KFC Radio - Introducing Call Backs, Top 5 Luxuries That Are Worth The Money, and Dream Road Trip Crew

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, rate 5 stars, and leave a review. We kick it off talking about the people stuck in quarantine as Psytrance festival, a couple that was stuck on their honeymoon, and Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari's breakup. Kev's started watching Better Call Saul Season 4. Is it ok to watch a recap of the first 3 seasons of a show if they're boring? We rank the top 5 things that are worth the extra money. Introducing Call Backs where we'll find our best voicemails and call the person back to answer questions. If there are any voicemails you want us to call back, rate 5 stars and leave a review with your recommendation. Today's callback is last week's voicemail about a woman who tried to get in and out of a guys apartment in record time. (01:05:27) Voicemails today include asking for a new christmas present, the dream road trip crew, and hooking up with a snake person.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We are into week six of quarantine here. And as more and more personal stories and personal tales of quarantine comes out, I think we've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of coronavirus lockdown. And I think that what some might view as a good thing, I think would be our absolute nightmare of a quarantine. And it's the blog that you wrote earlier today with this entire island of hippies in Panama stuck at the Psy Trance

Festival. Oh, just that combination of words makes me want to puke. Dude, I watched the video. I'm trying to find a place to sit. I watched the documentary about it. It is like

a college quad from hell. In college, at least the hippies are still kind of hot, right? Where it is like uh it's like a college quad from hell like even in college at least the hippies are still kind of hot right where it's like you know you you still have your youth your body you have uh i don't know fucking the the they're not always clumped together you can see you have access to showers this is this is like it's a college quad except it takes out even the the very few good parts of a college quad they don't have frisbees here it was just a dude there looked like there was one scene where they were all fucking marching around some fire pit and everyone was like gaunt it looked like if if i was schwitz was in the Caribbean. Like, it looks like... No!

Coming in hot! I mean, look, it's just the body types. We have body types of people who haven't been eating and just, I don't know, it just looks bad. My first thought, and I'm just being honest here, my first thought when I saw it was,

looks like you're in a concentration camp. That's what's also to be fair that might not be that might not be uh corona island uh quarantine related that just is kind of the standard hippie body type yeah that's just how they work because they're all like vegans or you know they they eat sunlight or whatever the fucking new the new crazes uh but this definitely feels this feels to me more like like a real life fire fest where like not the fire fest wasn't real but it was like they were they were trapped there for a little bit and you know it was more about like how the festival was a scam this is just like you're stuck on a on an island or panama whatever and uh and they're i mean what, what's stopping them?

There's just like no flights out. There's no travel out. The Panamanian government is involved. The military is on site now. And they're like keeping them there. It's fucking, it looks awful. But the concert's still trying to go on. So there's still a DJ up there.

And it's like, it's a bunch of people who look like they're they have the enthusiasm of someone at like a local performer at a children's birthday and like the past like trying to get in it only there aren't kids there and these people are just sitting there like wish i lived a fucking normal life and had goddamn kids and i was an accountant in cincinnati like my dad told me to do this sounds like uh this sounds like big jay okerson in the winnie the pooh outfit just like okay here i am entertaining one of the guys was like when it first started we were worried about we're gonna have cleaning products and food like dude you're in a fucking psy-trans, whatever that means.

You need acid and that's it. Yeah. I don't have too much sympathy for them because it's not like they signed up for some like cushy five-star spa treatment. You went to a place called psy-trans in Panama. I'm surprised they even know something's going on. I feel like this is like, yeah, this is just like we stayed a little bit longer than we were supposed to. I think it they even know something's going on. I feel like this is just like we stayed a little bit longer than we were supposed to. I think it took it a little while.

I think it was like, I think the concert was supposed to start or at least some employees got there like March 10th. And I think on March 15th, they were like, hey, what's up out there in the world? What's going on here? It's fucking it's the acid. Again, I don't know much about side trance i

imagine acid is the glue that holds together the belief that you're having a good time like without without acid i feel like the whole the whole charade just evaporates right i mean i'm in my underwear on in jungle. Like this isn't sweet. Yeah. I could imagine the comedown from like a festival weekend at Psy Trance when the acid trip ends is like the ultimate Sunday scaries. Just going back to the regular world. And when I say like, most of the time it's like, oh, you know, when you come back from your Caribbean vacation, you have to go back to quote unquote, the real world. I am talking about your brain returning from the alternate dimension that it was in. You are now coming back to the real world, and that has got to be a bitch.

No thanks. You're stuck in tents with no showers. You're like, oh, this is not how I – you ever go back somewhere where you went, this was a blast, but you were fucked up? Can't remember. Oh, it sucks. Can't remember. That is only – but now it's your life and you can't escape it. We tried a couple times when I lived in Hoboken.

We did – when I first moved to Hoboken and we did Hoboken St. Pat's. That was the first Saturday in March. We wake up at 6 a.m. We start boozing, greatest thing ever. And we all had the bright idea in like June to try it again. We just picked a randomm. We start boozing. Greatest thing ever. We all had the bright idea in June to try it again. We just picked a random Saturday. We were like, why don't we do this all the time? You can't. You can't

recapture those things. It has to be spur of the moment because when you come back to reality, it is as painful as it gets. It's the polar opposite of the we never talked about the couple in the Maldives. They had it made, although they were going broke. Did you ever hear about this couple?

No. They were on their honeymoon in the Maldives. That's where you get those huts over the water, and it's like completely isolated. You live in the water hut, and they bring you all your meals. They bring you everything. And they were safe but stupid. They went on their honeymoon like pretty late, but it was before there was any bans or anything like that. And they were debating like cutting it short and getting out of town. They were told it would be okay.

And then all of a sudden South Africa shut it down and said we are no longer doing any flights. That's where they're from, South Africa. And they were the last people at the resort, but the resort has a rule that as long as there's any buddy as a guest, the entire staff has to stay, which kind of sounds ridiculous. Like given the circumstances, I think you can change the rules, but they didn't. And so they gave them a discounted rate, but they were still just racking up like nightly fees. And they were like, we're going to go broke doing this, but we don't have a choice right now. So we're just making the best of it. And they had the entire staff, the chefs, the like the party people, like they were refilling their drinks, playing music, cooking them meals.

And the staff said that they all wanted like stuff to do because otherwise they were just standing around. So they were happy to do it. And they were just on this extended honeymoon. The only people in the Maldives just getting waited on hand and foot living in their hut, just fucking and living in the lap of luxury for an extra like two weeks. Yeah, but those things like kind of like this side trance thing, those like connecting with nature and living in the hot and being one with the earth things those those spoil quick oh yeah you can't go on vacations like that because then if something crazy happens like a worldwide pandemic and you're you know hugging mother earth it's nice for three days it pretty quickly you realize this is just a needy bitch, and I don't want to be around her anymore.

Although I would say that literally the safest place on earth to be in a pandemic is the isolated islands of the Maldives. I don't think anybody in the Maldives had it because it's so secluded. That whole hut thing to me, it looks awesome. And I think I would love it for like one night like when you're those huts that literally the stilts are in the water and you're probably laying down at night and you can like hear the the water lapping up against the wood and it's like peaceful and quiet awesome amazing incredible like way to disconnect yeah and you're on your honeymoon you fuck your wife and you just soak in whatever and then like after maybe 36 hours they'd be like i want to go on twitter i want to watch tv

i want to get like mcdonald's i don't i don't need to eat this like freshly prepared fish that you just caught from underneath my house every night so i can see it being cool but not not for like a two-week thing and certainly not for like an extended month and a half or whatever it was. Nothing is cool for two weeks. Nothing. There's no thing in the world that's like every day for two weeks you're going to wake up and be excited for it. Spontaneity is what you need. That's the variety, all that stuff. If you're just like, oh, it's the same fucking day.

It doesn't matter if you're in paradise. It's the same fucking thing. I'd rather just be on a couch. We did Italy and Greece for my honeymoon and two weeks. And that broke it up. So it was like first week Italy, second week Greece. And we bounced around a little bit. So there was always something new. But by the end of it, I was like, I want to... And I was going back to my shitty life, but I was like, I want to get home. I need to be back in my apartment where I have bad water pressure, you know the the radiator doesn't work where all that shit because i just

can't be in fake life away from everything for that long it just doesn't work the uh the the cutler cavallari family was doing that uh in the bahamas where they were claiming they were like stuck and the whole world was like uh i think you're just soaking in an extra vacation. And I feel like it would only be logical to guess that something hit the fan there. But R.I.P. to one of the greatest celebrity couples ever. Really, this one cuts deep. This was one of those love is dead moments for me. It was one of those, also like it's one of those

you go back and you're like hindsight 2020 it's like oh all those times Jay was incredibly disinterested and we thought it was hilarious I know I know might have seen this one coming like Jay got famous on reality TV for not giving a shit about what his wife said I mean

once you have to spend 24 and I get it and it's hilarious a lot hilarious. I love Jay, but like, if you spend 24 days with someone or 28 days, however long, and you're not really interested in them, it becomes pretty clear pretty quick. How about 10 years of him being like,

I don't give a shit about your friends, your company, your clothes, your makeup, your hair. I don't fucking care. I mean, the dude's, the dude's catchphrase is don't care not exactly a recipe for uh women loving it the it's like uh that but also like with celebrity couples i feel like we're going to see a lot a lot of celebrity

breakups in in uh quarantine because a lot of couple breakups, period. Yeah, of course. But like a celebrity couple, even to a higher extent, because even, especially like when you're not in quarantine, you're not together that often. You're off filming movies, you're off playing

chores, you're off like, you are together, you know, obviously I'm not in a celebrity relationship, but I feel like you're together. It's, you know, obviously I'm not in a celebrity relationship, but I feel like you're together a lot less than a regular relationship. So when something is kind of businessy, at least there's a hint of business in every, I think there are celebrities who are genuinely fall in love, no doubt,

but there's always a little part of like, well, this would be good for the brand. I feel like that's at least a thought. And then when you don't spend any time together and then when you you finally, you're like, oh, the brand is not worth this. I'll go be an accountant in Cincinnati with that guy from the Psytrance Festival. That's why when people think of, when they say love is dead or whatever, like I just jokingly did, you cannot compare your relationship to a celebrity relationship in any way, shape or form because it is just not even remotely close to real life.

And I think they tried to I think both ways. I think that like Jay Cutler was probably sitting around being like, oh, my God, this is what it's like for you guys. Like every day you're with your wife all the time. Like I'm coming out of retirement because of quarantine i'm gonna get i'm gonna put the pads back on my life at risk again just to get away because this is crazy town r.i.p to uh i mean cutler is a a ksc radio and barstool legend who uh i mean yeah he's like the reason why we loved him is probably the reason why his significant other would not. It's a shame and a shock to learn that

relationships where you mail your wife the engagement ring are batting zero. They clarified that story where it was like she picked it out and all that, but it's still hilarious. I just mailed it. You were in Europe. I just mailed you the wedding ring or the engagement ring. I mean, they clarified that story where it was like she picked it out and all that, but it's still hilarious. You were in Europe. I just mailed you the wedding ring or the engagement ring.

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We were saying last week how we actually haven't been doing all the things that we kind of expected to do during quarantine, and I finally got back on the TV horse in the form of a show that I think is very interesting. So we're going to do a little throwback Barstool DVR here to talk about a couple TV shows that neither of us have watched, actually, but I think are fascinating in the world of TV. I'm finally diving in to Better Call Saul. And when I say diving in, I mean I'm taking the shortcut.

I'm taking the easy way out, the Cliff Notes version. And I just watched a recap, 10 minutes with the cast of Better Call Saul recapping the first three seasons. All I've seen on Twitter recently are people saying how great season five of Better Call Saul was, how it's better than Breaking Bad, how everybody who jumps ship is an idiot and how everyone who kept up has been rewarded with a better Vince Gilligan show than Breaking Bad. And I just can't stand all that talk. And so I decided to dive in, but I'm not watching three seasons of what everybody seems to admit is mediocre television. I'm not doing it. i cannot waste 30 hours in front of the tv when there's plenty of shit to watch plenty of classics i could always dive into new shit funny

reality stuff just a million different things i could watch right now other than slow ass jimmy mcgill and his dumb brother wrapped up in fucking tinfoil. But I find it to be a very fascinating piece of... I heard everyone say for seasons of that, in season two, this is the greatest character development ever. They're saying my life is the greatest character development. Well, it took 30 fucking years!

Why? You want to watch it? If you have forever, then yes, you can do great character development you're just watching someone like character development has to happen in a vacuum it can't happen in real time you need to great character development happens and interestingly but it happens in a manner that understands the aspect of fucking time and sitting down and watching a television reality yes yeah i mean think about uh you know if you watch a movie a one-time two-hour movie you can have great character

development there are people who are like oh man the beginning of that movie and the end of that movie the character developed so much that was one sitting so you don't need to have it be you know actual real-time years of development but i i i I, I just, it's fascinating. Cause it's like, I don't deny that. Maybe we'll find out. I'm going to, I'm going to get there soon enough. And it sounds like season five is Gus Fring and, and coming, you know, meeting, uh, Walter White and bringing it like back to the modern day Breaking Bad. I'm sure that's awesome. But like where, what's like the line between acceptable amounts of like put up with it? Because there's a reason why 90, it felt like 90% of people fell off on Breaking Bad. And maybe that's exaggerating because it sounds like there's also

a lot of people talking now on Twitter that they stuck with it. But even the people who like it will tell me, yeah, the first like three seasons are not that good. White Sox Dave was like, he sounds like a diehard fan. He was like, you don't need to watch the first three seasons. It can't be that good, right? Like where is the acceptable amount of like tolerate? Because people throw out the buzzwords it's a slow burn it's character development it's uh you know it's it's like it's not immediate satisfaction you need

to you need to be patient i get all that and i've watched plenty of shows that do that but there's a reason why me you and a ton of other people who really really like television gave up on break on better call saw like years ago something happened right yeah i still who really, really like television gave up on Better Call Saul like years ago. Something happened, right? Yeah, I still lived in Boston when I gave up on it. So that way. Right. I mean that's a long time ago.

For me, I know the Chuck McGill allergic to electricity. People tell me that that ended up being so much different than it really was and that he ended up being a good character. I'm like, fine, that may be true. But episode after episode of this dude afraid of light bulbs just was not doing it for me. So, you know, I think, and people also say to me, you know, I thought, how could you be a Vince Gilligan fan and not like better call Saul? I'm not one of these people that just blanketly likes everything that someone does. I loved breaking bad that show that he did on CBS after breaking bad ended.

That show sucked. What was that one? Um, yeah, exactly. It was like, it was like, uh,

um, let me, it was two words. Um, it was, you know, a cop show that that just was not good at all. And I remember Battle Creek. Do you remember that at all?

No recollection whatsoever. Right. I mean, it was like right after Breaking Bad ended. When you had – You still like Vince Gilligan. People for some reason say Breaking Bad was a slow burn. That is completely false. That's one of the

worst narratives that have happened out of television. People are like, when does Breaking Bad get exciting? In episode two, they're killing people. I never felt that. It starts off with the gun and the, my name is Walter White,

this is not an admission of guilt, yada, yada, yada. I don't know if it's episode one or two where they end up killing all those guys with the poison gas, but, like, pretty quickly, was it 8-Ball? What was his name? I mean, yeah, there was 8-Ball and Tuco. I mean,

I don't remember who was who, but yeah. I think it was 8-Ball who they had to put in the basement. But, like, they kill his guys. Like, episode one or two, and then try and, like, dissolve the body. And that's fucking – that is not a slow burn. Yeah. Very quickly. When Jesse gets, like, covered in the body because it falls through the fucking bathtub.

Right. And, I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's just me. I remember watching Breaking Bad in real time. I never once was like oh i gotta stick it out through this and yeah people who ask me like when does breaking bad get good if it's a show that i that i think was amazing and you're saying that to me it's just not for you don't watch it i'm not gonna be offended people who take it personally like why don't

you like this show if you're bored by this then somebody said to me recently i think they were like when does always sunny get funny and i was like brother if you are laughing at that show right off the bat totally fine i don't i don't understand your sense of humor but that show is just not for you because it gets funny immediately and i thought breaking bad was good immediately and i think that uh maybe better call saul was a a victim of its of of how good we know it can be like if i go into a show that's that's the development of a lawyer from like a good lawyer to a criminal lawyer that's interesting when i know that eventually we're going to be talking about drug cartels and and death and murder and all that shit. And we're busy talking about the ins and outs of a law firm.

I'm like, come on. Fucking go, dude. So maybe it was a victim. Give me Gus Fring. Give me Mike Ehrmantraut. And even right now. So I'm only a couple. I'm probably like four or five episodes into season four after cutting through season three.

And I've been told that the other non-Breaking Bad characters will get better. But I have never seen a show that's a clear divide. And I've been told that the other non-Breaking Bad characters will get better. But I have never seen a show that's a clear divide. Like when the McGill characters are on the screen, it's a fucking snooze fest. And then they cut to Gus Fring. They cut to Don Eladio and Don Juan and the Salamancas. The twins are back. It's awesome. You're giving me Breaking Bad.

But half the show is just not that. They say Raya Seaborn, right? Who's that? Raya Seaborn? Okay, we're good. Raya Seaborn, she's the blonde girl. Oh, yeah, okay. So I guess she gets awesome at one point?

Yeah, I've seen a lot of praise for her being one of the greatest characters in television history, they said. And that might be the case but boy did it take a long fucking time to get there so i and i'm not like i i will fully admit that when i sit down i'm being i'm going into it like i don't have an open mind because i'm kind of like i'm very skeptical of the show i find it very interesting how good it can be but also how boring it can be and i think it's just like an interesting case study for prequels and all and the like where it's like uh you know what's why why even bother why not just get right into saul goodman and how much development is too too much development and all that shit so but people would take it like

super personal like they wrote better call saul who can't admit like i mean yeah it's it's slow and slow is not like always good no slow is not always good slow sometimes just fucking i don't know it goes through if i stuck if i stayed on i would 1000 be a uh i stuck it out yeah yeah it's a slow burn you right but guess what i didn't stay on so now i'm saying skip the middle shit i am right now with with the wire the wire has not grabbed me and i'm scared to say it because i'm like almost done with season one it's i started at the beginning of quarantine and i'm almost done with season one that usually season one usually takes me fucking three days yeah that ain't good that's not a good sign. That's why – I mean I just wish we could – people get so passionate about TV the way they almost do about sports. So it's very hard to have like a level-headed discussion.

But there's something about these shows. Like The Wire, when you haven't seen it and you try to go back, it doesn't seem to grasp people on a big scale. Individually, some people like it. But something about it holds you try to go back, it doesn't seem to grasp people on a big scale. Individually, some people like it, but something about it holds you back. Something about Better Call Saul kind of sucks in the beginning. Something about these shows that just, like I'd love a Sepp and Wahl person or somebody to dig into it and be like, pinpoint what the reasoning is, because it's just, it's obviously there's something it's not just that like oh people you know you don't you don't appreciate good tv i do there's something about this show that doesn't capture you i don't know what it is yeah and you feel like such an idiot

when you're like when it is like universally considered like top five show of all time why isn't it good right i know you feel bad about myself but what's wrong with your taste john right bullshit taste i've liked all the other shows everyone likes but for some reason this was just not hit not there yeah last night uh was the series finale of homeland portnoy told me he he dove back in last he watched the marathon yesterday the whole season and then and watched the finale last night and he said you don't need any of the middle seasons. They just kind of cut the bullshit, went right back to what made Homeland Homeland.

It's all CIA stuff, no Dana, no family shit, and he swears that it got back to old school Homeland, which season one of Homeland I'll put up against any TV show ever. And even the first couple seasons, eventually once they – the problem was they thought they were going to kill Brody, had a hit on their hands, didn't kill Brody, and then were kind of like, what the fuck do we do? And you could tell in the writing that they were like, shit.

But the first initial season and a couple seasons, they knocked out of the park. And if season – I guess it's season like eight by now, if that final season is anything like the early ones it can't be uh it it i'll watch anything you can be and so i i honestly didn't know i saw today i think like homeland stuff i didn't know it was back so let it like not a good sign that's a bad sign. So I'm going to do it too. I think I've seen every episode of Homeland except for the new season. Oh, really? I fell off, picked up when Quinn became like the focus, and he was like the most badass character on TV,

and then kind of fell off again. But clearly that's a show that should have just wrapped much, much earlier and would have been in like the pantheon of great TV shows. But they tried to milk it and tried to draw it out. Get your paycheck. Yeah. If I wrote a show,

great show. I wrote a show and you were like, look, we can end this shit right now, one season in, and you will be remembered as a legend. Or we can do seven more seasons and you can get a Lamborghini. You want to make me a legend?

Having a dope fucking car. That'll make me a legend. I'll put the bullshit together. Don't you worry. Give me ten minutes. I'll get a new season for you. There's a scene in Better Call Saul that I watched though Mike Ermentrout is going to a like a grief Alcoholics Anonymous like grief counseling type of of uh

group and he calls this one guy out for being a fraud and it's like I mean Mike Ermentrout does things to me that I mean no woman no woman could could could match he is my favorite tv character ever by a mile so give me any taste of him similar to mandy patinkin for you and i'll take it but god i wish we could have just like cut cut out all the other bullshit and kept by their cost all just for that because it would have been uh to me it would have been just as good as breaking bad but i'll go in on mandy patinkin that still watch Criminal Minds on season 13, just because he was in the first two. Mandy Patinkin thought the idea was good enough to do two seasons.

I was like, I'll watch it. Criminal Minds is on TV? Fine, I'll watch it. Mandy Patinkin liked it. I'll finish up four and five of Better Call Saul, and I'll report back. But there's just something wrong with this show that if you can jump around like that and still get the vibe it's you know what the fuck are we doing here you know um but Breaking Bad is for sure my number one

show ever uh probably in my top five today is a Tuesday we got uh KFC Radio Top 5 Tuesday for you. It's brought to you by Death Wish Coffee. I cannot give a better cosign than Death Wish Coffee turning me into a little bit of a coffee person. Today, I popped open a lightly sweetened cold brew can, took it down, and I've been ready to go today, man. And that's not my style. I was up late last night. I was jacked up after the last dance. I would have been dragging ass today, but Death Wish Coffee that has double the amount of caffeine of your average coffee, 300 milligrams, and a little shot is for a non-coffee drinker to convert me. It's the best cosign you can possibly get. My family is a big coffee family.

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And then when you use the promo code KFC, you'll get 15% off your entire purchase of the coffee. So you can buy it a la carte. You can sign up for a year's worth of the sweepstakes and you can do it all at deathwishcoffee.com slash KFC and use the promo code KFC. So today, top five is things it's worth spending money on what's worth that extra premium what's worth that extra pay and um i feel like yes top fives are a competition we're always trying to win but i feel like this more importantly is we're gonna put our minds together here to knock out a top 10 list because this is all about who we are. This is KFC Radio. This is me and you in a nutshell. We ain't broke boys. We ain't going to be poors and we're willing to pay extra for nice things and for good service and we're not

going to be cheap about it. And so I feel like there's a ton of shit here that I'm going to be, there's a lot that you're going to steal. There's a lot that I'm going to steal. I'm going to be upset that you have it. You're going to be upset that I have it, but together we're going to put together a list. That's going to shame a lot of the broke boys out there. Cause there's a lot of good things in this world you should pay for. It's a difficult list.

Cause guess what? Everything's worth the money. You just don't have it. Everything is worth the extra money. You just don't have it to spend on everything. So you got to switch it up. Let me say this, though, just so we can be clear about, like, I'll give you an example of something I don't think is worth the money so that, you know, we keep it honest here. I don't think fancy Mexican food is worth it.

I think you're an absolute fool fancy or fancy uh chinese food i don't like corn tortillas fuck off give me give me a flour tortilla if you go to a restaurant and you pay like 28 for some tacos i think you are a fucking asshole yeah i mean it's it's it's like the – everything in Mexican food is like ground beef, some sort of tortilla, melted cheese. I can make that. You can make that. Taco Bell can make that. I don't need to pay a top dollar for that shit.

Get the fuck out of here. And Chinese food, same thing. I know it's monkey meat from the alleyway. I know I'm eating rats, but it tastes just as good. And to me, that's something where the extra return per dollar spent, not even close to worth spending big bucks. Who has the first pick today? You do. I believe I went first last time. Honestly, I wish I didn't have the first pick because there's so many good things here and so many that I am personally attached to that I feel like I might blow it. Oh, okay.

Okay. I'll go first if you want me to. No, no, no. Fair is fair. Just for the record, I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I have exactly ten on my list. So I could go two lists right here. I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I have exactly 10 on my list. So I could go two lists right here. I have 10 as well.

I've had so many. I bet you we have like the exact same 10. I have so many that I've blogged about over the years, so many that we'll get to. But I think in the interest of what I can speak to personally and what I really feel passionately about, I'm going to start and what I really feel passionately about. I'm going to start off with the man, with you yourself, your person. I think paying for a good haircut is worth it. I think these people who are proud of themselves for paying $10 at Supercuts, guess what? It looks like you have a fucking $10 haircut and you spend all this money

on your clothes. You spend money on shoes. And those are things that you wear. You wear a shirt a couple of times. You wear some shoes for a little bit until they're beat up. You're willing to spend everything, all the other money on your appearance, but you're going to cheap out on the thing that's attached to your head. The thing that you can't, I mean, yeah, you can put a hat on. That's about it. Otherwise it is, it's always on. You always wear your hair every single day. You should spend money on the cut. You should spend money on the products. And, and if you can't, you can't, but the people who can, who brag about their, you know, I just go to some guy who cuts it with the buzzer. He doesn't even use scissors. Well,

yeah, you look like a fucking asshole guys like Portnoy oh i don't even spend a dime i cut it myself it looks like you do dude so uh the old videos of dave you're like i can't believe he ever bragged about that hair and and i think a lot of people might be coming around as we've seen people have absolute fucking meltdowns during quarantine, not being able to get their cut on schedule, go to a professional, get your haircut, spend a little bit of extra money. By the way, usually the people who cut the hair well, you can go longer in between haircuts. And so you actually, you know, maybe the money ends up evening out. But you know, there's a reason why girls, girls are the fairer sex. They're the prettier, hotter, better-looking sex.

And they spend money on their appearance and their hair and their makeup. And we don't. And that's why we're fucking ugly. So you have your hair attached to your head every day. You bring your hair everywhere you go. Spend the extra money. Go to Fleischmann Salon if you're in New York City. Go to FleischmannSalon.com and go to the shop section and spend the money on the hair products and the shampoo and the gummies.

Because it's worth having a full head of hair. Grow it out. Treat it nice and look good everywhere you go. Strong one. Very strong number one. Not as strong as mine. Cleaning people. I am going to die having never used Pine Sol in my life.

A promise I make to you right now. How about a duster? How about when people dust? I'm like, oh, who the fuck would do that? But I'm happy when someone else does it for me. I'm going to die thinking that a duster is just a prop used in pornographies before the cleaning lady. That's what I'll just forever.

That's all a duster will be to me. I'm never going gonna get on my hands and knees and clean a bathroom because it's like it's like 200 once a month it is so fucking worth that money and i'm gonna throw in wash and fold people on this too with a stipulation no no no no that's a separate that's separate well the stipulation is if you have a washer and dryer it's not worth it. If you have to do it in your basement, like I have with coin-operated things, in my

new New York City apartment, I do have laundry in unit as a qualifier for an apartment I live in. But if you don't, don't do it in your fucking basement. Honestly, I have a washer and dryer gone

i've been doing washable because really yeah yeah first of all it's broken right now and i don't think it's ever going to get fixed because we're in quarantine i asked my i asked the landlord i'm like any chance someone can come fix this and he said no chance but even when i do have it i just i forget that i put it in the washer and then it smells so i have to re I forget that I put it in the washer, and then it smells, so I have to rewash it, and I put it in the dryer. And then by the time I get home, it's been sitting in the dryer, so it's wrinkled. I have to re-dry it again. I never fold it. I never put it away.

It's not the wash. It's the fold. I'm paying for the fold, not the wash part. And it comes back in that cube. They take all of your wardrobe and they blast it down into this little perfect block. And it's like less than a dollar a pound in New York City. I can't – other places – Mine's like $1.35 a pound now.

I think she raises the price for me despite – on top of also trying to ruin my relationship. She called my girlfriend. People forget the story. I went into my washroom with my girlfriend, and she said, oh, and this must be Caitlyn. And I've never mentioned a Caitlyn Whitman ever. She just took a flying guess at my girlfriend's name. I'm not thinking the repercussions I can have on this.

And she's been sprinkling thorns into your shit, too. She's sprinkled in a thorn before. I'm not thinking the repercussions that can happen. Um, but, uh, and she's been sprinkling your shit too. She sprinkled in a thong before she sprinkled in a small t-shirt before things that one time she just gave me completely the wrong clothes. Like, like there wasn't a single article of clothing in it. That was mine. Um, it was like,

like, yeah, I mean, again, the, the, the cost of wash and fold is 75 cents to $1.50, whatever, per pound. And also, like, your favorite shirt every six months.

They're just going to steal it. And that's just the cost of doing business. And it's still fucking worth it. But that was, like, if it's a T-shirt, so that's not yours, you kind of just get rid of that. I had just someone's – I had to take that back. I was like, look, just none of these clothes are mine. This is an entire wardrobe that is not mine.

It was in my bag. I have a designated washable bag. It says laundry day on it. Very cute. It said everything was in that. It was inside a plastic bag. It was in a plastic bag. None of these are mine. Where are we putting that? That counts as yours as well?

Cleaning people, yeah. Cleaning my clothes, cleaning my house. No, dude, a cleaning person and a wash and fold is two separate things. All right, I'll take the wash and fold off the board then, just cleaning people. All right, well, we just did the wash. How about this? We're going to have our own top fives, and we both get wash and fold. Okay.

Because we just did, we just did Washington. All right. So then in that case, my number two pick is one that I feel very passionately about moving people. If you're still logging your shit around, I know Feidelberg does his own moving cause he doesn't have any belongings and he just gets his dad to come and move one dresser and one bed and then he's done. But if you have a house full of shit, if you have multiple rooms, if you have multiple pieces of furniture, all your clothes, all your belongings, and you sit there doing trip after trip up the stairs, out the elevator, driving the U-Haul truck. How about when people are just driving U-Haul trucks who have no idea how to drive a truck, and they they're bashing into things and they're trying to use the side mirrors because you can't look out the back. So you are very unqualified to do this. It's like cutting your own hair.

You're not a professional. You don't know how to do it. It takes triple the amount of time, 10 times the amount of effort. You're boring with sweat. You're breaking everything because they wrap it up in the cushions and the bubble wrap, you're breaking your electronics, you're smashing your cups and your plates. I will never. And I haven't either. I mean, I probably moved into my first apartment by myself and into my second apartment by myself. And then after that, when I couldn't even really afford it, I was still like, it's worth it. And once you're making a decent amount of money, I can't imagine anything. Like if you have enough disposable income, it's like, Hey, do you want to do like 24 hours of manual labor? Or do you want to pay like 800 bucks? I mean,

it's crazy to me and no brainer. I completely agree with you, but I've never done it. So I can't, it would be disingenuous to put on my list. I've literally never used movers in my life. One day, one day you'll have enough shit. You'll accumulate enough. Cause I also feel like you just throw stuff out. It's like, wow, I could bring this with me or I could throw it in the garbage. Like, I think when I move again, I don't think I'm going to use movers.

I don't think it's going to like, I'm not going to have any, I'm not going to move anything. I, I, I don't think I'm going to use movers. I don't think it's going to... I'm not going to move anything. I don't own the couch in our apartment. I don't own the TV. I don't own the chair. I don't own the coffee table. I don't own my bed. I'm going to get a new bed anyway, so I'm going to throw it away. I might walk out of my car and apartment with a backpack. But her, whoever you move in with,

will you move her shit yourself or will you pay for movers to bring it? Movers. Or you're moving into a new place and you get the bed delivered and the furniture. will you move her shit yourself or you pay for movers to bring it movers yeah or you just or you're moving into like a new place and you get the bed delivered and the furniture you know you're just buying it fresh but either way someone is bringing your belongings into your new apartment except me my own belongings will come on my back that's all right because you are you literally just have a stick and bindle you just show up like Johnny fucking Appleseed with a pot on your head and a stick full of shit.

I'm like an FBI agent with a go bag. It's just – that's all my stuff. It's not a go bag. It's just my life in the bag. Your number three pick, right? Number two pick. Two pick. My number two pick, White Strips.

Ooh, that was not on my list. Okay. White Strips do an amazing job. That's true. My number two pick, white strips. Ooh, that was not on my list. Okay. White strips do an amazing job in a short period of time and don't cause – it's one of the few beauty products that, like, you can just point to, the before picture and the after picture. This is how different I look. It is a no-brainer if you have – I actually haven't white stripped in a little while. I'm due for a white stripping.

But it's – You got some white teeth your teeth match your eyes you're the white part of your eyes mine do yeah i'm a big white stripper like i said it's been a while i do there was a time where i just white stripped every day doesn't it doesn't it do they fix it i feel like it used to hurt because it just ate away the top layer of your teeth right but then there's not a way to like make that better there's definitely i get the enamel sensitive ones right so i remember doing that once and being like oh like the wind would blow and i'd be like oh my god i think but yeah i mean that's that's one that you know you could spend a fucked i actually can't do it because i have veneers and it doesn't do anything for veneers.

Well, yeah, yeah. You could be spending thousands on dental work, or you could just get these fucking strips. That's almost – it's like a reverse. It's actually not – how expensive are they? It can't be that expensive. $50, I think. Yeah, so it's like you could either go to the dentist and get this crazy work done or just spend it and do it at home and get the same results. So it's actually like a cost effective spend the money.

My three pick is any sort of handiwork, plumbing, electrician, painting. People who you could, it would take me i don't know 36 hours to paint these four walls of this room right here you hire a mexican guy to come with a roller and some benjamin moore shit is done it's trimmed it's perfect there's no they put a drop cloth down they wrap it up you're done i'm not to electrocute myself trying to fix the fucking chandelier. I don't know. Aside from pouring Drano down the drain, I don't know a fucking thing about plumbing. My dad could build a house himself.

He built us a tree house once that was just a separate house. It had electricity running. It had windows. It had vinyl siding. It had it all. I can't do any of it because he never taught me how to do it because he wanted to just wrap up the job as fast as he could to go drink some fucking Miller Lite. But my goal in life is to be able to spend money to get all that work done and not have to worry

about it. Changing a tire, fixing the oil, fixing the engine, any sort of handiwork on your car your house your electrician your plumbing all that shit pay somebody else to do it what am I a fucking expert in these things no way my number three and it's a little bit of a loophole because it's not my money birth control no

it's a big one again it's not my money although it would be my money if anyone ever asked. No one ever asked me to cover the price. I was just going to say, girls, propose this idea to your – it can only be like a boyfriend really. But if a girl came to me and said, hey, we're going steady now, whatever you want to call it.

We're exclusive. We're not seeing other people. I'll gladly pay for that, and I'll pay a premium on top're exclusive. We're not seeing other people. I'll gladly pay for that. And I'll pay a premium on top of it. Here's some walking around cash. Make sure you take it on time every day. Go. Done. It's one of the best inventions of all time. It's an absolute no-brainer.

The other options, aside from birth control, are condoms or children. And no one really likes condoms. So I will pay the $ bucks a month or whatever it is i don't know i don't know what the price of birth control is i have no i got no clue no i'll pay for it and it might be 700 i'll pay i don't care you know what i would i would even propose because it is like i said it's tough if you're not in a full-blown relationship what do you do i would

say like get b Williams, get Bernie Sanders in office, right? If Bernie Sanders became president and said, all men now have a birth control like tax and you got to pay an extra, I don't know, like you said, I have no idea. By the way, girls, here's the loophole. Here's a racket. If you told me I got to pay for the birth control and it's $300 a month and it's only like 50, you could tell me that and just pocket 250. But if a new president proposed that all men have to just give up an extra couple hundred bucks a month for birth control, I'm in, I'm done. And even I'd be like, I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not having consistent sex. But when I am, it's taken care of. Done.

That is – I think that one day we'll look back and realize that, like, the reason why women are crazy and their bodies are all fucked up is because we've been giving it to them every fucking day for, like, 30 years. But there was a meme the other day that said, like, her, like, oh, my God, my pussy is so wet. And then, like, my dick inside the condom. And it was this guy just staring out the window like, what the fuck? Condoms are worse than kids, I swear. All right. The whole like psychological thing you were talking about. Someone saw that the other day with like women in the 70s, like always cleaning the houses and scrubbing.

And it was just because they were on like diet pills that were just cocaine it was that's why they were just cleaning and fucking scrubbing and cooking and doing everything all the time they were just taking cocaine every morning what a time all right this is my fourth See, now we're getting down to like I don't want to leave certain things off my list. I don't even – this is such a no-brainer to me that I don't even know if it's like if other people – it would qualify for other people. Paying for direct flights. Are there people who are like still being like, I'm going to save a few bucks and bounce around from like this layover and that layover?

Is that prevalent enough to even make this a pick? I don't think so. I don't think it is anymore. I think there was a time. I think we're, we're pretty steadily in the direct flight time. So scrap that. But if there's anybody else out there who is still paying like,

Oh, I'll just stay in like Topeka, Kansas for two hours before I get to fucking L.A. Get the fuck out of here. I will then go with, and it's very, very apropos right now, toilet paper. Anybody who's out here trying to save like 16 cents to get the one ply and you're just wiping your ass with like your fingertips because it rips through or you got the sandpaper all up on your ass crack. I mean, anything that's like a matter of single digit dollars or cents in some case that you're saving money on,

get me the two ply, three ply, eight ply. I want to be wiping my ass with like a t-shirt when it's all said and done. And anybody who's skimming on that, you know, like grandma out here with a coupon and be like, well,

I can get the, I can get the Scott one ply for, you know, three 99 instead of the, the double for four 69, get the fuck out of here. Treat your asshole. Like you treat your,

the rest of your body and spend a little money on it. Um, this is my number four. Yes. My number four. And I don't think you're going to agree with me on this one. Take it to the game. I don't think it needs to be a good seat.

I actually think good seats are probably overrated. But just being in the building, and obviously we're coming from different sides of this where I have three historic games. Yours would probably be the bullshit. So let me change that. A ticket to a big game. To a winning game. Yeah. None of – like almost all of my greatest nights of my life started either being like, yo, should we get a ticket?

Or starting at the game that we already had tickets to all of like they're the the stories you get out of those nights and the emotions you have from those evenings are absolutely priceless absolutely priceless i mean yeah when i think of like the games i've gone to the one that sticks out the most in my mind was 2008 the mets get eliminated on the last day of the year to have a second collapse after the 2007 one and then it was also the the Shea Stadium's last day so they still went through with like the ceremony and had Mike Piazza and Tom Seaver out there like pulling a like unveiling like the new city field by pulling like a cord so that the curtain dropped and all this shit like this is the worst fucking experience of my life and I I could have – I remember thinking like I could watch this at home with my mom and my brother and like in my superstitious spot where I can go to the game.

And I went to the game and that was my fucking reward. So, yeah, totally, totally disagree with you on this one. They're very different. But if anyone's been to like the – what you do after is always fucking crazy. The pregame before is always fun. There's never been – I don't think I've been to a big game where I was like, this one's not worth it. The atmosphere is fucking crazy.

You are – you're talking about an era that's unprecedented. That's why. No one else can relate. Nobody else except Boston can relate. It's not just Pat's games where, like, you know, Pat's game, me and Hank, the Super Bowl in Houston, me and Hank bought our own tickets, too. And the, like, that was, we went to the party after. We saw fucking Mr. 305, Wheezy, fucking Sean Thornton came up

and put us both in a headlock. And we're like, Sean, what are you doing here? You play for the Florida Panthers? There was, like like you're in um the uh there's like i mean i could go on forever about it but like starting when me and my brother went to game three no game two of the world series four since then i've been on like i've been to a lot i've been lucky enough to go a lot of big games not one of them was i like that which i didn't buy that ticket all right my last

pick here i got a few things left which means unfortunately something's gonna get left off but i feel very passionately about this one uh it's it's similar to like your hair because you're going to use it every goddamn day. And it's very time appropriate because of my man Drake buying a $395,000 mattress, but spend some money on a good bed, spend some money on a nice set of sheets, a good down comforter, a weighted blanket, gravity blanket, a nice set of pillows. You're going to be in your bed every single goddamn night. Feidelberg can go sleep on a wooden floor. Let him be Jason Bourne. You can sleep on a fucking plane. You can sleep on a moving train. You can sleep on top of a plane, not even inside the plane. Strap him to the wing and Feidelberg

will fall asleep. Me, I want a nice comfy bed that's hard to get out of in the morning that you love to crawl into at night. Give me the new bamboo sheets that keep you nice and cool. Give me the moisture-wicking, cool, sensitive pillows, all that shit. You know, people were freaking out about Drake. Drake has a $395,000 mattress. But when you think about it, an average person will spend like a thousand bucks on a mattress, right? So think about if you made like 50,000 bucks and you spent a thousand on your mattress,

that's one 50th of your money. If Drake were to spend one 50th of his money, he should have a $3 million bet. So $395,000, that's fucking ashtray money, man. His mattress is made out of like hair and Egyptian this and that, and it's all extra coils and springs. I love it. I'm going to ball out on a mattress and a bathroom one day. Those are the two things that I want.

Dude, waking up sucks. Every morning you open your eyes sucks. Because you're sleeping in a shitty bed. Yeah,'t i've slept in nice beds before best beds i ever slept in any hotel bed great beds it's fucking garbage who cares it's you're not gonna be you don't wake up in a good mood a nice bed doesn't change that actually sometimes if a bed's too good i go to sleep so deep i don't move or roll over at all. And I wake up after being totally still for like 10 hours. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't even move now.

That's how I wake up every morning. I do not move in my sleep. And I wake up every morning. About three quarters of my bed, half my bed is just laptops, the sweatshirt I wore when I got out of the bed, a book, a spitter, a tin, a bottle of water. Crumbs everywhere. On my bed. Probably like rats and bugs crawling around in there. I don't make my bed.

I'm not like a fancy, you know, but a good mattress. Like my room, I think my room is the coziest fucking room in the world. It's pitch black. I got the blackout curtains. I got a nice noise machine. The temperature is perfect. The bed is perfect. The bed is perfect. The sheets, the blanket, the pillows.

It's an experience to be in my bed. Last pick for you, Feidelberg. My number five, and this actually might kind of be like yours, where I don't know if it's prevalent enough. If it's not, I got to back up. Spotify Premium. Yeah, no. If you are still listening to music

where a commercial will come on every three songs, it's absolutely insane. Or you can't listen to an album. You can't skip songs. I used to drive back to Boston with my sister a lot. She didn't have Spotify Premium.

It got to the point where I offered to pay it for it. She had some rides, so she ended up paying for it herself but I was like I can't keep taking these rides with you if I have to listen to fucking commercial and it's it's just one commercial it's not that big a deal but it's everything it's and they're so they're so intrusive it's like you go from like one of your favorite songs to being like do you need like books on tape or whatever it is like oh my god shut the fuck up you're ruining the experience i'm with you any apple music spotify whatever if you're still i used to be the opposite when it was like when you're still talking about buying individual songs back when you could still do like beast share and all the download links and shit i was i didn't

care about like i don't pay for music but now when it's the streaming service I mean come on if you can't pay for that you shouldn't even exist what were uh what were your others um my honorable mentions um uh kind of similar to the music paying for a pay-per-view I'm not streaming it I'm not bit torrenting the movie I don't want to watch it on reddit or a periscope i can pay the hundred dollars chinese subtitles just right i'll just when people yell you we've talked about this extensively but when people yell at you like dude you pay you bought paying for things that's worth the money paying for things yeah like being for the good quality i want the real version of it i want the studio version of it. I want the studio version of it. Whatever that is.

I'll pay you the $6 for the movie. I'll pay, I'll pay the 50 bucks a year for the athletic. I will, I pay for content, paying for content worth the money. And even there's something about the, like the expensive ones are actually probably not worth it.

Like when I bought, I bought fucking Tyson Wilder on, and I ended up watching it on standard def and it was like this was not a good experience but i didn't have to be the broke boy being like send me the link and like dm me the fucking rogue you know whatever it's like i just paid for it because i can uh i told her a nice bed sheet uh i think a nice suit is probably worth it like like uh having i mean i'm not saying like a five thousand dollar suit once you can afford that for sure you look awesome but uh yeah come on the guy in the fifteen

hundred dollar pants but i think looking sharp in a suit handiwork direct flight and i think um like a quality jacket like a winter jacket that's you know a canada goose or some shit that's like 800 or 900 bucks but you wear it all winter long i think i disagree with that one because when i wear a winter jacket i always wear it open because i can't you gotta see the fit underneath that as long as the rest of it's warm you could probably pop it open so you see the fit uh knives this is one that since i started cooking dude having it's the difference between when i cook at my apartment and when i cook at home here is insane dude when i'm cooking at my apartment i'm fucking i just have a knife and i'm just pushing it through like fucking potatoes it's i'm not cutting anything i'm just pushing a metal object through this potato here fucking everything

just cutting through butter. It's unbelievable. I agree with that. That's why cut-coat knives and shit are so expensive because they last a thousand years, but you giving that answer is proof positive that you're an old man who's about to die. A nice set of knives. Holy moly. It's not us,

but I bet you an answer for a lot of people will be a good grill and a good set of spatula and i bet you an answer for a lot of people will be like a good grill and a good like set of like spatula and tong be like a grill master that ain't for us but i bet a lot of guys will say that um i also had uber because it's that's just like i don't think that's one people don't spend money on but just you're offsetting in uber versus dui uber is worth it every single time um and sometimes forget about the du, but we'll go out in Manhattan and people are like, what train are you catching? I'm like, I'm drunk.

You expect me to go to Grand Central, wait another half hour for a train, sit there drunk and get home at like 2.30 in the morning, or spend like $35 to get home like that? I mean, come on. Come on. Speakers with my record player that's like making me made me like like music again i anytime you say the phrase my record player i just fucking love it dude i just got johnny cash fulsome prison Cash live at Folsom Prison. Unbelievable. Of course you did. Unbelievable stuff. Yep, of course you did.

And then my last one was booze, which is obvious. You think you're a well-drinked person. Actually, it tastes completely different. That's one of those things. I was like, whatever. We were drinking wine the other night. It wasn't an exceptional bottle of wine. I think a $50 bottle of wine is worth it. It's like the $10 versus $50 it's very noticeable yep no hangover

goes down smoother i'm totally on board with you either so either way that's the top like 10 to 15 things that i think is like that's the definitive list of how not to be a cheap fuck and how to enjoy life a little bit right there brought to you by KFC Radio. We're going to get into a brand new feature today. We talked about it last week. I'm happy to announce and I'm happy to add it to the KFC Radio repertoire. We are talking about KFC Radio callbacks. For years, we've said we're going to start calling our listeners back, and we did it for the first time ever using last week's voicemail about the girl who timed herself to see how quickly she could get off her booty call before she got back home. And so today's KFC Radio Callback is brought to you by Kendra Scott. Mother's Day is right around the corner. And so you got to get the moms in your life something special, whether it's your mom or your wife or your baby mama or your aunt, your grandma, anybody. Here's what it looks like.

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could be younger and you don't have too much cash to operate with. You can find stuff for 50 bucks. You could be a little bit more well-off. You can find things 75 bucks, all the options under a hundred dollars, still high quality. And if you've got money to burn and you want to go all out for someone special this mother's day, they have plenty of high end, uh,, fine jewelry, all of its quality stuff, but a whole different – a whole price array for you to choose from. And we've been working with them for a while. They've been working with chicks in the office as well. They have a ton of really nice jewelry, bracelets, earrings, pendants, necklaces, everything that you're looking for. And right now they're donating 20% of the proceeds to Feeding America,

which that's a diesel. That's a very generous percentage right there. So they're helping people out. So while you pay back to the moms in your life, they will help out America as well. I got a Kendra Scott necklace once and the response was, oh my God, you know how to buy jewelry? And it was very easy. And that compliment has stuck with me for years now. So it's a big one to get. If you get Kendra Scott, you're going to get it. Also, if you don't know what you're doing, Kendra Scott has a stylist that will help you pick out the perfect gift when you go to kendrascott.com and you use the promo code KFCGIVEBACK because we're giving back to America and you're giving back to the

moms and the Kendra Scott stylist will help give back to you. It's Kendra Scott.com promo code KFC, give back it's valid until May 8th. So get it in now. That's KFC give back at Kendra Scott.com. Let's do our first ever KFC radio callback. All right. Time for our first ever edition of KFC radio callbacks. This is an idea we've had

for a long time now, one that we've never really pulled the trigger on. But just like Friday night pints and social distancing here in quarantine, we're trying to bring you the newest and best material and content. So we're going to finally pull the trigger and do a KC Radio callback, meaning over the last, you know, 10 years, every time someone's called us and left a voicemail, we have their phone number, which honestly we are probably sitting on a gold mine of data. Yeah, let's sell this fucking data.

Like, sorry, listeners, we're about to violate your privacy. Sell this to, like, you know, cold callers and sell it to big data and the government. And we have, I mean, we have 18 to 55. All of them. We have thousands and thousands of people's phone numbers and all that shit. Yeah. Who's Zuckerberg's plug? Who's Zuckerberg's data plug?

Get me in touch with him. We'll sell this shit. We're the new plug bro it's gonna be us so this is our first ever callback and uh nobody better to lead the charge than last week's phone call uh where we had the girl who said that she set her apple watch timer to give herself a uh a challenge to see how quickly she could get this guy off and get out of his apartment. We had some questions.

We have some thoughts. So we're going to call her up now and get some answers. We're going to do it old school style here. We'll just put it on speaker and chat it up. Hello. Hello. How are we doing? I'm good. How are you? We're good. You are the first ever KFC Radio callback, so you should be honored. You are now a part of KFC Radio history. We've been talking about calling our listeners and our and our voicemail people back. And you are the very first one. All right. Are you honored? I am honored, man. You should be.

But we are equally as honored because that was a hall of fame. Kevin, this is just a great move by you to get this number. That's – I mean, we'll do a phone call on camera and we'll do it off camera as well. Listen, I got the wheels spinning here. But your voicemail was so legendary and led us to have quite a few questions. So we figured we got to hear it directly from your mouth. So first off, let me just ask you, uh, what was your reaction when you heard us answer your voicemail and what did you think of our takes and all that nonsense? Um, I, I mean, as soon as I heard my voice,

I was like, Oh Jesus, here we go. Um then I got, like, a little nervous that he would hear it, but he doesn't listen to podcasts. So then I was like, oh, God, I don't want to get, like, the end of the stick with him. And then I was like, whatever, I actually don't care. Your tapes, I mean, that's fine.

But I don't think, I agree, I don't think he knew. I don't think he was aware. Why do you think he said to you? He knew there weren't any parking meters. Yeah, but he waited until after the fact.

I guess you're not going to stop me. Yeah. Slow down. Yeah, well, there's a time when the drama I don't prefer when they've got a penis in their mouth. That's a hard and fast rule. Let the girl with the penis in your mouth finish, and then we discuss the details. For those people who might not have listened, she set her Apple Watch to time herself when she ran into this guy's apartment, see how quickly she could get him off and get out.

And he noticed that there was a timer on the watch. Her excuse was, oh, I just need to set the timer for my parking meter. And on the way out, he said, by the way, there are no parking meters. I think that was a clear indication. Maybe he didn't know, oh, obviously she's timing how long it takes for me to get off. He didn't, like, dig deeper. Right. But he knew something was up. He knew, deeper. Right. But he knew something was up.

He knew. Yeah. Like, obviously he knew something was up, but I don't, he didn't care enough to dig deeper. He was like, Oh, do you want to hang out? I was like, I gotta go. Like, so, okay, here, let me, let me ask you a couple of questions again. Same ones I asked before, but now I have you here to answer them.

You did, you did this during quarantine. Yes. Yeah. Look, I'm not proud. Well, right. No, no, but I'm not, I'm not this during quarantine yes yeah look i'm not proud well right no no but i'm not i'm not gonna i'm not i'm not holding you over i'm not raking you over the coals for that nobody cares whatever you broke yeah whatever my point more is that if you're gonna go and do it and and break the rules or whatever why not make a night out of it get your money's worth and hang out and talk and and like get some social interaction no i know and like i thought about that too but he was someone i knew obviously i mean like friends with and like right before quarantine like he would always hit me up and

like i know he's like definitely been in like all my friends dms and it's like not something that like i want to like i'm not really like i'm attracted to him obviously and like i enjoy giving hands so i was just like whatever i was now i guess that was my second question but i think he kind of answered it no interest in uh in you getting anything personally out of it you're down to just get give the head and that's it yeah and i and i told him that like before i was like look like i don't really want to have sex with you to be honest like i just like not i don't know quarantine hasn't like had me in like a sex mood but i just like giving hands and it's like great for i mean like it still turns me on and gets my job done when i want to so hang on one second when you walked in there was it like

out of a movie like were you kind of like showing up in like the fucking trench coat with nothing under it and like pushing him in the chest being like, it's time for business? How did the transition happen? I like went in there. I had like my mask on because like he was in like one of those apartments that has like a front door, like a dorm man. So I like had my mask on and I'm like, oh, my God, I hope they don't say anything to me and then like went up into it it's my first time in his house ever he was like room 230 i was like okay great like boom walked in 230 went to his bedroom did it left but how does it happen are you just like sit out on my sucky dick like how how does someone just walk into a a humble abode and just immediately have a penis in their mouth there's i i need a little wine in dining like a hello you know well i mean i

definitely had a glass of wine before i went over so you you pre-gamed this event oh i pre-gamed yeah i pre-gave everything yeah well i i've had it i've had an interaction uh where you know a clear booty call situation that i at least attempted to make you know like i had a couple glasses of wine poured she she was on a tight schedule we sat down the tv was on and she looked at me was like we we don't need to do this let's just go and i was like okay all right but i made the effort i at least tried to fake it, you know? Yeah, and, like, him and I, like, talked about it because he was trying to get in my pants to begin with. Like, I made it loud and clear.

Like, that's not, like, you can, I appreciate you trying to woo me, but. But here's what's funny. He didn't get in your pants. You only got in his. No, exactly. Well, I mean, whatever. As long as you're, you know, you got off because you like doing it. He obviously got off in under nine minutes, so he's happy.

Do you think there was any feeling, like I was joking, but only kind of half joking, that if that happened to me, I might feel a little bit used? You did say that, and then i kind of made me feel a little bad because like i didn't want i mean but like not really bad don't worry really being no are you really being you no no i mean you're you're quite literally the opposite but but i would be like god damn you just treated me like a piece of meat girl yeah but it's like it's all just nice it's like now it's a funny podcast and talking about it i feel like that might change it but you left them with a nice

story that's really the important thing here like anything that happens in your life like god that's gonna be great to tell at the bar and that's yeah i wonder if he if he said to his friends like dude she said it was for the parking meter, but I don't have parking meters. Do you think that she was timing how long it took me to come? What do you think was going on there? He's probably a little bit puzzled himself. Probably. But that's okay.

He'll survive. You're goddamn right. What would you say? Obviously, this is, I believe, the first time you've ever actually recorded. What would you say your record is? Oh, man. I don't know. That was pretty quick.

And I went in there. You have to know that, like, I parked my car and then started it. So, like, I went. Yeah. So you're doing. You're doing car to car. Hang on. You took an elevator to the second floor?

It's the details. All right, but now is not the time. I hate people who take elevators to one floor. I hate people who use me like a piece of meat. If you're only changing one floor, you take the stairs. I had to

beat the time, okay? I mean, honestly, you probably could have gone faster if you'd run up the stairs you could have been out of breath like all right let's go i just ran up the steps so you went you went car door to car door car door eight minutes 30 39 so i have that so i play video on my snap what would you oh you you were snapping it the whole time too i mean like i was like pre in the car i mean i was contacting my friends. I'm like,

all right, got to go in yada yada's house over under 10 minutes and that's when we got. So how long would you say the actual act went down? I would say

probably five to six minutes. I mean, sometimes I think, you know, if, if I'm just definitely had quicker, like,

but like in no means was I trying to make it that quick. Right, right, right. I think it was more of a – I don't know. Now, I don't know if you heard Feidelberg's take, but he guarantees that not only would it be less than – or longer than eight minutes, that you might not even finish the job, period. I'll Babe Ruth this. I've heard that before, and i have proved all those

wrong so that's all i'll say about that okay well in that case let me also say then there is no way you could do this to me no chance um i love competition and i love proving people wrong so in that case i will call you back again a little bit later, okay? Alright, well, thank you for being the first ever callback. I think people are going to love to hear the extended director's cut edition here. So, thanks so much, and thanks for

listening and calling in. For sure, guys. Have a good one. Thanks. See you later. For sure, guys. Have a good one. Thanks. Going to sell your phone number. I'm going to sell that phone number. I'm fucking homeless, man. See you later. All right. Time to get into our new voicemails now. I think that went just about as well as possible.

The details that I was not aware of. I mean, her going car door to car door in eight minutes takes this from impressive to immortal. Dude, I couldn't go car door to front door in eight minutes takes this from impressive to immortal dude i couldn't go car door to front door in eight minutes like i don't know i'd be interested in something on the street i'd be looking at my phone in the elevator and i'd fucking just go past it i'd have to come back down it takes if i'm going into a new apartment i've never been to 10 minutes minimum getting in minimum just to get there and that's, as impressive as our caller is, I got to give some credit to the subject as well.

It would take me eight minutes to even get my dick sucked. I mean, even to get to the first part. I mean, he was ready to rock. He must have had his Roman handy because that is quite the feat by him. And I don't know. She's still convinced that he didn't know. Maybe he didn't, maybe he didn't like full blown think this girl's chronicling it on her snapchat she's talking to her girlfriends about

it maybe she he wasn't even thinking like how quickly did i bust my nut but there had to be some something running through his mind like she's on a tight schedule and trying to get out of here on purpose okay if something wasn't on if he didn't realize something was was a foot it took some woman in in five minutes let's say he took her a minute and a half each way in five minutes came into his home sucked his penis and left i'd know something was was going on i'd be like all right this is that was not a normal interaction right even yeah even if there was no clock i think i'd be looking around being like was that a setup did i just like somehow get me too'd by accident like what what is that was that was a sting operation right there but no i mean that's one of those it's too good to be true situations except uh she she's like

a unicorn man it's like okay uh i don't i don't get it but as long as you're down and you're happy so am i so uh let's get into our new voicemails. They are brought to you by Roan Apparel. If you haven't heard about Roan yet, you're really missing out. I'm talking about the human and the clothing apparel. Both of them are pure greatness because Roan, greatest battle rapper of all time, Roan Apparel is men's performance designed for a premium lifestyle. It's premium active wear. It's engineered for unparalleled quality and comfort. And it's a necessity for guys on the go. Now that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be like an outdoorsman or an avid world traveler. It just means we got a lot of shit to

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and you won't regret it. You'll be comfortable and look sharp every day. Go to roane.com slash KFC. Let's get these voicemails. What do we got? What's up, KFC? Fight, BC.

I got a little am I the asshole for you? So am I the asshole for asking my girlfriend to get me another Christmas present? She got me tickets to a baseball game with obviously everything that's going on now. It isn't going to happen. So would I be the asshole if I asked her to get me another present? Let me know what you think. Thanks. It's a fair point.

Look, a lot of the times the asshole is making a fair point. Right, but you are fully an asshole to say, hey, grown, other grown adults, get me more. Give me another gift. Now, let me ask you this, though. What if you found out that there – what if tomorrow they announce Major League season is done? We're going to offer – we're refunding everybody.

And you knew that she got the money back in her pocket. Does that change the situation? It should, but it doesn't. Look, Kevin, it's the thought that counts. They got you your fucking present. You're gonna... God.

You're... You can, but you gotta change it to something like a ball drum, which is so fucking juvenile, I guess you will, but you've got to change it to something like a blowjob, which is so fucking juvenile, I guess you will. But hey, how about we move Anal Night up to Tuesdays? Maybe that's all you can swing. Yeah, you're right. You're entitled.

Well, I don't know. Because a gift really is, it's only about showing. It's not really about the spending the actual dollars. It's showing you, I love you this many dollars as Michael Scott said. And it's shown you how many dollars she loves you. She spent the dollars. She gets the dollars back.

Then so what? But she's shown you, I am willing to spend this amount of dollars on you. You know, one of my favorite moves? My favorite broke boy moves when I was younger, when I was in college, when I didn't have any money, had a girlfriend. It was time to get a gift. I did this so many times.

Such a scumbag move, but I did it like four times. Getting a girl like I would make a cutesy card. Sometimes I would even like cut out pieces of paper and I would be like, I'm going to get you two tickets to like your favorite Broadway show. But I'd be like, I couldn't – like I didn't know which night you were going to be free. I didn't know if you were going to have to work. So you can go ahead and pick the tickets out. But here's two little like vouchers to like this Broadway show. And then she would like never end up getting them. And I would never actually have to spend the money.

But in the moment she was like, oh my God, that's so cute. And I would never fucking do it. And I was like, bitch. Kevin, my recently canceled European vacation. I don't even remember what holiday that's a present for. I don't remember what that's for. I don't know if it was a birthday, if it was Valentine's Day. I don't know what that's for.

But it's just something I did like that. Like, yeah, we'll go on vacation. It was amazing. She went home and she bragged to her friends. We're going to Europe. I'm going to Broadway. I'm going to see this. I'm going to see that.

I got an IOU right here. And guess what? You ain't never actually cashing it in, bitch. You didn't expect the pandemic to come, did you? Could you imagine? I would love it. We're going to St. Petersburg. That's where we're going.

We're going to the fucking Tully Museum in Tampa. And we're going to Tom Brady's Fergus. We can't get to country. I would love a sitcom where, like, what if you knew the pandemic was coming, and you're like, I'm going to – here you go. We're going away. Like, no fucking shot this happens. He was going to take me to the Eiffel Tower.

No, no, we weren't. No fucking shot that was ever happening. So, I mean, by the way, I think this is a total double standard i think if you're a guy you have to be much more prepared for this to actually come to fruition to get your girl like something else because i think she might be expecting it guys guys it's like celebrating birthdays girls do it guys you can't do it getting a second gift guys you don't get to do it but you're gonna have to probably do it for your girl. This is the way of life. Next up.

What's up, boys? First time, last time. A little hypothetical here for you. Who's the dream road trip crew? For me, I'm going probably Dave Chappelle for the comedy,

Dennis Rodman for the stories, and I'm going to say Charlie Sheen for the comedy. Dennis Rodman for the stories. And I'm going to say Charlie Sheen for the cocaine. This is... Thanks. That is the worst crew I've ever heard assembled. That crew...

Dave Chappelle would fucking... No, no, no, no, no. Dave Chappelle would hate you. Dave Chappelle hates everybody. You think that Dave Chappelle would hate you Dave Chappelle hates everybody you think that Dave Chappelle wants to to road trip with you being like yo Dave Dave dude remember that time in half-based when you said this hey hey man why don't you do that skip from Chappelle no he would fucking hate your guts Dennis Rodman I mean you can't understand anything he's saying he's he he'll probably forget who you are half the time forget where you're going what the point of the road trip is and charlie sheen he might go like tiger blood and

fucking kill you who knows that's a terrible crew as someone who's met one of these people i would not want to be on a road trip with dennis rodman actually imagine like hours in the car with him we couldn't half an hour a conversation i was like like, whoa, I need a break. An eight-hour road trip with him? No fucking way. That did make me come up with – not come up with. Remember, a question Casey texted me last night, though. She said, do you think in your partying prime you could have run with Rodman in Vegas?

And I think I could do it right now. You are pretty talented in that department. I don't even know what the department is, but I could do for a while afterwards. I can party with anybody.

I can party with anybody for a week. After a week, I can't do it anymore. But I can wake up and start drinking. Yeah, I could do it today. No problem. No problem. No, I could drink with anybody. It wouldn't be my idea.

It wouldn't be like, Gil, let's fucking run for a week. But if you're like, let's run for a week, I'd saddle up with you. I could drink with anybody. In my prime, like mid-20 you. I could drink with anybody in my prime, like mid twenties. I could drink with anybody. I didn't do enough drugs to be able to say that I could like do like 72 hours straight, like benders up all night. I would, I could drink for a night, go to sleep, wake up, hung over, drink again. I can't do like the continuous, like through every night. Uh, yeah, the drugs and all that shit, I would not be able to hang. But I could, you know, for one night, like just drinks-wise,

doing shots and all that in my prime, yes. Now, no fucking shot. But I don't even know if I would want – I mean, would you want to? I feel like Rodman goes hard, man, hard. I would want to for the story. I would want to. Yeah, I'd want to come back and be like, dude, I just ran with Rodman for four days straight in Vegas.

Do you remember in Miami for the Super Bowl this year, you were like, I feel like I'm doing this for the story, and it's awesome, but I don't want to go out anymore. I don't want to do it tonight, but I have to. I feel like that would be like times a thousand if it wasn't with Rodman. Yeah, but you know you're getting a story. It's not even an investment. When I was going out in Miami, it was an investment. I didn't know if a story was going to happen i might just yeah

this trip club and that's what i but like there was no great story um but like robin i know something you know you're gonna get it yeah yeah i mean he was uh by the way bill simmons and ryan rossillo saying that dennis robbins not an interesting person. Fuck off. Fuck off, dude. I haven't heard the argument. Well, so I didn't listen to the podcast. It sounds like their point was that last night's documentary didn't tell us anything new, which, A, is a different argument. And if that's the case, you're not articulating that well on Twitter at all. But, B B I disagree unless they already knew that Vegas story

the story of of Carmen Electra needing to hide in the hotel room while Michael Jordan who by the way MJ being like I'll go get him I'll go I'll go to Vegas don't worry I'll do it Phil don't worry like Phil would be like no we can send some assistant coach no no I'll go and I'm gonna leave two days early and come back a day late but I'll get him don't worry uh the thought of MJ banging on a hotel door and Carmen Electra hiding under the blanket, being like, oh, no. If you knew that story already and you're bored by that documentary, God bless you. But to say that the last 25 years of Dennis Robin hasn't been interesting,

I could not think of a more incorrect take. He is fascinating in every way. So I feel like if that was a Celtic, by the way, Bill Simmons would not be having that take. And I don't really know what Ryan Russillo's allegiance is, but that felt like a contrarian take to stir the pot. Because I just – what's not – he's the total opposite of every boring athlete ever. So I don't know.

I don't know what the take is. He does interesting things. In our – if it is he never really said anything profound or interesting, that I would be – I'd listen to that take. I'd be like, okay, I'll hear this out. He did it. He was very interesting. He was fun to watch.

But whether you looked at him like that's an interesting guy. Like he's an interesting guy. He's an interesting study. Okay. I haven't heard the debate. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate, trying to see what they might have said. No, that thought crossed my mind that when he talks, he actually says the opposite of – he's mumbling and kind of like – but we're really getting – that's a semantics battle here. We're really splitting hairs if we're going to say that, like,

he's not an interesting person because he doesn't give great, like, sound bites. When you learn his story, how improbable his career was, how he almost killed himself, how he changed the culture, how he – That was so crazy, by the way. I didn't realize that, that, like, he got traded because he tried to kill himself. Not – Didn't get the guy therapy, didn't get him anything. He's just like, dude, that blood is not going to be shed in Michigan.

Right, right. You're not going to have that on our hands. You can go kill yourself at the Alamo. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, that to me, though, he is the – for guys who work in media who know how boring athletes can be with their canned responses. And I mean, just the mere fact that Jackson, Jordan, and Pippen were like willing to let him.

What a move that is. I got to go to Vegas, guys. What do you mean? It's in the middle of the season. You can go to Vegas in the off season. Nah. And they all were like, okay, just get back at me. You know?

Incredible. Totally interesting. Fuck off, guys. Anyway, back to the original comment here. Best road trip crew. I might have to the original comment here. Best road trip crew? I might have to think on this one. Jack Black. Really? I find him to be annoying.

Jack Black kills me. I think Jack Black is very funny. If that really wasn't the reasoning for it, I think Jack Black does a great fucking rest stop run. I bet Jack Black comes back to the car with some fucking serious snacks. And then I'd have Jack Black

trot Nixon, trot Nixon packed fucking hammer lips. He's coming back to the car with logs. He's like, don't worry guys, I got the tobacco. We're straight here. And then Steve Martin to play the banjo. I am going to politely, for like the first

time ever, defer this. I'm not answering. There's no way I can even... How did you have... Did you leave this voicemail? Was this you? How do you have Jack Black, Trot Nixon, and Steve Martin on deck like that? I don't know. Steve Martin

is a fucking crazy interesting dude. By the way, you want him just playing the banjo in the car? That sounds terrible. Steve Banjo over, have a lift, eat some of Jack Black's snacks,

and Steve Martin playing the banjo. I imagine we're doing this at Pro Trip in Arizona. I've read Steve Martin played the banjo. I imagine we're doing this at Pro Trip in Arizona in my head. I've read Steve Martin's book, Born Standing Up, and he's just a fucking interesting dude. But he wouldn't be – there would be stories he would want to tell. He's a storyteller, right? Not like a comedian. He is a comedian, but not like a, hey, do your act.

I feel like he'd want to tell stories. Tell me about Robbie Williams. Tell me about Dana Carvey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a lot of them. I feel like he looks like a guy who likes to share them. And then, yeah, the banjo would blow up on the side of the road. That's an incredibly specific and I guess accurate list.

Trot Nixon is just an unbelievable poem. But your point is right about having some storytellers in the mix because that's the key to a good – anytime I've ever done like a ski house or specifically ski houses because we used to drive to like Vermont. When we would do like Jersey Shore or Hamptons, it's not that long of a trip. But when we would drive up to Killington or Stowe or whatever, I always enjoyed the drive there and back more than the weekend. Because it was always like the anticipation was fun. And then the recap when like the girls were gone,

and you get like a few of your close friends back in the car, you don't have mixed company, and you retell the tales. That's always the best part uh i'm gonna i'm gonna i'll put together my list but i gotta give it some thought to try to hang with fucking mr freestyle off the top uh last voicemail of the day is brought to you by zebra now we mentioned earlier the things that are worth paying for and paying for car insurance definitely worth it because the time you get in a car accident if you don't have it you are absolutely fucked luckily jen black has zebra so my road trip is set there you go even while you're playing the banjo like if you get in a car accident with steve martin playing the banjo still covered but is it worth paying an unnecessary premium uh like americans who have overpaid by $21 billion?

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Find out today. Go to TheZebra.com slash KFC. That's T-H-E-Z-E-B-R-A dot com slash KFC and save that money. Last voicemail. What do we got, Nick? I had a bad dream recently, and I was talking with my roommate about this. Would you, since you guys are guys, hook up with a girl who had snakes in her room, and you hooked up with her and you had to sleep there the entire night knowing that a boa constrictor could possibly poison you?

As a girl, I would never hook up with a guy who had a boa constrictor in his room, but interested to hear your thoughts. There is one girl and one girl only that I would fuck, and it's Jessa Rhodes. Otherwise, ain't worth it. And even Jessa, I would do it, and I would be really scared, and I would ask her as we go to sleep at night, like, can we maybe sleep in a different room? Or can you, like, assure me that this snake is not going to get out? But I am not trying to be in the same room as boa constrictors and pythons. And you know what? It's not even because I might die. It's because of the headline. I don't ever want to be one of those white people,

dead headlines, you know, where it's like, ah, the whites are at it again. He was sleeping in a pit of snakes and ended up dying. What an asshole. So I just want to try to not have an embarrassing white people death. And sleeping in a room of snakes is one of the fastest ways to have that happen. It's one of those things here where, like, sitting on this couch right now, nah, I wouldn't do it. I'm in a girl's bedroom. She's got snakes. I'm going to do it. It's like there's nothing that can be –

her bed could be like a bed made of nails with – you know like what they used to do in Guinness Book of World Records. You get something broken on your chest and you're on a bed. Yeah, I'll fuck in a bed of nails. Whatever. It's like, look, it's not ideal. Not my perfect situation here. But it's fucking – there's nothing.

There's just nothing that once I'm – I'm pot committed. If I'm in your room, that's how I learned you have snakes in your room, that's not going to play an issue for me. It depends on if we've had sex though because if I've come, I'm not sleeping in a room of snakes. Oh, no. That I am because my fucking – Pass out.

Even if you want me to get the fuck out of there, I'm so into stereotypical women want comfort. So I'd be like, well, she wants me to come. That's fair. That's fair actually because running out of the room is definitely tough. But I'll say this then. I will not literally be able to sleep i'll stay in the room and i will sit there in my bed looking at the snakes being like i'm not falling asleep much like the bed situation i'll fucking pass out in a heartbeat i don't

i'm not scared of snakes look i don't want one in bed with me i don't i wish i prefer you didn't own one or whatever but like i i i wouldn't like to see one in the wild, all these things. I'm not like – I love snakes, but I'm not scared of a snake in a cage either. It's fine. I wouldn't – Quick side note, I watch the show Outer Banks. It's one of the worst shows that's ever been on Netflix, but everybody is watching it and loving it. And there's a scene where they're like – it's like Goonies.

They're on like a treasure hunt, and there's a scene where they're in a cemetery and like a 10 foot Python swim, like comes out of a mausoleum. And they all like, oh, they like jump back. And then they're just like, the snake goes away. And they're like, all right, let's keep going. And they like, just go into the mausoleum where there was a 10 foot snake that just came out. It was the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen.

I will fuck you. I will probably stay in that room, but I will not fall asleep. I will not be happy about it. And I will probably never see you again But I will not fall asleep I will not be happy about it And I will probably never see you again I am not a snake guy I'm not a spiders guy If Jess and Rodney are snake people

I'm a snake person I like snake people I like the idea of snake people Because much like a tattooed woman I like people who will hate me. And like a girl covered in tattoos, not going to be a fan of John Feidelberg. Girl who owns snakes, not going to be a fan of John Feidelberg. Guess what?

I love it. Yeah. I love that, like the cliche, like you don't love me. You love the idea of me. You don't want a girlfriend. You want the idea of a girlfriend. I don't want a snake person. I want the idea of a snake person.

I like that. All right. That's it for today. No guests, just us. Hope you enjoyed it. And we'll be back on Thursday for some I'm Out of the Assholes, some voicemails, and a guest for you. And until then, stay safe. Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face, the mirror of your dreams.

Make believe I'm everywhere, give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never-ending story Ah Read the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be The sun, the kingdom, the great will

Are both behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never ending story ah ah story ah ah ah

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