KFC Radio - Ike Barinholtz, Johnny Bananas, Reverse SAD and #BarstoolBeats
Episode Date: October 16, 2018Ike Barinholtz is on the program to talk about The Oath and how much his loyalty costs to buy. Johnny Bananas answers voicemails. Feitelberg has reverse seasonal disorder. Would you steal someone's t...oothbrush? And special performance of Shallow.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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We got Ike Barinholtz on the program.
The man.
You know him from Blockers, the Mindy Project.
He's got a new movie out, The Oath.
Very funny guy.
I was nervous to talk to him.
I like Ike Barinholtz a lot.
Really?
That was one of your guys?
Yeah. Everybody has some people who are, despite, no matter what, like we've done this a lot, done a lot I like Baron it's a lot really that was one of your guys yeah
everybody has
some people
who are
despite
no matter what
like we've done this a lot
we've done a lot of interviews
talked to a lot of people
you get
you get the
the juice flowing
yeah
but he was funny
I mean
he told us
he had gone on
the Howard Stern show
right before
and then I was like
we're good
because you never know
like Matt Walsh
came in here
remember him
he sucked
he was like
so uptight
and I was like
this guy
I thought was gonna be
the funniest dude
in the world.
And he's just like not our style.
So despite, you know, there's funny and then there's like fit in with us funny.
He's fit in with us funny.
Right away.
Like, so what do you jerk off to?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what?
Let's just get right into it.
Ike Barinholtz brought to you by Black Buffalo.
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He's like, is that really good?
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Let's talk to Ike.
All right.
It's a very special edition of KFC Radio.
We are joined by Ike Barinholtz, who was just at Howard Stern.
So a little warm up for us.
I think I'm ready for you guys.
A little pregame.
You and Howard.
Let's see if we talk about masturbation faster.
We can do that real quick.
Because it was two minutes.
As I was sitting, he's like, what are you jerking off to?
It's good to see you, man.
It's 7.56 a.m.
How are you?
It must be great.
It must be great when you can do that.
And it's like no one even – they just answer it.
They don't go like, what the fuck?
It's like, well, gangbang.
Jimmy Kimmel was in there before me.
And like as we were driving, Jimmy was like, yeah, my wife caught me jerking off one time.
And there was a picture of Adam Carolla on the screen.
And it was just like, it's intense.
Howard has that ability to do that.
We interviewed Wilmer Valderrama recently.
Oh, he gave a famous interview on that show.
And that was?
And it was because Howard lures you in because he first of all stares at you, and he's got a kind of deep voice.
And before you know it, you're just volunteering insanely personal personal information it's like hypnosis right it is almost hypnosis
yeah it was the like the the email we got before valderrama came in was just like do not dare ask
him about any past relationships yeah and i hadn't known about it i get to google it you don't have
that kind of time i think yeah i mean my god i was honestly like all right cross all that out i need
a whole new interview now.
Dude, it's insane. It's insane. He's a very lucky
man. Very handsome.
We can get into the masturbation.
The movie, The Oath,
takes place during Thanksgiving. It does.
Famous time to masturbate. Who's not jerking
off during the holiday week?
I was going to say, often you go to
family or in-laws
and then you're in the house.
Yes.
It's foreign territory.
And like, do you jerk off in your mother-in-law's house?
I don't know.
Yeah.
It's also a stressful time.
You got to clear the pipes.
You got to clear the pipes.
And you can really jerk off anywhere as long as it's not a place of business, I think.
That's where you draw the line.
Let's clarify.
Public places, business places.
Any family member's house I think is fair game.
But that's why I don't get invited to a lot of family functions
because I keep getting caught
because I'm so fucking horny
you guys.
Yes, but it does take place
during the week of Thanksgiving.
It is a...
It's very uncomfortable.
It's so real.
It's like everyone is so, Thanksgiving now is such a loaded thing, right?
Because everyone's so divided, so dug in on their beliefs.
And you used to be able to pivot to other shit.
You could be like, hey, this year we're not talking about the president.
We're just going to talk about football.
Oops.
Yeah, right.
Can't do that anymore.
Nothing that's a bit of politics.
Or like TV.
Like, what are you guys watching?
I like Roseanne. Fuck her. You know what I Can't do that anymore. There's nothing that's going to be on politics anymore. Or like TV. Like, what are you guys watching? I like Roseanne.
Fuck her.
You know what I mean?
That's true.
So everything, politics has kind of permeated everything, and it's made us so combative.
I wanted to tell the story about this family kind of just trying to make it through the
week without saying something permanently hurtful.
And then, of course, the second half of the movie takes this crazy violent turn where
bad guys show up.
We're beating the shit out of people and stuff.
So we wanted to kind of take Thanksgiving and just set it on fire.
You almost get angry every time you look at your phone, right?
You have Twitter notifications on or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you think that's a real problem?
Because I think that all the time.
I walk around angry all day, every day.
All day, every day.
Just because I'm on Twitter.
It was getting so bad that I was missing milestone moments.
I have three kids.
And I was like, one day my daughter was like, I think it was the first time she stacked something.
And I remember-
Is that a big one?
It's kind of-
I was going to say, yeah.
Listen, guys.
It's on the second tier of milestones.
She's 16.
She's 16.
She's been trying for a long time.
But I was reading an article about Ted Cruz.
And I was like, oh, what a fucking idiot.
And then I'm like, if I look back at the moments of my life, and I missed a seminal moment
because I was reading an article about Ted Cruz, I'm going to feel pretty fucking stupid.
But I was obsessed.
And I still am, but I've been able to kind of pull away a little bit and like, watch
a Bears game.
Well, that's a great idea.
Go back on Twitter, buddy.
When Brock Osweiler is stepping up to the plate on like two minutes notice.
How much time we've lost to that fucking guy.
That is the craziest bit of trivia ever.
He's in the AFC.
Every time he debuts with a new team, it's against the Bay Area.
It's like he's like Joe Montana in 1984.
We just can't figure him out.
Oh, it's horrible.
The Brocketship.
I mean, he's been cut a million times.
You guys should just sign him.
Yeah, hey. No, leave Mitch alone, man. Oh, I's horrible. The rocket ship. I mean, he's been cut a million times. You guys should just sign him. Yeah, hey.
Well, no.
Leave Mitch alone, man.
Oh, I'm not saying.
So sign him as like a backup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sign him and kill him.
I named my first, my second daughter Peyton after Walter Peyton.
And if I have another kid, I'm naming it Trubisky.
I don't care if it's a girl.
I don't care if she has to like go in junior prom and she's like,
my name is Trubisky Barrett Holtz.
But I like that guy.
But my point is that it's good to kind of put the phone down, put the Twitter down, walk away, be present, be with your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband, whatever you're doing.
It's so fucking hard, though.
It's very hard.
It is.
But here's the thing.
What are you going to miss?
You're going to find out important news eventually.
Right, right.
If there's a nuclear launch somewhere, you're going to miss. You're going to find out important news eventually. If there's a nuclear launch somewhere, you're going to find
out about it. So take that moment
when you're watching a TV show or a movie or a
game or you're exercising and
I'm trying to...
Push ups.
But give yourself
that permission. Don't let this shit rob you of
any joy.
I mean, I'm a full-blown addict.
But then there's also the moments like most recently,
like one of the internet's favorite porn stars teamed up with one of the
internet's favorite Instagram models, and Twitter went wild,
and it was the most entertaining thing I've ever seen.
Well, that's okay.
And I have to be a part of that.
That you can make time for.
If I was watching my goddamn kids take her first step or say her first words,
I would have missed it.
Hold on, honey.
This woman I've jacked off to is now on Instagram.
Anyways,
those moments, those are the real important ones.
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about
political strife. No, but it really is
true. The political stuff has gotten
so stupid. It's funny. I feel like
it used to be, if you were
uninformed politically, you were kind of like an
idiot and a child and immature. And now I think
it's like the total opposite. I think people like fuck this i'm out of here yeah mature ones
who are smart about the world yeah and it's you walk in that balance of being plugged in enough
where you know what's going on when really crazy shit's happening you can do stuff about it but at
the same time don't let it dictate your life right the only thing we can do is vote you know what i
mean so don't let these forces that control you fucking take away your hat we're on the earth for
like eight seconds.
Right. And like you want to spend that time yelling at a phone?
No.
So I tried to do that the other day.
I was avoiding someone.
I was like an adult, mature adult.
Sure.
So I turned my phone off.
Yeah.
And I was trying to just watch.
I was like, you know what?
I'm going to leave it off for like a half hour.
I'm going to live dangerously here.
Wow.
Are you okay?
Like 10 minutes in, I turned it back on.
I know.
I know.
It's insane.
What I will do sometimes is put the phone in the other room.
Just put it in the other room.
That way I walk in and I'm present and stuff.
And then I can lay in bed at night and scroll through shit and go, what an idiot.
This son of a bitch.
The only thing that trumps the addiction is the laziness for me where I'm like, I have to get up and walk to that other room.
Yeah, that's true.
That is true.
I don't want to walk.
I'm just going to stare at the ceiling for half an hour until I feel something.
So the premise of the movie, The Oath, is that the whole country has to sign a patriotic oath.
Yeah, basically, if you can imagine a politically divided America, imagine that.
And a president obsessed with loyalty.
Again, keep the eye closed.
And the deadline to sign is Black Friday, which is like the worst fucking – I can't even believe it's a day.
It's like a nightmare day.
It's awful.
But the whole kind of first half of the movie takes place the week of Thanksgiving, right?
And it's like the stress of the parents are there.
My brother's an idiot.
His girlfriend sucks.
And so it's all about like that kind of funny stress.
And then the second half, we have like these like government agents come to the house and start kind
of interrogating people.
And it turns into this fucking crazy bloody thriller.
We have guns in mouths and like we're stazers.
Curbs stomping people.
It's fucking,
it's fucked up shit,
man.
I'm a fucked up dude,
I think.
Yeah,
this is,
it sounds like it's all coming from your brain and it's,
it's a little scary.
It is.
It is.
But I,
you know,
I like,
I tell people like the two kinds of movies I like to see in theaters
are comedies and, like, thrillers.
Because I think those are the two emotions
that kind of have the best collective experience.
And I think, like, you know,
I've been all around the country,
all over Texas and the South and the Bay Area,
and people come up to me with a movie,
they're like, I fucking felt something, I'm alive!
Like, I was laughing, I was scared.
So I think it is a,
if you can make it to the theater,
go see this movie.
I promise you,
there's nothing else like it.
Blockers,
your character in Blockers
resonated heavily with me.
For better or worse.
I'm so sorry.
For better or worse,
I remember being like,
this guy, yeah,
this is what I'm talking about.
You guys see Blockers,
go watch Blockers.
Ike's character,
listen to him.
I'm an annoying alcoholic too.
Every time we have a guest in,
Kevin, we had Duchovny
and Kevin was like, I'm like, Hank Moody,
I really rest in. And Duchovny was like,
dude, not good. He's a sex addict
who ruins people's lives.
I hope no one ever comes in
playing Hitler.
Hey, I gotta tell you, I don't know what it was about
that guy, but that was me. I was watching me
on screen. You were speaking to me, man.
That Heil shit. Yeah, yeah, that's me.
Third Reich. Blockers was a fun one. Blockers
was one. Although, this morning
I was talking to Howard and I was like,
I had so many friends, like good friends
that came up to me like, hey, I finally saw
Blockers on my flight. I'm like, fuck
you. You saw it on your fucking
flight? When I was trapped and had nothing else. Yeah, I'm glad I entertained you for 90 minutes on my flight. I'm like, fuck you. You saw it on your fucking flight? When I was trapped and had nothing else.
Yeah, I'm glad I entertained
you for 90 minutes on your flight to Dallas,
you cheap fuck. Buy a ticket to my
goddamn movie.
Good lord. Speaking of cheap,
we were thinking, if there was
the oath,
this is real, how much
to make you sign this oath?
What's your number? Everybody's got a number. There's something. How much to sign, how much to make you sign this oath? What's your number?
Everybody's got a number.
There's something.
How much to sign the oath?
Because in the movie, it's a tax credit, right?
It's a tax credit and a healthcare waiver.
Me, present day?
Yep.
You're rich, so.
I'm rich adjacent.
I see the rich people.
I know where they live.
I smell their cologne.
I can smell their cologne. I see the rich people I know where they live I smell their cologne I can smell their cologne
I see their cars
Million dollars
Tax free
Million
Okay
That's an honest number
What if you got just tax
Like no more tax
Ever?
Yeah
Where do I sign?
Fucking put that shit down
What is loyalty?
It's just a construct
I sound like Kanye
Loyalty's a construct!
Fuck, yeah, I know.
And I think that's kind of like, you know, in the movie, like, I think a lot of people
because I'm personally, I'm like a liberal guy
and on Twitter I like fucking
bitch about Trump and stuff. But in real
life, or in this movie rather,
we slay liberals.
We like fucking destroy them because
a lot of liberals I know are like, I think, they're a lot of talk.
And I think it's kind of funny that this guy, the whole movie is like, oh, never sign.
You sign.
You're part of the problem.
And then when it's presented, he's like, I'll sign.
I'll sign right now.
You know what I mean?
So I think that's kind of like why we got such a good reaction, especially in the red states, where people are like,
I like how you made the liberal big pussy, man.
That was good.
I like that.
That was funny, man.
Good stuff.
Very good.
It's good because I also think liberals are pussies.
So good, good.
Thank you for that.
Even in the trailer,
I think it's the brother's girlfriend.
She's like,
that's the thing about you liberals.
Every time you...
And I was like,
I think I've heard that exact phrase a billion times it's crazy man it's crazy yeah it's just
people are just where everyone's at 10 now you know what i mean and there's not a lot of nuance
anymore so uh you just have people kind of screaming talking points at each other and
there's not a whole lot of listening and the takeaway of the movie really is let's try our
best with our family we don't agree with even if they're like hardcore to movie really is let's try our best with our family we don't agree
with even if they're like hardcore to the right like let's try our best to keep these conversations
going because i think i know a lot of people personally are like i'm just not going home this
year i don't want to talk to my dad fuck him and i'm like that's bad man that when that happens we
we internalize everything and we stay in these little tiny bubbles and if you read your history
books when people are in little tiny bubbles,
that's when, like, your buddy Hitler happens.
Let's change this narrative, all right?
Let's move on from the whole Adolf thing, all right?
Christ.
I have a list here of other fictional leaders.
I want to know if you would sign the oath.
Got it.
Okay.
We'll start with West Wing,
Jed Bartlett.
I haven't seen a whole lot of the West Wing, but I know
Martin Sheen, I loved him in Apocalypse Now,
so the answer is yes. Independence
Day, President Whitmore. Yes.
Right? Today. That's the
fastest thing that's ever happened. But can I not sign the one from
Independence Day 2? Oh, fuck that!
Different one. No. It has to be the same one?
Independence Day 2 is so fucking good. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm signing the one from Independence Day 2. Oh, fuck that. Different one. No. It has to be the same one? Independence Day 2 is so fucking good.
I haven't seen it yet, but I'm just.
They said, let me tell you something.
They take an African warlord, send him to space with machetes and no spacesuit.
That's got to be the last resort.
Not one scientist is like, hold on, hold on.
Jeff Goldblum didn't say, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
You're going to send him into space?
No, no, no, no suit?
Oh, nope.
He's the only one.
Everyone else is a space suit.
He's just got like a white beater and two machetes.
Fucking amazing.
That might be.
I don't know.
I don't know if that's scientifically accurate.
Yes.
Whitmore, yes.
Selina Meyer, veep.
Fuck yes.
Yes. The best fictional president of all time
Frank Underwood, House of Cards
Fuck no
For myriad reasons
Harrison Ford as James Marshall in Air Force One
Yes
Sometimes these people, I'm like
Can we just try him out as real president?
Yeah, oh, Harrison Ford Oh, dude, first of we just try him out as real president? Yeah, oh, Harrison Ford
Oh, dude, first of all, get him out of the plane
And we all get high all day
Fucking sign me up, hello
Last one, 24, David Palmer
Not only would I sign it, I would buy insurance from him
And so the answer is yes
Very calm measurement
And he knows Joe Boo
Who? He's fucking Serrano from Major League Oh! So the answer is yes. Very calm measurement. And he knows Joe Boo.
Who?
He's fucking Serrano from Major League.
Oh!
I didn't realize that.
Big time.
Curveball.
Big time.
So what do you think about your Bears?
Up your butt, Joe Boo.
I'm still, no pun intended, bullish on them.
Despite the fact that you got New England next week as well.
Yeah, that sucks.
I mean, listen, yesterday was shit. And I feel like they lose to the Dolphins whenever they play them,
like, in an inordinate amount of times.
I don't know what it is.
That sucked.
But, listen, the North is a little weak.
The defense is fucking dope.
Like, they look really good.
Minus the rocket ship, you know, you guys were.
If it was any other quarterback besides the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL,
I think we would have won that game.
But Trubisky is the first quarterback we've had, and I'm not even exaggerating.
I'm going to go ahead and say 18 years, maybe 25, maybe since like,
I don't even know who, what's his name?
Who's the coach now?
Harbaugh.
I mean, I'm telling you, I feel calm when I see Trubisky,
even when he was shitty his first season.
I was still like there was a calm I had when he had the ball.
I don't know what it is.
I have officially given myself over to Sam Donald in the same way.
Have you really?
My body is ready.
Yeah, I'm ready for it.
Like, I'm just, I mean, every week for the past however long,
and a little blip on the radar with Fitzpatrick and McCown,
every week I was like, we're not going to move the football. I just want to make it to, like, midfield. Like, just a little blip on the radio with Fitzpatrick and McCown. Every week, I was like, we're not going to move the football.
I just want to make it to midfield.
Just a couple first downs. And now, I'm not
saying we're going to win every game. I'm just happy that
I will watch the offense move up the field.
Every quarterback, including Jay Cutler,
for years, when they
would snap it, my
asshole would pucker.
Because I was like, here we go. For sure a
pick six. For sure a pick sex.
Every time.
Not even something bad.
Something wildly embarrassing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Mitch, for some reason, I don't know why.
I just have faith in that guy.
And I love watching him play.
And I think he's going to be around for a while.
Yeah.
It's a weird thing, though, when you just turn your well-being over to this kid.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, Mitch, nice to meet you.
Mitch.
You're going to control my life for the next 12 to 15 years.
You're in charge of my happiness every Sunday for the next 15 years.
My kid's over there.
She's stacking shit.
I'm going to be mean to her if you don't win.
I'm going to be in a bad mood.
Do you know what's at stake, bro?
But I still feel good.
And I'm sure it'll come down to some awful late-season game.
And Aaron Rodgers will be taken out by Khalil Mack in the fucking first quarter.
And he'll come back and throw four touchdowns in the last quarter.
And we'll lose.
And I'll be fine with it.
Because I'm a Bears fan.
That's what we do, dog.
It's life.
It's life.
You're a stronger guy because of it.
Fuck yes.
Keep making funny movies, dude.
Brother.
The Oath is out now in New York and LA.
It's out everywhere on Friday.
Yeah.
So go check it out.
Tiffany Haddish, by the way.
That's a nice little one to just jump on.
I mean, the last thing we mentioned was Tiffany Haddish.
Yeah.
All right.
I'll see that shit.
Thank you guys so much for having me.
Ike Barinholtz brought to you by SeatGeek.
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Good interview with Ike.
He's a man.
I like him a lot.
Yeah, very funny guy.
But I don't know if he's good at faking being really nice
or he's just really nice.
It's so fucked up that that's my first thought.
It's like maybe they're just lying about being a nice person. Well it's not fucked up it's pretty much that's the way to go
like that's if we're being realistic here that's probably the majority of people like he's like
he's like happy yeah he kept being like really great to be here yeah is it though like i don't
know about that he was he didn't say anything mean about the studio he said the studio felt old like
the old time he won new York Post. That's nice.
That's the best that we're going to get.
I don't know if that's a compliment, but we're going to take it as one.
You're in a good mood, though.
Buddy.
I mean, I'll be honest.
I don't even know if I like it.
What is going on here?
I can see it being very annoying.
Let's dial it back like nine or ten notches.
I have depression out of politeness.
It's so jarring with you because it's usually like you're a suicidal Eeyore,
and right now you're fucking like Tigger.
You're bouncing off the walls and shit.
Went from one Winnie the Pooh character to another.
Christopher Robin callback.
How fantastic is that?
Yeah, man.
I've diagnosed myself, actually.
I have reverse seasonal affective disorder.
I feel that.
I think you're on to something.
I don't get sad in the winter.
I get fucking happy.
I get depressed in the summer when I go do shit.
Well, it works double for you because it's a little bit cold.
People aren't expecting you to go out.
Sitting at home under your 40 pounds of blankets is socially acceptable. And also you can get those fits off boy yeah yeah so you get to dress how
you want to dress when you do go out and you don't have to go out very often that's a double whammy
for john henry i was walking into fenway the other day and yeah granted the alcs is probably
a nice part too but i was walking in and i caught a breeze and like i i hit like it was a crack pipe
like cold air i was like dude especially after what we were
talking about where it was like fall but it was still 80 degrees so we were dressing like fall
and I was just sweating my dick off and now I'm like it's finally cool again I love it it changes
my entire day when I'm not sweating or I'm not like sticky or it's uncomfortable it's like oh
my oh my god I can enjoy life yeah life is pleasant I think part of it is reverse seasonal
reverse sad
that is like so poetic in so many ways
I think part of it too is
there's a lot just happening
at the same time right now
we got the ALCS, Pats are back
it's cold again, I'm dressing nice
I think also like you said you don't have to go out and whatnot.
It's kind of like the Joker in Dark Knight.
It's kind of like me.
Where he just wants to prove to everybody that they're not a good person.
I want to prove to everybody that you're not that happy.
So when everyone else is getting their regular sad, I'm happy.
I'm like, I knew you were all like me
you are the sick pup
this is maniacal you are maniacal right now i don't like you happy let's get you depressed
oh you have seasonal affective disorder you don't like going out and you fucking
like that's me every day bitch somebody call john fat and bring him
down to several notches i need him i need him even killed this is crazy man talk i do i do
really feel seasonal of reverse sad though because if you like if you like hot weather
over cold weather at this point i fucking hate you you. He's such a stupid bitch. Like, where people are like, oh, let's go to the beach, or like, let's go to a rooftop
bar, all that shit.
Like, no.
No.
No.
The beach stinks.
Stinks.
Rooftop bars, not fun.
Crowded, expensive, slow.
Like, no.
Let me go to like a dark-
Closer to the sun.
Let me go-
It's hotter on a rooftop bar.
Let me go to a dark restaurant that's like cold and cozy and good.
I'm going to go to one right after this.
I'm so jacked up.
I'm going to get an old-fashioned ride.
Yeah, I was going to say, let me drink some whiskey in the dark.
Now I'm happy.
This weather feels like drinking to me.
When I walk outside, I'm like, it's time to drink.
Yeah, most people, it's like sunny and 80, and they're like,
oh, let's get a Corona.
And I'm like, oh, let's fucking, I want like a Magnum bottle of red wine
in the cold.
There it is!
It's great. When I can
walk somewhere and not sweat,
it's perfect. It's heaven.
I got a hood up all the time.
It's an excuse to be even
more hidden. It's fantastic.
In the summer, you're not looking so fat.
I got this fucking t-shirt
I just took a picture with.
I had to suck it so hard.
When I'm outside,
I got at least three jackets on.
I have multiple jackets wearing.
Let's get into voicemails.
We're doing them with Johnny Bananas today.
That idiot came through.
And if there's ever been someone
who's stupid enough
to just sit down
and answer dumb questions with us, it's Bananas.
He was right in there.
I don't know if we said it on air or afterwards.
You were like, I don't know if you've ever thought about doing this, but you're pretty good at it.
You were a little too natural about talking about stripper poles and fucking your girl in front of your mom and stuff like that.
So Bananas fit right in with the gang.
Voicemails today with Johnny are brought to you by Quip.
Fights, what's the most important thing of your appearance?
Smile.
Every time.
He's always said it.
The smile makes the man, and brushing your teeth makes the teeth.
So Quip makes the man.
Ipso facto.
Quip is a better electric toothbrush created by dentists and designers,
and it's designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable, and even enjoyable.
I'm rocking out with the Quip right now, and I like it because it's designed to make brushing your teeth more simple affordable and even enjoyable i'm rocking out with the quip right now and i like it because uh it's like i feel like when you have
an electric toothbrush like that's yours like i feel like you know people are more inclined to
like like if you came over my house right i gotta say something super weird after this go ahead if
you came over my house and you didn't have a toothbrush you know you just grab one right the answer for me is yes
but I think everyone else is like what the fuck
listen if you
if you go if you
if your choice is to go without brushing your teeth
and just quickly grabbing someone's for
60 seconds
you're an asshole
but I feel like you wouldn't do that with my electric toothbrush
no you're right
so I feel like quip is like your toothbrush my electric toothbrush. No, you're right. You know?
So I feel like Quip is like your toothbrush.
You're not going to have your creepy guest using it.
How about that for a sale point?
That is 100% just because you'd get caught.
Because people would hear.
Yeah, well, hi.
What did he bring?
His own electric toothbrush.
Sure.
You think that the vibrating pulses is to get rid of plaque?
No, it's an alarm for when your grimy friends are using your toothbrush.
That was a line towards the later seasons of The Office
when Andy drives down to Florida to get Erin,
and she comes running out, and she's like,
he goes, she doesn't have any bags.
And he's like, you don't have anything?
She's like, no.
And he goes, not even a toothbrush?
You don't own a toothbrush?
She goes, there's always one.
There's always one sitting there.
So I got the quip, my smile has never looked brighter and flashier than right now.
Sensitive sonic vibrations.
It does look really good.
Thank you.
It's a quip, bro.
It's a quip difference.
It's got a two, because this is why.
It's got a two-minute timer.
I would never brush my teeth for a full two minutes unless I had a timer.
Oh, I still sing happy birthday.
Yeah, is that like the...
I sing happy birthday twice.
I was going to say, happy birthday is pretty quick.
I'd rather just push the button on the timer.
And the brush heads get automatically delivered to you.
That's another thing.
I haven't heard of it.
I wouldn't change my regular stick toothbrush for like years.
It's supposed to change every three months.
Three months?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
So they get delivered right to you, so you just pop them right on.
So go to getquip.com slash KFC, and you'll get your first refill pack of brushes for free.
Quip starts at just $25.
Get yourself that $25 brush.
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Voicemails.
All right, back in studio, the one and only Johnny Bananas.
You saw him last time on Watchlist.
We were talking television.
We were talking reality TV.
The show on NBC First Look.
Today, he's on KFC Radio.
Today, he's going to be talking to the people. He's going to be giving advice.
Life advice from Johnny Bananas.
That's what I do. The people need to know
how to
survive. I am a cornucopia
of useless information.
Whatever your problems are, people,
call in.
That is exactly what we need.
We're just eating fucking veggie straws and giving good advice today.
Well, you know, you're a healthy guy.
You're always in shape.
I try to tell that to my liver, man, after I did to myself last night.
It's a rough one.
Thanks for coming, guys.
I really appreciate the support, you know?
Well, it's, you know.
You guys are busy.
I get it.
I get it.
You guys got a lot of shit going on, you know?
How is it going? I mean, the first look life is, you know. You guys are busy. I get it. I get it. You guys got a lot of shit going on, you know? How is it going?
I mean, the first look life is, you know.
It's been an absolute whirlwind, my friend.
The challenge obviously occupied a huge portion of my time.
Not just when we're filming, but off the show obviously too.
Because then when we're not, you know, on location, you know, MTV had me doing whatever, running around Times Square, specials for Mountain Dew,
all this other stuff.
And then, you know, in between that, you know, appearances,
travel and that sort of thing.
And now essentially all the free time that I had in between
shooting the challenge has now completely been, you know,
taken up by first look.
You got two jobs, bro.
I got a real job.
I mean, last time we talked to you, you'd been to like 10 countries
in three months. Yeah. I mean, it's been jobs, bro. I got a real job. I mean, last time we talked to you, you'd been to like 10 countries in three months.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been wild, dude.
Like just looking back, what's cool now is I'm actually starting to see it all like come to fruition because we've been filming now for four months for First Look.
And, you know, we're doing all this crazy outlandish shit shooting for, you know, sometimes 10, 12, 13 hours a day just grinding it out and now it's awesome to see everything that we
did and all the hard work and
come to the screen
and I'm seeing myself in a
you know in a light that I've never
seen myself before I'm used to seeing myself on reality
TV I mean the last
decade I've seen myself you know
arguing with people competing
interviews that sort of thing but now seeing myself
like having to be the interviewer and be in this different space.
Now you're in a three-piece suit.
Yeah.
You're shaking hands.
Is that really weird for you?
Growing up, man.
It's really weird.
It really is.
We've kind of had to do that a little bit where it's like they want us to do promo shoots
and stuff like that.
We did headshots the other day.
And we were like, fuck it.
Yeah.
It looks like I act like an asshole, and that's what I do well.
Good.
You should. Acting like trying to to be like I'm a professional now
is fucking weird for me
so for me
reality TV
is just a different animal right
I think we talked about this last time
the challenge is all about
dominating conversations
the challenge is all about using
whatever bit of camera time you're going to get all about dominating conversations the the challenge is all about using whatever whatever
bit of camera time you're going to get and you're going to use it to the best that you can and
they're all about like quick witty sound bites and interviews they want everything concise and
they want it to be witty and they want everything to be a joke so it's like you're kind of always
on you would feel like you always have to be on and i kind of of took that over to first look because that's all I really knew.
It was like every interview I did, I felt like everything had to be a punchline.
Every question I asked, I had to find some way to come back and some way to be witty.
And I found myself not really listening to what they were saying.
I was just kind of like –
Thinking of your own response.
Exactly.
I'm just waiting to interject again.
And it's not about that.
It's literally about you not being – the spotlight not being on you.
It's about shining the spotlight on whoever you're interviewing in that episode.
It's tough after 30 seasons of the challenge.
Like, give me the spotlight.
Give me the spotlight.
That's fucking exhausting, though, the other way.
Having to always be on that.
It's both at the very time.
Listening to someone.
Listening to someone is fucking exhausting.
Shut the fuck up.
But also, like, just
having your brain work all the time.
I gotta have my exercise ready.
It's fucking brutal. And in a weird way,
it's like, I mean, sitting in a room
full of dudes, it's like learning how to, like,
you know, like, be, like,
not vulnerable, but
okay to, like, open up
and, like, not have your guard
up all the time. The challenge, your guard's up 24-7. I can't even imagine that. Because the second you let your guard down, you like not have this have your guard up all the time the challenge your
guard's up 24 7 i can't even imagine because the second you let your guard down you let your guard
down here yeah uh you're out of your fucking mind that's true that's true i i just feel like more
like you can't the thing is they live there so like i wouldn't even go to sleep if i was on the
challenge yeah i would be i would just be up 24 hours a day in the corner just like you know with
the guns in my hand.
Sleep with a knife under your pillow.
Yeah.
But since this, since, since first look is, it's more like we do like a lot of like profiles on like people and their businesses and it's, it's, you know, and there's like a lot more
of like a human element, you know, related to it when I'm not doing dumb shit, like dressing
up like a drag queen or running around, you know, sumo wrestling, 600 pound fat guys.
It's like, we're doing these pieces on like, on like people.
And especially on the travel episodes.
And it's like, they want you to like, get to like,
use your heart to like get to like the root of these people.
What is that?
What does that mean?
Well, I mean, dude, to like actually, like to, to get to like, you know,
whatever these people's family story is.
And like, it's more of like a feel good piece in a way.
And for me to be on camera going from the only thing I'm used to doing is just tearing
people down.
Mentally assassinating.
Exactly.
And manipulate the shit out of people.
Now it's like, I actually have to talk to this person and, and, you know, open up and
like, you know, kind of care about their story.
So it's really taken, it's not necessarily difficult for me to do.
It's just difficult for me to let my guard down when the cameras are on.
And they've had to tell me.
They're like, dude, we're not in the business of – because that's another thing you've got to be worried about on the challenge is how you're edited.
Because they can take anything you say and anything they do and twist it to make you look a certain way.
That's what we're going to do here today.
Thank you.
We're going to take all this out.
You're going to make me sound like a complete idiot.
I'm okay with it.
Yes.
Do your worst.
Let's get to the people.
They're going to open up, and we'll see what soft bananas with a heart can tell them.
He's all mushy inside.
What's up, guys?
Forgive me.
My voice is completely gone because I am sick.
But anyway, this past weekend, I went on vacation with my boyfriend and his family, and we stayed
in this Airbnb.
And when we got to the airbnb there was a stripper
pole in the living room yes and then we went upstairs to my boyfriend i went upstairs to our
room and there was a stripper in the mirror on the ceiling and then like a bathtub in the middle
of the room like not closed off by anything or anything like that. And it was not advertised in the Airbnb pictures.
And we had to stay in this weird ass place with his family,
like his sisters and his mom.
So I just want to know like who the fuck rents out this like kinky ass place
that they have.
Bananas.
I didn't know you were renting out your spot bananas.
I was going to say,
I'm actually really offended.
I'm actually really offended by the way this girl's talking about
my spot. I mean, she says
weird. I say amazing. Yeah, that sounds
pretty fucking fun. Well, I can see the awkwardness
of being with the family, but
that's something that, I feel like that's
something you kind of have to just expect
with Airbnb. Airbnb life is weird.
We went to, when I was
very young, we went to
a ski trip, and the house we rented had bongs everywhere.
And they were just decoration.
And I was just old enough to know what they were, and my parents knew I was just old enough.
And I kept being an asshole.
They were like, Mom, what's this?
It's a potted plant or whatever.
People are weird.
When you go into other people's houses
You're gonna see some weird shit
I don't think, this is my thing
I think what made this weird was the parents
I think if you and your girlfriend
Or whoever, if you're dating some chick
You get an Airbnb and you go up and there's a mirror
On the ceiling of the bedroom
You're like dude this is awesome
It's almost like when you're watching
The Wolf of Wall Street with your mom
And it's like you're sitting there and it's like, you're sitting there
and it's like the most awkward experience ever
but if you're watching it with your girlfriend or your buddies
it's not as bad.
I actually, you know what? I don't think so.
I still can't do it.
I don't think, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I agree with that, with like watching movies
and stuff like that. But I mean,
a stripper pole isn't really
inherently a weird thing.
Yes, if you took all your clothes off and shit, but you can just have fun with a family
on that.
Like, people like, you could do, I could see like being like, hop on a pole.
I could see like getting drunk with my family in the living room and just like swinging
around on it.
Like, that's fucking funny.
Like the monkey bars.
Yeah, you can have a good time with that.
I would just.
And just leave your fucking clothes on, but you can have fun.
I would feel so weird going with my girlfriend because it's like, obviously, the dad knows
what's going on.
Right.
All right.
You and my daughter, you're sleeping with my daughter.
I'm a guy.
The way she phrased it, like we went to our room.
So they're cool.
Just like, all right, we're on a trip.
You're going to smash whatever.
As if it's not weird enough that you're there with the parents.
They probably know what's going on.
You got to be quiet.
It's like, shut the door, put a towel under it so they can't hear.
Be quiet.
Put the turn the faucet on. Imagine got to be quiet. It's like, shut the door. Put a towel under it so they can't hear. Be quiet.
Turn the faucet on.
Imagine them walking by. Are you guys ready for breakfast?
They look up and there's like fucking mirrors on the wall.
As soon as you hear the fucking jacuzzi bubbles going from the hot tub in the middle of the room.
That would be an awkward experience.
I get it.
I mean.
That's the kind of house I'm trying to fuck with.
I mean, you can't get in.
That jacuzzi can't get used anyway.
I'm not getting in someone else's fucking bathtub.
What are you, sick? I'm not a germaphobe enough't get in that. That jacuzzi can't get used anyway. I'm not getting in someone else's fucking bathtub. What are you, sick?
I'm not a germaphobe enough to worry about that.
I mean, that's not germaphobia to be fucking not getting in someone else's bathtub.
Like, I'll let it run a couple.
Like, you put, like, 110 degree water in there, let it bubble up, it's clean.
Throw some Clorox in there.
False.
You know?
False.
Not clean.
There's nothing that hot water can't fix.
That's super wrong.
Like, boiling water, sure.
Like, hot water is where it festers. Some chlorine and
shit, man. Yeah. Just pee in it.
It's a hot tub. Listen, go in the hot tub,
pee in it. It's like a jacuzzi
bath. This is not a hot tub. It's a jacuzzi
bathtub. You don't know what it is.
It's in the middle of a goddamn fuck room. She said jacuzzi bathtub.
It's in the middle of a fuck house. You don't know what it is.
Listen, can we write this girl back? I want to know the address
of this place. That's where I want to go.
Let me know.
I'm going.
I can give you her number.
We have the number.
Do you want to text her, Johnny?
We can make it really awkward.
That's what you guys should do.
You should be like, listen, we're going to give away a trip for a couple and their parents.
It's an amazing destination.
And send them to this place.
Just fuck with them.
What's up, KFC and Fights?
Matt from Scottsdale here so i just got the presidential notification
today testing the new fema automated system and it got me thinking if you had the power to send
a text message to everybody in the country what would you send love to hear your thoughts oh my
god that's a fucking diesel question is. That's a diesel question right there.
Wow.
That's going to take some thought.
So everybody got that presidential or whatever.
I don't think I did.
You definitely got it.
Did I?
I mean, if not, you should probably look into that.
You know what?
I don't remember this.
You're just totally off the grid.
I saw it going viral, and I was like, I don't think I got that.
You know what I'd say?
I'd say, listen, in order to cut down the deficit,
I need every single person to Venmo a dollar to this account.
Deficit will be wiped out.
Not a bad move.
Or like a GoFundMe or something like that.
And I'd start my own GoFundMe page,
and I'd make like $250 million in five minutes.
Dude, even if you get a small percentage of people who get duped,
you're going to get banked.
Yeah, you have those kids at a college game day who hold up their signs,
like, I'm a college kid
who needs to pee
or here's my Venmo
and they get like
a lot of money.
I've always said that.
Like, okay,
if you were like,
imagine if you were like
the CEO or like the,
you know,
the top of like a Chase
or like a Wells Fargo
or something like that.
If you just took 10 cents
out of every single
bank account
that you guys own,
you would be
a billionaire overnight.
Office space,
Superman 4.
Would you ever notice?
No.
Would you notice 10 cents
being missing?
I think you could take like $10 these days. Like, fuck it. No, I'm way more. And they'd never notice. No. Would you notice 10 cents being missing from your account? I think you could take
like $10 these days.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
No, I'm way more.
You could take like $1,000.
You could take a lot of money
from me.
I have no idea.
I don't ever know
how much money I have
in my bank account.
I don't either.
So it's always stressful.
But you're probably rich.
There's a difference.
So I'm always like,
every time I use my card,
I'm just like,
oh, this works.
I have no idea
how much money I have.
You'll look at your bank statement every once in a while, and you'll be like, what the fuck?
And you get so angry.
But you're like, I've looked at my bank statement for the last year, and this probably has been happening every day.
I lived above a bar when I was in Manhattan, and one time I looked at my year-end statement at the bar that we used to go to, and I was like, I'm never doing this again.
Ever.
But if you've ever added up your Ubers, you've added up your restaurants your takeout like you
see especially living in New York disgusting especially here because no one eats at home
everyone eats out and you go out and it's like yeah drinks and a burger 100 bucks I mean that
sounds right yeah right honestly you can make up whatever price you want and I'd be like okay
dude I think we um what did I say? I was like, I said we got
after work drinks or something like that.
I was telling a story on radio, I think.
And it was like $200 total.
And people were like, Jesus Christ.
It was literally seven drinks.
It wasn't all me.
It was two rounds for me and Keith
and I think Nate stopped by for a drink.
I paid for it. It was like $240.
And it wasn't even like, oh, shit.
It was just like, yeah.
Yeah, that's what it cost.
It's God forsaken city.
So if you guys had it, what would you guys do?
I mean, your approach is probably the right one.
You have 350 million people to go after.
So what do you want to get that many people to do?
You know what you do?
You change the response.
Like, if you had an ex that you really hated, you would change the response number to hers.
I was going to say.
I want everyone to text back something really disgusting. had an ex that you really hated you would change the response number to hers i was gonna say i want everyone to text back something really not an ex i would just give out your number and just watch you burn like he he you like i'd write i'd have a susan kevin's fault yeah he
doesn't like anybody texting him let alone that's my thing million that was gonna be my first question
you get charged for all of them yeah my first question was gonna be do they can they reply to
because if that's the case, I'd pass.
I'm out. I don't want this power. I don't think I'd do that
for any amount of money. I don't think I would give
that. I get like
three texts in a row and I get a heart attack.
I think if I couldn't respond,
I would say, don't be an asshole today.
That should be
the new presidential mantra. Every single day.
Make America great again. Don't be an asshole today.
Don't be an asshole today. You be an asshole. Just use it.
You know when you come back from the bars
and it's like you struck out
all night long
and you're just like,
damn, I'm going to start
texting people?
Just text you up.
All right?
Question mark.
Amass you up.
Imagine the amount
of responses you get.
If you could just
shrink it down a little bit.
If you could text
your entire neighborhood,
come by.
Or just play the numbers.
Or just girls in college.
That's what you'd do. Yeah, I guess. Or just girls in college.
A geographic location where you can connect with people you don't know.
Does that exist yet?
I want all the numbers
on Rutgers campus, but only in the
sorority houses. Without STDs.
The Cleveland.
I don't know.
You text two people.
What's up, KFC, Fights, SVBC?
So, listen to your episode last week and talking about the sex dolls.
And my buddies and I started looking at these websites and all the sex dolls had bios, like, with their name and profession and personality. and profession and personality and all that kind of stuff.
So my question to you is, what would be your ideal bio for a sex doll?
Well, let's start off. Bananas, would you fuck a sex doll?
First look here on NBC, we'll be breaking down sex dolls today.
I can honestly say I've done a lot of wacky shit in my life.
Having sex with a doll is, or having sex with someone that wasn't alive is not one of them.
Would you? Dude,
I don't think so, man. I just fuck too many
real girls. No, I mean,
if you think about it, it's like, dude,
just wait till the next day. I mean, when
would you do it? I mean, how does this even come
about? Well, so, I mean, you order it in the mail
In Italy, they have, like,
whorehouses, right, with dolls. And apparently now you can buy them online and they have, like, whorehouses, right, with dolls.
And apparently now you can buy them online and they have, like, this is Rebecca and she works in HR and she graduated with a fucking degree.
I mean, that shit is, like, I can see that working because.
If you're going to fuck a doll, if you're the type who's like, I got to go buy a fuck doll, you're the type who's like, I'm going to, like, marry my fuck doll. There was some study recently about dolls and robots
where if you say
don't kill me,
if you can have the robot program to do that,
people like
80% more likely to not do it.
To kill it. Only 20% of people
hit the off switch. Please don't hit the off switch.
And people are like, ah, fuck it, never mind.
So if you add a human element
to it, it becomes a much more real, erotic, perhaps, thing.
But what if one's like Jessica?
She works at McDonald's.
Well, that might be the guy who's like, I want to...
See, even just thinking of that, I'm like, gross.
I wouldn't fucking go work at McDonald's.
But you know how they're guys who are...
I got higher standards.
My sex doll's got to be an accomplished woman.
My fuckholes have to have at least a salary, no hourly wage.
Power suit, girl.
That's what I need.
There was a show that used to be on called Taboo.
I don't know if you guys ever saw it.
It was on like History or Discovery or something like that.
It's about like weird shit people do.
And there was a whole episode on weird lifestyles.
And this dude was married to a sex doll.
And obviously this dude is exactly what you think a guy married to.
He had purple hair.
And he would have to hang his sex doll from the ceiling,
and she'd be sitting there.
And he's like, yeah, you know, when we first met, it was all about sex.
It was all about sex, but now it's like we've connected on a different level.
I'm like, how do you connect with a sex doll?
Now, okay, here's the thing.
I mean, people connect with blankets, right?
I guess so. Yeah, but here's the thing.
You fall in love with your blankie as a child.
Yeah, but you don't cum in your blankie.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I've never fallen in love with anything.
You have a different relationship with your blankie than I would mine.
The moment that you are fucking scrubbing the...
You're cumming out of the inside of a doll, you're not connected anymore, okay?
I'm just going to say it.
That is something I've never been into.
However, you remember the movie The Matrix?
Yeah.
Remember?
They're in The Matrix, and the guy's like,
literally like,
I could set you up
on a date with like,
you could like,
create like whatever.
That would be pretty badass.
It's create a player.
It's create a player.
I'd never leave my house.
If I was in The Matrix,
I could like,
just put myself
in this other world
and just,
you know,
it's like,
why would you live
your normal shitty life
when you could live
this awesome made up life?
What would your girl's bio say?
It's right around the corner.
Um,
Evelyn was the first thing that just popped into my mind.
Evelyn!
Evelyn!
I don't know why.
That immediately popped in.
Evelyn would be 27.
And where would she work?
I'm trying to think about it right now.
27-year-old Evelyn, who is a...
Fuck, I was going to say agent, but now I don't think...
Agent?
Wait, an agent?
Too powerful.
Agent.
She might be an agent, too.
Evelyn the agent.
A blonde agent.
Okay.
And...
Evelyn the Blasian.
She works at an agency of some sort.
No, that was going to be the first thing, but I went with the gut on Evelyn.
I'm not going with the gut.
Make it realistic, and it's, you know, like marketing and PR.
Hooters. Hooters. Evelyn works at Hooters. She's a stripper. A it realistic and it's like marketing and PR. A PR girl
works.
A PR girl could work.
The same reason I didn't want to have an agent.
A lot of talking.
A lot of talking.
But she's a doll!
I'd see that but Evelyn's not going to shut the fuck up.
You don't want a sex doll that doesn't shut up.
I'm waiting for John though though, to be like,
her parents have died in a car crash.
My sex doll would be Eileen.
Eileen?
She'd work at IHOP, and she'd be a one-legged kickboxer.
All right, one more voicemail.
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Last one.
What do we got?
Hey, BC.
Hi, BC.
I need a little advice on how to approach this guy and ask if he wants to be friends with benefits.
We've actually been on a couple of dates, but I don't really want to date him.
I just kind of want him to be the guy I can call up and be like,
hey, you free to fuck tonight?
Wow.
Also, in like a Friends With Benefits, do you need to lay out any ground rules?
Anything?
Any advice?
Thanks, guys.
All right.
I really, talking about bios, this girl's definitely part unicorn.
Yeah, I don't know if you have to really, like, you know, measure your words here.
I think you can probably let that rip.
First of all, this isn't a discussion that needs to take place, okay?
All you do, like, this girl's thinking way too hard into this.
Maybe this is saying something about the guy.
Maybe the guy's, like, kind of an emo type of a dude. Because
all she has to do
all she has to do is
show up, sleep with this guy, and then
leave and do that on a regular basis.
She just sends that text. Are you up to fuck?
Are you up? What are you doing?
Here's how it works
for me. If you explicitly say
you don't want to date me.
I gotta date the fuck out of you.
So there are rules.
We can just keep having sex as long as it's never brought up.
But if you're like, we're never going to date, we're just going to be having sex.
I'm going to be like, okay, we're going to start dating.
I'm going to start laying it on thick now.
To go back to your mass text, that's why the you up text exists.
Everyone knows what that means without saying, I just want to fuck you.
You want to hang tonight.
Yeah, done.
It means the same thing.
And then, yeah, you leave or he leaves.
You either kick him out pretty quickly or you leave pretty quickly.
You don't do breakfast or whatever.
And it's pretty clear this is just that.
I'd like to ask a follow-up question because I want to see what this guy's all about.
Because if she has to have this conversation with him, then obviously it seems like this guy wants more than just...
It's probably not the right choice.
No.
Then you've got to burn it, yeah.
It's not a conversation you need to have.
When have you ever had to have a conversation with a girl
where it's like, I just want to fuck?
Right.
No strings attached.
Eventually it will be brought up, probably,
and that's when it will end.
But you just keep riding it until...
I think if you bring it up to her,
I think that's just how human brain works.
Jesus, mine isn't working right now.
Human brain?
The human brain works where it's like you want something like this.
And when you're told you can't have it.
That never even crossed my mind.
Dating you.
We're just having sex.
But now that you're telling me we can't date.
I need to date.
That's why you would turn the robot off.
Please don't turn me off.
All right, Bananas.
We appreciate you coming through.
So the challenge final reckoning goes until December 4th.
And of course, you got the new
gig, NBC's First Look.
That's on Saturday nights after SNL.
Yeah, we got the sex doll episode coming up.
You guys said, have you
ever done it? Well, you might. There's a lot
of firsts coming out on First Look, so
boys, stay tuned.
Thank you, brother.
Thank you to Bananas.
That moron.
He is
He is a little
A little too close for comfort
I know I told you
We almost should just
Like hire him
And give him a podcast
To keep him
You know when you sign someone
So that your rival
In the division doesn't sign him
He's gonna have a podcast
He ain't gonna be talking
About shit like this soon
So let's just
Fucking sign him
And stash him
Or kill him
Like you said about Brock Osweiler.
Right.
We're going to hire Johnny Bananas, lure him in here, and then we'll kill him.
You can technically do that to people.
The only problem is that he is, I mean, that's allowed.
Yeah.
It's called business.
Under contract, yeah.
The problem is he is like, that's his game.
You can't, you just let that one sit.
Yeah.
But we got to address that real quick.
That's fine. It's fine.
It's fine.
Whoops.
Bananas is like everywhere he's gone for the past 20 years.
All of his peers and coworkers and co-stars have been trying to kill him.
Yeah, yeah.
So we'd be like, all right, booby trap, and he'd be like, kill us.
We'd be dead, and then he would really take over the market.
So thank you to Bananas.
We're going to get into a new segment.
I think you're going to really like this one.
Oh, yeah?
Every episode, we are going to finish out with a KFC Radio song choice.
Okay.
It can be from one of your stupid musicals.
Nice.
It can be the new shit that we found that we're going to put you onto it.
Or if it's nothing new out recently, we'll do a throwback or a topical, whatever it is.
I've always wanted to incorporate more music into the show.
We're going to start up a Spotify list the whole night.
We're getting into the music game.
Very nice.
So this is a little KFC Radio music brought to you by Liquid IV.
I feel like everyone up in Boston,
everyone went to all these different spots at Barstool.
You were up in Boston.
Dave and them went to Ann Arbor.
The girls were down at Ainsworth.
Everybody was drinking this weekend.
Afterwards, I saw everybody drinking liquid IV.
I had three liquid IVs today.
Exactly.
One liquid IV is worth three to four bottles of water.
You're at nine to 12 bottles of water right now.
Very nice.
It helps aid in recovery after a night out or your fast-paced lifestyle
or you're stuck at work, you're stuck at school, you got kids to raise, whatever it may be.
It is the party recovery drink.
If you're traveling, you're jet-lagged, you need to hydrate.
It's winter.
People aren't drinking.
You know, you're not hydrating as much.
This is the solution to all your problems, and it's just going to make you healthier overall.
And when you drink food, when you drink water, you look better.
I always feel good.
Yeah.
I think you need to drink a little more.
I think you need some more Liquid IV in your life.
Go to liquid-iv.com.
Use the promo code KFC at checkout.
You get 20% off anything you order on Liquid IV's website.
It's liquid-iv.com.
Promo code KFC.
I didn't know this was today.
I'm excited.
A little Star is Born action.
This is Bradley and Gaga
I'm assuming, right?
Yeah.
Let's see about this.
I'm seeing a lot of backlash.
I'm seeing a lot of people
say they don't like Star is Born.
Listen, if you can listen to this
and you don't like the movie,
right here.
Or do you need more?
Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?
It's a great line.
I'm falling.
In all the good times, I find myself longing for change.
And in the bad times, I feel myself.
I'm on the deep end.
Watch as I dive in.
I'll never meet the ground.
Bradley Cooper, you are not.
Gaga can just melt.
She just got so... She just got to...
So stupid.
This was my first cry in the movie.
Yeah, this sounds sad as fuck.
When she gets on stage and she's like...
Right now, when she finally realizes what she is.
She's like, oh, shit.
Oh, it was like an inspirational cry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, oh, it's so beautiful.
You're such a big, fat pussy.
I know.
What a pussy.
Right here, she looks out and she's like, singer, though.
I'll give you that much.
I can't get this guy on music.
This guy was born for music.
He's doing music right now.
In the shallow.
In the shallow.
Send us recommendations
for songs.