KFC Radio - Ike Barinholtz, Johnny Bananas, Reverse SAD and #BarstoolBeats

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

Ike Barinholtz is on the program to talk about The Oath and how much his loyalty costs to buy. Johnny Bananas answers voicemails. Feitelberg has reverse seasonal disorder. Would you steal someone's t...oothbrush? And special performance of Shallow.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. KFC Radio is brought to you by Thursday Boots. Boop, boop, boop. Talked to our guy Nolan over at Thursday. We're meeting a bunch of deadlines. We're checking boxes. Things are moving. Things are progressing. So we should have, hopefully, more Thursday Barstool collab coming your way. But don't let that stop you from getting some new ones now.
Starting point is 00:00:27 No. Treat yourself. No, definitely. Actually, this weekend it was Treat Yourself weekend. Like the actual anniversary or the day. I guess it's October 11th, maybe? 12th? The day of what?
Starting point is 00:00:37 Treat Yourself from Parks and Rec. Oh. Oh, got it. It's Treat Yourself Week. Treat Yourself from Thursday Boots. Thursday Boots. Black, brown, high top, low top, shoes, bags, belts, everything. Leather goods coming out of their ass.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Gets quickly made, quickly delivered. You'll have it in a couple days. You'll have a new pair of boots on. You'll look fresh. You'll have that leather smell. Yeah. It's really just like buy Thursday goods for the smell. Basically, it's like boots and cologne in one shot.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Yeah, you never have to actually wear the boots. Just stick your head in the box for a good 30 minutes. Yeah, just kind of rub the boots on your body. I'm good to go. Thursdayboots.com. The barstool boot was modeled after the captain, so the barstool boot sold out. But if you want to get something similar, different colorway, different materials, you can take a look at the captain.
Starting point is 00:01:24 We got hopefully a couple more in the mix. So officially, Thursday Boots are our guys. So get down with them if you're down with us, Thursdayboots.com. We got Ike Barinholtz on the program. The man. You know him from Blockers, the Mindy Project. He's got a new movie out, The Oath. Very funny guy.
Starting point is 00:01:41 I was nervous to talk to him. I like Ike Barinholtz a lot. Really? That was one of your guys? Yeah. Everybody has some people who are, despite, no matter what, like we've done this a lot, done a lot I like Baron it's a lot really that was one of your guys yeah everybody has some people who are
Starting point is 00:01:46 despite no matter what like we've done this a lot we've done a lot of interviews talked to a lot of people you get you get the the juice flowing
Starting point is 00:01:52 yeah but he was funny I mean he told us he had gone on the Howard Stern show right before and then I was like
Starting point is 00:01:56 we're good because you never know like Matt Walsh came in here remember him he sucked he was like so uptight
Starting point is 00:02:02 and I was like this guy I thought was gonna be the funniest dude in the world. And he's just like not our style. So despite, you know, there's funny and then there's like fit in with us funny. He's fit in with us funny.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Right away. Like, so what do you jerk off to? Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Let's just get right into it. Ike Barinholtz brought to you by Black Buffalo. Fights.
Starting point is 00:02:20 I don't want to see you die. You keep telling me that. I do. I want to go out with a black Buffalo in my lip, but I come out. I'm good. You know what you really should do? You want to really be valuable to the sponsor.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Keep up with the real stuff and die. Yeah. And I'd be like black Buffalo. We could have saved John Feidelberg. If he just listened to us, he'd still be alive. Your favorite. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:02:44 He's dead. So do black Buffalo. So you're not dead like John. Yeah. That would be the true value of the sponsor. Yeah. Yeah, I'll talk to them. I'll do it. I'll die.
Starting point is 00:02:52 Okay, here's what we do. For the right price, I'll die. Right, well, I was going to say, it's a super valuable campaign. And I think we should talk about that will before you die. Those Black Buffalo proceeds will be bequeathed to your boy KFC. Hey, you still got to do the ad reads? Just cry every time. Black Buffalo.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Brandi Mike fights his dead body. He's fucking dead. He did the real stuff, and he's fucking dead. Get Black Buffalo. He'll stay alive. Black Buffalo. It's the best way to keep up with the same experience of the traditional tobacco products. But there's no tobacco.
Starting point is 00:03:24 You know what? I actually experience of the traditional tobacco products. But there's no tobacco. You know what? I actually, I was given, someone came up to me at the Section 10 show up in Boston over the weekend. And they were like, man, what do you dip? And I said, I dip Black Buffalo. I had one on me. He's like, is that really good? And I said, I gave it to him. I said, you take this 10, man.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Talk to me after the show. He was like, this shit's the fucking best. It's really, really real. Same texture, same flavor, same buzz. Talk to me after the show. He was like, this shit's the fucking best. It's really real. Same texture, same flavor, same buzz. You get that same ritual every time, but you can ditch the tobacco. You can get 20% off your first order, too, right now when you go to blackbuffalo.com and use the promo code BARSTOOL. That's blackbuffalo.com, promo code BARSTOOL, 20% off that first order.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Let's talk to Ike. All right. It's a very special edition of KFC Radio. We are joined by Ike Barinholtz, who was just at Howard Stern. So a little warm up for us. I think I'm ready for you guys. A little pregame. You and Howard.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Let's see if we talk about masturbation faster. We can do that real quick. Because it was two minutes. As I was sitting, he's like, what are you jerking off to? It's good to see you, man. It's 7.56 a.m. How are you? It must be great.
Starting point is 00:04:30 It must be great when you can do that. And it's like no one even – they just answer it. They don't go like, what the fuck? It's like, well, gangbang. Jimmy Kimmel was in there before me. And like as we were driving, Jimmy was like, yeah, my wife caught me jerking off one time. And there was a picture of Adam Carolla on the screen. And it was just like, it's intense.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Howard has that ability to do that. We interviewed Wilmer Valderrama recently. Oh, he gave a famous interview on that show. And that was? And it was because Howard lures you in because he first of all stares at you, and he's got a kind of deep voice. And before you know it, you're just volunteering insanely personal personal information it's like hypnosis right it is almost hypnosis yeah it was the like the the email we got before valderrama came in was just like do not dare ask him about any past relationships yeah and i hadn't known about it i get to google it you don't have
Starting point is 00:05:19 that kind of time i think yeah i mean my god i was honestly like all right cross all that out i need a whole new interview now. Dude, it's insane. It's insane. He's a very lucky man. Very handsome. We can get into the masturbation. The movie, The Oath, takes place during Thanksgiving. It does. Famous time to masturbate. Who's not jerking
Starting point is 00:05:38 off during the holiday week? I was going to say, often you go to family or in-laws and then you're in the house. Yes. It's foreign territory. And like, do you jerk off in your mother-in-law's house? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:51 Yeah. It's also a stressful time. You got to clear the pipes. You got to clear the pipes. And you can really jerk off anywhere as long as it's not a place of business, I think. That's where you draw the line. Let's clarify. Public places, business places.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Any family member's house I think is fair game. But that's why I don't get invited to a lot of family functions because I keep getting caught because I'm so fucking horny you guys. Yes, but it does take place during the week of Thanksgiving. It is a...
Starting point is 00:06:19 It's very uncomfortable. It's so real. It's like everyone is so, Thanksgiving now is such a loaded thing, right? Because everyone's so divided, so dug in on their beliefs. And you used to be able to pivot to other shit. You could be like, hey, this year we're not talking about the president. We're just going to talk about football. Oops.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Yeah, right. Can't do that anymore. Nothing that's a bit of politics. Or like TV. Like, what are you guys watching? I like Roseanne. Fuck her. You know what I Can't do that anymore. There's nothing that's going to be on politics anymore. Or like TV. Like, what are you guys watching? I like Roseanne. Fuck her. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:06:46 That's true. So everything, politics has kind of permeated everything, and it's made us so combative. I wanted to tell the story about this family kind of just trying to make it through the week without saying something permanently hurtful. And then, of course, the second half of the movie takes this crazy violent turn where bad guys show up. We're beating the shit out of people and stuff. So we wanted to kind of take Thanksgiving and just set it on fire.
Starting point is 00:07:07 You almost get angry every time you look at your phone, right? You have Twitter notifications on or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think that's a real problem? Because I think that all the time. I walk around angry all day, every day. All day, every day. Just because I'm on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:07:20 It was getting so bad that I was missing milestone moments. I have three kids. And I was like, one day my daughter was like, I think it was the first time she stacked something. And I remember- Is that a big one? It's kind of- I was going to say, yeah. Listen, guys.
Starting point is 00:07:35 It's on the second tier of milestones. She's 16. She's 16. She's been trying for a long time. But I was reading an article about Ted Cruz. And I was like, oh, what a fucking idiot. And then I'm like, if I look back at the moments of my life, and I missed a seminal moment because I was reading an article about Ted Cruz, I'm going to feel pretty fucking stupid.
Starting point is 00:07:51 But I was obsessed. And I still am, but I've been able to kind of pull away a little bit and like, watch a Bears game. Well, that's a great idea. Go back on Twitter, buddy. When Brock Osweiler is stepping up to the plate on like two minutes notice. How much time we've lost to that fucking guy. That is the craziest bit of trivia ever.
Starting point is 00:08:10 He's in the AFC. Every time he debuts with a new team, it's against the Bay Area. It's like he's like Joe Montana in 1984. We just can't figure him out. Oh, it's horrible. The Brocketship. I mean, he's been cut a million times. You guys should just sign him.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yeah, hey. No, leave Mitch alone, man. Oh, I's horrible. The rocket ship. I mean, he's been cut a million times. You guys should just sign him. Yeah, hey. Well, no. Leave Mitch alone, man. Oh, I'm not saying. So sign him as like a backup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sign him and kill him. I named my first, my second daughter Peyton after Walter Peyton.
Starting point is 00:08:36 And if I have another kid, I'm naming it Trubisky. I don't care if it's a girl. I don't care if she has to like go in junior prom and she's like, my name is Trubisky Barrett Holtz. But I like that guy. But my point is that it's good to kind of put the phone down, put the Twitter down, walk away, be present, be with your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband, whatever you're doing. It's so fucking hard, though. It's very hard.
Starting point is 00:08:58 It is. But here's the thing. What are you going to miss? You're going to find out important news eventually. Right, right. If there's a nuclear launch somewhere, you're going to miss. You're going to find out important news eventually. If there's a nuclear launch somewhere, you're going to find out about it. So take that moment when you're watching a TV show or a movie or a
Starting point is 00:09:09 game or you're exercising and I'm trying to... Push ups. But give yourself that permission. Don't let this shit rob you of any joy. I mean, I'm a full-blown addict. But then there's also the moments like most recently,
Starting point is 00:09:26 like one of the internet's favorite porn stars teamed up with one of the internet's favorite Instagram models, and Twitter went wild, and it was the most entertaining thing I've ever seen. Well, that's okay. And I have to be a part of that. That you can make time for. If I was watching my goddamn kids take her first step or say her first words, I would have missed it.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Hold on, honey. This woman I've jacked off to is now on Instagram. Anyways, those moments, those are the real important ones. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about political strife. No, but it really is true. The political stuff has gotten so stupid. It's funny. I feel like
Starting point is 00:09:57 it used to be, if you were uninformed politically, you were kind of like an idiot and a child and immature. And now I think it's like the total opposite. I think people like fuck this i'm out of here yeah mature ones who are smart about the world yeah and it's you walk in that balance of being plugged in enough where you know what's going on when really crazy shit's happening you can do stuff about it but at the same time don't let it dictate your life right the only thing we can do is vote you know what i mean so don't let these forces that control you fucking take away your hat we're on the earth for
Starting point is 00:10:23 like eight seconds. Right. And like you want to spend that time yelling at a phone? No. So I tried to do that the other day. I was avoiding someone. I was like an adult, mature adult. Sure. So I turned my phone off.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Yeah. And I was trying to just watch. I was like, you know what? I'm going to leave it off for like a half hour. I'm going to live dangerously here. Wow. Are you okay? Like 10 minutes in, I turned it back on.
Starting point is 00:10:41 I know. I know. It's insane. What I will do sometimes is put the phone in the other room. Just put it in the other room. That way I walk in and I'm present and stuff. And then I can lay in bed at night and scroll through shit and go, what an idiot. This son of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:10:53 The only thing that trumps the addiction is the laziness for me where I'm like, I have to get up and walk to that other room. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I don't want to walk. I'm just going to stare at the ceiling for half an hour until I feel something. So the premise of the movie, The Oath, is that the whole country has to sign a patriotic oath. Yeah, basically, if you can imagine a politically divided America, imagine that. And a president obsessed with loyalty.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Again, keep the eye closed. And the deadline to sign is Black Friday, which is like the worst fucking – I can't even believe it's a day. It's like a nightmare day. It's awful. But the whole kind of first half of the movie takes place the week of Thanksgiving, right? And it's like the stress of the parents are there. My brother's an idiot. His girlfriend sucks.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And so it's all about like that kind of funny stress. And then the second half, we have like these like government agents come to the house and start kind of interrogating people. And it turns into this fucking crazy bloody thriller. We have guns in mouths and like we're stazers. Curbs stomping people. It's fucking, it's fucked up shit,
Starting point is 00:11:54 man. I'm a fucked up dude, I think. Yeah, this is, it sounds like it's all coming from your brain and it's, it's a little scary. It is.
Starting point is 00:12:01 It is. But I, you know, I like, I tell people like the two kinds of movies I like to see in theaters are comedies and, like, thrillers. Because I think those are the two emotions that kind of have the best collective experience.
Starting point is 00:12:13 And I think, like, you know, I've been all around the country, all over Texas and the South and the Bay Area, and people come up to me with a movie, they're like, I fucking felt something, I'm alive! Like, I was laughing, I was scared. So I think it is a, if you can make it to the theater,
Starting point is 00:12:27 go see this movie. I promise you, there's nothing else like it. Blockers, your character in Blockers resonated heavily with me. For better or worse. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:12:36 For better or worse, I remember being like, this guy, yeah, this is what I'm talking about. You guys see Blockers, go watch Blockers. Ike's character, listen to him.
Starting point is 00:12:43 I'm an annoying alcoholic too. Every time we have a guest in, Kevin, we had Duchovny and Kevin was like, I'm like, Hank Moody, I really rest in. And Duchovny was like, dude, not good. He's a sex addict who ruins people's lives. I hope no one ever comes in
Starting point is 00:13:00 playing Hitler. Hey, I gotta tell you, I don't know what it was about that guy, but that was me. I was watching me on screen. You were speaking to me, man. That Heil shit. Yeah, yeah, that's me. Third Reich. Blockers was a fun one. Blockers was one. Although, this morning I was talking to Howard and I was like,
Starting point is 00:13:16 I had so many friends, like good friends that came up to me like, hey, I finally saw Blockers on my flight. I'm like, fuck you. You saw it on your fucking flight? When I was trapped and had nothing else. Yeah, I'm glad I entertained you for 90 minutes on my flight. I'm like, fuck you. You saw it on your fucking flight? When I was trapped and had nothing else. Yeah, I'm glad I entertained you for 90 minutes on your flight to Dallas, you cheap fuck. Buy a ticket to my
Starting point is 00:13:31 goddamn movie. Good lord. Speaking of cheap, we were thinking, if there was the oath, this is real, how much to make you sign this oath? What's your number? Everybody's got a number. There's something. How much to sign, how much to make you sign this oath? What's your number? Everybody's got a number.
Starting point is 00:13:46 There's something. How much to sign the oath? Because in the movie, it's a tax credit, right? It's a tax credit and a healthcare waiver. Me, present day? Yep. You're rich, so. I'm rich adjacent.
Starting point is 00:14:00 I see the rich people. I know where they live. I smell their cologne. I can smell their cologne. I see the rich people I know where they live I smell their cologne I can smell their cologne I see their cars Million dollars Tax free Million
Starting point is 00:14:11 Okay That's an honest number What if you got just tax Like no more tax Ever? Yeah Where do I sign? Fucking put that shit down
Starting point is 00:14:20 What is loyalty? It's just a construct I sound like Kanye Loyalty's a construct! Fuck, yeah, I know. And I think that's kind of like, you know, in the movie, like, I think a lot of people because I'm personally, I'm like a liberal guy and on Twitter I like fucking
Starting point is 00:14:35 bitch about Trump and stuff. But in real life, or in this movie rather, we slay liberals. We like fucking destroy them because a lot of liberals I know are like, I think, they're a lot of talk. And I think it's kind of funny that this guy, the whole movie is like, oh, never sign. You sign. You're part of the problem.
Starting point is 00:14:56 And then when it's presented, he's like, I'll sign. I'll sign right now. You know what I mean? So I think that's kind of like why we got such a good reaction, especially in the red states, where people are like, I like how you made the liberal big pussy, man. That was good. I like that. That was funny, man.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Good stuff. Very good. It's good because I also think liberals are pussies. So good, good. Thank you for that. Even in the trailer, I think it's the brother's girlfriend. She's like,
Starting point is 00:15:21 that's the thing about you liberals. Every time you... And I was like, I think I've heard that exact phrase a billion times it's crazy man it's crazy yeah it's just people are just where everyone's at 10 now you know what i mean and there's not a lot of nuance anymore so uh you just have people kind of screaming talking points at each other and there's not a whole lot of listening and the takeaway of the movie really is let's try our best with our family we don't agree with even if they're like hardcore to movie really is let's try our best with our family we don't agree
Starting point is 00:15:45 with even if they're like hardcore to the right like let's try our best to keep these conversations going because i think i know a lot of people personally are like i'm just not going home this year i don't want to talk to my dad fuck him and i'm like that's bad man that when that happens we we internalize everything and we stay in these little tiny bubbles and if you read your history books when people are in little tiny bubbles, that's when, like, your buddy Hitler happens. Let's change this narrative, all right? Let's move on from the whole Adolf thing, all right?
Starting point is 00:16:16 Christ. I have a list here of other fictional leaders. I want to know if you would sign the oath. Got it. Okay. We'll start with West Wing, Jed Bartlett. I haven't seen a whole lot of the West Wing, but I know
Starting point is 00:16:30 Martin Sheen, I loved him in Apocalypse Now, so the answer is yes. Independence Day, President Whitmore. Yes. Right? Today. That's the fastest thing that's ever happened. But can I not sign the one from Independence Day 2? Oh, fuck that! Different one. No. It has to be the same one? Independence Day 2 is so fucking good. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm signing the one from Independence Day 2. Oh, fuck that. Different one. No. It has to be the same one? Independence Day 2 is so fucking good.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I haven't seen it yet, but I'm just. They said, let me tell you something. They take an African warlord, send him to space with machetes and no spacesuit. That's got to be the last resort. Not one scientist is like, hold on, hold on. Jeff Goldblum didn't say, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:17:04 You're going to send him into space? No, no, no, no suit? Oh, nope. He's the only one. Everyone else is a space suit. He's just got like a white beater and two machetes. Fucking amazing. That might be.
Starting point is 00:17:17 I don't know. I don't know if that's scientifically accurate. Yes. Whitmore, yes. Selina Meyer, veep. Fuck yes. Yes. The best fictional president of all time Frank Underwood, House of Cards
Starting point is 00:17:31 Fuck no For myriad reasons Harrison Ford as James Marshall in Air Force One Yes Sometimes these people, I'm like Can we just try him out as real president? Yeah, oh, Harrison Ford Oh, dude, first of we just try him out as real president? Yeah, oh, Harrison Ford Oh, dude, first of all, get him out of the plane
Starting point is 00:17:48 And we all get high all day Fucking sign me up, hello Last one, 24, David Palmer Not only would I sign it, I would buy insurance from him And so the answer is yes Very calm measurement And he knows Joe Boo Who? He's fucking Serrano from Major League Oh! So the answer is yes. Very calm measurement. And he knows Joe Boo.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Who? He's fucking Serrano from Major League. Oh! I didn't realize that. Big time. Curveball. Big time. So what do you think about your Bears?
Starting point is 00:18:16 Up your butt, Joe Boo. I'm still, no pun intended, bullish on them. Despite the fact that you got New England next week as well. Yeah, that sucks. I mean, listen, yesterday was shit. And I feel like they lose to the Dolphins whenever they play them, like, in an inordinate amount of times. I don't know what it is. That sucked.
Starting point is 00:18:34 But, listen, the North is a little weak. The defense is fucking dope. Like, they look really good. Minus the rocket ship, you know, you guys were. If it was any other quarterback besides the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL, I think we would have won that game. But Trubisky is the first quarterback we've had, and I'm not even exaggerating. I'm going to go ahead and say 18 years, maybe 25, maybe since like,
Starting point is 00:18:57 I don't even know who, what's his name? Who's the coach now? Harbaugh. I mean, I'm telling you, I feel calm when I see Trubisky, even when he was shitty his first season. I was still like there was a calm I had when he had the ball. I don't know what it is. I have officially given myself over to Sam Donald in the same way.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Have you really? My body is ready. Yeah, I'm ready for it. Like, I'm just, I mean, every week for the past however long, and a little blip on the radar with Fitzpatrick and McCown, every week I was like, we're not going to move the football. I just want to make it to, like, midfield. Like, just a little blip on the radio with Fitzpatrick and McCown. Every week, I was like, we're not going to move the football. I just want to make it to midfield. Just a couple first downs. And now, I'm not
Starting point is 00:19:30 saying we're going to win every game. I'm just happy that I will watch the offense move up the field. Every quarterback, including Jay Cutler, for years, when they would snap it, my asshole would pucker. Because I was like, here we go. For sure a pick six. For sure a pick sex.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Every time. Not even something bad. Something wildly embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. And Mitch, for some reason, I don't know why. I just have faith in that guy. And I love watching him play.
Starting point is 00:19:53 And I think he's going to be around for a while. Yeah. It's a weird thing, though, when you just turn your well-being over to this kid. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, Mitch, nice to meet you. Mitch. You're going to control my life for the next 12 to 15 years.
Starting point is 00:20:03 You're in charge of my happiness every Sunday for the next 15 years. My kid's over there. She's stacking shit. I'm going to be mean to her if you don't win. I'm going to be in a bad mood. Do you know what's at stake, bro? But I still feel good. And I'm sure it'll come down to some awful late-season game.
Starting point is 00:20:19 And Aaron Rodgers will be taken out by Khalil Mack in the fucking first quarter. And he'll come back and throw four touchdowns in the last quarter. And we'll lose. And I'll be fine with it. Because I'm a Bears fan. That's what we do, dog. It's life. It's life.
Starting point is 00:20:28 You're a stronger guy because of it. Fuck yes. Keep making funny movies, dude. Brother. The Oath is out now in New York and LA. It's out everywhere on Friday. Yeah. So go check it out.
Starting point is 00:20:38 Tiffany Haddish, by the way. That's a nice little one to just jump on. I mean, the last thing we mentioned was Tiffany Haddish. Yeah. All right. I'll see that shit. Thank you guys so much for having me. Ike Barinholtz brought to you by SeatGeek.
Starting point is 00:20:49 You want to go see Mitch and the Bears? You want to go see Donald and the Jets? Or, you know, I guess you could go see Brady and the Patriots if you want. Yeah, get that Super Bowl ticket. It's unfortunate. That's true, probably. Go to SeatGeek. All of those tickets available.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Big, small, expensive, inexpensive, concerts, music, comedy, sports, all of it. SeatGeek is the best place to buy and sell tickets on the secondary market. You get the best value, and you get a guarantee that all the tickets are real. You're not going to get scammed. You're not going to buy any fraudulent tickets. SeatGeek will save you time, it will save you money, and it will save you any embarrassment of ever buying any fake tickets. Download the free SeatGeek app. Go to settings, add a promo code, enter KFC, and you'll get $10 off your first purchase. They are fully transparent with all the prices
Starting point is 00:21:32 available for every ticket on the secondary market. So you know if the person selling is just trying to unload them at a cheap price, if they're trying to gouge the price up and run you for your money. So everything will be fully transparent. You'll know you're going to get the exact ticket at the exact price that you want. Download the free app. SeatGeek. Promo code KFC. $10 off today.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Good interview with Ike. He's a man. I like him a lot. Yeah, very funny guy. But I don't know if he's good at faking being really nice or he's just really nice. It's so fucked up that that's my first thought. It's like maybe they're just lying about being a nice person. Well it's not fucked up it's pretty much that's the way to go
Starting point is 00:22:08 like that's if we're being realistic here that's probably the majority of people like he's like he's like happy yeah he kept being like really great to be here yeah is it though like i don't know about that he was he didn't say anything mean about the studio he said the studio felt old like the old time he won new York Post. That's nice. That's the best that we're going to get. I don't know if that's a compliment, but we're going to take it as one. You're in a good mood, though. Buddy.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I mean, I'll be honest. I don't even know if I like it. What is going on here? I can see it being very annoying. Let's dial it back like nine or ten notches. I have depression out of politeness. It's so jarring with you because it's usually like you're a suicidal Eeyore, and right now you're fucking like Tigger.
Starting point is 00:22:54 You're bouncing off the walls and shit. Went from one Winnie the Pooh character to another. Christopher Robin callback. How fantastic is that? Yeah, man. I've diagnosed myself, actually. I have reverse seasonal affective disorder. I feel that.
Starting point is 00:23:09 I think you're on to something. I don't get sad in the winter. I get fucking happy. I get depressed in the summer when I go do shit. Well, it works double for you because it's a little bit cold. People aren't expecting you to go out. Sitting at home under your 40 pounds of blankets is socially acceptable. And also you can get those fits off boy yeah yeah so you get to dress how you want to dress when you do go out and you don't have to go out very often that's a double whammy
Starting point is 00:23:32 for john henry i was walking into fenway the other day and yeah granted the alcs is probably a nice part too but i was walking in and i caught a breeze and like i i hit like it was a crack pipe like cold air i was like dude especially after what we were talking about where it was like fall but it was still 80 degrees so we were dressing like fall and I was just sweating my dick off and now I'm like it's finally cool again I love it it changes my entire day when I'm not sweating or I'm not like sticky or it's uncomfortable it's like oh my oh my god I can enjoy life yeah life is pleasant I think part of it is reverse seasonal reverse sad
Starting point is 00:24:08 that is like so poetic in so many ways I think part of it too is there's a lot just happening at the same time right now we got the ALCS, Pats are back it's cold again, I'm dressing nice I think also like you said you don't have to go out and whatnot. It's kind of like the Joker in Dark Knight.
Starting point is 00:24:30 It's kind of like me. Where he just wants to prove to everybody that they're not a good person. I want to prove to everybody that you're not that happy. So when everyone else is getting their regular sad, I'm happy. I'm like, I knew you were all like me you are the sick pup this is maniacal you are maniacal right now i don't like you happy let's get you depressed oh you have seasonal affective disorder you don't like going out and you fucking
Starting point is 00:25:01 like that's me every day bitch somebody call john fat and bring him down to several notches i need him i need him even killed this is crazy man talk i do i do really feel seasonal of reverse sad though because if you like if you like hot weather over cold weather at this point i fucking hate you you. He's such a stupid bitch. Like, where people are like, oh, let's go to the beach, or like, let's go to a rooftop bar, all that shit. Like, no. No. No.
Starting point is 00:25:29 The beach stinks. Stinks. Rooftop bars, not fun. Crowded, expensive, slow. Like, no. Let me go to like a dark- Closer to the sun. Let me go-
Starting point is 00:25:38 It's hotter on a rooftop bar. Let me go to a dark restaurant that's like cold and cozy and good. I'm going to go to one right after this. I'm so jacked up. I'm going to get an old-fashioned ride. Yeah, I was going to say, let me drink some whiskey in the dark. Now I'm happy. This weather feels like drinking to me.
Starting point is 00:25:55 When I walk outside, I'm like, it's time to drink. Yeah, most people, it's like sunny and 80, and they're like, oh, let's get a Corona. And I'm like, oh, let's fucking, I want like a Magnum bottle of red wine in the cold. There it is! It's great. When I can walk somewhere and not sweat,
Starting point is 00:26:14 it's perfect. It's heaven. I got a hood up all the time. It's an excuse to be even more hidden. It's fantastic. In the summer, you're not looking so fat. I got this fucking t-shirt I just took a picture with. I had to suck it so hard.
Starting point is 00:26:28 When I'm outside, I got at least three jackets on. I have multiple jackets wearing. Let's get into voicemails. We're doing them with Johnny Bananas today. That idiot came through. And if there's ever been someone who's stupid enough
Starting point is 00:26:43 to just sit down and answer dumb questions with us, it's Bananas. He was right in there. I don't know if we said it on air or afterwards. You were like, I don't know if you've ever thought about doing this, but you're pretty good at it. You were a little too natural about talking about stripper poles and fucking your girl in front of your mom and stuff like that. So Bananas fit right in with the gang. Voicemails today with Johnny are brought to you by Quip.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Fights, what's the most important thing of your appearance? Smile. Every time. He's always said it. The smile makes the man, and brushing your teeth makes the teeth. So Quip makes the man. Ipso facto. Quip is a better electric toothbrush created by dentists and designers,
Starting point is 00:27:20 and it's designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable, and even enjoyable. I'm rocking out with the Quip right now, and I like it because it's designed to make brushing your teeth more simple affordable and even enjoyable i'm rocking out with the quip right now and i like it because uh it's like i feel like when you have an electric toothbrush like that's yours like i feel like you know people are more inclined to like like if you came over my house right i gotta say something super weird after this go ahead if you came over my house and you didn't have a toothbrush you know you just grab one right the answer for me is yes but I think everyone else is like what the fuck listen if you if you go if you
Starting point is 00:27:53 if your choice is to go without brushing your teeth and just quickly grabbing someone's for 60 seconds you're an asshole but I feel like you wouldn't do that with my electric toothbrush no you're right so I feel like quip is like your toothbrush my electric toothbrush. No, you're right. You know? So I feel like Quip is like your toothbrush.
Starting point is 00:28:07 You're not going to have your creepy guest using it. How about that for a sale point? That is 100% just because you'd get caught. Because people would hear. Yeah, well, hi. What did he bring? His own electric toothbrush. Sure.
Starting point is 00:28:15 You think that the vibrating pulses is to get rid of plaque? No, it's an alarm for when your grimy friends are using your toothbrush. That was a line towards the later seasons of The Office when Andy drives down to Florida to get Erin, and she comes running out, and she's like, he goes, she doesn't have any bags. And he's like, you don't have anything? She's like, no.
Starting point is 00:28:35 And he goes, not even a toothbrush? You don't own a toothbrush? She goes, there's always one. There's always one sitting there. So I got the quip, my smile has never looked brighter and flashier than right now. Sensitive sonic vibrations. It does look really good. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:50 It's a quip, bro. It's a quip difference. It's got a two, because this is why. It's got a two-minute timer. I would never brush my teeth for a full two minutes unless I had a timer. Oh, I still sing happy birthday. Yeah, is that like the... I sing happy birthday twice.
Starting point is 00:29:03 I was going to say, happy birthday is pretty quick. I'd rather just push the button on the timer. And the brush heads get automatically delivered to you. That's another thing. I haven't heard of it. I wouldn't change my regular stick toothbrush for like years. It's supposed to change every three months. Three months?
Starting point is 00:29:16 Yeah. Yeah, okay. So they get delivered right to you, so you just pop them right on. So go to getquip.com slash KFC, and you'll get your first refill pack of brushes for free. Quip starts at just $25. Get yourself that $25 brush. Getquip.com slash KFC. G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash KFC for your free refill.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Voicemails. All right, back in studio, the one and only Johnny Bananas. You saw him last time on Watchlist. We were talking television. We were talking reality TV. The show on NBC First Look. Today, he's on KFC Radio. Today, he's going to be talking to the people. He's going to be giving advice.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Life advice from Johnny Bananas. That's what I do. The people need to know how to survive. I am a cornucopia of useless information. Whatever your problems are, people, call in. That is exactly what we need.
Starting point is 00:30:07 We're just eating fucking veggie straws and giving good advice today. Well, you know, you're a healthy guy. You're always in shape. I try to tell that to my liver, man, after I did to myself last night. It's a rough one. Thanks for coming, guys. I really appreciate the support, you know? Well, it's, you know.
Starting point is 00:30:21 You guys are busy. I get it. I get it. You guys got a lot of shit going on, you know? How is it going? I mean, the first look life is, you know. You guys are busy. I get it. I get it. You guys got a lot of shit going on, you know? How is it going? I mean, the first look life is, you know. It's been an absolute whirlwind, my friend. The challenge obviously occupied a huge portion of my time.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Not just when we're filming, but off the show obviously too. Because then when we're not, you know, on location, you know, MTV had me doing whatever, running around Times Square, specials for Mountain Dew, all this other stuff. And then, you know, in between that, you know, appearances, travel and that sort of thing. And now essentially all the free time that I had in between shooting the challenge has now completely been, you know, taken up by first look.
Starting point is 00:31:00 You got two jobs, bro. I got a real job. I mean, last time we talked to you, you'd been to like 10 countries in three months. Yeah. I mean, it's been jobs, bro. I got a real job. I mean, last time we talked to you, you'd been to like 10 countries in three months. Yeah. I mean, it's been wild, dude. Like just looking back, what's cool now is I'm actually starting to see it all like come to fruition because we've been filming now for four months for First Look. And, you know, we're doing all this crazy outlandish shit shooting for, you know, sometimes 10, 12, 13 hours a day just grinding it out and now it's awesome to see everything that we
Starting point is 00:31:26 did and all the hard work and come to the screen and I'm seeing myself in a you know in a light that I've never seen myself before I'm used to seeing myself on reality TV I mean the last decade I've seen myself you know arguing with people competing
Starting point is 00:31:41 interviews that sort of thing but now seeing myself like having to be the interviewer and be in this different space. Now you're in a three-piece suit. Yeah. You're shaking hands. Is that really weird for you? Growing up, man. It's really weird.
Starting point is 00:31:52 It really is. We've kind of had to do that a little bit where it's like they want us to do promo shoots and stuff like that. We did headshots the other day. And we were like, fuck it. Yeah. It looks like I act like an asshole, and that's what I do well. Good.
Starting point is 00:32:05 You should. Acting like trying to to be like I'm a professional now is fucking weird for me so for me reality TV is just a different animal right I think we talked about this last time the challenge is all about dominating conversations
Starting point is 00:32:22 the challenge is all about using whatever bit of camera time you're going to get all about dominating conversations the the challenge is all about using whatever whatever bit of camera time you're going to get and you're going to use it to the best that you can and they're all about like quick witty sound bites and interviews they want everything concise and they want it to be witty and they want everything to be a joke so it's like you're kind of always on you would feel like you always have to be on and i kind of of took that over to first look because that's all I really knew. It was like every interview I did, I felt like everything had to be a punchline. Every question I asked, I had to find some way to come back and some way to be witty.
Starting point is 00:32:54 And I found myself not really listening to what they were saying. I was just kind of like – Thinking of your own response. Exactly. I'm just waiting to interject again. And it's not about that. It's literally about you not being – the spotlight not being on you. It's about shining the spotlight on whoever you're interviewing in that episode.
Starting point is 00:33:12 It's tough after 30 seasons of the challenge. Like, give me the spotlight. Give me the spotlight. That's fucking exhausting, though, the other way. Having to always be on that. It's both at the very time. Listening to someone. Listening to someone is fucking exhausting.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Shut the fuck up. But also, like, just having your brain work all the time. I gotta have my exercise ready. It's fucking brutal. And in a weird way, it's like, I mean, sitting in a room full of dudes, it's like learning how to, like, you know, like, be, like,
Starting point is 00:33:37 not vulnerable, but okay to, like, open up and, like, not have your guard up all the time. The challenge, your guard's up 24-7. I can't even imagine that. Because the second you let your guard down, you like not have this have your guard up all the time the challenge your guard's up 24 7 i can't even imagine because the second you let your guard down you let your guard down here yeah uh you're out of your fucking mind that's true that's true i i just feel like more like you can't the thing is they live there so like i wouldn't even go to sleep if i was on the challenge yeah i would be i would just be up 24 hours a day in the corner just like you know with
Starting point is 00:34:03 the guns in my hand. Sleep with a knife under your pillow. Yeah. But since this, since, since first look is, it's more like we do like a lot of like profiles on like people and their businesses and it's, it's, you know, and there's like a lot more of like a human element, you know, related to it when I'm not doing dumb shit, like dressing up like a drag queen or running around, you know, sumo wrestling, 600 pound fat guys. It's like, we're doing these pieces on like, on like people. And especially on the travel episodes.
Starting point is 00:34:28 And it's like, they want you to like, get to like, use your heart to like get to like the root of these people. What is that? What does that mean? Well, I mean, dude, to like actually, like to, to get to like, you know, whatever these people's family story is. And like, it's more of like a feel good piece in a way. And for me to be on camera going from the only thing I'm used to doing is just tearing
Starting point is 00:34:50 people down. Mentally assassinating. Exactly. And manipulate the shit out of people. Now it's like, I actually have to talk to this person and, and, you know, open up and like, you know, kind of care about their story. So it's really taken, it's not necessarily difficult for me to do. It's just difficult for me to let my guard down when the cameras are on.
Starting point is 00:35:05 And they've had to tell me. They're like, dude, we're not in the business of – because that's another thing you've got to be worried about on the challenge is how you're edited. Because they can take anything you say and anything they do and twist it to make you look a certain way. That's what we're going to do here today. Thank you. We're going to take all this out. You're going to make me sound like a complete idiot. I'm okay with it.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Yes. Do your worst. Let's get to the people. They're going to open up, and we'll see what soft bananas with a heart can tell them. He's all mushy inside. What's up, guys? Forgive me. My voice is completely gone because I am sick.
Starting point is 00:35:36 But anyway, this past weekend, I went on vacation with my boyfriend and his family, and we stayed in this Airbnb. And when we got to the airbnb there was a stripper pole in the living room yes and then we went upstairs to my boyfriend i went upstairs to our room and there was a stripper in the mirror on the ceiling and then like a bathtub in the middle of the room like not closed off by anything or anything like that. And it was not advertised in the Airbnb pictures. And we had to stay in this weird ass place with his family, like his sisters and his mom.
Starting point is 00:36:11 So I just want to know like who the fuck rents out this like kinky ass place that they have. Bananas. I didn't know you were renting out your spot bananas. I was going to say, I'm actually really offended. I'm actually really offended by the way this girl's talking about my spot. I mean, she says
Starting point is 00:36:27 weird. I say amazing. Yeah, that sounds pretty fucking fun. Well, I can see the awkwardness of being with the family, but that's something that, I feel like that's something you kind of have to just expect with Airbnb. Airbnb life is weird. We went to, when I was very young, we went to
Starting point is 00:36:43 a ski trip, and the house we rented had bongs everywhere. And they were just decoration. And I was just old enough to know what they were, and my parents knew I was just old enough. And I kept being an asshole. They were like, Mom, what's this? It's a potted plant or whatever. People are weird. When you go into other people's houses
Starting point is 00:37:05 You're gonna see some weird shit I don't think, this is my thing I think what made this weird was the parents I think if you and your girlfriend Or whoever, if you're dating some chick You get an Airbnb and you go up and there's a mirror On the ceiling of the bedroom You're like dude this is awesome
Starting point is 00:37:20 It's almost like when you're watching The Wolf of Wall Street with your mom And it's like you're sitting there and it's like, you're sitting there and it's like the most awkward experience ever but if you're watching it with your girlfriend or your buddies it's not as bad. I actually, you know what? I don't think so. I still can't do it.
Starting point is 00:37:36 I don't think, no, no, no, no, no, no. I agree with that, with like watching movies and stuff like that. But I mean, a stripper pole isn't really inherently a weird thing. Yes, if you took all your clothes off and shit, but you can just have fun with a family on that. Like, people like, you could do, I could see like being like, hop on a pole.
Starting point is 00:37:54 I could see like getting drunk with my family in the living room and just like swinging around on it. Like, that's fucking funny. Like the monkey bars. Yeah, you can have a good time with that. I would just. And just leave your fucking clothes on, but you can have fun. I would feel so weird going with my girlfriend because it's like, obviously, the dad knows
Starting point is 00:38:08 what's going on. Right. All right. You and my daughter, you're sleeping with my daughter. I'm a guy. The way she phrased it, like we went to our room. So they're cool. Just like, all right, we're on a trip.
Starting point is 00:38:16 You're going to smash whatever. As if it's not weird enough that you're there with the parents. They probably know what's going on. You got to be quiet. It's like, shut the door, put a towel under it so they can't hear. Be quiet. Put the turn the faucet on. Imagine got to be quiet. It's like, shut the door. Put a towel under it so they can't hear. Be quiet. Turn the faucet on.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Imagine them walking by. Are you guys ready for breakfast? They look up and there's like fucking mirrors on the wall. As soon as you hear the fucking jacuzzi bubbles going from the hot tub in the middle of the room. That would be an awkward experience. I get it. I mean. That's the kind of house I'm trying to fuck with. I mean, you can't get in.
Starting point is 00:38:41 That jacuzzi can't get used anyway. I'm not getting in someone else's fucking bathtub. What are you, sick? I'm not a germaphobe enough't get in that. That jacuzzi can't get used anyway. I'm not getting in someone else's fucking bathtub. What are you, sick? I'm not a germaphobe enough to worry about that. I mean, that's not germaphobia to be fucking not getting in someone else's bathtub. Like, I'll let it run a couple. Like, you put, like, 110 degree water in there, let it bubble up, it's clean. Throw some Clorox in there.
Starting point is 00:38:56 False. You know? False. Not clean. There's nothing that hot water can't fix. That's super wrong. Like, boiling water, sure. Like, hot water is where it festers. Some chlorine and
Starting point is 00:39:08 shit, man. Yeah. Just pee in it. It's a hot tub. Listen, go in the hot tub, pee in it. It's like a jacuzzi bath. This is not a hot tub. It's a jacuzzi bathtub. You don't know what it is. It's in the middle of a goddamn fuck room. She said jacuzzi bathtub. It's in the middle of a fuck house. You don't know what it is. Listen, can we write this girl back? I want to know the address
Starting point is 00:39:23 of this place. That's where I want to go. Let me know. I'm going. I can give you her number. We have the number. Do you want to text her, Johnny? We can make it really awkward. That's what you guys should do.
Starting point is 00:39:32 You should be like, listen, we're going to give away a trip for a couple and their parents. It's an amazing destination. And send them to this place. Just fuck with them. What's up, KFC and Fights? Matt from Scottsdale here so i just got the presidential notification today testing the new fema automated system and it got me thinking if you had the power to send a text message to everybody in the country what would you send love to hear your thoughts oh my
Starting point is 00:40:00 god that's a fucking diesel question is. That's a diesel question right there. Wow. That's going to take some thought. So everybody got that presidential or whatever. I don't think I did. You definitely got it. Did I? I mean, if not, you should probably look into that.
Starting point is 00:40:13 You know what? I don't remember this. You're just totally off the grid. I saw it going viral, and I was like, I don't think I got that. You know what I'd say? I'd say, listen, in order to cut down the deficit, I need every single person to Venmo a dollar to this account. Deficit will be wiped out.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Not a bad move. Or like a GoFundMe or something like that. And I'd start my own GoFundMe page, and I'd make like $250 million in five minutes. Dude, even if you get a small percentage of people who get duped, you're going to get banked. Yeah, you have those kids at a college game day who hold up their signs, like, I'm a college kid
Starting point is 00:40:45 who needs to pee or here's my Venmo and they get like a lot of money. I've always said that. Like, okay, if you were like, imagine if you were like
Starting point is 00:40:50 the CEO or like the, you know, the top of like a Chase or like a Wells Fargo or something like that. If you just took 10 cents out of every single bank account
Starting point is 00:40:57 that you guys own, you would be a billionaire overnight. Office space, Superman 4. Would you ever notice? No. Would you notice 10 cents
Starting point is 00:41:03 being missing? I think you could take like $10 these days. Like, fuck it. No, I'm way more. And they'd never notice. No. Would you notice 10 cents being missing from your account? I think you could take like $10 these days. Yeah. Fuck it. No, I'm way more. You could take like $1,000. You could take a lot of money
Starting point is 00:41:10 from me. I have no idea. I don't ever know how much money I have in my bank account. I don't either. So it's always stressful. But you're probably rich.
Starting point is 00:41:18 There's a difference. So I'm always like, every time I use my card, I'm just like, oh, this works. I have no idea how much money I have. You'll look at your bank statement every once in a while, and you'll be like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:41:27 And you get so angry. But you're like, I've looked at my bank statement for the last year, and this probably has been happening every day. I lived above a bar when I was in Manhattan, and one time I looked at my year-end statement at the bar that we used to go to, and I was like, I'm never doing this again. Ever. But if you've ever added up your Ubers, you've added up your restaurants your takeout like you see especially living in New York disgusting especially here because no one eats at home everyone eats out and you go out and it's like yeah drinks and a burger 100 bucks I mean that sounds right yeah right honestly you can make up whatever price you want and I'd be like okay
Starting point is 00:42:00 dude I think we um what did I say? I was like, I said we got after work drinks or something like that. I was telling a story on radio, I think. And it was like $200 total. And people were like, Jesus Christ. It was literally seven drinks. It wasn't all me. It was two rounds for me and Keith
Starting point is 00:42:19 and I think Nate stopped by for a drink. I paid for it. It was like $240. And it wasn't even like, oh, shit. It was just like, yeah. Yeah, that's what it cost. It's God forsaken city. So if you guys had it, what would you guys do? I mean, your approach is probably the right one.
Starting point is 00:42:32 You have 350 million people to go after. So what do you want to get that many people to do? You know what you do? You change the response. Like, if you had an ex that you really hated, you would change the response number to hers. I was going to say. I want everyone to text back something really disgusting. had an ex that you really hated you would change the response number to hers i was gonna say i want everyone to text back something really not an ex i would just give out your number and just watch you burn like he he you like i'd write i'd have a susan kevin's fault yeah he doesn't like anybody texting him let alone that's my thing million that was gonna be my first question
Starting point is 00:42:59 you get charged for all of them yeah my first question was gonna be do they can they reply to because if that's the case, I'd pass. I'm out. I don't want this power. I don't think I'd do that for any amount of money. I don't think I would give that. I get like three texts in a row and I get a heart attack. I think if I couldn't respond, I would say, don't be an asshole today.
Starting point is 00:43:19 That should be the new presidential mantra. Every single day. Make America great again. Don't be an asshole today. Don't be an asshole today. You be an asshole. Just use it. You know when you come back from the bars and it's like you struck out all night long and you're just like,
Starting point is 00:43:28 damn, I'm going to start texting people? Just text you up. All right? Question mark. Amass you up. Imagine the amount of responses you get.
Starting point is 00:43:36 If you could just shrink it down a little bit. If you could text your entire neighborhood, come by. Or just play the numbers. Or just girls in college. That's what you'd do. Yeah, I guess. Or just girls in college.
Starting point is 00:43:48 A geographic location where you can connect with people you don't know. Does that exist yet? I want all the numbers on Rutgers campus, but only in the sorority houses. Without STDs. The Cleveland. I don't know. You text two people.
Starting point is 00:44:12 What's up, KFC, Fights, SVBC? So, listen to your episode last week and talking about the sex dolls. And my buddies and I started looking at these websites and all the sex dolls had bios, like, with their name and profession and personality. and profession and personality and all that kind of stuff. So my question to you is, what would be your ideal bio for a sex doll? Well, let's start off. Bananas, would you fuck a sex doll? First look here on NBC, we'll be breaking down sex dolls today. I can honestly say I've done a lot of wacky shit in my life. Having sex with a doll is, or having sex with someone that wasn't alive is not one of them.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Would you? Dude, I don't think so, man. I just fuck too many real girls. No, I mean, if you think about it, it's like, dude, just wait till the next day. I mean, when would you do it? I mean, how does this even come about? Well, so, I mean, you order it in the mail In Italy, they have, like,
Starting point is 00:45:04 whorehouses, right, with dolls. And apparently now you can buy them online and they have, like, whorehouses, right, with dolls. And apparently now you can buy them online and they have, like, this is Rebecca and she works in HR and she graduated with a fucking degree. I mean, that shit is, like, I can see that working because. If you're going to fuck a doll, if you're the type who's like, I got to go buy a fuck doll, you're the type who's like, I'm going to, like, marry my fuck doll. There was some study recently about dolls and robots where if you say don't kill me, if you can have the robot program to do that, people like
Starting point is 00:45:34 80% more likely to not do it. To kill it. Only 20% of people hit the off switch. Please don't hit the off switch. And people are like, ah, fuck it, never mind. So if you add a human element to it, it becomes a much more real, erotic, perhaps, thing. But what if one's like Jessica? She works at McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Well, that might be the guy who's like, I want to... See, even just thinking of that, I'm like, gross. I wouldn't fucking go work at McDonald's. But you know how they're guys who are... I got higher standards. My sex doll's got to be an accomplished woman. My fuckholes have to have at least a salary, no hourly wage. Power suit, girl.
Starting point is 00:46:09 That's what I need. There was a show that used to be on called Taboo. I don't know if you guys ever saw it. It was on like History or Discovery or something like that. It's about like weird shit people do. And there was a whole episode on weird lifestyles. And this dude was married to a sex doll. And obviously this dude is exactly what you think a guy married to.
Starting point is 00:46:24 He had purple hair. And he would have to hang his sex doll from the ceiling, and she'd be sitting there. And he's like, yeah, you know, when we first met, it was all about sex. It was all about sex, but now it's like we've connected on a different level. I'm like, how do you connect with a sex doll? Now, okay, here's the thing. I mean, people connect with blankets, right?
Starting point is 00:46:41 I guess so. Yeah, but here's the thing. You fall in love with your blankie as a child. Yeah, but you don't cum in your blankie. Maybe. I don't know. I've never fallen in love with anything. You have a different relationship with your blankie than I would mine. The moment that you are fucking scrubbing the...
Starting point is 00:46:54 You're cumming out of the inside of a doll, you're not connected anymore, okay? I'm just going to say it. That is something I've never been into. However, you remember the movie The Matrix? Yeah. Remember? They're in The Matrix, and the guy's like, literally like,
Starting point is 00:47:05 I could set you up on a date with like, you could like, create like whatever. That would be pretty badass. It's create a player. It's create a player. I'd never leave my house.
Starting point is 00:47:14 If I was in The Matrix, I could like, just put myself in this other world and just, you know, it's like, why would you live
Starting point is 00:47:18 your normal shitty life when you could live this awesome made up life? What would your girl's bio say? It's right around the corner. Um, Evelyn was the first thing that just popped into my mind. Evelyn!
Starting point is 00:47:27 Evelyn! I don't know why. That immediately popped in. Evelyn would be 27. And where would she work? I'm trying to think about it right now. 27-year-old Evelyn, who is a... Fuck, I was going to say agent, but now I don't think...
Starting point is 00:47:46 Agent? Wait, an agent? Too powerful. Agent. She might be an agent, too. Evelyn the agent. A blonde agent. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:53 And... Evelyn the Blasian. She works at an agency of some sort. No, that was going to be the first thing, but I went with the gut on Evelyn. I'm not going with the gut. Make it realistic, and it's, you know, like marketing and PR. Hooters. Hooters. Evelyn works at Hooters. She's a stripper. A it realistic and it's like marketing and PR. A PR girl works.
Starting point is 00:48:08 A PR girl could work. The same reason I didn't want to have an agent. A lot of talking. A lot of talking. But she's a doll! I'd see that but Evelyn's not going to shut the fuck up. You don't want a sex doll that doesn't shut up. I'm waiting for John though though, to be like,
Starting point is 00:48:26 her parents have died in a car crash. My sex doll would be Eileen. Eileen? She'd work at IHOP, and she'd be a one-legged kickboxer. All right, one more voicemail. It's brought to you by Common Bond. If you are strapped with student loans, you will do absolutely anything to get rid of them, to get a better rate, to get some cash, and Common Bond knows that.
Starting point is 00:48:51 So right now they are offering a $300 cash bonus when you refinance your student loan. And let me tell you something. Don't take that $300 and, like, pay off more of your loan with it. That's special. That's treat yourself. Take that $300, Go buy yourself some new fall fits like we talk about or go hunker down in a bar and drink and eat and take
Starting point is 00:49:09 a girl out on a date. Do something good with the $300 because just pumping it back into the student loans, that ain't what it's about. This is a bonus for you. You're not going to need to put it into the student loans because you're going to get refinanced rates that are going to help you pay that. You don't need the $300 to pay for that. Treat it as a bonus. $300 is a lot of money. Yeah, that's a nice chunk of cash.
Starting point is 00:49:26 I said earlier. Especially if you're just out of school with student loans, like $300 means a lot. I do Black Buffalo. I said I'd die for the right price. It's $300. $300 is the one. $300 is done. Common Bond will take your current income, your current payment history, your education,
Starting point is 00:49:42 all that. Not who you were when you were 17 or 18 years old. Why would you base any of your education, all that. Not who you were when you were 17 or 18 years old. Why would you base any of your financials based on 10, 20 years ago? Not 20. I mean, that's 10 years ago. Save a bunch of money. Pay off your loans faster with Common Bond. Go to commonbond.com slash KFC, and you'll get that $300 bonus,
Starting point is 00:50:07 and your refinance loan will help your life get exponentially better. Last one. What do we got? Hey, BC. Hi, BC. I need a little advice on how to approach this guy and ask if he wants to be friends with benefits. We've actually been on a couple of dates, but I don't really want to date him. I just kind of want him to be the guy I can call up and be like,
Starting point is 00:50:31 hey, you free to fuck tonight? Wow. Also, in like a Friends With Benefits, do you need to lay out any ground rules? Anything? Any advice? Thanks, guys. All right. I really, talking about bios, this girl's definitely part unicorn.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Yeah, I don't know if you have to really, like, you know, measure your words here. I think you can probably let that rip. First of all, this isn't a discussion that needs to take place, okay? All you do, like, this girl's thinking way too hard into this. Maybe this is saying something about the guy. Maybe the guy's, like, kind of an emo type of a dude. Because all she has to do all she has to do is
Starting point is 00:51:10 show up, sleep with this guy, and then leave and do that on a regular basis. She just sends that text. Are you up to fuck? Are you up? What are you doing? Here's how it works for me. If you explicitly say you don't want to date me. I gotta date the fuck out of you.
Starting point is 00:51:26 So there are rules. We can just keep having sex as long as it's never brought up. But if you're like, we're never going to date, we're just going to be having sex. I'm going to be like, okay, we're going to start dating. I'm going to start laying it on thick now. To go back to your mass text, that's why the you up text exists. Everyone knows what that means without saying, I just want to fuck you. You want to hang tonight.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Yeah, done. It means the same thing. And then, yeah, you leave or he leaves. You either kick him out pretty quickly or you leave pretty quickly. You don't do breakfast or whatever. And it's pretty clear this is just that. I'd like to ask a follow-up question because I want to see what this guy's all about. Because if she has to have this conversation with him, then obviously it seems like this guy wants more than just...
Starting point is 00:52:01 It's probably not the right choice. No. Then you've got to burn it, yeah. It's not a conversation you need to have. When have you ever had to have a conversation with a girl where it's like, I just want to fuck? Right. No strings attached.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Eventually it will be brought up, probably, and that's when it will end. But you just keep riding it until... I think if you bring it up to her, I think that's just how human brain works. Jesus, mine isn't working right now. Human brain? The human brain works where it's like you want something like this.
Starting point is 00:52:27 And when you're told you can't have it. That never even crossed my mind. Dating you. We're just having sex. But now that you're telling me we can't date. I need to date. That's why you would turn the robot off. Please don't turn me off.
Starting point is 00:52:36 All right, Bananas. We appreciate you coming through. So the challenge final reckoning goes until December 4th. And of course, you got the new gig, NBC's First Look. That's on Saturday nights after SNL. Yeah, we got the sex doll episode coming up. You guys said, have you
Starting point is 00:52:54 ever done it? Well, you might. There's a lot of firsts coming out on First Look, so boys, stay tuned. Thank you, brother. Thank you to Bananas. That moron. He is He is a little
Starting point is 00:53:07 A little too close for comfort I know I told you We almost should just Like hire him And give him a podcast To keep him You know when you sign someone So that your rival
Starting point is 00:53:15 In the division doesn't sign him He's gonna have a podcast He ain't gonna be talking About shit like this soon So let's just Fucking sign him And stash him Or kill him
Starting point is 00:53:23 Like you said about Brock Osweiler. Right. We're going to hire Johnny Bananas, lure him in here, and then we'll kill him. You can technically do that to people. The only problem is that he is, I mean, that's allowed. Yeah. It's called business. Under contract, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:34 The problem is he is like, that's his game. You can't, you just let that one sit. Yeah. But we got to address that real quick. That's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Whoops. Bananas is like everywhere he's gone for the past 20 years.
Starting point is 00:53:53 All of his peers and coworkers and co-stars have been trying to kill him. Yeah, yeah. So we'd be like, all right, booby trap, and he'd be like, kill us. We'd be dead, and then he would really take over the market. So thank you to Bananas. We're going to get into a new segment. I think you're going to really like this one. Oh, yeah?
Starting point is 00:54:11 Every episode, we are going to finish out with a KFC Radio song choice. Okay. It can be from one of your stupid musicals. Nice. It can be the new shit that we found that we're going to put you onto it. Or if it's nothing new out recently, we'll do a throwback or a topical, whatever it is. I've always wanted to incorporate more music into the show. We're going to start up a Spotify list the whole night.
Starting point is 00:54:31 We're getting into the music game. Very nice. So this is a little KFC Radio music brought to you by Liquid IV. I feel like everyone up in Boston, everyone went to all these different spots at Barstool. You were up in Boston. Dave and them went to Ann Arbor. The girls were down at Ainsworth.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Everybody was drinking this weekend. Afterwards, I saw everybody drinking liquid IV. I had three liquid IVs today. Exactly. One liquid IV is worth three to four bottles of water. You're at nine to 12 bottles of water right now. Very nice. It helps aid in recovery after a night out or your fast-paced lifestyle
Starting point is 00:55:04 or you're stuck at work, you're stuck at school, you got kids to raise, whatever it may be. It is the party recovery drink. If you're traveling, you're jet-lagged, you need to hydrate. It's winter. People aren't drinking. You know, you're not hydrating as much. This is the solution to all your problems, and it's just going to make you healthier overall. And when you drink food, when you drink water, you look better.
Starting point is 00:55:26 I always feel good. Yeah. I think you need to drink a little more. I think you need some more Liquid IV in your life. Go to liquid-iv.com. Use the promo code KFC at checkout. You get 20% off anything you order on Liquid IV's website. It's liquid-iv.com.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Promo code KFC. I didn't know this was today. I'm excited. A little Star is Born action. This is Bradley and Gaga I'm assuming, right? Yeah. Let's see about this.
Starting point is 00:55:54 I'm seeing a lot of backlash. I'm seeing a lot of people say they don't like Star is Born. Listen, if you can listen to this and you don't like the movie, right here. Or do you need more? Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?
Starting point is 00:56:14 It's a great line. I'm falling. In all the good times, I find myself longing for change. And in the bad times, I feel myself. I'm on the deep end. Watch as I dive in. I'll never meet the ground. Bradley Cooper, you are not.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Gaga can just melt. She just got so... She just got to... So stupid. This was my first cry in the movie. Yeah, this sounds sad as fuck. When she gets on stage and she's like... Right now, when she finally realizes what she is. She's like, oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Oh, it was like an inspirational cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, it's so beautiful. You're such a big, fat pussy. I know. What a pussy. Right here, she looks out and she's like, singer, though. I'll give you that much.
Starting point is 00:57:40 I can't get this guy on music. This guy was born for music. He's doing music right now. In the shallow. In the shallow. Send us recommendations for songs.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.