KFC Radio - Hammerin Horseshoes and "Drunk" Tom Brady

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Feits kicks off the show addressing the fog he feels like he's been in lately and how he recently got kicked back into a good mood -We recap our first try at the new social media app Clubhouse and what a fiasco that was -PFT Commenter may end up fighting Darren Rovell at RnR in a I Quit (Twitter) Match. How much would it take for you to quit twitter? -Would you rather get caught robbing Randy Johnson throwing baseballs or Barry Bonds with a bat? -Was Tom Brady drunk getting off a boat during the Tampa Superbowl Celebration? We call a close source to find out. -AITA Thursday -Voicemails Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JasonBiggs Subscribe to the KFC Radio Youtube Channel for the full podcast: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to the KFC Radio Clips Youtube Channel for the best clips: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCspldj_2KhBix7eVxe2H8xgYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Drunk Tom Brady? No way! Yeah! No way! Tommy, baby! Fuck yeah! No way. Yeah! No way. Tommy, baby! Fuck yeah!

No way. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Your boy, Feidelberg, is not even considering sitting in a chair right now. Ready to fucking rock. I'm going to have to take my sweatshirt off at some point. I can't believe you haven't already. You must be sweating. I want to get ahead of that.

I only have a tank top on today because I have to go to the gym. Take it off. Take it off. I got to go do the loop challenge after this, and I just came right here just for this. Johnny's going to be rocking the tank top. You got to go to the KC Radio YouTube right now. If you're listening, stop and go to the YouTube to watch the video so you can see Johnny's going to be wearing a tank top soon enough. Because before we even started, your boy recorded a fucking music video, a Miley Cyrus music video.

He was standing up on the chair just fucking rocking. Honestly, there were a couple points where I was like, ooh, I hit the beat there. I assure you, you didn't. I'm happy you felt that way, but I promise you. It's like a found penny when a white person hits it. It would be like, got one!

Drop in the fucking ocean. Yeah, I mean, it was a full-blown you know this this room at times can be uh i mean last week last episode was dark last episode we recorded in a fucking morgue you know episode i think i tried to commit suicide like five times john last episode i i described in detail about a three-minute video of a double homicide, and it was like the fifth darkest thing on the show. I said let life rape you, okay? I mean, last episode was pitch black dark, and so we needed to switch up the vibe.

We started out with a little Miley Cyrus singing, a little dancing, although it was funny because John was standing on our studio chair, and the way the camera looked, it cut off like his head. And then you couldn't see that he was standing on the chair. So long story short, it looked like he just hung himself. It was like, oh, well, it finally happened. Everything in balance, Kevin. Well, the yin and the yang is apropos because as John was, you know karaoke, basically, and filming this music video, he looked down and said,

You either get Tigger or Eeyore. There's nothing in between. I'm either Tigger or Eeyore at all times. And we got Tigger today. So the wonderful thing about Tiggers is you're the only one. I think we got Tigger for a little while. For a little while. We've had Eeyore for quite some time.

I didn't know we were in the midst of an Eeyore spell. I usually know. We were, I didn't think you were because I thought no guest January was fucking like hilarious. I thought we were firing on all cylinders. We've been heavy Eeyore for like a month, at least one to three months where it's been, it's been heavy.

That's a big difference. One to three. It's been one of those where it started slow. And then the last month has been, cause I was going to say, if it's been the last month, we've fucking danny devito like danny devito always sunny just like the news wouldn't work like it's been the i just thought uh the one month would make sense as you were trying not to drink and torturing yourself like a goddamn idiot no it's

bad but i think that was like uh okay we need to make a change thing and then it just got worse um but the uh you're out of it now though you know what i i didn't think it was like, okay, we need to make a change thing, and then it just got worse. You're out of it now, though. You know what? I didn't think there was anything wrong. I thought the episodes were great and everything was fine. But then, you know what it is? I thought you were firing on all cylinders. And what I've just learned from the Tigger experience here is that there's just another cylinder.

There's a whole other cylinder that we can add to fire on. It's my fucking tail. I bounce around on it. It was I'm trying to think how to explain this. I'm just going to do it this way. We'll do a quick little mental health minute. I hate doing this. I think it's become a Twitter meme kind of deal where everyone's

like, hey, mental health. I prefer to be just the sad clown that you can either laugh at because, like, I don't know. Don't take advice from me on, like, how to deal with mental health. I clearly haven't figured it out. Don't take advice on mental health, physics, how to apply a horseshoe. Like, none of those things. It's just

things I don't know about. So I like to sit here and be an example of, like, what it's like to be bad. But I will give just a quick little piece of advice. And it's not advice no one's ever heard. But it's just say something.

Like Monday, I told Kevin. Yeah, that changed everything. You just said it and got it off your chest. I was like, I'm sorry. I don't know what I said. I was like, I think I just asked you. I'm like, am I bad? Because I am bad.

And it was like a month of the hard month was like, I'm like, I think I just asked you, I'm like, am I bad? Cause I am bad. And it was like a month of the hard month was like me. Like, I just, I just didn't think I had it anymore. I was like, I suck at this. This I, and like people have said that to me forever, but I've never doubted it. And for like a month I was like, what? And you lost it? No, no, no. Just like, oh, you suck.

I hate you. Like that. Like, and like that, but no one, it's not even, no one ever said that to me that I'm sure they have, but I didn't see it in the last month yeah it was just me being like i can't do like i'm i just don't have it anymore and it was like i was just super super super fucking depressed and like i couldn't even look you in the eye like if you look back i don't know if you look back but like i was like looking at your forehead i was looking at your beard because i was like in my head i sucked and if i looked you in the eye the eyes

were telling me what i already knew and they were just like you fucking suck like i was like kevin's miserable doing this with me like he must hate this and you really are crazy it was yeah you know in uh in uh the patriot when uh whatever his name is there's a weekly patriot reference well i forget his name but when oh ben oh, Ben, Benjamin fucking Miller? Benjamin Martin. Benjamin Martin. Okay. And he comes in with his General Cornwallis' notebook, and he's like, I've just been inside the mind of a genius.

Everyone, you're about to be inside the mind of a psychopath. And it was, I was just like, I hated myself because I could see, like, inside of your head, and it was reflecting back to me. And I couldn't, obviously, but it was like, I was like, Kevin just as miserably can't wait to like end this fucking show. I'm dragging here. And I like, I mean, while I'm like January,

it was awesome. I thought that was like our funniest episodes. I thought I was like, so anxious. I was like, I was, I was last at Monday was the tipping point where I was like, I was trying to rip my own fingers off.

Cause I was like, I just want to get the fuck out of here. So I stopped ruining this. And it was, and i told you after the episode and you were like it was actually like you were so dismissive of it like what do you fucking talk like yeah there's not even a shred of truth to any of this where i was like sometimes if you say something and it's like oh yeah like that's going on but like i'll downplay it but this i was just like i don't know what you're talking about i gotta go i got shit to do

it was it was like that and i was like all right so maybe i ain't being crazy but then like even monday night i was like sitting on my couch like alone in the dark and i was like it might be time to call somebody not like a fucking it wasn't like a fucking that bad of a thing it wasn't a suicide i was like maybe it's time to call a therapist and we'll schedule an emergency appointment for tomorrow yeah and i was like i'll call her tomorrow morning and i woke up yesterday morning and just felt like a million fucking bucks yeah i i'd been taking medicine at night to help me sleep and i think that part of it where i was like i'd like every morning i'd wake up and it's just like battling through a fog forever yeah and i was

like it's always like i think i compared it to you like it's like being in the woods like in like a fucking Cuban fucking cartel movie where they're like just like slashing through with a machete yeah trying to get through that like just trying to find

like one second of peace to focus on a conversation or try and make a joke and I just couldn't fucking do it and then Tuesday morning I woke up and I felt like a million bucks

Tuesday afternoon Tuesday afternoon I felt like clubhouse Tuesday afternoon I felt like dogecoin and then to the fucking moon and before bed last night I was like I actually stayed up really late afternoon. Clubhouse. Dogecoin. To the fucking moon.

Before bed last night, I actually stayed up really late. Probably on account of the lack of sleep medicine I have now. But then also, I was scared. I was like, if I go to bed, what if it ends? And I woke up at 7 o'clock this morning like a kid on Christmas. I woke my girlfriend up.

I was like, hey, hey, hey, I'm happy again. Another 24. I get to do another 24 let's do it 7 a.m dude leave me alone and uh glad you're happy i'm not now because you woke me up at 7 a.m dick but uh yeah so that's it just fucking tell like and honestly it's not even like a therapist like i don't know i i am still not very good at therapy because I just treat it like a hooker I bought. And I'm like, well, no shit you're telling me. I'm fucking getting sex. I fucking pay you to. And so it's like just telling the person where you think you're disappointing.

I thought I was – I was like convinced. Kevin was like, I can't do the show with him anymore. He sucks so fucking bad. He's so wacky. But that's where it really is like you know uh you're fucking crazy but that's where it is like your brain will just play tricks on you or convince you of things that are just not fucking once you think it's happening like everything is just it's a uh uh confirmation bias where you're like yeah i can see his eyes right like he fucking knows it too absolutely i'm just like i'm an anchor here

now it's like when we talk about like uh we always reference that's that thing with jordan peele where I can see his eyes telling me he fucking knows it too. Absolutely. I'm an anchor here now. It's like when we talk about, we always reference that thing with Jordan Peele where all the people studying his films were convinced that there was symbolism because they're looking for those things. And he was like, no, no, that's true. It was made the bushes purple or whatever.

Yeah, man. I mean, there was zero truth to that. I actually feel bad that I probably was dismissive of it because I was just like, I don't know. This is not real. But then – The dismissiveness actually made it even easier. I was like, okay. Right.

If you laid it on thick and been like, you're doing great. I'd be like, jeez fucking line. I mean, I knew it. Right. That's probably what I would do if it was a problem and I didn't know what to say. But there was no problem. So I was just like, there's no problem. The clubhouse we did yesterday or Tuesday on ATI or the ATI we did in the clubhouse was,

that was some of the most fun I've had basically podcasting because that's what clubhouse is in a long time. That was fucking fun. And I think everybody like to a man and woman who was in there listening or participating said the same thing. Like, everybody, I walked by Bailey. He was like, whoo, that clubhouse was something. Clubhouse right now is, like, all venture capitalists and, like, Silicon Valley and people talking about, like, technology.

And then we came along and we were like, well, if, you know, I was having a threesome with Ryan Reynolds, like, whose dick would be where? Like, all this wild shit. But in that. That was the one i felt good yesterday morning and then that was what like really like made me be like oh because this is one of those things too right you just think like like maybe i just like i don't know this is just how i feel like you can you you get so lost in it that you forget how different you are yeah or at least different you feel right and it was like i think like 10 minutes into the the clubhouse

i'd made myself laugh 10 times yeah i haven't made myself genuinely laugh in at least a month and a half yeah there was like i said there wasn't i thought i thought everything was funny in in january but then in that clubhouse i was like oh you know he's having like he's having a day he's having like a good game if he will you know where and then you said you i don't even remember what the reference was but you said i think you you were talking about being Scrappy Doo in the corner jerking off or something? No, Scrappy Doo, I was eating a fucking raw steak

that's how I eat a pussy Alright So on the clubhouse I just got a fucking vulva We were talking about the different looks and appearances of vaginas we were talking about the different looks and appearances of vaginas

and John made a scrappy do reference that was really apropos someone actually sent us a gif of it exactly what I meant and then you brought that up afterwards you know in this job it used to be

more when you write a blog but now when you like say a line or a joke on a podcast uh you know when like you hit it and and when you're out of that fog and you're hitting it it's like if it feels different it's like oh yeah yeah and this is what it's supposed to be this is yeah this is how i this is actually me right right and it's probably, it's a million different things, but I'm sure it's like pandemic shit where like it is, I remember at the start of the pandemic, we were like this is easy, fuck it. And then you go on 300 days in a row.

We were locked in for two weeks. We were like, fuck it, just sit here. This is great. I can handle it. 300 days in a row, I'm sure everyone's kind of feeling it. So just fucking tell somebody. Tell the person that you think you're affecting how you feel. You were, I mean, it'll help. Like I say, it's going to be perfect, but it will help immensely. And if you need help otherwise beyond that, you need some supplements or medicines or whatever,

you got a company like Roman to get your back. Roman is a one-stop shop for men's health that can get you everything from prescription strength medicines down to items, little swipes or the vitamins or lotions, anything for your hygiene, for your health, your mental health, your physical health. We've been talking a lot about the Roman swipes to make you last longer once you put it in but you gotta be able to put it in and sometimes that can take a little more uh a little more you know uh something a little more official like and that's where they come through with their ed medicine better than a thumb they say the thumb is the thumb is what i had been using for a long

time me and all the way back to the cavemen we've been thumbing it in for a long time. Me and all the way back to the cavemen. We've been thumbing it in for a long time. And Roman's got the wheel now, baby. They invented the wheel. Man, the thumb is tried and true, but when you know, there's nothing worse

than when you get in. When you're like at like 75%. Yeah, Johnny Tank tops out. Subscribe on the YouTube. You get more look. This is way more comfortable. I love it. There's nothing worse than when you're at like 75%

and you get in. Oh, this guy's so big you can't even scratch his back. I'm sweating. You can't touch me because I'm too fucking moist. Definitely not, man. Fuck that. You know when you get it in, but then you're like you can't touch me because I'm too fucking moist. Definitely not, man. Fuck that. You know when you get it in but then you're like

you can't see it. No, but it's just sticky. Gross. I'm like a kid who just got back from fucking lunch. From lunch? Yeah, you went out to recess and came in and you just got like fucking fruit roll-ups. I thought you were talking about being so fat and you sweat when you eat.

Not too. When you get it in but then it's like you can't. If this comes out, there's no way. You know what I mean? I'm in there right now, but it's not going to last. But also it is the best when you get it in and it's like a phoenix just rising from the ashes. Rising from the vagina juice. It's like, guess who? You might be a little bit too much back.

Let's get you a little more depressed, okay? Let's get you a little more depressed, okay? Let's get you a little more Eeyore. You're too much Tigger. Vagina juice. Vagina juice is hardly the most disgusting thing. That's a medical term, Kevin. I don't know about that. I don't know if doctors are like, how's your vagina juice, lady?

Get a gynecologist on the horn. They'll tell you. They studied vagina juice their whole lives well disrespect their profession and their work the what roman's doing they've got the ed medicine and they're doing it for valentine's day because v-day is a big it's a big night it's a lot of pressure on valentine's day because you know it's stupid but you know you're supposed to have some sort of like special sex on valentine's day you know and it's like guess what it's gonna be the same you know i haven't had special sex as my parents conceived me just like what is special i've never had special sex well you know on valentine's day

like you know the girl might go get some lingerie. Maybe you're going to do some anal. Maybe you're going to play with some toys. You're going to do some things that, you know, you don't usually do. But then that's like, it's a dangerous game. It's a dangerous game. I saw, what was I seeing? I saw something.

Oh, do you know the Horrible Decisions girls? They're on Vice, maybe. It's kind of like a call her daddy type of thing uh these two girls are just talking about fucking and they put together a box um that had like lube and this and that all these things for like girls for their vagina juice and whatever you know one of them was a uh a butt plug and i saw like a girl commenting on the instagram being like i've used everything in the box except for the butt plug. I'm saving that for my wedding night. And the girl wrote back like, oh, I don't know about that.

Because it's like your wedding night is even obviously more important than Valentine's Day. If you put it's like the big day, you're going to do something wildly different and potentially, you know, catastrophic if you don't do it right. I don't think that's a good idea. Yeah. Like Tommy getting a spray tan for surviving bars. You know, it's like he was like, it's a big night. I'm going to change my skin color. That's always a dangerous game to play. It's a rest getting a spray tan for surviving bars. You know, it's like, he was like, it's a big night. I'm going to change my skin color. That's always a dangerous game to play.

It's a rest versus rust thing. And I've always been firmly on the team of rust. I'd rather just keep playing. Right. I don't want this to be. And just, you know, especially with sex is like, how, how funny is sex in the sense that sex and golf said this all the time, sex and golf are two things that the average guy, maybe girl, but I'll speak from the guy's point of view. Think for some reason they're going to be a professional level performer, you know, like a guy hops on the golf course and he shanks it into the woods.

And it's like, fuck, what do I mean? Why am I not like par? Why am I not shooting parts? Like, you know, like the best in the world struggle to be, you know, like one under. You're going to be like 10 over, of course, you know? You're going to be like 100 over. Right. I was speaking for like the whole, like 10, you know, like you're going to, it's going

to, you know, par four, you're putting up 12 because that's, you know, it's like nobody steps on a basketball court and is like, I'm going to go dunk. No one expects to throw the ball. Well, no, I disagree with that. Every time I've stepped on the basketball court, I've, I'm going to go dunk. No one expects to throw the ball. Well, no, I disagree with that. Every time I've stepped on the basketball court, I've been like, this might be the time. Is that not what everyone does? You don't run to the hoop right away and be like,

nope, still barely getting that. Well, I can't even, you know, I guess the last time I even did that was about 10 years ago. But, yeah, I mean, I guess I'll always see if I... But no, because I never... If I could once have done it, maybe I could capture it again, but I never did it. I just think maybe, like, maybe I got a good night of sleep

last night. Today's the day I got those bunnies. Today's the day. I dunked on once, like, my peak, I dunked on, like, it was, like, nine and, like, a half. Like, it was up there. And, uh, or, like, nine and change, maybe nine and a half. It was one of those ones you can crank, so it was kind of, like, uh,

but, um, as my therapist a half. It was one of those ones you could crank, so it was kind of like... But... That's what my therapist calls me. Sorry, brother. But that was my peak. And so I never could, so I never really think I'm going to recapture it. But you don't think you can throw a fucking football 60 yards. You don't expect to be able to do everything the pros can do. But golf, people expect to be really good. And sex is like... What, you think you're going to be able to do uh everything the pros can do but golf people expect to be like really good and sex is like you what you think you're gonna be able to fuck like

you see in porn absolutely not you're like a schlub you're fucking you can't you can't pick that girl up and like throw her against the wall you can't fuck for that long or as hard but you think that you're gonna for some reason you know but you can't with roman that's the difference so roman comes in and gives you the extra supplements, medicine, and confidence you need so that if you do want to make Valentine's day, a big night, make sure you got Roman to help you.

Cause if you try to, you know, you bite off more than you can chew, you write a check that your ass can't cash on Valentine's day. Well, now it goes from being a special night to like, you couldn't even give me the regular thing. So go to get Roman.com slash KFC and you can get those swipes to help you last longer in bed, whether it's a regular day of sex, whether it's Valentine's Day with a big night.

No matter what, you want to last as long as you can. So go to GetRoman.com slash KFC and get that first month of swipes for just five bucks. Okay. So, yeah, I think, you know, you get your mental right and things, everything else falls into place. I think, unfortunately for us, one of the things that stands in our way of the mental health is social media. Yeah. Particularly the bird, particularly Twitter. My mom taught me that the other day.

She thought she taught me. She's like, did you know that social media is something that hurts mental health? I've heard, Ma. Have you heard that cigarettes can cause cancer? It's the direct cause. I really, I've said this before and I truly believe it.

I think that we will look back one day scientists and and scholars will be like can you believe that they used to be on like twitter and shit for like 20 hours a day like of course that generation is fucked yeah the same way that like we used to smoke cigarettes and get cancer and like drink during pregnancy and all these things that are like holy shit i think there's two things I think we'll say. Can you believe that everybody used to just be able to drive cars? They were allowed to operate the vehicles. And can you believe that people spent their time talking to like hundreds,

if not thousands of people arguing about politics and even the harmless shit? Like when Twitter went full-blown political, it was terrible. Do you think we're at the dawn of a new day with that, you think? I think we're in a new day. A dawn of a new day, yes. I don't know how new, how different it will be. I think there's already been a shift. Yeah.

Trump being off of it, the election already having happened. Even that, as we record this an impeachment hearing is happening and even that it's on the trending thing but if you just look at your timeline I follow a few media people news media people and they're talking about it

but it's not something that's taking over my timeline I think between the COVID the vaccine is out mostly the Bucks parade the Bucks parade? taking over my time. I think between the COVID, the vaccine is out and it's kind of... Mostly the Bucks parade. The Bucks parade? Yeah.

The Buccaneers haven't... Oh, I was thinking of the fucking Milwaukee Bucks. That's fair. It's their name. Yeah. My brain wasn't too far off. I think the vaccine is here for COVID, so we just got to kind of wait and see.

The election happened. Trump's gone. There hasn't... Please, please haven't killed anybody recently. There hasn't been, like, a fucking terrible tragedy. You know what kind of got brushed under was those FBI agents getting killed, though. I don't. Exactly. I haven't heard of this.

Like, a week ago, like, five FBI agents got killed. And they did not get their, like, proper due. No. Shout out to those guys. R.I.P. And I believe I only saw, like, a headline at one point. killed and they did not get their like proper due no shout out to those guys r.i.p and i believe i only saw like a headline at one point um i think they were like rating somebody who like was like that did had like crimes against kids so like a real bad guy and it was like a shootout yeah

john wick pedophile it was kind of kills five fbi right and diddle's children right i was like that's what i mean this whole whole story was like, what the fuck? So, but aside from that... Someone killed five highly trained professionals dressed as fucking the guy from Blue's Clues? Is anybody pulling that up over there? No! No! Yeah, that guy got a bad rap!

That guy gets a bad rap! Blue's Clues guy is not a pedophile. He just cut his hair. He just dresses like one. So, like, it's a fair rap. Blue's Clues guy is not a pedophile. Right, right. He just cut his hair. He just dresses like one. Yeah, so it's a fair comment there. Actually, let me rephrase. Blue's Clues guy has not yet been found to be a pedophile. Because as we know, everybody who works with children, that's a single adult, particularly male, working with children, there's something going on. It's a single adult particularly male working with children there's something

going on he's you know he's gonna it's a problem appear out of the woods and want to have a catch with your son one day but but the story that we all forgot about that was that in january see i was real fogged up i don't even remember telling that story that was fucking hilarious maybe it was at your expense because i was like, John should have been raped as a kid. That's right. But it was funny. Yeah, that's my brand. So anyway, Twitter has been, I think, a little bit better. You know, I mean, even like a lot of QAnon people, I think, were like, fuck, we were wrong. Yeah. Like a good chunk of them probably retired from being QAnon.

That was funny. Like the day after the inauguration. That was the best. I'm just like, wait, what? The amount of people who realized quick, you know. It wasn't. There's still plenty who haven't. There's still plenty who are like grasping onto the face swap thing.

But there are plenty of people who were. Face swap thing is one of my favorite things ever. That might be the stupidest moment in like human history. That like people thought that was actually happening. It's. Because you know me. I can get into the conspiracy shit. It's second to the time i tried to put a horseshoe on bro that was i meant to like circle back to that i don't know where in the depths of your brain that that

became a reference and i but the thought i just had this thought in my head and it's a fictional one it better be a fictional one but i just had this vision of just one single solitary kfc radio listener who for some reason thought you would be knowledgeable about horseshoes who's like listening right now and he's like fuck you kidding me this kid doesn't even know i thought he was the horseshoe guy like if you found out you know you found out that like i wasn't really a mets, like, I wasn't really a Mets fan or something. And it was all a lie. There's some guy being like, I've been telling my friends John is a horseshoe expert. What the fuck, man? So disappointed.

So Twitter can, is better. But ultimately, the reason I say, like, sometimes even, like, you know, politics, Twitter is, like, the worst. But even, like, I'm arguing about, like, sports sometimes. and i feel like it's escalating you know what i mean like i'm like i was already about brady and people are just being like you know like you fucking cheated on your wife i'm just like god damn it i just want to talk about fucking sports you know um so it's and I would love to get off of it. Can't, though. But because of this PFT-Darren Revell argument, potential fight, I started to think about it. So PFT and Darren Revell are going back and forth,

Ruffin Rowdy's in the air, Jose Canseco just made a million dollars, and did Darren start this with that tweet? Or was there already some back and forth going? I think it was. I think PFT might have jokingly said on the podcast or something like that. I'm not going to. So Darren Revell tweeted, I'll fight PFT commenter at Ruffin Rowdy for $2 million. Which, you know, what's so scary.

I use the word scary about Ruffin Rowdy. Other people probably think it's awesome and an opportunity, but like Ruff and Rowdy makes things possible. You know, anything is possible! Where it's like, we are now a big enough company with enough resources and popularity that like

those two could fight and they would make enough money they would blow the Conseco out of the water. Oh yeah. Which already was big. It was an old washed up guy who people on the internet know, but really doesn't have much of an internet presence. I don't think. He had that one stretch 10 years ago when he was hot on Twitter. And versus Billy, who's in the mix with PMT, but he's not PFT.

So you got two of, honestly, I hate him. I love him. You got to call him one of the most popular people on the internet or known, recognizable. So $2 million is possible. But PFT came back over the top with a counteroffer with basically the internet version of an I quit match. He said, I win. You got to delete your Twitter. Now, Darren, I mean, almost I want to say in his defense, he can't do that.

That would be like, I mean, that'd be like for me, like giving, like you have to delete your podcast or something like that. It's just like, it's his lifeblood. The stipulation isn't you can't start another podcast. True. You have to get rid of your, what's it, two million followers, probably something like that? You have to get rid of your two million followers. I don't think Darren would get many of those back. I don't think so either.

You know, so I think he's like, there are some people grandfathered in. It takes a lot to like unfollow someone. I think, you know, if he were to do it now, like he got in early. He's smart. I mean, I hate that he became a weasel because there was a time where both you and I think agreed. Or I remember being like, I like Darren Rebell's Twitter account. Like, I think it's kind of interesting and quirky. I didn't like when he added anything personal about it.

But I liked his like weird little. Right. I've had to unfollow him because I just can't. Yeah agree i mean once i have my thing with him too you know i i don't like the guy um i i and i don't i don't even like internet dislike him when it's like oh you're annoying rebel like i genuinely do not like him as a person so then pft said you can get you can take the money if you win if i win all you gotta do is delete your account can you make that bigger again? so he then came back

and said I have no doubt I will beat you I mean that's like this is why I fucking hate him that's just not realistic PFT played like fucking professional rugby he's gonna kick your fucking ass you little dork run your shit now I will also say if there is any potential that's really happening Rugby, yeah. He's going to kick your fucking ass, you little dork. Run your shit.

Now, I will also say, if there is any potential that's really happening, that's the fight game and that's the promotion. If he's going into the Don King mode, you've got to say that. I have no doubt I'll beat you. But he said, not surprised to hear PFT has put out two ridiculous conditions on the fight, that I delete my Twitter if I lose, and that I renounce that I went to Northwestern. The fact that Darren would take that seriously

is just so funny. Oh, he's gotten more and more serious about it. Where Revelle's like, I don't even know what that means, but he's like, let me get you a dictionary. He's like, renounce my degree? What does that even mean? He's like, renounce your fucking degree. He's like, you can't be a Northwestern fan anymore. You no longer get to root for Western.

You don't get to claim Northwestern. And Ravel's like, I think PFT might have even dropped the Twitter account and then left it just at that. And Ravel refuses that, too. So that's how you know he's really like, he just wants the attention. But it does pose the question about deleting your twitter now i do i was doing the rundown with dan and we brought it up do you know what dan threw out as his like not even you know we didn't really get into it but he was like yeah i would probably delete it for what do you think

he said i don't know if it's gonna be or high. It seems like it's an extreme number. Dan doing it for like $10 wouldn't surprise me. Dan doing it for $50 million wouldn't surprise me. He said $20 million. Okay. And I was like, you better delete your fucking account. I was like, Dan, I don't know what kind of money you're bringing in these days. But for $20 million.

Yeah, $20 million, I'm fucking out. Absolutely. Obviously. I would do it. So here was my thought. I think I would do it for – so here is my thought. I think I would do it for a low number. Low – like there is business value in it for us. So it would probably –

$2 million is like – I think $2 million is too low for me. I don't think it is. So this was my logic. It is low from like the value I think. But I want to get off Twitter. Yeah, but I want to get off Twitter too. I want to stop working.

I want all this stuff. I want to learn how to fucking retire. Horseshoe to a horse. Apply horseshoes, obviously. But I think that would be enough incentive. So I want desperately to stop using Twitter and to focus all my effort on Instagram and TikTok and now Clubhouse because Twitter sucks. Twitter is useless.

Not useless, but in our world, there's some core value to the stoolies. Twitter is noticeably dying. Yes, that's what I mean. We are on a... It is noticeably going down. We put all of our eggs into a basket. We hopped on. We all jumped aboard the Titanicanic and it is sinking and it

sucks and the young people don't like it jackie can't like figure it out she's like this fucking sucks you know like this thing is useless now i i got it now but you hate it right what are you talking about you idiot and then i got tiktok what's that right like i can't i can't figure out a new app right and i i so if i could get off of it, force myself to like, all right, every time I was going to send a tweet, just like say somehow figure out a way to put that on Instagram or TikTok or whatever. And then I had $2 million in the bank. If I was talking about like just the value and not like my personal desire to get away from it, probably five million. I'd just say five. Five is a fair number.

Because again, I'll just start another one probably. That's actually a problem where I wouldn't end up being gone. I wouldn't achieve my goal. You'd come back on and try to grow. Once I fucking scratched a hole in my arm trying to find something to do with my fingers. Now, if I had like a couple million followers like dave like then you know that becomes a different story because then i

think even if the app is dying if you have the access to that many people uh then i think there's just like more value in it but um i'd love to get off it and then you know this all these things always kind of then pose then another question of like if you were a regular person do you think you would have social media and how much would you use it because i see you know some friends of mine and people i know and girls that i've dated and and family members and people that i've been around that like i'll watch them just fire off tweets into the abyss for like zero like zero retweet and i'm like what like? Would I do that? I don't know.

But I think that's almost like a professional athlete seeing someone play basketball in a park. You're like, you're not even good at this. Right, why are you doing it? You're not making any money. Why are you doing this? But that inherently has like, I went to the court and I shot some hoops and there's some fun in that.

Like subjecting yourself to the hellscape that is Twitter. Well, I think there is. Their version isn't. It's probably not a hellscape. Someone who just doesn't have like mentions and shit like that. Like if you just follow your friends, it's probably a pretty nice experience. I mean, I remember when I was on Facebook before I was a professional in it and I would just like throw out jokes on my status. Oh, yeah. The big joke status. Right. four i was a professional in it and i would just like throw out jokes on my status oh yeah it's a

big joke status right big joke status guy and then in high school big fake drunk status guy really like yeah not fake drunk i would be drunk i would just look drunker than i was where would you like misspell stuff misspell the words i don't even know if it was it was like like not even like it would be a regular thing it wouldn't be like like, I'm drunk, but it would be like a regular thing. And like, yeah, I'd add an extra R or something like that. And it wouldn't be intentional. I just wouldn't fix it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd be like, nah, never mind. It's fucking cool. It's like a scar on a Facebook status. Like, whoa, something nefarious has happened here. Yeah, I mean, I guess I probably would do it to some extent. I guess, you know, you're just kind of playing like stand-up comedian. You know, you're getting these tweets off where it feels like, you know, what's the deal with? And then fucking, it's like the meme where it's like my three followers, three followers who like every tweet.

It's all your followers. Yeah. All of your followers are just like, ah, classic. I'll give you a like. Love it, man. man i mean then you see these people they get their like i have i have one friend who uses instagram like he is logan paul yeah and like he is just constantly how many roughly how many followers i'll check right now and like like he like refers to himself in the third person oh no no but it's my favorite account to follow because it's like my best friend like unironically uh yeah, it's unironically.

And it's like, it is, I don't know. No, I don't know if it's unironically. Do I know this person? Yeah. Wow. He's putting on a show. But it is like, it's just. I mean, Logan Paul, does he refer to him as something in the third person?

Just look at that. Yeah, look at the first paragraph. And I knew. Like the first sentence. So, okay. So he's joking. Like knowing this guy. He's not joking.

He's putting on a show. Right, right. But it is like, I mean, that's what like vloggers do and stuff like that. And it is. This man, we need to succeed in this life and, like, write a screenplay or whatever about this man. There are certain people. Actually, I've referenced this friend before. It's the friend who got fired by his accountant.

Not from. He didn't have an accounting job. He had an accountant. And the accountant said, you are no longer my client. Never in history has an accountant fired somebody who clearly needs financial help. We need to take, like, we need to write a story of a movie one day, and the character needs to be, like,

an amalgam of, like, your biggest idiot friend, my biggest idiot friend, put together, like, make this Frankenstein, like, a couple traits of us, and just make it the funniest goddamn fucking movie in the world. I actually believe and i and

i think this is probably like narcissistic and or or there's like a small view of the world because i think everybody might have this but i think that like my crew of friends are exceptionally funny oh like extraordinary you know like like i think i am where i'm at today because i like had all these stories with them and would be able to draw on their tale. I think you'd be here anyway. If I didn't have a story, I'd have nothing. If you weren't a

storyteller. If it wasn't for the stories I had. Those are a lot of your stories. I'm a landscaper. At least you still work at Deloitte. I'm a fucking landscaper. Your stories are your stories. I don't have many. My stories are always like, I was there when my buddy did this.

Yeah, but it's all because of those friends or because. But that's why I think it works for me. I think when you're that person who's that crazy, you're not like. I was like the internet nerd who liked to blog and like to do this shit who was a who had those experiences because the crazy guy i don't know if the crazy guy can do the internet nerd part you know what i mean yeah so like i will take that and i will put it to the internet you're crime and luckily you're jay peterman right yes yes yes i always kind of said i was like the mitch martin of my crew from old school like i had a friend who was trying to tank

and i had like the slick talking, fast talking friend, like Vince Vaughn was. And, uh, you know, everybody had their role. And then Nick Mitch was like, he was the party guy. He was partying.

He was at the party, but he was the guy who was just like, you know, and he was like, Oh fuck. I fucked the boss's daughter. Like every now and then you have like, you do have a story,

but for the most part, like the straight man, you know? Uh, and that's like why I was able to be here today. Um, but I guess, you know, if I didn't have the following,

would I just be out there on Twitter? Like just being that Mitch Martin, I guess. I mean, I guess who's to say I wouldn't be, I would probably fall in line. Like whatever the normal people do is what I would do. Right. I just can't tell if like, I have some friends who were like not on social media or don't use it at all. And some who are, you know, pretending that they're like a blogger,

but I don't know where I would fall. I, I think I would fall i i i think i would fall i wouldn't have it i didn't have twitter until barcelona yeah like i didn't have a twitter account right and granted that was 10 years ago i had it for for sure not i never had like a personal twitter it was like i got to get these like blog links out so i always used it for work if you will but i never facebook was the only thing I ever just did for personal fun, if you will. Yeah.

This is so long ago that I would get mad when I didn't get tagged in pictures when girls took digital cameras out. Folks, that's a real thing. I'd be texting in the morning like, are you going to fucking tag me? Jack, do you have any idea what we're talking about in that regard? We used to go out...

Girls would be in clubs with hands up with a fucking thing around their wrists. Not a Nokia. Nikon. Just hanging around their wrists. Like, dancing to fucking Miley Cyrus. And they would take pictures and then upload them to Facebook the next day. And you had to, like, tag everybody so they would, like, be on my account. I imagine tagging still exists, right?

But it's just a digital thing. I haven't been on Facebook in forever. Facebook completely, like, skipped over my whole, whatever. But there's, like, I mean, it's just a digital camera. I haven't been on Facebook in forever. Facebook completely skipped over my whole... But there's like... I mean, it's not the same. Now girls have disposables. That kind of came back around as a retro hipster thing. Do you ever have a digital camera?

Yeah, I did. You did? I was actually huge. You were kind of into photography? No, but I thought I was. But that's what I mean. You took an interest in it. Would an average girl your age ever have

a digital camera or is it all just on your phone now like now yeah or like when you were in college or whatever

I just can't like why would you have a digital camera you'd have your fucking phone yeah you know yeah I think we've had a conversation

with the younger people but you might be the youngest yeah how old were you when you got a camera a phone oh I was like 5th grade

but I was like I had convinced my, I was, like, fifth grade. But I was, like, I had convinced my parents. I was, like, a junior in high school. I thought, I, like, had convinced them that everybody had one. And then. Like a liar? Yeah. Like, yeah. And then I got one, like, early.

Fifth grade, man. So, yeah. And did you, like, start with an iPhone? Or was it your first phone? Oh, my God, no. No, I said. Don't say that. It was probably, like, your first phone? Oh, my God, no. Don't say that. It was probably like your second phone.

What year was that? 20. Because the iPhone came out in like 2007, I want to, or 8? Before that. 6, 7, something like that? Yeah, it might have been 7, 8, something like that. You know what's so funny? I remember, because you know my brother's always on like, he always has the new app,

the new technology, the cutting edge, whatever. So he was like big into the iPhone. And I remember being like, I don you know, my brother's always on like that. He always has the new app, the new technology, the cutting edge, whatever. So he was like big into the iPhone. And I remember being like, I don't know, man. It's just like a phone. I don't get it. Yeah. I remember being furious. And I actually I'm back to this person, although I'm not anymore because I'm in a good mood.

I text now. That was the other thing in the battery. If you go back and scroll through our text, I'm sure I'm just saying two-word answers because I was like, I just want to get this conversation before Kevin actually yells at me. What the fuck? But the – Goddamn crazy. What I was going to say is that I remember seeing a Verizon texting commercial for the first time.

I vividly remember it. People were at a concert. They were calling. It's like, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. It's actually a pretty good example. And then it's like, where are you? And then they give

the directions, and it's like, texting is here. And I was like, why the fuck would I want to do that? Just call me. And it is now the belief I hold again. There was a stretch where it was like, I can't believe I ever disliked texting. Yeah, texting is... Texting changed the world for... I just can't get over fifth grade, man.

A fifth grade phone is wacky. I think I had anal sex before i had a fucking phone it's just a different goddamn world um but so final answer for you uh twitter do you have twitter oh uh yeah i think i think we settled on five five yeah but i would do it for two for with the mindset of like go on instagram instead you know like you come for two with the mindset of go on Instagram instead. You come to me with a $2 million check. Yeah. I mean, really, if you put a million dollars on the table,

I don't think I'm turning it down for almost anything. Yeah. Yeah, because, again, I would probably just invest my time in other apps. Other things. Yeah. Are more important. Yeah, I think better. Yeah.

It's crazy that we've guessed. Twitter and YouTube, man. We put all our eggs in the YouTube, in the Twitter basket, and we ignored YouTube for so long. That one was kind of forced on us. Yeah. I think we should be more mad about that. Show them how mad you are.

Go follow us on YouTube. Serious. This motherfucker says follow us. That's... Subscribe. You We subscribe. We gotta subscribe. Whatever. That's how not YouTube savvy we all are here.

Yeah. I don't know how to do it. I'm talking to you guys now. I'm talking to the Barstool audience. And I get it because I am this guy too. The way I use YouTube. I. I.

Get sent a link. And I click it. I open that. I watch that. Or. I go to YouTube. And I type click it. I open that. I watch that. Or I go to YouTube and I type in like Pennsylvania snow gun murder. And then I watch the video and then I X out the whole bottom half of YouTube. I don't even look at. And that's where it's like recommended for you.

And here are you, who you subscribe to and here's what's trending. And that's how people like really use that mega popular platform and i think most barstool fans are like me where it's just like i don't you know there are people who subscribe and have their channels and they log into youtube and that's their entertainment for the night you know like i'm gonna watch this vlog and then this live stream here and it's all set up and it's perfect and it's fucking amazing it's like this video content tv movie streaming platform that i think our audience just does not use it that way it's almost in a way like tiktok where it's just like it's just not our style however we have to be big on youtube it's like not an option not to be so i'm like how can i get when

we get 100,000 subscribers we'll do something crazy i don't know what it is we'll figure it out so just go subscribe and i'll fucking it's not a bad idea i don't know i don't know i was gonna make a suicide joke and then my brain went i don't want to hey it's progress i'll kill myself no i'm not going to that is progress but it is like i trying to i'm trying to think of like the way to get the an entire audience you know everything else we've ever asked you guys to do it is like I'm trying to think of the way to get an entire audience. Everything else we've ever asked you guys to do, it's like follow this account on Twitter. It's like 100,000 followers right away. Donate to this cause.

$100,000 right away. Do this. Watch that. All these things people do. Download our apps. Bet with the sportsbook. And then we ask, can you subscribe to YouTube? And it's like we got like 5,000 subscribers. And it's, I'm not,

it's not like I'm angry about it, I'm not knocking you guys, but it's like, it is just this thing that the audience, that our audience doesn't do. When every other, every comic, everybody we listen to, you alright? I think I just threw my shoulder out. I don't know what it is. Like, it's crazy. Getting old, brother.

It's crazy. I don't even know what I was doing It's crazy. Getting old, brother. It's crazy. I don't even know what I was doing. This is what? Subscribers. Okay. This is so infuriating, bro. And it's up, though. It is up.

It's up. Because it was embarrassing at one point. This is for the KFC Radio 1. I think for the Kevin Clancy show. For the KFC Radio 1, it's 75% of people that are watching are not subscribed at all. 24.7% of you are subscribed, and I thank you for that. 75.3% will watch the videos, complete the videos, enjoy the videos, and then you're just not subscribed. And again, I get it because I am so hypocritical when it comes to this.

I just do the same thing to other shows and other comics. It's like, that was a great video. I'm not going to subscribe. And I just need, we just need to flip that. I think the Kevin Clancy show one is like 95.5. It's so bad. Like 95% of people watching are not subscribed.

I'm just like, you guys are fucking killing me. Because that's the other thing too, is you don't, it's not like you have to have a YouTube username or a handle.'s just your gmail and it crushes me when i just see like other shows other people who are good but i know less popular than us have been in the game way shorter than us and have way more subscribers and it absolutely crushes my soul. It's 96.4 on the Catholic Clancy channel. I mean, that's just so embarrassing.

It's so embarrassing. Going down. It's so embarrassing. That means more people are watching, but they're still just not subscribing. So please, please subscribe. Please, I'm literally just begging you to subscribe if you watch the, or even if you don't watch them, please. It's the one thing, like we have the power of Barstool where we can always count on like,

oh, we'll blow that out of the water. We'll get, we'll blow past that dollar amount. We'll blow past that follower amount. We'll do, and then there's YouTube, the most popular platform on the planet that we have just been. I think that we should get you guys to do something at 100,000.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Have you seen the RU Garbage guys have their Patreon up? If you go to the RU Garbage Patreon and subscribe, if you're not, they have levels when we get to all these things. We'll do this, we'll do that. And I think the peak one they have right now, and they're all garbage behavior. So Uncle Foley and Aunt Kippy are going to go to one of those Poconos honeymoon suites

with the hot tub, and they're going to spend a night in one of those trash fucking hotel, motel experiences together. They also, the RU Garbage guys. I have an alarm set for this. When is it at? Nine o'clock tonight. Nine o'clock tonight, RU Garbage comes out with their card game. I talked to Foley, and I said, we've got to get you in to promote it.

They have their own version of Answer the Internet coming out, which is maybe even a better hook than Answer the Internet, if I'm being totally honest. Answer the Internet is an unbelievable hook, but bringing all of the garbage questions to a deck of cards is absolutely fucking spectacular. So tonight or tomorrow, I guess yesterday, right? By the time you listen to this.

Yes. So it's already on sale now if you guys are listening. Are you garbage? Card game is out. So, for example, the one question they have, anyone in your family ever own a Dodge Neon? Like, you're garbage. Garbage, yo. So, anyway, they have those have those like levels to do something

stupid so let us know how about this you guys can pick the dumb things that we have to do at these levels but then you have to get to the levels what if we make something that we've been talking about like what if we make like a teaser for one of the movies we've said we're gonna make or something like that that's a bit ambitious i think it's about a movie i don't know if i'm gonna make a movie but yeah we can we can promise some content we could promise you know i think people love to just see us get embarrassed and mortified in ways um but i would like to you know what are we at now almost 50 000 uh we're at 43 so 43. So let's pick a 50,000 and then 100,000. And then because I'll be honest, getting to 100,000 feels like I'd be happy with that.

But we're talking, I mean, our competitors and our contemporaries are in the millions. We are so fucking far behind. It just kills me thinking that KFC Radio was on YouTube in 2012. And if we had just stuck with that and been allowed to stick with that, we'd have 10 years of subscribers. And then particularly when we tried to do the vlog and we did answer the internet, we petitioned the powers that be. Like, let us do YouTube. And we're told no, which I understand because I'm sure at the time they were like, yo, these fucking internal players like pay the bills so you have to do it but then to turn around and be like why aren't your youtube numbers up it's like well come on that's not fucking fair that's not fucking fair that's like telling somebody like you know you got a hit for contact stop swinging for the fences and

then in two years being like your power numbers are way down come on the video podcast also will be out uh sooner than it is right now right right now it's been going out at eight we're going to be releasing at noon uh the day the podcast yeah that was a valid that was a valid point from people being like well i want to listen to it on when tuesdays and what days we come on tuesdays and thursdays when it drops but you're you know the audio's out way before the video so we're going to try to fix that uh and make sure it's out almost you know simultaneously you know and also just like every wed, we have our premium content that we put out. It's one thing I learned.

One thing I learned. Behind the blog. Behind the blog is out now with Kate. Yo, Kate, this interview was awesome. I feel like it's almost like people think I'm disingenuous because every time I do Behind the Blog, I say it's amazing. But the people who are at Barstool are all obviously some of the most unique personalities in the world to work at a place like this and Kate was just raw as fuck she was just talking

like you know she's like I fucking loved cocaine I was partying hard I was doing this I was doing that I was like a disappointment I needed to turn my life around so I went to the military and it was like low and then high and then like funny and dark like i mean you know i was talking about the divorce she went through and suicide and like i mean things that i was just like holy shit uh i got my barbara walters on right it's just like we're getting like confessions and admissions and and like all these crazy things. So that's out now. So, I mean, there is just a lot of good shit on our YouTube. And we are talking about doing some like original content as well.

So long story short, please subscribe. So we obviously got our voicemails coming up. It's M.I. The Asshole Thursday. No interview today. It's just me and Johnny, me and Tigger over here. But first, we got a hypothetical to pose to you. You got to be careful with Tigger.

It is a tough, yeah. I strive to one day have the confidence of the man who named a jigger. And like, the bartenders. Hey, pass me the jigger! What? The bartenders who yell it across. That's the fucking thing, like, they're shaped like an upside-down triangle.

A boring thingy, yeah. I'm not even trying. The hypothetical today is brought to you by Movement. Join the motherfucking Movement today. It's Valentine's Day, which means, Valentine's Day's coming up, which means guys are going to go get flowers and chocolate and jewelry and teddy bears and maybe some gifts. And what do guys get in return?

Nobody knows. What do you get a guy for Valentine's Day? Like I said, maybe you wear some lingerie. Maybe you promise some sex. That doesn't count. You want a fucking gift. Yeah. These things that are not tangible.

It's like, come on. I'm like a girl in the stereotypical girl who has like dropping heavy hints. I'm now three holidays deep on not having sunglasses and on having a wallet where every time I take something out, I go, ah, this fucking wallet. This will be the third holiday in a row. And guess what you're not going to get? I'm not getting sunglasses or a wallet. So, like, girls, ladies, Fidelberg's girl, listen.

I'm keeping this thing until it finally hits through. And you know what the thing about what's good? Get Fidelberg the movement sunglasses, because those are dope sunglasses. Yeah. They're really nice. I love the hide. The hide has been my one. I think the mine I had, the Weekender. Yeah, that's. I love the hide. The hide has been my one. I think the mine I had the weekender. Yeah, that's one of them too.

So they have the sunglasses. They also have the regular eyeglasses that have the ever scroll technology with the lenses so that your eyes don't get strained from staring at the screen too often. And of course the watches. That's where this all began. You get a nice watch for your man for Valentine's Day. You can get

the metal ones, the leather ones, colors, different colors, different materials, different sizes. They do have the female ones, so you can get your girl some Valentine's Day gifts from Movement as well. But Movement has the nice, slick, stylish

accessories to dress up the male look, whether it's the glasses, the sunglasses, or the watches. So join the movement today for Valentine's Day. Go to MVMT.com slash KFC and use the promo code VDAY20 at checkout for 20% off. That's MVMT.com slash KFC so we get credit, and then the code is VDAY20 to get 20% off with the free shipping and free returns.

Okay. Johnny, hypothetical. Hit me. Okay. So this was breaking news, I guess. It's a very old quote, I believe. But it is in the media today. Nope, it's actually not.

The tweet is from September 16th. It's just re- Reviral right now? Re-come up. Yeah. Randy Johnson once had a quote. The big unit. One of the best nicknames ever, by the way.

This is when he's on Seattle. So this is when he was like wild, man. Remember when John Kruk in the All-Star game? Randy Johnson used to be like, I don't know where the ball is going. You might take your head off. Do I remember? Yeah, Kevin. It was on 1992, the year in sports.

When he put the helmet on backwards and it was like you standing in the back of the box? Yeah. Yes. Amazing. Wait. Maybe. No, I'm pretty sure that was it. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure that's the one that was in 1992, the year in sports. Yeah. But Randy Johnson said, I don't own a gun, but I keep a bag of baseballs near our bed. If someone breaks in, they better be wearing a batting helmet because I'm going to throw at their fucking head. I added fucking just for effect. He was thinking it. Yeah, he was thinking it. Now, I was thinking.

That is one of the most impractical weapons of all time. Oh, I completely disagree. This is, I was like, would you rather break into a house in the middle of the night? And maybe you don't know whose home it is. Maybe you just don't know what weapons they keep bedside. But you break into Randy Johnson's house and Barry Bonds' house randy's got a ball bag of balls barry's got a bat who are you more worried about okay i i was gonna compare to him talking about the gun oh okay no no gun beats the baseball i'll admit that so rock paper scissors gun beats ball

i will say there's pros and cons to all this randy you know to hit me with a bat you got to be close enough to him in the back obviously randy johnson that could be a hallway away you know i'm in the kitchen i mean i'm in the living room rifling through his shit to steal it he's fucking throwing like down the stairs at me yes however there's you know he's got to you know, you see that coming in a way. You know what I mean? Like, it's like a, he's got to get the balls, get in front of you, wind up. But he's not taking a wind up. He's throwing quick throws, and they're still coming in at about 89, I mean, about mid-90s.

He's not, so he catches a home invader, he's not throwing them from the fucking stretch. No, yeah, but I'm, so, like, I'm trying to think of it, realistically like i'm in the i'm in the living room i'm trying to like get the tv off the wall and he's i hear him i'm like running down the stairs and then he like stops like in in the doorway and he's got his bucket of balls and he just starts what is he you know is it like like is it like or is it like you know he's got throw and then I'm moving and then I'm running. I don't know. I feel like I think Randy Johnson kills me one shot. One shot.

One shot. I don't know. I think, I think he, I'm not sitting here saying that I'm going to be like fucking dodgeball like evading Randy Johnson's, uh, you know, fastball. I'm just saying, I don't know if it's the most practical weapon. Have you ever seen like the players like in the, like playing catch with the kids in the outfield where they just sandlot the kids and they're like, just hold your glove right there.

Yeah. And then it's boom, I'll hit you there. But he would stay still. I'm moving. But they can just put it wherever they want. You're moving, but if I get one in the chest, shoulder, gut, once you're done,

because then you're on the floor and he's just pounding you. My head is just going to be mush. Did you watch The Leftovers? I didn't finish it, but I did watch it. Do you remember the scene when they tied that girl to the fucking tree and then hit her in the face with rocks? Yes, I did see that one.

That was one of the hardest scenes I've ever watched on TV. Those rocks just thumping off of her face. That would be me just getting peppered with Randy Johnson 100-mile-an-hour fastballs. Barry Bonds is very... What a Frankenstein that would be. Imagine that.

John Dowd, he's good with the bat. You remember John Dowd? I know the name. John Dowd was Barry Bonds in the video game. Yes, yes, yes. I believe he was a video game developer. It was like MLB The Show. I think John Dowd because he wasn't in the MLB.

That's one of the cockiest things. Jordan in NBA basketball games and Barry Bonds in MLB games. Bill Belichick in NFL games. Really? Yeah, you're just any coach. Interesting. But I was thinking about with a bat, like you just, and now Bonds is quick, so he'll probably catch me, in which case the bat is definitely worse.

But, like, you kind of only get one swing. Like, even if you're chasing me down a hallway, you can't really swing. You can go overhand. I don't know. Maybe never mind. It might be bad. I was going to say. It might be bad.

Very, you know, he wields that thing like it's just a fucking, like a, like a. Toothpick. A drumstick. Yeah. Pop, pop, pop. Like, the way we would have a mini bat. He has, like, a fucking, you know, 38-ouncer or whatever the fuck he uses where it's just pow, pow, pow.

Like, he's not even using it like he's swinging a bat. He's just using that as a weapon where he's just clocking you. Whereas I feel like there's a little bit more of a chance to evade a ball being thrown at you from some sort of distance. Tell that to that fucking bird. That bird is one of my favorite...

There you go, Nick. It's one of my favorite sports moments. I I mean this is God it fucking explodes it pops

Jackie you ever seen that clip? no watch this pop a bird a bird a bird Jackie I mean

how amazing like the chances of that literally I mean has it ever happened before or ever again? well that's what I was gonna say

I bet you like so much baseball Literally. I mean, has it ever happened before or ever again? Well, that's what I was going to say. I bet you, like, so much baseball has happened. I mean, the feathers. It looks like, you know what it looks like? In movies, when girls have pillow fights, and they're just literally a pillowcase filled with feathers, and they just explode everywhere. I mean, it absolutely pops. You guys are such guys.

You're like, oh, that's so cool. It is cool. That's cool. It's one of the coolest things that's ever happened in sports. No, no, no. No guys are such guys. You're like, oh, that's so cool. It is cool. That's cool. It's one of the coolest things that's ever happened in sports. No, no, no. No, no, no. Ever. Ever.

It's not just sports. It's not only one of the coolest, one of the most entertaining. It's the most, it might be, I'm going to go ahead and say it, the most improbable thing that has ever happened. Who has ever seen a bird fly that low? In the world, there's a baseball game happening with that man on the mound and a bird at the exact time swoops in and like his height 6 10 the way he throws it like the amount of things that went into that happening i can't

imagine can you try to see if this ever happened before or after Nick I can't imagine it has and I can't imagine it ever will I don't think so and if it ever does so like when it first happened

people I'm sure it took a little a few seconds to put it together and they were probably like wow oh my god if you're at a game right now

and the Randy Johnson happens I would go insane be like Keegan we just witnessed something forget about Haley's Comet forget about these things I mean that happens once every trillion years and it happened

twice 74 74 76 something like that it's just I know that because of Mark Twain Mark Twain was born the day Haley's Comet died the day after it passed and he predicted it years before he's like I was dropped off here by Haley's Comet died the day after it passed. It's incredible.

And he predicted it years before. I was dropped off here by Haley's Comet. If I'm not picked up, I will be very disappointed. That's awesome. I guess we should probably look into how he died, though. If he committed suicide. Gotta get on that comet and go. Shout out to the big unit. You know what? The big unit

was such a fucking pussy on the Yankees that it just... I forgot he was a running Yankee. Exactly. The media owned him. He wasn't very good. He's the guy I point to when I'm like, people don't hack it in New York. And they're like, that's bullshit.

If you're a gamer and you can do it. He was old. He was old. He still had that fire. When they signed him, I remember. Was he? He's definitely old because he was in like, old. He was old, but he... He still had that fire. But, no, when they signed him, I remember, like... Was he? Yeah, he's definitely old, because he was in the game for a long time. But it was not like he was, like, washed up.

I mean, he was definitely, like, on the decline. Were they signing him? Did they sign him as an ace? Like, thinking they found an ace? Or was it just, like, he's a guy with a bullshit rotation? I think they were stacked so much so, like, at the time that, like... I don't know who their ace was. But I remember being like, oh, fuck.

Randy Johnson's in the Yankees now. And then I was like, oh, I'm not even worried about it. People have come close to hitting birds. 2007. One got skimmed in this video, but no one has blown up a fucking bird. That's actually crazy that like it hit but it was okay this one like just gets by yeah it's a lot of like close calls it looks like you can't actually see like yeah so that's what i mean though it's like so you know

there's a lot of birds and a lot of pitches being thrown he only played one year there so 2008 yeah he's not wow see that's how fucking bad he was i mean it was after his diamondbacks time obviously in 01 they uh i guess i'm maybe i'm not looking like no no look okay here it is so uh they they got him in a trade in 2004 from the die okay so like you know he he was just the world's MVP in 2001, you know? But I mean, he still was on the roster in 2007, so mostly he was there for two years. Yeah, it was quick. I mean, he just flamed the fuck out.

But shout out to Randy Johnson for killing a bird and giving us one of the best moments of all time. Before we get into our voicemails, I'm in the asshole. John had an interaction with his New York City super. That is one of the darkest, but I gotta call a spade a spade, funniest text exchange I've ever heard about. Our laughing at this is definitely

probably going to upset some people. But it is... There's gonna be somebody who can relate who's gonna be upset, but it's objective. I have sent this to people who, like, I sent it to people who I knew it was going to be hilarious. This is probably my most sent text of all time.

And then I've sent it to people too like contesting the Warriors who thought it might be borderline. And everyone is like ha ha ha, OMG, drops the hammer, blah blah blah. So I, first of all, I've never met my super. I've lived there for about six months. I've never met him. I don't call. Especially with pandemic and shit. I just don't talk to all, I've never met my super. I've lived there for about six months. I've never met him. I don't call.

Especially with pandemic and shit. I just don't talk to him. I've never – I don't even know what this person looks like. I have no idea. And even our tech exchange only has two things. One, I texted him actually Sunday because we have a weird thing in my apartment building. And I'm on the second floor, so I'm right by a lobby. And when the Comcast – when the spectrum cuts out, for some reason it sets off an alarm in our lobby.

I noticed that. Yeah. The light going off. Yeah, it's very weird. So I texted Sunday night. It went out for a little bit. Actually, we got to watch most of Super Bowl in a hot spot. But it was, hey, the alarm is going off in the lobby again.

No reply. And whatever. He's probably like, yeah, when the fuck. Fuck you, dude. It's Sunday and I'm at spectrum comes back on, it'll fucking go off. Yeah.

And then yesterday I said, um, since I think I told him to run down, but I have not had a microwave since I moved into my apartment. It was, it didn't work night one

and I just don't use the microwave that often. So it didn't really fucking matter. Um, and I said, Hey, our microwave isn't working.

It hasn't since this is at 5 24 said, hey, our microwave isn't working. It hasn't since this is at 524 p.m. Hey, our microwave isn't working. It hasn't since we moved in, but wasn't an issue until today. Could you come take a look at it when you get a chance? Didn't get a reply. And I was like, he's probably telling me to go fuck myself again. Whatever. I get it.

At 843, I said, I got a text. Sorry, I'm at the hospital. Let me speak to the manager tomorrow. I said, thank you. Hope everything is OK. At 844, right Sorry, I'm at the hospital. Let me speak to the manager tomorrow. I said, thank you. Hope everything is okay. At 844. Right away I said that. 845, he hit back right away.

I'm going to repeat my last text again. Thank you. I'm going to go from the top. Sorry, I'm at the hospital. Let me speak to the manager tomorrow. Thank you. Hope everything is okay. Not not really i have cancer on my right kidney and i was like oh come on man i never even met you i guess you're gonna put that evil on me i don't know who you are i don't i couldn't pick you out of a lineup. And now I have to deal with your goddamn fucking cancer when my microwave isn't working? I can't make a hot pocket?

I can't deal with you dying? And then, because I'm such a fucking psychopath, I got in my own head going bananas about what I'm supposed to reply to this fucking text. And the typical thing with someone you know or have met would be, that's awful, what can I do? But I don't know this guy's life. And he might say. Well, he's a crazy, he has no couth apparently. If he'll just send that in a text message,

he might take you up on the offer to do something. Not something, he might say, yeah, a kidney would be great. And then in order to avoid impolite, being impolite, guess who's down a kidney now? I'll fix that microwave. You just got to give me a spare kidney. The only reason I haven't given this guy a kidney yet is he hasn't asked. If this guy texts me right now and it's like, you know, I'm pretty down. I'm down a kidney.

Could I have yours? Yes. Fine. Here you go. Because I don't want you to think I'm even a little bit rude. And it is. Let me tell you this much. The phrase, not really, I have cancer, should never really be uttered.

You know, when you really think about that logically, if you're throwing out a not really, it should not be followed by I have a terminal disease. Because that means you're implying, like, hey, I don't really know. Let me inquire what's up. Not really. I have cancer. I mean, you just can't do that. And at least he gave me the specifics.

It's on the right kidney. I looked it up. Seventy five percent survival rate. If you're going to pick one. Oh, no, no. I mean, I just in general. Oh, OK. That's like, wow.

You're going to pick one of the cancers. Seventy five percent survival rate sounds pretty high to me. Yeah, sure. That's pretty good. Three out of every four. But then since I didn't know. No, no, no. No, you know what?

Well, yeah, yeah, because I was thinking about my YouTube subscribers. And 75% of you motherfuckers aren't subscribed, so that's a high-ass number. So let's fucking make sure. Let's just get that to 100. Continue. But then because I didn't – like I didn't know how to reply and I just fucking stared at the screen for a while and then I settled on, oh my god, I'm so sorry. And then I was like, well, that's just not enough. He's going to think you're being sarcastic.

Why he would ever think that, I don't know. When you said earlier like you're in the mind of a psychopath, and here we go. This is John agonizing over how the Texas Cancer Super. Or whatever. And so I fucking, I decided to tack on to the end, I will keep you in my prayers tonight.

Like I'm a fucking cartoon child who gets on his knees and says his prayers before he's allowed to get into fucking bed while he's full pajama up. And then last night I said a prayer for the God. Cause I didn't think that. I didn't think that. That's like,

I was like, well, I told you I was going to say a prayer. I got to say a fucking prayer for you. What was the prayer? What did you say? What did you say? I said,

what did you say to yourself? What did you say to God? Honestly, I basically said what I texted you because I had texted, I had texted it to you and I was like, okay, it's in my head. I'll just stick with that. Like I texted it to you as a joke, but then really it is a nice sentiment. He said – where is it? Because you sent a little picture too, right?

Yeah, yeah. Where is it? Fuck. too, right? Yeah, yeah. He said, Dear Lord, please look after and give him the strength to get through this treacherous battle. Amen. You said that, didn't you? And he sent me this.

I will admit, I didn't get on my knees. I just did it in bed. And he sent me this little picture. And I okay it's like and i fucking i feel bad laughing because of course i wanted to survive on it it's just an insane text to send to someone not never i got cancer you've never met no you can't do that like i have to now i have to go through my day i have added stress thinking about my super who i've never met cancer this battle and i'm like come on man i just got happy 16 hours ago can i have a day you and your cancer is inconvenient me and my mental health get the fuck out of here one moon's trip around the earth of being in a good goddamn mood and not having a fucking anxious panic attack. If you could go back and read you that text, would you just leave it the same or what would you reply?

If I could go back and do it, I'd just fucking deal with my broken microwave. I wouldn't ever send a text to begin with, Kevin. I think if someone said, not really, I have cancer, I would just send back the frowny face emoji. Not even the actual emoji. I would do colon parentheses. Or no, I would just do thumbs down. Oh no, you know what I would do? I would send the gif

of thumbs down guy from Yankee Stadium. Totally bummer, dude. That is a total thumbs down, dude. That's a bummer. What a bummer dude that is a total thumbs down dude that's a bummer what a bummer I told you to send back probably from a faulty microwave that's why you got that cancer I heard you give out carcinogens in fucking

radioactive waves oh no and I also said well at least you got two I would have wrote back you got another one come fix my fucking microwave pal he's bloody lying these fucking scoundrels in New York City these rat landlords and supers

he's probably like I don't want to fix this fucking microwave I don't want to do it anytime soon so I gotta tell this guy something that covers me for the next 6-9 months every time he texts me now I gotta chemo dude I'm never gonna text him ever again next thing I know he's like well my mom just committed suicide I'm like alright dude come on it again Are you kidding me? My mom just committed suicide Alright dude, come on

I just got a light out I do have to call a super to fix lights Because I have tons of lights out But not just light bulbs I can't reach it I just can't get up I'll go up by a ladder Come on, I live in fucking Kansas

I told you guys my rule I said Come on. What do I live in? Fucking Kansas? I told you guys my rule. I said this on the rundown the other day. I'll reiterate it here for the KFC radio people. My rule, never leaving the earth again. Yeah. I'm not going to leave the ground. I'll take a flight.

I'll do those things. Elevator, whatever. But me, personally, I will not be leaving the ground ever. Yeah, but then I asked you to jump, and you almost did. I almost did. So let's all right now. Give us a good jump. But I didn't, and I won't.

Nope, not doing it. Not doing it. You think I can hit this head up there? Yeah, right? Yeah, you can. You might. By the way, before you do this, I noticed about 20 minutes ago, the whole thing was falling apart. You were stretching your leg, and you were hurting.

Well, I had a foot cramp after. Well, yeah, so it's me. So you can jump, and guess what's going to happen? Is it straight stretching your leg and you were hurting. Well, I had a foot cramp after. Well, yeah, so it's me. So you go ahead and jump and guess what's going to happen? Is it straight up? Yeah, you're not going to feel good about this afterwards. Also, you better touch it. If you don't touch it, you're bad.

I was a little scared. Shout out to my guy Tom Segura. He got me shook. There's just no reason to leave the ground. What benefit did you get from that? Okay, you touched the ceiling. What if you blew out your patella?

What? We got something good. Hit this ad read and then I'll play it on the screen. Oh, alright. It's breaking. Breaking news from my guy Nick. It's brought to you by Miller Lite, you know. When there's big news to be had, you gotta crack open a Miller Lite. It's a celebration, bitches. You's brought to you by Miller Lite. When there's big news to be had, you got to crack open a Miller Lite. It's a celebration, bitches.

You got to turn 21, you have a Miller Lite. Hey, you got that promotion, have a Miller Lite. We're getting married, have a Miller Lite. Hey, you can still touch the ceiling when you jump. Miller Lite. By the way, go to the YouTube and watch because John jumping and touching the ceiling was a visual spectacle. Yeah, it was great. YouTube, and then subscribe.

It was like the Beijing Olympics all over again. Exactly. Give him a gold medal. So whatever the news is, breaking news, good, bad, or otherwise, Miller Lite is there for you to make that situation better. You know who could maybe use Miller Lite right now? You're super. Yeah.

It's like, hey. Well, probably not. No, yeah. Well, yeah. The kidneys are involved in the process of alcohol, I believe. I think so, yeah. It's probably not great. But you know what?

Also, it's like, you deserve it, pal. You deserve it, you know?, I believe. I think so, yeah. It's probably not great. But you know what? Also, it's like you deserve it, pal. You deserve it, you know? You should have wrote back, I'm going to send you some Miller Lite. I'm going to go to MillerLite.com slash KFC. I'm going to find out deliveries in your neighborhood, get sent right to our building, and we'll make it better for you. So whatever the reason may be, whatever news you're breaking, whatever things you're celebrating, Miller Lite is the answer for you. Great taste, less filling. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

It's only 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces and only 96 calories. It's brewed in Milwaukee from the Miller Brewing Company, so you know that that's like the real deal. That's like getting like Italian food in Little Italy. It's like you're going to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in the heartland of America. You're going to eat cheese and you're going to drink your beer. That's what Milwaukee does. So Miller Lite's there for you as the original light beer with great taste, less filling.

And right now you can get it delivered right to your door. You don't have to worry about COVID. You don't have to worry about social distancing or touching or any of that when you go to MillerLite.com slash KFC and find out the delivery options near you. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. What do we got, Nick? Drunk Tom Brady? No way! No way!

Tommy baby! Fuck yeah! No way! Oh my god! This is even happier than yesterday. Brady is fucking shattered. Shattered. This man.

Oh, God, I love him. Oh, I fucking love him. That is awesome. That is some fucking 2006 Lindsay Lohan getting carried out the club shit. Bro, I am astounded right now. I mean, he wasn't that drunk when he was 23 when he won his first Super Bowl. John, I am. Tommy don't know about that boat life.

That sun hits you. The beers go down a little faster on a boat. Dude. He was like Weekend at Bernie's. He is shattered. Absolutely astounded. I'm speechless. I'm flabbergasted.

Not since Tim Duncan's stumbling his way out of the club. You remember that one? He had his big fat jeans on and his plaid shirt. He had to get carried out. You know how hard it is to carry out from a fucking seven foot tall Tim Duncan? Tom Brady is like your girlfriend leaving brunch.

Tom Brady looks like your girlfriend had their bottomless mimosas. Holy shit. Tom Brady. You know what? I mean, it's not like a retirement thing because we all know he's just going to keep playing. But this is, I would say, let's call it seven years approximately of Tom letting go.

You know what I mean? Like he dealt with Deflategate. He dealt with the Belichick bullshit. He knew he had pressure on him to be like, all right, I got to prove that it was me, not Bill. And he did it. And now he's like, fuck it. I'm drinking.

What do you think he drinks? What do you think he got drunk off of? Wait, did he throw the Lombardi? This fucking guy! Oh, my God. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's not like the Lombardi, right? Sure it is.

But like the Lombardi? Because what if that just went, like, sunk in the water? It's happened with the Stanley Cup. You gotta get scuba divers to go get it. Also, the Stanley Cup, there's only one cup. It fell in a lake in Minnesota. I think it was Mike Modano. That's hilarious.

And it was... Actually, I don't know. Who did he throw it to? That's just fans? No, I guess another... I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, that looks like a ragtag group.

Bro, he's shit-faced. I bet with the Lombardi, they'd just make another one. Because the Stanley Cup, there's one cup. Right, that's what I'm saying. That's why I wonder if that was even the real one. There's probably one in Cooperstown or Canton already. Tom Brady, absolutely obliterated. Just blacked.

That's so... Wait, go back to that other angle. That's funny. That's great. I think he's just throwing it to fans. That's just... Wait, go back to that other angle. That's funny. That's great. I think he's just throwing it to fans. That's just fans, bro. Is it really? Okay, he hides right away like,

whoops! Which is a classic drunk move. Yeah. Like, ah, fuck, maybe we shouldn't have done that one. Whoever caught that looks like pretty jacked. That might be a player. That's Gronk. Yeah?

Oh, it's Gronk? I mean, that is... I mean, so what do you think he was drinking? Oh, this is... Is this another Tom Angle? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Show him.

Hold it, kid! Whoa! Hold it, kid. Whoa. That is so funny. Dude, it's so weird how... As he's carrying... What's her name? Like Abigail or something? Like just daddy's blacked out.

Vivian. Vivian. Vivian is just like, daddy's hammered. Vivian Vivian Vivian is just like daddy's hammered we all we all getting mouth kisses tonight who among us hasn't played with a child while they were drunk like you know what I mean

that'll be the cold open you know what I meant but actually that is perfect leading into Am I the Asshole? That's so funny. Because this is today's first Am I the Asshole? Someone added this on Twitter. Again, it's more of a relationship. We kind of do back and forth with these.

But this one is, how do I, 30-year-old male, tell her, 31-year-old female, the truth about my tattoo? So basically, this entire year, I've been on the Bucks Brady bandwagon big time and it's been a blast I'm a huge Brady fan growing up in the goat state watching the goat win ring after ring allowed me to grow up with the mindset of a winner watching Brady win has become such a huge part of my identity

that in honor of him I went out yesterday and got the number 12 tattooed on my arm this was my first tattoo my girlfriend has always really been into tattoos and always wanted me to get one. I always told her I wasn't against it, but I wanted to wait for something that was truly meaningful, and she understood. She has a bunch, including a swallow across

her ribcage, but I'm not the type of person to permanently mark my body just because I like birds. Instead, it's because I like football players. I came home from the shop yesterday, and I immediately went to show her the tattoo. I prefaced the reveal by saying I finally had found something meaningful enough to me. I unwrapped it, and once she saw the big blue 12 on my arm, she began to cry about how getting a tattoo of the year we started dating is so beautiful and romantic. You know where this is going?

You ride it out brother the entire time getting the tattoo it didn't even occur to me in 2012 was the year we started dating or that she would even make that connection she was critical of the font but she was moved by the sentiment and when she asked me what the blue the color blue symbolized i just told her it was the blue in her eyes even though it's clearly patriots colors it's, it's too late. You can't. I'm going to have to keep this secret for the rest of my life. No. But I don't know how, since I already told my friends that I was getting it done,

and my brothers. They will definitely want to see next time we're all around together. Not to mention, the number is clearly a football jersey font that my girlfriend will figure out at really any moment now. I'm worried because the implication is that Tom Brady, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Too long, didn't read. Girlfriend thing's number 12. I got this for the year we started dating. Straight up.

No exaggeration. He has to break up with her. This is our answer for every question. Don't even laugh. Don't laugh. He has to break up with this girl. As much as I jokingly said you have to ride this out forever, you can't because now you have to tell everyone else. If this grows in your life and you want to continue this lie, you have to tell everybody else that tattoos for the year I started dating my girlfriend.

You don't get to tell people that it's for Tom Brady anymore. So now you have the worst tattoo of all time. Yeah, that's true. Somebody told me that. First of all, nobody, like maybe if you got the apostrophe, you know, like you don't just get the last two digits of the year. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? 12 is weird. Right.

If you had like, and it's weird when there's a new century or whatever. If you get like the little apostrophe and it says 95, you know, it's like, ah, 1995. In the year 95. But like 12 is just weird. You know what I mean? When it's like, ah, 1995. In the year 95. But like 12 is just weird. You know what I mean? When it's like low numbers like that. But anyway, my point is, you wanted to get a sports tat,

and you got it. Your girlfriend hijacked it. And if you want to keep up that lie, you now have to tell everybody, yeah, I just got the year I started dating my girlfriend on there. I mean, that's awful. Or now that you've committed to the lie a little bit by saying, oh, I got like blue

because of your eyes. You can't really tell the truth without looking like the asshole. See, I think you have to break up with this girl. Nope. I'm doing the exact opposite. The end result will be the same. But I am. We're delaying the inevitable.

But, you know. But I'm intentionally delaying the inevitable because one, the day where this upcoming season is probably when it will happen. It's when the Buccaneers go to Gillette and Gillette's going to have a big spectacle for them. Probably maybe retire his number. I don't know. That wouldn't be a crazy move at all. Seriously. And then we're going to be sitting on the couch together and she's going to slowly look over.

She's going to put his gun. She's going to put it together. I'm going to see the hamster wheel spinning and the hamster putting puzzles together. It's going to be the hangover with the little numbers popping in and out. Yeah, and she's going to be like, wait, that's what that is. And then we're going to have a massive fight. And just for the rest of my life, that's going to be a hilarious story. Right. Telling that revelation.

And then she's going to dump me. And then I don't have to dump her. Okay. And that's because recently someone at Barstool Sports just got broken up with. And it was someone who did not want to be in a relationship anymore. And they got dumped. And they were upset about this. And I was like, I don't even understand why.

Yeah. And they were like, well, I wanted to be the one to end it. I was like, fucking why? If someone who I wanted to be the one to end it. I was like, fucking why? If someone who I wanted to break up with dumped me, I'd be like, it saves me a conversation. See you fucking later. So if I know this relationship's done,

the onus is on you. I'm Matt Damon in The Departed. You're going to leave. If this ends, you're going to have to go on the leave. That is fair. I'm okay with that. My larger point is the same. This relationship has to be over. This tattoo and her jumping. By the way, this girl sucks.

How narcissistic do you have to be to jump to that conclusion? Right. You know what I mean? And how little knowledge you have about football. You know what? This woman deserves to lose a relationship because she's been dating this man for eight years, nine years, you know what? This woman deserves to lose a relationship because she's been dating this man for

eight years, nine years, whatever fuck out of you, you do math. She has not realized he's that obsessed with Tom Brady. She doesn't even remember his number. If you are obsessed enough to get a tattoo of 12 for Tom Brady, you have been watching the games, you've been yelling

TV 12, you have been doing that whole thing. She's been fucking been watching the games. You've been yelling TV 12. You have been doing that whole thing. She's been fucking bird watching the whole time. She got the sparrow. I was like, I don't know. I forgot that part. I was like, I guess so. She's been too busy bird watching

to pay even a little bit of attention. You know what? I'm going to paint a whole picture. This girl's cheating on him. This girl has been fucking the neighbor. She's been fucking the super with the kidney cancer. She's so out of touch with what her boyfriend actually is into and thinking about and loves. So she must be preoccupied and distracted. This girl sucks.

This relationship is terrible. She doesn't even know your likes and dislikes. She doesn't even know your loves and your passions. She thinks everything's all about her. And you're a pussy for even going along with it. You should just punch her in that sparrow and leave her. Goodbye. Stay until she realizes because that's going to be awesome.

It's a funny story to tell. I would actually go as far to say set up some cameras in your house. Get the hidden cameras going 24-7 and just wait for that moment to happen. Because when you can post on the internet that moment when my girlfriend after two and a half years of this tattoo realized that it wasn't for me. I didn't

deuce labor. I didn't deuce. I just go around walking around on Tom Brazier's. Right. Make her figure it out. How dumb are you going to be? How much Sparrow watching you doing before you realize hey, these things fucking matter perfectly. right and like make her make her figure it out like yeah how dumb you gonna be how much sparrow watching you doing before you realize hey these things fucking mad perfectly this this guy my favorite athlete all the time the greatest the greatest drunk and exit ever of a super bowl parade it's clearly for him not you suck a bag of dicks uh so how about this

so i texted um our guy who knows Tom Brady. I said, what do you think about your boy being drunk? He says, I don't think he's drunk. Oh, come on! That's the drunkest person I've ever seen! He said, I'm in a debate. He looks hammered, but honestly, I don't think he is. I think that dude is grabbing him weird.

What? I'm probably wrong, but I just texted a couple guys on the boat asking if they're boozing. Brother, he's shit-faced. I mean, it's the most clear drunk. I mean, the smile, the way. Look, as a guy who's been drunk countless times. As a guy who's been carried out of places like that. It is. I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure

it looked like that. Let me just say this for the... Let me play devil's advocate for the sake of argument, whatever you want to say here. If he's not drunk, whoever that dude is touching him like that, get the fuck off of me! Imagine if me and you were just leaving the bar and I was just like... Just still, like, walking like why would anybody do that

to a non drunk person that is I'm gonna write back this is the dumbest take of all time okay next up am I the asshole this is a doozy of an episode we're rolling here

am I the asshole for applying to be the bachelor you know i don't know probably anyway you know you think maybe there's a couple reasons why but i don't know a dude wants to be the bachelor what's the big deal so the other day i had nothing to do and i really uh i nothing i had had nothing to do, and I really had nothing to do, and I ended up pulling up the application to be the next bachelor. It was pretty easy to fill out, and I've always thought it would be a great fit for a multitude of reasons.

So I ended up submitting my application. I thought nothing of it. It was like signing up to win a car in the mail in the mall. Well, my girlfriend, however, thinks differently. And there is the crucial piece of information. She heard me banging away on my keyboard as I was filling out the... By the way, nothing worse than a loud typer. We have one who sips over by us.

Trent? No, Casey. And it's infuriating. Trent, I feel like, is a loud typer, too. But maybe I'm just hearing Casey. Yeah, you probably are. And I try and manipulate her. And I always just hearing Casey. Yeah, you probably are. Yeah. And I try and manipulate her. And I always just say, like, hmm, sounds like a bunch of fucking cockroaches are coming

running over here like that. And then it induces her. Oh, yeah. And I'm just going to keep doing that until she fucking stops typing so loud. You know what you do? Chop her hands off. So, I mean, this is crazy. This is crazy. He just texted me. I just confirmed with everyone on that boat he's not drunk i would bet my mother's life on it what that's crazy

that doesn't make any fucking can we call him would he talk about this or no probably not but i mean i don't know. That's insane. Yeah. Can we talk about this on the podcast or no? Yeah, I think so. Okay, because I got you on speaker here. We're recording right now. You are an idiot.

You're wrong. I mean, dude, he's a drunk person. If he wasn't drunk, why would that guy be holding him right now because i don't i'm not sure that's what makes it look funny i guess he looks drunk in that in that video but he's not that guy for some reason was like trying to steer him in some direction and time was going along with it wouldn't you be like get the fuck off of me like why are you such a good mood he loves superbowl so much. Yeah, well, that makes sense. He's just letting this guy.

He's like, fine, I'm not going to yell at anyone. What about like, I mean, he's throwing the one. He's got a buzz. If you're trying to tell me he's not blacked out, I could probably deal with that argument. But he's got a good buzz on him. Are you saying that when you text to those people that they're not drinking? He's just so happy. He's just so happy about winning the Super Bowl that he's like on cloud nine.

You're still on his payroll. I was going this are you are you back on his payroll is that well i mean he's throwing the lombardi trophy did you see him do like the peace sign where he's carrying vivian around he's like looking off the video that when i saw it i said that is not that he's not drunk because he is goofy like that that is tom like i've seen him do that kind of shit before that's like me if i was like you got long that's how it goes what about like in comparison when he was at like carnival was he drunk then or was he just dancing like a goofy guy then that was me that was like six seven years ago now so that that was pretty me but it's all he's a normal guy when i know no one believes when you say this but like i'm not saying he's not gonna have a drink tonight

but i'm saying that right now 4 p.mm., getting off that boat, seeing those videos, I said right away, he's not that drunk. There's no way. I, just from having my own eyeballs, would have to bet my mother's life that he is drunk. If I didn't know at all, I hear you. Yeah. I agree. But he just tweeted a video out, so let's watch this right now.

Just the highlight video. You can't really tell. I mean, I have to get confirmation one way or the other on this. I must know, but I mean, who would know better than him? I mean, just shoot him a text. You shit-faced right now? Just straight up ask. If he's sober, he'll respond.

I'm not going to bother him, but I texted people who would know and I can't. Text me back when you have full confirmation. You can send him a text. Just the starting clip of what's the Drake song? You drunk right now?

Marvin's Room. Marvin's Room, yeah. Let me know, alright? Alright, alright. Let me know, all right? All right, all right. I mean, I just can't possibly. I mean, I believe. Call me crazy, but I believe him. But also, like, then add it to the list of, like,

Tom Brady's just the weirdest dude in the world. Let's guys, like, tickle his armpit walking off a boat. Does a weird peace sign. Just a goofy fucking guy. Do you think he maybe thought he's just like such a crowd of people? He's just like, it's other people touching me? Like these are just hands. Let me tell you something.

The only normal explanation would be that he's drunk. Otherwise, there's no reason for that man to be touching him. Right, right. Goodness. All right, we're running late here. We're running long. So we're just going to get right into voicemails. We'll do a couple more M.I. the assholes later next week to make up for

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and get that free security camera today with the 60-day risk-free trial. Let's go, voicemails. What's up? Hey, KFC. Bye. This is Jackie. Hey,

KFC. New England's fair weather stand here. 17, by the way. So my question is, do you think it'd be more impressive if Brady got traded or not traded, but was a free agent left to another team and then then won a Super Bowl there, kind of like what LeBron does? Or do you think he'd be

more impressive if he created another dynasty in Tampa? Like, let's say he won three more... So another dynasty or another franchise? I would say another... More impressive? I would say another franchise. Yeah, for sure. Because, I mean, obviously, we know now that

Tampa Bay is a super bowl caliber team and if you were to just run it back you know if they keep that core or maybe even add somebody but they're gonna add everybody if he is like i think i think he probably will have a dynasty yeah i i would especially because i think we said last time the nfc south is now james winston matt ryan and teddy bridgewater. Like Brady's going to run through that. The Buccaneers are going to run through that. Give me the first seed. I mean, Aaron Rodgers says his future's up in the air.

No, it's not. He's going to stay in Green Bay. But I think Tampa is now the cream of the crop of the NFC. I think Mike Evans already told the Brucerians it'll take less money, make sure the team stays together. Adrian Peterson was on Pat McAfee's show today being like, I want to go down there. Don't get me wrong.

Adrian Peterson doesn't really have – Is Edelman locked up in New England? Edelman, there is a chance he retires. And then un-retires. I was going to say, that same loophole? Because Edelman did have kind of a vague text uh a vague tweet about new england area where it's just like you've been you've meant so much to me kind of deal um and then that's why on pmt i think they started the interview with him with like

are you like are you ready to come out of retirement what are you guys talking about right right um but the uh yeah i i i think it's more impressive to start another dynasty and i think he's going to and i think it was more impressive to start another dynasty, and I think he's going to. And I think it was Danny Amendola who was on McAfee or whatever he was on. Wait, you think it's more impressive to start the dynasty? Than get traded to another team and win another one? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's more impressive to start another dynasty,

to win, like, three more in Tampa. I don't think so. Because of what I mean. Because then you're just creating a new legacy. We're just like, look. Well, no, don't get me wrong. I think it's like cooler. I'm just saying that like if he were to just go to another like 7-9 team and do what he just did.

Because like what you just said, it's cool and it is impressive that he is such a presence. He's a snowball. Right, right. A snowball that turns into an avalanche. He's like a planet with an orbit, you know. He brings people a sun with an orbit. But I think. Planets have orbits too, it brings people, a sun with an orbit. But I think... Planets have orbits too, don't they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think if he were to just go to another team that's already not, like, primed to win a championship and just do that, like, if he could do another... Yeah, that's true. If he could do a one-year thing again, like, go to another 7-9 team, I would love to look at the standings right now

and pick a team that's, like, right there. If he went to, like... I don't know, like, if we went to like i don't know like what we're like like actually people take the lions you know what i mean like go bring a championship to a team that you know needs it i just went to the jets and won a super bowl yeah that would be but like also i think people forget the bucks were like a quarterback away so you'd have to go to a team that's a quarterback away true but they i mean but go to a team that's a quarterback away. True, but they were a 7-9, right? I mean, yes, you're right, but... And they weren't necessarily a quarterback away

because obviously everyone who scored in the Super Bowl did not play on that team last year. Ever since, from the kicker to the fucking tight end to the wide receiver to the running back, none of them played on that team last year. But they were... People had said when Brady... When it started being like a little more

uh a little more unknown about brady's future people were like tampa's a good destination for him because yeah it's a good fit there's a foundation at least it was yes he brought in his own mercenaries so i'm just looking at like what if you know if you went to the seven and nine vikings and just won a title there you know the, the 8-8 Cardinals. If he went to the Bears, the Bears actually probably would work. He went to the, you know, 5-11 Panthers. Like, that shit to me is... Yeah, that would be

impressive. Next up. Oh, wait, sorry. So, another update, like, there's footage of him getting off the boat back on a dock, and he's, like, walking totally fine, and now the story's, like, walking totally fine. And now the story is, like, he didn't have his sea legs. How long? He wasn't out there that long.

So this is him, like, getting off, like, a little boat, not, like, the cruise ship. That's his boat. It's $2 million. So he's, like, and now he's just walking on a dock. Nobody holding him up. No wobbles. No falling. No nothing. I don't know.

I mean, like, yeah, that's pretty clear that, you know, he wasn't that fucking drunk. He's standing on a dock, which is harder to walk on than the ground with a sea leg and all that bullshit. Which, by the way, fun movie fact, Johnny Depp, if you watch the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, he walks straight on water. So when he's walking, people think it's always he's fucked up. No, it's his sea legs. It's exactly this. Johnny Depp?

You know how he walks in Pirates of the Caribbean? Uh-huh. If he's on a boat, he walks regular. Oh, is that he's doing that like that's like a little. A little Easter egg. Yeah. When he's on land, he walks like that. But when he's on water, when he's on a boat, he walks perfectly fine.

Johnny Depp is so cool. It's sad that he's crazy and him and his girlfriend wanted to murder each other. Alright, one more voicemail. This voicemail of the day is brought to you by Harry's. Harry's has been in this game for a while, trying to make sure that you have the closest shave possible with the most high quality products.

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with Barstool, surviving Barstool absolutely love it please make it season 2 fights, quick little sidebar for you kind of thought Brianna looked like that one fraternity formal date that looked like she'd fuck up someone at the rest of the dates there

thought you might enjoy that top 5 for you, boys. I know Sad Boy Season's over with. Not yet. What are the top five songs or albums that you would describe the last 10 years of your life? They could be either whatever you want, but they can't be from the same album or whatever. I'd love to hear your thoughts and Viva. Okay.

I don't know what that sidebar about you was. I had no idea. Rihanna looked like a – Rihanna. Rihanna. Oh, Chicken Fry looked like a – A prom date? A sorority girl, a sorority formal.

But what did that have to do with you? I don't know. Did you have – Anyway. I have a New Orleans story, but that involved a sorority girl from Brazil. That's a good question. I don't know if I can think of it on the spot.

Was it the last... I'm just going to say one album. I don't think he's in the top fives or whatever. The music that describes the last... 10 years of your life? Yeah, let's call it 5, though. 10's a long time. That's an entire time at Barstool.

Last five years of my life. So I'm thinking about, like, the albums I listen to the most. But it's not that. It's the album that... No, it's the music that, like, describes your life the most. God damn it. That's fucking really hard. I need an album i mean jason is bill is bill um that's like northeastern northeaster um i forget what name it is but i mean that one's

definitely up there um i need an album that is just like absolute catastrophic train wreck the last five years you were like yeah what's Pink's one what's the one with Pink where it's like uh fuck I forget you and your hand I don't care for your it's just you and your

hand tonight again you're much better at singing Hannah Montana. I don't know what you mean. You know how you can break someone's speakers? No! Tigger's gone on long enough. You can actually go really high. Yeah, that was probably thoroughly not enjoyable for the listener.

Oh, I did it! That's the cold one. I need an album that is not even like the music. Oh, I know. One of Eminem's bad albums when he was on drugs and fucked up and like losing his kid like all that shit I don't need the music to be the way I need like the the artist to have been a train wreck ah okay or like um it's gotta be like some some other artist who was like uh there's more like like like like Britney like a Britney album when she was going crazy sort of thing or like uh

who's an artist who's just a wreck? Eminem, I think. Actually, it's all of them. Yeah, usually everybody has like an album or two. It's like, that was my bad phase. I don't remember recording that album. Yeah, yeah. I think he does say that about Relapse, which I think would make sense. Yeah, that would be it for me.

I also have Connie Crowe's August Everything After. I always have that on every album list ever. It's one of the best albums of all time. Maybe the best album of all time. You think that describes your life? Yeah, but I don't fucking... What do you mean describes my life? I don't know what I've done in the last five years.

Yeah, your life's pretty... I have a fucking clue. It's pretty, like, you know, it's just pretty level. Every single day is the same day. Yeah. It's insane. It is. It is.

It is. You have not, like... You've had, like, you know, new relationships, new apartment, but, like, I don't know. It's all the same. Same shit. It's all the same. Yeah. It's insane. It's insane.

It doesn't, it just doesn't. Like, there's no way life changes this little. Fucking insane. Like, there's just, like, I don't know. I love it. I don't know. What's fucking Eiffel Tower? The I'm blue.

Da ba dee da ba die. If I was green, I would die. If I was green, I would die. Da ba dee da ba die. I have no idea how that describes my life. That song absolutely thumps me. It popped into my head. Do you actually think it was I'm green or did you just go with da ba dee?

No, I said I'm green. Is it not I'm green? I think it's I'm green, but people just go with the double D, you know? Uh, no, I said I'm green. Is it not? I'm green. I think it's, I'm green, but people think it's, I'm, if I was blue, I would die.

And I think it's just double D double die. I'm blue. If I was green, I was, I mean this album or this song, 315, this guy, 315 million streams on that.

The next one's at eight. Yeah. Talk about a one fucking hit wonder. That song and Chumbawamba Thumb Thumper was really the peak of nonsense music. Can you imagine being a poet type of writer, a lyricist, and then that? That goes fucking viral. Oh, my God. I mean, the Beatles lyricist, and then that, that goes fucking viral. Like, oh my god. I mean, the Beatles did it too.

I don't know, I haven't heard the song. I don't even know that song. Something like that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that song sucks. Fuck the Beatles. Alright, that's it. See you next week. The soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Yeah Uh-huh Yeah

Uh-huh Yeah, we're not alone Yeah Yeah