KFC Radio - Jason Biggs, Tompa Bay, #FreeBritney, and Jose Canseco Takes a Dive

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -KFC and Feits talk about the absolute domination that Tom Brady has had in his career and what could possibly further his legacy -Was the Weeknd's halftime show good? -A New documentary about Britney Spears has released called Framing Britney Spears and it's fanned the flame of the #FreeBritney movement once again -KFC saw the most disturbing video of his life this past weekend -Jose Canseco took a dive at Rough n Rowdy -Top 5 Worst roommate situations -Voicemails Jason Biggs returns to the show! We talk about the Tom Brady winning his 7th ring, how he became part of the porn table read for 2 Bears Live, staying in touch with Eugene Levy, hosting a game show, and much more. Check out Cherries Wild, a trivia competition show on FOX. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JasonBiggs Subscribe to the KFC Radio Youtube Channel for the full podcast: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to the KFC Radio Clips Youtube Channel for the best clips: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCspldj_2KhBix7eVxe2H8xgYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Every time my life is threatened, I get an erection. It's a horrible problem. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's another fucking, you Network. Here we are again. It's a nice day, Kevin. We do it when he makes the playoffs. We do it when he gets into the Super Bowl. We do it when he wins the Super Bowl.

I have a take. Tom Brady has won too many Super Bowls. No, I mean it. It's like... It's not... For me, it was not eventful. Oh, it wasn't eventful. Oh, it wasn't eventful. I loved it.

I had a great time. The game was such a boring game, really. It was a bloodbath. And early on, it was nothing. Early on, it was low scoring and nothing was happening. But then he won, and it was just like, he just won too many. It's like watching a home run hitter hit a home run. It's just like, okay, it's just what he does.

Yeah, but that was one that we earned, because as Tom Brady fans, there's been a lot. I can't do it. There's been a lot. I know what you're doing. I know you're doing it on purpose. I can hear it in your voice. Every game has been a nail-biter, Kevin.

We earned an easy one. It's just, i mean i we can't do the argument again we've done it so many times but i said it last night you know it's it's embarrassing when gaz is the only voice of reason in your gaz paul playoff paulie is the only voice of reason in your fan base no i don't think so yeah no he is no there's a lot of people who agree with him i'm just not one of them yeah there's there's none that are except for like who who who like public facing is is like us nobody i think dave is closer to him dave is dave was like bizarrely absent last night i feel like i think they were doing the live stream i always when i'm on a live stream i always forget to tweet or do anything i'm just figuring people forgot about that yeah yeah i mean i hate you i mean i just hate you guys it is it's a crazy thing it's a crazy thing it is he's officially i mean he was

he's got to be the person who's become officially the greatest of all time the most times like every single time he was a super like all right and now it's you know i think he's becoming i think he's becoming what we always talk about on the internet, like what people are saying. Like are there still many people who are not giving him credit? Not giving him credit, but just like people saying this was built up as a legacy game. It's not a legacy game for Tom Brady. This is his 10th Super Bowl. It's not a legacy game.

It's like, well, it is a legacy game in the sense that he just keeps extending his own legacy, where it's like, now you can add that he took another team to the Super Bowl. You know what I mean? It's like he didn't need it, but it is just further cementing his legacy. Yeah. It's like, had he won another one with New England... He got a 700 win percentage in the Super Bowl. Had he won another one in New England, I feel like that would have been

like, almost not worth anything. That's just truly bringing Stan to the beach. But winning with another franchise, I think, is a whole other layer to your resume now. Yeah, I think it makes you the winningest franchise in NFL history. Right. Four since 37.

That might be, you know, we talk about the Gretzky stats, we talk about Maddox and Gwynn and Babe Ruth and these numbers that jump out. Four Super Bowls after the age of 37. It might be the most impressive one ever. Four Super Bowls, period, is one of the biggest stats ever. He's got more Super Bowl MVPs than anyone else has Super Bowls. Any other quarterbacks?

37. How many of the major quarterbacks play past 37? I'd imagine a lot of them are tapping out right around then. Yeah, I think Favre was like the crazy one. He did 41. I don't know the answer to that. What did Montana do? What did Reno do?

But I know Brady now has two more Super Bowls than Peyton, Breeze, Rogers, and Brett Favre combined. Combine them, he's got two more Super Bowls. That's crazy. There's another one that's like, you combine all their touchdown passes, he's got like, Super Bowl touchdown passes, he's got like 15 more. The stats that came out after

last night are just all fucking bananas. These are the only quarterbacks to start in the playoffs 37 or older. Click that more items to see how many more there are. Because there's not many. Brady, Breeze, Rivers, Roethlisberger, Rodgers are the only people to play in the playoffs past 37. No, that can't be right.

Because Brett Favre on the Vikings was definitely over 37. Here are the five quarterbacks starting in the playoffs. This might be for this year. Yeah. Oh, okay. No, because Rivers wasn't in there. No, Rivers and Nevis Colts. Oh, the Colts. Right, right, right. Okay, because Rivers wasn't in there. No, Rivers and Nevis Colts. Oh, the Colts.

Right, right, right. Yeah, okay. Because, yeah, Favre was definitely, I want to say, 41-42 on the Vikings. Yeah. So if there are five this year, then there's a good amount. Who have won Super Bowls? No, there's not. Not won Super Bowls, but just started in the playoffs.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I bet you it's really not that many, though. I bet you there's not that many more on the legendary list. I'm sure there's people who like Josh McCown sneaks in or something like that. I think when you talk about the legends, so many people hobbled towards the end. I think that you are right in the sense that the Super Bowls are beginning.

Well, I want to get double digits now. Now we're going for 10. Is it 7 right now? Is it 7? I think you'll get 9. now. Now we're going for 10. He's at 7 right now? He's at 7. I think he'll get 9. I don't know if he'll get 3 more. Perfect World, he comes back to win the 10th in New England. But I think last night, Mike Evans is already saying he's going to take less money.

Yeah, because now you've got the New England effect. Even more veterans are going to be like, well, I want to come play down here. That might be his legacy. That would be a legacy. The greatest team builder of all time. If he makes New England South, if Tampa Bay becomes a perennial contender because of him, people take less money to play with them. His fucking division.

People want to coach. The starting quarterbacks in his division are going to be Teddy Bridgewater, Jameis Winston, Taysom Hill, and Matt Ryan. So now like that. Do you know how good Tom Brady is? Your theory about how Tom Brady, like everything he touches. Mm-hmm. He had people yesterday saying that the Super Bowl MVP should be Todd Bowles.

I mean, that's not. I don't think that's, I mean, it's crazy because no coach has ever won an MVP. But I think it's fair to say that the defense played great. No, let me tell you why it's crazy. Because Todd Bowles is a fucking, he was awful. He was an awful head coach. And I know he was a great D coordinator before and clearly a great D coordinator after,

but it's like Tom Brady has people... Somehow that's Tom Brady's... Not fault, but credit. He deserves credit for that. I think he deserves credit for... I mean, Todd Bowles was a defensive coordinator last year. Didn't... That's what I mean.

Everything he touches is fucking gold. You have to decide right now. If I, if I said you have to pick between Tom Brady and the Patriots, who would you pick? Patriots. Tom Brady's not gonna play forever. Are you sure about that?

Yeah. Cause I mean, Tom Brady's not gonna play forever. I'm going to be a Patriots fan my whole life. I'm going to be a Tom Brady fan as long as he exists. That's, I have no qualms about that. If I,

if I told you he's going to play for five more years and win three Super Bowls, but you let's, you know, magical world, you like can't enjoy them or experience them because you've decided to be a Patriots fan. That's fine. I'd do that. I love to. It's unprecedented. It's an unprecedented man gets unprecedented fandom.

I know you say that. I mean, yes, I get that. But it's not like the fact that there's just never been another fan base to do this. And I know there's never been a man to do what he's done, but there have been great players in all sports that are transcendent. And then when he's gone, that's it. He's not gone. When he's off your team. Nah.

That's it. Yes. I mean, I get what you're saying, and I do the same if it was like a team i didn't like but like if you haven't lived through it like i just like we've talked about this before i just don't really have like patriots memories before tom brady so it's like i was like a brady fan and a patriots fan i would like raise children that i never want to have please god in a i would raise them as patriots fans and like because that is where my heart is but i would tell them tales of tom brady all the fucking time yeah i just i just think there's there's there's rules

of engagement and i'll violate them i'll see i'll go face and that's why i mean we've said it before it's all it's all made up we're talking about talking about rules to how you react while watching people run around on your TV and bring a ball across an imaginary line. So it's all made up. It's all stupid. But within our stupid world, there are just rules you have to abide by. Or there's no – you can't do this. You know what I mean? I get it.

There are rules, Donnie. It's not nom. There are rules do this. You know what I mean? I get it. There are rules, Donnie. It's not nom. There are rules to this. And if that, it just bothers me because then retroactively, I just wouldn't have cared as much. Like, I wouldn't have let it bother me as much just knowing. Like, I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have treated the Patriots dynasty as, like,

this horrible thing in my mind had I known you guys were just going to jump to Tampa Bay next. I don't think anyone's like, I think people are just rooting for Tom Brady. I don't, but if he was on Houston, if he was on fucking Tennessee. Yeah.

But yeah, I'm not saying you're rooting for the Bucs. You're rooting for Tom Brady, but you are rooting for his team just as hard as you've ever rooted for the Patriots. Um, no, not really.

No. Oh, come on. How many like videos and shit did I put up last night? If it was the Patriots, I would have been like, fuck it, like selfies, screaming, going crazy. I sat there, drank some waters, come on. How many videos and shit did I put up last night? This is the Patriots. I would have been like, fuck it, like selfies, screaming, going crazy.

I sat there, drank some waters, gave some claps. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I feel like the level of – I did have a few beers. Actually, no, I had no beers. I had two glasses of wine. I think the level of excitement from some of the Tom Brady fans is right there with the level of Patriots fans. I mean, maybe. right there with the level of Patriots fans. Maybe. I think he's just

something unlike we've ever seen in sports in my lifetime. He's better, but we have seen guys like him. Who? LeBron James. LeBron James is nothing like Tom Brady. Tom Brady's been doing this for 23 years now. He's at

18, LeBron? It's not that far. No. He's at at least 16, he's at 18, LeBron? No, he's at 13, right? No. No, he's at, like, at least, like, 16. He's not 17. He's 17. You're right. So, like, there are examples of it. And I like LeBron.

But I don't think there are people who are, like, the Cavs fans are not. And it was a little more, like, heated the way he left and shit. But I don't think. There are definitely LeBron fans. But I don't think, like, the Cavs fans are going to Miami, are going to the Lakers. I think they're going to the Lakers now. I think the first time they left, there was a problem. They deemed that selfish and all that, but I think

people who are LeBron fans in Cleveland now root for LeBron still. I don't know. That's what I mean. Maybe, but there is enough from the Patriots fans doing it that it's like a narrative and a story. You don't hear about the Cavs fans turned Lakers fans. I think I did it in the blog when he changed teams. It was like, I'm going to be a Tom Brady fan forever.

Because he raised everyone who's around 30 years old in New England. We were just brought up on Tom Brady. I think what I don't get is why there's not more anger. This should have been your Super Bowl. They should have figured their shit out. Like, clearly him and Gronk still can fucking ball together. So whatever made Gronk be like,

you know, I know, like he clearly was injured and all that shit, but he was like, I'm not risking myself anymore for like this franchise. If that was smoothed out, if Brady and Antonio Brown smoothed out, like this all should have been in new england ah i don't know about that antonio brown ruined his own time in new england i don't fault the crafts at all or the patriot organization at all for cutting ties with him when they did

i i i don't think the team this year was uh a tom brady away from being so like i just i just don't think it's all kind of cam newton's fault this year I think even if Tom Brady stayed they fight for a wild card spot I would be surprised to see them get through but so if you see like if he plays like five more and wins a couple you're not gonna be bothered by that I will be bothered by it yeah absolutely I'll also be happy for him but I will

be yeah because it feels like one way or the other needs to be like now the are hoping for a shot at Mitch Trubisky maybe like it is there is no hope on the horizon welcome to hell motherfuckers One way or another needs to be like – Now the Patriots are hoping for a shot at Mitch Trubisky maybe. Like it is – there is no hope on the horizon for the Patriots. Welcome to hell, motherfucker. Because there's just nothing to do. What are you going to do if you don't get a quarterback? God, that would be great.

I don't know. I don't know what you'd do. You'll just root for Tom Brady. Yeah, that's exactly what I'll do. Are you going to raise your kids to be a little fucking paper hands bitch like you? You guys are the paper hands of football. First of all, not going to have kids. Second of all, I want to get that clear every time it's brought up.

You know what that also means. That ensures that you're going to have kids. I forget it all back. Have you just seen enough people with kids to just be like, this is all terrible? It's not even like my friends drove the point home. It's never been something you wanted and now it's just like every time i've ever seen someone walking with a child i'd be like i just always thought you'd be having more fun if that wasn't here definitely this is a fact like i see i remember very vividly like back pre-pandemic like walking through time square and then we're coming back from serious or something like that

i don't know. And just, like, a mom pushing a carriage with a crying baby in it while a dad, like, drags a kid behind them. It's fantastic. Just like, wow. How is humankind so bad at this, you know? Like, think about how much work it takes to keep your kids just alive. Like, other fucking animals, you know, you shit them out

and they go, like, hunt right away they you know you shit them out and they go like hunt right away you know you have a baby and for the next like 14 years you need to take care of it like every single day before it could like make its own food that's crazy at least 14 years at least right nowadays like 25 30 live at home until like 25 30 right but i was trying to think of like when could i like finally like cook a grilled cheese sandwich myself or something you know what i mean why can i just like throw a hot dog on a grill and like all right i could survive if like my parents died right now it's crazy that's why some people think that that they're uh that there is like some alien shit going on there's just such a gap between like us and every other animal that

they're like it just doesn't add up that they're had there that well not had to be because it's like such a far-fetched idea but that like there was some sort of alien intervention or someone came down and like sprinkled in some dna or whatever because it's just like there's no everything else like you know monkeys are kind of similar and then there's just yeah there's just like what the fuck is that gap there the missing link and all that shit and it's like makes more

sense to be like well it's probably aliens then to just be like well no we just like normally evolved at a trillion times faster than everyone else I guess I had a lot of

that that's good what about if just aliens fuck monkeys that yeah I think some people think that that it was just like a kind of a cross, like interspecies type of thing. Beast reality.

God frowns upon that. Maybe aliens don't, though. Maybe aliens are like, don't fuck those monkeys. I mean, Tom Brady probably is not. He's not of this earth. Right. And the thing is that you started this by saying that Super Bowls don't really count anymore, which I agree with.

So you know what the new goal is? What? 49. 49. 49, Arch Manning gets into the NFL. Tom Brady versus Arch Manning. So when he's 49, Arch Manning will be like 23 or something, like could be in the league? And I want that.

That would be some shit like fucking... But he's got gonna then make the super bowl is just playing each other just kills another generation of manning that would be just like that's some like fucking movie like veteran cop shit when like the new kids on the floor like i started with your father good guy yeah like i know that's actually more that's like some game of Thrones shit. Like, I'll take out your whole lineage. Yeah. I'll wipe out your whole fucking house. You know? Can you imagine, like, you want to talk about, like, legacy games and fucking press build up to a game? Tom Brady versus Cooper Manning's kid.

What if, what if, what if he beat him? What if he was like. If Arch won? Yeah. Because then, you know what? I mean, then it's like eli and arch are like what up yeah and then payton's like you see payton's fucking private jet oh it's rsa's but yes oh man that thing is like a fucking like a house yeah it's crazy

that's that's that's next level shit that was like a yacht flying through the air. I'll say it was too big. Can't have it private. I've flown in private jets. I don't really care for them, to be honest. They're awful. Awful experience. Yeah, look at that. That just looks like you're sitting in a basement somewhere.

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maryland maryland maryland matters enough yeah cool flag oh i'm so sick of the flag if you have a state flag that you care about you suck if you care about your state i think you suck but you're you're also i think you're meaning to insult the city of Chicago, who they don't even use the state flag. They just have a city flag. City flag. Like, oh, it's just so cool, man. I'm like, it's just light blue.

The Illinois state flag sucks. It's like a bird. It just. But the Chicago flag is just the blue bar with the red stars. People from Chicago. That's the first thing they'll tell you. You seen our flag? Yeah.

We've all seen it. Yeah. We've all seen it. Yeah. We've all seen it. You jam it down our throats. Right. I've also seen pictures of the lake that you live on. And guess what? It's sunny there in the summer.

Yeah. You didn't know it gets beautiful here? Yeah, well, I figured it gets everywhere. Yeah, seasons. And does it get cold in the winter, too? It's just a normal fucking city, guys. With alleys of garbage or something alleys and garages alleys and garages classic chicago idiots uh so go to garages the garage

is a good time a garage is fine it's just not a chicago thing yeah i like basements i like uh fucking addicts i like this is classic chicago living in a garage. Just a couple guys in a garage. Having a hot dog in a garage. I'll tell you what. I have never hung out in my garage and had a beer. Not once. Never once. Never.

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call 1-800-GAMBLER. I did the dog walk worst days of the year. Because today, as we record, this is the day after the Super Bowl, which is one of the stereotypical worst days of the year. Worst days of the year are something that's funny because I think you might have actually said this before,

so never mind. What? It's just like they stop mattering. Well, that's what's funny. So, I mean, I did it. There aren't worst days of the year anymore. They invited me because that was, you know, when I was younger and blogging,

it was like that was my thing, talking about all the worst days to be at your job and all the worst days to be hungover and just all the worst days. And, like, I mean, it's sad, but life just breaks you eventually. early parenthood life had I just accepted that and not to be dramatic about it but like you just have to accept that life is going to suck a little bit more and like a lot of it more but like a little bit more like I used to go home and be like I want to watch the game tonight and when the kids were up all the time I'd be like fuck I missed the game you know or like oh my god that new series is out and like everyone's watching it and I haven't even seen an episode yet because of the kids and this and that. And then eventually I just like was like, OK, that's just the way it is now.

You know, it's almost like when you start working and you're like, this is so terrible. I have to work every single day to get up every morning. And then eventually you're just like, OK, this is just life. I can't I can't like think about it and complain about it every single day. Yeah. But you have to accept. Yeah. You don't know what I'm talking about.

No, no, no. I do no i do yeah it's just you just have to accept that it's not that fun like life's not always that fun but if you if you're okay with that then then you become oddly okay you know what i mean like like accepting that just just letting it in it's like let the fucking let it in and just then go from there rather like i was trying to force it out and be like no no no no that's not gonna be my life like you just have to let it happen yeah but then you you do fine i was about to say something super problematic what go we'll cut it i was like it's like if you're i've always said if i was if i was gonna get raped i would just let them have sex with me

I would just have sex with them maybe you can leave it in I don't know basically you should let life rape you if you let life rape you then it's if you don't resist then you just have some sex this is all

this is all getting cut because I have a question now. Has anyone ever tried to kiss a rapist? What if you just started making out with them? That would flip their fucking script. You start raping me, I just grab you

and start passionately kissing you. What if I was kissing your ear and shit? Like nibbling on your neck. I want to get on top. I'll put a fucking finger up my rapist's ass. I'm going to try to get you off. I'm going to try to make sure this is the best sex of your life.

Now we're leaving it because it became funny. Now we can leave it. Come on, we can leave it, Nick. I'm swatting over here. Now we can leave it. Just a little R word. No big deal. It's like what I say actually again this is comparable i'm kind of making connections here it's very creamer jerry

that's my ideas i was gonna say it earlier when you're talking about like how people are like well we don't even know how there's such a separation in the species yeah and i've said this before i don't think anyone's ever tried just leaving an infant alone. Like when people are like, I can't come out tonight, I have the baby. See what happens. Why don't you just try leaving it alone, and we'll just check. Why don't you stop being just a little fucking pussy

about it, and be a goddamn giraffe. For real. Follow up question. How do giraffes not break bones when they're born? For real. How do giraffes give birth? I couldn't even high five a giraffe's asshole And you're gonna drop a newborn Out of a pussy

And it's just gonna fall and they don't break a leg You know what I watched the other day? My kids wanted to sleep over at my mom's house Sleep over at grandma's house So I stayed there the other night They watch like a National Geographic They watch these vet shows Veterinarians run around around town and like minnesota and help out the animals and shit brother there was this cow trying to give birth and the baby was breach and they just

fucking like fist them right and they threw a fucking chain in there and like wrapped the chain around the calf it was dead by the way the baby they're just trying to save the mom which they gloss over they're like okay they get you know the baby's terminal i was like what and they just all fucking like yank on this chain and rip the fucking baby out of the cow and they're covered in shit and goo and shit and i was like mom what the and she's just like yeah this is like my show that i watch i was like what the fuck is wrong with you what the absolute fuck she's like yeah it's like dr you know like smith is out there on the farm i was like but you know that's probably around around five when I saw When Nature Calls. So I get it.

Yeah, it was very much like that. It was the second most disturbing video that I saw this weekend. I got this video in Pennsylvania. Has anybody seen this? Nobody saw this? This is one of the craziest videos, I swear. I mean that. One of the craziest videos I've ever seen.

It's in Pennsylvania. There's a couple, and they're snowblowing, I think. Shoveling. I think it's snowblowing. And I think they were blowing snow into this guy's lawn. Okay. And he got mad, and he comes out. He's like, what the fuck are you doing?

And this guy and his wife, and this is all through, like, a doorbell cam across the street. But you can hear it. The audio's on. And they're like, shut the fuck up, you pussy. Fuck you. What are you going to do about it? You fucking pussy. And the guy's like, you can't really hear him. The audio's on. And they're like, shut the fuck up, you pussy. Fuck you. What are you going to do about it? You fucking pussy. And the guy's like, you can't really hear him.

He's muffled. And they're like, we're going to make your life a living hell, you pussy. And the wife is fucking chirping. And he comes back out with a gun. And he's just like, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. And he's like a bad shot. So they're close. But it's not just like boom dead like it

and so they're like both kind of hit and uh the husband or the guy like hobbles away into his garage where you know if it was in chicago it would be a fucking party and the wife is still out there in like the snow and she's just kind of like laying there and the guy walks back in and then comes back out with a fucking like machine gun. And is like, you should have kept your fucking mouth shut. And then walks into the garage and you hear. And he just wiped them out. All over fucking shoveling snow.

Jesus Christ, Kevin. It was insane. It was like, I mean, the screwdriver murders, the pain Olympics, the little girl getting hit by the train, the beheading videos. I mean, out of everything I've ever seen on the internet, it was like. Where did you find such a video? It was on Twitter. It's on Twitter right now still, I think.

I couldn't believe how much it was out there and not being taken down. I mean, it was one of the most harrowing things I've ever seen in my whole life. And I've seen it all. I mean, we've seen it all. It takes a lot for me to be like, whoa. He'd probably just shovel the driveway though to be fair. I mean, there is a level of relatability. I've seen my father when it starts snowing again when he just got in the house.

Not a good scene. See, that'sing again when he just got in the house. Not a good scene. See, that's why you shouldn't have guns in the house. Because, like, there are going to be moments when life, you know, rapes you that you're going to snap. And if you've got, like, a fucking AK-47 at your fingertips, you might, you know, shoot Sharon from across the street. That's exactly why I don't have a gun. It's for me. But there's been too many showers where I'm like, if I just had a gun, I Sharon from across the street. That's exactly why I don't have a gun. It's for me, but there's been too many showers where I'm like, if I just had a gun, I'd just fucking do it

in here. This is a dark episode. This is the darkest episode maybe in KFC Radio history. There's been more in my old apartment, but I've had a lot of fucking showers where I was like, I can't kill myself right now.

The construction guys are watching. I don't think I'm a pussy. You know what's bullshit? You know what I'm mad at you about? What? You're so goddamn dramatic that when you do kill yourself, I'm going to have to feel guilty. All of us are. All of us are going to have to say to you all, like, we should have saw it coming.

All the listeners, too, yeah. Nick, start the hyper cut all the time you're you're just splash it with like people being like wow we didn't see this coming and then uh and then it's just me saying a million times i'm gonna do you seem like such a sweet happy boy i'm gonna fucking kill myself. You better leave a suicide note. With like a PS, like a Barstool blog at the bottom being like, don't feel bad. I'm giving that verbally right now. Okay. Verbal, like, yeah, relinquish all responsibility.

It's nobody's fault. No one could have seen this coming. I said it with too nice of a smile. We laugh, so it doesn't count. That's my downfall. I have nice teeth. How about your boy Marty? He's getting a whole new mouth.

I know. He looks very nice. Yeah. Why'd he go to Toledo to do it? I think he was just there. He's been living in Detroit. Okay. I think he's a quick...

That's close to... I don't think it was a long drive, yeah. Okay. The guy hit him up and I think just hooked him up for free. Got it. He was like, yeah, I'll fucking come. guy hit him up and I think just hooked him up for free. Got it. He was like, yeah, I'll fucking come. It's just funny to do that more or less on a vacation. It's like you're living in – are they living in like a hotel?

Yeah, they live in a dry hotel, I believe, though. I could be wrong on that. Then it's like, let me just go get some teeth while I'm here. Yeah. It looks great. Oh, yeah, absolutely. He's like Cardi B. Got a little bit of money.

Got to get my teeth fixed first. It's the first thing you got to do. You got ugly teeth, got to fix that. Yeah. Otherwise, people will think you're about to commit suicide. The other story that you were talking about, the horrific murder. Sanity, man. It is.

Oh, oh, oh, forgot. He killed himself, too. The police came and he killed himself. So a quick little double murder, single suicide. And he didn't feel, you said there was someone else yelling outside the door with him? No, no. So there's two people. And then when the guy crawls to the garage and the woman's out there, like a couple other

neighbors come out and they're like, what the fuck is going on? And they're like, someone call 911. And then I think you see like the door open to the house and they just skedaddle. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I also am getting the impression that like, you know, these guys. I mean, they kind of picked the fight. I don't know if they picked the fight.

I guess I haven't seen the video, so what am I telling you for? I'm just saying that the other neighbors were not even inclined to help at all. I wouldn't be inclined to help someone who's got a gun. No, I agree. That's every man for himself. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Even the guy does crawl away from his wife. Yeah, it's fucked up.

Remember that? I'd probably do it, but fucked up. Do you remember that guy who ran away from his fiancee in the movie theater that was fucked up so in like this is a dark episode kind of like it though uh during the aurora shooting like this guy like costanza didn't just fucking like jetted and like left his fiancee i think they were both fine but like oh but it's like yeah remember that time when the chips were down and you just fucking like face palms me and ran for the exit. I would try to think how I'd handle that.

I would love to tell you that I'd be like the human shield, but I'm not. I probably would George Costanza that shit. You'd probably like, I thought you were faster. You go for runs all the time. I don't. Yeah. You were in shape. Yeah.

What's the point of doing all those 5ks and shit if you can't run away from a gunman i just figured you were ahead of me i was it was a baby over there i was saving you know you're an adult uh did you see the uh the costanza commercial no last night Last night. Um, it was, uh, for Tide and it was like a big sweatshirt that had Costanza's face. Okay. And they played the,

believe it or not, George isn't at home. I think I saw a still shot of this maybe, or a screenshot on Twitter. I didn't see the commercial live, but yes, I know. I actually thought it was like a joke.

So like, obviously like the younger generation probably had no idea what's going on. They don't know what the face is. They don't but then like so i had tweeted being like that's the commercial of the night like if you don't know it i promise you it was fire and then i got replies people being like all i could think of was the george costanza song from seinfeld while it played i was like yeah yeah that's the fucking joke. That was George's answer. There's something happening right now socially with the generational gap. Generation gaps have been happening forever.

But maybe because it's playing out on social media for the first time, people are struggling to grasp the concept of like, I'm not going to know the TikTok star and they're not going to know the rapper. You know what I mean? It's making headlines like every single time. And I don't, I feel like maybe because we are like when you're on social media, you feel like you're still like young and cutting edge because you're on,

but now social media is old enough that you can be on it and be lame. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, but why are we, I'm a lame. Why are we so, when I say we,

I just mean like our generation. Cause I think me and you recognize it, but like, why are we so unable to accept that we're old? Like, what do you mean you don't know my favorite band? It's like, that guy or girl is 20 years younger than you. I'm surprised when people have, I didn't care about my favorite band. I'm surprised people have heard of any music.

There's so much music now. Yeah, right. Yes, there are obviously superstars and there aren't but like i have like fucking 15 albums now of artists that i hadn't heard about six months ago right right let alone two decades you know but there's is a very bizarre like just refusal to accept this is how it goes this is like yeah you you've aged up yeah yeah well and the super bowl is the halftime show is always like a good barometer for that where it's like if it's not you know an old classic white rock band the olds get mad and when i thought the weekend was actually going to be like a good in between of that like i don't think of the weekend as like some new cutting edge act. I mean,

he's been around for like a while. I would guess 10 years. Yeah. Like at least. Yeah. And so I remember not, I remember feeling like a lame when I found out who he was and I was probably 23 at the time. Right. And so that's like long time ago.

Yeah. Uh, but I thought that was the most like blah performance I had ever seen. See, I didn't pay super close attention. Because I know people love the Super Bowl with the halftime acts and the commercials and all that. I am still programmed to think commercial breaks and halftime. That one time a year doesn't trick it for me. I'm still like, okay, this is the time to fuck around, grab a drink, take a piss.

Go to the bathroom, call your phone. Yeah. So I don't, go on your phone. So I don't get that locked into those, but what I saw of the weekend thing, I fucking loved. I thought it was cool as shit. I didn't think it was very Super Bowl level. I thought it looked like he was performing at an award show or something.

But isn't that what the Super Bowl is? What is it? What's Super Bowl level? It's usually more like just a grander production. First of all, usually I think there's multiple people. I thought for sure he was going to need some help. Because he's a big name, but I don't think he's like that level. But I guess I think Travis Scott was the headline not too long ago.

So like Travis Scott. Travis Scott was? I think so. I think that year that Travis – but he had like Big Boy come out, and like he had a bunch of like people to supplement him. But I think he was like the... But he had Big Boy come out, and he had a bunch of people supplement him. But I think he was the main one. Was that in Atlanta? I don't even remember.

I was at that one. I was probably right. I think it was right when Astroworld had popped off the tour. It must have been when Big Boy came out. I just don't even remember that. The Weeknd's just a weird dude to me now. He just seems like an old guy. He's got the weird face now.

He's got a mustache. He looks like almost the Denzel meme when he's like Uncle Denzel. Yeah, yeah. He looked old. That's just like – I used to think of the Weeknd as like this like cool, Drake-ish kind of guy. And then he's up there like in a suit just like singing R&B. And I was like, I don't know. I thought he looked cool as hell.

I thought – suit just like singing r&b and i was like i thought he looked cool as hell i thought i thought i think you gotta my thing is i think you either got to be like a band so you can have like a drum solo and a guitar solo and you're like act you know you're you're you're doing music or you got to be like a dancer or some shit like at one point he was just like standing there walking around singing like an r&b song and i was just like this just doesn't feel like super bowl to me i i thought i mean like the opening thing looks like fucking, what's Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy? It looked like 50 of him, Star Lords. It looked like 50 Star Lords, like, set up like a choir.

I thought that was sick. And then, I don't know, I think he must have gone to take a piss or something. I missed whatever happened in between that and them all going on the field with, like, a million troops dressed like him. Well, it could have been that good of you taking a piss doing it. Well, I said I was kind of like bowling around in my kitchen, just kind of looking at the TV and I was like, oh, that's a cool visual. I wasn't really listening to

the songs. Weekend songs, I can't really separate one from the other. Yeah, I think that's also a problem too is that it's like, I don't know if it's the best type of music for it. It's like, it's kind of like this like, at times it's like this groovy fucking. Yeah, it's nice music. I'm not rushing to go to a fucking weekend concert, but it is like, it's nice music i'm not rushing to go to a fucking weekend concert yeah

yeah yeah it's nice i think that's melody might ultimately be the problem for me is that it's not gonna be like the what's the weekend song that you're like ah you know it's like doesn't really do it and then the nerve to not do the tiktok dance to the one fucking song does he not but then i guess i don't really know so that dance wasn't in the video and all that tiktok's made up the dance right yeah yeah i mean you got to do that come on and it's like the fun one with the it's like the aerobics one like come on they were all doing that yeah that's what i thought was gonna happen it was all the guys with the bandages i also thought that bandage stick didn't really have a big payoff i i think most people were just confused. Yeah. That's what I mean.

The whole thing just felt like, what's going on with your face? I thought there were a lot of cool looks. That's why I think it was cool. It was almost like a giant music video. They had this separation of every song had its own setting. Which I guess is, it's a production, you're right,

but I feel like it wasn't a good live performance. it felt like you watched a bunch of music videos which i guess is fine but i feel like i thought it was a cool viewing experience from back at home i bet because there were like three songs where i feel like he was inside or however many songs inside that house of horrors yeah well like if you're at the concert i can't even see this fucking yeah yeah so like i think it was almost made for television tv yeah that might be what's got me because you're playing to a couple of million 20 million people versus

20 000 inside so brother that was like 60 000 that fucking no i think it was packed it was they had a cardboard cut on every seat so it looked oh okay so i was like god damn that shit is full i think it was 25 000 people 30 000 cutouts okay that's not that's different then i didn't know that i was like it did we're just throwing that shit to the fucking wind. If you're getting – what's the date? You're getting down to the wire here for Valentine's Day, but you can still get your girl or guy or whoever in your life some fantastic jewelry from Blue Nile,

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Forget about music. Done with music. Get a top, top, top comedian to do a 20-minute set, and I guarantee people will be way more happy. The musical act is always polarizing, which maybe they like. Like I said, the olds hate the young, and the young hate the old. The white hates the black. The white hates the black. The black hates the white.

You know, you rap music. You rock music. You do this, this, this, this. Comedy is kind of the only thing that is generational and is kind of, like, ubiquitous. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Could you imagine, like, Chappelle just doing a set to, like, 60,000 people? I would love that.

I think the NFL probably wouldn't. But if you could do it. What would you think, just because of, like,. I would love that. I think the NFL probably wouldn't. But if you could do it. What would you think just because of like subject matter stuff? Yeah. You can tell The Weeknd play the radio songs. Yeah. You can't really tell Chappelle. But I don't know.

Remember when, was it Chappelle who did SNL? No. Who did SNL? Bill Burr, right? Where he was like toeing the line really well. And like some people were offended, but most part he kept it like pretty clean. Yeah. Like the really good ones kind of, I think, can can do it but even this like you're not offended at the

end of it right like that sucked i do think also but like if they do like the polarizing aspect of it the the like people talking about it you get way more with comedy but i also think people probably change the channel more i don't think like stand-up comedy like if you're not i mean well it depends on who it is i feel like when you get like the if you get the big names i don't think people are turning off chapelle halftime show you think no probably not but you do it for like two years then you run out of like yeah you do burr you do you do uh i think there are people turning off a bill burr comedy show yeah like all right especially like a super bowl party not even a party if you have more than two people in your house someone's gonna be having a fucking conversation

you can't even. Yeah, that's true. You really have to have your ear on it. Yeah. So I guess it probably is more people. Actually, I don't think most people watch alone. I think Super Bowl there is like the event night. Yeah.

And I don't think people are going to be like, all right, let's everyone calm down. Quiet down. When is the Super Bowl in Vegas? That's coming up, right? I do not know the answer to that. Can you look that up, Nick? I feel like that's coming in like, right? Because I think they got to do LA next.

But I think they want to do it at that like Death Star fucking. Going PFT fucked. What is that called? That stadium? The thing is awesome. Rock Qualcomm. Oh, it's just got like a shitty name. That needs like, that should just be called like Death Star Stadium.

It should be the Death Star. It's not. So whenever the Super Bowl is in Vegas, Britney Spears. A Britney halftime show right now. Dad lets her off the fucking leash, out of the cage in the basement. Britney Spears would burn it to the ground.

2024. It's coming. She'll be free by 2024. Yeah. She'll be free by 2024. Yeah. She'll be free by 2024. Brady will be in it. And Britney Spears, I mean, she fucking comes out with the snake, and she does Toxic, and she does the whole

nine. And it's like, imagine if she just got free. It's almost like Britney Spears coming home from prison. You know? And then she does the Super Bowl. I'd be very into that now you watched the documentary recently framing britney spears did you enjoy it of course i mean yeah enjoy is not the right word it's it's more it's maddening it's fucking infuriating it's weird

it's a weird dog so they wanted to like have her in it but not allowed so they were like the like the next best thing we could do was like show you how she was framed to look like this fucking lunatic and so it's like looking at everything that happened to her in like the late 90s and early 2000s through the lens of 2021 where we have changed like all the rules you know so when you know the me too movement started and mental health became a thing and uh misogyny and all that like i mean the it's weird because we lived through it i mean i guess we were like her age almost so it's like we weren't paying attention a little younger right i think a little me i think i'm like a year younger than her or something like that i remember being like well that's a hot older girl

yeah yeah i think i was probably like 14 when she was like 16 or something but um i mean the the the interviews and shit that she used to go through are fucking bizarre like ed mcmahon asking her if she had a boyfriend when she was like 10 years old there's some foreign reporter being like we must talk about your breasts are they real what's up with your breasts and she's like my breasts yeah okay and she just like answers every she was like 17 but yeah she's like 17 years old and you got this guy being like we must talk about your breasts are they real how are they and she's like you seem to always get angry when reporters bring up your breasts so let me do it real quick yeah uh and then like um i mean what drove me crazy was matt

lauer interviewing her like you know handing out life lessons like why would you do that you're an unfit mother like then we look back on it it's like oh yeah that guy's a fucking serial rapist so he has no fucking say and then and then it was also just more like and this happens when you are in the public eye so you you can't really like – sometimes it's like deal with it. But there was a family feud thing, and the category was name something Britney Spears has lost this year. And it was like, ding, her kids. Ding, her fans. Ding, her hair.

Ding, her mind. And everyone was just like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's like, oh, my God. We fucking ruined this girl and then like then we called her crazy now I have two questions here is the documentary is the idea of it

free Britney or is it just how we created someone who should be under a conservatorship because I have difference of opinion there I do think she is crazy. I do think it's entirely our fault. There are songs like Tales of this Madwoman

where there's a line like I forget when she acts crazy you made her like that. I think in regular life there's a level of personal responsibility where like, look, we got in a fight I didn responsibility where like look yeah we got in a fight I didn't make you fucking crazy

we got in an argument I might have lied I might have done whatever I'm not perfect but I didn't like I haven't been fucking manipulating you in the national media for 15 years there's a difference there so I do think we drove her crazy I think she was horribly

treated all that stuff I completely agree with. I think we talked about Justin Timberlake a little bit. I tend to stand on his side if they're painting him as a villain. They're not painting him as a villain. I thought – I think he – when she was the cheater, I think that's when it all went downhill. So like it's not really – she cheated on him. He's going to like get his revenge or whatever i think he went like a step further by putting basically putting her in the music video of cry

me a river which is like i mean you have every right to respond i guess if you get cheated on but that that to me i feel like is like a little bit like running up the score but somebody when people were like oh it's britney spears because it's not actually her in the video right it just looks exactly like her. But like, I mean, didn't everyone know that song's about Britney Spears? It's a song he made right after he broke up because she cheated. Yeah. I think that there's maybe a little bit, though, like you can kind of leave it open to interpretation. But then you do a video where it's like he's clowning this fucking like making this blonde girl dresses exactly like Britney Spears look like a fucking asshole.

Yeah. It was like a revenge shot. It was like, you know, he he took a his shot back at her which you are entitled to do but then it then she became like the villain in the media so i don't know it's like his fault but it just was like the turning point where she went from like the like wholesome girl to being like you you dumb bitch you you like diane sawyer was like you crushed justin timberlake you broke his heart like what did you do why did you do that it's like i fucking care so much about just Timberlake. You broke his heart. Like, what did you do? Why did you do that? It's like, why do you fucking care so much about Justin Timberlake?

Like, Jesus Christ. It was almost like Dwayne Sawyer was, like, his mother or something. It was, like, fucking weird. It was just weird. Like, everything was so, like, bizarrely harassing or interrogating or there was a moment where – and then, I mean, she did go crazy. Like, shaving the head was is a wild. I think some people actually speculate that was like she was gonna get drug tested through her hair.

She wanted to get rid of it. But she you know, there was a couple it was like multiple 51 50s where they police. Yeah, that's smart. Right. But like so she did go crazy, but it was more just like, yeah, no fucking kidding. So they're not saying like she should be out of a conservatorship? I actually didn't fully finish it, to be honest. So I think the end was where they really dove into the conservatorship.

The ultimate thing with a conservatorship is like, is she crazy? Yes. Like, will she be like the perfect model citizen? Probably not. But there's a fucking lot of those. So like, let her make her own decisions. And it's like, she could, I don't even think she could blow all her money if she tried because she's still working and still doing a vegas residency like you can blow all your money if you want and that's the

other thing yeah it's like if she wants to fucking snort it up her nose then like it's america man so that's where i but there was a lawyer being like there's's a couple – there's like an old family assistant who was speaking out. There's a lawyer who – like Brittany was like, I need you to be my lawyer to get me out of this conservatorship. And he was like denied counsel or whatever because the conservatorship doesn't allow her to pick her own lawyer. So he was the one being like, I was going to defend her in this case and like here's like all of the things I was going to say, but I just wasn't allowed to. And then there was another lawyer who was like – That seems like the game is really rigged there. You can't choose your own lawyer.

I mean that's like the number one thing in like right to a fair trial, right? Yeah. It's like she's not getting a fair shake. It's like I need a lawyer to like prove why I don't need a lawyer. It's like we are going to go in circles here. There was another lawyer who said, never in my entire life have I seen a conservatorship terminated.

That's also because usually it happens when you're 97 and then you die. Was she going to be in a conservatorship for the next 40 years? Does a conservatorship mean that she can't have a phone or anything? Why doesn't she just have her dad killed? That's a good question. Right? You have a? Why doesn't she just have her dad killed? That's a good question. Right?

Yeah, a lot of money. Does she have her dad killed? You're backstage at your next concert in Vegas or whatever you do. Those fucking backup dancers aren't paid much. Right. And they're nimble as all hell. They're like little ninjas. Yeah, they could sneak into a house.

Like Aria. Easy. Stab them in the fucking... No idea anyone's even there. Yeah. In fact, they'd probably be too good at murdering, and people would go, this was a backup dancer. There's a crazy Britney fan who would probably do it. Yeah, yeah.

You know? Put on a yellow shirt if you want me to murder your dad. Not a bad idea. I'd probably murder for Britney. Would you? I mean, I would... Whoever... Only if she fucking blew snow on my driveway.

She should have shut your fucking mouth. I think she, I think this might, the documentary is like popular. I don't think it's like massive though. She needs like a Netflix doc to really pop it off. Like Sarah Jessica Parker tweeted like Free Britney. Like there's some people getting steam, but you need some like heavy duty celebrities. But like, what else is it going to fucking take? Like the world knows this now like it's out there she's trapped in like the basement and nothing nothing she just it's gonna stay that way forever i think

it's wild that's that's very sad it's it's very like and i just think about like if there was comparing comparing like eras like i was thinking if there was like if there was comparing like eras, like I was thinking, if there was like – say there was like a 45-year-old guy like in the media who was like made it like part of his career was like talk to popular teenagers and like pry into all their business and ask them about their relationships do like a like a like for like once a week for like an hour if you're like we're just sit there and like so who are you fucking and like why did you break up and why did you do this and like harassing them about i mean how would that possibly go over like how how would that even be allowed yeah it's like yeah zach's got it zach's got it. Zach's got the joke. Thank you, Zach. Go listen to a new episode of BFFs. No, but I was actually thinking about Charlie D'Amelie Lalo. She's the same age as Brittany now. Imagine if someone was talking to Charlie about her tits right now.

People would be like, what the fuck was that interview? And instead it was everywhere Brittany Spears went. They're like, are your tits fake? Are your tits fake? Are you fucking? I remember like getting in like fifth grade and getting in

like recess circles being like, you see that performance at the VMAs last night? New boobs. Right. When she came out with the Oops,

I Did It Again video in the red leather and it just had monster tits or maybe she was just a child who was growing up. Yeah, I love when people do that with like young stars now like Kylie Jenner.

She looks totally different! She probably had work done, I'm sure. But you're posting a picture of her as a nine-year-old. And now she's like 22. Yeah, they're not going to look the same. Those early years, though,

when you start getting pimples and your skin is a wreck, your life is never the same. And then especially if it continues into the adult, if you have adult acne, you're never going to be happy. It's right there with the teeth. Marty went and fixed his teeth. You've got to fix your teeth, you've got to fix your skin before

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That means four hydrogel masks and the green tea moisturizer. And then you get free shipping on top of all of it. So go to proactive.com slash KFC radio to take advantage of this special offer now. It's proactive.com slash KFC radio. Brittany's one of the saddest stories going. If it wasn't for Jose Canseco, I think she might be the saddest story alive. But Jose, until he's dead, is going to have that crown. Jose is...

It's sad, but he's also just a scumbag. Oh, I don't find it sad at all. He's a piece of fucking shit. He's a piece of dog shit. It is very stunning that we didn't have a morality clause for probably the person most necessary for morality clause in all of the world. I guess it was like half up front, half to show up. And you figure if you show up, I guess, you know, they figured that's enough. Three minutes, you figured.

Yeah, yeah. And really, that's the thing. You want to be a fucking scumbag and take a dive, you're an asshole, but whatever. But just do it, like, if you did it 20 seconds later, people would have been like, oh, it was a first-round knockout or whatever. Or if he waited until he actually got hit. Yeah, take one punch from Billy. You know, one shot to the head in, like, you know, 16-ounce gloves. That's not, you know, it's not going to kill you.

Unless Shizat the Rizat hits you. That dude could fucking swing. Dude. He, like, he was watching a boxing match. Yeah. That was the fight where it's not, like, too random. Those guys, I mean, put Shizat in the UFC. He like had like,

you could see like his game was like round one, just let him swing. So I don't know if you could hear it because it was pretty loud where you're watching, but Dave,

he like, so for Ruff and Rowdy, there was this guy, Shizat the Rizzat fighting, what was the other guy's name? I eat ass. I eat ass. And I eat ass is like,

it was like the superstar on the Ruff and Rowdy circuit. So in the first round, Shizat comes out flying and stuns him a couple times. And then was doing the hands behind the back like cocky. And Dave was like, what are you doing, Shazad? You had him. You had Aied Ass. You blew it.

That was the time to strike. And I was sitting at home being like, judging by that first round, I think Shazad's A-OK. I think he knows exactly what he's doing. I think he's fucking taunting him and running up the score and he'll be okay and then he came out in the second with i mean that was one of the most vicious and you know the other knockout that we always run with the the mouth guard goes flying that's also that so i mean that dude is just like the knockout king and he knocked that dude out yeah you'd ask and had one of the coolest celebrations ever did you see like the way he just looked at the camera no i don't think he like i mean bam clocks him no like hands up no

like jumping up on the ropes like you know when they jump up on top of the cage and you see he like was so confident and knew it he just like turned to like the camera that spider was holding and he just was like like no emotion no reaction just just like I told you that was going to happen. That's the best way to do it. And a great post-match. I love McGregor. I love all that. And this person isn't real.

But Tom Hardy in Warrior is like my favorite. I don't want anything. I don't have a fucking entourage with me. I don't have a fucking jacket. I don't have walkout music. He might have had like the Marines would sing his Marine Corps song

as he walked out. But like he didn't have music. He just like didn't have anything flashy in the ring. Just sat in his corner waiting for the fight to start. And then I will fuck you up. And now I'm going to murder you.

Well, yeah, but is this the end? Yeah. Watch this stare. What? Done. Right here. The other angle. There's an angle where the camera's on him.

Looking, staring right at Spider, just being like, yup, that's fucking me. And then his post-game, his post-fight match, sorry, press conference, he was just like, first, he was actually very gracious, because I IE Nass was like dead at the moment and he was like man I don't like seeing that like I hope he's okay that's not what I'm here for I don't want anyone to get hurt

and he was like but the reality is man like I'm a bad motherfucker and like bad things can happen if you come against me it was like there was a lot of cool guys a lot of there was and then the other dude who was like the heavyweight champion or whatever who like defended his title all like very gracious nice guys he was like yeah man i gotta get back in my truck my wife's gonna be mad at me i gotta get home but like thanks a lot barstool wow and then

there's this scumbag jose canseco takes the takes the dive says he hurts his shoulder you can see him pressing off the mat to get up like that was what was crazy too Dan and Dave Dave was like oh this is so sad man like I don't think they realized that he was just fucking throwing it you know there wasn't an injury there wasn't he didn't even take a shot there was no way he fell on his shoulder he was just faking it and lying and stole a million dollars and and it was like if it was if jose did just get fucking tagged and fell and tore his knee and his shoulder that even even now even though he's a scumbag i i could see like oh man this is like we put like a geriatric in the ring and he got fucked up and he needs the money and it's a sad scene but you lose all that all

that like oh that's so sad once well it's that's so sad once yeah you stole all the fucking money he's a fucking ass now the other side that sucks too because guess what that fucking looks awful on us and i know people are like oh you guys were in on this you stay just fuck off we're not fucking smart i will say this about that when you bought when you when people bought like a mike tyson pay-per-view and then it was over in like 10 seconds not in a good way like not a cool tyson knockout like just like the shitty fights and all that like that sucks because you want to you paid to see like a boxing match if you're paying for rough and rowdy you're paying for drama and entertainment and storylines and shit

you got one you know like what would, would you rather have watched, like, Billy and Jose Canseco dance around for two minutes and 30 more seconds and, like, kind of land some punches and then have it go to the cards? Yeah. What I probably would rather, I mean, I would love to just watch

Billy fucking shizz at the Riz at him. That would have been great. But otherwise, the drama and the intrigue and the, like, the, you know, he threw it and fucked over dave and like i mean that is i think worth the the price of admission yeah i i agree with that it is it is drama filled but i i just don't like people like in my mentions being like you guys fucking stole trash yeah and

i also don't really fault them because it is like in those old days when i get a boxing when boxing was a corrupt organization and people were like oh they fucking framed this. You didn't say like that person framed it. You said boxing framed it. Yeah, you get the credit. You get the blame. Like if you put the show on and something goes wrong it's going to be you. But I mean it's the same thing every time it's like we steal our donation money. It's like no we don't.

You were in on it. That's all scripted. No it's not. You knew like why would we have like why? What would be our incentive like let's do this and then have everyone yell at us yeah that sounds like a good idea like i mean but i'll give it to jose dude can move fucking pay-per-views yeah you know like he he got a million dollars because he fucking sold a shit ton of pay-per-views so um he has a long checkered past a long history so as we watch him like sit

there on the ground and what now is one of the worst memes like you've ever seen billy standing over him jose is like cowering away so yeah so i mean the jose can say go thing was one of the saddest saddest he's living one of the saddest existences of all time now. It's right up there with Jackie. No longer intern Jackie, now full-time employee Jackie. I mean, who would you rather be at this point, Jose Canseco or her? Jose Canseco's got a million dollars. True, Jackie does not.

And he's got a bad... I mean, Jose Canseco probably lives in his own house, right? With nobody else. Where Jackie, she lives with... Come on over to the mic and explain it again. You have... So Jackie just moved to New York, which is pretty funny because the city's dead. And we got like 45 inches of snow the other day.

Yeah, two blizzards in her first week here after leaving beautiful Southern California. And you live with who? A 30-year-old Turkish woman. And that's the best situation. Yes, she's the best. A 65-year-old Colombian man and a 30-year-old French man. And you're 21?

And I'm 21. And they are all obviously older than me. The 30-year-old Turkish woman, first of all, really didn't like the 30-year-old French man at first. And like would just bitch to me about him for like a long time. Did you come into this situation like they were living together and you're the fourth or you all found this together at the same time? How does this happen? It's like when they put together a boy band and they just like grab a bunch of people i have i don't even know why i like agreed to live with

them in the first place i don't know either i swear to god if i had more money i would like get you an apartment this sounds horrendous this was the thing is like this is like you could really i i just i just like started like talking to them and I felt too bad to like back out at that time. That's so funny. You would end up living with a Turkish and a Colombian and an Asian. I could start that tomorrow. That is true though.

I feel you where it's like. The only reason there's not a 65 year old Colombian in my spare bedroom is because no one has asked. So you. If I walk down the street and a homeless man instead of asking for a dollar was like can i sleep somewhere tonight let's go baby come on i'll take the couch you can have the bed i had a roommate in college that did that yeah we we came home one night and we're like why is there a homeless man in our apartment and yeah he just let the guy sleep in his fucking bed in his bed?

in his bed I love the guy he's a lunatic for that though I'll let you sleep in my bed after you get like a fucking you know like the scrub downs they get in movies when they think they just dealt with aliens and you're in a tent and someone's like in a hazmat suit

I mean sorry it's my fucking bed I will never let a homeless person sleep in my bed. It's going on record. I think you guys are crazy for even putting out the caveats of why you'll do it. So how did this come about? Craigslist or what? How did you find yourself in this situation?

Facebook, like I just, whatever, they messaged me and then I messaged them and then I just decided to live with them and but now but now the turkish woman and the um french man they have like a you know hot little are they fucking now they have no now they have like sexual attention so then the other night i come home and they're all like really drunk and they're like jackie like come join us so that was my other question you guys hang out like is there a common room where it's like hop on the couch? I live with my best friends and we don't hang out.

I live with my best friends in college and my best friends are friends here. And everyone just goes to their corner. You guys just have a common area and you just chill. Well, first of all, I'm not really even there that much. But when we are all hanging out, usually they're drunk

because they're all alcoholics and um and so then like so then they get like all friendly with each other but then it's awkward then the next morning like we don't they like don't talk to me then like again i i they've never asked me a single question about where i work or anything sounds like you're a little offended that you're not better friends with a 65-year-old Colombian man. Well, I just don't understand. Like, don't they want to get to know me? I just feel like... No, they literally want one-fourth of the rent. That's it.

That's it. But now I want to be friends with them. Like, they're my squad now. And they don't ask me a single goddamn question. Do they work? I don't know what the fuck they do all day. Maybe you should ask them some questions. No, okay, no.

I actually have asked them multiple questions, but the Colombian man just does not... I was going to say, do they speak English? Like, barely. And it's really hard to understand them when they're all drunkenly yelling at me, too. It's Colombian, Turkish, and what? French. And are they all from those countries?

So it's like accents and spoken English? It's like fake accents or whatever. How pumped are they that they're like, we got a fourth roommate. It's like an American white girl. It's just a normal person. It's not a fucking mad list of roommates

you wouldn't want. But you can tell that they become such like the typical like California, like, they're like, are you

like just going outside? Do you have any kind of boots? Yeah, you're not ready for this. Yeah. What was I saying though? I had a point. What are you guys ever like when you're boots? Yeah, you're not ready for this. What was I saying, though? I had a point. When you're hanging out and you're drinking,

you're just drinking and talking, have you guys ever tried to watch a movie together? Who gets to control the TV and stuff? Colombian man. I mean, I've been here for three weeks. No, Colombian man, the woman is like... She's running the shit.

That's life. And the French man like... She's running shit. She's running the shit. That's about how it goes. Yeah, that's life. Yeah, but... And the Frenchman's gonna fuck her, and they're gonna have a fallout, and it's gonna be a faggot show. Now, give me the attractiveness level of these people. Okay.

The, okay, the Turkish woman... Marry, fuck, kill. Classic black-haired Colombian man. 30-year-old Turkish woman. 30-year-old Frenchman. Marry the Turkish... The Turkish woman is the most badass woman I've ever met, and she just like— Give me a scale of 1 to 10 on her.

Well, I feel bad. Like a 3? She's gross? No, no, no. She's pretty cute. She's like— Oh, no. She's pretty cute.

She's like a—I don't know. She's ugly. I mean, she's not going to ever listen to this. I guess she's like a 6.5 to a 7. I mean, I would have sex with that. So are you sure? Are you sure about that? She's pretty cute.

Like if someone said, yeah, that girl's a 7, she's pretty attractive. Uh-huh. Okay. French man who's banging her. What's he look like like pretty cute is he yeah is there gonna be some like a a fight over him oh no oh no he doesn't know um and does he have like an accent like like is he like hot french girlfriend but here's the thing is french man was very much like i asked him about his girlfriend when we were all drinking. And he was like, yeah. I mean, that's French, though.

Yeah. French women are offended if you don't cheat on them. Right. Right. Yeah. So. And then there's Colombian grandpa. Colombian grandpa.

Adorable. Adorable man. Yeah. Who are you going to kill? What? Who are you going to kill? Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Or he's going to kill you. Well, adorable. Adorable man. Who are you going to kill? What? Who are you going to kill? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Or he's going to kill you. Well, no, I don't mean like in the real life.

I mean in the game. There's an adorable man who's about to catch a cat. Why'd you go along with that? Well, because I think this is how people end up dead. That's why. I guess, no, I can't kill him. But I can't fuck him. I don't know. I guess, whatever. Anyways, it's a weird situation I can't fuck him. I don't know. I guess, whatever.

Anyways, it's a weird situation. It's just one of those things that's like, if I were to have like two months ago, if I were to have a screenshot of my life or just like have seen myself like drinking with this 30-year-old Turkish woman, 65-year-old Colombian man and whatever. Like, I was living with seven college girls of my best friends before and now I come home to this weird selection of humans.

I think this is a I would imagine this is a little more particular to New York, I feel like. Like in Boston, do people link up with weird random roommates? None of my friends have, but none of my friends in New York did either really. I feel like in New York is where – I can't tell if that's just because I don't know other cities.

But I mean there are people – it used to be Craigslist. I'm sure now it's like Facebook and social media where it's just like I just need a place and okay. And it doesn't matter how old you are, what nationality you are, what you are, what you're doing. It doesn't matter what nationality you are, what you are, what you're doing. Doesn't matter what nationality you are, unless if you're black. So, are you happy? That's what Jackie's one rule is.

I am not living with black people. Don't pin that on me! Are you going to like... I did pin that on you real fast. That's the full quote. It's not. Are you going to like... I did pin that on you real fast. That's the full quote. It's not. Are you going to stay there? Am I going to stay there?

I'm just waiting until six months until my friends come and then hopefully I can live with them. But we'll see. I don't... Yeah, we'll see. All right. So let's do...

We'll do top five based on living. Then we'll do top five worst roommates, roommate situations, top five worst living situations you could have. Okay. Number one, a roommate with a kid. Got to be terrible. It's one thing to have to live with their own children, but to live with someone else's children. I have no biological connection to you. I have no desire to feed you, I have no desire to clean up after you I have no desire to keep you alive

so like I guess I have a slight desire to keep you alive because I don't want to get yelled at you know what's worse well, I was going to say that's worse than living with an alive baby is living with a dead baby but that's kind of a coin flip

dead baby is living with a dead baby. But that's kind of a coin flip. Dead baby is quiet. So dark. My number one pick is going to be just like hypothetically living with a guy who's sleeping with a married Albanian woman whose husband is also Albanian and on the prowl looking for the guy banging his wife to a kill. Hypothetically speaking.

Again, excuse me. Paint that one again? We, again, used to hypothetically, we all joked, there was four of us, we used to say we were all going to hang signs on our door with arrows pointing to his room being like, I'm not the one banging your wife so that when he again in my in this fantasy world kicks in the door ready to kill

people he'll just shoot up your fucking your your door so if that would yeah that'd be my number one pick okay um my number two um would be i don't want to throw a hard R on them, but let's just say living with racists. I thought that was going to be a different one. I lived with some people down south one time that wasn't, it was just, first of all, awkward.

Because it's awkward to be around racist people. And it's also, it can be terrifying. i remember i was in college the night obama won the first time and they were not happy and people were just celebrating outside and one of my mates just yelled shut the fuck up out there didn't said no racial studies or anything like that but he was he was upset that a black man maybe he's just democrat he's from texas he was just a democrat thing uh but he was upset that Obama had won.

And the crowd did not take kindly to that. And they came up and just started pounding on our door. Yikes. And I was like hiding under my bed. I was just fucking horrible. I was like, I had to immediately yell because it was, so my room was here. I like Obama. Hope, we want change.

Wow. My room was right here. and then his room was here and then we had the balcony in the middle and uh so i could hear him yell out his window from my room and then coming down this hallway there were two more rooms and i had to come out and like tell those other two roommates like he just yelled out the window to people do not open that door yeah it was just like it's like open up motherfucker open up and it was just like pounding on the door and i was like no one go open that door because it's a it's a mob there's a mob of people who are very upset right now they're gonna have pitchforks and torches did you see that video during the black lives matter shit this year when they uh they threw like a can of

beer at that kid in the window that's one of my favorite videos what was it it was like they were marching and these like frat bros like were leaning out the window kind of like cheering them on. And I think they threw like a full unopened can of beer. Like it was like a like a fucking nailed it like right through the window. And they like jump back and they were like, bro, we're on your side. And they were like, fuck you. It was just like this is anarchy. It is chaos.

Nobody even knows what side they're on. Dude, the beer toss just reminded me of McConaughey's Instagram yesterday. It's just impossibly cool. What do you do? It's an old video of him and Brad Pitt at Mardi Gras. Imagine that. Holy shit. They're not together.

They're both in their houses. But they're on Bourbon Street, and you can tell they're just kind of partying up there. And they're throwing a football back and forth, and then Pitt just goes like, he's like, I'll get you a beer. You can't hear any voices. He's like, I'll get you a beer, I'll get you a beer. And he comes out and just throws McConaughey a beer, and McConaughey throws the ball back to him, and it was just like, it is.

Is this recently or no? No, it can't be. I mean, I guess they don't look super young. Well, it's certainly not. Obviously not this year or anything, but I mean, these two guys. Yeah, you want a beer? You want a beer? mean, I guess they don't look super young. Well, certainly not. Obviously not like this year or anything, but... I mean, these two guys... Yeah, you want a bear? You want a bear?

Yeah, I'm out of a bear. Shoddy camera work, but... Yeah, it's tough. It is. Just like seeing those fucking two chilling, being like, I'll throw you a beer over there. What a life. Okay, my second pick.

I'm going to go with the other R word. A rapist. No, the other R word. Oh. That wouldn't be a great roommate. Oh, my God. So this one won't have a graphic. Well, if I could just snake draft it for my third pick,

the other all worked. I'm going to go with the three all worked. You're up. Okay. I'll take it down a notch. Someone who doesn't do their dishes. Someone who's messy. No, if I could be more specific about that too.

Or as someone who didn't always do their dishes. I do my dishes now pretty often. But a roommate who will take your dirty dishes and put them in your bed. Ooh. Which is like a regular thing. I think that's like a movie thing that like – You don't do it real like i guess if your friends or i could see like a girlfriend doing that to a boyfriend sort of thing like a parent doing that

to a kid to teach a lesson like you throw the dishes in a 65 year old man columbian bed like he might fucking shoot you he might go philadelphia snow shovel on you and be like you should have fucking left the dishes in the sink you know that's what i mean that's where the the roommate situation always gets a little precarious i had a rule i wrote it on the blog many years ago uh if you are over the age i think i said of 30 i might have been like i'll give it i'll give it like 35 maybe 40 because you can get down and out whatever but if you're like a grown adult and you are two platonic men living together, you're going to kill each other. Someone's going to get killed.

Yeah. Someone's going to die. This will end in bloodshed. See, that actually, like... Because, I mean, once a year we'd blog, like, he ate the leftover pork chops. So I chopped his head off and put it in the freezer. It's like, what?

And then you read into it. It's like, well, you know, Donnie was like 45 and, likelexander was a 42 year old they were platonic roommates of course they're dead so uh i i but i also see the other side of it we're just like like we're two 50 year old men we might as well just like and it's but i mean we're just riding out the storm here aren't we buddy but like wouldn't so then wouldn't you just downgrade to like a one bedroom and like just you know whatever you can afford let's say you're splitting the rent and it's 500 bucks and 500 bucks like then just go get like a shoe box for 500 bucks and just not

have a platonic roommate who's gonna murder you that would probably make the most sense but sometimes when you're riding out the apocalypse you like company true you know like like i think by by 50 you can know like this you know, you know, I've watched this one. We'll get him next life. Yeah, like, I became a Buddhist, and we'll handle it when I come back as a Titan. But right now I'm a sheepish man, and I'd rather just have someone to watch TV with for the next 25 years until I die. That's the other thing, too. It's like you think you want to watch TV with someone, and then it's like, you know, I want to watch the Britney Spears doc, and you want to watch this and that. And then there's bloodshed.

Next thing you know, you're learning your roommate has a machete. Right. And you don't have fingers anymore. My fourth pick, I will go with a – let's say hypothetically one weekend it's labor day weekend and you hang out uh with your friends and they introduce you to a buddy they went to school with and you're hanging out on labor day and it's a fucking blast and this dude is like ripping beers and you're talking to chicks at the bar and he's funny and everything's all good and then you need a fourth roommate and you're like oh how about that dude like that we met that weekend? He's cool. And then he moves in with you.

And it turns out that he dresses up in full cyclist outfits to go for like 100-mile bike rides. And he grills chicken on the George Foreman grill on top of the toilet. And that he goes to bed every night at like 7 p.m. And like picks fights with you if you're like making any noise past like 9 o'clock. And is cheap and splits like everything in the apartment like four ways. Like he would buy like a tube of toothpaste and split it four ways. And like so you get charged like 63 cents. And then but then sometimes since he did the finances, sometimes like all of a sudden I'd be paying like 1400 bucks a month and he'd be paying like 900 bucks a month.

And I'd be like, what the fuck's going on here and then he would be grilling the chicken and uh and and like and and having a problem with you anytime you like socialize at all if there was someone like that okay that would be my pick okay that's a good pick yeah that's a good pick i i hate you mike okay i got another one um i think we're just gonna do we i think i'm getting into the game and we're just gonna do hypotheticals here hypothetically speaking if you had a roommate who every day came home from work and had to masturbate to amateur milf pov blowjob porn and he did it for two hours and it would take forever and he'd come out and he'd grab a beer in the middle of it with just a boner and and then and then he'd drink that like by the

fridge like it was the middle of the night and he was shoving his dick into the warm glow of the of the refrigerator and he just kind of chugged that beer right there while you were on the couch watching television and then he'd just waddle back into his room and then he'd finish masturbating and then he'd come out and you guys would watch sons of anarchy together because you guys like it but he'd go to bed early because he's so tired from his two-hour masturbation session that you were still really addicted to watching the tv show so you'd stay up until 2 a.m to watch the show and then the next night you were scared to tell him that you stayed up too late and watch more so you'd re-watch all of the shows you've already seen a mere six hours ago.

You'd watch those again, and then he'd go back to bed, and then you'd fucking watch six more. And then this cycle would continue for the rest of your fucking time living together, which is years, by the way. Hypothetically speaking. Yeah, this is just hypothetical. I knew the hypothetical sons of anarchy part I didn't know the boner in the fridge you know this person yeah I was going to say

I have a whole new you've gotten beers out of that fridge I've gotten those dick beers before boy it takes a special type of confidence to walk around with a masturbation boner in your apartment goodness gracious Boy, it takes a special type of confidence to just walk around with a masturbation boner in your apartment. You know?

Goodness gracious. I was nicking the graphics. Yeah, no, I think it's pretty clear we're going graphic-free on this top five. That went out pick three. I mean, seeing the R word, the other R word, and the other other r word would be a pretty funny graphic um i will go with um i'm trying to think through the rest of my hypothetical existence there's one your wife and that's it next up next up next up we got voicemails all right i got my number five okay hypothetically speaking super christian people because at some point something might happen where someone who you don't even really give a shit about but she's friends with another

one of the roommates, and she has to get something that the Bible really frowns upon because she's not ready for a child. And then when they come home from that procedure, the super Christian person is going to take offense, and he's going to try and convince her that what she did is a very bad thing, and she's going to go to hell, and she's going to be there crying. And now you're going to have to fist fight someone to defend the honor of a person who you don't even really like

but they're being a real fucking asshole and i have to fucking fight you i don't think it went well for that guy hypothetically speaking hypothetically speaking did that guy go to sleep on his bible i can't imagineothetically speaking, that person went through a table. Yo, how does the Bible... The Bible directly talks about abortions? No, the Bible... I have a Bible podcast now, so I know. Go download conventions. You know, like

there was like... Nobody was getting... No, most of the words... Nobody was getting abortions back then. Aren't fucking words. Yeah. Like, there's not words that existed. Like, we learned today, learned in the most recent episode, which is coming out today, yesterday, that the word homosexual never appeared in the Bible until 1947. They never said there was anything about homosexuality or penis.

Until they just didn't want to do it, yeah. It was just. Like, we'll just slide that in there. 1947. They never said there was anything about homosexuality or penis. It was just... Came over to America and we're like, gay people. Nah, nah, nah, nah. And then for some reason people just started believing it. People just bend words what they mean. As Catholics, we were raised that Jesus is the only son.

But different Christian religions believe he had brothers. And it is the... It. Yeah. But different Christian religions believe he had brothers. Multiple kids, yeah. And it is the, which is a real tough, tough break to be Jesus' brother. I don't know. I don't know. You know, I mean, that dude got fucking nailed to a cross. Yeah, that's true.

You know, like, would you rather be Jesus or would you rather be like Jose? You know, Jose Christ. It's just like, well, you know, I'm a farmer. I think Bartholomew was one of them. I forget the other ones. Bart was probably chilling, man. There was a Judas, not the same Judas. Yeah, different Judas.

Yeah, Judas would probably hang. But in Catholicism, we recognize the word they use that the other Christian faiths translate as brother. We translate it as like cousin. It just means like relative. It doesn't mean his actual blood brother. I can't believe that anybody believes in religion. It's wild, man. No, it's crazy. It's wild. It's crazy that billions of

people believe in religion. Straight up, if you believe in religion, you're a fucking idiot. These stories are so fucking dumb and so far-fetched, and people just believe it. Dude, Samson. This is the story of Samson.

We talked about it on the last podcast, whatever. He killed 1,000 people with the bone of a donkey. Sure. 1,000 people. He was holed up in a cave. 1,000 Philistines came to attack him and he killed 1,000 people. And his message afterwards to God was, I'm quite thirsty. I mean, you believe in this stuff.

He just wanted some water afterwards. You're one of the fucking R-words. God damn idiots, you know? Fucking idiots. If you believe in religion, just absolutely kill yourself. But for real. Because if you believe in religion, you're going to go to heaven. So why don't you just fucking kill yourself?

Well, the Bible says you'll go to hell because you desecrated the gift of life from the Lord and Savior. You know what you should do? But it probably didn't say suicide, I bet, because I bet that word didn't fucking exist. Go shovel some snow onto someone's lawn in Philadelphia and then it won't be your fault. Voicemails are brought to you by the books. You got to get the flowers. You got to get the flowers. You got to get the flowers.

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break up with them I mean that's just fucking how it goes and it's not cause they really care about the flowers it's because you know like fucking Jessica's boyfriend

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B-O-U-Q-S, like bouquets. Books.com slash KFC, code KFC. Get 25% off and make the women in your life happy this week. What's the mail? Let's go. I'm listening to your show right now. It was when you were talking about how Halsey has a really hot voice. And it reminded me of this time that this girl sent me a voice message

and I showed it to my buddies. And all of them were like, bro, she's got a hot voice. So I guess my question is, who's the hottest voice? Excluding Halsey, because you already said that was a good one like who's the hottest voice in your opinion thanks love you guys sarah koenig remember her i remember we listened to cereal and i was like i want to fuck this chick and then i saw her i was like i don't want to fuck this chick she had a great voice um halsey really does have i mean do you think Halsey has a hot voice because she's hot and that's her voice? Or like, you know, if she was not attractive but had that voice, would you be like, that's a hot voice?

Boy, it's hard to separate. That's kind of a chicken or the egg thing. I think it's actually, though, that I know she's hot. Her voice is, because I think like if you have like a raspy, like sultry voice, that to me is like stereotypically sexy. Her voice is just a very distinct, like I exactly that's halsey's voice and i know halsey's hot so that voice is now hot yeah you know but it's also she kind of sounds like what's her name the the chick from paramore yeah yeah who i also think is kind of hot oh yeah big time um but you know i think there's more like usually like sexy voices a little more like phone sex operator ish you know, I think there's more, like, usually, like, sexy voices a little more, like, phone sex operator-ish.

You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I think voices that sound like they beat me up are hot voices. Like, I was going to say, like, Nicki Minaj. You got so many voices. You got so many issues, bro. Cardi B. Gilbert Gottfried.

Let's see here. Fuck. I think... Do you like accents, too? Like Nicki Minaj, where she goes... Like that. That's the sexiest voice to me. I'm a motherfucking monster!

I'm constantly walking through zoos hard. It's an animal ground! Every time my life is threatened, I get an erection. It's a horrible problem. Okay. You know who's got a... Before I have sex, I have to go run across the street almost get hit by a car and then come in with a stiffy

then I'm gonna fuck you girl hang on I almost died now now you go I'm gonna beat the pussy up um you know like

I feel like stereotypically like when Marilyn Monroe sung happy birthday people all call that sexy. I didn't care for it. Yeah.

It's probably just because Dave's done it. Yeah, ruin that. Dave did it to Bill Belichick. God, that was disgusting. I like, you know who has a hot voice? It's Stifler's mom. Oh, yeah. Doesn't she do that?

Oh, you know, my answer is Aubrey Plaza. And again, this is the chicken or the egg because I'm so attracted to Aubrey Plaza. Again, because it's life-threatening. Yeah, she will fuck you up, man. Yeah, she'd hurt me. Whoever did the voice of Jessica Rabbit, she's hot. Anyone who's smoked for at least 15 years. Yeah, you kind of need that.

Like gravelly? That grasp, yeah. Anyone who smoked or maybe at least 15 years. Yeah, you kind of need that. Like gravelly? That grasp, yeah. Anyone who smoked or maybe ate rocks for fun? Something that would... I just said the word gravel and it was like, rocks! That's what my brain level is at. Like Puerto Rican chicks. Like Puerto Rican chicks with thick accents Rican chicks with like thick accents.

Like there was this chick, Alexis, I grew up with. And she always went, she always like, it's like that thing with her teeth. Do you want to get smacked? And I was like,

yes, I was in like sixth grade. And I was like, I don't know what I'm feeling, but I do want to get smacked right now. Do you want to get smacked? Jew does. Jew do.

Jew smack me. Mazel tov. Yeah, that was, there was this crew. It was like Alexis and Cynthia, and there was a third one. I can't remember her name. And they were just these badass Puerto Rican chicks who were like, they would either wear Jordans or like high-top Reebok classics, had their hair like plastered.

Oh, did you see Gorilla Glue Girl, John? Oh, yes, yes. mean that girl that girl had gorilla glue commenting on her on her on her tiktok being like you got to wrap your head up like with this wrap put like some oil in it and let it sit for like a few hours but like to be honest since it's been like that for a month like you're fucked so what does that mean like you're fucked like i think they were like i think our hairs are just going to fall out. Oh, my God. That's colossally stupid to put industrial-strength glue into your hair because you ran out of your hair product.

Like, some people were saying Gorilla Snot is a hair product, and she had Gorilla Glue, and so maybe she mixed them up. I'm like, I don't know, man. If something says fucking Gorilla Glue on it, you should put fucking you know put it in your hair you can squirt some elmer's in there because you didn't right you ran out of gel i could do elmer's i could do elmer that's just what uh la looks was it was just elmer's in a blue la looks i had like the la looks and it was it was the level five, and it held the fuck out of my hair. And it went all the way up to 10.

Oh, really? There was a scale on the bottom, like zero to 10. And mine was in the middle, and I was like, this is crunchy hair. There's double this? I had the crunchiest hair in the world. Oh, man. That gel phase was awful. Dude, I had the fucking gel down here gel now flipped up

with the bleach here you did the tips i don't know if i ever had like the paintbrush bleach but i definitely had a lot of bleach there i bleached my hair did you i that's the one thing i never did and i kind of wish i did oh i bleached it i bleached it blonde i dyed it red i like i did i think you if you in our era if you got frosted tips, you got a handjob. That was just cause and effect. Hypothetically, not everyone. Hashtag not all men. God, you must have been terrible.

You must have had no game. You had the frosted tips. I had frosted tips and a FUBU fucking jersey on. I wasn't getting touched. It's crazy that you didn't get a handjob or just beat the fuck up. I sold my FUBU jersey. I wore it once. I was like, this is my actual trying to find out who I am.

Not a FUBU jersey. FUBU and Mecca. I never wore. Couldn't do that. I did JNCO jeans. Yeah, that's okay. The whites can do that. Not JNCO jeans. Yeah, that's okay. The whites can do that. Not JNCO jeans.

Paco jeans. Paco's a little, you know, you're getting there. But yeah, FUBU was, can't do that. It was like a powder. Remember when they tried to change it for you by us? Is that not what it was? Because it was for us by us. Oh, I see.

And then they were like, well, let's let the white people buy two. And the U just stand for U and then the other U was us. And we're still gonna get credit for it, but we want your money also.

You can buy shoes too. What's the question here? Hottest voice. Wow. Yeah, we go off sometimes. So like, I'm gonna go with,

you know, like, who's like a hot, like, hot Spanish chick. Maybe a little Selma Hayek. Penelope Cruz. I like that one a lot.

I also feel like Sloane from Entourage has a hot voice. We're only naming hot people, so I'm going to throw Adele in the mix. But that's why, yeah. Sarah Koenig had a good voice, but she's a podcaster. Ugh, gross. If you's a podcaster. Gross. I mean, if you're a podcaster, you're gross.

Next. Hey, KFC, Fuddleburg, Miami Hammy. So I was up with a girl recently. She said I had a pretty cock. I was wondering, where's this rank in compliments for a penis? That's great. A pretty cock? Top five. That's like top one.

Definitely not top two or three. I've been told I have a... I don't know what you guys think. I was told that I've had a pretty penis, but not pretty cock. Because pretty penis sounds like emasculating. Pretty penis always comes with of... Because pretty penis sounds like emasculating. I was just going to say, a pretty penis always comes with a tap.

Pretty penis sounds like... It sounds like what a dominatrix embarrassing you would be. Oh, look at you little pretty penis. And they whap you in the fucking head with a whip or something. But pretty cock I think is great. Pretty cock is very good.

Pretty penis sounds like a cartoon character's name. What cartoons are you watching? My friend Pretty Penis. This is Pretty Penis. I mean, it's an X-rated cartoon. Yeah, clearly. It's an ad on the side of Pornhub. You want to see the adventures of Pretty Penis?

Pretty Penis sits in the corner while Giant Cock fucks his wife. My older brother's giant cock. My younger brother's pretty penis. Pretty penis gets put in a cage in the corner. I was told I once had the, I was told I had, they called it the PP. It was, she was saying that it's the perfect penis, but she was doing it in a very kind of condescending way.

You know what I mean? Be like, it's perfect. Like, not like it's perfect. Like, you know, like it's perfect for me. You know? It's like, fuck. It's like, how can you take a word like perfect and ruin it by attaching it to like penis?

You have the perfect penis. Using it to refer to your penis as have the perfect penis using it using it to refer to your penis as a four-year-old refers to his urine right the pee pee pee pee oh fuck i know you're thinking you're helping me out here but you're not just call it just call it the pretty cock i think the pretty cock sounds like the name of a gay bar maybe at the pretty cock like the flying cock yeah right it's it's it's more flamboyant than the flying cock Maybe at the Pretty Cock. Like the Flying Cock. Yeah, right. It's more flamboyant than the Flying Cock. I would guess if I had to poll the people inside of the Flying Cock, I would say it's a homophobic bar. Oh, absolutely.

Nobody at the Flying Cock is down with that. There's far too much Patagonia in there to be a gay bar. So what are the other – I still think the king is i'm sore this morning yeah um the uh i thought we added one to that recently i remember saying like remember when you say sore what about this but and i'll tell you what my old age no you know there's one person leaving sore it ain't her yeah i don't get that anymore. I get the, boy, I'm fucking sore. Yeah, I'm sore, meaning, like, I think I, like, tore my patella in my knee or something like that.

Mine is just, like, my abs just laying there trying not to fucking have it spill over. God, there's nothing worse than when you're like, man, like, oh, my sides hurt and, like, my neck hurts. Like, what did I do? Oh, I fucked. I fucked, yeah. I had some sex. I physically exerted myself for seven minutes. sides hurt and like my neck hurts like what i did oh i fucked yeah i had some sex physically exerted myself for seven minutes i was wearing a whoop the other day thinking it was gonna like

register it didn't what like i had some sex wearing my whoop and like it just didn't like oh see mine is the opposite i see embarrassing spikes yeah where it's just like do you have to like do like the start activity thing I didn't on that one. I usually do. Yeah. Not for sex, but like... Yeah, I feel like I need to do that

because I was like, all right, let's check it out and it was like, nah. Like, your fucking... Your metal detector on your wrist didn't even know

you were having sex, bro. Like, it's embarrassing. Like, dude, did you just jerk off real quick? I can tell we lost water weight, but your heart rate didn't even get up. Alright, last

voicemail, then we'll get into our interview with Jason Biggs. What do we got? What up, KFC? Hi, Nick, Jackie, anyone else? I've been re-watching 11-22-63 with James Franco recently. I got a quick, would you rather?

So if you had to be visited by one of these three people or things, what would you rather be visited by? An alien, a time traveler, or someone who actually has seemingly real superhuman powers? For the sake of argument, they could be evil,

they could be good, they could be looking for something. Whatever you guys want. For the sake of argument. Let me know what you think. Keep going. Time travel from the future. Time travel from the future.

Yeah, because that's the only, like, well, I don't know. I mean, I love aliens. I guess if I could be visited by an alien and, like, have some proof, that would be cool. I think the worst thing that would happen is, like, you prove the existence of aliens to yourself. But, like, that's it. You know what I mean? And, mean and like nobody else believes you you see that girl on tiktok who fucked the alien no so this girl went viral she's like i fucked this alien and she's

like i met this guy on like hinge he was like an hour he lived like an hour away from me but he like got to my apartment in 30 minutes which was weird but like whatever i didn't think anything of it like i don't know and then she's like whatever we have sex in the morning i call him an uber i'm like okay queen calling him the uber like nice uh the the uber like app all of a sudden says like you know drop like person dropped off and she was like that's weird again like he lives an hour away and and i guess she followed up with it as i'm saying this the story sounds fake i mean obviously it's me but as i'm like your fake story sounds like hang on now that i'm saying out loud that chick might not a fucking alien but the story goes like she followed up with uber and the uber driver was like oh yeah like he didn't ask me to go he told me to just drop him off like in this

cornfield like i didn't go all the way back to the town that you put in and then like that night there was like ufo sightings or something like that and And she's like, I fucked an alien. Um, but obviously I actually liked that. Cause I hope the idea of aliens, I like the idea of aliens existing, but not without like, you got to wait for your cab. Like he's got, he's just would,

he got dropped off that morning and he just sat in a cornfield all night being like, ah, fucking where's my ride. The boys are running late. The sons of bitches. I told him to meet me here at 10 AM. God damn it. I want a bacon,on-cheese.

So hungover. Fucked a fucking human last night. I got to get a shower and watch this stink off me. That'd be funny if you get back to your ship and it's like, oh, you fucked a human, dude? You are down bad. You are down bad, bad, man. He gets the alien brunch where they just have a human, dude? You are down bad. You are down bad, bad, man. He gets the alien brunch

where they just have a fucking, I don't know, human blood slushie. And he's just like... She told me I had a pretty cock. Did you hear what XZ5 said last night? Fuck the human, bro. I was like, no!

That would be, if aliens came down, if I knew that aliens were looking to fuck i think i'd be like relaxed about the whole thing i think they're just like us like i think you got to worry about if aliens aren't fucking because that means they're like so evolved that they're like well we're here for like eradication we're here to like colonize we're here to do but if they're just here to get their dicks wet then it's like all right you guys are just like us you're gonna make bad decisions based on like your fucking penis you know whatever we're all good you want

to fuck our women fine right sure sure there's funny to go around i've seen braveheart it's only when they refuse do you get really mad the townspeople refuse not when the fucking women well they did yeah that went not great for them either but i meant it's like the burning down of the towns. Dark. That's not what I meant! You did not tell that well then. You did not explain that well. So I think, you know, if you see an alien, you see a ghost, and then, like, nobody believes you.

But, like, if a time traveler came and was like, yo, like, this team's going to win the World Series. This is going to happen. Like, buy this stock. I don't know. Yeah, but you know win the World Series. This is going to happen. Buy this stock. I don't know. Yeah, but you know what the problem is? I wouldn't believe him.

So wait, I'm sorry. I forgot the question. Am I getting the power? No, you're visited by. Visited by. If some dude came up to me on the street today and was like, yo, I'm from the future. Or came up to me yesterday. And somebody came up to me and was like, yo, I'm from the future.

Tom Brady wins tonight. I'd be like, yeah, no fucking shit. You're not from the future, you idiot. We all know that. Even though a shocking amount of people didn't. But the, like, anything, they say, Larry O'Brien this year. I'd be like, that's just a liar on the street.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you'd have to have, like, some reason to believe them, like, the way they look or act or something like that. I think if they looked the part, I'd believe them less. Yeah, yeah. Why are you dressed up like an alien alien why are you dressed up like you're from the future fucking sketchy motherfucker i guess that's what the the ultimate like you know like jesus was running around as a fucking carpenter being like i am the son of god dude believed it i that was like not a fight my father and i had but a discussion when i was very young like outside of fucking fenway there was a guy who was just like i'm jesus and like this this is what's coming and he would have

why don't we believe that one and i was like dad yeah that's jesus he's like that's not jesus i was like well how do you why not and he's like it's just not i'm like but he says he is god kids are so annoying john that man is addicted to heroin. He's addicted to smack. He's a bad person. And I'll be honest, we had that fight the entire game. And my dad never invited me to another ballgame again. I did not leave

fulfilled. And 25, 30 years later, whatever it is, I still haven't gotten a good answer. No, because there is no... What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus. Just a slob like all of us. I hate you so much.

I'm so happy I said it in the episode. I'm so happy we're going to go right into Jason Biggs now. God. Just the worst. The worst. Jason Biggs is on the show mercifully John and I are done here

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Where like every three months they make you change your password. Yeah, no, I mean, well, GNC at the point of sale, we did. That GNC gets referenced so much. It's crazy. It's the only other thing you got, right? Yeah. Upstart makes it all easy with one monthly payment in one place so that you'll pay off

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Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash KFC. Jason Biggs, let's talk to him. How you been, man? It's been a little while since we talked. I think the world was still a good place when we last talked and now it's not. Well, it sucked. It just now it sucks for real. Yeah, that's true. It was always a bad place.

Now it was always terrible. Happy post-Super Bowl. I was going to say, yeah. So you're an East Coast guy, right? Jersey? Yeah. Yeah, I'm in the city, but yeah, I'm from Jersey. Are you a Jets or Giants fan?

Giants. So you don't really, you probably don't have much hate for Brady and the Patriots and now the Bucs because you got yours, right? We got ours. We got ours twice. So it's a little like, yeah,

I'm impressed, man. It's it's come on. It's you can hate on him all you want. No, you can't. No, you can't.

Not anymore. You can't. You shouldn't. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's,

if you, and I used, I mean, I'm a Jets fan, so I hated, it's if you and I used to. I mean, I'm a Jets fan, so I hated him more than anything. And I used to. There was a time where I could make like, you know, many years ago, there was some arguments and some critiques to be had. And then it reached a point where you just can't. And then it reached a point where you absolutely cannot. And then there's another point, another point, another point.

And we are now at the point, I think, if you try to discredit anything he does you are a dumb motherfucker you are a stupid and ignorant person i mean he has more super bowls than any other friend he's the winningest franchise in nfl history he's won seven appalling the pats and steelers have six and then the uh but god i i i mean i feel like if if to be a giants fan is such a fun spot to be where it's like. We will always be able to say no matter how he can win, he can win 10 more of these things, but we'll always be able to say we got two on you. And because the weirdest thing is the first one, obviously, was when he had, you know, the greatest team of all time and somehow get it done. And that so that stings for Brady. And he was, yeah, 16 for Brady. Yeah, he was 16-0, right?

Right. I mean, and then the second one was supposed to be like redemption for him and he couldn't get it. So there's no, it's not like Tom Brady loses sleep at night. For sure. But if you ask him, you know, if there's one other, one little thing you could change to make it like truly perfect, what would it be?

I'm sure it's those Super Bowls. I guess probably. Yes. I mean, as a as a fan. Nothing else is wrong in his life. It's like I would want to win those. I think Eli Manning actually had an interview recently where he's talking. You probably want to hide her wife, too.

If you can do it all over again, if you can really do it all over again if he could really do it all over again i i feel like giselle is probably like i bet you giselle deep down hates that he keeps winning superbowl it's like fuck he's never gonna stop he's never gonna retire right like she's probably like i just need him to go like seven and nine one year and then he'll maybe call it quits she's gonna start poisoning him with like tomatoes in his food like his body won't be able to handle this at all he hasn't had one of these seven years that's amazing you know about the haters it's funny i feel like when the deflate gate happened it gave the haters something tangible for a minute like something that they were like

see you see what i'm talking about this guy crock of shit and then he took i mean he i mean that seems like a century ago. First of all, he was like, oh, I'll see your deflate gate and I'll raise you four more. Four more! Four! I mean, four. How many guys have four? He has more Super Bowl MVPs than anyone has Super Bowls. Wow. Any quarterback has Super Bowls. There might be someone. It is astounding.

Offensive lineman who popped around. I forget. But last night, though, was the perfect thing on social media. It's like sports arguing has gotten so out of hand where it's just like. And I admit I'm a part of the problem. I will just say whatever makes my argument look better. Of course. But, like, last night I was like, he's the greatest the whole time.

And people were like, well, like, I don't know. Like time. And people were like, well, I don't know. His defense really won this one, which I don't agree with. But then I had an argument with Giants fans because they're like, Brady didn't beat Mahomes. The Bucks D beat Mahomes. And Brady also couldn't beat Manning. I'm like, well, Brady got beat by the Giants D if we want to go by that argument. And everyone just screams each other until we all piss our pants and fall asleep. Incidentally, the last one,

JPP on the last Giants team that beat him, and now he had a great game last night for the Bucs, I thought. It's crazy that JPP is out there just running around with a claw or the club hand and still an effective, good player again.

It's nuts. He was at the height of his, his shit. Right. And then I read about that and I was like, Oh, that's it. I mean, that's it. I mean, and that thing, you know, he had it, like, it was bad. Is there any more, is there anything more like symbolic of football and the fact that it's like, like, if you need any more proof positive that these guys are just like true gladiator animals thrown in the ring, it's like like if you need any more proof positive that these guys are just like true gladiator animals thrown in the ring it's like well i don't have a hand anymore but fuck

it i can still play this dude i think of it with like i think it's one of the chiefs d linemen in the afc championship had his cast on and he just had like a huge club they turned into like basically a mace attached to your hand yeah i remember back in the day there was a patriots lineman who and they were like i had tons of linemen who have done this who like broke their hand and they were like no just leave that on for the rest of the year so i feel like i'll i'll be inconvenienced except for two hours on sundays where i have because this is that valuable of a weapon to use yep animals did you grow up playing sports uh yeah a little bit i grew up i i played uh in jersey i played i played football and i wrestled for like until which is a great sport what until

what age until eighth grade and then so i was i was also a kid actor so is this weird that's a very i would not i guess i'd like miss Football Practice to go like on a Cheerios audition. I feel like it would be more like if you're a child actor, you also maybe play like tennis or something like that. Not wrestling and football, though. Well, it's funny you say that, Kevin, because then when I got to high school and I realized that, you know uh i couldn't really hang in a football locker room after i had you know just uh you know done a random you know voiceover commercial for fisher price um that uh that i actually started playing tennis there you go that's it go work on your backhand yeah ended up becoming by the way my favorite sport to play and watch now i'm i'm i'm sort of obsessed with tennis yeah the australian started last night i was trying to go to bed and then i ended up being up watching that i just love it man but but yeah i tried and um yeah i was also puny too so i wasn't

i mean i was like you know they do the for the kids grades for younger junior football they do like two two grades at a time so So when I was the, you know, when I was in third grade playing on the third and fourth grade team, I didn't do shit. And then when I was in fourth grade, I finally got to do something. And then I'd go to the next team and fifth grade would suck. But then sixth grade, they'd put me in for a little bit. Yeah. But I, I mean, I, I, I was a better wrestler.

I think that I was a football player. You got out before you got the weird ears. How long does it take to get the years? Is like is that like a lifetime of of getting you know battered or are there like i never saw any even the kids in high school that that wrestled like for real i i don't remember seeing the cauliflower ear but it's a weird i mean that is a weird it's a lifestyle more than it is a sport when you're talking about cutting weight and the cauliflower ears and the fucking weird skin diseases you all get. And like,

I remember kids like spitting in bottles in the, in the back of during class, you know, cause that, cause that would, Oh, like to get like your water weight out or some shit. Don't you just regenerate spit as soon as you spit it out?

Like I don't, isn't that something that doesn't really... Well, it's one thing when you are a UFC fighter or an Olympic wrestler or something, and you've got money and your profession on the line, and these guys probably put themselves through hell for that one time to hop on the scale. It's a different thing when you are a 16-year-old sophomore

in the back of chemistry class being like, sorry, teacher, I've got to make weight here. It's like, okay, relax. Wearing a hefty bag underneath your sweatshirt. Trying to, like, sweat. It's crazy. I think I would leave a room, like, if a high school wrestler came in, faster than I'd leave a room if, like, an armed gunman came in.

I want no part of that. If someone came in and was like, I was into wrestling in high school, I'd be like, I got to go. There's no way. This is gonna get ugly in here. He's gonna choke someone out because they're gonna question his masculinity. And he's gonna be like,

bitch, I used to drop 10 pounds on a Tuesday! It's one that I feel like you also... What can you really do? Let's say you're great at it. I guess maybe the Olympics is in your future. I guess nowadays you could pursue perhaps some UFC type shit. But otherwise. Now, actually, now it makes more sense than ever because of UFC.

Back in the day when you were wrestling in the 80s. You're like, okay, scholarship to Penn State. Awesome. And then what? Yeah. I mean, I don't really know what the end game is there, except you got fucked up ears and you're like and you're like manorexic for the rest of your life. Yeah. Yeah. But you got to you got to kiss a few guys, though. That's true. You got to you got to cut a number of sets of balls.

You had balls in your face for a large portion of your adolescence, which is listen, um, in most states, but, uh, speaking of, uh, you were involved,

I guess not speaking of that directly, but speaking of balls in your face, Jason, you, I heard, I read a story, Jason, that you like,

but you were involved in the, uh, the two bears, one cave, uh, porn porn table read if you will what what exactly was that i i know i was listening to tom and bert set the scene when they first were talking about it those guys i mean they were that's a great idea and they were so excited about it like oh oh let's direct each other's porn so let's do it let's do it and then how does how do you come to be involved in that you lucky son of a bitch i do i tell you what i am i mean it was super obviously it's random but uh you know i know

i don't really know tom i know bert um you know done his podcast in the past actually we have like a family connection to his sister anyway i've no i've talked to him known him for a while obviously hilarious great dude and um i don't even think he had my number. And then he, so he reached out on Instagram, you know, like before the holidays, I think. And literally was with no preface, no context, was just like, hey man, I'm trying to do a reading of my porn that I wrote.

You, would you be down to do the, to do the actually at the time it was the stage directions I was like I wrote like the blocking and shit like yeah like reading like and then she puts her you know yeah she puts her boobs over his face and then you know cut to you know he's naked so I was gonna read that shit and um i just literally wrote back i was like this is maybe the best instagram direct message i've gotten i have no fucking clue what it means but i'm in yeah sure i'm in and uh so he set a date and um it was yeah zoom of course and uh and then when i got there he's like uh biggs listen um so little change of plans uh can you uh play i want you to play bert me can you play bert instead of the stage directions

and i laughed i was like that's very funny okay cool totally i just thought he was fucking around and because other people laughed too so i was like oh okay anyway so about this i had a question i was like so about this one stage direction should i say this or or as well and he's like no no no can you i don't want you to can you do i'll do that can you do bert can you be me i was like i was like oh you're yeah of course if you're serious and of course you know there was like uh i don't know if you guys saw it but there's you know there was a a big orgasm in the end and look if anyone can do a cinematic orgasm for comedy that's your boy come on i'm your boy i'm your boy so bert's bert's no dummy um but yeah i hadn't even did i i did i read it before no i did i've read it he sent it to me i read it beforehand i

was like this is insane and hilarious and i'm in i didn't know that nikki was gonna do it nikki uh glazer hopped on i mean it was it was rad yeah and his wife it was great i mean when when leanne gets involved yes do you think that you've had the most orgasms the most famous on screen i guess guess it would be a, who was a Meg Ryan and Meg Ryan. I feel like that probably takes the cake, but outside of porn, do you think you had them? Like, where do you think you rank on best,

most memorable orgasm in film history? I feel like there's been a thrill list list of that. No, I'm sure. I'm sure Buzzfeed. I'm sure there is already 37 times. Your favorite actors were coming on screen. Tell us what you had for breakfast and we'll tell you what orgasm you actually are yeah you're a pisces you you come

like jason biggs yeah no but i mean you actually look that up uh i mean look it's got to be up there right i would say just off the top of my head the three that popped to mind was when harry met sally yeah uh ben stiller oh yeah Something about Mary Yeah And then my double My double Yeah you got two in there Yeah I got two just for shits and giggles

Why not I kind of remember I think you showed me the light on that one Jason I don't think I knew it was possible to fire off Another one at that point. Really? I mean, I was pretty young. I definitely didn't know.

Yeah. By the way, still don't know. I just thought that was totally, I thought that was completely, there's no way. I've never been able to do that. I don't know about you guys. You know what it is? It's like you got to get through like the 20 seconds after. Yeah.

Because that's when you get the whole meme, like when you nut and she keeps sucking. That like 20 seconds is. Yeah. Cause that, that's when, that's when you get the, you know, the whole meme, like when you, when you nut and she keeps sucking that like 20 seconds is tough and it's uncomfortable, but you can get past that. Then it's just like, you're fucking again.

Give it a try, Jason. It's I will. I will. Does it have to be with my wife? Oh, it could be with anybody. It could be with Bert,

you know, I would imagine. Yeah. I would imagine coming twice when you come into your wife. That's pretty lame. That's tough. Who does that? I mean, some guys do. Not me.

Couldn't be me, man. I respect my wife too much. Do you stay in touch with Eugene Levy? He's obviously just gone off the fucking rails now off the rails uh yeah i do i do he's the he's the best i mean you can imagine he is what you you'd think um have you have you had him on have you talked to him we were supposed to have dan on like two years

ago three years ago i i think fell through i think sometimes the the barstool rep uh i think sometimes gets in the way and i i'm like, maybe we'll come on. We could do it together maybe one day. Maybe I could talk him into doing it. Forever indebted if you could make that happen. I mean, he's he's ledge he but he's literally like he's, you know, he's like a second dad. I mean, I I adore that man. He's taught me a ton.

I keep in touch. He came when he's in the city. He'll he'll come by. You know, he lives out in L.A. and Dan, you know, Dan was in high school when we did American Pie. I mean, I've known him since I mean, I wasn't much older, but, you know, still it was I've known him forever. That whole family, the best Sarah and the mom. Yeah, that just I honestly. I could not be happier for them. It's just the nicest family and so talented. And to see Eugene, you know, getting nominated for Golden Globes and winning Emmys.

It feels like he not only I mean, Schitt's Creek deserves it all like standalone, but it almost feels like a like a lifetime achievement award or like a makeover call from the past or whatever, where it's like like, Oh yeah, this guy is a fucking legend who has done it all and deserves a lot more respect than he's finally getting. I love it. I would have given him awards for armed and dangerous for wearing those assless chaps. But honestly, the guys, yeah,

the guy's the best and Dan too. I mean, so, so, you know, I joke that I'm a little jealous to like, see him doing all this stuff now with his real son. I'm like, what about me? What about me? I mean, so so, you know, I joke that I'm a little jealous to like see him doing all this stuff now with his real son. I'm like, what about me?

I mean, I know we have like a huge franchise together. So, you know, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it is weird to see like my dad up there now doing this other show with his real son. Right. And, you know, getting all these accolades. But every single one of them are deserved. And it's just the best. I'm just telling you right now, Jason, I'm thinking of the clickbait when we put this clip out. It's going to be like,

Jason Biggs has daddy issues with Eugene Levin. Write that down, Nick. That's what we're doing. I think of all the nice things you can say about them, I stayed up to watch. Not stayed up, but I made it a point to watch the SNL this week just because I knew Dan was hosting. I had a feeling Eugene would probably pop on, which he did.

I knew Eugene. Admission, I have it DVR'd. I have to watch it. But he was brilliant, right? He's great. He's great. I mean, they're great. I don't know if there's ever been a more immediately beloved,

like universally loved actor than Dan. Once people started watching Schitt's Creek, and it took a few episodes, which you can say about any fucking show, because you need to get invested in characters. That's how it works. Now everyone will watch for 20 minutes and be like, I don't know, it didn't grab me. Because you don't care about the

characters yet. Just watch for at least six episodes and you'll love it. But as soon as people started watching that, they're like, oh, dan's the best yep and and by the way eugene already the most likable face in film and tv you can't but now he's hot too which isn't fair i know dude i want to age like him he's got like cool glasses and the whole thing i know it's incredible you know how fucking daddy now he's not he's not your father he's your daddy he's so fucking funny accomplished slick and like debonair that his goddamn gigantic eyebrows even become hot yeah you know what i mean like he made so true big fat eyebrows fucking cool he's like on best dressed list i mean dan obviously has become a fashion icon but even

eugene is just like yeah debonair like you said he's just like the rico suave over here yeah it's crazy man but i i just love them i'm stoked for them and so now you got uh cherries wild is is the new gig where uh yeah it's not Schitt's Creek, is it? Nothing is, though, brother. Like, damn it, Schitt's Creek. But yeah, I got Cherries Wild, which is a game show. I got to tell you, I'm super into the new – I feel like we're in a golden age of game shows. Agreed.

I grew up – I feel like it was another kind of, we're about the same age, right? I think maybe you're a little younger, but I remember as a kid, like staying home sick, quote unquote sick, and watching Price is Right, Let's Make a Deal, all the daytime game shows. And then there were some dope ones at night too. But all of a sudden, these last few years,

you've got, it's crushing. And so you've got the you've got the revivals or the remakes of the shows, the famous shows, the match games and stuff. But then you've got some original ideas that are coming on that are so cool. And when I was told about this, Cherry's Wild, I was like, we haven't seen that on television, have we? No, we haven't. And it's just super fun and easy it's two rounds of pop culture trivia team of two comes on two contestants we play pop culture trivia and they get a shot to win spins on this giant slot machine and if they get five cherries they can win 250 000 um up to 250 and up yeah i mean we were you could walk away with 100 150 i mean

it was we gave away real money and um yeah it was super cool i mean the it's it's from pepsi and uh fox it's like a collaboration their pepsi wild cherry brand you know integration is the name of the game now um but it made it super it's like visually just wild and fun. And, um, there's like this Pepsi app, the wild cherry app that you can download. So you can play the game at home. And if you're matching the slots to the, to the slots on the show, you can win like the same prizes. It's, it's pretty fun. So, um, I don't know. It's just different than, than the other ones. And for me to host,

it was something I've kind of always wanted to do. So Fox, let me tell you. So we, we did this past week, we, we did our own little game show here at Barstool. We called it surviving Barstool where we maybe perhaps took the framework of a other show where you have to survive. And I got to do the hosting. I know what you're talking about. Big brother. I got it. I'm picking know what you're talking about big brother i got it i'm picking up a shit throw down but it started out as you know just like uh we're sponsored by this vodka company in new amsterdam and i you know i just thought it was

gonna be like yeah we gotta do a video for work and all of a sudden it became like a real game show and the people here were taking it seriously ten thousand dollars on the line backstabbing and all this shit and hosting it i was like oh this is awesome like i even getting a a fuck one one millionth of hosting like a real show on fox like yourself i was like oh if i could do this for the rest of my life i would do i would drop everything else to just be able to host these kind of things it's because i do think i think because like you said you grow up on it whatever shows and then to maybe like eventually get the chance to be in one is like a dream come true. Well, and, you know, you also realize that it actually when you're in the flow and you're actually if you're able to do it, you know, it's it is its own kind of special skill set, I guess. Right. Yeah. It's definitely not acting.

But then there's components of like improvisation with the contestants and stuff. But you also have to, it's like, you know, you're kind of a conductor. You've got to choreograph the gameplay and you've got to tell the audience at home and you've got to throw the commercial naturally. And you've got to deal with the contestants and you've got to make jokes, but make them look likable and don't be an ass. And it's just like, it's really a lot of stuff happening. And when you're kind of in that zone, it's just like it's really a lot of stuff happening and when you're when you're kind of in that zone it's super super fun and people you know obviously you you know you hear like ho say like this is the greatest gig ever i mean if you think about these guys that have

been doing it forever and they do you know 17 episodes in one day and they have you know 11 and a half months off and they make you know 40 million a year it's like oh okay got it sounds like a good gig but is it fun and it's like oh yeah no it's fun it's amazing i'd have a hard time doing like the 14 episodes in a day like it's like a steve harvey like i gotta meet the fucking whitfields now and pretend i give a shit about this stupid family like you got it right oh they're gonna say penis because i asked a question that makes them say penis i'm gonna pretend i have a heart attack about it. Like that would be like 40 million a year to do this for sure.

I mean, yeah, yeah, totally. But it's there is a high you get out of it. Right, Kevin? I mean, you definitely like when you're kind of when you're when you're laying the, you know, the groundwork and you're dealing with all the different elements. It's not super fun. I kind of always knew that I would like it. I've always I've always, you know, harbored the desire and a little bit of a dream to host but you know i who know i mean who knows last week was like the most invigorated i've seen kevin yeah and i don't like using that word it was so new yeah i was having like a blast yeah having a very very fun time if because i do think there is a element of like, you know, childhood. Like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm on the other side of it.

It also feels a little bit like a stand-up comedian doing like crowd work. Because it's like you're not doing like jokes, but like you said, a little bit of improv. What's your like style, if you will? Because when I was doing it, I was like, I'm not naturally the guy who's going to be like, welcome back. It's another episode. Like, yeah, get excited. But then, but you do kind of need to bring like the energy, the energy.

So I was like, sometimes I got a couple of criticisms of people being like, oh, you know, you didn't have enough energy, but I was like, well, that's just me being normal. So I don't know. It's a fine line. Did you, did you like think about that or did you just be yourself and just let it rip i constantly thought about that it's such a good question i was constantly thinking about that because i'd be like you know i knew there was like a uh uh there's a cadence right yes there's a rhythm and an and obviously an energy i mean this this is a big show it's not like you know it's you know it's not like i don't know that's like an internet

company who stole a show and did it for a week well no i don't want to compare i'm not gonna i'm just thinking even other shows on tv that are a little bit more intimate you know like a match game where alec is going and talking right up in their face and you're kind of like and you can kind of take your time this is a half hour show that flies it's like i'm literally this slot machine is 30 feet tall it's there's crazy bells and whistles and lighting and audience. And it's dope. It's super fun. So you, so I'm, I'm thinking I have naturally just the energy because you're around all this stuff and I'm doing it. And then they'd be like, Jason, Jason, that was great. A lot. Love it all. You know, they'd be in my ear,

like, please do one more, a little bit more energy. And I'm like, yeah, I'm happy to, but don't I sound kind of like ridiculous? Or is it okay? And, but, you know, as you kept, as I kept going, it was, you know, I think then when I got home, you know, and I'm like in my house, my wife's like, why are you talking so weird? Why are you like, why is everything like an introduction? What's for dinner, honey? What's for dinner? Oh, over in this pot, we've got pasta. At one point, I –

Changing my kid's diaper. I'm like, oh, it's a shit. Here we go. What's going to be behind these huggies today? I – at one point, somebody – because, again, I was just kind of being like my dry like asshole self and somebody was like it's a mix almost between like jeff probes on survivor and that the girl from the weakest link and i was like yeah let's go with that yeah it was more it was me just being like a like a an asshole but it's me being tired at 7 p.m right we'll go with that but you can't help

it you can't help it you can't you've watched we've watched these shows our whole life you know there's like a thing they they they make them that way and they want you know and it's uh it's it works for whatever reason that's how you know audiences get into it and and uh um yeah it was cool man i'm just psyched that fox gave me a shot i um you know it's literally like i told them i was doing this sitcom when I saw you guys last year. I was doing the sitcom for them and I I told them I was like, you know, I know you guys are getting kind of big into the game show world right now. You've got a lot of stuff in development. Think about me. I mean, you know, it'd be nice. And they they came through, which is very un-Hollywood. Yeah, really? That's that's like not usually how the story goes, but I'm happy. What if you had a gun to your head, your life's on the line and you have to win a game show to save your life? What game show would you pick?

Or what like activity, if you want to even get more, you know, more specific. Yeah, definitely not activity. I ain't winning wipeout. I'll tell you that. I'm no ninja warrior. Oh, man. You know, I feel like millionaire. Yeah, you think? I feel like. Get that million, man.

I feel like I could get kind of far on millionaire, but I don't know. I mean, they still have the lifeline and all that, right? Yeah. I feel like I can get deep yeah i feel like i can get deep i feel like i can get deep on millionaire have you are like have you played along and ever gotten you know the answer on like the 250 500 1 million dollar questions i don't think i've ever gotten the 1 million but i've gotten the like one right before that's pretty impressive because that's usually yeah shit yeah and i'm like okay okay maybe i could do this um but you know i say that now easy for me to sit right here on a zoom like i do i

could win millionaire obviously i'll never forget i once i told how about this i told a buddy of mine was uh dating karina smirnoff years ago from uh dancing with the stars she was one of the the dancers and we were hanging out, and I literally was like, I was like, oh, I could win that show. Dancing with the Stars? I was like, I'd win Dancing with the Stars. I'd win that. That actually doesn't sound too crazy.

For some reason, I was more surprised to hear you say millionaire than to hear you say that. I could see you wiggling them hips. Well, and look, okay, so anyway, long story short, next thing you know, ABC's calling and they're like hey heard you might want to be on dancing with the stars and as soon as like it became a reality i was like oh no no no no no no no no no fuck that i'm not hard dude first of all i'll dislocate every bone in my body in the first episode i'm a disaster i'm an old old man. I can dance like with my kids when we do a dance party or

you know, like. Yeah, you saying that. By the way, funny that I used that reference. The other reference that was in my head was dance like with a girl at a club and instead I went with dance with my kids at like a dance party in my living room. What is happening? That's more reasonable though. If you were like, you know, I can dance with these

bitches in the club. I mean, I'm looking at it here It looks like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 It looks like around 10 people Ever have won the million On who wants to be a millionaire It's not a lot And one of them was a plant

That first guy was totally But here's the thing, with millionaire though You can also tap out, can't you? Yes So that's why I feel like it gunned to head And I needed the dough and I had to play a game show But here's the thing with millionaire though, you can also tap out. Can't you? Can't you? Yes. Yes. Yes. So that's why I feel like it gunned to head and I needed the dough and I had to play a game show to get some fast cash. I feel like I can get enough real money.

I don't, I don't think I can get to the million, but in general, would you be the type? Uh, I mean, you're probably pretty comfortable now, probably still cash in American pie checks,

but if you, let's say you got to the 250 and it's like you either you gotta walk away or roll the dice or which what type of guy are you you're more like the risk let it fly or just take that depends on how easy that it got the 250 was if the 250 was like oh that's easy boom and i got it i'd probably be cocky enough to go to go on but if it was like oh man holy shit i can't believe i got that right, $250,000, I'd be splits-filled. I'd be like, later, oh, that's real dough, man.

Yeah, that's some life-changing shit. Yeah, listen, I am rich as fuck, but that is still some real money that I would happily take. I mean, I am being, yeah, no, I mean, I'm being siphoned of all my cash, obviously, every single day with two kids and my wife. It's absolutely impossible to have money. It's like, you have to make, especially, man, like living in New York is bananas,

where it's like, what neighborhood are you in? Roughly, obviously, don't give any address. Yeah, I mean, it's like, I guess right now, what do you in? Roughly, obviously, don't give any. Downtown. Yeah, I mean, it's like every I guess right now. What do you what do you think? Are you one of these like New York's dead socks or are you riding it out here? Right now? I mean, we've you know, we've been able to get out a little bit. But, you know, yeah, I mean, you never had the itch to live in L.A. to like relocate. I did live in L.A.

But yeah, that was the problem. No, I live there. I did it. And I loved it for a while. I loved it when I first moved out. itch to live in la to like relocate i did live in la but yeah that was the problem no i lived there i did it and uh i loved it for a while i loved it when i first moved out i was 19 left went from my parents house to my own apartment on a tv show in la so la for me was awesome that you know i was on a american pie hit would like a year after moving there like that's what's crazy. So you never really did the grind it out? I didn't. Not in LA. And so for me, LA was...

I'm sure. Just fucking kidding. He comes in, he fucks a pie, and now he's rich. Fuck. You want to know what's the craziest thing to partly bookend this? Brady was winning Super Bowls then. Brady was dating Tara Reid. Yes. Shit.

Yes, according to my Wikipedia page, I dated Tara Reid. And Tom Brady. Man, that is... So you go out to L.A. right away to get an American Pie. Yeah, and you know, life was good, man. Of course. Is that one of those situations where

you... Did you make a lot of money off that, or was it like you kind of got exploited? Yeah, but then two or three. I mean, the first one, there's SAG minimums and stuff. I made enough money. If I was waiting tables at the time, it would have been like, oh, okay, I can chill on that for a minute and kind of see what happens. I went out to L.A. with a little dough just from being a kid actor,

so I had like a little safety net that I didn't have to do the grind like a lot of other people, so I could wait it out to L.A. with a little dough just from being a kid actor. So I had like a little safety net that I didn't have to do the grind, you know, like a lot of other people. So I could wait it out a little. And then in that time I got American Pie. So, yeah, of course, people hate me. But but no, but I mean, the real money came after that. You know, when the movie came out and then it's got to be big bucks. You got you got you got a shit ton, didn't you? You got a shit ton. You know what's weird? I'll be honest. What's your salary?

How much did you get paid for American Pie 2? That's got to be 10, what, 15 million? I'll tell you what I mean. I can break it down to what I get paid per minute. And what I just got paid on this podcast, you will blow your mind. No. The truth is, dude, yes.

Am I comfortable? Am I, you know, uh, do I have things and, and do I feel, uh, safe to secure? Yes. But I don't know what you live in New York, dude. And you're, you get skewed as to like, what is a lot? I'm like, oh yeah, no, I need all the money I have. I was like you live in new york my kid goes to a private school we like we school man costs money man the school costs money the school hit me like a fucking mac truck when i was like wait a minute i have to pay tuition already yeah my kids yeah three and two and i'm paying like 10 like 20 grand for them to go to fucking baby to get glorified babysitting.

What the fuck? To play with blocks. They're gold blocks, obviously, but solid gold. If they came home with a golden block, then maybe it would be worth it. Maybe you could cover the cloths. It's so true, man. And look, I'm a public school kid from Jersey, and even the idea of what we're doing is kind of wild to me. But at the same time, it's like, you know, you know, why does a dog lick his balls?

Right. Like, hey, if I can do it, you know, I want to make it's my kids. The same reason I lick my balls, man. Yeah, they taste good because they fucking taste good. That's why I love that. That you we were talking about your kids. I love it, dude. All right, man man uh taking up enough of your time so thank you uh cherries wild is the new show on fox and you're right we are kind of in this uh game show golden age revival if you will so i mean i can't get enough of any of them so i'll be there watching

and i hope everyone else is too thank you guys i really appreciate that it's an awesome show i think you guys will like it and by the way big fans and kev i love your one minute man thank you guys i really appreciate that it's an awesome show i think you guys will like it and by the way big fans and kev i love your one minute man thank you bro i am obsessed in fact i got a question for you yeah i know you want i know you want to let me go no no we can go forever let's go so when you're when you're riffing man is that how how many takes have you do you do multiple takes do you kind of just fuck up your words? Yeah, it depends on the topic. So right now, right before this, I did one on Britney Spears because I am a big free Britney guy.

I love it. And I just watched the new doc. That one I just – I ripped for like four or five minutes straight, like probably basically one take. But there's others where I'm like, fuck it up, and I redo it. In the beginning – I do them in the studio now, but in the beginning it was just on my phone. And so when I'm doing it alone, I and i redo it in the beginning i do them in the studio now but in the beginning it was just on my phone and so like i when i'm doing it alone i'll always redo it i gotta get a perfect fuck that word up but all in all sometimes it'll take are you writing it down

are you writing anything down ahead of time you're just doing it yeah that's all off the top but that's i mean i've been blogging these are basically just like blogs spoken you know what i mean so and i did that i wrote tens of thousands of blogs over the years so it is kind of one of those like uh 10 000 hours type of things um but yeah it's just all off the top and uh yeah i mean it's it's a funny thing yeah i appreciate that man i love it man i love the one you did the other day with uh the the little uzi vert yeah oh man the the youths were not happy with me on that one for joking that Lil Uzi and Lil Yachty were the same guy. People were ready to fucking burn my house down.

Really? Oh, my God. Rhea and them. Rhea. All the young kids here. How dare you say that Lil Uzi and Lil Yachty are the same? I was like, listen, I got news for you. Anyone over 30 agrees with me.

We don't fucking know. The Lils. There's a couple Lils, but there's. I think Wayne was my last Lil. My house is i will recognize lil wayne lil kim yeah lil uh lil dicky i'll throw in there um there was a fourth one and then a little bow wow i threw a little bow little john little john was the other one yeah there's a few of them gotta respect the lils but the rest of them uh kick rocks honestly man it's

where i get like a chunk of my... I've learned about the whole thing from you. That's what I try to do, is bridge the gap of when you kind of want to know something... I totally want to know, but I also don't want to get caught reading us weekly. Exactly. A million percent.

I'll be that guy for you. I love it. Honestly, man, you fill a place in my life that is so special i'm flattered and honored and thank you for that man i really appreciate it you got it you guys are awesome thanks for having me bye i've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the life in you It's only like this is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.