta have the conversation uh you know is it racist for a white man to knock out a black man which puts jake paul in like an impossible spot because to be like i think it's okay for white men to knock out black men that doesn't sound great at all does it so uh it was a joke but my thing is that if dave chappelle said that it is funny it's a funny notion black twitter has has been joking and some people have been serious about it. There was this very bizarre, automatic racial thing going on there, right? Everybody felt it right away. It wasn't like when Conor McGregor has hyped up some of his fights sometimes, he has been racist. And there is racism in boxing and fighting promo and shit talking many times. There was none here, but it was implied.

Because Jake is kind of like this brat. You know, he's a white brat and Nate's like this black guy and there's just like automatic vibes. But but Jake Paul's like, I'm not racist at all. There's nothing here. So there is something funny and inherent about it. But if like Dave Chappelle did that, if Chris Rock did that, if a very funny person who has made a career off of that type of humor did that, I think it would play.

I think it's crazy for Jamel Hill to now all of a sudden think that she can just be doing tongue in cheek, laughing about this stuff because she's been deadly serious about it every other time. Yeah, I completely agree with you, but I also think that I don't, I don't have,

I know Jamel put herself in a tough position because she seems to be one of the most disliked people on the internet. It seems like – Both sides kind of like – That's what I mean. It feels like – A little Lena Dunham-esque where even the side she's arguing for is like – I'd rather just not be like Frank and Dennis with the US Constitution.

I wish you would stop using the Constitution this way. I'm going to try and decide who can use the bathroom. I hate being on your side in an argument. Yes, yes. to try and decide who can use the bathroom right like i hate being on your side in an argument yes and i don't really have i don't consume enough jamelle hill to have an opinion on her that's not based on anything but what other people say yeah like i don't i don't know i've never really read many articles or seen many of her actual videos and shit like that so i don't i don't really think anything about jamelle hill but this video like it was clear that people just wanted the shit on her i feel like because what she did was she asked a Twitter question.

It reminded me of a, was it Walker Bueller who had a really tight pants in the world series? Yeah. And like the person asked and it was like, well, yeah, it's literally what everyone's saying. It's silly,

but like it's a topic of discussion. And, and like what their problem is, is they asked, which again, they're clearly joking. I don't think either of them. Anybody who's saying that they were serious is being ridiculous. And anybody who's saying she was joking, but she believes it.

I think you're getting a little like conspiratorial. Yeah, right. So but like anybody who's just like, no, that was serious. It's like she's literally laughing. Yeah, she said both. I bet you a lot of people read that quote and didn't see it. If you see it, you know she's joking. If you want to tell me that you believe in her heart that she does.

What I was interested to see, I haven't heard their reaction. Because I think when people get told, oh, that was a joke. Well, it wasn't funny and it missed the mark. You get defensive. Their reaction should be, you're right. That was a joke and it misfired and it didn't hit like hand up if they start to defend it i could see them getting into a place where they almost like rev themselves up to being like well there is a discussion to be had so like no

no no because you get defensive about your humor and next thing you know you i've done this where it's like like i kind of did it with the mandalorian where i was like i didn't really care but all of a sudden i'm arguing about it. And then I was like, no, you know what? This show fucking sucks because you just get into the argument of it all. So they better not condone it in any way. I think we both agree if you were being serious, you're a fucking asshole. Right. Then you were a race-baiting asshole if you actually think that there is racial implications.

So their reaction next is important. By the time you're listening to this they probably already have reacted so no they have what did they say uh uh jamel was like basically i can't believe you guys think i'm being serious like i i forget it was like uh okay like that's why i'm mad at people for for saying that she's serious that shouldn't be the reaction i think the reaction should be like well now all of a sudden we're joking now now we can do lighthearted humor. Now we can poke fun at this after everything she's ever done has been like so fucking serious.

And we've taken little things and made big deals of it. Now she gets to joke. I don't think that's fair. Again, I don't know enough about her. I think she's always been a fairly not a comedian by any stretch of the imagination. But I think she's always, again, not always, I feel like I'm talking myself into circles here, but the,

I don't think everything is, there's a lot, there's a fucking ton, but I think she could also, I feel like her and Michael Smith would laugh a lot about shit. Well, that's what is tough too, is that time she came at us,

and then everyone found that tweet where she was making fun of Manny and the Tranny, and it's like, well, it looks like sometimes you do joke around. But then I don't think you can do both of those things. I feel like it's tough. And she doesn't do enough joking where all of a sudden – like if we did that, we can't do that because it's like white guys and race.

And that would be trouble. But the essence of that joke we could do because people know we're not serious about these things. And like I said, if Dave Chappelle did like a skit on that, it'd be fucking hilarious. Yeah, but also that's an unfair burden to put on someone. You have to be Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock. No, but I think you have to be comedic and that's a you know, if you touch

subjects of race and abortion and all that shit that's like tough, you have to do it very well. And I think you have to have like a track record of it. I think you have to be known as like I'm the guy who jokes about racism. I'm the guy who takes serious subjects and spins them into a, into a joke. And she's not that in my mind.

I mean, no, but also I don't think of her as funny at all. It's one of those things that like, I think it's a clip we've probably used before in the past at bar school where like Patrice O'Neill is like, look, I was trying to make a joke.

If that didn't work for you, then that's fine. But I wasn't being serious. So you can't hold me accountable for being serious. But I'm holding her accountable for being serious. I'm holding her accountable for being like it's not her lane really. I mean, you've got a show on like a late night show on Vice. Like you're going to be a little funny sometimes. Now, maybe she wasn't the right person to hire or whatever yeah but like i i don't think when your

show is called like won't stick to sports like it's gonna be about like social issues and it's gonna be like her her jamelle hill's bread and butter is not humor it's like it's it's racial issues it's societal issues it's politics and then you're touching a very like third rail object uh topic and being like and it's like well that's you know i i said like but almost like she's like lighten up lighten up it's like well i'm you know we wanted you to lighten up for fucking years you're the one who takes everything and spins it into a big deal or takes things out of context yourself or is hypocritical about it just doesn't feel like if you're gonna you can be funny sometimes i just wouldn't touch that issue with the guy right there too it's like how is he supposed to respond to you in that well i had two things so one i feel like me getting mad at her which

i'm obviously not uh like that would be hypocritical that would be like manny the tranny type deal if i was like i don't like that joke you didn't do a good job with that joke i've made a fucking a million jokes that people don't like and i've been like look i was fucking trying to be funny it didn't work for you sorry yeah right like my bad um but so like if i'm like oh how dare she joke about that like i joke about things i probably shouldn't joke about and i don't do a great job all the time we do that's who we are she we never put ourselves out there as like also read my fucking think pieces about these things for you know we get serious sometimes very rarely very rarely extremely we we are the opposite she yeah the amount of times that we are serious is the equal to the amount of

times that she is joking right and so when you jump in to like i'm talking more not even just you and i'm talking like barstool as a whole yeah but like like yeah sometimes they're just serious articles written on our website yeah about people are passionate about and so we try and be funny but sometimes it gets serious you're trying to be serious and sometimes you get funny like we're both going to be pretty bad at the other one right i don't know right but that's what i'm saying as long as we're admitting like it was it was bad like it wasn't well i wasn't well done i think the problem with it was because i feel like i've had i've done this with interviews before too where i'm like i know i have to bring up something that's going to make them uncomfortable. And like, not like uncomfortable,

but like something that I don't, it might be maybe even more so me than them. It's going to make me uncomfortable to bring this up, but like, it's something that the internet's talking about or like Tommy. I don't know if that needed to be brought up. Like Tommy Lee's dick. Yeah.

Right. But that's more like that. I think that didn't need, I don't think anybody would ever be like, how did you not bring up a black, black Twitter saying this is racist? I mean, it was one of the main storylines of the fight. After the fight I did, that was...

I would not, if I had interviewed Jake Paul, I would not have felt compelled to talk about that. I don't think I would have felt compelled, but I would have done it. I probably would have said it. Yeah. But the thing is, they said it again. Yes. If you did it once and he kind of laughed, it was like...

And it pre-taped. Like, they chose to air all that. And it was like, if he laughed, it was like, nah, nah, nah. He'd be like, yeah, and he kind of laughed like they chose to air all that and it was like if he like laughed it was like nah nah nah he'd be like yeah and he moved on right but because like all right i said the thing that like is was a a pretty big storyline i talked about it he gave his answer and now it's like but to to keep going with it and although carrie champion did say she also was like jamel laughed about it and did it once carrie was the one who was like no no no. Like, we got to wake you up and have you be a part of this conversation. Like, she kind of kept pushing it.

I think both of those people or a producer or someone needs to recognize, forget about, like, humor versus racism versus think piece. Like, that was a bad question in an interview. You know what I mean? Like, you know when you've asked a question that's like, oh, yikes, this is not this is not working well. So, like, let's just move on. Yeah. Rather than let's do it again. I also think that.

So, first of all, Carrie Champion replied and said that that was all pre-agreed to. So that's maybe just Jake Paul being a showman. Like, yeah, ask me about it. I know that'll be viral. And two, I think she's getting a bad rap with. I don't think she meant I want to wake you up and have you be a part of this conversation in racism. Now, I only watched the clip once or twice, so maybe I'm wrong, misreading it. I thought she was saying like you're sneaky.

Physically wake you up. Yeah, I thought that, but then when I watched it, I think saying like you got to be a part of the conversation, that sounds to me like be a part of the conversationverse like the racial conversation not like engage in this i guess i'd have to see the full interview which i'm not gonna do um like how was he started he starts like slapping himself on the face and i was like oh maybe he's waking himself up like it's early in the morning for him when they recorded this or whatever but when she said like no no we gotta wake you up we gotta make you a part of the conversation i was like that feels like you have to engage in like the racism conversation saying it that way i agree with you but when she said it i didn't feel like i didn't right so i don't know but so either way it just leaves it's just like i can't believe they even still like

to me that would have been like oh that didn't work so let's like edit that out or let's not air that right i mean because it just it didn't land either of the times and was not particularly funny and also leaves you open to the criticism, you know, and the crazy people being like it was serious. Like it's definitely not serious, but it's just I just think it was a joke that didn't land. Yeah, you can try it twice. And they probably don't want to because it's probably what they wanted. Sure. But I mean, I didn't know they had a show.

I didn't know that. I was I thought she was doing like a town hall on Vice. I didn't know she had a show. Right. I saw the watermark and I just I didn't know what video was coming. I saw the watermark, and I didn't know what video was coming. The video I saw of it didn't even have a caption. It was just a bunch of question marks. And I was like, I don't know what I'm about to watch.

It's tough, too, by the way, because they say stick to sports, but the title says it's written out in parentheses, won't. But then when they say it, they're like, welcome back to stick to sports. And it's like, I don't know what the real name is and what the real name isn't. And I'm like, this is not going to work. This show is not going to work. All those parentheses have been ruined for me by the AIDS movement. What?

When I see parentheses now. You think of AIDS? I just think of red. Yeah. Especially if it's like before a word. And maybe it's because my mind's not there because I believe they have a red background on this set. So that in parentheses means AIDS. But your Rorschach test

is just wacky parentheses AIDS AIDS what's up what's next on the rundown all right next topic I don't think I shower right how do you okay so it's not even the shower it's the post shower where I okay I'm just gonna pose it this. How long are you dressed after a shower? How long before I put on clothes? How many minutes pass before you put on clothes? Okay, let me just run through what I do. I get in the shower. I wash my body, not my legs.

I believe in gravity. I know that my legs are taken care of. I wash my hair face you don't wash your face you just wash like you dick and balls and that's it then I will dry myself in the shower because I get cold I like to stay in the actual shower

then I will stand I'll wrap a towel around my waist and I will brush my teeth I will put on deodorant and then I will walk right to my bedroom to put clothes on. Okay, but when you say dry yourself off, how dry? Again,

it really depends to me. It's about like cold, like being cold. So like right now in the winter, I will like dry myself off. I'll do the thing where you grab both sides of the towel and get your back. I dry off. I'm like, I'll do the thing where you grab both sides of the talent and get your back. I dry off.

I dry off. So you'll just stand there soaking wet. See, this is my problem. This is, I knew I do. I do it wrong. And I just don't have the patience.

You don't shower wrong. You dry off. I dry. It's more of the post shower activity. It's more. It's not that you dry off wrong. You don't dry off. I am.

I am fully dressed within two minutes of getting out of the shower. So you're like putting, you're like soaking wet. Soaking wet. I mean, that's crazy. I am. dressed within two minutes of getting out of the shower. So you're like soaking wet. Soaking wet. I mean, that's crazy. Particularly my undercarriage. I've never put a towel on my underbuttons at once. I've never done a re-eat. I've never

By the way, I don't do it between my dick. I do it like my back. Yeah, nah. I don't even know what you're talking about. Okay, I just don't want people thinking I put my towel and I floss my ass. I don't even know what you're talking about. Okay. I just don't want people thinking I put my towel and I floss my ass. I don't do that. You kind of do. No, I don't at all.

I go like this. Oh, I see. Yeah, heavens no. I would never do that. Because the middle of my back, you know, you're kind of reaching this way, that way. And then when I dry off, I go legs first, and I'm like – I get down there. I'm doing my legs, doing my legs. Then I get like the arms.

Then I'll do the back thing. I am head to toe dry. Okay. I'll give you a visual description. Let me get that shirt. Having a beard like now, it's like when your beard is as wet as like the hair on your head. It's like you got to dry off your face too. It's a lot.

So here I am. I'm coming out of the shower right now. Ready? I got my towel. I know what you do. You go, you pat your face and that's it. I got my hair towel here.

My hair towel here, right? Boom, face. Two runs through the hair. Yeah. Around the waist. Yeah. And then we're to the mirror. I mean, that's crazy.

You're traipsing water all over the place. It looks like they do cannonballs in the shower. Yeah, yeah. It is. I mean, that the place. It looks like they do cannonballs in the shower. I mean, that's crazy. It's crazy, and I know I'm doing it wrong. I just will not stop.

And then you put a shirt on, and it's like wet. Underpants are the worst. My underwear is still wet right now. My underwear is wet right now from this morning. I swear to God. There's your cold open. Oh, my God. It is like. Some days it's easier.

I mean, it doesn't make any sense. I know it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And I can't stop it. Well, it's just like the ultimate laziness, you know? It's just, I get dressed moist. Ugh. Not only that word, but just the thought of feeling it.

It's like. Okay, you know what? I cook a It's like... Okay, you know what? I cook a lot. You know what? You know how people get really turned off by wet socks? That's what you do willingly. 100%. Your whole getup is wet socks.

Undo myself right now. Undo myself, he says. It's all wet and just getting stuck. And it's like... It doesn't make sense. I know it doesn't make sense. And it's... Okay, so I cook a lot.

And with the whole fresh, they have the directions that say, like, pat your chicken dry before you start to cook it. And I give it a pat dry. And that's how I treat my body. This fucking man compared himself to a chicken cutlet. I am a raw piece of chicken. He says, I treat my body like a chicken cutlet. You are a pathetic, pathetic man. Oh, my God.

It's just like you're making this process horrific for yourself, you know? It is. In the summertime. Not ideal. In the summertime, I might, like, air dry a little bit more. But when I'm cold and I've got to put on, like, a sweater and shit, it's like, ugh, you're going to be wet. Yeah. Especially if you have a fuzzy sweatshirt.

It's like, you know, it's getting stuck on you and you've got to pull it through when it's wet. If I wear a dark shirt, like all the fuzzies, it's stuck to me. Yes, yes. I wore a brand new, yes. I was wearing me. Yes. Yes. I wore a brand new. Yes. I was wearing a black shirt.

No. It is an older one though. I wore a brand new. No. But I wore a brand new black hoodie the other day. So it's super soft. And I was running around here doing the goddamn Jets. And I poured beer on myself.

And I was sweating from the Raiders game. And I like the black fuzz like came off on me. You know. But it was like a. It looked like a bruise almost. I black fuzz came off on me. It looked like a bruise almost. I was like, what is this black tint? I just rubbed it and it was lint all over me. That's what you just do to yourself every morning. That is insane. Almost every day I come home,

my skin is dyed a tone of the clothes I was wearing. You tie-dye yourself. you tie-dye yourself yeah you know you tie-dye your own flesh if you you like get caught in a rainstorm and like new jeans and like you take them off and you're just blue like yeah like i'm like when when you're it bleeds into your sneakers that's you on your skin every day for on purpose right not every day but well yeah i mean not every day does it run every day they're put on while I'm wet. Totally ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous. Your girlfriend needs to just whip you into shape. I need her to sit there in the morning. They dry yourself off. Finish. Finish. Finish it. It is like the I guess that's how I rebelled as a kid was I just didn't do the bare minimum.

You really showed them, John. What a rebellion that was. It was just like, I didn't like to brush my teeth. I didn't like to put my dishes in the dishwasher. I was a regular person, I feel like. I don't think it's obscure. You are a colossal idiot.

It is staggering. Again, I can't stress enough. My underwear is wet right now. Also, by the way, it should be dry by now. It's been a long. It's been a long. I guess it's probably. Probably.

It probably creates like a rainforest effect. It makes you sweat more. You just have damp underpants right now. Every day. The words damp and moist have been used too much. What's the next topic? Dry yourself off. This one's a fun one.

This one. Well, it's not fun. It's crazy. You sound like an elf. Oh, one's a fun one. This one. Well, it's not fun. It's crazy. You sound like an elf. Like, oh, this is a fun one. Okay. When do you think that women were allowed to have their own bank account? Oh, this makes me feel like it's a date not too long ago.

This is a Picasso-esque question. Yeah. This is like when, like, remember when Augusta let Condoleezza Rice in in, like, 2013? Yeah, yeah. That was crazy. And I believe she's still the only one. Yeah. It's not like there was, like, the floodgates, right?

They were like, I will let this one in. Women were allowed to have their own bank account. I bet is it in the 1900s? Is it in the 1950s? A little later. 60s?

Okay, so here's the deal. In the 60s, it was legalized. But banks were still refusing them. And in 1975, it was legalized, but banks were still refusing them. And in 1975, it was made in the law that you could not refuse a woman her

own bank account. See, these are things where... Bro, I was born a little more than a decade later. Yeah. Like, my brother has friends who were born in the late 70s. You know what's funny? Picasso probably never saw a bank account. Yeah, Picasso my brother has friends who were born in like the late 70s. You know, it's funny. Picasso probably never saw.

Yeah. Yeah. Picasso was dead right around that edge. You know, that is 73. Those are things where I, you know, sometimes jokingly, but also somewhat believe like the glass ceiling is overrated. There's women CEOs. There are girls who are, who have careers. Like let's not make it out to be blah,

blah, blah. And then you hear that they couldn't get a fucking bank account. 1974. That's why the divorce rates have gone up. We can't kidnap women anymore. So that's what, that's my first thought was like,

the only reason it probably became necessary was we needed, they, they got divorced and needed their own bank accounts. And they were like, well, if we're going to let these bitches divorce us, I guess we got to give them a bank account too. Shit. Like that's like fucking women, like single women, so little cat ladies, spinstresses, whatever.

We're just fucking burying money in their backyard in a tin can because that's the only place they could legally keep it. I mean, that is fucking nuts. The fact that they could, I don't know what's worse, not being allowed or it's legal and they're just like, no. No. You know, that's even worse to me. When you get all that money, you steal it from your husband? Right.

You fucking thief it's one thing if a if a bank teller is like listen lady like when i put your information in the system it's like it's gonna say no i just can't do it for you versus like a bank teller being like i ain't giving you one you know like like these people in the banks really had a moral opposition to a woman just having an account if it's illegal it's illegal if it's legal and you're just like, no. Jesus Christ. That's nuts. That's like the Jim Crow laws of the bank.

That's why fucking housewives in the 60s and 70s were always fucking 50s too. We're always fucking cooking, always fucking cleaning. Because guess what? They need to get their goddamn allowance. Yeah, and that's why guys were just fucking and doing whatever they wanted. They're just like, you cannot go anywhere.

You have no money. You are literally legally attached to me. That is crazy. And you know what also is crazy is how quickly it's flipped in the sense that I don't even know where my money is. Yeah, yeah. Like in my house, my parents' parents house like my dad never paid bills or anything he just like made the money and my mom took care of everything he almost got the allowance dude i i like it took me many phone calls like when i was like applying for an apartment yeah

to like find my money like i i just like i didn't know how to get bank statements and shit like i didn't know what banks i had to call it was it was a process an arduous process for me to locate my money and and it was just again disclaimer like you are the idiot but yes i i do understand your point well in most households now i feel like the women run the finances yeah and i say most as in the one i grew up right i was gonna say me and you basically but i do think it's uh like i mean i hate paying bills i fucking hate it to the point that sometimes i don't don't do it and then i like i every time i i've checked my credit it's only been a couple times but like i checked my credit recently and it was good and i was flabbergasted because i was like i have bills that i just ignore

yeah you know if someone wants money from me don't ask me for it yeah i'm not giving it to you i wouldn't i wouldn't know how to give it to you. I say this to you. If I can't Venmo it to you, I don't know how to get it to you. The biggest piece of advice I can give people, young people, is... Oh, as I say that. You got to Venmo somebody? Oh, fuck. Go on.

No way. No, nothing. I did have a checkbook. I don't know where it is. Yeah, I have not had checks in a long time. No, but I mean, I had it like recently. Yeah. Like in this office. Yeah, that's gone. I don't know where it is. Yeah. I have not had checks in a long time. No, but I mean, I had it like recently, like in this office. Yeah, that's gone.

I don't know where it's gone. Fuck me. I think the biggest thing, biggest piece of advice I can give people when you're first starting out, take the extra 15 minutes, even half hour, because like you said, it can be an arduous process to find your routing number and your bank account number and all that. Set up your auto pay to your actual bank account, and you never have to do it again. Every time I've ever lost a credit card, changed credit cards, whatever, I all of a sudden, like, well, yeah, this is overdue, and that's not paid. I mean, I remember once I wasn't paying my insurance because my credit card expired. And I missed maybe two months, whatever.

And I got it back. And the next week, my nanny was in a car accident. And if I hadn't fucking fixed that, and we had a car accident, and we weren't covered, I would have been in so much trouble. My ex-wife would have fucking murdered me if she was like oh it's covered by insurance i'm like yeah sure i don't think that's fair of her to do because you should know you should know that i'm that i'm incompetent you gotta stay on top of this stuff well that's the thing about getting divorced by the way

you just lose all of the things that women do i i've told my friends. I said, I don't RSVP. I do not RSVP to things. You invite me to something and I plan on coming. It's going to be a question mark until the day I come because the RSVP is a woman folk job. Okay. And things like that. Yeah. Like bills.

And that's the ladies in tablecloth dresses. When my car broke down the other day, I was like, yeah, the tow truck was coming, but they said they were going to be there in an hour, and I needed to get to work, so I just had to leave it there. I'll deal with it later. And she's like, if you go through Geico, they can tow it without you being there.

And I was like, oh, fantastic. And she was like, how have you even been surviving without me? And I'm like, I'm not. Look at me. I'm not. I barely am alive i don't know any of these things the fact that you even made a phone call like if my car broke down if i had a car right now and it broke down you would know yeah i would call it out i'd call

an uber yeah just leave it there and i just leave it there i don't know someone's gonna do something with it at some point i'm sure it. It's not going to be there forever. I don't know, eventually it'll biodegrade or something. I don't know. Now a statue. At best, I'd push it into a river. You know, turn it into one of those cars that you beat with a hammer outside when there's a game at night. You know what I mean?

We'll paint the logo on it and you just smash it up. I'd go fucking Ryu on it. What a ridiculous premise that was in Street Fighter, by the way. Beating a car with your bare hands and destroying it destroying it with your kicks rye you man he was barefoot okay am i the asshole coming up uh but first john made a uh a discovery a revelation if you will i i was watching uh theisher last night, and I'm a big Jon Barenthal fan. I love Jon Barenthal. I know him as Shane from The Walking Dead, for those who watch that.

Okay, I never saw that one. But Jon Barenthal, I feel like, doesn't have a ton of leading roles. At all. But every movie he's in, he makes significantly better. Which I think is one of the nicest things you can say about an actor. But I was watching The Punisher, which I've seen before, but I just, for some reason, was on my Netflix homepage again.

And I don't know. I'm a slave to technology. And I said, well, if that's what you think I should watch, I'll watch it. It was literally it. It was just like, okay. You recommend it for me? Sure. Okey dokey.

And it's nice to not have to make decisions. I wish Seamus would do that. Here's what you have for dinner tonight. Perfect. Done. Perfect. Done. Perfect. Done. You have a 98% match on these tacos.

Great. Love it. Let's go. Here it is. In fact. That's an idea. Hang on a second. We might have just stumbled onto something.

That's an idea. Eat Flix. Eat Flix and they just give you matches. Most popular right now. Popular in your area like Pornhub. Top 10. Yeah. Recommended for you.

Yeah. Based on your past. Reorder. Eat i love that popping i love that but anyway so i was just i was just laying in bed and i was interested in john barenthal because i'm a fan yeah and i like i mean like his imdb is actually pretty fucking insane uh i'm gonna go through that before we go through his fucking family history. But, okay, his IMDB, what he's known for is Wolf of Wall Street. Pick one. He's great in it. Yep. Baby Driver, he's great in it.

Fury, he's great in it. The Accountant, I don't remember him in it. Ford vs. Ferrari, he's great in it. Awesome in that, yeah. Peanut Butter Falcon, great in it. Punisher, I mean, he him in it. Ford vs. Ferrari, he's great in it. Awesome in that, yeah. Peanut Butter Falcon, great in it. Punisher, I mean, he's fucking unbelievable. And then the other ones I don't really know. Oh, Shot Caller, he's great in Shot Caller.

He always plays like a badass. Sweet Virginia is one of his lesser known ones, but he's a star in that one. He's fucking great. But he's fucking awesome. So I was just like, hey, I like this guy. What's his deal? Yeah. And I remember reading an article on him in Esquire.

This is probably around the time when Punisher was coming out. And he just seemed like a badass. Yeah. Like, I knew his family was interesting. It didn't go as in-depth as his Wikipedia does. But I knew his family was like, I don't know if they were politicians or what. But he grew up in D.C. And he was kind of the bad boy brother.

He'd get in fights. If you've seen his nose, he looks like this. Very broken. And there was one funny line where they were at a dog park. He has two pitbulls. And one of the pitbulls started wrestling with another dog. And he gets up and he starts running across the dog park yelling, shove your thumb in his ass!

Shove your thumb in his ass! Shove your thumb in his ass! And I guess that's how you get a pit bull to calm down. I don't know about calm down, but it's how you get anything to stop doing what they're doing. So he just sprints across the dog park and shoves a thumb up a dog's ass. And I was like, I love this guy. This guy's a wild man. And so now I finally did the Wikipedia search. He has one of the wildest families you'll ever fucking hear of in your entire life.

Like, it's crazy. The success of it. First of all, he went to Skidmore and Harvard. Grad school at Harvard. Sure. His brother, Tom Barenthal, former NBC news producer, now the CEO of a marketing company, engaged to Sheryl Sandberg. Sure. COO of Facebook.

Billionaire, no big deal. Right? His other brother is a doctor at UCLA and a professor at UCLA. That's like the lowest, you know? It's like, ugh. Right. A doctor. The third brother is John Barenthal. Oh, also Wind River, by the way. Yep. Wind River. Great movie. Great in that.

Then his uncle, Murray I'm sorry, his grandfather, Murray Bernthal, was a violin prodigy as a child who went on to play basketball at Syracuse University. His cousin, Adam Schlesinger, is... Oh, this is the most Jewish

family ever. Bernthal's in the Schlesingers. Holy shit. Schlesinger is the founding member of Fountains of Wayne. Stacey's mom has got it going on because Adam said so. He also wrote That Thing You Do, a Tom Hanks movie. The greatest fake song of all time. He's like a fucking music icon who also passed away from COVID in April, RIP.

And finally, his wife's uncle. His wife is named, I believe it's Erica, or I forget exactly what it is, but some standard name, Angle. Because her father's brother is Kurt Angle. The guy who won an Olympic gold medal with a broken fucking neck and then went on to be a hot star in the WWE. That's all in the same family. The Kurt Angle twist is on the TV. Like, you go to Thanksgiving and Kurt's there. Holy shit.

My family is such a bag of shit compared to that. I mean, we got nothing. We got nothing. Like, that guy, he owns like a landscaping company. It's like, great. You need to move mulch. You call up Ricky.

He'll come take you up real nice. And he's like the star of the family. an electrician. You need to move molt. You call up Ricky. He'll come take you up real nice. And he's like the star of the family, you know? Like, fuck. We didn't do shit. He employs a lot of illegal immigrants, but still votes red. The thought that, like, nobody in my family tree has left their mark on this world, you know? Like, we will go. We will come and go.

We will be dead. Maybe one day our lineage dies out and it will not matter. The fact that this bloodline ceases to exist does not matter. The world is probably a better off place. I mean, I just don't even

like, it's so easy. You can make the argument that everyone in that family is the least successful person in that family. Yeah, right. However you frame it. You can make the reverse argument everyone in that family is the least successful person in that family. Yeah, right. You can make the reverse argument that everyone's the most successful person in that family. But everyone you can make an argument is either a dog shit or a king shit. One or the other.

Stick your finger in his ass. Jesus Christ. All right. Next up. We'll do a little M.I. the Asshole. M.I. the Asshole. M.I. the Asshole is brought to you by Screwball Whiskey. Are you an asshole?

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Right, right. You can sip it smooth and be like, yeah, that's right. It's because you're eating peanut butter. Tastes good. I've never understood why whiskey has to taste the way it tastes. I've never understood why some of these other brands go down fucking hot, warm, and got a bite to it, and everybody still does it. Why don't we put a little peanut butter in the mix? It tastes good if you're drinking it straight.

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Whiskey and natural flavors, 35% alcohol by volume. Go get your screwball and enjoy your cocktails. Am I the asshole for setting up a pee trap for my wife? I don't know if he's the asshole or not. I just know that you are not going to win this one. You lose, sir. Hello, everyone. I don't know if he's the asshole or not. I just know that you are not going to win this one. You lose, sir. Hello, everyone. I'm a 39-year-old man, and I'm married to a 31-year-old woman.

First, sorry about the, quote, pee trap terminology. Her words, not mine. Ever since my wife and I were just dating, she tried to be very insistent that I sit down to urinate. I do not want to sit down to urinate, and so I do not. I'm already coming around on him. Yeah. Frankly, I don't think it's any of her business how i pee anyway correct for years now and especially lately every time she goes to the bathroom she does this crazy eyed thing where she looks down at the floor groans then pulls out paper towels and cleaning spray to wipe it up i do not pee on the floor i never have, but she calls it a splash mountain regularly. Recently, I had something of a revelation when, as usual, we were all having an argument about this topic,

and she said that all men pee on the floor every time they go to the restroom. It seems like she is outright hell-bent on proving a point. Anyway, the other day, I had had enough. I went to the restroom, stood over the toilet for a minute, closed the lid, and flushed. Then called her in. I asked her to point to where i had peed because i'm not trying to change my behavior and in a couple seconds she spot she pointed a spot and said there the spot was clean i hadn't used the bathroom since the day before i told her as much she then got incredibly upset she said i set a pee trap and that what I did was really mean to her. Then she

insisted that every time I go to the bathroom, I pee on the floor again. I've had enough. I think she's just trying to get out of the fact that I caught her in crap, but she has doubled down on her behavior and is completely convinced that I'm a relentless asshole. I love this guy, and I take back everything I said. He wins. I

caught this bitch red-handed. Nobody's the asshole here. Because she's right. I don't think she is. Oh, yeah. You pee everywhere. No, you don't. Yeah, I mean, you get most of it in the toilet. Don't get me wrong. I don't think you pee everywhere at all. The bathroom, there's a reason it's tile floors because there's the pee room. We're going to get pee on the floor.

I mean, you can get it on the floor. Every time? Certainly not. No, no, no, not every time. I would say the majority of the time, I'm in the toilet. In fact, let's go to the barstool bathroom right now. Whatever goes on here is insanity. There's piss everywhere. I mean, you see footprints. I mean, this place is covered in piss.

There are people in this office, I don't know who, I'm going to have to set my own pee trap and catch them, who I think just pee on the floor. Yeah. Like they stand in front of the urinal and they just go, you know what, nope, I'm going to back up and just piss on the floor instead. There are humongous puddles. There are sticky spots and puddles everywhere.

Yeah, it's bananas. Disgusting. And I don't notice it so much in my home, so maybe I'm just more accurate peer than everyone else here. Bro, when you're peeing into a toilet, as long as the water's not high, you're good.

Yeah, but you'll probably, I mean, when you flick it, right, it kind of fucking sprays a bit. Like, yeah, look, it's probably not even a discernible amount you're good. Yeah, but you'll probably, I mean, when you flick it, right, it kind of fucking sprays a bit. Like, yeah, look, it's probably not even a discernible amount you're getting on the ground. Yes. But there's a little bit of pee getting on the ground. You're not enough to demand I pee sitting down. No, because I don't pee. If I'm going to pee

sitting down, it's going to be on my own accord, lady. In fact, I think it's bizarre how many men do pee sitting down. I think it's like always, like, it was always back in the bar school confession days, it was always a confession. If I'm tired, I sit down and pee. If I'm hungover, I sit down and pee. I don't fucking do that.

I pee standing up every single time. I have on a very infrequent occasion, I've done it. I like to keep these cheeks clean. If I don't have to sit, I don't fucking sit. I mean, I'm definitely not doing that in public. No. Maybe at home. Or sometimes you think you're going to go, you sit down, you don't,

you just pee, and you're like, all right, well, whatever, well whatever you know yeah uh but yeah some guys seem to really love it uh i don't know about that but i don't care if you want me if i pee standing up and you want me to sit down i want to be standing up if i if i pee sitting down and you want me to stand up i just don't want you telling me how to pee yeah none of your fucking business yeah but you probably would have an argument with me if you said i have to start putting the seat up because i like i don't want you telling me how to pee. It's none of your fucking business. And you probably would have an argument with me if you said I have to start putting the seat up. Because I don't do that very often. When I learned. Why do you think that women want you to put the seat down? I'm saying you probably want me to pick it up.

Because I don't pick it up. No. I just fucking pee. That's what's so funny. That's how you know you're addicted to future John problems. Because I look at that, and I get in the bathroom. And as long as the top seat is already up, the cover is already up, I go. I'm going to pee on that.

I could bend over a little bit and save myself some time in a minute. Right. Or I could just pee. In a second. No, I mean like in one minute. In one minute from now. In one minute from now, I will be saving myself some time. Or I can just pee, and then once I pee all over this fucking seat, I'll wipe it off and clean it.

Every single time, I opt to clean my toilet afterwards. Me too. The other day. No sense. John, the other day, I just blasted the back of my seat. I'm at home, not at work. I mean, I just peed all over the seat. It was like, you know, sometimes where, I don't know,

it's clogged in the front or something. It comes out hot. I mean, it was everywhere. And I was like, and I mean, I had to do a full-blown cleaning job instead of just lifting it. You know, we just don't. That's the laziness of man can be summed up best in that one spot. Yeah.

But when I learned. I don't know where my money is. I don't know how to pee. I don't know what to do with towed cars. And I'm not lifting the seat. When I found out, whenever they were like, we want you to put the seat down, I was always like, that's crazy. That's like, we pee on it. I would have thought that their gripe would have been that they want us to put it up.

Yeah. And then when they come in, when I read it on the internet and heard that it was because they fall into the toilet, that's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Girls are mad at us that they walk into the bathroom, I guess maybe sometimes at night when it's dark. Vagina out. And just blindly sit down. Before checking if there's a seat.

I could understand if you were like, well, I just assumed that the seat's down but it's like but i don't know what about other shit that might be there you have to look where you're about to sit what if there was a fucking snake there what if there was a trap set you got that you can't just blindly be plopping down and be like i fell in the toilet because i didn't look where what was beneath me before i put my body there that's insanity you have you have two exposed holes that things can go into. Take care of that.

And you're just going to sit on whatever without even looking? What if earlier that day a plumber had been by and he left his fucking tool set on the fucking seat of the toilet and you sat down and you got to wrench up your pussy? Who knows? You have to look where you're sitting. Women are always saying, like, oh, men can't be trusted. Men are trash.

Don't trust us then. Ever. Don't trust us in the bathroom. Always assume. It's open. It's up. You have to put it down. Have some fucking sense of the moment.

No, I am sitting pussy out right now. Crazy. I should make sure nothing's gonna come inside could you imagine in anything go inside me i don't know maybe the fucking guy said i don't know could you imagine in any scenario just walking up to a a seat of some sort and just blindly plopping down you always look where you're about to sit and make sure you're going to land on the surface you expect to land on it's nuts it's i i thought if anything their gripes should be you put the seat up always so you don't piss all over it and then i will put it down and i know that i'm putting down a clean seat every time but no we're falling into the toilet i'll tell you this much. If you are an adult person, woman or man, and you ever find yourself falling into a toilet, that is your fucking fault.

The moment that you are ass in a bucket of water with your legs out and you're like, oh, I fell in the toilet, and you try to blame that on someone else, that's ridiculous. We live in the age of personal responsibility, and I demand it from females. You got your own bank accounts now. If Adam's in 75, you can certainly figure out how to sit down on the toilet properly. Shit. And I'll tell you what for this guy, too. This is how you know you're not the asshole, I suppose. Because if you're in a fight with a lady and she's legitimately angry, you won.

Yes. Because that's how she's angry. Yes. Anytime a girl is angry, because she's like, you got me. Yeah. And boy, I mean – And he got her. And there's a difference between like I have won this logical debate. you with points that are like i win the discussion versus i have the like legal court of law evidence

like i set you up right and there's no possible way it could be this you know i've done that before i've gotten i've gotten i've i've gotten a girl before and like it is so rare that you vividly remember rage like blind rage talking george brett pintar rage and it's like like i was like it couldn't have been possible because that wasn't even whatever it was and it was like so satisfying but but it does kind of go back to what i said in the beginning if you're gonna be married or you're in a relationship you don't really win you win you won the argument but this girl is going to fucking cause a scene until you just – Yeah, now she's not even – Yeah, congratulations.

You win. Now you're getting a divorce. She's taking half. You're never going to fuck again, and she might divorce you. You win, you know. So, you know, even when you win, you lose. But I think that she is the asshole. I don't think there's enough P.

Assuming this guy is competent. There could be a little bit of pee. To claim that there's enough pee to demand someone. But again. Even if there is a little bit of pee. That's why. But that's why we fucking make everything fucking. Tile.

Yeah. It's going to evaporate. The pee evaporates in the pee room. To be. It's like a sauna of pee. To ever demand anybody pee a certain way or do any of their bathroom stuff a certain way, the only thing I'm going to demand is that you dry your fucking self off. Other than that, everybody in the bathroom can do whatever they want.

I also have a demand. Hey, ladies, stop with the faucet. Yeah. It's ridiculous. We know what you're doing in there you're just you're you're just making it a megaphone yes now i know now now now i know you're taking a shit now my wheels are spinning i'm either like are you pooping or does she pee with such force that she needs to hide something we all have we've talked about this to a million times on kc radio how we don't

understand how women pee and it's that of a leaky faucet so now you're turning on an actual faucet and you're just doubling the sounds of faucets now I'm just hearing a twice as loud faucet you idiots idiots like what what could you possibly think you're covering up in there like all right if if I hear a secret I'm like well they're taking a dump okay I mean yeah if, yeah. If you're going to go in there, see, that's the thing. Anything that's loud enough and disturbing enough to us, the faucet is not going to overcome. No. Right.

If I hear you fart into an empty toilet bowl, so it's a cacophony of fart noise, like it multiplies and megaphones it, magnifies it, then the little ssss is not going to do anything. Now I just hear a faucet running and a girl farting. Okay? That's why I fucking am smart. I only poop when I have to shower. Always run the shower. Put the shower on, get the music going. Guess who's in a fucking cone of silence now.

Guess who's taking a 45-minute shower. No, no, I was pooping for 20. I was jerking off for 15. I showered for 5. But I do think if I was a working off for 15 hours. I would provide, but I, I, uh, I do think if I was, uh, there should be maybe,

uh, like, you know what? Well, I, oh, you know how my idea is like automatic prenups. So you never have to have the awkward,

the awkward conversation. What if just like every bathroom, like when you, when you turn the light on music place, there's always music play and then a girl never has to worry about turning on the faucet and guys don't have to worry about like farting it's just like when i go into the into the bathroom top 40 place i love that idea if the light's on well i guess that night would be tough if you like go to pee in the middle of

the night but i don't know i don't know the issue here is what we're running into is uh an episode i referenced earlier we're running into is an episode I referenced earlier. We're running into the sunny bathroom situation where they're trying to fix it when they make just screams. That's the Aaron Ryan episode, right? It's one of my favorite episodes ever. Just moaning and groaning in pain.

It's like the banshees. It's like... Frank comes out with a paper. Could you hear anything? Couldn't hear a thing. The banshee's like... It's so fucking funny. The prank comes out with a paper. Could you hear anything? Couldn't hear a thing. Yeah, I mean... I guess at the end of the day,

it would be better if we could just all agree that the sound of liquid trickling into other liquids is not that bad. It's not that big of a deal. We're all just animals dumping in the shithouse you do have to control your fart noises we should all put in an effort to control our fart noises another issue we're running into here

at the barstool sports bathroom I hear motherfuckers in there we're getting a lot of bathroom talking I don't care what you're going to tell me nothing will compare to that Frank the Tank shit so whatever you're going to tell me it's a continuation of it yeah where it's just like i mean twice today i've walked into the bathroom to not only hear farts and plops but grunts and like bro you heard me come in yeah

just fucking shut up and be invisible for a second while i take my piss and also get the fuck out of here get some goddamn fiber in your system these people in there who are like whoa it's like an austin powers fucking scene like hang on to this partner we're gonna get through this jiminy cricket have some coot all right voicemail time let's go uh voicemails today are brought to you by proactive proactive is the number one acne brand for Americans, adults 18 to 34. If you've got acne and you want clear skin, you can check out the Proactiv website,

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you're and you know cut on my face and you know it will be satisfying if you get it so you want to but then yeah you just have this like red mountain on your face that's going to just eventually bleed so just leave it to the doctors and the professionals and leave it to proactive uh right now you can go to proactive.com that's p-r-R-O-A-C-T-I-V, no E on the end,.com slash KFC Radio, and you will get the Hydrating Duo free gift. That includes four hydrogel masks. I love a good mask. And the green tea moisturizer, so you get yourself some nice lotion.

That's Proactive.com slash KFC Radio. Fix up your skin issues, get your free gifts, get your masks, get your moisturizers, Get your free gifts. Get your masks. Get your moisturizers. And have nice skin. Guys, too. Like, you know, fellas, having nice skin, having soft skin, having clean, clear skin, it's a good thing. It's a turn-on.

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Oh my God. Suicide's the only, only escape. Tom Segura played this thing on, uh, on, on his, his live show.

It was a guy like, it looked like a little pimple and a big pimple. And then he like popped it and it left a fucking hole in his face. Like it was one of those, like an iceberg, you know, it was like a little thing. Oh,

and have you ever heard of salivary stones no you gotta watch no yeah no i won't i won't you gotta watch i won't you have to no dude come on i peaked yesterday you gotta watch this you gotta watch this i honestly don't know how much of this i'm gonna watch it's it's quick i've never even heard of this one, of Salivary Stone of you. No. I don't like... You like the pimple popper shit. It happens under your tongue.

It looks like a fucking horn came out of his mouth. Watch this. All he did was flex his tongue. And it just comes out. This is so funny. Like, Bert just did this to Tom a minute ago, and Tom did this. He was like, what the fuck is this?

Watch it. Did you see it come out? Oh, God, dude. Imagine having that under your tongue. It's like an antler. It's like a rock-hard antler, and it was under his tongue, and then it just came out like a dog getting an erect dick.

Crazy, huh? Voicemails, please. Voicemails. Oh, I'm so bad at that stuff, especially with a mouth. A mouth. Let's go, Nick. KFC fights. Nick, whoever else is behind the booth, what's up?

First time, long time. Got a little bit of a hypothetical for you. So let's say you have a life sentence in jail. You're never getting out. How long would it take you to willingly receive a blowjob from another inmate? So no Cockney sandwich,

no Harold and Kumar shit, just straight up. How long would it take for you before you were like, you know what? I need my dick sucked. Probably before I did fingerprinted me. I right, be there. Probably before they fingerprinted me. I mean, I guess if it's truly a life sentence, it's like, well, who cares? No, see, that was obviously a joke. But, like, I don't think.

Now, would you want to get your dick sucked by a guy? I don't think I would need sex. We've obviously gone down this road before. I enjoy sex, but I am not a sex addict. And I don't think now I could be forced into some situations where I didn't have much of a choice.

That's a different situation. But if it was just up to me, if I had my druthers, I think I would just become celibate. I would just go, I would just jerk off, and I would be fine. I'm going to come out and say it. I am a sex addict. You can do that

if you wanted to. No, I know. But I enjoy it. Look, if there's some guy whose day was like, that guy sucked my dick, I'd let him. Wait, so you would do it or you wouldn't do it? I'm confused. I probably wouldn't, but I don't need to have

sex i just enjoy having sex with people i have sex with so if there's some guy there's i wonder though if you if you had if you were staring down the barrel and never doing it again you're a guy who's been able to get laid enough your whole life you know you're like i'm never gonna fuck again it might be different story i i yeah probably but also like that like when i'm faced with such a a monstrous task a mountainous task i'm usually just uh eh fuck it i think i'll go back to bed i i think what i've learned from from wallow is that the ingenuity these guys come up with with the fake pussies is probably the route i would go i would probably be like trading cartons of cigarettes for the guy who can make like like, the best fake pussy in the world.

See, I don't even need that. Did you jerk off? I've used fake pussies. They're fine. It's easier just to fuck my hand. Yeah. Yeah, easier for sure. But, you know, I don't know.

Eventually, you're like, I want to feel some plastic. I want this dick to go into one of those little fucking jelly finger things, whatever they are. Remember those? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I definitely remember those yeah you fucked it yeah i never fucked it why not i mean it wasn't like uh if you were of age and you had that thing you didn't i think i was probably too young like i you were fucking

children's toys is the problem with you you gotta like squeeze the other end of it because it kind of like couldn't really fuck it. Yeah, you had to like hold it so it's not rolling so I can fuck this thing. Quit squirming. Chasing it down the hall. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't think I'd ever

seek it out. Put it this way. If I ever woke up in the middle of the night on death row, getting my dick sucked, I'd probably be like, finish up. You know, what's that? Is that Dane Cook joke? I'd be like, finish up and get the hell out of here. Go ahead.

I think basically it would be, come down to me, it would be I need to be wooed. Oh, you want to be wooed Oh you want to be You want him to romance you Yeah there would be a courtship You want to be like let me get that I want that dick

Yeah it would be like I want you to come in this mouth Like a courtship I don't think that's happening He likes me and that he really is interested In sucking my dick. Are you interested in what I have to say? Basically, I'd be like a woman at a bar.

Where it was like, all right, I mean, you seem nice enough. You put in a good amount of effort here. So whatever. Fine. We can fuck. Just put me in a position where it would be rude not to let you suck my dick. And I'll get a blowjob. Then I'll get a blowjob. Then I'll get my dick sucked.

Basically say hi to me. We went full circle there. We went from a courtship to say hi. Just don't beat me in prison and you can blow me. I mean, that's just how I am. I feel like we'd be giving them, not getting them. Oh, yeah. I know I am. I feel like if you're polite. I feel like we'd be giving them, not getting them. Oh, yeah. I know I would.

They wouldn't be fucking. They'd be violent. Remember in 25th hour, they said that they just knock all your teeth out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like, in that case, I think I'd be like, I'll just blow you. You don't have to knock my teeth out with a bat. I won't give you toothy head.

I'll give you good head. No, but I think they knock them out so you can't bite it off. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so I think I'd just be like, look, I'm ready and willing to put the copperhead away. I promise I won't bite. Shit. Shit. KC fights BC. Nick. KC,

Fight, BC, Nick. First time, long time. I have a Am I the Asshole for you. So last week I was hooking up with this chick that I met on Hinge and we'd been seeing for about a month and a half. After we were done hooking up, we were cleaning

up and there were more used condoms on the ground than I had used. I said to her, I said, I didn't use these extra condoms. And it became awkward very quickly. And she said that she hadn't had any other guys in her bed. So she doesn't know how they would be there. I finished up cleaning up and I left pretty quickly. And the next day she called me and we talked and she told me that she didn't like that I accused her of hooking up with other people. I said, I didn't accuse you of anything.

The only thing I said was I didn't use these extra dirty condoms because I didn't. Anyway, we probably aren't going to hang out anymore. But the two questions that I had for you were, am I the asshole for saying something about the extra dirty condoms? We weren't dating,

but had been steadily hanging out two to three times a week for about the extra dirty condoms. We weren't dating, but had been steadily hanging out two to three times a week for about a month and a half, and I didn't accuse her of anything. I just pointed out the fact that I had not used these extra dirty condoms. And then also, what is the most awkward hookup situation or after hookup situation that

either of you have been involved with? So wait, just to be clear, this guy just found used condoms that he knows he didn't use. Yeah, bro, are you fucking in a crack then? Like where? Are there just condoms shrewd about everywhere? How many condoms did you use? Yeah.

You just used one, right? Also, by the way, well, you use one per time. Right, but then you don't leave the other one on the fucking floor. Anytime, if I can remember way back when, I take it off, I wrap it up in some toilet paper, and I put it in the fucking trash can

in the bathroom. I think we've said this before. I'm pretty sure I flush them. Right, which I don't think you're supposed to do. That creates the Fatbergs. Right, yes, correct. We've definitely had this conversation. Fatbergs responsible for Fatbergs. Yes, definitely remember that. So, maybe I don definitely had this conversation. But – Fidelberg's responsible for fat bikes. Yes, definitely remember that. So maybe I don't wrap it up.

Maybe you could see one in the toilet. But to be like, all right, we had sex three times this week. There's three. I see – He's six. He's still not even – But he's not even saying in the trash. They're strewn about the room.

Yeah, that's disgusting. That is horrifying. But you know what? In that case, then it's like if i was that girl i'd be like look look at this bedroom man there's fucking cum everywhere of course i'm fucking other guys like if we're at the point where you're just counting the number of used condoms on the floor i don't think we should even care if i'm seeing other people yeah we have other issues to fry and all i do hate i hate what you're doing here bud i hate the i didn't accuse you of anything oh come on yeah you did know what you replied you accused me of it yeah

like like if there's two of us in a room yeah and you say did you do this right you're asking you're accusing me of doing this is whoever saying whoever smells the delta right you're assuring you haven't done it yeah so therefore you're accusing me for sure that that's like the donald trump like yeah if i'm not gonna say it but if i was gonna uh but i i guess uh like she's fucking other dudes you know so like i mean i don't know maybe she's not maybe other people are fucking you just lost track how many condoms you left on her fucking floor. I do feel like it's the, you know, I take the condom off. I know where I put it. If there's one in the other corner of

the other room, I'd be like, that wasn't me. I feel like you would know. I mean, the room I'm envisioning is like Jesse and Breaking Bad, just like graffiti and needles. I was going to say the room from 7. The one with the guy tied to the bed

which is fucking just dirty condoms hang all over the fucking house yeah I am picturing a legitimate trap house mattress on the floor

fucking no bed sheets you need a dead body yeah like it's just this disgusting room and you have to fuck someone with a knife trapped to your death

no no I was talking about the other guy the guy who's already dead. Yeah, I know, but I'm just throwing everything in. There's a head in a box. Literally every scene from Seven. And her nose is missing. But the... But...

I think that this could be a... This is... Who you're having sex with is the most depressed person on the planet Earth, I think. Because if you leave anything bedside, that's how you know you're a depression session. Because you can't even get out. You can't even go the extra ten steps to get rid of it. I got, like, bags of chip bedside.

I got fucking glasses of water. I got water bottles. That's when, like, I'll come in my room, I'll be like, you gotta clean up, buddy. You are. And like, she's just getting fucking, fucking not loads dumped in her, and then just fucking slinging these things around, and you're like, oh, wherever that goes,

we're insane. You are talking to the man, you should just throw them out the window of the garage. Who knows better? I had the hand Yeah, he knows. Fucking David and Goliath have been slingshot there. I once, I'm getting, my nose is getting stuffed up as I'm doing this podcast. So if I'm doing it like this, that's why. My girlfriend in college, on again, off again, after college, once found a birth control, like the packet, the thing that looks like a makeup case that you put it in.

Yeah, yeah, Polly Pocket. That was in like a duffel bag that i like grabbed from my house and i don't know i don't think it was my mom i don't know my sister i don't know where it came from but i absolutely know for a fact it was not a girl and i was not sleeping with anybody else other than her and she was getting she was like real quiet like all night and i was like what the fuck is going on like i know i haven't done anything wrong here as a matter of fact we had like just gotten back together so that's probably why she thought something was going on but i was like, what the fuck is going on? I'm like, I know I haven't done anything wrong here. As a matter of fact, we had just gotten back together. So that's probably why she thought something was going on.

But I was happy to be back together. So I was like, I hadn't been fucking around. Nothing was happening. And then she finally was like, what's this? And I was like, oh, thank God. That's fucking. I don't know what that. But I had no answer either.

Right. But I was so relieved that I was just like, it was obvious. I was like, I don't know where you found that. But I promise you answer either. Right. But I was so relieved that I was just like, it was obvious. I was like, I don't know where you found that. But I promise you it's not that. And I think it was such a genuine reaction. I feel like when you have literally no answer, that's the best case. Right. If you have an excuse on deck, it'd be bizarre.

You know, it's like, I literally don't know where that came from. I don't know what to tell you. I just, it's somehow stuck in. But like, that doesn't sound great either, but you know, yeah. Why do you have little children's toys? I don't know, but I'm not fucking anybody. I know that much.

Uh, so yeah. You have any of that? Any of those? I don't, I mean, I had obviously my, uh, my cleaning lady who was trying to fuck me over. Definitely. Um, but like, that was the same thing. That was like, it was like a pair of underwear or it's like a small t-shirt or something. It was like, who's this? I was like, that was the same thing. That was like, it was like a pair of underwear or it was like a small t-shirt

or something. It was like, who's this? I was like, I have no idea. It was Caitlyn's. I could not tell you what it was. Remember that?

She said it was Caitlyn's? Oh, yeah. That's even better. I was like, oh, this must be Caitlyn. What are you fucking talking about? I don't know Caitlyn. The one name you can't use.

You know what I mean? Out of all the other names in the world. It was, that wasn't Caitlyn's shirt. That was, she just, when I went to with my girlfriend

this must be Caitlyn the fuck would I be talking to you about any girl I'm sleeping with you're my grungy lady who by the way I used to go to weekly and just haven't seen her in a year how about this I think she thinks I'm dead because I moved

I love thinking about that stuff what are those people at your favorite She might be dead. Well, I think she thinks I'm dead. Oh, you don't know anyone? Because I moved. Oh, right. But we're living in a pandemic, and I moved. I love that. I love thinking about that stuff. Like, what are those people at your favorite bar, at your favorite corner spot? They're just like, that guy's gone. Yeah. Did I ever tell you guys the update? Remember there was a KFC radio?

I actually did go say goodbye to the guys I bought tins from, but I didn't go say goodbye to. That's nice. Yeah. Did I ever tell you? I think I mentioned this, like, at least in the past year. There was a KFC radio intern named Harry one time that he just stopped. My brother. It was early on.

He just stopped. No email, no nothing. And my brother was like, I think something happened to him. And just a couple months ago, he finally reconnected. It was like, I feel like an asshole. I just ghosted you guys. I didn't want to do it anymore, but I didn't know how to say anything. And he just didn't want to send the awkward email.

And part of me was like, I respect that. You were so eager to avoid an awkward conversation that you just let us assume you were dead. That is a commitment to it. We joked about it extensively on the podcast. Right. And you didn't have any need to clear it up. You heard that, and we're just like, don't. I'm not going to read.

I mean, I guess at that point, you should just ride it out. because being like, hey, I'm the guy who was so socially awkward. Assume that was dead. I don't want to own up to that either. If you were afraid to send the first email, you're probably definitely afraid to send that one. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Liquid IV. If you're going through the gauntlet that is Christmas parties, holiday parties, where it feels like in the month of December, every other day you're drinking.

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What's up, KFC? Fight for someone, Tom. I was thinking about, like, I was watching Blade as a kid. I don't know when i was like eight years old and they were about to go fight some vampires or whatever and the girl was in the back seat of a car and she pulled her headphones up through the back of her shirt and wrapped it around her ears and i thought that was the coolest thing ever and then exclusively after that i only wore headphones up through the back of my shirt and wrapped around my ears. So it got me thinking, what's something that you saw in a movie or TV show you thought, that's the way I'm going to do that for the rest of my life?

Thanks. Boy, that guy has a low bar for, I mean, he says it's the coolest thing I've ever seen. I mean, I can picture it. It's pretty cool. You think so? I think so. I've seen it before. I don't think anything of it. I think it's actually kind of inconvenient. I think it's definitely It's pretty cool. You think so? I think so. I've seen it before. I don't think anything of it. I think it's actually

kind of inconvenient. I think it's definitely inconvenient, but cool. Inconvenience is often cool. Or cool is often inconvenient. Sneaking your wires up your shirt. I'm going to vote not cool on that one, but what's something?

I feel like I've seen, I feel like I've definitely popped a toothpick in the mouth every now and then based on seeing guys. I can't pick a specific one, but I definitely feel like that's been a thing, a toothpick. I would probably go easy and just go binge drinking. Binge drinking. Yeah, binge drinking looks pretty fucking awesome. I've never really succumbed to smoking cigarettes, but people make smoking in movies look really cool. I mean, even like drugs. Basically basically like i mean pick something about me i stole that from a movie yeah yeah right or or i mean maybe movie everything i do but just

like pop culture like maybe not a movie but like i saw that actor walking down the street wearing that's how i wore it like it doesn't necessarily be a fictional thing but all of those people control everything about my style my behavior my decorum my my vocabulary my anything about me you find remotely desirable or interesting it's just something i saw or read along the way and it probably can be traced back to like brad pitt george cloney leo dicaprio uh shia labeouf, Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum. That's about it. There's like eight guys. Did you say McConaughey?

McConaughey. McConaughey. For sure. There's probably a team of like 10 that decided. That would be a cool thing to study if you could take the time to really figure it out. I bet you there's like 10 guys who set the trends of the last like 30 years yeah and 10 guys before that but i bet you there's always a crew of people that's like this this this this this this this all these things can be traced back to like just these

guys right here yeah well it's basically it's the gazelle argument yeah and it's just human so you have the 10 gazelles in the world right or whatever there are four gazelles five gazelles yeah and then the rest of humanity is just a frankenstein's monster of gazelle yes right right all in a mouth trying to make myself look like a gazelle and you know what the worst like thing is is like trying to be gazelle when you're not you know what i mean that's why when you see people trying to pull off like some of the fashion stuff it's like he can do that not you i'm a gazelle with like a penguin foot and a beetle dick yeah and then like it just doesn't make fucking sense i just sewed it all together i'm like this is how i'm trying to be isn't this interesting i look like them right nope no that's

like it's it's it you almost get drunk on it and you forget yeah where you got this yeah yeah except for when you leave movies when you leave a movie like you're doing something immediately i mean i'm immediately doing something yeah that was so bad talking with that like their accent yeah the word that they say like yeah that that that's everybody that's everything whether or not you can pinpoint it i don't know maybe some people can't this guy with the headphones whatever but uh i would love to uh wasn't that an idea we had like the psychological study where it was like you could do what movie characters created your personality? Yeah.

We're going to send letters to everybody in Hollywood. Fill out this questionnaire. Return it back. This was created by a psychiatrist, and if you could just fill out this questionnaire for no money whatsoever, send it back. We're going to put it into a system. We're going to tell everyone.

We shall profit. You shall not. How much of their personality is based on what character? But I bet you if we could do that again, it would be like, you know, 89% of everything came from these six guys. Yeah. But tweet at us at KFC Radio. What are some cool things you saw in movies that you figured, you know,

you're never doing anything the same way ever again. All right. Let's get into it with our interviews. First up, Glenn Howerton. Sure. Glenn Howerton brought to you by Miller Lite. Now, we've talked to Glenn before. We know that Glenn enjoys a nice cocktail, a nice drink at the end of the day.

And what better than an ice cold Miller Lite to kick back and enjoy with a guy like Glenn? He's got stories for days. He's got interesting tidbits from some of the best movies and TV shows you've ever watched along the lustrous career with some of the best people in the business. And really, he's been like a friend of mine in my head for two decades. We're four interviews in now. We might be actual friends. Yeah, we're just friends now.

What do you do with friends? You drink Miller Lite with them. It's the ice cold beer with great taste, less filling. That you and your friends can always enjoy. In all situations. Whether you're doing an interview. Whether you're at the bar. I'm going home for a Zoom call right now.

I'm going to Zoom happy hour with friends tonight. There you go. You can get it delivered right to your house when you go to MillerLight.com and it will have all the delivery options. So if you can't get out there because of COVID, you can still get your Miller Light. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin from the Miller Brewing Company. It's 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

And it's just the best beer for all situations. So kick back, crack one open, enjoy one while we listen to Glenn talk. Hey, boys. What's up, Glenn? If Glenn – wait, is your video on, Glenn? Now it is. There it is. Whoa!

The big reveal. Tommy Shelby here. What's going on? This is nuts. Is this for Arch Enemy? It's not for Arch Enemy, no. You know, the truth is, I just every once in a while need to do something insane. Well, mission accomplished.

There really is no other explanation for it i i just every once in a while i i just have to do something so this is not even movie related this is just you just wanted a haircut and you said shade the sides i i just said yeah just shave off the sides and i i just want to just want to feel like a new man you know what the bullshit is it yeah you pull it off. That's fucking annoying. Like every time I watch Peaky, I'm like, I'd love a haircut like that. And then I have two concerns.

One, I'd look like I'm in the Hitler Youth. And two, is that I wouldn't be able to pull it off. And here you are looking fucking great still. You know, it's all right. Yeah, it's okay. It's interesting. It's definitely interesting. I don't know how long I'm going to keep it's okay it's interesting it's definitely interesting i don't know how long i'm gonna keep it for um probably feels great though right nothing on your ears

it's so tight on the sides that's my dream yeah no it's uh it's it's it's fun it's fun to play with what goes on in the back does it go all the way around i've never seen the back of tommy shelby how does that does it come to a point you just do it all the way around 360 yeah it just kind of comes just kind of comes to a little. Yeah. Wow. So what's the last previous to this? What was the latest crazy thing you did when you just had to go do something bananas?

It's been a while. Usually what I do, what I often do when I'm not working on anything, if I know I've got a lot of time before I'm going to shoot something else, um, is I just shave the whole thing. So the whole, I can do this to the whole thing. It's,

it's like a cleansing. Yeah. It feels good. See, I've, I've, that's another thing I'd like to do is just shave it. And I'd like to bleach it.

Like you have it in arch enemy. Yeah. And I'm just always scared. It's not coming back. Yeah. Me too. I used to shave it when I was like mid-20s and I was safe. Now, like 30 plus, especially the dyeing.

I was told, you know, you bleach it that it just like kills your hair and it's never coming back, and I can't risk that. Right, yeah. No, it does start to get a little dodgy as we get older, right? You got to keep an eye on things because, you know, things will start to thin out without you even realizing it. I mean, I was doing this thing this morning for Entertainment Weekly, and they were showing me, like, a clip of something that I did on ER 17 years ago,

and I was like, oh, shit, man. Like, my hair was definitely thicker. Yeah, right? 17 years ago, of course. It better be shit. But at least you're skinny, though. Like'm i can't be fat and bald right i can only be one or the other yeah and right now i'm i'm really holding on to fat but i can't add bald into the mix yeah i i think you're right it's funny though because like i don't know if you guys feel this way but like um when i see like dudes that are bald or dudes that like have a receding hairline

or like are balding in places like what i it doesn't it doesn't look bad to me like i'm just like whatever like it doesn't it doesn't but it's like the thought of me balding is like horrifying. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know why because I really don't – it doesn't look that bad to me when I look at it. It's like any form of dysmorphia. You're pretty right. I'm never like, oh my god, look at this freak. He doesn't have hair.

Right. So I was like, okay, yeah, that's a bald person. But if I had that, I'd like chop my head off. Like that's it. I got to kill myself. Life's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's my head off. Like, that's it. I got to kill myself. Life's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's also like, I don't know about you.

I mean, I just, like growing up, I always had like just a giant thick head of hair. And like when I was in high school, it was like really curly and just, it was out of control how much hair I had. That I think that like a lot of my identity is ripped up, is wrapped up in having like a head, a big full head of hair. And if that went away, I'd be like, well, now what am I? You're like, who am I? Am I even, do I even exist anymore?

Like, I don't even exist. You know who's to blame for all that is our relatives. Because I was the same way. And I had my aunts and my grandparents be like, he's such a beautiful head of hair. And then for 15 years, you hear that. And you're like, that's a beautiful head of hair and then yeah for 15 years you hear that and you're like that's an important part of it's mommy saying you know you're the prettiest boy you're the most my my i am like the spinning image of my mom's dad and he died with a

full head of hair and everybody has always been like well you're gonna have hair until the day you die and then i was like 29 and i posted a picture on the internet and everyone was like, oh, you're going bald, motherfucker. And I was like, oh shit, because it never even crossed my mind as a possibility because I was just told my whole life you're going to look like him until you're dead. So then I just got on Propecia and the gummies and the shampoo.

Got super suicidal. Yeah, I got depressed and I went to... But yeah, it's like, I feel like hair is the one thing that that men you know at least stereotypically speaking rival women when it comes to looks and you know the superficiality you get a bunch of guys in a room talking about their hair and it becomes like oh my god yours is so thick your hairline's so beautiful you know we become a bunch of girls talking about it it's it's definitely true i don true. I don't think girls realize that we are capable of having a long conversation,

even as long as this has gone on for. Yeah. We're about 10 minutes in. We're 10 minutes in right now. Yeah. I'm like, Glenn, give me your shampoo. Give me your routine. What do you do?

Yeah. Well, the hair, I mean, it's working for you. I feel like i've never seen pictures of you with your head shaved did you used to do that in between shooting and just kind of stay in hiding or am i just not remembering there's one floating around out there that i think i posted on twitter uh like 10 years ago i mean i remember my wife and i traveled all around europe for like three months um back in 2010 and i just didn't want to have to worry about getting a haircut on that trip so like somewhere like i don't know

a month into that trip i was just like so freeing um there's one out there there's one out there if uh if glenn was short for something oh yeah i'm, wow. You look fantastic. With the Riot shirt and everything? Yeah, you're badass, dude. I would not fuck with that Clint Howard shirt. You look like you're Danny Vineyard's friend in American History X, and not to be fucked with. If Glenn was short for something, would it be Glennjamin, Glennard, Glenneth?

What would it be? What would you want it to be uh hmm let's go with glennard skinner glennard glennard skinner i like that glennard glennard glennard howerton it's got a very uh you know ritzy vibe i've heard all though i mean growing up i mean glenjamin glenjamin a Glenderman. Glenderman a lot. A couple of Glendolins, which I personally found quite clever. I thought it was very pretty. It's a very pretty name. Glendolin?

It's a beautiful name, Glenn. Yeah, Lady Glendolin was like a beautiful woman, supposedly. So we just talked to Joe Manganiello yesterday, actually. And he's coming in hot with the shaved head as well, looking pretty menacing. Yeah. Am I stealing his thunder? That was not my intention. I actually thought about that because I saw him on Instagram with a shaved head.

And I was like, oh, no. Like, he's going to think I'm, like, doing his thing. Yeah, you totally bit his style. I mean, you don't have the same haircut. They both do look menacing. They're both intimidating haircuts. But I wouldn't say you stole it. The movie, though, man, I mean, it's a fucking wild one. It's a trip.

There is some shit in there that I don't think I've ever seen before in a movie. When you see a script like that, is that something like, you know, are you apprehensive about it being crazy? Are you thrilled that it's like something you've never seen before what goes through your mind when you read some of the wacky shit that goes on uh well the first thing goes through my mind honestly is i want to know who the filmmaker is and i want to see what else he's done uh or he uh because i i just want to make sure that the person i'm getting into business with is capable of pulling it off because i mean this script is uh it was pretty ambitious uh you know for for the budget and the

time frame that they were talking about shooting it in and uh you know so uh the the first thing i did was i i watched um they sent me this is before his movie that came out just before arch enemy daniel isn't real it was before it had even come out so spectra vision uh the company that produced arch enemy and daniel isn't real sent me that movie i watched it and was like blown away uh if you guys haven't seen that movie it's so good um and uh and then you know next step was uh you know sitting down with adam um yeah part of me was like this this this is gonna sound kind of fucked up but uh like i i was almost a little like if this guy wants me to play the main bad guy in his action movie is there something wrong with this guy like why does this guy think that's a good idea

and if he thinks that's a good idea because that that, look, I mean, I don't have a proven track record playing, you know, actually menacing, playing psychopaths. Sure. Yeah. In a comedy, but like,

he's, you know, ultimately like, you know, I mean, the character I have to play in arch enemy has to feel truly menacing. Like it has to be like this. He's the main bad guy.

That's a lot of, you know, responsibility. And Adam was just like, I can see it. I know you can do it. And does that say about you you know forget about him it's like you know whom i need someone who's like a bloodthirsty maniacal like evil man let me call him glenn you know well yeah and it's interesting and then he and then he also casts you know paul sheer

yeah you know to play another menacing psychopath in the movie and i was like okay this could go this could go all kinds of wrong um but you know i knew for my own part i mean i i knew i could play it i was scared to play it quite frankly because i hadn't done anything quite that uh dramatic in a while and i just wanted to do right by the movie i wanted to do right by you know look i mean it's a big starring role for joe too and i i wanted to do right by the movie. I wanted to do right by, you know, look, I mean, it's a big starring role for Joe, too. And I wanted to do right by Joe. I wanted to be, I wanted to, I mean, Joe's done, you know, a lot of action movies. And, you know, he's like a six foot four, 200 pound, you know, fucking beast.

And I'm just like 155 pounds you know wimp you know i gotta i gotta bring it in the eyes and and in the intensity in order to have people believe that he could you know be a problem for joe manganella did you did you find yourself at all channeling any any like uh dennis reynolds psychopath type psychopath type of – sociopath type of shit? Because you say you haven't done it, but in some of Dennis' darker moments, when you see those things where they recut a comedy to look like a horror movie or whatever, you could really do that with some of Dennis' darker shit. So I feel like you're right on the edge there with some of your previous acting. You're not wrong. No, you're not wrong.

It's weird. It's like I've always really kind of studied and respected and liked those actors where the difference between their comedy and their drama is like one notch of the dial or maybe two notches. Like Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin in a dramatic performance, you dial it up one tiny little notch and it's a comedic performance right you know I I've I've always just kind of that that's always what I've striven for so like strived for a strive a straved it's a shrewd actually I shrewd for it. So, yeah, I mean, with Dennis, I mean, I never I always thought it would be funnier with with Dennis if it wasn't funny. Right. Really menacing and scary. But what he's saying is so ridiculous and so insane that you sort of have to laugh because if not, you're genuinely disturbed.

So forcing people to laugh because if not you you're like genuinely disturbed so you're forcing people to laugh so if i don't laugh i have to like cry and run so i better just laugh about this yeah yeah yeah and i knew that i knew that you know while the character needed to be scary in arch enemy i also knew that that that it could be fun i wanted it to be fun to watch and fun to play. So, um, you know, it was just kind of just tweak. Yeah. I think it's in some ways like kind of tweaking what I do on sunny, maybe a little bit to, to just make it a little more real. We got a, a young guy here who's helping us out with social media and he's focusing on Tik TOK cause you know,

we're old and washed up and Tik TOK is beyond us. And a lot of what, you know, we're not going to dance. So a lot of the only thing that we can contribute is where we kind you know, we're old and washed up and TikTok is beyond us. And a lot of what, you know, we're not going to dance. So a lot of the only thing that we can contribute is where we kind of do, we mouth and lip sync to our favorite scenes. And we were working on the implication. There's a lot of back and forth that we got to nail the timing. But trying to even just lip sync the implication the right way is a, boy, that was a special scene. That implication the right way is a, uh, boy, that was a special scene. That was special.

Yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, I gotta give, uh, Rob and Charlie full credit for that because that was something I was off like breaking another, breaking another story with the writers and working on a different episode while the two of them were writing that episode. And I remember I came in one day to you know i was like well how's it going guys and they were like dude we got something they were like we just we just wrote something for you like they were all proud

they were like they just knew they knew you know it's like they could feel it they were like we're on to something here like this is the day we just wrote something for you that is so fucked up and i was like let me look at it and i read it i was like oh my god i mean this is so this is so close to the line that i don't know you know also like this is also really funny because i get what you're going for here um yeah it was so great it's so good is that like is that nerve-wracking because even like we're talking about like doing it on tiktok and they're not even our words and we're still nervous being like oh shit we're gonna like how's that gonna are they gonna think this is what i'm saying kind of deal is that like are you like i really need to nail this perfectly otherwise it's yeah it's bad 100 yeah 100 i mean it had to be very clear and i it

was important to me that it was very clear to the audience that what dennis was because i never whether dennis is a true psychopath or or murderer or whatever uh you know is a question that that shouldn't ever really fully be answered so you So I wanted to make it as clear as possible that what he was saying was like, I'm never going to do any of the things. I'm never going to do any of the stuff. It's just that she doesn't know that. And that's what I'm taking advantage of. It's the fact that she does not know me well enough to know what I'm capable of.

And see, you're laughing now because it's so horrible. It's so horrible. It is preying upon, you know, the deepest, darkest fears a girl can have. And we're laughing about it. That's the other thing, too, that to me made it funny and made it sort of work is that Dennis isn't even saying that he's, he's not even going to say he's not, there's no threat. There's no verbal threat.

It's just the fact that we're out here in the, in the ocean, in the middle of nowhere is sort of enough to make you go. The best. It's all time. I mean, as we're talking through it here i think i would have to declare that the best like dennis reynolds moment ever when you really when you break it down that to that level you know there's so much to unpack there it is special my personal favorite i think is still uh trying to sell the range rover in the water. Yeah. But it's an amphibious vehicle.

Do you have more interest in going like in going this route? Like I saw there are some reviews that were like Glenn Howerton is absolutely amazing in this film and he should be looked at more for the like comic book villain angle, which is that something you're more interested in? Yeah. I mean, well, first of all, send me those reviews. That always feels good. Just hearing you say it just fills me with pride. But yeah, yeah. I mean, absolutely. I, I, I, I, when I was in like when I was growing up and, you know, sort of training to be an actor and you know,

heading out into the professional world of I, I always felt, I was identified more as a character actor, but then I guess, you know, certain people were like, well, you're kind of handsome. Like what if you just play like the normal guy? And I was like, how do you fucking make that interesting? I don't know'm just a guy like that's that's not interesting you know took me a while to sort of figure out how to be the straight man just be like a normal you know so like early in my acting career my early 20s and college and stuff i saw myself doing almost exclusively the kind of stuff that i did in Arch Enemy. You know, more character stuff, more drama.

So it's fun to kind of get back in touch with that younger actor in myself who always wanted to do shit like that and, and, and get to do it again. So, yeah, I mean, that'd be blast. Playing bad guys is also just so fun. I mean, every actor says that. And it's true. I mean, it just gives you so much to sink your teeth into and you get to you get to act out certain things that you hopefully don't do in real life get that out of you really want to yeah scratch that itch without going what about uh movies versus tv do you have a preference there as far as uh the you know the, if you will? I've gotten so used to working in TV where there's almost no rehearsal and everything moves super fast that I've learned to just come ready and just be ready to let it fly and see what happens.

Right. right um you know so i'm certainly comfortable more comfortable with that actually than than uh you know in most films where you actually are like you're gonna rehearse and you're gonna sit down with the director and talk about the character and all this kind of stuff like all that stuff i find a little intimidating um but i did all that with arch enemy uh i actually worked way more on that than i have on most things and spent a lot of time talking to the director about it i mean a lot of time talking to the director about it. I mean, a lot of time talking to the director about the character, um, and filling in all the blanks and, uh, you know, because, uh, but also with that, because I, I just wanted it to be convincing. I didn't want to go in there, uh, and, and pull from my old bag, you know, from the same bag of tricks that I, that I'm used to pulling from.

I wanted it to feel like a real guy. So yeah, I mean, I it's it, the process was, the process was different for me. And I, and I think the process on most films is, is different insofar as you usually get a little more time to work on it. So, but there's fun, there's fun in, but there's fun in just being spontaneous. But if I'm going to transform and be a different, a totally different human being the, the time to kind of be able to work that out in a film is a little bit better.

Have you kept up with this, uh, HBO max Warner brothers studio news that broke this week or all, all their films, all Warner brother films will be available on HBO max for anybody who subscribes. So it goes immediately to streaming, which Christopher Nolan and a handful of other directors and studios are, I guess, furious about. And I think it's a combination probably of money, but also, you know, maybe the way they film a movie is intended to be on the big screen versus television. Do you, do you have like, you know, if you put all this work into a movie and then you think about people just watching it on their 40 inch screen at home, does that like bother you or

do you not care or what's your thoughts on that uh i think it's i think it's just it's like you know sort of getting mad that's that you can see pictures on your cell phone like right right it just does not it's it's what's happening forget it it's like fighting the tides you know you're fighting it's just not gonna have your your your there's. It's like fighting the tides, you know, you're fighting. It's just not going to have your, your, your, your, there's no, there's no fighting it. And especially during, you know, times like this, when everybody's at home and they can't go to theaters or they shouldn't go to theaters, you know, what else are you going to do?

And the thing that upsets me honestly, and I've, I've ranted about this before, but is the, the sort of motion smoothing settings that are on TVs these days that come preset so that when you unbox your brand new flat screen TV and you mount it and you turn something on, it's automatically set to this motion smoothing thing, which is really arguably intended, I guess, for like sports,

you can really see every single detail, but it really makes films look terrible. It makes films and TV shows look really, really bad. It's got that soap opera look almost, right? Yeah. Just looks a little, yeah. Yeah, totally. So I would just, I would just urge all the companies that make televisions to just, if you're going to have that feature, okay, fine. But don't have that be – because a lot of people – I'll go over to somebody's house. If I go over to somebody's house and there's something on their TV and they've got motion smoothing on, I go, hey. I pull them aside and I'm like, this is wrong. And they're like, what are you even talking about?

I'm like, I don't care if you see it or not. I'm going to fix it. Just give me a roll. I had no idea that that was even a thing until I think it was when Mission Impossible 7 came out. And Tom Cruise did like a Twitter video where he's like. Yeah, that's right. He did. Before. I forget what it was for.

It must have been Mission Impossible. I feel like he was in Top Gun gear, but I think he was just on set of Top Gun. So it's like it's supposed to look like this. And here's how it looks. It was like I'd never even heard of this thing. And I changed it right away because obviously Tom Cruise told me to. And it does, it does make a difference.

Like usually a lot of those things, I don't have the ear or the eye for it, but I think you do notice that with that. Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people are just, they sort of, they might register it sort of subconsciously when they first get their TV. They, you know, they look at it and they're like, oh, this looks a little weird. And then they just get used to it and

they're like, yeah, whatever. And they don't even notice it, you know? And then you turn it, like I turn it off and there's certain friends of mine, I'm not kidding when I say I do this at people's houses. Like, um, I've had some friends that are like, I don't notice the difference. And I'm like, that's fine. As long, I noticed the difference. That's okay with me. Uh, and there's other friends of mine that are like, oh shit. Oh yeah. And I'm like, that's fine. I notice a difference. That's okay with me. Then there's other friends of mine that are like, oh, shit. Oh, yeah. I'm like, goddammit. These fucking – why are they – so that I think is probably the most objectionable thing to watch.

I mean most people have pretty big TVs these days, and a lot of people have surround sound systems or at least like a cool sound bar. Right. You know what? Even so, like, you know, you make a arch enemy. It's going to have these big action scenes. And sure, would it be better on, you know, the big screen with the surround sound in the theater? Yes. But you think about how many more people are going to it's going to reach on demand or how many more homes or shared experiences you have with your buddies, your family, your friends watching it. It's like I think it all kind of comes out in the wash in one way or another and you know i don't think it's worth getting too upset about yeah i mean i i that but to be fair i also you know to look

at it from the standpoint of a filmmaker like christopher nolan um you know he the way he felt the way his movies are they're very clearly meant to be seen. Like, sure. He made something about them. Yeah. Yeah. Just the way they're shot, the way they're lensed. You just, it's just like to not even have the opportunity or to give most people the opportunity to see it on the big screen. Stuff.

I get it. I it's in there. There's a, there's a sort of like a, a, a feeling of loss too. Cause it's like all those filmmakers, including – and including myself. I mean we all grew up – I saw – that's where I watched most movies was in movie theaters, even old movies. I would go to the classic movie theater and go see the classics in theaters, the way they were intended. There's a, there's a few in New York right now that you can rent out for up to 20 people for like 99 bucks, which I think is like, I feel like I spent a hundred bucks when I go to the theater as is by,

you know, so like they're running Christmas movies. I think I'm going to grab, you know, their mom and my kids and go, you know, watch elf for like a hundred bucks and I have our theater to ourselves. It's kind of cool. That's awesome. Yeah. We're going to hit you with a couple of hypotheticals here before we let you go.

You've played this before. Answer the internet. So we'll give you a couple here. Would you rather go three straight summers without drinking or live a full year in Antarctica? Three straight summers or live a full year in antarctica i think i might enjoy living in antarctica yeah the cold the dark like there's that you know portion of the year where it's dark 24 hours a day like i was gonna say you're making good selling points right now yeah i like that but you know all right i feel like last time we spoke you weren't you're a tequila guy i feel like you

enjoy a cocktail right you said you were drinking during quarantine. Imagine, you know, a summer night. You want to have a cocktail during the sunset or at the beach? Nothing for three straight. It's no good. No, it's no good. I'd rather – look, I mean, if we're talking, you know, John Carpenter's The Thing, Antarctica experience,

obviously that's a big no. But if we're just talking about being kind of sequestered out there in some decent barracks with a couple bottles of vodka and a warm hat. A warm hat, yeah. Like a bunch of movies and some ketchup on all my shows and movies. And you're describing quarantine. We've lived in Antarctica for a year. That is true. It's been,

it's been all right. It's been all right. If you, if you could be the patron saint of something, what would it be? I'm not even entirely certain. I know what that means. Isn't that weird?

Yeah, no, it's not. I, we usually don't have to clarify. You know, like St. Valentine is the patron saint of love. Right, right, right, right, right. Ah, fuck.

I don't know. I feel like, you know what? I feel like, you know, it's Glenn Howerton, the patron saint of quarterly got to do something crazy. Every few months, you just got to do something a little fucking nuts. The patron saint of mental breakdown. Yeah. All right. I'm going to hit you with one more here. Shaving all your head off.

One more here. Maybe this is more of a question for Dennis, per se. It's dark. It's out there if in order for you to live you had to kill a child a blind child who is the voice of a generation would you kill the kid or would you sacrifice yourself oh jesus i mean wait why is the why is the kid blind and why is that i don't know because for some reason it matters that That was the question.

It does make it worse. He's blind. Yeah, you're even meaner. He's blind and he's got a voice like, you know, it moves you to tears. It's either you or him, pal. So, okay, so the choice is like either he dies or I die basically. Yep. And it's me and would anyone find out what I've done,

you get away, Scott, free, totally free, but it's on your conscience, but you're good. Nobody knows. So,

so it's on my conscience, but that's it, huh? Yeah. Uh, I think, I, I think I'd off myself.

Oh, I was hoping for something else. It was a big buildup. I'd strangle into death in my bare hands. All right, man. I love it. Thanks so much for the time. Arch Enemy is the movie.

It's out December 11th, right? Yep. So go check it out. Glenn and Joe chopping it up in this maybe supernatural alien sci-fi superhero. It's wild. It's a wild trip, man. So go check it out. And thanks so much for the time as always.

Thanks, Glenn. Thanks, man. Have a good one. That haircut moment is a great one. That reaction. I mean, what a moment when people can react to your look that way in a good way. Yeah. To get like a visceral reaction from people and they're like, yeah. Yeah, I almost went and cut my in a good way. Yeah. To get a, like a, what? Like a visceral reaction from people.

And they're like, yeah, yeah. I almost went and cut my haircut. I know. Just like, just because I'm trying to be like people in Hollywood. All right.

Time for Joe Manganiello. Talk about a guy we'd want to be like, I want to look like Joe. I want to marry a girl like Joe. I want to play the cool games that Joe plays. I want to be versatile like Joe. I want to be able to act like Joe. All of it.

I mean, Joe is all that is man. Yeah. Joe Manganiello. Let's talk to him. What's up? What's up? What's yo,

you, you look menacing with the shaved head. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's some scary shit, man. With the skull in the background and shit.

You're you, you are, you know, there's like nice guy, Joe. And then there's like, Oh, don't skull in the background and shit. You are, you know, there's like nice guy Joe, and then there's like, oh, don't fuck with Joe, Joe. And then there's Chihuahua on the lap sleeping Joe. Yeah.

Then there's, you know, take the Instagram pictures for your wife, Joe. You wear many hats, you know? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a Chihuahua sleeping very heavily on my arm right now. But if people only – if they just saw this. Right, right. Pan down and they'd be like, aw, sweetheart.

See? I'm telling you. That's the formula. Yeah. We were just watching some of the trailer of the new movie, Arch Enemy, and it – I mean, it looks – it's wild. It's a wild ride. Homeless, superhero, drug kingpin getting mixed up with the whole nine.

It's a very cool storyline. Yes, yes, very much. I had a meth coach for the film, actually. So I do my character. He does some methamphetamines. Okay. And so I had a meth. I thought you were like, I thought that was like acting lingo.

Like you were like method actor. Yeah. No, it's methamphetamine. No, you meant meth meth. Yeah. People are like,

people are like, what did you do for your workout routine for this? And I'm like, meth crystal did that crystal man. So what did he, uh, what did he teach you? What does a meth head teach you about meth?

Well, I mean, there was a lot of like, you know, coaching and, you know, we took a look at the script and how much meth am I doing? And then that informed like the scenes afterwards cause I'm doing meth, but then it's like, I'm driving around in the car, like trying to come down, you know? So then that, you know, it just influences the rest of the film. I, all of a sudden I start mapping out, well, okay. So he's just been up for like three days at this point, you know, like you're, Oh, okay, well I'll play it like that.

And then I also, he came to set and I had a behind the monitor during like one, like kind of the most notorious meth scene in the movie. And he was behind the monitor and I kind of, you know, perform the scene and then look over and he you know or come over to me and be like we'd huddle up and he's like okay and and is this guy uh in the business or is he you know like does the does the production company bring him to set is this someone you found how do you find this this connection he's a comedian uh he uh he's a friend of mine uh his friend of mine this great comedian named greg baldwin and uh he's been sober a long time yeah um but he's

still you know he knows he put in his 10 000 hours listen i'm an expert still you know it's like jordan jordan doesn't play, but he knows basketball, you know. That's it. Once. Yeah, it's the sweet science, baby. Not not to say that you've ever, you know, dabbled in methamphetamine. But do you like to party, Joe? Do you have a phase where you were partying?

You like to party? You want to get nuts? You kids want some ice cream i mean i've always uh i've always thought that what are you doing after this interview joe what are you doing the jump to meth or you know some of the hard stuff is i just don't get how it happens sometimes i mean it's like you, it's like some drugs make sense. And then there's like, well, there's you got to cook this up and it might blow up in the production process. But, yeah, I'll also do it.

I get it. Yeah, you get it. I think the only reason that the only reason I've never done meth is no one offered it. That's the only thing preventing me from trying meth is that I'd be scared. If someone put meth down right on the table right now, I'd be too scared to do it. I mean, I'd be scared, but again, like... You only live once. If I had a few beers and someone was like,

do you want to do meth? I'd have it. I'd be like, all right, fine. Let's give it a try. You get it. You totally get it. No, you know, the thing about the film, and I'm not giving too much away here,

but, you know, the character believes that he was from a different dimension. Right. So he's kind of like this schizophrenic, homeless meth addict. And you don't know what he believes or doesn't or what's the story. And he believes that in methamphetamine, there is a trace element of the source of his powers in this other dimension which yeah makes total sense as far as uh as far as you know coping mechanisms and lying to yourself that's a great one i gotta i gotta drink this or smoke this or do this because it might make me a superhero yeah it technically does i don't even think it's like yeah i don't even think it's like, yeah, I don't even think it's up to question.

Yeah. You have a few more beers. I think everyone on meth thinks that. Well, but everything. If your superpower is cleaning your house for 18 hours straight. Then you're the greatest ever doing. But I mean, you know, if I have a few beers, all of a sudden, you're a little looser, you're dancing, you're better at sex,

you can fight you can i mean you kind of become a superhero uh yeah you do meth and you become superman uh from i mean but i mean really what it is is it's just this crazy sweaty guy in his superman underoos dancing around in a hotel room by himself so So there is no supernatural superhero element. It's just a crazy homeless man. Well, that's, you're not, you know, there's also hallucinations or are they memories? Like there's the storytelling is such where you're not sure what's up and what's down.

And the character really isn't sure what's a memory. What isn't, is this some sort of hallucination? Like, is he, I mean, cause you get to the point where no matter who you were, like, you know, whether it's the drugs or whether you're actually from a different dimension, at some point, you're not going to believe. You're not going to understand what was the past and what wasn't and what you've cooked up or what you haven't. And that's the journey of the character and of the viewer watching that. that they're casting this movie and they're like, we need to pick a person who's just so ridiculous that he might be human or he might be a superhero and they go with you.

Like we need the guy who looks the part, can beat, like it can be believable that he can beat everybody up and that he's bigger than everyone and shredded. We'll go with Joe. Well, there's also the side of that conversation that you didn't mention, which is he lives in a tent under a bridge. He looks like he's homeless.

And he's a complete drunk. So which is it? Again, you wear many hats. I think that makes it even more impressive you're pretty cool then yeah you're the only intersection of that venn diagram yeah like some fit all of that i mean okay yeah i mean that's do you believe in you know because we've talked in the past when we've done interviews we've done the dungeon dragons talk and we've done uh you know i guess that stuff is more far-fetched but like

the supernatural do you believe in that i mean do i believe in the supernatural like what are you talking about like bigfoot Loch Ness Monster are we talking about like yeah there's kind of there's different levels to it i think man i man, I mean, okay, so we're getting deep now. Oh, yeah. You know, I think there is such a thing as synchronicity. I think certain people are more sensitive to things than others. Okay. Do I think you're dead in your mulch? And, and, but maybe there, I, I think that,

you know, it's been shown by data that like when whole cities meditate, the crime levels go down. Like, I think there are things that we can't explain. Right. I do believe in those types of things. I think there's an energy, like the force that flows through things,

and then you can tap into it or be in the right place at the right time. Coincidences can happen that are so crazy that there's no possible way that could have been random. I do believe in all of those things. But Bigfoot and Loch Ness, no. No, not so much. Not anymore. Not anymore. I wish. I wish. believe in all of those things but bigfoot and lock nest no no not so much not anymore not anymore i wish i wish i think when i was a kid i really wanted to yeah i was just i was gonna say like

what changed your mind this adult maturity i i developed a brain i got hair on my balls what about uh aliens where you fall on that i so i spoke to i knew this guy who used to book autograph signings for astronauts and everyone else who had ever been in history and he's we've spoken to all of those people and asked every single one of them do you think that there's life out there and they all say yes we believe that in the infinity of space, there has to be life somewhere, but all, none of them believe that they've been to earth.

So take that. I'm sorry to pop the bubble for all the conspiracy theorists, but everyone has been to space, believes that nobody's been here. Well, what's the, I forget what, what a philosopher or whatever has like the quote where it's like,

either we're alone in the world or we're not. Both answers are the quote where it's like, either we're alone in the world or we're not. Both answers are equally terrifying. I was like, that's a pretty good point. Yeah, that is a great point. What's worse, that we're just this one spec, nothing else out there? It starts to break my brain a little bit. The other one is really interesting.

If there's no one out there but us, that's fascinating. Why? Why would that be? My argument is always it's much more logical that in an ever-expanding universe there has to be something else but if not it's like well what the fuck why not well then then we're the ones who like we that really puts the onus on us like we need to go down to hawthorne and start talking to elon musk like it's our duty we gotta go yeah or not though we're not it's our duty. We got to go. We got to. Yeah. Or not though. We're not. It's like,

like if you're just in a giant parking lot and you were told there's nothing on the other side of it, like why even go then, you know? Like if we could, I think this is a philosophical question. Yeah. If we could confirm somehow there is absolutely no other life,

would you just shut down space travel? And I guess you could still find resources and elements or something but like what's really the big search then what are you gonna find dude i'm just still stuck on like popeyes or chick-fil-a that's an interesting question oh yeah so we can like we can probably talk more about that let's let's get into the real shit here i had a popeyes for the first time fairly recently let's call it three to six months ago. And I don't think we made a big enough deal about it. It was sold out.

There were lines around the corner. It was a humongous deal. It was the only thing the internet talked about. And I still was like, this is underrated. It's very, very good. Where do you fall? Chick-fil-A or Popeye's? Man, I love Chick-fil-A, man. I love Polynesian sauce. But every time I have Popeye's, I'm likeotle, man. I love Polynesian sauce.

But every time I have Popeye's, I'm like, God damn, this is so good. It's got that bite to it. You know, it's really crispy. Special herbs and spices, man. But there is a big difference. I think it's almost cheating to not have the spice come from the chicken. All the sauce is in the sauce. Yeah.

But also, I don't know if you got the sauce. I don't care. As long as it's in my mouth and my belly. You know, like, yeah. Okay. If you wanted to compare the chicken, that's one thing. We're comparing the sandwiches. Yeah.

I mean, you're right. But I think there's something to be said about making the patty itself spicy. The chicken. Yeah. How about this? Jeff, the guy we work with, we had this argument after hours a couple weeks ago after five nine points he was like you can't compare the two they're too different it's like they're too spicy they're like the most comparable things that have ever come out of fast food it's like you got like you listen don't give me that like give me a fucking answer yeah

no cop out uh pats for geno's yeah screw around right you know i actually respect that being like well they're too different i couldn't possibly he made it sound so like we were idiots and he was like a higher level like a high palate and like i honestly i believe it sitting here right now i'm like he's too good at fast food maybe no that's like some chicken politician shit. I ain't got time. Right. Do you, you sound like you know your way around a fast food sandwich, but also, you know, your physique is such that I would imagine you got to watch what you eat.

Are you a cheat day guy? Are you a big diet guy? What does Joe eat? Well, look, man, I mean, here's the thing.

I'm also an actor. So, you know, I'm not like, you know, you've been doing the twirl on the mustache the whole time. I love it. You're getting into it, right?

Yeah, yeah. You got to get the wax out and everything. Yeah, well, there's that. Then there's also this, which is like – Pulling the beard, yeah. Get it. Like I get like the philosophers or – Like I understand what that's all about.

If you say something even remotely profound while you go like this it it makes it 10 times more smart you know like if i still played competitive hoops i would totally be the dude who was like at the free throw line like you know get the ball one two three dribble dribble and then go like there would be this would be a component or it'd be like this this thisbble and then go like there would be this would be a component or it'd be like this this this this and then go but you were saying so you're an actor so yeah man so you know it's like the you know what did i do to train for arch enemy like you know meth like nothing you know, meth. Like, nothing. You know what I mean? That's the thing. The training is like all of the character study.

So, you know what I mean? It's not, that's not what this role is about. You know, if you're playing Big Dick Richie in Magic Mike 2, yeah, that's what, training is training, you know? So, there's no, there's no, you know, there was no, we were in Savannah. There's no Paula Deadin fried chicken and pot pies like that's not happening right you know you're not going and eating in all those amazing southern restaurants you know it's me and kevin nash at ruth's chris and they're like sir can i take your order i'm like yeah i'll have the uh porterhouse for two with the baked potato you know or the broccoli and then she walks away kevin's like no no no no that's for him

i'm gonna have a quarter house for you know so but i mean i'm also somebody that like my metabolism's so crazy that my body wants to like lean up so i have to eat everything in sight you know i was one of the guys in in high school that like you know when you're playing sports you're playing football you're trying to put the weight on you know i'm eating a pint of ice cream at night you know in addition to you know weight gainer powders and all that kind of stuff so i'm the kind that has to like i've got to keep feeding them i gotta keep eating or else i will just lean out which actually is good for something like our turn to be right. Yeah.

I can leave out and look like a guy who's not Superman anymore. He's not supernatural. He's a, he's a dude. So yeah, man, you're what's your death row meal, dead man,

walk in last meal before you hit the chair. What are you eating? Man. I mean, you know, I would have to say the Permmani brother sandwich in pittsburgh i'd have i'd have i'd probably try to break my record which is three and a half so i'd be like give me four i'm gonna go cheese steak genoa salami probably two cheese steaks two genoa

salamis then i want the uh i want the the red devil hot sauce i want that bottle and um and like a coke yeah bro maybe a pre-made three and a half of those sandwiches when i was in training man i was like it was sabotage i went up to like 250 and went bergen was was like, let's see. You know, I was powerlifting, MMA fighting, and like, so I was just crazy. You know, and I went and put down three and a half. Dude, that's, I think, I can eat. I'm an eater. I think I couldn't finish one.

I mean, those are heavy duty sandwiches. I've only been once. I don't think I finished one. Three and a half. Bro. You're a savage, dude. So obscene. I got to tell you something, though.

Like, so I, you know, I've told this story before, but, like, you know, I took Sophia back to Primanti's because they had just painted my face on the wall. So I took her. You know, I'm like, we got to go. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? For a guy, this is like a Pittsburgh Oscar. Like, we got to go. guy this is like a pinnacle this is like a pittsburgh oscar like we gotta go i said but

i'm gonna warn you you have to eat the sandwich you can't take a bite and then put it down like you can't do it because hillary clinton had just been through like the year before on her campaign trail and went to go take the you know the pose Like, hey, and then she didn't, she just went and then put it down and didn't need it. And it was. Please do that. And, you know, even when like, you know, Pennsylvania turned red for the first time in a while, you know, a lot of the talk at Pittsburgh was, well, it's because Hillary didn't need to say anything.

And you know what? They might be right. I told Sophia, I said, you have to eat the sandwich. You order the sandwich. You've got to eat the sandwich. Like, this is my reputation. This is your reputation. This is, like, a big deal.

And is she the type, like, can she eat? Would she like something like that? Or is she going to have to choke down, you know? Is that not her jam? Oh, yeah. She can eat, but if she doesn't like something, she would she like something like that or is she gonna have to choke down you know is that not her jam oh yeah she can eat but if she doesn't like something she doesn't like i would imagine yeah i can see that okay like you're committed and so we went in and and uh and she ordered she ordered the turkey which i was like wait they have a turkey? They put turkey on a turkey? I was like, I mean, it was to me. You know, so she gets the turkey, does the hot, you know,

takes a bite, looks at it, and then boom, again, again, again, again, and just wolfed the thing down. And I was like, yes! That's my woman! I love you. That was fantastic. Yeah, honestly, those are the moments that are like, yep, yes! My woman! I love you. That was fantastic. Yeah, honestly, those are the moments that are like, yep, that's my woman.

I chose right. That was the best decision of my life, you know? More so than she comes out looking beautiful or anything else. She wolfs down a sandwich like that. It's like, that's my girl. That is actually very accurate. Right? You can be attracted to someone all the time, but when you see someone do something like that, you're like, I love you can be attracted to someone all the time but

when you see someone do something like that you're like i love that's my heart that's well that's my that's my girl it's it's you know it's it's indiana jones and he's you know in the village and they're handing willie scott this bowl full of mush and he's like you were insulting me and you're insulting them yep eat the eyeball soup eat the snakes eat the bowl of mush like you're insulting them, eat the eyeball soup. Eat the snakes. Eat the bowl of mush. It's one of those where it's like a cultural thing where you're like, okay, we're good. We're good.

All right. All right. All right. You hold your breath for a second there, right? All right. We're going to run through some hypothetical questions before you. We got the answer to the internet here.

So we're going to break them out. These are some of the deepest, darkest questions from all corners of the internet. We just talked about meth for about 10 minutes. I'm excited to see where we go from here. Let's see. All right. Well, keeping in the food theme here, if both your arms were gone and you could have two kitchen utensils as arms, what would they be?

Oh, God. You know, like the roast beef cutter that's electric? Yeah. It's like cerate. It's like, yep. Yep. Okay. I have,

I'd have one of those and, uh, and the other arm kitchen utensil, um, you know, it'd be kind of dope is to have like, have like the, you know,

the Ninja blender. You know what I mean? So I could just like come up to people and be like you know i could punch them and it would just be like like through up their face like you know you just want to murder i was gonna say you want to eradicate faces i was sitting here thinking like i'd be a big fucking knife i thought well what if i want to have some soup i I want a spoon. It's like, I want to rip your face apart with a Ninja blender. It's like, well, I'm doing the same Ramey. I'm clearly in the same Ramey version.

Yeah. If you could play one video game for the rest of your life, what would it be? One game and one game only. Oh, man. Um, if they did, like, the new, like, if they redid, like, PlayStation 5, like, super expansive online Grand Theft Auto Vice City. I feel like everyone's answer is GTA. Dude, it's just so, it's so fun.

Yeah, GTA, but I love the Vice City. So if they modernized the Vice City and gave it the, like, Grand Theft Auto V treatment, probably that or, like, Red Dead. I think Red Dead. Dude, Red Dead? Okay, so I've never been much of a video game person. The only game I ever really, really loved was Grand Theft Auto Vice City. We're like, as a kid, I never did much Sonic and Mario.

I had the systems, but it wasn't a huge thing. And then the period when Grand Theft Auto was out on PS2, I think it was, that was I was severely addicted to video games. But then I kind of fell off it, and I recently bought an Xbox, and I forget why. It was just like

Tim Riggins was in a commercial, I think. Taylor Kitsch. I was like, sold. But I got Red Dead Redemption. That game is impossible. I'm just so bad at video games now, I guess. Oh, it passes you by. If you don't use it, you lose it, man. I couldn't get past.

I think one of the opening missions is like, open this door. And I just couldn't do it. I forget exactly what it is, but it's snowing and someone's in the bathroom. I forget what it is. But that you're at a it's snowing and you're like there's someone's in the bathroom i forget what it is but like that's like one of the opening missions and i played that for like six hours and just couldn't beat it i grabbed i grabbed nintendo switch and i i mean i used i loved zelda zelda on on uh nintendo 64 was like the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and i'm trying to play the new one on the switch and i was like i fucking suck at this game man i suck at it now

what happened to us yeah i mean it's almost it honestly is almost like sports where it's like you get out of shape you can also get out of video game shape where you just like suck at these things you know but you can't pop you can't pop an achilles that is true i'm not gonna have to get surgery from trying to get back in the video game world um if every time you finished sex a song played what song would you want oh my god um you know it's okay i'm just going with the first thing that popped in my mind which is bizarre but do you remember okay so here it is i don't know we're gonna dissect this one. But you remember in Billy Madison? I love where this is going already. No matter what you say next, it's going to be ridiculous.

Go ahead. When he's on the stairway and Culture Club comes on, it's like. Yes. Wow. That's a great answer. That was like when I was a kid, I saw that scene. That was like the happiest I've ever been. That's a great answer that like i that was like like when i was a kid i saw that scene that was like the happiest i've ever been that's a perfect answer for how like it's a picture like all of a sudden it's like the way a musical would happen like you're just laying on the pillow

arms behind you and then all of a sudden your eyes open i'll tumble for you. I'll tumble for you. I'm pulling it up right here, right now. I mean, it is. It's the happiest like anybody's ever been. It's so good. Hang on. It's coming here. Oh, the five-minute scene. Come on, YouTube. You're killing me.

There's just something so happy about the way he's like, if that's how you really are after sex, Joe, that must have been a good session. You know what I mean? There it is. I love it. How good is that? Alright, we'll do one more question here.

Where did it go? I feel like you're a movie guy. Who is your all-time favorite movie villain? I mean, it has to be Darth Vader. Yeah, I mean, he's on the car. That's the illustration there. It has to be. It's the greatest.

That's like the greatest. When villains were scary and movies weren't afraid to scare you with, you know, like the first time. The first time I heard that stat that he's only on the screen for like seven minutes or something like that in the, in the first movie, it's like, Oh really? Yeah.

It's like a staggeringly low amount for, you know, how important he is, but it's like every, he made every single second last. Yeah. That's a good answer. And rest in peace.

David Prowse, who just passed away this week. He was inside of the suit and doesn't get enough credit. He doesn't. Because I think he gets overwhelmed by James Earl Jones voicing the character. But him inside the suit, I can't tell you how many times I've watched Empire, and I've just put it on mute just to watch how he moves and his hands and the way that the mask moves.

And he was brilliant. And they tried to copy it in other movies. Vader's shown up and it has not been the same as the person in some suit isn't as good of a movement actor as David Prowse was. Well, nobody better than you, babe. We appreciate the time as always. Arch enemy is the movie at December 11th and it seems like a wild ride, man. So as always good on you. We appreciate the time as always. Arch Enemy is the movie. It's December 11th, and it seems like a wild ride, man. So, as always,

good on you, and thanks for the time. Thanks, man. Go do some math. There he is! I love it. Thanks, Joe. Have a good one. We'll see you guys later. I've got some missions

that nobody Can see And all of these emotions Are pouring out of me I bring them To the life in you It's only like This is the soundtrack To my life

The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life To my life, to my life, to my life Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh Getting a little, yeah, yeah