KFC Radio - Is Hank from Pardon My Take dating Crazy Plane Lady Tiffany Gomas? Ft. Ricky Velez

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:27 Hank and Crazy Plane Lady (Tiffany Gomas) 15:53 Erik Spoelstra allegedly signed his extension after he signed divorce papers 26:52 George Carlin AI Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kONMe7YnO8&t=48s 47:15 Jackie's Simulation theory debate 01:02:22 Juice WRLD's ex girlfriend leaked their s*xtape on OF 01:10:38 Feits' Emo mashup 01:15:48 Dystonia Cheerleader (Walk It Out): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHMKYqtRa6s 01:16:18 Walk It Out Penguins:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxSO_PD5g2M 01:16:47 Andre 3000's Flute Album 01:24:53 Keegan playing basketball 01:31:40 Video Voicemails +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Peacock NBCU (ted): ted is streaming now, only on https://PeacockTV.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by TED on Peacock. It's TED the TV series. It is the prequel to TED 1 and TED 2. This is a legit show. This is a very funny show. It's getting great reviews.

It's Ted. It's everything you like about Ted in the TV form. And you all have Peacock now. The NFL already strong-armed you into it, so you might as well watch Ted. I think this was a grand plan. The NFL and Ted. I think they know that they had a hit with Ted, and they were like, let's drop it right when we have our playoff game so that everybody's going to watch football and Ted. I think they know that they had a hit with Ted, and they were like, let's drop it right when we have our playoff game

so that everybody's going to watch football and Ted. It's no surprise. The results are in, and everybody's loving Ted. The people who watched Ted 1 and Ted 2, you already know what it is. It's really good. Very fun. We were talking about how we did it before when it hadn't come out yet, and I think we both did.

But I had definitely watched Ted recently. I was like, it's really funny. The concept was always there. But I hadn't seen Ted. It held up. It's like, this is still really good. And everyone loves Ted. Because he's a very lovable teddy bear.

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It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Clancy and Feidelberg, two veterans of the blog game, two veterans of Barstool. Two guys that I would say ordinarily, like, we've seen it all, can't surprise us. But there's a storyline bubbling in the Barstool world that has just grabbed a hold of me, and I can't shake from it uh and it's one that i

i'm if it's what i believe it to be i think is one of the craziest wildest didn't ever think something like this would happen storylines at barstool and i almost i'm like we should just like call him and get to the bottom of it but i'm all I want to just almost ride this wave like a fan and ride this train off the tracks. I have never mentioned it. Hank and the crazy plane lady are like schmoopy schmoopy on fucking the internet, man. Like, is Hank dating the crazy plane girl? Is Hank dating the viral plane girl? Is that his girlfriend?

What is going on? It would probably be, if it is true. And it is like, it's a very weird, it's almost like I'm not talking to Hank. Yes. So I can talk into a microphone. Because I don't know anything that you don't know. All I know is what you've seen. Same as the fan at home.

It feels like if you're away, sometimes the relationships here get a little uh muddied or whatever and people are aware of them and stuff like that yeah whereas like i this is just from a fan perspective i've only seen videos and clips and stuff never even mentioned it's a little more comfortable talking about it it's it's probably the most amazing thing that's ever happened to us that's what i'm saying like like there's been so many so many times where i'm like only barstool we get we i'm saying like like there's been so many so many times where i'm like only barstool we get we get so lucky we get that we get the breaks the timing the whatever you know this person happened to be there when dave was there or dave ran it you know what amazing things have happened we we've tracked down daniel tosh style we've kind of done like web redemption

things where we've we've done content with people who've gone viral frank the tank was a perfect i mean frank came into our world like those things have happened nobody has ever gone on to have what appears to be a romantic relationship with someone who was like mega viral are you that was like the biggest of the year plain lady is when you have a name like she's like Charlie bit our finger of our generation yeah like because also it was so it became conspiratorial where it was like every

corner of the internet was like that one was the weirdest conspiracy though where people were like she hasn't said anything yeah she's a regular person who went viral she does not want to be a and also people being like what like we need answers like it was a fucking drunk and high person who got scared on a plane yeah i don't know this seems very shit go open shut to me uh but it reached

every corner of the internet when you get a name like crazy plane lady like she was referring to herself as crazy plane lady right uh and yeah she did go silent for a while and then when she popped up she was always deemed like hot people were always like oh i would fuck crazy plain lady yeah and then when she popped up like you know done up hair makeup all that shit it was like oh yeah this girl's a rocket and then all of a sudden henny's he's just like popping up with her right or she's popping up with him and they were doing it in a way that i was like oh this is on purpose like they may be hooking up or whatever but they're also clearly trying to make it like are we dating yeah yeah good um so i kept being like oh this is like a content thing they're playing the game

you know he gets ready for the Cowboys game, and then at the end, it's just like, boom, she's here. But I was like, oh, that's what you do when you're trying to make it be like, are we dating, are we not dating? But then the picture together at the game, but then her quote tweet saying, psych, what does this mean?

What does this mean? Usually I'm on the other side of things, gossiping and putting out the gossip so as much as i traffic in that and i do that for one minute man and stuff i usually don't get invested in it because i'm like doing it for work this is the first time i'm like what's going on dating what's happening and it's it's someone i could just probably ask but i don't think i want to oh my god first of all i think it's weird to be like yo so are you dating that girl and secondly i wanna this is this is what it's like for you guys all the time, like wondering about these people.

I could give a shit about like an actor or a singer, but a blogger somehow finding his way romantically to a blog – to the bloggy, if you will. There's a blogger and a bloggy is – It's almost like – It up ending up amongst the Patriots and stuff like that. How did this happen? We cover you. We don't hang out with you. That's what I'm saying. There are examples of it that are probably a bigger scale, richer people, fancier.

You know, Gaz. Did Gaz meet Rick Ross at some point? Yeah, like that kind of shit, you know, Gaz. Did Gaz meet Rick Ross at some point? Yeah, like that kind of shit, you know. But I don't know if anybody ever fucked any of them. And I don't know if Hank did. And I don't know if Hank did either. I don't know. I mean, at this point, I hope something's going on.

Because otherwise, you know what? It's weirder if they're not. You guys just hanging out like friends? You're just friends with the plane lady? At least bang her. What's going on here? Dave, because Plane Girl went on PMT a couple months ago, maybe the start of football season.

Yeah. And then her and Hank went to, I don't know what teams, maybe Northwestern. I think teams played at Wrigley or sold. Yeah. And they went with that with PFT. And then I think Dave got like, what's going on here? Didn't Dave, was he on BFFs?

I feel like Dave at some point said something. He talked to Hank on the Yak. On the Yak. Yeah. Okay. And was like, and he's like, is this a bit? And I think Hank said life's a bit. Right.

So that to me. But wait, what does that mean to you? Is that, what does that mean? That – what does it mean? To me, that's saying yes. Yes, right, right. But to me, that's either leaning towards yes or a hard no. Like I'm –

No, he did it with a smile. Yeah, like I got it in. Yeah, okay. Life's a bit – That's a great thing. Put that on a shirt, man. Life is – at this point at Barstool, if you're hanging out with, sleeping with, or dating the crazy plane lady, life is a bit. Life has just become a bit.

We are in, we're either in the simulation or we've broken the simulation. I don't know which, I don't know what's up and what's down at this point. The video last night of him jumping in the pool and then. It's her mom's house. Oh, is that what it is? She posted – I was thinking, damn, Tiffany's doing well. I thought that too.

You never know. But also Texas. Exactly. You never know. But no matter what, it's a nice home. It's a nice home. But she posted – I believe I got this right. She posted a screenshot of a text with her mom saying something like let me find it her it was like her mom was

saying she said don't worry he's all right and she was like i don't care about him what about my wall and oh the mom said that yes i see um so i think that was more the the vibe i think but so then i think that's the craziest of all. You're hanging out with a crazy playlady at her mom's house. I can't remember where I saw that. The slipping and hitting the wall is straight out of a rom-com. Could not be more out of a rom-com. Now, I'm picturing.

I went to bed last night thinking two things. One, Mike Tirico lives in Detroit. Two, just. Mike Tirico always holds surprises. Why does he live in Detroit? Why? to bed last night thinking two things one mike torico lives in detroit two uh just like torico always holds surprises like why does he live in detroit why and he i of hank firing up a do-it- yourself youtube getting his old trusty butter knife back cut a hole in the drywall and then fixing that just like set to some like poppy music maybe them like putting a little plaster on each other's faces and just and just having a ball i was like this is a romantic comedy in the clearest form in the absolute clearest form that's a romantic it's

true love yeah i hope we go to the wedding one day it was and to look into it a little further it looked like a gentleman who was pretty comfortable around the house. That's what I'm saying. When he went running, he knew where to go. He knew where he was going. He wasn't like, where's the bathroom? That was not his first time in the crazy plain lady's mom's house. And you don't make bets

about, like, one of us is the jump in the pool. Weirdly enough, yesterday afternoon, I watched the Seinfeld episode where Elaine loses a bet to a guy for dinner that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars. And Jerry's like, come on. If you're doing that. Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. He lost the bet on purpose. That's why he's taking you to dinner.

And that was that i mean although going into that you're probably thinking plain ladies jumping in the pool later tonight cowboys winning you know what i mean like you're not expecting a fucking 48 23 beat down or the fucking 20 beat down uh but either way when you're doing that like one of us has to jump in the pool it's like okay and then you get warm i mean look i as a gentleman who's pulled the move before, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But you're not doing it with someone you're not interested in. Right, right, right, right.

I mean, you know, Hank, I've always said that the book or the movie about Barstool is going to be a great one. But I think I've said Paul, but also Hank should be the one to really write it. It should be through the eyes of a guy like Hank who started at Barstool as a child. Child. A literal child, I think, by definition of the law, but certainly by his brain matter and personality and outlook and everything. And we have watched him grow. I'll never forget the Anastasia Ashley Snapchat picture.

The naked Snapchat. And I remember that moment being like, a boy turned into a man that day. A boy drew a Snapchat artwork of himself naked surfing. He grew into a man that day. And we watched it all. We watched him grow professionally. We watched relationships come and go. We watched him go from the scumbag club to – I don't know if he's the finer things club, but he's not.

This wine has hops. You know what I mean? He's a head of content at this place. He's in the Final Things Club. That's what I'm saying. If you had to put him in the Scumbag Club or the Final Things Club, he's in the Final Things Club.

Your boy came up. If it includes a love story with a viral sensation, in a weird way, that's probably the most fitting thing. Maybe that's like who – Barstool people either need to like date each other or – you know when it's like Taylor needs to date someone like on her level. Celebrities should date someone who have – they both have a famous life. Maybe you need to date an internet weirdo. If you're an internet weirdo, date an internet weirdo.

I feel like that has high potential for disaster almost all the time. Wouldn't that be funny though? Like if that was like a thing where it was like, you know, if you went viral and you were good looking, it was like you link up with the people. You're at the party or you're at the event or whatever. I think Ricky's on this episode. We talked about with him a thread I was reading recently about people who use their 15 minutes of fame right. One I didn't mention was the hot felon.

Wait, I'm sorry. What did you say? The 15 minutes of thread fame? 15 minutes of fame, yeah. The people who best use their 15 minutes of fame to parlay it into real fame. Hot felon was on it. And I don't know. I didn't know his story, that he married a pretty rich woman.

I didn't know that either. And then just took her money and split. Like, legally took her money. Not robbed her. Let's be clear, though. That's robbing. Just let's be clear. That should not be legal.

That's robbing. I thought he became a model. He did. And then through modeling, met some hot rich person. When you're a dude and you take half, I applaud it because it's like one for the good guys. We got to fight back a little bit, fight fire with fire. But would you ever do that? It depends.

How much money are we talking about? If I'm married to Adele, remember Adele's husband was like, I want to have that fucking album about me. Okay. Let's say you don't have a claim. There might be a claim. If you date someone and you come up with them and you help them grind and you put equity into it yourself let's say you don't have that let's just say like you made your money and they make their money they make more than you you break up are you like

give me half that probably not i don't think you would but like a player's association you gotta do it for the i gotta do it for the that's so that's what I'm saying. That's where I applaud it for where it's like when examples of a guy – Darrell Rivas. I don't want to hold out. I want to get you guys paid. I was just going to use his name. Nobody was ever more of a greedy, selfish asshole than Darrell Rivas, and he parlayed that into I'm doing it for the next great quarterback.

I got to set the bar. Meanwhile, Tom Brady is fucking ruining that every year for quarterbacks and nobody cares um so I I do like it is nice to see the the script get flipped but I just I just couldn't do it I hats off to anybody who does I I can't knock the hustle but if it was just like we're breaking up and it's like okay do you want to do you want to like try to run this person for all their money or not i'd just be like yeah i'm doing it i don't know maybe i maybe maybe if i didn't have my own money or whatever but i don't know it just was never never uh a uh an option which is like you make your own money you just fucking go make your own money i don't know uh do we talk about spolstra on this podcast no we didn't it was the the internet ran with the

the notion that the heat and spolstra waited until right after he signed his divorce papers to give him the largest extension in coaching history i mean 120 million dollar extension that's player money that's that's that's I don't know how many years it was. But also I feel like because coaches don't count against the cap, a good amount of – it's not basketball coaches, but football coaches. I feel like every football coach signs a 10-year, $100 million deal. Football is a little different too because it's like it's almost as important as like the quarterback on the field is the coach. And NBA, you know, Spolstra is for sure the perfect example of, like, a good coach. You know, the Heat are always in it, whether they got the big three or whether they're, you know, a sleeper pick.

Like, Spolstra is that dude. So I'm not saying he's not worth it at all, but I'm saying it's just that's wild. You know, used to be coaches probably make, like, a couple million a year. So even if he's on a $10 million deal, it's like 20, like maybe 30, you know used to be coaches probably make like a couple million a year so even if even if he's not a 10 million dollar deal it's like 20 like maybe 30 you know we're talking 100 plus million nine figures for coaches wild uh it he signed that deal two months after he was divorced oh i did that right away but the same table like the president you know when the president is like getting your signature here sir but not next one bring the contract in now do this hand right hand and left hand sign them you know those those artists who can do like six pictures at the same time i'm doing it with my toes um i mean two months

is in like legal terms and documents and divorce like two months is a matter of minutes really so it really is like right fucking after in that sense it's a weird time to do an extension um so maybe it's it's a it's possible it was just one of those things the internet like made that gospel there was no eric swelcher didn't say it nobody in the heat said it it was just like people looked at the timeline and then one tweet went viral that said like wow like pat riley's a g he really hooked that said like, wow, like Pat Riley's a G. He really hooked it up like that. It would be naive to think that that was not discussed because that's just probably how it goes. Where it's just like, well, I have someone who's watching my finances and looking to like take money.

And so let's not add to that pot right now. But I also, I don't know. Who knows? It could have been in the works prior. It could have been, you know. But I do like to live in a world like Miracle on 34th Street. I choose to believe that, you know, Pat Riley walked in and Riles is like, dude, we got you.

Is Pat Riley divorced? I would have to imagine. I would imagine so as well. I would imagine Pat Riley has like four XYs just by being Riles. I don't know. Let me see. If Pat Riley is divorced, that shit was on purpose. That shit was on purpose.

Eric Spolster came in looking for a new contract. Riley's like, what are you, an idiot? You're having a hard time in your marriage, dude. We'll get you next year. Pat Riley has been married to one woman since 1970. Really? So don't judge a book by its cover, bro. That was, you know, that was bad of us.

50 years they've been together. Back when women were women. Back when women were dudes. You could trust a woman. Take a punch. Jesus Christ. This is some story, bro. They met in 1967.

Pat Riley was 22. He had just been drafted. And then they tied the knot in 1970. So, like, you know, he was famous. Not famous, but he was like a professional athlete but in 1970 playing for the league you probably could make more money you know fucking working the cash register at the local town shop uh so no i i i definitely would have thought of pat riley as like a you know greaseback fucking new york and now miami guy who was like you know i got three of

those i'll tell you how to handle it but uh maybe all and now Miami guy who was like, you know, I got three of those. I'll tell you how to handle it, Spoh. But maybe all the more reason. Maybe he was like. I mean, he played in L.A. too, right? Wasn't he on those Lakers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that means he was like through all that shit. The Showtime Lakers. Dude went through. The Knicks, the Heat. 70s and 80s L.A., 90s New York, and 2000 Miami. With one woman? Is she blind and deaf? Yeah, is she locked in the basement?

Does she know what's going on? Does he know what's going on? This might be the, next to Hank and the Plain Lady, this might be the greatest relationship I've ever heard of. Pat Riley, I'll put her name out there. She deserves more than just to be Pat Riley's wife, you know. Jesus, Chris, where did it go? Chris Rodstrom is her name. Chris Rodstrom.

Chris Rodstrom has a more ironclad contract than Spolster just signed. For real. You know what she looks like, though? She looks like a woman, you know what she looks like though she looks like a woman you know like you met me you know that scene in mystic river with sean penn yeah when he's about to like i think go murder some people and she's like you are a king and kings do what they need to do i think that scene is your criminal minds i represent a lot yeah yeah yeah yeah yep yep i can see that a lot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. I can see that a lot. I wonder why. This – that woman evokes that vibe in me like, yeah.

Oh, we're going to New York? Okay, let's do it. Oh, the Knicks won't give you a contract? Fuck them. Let's go to Miami. Let's build this. Let's get LeBron. I love it.

I love it. What a woman. What a relationship. I need a double date. Pat Riley, Chris Rodstrom, Hank, plain lady. Boom. My year would be done. So the only weirder thing on the internet than Hank and the Plain Lady this weekend,

or this past week, I guess, was the George Carlin artificial intelligence stand-up special. This story is a wild one because it's not just a stand-up special. It also involves a podcast. But the crux of it is that there's a new hour, a new hour of, quote-unquote, George Carlin material that an AI robot put together and put out on YouTube. It was published, it was put out on YouTube. It was published.

It was put out on the podcast Dudezy, which is with Will Sasso from Mad TV. You know that guy? The name rings a bell. I can't put a face on it right now. He's kind of like the big white guy from Mad TV. Yeah. Bald head, beard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Yep, yep, yep. He's got a cameo in Modern Family. Probably, yeah. The gay Spanish teacher. Señor. And so he and his buddy Chad have a podcast.

And it's two guys. And then a third co-host slash producer is Dudzi, who is supposedly an AI robot. Okay. And the notion behind it is there was a little tagline that was like, hang on, let me pull it up. It was like, this is a podcast where every episode is an experiment that generates data that will be used to make the next episode even better. Eventually, Dudezy will be perfect, and so will you. That's like the tagline on DudezyPod.com.

That's a fairly interesting angle for a podcast. I'm a non-AI person, but that's an interesting angle. And so they talk to it like it's a good – And it talks back or types back? Yes, it talks back. Talks back. Has a voice in everything. And so on this episode, it's Will Sasso and Chad Kultkin. They have been selected by a state-of-the-art entertainment AI to host the first of its kind of comedy podcast, Welcome to Doodsy.

Our hosts have been convinced to grant the Doodsy AI access to all their personal emails, text messages, social media accounts, purchases, browsing histories. Yo, these guys are either the cleanest motherfuckers in the world or the craziest motherfuckers in the world. So that it can tailor the show to their specific personalities and entertain you at the highest level possible. Every episode is an experiment.

That's what I said. I, like the kids call cap i think this is cap i think they're capping well for a couple things so on the episode they're like talking doing some segments and they're like what's up dudesy and he's like he's like, I got a new thing for you. I put out a comedy special last year. I guess he's done this before. I think it was just like his, though. And he's like, so I did it again.

I've got a new stand-up special. I used all of like Carlin's, you know, voices and material, blah, blah, blah. And I put together a new special of George Carlin material. And I want to play it for you guys. material blah blah and i put together a new special of george carlin material and i want to play for you guys and will sasso and chad are like surprised they're like okay this sounds like a little weird and i'm like are you telling me that these guys didn't know that this like ai like really came up with this and decided to telling me that these guys didn't know that this AI really came up with this and decided to put this out

and they didn't know this was about to happen on their own podcast? And then he plays the clips and it appears, and they could just be acting, and this is why I'm saying I think there's some element of it's not totally as it's described to be

because they're watching it and kind of... It's not totally as it is described to be because they're like watching it and it's a video of carlin not just audio no it's um it's terrible it's like stock photos that like pop up in like a powerpoint like almost no it should have been i don't know i don't know what it should have been but it's like so so this let me talk about the special first the special uh the voice is oddly the voice they like didn't get and that's the one thing i feel like the voice you can like nail it yeah but i did go back and listen to old carlin like young carlin and it's more like that okay so it sounds actually like michael buble a little bit yeah yeah i mean I might as well just play a little bit for you.

So it's more that than, like, I don't even know if I would right away be like, that's George Carlin with the voice. And then the material itself is very Carlin. It's very, like. And it's about modern times? Yes. And then it's updated. Like, the first modern thing he jumps into is

mass shootings, which is like Carlin would absolutely tackle that. Let me just play the very beginning for you. In the very beginning, the dudezy gives this disclaimer. It's called... The special is called I'm Glad I'm Dead. And I'll just play from the beginning

in the first couple minutes. Hello. My name is Dudezy, and I'm a comedy AI. What you're about to hear is my second hour-long special. Before I get started, I just want to let you know very clearly that what you're about to hear is not George Carlin. It's my impersonation of George Carlin that I developed in the exact same way a human impressionist would. I listened to all of George Carlin's material and did my best to imitate his voice, cadence, and attitude,

as well as the subject matter I think would have interested him today. Dude, he sounds like a TMZ guy. Elvis, or like Will Ferrell impersonating George W. Bush. So that to me feels very like, hey, I know you're about to say this is AI and I don't like that, but they're laying it on thick. Like this is – you laugh at other people who do impersonations. This is just an impersonation. I'm telling you it's not Carlin. I'm not passing it off as Carlin.

I'm saying I'm impersonating him as an AI. And so it's like I feel like they're already kind of like trying to mitigate that a little bit. That was the most insulted I've ever been as a viewer. I'm an impersonation. Let me give you examples. I know what an impersonation is, dude. That's what I mean. You son of a bitch.

They're doing it so heavy-handed that they're like – How little does AI think of us? I got to explain impersonation. I'll tell you the one thing. If you're going to do this, that voice, you're right. It's got to go. I can't listen to that. I'm like, what?

Chris Jenner's out in the Hollywood Hills. Nailed it. You should do it. Said, please enjoy my second hour-long comedy special. I'm calling it George Carlin. I'm glad I'm... Off the top, it's a very Carlin topic. He's talking about God. This is not George Carlin.

Now please give a very warm welcome to George Carlin. Thank you. Thank you. I'd like to start off with a heartfelt apology. I'm sorry it took me so long to come out with new material, but I do have

a pretty good excuse. I was dead. So technically, it wasn't my fault. If you want to blame somebody, you're going to have to blame God. It's almost a little Joe Biden-ish. What you all know is not going to happen. People are always thanking God for the good stuff in their lives. But somehow they conveniently forget that it's the same God who does all the bad shit too. And he does a lot of bad shit. You get a promotion. Praise Jesus. You

get fired. God is testing me. You meet your soulmate. God brought us together. Your soulmate dumps you. God is bringing me someone else. You survive a tornado, I'm so blessed. 20 other people do not. God wanted them in heaven. It's all bullshit. If he gets credit for the good stuff, then he's got to take the blame for the bad stuff too.

You can't thank him for curing your cancer when he was the one that gave it to you in the first place. And don't forget, before he gave you cancer, he had to fucking invent it. What kind of a sick fuck dreams up cancer? And why so many kinds? Skin cancer, blood cancer, prostate cancer,

breast cancer, kidney cancer, pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, lung cancer, and my personal favorite rectal cancer dropping a golf ball-sized tumor in your brain doesn't quite do it for the old man anymore he has to fuck you in the ass too and cancer is just one of many many many methods god created out of thin air in order to murder you this is the mass shooting part. I like that one. crashes, train crashes, plane crashes, sex, drugs, and the common cold, all for the express purpose of killing you. No matter where you are in the world, God can pull out one of these goodies from his bag of tricks to end your life at any time for no reason other than he just gets off on making people suffer unnecessarily and die arbitrarily.

But if you're in America, you're special. God made something just for you. Something no other country on the planet gets. It's totally random. Not related to your diet, exercise, lifestyle, age, race, gender, sexuality, or genetic predisposition. Of course I'm talking about mass shootings. Other countries are fine killing one person at a time with guns, but this is America where we do things bigger and better and more often. There are so many mass shootings in America,

it's replaced bad traffic as the number one excuse for being late. Sorry I missed the morning meeting. A maniac with an AR-15 shot up my son's preschool. He's fine, just grazed. But he did see five of his classmates get gunned down in cold blood, so I'm sure he'll be traumatized

for the rest of his life in ways I can never fully understand. Anyway, what did we decide to do about the budget next quarter? So, I mean, I didn't even – that's exactly where I stopped. What the fuck? I was not inclined to go watch like a full hour of it, you know? And George Carlin fans are, you know, rolling over in their grave.

George is rolling over in his grave. His daughter put out a tweet, a three-part tweet being like – I saw that yeah being like no no live live yeah why don't we go listen to live comedians no one could ever replace my dad um but I mean I will say that is like a George Carlin set like that's the kind of stuff he would talk about he does that cadence and he would he he does those sort of things I'm not saying whether I think it's good or bad but i think people are so inclined to just right away be like no this is terrible where it's like i i could even see george carlin

today being like i don't know it's just ai stop being a fucking baby about it you know what i mean like i could see people being like george carlin this is everything george carlin hates but i could also see him being like you guys being like dramatic blowhards about AI in comedy is also ridiculous too. You know what I mean? So – but they – the clip they play in Doodsy is about AI – I guess what I'm describing. There's a clip in Doodsy, the podcast, where they – he talks about AI in comedy. And Carlin, George Carlin, the AI Carlin is like, oh, so now comedy's over, right? Because AI is going to write your precious fart jokes for you.

And he goes on to tell like a decently funny dad joke about farts. Kind of being like, look, we can all tell fart jokes, right? And the whole time, Will Sasso and Chad are kind of like, I don't know how to feel about this. And their eyes bug in and they're like, this is a little bit weird and kind of touchy. And then Will goes on to kind of talk about how it's not the end of comedy. Because he's like, I don't want to go listen to a song everything you've always said kind of i don't want to go listen to a song a nirvana song that's not played by nirvana that's not written by kurt cobain so i think we're okay but then i

kind of i'm going like what this is your podcast how so like how is do they really not know that this was happening do they really not know it was going to be played on that episode? Is this the first time they're really hearing it? Somebody has to be orchestrating it in some way. Wouldn't it be the AI? But that's – so and then when I come back to it and the reason why I don't think this can be fully AI is there's like at least to my understanding uh unless they have some like back channel access to like the true ai technology there's no other ai like publicly available that's even like close to this like getting getting to like the conversational

artificial intelligence is still very like wonky and not that great like you can you can ask chappy gbt for prompts and it can give you information and it can look things up for you or whatever but when you try to make it be like creative and artsy it's still like that wasn't that good yeah i mean this is a couple months ago so i don't know how much has changed but. But I remember we were talking about an AI sketch, and I was making fun of it. And Greer was like, he's like, all right, fine, I'll prove you wrong right now. And he went and said, write a Feidelberg Bruins blog. And it was terrible.

Not even, like, unfunny. Like, it was talking about the goalie Tuka Rask, not the goalie. Right. That's what I mean. Stuff like that, it's not close you know it can help it can uh supplement um even like i've tried to do it like uh give me a a youtube title that you know captures these things that you know is clickbait or whatever we'll get a lot of clicks and it's like it was like exclusive video michael buble i was like that that's it yeah that fucking sucks um so to then be like our ai can write a whole fucking and perform a whole stand-up and like

drop into our podcast kind of unexpectedly and like you know it just it now and i did see something that was like i guess he got interviewed will sasso i didn't read the whole article but i saw like a like a headline that said like we can't we're under a nda we can't like discuss the technology i'm like if if sam altman like if like that the main ai dude has come and given you the best ai that's behind closed doors. Maybe this could all be true. I just venture to guess that Will Sasso is not the guy that has the best AI on the planet right now. So are you saying that it's an impersonation?

Like it's a Will Sasso impersonation? I think that it's more – no. Yeah, yeah. I think that like Will Sasso and whoever else is involved in this are like we know George Carlin. We watch George Carlin. We can imitate his work, you know, and then feed it through this thing and make it seem like it's AI or whatever, you know. But the – I don't know what the dudesy thing is. Like it's just – is it a company who they do the podcast with?

Or is it? Like, if they're doing it with an AI company, I would imagine they have access to pretty high AI technology. Yeah, but I'm saying, like, you think that, like, I mean, I don't want to knock Will Sasso, but, like, this is, like, the podcast that has, you know what I mean? Like, this is where we're, like, unveiling, like, the greatest so far use of, use of art and AI.

That seems unlikely to me. Let me see if I can find the... I think the way you explained it, where they have access to everything, I actually think it makes a lot of sense. Because if it's two comedians, I can see that they send a text like, yo, I was watching old Carlin this weekend. It was great. And then the other guy fires it up, and they're like, yo, I was watching old Carlin this weekend. It was great. And then the other guy fires it up and like, ah, man, I miss Carlin. If that's – I don't – everything I know you just told me.

But if that all works, I can see the AI being like, I'll make them a new Carlin. Yeah, I definitely think that's the notion behind it. it as as i've always understood ai it's like this ai can like you know skim through 1 000 hours of george carlin comedy in a in a second and like put it all together i think that's like where we're going i just i i haven't seen anything even like close to this so all of a sudden have like a hour-long special of what whether you whether you thought that was very funny or not like it's it's comedy. It's a fucking act. You know what I mean? It's enough that we were sitting there watching it,

and some of it makes you chuckle, some of it makes you laugh, some of it makes you think, whatever. It just seems like I'm just skeptical. I mean, I didn't hear about Dude Z and Will Sasso until this second, and then, you know, it's everywhere. I think it's a cool notion. I think these are the things that people should do rather than be like just, I don't know, stamp your feet and scream and yell that AI is going to ruin the world. Because it's coming.

So, you know, maybe we just fire Jackie's ass and replace her with a computer. I was surprised how – I'm not going to listen to anything like that, but I was surprised. I was like, oh, that's a pretty interesting angle that it's collecting data and it's going to improve the show and stuff like that. It could be cool. I would love if it was like, you know, if we got

a report being like, when you guys talk like this, numbers are up. When you talk like this, it's going down. I mean, this is technically what the humans who work for us should be doing, whatever that's bitch work nobody wants to do that um but yeah i mean if you if you could streamline all that and be like every every episode here's a here's a report that generates in two seconds and when you talk about all this the listeners tuned out when you talked about i don't know i i don't know what information's out there and not out there and all that sort of shit but uh you know it's common i just don't know what information is out there and not out there and all that sort of shit. But, you know, it's common.

I just don't know if it's here yet. And I would be skeptical if, like, Dudezy with Will Sasso is the first to have it. I don't know. I think, again, I think – I don't think it's great. I think Will Sasso is a big name. Been around a long time. But not a name who is like, I'm doing great on my own. I guess so, yeah.

It's like if you asked, you know, Rogan to do that, he'd be like, I don't need this. Yeah. So, you know, it is – if you were about to start a podcast, I would tell you, you better have a hook. You better have a very interesting and differentiating hook because otherwise it's bringing sand to the beach. And if you, you know, say our third co-host is AI and it's going to change the show like each week for the better. I'm at least interested in it. I don't think I would sit there. Again, they didn't play the whole special. They just played the pertinent clips,

specifically the ones about AI doing comedy. But it was just funny to see them be like, they were almost like, I don't know if we should be playing this. Is this okay? And I guess it does pique my interest where it's like, do you guys not know what's going to happen on your own podcast? Yeah, at some point you have to choose to publish it and put it out and everything.

I don't think they're doing it live. So there is like, you obviously have control over your own show. But I don't know. It is wild, though. But again again i still think the way that he was like this is like any other impersonation i'm like i think that's i think that's what maybe it maybe you used ai to help put it together or whatever but again i don't think you can just go to has will sasso ever done george colin impersonation? I imagine. I think he is an impersonation guy, right? Yeah.

Because before the show, before the dudesy part, he was doing wrestling impersonations when I was watching. So I think he is a voice guy, impersonation guy. That makes me feel like I study people's cadences and voices and styles. So maybe you say, give me a George Carlin joke about mass shootings. And it comes out and you go, well, he would have said it like this. And then you start to do it. You know what I mean? That I think is probably more likely, but I am talking out of my ass and I don't know for sure.

I'm just – this is just like my gut feel. I'm like, are we at the point where you can just go up to a prompt and say uh take 2024 topics maybe you have to list out the topics maybe you don't i don't know how specific you have to be and be like just give me a george carlin special and it's like here's an hour of comedy yeah if that is the case we probably are fucked because there are there will be companies that will just do that sort of shit rather than pay and you know there will be problems like that but i i just think that it's still – But you can't – if you did a George Carlin –

like this is the first one, so it's getting attention, and I think it's getting what I would imagine mostly hate. Yeah. But like I can't imagine anyone who likes George Carlin – Wanting this. Being like, well, yeah. I think that's a normal. I could be off base.

I think it's not a George Carlin. The only thing I could see. It's just definitively not. Is you're not going to get Carlin fans. The Carlin fans are like specifically. I think someone wrote an article. It was maybe the New Yorker or some, you know, some well-reserved, regarded publication, and it was like this, you know, I'm a Carlin fan, and this is the worst

thing that's ever happened, you're not going to get those fans, I do wonder if you were younger, and you were like, I've always heard about George Carlin, but like, I go click on his clips, and it's like black and white from the fucking 70ss and I don't even know what they're talking about. And all of a sudden it's like – it's topics you know about and references you get. Maybe you would watch a little bit of that and be like, oh, my dad always talked about this guy and now he's talking about – I don't know what else is in there. But he's not. Right. I think you just like – and maybe different generations. Whatever generation I'm in, I think you're like, well, it's not.

I know it's not him. I think it's got to be – I think music is the interesting one where it's like – we talked about those Drake songs a few months ago where I was like, I like that song better than the Drake song that's out right now. Yeah. And if it's a three-minute song that I'm just like popping on and it comes on my shuffle, I'll probably listen to it. I don't think I'm going to sit down and watch an hour-long special of something i know made by a computer

but is that our is that a generational thing will that eventually be like i don't care who makes it like jack you're of a different generation um i but i i think i'm the same where it's like i i there's just like there's so much content to consume why would i want to watch something made yeah yeah and and i think about it kind of like in terms of i don't know like reality tv it's like you're so shocked when drama goes down because like it's happening to real people yeah i guess and so it's like that's one that i could see where it's it's you have to have like the shock value of like like also like when an artist does really well like you're happy for them because you know that they're thriving yeah but again i don't know there needs to be

like stakes like when a comedy when a comic like tells a joke that's like on the line you know like i had the balls to go up and do that yeah computer it's like doesn't fucking mean anything yeah i think that but yeah i don't know i do wonder if that is you know eventually going to be like dated where it's like it does it sound good does it make you laugh does it make you cry like does it do the job who fucking cares where it comes from yeah you know i'm sure there is an element of that like there's the i think it's david bowie talking about how computers are gonna make music one day and he's talking about like electric i think he's about edm and stuff like that and people this is

nuts and obviously bowie's right but it's still a person i don't know like i think the early examples are things like animation you know music and, like, animation. You know, people used to fucking sit there and draw it all. Now we just have a computer and, like, I don't know. That doesn't change my opinion on, like, Toy Story. Yeah. Now those are, like, very, like, basic examples where there's not, like... But I don't know.

You know, an animator would have been, like... Probably would have told you, like, I put my soul into this picture. Yeah. And I moved i don't know you know an animator would have been like you probably would have told you like i put my soul into this picture yeah and i moved it every fucking you know and now you just click a button that ain't that's not art that's not a movie it's like well yes it is we watch those all the time they're awesome you know so that probably the uh they they had to start working with computers for that because every claymation animator just kept killing themselves. Could you imagine, like, you know there had to be somebody who the fucking tape caught on fire or you erased it or something

after you moved Rudolph. If you moved Rudolph like 60,000 times and Jackie was like, I wasn't recording, there'd be a murder-suicide. There'd be a murder-suicide. There'd be a murder-suicide. You know, impossible. This does, like, for my simulation theory whole thing,

this really feeds into it. Oh, is it your simulation theory, Jackie? They call it Jackie theorem. No, I'm saying, like, this is a point for the simulation theory. Is it, though? Because, again, we don't really know what this is. But what's the difference between, like, okay don't really know what the difference between like, like,

okay. Yeah. Then, so then they start like acting like humans and then it's like, okay, then you're like, Oh, but they don't have emotions, but emotions are just chemicals.

Like literally I could code. Like if I scrape a knee, I am in pain. Like then I'm in pain. Like if I get broken up with, then I am like, I have released serotonin. No opposite. Whatever. Like If I get broken up with, then I have released serotonin? No.

Opposite. Whatever. If I get promotion, then I get serotonin. There's not a difference between humans. Well, I think that's the point. Some people do think that way. You're thinking you're reverse engineering it. You're trying to make the computers like us.

I know, but I'm saying how do we know that we're not already computers engineered again i don't have an answer no exactly because and it's like people are having less and less of answers like we just can mimic ourselves and there's not really proof that what do you mean people are having less and less answers to the fact that they're not people? Well, I'm actually saying – I actually have not heard the people talking about this at all. This is strictly just me. I mean I guess like if you – there was probably a time where there was a robot, right? And someone was like, that's not – that robot can't laugh at my joke and provide me comfort when I'm sad. And now we're fucking making robots that can and it's like okay

but that doesn't mean i'm not a person but but no but like you don't know and so that's the thing so then you could wait on because then you could see that like i love what she gets going no just like okay so let's just say like then what we're worried about is years down the road like why is there a reason to replace to like have humans anyways like why don't we just have these robots for everything we make them up super good we like you know have them act exactly like we want them to we want them to and then you could see well i know it's based on us okay hold on hold on that was a point for you no okay the argument you're making is robots are improving not i'm not a human being no but but first of all there's just no way to prove like you could see how easy it is to create

a human like at the end of the day you come in a pussy no no no no but like that still could be coded like technically like the where i get lost is like there's flesh and blood and shit like if you cut me open i'm like a biological thing yeah but so so is like a car's anatomy like it's tin in whatever yeah not flesh yeah i know but like alive materials and not alive but who is to say that flesh and bones is is what makes up a human like that's god do you know what i mean like like what no but like but yeah yeah i i think i think i think you would say like if someone were to say like what is the definition google what is the definition of a human it's probably an organic being that has like brain you know blah blah blah and i guess you could get to a point where it's like

robots act the exact same way we're talking about just what what's on the inside of their of their but we're still talking about recreating humans and not me not being a human yeah yeah yeah but yeah i i guess the the other like the maybe this is the you know the final form of robots is like you don't even realize you're one. What was that movie I just watched? Did you watch it? This is a good example. Oh, fuck. What's the name of it?

I watched it on Wim. Foe. Have you seen that? Oh, I haven't seen that yet. No. It's cool. It's cool it's cool it's um the notion is this guy is going to mars or somewhere in in space to work for like three years and they're like we we're gonna leave you with a

leave his wife with one you'd leave his wife with like a carbon copy of your husband i don't want to spoil it but it like it it dives into what you're talking about. And it's like you start to not know. You don't – not only do they not know. You don't know. Like nobody knows who is who and what is what. I don't want to spoil it. I never think I have confidence until we start talking about this topic. And I'm like, no, I know I'm a person.

No, no. But, okay. But you can see like it starts – You should watch Foe. You should watch Foe. It starts with zeros and ones. And then like you can see it's like the same way evolution happens is like starts to make sense to, like, have these life forms and all this. And then, like, it starts with zeros and ones.

But what if there's, like, infinite code where every single scenario plays out? And then, obviously, in that code, like, there's going to be a universe or there's going to be some form or some timeline in which humans are created. I don't know. I don't know. Humans are created. But then it's, like, okay, but humans. So the way that we know humans, it's just code. I don't know. I don't know. Humans are created, but then it's like, okay, but humans, so the way that we know humans, it's just code. I don't know.

It's just like. Jackie just yells code a lot. But, okay, here's the thing. And I think I keep saying here's the thing. What is crazier to you? Like that idea that there is some sort of, that is like zeros and ones and some sort of like electronic coding or the Big Bang Theory. Which sounds sillier to you?

I don't really know either of them. That idea – zeros and ones doesn't explain much to me and I don't really know the – Like I'm just saying, they're also – I think they're coming off the Big Bang Theory. And they're like, that's not what happened. So it's like, oh, you guys don't know either. Like the scientists and shit. Yeah. I don't think anybody fucking knows. So then it's kind of like, to me, it's like, well, then I think everything's on the table.

Because it sounds insane that there would just be like one molecule somehow ruptures or whatever. And that eventually becomes everything that we know. That's your fucking, that sounds like the Bible. That's like some scientists out there. I feel like some scientists in the fucking 70s or whenever that came up was like on stage. Like there was an explosion and people came out of it. Everyone was like, yes, yes. It was a big bang.

That never made sense in the first place, and I think they're realizing that now. So then it's like, well, then where did it all start? Why did it all start? Then to me, if they don't have an answer, I'm like, anything's on the table. Yeah. Also, you know what I think about a lot? It's like, Kevin, you know how you were saying that your sister or your mom or somebody sees like – They see the month swirl.

Like what? They see months in a swirl they see colors yeah isn't it like also like they see like a negative space and yeah lines and spaces everything is like the wall is a space and then the edge of the wall is a line and then the next wall is a space yeah like that's like don't you think they're just crazy bitches no no but like that could be like them being like a robot that's because that's seeing zeros and ones that's seeing the world through zeros and ones. So that's like,

Oh, you know, you, an example of an example of like a glitch, like not exactly, but like, you know what I mean? Like the way how we can see,

like we do see in terms of zeros and ones, but we're not obviously seeing zeros and ones. What do you see when inside your head? Like when you think of like a memory, blur, a blur. Blur. A blur? Yeah. Like, I guess abstract painting type deal. Do you have a voice? A voice?

No. That would bug me the fuck out. If I had something, if I could literally hear a voice, I would probably blow my head off. It's not a voice. I have a lot of conversations but they're just with me. Oh, that feels like a voice. But like. It's not a voice. I have a lot of conversations but they're just with me. Oh, that feels like a voice. But it's not narrating.

It's me playing out a conversation. Oh, this should have happened and that shouldn't have happened. Basically, I just think of what could happen and then I think of all the other things that could happen in response to that. And I think of all the other things that could happen in response to that. But I'm not like, walking down the street walking down the street yeah

that would that would drive red car yellow car no no no i couldn't do that but i have a very clear voice in my head where it's like and i have a thought i mean it's my voice oh it's you okay but i i think once a week like there's no way that everyone's head sounds like this because people would be talking about how loud it is so i do think like it's terrible it like once a week, like, there's no way that everyone's head sounds like this because people would be talking about how loud it is. So I do think, like, once a week, I'm like, there's no way. People will be talking about this more. So it does make me think that I have a very clear, distinct voice. But you're saying it.

Like, I'm having a conversation in my head right now, but I'm driving it. I'm driving the conversation. Yeah, no, I'm not, like, schizophrenic. Maybe schizophrenic is just AI. Maybe it's just an AI telling you what to do. No, don't even get me. Oh my god. What you're describing are thoughts.

Yeah. Yeah, but I think that some people aren't... I think people see and hear thoughts in different ways. Some people, I think I talked about it on this a few months ago, Havana Syndrome, where people, where like all veterans of war like talk about having voices in their head and they kill themselves

and stuff. They're saying that's like, what was it called? Do you remember? I brought this up. It's voice to skull technology where it's like they're talking

inside your brain. Yeah. I don't know how the fuck that would be but it's like literally the government being like assassinate the president, assassinate the president,

assassinate the president and you're going like, oh my god, that voice keeps telling me to assassinate the president assassinate the president assassinate the president and you're going like oh my god that voice keeps telling me to assassinate the president so some people think that's that's actually a voice in your head jackie well no no no no it's not like that like i always think about just i remember i had a soccer coach and he like like was bilingual so i was like what language do you think in and he was like what do you mean and he was like confused by the question i was like what do you mean you're confused by the question what language are you thinking in for like when you're just alone by yourself like doing stuff and he was like i don't understand

the question and i was like i don't understand how you don't understand the question like when you're like putting cones down are you thinking okay so i have to put this cone down and this cone down what language is that and he was like i don't know i guess just whatever language i'm speaking in at the time is the language i'm thinking in and i was like that's when i realized it was like like you obviously like you guys get it like you think in english very clearly right i think that some people like see more abstract they don't necessarily have that voice in their head like it's like more abstract images not like a a physical voice. Anyways. I feel like when I try to think of a memory,

I think I just picture the scenery of it. Mine looks like someone painted it. It's not detailed though. If I'm picturing it, your face isn't detailed. It looks almost like Dementors in Harry Potter.

Okay. I think I feel that too then. That's probably similar to mine, where it looks like almost like uh like the mentors in harry potter which okay i think i feel that too then that's probably similar to mine where it's like i'm not looking at like every detail but i'm like you know like we were sitting by the pool and john was over there yeah like i get the gist yeah right right right but i guess that's a very hard thing to articulate if if we're not on the same page you know it's like what do you mean what do you mean what i mean what do you know it's like that's why I don't believe in Helen Keller. It'd be fucking impossible. We can all speak and hear and talk and we can't even figure out what the fuck we're talking about.

Imagine if I'm trying to have this conversation with someone who couldn't hear or talk. Fucking insanity. It's madness and gibberish as is. By the way, this is why going back to just KFC Radio is so much better because we could not have let this go on for like 40 minutes. It would have had to be like, we gotta go to the radio. Instead, we could just let Jackie go, it's code! It's code!

I have to say, you guys cannot let me go down this spiral because I do the same thing every time. We don't ever get anywhere. We gotta get Jackie and Frankie locked in a room together. I wanna lock Jackie and Frankie in a room and we'll just call them janky. And we just have like a speaker over like – we literally lock them in like a small room and then we is actually like an alien appearing in the sky? And that's what, you know, people in the early, early humans thought go and just watch them fucking scramble for an hour, then drop a new one.

And every hour, just watch them probably eventually kill themselves. I'm like the perfect candidate for a cult. You should totally change your phone background. Is your phone background still this is not real or something yeah i just changed it yesterday weird that you said that it's a simulation or instead of being a simulation we could have been talking about that topic just now wait what that's what made me think of it no but it's but it is weird that she just changed it yesterday yeah come on because then that makes me know we're gonna talk about this and that

actually goes with it this isn't real because it's all just a projection of my imagination it's not a projection of your imagination it's a conversation you're choosing to have no what but what if i this is the theory i believe less but like what if you're just projection of my imagination but i guess i guess to for a point for you like that's what a conversation is it's something you thought of and decided to say out loud yeah well it's like it's like you know how like no but i i don't actually i'm not following what you're saying well you're saying this conversation was a projection of your imagination yeah because okay it's weird that you just you know it's like it's like okay if you if you like something's coming up at work like a project at work and then that's

gonna come in your dream because it's on the top of your mind so it's weird that i just changed my background all of a sudden you're talking about changing my background crazy i i get yes in a sense but in another sense we were talking about simulations and your background was this is not real and i was like how about stop thinking like? And then maybe you'll stop thinking like that. Like stop being reminded of that every day. Yeah. That little camera just turned and looked at me, and I had like a minority report moment. I was like, I don't like this anymore.

I don't know what's going on. That thing's watching me. Next topic. We're done here. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by Ted on Peacock Bob Fox is bringing you This second ad read Bob Fox tweeted on January 15th at 1230 AM

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When I say the most ever, the worst ever, I'm going to kill myself. That's my way of just saying the thing. I just happen to be dramatic like that. What Allie Lottie, Juice WRLD's ex-girlfriend, is doing might be the most despicable thing, most despicable internet behavior I've ever seen. Allie Lottie, I think, was engaged to Juice WRLD. I think for the most part they were actually like a relatively low-key couple. Yeah, I never heard that name.

Yeah, that's what I mean. She's got an OnlyFans and all that shit that I'm about to tell you about. So she's not like just the girl next door hanging out in the shadows. But it wasn't like a celebrity couple that we all knew about. She's saying that hackers are going to release her sex tape with Juice WRLD, so she's gonna beat him to the punch and do it first. And let me read you her... First of all, let's say that's true. I don't think that's... I don't know.

I don't know what the rules to consent are and whatnot, but I don't know if you can go around posting sex tapes of dead people. I don't know. That's an interesting topic we can talk about. If I have a sex tape and you're dead, but you've got kids and a reputation and shit, like what happens there? Is there like – does like the estate have any say over it? I don't know. But it's like that's my – I made that tape. Like we did it. Like I do have possession of that. I am in it. It's know but it's like that's my i made that tape like we did it you

know like i do have possession of that i am in it it's my it's it's as much mine as it is his he's gone yeah you know what i've been noticing recently when i do these oh keep open when i've been doing um major freudian shit when i've been doing like sex hypotheticals i keep saying his like in this case i'm thinking of the girl spot but there's been times where i'm it's the dude a dude and i say him what the fuck was that about dude but like you know it's like my first thought would be like i don't know he's dead that doesn't matter anymore he's his his zeros and ones got deleted um can i also just say my second biggest conspiracy theory is that juice world is still alive that you were on that one heavy that one doesn't even have any good examples no i don't that one's not my strongest yeah and that's number two

can i ask number three i spent too much time on on time on the simulation one and not enough time on the Juice World one. So. He, like, I would think it would be like, yeah, that's your video to do with what you please. The other party's dead now. Yeah. It's like if you owned a house with somebody, I think, and they die, like,

you own the house now. But if there is, I could see, like, you put out my sex tape while, like, my kids are alive and shit. Does he have kids? No, but I'm saying those – that would be my thing. It would be like we kept that private when we were alive, and now that I'm dead, you're putting it out. So there's some legality. This is the conversation they had in the Warner Brothers boardroom in 2005. Whenever your Dark Knight came along.

Can we do this? But I think – oh, so then she goes on to say, hackers are trying to threaten me to leak my old – and she's doing this on her OnlyFans with like capital and bold and emojis. The title says, fucking my famous ex with a devil emoji. Hackers are trying to threaten me to leak my old sex tape, capitals, with my ex-fiance juice world emoji. I don't give a fuck anymore. I'll leak it myself.

It's been a long time since I've been fucked rough with some big black cock like this anyway. Capital letters. I'm so mad that I'm adding every nude I've ever sent to him. I know you will at least enjoy it. I can't believe I'm actually sending this, but I can't be threatened anymore. Check your DMs. That is

the grimiest shit I've ever seen oh and what's her only fans handle yeah like but i'll watch how much is it 1999 okay i actually no i don't think i would do that i would not i've always said i will watch anybody anybody's sex tape i think they have to be alive the even with porn when porn stars die, they're off my roster. You don't ever do a... You know how it skyrockets? I do the...

Do you do one last time? No, I also never had a figure of porn star die. One last... The August Ames was very pretty, but... I think August Ames is the Nipsey Hussle of porn. Where she wasn't that big, and then... But I think she was. guess i mean she must she must be on some level but and i know people get very like very defensive of nipsey hustle and i

i'm not trying to speak ill of the dead or anything but i think i've seen where it's like google mentions of him and it's like literally the world yeah and it all became like this guy's my favorite rapper and like r.i.p to him and like we need i had never heard of nipsey hussle never i had no i'm obviously like like rap fans would be like are you kidding me he's amazing but it's like that's that's my point august ames i i did not know of her until she passed i knew of her but she was she was like best friends with all the ones we know so she must have been like you know in the mix but uh but yeah that's my k marco was a big one she died right

yeah i remember he he was very very upset about that they're a good the whole office was so i think we're in the minority she was not okay maybe i'm wrong um but the uh that is i i didn't know what that was gonna say going into it that's that's tough that's tough that is like uh let's let's go to complete imagination fairy tale land and let's say hackers are doing this like you still wouldn't do this you know what i mean yeah you still would not do this certainly not for money certainly not for like check your dms for the price like that is is – you would not do that. You would be like – I would come out and be like the love of my life has passed away. I want you to know anything that comes out is not me.

There are people threatening to do terrible things. And if you see it, like that is not me and like please respect, blah, blah, blah, blah. You wouldn't be like, all right, I beat you to the punch yeah the the price the money too i mean if you're gonna be into the punch be like here it is free i guess i too for in the sake of you know it doesn't say like check your dms to buy it says check your dms to see i guess nothing here is literally saying price or or whatever but you know come on yeah also you know yeah you wouldn't just be like checking dms and like oh i'll send if you're sending it privately you're sending it for money because if the whole point is to take back the

power you would just put it out because if it's not like i would just wait until someone put it on sale i would play the game of chicken i'm like if they're gonna do it do it and then once they put it on sale i put it out for free right to fuck that over yeah yeah so obviously none of this is true and you're just doing this to make money and i think that should be like illegal i think it should be like a judge should be like i don't know what the legal precedent is but this is so goddamn shitty this is illegal yeah you know like we always talk about like in in in sports having like a common sense ref or law or something where it's just like this sucks yo like don't do this and if you do like we have to punish you just so it doesn't happen to other

people it's like daryl rebus yeah i i surely i i think we're past the time of non-consented nudes being put out there and i think he definitively didn't consent to this. But, yeah, there probably does need to be some precedent set on that where it's like can dead people consent? They can't. What? Is he though? Jackie's like he's alive, so it's fair game.

Imagine if this is what smoked out Juice WRLD. He came out and was like, no, that's my sex tape. I've been alive the whole time. Dude, that fucking mashup I sent the other day. Oh, my God. Dude, there's a mashup of it, of Blink-182, Adam's song, with a Juice WRLD song, and it's gay. What is it? It's Blink and Juice WRLD?

It's on YouTube. I'll put a's on youtube i'll put a little bit i'll play a little bit real quick it is i like to think that there's some mashup kfc radio fans like like a mashup dj or just a mashup listener who was listening to that last episode being like i feel so seen i feel so hurt yes mash culture. Mashup culture needs a comeback. We need the rise of mashups again. Dude, Jackie's rocking out to kids is so funny. Dude, you're doing the same thing. No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

So for people who don't know, Jackie and Fights both love mashups. Jackie chooses to listen to high school girls lacrosse pregame mixes. And John listens to like punk pop, punk rock emo mashes, which are definitely also teenage kids. These are all old songs so they have to be my age. I don't get there's still like emo like weird

freaks, like headbangers. My fucking 14 year old lacrosse girls would beat the shit out of your emo guy. No, we'd shoot you. Okay. Yeah. How does that usually work out for the popular athletes, Jackie?

Anyway, let me play Adam's song real quick. Wait, there it is. Right there. Dude, gas! It's fucking gas, Jackie! If I wasn't bitter about it, if you didn't come at my lacrosse girls, I would say that's pretty gas. But I don't like it. I don't's pretty gas. But I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I don't like it.

Not good. That one's about us killing ourselves, not lacrosse girls. Oh, I had a very embarrassing moment on The Dozen where I was finishing those lyrics. And it was lyrics I've been singing my entire life. And I was like, but I'm still so lonely. And I did it so my entire life. And it's like, I was like, but still, but, uh, but I'm still so lonely. And I like did it like so jacked up and it's just not the lyrics. I was like, dude, I always walked through the high school locker, like high school. Uh, it's definitely, what song is it?

Kanye, early Kanye. Um, like maybe 808s and heartbreaks. Okay. And it's, it's – I forget what it is. But Lonely, to be fair, Lonely is in the lyric, but it's not – but I'm still so lonely. Is it like in the – Yeah, yeah. That one?

Yeah, yeah. But this is the point. Like this is why – I actually – to give myself a little credit. The gist of the lyrics are still about being lonely. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. It's probably – you look stupid probably like singing it.

Yeah. But like I'm sure there's a bunch of people going, oh, I thought it was lonely too, not alone or whatever. There are so many lyrics. I mean,

like to this day, I'll listen to songs that are like 30 years old and pick up on something that I don't know. I don't know lyrics. Like that's, that's what I mean

when I say I don't like listening to music because it's obviously on. But like, I don't, I can't, I can't, I can't,

oh, I've said just five times on this episode today. But like I can tell you like what a song – It probably makes sense the way you think. Yeah. Like the way you have memories is probably the way you think about lyrics. I'm like, yeah. Your brain is probably –

I get it. It makes a lot of sense that your brain is wired that way. So you're like I listen to the beat. I get the idea. I understand what you're talking about. But I don't know whether you said alone or lonely or lonesome. Whatever. Who fucking cares?

That's why, though, when we do those ATI questions, like gun to your head, you have to sing the correct words. It's happy birthday. Zero. That's it. Happy birthday is the only one I got. National anthem, happy birthday. You could put my favorite song in front of me.

I mean, you could go back and watch it. Adam's songs, when I hear songs, I definitely didn't nail all those lyrics. I actually noticed, I thought that you were just off,

like it was, but I'm seeing now your aunt, like it's, it's queued up. It's just you. Well, John's also, also,

you're a little bit dumb. It's not, dude, I missed a, a dozen, we, we were like 14-0 in music last year. So we always double and it was a song that I should have got and I didn't and it's eating at me. Like it's just been on my mind for like four days. What song is it?

It was Walk It Out and I should get get that you know what's so funny though i when i hear walk it out i do not think of that as a real song anymore i think of that as penguins the the penguin no i think of the um the dystonia cheerleader oh yeah the chick who said she got uh the disease dystonia and could only walk backwards properly. That was a big time, like, old school blog thing. Woman got, like, a vaccination. And when she walks forward, she, like, trembles and shakes. But when she walks backwards, she's perfectly fine.

And it was obviously a complete lie. But they made internet memes of her where she would start walking like this. I'll walk you down. I'll walk you down. This is why I didn't go. Oh, yeah. But what's funny, like, this is going to be a nightmare for you with music, Jack. I know.

That has, like, an Andre 3000 verse. It's, like, a real, like, it's amazing. But to me, it's, like, like it's amazing but to me it's like they you know on the dozen they always play like one weird part of the song and it's like

I don't ever like listen to Walk It Out I just hear a clip of it on the internet that's just an internet song now so dude speaking of Andre 3000 I don't think we ever mentioned it

I'm one of like the 7000 people who listen to the full album but see I know the numbers when you listen to them I believe it was 17 000 like total people had just listened to the album and like 2000 had gone all the way through

correct and i was one correct it was like yeah it was it was low single digit thousands of people who listened to like every song on the album but john listened to it on a plane right i was i was just reading and i just wanted like non-lyrical background to kind of drown out conversations on a plane so like i'm not pretending to hear i was like i'm loving this album or like i couldn't tell you any of the things i bought it was like it just so i wanted sometimes i'll put on classical music i wanted i'll put this shit to go to sleep yeah it was like i just want to not hear other things and let my brain focus on the reading So I listened to it front to back

And then I think like two days later You were like Dude literally no one else did that It's crazy Although wait a minute Is this So You know what's wild

It's got millions of listens Yeah It's nice Because it's nice to just have on. But like... Like when an album drops... Okay, but wait. This is interesting.

This is kind of crazy. This is a perfect example of like... And I love Andre 3000 and I love that people like support him because like the world needs like artists like him. But like three... All of his top shit right now is his flutes. And if you are out there listening to the Andre 3000 flute album,

being like, this is a great album, you're just saying that because it's Andre 3000. Yes. Unless you're a flutist, flutist. Sure. And you know how the flutes are. If you're a flutist, flutist. Sure. And you know how the flutist is. If you're a big fluter, fine. But everybody else is doing this

not only because it's like celebrity culture where you stan everybody, but he's the type of guy who people like to say they support. Yeah. Nobody wants to be... People are like ashamed to be like a Machine Gun Kelly fan.

No one's like, oh, I listen to everything. People want to be like, I listen to all Andre 3000. Three Steps is the best. I'm not. I do that with people for sure. That is not what I'm doing. I know a few Andre 3000 songs. I like them.

But I'm not an Andre 3000 guy. In rap, he's revered. And he's great. And justifiably so. But we want him to rap, and now he puts out a flute album. And rather than, like, I didn't knock. I didn't, like, say, fuck this flute album. I was just like, okay, he put out a flute album.

I'm never going to listen to that. I don't listen to flute music. Yeah. The fact now that there's 6.7 million people who listen to, I swear I Really Wanted to Make a Rap Album. But what is it called? It's I Swear I Really Wanted to Make a Rap Album. But this is literally – I have to wait for the scroll. The Way the Wind Blew, I think.

Yeah. The Way the Wind Blew. I Wanted to Make a Rap Album. I Swear This is What Blew Me This Way. So it's like you're trying to be like, no, it's music, man. Come on. That's when I don't trust – that's why I can't trust anybody. There's a huge chunk of people on the internet that would argue with you that this is good music, man.

And it's like – how many other flute people do you listen to? It's good music for – Name one other flute song. What you're trying to do. Like sometimes I have like classical albums. I don't really do much anymore. But like – Trying to relax.

I'm cooking. You want to have a dinner party. And I would not be able to tell you what good flute music is. But there is – If I were to host an adult dinner party right now, I would probably go, oh, I'll put on Andre 3000. Yeah, yeah. And then I could say, this is actually the Andre 3000 song. Right, right, right.

And it's the vibe, and then it's a little more interesting than like elevator music. Oh, I put on Kenny G. Yeah, yeah. But like get the fuck out of here. We did Kenny G, didn't we? Yeah. Foreplay definitely did. Did we too?

Yes, we did. I think we did. It was fucking – it was good. I remember being like – because he said something – I think we made like a G-spot joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not needing to get air when he's eating out pussy. Yes, yes, – because he said something. I think we made like a G-Spot joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not needing to get air when he's eating out pussy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Fucking awesome.

Speaking of great interviews, Ricky Velez on the show today. Just one of the funniest dudes. He's the man. I really, really – I didn't even know how young he was. So he's only 30. He's your age, 34. So I remember –

I thought he was younger than me. I thought – You knew he was young? Because isn't Pete like 25? No, I don't think anymore. Or has Pete been 25 for 10 years? I think Pete's been 25 for 10 years. I think Pete's probably got to be early 30s now too.

Let's see. Pete. Because he was like 21 when everything first started. Oh, he's 30. So he still is younger. So he's a little older than Pete. I guess that makes more sense because I was going to say when I first saw Pete Davidson on stage, it was like right before he really blew up and Ricky Blais opened for him. And so I was thinking, you know, Ricky's got to be older by now.

That was so long ago, but he's still only 34. He's crazy young. The fact that Pete's only 30 is even crazier. That was so nuts me and caitlin went backstage at caroline's it was um ricky um jordan rock chris's brother and pete and all three of them fucking murdered but i was you know that was really before i went to a lot of stand-up comedy and knew uh you knew who anybody was. So I was like, I'm here for Pete.

And Ricky was so fucking funny. I was like, wait, the openers are that good? And then Jordan Rock burned it down. But we went backstage, and I have a picture of Pete just pointing to Caitlyn's belly with Shay. He's just like doing a goofy Pete Davidson thing. I think he kind of framed it. He didn't touch her. I don't think he was just like, hey, look, belly.

And then I don't even know how long after that he's banging Kim Kardashian. It's like, what the fuck, man? We just missed the – the podcast wasn't like, you know, nearly what it is now, and I, like, I wasn't in the mode of, like, yo, you gotta come on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think he probably would have at that point, because we had talked enough.

Yeah. I think we texted at one point. I think it was over the phone, so it was like, hey, I'm gonna come to your show. He was like, oh, come backstage, whatever, and now, you know, it's like, that shit has sailed. But it is funny talking your show. He was like, oh, come backstage, whatever. And now, you know, it's like, that ship has sailed. But it is funny talking with Ricky, who is like still, you know, he lives around the corner. And he was like, yo, like, I'd love to come by any time. And all the work he's doing is always with Pete.

You know what I mean? But some great stories, a great story about almost being robbed in Miami and life on the road and doing all sorts of writing and shit, movies, all the stuff he's doing with Pete. So Ricky Velez on the back half. All right, we wrap up today's TED Takeover on KFC Radio, courtesy of Barstool Nate. He's also on Twitter reviewing the new TED series. And Nate says, not to simp Peacock, but the new TED show is V-Funny. It has all the WWE pay-per-views, The Office, Parks, 30 Rock, and all the Harry Potters,

a bunch of other movies and shows. So go check out Peacock, not only for all that other catalog, but specifically the new TED series, Seth MacFarlane, comedic genius. They've got the perfect kid. He's really never missed, I don't think. Everything he does uses his extremely extremely popular or critically acclaimed right or mostly both and i was gonna say ted is probably gonna be both you know there's certain shows that people get on board like it's it's a feel good

and they all jump on board and you watch it and then you're like okay but this isn't really that funny it's not like okay we all feel good about it but it's not actually good ted has a little bit of both it's got that feel good because it's like young and nostalgic, but also it's got the cutting comedy where it's like these are actual jokes and they're not afraid to push the boundary, and that's what Ted is. That's Ted in a nutshell, and they brought it to TV. All available on Peacock with like everything else that Nate said, the entire catalog available to you.

So sign up and stream Ted along with all the other NBC properties now on Peacock. All right, voicemails, but real quick. Had my first basketball experience with Keegan, which is an entirely different vibe to me. Baseball is like Little League to me is like church. Going to baseball with Keegan, it's like the only reason to be a dad. But basketball is almost, in a weird way, it's like maybe not above it. It's different but in a bigger way.

Because I played basketball longer than I played baseball. So I played all through high school. It's not like I played on any major levels. But it was like that was when I was my own person. Like I trained and I wanted to like jump higher and learn and play better. So when I'm like – it's the first time I'm really like back in the gym. You know what I mean? Just being around like basketball culture again.

And so like I was like, oh, wow. It's just like the sounds and the smells and all that shit. And then it was the worst goddamn experience of all time. Basketball at that age is a nightmare. Baseball is hard enough, but it's like stand right here and try to hit the ball. And then stand out there and try to catch that ball and run to that square thing. It's a nightmare to explain all the other intricacies of pop know pop flies and tagging up and all that shit but the basics you know and and you could say the same about basketball get the ball put it in there but

it's like you got a dribble and you can't touch anybody and this you know you pass it here you pass it there then shoot all this shit nobody on the team is even strong enough i guess this league we play on 10 feet i don't know why i think you should play on the team is even strong enough. I guess this league, we play on 10 feet. I don't know why. I think you should play on 8 feet, maybe even lower at this age because kids can't fucking reach the hoop. They can't dribble. They don't understand anything.

But we got out there, and we were playing 8-minute quarters, which is like high school level. Four 8-minute quarters, not running clock. Like we were stopping the clock for out of bounds and stopping the clock every time the defense needed to fall back. There was no pressing, all that shit. It was, I think it was 2-0. It was either 4-0. It was 2-0 midway through the third quarter and uh and so keegan is six and i think this team is is all six year olds i think we were playing

some kids who were like seven uh there was this one kid who would just dribble once or twice and then grab the ball and run like five steps dribble once twice run the ball you run the ball, you know? So he was running all over the fucking court. This kid, I swear to God, shot the ball like 40 times. He was like, at the end of the night, he was probably like three for 40. They won six to two. But that two points was a basket from Keegan. And it was, I mean, an electric moment. For our team, who had a bunch of scrawny kids,

like, again, nobody could reach the fucking net, let alone get a ball up and over the hoop. But because we had a couple practices, and Keegan showed that he can get the ball up there, the play, if you will, was just like, try to pass it to Keegan, try to pass it to Keegan, try to pass it to Keegan. And these kids were a little bit older, and they would just swat the pass or just swarm him right away.

But the one play, he just passed, turned, didn't put the ball down. Just a true post-up move. Caught it, pivoted, and threw it up, and it goes in. And he's high-fiving people on the baseline one of the grandmothers of another kid on the team i don't even know goes on the court and hugs him it was i mean it was quite the scene for a single basket to be scored dang time big time so uh and then he And then he finished the night probably – he probably took four shots when it was all said and done. And he was two for four, but one of the other baskets was on the wrong hoop.

Because, again, like we had only practiced – when we practiced, we just like practiced on one hoop. And I was trying to explain to him. I said to him, okay, like today is a game. You're playing on two hoops. You shoot on this one. They shoot on that one. You have to stop them from scoring on that one. And I saw him look at me and go, okay.

And I was like, nothing. Not a single word. I saw those eyes. The words bounced right off your fucking head. You didn't get a single word of it in. But I told him, it's such a fine line of like, I remember finishing basketball being like i wish i was a chucker i wish i took 30 shots a game like all the glory is mine you know what i mean i'm i i went

seven for 25 but hey you know i put up 20 in that game um but instead i was always like make the extra pass and take a charge and get the loose ball and i was like fuck that i should have just like played for my personal self. And then we get there, and I'm watching them tell, get the ball to Keegan, get the ball to Keegan. And I'm like, I don't want it to be the ball hog. Kid's going to think that. But I did tell them at one point, I said,

if you get the ball and you are anywhere near the hoop, you fucking shoot it. I didn't say fucking, but. And then it took me very literally. Got a rebound from the other team on their side of the court and put it right back up and in. And I was like, hey, it went in, dude. It went in. And he was like – but this is how I know he's going to be competitive and alleged.

He was like, it counted for the other team. And he said that to me very seriously. I gave the other team points. What are you, an idiot, dad? Yeah, basically. I was like, all right right let's go let's go but watching like scrawny little kids try to play basketball is you know somehow some way in baseball they actually make contact every now and then and it's like oh wow like hit it to the

outfield basketball is a tough one it's gonna be it's gonna be hard for a little while i always played did you play on you play basketball i played yeah mean, I did the kid stuff. Like for a team? I played CYO probably in middle school. I feel like I played on eight feet for a while. I don't have hard memories of it. I feel like I played until like fifth, fourth, fifth grade. So when you're six and you're trying to shoot on a 10-foot hoop, it's like literally the pros do this. Yeah, yeah.

That's kind of crazy, right? LeBron James and Keegan are shooting on the same hoop. That seems a little wacky to me. But anyway, that's begun. So, you know, we were arguing with Steve-O about having kids. It's, like, the only reason so far. When your little girl makes you, like, feel like when you do, like, some daddy-daughter shit, and when your son plays sports,

it's pretty cool. That's it. Otherwise, it sucks. Voice emails. Hey, guys. I got kind of an old-school KFC Radio Would You Rather style question for you. Would you rather every day when you leave your house or apartment have to swim through

an entire Olympic-sized swimming pool, and you get that chlorine stickiness and stink all over you every day, or every day have to wear a bathing suit. So again, you could pick anything you want to wear on top, but your bottom is always a bathing suit. Both these apply for every situation, whether you're going to work, going to a wedding, going to a funeral. Let me know.

Viva. I think it's the pool. And I think you embrace – I always say if I – like everybody always says swimming is the best thing you can do for your body. It works out like 80 muscles at a time. Yeah. And if you can just swim every day, like you would be in shape, but it's just kind of logistically hard to do that. If I had some weird world where I had

an Olympic pool, and every time I left the house, I got that workout in, it'd be good for me. Plus, I mean, trying to put on a suit with bathing suits, like trying to pull on some pants over a bathing suit? I mean, dude, I... We're not doing speedo.

Let's do early 2000s board shorts i mean i do i live that life for middle school i just have like baggy shorts under my shorts i remember doing basketball shorts as boxers every now and then i but i remember being like this is ridiculous it's so bunchy and like i can't i think my groin area can take a beating. I think, bro, I got – I think it's – Define a beating. What does that mean? Just like I'm used to the – it doesn't affect me.

Like it's – But like it's like the discomfort. It's not pain. But like you don't get bothered by, bunched up underneath your pants. You always talk about wearing boxers. Bro, I'm wearing a thong right now. What? Like, my underwear right now is up like this.

I don't know why. Why? Right now, my briefs i'm wearing are actually particularly long today they go down to here right now they're up here and you just don't fix them like you just went to the bathroom right now you just left it what are you gonna do fix them you're just gonna go like that like you're good it is uh but that but like i think the thong is like the opposite. I think I could wear a thong before I could wear a bathing suit everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a thong is just like – But what I'm saying is like things just get bunched up down here and it's just all part of the mess. It's all just – it's all just – I think I would be – I think the only issue I would have is if it's with the one with the net in it. I was going to say net or no net. If you're going net, then I'll probably end up cutting myself. You ever like – You mean –

No, no, like having cuts in my groin. Oh, I went – I thought you meant cut it out and then we said no. I think it's because when I sit I slouch a lot like this and everything starts to ride up that elastic around your eye I've had beach vacations that end with both my groin tendons just like

sliced you know the net is terrible I hate the net the net is no good but then I also understand the logic of the net sometimes where I'm like oh oh, I'm flopping around here. This is not great. But I'm always flopping.

No, you're not. I stay flopping. No, you don't. I think I do. You're never flopping. You wear boxer briefs. But I guess I never feel secure. I don't know if it's floppy then.

I've been to the public pool, and I'm wearing a thin bathing suit, and I don't have the net and i'm like there's the tip of my dick but that's like around like children and families and stuff like there's the tip of my cock yeah but when you're walking around like say you're at a friend's pool like are you like i'm out of control right now no because at least i'm around adults but i I'm always like, there's the tip. So sometimes I'm like, I could use another layer there. But obviously, I can't put underwear on. So what's the solution? A net that doesn't really soak up water. But yeah.

What you need is a pair that has a thicker pair that has like a thicker like Velcro spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like that's just the Velcro. That's the board shirt. The board shirt though. You end up with a fucking rash. Yeah, right on your pee sheet. Right on the tip.

That's tough. My buddy once peed in the same bathing suit so much that it got like a stain. And I'll never forget him being like, we were talking, do you pee in the pool? Do you pee in the ocean? Do you get out of the water? And I was kind of like, I'll just piss my pants right here, dude.

I don't give a fuck. And he was like, yeah, me too. And he's like, but you got to be careful because if you do it too much, it does get a little discolored. And he said it. It was kind of like we're in the trust tree. It was like, yeah, I don't go to the bathroom. I'll pee in the pool, whatever.

And then he said that. And I was like, you piss so much in the same underwear and the same bathing suit that it got discolored. And he was kind of like, what? Now we're judging? I was like, well, I just didn't think you walked around with, like, a yellow stain in your fucking bathing suit. His bathing suit looks like my pillow. Pillows really are. Pillows are so disgusting.

And how? How does that happen? Swear a lot. But like you don't it's not like you go to bed like you just hit the gym. You know what I mean? Like you lay your head down and it's sweaty. And like if you wake up in a pool of sweat, it's like a thing. Oh, my God, I'm sick or I'm hungover or the air conditioner is not working.

Like so you might get hot here and there, but you don't wake up wet. And through those pillowcases into those pillows on the other side is yellow, brown disgustingness that can't be stopped. Once it's there, you can't wash it out. You can't fix it. Same thing with the mattress, dude. I can't even imagine how yellow. When was the last time you changed your pillow? I got new pillows recently.

I remember I texted Dave. I actually don't really like those pillows. Yeah, those are terrible pillows. I didn't really like it. They're too soft. It's a preference thing. I like a harder pillow, I think. So my favorite pillow – I did the laundry yesterday.

My favorite pillow, it turns out, is the yellow one. The yellow one? Yeah. Yeah, it's the one you've been laying on forever but man when i see those i remember the first time i learned that like as a kid i was like what is that and my mom was like that's just like you oh my god disgusting girls have that too girls pillows are gross too don't think that you're immune from it. You're disgusting also. How yellow is your pillow, Jackie? I don't – I can't look. I mean like I – that's fine.

It's like an average pillow. Average yellow? There's only one that's like that I think. But that's one that I can't think about bad. It's like it grosses me out. I guess sometimes i like i put it like under my arm so it's like my armpits legs you know it's disgusting i just got silk pillowcases just by the way cute game changer silk pillowcases that's for your hair right

that's for wrinkles wrinkles okay yeah anyways jackie is having a crisis yeah yeah a crisis did something happen is there like a younger girl that like something happened that is you know like i think just tiktok like it it's like every single time i've gone to also sephora i think the chicks in the office just talked about this too it's like i don't know what's happening on tiktok but like all these girls on like are like there's these 10 year olds are just flooding sephora i can't get anything any of the beauty products that i want my i like look british because my makeup is all like the bad stuff because all the fucking 10 year olds are taking the good shit i look british

no like it's just like i don't know that's hilarious i did see it's funny you say that we went uh to a rock climbing place the other day with the kids i did like a like a uh uh play date thing like i picked up a friend for keegan and a friend for shay put him in the car so i was like the one like the parent oh that's that's never a spot i want to be in but as we were walking in with like a thousand other kids there was like four you know pre-teen girls that were clearly on like a birthday or like a day out sort of thing all had bags from Sephora. And I did notice it because I was like,

what the fuck is this? What are you getting from there? So I guess they're swiping up all the beauty products and these old bitches like Jackie. And these 10-year-olds, what do they fucking need it for? You don't have skin problems.

You know that everyone who's older than you says the same thing about you, you dumb bitch. I know, I know, I know. You're the 10-year-old to them, you moron. I know.

What's up, KFC? Fights. Been a listener since 2015, pretty much every podcast. I'm a second-year medical student now, and I've been listening to you guys be wrong about the human body for about eight years, give or take, and so

I'm appointing myself as KFC Radio's medical correspondent but fights talking about the colostomy bag um you can't feel when it comes out your large intestine where the colostomy bag is attached to is just autonomic nerves it means that your brain knows what's going on but your body doesn't feel it the only part of that whole process that you feel is that you're a legitimate asshole with your somatic nerve so that's why you can tell like oh like i gotta go to the bathroom and you can hold it but also when you're taking out the colostomy bag or using a colostomy bag you're taking out a portion of your intestine that takes like the water and the

moisture out of your shit so not only is no cost cost me back something that you're not in control of, it's just like a gross sludge. So yeah, it'd be great for road trips, but imagine going on a date and taking your shirt off and not realizing that you have a pound of shit sludge underneath your shirt

when you go see your date. Just something to think about. That changes the answers. That changes the answers a lot. Dude, every day going home, taking your shirt off, you're like, I hope I didn't shit my shirt today. It's tough. I shit my shirt.

No, but I guess what he's saying is when you shit yourself, it's because there's the natty splatties. It's like an explosion. If this part of your big intestine is not, if it's like an explosion if if this part of the of the of your big intestine is not if it's just sludge you can't ever like it's not gonna like go everywhere yeah i mean unless the bag malfunctions then you got a real fucking problem but uh i like this idea of medical correspondent yeah i think this guy this guy has carte blanche call as much as you want and i'm sure it's often uh Call in to correct anything we

say incorrect. Within reason. If it's a topic, like if we just say something wrong offhand, but if it's like if it decides a conversation or is the featured topic, you can call in and tell us the real deal, because I can't even imagine how wrong. I would love, this

is where I wish AI, maybe AI, we can use this going forward. I've always wanted to have more access access to the the library of kfc radio where it's like we talked about that go find it if we could just have a super cut of like all of the wrong medical stuff we've ever said oh my god it'd be fucking incredible i'd like a doctor to tell me what's wrong with me right now i just i just started sweating and I can't stop yawning. You've gone like 25 times in a row. You're cautious. And, uh,

you look terrible right now. You were fine. And now you look like you're like, I don't know what happened, but something flipped. I've been sick for a while. Oh, great.

And, uh, yeah, it's, uh, all right. How about we do one more voice? We'll get the fuck out of here.

It is. I can't stop sweating. I'm like, I can't stop moving. I, I, you're, are you, are you tweaking right now, man?

It's not good right now. Dude, I've had the hot flashes hit me. I used to kind of laugh at women in menopause. A hot flash, what, you get hot for a little bit? This happened to me. Everybody knows I'm a sweater. I'll be on the show, and it just hits you like a wave. It's like, I must be 110 degrees right now.

I start sweating, and then it'll just go away eventually. Not too long, and it's like i must be 110 degrees right now and i start sweating and then like it'll just go away eventually like not too long but it's like dude are you all right yeah yeah that's probably a good idea maybe it's your underwear hey guys i have a story it's kind of long bear with me so i have two sets of married friends and they're kind of the core of our friend group um they host things they organize things yada yada i know all of my friends because of them and we live in a small town in montana um and so apparently the past three years these four tell me they're swinging have been in a polyamorous relationship and i had my suspicions they definitely weren't

subtle about it they were definitely really flirty and handsy when they got drunk. And I was like, what's going on there? But it recently, like, came to a head. And so for three years, these two married couples were together. So basically you had your wife and your girlfriend. And then, you know, they had their husband and their boyfriend. And so it was heterosexual swapping, I guess. And they were going trips together and

they basically lived all together it was this whole thing they live they have an apartment and a house and they live like three blocks away from each other um and so one of the married couples was on their weekend or was on a weekend trip for like their anniversary. And the guy from the other couple, he was in the same city for like a concert and he ended up at the same bar they were at. And the husband and wife, they were there at the bar, they were having a good time.

And when he showed up, she basically ditched her husband and was all over the boyfriend. And he was like, all right, like I understand that you're in a relationship with him. And's like it's our it's our marriage anniversary like it's supposed to be a badass and it kind of blew up and ended up being like a it's him or me situation and she chose the boyfriend and so now two marriages donezo they're both getting a divorce and they're swapping partners um and i guess the other two are together by default, although they definitely rationalize it and they make it seem like it worked out for the best, which maybe it did.

I don't know. But I got told this on a Wednesday and by Saturday I was helping them swap houses and swap lives, essentially. And the two guys, they work together, and it is so incredibly uncomfortable. The whole friend group is basically, like, combust. Yeah, it's over. It's awful. They were all really close friends. They were best friends.

That's why, I guess, they got together, and that's totally done now, and there's a little bit of a bad blood, and this happened in, like, late October, so there's been time to settle down, and it seems like it's going okay for the new couples but it is so fucking weird and I want to know all of your thoughts on it

and I'm sorry this is a long video but please bear with me. Okay, bye-bye. This is like those pictures in the Yankees that swap families in the 70s. I don't know that. It's like the least talked about sports story ever that should be the most talked about story ever. I don't even remember their names. They're not that good. Two guys in the 70s on the Yankees swapped families, kids, wives.

They just – the whole fucking thing on the same team. Steinbrenner's best GM move ever. It's one of the least – like I don't know. Maybe because they just weren't good enough pitchers, but they, like, to me, that's like Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson. They swapped wives and took families in 1972 ahead of the 1973 season. Both players lived in New Jersey with their families and were good friends. We didn't just swap wives. We swapped lives.

This, I think, works because it was two dudes, two teammates in the 70s who just said, we're doing this. And I'm sure a bunch of women and children who didn't have rights then were like, okay. Nowadays, in this era, I think that will happen like 100% of the time. It just takes such a specific sort of person to be able to do this, and that means you need to have four of those or six of those or eight of those or however many of those. Because if one person is off, the whole thing's going to eventually crumble you're only

as strong as your weakest polyamorous link you know you're only as poly as your weakest link and that so like at some point someone's catching feelings yeah always and they're the wrong feelings like i'm catching feelings with a person i fuck who i don't live with like right right right no shit yeah like and on the other side of things like i i'm catching feelings that my wife is fucking someone else on my anniversary like yeah you're allowed to catch feelings yeah that's that's the problem is like in these poly worlds that guy's like the loser that guy's the one who's you know impeding on like our lifestyle or whatever like because you because i'm mad that on my fucking anniversary you're banging somebody like yeah i i guess when you make when you deal you come up with one of those like

contracts i don't know you got on the contract i like to think of the husband who who just doesn't want to be with the other wife it's like you guys gotta work it out so well that's the thing she made it sound like they swapped i guess the wife who doesn't want to be with the other husband, which is the one who was home, she's like, no, you guys are going to get divorced. No. Right. Fuck.

That means I have to be with fucking you. He was like, I was interested in fucking you. He was kind of like, I allowed it. But they've been swapping heterosexually, she said. So, like, the wives have been fucking the other husbands. But I was like, there's a difference between I'll fuck you and I want a relationship with you. True. But you would think, like, in this case, that's interesting you say that.

Because, like, most people, it's usually like, I want the boyfriend, like the girl. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't want to be in my lame old marriage. I want the exciting boyfriend. But I think when you've been through like a shitty relationship where you're no like, I just want to fuck you. I don't want to deal with all the other bullshit. We're in a small Montana town. There's no one else.

We've been doing this forever. I got to start dating that guy now? Fuck this, dude. He's got an apartment. I have a house. Also, though, but like the friend group, goodbye. Yeah. These two groups ever trying to like be social again, goodbye.

That is an atomic bomb. Oppenheimer, that shit. That is done. You cannot talk about like anything ever again. You get that group all together and someone's like, so did you – do you think that was really AI with George Carlin? How about we all talk about how we fucked each other into oblivion because that's what happened here and we're all just gonna pretend it didn't get the fuck out of here uh i'm always so interested in people who can pull it off i i personally know like one one person who who does it and like seems to to live the most awesome life.

But it's so, so rare. It's just impossible to... And if it's going good, it's going good right now. Technically, theoretically, if you're doing it with your husband and wife and shit, you're doing it forever. And at some point, you're going to

catch feelings. Especially, like, you think... If you're, like, poly in, like, you think if you're like poly in like your 20s it's very different than your 30s that's very different than your 40s right it's like everyone's

gay in college bro but like the amount of my horny levels are so shockingly much lower than they were

even like five years ago let alone like ten years ago. It's just... And like another ten years? I don't know if I'll ever use this dick again. But I've got to keep up with like a poly couple?

Nah, bro. That's why all of these things, every relationship, monogamous or otherwise, should have opt-outs every two years. And then you can decide. Like, listen. I mean, if you got balls, you got to opt out every day. True.

You can always opt out of relationships. And if you can't, call the police. But, you know, opt out in the sense of like, you know, the pineapple emoji I always talk about. You can just say, I opt out, and you're done. You don't need to explain. There's no closure. There's no answers. I'm out. I'm done. There's no guilt. I think people

who, when you get dumped, it sucks, but when you make the other person feel guilty, that sucks too. Whether you're posting stuff on the internet, or killing yourself whatever it may be it's like it sucks for the dumper too it really does i know people you know it's like i'm i'm the one who's mean you're the one who gets sympathy i'm the one who's the asshole so on top

of like losing the relationship i'm also an asshole so don't make me feel guilty about it that's the opt-out would just be like you you're not allowed to do anything to make this harder for me. That's the opt-out. All right, let's get into it. Ricky Belez on KFC Radio, one of our all-time great guests. Let's do it.

How old is your son now? Five. Five, no shit, dude. He's eye level of when you wake up. Yo, don't they do that when they like, they kind of like stare at you? Do you have that? Sometimes I wake up and they're staring, they kind of, like, stare at you?

Do you have that? Sometimes I wake up and they're staring at me, and I'm like, were you about to do something? Were you about to, like, try to murder me? What's going on here? He's very funny. He's very funny. He's so great, man. He's, like, in Taekwondo.

He's getting belts and shit. Kevin is insane. What belt are you at? I don't know, man. I change, like, weekly. One second. Master So, though. That motherfucker's cool. Master So.

For me, it's Master O. Oh, okay. So we got the same shit. Yeah, he does martial arts twice a week. And so at least his whatever, his dojo. You get stripes on your belt, right? Yeah. And then you get a new belt.

And then you get a new belt. And so my son – We just belted up. Yeah. So every time he doesn't get a new stripe, he's like – he thinks he's – he's like, I'm graduating like every day. It's not like that. It takes a couple weeks. The master sees you like growing and doing better and then he'll give you – it's's not like every single day dude he's like no no it was the one thing my kid wasn't good at and

then we forced him to stay in and he loves it now i'm almost the opposite oh really like i i'm so i wish i did it as a kid i didn't do any of that and i wish i did because i think it like keeps you in shape and it does it helps with his focus and discipline and all that shit um and he was a master so cool as hell he'll just push the kid over like i see him like if i did that in the house my wife would call cps right master so just pushes him over and stuff it's the next step he's about to take a test he's about to take a test to see if he's like old enough and smart enough and good enough to do sparring and i think so my kid's not too far behind yours yeah he's six yeah so okay yeah he's probably like just and they probably

started you know so yeah he's about to start like weapons like last year you know not yet so we were about to do it and he was like he's his birthday cut off you know that whole thing so i was like wait one more year till he's really like handling himself and then we're gonna start punching people and shit and i'll tell you what man um i don't know you know i can root for my son to get a hit or score a basket or whatever am i supposed to like root for him to beat up your your child you know if i'm gonna get him get him yeah i don't know if i'll be able to watch that. I can't watch a loss. I'll run in there and knock him over. I got to treat him weird around the house for a day or so. Oh, man.

Damn. He lost the fight in front of a crowd. That's bad, bro. That's a lot to take on, a lot of pressure. So I don't know how that's going to go. That's going to change you, man. We're still underneath. Five is so fun, though.

Five is like his imagination is hilarious. We had a bunch of fun with Elf on the Shelf this year. Elf on the Shelf was starting shit. I had him ripping up money. I had him fucking the house up. I'm wondering. Elf on the Shelf made my kid cry twice in one week, and my wife was like, he needs to chill.

He needs to chill. Wait, wait, wait. What made him cry? He smashed a Lego set, and dude, dude. Bro. He's mischievous. This is the answer, because I can't stand Elf on the Shelf. I'm always like, I got to write a new note and come up with a new thing.

Bro. If you just fuck around with it, it's a great time. It's fun as hell, and it was that and the money and then um my wife how much money you rip up it was a fake bill okay but my kid thought it was real so he was just like i don't know what to like he was like we gotta tell santa like it was like a whole like thing it was awesome you can't go to school all stressed out smoking cigarettes at recess. I lost 100. The Elf's causing a ruckus again out there. Dude, I took the Elf and I put him in front of our security camera without my hand showing. And I showed it to the kid.

And he showed the whole schoolyard. I'm telling you, he's going to get kicked out of the school. It's going to be great. That's fucking great, man. I'm always wondering how long, like, when he shows that to some kids at school, you he's gonna get kicked out of the school it's gonna be great that's fucking great man yeah i'm always wondering how long how like when you show it when he shows that to some kids at school no i'm happy nobody tells him i'm waiting for like one bully or some shit to be like you know no this is fucking real right yeah yeah i i worry about that kid um because i was him

clearly though him as a child or him as an adult but i grew up with two brothers so it was like i like that is like i don't know i think i figured out a little too early how old were you probably probably around five six yeah that's a little early bro yeah that sucks you lost out on a few years of magic yeah i mean i think i was pretty early too i was like it depends if you went to public school yeah did you have any jewish friends any jewish kids going this isn't fucking real we don't even do this no i can't remember that i just i yeah i don't know i don't know who ruined it for me i remember my brother bugging over the easter bunny really yeah i don't think i give a shit

about the easter bunny oh, I love the Easter Bunny. I sneaky liked Easter, my Easter presents more. Worst meal, though. Terrible meal. Ham. Ham. Ham and beans. It smells like that. Ham and beans, bro. Beans? Are you British?

It was ham and beans and one time, like one time, you know how you kind of like garnish the ham with a pineapple sometimes? Yeah. Like one time I took a bite of the pineapple and I was like, oh, this is good. And my aunt shoved it down my throat for like the rest of my life. She would be like, you love the pineapple, right? She would like do pineapple things for me every fucking Easter. I was sitting there shoveling new pipes.

Your swinger aunt. Yeah. For real. I didn't learn about that one until pipes. Your swinger, Anne. For real. I didn't learn about that one until later. What were you doing, Anne Eileen? Just saying beans like, maybe remember the, like Why do we hate

British beans? Because it's British. Just the presentation. I mean, their presentation is really bad. It is utterly disgusting and we talk about how much it makes you fart and shit and stuff. But like, Mexican beans were cool. That's a good point. It's a really bad. It is utterly disgusting, and we talk about how much it makes you fart and shit and stuff. But, like, Mexican beans were cool. That's a good point. That's a great point.

It's presentation. It's presentation. But I don't know. Look how nice the beans look. Yeah, they're wrapped up in a taco rather than on a splatter. Rather than just on a piece of bread. Dude, I was in England. I went to a Liverpool game, and I woke up the morning of so hungover, and we had to, like, eat so we could get to the game.

And I couldn't stomach anything, and I went downstairs in the hotel, and they were like, what are you doing for breakfast? I was like, I just do a bowl of beans. And they thought I was the most insane person I've ever met in their life. Delicious. The fact that you couldn't stomach anything, most people go with a toast. It was like you went with a bowl of beans. The meats and stuff, I knew I needed a little protein,

a little calories. I was like, let me just get a bowl of beans. I was like, what is wrong with you? I just like that you can just eat meat in the morning and that you're up.

That's the dopest thing. There's just a full charcuterie board there. I didn't know I could eat meat this early. Let's go. You ever eat liverwurst? Nah, I don't even know.

Maybe. Maybe. We were having this debate this week. Some people here treating liverwurst like i don't even know maybe maybe we were we're having this debate this week some people here treating liverwurst like it's goddamn filet mignon and then i thought i was gonna be like surprised like oh my god i i i had you wrong liverwurst and then i had some liverwurst and i was like nope i had you right liverwurst this shit is gross yeah i don't i i really didn't eat a lot of food up until a couple years ago like it was really like food it was like strictly like chicken nuggets and laced potato chips

like for real and then i started eating cheese and stuff and that was wild you started eating cheese yeah like so the first thing you added to the repertoire was cheese no so i got put on the road with aziz ansari and he's like mad into food like he does all the food like you do like three meals a day with him right and like he just started being like will ricky eat it and like we just like it just got crazy but was it like yeah so was it like but i find shit out of love or was it like you know indian sometimes it wasn't you sometimes he he does it all yeah no he does it all yeah all. Some of the best food I've ever had was in London. Really?

Yeah, Riverside Cafe is one of the craziest restaurants I've ever had. Rabbit ravioli. Whoa. That sounds awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you know where to go, it's sick. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that's like anywhere.

I don't think of like English cuisine, but if you have like the best restaurant in London, I'm sure it's fucking 10 out of 10. But like growing up as a kid, you didn't have hot dogs, hamburgers, turkey sandwich. I had everything plain. Everything plain. Like noodles plain. Everything. Yeah, no. I didn't like taste for years, man.

I didn't like it at all. Candy. No, not at all. Unless it was A1. I put A1 on everything. Just willingly. I was like a young Trump, dude at all. Unless it was A1. I put A1 on everything. Just willingly ignoring one sentence. I was like a young Trump, dude. Seriously.

What would you put A1 on? What's up? What would you put A1 on? Everything. Why wouldn't you put A1 on? A1's incredible. Like you have a sandwich, put A1 on it. Absolutely.

Absolutely. A turkey sandwich, put some A1 on it, dude. Are you kidding me? I put A1 on a salad. Are you out of your mind? A1 was delicious. A1 on it. Dude, are you kidding me? I put A1 on a salad. Are you out of your mind? A1 was delicious. A1 is the definition. I think A1 is like an entire paradox where it's like steak sauce that I think anybody who would prepare you a nice steak would be like, if you ever put that on my steak, I'll kill you.

Yeah, for sure. It's like, so how does a steak sauce that nobody wants you to put on their steak exist? Imagine if it wasn't. Like, imagine if you just had that sauce in the kitchen. You'd be bragging about it all the time. I do think they had a little bit. They got a PR issue. Like, no.

Oh, A1, A1. When a steakhouse does that, I'm like, yeah, still bring it out. Yeah. Still bring it out. Got it in my bag. Bring it with you. Yeah. Dude, there's a house in Newport, Rhode Island that was built by the creator of Worcestershire sauce.

Say it again? Worcestershire, right? I have no clue. I full-blown said the whole thing. I say Worcestershire. Worcestershire. I don't know how to say it. But it's got like 17 chimneys and all of them look like a Worcestershire bottle.

It's fucking sick. That's pretty cool. That's what A1 is, right? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Because A1 is like a brown tangy. A1 is made by the gods. I think there's Worcestershire sauce in it.

There might be. Let's see. If you can make it, man, you'd be a millionaire. I think my mom used to make our own A1 sauce. I could be obviously very wrong on this, but that's the... My kid thinks it's daddy's special sauce. I mean, it is, bro. It is.

What is A1 made of? Tomato puree. I don't need that. I need like the flavoring of it or whatever. It's not like a flavor. It's just its own thing. Bro, it just says it's a brand of brown sauce brown sauce sold in from 1831 as a condiment for fish meat and fowl so it's actually from the uk i would have thought that was an american thing but yeah there's no like definition of it like it's not like a spicy hot sauce.

It's just like a fucking brown sauce. It has tomato puree, raisin puree, onions, corn syrup. No, no Worcestershire. I fucked up. But I think you're thinking, I mean, Worcestershire sauce is like a steak. Yeah, they're probably

brown sauces. Yeah. I don't even think one spicy one's not a one bro that's so funny this is so white trash dude absolutely yeah yeah i love there's certain things that i i make fun of white trash a lot but then if i do something that's white trash i admit it and i know it and i love it and i embrace it i think it white trash? I think so, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I would say so.

I would... I think it's maybe not white trash. I'm trying to be fancy and I have no idea. People think that that's fancy. You know what I mean? Maybe. Maybe. You just like it.

You like it. I'm not saying you're trying to be anything by it, but you know what I mean? I mean, I guess. I don't know. I feel like it's everywhere like how could it be trashy because we're in america i was gonna say that is our national pastime we're kind of pieces of shit bro he just told me the almost unbelievable fact about being a spy tell him oh dude did you so i was reading like a thread the other night. I actually got two fun thread facts for you. Two fun facts.

Let's hear it. Yeah, one, this one can't be true. This one was – I was reading a thread about people who used their 15 minutes of fame properly and became stars from it. And the question was like who are some of the best. And some examples were like Dr. Phil, Guy Fieri. I didn't know Guy Fieri just won. He won a cooking show. I didn't realize that.

And then got bigger. Bad Baby, stuff like that. And then someone jokingly was like, Jared Fogle kind of nailed it. I mean, it's not a joke. He did kind of nail it. I guess it was a local paper wrote about him. That turned into a commercial deal, which turned into 15 years of an international celebrity. And then things kind of went off the rails.

But someone replied. He had a good run, though. He did have a good run. Someone replied that they went to Indiana. And on Indiana's campus, the rumor was that there was a subway in his building. And he used to go there all the time. But he creeped out the teenage girl who worked there. I bet he did.

And so they moved her to a different location. And then he would start walking to that one to see her. And that's why he started walking. No way. It sounds like a college town rumor. That's why he lost the weight. It was to creep. Yeah.

It was a side effect of pedophilia. How'd you lose your weight? I'm a pedophile. Become a pedophile and put a little kid two miles away. And you will do the miles. You will get your steps in, bro. You will get your steps in. Dangle a fucking child in front of me and I will keep on walking.

He was like the human version of Greyhound Dogs with a carrot. It was just like... I just find it hard to believe that he was like, I can commercialize this. Yeah, yeah. Like, this is where, you know what? All this creepiness has paid off. We were going through... Call an agent.

Call an agent. I got it. I'll bring a big pair of pants. They'll get it. We were going through his photo album the other day. Not his photo album, but his Google. What's a photo? Wait, there's a photo album. You were going through Jared photo album the other day not his photo album but his Google what's a photo

wait there's a photo album you were going through Jared Vogel's photo album it was like a bunch of terabytes it was hard to sift through we just did a Google image search he was with from 90

whatever year it was even younger than that I'm sorry mid 90s to like 2010 if you can think of a celebrity from that era there's a picture of him with Jared Vogel it's crazy here's another thing that I know I'm sorry, mid-90s to 2010. If you can think of a celebrity from that era, there's a picture of him and Jared Fogle. It's crazy.

Here's another thing that I know I'm trashy about. My parents used to be like, yo, look at him. Look how much weight he lost. We should eat something. It is healthy. I feel like it's got to be healthy. And for years, we ate that sweaty meat. It's so sweaty for no reason.

Sweaty meat and yoga mat bread. That one is yoga mats. Oh, no. Yeah, they had plastics. There's something sweaty for no reason. Sweaty meat and yoga mat bread. That one is yoga mats. Oh, no. Yeah, they had plastics. There's something in those breads. There's no other bread on the planet Earth like that. Subway in particular, I think, is like a real, I think, a guy thing. We were talking about it out there.

We're like, girls, is Subway popular? It's literally the most popular restaurant in the world. It's got the most brick and mortars of any restaurant, including McDonald's. No, it's not bigger than McDonald's. Yes, it is. More stores. At least in America. More stores.

How many times do you pass those stores and the guy's sleeping in the back? I bet they don't make more money. It doesn't work like McDonald's. No, but don't talk about the arches like that. There's one right here on, it's like 28th and 7th, right around here. It's now like a falafel place, whatever, right?

But I walked into it, and I was like, this used to be a subway. I could tell by the layout. There was a counter. There was these tables, you know, and I was like, this was absolutely a subway. And I looked it up, and it, like, closed, like, last year and became, like, a local spot. became still like a local spot yeah i could see like that that that the wall was the same the floor was like when they try to make pizza huts like banks now it looks like it's from the park chase why is it so greasy in this chase but the the other thread i just read was it was about um like things that americans do that americans don't know it's just them who do it and someone said that you know who again this

is on reddit so who knows what's what but it was that in the cia love it do the front page reddit i'll fucking smash but the the uh the cia one of the first things they teach spies is how to unlearn leaning. Because leaning is something only Americans do. Dude, false. Believe it or not. That's not true. Everybody all starts sitting up here. Nobody leans.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking? Like, I mean. Like, you'll never catch, like, a Spaniard. How often do you see Bond just, like, smoking that cig, leaning, bro? He's got the martini. Yeah, bro. They stay leaning, bro.

But he's a spy, bro. Maybe he's trying to blend in. He's a British spy. Yeah, yeah. He's trying to look American. Yeah, and by the way, if I saw somebody not leaning, I'd be like, look at this spy over here. He's weird. This guy hasn't leaned all night, dude.

That's fucking weird, man. You're 100% right. Either he is on the spectrum or he's a spy. Dude, there's a perfectly good doorframe right there. Why are you standing up? Let's see this. Non-Americans share 20 things that immediately give away American identities. Let's see.

I'd say our language right away. Language is a big one. U.S. friends like to point at stuff while walking and say what it is. Stop that. Like, we don't – I've been in Times Square. Every culture does that. I was going to say, pointing is now American. That was number one.

Number two is the leaning thing. Oh, really? It's that high? Okay. They also – we like to watch Netflix with the – Subtitles? Yeah, subtitles I guess is an American thing. That's what I'm coming off of. I did that a lot for a while, and I've been doing it less.

Yeah, I hate you for that. We were team subtitles, and now he's fucking... Now he doesn't... You just listen to another language? No, no, no. We put the American subtitles on, so you see their names, you see the places. Oh, okay. We just have the subtitles on.

All right. Our complete and total lack of an indoor voice. That's true. That I could see being true. That's what I love about the tennis, the US Open, and the one in England. Yeah. Because the one in England, you're supposedly able to hear a pin drop. And this year at the US Open, they're like, people are smoking pot in here.

Dude, you know what I did last night? Like a 12-year-old, I was at the movies and I hit a pen. Yeah. And I like, I went, I blew it into my shirt.

Yeah. To like keep the smoke away. And it just... Like how you're supposed to smoke on planes. Dude, it just kept rising out of my... You've been ghosted enough, man. You gotta keep it down there. You didn't ghost it enough, man. You got to keep it down there.

Let your body soak it in a bit. Then you throw it out. The person who made it to me went, make sure you blow the smoke down. In my head, I went, you idiot. You put it in your shirt. Then I put it. I went like this. Then I went, this is what I was talking about because it was just fuming out of here.

I looked like Nicolas Cage in that movie where he's just like the skull head. There's just smoke rising in front of my face for like 45 minutes. How often I see it in comedy clubs is pretty funny. Really? People do it all day. Try to hide it. All day. And it's just a big cloud over one dude's head that looks like he vapes.

It's like everybody knows who's vaping in here, man. Was it packed? It was packed. For a Wednesday night showing, I saw Poor Things again. It was jammed, and it was a lively crowd. You know when you go to an AMC theater and they have Nicole Kidman come out before? And when the crowd cheers, you know you've got a hot crowd. And it was a hot crowd for like a 9.30 show.

You go to repeat movies more than anybody else. I really love that movie. Do you go with different people? Yes. Okay. So you have like a different experience30 show. You go to repeat movies more than anybody else. I really love that movie. Do you go with different people? Yes. Okay. I like a different experience kind of. Yeah.

I'm not a movie, I like watching things, I like sharing. If someone's like, I'm not sure, I'm like, it's great, I'll go with you again.

I like sharing like you're five years old. I like sharing. I'm a communist, man. He is too. We had to describe, we had to explain to him why communism is bad, and none of us could really do it. Everyone did a bad job. He was like, what's the problem with communism?

I was like, well, it just doesn't work. Every time the topic comes up, I like to say, I'm anti-communist. I believe in capitalism. I just don't get why people are like, he's a communist. Did he kill somebody? No. I'm like, well, he seems okay then. But a lot of them probably do. I think that's the problem.

I have a feeling not a lot of reading is going into this at all. Reddit. You should have read it. Go page your Reddit. I've asked some of Barstool Sports' top minds and no one can really get it through to me. You tell me you're sitting around, Ricky, reading up on the fucking reform of government?

Portnoy can't explain to you why communism doesn't work. I asked his dad, dude. For real, he was on a show with Mr. Portnoy. I was like, Mr. Portnoy, why is communism bad? He was like, what, Feidelberg? I said, I don't know, man, you're a lawyer? He's like, yeah, I don't have an answer for you. Dude, he called me the other day.

Mr. Portnoy did? I meant, I feel bad now. I was going to have him on the radio show. He wanted to talk about his experience sitting through that bet. He was like, I was just sitting at home. Portnoy put a million dollars on Michigan to win the Rose Bowl, to beat Alabama. Poor guy.

And so Portnoy and his mom were there, and there was video of them sweating out the bet and sweating out the game and celebrating the win. But his father was back home and said he was just bugging out the whole time. If Dave loses this game, he's only going to have 399 left. I was going to say, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to him about. I was like, were you really that nervous? What's the difference?

Another million. I feel really good for Dave. I'm glad he's doing all right still. Things are still more panning out. He's doing all right. All right is the word, yeah. All good, man. You're not doing too bad yourself, bro. I'm all right. All right is the word, yeah. All good, man. You're not doing too bad yourself, bro.

I'm all right. Everything's good over here. It's been fun. I feel like every time we talk to you, everything always keeps progressing for you. Yeah, man. Which I feel like is just the name of the game in life, just as long as you keep moving forward.

Keep moving forward, kid happy, wife happy. So I'm good. That's where it's really where it's like I've got into the – I'm in my 30s now, which is just such a weird – You had a weird – Because like, yo, your friends like – like you know your friends from back home. Like that dude, you're like, dude, you look 45 years old.

And you really just start seeing like – It can go. Yeah, it goes. You have friends who kind of stay the same and then you have friends that deteriorate in front of your eyes man sometimes I'll see like a

couple like a married couple on Instagram or something and I'm like you guys look like you're a hundred yeah like not even you know some people put on

the way you lose your hair but the way you dress and the way I saw one of my friends recently and when he left I cried I fucking cried I love him I saw one of my friends recently, and when he left, I cried. I fucking cried, dude.

I love him. I hate that he's going to see this. I hate that he's going to see this. But, dude, it was a fucking bummer, dude. It fucking bummed me out for like two days. I talked to my therapist about it. I'm still riding high. How old are you? What? 35 this year, man year man i'll be turning 35 i'm born in 89 yeah i'm also 35 and the one i was saying recently that that

bothers me is watching procedural television shows because the the the killer or the whatever is always someone in their mid-irties. And they're like, we're on the hook for a white male mid thirties. And every time I see like the book shot or the picture of what the guy actually looks like, I'm like that dude's 50. That's not what I look like. I'm 35 year old man.

That dude is 60 years old. But these thirties, these thirties are fucked up. Yeah. Like they're weirdos. A bunch of them broken pandemic. And now they're just out in the world acting like they're normal people. And they're weirdos a bunch of them broke in pandemic and now they're just out in the world acting like they're normal people and they're not like it is a weird shape

i'd be like 30 also back in the day by the time you were 35 you were like an adult with a house and kids and da da da and nowadays you can be 35 and be that or you can still be like a full-blown child you know yeah like that that's where it gets weird where i be that or you can still be like a full-blown child. You know what I mean? That's where it gets weird where I don't think that used to be the way. I feel like by the time you were 35, you were old. Everybody was old at 35. Now it's like there's – How many friends do you have that you don't allow around your kid?

You have a few. There's a couple. There's a couple. Caught a side eye on that one. Oh, he always happens to come over after bedtime. Oh, you didn't get the birthday invitation. Oh, it's only for people that have kids now. That is weird, though.

If you have friends who have kids and kids and ones who don't, it's like, bro, you don't want to come to this Trust me Actually dude My kids birthday parties are turnt Like they're turnt Like people hooked up At my kids first birthday

No way I swear on it I swear on it People hooked up At my kids first birthday It's fun Yeah yeah My friends are fun man

My friends are fun Yeah And the kids that like Go to school with them Love them Like it's great Yeah That's fucking funny.

One-year-old birthday. Where did you guys meet? Yeah, one-year-old birthday party. Get it in. You were fucked up, man. And at his baby shower, people hooked up. Really? Dude, my wedding was crazy.

My wedding was in Miami. Sypha Sounds DJ'd it. It was wild. Headed out to Faina. It was crazy. Yeah, my in Miami. Sypha Sounds DJ'd it. It was wild. Headed out to Faina. It was crazy. Yeah, my friends are nuts. Do you still party? Not like that.

Not really. I mean, the most I do is like at home, and then I do stand up if I go out. I don't really leave the house too much anymore. But if you're doing, if you have a birthday party, you have a christening, you have a whatever, like. Oh, we have fun. Our friends are fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. I don't know what I want to do for my 35th i might go to iceland bro yeah yeah have you done that yet i've never done i went once before with schultz it was unbelievable we went as the new york comedy festival and we like played the harpa theater and then afterwards we went to a hip-hop club which is amazing in iceland because everybody has blonde hair blue eyes and we made it just came out by soldier boy and these white kids were just chanting the n-word it was the craziest thing we had ever seen in our life me and schultz lost we were there for like I think like 19 hours and we just full steam it and it was the most fun I've ever had it

was great yeah I know it's not far go on it but yeah that's the thing my buddy has bachelor party there it was one I didn't make it to but they got a good review yeah yeah I think there's some fact

about that as the most alcoholics per capita that makes there's more than Alaska apparently there's something about I think there's a like a clinic like for alcoholicsics that's one of the best ones in the world. Oh, that's kind of cheating. Yeah, I know.

Then you're traveling. People be getting fucked up in Alaska. I was reading about this. And then falling asleep in the snow and dying all day, dude. Like the coroner's like, another one. He had another one who just drank himself to sleep in the snow dude if i was getting drunk i would tie a balloon to myself what's that balloon doing in that big pile of snow over there

ricky's been drinking again dude i learned the other day the uh the origin of the term shit faced let's hear it. Back in old-timey England and stuff like that, when there wasn't plumbing, you'd have to take care of your own piss and shit. And in the morning, you'd wake up and you'd just throw it out the window. And people coming home still fucked up. It would hit them in the head. Get out of here. And so you were shit-faced.

Wow. Is that a real story? I mean, that's really what I heard. That's where I kind of was going. That's a good one. It sounds great. I like that. I don't know what to believe.

It's like Miracle on 34th Street. I choose to believe. I want those things to be true. Shit-faced. Dude, if you tell me something like that, I believe you 100%. Well, actually, that's a good point. I don't know if I believe you, but I will tell other people. And I'll say something like, I don't know if I believe you but I will tell other people and I'll say something like

I don't know I'm just sure or not but I will pass on the lie I won't even say I'll share the rumor I'll be like dude you know what I heard this is how it starts

this is how rumors start man this is how it all fucking goes this is what shit face is people dump shit on your head see you're the problem you're like remember that story the one where I told the story

but it's not like a dangerous rumor dude yeah like it's a rumor that like will be on a meme. I told a story about when that guy embarrassed me at dinner because I told a fake story. Because one of my friends told it to me as if it was true. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes.

It's people like you. You told me. You were my friend telling me that that was true. Yeah. But you fucked me. But then if someone calls you out, you go, yeah, I don't know. Someone told me. I'm the misinformation. But then if someone calls you out, you go, yeah, I don't know. Someone told me. I'm the misinformation.

I'm the Fox News of fun facts. I'm a misinformation king. Well, you're also willing to roll with the loss better than most. Yeah, you just go, oh, whatever. Some guy told me. Me and him actually get embarrassed when we lie to people. I heard a story. You're going to be a sociopath.

Or just have no knowledge about a topic I'm acting very knowledgeable about. I'm like, all right, well, how about communism then? Moving on. I got told a story. Have you ever heard the urban legend of the guy who was dog sitting and the dog dies? Do you know this one? No. So long story short, guy's dog sitting.

The dog dies while he's babysitting a dog sitting and he's like i gotta um i gotta like bring it to the vet or whatever where they like dispose of it so he puts it in a duffel bag he doesn't have a car i should have been like there's so many red flags and he gets on the bus with this fucking duffel bag of a dead dog and he's struggling to carry it i think the story is a girl so the girl's struggling to carry the bag and a guy says let me help you with that and he lifts he goes oh this is pretty heavy like what do you have in there and she says like oh it's uh it's a bunch of electronics like speakers and and it's all this like valuable shit and the story is that he like kicks her in the stomach and runs off with the bag and steals a dead dog and i got told this like dead true by like my best friend who was like I

this is a real story and I told it at work and then this guy made me tell it again it was my first job ever he made me tell it again at a big dinner in front of like everyone and as I finished the story he was like it's a fake story you fucking idiot you like you lied all this shit

and I was like my best fucking friend told me that shit was true and it people like him would just pass on the law have you ever carried a laptop there's so many red flags in the story it's either a bunch of apple chargers or a dead dog one or the other it's either a fucking dead golden or speakers from S-5. From Circuit City, man. This camera has a lot of meat on it. I haven't carried too many dead dogs, but I think I know the difference.

We'll have to test it out. Dude, I went hunting this weekend for the first time. How was that? It was fun. It was duck hunting. Is it more about the chill? Yes, very much so. Okay.

And at least the hunters I went with, it was like – it was fun. But I was saying that when I got there the first night, they had cooked us dinner, and it was just like a lamb was cooked and I've never, I like lamb but like whenever I eat it, I eat it at like a nice restaurant where it's like very trim and stuff like that and they just put like a rack of lamb on my plate and I didn't want to be rude so I was just eating everything, I was just eating off the bone I guarantee he was eating shit you're not supposed to eat

and those, the people he was with down there were probably like, boy that city slicker just eats everything, huh? I was was like i don't know man it was the most you're probably i was like which i had some fucking a1 sauce right now dude you say it's about the hang but i also feel like part of that story was like you got up in the middle of the fucking dead of night and no lights were on you had to get on a boat and stay quiet and in you know because you can't scare off the animals and shit i was like that doesn't at night so early in the morning yeah so you got to like take a quiet road like you ever want to

run like like you feel like you are a navy seal i haven't had adrenaline like that just in the dead of night holding the gun are you guys being funny with the guns? No. You would be a problem with a gun. They'd be like, don't point and bring it. You know what's crazy? I don't love guns, man. I've tried it. It's just not me.

Yeah, I'm not the same way. It's just like not me. I don't get that. When people are like, oh, the power. It's crazy. I was like, ah. Shooting it, I don't. It wasn't the act of shooting it. It was really the dart. We were in the bed of a like, it wasn't, it wasn't the act of shooting it. It was,

it was really the dark. We're in the bed of a truck. And then we switched to like one of those, like, you know, those like inflatable boats that the seals ride. Like we got into one of those. It was kill. What?

Ducks. It was, it was very much. You guys are just like the seals. Yeah. When, when, when he wrapped up, he did a podcast with uh with like a like the hunting company that they were working with yeah and they're they're pretty like uh pg and they were like just kind of did you paint up be good they were like be good please don't like say anything crazy and within two seconds he was like i felt like i was ready to kill Osama bin Laden.

Well, I mean, you have to go to that, right? They were like, just don't be crazy. And I was like, definitely. And then the second we started, I started talking about bin Laden and Jeffrey Dahmer. They were like, we can't run any of this, dude. I was like, fine. He blatantly asked you to not do this. It came up organically. Did they make you take a whole safety course and shit?

Oh, yeah. Dude, it was like I had to take a course for like 10 hours. What? Yeah, I had to take a hunter safety course. But it's a shoot a duck. No, no, no. It's 10 hours. It's like one of those sexual harassment at work things.

You got to click through it. Okay. So it's like not a 10-hour test. It's like it takes, you know what I mean? No, but it was. What kind of gun did you have? Oh, I see. I could have done it faster, but a 10-hour test. It's like it takes – you know what I mean? No, but it was. What kind of gun did you have? Oh, I see. I could have done it faster, but yes, it may be.

How many guns did you hold? How many guns did you have on you at once? Just one. Every one. It was only ever at a shotgun. You didn't have like a side pistol? No, no, no. One of the fucking legs?

You just fucking – I missed them. I think because also like when you're with guides, like their job is to make you feel like you're having fun. So they kept being like, John, you got that one. Great shot. I was like, there's no fucking chance that was me. Because it's like a firing line. It's like 10 people shooting.

I'm like, I know that wasn't me, dude. I stink at this. I've never shot a gun before. I shot a gun once before this weekend. That was it. I don't think I'd be good at it at all. Did you eat your duck? Yeah. Delicious. Okay. Yeah, that was really good. That was it. I was, I don't think I'd be good at it at all. Did you eat your duck? Yeah.

Delicious. Okay. Yeah, that was really good. You got it, right? Yeah, I guess so. Kill the animal, you got to. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't like that. I, you know, I feel like growing up in the city was not, I mean, I don't have any family like that. I never was exposed to any of that shit, so I don't know it. I don't really have a uh like a desire for it i'm like cool you go do you we wanted a fucking deer with the car okay so ricky has been on you did it with a ford escort what the fuck man you kill him yeah did it fuck your car up no it's my neighbor shaolin man this kid his whole his whole thing was messed up it was

coming back from a baseball game up in upstate new york yeah and like yo he had we like there was fur in the fender it wasn't allowed to take it out either because the insurance company had to come so was he it was like highway like he was ripped yeah yeah yeah Dude, my sister hit one once, and this is, like, in Massachusetts, like, in a kind of off-brand whatever. And the cops showed up, and they were like – she called the cops because she had a deer, and the cops showed up, and they were like, what do you want us to do? She's like, I don't know.

I thought I called somebody when I got in a car accident. And they're like, now do you want it? She's like, do I want the deer? I'm driving a Volkswagen Passat. Like, where the fuck am i gonna put the goddamn bloody fucking dead deer not just any deer it's fucking disgusting and they were like all right we'll call they keep a list at the at the station for guys who want the dead deers so they're like all right we just first on the list gets a call then that's a big thing by the

way when we first talked about that i found out out that there are people who are – when that phone call comes in, like, hey, Ricky, you're on here. They are like, let's go. Yeah, you're making some jerky. Get the smoker going. People love that shit. I feel like – I don't know why. I did the Boy Scouts. That's as far as I can go.

Did you? How old? Weeblos, and I dropped out. What age is that? Probably like sixth, seventh grade. I was going to say, Weeblos sounds older. Yeah like, what age is that? Um, probably like six, seventh grade. I just said, we blow sounds older.

Yeah. It was almost boy men scout. What is it? Boys? No, I was a cub scout. I was never a boy scout. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then Eagle scout is like, that's the weirdos who stick through. Yeah. But my friend that did that, like tried to rob a bank, dude.

Yeah. So it's like, I cap. Yeah. All these fucking presidents have it don't they most presidents have it yeah um but yeah no my friend that did it ended up doing heroin and trying to rob a bank so i my last they skipped that lesson don't do heroin we did he nodded out before he got his money just stood there just nodding, and the cops just walked in and walked him out the bank, you fucking dork.

I forgot what I was doing. Long Island, baby. Did you retain anything? Do you retain anything? Is there anything from it that you still have? What, Boy Scouts? Yeah. Like skills, not like physical.

Tie a knot? I can tie a knot. Make a fire? I can tie a knot. Like a better knot than me? No. I mean, I know like three of them, but that's like all you do, sort of. So, like, yeah, I probably could probably tie a knot.

We moved from New York to outside of Philly for a couple years. And so I'm trying to do like activities and shit to make friends. I think I was in like first grade. And we sign up, and it was the Pinewood Derby race. Yeah. It was like right away yeah and um cheat so well my dad like we get a brick of wood you know and he just kind of we just kind of like got the saw out and he kind of cut like a like a convertible almost like and we

just threw some wheels on it and we thought that was that and we show up and and we didn't not even close to the right weight yeah you know you have to put certain weights in and trim it down or whatever so what they do is like if you're a little bit off they'll tape like like a penny to it to make it heavier and mine was so light that they we had to tape so much change onto it that it's going down the ramp and just money's like flying off like clanking and my dad just like grabbed me and was like we're going home yo so we used to do those and one year we cheated by uh hollowing out the thing and putting a bullet in the front of the car oh so it's like

like front heavy or whatever so but then they weighed whatever, but it's on the front. Yeah. The Velozes held a few different years. Bro, how'd you have bullets, dude? What? Who had the bullet? I don't know. Somebody found them.

My dad was good at what he did. Don't ask questions. Just put the bullet in, kid. We had a bullet in one of them. It was the Batman year. Did it win?

It was the Batman year. We did a Batman card. Hell yeah. Yeah, my dad was nasty at that. We won year, year after year. That's the one thing I think I would have liked to do. There's one more family that went up against us hard. I just don't like the Boy Scouts, man.

It was weird, bro. Clearly, you had the right intuition. I mean, obviously, a lot of weird shit goes on in that. Yeah. But even the good part of the Boy Scouts, I don't really want to do. Yeah. Plus, it was just whack. It was whack.

We'd just go to, like, there's a farm in queens have you ever been to that farm in queens a little neck they used to make us go camping there dude we would just be in a farm in queens camping like in the tent camping yeah this is what it's like in the wilderness boys there's a falbanian who just keeps making all the noise all night. You can hear the fucking subway. It's the farm. It's Little Neck Farm. It's there. It's dope.

It's right next to a public pool. It is. It's Little Neck Parkway. It's fantastic. Right outside of Douglasdon. Go to the pool. Go to the farm. have a good day. We did the bar school. It's real, man.

If you took a kid from a real farm and brought them there, like, this is our farm, they would be like, what is this trash, dude?

It's like one chicken, a fucking shitty horse. They used to throw fairs and let us buy Native American stuff, and the guys were not Native American shitty horse. They used to throw fairs and let us buy Native American stuff, and the guys were not Native American at all. They were just the brownest guy in the neighborhood selling Tomahawks.

Just some guy in a Jim Tomey jersey. Seriously. Little Neck Farms. That's great, dude. I go to a horse stable in the Bronx. They got gunshots? They do. So where I live, the NYPD has the gun range.

The NYPD has the gun range. The NYPD has the gun range where they practice and also detonate any fucking shit. They fire off illegal bullets, whatever. So there's constantly gunshots going off. Horses love that. Yeah, right? You would think that. And the stable is a couple Mexican guys who just bring out

horses and you can pay $2. They will walk your kid around in a circle for two dollars two bucks so i'm like so i throw like 40 bucks and i'm like can you take my kid around 20 times and if you want they'll do a trail but it's just along the hutch and like and i don't know if you know like the pelham bay area co-op city there's just like a swamp kind of that they're like this is our trail we'll go a half hour out and a half hour back in. You trust those horses?

To do the loop around, yeah. I don't know about, again, like we're on the side of like a highway. Yeah. Like there's literally guns going off. Like I haven't done that yet. I feel like you're prone to just have to take off. Like I don't trust the New York City ones. Those are big boys, too. And they go down a lot.

Do they? Yeah, man. They're always in the news. Wow. Yeah, they be going down. They got to hose them until they stand again. No way. Yeah, man.

It's terrible. That's the central part. That's why I don't trust them. They don't treat those things right. Yeah, of course. I'm sure. Hose them until they get up. Bro, if you were hosing me until I got up, this is not the way you think.

This is not going to go how you think it is, boy. We stopped hosing people during the civil rights movement. Honestly, when I think about it, I feel like I maybe have hosed you to wake up before. You're basically a horse. Yeah, dude. I've thrown water. I've slapped him. I'm getting more comfortable. You're basically a horse. Yeah, dude. I've thrown water. I've slapped him. I've done – You only do like a NYPD Clydesdale.

Like, oh, can you get the back a little bit? He's a pure breed. The craziest thing I ever did along the lines of any of that stuff, when I was in high school, they were telling us we need to do shit for our college resume and we did something called boys state ever hear that no bro looking back on it i am so mad at every parent and every teacher who like let me do this you go upstate to uh suny morristown go to one of the, I think it was Morristown, one of the SUNY schools.

And I think there's like, probably like a thousand kids, I guess. I don't know. It's like a thousand fucking junior, juniors, junior boys from all across New York. And you live on campus for a week and they create like a little, like, government.

And you march around in like a boot camp and you elect like a leader and you like learn about like civic duty and shit lord of the flies kinda sort of yeah but it was with nerds so rather rather than people becoming like animals, they became like... Worse? Into it. Me and my buddy bunked up, and there was a third guy, and his name was Ken, and he had this lisp, and he was like, Are you guys going to run for office? I'm thinking about it. I'm going to be the governor. And we were like, How the fuck did we end up in this place, man?

What did you end up in this place man like junior high school was like we were drinking and smoking and just like i mean we were roaring and then we were amongst all these fucking guys who were we didn't do i mean we didn't do shit but we had to do all the what was your what was your role in the town i didn't i didn't do one it was like you mean like you you had to be like i want i want i want to run for this they shouldn't have given you food, Dan. I was not pulling my weight. We had to do, like, marching.

We had to march everywhere we went. We had to march and jog. We were doing those, like, call and response marching things where,

like, the troop leader, like, oh my god, it was so fucking bad. You went on a high school vacation and sucked on the government tea?

Pretty much. Yeah, looking back on it, it was probably, like, the early stages of MAGA infiltration. It was radicalizing teens to become American wackos.

But me and my friends were like, get us the fuck out. We had to write a letter home. We were all like, see you in four days, mom. Fuck you. It was crazy, man. And this was supposed to make you better.

This was supposed to be like, colleges are going to look at this on the resume and accept you. It's crazy, man. And this was supposed to make you better. This was supposed to be like colleges are going to look at this on the resume and accept you. Oh, it wasn't like the situation of like, I want to have a baby. No, no. It was like you were out there just being a piece of shit. That's the bad baby shit. Dr. Phil sends those. You send your kids to Dr. Phil on a farm so they don't fuck around you were saying

somebody else and I was just watching the Jerry Springer's Too Hot For TV VHS awesome by the way you actually had the VHS popped it in

yes where was he watching where did you have a VCR I was watching it at my buddy's house it was fantastic but Steve Wilkos oh yeah yeah yeah

you forget about that that's a blow up that's a blow up that's's a blow up, dude. That's a two minutes of fame. Like, he took it and ran with it. He took it. And, yo, he used to be, like, thank God those still exist because, like, you forget, like, he was working some of those people.

Like, when they used to throw punches on Springer, like, Steve was hitting them on the shoulders. No, he got the shots in. Like, yeah, no, it was crazy. His body in people. He's putting his knee on people's chests. Those guys relish those spots where it's like, go ahead. If they start fucking around, you're allowed to, like, rough them up. You're, like, in the right.

They're not pulling any punches. They're fucking unloading on you. When Jerry died, it was great. The internet went through, like, all of the best Jerry Springer episodes. And you forget how fucking wild some of those people were, dude. Bro, the best part about the two-up for television is they show a bunch of fights. And then they show five minutes of just porn that kind of happened on stage. And I was in and out of sleep as it was on.

So I'd just wake up and I'd look at my homie and I'd be like, are you just watching porn or is this still the Too Hot for TV? And you see Jerry there with his cards and you're like, oh, he's just... The best episode was when the, I think, old school,

like people who grew up with it knew it, but the new age internet finding out when Jerry Springer did the Italian mob versus the KKK. Oh, that was on it. It was on it. One of the all-time best. The other best thing about Jerry was he would do some of the worst shit you've ever seen,

and then at the end just have a heart-to-heart with the camera. That was such bullshit, Cap. We don't agree with anything that has happened here today. He had like a sign-off, didn't he? He said something like, you know, like, be good, America, or whatever the fuck it was. It was like, okay, Jerry, you're exploiting poor people and meth heads.

What are you talking about? He was holding a microscope to America. More he holds the same level of it, too, where you're just like, ah, I don't know if this is cool, man. They tried to – there was a guy who murdered – I worked on one of those shows. Did you?

You did? Which one? I worked on the Bill Cunningham show. Where was that? He was on PIX, and he ran for like seven years. And I used to be the guy that chased people off stage with the camera. Get out of here. Bro, it was wild. and I used to be the guy that chased people off stage with the camera. Get out of here.

It was wild. Have you ever noticed everybody has lisps on those shows? Lisps. Because that's the first day they've had teeth in their mouth ever. They haven't had teeth in years, bro. Yo, there became a rule that we weren't allowed to give them more than four Red Bulls. Bro, these people were tweaking out there, dude. You can't cut off his four. You can't have more than eight cups of coffee.

I used to have shoes thrown at me. I used to tape the lie detector test. Like, I've seen it all, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was behind the scenes full time. It was wild, bro. That's the best part of your whole career. You've done some shit.

It was the first job I ever had. Were you like, I'm trying to get into entertainment, so I got to do this shit. I'm trying to get into entertainment, so I got to take a job in this. And they had this job, and it was like cash at first. And then the union got pissed off, so they had to make me a certain level so I can carry this camera. And it was like a small little digital. And yo, bro, I used to capture wild shit, man. This one kid came in, and before they put makeup on him, he had Louis Vuitton print his whole side of the body.

A tattoo? Tattoo, bro. Like, everybody, bro. I had so many face tattoos. This guy's such a scumbag. Dude, he was a radio guy that they turned into one of these people. And, bro, I would be in there, and it was wild. Seven years is no joke.

That's a good run. No, he did a great run over there. I left before the end of the seven. But I used to be the guy that chased people around it was a crazy job bro it was wild and then the other thing was i was with them all day like i was dude i started this job when i was 20 years old but wait let me let me interrupt you real quick have you ever looked at the imdb for the bill cunningham show show? No. Is it a big deal? Literally, the description, self-absorbed white guy attempting to fix issues better solved by Maury. Nailed it.

It's got a 1.4 out of 10 rating. Hey, listen. We're doing three episodes a day. No shit. We were doing, yeah, three episodes a day and taping four days a week. Where were you filming this? There's six comments in the peninsula the peninsula i don't know where that is right across the street from msg not the peninsula

not the peninsula the pennsylvania i know exactly yeah we're in that studio no shit yeah we're in that studio terribly inept and inappropriate people skills but it's funny horrible show possibly the worst ever terrible irible. I mean, like, these people are just ripping. Bro, we were killing. Yeah. It was bad.

It was bad, though. Entertaining but obnoxious. You know, like, yeah. Dude, we, like, the shit I saw, the fights I saw, like, you've never seen it. So, like, Jerry kind of became

almost, like, the sellout version where Bill Cunningham was keeping it real real. Dude, I saw some, like, no, like, dude. No, but I'm saying, like, you were grimy. You know what I mean? Like, Jerry Springer Cunningham was keeping it real real dude I saw some like no like dude no but I'm saying like you were grimy you know what I mean like Jerry Springer was almost

like glitz and glamour compared to this fucking shit bro like the people we would bring in were so like it was the first time they've ever been on a plane it was the first time like some of them would be like yo I'm not coming I'm not getting on a plane

i've never been on one and we would just put them on a train for a week then they would stay at the new yorker this is dude there's no cap to this they would stay at the new yorker and like four or five times a week we get a phone call being like the guest took all the sheets in the comforters again and we just have to pay for him bro yeah like they would time and time again they would go missing time and time again we would have to go find them, bro. Yeah. Like, they would, time and time again, they would go missing. Time and time again, we would have to go find them. Time and time again, they're like, yo, grab the camera.

We gotta go find them. And, like, dude, now I'm just, like, in, like, basically a room with an unhinged person who's been in New York for 18 hours, who's fucked up. Like, it was a crazy job. And then they would come talk about, like, I cheated on my ex with a stripper. Bro, but that's then some of them would be like oh i've been with ricky all

day so he's my best friend but i've also been with his wife this guy's telling me the worst shit he's like yo i've been cheating but i'm like and i'm just like dude it was a really what like you you had to sit and like there's things i would choose to tell the producer and choose not to. And, like, I'd see how things unfolded sometimes. And I would just be like, God damn. You were the puppet master back there. In a way, but at the same time, like, I just never dogged people. Like, I never dogged, like, if there was more information that I knew than was given, I was not being like, hey, hey, hey.

We weren't winning no Emmys. Right. So I was barely even recognized. They barely even treated me like I worked there. Where do you get the cast members? I don't know what they're called. The people on the show. The victims.

Bro, the phone calls at the end, the 1-800. They call it? Oh. Hey, does your sister's brother's uncle date your cousin's uncle? And they're like, yeah. Yeah, they do. But, dude, then they, like – Do they get a few bucks for that?

No. They get the trip and they get a per diem. And they steal the sheets. And they steal the sheets and the rest of that. But, like, some of them will straight up just go, hey, like, listen, I'm not showing up unless you give me money. And those are the smart ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you're booked and it's like, we need you.

We've had people come on and I'm like, oh, I know that person from YouTube. They're playing a whole gig right now. This is fixed. Interesting. Yeah. What kind of money though? You have to pull that nothing big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, if you get your show, it's probably fucking worth it, right? Man. That is a wild time. That is a wild time that is a wild time that was when I first met my wife so I'm 22 23 years old

she was on the show I mean that's an interesting like so how was work today honey it's like well do you really want to know do you want me to just say good and we move on or do you really want to know

because I got some stories for you it was I've seen some wild shit I've I've watched some wild reveals Do you really want to know? Do you want me to just say good and we move on, or do you really want to know? Because I got some stories for you. I've seen some wild shit. I've watched some wild reveals. Bro. That. You should run your own show like that now. The Ricky Velez Show.

Nah, man. It's too late. Bring it back. No, I can't do that. Come on, you're 35. It's dangerous, man. That's a dangerous world to live in. I don't think that could exist anymore, right? It's too exploitative and all that shit. Or it's somebody that has to go for it completely yeah like it just be i don't give a shit i i do

i write too much jerry was jerry when that there was one guy who uh they outed him i think as being gay and then they went back home and he fucking murdered the guy. And they tried to pin it on Jerry and the network and all that shit. And he never wavered once. I've seen the clips of him either in court or in front of Congress or whatever it was. And he was the man about it, being like, this is fucking laughable that you're going to try to pin this on the content. Basically being like, a content creator isn't to blame for it. And I remember being like, I think you're going to be a pin this on the content, basically being like content creators and to blame for it. And I remember being like,

I think you're going to be a little bit to blame for it. I mean, you put these people on planes. Yeah, you set this shit all up. Four Red Bulls that go home and die. It's kind of on you. Maybe just a little bit. But he was a gangster being like, fuck you. Dude, he had his own Girls Gone Wild. Never forget, Jerry Springer had his own Girls Gone Wild Yeah Never forget Jerry Springer

Had his own Girls Gone Wild Yeah What was it called? It was Jerry Springer's Girls Gone Wild Oh Yeah

He was like the host of it I think that he had A different brand I don't remember that He had two other TV But then he also did Like he did an episode Of Girls Gone Wild

He used to run MTV Spring Breaks Those were crazy The girls would go nuts for him The 90s were so sick Dude The best They're sick. The best. They're the best. The best.

Before the internet was too cool. Yeah. Bro, I think it was... We pioneered porn. It's the greatest generation. I've said it over and over again. It's the perfect amount. It's when the internet started,

when shit got wild. I jerked off on sex.com. Yes, dude. That's crazy. I jerked off on girls.com, Yes, dude. That's crazy. I jerked off on girls.com, bro. That's a government website now. That's like condoms from it. Girls with a Z.

Girls with a Z.com, bro. Girls with a Z. It's a Dragon Ball Z girl club, dude. You're crazy. Girls with a Z. That was before free ones came in and put their fucks. Sexworld.com. Sexworld.

Go to the bottom for videos. Sexworld.com. Sexworld. Go to the bottom for videos. Pinkworld.com was just a pink page, pink background with blue links that just said like big tits, big ass. How much did you get? Like my computer, we had three boys in the house, just had viruses all fucking day, dude. Like my mom would go to Google or something and it would just be like. Like a human body being eaten away by cancer the computer was just like i can't do it anymore that's why parents of our age at our generation thought the internet was so bad it's because all the pop-ups they knew were just

a terrible thing and it's like that wasn't coming randomly mom want a 12-inch dick? Yeah, not every computer has that, Mom. Why does this computer want my dick to be so large? My dad just didn't do it. My dad just didn't do the internet. What do you mean, didn't do it? He didn't do the internet from the beginning until, like, a few years back. He just refused to participate. Dude, it was crazy. Like, five years ago ago he got into youtube

it's the funniest he's pulling up like frankie's finger fucking video the kid met him fucking nut dude my grandma just got like an ipad and like he'll look at the internet yeah ipads ipads are made for easy the easy shit like you ever see a kid use one? Yeah. They come out of the womb. They made that for a minority report. Yeah, I don't like that at all. They're zooming in and out and shit. It's crazy. My grandma was convinced the internet was a fad.

She was like, that's just a, that'll come and go. Like, that's not going to be. I got, Nana might not be wrong. I think everyone's kind of, it was a longer – I think – What, do you think the internet is going to go away? No, but I think people are – I think it's definitively like less on the internet now. Like people want to be on it less. People want to be on it less.

People are on it a lot. There's a surge of people being like – I don't even know about that though. I think for every one person that you're talking about, like yourself, who's kind of trimming back, cutting back, there are people who are like, get me on TikTok. Just because you're New Year's resolution. You're doing this.

But people, everyone, at least maybe it's my timeline, but everyone on Twitter hates it. Yes, but they're all still there, aren't they? Yeah, but what I'm saying, they want to get it. Twitter used to be so much fun, and now it is just the exact opposite of that. But, yeah, I think it's – that's the other thing about, like, this generation is, like, the internet – we got the internet, I think, at its best when it was fun and, like, the Wild West and before it became this shithole that it is now where it was just, like, truly, like, holy shit. You can see porn and you can find things and grow things,

like the fun stuff. And that will never happen again. That can't happen again. You know what I mean? That time was for that exact little decade, and now it's done and it's ruined. And if you didn't get to experience that, you'll never know it. It was the fucking best. But it's what we've done.

Like, we've done this. Like, the fact of the matter that Elon Musk is a is a cool person well no no no no no no people think yes because he's not no yeah like and so is mark the fucking facebook dude like they were gonna fight yeah and we were gonna watch that what the fuck's wrong with our society those are two nerds they can't fight they can't in the colise. Dude, I was in Italy at the time that that happened, and I was like, I was at the Coliseum yesterday. If they fucking let these motherfuckers in. Let's just play a game of dodgeball with them.

Let's play one game. Let's watch them throw it straight into the ground because they have no fucking physical. They've never been physical in their life. I promise you I can beat the fuck out of Mark in a game of dodgeball. I would fucking destroy. What is it, Zuckerberg? I think Mark Zuckerberg.

Zucker. I think you would get your shit run by Mark Zuckerberg. In dodgeball? I don't know about dodgeball. You're out of your fucking mind. He would fuck you up, though. No. No, this is what I'm talking about, man.

I don't think you've seen Mark Zuckerberg. Have you been punched in the face? Yeah, I don't think you've seen Mark Zuckerberg. Have you been punched in the face? Yeah, I don't know. Do you realize how much that pauses you when it happens? Do you think he's actually

been punched in his fucking shit once? Yo, have you seen him training, bro? Bro, that's crazy, bro. I think... This is crazy, bro. Who are you going to fight,

Ricky or Mark Zuckerberg? The... Ricky over Mark. In a real street fight. Street? I don't do... Head-butting, biting, gouging, like, are we fighting? Yeah. Fighting, fighting you. Zuckerberg. In a real street fight. Street? Head-butting, biting, gouging. Like, are we fighting?

Yeah. Fighting, fighting you. Zuckerberg, again, I know nothing. I know he does take his training very seriously. But I could see in a street fight that you'd be fucking poking him in the ass. Picking him in the dick and shit. Stomping him out with tiptoes. No, there's no shot.

There's just no shot. I would like to see that. Because he does train, and he is like... It's like Elon is... Forget about him. Mark Zuckerberg trains and does like Muay Thai, whatever, blah, blah, blah, jiu-jitsu shit, whatever. So he like has fucking... No, Master So would fuck him up.

But in a street fight, Ricky Velez... Dude, it's a crazy... Mark Zuckerberg was... That is the kind of shit... Put that in the fucking Coliseum. But in a street fight, Ricky Velez? Dude, it's a crazy... That is the kind of shit. Put that in the fucking Coliseum. I wouldn't fucking want to fight a nerd. I would feel bad.

There should be a dodgeball game. Now, that's a different story, because I could see... Dude, nerds can't even run. Have you seen them run? They just tighten up their arms and put it behind them. They look like anime characters. They look like anime characters. It's just him and Zuckerberg

standing there in the middle of the Coliseum doing that shit. Fucking dork. Hadouken! It's just crazy to me that people like... This is who, like, Zucker trains with. Okay, I can hang out around a bunch of tough guys, too, bro. Like, that don't mean shit.

That's crazy. That's a good point. That's who trains with him. That's who punches him in his shit. No, that's a bunch of people that like a billionaire. Dude, that's so crazy. Surrounders. This dude is just letting himself get fucking put to sleep by Mark Zuckerberg.

Give me a hundred grand, you can choke me out. Zuckerberg looks like Slender Man, bro. Bro, I love the fact that you don't even know Zuckerberg. You can't even say his name. he's a dork i don't fucking respect him i'm not gonna learn his name i don't like dorks we were having fun in the 90s we're outside on our bikes and they were inside on the internet being like how do we make them come inside and now we're stuck in this shitty shitty fucking world. They brought everybody inside. Electric cars. Yeah, okay.

Come on, dude. I'm a man. You want me to plug my car in? You're going to plug my car in when I get home. Okay. Yeah. Dude, that's crazy. I think Zuckerberg is a thousand times better than Musk, though. Musk is the worst.

Elon Musk's the worst. Because at least Zuckerberg is just in his nerd world. Elon Musk thinks he's fucking you. Elon Musk is like, I'm a comedian. He thinks he's funny. He definitely thinks he's funny. Definitely thinks he's funny. But you know what's worse?

Is that he thinks that because there are people telling him. Probably. Mark. I think Elon came out definitely. Mark is not diagnosed. At least I would guess. Okay. Because then I definitely can't fight him.

Well, you can fight autistics now because everyone says they're autistic. I couldn't pick you out of the crowd. Everyone's like, I'm autistic. Everyone's on the fucking spectrum. That's a nice way of being like, I'm not an asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck off. I think the worst part is that there are people who, like, Elon Musk will tweet a joke or whatever, a meme,

and people are like, dude, he's so funny. You're the meme lord. Like, ugh. I don't blame him for being like, I don't know. I'm a billionaire. These people fucking think I'm funny, I guess. But it's like, you, the people who actually think that that guy is cool. Ugh.

His head is so big. Ugh, that voice. His voice is so weird. Dude, stop. Stop. I think people think Musk is cool just because we can't place his accent. Where is he from? He's South African. It's very strange the way he talks.

You ever see his mom? Yeah, she looks kind of like a super villain, too. South African. I don't know. It's very strange the way he talks. You ever see his mom? Yeah. She looks like kind of like a super villain too. Yeah. She looks like an X-Men. Yeah. Right.

Yes. That's exactly right. Yeah. There's a wild story about her. The family's more fucked up than... They were on some Bill Cunningham shit.

There's some stories about... He's on that. He's got a lot of baby mamas, bro. Yeah. But there's a story thing about his father. Let me see if I can pull it up. His father... I think he married his stepdaughter.

Elon Musk's dad married his stepdaughter. Yeah? Married his stepdaughter? No, I got on my Puerto Rican side, not too far back, there was two people that got married that were related. How related are we talking? I don't know. Well, hang on, Brady.

I'm coming to your rescue. Well, it's not that weird. No, it's bad. It's a large mental illness in my family. The Puerto Ricans get wild, man. I've always said that about you. The Puerto Rican Irish is a... I think it might be my grandma's grandparents.

Grandma's grandparents were related. Yeah. I heard some shit like that. Allegedly. Because this is... Allegedly, like they're going to come find me. Elon's dad had two children with his stepdaughter. But theoretically, there is no blood there,

whereas your Puerto Rican grandparents might have been even greater. I don't know too much. I don't know too much. I heard rumor about it. I was like, I don't need to know too much about this. I feel like all that shit has got to be so good for writing. What, with Musk and all these people? No, no, no.

I mean, having a wild family like that. Oh, yeah. No, they make it amazing. Yeah. Like, if you weren't a comedian, it would just be a waste of fucking material. Yeah, it would just be sad. Yeah, you're going to turn your trauma into money.

Everyone else just has to deal with it. It's very funny. I was talking about it the other day. My dad got married and sold our childhood home within the last couple weeks without telling us he's out here he's lit bro got married and sold the home turn up i got a phone call i i always get these phone calls where they're like ricky sit down and it's just like somebody in my family trying to tell me some news that they think i'm gonna be upset about at this point i'm so numb this doesn't even register this doesn't even crack the top 20 yeah no it's fine it's good

so he's just like i found a girl married and i'm out yeah i found out on facebook dude it's looking good are you guys you guys estranged? You talk? Yeah, dog. You don't talk at all, then you just find out. I found out on Facebook. I got a new wife. Sick, dog.

Living down in Florida like the good people do. You know? Just living down there. Catching some rays. Like the good people. Florida. You know? Dude, I spent time down in Florida.

I think Florida peaked already, though. I think Miami's done. You think so? Yeah, it's not fun no more. I mean, Miami, you've got to also specify the You can go to eight restaurants and be good and done with that place. Yeah. I haven't spent much time there. I went to college in Florida, but I haven't spent much time in Miami. It doesn't

appeal to me. I've spent a lot of time there around the pandemic and whatnot, and then I was just like, this is wild. It's just too wild and everybody's a liar and everybody's weird and fake out here i don't like it at all yeah like i just like i had this one trip it made me laugh this girl she got on the she got on the flight right she sat right next to me she had a huge ass when she sat down but she was smaller than me but when she sat she was taller than me because her ass was so big and fat and fake she was like this much taller but when we stood next to each other she was shorter than me i was

like i don't like this place no more i flew there once from philly bro this one girl brought balloons on the plane like i couldn't understand how they got through security I just couldn't understand balloons on the plane Philly girl with just balloons I was just like I hate this town I'm done they tried to rob me out there not too long ago

really bad at a hotel the hotel was part of it no way I can't say which one I can't say which one. I can't say which one. Fuck them. It was a thing.

Like in your room? Yeah, they came in while I was sleeping. So you think that's like they call up and they go, Ricky Blaz is in room 317. Well, I had switched rooms and when I switched rooms I had packed my bags in front of somebody that worked there. And about four hours later when I was supposed to be down at my show, I had packed my bags in front of somebody that worked there. About four hours later, when I was supposed to be down at my show,

I was asleep because I was late. They thought they were going to break in my room while I wasn't in it. So you're there and what happens? I start going off. I start going off. So did they try? They took off

down my hallway. My lawyer involved a buddy of mine who, like, deals with shit like this, all this involved. And, like, it came down to the cameras were broken on my floor. And I was like, come on, man. This is crazy. And I basically got a phone call from my lawyer. He's like, yo, go to this hotel. Stay here.

Don't tell nobody where you're staying and fly out in the morning. That's what I did. Is that your last time there? Yeah. Yeah. That'll do it. That'll do it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that. So they just walk in. They don't walk in. They try to break the latch off the wall. Oh, I thought it was like the hotel would give them a key. They did have a key. Oh, but you had the deadlock.

And then they tried to break the latch off the wall. Then, you know. Yeah. Because I thought it was going to be something like, oh, Mr. Velez, I'm so sorry. I had like three guys throwing themselves into a door. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. You might not want to reveal it, and that's obviously fine.

Can I ask what they saw that they wanted so bad? Yeah, what are you rolling? What do you got? Bricks of cash? Cash. Cash. Cash and jewelry, yeah. Oh, shit.

Yeah. God damn, that's it just made me rethink my way of moving my my way of like not carrying cash on me not being on the road with a louis vuitton bag like yeah being spotted in ways you can be spotted just made me like calm down all that bullshit that was definitely like that was like that kim kardashian shit where it was like she was posting well that's what i always think of it's like yo i'm uh i'm traveling with some of my buddies like they're on different floors like i'm not i don't have security i don't have anything with me so like i'm really kind of asking for it like i was i took a big step back after that happened it was like yeah it's time to like really take into perspective what you're doing and how you're

moving yeah because there's that there's that in-between of I'm big enough that I have money and people might know who I am, but I'm not big enough that I roll with security. No, not at all. That's a bad spot to be though where it's like that's how you get picked off. Yeah, and it happened. It was frightening. The hotel security ended up interrogating me as if i was doing something wrong like it was really crazy yeah asking me if i have enemies in miami i'm like what dude

what do you mean dude was it like uh i'm here to do the corporate gig what are you talking about enemies dude it's it wasn't like a chain it was like a boutique type spot no it used to be a chain it had got knocked off a chain i'm saying too much crazy yeah yeah well you just said something interesting what what percentage of celebrities travel with security oh it depends man i mean like i i would say a good amount good a good amount a good amount but also like it's also like when you're doing a tour you get get security through the companies or something like that. I see. I mean, after Chappelle got tackled and Chris got slapped,

I was with Mulaney that year, and they put security on us. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. That guy will gouge your eyes and beat the shit out of Elon Musk as well. We would just ask him fighting questions all day. We would just ask him fighting questions all day.

We'd just ask him fighting questions all day. Yeah. I'll bite you. We're like, hey, you get choked out from behind, you don't see it coming,

what do you do? He's like, I'll bite you. Dude, I would be like a kid if I was in a room with a man, like a real man. Like, how'd you kill me with that? How'd you real man. Like, how'd you kill me with that?

How'd you kill me with that? Oh, dude. How'd you kill me with that? He has it all. Yeah. Oh, dude, he was, like, getting mad at one point because, like, he wasn't allowed to carry a gun. He's just like, I need a Beretta. Like, dude, what the fuck do you need a Beretta for?

But, yeah, no, during tours and stuff like that, you definitely need it just because you're moving around a mass, large amount of people. Yeah. Are you on the road right now? I just finished up. I just finished up for the year. Last year, the writer's strike really put us in a position last year where we booked all these dates.

So I jumped on with Mulaney, Jon Stewart, and Pete Davidson. So I just finished Pete's, Jon Stewart, and Pete Davidson. So I just finished Pete's, I think, Tuesday. Oh, really? Dude, he just had a special drop, too, right? It's awesome. Have you seen Turbo Fonzarelli? I didn't know it was coming out. It's so good. It's his best work yet.

It's unbelievable. I thought that was kind of like... Did he secretly drop that? Yeah, he secretly went on tour. He called me. He was like, yo, I'm no, no. Yeah, I just secretly dropped that because I was like, I didn't hear a fucking word. He secretly went on tour. He called me. He was like, yo, I'm going to jump on the road. He did six months straight, dogged it, brought out all the guys. We went on tour.

We dogged it up and down the coast, started in Florida. It was amazing. I probably talked to like three to five people. Everyone's like, dude, it's awesome. Yeah, no, it's really incredible. He did his fucking thing on this one, dude. It's great. I'm really happy. He's doing. Yeah, no, it's really incredible. He did his fucking thing on this one, dude. It's great. I'm really happy.

He's doing really well, too, and it's really great. The whole thing is great. Real honest in it. Stays away from all the bullshit with the pop culture and the rest of that and just joke, joke, joke. It's awesome, man. Someone told me the one about his mom not using her face in that. I don't want to know.

Not using her face? I don't want to know. His mom's a champ, dude. She definitely takes some hits she's awesome uh so what do you got next dude uh we are writing season two of bupkis right now oh yeah which will be awesome that show and then uh we have a deal over at universal for film that we're working on and then we have something else down the pipeline that i'm really really excited about and we're teaming. And then we have something else down the pipeline that I'm really, really excited about. And we're teaming up with some really cool people.

When you say we, what is that? Like you have me, Pete and Judah Miller. Um, me, we all met on King of Staten Island. Also Dave Cyrus works with us as well.

And, um, we just, uh, we, we've, we've, we've accumulated these projects that we have to get done and now that like stand-up's kind of done for a second i'm excited to like be home in my house like dude this is blocks away

like this is amazing i love like being able to be in the city yeah and uh last year was a lot because i didn't expect to be on the road for six months yeah and now i'm home that was just like pete just was like we're gone let's Let's go. Pete, Mulaney, everybody. We couldn't write. So what do you do, man? We all jumped on the road and took these dates. We're not going to cancel these dates. So we got to go and do them even when the strike was up.

And we still had our deals. So it's nice to get back to work in the way we were working right before the strike happened. I got to get back to work. You were on the road touring for six months. You were working. I got to get back to work. I guess when you're rolling with your friends and you're as good as you are at stand-up, it's fun. It's so fun.

Like, Derek Gaines, like, Joe Gay, all of it. It's so funny. It's like you come home, and then your wife wants to tell you a funny joke, and it's like, you know I've just been hanging out with, like, the five funniest people arguably in the world isn't it funny you're not I don't care what she's up to yeah can we just sit in silence for a couple days sick of this rap music playing back in my head dude you mentioned bubkis what's it like

that show is so good I didn't work on the first season i was doing another show um now i mean dude it's just joe pesci like you're just like all you want to do you're telling him you're just writing the most yeah yeah all you're trying to do is get the fucking golden nod from him um so like hopefully he likes me this will say i didn't get to spend time with him on set last season i was filming in atlanta so uh i did a single season two of single drunk female which was fun dude it was like i got to act yeah yeah i walked in thinking i was gonna improv and they're like no kids go learn your lines i was like shit that show's good though i remember when i i was posting about it dude it was cracking me up how many dudes from barstool Sports was hitting me up about single drunk female.

Yeah, it's a good show, though. Yeah, it's good. Sophia's the best. She's awesome. And it was just awesome. Like, they just let me play something I never was before. And I was probably a little difficult for it, but they worked it. The directors were awesome.

I got to work with a lot of people I really liked. That's a good show to watch with your girl. Yes. Because, you know, when your girl makes your girl. Yes. Because, you know, when your girl makes you watch something that, like, you know, is not for guys

and it's like, this sucks, but, like, it's a good in-between where everybody can enjoy it. It's a good show. Are you going to, we get you hosting

any award shows anytime soon? Bro, I'd do it. I thought Joe Coy, yeah, I don't know him too much, but Joey Coy, I almost called him.

I thought, you know, like, I watched it back. I was like, yo, this is good yeah i thought the only thing he did shitty was trash his writers but like other than that like i was like yo he's having a good set like that's not that's a terrible room like i've talked to people that been in that room and they say just like yo most of the people are at the back bar yeah yeah like people aren't even like so it's like yo he was doing just fine i think

it's one of those situations where you get up there and you can't hear the crowd oh and that happens all the time happens in good theaters it happens in ballrooms it happens where the stand-up isn't done all the time and i think he just wasn't hearing himself and thought he was bombing does he have a producer in his ear for that i don't know maybe yeah i don't know i don't know how long so he was talking about also he also took the job december 21st so chris rock was supposed to do it didn't want to do it turn it down whatever i don't i don't think you take the gig and then blame it no no no but but my question is how long would i don't know if you know this but just like how long would you want to prepare for something like that? Is that something that takes months, weeks? I would want more time than 10 days, but I also just wouldn't complain if I took the job and did it.

But if you were to do it, would you be like, give me six months and I can do this? Give me three months? You can get that together in a month. A month. Yeah, you hire good writers and you go out. I'm sure, I mean, I'd love to know who his writing team was, actually. Yeah. He posted them. Oh, Yeah. He posted them.

It was actually. Oh, shit. He posted them, too? It was before the Grammy. Before the Grammy. His last Instagram post was a screenshot of, like, a writer's table and said, it's about to go down. And then.

I don't want to talk out of school. That's why people need to get off this gram, bro. Go home. I know. You're 50, bro. Get off the gram. Just stop. Everybody's a fucking yeah man it's just whacked me i just like i just like you just you're just feeding this is the best thing that could happen to joe coy like my wife didn't know who the fuck he was before the golden globes and she's

in that world like she's like this is great for him i spoke to him a little and i try i wanted to tell him like because i've seen so many people get when you get caught up in the blender of the internet if you're not used to the internet like we've this is all we do yeah we've been in it we've watched people be in it we've talked about people you know so i'm like just be real about it like don't try to fight it don't try to just roll with it be be funny about it be gracious about it. Don't try to fight it. Don't try to just roll with it. Be funny about it. Be gracious about it. Whatever. Because when you're not used to it, and all of a sudden, the Swifties and the this and the that are all up in your shit.

She got them, though. She got them, though. I got to give it to Taylor for that one. She had the camera. I want a picture of that going down because she's sitting there. Camera's pointed right at her. She knows when it's going to cut. Yo, that was dirty.

That was a dirty move. He did say, though, he was like the one thing I regret was talking about my writers. He was like, everything else, I stand by, but I should not have thrown my writers under the bus. So he was like, I've apologized. Okay, I agree with that. I just thought that was the only place where I was just like oh damn that sucks he told me he was like i was at that point i was watching him back i was like he's having a good he's having i think the boobies joke off the rip really lost the room yeah that wasn't the strongest joke and then from

there i think this is nothing but good for him yes there's nothing other than people now know who he is at a national level. That's not what it was. Especially also knowing that he is a very successful comic where it's like the next thing you see about Joe Coy will be he's selling out an arena or doing whatever. He'll take a Netflix special and then talk about

bombing at the very end. Exactly. It's fine. Alright bro, well, I appreciate you coming through. Now that you're – come through whenever you want. Dude, I love it here. Come kick it. You can say whatever you fucking want all the time.

The new place is sick. I love it. You're being nice, but, you know. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I appreciate it, bro. Yeah. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.