KFC Radio - Jay Mewes, Adult Halloween, and Would You Rather Be Photogenic or Hot?

Episode Date: November 6, 2018

Jay Mewes (53:07) of Jay And Silent Bob fame drops by to talk about Ben Affleck, Drake and rehab. Would you rather be photogenic or hot in person? If all you effort in the gym made your gf/bf hotter, would you workout more or less? Feits had his 1st adult Halloween and he wants to "win all the kids" Voicemails include: Who would you make your hormone monster, wife gets nudes from her friends You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Lisa Mattresses. We keep joking about how the Lisa Mattress discount just keeps going higher and higher. It's higher. What is it now? You can get $150 off your regular mattress, but if you get the luxury Sapira mattress, it's $225. So if you want to go all out and get yourself the best Lisa mattress you can get, you get $225 discount when you go to Lisa.com slash Barstool.

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You're basically just getting a mattress for free. And you think about it, it's one of those things you're going to use every night. Spend half your life in it. Right. It's a Tina Fey commercial. Right. Why don't you go all out, get your best mattress possible, and they're going to help you with a $225 discount.

Lisa.com slash Barstool. And the biggest part of it is, too, is just how, like, moving a mattress is the worst part of moving. It's without a doubt the worst part because it fucking bends and all that shit. It's the hardest thing in the world to pick up. Just, whenever you're moving, light the mattress on fire. Yeah. Where it is.

Yeah, I was going to say. And get a Lisa. That's one of those things that just stays where it is. It's like, hey, you're buying my house? Like, it comes with a mattress. And when I go to a new one, you just drag the box in, you open it up, it unfolds right there on the box spring and then that's it.

It stays there until you move that house. That's how it goes. My dad thought I was showing him a magic trick when I moved to my apartment and I just opened my lease

and it just unraveled itself, kind of came up because it's ziplocked or vacuum sealed and it's fucking flawless. It's like one of those toys you drop like a little pill in the water and it grows. Oh, I know those well one of those you're like those toys you drop a little pill in the water and it grows yeah oh i know those well so they they they've updated that

shit by the way they like there was a uh uh there's one that was like a little frog uh but it was it wasn't like a little pill it was a frog it was probably the size of your palm and then it was like put this in the water and it grows so i go home with the kids i'm doing bath time i throw the the uh the and I thought it was just going to grow like on the spot. Didn't really grow. It actually kind of was a little slimy. Shay was afraid of it. She thought it was like a real frog. Idiot.

And so I ended up just being like, alright, the frog didn't work or whatever. The next day, it was like huge. It was like the size of like a full fucking basketball. So they have like upgraded those things There's a Hatchimal that's a Flamingo And a Frog

And if you leave in the water That shit will become like a monster It becomes a real frog It becomes like a freak frog It was a huge frog I feel like it would have just kept growing as long as I left it in the water I'm telling you man Kids these days with their toys

It's like I mean Christmas is coming up for shay for both the kids but for shay because she's like aware now she like knows santa yeah and and she certainly knows like you know toys like it used to be you know oh you you spend all this money and then they play with the box that's like the cliche but that shit is true that is a cliche that shit wasn't true of me i I play with my goddamn toys. No, I wasn't interested in boxes. Yeah,

but you don't remember when you were like one or two. You really, they really like gravitate towards the dumbest stuff. I mean, like Keegan's still eating

like packing peanuts. He's an idiot. Shay is now like, give me that toy. The commercials are working now. Yeah, they see it and they want it. I want,

I want, I want. And I buy it. Yeah, well, hop right on Amazon and be like, okay, shut up. Every Saturday, commercials are working now like yeah they see and they want it i want i want i want yeah and i buy it yeah we'll do up right on amazon like okay shut up every saturday i go to gymnastics the same gymnastics i almost got kicked out of during halloween and there's a like a toy store literally right next door it shares a wall with gymnastics so after every gymnastics class we go into there and they have all these uh samples like set up where you can play with the toys. I mean, that's a disaster.

And I got Christmas coming up. So I'm trying to not like buy the big gifts right now. Like there's this fucking rocket ship, man. It's fire. It's a fucking rocket with an astronaut. She calls Astro Astro Cots. And it's got like a like a lunar rover that slides down. The construction workers of space. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Kids know, man. John, when he was a little kid, Shay now, she wants this rocket ship for 50 bucks. I'm like, how about this, you know, tried to buy her one of those spider rings. You remember those? Those things suck.

No. It's just like a ring that has a spider on it. They're all out there. Very cheap. Yeah, it comes from the quarter machines. How like how about that she's like no motherfucker how about this rocket ship so i'm trying to just hold out like just give me a couple more months give me like six or eight more weeks christmas is coming because i want my kids to love me and i'm just gonna buy their affection it is that's one of the i actually like just had to do with that with halloween I did my first adult Halloween kind

of deal. Get John all grown up. Yeah, which basically just means I didn't take Molly. I was gonna say I was absolutely gonna say in the past I've just done drugs on Halloween. Well, that was like college. Well, first of all, I had Halloween in college where I just had surgery on it because I'm bad at dates.

What? I had surgery my sophomore year or junior year. Oh, you mean like bad at calendars. I think you meant like bad at going on dates. No, no, no. Yeah, like bad at calendars. Because I went, they said, you need surgery. I said, okay.

And they said, how's October 31st working? I said, that's perfect. That's not a thing. That's my favorite day for surgeries. Yeah, maybe December 25th otherwise. I don't know. And I've had surgery on Christmas too. It's just whenever someone offers me a date, I say, sure. Because in the future, I don't know. I've had surgery on Christmas, too.

Whenever someone offers me a date, I say, sure. Because in the future, I don't have a calendar or anything like that. I'm just like, yeah, that works perfectly. I don't register a date. I've had surgery on Christmas and on Halloween. What doctor's out there doing surgery on Christmas? Well, the Christmas surgery was an emergency surgery. It was an appendectomy, and yes, he was Jewish. But the Halloween one was a scheduled surgery. Well, again, because he was a surgery. It was an appendectomy, and yes, he was Jewish. But the Halloween one was a scheduled surgery.

Well, again, because he was an adult. He was like, well, I'm not on Molly anymore. I can do surgery. I'll do that. That works for me. So we had our first kind of adult Halloween where I kind of hung out with friends and just drank wine. Really where you make the day about children rather than about yourself. Yep.

I hope I never have to have an adult Christmas. But an adult Halloween I could pass. I could take. But it was funny because there is this. I don't hang around with children very often. But there is. Because you are one. But it's weird.

There's almost like a tension that fills a room when you're with kids and adults. Because it is. There's like this unspoken contest that like you need to win the kid I know it sounds creepy but like I want to be their favorite big person and it's

it's very weird like I want like children are just the cool club in high school they're like St. Peter of Manning the Gate like if they accept me then this is all all coming towards something that's why like adults will do weird shit like you try to just randomly do a magic trick for a kid or something you talk like this so they feel safe oh how you doing it sounds so creepy it sounds so creepy but it's true it's like when i

raise my voice i know it makes you feel okay, so I'm going to talk like this now. I'm going to just pretend to pull a quarter out of your ear because that's what happens in the movies and you're going to like me. What the fuck? I actually – You hurt yourself to get kids to like you. You put yourself in harm's way. You fall. Yeah, let them hit you. You fall down.

I had Tony Stark pretending he was shooting things at me Iron Man you got me Do you like me yet Please do you like me yet John just desperate for approval People are like elbowing To get to the front of the line to be able to give kids candy I was like I'll give you extra

Here's three pieces Thanks fucking stranger I don't give a shit about you Never gonna see you again Make me a balloon, funny boy. Make me an animal, funny man. The cultural implications in it are wild, too. The cultural implications?

I kept being like, oh, shit, that's a sick Black Panther costume. You are culturally relevant, kid. I noted way more. It was uneven how many times I noted a Black Panther costume versus anything else. Were they black kids? Yes. Were there any white kids doing Black Panther? I didn't see.

That's like blackface. Yeah. I feel like if there's a white kid who wanted to be Black Panther, that would be cultural appropriation. I feel like you would get hit and shit for that. Yeah, I'd love to do blackface under it. I think it'd be okay. Right. I don't know.

I don't know. I remember last year kids were Moana, right? Or Mona, whatever it is. Moana. Moana. Come on, Moana. I don't think that went over well,, kids were Moana, right? Or Mona, whatever it is. Moana. Mona. Come on, Moana. I don't think that went over well, so maybe you're right. You're welcome.

Fire song. I haven't seen it. John. As a guy who loves musicals, it makes no sense that John doesn't like Disney movies. But then again, John doesn't make any sense. No. I don't like music. Will kids like me if I start to do that?

Oh, yeah. If you know Moana, man, well, you're a couple years late on that. But if you could go up to kids and start to sing You're Welcome, man, they will follow you right into your basement. They'll go right into your white van. I mean, they're going to do that because kids don't get me. John. It's because you look like a big baby. Right?

No. He's like, you're a baby, but you're really big. I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense. Adult therapists don't get you either. Kids look at me, and I was talking to my mom about it, and I was kind of explaining it to her. And I was like, kids look at me.

And I was watching Haunting of Hill House at the time, so maybe that's kind of where my analogy came from. But they look at me like they're looking at the corner of the room, and they see a ghost, but they're not processing it. Like, kids look at me like they're looking at the corner of the room and they see a ghost, but they're not processing it. Like, kids look at me like... Something's off. Always like if you pull the magic trick on a dog. They do a head turn.

Every time a kid, even just, I'm just standing there giving out candy, not even in a costume or anything, kids are like, hmm, that guy's hands are funny. His hands are like my size, but they're fat and swollen like an adult. What's his deal? I can't figure it. My aura perplexes children. Just they are baffled by me.

And it sucks because, like, you want to win a kid. But I can't. They don't get me, man. This might be your deepest psychological shit yet. It's wild. I don't understand why. I want kids to like me. It's like they don't even accept my existence.

It's not that they don't accept my personality. Children don't accept my existence. That's not real. What is that? It's not real. I feel like I know what you're talking about. I used to feel it before I had kids. Now, I don't give a fuck about other I used to feel it before I had kids. Now,

I don't give a fuck about other kids. Oh, see, I want every kid. I don't care if it's my niece, my nephew. This might be your creepiest segment ever. I don't care if it's some random lady in a stroller. I want that kid to be like, I wish mom was dead so I could live with him. Do you do, like, if you're

on the subway and there's a kid, you like kind of like make eye contact with them in the stroller and you guys make a funny face or something. So that they laugh at you. Yeah. See, I used to do all that shit. Now, uh, like, like, I guess, you know, if you're a father, it's like, do you like babies? Do you like kids? I like my kids.

Yeah. I don't like your kids. I don't give a fuck about your kids. I'm kind of that way with, uh, this is going to be a hot take. I'm kind of that way with dogs. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. I get Yeah. I don't like your kids. I don't give a fuck about your kids. I'm kind of that way with, this is going to be a hot take. I'm kind of that way with dogs. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. I get that. I get that.

When a dog comes up to me, I won't go out of my way to pet a dog. Yeah. Because I get so annoyed when people go out of their way to pet my dogs. Yeah, it's like, I'm trying to get this walk done here. He's got to take a shit, man. I do it out of respect for the owners. Yeah. I'm not going to halt your walk.

I have to do that when I take my dog to the vineyard and stuff like that. I have to just pretend I latch her to my arm and I pretend I'm asleep the whole time because people come up

and be like, what breed is she? Is she smart? Is she gregarious? Wait, wait, wait. You go where? Like to the vineyard is where I travel the most

with my dog. And you pretend you're asleep. Asleep. So people don't talk to me. With the dog. Yeah. Where are you sitting?

Just like on a ferry. There's a man who's sleeping with a dog. It's where I travel the most with the dog in public. Right, right. I drive with her, but no one's asking me questions about where I'm driving. It's just funny to pretend you're asleep. Like, I'm asleep over here. Leave me alone.

I have the leash around my elbow, and I'm just going to head down like this. You are so socially weird. It's unbelievable. This social misfit is crazy. He's going to head down and probably like eyes open. Just like staring straight at the table. That is wacky. I feel you on that, though.

I like my dog. I actually had a hard time when I got a second dog. I was like, I already had one of these and they fucking died. I'm not ready to just like replace this one in my heart yet. So I, I get all that. But like,

especially with the kids now, like I feel like if I were to babysit someone else's kid, I would be as awkward with that kid as I was when I was like your age and single. Like right now, if you were to babysit a kid, like you, you know,

you kind of awkward holding him. You don't know like quite how to like change their diaper or do whatever. Like I know how to change Shay's diaper. I know how to like manage Keegan and get him dressed. If I were to do another kid, you would probably think I'm not a father. Cause I'm just like, I know it's like my home court. I know, I know like the nooks and crannies of the, you know, like they said, the dead spots on the floor of the Boston garden.

Like I know the dead spots of my kids. I don't know your kids shit. So I would probably be just as awkward. Like what if I dropped this kid? Like I hold another one like 24 hours a day, but that's one that I'm good with. You know, it's like the balls have been deflated to my liking. I get it.

Other kids I don't give a shit about. All right. So anyway, let's talk about theflategate because that's fucking nonsense. Dave somehow brought Deflategate into the rundown. He was talking about like Alabama and LSU and ESPN. He's like, so this thing vindicates all the Deflategate witch hunt. I was like, what? What?

How did that happen? Fuckers, don't let it go, man. It was a big Pats win Did you call it a big Pats win? Not really right? It was fucking week 9 No such thing as a big Pats win in week 9 It's a true story

If you were in the crowd They put John on the Jumbotron He would just be like It was I tweeted it last night You can set your watch to it Every single week No matter who we're playing,

at some point the game will be close probably. Yeah. Usually in the first half. Yeah. And someone will tweet me, oh, shit, fights, you nervous? Are you nervous yet? Yeah. Man, I'm not.

I'm not. I mean, even sometimes it can be like the fourth quarter and it's like, you're fine. Yeah. We were watching, I think I said last week, I was watching the Bills game with Lou on Monday, and it was just, he's like, are you nervous? He wasn't asking in a cocky sense of people asking me. We were watching, I think I said last week, I was watching the Bills game with Lou on Monday, and it was just, he's like, are you nervous?

He wasn't asking in a cocky sense of people asking me. He's like, what do you think is happening here? I was like, we're going to win 32-6. It was like 25-6. It was close, yeah. He asked me, it was 9-6. He's like, what's going to happen? We're going to win by fucking two scores. It's not even exciting for you.

It's not. It's painful. It's weird. The NFL season is literally three weeks. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum, like total opposite ends. Like my games are not exciting because like our games are not exciting because we know what the outcome is going to be. Right.

We just have completely opposite outcomes. You know? And you are so used to competent football that that doesn't get you going whereas I would like I'm just like oh my god if I could just watch someone like march down the field and throw the football around the field and like score it would be great but I don't get that I get sloppy football so it sucks and you're like I'm so used

to this competent football and it sucks it does it's so methodical you can you can fucking you can set your watch to the games you can fucking tell like any other team last night where the Saturday Night Football kind of did

the experts, who do you pick? Any other team. They were all Patriots. 100 across the board. Even Chris Sims, who wasn't even on that graphic. Everyone was pats, pats, pats. Any other team where it's supposed to be a close game and everyone is right away like, no, this is the team that wins, that is wrong

100 out of 100 times. And we always show the picture and it's always like, oh, the analysts don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. If you pick the Patriots, it's not wrong. We need to go to a game together to just watch our fan reactions. It'll have to be a Patriots game

because the Jets won't play in any meaningful games. And you will be completely even-keeled and I'll be riding this fucking rollercoaster up and down just the two different existences of football fans. It would be funny if we could find a way for you guys to have something on the line for opposite teams. If you could really, really benefit somehow

by the Patriots winning and just be super excited about it. Be like, we're going to win this game and I'm going to win a bunch of money. And if you could really need the Jets to win and have to suffer through that. I can't imagine what we would... It would just have to be a huge sum of money. More money than either of us

could afford to lose. Watching the reactions would be unbelievable. And we would have to capture them to own them forever with 15 seconds of fame. It is would have to capture them to own them forever with 15 Seconds of Fame. It is the app that allows you to preserve your memories at a football game when they put you on the Jumbotron

and you do, oh, how about that dude who was doing the floss and he punched that old lady in the face? Has there ever been a better example for 15 Seconds of Fame than that? That old lady probably wants it. Her grandkids probably want it. She wants it for the lawsuit.

This guy was doing the floss. He was dancing his ass off. He hammer punched her. Remember when McGregor was hammer punching Mayweather the whole fight? Just bow right in her forehead. And he tried to apologize right away, but at that point you're just seeing red. You're just like, I don't care.

I've been embarrassed and I've been punched in the face. And I'm disoriented, so now I hate you no matter what, no matter how much of an accident it was, but 15 seconds of fame will record any of your, uh, your kiss cams and your dancing and your jumbotron antics, because you get to be on the jumbotron at the game and everybody loves it, but then it's gone. So this allows you to, uh, to capture those moments forever. So you download the free app, you go to the game, you put on your show, and if you're ever on the Jumbotron,

they will capture it and send it to you so you can post it on social, you can send it to your buddies, send it to your friends, and kind of just immortalize those moments forever. So go to download 15 Seconds of Fame and get into it. We have Jay Muse on the program later in the show.

He is Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. He is a 90s icon, and he's still doing the damn thing today. They're doing Jay and Silent Bob reboots. And I think Clerks 3 has actually been greenlit. So that's in the works. So like 20, 25 years later, he's still just Jay. So he sat down with us. Very interesting cat

has a pretty, uh, pretty wild story about addiction and overcoming addiction and his relationship with Kevin Smith as friends. And as you know, they, as he, he slipped up with drugs and Kevin Smith, you know, had to send him to rehab and, you know, they got into fights over it and all that stuff. He's in good shape now. And his career is booming. He's got a podcast. He's doing live shows. You can actually check out his live show tonight at Caroline's. But second half of the show, we sat down with him and he did a couple of voicemails.

But we're going to get into our voicemails right now. Let's do it. Brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron is, you know, I'm going to be cooking myself some meals these days. And the best way to learn how to cook, the best way to, it's like idiot proof. You know, it's like I'm so used to just ordering my food where it just gets cooked by a professional. But I've thought about that, actually. Just a quick little side note.

Okay, let's do it. When you go to like a bar, more like a bar, not a restaurant, because a lot of, you know, fancy restaurants will have like fancy chefs and stuff. You go to like a bar and you want your wings or your burger and the food that you love and you look back there and it's just like random ass people cooking them it's not like they're like michelin star chefs it's like oh wait a minute the bus boy also cooks my burger it's strangers it's definitely strangers i actually don't look like they look like the same thing with like the people who wrap your burritos at Chipotle. Like if I wrap a burrito right now, it's a mess.

But if I like worked at Chipotle, would they just like teach me and after a couple weeks I would become like a master burrito wrapper? I think you're underselling yourself. I don't think it's going to take you a couple weeks to learn how to wrap a burrito. I hope to fuck you learn how to wrap a burrito faster than a couple of weeks. I don't think so. I think to wrap a, like to perfect the burrito, like when you got like a monster burrito faster than a couple of weeks? I don't think so. I think to wrap to perfect the burrito like when you got like a monster burrito wrap. So for you to wrap a burrito

it takes longer than you than say like, I don't know professional athletes train for the combine? Yes. Yes. I stand by this 100%. Have you ever had your mom make you a sandwich? It's just 100% of the time going to be better than when you

make it. It just is. Moms make a sandwich and it just tastes better. They know the proportions better. They have a feel for the game better than you. Cooking, I agree. I think wrapping is the same thing. I'm not saying I could do it right now. I don't think you could. I think

three weeks from now your burritos would still be sloppy. I think you would wrap sloppy burritos, bro. You're insane, I think. Even like the Subway sandwich people. Sandwich artists. That's what I mean. They're fucking artists, but I'm like, you're just some kid who needed a summer job. I'm telling you, man, you take these things for granted. That's why I'm just going to

cook at home, Blue Apron. They send you all the ingredients, all pre-packaged, pre-portioned. Comes with the ingredients, the recipe card, idiot proof. You can't over season, you can't under season because they give you the exact right amount. They give you all different sorts of menu choices. Right now they have the fall menu on display. You can order the meals for two. You can order the family meal. They also have a wine plan. And right now, if you go to blueapron.com slash KFC, you get your first three meals for free.

It gets delivered directly to your door, and you can become like these Chipotle people and these sandwich artists. You can become... You're really putting Chipotle upon a pedestal there. You can become an artist. You can learn how to become a chef just the same way that these guys at the bar are cooking your burgers and your wings to perfection.

That's going to be you in the safety and the comfort of your own home because of Blue Apron. Blueapron.com slash KFC. First three meals for free. Voicemail time. That was interesting. We'll do another side note. I was actually reading an article the other day kind of just about how divisive the world is right now and how it was like trust strangers like

believe in people because like we're still largely good and it was one of the things was like it was just going through how often you trust strangers every day and like it was like the people who cook for you all the time and like you're sitting for a subway and you're just trusting no one's gonna push you onto it yeah I'm very nervous about that

I was like you get in an Uber you get in a car and you're just trusting no one's going to push you onto it. Yeah, I'm very nervous about that. It's like you get in an Uber and people just drive you in a car and like you walk on the street and you just you trust that everyone has put their air conditioner in properly. It's like, you know what? Like humanity is pretty good. You know what my number one of these are? My number one example? Everyone

follows the traffic lights. Right, right. Yeah. It's like I'll be walking. I'm crossing the street, and I see these cars are barreling down Fifth Avenue, but I see that that's going to go yellow, and I know I'm going to have the green in a second, and I'm just going to walk out there. And I'm going to trust that they're

not going to just keep going 50 miles an hour. And it is crazy how the only reason we want to walk out there so fast is because we want to prove that we're the most New York. Oh, yeah. I am the most New York person at this sidewalk right now. I'm going to jaywalk as fucking close as I possibly can to that car. I want it to touch the tip of my nose.

I get excited when I almost get run over. Yeah, me too. I'm like, oh, he almost had my foot there. Yeah, my toes are almost at me. And you know why? Because it's fucking cool. I remember when Asa was on this program, she was like, oh, my God, guys who can jaywalk like that are so sexy.

And I'm like, you're goddamn right. I feel cool. I feel tough. That's my alpha male coming out like, yeah, that's right. I crossed that walk when I wasn't supposed to. Yeah, it's like when you beat the white guy, the white light. When you're like, oh, yeah, I saw their hand, bitch. I still have the flashing red.

Shay calls that the, she used to call it the white boy. She used to be like, red hand means stop, white boy means go. And I was like, white boy means go sounds not great. So we transferred that to the walking man. So white boy means go. I was like, don't say that ever again. You're in college. White boy means go.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no! White boy means no! White boy means no! Yeah, the, like, there are people who are probably, like, mass murderers who are like, yellow light, I gotta slow down. I violate all the other rules of society, but I'm gonna stop for the

red light. The Halloween candy! We just go to strangers' houses and be like, give me food. Okay, here you go. Yeah. Like, actual murderers gave out candy on Halloween. Right. Like, rapists gave out candy. Do you remember?

They just opened their door and they gave candy because they're like, tonight's not a rape night. Tonight's Halloween. Put the rape on the back burner. I'll rape you tomorrow. November 1st, I'm raping. But tonight, we're giving out kids' Kit Kats. Today, I just got to get some Three Musketeers out.

I feel like the world went through a phase where that wasn't the case. Remember when they were putting hypodermic needles in the... I mean, that's like an urban legend. Yeah, but I feel like it happened. Snopes that shit for me real quick. Did anybody actually put needles, AIDS needles? I feel like you get one a year. We have no internet, so I can't...

Oh, that's right. Fuck this place. I think we get one a year where it's like a national story. Like, this had a needle in it. Yeah. And it's like the most haphazardly put in needle ever, where it's just like, it's like a fucking, one of the crosses, one of the nails they use to hang up Jesus. And it's like.

Yeah, it's not really a needle. Like, you weren't trying to hurt anyone with this. It's very apparent. There's a nail through this sticker's bar. This year's urban legend was like, watch out for like the weed gummies people are gonna be putting like uh putting like edibles no they're not they're gonna take them they bought them from a drug dealer to do them some before they give out the candy but they're not giving that as the candy yeah like that if that happened that was absolutely a mistake because people like to buy drugs to do

the drugs not to poison random children that they're never going to see again. You want to tell the people about Bill Burr? Bill Burr, uh, tomorrow night, Bill Burr is performing at the garden, which is wild. Sold out the fucking Madison square garden. The Knicks can't even do that. The Rangers can barely do that. Bill Burr is just going to stand there and tell jokes. And he sold that shit out. So, uh, we're going to go, you know, He was here a couple weeks ago, so the whole company is basically going to head over. We will be pre-gaming probably at Rockin' Riley's,

which is near the Garden. So if you're going to go to the event, to the show, or even if you're just... Are there still tickets available to the show? There might still be tickets available, and if you use promo code BILLYBARSTOOL, you get $10 off. Check them out.

I feel like those— Ticketmaster. Ticketmaster. So if you're in the neighborhood and you want to come have a few beers for happy hour before we head over to the show, we'll be there. Rockin' Riley's, Bill Burr, at the Garden. Voicemails now. Let's cook.

What's up, guys? Got a little bit of a would-you-rather, but I need you to just bear with me for a minute or two, especially you guys. So me and my husband were up in Boston for the first playoff game and we saw fights outside of the stadium. And my husband was encouraging me, you know, to go ask for a picture. But the more I kept looking, the more I was like, damn, like, Bites can get it. He's hot. So, my question is,

would you rather be photogenic but be men in person or be not so photogenic but be surprisingly hot in person? Obviously, Bites, you know, you're not the most photogenic. But I hot in person? This is a great question. Obviously, you're not the most photogenic.

But I was like, damn. Now this is your least favorite voice. So that basically, does that answer your question right there? As happy as you were to be like, yeah, you could get it, I feel like that cut a lot deeper to be like, you're gross in pictures. Yeah, I don't know. It's tough.

I've read something the other day of like it's like some therapist said if you saw yourself walking on the street you wouldn't recognize yourself because of how you perceive yourself body dysmorphia yeah yeah and for sure have that i hope i have that because otherwise otherwise i'm just ugly it's like it's one of those things because yeah i do every picture i see i'm like oh it's gross gross but i i think that i think you need I think you need to be photogenic. In this day and age, for sure. It's also, I think photogenic, that's how you perceive yourself.

So if you take a picture and you're like, I look hot in that. Every picture I see, I'm like, I'm gross. So that's my confidence level. I have trust issues when someone tells me, like, oh, you're handsome. Yes, no doubt. You're a fucking idiot. No, I'm not. So I think you have to take photogenic i mean i think because then you have then you

have confidence and stuff like yes i mean this day and age if this is like the 1950s i want to be hot in person because what one polaroid a year right i mean now you know we were all friends for the longest time and we had never seen each other in person you're gonna connect with people and like not see them for months on end, but you'll see pictures of them. You'll see videos of them. And if they're ugly in those, you're ugly in real life. Perception is reality. Pictures and social media

are now reality. Especially for us. I'm going to be on camera all the time. I would much rather be hot on camera. Every single picture we take, I'm like, son of a bitch. I had this fucking pimple today, too. When you... I had this picture of you with a fucking pimple.

It was fucking massive. I didn't see that until right now. Once I started looking for it. Every time you're like, oh, I'm gross in that picture, I'm like, no, you're not. When I say I'm gross in a picture, are you like, yeah, you are, or are you like, no, you're not? Depends which one. There was that one. There was that one. Which was the one?

The one where we're just like, we can't put that out. Yeah. What was that? I forget who it was. To me, there's a couple of those. You took one with Boomer that we were like, ooh. Yeah, that was really bad. That, I think, actually genuinely was a lighting thing.

But that looked like I had a catcher's mitt for a face. And then there was a Keith Hernandez one where I just straight up had like a sea cup I had like tits remember the one time that I uh and there's a bunch of them there was one recently we were in the radio room and I I texted the group back and I was like maybe let's not post that one yeah that's what I'm talking about okay and then Logan like cropped out like my legs and I was like it's not my legs bro it's's the whole upper body. He's like, okay, what about this part? It was just way worse.

It was like, it's still my face and my legs, apparently. Logan was like, don't worry, I got you. I didn't even think that it was wrong with that. He was like, how about this one? I was like, well, it's still got my face and my chest and my belly. So no. How about not that one? But I guess there is...

I don't know. I guess I really don't know. Because we kind of go through this a lot. This is kind of the first time it's ever happened with physical attractiveness. But we get it all the time. Oh, you're much bigger than I thought you were. So I guess we have these small personalities. So everyone thinks we're just fucking ugly midgets.

Is that what's happening here? I get the opposite with content too. People will be like... I'll never forget that wedding. Is that what's happening here? I get the opposite with, uh, like content too. Like people will be like, like, I'll never forget that wedding. Like this is like 10 years ago when I first started, when the guy introduced me and said, introduced me to his wife and he said like,

he's, trust me, he's so much funnier on the internet than he is right now. And I was like, I don't know what's worse that like when you met me in person that I was kind of like a dud or that funny on the internet or like, I'd much rather be a dud in person. Cause no one likes that person who's like always trying to be on yeah but you're just like all right yeah

I mean I wasn't a dud I was just like normal I was like nice to meet you I wasn't fucking performing right wasn't the dancing that's the worst when you meet someone like we've had guests come in here and it's like like dude like we're not that's not what we're doing we're not doing the show right now right we're not we're not a part of the act here man just relax we're just we're just taught we're just adults talking. Yeah. Fucking just be normal. I think I'm definitely taking the photogenic because it's been a rough go for the pictures right now recently. I mean, I guess. Listen, if I take a picture of me in my car, I'm a 10.

I don't know what it is. My car. People think that I got highlights in my hair because my hair looks light. My eyes look blue. I'll just sit in my car taking pictures left and right. I got my hair cut recently from Fleischman, and every now and then I got to keep the agreement up. So I post, like, hey, go to Fleischman. And I was taking a picture, and I was like, oh, yeah, this one's money.

Let's go. It's time. I was like, oh. Yeah, I know the picture you're talking about. I took the picture. I was like, oh, it's just conveniently time to remind people about Fleischman. Yeah, okay, yeah. Time to do a plug.

Just happens to be the time that the lighting was perfect. I guess, but I'm still going back and forth on this. I don't know. Cause I guess it is, it is night when people say, I like when people are like, oh shit, you're big. Yeah. I'm not like, whoa, they thought I was small before. I'm like, yeah, fucking right.

Right. So I guess I like when people are like, oh shit, like you're kind of handsome. Like I like that. That like, oh shit, you're kind of handsome. Kind of? Like, I like that. That was nice when she said that. I think that felt better than the... That probably does. But the ultimate thing, like the day-to-day confidence is the important part. Right.

I'd be a totally different person if I looked good in pictures. Or if I was handsome in regular life. If I was just good looking and in shape? I'd be... I would be... I mean, I was that person person once i was a totally different person right i was happy i was young there was a time when i was handsome and photogenic and i was a different person yeah yeah i mean i cannot even wrap my brain around being in shape like i don't

think i'm that ugly of a person so i'm okay with like the looks of my face my face looks okay the idea of like if i just had like good posture and like muscles and abs and fucking clothes fit me right and shit i just can't even imagine what that's like shout out to the people who have that because that must feel great i like oh i can wear a t-shirt in the summer and i don't worry about like this poking out of that popping out or hey it's the winter time and I don't fucking rejoice over the fact that we're going to be wearing sweatshirts and coats I've been the the the like the arc of what in shape means oh yeah it's so funny how a bunch of changes like I used to be like I want to have abs and there's like well I want to be able to go to the beach and know where I'm at now I'd like to tuck in shirts

sometimes yeah I wish I could yeah I wish I was able to just like I'd like to tuck in shirts sometimes. I wish I could. Yeah, I wish I was able to just accentuate. I have a pair of pants I think would look really good with a certain pair of shoes I have and a plain white shirt tucked in. John, you know what? Fuck you because I have not even thought about tucking in my shirt in a long time and now I realize I absolutely could not.

Can't tuck in a shirt. No. That's where I need to be. That's my peak performance, can tuck in a shirt. No. That's where I need to be. It would just like. That's my peak performance. Can tuck in a shirt. I mean, I also would like to get to a point where I don't have to dress in all black like a goddamn fucking funeral all the time. No, I like that.

I do like wearing all black all the time. No, no, no. I like wearing all black. I don't like to have to wear all black. That's the problem. I like to wear fucking white sometimes. I'd like to wear all pink if I fucking could. You ever seen like in college, You ever seen like high school football where

the linemen would wear Under Armour shirts in the locker room? Yes. You'd be like, yo, Pat, why are you in a fucking shirt? Why are you in that Under Armour shirt, man? That's what a regular shirt looks like on me now. If I were to tuck it in, it would have like the... I'd look like a junior fucking left tackle who didn't have an ounce

of muscle on him. You're like, man, you don't need the Under Armour. That Who didn't have an ounce of muscle on him. You're like, man, you don't need the Under Armour. You don't need that. That shirt doesn't have to be tucked in, John. You could just not do that. Final answer. Final answer. Final answer, I got to go with photogenic. But I do like surprising people.

I like sneaking up on people. Yeah. It's like, oh. Yeah, I mean, I guess the opposite is like a catfish where it's like, oh, wow. The guy's so much uglier than his pictures. Right, right, right. But the day-to-day confidence would be through the roof if I didn't have to think about being ugly on the internet all the time. Remember, I think Josh Wolfe was saying this about himself.

Because he, you know, comes in here all like, you know, he's scruffy. Yeah. Well, Josh, he used to be on Chelsea Handler and he looked like a young dude. Yeah, yeah, I know. He's scruffy. Yeah. Well, Josh, particularly, he used to be on Chelsea Handler, and he looked like a young dude. Yeah, yeah, I know. He was great lighting. I know. We are on camera so much more than, like, the regular, like, someone on E goes on camera for, like, 45 minutes a day,

and they got, like, professional hair and makeup done, like, every day. We're on camera, like, 12 hours a day, and we don't have an ounce of makeup or hair or anything, and you just look disgusting. Lighting's not a factor. Lighting is the worst. We have the Walmart fucking- Fluorescent tubes.

Yeah, the- Lighting is like bad for an office. The freezer article. The freezer aisle. Yes. That's what it is. They go on as you walk down. Brutal, man.

We're just like... Give me that refrigerator lighting. Listen, we're ugly, but we could look a little better if we were a professional operation. Hang on. Let's get liposuction. What up, Keith? There are

modern day solutions to this. Let's just pay money and get liposuction. Let's do it for content. Yeah, that's what I mean. We'll just pretend like, hey, we'll film it and shit. Liposuction's like surgery. So if you had the money, what would stop you from getting liposuction?

Would it be the fact that you're... Because I don't think it's like slice you open. I think it's like they poke a hole and jam a fucking tube in you. Yeah. I'm not scared of surgery. It's the stigma, right? Yeah, I guess it's a stigma. You don't want to be the guy who got liposuction. We should do it right now.

Go out of here, do it right now while you're in the winter and you can always wear layers and then people don't notice and then it's just like, it's summer. Let's get liposuction. Tom here from the Nutmeg State. If you could have anybody, celebrity,

whoever, be your hormone monster, who would it be and why? I was thinking maybe Ron Burgundy. Let me know. That's not a celebrity. Yeah, it's a fictional character. The hormone monster is a character from Big Mouth, the Nick Kroll, John Mulaney cartoon, which is so fucking funny.

It is. I actually, I'm still actually on season one. I'm not even on season two. Because I watch it like sparingly. I watch it just like here and there. I pop an episode in and it's the only show that I don't like

just binge right through and I kind of like it because it's like this. I do the same thing. It's like, you know, I'm watching sports or whatever I need to watch

and then sometimes like when the World Series ended but I didn't have like a new show yet. I was like, all right, I'm going to just watch an episode here.

It's a perfect plug a hole, and it is so fucking funny. And so the Hormone Monster is, what's the character? I don't know the names. I never forget. I always forget the kids' names. Nick and Andrew. It's Andrew. It's Andrew's subconscious hormone mind, because he's like a boy going through puberty who wants to jerk off and fuck everything.

And it's this monster who's always just like, yeah, yeah, jerk off, jerk off, do it, do it, do it. So who would you want being basically the devil on your shoulder telling you to do creepy sex things? Jesus. In the Jesus performance, like, go to her, my son. I just want to be Jesus. I mean, Jesus is fucked.

Yeah, Jesus is fucked. Yeah, yeah. I mean, his best friend was like a whore. Yeah. Mary Magdalene, best friend was like a whore. Yeah. Mary Magdalene, he was like fucking a whore. I wanted Jesus to tell you to do some shit. Jesus to tell you to do some fucked up stuff. Well, I mean, Jesus would probably be like, do anal because it doesn't count.

She'll still be a virgin in the eyes of my father. I made the rules. Yeah. Like, don't worry. Blowjobs on sex. Don't wear a condom. Those are not allowed. Just the idea of having Jesus as my hormone monster is very funny to me.

Come on. What do you want me to do, buddy? Tell me what to do. Come on. You know. You know, Big J. Come on. You know. JC, what do you got? Not to be too narcissistic here, but I bet you there are some people come on you know big J Jay Z what do you got not to

to be too narcissistic here but I bet you there are some people listening who would say us for them ah yes like if you're a big

KC Radio listener just like Jesus like you know you're gonna get some shit yeah yeah like I'm not gonna be like oh yeah like Duke cowgirl

we're gonna be like yeah Jesus would be like we'd be at the bar he'd be like don't talk to these girls let's go home we'll get a hooker

right water border water border you can simulate it with a fucking washcloth do it I'm gonna have to give that some thought that's one of those ones where I need I need to to give it some you know some deep thought on who I want

really pushing me because it's it's something I want to be funny it's something that I want to be funny. It's someone that I want to give me good slash terrible advice. Someone that I would respect and do it. You know? Yeah, but you can't go too dangerous. Like Charlie Sheen pops into my head, but that's too much.

Charlie Sheen, but with kid AIDS. It's not that bad. Magic's been living with him for a while. I don't know, man. Not really in the mood for that. He's like, don't be a pussy. a while. I don't know, man. Not really in the mood for that. He's like, don't be a pussy. Get AIDS. I don't know, Chuck. I could see Charlie be like, you'll die sooner. And John would be like, hmm.

How long does it take? You know what? Change hit him. Matthew McGonaghy. I think they both. No, I'll tell you why. Because that's like when Jordan is like, I can't coach. Because I just, like, I can't tell you.

I don't get why you can't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be like, yeah, just go up to that perfect 10 and fuck her. I'm like, Channing, I can't do that. She's not going to like me like she likes you, man. But maybe that's what we need. Maybe you just need the confidence. Someone with that confidence.

Act like you're Channing Tatum. Just go, dude. You are Channing Tatum. Go. All right. I'm going to try it. That's exactly what I need. I need someone being like, you can do this. Yeah. You can do it. I'm like, I can that's exactly what I need I need someone being like you can do this

you can do it I'm like I can't you can go to I wouldn't even I'd be like dude don't tell me about sex just tell me about living life

yeah that's what I need I need someone to hype me up and just be like I saw those pictures of you you're actually photogenic you look good don't worry

she's gonna wanna fuck you give it some thought tweet at us at kc radio who would you want your hormone monster to be great question oh what what was that great question we talked about it over the weekend all right uh we great question we got it on twitter me and john we texted each other over this one we're like oh there's gonna be a doozy today uh so we'll do this question then we'll get into our interview with Jay Muse. So last question of this segment is brought to you by FanDuel. Go to FanDuel.com slash Viva. They got all sorts of contests right now. The Beat Dave contest runs every week. It's a dollar to play. You can win 500 bucks. There's the PMT challenge

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Sean McGuire. John. Brilliant. SMAC883. Brilliant. Would you go to the gym more or less if the results of working out affected your significant other rather than you? Boom. There's layers to this shit, man.

You got to start thinking deep. Now, first of all, my first thing is, it's not go to the gym more or less. It's go to the gym for me. Right. Would I go to the gym if every time I worked out, my girl got hotter? But the second thing, John, is are we saying the results that I would get

or hypothetical results from just working out. Like when I go to the gym, I don't get like hot. You know what I mean? It's like I work out. I don't really see any results. You know? You know what I'm saying? Not really.

I don't think you're going to the gym right. Like a lot of people go to the gym and they're not like super hot. Yeah. So it's not like. Well, I think like look. When I go to the gym, I'm not fucking super hot yeah so it's not like well i thought i think like like look like if i go to the gym i i'm not fucking hitting the treadmill i like lift weights right so i i don't think i well i guess that yeah it's like how many times you see fat people at the gym and like they go all the time and they're like that's those are the people who are like it's genetic right it's like you go every every day, and you're running on the treadmill for like 50 minutes and you're still kind of gross. So are we saying that like, let's, let's just say

for the sake of the argument here that you are seeing results. You're, you know, you, within a reasonable amount of time, you're getting hotter because there's just a lot of people go to the gym and don't get hot. And so let's throw that out because a lot of people are going to be like, well, I did nothing. I don't see any results when I go. I mean, if I knew that, like, you know, I would be doing, like, the Instagram thought exercises where I'm, like, doing squats and the TheraBand things because I want that ass to be popping on my curl. I feel like I would go more, or I would go.

I wouldn't go. I would go less. First of all, I like... Because you're vain. The only thing that keeps me going to the gym when I'm going, I'm not currently, is looking in the mirror and being like,

oh, what's up? John wants to fuck himself. I'm no different than Buffalo Bill. Right. Like, I'd fuck me. Right. That's basically all I need.

Do you think that John just sits there with his dick tucked in? I think he does. I used to do it all the time in high school. That was like the thing. You'll always fucking do manginas in the locker room and stuff like that. What was it called in waiting where you turn around and show the goat? The goat.

They go here and do the goat? No. I've done it all. Have you done the goat? Fucking yeah, of course I have. You've shown the goat to guys in the locker room? That's aggressive. Even the mangina is understandable.

If you bend over and you show someone your asshole and your dick and balls tucked to the back, you're disgusting. We used to do this once. That's disgusting. We had this kid on our team who would do the glow-in-the-dark trick to, like, freshmen. Yeah, it's probably sexual assault. Get over it.

What's the glow-in-the-dark trick? It would be, like like It was so funny Because it would be like It happened to me And it was like You just look back And you're so stupid So

Be in the locker room And Someone would ask you Like yo Have you seen Chris' dick glow yet? And you'd be like what? And they'd be like Yeah Chris can make his dick

Like glow No no I'm sorry it wasn't It wasn't to make his hands Chris can make his hands glow And you'd be like Really? He's like yeah It's like this weird thing I got in an accident as a kid

he's a mutant he's an X-Men and you'd be like no shit that's crazy and since it wasn't him you kind of believed it right? Chris you can make your hands glow and he's like I gotta show you now I'm fucking so sick of showing everyone this

so he'd come over and start rubbing his hands and blowing into them. Be like, all right, turn the lights off. And then he'd be like, it's not working. It's not working. It's not working. And he'd turn the lights back on. He's like, I don't know what it is. And you kind of like hold up the light like you do with like Lone of the Dark things.

Yeah. He's like, I got to get him. I got to get him. Give me a minute. And then he'd be like, all right, lights off, lights off. And then you'd do it again. And then someone would sneak, would sneaky pull his pants down so you go i don't turn lights back on and it would just be his dick in your face and it was it was so incredibly stupid everyone was like

it was the funniest thing is like you're like you're staring intently waiting for something to start glowing. And when it's come back on, it's just a penis in your face. What a great prank. Glowing hands in the dark. But I forget how this started. Working out for your girl, I guess. Yeah, I don't know how the death came in.

Mangina, because you're vain. Because you wouldn't do it. And it's just, also, I see, I'm one of the lucky few, apparently, who do see results in the gym. But I don't, I blow up. So she would want those results. She was seeing my results. Well, that's why you would have to stop lifting weights. You have to do cardio. I can't run.

You have to do that thing where they do the pussy exercise with the fucking butterfly thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do all the girly exercises. Nah, I couldn't do that. to do that thing where they like they like do the like the pussy exercise with the fucking butterfly thing yeah yeah yeah do all the girly exercises nah I couldn't do that cause like I do enjoy exercising we talk about that it kind of blows people's mind

I actually like it it's disgusting but it's I like doing my exercises I don't I don't want I don't want to run on the treadmill I don't want to do Stairmaster

I don't want to fucking do scissor squats scissor squats and fucking yeah that stuff that's not me I just feel like no matter what I'm always gonna

Just kind of like I know my body type I'm just Gonna be this skinny fat blob For the rest of my life no matter how much I Work out or don't work out I've seemed to kind of Just stay the course But if I could uh you know If my ass could be like popping I'd take that

Did Jen Seltzer workouts every day Fucking elastic band But like I guess the bigger question would be like would you want to look better or would you want to have a girl that's as hot as you want to look in your life I want to look better

it's almost like a shallow house sort of situation where it's like would you want a girl who thinks that you look hot or would you want to just actually look hot? I want a girl who thinks I look hot. No, I want to look hot. You want to look hot. I want to look hot. I just want to look hot.

That's really all I want in my whole life is just to look hot. But it's the Chappelle thing. It's like, I don't like cars. I like cars because girls like cars. Right, right. So I don't really care about actually, I don't care about actually looking good or feeling good. I just want to be hot enough that like pretty girls think I'm hot. Guys think I'm hot. Like, I like, you know what I mean?

So if I could just have that, if I could just attain that by having this, this girl get hotter as I work out, it's like, then I have the hot girl because every time I work out, she gets hotter. And I have the confidence because all the guys are like, oh, he's got that hot girl on his arm. And the workout results don't actually have to go to me. No. It's kind of a half dozen, six of one, half dozen of the other. But when you're not anything to write home about,

people aren't like, whoa, there must be something about him. People are like, what the fuck's wrong with her? Yeah, it's true. People don't say, well, sometimes they go, he got a penis on right yeah he must have a huge dick yeah it's never true um the it's like nobody has a huge dick people very rare it's very rare to have a big dick people people who will just people take people look for a reason to tear you down rather than be like oh there must be something redeeming about him It's just like Ah she's an idiot

That's what it is But it would be just something nice Like You know As everybody gets comfortable with each other Or like You start to get some miles on your relationship And it's like

Your girl is lazy And she's just not working out But I'm gonna go to the gym for her Right You know what I'd do That's an interesting question I would Fucking get I would do? That's an interesting question. I would fucking get

I would do the significant other results, and I'd just date a girl who likes working out. Did she get double? Yeah, she gets me hot. Oh, oh, oh, you mean flip it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. I mean, that's the dream. You get to just sit on the couch,

someone else does the work, and you look hot. Yeah. That is really what I want. I don't need the girl to be hot. Just wake up like reverse Santa Claus. You wake up. You're like, I'm a little sore. My girl must have been working out. That'd be great.

That's like those infomercial things that you strap it on and you push. It vibrates for you and just does all the work for you. Except it actually works. Except it also fucks you. Be like if a flashlight could just make you skinnier, too. Come on, get to work, future. Like, figure that out. All right, let's get to J Muse, J and Silent Bob,

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barstool.robinhood.com J Muse is up. What do you got? I'm on a strong Frappuccino kick right now myself. Is that the mocha? I drink like I've been slamming mochas. Really? Well, that's like chocolate milk. Have you ever kick right now myself. Is that the mocha? I drink like, I've been slamming mochas. Really? You're a coffee owner. Well, that's like chocolate milk. Have you ever had one of those? That's not coffee. That's

like a milkshake. Good to go? Yep. Alright. KFC Radio. We are now joined by Jay Muse. You know him as Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. He's been dominating the past couple decades as everyone's favorite character from the View Askew universe. Thank you.

I wouldn't say dominate. I wish I was, but I feel like it's even with Kevin and I. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Hey, you guys are like inseparable, man. You can't think of one without the other. So wherever he goes, you go and vice versa. No, it's been awesome. It's funny because they just asked

I've been doing this all morning, but anyway, about our friendship. And I realize I do think, and I could be wrong. I feel like the good thing is we don't have egos. And I feel like that's why we've been able to get along. Because you hear really cool groups or podcasts or whatever break up because someone might be getting the cooler microphone. But if Kev gets the cooler microphone, I'm cool with it, honestly. So luckily we don't butt heads or there's no egos.

And, yeah, it's been 30 years, I realize. Jeez, that's a hell of a time. Earlier. It has been a long time. That's a run right there. And I've never seen him naked, though. It's so weird. Oh, really? He's seen me naked.

He's seen me naked. Well, so that means he's friends with you. That means you're not friends with him. No, but I don't think his He's seen me naked. He's seen me naked. So that means he's friends with you. That means you're not friends with him. No, but I don't think his wife has seen him naked. He says it. Seriously. Seriously. He says it all the time.

He says that he does things with his clothes on with his wife. And they've been together 20 years. So, I mean, I don't know. We've long said that you're not really friends with someone until you've seen their dick. So, I mean, Kevin, he's very good friends with you, but you got to work on that relationship. You know, see, I don't know if I hang out with the wrong people, honestly, because as you say that, no.

I have a buddy here I've been friends with 15 years. I've never seen his penis. I have another friend. I'm trying to think. You have no friends at all, man. You're making me feel that way. You're right. I mean, because there's like three or four guys on the top of my head I've known 15,

20 years, and I consider them close friends. And those four guys, I've not seen their penis. But now, have you seen a lot of other penises of people that you wouldn't call friends? Because you might just be totally backwards. I think I have seen some acquaintances' penises, you know? Or friends, like, from when I was younger. But I just don't see... I'm the only one that likes to pull my penis out.

Yeah, that's your move. Kevin had a line where he said, Jay's the kind of guy you meet and whoops his dick out in five minutes. Here's a friendly fella. But I love harassing my buddy here. I stayed at his house last night, and he's in his room watching Walking Dead, and I love coming in naked because I'm about to get in the shower.

And I'll come in, I'll be like, Bro, where's the towels at? They'll be like, come on, bro! You know? So you must be pretty confident in your dick then? Not really, but I know, you know, I don't care either way because it's seen its fair share of action. And now I've been with the same woman 12 years so um I think she's embarrassed by it because her friends have seen it on Zack and Miriam and stuff yeah and I'm sure they it's

funny because you you realizing having a wife and listening to her friends them talk and overhearing them like girls really do and you're not I guess maybe it's maybe I'd realized it before and you think they talk about it but she'll be like I'll hear her talking to her friend like oh my god really how is he nice this new guy you're seeing oh my gosh does he really have a big penis first question how's his dick

and then the sad thing is I really feel like her friend literally like says almost every one of the new guys in the past six months she's had like four guys she's dated in the last six months, she's had like four guys she's dated in the last six months. And they've talked, all four of them had big penises. And I'm like, oh man, oh God. Like she just hitting the lottery every time.

And the big dogs and all of them seem to be good, but all of them have weird, crazy things. That's what I tell my wife. It's balances out. If you got a good dick, you probably got bad credit or something. I don't know. That's what I tell my wife. It balances out. Yeah. If you got a good dick, you probably got bad credit or something. I don't know.

That's awesome. Thank you. Because my wife, I remember when I first met her, she's like, you know, you're awesome, but you don't look very good on paper.

You know, like saying like, you know, like I barely graduated high school. I didn't go to college. My credit was like 650. It's so funny you say that.

Yeah, the 2013 Red Sox. We had no fucking business winning the World Series. And I didn't even have the big penis either. So I don't know how that worked out. Well, honestly, I mean, it's because you've been, you know, you're a part of one of the most popular movie series or universe or whatever you want to call it ever. That's why, man. I mean, these are cult classics that people love for a reason.

You're a big part of it. I think maybe, yeah. I guess maybe making someone able to laugh is a big, you know, you can look bad on paper and small penis. The only way we are living, man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? It's a good thing, yes.

It's valuable. I mean, you mentioned your acquaintances. I mean, I feel like you have pretty diesel list of acquaintances, uh, throughout the years of movies and, and appearances you've done. I mean,

just looking, just like brief looking up some of the names. It's, it's everyone from Ben Affleck. The, the Pauly Shore is dead. Gave you Pamela Anderson, Eminem,

Ben Stiller, Charlie Sheen. I mean, it's like a who's who ranging from the past, like 20, 30 years. Yeah.er, Charlie Sheen. I mean, it's like a who's who ranging from the past, like, 20, 30 years. Yeah. Are those all people, like, are they acquaintances? Are they friends?

Are they just people, you know, you see and then you never talk to them again? No, I mean, definitely all the people you mentioned. I would say at one point I definitely considered Ben a friend. Like, we spent a lot of time. I lived at his house. But honestly, I haven't spoke to Ben in probably like three, four years. Pauly, same thing. At one point, it was really awesome because I met Pauly. And when I first, I didn't live in LA.

I still lived in Jersey. And he used to be sweet. He'd call. And my mom was sick. She's passed now. But my mom was a huge fan of Pauly's. And I met Pauly. And he gave me his number.

And he used to call my mom and talk to her and shit, which she was super sick. And it was really sweet. And I came out and stayed at his house a few times. So I don't know where you go in that sense. Like back then I would consider him a friend, but I haven't talked to Paulie in about a year.

You know what I mean? I haven't talked to Ben in like three years. You got a tattoo from courtesy of Ben, right? I did. I lost a bet against them yeah yeah so so it was the world series and i said it was either i mean it's been so long now um that the the yankees would win uh you know the the world series it was like or it was the pre

world series but it was boston yankees and i said Yankees would win, you know, the four out of seven games or whatever. And if I won, I got, he had just gotten like a brand new GSXR 1000. It was like three months old. And I loved it. And I was like, I want that. And he's like, sure. And he's like, but if I win, you got get a boston bee tattooed somewhere on your body i lost and i had to get the bee put and i put it right here on my shoulder um and you were pretty visible

you didn't try to hide it you weren't trying to no at that at that point too i was a little bit more in shape and i wore a lot of tank tops so and not just because i was in la and it was hot and all the time and i wore tank tops it was sort of my thing uh just because i was in L.A. and it was hot all the time and I wore tank tops, it was sort of my thing. Just because I didn't, yeah, it was nice and cool. So, yeah, I didn't really try to hide it. I didn't really care. And so I lost the bet. But what was sweet is months, I don't remember when the baseball games are and how many months later.

But Christmas came up soon after. And the sweet thing is, is he's, he was shocked that I actually went through with the bet and got a tattoo of a team that I'm not a fan of that. He wind up giving me the motorcycle for Christmas. Okay. Yeah. So it was really sweet. And then even in another sense of solidarity, he went and got a fucking stupid tattoo on his back. That thing is brutal.

That was brutal. Years and years and years later. Um, yeah. So, and he's, and that's a friend right there. Shit.

And yeah, he gave me the bike. It was amazing. I had it for years and then someone stole it, which was crazy. It was actually chained up to, I went out and bought a Honda shadow cruiser. Um,

and they cut the chain and stole the jigsaw and not the shadow. Then I sold the shadow cause we, my wife got pregnant and she didn't want me riding motorcycles anymore. Which was fine. But yeah, so it was sort of a bummer. But it was really sweet. And he also said after I had it for a couple years, I could cover it up. So after a few

years, I got it covered up and there's some kind of dragon stuff going on. It's a big phoenix. No, I'm just kidding. Well, we were going to ask you, we were going to play a little edition of Marry, Fuck, Kill here. You're familiar with that game?

Pick one person that you would marry, one person you'd fuck, one person you'd kill. So we just mentioned two of them. You got Ben Affleck, Pauly Shore, Paris Hilton. Marry, Fuck, Kill. Oh my goodness. I would say I would marry. I'd have to marry Ben

Because I've I don't know if me saying this out loud Makes me sound like an asshole But being that we're playing the game And I'm thinking this through I would say I would Fuck Paris Marry Ben because Ben's got

I think a decent amount of cash And Paulie I would have to take Paul I think Paulie has some cash but I don't think as much as Paulie, I would have to take Paul. I think Paulie has some cash, but I don't think as much as Ben does. So I'd have to marry Ben. And plus Ben would like, you know,

I could, yeah. So I think I could say, I think, I think I would have to marry Ben, uh, have sex with Paris. And then,

uh, you know, that's fair. I like Paulie a lot, but I, you know, being that we're playing the game, someone has to go. But I never even seen your dick, Paul. You're dead. Exactly. So you your podcast began as kind of a weekly like intervention, right?

Were you like a kind of a cathartic type of rehab for your drug issues? Right. Totally. And is it still like that? Or, you know, you're just doing a podcast now? Or do you think that's something you still really, like, need or lean on to try to help in your recovery? I think, no, I think we do it now. I think it helps. It continues to help.

It definitely is not, I just don't think it helps as much. Like, I think we used to do it almost literally every week because we did it at Smod Castle and it was in LA and we were able to go there weekly and do it. Then we moved up to John Lovitz Comedy Club, Universal City Walk, and we used to do it there weekly. And it was very helpful because it was a weekly thing. I was able to talk about my how things were going, my sobriety, tell funny stories about what had been going on each week. And there was a lot of stuff to talk about in the beginning, lots of bad drug stories and fun drug stories and sex stories and all that good stuff. And then we started touring with and stuff. So I definitely think now it's still helpful because I'm still accountable to the people and I still would hate to do a podcast.

For us to do the podcast and me have to sit up there and go, hey, I have three days sober now. Like I relapsed last week, you know, I smoked some crack. Yeah, because again, it really, not that I'm not doing it just for that. Of course, there's many reasons, my family, all that. But I'm just saying that just adds to a whole nother like if i'm ever tempted i play the tape like okay my wife will leave him kevin i don't think would forgive me again there's been too many times of disappointment my kid um you know and then but also honestly the podcast because now over the years it's been

seven and a half years we've been doing it or so the podcast um you know i've had people come up and be like hey man i've been i've you know got out of rehab and i was really struggling i wanted to go drive to the you know score and my friends that listen to this podcast and i listened to it one day and that got me through that day and i listened to it the next day and the next day and now i have a year and a half sober, man, and I owe it to you and the podcast and that. So, again, I would hate to disappoint those people. They were like, hey, man, I have two years. Wait a sec.

Muse just relapsed. You know, like, I feel like it might, like, really throw someone else for a little bit. It's not great to wear that responsibility, though. You probably run away on your own shoulder. It is, but I know that they wouldn't necessarily relapse if I relapse, but I do feel like I would be disappointing them, Kevin, my wife. There's so many people now, and myself, I just know that, hey,

that's what we do now is mainly that, again, I enjoy acting. I just directed my first movie. I mean, well, it's been like almost a year, but we just had a screening for it, and hopefully it'll be out there soon for everyone to see. But it's called Madness and the Method. But I'm just saying, like, mainly we tour with the podcast. I've been doing amusing stories, my solo gig, which I'm doing tomorrow night at the Carolines.

It's tonight. This comes out tomorrow, so yeah. Oh, yes, tonight. Tonight at the Carolines. I mean, tonight. And then, you know, so it's, I just feel like all that, like I wouldn't be able to go tour and talk about my stuff if I weren't. And I wouldn't be able to do the podcast. So there's lots of stuff to do.

I feel pressure. People are like, you know, if we miss a day or the podcast didn't upload for tech reasons, they're like, oh, my commute was ruined and I feel bad. Imagine the pressure of, you know, thinking about someone's sobriety on the line. It's crazy. One of the stories I was reading about you in rehab was Kevin, I think, had sent you on one of those stints. And you walked in and Ben Affleck was there for alcoholism. Was that true?

Well, I was there. And he's told the story. Yeah. I had been there almost a month at this place. And I remember I had lived in Jersey. Excuse me. I was out and I was out in L.A. for press for Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. But like I was sober during Strikes Back.

I would drink, but I wasn't doing drugs. When I got home, my mom had passed. I sort of lost it and I started smoking crack. Within like 45 days, I was like full-on dope fiend, crackhead again, and I lost like 40 pounds or something like that. I was like 100. And Kevin came to pick me up like 45 days later, two months later. We were going to go back out to L.A. for a press, the press junkets and stuff.

And he said when he pulled up, like he he thought that I was a friend of Jay Muse. Oh, wow. Because I was so skinny. He's like, he looks just like Jay. Jay's hanging out with people that look like him, but crackier, you know, because I was so skinny. And I remember I got up to the car and Kevin just started crying. He realized it was me and started crying.

But anyway, so then we went out to LA. I tried to, he still wanted me to come and get away and try to get through the press junket, but I was a mess and I was nodding out and stuff. Cause I, I like, I brought drugs with me. I snuck them there. And then so Kevin was like, listen, man, you need that. You can't do this yet. They either go back home or I'm going to put you in a rehab out here. So they put me out. I went to a rehab out here. I mean, out here, out in LA and went to rehab and I was there a few weeks and then all of a sudden they came and I had to tell that whole backstory because I didn't live in LA. I didn't have any

friends in LA or anything. And they came to me and they're like, listen, man, we want to talk to you. The people who ran the place, they're like, you have a friend here, but it's like, really, we don't want you to tell anybody. You got to keep your mouth shut. I'm like, dude, I don't have a friend here. Like, I don't know anybody here in LA. Like I don't have any friends here. And they're like, no, no, no. He's a friend of yours. And I'm like, I was just like so shocked, but I still was still go, you know, still in a fog. I was, you know, getting better myself and sober and stuff. I had been been like sober like three weeks or whatever um and then all of a sudden like you know they're like all right come on and they open the office door and here he comes walking in he's like look at this my roast mother um and i was like oh snap

it was really funny It was really funny It blew my mind But I was like Oh my god And we actually like Shared a room and stuff No way And that's what I'm saying

Is that good for rehab? I'd see my boyfriend Yo let's go get a beer If I ever walk into rehab And this motherfucker's there I'd be like Get me a new room Get me a new clinic

I gotta get the fuck out of here No but it was crazy But again we weren't We weren't friends Like I didn't know him that well. I shot a few movies with him, but I didn't even know he did drugs, honestly. Like, that's the funny thing. I was on set, like, you know, drinking and, like, hoping to score a couple lines of coke on the sneak and stuff.

But he was over in this trailer doing a couple lines of the bump or drinking, whatever he was doing. You know what I mean? And, like, I didn't even know. Like, I was like, damn, I would have asked you to come out to the bar and have a few beers with me but I thought he was like he'd come to set and shit he was banned you know I was just like oh but anyway so yeah

so we shared a few weeks there and then I left and then he let me stay with him because when I got out of there I was going to go back to Jersey but again I really didn't want to go back to Jersey because, like, my mom had passed. My sister was staying in our house, and, like, she was doing drugs. My sister's a dope fiend, too, and my brother's a dope fiend.

But anyway, so I didn't want to go back home, and Ben let me stay at his house for about a month or so. And then I was able to get on my feet again and get my own place. But anyway, it's yeah, it was interesting. When you, you said you're doing amusing, amusing stories.

Yes. When you do this stuff, like I have a friend who was kind of a famous addict, Chris Herron, who, and he like goes on tour telling stories and stuff like that. Do you embrace like the, I guess,

darkness of it or are you like telling like funny stories wait which is easy which wouldn't you prefer oh i mean i mean i think i try to tell funny stories uh as i'm telling my stories but i do for my i mean my show that i do usually at the end um i'll tell i mean i'll open it up after i tell about an hour worth of stories um i try to do about an hour of some funny stories. Um, and then I'll use the open there for a little Q and a, um,

and for the next 15, 30 minutes, depending on what they're asking the club. Um, and so, but yeah, but people will ask questions like that. And then I'll tell a story about like,

Hey, I was in rehab with him, but then after this happened and I'll get into the darkness of it all, of course, I'll tell some stories about, you know, being in a club, you know, shooting toilet water and, uh, just some gross stuff. And, and, uh, but I can laugh about it now. Um, so yeah, but yeah, so, I mean, it really just depends where it goes, but I tell everything. So it's, um, but it's all real stories. I usually try to start off with stuff that happened in that. Like I was in Connecticut yesterday. I did the stress factory or two days ago.

And something really crazy happened in Connecticut. So of course I wanted to tell like, oh my God, when I got here, the craziest thing happened. I got kicked out of the hotel for noise because they said I was making noise, but I literally was in bed. I'm not exaggerating. And the cops, like, it was crazy. And I don't want to give it away because I'm going to tell the story. You got to go see that Caroline. Check it out.

I'm using stories. Come to Caroline's and see it. What was, you had a brief stint there with Degrassi, no? Were you hanging out with Drake when he was, I mean, he wasn't quite Drake yet. He wasn't Drake at all, dude. Wheelchair Jimmy. Yeah, wheelchair Jimmy. I was.

We got to do, like, Kevin and I, Kevin had told a story about how we, when we used to do, Kevin really worked at the Quick Stop in Jersey. And I used to go help him on Sundays with the Sunday paper. And we used to, when we were done doing the papers and opened up the store and put the Sunday paper out, we'd sit and watch Degrassi and Silver Spoons. And the people who run Degrassi, the creators, heard Kevin talk about it and asked us to be, we'd come and be in a couple episodes, which was awesome because we were big fans of Degrassi.

And so we did a couple episodes. And yes, it's funny because I remember we're like, we did a couple episodes. Then I went back and we did a movie, and yes it's funny because I remember we're like we did a couple episodes then I went back and we did a movie a Degrassi movie and then we did press for that and when we were doing press I remember people were talking about Drake

and how he likes music and he wants to do music and you know you hear people like you know hey man this guy wants to be a you know check out his mixtape I just was like cool I bet he's pretty good but whatever and then I just remember a couple years like you know hey man this guy wants to be a you know check out his mixtape like yeah exactly i just was like cool i bet he's pretty good but whatever and then i just remember a couple years later like hearing him like come out and he was doing like you know crossovers with uh two chains

and this person and that person and i was like oh my god like 25 sitting on 25 mil like really good like yeah i'm like and then years later we got to be in a drake video and i'm upset right oh yeah so he like he was down with you guys like invited you all back yeah it was really sweet so when they did they wanted to do that that song and the degrassi reunion and and he saw us as part of that like reunion and stuff so it was very nice awesome uh let's get into a couple voicemails here sure oh you know before we do that how how much of the Clit Commander was that written or was that just off the top of your head improv type? No, that was, I mean, the actual motions and movement of everything was my thing. But Kevin wrote.

I was like, listen, there's no way someone wrote down like, okay, and then rub the clit with your nose. Yeah, that was all. All that stuff was me. But Kevin wrote like, hey, I'm the clit with your nose. Yeah, that was all. All that stuff was me, but Kevin wrote like, hey, I'm the clit commander. And I'm talking to a video camera. Awesome scene. What's up, KFC Fight SVBC. So

I'm out drinking with my buddy and his wife last weekend. And while we're at the bar, his wife gets a nude from one of her friends because girls just like send each other nudes whatever but she shows it to us and this girl had the biggest best natural boobs i've ever seen in my entire life now i've never met this girl but i'm already in love with her so she so she knows that i saw her pictures and i followed her on instagram and like liked a few posts and stuff so my question is how can i go about asking this girl out should

i just like dm her and ignore it completely and just act like nothing happened or should i just like acknowledge that i saw her naked already and use that as an icebreaker this is let me know how you'd handle it john i mean first of, first of all, it's wild. I have heard that girls do just send themselves. Yeah, they just, like, what do you think of this one? Should I send this? Should I? I've never seen that. You've never seen that? I really haven't. I wish I did.

I wish I could see some of my wife's friends naked. Isn't that, it's so true you want to see that, i do i think about doing like pervy stuff like setting up cameras in my bathrooms and shit but i'm like oh my god that's like almost borderline like it's not borderline it's full it's fine it's full it's full on i don't do it but i'm like what if i put a camera like under the toilet seat so when they're over and they

just sit on it but then what if like all of a camera like under the toilet seat? So when they're over and they just sit on it. But then what if like all of a sudden like grandma's over and she sits on it and I get the wrong person. But I saw anyone out there. I haven't done that. Come on over to my dinner party. It's fine. The pervs of me thought that. And then I said, that's crossing a line.

So I didn't do it. So, no, I've never seen photos. Honestly, I don't. And then again, maybe my wife's friends have sent her pictures, but she definitely doesn't show me. I see girls say that all the time on Twitter and Instagram. She's like, oh, I just sent my friend like four different naked pictures. Yeah. Well, they're looking for feedback, bro.

I know, but that's crazy. We were talking about how you kind of like for a guy, you have to be. If you've seen your friend's penis and your guys are real friends but you can't be doing it on like pictures well I mean listen I could maybe use a little like info a little feedback from you nah you don't want to see my dick all right send a picture right now send each other pictures of your dick that is you want to be really good friends in the next level dude text it right now so wait does, does that whole theory of yours, or I guess I don't know if the right word's theory, but are you

saying right now that we're not friends, but if you sent me a picture of your dick and showed me your dick, that automatically you and I are friends? I think so. Pretty fast friends. I can't say that because I don't even know your last name. I don't know where you live. But you would know like it looks like a Neapolitan ice cream.

You could even send me a picture. So much we're not friends that you could have sent me a picture of his dick. I would know automatically. It looks like a Neapolitan ice cream. You could even send me a picture. So much we're not friends that you could have sent me a picture of his dick. I would know it's your dick if it was your dick and that's when you know you're friends. And I'm like, look, I'm able to look and go oh, that's Joe Bob. Oh, that's Billy's. Oh, that's Bob. Bill.

Oh, by the way, just fucking use it like have it set up as a double date. What like have it set up as a double date what? have it set up as a double date wait wait what is the DM situation here going on

yeah we're not answering the guy yeah I mean I don't think you can be like hey send your message like hey I saw you naked because Becky

showed me your picture I think that's not going to go well not a smart play I would either try to totally ignore it or be like yo like set me up

with your girl like I think she has great poops let's four of us go out one night yeah yeah that would probably be the same play I think maybe eventually in the right setting you could be like, yo, set me up with your girl. I think she has great boobs. Let's four of us go out one night. Yeah, that would probably be the same play. I think maybe eventually in the right setting, you could be like, hey, by the way, funny story.

We've been dating for six months. I actually saw your boobs day one. That's for down the road. That's even though something maybe you can just keep that wrapped up. Yeah, just put that one away. Life is like a movie to me because I don't have any of my own real experiences. And if that happened in a movie

that's something that you're like you kept that secret from me? Yes, absolutely. So I just fucking died with that. That would backfire in a heartbeat for sure. Take that to Davy Jones' locker. I used to produce BC

so a few days ago when I you know, I heard about the Pete Davidson Ariana Grande split but later that night went to see

A Star is Born with my girlfriend. She saw it, of course, uncontrollably. Got me thinking, though, what is this the proximate cause of that famous breakup? And that's kind of part one. Part two, have you ever been moved so much by a movie or a TV show that it caused you to do something drastic in a movie or a TV show that you,

that it caused you to do something drastic in your own life? Thanks. Well, that's a good question for you. You're a movie guy. I mean, you've directed your first film and you've been around movies your whole life. Have you ever been so moved by a movie? You've done something that you're like, whoops, maybe I shouldn't have, or, or wow, my life changed because I did this after watching this movie.

No, I'm just trying to think, I can't think of anything. I mean, I definitely, uh, I'm a sobber. I think I definitely cry with movies like, uh, and TV shows. I'm a big, I watch a lot of TV shows and you know, like, um, especially when it's like family stuff, like, uh, like I was watching, I mean, so goofy. I was watching like, uh. Like, uh, like I was watching, I mean, so goofy. I was watching like, uh,

empire, uh, yesterday. And the one, uh, son, uh, forgetting their names,

but anyway, his, his boyfriend was, uh, his boyfriend was, they thought was dead. Cause he's a journalist and he was out in the like war country and he disappeared.

And when they finally got found him and they, they hugged and embraced and they were crying and stuff. Yeah. You're like, Oh God, that's beautiful. Um, and I really do.

And stuff like that. Like what's like your number one cry movie or cry scene. Is there one specifically? No, I mean, it's a lot, there's a lot and a lot of TV. I mean,

honestly, man, I'm a big, I haven't watched movies besides, excuse me. Of course the movies that I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, uh, the Avengers mean, honestly, man, I'm a big, I haven't watched movies besides, excuse me, of course the movies that I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, uh, the Avengers movies, Marvel, like, you know, all that type stuff. Star Wars solo came out. Um, but mainly I'm, I'm watched so much TV. I don't watch a lot of movies, uh, anymore. What's on your watch

list right now? So much blow your mind, son. Um, I mean even kidding you. It's like I just got done watching Netflix, of course, came out with Daredevil Season 3, which was amazing. It was awesome. I wanted to give it a try. I just finished Sabrina on Netflix. But on the weekly, it's like one night there's literally Hawaii Five-0, Blue Bloods, and what's the other show on there? Like 9-1-1, there's a show.

There's a show by Dick Wolf. You watch all those shows, huh? FBI. There's a new show by Dick Wolf who does Law & Order. Yeah, yeah. SVU, which is what I watch that. I loved Criminal Intent, but it's over. But they have a new show, FBI.

I like Chicago PD. I don't watch Chicago Fire or Chicago Man. Grey's Anatomy, Madam Secretary. I watch with my wife. I have my shows with my wife. So you're big like the network shows. Yeah, like the procedural dramas. Yes.

I love them. I love them. Modern Family. Modern Family. I'm up for that. It's amazing. Yes. RIP Debbie, right?

So there's a lot of stuff like I literally watch on the regular, especially all the gifted, all the Marvel shows, all the comedy shows. I love Supergirl, Flash, Black Lightning. You had a cameo in Flash, right? Yes, Kevin and I had two. I had one solo one where I come out of a burger joint and I'm on a date and I'm like, that's my mom's car. Kevin was directing and I got to play like just random guy, Jay. I'm coming out of a burger. And then Kevin and I got to play security guards. And next season, a season after we were security guards.

That's got to be awesome to be like a fan of a show. And then you get to just, it was amazing. Yeah. Just being on the show, just being on set and getting to walk around and see all this stuff and stuff because when i was there the first time they put me in that one episode um by myself kevin was directing and i just went up there with them honestly just i didn't know i was going to be on the show i just went up there with them because i wanted to go on set and watch it look at everything and check things out and they shoot Arrow on the same studio,

so I got to check out the Flash set and the Arrow set. And then even a little bit of the Legends, they had the ship from Legends in that studio. Supergirl wasn't there yet, but now there's Supergirl 2 in the same area. So I went up just to see that, and I got lucky, and they threw me in, and I got to be... It's awesome. It's awesome. When you get invited to do these things, see that and I got lucky and they threw me in and I got to be a, so it's, it's, it's

awesome. It's awesome. When you get, when you're like invited to do these things, it's like you're basically playing yourself. I mean, in all these roles, like when, when you're Jay, are you Jay or do you consider it like, you know, are you like snapping into acting mode and snapping out of it? Or are you kind of just being yourself? No, no, no.

I'm not. Yeah. Right. I mean, I wouldn't say all the roles. I would say Kevin's movies, Jay was based on Jay. Um, I'm definitely the Jay character is a little more obnoxious. So I definitely don't like run around going, Snoochie Bootsies. But almost.

I say Snooch sometimes. Pretty close. Yeah, exactly. Snoochie Bootsie is a little goofier. But yes. But I mean, again, for like the Flash, I think Jay, when I played the burger joint guy, it wasn't much of a stretch or the security guard. But like I got to be on Hawaii Five-0, which was awesome. They flew me out to Hawaii.

I did like one scene like running through this field on a Thursday and they didn't need me to the next Thursday. So it was awesome. They flew me and my wife and baby out. That's the key. Yeah, we got this like they put us in a hotel and they didn't need me till the next Thursday. So it was awesome. They flew me and my wife and baby out. That's the key. Yeah, we got this, like, they put us in a hotel and they didn't need me till, like, the next week. So we shot one day. Guest appearances in Hawaii. That's what's up.

So, again, of course, I tried to play. Like, I played a guy that worked at the firing range. And, of course, I had information. And so they, like, bring me to the holding cell to like be like do you know who these dead guys are so of course i tried to play it a little different but yeah so stuff like there's certain movies and and things i try to try to change it up and challenge myself i'm not saying i do a good job but i try yeah i was gonna say ask you what the best like what your number one uh show you'd want to be honest and hawaii five oh kind of seems like the answer

you're getting a week in hawaii for it well yes i would say that scenario but i mean there's a lot of shows i'd like to even just i mean i i would love to just be on some shows even if it was just like like i really liked um it's so goofy i really liked vampire diaries and then they did a spin-off the originals and now they have a spinoff called Legacies. And it's all the same girl who created it. Like, again, I don't think I'd want to be a main character on that show because I like watching shows, and I feel like if I was a main character on a show and I had to look at myself every week, it would ruin it.

But I would love to just be like vampire number one who gets killed after like two story arc, you know, like a story arc. I'm in one or two episodes get killed off. So there's lots of shows. I'd love to even just be like that. I don't necessarily again, Law and Order SVU. I've been literally watching that show for 20 years, 20 seasons. You know, when it was is funny.

I think it would be pretty cool to be like a fucking murderer. Yeah, you know. Yeah. And CSI Miami is one of my all-time favorites. I'm going old school. I love Murder, She Wrote, Matt Law. Columbo. Shout out to Grandma.

Yeah, oh my gosh, I love it. All right, man. Well, we appreciate it, dude. It's been a long time running as Jay, so we appreciate all the laughs, man. Thank you, sir. Caroline's Amusing Stories. Yes, please. Come see me tonight. 7, I think it's at 7pm.

Caroline's snooch to the nooch. Thank you, man. Appreciate it. Thank you.