KFC Radio - I'm Addicted To Spoiling Things, Am I the A**Hole?
Episode Date: May 13, 2021Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -SUI Jar -KFC and Dave Portnoy went at it on twitter after KFC learned Dave bought the biggest house in M...iami -Anti Cancel Culture put itself in a pretzel when Donald Glover tweeted about tv shows being cancelled -Jeff D Lowe got bullied into letting Dave play for the final in the dozen -Mare of Easttown predictions -Dave Chappelle's new podcast -AITA Thursday: Not paying for GFs vacation, addicted to spoiling, -Voicemails: Young president or old billionaire, how many people have been dropped in the ocean to their death? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @Nickhammy5 @JNics415You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to introduce to you the greatest show of all time.
It was one of the most horrific episodes I've ever seen in my life.
Wait, wait. You watched an episode of Bones today?
It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
Last episode, we introduced the jar.
I'm just going to refer to it as the jar.
We got a few people suspended from Twitter for the jar. Yeah, we got people talking about the suicide jar,
and they're talking about it so much that they
got suspended from Twitter. Really? Yeah.
Real quick. Real fast.
Real fast. So beware.
Head on a swivel if you're out here.
If you're one of the chicken heads. I didn't realize. If you're a chicken head
tweeting about our shows, you will get
suspended like that. Which is weird though because I thought
to get suspended you had to get
what's it called? Reported.
And who's out here reporting like like a random KFC radio fan,
for replying to our fucking tweets?
I think that might have been what that picks up.
Yeah.
I have seen people say suey.
Yeah, I do a lot of asterisks, and I say KMS, and I do like,
I'm going to end it.
Suey isn't one I see a lot, though.
The KMS. S-U-Y?
Yeah, just like an S-U-Y.
How about we know what you do?
Why don't we come up with a code word?
I like sui.
Us and the chicken heads.
Just sui?
Yeah, I think it's like we could say.
See, I think it's better to have.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe like I'm going to.
It's got to be like a verb, though, you know?
Like I'm going to sui.
Is that what people say?
I'm going to sui?
Yeah, I caught a sui.
Like I caught a DUI.
A DUI and a sui. Oh, okay, okay. So there's duis and suey. Is that what people say? I'm going to suey? Yeah, I caught a suey. Like I caught a DUI. A DUI and a suey.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
So there's DUIs and suey.
Let's do capital SUI so that it looks like it's a thing.
People will be like, what's an SUI?
Let me tell you.
It's a suey.
Okay.
So when you want to kill yourself, when you're having suicidal thoughts you say i caught a suey someone said for we could spend the money on a gun when we filled the jar
suspended i told that guy he might get hired
when you fill it all up you can buy a fucking gun that's's amazing. So, I mean, we came in hot because yesterday, or last episode, John, one of your darker moments where you were like, if I had a gun in the house the other day, it would have been done.
So I wake up in the morning, and I received a text from my friend.
My buddy texted me a screenshot.
And it made me want to catch a suey uh and so and then it led to a little uh little
back and forth with uh dave portnoy what are the screenshots i'll explain it in a second because uh
it made me either want to catch a suey or have a uh it was like eight in the morning and i was
like i need to have myself a nice cold new amsterdam vodka beverage uh we we are we actually
are uh we'll talk about it in a second, but we are doing a contest
here at Barstool Sports with New Amsterdam
where we are
trying to
concoct the best New Amsterdam
vodka cocktail. You'll be seeing
that in action soon enough.
We did a draft. We have all the
different shows
and teams here at Barstool Sports drafting
ingredients and using New Amsterdam vodka.
And it's funny.
It's going to be funny, and I think we're going to put together
ourselves a nice little cocktail.
I think one thing we're going to be a little hamstrung by
is the idea that it was around later in the day,
and we were just both hungry.
We were hungry, and there were ingredients that were foods.
And I was like, if we draft that,
we'll get to put that right in front of us and eat it.
And we did just that.
Yeah.
And it's not really an ingredient.
I actually don't care for this ingredient
when they put them in drinks, where I'm like,
the food mixed with drinks sometimes is too much.
Oh, so they just said
what the ingredient is
remember last time
I was just like
I am just full of
bacon and pickles
it was bacon and pickles
we ate a lot of
bacon and pickles
we ended up drafting
bacon because
then we could have
just a bowl of
like nice crispy bacon
that was right in front of us
but when you get like
so yeah this makes
it a lot easier
when you get a
Bloody Mary
I think Chicago
is known for them
there are certain places that are known for like where they put like a slice of pizza in it yeah you get. When you get a Bloody Mary, I think Chicago is known for them. There are certain places that are known for like.
They put a slice of pizza in it.
You get like a whole half a sandwich with like a fucking steak through it.
I'm like, what am I?
This is not part of my drink.
I'd rather just order a sandwich and put it on a plate.
I don't need to.
You don't need to give me a BLT balancing on top of my Bloody Mary drink.
So usually I don't like the bacon, but I was hungry, so we drafted the bacon.
The bacon was a great one, and it
served its purpose. I don't know if it's going to find
its way into the final recipe. It's not.
We basically have one ingredient,
right? We have two,
but it's just like, we got vodka
and a couple mixers. That's really it. It's going to be
good, though. It's going to be fire, because anytime
you mix things with New Amsterdam vodka, which is
a crisp, refreshing quality vodka at an affordable price uh it's got great smooth
it's got unparalleled smoothness and you mix that with the right can we just say all the
ingredients who fucking cares finalberg drafted passion fruit with the passion we had the second
overall pick we had our entire pick of the litter, obviously, minus the number one pick.
And Final Burger went, passion fruit!
I was like, I guess it was passion fruit.
Passion fruit's fucking awesome.
You've never had it.
I had never had it.
It was delicious.
It was good.
It's going to be like a refreshing cocktail that, you know, probably be more like a beachy,
outdoorsy, summertime cocktail.
I don't know if you go to the bar at night and order a passion fruit drink.
I'll tell you what.
Wait, doesn't Drake have a song called Passion Fruit?
Something fruit, right?
Yeah.
So let's work that into it.
We'll play passion fruit while we're drinking passion fruit.
I think he definitely does.
And also.
Yeah, this one.
The one that's like fucking island-y or whatever.
It was also a time where we have the minor ingredients, if you will,
where it's just like we don't have this extravagant stuff.
Guess what?
Pretty famous drink called the Pink Whitney.
Doesn't have a ton of ingredients to it.
Not much in it.
Not much in it.
It's pink lemonade and vodka.
We should just call ours the Passion Whitney.
And we'll just sell that shit too.
But listen, New Amsterdam Vodka is perfect whether you're going to mix it up,
whether you're going to shoot it straight, whether you want a fancy drink,
whether you want a basic drink.
New Amsterdam is the go-to vodka here at Barstool Sports.
You should call it the romantic.
You already got that.
I am a romantic.
Just passionate vodka.
Passion.
Just, like, just.
I don't hate that.
All you need is passion. It's funny because the one thing we
like completely lack is fashion um so this morning i get a text message from my good friend johnny
whose real name is vin but we call him johnny don't ask questions he's the tin man one year
he dressed up as the tin man for halloween he's been the tin man ever since
and it says that barstool sports founder revealed as the buyer of a record 14 million dollar
waterfront home in miami's morningside it's like that looks like the fucking mansion that
justin bieber and khaled recorded on the one it's like the
nicest fucking mansion in miami so i borrowed a phrase from my old friend feidelberg here the
inventor of the suey jar and i said this is the reason i don't keep a gun in the house
it literally ruined my morning it ruined my. I was laying in bed. Wait, why?
Because he has enough money
to buy a $14 million mansion.
Well, we knew he did.
I know, but seeing it in action
that he's buying the biggest house
in the history of Miami,
I was like, motherfucker.
And literally, I had woken up that day
and I saw two texts.
It was like,
you gotta fucking get our kid into kindergarten and like deal with.
I'm trying to get my kid.
Let me run this by you.
A little detour here.
I got to get my kid into a new school.
And it's going to have to be the Catholic school in my town.
That's connected to the church that I obviously never go to and never contribute to.
So I'm thinking about calling up and being like, we're parishioners.
We just haven't gone because of COVID that plays right yeah i mean sure they've also been mailing us the envelopes for every sunday and we just haven't used it at all i mean they might they
might ignore it but the catholic church is is there i think they're pretty well versed in how
to just kind of turn a blind eye to things right Right. And they're like, well, we'll just pretend that we don't know that Kevin's lying to us.
But, like, they're going to know.
But as long as I cut the check, right?
How much of a check are you, like, supposed to write?
I think I got to, like, make up for not fucking going and donating every Sunday, you know?
Why?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Really?
So for, like, the last, let's call it five years?
I mean, I wasn't going to do that many.
You have to write a check for every fucking Sunday?
You're going to have a cramp.
I'm thinking if I just be like, you know, well, it depends.
If it's going to be the last five years, I'm going to say that I was going to donate a dollar every Sunday.
If it's going to be the last one year, I'd say i would throw you 20 or 50 bucks every sunday i'll write a check to get this kid in just because i i it's you know
it's been tasked to me so i just gotta get this shit done but i was just worried about them being
like i thought you just kind of just go you just saw i didn't go to college school until high
school maybe maybe maybe i'm overthinking it maybe they'll just be like we're happy to have them
but i think they're gonna be like well what do well, what do you believe in? I mean, they're going to
probably Google me and be like, no.
Probably excommunicated.
See, but also, I don't know. I think
Catholic school is just, you're taking yourself
too seriously.
It's kindergarten. Let the fucking
kid in. Who cares what's going to
happen? Even a Catholic high school
I could see being a little more restrictive
and stuff like that. It's Catholic elementary school you're all teaching the preschool wait
no kindergarten also wait so does that mean like your children are never going to get taught about
like evolution i don't know how that works too it's like yeah you're gonna you're gonna feed
him a bunch of fucking what is science class at the catholic school you know like in high school
it was definitely just science but i don don't know if that... I know there
was... My family bounced around
schools all the time. I was just strict public
school. I had siblings who went to
some Catholic, some...
They were like, we hate this school. We're going to
public school. We hate public school. We're going back.
They were bouncing around.
And I know that
at that Catholic school,
there was some pushback on teaching science.
That's insanity.
That is insanity.
Like, what do you mean?
We're not doing creationism?
Like, no, we're doing fucking science.
We're doing reality.
Like, yeah, so then, you know, gravity, the apple fell off of Eve's head in the Garden of Eden after God made him out of a fucking rib.
Made him out of a rib.
What a dumb fucking story.
The pushback, to be clear, did not come from my parents, but there were parents who were like, what is happening with creation?
That is totally bad shit, bro.
Bad shit.
You might want to check on that.
I know.
Before we decide so so i am waking up to that thought and that discussion
and dave is waking up to closing on the you know the best house ever in the history of miami
so i was like yeah i'm gonna kill myself so then dave sees that and and quote tweets it just you
know as only as only dave can then you remember that you are a multi-millionaire because you met
me and if you didn't meet me you'd be an accountant and suddenly you buy me a housewarming gift that's kind of funny i i i you know what i'm gonna do
my housewarming gift i'm gonna go there i'm gonna take a shit in your toilet i'm not gonna wash my
hands and i'm gonna just leave it floating in the goddamn bowl which you probably won't even see for
a week because it's in the west wing uh but yeah this notion that i am a
fucking millionaire i think dave legit thinks i've already got my money or something i i think
everyone else got paid and i didn't and he just forgot it's like you got you got your money right
it's like when it's like when he forgot to pay you and k marco for like a month it's like it's
like dave did you forget to give me your money from the sale wait am i rich am i supposed to be
dave used to just like write checks and not mail but am i rich am i supposed to be dave used to just like write
checks and not mail but maybe i maybe i'm supposed to be a multi-millionaire and dave just forgot to
give it to me because it's happened in the past it used to happen on a much smaller scale imagine
dave was like oh shit i yeah no you were supposed to get like three million dollars at the close
i would probably be so mad about that i'd be like ah i don't want it fuck you that would
be incredible so yeah a broken that the the tweet below that's even funnier do you know that
reference larry i'm on ducktales no when uh um there's uh danny oh yes yes when he's on larry
king and larry king was like uh you know my my
luxury is a private jet yeah i'm on ducktails i don't have a private jet dude that's unbelievable
but that was a good old classic throwback like i mean i don't think i've interacted with dave
on twitter in like five or six years oh yeah so that was a good old throwback to like rich boy poor boy um but yeah there's the
video of me pushing my broken car but i did get a lot of nice tweets i got i always get these tweets
of people be like you know when are you gonna start being positive like you gotta put out the
right energy i'm like fuck you with that bullshit and then i got a lot of uh nice well not nice but
just a lot of other tweets of people being like no no, you are a fucking, like, a tortured Irish Catholic guy
who suppresses your emotions just like I do,
and I'm happy to know that there's one guy like you out there,
so, like, keep doing it.
I'm like, yeah!
You're not alone.
We're here together, you know?
So, uh...
This one here, I saw that pop up immediately,
and I'm like, you're going to respond to that.
Yeah, this fucking asshole.
At some point, KFC just has to realize that hating everything and being negative isn't good for his brand mental health or overall quality of life bro i can assure you it is very
much good for my brand it is my brand it's the only reason why we have like a successful show
is because that's our brand like if we weren't well i don't hate everything i don't hate everything
that's the other thing too that's just a misnomer.
That's just like I can.
The problem with the internet is like when you have the reputation I do, which is self-created, so whatever.
But like I can tell you all the TV shows I love.
I can tell you all the foods I love.
I can tell you the brands of clothing I love.
I can tell you the celebrities I love.
All these things that I love.
And when that's the case, they're like, that's fucking lame.
You're lame for liking that.
Yeah, right, right.
But it's something I like.
I've said it before when people used to be like, and people don't actually say that I hate that much anymore.
But people are like, oh, no, it would be the C word.
Contrarian.
Contrarian.
I like the most popular things there are.
I mean, my thing to you is that you always like everything. I can't trust you. Honey likes everything. And people are like, you're so contrarian. I like the most popular things there are. I mean, my thing to you is that you always like everything.
I can't trust you.
I only like everything.
And people are like, you're so contrarian.
I guess.
I just say everything's awesome.
My thing is more.
Except for what happens in here.
Except for me.
I'm not awesome.
Everything else, I have a good time doing.
I also, I mean, I feel like I've always backed up everything that's popular that I've hated.
I've given you the reason why I hate it.
Like, you can't possibly hate Derek Jeter.
I'm like, I do, and here's all the reasons why.
You're just saying that.
I'm not just saying it.
I laid out the whole fucking reason.
So I'm never, I don't like people who like everything.
You cannot trust them.
I agree, except for the fact that you're you're describing what you just described me.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
You with certain things like, well, no, there's a difference between liking the most popular things and liking everything.
You know, I also don't like people who like something exclusively.
Like I can like a musical artist.
And if they put out a bad song or album, I'll tell you it's bad.
For sure.
You know, I like an actor.
We just went into this with Bieber when it's like he put out Justice and we're like, yeah, that's Justin Bieber.
The other shit was garbage.
Not good.
Yeah.
So I don't like when it's like you – that's where – that's what's gone on with politics.
That's what's gone on with like the whole world where it's like you have to like everything associated with the person, the team, the side, whatever.
And it's just not how the world fucking works.
It's like you have to like everything about a person?
No.
It's like, you know.
No, I dislike most of it.
Yeah.
Basically, I need to like maybe one thing about you.
Hopefully.
Can I hold on to that for dear life?
Otherwise, I'd have no friends.
It's not Rambo Cliffhanger.
Yes.
Just like that big fucking strong.
All right, I like this one thing.
Perfect.
Let's go.
But that's where you run into all this fucking cancel culture nonsense because you have to like, like I said, everything to do with the party, everything to do with the whatever the topic is.
And yes, last episode we had what I thought was the funniest cancel culture.
The funniest wrinkle in the cancel culture saga, I thought, was Bob Baffert saying that his horse getting popped for PEDs was an example of cancel culture.
That has already been surpassed.
That has already been, you know, usurped by this Donald Glover story.
The Donald Glover, like, Jackie tried to explain it to me.
She didn't do a good job.
But I thought Donald Glover was getting canceled.
And I was like, fuck.
Like, I love that guy.
What did he do?
What's the problem now?
I mean, people are kind of trying to because they're just misunderstanding him. The Donald Glover cancel culture situation
is brought to you by Bare Bottom.
Bare Bottom, I can't
sing the praises high enough. I am
in the process. Bare Bottom is awesome.
I am in the process of purging my
entire house because I'm just running out of space
with the amount of clothes. We've talked about this before.
The amount of samples we get, the amount of clothes
we put out, the amount of sponsor clothes that
get sent our way, and then the amount of shit that we buy i'm just running out of space so i'm purging
everything and i'm doing a real purge you know when you're like well i might wear this like one
more time before i'm dead so let's keep it i'm throwing it all out and it's basically down to
like all my hoodies and then my bare bottom shirts it's all like that's all i wear at this point
the bare bottom long sleeves and the bare bottom tees are that material and those colors pop they're soft they don't shrink they're just like solid
colors i got the blue one oh my eyes look great when i wear the blue one yeah i mean you wore it
friday i noticed i mean i got i'm gonna get just all blue bare bottom clothing shirts forever
they i wear the the uh the joggers they have too that are like denim but not jeans they're more comfortable than that i've got the um black and gray flannel button up i mean
they've got like good clothes one of my favorite clothing sponsors we've ever had here the black
gray flannel is also sick awesome it is they haven't they haven't given me anything that i
missed like that was like i was like ah right this one like everything like oh fuck that's fire
which is you know i wouldn't know what to it like I you could have told me like bare bottom clothing
is like a wilderness brand or something like that but like it's right up my fucking alley I love it
so uh it's it's uh the perfect clothing line if you're looking for premium style and comfort at
an insane value and right now you can get free shipping on your first order when you go to barebottomclothing.com
and use code KFC.
That's bare like the animal, B-E-A-R, bottomclothing.com,
and use code KFC to get free shipping on your first order of those super comfortable threads.
So Donald Glover, people are trying to cancel Donald Glover
because he's talking about television shows that get canceled?
Okay, so what he said, and these are literally his only tweets of all time.
No, never mind.
He has a couple of responses from 2020.
They respond to people.
But if you look at his page, he has three tweets ever.
That's it.
If you go to tweets and replies, he has a few replies.
So 14 hours ago as we're doing this.
He's so not on Twitter that he doesn't even know how a thread works.
Yeah.
You just start from the bottom and work up.
I wish.
Zero following, 2.5 million followers, and he doesn't even know how to do it.
Saw people on here having a discussion about how tired they were of reviewing boring stuff in TV and film.
We're getting boring stuff and not even experimental mistakes because people are afraid of getting canceled.
So they feel like they can only experiment with aesthetic.
Also good because some of them know they're not that good.
So he's talking about television shows, showrunners, writers, actors being afraid to try something new and different because the
networks and the studios will cancel your show not that you will be canceled from existence
that is so like this is to me that's a this is an important moment in this dumb
fucking chapter of humanity where maybe like if i was one of these people and i jumped on this and
was like rah rah rah cancel and someone was like dude he's talking about tv shows getting canceled
like he i would want to clearly talking about that yeah there's no way to mix it up he said
maybe if it was threaded it would i don't know because it's like i guess if you read that one
tweet alone where it doesn't say tv and film, read that one tweet by itself.
Maybe that could be the problem.
It just says like we're getting boring stuff and not even experimental mistakes because people are afraid of getting canceled.
Yeah.
If he could thread, it wouldn't be a problem.
Learn how to use your Twitter, Donald.
If you read just that middle one, it does sound kind of like, yeah, yeah.
He's got 8,000 retweets on the second tweet but only one on the first tweet, so you wouldn't really know.
That does read like people are afraid of getting canceled from society.
Yeah, you're right.
When he meant that.
So I can't knock it too much.
My point was going to be.
It's also up to, that one's up to 12,000 now.
Yeah, so that second tweet is soaring.
Donald's anti-cancel.
No, Dante's anti-TV shows getting ended.
Donald is against shows getting canceled that are trying different things.
I also, I bet you there are people out there saying,
Donald is against cancel culture.
And they're going, hell yeah, he is.
45 is against cancel culture.
There's a whole bunch of misunderstandings going on
with a guy named Donald saying the word canceled. And all it is is an actor talking about TV shows getting ended.
I was going to knock people for it.
It's so obvious.
Because I think he does have, I think people do say Atlanta is, I haven't seen Atlanta, so I can't really speak with any sense of confidence on it.
But I think people do claim it's, like, really different.
And it's, like, it's weird and interesting and like that teddy perkins thing
is wild he just has this character that's him in like makeup and he looks like jigsaw from fucking
saw oh really like this weird character that he concocted like yeah there's a lot of cool
like experimental shit that you use there and so like yeah obviously he's like yeah i can do this
but like everyone else is scared of getting their show canceled.
Of losing the, like, let's just drop the C word,
of losing their paycheck.
If he just said show getting canceled,
like no fucking issue here.
But that's like, so all right,
I can't knock people who misunderstood
because that's understandable.
But what I can knock is anybody right now
who's fucking firing off tweets and quote tweeting it
and fighting in the mentions.
If I just said like, hey, dude, he's talking about TV shows getting canceled.
And I had worked myself into a goddamn frenzy fighting on the Internet.
That would probably be a moment for me to step back and be like, well, OK.
I like automatically always assume we're talking about the ending of careers and stuff like I got to relax.
I mean, you can't people you can't use the it's interesting when a word like starting in 20 what i don't know 1918 whatever it was
the word canceled just like shifted gears like if you look at the google searches if you look
at the trends like the word i wouldn't say it shifted gears it like jumped off a bridge
yeah like prior to that cancel means television shows getting canceled.
It means like cancel an order.
You can cancel my plans.
Yeah, I got to cancel my, yeah, I got to cancel on you.
You know, like that used to be what cancel means.
And now it's like this fucking taboo word, cancel.
Oh, no.
And this motherfucker who's a TV actor just talking about TV shows getting canceled
and he got swept away.
It's actually perfect that he's not a Twitter user
because he probably just sent those and fucking went back to the set
and was just like, whatever, dude.
Because if it was me, I'd be like, you know, let me thread it
and be like, you idiots.
I'm talking about shows getting canceled, and then it's done.
But this runs wild and becomes a hilarious internet story.
And he probably doesn't even know.
Nope.
That is the life of, of like when you are so removed that I actually was surprised that Dave responded
to me because he's like so off of Twitter now.
And like, I think when you get.
He's been on a lot lately.
Has he?
With a dozen stuff.
Oh.
Which.
Yeah, we can talk about.
We can talk about.
Yeah.
I don't like this ruling at all. And I think this ruling is only happening because of Dave. Yeah. Oh, yeah. talk about it. We can talk about... I don't like this ruling at all.
And I think this ruling is only happening because of Dave.
Yeah, oh yeah.
That's bullshit.
Did they get a shot at the title?
It is.
They have to win like three other rounds and they lost by six points.
And their team's record is 2-11, I think.
I mean, God, I'm very happy for Clem.
I believe that's the right record.
They were a 12 seed, I know that. So I know it wasn't great. Right? It was a play-in or something, I'm very happy for Clem. I believe that's the right record. They were a 12 seed.
I know that.
So I know it wasn't great.
Right?
It was a play-in or something, I guess.
Yeah, it was a play-in.
It was Denver's Uptown Balls.
Right, 12-12 to get in.
I'm very happy that Clem gets to go on the magic carpet right here,
just hold on to Davey Portnoy's fucking cape and maybe go to the top.
But, I mean, if it's anybody else, Jeff D. Logos,
that dude signed on April 23rd of 2020.
So for people who don't know, there was a question,
which NCAA basketball program has the most pros?
Dave answered UConn.
They said no, Memphis.
Memphis has five players in the NBA.
At the time, I think, I don't know, maybe not.
I thought at the time they wrote that question, UConn had four and Memphis had five.
And in the last couple weeks, another dude signed to like an unsigned, an undrafted type of thing.
So now it went from four to five.
So technically at the time of the airing, Dave was right and it was at least a tie and he should have got credit.
And they went on to get blown out by six questions.
People did say that that was like a momentum shifter.
I didn't see it, but they said that like Uptown Balls was kind of competing.
Or no, what's their name?
ZD.
No, ZD is what they thought.
Yes, they said that ZD was competing,
and then they lost all their momentum after that question.
But Jeff D. Lowe has come out, and this has got to be a nightmare.
You do all this work, and on the first fucking night,
there's a mistake where he's like, fuck, with the boss.
So Jeff comes out and says they get a shit.
Whoever wins the title, whoever wins,
then Team ZD gets to just swoop in and play one more match for the championship.
That's like, you know, like shit happens.
Calls get blown.
You know what I mean?
It'd be like, this is unfortunate, but you get bounced in the playoffs
because the ref made the wrong call.
The Saints get bounced out of the fucking
NFC Championship.
Yeah, right, right, right.
They don't get to just play in the Super Bowl.
Shit happens.
That's some bullshit.
I think that's more of a blunder than...
The question mistake is like,
they had an easy out.
They should have just been like,
we wrote it beforehand.
That doesn't...
I don't know, whatever.
Fucking suck my dick.
I am the dozen.
I'm Jeff D. Lowe and the D stands for dozen, motherfucker.
It is like, I would definitely just be like, look.
I'll be like, look, hand up.
Call was wrong.
It happens.
Everything else stays.
Right.
Doesn't matter.
It doesn't change anything.
If that, like, I feel like to use the same.
Was it Angel Hernandez did it?
No, it wasn't Angel Hernandez.
It was.
Jim Joyce?
Yeah.
It was.
It was.
It was.
It was.
It was.
It was.
It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.. It was. Was it Angel Hernandez did it? No, it wasn't Angel Hernandez. Jim Joyce with Alejandro Galarraga on the perfect call.
Yes.
Perfect game, right?
Like, yeah, ruined it.
You don't get to just be like, that was.
Now, like with the Saints example, that was, like, that play stopped them from going to the Super Bowl.
You know?
That play with the perfect game, I think they should have just given it to them.
Because that was the final out.
You can't, but you can't play like, well, if we got this right, then that would have happened.
But when you go on to lose by six other questions,
that's where the league says we fucked up,
and then you ask Clem and those guys about it,
and they say, yeah, that was really unfortunate,
but we can't complain because we blew it.
We fucked up everything else.
Yeah, so it all doesn't come down to one play.
Sometimes it does come down to one play.
If that was the final question and that was for the win,
then I understand it.
But this is bullying.
This is internet bullying from the big bad Portnoy.
And I wish I was on the other side of this.
I would fight this fucking tooth and nail forever.
Bullshit.
It's drama, though.
It's good for business, probably.
It's unfortunate that I'm sure Jeff is freaking out about it, but it's great for business.
I'm going to get more viewers now because of it i don't know it was already crushing too
yeah and i think that i think this is good yeah this is gonna get some attention maybe that's why
they did it too maybe like well we can like get a a huge live event like like they'll play that
game live now like i would that's what i do. I would have a live viewing of that championship,
that second championship game now.
It would be pretty sick.
I don't think any of it's orchestrated or anything like that.
But it's going to work out.
It's going to work out just fine.
But, Ball, don't lie.
I hope that the current winner just blows them out.
Yeah.
Because if Team Z, and it's tough for me because I hate Dave,
but I love Clem.
And who's their third?
Eddie.
And Eddie.
I love Eddie too.
So it's like two-thirds I would love to see get a shot,
but I can't in good conscience root for Dave to just skip.
I wouldn't even, I swear to God, I don't think I would take that.
If I was on that team, I think I'd be like, that's cheap.
It is.
It's pretty outrageous.
I don't know
i would feel like like i don't know if there's another way to there's no other way to do it
but i mean i would not want to be like just let me pass through the sweet 16 the elite eight the
final four and the championship and go to a different championship. Drama, drama in the dozen. Wow.
So anyway, yeah, big drama in the dozen world,
big drama in the TV world with Donald Glover.
Also going on right now, I think the,
I think I would have to say the talk of TV,
well, I think Invincible had its moment,
but now that season's over.
I think Mayor of Easttown is like the show right now on HBO.
Kate Winslet, Murder Mystery, the Sunday night, 9 o'clock slot.
9 o'clock or 10 o'clock?
10 o'clock.
10 o'clock.
I hate that.
Yeah, it is.
I want to go to bed, bro.
It's like, I remember people were asking me what time it was on.
I was like, probably 8, maybe 9.
I think when they do heavy murder assault type shit.
But there really hasn't been any yet.
No, like the first one, that was really about it.
There was a dead body in it, but nothing that you... Bro, I was watching Bones this morning.
I was going to say, you can catch that on basic cable.
Dude, it was one of the most horrific episodes I've ever seen in my life.
Wait, wait.
You watched an episode of Bones today?
How many episodes of Bones have you watched in your life not that many
over under 10.5 episodes uh it probably probably a great over under call you've watched 11 episodes
of bones that's fucking hilarious my girlfriend really liked it so like oh sometimes the classic
i wasn't watching my girlfriend i'll just come into the room and it'll be on.
Uh huh.
Sure.
This episode was from same reason why you wear thongs to my girlfriend likes and they're just around sometimes.
Funny surprise.
The the bro.
This is I got to tell you, it was insanity.
This fucking this is from like like they're using flip phones.
They got this is like they showed a highlight on TV.
They were in a bar or something like that.
This is LeBron's first run on the Cavs.
This is a long time ago, this episode.
And these bodies were so fucked up.
Dead bodies like chopped up and shit?
Kevin.
Like skin ripped off them.
And fucking their eyes cut out.
And, like, they were tied up, and their arms were dislocated, their sockets, so the dude
could twist them until they popped.
This is on, like, TNT, right?
This was on just TNT, Kevin!
So, yeah, a girl with a bullet hole in her head really isn't that horrific.
We're on a fucking streaming service.
We're waiting until 10 p.m.
Daddy's got to go to work in the morning.
Put the 9 o'clock slot in.
Fucking crazy.
That was 7 p.m. on TNT.
Why don't you get some fucking balls?
For real.
Stop being pussies, TNT or HBO.
But it's the big John called that he said by week four
episode four everyone will be jumping in which just seems to be the case there's only seven
episodes so now it's like a whodunit where like everybody is related and everybody could have
done it and everybody talks fucking ridiculously because it takes place in pennsylvania so they
all have that that delco accent and snL did a skit, Murder Derder,
that's pretty fucking accurate
because I always forget that Kate Winslet's English too,
so her doing the Delco thing is like two accents removed.
And she does it pretty well, I think.
I think a lot of people from Delco are kind of like,
this is ridiculous, we don't really talk like this.
And it's like, yes, you fucking do.
Yeah, Lutex is like, do I really sound like this?
And it's like, yeah, exactly. But I Yeah, that's what Lutex is like. Do I really sound like this? It's like, yeah, exactly.
But I think two things is that everybody seems to have it, like, heavy, thick.
Which, you know, I guess makes sense.
But, like, you know, not everyone in New York is, hey, forget about it.
You know?
A lot of people are, but some people aren't.
And two, I don't know if they're trying, but they say phone, home, hoagie, family.
They say all of those words like a
thousand times i mean i think i think it was this week where they're like or i think it's a preview
for next week where they're eating cheesesteaks and hoagies and it's like we don't we don't need
to say i don't see that so uh but snl did a skit uh for they called it murder dirter and uh it the And the accents are unbelievable. SNL right now is the number one comedy, 18 to 49.
Not streaming, so just cable and basic.
What do they call it?
Like broadcast and network cable.
Number one in 18 to 49 for the first time in its history.
Technically, this is the best season in SNL's history.
Really?
Isn't that?
I mean, I guess.
But I think that's because there's nothing else on right it's like everyone's watching streaming and the only time you would literally
the only time i sports and if there's an snl guest i will probably i don't i didn't even tune in for
it but i might like when chapelle and bill burr were on i did tune in but when also i think it's
even more so than that it's like literally nothing else was filming because of covid
oh so like shows are just like, there just aren't new shows.
That's a great point.
So, that must be it.
Because I was thinking, like, when they had Sandler and Farley.
But also when they had all those, like, there was Seinfeld and Friends and all these monsters.
Like, what's the show right now?
Yeah, but, like, Seinfeld, those shows were on Saturday nights.
That was also back in the day when, guess what?
You didn't see a show.
You didn't see that episode of that show.
Right, right, right.
A Saturday night, like, that's a tough.
You weren't spending your time Saturday nights catching up on, like, the Seinfeld.
That's true.
That was it.
You didn't get to watch it.
Yeah, a lot of people were sitting at home on Saturday nights this year just watching SNL, too.
What's, like, the show right now?
Like, you know, Big Bang Theory was always that show that everyone hated, but it was number one.
I think it was probably Young Sheld know young children oh that's even worse at least big bang theory i
was like i don't know that's just my you know what i mean like there is no i can't think of
off the top of my head what is the big nbc cbs abc show right now my mom's pretty big oh what
yeah what is that anna ferris alice and jenny my heavens. If that's number one, then console TV.
I think Anna Faris bounced, actually.
I feel like, you know, there was always, even like, what's like the, oh, I guess This Is Us.
No, yeah, This Is Us was like the big family one.
But I couldn't name you like any other shit.
I mean, that's.
I think Blue Bloods is still, well, that's not a comedy, but Blue Bloods is still like.
Blue Bloods is like the cop thing, and then there's a 50 think Blue Bloods is still... Well, that's not a comedy, but Blue Bloods is still like... Blue Bloods is like the cop thing
and then there's a 50 million NCISs
and all that shit, right?
God, it's bleak out there.
You see they're doing CSI Las Vegas?
It's just...
That was just...
That was the one they started with.
I was going to say,
they haven't done Las Vegas yet?
CSI was just CSI Las Vegas
and now they're doing CSI Las Vegas.
That's absurd.
Oh, it was just called CSI
and then they can add the...
So it feels new.
It's like they just repackaged it.
They're even using the same actors, Kevin.
It's just, they're just saying it's a new show.
Good for them.
Yeah, I do respect that.
That's a hustle right there.
Do you know that,
did you see that the Raiders are putting in
a fucking nightclub in their end zone?
No.
An 11,000 square foot nightclub in the end zone
while the game is played,
you can get
bottle service and there's a dj i'm all about it that's fucking sick like you know when you don't
want to leave the tailgate i like to tailgate i don't sometimes i'm like do we have to go in
can we just fucking like keep out you know drilling and it's like oh but i'll go in for the
club could you imagine i mean there's gonna be so many fights and shit it's gonna be in las vegas
raiders insanely expensive forget about it But I think it would be cool.
There's a football game going on, and you're like, I don't fucking care.
Sparklers are coming out.
You're making out with some shit.
Imagine you're fucking your, I don't know, a quarterback.
You're just trying to score.
You're trying to throw a touchdown into the fucking end zone.
You're throwing a fade, and there's a girl with a bottle service.
Like, hey, DP45.
Dave will be partying in that dumbass club.
No doubt.
No doubt.
I did want to say something, by the way, while Mayor of East Town is up.
I have a theory.
And I don't know why it's going to play in.
A theory for the show?
A theory for the show?
It just can't be right.
But there's something, I think, to the daughter.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Spoilers, bro.
Spoilers, bro.
Can't talk about it.
Spoilers, bro.
It is, first of all, of anyone who was actually thinking that.
Go fuck yourselves
guarantee we probably lost listeners but she doesn't look like she got shot uh shot in the
head i agree i thought she got like hit with something it looked like she got bludgeoned is
that an entry wound because if you get shot in the head your fucking head's like blown off but
maybe it went in the front and it was even like it was too long it wasn't a hole it was like a slit
and then there's all of the kids are like we didn't hear a gunshot i think she just didn't get shot i i would be down
with that i don't i don't know what that means i don't know what i thought that she got hit in the
head with something when i first saw it absolutely looked like a bludgeon like a gas 100 but maybe
there was another like maybe there was a bludgeon but like over here was a headshot or something
i guess maybe wrong thing but yeah i'm with you on that i was a bludgeon, but, like, over here was a headshot or something. I guess, maybe. But, yeah, I'm with you on that.
I was like.
There's some, because she's asked all the kids, did you hear a gunshot?
Everyone's like, no, no, no.
So, like.
So, why did they get the gunshot, though?
I guess they did the fucking, I would imagine at some point now.
Oh, but also they found the bullets, you know, in the tree and shit.
Yeah, but I just don't think there's a different bullets or something.
I hope at this point a medical examiner is taking
a look at her, but
that does not look like a gunshot.
That is just
not a gunshot. That doesn't look like an exit wound.
That was the first thought I had
when they said she was shot.
I was like, oh, I must have just looked at her wrong.
What about in that nose? Is that a
fucking gunshot? Like an entry wound in the nostril?
That looks like just a blood.
Again, like you got the shit kicked out of you.
That's such, I mean, that would be stupid.
If they were like, oh, well, you know, sorry, Mayor.
There wasn't actually a gunshot.
For five episodes, we just let you think like, that's just not a gunshot.
I also wonder, I would love to talk to a real cop.
Let's get a real cop on the show.
A real cop. Let's get a real cop on the show. A real detective. Like, that scene where she, like, spots a ricochet on the roof and then follows it to a tree trunk.
Like, I guess that stuff's real.
I guess, like, I just think it's very impressive that cops show up, especially back in the day.
Now it's, like, DNA and technology and shit, cameras everywhere.
But back in the day, you'd roll up and there's a dead person
and you're like, all right, I'm going to look at everything here
and put the puzzle together.
That's wild.
It's like, let me find this thread or that hair and this footprint.
Or wait a minute, the door was locked, so it had to come from here.
And the only way you could get in there was if your neighbor had the key
and all that shit.
I'd walk up and I'd be like, I don't fucking know what happened.
It happened 12 hours ago.
It's over.
Those cops must have, I mean, must have hit below the Mendoza.
They must have just been like, well, who lives next door?
It was them.
Yeah.
Where's the closest black person?
Absolutely.
100%.
That's like the old Chappelle skit.
Sprinkle some crack on them.
Get the hell out of here, Johnson.
It was.
John Mulaney's got a great joke about that where he's like, he's like, imagine like just before DNA existed.
And then like some cops, detectives in there and police, you know, a plainclothes guy comes up to him and says, you know, detective, we found a bunch of the killer's blood in the other room.
Gross. Clean it up.
Yeah, that's icky.
What are we going to do with that?
Back to my hunch.
Speaking of Chappelle, he was on Rogan and was, like, you know,
promoing his new podcast.
You'd love this.
This may be an idea we should steal.
So he's got a new podcast with Mos Def and Talib Kweli,
which is weird, by the way, because I think if there's one person,
usually I think celebrity podcasts don't work, you know?
Did you just dig in there?
No, no, it was my podcast.
Oh, I thought you were just...
I would have respected it after the fucking week we've had here.
Joe Rogan was explaining it because he's already listened to it.
He was like, I like it because it's produced and there's music clips and there's...
It's like a...
You know, it's not just like a conversation, which I just wouldn't call it a podcast.
Then I would call that something else, because I think when you listen to something that's like a documentary feel and you were expecting, I would get excited for a Dave Chappelle podcast where it's like, just rip it, Dave.
I want to hear your thoughts.
And if it's like there's a producer chopping it up like that could be cool.
I just don't think of it as a podcast.
They're all a specific and similar certain length because they're meant to be
on vinyl podcasts on vinyl.
Oh really?
Which I think is more of a,
uh,
I don't think there's many people who would like,
you know,
you listen to it at the gym,
you listen to it on the pod,
you know,
you're not putting down the record unless though,
like I said,
they are more of like a,
I would call that like an audio experience or something about them.
And I also think it would be very cool if it's like Mostef, Talib Kweli, and Dave Chappelle,
like their new episode is featuring Joe Rogan, and they like take a picture together,
and then like the album cover.
Then it's like a piece of memorabilia, you know what I mean?
If you could buy – they all took a picture in the studio, and that's on your vinyl,
and then you listen to it, and then you make money.
But I don't know.
It's cool, but I also don't think, you think you know hey did you hear the new chapelle uh podcast
like you hear the new episode now i like you know my phonograph is at home i haven't fucking listened
to it yet i mean you can listen to it elsewhere but he said they are intended to be listened to
on record that is that's definitely interesting that makes sense given some things i know about
the show that i'm like okay that makes sense they also um he bluntly was like this is not about money this is not about like we're trying to go to the
top of the charts he's just like i am very good friends with uh yassin bay and taluk quali and
they're well traveled well spoken well educated and i just like they're my friends i don't talk
to them so like they're just doing might as well make a couple of bucks yeah yeah i'm sure i'm sure
i mean everything is you know about business but i also think like, you know, if they said
it was really not about money, you just, you just talk to your friends.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Well, but I could see those guys being like thinking they're like doing a service almost
like, no, we got to get like our thoughts out to the people and like encourage discussion.
But yeah.
You know, when people say it's not about money, it's like, well, it's's a little bit yeah dude like i would even say what we do is not about the money but i
want the money you know i really like really like talking to you kevin yeah if i if they didn't pay
me i wouldn't talk to you this much yeah i agree we certainly wouldn't just talk for three fucking
hours straight in the middle of the afternoon but i mean i i always i'm i think we're like a
paradox i always tell people i'm like i, I am 100% about the money.
Like, I will sell out.
I'll do whatever if the price is right.
But then also, like, it doesn't actually motivate me.
What motivates me, like, if we have a good episode or if it goes to the top of the charts or something gets a lot of views or people, like, that's what motivates me.
That is true.
So it's like I really, what motivates me is doing the content and what motivates me is the attention.
What I like is the money.
So what I am is shallow.
Add it all up.
What do you got? A shallow piece of shit.
Am I the asshole?
I thought we were going to go with sociopath.
Yep.
That word's thrown around too often,
but what I describe there is to a T.
What I like is the attention.
What gets my dick hard is the money
i just thought you were gonna say entertainer
no all that too i guess they're all that way it is 100 the only like time i'm like all right
that was worth it is not worth it but you know what i mean like the only time i'm like hell yeah
we did something yeah is when people tweet like that was funny i really like that episode
like i wouldn't i couldn't i don't even know what the money is.
I don't know what we made.
I guess if it was something like if we somehow got paid based on that –
if a podcast was really funny and that meant like a bigger paycheck or something,
that would be – there's no direct correlation with money,
whereas there is a direct correlation with the audience reacting.
Yeah, that's true.
So I'm an instant sort of thing.
Yeah, it happens today.
And all I need to see is the first tweet of the day.
If someone says it's funny, I'm like, that was a great episode.
If someone says it was bad, I'm like, fuck, it sucked.
Nothing else matters.
Am I the Asshole?
Today's brought to you by SimpliSafe.
It's the award-winning home security system.
It's engineered with the latest technology
so that you and your family and your loved ones and your belongings
and all your important things that, you know, I don't know, you must be rich.
Dave can set up his Miami mansion with the Simply Safe because we've said this before.
We don't even own things.
I'm trying to get things out of my house.
Come rob me.
You can steal all my clothes except for my bare bottom.
That's it.
Take everything else.
But if you've got stuff that you want protected from a burglar or from a fire or from a an earthquake or a hurricane
or a typhoon or a volcano eruption yeah i don't know if a volcano erupts around your house you're
probably probably not much to say yeah yeah that's i wouldn't blame them but they have award-winning
24-7 service with police and fire and emt so they can cover all this stuff they have advanced
technology so they know, like,
if your kid's playing ball in the house and they break a window
versus, like, a burglar breaking a window, they know.
I don't know how they know, but they know.
Set up the cameras, set up the alarms and the sirens and the sensors
all on your own so you don't have anybody come in your house.
You can set it up in, like, 15, 20 minutes, in a half hour.
You got everything up and running, everything safe and sound,
and you can go month to month with the contract.
You don't get looped into anything long term. None of that bullshit hidden fees or
anything. Everything is just month to month. Good to go. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Right now you can
get a 60 day risk free trial plus a free HD security camera when you go to simply safe dot
com slash KFC radio. That's simply safe with an I S I M P L I safe.com slash KFC radio to
customize your system.
Get that risk-free trial and the free security camera.
Am I the asshole?
Am I the asshole for not paying for my girlfriend?
28 female.
I am a 27 year old male to come on my family's vacation,
even though I could easily afford to my girlfriend of almost three years just bought a new condo that we recently moved into she works
a full-time job and for the past year has also worked a part-time job to save for the down payment
and other maintenance costs she bought it about two months ago then had to buy a washer dryer
fix a plumbing issue etc my family goes on a yearly trip to my home country japan we have
relatives there my girlfriend could not afford to go because of all the recent
expenses related to the condo my older brother was very curious as to why she's not coming on
the trip when i told her when i told her she could not when i i'm assuming when i told him
she could not afford it he asked but you can pay for her to come so why not do it he knows i have
a lot of money saved since i lived with our parents till i was 26 rent free he also advises
me on investments that have done well i told him it is not my job to provide a vacation for her that she
is an adult he was shocked and thought it was a disgrace that she's worked two jobs to provide a
place for us to live yet i could not provide for a vacation for her in return he even offered for
he even offered to pay for her to come although anything he said uh he just said this to piss me
off so am I the asshole?
I mean,
I mean,
this guy's an asshole,
right? Yeah.
You're definitively the asshole.
I mean,
there's like,
I just read the headline.
I thought maybe there's something interesting here.
Pretty open and shot case Johnson.
Back it up.
We can go home here.
Now,
if,
if,
if there was no,
like I live and you pay for this and you know,
if she just had her own place and you had your own place and, I mean, even then, I don't know.
I think if she was, like, if she was.
Also, but trips to Japan are probably fucking, like, 10 grand, right?
I mean, it's probably a lot of money to get return flights.
I mean, I bet they're staying with family.
But they're staying with family, so they probably make it back.
Yeah.
It's probably pretty affordable.
But the putting over the top is, like, I worked two jobs to buy the place that you live in.
And I pay the maintenance fees and I did the down payment and I fix all the problems.
Like what does that do?
Bring the toilet paper?
He's the guy who shows up to the party with a 30 rack.
He shows up to the summer house with a 30 rack and be like, I can crash here all summer.
Fuck that, dude.
It is.
Yeah.
It would be one thing if it was a lot of um i can't think
of the word right now um not inappropriate but like just irresponsible spending yeah and yeah
yeah it was like yeah well you can't go on a vacation because you bought a fucking lamborghini
and you know you went on 10 other trips and you buy fucking shoes and you know you live above
your means but it's like she's working her fingers to the bone for a roof over your head
to replace the water heater
the plumbing issue
you get warm showers
at night because of me motherfucker
to just be like
it ain't my responsibility
it's on my job to pay for her to go on vacations
it's her job to pay for me to live
and guess what now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it's time.
This guy's got a good racket going.
Maybe it's time to start fucking putting that shoe on the other foot.
Start being like, all right, you know what?
I'll let you pay for me to live now for a while.
God, you know what I was thinking?
I haven't not paid for something in so long.
What do you mean? Like, so I went out to dinner the other night, and I paid,
and the girl I was with, like, she, I, like, you know,
was slick with the card.
She had planned on paying, and she was kind of mad about it.
And always in my case, I just, like, the offer is fine for me, you know?
But I was like, but goddamn, I have, and it's, I mean,
I'm talking about, like, paying for my kids and shit.
So it's stuff I have to pay for.
I'm not saying that. Things I go to jail if I have to pay for. I'm not saying that –
Things I go to jail if I don't pay for.
Things that I willingly brought into this world that I have to pay for.
But I was just like, fuck, I pay for so many goddamn things.
Just, I mean, the amount – everybody does this.
I'm not saying it's just a me thing.
It was just like, you know, I was at the grocery store.
Swipe.
I was at the – like I had to buy clothes for them.
Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.
Put it on my – you know, over the phone, put it on my card.
Everything's just like this little fucking card
gets run, dude
it's like, bills man
bills!
life is expensive, man
life sucks
I had so many people in my mentions with that little back and forth
with me and Dave, which sucks because
that was a funny back and forth
Dave, like I said, the rich boy, poor boy
thing that we've always done, which
has just gotten more and more realistic as time's gone on.
I'm talking about the Hyundai.
He's talking about, you know, you're an accountant.
It's like that's the characters, the real life.
But that's the fun of it.
And I got so many people being like, well, if you didn't get divorced, you wouldn't have
to do this and that.
And they're talking about things they don't know.
And it's like, well, you're just ruining this.
You're ruining all.
Yeah, I was having fun.
Yeah.
Now it's like, you know, now I have to sit here.
Now I want to reply to you and explain how alimony actually works. You dumb fucking ruining this. You're ruining all of this. Yeah, I was having fun this morning. Now I have to sit here.
Now I want to reply to you and explain how alimony actually works, you dumb fucking assholes.
Nobody has alimony anymore.
the real
answer is
no, it's just that
life is fucking expensive as shit.
Around here, at least.
If we got paid what we got paid,
what we should have done is
got the barstool salaries,
the East Coast salaries, and just moved to Ohio
and been like, we're going to record from here.
And just lived like goddamn pink.
Chappelle's neighbors?
Yeah, right. We'd be hanging out with Dave.
But it's like, yeah, around here,
if... Caitlin has a nice apartment other than that
pretty normal lives
and it's like hard to fucking keep up
I don't know how anybody is
you gotta be like Dave money to be really
like luxurious
to be like comfortable it's like fuck
you can't go out
like you just can't walk outside your house and spend less
than $100.
Yeah, just the cost of being out in public.
If you're going outside, bare minimum, you're spending $100.
Yeah.
Bare minimum.
If you're buying anything, if you're just going for a walk, that's the only way you don't spend money.
Otherwise, if you walk into a building, somehow, someway, you're paying $100.
There was a time, and this was a little while ago, so it was, I guess people probably would
have been quicker with a sick brag comment.
But I was like, yeah, I think I said something along the lines of, it's as regular as a $100
bar tab.
Right.
And people were like, whoa, look at John.
Every time he goes out, he spends $100 at the bar.
He drinks.
He's cool.
$100.
It's a round.
That's not even the night. That's like two martinis
and a nap.
As regulars. I think I still lived in
Boston at the time.
Boston, New York, doesn't really matter.
It's going to be $100 forever.
You can't go into a building
and not spend $100.
If you want to sit in your house and read, you can save money
that way. But if you want to go out and be in public...
I also, like, I guess
it all, to me, you know,
that more money, more problems shit really does make sense.
And like I've always said, when I was just an accountant
and splitting a little bit
of the Barstool money was when I was, like,
rolling in it, you know, because I had no bills.
Like, bills, in my experience,
if you go the traditional route and have,
get married, have kids, all that shit, your bills stack up faster than your money grows.
You know what I mean?
So that's not a sustainable fucking model at all.
But I remember there was a time where we would go out and there would be like a $500 bill because everybody was putting drinks on.
And I would just be the asshole.
I was like, I ain't got it.
And you guys get – this is pre-Venmo days, children, where it was like you just had to hope that the next time your friends would get the bill and they probably don't.
But that used to be – and I guess I've changed.
It's not bar bills anymore.
It's like tuition bills and things.
But like what used to be – I was like, oh, fuck.
It was $500 last night.
Now I'm like, it was only last night now i'm like it was only 500 that's like easy you know it's just life is fucking pricey dude all right back
to am i the asshole am i the asshole for distant oh this is a good one am i the asshole for
disinviting a co-worker for perpetually spoiling things almost every friday my co-workers and i go
out to get drinks and socialize, probably
for about $500.
More often than not, it's an open invitation for the entire office and even people outside
of our team will join.
We typically have a great time, but only when Logan, 20s male, doesn't show.
Logan means well, but is easily excitable and engages people in conversations they're
not interested in.
The worst of his behavior happens to do with spoiling movies, shows, games, etc.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I had tickets to see the new Mortal Kombat movie over the weekend.
Logan lit up and immediately responded,
you'll love the scene where spoiler happens and when spoiler shows up.
I was bummed and walked away without continuing the conversation.
Later that night, another co-worker went discussing a TV show that had episodes uh she was a few episodes behind him logan blurts out i can't
believe that beloved character dies in episode whatever number amy who had obviously not watched
it yet went silent and turned away logan laughed and said i just can't help it i get too excited
none of us were amused a few days later in our team only group chat someone brought up logan's
tendency to spoil things and admitted that they wish he weren't invited to things because of it multiple people agreed and began
to list everything logan had spoiled for them with this in mind i didn't add logan to the email
this guy wakes up every morning he chooses spoilers so yeah they you know they don't invite
him to anything uh uh uh he noticed he never got an invite and began to ask around. As I was the one who wrote the email, he eventually directed it to me.
Oh, it keeps going on and on, but I mean, you know, you get the point.
He pulled me aside.
He pulled me aside as I left for lunch, let me know I excluded him by mistake.
Rather than try to play it off, I told him the truth.
Logan was immediately defensive, claiming it's not his fault.
He, how about this?
I told him that
if he swore he'd be more conscious about
this habit, he could join us Friday.
He came, and lo and behold,
he spoiled the plot of another movie!
I wanted to say, I love this
guy! Out of frustration,
I called him a dick and told him, I'm so happy
I read the second slide here. Out of
frustration, I called him a dick and told him that this is exactly why no one socializes
with him.
He left soon.
And even though what I said was very,
uh,
was even though what I said was rude,
everyone was thinking it.
I felt like an asshole edit part one.
A few weeks ago,
we had lunch catered and everyone joined in the break room.
A coworker had brought a book to read.
Uh,
Logan saw the cover,
pulled up the Wikipedia and read the entire synopsis aloud,
including a big twist ending.
What?
I asked him why would he do that, and he responded, why not?
Edit number two, the book was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.
Okay.
I mean.
I started out on the sky side, and now, I mean, I don't know.
You can't be.
Bro, you gotta know if you can spoil Gone Girl.
You know what you can't spoil?
Mortal Kombat. you gotta know if you can spoil gone girl you know what you can't spoil mortal combat we know
like yeah the point was probably like you're gonna love the part when scorpion shows up and
kills sub-zero that's fucking mortal combat man it's like you know that's the fucking you know
the characters already you know what happens uh i we've been you know staunchly anti-spoiler culture where it's like my my you know my thing
has always been i do not cater my conversations my discussion my social life to your schedule
you haven't seen the episode yet fucking sorry man that's usually when we're talking about
social media and stuff if someone says to me oh i haven't seen it yet i'm not gonna just power
through and say it.
That's insanity.
We're talking about
live tweeting
Mayor of Easttown, basically.
Yeah.
That's what we get defensive about.
We talked about the dozen.
It was like,
can you live tweet
the episodes of the dozen?
It's like, yeah.
Because fucking watch it
and if not,
you stay off Twitter.
That's your problem.
You can't watch the show
when it airs.
If you are a person who's like,
I'm only on episode two
of Mayor of Easttown. Let me tell you about three about three i'm like can i tell you about four real quick
i wouldn't do that if someone says i'm reading a gone girl i agree is silly but it's like
i'm reading the book that was a massive motion picture that is on tbs every single slide if you
tell me i'm reading xyz book and i'm just like did you know she dies in the end wikipedia i mean
that is excessive that guy you you know what also this guy sucks in other ways so beyond spoilers
the guy who's like i can't help it i just get too excited if you're that way about ruining tv shows
for people you probably suck in many more ways too yeah this but i mean that was that was that
was un it's so bad i am i am kind of back on his
side again where i'm like just keep going spoil everything logan's got a thing it's just ruining
everyone's day you know you know what he needs to do next you know what he needs to do next he's
got to spoil uh baby genders he's got to find a co-worker and be like it's a girl i'm sorry i
thought you wanted to know break into her
doctor's office
I gotta keep this bit going
everyone knows Logan
so is bad news
imagine
see part of me almost wants to have that reputation
I got your
biopsy results
it's cancer
I'm so excited we've said many times before having news is always exciting Got your biopsy results. It's cancer!
I'm so excited.
We've said many times before, you know, having news is always exciting.
Being the guy to break the news, even if it's bad, you feel that power over someone, you know?
R.I.P. Tony Stark, you know?
The looking up of the, I can't decide which is worse.
The one, I think it's just being like, I mean, the Wikipedia one is obviously so insane No the Wikipedia one is crazy
But the Friday party after being told
You spoil another movie
That's lunacy
Also what do these people only talk about
Fucking movies and TV shows
Jesus Christ
I've seen all that shit
Yeah this guy I want to hang out with him
I kind of like Logan
I kind of want to hang out with Logan
I would very much enjoy talking to Logan Probably once I want to hang out with him. This guy, I kind of like Logan. I kind of want to hang out with Logan and spoil things for me.
I would very much enjoy talking to Logan probably once.
Yeah, one time only.
I just got to see it in action.
This is like an episode of a television show.
You got to write this down and flesh this out.
It's like a pilot.
The guy who only spoils things.
He's the greatest spoiler of all time.
All he does is spoil.
Imagine.
Logan the spoiler.
Logan spends his entire Mondayay through thursday evening
watching every movie just hoping not for the entertainment just hope to run into conversation
you know hoping at some point on friday night they'll bring it up i honestly think he might
be orchestrating this because we're like how could they possibly be talking about it i bet you he
walks in he's like have you seen mortal komb Kombat? Plants the seed. They start talking about it. He comes back around.
He dies in the end.
I mean, it's almost impossible to have so many opportunities.
Very subliminally lets him know.
He actually plans it all throughout the week at work.
Yes.
Have you seen Justin Willem, you know, that magician we've had on the show?
He does magic.
Where he does that thing where when you see the outtakes, he subliminally is mentioning.
I don't know if it's real or not.
So you haven't seen it.
So he says like,
think of an actor,
it's Tom Hanks.
And then they're like,
Oh my God,
it was.
And then they show the outtakes and they have like a 10 minute conversation where he's like,
yeah,
I'm from Philly.
Uh,
I'm from Philadelphia.
I grew up a little bit of a cast away,
but I,
um,
but then,
you know,
I went,
uh, but then I was a big fish in a small pond and it says all of these fucking titles of Tom
Hanks movies.
And he, you know, he'll tell you that it, it triggers you to think Tom Hanks.
What I think happens is you said, think of an actor and like nine times out of 10, you're
going to say Tom Hanks and you just cut out the ones that didn't say it.
And then you have a conversation where you subliminally drop all his titles but maybe that's what fucking logan does
here he just all spends all week talking about gone girl and all the shit all the things he can
spoil and then he's like now's my time my master plan has come together at happy hour where i ruin
lives that would be it's almost the story of someone who grew up with the kind of brain
that would birth
an evil villain. Yeah, I was gonna say he's a super
villain. But he's using his powers for like good.
He's just like not very
successful. That's almost
the opposite of the rock
skit on SNL.
Where all the evil villains are doing
relatively harmless things.
I haven't seen this one. Yes you have. Remember when the rock plays the evil villains are doing like relatively harmless things. I haven't seen this one. Yes, you have.
Remember when The Rock plays like the evil – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I killed children with a laser beam.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes.
They're like we shrink the Statue of Liberty.
Yeah, well, I went a different way with it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
He's the other guy.
He's like I'm just here to spoil your day a little bit.
That's great.
The most mundane evil villain of all time, Logan.
What's your superpower?
I spoil shows.
I love it.
I just know on Monday morning to start putting it into your head that we're going to watch Mortal Kombat at some point this week.
I'm going to tell you about it.
I will say, because part of the game here, when you play Am I the Asshole, one of the things of the game is you decide who and what and how much is the asshole I
will also say the guy who complains about getting
Mortal Kombat spoiled for you is an asshole yeah
because even like I said you basically know
the plot but even if if someone just
walked right to my face and spoiled that before I watched
it I'd be like well that's okay it's just Mortal Kombat yeah
I'll watch it anyway for the blood and the violence
I'm not watching it for the blood but I'm not watching it for the
nostalgia yeah I wasn't watching it for the
plot points
alright voicemail time it's brought to you by Craft Mayo I'm not watching it for the first time. I wasn't watching it for the plot points.
Alright, voicemail time.
It's brought to you by Craft Mayo.
I remember vividly the time
that I saw Mayo Man
eating that tub of mayo.
That is etched into my brain.
It's up there.
A bus, right?
There's a mayo eating going down
i thought there was i thought there was one like at a game though yeah i think it was at a baseball
game yeah he was just sitting in the crowd i think there's a couple in my mind there's the
popcorn guy who's like yeah yeah there's a guy eating the yes yeah sitting like all alone basically
but mayo guy just just with like a spatula just shoveling it in his mouth he was mayo man yeah
here he is mayo man i mean he was the face of mayo he's got a fucking like a spatula, just shoveling it in his mouth. He was Mayo Man. Yeah, here he is.
Mayo Man.
I mean, he was the face of Mayo.
He's got a fucking, like a, I don't even know what kind of device that is.
Look at him.
Just, ugh.
Just spoonfuls of mayo, like a goddamn king.
And now you can be the next face of Kraft Mayo.
Mayo Man is an open, the title is vacant.
And you can become the face of Mayo and get a Kraft Mayo Dorsment, which is just a great play on words that rolls off the tongue easily.
Mayo Dorsment, you can get $10,000 and become the face of Kraft Mayo everywhere.
I personally, I think we'll have to do – our next top five, we're going to do top five condiments.
Okay.
Because I think mayo is a serious contender for number one.
When you think about, obviously you can put it on a sandwich,
but you mix it with some ketchup and you got your Thousand Island.
You get your special sauce out of it.
You can put it in all sorts of other dips and cheese dips, cream cheese.
All these things have like a little bit of mayo in it.
It's not as versatile as I get, for sure.
It can play in any league. Yeah, it's the most versatile in the game i feel like uh it could be another one overall pick we'll find out next week find out on tuesday uh
but we'll also find out over the next uh few weeks who is going to be the next mayo man or woman
uh and who's going to win that craft mayo endorsement where you get the ten thousand
dollars and you become the face of mayo by submitting your video.
So you got to follow along on Twitter.
Follow at craft mayo.
And you follow – oh, real craft mayo.
Excuse me.
So follow at real craft mayo.
Submit your videos on TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram on why you should be the next face of craft mayonnaise.
Bring that passion, that originality, and personality,
and you can be the next mayo man and win that money.
So follow at Real Kraft Mayo and go get yourself some delicious Kraft Mayo.
Voicemails, let's go.
Would you rather be a young former president of the United States,
so you get elected at age 30, and now you're either 40 or 44, whatever,
if you want to be a two term president?
And you don't have to live through all the stress of actually being president,
but you get all the memories, you get all the secrets,
you get all the power and you get all the perks of being a former president,
like the secret service and going on book deals or whatever,
or be a 60 year old billionaire.
I don't think anyone's ever asked the question about the presidency with such little knowledge of the
presidency. Well, wait, wait, wait.
So wait, he was first of all saying
you're not like, you don't live the term
but you just get to pick up after the fact.
Is that what he's saying? Because he said you don't
live the stress of it. It's like, well, if you're the president, you live
the stress of it. So I'm assuming that we just get to like
snap our fingers and all of a sudden we become
a 44-year-old president, ex--president that's what he's saying yeah so but he said he said you
become president at 30 you gotta be 35 and then two-term president somehow gets you to 44 it's
40 or 44 so yeah i don't know so you so let's say you're 35 you Let's say you do two terms.
So you end up 43, right?
Yes.
So you get to be 43.
You get the Secret Service.
You get to do the book deals.
You get to be called Mr. President.
Probably do SNL a few times.
That's actually a cool thing, to somehow be president, ex-president.
Because I'm always like, who the fuck would want to be president?
But being ex-president is cool.
A young ex-president?
Because even look at George Bush. George Worge w is like dude was like a war
criminal and now all of a sudden he's like he's so cute yeah you know so when you get done with it
it's great so that's a cool thing like i would argue obama's got one of the best lives going
right absolutely like he's just he could shit into the microphone and chimes in when he wants
dollar fee yeah because then you also have if you just don't feel like talking about it anymore, you also
have that, like, we don't comment on former presidents.
You get that.
Our brethren is tight.
We don't comment on former presidents.
But when you do talk, it's like, whoa.
Right.
So when you want to write the book, you want to do the speech, you get your fee, you get
your money, all that shit.
So that's cool.
But the other one, I think you just said.
60-year-old billionaire? Oh, 60. Nah, pass. i'm definitely doing the president yeah okay 60s too much what about 50
50 year old billionaire probably gotta take that yeah because that's like dave
you know like in a few years dave will be pushing 50 and dave's still gonna be having a fucking
great life the yeah but i but also like i don't know like because then you're like 44. I don't know. 44 versus 60.
And you're a 60-year-old billionaire.
You're probably as young and healthy as 44.
But you can just do more.
I think you can make as much money as you want as a former president.
Probably.
It's easy.
And kind of what we were saying earlier is like once you have –
I really believe once you have enough money, you have enough money.
I was looking at Jacob deGrom's contract, right, which is fucking criminal, by the way,
and he's gonna opt out for sure and leave the Mets.
He makes, it's so weird,
he makes, like, this year he's making, like, 20.
Then he has, I think it's a pay cut
to, like, 18 and a half.
Then he goes up to, like, 30 and a half,
and then he goes to, like, 12.
Final year of his contract's, like, way down.
But the point, the reason he signed
that is because he's like, who cares if it goes up and down?
Because I have, you know, like, but like if you told me right now,
like you can make a million dollars two years from now,
but next year you have to take like a drastic pay cut.
I can't do that.
I need all the money.
But, you know, once you've crossed a threshold, it can go up,
it can go down as long as the number is right at the end of the day.
No big deal.
So I feel like once you, once you make your money, yeah once you i mean like a president can i i would guess speaking
engagements for presidents you're you're you're making at least a million dollars and that's when
you're a fucking 80 year old crusty asshole if you're a 44 year old i'm just gonna be good looking
dynamic clever funny you're like a stand-up i. I'd have a Netflix special as the next president.
Well, Obama has one.
Yeah, yeah, right, right, right.
I mean, yeah, that's big fucking money.
Obama's just living our life.
He just has more money.
Way better.
It's like I have a podcast and I have a Netflix thing.
And it's like, oh.
If Obama tries to do One Minute Man, I'm coming for that ass, bro.
Fuck. What do you think about, about like so like all those snl
people got all upset all the fucking people didn't like elon there are people who are like you know
he could end world hunger and i'm never a fan of like i don't know rich people just shouldn't have
to fucking fix all the problems of the world but when you got to 100 billion dollars you probably
should have to give some of that to people no yeah? Yeah, 200. Or I just, to me, or maybe you learn this along the way when you're rich that people are never satisfied.
It's like, I think he or Bezos donated like $150 million to someone and they were like, you're a cheapskate.
Well, that was different.
Like, I believe it's Bezos you're talking about.
And he had like very strict restrictions on how it could be spent, where it can be spent, how long it has to sit.
But like I think – and we might be talking about the same thing.
We might not be because I'm not as knowledgeable in it.
But like I remember looking at it and being like, oh, this is actually pretty scumbag because like it's got to be kept in an account that like he gets a dividends for.
So he's going to end up making money off it.
Well, I don't know.
Okay.
But see, these are the things that you think about where it's like, I'm going to give you $150 million, but you can't possibly spend that $150 million all at once.
So if it's going to sit in an account, I get to collect the interest on that or something.
I don't know.
That's the craziest thing in the world.
No, you're probably right.
You still get your $150 million.
I'm just going to make $250
off it.
That's how you get to be a $200 billionaire.
They were saying his new mega guy he just built.
I actually feel bad about that
because he paid for that
five years ago in the peak of
luxury time. I think people are
killing him right now.
It's created and completed
and being given to him oh really oh really in the middle of this time he's like i paid for it five
years ago the world was i didn't know the pandemic right which does kind of suck but yeah that thing
is 400 fucking feet long or 400 yards long or some shit it has a second yacht yeah yeah it's crazy
it has a second yo dog i heard you like yacht so we put a yacht inside your yacht. It's in my yacht.
It literally has a second yacht because I don't know if they forgot to design it or
if it just didn't really fit the aesthetic of their other super yacht, but it didn't
have a helipad.
And his wife, right?
Or girlfriend?
Well, no, no.
Rosalyn Sanchez or Rosalyn something.
Lauren Sanchez.
I believe that's the one that was referenced in this.
She was like, well,
where's our helicopter going to go?
And he's like,
you can fuck.
You're right.
We got to get on a yacht.
And then that yacht just follows around.
It's got to land the helicopter.
So you got to like land your helicopter on your yacht.
Take a shuttle to your yacht.
Yeah.
Shuttle back to the yacht to get on the helicopter to go home.
Amazing.
And it is.
And it all costs.
It was if,
if in,
in $50,000 a year money, it cost $130 a day.
No way.
Yeah.
It was like someone who makes $50,000 a year.
Those things blow my mind, you know?
We were just talking about how hard it is.
If you walk into a building, you have to spend $100.
Yes.
So Bezos walked into a building and bought a mega yacht.
Right.
It didn't have six beers.
He just went shopping.
See, what I can't believe.
So that makes sense, right?
But doesn't Conor McGregor have like a $100 million yacht?
I'm trying to find it now.
I'm pretty sure Conor McGregor has a super yacht that's like...
I don't think he has that kind of money, does he?
You're not...
Does he own it or is he like...
I'm guessing like he goes on it.
Because yeah, there's definitely been a picture of him on some kind of yacht like that.
But also he did...
Conor McGregor owns a 300-foot Lamborghini super yacht.
Owns, it says.
I'm not seeing a price here on this, but like...
They're actually...
Conor McGregor yacht, built by Neorian,
the Moonlight 2...
Oh, okay.
He rents it.
He doesn't own this thing.
It goes for $784,000 per week.
But that makes sense,
because that means, you know,
probably a couple weeks a year,
he goes out on this thing and spends like $1.whatever million dollars.
And that's it.
He has a million dollar vacation.
Yeah, he does it whenever he likes.
Owning Super Yass is reserved for the billionaires.
Because you just can't – boats aren't that fun.
No.
Boats are fun for –
Well, those boats are probably fun.
Because those boats are like –
But even like you're just not near anything.
You don't need to be, John.
Everything you need is on the fucking boat.
No, I need access to like
a bar.
There's a bar on there.
I know, but it's not the bar.
I want to go to a different bar.
I want the ability to go to a different bar.
There's probably multiple bars.
You can go bar hopping on the Megayacht.
There's probably a fucking Irish pub
with sawdust on the floor
and someone puking in the corner, because
that's what Jeff Bezos wants. And then you can go to
the club, and then you can go to the coffee shop,
and you can go to the hipster bar, all within the
first, like, quarter of the mega yacht.
You're probably right, and guess, and if
that doesn't exist, the helicopter
provides pretty good access to
new bars.
But, like, yes, mega yachts are a
different thing, but I don't know
I like
I don't like
I don't like being on fucking
I'm actually with you
Like being on a cruise ship
Is kind of like
But again
Even like when I'm on
Like a friend's nice boat
And like you know
Obviously when I'm talking
Mega yachts I don't like that
But like
There's all the beers
There's all the food I want
I'm like
I'm also just like
I don't know
I'm kind of just tired
Of being on this one
Yes
I need to move
Yeah I just
I want the
You know what
You know what boats need more of
Like couches You know You're not like i can like the thing i can do for an extended period of time
is sit on a couch and watch tv and boats often have like seats and those kind of like you know
little pads on i need a fucking couch on my mega yacht they have they're just like they have just
this implication to them where you always
kind of feel like
I am not in control of my own destiny
right now
if I get sick, if I get tired, if I get bored
if something goes wrong, I'm like stuck
in the middle of the fucking water
you know what you have? The helicopter
so you can get the fuck out of there real quick
and it's different when it's your boat
but I've never been on my boat
because I don't have a boat yeah so like i'm always just like i'm completely at your will
yeah like i'm i can't really make you go in because you invited me out on this yeah i mean
i've done that like i'm miserable so just sit out here i've gone on my bro my brother-in-law's boat
and he's like a big time fisherman and loves being on the water and i like to like go out do a loop
like get some you know sun feel the salt the salt water in my face and then like go home yeah but
they like to go out and stay out so i'm like i guess i gotta commit to like four and a half
hours out there yeah i'm with you on that yeah that's like but also again you know if it's like
well just just dispense the little yacht to take me away yeah then it's not so bad out of here all
right last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Lightboxer. Johnny Lightboxer over here.
The dude is throwing these hands.
He's playing Simon Says.
He's busting through the fucking wall. I'm even wearing a shirt like a boxer right now.
You are.
You must be hot.
Today is pretty good.
Yeah, it tastes pretty fine.
It's not that bad.
I'm not sweating profusely today.
Yeah, you do look like a guy.
You look like Rocky.
He's going to go punch fucking meat hanging from the ceiling.
Don't punch me.
I punch high tech.
That's it.
Oh, that's right.
I'm not punching meats.
I'm punching light boxer because that's the new punch,
what do they call it, like boxing equipment,
punching equipment that it lights up so you kind of follow the pattern.
You punch, and like I said, kind of playing like Simon Says,
and then it tracks your power.
The app is really great, too.
You create a profile.
It has your workouts.
It has your progress.
Really easy, intuitive-to-use app that explains what you're doing, what's next, how to punch, how fast you're doing it, how hard you're doing it.
And it follows every move.
So accuracy, power, good hits.
There's music that has choreographed training classes and challenges.
It's arguably the most fun I've ever had
working out. Really? I genuinely
believe that. I genuinely mean that.
And I've liked a lot of workout things. I really like
the jump ropes and stuff.
I like a workout
that is not
You have ADD.
This is like
the workout for ADD. This is like a cat.
Or it's like And they's grab, grab, grab.
And then they're like, Garrett, get off the platform.
Now you're doing push-ups.
And it's like, all right, we'll do that too.
Got it, got it.
It is also, you play the music.
It's got Bieber and Nicki Minaj and all these people.
Oh, great artists.
You're playing the music.
I tend to live in the punk rock realm.
My girl Mary.
But it is fucking fun.
It's also crazy easy to set up.
I thought it was going to be a real pain in the ass to set up.
It is a little intimidating looking.
It took 15 minutes to set up.
It's easy.
You fucking go.
What's good, too, is that you don't have to be like a boxer.
You don't have to be like, I trained before.
I know how to punch.
You can use this as a complete novice.
For sure.
It just lights up, and you punch it.
And then you'll get better at it, and it teaches you and tells you what to do based on the app and the progress so you'll learn how to
but you don't have to be like a an mma guy or a boxer or anything i was not like you know i'd i'd
done maybe three months of boxing in my life at various points so i was and when he says that he
means like he's just knocked out a couple people at a bar before go Go to lightboxer.com, L-I-T-E, boxer.com, slash KFC.
Get $100 off your purchase.
It's the best workout you can get at home,
whether you put on a pair of gloves before or not.
Lightboxer.com, slash KFC to get $100 off your Lightboxer purchase.
Last one.
What do we got, Nick?
Hey, what up, Kev?
Hi, it's Puerto Rican Puff Daddy.
I'm just thinking here, I put like eight golf balls in the drink today.
So how many people do you think have been dropped in the ocean?
I'm going back to the Viking Age, the old fashion days, and I'm thinking like pirates and all that shit.
Mossad even threw like Nazi, Nazi-tellers and shit there. I'm going to say, like, 10 billion?
10 billion people overall in the world are been brought here.
10 billion people have been dropped in the ocean?
Billion.
Billion, he said, with a B.
That's a crazy high number.
10?
I think this is a very specific thing.
10,000 rotting corpses in Davy Jones' locker.
I'm sorry, 10 billion.
I was going to say 10,000.
I feel like that might be low.
That's low.
But this is a very specific thing, this dropped into the ocean.
If you said drowned in the ocean, is that what he means?
No.
He means like we tied your feet to bricks and we threw you in the ocean.
Yes.
That is at least how I understand it. I don't think that's that high what i don't think that
number's that high oh no nor do i i think it's higher than 10 000 but like we're talking like
how many people did the pirates make walk the plank right and then we're talking well that's
where that's the peak yeah because then like modern days it's like the mafia dropping you
in like the hudson river if that counts ocean versus water. Let's just say water. I think the Hudson River.
I think the old school pirates making you
walk the plank is the heyday
for dropping people in the ocean.
Well, we did what we did to
Osama.
He was already dead.
He was dead, but we also knew
that was a whole thing.
That we just threw his body off for some
crazy, inexplicable reason.
It actually does make sense.
They just didn't want his grave to
be used as like a
religious site. I'm not saying
Homeboy should have got a fucking nice headstone.
I think that like the government
would like want that.
Keep it in like a fucking locker in like the
CIA. I think
the only reasons for it were like they didn't
want it to be like glorified.
And they're just like, look, let's get rid of it.
That I actually do understand, but I also
could see another side of things where it's like, you know,
there's the drawer with the JFK fucking like
you know, who killed him and then the drawer with his
body. That just seems like something
you gotta make sure, you know.
John Belushi is buried in a...
You know what I would be like?
Like, I would be like I would worry
I'm surprised that they weren't like
He's not dead
And they just have some guy who fucking looks just like him
No he's still alive
And then we'd have to be like
Nope look at the fucking body
We got the proof right here
John Belushi's what?
His grave is in
John Belushi's buried at Martha's Vineyard
And like his grave is usually like
Like his grave is just never not covered in beer cans.
Beer bottles.
Beer and cigarettes.
But that's appropriate.
Jim Belushi.
How about Jim Belushi's got that gas?
One of the funniest internet developments is that Jim Belushi is a great weed dealer.
And that's the line, right?
I thought he just tweeted like Jim's got that.
He's actually successful.
I thought that meant he was just like in on the cannabis.
Oh, that's what I think it is.
Yeah, I thought he tweeted like Jim Belushi's got that gas and I thought it meant he has like a strand of weed and he's like in on the legal cannabis and all that.
That's what I think so.
And I think Dan Aykroyd too.
Really?
Dan Aykroyd like does shit with him and like they love that weed, man.
All right, final answer though. Final weed, man. Uh, all right.
Final answer though.
Final answer.
I'm just going to Google.
I'm just going to see if I can Google like how many do the pirate thing.
How many people have the pirates executed by walking the plank?
By the way,
it's estimated about only 107 billion people have ever lived.
So that's about 10%.
I was thinking that I was like,
how many people have lived to have 10 billion of them be dead by a very
specific thing.
And even I said, if you, if said if you include drownings, drowned people, that probably goes way up.
But even that, I think when you drown, usually they pull your body – like they find your body.
So to just have bodies at the bottom of the ocean?
Pirates rarely made people walk the planet.
OK.
So there's like 60 people.
There's like – the mafia threw a couple people in when you sleep with the fishes, and that's about it.
Yeah, it is –
Walking the plank is definitely –
For thousands of years, pirates of various sorts have preyed on us and shipped to sea.
Their exploits have been documented by blah, blah, blah.
Actually, there's a thing on Netflix right now about piracy, and I think it's – I think the preview I saw for it, I didn't watch it, but the little Netflix preview said that they actually had like a real code of honor and it wasn't like savagery.
It was not like we kill you and fucking – it's not like we fuck you and kill you and we rape and pillage.
It was kind of like we have our own code of the seas.
Pirates did make people walk the plank every now and then, but historical records seem to indicate the practice was extremely rare.
In fact,
pirates preferred not to kill their victims. If they gained their reputation for killing everyone on board of every ship they took,
crew members would simply fight to the death
every time a crew of pirates hopped on deck.
That would be an awful lot of work
for the pirates. I think it was a business. I think it was like,
listen, we're here and we're taking over your ship,
but if you work for us, what do you
care for? You work for this captain, you work for that captain.
So I'm going to say final answer, $10,000.
And maybe even lower.
I think I'm going to go under on $10,000, not way lower.
But even $10,000, I'm going five.
Yeah, I mean, it's a fucking weird thing.
This number could be in the hundreds.
Dropped in the ocean.
$10 billion, he said.
That's one of the worst answers we've ever had.
One of the worst answers we've ever had.
I expect a girl to answer that, not a guy.
That is way off.
And are we counting even the mafia stuff?
That's, like, probably happened once.
They were, but they were already dead.
Like, he said, like, dropped in the ocean.
Well, I think they used to put the bricks on your feet
when you were alive in Tulsa. Oh, think so but i think that was like you know
that's probably a from a movie that wasn't real and b if it was it was like one time you know
yeah yeah that's seven people seven people have been dropped in the ocean to their death
uh all right that's it for us uh make sure you go subscribe to. Oh, real quick. I got sent these shoes from a dude named Sean.
I do know his name is Sean.
That's it, though.
And I can't remember his Instagram handle.
I know he's Sean.
It's something like Sean Holio.
Sean something like Cornholio.
Sean Holio.
These are an unbelievable pair of sneakers that are worth like $500.
And he just sent them to me because he's the fucking man.
But I can't remember his Instagram handle and I can't
search and find it so
Sean DM me I would like to thank you for these
sneakers and also while you're at
it everyone subscribe to our YouTube channels
and rate review subscribe on the
on the podcast and
because if not
my grandma's gonna die tomorrow I'm out of here. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.