KFC Radio - Hank Breaks Down the Return of Rico Bosco Ft. Tom Papa

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

- The team BOTCHES Secret Santa - Hank on Rico Returning - Who's The Biggest A**hole - Drake's 42 diamond necklace makes him look sus - Avatar 2 is almost out and it looks pretty much like the last one - Me Too Too Movement Entries - Tommy Smokes has a female doppelgänger who is a hot chick - Video Voicemails - JNics Pics - Jacqued Up Wrapped Up - Tom Papa Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 01:05 Secret Santa 11:08 Hank on Rico Returning 00:45:23 Who's The Biggest A**hole 01:09:04 Drake's 42 diamond necklace 01:14:53 Avatar 2 is almost out 01:21:09 Me Too Too Movement Entry 01:30:07 Tommy Smokes is a hot chick 01:33:16 Video Voicemails 01:51:03 JNics Pics 01:54:13 Jacqued Up Wrapped Up 02:10:20 Tom Papa Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Amazon Music: Visit https://barstool.link/AmazonKFC and start listening ad-free Whistlepig: Buy our Whistlepig KFC Radio PiggyBack 100% Rye Whiskey at https://barstool.link/KFCWP Omaha Steaks: Go to https://barstool.link/OmahaSteaksBSS and use code KFC at checkout for an extra $40 off your order Ridge: Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeKFC to save up to 40% off through December 22nd HEYDUDE: Go to https://barstool.link/HEYDUDEKFC and use code BARSTOOL for 15% off. Cannot be combined with other discounts. One time use per code. 15 item limit. Must enter code at checkout. Not valid on previous purchases. No rainchecks. Helix Sleep: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders and 2 free pillows at https://barstool.link/HelixKFC Betterhelp: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first monthYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. People are going to call it fake. It's not fake, but it's utterly ridiculous. It also might play out terribly tonight, and there is no return. uh before we get in the episode i'm just prefacing that this is kind of like a frankenstein of an episode i like as i'm editing i'm just kind of realizing there's no like transitions in between any of the segments so bear with me on it it starts with um like us picking our secret standards which we filmed yesterday and then it goes into hank coming on talking about rico and then it gets into like a little bit more of a normal episode but

just bear with us here um it's all good stuff and yeah also like and subscribe please thank you all right we got the KFC radio secret Santa uh with the whole gang um the deal is though you pick your person like every other secret Santa but then there is a pay scale meaning that one person it's funny that this inherently means I don't really like you guys and I want to buy you something cheap I hope that I get the $5 oh see I want the $500 plus

well I think there's some people here who don't want the $500 plus I very badly want the $500 plus and I very badly want a specific person because I already know what I'm doing. Like if there are, if there is a god. Actually, it really doesn't even matter if it's a specific person. It's like two people.

Interesting. See, that's it. I don't know really what you're talking about. I mean, I obviously want to mortify Jackie somehow. That's what we all want to do. What do you want? Huh?

I'm not telling what I want. Well, you're not going to get it. I either want to get one of you two idiots. These are three normal people. It's the idiots that I want to get to work with here. It's like, I don't know, Pavs. I want the $500 for sure, and I don't know, I want the $500 for sure, and I don't want it to be you.

Okay. Alright. So, we'll pick a person, and then you pick either your present is from 0 to 5, 5 to 10, 10 to 20, 20 to 50, 50 to 100, or 500 plus. I think I'm going to get it.

I kind of feel like you are, too. All right. Do you want to start it off? Sure. What happens if $500 is half my bank account? That's why you don't want to get it. All right, this is what? Answer that, Fimdown.

I did. This is the person? No, this is the price. I didn't get what I wanted. This is the person? Nah, this is the price. I didn't get what I wanted. Nah. That might have been a good poker face. This is fat-fingered idiot. No, it's just we fucking use post-it notes.

They stick together. That's insanely stupid. That is an insanely stupid thing to do. What's that face? It's just a letter. There's two of us with this letter. Well, well, well, John or Jackie. No, no, you use that. Jay or Jackie. No, you used F.

Jay's Jackie. She used F for you. And this is why you do it. Because now that's the video. Now nobody gives a fuck about the secret Santa. Why would you not just write the names? Well, you take so much time for it. You were trying so hard.

We only needed one letter. Finally you don't. I thought the people would figure it out. You're F, dude. You're F. It's your first name, but his last name? Yeah, but he mostly goes by fight. Not in my own goddamn head, I don't. What if it was

C for Colleen or C for Clancy? Well, you would know that you would go by C. It's just like, use your brain a little bit. No one in the world has ever called me C. Bro, use your brain a little bit and write full words. What was the rush? It takes... It was a big marker and a small sticky note.

Just write the extra letters. It's J-O-H-N. It's three extra letters. What happens when I get to Coll the... It's two extra letters. It's J-O-H-N. It's three extra letters. What happens when I get to Colleen? That's like 20 letters. That was stressing me out. I mean, that was just insanity. That was stressing me out.

You're acting... This is crazy that you're trying to defend this. You should absolutely have known that Jay is me. Why? No way. Bro, what's my name? There's two people. So, are you telling me right now I'm saying...

And, like, everyone knows I have your website. But you should be able to use context clues to think, okay, Jackie's not that much of an idiot. Yes, you are! God, no, that's never a context clue! The context clues always direct. Context clues always point towards you being an idiot. The context is that you're always dumb.

In the history of the world, when do people say, let's do the Secret Santa, and remember, only use one letter to determine who the people are? And by the way, mix and match first and last names with that letter. Obviously, I'm not going to do two J's. Like, if you thought about it for a second more, then you would have been able to figure out. I thought about that for a full five seconds before I even... So you're saying that I didn't get the $500?

Huh? You didn't get $500? I don't know. Who knows what I got? Well, can we just say it all out loud now? Fine! Fine! I'll give away Jackie's present right now. Jackie, I got you and I got $500. You're getting a one-way round-trip ticket to Omaha.

You have to have lunch and come back. No! Did you actually get the $500. You're getting a one-way round-trip ticket to Omaha. You have to have lunch and come back. No! Did you actually get the $500? Did you actually get the $500? Yes! I knew it was a poker face! I knew it was a poker face! $500 plus!

You gotta eat that meat, girl. You gotta go get some meat. Yes! Omaha! Omaha, baby! That's the thing of a better place. But you're going somewhere. You have an 8 a.m. flight.

You will be returning at 7 p.m. And you'll be fucking going to a museum and eating lunch in that city. And it's not going to be a good one. Was I the other person you wanted to do it for? I would have been you. It would have been one of you two. I love Jackie being like, oh, I didn't get the $500. Well, you did.

You did get it and it's the worst thing possible you know what you know what you could've gotten you could've gotten like a lollipop and instead you gotta go to Omaha I gotta be honest

can we send you like tomorrow and then like we should either we should maybe even let this be open... Let the fans decide. There's got to be some people out there who have some really, like, bad idea. We're going to send Jackie to Bratislava.

That is fantastic. I don't think we even do a Secret Santa. I think this is just called... I think this is just called Jackie Goes... Where in the world is Jackie? Or should I say Jay? Where are we sending Jay?

See, you know! Now! Nobody's ever called you Jay once! What a botch job! You got a botch job! Fuck you, Al. I guess we'll see. Yeah, the rest of this is just us picking stuff out of a hat.

Can't believe you used sticky notes, too. I mean, I... Okay. I think I got myself. You can't script it. You literally can't script it. I was running through spelling everyone's name. Mike. Nick. So great.

I gotta get myself a $10 gift. The most botched Secret Santa of all time. Ever. Ever. This is now just

you're going to Omaha. Good night. Unreal. Absolute moron. That was perfect. That was absolutely perfect. I know what I'm getting. I know what I'm getting I know what I'm getting I got myself

Wait don't put it back in I got myself again That is God we're dumb I mean You guys deal with it next time. Oh, she got herself. Yes!

Yes! Biggest shit show ever. I'm so happy that happened. Impossible. Impossible. I got a high-priced boy. Oh, my God. All right.

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First of all, sorry about my voice to the listeners. An easy back in the building. How'd this happen? Just had a late night. So it was kind of weird. I had just a late night Friday. Well, it all actually ties back to Rico, kind of. All roads.

This is talking about Rico. All roads lead back to riding. So after the Pick'Em came out, after my last appearance on this show, Rico, I'm driving to Providence for Rough and Rowdy. Rico texts me. He's like, hey, can we talk? I thought it was going to be like, hey, can we talk? We only talked briefly in the office. I kind of just want to clear the air and go over stuff.

I had a three-hour drive. It was just me. And he's like, get on the phone. He's like, I just have a couple things I want to run by you. And I was like, what? And he starts. And I was like, Rico, I have three hours. He's like, I just have some, a couple of things I want to run by. And I was like, what? And he starts, and I was like, Rico,

I have three hours. Like, let's get into it. And I was like, you know, when you're driving and talking on your car speakerphone, you're kind of like yelling. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just so weird. Why do we feel the need to do that? I don't know. I don't think you need to do that at all. I think you can just talk. So in the conversation, you know,

we started talking for 20 minutes. I'm like, Rico, like, are you like, I could tell, like, he was kind of like,

it's not over. And like, you know, what if I use throwing out like scenarios where he came back i was like rico what are we talking about here and he's like he's like i'm not taking that job i was like i'm not taking that job and i was like i started screaming started fucking screaming at him and then spent the next like hour so i was like talking i was scream talking for like an hour yeah yeah yeah and we broke down the i was like talking. I was screaming and talking for like an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we broke down the – I was like – and we went through it like piece by piece. I was like, Rico, when they say this, like do you agree with it or disagree? He's like, well, I was like you have to just fucking accept it. Like you have to accept it. You're coming back.

Everything's got to change. And so I was like bluntly honest and like frankly just like mean – not like mean, but I was like Rico. You need to do that though, yeah. If it's never going to work, you literally have to change every single thing if you're gonna come back yeah it was like you're you know i and there was i wish i wish it was recorded because there was there was some great analogies thrown out by me that was it was just very very funny he was just all over the place but then i went out after rough and rowdy like lost my voice but i think the like two hours of like scream talking,

like I don't know. So how long has it been? That's like, that was Friday. He also talked to big cat Friday. And then I think about your voice. Oh, so I lost it Friday.

And then Saturday and Sunday I was healthy with no voice. Yeah. Monday, Tuesday, I got super sick. Once the doctor got some like antibiotics, I'm back now. But like,

I know it. I tweeted, I know a guy who lost his voice forever. Lost his voice one day. Never came back. He said he went in and they had some sort of polyps, and they were like, the surgery is very dangerous, and the only side effect is your voice, so we don't do it.

And you just got to. It was like, we can do it, but you'll have to come back every few months to keep doing it, or you can just start to live with it. This is a little raspy. I love it when it gets like that. It was bad. The first two days was like I was a game fellas.

If you want to be in a bar too and you're trying to talk or it's loud, it's awful. But if you're one on one, that rasp people love that. It just makes talking not like you see people and you're just like I don't want to talk. When you are yelling you're like exhausted well i learned that when we were doing our little road trip out on the west coast and i lost my voice night one in denver

and fucking flu games man he was i was like we're gonna have to cancel the show like he cannot talk i i texted mark roberts and i was like what do you do to save your voice on the road because yeah he's an artist he's a front man musician for a revolution. Because he's an artist. He's a frontman musician of Revolution. And he's like, all right, here's what you're going to need. He's like, first step, stop drinking. Second step, stop smoking. Third step, stop talking. Fourth step, you're going to lay in bed just on your back all day.

And I was like, all right, I'm not going to do any of that. I'm going to do you have like a magic cure. Like eat tuna fish because it works. And he's like, yeah, I got a doctor in LA because we were in LA at this point. So I got a doctor in LA who'll inject you with steroids. And I was like, alright, well not that either. There's something over the counter I can do

to help me get my voice back. Gargle with salt and pepper. But I was trying to save my voice. I was trying to save my voice. And I realized I can't I was like we're just not going to talk during the day And someone says something What are you a fucking idiot

What are you stupid I don't know if you had some fucking Some vocal cords like in reserve or something But like the show started And it was just like you just went back to talking And the show ended and you went back to The last ten minutes of the show ended, and you went back to, you know. The last 10 minutes of the show would always be like.

True show. I think one time you were like, all right, let's probably just end the show. I think that was in Phoenix. I can't talk anymore. Anyway, it's been a mere two episodes. Yeah, two episodes. Or one episode. One episode. One episode since Hank came on here as the original writer,

basically said goodbye to Rico, and it turns out that your original gut feeling, you said 10 days, 7 days? 7 days. Yeah, I think you won. I mean, what you said I thought was ridiculous. You kind of came around on it too. You were like, yeah, I think this one's silly.

I think this is the real deal this time. Should have gone with your gut. Like, it was a matter of days before I got word that, you know, at least rumors that Rico Bosco's coming back. And it was really one day. It was like the pick-up came up Thursday, and then Friday is when he called me. And that's like, it was, I started, like, laughing at him. Like, I started laughing. He was like, why are you laughing? I'm like, Rico, like,, you realize how fucking stupid you are?

You have put the biggest nag. I was going to speak for those people. I think it's fake. I'm with you. I'm not a writer. I'm not a non-writer. I've had about six months of... You got a big aside?

I'm Switzerland, baby. I'm not a writer. Me and Rico had our issues, although I don't think I've ever had an issue. But Rico's had his issues. You squashed him, though, front of pints and whatnot. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. That's what I was going to say in our last episode.

But I said, I was like, I'm a company man. I'm not saying anything. Because we had received an email saying, don't talk about Rico. So I was like, I'm not doing shit. But now Rico's back. Now I can talk about him. And I had very much enjoyed our six months, maybe a little longer than six months, where we were like, Rico and I were never hanging out.

But he passes in the hallway. Whatever, Rico. A little pound. That kind of stuff. It's been very pleasant. So I'm a bit of an outside observer here because I'm not the number one rider in the world. You and Rico are very tight. I'm a guy passing in the hallway.

Says, what's up? We're very, very cool. From where I sit, I understand everyone being like, that is a work. I completely get that. And I would combat that by saying, Rico went so far as to pull me aside and tell me he was leaving and explain our beef to me. Where he was like, here's like, you know, like basically just laying out why he had issues, and I understand all of them, and we had kind of like our final burying of the hatchet

and squashing of the beef and all the other things they use in the Sunny episode. And I was like, this is real. He probably went around to me, you, everybody to make sure. I think he didn't mean to take me aside. I think he came in here looking for you. And then he said, I'll do you next.

So him and Kevin wrapped up and he's like, alright, can I talk to you for a second? And so we go just in the hallway by the bathrooms over here. And it was a very nice conversation. I don't know, I'd say 5, 10 minutes, 7 minutes. And we talked a little bit about our past, a little bit about the future, what was going to happen. And it was very nice, but it was, again,

as someone who's Switzerland here, it was incredibly sincere. He was like, I'm out. I can't do this anymore. It was weighing on him. He was explaining the ways it was weighing on him and things he's put up with, and it was all very sincere. So I do not think this was a work. If I was a judge, I'm going to say it.

Dave is incapable. Dave and dan would never maybe dave would never engage in an act like this yeah and when he this is dumb if he does he's the war like it's so obvious like he's like the work oh man you remember that on the on the blackout uh the nlcs bus you were we were trying to film like some sort of kind of made-up thing, and Hank would film it, and Dave, all of us were bad, but Dave would say something, and Hank would be like, all right, let's do take two. Let's do that again. Dude, we did that once with Pirate Simon.

I forget what exactly happened, but it was the day where he had been busted. He's the porn guy. It was like the end. It was the very end. Six-hour interrogation. It was like Dave was going back upstairs, and someone said something, and we all fucking erupted. And it was like no one had a camera. I was like, we got to try that again.

We got to try it again. And it was just like we got like halfway through the take. It was like, this isn't going to work. I think we're getting better at it doing like real comedy, but we're not like scripted people at all. Especially not Dave. But I fully, well, so that's the other thing. Like last time it was 95% gone, 5% coming back.

This is before recording the Pick'em. I still think, it's now not 95% back, 5% not. It's more like 75% back, 25% not. I don't really know how it's going to go tonight. Dave and Big Ed are pissed off. And I think Dave's going to, again, I don't know. Do you think Dave's going to give him, speaking of Pirate Simon, a Pirate Simon-type punishment?

If you want to come back, you have to live on the bus and dress like a pirate for a year. Many situations. Possibly less money, which I'm sure will drive Rico crazy. I don't think it's like the offer last week is an offer this week. Oh, hell no. Yesterday's price is not today's price. Especially not after you pull whatever stunt, whether you were making up an offer, whether you were using an offer for leverage, whether you just were stupid and changed your mind, you lost.

You never really had the upper hand, but you have no hands now. So he could probably be like, yeah, you get last year's salary, and you still have to do 12 blogs a week or whatever. Because he was saying it right away. He was like, I found out, because it was like 8%, I think. And that's the thing. And Rico was mad about it. He was like, New York Times is on strike for 3%. Right.

8% is not great, but it's not nothing. You know what I mean? I'm trying to do math in my head. I don't even know what the numbers would be, but it's just like usually I think they used to say like 3% is what is usual inflation in America. And so if you get a 3% raise, that's your company just like keeping up with standard. Now things are different with inflation. But also like, I don't know, nobody else in the company is calculating their inflation and shit.

And that's not to say that Rico or anybody shouldn't, but it's just like, we don't do that here. It's like, you do a good job, you get a raise. If you do a middle of the job, you stay put. Like, I don't know. It's kind of how it goes. I wonder, like, was it a change of heart or was it like, all right, I give up my bluff. Like, you call it my bluff.

Because I wonder that myself. or was it like, all right, I give up my bluff, like you call it my bluff? Because – I wonder that myself. That's going to be the question. If it's the latter, fucking – Yeah. That is ballsy. It's Costanza, man. It's Costanza driving to the Hamptons.

He took that I have another job all the way. For the record, I took my hat off if you're listening to this. It is a ballsy move to be like, I've got this job, I've got this offer, and I'm going. And you're walking out the door and you're like, this is it. Seriously, I'm going, guys. I mean it this time. Just in case you want to know, I went so far as to say goodbye to fights.

That's how real this is. And then open that door and walk through it and you just kind of sit there and you're like waiting for the door to open like, Rico, come back! We miss you! And it just doesn't happen. And then you gotta walk back to that door and be like, okay, never mind. I will be honest, I don't

think I could do that. Even if it was like, this is the best thing for you and your family. Because you don't have the stones? No, no. I have too much pride the other way. I could never tuck tail that extreme and come back. But you also wouldn't come back.

Had I done the... I definitely don't think I... No, I totally have the stones to walk away. If I ever tell you I'm leaving, I'm definitely leaving, guys. I've been here 12 years. I haven't had the stones to walk away. If I ever tell you I'm leaving, I'm definitely leaving, guys. I've been here 12 years. I haven't had the stones to negotiate yet. Don't get me started on walking away.

I haven't been like, well, how about we try this number? You go, this is your number. Sounds good. See you later. I think if I had a real offer, I could play it. But if I didn't have any, if it's totally a made-up thing to take it as far as like, okay, I'm leaving and hope that like Dave's going to call you or something, you know. Maybe, what if, you know, we always say that like.

This is another one that's going to be like fascinatingly interesting to listen back to tomorrow because like I don't know how everything's going to play out. Right. Hopefully that answer comes out whether or not he had the offer for real and didn't take it or never had the offer. What do you think is worse? I think making it up and trying to play them looks like you're being manipulative. Way, way worse.

I think that. I would think Dave would not take very kindly to that. I think that would be – But we are in a different world with Rico. Sanctions. There would be some harsh sanctions placed if that's what is the reality. Because that also opens up a door of like – I mean if it worked, it would be a different story. That's actually like if he got a raise and then found out that it was fake, part of you is like, I don't know, tip your cap.

That was a good bluff. Part of it is like I cannot have a company thinking that your cap. That was a good bluff. Part of it's like, I cannot have a company thinking that they can all fucking do this. You know what I mean? But I... What if, and this might be giving him too much credit,

but we talk about how Rico basically has a job for life, contract for life. He's got a poppy deal. One year every year. Which might not exist. That's where it's like he's at. He's on ground zero now.

But what if he's like, yeah, I know that would take me back. Because that's going to be, we're going to do a negotiation live on Pick'Em next week. And they're going to love the content. So I'm going to take it all the way to the end. Because I know at the end of the day, they'll always take me back. I just don't, his attitude. Is he savvy and ballsy enough to play that? Like, they want the Rico show. So I'm going to give him the full Rico show.

I think he's definitely, like, a masochist in that way where he does, as much as he, like, hates it, also loves the attention on himself, like, subliminally. Yeah, he doesn't realize. I don't think he can realize how much he loves it. I just, his attitude was, like, it was, like, he hired an agent and shit, and I didn't know about the agent, but like if you, if you back up the timeline when it's like this is when he hired the agent and when his attitude drastically changed and he did

become like a lot more mopey and like didn't really have the energy for the pick them and like the pick them was just like constantly like trying to get it out of him and he just wasn't, wasn't giving anything, wasn't really coming to work. That would line up with like him getting, you know him realizing he's leaving at the end of the year. So that, which sucks because it'd be better if he was like, I'm just going to make it a big show and then come back and stuff. I would prefer that way, but all the evidence points to him being like, oh, this is my last year.

I'm just going to go through the motions and be out of here. Which is crazy that he then flipped in one night. I mean, if you want to do that, that's fine. But then you've got to do it. You've got to be like, all right, I have one more year. My agent has told me what number I should be making. And here are the companies that he told me I can get it from. I'm going to go do that. And on the way out, I'll ask Barstool to match it or whatever.

They didn't? OK. But clearly, he had. I was screaming at him what the fuck were you thinking i thought i wanted more money i was like then why did you take it i don't know i just like i just realized like you know i'll never be happy like he said some things that were like all right you know that's that's a step in the right direction but it's like the other analogy i i gave him where i was basically you're climbing up a mountain like

i just climbed up a mountain and like ice climbing up a mountain, and then there's employees below you that you look down upon, figuratively and in your real life, you actually look down on people that you think are below you, which is crazy. But he's always been like that where he thinks if you're not – Totally, totally. If you don't – are up to his standards,

he can just look down on you and bemoan you or whatever. He was saying – I know what he's talking about, but he's like, you know, when you want to play in the bigs, he thought I was preventing that's what the beef was. He thought I was preventing that, which gives way too much credit for the sway I have at this company. And I was like, I don't even know who, I mean, obviously I know who it is, but, like, I would never be like, that's a different league than this people.

I know who he's referring to, but I think we all work at the same company sure sure one group of people i was like you then like literally fell all the way to the bottom in the most like you know catastrophic way possible that everyone in the world now you have a giant magnifying glass on you like bigger than you ever could have possibly imagined like you put the biggest magnifying glass and you're coming back and like you're at the bottom so like all the people that are below you are now above you and like you you have to have the attitude of like i'm at the bottom this is day zero i'm just gonna put my head down and work yeah all of the everything that you built up like three presidencies nine years like that's all gone like

it's day zero the only way this works long term is if you just put your head down for a year. And if you don't, it's not going to work. Like that's why I was like, you don't have any wiggle room. You've lost all the wiggle room you had by fucking doing this.

Like I'm leaving shit, which is all on you. Yeah. It was all like self-inflicted because people are now, it's going to piss me off. And I was like, this is fake.

You guys just have, it's like, I don't like, I mean, I have nothing to do with it anyway. Like, but was all self-inflicted. Because people were like, yeah, it's going to piss me off. I was like, this is fake. I mean, I have nothing to do with it anyway. I'm the one rider, but it's like, I don't, you know. It's just like, I'm sick. It's like, I want him to just put his head down and not be a fucking diva. No, you don't.

You don't want Rico to just be a quiet employee. You want him to be Rico. I want him to survive. I'm worried about his survival. And actually, we don't. You don't want Rico to just be a quiet employee. You want him to be Rico. I want him to survive. I'm worried about his survival. And actually, we showed the numbers. He was the number four blogger. So, like, I don't even get why he won't do it. It's like, you're good at this and you're shining.

Do it. The other analogy I gave him, which I'm curious to hear your guys' inputs, where I was like, Rico, like, look at it. Like, what you don't understand, because he always talks about resources. He always talks about, like, I can't run into this i'm like dude like kevin dan dave didn't have any resources any camera guys they built up their personalities through the blog for like five years yeah like that's how they got to the point and then they started having shows and they started producers like you don't like you should look at it the same way and you don't have to do five years do one year of just blogging like look at yourself as a blogger

first and then all that shit will come also that excuse uh used to carry a lot more weight like several years ago you know how many fucking superstars are on the internet right now they don't work for a media company they don't have any of this they have their phone and their dance routine or their jokes or their whatever you know so that doesn't even fly anymore you can be mad that other people have resources at the company and you don't but it's not an excuse to why you're not at a certain level you know um and you know there are plenty bob fox hasn't had a producer ever bob fox does all his own shit on all his shows that's crazy crazy yeah and you know he's not happy about it but he also doesn't fucking whine every 25 seconds Fox hasn't had a producer ever. Fox does all his own shit on all his shows. That's crazy. Crazy. Yeah.

And, you know, he's not happy about it, but he also doesn't fucking whine every 25 seconds about it. And, you know. I also think, I think what you're asking is, like, I think the blog is, we've said this countless times, no one seems to listen or care. I mean, I'll be straight up, I'll say it with you guys. I've said it privately. There are some fucking, I've read, I'm not going to name names, dude.

Dude, there are some fucking piss poor dog shit blogs. Like dog shit blogs. What I get even more upset about is I will – Dude, I read one the other day. I texted – I don't really do a lot of gossip type thing. I texted one of the people. I was like, what the fuck is this doing on this? Not only because it was, I clicked it from Twitter.

I was like, oh, I'm interested in this story. Yeah. And I clicked it, and I was like, I read it. Like, my jaw was agape. I was, I was like, you have to be fucking kidding me. It was, dude, it was fucking awesome. Like, it was uninteresting. Just say the name and we'll bleep it.

No. We'll bleep it. No. No, you'll bleep it. It was uninteresting. Say the name and we'll bleep it. No. We'll bleep it. No. No, you'll bleep it. It was fucking... It was... It was atrocious. It was a flabbergasting angle to take.

It wasn't... People on the website don't even take angles. They're not trying to be funny anymore. Right, right. It's just like, here's a story and let me regurgitate what the actual news report said. The problem is that we used it to build a character. We all did. It's like I had the cubicle stuff because I was talking about corporate life,

and Dan's doing touching fucking stingrays and shit. I mean, sometimes you just regurgitate. You're just like, here's a story. I don't think I ever regurgitated a story. I at least tried to make it funny. Right. I mean, sometimes you just, here's a story i don't think i ever regurgitated this story i at least tried to make it funny right that i meant sometimes you just here's a story and you do it not like i know let me think about here's a funny video this is why it's funny don't get me wrong or here's how i relate to it sure don't get me wrong i've failed at being funny a million times but every time i was at least fucking trying i'm just saying that there were also times like

i would write a story about donuts i would write write a story about New York. Things that were you, and then fans come to know that about you, so they send those to you, and you have a persona. It's the biggest resource we've got. You know how many people would kill if you just had, here's the keys to a fucking blog that I don't even know how many hundreds of thousands of people read still? You can post a picture of your fucking anal glands, and it's going to get at least 50,000 views.

Right. Anal glands will get you fucking big numbers, bro. Like, you can put whatever the fuck you want. You're going to get at least 50,000 or 100,000 eyes on it. Yeah. And people just don't do it. He's like, does it still move the needles? I was like, dude, I don't realize we've grown a lot.

Like, the page views that were happening in fucking 2013, it's like 10 times more now. Right, it's actually more people.o and like all that shit like you're the exposure they got you can get times 10 like totally and if and that's why i was like just do it for a year like put your head down for a year because he's already started about other shows and shit i'm like dude just like grab your or grab your phone he hates blogging look at jack look at jack with jack mcdowell's with tiktok like he was never supposed to be a fucking uh personality and still no one does it into one and like it's screaming from a fucking personality. And still no one does it.

He's turning into one. And like, it's screaming from the fucking rooftops. Just make a green screen video and nobody will do it. And then you complain and it's like, what the fuck? I will. I'm going to defend that because this is turning into a completely different podcast. I'm going to defend that just because, and I'm speaking just for myself here. You have kind of cornered the market and then Jack Mac does it and other people do it. And I get it. for myself here. You have kind of cornered the market, and then Jack Mack does it, and other people do it.

And I get it. I get it why it is illogical to feel this way, but it's like I'm stealing their thing. It is illogical, but it is the emotion. But it's the same thing as saying – It's like doing a podcast is stealing a podcast. Yeah, it would be the same thing as saying you write blogs, I can't write blogs. But it also is the video form of blog. The other day, my one-minute man, I don't remember which one it was.

I listened to it back, and it was literally like I would have typed those words out on the fucking paragraph. Like joke for joke, word for word, cadence for cadence. I was like, that was a blog that I just spoke. And so it's just a new way to do that, you know mean i appreciate it you know thank you for fucking being like that's your thing but talking about topics into a phone is nobody's thing on the internet that's no i know but it and also it just becomes when too many people doing it then it's watered down i just you gotta have a good hook or whatever now you can't just be like i'm lucky like i started it so i can just do everything but but everyone else should probably have an

angle. Also, by the way, try some shit. Try the green screen if it doesn't work. Try the blog. It did work. You should keep doing it. Try this. Try that. That's the way it works. But I also, it's

a very weird spot to be in. I think when Dan and Dave were like, we could plug anyone in this show. I don't know if that's true. I don't think they said that. I thought Dave said the opposite. And he's like, kind of like, the show won't be. Big Hal is kind of leaning that way. Like, oh, we're going to find someone in Big Hal.

Or Dave was like, it's never going to be the same show. That's the clip I saw. Which is true. I think it was more like, you know, you don't make this show. We do. And, like, if you put anybody together with us, this show will succeed. Like, I don't think Rico can take credit for the Pick'Em being, like, a big show. But I do think he can take credit for, like, it being this show.

That kind of show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's where I can see him being, like, I am a pretty integral part of the gambling show with the two biggest gambling guys at the gambling company. I think I should have some power and some negotiation, but I think he just misplays it. Also, the other funny analogy that he brought up with that, though, and applies is funny because the other big gambling show is Advisors, and the same situation with Stu where it's like,

you know, Stu is the star of the show, and he's kind of the draw in the same situation with Stu where it's like you know Stu is the star of the show and he's kind of the draw in the same way that Rico's draw Stu also doesn't get paid anything

yes so he's like I should be getting to what Stu's getting and Dave was like what Stu runs into Dave's room he told us

he goes I want a million fucking dollars I'm the star of that show and he goes Stu I could find another one of you like tomorrow

and he's like okay well give me a little bit of a raise And Dave's like okay I have like 80,000 And he's like okay sounds good And that's how it should probably be with Rico So I mean it's like Anyway this is all kind of the same conversation we have But the return is just the fucking I mean people are going to call it fake

It's going to It's not fake but it's utterly ridiculous It also might play out terribly tonight and there is no yeah we'll see now that's like so what do you know where like what is this this this time period that we're in like i know that dave asked me to do the rundown today i thought it was that i was like oh there's gonna be like an emergency thing with rico and he was like no no this is just everything i missed he was like we can do a rico segment if you want so i was like has, does he even know?

Like, what's going on? Where are we at? My guess, I know they're not happy. Like, I know they're, like, both kind of pissed off just, like, in general. Because I think the same thing where it's like everyone's going to be like, this is fake. And, like, you guys are just doing this for a show. And it's like they're not. So I think it's going to basically play out where Dave will probably have some absurd, what we call sanctions.

And then if Rico doesn't I think Rico's going to have to take it. He has to take it. I don't know. He has to. I don't know if he will. Because he is too proud. And it's going to be some shit like he has to wear

a silly shirt or he has to go on a show with fucking Tico every day or whatever the fuck he comes up with and he's gonna be like well you know i can't do that i'm a man you know it's like well which are you tucking your tail or are you not you know day zero that's i keep telling which is hard man who can shot yourself in the fuck who walks into a job on day zero and says i need this isn't this like you have nothing you have no room to stand it's it's very hard to truly like humble yourself in anything like if you you fuck up as an athlete or you know in your corporate

job you you get moved or whatever and it's like you went from the top to the bottom dennis schroeder yeah yeah yeah right it's it is not a an easy thing you can you can say it but to truly be like you know when some when if he comes back and some you know lower level person is like clowning him or telling him what to do or whatever he's got to genuinely be like okay yeah like i got it yeah and that's i mean all this that's what made a fuck ton of enemies and we were going i was going through like i was going through a laundry list i was like we're breaking this down point by point because i was like i need like i was like it doesn't matter whether you agree or not.

You have to understand that this is what your boss is saying. You have to accept this as the reality and then fix it. Similar to what I was saying last week

or last time I was on when I was like, I hated, we were talking about the whole thing. I was like, I hated being a fuck up. I knew that was my perception.

Everyone thought I was a fuck up, like dumb fuck up. Everything I did was going to be a fuck up and I hated it. That's why I was going to leave and then when I decided to come back, I was like, I need need to change this the only way you can change

this is just by like showing it like there's nothing you can say or do or no matter what you think like you have to just convince people otherwise and it takes a long ass time so i was like just do it for a year play nice with everyone don't think of yourself as a blogger and like in a year i'm sure you'll be in a better place and you'll see it. But it's not going to happen overnight. And he doesn't think that way. And the counting money shit is the one thing that whenever you talk to me about that, I would get pissed off. I'm like, dude, you can't worry about other people.

If you worry about other people here, you're going to lose your mind. I don't give a fuck what anyone else does or what anyone else makes. Good for them. I'm just going to try and do what I can do for myself. That is the very mature and correct way to handle it. But I also do understand this place is very chatty, and numbers get leaked all the time. And sometimes you're like, wait, fucking who makes what?

You know, it definitely gets a little bit like, you know. But I've had that talk with him like five times. And every time he does it again, I it again I was like Rico like this is the thing like you keep like that's that's if you're gonna come back you have to just accept like I'm not gonna worry about I'm not gonna worry about it like we've had this talk five times it hasn't happened so it's like yeah yeah we're having it again and you keep saying like I'm gonna change everything but it's like yeah I've had this talk with you like six times like why like and it's like don't even even if you worry about it why are you bringing it up with me because every time I'm like dude just stop

I really don't give a fuck what anyone else makes good for them you just gotta worry about yourself he has what you can't buy in a character and a persona and the energy if he did a video series where he just

very like once a week like not very often because it can be overkill, when he used to call Barstool Radio like Fridays at 4.59 and be like, what's going on? And he would be excited and the music plays and everyone was into it. He wants to do X's and O's and talk about college basketball. It's like, how about you be Rico Bosco from Staten Island, New York, the firefighter who also has opinions on sports? You'll be like Tommy, old school Tommy or the mozzarella cheese guy or any of these fucking characters.

There's plenty of people who don't have any character or any persona or anything, and they're trying to make it. You have one. You're not using it. Yeah, I'm very interested to see how it goes. I want to know whether there was a real offer or not whether that was totally fake or because on the one hand it's ballsy and i took my cap on the other hand it's uh very poorly executed so it's like well you know then you're dumb i don't i'll probably say it's nice i don't think it matters he'll get mad at this but

i don't i feel like he didn't have an offer but i don't think he had a contract in front of him that he could have signed. Right. I don't know. He probably had a conversation or two with someone who said, there's a spot for you over here if you want it. Yeah. I didn't hear anything from anybody in the industry. It's hard to imagine.

Again, you go through the whole song and dance of, I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving. I have this contract, whatever. Double my salary. And then overnight. Like, he's not an overnight, like, I made a mistake, I'm coming back. That's just not how he is. Right, right, right.

So is the reason why this is all, like, we're up in the air is because you're waiting for Pickham? Is that what's happening? We're doing Pickham tonight. Tonight, okay. So we'll have the answer tonight, basically? Yeah. Well, as you listen to this, we'll have a... I'm sure. I don't know. I hope he does reveal whether or not, you know,

I hope he comes clean. It's like... Is he... Have you talked to him about coming tonight? I haven't talked to him since Friday. Like, will you guys start the show and be like, he might walk through the door, he might not? No, he's coming tonight. Okay, so we know that for sure. Yeah. Alright. Alright, well, I mean, it's a little weird because by the time you're listening to this, we'll have...

It's a good plug for the pickle. Go listen. Hopefully he listens first. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a little weird because by the time you're listening to this, we'll know the answer. It's a good plug for the pickle. Go listen. Hopefully you listen to yours first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. At this point, we're going to have to have you on a third time. The Rico Chronicles has told the gospel according to Hank. All right, go rest that voice, buddy.

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You can have a New Year's party anyway. And the thing is, these are fucking timeless. Also, check out on our... You know what? Can we just put the Frank video in here? Yes. So we went around the office playing Who's the Biggest Asshole? with people. Colleen handed out cards. Everyone read them and weighed in on who the biggest

asshole is until we got to Frank the Tank. This was Frank Fleming playing who's the biggest asshole. Alright. When it's my turn to order pizza for game night, I always get pineapple on it. Everyone else hates it,

but it's not like it's hard to pick off the pineapple. Who's the biggest asshole? Who's the biggest asshole? Well, right now I would say there's a lot of contenders. One I would definitely say Collinsworth. I fucking hate him. No, who's in that scenario? Oh. I think it's going to be who orders pineapple because pineapple doesn't belong on a pizza. There's a moment in that video where you know

where it's going. Not to Chris Collinsworth. I never in a million years thought Chris Collinsworth was coming out. You can tell he did not know he was supposed to answer about the pineapple pizza. If I may say so about Who's the Biggest Asshole, and I don't think this is an insult to us, it's a very simple game. So simple.

That was the pitch. It's easier than ATI. Made by simple minds. Yes. And it's not a profound game. It is a game where you get to talk shit about people behind their back. Amen. For being assholes.

Amen. And it's incredibly fun. Somehow it didn't register with Frank. When he read it, the moment he went, and laughed like counter-oculate and then just put it down. I was like, this guy does not know what he's supposed to be doing. And then when she posed the question,

he goes, oh, jeez. Because there's no oh, jeez geez there's two people in the story it's either the pineapple orderer or the pineapple complainer so you can't be like oh boy i gotta think and then chris collinsworth gets a gets a ricochet shot that was that was brutal i like collins i don't know why people don't like collins i don't know i think largely collinsworth is light i think i think people sometimes get annoyed by him but i think collinsworth's a character dude. Collinsworth's a funny guy. It's like Joe Buck.

Yeah. But Buck was hated because he was modern, and people have come around on that as well, which I never fucking got off that boat. Wait, what? You're a pro Buck? Pro Buck. I've been pro Buck since day fucking one. Yeah, never wavered.

Except the David Tyree catch is like, it's unexplainable. I don't remember that. It's just like, Eli scrambles, throws it downfield. Tyree catches it. It's like, that's it. It's crazy. Because he was so fucking. He was rooting for the Patriots.

No, he was just so befuddled why those holds weren't called. Richard Seymour just got tackled. What the fuck was that? But anyway, but Buck, he was more monotone. Collinwood's a character. Collinwood gets up. He gets going. He slides too.

Okay, this is a good one. I think this is an interesting one. I drank too much and threw up on my friend's new couch, but she is the one who pressured me to have another shot after I said I was calling it for the night. I think that is...

I would hire a lawyer for this one. Well, you're never an asshole for throwing up. No. No. No. You're never an asshole for overindulging. You're never an asshole for being over-served. It is... You have to clean it up, and that's your thing. But you're not an asshole. How about served It is You have to clean it up

And that's your thing But you're not an asshole How about that guy in Philly You threw up on that little girl You have to apologize You're like sorry Shouldn't have been standing there I actually

John representing for the pukers all around the world I genuinely think that is an overblown story Look if he was standing over there and was like He was like oh fuck I'm so sorry. Let me get a napkin. I don't think he did that. If he did, that is like, I don't know, like accidents happen. Yeah, yeah.

But I also think that if you are in this situation where you're like, fuck you, you puke on the person in front of you. Fuck you, little girl. No, but I bet you he was so out of it, he didn't even know. I don't know. And then there's a girl covered in puke. It's a pretty sobering moment. And I don't want to go out of my way to defend this guy because I don't know. And then there's a girl covered in puke. It's a pretty sobering moment. I don't want to go out of my way

to defend this guy because I don't know the situation. He's dead? Yeah, he was also like a child molester. So you don't want to make this guy sad. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he got hit with the charge afterwards and if that's not true, it's no big deal because he's fucking dead. Yeah. As someone who's puked on numerous occasions and peed in numerous places,

it is... Did you see the tweet? It was the clip of you being like, you're fucking, not only were you making fun of Pabst for the, you were saying how gross the toothbrush was. Yes.

But you also did throw in a line and I almost brought this up too. You're like, that's too long to be using one toothbrush anyway. So you and your boy have been sharing a toothbrush for like six months, you say? Six months. Bro, first of all, that's too long to have a toothbrush. Well, maybe

that's six months. Maybe like fucking American Dental Association over here. When he said he hadn't seen a toothbrush in six months. And someone said, the guy who wet the bed sober as an adult sure has a lot of thoughts about how often to change your toothbrush. You know, that guy's making some sense. I only know

because it fucking tells you on the side of the toothbrush. It's like when your water bottle's empty, you're like, well, time for a new water bottle. Right, but like... Because you can tell it's a little frayed. You're like, all right, I'll just pick up a new fucking toothbrush. I guess, but it's also like, you know, you should change your Brita filter. How many times do you do that? Oh, literally never once.

Never. You should change your sheets. How often do you do that? Only when you're pooping them. Like, there's a million things that you should do and that they're easy to do that we don't do as guys because we don't give a fuck yeah yeah yeah pretty regularly like flip your mattress or you know like i flip mattress locks i fucking hate my mattress i need a new mattress gotta get it on helixsleep.com slash kfc um i think well if you if you like i will never get mad at someone for peeing or puking or whatever

i'll never get mad at someone i've had people puke on my couch i've had people who work in this company puke on my couch i had a friend piss on my couch so bad that it was dripping like it like he passed out early so we were still partying and kind of all of a sudden we heard like a like dripping and he it like it soaked in and then like puddled up somewhere it was just pool of piss. And this was after. So we have one friend. He's a fucking Adonis, like brick shithouse, jacked.

And he got so hammered. I think he might have been drugged or something because he was like Blanca from Street Fighter. He was like a monster pinballing down the street. And he was like throwing shoulders into cars and jumping on the hoods of cars and shit. And we had to like wrangle him. It was like trying to bring a baboon home. And so he was just absolutely blacked. And then we just threw him on the couch and he pissed everywhere. And the next

morning I think he woke up and was just like anybody want a breakfast sandwich? I think if you do all that, you gotta apologize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we we were like you're not even gonna apologize for fucking I'll profusely apologize once I get a buzz on all I do is apologize I'm so afraid

I feel like I feel like once you've ever been in a situation where you're sober or anytime you're not the asshole in a situation and you see how bad that person looks or how much they're annoying other people like the minute i feel like i'm ever that guy you know like as soon as alcohol touches my lips like don't be that guy don't be that guy i talk low i apologize i turn into like i i sorry what happens is like like

you know like when they say like when you get drunk, your inner beast comes out or whatever? And I actually think that might be true because when I get drunk, I just start apologizing for existing. I'm so sorry. I think it's like the beast is like I keep it at bay because I'm like, I don't want to be that guy. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. So I think you're – But what I really –

Who you are. I'm apologizing. My Superman thoughts are like, I'm so sorry. I fucking suck. I know. I know. I suck. I'm so sorry.

It's like, dude, yeah, we're just having a bottle of wine. Calm down. I think – I also think this is a very big Glass House thing. Like you can be all high and mighty. And this is in life in general. I go through this a lot with people who talk shit about my divorce. And then they'll like circle back around and be like, yeah, I got divorced too, man. Like, sorry for all those things I said.

And it's like, yeah, it's easy. If you haven't pissed or thrown up or blacked out, thrown a punch, like done anything before, you get all high and mighty. And then it's like, okay, you're like 20 years old, bud. Wait, give it a couple years before. Inevitably, you'll be that asshole. And when you're that asshole, you want forgiveness. You want people to just be cool about it.

So until you've done some dumb shit, threw up all over the couch, whatever, how could you do that? Very easily, man. I assure you, I give nothing but grace. Yeah, yeah. I know what I've done to fuck up, and, man. I assure you, I give nothing but grace. Yeah, yeah. I know what I've done to fuck up and I know what I will do

in the future to fuck up. I assure you, I am not a grudge holder. I'm not a person who, you could come in and fuck it. You don't have to piss on the couch. You can come in sober, knock on my door,

I'll answer it, you piss, and I'll be like, dude, it's cool. I'm like, I'll give you more slack. I'll clean it up for you. It's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't ever, if the tables are turned, I want you to remember that. Honestly, I don't even want you to remember it. It's just like – it's my own conscious. I will be better knowing that I'm not someone who yells at people about this. All that being said, you got to be able to hold your liquor. You shouldn't be puking on people's – if this is like a regular thing, it's a problem. A regular thing, right.

But this doesn't say it's a regular thing. I'm just saying you can't give a full pass. You know, Joe List shitting in someone's shoe. Breaking their table. He did it once. Everyone gets one shoe to poop in. Right. Flip side. I think the one more shot

guy is an asshole. I think they're a necessary asshole. I think you want to have him in your crew. I think it's a good person to have. You need that person around for the other 99% of the time because he's the life of the party and you'll do some crazy shit and all that. But in that 1% moment where he's making you do tequila at like 3 a.m. where it's like there's literally no reason

for this other than to make the high number worse. But there's never a reason. It's just a good time. But in the beginning, yeah. I'm never going to force it on you. But I'm going to suggest it. Come on. I'll give you a come on. That's on you then. That's your willpower.

I don't have any. I'm drunk. You're preying upon me. You're grooming me. I'm not going to be like, come on. I'm talking to pussies. I'm not going to be like that. I hate that. I'll give you a one. Come on.

Come on. Come on, dude. The thing about it. What's one more? People also don't. This is I'm going to get New York on it because it's like a lot of times your last shot is like midnight. You know, sometimes people are doing shots when the sun's coming up.

Yeah. It's like for fucking what, man? This is going to just be puked out, like, on your couch in 15 minutes. So I kind of think it's like you re-put your soap. This is going to be sweat out in two days. Yeah, that's really going to happen. So I think the last shot guy is a bigger asshole than the puker. Puking happens.

I think I'm going to give it. Nobody's the asshole here. No one's the asshole. Ooh, this is diabolical. Jay, I need you to weigh in on this. My friend asked to tell her which outfit looked better for a party. I'm going to assume this is a female and or a gay guy. My friend asked to tell me which outfit looked better for a party,

and I picked the uglier one because the guy we're both into was going to be there. I'm going to assume it's a woman. Yeah. Look at that. It's a gay guy who fucking shoots for the stars. Shoots for the moon and the most stars. It's fucked up, obviously. Sometimes I always, like, debate if my friends are telling me, like, the truth or whatever.

Really? Well, you have terrible friends yeah no no no they are good friends I just get paranoid I'm like well you're just saying that to hype me up yeah or but or sometimes I think this is also a card in there it's like like if my friends ask me and like I don't want to tell them that it

looks bad because like I feel bad yeah of course it sucks then then I don't want to tell them that it looks bad because like I feel bad like yeah of course it sucks then then I won't like I feel like I'm the asshole in that situation yeah I won't I'll never tell you you look bad no uh no see I don't know people are like depends like to me I always say like tell me if I have a fucking booger in my nose let me know that I that's different that's an easy fix let me know but it's not like you're like i bought some outfits like it's tough but i but i do get mad when i'm like i think you should change right but so so here's the thing if you ask the question this is put this aside for a second that scenario in general if you ask someone like do how does this outfit look you are opening yourself

and you want like a true answer. You then, you then cannot be like, well, that was rude. You know? I mean, if the person is like,

you look like a bag of shit, let me tell you why this, this, that, you know, but if you just say like, uh, I like the other one better.

Oh, what do I look fucking terrible? Like that's what you should do. By the way, everybody should give somebody two choices and that way they can just say an answer. The affirmative. I love that one. And it doesn't mean, you know, the other one's whatever. But, you know, people

are always like, I want, you know, I don't want, girls, you know, when it's like, do I look fat in this? It's like, the girls are like, no, I'm asking you, I really want to know. It's like, no, you don't. Because the minute, even if you say that, in the minute that your boyfriend says to your face, yeah, that makes you look fat, the relationship's over, to be honest.

That's it. He'll never forget that. But also, I disagree. I don't. Have you met girls? I don't think that's strictly girls. I think guys are the same way. I don't want to say it's a relationship over, but guys will be deeply hurt if you're like that.

But also, you're a fucking person right you put on clothes in the mirror before and you've gone that makes me look fat i think here's the answer it's very similar to what we do here when people ask uh should we leave should we leave that that that clip in should i send this tweet or is it like too much you know and it's like if you're already asking you know the answer yeah but but because that's true i think if you're if it's in your head like i look pretty fat first of all it's already in your head yeah so you're gonna think it no matter what really and and if you and and what's the what's the risk like if you're thinking you look fat you definitely don't think you look hot. You're hoping for not fat.

You're hoping for just okay. Change the outfit. But here's the deal. Unless you're fucking fat. I really like this outfit. I really like these clothes. If I'm wrong, if it is just bias and someone gassing up, because it's happened. I think we resort

back to that a lot. With the tweet thing, where it's like, if you're asking, but sometimes it's just a fucking hilarious tweet, and I'm being a pussy. And, like, I've done that before, and it's like, no, fucking send that shit, dude. That's hilarious. It's also, to me, like, the juice worth the squeeze. It's like, you know, you're not fucking walking the runway tonight. If you're going to walk around, and some people might think you look fat, but some people

are going to be like, that's a nice color. That's not worth having a bunch of people think I'm fat. I've looked in the mirror before and been like, oh, I look fat, but some people are going to be like, that's a nice color. That's not worth having a bunch of people think I'm fat. I've looked in the mirror before and been like, oh, I look fat. And then someone's like, dude, you look fucking awesome. And I'm like, oh, I don't mind. Fuck it. And I go off feeling great. That's what you need.

You can be changed. What you need is a hype man in these situations. Sometimes I'll ask just if I kind of am fishing for compliments. Yeah. Well, so here's the thing. Are you? Do you look good? Do you look good and you want to compliment?

Do you actually want a real discussion? Or it's almost like when you're venting. It's like, you know, do I actually want honest feedback about my boss? Or do I want you to just be like, man, your boss is an asshole. Yeah. Rather than being like, which I think is so lame. But just like that. You don't have opinions. Go talk to the mirror then. What the fuck do you want? than being like, well, actually... Which I think is so lame. But just... Like that. You don't want my opinions?

Go talk to the mirror then. What the fuck do you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes, I get when sometimes people just want to fucking act like someone else agrees with them.

I never ask if I look fat if I think I look fat because I don't want to know the answer. Yeah, I honestly don't think I've ever really... I think once it's gotten to the point where

you're specifically saying, am I fat? I think you, in your heart, already look and feel fat. So you probably should change your outfit. If you're asking, am I fat? And it's different for girls because you're never going to wear something that's exposing. I know for sure today my outfit makes you look fat. I don't fucking care.

I like it. I'm wearing a chunky-ass sweater and baggy-ass pants. Yeah, yeah. But if you were wearing a fucking crop top and baggy ass pants. Yeah, yeah. But if you were wearing like a fucking crop top and, you know, your stomach was out and. But that's not like, that's not. That's what girls are doing. Does this make me look fat? That's not, because no one asked that.

Because it's not, like, you can see, like, your fat, whether it's, you know, whether or not you're obese is a different thing, but like, your stomach is hanging out. So you're not asking if it makes you look fat. You can see you're fat. Yeah, it's almost like. i'm not saying you can see you are fat i'm saying why oh you are you're possessive fat you you can see your muffin top so like you're not like that's not your fat that's not an ask you that's not an outfit we're like do i look fat that's like i can see like it's it's everything i can see it all out right now okay

wait an outfit you guys you ask me to look fat I'm like fucking like form-fitting clothes and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not really like the crop top stuff. Just hugging me too tight or whatever. Now, the diabolical sabotage. Where are we falling at? Because part of me is like all's fair in love and war. Like as long as, you know, you're not like stealing somebody's significant other or whatever.

You're definitively an asshole. You're sabotaging someone. You're sabotaging someone to the extent where you're letting them go out looking awful so you can hopefully fuck a dude. Bro, you can fuck anybody you want. But they want to fuck that one guy.

But you'd still try and fuck them. But that is a... That's dirty pool, dude. That's a grimy move. It's a grimy move. It's just fucking weird also. I don't know. I've never been in a competition for someone.

I don't know if you have. I've never had me and my friend both interested in the same girl. Never. At least not that I've... I've also any time even like... I really have never experienced it. I'm sure I'm like elementary school, but I mean like. If somebody was, if I liked a chick and I saw my buddy swooping, I'd be like, well, that's it.

I wouldn't be like, I must fight for her. I'd get a buzz on and be like, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, I like this one as well. The bartender at my local bar is super friendly and always wants to chat. The other day I had a bad day at work, and I told him, I'm just looking for a quiet drink tonight. He's been really cold with me ever since. I've been in this.

I've been in here before. I get this. And you're an asshole. For stopping the conversation. You got to just fucking roll with it, man. Yeah, there have been a thousand times where I've been in an empty bar, and I just want to fucking chill and i've ended up with a chatty bar and like a bartender i'm friends with or yeah or a chatty bartender one way or the other where i might do like i just in

my head i'm like i just want some peace and quiet right now similar to an uber driver too where sometimes you just gotta like fucking ride with it and and particularly if it's at your local watering hole and you're friends with the bartender, like, you went there. You went to a place where you know you're friends with the bartender. Yes, yes. They're going to want to talk to you. Also, it's like if you go to a,

yeah, if you go to like a place you don't know, you can blow that bartender up and just never go again. Yeah. If you want to continue this, like, you know, I'm sure you get some free drinks and preferential treatment, then you've got to put some work into the relationship.

And guess what? 90% of the time he's listening to your bullshit. I know. Today you're listening to his. Right, right. Yeah. And also it's – Bartenders can do no wrong in my eyes.

It's also easy enough – As long as you fucking serve me drinks, I'm fucking fine. And they do deal with so much bullshit that it's like, be the good patron, you know? I also think it's very easy to just be like, give some one-word answers. You're not chatty Cathy. He'll probably get the point. Yeah, he's a pretty good reader of social cues. And he'll probably be like, oh, that guy's in a bad mood after a few questions and leave you alone.

But for you to be like, do not talk to me. I hate people like that, by the way, where it's like, I'm having such a bad day. You're having such a bad day. You cannot even converse. Go home and pull the blinds down, you fucking losers. Yeah, like, if you don't want any sort of interaction, don't go out in public. The people who are, like, and I'm sure that your bad day is, like, what? Your boss told you, like, you need to do a better job at work.

Something like that, you know? Bad day. Everyone who has a bad day is like, dude, shut the fuck up. Unless you are, like, a firefighter. It's like, well, you know, I lost a buddy in a five alarm blaze. It's a bad day. Are you a soldier? Did someone, like, otherwise, like, a bad day at work, I had a bad day

at work. You can have a long day at work. Sure. Because I'll get those. I have long days at work. You can have bad days, too. They're all bad. They're all terrible. But even a bad day, stop being a pussy. Just shut the fuck up. It is... I like when, like, we've talked about this before, but when people are like, don't even talk to me if you haven't worked in the fucking food service industry, which, again, I have,

so I can say this. It's not that bad. I was going to say. It's fucking not bad. And I haven't really worked behind a counter once, but I can tell you that, you know, if I was waiting tables, I would just say to myself, man, this fucking sucks, and I wouldn't Act out. Occasionally you run into a great people.

Right. Like any other job ever. I've worked in retail too guess what sometimes people are assholes sometimes people are totally normal it is just every fucking job ever which is pretty much the answer to all these questions in this game a little spoiler alert everyone's kind of an asshole and everyone's kind of a good person we are living in the future and that means a couple things number one that means you got uh credit cards with microchips in them. Number two, that means there are criminals out there who are trying to steal from you using those credit cards with those microchips. cards and other paraphernalia in your wallets where you need a big fat leather satchel. We're talking about sleek wallets that can carry those

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Get 40% of all of that stuff through December 22nd. We'll do another little one-minute man wrap-up on KFC Radio. We'll rattle through some of the topics floating around right now. Drake's 42-diamond necklace. The quote-unquote previous engagements necklace has 42 diamonds from engagement rings from BlueNile.com slash KFC that he says represents the 42 times he almost proposed to a girl. It's got 351 carats. It's probably got to be. When you think that the Kobe ring was $4 million,

talking 42 rings that are probably... It's got to be... I don't think those diamonds were the cheap ones. They're the nice ones. It's got to be $10 million or whatever. Anyway. Dude, just come out of the closet. You're gay. Just come out of the fucking closet.

You're a gay dude. I think we should have known when he put the heart in his in his hair but like like like Madison goes up to you hey what's the deal with that lady necklace you wearing we're doing with the cleavage down it's like it's like it's a cleavage necklace and be like it's for all the girls I wanted to it's it's 40 year old gay guy Burgess. Shut up, gay guy. I mean, look at that picture. Oh, yo. Dude, like, yo.

Also, you know what his latest music video was? 23 Wives. It's like, this is the one where I'm totally marrying so many chicks, bro. I'm so straight.

I'm married. You know what the gayest thing in the world is? You know what the gayest thing you can do in the world? Marry a chick. It's the gayest thing ever is getting married to a girl.

And Drake's like, I'm so monogamous. Incense in your house. Gay. Gay. You marry a chick, your house starts smelling all pleasant and welcoming

and shit. Gay. It's just gay. For real, man. Start getting things put away and organized. You marry a chick, your fucking dishwasher

gets emptied. Gay. Gay. You marry a chick and you have all of a sudden all your silverware matches. Gay. You marry a girl, you don't smell your underwear before you gets emptied. Gay. Gay. You marry a chick and you have all of a sudden all your silverware matches. Gay. You marry a girl you don't smell your underwear before you put it on. Gay.

Look at that picture, bro. Come on. Come on. Come on, man. You gay. You gay. And this is coming from two gay guys. That's not even gay. That's like fucking P. That's what? P. P? P. P-E. P-E-D-O. P-E-D-O. P-E-D-O. P-E-D-E-D-O P-E-D-O P-E-D-O The 23 wives

Into the 42 engagement rings I mean like Hey Drake I like you a lot dude But also I don't believe I don't believe you That you almost But here's the thing

Do you think that he Do you think this is like he thinks this is real like dude dude that's a lady necklace that is a that is straight up

a lady you know what that is that looks like that looks like that looks like a very elegant necklace to wear out to the opera that looks like the woman on the Titanic

wore that necklace yeah and the bottom neck the bottom diamond was the one that fell into the ocean that's some shit that like James Bond's girlfriend would wear to a high-end poker game. Absolutely. This is like, my tits look great, and I'm going to put some diamonds in the middle of them.

Zsa Zsa Gabor would wear that. I don't even know who that is, but that's gay shit, right? And the fact that he... When I saw that, I actually said to myself, Oh, this is just like an avant-garde, like this is just a thing that sits on a mannequin and we talk about it. And then you see him wearing it. It's okay, Drake.

But you know what? Even let's throw out. Drake got turned down by so many women. He actually was like, maybe I'll try guys for a little bit. 42 engagement rings is so stupid. And I understand if you were to make this necklace for real, it would only have maybe two diamonds. Because people only like... You would maybe only think about...

The only maybe engagements you have maximum is like... Maximum would be like three. I've had one and it was not after my brain was fully... It was before my brain was fully... Yeah, right. So you have like one when you're a kid you have like one where you know you thought she was the one and she dumped you maybe you have one where you thought she was the one and you end up dumping her and then you find like the one so like it's like and that's like maybe i've had a bunch where i was like oh this is gonna make me mad here i gotta i gotta defend drake real quick

oh fucking a because I think this is like Drake's version of what Kanye's doing how much can I do without actually being cancelled this is like how cringy and gay can I be what an interesting angle to take and still be considered the goat

I can say put aside the gay thing for a second it's the corniness and the cringiness. By the way, I don't think his homosexuality changes the fact that he's gay. I fucking love gay. Yeah, no, no. I think he is one of the greatest drivers of all time. But I think more so than gay, it's more corny and cringy than it is even gay. And I'm saying a lot because it's super gay.

I, like, does he think... How many girls have you tried to marry? I tried to marry 42. 42 of them. That's like you being like, yeah, sex lastly in like an hour and a half, right? Yeah. 40 minutes is what I said. Do you think that he thinks that people believe this?

Do you guys – like I just think this is a story to make a really fat fucking necklace. You know, this is all just for publicity. Right. Like everything. But that makes it even lamer because he's like, you know what's a cool story, like a thing that will be cool? What if I tell the people I almost got engaged 42 times? It's like, you're a rapper.

You want to know what actually cool people do? They do publicity shit like this and also make good music. Happy birthday, Taylor Swift. Happy birthday to my dad. Same birthday as Taylor? Yeah. The 13th, right? Yeah. Also, happy birthday to Shea Same birthday as Taylor? Yeah The 13th right? Yeah

Also happy birthday to Shea Girl On the 12th It was a shitty cold snowy day Could have been fucking We could have done it June 12th Could have had that summer birthday The OGs know Avatar 2 is almost out

Officially out People have seen early screenings of it Where are we at with that Nick? Some theaters? I think it's out It should be out now It comes out Thursday night Avatar 2 is almost out, officially out. People have seen early screenings of it. Where are we at with that, Nick? Like some theaters or whatever? I think it's out. It should be out now. It comes out Thursday night, but they usually do it all day Thursday night. No doubt that this movie sucks in my mind and that everyone's going to suck its dick.

I'm going to suck its dick. I've never seen it. I've never seen the first one. I'm interested. I cannot believe. I'm such a sheep. I don't give a fuck. Whatever.

I cannot. You're so funny. You're either the sheep or the wolf yeah the opposite I a man must wear many hats when I see people

they all use the same words I think even Ken Jack did it I wanted to smack him I was like not you too Ken Jack he said breathtaking or they say like like

it's like inspirational or whatever it's like it's fucking those are two pretty common words to describe movies it's like inspirational or whatever. It's like, it's fucking, those are two pretty common words to describe movies. It's like, these are fucking computer graphics. Like these are just like,

this is just like special effects. What are you talking about? Yeah. I don't, every movie under the sun has like a lot of special effects. And as a matter of fact, I think most of them are like getting worse. I noticed that recently with some of my film viewing,

um, right. I've been on a disaster movie kick. Uh, I've been underwhelmed with some of the special effects. Which is nuts. Again, I haven't seen... Apparently this movie is like the special effects.

It's groundbreaking. It's awesome. Groundbreaking. Yeah. If you were in the movie industry and you're like, no, no, no, you don't understand. This is using a camera that could go underwater and the pixels are this and that's never been done before and you're a nerd about it, fine. If you're a regular-ass person going to the movie

and then being like, it took my breath away, the graphics. It's like, have you seen monster movies? Have you seen alien movies? But we haven't seen either. You haven't seen the first one either? I've seen the first one. Okay.

You see it in theaters? No. I also will never give a fuck about that. So maybe I'm the wrong person to talk about it. You i also will never give a fuck about that i i have the wrong person to talk about it you're talking about theaters no about like graphics being like that good or that bad i'm just like is the plot good and the you know here's here's my thing with it is that just like i don't know it was it was and i think still might re-become because of a re-release because of this one like the, the number one selling movie of all time. It's got to be good.

Like, there's just no way. I mean, it's a movie. I watched it recently because of that, and I was like, I never even finished it. I was like, I'll never watch this movie again. Endgame beat it for a while, then James Cameron re-released it. So that way he could. And that's also my problem. James Cameron's a smug motherfucker, and he bothers me a lot.

I like that. I like that. I can go one of two ways. I hate him for it, but I do understand the people riding for him. But I think it's super weird to be like a James Cameron dick rider. I don't know anyone that is. For that to be your thing, like James Cameron is – like the way I am with sports, the way some people are with Taylor Swift, then you're like, but my guy is James Cameron. Kill yourself, dude.

I guess Star Wars would be my one here, but I'm just looking at the best, the highest gross movies all the time. Yeah, I like them all. They're fucking good movies. I think Avatar is one billion percent James Cameron and the hype machine.

It's just not that good of a movie. I haven't seen it, so I can't opine. If Avatar was just on the sci-fi channel, like a made-for-TV movie, I don't think anyone would bat an eyelash. But that's the point, right? I think that it's just James Cameron and they, like... I don't think that much. I don't think...

Dude, it sold $2.9 billion at the box office. It's baffling. It's like all those other movies make sense. That many people don't care that much. I don't think, dude, it sold $2.9 billion at the box office. It's baffling. It's like all those other movies make sense. That many people don't care about James Cameron. I think that movie is all 100% about the graphics and the hype and James Cameron and the idea that this has never been done before. And it's like it's a weird sci-fi movie that's really not that good. I have to see it.

I don't know. It always very much puzzled me that it was even i mean i think close to all that i think like there's parallel lines with uh the way star wars it's like they're helping the rebellion and stuff like that so story-wise it's like kind of i mean everyone ends up loving that where it's like they're helping the indigenous people beat the big bad coming in which is fucking the fact that you don't even know anything like you don't even have to see some movies, those movies on that list to really even know

what they are and who the... You know the characters. You know the storylines, basically. The fact that Avatar is just this random blip of nobody really even talks about it or knows about it other than the graphics and James Cameron. You don't know anybody's name in it.

You don't know anything about the plot. It's just this thing. I know they have sex with their tails or something like that. Yeah, they link up tails to fuck. That's my knowledge of Avatar. It's a weird moment. Isn't that bizarre? And then the next one comes out,

and they're just talking about the graphics again, and it's like, it looks a lot like the first one to me, and the first one was 20 years ago. Shout out Furious 7 is number 10. I didn't know Furious 7 is a top 10 grossing film of all time. That's the fan favorite. Fuck yeah. So whatever.

Was that Paul Walker's last one? Fast 7, yeah. Yeah. I know Robbie got mixed up with the James Cameronites, and they are not. The stans defending him are insane. They're so weird, man. I like James Cameron. He's outwardly being an asshole.

I think that's cool. Him just dropping Thanos looks like shit. It's like, that was very realistic for being an alien. He's just trying to stoke the fire.

He's one of those comic book movies that are not cinema guys. Somebody tweeted, but I think he delivered Oh no, he's very much that. He's very much like, really?

He's like Scorsese in that way. I didn't know it was his most recent song. Scorsese movies? I think of James Cameron movies as very much fucking... Like blockbuster type movies, right? Like action movie movies. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong, but I do love the fact that James Cameron is like...

What was the question? Why don't you go to the bathroom? He goes, go to the bathroom whenever the fuck you want. You're going to see this movie twice. That's gangster. That's gangster. That is dope. Yeah, Avatar motion picture

beats Marvel's Daniel's Game of Thrones. The, there was somebody who was tweeting about James Cameron being like, like,

of course it's good. Like, James Cameron plus wet equals like amazing. I saw that. And I was like, I saw that tweet and I was like, I'm going to go see this fucking movie.

I guarantee you will hate it. Really? Yes. I mean, I think it is a stupid, weird sci-fi. I would be very surprised if you're into it. We've also got an entry into the Me Too 2 movement. It's something that we push when we do our live shows all across the country.

We are spreading the gospel of our movement called the Me Too 2 movement where we are not fighting back because we don't want to stop the Me Too movement. We are simply fighting alongside for the rights of men as well. Mennonites. Mennonites to capture,

to regain some upper hand or just equal hand in the crazy relationships that men can find themselves in girls can find themselves in horrible situations and not take it away from that what men find themselves are is i was in a normal relationship and all of a sudden this shit went sideways and now instead of just like breaking up or or having a talk about it we are dealing with full blown psychopaths and the latest entry here uh Twitter, this video went viral, of this guy just, this girl just blew up her boyfriend's

car. How did she do this? There's a gas, you see a gas tank on the, when the video first started. Oh, she just lit it on fire. Yeah, look at that. I see, I see. Yeah, she just lit it on fire, and then things pop off, and the hood explodes, and your car is burnt to a char. And now it's like, and you know what the craziest thing is when girls do these things?

And it's equally crazy on the guy's part these people are going to get back together my favorite part is the guy can you hit me with the volume real quick is he is what the fuck

bro how casual that was I can't believe she blew my car up bro dude what the fuck bro I can't believe she blew my car up, bro. What the fuck, bro? I can't believe she blew my car up, bro. Like that was on. Have you been in those situations? That's the 10,000th time that guy's done that.

And every time there's been a little bit of an escalation, and it's always just, what the fuck? I remember I had a math teacher once in high school who said that every day you could pick up a pig and carry it up a hill. The idea of picking up a 300-pound pig and carrying it up a hill is impossible. But if you picked up a 1-pound pig, then a 2-pound pig, then a 3-pound pig, then a 4-pound pig, then a 5-pound pig. You could do 300 pounds. You could do 300 pounds.

No problem. You wouldn't even notice it. Because you have to move a 300- pig like one foot you're saying at the end i know you just like if you did that every day you did one pound second day you did two pounds the second day you had three pounds you wouldn't realize that you even got to 300 pounds well not daily i understand the point yes yeah that i don't think he was being literal and that is a similar situation where it's just like he he had this little fight and this little fight. It's just another thing

that makes you go, hmm. You give an inch, man. Another thing that makes you go, hmm. Another thing that makes you go, hmm.

Next thing you know, your car's on fire in the Walmart parking lot. And that guy, and she knows because of what you just described that like, it'll be okay.

Yeah. Because it's like, you know, oh, he, it starts out like, oh, you like smashed a bottle of wine

against the wall when we were fighting and you're like, okay, that was a little crazy. That's all right. People do that. That happens sometimes. I've never done wine.

I've done other things. I had one smash a bottle of wine and then hold the fucking shreds, like the broken piece in her hand. Make all sorts of threats. I've had one smack me so many times that her tits fell out. That's like a half-baked oh shit girl, your titty.

She was in one of the really flowy dresses, or flowy shirts, and it was just like bang, bang, bang, bang. And I was just standing there fucking eating them with an iron jaw. And then eventually my friends had to go, your boobs are out.

Your friends had to go? Yeah, my friends were right there in front of people. Yeah, it almost helped me out. Again. Write that down for the live show. That John's friends just let it happen. Fucking Mincy style. Yo, that is bananas.

But you let the slap go. That was the girl I most proposed to before my brain full of pain. You let the slap go. You let the scream at me in front of my friends go. You let the you harass me at work, go, I don't know, whatever, and then you keep getting back together, most likely because, you know, the sex is absolutely bomb

and then, next time it's an actual bomb, then all of a sudden your car fucking explodes and this is just a video that's like, LOL, she crazy for this, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no she should be institutionalized and or charged criminally for this, she, she crazy for this. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She should be institutionalized and or charged criminally for this. She's arson for this.

You fucking assholes. Chicks are just so goddamn entitled now. It's so fucking crazy. You are abusers, all of you. You're all abusers. This is off topic but similar topic. Just the relationship with women in cars, um, as with friends this weekend and some married couples and stuff like that.

I wish one day to have as much pride in something as, as girls do in their inability to park cars. Like it was like, I watched a fight, like a full on fight happened, but it was like parking that spot. It's just, that's not, that's not a parking happen. It was like, park in that spot. That's not a parking spot. He's like, oh, it's a parking spot.

Because she couldn't. She was like, it's not a spot. Well, it's not for me. And it was like, but it's a big parking spot. Parking spots are not an objective thing. They are or they are not. It's like this massive parallel. I kind of like girls who, I I know people who will like drive the car

and then they're like, here you go. I just take the keys out and give it to you. They'll get out and they'll give the keys to a stranger. That's a little crazy. Can you park my car for me? But I don't mind people who are like, I can't do this. I do mind because it's a very easy thing to learn.

Yeah, I mean, I can do it, like no problem. But if you're bad at something and you just say, I need help. I can't. You can't knock somebody's ass. You can't knock that. But I feel like girls, at least the girls I've dealt with in my life. Like, they'll be like, what's up?

I'm Stephanie. I'm a Sagittarius. I don't know how to park cars. Dude, I used to. He's like, all right, we'll just fucking work on that. The worst would be, like, we would go somewhere, and we're just driving. And, like, we go by one. I'm kind of like, I don't know.

She didn't see that one. And then, boom, by another one. And then I'm like, I don't know. Whatever. She wants to, like, park closer to the exit or whatever. And if you do all that, and you don't say anything, then fine. But all of a sudden it's like

there's no parking we're gonna be late we should have done this we should have done that and then I'm like well we just passed a bunch and then it becomes like

well now I know I couldn't have done that and then it's like yes you could you absolutely could have fit in there and then it's like what are you saying

I'm wrong or I'm lying or I can't and then it's a fight and it's like but the lesson here is I'm wrong or I'm lying or I can't and then it's a fight and it's like. But the lesson here is don't let anybody even so – I honestly want to say don't let somebody slap you or go through your phone more than twice. Like if that happens, more than once.

If that happens, it should be over. More than once? So one time? One time. Eh. Get a little leeway. Get two. Get two.

And this is the man. I've never had anyone go through my phone. Really? Well, that you've caught. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you've known. Bad news. Yeah.

Let me tell you something. Yes, you have. You have. have just turns out you're a good boy yeah good boy over there Jack do you have any crazy friends excuse me Jay do you have any crazy friends do you have like girls that are like you know like I'm gonna go to his house and you guys are like oh fuck that's a bad idea oh not like go to his house the i mean i've had girls in the talking stage we're like i was like what are you up to it's like i'm going to my friend's boyfriend ex-boyfriend's

house we're gonna go key his car yeah like i like does crazy. All right, that's something we'll have to work on. Have you ever like enabled one of your friends as being crazy or like, like would you step up and be like, yo, you know you're the crazy one here? No. No, never. I green light everything. I'm like the green light.

If my friends go to me if they want to. Yeah, you're that girl. I like that. I like that you, that's a good person to become as long as it's publicly known because then first of all, you never have to give real they want to. Yeah, you're that girl. I like that. I like that you, that's a good person to become as long as it's publicly known. Because then, first of all, you never have to give real advice.

Yeah. And you can just always be like the, go for it. And then also when things go bad, you go, you know that I'm not the fucking voice of reason. Yeah, if you wanted real advice,

you wouldn't have come to me. I'm the devil on your shoulder. I'm always that person. If you have a red light friend too, then you can openly be the green light friend. Yes. The problem is,

I don't think anybody has or utilizes the red light friend they don't want to they want someone to be like yeah blow his car up god girls are the worst man they're fucking crazy uh one last thing uh tommy smokes as a chick just totally would smash absolutely the gauges do it for me the what gauges oh yeah the oh i don't like those but but i't like those. I don't necessarily like them. It is the idea of them. The type of girl who would rock them. Oh, you would do that? I mean, this chick is a baddie.

That boy Tommy Smokes got titty. She got a Coke bottle body. Not only would I fuck Tommy as a girl, I would make sure I came on her face. Oh, my God. I didn't know that was going to hit my ears like that. I didn't like it. Look at that slit in the dress and shit.

Tommy's got his Halloween costume, that's for sure. Jesus Christ. I'd be like, you're taking this, girl. I don't know if I fuck. Oh, my this, girl. I don't know if I... Oh my god, dude. What are you going to say? I don't know what I was going to say. Which is the scariest part.

I don't know. I think I'm just going to make noises. Just growling. Just guttural sounds. Alright, let's get into voicemails. Let's rip a couple. What do we got? We can also go out and about a couple of minutes. I's get into voicemails. Let's rip a couple. What do we got? We can also go out and about a couple minutes.

I'm like the kombucha girl. No. No. No. Hey, dude. This podcast is brought to you by Hey Dude. You know that feeling of coming home after a long day where you sink into your chair or you put on your favorite pajamas or you do whatever to get loose.

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Hey, fellas. I happen to be at your guys's denver show awesome and happen to be sitting right next to the start of the barber which unbelievable callback 2015 can't believe it got me thinking first off do you ever worry like a callback is not gonna hit the way it did years back and then second and maybe you guys answered this before but fuck it um top three like if you had characters callbacks whatever people to come back into the fold so for those who don't know uh we had bastardo the barber at our live show you have to be a pretty old school og for that it was a guy who wanted his girlfriend to do a better job of shaving her pussy her pussy

and uh so he role played he came up with a character named bastardo the barber and he was like let me shave your pussy to turn it into something like kinky and then we after like eight years he resurfaced and he came to our live show and did an excellent job by the way coming up on stage with us you would have thought like he was a co-host of our show. People would be nervous. I would be terrified because that's a story you tell your buddies. That's like a room full of people. Yeah, shit, my girlfriend's pussy.

And he was really cool and confident about it. We did a great segment with him. He's way up there on the list. Do you remember the player haters ball when Wilbraham wore a Doritos bag on his head? Yeah. I don't remember his name, but I remember the guy. I want Wilbraham. Wilbraham wore a Doritos bag on his head. Yeah, yeah. I remember his name, but I remember the guy. I want Wilbraham. Wilbraham was a hardcore player hater,

but I remember kind of also talking to him on the side a little bit, and there was some logic in him. He was kind of like, yeah, I'm a hater, but, like, you guys are doing your thing. And I was like, all right. Because that's why he even came on the show, but he was too much of a pussy to show his face. So we put a – do you know how gross a Doritos bag is? Like the bottom of a Doritos bag

with all the residue and the film and the... I had a buddy... He put it on his head and tried to do a whole thing. Looked like a Doritos Klansman. I had a buddy in high school who used to use Doritos bags as dip bags. Ugh. Like almost like the fucking volcano vapes.

Like a little pouch. Yeah. It was like... And he was like, carry around the fucking like volcano pouch yeah that is fucking vile you are disgusting i don't know why that's any worse than a bottle but like and however gross you think this guy is he was 10 that's more gross yo there was a meeting truly gross people in college was awesome people like like You don't shower You don't brush You don't do anything I met a kid once Who was fucking He had long ass fingernails

And I was like Ugh God And I watched him Use them to cut chicken once Yeah you don't get that Like unless you go to college You can mix it up

With people from all over Just fucking like Slice it quick Like chicken parm bro Ugh Were they all that way Or he had like one like No no no They were all that way Like chicken parm, bro. Oh! Were they all that way, or he had one whole thing? No, no, no, they were all that way. Was he Wolverine?

Jesus Christ. I was visiting in college, so I don't know if this was a regular thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was visiting my buddy. That night turned into the Great Providence Piss Fight of 2006. Naturally. Naturally. He was involved.

He was involved in the Great Providence Piss Fight. Last time we were talking about I didn't say this but I was thinking about what if there was a female version

of the Great Providence Piss Fighters 2006 just a bunch of chicks trying to pee on each other there's a million of them on Pornhub

dude just fucking squirt fest put the sprinkler on yeah dude chicks have Piss Fighters get paid for

I got Piss bites to get expelled. Anyway, old school characters I would want in the mix. I mean, there's a million people that I wish we followed up with more. Gay Joe, we talked to decently. He's still in the mix. Ravi Patel continually hits him up about maybe doing an HBO special about his whole life story. The come in the hand girl, I would love to find. Oh, yeah.

That's like the classic clip. Fucking come on me. We could probably find the number if we really did a little bit of due diligence, like the day that she called or the day the episode, look up her number. We probably could find it. How about this? If you listen, call back. Yeah.

Make it easy on us. If you're the just stop coming in your hand girl. Come on, girl. That would be fun. It's obviously way too late to do it now. But like a year end call back. We should do that the best of the year where we find people. Because we really don't utilize that enough.

Do we still have time to do that? Can we do that next week? I could try if we put together. It probably depends on if we get enough responses. That's what I'm saying. Because we have to come up with the people, right? Yeah. Outsource.

Okay. Everybody tweet at the KFC Radio Twitter handle who you think... None of you ever do this, by the way. Fucking actually do it. Part of me hates that they don't do it, and part of me likes, because I'd be like, I'm not doing that. But no, do it do it say a voicemail you liked yeah just tweet at us what your top one two three five ten however many you can come up with in your head that you think were the best voicemails or link to it however you can do it convey to us what you think

the best voicemail of the year was and we'll put together maybe a uh an episode with a few we'll call back or we'll at least just rehash a few of them um so uh you know i and jay cutler's got to be the number one on the list yeah we got to get cutler back one day all right next i want to know this is really like an miv asshole for you um i want to go see shane gill's live He's in Salem this, uh, next April. I waited too long to get tickets. I'm trying to get somebody to come with me. I should have just bought two and just said, screw it. All that is left is handicap accessible seating.

And it's for a wheelchair, accessible, and then wheelchair companion. Am I the asshole if I buy that? Then, if I buy that, do I have to fake be in a wheelchair? No. It's ridiculous. You can buy that. Please let me know. I think it's like if

I think if you're going to do it, do it. Go all the way? Yeah. For a Shane show, definitely. If you're going to do it, do it. And all the way? Yeah. For a Shane show, definitely. If you're going to do it, do it. And then meet him after, go take the picture and stand up. I've done it before in Walmart. Fake you hopped in a thing? I mean, fat people do it at Disney all the time.

Right. It is. I think fat people buy handicapped accessible seats on the regular. Yeah. I think they're handicapped. They're fat. But I think do it. If you're going to do it, do it. Okay. Go get yourself the regular. Yeah. I think they're handicapped. They're fat. But I think, I think, I think do it.

If you're going to do it, do it. Okay. Go get yourself a wheelchair. Yeah. Dude, fucking easy peasy. They sell out Goodwill all the time.

People die, people in wheelchairs die more than regular people if you know that. I mean. And their wheelchair's got to go somewhere. If you go to your local Goodwill,

you'll find yourself a wheelchair. No problem. What are we going to do with all these wheelchairs? All these people are dead. I mean, if you go to like a baseball game,

you'll see the handicapped seats are like filled with regular people. Yeah. I don't know. There might be a certain, like, I bet you.

I'll say this. I went to a hockey game with someone who works at this company. Yeah. Big Devils fan. Yeah. We sat in handicapped seats.

Frank's seats are handicapped seats. Frank's season tickets, I think, are in handicapped seats Frank's seats are handicapped seats Frank's season tickets I think are in handicapped seats I was walking into opening day of the Mets this year And some guy said he had handicapped tickets And he didn't have the balls to go do it He saw us and he was like you guys look like three scum bags And I was like I will take those tickets

And I will stay in the entire game And I had the best seats I had like nosebleeds and I went down to the front row I'm pretty sure If I had to guess the way i would run it if i was a ticket person for a team or whatever an event i would like hold them until like a week before the event and then you release them and it's like we're gonna sell those to regular people because none of the handos called up yeah yeah if the cappers want to call i'll get some cappies calling up then you got to give them. But if not, then we just sell it like it's a regular seat.

So I think he's in the clear. But, hey, wouldn't it be fun to pretend to be handicapped for a day? Dude, I'm talking unbelievable. You buy your boy tickets, your boy's got to push you around all night. Dang sure. I think it would be funny. You know what I bet? I bet you can tell if you really, like, look.

I bet you, like, just the way you would even sit it's like that's not real i bet you don't even realize that you like they got a dang old foot for sure you gotta have a little bit of a like loose foot um one more or no one more okay last voicemail this show is sponsored by better help the holiday season is here which means uh some people it's very easy for them and they're happy and they're around their family and friends, and other people who aren't as lucky or other people who go through more stress. Work can be harder. Family can be harder. The holidays can be an absolute nightmare for mental health sometimes. And so if you're one of those people who struggle through Christmas and New Year's and Hanukkah and time off from work and all that stuff. BetterHelp has online therapy for you right now that you can take advantage of during this tough time of year.

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Go to BetterHelp.com slash KFC to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash KFC. Get 10% off your first month. What's up, guys? Let's get right to it. Like a story turned into a question.

So last night, me and my girlfriend were watching andrew schultz on whatever you do whatever video stand up and um like at one point i'm going down on her and uh whoa like he's doing a bit where he's talking about how his spanish dudes will add an s to, words that don't need S's on it. So, like, I'm, like, in the middle of it, like, face deep in it, or, like, nose deep. And, uh... Reverse birth, we call that. Like, the side of my ear, I just hear,

Yeah, let's go on down to, uh, the Red Lobsters. And I fucking, like, verbally started laughing, like, into her pussy. Fucking, like, I could not control it. And, like, it was, like, a funny thing. Didn't really matter. But I guess what I'm getting at is, like, what's, like, the funniest thing you've had on in the background while, like, hooking up, doing whatever, and, like, has there ever been a time where, like, you, like, verbally started laughing, like, in the middle of it, like, they say something or something

that just throws you the fuck off? I definitely haven't laughed. Thanks, guys. Laugh into a pussy. I think I have, but I don't think it was because of something I heard. Something going on during sex? Like, fucking around.

Yeah, that can be funny. Echoes like a cave. Echo, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. The S thing is funny, by the way. There's a lot of that with barstool. A lot of people, oh, you go to barstools? You like barstools? Yeah.

You work for barstools? It's like, why would you do that? My friend calls it barstools ports. Time. Huh? We have time. Push it to three. Yeah.

My friend calls it barstools ports. It's like we have- Barstools ports? Ports. Barstool's Ports? Jokingly, but being like, yeah, it's like a shipping company. You go to the ports, Barstool's Ports. I have no idea why people do that, but they do it. The funniest thing I've ever had on the background, I don't know if I can specify it.

There's definitely been times where I'm like, give me the wrong way to I got to turn that off. Whether it's like a serious movie. Really? Oh, I've never done that. Yeah, no. Never done that. I've had fucking family reunion scream savers running on my arm.

I gave a shit. I can separate the art from the artists. What did you say? I said, oh, my God. I said, oh, my said oh my god you're disgusted it was actually me just screaming in disgust speaking of disgust I was just thinking about this as you were talking about being like nosey and pussy

have you ever like smelled inside a pussy like a gaping pussy like Like a gaping pussy? Like the hole is open and I put it in or I get like a whip? Like say you were having sex and you switched up and it was like... Open. Uh, no. Have you?

I have. Is it, I mean, is it just more like pennies? No, it's a little more... Juicy, a little meaty? A little more, uh... Visceral? Internal. Yeah.

You get that. You're like smelling an organ at that point. You ever smelled raw liver before? Yeah, there it is. The liver king over here. I definitely noticed that. You even smelled lower intestine. I definitely tasted lower intestine.

I definitely have tasted. I mean, if you've ever really done the, if you're eating somebody's ass and you're doing like the tongue, the chicken head. I've done that. It's different than a fucking. But that has a taste too. Yeah, yeah. No doubt.

And it's not shit. It's not like it tastes like that. It's like. So you think open pussy is different slash worse than open asshole? It's not. I've never done like a fucking gaping butthole. I've never seen, like, a straight-up gape, like a porn gaping butthole.

I've seen a gaping pussy before. I think pussy's weirder. I think if you're talking about aesthetically what I would rather look at or see during porn, pussies, open pussies, I don't like at all. I do not like up-close pussies. Like in porn where they're like spreading things and zooming in, I'm like, no. It looks cute from the outside, but it's all tucked in and, you know, and then it opens up.

Gross. Zoom in on the guy's dick. Show me that guy's balls. I think when they open it up It's like You know what it's like You know what it's really like Is the alien an alien When his mouth opens

And then another mouth comes out It's like There's the thing Oh there's the alien There's the pussy And then you open it up And it's like Wow

There's another pussy Basically There's a couple holes And a bunch of folds And a bunch of Lips How many vaginas are there Which one do I fuck Which one am I supposed to fuck guys Imagine that And I'm dead There's a couple holes and a bunch of folds How many vaginas are there?

Which one do I fuck? Which one am I supposed to fuck, guys? Imagine that, I'm dad, dad I'm having sex, which pussy do I fuck? It's like, what, dude? That's an asshole No, that's the third one There's a bunch going on down there Stop being an idiot, Dan

You know there are two pussies I gotta be honest A gaping pussy, John going on down there. Stop being an idiot. You know there are two pussies. You've seen one. I've got to be honest. A gaping pussy, John. That girl, she was doing work. Because I feel like even an asshole, even if you just do a little bit of anal sex. Is that our new Mean Girls clip? If you do anal... What do you think about gaping pussy?

What if we release this as a clip and completely... Does your pussy gape? What if we release this as a clip and bleep everything? To the point that people don't even know what we're talking about. And then when they find out

that what we're saying the whole time is gaping pussy, that would be so fucking fucking funny i knew they were a sex podcast i think that if you fuck someone in the ass you'll get a little bit of of agape to fuck a pussy to the point that it's wide open i feel like you are putting a hurting on that, bro. You are beating that pussy up. That's mashed potatoes, bro. That's like – because that shit, the whole point is that you – I mean, you could pop a baby out of that thing, and it closes back up. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I think you're doing it right, dog. That thing is – Oh, you broke your dog habit. I haven't heard dog in like two weeks. I said it a few times this weekend, and I was like, by the way, I'm saying dog a little bit. And then maybe like I was going to revive it.

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Do you like it cold? Do you like it hot? All of these things, bam, here you go. I sleep on your side or on your back or on your stomach? Are you a light sleeper or heavy sleeper? Do you like it cold? Do you like it hot? All these things, bam, here you go. I sleep on my side. I like it a little more firm because of my back and I like to stay cool. So the Helix Twilight is perfect for me. That's what I sleep on when I'm at home and I cannot recommend it enough. Go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. They're offering up to two hundred dollars off uh any mattress orders plus two free pillows that's helix sleep dot com slash kfc up to two hundred dollars off mattress orders plus two free pillows somebody got a nose job and started serving looks on instagram let me tell you what look at these pictures here girl look at this I mean holy fuck let's not let's not pretend like like we didn't recognize this come on who among

us didn't stumble upon the J Nix 145 whatever your handle is that it 4415 J Nix the others is J Nicks. The JNicks pics. Whoa, the JNicks pics. We need to do a feature every week. The one I left in particular is like, I'm too fucking cool to even be. Totally. It is one of those body language things. She's like, I am over here in the pretty section.

Thank you so much. They're making me take these pictures. It's funny because on Instagram, all I see are my USC friends and all that. Yeah, they're all scumbags and shit. So I forget who I am and that I'm a barstool person. My favorite is the second one where she's like, let's do a goofy one. She's like, I'm going to do the exact same one. I'm going to serve the exact same one. I actually get jealous, though, of yeah. Of like, the ability...

Yes, those are great pictures. I wish I could pose cool. Did we see my story too? No, what was that? Oh, I'm serving in that. I'm serving in that. No, I'm like... And it's still up right now. I get jealous of my friends who have like, no followers. Because you can just be you on your fucking thing. Definitely. Not this fucking perception of me.

You can be you. You want to be a good person? You want to try to be hot in a picture? Whatever. It's just your friends. We'll gas you up. I'm saying you can either be yourself straight up or you can fuck around and try to be something you're not. It doesn't matter. I'm like, should I do this? Should I do that? Can I wear my jacket?

Well, then I'm inside. I look like an asshole with my jacket on. I should take my jacket off. Who fucking cares? How big should I smile smile should i put my thumb up should i smile how much am i gonna try and cover my insecurities with this picture can i just take a goddamn motherfucking picture and then apparently jackie doesn't feel any of that she's just like i'm going for this i'm going for zoolander watch out totally i'm surprised you weren't like

look here look here when you and pals were fighting yesterday and you were like arguing about the microphone I was like oh the profile looks good yeah the profile is it but man the JNicks pics now I'm gonna feel weird about all my Instagrams

shut the fuck up now you have to do JNicks pics I like that we've said it 10 times yeah I know I didn't really register Oh, shut up. Shut the fuck up. Now you have to do JNicksPix. JNicksPix. I like that. Yeah. We've said it 10 times now. Yeah, I know. I didn't really register.

That's great. Is it going to be me stunting? Like stunting on the ground? Yeah, you should always be stunting. Make sure you're always stunting. Okay. Stunting or funny or whatever, but every week you can be like, check out the JNicksPix. I've decided I'm going to be more active on Instagram in general. Hell yeah.

You know what? We're almost at the year end. So let's go through it. Did we get in any fights? No. Tico and I close. Okay. Let's do this for the next one.

For the next episode? We will do a full Jackie year end wrap up. Okay, Jackie. The jacked up the jacked up jacked up a year end jacked up wrapped up we will give you we'll go old school

we'll do three minutes on the clock I hate that no you need more time to I can't wrap up a whole year in three minutes five minutes on the clock? How about we just do no time? The clock doesn't matter.

Okay, okay. Even the thought that it's counting down. Three minutes on the clock. Jacked up! Okay, my year. Start from the beginning. Okay, so I started the year with some resolutions. And the resolutions were as follows.

It was, what was it? Mafia. Join the mafia. Get in more street fights. Do more drugs, specifically cocaine. And chess or something like that. Chess?

I just want to throw in a hobby in there or something like that. I don't know if it was chess. I think it was chess. It was just some kind of hobby. She would know. I just want to throw in like a hobby in there or something like that. I don't know if it was chess. I think it was chess. I think it was chess. It was just some kind of hobby. Okay. She would know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I did take up chess, but I did take up reading, as we know. Okay. So reading counts. As we know? Well, you weren't here for that. Yeah, she talked about it. She's a big reader now. She's a huge reader.

I read one book. She read a book. How many books? I read a book. She read one book. A book. One book. It was one of those romance novels.

I'm eight pages into my second book. There you go. Okay. You stopped at eight pages. It's a weird reader. I read one book. She read a book. How many books? I read a book. She read one book. A book. One book. It was one of those romance novels. I'm eight pages into my second book. There you go. Okay. You stopped at eight pages. It's a weird time to stop. Was that a chapter break? After eight pages, I fall asleep every time on the dot. Eight pages.

I also told her, I was like, those are like romance novels that don't count because you can read them in like a day. And she was like, eh, it took me a month. Street fights. I didn't get into any street fights. But Tico and I almost got into a fight. That is true. You did have like a dust.

You had some beef. And she continues to threaten me every time. So I came close there. Mafia. I didn't really join the mafia. Mafia is tough. Drugs. That was a harder one to get into.

That was a harder one. But I did try. Every time I saw somebody with a mafia ring type thing, I would ask about it, and I would say, are you part of the mafia? Can I get an in? And they said no every time. You tried.

What about Ndududu? What? What about Ndudu? Yeah, he's a big mobster. Oh. He wants to take you on a date. Yeah, he's a big fan of yours. Okay.

And then drugs. Nobody fucking offers me drugs. Well, you said, I'm rewatching it right now. You said, yeah, and it was chess, by the way. You're right. Yeah. You were like, you don't really want to do drugs. It's more that you want to be hot enough to get offered drugs.

Hot enough to get offered drugs. Yes, exactly. I don't think it made enough of a difference in other people. And I also can't even do the drugs. Why? Because of the nose. On account of the nose job. Yeah.

So she's got to wait a little longer. You can never do drugs. You have to wait. I have to wait, but it's just not my thing. I'm just not for that. I also don't want to screw up the nose just It's just not my thing I'm just not I'm just not For that I also don't want to Screw up the nose

I just saw A video I showed Of this girl With the collapsed nose Oh I saw that That's horrifying Yeah

You can gum it in You know There's other ways Yeah yeah yeah Exactly You can crack Okay but You can smoke it

What? You can smoke it Yeah Smoke crack Also You know Nick's picks You're starting to serve looks a little bit.

So maybe right now you're starting to get hot enough to get the drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's really just you want the offer and then you're going to say no. I said the offer. But, like, I did get offered a few times. I got offered by a lot of fans, but it was kind of like a pity offer. Like, they would be like, I don't actually have drugs. Yeah.

Okay. You guys didn't actually have to say it. I'll be alive. Okay. But, you guys didn't actually have to set LPLM. Okay, but yeah. So I guess I wish I could give a more wild rundown, but I just didn't. Let's back up to it. I think I aimed a little bit too high.

At the end of last year, for the season two or three premiere, we were talking about fucking a dad. Did that happen? I didn't fuck any dads. Boy, you know these people, they all make resolutions and they never stick to them. Never sticks to it. It's like, I didn't fuck any dads. Boy, you know, these people, they all make resolutions

and they never stick to them. Never sticks to it. I know. I'm going to go to the gym. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm still going to go to the gym. I'm working on new resolutions

and they're much more attainable. Yeah. Like the such as? First one. Should I look? Yeah, you have a list. No,

I don't have like a full list. I just like have, I'm starting a list. Yeah, well, you have a list No, I don't have a full list I'm starting a list More metal detectors I think What does that mean, Jacqueline? Metal detectors on the beach Is something that is so underrated It's like

I think that would be a fantastic hobby Nobody's taking that up That would be my thing and my thing only Strict up. It's like nobody else that's like, that would be my thing and my thing only. Strictly old men. They're kind of gatekeeping it right now. I think, like, I want to make it cool. I want to make it fun.

I feel like that'd be so fun. Like, who knows what I could find in the sand, you know? I want more of that. I want more metal. So you're in it for the treasure or you're in it for, like, the activity? For the thrill. The thrill.

The thrill of the metal detecting. I think you could be an online presence. If you were like the hot chick with metal detects, it would be very funny. Yeah, I know. If you were walking around the beach insta-thoughting it up and you have the headset on and you're strapped into the fucking thing. Oh my God, I'm getting chills just thinking about metal detecting right now. That sounds so fun.

What if that's your OnlyFans? Yeah. I don't know if I can make that very sexy, though. I mean, it's very, you know, you just don't wear a lot of clothes on the beach and it's sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll try that. More Jell-O. I just don't give enough time to Jell-O.

I disagree. I don't disagree. I agree to an extent. I like Jell-O is kind of underrated I don't disagree I agree to an extent I like Jell-O pudding I was going to say Jell-O pudding with a little whipped cream on top I was also going to say whipped cream Just for the Jell-O as well For the gelatin

You can do whipped cream either way Stop it I don't like that No Also if you want some Jell-O pudding With whipped cream You don't like that? He's going to do it again No He's going to do it again Also It's got to be You want some jello pudding With whipped cream? Mama

You're talking Chocolate pudding right? Yeah Vanilla pudding With the vanilla swirl That feels like There's just cum In your pudding

But you want You want gelatin Yeah I just I just Like blue jello Okay I like I think when it's in my mouth It it's kind of like, what is that?

Yeah, that texture is like, woo. And I like that. Now, are we talking like Jell-O shots or you want to just have Jell-O? Jell-O. Just Jell-O. I want to incorporate it into my diet more. Got it. Zero calories, right?

Or something like that? What? It's like no calories. It's like no calories. I don't know about like sugar and everything like that. Stand in front of microwaves less. It's a guilty pleasure. Stand in front of microwaves less It's a guilty pleasure Stand in front of microwaves less Is that bad for you?

The vibes? How often do you stand in front of microwaves? A lot That's not a real thing is it? Yeah I think it's made up Is it? Some people worry about it but it doesn't hurt you at all Okay well then scratch that off

They're fun to watch I definitely put a microwave on People worry about, but it doesn't hurt you at all. Okay, well then scratch that off. They're fun to watch. I definitely put my wave on and go do something for a minute or two. Yeah. You stand there and watch it. No, I like to watch stuff rise. Do you have one spin? Stuff rise? Oh, you're like cooking things in there.

What are you rising? Like it's like, I don't know, if I make like oatmeal or something. Just to bubble up? If you put like hot chocolate in there, it'll rise in the cup. What? Like if I make hot chocolate, it'll rise in the cup. What? If I make hot chocolate, it will rise in the cup. You ever put a phone in there? No. Try it. Pretty fun. I'm not going to do that.

It's interesting. You ever put a CD in there? I did it in high school. I thought I was in high school when I was still finding out who I was and I went through my phase of being destructive for laughs. I'm still pretty heavily in that phase. If you put a knife, a compact disc, CD, or a phone in a microwave, fireworks, baby. Yeah, I put a Kyocera phone that like spun like that.

Like the keyhole one? It was shaped like a keyhole? I don't know if it was shaped like a keyhole. I've often looked for it because that's the first one I ever sent a dick pic on too. I've looked to see what happens. And you can't do it in this kind of microwave.

You're going to have the fucking light on, you dummy. What an asshole, dude. But it just got like... The keyhole's there. It was just like one shot. Like one lightning bolt. Just like, bow! And that was it.

Isn't it like you're not supposed to put like forks in there yeah okay so no silver oh yeah people like this are goddamn animals bro like cut your nails if you're gonna be doing the dog totally gross totally fucking gross oh wow no that didn't happen to mine that's super mine was just like one shock and it didn't work anymore Jackie did not knock a home and do this although I guess I took it out after like one second. He might have left it in here for a long, long time. And then I'm working on the rest.

Such as? I work. Oh, you're working on making the rest. I'm working on making the rest. Okay. All right. Good stuff. So nose job, survivor.

Yeah. Live show appearances. I wanted to get to 50K followers. Didn't make that. Oh, where are we at? Have you attempted? No. I was going to say, you don't do any social media.

That's another one. It is wild that you don't do social media. It's crazy. I know. I just hate it so much. 43. I hate it more than you do. I promise you that.

Yeah. This year, I'm actually going to do more. You were doing the Nosejob, though. Everybody loved those videos. I know, but I don't good at it. 43. I hate it more than you do. I promise you that. Yeah. This year I'm actually going to do more. You were doing the nose job though. Everybody loved those videos. I know, but I don't have time now. It's part of your job. What? It's part of your job.

Well, technically it's not. Oh, okay. No, no, no, no, no. Not like that, but in my contract. Oh, have a contract. But it's like, again, you want me to edit? but like in my contract, you know, it's like. Oh, have a contract. Okay. But it's like, again, like you want me to edit? I'll edit. And I.

I want you to do both. I want Nick's pics. But then I have to have like a reason, you know? You have plenty of reasons. Like as funny as that Instagram story was where you're like, what's the worst thing that could happen? He stole all our packages. Yeah.

That could have been a video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All these things that we talk about could be a video okay jan one how about this jan one i'll do a video let's make a no that that's no no no that's too crazy how about uh one video per week you can pick from either episode you have to react to something we said where you could be like let me clarify what they were saying they're so stupid here. Here's the real story. Or like, that's not what I meant. This is what I meant. You have two episodes to pick one story. Or it could be something that doesn't

involve you and you have your own opinion. Which, by the way, I encourage you to speak up during the show. But if you're not going to do that, do your own video. Yeah, I get scared. I don't like speaking up during the show anymore because I have to edit it and hearing myself edit will make someone kill myself. You're going to have to get over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I completely understand because I have to edit it and hearing myself edit will make someone kill myself. You're going to have to get over that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're definitely going to have to get over that. I completely understand because I would feel the same. That's why I'm not an editor. Yeah, that's why I just never learned how to edit. Yeah, you're going to have to get over that though because you're too good on the mic.

Oh, stop it. One video per week. Okay. That means you have to make 52 videos this year. Okay. If I miss a week, can I make up? I can double up?

Yep. But can I be just like anything? Yeah. Okay. Okay. You just watched White Lotus. You could have done

reviews of that. Sure. People love you. They want to hear your dumb opinions. No, they don't. Also, you know what you can do? You can do Nick's Picks,

but it's P-I-C-S and also P-I-C-K-S. And you can be like, here's the show that I'm watching. This is one of my picks. You could do like a gambling pick, an entertainment pick, and a, I don't know, whatever other type of pick you can make. And then you also post it with your serving looks. Okay.

So it's picks, picks. Okay. I got another thirst trap coming up. Oh, boy. It's already taken or you're going to an event? I was going to say, what do you mean? You already have it in the holster? What?

Let's review your thirst trap. Well, I actually already, well, I have a few options. Okay. Let's put them on the big screen and we'll discuss it. No, no, no, no, no. Well, let me see. Hold on. This will be like that.

Well, what are your stories? We'll be like, this is the one. I no. Well, let me see. This will be like that NYD Asshole question. We will be like, this is the one. I don't think I can do it. Come on! It's too hard. If you can't even do it to us,

how are you going to do it to the rest of the world? Yeah, you're right. Because then I just put it out there. I don't have to see your guys' faces. Now I'm going to think of you. Let me review.

Let me all later. So, okay. Once a week is Nick's picks. Once a week, video. Okay. Okay, and Twitter's done. I'm done with Twitter. It's probably smart to not focus much time on Twitter. Yeah, I'm not going to do Twitter.

If Elon turns things around, I'll let you know. But right now, it's not a good idea to focus your time. Did you see the thing where you're going to need to be able to give me your geotags and stuff like that? No, what was that? So they have a plan. And who knows how real this is and all this stuff. Geotags mean like everyone will know who you are?

It is. I follow someone who quotes me and I was like, I'm going to be honest, this feels like a deal breaker. New. Twitter has a plan to force you to opt in to personalized ads to continue using the app. It's not just personalized ads that Twitter plans to require. The company is also considering forcing users to share their location, let Twitter share their data with its business partners, and use

contact data, phone numbers, and two-factor authentication for ad targeting purposes. The only thing is, I think that's one of those things where everyone's already doing that shit anyway. Twitter got in trouble for doing it without your consent. So now you have to opt into it. But opt got in trouble for doing it without your consent. Right. So now you have to opt into it. But opting in, it feels like a...

I know, but are you really not going to? I don't know. I kind of hate Twitter. I know. But will you stop it? I don't know. We'll see. I'll definitely consider it.

I want to... But I also don't think that'll happen. I pitched the idea to Elon of Twitter tiers with different ages. Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't want... I like knowing what you suck to. Yeah, I didn't like that. I like knowing what to use up to. Yeah, but you can opt into it. Yeah, okay, I see. I don't want to be fucking...

I was arguing with high school kids today who were talking shit to me. Take the Tyler thing. I'm not here to argue. Well, yeah, it depends on how you use Twitter. But I don't want anybody under 25 you know using or it should just be like separated so it's like if i want to dive in there i can go see what the youth are talking about but if i'm if like because that way if something happens and all of my tears

are talking about it it's like i don't want to i don't give a fuck what the 15 year olds think about like will smith getting slapped yeah i'll look at the adults you know but then if it's like oh this rapper like something happened let me find out what the youths did. So you have to put a fucking... Put your ID out, first of all, so we get your age, which that would weed out 90% of people on Twitter because they're all anonymous assholes. But you gotta put

your real name on it, your real age on it, and then I can weed out the children so I don't have to fight with fucking 10-year-olds. Alright. Interview time with Tom Papa. We're talking about that bread. Got to get that bag of bread. What's that?

Let's get this bread. Talking about literally sourdough loafs with Tom Papa. Hey, Prime members, a.k.a. Hey, the whole world, because who doesn't have Prime at this point? Everybody has Prime, but you think about it just when you're getting your shipping done or you're watching television and streaming TV and stuff. But now Amazon is getting into the podcast game. With Amazon Music, you can now listen to KFC Radio ad-free.

You download the Amazon Music app. You can get access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts. It's now included free with Prime. So visit Amazon.com slash KFC Radio. Avoid all the ads, which is kind of weird. This is like this is like

this is like Back to the Future type shit. It's like, are you even going to hear this ad? Yeah. You know? It's like, so if you're listening on a regular thing, you're going to hear this ad? Yeah. So if you're listening on a regular thing, you're going to hear this ad and know that you could jump over to Amazon Music and never even hear this ad because they remove all of the ads

from the podcast. All the content stays the same. You can listen to your favorite Barstool shows on the go, offline, wherever life takes you. Start listening ad-free by visiting Amazon.com slash KFC Radio. That's Amazon.com slash KFC Radio. What did you have for breakfast today?

I had this, there's this bread place by me. Can I have a piece of paper or something that a spit might come out? Yeah. You want it? Here, spit in my hand. No. You know what?

I will take that, though. We put that on our Hall of Fame. Not the first person. We had a couple people believe their gum, and the cleaning company naturally threw it out. They probably just think we're animals who leave gum all over the place. Right, exactly. Back on the wall. What's wrong with you?

Yeah. So breakfast today. I went, there's a place near the hotel where I stay called Crispy Heaven. Okay. Which is this like artisanal bread place, which I'm really into bread. And it's like right around the corner. Who's not, right? Yeah, like this really great place.

So they make this mortadella with gouda on this little baguette. I knew it. You came in here stinking like a guy who had good breakfast. You are a classy cat. You got the jacket with the collar up, the nice hat. You walked in. I was like, I got to know what Tom had for breakfast. You just give off that aura.

I'm like, I had a better breakfast, and you're going to have a better dinner tonight. I don't mess around. You're all class, brother. You got to do all your garbage. It's the finer things. You get to a point where you're like, why waste these meals on garbage?

I think I firmly believe in that you can't take it with you. And then also, once you do, especially as a comic i would imagine because comics really most you know 99 of them go through a grind yeah a hard one yeah and then you finally get some money and you're gonna penny pinch fuck that i should be flying first i'd probably blow through it all like right away and go back to penny pinching but now let's be clear though uh i roll through an airport and i see a bag of Cheez-Its. You can't – I'm taking it.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? No, those are – I don't know. I made my moments. While you rolled in looking like Raymond Reddington, I was fisting a box of Doritos to my face. I could be a bazillionaire and certain things, you know, Cheez-Its. Like, I will never stop eating Entenmann's.

I will never stop. Which Entenmann's? The rich frosted chocolate donuts. Oh my God. I know what I love as a father is just buying those and just quietly putting them out on the counter. Everybody's like, what happened?

Was Jesus here? I give my kid the Entenmann's mini muffins for breakfast for dessert for freaking lunch sometimes you know and it's funny because my daughter doesn't like them

she just likes straight up Hershey bars so she'll be like can I have a Hershey bar and I'm like no no no it's the morning time and she's like but he's eating chocolate muffins and I was like

I don't know them's the rules girl I don't know what to tell you that's just how it works. Tell them when she grows up. Talk to Uncle John. You grow up. When you're staying

with Uncle John, you can eat chocolate whenever you want. I used to have a rule with my daughter when we lived here in New York. She loved going to the diner. We lived around the corner

from Waverly, the Waverly Diner. It's a classic. And she would want the chocolate chip pancakes. But she would, and I'd say, okay, but look, you are going to eat these. You're going to be so happy.

You're going to get them. You're going to eat them. Then you're going to crash before we even leave, and you're going to be the meanest kid on the planet. I won't. I won't. I swear to God. I promise I'll be good.

I promise I'll be good. And you could see her like the Hulk trying to keep it together. And then she would just blow. I don't know if it's, if it was, I, you'll have to speak to my parents or whether or not, I'll get you the number, um, whether or not when I was a kid, I had the crash, but as an adult, you had the crash. I can, no, I can handle my sugar. Oh, I hope.

Good boy. Good boy. I will, I will just handle it all, man. I will smash sugar. The sugar, the booze, the calories. All day. And it's just like, I'm just fucking. Dude, last night I got home.

I think that's what we call an addiction. It's when you don't have the chocolate, the crash. It is. Last night I got home and I crashed before I got home. But that was just like, I hadn't had sugar all day. And then I whacked a big bag, one of those. I'm glad there wasn't a period after that. And then I whacked.

Everything was all right. Probably two. If I know my man, it probably also happens. Whacked one of the hanging bags of Sour Patch Kids. I whacked a bag of M&M's, box of Bunch O' Crunch, and a cheesecake. Whoa. Whoa. A slice or a cake?

Slice, slice, slice. This is all just hanging around the house? Yeah. Tom, you want to come over after? This is before. I'll teach you about living. He'll do this and then get high. And then I don't even know what happens once he's a little stoned.

Forget about it, man. You're living some kind of life. Yeah. Some may say that. As a person living it, I disagree. Yeah, you know, some kind kind of life like a homeless person what's your vice when it comes to food

I'm also to back up when you say you're a bread guy are you talking like you know like the Portuguese this and the that I bake bread I bake a lot of bread is that from the troubles or is that before the trouble see that you need to make clear.

It's like, fuck all you banana bread freaks. Johnny come lately, eat sourdough. I saw Jake Gyllenhaal on Colbert. I'm getting into bread. I'm like, I was there before you. It was like when you're into a band way before your friends

and then everybody's into them. You're like, you don't know. I was there in the early days. I held a band after a show once. Yeah, I guarantee anyone that was like, started baking bread during the Troubles, they're not doing it now. No, there's no way. You do it like twice and you're done.

Like every other hat that you picked up during the pandemic. I'm really into it. I show pictures of my bread like I do my children. Let's see it. I love it. I love doing it. I love making it, and I'm good at it. I can just house bread, man.

Not even, like, bread and butter. I'll just eat bread. I'll eat slices. I'll eat rolls. I'll eat, you know. I make, like, four loaves a week. Oh, wow. This is like, you know, bakery bread. This is like Italian bakery bread.

Yeah, it's really good. That's real bread. Yeah, and I. How long does some of that take? Three days. Three days? bread. Yeah. How long does something like that take? Three days. Three days? Yeah. What the hell?

What the fuck, Brad? A kid takes longer than I think. It takes three days because you've got to take your sourdough starter out of the refrigerator. It's in a mason jar. It's living culture. That's your yeast. That's where bread first came from. Yeast is flying around us all the time.

And if you put flour and water in a dish, it'll start to bubble. That's because the yeast found it and started eating it. And it becomes this living organism. And that's what yeast is. So you take that out and feed it on the first day. You feed it a couple times, and it gets all bubbly. Next day. If you've got to feed your bread, I don't know, man.

I have to go home. I have to go home when I'm on the road. When I go home, before I say hello to my wife or children, I go and make sure my starter's okay. And then feed it, and then the next day you form it into dough, and then you proof it overnight, and then the next day you bake it. Okay, so those two loaves come out day three. Yeah.

What are you doing with it? Usually one is— Is it for the family? Is it for you? One is the family and one I give away. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then you're making sandwiches and stuff? Yeah, sandwiches, make avocado toast, sardine toast.

Who's the lucky— Toast with butter. Oh, my sardine toast. Who's the lucky? Toast with butter. Oh, my sardine toast is kind of insane. That's my favorite. What about anchovies? Yeah. You like anchovies? Oh, I love anchovies.

We had Danny DeVito in here like a month ago, and he was telling us a story. He loves anchovies so much that they had a pizza party on the set of one of his shows, and he brought – he did what you did. He had two jars of anchovies because he brought – he did what you did. He had two jars of anchovies because he goes – he was like – well, he said to his daughter, well, what if everybody eats all the anchovies before I get any? So he brought one for himself, and his daughter was like, I think we'll be okay.

And both jars of fucking anchovies just sat there. But he loved it. He was so Domino. He was like, anchovies. He was like, because everyone's eating pizza but i'm eating pizza with anchovies so good so he's the best yeah but i take that toast and uh you take this sourdough toast cream cheese on it sardines and capers i guess it's so like it's so good yeah it's a salty, kind of fishy.

I mean, it wouldn't be my choice, but I bet you if I took a bite of it and didn't know, I'd probably be okay with it. Yeah. It's like anything like snail or that kind of stuff, if I know it.

Calamari? Calamari is all right when it's... Real calamari. No, no, when it's breaded and fried because you could deep fry this wallet. Give me some cocktail sauce. When it's just, like, the actual octopus.

I prefer it that way. Yeah. The chewy, like, rubbery. When people get the breaded stuff, I'm like, you know, fine. You want to put it in the middle of the table, whatever. But I'm not going to go out of my way to order it. But the octopus, when it's got that down. down it's got the suckers on it yeah what about when you saw octopus teacher and you saw that guy falling in love with that octopus no yeah because

octopuses octopi are like the smartest animals in the world oh okay i don't know now but so are pigs and we slaughter the fuck out of them no it didn't make me stop eating octopus i was like well good for you but yeah you're still getting caught. It is funny. It makes me want to eat human. It doesn't make me want to eat them any less. It makes me want to eat human more. I want to eat spelling bee kids. Stop up this little Indian guy and fucking serve him. That's hilarious.

Yeah, because octopuses have like eight brains or something, right? They have multiple brains. I think it's eight legs, but yeah, they probably have larger brains. Look this up. I swear to God, it's also multiple brains. Because didn't you say that once? And I was like, you're an idiot. And then I knew you were proven right. If I said it, it's half true.

I definitely heard somebody else. Nine brains! Nine! So they have one brain per leg and then a brain in the head. Probably. Would make sense. Probably that. Right, right. But I think they're supposed to have like a motion and like they're like, you know, one step below us.

I'm like, yeah, there's probably several steps below us. But, you know. Yeah. But again, they say the same thing about pigs, too. The pigs are like the smartest animal. It's like, well, we really eat them. Yeah. No, we can't base it on that.

We just got to base it on how delicious they are. That's the only reason we don't do horses and dogs. They just don't taste good. Don't fool yourself. Yeah, exactly. If a pig's so smart, it would learn English and say,

please don't eat. And then I would. Not that smart, piggies. You seem to keep getting whacked by these guys. Yeah, but I really do. I,

I, I do it like a couple times a week. But now I have like a circle of friends that always want it. I have this podcast, this Breaking Bread podcast. And whenever someone comes on the podcast, I give them bread.

Cool. And it really just was, I just have to get rid of the bread. I'm just making too much. I was going to say, I feel like that's almost like, it's a great idea. And then like all great ideas, sometimes you find yourself in the middle of it,

and you're like, oh, I've got an interview in three days. The last thing I want to do right now is fucking break bread. I've got to feed my starter. I just want to binge out. Just hit him with a thing of Wonder Bread. I was busy this week, dude. I'll get you next time. Sometimes if I'm on the road and I have to slide right into the podcast,

I'll just get bread from my favorite places. Pass it off as yours? No, I don't pass it off. I give them credit. The real artist. What's your go-to package spread? If you're in a jam or you're saving money or whatever, you go to the bread aisle in the store, what do you deem acceptable?

It's kind of like the electric car. It's like once you go electric, you don't go to a gas station anymore. I haven't bought bread in like six years. Really? So it's not even like the only bread you eat is bread you bake. Yeah. Unless it's like in an artisanal bread shop. Yeah, but I'm talking like pepper and salt.

But like just in the supermarket, no. You're going right past it. There's no –'s you know here's the thing uh that's not real bread if the thing that really bugged the shit out of me was that we like people have been eating bread for centuries and then we show up and they're like no you can't eat bread you're gonna get fat i'm like wait a minute why us why do we get tonight toast with butter in the morning? That doesn't make any sense. And I realized once I got into it, flour, water, salt, and yeast, that's what bread is. Only those ingredients.

What do they add in the other stuff? And in the supermarket, there's 30 ingredients. It's sugar. It's all these chemicals. That's why it tastes good. Even in the crunchy, you know, like nice looking. The granola-y, organic type of shit. It's still shit.

It's not real bread. That's a very good point and a good observation. Cause I, I, I feel, I just ate a sandwich moments ago before we walked in here and I felt like guilt. I was like,

Oh, there's a lot of bread on here. I'm going to get fat. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a big dough boy. Yeah. You're a good boy.

But, but if you eat the right bread, that bread actually breaks down its own sugars and stuff. So you're not going to get fat from eating this bread. All right. I guess we're eating the right bread. Yeah. Maybe Tom will turn this franchise around now.

But again. Starter. Feed it. But again, Cheez-Its, absolutely. Anything salty. Any chips. That's like when you were asking what's my deal. Yeah.

I go more like chocolate sweets. I got the sweet tooth, not the salty. Favorite candy bar of all time? Honestly, part of me does want to just say for OG sake, the way my daughter does it, just a good old Hershey bar. But it's probably between Kit Kat, Twix, and oddly, I like Milky Ways. People always gasp at that like I'm crazy. Are you that one?

I don't, it's just like takeouts the peanut of the Snickers for me, and I think it becomes a better bar in my opinion. I know. And it's also good. I'm like, you guys hate it all you want because it's left over in the bowl for me. Good.

The Snickers people are very aggressive. They're very like highbrow about it. I'm like, at the end of the day, we're all, you know, you're not some fancy chocolate. We're all right next to each other in the checkout bar. But you know what they are, too? They're sheep. They're people who are easily marketed to.

Snickers is the most marketed bar. Are you hungry or want to take a break or whatever? They were good commercials. They were good. When you need to do the Super Bowl commercials and all that, it's like, I'll let the nougat and the caramel speak for itself.

Thank you very much. I like a nice Butterfinger. Really? Butterfinger. That is, what about in comparison to like a peanut butter cup? You like the Butterfinger better? I like the butter. With the crunch?

I do like the crunch. Yeah. It's the crunch. See, I'm a non-crunch guy. I like smooth. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Same thing with peanut butter. I like the smooth instead of the crunch. What about a peanut M&M? Peanut butter M&M is the better one. I agree with. Same thing with peanut butter. I like the smooth instead of the crunchy. What about peanut M&M? Peanut butter M&M is the better one. I agree with that. Peanut M&M is good too. I would say if I was going to rank the M&M's this is right up my alley. You know Joe DeRosa is going to come in here and murder us.

We're the only ones who are going to argue about food. It would go. You're taking my thing. Peanut M&M Peanut, I'm sorry. Peanut butter M my thing! Peanut M&M. I'm sorry, peanut butter M&M, peanut M&M. Pretzel M&M? Regular M&M, caramel M&M, brownie M&M.

Brownie M&M? No, it existed. They got a little crazy. Even the brownie M&M, you're getting crazy. Pretzel's not on the list? Pretzel, it's a little too crunchy for me. Too crunchy. Yeah. I find that things like Butterfinger and

Peanut Butter M&M's almost get dry. Sometimes it happens with the Peanut Butter Cup too. The peanut butter is like sandy. That's why you want to go to a Justin's. He always swears by Justin's over Reese's. You like Justin's over Reese's? Over Reese's is a Justin's dark chocolate.

He's also a crazy man who prefers single stuff Oreos to double. Out of his mind. Doubles too much. He's also a crazy man who prefers single stuff Oreos to double, which is out of his mind. Double's too much. Double's too much. That's what my family says. I always think I'm doing a good thing by bringing in the double and they all fry on it. No, no, no. Really?

Yeah. Kids? Yeah. Teenagers? Teenagers. Because I do think they've been messing with both single and double, how much they put in. And their cost cutting and fucking around and stuff. It's like baseball where they're

the dead balls and the juice balls. I think when we were when I was growing up I think the double was like whoa. And now the double is almost like the single so you should like the double. Yeah, I'm with you. What about the thins? Come on. Don't insult me.

I had some thins this weekend. I was away with friends and Thins is like if you're trying to lose weight and you can't give up Oreos or something Here's what we did We did My friend, we bought a pack of thins and then he melted a bunch of fudge on the stove

and then we dipped the by we, I mean he dipped them them completely submerged the fins in there took them out put them in the fridge let them cool this is a great idea

these were but I mean these were I love fins covered in absolute delicious stuff and then by the way put on some

sprinkles and jimmies and the little ball ones I don't know if you've ever had those I don't know what ball sprinkles yeah I don't even know what they'd be called

but they were hard they were sounds like your friend is good weed it was divine it was really good we did that and just watched shitty Christmas movies it was amazing it was the best

you gotta pop on the new special out today yeah what a day what a day literally and the name what's the inspiration for I named it what a day because a day what a day literally and and the name yeah is that what what's the uh inspiration for i named it what a day because that's what i say when i go and when i see the family and the first thing in the morning i'm always going what a day what a day what a day everyone's all shitty they don't want to go to school they're like and i'm like what a day because i really i feel like you know let's celebrate. Let's go.

You have the zest for life. Good for you. When does that come around? When did you pick that up? It's when you get money, John. No, you know what? I think you're just born with it. We miss the sale on me.

I don't think you can cultivate it for like an hour and a half. Yeah, exactly. I cultivate it for this podcast. I go home and crash. Yeah. Then I wake up and eat a bunch of candy. Right.

Yeah. That's my day every day. No, I just had it. When you were like a teenager, did you sleep like until like 12 o'clock? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are your kids doing that kind of stuff now?

My one who's now in college, she could sleep. Yeah, because I think they almost like biologically need it. They do. It's like a natural thing. Or at least they say that where it's like 12 hours. And you're like, it's 2 o'clock. Have you seen her yet? Yeah.

I could. I could. I didn't always used to because it was the weekend. I wanted to get up and I don't play basketball or whatever. Yeah. But if you really left me alone, I closed the blinds. I probably could go to noon all the time when I was a kid. Even when you're a kid.

I still do it right now. I'll do it right now. You can right now? You want to go to bed right now, Tom? I'll go. I can fall asleep, but I get up pretty early. The kids train me getting up early. But what a day.

I don't mention it in the special, but I say that in the mornings. I like the mix of it because in the morning I'm always like, what a day, what a day, I don't mention it in the special, but it's just I say that in the mornings. I'm always like, I like the mix of it because in the morning, I'm always like, what a day, what a day. And then by like six, you're like, what a day. And that's kind of the balance of the special. I also love that. That's life, man. That is such a dad thing where like, you know,

my dad when I go home is always same thing, up in the morning. And he'll bust my balls when I get up. I'll be like, oh, I'm just getting up because I'm a late sleeper still. I'm still a growing boy. He'll be like, you're just getting up. I already did this. I went for a kayak and a bike ride and mowed the lawn and this and that. I'm like, yeah, dude, and you'll be asleep on the couch by 1 p.m.

You want to make it a Jeopardy. Stop talking shit. Literally, before the noon kickoff of the college football game today, you will be asleep. Let's not brag about how early you woke up. People do love that, though. The early riser. You see it a lot on social media where people will send a tweet

or post something on Instagram of no value, but just to get that time stamp. I'm awake at 545 going to the airport, or I got to the office at 7 a.m. for whatever. But then sometimes if I'm up really, really early, I kind of feel it. I do, too. I'm better than you. I'm awake and you're a bum.

I don't even think it's so much like when you get up early or when you get to the office early or the gym early anymore. I think it's just like you have to let people know you're awake. It doesn't matter what time you get up. It doesn't have to be like, hi, I'm up. You have to send a tweet and nod like,

all right, I made it through the night, guys. Just so you know, I'm alive and I'm not a piece of garbage. It's roll call. I don't put it on my kids

because I don't, like I'm not kayaking and stuff in the morning. Where do you live? I live in LA now. Okay. I thought you were a New York guy. I am a New York guy. How long have you been in LA?

I've been back and forth for years. But then we closed down our New York spot like six, seven years ago. Oh, okay. So you were, yeah. And now both my daughters are graduating and stuff and they're both gravitating towards the East Coast.

So I'm pretty sure we'll be back. I think you did a good job in fatherhood if your kids want to come back to New York, to be honest. Yeah, you think so? You know, I have no basis for this other than I could see if my kids wanted to be L.A. kids, I would feel like, oh, you're assholes. At least come back to New York and be assholes. But don't be assholes. Right, exactly. to New York and be assholes. But don't be assholes. Right, exactly. It's a different kind

out there. There's like, if your kids are nerdy and just into school and doing stuff, it doesn't matter where you live, they're just going to be with that little theater group and doing their thing. If they're the popular kids or want to be with the popular group, that's when

LA becomes a problem. Then all of a sudden, you're hanging out with LL Cool J's kids. We're like, okay. Album release party. Hanging out with a rapper today? What? That was too specific a reference, by the way. Does your daughter go to school with LL Cool J's kids?

No comment. I just watched Swap, by the way. LL's got it. LL is one of the most underappreciated guys out there. He's legit. From rapping to acting and shit, he has been like a working icon for a long fucking time. Yeah, a long time. I mean, I would say he's on probably one of the longest running active TV shows, right?

Gotta be, man. And CIS LA? Yeah. I remember when he first started acting, he took his hat off for the first time because he always

had a hat on. Right. A little cool dude took his hat off. Yeah, the Kangol. He always, it was like a, it was like a,

I knew the Kangol was like one of those things. I didn't know it was a thing when he took it off. I think he literally never wore it. And then,

I think it was that movie Deep Blue Sea. Yeah, oh, I know it. Deep as blue as my hat is like a shark's fin. He made some hits and he made some clunkers. Was it Knock You Out? Mama said Knock You Out.

That was like 10 times platinum. That was like diamond. He was a big boy, too. He told a story on a podcast about he had a home invasion. And he beat the shit out of the guy. Really? The invader lost. And he was like, I could have killed him on the spot, but I didn't. I was like the shit out of the guy. Invader lost. And he was like, I could have killed him on the spot, but I didn't.

I was like, I believe you, man. I gotta say, that's probably a good prevention for home invasion is just to say that story on a podcast. Let me tell you about the time I took a bat to a guy's head. Nobody else is coming through that again.

I have a bat in every room. It must be a nice feeling, too, just to be someone who can protect. Yeah. Like if someone brings it to my house, I'm like, honey, get the knife! I've been home invaded before. You have?

When I was in college. I was in Tallahassee with the FSU. And I heard my front door get kicked in. I was on the toilet playing Brick Breaker on my Blackberry. This was like 2007. And I got up and waddled over to see what the hell happened. I opened the door and there were three masked gentlemen in my living room. Whoa, gentlemen. And I just closed the bathroom door and sat back down.

I was like, I hope they find what they want. I hope they don't try and look in here. They just stole my TV my roommate's laptop but jeez they didn't know you were in there

they didn't know I was in there no yeah I was pretty lucky that is pretty lucky I had one I think it would have been

like take what the fuck you want let me finish up in here they might have punched you in the face probably would have been great that could have been cool a punch in the face

from this guy because then you also when you tell the story you say you tried to fight him and stuff yeah yeah that's true I made the horrible story I got a guy broke into our

college dorm my senior year we were on the first floor of like a suite apartment yeah and I was the only one home that night everyone else went out to the bar I was asleep and I

see this guy like poke his head in my so it was like the dorm apartment and then my bedroom door he pokes into and i am like like who is that but we also threw parties a lot of people were in and out but i did find it curious it was so quiet so i walked back out and by this point i see him at the front door and i was like yo what's the deal and he was like sorry just like wrong dorm room and i was like you don't look like you went to school here but like okay that's i guess that's possible yeah i go back to sleep uh wake up in the morning and i see that the um uh what's it called the windows no the window

uh the screen screen was like had it was on the floor so he like kicked in the screen i was like that does not bode well. But what was funny was when I did go to check it out, the only thing I saw and could grab was a Febreze, like a can of Febreze. So my idea was I was going to hit him with the can. When I told the story, I just said Febreze. And people thought that I was going to like spritz it.

They were like, what are you going to do? Like disinfect him to death? So they were like clowning, like Febreze and people thought that I was going to like, what are you going to do? Like, you know, disinfect him to death. So they were like clowning the Febreze. They were all clowning me. And I was like, I don't know, man, it was a metal can. I thought it was like good enough, but in my head, I never said that part. So they all just thought I was the guy trying to fight off the burglar. Only pepper spray. This will do.

But it was funny because I was like, you know what? Nothing was taken. So like, we're all good. And then my roommate who always stayed at his girlfriend's place came home like three days later and he's like,

guys, you see my laptop? And I was like, oh, you got got, buddy. Sorry, man.

I was a kid the first time my parents went out and I could watch my younger sisters, they let me, you know, be the babysitter.

I was probably, I don't know, 13, 12, 13, in Newitter. I was probably, I don't know, 13, 12, 13. This is in New York? In New Jersey. I grew up in Jersey. And I was inside watching TV.

It was like, I don't know, 10 o'clock at night. And I heard the garage door opening, like those old school pull-up garage door. And it was kind of going kind of slowly. And I heard some knocking. And I just heard some scuffling. I was like, oh shit. And I grabbed a bat

and I didn't know what to do so I turned the TV up really loud. Kevin McAllister style. He was a little Home Alone-ish and started a conversation

with myself. I was like, what do you want to watch? I don't know. What's on? This is legitimately Kevin McAllister. What time is Love Boat on? And I had this whole conversation.

And then I heard something in the backyard. And I just sat there with the bat. I was just like freaking out. And my parents came home like an hour later and found me in the same position. And they're like, why is the garage door open? And why is our car door open? They opened is our car door open?

They opened up the car door and like incited out one of the boots to see a leather boot, whether it was anything. So they were on their way in, they were scrambling. Shit. And my acting skills.

So you think he warded them off? Like did you set his head on fire with a blowtorch too? It would have been great. I had a car broken into once and they just stole I don't even know what they stole I had a pair of Supreme

Nike sneakers, whatever but my car is such a mess I couldn't even tell what they stole in fact, I drove my car around for like days before I ever realized that it was even stolen and the only reason I realized it got broken into was because I opened my center console,

and they had left four burner phones in my center console. Oh, they gave you some of them. Yeah. I was like, where the fuck did all these burners come from? And I went in the back, and I was looking through. Again, it was just loaded of shit. Right. It was the summer, so I was traveling to the beach a lot, and I was living in Boston.

And I was dumping shit in that cooler, all kinds of shit. And I was looking, and I was like, I don't even know what's living in Boston. I don't know. I was dumping shit in that cooler. It was all kinds of shit. And I was looking. I was like, I don't even know what's back here. I don't know if anything's missing. But I had that one pair of sneakers I knew about. Those were gone. In the box still. I had never worn them.

I had a friend that had a car like that where he had a soda addiction, and he would buy a two-liter of Coke every day and just get high and drink this two-liter. Heaven. Eventually, they filled up his car. Like they, you just like throw them in the car thinking he was going to recycle, but never did.

And eventually it looked like, like a gumball machine. Like he was sitting inside with all these plastic. You want that one? You start like squeezing yourself out so you can shut the door real quick. When you were talking about the, the old school garage doors. doors, I had those in the house I grew up in. And I grew up playing hockey a lot in New England, in Massachusetts. And my dad used to get us these plexiglass, not used to because these things didn't run out.

So we all had our own plexiglass thing that you shot off of in the street. So you could play hockey in your driveway, but it was still like it simulated an ice surface, so you weren't using a tennis ball or anything like that. It was like you were still shooting a puck. You could still shoot a puck. But we had that old school garage with the two lines of glass windows up top. Do you have one?

No. I intentionally broke them all the time because it was so much fun. Like a target? And my dad just thought I was the worst. It turns out you're actually pretty No, I intentionally broke them all the time because it was so much fun. Like a target? Lift the puck? And my dad just thought I was like the worst. It turns out you're actually pretty fucking awesome. Lift in the top corner. Like, Dad, I took three out today.

And I got to the point where we had like just sheets of extra windows in our garage. Like sheets. Like I would guess we had, I'm not even exaggerating, 80 extra windows in our garage. Like, sheets. Like, I would guess we had, I'm not even exaggerating, 80 extra windows. Me and my brother would just get out back and fucking bang. And we never told him. What a pair of assholes you guys are. Your dad is not only working his fucking hands to the bone, he's also like, my sons suck at hockey. I'm tired and my kids suck.

To be fair, he wasn't fucking replacing the windows. It's not getting any better. It's not getting any better. You're breaking all of them now. Jesus Christ. It'd come home and there'd be like six broken windows. I don't know. You got us the hockey thing.

There's something so satisfying about breaking glass as a kid. There's something... satisfying about breaking glass as a kid. There's something like this. Just breaking shit in general. Yeah, right. Exactly. Amazing. Just pounding stuff. Just hitting things.

We used to hit golf balls with metal baseball bats. Yeah. Just into the, I don't know. Just a thousand miles. Yeah. Could come on the other side of the neighborhood and kill a person. Right. Exactly.

Ding, ding. Go like a thousand yards. It's funny, like the poking around too. We used to go to the school on Saturday and everyone would just start fucking around, like hitting like a pebble against something. Then it'd get a little harder. A little bigger, a little bigger. Then eventually somebody just takes a rock and bashes a window and then you run from

the cops. It was the same course. The same. I'll never. That rush of running from the cops for dumb's always the same course. That rush of running from the cops for dumb shit is something I never, hopefully, never experienced.

You could do it again. I guess I could, but first of all, I would get caught not fast enough anymore. And you'd pop your Achilles' heel. Yeah, that's the other thing. One time we'd light off Roman candles. Roman candles? We lit one that, for whatever reason,

just went for like 10 minutes. Usually it was like 60 seconds or a long one was like two minutes. This one just, pew, pew. And it just kept going. And the cops started to circle around and stuff.

We had to run, but it was like, it's not stopping us. But it was the best. We also had, the playground had like a little like path

you could get in like in the woods you could get to multiple entrances and exits so we had like everything planned out it was the best

loved that kind of shit as a kid it was the best you're just jarred of memory when we were doing something messing with somebody's

house or something it was the end of a cul-de-sac and the cops came we knew when the cops come we just run through that path to the back to this other guy's house or something. It was the end of a cul-de-sac. And the cops came. We knew when the cops come, we just run through that path to the back to this other guy's house. And the cops came and we took off.

And we all knew that you had to jump over the fire hydrant that was at the beginning of the path, except for the one new kid who just full-on falls straight into the thing. Just in a clump. The cops just picked him up and put him into the thing. Just in a clump. The cops just picked him up and put him in the car. It's like, what is it? The old getting away from a bear thing. I don't have to run faster than the bear.

I have to run faster than you. Also, it's so weird. Can you imagine being a cop? Let's say you're 34 years old, 10 years on the force. I'm going to go chase a 12-year-old because he looks like I work. That's why those cops – I bet they enjoy it. I can't decide whether those cops are assholes or they're kind of like, this is the fun part.

Yeah, that's true. We're going to call your parents or whatever, slap them on the wrist and let you go. Yeah. Because I remember we were walking the streets one night, and we all just had like six packs in our hands. And then these cops drove by, and we just threw them into the bushes. And it was very obvious what happened. And so they were like, go,

you know, go get it out of the bushes. And they just stole all of our beer. And they were like, now like get the hell out of here. And where, where we were walking, we walked past the police station again to get there.

And they saw us and they come out and they were like, old English, like steel reserve? These are what you guys were like mad at us at our level of beer. I was like, well, I don't know. Don't rob 15-year-old kids of beer. It's going to be trash, man. We had to steal money from our parents to get that beer.

We go quantity, not quality, officer. You want the nice shit, go rob my go rob what was your ship beer in school oh man we steel reserve was a big one steel reserve steel reserve was big uh we also went through a phase where we were pretending to be like rappers and drinking 40s so it was like cult 45 and old e um uh it was funny though we i have one friend who was always the host of the parties he lived right on the highway so there was a like a wall designed to limit the sound and then probably like 20 feet and then another wall for just safety yeah we used to throw everything over and then one day they put their house on the market and they needed to clean up and they saw this mess and they were like you and your fucking friends got to clean this up and you could see like a rock like like how rocks how old they are yeah it was like here was our the first thing we

drank the second thing like the very very bottom was like mike's heart yes it was like mike's hard lemonade and then cheap beer and then eventually we got to the top it was like Bud Light. Yeah. We made it. That exact thing happened to me in high school. Our high school I went to a boarding school and our high school

had like our rink was on campus and we had our own locker room and behind our stick rack we all had like individual cubbies like for in a

hockey locker room and we would drink there all the time because the rink was always open 24-7. We always had, as hockey players, we had keys to the locker room. Oh, that's great. We would just go in there, and we would sit, and we'd drink. That was from when I was a freshman until I was a senior, and I passed down that idea and all that.

You go in there, you crush your cans, you throw them down the thing. Sometimes you have a bottle of Captain Morgan's, you throw it back there, blah, blah, blah. But my senior year, I was captain of the team, and we got – we were redoing the locker rooms. And I was friendly with the rink manager. Like, I knew him well. I knew his son well.

Like, we were tight. Old Rusty. And he calls me up one day. He's like, Feist, you got to get up to the rink right now. And I get up there, and there's just a million, a mountain, a landfill of beer cans and Captain Morgan bottles in the middle of the room while like four cubbies have been pulled down. And he goes, he always called it Zip A his zip heads which might be racist. I'm not sure

Yeah, it is okay, so bleep that He's like what the fuck is wrong with you guys and then he's just slowly pulling apart cabinet like a bunch more fallout. I was like, I don't know, Mitch. I'm sorry, man. I was like, look how, look how, like, how, not diluted, how faded that can is.

That was 20 years ago. That was 15 years ago. This isn't all me. He's like, what kind of team you running in your fights? Were you a good old team? We were not a good team,

no. We were in a good league, but we were not a good team. We were like a 500 team. Right. Yeah. We had plenty of room for improvement. That's almost better, man. Yeah, I know.

At the time, you want to win states, but if you're not going to, if you're going to be a really good high school team, cool. If you're not, it's better to just be kind of crappy, because then you just have fun. Yeah, exactly. The New England Prep League is a very good league, where you play from, I went to school in Rhode Island. You play from Rhode Island to Vermont, all the teams everywhere.

And basically we were good enough that once a year we'd have this really big upset, which would be like the game of the year. That's almost good because you get your Super Bowl. You get your one moment and then that – And then you go party and blow the next week. I'm trying now like my kids are starting to play real sports and like i remember taking basketball so seriously like what's best for the team and like i'm gonna i'm gonna give up my body and i'll like make sure i always listen to coach and i wish i was just like kobe throwing the ball up from wherever i wanted.

I don't want to tell my kid to be the asshole, selfish kid, but I also want to be like, I don't know, man. You're here to have fun. We're not going to the Olympics or something. I know, but even at that level, it takes that. You need a couple of those guys to keep them. I was that way too. Glue guy.

Got to have a glue guy. You got to have a glue guy you gotta have a glue guy because the other ones are gonna screw around and if we're all screwing around we're not winning a single we're not even 500 I know

you know I know but I'm like my senior year everybody was the third clown you know you can't be the tenth clown

but let's do it do it with them if it's like alright there's these you know there's these jerks over here yeah and then there's like

you know eight other guys who are like nerds like just go be a third jerk and play ball. Or at least when you're a senior or something like that. Do they seem like a leader? At their parent-teacher conference, both of the teachers said,

your kids are natural leaders. And I was like, really? Really? I don't see that at home really but you're not aware of the plots that they're planning behind your back there's a whole thing going on apparently they are sneaky and they are deceitful little fuckers maybe that's what you need these days to lead getting ready for politics were you like that as a kid? I was destructive mine was like

you gotta make him stop being a goddamn asshole like breaking things? I wasn't like an asshole I was like talk I think I was a talker I got a couple Kevin talks during class and I was like yeah that shit's boring man I had one teacher he was like 25 maybe

when i was in seventh grade yeah and we would talk sports and then started to kind of blur the lines you know i'm like 14 he's like 25 it's like not like a huge yeah you know and we were kind of like starting to talk like friends yeah and then one time i busted his balls a little and he fucking called my mom dude we had like a parent teacherteacher conference, and I was like, dude. Yeah. I thought we were, you know, fuck. That same exact thing happened to me. I think I called him by his first name or something.

He was like, he needs to show respect. I was like, well, then tell him to shut the fuck up. This guy was giving me like book recommendations. He was an English teacher. He was giving me like book recommendations that were like not R-rated books, but I remember one was Bill Buford, Among the Thugs. And it was back when, before the Premier League, this guy went and he lived and kind of immersed himself with the Manchester United, with the firm.

Wow. And it was like, there's all these books about, all these stories about the riots and the football fights and throwing car engines through bus windows and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, all right. This guy's cool. He needs to hook me up with this. He's tight.

And I might have sworn at him. I've been like, what the fuck is this about? I was in seventh grade. And same thing, call my parents. I had a music teacher in eighth grade. And I was always just screwing around. And I took a pen and I threw it up into one of the drums, like the upside-down drums in the storage, you know,

like it was the music room. And it hit the drum. He was up there at the board. And I just nailed the pen right in it and went boom, boom, boom, boom. And it scared him. And he turned and everyone was looking at me. And he took me outside the classroom and pinned me against the locker. Yeah,

pinned me like against the locker and he goes, one day, you're going to realize there's more to life than fucking in football. I was in eighth grade.

I was like, what's this fucking you're talking about? If it's as good as football. And then as I got older, I was like, he was wrong. Like, no, there's not. For me, at least for not like 10 more years, man, 15 more years. There was not much else.

All my favorite teachers. By the way, saying that to like an early teenager now to be like yeah I was 13 you would be pinned like you know like a man

holding you against the law you're going to jail if you do that but only if the kid's not cool yeah now exactly like say like I got

that's weird though I wouldn't snitch on them but that was fucking weird dude I didn't even tell anybody if I told my mom something like that, she would freak out. All of my favorite teachers hit me.

Everyone. Even Mrs. Rosen. The little English teacher. Dude, I had a teacher my freshman year who, like, I was fucking up during class, and I was like, I was flirting, I was fucking teacher my freshman year who, like, I was fucking up during class. And I was, like, I don't know if I was flirting. I was fucking up what I was doing.

And he was also, like, an assistant football coach or whatever. Yeah. And I wasn't paying attention. I was, like, standing up during class, just kind of, like, shooting the shit with this girl. And he got so mad, he came across the room, like, running and fucking bundled me into the wall. And I hit the chalkboard so hard by like my face left like an imprint i thought that was awesome and then like later in life you went to school in a circus too though with the boarding school but like i had a teacher who would just

throw like full-on books at me if i wasn't paying attention yeah fucking wake up i get hit in the head with like paradise lost that was the nuns, man. My parents went to Catholic school, and they said they were always just getting whack and stuff. Yeah, nuns were badass. Of course they are. They're all pent up anger and rage and shit. Whack, man.

It's funny to go back to the title of What a Day, because it's one of those dual phrases dual phrases is funny i was thinking about more of them where you could be like you know only in america only in america you know just shooting like only in america it really does play both ways yeah because that's a kind of you know my comedy is kind of in that world it is it isn't really cynical and i am pretty optimistic about things but i'm also kind of funny being like a lifelong new yorker yeah like usually that brings out the uh the pessimism and the anger in people yeah it does it for me no yeah see i i think the opposite of that too i like we've talked about a lot like

with my time in new york i'm from boston or from massachusetts originally yeah um and i just think like with so many people yeah it is crazy how few times you're like should be worse like it should absolutely be worse yeah what nine million people i i did not realize yes it's like eight and change like high eights and do you know how many are in la it's like four is it really it's like four and a half. Really? All spread out. And spread out over like 30 miles. And so I always thought LA was close, like eight and seven or eight and six. We almost double LA. That's crazy. At least that was the chart I saw.

I don't know about like- You know Massachusetts is only seven. The whole state is only seven million? Jeez. I guess that makes sense though. But you're also- No, that is crazy. Just the city of New York has more people than the state of Massachusetts.

That's crazy. That's crazy. And in such a small amount of space. So you're right. That makes me think about it. When there's traffic and shit, I'm like, it still should be worse. It should be way worse than what it is. The homeless, the violence.

People say that happens here that I don't see. I don't know. It should all be way, way worse. Everybody must be on some sort of different schedule. Because if we all went out to work at the regular times, I don't know. It should all be way, way worse. Everybody must be on some sort of different schedule, because if we all went out to work at the regular times, it wouldn't work. Well, people don't have schedules anymore. That's the point of trouble.

I was doing this morning show, and they were doing the traffic today, and it was like, it's back to what it was. It was like 45 minutes into the Lincoln Tunnel. Yeah, yeah. We started up coming back to the office pretty early yeah most of the world was still shut down and i'm coming from westchester right i would zip in in like 24 minutes and now it's back up to like an hour plus if you go a rush

hour times yeah i still saw that like it's like 60 of the mass transit though so like the mta is just dying wow they basically still have like half of their money coming in. And there's still a bunch of fare jumpers and shit too. They're spending like millions to stop the fare jumpers because they still come out of it. How many fare jumpers could there possibly be worth spending millions on? I only see it

a couple times. I never see that either. It's always somebody who like I think you would kind of be like alright let him go. He deserves it. It was a there's just i couldn't do that you should make it really high you can get over this you earned it that's like in uh i think it's russia there's a uh there's a um mash there's like a subway that you can either like pay money or do 10 push-ups. Forgot about that. Yeah.

It's either Russia or China or something like that. They're trying to promote good health. So you can, I guess, lay on a subway floor with your face. Do push-ups. Never imagine that. Putting your hands. Putting your nose into a pile of piss. 10 times.

You survive that you can ride with us I want that was either a concept but I'm pretty sure they implemented it yeah Moscow

Moscow yeah is it 10? 30 reps 30 I'd be like brother here's a dollar 50 here's 10 dollars if you told me

what would be your limit for like pushups versus money because I'm like I'm giving you 50 dollars man yeah it doesn't push-ups versus money? It depends on the rush. I'm giving you $50, man. Yeah. It doesn't depend on the rush to me.

It depends on the fucking push-ups. I could do push-ups. Would you want to? Imagine a hot summer day. I might enjoy that. It'd be funny, too, though, in New York. There you are. The MTA, people wouldn't give a shit, really.

They'd be watching you, though, in New York. The MTA, people wouldn't give a shit, really. They'd be watching like, yeah, 35. I'd be gulping them out like I'm at SEAL training camp. One, two, three. Dude, shut up. The buskers are loud enough. Save on a gym membership. Good old New York, man.

What a place. Have you gone soft in your six or seven years in L.A.? Yeah, weather-wise for sure. Of course. Like today's the coldest day yet. It's 20-something. Yeah. And I get out of the car to run into here.

I'm like, ah! I've lost that edge, I'm sure. It doesn't get as bad as it used to, though, here. Like it's gotten pretty warm, too. Yeah. You know, the world's ending,, so everywhere's pretty mild now. Yeah, take advantage. It doesn't get cold until January.

There's one polar vortex a year where it gets down to zero. I watched The Day After Tomorrow yesterday. Great movie. What a great film. Such a bad movie, but so good, man. I watched it before the Pats started, and then once the Pats started, particularly in the first half, when it was boring as shit, I was like, I want to go back so bad.

I want to go back so bad. I want to go back so bad. I did stick it out to the game. Yeah, good for you. It became worth it. But the moment it ended, I popped it right back on. And then now I'm just into it. I get addicted to genre of movies, So now I'm in disaster film mode.

Have you done, what's that one? Like Geostorm or something like that? No, but I did Greenland, which is another Gerard Butler film. Come on the show, Gerard. No, Geostorm is probably tonight. I'll probably do Geostorm tonight. It's on the roster for the night. Well, everybody should go do What a Day.

What a Day. What a Day! It's a... And the Netflix is... It's top notch, good, old school, funny comedy. The most accurate description I've ever seen of a pug,

by the way. My friends have pugs. Oh, yeah. I'm like, come on, dude. It's like... Because they're so small, but they're so loud. They're real.

And it's like... It snores while it eats. That's not even possible. Right, exactly. Hang on, let's not make fun of snoring. Pugs and John. They snore while they eat. I wake myself up occasionally snoring.

Not like when I'm in a deep sleep, but when I'm in the middle of falling asleep. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did that too. But also the cow eyes. I've never been able to put my finger on what is wrong with the bug the eyes don't fit in its head they're bugging out

so Lynch can't get up and over the ball he's never had his eyes shut in the time I've had him I love it but he does have to wear a diaper he wears a diaper so when my dog we don't know I love it. Yeah. But he does have to wear a diaper. He wears a diaper. Oh, jeez. So when my dog.

How old? We don't know. He's a rescues. He looks like he could be four or 80. The diaper, good for you guys. Yeah, a diaper. There would be. He just pees everywhere. Again.

Like with intent, not like. The comparisons are getting a little too close to you. When my dog, my childhood dog, when she was getting up in age, I'm on a ticket to the vet, and the vet was like, it was like a Friday. She's like, you know, it's Friday, but we don't have any openings to put her down, but it's probably about that time, so why don't you bring her back Monday and say goodbyes over the weekend and bring her back. That is crazy to be like,

we don't have any openings to kill your dog. Come back tomorrow, we'll kill it then. And my mom swears that Maisie could hear it because she got home that weekend and she was like a puppy. She was like jumping up on couches. And then Monday came and I was like, I can't take her, get fucking killed. She seems fine.

She lived two more years. Two more years? Two more years. Jeez. But for like the second probably the last quarter of that so the last half year she had to wear a diaper

because she was like incontinent and and like dude it is velcro it on it is wild changing a dog's diaper

you're like maybe we should kill it I hate to be the morbid one here but I gotta wipe a dog's ass and shit that dog's going to the farm or whatever You're like, maybe we should kill it. I hate to be the morbid one here, but I got to wipe a dog's ass and shit. That dog's going to the farm or whatever. That happened when I was a kid.

We had this little dog. It was a Lhasa Apsa, one of those little things. My mother took it to the vet and brought her back. The vet said that we have to relieve her anal glands once a week. Is that a real. Oh, yeah. And she was like, so. Is that a real thing? It is. Like, you're supposed to put your finger up their ass and relieve their, like, the anal glands.

And my sisters and I both just looked at our mother like, it was nice knowing her. We had a good 10 years or whatever. Yeah. So long, Toto. I do a lot of fingering my dogs. And by the way, like, that doesn't apply to just dogs. You come back and you tell me that my dad

needs something done up his ass, you're going to the old folks' home now. We'll put you in hospice or whatever. I used to have that line in my act about my cat. We had a diabetic cat. He had to give it two shots and shoot pills down its throat two times a day. I'd say in my act,

I wouldn't do this to keep my wife alive. What are we doing here? I love it. Great stuff, man. Well, we appreciate the time as always. So great seeing you. But I love watching you on social media all the time. It's really, it makes me

connect with New York all the time. Awesome. Love to hear that, man. So everybody go watch the special. Awesome. Love to hear that. Keep it going. Love to hear it. So everybody go watch the special. What a Day on Netflix out now. And congrats, man. Thanks, man. Thank you.

Good seeing you guys. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.