KFC Radio - Jackie Confesses She Got a Boob Job (Kind Of) ft. Jake Johnson
Episode Date: March 15, 2022- You all hate the homeless - Jackie posts her tits in response to Stu Finer's Top 10 Hottest Girls at Barstool List - Tom Brady Un-Retires after 40 days - Kirk cousins has made a combined $230 Millio...n in his career - Which Barstool employee would you feel most comfortable sending your nudes to? - Top 5 Tournaments - Video Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - You all hate the homeless 8:58 - Jackie's tits 33:27 - Tom Brady Un-Retires 48:37 - Kirk Cousins is rich rich 57:57 - Nudes to a Barstool Employee 1:05:45 - Top 5 Tournaments 1:24:34 - Video Voicemails 1:47:11 - Jake Johnson Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Allbirds: Discover your perfect pair at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS today WhistlePig: Use code KFC22 for 10% off your order at https://barstool.link/PiggybackBSS Blue Nile: Use code KEVIN for $50 off $500 at https://barstool.link/clancy Sling: Go to https://barstool.link/barstoolsling to sign up now and try it freeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
And it's, uh, it's fucking pissing me off, John.
It's a little frustrating.
Yeah!
I'll admit that.
Yes!
I'm so happy I was waiting for some dumb fucking spin zone.
No, no, no. It's a little...
It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
It's Clancy and Feidelberg via Zoom.
Feitz is fresh out of the shower. If you're watching on YouTube, he's got that just came out of the beach,
just came out of the ocean look going.
I got a good light today.
I look nice.
I think I look handsome. You do look handsome. You look going. I got a good light today. I look nice. I think I look handsome.
You do look handsome. You look nice. You got the nice
floppy, curly surfer hair.
You've got a beard for
a couple more weeks.
The pressure's on now, baby.
I gotta be honest here.
I was surprised
at the lack
of concern. Not our listeners because our listeners are
theoretically already subscribed so
the listeners are safe the others
the lack of concern that society
as a whole shows for
the haircuts homeless people have
well we know John
we know that society
society you know that old like
no man left behind no no no we leave
the homeless behind we
kick them while they're down john offered to could not possibly have cared less he offered to pay one
dollar right one dollar per subscriber to the haircuts for all the subscribers it was a it's
a nice charity where they go out there and they uh you know help uh homeless people look presentable so that they can get jobs and get back on their feet.
And it was, without a doubt, like the lowest day of the BeardBet subscribers.
Do you know how fucking rude that is?
That you assholes, this man said, just all you gotta do is click a button and I will help get derelicts back on their feet.
And everyone outwardlyly intentionally was like nah
nah not not interested nobody gives a fuck about homeless people
thank god i didn't because it would have been super embarrassing for me but in my original
tweet when i declared i would be donating to the homeless people. I almost put in a parenthetical capped at $10,000.
$10,000
is what I was going to say.
I was going to put the cap.
Bro, put it all in perspective.
Okay, if you're new to listening
to the show, we have this bet going.
Every day, John tries
to get subscribers, and then sometimes I try to get subscribers.
Whoever has the most at the end of the month wins this bet. And we've, uh, we've been floating
around like the 400 per day area. I think on my birthday, when I just cheated and asked for that
for my birthday, I got like 800, but it's been in that four or five, 600 range. So John thought
with his little, his little fucking plot to include the homeless that maybe he was
gonna get 10 000 subscribers that day if something if it gets into the right thing of twitter like a
charity just sure off kind of deal sure absolutely i was worried that and i was i remember i was like
weighing the prices of like what i was gonna cap it at and i was thinking i was like maybe i'll cap it at five grand and then i was like you know
what it's actually hilarious if i end up paying i was like if i end up paying ten thousand dollars
for kevin to shave his beard that's a funny story yeah like we'll go ten bro now now it ended up
being like 430 bucks it ended up being like a kind of big Tuesday night out.
It is literally nothing.
I bet you go to Homeless Haircuts Association,
and they're going to be like, well, we've got to get the barbers,
got to get the material, fly them out there.
We've got to do all this stuff to make sure it's safe and antiseptic
and all that shit.
By the time it all sets up, you can probably get like three haircuts out of it i was gonna
say two to three haircuts like at that point is it even is it even worth donating the money
like like haircuts would be like thanks they might find it disrespectful yeah right like
that's like getting like a dollar tip it's like give me zero rather than a cheap tip
they might be like like if if you if someone calls up and is like hi i'm uh you know from
this like media company i have a donation for you and then they get a check for like 333 dollars
they're gonna be like how about you go fuck yourself you piece of shit 10 000 capped i got god how do i wish you you said
that i'll donate a dollar capped at 10 000 okay well it didn't crack 400 oh man that is that is
rich that is very i think it was like 430 something. That is so good. Couldn't crack 500.
You selfish, well-groomed sons of bitches.
You sheltered, ungrateful motherfuckers.
Here's a man who said, if you click a button, I will help get these people rehabilitated back on their feet.
I won't just give them money i will give them the gift of of the ability
to get work and to stay working and and fit in self-confidence self-confidence feel good as a
matter of fact john i've seen the episodes i've seen those videos where they they get like you
know they look like a different person and not just because their face is shaved but they're
smiling and they're bright and they're like oh my god, I see myself again.
And John offered that and
people said, no!
Don't care!
Went Jay Cutler on them.
Don't care!
So
we'll see. There's still plenty
of bet left, so we'll see
what comes. But now
that it's back in control everybody
go to the youtube and subscribe because now your boy's back on the sticks back on the ones and twos
i think that it was probably the internet gods punishing you for uh taking shots at me and
making it personal everything about that one yeah i think about that it's always been personal. It's personal to start.
Well, no, it's like you just don't want to shave.
Then you were taking shots at me.
I was.
But you, to be fair, you started that.
I even said, I think there's a behind-the-scenes video.
I'm like, I don't even believe this. But Kevin said it. So I'm going to run with it.
Where you were like, you were like, I need the beard more.
I jog, I'm ugly or whatever.
And I was like, all right, if he wants to, I'll run with that narrative.
But I disagree with it.
Well, I, I, I don't know.
I don't know what's underneath here.
I know you don't really know either because like our faces change and we get fatter.
I know you can clearly see.
Well, yeah, that's the weirdest beard ever.
It really looks like you taped hair onto the bottom
because it doesn't actually –
It looks like it's floating on your face.
The jackass bit where they did it with –
I think it was Danger Aaron where he was a fucking terrorist.
It was a super problematic bit back in the day
where they don't tell him that it's all the cubes, right?
Yeah.
That are glued to his face.
That's like what this is going to look like.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Nick, come watch this.
Do it again. Do it again.
Do it again for Nick.
Do it again.
Yeah.
If I was doing that to you, you would puke right now.
That would be enough to make you puke.
It looks like you're babbling in your skin.
Yeah, it does.
Your face looks like testicle skin.
Oh, God. Oh, God. That looks like your face looks like testicle skin. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
It looks like your pussy.
It looks like you got pussy lips on your face.
It looks like you are taking the lips of like a 1970s Bush porn star.
You want to get in this gash?
Oh, my God.
Get in this gash.
Jack, you like that one.
She's howling over there.
Bro, let's talk about the weekend that Jacqueline Nichols had.
I can't tell you.
This is probably a good thing for your ego and a bad thing for the state of society. But I had multiple people hit me up in an excited way,
being like, Jackie Starr and OnlyFans.
Really?
I was like, no, bro, stop.
Stop, you perverts.
But yes, I did.
So if you didn't see the KFC Radio vlog this weekend,
which is really starting to pick up steam, I'm loving it. This week on KFC Radio vlog this weekend, which is really starting to pick up steam. I'm loving it.
This week on KFC Radio,
we... Oh, you weren't
here for it, John. You were gone.
So, when Stu Feiner
tweeted out his list,
were you privy to all this, John?
Did you know what was going on?
I had no idea.
I had no...
So, this might be a little inside bar, so I don't think it really matters. Dave sent out an email, and I had no idea. I had no... This might be a little inside
Barstool, but I don't think it really matters.
Dave sent out an email, and I had no
idea what that email was about. The email simply
said, one, things we don't do at Barstool. One,
commit murder. Two, rank the women who work at
Barstool. And I was like, what the fuck
is he talking about? I was like,
who was dumb enough to fucking do
that? Who needed this email
in order to know, don't rank the women you work with?
There's only one, babe.
There's only one.
Stuart Feiner.
And the funniest thing was, like, if he had said, in honor of International Women's Day, I'm going to rank the girls.
He just said, because it's my 40th anniversary, I'll rank the women I work with,
which I kind of get what he's going with, I'm a dog, I'm a pig, and it's my wedding anniversary,
but I'll still talk about other hot bitches, I don't know, but Stu decided to rank the top 10
girls at Barstool Sports, immediately was deleted, Stu had his hand up. He said, I have a little self awareness to Jesus Christ.
But absent
from that list
was Jackie Nichols.
She was
not in there.
And so we can only assume she's
at best the 11th
hottest girl at Barstool. And really
who knows? Maybe she could be dead last. She could be
175th for all we know. There's tons and tons of people working here so uh that's a big letdown jackie
that reflects poorly on us yeah you need to step your shit up i i mean i did my show i so yeah i
did what i fucking could say uh maybe we maybe now is not the time to get on her because she
did step her shit up while we were just obviously, clearly,
tormenting her and torturing her.
It's funny because Dave made Stu take that down
and clearly doesn't want any narratives out there
about men at Barstool ranking the female employees.
We proceeded to make an entire fucking episode
of internet content about it
because there's no way i'm letting that go by
so uh i you know i'm clowning jackie i was saying well maybe it's because stew said the hottest
women at barstool and maybe you're so young you're still a girl she was like yeah maybe i'm just like
a bad bitch and i was like yeah but we just declared you a woman you are yeah maybe that's
definitely what it was yeah that was that was the problem but we just declared her a woman you are yeah maybe that's definitely what it was yeah that was that was
the problem but we just declared her a woman as you know on international women's day so that
wasn't it it's just clearly that you're too ugly to be on that list so jackie jackie in the moment
yo it was you gotta watch the clip on the vlog like without hesitation she was like, I'm just going to fucking show him my tits.
I was like, all right.
Let's go, girl.
I'm just going to take my tits out.
And then he's going to really see.
I was like, damn.
You didn't even hesitate one second.
And that's what she did.
So over the weekend, right, or I guess when the vlog was out, I tweeted out a link with the with the clip of the interaction on uh behind the scenes and jackie texted me being like should i post a thirst trap underneath it like would that be good
it's like yeah i think that might be good for business i said i said thirst shop yeah you've
heard of the internet right yeah you know you know where we work, right? Well, also, I was like, the internet's seen tits before.
And I haven't seen your tits before.
That's how the internet works.
That's true.
I haven't seen tits before, but I want to see those tits.
The best pair of tits you'll ever see are the next pair, you know?
So people got excited about that.
It's like Tom Brady's Super Bowl rings.
Exactly.
My favorite one's the next one.
So Jackie put up a thirst trap my lord was she trapping
she went in traffic john um but then i jokingly i think i think i i i was i was like in the car
maybe i went and i was like i that was one I saw that before I saw the video
right so you must have been like
I saw the reply
I was like what in the fuck is going
on here
it was
jarring
I had to do what I could
I had to pull out the big guns
literally brought the big guns out
those that is a great word, John.
Those tits are jarring.
It was like, whoa.
Holy fuck.
Here's the thing also is I got, when I was 15.
I wasn't being specific about what aspect of the picture was jarring.
Just the picture as a whole was quite a surprise.
When I was 15, i got a breast reduction and so these are
there was like it was a lot before but anyways these are the two percent reduced fat you gotta
be fucking kidding me it was like more than two but it was yeah oh yeah what i was just talking
about yeah yeah okay okay not the fucking actual percentage of your tits reduced. I think I got 40% out or whatever it was.
Yo, so you must have been, I mean, that must have been a problem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they were like also like shaped a little bit too.
And so I just kind of think of it as like it's, I'm just putting good, like my money.
To use.
To use.
Yeah.
I paid for that.
Because I'm sure you paid for those.
Well, well, my parents.
Yeah, I'm sure at 15 you paid for the boob job, yeah.
When they were kind of like...
Does insurance cover boob jobs at 15?
I feel like they should.
That's clearly...
If you're doing it at 15, that's clearly a medical procedure.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was...
Well, I had back problems, so insurance covered it.
Yeah, I bet.
You're like a little girl walking around.
It's like if you put on like a 100 pound uh chest weight
and just had to walk around and live your life with that shit yeah yeah i went for yeah it was
that is crazy so um so that's just in my head i was like you know what i paid good money so i'm
gonna just no absolutely what a great like that's pretty listen i'm sure zero to 15 wasn't maybe a
walk in the park yeah fucking scoliosis.
But also, you're hitting sophomore year of high school, and you have a justified boob job coming your way.
Kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're not walking around with the implants, but it's like, hey, while you're in there, shape them up for me.
Just make them look perfect while you're at it.
A lot of tits going on at the barstool right now.
That's the, like, what people used to do, like, in school when, like, a girl, like, got hit in the nose.
And she's like, while you're there, why don't you just fucking make it perfect, too?
Dude, there are girls that I was in school with that I know were, like, running around gym class just looking for a broken nose.
Just like, yeah, why don't we play full contact today?
How about we allow head hunting?
Whatever it takes to break this schnoz of mine.
Now, so I got to say, as far as thirst traps go,
take me through the psyche of a girl thirst trapping because where does the toothbrush come in?
Well, so I was just getting ready to go out.
Okay, so it was just genuine because it worked.
And then I just was like, oh, my tits look really good right now.
I'm going to take a picture.
And then I happened to have that.
And I had it kind of with a thought in mind being like, if I need to prove that I'm hot,
if this keeps being a thing and i need to approve it
you know it looks good now but can i talk about can i talk about the response sure are you saying
the toothbrush was not intentional there was no innuendo with the toothbrush no oh i didn't even
think about that of course you're the best jackie i did not think about i did not think about taking
the phallic thing and sticking it in my mouth.
You know what I mean?
No, I'm literally just realizing that right now.
It did.
It worked.
It added a little extra something.
It's not like you were like, it's overtly sexual.
But it's like, if you could take a picture just like, here are my tits.
Or like, here I am with like, holding this thing in my mouth.
The toothbrush works better.
It does.
No, that was like.
Now, I'll tell you
you can talk about your response. I can talk about my
response because I'll tell you what didn't
work is those nails honey. No I know
those nails honey.
Next time we're thirst trapping on the internet
let's make sure you get your nails did.
Yeah I didn't realize but then as soon
as I posted I was like okay people maybe
hopefully they won't be looking at the nails and then
I just. Well that's how you know the assholes. if you look at that picture and you're zooming in on her pinky
nail to look at her fucking nail polish no it was bad it was bad they were not great they looked like
they were like chewed on us still right now i have not noticed nails and i think that's probably the
strongest argument for my heterosexuality.
We haven't had one of those in a while.
We haven't had a good moment for John.
Like John's heterosexuality is in there being like,
we're 0 for a million, dude.
Can we get one on the board?
And now you got it. John didn't even notice Jackie's fingernails.
I didn't notice them either until they were pointed out,
and then I was like, oh, God.
Oh, God.
Yeah, next time I'm – We're doing your nails. We're doing my nails. I'll get – them either until they were pointed out and then i was like oh god oh god yeah they're there next
time i'm we're doing it else yeah i'll get well but so anyway this is all a long way to say
that i sent out a tweet being like yep the rumors are true jackie's joining only fans
and then immediately made a thread saying joking it's only cans with bean cans and uh you know but
if people didn't see that follow-up tweet and they only saw
the first one there were some people who got excited but but then but then can i talk about
yeah yeah so your response what did you okay well so stew's response was what i had the issue with
oh yes is that what i can talk yes of course you can talk about what the fuck you want he
he wait stew had a response yes yes he so at first again and i was
justifying i was like you know what i'm probably not on stew's radar like he probably just forgot
about me whatever also like i don't have any all the girls on that list are hot i don't have an
issue with that list i just would like to be on that sure list okay and then his response was what was it oh guess who's not paying
for guess who wouldn't pay for it so now wait wait wait wait hang on hang on what did he say
exactly because i think maybe i was misinterpreting it i thought he said something about like you like
he would be paying for you no he was saying he wouldn't be paying he said guess who wouldn't be paying lol i think he
meant you like okay wait now now okay this is interesting so now we gotta like break it down
because i think that there is some maybe some confusion or maybe i'm confused but okay so john
um i tweeted the rumors are true oh oh oh this, oh, this was the OnlyFans tweet.
Okay, so yeah, you're right.
Okay, so I said the rumors are true.
Jay Nicks is starting an OnlyFans.
Somebody tagged Stu Feiner and said,
top 10, question mark.
And then Stu said, guess who won't be paying, LOL.
Talking about my OnlyFans.
Yeah.
So now it's like intentional.
So now, wait a minute.
I thought that was like about the whole situation,
and I thought Stu was saying like I would pay for everything for her.
I'd buy her dinner.
I'd bake her out.
But no, that was a direct I won't be paying for her OnlyFans.
That's why I was like, can I respond?
So now, hang on.
This whole thing I thought was a joke because it's like obviously you would be
at the top of this list.
But now it's like, no, Stu just doesn't think you're hot.
No, Stu just doesn't think I'm hot.
Like that was the problem.
I really – I genuinely in my heart was like Stu just doesn't really know Jackie.
Like she doesn't – he doesn't – because we don't do content together.
I'm like if Stu met Jackie, he would put her on his list.
Now I'm like, yo, you are just not Stu's type, apparently.
You are a dog
to Stu Feiner, Jackie. Which I just,
I just, I've heard that he
appreciates
every woman. He does. He does.
Like, he loves it all.
So now,
Just not you.
It's literally like, I don't
want to like, I'm not going to go to war with him.
But if I, I mean, this means war.
So maybe he's an old wily vet.
Maybe this is his plan.
Like, look at you.
You're all riled up, ready to fucking blast off who knows what pictures next
to try to convince Stu to pay for my OnlyFans.
Maybe he's just reeling you in.
So, okay, so we're coming to the conclusion.
He does think I'm hot.
And he wants more.
He wants more content.
This is the brain of a girl.
Like, oh, yeah.
No, he hasn't texted me in two weeks because he really loves me so much.
He's intimidated by me.
That must be it.
It's just.
That is kind of a fucking.
We're watching in real time how negging works.
Yes.
We're watching the
hamster wheel of negging spin inside Jackie's
brain.
It just really...
Because I'm looking at
the replies to that reply.
I don't get...
Yeah.
Someone was like, what a burn.
But one person said like get him Stu
a true gentleman beautifully said my friend
part of me wants to be like
Stu what do you
what does this mean
I just want to talk
I just want to talk to Stu
do you want me to call Stu
do you want me to call Stu
no don't call Stu
this is just so much more hilarious knowing now that he's like,
meh, no, I've seen it.
I've seen the goods.
You're not top ten.
Like, should I post my ass next?
I don't know.
I don't know what's, you know.
I'm sure the KFC Radio listeners are going, yes!
Yeah, no, no, no.
Post your, yeah, whatever's next.
Yeah.
Do whatever it takes jackie
wow well listen i have i guess my advice would be uh stop being so ugly i guess i guess and that
was the whole new year's resolution yeah well so there was now throw out stew's response uh-huh i
saw quite a bit of responses like that's a chick who doesn't have to pay for her own drugs sort of thing no that's there was there was there was a good amount of i would have i would say 99 one you know like
stew's one comment was the only bad one the rest was like yeah uh i'll buy you your drugs i want
to bang you those are nice tits any you know any variation of that yeah yeah so ultimately thirst
trap successful but i guess ultimately not because
the one thing it was supposed to accomplish did not yeah yo yo yo this is straight out of uh uh
mystery this is out of the playbook this is negging to a t you're really right this is the
pickup artist dream come true what but what happened was Jackie put up her hot Instagram
post and everyone watched
it but her ex.
The one guy
she wanted.
Stu's just my...
He's like the one that got away but you never had him.
I'll get him.
Oh, will you? Okay.
And again, the case...
I'm going to fuck stupid.
Am I on your top ten list now?
Speaking of top ten lists, top number one in the game these days is Whistlepig.
And I mean that from their whiskey to their ready-to-drink cans to their brand.
The thing about Whistlepig is its brand.
It's like you can like whatever alcohol you like.
You can like the taste.
You can like where it's from, wherever you get it.
But the brand of Whistlepig is one of the most like well curated meticulously made brands I've ever seen
the merch they make is cool the partnerships they have are awesome their farm is like all together
new age while being like a old school rustic place the people who work there are cool uh
everyone's young everyone is it's just like when there are certain sponsorships,
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sure,
you know,
you guys are a good company and we'll back you.
And then there are ones that are like,
fuck,
this is almost like how we should run our shit.
They're that,
uh,
they're that cutting edge and that cool.
And that's why we are pretty much positive that their new ready to drink
cocktails in a can,
piggybacks, are going to be the big drink of the summer.
I'm about to give you the biggest cosign we can have, Kev.
Hit me.
What do we got?
Wow.
Is that in Polly's pantry?
Yeah.
Listen, you know when Polly Feidelberg, it's enough for her to get the Feidelberg clan.
They keep that shit stocked over here. They keep it on deck.
We've got the three different flavors.
We've got the citrus mint, which is kind of like your mint julep at the Kentucky Derby.
We've got the fresh ginger lime, which is your Moscow Mule,
if you will, and then the Blackberry
Lemon Fizz. All of them
delicious cocktails in a can, ready to
go at how many percent
alcohol, John? Tell them.
Eight.
Eight. Eight percent. That's double
your average beer or
seltzer. So this summer
when you have a four-pack, that's all you need, baby.
That's all you need.
Whistle Pig piggybacks will get you there.
They are available in Massachusetts.
I think they're almost available in New York and Jersey.
I think I've heard Whistle's in Rhode Island, New Hampshire.
They're rolling them out.
It's available a lot.
Ooh, breaking news.
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So I've been telling you, you know, if it's available in your state to go stock up on it.
But now it might make sense to order it off the internet because you can get a 10% discount.
I don't know if your local liquor store
is going to be doing promo code KC2022.
I will admit I'm not a regular orderer
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But to the reader, to the listener,
try it on this one.
Yeah.
Try it on this one,
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Go to WhistlePigWhiskey.com, KFC 2022.
No, just KFC 22.
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But the same way that people have like their regular groceries ordered every month
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just have your Whistlepig show up every
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because it is going to be the summer of piggybacks.
I mean, he did it.
He fucking did it, we all thought.
By the way, while we're on the Whistlepig stuff
and maybe some housekeeping real quick, new rule for the group text because
i sent a text friday night new rule for the group text when cabin or i send a text it at least gets
acknowledged i like that i like that rule at least give me a fucking a fucking thumbs up or uh
whatever uh no don't check check No, not even a thumbs up.
Not a thing.
I asked where our video was.
We're going to start doing something on Fridays
for Whistlepig stuff.
I asked if we had that video at like noon
or 3 p.m. or whatever
so it could go later in the night.
Never acknowledged by anybody.
We're now 0 for 2.
That plan was put in place two weeks ago.
We're now 0 for 2 on that plan. Can I tell two weeks ago. We're now 0 for 2 on that plan.
Can I tell you something that's even better?
Jackie, I don't think he's listening right now.
No, I'm looking at the group chat.
I thought she was on her phone being like, I don't give a
fuck.
What do you think of that, Jackie?
Well, I think that
this is going to sound like such a
bad excuse. Yeah, definitely.
I don't get notifications from this group chat anymore.
Like, I know it's like that.
Might I suggest turning them on, Jackie?
I don't know.
It's not like something that I like turned off.
It's just like my phone just doesn't tell me when you guys text anymore until I click into it.
Have you tried to fix that?
It's been a persistent issue
for about... Your entire
duration of the universal.
Every time we get a company
email, I'm like, do you see that? And she's like,
scrambles to grab her phone. I'm like,
turn on notifications.
That's a requirement. I can't
believe we're going to have to make a new rule, but
yeah, you have to acknowledge
the two people on the show when they say something if there isn't a video and if the video is not ready
if you're not just say fucked up don't have the video but don't leave me on fucking red
yep that's a good fucking rule that's a nice uh rule for going forward on KC Radio. Don't leave us unread, you
dumb assholes.
I'm still not seeing the text.
I went before
this episode, I went to double check to make sure.
I was going to say, I hope you did double check.
It was 11.04 a.m. on Friday.
11.04 a.m. on Friday.
11.04, I asked for that night's video.
I'll be honest too.
There was plenty of time to make the video from then on.
I didn't see it either because I just don't read all these things.
But, okay, Friday and the KFC radio group text?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Do we have – yep, the video for today.
And then Jackie just sent Friday Night Pints assets 40 minutes later.
Yeah, well, like, that's not, I feel like this is getting on me, but we all did.
That is true.
Everyone shares the blame here.
Nobody responded to John at 11 a.m.
I don't really know what I'm getting on.
Just a word question.
Wasn't asking how everyone's fucking doing.
It was a word question.
Where's the fucking video for work?
And it was just left out in the abyss.
Now, I would imagine, John, that's because they didn't have the video.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
They clearly didn't.
No, no.
I know.
What do you mean?
What is a hog call video?
We talked about the – do we not talk about it with Nick?
I thought it was all in the group chat.
Yeah, yeah.
Cavs definitely said he was going to make it.
I can't hear him.
You know the hog call video, right?
You know what we're talking about.
Yeah, Yeah. So I remember definitely hearing about that because there's the funny video of them doing the hot calls.
Well, we got to make hot call videos.
Somebody.
Just somebody.
Let's make it happen.
40 days and 40 nights, John. That's all it took, John john it's all it took john it's all it took
for tom brady to come back 40 days and 40 nights that's how long we were in a tom brady list world
in the nfl and i want to hear it from you specifically because you were leading the
charge of like yeah he just you know he's just a guy who just retires and doesn't make any
fanfare about it and doesn't make
it a big deal and now we're doing
the whole back and forth wishy washy thing
and it's uh
it's fucking pissing me off John
it's a little frustrating
yeah I'll admit that
I'm so happy I was waiting
for some dumb fucking spin zone
no no it's a little um I'm so happy I was waiting for some dumb fucking spin zone no
it's a little
it's not who he's been
his whole career it's a little out of the ordinary
he's been a quiet guy who doesn't
really make much of a fuss
make much of a mess I think he's even
said before that he was never
he probably wasn't going to have a retirement tour.
But you know what else?
Which I don't think this is.
No, I don't think it's a retirement tour either.
This is –
Sorry, you go ahead.
We're in a little delay here.
I think it's just – it's out of the ordinary for him.
And it is – part of me was like a little –
no, I'm never going to complain I'll get to watch Tom Brady play football more.
There is something primal that happens to me
when I watch Tom Brady run onto a football field.
So there's an excitement that I've never experienced
in any other form of my life, in any other facet of life.
I've not felt the joy I feel when I watch Tom Brady run into a field.
So to get at least 17 more of those fucking little moments of joy in my life,
probably the last time I'll ever feel joy.
So, yeah, I'm happy about at least 17 more.
But there is an aspect of it where it is a little like this isn't.
And obviously later in his career, he has become more of this kind of guy.
He's been more in the media, more commercials and social media.
Fucking, no, obviously just leaving the Patriots.
There's been more drama surrounding him in his later years.
Yep.
So it's not completely, it's not a complete shock.
But yeah, part of me, because I think that's just so fucking badass.
Yeah, well, that's the thing. He had – you only – technically, like, the only thing you get to do –
well, no, because you could do it multiple times.
But, like, you only get one shot at doing the retirement right.
You know what I mean?
And all of the greats have come back.
Jordan on the Wizards, Montana on the Chiefs.
He's not the first.
But it's almost like the same way that we revere Vince Gilligan and Breaking Bad
because they're the one that did do it right when so many others have faltered.
Really, when you think about it, television show finales and sports finales are often the same
where they hold on too long or they try to do a comeback and it ruins the legacy, quote-unquote.
And they all do it because for
a lot of the same reasons as a matter of fact you're making too much money you're too popular
you can't let go so there's a lot of parallels there and the guys who do nail it well the guy
because it really is just like breaking bad uh and everyone else kind of gets shit where it's like
you know we still love insert show the sopr Sopranos, Lost, whatever, but Game of Thrones.
And then sometimes you really fuck it up and they don't, you know, it does actually ruin things.
But you just, he had a chance to do like, what he really should have done was retire after the one in Tampa Bay.
Because then you really ride out into the sunset.
But it's hard to do when you're still fucking awesome when peyton
manning rode off into the sunset it was because we knew if he played one more fucking game he was
going to be you know dead so you know his body was telling him it's almost a curse in a way to be as
good as he is at this age because it's like when the fuck do i retire i'm 100 and i'm still just
as good so uh it was i mean mean that is what he's always said.
That is – maybe it was a little foolish of us to believe that he was going to retire.
Well, it's like he gave himself and the public the blueprint but then deviated from it.
And I wonder if that's just because like was it – was his family like, hey, dad, can you retire?
Or was there some outside force uh and then you know he
gave it some time and was like no or was it just like you know dave was saying on the rundown
when you when you first wrap up an nfl season you're probably like holy shit i can never do
that again no fucking way and then two months later your body and your mind and your heart are right. But it just seems weird for a guy that usually is so in control.
It was clearly wishy-washy.
Like he had to have had major doubts just 40 days ago.
Right?
Yeah.
Like you can't go from like 100% to a back.
So he had to have been like, I don't know.
So it just seems like a hundred percent to a back so he had to have been like i don't know so it just seems like
a reckless move because there's no like there was no gun to his head unless he wanted to wrap it up
for his fucking you think that was it you think it was that show he was doing no because that was i
don't know if it was done just yet but like i guess maybe before free agency starts like he
he needed to have a like let the team know so they could move on and now
he needed to come back before the team needed to go get somebody else or i guess there are like
limitations if you want to play next year but it also seems like you're tom brady they'll fucking
they can make a trade for deshaun watson if you want to come back they'll put his ass on the
bench like no problem you know it just didn't seem like there needed to be he he was the one
who announced it and he's the one who put himself in this spot.
It's weird.
It is very weird.
It was also weird, the reports were like – because even –
I don't know how nationally it was covered, but in New England,
and by at least New England beat reporters, there was always some doubt
to the sincerity of the retirement.
But the reports on how they were proving that it was doubtful were so fucking funny it was like dude there was one
there was a full-on report that tom brady is still drinking water so he might that was that's
i guess he has a water bottle that he like yeah, we know how much water we drink every day. Right. And it's like,
like,
he's still walking around with the water bottle.
Yo,
that's,
that's so bad.
I like it.
That one's great.
That one to me is really fucking funny.
Right.
Yeah.
Technically.
Right.
Right.
They were right.
He did.
It was making the comeback.
I think he'd be drinking the fucking water,
whether he was going to play football again or not.
Right. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Tom Brady, he would, going to come back. I think he'd be drinking the fucking water whether he was going to play football again or not. I think.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Tom Brady, he would stop carrying a jug of water if he wasn't playing
football, but I don't know.
That was the whole report.
Brady's drinking from his jug of water.
Do you think that video with Ronaldo
played a role?
I didn't see it.
I know he was at the Man U game.
He went to the Man U game and afterwards he's signing
Ronaldo's signing a ball for one of his kids
he flips it to him
and then he turns and he says to him
I couldn't actually hear it all that well, it's kind of a hard video to hear
but he says like, so you're retired
and he goes like
yeah
and then like the next day
I wonder if it was like
alright, you know what, fuck it.
It's already out there.
Or now the media is going to start with their bullshit.
Like he's questioning it, so maybe I just do it now.
But I feel like that actually kind of – like that might have actually played a role.
I didn't see that.
But, yeah, I would definitely.
If I had seen that, I would have been like, oh, he's coming back.
Yeah, like just rip off the band-aid that he would be like right yep let's
fucking do it i just i i hate it because i don't want to see him do it like like people i have to
address the people mainly some jets fans who are like already telling me like why why do you still
care he's out of the afc east don't
you know that this doesn't affect the jets don't you know that fuck you okay because i know most
of you are probably like 20 years old and really when it comes down to it only the very tail end
of brady's career frustrated you with a chunk of those years. Being on the Tampa Bay Bucks. So it doesn't even affect you at all.
The people who lived through the full.
Reign of terror.
Of Tom Brady.
Don't fucking like that guy.
And it's not that it's personal.
I actually think he's awesome as a personal guy.
But as a fucking player.
I look at him.
And it makes me want to puke.
And kill him.
And kill myself.
And it's a.
It's a.
It's 23 fucking years.
Of hate. That's buried deep inside you, that you
don't just like, oh, he's gone now, like, whatever, it's no big deal, because I don't want to see him
do well again, and I don't want to see Patriots fans who become Bucks fans have their fucking
cake and eat it too again, and I don't want to see guys like Stephen Che and Bucks fans who all of a sudden
just got gifted the greatest of all fucking time just falls into their lap and they have their
problem solved while I'm sitting over here with time as a flat circle because Tom Brady winning
as long as Tom Brady's winning and in this league doing that it's like his league and it's like old
times and it's like new times haven't begun.
And we haven't ushered in a new era where maybe the Jets can finally fucking win,
where Zach Wilson is just taking over and running with the torch.
It's not there yet.
It's not happening, and it reinforces the fact that nothing fucking changes for me.
So, no, I'm not just going to, like, get over it.
No, it doesn't matter to me that he's not in the AFC East anymore.
Because you know what?
What if he just goes out there and balls out, has an MVP season,
and his team is not injured in the playoffs like they were this year,
and he wins another Super Bowl?
You want that?
You want another fucking Super Bowl for Tom Brady?
Because that's definitely on the table.
And then as Jets fans or any other lowly fans,
you've got to hear all about that shit and how great
he fucking is.
And that somehow, you know, New England claims half that as their fucking another championship
for them.
And everybody's happy except for fucking you again.
And you're not, that's just okay.
You got no fucking problem with that.
You're children.
You're like 18 years old.
You don't know what it was like.
So fuck you.
Don't tell me how to, how to handle this.
The real ones know
i think that i think what you just displayed is exactly why he came back because i think he gets
off yeah on on he gets off on like i think i think there was part of it where he saw like aaron rogers kind
of making a thing and he's like oh oh fuck that right yeah i leave that it gets to be someone
else never mind right i'm not gonna do this like and like he's like oh aaron aaron you're so
selfless you came back for 50 million dollars a year i'll do it for 25 uh-huh like that everything
is just a mother he is like he is the most he is the biggest motherfucker in the history of sports.
Yep.
He fucking hates Kevin.
Like your king hate Tom Brady hates so much harder than you do.
I know.
But he just does it in a different in a successful way.
Fucking I Tom Brady.
Tom Brady fucking hated people talking about Aaron Rodgers.
Tom Brady fucking hated hearing about how great the AFC East is with quarterbacks now.
There's a new era been ushered in.
Tom Brady hated that talk.
He said, what do you mean there's a new fucking era?
I am the era.
It's actually total bullshit that he was not the MVP last year.
He was 100% the MVP.
Usually there are other...
So much more goes into
being a quarterback. And usually Rodgers
does have the better stats, but I think it doesn't
matter because what Brady brings to being a quarterback
greatly
outweighs those. But this year Brady had the better
stats too on top of it.
Rodgers had a more efficient season.
Yeah, Brady was more efficient,
but those numbers fucking matter
when we're talking about an mvp tom brady had the most touchdown passes tom brady the most passing
yards tom brady was tom brady is the hands down mvp yeah it was so when he's like whoa what do
you guys mean new era what do you guys mean there yep we're moving on so you're not moving on from
me and i am a fucking planet. I hold all the gravity.
Everything revolves around me.
You come to me.
Yeah.
I do think, too, once he became more of an internet guy,
specifically, I still maintain that I convinced him to give that guy a fucking Bitcoin
after that one video where I –
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which, by the way, whoever –
that guy who paid 500 grand for the
Tom Brady's last touchdown ball
you got to go make that right
right Tom Brady's got to break that guy off some
change no
because I think it's one of those things
we're like because we make fun
of it and because it's so unique now it ends up being
worth yeah it's like the not because it's not
less you know it's actually the
second to last first retirement blah, blah, blah, blah.
You're right.
But I think when Tom Brady sees – I feel like Tom Brady in his heart of hearts,
it's like if you asked him, why do you go out there and play?
Do you play for John Feidelberg or do you play for Kevin Clancy
I think he would he would probably
say the right thing oh I play
for the Patriots fans who love me and support me
but I think he goes out there to
fuck with me more than to make
you happy you know
I don't even think he'd say
it the other way you think he would say it yeah
yeah yeah like I think there's
a part who like I think he like knows me or or guys like me like all the big jets fans
all the all the major fans of the fan bases that like went against him i think he's like
yeah like you guys are my little fucking play things you're my little fucking puppets
that i just smash whenever i want and i don't want to I don't want to stop doing that yet. I mean, we're talking about a guy who still can fucking tell you
the six quarterbacks chosen ahead of him.
Yes.
I mean, obviously that's not something you'd forget,
but not that he can still tell you that.
It's still clearly bothering him.
Yes.
It's still obsessive.
He's won seven Super Bowls, and fucking Gio Carmanza, whatever the fucking 49ers guy is, still fucking pisses him off.
That's crazy.
That's deranged.
That's why him saying unfinished business is deranged.
What's not finished?
What haven't you fucking finished, man?
Like unless it's I have to also ride off in the sunset, because that's a
tall order, and like, you might, might have to stick around a while to do that, but other than
that, you've finished fucking everything, dude, so, uh, why don't you just chill out, man, it's like,
you're 44, like, just go sit by the pool, and I can't, you know, I'm, I'm still not even 40 yet,
I can't even, like, get out of bed and shit.
It's like, what are you doing still playing football, man?
Just calm down a little bit.
You're so extra, Tom.
Just fucking relax, man.
By the way, while we're just quickly talking about quarterbacks,
did you see the number of Kirk Cousins' career earnings?
I believe over 250?
It was like 230, 240,
but that is fucking
bananas.
I think he's going to finish
his career as the top five paid NFL
player of all time.
I mean,
I think it was Joy Taylor said
something like, Kirk Cousins' best
attribute is that he knows how to make money.
And it's just like true.
There's just like – all of sports is always about like when your contract expires and when was the CBA deal and are you a free agent at the right time and who else is in your free agent class and all that shit.
And sometimes guys get all the breaks and like their, their contracts like align with the good times.
And then like,
you look like,
like Jacob to Grom,
Jacob to Grom got a contract for $137 million.
And we,
we knew right away that was pretty much a good deal.
But then like immediately because the,
the,
the market shifted a little bit,
Garrett Cole,
all of a sudden signs for three 24 and it's like And it's like, oh, yeah, you fucked up.
And now he'll get an extension.
He'll get a new deal when he opts out, and it'll be better.
But he missed out on getting that real fucking money.
And Kirk Cousins is a guy who I guess just was always available at the right time,
right place, free agency when it mattered, where he always got the top dollar,
I would rather be, I would rather be him and have the, the, like, the, like, his Hall of Fame stat
is like, I got the fucking most money, if it's not gonna be like I have the most Super Bowls,
I'd rather it be like I'm the guy who somehow snaked the most money from this godforsaken league. That is fucking amazing.
$200 million plus?
Huh.
You can measure Kirk Cousins with the B word because you can say quarter of a billion.
The fact that billion and Kirk Cousins are ever in the same sentence is –
it's one of the all-time greatest accomplishments that man has ever seen.
Truly something impressive.
If we're doing like kind of like shock and awe about money things,
I heard one of my favorite fun facts this weekend.
It was the KG retirement tour, number of retirement.
So there are a lot of former Celtics around.
There was a picture that went viral, or at least, I don't know,
I saw of Antoine Walker where Antoine is big.
Oh, he's well-fed.
Well-fed.
Yeah.
But my buddy gave me one of my favorite fun –
it's obviously not going to be as fun anymore
because I think I basically just gave you the answer.
There are two players in NBA history who won an NBA college NCAA championship, an NBA championship, and made $100 million.
Ooh, that's a great stat.
And Tuan's one of them.
Tuan's one.
A college?
The other one is the answer to every basketball question.
If you have a basketball stat question, he's an answer.
Jordan? Yeah. Jordan?
Yeah, Jordan and Antoine.
Wow.
Wait, nobody else has won a college title to go along with that?
To be fair, my friend did give me this kind of warning
where the stat's about five years old,
so maybe someone has joined the party recently, but I don't think so.
Yeah, college championships are weird, though,
because, first of all you maximum maximum have four years to try to get it done
uh you know what i mean like and you could throw out your freshman year if you're like a great
most of you you know leave in three some in two some in none but yeah that's crazy like you'd have
to think lebron would have been on it if he went to college but
you know you don't know i mean how about like a guy like zion it's so funny zion's just walking
around new orleans just fat as fuck and it's just like yeah i don't know maybe he's not gonna be
good and nobody cares but some guys are like busts and they're getting they're getting roasted and
like i mean people make fun of him for being fat but we don't talk about him being a bust like a
generational like loser i guess there's still time to write his his uh story but yeah there's very I mean, people make fun of him for being fat, but we don't talk about him being a bust, like a generational loser.
I guess there's still time to write his story.
But, yeah, there's very few guys who do it all like that.
Shout out to Twan.
What a fucking life that is.
Was he on the – he wasn't on the Celtics team when they won, was he?
What's his NBA title?
No.
No, he was on the Heat.
The Heat.
The Heat.
That's great. God, he's on the Heat. The Heat. The Heat. That's great.
God, I just love a good hustle.
I love a good snake-and-tea-making story.
That same friend, because Antoine has no money left because he's addicted to gambling.
Sure.
And that same friend who told me that stat saw him at Foxwoods once, bought him a shot,
and then in response to the shot,
Antoine Walker walked away
with the Walker Wiggle for everybody.
That's a guy who knows.
Didn't ask for it.
No one asked for it.
No.
Antoine did the shot
and then did the Walker Wiggle back.
But that's a guy who knows
what the people want.
Like, it's like having a catchphrase
or something, you know what I mean?
It's like if The Rock gives you the people's eyebrow, it's like if, uh, somebody
gives you the handshake or does the line or something, uh, without, you know, without
even doing it.
Like if it was me, if I knew, if I had a catchphrase, I would just say it.
You know, when we're taking a picture, I'd be like on the count of three, everybody say
like, you can't handle the truth or whatever the fuck.
I know the people want it.
But just like, hey, Twan, can I buy you a shot?
Hey, can you take a picture?
Hey, can I, you know.
Yeah.
And then when we're done, I'm just going to shimmy and you're going to be happy.
I love it.
I love guys like that.
I like when they go broke.
It makes me feel good.
But, yeah, you spent all that money, dude.
You did it right, dude. You're not taking anything with you man um all right we got uh jake johnson on the program a great interview with him we actually did it a little while back
but we had to sit on it for uh like uh release purposes because his new show is coming out
um great interview that actually lines up perfectly because it was the beginning.
It was where the Blade bet was born, right?
I believe so, yeah.
I think this is the birth of the Blade bet
because we talk about using beards to cover our face.
Also, kind of a cool moment, I thought, for us,
where Jay Johnson said he was looking at his press
and looking at the list of like uh
people that he was doing it like uh doing press with and something about the way we were presented
to him was like we are officially in the big leagues of like shows now i can't remember
exactly what he says but he was like oh okay like he said he said he wanted to he saw us as an
option he said he wanted to do us and they were and they told him we'll see if we can get that.
Yeah, which is obviously funny because it's like an automatic yes every time with him.
But, yeah, he was like, okay, they're in the big leagues now.
Let's go.
So we got a good interview with him.
Of course, we'll do voicemails.
We got top ten tournaments today – top five tournaments in honor of March Madness.
But before we do all that, I've got a quick story I've got to tell you on Sling.
I've got to tell you about Sling.
Right now, we've got a lot cooking on Sling.
We've got Brandon Walker, who does like ten nightly shows on Sling TV.
We've got Kelly Keegs' new show, The Other Line.
Did you see Kelly's debut?
I did not see it. No. I I saw videos yeah oh you saw clips of it
Kelly Kelly looked like a hundred out of ten she looked fucking unbelievable in that debut I I sent her a screenshot and said what the fuck is I I did the same thing I was like yo you look
fucking so hot in your debut.
And she was like,
well, great,
now I've got to do like 10 hours of hair and makeup
before every episode
because I think she said,
yeah, I've been getting
some attention about it.
Jackie's out here
throwing around her tits
with her busted ass fingers
and we got Kelly out here
with her nice blowout
doing her debut.
He also knew
what she was doing
with that background color.
She knew what that was
going to do to her eyes.
Making that shit pop.
Yeah.
So if you want to see quite the looker on Sling TV, you got to download it.
You got to subscribe to it today.
We also have all of your Barstool podcasts and actually a couple of March Madness games this year are going to be streamed on Sling.
So all your live sports your barstool sports
channel 24 7 plus all your streaming uh television and movies at sling.com slash barstool you can
sign up and try it for free for a few days no contracts it's easy to use easy to set up and
easy to watch it's sling.com slash barstool and every sunday you can see hot ass kelly keegs on
her new show the other line which i i I also heard was a rousing success.
There was a ton of calls.
She had a lot of good banter.
When you rely on calls, to this day, when I do live shows and I'm like, let's open up the calls, I always have a panic attack that there's going to be no calls.
And that's like 15 years in.
So I'm sure she was bugging out about that and she had a bunch of
people on hold so good for kelly and you can check out the other line every sunday on sling tv i had
a uh what could have been a disastrous moment uh very apropos considering last episode john
declared it the end of the nudes era right right? You said we're done with that?
Yes.
So I – We're living in a post-nude society.
That's what it was, the post-nudes society.
This dystopian blight where we don't send naked pictures to each other anymore.
So I had taken a picture of a young lady that I was with.
And so I had her picture on my phone.
Okay.
And my plan was to send it to her as like, damn, did you see this?
Like, this is what you look like.
It was like earlier that day, like laying in bed, like just so you know.
God damn, you know god damn you know it's like sending a screenshot of kelly's debut to her yeah and i sent the picture to bob fox
i i i i don't remember. How?
We were talking while I was texting and driving, and I was talking to Bob Fox. Bro, you were texting and driving exchanging nudes?
Yeah, man.
Maybe I'm not in a post-nude society like you, bro.
I mean, that is downright irresponsible.
Let me clarify.
I was texting in traffic and driving.
Like, stop dead on the fucking West Side Highway where there's every single day one accident.
It's fucking insane.
There's just always a car broken down, just blocking off a lane, causing problems on like a Friday afternoon rush hour.
It's crazy.
But I was, yeah, listen, what do you want from me?
I was stuck in traffic.
You know I get horny in traffic, John.
You know that's a problem for me.
Bob's lucky I didn't get a picture of my dick next.
But I sent the picture, and I very quickly realized what happened.
It was also one of those things.
I don't know if you guys have the same problem.
When you have a picture and you click the button to share or save or whatever,
all the options come up, and sometimes there's almost like the –
you can either just do send as a text message,
and then you type in the name of who you want or they just have the circle icons of the people who you like most recently texted.
Sometimes for me that like – that pops up and then also someone else who can airdrop pops up and they like move over at the last second.
Like I'm going to click you and the fucking little circles move.
So I think that happened. Plus I was just already kind of going back and forth with Bob at the same time and i'm going to click you and the fucking little circles move so i think that happened plus i was just already kind of going back and forth bob at the same time and i
sent it to bob and i just go oh no oh no oh no oh no and i just kept sending it over and over again
to like kind of get it off the screen it was it luckily it was like a pg-13 it was like a very
harmless nude but i was like as i'm saying oh no no no i was also like
you know what if there's like one person this could happen to i'd want it to be you like bob
or trent would be like the two guys that i'd be like it's okay it's just bob and trent they're
gonna be cool about it no we don't have to worry about any awkwardness we're all good here and and
then and you know how i know i was right by that the the gentleman
that he is he deleted it from our conversation screenshotted our conversation and sent it back
to me and said don't worry it's it's been deleted because he said i i didn't see anything i didn't
see anything it was a very funny exchange but then he proved to me probably after he saved it to his
camera roll a little creep uh but he proved to me that he deleted it so i wanted to
ask you who's the one person at barstool if you were gonna send a nude of you or a girl or just
whatever the situation may be you're gonna you're gonna get it wrong who would you want who do you
want it to be and i and you can't do it with me but what did the girl say she laughed what what
did the girl say she laughed yeah she What did the girl say? She laughed.
Yeah, she laughed.
She was just like – because again, she said it was really pretty harmless.
She was mad.
She was like, damn it.
It wasn't like my best nude.
She's like, I could have done better.
Yeah, yeah, the one person I'm trying to think who like probably Pat.
Okay.
Pat.
Oh no.
He's a deviant, bro.
There's a chance.
Wait, wait, wait.
Fuck.
No, fuck.
That dude's no, nevermind.
That dude's a psychopath.
Yeah.
I was thinking one cause he's gay. Yeah. I was thinking, one, because he's gay.
Yeah.
And two, because Pat and I are pretty good friends.
This is going to sound bad, but Pat's got a lot of secrets on me.
What's another one?
Pat's been a part of a lot of stuff that I wouldn't like the world to know about,
and he's kept his mouth shut about it.
So this sounds like I suck Pat's dick.
I was going to say, this sounds like you fuck Pat
and don't want anyone to know.
No, but here's the thing about Pat, and I know this well.
Pat right now, he has a new hit show on his hands.
The Out and About and the Mam Mafia is growing,
and they are at a point right now
where he is in grind mode
and content mode and he will do anything
and exploit anything for a good story
that shit's ending up on the screen
at the next out and about episode
no doubt about it
John sent me his dick let's talk about it Joey
and Joey like starts jerking off in the studio
the whole thing yeah you don't want those guys
getting a hold of anything right now maybe down the line when they're established and
fully good but right now they're like they they can see that they are like within striking distance
of like the biggest weirdest gayest podcast and they would use that shit however they wanted
yeah that would that would be like that would be the birth of a segment. We rate our coworkers. Exactly that. Um,
the,
uh,
fuck.
So in that case,
you know,
definitely not someone Italian.
Um,
they're all fucking perverts.
Um,
the, uh, I don't know. they're all fucking perverts.
The, I don't know.
I mean,
PFT would be a good one.
PFT is another person who I've,
I've hung out with a lot.
You know who I would have on top of Bob?
And not only just cause he's my teammate,
just cause I think it would be like,
chill is Rudy.
He'd be like,
it's a,
it's whatever,
man.
It's all good.
We all do it
rude boys are definite yeah rude boys are definite um dan dan's a good one because dan's dan keeps
everything very private yeah private guy so yeah if you're gonna have a privacy slip up yeah it
would be a good person a private person would be a good person to have that yeah i think the best uh
the best laugh i would want to have with it is is frankie i would love
to see frankie's reaction to uh slip up nude and just frankie frankie will last on my will yeah
yeah who i'd want to see for sure but for the fun factor of it all just him being like dude
what the fuck you had your hand and your balls it was crazy it was crazy. It was crazy, man. Okay. Frankie, because he's an Italian, he's a pervert.
Frankie's a heterosexual Italian pervert, and he'd jerk off to my nudes just to make a point.
Yeah, we know that he goes deep into the catalog for Pornhub.
He just says, I need something new to shake it up, man.
All right.
Top five tournaments today. John, this was your idea. I know I had first pick last man. All right. Top five tournaments today.
John, this was your idea.
I know I had first pick last time.
You go.
First pick.
Boy.
I mean, I'm going to take – I'm going to give you the number one
because I'm taking NHL playoffs.
I do think the NHL playoffs are better.
Maybe just because I like the sport more.
But I watch more of the NHL playoffs than I do of the NCAA tournament.
I know it is – the first two days are impossible.
By the way, really fucking genius of us.
Opening weekend, March Madness, live show time.
Yeah, that was an interesting thought in hindsight.
That's how you know that we've fallen off on watching the tournament.
You know what I mean?
Back in the day, I would have been like, no plans at all for the third week of March ever.
But we're like, I got nothing going.
I didn't think about it until yesterday.
I think I realized it.
I was like, oh, shit.
And that's why, though, shout out to Boston.
Anyway, get your fucking tickets.
I know.
Yeah, that's why it's still amazing that we sold out that first show as quick as we did.
Tickets still available for that second show.
We would love a late push if you want to come.
And if you're in the first show and you enjoy yourself, you want to stick around,
just cop a ticket and come sit with us for another hour that night,
and we'll put on another show for you.
So two shows Friday night at the Wilbur in Boston.
You can get your tickets available on the KFC Radio social media.
You'll see the link.
But, yeah, that was an interesting choice by us.
For the NHL playoffs, one of my favorite tweets,
and I think one of the more accurate tweets in the history of Twitter, is why do cocaine and drive a motorcycle out of a helicopter when you could just watch the NHL play?
It's something along those lines.
They're fucking insane.
They're insane.
It is the best tournament there is i i feel like every
every nhl tournament uh it's funny to call it a tournament because it's like we call the march
madness tournament a tournament but we don't call the rest of the playoffs tournament but they are
they're all basically brackets it's it's because the bracket itself is not like featured as much
as in college basketball but they're all brackets and tournaments. But they're always,
once a year, lock it in,
there's like a three or four
overtime game, which is just crazy
that you can always bank on
like a six-hour game.
It's
just wild. The fact that
that's just a regular thing
is pretty nuts.
I will, in fact, then take the march madness bracket
it's uh now i you know i would have said you know 10 years ago that this is like the number one pick
always and forever but i will admit there's like a chink in the armor when it comes to college
basketball that i never realized never thought about until I got older. And that's like, if you, if you don't have an album honor and you don't gamble, you really
will, it will fade.
It's, it's just something that like year after year, I always say, man, I don't know anything
about this year.
And this year is the worst.
And every year prior, every year after it gets worse and worse and worse.
I don't even know like the stars. i don't even know the one seeds i don't know anything this year and it does you
know that does of course some of its luster wears off but when you are young and still into it and
into sports and boozing and love bars there's just simply nothing better than the first
week of the ncaa tournament the the first rounds like taking off from work or playing hooky
eating whatever you want drinking whatever you want the the the the saloon parties we used to
go to the upsets that you see it's's just, you know, it's madness.
There's a reason why, like, the whole fucking, like,
industry is geared around it.
It's because there's just nothing quite like it.
So that's a steal at number two.
I'll tell you that much.
My number two is Race Wars.
Race Wars?
What kind of tournament is that?
It's a car racing tournament in the film The Fast and the Furious.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
Okay.
Okay.
That's that.
I thought that was I don't know where that was going.
I thought it was going to be like, you know, the one seed whites versus the 16 seed.
I don't know where we're going with that.
No, unfortunately, very nice of you to give us a one seed i don't know where we're going with that no unfortunately very nice you to give us a one
seed there um the uh it is unfortunately it is what leads to um jesse's untimely demise uh very
sad scene but um it looked it just looks like a real real lot of fun well i'm happy you went to
the uh theatrical because i went to movies for my second pick
as well. The greatest tournament
in the history of movies is
the Karate Kid tournament with Daniel
LaRusso. That
tournament is awesome.
The way they play that out where he runs through
all the Cobra Kai guys and he beats up
the little underlings and then in the championship
match unleashes the fucking crane
kick. That is the best tournament to ever be featured in a fictional the little underlings and then the championship match unleashes the fucking crane kick that is
uh that's the best tournament to ever be featured in a fictional uh piece of work so
daniel russo miyagi the like california karate youth championship bracket
uh i'm staying in movies here and i'm going now with the tri wizard tournament
uh harry potter harry potter okay it is cedric diggory it is it is it is it's from harry potter
and the goblet of fire i believe and it is yeah i'm gonna say it's definitely my favorite harry
potter movie i i just don't like Harry Potter
I know that I know that that'll hit for a lot of people um but that to me it means nothing um
I'll stick in movies too then I'm gonna go with uh whatever the tournament challenge was
in the movie yeah this is funny that you picked Wizards because I'm going to go with the movie
The Wizard it was with Fred Savage
and he was playing Nintendo
and they had the power glove
and there was like a big tournament in California
where they had to go
and he had to like
win beat that guy
Lucas I think his name was
that was a great movie
man that movie probably sucks but I loved it at the time I loved his name was. That was a great movie, man. That movie probably sucks, but I loved it at the time.
I loved it.
It was great.
Okay, I'll go back to real world.
I'll take the MLB playoffs.
MLB playoffs, greatly underrated in my mind.
Also about to change.
I don't know what they ended up deciding.
Do you?
I do not know the answer i think they are
very no uh uh postseason yeah don't worry about it's fine the first day of mlb playoffs i think
should have the the fanfare of like the first day of the tournament.
When they do those four games, it's like 1 p.m., 4 p.m., 8 p.m.,
and then the West Coast game.
Awesome.
Awesome.
And you got to really be a baseball fan to love it, but it's great.
See, I don't think so.
I think that the pressure that is on display in a playoff baseball game
is beyond palpable.
Even if you're not a fan of the teams,
you can watch a playoff baseball game and feel the tension and the nerves.
You can almost feel in your heart how hard the pitcher is gripping the ball.
It's fucking – there is something very, very, very different.
And that's actually why I, ordinarily a traditionalist came to really
love those those uh one game play-ins because right away you get game seven fever you know
what i mean because like because as much as it's cool to open up with like the that four game slate
it's game one you lose game one you know in a five game series it's it's not great but you're
still okay right away to have game sevens on the line oh the you know in a five game series it's it's not great but you're still okay right away to have
game sevens on the line oh the you know the excitement is through the fucking roof i i think
if more more so than any other sport i think that um like clutch gene is is more clear in baseball
like there there's like dude i remember, I forget what game it was.
It was a Sox-Yankees game.
I remember we were watching it at the old office, and it was 2018,
and like the Sox, it was a close game.
It was like maybe 7-5 game or something like that.
It was when Kimbrell was going through that phase where Craig Kimbrell
just could not get a save without making it very complicated.
And I don't remember if it was the clinching series of the game or what,
but he just could not stop bouncing the ball.
It's like he can, 100 times out of 100,
he can throw a fucking perfect strike whenever he wants to,
but he could not stop bouncing the ball.
And there's no way out of that.
There's no clock to save you.
There's no nothing.
You are just fucked.
Yeah, it's fucking.
I'm going to get goosebumps thinking about it right now.
Baseball is a different fucking game.
And the choices in the bullpen are not as good.
They're just as bad as you.
So you're just out there on your own floundering,
and there's no fucking where to go.
I am going to go with... I'm going to go with one of my own fucking tournaments.
When I used to do a yearly March Madness thing.
When I did the...
I want to say the tournament of best
side characters I think
was my favorite one. I've done
villains. I've done funniest
TV show. I've done
and then I think the other one
the other major one. Oh no no no. I changed my mind.
For my content
for sure not
the tournament of smoke shows
the cartoon smoke show tournament
was my greatest work ever as a blogger i cannot even begin to describe to you the effort and time
i put into that thing i first off drafted a 64 seed tournament of cartoon female cartoon
characters actually not just female i think i snuck some some dudes in there it ranged from like Disney princesses down to like cartoon uh fucking advertisement like logos and mascots
and shit and I was still working at Deloitte and I wrote out the brackets and then I had each one
zoomed in and I would sit there and I would advance the winners. And I would make photocopies and scan them into the computer, mail them back to my desk computer, and update my website.
So I would be standing there at work at Deloitte with a stack of papers that was nothing more than my thoughts on hot cartoons and where they were advancing in my fake tournament while people had real work to do.
There would be a line at the printer.
And I'd be like, yeah, yeah, hang on.
I got some papers here, and I'm just fucking Photoshopping and scanning,
and they've got like a stack of fucking collateralized debt obligations,
and I'm sitting here like I got a final four of Jasmine, Ariel,
and Jessica Rabbit, and fucking Lola Rabbit.
Let's go.
So that to me, greatest bracket ever assembled.
That is a very, very good answer.
Fifth one.
Fifth one.
Field day.
Is that a tournament?
I don't think it is.
I mean, the definition of a tournament, what is that?
You have to, like, advance on and, like, play multiple rounds, right?
Yeah, no.
This is not a tournament.
Field Day is not a tournament.
You didn't even try to put up a fight.
I fucking don't know.
This is my category, so let's pause for a second.
Okay, I'm just going to go.
I'm going Champions League.
I don't.
It is not a borderline tournament.
It is a tournament, but the fact that it has a league gives me a little pause.
Well, it's like a regular season tournament,
but it's actually like a postseason tournament, right?
Because that's all they have yeah yeah it's it's basically the playoffs
of soccer right i kind of like that they just go they're just like like when everyone says like
i i've definitely done the argument before you how could you like a sport that doesn't even have
a playoffs it's like it's just all playoffs like they you know what i mean they shouldn't say
it is a regular season we just go right into the postseason, bitches.
It does make the most – it is without a question the fairest way to decide the best team.
Right.
Every team plays every team once at home, once away.
Most wins at the end.
They're the winner.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know why we have so many problems over here with so many sports, especially college football.
I mean I'm sure some people would have that on their pick.
I'm not taking it.
You didn't take it.
We have so many messes where we make it all complicated.
It's like just everybody play each other.
Whoever wins the most.
I don't think four teams you can even count as a tournament. It is.
But only because you know it's inevitable that it's going to go to 6 or 8 or 12 or 16 with buys and shit.
It's going to happen.
You're going to have a tournament.
There's too much money to make.
But the craziest thing about the Champions League, and this makes it cooler because it gives the final game a Super Bowl feel.
But what's very odd is that all of the games are played.
Every round is one game at home, one game away. all of the games are played, every round
is one game
at home, one game away.
Each team plays at home.
The goals are on aggregate.
Whoever wins both games
kind of combined moves on.
Except the final.
The final is one game.
That's stupid.
I guess it's just like
we've determined the best. now you guys just go at
it we don't need but yeah it's like if everything else it definitely makes it better it's like well
but i guess because you would need to do like a three game right you can't do one in one because
then there'd be a split so no because it wouldn't be because the way they do like the aggregate and
like there were weighted goals it's it's that i don like. I don't like that shit. But all right, whatever.
My final pick, Jeopardy Tournament of Champions.
You're crowning the smartest guy or girl in the fucking world.
And in recent years has created legitimate celebrities.
Not legitimate celebrities, but small-time internet celebrities
where it's like you've got the Ken Jennings or the James Holzhours
or even when I was beefing with Arthur Chu or some of these people
where it's like you're going to have your moment in the sun
because of fucking Jeopardy.
So TOC is like that is the cream of the fucking crop.
You know you're getting the best of the best.
All right, tweet at us.
What did we forget?
What tournaments, brackets, challenges did we miss?
Oh, as I say challenge, I feel like maybe honorary answer is
did Nickelodeon Guts have a tournament?
Was that like a bracket?
There's probably some like kids game show type shit that we grew up on that's more of a tournament
than we realized but whatever uh let us know best tournaments uh what did we miss let's get into
voicemails today they're brought to you by threechie threechie uh is i i unfortunately
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If you've got to call out the fact that this doesn't have THC, why?
Why?
I was getting tricked by it. It's like, does not contain.
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use responsibly that's three chi.com promo code kfc radio um all right we'll get to our voicemails
but first john, story time?
I just had a quick thing.
When I was telling that story,
I just remembered something that happened to me Friday night.
Friday night I was at a friend's surprise party in Newport at the Cook House, if anyone's familiar.
And I was in the bathroom, a very small bathroom up where the party was.
It was a private event,
so it was in a different area than the restaurant.
And there were
two people in the bathroom
just
both talking about
their dog's anxiety.
And I was like, if there was
a man in here, he would burn the
place to the ground. It was...
I could not believe it. And it went
on. I ended up becoming friendly with one of the guys it was i could not believe it and it went on i ended up becoming
friendly with one of the guys who was talking about it it came up multiple times during the
weekend it wasn't just it was like it was like he's like hey here's the thing i'd like to talk
about several times over the next 72 hours uh my dog's anxiety and then i started hanging out with
other friends they were talking about their dog's anxiety. It was, it was all dude.
It will honestly do.
If you did a speech bubble for things I talked about this weekend,
maybe the number one thing would be not,
not talk dogs.
I participated in none of the conversations listened to,
but at least the things I heard,
things that,
things that went into my brain,
significant amount of promazepam.
Is that a pill?
Sounds like it. It's something along those lines is a pill they have to give their dogs
because of their dog's anxiety. Bro, here's the thing.
I am a
mental health advocate to an extent.
I think we're all getting a little bit... I think
I'm opposite. I think I'm
rallying against it now. Like Naomi Osaka.
Naomi Osaka,
fucking quit, girl.
Fucking quit.
You don't like your job.
And that's okay.
Your job sucks.
One of the hazards of it is that people are fucking torturing you mentally.
Quit.
Just fucking quit.
I'm done with it.
But.
Or take some doggy proazepam or whatever.
I don't.
It is.
I'm fucking done.
But yeah, it was great.
You know what you're allowed to say in my mind?
If you have a dog and it is 4th of July,
you can say that my dog is afraid of fireworks.
Something like that. My dog gets
scared.
Your dog doesn't have anxiety!
He doesn't.
He has things that he likes and things that he doesn't
like. He has things that scare him
and things that, you know,
it's not anxiety. Your dog doesn't wake
up in the morning being like, oh boy,
I can't get out of bed because I feel the weight of my schedule or whatever.
Shut up.
Idiots.
It was nuts.
It was nuts.
All right.
What's up?
What's up, KFC?
What's up, fights?
What's up, Jackie, Mikey, everyone over there?
I love you guys.
I've been listening to you guys for like three years.
I love you guys i've been listening to you guys for like three years like i love you guys
uh recent list the most recent i don't think it was am i in a hassle but like it was just like
all my boys were just coming at me kind of dicking on me and shit and i kind of like just thought
about this whole thing while i was high as shit like and i just have i just want your input on it
so i was high as balls the other day, right?
And I came up with this thing called boner bucks.
Boner bucks, right?
So say you are working in a minimum wage job where you're making $7.50 an hour, right?
So that means you're making $7.50 boner bucks an hour.
They're interchangeable as money. They're interchangeable as money.
They're interchangeable as whatever.
So say you're a very successful person.
You're making $150,000 a year.
$150,000 a year as well as $150,000 boner bucks a year.
It's the same thing.
They're interchangeable.
So say that a poor person, they don't have as many times to reproduce because like
it's like i'm only making so much amount of money so it's like i only have this many opportunities
to reproduce you know what i'm saying like you feel me well i say if it was fights like i only
got like i only got like i only got, four or five chances to reproduce per year.
Like, that's all I, that's all I'm rocking with.
And I'm sorry, that's no offense to fights.
It's just my computer just got shut on me.
That's why that happened right there.
But I'm just saying, like, that's all I got there.
I'm just saying it's population control.
It's getting rid of the middle class.
It's getting all, like, I'm the best politician out there. and they haven't even seen me yet you know what i'm saying it's just like
god damn and also please check your dms i've sent you guys so many blogs and i this doesn't even
i don't even know what boner bucks are like you're gonna have to break this down i don't think i can john it's like you
make money you and for every dollar you earn as a as a in your career you also make boner bucks
but he didn't explain like what boner bucks are or how much it costs to like because he was like
it controls the population you only have a certain amount of chances to reproduce based on how much boner bucks you make but it's like how much does it cost to like fuck
somebody or how much does it cost to impregnate somebody how many boner bucks do i have and how
many boner bucks can i spend if you're talking about trying to monetize pussy that's kind of
been done in a way um it's called prostitution but if we're talking about like impregnating people and
and like like do girls make pussy bucks
i mean theoretically you'd have to believe everybody make boner bucks or just do we have
pussy bucks and boner bucks and what's the conversion rate from pussy bucks to boner bucks
and and you know i i i i'm I'm willing to hear you out, dog.
We have very dumb conversations here.
Boner bucks is not the craziest idea we've ever heard of,
but I just need to hear the idea.
I don't know what it is.
What would boner bucks be for you?
For me, it would be you have to pay to get an erection.
Right, okay.
And that sounds like what it was trying to be,
but he definitely didn't explain it like that.
Okay, now would you say it would be fair?
Because think about it.
As you get older, you make more money,
but then it's also harder for you to get an erection,
like your libido and sex drive and stuff.
Would you say whatever you make per hour,
like one hour of pay is what it costs to get a boner?
Would you be willing to do that?
Because I think that would be fair.
Like when you're a kid and you're making like you're working at like the snack bar and you're like, oh, my God, I'm making $10 an hour.
I don't know what the kids are making now.
But I remember being like, holy shit, $10 an hour.
And if someone told me, okay, yeah, but it costs you $10 to get a boner,
I'd be like, cool, I'll pay that, but I won't pay
unlimited, but right now
I want to get my dick hard. I'll give you a 10 spot.
Yeah.
I think that actually is a very good way to put it.
A very good way to
keep it balanced and fair.
Obviously, we don't get paid by the hour anymore,
but if you were to break down and we
figured out what an hourly amount was, it's obviously way more than $10.
But as you get older, your boners become more precious.
Your sex becomes – but then I guess it flips because it's like once you're married, it's like how much would I pay for a boner?
What, to use on her?
Nothing.
You know what I mean?
But a boner for myself if I had to pay some money? If it was like, yo, I have a lazy Saturday afternoon to myself
and I got to pay to get this thing up so I can pound off,
I'd probably drop it.
I'll break the bank.
Back up the Brink's truck, baby.
That's like an unlimited blank check situation.
So maybe this dude can figure out
exactly how the boner bucks market works but i'm definitely into the idea of like
paying because then it's like i don't know maybe you could pay top dollar too
to get a better boner what if there was a good one to say yeah because you definitely have tears
of the bone right but also like that's almost unnecessary because who's buying a fucking – who's buying a mid-boner?
No, but there could be a minimum to it.
Can you pay, like, half if you just want to get the job done?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like, only – if I just want a halfsy, here you go.
It's like, you know, fill up the tank.
No, no, no.
Just put, like, 10 irregular in it.
We're fine.
But, man, a premium boner these days when you
come by one that's like this is good you can hang a wet towel on it that those are worth that's worth
like double the money triple the money that's that's a those are not happening very often also
like how how are we finding out our our hourly salary like our Is our hourly salary do we only, according to our
40 hours in this theory,
but do we
only work while we're recording? Do we only
work six hours a week? Oh man, then our hourly
is through the fucking roof.
Then I don't think I'll ever get
boners anymore. No, because I ain't paying
that.
No, that would have to be
you get like dozens and dozens of bon no that that would have to be you know you get you get like dozens and dozens of boners
for that that sort of payment that's what i mean this guy's gonna break down like how much or or
is it like minutes per boner maybe it's not how hard or big you are but it's like i want this
boner to last five minutes oh i see that's a good point what every transaction i guess it it lasts until it
ejaculates would probably be how long right by the way ejaculate and jackie there's a joke there
we got to figure out i don't know that just struck me as you said that oh you don't have we could we
could well that's stew yeah stew stew though i guess and also it could be like for girls it's
almost like they would pay for the boner they want too.
They could pay for how big and hard and long they want it.
That's like chipping in going halfsies on you.
Yeah.
Like you do for abortions, like a gentleman.
Next up.
That was great.
All right.
So I'm going to bring back a question that's got to be like four or five years old.
So you guys may remember the girl who asked her boyfriend's parents about living in a light bulb,
how dumb that was, and how her boyfriend was pissed about it.
Well, the first time my now wife met my family she got drunk enough to try to prove to them all that she could touch her
elbows or face i don't even know really how it ended up to the ground
without bending her knees and just absolutely took a header into the ground and cut her face
wide open in front of everybody so what what – I'll bring the question back.
What is the dumbest thing your significant other has said or done in front of your family?
Parents? Oh, man.
I just don't get people –
That's a great question. I just don't get people when you're meeting the parents for the first time
or going to a big family event or something.
Just be normal.
Just keep it normal.
Now's not the time to get drunk.
Now's not the time to show that you can touch your face to the ground
or whatever the fuck it was.
Now's not the time to even really say a lot.
Just ask a couple questions, listen, get out of there with your fucking,
live to fight another day, and you're good.
It's just wild to me.
Yeah, I don't have an answer here.
I've been lucky in my significant others.
I have not a stupid moment.
I brought a girl home for the first time in college during the summertime
we walk into my house
the subway series is on
and I want to say
Hideki Matsui
hit like a bases clearing
double and
the girl I brought home being a Yankee fan
started cheering
and my mom legitimately was like
it's like nice to meet you guys like
okay go to dinner now and like kicked us out of the house like she wasn't like get the fuck out
but it was like we had already explained exchanged pleasantries and like i told her my reservation
was soon and she was like okay time to go get out now i was like and then we walked out and she did
not like she was just kind of like, that
went well.
And I was like, you don't understand what you just did.
And she was like, why?
I was like, you just like, I didn't want to be like, you just botched that.
But I was like, that will be talked about like forever now.
Like you ruined it.
You had one shot.
You had one shot.
You fucked it up.
Crazy.
So that's not like stupid.
I don't think I've ever had anything where i did
something either i think i'm yeah i'm a pretty fucking normal person yeah it is just dude when
i the first like one of the first dates i went on with caitlin uh she was like my parents are
actually like in town in the city uh like do you want to like just like
go with them and it was like so it was weird to be like uh you know i'm just going out with this
girl for the first time and basically meeting her parents and i know that's like bizarre based on
like social norms or whatever but people were like how did you handle that and i was like
like a fucking adult like i sat down and had a burger and talked to these two people.
It was like, nice to meet you.
What the fuck?
It's not that crazy to handle in the moment.
But I get it.
But it was like, I don't know, man.
It's not that hard for me to just be normal in front of some people you meet for the first time.
I was recently watching Seinfeld.
And there's an episode where, um,
basically the guy takes a dive on a bet.
So you can,
so we can take Elaine to dinner and, and she's like,
this is a date.
He's like,
it's not a date.
What are you talking about?
Like we're just two people having dinner.
Right.
And then like,
he,
he loses another bet,
I think,
or no,
I think he just invites her to dinner Saturday night and brings his
parents.
And she's like,
this is a date.
Like,
what are you talking about?
I agree with
her but i also could definitely see myself being the person where i'm like oh yeah my parents i
brought my parents right well that's because you like your parents and they're they're normal and
shit if you have the type of parents who are like waiting for you to get married and like get all
up in your business and you bring them along then that's a bad idea but if it's just like yeah my
parents are like the type to hang out and uh you know i always think that in movies where like it's like like oh this is
the first girl he's ever brought home i bring every girl home yeah it's fun right right i know
i know if you're cool at all it's on you if you think it's anything more than fucking just hanging
out and like meeting my friends and hanging out with cool people right i'm not gonna keep you in
a closet until i decide that you're like worthy of me i don't know i'll be i'll take you to be my parents
first fucking weekend it's also like you put too much into it that's on you it's also like the
i'll tell you what like the the least like sexual pressure pack whatever is like bringing my parents
along you know what i mean it's like if it was a real date and I was like trying to get it in and stuff,
trust me, we'd be alone.
I'm not bringing my parents along for that fucking thing.
You know what I mean?
Dude, by the way, speaking of movies,
speaking of movies, I watched Worth like three times last weekend.
You got to stop watching that movie.
Do you guys know that movie?
Worth. to stop watching that movie do you guys know that movie worth it's about it's michael keaton trying
to figure out as like a as like a lawyer and like arbitration guy trying to figure out how much money
the victims of 9-11 the families of 9-11 get for from the law from the airlines and it's like
about you know do you get to know the victims or not do you just treat them as a number
and just put them in the mathematical equation and turn out the number and that's it?
John has watched it like three times in the last week for no fucking reason.
It's the most depressing movie ever.
It's unbelievable.
What's wrong with you?
I can't recommend it.
I'm sure it's great, but fuck.
It's like Schindler's List and shit, man.
I'm on a big i think we're in we're living through a michael keaton renaissance and i'm on a big kick i'm along for the ride
between that and dope sick it is keaton's killing it yeah i guess so jesus christ almighty
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Fights, KFC, Nick, Jackie, long-time listener, been on the show a couple times with the video voicemails as well.
I was watching Transformers today with a couple of roommates,
and we were kind of picturing putting other characters in the Transformers universe.
The example we used was like Charlie, Kelly, and Frank from It's Always Sunny, putting them into the Transformers universe. The example we used was Charlie, Kelly, and Frank
from It's Always Sunny,
putting them into the Transformers universe.
So my question to you guys is,
if you could put any cast of characters into any movie,
what would it be and why?
Thanks. Viva.
Are you done with whatever you're doing down there?
Because I'm almost coming.
Oh, you're petting a dog. I was jerking off.
Okay.
Looked like you were jerking off.
Thought you were shaking
a water bottle or something.
It really looked like that Daffy Duck meme.
What's that one?
The Daffy Duck jerking off an hog.
I don't even know the question. I was too busy simulating jerking off.
I knew what it looked like.
I was leading you to it a bit. What know the question. I was too busy simulating kicking off. I knew what it looked like. I was leading you through it a bit.
What's the question?
Can you repeat the question?
My arm's tired. If you take any cast, any characters, and put them into a new universe, what movie would it be?
Okay.
Which is kind of where we're at.
I love that as a society,
we are now,
and I think it's a testament to the movie makers,
and show runners and stuff,
like Michael Waldron is the guy who writes Loki,
and now he's doing,
I think it's Doctor Strange,
and the Multiverse of Madness,
and he's like 34 years old,
35 years old.
So he's young in our generation,
like grew up with all the same things we like know,
know and love.
And they're just willing to be like,
you know what?
We're going to put all the Spider-Man in the same movie.
Fuck it.
We're going to do something cool like that.
And like,
it probably breaks the unwritten rules of Hollywood and stuff,
but it's just like,
yeah,
man,
we're going gonna mix the X
men and put them in here and we're gonna do
you're gonna get to see you know
like I guess it started
back when people when they did like Jason
versus Freddy and alien versus
predator where it was like we're gonna take all your
fun like hypothetical arguments and
make them into fucking real life movies
that's awesome I love that we're at like a spot
where that shit flies
I would like to do Make him into fucking real life movies. That's awesome. I love that we're at a spot where that shit flies.
I would like to do...
I think there could be a good Always Sunny Workaholics crossover.
Oh, yeah.
I think that could be cool.
That's very good. That's a very good answer.
If like...
What do they do in Workaholics?
What's like their job?
I don't know. I they do in Workaholics? What's their job? I don't know.
I don't know Workaholics.
You know those episodes where Sonny is with the lawyer for a full episode
or the girl who decides who gets the lottery tickets?
If they did that with the guys from Workaholics
and then there was an episode from the Sonny point of view
and an episode from the Workaholics point of view.
I think that could be
a great crossover.
That's like some Jetsons,
Flintstones type shit.
That would be fucking sick.
That's a very good answer.
They've done this.
I was thinking New Girl,
but New Girl did it.
New Girl did it with Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Yeah, that's right.
Where they live in the same universe.
Fuck, this is so hard, dude.
Who would you want in Fast and the Furious?
So hard.
You could mix them.
Olympus has fallen with Fast and the Furious.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Imagine like shit's going down and Gerard Butler's got to get out of there
and Dom pulls up in a car.
He's like, get in.
That's such a good fucking answer, Kevin.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
If you combine the Fallen franchise with the Fast franchise.
What would it be called?
Like the Furious have fallen or something like that?
It's got to do something with the Fs of Fallen.
Fallen Fast.
That's exactly what it would be called.
And it would not have to make any sense.
Fallen fast in theaters.
Fallen fast, man.
That's fucking great.
That's an unbelievable answer.
Because it is such outrageous action.
Combining those two is just nonsense.
It's total fucking nonsense.
But it's fun nonsense. it's a good time i'd also like to just combine like
adriana chechik with uh
with like your favorite movie or whatever i don't know
just imagine like your favorite movie but like the main character. Sometimes she's doing naked bowling, doing naked lube bowling in her apartment.
That's just happening now.
That's Adriana the Queen.
It's a rom-com.
She comes home from a tough day falling for her boss and just does double anal.
Exactly.
That's just how she unwinds.
Yeah.
I'm just doing single anal tonight he really likes me
uh all right tweet at us and post what do you want to see if you could cross over any
uh any different any crews and actors and actresses from different shows and movies
uh make a hybrid let us know let's get into our interview with jake johnson
uh he's a guy i'd like to see in all sorts of different roles and different
franchises.
He's a keeper. Just like
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I don't think I would say that.
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It's Jake Johnson on KFC Radio.
Let's talk to him.
Yo, dude.
What's up, dude?
What's cooking?
Oh, you got that full beard now.
I saw you.
You were just rocking the stash.
A full beard is going a little over the top with what it really is.
It's full comparatively, like relatively speaking.
It's full for you.
That's all we're doing.
It is a thin beard.
It is the beard of a man who needs – he's in the early stages of alopecia,
and Rogaine would be – he's in denial of it.
It's that the hair on the front of your chin is light,
so it looks like you just have nothing there except for the full.
Yeah, it's a fucking mess.
So under your bottom lip, is there hair there that we're just not seeing?
Not really.
No, mostly no.
No, but there's a little soul patch.
It's a teeny little bit.
It's not good.
I got a couple gaps right here.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're bare.
I'll tell you something that's embarrassing about my career is when you go through a new job and the new hair and makeup people get a look at you.
And they try to paint mascara on the beard.
No, no, no.
Leave it be.
Leave it be.
And they say, no, no, no, but there's a gap. And I go, I understand. No, no, no. Leave it be. And they say, no, no, no, but there's a gap.
And I go, I understand.
No, no, no.
At some point, you've got to know when to wave the white flag.
Same thing with the guys who do a comb over with the hair,
trying to put your last five or six strands of hair over the bald spot.
You've just got to know when to call it.
Now, as someone with ugly hair now, I get it.
I get it.
You get a certain – there's an air of confidence to it that it doesn't make sense.
Because I know, I know in my heart of hearts, I know what I look like.
Okay?
But for some reason, I'm like, I don't know, man.
I like being a beard guy.
It's like I don't have a good beard, but I like being a beard guy.
And I think that's what someone with hair is like.
But when you have the ring around, when you have the Costanza hair, right?
Yeah.
And you try to take, like, literally individual hairs and put them across your bald head,
that's like, you got to have, like, a mental disease.
Yeah, but I have that mental disease yeah
so we got a bet going actually uh a what is it uh what are we calling it like a blade bet blade
the blade bet neither of us because once you know once you hit like let's call it 30 maybe
late 20s and you learn the value of scruff and how it hides your fat face uh you know i haven't had
neither of us have clean shaven with a razor
in, for me, like a decade.
So I don't even really remember the terms,
but one of us is going to end up having,
you know, to bick the face,
and that's going to be a little bit weak for us.
Well, I'll tell you, you know,
getting a clean shave,
and not only do you see the fatness of your face,
you see the weakness of your jawline,
and you see the size of your jawline and you see the size
of your nose wait what that's a big one for you what do you mean dude his demeanor just
i'm gonna i'm gonna show you something i don't think you've seen me on screen without a beard
and i'm gonna tell you why once you once you shave it you know you look at you look at a man's face, you see the scruff,
and then eventually you find other things.
Without it, front and center is that big nose,
and if you don't have a cute little butt nose,
you're in a little bit of trouble here.
If you lose this bet, you're fucked.
I'm so fucked, dude.
But when you were younger, when you were a young pup,
I guess you were skinnier, so it didn't matter.
I was skinnier, but it was, you know what?
I thought maybe I had grown into my nose or something like that because it has not come up in conversation as often as it used to.
And I think it must be the facial hair.
Because when I was, you know, from ages, we'll call it 6 to 21, it was the first thing anyone mentioned to me.
Same.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, gross nose.
I got this from the older generation.
Whoa, you got a nose eye.
Dude, mine was Caesar's nose.
Yeah, Roman nose.
Dude, people, I worked on a boat one summer, and these drunk women were just going to be like,
oh, you've got a Roman nose and I was like what I get a habit not regularly but more regularly than it has since then and I finally googled it and it was like
it's a larger to form nose like who learns this is a great spin zone yeah
rather than just calling a beak that honker on your face
when was the last time you were clean shaven
during the pandemic when i was uh my kids we were you know i got they're not eight and a half but
at the time they were maybe six and a half seven they were very bored and so as one of the activities i shaved my head and my uh face
i knew i wasn't acting i wasn't working and so i knew i had an opportunity so i went all the way
there and i'll tell you my daughters were really excited about the game of it it was really fun
we were out in the yard as soon as they saw me without hair and without a beard, my daughter honestly said, Daddy, you look terrible.
And there was no, nobody backed me up.
Even my wife was like, no, no, no, it's better with hair.
And I'm like, yeah, it's better when you cover it.
When it's hidden from your sight.
Is there even any pictures of that out there?
Did you hide that?
Yeah, I mean, not out there, but on my phone, yeah.
But like publicly, there was nobody who saw you head shaved, clean shaven?
Nope.
Okay, so send that over.
We'll put that out with this episode.
I don't think I would recognize him.
If he had his head shaved.
Head shaved, I don't think so either.
That's a radical change.
And then also, I think you're handsome now.
Apparently, I'd be like, oh, he's ugly. I was ugly think so. That's a radical change. And then also, I think you're handsome now. Apparently, I'd be like, oh, he's ugly.
I was ugly.
Yeah.
I mean, there's just no denying it.
When you said earlier, you know what you look like.
I do have mirrors in my home, and I'm also a judgmental person.
That doesn't mean I don't judge myself.
I see myself, and I'm like, that's an ugly guy.
Don't you think, though, that there's some i agree and
self-awareness is key but i i also uh will look back at pictures like the you kind of did the
opposite with pandemic i feel like we let we let our hair and everything grow during pandemic and
at one point i had the longest hair i've ever had and it was i was kind of like oh this is uh
this is a new thing i'm doing you know and? And at the time, I thought it was okay.
And then I looked at pictures afterwards, and I was like,
holy shit, what was I thinking?
So then I get nervous that I'm like, well, right now I think I look okay.
And maybe in five years, I think this is going to look terrible.
Maybe I'm just always looking terrible, and I don't know it.
You're a man who leads out with confidence in the moment.
I respect that.
I guess.
I think the move is to go no confidence in the moment that's that's what i'm having that's called depression
you and i play a similar game
a pleasure to meet you sir but you have especially when you're dealing with things such as
a shaved head or a bad beard where you can you look back on that and go, I wasn't even trying.
I can fix this whenever I want.
Here's how I see it.
I have confidence in the big stuff.
I have confidence in the inner workings of this machine.
But the truth of the matter is I have great eyes and I can see things.
And last night when I got out of the shower,
I got a glimpse of my body profile.
And I got to say,
if I was watching a pornographic video and the gentleman looked like my
pear shaped body walked in,
I would go,
he's not cut out for this he is not ready for
the big leagues with that body it's the end of the day he's just not ready cut him
in training dude i i moved apartments not that recently anymore but in my new apartment now
i have i have like a glass shower and and just a beautiful morning light that comes into the bathroom.
And it's great.
You get a nice dose of vitamin D in the morning.
It's beautiful.
I feel great.
Until you turn in the shower because what that beautiful light is doing is it's putting a shadow under the wall.
Your shadow looks disgusting.
Dude, it is grotesque.
When you see your own shadow.
My shadow looks
like a medieval bad guy.
It looks like a children's story
and it's some sort of lesson about
thievery.
At one point,
I couldn't figure out
what part of me
was what part of me.
It's gross.
I was like,
what is that?
Is that my stomach?
So does that mean
that's my ass
on the other side?
I just could not figure it out.
It's a really bad moment
when you gotta go,
is that my ass
but it was so small in comparison to my stomach
you got no ass yeah your your proportions are are all off the back is just you go your shoulders
your ass your thighs your calves and your ankles all just go straight down.
It's just a back and forth.
I got to say, judging men's bodies is really funny, especially when taken very seriously.
I would love to do a full beauty contest where you have men trying their hardest.
I had a bet with one of my best buddies
and the loser of the bet and he still we haven't made him do it yet this was years ago
was you got to get head shots but like full body like a photographer takes them and you have to
try to look your sexiest and there's one there's like a bathing suit there's the head so not trying
to be funny not being ironic you can't lay on a you know a bare skin rug and pretend to be burt reynolds and you think you're funny yeah
no like trying to be sexy for the sexiest woman you've ever seen let's see how you look homie
the rest of us get to look at the paint the pictures like in our gallery and say like
you got a fat gut you got pasty legs and you're not sexy.
And you know what's worse?
What's way worse than even just, you know, your fat gut is your face trying to be sexy.
Yes.
Like you mentioned in the pornographic film, before I even get to the how gross the body is, if I'm trying to do the seducing and the seduction.
Oh, yeah.
It's not great.
But then I start to think about the times that I probably actually tried to do that.
I bring a young lady home, and I'm like, hey, you want some wine or whatever?
And I'm like, oh, that was probably horrendous.
Totally.
I was thinking about that the other day when I was watching Along Came Polly.
And there's a scene where Ben Stiller can't figure out how to get sexy.
And I remember watching scenes like that when I was younger and being like, it's not that complicated.
Just fucking do it.
Just get ready to have sex.
Yeah.
And now I have full-blown panic attacks.
Every time.
I've jumped out of windows before.
Never mind.
Fuck this. panic attacks every time i've jumped out of windows before but never mind fuck this but as
an actor don't you can't you just flip a switch sir and become sexy uh no no i've also been no
absolutely not along came polly was the movie though that i remember being like oh some comedic
actors view their bodies differently than other ones. That was the movie where Ben Spiller took off his shirt and he had like muscles on muscles.
And he was playing like a really neurotic guy in New York who like couldn't put it together.
I'm like, no, I remember being like, hold on.
You can't put it together, but you can do 5000 crunches.
You can put it together.
You're counting calories per meal buddy you got it
yeah ben doesn't method act i feel like steve carell's like that too whenever steve carell
was like in a t-shirt in the office i'd be like oh he's a brick shit house fucking right
it's really funny it's like playing like really shy nervous guys and you're like
you have actual oblique muscles what would you say is the most
uh is i mean maybe this is it with uh minx but i don't know what's the most you've ever
transformed for a role uh yeah probably minx yeah this was uh you know honestly i mostly i don't get
parts like this a lot they don't come my way and it makes them also why this but I'm
also why not this feels right up your alley well you know it's because most
I'm not a guy who goes out auditions to be honest so some actors always have
that money yeah you come to me here's the truth I auditioned for so many years uh and i was never good at it so when you
go when you audition you know i've been auditioned from basically 24 to 32 ish before new girl
happened and it was five fails a week and i would see the look of the people's faces where they would
be like oh yeah jake we love you so here's the thing midway through reads
i would watch people doing the small talk with each other where i'm like oh i'm losing the job
right now in real time am i failure right in this moment i'm losing the job and i don't know why
i i see that in another it's another like kind of like trope, I guess I see in movies.
That really happens.
That just seems like basic humanity.
Like someone is singing for their supper in front of you.
But I would imagine if you're on the other side and you do it 200 times a day or whatever,
and it's just like I can't – I don't have the time to like coddle every single
one he is yeah it becomes enough no yes no there was a show on nbc years ago called cath and cath
and kim and i think mikey day ended up getting the part but there was this like wheelhouse part
for me i got a call from the agents they're like you know it was essentially a nick miller type
part before i got on new girl and i'm like like, oh, finally, I can do this.
Wasn't too many lines, so I couldn't screw it up.
I was ready to go.
I get there and every guy in my kind of category is there.
And you know all these people.
At that age, I was performing four or five nights a week on stages.
You knew everyone.
So everybody's doing bits.
And everybody's cracking up. And when I get there,
the whole vibe is you're all in this huge waiting room. And then there's the door where you audition,
then you have to walk by and everybody kind of razzes you. Every audition was taking like 20
minutes and everybody's kind of vibe was like, you know what their workshop and everybody,
it's pretty cool. And I'm like, great, great man i'll do better if i can loosen up so not a joke i walk in and they go hey jake we're really excited to see i'm like excited
to be here i was like great i was like man i feel good i start the first scene there were three
scenes as soon as the first scene was done which i think i was in there for 45 seconds they go
thanks so much jake now mind you i've been doing so many jokes with everybody that when I walked out after
45 minutes, 45 seconds, everybody laughed like good bit.
But then I had to do the humiliating thing where I'm like, no, no, no.
They said that was it.
And they're like, nice, man.
And I was like, honestly, see you guys later.
And as I kept walking, people kept thinking I was committing to the bit.
When I got in the elevator, I'm like, this is as embarrassed as I get.
This is humiliating.
That should be in a movie or a TV show.
As the door's closing, seriously, guys.
I'm serious.
I'm not coming back after this.
This is it.
And I got texts
from buddies who were there that they were like oh man sorry about that i was like brother all good
you t9'd it too so it took you 10 minutes you're crying as you're coming out like oh god
throw the exclamation point guys honestly guys guys, I'm LOLing too.
Is the audition circuit really like that, though?
On TV, they portray it as you see the same people every time,
and it is like, hey, buddy, there you are again.
They do the cattle calls to start,
where the cattle cars are like 1,000 people,
and they're narrowing it down.
And then when you start getting close to parks,
there's kind of the same 20 to 25 people.
And all those people end up on a show at some point.
So once you start getting to the,
you're a finalist,
you know, it's like,
if it's the NFL,
it's the combine where you're like,
everybody's getting drafted out of this.
Right.
And so you get in a spot where you see like everybody's getting drafted out of this right and so you get
in a spot where you see everybody and it is the same people who were killing it on stage and it's
people who you had seen uh do something years ago right and then slowly like people disappear and
that means they like booked something and you'll be like where the hell is it's like uh like good
will hunting that you just there's no goodbye're just like, you're off doing your thing. Good for you.
Get out of here.
You're better than this.
Exactly.
That's great.
Go book a show and don't come back to this room.
The taking so long to get found, I guess you will,
or when you're saying that they kind of stop paying attention to you
and all that, like that kind of makes me think of,
I watched the new Kanye documentary recently, The Genius.
And when he's going into Rockefeller Records and he's playing All Falls Down for people and no one's paying attention to him at all.
And I think it's like the most, which later stories have leaked out that like he did that 50 times and they got, people just got annoyed by it.
And so that's why they're disinterested.
They were interested at first.
But I think like the message is trying to say, which I do believe, is that like no one knows what the fuck they're disinterested. They were interested at first. But I think the message it's trying to say,
which I do believe,
is that no one knows what the fuck they're talking about.
Even the highest casting directors
don't have a clue what they're talking about.
They don't have a clue what they're looking for,
which is why I think it's easy enough
to at least just give me attention while we're here.
Because you don't know what the fuck you're doing either.
Please just be polite,
because you're faking it all.
I agree with that.
And it's very clearly a taste thing.
So if I'm not right for you, I understand.
I would like to be able to workshop it.
But in the same sense, if you know I'm not the guy, I don't need to keep dancing.
Yeah.
And so the reason that I don't really audition these days, and I'll look if, you know, the
Paul Thomas Anderson calls and says, you want to do a dance?
I'm going to do an audition, you know?
But the truth of the matter is I feel like if somebody,
what I like to do when I get a part is there are certain actors who come in
and they're perfectly prepared and they're perfectly memorized and they know
how to just do this part and they don't want to be part of the creative
discussion.
I like to be part of it.
So if I audition for something and I work my
ass off and I get it and then I go like, I have some thoughts on Doug. Well, that's kind of an
asshole's journey. Like you fought to be here and then said you wanted to have input. So I need to
have a little bit more leverage at the beginning. And that is they say, we would like you to play
Doug. And then I say, great, here's how I see it.
Are we on the same page?
If we are, I'm happy to read the scenes
and do chemistry reads to show you what I'm thinking.
But if I'm coming in and begging for the job,
you can't beg to go to a party
and then complain about the music.
Amen, brother.
That's a good way to put it, yeah.
And that's something that comes after New Girl that that comes after new girl that comes after
success yeah like early on you can't fucking do that you got to just dance right were you just
like when you got nick you're like all right i'm in that wasn't any here no no no no no so no when
new girl first started it was you know we were i was petrified until essentially i think about
season three when we started season three,
I think I had done let's be cops over this summer with Damon.
I kind of felt like,
Oh shit.
Like,
I think I'm going to be able to work for at least five more years.
Like there's a window here.
But up until that point,
it was,
you know,
it was a panic.
It was,
you never know when something's going to end.
And if it ends,
it's over.
Yeah.
That's basically how we feel every single day. I was going to gonna say that's a nihilistic approach that is uh super depressing and
well well like you guys so i remember when we did our first one years ago and it felt
more startup and now what was fun is when i got this one through the pr i was like oh you boys
are the big get now you blew it off when when the tides turn that's exciting and you hope it keeps going and
you hope it keeps going you're like man whatever but see here's what's weird here's the difference
is that uh we don't have any talent so like if you if you're a good actor if you make good music
if you do something tangible but like if the internet just for some reason the
internet and people have decided that they want to hear our opinions but the day that they just go
we don't want to hear that anymore we're fucked that's it welcome to everyone
but it is comforting also when you get old enough to realize that everybody's faking it because you
know i i before i did this i worked a desk job for a little bit and i used to think that everybody's faking it because, you know, I, I, before I did this, I worked a
desk job for a little bit and I used to think that my manager was like the most important person in
the world. And then I realized now looking back that they were like 25, but they got a title of
like VP or some shit. And he was hung over and she was a mess and nobody knew what
he was doing but at the time i was like my manager's gonna be mad at me like i'm you know
and then when you get a little bit of perspective you realize that with the exception of maybe like
five people in every industry nobody knows nobody's right everybody's just going forward
and trying their hardest yeah yeah even that the hardest thing yeah yeah even though so going to that and going to minx
where i'm kind of at in terms of that is if everybody's faking it what i want these days
is i want everyone trying their hardest yeah and so you know i want like when i read the pilot for
minx uh i know somebody else was going to play dog and they fell off at the last minute my agent
called and said like this is a great part for you.
We like it.
And I gave it a read.
And what I thought was Ellen Rappaport, who's the writer and the showrunner.
I was like, oh, she's got a very clear vision.
And I was like, and she's gifted.
I thought the pilot was really funny.
I thought it was emotional.
And I thought if they can execute this vision, it's a great pilot.
And then when I found Rachel, our director was so great and it started to work i felt like everybody's gunning and trying
their hardest and if everybody's trying their hardest and everybody really cares you got a
fighting chance and so for me when i say parts like this don't come my way, the parts that come my way are if the description of Doug
was Doug, late 30s,
has not realized his potential.
And what I like about Doug...
Close to home!
And what I like about Doug
is Doug's
a business person. Doug is into
capitalism. And Doug wants to
win. And Doug is grimy.
And the men I grew up around, my dad and my uncles, were the Dugs of the world.
It was that old world Chicago where my Uncle Eddie came, lived with us when I was a kid for a while because he had some legal problems and created a neon sign business in my garage.
And we went up and down Clark Street and knocked on doors and he promised great signs.
And I was his worker. And we would hang and down Clark Street and knocked on doors and he promised great signs that I was his worker.
And we would hang these disgusting signs and we would have to run to his pickup truck when the people said, like, it's crooked.
It's crooked.
And, you know, while we're sitting at the restaurant eating food and he's counting his money, he would see that as a win yeah i'm like there's something
about these characters that i don't view as rats and bad guys and sketchballs you know i view them
with love i view them as like they're grinded and they're trying to make it work and those are the
type of characters i got into the business to play those were the characters i cared about
and this is the first character that came my way where i'm like oh doug ranetti's a great character he's flawed and he's he's gray
and he's a little bit fucked up but all he wants to do is win he doesn't care how he's gonna win
and so yeah i think when you grow up around some of them is the difference too if you didn't live
that and let's say you know you were you come from a wealthy difference too. If you didn't live that and let's say, you know,
you were, you come from a wealthy family or whatever, and you don't know any Doug Rennettys,
it's like, you know, you look at that with disdain almost, or like, oh, this guy is a bad guy.
But it's really complex. Like I have, like when I, you know, I was, I got a guy in my,
when I first bought my house a few years back, this guy, Randy, who just got out of jail,
who was a handyman who started working with me and he was totally a doug ronetti and once you know where they're coming
from everything is a funny negotiation where you feel like you know that the tile here man it's all
he's like it's all fucked up man it's all jacked up he's like that's 3 500 bucks and i'm like i
think it's an 800 job because i can do it for $800. And you're like, and then you get to laugh together.
And you're like, I'm not mad at you, man, but I could do the tile myself.
It would cost me $500, but I'll pay you $300 because you're better than me.
And you know what?
Somebody maybe along the line is going to agree to $3,500.
And so good for him.
And that's the game.
I have two guys in my life, in my family's life.
We have Basement Brendan, who he lived in a basement.
He lived in an apartment that was not supposed to be a livable apartment.
And there's no windows or anything.
It's Basement Brendan.
And then there's Two Teeth Tommy, who legitimately has two teeth.
And that's it.
Oh, he also rides a bike around town on City Island
because he's gotten so many DUIs he can no longer drive.
Yeah.
And he's just got his toolbox, and he comes,
and he has absolutely no training nor skills,
but is willing to whack around the hammers and the wrenches a little bit.
So we give him a few bucks.
And I love those guys.
Do they do a good job?
No.
Could I get it better?
Of course.
But I like Basement Brendan and Two Teeth Tommy, so we do it.
We had Uncle Polak, who was neither our uncle nor Polish.
And he was just old as shit, loved smoking weed and loved painting houses.
And for some reason, we painted my house as a kid more often than I remember.
More often than seems necessary for a regular house painting.
Because Uncle Polak is trying to reset the coat.
Because he kept fucking up.
No, it's the wrong color. You have to do it again.
Sorry, I was stoned.
And at a certain point, you get a responsibility
to Uncle Polak and you want to give him money.
Yeah. You can't pull a plug on this.
What's he going to do? He can't put food on his table then.
They are great people.
100%.
They're so much more interesting than great people. A hundred percent.
They're so much more interesting than the well-to-do.
Yeah.
What is – so like it's – give me a little bit of a rundown of what Minx is.
Because we are –
So Minx is a –
We're doing this earlier.
We still haven't seen a trailer for it.
Yeah, we don't know much about it at all.
So this comes out.
So I was excited so what
honestly one of the reasons i reached out to id and i said early that i wanted to talk with you
guys and then they said what i liked is they said we'll reach out and see if it's possible and i was
like oh mama mia let's see if we can work you in yeah i, I was like, all right. God bless you guys. I was like, ooh, good.
They got big.
Bump me, guys.
Bump me.
You let them know.
It's always possible.
I was going to say, and meanwhile, on our side, we were like, yes, absolutely.
But I think you'll see when the trailer comes out.
So the show takes place in 1972.
And what it's about is it's about a young woman who wants to create a feminist magazine.
And she wants to create a magazine called The Matriarch Awakens.
And she goes to an expo to get it made and nobody wants to make it.
And then she comes across my character, Doug Rennetti, and I'm a smut publisher.
So I do Milky Moms and I do Big Jugs and what have you. And I don't, and Doug Rennetti does not care about feminism in the,
in the way that we all discuss it. He cares about capitalism and he sees her as potentially making
money. So he does not partner with her because he goes, I care about the movement and we should do
this, that, and the other. He says, if we get your, if you're writing
about this women's lib and there's women out here who really care about this and we really
push towards this and in the middle of it, we show a big fat dick. And she's appalled. You know,
she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I went to Vassar. That's not me. And I go, I get it. I do smut.
You need the big tits, right?
The tits bring you, but the articles keep you.
And so it's our, it's by Bottom Dollar Productions.
It's the first male nude magazine for our production place.
You know, we do, you know, mostly women, but this is the first male.
And so it's about that magazine and that partnership.
And it's about her wanting to get her feminist agenda out and her voice clear.
And Doug wanting to make a lot of money.
And so it's art versus commerce in a really fun way.
And going back to the thing we were talking about of judging male bodies um this day and age you can't
make jokes the way you would in the 90s about like a female's body or if it was a male and a female
it's just a different world now and i think it's time for it to be a different world but i still
think it's really funny to comment on someone's body so it's really fun to do it on a guy it's to be like i got bad news that hog ain't
gonna cut it well we've said that before on two separate topics one staying in the porn world
where we've watched the porn i said you know what that guy's not my type that guy okay so it's really
funny you say that so the way that i believe the show is really being marketed is for women and for
you know it's a really smart fun it's written by a woman uh pilots directed by a woman i think men
are going to love this show when they discover it and the fear is you know there's a dick montage
right there's like while we're looking for the male model. And the thought is men will be turned off by that.
But when they tested it, men found it hilarious.
We've all watched enough porn.
We are desensitized by seeing dicks.
The truth is we have our opinions.
We might not be – as men, as straight men, it's not like I'm turned on.
But when I see a certain dick, I'm like, get away from my video you know what you know what's even weirder it's not i don't know exactly
what dicks i love i know what dicks i hate you know that's really i also know what dicks i'm
fine with there are certain dicks that i'm like you will not ruin this experience for me. Welcome to the three minutes.
I will probably, as far as the female talent goes,
I'll watch anybody under the sun.
But not a dick.
Not the wrong dick.
So what's funny about that, when I read this pilot,
it was in the throes of the pandemic. It was right before I did my indie and I had gone.
The real story is contractually I was still on Stumptown.
And so it might not have worked. And my agent just said,
we just think you're going to like it. And so I downloaded on my phone.
I got up to the cabin and there was no internet, no service.
So everything I had no TV, nothing.
So it was like a cool dream to be like alone in a wooden cabin.
And I took one hit of weed and I had an IPA.
And after 40 minutes, I was going bananas.
There was no cool thoughts.
I wasn't like whittling wood into anything.
This generation, this world is not made for that anymore.
I was like, I'm not going to go hunt anything.
I was like, how do I get Thai food delivered out here?
It was a nightmare.
And so I needed to be entertained.
So I looked and I found the script and I read it.
And honestly, the discussions in the pilot about, you know,
because if you're going to make a magazine and you need a cover boy,
you know, you need your hog in the middle of it.
So then you've got to do the same judgments that hefner would do
and we've all seen half and four guys talking about the size of a lady's tits and if her
stomach is flat enough and we're used to that and seeing those discussions about a male body
i'm like this shit was cracking me up and i'm like it's really funny to be able to say
like you know
Doug Rennetti is not the character
who would say to Joyce
you make all the picks
this is his livelihood
so who we choose matters
and his ass ain't fucking cut
it's not that I'm going to masturbate to it
I want to know if this is gonna sell
and i need something that's gonna sell and that little dick ain't gonna sell
and i was just loving i was cracking i was like man i was like this just feels so good to me and
it also what i really love about it is it's going to it's got the right messaging, and I believe in all of it.
But Doug just wants to fucking win.
And if Joyce was a man and had this idea, then he would work with her.
And I like the idea of best idea wins,
and I like that that's what Doug's about.
I like that.
Here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to come for the porn and stay for the – Capitalistic.
Stay for the objectifications, and then maybe I'll absorb some of that at the end.
But it's a great mix of everything.
We're like that's – you put something like smut on the cover of something.
It'll sell.
We've seen how it works out.
It does pretty well.
We know.
But here's what's funny
and I think
to maybe put lipstick on a pig
when you're talking about the porn world
there is something that
it's probably the most
relatable thing
in the world
we love sports but a lot of people don't like sports
and you like this but you don't like that
but everybody for the most part dabbles in the board well here's what it is everybody
so everybody loves nudity right so porn for me you know i there's just divisions there's good
bad good porn and bad porn it's not not all porn's created the same i don't need an agenda of hatred
in my pornography like i i don't need anybody to be like, well, that human being's in a death trap.
Now my dick's hard.
I would like some.
I don't know, man.
But, you know, you somebody you like torn on porn and every once in a while, like, you know, the the algorithm will pop up and I'll be like, who would think I would like this?
That scares me, though.
That recommended for you is a look in the mirror.
Yeah, they know you better than you know yourself.
Give it six months.
Honestly, press play and just see what happens.
I got to tell you, I'm happy with anything nude
that seems to be wanting pleasure.
I'm like, yes. I remember, man, growing up when a TV show would say TVMA
and you'd have the N for nudity
and you'd have the SSC for strong sexual content.
And I'm like, yes, let's go.
This episode of Real Sex is going to kill it.
All of those things growing up were like
yeah same of course
and everybody can relate
to it so it's like we do a lot of
talk about porn and sex and fun shit
and sometimes people will critique it being
like oh that's all you talk about it's like
it stands out but
yes agree but it's fun
yeah it's fun you can all talk about it
so you know let's just not
it doesn't have to be a taboo thing really.
Let's just fucking talk about it.
The funny thing about this show is that there's a lot of naked women in it as well.
So we take place in bottom dollar production.
So we're taking photographs and there's a stable of models who are just in the background of scenes a lot.
And there's not many dicks there's a lot of
discussion on the dicks but you can't show that like you know but what would happen which would
be funny is you would have so here's a here's a true and embarrassing story shooting a scene
where it was me and edera and this woman with where scenes were walking and the director wanted
to do a big walk and talk a walk and talk is when you do the entire scene in one take.
So if you screw up one line or you pause at the wrong time, you have to go over.
The director did not want to do edits and they did not want any cutting.
So you'll see a lot of times if you see two characters in one shot and it never cuts to coverage.
Well, on set, you had to nail it like it was a little play wow and what's
fun about that is then you get control and you get to create the rhythms what's scary about it is if
you screw up everybody's got to go over and slowly everybody in the crew knows you're the guy who
keeps screwing yeah i hate your guts so we're rehearsing the scene it's a big walk and talk
around the office then we walk into the studio where there's like six women who are doing a
photo shoot with their shirts off so obviously
when you rehearse everybody has shirts on so we rehearse everything's fine we're our rhythm's
perfect we've got it down the director's really excited the operators figuring out where to move
take one this is like episode four you know i'm deep in the world i've shot with like
nude men i've never screwed up i'm'm fine. Who cares? Let's rock.
First take, we're doing the scene. It's going really good. We turn the corner. I see the women
without their shirts off. And I become a 10 year old on camera where I go like, what we're talking
about is and I turn I just go like, and my co star goes, looks at me like that and then there's the pause is long enough
the director goes cut and she literally goes are you good i am so embarrassed
i i don't think because that's that's that's easier for me to understand that getting your attention
because you said you've shot in front of a male talent before.
I've been in a room with a bunch of naked dudes before.
I've never been in a room with more than one set of exposed breasts.
That's a great point.
Maybe a strip club.
But yeah, other than that, no.
It's different because strip clubs are their own thing.
It's being in the same room.
Yeah.
And there was like five women in underpants who were great looking with no shirts on.
And we were all in the same space.
And the crew, I didn't see them.
So I just was like, honestly, when I saw them, I thought like, you want me to leave, yes?
Yeah.
This is bad for you, yeah?
I'm sorry.
I've fallen into my childhood fantasy
that this is some sort of a locker room.
This can't be real.
And somehow you want me to say memorized lines?
That's not reality, everybody.
I'm going to take off.
I'm going to leave.
Did you get it next take?
Yeah.
Well, you know, you just do the thing
where you have to go like, I apologized.
And everyone was like, oh, stop it.
And then I had to do the inside my own head.
You had to do that self-talk really fast where you're like,
you better get this together, you little asshole.
There's not time to joke.
You messed it up a couple more times,
and you're just the guy who can't talk around boobs.
That's a red flag.
Screwing up is one thing.
Forgetting your lines.
Everybody has anxiety.
It happens.
Who cares?
I've been on either side of it where you watch people go through their little moments.
If the reason in your 40s is because of boobs, not only did you screw up, you're the biggest goober on earth.
What is it it you've never
seen boobs and then i have to be like all right i'll just and then because then the tension starts
rising it costs money yeah i'm sure the vibe was going to get very clearly all right very funny
we get it they're boobs say your fucking lines and then being like, honestly, could you potentially cover up the nipple area?
I was very happy when the director said, moving on, we got it.
I feel like I've seen, I want to say it was Seinfeld maybe,
like a behind the scenes of Seinfeld where they couldn't get a line.
It was one of those blooper reels where they just couldn't get a line. And at time kramer's character kramer was like dead serious like come on come on let's get this
let's get this are there it doesn't get to that point often where like blooper reels are kind of
funny for one person but the other person's like i got another fucking movie i'm working on like
i will answer that yes but first i think i've seen the same one because i'm obsessed with jerry
stiller so i think that YouTube clip where Jerry Stiller,
then all of a sudden they talk about how they would write a line where it
would be like, this smoothie tastes good.
And then he would come in and go like, this smoothie tastes good!
What a fucking choice that wonderful maniac made could you imagine making that choice
like having the guts like you know this is what they want yeah you know but like in this industry
you know you're always nervous you don't want to make a choice where they say like
you're a fucking lunatic and you're fired the line line and nobody, they said they did not give him permission.
They didn't say like, hey, do you want to yell at the weirdest times possible
and put emphasis on seemingly the wrong words?
This toilet is falling.
I think the scene you were talking about,
I think it was when
he like charges
in a lane and he's like do you want a
piece of me
everyone was dying
laughing having like the grand old time
and he was in the background like gotta finish your life
but you would see him because
because sometimes he would add
the emphasis on the weirdest moments
do you want a piece of me you know that Because sometimes he would add the emphasis on the weirdest moments. Do you?
You know, that that vibe of people get intense.
So Minx was not really improvised.
You know, it was a really scripted show.
As you see, it gets going.
It turns into one.
You know, it's HBO Max.
So it's a little bit it's comedy drama.
It's that in between.
But the narrative matters.
So the story is kind of
the winner of it and what you're really watching more than one-liners is like the arc of what
happens if you do more of like a sitcom sitcom or like a i don't even know if comedy movies do
them anymore but like the old judd movies or stoler movie where they're like you're just going
for laughs yeah those movies every once in a while somebody can get a little tense
because you might be sitting on a joke for two and a half hours on the 11th hour of a day and
then just be like hey buddy it's just say chicken fingers chicken fingers just say they might never I did an interview with Jay Barenthal once and I asked him about being on This Is The End because that was Jonah Hill and him and Seth Rogen and Danny McBride.
And I was like, was that the best set you've ever been on? And he said he was actually like it wasn't enjoyable because it was almost everybody was trying to be the funniest and improv.
And it was like a competition.
And so it became like you were uncomfortable the whole time because it's like, oh, I'm not I'm not as funny as he is.
I got to try to be funny on this round, because I guess when people start to improvise, you know, I feel like the greats know when to do it and how to do it.
But if you're not one of those guys, it's probably like, you know what?
You know, I really think it is to be a sports meathead for a second.
It's putting a team together.
If everybody's jacking up threes, you're not going to win.
So if you got somebody who can hit all the threes, then set a screen.
Yeah.
Or figure out how to get a rebound.
So you can still be really funny,
but you just might get eight points and 15 rebounds,
but the team is going to win.
Yeah, but you're not going to get that $100 million contract when you're taking charges and diving on the floor.
Yeah, but we're still talking about NBA money.
You're right.
NBA money is absolutely preposterous.
Just a quick side note.
When you see that someone has a $100 million contract and you're like, oh, okay.
And then you see it's only for three years.
What?
But then when you look at NFL contracts and you see an offensive lineman and you're like, you made $62,000 that year?
It is disgusting.
Logan Mankins went to the Super Bowl on two torn ACLs.
And he's probably making like 2.1.
You're like a guy's arms hanging off,
and then the fans are mad at them that they asked for a raise,
and you're like, no, I actually think these guys could get raises.
Yeah, it is crazy.
Maybe don't pay the quarterback a billion dollars.
Maybe spread it around a little.
I've actually wondered that if maybe Baker will be kind of the first one who –
it feels like with quarterbacks, it's always either you're not our guy,
you're cut, see you later, like they did with Mitch.
Or it's like we think you might be our guy, here's $40 million a year.
There's never like that kind of window where it's like, look, you're not –
we want you on our team.
But how about we pay you $15 million this year? How about we pay you $20
million this year? 100%. Let's see.
We spread it around. We get you
some weapons. We see what happens.
Agreed.
There's just
such a shortage of
quarterbacks, and it's such a quarterback-driven
league that if you owned one
of these businesses and you go to somebody
and what if we gave you 12?
There's going to be a franchise like Washington,
like whatever they're calling their name now.
They're going to then say, well, we'll give you 30.
Yeah, I know.
It's like somebody's going to give that kind of money.
Because you run into then the players union is like,
no, you've got to set the precedent for other contracts.
Because Brady is the blueprint, and he's the guy who spread it around and guess what he made it back when he had 50 000 endorsements for watches and
cars and all that what do you guys what do you guys make of this uh aaron rogers new post have
you guys already discussed what a bag of shit this guy's turned into so what is happening so
dramatic and like so selfish and look at me.
But then he's going to get mad at the media and be like, the media makes a big deal.
Yo, you know what you did.
Absolutely.
You know what you were doing.
You know what you're doing.
They didn't misconstrue.
They didn't take out of context.
You put up a very ambiguous and long-winded, dramatic post for the internet to see.
The biggest one was, you know the last post, right?
Yes, it was
Cobb and Adams, and he's not
in the middle. It's where he always stands,
and he's not in the middle.
It's the game of Kansas City that he missed.
If he doesn't
retire, then what
is going on with this dude?
If he ends up retiring,
I think it's a really lovely way to say goodbye.
Yeah, but also he's not retired because he's such an asshole.
Yeah, no, he's not.
He's doing normal to do.
But if he is and he says at the end of the day, you know, I want to thank the lovely people.
I want to thank my ex fiance.
And man, what you guys don't know as the fans is we have great relationships.
I relate to that.
You know, when New Girl ended,
I went on Instagram and posted little things
about each cast member.
Sure, yeah.
You're like, because what's going to happen
is when a show ends or a job ends,
you don't really see the people.
Right, that's it.
It's over, right?
If he posts that and then signs a three-year deal,
if I were on the team, I would be like, are you okay?
Well, even his...
Hey, can I fucking interrupt for a second?
Because I'm furious.
Because he's on the Pat McAfee show right now.
And he said he was just showing gratitude and, quote,
there's nothing cryptic about gratitude.
Yes, there is, Aaron.
That's for us to decide. Yes, there is. If the whole world sits there and says this is cryptic, then it's fucking cryptic about gratitude. Yes, there is, Aaron. That's for us to decide.
Yes, there is.
If the whole world sits there and says this is cryptic, then it's fucking cryptic, Aaron.
He said there will be no – he has not made a decision about his future.
There will be no announcement.
Then you know what?
Then we're playing into it and I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree.
And actually the biggest point is that we already know how egotistical he can be.
There's no way he's not leaving without a tour.
He's going to do a retirement tour.
You think so?
Yes.
I don't think anyone can do a retirement tour unless Brady comes back, which is, I guess, a possibility.
But I don't think – if Tom Brady doesn't do a retirement tour, I don't understand how you can look yourself in the face and do a retirement tour.
Because everyone's an asshole.
Yeah.
Because everyone's an asshole. That's what it comes down to good point it's a gay maybe not maybe i'm not brady but i still am
a uh world-class athlete but i did i did win that super bowl 20 years ago yeah yeah yeah he he's the
luckiest dude who are your teams uh chicago chicago i threw and threw right yeah the uh which
you know i i'm not saying i i like ryan pold i like the gm
i like that he's an offensive lineman with a little bit of fire to him um i don't know about
this head coach i'm not against him by any means um but when the search happened i really wanted
brian flores in chicago and i'm not just trying to be politically cool now that you know he's
doing the lawsuit now that he's know, he's doing a lawsuit.
Now that he's a linebacker,
the most overqualified linebackers coach in history.
I really wanted an old school,
mean defensive guy in Chicago that you come to Chicago in those winters and
you're going to get your ass kicked and it's going to be hard.
And then let Justin Fields do whatever he wants with the offense.
That's when you find like the OC we got now.
Let him build something.
But we've got to build defense first.
It's sink or flow, too, though.
It's like you've got to throw these guys out there.
We were just mentioning it earlier, how perfect everything needs to go
to win a Super Bowl.
It's like you've got to just throw a bunch of shit against the wall at the same time.
You got to build certain things from the inside out.
But the rest of it's also like, I don't know.
Hopefully this works out because you know what it feels like.
I don't know if you guys I don't know if you guys have ever gotten into a poker stage of
your life.
I think I did the when Chris Moneymaker won and ESPN talked about it.
I went out and bought a set and I played with my buddies and I sucked.
But you did like you did like poker but you were yeah i was i played well my mother grew
up my mother used to play cards my cousin's a pro poker means something to my family but
winning a super bowl is the same to me as winning a tournament with poker so you can go to a cash
game and if you grind and if you're smart you can make your money back and
make a little bit of money but to win a tournament at a certain point you need to get a little lucky
you need to suck somebody out you need to do what have you so in terms of an organization like the
bears who knows if we're going to win a super bowl but at least have like an identity that is
clear like a team that doesn't necessarily always win,
but as long as they're a thing and the fans know what they're getting and you
can know how to draft and you know how to build free agency because you have an
identity.
That to me is enough in the NFL.
I just hate what's happening now is everybody's chasing new offensive guru
type guys or established good guys and we're turning into the doogie
hauser league where there's some new person everybody runs after the league changes the
officials are fucking dog shit the league is and i'm like i was watching this round of playoffs
and i started feeling like especially when the rock started talking this is becoming wwe it is
it's a full-blown entertainment product now.
By the end of that game, when all of a sudden the flags started coming out,
I just said very clearly they're not allowing this to happen.
What they want to have happen is they want the Rams to score,
and then they hope Joe Burrow can do it or not do it.
Does his thing too.
Yeah.
But I'm like, for sure right now,
they're going to make sure the Rams score a touchdown.
They're not going to control who wins.
But there's a touchdown happening right here.
Yeah.
We'll give you a chance.
But they're going to make an exception.
But, yeah.
And, Bar, do you see how close Barrow came to making that happen?
Do you see the alternative angle with, like,
who the chasing got behind Ramsey?
It was unreal.
Ramsey, by the way, the worst part of the new jackass.
And I don't hate Jalen Ramsey as much as most people do.
But he just – it's a very underwhelming part.
But it's just like they do – they have the cameos.
And Jalen Ramsey just hits Aaron.
And he just – it just doesn't hit him hard.
And it really bothers me.
I'm like, I could take that hit.
It's the one thing I could see in Jackass that I'm like, oh, I could do that.
Were you a Jackass guy?
How old – is that like your time?
I'm 43 now, so it's a little bit after me.
But, yeah, I've definitely seen them all.
I've got, you know, anybody who's willing to go as far as those guys go,
I have a lot of respect for.
It's not my thing because I'm a huge puss.
You are?
What are you talking about?
That doesn't seem like –
Well, I mean, it's not your thing.
You're not going to go – I'm not going to go do it, dude. I just want to laugh and watch it. puss you are what are you talking about that doesn't mean it's not your thing like you're
not gonna go i'm not gonna go do it dude i just want to laugh that's what like even that that
everything we've ever said i've always been like i can see that with jake i can see that with jake
that surprises me that you're not here thank you for that but here's what i mean by that
like i'm not look if somebody comes to attack me i'm not gonna lay on my back i will try to
bend myself if i'm with a friend and I bend over
and they kick me in the scrotum so hard that
I pass out, I'm not getting up laughing.
No, I'm with you on that.
If I walk in and somebody
goes like, hey man, you want a beer from the fridge?
And I go, yeah. And I open it and a huge
fist comes out and punches me in the face.
That to me
is a friendship bender.
But don't you want to watch it
I'm not going to do that stuff either
I love watching
last year I punched him in the dick
and
like too hard
the sound it made and the reaction
and I immediately
because I'm not that kind of guy but the first thing that went
through my head is the retaliation is coming
and now I put this X on my back and he held on to it Immediately, because I'm not that kind of guy, but the first thing that went through my head is the retaliation is coming.
And now I put this X on my back.
And he held on to it for so long that I walked around in fear,
like a battered dog.
And he nailed me.
He nailed me, and we got kicked off Instagram for a little bit. It was bullying because we punched each other in the dick.
Is that right?
Yeah.
It was like it is bullying, but we bullied each other, so whatever.
How did you guys partner up?
I got the job.
This is back in 2009.
And Feidelberg applied to be an intern for Dave,
and it narrowed down to him and one other guy.
And Dave picked the other dude, so I picked him.
No way.
Yeah.
That's amazing. it was it was just an easy it was uh i liked his last name feidelberg i thought he was a jewish guy because at the time
i was the only guy at barstool who wasn't jewish and so we had this hanukkah versus christmas thing
going on and i was like oh it'll be funny if i have the jewish guy on my team and he was like
cool man but i'm not jewish and i was like all right well you sound like you are you're like man i really built on the wrong guy scrap it gotta start over
oh man uh yeah it ended up being a lucky uh pairing but all right man i plenty time you
gave us plenty of time here and i appreciate that as always so thank you so much and uh
minx is out on the 17th looking forward to judging allicks. Yeah, I want to see a lot of dicks.
I hope you guys check it out.
I really think you're going to like it.
I'm very sure you're going to check it out.
By the way, we heard that you were, there's a lot of talk about your look on the show.
Speaking of objectifying, that you were kind of burned on the internet as a sex icon with how you look in the show.
You got sexy, dude.
You got sexy.
What episode is your dick in? What's that that what episode do you show your monster hog let's just start a rumor right now just say like in episode five i show my 10 inch dick
the last moment of episode 10 if you watch every second it's like a little uh what are those called a
little agger whatever easter egg your yeah easter egg your computer knows if you've watched every
second the last shot of the series is i just rip open my denim jeans and just release the
all right brother thanks as always man thank you so much great seeing you guys សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.