KFC Radio - Hank Azaria, The Last Dance, Top Five Sidekicks, and Heather Brooke Returns In Our Darkest Hour

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, rate five stars, and leave a review with what you want us to do for our Top 5 next week! The Greatest of All Time returned to the screen this weekend to remind us why she's the best. Heather Brooke has returned in our nations darkest hour and Kevin was the first person she followed on twitter. We go over our favorite parts of The Last Dance. For Top 5 Tuesday, we rank the top five sidekicks of all time. After, we discuss the people protesting staying inside. Voicemails include: Baby Talk or Monotone, Combining Two Feelings, and Hibernating Vs Flying South Hank Azaria returns to the show to discuss the fourth and final season of Brockmire. We discuss the decision to move the show into the future, the unique growth of Jim Brockmire as a character throughout the series, and the potential of future Brockmire projects. We also discuss what he's workin on in quarantine, the Simpsons, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. And it was a weekend of greatness, John. Weekend of nostalgia. The all-time greats were on display. And I'm not talking about Michael Jordan. MJ in a distant second.

I didn't think anybody could steal the shine from MJ and The Last Dance. People have been asking for this documentary. The internet bullied ESPN into releasing it. It was our saving grace, and it pales in comparison. It's a candle in the sun to what I truly believe is the greatest comeback we've ever witnessed, including Michael Jordan, including the Brett Favres. Well, we have to be careful here. We don't know. Well, like comebacks usually aren't great.

Comebacks very rarely, I mean, like you said, even better. In the beginning they are. Jordans, you're talking about even better. In the beginning, they are. Jordans, you're talking about the 45 comeback. Yes. The 45 comeback was incredible. And by the way, the Wizards, while obviously pales in comparison to what he did, Jordan put up like 24, 5, and 5 on the Wizards. He wasn't a bad player, but yes, nobody's regaling you with stories of Michael Jordan in Washington.

But we'll talk about that in a minute. But for those who don't know, Heather Brook, who is, in my opinion, the greatest porn star of all time from the greatest generation. There was a viral tweet this weekend. I don't know if it was viral. I just say any tweet that comes across my timeline, viral. If I don't follow the person, if it just gets ret retweeted you have one retweet like i was this viral tweet i saw well think about it it naturally is if i don't know you and i don't follow you and somehow it's like the virus it's like how did i get it from you i don't even know you it's viral done

oh i'm gonna add something to our rundown for this list today we're gonna get to it it's i saw you tweet about it i've mentioned it before uh it's it's gotten out of hand so we're just gonna this will be later. We got to talk about Slim Jim. We got to do something about Slim Jim. I'm going to find Slim Jim's social media and I'm going to fucking murder him. I don't care who it is.

I could find Slim Jim's Twitter right now. It could be the sweet little girl out of college. I would fucking strangle the life out of her with my bare hands. It's gotten out of hand. He or she is drunk with power. And they're commenting on... I think they follow just everyone on Twitter,

on Instagram, and they just kind of... My friends post have Slim Jim being like, been there, girl. Know that. What are you doing, Slim Jim? Fucking knock it off and just sell fucking meat. But the... What was I saying? Oh, yeah.

So there was this viral tweet that was like, what is the 9-11 for – what are we? Millennials. What's the 9-11 for millennials? You know that moment where you remember where you were? First of all, it was 9-11. 9-11, yeah. I remember where it was. We're 9-fucking-11. But 9-fucking-11.

Secondary to that is Heatherbrook. I remember where I was. I can tell you, I'm not going to use government names. Well, yeah, I am. His name was Ryan. I was at my friend Ryan's house. Who the fuck cares? I don't know. I was at my friend Ryan's house

in his basement on freeones.com. Yeah. And I saw the Heather Brook bikini video. I could – yo, I could draw you a map of this room from my head just because of that video. I know exactly where the fucking laptop – I don't know what the laptop desktop was. The TV was behind us. Garage over back here. I could draw you the fucking schematics of the room where I first saw Heather Brooke.

Yo, the fun of this weekend, and for those who don't fully know, I would imagine if you listen to our show, you certainly know. Heather Brooke, porn star from the early 2000s. She was the original, like, it was the original, like, couples porn, really. Like, it was just her and her husband and she can make a dick disappear down her throat she is the undisputed throat goat and it's not even fucking close she was such a fucking superstar that I

listened to her Howard Stern interview it's like I've never heard that you gotta send that to me I've never I didn't even know that happened. I haven't heard it in 10, 15, however long it's been. I remember 01, 02 being the watermark on those videos. Yes, I said that today.

Casey asked me when was it, and I was like, hang on. I closed my eyes. I was like, I can definitely remember 01 and 02. I don't know if it went to 03 and 04, but I – www. – the little copyright C, 2001. The best part of those copyrights is that, like, Barstool Sports – not copyrights, those watermarks. Barstool Sports' watermarks were no better 10 years later. I know. We're just doing the same thing.

BarstoolSports.com on the bottom. So she was, like like this porn star. Saying that she deep throats is not – that's not the right term. We need like another term. She like inhales this guy's dick with such ease that it truly is, in my opinion, she is the greatest at what she does. She's better than Jordan at basketball, better than Gretzky at hockey, better – the only thing is maybe Marty Mush at throwing things

into weird fucking cups. Yeah, fuck that. Fuck that because she doesn't first try. That's true. What they say about great athletes is that they just make it look easy. Yeah. The paradox of the great athlete is that anyone thinks they can do it because they just make it look so simple.

She may look easier than anybody you'll ever see. And that, I think, is her greatest lasting legacy is that the amount of guys who were our age who were like, oh, that's what a blowjob's like. They were wildly mistaken. And the amount of girls who had to be like, you want me to do that? No, I mean, I would love to. I wish I could, but it's not fucking possible. She had people misconstruing sex on a radical level because of her talents, which I think is maybe the greatest compliment. I would, John, I think she gives too good of head.

I would agree with that. I want a little struggle. Where you think about it now, where, like, I actually do worry that, that she's going to get back into the porn game. No. That's not a skill you lose. What's that? You're worried she's not going to be good anymore? That's not a skill you lose. I's that? You're worried she's not going to be good anymore?

That's not a skill you lose. I'm not worried she's not going to be good anymore. I'm worried that she hasn't kept up. Like, we've interviewed athletes before who are like, nah, I don't really pay attention to it anymore. Like, when we were talking to Chris Fox, I don't really follow basketball. That was my life, and it's not anymore. I'm on to new things.

I'm concerned that Heather has not kept up with pornography and she's going to come back and do a giant fucking nightmare and be like, you want to do what to me? Yeah. When you go back, her catalog, while impressive, is very tame. I mean, very tame, you know? But we're talking, I mean, she's been fucking Jim for 15 years, okay? Like –

What if she comes back and we're getting just 20-year marriage blowjobs? The funniest comment I saw. The amount of comments, tweets, DMs, and texts I got on this. That thread after your initial tweet is one of the funniest threads on Twitter ever. And that's why I love this. Some people are all fucking, some people are bent out of shape being like, this is creepy. You're like a 40-year-old man. Don't you have

kids? Fuck off. This is what I think Bursar's... Oh, I didn't see any of that. I just... Oh, I got enough of those in my fucking... in my times. Anytime we're talking about porn or any of that shit that's where i think we are like no one else is going to talk about this you know and everybody knows about it like so we got to do this and that's why i think if we can uh if we can land

this interview i think it'll be like although i didn't know howard i was thinking that we were going to get like the only time she's ever done it. But even still, if the only last person she talked to was Howard, I think, you know, we're still in rare air. It was 20 years ago. It was a long time. It wasn't like she did it in a year. She did it a long time. I think that she has probably been filming with Jim for 15 years. I think we're going to see new shit, but I think we're going to see shit from 04, 05, 06, 07.

Oh, you think we're opening up the Paisley Place vault? It's Paisley Place, right? Yes, it was. I knew it was Paisley. I forgot if it was Palace Place or whatever. I mean, I think... Yes, my guess would be that they had a family.

They were going to get out of the public eye, but they're still this freaky porn couple. And I think they should stop filming. They had a family and just wanted to wait until their kids were of porn age in order to release porn. Well, here's the thing. If you have kids, I bet you they were like, all right, we got to stop. Our kids are like, again, totally speculating.

I don't even know if they have kids. But if their kids are like six, you're going to first grade for the first time, and it's like, okay, we got to stop. And then for the next 15 years, everybody still knows that you're fucking Heather Brooke because you're Heather Brooke. Eventually, you're probably like, fuck it. Kids, let's just make a bunch of money. You know what I mean? Go off to college. Cat's out of the bag.

That actually does make sense if it was like now they're past. Again, if these kids exist, these fucking kids we just invented. They're still children. They're past like the age where it can mess you up. You can be teased now. As an 18-year-old, you can be teased. But if you weren't raised on the teasing, then it's like your mind is pretty much set. You're a fully formed human being.

I mean mean don't get me wrong they're probably fucked up already but this is not gonna fuck them up anymore uh i mean what would what would you do if your mother was heather brock next question and uh i do have we're gonna have to right off the bat discuss this this heather harman. Just give it up. Go to the DMV. Change your fucking name. By the way, I hope Brooke's in the mix.

Do you think she's bringing her friends back? I honestly would skip Brooke videos. I'm just in it for Heather. That chick, Brooke with the lip liner, just looked ridiculous. It was so 2000s, it was absurd. She was wearing fucking low hip jeans, hip cut jeans, it was absurd. It was, but she was wearing fucking low-hip jeans, hip-cut jeans,

whatever they were. Low-hip with boot-cut jeans, a fucking tube top, had spaghetti hair. That shit, get her the fuck out of here. I don't need that kind of nostalgia. I need Heather, but I do need her. I need that long, skinny dick back in my life.

And the funniest comment I saw on this, out of all the threads, was someone that said, I hope that Jim looked back and realized how dehydrated he was. And that's a deep cut. You got to know what he's talking about, because that was Jim's one fatal flaw is that there was never a big finale. There was never a big payoff. Did you see, by the way, her Twitter account? Yeah. There was never a big payoff.

Did you see, by the way, her Twitter account? Yeah. You're the only person she follows. I mean, so Asa texted me and was like something about her Twitter account. And I was like, well, when I emailed her, she said she's just getting into social media. She's like, yeah, I know. She emailed it, sent it to me, and I just clicked on it, and you're the only person she follows.

And then Asa was like, are you catfishing me? And I was like, am I getting catfished? And she was like, is this a double catfish? Is this real? And honestly, if it wasn't for a video of her saying it, I would have thought this was an elaborate ruse because I was like, what is going on here? That's almost a little too close to home. I'll give you full disclosure. I woke up Saturday morning. I

see the new news. I rushed to my computer to blog it. And I did have a moment of like, I should probably be waking up living with my own children right now. And instead, I'm a divorced dad blogging about porn. definitely hit me and i was like hmm i don't know if i'm i don't know if i'm happy about this but too late now so let's fucking roll with it you want to do an interview heather but that was definitely a reality moment for sure uh but what a fucking i mean it's it's it's like kind of creepy and funny to say, but like the rush of that news was hilarious. I mean you had it at 200 views. It was insane how low – I thought like you've been in contact with Heather and she sent it to you first and you broke the news. I mean when you texted that to me, I was flabbergasted.

I thought something must have been wrong like, oh, this is a fake video. Right. No, just Kevin had Google alerts on for 20 years. But whether or not Heather Brooke is coming back. I do got to give props to Fat Face JJ. He was the one. And I said in the blog, I was like, I think he was just doing some new dad early Saturday morning porn cruising. And he wrote back to me and said, that was so accurate.

I started to wonder if I had cameras in my house. So shout out to all the dads there. There's going to be plenty more to peruse, I think. And honestly, the parallels between that and the MJ thing is so fucking funny. Because going into the last dance last night, I kept thinking, how many kids are going to see this for the first time? Like, yeah, you knew who Jordan was, but you don't know the stories. You haven't seen the highlights. You don't really get it.

The amount of like Rudy, when Rudy texted me, it was like, I didn't know who Heather Brooke was. And I just watched her like, oh my God. When he said, I didn't know that was possible in Bush's America. I almost fell off the fucking chair. The amount of people, guys, girls who are going to watch that chick blow some dude and be like, what did I just see? It's fucking hilarious. The last dance was the other bit of greatness on display this weekend. And MJ and that documentary

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And it's one of the easiest ways to save cash, which we all could use right now. So go to joinhoney.com slash KFC, install it, and start saving that money today. Last night, episodes one and two of the highly anticipated. And I don't know if that was a quarantine effect or what, but I can't remember. It can't be a quarantine effect because we had to bully them into showing it. For sure. But I wonder if this was just June and regular.

Yeah, oh, that's definitely a quarantine effect as well, for sure. If there were sports on, if the Bruins were playing last night, I'm not watching the documentary. Because I probably would have had the same level of excitement anyway, but that's a good test right there. I mean, Rocket wouldn't even watch. Rocket said he watched the documentary back when he was a Birmingham Barron, and that was Barron, and that was all he needed.

So I guess if you're not a basketball nut, you wouldn't be watching. But, I mean – I do want to clarify, I would have watched, just not lie. I am very interested in Michael Jordan. I'm not a big just not live. I'm very interested in Michael Jordan. I'm not a big basketball guy, but I'm very interested in Michael Jordan. So I would have watched it, but I probably wouldn't have watched it live if there was something else on it. The buzz on at least my Twitter, I mean, it was all I saw all Sunday long. Like from the morning to night was just people speculating,

people getting hyped up. Did you actually – have you seen any reports of ratings? No, but I'm sure they're massive. I'm sure they're through the roof. I said taking out, like, scripted TV shows, like Game of Thrones fucking finale. I mean, I think it was the biggest since – It wasn't the Super Bowl. It was actually very Super Bowl- like for me in particular because or

for barstool people in particular because we're like watching for stuff to tweet we're watching for like clips to tweet or we're watching for t-shirts to make it was it was very much like a sports game for a barstool blogger yep which which was great by the way to get back on to like a live tweeting i'm so happy this was is being done even i think doing it every other night with the finals would have been very cool uh because it would have just been like new age old school new age old school back and forth but i like the idea that we get this for like you know five weeks like a regular mini series i love the two episodes per night so you still get like a full night of watching something but it's drawn out and i like the commercials.

I like being able to tweet. I love this format so much more. To be a good example, though, I did not love the unveiling of the Facebook company. They made that shit sound ominous as hell. Okay. Was that new? Because I was like, I've never heard it called this before. And now it's like we've said it a thousand times.

That was my first experience with it. I'm sure it was technically it before. That was my first time on a grand I'm sure it was technically it before. That was my first time on a grand scale being like, we are the Facebook company. And with a black background and white font letters. We're taking over. That was like, we're going to fucking kill you. Yeah. We're going to birth your baby.

We're going to have your funeral. We're dealing with everything from now. Whatever you want to do with your life runs through me. Mark Zuckerberg. I'm not even kidding man zuckerberg you give zuckerberg 5g and artificial intelligence he's taking over the fucking world yeah and like i i don't know extensively what the whole facebook covet 19 thing is that plays into the facebook company oh oh dude okay i i wrote a blog today on their map i thought this map was gonna be like incredible i thought

it was gonna be like here's here's what we look like in comparison to italy and if we did these if we install these measures here's how it would look and if we fuck up we do it this way here's how bad it'll get it's just a map that looks like a weather map it's just like this this many people with fucking covid in this town which i guess is. But all that is is he's getting billions of people to sign up and tell them what their health history is, which I don't know how that's a bad thing, but it's a bad thing. I know that somebody wants to be ultra, ultra private, that every other institution in the world keeps secret, and we're just giving it to Mark Zuckerberg. That's not a good idea. No. He's like, I have your health records.

I know what games you play. I know what porn you watch. I know who you vote for. Zuckerberg's, it's over. It's a flop. It's Carter Giff this. The Facebook company now that, again, that's probably what it's been called in fucking boardrooms for a while now. Now that he's like,

if he's telling us now, that means he knows it's too late. You can't do anything about it. Here it is. The world is now called the Facebook company. Deal with it. That's such a great point. That was his like – yeah, it's beyond the point of return. I now run it, and I don't care if you know.

It is out of your hands. Nothing you can do about it. And like they intentionally said it like in a scary sense. You could have been like, and the the facebook company it's like the facebook it is it's the voice you hear in a nightmare says the facebook company we'll talk about that in a minute too i think i think we're i think i think we're fucked i think the world's fucked i think we're fucked if we go back out and get coronavirus and i think we're fucked if we if we just stay inside and let like the the zuckerbergs and the government take over so either way we're fucked it's kind of good it's just kind of like whatever you know i stopped

worrying about it weeks ago because i knew it's over it's a wrap it's a wrap but at least we've got this mj documentary which did a 12.6 in chicago so that means uh almost 13 percent of all that seems low to me to be honest in chicago i thought it would be like a 60 or something yeah what were you watching if you're in chicago if you're a bulls fan what were you watching last night other what were the other 80 of people watching 85 that's crazy so that means uh so let me see that means nationally uh yeah i mean i don't even see it nationally but i'll be honest that was a uh so let's put to put it in perspective uh the 8-8 Bears averaged a 26 in Chicago.

So sports still reigns. I mean, this is sports, though. I can't believe that if you're a sports fan, 26% of people are watching the Bears, and there's nothing else on. I can't believe they weren't watching MJ. But I guess that just goes to show that sports is – and I guess there are still people out there who don't have cable. A lot of people said that to me.

They were like, well, you've got to take into effect that it's cable. Like who doesn't have ESPN right now? I feel like even people who don't have cable have ESPN Plus now or YouTube TV. Like both those things have ESPN as far as I know. I guess. But if you can't watch ESPN on some sort of way, like go outside, get coronavirus, and die because this world has passed you by uh I loved what I loved about the the first the first episode I thought was very

I mean it's the first episode of 10 it was setting the scene I didn't think it was like I personally if I was the doc if I was the producer or whatever I think I would have come in a little hot like I think I would have had a totally untold story or whatever, but whatever it set the scene. And I think overall, both episodes did a good job of, of telling a lot of things that like were either not known forgotten or not known to the full extent.

Like I knew that Scottie Pippen had a bad contract. I remember that like from my own memories, but I didn't know it was like screaming at him on the bus and everybody clowning him i knew there was trouble in paradise i didn't know it was like we all hate this guy and we've hated him for i mean think about how much like it's been what a a couple years of of patriots like dissension rumors yeah the bulls did it for like a whole dynasty the whole time it was like, fuck this guy. Dude, that was the craziest thing to me.

There was so much. I don't remember Michael Jordan, really. I wasn't a huge basketball fan, and I was not. So it was like, not at the time of this season. Right. So it wasn't, maybe I was set eight, whatever I was, right? But, like, it wasn't my focal point. I liked Michael Jordan.

I knew who he was, of course. You know the dunks, you know the commercials. You don? But, like, it wasn't my focal point. I liked Michael Jordan. I knew who he was, of course. You know the dunks. You know the commercials. You don't know, like, the ins and outs, though. I didn't know Scottie Pippen had a bad contract. I did not know who Jerry Krause was. I did not know he was so despised. Everything about it, I thought the first episode was better.

I thought the first episode was better. Holy shit, to me. But the stunning, stunning part of it, to me, was just watching Michael Jordan run the team from the podium. Yeah. That shit was – he was just – he wasn't saying vague things that, you know, sports radio would decipher the next morning. Michael Jordan was like, this is my team. This is my championship. I have the right to defend it.

I will not play for anyone but Cody. Like, that never happened great it was great that everyone was like yeah i mean this makes total sense like you are the bread dude you are that fucking guy so it should be your team that was insane imagine the patriots won the super bowl this year like you can't lose break you can't let brady go because if they did uh they won last year right yeah yeah so yeah it have been – you can't go back-to-back Super Bowls. The Patriots won the Super Bowl this year? No, this past year.

The year before. Okay. All right. No, they didn't, John. If they had won this year, you can't – like Brady can't leave. You can't – it's – you have – what are you talking about rebuilding a team? You won back-to-back champions and you have the GOAT. What are you talking about?

And he wanted to stay. If like in this situation Brady – like Brady was the one who wanted to leave. It's like, all right, we got to move on. Jordan was like, here's what I want. Here's where I want to be.

And, and fat fucking toad, Jerry Krause was like, no, I don't want to do that. Like, how did he not? He's so lucky that he was in the era he was in.

Cause it's true. I know. That's what I said last night. Like he, if, if, if he was in. I know. That's what I said last night. If he was still alive, he would be hanging from a fucking closet this morning. If he could find a rope strong enough for that fat fucking no neck of his.

Like fucking Frank Ramos. Don't try to stop me! I mean, that was as bad as it gets. That was... I said that that documentary went worse for him than the Jinx went for Robert Durst. And the Jinx put Robert Durst in jail for life. I would rather be him than Jerry Krause after that one. He was so hated that, like, usually when someone's dead, you at least preface something with, like, not to speak ill of the dead. Or, like, your guy wasn't bad.

In retrospect, whatever. And I'm not saying you have to do that. But, like, that's just how you do it. And everyone's still like, fuck that guy. I fucking hate him. I'm glad he's dead. I hope his family's watching this. I hope his wife's dead, too.

It was just, he despised that man i mean he was the uh inspiration for the the monstars right was that true i know people were comparing it to him i didn't know if it was like the main thing yeah i don't know if it's it's been said but like once i saw who jerry krause was i was like oh yeah that's the dude from space jam who was a fucking scumbag the uh the amount of jokes that were just constantly going his way. But what's funny is he was a fucking awesome GM. Awesome. And I know everyone wants to cry for Scottie Pippen.

Like, Scottie Pippen signed that contract. Scottie Pippen was poor as fuck. Scottie Pippen saw a $20 million deal, took it because he said, like, him and his family needed it. And I'm sure his agent didn't want him to do it. I'm sure after the fact, he was like, oh, fuck, what have I done? But that's, those are the breaks. Like Anthony Rizzo signed that contract with the Cubs. That wasn't a good idea. Sometimes that happens. And everybody pointing out Jordan saying he was, that Scottie was selfish like I mean that quote I'm not fucking up my summer it's an all-timer it's it's it's one of the greatest quotes of sports history it's one

of the greatest quotes in human history in male time history I I love everything about it but Jordan from his point of view is is right to be like, well, I mean, you fucked up our season now, dude. Like, that sucks. But Scotty Pippen's right. Look, it's on a much smaller scale. But I think of it like I get sick on a weekend. I'm taking the Monday. I earn. Someone's paying for this sickness.

And it's the company's dime who's going to do it. I lost my Saturday and Sunday. I'm taking a Monday and Tuesday then. Okay? It's a fucking thing. And it's like, who hasn't done that? We've been like, look, I'm going to have a good time. There was an injury that's supposed to fuck up my summer, and it's just not happening.

I'm going to take my summer, and then you're going to do it. I'm fucking up your Monday. Yeah. And you get what you pay for. If he was better compensated, maybe he would have gone above and beyond. I totally understand Scotty's point of view, but I also understand Michael's point of view being like, well, you know, now we're fucking losing to start the season, and this is – especially when it's like this is our last ride.

This is it. To be like, all right, well, I'll join you in like fucking january february it's like wow that's not gonna work dude and also i don't think people realize when you look at michael's contract very similar michael was like one million two million two and a half three three and a half thirty so you know he kind of did the same thing where it was like you're you'll get your big payday when the time comes which is eventually what happened to scotty pippen it's just that he did it with the blazers and the rockets the bulls got i mean the bulls probably got more bang for their buck than any player any contract ever all things considered well i mean like you could do that you could do that shit with any contract it feels like like. Like, any – like, Steph was, like – wasn't Steph for a while, like, the sixth-highest played player in the world?

When you, like, come on the scene – it happens all the time in baseball. I mean, you know, guys – Pete Alonzo hit 53 home runs. He's making half a million dollars. It's just, like, that's how it goes. But I think the problem was that, like – That was, I think, very similar to Scottie's, where it was, like, Steph got and was like had uncertainty was like i might as well take the deal and that's why i think steph just got his big contract last year yeah mother is two-time final or two-time mvp three finals three championships and like finally he gets big history and he was making like i i don't think he was

making starter nba money yeah i. I mean, it's weird. It's quirky. It happens. But also at the end of the day, it's like, Scottie signed that. It wasn't like, you know, they didn't like trick him. It was just like, here's a contract. Like, let's hope he signs it. And then he did.

And then, I mean, yeah, I guess you could say people should have renegotiated. But I don't know. It's just like, guess what all that extra money went to? It went to fucking Dennis Rodman and Tony Kukoc and Ron Harper, and then you had a dynasty, and then you probably made more money being like a part of the dynasty bulls. I'm not crying for Scottie Pippen, you know what I mean? It reminds me too of – it's Edelman-esque.

I think Edelman maybe like 2013 was a free agent something like that i forget exactly what year and um i don't know like you know he hasn't told us that this is what his thought process was but like i think that 49ers offered him a contract more money than the patriots but edelman could do so much else in new england edelman can't go to fucking san francisco and sell children's books right i can't go to san San Francisco and sell children's books. Edelman can't go to San Francisco and get modeling gigs through Giselle. He's a god. The only side money you can make just by being surrounded by greatness or being part of greatness.

I can understand when you are the clear-cut number two. And, I mean, arguably, he probably might have been the second best player in the NBA based on his skills and shit and not getting the respect. I get that. But also, to be like what? You would rather be on the Bucs getting $15 million a year than be a part of the Incredibles? Those scenes of them going to Paris and being the fucking Beatles and shit like that. You can put a price tag on that shit.

That's, that's worth less money in the price tags, $13 million, but you could, but I think if you put a lot of that in there, I think that he added, I think he had the pippin shoes because of being on the bowls. I think that there was a lot of things that probably added up that I personally would rather be a part of like a fucking dynasty than just like wasting away elsewhere.

But, you know, sign me up for the fucking traveling cocaine circus you know what I mean that was what were your highlights of the show my highlights um traveling cocaine circus I think was the biggest eye-opener for me because it makes sense that Jordan was not like a party guy because he had to be busy becoming the greatest of all time but I definitely didn't think of him as like the goody two-shoes who the team felt like they couldn't trust like we're like he's just leave him on his own now I thought that was very surprising so I think that I don't want to say that was a highlight but it was more just like that was that was he was a gambler and drunk but I don't know at that point I don't know if he was oh really

well I mean I don't know I guess because it's that was the traveling cocaine circus was like the 80s that was when he was a rookie I think and and he said like from he left that room because he was like if this place gets raided and I get in trouble it sounds like when you're in college you don't get caught by the RA

and it's like you're not like you're not in with the cool crowd he didn't like narc on them but i didn't knowing that he eventually becomes this like gambling womanizing drum drinking cigars you know i i was surprised to hear but that also makes sense that at that point he was like i gotta go become the greatest of all time, so I'm not fucking around. The alcohol, for some reason to me, was so fucking funny. I think he went out of his way to not have it sponsored. I don't want people to know I just like drinking. You could very easy pop a bottle of Maker's Mark right there, probably a couple million bucks for an advertisement deal.

He's like, no, no, no no i just want a full glass of whiskey yeah yeah like like he was watching a producer pour he's like heavier heavier no heavier i don't think i've ever seen a pour like that of whiskey i mean it's like yeah i was drinking a glass of wine watching it i gave gave the wine to my brother. I was like, I'm going to whiskey. I got to be like Mike. Well, I don't think he really was like overly eager to do the documentary. Did you hear he finally agreed to do this when LeBron won his Cleveland title? Like, all right, we got to remind the people. Not just when he won it. On parade day.

Right, right. We saw the adulation yeah and he's like oh wait no no no yeah so i think it was like all right i gotta do this like we're gonna say we're gonna go through like some shit i don't want to go through fill it up let's go you can see it's also funny too because the continuity yeah he's drinking it oh yeah being drank while he sits there it goes down it pops back up depending on where they were it is not just a decoration michael scott michael scott michael jordan is drinking scotch or whiskey i couldn't really tell i think it's a whiskey i think it's whatever i

don't know if that's the reason i mean maybe it's the the the late life drinking cigars gambling the red eyes are fucking weird it It's fucking weird, man. I mean, he looks like he just stepped out of a fucking cigar room, like passing blunt cypher hot box in the car. He looks ridiculous with those eyes. It's crazy. I don't know. Has anybody ever really, like, I know people notice it, but is there a fucking explanation why he looks like that?

What's going on? I would think the Jerry Krause stuff was good. MJ parking his car might have been a little bit... Aside from, I'm not going to fuck my summer up, I mean, Michael didn't... I don't know if he parked his car. I think he just rolled out of it.

Someone should care of this. You know what I liked? And Dave disagreed with me on this. I totally... I don't know why. The fact that he was playing golf with Danny Ainge in the middle of a playoff series was on load management when he broke his foot and the Bulls were tanking for a draft pick. Like all that shit that people say today, like, oh, the old NBA would never do that.

They were doing all that. So fuck off. And Dave's point was that the lakers the the celtics and the bulls weren't true rivals so they can play golf like yeah they weren't like blood rivals but if anybody was playing golf right now in the middle of a playoff series it would be like oh not not my old nba and it's like yeah all your old nba dude they were all doing that shit one one one thousand percent yeah i was stunned when I saw that. And he fucked up.

Fuck up. Everybody's gonna stay forever. Michael was like, I was trying to get in Danny. Sure, maybe you were, but you're playing golf with a guy. Yeah. While I'm here, maybe I can do that. But, yeah, we're gonna play some golf. We're gonna hang out. Whatever.

So, I like that. And then, yeah, the Jerry Krause shit was just like,'re going to hang out, like whatever. So I like that. And then, yeah, the Jerry Krause shit was just like, you know what I didn't like about it? And I thought this was similar to the Aaron Hernandez doc. I don't know if I like the bouncing around. Like I guess if it's called The Last Dance and it's focusing on the very end of it and then you go back to tell the story. But they did the same thing where they show the timeline and it just they you know i could i could keep up with it but it just felt like a little bit convoluted to do it that way but i think it the same way the well the hernandez one bothered me because i knew the timeline

and i was like i don't fucking like yeah yeah you're jumbling up this one i don't know so i appreciate it right and there's a lot to cover and a lot to get into so how about this the the article i read said that isaiah thomas comes out of this documentary looking the worst which like jerry kraus has set the bar really really fucking high so isaiah and the pistons must be like and that's also got to be you know if you're doing a doc and michael jordan has to green light it he probably is also like and when we talk about the pistons we're gonna make them look like little bitches okay yeah let's do that you know there's probably gonna be some skewing there but uh off to a very hot start and i'm wondering it's still too early to tell but do you think that like the lebron and kobe stans of the world will use this like we'll we'll be like oh shit i

was you think that this is it's capable for anyone to be like oh wow i was wrong no i live in the world i don't know people will just dig their heels and like you just mentioned between the golf and the broken ankle and the tanking people use that to say mj did what lebron did and what people are doing and like i mean stuff is fair too like lebron was on lebron make his super team thinking people will use that to say MJ did what LeBron did and what people think of LeBron for doing. And, like, I mean, stuff is fair, too. Like, LeBron was on – LeBron made his super team, but MJ was on a super team. Yeah.

It just came together differently. Like, yeah, Scottie Pippen took a stupid contract. It allowed them to get other superstars. It wasn't the same as the decision, but that's how these things fucking happen. The only thing I think is interesting is there was a couple people, a couple athletes on Twitter last night being like, oh shit, I didn't know this. Some people saying I didn't know Jordan could jump like that.

What? I mean, you're going to be... There's a lot of shit for you to see then if you didn't know that Jordan could jump. He has a multi-billion dollar speaker line called Air Jordan. Air Jordan. Dude could fucking fly. Yeah, so I think as it goes on people are going to be like oh this is kind of undeniable um but i i think the big the big uh

like the big picture thing i think you could take away from episodes one and two was that scotty pippen is probably the greatest the greatest sidekick the greatest two-man uh ever in sports uh you can make that argument. So today for KSU Radio Top 5 Tuesdays, we're going to be doing the best sidekicks ever. It's brought to you by New Amsterdam and Pink Whitney. Pop this open. Take a poll right now. I like how we record later on quarantine.

You're always drinking during it. I know. I'm liking this lifestyle. And this is the difference, though. A man, I'm like, I'm going to have my pink cocktail now. Jordan's going to have his whiskey. I'm going to have my pink cocktail. It's a delicious pink cocktail.

Mine's over there. I got to go exercise. I'm not going to promote it because it's going to be on tomorrow, but we're doing Shutter Island tonight with Marty. I'm very excited about that. Oh, boy. Martin is special right now. Marty in quarantine.

We're taking Marty to a whole new level that I didn't even know existed in quarantine. But anyway, the New Amsterdam Pink Whitney, it's been the official drink of Friday Night Pints, of social distancing, now KFC Radio. I mean, obviously, no one's ever going to – it's always going to be a spit and chiclets product, but I feel like they are showing just as much support to us. So I ask that all the KFC Radio fans show it right back, get yourself some New Amsterdam, get yourself some King Whitney, get the nips that our girl Alyssa had.

Those nips are awesome. Any way you can get it, drink it. What did you say? I would say I go outside once a week and still like the store. Always make sure I pick up a bottle of pink. So grab that. And if you're not into the flavored stuff, you want just regular vodka, New Amsterdam is some of the most affordable, smoothest on the market.

So everybody who's down with chiclets, KFC Radio, Barstool, and just good vodka, good times, especially while we're locked down, get yourself some Pink Whitney. Top five sidekicks. I'm going to baby root this. I'm going to call my shot. I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Really? I'm not overly confident, although the competitor in me now says fucking bring it on.

But the problem with this is it's so broad. Like you can do sports, you can do entertainment, you can do life, you can do whatever, that inevitably 10 between us, there's going to be a ton left on the table. Yeah. So I also didn't really do that much homework, so whatever. So all right, Babe Ruth. Let's go then. Number one.

Chicken kickers. Chicken kickers? Yeah. The buffalo chicken kicker from Domino's. Side kick. You always get yourself chicken kickers. I like that. And it's got kick in it.

That's a great side kick. That's a great sidekick. It's a literal sidekick. Okay. That's number one. No one orders a Domino's pizza without throwing in some chicken kickers. I would... I don't think I've ever done that. You're right. That should be like a combo. I don't know why it's not.

It's on the $5.99 menu. Okay. That makes sense. All right. You can get some medium pizza and a couple of kickies for $11. Not bad. Not bad at all. I was going to save this for my last pick, but I think because you decided to be a motherfucker and try to go with a literal sidekick, I'm going to go with a literal sidekick, and I'm picking the phone.

The sidekick. The sidekick and i'm picking the phone the sidekick the sidekick phone that phone's stuck at the time that's that phone was fucking fire the flip open the screen the fucking uh did you have one of those at the time no and i was so jealous i didn't i wanted it if you saw a girl with a sidekick you know that girl would fucking fight you and kick your ass. Yeah. I loved it. Sidekicks were for garbage people who were not to be trifled with. Sidekicks were for hot fucking Puerto Ricans whose nails would go – and they would type on them, right?

I'm listening to Casey type on her iPhone now. And with an attitude, they're like – you could hear their teeth going and their nails clicking. And it was like, oh, somebody's baby daddy's in fucking trouble. Dude, a sidekick might as well have been a fucking swastika armband. You see that shit and run. That's a dangerous person. I don't like the Nazi comparison. I like the idea that it was dangerous and a little bit

scary and not to be trifled with i don't think it was full-blown third reich but that phone more so than any phone ever in history it has a connotation that that phone sent a message it's like when you go out and you order your drink what you drink sends a message about you right when the sidekick sent a message about you and it was get the fuck away from me or I might hurt you. Yes. The next tell was the guineas and the guidos and the Nokia was the fucking...

That was like... You're from England if you have a Nokia. And then the sidekick was like, oh, that's a bad bitch. She probably has a razor blade under her tongue and a nameplate necklace and all that shit. Watch out. Sidekicks were fucking. You were a sidekick user. You scared the shit out of me to this day.

Right. If you, if you like that, like, I don't know of any red flags or someone could say on a first date. Someone's like, I had a sidekick back in the day. Out.

God. I'm out. I don't know. I don't know. I can't be alone with you. Therefore, I can't date you. Number two pick.

Number two pick. Shout out to the beginning of this episode mr jim brooke oh solid very solid fuck that's good you want you you knew what you were doing here huh yeah i mean that's that's the ultimate robin to a batman there that guy edgar brooks no one without jim's dick remember that that is because it was such a long dick it was skinny but it was long and it was like that's a i mean i know that dick i could pick that dick out of a lineup i know that dick better than i know my own dick you could show me a mishmash of of 10 dicks and i would pick out Jim Brooks dick before I pick out my dick.

That's it. Unbelievable. Fuck. All right. All right. I got to dig deep here then. I got to come up with something. I mean, I have going to go relatively recent A guy that I think in his prime Would have been Really high on my list I think the way it ended kind of ruined things But I'm going with Bron from Game of Thrones Bron and Dinklage

When they were rolling Money talks Cash rules He was for hire, he was a mercenary with Bron from Game of Thrones. Bron and Dinklage, when they were rolling together. Bron's a great one. Money talks, cash rules. He was for hire. He was a mercenary. It's funny because it was like he only cared about himself, but ended up being like Tyrion's boy. He ended up being Jaime's boy.

Like he was all about himself, but always had the other guy to the side of him, which is the best kind of sidekick to be. It's like you're not someone's bitch. He was like for himself, but he was always the second banana. So I'm going Braun Game of Thrones. All right. Three, Philip Prichard, a.k.a. the keeper of the cup, the white-gloved dude who carries a Stanley Cup.

I almost should wave the flag. I mean, fuck. That's so good. He's a sidekick to an inanimate object. Yeah. Shit. Yo, I remember this vividly. So we had, obviously, that fateful night with the Blackhawks when we were out,

and I did not wake up to the kickoff. Oh, no. Actually, since we're right here, I'm sitting right next to Stanley Cup. He's not in it, but there we are. Me, Big Cat, Keith, and Sharp. But the – it was – the Cup has a curfew, little known fact. I believe it's 11 p.m. Maybe it's 1 a.m. I forget. I think there was a 1 in it, though.

Well, there's a 1 in pretty much every number um when you get to the late night aspect pretty much the whole night has a one in it um but the uh the um it was it has a curfew so like he'll be sitting like in a booth at the club with the cup and then it's like 11 p.m bedtime and he gets up and walks out of the club with the Stanley Cup. Fucking hilarious. I'm surprised to see – I mean, I feel like you hear about so many things being done with the Cup that I'm surprised that it's like we got to get this thing home. I think a lot of that happens, and maybe the rules are different on when the players get their day with the cup. Like I forget what player it is, but someone dropped it in the lake while fishing, and that happened like on their day with the cup rather than like when the cup's with the whole team on the championship parade. Right, right, right, right.

All right. Man, the bar is really just so fucking high right now. I don't think I can even come with something that's going to really – I'm going to go into the movies. I'm going to dive into the movies world right now. And I think when you think about this guy, he's one of the most recognizable people ever in movie history. Mini-me. Mini-me is a good one. Mini-me.

Mini-me's a good one. I mean, find me a person who doesn't know Dr. Evil, Mini-me. Like if you show a picture of him to anybody from the past 20, 30, whatever years,

they're going to know who he is. Vern Troyer, that picture of him carrying the fucking frozen turkey is all time. I think, is he dead? I believe he's dead. He is. RIP to the homie Vern Troyer. Mini-Me is an all-time legend.

I mean, he's as close to an alien as a human will ever get. And he probably lived a short life, but goddamn was it full. And being a, I mean, he was like, he was, I mean, he was like this big. He was like a fucking gnome. There's a picture of him eating a fucking, I believe it's a Subway sub. And it's bigger than him. It's just bigger than him, straight up. And like the scene where he pretends to be bouncing on his dick with a tripod.

So funny. So, you know, there's a lot of movie sidekicks but that guy he is good he's one of a fucking kind in the movie sidekick vein i'd like to address goose not being on my list goose was a good sidekick nice guy great character i don't know i i don't know just goose doesn't make my top five okay that's fair i'm gonna address it it's not something i forgot i know about goose just get out in front of it. Right. Number four, a shot of pickle juice.

You think it's disgusting? A shot of pickle juice is a fucking nice pickle back shot. It's delightful. Love pickle back shot. I mean, the pickle juice, the pickle shot is the greatest chaser of all time. 100%. I mean, it erases the greatest chaser of all time. 100%. I mean, it erases the flavor in your mouth. Yeah.

You have to be Jameson. If you ever eat something you don't like, if you ever take medicine, whatever it is, you can do orange juice. You can do the lime and the salt. You can drink whatever you got on hand. It always is kind of still on your tongue. You do the pickle juice. You taste pickle juice and nothing else.

That's it. If you want to break it down really what a sidekick is, a shot of pickle juice probably deserves to be number one. If you want – it's a guy who gets you out of a tight spot, a guy who's going to be there for you no matter what. A pickle juice, your mouth will never sway if you get a shot of pickle juice with it. Your list is fucking good, man. I mean, if I'm going to Babe Ruth it, I got to have a good list.

Yeah, you knew what you were – I mean, my list is just like a normal list. You really fucking went above and beyond. You really thought outside the box on this shit. This is my fourth pick? Mm-hmm. All right. I'm going to go. There's got to be somebody in, like, sports broadcasting,

but I can't think of it. I mean, there's so many good people. On broadcasting, we talk about this a lot. I don't really know who sports broadcasters are. There was that meme that went around yesterday with, like, how dare you be mean to Uncle Vern. I do know Vern Lundquist. I like Vern Lundquist.

But the 99% of commentators to me are just background but mike and the mad dog different situation ah okay so i'm gonna i'm gonna have to give it to mad dog i would say that they were like you know partners at a at a point but francesa went on to kind of, you know, continue to grow without him. So Doggy is – sidekick almost sounds pejorative at times. Like it kind of is like a bad connotation in a sense. But Dog is – I mean, he's a legend in his own right. So I got to put that in there because if I don't mention that, that would be terrible. So Mad Dog, my fourth pick.

My number five is Scrappy-Doo. I love Scrappy-Doo. Scrappy-Doo is a fucking – he's a great sidekick. Scrappy-Doo is – that's the best one on your fucking list. Scrappy-Doo, if you could make that real life, Scrappy-Doo would be like the little guy who's like running around fucking girls at the party and doing coke and getting arrested, running from the cops. He's just like, bam, bam! Oh, man, that's fucking funny. Wow.

I don't think if you didn't bring that up, there was a chance that I never thought about the word scrappy do again in my life. That could have been it. I would have never considered scrappy do ever in my brain again. All right. My last pick. You, you fucking mutt. No, that just popped in my head. Actually, a guy who I think deserves a lot of credit, dude who's been on this show before, Chris Bosh. Chris Bosh was like a third guy who was fucking awesome and never said a goddamn word, never was a problem. So I think if you go in sports, Chris bosh is maybe the most underappreciated ever that it took a lot of heat any any guy who could stand withstand that kind of heat

who just fucking constantly being compared to a raptor there's never been a more apt gift for a person than bosh with all he withstood just getting that confetti stuck in his face and mouth that's one of the funniest gifts I've ever seen in my life. Between that and champagne, possible. I know. The fucking champagne was tough too. The Bostrich. And he was a Hall of Famer.

Rings left and right. Great sidekick to Cole. He saved his life. That's right. By getting blood clots. He saved Cole's life. Sidekick. The butterfly effect on that one, folks. If you like

Coley Mick and Mick State, you better be a Bostridge fan. All right, so that's our top five Tuesdays. Let us know what you want next week, and we'll keep rolling out the list every single week, especially while we're here, trapped down in quarantine because there's nothing to do but think

about all your favorite movies, all your favorite old school shit because we are locked down for the foreseeable future. We do have to talk about the people who are – I knew this was going to happen. I didn't know when it was going to happen. The time is here. People are fed up. People are ready to break back out, and now we've got the anti-lockdown protesters going on. Me, I'm happy being at home.

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you'll get $7 off your first order of 10 or more. So think about it. If you're living by yourself and you want to get a cup of coffee and breakfast for like 10 bucks and you get $7 off, you're basically getting that shit for free. So stay in and save. Hashtag stay in and save. Use Grubhub. Use the promo code KFCRADIO. Check out Supper for support. And make sure you stay in and stay safe. The anti-lockdown people are out.

And I actually went back and I looked at my tweets. Remember that like day two of quarantine? The Washington Post did that simulation with the balls bouncing around to show it's awesome. It was like the best, the best to date, the best Corona material I've seen. It was this simulation that shows how a virus spreads and it had balls bouncing around in a,

in a box. And it was like, here are the healthy ones. Here are the disease ones. And they bounce into each other and you know, everybody gets the disease. And then it shows like, here's what it's like when you social it shows like here's what it's like when you social distance and here's what it's like when you don't social distance oh this is the ohio one ohio had a great one very recently

where it was like um it was a bunch of uh mouse traps yes long ball yes on it and then it was like a bunch of spread apart and it was great it was great. There's also the match one where the match steps on the line. There's some good ones. So this was showing a simulation of a quarantine as well. So in this square, they had a portion blocked off. And everyone inside the quarantine stayed healthy. And they were showing how quarantine works. But the problem with the quarantine, and this was more forced, like lockdowns,

like martial law type shit where you're not allowed to come out, as opposed to people just agreeing to do it on their own terms, is that eventually it's not realistic. People break out, they leave their homes, they don't listen. And it shows like, all right, you're good, you're good, you're good, you're good. And then the quarantine opens up and it just starts right the fuck back over. And I don't think people understand that you think you want to be outside the most, but you're jeopardizing it the most by setting us so far back.

Like Kentucky did their protest the other day, and then they had the highest spike in cases. It's not fucking coincidence. And what I think really drives me crazy about the protest, because I'm actually somewhere in the middle now. I know that I've been the like one of the loudest mouths about stay inside. But part of me is starting to understand that, like, well, you can't develop any sort of immunity by just hiding forever. And the economy will like be super fucked if it just goes on forever.

So I don't know what the answer is. But I think what drives me the craziest is these are not the people who have – like if you are, I have to go to work. I don't care. I'm going to die without food, without money. So I have to go to work. Those people are just going to work. They're not going outside and protesting. If you have the time to sit there in the middle of the fucking day and protest, that means you have the time to sit your ass inside as well.

So if you told me that we were setting back this whole process because some minimum wage workers were like, I got to go make money for my kids, I'd be like, yeah, I don't know. That's a rock and a hard place. That's a really tough spot, and I'm not going to begrudge you for that. But when you tell me that it's like these fucking dumb hicks in Kentucky chanting about the Constitution who are now setting us back? Well, fuck off. Today is Saturday! We're supposed to have a big sale at the ground

ground! It's Burger Tuesday! Are you taking away my sale of liberty? The one chick, she was like, I should be outside. Look at my roots. I should be able to go to the salon.

Like, no, that's not what fucking matters. And also, by the way, I got my biggest bone to pick, my biggest gripe. It's with the people who can't handle their hair. Everyone's shaving their heads and cutting their own hair after five weeks, looking like a bunch of fucking assholes. What's going on? It hasn't been that long. The hair's crazy to me. Where are you going? You're not

going anywhere. What do you need to cut your hair for? Everyone in the world has always had that one thought one time. I wonder what happens if I grow my hair out. Fucking find out. Do it. Try it. Find out right now. And if you care so much, it doesn't match up to me like you're thinking about your hair so much that you that means you care about it right right and

you're willing to fucking butcher it by yourself what because guess what it's not gonna come out good you don't know what you're doing i this this whole thing is so fucking awesome to me where it's just like all these people. And also, let's be fair here. It is. There are like 100 people at these protests. And like there are. That's all it takes, man.

It's like a couple of people went outside and there was 275 new cases in Kentucky because it's just like, you know, it spreads. So, yes, you're right. But the problem is that a few people can fuck this up for everybody. Yeah. Well, I mean, not if we stay in, though. Like, okay, you got sick now. Congratulations. You are – you have – you've achieved your constitutional right to get sick if you want to.

Good job. Go into quarantine for 14 days now. But, like, it is – it's just – there's – again, I'm with you in the sense like i am like well like i don't know when does it end like right i'm gonna go storm the fucking state house but i i also i do see i see both sides of it i'm gonna be a little pussy and just sit my ass right on the fence and the guys out there like it's almost flag day how am i supposed to get my american fly underpants if i can't go to the mall yeah yeah i mean it's really putting on display the fucking morons and i get that there's a difference too like we were talking on the rundown and dave was like what are these people protesting there's no one on the other side we're all miserable to be at home and i think it's much

more about like like government power and shit like that like they're now telling you if you can go inside and or not i think that there's a concern of like where does this stop and when we resume like what else can they tell us to do all out of that shit which i think kind of gets a little tinfoil hat a little bit conspiracy but also is kind of important to remember that like the government wants. And if they can take it, they probably will. So I think that's more what the protests are about, not just, like, that the rest of us are like, no, let's stay inside because it's awesome. Like, yeah, we all think it sucks. But it's more about can they tell you what to do and all that shit.

It's all so fucking stupid and politicized like everything is. These people are – at these protests, as you'd imagine, Trump flags, pretty probably. They're pretty out there. And it's a guy who last week said he has absolute authority and his power is absolute. So you're fucking – you're protesting government power while the president is the king. I would have said he's king. Yeah. It doesn't make any fucking sense and again for for not a good enough reason just not good enough for me

if you are like working the docks and you're just like well i didn't have any food so i needed money or i was gonna die i get it for you to go to your beach in florida for you to go to your fucking barbecue do you get your roots done you dumb bitch bitch. No, I don't fucking care about that. So stop. And again, usually I'm like, go ahead, do whatever you want. Go fucking kill yourself. But when it fucks with everybody else and their ability to get, like, I would be the most mad if I was a person who was out of work. Cause I'd be like the sooner this fucking ends, which will hopefully presumably happen if we all follow the rules. But don't know that's right i do think that it's like i think the only thing would be a vaccine right yeah and that's like 18 months 12 months away whatever so like well we can we i don't know that's that's where it sounds a little unrealistic to me but i certainly know that running back out there and just fucking protesting is not protesting

doesn't do shit man so uh fuck off i think protesting does a lot but i just think this isn't very successful right now i think i think i think in a light of fire in people's asses and maybe government finds out a way to get some people back i think that i think protesting does have an effect i just i just effect. I just disagree with this. I wonder if there was a lot of protests around the world that got shut down because of this

that maybe if Occupy Wall Street was going on right now, what would have happened? Would they have just been like, all right, we're going inside? Or would they have just kept protesting? They were already kind of doing something, not illegal, but they were already unrest. I wonder if they would have just been like, all right, we're going inside. Or they have just like kept protesting. They were already kind of doing something, not illegal, but they were already like unrest. I wonder if they would have just powered through it. But I wonder if this can even gain enough steam where it's like we have to address it or if it's just like, no, you guys are idiots.

Hopefully they just kill themselves off. They're dead. It also is funny. All these people look like the people who all look like preppers. They all have the masks and the guns and stuff. It's like the kind of guy who while he's giving you a tour of the house, be like, down here, this is the fucking

this is in case the world goes to shit. They're at Apocalypse. We got enough food and water down here to last for 18 months. His wife's like, i need my fucking roots done yo that is was pretty funny though like when you think about it kind of what you just said about like who they represent and what they're arguing like the same people telling you know who are like anti-abortion are now like you can't tell me what to do with with my body in

my time like if i want to go outside i can it's like well you can't you can't it's not a government mandated lockdown it's just it's like hey guys help us out there's no one like you're not allowed to go outside everyone can go outside yeah i guess that there are places where they're like shutting down gatherings and shit like that right so that's probably places where they're like shutting down gatherings and shit like that, right? So that's probably more what they're referring to is like their ability to like have their fucking, I don't know, barbecue or something. Yeah, your fucking second year, your two-year-old's birthday. You can't have dinner. Or I don't know.

Maybe you fucking can. I don't – you just have it in your house. Well, all right. So how about this? People seem to be a very, like, lightning rod issue seems to be this fucking skate park with the goddamn sand. People are, like, up in arms about that. I think we can stop skateboarding for a little while, guys. I really don't think that's at the high list of priority here. And then they just start, what, uh, what's it called?

Dirt biking in it. Like, did they really? Yeah. Well, two guys, you know, not like a bunch of people,

but two dudes showed up and they're fucking using it as ramps and shit. And it's like, well, all right. You know, then you guys can, those guys can go kill themselves, but,

or go get sick. But the, like, I can't believe that this, the amount of shit I saw about the skate park was like – again, I really – I'm coming around, and I'm starting to realize that like you can't – this is not the best system. But it's not because of skateboarding. It's not because of your fucking skate park, you dumb assholes. You broke up a lot for me there, so I'm going to disagree with what you said.

Let's go into our voicemails. And then we got our guest Hank Azaria back on the show today talking about the final season of Brockmire, his quarantine experience, and fucking TV shows that deserve more credit and more viewers that don't get it. So we'll get into that in a little bit. But first, our voicemails are brought to you by Roman. Roman's out here doing God's work, not only by helping with COVID, but helping out guys when it comes to getting their fuck on. If you're trying to fuck better, nowhere better to go than Roman

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very much that whenever she talks to him, however she speaks to people, she is regular. So would you rather have that kind of girl who is always using like her high pitched baby voice when she's talking to you, but like a normal person she's talking to like you and multiple people, or would you rather have a girl who's a hundred percent of the time monotone? Like if you give a joke, it's very much just like very monotone. Like, if you get the joke, it's very much just, like, very monotone. Like, a ha-ha, so you never know what she's really thinking. You never really get

satisfaction of, like, the actual laugh or whatever. So... Okay, so the chick who she's talking about, Jessica, is... She was, like, the biggest... Not loser. Like like she's not a loser but she was the loser of the show everyone was like oh god jessica she's a drunk and she's a mess

and she would do this thing she'd be like hi b and she would get all high pitched actually i got it she's the girl who i booked a cameo for kelly martin for and and doing the cameo she had the epiphany her dog ran over and she was like, oh, how are you doing? And she was like, oh, wait a minute. It's just my puppy voice. I'm just doing my doggy voice, which I think everybody has one of those. Yeah, I'm surprised I took an epiphany. Everyone knows that's your dog voice.

So she was just doing her dog voice with her man. It was very obvious, though. People were like like your voices are weird um so he would rather that or because that would be pretty embarrassing if you if that's in public and it's like schmoopy schmoopy that's not good or we're talking like daria from mtv like plain weird monotone no reaction no no nothing. This is a no-brainer for me, Daria. Like, without question.

I don't need you to laugh at my jokes. I don't need you to. Oh, I need that. I need that. Well, because guess what? I can't hear you anyway because I'm laughing too goddamn hard at them. When I tell a funny joke, I'm in hysterics laughing at John Fydenberg. Whether or not you're laughing doesn't

matter there was no i mean also i've dated darry before it was pretty awesome like i i dated girls like darry she didn't laugh she kind of just everything was fucking boom totally fine with it way better uh oh wait baby i i can't do that i can't do that i can't do it like i can do that in uh can you can you handle that in private yeah i mean the big x factor for me is is public none of it's great i don't care for the the schmoopy schmoopy stuff i think everybody i think everybody does this to an extent by the way i think like you know you always you have some pet names you have a little bit of a different tone you don't you know say the same thing. I don't think I do. You keep it totally the same?

And I don't stand for it, Kevin. I don't stand for baby voice and stuff. Well, I'm not saying baby voice, but if I'm hanging out with you and YP, I'll be like, yeah, what's up, you fat fucking dick? What are you doing? Why don't you take your fucking balls out? Let me see that ass. I'm like a total idiot with the guys where i won't do that it's more like my like maybe my

vocabulary or like stuff like that that will change i don't really change my voice but i think i think you're different you don't realize it no you don't change i'm not like absolutely not there's no chance there is but like i I definitely never code switch, if you will. I'm like, okay, time to start talking about this. And I don't allow it. I don't allow the code switching to happen to me either. If you start a code switch, I'm like, I don't fall in love with baby you. I love fucking regular you.

Be regular you. In fact, I have a line that I always say, and many times it's gotten me it. But anytime someone starts acting like like that or or even like they're overly needy i'm always like like you're an adult be a big girl oh you are a brave soul and it's never gonna stop it's it's it's like it's known it's like oh if i tell and it's honestly it's great because people are like oh i know if i if I go to – I know what John's going to say if I bring this to him, if I bring this issue. Yeah, you're an adult. You're an adult.

Be a big girl. Find yourself – the parking one is the worst one in the whole world to me. I hate it. Where should I park? I don't know. Fucking find a parking spot. Find a parking spot. I cannot stand that.

I don't care. Whatever. You want to do voices, fine. You want to – whatever. The, like, you're not capable of any, it's like, you have a fucking job. You graduated school. You were, you were alone for two. You were, you were single for many years before you met me. Like, what did you do for dinner? What did you do when the, when the delivery man called up and canceled and you didn't have, like, you figured

that out. You, You found a parking spot. You just figured things out with your boss. Why is it now all of a sudden I have to do everything? I hate that. You're an adult. Be a big girl. You've done that from fucking day one. Anybody you've ever been with.

And yes, you have been physically assaulted many times. But also- Wait, wait, wait. I'll make that trade every fucking time, Kevin. I'll take an occasional thwack. See, that's what you're good at too. I am so much, if I can put this off, I will. If I can put it off till tomorrow, great. If I can put it off till next week, amazing. If I can put it off till one more hour, fine. And it's just not right. It's just not the right mentality, because you

will end up having to coddle and talk and fix forever if you give them an inch. They take a fucking mile. There's a scene in the classic television program, New Girl. Actually, it's not a scene. It's a whole episode. And it's about girl fights versus guy fights.

And the girls are kind of bitchy and stewing and all that, and the guys just whack each other nuts. And they're like, we good? And it's like, we good. And when I go, you're adult, be a big girl. It's like, stop being a dick. Bam. I go, we good? We're both good. Right. I called you a baby.

You called me a dick. Now why don't you find your parking spot? Speaking of, did you see that tweet from me a dick. Now why don't you find your parking spot? Speaking of, did you see that tweet from Ellie over the weekend? I don't know. The difference between men and women is – Oh, yes, Kevin. I saw it. I disagree. Staggering.

Staggering. This tweet, and they put it on the chick's Instagram, so you know that it was getting engagement. They were like, oh, we're going to double down on this. Staggering. women are dicks but if we are we're like yep sorry was being a huge dick my bad versus men who are like moi own dick i would never i have never i am perfect you're crazy you fucking bitch and they put it on the chicks account and they said where's the lie the whole thing is the lie that's the lie. The whole thing where women will admit to being dicks and we don't is quite literally, literally the most incorrect assessment of the genders I've ever seen. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm pretty good.

I'm easy. Yeah, I fucked up. That was wrong of me. I enjoy admitting fault in a podcast. That's fun for me. Because it's like, oh,

fuck. I was wrong. Okay, my bad. I was wrong. Let's clear this up right away. I fucked up. That's on me. I get off on that.'m like hell yeah because guess what i found the key to the hidden temple and then inside the hidden temple is no more fighting yeah right but that's the thing and that's where like that's what it's always rooted in guys will always eventually just not want to fight and be like yeah yeah yeah you're

right like that's what that's always what i i who are what is going on who are these people who are enforcing that stereotype very very historically all men are like all right whatever yeah you're right i'm wrong let's just well i think there's a difference between being like whatever and when when doing that and being like look i fucked up yeah yeah that's true. And I think girls do it, but girls don't say they're fucked up. Girls say, I was hungry. Yeah. That too. That adds to the list to the previous conversation.

You are a grown adult. You are not allowed to be a raging asshole to someone because you have not fed yourself. That is what literally children do. Babies, you're like, ah, the baby won't stop crying Oh, I gotta feed it You're an adult, I shouldn't have to do that for you You want me to put a bottle in the microwave And plug your fucking mouth up?

How about you just make sure you eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner And not be an asshole to me I'm hangry, sorry, I was hangry It was like, pow! Oh, sorry, I haven't eaten since fucking... Sorry, baby. I was hungry.

Although, to be totally fair, I do it. But I also... In the process of it, I can feel myself starting to get hungry. And I'll be like, hang on. And also, what will you do? You'll take care of your own food. There I'll be like, hang on. I'm just like. And also, what will you do? You'll take care of your own food.

There I'll be like, can you water me some food? What if I wasn't here? Would you die? Would you actually die from starvation? That blew my mind to the point that I was like, am I just taking the bait? Is this like, are they laughing? Is this a joke? They're like, let's rile the men up and pretend that we actually admit when we're wrong.

Because it's maybe the most incorrect statement I've ever seen. Back to the voicemails. What's up, boys? I've got a little hypothetical for you. So this morning I woke up, sat up, had a big stretch like normal. And then right at the end of the stretch I sneezed. And that got me thinking, if you could pair two feelings together and have that feeling on command whenever you want, what two feelings would you pick? So I was thinking like an orgasm maybe with a sneeze or an orgasm with a stretch

or something along those lines. Just wanted to get your guys' thoughts. All right, B-Bell. Well, I think the number one draft pick is going to have to be Cumming, right? Sure, but it's like I'll take a good stretch over a Cum. Good stretch lasts way longer good good cum is like a fucking a cum is like a a cum is like a hershey kiss whereas a nice stretch like a snickers bar what are you talking about like your your back your leg like uh like right now just do it right now this This, in this very, oh, this is so good.

This is like already like six orgasms. You're making me yawn. Like, oh. Yeah, I mean, I get it. This is so much better than coming. This, oh, man, I'm on, this is a king size Snickers bar right now. This feels amazing. I never stop. This is, a stretch is so much better.

So stretch, fucking. All right, so listen, it's your own fucking answer. If you don't want to cum anymore, you weirdo, you don't have to cum. I didn't say I don't want to do anymore. I just said like – I know, but you got to pick two. So are you leaving out cumming or what? Well, it's not even like – I don't lose all other things.

It's just two at the same time. Okay. You're right. It's not just the only two things I can ever feel again. Maybe a nice stretch and a good poop you you said this the other day on on twitter that you're turning into a senior citizen and have a good bowel movement but here's the deal, yesterday I fucking sat in the window for a while, ate raisins, and watched squirrels. I might be 90 years old.

Of course, of course fucking Higgins shit is on the list. But also, I've always said, I've always said I'm not a good bowel mover. I'm a sub-bar bowel mover. I was like, I poop like twice a week. It's a rarity. When I get to have a good poop, it's not regular. My bowel is irregular at best, Kevin. So you're going stretching and pooping.

And I'm just going to call up a funeral home and start planning your death. Because you are rapidly aging. You are the reverse Benjamin Button. You're getting older by the fucking millisecond. Just put this man in a box and bury him tomorrow. Raising in a rocking chair, listening to vinyl records, watching squirrels, planning out when you're going to shit, and stretching out your sore muscles.

You're 100, dude. You're 100. Dude, and when I have a good poop, it's noted. I'm like, wow, that was good. Nice. Nice job, John. You're disgusting. We're back to the poop podcast.

Absolute goddamn animal. I'm going to go cum because I'm not going to overthink this. It's so gay cumming. And I'm going to match it with one of two things. Either Q-tips in the ears. Oh, great one. I love that. And then this one might be particular to me.

Maybe you've seen it recently. Me cracking my neck and cracking my knuckles. If I can come and crack at the same time. There's an Instagram video out there a twitter video out there it's a guy sitting on the toilet getting head cleaning his ears and it's like these are all the best feelings all at once um but i think i'm gonna go when you get the ears when you get in there oh so i'm coming in years i mean sometimes might come from my ears so you can give me all the science you want that i'm just jamming wax into my head and it's eating my

brain don't care feels do not care feels fucking great and if you ever really get it can i change one can't change i'm i think'm going to change the pooping. I'm taking pooping out. Okay. No, maybe I'm taking stretching out. Taking stretching out. Stretching's gone. Okay.

It is the moment you realize you're drunk. Yeah. Dude, I do it. It doesn't happen all the time. It's particularly with red wine. I'll be like, I'll have a sip, and I'll realize that's the one that tipped me over, and I just giggle to myself. Yeah. It's like the cutest thing I do.

Kevin, when I do it, I'm fucking adorable. I do that when I'm high. Not as much drunk. I'll be in bed, and I'm smoking and go to bed, and I'll be like, yeah, this is not working. Oh, there it is. Yeah, there it is. Let's go. I get a big smile.

I'm just like – Did it again. Let's go. I get a big smile. Did it again. Turns out drinking this alcohol is going to get me drunk. Well, you know what? Sometimes it doesn't. Those nights where it just doesn't work. It's like, what the fuck is this about? I got to pee and I'm going to have a hangover, but it doesn't even feel good.

What the fuck is this about? Yesterday was one. I wasn't drunk until I was drunk, but I had like three vodka gimlets. Again, I'm old as shit. I was just slamming vodka gimmies. And then I went on to red wine. And eventually when I made the switch to the whiskey, I brought in the heavy artiller. It took care of business.

You're an idiot. by the way i'm assuming these are all feelings that you have to do to yourself because if it's others other people if i can get the feeling of a head scratch in there i mean that's number one over i just made my nipples hard yeah yeah buddy i mean you can if you scratch my head you don't even have to fuck seriously yeah that's number one on the list uh all right last voicemail before we get into it with hank azaria it's brought to you by free fly uh free fly i got a new shirt from free fly it's like a henley button up i mean the bamboo shirts are fucking heavenly. I want all my shit made out of bamboo now.

Forget about cotton. Fuck polyester. I might even be off the micro modal. I might be strictly onto bamboo now. I don't understand what it means. I don't understand how it works. But bamboo is somehow the softest shit in the world. It's high performance too.

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Hey, KFC. Bye. Superproducer BC. Donna, would you rather? I live in northern michigan right now and uh a couple days ago it was 60 degrees and sunny and outside in short t-shirt and today it is white out blowing snow horrible i was thinking if i was a bear I would go back into hibernation. So that got me thinking, would you rather hibernate for the winter like a bear or fly south like a bird?

Get the hell out of here. Let me know. Viva. Mad Dog, who we mentioned earlier, he posed the idea of hibernating through the coronavirus. He was like, let's go to sleep, and we'll wake up this time next year before the draft. I don't like either of these. I'd rather reverse. What's hibernating through the summer?

What do you mean? Like, if I was an animal, I would do the opposite. I would fly i would fly north for the summer i don't want to be i don't want to miss the winter oh yeah okay so you're pro winter as am i yeah so like you know these birds i get when it's like it's fucking freezing cold we got to get out of here but like you know i don't want to go south the people like the the old new york jews who go down to the they they sweat in florida like no i don't i don't want that you're sweating year round so i mean you could go south but do it not it's so southern a place yeah that's true

georgia right carlston charleston's always that's where i'm gonna move eventually one day fulfilled self-fulfilling prophecy with the with the rumor um i i eventually if i ever get super rich i'm gonna just have to buy a house. Maybe I'll never live there, but I'm going to have to have a house in South Carolina. Hibernate. You know what? I'm out. It's flying south.

And I've learned this about myself. I just thought about this today. I can't sleep in anymore. And not because of, of like my biological clock. I, if I wake up at like 11 o'clock noon, I feel like I've missed a bunch of shit. I feel like I'm behind. I feel like I get like nervous and frantic.

Oh, you're so wrong on that. Waking up at noon is the best thing in the world. Not because of the sleep or anything like that, because of how easy it makes the rest of your day. Cause dude, halfway done. When I'm back in New York and I wake up at noon on a Saturday, Not because of the sleep or anything like that, because of how easy it makes the rest of your day. You're halfway done? When I'm back in New York and I wake up at noon on a Saturday and I go pick up my laundry across the street and I get back in my apartment.

You're done. And I'm like, dude, you have been so fucking productive today. It's unbelievable. You just woke up and started producing. You woke up, you got dressed, you got your laundry, and now you have the rest of your day ahead of you. It is – but I also – I do feel when you get up early and it's like – you feel like – honestly, you get up at 6 a.m., you don't even have to go get that laundry to have a productive day.

You're like, I did it. Today's done. I nailed it. Getting up was your thing. What I like about quarantine is how low the bar is for things to be done. Take a shower. You're successful. Put on clothes.

You're successful. Laundry, whatever. Because all I need is one accomplishment to reward myself with a night of pigging out, watching TV, doing absolutely nothing. But if I wake up and I feel like I've missed the news and I don't know what's going on. I get anxiety from the news thing. That's all this bullshit. I was watching.

Oh, so I finished Ozark. Right. And, uh, this would work. Bullshit kind of sparked this idea. Um,

right. And, and in Ozark, I realized that, you know, everything is like, like life. Every next plan is going to, you know, that'll be the thing that fixes everything. Right. And in Ozark, I realized that, you know, everything is like life. Every next plan is going to, you know, that'll be the thing that fixes everything. Right. And it's always better. The grass is always greener type deal.

Yeah. I've been thinking about this. This is this is something of the John Feidelberg life plan. And I think it's a pretty good idea because I don't think a lot of people do it. I think as your kid, when you're a kid, kid, you're always like, oh, man, once I get to middle school, everything's going to be all set. And then middle school, once I get to high school, everything's going to be good. And college, once I get to college, everything's going to be great. And every step of the way, things just get more

stressful and you get more shit on your plate. I'm just going to opt out from the next. I'm going to quit the game right now. I'm done progressing. Is this your suicide note? What'm going to quit the game right now. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done progressing. Are you, is this your suicide note? What's going on here now? But like,

I think you can just like, I'll be like, okay, like, like all this stage of my life is, is the stage you're supposed to make this next move. And that makes everything easier. It makes me right.

And everyone just is like, Nope, that's not what happened. So what you're saying is you're just no longer going to grow, develop, progress. Like you're just like, you to grow, develop, progress. Like you're just like you've maxed out.

This is it for you. Correct. I've gotten to a video game boss who I can't beat, and I've decided I'm just going to go back and just do the stuff I knew I was good at, and I'm going to keep having fun doing that. I'm with you on this because I've been feeling this way like because sometimes I feel like we don't ever appreciate what we've done with KFC Radio because we're always like, what's next? Let's go on the road.

Let's make this new thing, this new game, this new clothes. Let's keep going with the podcast. And if we were just like, this is it. We're good here. It would be so much more enjoyable. Just in life. The next phase, I just think about it now with the stresses I have.

And again, it's fucking little pussy stuff. But it's just things that stress me out and give me anxiety. And they're all things I willingly did. Yeah. I thought they were going to be like shit. And they just made me work. I'm like, you know what?

I'm done progressing and advancing. This is it. Every step of my life that I've taken another step has just made my life more difficult and more stressful. It is not what I thought it was going to do for me. It's more money, more problems. It's the idea of like it's being ambitious and always what's next. And, and it's like,

why not stop? There was a part, there was a part of me this weekend when I was watching the show and I had this revelation that I can just stop. You almost lost a co-host. I was watching, what was I watching? Something.

Oh, I was watching snatch and they were in London. And by the way, snatch doesn't hold up. I don't think I care for Garrett, Guy Ritchie films anymore. Um, but was watching Snatch and they were in London. By the way, Snatch doesn't hold up. I don't think I care for Guy Ritchie films anymore. It used to be one of my favorite movies. Watched it for the first time in a long time. I was like, eh.

But anyway, they were in London and I was like, you know what? I was supposed to go to London to start this quarantine. And I was like, I could just go travel for a few years. But then again, this is the quagmire here, Kevin. That's doing something that I think is going to bring me happiness.

This part is going to stress me out. Yep, it will. And then you got to realize, though, like, are you, I mean, we're both pretty happy in quarantine. But could you just keep doing this? Because, like, eventually you'll be a little like not satisfied with life yeah no no i'm definitely to the point where i'm like i'm i'm if quarantine was lifted i'd be like you know yeah yeah i was having so much fun it would be

like all right yeah that's the thing it's like where what can you do that's not like the rat race and trying to keep up and trying to be better but also satisfying? Because I think that's where – I think you become a prisoner of your own ambition and you don't – it's like if you told me we were going to be where we're at now five years ago, I would have been like, damn, all right, like we made it. And we're here now. And instead I'm like, all right, well, let's try to be like part of my take. Let's try to be like Chris DiStefano. Let's try to get on the road. There's always going to be someone ahead of you.

And if you have that mentality, you'll never be satisfied. Yeah. And I'm not going to do it. I'm going to keep doing the same thing I do, which is like wanting to be better and bigger and all this stuff. And I'm going to be stressed and miserable. Then hopefully one day I die. Yeah. Well, I think that I'll be one of those people who works until they're dead.

I don't think I can do retirement. That's true. I have learned that in quarantine where, like, the Saturdays and Sundays, I can't do nothing. I'm very – I'm not – I mean, we're texting about work stuff or, like, I'm fucking exercising. I still have not ridden a bike, just to be clear. I've been doing Peloton, so I've ridden a bike,

but not on the street. But being blessed with a little bit of ambition, but not too much, I think is incredible. I think the ability to like stop and smell the roses or whatever the fuck you want to call it,

I think leads to wild amounts of happiness. Wild amounts. That's the key to life. I'd like someone to tell me. What? Someone who's experienced it. Let me know. Yeah, for real. Sound off in the comments. I think I'm high today. I don't know.

What's going on? Let's get into it with our boy. He's Jim Brockmire. He is, uh, he's Jim Brock Meyer. He's, uh, the voice of like everybody on the Simpsons. Uh,

he's like our, he's a good friend of ours. Now, you know how I'm always skeptical of our guests and when they're like us, Hank is, Ari likes us. I felt like there's a couple of buddies shooting the shit, talking about it.

So, uh, let's talk about season four, Brock Meyer and everything else. And Hank is, Ari. What's going on? How are you guys doing?

We're doing great. Well, you know, relatively speaking, of course doing you, are you enjoying your global pandemic experience? Honestly, the,

the quarantine is, is not, not a problem for us. We're, we're good at this. So we can handle you. Yeah. You just live in that little box anyway don't you

pretty much this is my existence what a nice way to say you're lazy assholes but yeah live in this box i'm uh you know i could of course have done without this whole this whole thing sure uh i don't know anybody who's like psyched about it'd be weird to find that human being yeah it feels like they're like i feel alive for the first time in this global pandemic hey nice to meet you oh yeah is that pretty well in a weird way like you know i've spent so much time of my life on location just like in remote spots uh with absolutely nothing to do. I'm in wherever part of the world for four months. I'm only shooting one

day a week. The rest of the time, I'm just puttering around, figuring everything out. I'm like, why does this all feel familiar to me? I'm like, it's like I'm on location. What's the on location? I remember reading

an article, an interview with, her name's escaping now, Princess Leia. Carrie Fisher? Carrie Fisher. Where she talked about how she used to go to on location shoots even though she wasn't even in those scenes anymore and she would go just to party.

It's not like that anymore, I imagine. Well, that's more about the life of a drug addict than an actor or anybody else. Yeah, it absolutely was Gary's style. That's more about where the party at, where the Bacardi at. Well, we thank you for coming back hank is aria back on kfc radio uh promoting the final season of brockmeyer what a ride it has been we have been on this show since day one and to see it uh grow and change and now uh to see it all wrapping up uh what what a pretty cool experience

huh yeah thank you first of, you guys have been very excellent friends of the show, so thank you. It's easy. It's easy to be friends with. It's not like the show is a terrible person who you stay friends with or you're always there for. It's a great friend to have. Well, thank you, but the show, the only

if there's a downside to this experience for me which there really hasn't been, it's that just not enough people saw it. It's just been this experience for me, which there really hasn't been, it's that just not enough people saw it. It's just been like a cult hit, which means you're a great show that, that nobody watches. Yeah. It's a,

the cult term is a polite way to, you know, to the spin zone, but. Yeah, nobody watches your show. But you know, that's more,

go, please, I beg your audience, because most of them probably haven't seen it. Go on Hulu. You can see seasons. Well, so that's the thing. I was going to ask you if you've seen a change or a bump at all in the Hulu after release on Hulu,

because I know that happens with Netflix a lot, too. It's like some people think it's new and that it's happening for the first time, and I feel like you get some new eyeballs. Has there been any change? I haven't gotten those numbers yet. I don't know, but that's what we're kind of hoping for. And you know,

this is, you know, if there's ever, if there's a silver lining of this pandemic for me, is that, well, more people are home. Maybe they'll have nothing to do.

Maybe they'll watch Brockmire now. Yeah. I mean, if you, please folks who haven't seen it, if you, if you haven't seen it, just watch the first five minutes of episode one, season one. If you

don't laugh out loud, you can stop watching. They're only eight per season. They're all 22 minutes long. That's like one COVID afternoon. You really can do a season in an evening, and that I would argue, trying to think off the top of my head if there's anything that even compares,

that first scene of that first episode of that first season is probably the best like gotcha and like you're hooked that i've ever seen on any television show ever it's great i say with with great humility that it's we we did a good one there so check check it out if nothing just you must be curious at this point check it out if you like it tell your friends but yeah i was actually watching episode five this morning and my girlfriend asked what i was doing i told her she said oh i never heard of that and i just sent her the opening scene and she's like okay i'm watching now so she's been binging she's probably still binging as we speak right now if you watch those first

five minutes i think the youtube clip i sent was two minutes but however however long the the opening scenes if you watch that you will not turn the show off. And you know what? And if you're not into it, like, fine, you don't have to watch it. It's good for you because you must be the most boring person alive with no sense of humor. It's almost universal how much people laugh at the show and then also get really into the story of the show. It's pretty true now. Well, particularly, I don't think we really spoke during season three, which, you know, had big time stars and the plots, you know, seriously advanced.

But this season being set in the future, commissioner of baseball, Brockmire is now sober. I mean, a lot of changes go down in this season. Was there a feeling of like, we got to get it all in now and let's do everything we kind of had? Or was that always the plan? It was always the plan to basically end the story the way we did. It was planned to be a four season, eight episodes per season story arc. And Joel Church Cooper, our head writer though, last year got the idea of fast forwarding that 10, 15 years in the future so in other words we always have the story idea in mind but the the idea of of doing this little kind of sci-fi

predictive like what's life going to be like in 15 years almost black mirror homage was a new idea every year joel likes to switch it. That's one of the cool things about the show is we figure out this great season, which is hard to do. Then I want to stay with that. I'm like, we figured out how to be funny and smart. Let's not mess with that. He's like, no, no, no, we got to switch it up. And every year, the guy pulls it out of the hat.

He doesn't rely on what we relied on the season before. Was there a concern at all about, like you said, you know, I think Brockmire being a booze bag drug addict was pretty funny for a lot of people. And then to pull the sobriety stuff is, was there,

was there like a worry about that? That's a pretty big worry about it. Yeah. I was like, I, this is not, the character's funny. Cause he's wasted all the time.

And, and then even when we season three which we you know i i was sure it was our least funny least good season because i felt much more boring shooting i'm like i'm the sober guy now that's not fun you know so for me it was a little more tedious but it was our every year our reviews have gotten like better and better like every year people think this this season is the best one so it was our best reviewed season up to that point until this i don't know if you've seen alan seppenwald who's kind of my tv guy um he does he's the editor of rolling stones television i know Alan I know he is very well yes This is his first season he's ever given

At Rolling Stone five stars Believe me I know I was shocked by that He He was at the He was at the Television Critics Association thing in LA As we were introducing Season one of the show so nobody had seen it

Except critics and he interviewed us And he was looking at me like I was crazy he was like in LA as we were introducing season one of the show. So nobody had seen it except critics. And he interviewed us and he was looking at me like I was crazy. He was like, what is this show? How did you guys figure this out? Like, where did it come from? What he was like, it took me 10 minutes to realize like, this guy really loves this show. Cause he was like the first person I spoke to. I had no idea what the response to this thing would be. And I'm like, Alan Sepinwall really likes this for whatever it's worth. We must've done something right here. Yeah. He's, as far as I think like my, you know, demo is concerned, if you're on the internet and you're into blogs and social media, you know, he is like the go-to guy. So five stars from him is,

is, uh, you know, that's about as good of a cosign as you can get as far as my generation is concerned. So if you guys ask me, like, because making this show was a big deal for me. I love it. It took me years to get it made. It took me years. It's like the fourth show I've tried to make. They've all sucked before this.

I was so happy to make a good one. If you told me that we'd make a show this good and this funny and we'd have a hard time getting people to watch it out i said i i don't think that's possible but you know just you know anything can happen in show business does that drive you crazy when you see you know maybe some other other shows that you might not think are as clever and witty and i mean that would that that that kills me as a viewer over the years like arrested development getting canceled and and you know and shows of that that ilk as a as a viewer I want to just punch the tv screen I can't imagine when you are involved in it dude yes it drives me crazy you know and and I you know I I already have to

forget about Brockmire I already have to avoid like getting in arguments or like when relatives come in like uh have you seen uh I'm not going to insult the show, but whatever show that I consider is ridiculously stupid. Like, it's quite all, as if they're giving me like, give it a chance, you're going to enjoy it. I'm like, Uncle Steve, that show's so, I can't decide which is dumber, you or that show. But yeah, but those shows are huge hits, you know. Go ahead, sorry The way the show is going It kind of reminds me a bit of Schitt's Creek

Where the comedy I feel like to me comedies have always been The characters never really change that much They're always, you know, the episodes Are always kind of just in a box And then the new episode happens next Like always Sunny in Philadelphia is one of my favorite shows. I love that.

Basically everything ends and the show just restarts next episode. But this one, it Brock Meyer reminds me of what Schitt's Creek did, where it's kind of like the characters are actually growing and they're improving as people, which is a weird thing for me in comedy, but it's, it works so well.

Do you think that's like something cultural or societal that's happening right now where it's like, we want to see people improve? I don't know about improve. I mean, on Brockmire, yes, the people are for the most part, certainly Brockmire, whatever you want to, the term is grows a soul, you know, goes from this incredible douchebag

who couldn't care less about anybody to a giving, loving, woke person. But mostly to me, it was just narrative. It's like, or if you want to tell the opposite story, or somebody going from a lovely, or you want to go like the Walter White route from Mr. Chips to, you know, Scarface, as long as you tell me a good story,

I'm down, you know? So, and Joel was, again, Joel Church Cooper was just brilliant at piecing that together. Was there any shock on your end? Like when just episode one of this season with all like the pandemic talk and the outbreak on that one scene for what's supposed to be Good Morning America. I mean, especially having been a part of the Simpsons before where a lot of predictions always happen and you guys seem to, you know, get the future. I was pretty wild to tune into that and given all that's going on right now. Yeah. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's I'm the one constant in those two. Maybe I have some weird psychic, you know, I'm like a Stephen King character or

something, but shows I make tell the truth about the future, but no, you know, that's a weird journey with that. Cause like, again, Joel, he's, he wants these big swings every year. I'm like, Oh dude, let's not mess with it that much. Come on. You know, it only made eight of last season. It's hard enough to figure out a formula that works. He's like, no, no, no, I got it. And I i i fought it three or four times like it took him like three or four conversations to convince me to like tell this dystopian future

story while we're wrapping up the fourth season of ragmar that's crazy to me that there's that you know was it ever like a fight or an argument like because, cause it seems like. No, because I don't, as much as we have, cause I've learned to trust him. Like I, this guy's a great writer, not a good writer, a great writer. So I let him follow his muse.

I don't interfere, but I did raise my hand a bunch on this one. Like, dude, are you sure? Do we need to like take that on? But the end of season three, the very last episode is a very kind of it's almost a bonus

track episode it's like a societal commentary that he threw in it and i was a little nervous about that one but that went so well that i was like well he writes that really well so he probably knows what he's doing and then sure enough you know season four but i did push back on that just to make sure it was vetted and he was sure. And then even within that though, you know, we don't have the budget to like go 12 years in the future convincingly, you know, with, with the special effects or anything. So. Hey, the, the, the, the holographic porn was pretty cool. That was some money there. I actually thought it was great because I think future shots are always too different. Right. I thought this was perfect where you have Limon, which is kind of the Alexa taking over a little predictive now,

where it's not like a crazy, crazy different world. It's not going to be flying cars and all that shit. Yes. The operating system that we call Limon, that's like an Alexa or a Siri, was obviously a very cheap way to do a plastic thing that can run your life. Okay. But you know what ended up happening?

We actually ran into a problem. We had undersold the future. It's like, boy, because we didn't have the money for it. We're like, we had undersold the future. It's like, boy, because we didn't have the money for it. We're like, we have to somehow reveal that we're 12 years ahead and society's in bad shape. And as much as I hate to admit it, one of our executives at IFC, Pete Aronson, who's also a really good comedy guy, suggested this faux Today Show type opening where you just kind of

download what's going on and that kind of chipper tone of like horrible things are happening. But, you know, we got Bryce Harper here to talk about cupcakes as well. And that's where we threw, just kind of randomly, it was like, well,

what are horrible things that are probably going to happen? Well, sure, heat, probably going to be too hot. And disputed lands, that's funny, where people are kind of, you know, seceding from the union. And then, oh, pandemics, that's likely, right?

That'll happen in 10 years. And that just was like a toss-off idea. And then you watch the opening of the show, and it's a little too close to home. Yeah, unfortunately, absolutely nailed it. I mean, I'm also hoping, though, that means that you nailed this Limon holographic porn thing, because I'd be down. I'd give that a whirl. Let's face it. I mean, I'm also hoping, though, that means that you nailed this Limon holographic porn thing. Because I'd be down. I'd give that a whirl.

Let's face it. We're all waiting for that day. You're probably not going to go down sitting on your face. When you go to a commercial and Limon's like, resume sitting on the face. It's like, oh my God, this is brilliant. Why don't people watch? God damn it.

I'm trying to use this time. I'm revamping my social media. I'm trying to, I'm trying to use this time. I'm going to, I'm revamping my social media. I'm trying to get the word out and see what I can do to get on that favorites page or Hulu. I feel like a goddamn failure. I know that's what the point of these conversations are. And I'm trying to,

every time we push it, we, we swear by it. We put our co-sign on it. Like just listen to us, please. God, you know,

look, I mean, in our culture today god you know look i mean in our culture today you know some old white man obsessed with baseball is not exactly gonna you know what i mean it's not my prime to explode well you know what we're gonna do this time well uh this will be you know if you're if you got the baseball itch and you're missing baseball because it's not around now go watch brock meyer you'll get your baseball fix maybe that'll be the angle to take because uh there is i think the one thing i am learning is no matter how much people say baseball's dying and it's it's fading out and no

young people like it without it this year there's been a lot of moaning and a lot of crying and so there are there are a shit ton of fans out there. So have you given any thought to some of these proposed ideas to get the game back up? Yeah, maybe you've seen. We spend a lot of time in Brockmire discussing just that because he's commissioner and we're trying to – so we really thought about it. Yeah, I am for robot umps personally.

Are you? I am. I don't love that tradition of figuring out um I'm strike zone the first three innings, and then it's inconsistent by inning eight. Yeah, I did always think that 50 or 100 years later when we do this, there's going to be people going, they just willingly got it wrong all the time. They liked that. They wanted it to be incorrect.

But I don't know. I'm a little bit of an old fart when it comes to that, the human element and all that shit. To me, it strikes me as something that you want until you have it, and then you don't have it. It's like when you call a customer service line, and it's an automated machine, and you're like, I just need to get something off my chest.

I don't even want the refund. I just want to yell at somebody a little bit, and I'll feel better afterwards. I mean, that's what it is. Yeah, like if I can't yell at an ump and I know that the computer is a hundred percent right. And it's just a fact that I, my team is not winning. What do I do then? See, I like, I like get, there's so much variable I find in sports that, and so much human element

that if, if the stuff can be fair and quantified, that can be, I like that, you know? And I also think it ends up like when we added to baseball, we added the instant replay. And then it's like, if someone's foot comes off the bag, like someone's sliding the second and the hand bumps up, it's like, Oh no, he was actually out. That's not what we're talking about. That's not the spirit of the, of the hand bumps up it's like oh no he was actually out that's not what we're talking about that's not the spirit of the of the rule there and i feel like robot elves won't understand the spirit of the game i agree with that i don't like that you're off for a nanosecond

and the glove remained on you thing i don't i don't think that should be reviewable can you say you can't make a rule being like well if you're off for a full second like where do you draw a line it's it's impossible so i get that it's either all or nothing but it definitely is You can't make a rule being like, well, if you're off for a full second, like where do you draw a line? It's impossible. So I get that it's either all or nothing, but it definitely is infuriating when you see that. Well, on the other hand, though, right, I'm sure now players have to catch up to you can't slide like that. Right, right.

Game over, for sure. Yeah, so they'll adjust. I mean – The idea of the seven-inning games, the double headers, you know, all of that. If everything was safe, would you sign up for that version of baseball this year right now? I have to think about that. But, well, just this year because we want to condense everything?

I would, absolutely. I would sign up for they're all going to just play in Arizona and we get to watch 30 games. I mean, anything at this point. But I'm not so – I'm not against – I wouldn't be against even ongoing the seven-inning thing and streamlining the game. You know why? Because I feel like post-steroids, all the records have sort of gone to shit anyway. True.

And it's like let's just call that the old era of baseball and let's just start a new one and make it more you know young people friendly viewer friendly and you know i mean i don't when i go watch my buddies play softball i'm pretty grateful it's just a seven inning game you go watch your buddies play softball i mean if not really but if i happen if i'm if i'm walking through Central Park and I catch a game, I'm like, thank God this is over soon. I've actually done that once. I've been on a date walking through Boston

Common, and we stopped and watched a men's softball league. And guess what? It's a pretty fun date. We live right on Central Park, and my son and I are always strolling through, and it's really fun to watch a few innings. How old is your son? He'll be 11 in June.

Is he allowed to watch Brockmire and some of the – He can't watch Brockmire until he's 37 years old. I was going to say, I don't think I'm allowed to watch Brockmire. That's the number I came up with, yeah. And so Brockmire, you know, comes to an end, and obviously Apu, you bowed out on that one. So I feel like you're maybe at a little bit of a point in your career where what's next is probably – Well, I mean, Apu's one of 94 voices I do at the Simpsons.

Oh, that's true. Quite busy over there. Yeah. But the spirit of your question is correct, much like the spirit of the replay. I don't know. I love time off. I've been getting more into producing

and some developing a bunch of things that I'm hoping to get made. And some I might be in, some I might not. And yeah, you know, as Brockmire said, the narrative of my life is complete. I just want to spend more time with my family. You obviously do a lot with Dream. Yes.

Thank you for mentioning it. Yes. I work with Dream in New York, which used to be Harlem RBI, which is wonderful mentoring and tutoring. With that, you work with Manfred. Was there any communication with him about this season of Brockmire? Oh, yeah. I mean, last board meeting when we were all still allowed to be in each other's presence, you know, I hit him with a, hey, Rob, you know, you need any advice or any help on the commissioner front?

I think Brockmire is less beleaguered than you are i was gonna say you probably could use a little bit of advice a rough go for him meeting how would that scene the brockmeyer scene uh this season when he's yelling at all the owners yeah that was i i actually recently watched mission impossible fallout and now me and my brother were talking about how tired tom cruise must have gotten on like that final sprint must have been more tired you're running around the room screaming in everyone's faces how many faces i think that was about we we there was like a bunch of scripted stuff uh that's one of those we usually stay scripted on brockmeyer because we don't have a lot of time but that was one where we

did what was scripted then also wrote a bunch a bunch on the day just to have alternates. And then also it lent itself to just going nuts and seeing what came out of my mouth. Yeah, or like pissing on someone. That was scripted, actually. Brockmire pulls his dick out and pisses on a guy. It was scripted. Joel, Joel, you sick son of a bitch yeah man it's uh what would you have uh gone like part of me is is angry that it's ending but part of me also thinks so many shows fall victim to going a season or several seasons too long uh would would there have been a

five six seven eight for brock meyer part of me thinks that like it's kind of nice as is you know or several seasons too long, would there have been a 5, 6, 7, 8 for Brockmire? Part of me thinks that, like, it's kind of nice as is, you know? We certainly told the story we wanted to tell, which was the plan from the beginning. I had an idea for a fifth season, which was just a circling back, like, because I love playing the drunken, drugged up, sexed up Brockmire. So I wanted to, like, circle back to drunken, drugged up, sexed up Brockmire. So I wanted to like circle back to like his lost years in between his meltdown and when he got back to Morristown.

Like just in Southeast Asia, drunk out of his mind. I feel like that's always still maybe on the table though, right? You know, I think they would have done it. I just didn't want to go to Atlanta anymore to shoot because i have a family i'm not kidding about the family thing and so i said i'll do that if you guys will shoot in new york but they didn't want to pay for that so um so but maybe someday we might circle back to like that ridiculousness yeah that'll always be you know i might i'm you know i'm cooking up a Brockmire podcast. Oh, really? Yeah. Yes.

How, like, give me some color on that. We're just still talking about it. We're having a creative call. Let me check the schedule. We're having a creative call about it today, in fact. But maybe just a half hour of Jim Brockmire probably ranting about sports of the day and the week. So, like, real sports with Jim Brockmeyer. Yeah.

Yeah, like, you know, talking about – because Joel and a couple other of our writers, Dave Thomason, they're really good at writing Brockmeyer insanity based on just what's actually going on. I can even hit you with some. I got some favorite. I like our Tom Brady, our Tom Brady takes. Yeah, it's good. It would be stuff like this. Here, wait, let me find, let me pull it up here. Okay.

Oh, so Tom Brady in Tampa Bay. I really believe that this is the year that the Buccaneers are coming back. Not the football team, my fellow, the actual profession of Buccaneer. I think the economy is approaching a point where being a pirate is a very realistic career choice for many people. And at this point in time, other than that, I don't understand Brady's decision. I don't know if Florida is the place you want to be when society collapses. There's people who are eating each other's faces down there when the

restaurants were open. Stuff like that. Brockmire takes like that. That is a very good idea. Very funny idea. I mean, so much that you can tackle with that. Yeah, there's always sports to talk about.

And then have a guest. Well, yes. But, you know, even now, you know, you can talk about Brady going to Florida. Have you noticed anything different with, do you often have like creative calls on Zooms or meetings like that? I feel like that's something you usually like to be in the room with you know i like all of us i didn't know what zoom what what the freaking was till six weeks ago yeah and now i don't leave i only do this yeah like earlier with with joel where he kind of had to sway you a bit with like you know four meetings i think you said about you know setting this season in the future i feel like that wouldn't happen on a Zoom call. I think there's a little different tension,

a little bit like, you know what? Fuck you, I'm not doing it. You need to be in the room and feel your passion. Honestly, that, but the spirit, again, the spirit of that is correct. If that were season one, we were all nervous about what was going to work, it probably would have been right.

At this point, I just was, it was more of a friendly, like, are you sure i just trust him you know i know that past a certain point if he wants to do it i'm sure it'll come out fine so yeah but yeah this it's tougher to have real personal disagreements through the zoom have you not noticed that have you guys probably had some of your own right well so we've been doing, uh, for the longest time, we were all in different cities. And so we did a lot of, it was Skype at the time instead of zoom. Right. Uh, I always found that things were way more contentious because you'll say things over the computer that you might not say to someone's face. So when we started arguing, you know, things would get

personal and nasty real quick. Cause then you just, you know, close the laptop to someone's face. So when we started arguing, things would get personal and nasty real quick because then you just close the laptop and that's it, I don't have to see you. So when we all moved to New York and got together, I think things kind of toned down a little bit. And now that we're resuming the virtual stuff, it's like, fuck you, fuck that. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. We're horrible to each other over the computer. See, my generation, we were just polite all the time. We didn't, you know, I don't have a text persona versus my Zoom persona. Yeah. My Instagram persona. We actually do. You think that the people at Zoom are secretly like, this is pretty great.

Like you mentioned finding the one person who's into all this. I bet you the Zoom people are like throwing parties over the corner. Zoom, Purell, there's a few folks, right? Just picked it up. Yeah. And Zoom got themselves in trouble with their lack of security. I guess they've scored that up a little bit. Kind of popped that up.

Yeah. Well, nobody else has a choice, so even if they didn't. Well, it's been an awesome ride. I do hope that there's more Brockmire in the form of the podcast or the Lost Years because he is an unbelievable character.

Where would you rank him out of all your voices and characters? I think he's pretty high at the top, but where would you put him? He's my personal favorite. Personal favorite. Is he? People might say, like, my character from the Birdcage.

Birdcage. They might top it because it's to the test of time, I guess. That was like five years ago. Five years ago. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to argue with how iconic the Simpsons characters are, like Moe and Chief Wiggum.

I don't do Apu anymore. I'm sure somebody will continue to do Apu someday. So they could pick up that mantle. But yeah, Simpsons voices collectively might challenge it. But I love Brockmire. It's really close to my heart. He's number one.

He's number one. I love Brockmire. It's really close to my heart. He's number one. I agree. I hope for more to come. We appreciate all the time you've given us over the years to promote him. I wish we could have done a better job. Maybe we can knock it out of the park this season for you because people deserve to see it. Thanks so much for the time.

It's your guys' fault. I'm going to blame you guys. Day-yay. Day-yay. Day-yay. Looks like it. Look at what you see in her face. The mirror of your dream makes believe I'm everywhere

given in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story Reach the stars Fly a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be The sun, the king, their secrets clear

A boat behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is the answer to a never ending story ah ah story

ah ah ah