KFC Radio - Jackie is Forced to Reveal Her Embarrassing 2023 Vision Board - Full Episode

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

- MLK statue fail - What is the oldest thing you own and actually use? - Feits is disgusts himself by looking in the mirror every morning - Jackie has been doing shrooms - We should start gatekeeping again - Colleen's wild story that occurred in an Apple store - Jackie had sex(?) with a ghost in a sleep paralysis episode - Hosting people/not having personal space is the worst - Fake scar girl - Jackie shares her embarrassing 2023 vision board - we are all robots and Feits tries to prove that wrong by spitting water - Your ATI questions: - candy dispenses through belly button - c*m every time you sneeze or get a charlie horse every time you fart - save drowning friend or watch a movie - Video Voicemails - cutting hair - new form of drying off after shower ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 MLK Statue fail 00:06:57 What is the oldest thing you own and actually use? 00:10:42 Body postitivity? 00:20:09 Jackie's been doing shrooms 00:23:13 We should start gatekeeping products again 00:29:22 Colleen's wild Apple story 00:35:15 Jackie had sex with a ghost 00:39:57 Hosting people is the worst 00:49:09 Fake Scar Girl 00:51:46 Vision board 01:06:17 We are all robots 01:14:35 ATI Questions 01:31:48 Video Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hellofresh: Go to https://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code kfc21 for 21 free meals + free shippingYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We go to sleep. We operate the same as computers. We go to sleep. What computer program had me do that welcome back to another edition of kfc radio is just me and jackie kevin is at disney on ice at the moment right across the street. And it's like my favorite thing in the world that Kevin uses game time for Disney on Ice when everyone else uses it for like concerts. And he was the one who pointed it out. He's like concerts and MMA fights and college football.

So the whole company uses game time for. Kevin's using game time to go to Disney on Ice. Although that video he sent does look fucking fire. I gotta have a good time at, at, at Disney on ice. But anyway, so it's me and Jackie.

We it's, it's, I have words written down that don't make any sense and we're just going to go. It's going to be random episode. First up MLK thoughts. You guys want to take it away? Oh, she ran

die. No, no, no, no. MLK. Jackie's like, I don't speak on MLK anymore. No, no, no, no. Not after that incident in middle school. If you guys don't know about Jackie in middle school with MLK, it is got a room slip.

It is. Tell them the okay. It's not true. It is. Tell them the story. Tell them the story. Nothing happened in middle school. Ever. The first middle school you went to. No. I truly don't know what you're talking about, but I'm saying that

it makes it sound like they're both saying nothing happened in middle school. Nothing. Look at me. Nothing happened in middle school. Nothing. Look at me. Look at me. Nothing happened in middle school. No, I'm just saying it seems like – You seem like you're awfully defensive. I'll tell you what. You sound exactly like someone who would show up to school on MLK Monday and you're like, I go to work.

We were just debating this like – Like, I shouldn't get a day off. I go to class on Mondays. Pals was just saying though like, shouldn't get a day off. I go to class on Mondays. Pals was just saying, though, shouldn't we... I think, like, white people should have to work on it. You know, it's...

Jackie said, unless you're doing something helpful, Jackie said going to a rally. I was like, I don't think a rally is the thing you want to be going to. This is exactly what happened in middle school.

Yeah. No, I meant to go. Jackie tried to start a rally on MLK Day. When I was thinking of rally, I was thinking like, go black,

like, oh my god. No, we gotta go die. Like, you know, like good things. Like, we love you guys

yeah there you go I'm just talking it all getting cut so yeah anyway he's like I edit this I'm just cutting it all

it doesn't really fucking matter yeah alright but I did hear that there was an MLK statue so I do want to see what that is you haven't seen this at all I have not seen it no

damn when I see stuff and you don't I've been off the internet I've been skiing I've been. I have not seen it, no. Damn, when I see stuff and you don't. I've been off the internet, man. I've been skiing. I've been fucking, I've been off the grid. So here's the reveal. It's in Boston. Oh, no, it's in Boston? Yeah.

And it's called The Embrace. Wait. Wait for another shot. Oh, boy. This is tough. I don't, what is it it's supposed to just be mlk hugging a hug it looks like someone's sucking their own dick from this that is that that's what the general consensus like um i mean that looks like it's just holding a big penis yeah this is so actually i have now that i see it i have seen a photoshopped image

of one of the arms with that that cop who was fucking everybody and it was her just holding the arm dick and so i had see i didn't know what i was looking i knew what it was supposed to represent that's a good angle right there yeah yeah that looks handsome that's a good angle right there. Yeah, that looks handsome. That's a... Yeah, I don't know. I just don't know if there are good statue makers. I think, like, no one... I don't believe in Leonardo da Vinci. I don't believe in the statue of David.

Because that looks like a person. Has there ever been a statue ever made in the last 15 years that looked like the person it was supposed to look like? Well, now they're trying to get too abstract with it like i feel like for for whatever like i i got into this argument this weekend i think the reason that that is is they're trying to justify four-year colleges for some of this shit because when i was in college they it was a intro to like film class and they're focusing on abstract shit and i'm like you're all just spewing bullshit there was

a there's a movie persona where it does a countdown in the beginning to 10 9 and at 6 it just flashes a giant dick on screen and our teacher stopped the class and went so how does everybody feel and it's like what do you mean it's like how did that make you feel I'm like you're just

trying to make this seem like it's a legitimate degree in Iowa right now it's not but like but like there's there's the ronaldo statue there was there have been other like famously awful statues made and i just don't think that what's the guy with the like if you if you want to go to breckenridge colorado in the winter i'll take you to the fucking ice sculpting class. Not class. Ice sculpting competition. Oh, those are sick. Those guys could fucking make you a statue. Those are the last great artists in the world, I think. Okay, that's our take on MLK.

Wait, you didn't give your take on just... On MLK? Yeah, just in general. I'm pretty pro. Pretty pro. Yeah. You can put me down. You can write that one down. You can jot me down for a –

Jot me down on that too. I'm a pro MLK guy over here. Okay. You guys? I'd also like to be jotted down. Yeah? Yeah. You can put that on the record.

Room full of pros? Colleen, be quiet. Be quiet over there. Yeah. Arizona over there. Arizona didn't celebrate MLK Day until the 90s, I believe it was. Jenny Mullen told us that?

Yeah, I think so. Until 1994, Arizona was like, we're not sold on this MLK guy just yet. Pauline had a little mishap. I'm going to figure that out. 1992. Voters in Arizona passed a law in 1992 to make

King's birthday a state holiday. The very next sentence, the NFL put the 1996 Super Bowl in the state. I don't know if that was part of it. I don't know why those two are together, but yeah. Yeah, that was it. Okay. What is the oldest thing you own and you actually use? Oh, shit.

The oldest thing I own and actually use? Yeah, I just saw this question on Twitter like two seconds ago. You go first. Mine's probably just a pair of underwear. Yeah. I mean, actually, I'll probably have like a pair. Like, I would guess. I have a pair of shorts that I still wear that I stole from a guy in high school.

So probably those. Oh, yeah, that's true. I have a shirt of shorts that I still wear that I stole from a guy in high school. So probably those. Oh, yeah, that's true. I have a shirt I wear that's from, like, early 2000s. I would think it's underwear. Every single time I take off a pair of underwear, I go, I should just throw these away. It's crazy. I do not have one. I don't recommend that because I recently started doing that, and now I don't have underwear.

Yeah. I got to go, and then I leave here. I'm like, I don't want that because I recently started doing that and now I don't have underwear. Yeah. I gotta go and then I leave here. I'm like, I don't want to stop and shop right now. So it's just I have to do laundry three times a week. I have been doing that where I just almost like, huh, feels like someone stealing my underwear and they're not stealing it. It's just me. I'm throwing it away. How's your jockstops?

How's your jockstops? My other one, my first one that I wore the other day awful. I already regret asking that question. Awful. I hated every second of it. Particularly because like... Does it make you a little perkier? Boost it up? I did. I honestly never checked. I didn't really

look in a mirror or anything like that. I've got a video on my phone if you want to look at it. It's crazy uncomfortable. It's crazy uncomfortable. They should just do a thong. I guess, but I'm actually glad to have you here today. I don't understand how girls wear even thongs because when I was out, I was on the subway. I had just one piece of fabric between my cheeks and the seat, and I felt very vulnerable.

Yeah, I mean, I've never thought of it like that, and it got in my head a little bit the other day when you said that, because now I was kind of like, there's just like a thin. But, but. Now you're going to be thinking about how the sun dresses come in the spring. You're like, I'm a fucking cool breeze. I don't, I'm also, I'm also a leaner, though. And I think it's gross. If you're wearing a skirt, things are going to crawl up in there. Ew.

Sorry, but like, yeah. I mean, yeah, that doesn't, that's not a thing. Bacteria crawling all up, all up in the skirt. No. I don't know the skirt no i don't know i don't think so i don't think bacteria can crawl it spreads i guess it kind of i guess like i'd like if you put out a microscope i'm sure it probably looks like it's crawling okay anyways but um i don't know you just don't feel it you don't think about it. Is the reason why jockstraps aren't thongs because guys wouldn't be... Well, I don't think anyone wears jockstraps.

They're made for... I guess gay people do, according to Pat. They're made for... You put a cup in them, and then that holds your cup up. The jockstrap I was wearing the other day was supposed to have a cup in it. Start rocking a cup in it. Wait, so... I already...

When you're working out and jumping around, what's holding that in place? Nothing. That's why I don't know what people did. I guess I do know what people did. They wore fucking jockstraps before the invention of compression shorts because

as someone who does quite a bit of jump roping, if I end up on a bad day where I don't have a clean pair of compression shorts, because as someone who does quite a bit of jump roping, if I end up on a bad day where I don't have a clean pair of compression shorts, it's a debacle. It is. I don't know. You don't have to keep giving details about that. Actually, I'll go so far as to say if I don't have clean compression shorts, I do not work out that day because it is.

It's a debacle. It's a debacle. It's just like an old lady. Like an old lady with saggy titties. You don't have to keep going. I got the picture. Imagine an old lady with the ability to sprint still. But she's got no shirt on.

So she's moving. She is humming down the street. And titties are just everywhere. I actually have a question. Sometimes I feel like sex for girls is, I feel like, partially good because you're like, I'm so hot. I'm being so hot right now. But do guys have that at all? I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for myself and say no. But I feel like you guys have that at all i feel like i can't speak for all men but speak for myself and say no i mean like some but like i feel like you guys are all like so body you guys all

just think terribly i don't know what you're about to say it is no i i dude i i actually remember i have had sex fairly recently where it was like uh oh do you want to like get on top and look yourself in the mirror and she was like absolutely and i was like if oh, do you want to get on top and look yourself in the mirror? And she was like, absolutely. And I was like, if that question was in the reverse, I'd be like, what are you fucking nuts? Turn the lights out. Guys don't think about that at all. They would not want. Dude, if someone offered me to fuck me and watch yourself in the mirror, I'd be like, no chance.

No, thank you very much. That would be a fucking nightmare. In fact, my bed, there's a big full-length mirror right to my left, and every single morning I wake up and the first thing I see is myself shirtless. So every single day starts the worst possible way. It's just like I wake up and I roll over and I'm just like, what the fuck, dude? You still look like this. How did nothing happen in my sleep last night that drastically changed my appearance to the world?

And it is it fucking sucks. I still love your drawing of like your shower. Oh, my God. That's like imagine that. imagine that shadow being like remember like Peter Pan and Wendy are like sewing shadows no you don't no that's like part of the show part of the movie you don't if you lose your

shadow you like fucking die or something I don't know if I ever fully watch Peter Pan but whatever what I'm saying is imagine me having to fucking sew my shadow. Like, fuck this! A cute little, like, Tinkerbell. Yeah, yeah.

Like, that's exact... I mean, it's a shadow. It's exactly... So I go from... I wake up in the morning, and I look at myself in that mirror, and I go, Jesus fucking Christ, dude. And then I get up, and I go to, I go from, I wake up in the morning and I look at myself in that mirror and I go, Jesus fucking Christ, dude. And then I get up and I go to the shower and then I have to look at my fucking goddamn shadow the whole shower and it's just, oh, I'm a repulsive, disgusting.

Nikki Glaser said this on, she was talking about like Louise Hay and she's like the big like mental health girl. And she says, there's like this girl who like does like the big like mental health girl. And she says, there's like this girl who like does like all these like mental health books or whatever. And she said, Nikki Lee just said this. There's like this one thing.

It's like, I love and approve of myself exactly as I am. And if you just say that in your head over and over and over again, it actually, it sounds so dumb, but it actually helps. Jackie, she told John to do that.

And he's like, yeah, that's not going to work. Yeah, that's right. No, I swear to God. Wait, you heard her say this on a different podcast? No. She said it sitting in the seat. No, no, no, no. I heard her say it here, but I've

heard Louise Hay That sounds like a made-up name. I keep thinking, like, Okay, sorry. I don't know what to tell you on that, but I've listened to her audiobooks and she says, I love and approve of myself exactly as I am, and then whenever you're not feeling good about yourself, so I want you in the to tell you on that but I've listened to her audiobooks and she says I love and approve of myself exactly as I am and then whenever you're not feeling good about yourself so I want you in the morning you wake up and then when you look at yourself

in the mirror don't don't look at yourself in the mirror first I don't help tomorrow I'm saying like if you don't like what you're seeing then don't do it but then before you do say I love and approve of myself exactly as I am. But I don't.

I don't love and approve of myself. First of all, not what you should be saying. But I don't. I shouldn't. I have not earned love and approval of myself. God, there's no fixing you at all. How can you ever get better? You would just be could you just okay okay okay okay okay i actually okay so you're subconscious you just have to like trick it and so it's like it feeds in like you just gotta like literally like

even if you don't believe it you don't have to believe it just tell yourself stop don't say it you're about to say it you're about to say but i don't but i don't but just say okay go but then like why would i if i love and approve myself why would i get in shape if i love and approve of myself here doesn't matter because you have it starts i feel like it matters a bit what i feel like it matters no no because it starts with self-love and then once you disagree i think only things are done through hatred. Fucking like. Spite. What? Like hatred and spite or what?

Yeah, but then it's like you treat your body. You also like, you look great. Everybody here looks great. So it's like you don't even have to like. We all have mirrors. Okay, but then once it starts with self-love, then you start to be like, okay, I'm not going to eat 5,000 Reese's and then like whatever you do. I don't know.

Like, don't look at me like that. I don't like Reese's. I'm a Justin's. This is a Justin's house. Okay. I don't know what you do. Like old Chinese food. Like you just start treating your body like a little bit better because you're like, I love and improve myself.

But I don't think I would. I don't think I would. I did. I did have like a – I guess a mantra. Okay. Is that what they're called? Yeah. Affirmation.

Affirmation. But it doesn't really apply, but I like it. Well, say it. I just read it on – just have yourself one. It's just in my notebook. You know what? If you're living – yeah, If you're living by the mantra, have yourself one.

I like that as a term. I wouldn't say that's the same thing as I love and approve of myself. It's not, but I think it does what I need it to do, which is just, it could be anything. It could be a day, a week, a beer, a drink. Fucking have yourself one, kid. Wait, I like that.

I really like that. Have yourself a month. Have yourself a fucking year. Who cares? Yeah. Fucking have yourself one. wait i like that i really like that they can have yourself a month have yourself a fucking year to get greedy who cares yeah or can have yourself what does it mean though fucking it means have yourself one dude okay jackie do you have a mantra um stole nicky's and now it makes me feel bad about it where i got my own goddamn mantra right in this fucking book i don't really think I have one yet. You know what? When I look at the notes for the show,

when am I going to have myself one? Have myself a show. Have yourself a fucking show. Fucking have yourself one, kid. Have yourself a show. I like that. I really like that. Okay, but I... It has not worked so far.

I was going to say, I don't think... I think that's just going to get you to party a lot or whatever. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. Just fucking have yourself one. Okay. Have yourself a funny hairnet you wear. Did you just call it a hairnet? Whatever it is.

My hair is greasy, so I had to wear this thing. No, have yourself one. I feel like you're trying to get away from self-improvement again. Sure. Almost exclusively. We'll come back to it. At least try. At from self-improvement again. Sure. Almost exclusively. We'll come back to it. At least try. At least try tomorrow.

That's it. Okay. I'm going to say have yourself one is what I'm going to say. I'll stick with my thing. Because I don't have to love and improve myself in order to have myself one. I can just fucking have myself one despite the deep-seated hatred. You're just going to continue. Do you guys have mantras?

Kind of. I always just said better. Just be You're just going to continue. Do you guys have mantras? Kind of. I always just said, like, better. Like, just be better today. Try to, like, build on everything. Yeah. It's lame. Yeah. I constantly remind myself I'll be dead one day whenever I need to, like, motivate myself to do something.

Like, you'll be dead. Might as well do it. Sure. Jackie, this backfired on you pretty good. All of you guys. Call Eve. I have some mantras. Go.

I like a good mantra. I think a good mantra, this is like a good in-between mantra for everybody. Okay, a good one is good days on good days. Not every day is going to be great, but there's good in every day. That's a long-ass mantra, dude.

I lost you. We're talking mantras, not books. It's just stack good days on good days, but it means like – Stack good days on good days. Because if you're like, today is going to be a great day, you're kind of setting yourself up for failure. Yeah. This one is a little over my head. It'll be good.

And then you stack another one, and then you have a lot of good days. I get what you're saying. That makes sense? Yeah, it reminds me of Major League, the movie. Belichick says something similar, too, where it's like, if you win, I forget what the movie, Belichick says we have to win one game five times instead of win five games. Oh, I actually kind of have one similar to that. My soccer coach would always say this. It takes eight seconds to score a goal which is like

it's true it's like whenever you're down you're like it just takes like eight seconds to score a goal but like sometimes if you're having a bad day like and like you know how like some one quick thing can just turn around real quick which is so true it's like okay like if it's like if you're like in a bad mood like just to stop the momentum, it just takes eight seconds to like, you know? Isn't that kind of cute? No. Do you get it? I do the five second.

I don't know what it's from. I think it's from the movie, but like five seconds. Hitch. Yeah, give yourself five seconds. To like hit on a girl? No, just go do anything. Oh. I don't know.

Oh, no. That's from, is that the Count of Three? Is it Count of Three? Yeah. I gave myself five. Countdown from three. It's We're the Millers. Oh, yeah.

Before he kisses the girl. And then it's before he punches someone. Yeah. I haven't seen that one. three. It's We're the Millers. Oh, yeah. Before he kisses the girl. And then it's before he punches someone. Yeah. I haven't seen that one. You haven't seen We're the Millers? Well, I've seen the movie. I just don't remember that scene itself. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's a good one, though. I like that. Right. While we're doing self-improvement, Jackie has some things that she's been doing. Shrooms, for starters. Oh, yes. But that's not self-improvement. That's just like that to be more giggly. That's having yourself on. starters oh yes but that's not self-improvement

that's just like that to be more giggly that's having yourself on but I feel like that's self-improvement yeah isn't shrooms taken I'm someone who just

but I thought so I started doing it because I wanted to do less alcohol more shrooms like I wanted to like just try and like drink less but then I just like have the same amount

plus shrooms I'm just really sloppy I'm really giggly. Where are you getting your shrooms? Are you doing straight shrooms or chocolate shrooms? Chocolate shrooms. And then it's also like they don't have a whole half a candy bar. I've been having just a whole half a candy bar a night pretty much.

Dude, don't fucking look at me in the face and say it like that. Oh, sorry. I've been having a whole half a candy bar a night. Dude, I knock a half a candy bar out of bed before i get up in the morning i'm still in bed when i'm eating my first half candy bar of the day maybe if you that's a factual statement the the mantras huh maybe if you start saying the mantras i am saying have yourself one have yourself a half anyways my point is just it all kind of backfired But it's really fucking fun I love it

Are you doing it nightly? When I go out, yeah I haven't ever tried it sober You've never tried it sober? Stroom sober, no I do it sober basically every night Yeah, what's the experience like? I don't know

I actually like the actual mushrooms I have the wham bars, the things they sell in bodegas here Yeah I have those chocolate bars and that is just me i just feel like i get high i don't really feel like yeah like mushrooms high i want to do like a guided meditation like i guess i'm all like mental health i don't know why but like i want to do like a guided like shroom like trip you know like i've never actually like like tripped on shrooms. I have a couple of times and I always think I'm not. And then I start talking and people are like, can you fucking hear yourself?

How are you? Are you? You're not. I think it was my birthday maybe two years ago. We were at my parents house. Are you seeing stuff? Yeah. I like called everyone outside into the middle of a field

and I was like you guys gotta like look at the way the earth curves and like you can literally see the stratosphere or atmosphere or whatever and they're like are you really trying to fucking act like you're not high right now but I agree with that I do think that you could see

the curve I was 100% right I don't know if I was high I mean I do think that you could see the curve. I mean, like, I was 100% right. I don't know if I was high. I mean, I know it was high. But the, I don't know. I do quite like mushrooms. I've been doing self-improvement. I've been doing no drinking during the week.

It's just mushrooms and weed. There's no way it's, like, that much better for you. I'm sure it's, like, healthy for you or healthier. But, like, there's no way it's that much better. I don't think it is either. Again, like, it's backfired. I think I'm drinking more's like healthy for you or healthier, but like there's no way it's that much better. I don't think it does either. Again, like it's backfired. I think I'm drinking more plus shrooms. I barely get home these days.

It's just not – it's not it. Okay. You say we have to start gatekeeping products again. Oh, yeah. Well, I just like everywhere on TikTok. I mean, love Alex Earl so much. Who's that? Oh, she's the Oklahoma girl?

She's the – no, I don't think she's the Oklahoma girl. She's the girl with the baseball guy. Yes, yes. And she's like the it girl on TikTok right now. And pretty much like everything she posts sells out like that. And so it's like, like I've been trying to get like half her products for like a while now. Like makeup products. Like she's already has makeup stuff.

How's that? I thought she like popped off. No, like she'll literally just use something that like would be in Sephora, like not hers. She's not making money off it. Oh, she's definitely making money off it.

75 grand a post i believe yeah but there's like what are we doing we're not everywhere like like in it's not even just her it's like every single now it's like everyone has since alex world and like even before has been like doing like all these like makeup like routine tiktoks and everything like that and then like if they're big it's like it's all sold out everywhere so I've been trying to get like like new makeup for like I don't even know how long now and I can't get anything because everything's fucking sold out do you agree with me on this right? Wait come here. Like, there was some, like, I think it was, like, Kim K or somebody posted about those, like, nerd clusters that everyone loves.

The candy? Yeah. Don't care for those, by the way. Nerds are garbage candy. You can't find them anywhere. So, like, people are posting. So think about, like, your absolute favorite, like, Sour Patch Kids. If some influencer went off and said, like, these Sour Patch Kids, and they're just gone.

You can't find them. It'd be stuff that was in my makeup routine or even clothes or anything. Like Uggs. You can't get Uggs anymore. I just wanted Uggs for comfy shoes. These are knockoffs because I couldn't figure out how to get any kind of other. You couldn't figure out how to get Uggs?

I didn't really look that hard. I got a feeling I could find Uggs pretty quickly. I'm going to check it out. Let's run a test. Can we start a clock, please, for a second? No, but do short chestnut Uggs. What size? Eight and a half, nine.

Now I'm self-conscious. It's a nine, if I'm being honest. Got big-ass feet, huh? Jackie fucking Flipper. I like how every time Kevin's gone, you come out with a new name. I mean, I think sweaty Italian sausage is the worst of them. You're right. They are.

I found a nine. Wait, did you say you were a 9? Oh, never mind, I found him Sometimes it's a 9.5 No way, dude! Can you dunk? For the most part, I'm a 9 I'm actually 8.5 to a 9

To 9.5 But I always get 9s Occasionally, I'll throw in a 9.5 I don't even know why I'm, like, what? Like, when you walk around, like, when you get out of the shower, have you ever seen, like, when someone's, like, walking around the pool and they have, like, their, like, you can hear, like, the wet, the slap of their flippers?

Is that what it's like when you get out of the shower? Perfectly normal size. It's a perfectly normal size. All right, Bigfoot. What are you? What am I? I am a size 12. No.

What would that be in women's? I don't know. Yes. It's a man's world. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, so you want to just start, stop having a product seller.

Just, just everybody keep, keep their, keep your shit to yourself. If you like a product, don't tell anybody. So you think marketing and advertising. Marketing and advertising. Don't do it anymore. Don't do it anymore. Everybody stop. Be done with it.

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the chicken, but I learned. You just put it in the oven. Yeah. But I didn't know it's like 450 degrees, 15 minutes. It was a lot simpler than I thought it was going to be, to be quite honest. I was going to say, like, crazy simple.

You hit the bake button on the oven, and that's how you bake a chicken. I had always assumed that there was a lot more stuff that went into it, and it's... Super. Like three or four. It's crazy simple. You could make the argument it's easier

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Colleen has a story that she told KB and KB said, there's no way this is going to be interesting. And I believe KB went on to say it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard in his life. He's, he said it was, I, I said, I have a great, I have a crazy story for you. You can do this one. This one?

Yeah. And he was like, you know what? I don't think it's going to be that crazy. And I was like, okay, just you wait. And let me preface this story by saying I made sure everyone's okay. At the end of the day, everyone's okay in this story. I don't like that preface. Well, I just wanted to –

I like the mind to go where it goes. Okay. Well, so I went to go get a new phone. And I just went into the AT&T close by the office, super small, like smaller than this room. That one like two blocks away? Yeah, like on 23rd. And so I go in. It's just me and an employee.

And then there was another employee helping like an elderly lady um and then one girl came in behind me and her phone was completely broken um so normal things happening normal AT&T you know they're asking for our number um getting it switched and the guy helping the elderly lady seemed to be helping her with like a very miniscule task. Like she was like trying to figure out something on her phone. So all of a sudden, the employee that was helping the elderly lady like turned to the side and kind of screamed out and everyone paused and he started having a seizure. So this employee then was having a seizure. So, this employee then

was having a seizure, and it was very scary, and he fell to the floor and knocked... Did he shove a wall in his mouth? No. I didn't know what was happening. Shove a wall in his mouth? You're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to do that? No, that's... You're absolutely not supposed to block the airway. They do that so you don't bite off their tongue. No, yeah.

That's a myth. Oh. Alright. If anyone ever has a seizure around me, yeah, that's a myth. Oh, all right. If anyone ever has a seizure around me, I'm probably going to shove my wallet in your mouth. I recommend having it around someone else. Everyone's going to think you're just attacking a guy who's shaking on the ground. This was a room of people who didn't know what to do. So the guy knocked the elderly lady on the ground as well. So there are two employees. They're helping the older guy and the elderly lady.

They go behind me, phone's dead. So I grab my phone. They're helping the older guy and the elderly lady. They go behind me. Phone's dead. So I grab my phone. I call the ambulance. I run outside. I get a cop. I like this whole part of the story. Like not very funny, like kind of scary.

Like the guy was like having a seizure. So then we go inside. There's going to be a cop right outside. I'm in New York. Yeah. Sorry. I literally saw a cop today sorry we're not in lawless California

I literally saw a cop today watch a taxi hit a scooter guy and go you guys good? and then just let him keep going and they were slow moving so they go inside it's New York by the time I get inside the guy who had the seizure Like, slow moving, whatever. So they go inside. I mean, it's New York. We dig.

We dig. By the time I get inside, like, the guy who had the seizure was standing up. Like, he was a little bit frazzled. But the older lady was sitting down. She seemed okay. But I went over and I said, hey, this is where the funny part of the story is. So I look at the older lady and I go, so, like, are you okay? Do you need somebody to come get you and she just goes

i was getting help with my phone and i thought she was like a little frazzled like i was like okay i'll give her a second i'll have somebody come get like help her in a second so make sure everyone was okay go back over to the other lady as this guy who was just helping her is getting wheeled out to with the paramedics and this elderly lady lady, I go, are you okay? Like, do you need someone to come in? She goes, I need help with my phone. He was helping me with my phone. Didn't give, like, did not care. Not even a single care in her, like, mind.

She just sat there, was not leaving that AT&T until she got help with her phone. Did she get help with her phone? I don't know. So, like, the girl behind me left. I was like, you know what? The employees were like, do you need you like need anything like they were clearly just like so out of it and i was like no i'm good i'll come back i was gonna like wheel i was gonna offer to wheel this elderly lady to another at&t because they were so out of it

and she just sat there she's probably like a new york like probably just see anything she just sat there and was like well can someone help me with my phone now? And the manager was just like, okay, can you give us a second to, like, recuperate? Like, we just went through this, like, this crazy thing. So, I was in AT&T for, like, 10 minutes, and, like, that whole thing happened. But it was more of, like, this elderly, like, New York lady. Like, first, crazy seeing somebody have a seizure, and then this elderly lady just could not give.

And then you didn't even get any kind of discount or anything. Yeah. They go back the next day, and I was like, oh, I'm going to go back to the same one. Maybe they'll be like, hey. You know, she helped out. You're the hero from yesterday? You're the hero. And they were just like, oh, yeah, sweet.

Thank you. So that's going to be $800. Dude, I think old people don't respect seizures. Seizures are definitely on the bottom of the list of health scares I respect. That they don't respect? Uh-huh. They don't respect? I don't really respect a seizure.

What do you mean you don't respect a seizure? If you have a seizure in front of me, I'm not going to stop my day. You got, like, a seizure is like... Please, like, just never have a seizure on John. You're going to mold it. I think a seizure is like a... I don't know, maybe it's because, like, my friend when I was a kid had seizures, and I was like, pfft, fucking weak-ass kid.

Like, seizures, you're having seizures, I got no time for you. So if you were in that AT&T Like if you were me In that scenario Would you have just been like Ugh I'll come back Like would you have just No no no no no I mean I'm not an asshole I would have done

I'm sure what you did But like I'd been like Someone's having a fucking seizure Some dude Probably take his medicine I don't know I guess he needs help

I wouldn't be like Oh my god What's happening I'd be like Fucking seizure idiot I think that Has anybody ever had sleep paralysis before? I had it like once. Okay, so like I think that like, is that some form of like seizure?

Like, because like when I do it, like I like. I don't believe so. It's like everything's cramping up and like I'm like trying so hard to get out of like my position. And like I can't like, I'm like screaming and like trying so hard to get out of like my position and like i like can't like i'm like screaming and like trying but like you know i yeah i know that's where the paralysis comes into play in the sleep paralysis it's not sleep seizures sleep paralysis yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the um wait one time one time i had a seizure or not a seizure sorry sleep paralysis and i got raped by a ghost. Like, it wasn't actually, but, like, in my...

It was so scary. Sorry, all of your faces. It was so scary. This ghost just... Kate, like, I was... So I woke up, like, in my bed, and I realized I couldn't move and everything like that. And I was like, oh, fuck, I know, like, demons are about to come. Sure enough, ghost, like, whooshes from...

Oh, God. Whooshes from, like like the top of my bedroom. And then you get the rest. It was ridiculous. I don't know that I do, Jackie. I get it, man. This is tough to say. I guess I have an idea of what a regular human raping looks like. It was only like... What is a ghost raping?

It was only like three pumps. It was fine. The ghost was a three-pump job. Jackie, this sleep paralysis raping ended with Jackie yelling at Goat. You can't even fuck good, Doc.

Is that all you got, you little bitch? It wasn't like he like. I'm going to put my size nines up your ass. Jackie tried to trip him out of the room. But he's the only one she tripped. No, he just like disappeared after three bumps he didn't like finish

did he say anything? no he was all business had his way with me did he though? did he have his way with me? I don't think he got any enjoyment out of it he was three pumps. Anyways.

Well, that's what they say about most rapists. It's a power trip more than it is for sexual gratification. That is what they say. Anyways. So I just thought that was a nice little thing to share. How? I guess Kevin kind of does this with me all the time where he's like, how have you never brought this up before? But is this a recent thing?

No, no. No, this happened. I suppress. At the is this a recent thing? No, no. No, this happened. I suppress. Like, the ripe age of, like, 15. No, not 15. Sorry, no, no, not 15. I was in my, I was in my, it was, like, 18, 19. Okay.

For some reason, that makes it better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, she's an adult woman. No, no, no. Yeah, it was statutory, you know? No, it couldn't be statutory. Even when you're underage, it's still just regular rape. Oh, is it?

Well, if you're consenting to it as a – but you can't consent. What is statutory? Statutory is like someone who's like 18 sleeps with someone who's like 16 or something like that. Oh, got it, got it, got it. I think. I'm just thinking of childhood. I think it's when a quote-unquote underage person consents, which I don't think is possible. So I actually don't really understand what statutory rape is

because if you're underage you can't consent so how would it become you consented I think it's if you're in a relationship maybe yeah yeah yeah if you're in a relationship

with someone I don't fucking know and I think that's a nice badge of honor to have I don't know what statutory rape technically is if you do know what it is

imagine if I just fucking like busted it out I was like actually here's what it is like article 9 here's the – Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, fucking weirdo.

I actually said that. Do you remember the Transformers 4 movie with Marky Mark? Did you ever watch that? No. There's a part in that where the daughter is dating a guy who's out of college and he whips out a laminated note of like the law, the Romeo and Juliet law and like hands it to the father because he's 20 and she's like 17. It is

so fucking loose for Michael Bay to just slip in there. You didn't need her to be like, I get Marky Mark's protective. He always is like, we didn't need this. It is wild. It is very, very peculiar. Like you said, my lawyer printed this out for me

you're on all the right side of stuff today I'm okay you don't like you don't know anything about statutory rape it's a good day for you hey let's have yourself one alright Jackie you hosted this weekend oh yeah i don't have much to say about this i just i hosted a friend and hosting friends sucks i don't why do you think it sucks i i quite like hosting you do well like i mean like i think maybe the experience i don't like being around people

for too long i agree with that a lot. Dude, how about this? This weekend, my fucking – I was up skiing with my family, and my sister was telling me that, like, this week was the first time she's been alone since September. What? Oh, yeah, because she's had a baby. Oh. And, like, this week, the baby went out with his father, my sister's husband, and she's like, I just took like a four-hour shower because they moved on. It was the first time I'd been alone since September. What?

That's crazy. That makes me like – I had one of those moments recently because like I recently moved in with my girlfriend and it was just like a matter of – I didn't realize like I haven't been alone. And I was sitting in the apartment by myself and i was like oh whoa this is fucking weird and it's like it's nice i don't know how people do it like how how like couples stay together for that long which is like you could love someone as much as you can but you're like god damn it what the fuck are you doing here right now my mom's always like if your dad didn't like go on work trips all the time, I don't know.

We would have made it. I think my mom said that. I might even say it on the show. I was like, what are you going to do when he retires? And she was like, oh, I don't even want to think about it. She goes, I see him the perfect amount. I don't want to see him anymore than what I see him now. I like, what?

Oh, I was going to say, when I was at home, my sister will just – she still lives at home. My entire family is in one house, which when I'm there for a week, I'm like, I love you guys, but I'm going to fucking kill you all. And my sister will just be like, I'm going to go get a coffee. And then she's gone for two hours just driving around. She's like, I just need a break. My mom has said that too. When we were growing up, if my dad had actually gotten milk every time he went out to get milk,

we'd still be drinking that. We would still have enough milk left over from that time. Yeah, you'd always be like, I'm going to go get some milk. When I lived with friends, I like, because I just like, I get so drained by people so easily that I lived with friends, I like – because I just like – I get so like drained by people so easily that like I would have to – especially like living with girls. Like every time I would try and go be like, okay, I'm going to go like get groceries. They'd be like, oh, I'll come with you.

Like every time I'd go on a walk, they'd be like, oh my god. I feel like walking now too. I'd be like – I would literally like get so mad because like everybody would tag along with me. So then I just start – I was like, you guys, every Sunday, I'm going to just have a me day. I'm going to have a day. You're going to have yourself one. I'm going to have myself one. And nobody is going would tag along with me so then i just started i was like you guys every sunday i'm gonna just have a me day i'm gonna have a day i'm gonna have myself one and nobody's gonna tag along it's nothing personal but like sundays don't fucking talk to me and so like all throughout college every sunday i would like just go and i would like not talk to anybody and i would drive i would do groceries i would just walk it was the best thing ever but i had to like establish that they really didn't get it at first they were really that is like work from home

couples do it dude that was like like during the pandemic was for sure where you you get home come on man come on you've been outside yet like you gotta be kidding me dude the that i i know my parents in particular struggle with that i think kevin i actually we were talking about it when we were skiing this weekend um kevin was telling me he told us he said on the show his lawyer the lawyer's line was like uh marriages for breakfast and dinner not Oh, yeah. If you're eating with your spouse, it's probably not going to go much longer. Oh, boy.

That reminds me, though, this weekend when I was skiing, I was at a bar. First of all, dude, this guy. Actually, you know what? This is how the whole conversation came up when we were up at Mount Snow. I was at Mount Snow this weekend.

You were at Mount Snow this weekend? That's weird. Very weird. Yeah. Dude, I wouldn't have fucking given you a ride. I had no clue that you were going up. But we were at Mount Snow, and we were at the Bull Wheel, which is the bar on top of the mountain.

And for two days in a row, Friday, no, Saturday. I love this. This is like an episode of Sunny. You two were just crossing paths. You did not know it all weekend. The Saturday. So it rained Friday, so we didn't ski Friday, but we skied Saturday, Sunday. And Saturday, I went up to the bar.

I probably went up there at like 1130 or something like that. And we actually stayed a pretty good deal because it was so packed Saturday. Like, it was not very fun. And also, I think Mount Snow was kind of a – it's obviously a smaller mountain. So I think a lot of people who go there aren't particularly great skiers. So then that becomes, like, you're on a fucking trail and, like, someone doesn't know what they're doing. It gets a lot more stressful. So me and my brother were like, fuck this.

Let's go to the bar. And there was a dude sitting at the bar for the three hours I was there and then he was there when I got there he was there when I left and then I went back to the bar Sunday to grab a beer this one was quicker probably just got to get a beer or two for lunch he was there when I got there

he was there when I left and we were like this dude just tells his wife going skiing for the day he takes a lift to the top drinks at the bar all day and then he rides down that's his day this is a fucking legend move

he had an old bay hat on and actually I ended up on the bus with him at the end of the day yesterday and he was definitely had a couple drinks with him and he was like I'm a guy with an old bay hat because he was wearing a helmet at this point. But another person I talked to there was a former ski instructor, like a ski rescue.

Dude, I didn't realize. I was talking to this guy not for a long time. Let's say I talked to him for a half hour. It wasn't at the Boat Wheels. It was a different bar in town. And he was just telling me about like being a ski rescue guy dude he's had 16 people die on him yeah i think of like ski rescue is like i don't know like i think of like alcohol but like you know it kind of just fucking around having a good time i guess those are more like the like uh like like ski instructors like, the schools, the natural rescue people.

But he said he's had, I think, 16 deaths. Some of them were like their brain matter was just exploded on the snow. God. I was like, what? My dad did. My grandpa was a ski patrol for 50 years. And my grandma was the nurse that took care of everybody. And I would be with them at all times. nurse that took care of everybody so and I would be with them

at all times I've seen multiple dead bodies what? yeah and like just like coming in and like I mean

bloody gross what were you doing that they were just bringing dead bodies by you? well they were I mean not dead bodies like people that were

probably on their yeah that explains a lot about you and then like I would just hang out in the patrol room the ski patrol room the whole time

and like you were just like oh I see I would get kicked out in the patrol room, the ski patrol room, the whole time, and, like, you would just, like, I would get kicked out whenever it was, like, really bad. Yeah. Go sit in the snow. This guy's about to die. Multiple times, like,

I, like, know, like, confirmed, like, oh, that guy, yeah, didn't make it. Like, those, they live, that's kind of a crazy life. My dad does search and rescue, and he, like,

he, all the time. Bro, what does your dad, your dad does search and rescue? I've asked this guy. I know. He's a banker. I don't know why he... He does this on the side,

but every weekend he'll come back and he'll be like, dead. Dead. Dude, this guy would say they have their call is bring a hefty bag because it means it's so messy

you're going to have to clean up stuff. And he was retired, but he's like, I got later in life, I was like 65 or whatever, Because it means it's so messy, you're going to have to clean up stuff. And he was retired. He was like, I got later in life, I was like 65 or whatever, and I'm still bringing in hefty bad calls. And I'm like, how about you guys send one of the young guys? I can't keep dealing with death. He was explaining, it was actually interesting in the wake of the DeMar Hamlin stuff too,

where he was talking about, dude, I forget how we went. We went 0-60 60 we were sitting in the bar and he's like finally got an off day i was like hey what do you do and like this guy was telling about dead bodies within 30 he's like he's like thank god someone asked i just want to talk about dead people well he's talking about like doing chest compressions and he said the the smell never leaves the smell of death because he's like like, they'll puke, and you'll snap their ribs, and they'll shit themselves. Oh, God. And that smell never gets out.

And I was like, all right, how did we get here, man? This is, it happened so fast. My dad said the most traumatizing one, they were looking for this little girl, and they pulled the suitcase out of the lake, and she was all chopped up. No way! What? But, yeah, no, she, um, and, like, he said, like, he was, like, people passed out when they, like, opened it up. Yeah, I fucking bet.

Jiminy Christmas. What? That sounds like it sucks. Does your dad get paid for this, or is it just a hobby? No, it's a hobby, yeah. Really? I was kind of joking. No, no, no, he gets not, he does not get paid for it. Just a just a hobby no it's a hobby yeah really i was kind of joking no no no he gets not he does not get paid for it just a good samaritan i guess i don't know he's crazy

that is loose yeah um all right what is this fake scar girl oh okay so and colleen like maybe you can help like explain too so there's this girl on TikTok and I feel bad even saying this because she's been getting a lot of hate and like what she's like at the end of the day she's like a 18 year old girl like whatever but she at one point like I guess you gotta see so like at one point she definitely had a scar at some point but like then you realize it was like gonna get her clout yeah like play this you could like so she has a scar on her face but like her scars obviously change and now it looks like it's like an eyebrow stamp or something that's on her like you could see at the end there but what so you guys start from the beginning and so everyone's like it's fake it has to be fake

like right this girl yeah she's known to be trolling no no no but like she's like people are like it's not trolling like people like she literally keeps trying to like convince everybody and like she did one where like she scrubs it off but she like barely scrubs and if you look really close you can kind of see it come off but like there's like you see like there i think like this is one but i don't think that she's trolling i think she's like so you say the scar is real or it's real well she's saying it's real but like it's not i don't know she's saying like that's like i would say this video does more than anything to make me think it's fake it's fake like it looks that video was crazy i mean that it just doesn't but she's like this is how it's are you want to clean like just so now i think maybe it's fake. It's fake. Like it looks, that video was crazy. I mean, it just doesn't,

but she's like, this is how it's scar. You want to clean, like, so now I think maybe it's just like a bit and she's rolling with it. But like, she keeps being like, you guys, she got famous because she has a scar.

Yeah. And then she keeps being like, guys, I was going to say, I was thinking when you said this, it was another scar girl. I've seen a different girl with a scar on. Yeah,

I know the one that goes, there's a lot of scar girls. Like, I don't know. It's like people are using for clout like on tiktok i don't know why she's got half a thousand followers i don't know uh and the piece so then like the reason why i don't think it's like a troll anymore is like she was like crying because this girl mads lewis like made this tiktok about her and like and she was like it's like people are making fun of my trauma scar or whatever but like I don't know

I don't know I don't think she's ever come out and said I think it was like something to do with I don't know but you know who's got a big scar on their face and is very embarrassed about it Tina Fey what yeah what kind of it's something like why

like I believe like she grew up like in Pennsylvania and it was like something like why? I believe she grew up in Pennsylvania, and it was something like someone sliced her face as a child. Oh, really? Yeah. Why does Miles Teller have a car accident? It was a horrible car accident. Oh, really? Oh, God.

Poor baby. Yeah, that was the reason. I think that Divergent series never finished, and it was partially because they had to delay filming because that happened to him, and then they reason, like, I think that Divergent series never finished. And it was, like, partially because they had to delay filming because that happened to him. And then they were just like, oh, I might be thinking of Dylan O'Brien. Oh. He also was in a nasty accident. So was Zac Efron.

They're going through all the hotties. Miles Teller is literally. Fuck Mary Carol. Kill those three. Oh, my God. I can't. Well, marry Miles Teller. He's all over my vision boards Are you making vision boards?

I've been making vision boards Oh I've been making vision boards Wait Whoa Whoa Whoa God damn it dude Pull them up

No Yes No No You have No Bro you can't say you have a vision board And not

Like you have it on your phone right now It's on my computer Yeah let's see it Let's like I mean Okay Cut the rest of the show. No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're just going to talk about Jackie's vision boards. I'm not going to show you my vision boards. I hope you know. You have to. Jackie, we're all making vision boards now. We have to. I'll show you. We're going to hang them up in the studio.

I'll show you one. This is so embarrassing. I want you to know, I was like doing this with friends. So it's not like it's just me dreaming by myself. So this is for real. Well, I just figured to start off the new year, sometimes you've got to

just figure out what you want. And this is a vision board. Is this made on Pinterest? Or is this like a... It's just on Photoshop. You just use it. That, I feel like you're putting more effort into it.

It's not, yeah. I love it. But it's not like... No, I'm not going to show it to you. You literally have to show it to me. No. I'll show you parts. No, show me the vision board.

What could possibly be on it that is so embarrassing? No, no, no. So, like, there's some... So, like, these are the outfits that I want. The kind of vibe I'm going for. Let me see. Don't touch it. Why do you have Hamptons on it?

Because I want to go to the Hamptons. Shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. That is so embarrassing. Get out of here. Stop. Stop. Stop. Okay, okay, okay. stop stop stop stop okay okay okay

I wanna I wanna um preface like anything else you wanna do this oh wait let's see so ski trip

this looks fun I honestly don't know what you're so embarrassed for I don't know I just this all seems like pretty solid so far. Can I at least hold it?

No, no. Ski trip? But here's the deal. I can't see any of these outfits. They're all half cut off. I know, I know. And none of them are really great outfits either. I don't know.

Oh, 400,000 followers. On TikTok. Oh, on TikTok and 200,000 on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That's what? I think that was like one of those things i didn't really want to show but uh but yeah anyway i mean that's that's i thought it's gonna be so much worse it's fine it is i i also i just don't think I think it's mediocre because I don't think you're setting the sights very high. I wasn't done with it.

That was just one. You want to go three hours east and you want to go three hours north. At some point this year, you want to travel six total hours. I'm just saying I want the vibes of of those it doesn't even have to be those trips it's just like i want and also you want some h&m clothes you are like like that vision board was this is more depressing than anything i'm working i'm working i'm working on the vision board oh my god you should jackie you canie what all done in a week a weekend dude your wildest dreams what do you hope for 2023 jackie's like to swim in the ocean

and to see snow you don't realize i did not submerge myself in water at all in 2022 there was at no point in 2022 was I in water. How is that possible? I don't know. I was never in. Maybe because I don't know how to swim very well, and so I avoid it. Yeah, it's a pretty good reason to not go in water. But normally I will submerge myself once or twice a year.

Why are you saying it like that? I don't know. I just more mean there was just at no point. It's called going in the water. I know, but I'm not thinking like – Normally I will submerge myself. I don't know why I'm using submerge, but it's just like – My point was like – I probably dipped a foot in or two, but to really submerge yourself is something different.

Did we swim when we went to my house? Yeah, but I didn't – I don't think I swam. I think it was you. Yeah don't think I saw yeah yeah you definitely did like in the morning yeah so you just didn't swim I was like I don't really feel like being in a bathing suit on the round my bosses okay um all right so what else goes on the vision board? So I'm still working on it. So you're still working on it.

So what else is there? Those are the basics. I also want, I don't know. This is why I kind of stopped with the vision board. I want, you know, more money. Money. I want... Yeah, so you're really ramping it up then.

I don't know how you're putting me on the spot. And then you're going to make fun of everything that I want in life, like how you already have. But, like, you're not... I'm not going to go to the fucking Hamptons this year. I'm not going to do a ski trip, specifically because now it's embarrassing if I go to the Hamptons. Now it's like, look at her, she's achieving her dreams.

She went to East Hampton. No, it's like, look at her, she's achieving her dreams. She went to East Hampton. But it's more like the vibe of that trip. Did you get the vibe of what I wanted from that trip? I didn't get the vibe. I don't think you have the best vision board. What would you put on your vision board? Oh, heavens. Not much, really. Oh, you talk like an 80-year-old

grandma. not much really you talk like an 80 year old what happened if I had to make a vision board what I want in 2023 probably some sold out theater shows a trip to Europe with Bert Kreischer I want this podcast millions do this.

Millions. I thought you were going to say end. So that might be me finishing your thought. If it's up to me, this podcast stops. I've been thinking of getting a car this year maybe. Just because it's such a car this year maybe. Oh. Just because it's such a pain in the ass. Like I – it doesn't make sense because I don't – I actually do leave.

I leave the city like every fucking week. I always say I don't really travel that often. But I'm never here on the weekend. I'm gone. You really never are. I'm always gone. So it might actually – like you know how much money I spend on trains? You are always on a train.

You're always in a hospital or on a train. I'm on a train. The... I mean, like, trains, because I also don't buy them. Like, people, you buy them ahead of time. But, like, it's like $250 each way. I spend, like, $500 on a train per weekend. Which, I think weeks if i go away

two weekends it probably makes sense to have a fucking car payment and a parking spot here what kind of car would you get i don't know nothing like crazy what kind of car let me think i i actually don't even know i i wouldn't i i think when i was younger i wanted an audi i can see you in a bronco in a bron not the new ones. Like an old Bronco. Old Bronco. I want like a fucking Woody. I don't know. I don't know.

Like the wood panel? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like the fucking station wagon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing with that is like, that would be dope

to keep at a house that I had or something like that. But like, that's not very realistic to drive to Massachusetts or New York multiple times a month.

That is exactly the kind of car that you would get. I totally see that. No, I want the station wagon version. Not just the... Yeah, one of these bad boys right here. Significantly less cool. From really cool to really lame. Those things are lame. That one right there. That white one. That. That one's really cool and really lame. Those things are lame.

That one right there. That white one. That's what my mom had when we were kids. Yo, is that the one where the seat faces the back of the trunk? Oh, yeah.

Dude, that's the one where, bro, that fucking... Oh, the rocket. The stop rocket, dude. Dude, we were in, like, fifth grade. Maybe even earlier.

Maybe even younger. We animated this. That can't be legal. Yeah. I was in fifth grade, I think, and I i just had my first kiss on the playground okay um and it's with this girl and let's call her savannah that's not her real name and do you really need to i don't know i always i always i never use people's real names because i don't know if they want to be in it i don't know i make up names all the time i'll make up names for like my best friends uh who are well aware that they're often in the

show sometimes um but the uh we were at a park in fall river and i actually i don't even remember who climbed up one of us climbed up one of us was sitting at the top of the slide one climbed up to kiss like no you know what it was it was yeah okay she was going down the slide and then like we like grabbed each other and then she like crawled back up so we could kiss in the slide without anyone else seeing okay and so then we get and i'm like they're very innocent wait so she was going down the slide but you we were like we were both like sitting and like we knew like our parents were there we had friends there like so it was like we can't kiss here so it's a kiss like inside the slide so it was

basically like i was like as in as it could be holding her up so we could kiss um very romantic for you huh yeah that one's really getting jacked and um and so so i and like it's that seems super innocent and like well like two kids who don't really know what they're doing because again it was our first kiss and then we get in the back of my mom's fucking crown vic whatever i have no idea what kind of car was the wood panel station wagon and uh we're sitting in the back seat because the back seats face out oh yeah yeah so you're like facing behind us and i had stomp rockets in the car. It's a toy you played with where it's just like this rocket and you stomp and it's flying up.

This yellow fucking tube, this red tip, and these little fins at the bottom. And she just looks me dead in the eye and starts sucking the stomp rocket. It's a dick. You guys made an animation of this?

I was like, what? I don't know if that one ever made it to youtube yeah and then i remember being like horrified i i didn't know what sex was we started how old were you like fifth grade but like i knew enough of what sex was where i was like i know what she's doing yeah and then like i i didn't know what age people had sex. So I was like, is she going to try and fucking do that to me right now? So I like I was so – And your mom was in the front? My mom was in the front, yeah.

And so I was so scared. We had to stop at like my dad's office to get something. So I go up into his office and coming down, I got my finger stuck in the elevator. I don't even remember what happened. I think I was just trying to play cool, like leaning on the elevator door like that. And then when it opened, I kind of just stayed on it, and my hand went into the elevator,

and I started crying my eyes out. In front of her? Right in front of her, yeah. Never had to worry about her sucking my dick. Nipped that problem in the bud real fast. Where is she now uh now i actually think she lives by where my parents i actually might have been the pandemic i was like out on a run and she was pushing a stroller and i was like dodged a bullet there um which is still

so weird to be like during the pandemic I was what 32? 32 years old Man you fucked up huh? You're a 32 year old with a baby You fucked up I think about that all the time Are you not pro-choice? Did you marry a devout man? What is happening?

Why do you have a kid? People want kids at this age. Okay. That makes sense. It's jarring to be like, oh. I remember Robin. I was like, oh, poor girl. And I was like, never mind.

I'm sure she's happy and healthy. But yeah, I think she lives by where my parents have moved. But I think she lives by where my parents used to live. At least she was walking over there one day. You go check the group chat. I just sent the stoprocket animation. Oh, God. Bro, you made her a ginger in this?

I didn't make it. My dick sucked by gingers. I didn't make it. Aren't you a ginger? I'm not a ginger. I have red hair. It's different. Yeah.

That's exactly the definition of a ginger. No, it's not. A ginger is like pale with like have red hair. It's different. Yeah. That's exactly the definition of a ginger. No, it's not! A ginger is, like, pale with, like, very red hair. I have, like, fucking, uh, first of all, I have blonde hair. Um, but it's like, I would describe my hair color as, like, Prince Harry hair, where it's like, it's a redhead, but not gross. Yeah. Nobody would ever describe you as gross. The color itself is... Okay, but he's a blatant

redhead. He is a lot more red than I thought he was. Yeah, he's a lot more red. That's a definition. There was another one down there where he... I guess this is pretty

comparable to what my color is. This man has red hair? Is that what my hair looks like? No, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. You're less red, but...

I feel like that one's pretty close. Really? That one's close, but that's still more red. You're ambiguous. I am, yeah. Got that ambiguous hair color. I'm uh racially ambiguous

alright we're going to do some ATI submissions people have sent in some new ones I think we are going to work on an ATI pack for a new one because it is still one of the best sellers in the barstool store and we are stupid and we don't promote it so let's do some ATI submissions so we have a new form to submit

am i the asshole questions uh if you want to get yours in it'll be in the link in here uh let me do the little four box thing this isn't an am i the asshole question but do you think that everybody in their life has stubbed their tail at least once what the fuck well yeah dude by the time they are five but But that's so weird that I don't know why. It's just like every single person without question. It's a shared experience that every single person is fucked up like that. Yes.

But that makes me think like the way like the world. Bro, think about how big your feet are. Think about how not used to walking you are on those fucking flippers. That's what everyone has to deal with. They'd be like, whoa, this is my peak route today. Ow, fucking kick that.

Or, ow, kick the bed frame. I mean, I stub my toe. I stub my toe once a month. But every single person. You think there's someone out there who's just so nimble and live that they. I don't know. I don't know. And that that's i do know somebody i do know no no really yes that makes me think like again like there's like some kind of code in the way of the world that everybody must stub their toe what do you watch what do you like what do you do i don't know what your simulation, your code, your –

What does this stuff mean? What do you mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? What do you mean that there's a code in an algorithm in the world? I think that the world – Or what about this? I think the whole world is an algorithm, is one algorithm.

That's like known. That's like the whatever. It's not known. The pattern, that pattern, 47. What? What? I can't think of it. What's the pattern? The're that pattern 47 what what oh i can't think of it what's the pattern the name of the like the Fibonacci sequence but it's like everything it just makes sense if everything was just like a literal coat like everything has patterns this is why

this is why we need to just... We need to limit your screen time. What? What do you... So you watch... And this is based... Back in my coding days, you kind of have to have known... Oh, God. You kind of have to have known how to code to understand it a little bit. But when you break everything down, like, it just makes sense. Like, the way that they're...

Like, everything is a pattern. Do you code or play soccer for longer? We played soccer for longer. Because they come up a lot each. Do they? No. You guys didn't even know about the coding shit. Yeah.

The coding was new. Coding was new. Okay. So in your head, there is someone in control of all this? No. It's just an algorithm. I think it's like the way – it's just an algorithm and we think of it as like if it has to be a computer. But I think it's just an algorithm, and we think of it as, like, if it has to be a computer, but I think it's just there.

And the algorithm, like, the universe is, like, the point of the universe is that this whole algorithm, every single scenario has to play out. And so right now, we're in the midst of, like, the algorithm, like, playing at every single... Is this Andrew Tate stuff? No, no. Oh, my God, I hope not. Isn't that his thing? Isn't that the Matrix?

The Matrix, yeah. The Matrix. All this is just the same. Well, he got this from me because I've had this before Andrew Tate. I've had this theory. This is. This is what the unfair thing about these theories that you people get from your TikToks. I am becoming an old man.

And I don't. No, this is like when I'm high. I like I get I understand the universe and like it makes sense. But I can't combat it. I know. That's an unfair fight. I can't. I can the universe and it makes sense. But I can't combat it. I know. That's an unfair fight. I can't be like, well, it's not. Just take my word for it.

Trust me on this one. It's right. Oh, but you can do whatever you want right now. Wouldn't the algorithm be in control of that? Wouldn't the algorithm take away free will? Yeah, but it's – yes. But it's like in this – so it's like, okay, okay. What do you think?

Like, okay, also, okay, like I also like, and I haven't fully figured out maybe there's somebody in this. Okay, I'm sorry. I know that nobody cares about this. No, I care very much. I care what goes on in this stupid ass brain. I think like we are technically robots. And like when you think about it, it's like. What do you mean we're technically?

How could we? See, you're using words that you can't use. No, no, no. You can't say we're technically robots and like when you think about it what do you mean we're technically how could we see you're using words that you can't use no no you can't say we're technically robots we're definitively not robots well i'm saying like i do think it's a simulation i just don't know if anyone's technically in control the the simulations but like when you think about it it's like you could easily code like people are like oh robots don't have emotions but like emotions are just chemical whatever's in your brain so you go like if stub my toe equals sad you know like then like if stub my toe then coding camp was a waste of money it feels like i'm trying to bring it down you know but so then so then it's just like it's like at the end of the day so it's like we just we're all

just these like machines and like we think that we have free will but like really we're just like all it's all part of a code and it's like oh i want but see they think like i do have free will if i can do what i want right now you don't you don't know yes i can't because you think that you don't but it's like but i can but it's like it's like everything up until this point is leading you to be like to do this like oh like i have hand motions because at some point you saw something when you were younger it made you want to like have hand motions that like whatever like this i hate my hand motions okay well your body doesn't because you do them so it's like what do you mean you hate your hand motion i don't like how i do that so maybe that

i guess that might be an argument that's pro you yes yes exactly because you're it we're robots and then and it's like like even like picking coffee and, like, or this tea and drinking, I don't know why. Whatever, and drinking it, it's like, because I'm thirsty, you know? So it's like, like, it's just like everything happens because of something previously before. And so it's like you take in, the same way a computer takes in information to have the next step is the same way that we take in information. It's like, it's exactly how it's like we go to sleep. We operate the same as computers. We go to sleep. What computer program had me do that?

Was it worth it? Was it worth it? I think so. i'm soaking wet i think like maybe you're like a mist some kind of bug happened with you but like you're an antivirus coming yeah that was so alarming i got so concerned I was like is he okay

anyways it's just I don't know how I feel like you're going to keep trying to do things to prove it like it's not whatever but yeah that's my theory okay I think I justproved it.

Because everything is like up until that point, you're programmed to be a dick. And so then you're going to do that to prove your theory. My theory is I can do what I want. No, you can't. Bro, I just did it. Did you really want to do that? I did want to do that. Are you happy that you did that?

I am not sad that I did it. Okay you really want to do that i did want to do that you're happy that you did that i am i i am not sad that i did it okay whatever anyways i'm shocked you haven't joined a religious cult you're just describing religion oh i i i think like um if i if i kept doing drugs i would absolutely like really have a psychotic this is what I was saying before. I would have a psychotic break and join a cult. I'm one acid trip away from joining... Which cult? Any of them. Whoever takes me first. You come to me with a cult, I'm going to join your cult.

I don't know. Would you join a religious cult or like I guess all cults in America are kind of yeah you kind of just described God but as a computer oh you didn't realize you were doing that

oh no I didn't oh okay I was gonna say at some point I thought you'd be like yeah I know you fucking idiot. Oh, no. I'm not like a big, but maybe I just agree. Whatever.

Whatever. I don't know. Okay. I'll end up in cold in the next five years. All right. We'll do the ATIs now. If you had a belly button or if your belly button was a candy dispenser what would be the best and worst thing that it could dispense well there'd be nothing bad i mean i guess i guess

like fucking malted milk balls yeah right i mean those but you don't want like sugar because it's like the same thing with sand where you got dust everywhere like sand part sugar part oh no i'd just deal with it yeah you would like would. Like, honestly, anything... That's probably how you live now with, like, the Starbucks kids in your bed. Oh, tons of sugar everywhere. Yeah, it's disgusting. You're probably very exfoliated. You think so?

Like, roll around in bed at night? The, uh, anything... Malted milk balls would be bad. Anything chocolate would be bad. Yeah, anything chocolate would melt. Not even melt, it's just, like, it looks like you're shitting out of your belly button. Yeah. If you were just dispensing candy bars, people would be like, he's shitting out of his belly button into his hand.

It's crazy. If I had Sour Patch Kids, you'd be like, all right, that's a Swedish fish would be nice. That's a little cleaner. Yeah. What's something that's kind of better? Twizzler would be nice. What's that? Twizzler would be kind of nice.

No, Twizzler looks like you're pulling out a fucking organ. Looks like you're pulling out an intestine. Yeah, but it fits like perfectly right in so it is yeah i don't want to get my whole stretch your belly button doesn't fucking recoil it's like i have a gaping belly button. Dude, speaking of that... How do you have anything to say speaking of that? I was watching fucking... I was watching fucking New Girl

the other day, and there's a line where I was like, what is he even talking about? It's Winnie the Bish. Where is it? I definitely have it somewhere here. There's so many videos of me in this fucking jockstrap.

Here it is. Boom. Okay. You were sending him to Kevin. Dude, so this is after Winnie the Bish is... He's training to be a cop. Okay? When he's training to be a cop, so this is after Winnie the Bitch is – he's training to be a cop. Okay? So when he's training to be a cop, so he's exercising a lot. And this is before they go to the wedding episode.

And, you know, they're sex fisting their way through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And – Now, Winston, please. I can't close my ass. I can't close my ass. I can't close my ass I can't close my ass I can't close my ass he says What does that

What does that mean Wait wait wait can you explain the contact line You haven't seen it I don't think I have He's been exercising And he He falls off the couch There's a thud

And he goes I'm alright I just rolled off the couch. There's a thud. And he goes, I'm all right. I just rolled off the couch. Please. Please. What does I can't close my ass mean? I don't know. That's one of those that doesn't mean anything. It can't.

It's going to bother me now. There's no other way to hear I can't close my ass and think of anything other than in open ass. Which is another fucking phrase. Maybe it was a hernia thing. Hemorrhoid. Path to research history must just be. It's insane when it pops up. All of my algorithms are so fucked because of this podcast.

Like, I can't close my ass. I don't know what you mean aside from your ass is open. Getting anything over that? I'm getting nothing. 27 new girl moments. It is funny that you're saying, oh, no, you did type in new girl. Type in I can't close my ass WebMD. And then see

and then type in just i can't close my ass so this is rectal rectal prolapse this is rectal prolapse okay oh the uh you guys wanted me to click on images i i've seen them i don't care for them i've seen them they they kind of come up on me they surprise you in a show and well put that back in there i don't know if i want to see it what is it oh you oh you don't want to see it well i mean it's it's not i mean it's not good pink sock oh yes it's not oh you got safe search on um the uh the yeah it is like one of the first things i can't close my eyes uh the um what was gonna say this reminds me of i was i forget this porn star's name and and i was reading interview with her which is a fucking what's dangerously horny moment

just reading porn star interviews it's like dude you need to get your life together it's a long it's a long time ago it's just like like it's like not even like having a porn on the podcast this is like back in the day like q a like typed out here's the question here's the answer shit and and she was describing rectal prolapse in the way what interview were you reading? dude I forget her fucking name dude I have to find it I will try and find it after this show but it is

she was talking about first of all it was so fucking awesome she was talking about how she was talking about licking rectal prolapses which was that was dastardly is it like a something that comes out?

It looks like your intestine. Like your organs are coming out of your body. Bonnie Rotten? It's not Bonnie Rotten. I didn't know I was going to think of that one. Who, by the way, who, by the way, bro, Bonnie Rotten is married to Jesse James.

Yeah, I saw that recently. I was shocked by that. Who's Sandra Bullock's ex-husband. No. So Sandra. Sandra's throwing down. Dude, Jesse James went from married to fucking Sandra. He cheated with that chick, Kat Von D or whatever, the tattoo artist.

So you knew he had some itches he liked to scratch holy shit he's married to bonnie right now and then they got divorced and not divorced on the same day so i don't know if they're actually together or whatnot but you know maybe he divorced sandra because he needed more it could be sure he was he was weird when he was married to sandra bullock which made this make sense he was like a well-known thing i didn't i figured he was married to Sandra Bullock, which makes sense, he was like a well-known thing. I figured he was dead, to be totally honest. But yeah, now he's married to fucking Bonnie Rotten, dude. But anyway, this other porn star who I was reading the interview on said it's like licking raw meat which is not it is really not a uh a selling point but then the way she was talking about like being an anal porn star was just the funniest thing in

the world where she was just like she's like i know i'm gonna have to wear a diaper by the time i'm 50 but like i'm just about it for love of the game like i just like i know i don't care it's like listen it's like if you talk to like fucking brian cushing who's like i know i'm gonna have cte but like i'm out here fucking snapping necks and cashing checks i'm living what i like to do what i like to do and and i feel like god what was her name it began with an a it definitely began with a check no no no no no i'm. Was it Chechik? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just Googling like anal porn star. You've talked about this before.

Yeah. I remember you saying the diaper thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's not one you forget. God. August Ames? No.

I mean, you're perfect for her then. You have diapers. I do. I mean, one day I'll stumble upon her and I'll be like, oh, yeah, that's who I met. But I'll never be able to find this. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just looking at porn right now.

Next answer to that question. We'll do three of these with the three voicemails. We'll get the fuck out of here. Would you rather every time you sneeze you cum or every time you fart you get a Charlie horse? What? I feel like one of these is a good thing, one of these is a bad thing. Yeah, one of these is very good. Yeah, what? Yeah, I'm opting to fucking cum every time I sneeze.

Agreed. Do you get the orgasm? Isn't that what they say? I think we used to say all the time when we were kids, like, on the school bus. That, like, a sneeze is, like, one-eighth of an orgasm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, what was it? The knee thing?

The knee thing, yeah. It's, like, one-sixteenth or something like that? Yeah. I get it, man. I get it, because that shit feels good. I've done three, four, five. I'll just do 16. Imagine I hit 16, and I'm like...

I gotta go. But I think your knee's too tight. I don't think my knee has that feeling. You know how doctors hit the knee? You're talking reflexes. I never get reflexes. I don't think my knees have any. You don't have reflexes?

I don't know. my knees have any. You don't have reflexes? I don't know. What a weird twist. It's just only upper body reflexes. That's a tough thing for a soccer player. That's why I didn't end up being very good. Yeah, this is, I mean, I fart all the time. I would hate to have – Wait, what was the second one? 20 charley horses a day.

Bro, if I had a charley horse every time I farted, I'd have a permanent limp. Gosh. My only thought is allergy season is going to be a mess. Yeah, I mean like it is – it's not all good. I don't sneeze that often. Yeah, and there's also – you can stop sneezes. You just look in the light. No, you look in the light and I don't sneeze that often. Yeah. And there's also, you can stop sneezes. You just look in the light. No, you look in the light and it makes you sneeze.

Oh. That's the exact opposite. And if you want to come, then look in the light. I feel like you just didn't tell anyone. You just walked around and you had a feather you'd always tickle your nose with. Yeah. Why are you always doing that? Don't worry about it.

That can be good, though, if you can't finish. You can't finish. You bring some feathers. Just open a pillow. You bang a line of fucking pepper. Hang on, hang on. I'm almost there. Yeah, that's a pretty simple one.

I can't even think of the pro. Yeah. Again, I would be like Kaiser Soze. I would just have this limp at all times. If I fart, if I got a chariot horse

and I farted. And then I would, and also farting's so fun that like, the enjoyment you'd take away from, like we'd be like, oh man,

you know, you get jacked up, you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna fart. And then you'd be like, oh man, the second I do this,

it's gonna feel like I got shot in the leg. That is not ideal. You know what i was thinking though please don't yeah yeah this is i was thinking about this when i was i was driving i drove to vermont by myself i drove home by myself and like i don't know man like you're in the car sometimes i ate wendy's and m ate McDonald's. And like, you just gotta fart. Wait, what? That's the end of the thought? No, no, no, no. But like, I was driving.

I'm on a highway. I was like. Like, when chicks are alone, are you fucking farting? I'm not answering any questions. Why not, then? I don't. Yeah, I got one question. Do bitches be farting? I'm not answering.

Come on, answer it. I'm not having these conversations. I'm not doing it. Bitches are like, I'm going to fart. You guys have to. You guys fart. You guys be farting. No, we don't, right?

We never do. Don't give me this nonsense. Like, fucking sometimes you you want to uncork one can we read the next question no put it on the vision board jackie big boofs in 2023 i'm cutting that out if i if if that's not in here You're in trouble I'll actually I'll nip this in the bud Paz can I get a clip of that I was going to say

I could just take that part out too It would be really weird When the clip goes down I remark it Yeah Paz Clips are pretty easy so far today Ghost rape Vision board And do bitches be farting I remarked it. Yeah, pass. Clips are pretty easy so far today. Ghost rape, vision board, and do bitches be farting.

Martin Luther King. Come on. Thank you. Come on. Jackie's elementary school. Everything. No, no. All right. Last ATI.

All right. Would you rather swim out to save your unconscious friend bleeding in shark-infested waters or go see a movie, maybe get popcorn? Wait, wait. Go see a movie, maybe get popcorn. Well, I don't understand. These are both like...

It's just, would you risk your life to save your friend in unconscious waters or instead go to a movie and maybe go to a movie? Oh, I see. I see. I see. I'm just saying leaving the friend to die. Yeah.

Yeah. They're still drowning with the shark, but they're bleeding in shark-infested waters or you go enjoy a movie. I do like a multiplex right next to the water. That is good. Yeah. Jackie? My biggest fear, I've said this, is losing a leg. I don't know why.

It is just I can't. I'm afraid that at some point I'm going to lose my right leg. And it's always been a fear of mine. It's a specific leg. It's specifically like drive. It haunts me. And shark attacks is obviously the number one way to lose a leg. I don't think that's true at all.

I don't know. I bet shark attacks are not even top 50 ways to lose a leg. It's up there. It's up there. It's really not. How many shark attacks do you think they were this year? I would go with six. Six, right?

How many do you think they ate one leg? I bet zero. I bet zero people lost a leg to a truck this year. In America. I don't know. Nowhere else really counts. How many construction workers? That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. How about loggers? I don't want to talk about this. Car accidents. Diabetes will get you. Sure. Oh, diabetes. That's probably a good one.

The point is, I don't want to put my limbs in any kind of harm. You said that with such confidence. And the number one way to lose a leg, obviously. It's up there. It's up there. It's where the limbs are for the taking the most from animals. I disagree with that again. I think it's...

Because you're always on your legs. So like a bear, you can't really... Dog, more likely to get... Dog. 100%. I bet more dogs take legs than sharks. What kind of dog would have to be a huge dog? You have nothing to say to that.

You have nothing to say to that. Yeah, yeah, pass. I'm going to go ahead and say zero dogs ate legs this year. I bet 100 people lost their legs to a dog this year. No way, bro.

No way. You're saying they lost their leg to the dog. If you say they got bit by a dog, that's a horse of a color. Their leg is damaged, nerve damaged because of a dog bite. Now you're changing it up. You think that's zero sharks But 100 dogs Well there's so many more dogs 4.5 million people were bitten by dogs

That's a different thing Six people were bitten by sharks How are they tracking that? What? Yeah And then rabies Do you think you lose a leg to rabies? I would get rid of it

I'd get rid of it Rab I'd get rid of it. Rabies, it just makes you scared of water. I feel like Cavs doesn't know what we're talking about. If you have rabies, you die. That's it. You die? Yeah. Oh.

I was going to say, isn't that like... If you have rabies, you die. I think no one has ever survived rabies. If they get you with the antidote. We're making a lot of very vast statements right now. I don't know if that's true. Again, I'm not talking about like there is like the fucking antidote. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, if you don't get treated. But if you got rabies, you die. Yeah, I think that's true. I've got four accounted for legs lost this year. On what? 2018, 2021, and 2013. I got 21. 21.

When you say, what year do you think it is? It's 23. Also, you said 100. I was joking. I was joking. I'll say this. I don't think it's 100, but I think more people have lost their legs to dog bites this year. But I don't think – I feel like when we first said this, you were trying to argue that the dog ate the leg.

I think maybe there's an infection that happens and the leg has to be taken off by doctors. I think zero dogs have eaten legs this year. That's what those people were like. You don't want to help you on your side. He's just going to weaken it. I got two voicemails. Hey, what's up boys? So what a, what a story. I mean, it was 2018. I was about to get my haircut.

I was listening to the Pat McAfee show and you guys were on the show. And I remember thinking, all right, these guys are hilarious. I'm definitely have to check them out. So it's been five years and there's really only two things that I've been consistent with. And one is I listened to KFC radio and two, I haven't cut my hair since, uh, but that is until now. So I'm getting ready to do it cut it all off I'm gonna donate it of course and you know locks of love or something like that but I want your guys's thoughts ideas on how I should do it so one idea I had was I thought about starting like a go fund me and where all the money will go to charity um and i'll give it like a month and at the end of that month

whoever's donated the most amount of money i will go to wherever they're at and i will let them cut my hair and they can either buzz it or shave it or give me a mohawk or whatever the fuck they want to do um but they've got at least 15 inches off so that way I can, you know, donate it still. Uh, but yeah, I think something like that would be really cool. I'm gonna raise some money and like, I understand that nobody actually gives a fuck about me cutting my hair, but it's like, it's taken me five years to do it. And you guys unknowingly have been in the background of it all, uh, through all the gay jokes and all of the people telling me I look like I'm a homeless. And I've been called Jesus like 17,000 times.

Despite the fact that I'm Jesus. Yeah, I was. What's the drop 13? Whatever. So let me know what you guys think. If it's a good idea or if I should just, you know, go to sport clips and grow the fuck up and cut it. So if that's the case, that's fine. But thank you guys for the past five years and look forward to the next.

Well, we very much appreciate listening. We very much be a part of this journey. And the reason we actually showed this clip today is because we reached out to him and we said you will match. No, you didn't. Shut the fuck up. No, you didn't. I'm not doing that. You just came up with that.

You're just – so you're anti-charity. No! So for today, we've discovered Jackie. Not discovered, but just on the record. Jackie, a ghost sexual assault victim who is anti-MLK, anti-God, and anti-charity. I jumped on that list. I'm pro-MLK.

Well, not when you were in middle school. I thought I was in middle school I'm kidding beautiful head of hair and I think that I like what he's doing with the charity thing I will not match it anti-charity oh I will how much will you donate to him?

Now you just put me in an uncomfortable position. Sure did. Two inches. Three inches. You'll cut off three inches? It doesn't mean anything because you can't donate three inches of hair. You could donate three inches of hair. To who?

Somebody who wants a three-inch of hair wig. Okay, so you'll donate it to a KFC radio listener. You will send three inches of your hair to a KFC radio listener. You will send your three inches of your hair to a KFC radio listener. Yeah, but now I'm like, I can get some money out of that. So now it's kind of like I'm losing money on that. You're definitely losing money on that deal.

Like, now you put me in such an uncomfortable... Sure. If a KFC radio listener wants three inches of my hair, I'll send it to you. I will i think i don't know i don't know how i just get swindled into that i have no idea i don't know what i was gonna say to this i just started to start decided to start talking i was like i don't know how you answer a question like that again like i'm very happy as a listener i think the gofundme idea is nice i don't know uh i do think gofundme has kind of of – I think people kind of roll their eyes at GoFundMes now.

Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Maybe it's because we get them tweeted at us so often that it is like you can't donate to everyone. I don't know. Maybe GoFundMe is still – Now I'm invested in his. I want to know who he ends up – But also, what if someone – let's say he does this.

We retweet it. He sounded like he was a southern man, southern gentleman. Let's say he lives in Indiana. What if someone from California is the highest donor? He's going to fly to California so someone can cut his hair? That seems like a waste of funds, funds that are better off going to this charity. I think when you ask a national

podcast you open yourself up to quite a predicament yeah that is true international podcast dude actually how many fucking countries are we in it was insane it's an insane amount it was like last year we listened to in like 180 countries yeah are any of them tropical tropical i actually was texting kevin about that over the break, where I was like, we could just go to Australia and just do like, we wouldn't make any money on it, but we could pay for the trip. Yeah. Foreplay did that.

Well, theirs was completely sold, but they did like a whole week in Australia at one point. Oh, I forgot about that. It was fucking sick. They've done it right. That put out my vision board for 2023. I'm going to fucking start golfing. Awesome.

I'm going to sell so much KFC Radio Sad Boy golf merch. I'll be your caddy. Oh yeah, Pabst is a caddy. What did you say? He's a caddy boy. I don't know what you call them.st was a caddy. Caddy boy. What did you say? He was a caddy boy. Caddy boy? I don't know what you call them.

Caddy. Caddy. No, we've said it a couple times. All right. Last one. Voicemail, then we can go home. I'll caddy for you. What's up, guys?

You'll caddy? I'll caddy boy. Okay. I, in the same way as John and Jackie. I hate being wet. I can't. You can't put a wet towel on my bed. I can't put clothes on until I'm completely dry.

That's the opposite. John walks around naked. Jackie just walks around in a towel. I lay my towel on the floor. And I will lay on the floor playing on my phone until i'm dry enough that i can put my clothes on so i guess we're all idiots we're all just learning how to die that's one that i didn't think about that's a good one so i want to know maybe it's cutting that's the issue i'll say thisret dumping water on myself.

I have been unnecessarily wet for this whole show. I'm happy about that. I get wet on this show a lot, be it from my own sweat or what. This is the first time that it's – I'm going to catch a cold on this show. I'll say that. It is – I am – my nips rock hard right now. Everything is cold. I'm kind of shivering.

So, yeah. Yeah, that. I'm kind of shivering. So yeah. Yeah, that's another thing added to the list. Always on a train, always in a hospital, always wet. Always wet. John Feinberg. It is the – Yeah, I feel like my body doesn't dry the same as everyone else. I completely agree.

I think that like – Particularly my undercarriage. OK. I'm chilling in that area, but like... Bro, I fucking... I dry... I dry, dry and dry it.

I'm like, all right. This is crazy. We can't put underwear on wet again today. What are you doing to try and dry it? Use the towel, Jackie. What do you think I'm doing?

I mean, and I've said this before. I don't always do it, but I've stepped it up where I'll fucking sometimes blow dry. That's the way you get it done. You just get blow dried. It's fucking.

But it is. It doesn't make any sense how wet I always am. Because it's like it's not really sweat. No, I think that my like my body just absorbs. I think like we're like part sponge not like part sponge but like our skin is spongier than most you think so and we absorb water i i don't know about that also look how fucking pale i am right now i think it's because i'm so cold my hands are going like i got like blue spots on them from that water i think so well maybe you shouldn't have been a

dick and done that maybe you shouldn't have been wrong about free will. I had to prove free will to you. You didn't prove it, though. You just spilled water on yourself and now you're cold. I did prove it. I wanted to do that. I did that. I know, but because you think your mind, everything.

No, this is the problem with your stupid argument is that I can't win it because you just. I know because I'm right, maybe. No, not because you're right, maybe, because you're making something. It's a false. Then you can't prove it because you just... I know because I'm right maybe. No, not because you're right maybe. Because you're making some... It's a false... Then you can't prove them wrong. So maybe... I know that's the problem with the argument. You can't just say...

It is... I don't know how to argue this anymore. It's on you. I feel like we're on the same page now. No, we're not. Wait, wait, wait. It is on you to prove that there is such a thing as... It's much like the God thing.

It's on fucking religious people to prove to me there is a God. It's on you to prove to me there is such a thing as it's much like the god thing it's on fucking religious people to prove to me there's a god but it's on you to prove to me there's an algorithm doesn't it just make sense like just again think about it it makes sense if we're just code and we're robots it doesn't make it actually it makes the exact opposite there's studies have been done that says it's more likely that we are in a simulation than not in a simulation. Are these TikTok studies or real studies? Yeah, where is this study? No. I've been seeing the studies myself, but I've heard that they're in studies.

I know that something's out there. You know what's funny is like earlier you were saying like be confident in yourself and stuff like that. This just – you're not giving yourself any credit for anything you do by saying it's all simulation. Well, I actually kind of feel like i like it because it's like it's like when all the good blame the bad on simulation yeah but like it's like well what can i do i don't know i don't know i haven't like fully thought it through yet but like oh if there was a simulation you would have known to lay down on the panel you can control i think i don't i haven't i haven't thought it through like i obviously don't have all the answers of the universe but i just think that there's something there and our brain our brains

are too small to like understand it now when i'm high i can understand it but right now my like sober brain can't explain it to you i'll i'll get back to you on this okay all right we'll get back to you that's the end of today's episode see you thursday សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.