KFC Radio - Jackie Recaps Her Helmet Date Ft. Sam Tallent

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

Our first ever episode in our new studio... which just so happens to look like everyone else's studios. Regardless, it's the beginning of a new era. Additionally, Jackie recaps her helmet date while the guys recap the latest topics in the news such as Kanye West saying he likes the Jews again after watching 21 Jump Street, AI built Pope Francis which drip, and much more. Sam Tallent also joins us for a great interview, and he certainly lives up to his last name. ++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:01:40 We're in a new studio 00:09:05 Jackie's Helmet Date 00:27:48 Love is Blind 00:31:14 The Boston Strangler 00:39:31 Kanye West says he likes Jews again 00:50:46 Pope Francis got drip? 01:04:13 Video Voicemails 01:30:22 Sam Tallent Interview ++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply) Pirate Water: Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near youYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yes, the Woza Boys in the building, baby. New podcast name. It's finally April, which means it's time for KFC Radio to go back on the road live. We bring the whole gang out. We're going to hit multiple theaters and clubs all over the country. We are going to head to Texas on April 26th, 27th, and 29th. It's in Houston, Dallas, and Austin.

And then for May, we're coming back to the East Coast. We're going to be at the Wilbur on the 12th in Boston and then in Stanford, Connecticut on the 14th. So if you are in Texas or in the Northeast, we're coming your way. Get your tickets now. It's a fucking good's a good time i think we've got everything figured out now this is our first real tour where we have everything down we know what we're doing it's brought to you by pirate water so a ton of pirate water will be in

the building so not only is your chance to see us live it's your chance to get some pirate water for the first time have yourself a pirate water night get pegged with KFC Radio Live. On stage. On stage, get pegged. I'm getting pegged on stage. And we really don't know which one that means. We will find out what he's talking about. So get your tickets and shout out to Pirate Water for making it happen. If you've seen the show already, it's a new show. Yeah, you can always come out for more. Things are always going to be different.

So get your tickets now. Anywhere on KFC Radio, social media, you can find the ticket link. Get your tickets today. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network in our brand new home. Right next door, this is the new spot. I'm trying to think of how many places I've now done KFC Radio. I think it's up to like 10. Really?

I did it in my apartment on 89th street and my bedroom was the very first spot i then did it in hoboken from shay's nursery i did it from uh my brother's basement i did it from my mom's basement i did it from that midtown spot that i used to just rent out space i did it from kf Radio 1, 2, and now 3. And I'm sure there's a couple more in there, just along the way that I'm forgetting. That's a fucking lot. Yeah.

At least eight spots of like, not just, we've done one-offs here and there, but spots I consistently went to. I don't even remember the name of that spot in Midtown I rented. It was called Midtown Studios or some shit. But yeah, and every single spot i was oh not like when i was in the nursery i was like this fucking sucks but any studio that we ever moved into i was like this is amazing so looking back to like the first studio in the

old office like that place sucked yeah it was a conference room with a couple all of them are just like nice until one other person comes in yeah like this sucks and you're like oh okay you're right it's my bad also this will be ruined in like 10 minutes i was gonna say it's nice until a week when like this place is just filled with like farts and crumbs and like somebody's gonna spill pirate water and there's just gonna be sticky shit everywhere like you know what's funny i said i was like oh this is great it's double the size double the air conditioning it's brighter and i was like it's clean i was like no it's not no because it's this is just a dirty it's a literal dumpster off camera if you look out there there's just a pile of shit uh but it's also not like physically clean because this just used to be another room that other barstool people were using yeah it's not like it's a new room it's just a new

spot for us but we're just coming into someone else's filth. Yeah. It was a little less used, so it's not as filthy. It's very brutalistic. You got cement floors over here. We turned it into a happy home. Yeah. That looks like everyone else's. I know.

We said we wanted an old school 70s basement type of vibe. And then in the time that it took to get this done, like Ian Fidance made his studio look like that. Chris DeStefano has an entire TV show and TV set about it. The Garbage Boys did it. Everyone we work with, we now look exactly the same. No, no. We made it.

This is – I don't give a shit if that's the case. This is a very necessary upgrade in space and and whatever from the old place you know you gotta like you gotta you gotta like too much shit went down in there like i mentioned you gotta like purge you know yeah yeah that's why like as much as as much as i like i hate moving like apartments like sometimes like oh remember when that happened in that place i gotta get away from that shit you know what i mean so like that studio had i don't do that you just stay put simmer yeah you just sit and wallow over there i mean i getting out of my last apartment i never really believed in that shit until i got out of my last apartment and i was like oh i feel like i

got out of prison dude really oh yeah that's i that was my that was my divorce house and i'm like not planning on it maybe i will what getting it supposed to move i think my lease is up next month oh really yeah oh okay and you're thinking you're not gonna go that's a whole thing it's a whole thing i get that but i i remember saying like this is my my post-divorce, single dad, like, crack house. And I'm not going to get anything long-term or nice right now because I don't have my money yet. So I was just like, we are buckling up and just, like, you know, batting down the hatches for the next five years. Which in my head I was like, yo, that's like five years you look back on your life. Like, oh, from like 30 to 35 I did that thing.

It's not a big deal. When you're in the middle of five fucking years, that's a long time. Yeah. When you consider that at that point our careers were like 10 years long, that's like 50% of your career here again. I remember I only went there once, I think, and I would walk in and go, yeah, you should probably move. It was.

It was. It was just like. The only place I was going to get a true three-bedroom for even remotely the price and remotely like that area. And my family friend was like, here, you can have it for like a discount. But that's just who we are too in the sense that like it could be nice. Like everything. It could have been nice. You could do it.

Everything in my life for that last five years was like I'm not going to put all this effort into something that I know I'm going to change and upgrade. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Like I know I'm going to be able to – it's not like maybe I will, maybe I won't. It's like in five years, I will be able to get the fuck out of here. But the answer to that is like because five years is a long time. Five years is a long time. So sitting in like a shitty place that's not decorated and not made to make sense logistically and all that shit,

I was like, oh, probably should have done that because the last four and a half years would have been a little more enjoyable. But we'll see how long this new studio lasts. We got the bar over there for Jackie and Pav, so they're no longer just crammed into a corner. This is like their studio. Not much changes for us. We got like a couch now we can kind of lay down. They also – the tech guys, Andrew and them, are thrilled to show us this. This, you would have thought, was like splitting an atom.

They were like, look, dude, the mic can come off. I don't even know how to do it. You gotta pull this little thingy here. Pull this up? Down. And then pull out. I figured it out. Because we have a tendency to be like, fuck life, I wanna die. And lay down and shit. So it is a nice feature,

but you also, you would have thought they told me, this is revolutionary, he's gonna change the world. But for the most part, you would have thought they told me, like, this is revolutionary. He's going to change the world. But for the most part, it's like the same for us. But for Jackie and Pavs to no longer be literally just like, go sit in that corner over there. It was never like, hey, this is where you guys sit. It was like, I don't know, find some space in the studio. We found out last week that we could have just moved their wall out, their bench out,

and given them another foot of room, and it wouldn't have bothered anything. They've just been like squished behind there. There was also a period of time where I didn't even know if we were going to like these guys. I don't even know who these people are. I told you earlier, the first six months I sat on like a,

I don't even know what it was. It was a shelf. Get away. Sit on that shelf over there and look at the wall, you losers. So, but yeah,

big things. New spot. New era. New York is about to, you know, about to pop off. So, it's good.

It's a... Are these new microphones? Nah. I was going to lick it. No. I don't think so. Ugh! I don't even care about the dirty.

I care about the texture of that. Didn't that make your tongue dry? No, not really. Sponged it up. Disgusting. We got Sam Talent on the show today. Hilarious comedian. He opened up for us when we were in Denver.

He went on the road with Tim Dillon for a year and a half, a.k.a. like a tour of duty. So that guy's got stories for days and is one of the funniest guys in the game right now. We'll get into voicemails, all that shit. We'll do a little one-minute man. We gotta get to Helmet Girl. Jackie's big

date and weekend with a helmet. It's up there on the Wall of Fame. Forever enshrined. We're thinking about making it like a consistent thing, like if other people continue to fuck up, you have to put the helmet on and go out for the day. Pabst could fuck up. Pabst could fuck up. Maybe.

I'm hoping. I actually hope that Pabst does because a guy wearing it. Like as much as it's funny, I know you got away with it. Girls can just like go on a date. It's like cute and funny. You dress up nice otherwise and it's like whatever. You're still hot. You have a helmet on.

I don't care. I bet. If you're a girl on a date with a guy and he shows up in a helmet, it's like, nope. We went to buy at UNT. We were at lunch afterwards and I carried it back. We bought it on 22nd and 7th. We work on 28th and 7th. In that walk, I took it for a test drive to see what

she was in for. In my walk back, six blocks, I had two separate people to go to special needs. I'm guessing that was more than Jackie wearing it for a full week. Yeah, yeah. Many people thought I was special needs. Oh, really? It looked – I mean, I thought you were special needs before the helmet.

What was like the worst experience you had with that? I mean, the first five minutes of the date. Take us through the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, let's go back to the very beginning. Like work ends on Thursday. And I'm like getting ready for the date. And I'm like –

Actually, even before that, Gaz's tweet was funny. He said he walked past Jackie in a helmet. He just didn't react. He was just like, I don't know, Jackie in a helmet. That makes sense. There was a concerning amount of people who didn't react. Well, Barstool, you never know. It it's just like whatever that's for a video or something the more time i like walk by it's great yeah so so work was not really that weird people

were just kind of like whatever i mean it was it was like definitely there was like people like laughing and snickering as i was walking by like it didn't feel great but they because like it was at first like there wasn't that many reactions and then like as people were like, okay, it's day two and she's still wearing the helmet. Yeah, what's going on? Then people started kind of questioning it. Yeah. And it felt pretty awkward. It was just like when you have a helmet on your head, you're so painfully aware that you have a helmet on your head.

You said your neck was getting tired. And my neck was getting fucking tired. And like I – I mean I actually like – it's in my head, but my neck is bigger this week. I think I just – I feel like I actually like it's in my head but my neck is bigger this week I feel like I look like a man her neck's jacked up from wearing a fucking like 10 ounce helmet for three days anyway so then like getting ready for the day

I was like I can't do this like every single time I just try on like every single outfit I'll like show them like a video later I try on every single outfit I was like trying to like push up my boobs being like this has to distract From the helmet right Everything like To be like

It can't be Jackie's the only girl To go on a date And be like My tits are down here My face is up here Look down here pal And so then like

And I was just like I was just like I know myself And like I'm already such an awkward person I know I'm not gonna be able To play this off well Like somebody else Might be able to play this off like i know i don't know i don't

know if there's any way to play this off other than just be like the first five minutes of the truth were so painfully awkward it was like i walk in and again i'll show the video later i was like i like choked and i was like because i was late so it's like sorry i forgot my helmet and then he was like he was like okay he was like okay and then he was like yeah it's um a nice helmet and i was like thank you um there's just like a lot of construction on my street i just want to be safe or whatever and then like you rolled with it i love it no and i had to roll with it and so then and then he could tell i was recording so i stopped the video but i wish i'd kept the video going because it was just us like I just want you guys to try and carry on

a conversation with somebody who's clearly wearing a helmet. I'm not aware I'm wearing a helmet. He's aware I'm wearing a helmet but he's trying to be so nice and like I could just tell. It was so awkward.

Wait, so you have this first video? I have the first like 30 seconds of it. Yeah, send it to Paz put it on the screen. Oh my god, it's going to be like it's like a long time.

It's like me really Yeah, I'll drop it. So you did not I thought it's going to be like, it's like a long time. It's like me really, yeah, I'll drop it. So you did not, I thought you were going to be like, maybe like for the first 10 seconds, be like, yeah, no, I just wear helmets. And then be like, here's the deal. You know, I work and- I carried it on for like five minutes because I was like- That is an eternity.

No, it's five minutes when you're doing CPR. It's like, it feels like it's like 30 minutes or whatever in like helmet time. And so it was – Helmet time. It's like dog years. Helmet time. And – oh, God. I can't even – I can't watch this video.

I can't watch this video. So were you like – how were you filming? Oh, I guess we'll see. But were you like filming him? I'm filming myself and then I have that small camera in my tits. Because it was facing him. Could you see that? He was like, this girl's wearing a helmet, and she's got a camera in her tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then he was, sorry, sorry. But it's like a whole minute long. It's like, just go to the end. That's not that small of a camera. If you're talking about the Osmo Pocket. I know, and then the whole night he was joking. He was like, I didn't see it, because I'm a gentleman. That dude right away was like, this dude has big tits and apparently a camera in him.

But then I could tell that he was starting to notice I was filming. So I immediately turned off. But God, if there were those five minutes, you guys would be like, I can't watch this. Were you filming you or him? Well, the tits camera was filming him. Right, right, right, right, right. But then later I was like, I won't do anything with that was i he actually doesn't know it was filming him but so i might take that out because i don't know i'm gonna start it right here no no it's only a minute

we can play the whole fucking thing no no because it's just me like i know jack this is why we're playing the full minute i just like it's so awkward that's very fuzzy uh you have a good we can't hear this you guys You guys can't hear that? You guys can't hear. Change your audio routing. I know. I know. We try to figure it out. It's fine. You guys. It's fine. I'll just Oh my god. Oh my god. Hold up. One second. Where'd you go?

Automatic Slims. Is that like what kind of place is that? It's like a casual bar. So I was like Oh man. It would have been great if it was like fucking white tablecloth dinner wait I can't know you guys it's all gonna be so cringe. This is amazing. I'm getting the camera off. I'm sorry, man.

I'm so sorry about it. I can't fucking do it. I can't fucking do it. I can't fucking do it. And he was so cute. It's fine. And he was so cute, I saw him. This is amazing. Hi!

Hello! Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find my helmet. Yeah, thank you, thank you. There's like so much construction on the street, so it's just safer for me to find my helmet. Yeah, thank you, thank you. There's like so much construction on the street that it's safer for me to wear a helmet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How are you? Oh my god, it's huge! It's huge! Oh my god. The only thing bigger than your tits is that camera. It's huge! I thought it was so sly.

Oh, my God. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I thought it was so sly. She was just like, Steven Spielberg over here. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable.

I could not imagine anything better than that. Bro, you might as well have an over-your-shoulder camcorder with you. Like Nick in the background. Give me those last 10 seconds. No, no, no. Give me those last 10 seconds again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe he didn't get the fuck up and walk away. He was about to. If I had not told him, broken it at five minutes, I would have been like. This is.

Okay. That looks like a. That's the first 30 seconds to talk to him. What goes on the next couple minutes? Then I just like i'm saying where i'm from asking him where he's no fucking he's just having a regular conversation with you he's being so nice about it but like he's so clearly like why is she wearing is he texting or anything or is he like no he was like he was like he's giving you like 100 attention just looking at you yeah in your helmet yeah exactly and then and then i broke and then like it ended up being

so then it was i was literally like i can't do this i'm like still so scarred from like the but then but then okay so then after the five minutes i told him and he was so nice about it it literally like like it's the thing at work like yeah you're getting the whole scoop it ended up being like the best icebreaker after the first five minutes i was like and you kept it on what did you keep it on then i took it off yeah because then i was just like he has to like know that i'm like cute or whatever and so then i was like and then after i took it off like it was significantly better because then also you know like on a first date you're like you're like am i being normal am i being cool but then i was like all i have to do is be cooler than me in a helmet the bar is so low so it was like just there and then the rest of it

like we've talked for like three hours and like as the night went on like he started wearing the helmet yeah that picture was great people started coming up to us like wearing the helmet and asking us

and like it was an icebreaker with them and like it was so fun and like the whole like inside joke was like oh then he was like

he was like I think like we should do then he like ended up making it like into a second date because he was like just to make sure your boss is really like for sure get the – Get the worth out of it. I'm sorry. I can't remember the fucking sentence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was just like – And then in the group chat, she said she cooked him breakfast in the helmet the next morning, right? No, that's not what fucking happened. And anyways, it just exceeded my expectations and everyone should be wearing helmets on the first date well so what's fucking ridiculous is there was a trend movement in what like the early 2000s of peacocking and pickup artists and shit like guys there there's like a whole community of guys that would do this shit and they called it peacocking and it was more it wasn't like a helmet but there would

be guys who would wear like a giant like velour top hat like and they would roll up and just be like what's up and wearing like like their whole outfits they look like a fucking what was the guy's name mystery mystery it was mystery and there was um would it work that that was like the early version every girl in the That was like the early version. Every girl in the world. That was the early version of like Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate read the game a lot. This also was a little more – yeah, this was the main guy.

So that guy would show up dressed like that and he would fuck like the hottest girls in the world. Wait, but would he like commit to the bit or would he just – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like a magician to be honest. Yeah. He wasn't like – but there were other guys. The bald guy, I think – click that one. That dude – oh, no.

I don't know. The guy wrote the book. That's Shanita O'Connor. Neil Strauss was the guy who wrote the book. And the book was actually really entertaining. It was like him and this guy, Mystery, and like 10 other like pickup artists who was like their job basically like all lived in a house it was almost like fight club except they just fuck chicks and the book is wildly entertaining if you don't like read it like a bible yeah there were dudes who were like

i need to learn how to do this i want to be like them and it was like oh this is crazy don't do that but if you just read it from the point of view of like these crazy guys who figured out the system on like if you talk to chicks this way like they will. But if you just read it from the point of view of, like, these crazy guys who figured out the system on, like, if you talk to chicks this way, like, they will fuck you. If you wear clothes like this, they will want to date you. And it worked. See, that's why I say guys can pull it off. Like, the helmet thing would totally work for a guy. Well, that's why.

It's, like, a fun version of that where it is, like, just an icebreaker. And I think also there's an element of, like, if you're cool enough to do that and not be like a prissy like I can't do this sort of thing like then it's almost like he knows right away like you're cool you know and then if he puts the helmet on jokes around you know he's cool right away so it's like at the very least we can we're not like we're gonna get along in that sense it was like a good like um vibe check pass yeah yeah exactly in college it was so college but like my friends and I would like we had certain like lines that we would drop to guys to see if they could like pass the vibe check oh give me an example like um none of them were that creative like one was like just like

well for me like i would do like the shark tank pitch and if they were like funny with it back then like that'd mean they're cool but if they're just like yeah that's like what's the starting pitch like jacked up like you would pitch ideas like like i would have like dumb college shark oh eventually like the popcorn funnel i was doing popcorn funnel thing and if they were like i don't get it and it was like you know they're lame or like one of my friends would do like are you would you be a top or a bottom if you're gay and it's like are you comfortable yeah yeah yeah that i mean that was the pickup artist shit was like – it became like toxic and weird. Yeah. Because like the whole idea of like negging girls was like say something that's slightly like – I don't know.

I liked you better when you – you're hotter as a blonde or something like that when you're a brunette. And it's kind of like a jab but you're like – but you're still complimenting my look. So wait a minute. What does that mean? But then people just took it. I remember I got shit-faced once, and I tried it out on this girl, and I was just mean to her. And she just turned around and walked away and was like, that was really mean. And I was like, I was reading a book and trying a thing.

I don't know what the fuck I was doing. Because it was, I mean, it was just guys were like, oh, okay. So you just go up to girls and be like, you're fat. It's a really great dress. I don't know TJ Maxx carried that that brand but they also were going up they were doing it to like the like the hottest most exclusive women in the clubs of of la who are used to being like you know everyone's just like bowing before them so they would come up and be like oh those those shoes don't match your outfit and they'd be like like who is this guy who speaks to me this way and they fuck because that's how girls operate i don't think

that applied at all no i think i think that that was a particular era i think now it's like hey dickhead why don't you shut the fuck up you're being mean but yeah new approaches like stuff like that helmet peacocking how much uh did you wear it out for your friends the next time? I wore it out. How much was the bar bill? I haven't done the math. Should we add it up? I mean, I got to pay you.

Yeah. You really? Yeah. A deal was a deal. I mean, if you really wore it on our system, I don't think you even wore it. I'll show you pictures. I mean, I saw a picture, yeah. Did any of the girls wear the helmet?

Yeah. You're so shit-faced in that picture. Oh, I'll show you pictures from all throughout the office. That's a picture of a girl on her college study abroad. She's in Florence. She took her Vespa to the bar and is like, I don't know how to get home now. What do I do?

That one was like, I almost didn't get into the bar with it. Yeah, I want to be clear. I almost didn't get it i almost yeah i want to be clear i almost didn't get the bar because the helmet they told me to check it with the coat check but i told them i can't i'm not fucking around he was like he was like um you can't get in like with that weapon i thought he was like talking about like drunk me was like like thought he was like talking about my ass i was like like, hell yeah! That thing is a registered weapon, girl. That's assault with a deadly weapon. You're going to hit somebody with that helmet.

That's ridiculous. I can't get over the fucking camera. The camera is a thout. It was a setup of two middle schoolers who were like, you know what? We could do impractical jokers. I'm going to be famous. That is hilarious.

I mean, it's so big. We don't have to play the video again. You know what? You're lucky. It's so not suck. It's so not suck. It's like in a comedy, someone sneaking in with a spy pen and being like, so...

And it was with the camera, like someone like sneaking in with like a a spy pen and being like so talking to them and like um like it was was the camera like shifts with motion or whatever and so i originally had it going forward but like as i walked it just i think it just filmed like my nostrils i looked down at one point and it was like straight up so i i think it did was that address or you just like or eventually we just like and took it out like straight up so I think it was that address or you just like or eventually we just like and took it out

like Mary Poppins and then because then after like I was like I sorry I had to film that

like for work or whatever and then like after everything does he do you explain what work is does he know

you were then eventually yeah did he know what Barstool was yeah he did he knew like of you guys

but he didn't know you it took him a while he like also like scene jacked up at some point. He didn't, like, make the connection. No, that's fair. I feel like if you're not expecting to go on a date with the girl from that internet video, you might not put it together right away. You'd be surprised how many people, like, if you're not expecting to see somebody,

like, a celebrity or something in that setting, you'll walk, like, right past them. Yeah, because that one time I was, like, my boss is like my boss is like they like made me do this or whatever and then like an hour and he was like wait are the bosses you're talking about are they is it kevin invites and i was like so he like he knew um it'd be very weird if it was just like at my regular job yeah i know no at first he was like you are being like abused at your job he's not wrong just because we work where we are it's not it's definitely abused so ballpark

what do you think the bar bill was did you run it up or you just had a regular night I would have been out here being like bottle of ace of spades

or whatever the fucking new shit is at the bar it was $200 and then we but I'm saying like were you like let's you know

get whatever you want because it's not or like you just have a normal life. Would you have had a $200 bar bill there anyway? No, it probably would have been that before. But it was just like I paid for everybody. Got it. But like we – we just ended up getting like a little sloppier than we all meant to.

So we couldn't really take it after. You don't say. Not you. Not you and your friends. Never. I'm stunned. So you kind of like got lucky there but um blur the guy's face and voice or something like that

like that would be very funny to see like the fucking tit camera and see him yeah we gotta put a little something yeah I mean what I really would love people to see is his face of him being like because it's probably the face of a man trying to be like yeah

Jackie can you send him a release? I asked him. Is there going to be a second date? Yeah, Thursday. I'm telling you. No, I feel weird. This could be the one, man. I think in terms of storylines.

You got to think about what's the fucking speech at the wedding going to be. Jackie and blah, blah, blah. I don't think he can shake the ick of me in the helmet. Like, I'd be surprised what guys can shake. Yeah. A girl wearing a helmet for a prank. Easily shakeable. Yeah, really.

Oh, by the way, speaking of the ick. Is anybody here watching? Love is blind. No. There's a new season out. The first five episodes of the newest season. You're sneaky like the biggest Love is Blind. Oh, I'm not sneaky.

I'm all about it. There's this girl, Irina. When I tell you she's the most despicable person to ever be on reality TV, it's incredible. She is just a pig of a human. I'm talking inside and out. She is awful to people on this show and walks around like she is the hottest chick in the world. And the episode of her just like, she, she, she just talks to the other guy. Like she's, she gets engaged or, or,

or says yes to the proposal. And then they go – love is blind if you don't know. They talk in these pods where you can't see the other person. You talk to them for like two weeks straight and you make this connection with people just based on what you're talking about. And then you get to see them and they propose. And then you get one month together to decide whether or not you're actually going to marry them. And this girl – Is she an ex- It's that girl. Yeah.

She is so awful to this guy. And when she's talking to the other people, she's just like, yeah, no. I mean, like, I saw him for the first time. And, like, I would literally kiss any other guy on the planet Earth except for him. Like, everybody else here, I'm more attracted to them. Is he ugly? No. He's a little bit dorky. He looks like

Jeff Passon mixed... My buddy nailed it. He's like Jeff Passon mixed with this, mixed with that sort of thing. He's a fine looking guy. And that's him. Yeah, regular dude. This scene right here is one of the most despicable displays of just like human behavior you've ever seen.

I mean, you've got to watch. This chick is awful. And she even says it. She's like, I'm treating you like the worst person in the world right now. That's him? He's like perfectly fine. And I think he's a lawyer. He's a total like a great dude.

Criminal defense attorney though. He is a – Oh, wait. No, no. Criminal defense is good. He is a – Oh, wait. No, no. Criminal defense is good. I was thinking prosecutor. I think his mom was a stripper and he's like really like – he's like people judge me for that.

Like a single mom who like needed to do what she did to like make ends meet. Now he's a lawyer. I think it's like a great story. But that girl, the blonde girl and her are this dynamic duo and the other girls are like you guys are despicable pigs. It's fucking incredible. They get so shit-faced and they're just horrible, horrible people. You don't even need to watch the

full season. If you just watch, like, definitely watch, like, episode 5. You can just pick up where, and it is, I mean, she takes every reality TV show villain and blows them out of the water. She also, she goes, I'm a bombshell now. I just have deep acne scarring. i mean i don't

know what's going on i'm trying to fuck edward james almost she they they were doing shots to uh failed proposals like guys who like poured their hearts out and were like will you marry me and the person said no they're like hey to your failed proposal you know people like crying and shit oh all the other girls are crying they're like hey to your failed proposal the other people are like crying and shit oh all the other girls are crying they're just laughing it's incredible theater it's it's all time you gotta watch it it is funny it's like she's probably being the normal one being like this is fucking ridiculous but man she is just a terrible person i watched a very similar thing this weekend i watched the boston strangler and uh it's on hulu it's okay it's pretty good uh but it is it is staggering like i know

i i exist in this world i know we don't care about women but like it is it is we make them wear helmets i know how society views women. I read the internet. It is crazy how recent – I thought the Boston Strangler was longer ago. It was like mid-60s. I would have guessed the Boston Strangler was around Jack the Ripper times. Yeah, yeah. It was like women were working and shit like that.

Not to the extent that they are today, like you know women were reporters and things like that and and the boston police just didn't give a fuck like a lot of women were getting strangled to death and the cops were like i don't know why these two uppity sweethearts are fucking what are you complaining about were you trying to make a connection for they wrote for the american standard which is a paper I figured they wrote for the Globe. And they were like, hey, these fucking murders are the same. And when I tell you they are the prototype for a serial killing, like every woman had their stockings strangled on their neck in a bow tie like a present. Leaving like a sign behind.

And like a fucking broomstick shoved up there or something. They didn't really specify if it was their ass or their pussy. And they were like, probably a connection here. And the police were like, what are you talking about? You women don't know how to investigate crime. It was crazy. And also, as someone from... They caught this guy

though? That's him? Well, here's the thing. If I can spoil a real life story for everybody as someone from massachusetts and vaguely the boston area i've obviously heard of the boston strangler quite a bit i thought for sure this was a guy who's been caught and these cases were closed that's not so much not the case they they someone confessed but they think it was like three guys who were in a mental hospital together. Because they had three guys they really thought did it, but all of them were incarcerated at some time while murders were happening.

Yeah, look at that. That's exactly what you're talking about. She comes up. She's like, three people have been murdered in the last two weeks. And he goes, you're on the lifestyle desk, not homicide. Look at that. Three women were shot in the last two weeks. Listen, you cover lifestyle.

Shout out Chris Cooper. He's the best. It was just like, I was watching. I was like, wait. No one's putting this together? It was just like, what do you call it? You don't have a story. How many dead women do we need to report this story?

Three chicks are dead in two weeks. They got number four. Okay, now it's a tale. It ended up killing 13, I believe was the number. Jesus. And it was just like,

like, no one cared. People were getting mad at the woman. They'd be like, what are you looking into this for? It was crazy.

I mean, you look no further than when, what was it? Didn't Augustus only let people in in like 1979? No, Augusta still doesn't let women in. Really?

Condoleezza Rice was, I think. Or was it black people in 79? There was something about the 70s that was like, whoa. I think Condoleezza Rice is a member of Augusta. I think she's the only one. It was only black caddies, too. There wasn't any white caddies allowed. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I mean, shit is still not good out there, bro. We're not good out there in these streets. Speaking of deep racist cuts, there was the guy at EEI last week who got in trouble. Yeah, what did he say? They were talking about their favorite nips, which I think is a Massachusetts thing. You guys call them like what, shooters or whatever? No, they call them nips. You call them nips?

Yeah. They're little airplane bottles, right? Yeah, airplane bottles people call them too. So maybe it's a Northeast thing. It's one of those regional things like sneakers versus tennis shoes or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. little airplane bottles right yeah airplane bottles people call them too um and uh so maybe it's a northeast thing it's one of those regional things like sneakers versus tennis shoes or whatever yeah um and uh they were talking about on the greg hill morning show they're talking about their uh favorite nips and people saying fireball mcgillicuddies whatever i don't know the standards and um one of the producers and they have like a a producer cam and he just kind of like says it to the mic and keeps it moving.

And he's like – he was Mina Kimes. And Mina Kimes works for ESPN. I don't know what her – And then Nip is a – It's a racial slur for Japanese people. Japanese people called... Their name for Japan is Nippon, I believe. Right, it's a nip.

And he kind of said it and snickered. And then people got angry. I don't know about people, whatever. But, like... I mean, that's pretty fucked. I guess... Oh, no. What he said is completely fucked.

I mean, people got mad at the host of the show because they kind of just kept it moving and didn't acknowledge it. I don't know. I don't know. That's not his job. I do that where I kind of like... The bosses upstairs will get mad about that. Someone says some fucked up stuff, I'm kind of like, ha ha.

Dude, especially... And I change the subject. I mean, I don't know about EEIs. It may be a little different. Maybe the host of that should. On a show like this, if we have some guest that comes on and says some crazy shit, and they're a comedian, I'm going to be like, I don't know. That's what comedians do.

And if someone else has a problem with it, we'll deal with it after the fact. But in the moment, I'm not going to be like, stop the show. 100%. I'll go, ha, ha, ha. Unless it's crazy. Someone drops the internet, I'll be like, oh, anyway. I'm not going to have a debate about what words we should use and what words we shouldn't. I had no idea.

I had never heard of that story before. You know what? I will say, though, I don't know how many people – I think we've talked about it a little bit before. But when we had Nick DePaolo on and he just dropped the N-bomb and we didn't air it and he was like, you pussies. I thought Barstool was, like, all about freedom of speech and, like, edgy. And I was like, well, we don't air people just blatantly dropping the n-word if that you know okay bro like we're not like cool or tough in your eyes anymore that's you know certain lines but you know you're making a racist joke or whatever obviously like we've all made them ourselves so we wouldn't be like hold the hold

your horses that's a horse of a different color. But I had to Google. I'd never heard that slur before. And so I Googled it, and then I was just like, man, this is some, like, you drive racial slurs at breakfast shit. Like, I know the char toppers. I know the fucking, I know the platinums. But, like, if you know deep cut racial slurs, I guess I just said one. And a lot of people are like, you know what that is? Yeah, my dad keeps saying oriental.

And he means it nicely he's like oh this little this little oriental girl was having like a fun time at the park with keegan i was like oh yeah i was the other this weekend because i i've read something and someone was calling something woke and we talked about before and everyone's talked about before how like all that shit is just like – it's been the same thing forever, like rebranded, where it's like fucking – no, it's called PC. PC culture, wokeness. Then it became kind of cancel culture, and then now cancel culture. I'm like, everyone's woke, woke, woke, broke, that shit. Woke used to be like – I remember rappers being like, stay woke. It was like, don't –

I've never heard someone use it. Don't be a moron. Don't be stupid. Know what's going on. But it's just explaining linguistics. That's how the world works is that young people see old people use a word. They go, that's fucking lame. I'm going to call it something else.

It's not woke to not say things are rad anymore. It's just linguistics have evolved. It's like when those things are tied to World War II, when we were fighting and killing people. But it's just like that's what old people say? We're going to say different things. My dad will always say, he says, I didn't even know this. There's Oriental and Occidental. White people are Occidental.

They're Oriental. He's like, this is just a geographical term. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you, man. It's not. It may have started that way. It's not anymore. To my point exactly there. It's like, why aren't you fighting to keep rad?

What do you think? Do you remember there was rad? People used to say bodacious. I don't even remember because it wasn't for me. That was, I think, even before me. And maybe that was more of a, like, if you're in California, you're like a surfer bro or whatever. Could you imagine being like, yeah, that's bodacious, bro.

It's fucking crazy. It's woke culture. No one says cowabunga anymore. I'm an old man, and kids look at me funny when I say cowabunga. These goddamn liberals. All right, speaking of the rest of pop culture and what's going on in the world, Kanye West, back on the Jews. Back on the Jews, thanks to 21 Jump Street.

He watched Jonah Hill in 21 Jump Street and was like, you know what? Jews, not so bad. I would argue, I mean, I love 21 Jump Street. I think it's a fucking, I don't even want to say cult classic. I think it's just a classic. It's just great American cinema, great comedy. Those two together are unbelievable.

The addition of the email. The email adds to the storyline. a classic yeah this is great american cinema great comedy those two together are storylines the uh the addition of the email the email adds the storyline when like i think channing tatum called his shot and was like it was during like the sony leak or whatever or like the sony me oh this is real life yeah yeah like during the sony and like he was like this movie's gonna make 100 million dollars and then he just sent an email to all the executives. Caps like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, suck my dick. There was some sort of bet. I remember he said, I think he was arguing with Jonah Hill or something like that.

And he was like, if this makes... But all the executives were on the email. Right. But I think there was a bet beforehand that said, if this movie succeeds, you have to suck my dick. Oh, is that what it was? Because I remember – I thought he was telling the executive to suck his dick. Look this up because it was like the first rundown ever, one of the early ones. And this was on the questions, on the topics.

And I went first. It was like, what do you got and i said something like you know uh i was like this is why let me let me make sure it is a um no this is so i said just put emails put email i was like this is why i don't ever make a bet with like sucking somebody's dick or doing something i can't deliver on because you never fucking know all the sudden 21 jumps use a hit and you gotta suck jonah hill's dick and dave I can't deliver on because you never fucking know. All of a sudden, 21 Jump Shoes is a hit and you got to suck Jonah Hill's dick. And Dave was just like, that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Like what kind of fucking take is that?

What do you got, Dan? And I was like, is this what the show is going to be? Jesus goddamn Christ. That's fucking great. How many ha-ha's do you think it is? Oh my god. So many more. Wait, wait, wait. ha-ha do you think it is? Oh my god. So many more. Okay, so it says

if you, F you Ted, second of all time bitch, come on jumpsters. We got Cate Blanchett with this box of his bitches. And then there's probably a hundred lines of ha-ha-ha and the article says it went on even longer than that.

What was the email about? Can you go to the top this was the one i was talking about um it was a it was not suck my dick it was a dick kissing bet and i think that's what my take was i was like you know you say like if this happens you gotta suck my dick and it doesn't really mean anything if you specifically say you gotta kiss my dick and then it happens you gotta kiss that dude's dick so he said um channing tatum explained that uh he won a bet over the weekend with the gross of 21 jump street that will require jonah hill to kiss the tip of his dick how fucking good is that though like that is that is imagine like me and you were like

like i could have seen this happening i could have been like yo out of order is gonna be a smash hit like you're gonna get like a hundred thousand views in 24 hours and you're like nah man no way i'm like yo if this happens you gotta kiss my dick and then it did i'd be like kiss the tip baby kiss the tip but what's so funny like that's why that movie works because that's something that would be in that movie yeah that was art imitating life life imitating art those two being like you gotta kiss my tip dude the uh janet tibbs the man channing tannum come on the show bro you gotta come on the show i i will say i agree with that wholeheartedly um but i will say he's the only

he's the only celebrity I've ever drunk dialed. Yeah, that's where you have his number, right? No, I knew it. Or no, you have Jim Riggins' number, I thought it was. I've never called him, though. What should we call it? Oh, when I was at FSU, my friend's girlfriend,

Channing Tatum, used to live with them. Like he – Right, right, right. My friend's girlfriend, her stepbrother is Nick Zano who like – Somebody. Yeah, he was in Two Broke Girls I think. He was married to Kristen Cavallari and like they were boys. And I think he like lived on their couch.

Basically when he was doing magic like Mike in real life, like when he was stripping. Right, right, right. I could be getting the story wrong whatever he's the man though i could see me like yeah i got a roommate i don't know i sit on this guy's couch and it was like it was like uh i was like drunk on my birthday and she's like do you want to call him i was like yes like i was i'd change the guy from the jump yeah fuck yeah yeah he didn't answer. That's the end of the story. But the – I was going to say the thing about not using social media so much anymore is you don't really get to test waters of things. So I saw this Saturday morning or whatever. I like woke up, rolled over, cut on Instagram. Saw – what?

We took back to Kanye? Saw Kanye's IG posts, yeah. And then it's like what about my day? cut on Instagram saw Kanye's IG post yeah and then it's like what about my day and I was at that party Saturday night and

I was you know it was a New York party okay a lot of Jews Kanye knows what I mean it was a New York party

with a lot of lawyers and doctors you know Kanye What was that one thing he said You guys know what I'm saying right It was the Jews I can't say what Kanye talked about It was a Jewish doctor

And I hadn't really seen much On Saturday So I was like It's kind of sick Kanye's back though, right? I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, that post is hilarious. I didn't know these people well at all.

They're like, alright. Twitter jokes is like dress rehearsal for real life. You see what the reaction is. I didn't check the temperatures of the society i didn't even just see what people were saying about it i just saw it was like this is hilarious and went about my day i love like he says watching jonah hill made me like jewish people again no one should take anger against one or two individuals and transform that into hatred towards millions of innocent people

because of 21 like it's not like he watched people because of 21 jump like it's not like he watched like schindler's list it's not like he watched uh you know so like a holocaust documentary he watched 21 jump street was like you know what i was wrong it's fucking incredible then someone's like what would be what do you mean jonah hill you mean jonah feldstein and he's like wait what i didn't know it was like that I didn't know he wore one of the you know the things is it Feinstein or Feldstein Feinstein

it is weird taking stage names is not weird but it is weird when your family member is also in the business and they did not take a stage name that's fucking Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen oh yeah I forgot about that that's a crazy one Emil Amelia Westves is running around like Feldstein.

Oh, their parents are famous too? It is wild when you look up a celebrity and it's like, oh yeah, their parents have Wikipedia. That's like Nicolas Cage as a Coppola. He's part of that family. Right, which is a weird one because you figure you want the Coppola. He did it because he's like, I can do this on my own. It's like, you're still getting the

treatment. Come on, give me a break. He did it because he's like, I could do this on my own. It's like you're still getting the treatment. Right, right. Yeah, come on. Like give me a break. What would be your – basically I'm asking who's your favorite Jew? Who would be – like I feel like – I mean LD not catching it is a big one. I think Seinfeld was a big one for like my era.

I remember some parents and stuff. By LD, I mean Larry David, not Lil Dicky. is a big one. I think Seinfeld was a big one for like my era. I remember some parents and stuff. By L.D. I mean Larry David not Lil Dicky. Yeah. He's a good one too though. Yeah, yeah.

Lil Dicky's a good one too. He would impress and be like, okay, I can get down with the tribe. Sandler, yeah. Sandler, Sandler,

this is weird. I never thought of Sandler as Jewish despite the Hanukkah song. Yeah, the Hanukkah song and everything but he's just a bro. I didn't get a chance to see it. I never thought of Samuel as Jewish despite the Hanukkah song. Yeah, the Hanukkah song and everything. But he's just a bro. I didn't get a chance to see it.

I'm sure he wore a ill-fitting suit to the Mark Twain Awards. I don't really think of Jonah Hill. I don't really think I think of Jewish. I think Larry David is Jewish because he relies on – His comedy is also Jewish. Yeah, he references a lot. It's also, to me, Jewish is not even necessarily about the religion. Like we talked about it with Tommy Smokes.

He's Jewish. Yeah. Tom Scabelli is an Italian Catholic guy. it with Tommy Smokes. He's Jewish. Tom Scabelli is an Italian Catholic guy? No, no. He's Jewish. Adam Sandler, I wish he just wore shorts and a fucking sweatshirt to the Mark Twain Awards. Sandler's kind of like

Jonah Hill. Their comedy isn't really... Larry David does Jewish jokes and stuff like that. I think that Seinfeld did a lot for the... But in Seinfeld did a lot for the type of comedy. But in Seinfeld, there's not much comedy. There's Bryan Cranston's thing. I think it's the style almost in a way.

Like George being Larry David. It's like a lot of the neurotic Jewish tropes and stuff. But George isn't Jewish. I know, which is what's funny. It's strange because he is though. You know what I mean? He's not, but he is. It feels like.

In 30 Rock, they hire a Canadian on the show. And there's a lot of – I don't know. It's like his first day at work and they're being sarcastic. And he's like – is that sarcasm? We don't have a big jewish population in canada so i have a hard time picking up on it and then like they walk out he goes well this is going great i got it taylor swift's season is upon us she's going on tour we've got all sorts of 47 songs

47 songs according to jj watt in ari, she wasn't offstage for three minutes, even with her costume scenes. So the most she was off for three minutes. Whether you're going to go see someone like Taylor, whether you're going to go see your favorite comedians. Balls and burrows in the playoffs. Playoff teams coming around for basketball and hockey. Baseball is about to start.

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Right now, download the GameTime app or go to the website, enter your email and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase. That's the GameTime app or the GameTime website. Use code KFC to redeem $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. You know me. You know I love some Pope news.

I'm a big Pope guy. Love Conclave. Got mixed it up with some Pope freaks earlier this year. That was not good. But I am a big, I'm all things Vatican, all things Pope. I'm a buyer of the Pope. So it was sweeping the internet on Saturday. I'm almost mad at myself for not knowing this.

Really? It is. I can't realize. I just want you to see. I don't want to really describe it in detail. Pope Frankie getting the fit off? That's not real, right? That's real?

Oh, okay. I was going to say. So that would be fucking so good. Was that your reaction? Like, right away, you're like, that's not real? I mean, yeah. No. I mean, that's just not real.

Why not real? Because, I mean, popes just don't have that drip. But it's just like, I mean, he's got a fucking popemobile. What's it say? He can't have a winter coat. Popemobile is fire. That is dope. I've just never seen a pope wear anything other than pope gear.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I've never seen him wear any jacket. That's true. They just wear like the robe thingy. You're right about that. I've never seen it. And I'm sure if I i zoom in i think popes are just always indoors yes why the popemobile is like it's like temperature controlled and then they're in the vatican he only comes out on his little porch yeah the the thing with that is it's an ai generated photo so it's not a

photoshop it's ai generated whatever the fuck that means. And people are like, you're so dumb. You thought that was real? And I take great offense to that where it's like, I don't know. You told me it was real. Oh, yeah. No, I hate that. Especially as we get into the AR world now where it's like it's going to be very hard to distinguish. Like if you get duped by like a fake video, I think you're a moron.

But like some of these things that it's just like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you showed me this. Like I thought that person was that tall or that short or you know whatever leave that yeah you told me i don't know yeah sorry i have faith in you and i trust you like i don't know man you just saw like i'm not really referring to that picture specifically but like yeah yeah like when your friend tells you oh you fucking fell for it i don't know man i trust i'll be honest i trust you with my life that's like so why wouldn't i trust you with a picture that it's like being like you know uh like if i gave you anything and then which is like that's not real like oh you got me you got me dude the but the ai stuff i'm over i'll get buckle up it's gonna get so much worse i don't i don't think it

like it's one of those things where – You should do the Kanye one. Yeah. The Kanye song. It was fine. It was like – I was like, okay. It's whatever. I feel like every new piece of technology that ever gets introduced dominates the internet

and people say it's the end of humanity and yada, yada, yada, yada. And I just don't think so i don't i don't i don't believe in it in the sense like like to the layman that's you could just photoshop that picture i don't know look what i did that the pictures i don't that yeah you could but people did that with photoshop like yeah we'll never be able to believe anything anymore and then we can just tell and it's like i don't know if we can tell it's just like it's just not that big a deal it's like i don't know it doesn't happen as often as you're predicting it's gonna happen that's the bigger discussion is that like things confusing things happening on the internet is just not the end of the world i think you go down a dicey road where like there's gonna be a

lot of fucking people who believe that joe biden said like i'm coming for your gun yeah because people are gonna make a video that says that. Right. And right now, they can do voices and shit. But pretty quickly, people go, that's not real. And yes, there will obviously be the groups that will believe it. But that already exists with Photoshop.

Yeah, but I think the ability to do video and voices is another level to it. Like, the fact that they'll be able to make a video that looks a lot very real with a voice that is very real saying whatever you want is just another layer of dumb people on the internet who are not going to... I guess that's

true. The way you should operate now is I'm never going to believe anything anybody says ever again. Which is funny. People say that with April Fool's Day coming up. Every day is April Fool's Day. People should like like why why do you not second guess sources on any other time yeah like like like i guess that we also live in such a crazy world where it's like damn like i maybe fucking donald trump did say that that's possible but when you if your first

reaction is like holy fucking shit but you know what it, I don't know. You could have told me if last month or whatever you said, dude, Kanye West jumped on the air and was defending Hitler. Straight up said, I like Hitler. Yeah, I would have been like, that's fake. That's AI. And it's like, no, that shit fucking happened. So you never know. But I'm just not going to get got on anything. So from here on out, I'm just going to go, that's AI.

It's AI until proven real is my – I mean the music thing is interesting because there are – I don't think it is. I think that there are going to be people who like – let's say you like the old Kanye and you're like a person who can write lyrics. You can be like, I can just make you old Kanye songs now. But you can't because of like copy. It will get copywritten. Sure. But like it will float around on soundcloud or something it's not like you can put it out on spotify and make money but it's like but if you know it's like old kanye

samples and like old kanye rhymes like here you go and and if it like i'll be honest that does i will not listen to something i wouldn't listen to it but it would be interesting where it's like this is exactly what people want and i think the people who get mad about it yeah i hadn't really thought about that angle with like radical stuff and people who just want to their worldviews confirmed that can happen but with like art people like like whoa like music's gonna be different and tv and stuff like i don't care to consume like i guess if you if you're tricking if you're people, sure, it has a better chance of success. But if you're like we're going to change the music industry because computers are going to make music now. Oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't care. It's like a fake. It's like – You have to have the human experience. You have to have like – again, you could trick me into believing it's Kanye. But I won't go out of my way to consume something where it's like this is ai old kind of i don't care i don't want it that person i would say like you should just be a rapper like try to have your own career yeah i mean like if you can this is a sound that people like like don't do the kanye voice do like your own voice or use ai to to change it to something

else but just but i think it'll be it's not it'll be used intentionally not like right i i'm not i'm not gonna say i'm never gonna be tricked but i but I'm never going to be like, whoa, I've got to see this AI painting. It sounds almost like – not condescending, but it sounds uppity to be like I don't care to consume art that hasn't been shaped by the human experience. That sounds like a douchey thing. But like I don't know. There's no emotion behind it. No, to me, it's more just, like, if the person I like didn't make it, then, like... It doesn't have to be the person I like. It's, like, someone who I know is a person.

I don't care about a computer creating art. So, again, I can't be tricked. I probably will be tricked. That's going to be interesting. Like, if a computer makes something, like a song, that I think fucking is a bop, but I know that it's just a computer that made it like i don't really it takes away from it 100 but i don't if it's an emotional song if it's if it's like whatever like if but if it's just like a a rap song that has like good punch lines

and like clever lyrics and i find out that it's just a computer i don't know what we listen we like kind of listen to and consume different types of things but like in my like i wouldn't really want to listen to like particularly like like punk rock or something like that where it's about you know whatever fucking sadness is consuming you that day i'm not i'm like shut up computer you fucking idiot shut up computer go computer. Go fuck yourself, computer. But if it just sounds like something you like, like, would you not listen to it? I would, yeah.

I would have no... No, but I mean, like, you don't have to have an emotional connection, but if it's just like, oh, this is like, this song just sounds like a song I like. I think if I know it's not a person, I'd be like, I don't care then. I don't know if I would.

Because that feels a lot like when people – that was a big argument when people started not using instruments and they would use beat machines and that kind of stuff. But that's different than lyrics. If it's a guitar, I'm not going to listen to it. Like I don't give a fuck. I think that's different than lyrics. It is, but it's along the same vein where you could make the argument that it's – if it's just a tune, you're not pouring out your heart. It's just like this is a party song. Does it really matter that LMFAO, when they had their song –

Actually, it's just ai written huh actually ai written what's this no no but like ai is gonna be like yeah if you make a song about like doing shots uh like getting fucked up fucking a girl and dancing on the dance floor like does that matter that comes from a human it's already as stupid as can be if it's you know edm like you do not tell me that edm has to be from a human no no right yeah if levels if levels is made by a computer i don't give a fuck yeah i don't give a fuck if taylor swift is made by a computer yeah right that's different you know but um but every every i feel like like and that's the way the internet works. It's not comedy. I think that – Like what if you see a clip and it's like this is a new comic that you've never seen before and it's not a real person and they get good enough at the clip.

Like you can tell. You can't tell. It's not – I'm not saying I'll not watch something and go, oh, that was pretty good. And then you go, that was AI. Yeah, OK. I'm not interested in watching it again. What I think could be interesting is if you are really fat, really ugly, a different race, whatever you want to say that you think is stopping you from making it, and you're like,

I got these fucking jokes. These punchlines are awesome, and I'm just going to make it look like it's coming. It's like lip-syncing, like Milli Vanilli, but for comedy or for whatever. I think those people will probably get exposed pretty quick. You could get a viral video off. Not even get exposed. I think they'll pretty quickly learn

that it's not. What's stopping them isn't what they think is stopping them. What's interesting is, as always, porn is always the pioneer in this. And a lot of people don't like the AI porn. They like the OnlyFans girl. Right, right.

And that's kind of weird, but they like knowing that it's the girl. And they think that they're talking to her. And it's like you're probably already getting played. But the fact that you know it's a person and not a computer is what matters to you. So that's generally whatever porn weirdos do first is how the human race same thing i could have a hard dick in my hand and i could come to an ai picture but if you're like here watch this ai porn that's right it's trickery is what it is you can you're going to be able to trick me but i'm not going to sign up it doesn't appeal to me right the like straight up but what is fun is being able to

make pictures like that where it's like this is just just supremely fine-tuned Photoshop in my mind. So it's like if you ever wanted to see what the pope looked like in a fucking bubbled out north face. I bet like people could – there are people who could Photoshop that. It was even better. I think it's almost like the computer will just generate what it could – like Photoshop, you'd be like, all right, what would be funny? The pope wearing like a bubble jacket or whatever? Okay, fine. Whereas the computer just generating something is almost like –

Yeah, I actually don't – Why the fuck did that happen? Do you know how that came to be created? Do you have to say like give me the pope in a winter jacket or is it just like pope? Yeah, you could – there's a bunch of different ones. I don't know how this one was exactly trained but they probably loaded a bunch of photos of that jacket into it and then loaded a bunch of photos of the Pope and was like, put the Pope in this jacket.

Or they could even just, some of them, you could just say, put the Pope in this jacket. If you load up an AI script with all, every fucking game ever, can it gamble at a high rate, you think? I don't think so, because I think that's the same thing. Humans affect it. They can create a picture.

They can sing the song if you type the lyrics. I would imagine that you would never be able to predict the future. Right. It's like that. As long as the future depends on. The underdog, you know, loses a thousand times in a row. But, like, this is the day that the 16 seed wins. But I wonder if there are some things that, like, it's going to hit at a pretty high clip.

They used AI to fill out March Madness brackets. And it was, like, Baylor versus Texas. They had none of the Final Four. March Madness, think is particularly crazy. I wonder if you're like – just bet like an NBA season where usually talent prevails in the NBA. If you can hit at like an 80% clip or something crazy like that. That will change things big time. If gambling gets affected, betting, money, all that shit, stock market.

But I'm sure they would have already been doing that kind of shit. The new version that came out, they wanted to test it about if it could solve a captcha still. That's still an issue with computers. It hired a task rabbit to solve the captcha. I mean, yeah, it's just going to become like a person. Voicemails today are brought to you by Pirate Water. Our voicemails have been our longest running segment ever with our audience

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But find out where to get your Pirate Water at drinkpyrowater.com. KFC fights the rest of the game. Who do you think would be better at the other sport if LeBron James switched to baseball and Aaron Judge switched to basketball? Who do you think would be the support vector

against dominant? It's a good one because Aaron Judge actually has the height. Like almost anybody else, you switch to the NBA, it's going to be really tough for them to flourish. I think we go Judge. Judge playing basketball? Because I feel like there are – there's always – not always, but very often there's been viral videos of some athlete visiting a ballpark.

Sidney Crosby. Pittsburgh Pirates Stadium. Was it JaVale McGee? I don't know about that, but remember Messi, I think it was? Like one of the greatest soccer. Or one of the Brazilian guys, Ronaldinho, or one of those guys. I forget who it was. I mean, he looked like he was handicapped. But there's a lot, too.

Like Crosby went deep. Oh, you're saying good. Yeah. Oh, I usually see guys who suck. was handicapped but but there's a lot too like crosby went deep oh you're saying good yeah oh i usually see guys who suck i put a bat in their hand and they're like total spazzes i think if if lebron was even mediocre at baseball i don't even know what lebron's throwing form looks like yeah i never really see you if lebron james uh from birth like plays baseball he's probably fucking awesome yeah so like that's you know but we're just switching sports right right okay so you're just saying like right now these guys go play he shows up at the daughter

i think aaron judge probably can hoop because everybody plays basketball a little bit like aaron judge was probably awesome in high school basketball. Yeah. And the high school is very different than the NBA, but not so different. You're still playing the same league. Little league type baseball versus pro baseball is wildly different.

Right. Whereas high schoolers, when you get two premier high school teams together, the worst of the pros would wash them. But the same level of athleticism as far as like where you're shooting from and dunking the ball and your speed and all that is pretty comparable whereas like you know the best high school pitcher is like a fucking nobody yeah you know you got to go through many minor leagues you gotta you know

i i think that uh if lebron like if you think back to when lebron like was it a nike camp where like a high schooler crossed him up and he like got the video like cleaned off yeah but like it could happen like you what i'm saying is lebron's that concerned with his image that he doesn't let pictures out there of him looking bad exist. I think there's a reason we haven't seen LeBron James with a baseball bat. If he was remotely serviceable. He would have taken batting practice.

He would have thrown out the first pitch. He would have done all these things. The fact that he is not means he's terrible. And Judge, I'm sure, as a seven-foot-tall person, whatever the fuck he is, 6'8". 6'8", yeah. I'm sure he can shoot the ball a little bit. Yeah, he's played some basketball in his life. Yeah. In fact, in 20 years, we've never seen LeBron James with a baseball.

As far as I know. That's a great point. I've seen him at games and shit, but you've never seen him on the field. LeBron sucks at baseball. Yeah. I'm a better baseball player than LeBron James. I'll say that right now. You probably are.

I'm going to see if there's a picture right now. I'll go ahead and now. You probably are. I'm going to see if there's a picture right now. I'll go to chat GPT real quick. I think hitting a baseball is one of the weirdest, you know, the old – My grandfather used to always say it's the hardest thing to do in sports. I don't know how accurate that is. Right. I was going to say they all say it's the hardest thing to do in sports. It's a round ball on a round bat.

Oh, yeah. I forgot he's part owner of the Red Sox. The fact that – Yeah, and he's never. The fact that he's never taken BP at Fenway sucks. LeBron sucks at baseball. But I bet you more than not

guys would suck. Dude, I'm going to LeBron James' first pitch. I can't remember it. And that's something you don't have to worry about. You just lob it in. The fact that he hasn't done that for the Indians or the Yankees. Okay, he has.

When he was, when. Cleveland? It looks like his rookie year. I don't even know if it was a video. His form looks solid. There's a card of it. But I didn't hit videos. I hit images.

You know, that's very, I don't know. That could go one way or the other. You never really know until you see. But, yeah, the fact that that was like a one and done thing is pretty crazy. I mean, you know, Michael Jordan is always one of the greatest examples of it where it's like the greatest athlete on the planet looked like a clown. Yeah. It's a weird, weird, weird sport.

And you don't – and athleticism does not prevail whereas basketball you know if you're fast and you have some hand-eye coordination and shit like even you can cross up lebron james one time you know i don't think you can just step in the the box and get a hit i'll tell you what i am nervous right now because i'm watching the video of him walking out there and your boy looks supremely confident like this is confidence i've never even had in my dream well this is also prime lebron he he just kind of lobs it in but it's not a disaster yeah it's but watch him walk out there it is like i mean he thinks he's throwing 90 on the black yeah i mean he's fucking that this is young lebron my subconscious over the world my unconscious state oh he's throwing 90 on the black. Yeah, I mean he's fucking – this is young LeBron. My subconscious in my unconscious state. Oh, he's throwing it around and shit. Can't even like –

Blowing bubbles. Fathom this idea. Yeah. He's doing the fake – like the hobble walk thing. Yo, first pitches are the silliest nerve-wracking thing in the world. Yeah. Like, it should be a fun thing that, like, we all want to do. And I guess for normal people it is.

And then for people like us, it's like, they're going to see me look foolish. I can't do that. I can't be foolish while throwing a ball. My career will be over. It's like, who fucking cares? I've thrown one. Shout out the Vineyard Sharks. Yeah, you walked in with that confidence, right?

Yeah, that's true, I guess. You were like, I'm going to throw it from the fucking center field or some shit. Fucking bounce that shit. It's nerve-wracking. Actually, no, I've thrown it too

because then I did it when Marty played for the New Jersey whoever. Yellow Jackets or whatever it was. I think it was like Rebels or something. Whatever it was. Rebels would be a weird thing

for New Jersey. They keep those down in Mississippi Usually The I don't think I Jackals I don't think I bounced it

But I don't think I threw a strike either It's not easy I forget about that one People also They're not used to a mound That's weird Yeah I didn't get in there and throw off the grass I had to get on a bump It's's weird. Yeah, I didn't get in there and throw off the grass.

I had to come get a bump. It's a weird thing. But I think overall, in general, more people are comfortable with a basketball in their hands than vice versa with baseball. And a guy who's 6'8", you know, has probably played some in his life. I think the better question, too, is, like, everybody always said, imagine LeBron James is a tight end. Yeah. You teach LeBron how to, like, pull off and shit. Does was does he have like the fucking record for high school wide receiver in ohio there's always some i know iverson had all sorts of records as a quarterback like nelly was dope yeah it's just it's just those guys are just fucking awesome next

kfc fights whole crew is going on so back in November, I told all my friends, like, hey, start betting the Boston Bruins. Like, bet Pasa to score a goal, bet, you know, Bruins money line, bet puck line, like, just bet it. Like, this team's good. This team's going to be special. Of course, now it's almost April. 47 wins, like, and I'm still the only one

that bets them. I bet them every single game. You know, I've obviously lost some, but, like, for the most part, I'm pretty much rich now. So, the question is, what's the best advice you've given that your friends just haven't taken for whatever reason? So anyway,

what's the best piece of advice? Also, I fix texting and driving. Everyone does it. So basically, what we need to do, we need to put a camera on the front of every car and then have just a little picture and picture on the phones yeah great just so we can keep an eye on the road while we're that's great it's a great idea it was a very good idea um i also want a thing drive a car like a drone that projects your tv onto the ceiling so that if i want to lay like on the couch and put my head back or whatever,

I can just look up and see the same thing. That's like, they definitely have those. Yeah. That's a projector. Yeah. Like I, you know,

it's gotta be like some, you know, little thing. I remember there was back in the day, like I think it was like an ad scene on TV type deal and you put on glasses and you looked in a mirror and then you could watch TV. I don't, I honestly don't know if it was a real thing or a gimmicky thing. TV needs to come with a little projector thing that's part of the package.

You put it on your couch, the table on your couch, and you can just project it wherever you want because sometimes you want to lay this way and that way, and you can't see, and it would be nice. As for the Bruins, real quick. They're so good. Dude, I was thinking about this. When you know you have a team like this, when you know you have

when coming into the season, people are like are the Warriors going to beat the fucking Bulls? They were predicting not to make the playoffs. That's nuts. But when you had a team like that because every year there's good teams and bad teams. But when you have a historic team, if you just bet the 72 and 10 Bulls every night, you're going to be rich. Yeah.

When there's a team like that, just do it every night. Take a couple L's. I bet the Bruins minus one and a half every night. I'm not doing quite as good as him. Oh, because it's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they have 119 points. Double-checking that right now. 118 points.

Last night, they played the second best team in hockey. Just washed them. They didn't just wash them. They won in overtime. But they didn't bring their first line. They left the first line at home. Wait, what? The first line at home. They left the first line at home. Wait, what? The person on March 10 and Lindham just stayed at home.

The game was in Carolina. They stayed in Boston. I tweeted it yesterday. Wait, what? That's the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard. Bro, I didn't even get what you were saying. What do you mean they didn't bring them? Is that a hockey term? No, they just weren't even get what you were saying. What do you mean they didn't bring them? Is that a hockey term?

No, they just weren't even in the building? What? They were just like, meet us back in Boston? We're taking the day off. You guys have the day. We're only playing the second best team in hockey. No need to bring you guys for this one. Holy fuck.

Patrice Bergeron, Brad Marshan. Is it like a level of luck or something or they just like it's kind of everybody having a career year is no no everyone's playing about to what they are uh uh the stars are playing too about what they are um there is a there is a huh the goalie goal is gonna be the vesna yeah but they're 1a they have like they don't even have like a backup goalie they have a 1A, 1B. Lienzol Mark is going to win the Vezina trophy. Jeremy Swayman has been the best goalie in hockey.

He's our backup. He's our 1B. He's been the best goalie in hockey since December. They're insane. I tweeted after the game yesterday, and much like your response, I was like, I feel like people aren't going to understand what I'm saying. I'm like, we didn't bring the first line. We won against the second best, not some garbage team in the NHL,

the second best team. Beat them. It is. But I see your question. I think everyone knows. I do think Bergeron and Krejci are going to come back for another year, but I think people are operating under the assumption, and by people I mean the team, that this is their last year and be like, let's get them one more.

Because, like, it is – it's crazy. Like, they're just plugging in players. It doesn't matter. Don't you almost hate, though, like, I mean, going through it a little bit with the Mets, it's like, it's just not – like, regular season is just nothing but pressure now. Oh. You know, it's like you're going to make the playoffs, and now you guys just have a bullseye on your back while like the four seed has no pressure

but also like i actually think people people make the opposite argument for me but i think that like first of all as a fan seeing that like it's tough being the reminder because now we're chasing the record it is yeah we are 57 the record. It is. We are 57. The record is 62. We have like nine games left, eight games left maybe. We'll most likely get it. Again, the first line is not coming to play. The second best team, we're winning.

I would guess we get 63 wins. It might be 64. I think it's 63 though. It would be the most wins in the history of hockey. And there is already that pressure. So I think it's almost like they're already playing playoff games. The other team wants to stop you. And the Pats went through this, and it didn't go great.

But the other team wants to stop you. The other team wants to beat you. You already have that bullseye in your back. So people say they're playing meaningless games, and that's what they say a lot to the team who won first. When you knew you were going to come in first the whole time, you played a lot of meaningless games towards the end of the season. But now they're not meaningless because you're chasing a record.

So there is some meaning. It comes back around when you're that good. Yeah, but it has reminded me that playoff hockey is not fun. Dude, you're going to be. The second we get a lead, I'm like, I just want it to be over. I just want it to be over. I don't want to enjoy a hockey game right now. We're up.

End of game. And they always go to like triple OT and shit. It's fucking crazy how that happens every goddamn year. And then if you're in an elimination situation and you know it's like, all right, you're going to be like the best regular season team ever that didn't do it. Oh, that sucks, bro. And like as it stands right now, I honestly – it's actually a worse matchup for us but for the viewers

and kind of for myself, I want the Islanders to go on a run and make the playoffs because I want to play Frankie. I want Frankie. I want Frankie spirit. As it stands with the standings right now, the Islanders are not in the playoffs. You want a little one versus eight we would play the penguins first round which is they're good you know they're a good team with prosby can always do you know whatever right um i think we do match up better with them but like you can't call it a champion they're a three-time champion i think they've won right like that's that's a tough for the islanders

we're historically have our number but the like and like that's why like a tough road the islanders were historically have our number but the like and like that's why like the east is going to be a fucking war like every team one through eight is fucking good dude good these are going to be absolutely even guys at home do we like like saturday so we saturday sunday this weekend we won both obviously but we played the lightning and the hurricane who were like two unbelievable teams. Won both. Both games was like, it's going to be a long two months. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the thing, too. It's like a chunk of the year. As far as the original question, best advice, I mean, I feel like I've been doing it my whole fucking career. Sorry, real quick before we get to that, like really quick. The tweet that Bruins sent after was, it was after the game last night. They won 4-3. Oh, yeah, I saw this. I don't know. I didn't get what it meant, though. It meant like we didn't bring the first line.. They won 4-3.

Oh, yeah. I saw this. I don't know. I didn't get what it meant, though. It meant, like, we didn't bring the first line. Oh, now that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We left the Lambo in the garage, dude.

That's a great – that's a creative tweet. I actually Googled it thinking it was, like, Rap Lerner or something like that. That was just straight up, like, we didn't even take out the cool car. I mean that's like you're running off the score now. That's just some social media guy being like, wow. We left the Lambo in the garage. That's a great phrase. That should be like the mantra of the team or some shit. That's awesome.

Best advice your friends never take. I mean I've been doing it forever on this podcast being like, get out of that job. Don't be in that relationship. Don't do this. Don't do that. Getting old sucks. Here's how it's going to happen. Nobody ever believes me.

They're always like, oh, I thought you were joking. I thought you were exaggerating. I'm like, nope, it's exactly the truth. I've always been telling you the truth. So this entire podcast would probably be my answer. Mine is just TikTok. been telling you the truth so this entire podcast would probably be my answer um mine is use tiktok sorry brendan yeah yeah that was the uh i mean but also i kind of like it now now that you guys are all getting banned fucking ban that shit government fucking step in i'm big fan of big government get that fucking garbage out of here

there's gonna be people who are like you know bajillionaires who now nothing yeah nothing but it is like the the there i always thought as a younger person i always like admired the characters who were kind of like not a rebel without a cause but just someone who was like i just do my own thing like yeah like that's who i was always always like. And I think it's not like, I'm different like that. It's who everyone related to and wanted to be. But the... I never was that because of the

Barstool and Twitter and stuff like that. And now as things I use are like archaic, I'm kind of off the grid. Yeah, you are. I don't really Instagram. I don't TikTok. I tweet to tweet as your internet co-host it's a disaster but as your friend it's admirable the like i tweet 15 000 people see my

tweet that's off the grid yeah for real that's like zero yeah uh i uh i want to do i want to switch over take my twitter Twitter away. Yeah. Done. I think this is the fourth show in a row. No, but this is it. Because the idea was like baseball, like the regular season is going to be the problem. Like, no. There's a lot worse problems. Every time you tweet, people tag me underneath it.

Like, was this you? Everybody's getting confused now. Yeah, we might as well just switch it over. This doesn't happen this weekend? Yes, but I can't remember what. It's just not fun anymore. It used to be – like I used to love when I did the early morning Twitter shit and it was like all ATI type questions. It was just banter.

It was just fun. It was like stupid opinions and now everything is so serious. Also, like the thing about like now everything I say, people are are relating to the World Baseball Classic. That joke sucks. I think I was tweeting about the Irish Step competition. And they were like, but how many viewers did that get compared to the WBC? And I was just like, that's over. We're on to the next thing.

There's just too many people who are not funny at once is the problem with social media. I don't even find it – and before I stopped doing the mentions and things like that, it's not that I found it more or less toxic. I just found it more annoying. Yeah, like the toxic – it's always been toxic. But there was a smaller group of people. I think in the beginning, the people who decided to sign up are probably funnier or drawn to that for some reason. And there was better banter. And now it's just like everyone's an asshole or political or sensitive or whatever it is. It's just like this sucks.

This just fucking sucks. I can't thank Elon Musk enough. There is just no benefit anymore. It used to be very little benefit. The last little shred I can't thank Elon Musk enough. And it's also, there is just no benefit anymore. Yeah. It used to be very little benefit. The last little shred I had was like, I enjoy this. I enjoy arguing. I enjoy fighting.

Like, there was some level of WBC shit that was fun. Like, I like that. And now it's just like, nah, it's just not. It's just stupid. So, yeah, we'll do that ceremony or some shit. Pass the torch. All right, last voicemail. What's up, KFC, Fights, Pads, Jackie, Nick, the rest of the gang.

This is Fitz down in Columbia, South Carolina. I've done some of y'all's voicemails in the past. I was thinking on my way home from work the other day, I was like, damn, what actually got me turned on to KFC radio? And lo and behold, it was actually about three, four years ago, I saw a video highlight of all the times fights threw up on not just lowering the bar, but everywhere. It was just a compilation of fights throwing up everywhere. So that being said, I got a question.

What is the one way of marketing that y'all never really thought would work that got y'all a lot of viewers and listeners? Also, y'all need to come down to Columbia, South Carolina, or at least Charleston. Like, fuck, y'all need to come down to South Carolina for a live show. We'll probably make it down there, yeah. I don't think I know this answer because if we did, I think we would do it more, right? Yeah. Hire the mean girls. Blade Bat last year is still, I think,

is one of our top subscriber months on YouTube. Just because it was you two competing against each other. Oh, the Blade Bat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. We made a very... I remember that. I remember Nick being like, we're going to get a million subscribers.

By this time, I was like, I don't know if we're going to keep going at this pace. Might hit a plateau. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think we have an answer because I don't know if we're going to keep going at this pace. Might hit a plateau. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think we have an answer because I don't think – We'd be better. Yeah, we'd be bigger. I think I can pinpoint some of that for other shows.

You know what I mean? It's like the Mean Girls had their moment where it was like, oh, they blew up off of that thing and these guys did this. I think it's easier to see from other shows i feel like you'd have to have like you guys tell us that you know what was the big thing where you started listening was it a guest was it a this was that i think we've just been steady i don't think we ever yeah i mean those moments where we've like gone like mega viral or whatever uh it's always just been like people just word of mouth put you on. Our most viral clip is Woza.

Yeah. So weird. That's to me a tree in the forest thing. While it's most viral, it's not amongst fans of the show. No one is like... Maybe once ever. That's like a top 100 moment

of our show. A thousand. Yeah, that was just a funny side story. Other clips go viral. People are like, these are the Woza guys. Really? Really. Wait a minute.

Maybe we should be – I don't know. Maybe we're doing it wrong. I mean we made a Woza shirt. I don't think it sold as anything. No, but like I don't know. Maybe we need to be like, what's up with the Woza boys? Woza pod. I mean I am. Maybe we need to be like, what's up with the Woza Boys? Wozapod. I mean, I am. You should write it on the wall somewhere.

Yeah, definitely. Maybe we should have a Woza wall where everybody writes one of those things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. Like the stars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get those. Instead of a signature, you put the stars up.

Yeah. Or whatever shape, whatever. Yeah, it's the Woza Boys in the building baby imagine if new podcast name imagine if we were sitting on a machine story and just didn't know it like there's like 80 million people on facebook have watched that and we're just like what's what's that yeah that's not a top thousand moment god we suck at this terrible alright time to get into our interview it's with the very funny Sam Talent one of my favorite interviews in a long time

he is so smart and he dumbs it down so well it's not mean but you have to hate this you're so stupid I was going to say him talking to us is like us talking to a dog he's got to be like Jesus Christ I was going to say, him talking to us is like us talking to a dog. He's got to be like, Jesus Christ, is this conversation almost over?

He said three times afterwards how great we are and how good we are at our jobs. It's like, you have to... That's encouraging. I'm like, you ran a hell of a race. I came in last. You really tried out there. We talked about history and humans doing certain things. And I think at one point he was just like, you're fucking dumb. Did you notice yourself using words you don't ever use?

No. What did I say? No. But I noticed with me. You talk to smart people. I was like, you're putting on airs right now. I don't even remember exactly what I said. That's funny.

There are multiple times where I was like, who the fuck is talking right now? That's great. I like that. All right. So head into this interview listening for that. Did Feidelberg and I trump up our vocab or whatever? For sure. For sure.

Did anybody notice? I noticed. What were we saying? I don't know. Just some words? Just some words. That's funny. I mean, I definitely was like, I thought this is the time to have like a –

like I was thinking the other day about – you'll see in the interview. We talked about like how did early humans come up with certain ideas? And I was like, this is the right guy to have this conversation with. He had the answer. He might just know the answer. Yeah, he has a fucking answer for you. You guys are like, when did people start cooking? When did people start cooking?

Yeah, so that one I definitely did because I was like, this did people start cooking? When did people start cooking? Well, yeah. But that, yeah. So that one I definitely did because I was like, this is a smart guy who might know. And he did know the answer. But as far as trying to sound smarter, that's funny. I hope we did. I hope people can keep pulling. I know I did. I don't know if I did it successfully, but I know I was attempting to.

That was me talking to some girl at a bar fucking dressing up my job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking with the monks that I – Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking with the monks that I... Yeah, yeah, yeah. The scholar monks that I live with. All right, Sam Talent on KFC Radio. Let's talk to him. Ian Fidance is going to be furious.

He stole his set. What's that? He stole Fidance's set. Could not have ripped it off more. We said all along, Pavs actually came up with like the new color scheme orangish brownish 70s throwback

vibe like we made a new logo we put this in motion like the next weekend we did Ian's show and it was like fuck and then yeah Chrissy D came out with like a TV show that's basically identical to this. And the Garbage Boys kind of have the same vibe in the basement.

We have a guy here, Robbie Fox, he does My Mom's Basement. Similar vibe. So, yeah, we're all parallel thinking. Yeah. Yours is the best version of this. Oh, thank you, sir. You're not just saying that because you're on the show today. You have a handsome piece of ass behind the bar. Yeah.

That goes a long way. Ian would love you in there. So what's up, man? How are you? I'm very well. You crushed it for us. That was Denver, right? That was Denver, yeah.

It was kind of you to have me. What did you think of that experience? They loved you guys. Yeah. Oh, boy. They were so eager to see their friends from the internet. Well, that's, yeah. I wonder, like, if you're there for, we've toyed with it both ways of, like, having openers

and not having openers. Because I do think part of the time it's like they just want to see us. But we've also found that, you know, coming into a cold audience sucks. So it's almost like we got to throw you to the wolves. Oh, that's totally fine. I knew what it was. I was biting the bullet, and the bullet was explosive. I didn't think it was.

I have a completely different memory of it then. I remember it very vividly. There's no doubt that you're a material kill, but you're saying the audience was not receptive? When you open for these uh these events because that's what that was like that was a big deal to the people who attended because you guys are such a force um you guys are coming to colorado it's this pilgrimage for the first time they're so stoked to see y'all that when some fucking local bumbling oaf goes on stage

they just want to throw change in batteries at me. You know? They want to scare me off the stage. It went fine. I loved the experience, and you guys were so nice. But yeah, I've definitely had maybe a thousand better sets in that room than that one.

See, I was standing right by the curtain, and I was fucking dying. I guess, like, when I laughed. You guys have good taste. So that's the thing is I almost, that sucks to hear because I want our audience. Part of what we've done the last, like, four or whatever years now is bring in so many good comics. And part of what we, like really uh pride ourselves on doing is like

showing new comics to new audiences and so what you should be doing yeah that's very good of you but it's you know you're joking in a way but it's also great for us where it's like oh i'm not joking okay a lot of people don't put on people when they climb you know so it's cool of you guys to kind of be like hey we're coming to town and here's this this guy that we want you to know about and we also though for us it's like here's this guy who's a lot more talented than us maybe a different thing you know like different expertise yeah i guess so i mean i'm happy that like they're still excited to see us but i'm like the highlight of that night was sam said if you're talking about just like being funny on stage no brainer yeah almost all the people that open for us with professionally crafted material

is better than us. We're up there like, does Godzilla beat King Kong? Right, right. That's the crux of our... And when you ask that question, your crowd starts weeping, and they're like, finally! Someone's saying what I'm thinking! Do the jerk-off stuff!

Do the stuff about jerking off the wrong way! Thank you for telling the truth. One night, like many years ago now, we had Chrissy D was our guest, and Dan Soder was like our pop-in. And those two were on stage with us, and I wanted to be like, we're just going to go sit in the stands. Yeah, we'll sit in the crowd. Like, what are we, you know, we're so lucky to have a long time ago now.

But yeah, I got that. And those guys are blown up. But like, even then they were still like very successful. It was like, we should not be up here right now. We're just like ruining their show. But I mean, yeah, it's you, you were, uh, you're a fucking murderer up there. And I, I, I described you before you came in on the show. I said, you know, you opened for Tim for, what, like a year and a half or something?

Yeah, Tim the Tool Man Dillon. So I described that as a tour of duty. Dude, Tim, he's the dog, man. He's incredibly generous and sweet. To me. I can't imagine a year. What, you can't imagine a year of traveling the world with a man with immaculate taste and a bunch of expendable income? He was fucking sick.

That's true. He had the best restaurants in the world and, like, five-star accommodations. You're on Tim's good side. Your life is great. Dude, I've never... He's only been benevolent to me uh it's not like he's he's not like it's just it's not even like he's uh like a bad dude it's just like if he doesn't fuck with you you're not yeah you're not getting the

treatment you're not getting that time for that right right as tim said to me various times he's like i'm a new money homosexual from long island I'm a nightmare. When he really lays out his full description, it's like a Game of Thrones title where he's like, yeah, I'm a new money homosexual from Long Island with a schizophrenic mother and I'm a recovering cocaine addict from when I was 13 years old.

Nice to meet you. Holy fucking shit. We're lucky that all you do is comedy and that you're not a mass murderer or something. Or we don't run a bank. We're lucky he didn't go into finance. We'd all be wearing his clothes. Yeah, man. Just seeing Tim interact with the world because he doesn't have time for people's foolishness.

And I'm such a people pleaser because I come from out west. Totally. So Tim would be very direct with people. And just direct openness to me is like, my God. Yeah. What the heck? No. Just telling someone like, no.

It's like, how dare they? Dude, I've been like sick for a few days and I've been sleeping well, so I've been in a bad mood. And I took the subway yesterday. I went to Central Park and I was coming back. And it was like it was a jam. Sunday afternoon on a beautiful day, like the subway yesterday. I went to Central Park and I was coming back. And it was like it was a jam Sunday afternoon on a beautiful day. Like the subway was fucking packed. And we were getting I was getting on 81st Street. And I just went, hey, move.

And the person like moved right away. And I know I'm the most people pleaser. I identify as a guy from out west. John would ordinarily like let someone sit on his lap on a subway. Like a stranger could sit on his lap and he'd be like, well, mom, this is just happening now. So you'd be like a human futon. The guy initially slid over and then got up and just stood in front of his girlfriend. And I sat there and I was like, I think I'm president now.

This is. It was. The power. It was. Bro, I had a surge of power. This is... It was... The power. It was... Bro, I had a surge of power. Start doing warm shit. I would never in a million years... Isn't that so funny, though?

Like, just the basic... I wasn't asking him to squeeze. There was room. I was just like, slide over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, why... Slide over?

Like, would you mind making room? No, I... Go, dude. It's like... Because it's almost like you should know that, dude. But like, why? Would you mind making room? No, I don't go, dude. Because it's almost like you should know that, dude. You should already know to fucking move over a little bit. Yeah, but man, it's so interesting that just being honest or reasonable or like, hey, I actually don't like that. It's like, why does that come across as like, whoa. Probably because I was raised by mutants. You know?

God bless them both. But, you know. I remember my Mexican grandmother just always being in the way at the grocery store and apologizing. Yeah, I'm sorry. Grandma, you're four foot eight. You're not in the way. I'm your giant, obese, 13-year-old grandson. I'm 6'1", 280.

I'm in the way, Grandma. Allow me to apologize. What a scene that is. Grandma and Shrek just walking through the fucking grocery store together. Grandma and Shrek, but also Donkey at the same time. Looks like Shrek smells like Donkey. All the sex appeal of Fiona. And then it looks like my tender.

My grandma didn't look like she at all looked any kind of relation to me. Right. I would never have guessed that you're Mexican. Yeah, well, hopefully no one does. I would have got Montreal a lot quicker, fellas. No, yeah, I don't present as any kind of cool. I just look like the Scots-Irish 75% of my family. Yeah, well, I mean, that makes a lot more sense.

But you sprinkle in a little flavor in there. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I know how to make tortillas. I make a hell of a pozole. So you're a corn guy, then? Corn tortilla? Corn tortilla? Yeah.

No. My tongue still works. Yes. Yeah. Dude, people are like, it's authentic i'm like well the mexicans were doing it fucking wrong i don't want to tell you flour is far superior yeah there's been mass improvements in agriculture totally like yeah i actually always think that like i have that there's some you know what like they say like it's like some stranded dna where um cilantro

tastes like soap sure yeah i have that and and'm like, there must be another one where corn tortillas taste like fucking yoga mats. Because I don't get it. But it's not that, because it looks and feels like one, too. It's like rubbery. The texture is terrible. And it's like, people say when you heat it up or you toast it or whatever, it gets a little bit better, I guess. But it's like, I don't know.

This is a rubber mat. And they give you two of them, too, all the time. Yeah. They're stuck together. Give me two flour tortillas. Give me one fucking corn tortilla. If you need two tortillas to hold your shit together, then – But you know what that is for?

It's quite innovative. You're supposed to eat your taco over the second one. And then anything that falls out, not a taco. Like when they give you two corn, you're supposed to pull one off. Right, I get that. But it's also kind of like, I don't know,

just wrap me up in a good, nice fucking flour burrito, flour tortilla, and we won't even have it. That's why tacos are a base of the move. I learned about that recently. There's a Mexican food truck that parks outside my apartment every night.

I watch it like a dog waiting for his owner to come home. You're licking the glass. It is like 7 p.m like i turn my chair i don't watch tv anymore i'm like all right you should be coming pretty soon always parks like every night yeah that's dope um and that's a dream come true it's fucking really like it's real run down like it's, it's just a taco. The filling of a taco, where it's not overly stuffed like a burrito so you get a softball.

It's the filling of a taco, the amount of a taco, wrapped like a burrito in a flour tortilla. Can't say enough good things about it. Yeah, okay, that just sounds like a reasonably sized food. That's a lot of calories from just the tortilla, though. But it's not a burrito-sized tortilla. Right, I know. It is. Oh, okay.

So it's a petite tortilla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, tortillas are awesome, man. Why are you looking at me with this accusation? Well, because you said it's a lot of calories in the tortilla, but that's where a lot of the calories come from. It's a beautiful, soft, fluffy tortilla. Yeah, it is like eating God's pillowcase.

When you get a fresh pack of them at the grocery store, I legitimately think it's like a pillow. I'm like, I squeeze it, I can lay on it. A fresh 10 count flour tortilla. You know when you rip the fucking heart out of a baguette? Yeah. That's what the tortillas feel like, yes. One of my stupidest moments

in my entire life, I did not realize that tortilla chips were made from tortillas. That is a low moment. Because I think of it as a crispy triangle versus this round, soft, fluffy goodness and just never thought about cutting them up in triangles and cooking them that way. Look, man, we're not always operating at 100%.

What is the dumbest thing? We've had a big week here at Barstool, people admitting dumb things about themselves and some people getting bent out of shape about it. What do you think is the dumbest thing? Did you have a moment where you were like, oh, I thought this my whole adult life and realized? I thought the chain pizza restaurant, Pizza Hut, was pizza hot until I was 22. That's a terrible one. That's a terrible one. That's a great one. That's my lowest, dumbest moment.

Yeah, and I was dating a girl, and I was like, we should go to the Pizza Hut lunch buffet in Castle Rock, Colorado. And she was like, what? Is this like some bastardized, hyper-specific? Yeah, and I was like, no, Pizza Hut. You know, they got the stuffed crust pizza. Pizza's hot all the time. You know, the roof is like a hut. Did you know how it

is spelled? Dude, I don't know. Did you ever see it? Of course I saw it. I lived at that lunch buffet, dude. You don't get 3.30 by 8th grade if you're not at the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. But I wasn't at the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. I was at the Pizza Hot lunch buffet. And I was in there just crushing pies. And she was like,

no, it's Pizza Hut. And I was like, and we got in an argument for the half hour drive it took us to get to the lunch buffet. Then I got there and I was like, my, it's Pizza Hut. And I was like, and we got in an argument for the half hour drive. It took us to get to the lunch buffet. Then I got there and I was like, my God, I'm the dumbest man alive. Oh, Lord, how do you let me inside of you? This makes you dumber than me. When you've got someone like dead to rights like that in an argument, I can't imagine being in the car on the way to Pizza Hut with a motherfucker who thinks it's Pizza Hut.

And being like, green light, come on, let me get there. I cannot wait to rub your face with this. Especially one that you've said I love you to. You've introduced to your parents that held your grandfather's hand as he died in his deathbed. There's a lot deeper levels to this than just giant oaf. Because I look dumb as hell. I get that. And I've had to counter.

No, you seem like a very smart guy. I seem it when I'm allowed to talk. But if you see me just rocking slowly on the train, you know, you're like, oh no, keep him away from the rabbits. Don't let him pet anything you love. A little bit of a vice and men vibe.

For sure. You sound like one of the smartest people I know. I don't know if you actually are yet But you sound very intellectual and very well spoken I just read a lot of books But that is smart To me, what is being smart is reading books See, mine is buying books Just having them

Which is actually one of the nicest things I can say about you When we were in Colorado And you mentioned you'd written a book And having talked to comedians I know it's a very well-received book. But I bought it immediately. I bought it in the green room. I bought Running the Light, Sam Townsend.

I have it downloaded on my phone. I've not read it yet. Okay. I got that $17. Cash rules, baby. Whatever, man. It is still sitting on my kitchen table. I do want to read it and intend to read it.

I treat books like the gym. Bro, if you come into my house, you're like, this dude's a fucking reader. I got books everywhere. I've read, poof, not a lot of them. Yeah, that's okay. I'm just supporting art. Brother, I appreciate it. No, I just read a lot of

contemporary American novels. I read everything from like 1928 on. Like, there's this guy Sherwood Anderson. The fact that you say I read a lot of contemporary American novels says everything I need to know. I read everything from like 1928 on. Like there's this guy Sherwood Anderson. The fact that you say I read a lot of contemporary American novels says everything I need to know. I gotta read the room. I read shit that's like,

you know, the dad who's a retired spy needs to come out of retirement to save his daughter. That's the shit I'm reading. I read the scripts for Angel Has Fallen. Hey,

you're reading though. That's all that matters. People always want to negate their experience reading to try and impress other people who read and it's like. Hey, you're reading, though. That's all that matters. Yeah, well, I don't even do that much often. People always want to negate their experience reading to try and impress other people who read. And it's like, no, you're reading. We're in the 1% of the population that still reads books. Yeah. You know? Like, we should all be proud of ourselves.

I do. Yeah, I can imagine, like, reading's kind of silly now. Yeah. That you have everything else. There's so many better ways to entertain yourself. So many better ways. Video games are telling the best stories you've ever read. You know what I mean?

Yeah, for real. It's interactive. Movies, television, everything is so good. But do you still think that there's an inherent value in reading books? I just get off on reading. I like reading. Yeah. Because you think you're holier than thou.

Exactly. Because you're better than thou. It fills me with a sanctimonious pride. Right. Yeah. I play a video game. I am better than no one. I read a book.

Yeah, yeah. You better watch out. I'm surprised I can hear you from my ivory tower. Yeah. You know? So high ascended above you. I come down off my clouds and bring out lessons to the sinners.

Yeah. But I own a shitload of books I haven't read. I am always buying books. I bought three books in Providence on Thursday. I might read one of them. Yeah. I bring them home. My wife is pissed.

She's like, there's no more room. Yeah. I'm like, shut up. You know? It's the one argument we get because my wife wants me to throw away my books whenever we move. She's like ISIS. She wants to burn the past.

She hates books. Are you a rereader? Yeah, I reread books. Wow, that's crazy to me. That I can't do. That's a new thing to me because when I'm writing, because I'm writing my second novel now, and I want to know what good writing sounds like, so I keep reading the same three books over and over again. Which are?

I read Angels by Dennis Johnson. I read Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. And I read this guy, Sinan Jones, who's Welsh and just has a beautiful way with poetry. I can hear everyone on their forklifts just turning this off right now. I was going to say, I was hoping for Cormac McCarthy. I got one. I was hoping to know one of them.

I was hoping he'd be like, The Da Vinci Code. Oh, yeah. Dan Jones. DJ. Dan Brown. Sure. Also him. Yeah.

He's cool, too. See, I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong. I wish I read. I do think. I wish I read. Everybody says that. Like it's Everest. I wish I did that.

Yeah, yeah. We can knock it out without getting out of this room. You could very easily do it's Everest. I wish I did that. We can knock it out without getting out of this room. You could very easily do it, yeah. But when I do, it is a little bit time-consuming because I don't read too good. So I wish I sat down and read more informational shit and learn about the brain and society and nonfiction and thought you know, like thought provoking shit as opposed to like just fun books. Yeah. But then when I'm sitting there doing it, I'm like, eh, I don't know.

I don't want to know just how like treacherous the homo sapiens are. Yeah. You know, I don't need to know how close we are to rape at every moment. Like I don't, that doesn't make my life any better. But man, I think when you're, if you really are smart, you know, being smarter is I think better. Yeah. I don't know. Go back and forth. Being dumber think, better. Yeah. I don't know.

Go back and forth. Being dumb are rules. Yeah. I would love to be dumb as hell. It's ignorant. I wish I was ignorant. Oh, yeah. That's the best

because ignorance truly is bliss. I'm ignorant in a lot of ways, but not the ways I'm talking about. Just like the idea of like, I don't know, I'm just like, I married that girl from high school and I work this job that's fine

and that's just going to be my life. It's all good. Right. And they're as happy as a fucking pig and shit. And it sounds condescending to say that. But like I really do. And also I value those people's friendships so much because they're so loyal. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Right. Like when you do marry the girl you've known since 15, one of two people you've penetrated. Right. And you're able to ride that out and go in. And you're happy. You're like not like, oh, I shouldn't have done this. Right. This is great man

there's too much navel gazing involved in my day to day life too much like inquest this sucks I'm not getting better it's only getting worse I keep thinking I'm going to dig and find the bottom of it but no it's just endless void of just discontent and existential dread

there's nothing under there but your own grave. See, books are terrible for you. Books are bad. Hey, let me say it to you and you. You put that thing down. Start the bonfire. Let's start burning these fucking things. If it's not the Bible or the Koran, you put it away.

All right? What a Bible. What a crock of shit. That book sucks, man. Number one seller of all time. Ecclesiastes is beautiful. No, books. The Bible stinks flat out.

Everything. It's all phony and fake and retelling the same stories. Sure. The good ones. It's all trash. I always tell a story. I went to Catholic school with a bunch of monks. And this monk, Brother Joseph, explained to us why there's a lot of books in the Bible

that didn't make the final cut. Yeah. It didn't work the final cut yeah the cutting room floor and like didn't work for the business model i think we asked because we're like why isn't there anything about like jesus's youth and teenage years and stuff like that and he's like oh those books stink and we're like what do you mean like like how how do we not know about him until he's like 33 what happened and he's like well let me tell you and i I have done no research further than what this monk told me. By the way, he was a married monk.

A married monk is no monk at all. He was a divorced monk. But he became a monk after his marriage fell apart. And I was like, oh, so you just had nothing else to fall back on. Oh, you found God after you fucked it all up? Whatever, dude. You failed a business then joined a big one. I'm going to listen to your words. Yeah.

Fucking monk. And he was like – he's like, look, like it's just – the shit in it isn't believable. He's like, there's one story. And again, I didn't – Brother Joseph told me this. Aside from that, I never looked it up. I don't know if it's true or not, whatever. And he's like, there's one story where Jesus was a kid and another kid stole one of his toys and so he made the kid disappear why would you believe that i was like well why would i believe he cured blindness why would i believe

that like if i was a kid with those powers and someone stole my fucking toy guess what they're out of here right yeah that's the most believable part the immaculate conception i'm still up in the air about yeah if someone ruined my donatelloine, they'll never find them again. Peace. Yeah. Your parents will mourn you. If you screwed with my Ghostbusters backpack, I knew a kid, Jack Brennan, screwed with my Ghostbusters backpack. You know his name to this day for a reason.

Jackie B. Yeah. All right. Frankie and I are still cool. But Jack, uh-uh dude i i saw the uh uh ghostbusters uh firehouse toy bro the other day at a store that looks much like our set right now there's a store around the corner from me that has like old yeah place for male widowers it has all like uh throwback uh you know trinkets and toys and shit and And it had that.

And I was tempted to buy it. I think it was like in good condition. What was the price? I think it was like in the hundreds. Okay. But then I went to like eBay and that's like kind of like appropriate. I was going to say $1,200 to start. Yeah.

Okay. So maybe it's a steal then. But I was like, I don't know. I'm trying to not be a hoarder anymore. And coming home with a fucking firehouse from Ghostbusters is the definition of like, I want that. That's a cool one. Of course. I'm still in the market.

I might go back and get it. Yeah. I mean, it's just tough to come home with a toy to your wife. Be like, hi, it's me, the man you value sexually. It's the one guy you're committed to forever. When I was seven. You want to be Winston or Egon? Egon Spengler, no doubt You can be Winston Zedmore if you'd like

I know you think of him as the black one But no, he's much more than that He actually is the most interesting ghost Plus two there is How did he get the job? He's no scientist Out of time, but it was really tough For the market,? He's no scientist. At a time when it was really tough in the market, too.

It wasn't easy. He's a true pioneer. They didn't have affirmative action then. In ghost busting? He's the Jackie Robinson of ghost busting. He is, yeah. The slurs that those ghosts used to throw at him. You think I'm going to let one of you catch me? I don't think so, man.

Busting a bunch of, like, 1880s ghosts in New York. And they're like, oh, I already died and went to hell and escaped. And now you're dragging me back? This is why we fought that war. Slimer dropping N-bombs. Oh, my God, that would be hilarious. He was not Slimer. You know Slimer slurred, dude That was funny

That's just good old fashioned fun This is the same time To go back to the Bible This time of year is the year that I Freak out for about a month straight Because my kids are in Catholic school. And I hate the Catholic

church. So riddle me that one, Batman. Did you grow up in a Catholic school? My brother went to Catholic school. I didn't. My family is like, you know, regular Catholic. We're not freaks about it, but I don't know. I don't know. I don't get to make these decisions so the kids are in Catholic school, you know?

But they come home every day for like a month straight talking about Easter. And over the weekend, Keegan says to me, King Herod was a bad guy. I was like, King Herod? Jesus fucking Christ, you're five, dude. And he's like, he put the nails right through his hands, and Jesus took all the punishment for us. I was like, he's fucking five. Can we talk about the Easter Bunny? You better not let that kid have a laptop until he's 22.

I know, Jesus Christ. He's going to be Googling some nasty stuff. He's going to want a VPN for his sixth birthday. If those are his concerns now, that's going to get sexualized in a weird way. Fuck. You're right. Yeah. Damn it.

Like, how could somebody sit in front of a room of five-year-olds and legitimately be like, King Herod condemned him to crucifixion? Yeah. That's fucking insane. How do you guys think he died? It's not the way you think. It's actually suffocation.

Yeah. Exactly. That's a great one. No, no. See, most people think it was him baking on the fucking – bleeding out on the cross. No, no, no. It was asphyxiation. The sacred spirit.

It did its job. It did some work. Don't get me wrong. But the spirit of the sacred side, whatever it is. But it's actually – he ran out of breath. It was slow. In any other scenario, you found an adult

talking to a room full of children and being like, and then they massacred the fucking, you know, talking about the Crusades or some shit or whatever, you know, and you'd be like, you're fired. It's so inappropriate. Get the fuck out of here. But with Jesus, it's all good.

Dude, I was at a, I went to church for the first time in a while recently. I was a godfather. My godson was getting christened. And it was a full mass before. And I think it was a new priest in the area or whatever. And he's trying his best. And I don't know what you can do. I don't know what the marketing campaign is.

But he was like all right and now you know for our sunday let's bring all the kids up here and like all these kids sit around it's like it's like the kids mass it was like a 10 a.m mass on sunday that sounds like it sucks and it was like the children and like it was like i was like i was sitting there i was like i was legitimately uncomfortable to be totally honest and i was like, I was sitting there, I was legitimately uncomfortable, to be totally honest. And I was like, look, there are just some things where, like, you lost your right to do this. Yeah, yeah, Caprice can't be wrangling up the kids. You can't do it anymore. I know there's no testament to you. You were probably a nice guy. But you kind of can't do this anymore.

And then it got even worse because he does the whole homily like it's to the children. I'm like, oh yeah, and by the way, you're patronizing me now. Don't talk to me like I'm the four-year-old on his knees in front of you, which is literally not a joke. That's just what was happening at the time. You know the lies that you would tell if you knew the payoff was you could bang all the kids you want? Come on.

It's not like these men are living truthful lives, you know? It's like, hey, to bang all the kids you want come on it's not like these men are living truthful lives you know it's like hey i'll tell you whatever you want if i get all you know it's not me you just keep bringing them in it's just these men of god yeah yeah that's all because what christ when he was young was effectively like following the dead around like the indian subcontinent and he got all the way to like china and stuff right oh i know i don't know anything about it. Learn it, man. There's all these weird retellings of, like, what Christ was up to until he was 33,

and it's like pretty much he was just, like, going from, like, parking lot to parking lot, like, selling whippets in the day, but the whippets were, like, his idea of, like, what it meant for, like, eternal, like, salvation. Yeah, he was just a crazy grifter. Right, yeah, yeah, and the best one ever. Yeah, the greatest to ever do it. Dude, I bought a fake watch off a guy from over there, you know? I can't imagine if he was selling salvation. crazy grifter right yeah yeah and the best one ever yeah the greatest to ever do it dude i bought a fake watch off a guy from over there you know i can't imagine if he was selling salvation

i guess i guess it's really uh who saint peter though who really sold the story right yeah yeah upon this rock i built the church and he's the one who's like you're all gonna give me all the money yeah like jesus was elvis fuck all the kids yeah he was like one who's like you're all gonna give me all the money we're gonna keep out all the chicks we're gonna fuck all the kids he was like that guy Red the tricky German that's a Tom Hanks play

that's right yes it was tricky German in that time period those Germans were shifty fuckers the trickiest German though actually Austrian

the H-man the trickiest of them all yeah who hasn't been duped by a German? The funniest quote I ever heard about Hitler. We were doing the rundown a few weeks ago when Roald Dahl's books were getting censored. And Dave was hot on that topic because he really loves all those books.

James the Giant Peach and the like. And he was like, this is bullshit. And then we were like, you know, I don't think he was too keen on your people. I think he has – he's spoken about the tribe in a very ill way, whatever, and had some ties to Hitler, and he did, and then needed to go back and kind of apologize for it. This is early cancel culture, I guess, with him. And he referred to...

You can't say anything anymore, especially Hitler rules. He took it all away. He referred to Hitler as that stinker. He was like, you know, there's a lot of evil out there in this world who like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, especially that stinker Adolf Hitler. That's like a pet name people call their significant other. Yeah.

A little stinker. Not about the most massive fucking mass murderer of all time. This rascal over in Germany? He's really no good, huh? He is also the greatest brander of all time, though. If you want to give him credit for things. We don't have to. We don't have to, but he doesn't get enough credit for things.

You're right. That's really what it all comes down to, is getting credit. They're making a movie right now about fucking whatever his name is. It's not Phil Knight. It's the other guy, whoever Matt Damon's playing. And it's like, yeah, you created a whole brand. You want to talk about branding? The swastika is up there with the swoosh.

Oh, yeah. For, like, most iconic things. You're right. I would say the swoosh is up there with the swastika. You know what I mean? Man, he sold a lot more than six million shoes. You know what I mean? Just saying.

Credit where credit's due. I'm sure he's stoked to hear us making this positive comparison. Great marketing. This is going to climb its way up the PR chain. We'll have Matt on the show next. So tell us about the movie, and what do you think? How are the similarities to the Nazi Third Reich? Tell me about that.

I've always said it. The swoosh and the swah. I don't think I'm hand in hand. It was a coin toss, really, between the two. We almost went with that one. If Hitler could go back and come forward, I guess, and see that the iPhone doesn't autocorrect his name, I like to think he doesn't even get the capital H.

He's like, you throw the tilde on Beyonce. I don't even get an H. Even Motorhead's built it. Oh, fuck. Dude, speaking of swastikas, we were talking about this last episode. That's the name of the episode. Speaking of swastikas. That sounds a whole series to me.

We were talking about the- This is great. He might know this story. From 1905 to 1916, there was a hockey team in Windsor, Canada. Yeah. Because – called the Windsor Swastikas. Whoa. I mean, they're –

Like, straight up. They have, like, their team pictures where they're all – And it was pre-Hitler. Hitler didn't adopt the Swastika until 1920. And I – we were talking about just, like like like the bobby or of the of the windsor swastikas yeah and being like i gotta fucking take down everything when i was wearing this it was cool trying to explain to your kids like their bell bottoms no it was a different time you know how much pussy these mutton chops got me?

But it's swastikas. Oh, Lord. I do love those people. One of the best, like, I learned this in college and think I'm smart now things is, like, do you know the swastika used to be, like, the pagan symbol for love or whatever the fuck it is? Hindu, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah, we all know that one, dickhead, but it's not anymore. It's not anymore.

Anytime you're having that conversation, you've already lost. You shouldn't be digging deep to figure out like, no, no, I can get out of this. Hold on, I know we're at this foam party and we're all wearing bubble wrap clothing, but let me educate you right now, Cherries. Did you see Kanye is back on the Jews? Back on the Jews or he's on steroids? No, he watched 21 Jump Street this weekend and liked Jonah Hill's performance, and so he's now back in on the Jewish people,

and he said he should not let one or two people that he does not like represent a whole, you know, a whole group of people. And that was because of Jonah Hill and 21 Jump Street. I can actually empathize completely with Kanye in this regard, because when Superbad came out,

a lot of people said the same thing about fat virgins. And as a fat virgin at that time, people saw Jonah Hill and I'm like, no, maybe I will let him finger me. That was one of the more ridiculous things in movie history is that Jonah Hill bags Emma Stone. Amen. In the end, they go on that mall date, right? Oh, I don't know if I remember that. At the very end, he gives her the black eye.

Yeah. Yes. And then they go to the mall and she's like, you can buy me some makeup. Let's go. And then Michael Cera goes with that drunk rapist girl, Becca. Remember her? Yeah. That was a, looking back, that was like an uncomfortable scene.

Didn't she say something really aggressive? She's just like, finger my pussy or something crazy like that. Whoa. Well, she's trying to fuck him. And he's like, uh. And then, yeah, they both have their cute little mall date in the most coming of age moment. But, I mean, Jonah, we love you, man. Yeah. Jonah now.

Well, sure. Jonah then. He turned his back on his people. He lost all that late. Oh, yeah, man. Sometimes I do think that it's like, you were one of us. And now you're like. What are you fucking stealing valor for?

What are you talking about? I'm speaking for the other, yeah. For wads? Stolen valor. Kevin's on a plane to Tel Aviv right after this. Yeah, let's hear about your swastika talk there. You got rid of the defense minister? Get out of here!

I have stolen valor for fat people, for sure. Because I do live my life like a fat person. And I eat like a fat person, and I am lucky that I'm not one. But there's just some things. Like me and one of my co-hosts, Clem, who's a larger fella, we had a series called Snacking Off, where we just kind of, like when oreo has a new flavor or whatever we test them out yeah and um because i'm like a junk food addict but like i just don't look

the part and he's like shut the fuck up you you know you don't get to speak on this i'm like you're right it's like you know i could say you can't say it sort of thing that's right i do get it i do totally understand. But yeah, but so when somebody leaves the fats... No one's less happy for a former fat guy than a current fat guy. Less happy. You're not like, good for you, man. Everyone else is like, oh my God, good for him. And I'm like, is he sick? Something with his blood?

Yeah, I think I would be pretty spiteful if I was in that boat too oh yeah do you consider yourself a fat guy? I carry myself I'm a person of size I'm ample yeah yeah

you're a big dude but I would never call you like a fat guy the meat's not marbled the way people assume it is you know what I mean but yeah no I'm not like some

Pudgo the Oinkmaster like I'm fine it was funny during my wedding because like my wedding party was a bunch of the oink master like i'm i'm fine uh it was funny during my wedding because like my wedding party was a bunch of the uh the fattest men in colorado and then my buddy clay who's 6'6 120 and then uh chris sharp in here oh he's probably 140 you know he's this beanpole of a guy bleach blonde hair dick is chapped from all the scoos he's pounding. I'm sure. He plays bass in a bunch of punk bands. It's like, hey, can we get Clay a coconut water?

He's visibly gaunt. He's ashen somehow, even though he's vegan. Yeah, so it was just like, when I went in to get measured, and then Chris Charpentier, who's like 5'6", you know? So they were like, is everyone built like you? And I was like, no, we've got a real circus tent coming in here. But when I got measured, I'm 6'4". They call it an executive cut in the suit world. So they're like, we're going to need four executive cuts,

which is just technically obese. And some Vineyard Vines button downs because they make them look in a box. Yeah, salmon shorts. You guys are East Coast guys. Yes. So you guys are into that Vineyard Vines thing. I was in high school, a little bit of college. Got off it for a while.

And I think prep's kind of coming back. When I was growing up, I was pretending to be black. So I didn't really get on that vibe too much. So I'm not quite the Vineyard Vines guy. It totally missed us out west. What's that? It missed us completely. Did it really?

Yeah. I imagine it hit Aspen pretty good probably david you know we don't accept that those are all guys from connecticut yeah nobody's like from aspen right uh no not at all because you moved i mean there's people who are going to be upset by this but you move there to be like a lifty yeah you know what i mean and then you knock up some rich lady right and then your kids are just in aspen i had a buddy who lived in his truck in Aspen for three years. Awesome. He built – he had his own handmade wooden ski-making company. Yeah.

And he built the factory – not factory, but the workshop in his truck. But so he – Mobile workshop. Yeah. It was like a flat – so he would just park at the mountain because he was a little control and he would just like park at the mountain but he would sleep in the back because he just built around it like an actual like belly i mean it's yeah and it was like i was like that's the city's again no rent i am but he crashed it once and just left it in the woods like i'm gonna say yeah you crash your car you're losing your life yeah that's a problem i'm so jealous are you handy can you like you know your way around a

workshop with a hammer and nail no no yeah just got a car heart on baby i got a car heart over there too yeah just let everyone know that i had 40 dollars yeah i got i got a toolbox it's just filled with cords yeah we were talking about that the other day. And most of them are like charge a Tamagotchi, you know? They're totally worthless in this day and age. I don't even know if I would do it

if I could, like if I would renovate my own home or create my own things, but knowing how to do it I think is pretty cool. I mean, most of the money

that I spend now around the house is just paying like a tougher man to come in and cuck me in front of my wife. Yes. But I also, I love, like I mean, most of the money that I spend now around the house is just paying like a tougher man to come in and cuck me in front of my wife. Yes. But I also – I love – like I said my goal in life is to make enough money to pay people to know how to do those things. And you know what?

I think there's some honor in that. And also I don't have that like strange like residual masculinity attached to it. No. Like I have friends who are very good at cars and I think that's neat. I just don't have that expertise. How about – I don't have it I just don't have that expertise. How about... I don't have it and I don't have,

like, I don't think I'm less of a man until it's happening right in front of me. Sure, yeah. Then I feel like... You can absorb the skill if you see it.

Yeah. That's cool. I'm not one of those guys who's going to, like, pretend to know what he's talking about and, like, help him. But I'll be sitting there

and be like, God, I do feel lesser than... As a non-reader, because I don't have the other end of the spectrum either. I just exist. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Like, if you're not a tough guy, but you're a smart guy. You're not the smart guy, but you're the athletic guy.

If you're not the athletic guy, but you're the hot guy. When you're none of those things, you're just like, oh. Well, I've been trapped in this weird, like, bizarro realm my entire life where I was, like, an all-state athlete, you know, total football jock wrestling jock all throughout high school but also i would not want to fucking wrestle sam oh holy shit oh you did problem no no i was always i would play football at like 325 and then have to cut down to 275 within like two months oh shit so like the first like two months or the first six weeks of wrestling season i was just like emaciated, eating like egg whites and orange. You can't wrestle at that size? In Colorado, the cutoff for heavyweight was 275.

Huh. Yeah. Fuck that. That's got to be incredibly unhealthy. That's discriminatory. It's like a 17-year-old to be cutting 100 pounds in a month. Yes. Yeah, my already belabored heart, and then I got to just like be on the bike

wearing trash bags. Trash bags, yeah. Oh, yeah. Spitting, chewing, spitting, not swallowing. Oh, man. So much cherry skull went through my mouth. Cherry? Oh, yeah.

Dude, I caught a whiff the other day. I don't even think it's in production anymore, of vanilla skull. Yes. And I was like, I'm going to go kill myself right now. This is the worst smell. I don't know what it was. To this day, I don't know what it was.

But I was like, is that vanilla skull? What the fuck? You like vanilla? Did you ever do the thing where you get a cherry, you get the apple, and you get the vanilla? Yeah. And you mix them all up? Oh, I didn't do that. We did bapple, which was berry and apple, obviously.

But you're talking about you mix them yourself or you bought the flavor? No, mix them yourself. Mix them. The flavor exists. I didn't know you animals did this. I also invented um and me i mean my hockey team invented uh pouches we would go because we went to like a boarding school we had like a dining hall yeah so before we had hockey trips we would go because

you had to like you know we couldn't dip so we had to ditch them quick on the bus like the coaches to come back to piss or something like that yeah so we would go and some of us had braces so they get all messy and shit like that so we'd go to the dining, and some of us had braces, so they'd get all messy and shit like that. So we'd go to the dining hall, and we'd get tea bags. Yes. And we'd empty out the tea bags. You did them too? Oh, yeah. All right, so we didn't invent them.

Neither of us invented them. Yeah, yeah. You hear that, mid-century Swedish mariners? Still you guys, all right? We were like, we'll keep them in pouches, and we would just dump all the tea out, throw them in there. Which I still maintain to this day is the better way because pouches are too small. Yeah.

And that's also my issue with Zinn, which is somewhere around here. You got a Zinn on you? Yeah. Zinn is blowing up, man. Dude. Every time you bring up Zinn, other guys who dip are like, oh, Zinn. Bro, I was hoping the F-man was going to have a Zinn. Yeah.

Thank you, brother. Did you see the – have you – like the newer ones with the childproof lock on it? No. I mean, is that this one? Because I'm currently having issues. Don't worry, you're not alone. You've got to line up the arrows, and they're, like, impossible to fucking line up. That's another thing.

Everybody who does it... Thank you. I don't... The fucking... The child lock. I can't do it. I also don't know why I'm a citrus zin guy, because I was a mint skull guy. And for some... I didn't dislike citrus skull, but I... For some reason, citrus zin is because i was i was a mint skull guy um and for some i know i didn't dislike citrus

skull but i for some reason citrus is definitely my favorite one i used to smoke cigs like in high school and stuff on and off you know mostly to impress girls and like fit in like the weird diy punk rock shows i'd go to and cigarettes are definitely cool they're very cool like let's be honest i know but they knew that i would smoke because my town was like a thousand people so they put me in my first class every day in high school was with a coach, like one of his classes. Because my leather jacket, I wore it every day, of course. And it just reeked like, you know, cum, cigarettes, just the fear of adolescence, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So I had to start chewing. And I remember I had to give a speech for student council my junior year. And I was in the bathroom about to pack one. And I fucking sneezed into the can. No. And it got in can no and it got in my eyebrows my hair got in my eyes so i went up there just like covered in shaw like crying because it was in my eyes dude it was brutal yeah that's a scene out of a fucking movie yeah there was a bigger boy named jason joiner a senior i was a junior and he came in and he saw me and he's like oh big dog we gotta help you out he's like rubbing shit off my face it was brutal dude that was the uh i did

i did that with uh the first time i ever did coke i was at fordham i sneezed and just blew like i'd never done it before i was probably a sophomore in college visiting friends at fordham and we were going to a uh everybody hated you at mgmt I... There, I had a bad drug night that night. There, I bought a Molly, which just turned out to be a sugar pill. And it was like... I did a line, and it was like... It was my first ever. And I was like...

And it just went all off the pier. Damn, dude. It was a girl's, too. Girls never buy cocaine. Well, you know what? Like consider it, you know, payback. Yeah. You guys have been doing free coke your whole life.

If I didn't even pay for this, you could deal with it. Find another guy who'll give you some right now. Fordham. The first time I ever came to New York City, it was the New Year's Eve of 2005, and I arrived and my buddy Clay, who had the tall, cumless man,

he was going to Ithaca College and he met me here and I took the train immediately down to Times Square on New Year's Eve and I had my backpack on and it was really bad. So we were there for like a half an hour and then Clay was like, hey, I know it. Times Square? Times Square on New Year's Eve like ball drop type situation

I didn't know any better I'm a babe from the woods if you're gonna go to New York see it at it's prime you know yeah it's like going to Japan during cherry blossom season

you know I was like this is right this is correct and Clay you know he just liked to see me interact with the world cause I was his mule friend

so we were there for a half hour it sucks so we knew a kid that went to fordham so we went over there and he took us to this like weird cop bar where they let us drink jolly tinker is that what it is i'm assuming yeah okay but we were in there and we were drinking i was fresh-faced 18 year old you know uh clay's pubeless i assume at this point and so like we're drinking in there and then right around two o'clock, like I bumped a guy and he's like, you guys underage. I was like, yeah, yes, you guys are police. You know, we're underage, like trying to like cut it up with him.

And he was like, you better get the fuck out of here. I'm going to beat you up. And I was like, I'm a child. That was my defense. I was like, please do. I think I'll have a case. And he like looked around. He's like, who are going to be your witnesses?

And I was like, I don't know. All the other sworn protectors. I hope the fellas would have a case. And he looked around. He's like, who are going to be your witnesses? And I was like, I don't know. All the other sworn protectors? I hope the fellas would have my back. I was bulletproof. I was 18, dumb as hell, first day in the city. All the other sworn protectors? Yeah, these men who swore an oath. I don't know.

Hopefully them. They wouldn't have. Of course. He could have fucking put my teeth on the jaw. But anyway, I went to afford him, and we couldn't get into the kid's house. So we had to sleep behind an Army recruitment station in the Bronx. Then we woke up in the morning, New Year's Day of 2006, and me and him were both like, we can never come back here.

We have to flee back to Ithaca. I went to Fordham. There was like, you know, the campus is fine. The very, like, close outskirts are fine. And then you are pretty much, like, right in the hood. It is no bueno. And it's one of those things where it's like we're not fucking around either. Like, you think maybe the school is being, like, you know, soft about it or overcautious, overprotective.

It's like, no, no, no. You will get hit with a lead pipe and fucking, you know, robbed. It's like Temple in Philly. It's the same thing. Yeah, it's like no – like, get hit with a lead pipe and fucking you know rob it's like temple in philly it's the same thing it's like no i guess a lot of schools i think worcester is not a great area that has a lot of pcs not in the best area but they don't have security like fordham fordham has providence college yeah oh cool um the uh fordham i i went for the double they had the hood and then they have the religious shit where it's like you can't have girls in your room and shit so you have to like smuggle them in but they I was there I went

I went to Portland a bunch of times one of my good friends went there and this was a separate occasion but like we like we got lost we got separated

some other night she went home I went home whatever and I was trying to get back into campus at like 2am 3am

whatever time it was and they were like where's your student ID I don't go here I'm staying with someone here like you can't get in yeah that's no joke I appreciate it

but come on come on you're gonna turn me away this blood's on your hands sir like you like at orientation there must have been

some fail safe for it for the situation if like someone comes up being like hey I'm staying here and he's like

I don't know what to do for you man you can't come in and so I went to the. And he's like, I don't know what to do for you, man. You can't come in. And so I went to the White Castle across the street. And I was just sitting there. And luckily, she eventually got back to me. And I got to go back to the dorm. But I was like, am I just going to go sleep behind the Veterans Association, wherever you were?

So White Castle had the bulletproof glass and everything. It was the most emasculating moment of my life. I was there. And the locals would go and the students would go. And that was a place where it never went well. of glass and everything was the most emasculating moment of my life i was there and um like the locals would go when the students would go and that was like a place where it never went well and i was waiting and for my food and uh these guys just threw a full soda at me fucking splashed on me and the table i was waiting at and i was just like thank you like i i mean i've never felt worse like yeah i was just like they will kill me and i whatever they decide to do next i have to take and they were just content

with throwing the fucking large soda at me so that was good they were tempted they were content with changing how i live my life forever yeah like you talk about that power you had earlier like that some variant of me you you know, went off. There's another world where I tried to do that, like tried to fight him and I died. There's some other variant where I tried to fight him and I somehow won the fight and I became fucking president of the world. Or now you're in prison for a hate crime. One or the other. But instead it's this one now where I'm just this timid pussy who, like we said earlier, can't even speak up about any of my

own feelings. I had a moment like that. I was at a movie theater in Parker, Colorado, and I was with two girls, and there was my friend Bubba Haas and Evan Giblets were there, and somehow there was a rabbit that had been lamed. Like someone hit this rabbit with a car or whatever.

Hang on, I'm sorry. I zoned out for a second. I was just looking at the diapers. And I came back in with Bubba Hotz and Tony Giblets and a lame rabbit. Where are we? That's where we are. We're at a movie theater in Colorado. You were at a movie theater.

I knew. I was like, you must be mishearing things. I grew up on the eastern plains of Colorado where people are named Bubba Hotz and Evan Giblets on Ironically. I remember Bubba went to his first day of school and his name was Michael Haas and they put his name out on the desk and he didn't know that his name was Michael. He was like, where's my seat?

And they were like, uh, you're over here. Right. And he's like, well, that doesn't say Bubba does it? Yeah.

So these are the kind of people, good, hardworking, good men. Yeah. But anyway, this, this rabbit was injured and,

uh, I was moved to tears. I did struggle. And I'm 16 when you're not allowed to cry in front of anyone, especially girls and other offensive linemen. So I'm trying to fight tears, and Giblets is like, do something about it if you're so moved by it, making fun of me.

And I'm like, I can't. And Giblets just went up to it and snapped its neck. Oh, man. And guess who got laid? Guess who got it in before 17? Evan Giblets. Yeah. That's dropping the panties in Colorado.

I mean, it's... The way that man snapped that lame rabbit's neck. Well... I can't wait to suck his dick. I think it was more, did you see how Sam cried? You see how student council president Sam Talent wept in front of us on his way to see old school for the fourth time? Yeah. It was a bad look, dude.

That's fucking great. We'll do something about it. Yeah. It's like, that's the last thing I want to do, giblets. Someone was, who was, I forget. Someone was telling a story. It might have been at Ari's show Friday night. Someone was telling a story It might have been At Ari's show Friday night

Someone was telling a story About how like Oh wait It might have been The Sopranos I've been watching A lot of things recently And by the way

I'm watching Sopranos I've never seen it before I'm now three seasons deep I think I've seen The Sopranos Yeah I'm yet to see a scene Where I'm like

Whoa I didn't know about that I'm pretty sure I've seen The Sopranos But the They're explaining How like They wish they were Like, I'm yet to see a scene where I'm like, whoa, I didn't know about that. I'm pretty sure I've seen this before. But they're explaining how, like, they wish they were man enough to do one or the other. Kind of like what we were talking about earlier, where it's like someone, there was a cat that had been mauled in his backyard. And he's like, I wanted to help it, but I couldn't help it.

And I wanted to kill it, but I couldn't kill it. So what happened? It's like, it just died miserably. It had a slow and awful crucifixion-type death. Right. Yeah, Brother John or whatever. But yeah, that's what I would be. I'd be like, I can't, I'm sorry, dude. I can't kill you.

I can't hit you with a shovel, and I don't know how to fix you. So the next few hours are going to be rough. Yeah, because of my cowardice and weakness. Right. I think it was a rabbit as well. I know a girl who stumbled upon it on a hike, found a hurt, I think, rabbit or squirrel, something small. And she's one of the nicest people I've ever known.

And she's like, I smashed it with a rock. Yeah. Because it was like suffering. This is a decent thing to do. And I was like, oh, my fucking God. Yeah. You smashed it with a rock. She was like, oh, it ruined my life. I think about it every single day. I wake up and I think about the rabbit You smashed it with a rock. She was like, oh, it ruined my life.

I think about it every single day. I wake up and I think about the rabbit that I killed with a rock. It is. Above the head. I've hit already dead roadkill. And I'm like, oh my god. That was awful. What the fuck?

And it was already dead. I didn't do anything. Killing Bambi or something like that. Yeah, just feeling the tire smack. The dead por do anything. Killing Bambi or something like that? Yeah, just killing the entire smack, the dead porcupine. It's so gnarly. In May, coming up, we have this series at Barstool called Barstool Outdoors with a woman named Sydney Wells. And she's a huntress.

She hunts and she does it. She kills everything. And she's like fucking whatever the character is in Peppermint. Who's the movie Peppermint? I don't even know. Yeah. And she's, like, fucking whatever the character is in Peppermint. Who's the movie Peppermint? I don't even know. Oh. It's maybe Hilary Swank. It's someone like that. But the, she does, like, where she takes,

it's called Out of Office is the segment, where she takes non-hunters around, which is everybody but Sydney. Yeah. And she takes them out hunting, and I'm doing it in May. Oh, yeah. And she's like, are you against anything out hunting, and I'm doing it in May. Oh, yeah. And she's like, are you against anything? Like, is there anything you won't do?

And oh, how badly I wanted to say, I just fish. And I don't even do that. I don't want to kill any of these things. But my, I guess, little masculinity brain was like, you'll do anything. So I was like, I'll do whatever. She's like, all right, I'm planning something. I don't know what we're doing. We're doing it in Montana, so I don't think fishing say you'll do anything. I'll do whatever. She's like, alright, I'm planning something. I don't know what we're doing.

We're doing it in Montana, so I don't think fishing's on the docket. Just be very loud the whole time. There was no good game out there. Because you were screaming at the top of your lungs the whole time, John. Yeah, you filled your cargo shorts with keys and glass. You been to Montana before?

I have not. Dude. You you either know you don't know i'd be like i've done like a lot of skiing and like i just forget where i am gorgeous i don't think i gotta i gotta take my dad to yellowstone my dad really wants to go yes i can take him on a good trip now but i also i'm like i don't i don't want to do outdoorsy stuff yeah Yeah. But that's kind of the whole point, right? Yeah, but, like, if you go somewhere where, like, that's on the table, but also we could just, like, chill at a cool fucking spot and, like, eat. You go to Billings or Bozeman, you can stay in, like, a hotel in a nice little city and then walk five blocks to the river and totally put your body in the river

and float across it. There's, like, salmon running and everything. Okay. Yeah, so, like, you don't really have to be removed from the trappings of society at all okay yeah and you can still feel like i'm in the middle of god's country yeah because to me like you know seeing a river with a fish in it i'm like we are in the wilderness i don't need much for me to be like wowed by nature because you're gonna shit your fucking pants when you see yellow stone dog yeah i was actually thinking about maybe uh doing that but i kind of want to go and like not do for

work you know what i mean yeah but i was also thinking if there's ever a time to like probably do some of the coolest and best shit it's like on the company dime but i don't know maybe take the free hunting trip to montana i don't know i'm not into hunting and i don't know. Maybe take the free hunting trip to Montana. No. I don't know. I'm not into hunting, and I don't think I could just do it for like – Have you shot guns and stuff? I went to a gun range once, and I did not – I don't think I've ever shot. I did not get like a rush. I did not enjoy it.

I don't – I don't. That masculine side of me does not – I don't have that. Yeah. I was doing it, and I was like, can we go to a bar? It was a bachelor party, and one of the things we did was just a South Carolina gun range. And I was like, this did not do it for me. Which is funny because growing up, I loved action movies.

And you're playing guns. Of course. But then when I got the chance to do the real thing, I was like, nah, I don't care about this. Yeah, when you're holding the device that can end a life, it's a little different. Also, I've done – There was no – there was just a crew of people we don't know, and they all could have just turned around. Sure, sure, yeah. I was kind of thinking that the whole time, and I was like, this is not enjoyable for me at all.

I'm going to leave. Yeah. I've done guns twice. One was a BB, so it doesn't count. I've done guns. I've done that. I've done sporting clays where we played like 14 holes or whatever. We didn't do the full experience, but we were there for a lot.

So let's say I've shot a gun 50 times in my life. I've never hit anything. No, no. I think the animal pull was safe. I don't even know if I could pull it up quickly. The video of you not hitting any of the discs is so funny. You're just like, pull! I could find it.

Every time. Missing in time. I think the tweet was, bad day to be a clay. Shit. So wait, you're from Colorado, right? You guys say Rado? Colorado. Colorado.

So are you like outdoorsy and all that shit? Mountain climbing, camping, yada yada, or no? Camping sucks, because sleeping on the ground is a nightmare and we've fought wars to never have to do that again yeah you know but yeah like i like the idea i like going out um i live in fort collins colorado now so i ride my bike all the time and like get in the river go to horse tooth reservoir i like that kind of stuff but i also like knowing that uh my house is 20 minutes away yeah yeah i do like shotguns a lot growing up and stuff that's fun yeah like a shotgun people are like you know what would like these other generations say about like it's like

they would say i'm gonna sit on the couch and watch netflix right this is awesome compared to what i had to fucking do that you guys are doing it for fun yeah yeah all this work we did was not wasted right right right right uh we lived it to be 45 for a reason. And so you guys could have Peacock as well. You can have a streaming service you've never opened, but yet you pay $13 for it. Yeah, $13. That's the equivalent of like, you know, $150 to them.

You could like live for a year on that back in the day. What's one, if you could have one manly talent, whatever want to call it ability that you don't have now like for instance like you could fix a car or you could fight or you could build carpentry or you know any of those what do you think it would be i would really like the ability to um be completely sustainable as far as having and I don't know if this is traditionally masculine, but having my own garden, living off of everything that I grow. I would like the idea of if I'm going to eat meat, having killed it, having cleaned it myself. God, that part's the worst.

I think even worse than killing it is the skinning and the cooking. I'll never do this. But it's like even if I had the talent. I like books. Yeah. You ever seen anyone clean a deer no it's disgusting

they hang it up they gut it everything falls out there's just a fucking deluge of blood everywhere it smells like shit if god forbid

they nick the intestine cause then the whole deer is just exploding ruined yeah I um I tried to google this

the other day and maybe a learned man such as yourself knows this. Why, who, and why, and how did humans think to cook? Who was the first guy to be like, if we put this over fire, then we can eat it? That's a weird assumption to make. I'm guessing someone didn't think to cook. Okay, so that's what i thought

too so you eat some raw meat and you're like fucking dead right yeah but then the next guy someone came and it was jamestown and they were like i bet they didn't cook that let's see that's what i mean like okay i think that's probably where it started too it's like well we can't do that again because we all died yeah but like why would they be like you know what i bet fixes that fire i think that's fucking weird i think it's the Sapiens book that everyone claims to have read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They bought it at an airport bookstore, you know? Left it on their shelf.

Yeah, yeah. But I think in that book, or a different book, they said that the leading hypothesis is that there was some kind of lightning strike. And then something died in that lightning strike. And whatever of our early ancestors happened upon this lightning strike, like the next day, found a bunch of like dead animals. And them not knowing that it was even cooked or that you couldn't eat like old game, they ate it. And they were like, well, this tastes good. You know what I mean? Your body wants more of this. Yeah.

And then also it helps your body be able to digest it and absorb the nutrients better. So I think that those people who were eating cooked food, whether it was just a random happenstance or there was some kind of plan in mind, were the people who became stronger and faster. Right. And that became the dominant lineage, you know. But lightning is an interesting, like, because I was wondering how you happened upon it, but I guess lightning. Well, like fire itself is a totally novel, it changed everything.

Yeah, that changed everything. That was a game changer. Are we all stoned in sixth grade? What happened? This basement took me back. We're literally now with the couches. We're now literally that meme of, like, the three children sitting around. It's a podcast, man.

A podcast that you're saying dumb shit into a microphone. It's just having revelations, yeah, and then being like, whoa. Yeah, I think that's probably what happened, man. It had to be random. You got Running the Light coming out? It's a movie in the works, yeah. Movie in the works. Yeah, yeah.

That's been just a joy to be a part of. I don't know if you ever had a book option, but boy, do they let you have so much control over the final project. So this is the book that we mentioned last time, that the comedy world loves it, right? Yeah, I'm very grateful. All the comics are like, this is the most accurate portrayal of the comedy lifestyle. That's what everyone's saying. I would never deign to be so ostentatious.

It's darker than you imagine, though, right? It's incredibly bleak, dude. Yeah. Well, that's the accurate part, right, is that the lifestyle is more bleak than you would expect. Well, there's the comedy that everyone knows about where it's like Jeff Dunham and Bill Byrne. And then there's the other 99% of the iceberg you don't see, which is people driving eight hours for $400 and no hotel. And that's the kind of world that like growing up in the mountain region and doing those early shows into Wyoming, the Dakotas, you know, reservations in New Mexico. Like we did all those shows early because,

you know, it paid 200 bucks. Oh hell yeah. Well that's so in New York, sometimes I hear people go up for like $20 and is that just because the clubs are like, we pay the rent we give you the the forum and that's our part and like anything extra because sometimes to me i'm like god bless you guys who do it because i love comedy and i'm so happy that very talented funny people stick with it never in a million fucking years even if it was my favorite thing would i be like i waited around and stayed up till like midnight to go up on stage for like $15. It's fucking insane to me.

I think it's a trite take on my behalf, but I think that it's the same thing. It's like a lot of people don't understand why you would sell your holes for heroin money. You're addicted to it and it gives you joy in this empty experience that a lot of people have. So when you find the thing that you like, of course you'll drive to Long Island City

or do two shows in Providence on Thursday like I did. Which were good shows. I'm just kidding. But the second show, a little handsy. All right. Yeah. Hands out of your pockets, everybody. So, yeah, I just think that you'll do anything you can like do the thing that gives you worth and puts meaning into life and I think that that's why people do those shows and that's

why I drove to you know Ravens Falls Minnesota 16 hours from Denver for $300 to perform in front of a bunch of snowmobiles you know like you do things because it's exciting as well and every everything is like an adventure but yeah after a while it's the people who stick it out past the point of like 10 years and they don't really have anything going on. Those are the people who should be incarcerated. I always thought that about like minor league baseball players too. Bingo. Or bull riders.

Yeah, it's like, bro, it is not going to happen. Yeah. And you're letting everything out. All the other things you could be doing, having a family to pursue some other things like whatever all to like there's a lot of suspending the obvious and not living inside a reality when you start comedy and being like this is gonna work out i am funny you know like people do like when i'm around uh i'm not just a fall down drunk you know like there's a lot of things that you have to lie to yourself about yeah and it's when that gets to the 10 12 year mark and you're still lying and you have to look in the mirror.

But the baseball analogy is weird because that's something that you did dominate at as a child. Like you were like probably the best in your town. You were at a peak at some time. Yeah, and then you have to admit to yourself like it's not paying off. Comedy is the other way where when you start, you're the worst person ever to do it. And then hopefully you slowly, slowly climb over a period of years but at least like like like for the baseball thing like you were every comedian i imagine is at least the funniest in their group yeah i don't know dude no some of these comics yeah sometimes i'm like jesus like i have no skill with this at all but i'm like i could i could have

got up there and made some like hacky relatable jokes about pop culture and i think it would have gone better than that set yeah and you're like a professional you know you guys are funny people though you know what i mean like there are funny people for sure and you just happen to go into podcasting right that's totally valid but the people who see comedy as math those are the ones i don't want to leave alone with any children you know when they're just like slowly like rocking you know right. When they're just slowly rocking. And they're like, oh, yes, Serge is Mountain Dew. And they have the beautiful mind thing.

What if it was un-Mellow Yellow? So yeah, those people are the ones where it's like, you were never funny. You kind of crack the code on how to write a joke and maybe deliver it the right way, but you're not. I think podcasting actually exposed a lot of that because when you only could see comics on stage like man that guy killed those jokes were really funny audience was loving it and then you don't

realize that like 99 of that audience is probably a more relatable talkative you know charismatic person oh yeah when you hear that on a rate like you hear on the podcast it's like oh buddy oh yeah podcasting and stand-up are completely different skills. Yeah. And to be good at both of them is very rare. Like Shane. Shane. I love Shane.

He's so good at both. Right. And everyone's so happy about it. No one begrudges that at all. Nobody is jealous or bitter at all. You're very funny and you're easy to talk to. Good. Very good, Shane.

We have had that with a lot of comics that we had on the first time. And it was like, oh, that didn't go great. And then they had a podcast and stuff like that. And then they come back in. Oh, okay. You can learn how to do it. You can get better at it. You don't think you are just talking.

And you realize, no, you didn't learn how to fill dead air and not step on each other. Yes, ending simple first day improv stuff. Listening, not just waiting to get your shit in like a backyard wrestler. No, absolutely. Bert and Tom did a live podcast the other day. And I think at that, I heard, or maybe it was a recap episode of his recap episode of his podcast he was saying like live podcast is fucking hard oh yeah it's not i was like to hear a very successful comedian say that because i'm always like very clear to be like we go to comedy clubs and theaters and shit we don't do comedy we do podcasts yeah two very

different things the people who buy those tickets know that though yeah yeah but i also but then i you know after doing it several times, I kind of had the revelation of, like, you guys go up there knowing exactly what you're going to say, when you're going to say it, how you're going to say it, where to pause, where to breathe,

where to laugh. And trying to act like you're making it up the entire time. Yeah, and you know that, like, this part's going to kill, they're going to laugh at this part. That's what you think. Well, yeah, yeah.

Of course, when you bomb, you bomb. But to go up there, you know. Yes what you think. Of course, when you bomb, you bomb. But to go up there... If you just said, go up there every night with no material and just freestyle it, that's kind of what we do. And I'm like, I don't know, the podcast might be kind of... We might talk about monks for a fucking ten minute period.

And it's like, I hope you laugh. I hope it's funny. And then if not, we'll just start talking about our dicks again. Go back to old faithful, Godzilla versus King Kong. But it is a different art form for sure. When we came out of pandemic, I filmed my special Waiting for Death to Claim Us, Amazon Prime for free. And we were filming the last day of March 13th, that last Saturday. So I put that out during pandemic.

And then I had no material when I came back because I didn't want to do the old stuff. So the first year back in the stand-up, I was just trying to improvise. 45 minute hour sets every night. Jesus Christ. I know and it was exciting and it was cool but then I remember the first time I finally had 20 minutes that I could close on after that and I was like, oh my god.

So much easier now. I can land this thing. You give me that light at 30, I'm going to do 50 tonight. I got 20 that's going to fucking hammer. So yeah, it's, but that is like the juice of it, you know? Yeah. Like that's like the exciting part. The little risk part of it.

Is making your brain back up your ego, you know? Because you're like, I can do this. I can fucking riff 45, you know? And then you're up there and you're like, I'm seven minutes in. And they're like, fuck you. And you're like, well, there goes that seven minutes. Which was a little bit of Providence Late Show Thursday. I walked in and there was a guy who was walking funny.

And I was like, yes, this will go well. And then everyone was like, don't talk about Connor that way. And I was like, I'm really sorry, Connor. You're the sweet kid. I ended up hanging out with him after the show but i was like at least i got this guy you know yeah so it's one of those cripple for seven minutes your words not mine i did say when he went into the bathroom he went into the bathroom and i was like if you go in there like this and come out normal that that's the miracle bathroom. Everyone was like... Did you see the video of that dude who threw the wheelchair down the stairs?

Oh, yeah. Daniel Breer, son. Yeah. That was one of the meanest things I've ever fucking seen in my whole life. It's terrible. Like, there was just no... No fucking reason to do that. But hey. Other than just like... Fuck that handicapped person. I mean, that was... no fucking reason to do that. But hey. Other than just like, fuck that handicapped person. I mean, that was.

Let's return to a 19-year-old we're at the club mentality. Yeah. You're with your boys. That is one of the funniest things you can do. I was surprised by your take. I'll be honest, I was going to shut my mouth. I mean. You guys are fucking assholes.

Bro. I wouldn't do it. But like watching it bounce was kind of funny. It's irredeemable, but in the moment, I would have been like, Jordan is the god. We got to have this guy to all the parties. That's crazy. Like, watching it, I wasn't stifling laughter, but I was like. Yeah.

I was definitely like, I'll rewind this. That was a bouncer! That's from a guy whose mom was in a wheelchair for six years. Now wait, so you're saying you get the joy out of just like, the same reason you want to throw rocks in the water, because you're just like throwing shit? Or you think it's funny that this handy-hat person is going to be like, what the fuck do I do now?

Oh no, not that part. She's in the bathroom. So they carry her downstairs to the bathroom. It'd be unhelpful if you really think about it. She was already downstairs. But she at least... Her friends brought her down to the... They were like, I have to go to the bathroom. Her friends pick her up to bring her downstairs

to help her. She leaves the chair at the top. Now she has somewhere to sit while her friends use the bathroom. I think you and I were both like, well, she must not need the chair that bad if she's on the dance floor. Yeah, I was. I was like, he wouldn't have pushed it

if she was in it. Yeah, no. Dude, you know who really was fucked that night? The people carrying her. Who bring her back and they're like, we have to carry her the rest of the time. We gotta get this chick home now. Wait, did the wheelchair broke?

I'm pretty sure. I would think no. I bet that's got the dexterity. Wheelchair can get hit by it. They're resilient. I'm pretty sure that was very broken. Yeah.

I used to push my mom around New Orleans and just dump her ass out. Yeah, they needed to buy her a new one. But she said she's donating all the money to charity. Well, I think they got

a charity that she owns that she set up in 24 hours. Yeah, for real. Send it to my LLC. But yeah, I saw that shit and was like... This is wicked. Well, it's like, any time you do the worst thing you can do in that moment, usually is funny.

You know what I mean? I threw chairs, like fold like fold up wrestling style steel chairs off a balcony of uh of a senior frogs in nakapoko i think it was and it was it was kind of like uh the balcony if you will like overlooked what i would describe as a rainforest yeah just trees and i couldn't see anything else and my one friend threw it off and it just went like into like the brush and like we didn't hear it land we didn't hear anybody scream it was just trees, and I couldn't see anything else. And my one friend threw it off, and it just went, like, into, like, the brush. And, like, we didn't hear it land. We didn't hear anybody scream. It was just, like, it disappeared.

And I was, like, and I threw one off, and the same thing happened. And we went, like, two or three rounds of it. Just threw, like, five or six chairs off. For all we know, it could have just been, like, massacring people at the bottom of a forest. And then the people at Senior Frogs, like, caught on to what we were doing. And we, I mean, that was probably the closest I've ever come to being murdered and or ending up in a Mexican prison. at the bottom of a forest. And then the people at Senior Frogs caught on to what we were doing. That was probably the closest I've ever come to being murdered and or ending up in a Mexican prison. I think we just gave them all the cash we had.

Here's several hundred American dollars. Please leave us alone. But I remember thinking that was funny in the moment. Yeah, of course it was. If I was throwing a wheelchair over and screwing over handicapped people. Into wheelchairs.

Yeah, yeah. You're raining lead upon people. Yeah, dude. I mean, if one of my boys did that in 2006 at the worst bar in Greeley, Colorado, I'd be like, next round's on me. I'm so, I mean, everyone always says it. Thank God there wasn't social media back then. Yeah. You know how many times I showed my dick and balls to people I barely knew? I'm so Everyone always says it Thank god there wasn't Social media Yeah Because You know how many times

I showed my dick and balls To people I barely knew As like a Walk into the room gag See I never Like I Am still way too shy

And insecure To be like Look at my dick I did I love when other people do it I had the balls And a fist all the time I walked around

With like a chick with a hair tie. Or have you seen my wristwatch? Yeah. They're funny. I laugh at them. I would never have the balls to do it. And I'm always a little bit jealous of the people who did. God built us with a couple of props.

One of the more. Look at me. I'm Andy Samberg. One of the more. Look at me, I'm Andy Samberg. One of the more ridiculous body parts of all time. Horrific. But also, that vagina is no pleasant piece of pussy. Looking that thing in the eye for the first time.

It's a literal... Who built this jigsaw? Dude, I went to an ear, nose, and throat doctor because I have acid reflux. And they did one of those cameras up the nose. Yeah. It goes all the way down your pussy. But I was like, the human body is just pussy.

Just one big pussy. She's making me do these noises. She's like, go, hee, like a turtle coming. Like, hee. Is that how she described it? This doctor? I know.e, like a turtle coming. Like, hee. Is that how she described it? This doctor? I know. You ever see a turtle coming?

It's very accurate. You have it. Use two fingers and then watch it in the eye. You'll know. This world's so big. And it was just like, if there wasn't skin, the body is just pussy. Oh, yeah.

Bro, if we didn't have skin, we're pussy, dude. Like, bro, you could fucking elbow. If you just, like, tighten it up like this. Back of the knee? Yeah. Is that now, bro? Yeah, but, like, without skin, like, you got... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're full of pussy.

It is. It's not that lips are pussy. We're just... We're full of pussy. Nose? Nose, pussy. Yeah, yeah. Eye socket? Oh, an eye socket is full of pussy. Nose? Nose pussy. Eye socket?

Oh, an eye socket is just an asshole. That's just a fucking hole. A lot of hobos bought another can of soup with that method. Take the patch off. Pass the hat around, boys. We're eating tonight. God damn. That is gruesome. That is a gruesome fucking thought oh yeah yes i agree with you we

are all pussy yeah it doesn't matter what color it is the way you said that man that was like a like a scientific like yeah discovery the human body's that's great uh so wait wait, back to the movie. So, like, it got... How does that work when people say, like, they optioned the rights or whatever it is? An Australian stranger sends you an email. I mean, bro.

Fuck, that's pussy. Oh, yeah. Well, that's my throat. I mean, throats are definitely like pussy. Yo, your throat is pussy. That is. That's are definitely like pussy. Your throat is pussy. That is. That's more pussy than pussy. That's better than pussy.

I know this isn't revelatory. People fuck mouths, too. It was the second choice for sure. It was the second or third? I think probably one. The mouth was one? Probably. No. I mean, if you're an ape Apes fuck frogs mouths

But just like Nature You're fucking the pussy first You're the man who doesn't know how cooked food came from You're very sure about this I think animals Go for the pussy pretty quickly There aren't any teeth in the pussy traditionally

Unless you've got a wild one I think we watch people fuck go for the pussy pretty quickly. There aren't any teeth in the pussy traditionally. Unless you've got a wild one. I think we watched people fuck pussies and we were like, let's fuck some pussies. Yeah, but who, but someone had to be the innovator of that. You meant animals. You meant you saw animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. The cavemen watched animals fuck and then they were like,

let's do that too. Maybe. And then I think probably there was a slip up and we did a little anal. Yeah, a's do that too. Maybe. And then I think probably there was a slip up. And we did a little anal. Yeah. A little backdoor whoopsie. And then it's like, what about that hole all the way up there? Because that seems like the natural progression. That one that has the pink little bed in it.

Yeah. That thing that's just more pussy than pussy. I bet whoever got fucked in the mouth first wasn't stoked. No. The first mouth fucking was not like a kinky thing. No, no, no. I bet whoever got fucked in the mouth first wasn't stoked. No. The first mouth fucking was not a kinky thing. I like this. It was like, oh, my mouth's getting fucked.

It's a living. I don't think the first person who got fucked anywhere for at least the first few centuries was thrilled about it. I think the current centuries, they're not thrilled about it. I think most of the time they're like,

this is not great for us. The first few centuries, they're like, all right, so this is going to happen. I'm with my dick in you for nine months. You're going to get super fat. Yeah.

Then you're going to die giving birth. Sound good. You're like this. No, no, I don't, I don't want this. Too bad.

I have a club. And if you live, you're get to breastfeed all of us. Yeah, what's the payoff of that? So wait, this Australian guy calls you and just says, I want to finance this? Oh, he's like, I would like the option and the rights of your book. You say yes, because it's more money than you've ever heard of in your entire life. For real. Is that one of those things where you know you're probably...

So he now owns this movie? For a certain period of years. Oh, okay. That's the option. He has the option to make it into anything he wants for X amount of years. Got it. And you get money no matter what, though? Yes.

But if it's like, let's say it's a $100 million movie, you don't get that money? Oh, no. It's built in. You get a portion of the budget that goes to you if they make the movie. But no matter what happens, you get a chunk of cash. You get that bag of cash. Baby.

Baby. That's awesome. We're getting that Bronco. And it just went to buying a Bronco. I worked my ass off to do this thing I'm the most proud of. My wife was like, I'm so happy for you, baby. 2021 Bronco just came out. That's a pretty cool way to spend it.

For sure, yeah. When the Bronco came back, people were fucking hyped about that. That's a good way to spend a man. And she really lets me drive it whenever I want, let me tell you. I'm not pushing that 2008 Impala at all. That thing's rusted shut. Yeah. When I need to go to the airport, I'm taking the Bronco for sure.

It's not an argument at 6 a.m. No. What color did you get? We got the weird kind of green gunmetal. Yeah, yeah. Very cool. I like that. She's from Detroit.

It's a big deal to her. You get a piece of Ford history. American made, baby. I wanted the old Bronco, dude. Yeah, old Broncos are cool. Portnoy has one From like the 80s That's like It's like

He drives it like To and from the beach I don't think it's very I don't think it could do Anything over like You know 15 miles an hour Yeah But it's a cool fucking car

There was a kid That I grew up with Not a kid There was a man That we hung out with Because he would buy us beer And he was banging One of our friends

That guy He was fucking our skulls Yeah I remember this guy We thought he was so cool and we'd hang out with him and just like worship the ground he walked on and i remember he said he had this like 16 year old sitting on his lap and he was like yeah she calls my dick heroin because she can't get enough and me and my buddy david boy were like we love this guy and then like 10 years later i was like remember when he said that he was like 26. Remember that guy?

Rapist that bought us 30 packs? Yeah, that dude we idolized who always had Keystone Ice. Yeah. He was just a sex criminal. Remember that guy who had Logs of Wolf on lock? So much of that, man. Yeah. There's probably so many of those people.

We all had one of those guys. Yeah. You're like, God, this guy rocks. He's got a fucking apartment. Yeah. He's living right, dude. Same thing, like high school, a buddy had an apartment.

He'd already been to war and back. He was hanging out with 15-year-olds. This dude's a fucking man. Did you hear he threw a grenade into an orphanage? That's hard.

He still gets paid. He was honorable discharge. He was just following orders, man. I'm friends with a war criminal. No, I'm not doing Science Olympiad this year, Mr. Metsmaker. I have to drink beer in this guy's truck this weekend or he's going to tell everyone that I'm a homosexual. We would do power hours in his van.

Get the fuck out. Power hour. It wasn't like a fucking rape van. It was like a Ford Windstar or whatever. The winds blow different sometimes. Power hour, God. That was a good laugh about rapists, guys.

Yeah, we covered it all. Swastikas, rapists, the bodies of pussy. Touch them all, baby. We touched every back. Can we do voicemails or no? We can, but... Will we be able to hear them? This is down right now.

We got to get this fixed the TV's charging? what does that mean? does it run on coal? the television's charging? fire up the generators oh okay that's causing buzzing again

sorry okay alright that's cool we'll do that separately I guess can I give a shout out to one of your own? yeah

fucking wanton Don dude that man changed my life really? I was fucking watching his content back in the day before he was even barstool affiliated yeah and he was just a you know a dude who liked beer like bumping around in the world and i was like oh there's a place for me out there yeah really he did it in such a in such a like it's almost um like it sometimes i think his personality almost doesn't match that, you know? Yeah. Like he's kind of very normal in a way, and I expected him to be I don't know what. Like when you're a guy who just picks up and like I'm going to go teach English in China.

And like. For a decade. Yeah. And not learn Chinese. Exactly. Right. Right. And like the way he does it, you would think that he'd be like this fucking crazy, like

hippie, dippy, weirdo, whatever. And he's just kind of like, yeah, I don't know. What's up, man? Like, I like sports. Yeah. He hangs out. It's just it's very he's certainly one of a kind. That was like that's like representation is important.

Like that guy represented like my wanderlust for the world without becoming like a pretentious dick about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not. He's totally. And he'll always like he'll inform you if you want to be be informed on it but not like rub it in your face or whatever.

Very cool guy. Have you ever seen when he got his ears cleaned on the side of the road? Dude, I've seen it all, dog. That was – that changed my life. Yeah. When I saw that, I was like that's the kind of shit that can be in your ears. Yeah. That's not pussy.

I told my dad. I like how you have a very binary view of the world Either it's pussy or it's not pussy That's actually great We can go through the list And just like pussy not pussy Shampoo bottle pussy Lunch meats Pussy

Like a loaf of bread Pussy. Oh, yeah. What's, like, a loaf of bread. Yeah. Pussy. Sea anemone. What? Like a sea cucumber. Oh, oh.

Well, that's almost like dick. Yeah, I've eaten that. So, pussy. I keep looking at the camera and doing 80s movie bits. That's great man alright dude well yeah we did touch them all yeah and so

and we just don't know about the movie with Running the Light Garth Ennis wrote the screenplay the guy did the boys and Preacher oh wow so yeah

I'm pretty fired up about it yeah I mean I would hope that means that it's gonna I guess crazy things can happen. But I feel like when you start to put in that much effort and money and shit. I have no hope for anything ever.

Yeah. I've been a comic for too long to get my hopes up. Yeah. Getting your hopes up is the stupidest thing in the world. Really, when you think about it, it goes back to the ignorance is bliss conversation. Expectations are the root of all evil. Yeah. If you have no expectations expectations you can never be upset

it's very well said if one day a movie falls in your lap then so be it and also if it comes out as a piece of shit I didn't write this green book bro go read the books the book's better than the movie I swear I'm George RR Martin blame the other guy

what a fucking free pass that fat idiot he's just in New Mexico just like living a renaissance festival every day. I was going to say, he runs the Jets blog. Stop talking about Zach Wilson and finish the fucking book. Can you imagine how mad those guys look? Is that true? Yeah, yeah.

Swear to God. He talks more about the Jets than anything. He's not going to finish the book this year, dude. Never, never. Now, if he has Aaron Rodgers, there's no chance he's gonna do anything but watch jets football and those two poor bastards legitimately had their careers and potentially their lives ruined by the fact that this fucker wouldn't finish oh that the one you wrote was terrible no kidding i'm not a fantasy savant i'm just a fucking like screenwriter and

television of course i couldn't come up with a good fucking ending. Yeah, I don't look like Santa Claus. Of course I didn't create a world of nerds and magic. I don't wear suspenders and train conductor hats. Of course I can't come up with this shit. Yeah, I don't wear wooden shoes, George. I didn't know he ran the Jets blog. So funny.

That is awesome. He'll just be writing about like, yeah, I think the draft this year was really good. We filled some holes. How about you tell me what happened to the fire and ice, you motherfucker? That gives a whole new level to that guy. Totally. Alright, so everybody go get the book

and hopefully be on the lookout for the movie. I have a Don't Tell Comedy set. I dropped a 15 minute little micro special on DontTellComedy.com. Awesome. Watch that. SamTalent.com, T-A-L-L-E-N-T. I got dates everywhere, including Union Hall this Thursday. Oh, great.

The 30th. I have one show that sold out immediately, and we added a second one. So get those tickets for the first one. Dude, we've been having this conversation with multiple people recently. It just seems to keep coming up. I think the whole comedy world should just do one show. Brother, I'm with that now. It's just philosophically, though, one show.

Be grateful and be happy that you made it to where you're at. Don't want and long for more. The money you can maybe make it's like it might go good but it also might ruin the first show like you're so happy you sold the first show sure and you immediately throw that to the side yeah and give yourself stress about another one you couldn't be more right it's just for so long you don't sell any tickets yeah right and then you sell out and you're like whoa i sold them all and then i become god imagine anything else in life you're like you're you're You're doing a test in school.

And then they're like, you know what? You have a whole other test to do now. You get to the final question. You're like, I'm done. They're like, no, you don't. You have to do it all over again. You'd be furious. By the way, you got 100 on that first test.

Yeah, you got 100. And you don't know what the second test is on. And currently, there's 28 questions on this test. You finish all your chores. And then someone says, and you get all the money for the chores and you're happy about it and they go now just do it again yeah no yeah fucking no and when you do it this time all your friends are going to be there they're going to think you lied about the other chores you did successfully yeah there might actually be chore industry in the room for this

one there's people who want to see if you actually do shovel at a professional level. Like, I don't have an agent or management, so everything I do is just like, oh, sure, golly. I live in the woods. I confuse dirt for poop. Yeah, of course. The big city wants me again? You got it. Oh, man, that's fucking great.

Well, yeah, go buy the second. Just buy the tickets. Who cares if you can it oh man that's looking great well yeah go buy the second just buy the tickets who cares if you can show up you sell the tickets right it's a tour deal so i don't care if you show up i'll put reserved out i love it yeah thank you for coming thank you guys for having what a joy this was first guest in the new studio i'm honored thank you you'll be a trivia question one day at the very least. Yeah. Which comedian died? សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.