KFC Radio - JB Smoove, Jim Norton, Abella Danger and Barstool Dinosaurs

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

JB Smoove on joining the MCU, British accents, lap seats, the Knicks and Jake Gyllenhaal. Jim Norton on KFC's stand-up, calling NBA owners "governors", aliens and other conspiracies. Abella Danger on squirting, her start in porn, Kanye, ASMR with Tommy & Marty, and bush. Voicemails include: shoreline sex, girls with strong handshake, and Yesterday. John gets mad about night mode and people that tell you to charge your phone. Barstool dinosaurs.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Fourth of July, KFC Radio today, brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club, it is the no-stress, no-mess, easiest way to deal with your bathroom and your shaving and your toiletries and looking good, feeling good, smelling good, and being good. Dollar Shave Club is one of our OG sponsors. So if you've been listening since the beginning, you owe it to them to get down and sign up for the club.

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You're gonna get, uh, this, today's episode, three interviews featuring two legendary comics and one legendary porn star. We got J.B. Smoove smooth we got jim norton and abella dangers on the motherfucking program yeah it's it's a big episode i think it's probably gonna run you about three hours three and a half hours so split it up well we watch some we're off thursday we are you'll have a best of but we're off from from new episodes oh i didn't know you'll have a best best of but for new shit you know you said, break it up. You can do it on your train ride out, your train ride in, sitting on the beach. The Abella Danger episode interview is awesome.

It really is. Jim Norton's awesome. JB's move is obviously awesome. Abella's – Abella was – she was surprising for me. You never know what to expect when you're dealing – when you're dabbling in the world of adult videos. I mean, Asa is smarter than me. She's brilliant and weird and creative, so she fit in perfectly. But some of these porn stars, you don't know if they can do it like Asa can do it.

And Abella stepped right up, answered all our questions. She was laughing. Her answer to the internet was spectacular. I think that's out today, too, maybe. I forget know at some point you'll see i don't know what the schedule is but i mean you know answer the internet is the true test because we don't give you the questions ahead of time you don't know what it's going to be about you got to read them on the spot also can be dangerous in the adult industry just reading the cards and i think that's you know what i think we've met i've met enough adult industry people now where i i'm i now i reject that idea but i mean i've

met three but it's three for three yeah lisa asa bella have all been just like awesome and it's no it's no mistake no coincidence that they're all like legends of the game because at the end of the day you still got to be you know you got to be hot and you got to be able to fuck but you got to be a businesswoman you got to be smart you got to i think at a time i'm sure that was true where it was just you know it was true that you know you know women would know where to turn or whatever went there now i think i think it's like blogging or podcasting where it was it was little trolls in basements and then eventually people like this is a business and i'm gonna figure out how to fucking run this business because i'm fucking smart. And guess what? She runs it, bro.

And also, yeah, I'm smart. Also, I like fucking fucking. But as you'll find out specifically on ATI, Bella Danger loves to suck dick. Loves it. I mean, she loves it. So go check that out. And like I said, three interviews today. We're also going to take

some of your twitter questions of course your voicemails but first uh john's got a vent uh john's got something to talk about and i would imagine he's going to get fired up i'd imagine maybe he's going to get a little red maybe he's going to start pounding the desk and you're going to have to watch it my right leg is just shaking yeah you're ready to rip so good if you're watching if you're watching on gold right now look under the table you'll probably see that thing just jibber jabbering away you probably heard me slamming the pen a little bit that's when I know you're mad

I've just been writing my name over and over like a fucking psychopath just like John all work and no play makes John an angry boy go to barstoolgold.com slash KFC if you want to watch so when you go to gold you get the video version of the podcast, but also all of our extra products.

I also have decided I'm going to be doing a behind the blog, and I think I'm going to try to track down Boss Lady. I think I'm going to do Erica Nardini. Oh, very nice. I think I'm a little fed up with how all of her shit keeps hitting the cutting room floor. All of her quotes and all of her interviews get chopped up. And I saw her tweet. HBO referred to her as the right-hand man woman.

And she said, can I just be a woman, please? And, you know, so I feel bad that she never gets to. She's so much more. Like, you didn't forget about Barstool. Like, the whole world should know Erica Nardini's story. Like, where she came from, what else she built backstage, all the shit she did in the music and the fashion industry. So I'm going to try to track her down and see if I can get an hour of her time

because Lord knows she's busy trying to keep us idiots on point. So behind the blog will be coming your way, hopefully, with the CEO of Smut, Erica Nardini. But as for right now, you're going to get to watch John go off the rails. It's brought to you by No Bull. No Bull Project. It's time to demand more from your workout gear the way that you demand more from yourself.

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we're gonna we're gonna get there well i i i mean i'm not a huge workout guy i've been more of a diet guy but once i lost i lost like 15 or 20 pounds and then what happens is rather than being like pedal to the metal like all right let me take this to the next step i'm just like wow i can backslide a little bit you know what i mean so then time for cake exactly i had uh three bowls of cinnamon toast crunch for dinner last night nice yeah so that's you know that's where i'm at with my diet um and i when i saw myself on on stage for stand-up i was like i'm looking like a rectangle i'm looking very boxy that i think that was you were but i think that was just clothes yeah the shirt was kind of boxy but i'm but you know what's funny is like you always see us for the longest time you just saw our heads on skype and then it was weird for people to even

see like our body and now when you think about it i'm always sitting on the rundown we're sitting here on stool scenes you might see us walking around but for the most part you don't see our full body so when i was on stage and i was like you could see like my fucking skinny fat everything i was like oh yikes so i gotta get i can't do i gotta do more than just the diet i gotta get back in the gym or just to the gym not back to the no bull they do footwear they do apparel they do accessories for people who train hard and don't believe in excuses now i'll be honest i don't train hard and i do love excuses i do love a good excuse but it's time to make some changes and the best way to make some changes and get to the gym Believe in excuses. Now, I'll be honest. I don't train hard, and I do love excuses. I do love a good excuse. But it's time to make some changes.

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That's N-O-B-U-L-L-P-R-O-J-E-C-T.com slash KFC. No bull, baby. What do you got for me, Johnny? It's a PSA that's really going to expand and evolve, I think. Oh, okay. But it's primarily, it's stop telling me to use night mode. Go off, King! It is so fucking annoying.

I'm so confused. I thought you were in night mode. No. You are not in night mode? No. Open my Twitter for you? I'm almost positive you've yelled at me about this before, but about this before but i've definitely never yelled at you about night mode i could not agree more it's fuck night mode it's not even just night mode though it's and like it started

with that it's it's there's always something on twitter that people will yell at you about and when you when twitter first got cooking probably, I don't know, five, six years ago whenever it was really humping, it was... Humping? That's what Eckersley calls a fastball. He humped it in there. By the way, Dennis Eckersley. Hypocritical fuck.

Yeah, what are you going to do? That's what happens when you get old. You just become a hypocrite? Turn the music down. You used to play music. It was a tough look when there was literal clips of him from documentaries being like, of course I'm going to show emotion. What the fuck?

Continue. But I do think Marcus Stroman also deserves it. I hate Marcus Stroman. It's not even that. I hate him. He's such a fucking douche. You're a douche. Because Stroman gets mad when batters do it.

Does he? I thought he didn't. I think he's one of those. I think he's one where it's like – maybe I'm wrong. I think you're a douche. That's what I think. But the – so it was – it used to be, that's where it was really going, it was people would tell you your battery.

Charge your battery. Charge your battery. Charge your battery. Like as if people would just sit. John, I swear to God, you're plugged into my brain. I mean, I'm thinking, oh, I just got this just last night. I got one of those. Someone's still saying it?

And I fucking wanted to throw my phone out the goddamn window. Last night, I tweeted a screenshot of my mother. This was last night at 9.48 p.m. Right there. Bingo, bingo. Alex Kogan, charge your phone. Alex Kogan, take your phone and shove it down your fucking throat until you choke on it and die.

I honestly didn't know people still said that. I thought it was, like, what do you do? I'm using my phone, man. I lose battery sometimes. I have enough to tweet, shut the hell up. Shut the hell up. But, like, people don't do that to me anymore but then from from the battery it evolved to messages messages and like alerts and updates like if you had a red circle on your phone like my anxiety can't handle

it yeah guess what motherfucker mine can so shut up yep i can i don't get that all the time i actually don't like the text messages that one it doesn't bother me like i don't get anxiety from looking at it i just i think it's weird that people don't read the text messages, that one. It doesn't bother me. Like, I don't get anxiety from looking at it. I just, I think it's weird that people don't read their text messages. But I get it with my emails because I have, like, literally 50,000 already. I get it with all three. Read your emails. Read your text messages.

Open your tweets. Bitch, shut up. I don't fucking care. It's my phone. Leave me alone. Yes. And people think that they're just, people that they're well now it's now it's night mode now it's like you tweet a screenshot it's like dude you don't use night mode like

what are you a serial killer that's bad for your eyes oh god that's the worst battery you're a psychopath people try to actually say a real reason it's even worse like like the the cliche tired played out is you're a psychopath you're a sociopath you're a serial killer but if you're actually trying to tell me like don't like don't worry about your eyes like shut the fuck up but the i even like i think all of them have made me realize that it's just it's people on the internet are the worst obviously and i don't even mean that like when they're mean but like they're the worst because they're people because they're human beings and um the uh it's basically everyone thinks they're speaking honestly like what i'm saying is like download twitter stop tweeting because like you try and make anyone

makes jokes right any joke that happens in the news like it's you have 50 of them in a row on your timeline yep and then any like observation that's all the same thing you're not as interesting as you think you are if If you've thought of something, 100,000 other people have. So you need to be like, yeah, I have a comment. That's my regular thought. This is, especially charge your phone.

This is, this all comes down to people think they're funnier than they are. Right. Like you just said. People think they're funnier, they're more interesting, they're more observant, anything. You're just not as impressive as you think you are.

We have always said the, I remember Dave saying this on like a video, video like early on that like the way to blog is you find something else in the video to talk about like you don't talk about the knockout you talk about what the guy in the background was doing or what pants he was wearing or whatever and so people try to find that it's like last night i was joking my mom had sent me a funny text about the mets and this guy rather than talk about the text is going to be mr funny and talk about my low battery that's not funny it's not it's not people don't get it wrong trying to find the quirky funny observation that is funny you are not good yeah exactly and and you go with the charger battery like you're actually really really bad at it it got so annoying people would do it like anytime

we tweet a picture and they'll like zoom in on the background and be like what is that dude a remote control yeah it's my fucking tv it got to the point where like i wanted to just rent hotel rooms anytime i had to take a picture so there could be nothing in the background that would be like held to me that you would try and make fun of which is like you're not good at this you're not good at it shut up my apartment floors for 10 straight years people commented on the floors of my apartment why those are poor people floors bro like oh you really have parquet floors oh you don't have like carpeting like i was like i i don't know man every single apartment i've ever've ever rented in Manhattan has had these floors.

I'm sorry I didn't rent an apartment and tear up the floorboards and replace it with something. What do you want, Mike? Like marble floors or something? My apartment floors were the subject of thousands of tweets to me for like a decade straight. That's where I think like all my hatred comes from is people talking about my goddamn apartment floor it's just you're not fuck those you're not as funny as you think you are it's not even like a twitter piece this is just a general life thing you're not as funny as you think okay but now let me thoughts don't need to be said let me ask you this because they're not original as i'm looking at my timeline i saw someone that said do you guys really think that

you are funny slash comedians so um do you apply this same thought to yourself though are we are we not as funny as we think we are maybe we know what i'm up no because like we have metrics that we have track record yeah so you think you're funny yes yeah yeah i don't think i'm funny i know i'm funny i don't know if i'm funny i think i'm funny do you think i'm funny yes i think you're very funny sometimes i don't know you know me i always get on i i always compare myself to these like super funny comedians and i don't think i'm funny like them and so i think there's different kinds of funny they're they're funnier yeah the yeah the funniest people in the world i i think it's what like you're one you're in the top one percent of funniest people in the

world i'd put it in the top 0.5 i You have a very successful funny podcast. You work for a very successful comedy company. Funny place, yeah. But sometimes I think I make my living off of just being truthful, which is not necessarily a fun thing. You're not just speaking truth. You're not just saying 2 plus 2 is 4. You're making funny observations that are true. All right, I'm just fishing now.

Just fishing for compliments, John. But the rest of you guys, fuck you. You ain't funny. Most of you aren't the rest of you guys fuck you you ain't funny like most of you aren't most of you aren't i don't like i mean think about it being funny it's not crazy to say that it's like you're not a funny person when you have a funny podcast that's like a top 10 comedy podcast that works you're a funny person there's proof the proof's in the pudding there yeah yeah it's just like i don't like to do a two-year-old thing, but this is just a fact of the matter. I think that some people, you know, it's like when people jump on the golf course

and they expect to be good, and they're throwing their driver around, smashing their putter when they're not good. It's like, why did you think you're going to be as good as Tiger Woods is on a Sunday? It's like a talent, you know? Same thing with kind of being funny. It's like, why would you think you're funny? Are you asking me personally? No, in the in general it's like yeah you're just some fucking schlub and you're gonna you're gonna try to tweet like you're gonna make try to make

fun of me or tweet weird things at me it's like you're probably not that funny it's not that funny we probably sound like assholes but it really i don't think i think it's just like yeah i there i don't like i'm not saying no one else is funny. I'm just saying the people who reply, dude, you don't use night mode. What are you, a lunatic? Aren't funny. That's not funny. That's just not funny.

Other people in the world can certainly be funny. There are random people on Twitter who are fucking hilarious. The people who do that are not funny. And by the way, just speaking on night mode, like the black background is just, it's not good. No. It doesn't save any battery. I tried it. Like, this isn't even me saying like i refuse to try it i've tried it it's awful i don't want to tell you what's going on right now i don't know how this happened but i must have mashed some buttons or whatever and i it automatically switches at nighttime now for me

so like and i don't know how to turn it off because i don't even know how to i mean i'm sure i can just go to settings and figure it out but i haven't so every night around like you know i don't know six o'clock or some shit it's it just switches on me and i'm like when the sun goes down the car and it switches like the gps that's exactly what i was like i always thought that was magic this is fucking look at me look at me in a spaceship it's pretty good let's do some twitter questions here before we get into our voicemails uh they're brought to you by they're delivered by postmates not since Twitter has there been an invention quite like Postmates.

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I don't have to drive to the grocery store to pick up my groceries. I don't have to sit at the kitchen and cook. I can just sit there, scroll Twitter, crack joke because I am funny, read all of your unfunny jokes because you're not funny, and when my meal arrives, I get to eat it, toss away all the packaging, don't have to do any dishes. It's amazing. It's the perfect night for me. It's just Twitter and Postmates. So go to Postmates right now.

Download the app. Use the promo code KFC when you check out. And you'll get free delivery for the next seven days up to $100. So $100 in delivery credit. Anything you want to eat, anything you need delivered, I get medicine from the pharmacy delivered for my kids. I get diapers and wipes. I get wine from the liquor store.

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Are you kidding me, Spaghetti Arms? Skip it. You and Fights are the captains in a 3v3 blacktop basketball game. You each have to pick two starters and one backup using only KFC Radio guests. Let's just pick one team. Oh. A 3v3 basketball game with KFC Radio guests. Yeah, Matt Barnes.

Matt Barnes is for sure number one overall pick. I'm going to be bad at this because I just – the guests, they're hard to remember. Well, Julian Edelman. He's a professional athlete. Although I could see him being a spaz on the basketball court. He played baseball, so I think he is just overall athletic in many sports. But for some reason, I could still –

could you see him having a goofy jump shot? Oh, without a doubt. Yeah. He's got some tree trunk legs, bro. He was busting out of those pants. I could just see him maybe – like he couldn't even dribble through his legs because his fucking thighs are too big. But, I mean, I would imagine professional athletes are always a pretty solid pick. I think Vince Wilford's good.

Yeah, he's always been described as one of those guys who like he catches the punts in practice. He's very versatile. No, but even like – this is one end of the spectrum and the other um he's either really good or really bad it was when the texans were on hard knocks like there was like one day spent at his house with a cookout and he's playing basketball and he's sweating up a storm and i forget if he was actually making it rain or if it was like philip seymour hoffman in the long game poly where he was missing yeah but it was like i remember him taking a lot of shots and dripping sweat and playing basketball i forget where his talent level was i just it was such a visual that

i just kind of forgot to watch the ball i was too busy watching vince uh so he's played with a basketball before he's touched and he's a big boy you put him in the fucking post you're actually having a 3v3 game like just get it to Vince in the post. Yeah. He's probably going to put the ball in the basket. He's going to do work. I think I did this on Barstool Radio and not KC Radio, but Kyle Van Noy can probably hoop. I would guess so. He's just got the size, too.

As far as our actual guests, though, we have so many entertainers that I think are like actors and not the athletic type. I'm trying to think. Do you think Glenn Howerton's athletic? No. i'm trying to think do you think glenn howerton's athletic no yeah right i don't think glenn's athletic i think mark paul gosser might be yeah you i know we know he cycles so he's like oh yeah no he's not then um yeah because if you do weird sports you can't do the regular exactly wait once yeah no cycling absolutely not uh you know who i would put on my team dann Danny DeVito. I would love to watch Danny DeVito play basketball because he is shaped like a basketball.

He's a perfect sphere. Yeah, we'll have to run through the list. Let's make, we'll expand this and we'll do this, you know, we need a little bit of time to think. We'll turn it into a full five, a starting five of KFC Radio guests playing basketball. And you know what? I'm going to say, not that we even have that many. I think we listed them all. But let's take out the professional athletes.

Okay. Let's make it out of all the entertainers and comedians that we've ever talked to who would be the best five-on-five basketball team. Let's see what else we got. Shout out to Spaghetti Arms for that one. Are you kidding me, Spaghetti Arms? Real quick one for me here. If you could fire one of the following owners into the sun who would it be fred and jeff wilpon woody johnson

or james dolan oh no i know i know you think that's tough but it's not it's the wilpons i knew the answer to i just mean like that might be a little bit of recency bias but when you really start to break it down – I'm trying to think how to make it harder for you. Well, actually, this went a step further and said you get to fire one into the sun, but you are absolutely stuck for life with the other two. Right. Which, I mean, you're stuck for life with all three. All three.

People are asking me to stage a protest or a walkout or something, and it's just like, it's just not going to work. No, it's not. You're asking someone to sell a $2 billion asset. Like that makes them probably like a hundred million dollars a year or whatever the fuck, you know? Yeah,

no, I'm just going to go. People are angry. Don't care. But, but I would say this, if I was, if I was them and I could sell something for $2 billion and then just like

be obnoxiously rich beyond your wildest dreams and get rid of something that like it has to cause them stress. No, like they're terrible at running this. It's like when I was when I was at Deloitte to use a very like loose analogy here. I was like, this is a good paycheck and I'm happy like with the money. But like I am just so stressed because I'm so bad at it, and I keep fucking up, and people keep yelling at me, and my coworkers don't like me anymore, and I wanted to just be done with it,

and I took a pay cut, and I jumped over here, because I was like, I can't take this anymore, no matter how good the benefits are, no matter how much potential to earn I have there. If I was Jeff Wilpon, I could either have the entire city but you didn't have much potential to earn because you said you're not good at it but it was still like i mean at least at the time being you know i was making like 75 grand as like a kid out of college and it was like this is you know i might as well have been a millionaire in that moment you know and

like if if i had just maintained i would have been like you know a manager in finance it would have been pretty good um but like i just the thought of like the entire city hating me and me like every time i make a move that sucks everyone jumps down my throat i'd be like you know what i'm just gonna sell this for two billion dollars and go like sit on the couch it's always it's always hard to just kind of put yourself in like other people's shoes as far as stress Goes the Like I'm sitting here I'm like I just wouldn't I don't think I care I just wouldn't listen to this boy

I just wouldn't listen to it Just keep doing my thing I guess it's kind of unavoidable but even if it's Like if it's like the cover of the New York Post right Like it's hard to walk down the street in New York City and not see that But the I think if you have that level of money like even when even as far as like getting you know everything always comes back to comparing things to yourself like people getting mad on me on twitter

or like not liking me on twitter affected me a lot more when like you know six seven years ago when a i was making a lot less money and b i thought i could be fired like now you know you're good and it's just like i don't fucking care right yeah i know they can't make get fired and they make a lot more money it's they're probably just like i mean what are you gonna fucking although i'll say this i don't know i feel like everybody might get fired i think right now nobody's safe which leads in perfectly to this next question uh the people this comes from falling puppets uh the people in the office are dinosaurs from jurassic park who is what dinosaur and why and i would say right now dave is like the one from jurassic world that's like the hybrid that is just a bloodthirsty killing machine. He's ready to kill and eat everyone. You made him give it camouflage?

Why would you do that? He is finely tuned to be a hateful monster of tyranny right now. Actually, it's not even tyranny because he's right on this one. He's pretty justified in complaining about some of the attitudes around here. Dave, I would say, would be... But to keep it simple i'd say like dave is the t-rex right yeah i think the t-rex is aren't we learning t-rex is kind of a pussy yeah but like the you know whatever's like the jurassic i'm sticking with i dinosaurs are not evolving in my lifetime i won't stand for it but they were is what they are but yeah yeah they didn't have feathers no they're not small they're

not like birds they look like a fucking lizard. Yeah. And he was humongous. He had little arms. And he was the king of the jungle. Yeah. That's just... I refuse to accept more dinosaur knowledge.

No. I am not going to become a paleontologist. I'm not even going to learn how to say the word. And I'm just sticking with what I saw in Jurassic Park. That is all I will know about dinosaurs for the rest of my life. I would say Dave is the T-Rex. I would say that the Daddy Girls and the Daddy Gang are the Velociraptors because they're like the little ones.

They all gang up and they can actually attack the T-Rex because they're the only ones who get to Dave. They don't really get to Dave. They just don't show up. He's not firing them. He's not doing anything about it, so they're getting their way. Yeah, but I think like there are so many. In they were they were kind of talking about it on radio recently but they were like i think dan said you know if you don't like grind here you're not going to be here long i disagree

with that wholeheartedly it doesn't matter you'll be here forever lifetime contract you're not going to let you doesn't fire anybody right he was he was ranting about that where he's like everyone thinks they have 10-year deals well that's because you never fired anybody now now if you don't grind you won't be successful right right but you can sit here and collect a paycheck you'll never get a raise you'll never get a promotion you'll never be anybody but you'll just sit here for life without a doubt no doubt um i would say uh who's like the brontosaurus like there's the big i get i think maybe we're kind of the brontosaurus like we just there's like these big guys are just like chill over there and like we're slow and kind of lazy we just eat the fucking the plants and we're not really in the drama you know

i would say that's a fair that's a fair assumption like while the t-rex and the and the the velociraptors are fighting and there's all these you know and we're just like just eating the fucking leaves i think that's a good i think that's a good one we're we're also like, you know, we're just like, just eating the fucking leaves. I think that's a good one. But we're also big. We're fucking big. You know us. You know about the brachiosaurus and the brontosaurus. But we ain't going to get in that stampede over there.

I would say, I would say, I'm trying to think what PMT would be. We try Ceratops um i'm just trying to think of the other like you know like big fucking like well-known like the triceratops the stegosaurus stegosaurus because they don't really mix it up either they don't i would say that they are triceratops and i think the stegosaurus are actually both i think um veggie yeah i think so it's called um herbivores herbivores uh so i would say that's them they don't want the drama they don't want to fight they don't want the blood and i would think dan is the triceratops and and he and pft is the stegosaurus or vice versa

there are two you two of the best known and uh they just like do their thing i would i think that's an accurate one the uh who's the dilophosaurus remember that that's the guy that's i was just thinking of well who's the spinner that's crazy accurate one. Who's the Dilophosaurus? Remember that? That's the guy. That's what I was just thinking of. Well, who's the spinner? That's crazy. We were both thinking about that. Well, that's because that's the only one left.

Like, we don't know anymore. I was also going to think the little tiny ones. Oh, wait. Well, who's the... Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Who's the pterodactyl? Spell pterodactyl. P-T-E-R-O-N-G.

Yeah, that's it. That's my bad. No, you got it. The flying dinosaur. Who would be the flying? What would be the equivalent of flying? Like, I guess Erica? Would Erica be a pterodactyl?

Why do you say that? I don't know. Just like she reigns over everything. Overseeing it. And also now I just think a pterodactyl would be Danny and she would be Danny. Yeah, like pterodactyls are not dragons in my mind yeah yeah exactly yeah she would be the she would be the dragon pterodactyl who would the chiclets gang be just like you know they're off like separate

who's a canadian dinosaur which dinosaurs had funny accents the no but who's the spitter the spitter would be parcel breakfast no no wait so the spitter is like it looks very unassuming it's like it looked cute remember newman was like oh you're you're not dangerous and then they fucking kill you who's the who's the person that you think that you basically take for granted or overlook and they're actually like a fucking assassin i guess that would be keith with with like a response yeah like for the most part keith is just like the nice version of the the dilophosaurus you're just kind of like you know hanging out and then like you cross him and he's like right yeah i actually fucking hate you and i'll spit this poison in your face that's

another good one though we could flesh barcelona breakfast is like that too though because barcelona breakfast does they kind of just regularly... Just snap on people? Yeah, but they're like awesome and fun and they're the party guys, so that's their nice unassuming part. Right. But then sometimes it's like, fuck the cousins, fuck, I don't know, whoever they get mad about. Did you see Sean Latham going at Francis?

I did see that. That was crazy. Yeah. I didn't even think that was... You would have thought that Francis said, like, and fuck Sean Latham in his email, in his blog or something. It was like, boy. Yeah, I think he never mentioned Sean.

Yeah, no, he didn't. He just said, like, you know, it's not just the people who didn't dress up. It was like, well, I don't know. Is that some sort of guilty conscious thing on you, Sean? Because you just jumped to a fucking conclusion on that one. I love being the Brachiosaurus. The Brachiosaurus is chilling and avoiding all that shit. Just chilling for it.

I wish I had fucking just dressed up and I wouldn't have had to be involved in that at all because I love to just eat my leaves over here. Let me do one more Twitter here. Quick would you rather from Space Ghost maybe. Would you rather have the power

to teleport anywhere you've been before or the power to go anywhere you've been before or the power to go invisible to everyone except people that you've spoken with before that's a little too complicated uh teleporting where i've been teleport anywhere you've been yeah yeah teleport teleporting is really like very high on my list of like i want to be and like going invisible like what i don't really care about going invisible i want to be by strangers i was gonna say they don't want to talk to me now if i could go invisible to people that i like see daily that would be more about right that's that yeah if i could be invisible around dave if i could be visible around here that would be that would be

a different story so let me ask you that then teleport anywhere you've been or you get to go invisible to like people that you interact with um i still think teleporting i save money on ubers you save time right teleport again like i don't care about like well i've been to canada i've been to prague i've been to no it's just like i'm going to the office the office at home yeah that's all just just quick bang no doubt that's that's but it would be like you know uh i'm just gonna pop down to the bahamas for like a couple hours on the beach and then pop back. So it's like, bam, vacation. You could use it. Yeah, I could do that.

But really, the value is in saving the $40 a day on Ubers. Speaking of, where should I go? As you're listening to this, it'll be too late, but we're recording this the week prior. I should go somewhere. I don't have the kids for the first half of the week. We don't have work. What should I do?

Should I go somewhere alone? No. Should I just hop on a plane to the Bahamas by myself? I think that's too far to go alone. Florida? I think you can't really go to like... Should I even just

go to some trash bag shit like Atlantic City but I get a bomb ass hotel room and I do the spa and I just chill and eat good meals? Or do I just sit on my couch? See, I think we all know what you're going to do. But maybe not. I don't think – I like going – I think going alone is – going on vacation alone is cool, but I don't think it is like the beach.

I don't think – you have no interest in this, but I, as a very intelligent person, I like experiencing other cultures. And I think that's fun to do alone. You know, not in like dangerous places, but like, you know, like going over to London or something like that. Like I would have fun in London alone. I wouldn't have fun in the Bahamas. What would you do in London? I'd go like, I wouldn't go on tours.

I don't go on tours. I hate being told nowhere I have to be. But I just like to go explore. And I like to go walk around and like check out the place. Yeah, I'd go like i'd go in big ben or whatever and go look at i've never been to london yeah i would i would i have no interest in that stuff i would mean like i would i think you do i think i think i always say i have no interest in stuff and then i do it and i'm like fuck i'm really interested in this well maybe i specifically big ben i don't care about yeah that's just i would like like i went to uh was younger, so I couldn't really appreciate it. But I do remember I went to the Louvre in Paris

and like saw some bomb ass like legendary art. That was kind of cool to check off the list. But like like a like a building doesn't do it for me. But even even when we say like team indoors

and stuff like that, when I go outdoors, when I'm forced to go, like when I go skiing, I'm on the top of the mountain. I'm like, this is fucking wild. It definitely has its right.

And like I've never been to the Grand Canyon, but I bet if I was at the Grand Canyon, I'd be like, i'm like this is fucking wild yeah it definitely has its right and like i've never been to the grand canyon but i bet if i was at the grand canyon i'd be like holy shit this is fucking awesome yeah you know what i actually it's very funny even when i was down in st louis i was like hanging out by a lake fucking fishing i was like it's kind of fun man like you hear the birds and shit like that like it's there's definitely a reinvigorating aspect to just experience something new you're like oh like i'm yeah i'm like interested in this this is like this this is a reason to live like to experience all right i won't kill myself there's birds in st louis suicides off for at least another week just like oh like this is like a like we live in

a pretty interesting world i don't want to see more of it all my like team indoorsness this is it's like so hypocritical it's so like backwards The one thing I really want to do is go see the Northern Lights. They have these things set up where you get a little cabin. It's almost like you have your own igloo. It's not made out of ice, but you get a little fucking thing, and you sleep out there. I actually want to do that. Go do it.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to. But that would be sick. I would love to see the Northern Lights, because it also makes me feel like aliens and shit like that. Yeah. It makes me feel like the cosmos. It's basically like you get to go to space. It's just an alien fight.

That's what's happening out there. Yeah, it's a space wage fight. You know what else I like? Have you ever seen any of the little things, the little events that can happen at the sundown? I think so. I saw this. I think you have to be in the Caribbean. You have to be in the right spot by the equator.

Right when the sun passes beneath the horizon, there's a green flash. There's little quirky things that can happen with the light. I think one of them is called St. Elmo's Fire or something like that. If the clouds are right and the sun's right, like everything blasts out like red. There's all these weird shit that can happen at sundown if you're in the right place at the right time. And I want to see all those things. I went kayaking in Puerto Rico in a lake that when you paddled in the water, you had to paddle at night. You can only do it at night.

But when you paddled in the water, the water like turned green. It was like – Yeah. And it was like – I kind of want to paddle at night. You could only do it at night, but when you paddled in the water, the water turned green. Yeah, I kind of want to see that shit. Although it did get... You go at sunset, but you're still out there at 10 p.m. At that point, it's a little too dark. I'm not going to be doing that.

We're going to go to the canal, and there are trees overhanging, and we're bumping into each other because we fucking can't see each other. All right, guys. It's time to wrap this up. Yeah, that's enough. We should have taken a fucking powerboat out here so we could drag these motherfucking

You can paddle and then get the fuck out. Yeah, St. Elmo's fire is a weather phenomenon in which luminous plasma creates an electric field in the atmosphere. So you get to see, I don't even know exactly what it looks like. Let's see. Bright blue or violet glow around lightning rods, masts, spires, chimneys,

aircraft wings, animals. Fire can also appear on leaves and grass. Just all this shit. And as much as I'm a team indoors i want to see nature's phenomenon yeah but just like just like real quick and i want to go home you know so where do i go uh oh so where do you go i i mean like i'm not gonna go see natural phenomenon right now but i mean because like we have a pretty long time. I'm splitting up my kids this week,

so she's going to have them the first half of the week. So I'm going to have days. I can't just sit on the couch for that many days. Unless somebody wants to come fuck me all week. I either need a jump off or I've got to go somewhere. I don't know. I don't like holidays. I don't really like traveling in the summer.

Because you're sweating? It's just too much. I don't like holidays. I don't really like traveling in the summer. Because you're sweating? Like, it's just too much. Like, I want to go. I've been looking at places to go, like, right before fall starts. Just because, like, summer, it's like, we live in a great place, the country to be in summer. Oh, disagree. You think New York's good in the summer?

Well, I don't mean New York. I just mean the Northeast region. So you don't want to travel far is what I meant. Gotcha. What I'm saying, i'm looking at places i'm looking at like london barcelona uh croatia doing a big big yeah just i mean just for like a couple just for like the thing about croatia so far but i really want to go to croatia you're going wifey yeah yeah see that's the thing when you have a when you're in a relationship like traveling becomes

like you like you don't have to worry about going alone i'm kind of like where can i go alone that's not weird. Well, you have somebody to go with now. So yeah, for sure. Yeah. No, I wasn't going to hit that alone.

I mean, although I would, I would, I would definitely go alone. I heard Copenhagen's dope. I kind of want to go there. Um, but,

uh, for you, I'm going to give you like an easy answer. It's probably Florida. I don't know. Why? No. Why Florida?

You're just going to the, if you're going to the beach, we live in a great part to be in a beach right now. So if you need to travel to a beach, if I were you, I wouldn't go to a beach. Just because, unless you're going to one here. I wouldn't go to the Bahamas. I wouldn't go to Florida. It's just like we're here already.

I would go I kind of want you to go somewhere kind of interesting. But I'm also not trying to like fucking drop a European vacation. Yeah. Cost either. You know what I mean? Well,

I'm going to sit on the couch. I think go to Newport, go to, go to AC, go to somewhere like that. AC is trash. Maybe I'll go to Newport. If you go to Newport,

I'll pop out there. Maybe we'll do that. Alright, voicemail time. It's brought to you by MVMT. No matter where I end up, I'll be rocking MVMT shades for the summer. They've got the... Last summer, I rocked Hide. They have all these different names. The Hide pair, like

Jekyll and Hyde. They were black frames, reflective lenses, real basic look. and this year i'm rocking i'm getting the ones that are uh the translucent frames with the purple blue polarized my weekenders i like the weekenders i'm going i'm gonna get cocky with it the ones they're like the first ones on the list this year they're new for this season the like the purplish translucent with the blue frames are cocky they're probably like they're like for this season the like the purplish translucent with the blue frames are cocky they're probably like they're like my midlife crisis sunglasses yeah they're like

they're like surfer boys yeah yeah yeah which is like that's what i want to be deep down but i'm so so clearly not maybe i'll go surfing that one i just want to go to the beach and like wear the wetsuit and carry the board around and like flip my hair around like you don't wear a wetsuit huh you don't wear a wetsuit no i'm gonna wear a wetsuit because i want because i have to make the look complete you know but you wouldn't look they don't wear wetsuits no you weren't not in the summer no we're in the wetsuit when the war is cold i thought it was more like uh uh just like protecting your body when you're shredding the gnar no i think i think most guys surfing in this i think most surfers and surfing in the summer who I think most surfers surfing in the summer

who aren't trying to just look the part are just going in the basement. Well, I just want to look the part. Yeah, but I mean, by trying to look the part, they'd be like, he's just trying to look the part. Yeah. He does not surf. Yeah.

You know what I mean, though? If I just walked around with the board, it's just like, yeah. I just went out there for like, you know, I just did a, what do they call it, like a set of waves or some shit, like just did a couple killer sets or whatever. I don't think it's a set.

There's some term for it though, right? I need to learn all the terms. Yeah, crushing barrels. There you go. I'm just going to say that at the bar and shit like that. I just want to walk around with a surfboard while I'm wearing my MVMT shades. Plus you got the watches to match all at an affordable cost.

These are like designer brand type look and quality but all at an affordable price. When are like designer brand type look and quality, but all at an affordable price. When you go to MVMT.com slash KFC, you get 15% off free shipping and free returns. MVMT.com slash KFC. It's time for these voicemails. What do we got, Nick? What's up, KFC Radio? Call me because I have this really weird business.

And it's not comfortable with the notes here. Girl, I've been been seeing for like two months beautiful girl everything's great takes care of me whole package going great first two months

but when she shakes people's hand she shakes she's so hard because she's like a professional business woman

whatever but she shakes it so hard it's like every dude and every woman reacts to it and it's like she likes it

she has a good handshake, but it's really, really making me uncomfortable. I introduced her to people and she's mangled the fuck out of their hands. So it's kind of get your take on it. I mean, that is, um,

that is, I think this guy's being super insecure. How hard could you possibly be shaking someone's hand? I mean, he made it sound like other people are reacting. Like if people were like, yo, your girl is like crushing my hand, like saying something to you, then maybe it would be awkward. But for the most part, I think this is probably like in his own head. It has to be.

I mean, I'm sure it sounds like, you know, she's probably got a pretty good grip. Like a lot of girls just kind of do like the dainty thing. And I could see. Which would you prefer? A girl who does like, she sticks her hand pretty good grip. A lot of girls just kind of do the dainty thing, and I could see. Which would you prefer? A girl who does like, she sticks her hand out like this? Like the queen? Yeah. Or someone who just like really grabs you?

Well, I think if we're talking like the exaggerated put your hand out, I think you look like an asshole. Yeah. So I don't want her to be perceived as like this bitch. What do you want me to kiss the ring? But I don't want a girl. perceived as like this bitch. What do you want me to like kiss the ring? But I don't, I don't want, I don't want a girl.

I want you to just be natural. Like, it sounds like I do think this is in this guy's head, but if your girl is out there, like I need to shake hands like a man because I'm a business woman and I need to prove to them that I have a career and I'm not like, I think that's weird. Like if you're,

if you're like a small girl and you have a small hand, like just give me a normal handshake. I'm not going to judge you. I have a strong handshake. I get it. weird. If you're a small girl and you have a small hand, just give me a normal handshake. I'm not going to judge you. I have a strong handshake, I guess. Yeah, you got a pretty big bear paw, and you lay it in there. You do it on purpose, though? No, I mean, I don't have a... In fact, I was...

Remember when I shook... Whose hand was it? From Parks and Rec. Jerry? No, no, no, no, no uh she goes by one name big kings fan retta retta remember retta like screamed yeah and and then she was like nervous to shake yours and kind of dainty stuck out to you and like warned you don't shake it you crushed her i did like i but like that was i i always knew i had a good handshake but i mean people usually if i if people do that where i'm like that that wasn't yeah that's normal right it's

like it's a good yeah i give a good squeeze and people say like oh it's a good handshake but it's never like whoa you're squeezing my hand here man i just lock it in and give a quick grab and uh she means she she yeah i thought she of her chair i was like oh my god i hate that i hate when you get it like uh like but like i'm just dead fishing you now like when you you know sometimes you just like it's not like you don't have a strong enough grip it's just like the way your hands like yeah yeah it were bad but it kind of it falls on you like you feel like it was your fault i hate that but the other person feels it too. And they're probably thinking it was their fault.

The world of handshakes, we talked about this recently when Trent dapped it up with, I think, Gary Woodland. I have one. Did you see when me and Trent dapped? Yeah, when you guys combined, it was like Captain Planet. It was like when your powers combine something special happens. Trent kind of,

I don't think he does it on purpose, but he kind of cups his hands so you get the pop and then he's like you guys are both big boys so you get like the lock yeah you guys you guys are it felt like we like combined two atoms yeah yeah yeah it was like nuclear fusion happened there yeah it was it echoed i think yeah the pop the pop is key i i i pride myself i don't i don't get the pop as much but like i've got a good like the not the handshake not the finger like trap the the clasp you know what i mean uh-huh the first like clasp i do that well and i do the good like the good hug i know how to do the dap and hug well and i think that if you don't know how to do that it's it's a bad trait to have like i'm going to teach my son how to do that it's very important yeah and really what you have to teach is the ability to know who is what yeah

like if you meet a an older guy in like a work setting you have to know he's going in for the handshake and if you meet like a younger dude uh young black kid young kid in general you know that you're gonna like do the whole dap. It's the in-between where you've got to teach your kid how to be perceptive. Like, what are we doing here? It's humongously important. And what you really have to do is put it out. I think it's almost better to make the decision.

You decide what's going to happen. And I think if you put your hand out, let's say your thumb is basically pointing to the sky and your fingers are pointing straight out, you are indicating we are going to do a handshake. I disagree. If you go like bent arm and hand up where your thumb is basically pointing behind you, you're indicating you're going to do like the class finger thing dap. See, I let the other person, I think the best,

I don't even think the best trait is knowing who does what because I think people just throw you curveballs all the time. Being a chameleon, being able to adapt. I think you've got to be able to adapt. It's like being able to dance a little bit with someone or being able to fuck. You've got to be able to read body language and be like, okay, this is what we're doing here.

I agree. I agree, but I also think sometimes when you're fucking, you've got to take charge and you decide what's going to go down. I guess. I guess that would be. So let me ask you this then. So it's almost like when you're a hitter, right? Let's say you're sitting fastball, but you know and you're ready to adjust for the curveball, right?

So what's your fastball? What are you anticipating is going to happen most of the time and then you are adapting to? I mean, I'm 30 now. I'm handshaking. And that's also part of just I think it's with um like being recognizable now where like when i feel someone touch me i'm just bam handshake it's just quick it's like yeah i'm like doc holidays got a handshake out for you um so i think that's what although i have been i have been switching to just fist bump yeah well that's nice and easy because when you put the fist up like everybody

how really got me in my head about like just shaking hands and stuff like that so now you missed joe coy prior to to how we remember he's the hugger oh yeah right so i just right away put my arms out there you go come on in big fella i edelman was weird what did you do with edelman element remember we did we did the class and then it's a hug i don't know if we so i did the clasp and the hug and he went into a handshake. Rather than the clasp to the finger thing, he went clasp, handshake as we were hugging. It was weird. I've almost never done

that combo. I think we did the full turn. I just did clasp, handshake, hug, let go. Because usually it's clasp, finger thing as you hug. I don't remember what we do here with Edelman. Into handshake, I was like, that was kind of weird. It's a weird one.

Yeah, it's like a hybrid. I was like, what are we making things up now, Julian? I kind of like it. Usually, I feel like it all has to end in the finger thing. I can do clasp, handshake, finger thing if you want, but it's got to end in the finger clasp. Honestly, people complain about school, and it's like like you never gave me a class about taxes you never gave me a class about mortgages there should be a whole class on handshakes and daps i i i think it's

girls i don't know girls you don't have to worry about this shit yeah you can apparently i don't know unless unless this guy this girlfriend's apparently yeah yeah she does need it doesn't she i i ultimately think i would rather the Queen of England kissy thing than have this girl running around town trying to be man-handling people. I think I'd take the hands just because, first of all, I'll just come back at you.

If you try and out-squeeze me, I'll out-squeeze you. Like crushing some poor girl's hand. You think you're walking around in a pantsuit so you're important? Crush that hand. My girlfriend did it all the time. Sometimes we were holding hands, and she'll try and squeeze back. It doesn't hurt you at all?

I'm like, no. And then watch this. I could crush you in the palm of my hands. Never forget that. Yeah, exactly. Remember. Remember the disparity. next time you pick a fight remember this feeling she she like so if we're wrestling she'll do that sometimes but

she'll be like oh you kids calling out wrestling she'll be like like sometimes i just forget and i'm like oh yeah we're having fun and it's like oh he has the ability to do that whenever he wants crush your skull right now just boom! Nothing else you can do anymore. She's tiny too. She got no shot. She got no shot. I will dominate you, bitch! I told that to Keith recently. Keith's been poking the bear.

He'll walk by and he'll kick me or he'll throw stuff at me. I told him, I was like, just remember. Just so you know, you are like the little puppy. You are the video online right now where it's like, look at this puppy and lion are friends. And like the puppy is like jumping all over the lion and I'm letting you.

But just no. I can flip this switch real quick. Yeah, there's, I'm just allowing you to do this. I just want you to understand that. Next up. KFC, Fight, BC. I was on the beach the other day. I just moved to Santa Monica from New York, and I was wondering what you thought about this.

It's kind of in the same vein as the continuous sex question in Manhattan. What percentage of the shoreline do you think people have had sex on in history? I'm talking about the people who are closest to the water, closest to to the beach but what percentage of those people do you think have sex on it best i don't think this is very comparable to the continuous sex thing i don't think that like people have fucked on every square inch of the shoreline i think i think sex on the beach is rare yeah yeah definitely i mean and even like i was thinking back to like you know uh fucking cave woman times when you're like just living on the on the land like i don't

think they were fucking like right on the beach yeah i think it's actually very modern and real like all the lines all the way across the country well then yes you're obviously basically 100% there yeah but like i think it's actually probably only started recently where people are doing it for novelty i think early on people were like we're not gonna fuck like right by the ocean i think it was more of a novel thing like in the 90s when just because like now i think people understand like no i mean modern like uh you know like within the past like 100 years where people are doing it like they were doing it to like check off the box like i've had sex on the beach before i don't think anybody's ever done it i don't i don't have a desire to though i've like you know

like made out and kind of like second and third yeah it's crazy like i'm gonna finger you you can say you pussy then i'm gonna have sex with it i'm gonna get sand like raw dick nobody wants to fuck a sandbox no no thank you i would say this yeah i'm with you i don't think it's a common thing maybe i'm just a prude but i don't think it's a common just an inconvenience thing so no uh i think the percentage is like one percent i don't know one percent of the shoreline you think it's been fucked on yeah kinda like i mean the shoreline is fucking long pretty first of all i don't think humans are pretty small yeah like you'd have to fuck on every single inch. It's like, no, no fucking way. Yeah.

Even like the beaches I go to, I'm like, no one's ever had sex here. Yeah. And if they have, it's like second beach in Newport they have. Yeah. You go to like Manasquan, like that beach is just like filled with cum. But you go to like, I don't know, the shoreline up in like Maine and shit. No. Too many rocks.

Can't fuck on rocks. Yeah. That's crazy town. One more. KFC fight Super Mario BC. So I got a question. So there's this

new stupid movie coming out about this guy. He's the only person alive that remembers the Beatles. That's stupid. And he becomes a super mega pop star because of it. Now, my question is, if you had to either, one, be the first person in today's world in 2019 to know, I don't know, the next 10 biggest songs of the next five years and use those as your music before they ever came out.

So you're the originator of it or try to become a famous singer off of solely the classic song that you have memorized in your head. So every I'm lost. I don't get it. Uh, I feel like he's kind of at like, what songs would we do? Yeah, I'd summarize him because he goes on for another minute, not saying much. You have to already know the songs, and so any song you have memorized now you can go play, or they tell you what's going to pop. What songs are going to be big?

I can, if it's what songs I've memorized now, then I invent Happy Birthday. That's about it. big i mean i can if it's what songs i've memorized now then i can i invent happy birthday that's about it i mean there's and i could probably make a pretty penny off are you saying because that's the most like listened to song in the world you're saying that's the only song i have no songs memorized i i feel like i have songs memorized when i'm listening to them but if you were to just put the instrumental on and say, go rap it or sing it, I couldn't do it. There's no shot.

I don't think I could even do my own song. I don't think I could do that. I don't think I could dial. There could be Francis Scott Key. It's. Yeah. If I just like played the instrumental. Oh, who's they?

I would need it like in the background. Yeah. I can sing along. Yeah. But. And like, that's what I'm saying. When I sing along, I know all the words. I know like the background vocals at points. I know all of it, but I need it to like cue sing along. Yeah. But. And like, that's what I'm saying. When I sing along, I know all the words. I know like the background vocals at points.

I know all of it, but I need it to like cue me up. Yeah. That was the thing I think a while ago. If you had a gun to your head and you had to sing a song to save your life, what song would you sing? Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah.

That's it. No doubt. There's. And I also, I can't wait to see yesterday. I think it's gonna be awesome. Is that out tonight? I'm not sure. Bob Fox thought it was amazing.

How about this? Who would you do this with? The Beatles. Which band? Which act? Which group? Would you want to get to do this whole you or them? You become them. That's a good question probably maroon five really i mean i'm just thinking of massive bands whether i make the most money off i'll be honest

that answer stinks uh you want to go be maroon five i think i'm singing Jonas Brothers. Jonas Brothers. That's a good answer. Like pussy boy bands. I mean, I'm thinking of the most successful bands of our time. You're just being an old man. You're being an old Dennis Eckersley.

No, I would go actual boy band. I would go be like Backstreet Boys and Sync. Okay, that's a good one. I guess. But then it's like I'd have to, you know. So in that movie, is he just like, obviously the Beatles are a band and he's a one-man show, so is he just like, I'm Paul McCartney kind of?

I would imagine. So I guess, yeah, if I could go be Timberlake, I would probably do that. Timberlake? Yeah. I couldn't even tell you a Timberlake song, a Timberlake verse, a Timberlake line. No, no, no, I'm not talking about that.

Oh, Justin, I thought you said Timber you a Timberlake song, a Timberlake verse. No, no, no. I'm not talking about that. Oh, Justin Timberlake. I thought you said Timberland. Timberlake. JT. Yeah, JT's a good one. JT works. Who the hell calls him Timberlake? No one calls Justin Timberlake Timberlake.

It's JT. No. Or Justin Timberlake. Timberlake. No one says Timberlake. I mean, yeah, I guess so. But I also think that if you said Timberlake, people know what they're talking about. I think people know Timberland. No, I think everyone would say Justin Timberlake. I mean, yeah, I guess so, but I also think that if you said Timberlake, people know what they're talking about. I think people know Timberlake. No, I think everyone would say Justin

Timberlake. I disagree. I think there's only one Timberlake. But see, this isn't fair because we can't... He should just be Timberlake. We can't even put this to a poll. Why not? Because reading it is different. You have to hear it. You're wrong. If you read something... You are the only person in the world who would have been

confused by that. No, I'm not. If I say Timberlake, 100% of the world would go, Justin? It's also because of my knowledge of the music you like. Yeah, you went into Timberlake. You like 90s rap. Timberlake makes sense for something you'd want to do. Timberlake is one of the most underrated musical creators of all time. This is my point.

I'm connected enough into your head that I'm like, oh, he likes 90s rap. I sussed all that out real fast. It was like, Timberlake. Oh, yeah, I guess that kind of makes it must be timbaland i uh my answer for what i would want to do are you you have an itchy nose too i've been itching my nose this whole time people were sneezing earlier i don't know something's going on the office today but fuck out here it's friday right uh it's not it's crazy that it's crazy when yesterday was wednesday i couldn't believe it i would want to do this with a rapper, but how weird would that be? It wouldn't work. Yeah, well, that's what I was thinking, too.

You can't do Bob Dylan because you're singing about things that you're not live for. Also, Bob Dylan sucks. I love Bob Dylan. He sucks. You suck. He doesn't even speak. Yeah, I know. I like that.

He's got an interesting voice. He sounds like a human kazoo. I mean, I like Bob Dylan's hits. I don't like, I'm not listening to Bob Dylan's deep tracks. I hate Bob Dylan. I want to fight him rough and round. Let's fucking go. Like, imagine if all of a sudden I was just, like, trying to be, like, a gangster rapper

from, like, the West Coast. If I was just like, yeah, I'm fucking, I'm Snoop Dogg now. I'm Warren G. Just wouldn't work. You invented, like, and then my heezy, my jigger, my fligger. If I was just making up like new lingo, if everyone's like, oh, wow, yeah, that's like shizzle. That's really funny.

That new guy KFC says for shizzle. That's hilarious. By the way, in that movie, Bob Fox, well, I don't want to give any spoilers, but that movie goes deeper than just like this one guy doesn't. Like there's other things that got erased from existence. Oh, that's pretty cool. Actually, Bob Fox on an interview. He interviewed.

Who are they? Like a couple guys who like worked with the Beatles and they're like very important people. Yeah, they are. So their names I recognize, but don't remember. Like most songs. I'm going to give a little it's a little bit of a spoiler, but it's in order to give bob fox a shout out also in the the world of yesterday coca-cola disappears and one of the songs i think let it be says coca-cola in it so bob fox was and during his interview he's like how does that work like he's part of that song is also a brand that disappeared

so nobody would know what he's talking about and the guys he was interviewing were like oh shit i never thought about that it's interesting it's like good job bob fox it's just a word that he invented good job bob fox you've been killing it over on my mom's basement um all right let's uh let's get into these interviews first up jb smooth jb smooth is in the building this interview is brought to you by audible uh also our second interview is jim norton who remember he was talking about a book uh where uh it was like a science fiction novel where these rich people got to take a time travel uh but the rule was they can't like touch anything in the past or it would fuck up

the future uh that that book i asked him i texted him and asked in the past or it would fuck up the future. That book, I asked him, I texted him and asked for the name of it. It's called A Sound of Thunder. So I would recommend going to Audible and going and getting A Sound of Thunder. And you can listen to it while you're traveling back from the beach, while you're on the beach, when you're traveling home from 4th of July week. You can just listen to A Sound of Thunder if you're into that nerd type of butterfly effect, science fiction, time travel type stuff like I am. Audible has every single title imaginable. They also have their own original audio content,

a lot like storyboards almost in a way. We're talking like documentary type of audio products. And right now you can get a membership that includes one free audio book per month, exclusive sales, and 30% off all regular audio books when you go to audible.com slash KFC radio. And you can do right now, like I said, you get 66% off your first three months for a total of $30 off. So that's three months for the price of one. You pay just $4.95 per month for the first three months.

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Audible.com slash KFC Radio. Alright. KFC Radio featuring, once again, J.B. Smoove. In the building. What's going on? In the motherfucking building. In the motherfucking building. And looking fresh, feeling fresh. You got the white hat, the white jacket, the lollygagging tour shirt, the shades,

the chain. Holy shit, J.B. I'm about to come prepared. If I came in here any other way, you guys would have said, what happened, J.B.? Are you okay? That's a compassionate hug. Mm-hmm. Like, what happened? What happened? You hit hard times. Like, you out of work. What's going on? Two days ago, I read Like what happened What happened You hit hard times Like you out of work

What's going on What happened between Wednesday and now No man you are doing You are doing even better than I mean I didn't think it was possible For J.B. Smooth to be doing any better But now you're getting that

Marvel money dude Holy shit This is all I call this a first down man Cause you know that's what life is. A series of first downs, brother. And being a part of this Marvel Universe, man, it was absolutely phenomenal with the

red carpet. It was also, I mean, of course it was phenomenal shooting the movie. Some of the stuff was in front of the green screen. Get a chance to work with Tom Holland and all these amazing, amazing, amazing actors. And to take Jenna Hall's in the movie, Samuel L. Jackson's in this movie. We shot in Venice, Prague, and actors. And to take Jenna Hall's in the movie, Samuel L. Jackson's in this movie. This was, we shot in Venice, Prague.

Oh, wow. And London. Man, I was in London for three months, man, living in my own little flat. Come on, man. You live in a little flat. We say a little flat. That's what they call a flat.

I live in a little flat over in St. Albans, just outside of the Warner Brothers studio. And man, it was absolutely the most fabulous time that we've had, man, shooting something like this. I'm a big Marvel fan, too. Can you give me a fun fact about Prague? Oh, man. A fun fact about Prague, it's walkable.

I like going places that are walkable. You can get dropped off in one little area and just put your hands in your pocket, put your little jacket back, and just put your hands in your pocket, put your little jacket back and just stroll. Stroll around Prague. Everyone, I went to Prague when I was younger

and everyone I've ever met who's been there, the only thing they ever take home is the fact that it was the only town in Europe, or the only major city

in Europe not affected by World War II. Isn't that crazy? That's the only, when I ask for a fact, that's all anyone ever says. That's the main thing they say all for a fact, that's all anyone ever says. That's what people talk, that's the main thing

they say all the time because it's just beautiful. Yeah. Nothing, all the bridges are intact. Everything's intact. I guess how it's always been. Yeah.

It's beautiful, man. I love, love Prague, man. I also love Venice too. I was going to say Venice is wonderful. Venice is, Venice is popping, man. Come on.

But you know what? I love Venice the most because my real first name and real middle name is Jerry Angelo. So every time I would pull my passport out, no matter what, they would say, oh, Jerry. Jerry Angelo. Good back. I said, that's right. Vittoriano.

Vittoriano. Who knew J.B. Spoole was Italian? Vittoriano. Vittoriano. I kind of interrupted you when you said you loved the Marvel Universe anyway. Yeah, yeah. What's been your favorite movie? Oh, man.

A lot to choose from. If I say Black Panther, you'll say Damn You, JB. You racist. Damn You, JB, you racist ass. Of course, I thought you might say Black Panther. But you know what? I love Black Panther, but I also, I think I'm a bigger X-Men guy. Okay.

I just love the X-Men. Who's your favorite X-Men? Wolverine, brother. Yeah, it's got to be, right? Wolverine. Did you see what happened with Lexi Robb, I believe her name is, with Tony Stark's daughter, with Morgan Stark, where she recently put up a video asking followers to stop bullying her?

Oh, I didn't see that. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, man. Seven years old. I was like, look, we got to go start cracking heads. You're in the Marvel Universe now, right? You got to make a name for yourself. I'm in the Marvel Universe, man.

That's her, dude. I love you 3000, dude. Well, you know, the first thing I asked them when they called, well, I had already done an Audi commercial with Tom Holland. That's how you got this gig, right? I did that first. And then, you know, I've always said you plant seeds,

but it was amazing doing that commercial with him for Audi. That's amazing. Actually, I did that commercial. And as fun as it was working with Tom Holland, man, it was amazing meeting

the Audi people and all the Marvel people. And then they actually loaned me an R7 for five weeks, man. 600 horsepower. That's a dope car. That baby was beautiful. That's a grown man car.

There's no mistaking when you pull up in that car that a grown man can step his ass out of that car. You hear me? Nobody will respect a teen to step out of that car. A grown ass man with a hard bottom shoe with his foot on the ground. He put his foot on the ground.

You'll see his foot and so you look up like, oh, oh. And before you even, you'll look up, you'll see his knee. You'll see his belt. And you'll keep going.

You're hoping you'll see a cigar and a pocket square and a top hat on and a cool hat on his head. I was going to say, the outfits you wear. Oh, man. You've got to be in this.

This car did everything. The car put the hat on for you. It just puts the hat on, and a cool hat on his head. I was going to say, the outfits you wear. Oh, man. You've got to be in this. This car did everything. The car put the hat on for you. It just puts the hat on for you. The car calls you a hat. You drive off the lot with the car and the hat. That car is beautiful. So wait, you do this Audi commercial, right? The Audi commercial, yeah.

And the whole time, are you like, yo, Tom, if you need any extra rolls, or they just called you up afterwards? No, I just got my little first down I got my little first down, man. I kept moving, you know? I'll tell you what. Got my five weeks, got my check, but that's planting a little seed.

Yeah. When they called me, that's the first thing they mentioned. Oh, wow, we know you did the commercial with Tom and we love how you guys work together and we love, you know,

we need somebody like you in the movie. I understand the first down reference, but you get into Spider-Man. That's a touchdown, bro. That's a big time. It is. That's an iconic franchise.

Okay, I disagree with that. Now, it's a First Down getting in the movie, a touchdown, if they were to give my ass some superpowers. All right, what superpower would J.B. Smoove want? Oh, man. I would want to be a hero called the power of persuasion. Power of persuasion. Oh, that dude is good.

He has to get the gab. Right? He has to get the gab. He knows how to talk. He knows how to talk you out of stuff, talk you into stuff. He's got to be amazing as a hero. J.B., I think you fucking had this already. You did an Audi commercial. You got in a Spider-Man role. That's what I'm saying. I think you fucking had this already. You did an Audi commercial.

You got in a Spider-Man role. I think you already do this. I just want to go there with my own powers. I want to go there with my own damn powers, see? I want to be a villain instead of a hero. Villains last longer. You know what I'm saying? What would your name be?

Cause a ruckus. What would your villain name be? Oh, man. The persuasion. Pop. Pop. Power persuasion the the the pop pop power persuasion pop Dr. Pop

hey pop hey boy get over here get over here boy I love it man I'm telling you Marvel if you're listening

this is Marvel I'm telling you right now forget about Thanos we got pop but also you know when you ask them that you think about maybe they'll let me get bit by some radioactive insect a termite Forget about Thanos. We got pop. But also, when you ask them that,

you think about maybe they'll let me get bit by some radioactive insect, a termite or a roach, something like that. You know what I mean? You want to be cockroach? Roach hole. Roach might be cool, man.

People hate roaches. They hate them. They hate them with a passion. A roach as a villain would be amazing. You know what I mean, man? Pop the roach. Yeah, put a roach on me.

You know what I mean? Hide in them pockets and stuff and umbrellas. You know what I mean? Hot in them pockets and stuff and umbrellas. You know what I mean? You open the umbrella. I'm like, ha, ha. Got some ass. We were just talking before you came in about all the great shit you've done. And we both realized that you were the GTA Grand Theft Auto DJ.

Come on, man. That's a great franchise to be a part of right there, too, man. Great franchise to be a part of Grand Theft Auto, man. on, man. That's a great franchise to be a part of right there too, man. Great franchise to be a part of Grand Theft Auto, man. Dr. Ray D'Angelo? Come on, man. The amount of guys,

the amount of dudes who are just playing video games, listening to your voice while they're blowing shit up. I got to appreciate, man. I get so much love from that character and from that radio station.

And every day, I must get at least one to 20 messages about GTA, man. Incredible. They give me that little hum, they give me some zen stuff, they'll just quote the station. Some guys, they just drive around, they all, so they put my station on and just let it ride while they're doing their missions and stuff. And that was amazing to be a part of, man. You know, the one thing I would say that's a blessing is

as far as building your career and you got to love what you're doing. You got to, you know, you got to take these little milestones,

these little moments, man, and enjoy them and embrace them. You know, and I loved GTA. I had to play that for hours. And to get a phone call, you know who actually

called me about it? It was DJ Poo. Isn't that crazy? Wow. You know, DJ Poo, he was involved was DJ Pooh. Isn't that crazy? Wow. You know, DJ Pooh, he was involved with it. Wow, so was he on, he was on the soundtrack too?

I don't know if he's on the soundtrack, but you know, he produces stuff and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was just one of those things

where I was like, man, oh yeah, he called me up. He said, what's up, JB? You want to be in a video game? I said, yeah. You know, you like GTA? I said, I love GTA.

You know, I'm in the damn offices recording this whole damn radio show, man. It was just fun. You know, of course, they had their own copy, but they said, make it your own. Have fun with it. Man, we just turned it up, man. We had a ball doing it, man. Me and my co-host, Cheryl, and we just had a great time, man, doing that, recording that.

If you had to pick of your three iconic franchises between Marvel, GTA, and Curb, you got to marry one, fuck one, kill one. What do you got? Oh, man. Marry, fuck, kill with Curb, GTA, and Marvel. That is impossible. Well, you know what? I would probably kill the GTA. I would kill.

I would stab the hell out of that damn GTA. Compare to them. This superhero universe. Plus, that's very fitting. You kill GTA. You blow it up with a stick of napalm or something. This whole super being. All right, so then you got to marry.

To be a super being and to be on Curb? Oh, man. Yeah. You got to marry Curb. No? What would you do? If you were JB, what would you do? I mean,

you got, I guess, I mean, if you can secure the bag with Marvel for like the future, I guess you gotta marry Marvel. But,

I mean, Curb's been like, I don't know how many seasons, 10, 11, whatever it is. Yeah, we got 10 now, but I don't know how long Larry gonna do Curb.

Larry took off, what, five years? Yeah, he took a little vacation from Marvel. A little vacation from Marvel a little vacation between eight and nine

so you marry a Marvel and you fuck Larry yeah cause it fits fuck you Larry I say fuck you Larry all the time I say fuck you Larry

all the time so fuck you Larry gotta go man I love it you talked about like working with Tom Holland do you think it's weird

that how like how good he is at American accent do you think it's weird how good he is at American accent? Do you think it's weird how... Let me tell you something, man. It's surprising with British actors when you hear them speak in a British accent when they're doing promo and stuff like that. You're like, oh, shit, because they speak in American so much. There's a big difference between... They can change their dialect and they can sound like us,

but when we're doing it, it's an impression of a British person. Right. You know what I mean? It's a big difference. That was... There's so many British actors

playing... I mean, most of my favorite TV shows have British actors in it. Yeah. And I'm sitting there like, wait a minute, I'm sitting there

interviewing with a dude from damn... At least three or four people from damn Walking Dead. Yeah. It's all British. I had no idea. He's like damn Walking Dead. Let's do the British. Had no idea. He's like a country guy.

It's always a trip when you hear that for the first time. I'm telling you, from Walking Dead to True Blood, all these guys, most of these guys are British.

I'm sitting there like, really? These guys are good. They can cut it off anytime they want to. Can you do a British accent? Not really. I think it's one of those things where...

I mean, you were living in a flat earlier. I'm British. I'm British. I will have the Hemingsfield. I'm British. Let's turn the words goodbye, and I'm British. You can just say British. British. British.

I'm British. I'm British. I'm British. Just stick to the American, alright, bro? I'm British I'm British I'm British I'm British As long as I'm British I'm British Just stick to the American British British British

It doesn't count if you keep saying British That's a noise I didn't know you were You're from Mount Vernon Mount Vernon Money earning Money earning Mount Vernon I'm living there right now You live in Mount Vernon right now? My mom is still in Mount Vernon My brother were from Mount Vernon. From Mount Vernon. Money earning. Money earning Mount Vernon. I'm living there right now, actually.

You live in Mount Vernon right now? My mom is still in Mount Vernon. My brother's in Mount Vernon. Yeah, man. You went out west, I'm assuming, once you popped? Yeah, you know what? But I'm a balancer here and there. I got a spot in Brooklyn where I get a chance to.

I love Brooklyn Heights. So I love living out there. So what I do is I go back and forth. When I come in New York, for years I was just going to hotels all the time. Or I was just like, why do I keep spending money on these damn hotels? Yeah, I'm fucking rich. I'm just kidding. I bought a spot.

I have it for five, six years now, but I love it. I ran on the water, so it's beautiful, man. How do you like Long Island? Oh, I like Long Island. Yeah, I know Janie Davenport's got a haunted spot for you, I think. Yeah, I love it. You talking to Janie Davenport? We were toldie Davenport's got a $100 spot for you. Yeah, I love you. You talking to Janie Davenport? We were told Janie Davenport has a $100 spot for you.

Is that a $100 spot? Mike Epps told us to pass that along. Damn, man, I love that spot, man. She just has all the good spots, man. A little quick $100, man, put that in your pocket and get some food to go. Over at Nagasaki somewhere, I don't know. One of those little spots over there. Long Island.

You're on stage on Caroline's coming up? Yeah, man. We got five shows left, man. We had one last night, man. It's hard. It's hard to get people out on Thursday night,

but it was sold out last night, bro. It was sold out. Everybody found a babysitter. Kids at my grandma's house. It was packed last night, man. I mean, it's to the point now. I think every show is going to be sold out or six is going to be sold It was packed last night, man. I mean, it's to the point now.

I think every show is going to be sold out or six is going to be sold out. Nice. Yeah, man. And then I heard they just started selling lap seats.

So if anybody doesn't mind sitting on somebody's lap, they're also selling those seats, man. I'm about to double it up this weekend. I didn't know. I felt like that was going to show up this term.

I was just like, yeah, lap seats. I was like, yeah, I know what a lap seat is. I heard that. I'm doing that was going to show up in his turn. I was just like, yeah, lap seats. I was like, yeah, I know what a lap seat is. I'll get it. I heard it. I'm doing that whole tour, lap seat tour. I'm on the smallest venues I can find, and everybody got to bring their lady or girlfriend

and I'm sitting on their lap. Yeah, J.B. Spoo. Are you still doing four courses? Is that still a thing? No, man. No, I did four seasons and four courses. I was hoping you did that just to get some inside scoop on maybe what the Knicks are going to be doing here because it's not looking promising for our Knicks, man.

I even talked to my man, Stephen A. Smith, man. I went down to the celebrity game in Charlotte, and I told him, we have this back-and-forth thing going on about the Knicks. I told him, man, I love my team, man, but we just got the weirdest luck and the strangest things happen. It's not luck. It's James Dolan. I don't know.

He's the worst. So much happens, you know, between the injuries. But, yeah, it is bad luck. It's a lot of things. The lottery, the injuries, the trains. We can say that across the board for New York sports, man. We just go into this weird thing, and this is a huge market. We really have to do a better job of bringing in right players.

But make it timely. We end up getting players that on their down slope hate wasting money. Everybody we bring in town, we get them on the down slope, man. They either hurt before they come. They got to get better. But those injuries never – they come nagging injuries as opposed to injuries that they got over. Well, you got away from it now, though. They said they're going to get Boogie Cousins.

Oh, God. Did he come up with an injury? If I'm not mistaken, he came up with an injury. Yeah. Oh, no. I was being sarcastic. Very sarcastic. He's a great player.

He's a great player, yeah. But you need two outstanding players. Maybe more. You might need three in this league at this point, man. We got the good rookie coming in. We got RJ coming in. Yeah. But we need franchise players to come into this city.

This city, and I can't see why. I know some people get turned off by owners. Some people get turned off by players. The Lakers couldn't get anybody before Kobe left. They didn't start getting players until now they got AD. They started getting players now that LeBron's there and he's building a team. Now watch because AD is there and LeBron is there. They're going to get one more good player.

Watch. They're going to have their big three and they're going to compete. They're in the makes for Kawhi now. Oh, if they get Kawhi, it's a wrap. It's an absolute wrap. It's a wrap. I promise you. Ain't nobody going to beat them.

You know what? I think the Knicks should bring you in to reprise your role as GTA, and you could do the PA throughout the arena. You know what I mean? Announce the starting lineups and talk that shit during the game. They need to bring me in the game and put me in the game in spurts.

I'm talking about like 10 second spurts. Defensive specialist over here? Yeah, call it a little trouble. You know what I mean? That's how you got to do it. You need some, you need role players.

I'm a role player. I'll get in there and talk smack. I'll throw your foul side off, everything. I love it. You know what I mean? You need people like, you need real role players like the Knicks used to have back in the days, man.

Those grimy dudes, man. They need the grimy dudes. They need the grimy dudes back, man. X-Man, you know. The Pop Roach. We need the Pop Roach in the building. I'll be at Mace, rest in peace. Yeah.

They need those players, man. Role players will come up in here and you leave here scoring 88 points. You know what I mean? Yeah. You don't get over 100 points on those nicks, man. Well, you appreciate you coming through, man.

You guys are dope, man. Go see this little indie film called Spider-Man. Go see a little indie film. You know, I met, oh, man, I met Jake Gyllenhaal for the first time

and I told Jake Gyllenhaal if my name wasn't J.B. Smoove, it would be Jake Gyllenhaal. That's a good name. That's a great name. I told him I'm going to change it to one would be Jake Gyllenhaal. That's a good name. That's a great name. I told him I'm going to change it to one word. Jake Gyllenhaal. Like Madonna.

Like one word. Prince, Madonna, Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, you know that's dope, man. Come on, man. I told him I'm going to squeeze him together, man. Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal, man. Jake Gyllenhaal.

Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal. We appreciate it. That should have been on Street Fighter. Jake Gyllenhaal. You know I've been perfect. All right. Big thanks to JB Smoove. Now let's get into it with my guy, Jim Norton, who he's a legend of the game. And he really brought the heat this time.

He was he really we talked about UFOs. We talked about comedy. We talked about the state of the Internet and the changing landscape. Just very interesting stuff from my guy, Jim. So go listen to him right now. It's interesting stuff from my guy, Jim. So go listen to him right now. It's brought to you by HelloFresh. Now, every now and then, I can't get every single thing delivered. I can't constantly pay for all my meals. I can't do the delivery charges. I can't do the unhealthy food. So every now and then, I got to get my cook on. And when

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and then it's like, all right, I have three work events this week, so I'm just going to have boxes know you're not going to be able to cook because sometimes that's the worst part if you sign up and then it's like all right i have three work events this week so i'm just gonna have boxes of ingredients that are gonna go bad so i'm just not gonna do it at all right well no hello fresh we had two work events this week we didn't get fed a fucking either none that's insane we didn't even have an open tab for the for last night it's like a home like 9 p.m i had to pay my own way it was nuts i had that's why i had three bowls of cereal when i got home last night crazy Crazy town. I got a little fresh. If I had HelloFresh, I would have whipped up myself some tacos maybe.

They have a whole menu to choose from. And this is what I use every time I get on my cooking kick. I go to HelloFresh. So right now, go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC80. And you say, why? That's a weird number. Well, it's because you get $80 off. Jeez.

$80 back in your pocket. I couldn't process that. I thought there's no way. There's no way this could be $80 off. It's KFC 80. So hellofresh.com slash KFC 80 for $80 off. It's KFC Radio once again featuring Jim Norton back in the flesh. First time in the new office

and new studios. It's amazing. Pretty nice, right? Yeah, this is great. I didn't realize it until I was in the elevator that I was in a different place. But you guys had talked about moving last time, and this is such an improvement. You've seen, I mean, Jim did Mail Time years ago when we just rented studio space, and then he saw the last office, and now you've seen this.

You've seen the growth, man. Yeah, it's nice, too. It's always weird. The self-esteem is always so weird. Whenever I move up to something better, I'm always more comfortable in this shitty environment. Because there's no pressure in the shitty environment. Now you guys got to perform. So let me ask you this.

A few of our fans and a couple guys here were like, oh, this kills the vibe. We sold out. And at one point we actually, we tried to film intentionally with a shitty background for one of our shows, which I thought was like the phoniest thing in the world. Now we're faking that we're in a shitty place when we're not. I don't know, as like a comedian or a host or whatever,

do you think any of that matters? No. And the beautiful thing about my career is as high as I've ever gone, people know he'll crash soon. So there's never pressure. But no, don't ever be afraid to succeed or look like you succeeded. There's a difference between all of a sudden they're walking in

wearing fucking tuxedos and cummerbunds. If you guys are just going, hey, we're in a nicer place than we were, that's great. That's not going to change who you are. We still have the people to keep us level here. Because again, in the elevator this morning. I had this guy be so incredibly condescending to me. It was like this old businessman here.

He was like – it was like – I feel like anybody when you talk about internet stuff just doesn't understand that it can make money or anything like that. Where he was giving me like a pep talk like, oh, you're the new Barstool guy, huh? Keep at it. I'm sure that will make some money soon. I was like, all right. All right, man. Don't worry about us. Hey, don't you think of Artie Lang, who I love.

But when they went from K-Rock to Sirius, a billion-dollar facility, I mean, Artie didn't exactly get all bougie. So it does not necessarily make you who you're not. Artie is a good benchmark for that. Yeah, for sure. I did stand-up for the first time on Friday. Oh, wow. Where? Gotham.

I opened up for Josh Wolfe. Awesome. And I did five minutes up on stage there. And I've always felt this way, but now having done it, I just have an even higher level of respect for guys who have been doing it for as long as you've been. How many years have you been doing stand-up now? April of 1990 was my first time, so 29 years.

I started when I was 20. I'm 50 now, so I started when I was 21. Crazy. Yeah, my whole adult life. So how many, like, just ballpark, I guess, like how many times have you been on stage? Thousands, right? I wonder that sometimes when I'm walking,

because as you get older, man, you change. I used to do one set a night, a couple on the weekends. But back in the old days, like in the mid-90s to probably 2010 or 2005, I was doing sometimes four sets a night, five sets a night. I was obsessed just going. I can't even think of how many thousands of times. I'll think of that when I'm pissing in the Comedy Cellar. How many times have I pissed here?

How many times? Because you walk to the stage, but I can't. Let's just say, what is it, 365 days a year? Let's just say I do 300 sets. I've probably done 7,000 sets at the Comedy Cellar, 6,000 – I don't even know. I can't even guess. I should sit down, though, and bore some girl with it. I'll be trying to get some girl to suck my dick.

I'm like, guess how many sets I've done at the Comedy Cellar. She's like, oh, intriguing. We'll do Answer the internet shortly, but one of the questions, when you die, if there was a stat available to you, if you could ask God or whoever's up there one stat about your life, would it be how many sets you've had

or how many jokes you've told or is there a number you would want to know about yourself? Yes, how many girls would have fucked me if i didn't blink so much that's the question i want the answer you think there's been girls who are just like i'd fuck him but that blinking oh my god yes yes i see myself blinking i don't even want to jack off it's awful you know i don't that's an interesting question how many uh how many uh how many what number would i you know i don't that's an interesting question how many uh how many uh how many what number would i have uh i don't know how many here's the thing how many decisions that i was disappointed in would have gotten me killed had i gone the other way like that's the

thing we never see like you always see like i wound up in this relationship and it didn't go well but it's like yeah you don't know but if that pretty girl would have liked you you might have been driving to her house one night and been paralyzed by a bus. You never get to see that. So that's what I'd like to see. How many decisions that disappointed me would have killed me in the other direction? That's some deep shit.

That's a very deep one. That's some like, you know, the path not chosen sort of shit. Yeah. Like you might have got hit by a car or struck by lightning or like the butterfly effect. You just never know. Right, right, right. Yeah. What a great idea.

Whoever came up with that is a genius. Well, there's a book I want to read too about somebody who there's rich people that take a ship back to the past and they can see the earth at any point but you can't touch anything and then one of them accidentally gets off and steps

on an insect or he steps on a butterfly and it affects things and it changes. I forget the name of it. This is spoken like a true dope. I want to read. Yeah, yeah. I forget the name of it. This is spoken like a true dope. I want to read a book. I don't know the name of it. I can hardly describe it.

That sounds good though. I want to read that book. Yeah, man steps on a bug and changes everything. Fucking boo. I mean, that is like you get upset you don't win the lottery.

It's like, well, you would have become a heroine. I guess not a heroine because that's... No, but yeah, you would have partied too hard and then like that's it's like a twilight zone episode it's like you think i bet that shit happens yeah way more often than you think like that the what what's what you're disappointed in or whatever it could have been a lot worse yeah even like just like getting like oh you're mad you didn't get into this college like guess what that like there you would have met someone who did it it's it's a little fucked up to think about, where I'm like, ooh, there are so many things.

It kind of puts your brain in, like, oh, I just got to shut off. I can't think about that. Well, for every plane crash you look at, whether it's, you know, 9-11 or something else, somebody got onto that flight late. Like, you know, somebody probably missed that flight, and somebody probably tried to change the flight. It was like, oh, fuck, I'm going to miss it. Oh, I got it. All right, I was able to change. And all of a sudden, they change onto a, you know, so that's an extreme one.

But there's always something. I'm from outside Boston. And obviously, 9-11, they took off from Logan. And I don't know if it's like, it was, I was in middle school when it happened. And our woodworking teacher, his daughter was supposed to be a flight attendant and got sick. I don't know if that's one of those things. I mean, he said it pretty early.

I feel like as things happen and you get further away, people kind of start. I think Brian Scalabrini said that about playing in the NBA finals where he's like, are you kidding me? He's like, by the time I have grandkids, I'm going to tell them I took Ray's shot. But I think he said it within days. I think it's a little weird to be making up stories then. Well, what's his name was booked on? I'm not taking it on 9-11 and rampant.

The one of the guys who was booked was Seth. Oh, my God. Seth MacFarlane was booked on the first plane. He had a ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's told the story before. And I think he missed his flight or whatever. But he had a ticket for that flight.

Yeah, that first one. So Josh came in here on Friday, Josh Wolfe, before I did his set. And he was telling me a story. He was supposed to fly to New York on an earlier flight that week, and he had like a bad feeling about it. And then as he was like in the cab to get there, there was like another bad omen of sorts. And then his wife randomly called him as well and said like, how are you doing? I just like wanted to check in. I just like feel like funny about today or whatever. What? it was it all added up what a thing to say and he what

it wasn't that weird you have the power over well he didn't take the flight he just pulled out he was like oh really on the plane it was it was enough that no and then actually the next morning everything was fine and he said his wife was like are you are you mad are you disappointed nothing happened like but it was enough for him to just say, you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to change my flight to a later one. Hey, did you guys see? I've been reading up all day about trying to debunk Bob Lazar.

Did you see that? Rogan had him. I love Joe, so I wanted to watch the documentary on Netflix about Bob Lazar. Do you know who he is? I don't know. Oh, he's a UFO guy. Oh, I did see the UFO. And I wanted to believe him so bad.

I'm just having a hard time believing it. So I'm reading. A lot of times if you read the negative stuff, it'll tell you. You can judge, well, do I believe the negative stuff or not? Right. It's kind of hard to believe him now. He's just saying that they exist. No, he's saying he worked in Area 51, reverse engineering craft, but he can't prove his diplomas. There's a lot of kind of red flags that I wish weren't there.

I just watched an Ancient Aliens with a guy who was basically saying the same thing. Do you have glasses? Yeah. That might have been him, yeah. Right, right. He was brought on to try to build a craft using the metals and shit that supposedly— Reverse engineering, sure. And so you don't buy it, though?

No, not at all. And I want to so bad. Is it one of those things where as soon as you start to read some of the, like... That's the problem. Don't ever read the... Don't ever read things that are disproving. Yeah. Like, Keith just did it with the Malaysian flight, where it's just, like, it's very clear.

The guy killed everybody. They didn't disappear. They didn't do anything. The pilot killed everybody. Oh, the first one that disappeared. Yeah. He didn't know. He didn't take it down.

He, I guess he went up. He was extraordinarily first one that disappeared. Yeah, yeah. He didn't take it down. I guess he went up. He was extraordinarily depressed. The pilot was. Oh, the politics or something. It was Malaysia. Malaysia is kind of one of those countries that they don't like negative things getting out. So they just kind of like,

they covered it all up with just, like he was exceptionally depressed. He had his, he had told people, co-workers, told friends that he just spends all night just wandering around his apartment just roaming just thinking of like sad stuff his wife

had just left him like six months before or something like that he had like had like his internet search history was all about depression and things like that and what like basically like what even like the science proves is like he took it up to 40,000 feet, which I guess destabilizes, and he killed all the passengers. Then you go... It's a painless way to go.

Did he shut off the... Did he get rid of the transponders or something so they couldn't be tracked? Was it like the cabin pressure or something? He depressurized it or whatever, destabilized it. And then once everyone else was dead, he kept his mask on.

So he survived. And then he landed it somewhere. Is that like- No, he just crashed into the water. Okay, got it. So it still just crashed. I wonder if he just flew a pattern straight up that he knew.

You're hoping he didn't wake up on the way down. Right. But you wonder if he crashed it or if he just flew it until it ran out of gas. And took his own mask off and then just passed out. And they all went to sleep.

Like Payne Stewart, the golfer. Who had that thing where they were tracking his plane and they could see it was like frosted on the inside. But I guess they had cabin pressure and it had been fucked up. Was his name Payne Stewart? I think that was, right? Man, that's some fucked up shit

to take out a whole plane with people like that. Kill yourself, fine, whatever, but don't take down 250 people with you, man. That's some sick shit. I like how we got 9-11 and the police. Absolutely. Can't believe people aren't gobbling up my stand-up tickets. Joyous topics like this.

But what was so hard to believe about the UFOs and Bob Lazar? The fact that he can't – there's always a hole in a story. No one expects the guy to have photos or – I don't expect you to walk out of Area 51 with a UFO door. But he can't prove his – he said he went to Caltech, MIT. He can't prove either diploma. And then when you read like scientists debunking some of the physics stuff he said, they're like, this just doesn't make sense. You're like, ah, fuck.

I want it to be true. That's why I like fucking with aliens, because guess what? Physics wouldn't make sense. Yeah, aliens don't need physics. That's what he was hoping for. It's like being in Vegas. If you're in a hotel in Vegas, and a girl in a miniskirt with giant tits comes up and touches your neck, you're like, ah, God, I want to believe this.

But I know. There's a catch. But you know what? Sometimes it's just believe, man. Just let it be. Maybe. You know, like that show, you listen to Joe, and they talk about UFOs.

It's like, yeah, cool, man. I believe. Yeah, you're an idiot. Sure. You're ignorant. But those guys enjoy that the same way you're going to believe that hooker wants to fuck you for real. I'm going to watch.

I haven't seen the podcast, Rogan's uh i wanted to see the documentary first on netflix watch it make people make their own determination they may think i'm stupid but i'll watch joe's podcast after i wanted to see the doc mickey rourke narrates it great actor but come on i mean a little hard to understand yeah that's not exactly my choice yeah for narration whenever you're thinking of science and physics you're not like god damn it i wish mickey rourke was here to say this. Yeah, wow. Yeah, go get like

Neil deGrasse Tyson or some shit. Go get somebody who knows the field. Wow. Well, he's a big anti, not anti-UFO guy, but he's a big,

you know, bring me a fucking body. What do you believe? I think there's obviously something somewhere. I just don't know if they've come here. You don't believe

in like crash landing? No, I don't think Roswell. I think Area 51 is a thing, a place where they do probably top secret shit. I don't know if I believe that there's an alien body frozen in formaldehyde in there. But I do think there's probably some crazy stuff going on there. Maybe, yeah. I also think that whatever, we all know the joke. It's like in movies, in pop culture, Area 51, that ain't where it really is going down.

Maybe Area 52. Whatever we don't know about is where they're really doing their crazy shit. There was an Air Force base I heard a lot of stuff went to. I don't remember what. Air Force base or somewhere. There's got to be some sort of under-the-radar shit that they really have. Did you see the tweet from the National Weather Service the other day? No.

It was in Kansas City. The tweet was so funny just because it was so hilariously worded by, like, a government agency where it just said, honestly, we have no explanation for the things floating over Kansas City right now. Now, it turned out to be Project Loon, which is a Google thing where they're just like... It's more like Weather Balloon type shit, right? Yeah. Yeah.

But, like, first of all, I can't believe that Google didn't have to, like, clear that with the government. Right. But just the way they kind of threw their hands up, like, look, we don't even know what to tell you on this one. Imagine that's how you find out about aliens. Just like a tweet from the National Weather Service. Like, honestly, we don't fucking know. Yeah, the president comes out.

Look, it beats the fuck out of me, folks. I don't know. Maybe Google cleared it with the government but not the weather channel. Maybe they didn't have access to that information. I feel like that person in charge of the Twitter for them was like, I gotta check it. Before I send this tweet

that people are going to really latch onto and say they're confirming aliens, I should probably just check if Project Loon's doing something in the city. I want to believe in all that shit. It sounds like you're kind of a skeptic, though. Up and down. I believe they exist somewhere, of course. 13 billion years old, the of course but uh i just i don't know if they've been because there's nothing that would attract them to us you know

i mean there's nothing that would even tell them we're here with this little load of shit planet in the middle of fucking nowhere no one cares about us we're in the suburbs yeah but you don't know you don't know man yeah you're right they might there might be something about the planet that's appealing you ever see contact with jodie Foster? I mean, that maybe makes sense. Like, you know, Carl Sagan wrote that. Like, that I can kind of go with. I've seen that one. Oh, so good.

Yeah, Matthew McConaughey is dreamy. But it's about how the first Contact comes from a radio frequency we sent out, which makes sense. And it gives them, like, a blueprint on how to build this machine that takes you to them. And, like, there's this cool, like, religious versus philosophical versus science, like, thing going going on it's a very good movie so good by the way did you hear me just

say the radio waves go out which makes sense like how the fuck do I know I'm a high school dropout I literally just implied that I understand radio frequency and how an alien what an asshole yeah you know what it's funny though in life if you just say it like you mean it and know it yeah like I see it I believe it

you've expressed enough that you you know at least kind of read about aliens so I was like I'm sure like you mean it and know it. Yeah, like I said. They'll believe it. Jim knows. You've expressed enough that you at least kind of read about aliens. So I was like, I'm sure. When he's not focused on aliens, he checks out radio waves. Yeah. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm talking about aliens and radio waves. That's what Jim does. I truly don't understand.

Oh, by the way, how'd you do on stage? I asked you. How'd you do? I'm sorry. I did okay. I did. I didn't have any huge moments of uproarious laughter. But I was going up there more to test myself out to see how nervous I would okay. I did. I didn't have any huge moments of uproarious laughter. But I was going up there more to test myself out to see how nervous I would be.

And I was pretty calm. Did you tape it? I did. So we have video of it. So I'm going to release that on our subscription platform. Oh, good. I'm very excited to see it because I discussed this with Kevin a little bit this morning. Kevin keeps describing a bomb without using the word bomb.

I didn't bomb. I didn't bomb. There was not a moment where it was like get this guy the fuck off stage. Although I did say I wanted to do this the late show. And Josh was like, yeah, cool, man. Let's do it. And then when it came time to, he said something like, oh, the club told me that there's actually a festival show coming

on after me, so they don't have enough time for the guest spot. And then that never happened. They were cleaning the place up. So I was like, maybe not so they don't have enough time for the guest spot and then that never happened then they were they were cleaning the place up so i was like maybe not i don't think i bombed but i mean that's good yeah to think that like because you know you're eager to go back but it's always like it's like yeah there weren't many laughs no one laughed it was not glorious like there's like there's one guy in the front row who kevin loves, there was a couple guys who reacted the way I wanted them to react, and I was like, all right, I'm going to latch on to that. Those people laughed, so I was at least somewhat on the right track.

Well, do it ten more times. Don't just give yourself once. Like, you did it just to test your balls and see it, but do it more. Like, give it a shot. Do it a few times. I feel like almost the next ones are going to go bad. Is there any, like, weight to that? Like, I had, first of all, I prepared a decent amount and I talked to Francis who helped me out and I

had the adrenaline and every, I got on stage. I said it was my first time. So I'm sure the audience kind of gave me a little bit of slack. Sure. But I feel like the second, third, fourth,

fifth, 10th time is kind of where it's like, all right, now you're just a full blown amateur out there doing regular ass open mics where it's like, that's where it really is hard yeah that's how you gotta try yeah don't don't tell them it's your first time uh unless you have a joke for it yeah but after you've done the first time you give it a few shots the worst that can happen is you

suck and you bomb and you get great audio for the radio show yeah that's all that matters even if you're terrible if you have a real death set where somebody's like get off come on you play it's part of me has that ever happened to you? Oh, it was right around. I was brand new. There's a comedian named Bob Levy who I love. He's from New Jersey, works the crowd a lot. He's very dirty and lightning fast and filthy.

And Bob fucking murders on stage. So he was one of the guys I looked up to when I started. Him, Jim Florentine, Otto, all these guys from New Jersey. And Bobby I would open for so one time he was hosting a show at rascals which is a big club in new jersey he was hosting the amateur show and i'm one of the guys he brought on and i ate a dick oh did i bomb i was probably about eight months into it and i was bombing so badly because bobby had just gone on and killed for 15 minutes and this was like in front of 200 people this was like the biggest show i'd ever done so you knew it was you too like the whole crowd was laughing it's like

yeah there was no there was no like excuse to be made it was we all knew it was my fault i bombed so bad i actually stopped and went am i too dirty? And again, it's a Maya. One guy went, get a new act! Which, again, that's like something an old man yells at you, but it fucked me up so bad at that time. I actually walked off. I'm like, I'm sorry. And I walked off stage. I was crying on the parkway. I was like,

Philip Seymour Hoffman? Fucking stupid! I was so depressed. I was like, I'm never getting on stage again. And then I talked to the club owner. And he was like, well, you got a soul search. And when he said that, I was like, yeah, just stop being such a little pussy. You get up. But I think the next day was when the Iraq War broke out, if I remember correctly.

So I had to wait a couple of days to go on. I'm almost positive all the clubs were closed that night. A little respite. Yeah. I'll come back when the war settled down. Yeah, I think so. I think respite. Yeah. I'll come back when the war settled down. Yeah, I think so. I think that's what happened. We started with

the first Iraq war, I believe, was 90 or 91 and that was, the clubs all took a day or so off. So was that, that's interesting.

Just because, you know, something bad happened and like CNN was covering it live. Like, I don't think we'd ever seen a war like that. Not the time to be cracking jokes sort of thing? Or just,

it was a weeknight and there was like nowhere to, like everyone, it wasn't like it was a Saturday, I don was like nowhere to, like everyone, it wasn't like it was a Saturday, I don't think. Yeah. Again,

I'm remembering very vaguely. I should probably remember this before I tell this story, but I think that's why I didn't go on the next night instead of a few nights later. And was it a set that you like had done before

and gotten laughs? Yeah. So what, you just, you delivered it the wrong way that time? Because part of me thinks that sometimes

it maybe is the crowd. Like I don't want to, you don't want to like pass the blame to like the audience but like if it's an act you've done before and it's gotten laughs and you've done it relatively the same it kind of is them no i don't know what comedian said this and i would love to credit them if i did never blame the audience even though it's always their fault that makes sense to me it's genius whoever said it it makes sense like yeah you have to take responsibility but i do think you know especially like on nights where you're like i did you do four clubs a night and it's like this worked at the last three it happens yeah the only difference

is here it's you guys yeah and like i i think can like one or two people set the tone for a crowd like if someone boos or heckles, are they like, I feel like people are impressionable, right? It can, or if they're talking up front, or a lot of times, you know, the crowd does stink

or they're tired or they're giving you nothing. They're drunk, sure. Or there's other times where I'm off. Like, and I know like, ah, these people deserve better than I'm giving them.

I'm trying out material. Oh, yeah. So if you're trying new jokes, I get that. Maybe you have to see how it works, but like, if it's a routine you've done before is it just like i didn't deliver that the right way or i didn't hit the inflection the right way that sort of thing yeah or they just

don't think it's funny like i never think the audience doesn't get me i didn't get it oh yeah they did yeah they get it they just rejected it they got it they put it down and went yeah i'm not explaining radio waves up here it's pretty basic yeah although radio waves would have been a funnier explanation than what I just did on stage. Yeah, that happens sometimes where they just don't like what you're doing. Have you bombed at all recently? Like at this point, you're not bombing. Oh, you can, sure.

I mean, I haven't had a set where – because the longer you do it, you learn how to dig out of it with some kind of dignity. So I've had sets in the last six months that were not great, like where I was kind of sucking where I'm working on jokes or whatever I'm doing but you learn how to take a set that's a three

and bring it up to a five and a half instead of making it a minus five like you learn how to salvage something out of it and get them going but that's the worst is like alright this is not working let me do what I know works and then that's bombing and you're like oh fuck oh no this is an ugly one i put those up though like when i bomb like if i

have a bit that bombs um i'll put it up on instagram you know yeah but i also feel like at this point you can do that sure like you have enough cloud and enough of a reputation that it's like you can laugh at it we all can laugh at it i feel like early on a bomb is like gotta be the most i mean like you said you're driving home crying because it just like murders your confidence. It's defining. It defines you. You're like, oh my god, that was terrible. Like if I bombed on TV now, it would suck.

We're at a big spot. Yeah. But just in a comedy cello or on a regular show somewhere, you learn what – you know what it is. We've all done it. We know what it is. That's interesting. Part of me did kind of want to just bomb. You will.

Keep going on. Don't worry. It's going to happen. It'll probably happen the next time I get on stage. I was talking to Tyron Woodley, who's the ex-Welterweight champ in the UFC, and he had done some stand-up. Dean Thomas, one of his trainers, does stand-up and is funny and does improv. And Tyron went on.

I think he did well. I didn't see it, but we were talking about it. I was talking about bombing. And he said something like, hey man, don't jinx me. Why are you mentioning that? But it's like, wow. You have to know that's going to happen. There's no way. If you're thinking it's not going to happen, you're going to be in for a horrible

shock when it does. Anybody doing comedy, even if you kill the first 10 times, you have to know, oh, it's coming. Yeah, there's going to be a lot of them, too. It's a part of it. I'm dying to know if he actually went up and bombed. Do you ever try to joke your way out of bombing? Or you just got to acknowledge it

and spin it? Or you're just like, let me get through these jokes and get the fuck off stage? Depends on why I'm bombing. If I'm bombing because the crowd is like, aww. People say, what's the difference between now and 15 years ago? Everyone's so sensitive. Is they grown at the setups? Like it used to be, you would do a joke and they would, if they didn't like it, they're

going, oh, like they've always done that. Yeah. But now you can mention anything. Uh, you know, boy, uh, cancer. Oh, like, could you fucking let me get there first? Really? Like, let, don't let me get beyond the setup and then see if you like where I went with it. So that's the difference is they've grown at the setup.

So if they're growing at the setup, I'll kind of get annoyed and be a dick. Then it is them. In that one it is, yeah. But if they're being polite and not heckling and I'm just dying, got to just get through it. There's not much you can do. I'll usually mention it. That's the worst too.

When you're bombing and you say something about bombing and they explode in laughter and you're like yep the ability to laugh is there this is me the only way i can draw it out of you is acknowledging my utter failure right yeah yeah sometimes you can do it by the just sometimes there's an honesty and just acknowledging what's happening do you uh like you said everyone's changing in pc and all that shit i i feel like comedy club is like the last bastion of like honesty and comedy and all that kind of shit. Do you still let everything fly on stage? Sure. I mean, you know, we all self-edit a little bit as we go.

We've always had to do that though. But it's changing because now people are trying to get you in trouble for what you say on a comedy stage. And it's so silly. And it's such an exercise in I don't like you saying this, so I'm going to try to. You know what it is? There's this whole myth that the new generation is soft.

Ah, millennials are pussies. They're all soft and they're too sensitive. They're vicious. They're vicious, just like my generation was vicious. We're all the same vicious. It just comes out for different reasons. But now there's no more, like, they don't physically bull you. Like, they won't beat you up.

But God almighty, if you say something they don't like on social media, it has attacked this person until his life is ruined. So it's like every generation is just as shitty as the last. It's no different now than it was years ago. Also, like, isn't, I mean, comedy's always been persecuted, right? Like, people always just say now, like, oh, comedy's changing or comedy's dying. Like, I mean, stand-up comedians forever have basically gotten shit. right like people like you say now like oh like comedy is changing your comedy is dying like i mean stand-up comedians forever have basically gotten shit you know it's it's easier to give

someone shit but like like i think back who's the guy and my wasp is amazing what's his name uh lenny bruce lenny bruce you can use to get arrested yeah right so like right if you talk about how like oh you can't say things anymore now like oh no you can actually say whatever the fuck you want right it was back then where you really couldn't say yeah it's one of those things like if you think of like the heyday and the glory days like it was much more difficult or much more much easier to get in trouble on stage right i could see i could see that but i feel like it's harder now to you're not gonna get in trouble per se but i feel like you're it's just a harder crowd to please because everyone's sensitive yeah you won't get legal like and like you're, it's just a harder crowd to please because everyone's sensitive. Yeah. You won't get legal.

Like, and plus what it is, it's almost like I always look at like a clock hand. Like there's always something that the culture points at that is like, whoa, like, uh, back then. I mean, it's always kind of race has always kind of been one of them, but like left for Lenny, it was the Catholic church. Right. He went after the church and they, you know, they wrecked his career and it really ruined him and it, the cursing, but it was the church that got him.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. And it wrecked his career, and it really ruined him. And the cursing, but it was the church that got him fucked. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. He was making fun of Catholicism, and people just didn't like that at all. And they called him obscene because he was cursing. Meaning like the fans? No, no, no. The police and the government. Got it, got it, got it.

So that's kind of what screwed him up. And heroin. And the fact that he was reading his own court papers on stage. That was not good. But now it's just other things now it's uh don't make fun of gender identity you know there's always and and 15 years from now it'll be something else there's always a couple of things that'll get you fucked it's just what stand-up is people like to tell you what you can make fun of that's it it's silly

and you you abide by that though no of course not say whatever you want yeah how can you i mean i feel like if you're coming up again you're in a spot where like you kind of can do that you're you're established you're kind of grandfathered in in a way like i feel like if you're coming up again you're in a spot where like you kind of can do that you're you're established you're kind of grandfathered in in a way like i feel like if someone sees your set they know to like brace themselves and it's almost like expected and for some reason okay but if a new person's saying that shit i feel like they don't even get get a second shot or a third shot yeah i mean you try to uh like uh i try to explain why i feel the way i feel like not because i want them to like me, but because I like to close the exits.

If you're doing a joke that's not anti-Trump, if I'm doing a joke about Trump, but it's not just typical Trump stuff, I like to paint something where they kind of agree with me through the first three points, so now they're kind of back into a corner. So when you hit them with it,

they've almost already signed on. That's fun to do. That's a challenge to do or to get them through. Whatever it is that you're trying to, whatever point you're trying to make, I try not to hit them over the head with it. It's almost fun to gather everybody in the room like, come on guys, we're just going here.

That's some next level shit where it's not just like laughing at my punchline. It's like, I led you here and you're trapped now. You've kind of signed on with me. So just fucking laugh. By closing the exits. Yeah, but it also gives them relief too because they understand that they've gone this far with you and you've

set it up for them in a way where they're okay with it a lot of times. You're talking about the silliness of being like I do a bit on Ted Bundy and the point of the bit, I'm not going to do a joke, is that the people are fine with a Ted Bundy documentary, but yet they're going after comedians for what they say, and nobody's going after Zac Efron. So once you do that and you illustrate it slowly and they laugh at it, well, Michael Jackson pedo jokes. I mean come on, guys.

You signed on for this with the Bundy shit. So they're going to kind of go with you wherever you want to go. I feel like we've almost done that in essence over the years with like the way we blog where, uh, you know, I, I, I make some joke and, and the same people who have laughed at, you know, me saying retarded or making a cancer joke or whatever. Now all of a sudden it's like, we, we say this all the time, mostly about cancer where it's like, Oh dude, my aunt died of cancer. Like don't make that joke. And it's like, you've been laughing at my offensive shit for 10 years yes and now it's now it strikes a chord with you

like it's home and now you're upset by it get the fuck out of here and you can't you can't abide by it because everyone has something that's legitimately upsetting yeah i mean there's a lot of things i've heard things that offended me i just so what yeah right i'm offended yeah gives a shit there is that is something i always say where I'm like, it's the access. The access to Twitter or the internet is what makes us seem like. Everyone has these complaints and those thoughts like, ah, I didn't like that. You just don't have to voice it. You can just not say anything, and within 20 seconds, you'll forget about it.

But you know what it is? You can voice it, but you also can find 1,000 other people voicing the same exact thing and then you feel like you're justified i don't think you can rally together like all those you know there's always the articles right you know people are mad well you can find two yeah you got two tweets yeah that's an article in the new york post though man all it takes is one person agreeing with you and you feel like yep i'm justified i'm not alone you know right you're wrong Oh, I'm justified. I'm not alone. You're right. You're wrong. I, I, I'm interested to get your take on what the NBA put out today saying that they changed.

They're not going to say the word owner. Owners are now governors. It's utter idiocy because nobody thinks you own the, you own the team. You're the owner of the team. It's a team. It's a product. It's a company. You're the owner of the team. Nobody thinks you own the team. You're the owner of the team. It's a team. It's a product. It's a company.

You're the owner of the team. Nobody thinks you own the player. We all know. You're the owner of the team. It's just idiocy and it's unnecessary. That's how good our country is doing, by the way. Let this be a bright, shining light that we are doing so well as a country. Our biggest problem is what do the nba bosses call themselves who

gives a fuck now let me ask you this though because i i agree with all that but i also agree with the business move of adam silver just saying yeah all right we're not we're not owners well where the players complain i hadn't heard so players so like lebron had once mentioned uh actually he mentioned it more about the nfl but he said that owners are a plantation owner mentality. And then I think – I don't know if the players have really thought it, but some blog here or there or some people online have raised it enough that it became enough chatter. So in my mind, Adam Silver – it's probably a smart move because we're going to still say owners. And if you're level-headed, we don't fucking care. I don't know. Governor's pretty awesome.

I like the word. I think it's a cool word. I just know myself and I'm not going to change. It's like the disabled list and the injured list. I was an early adapter to the IL. You say injured list? Love the IL. Yes, you're just a dickhead. To me, it's just

not really going to change anything, but it's going to make you look progressive, and you're going to keep the people who don't shut the fuck up, you're going to keep them quiet. So who cares? I am like that. I would do the same thing. Again, I agree on all the points. People own businesses.

Sports teams are businesses. That's just what it is. But I'm also like, eh, I don't give a fuck. If I was Adam Silver, I'd be like, call him whatever the fuck you want. I just don't like the idea of where does it stop, like the eh, I don't give a fuck. Dude, like, if I was Adam Silver, I'd be like, I don't know, call him whatever the fuck you want. I just don't like the idea of where it's, you know, where does it stop? Like the classic, like, slippery slope. Like, if you're going to give in on this,

are you going to give in when they start clamoring about the draft? You know, like all these guys should get to pick where they play. I don't know. It just seems it's a dangerous territory, I feel like, if you keep giving in. Yeah, and it's. Like, if all the players were like, I want to choose where I work, wouldn't be like, I don't know.

I mean, free agency is a thing. No, see, I think that that would be bad for business. Why? Because I feel like it would leave many franchises out to dry. Why? I don't think anybody would pick to play in Oklahoma City. Well, it would be like you wouldn't have a choice. I mean, if other teams weren't going to buy you,

you only have X amount of money. Yeah, but the top guys will never, ever, ever pick any of the lower, less desirable spots. I don't know. I think if they're offering you the most money, they'd go. I think money's all that matters. If you have, if Oklahoma City, if you're one of the best guys, Oklahoma City's saying, look, we'll give you $20 million.

Boston is like, we only have seven available. You're going with $20 million. Right, but if they do have money to match, you're never going to get a chance at them. It's basically like you'd have to bank on big markets not having enough money, any of the markets having enough money at the time. Yeah, I mean I think it would work. I think I'd be interested to see what happens.

I'd like to, like, I think it would be interesting to watch. I think it would be more exciting, too. People would say, oh, a draft night's exciting. Like, what if it was draft period, and it was, like, four days of... Everybody can sign wherever. Right. Well, I like, I tell you in sports what I like. I'm hoping that Tampa and Montreal share a team.

Oh, fuck. That is so great, and Montreal share a team. That is so great because Montreal deserves a team. It's 6,000 people a game. But, hey, I think they should have half a year. And Tampa, too. It's so much fun that Florida has two teams they can't support. They deserve it. It's so stupid.

It's so incredibly dumb, and I hope to fuck it up. Yeah, those governors. I don't think it can. I think it was something that was very quick-lived, even as a speculation. Yeah. Because I believe they have a youth share, Tampa with St. Petersburg. And it's already over. And the mayor of St. Pete was just like, yeah, no, they can't do that.

For eight more years. They have a youth agreement until 2027. That makes a lot more sense. Yeah. No, they're not going anywhere. Pretty quickly shot down, but fuck, it would be awesome. You're going to just sit here and rot away. That's all there is to it.

I don't think LA should ever get another fucking football team. They've done nothing but have problems with football teams. They can't support them. How does a team last and the Jets, by the way, put them in Long Island. That whole embarrassing arrangement between them and the Giets, by the way. Put them in Long Island. That whole embarrassing arrangement between them and the Giants just sucks.

What a shit owner they have. Just terrible. How can Green Bay support... Governors, yes, you're correct. How can Dallas, Green Bay, Miami, all these places that can support teams deserve teams. If you can't support a team, don't...

We were saying earlier today, I think there should only be like six cities that have sports. Just keep it to the Northeast. Florida can't handle it. The West Coast can't handle it. Midwest don't appreciate it. Just keep it to the bitter curmudgeon, fucking bitter jaded asshole fans in shitty weather. That's all we have to look for.

Texas has tornadoes. They have tornadoes. As long as there's some threat of death going on here where you live. You mentioned Montreal. That's where you got some tour dates up there. Just the 27th. I'm doing the festival up there. I love it up there.

And we're doing radio for the comedy festival. So I'll do a show up there. How's it going with Sam? It's fine, man. I like doing the show. I mean, we're doing pretty well. It's a fun gig. Did he just pop out a kid?

He did. He's got two now. Yeah. Ooh, buddy. Two kids. And it's like all of my friends are married with children it sucks being 50 it's not cute anymore i'm not like a bachelor like i'm a lonely old man see i mean grass is always greener though you know what i mean some of these guys who have they're in the thick of it would probably love to just be free like you

i am you know most uh relationships like people like they're like i don't get laid anymore you know but then again neither do i so it's not like i'm swimming in it either yeah yeah i don't know i'll probably never have kids but i mean yeah he's got two now he's got a boy and a girl and uh would you have kids nah no i don't really want them no i don't really want them and it's like i don't want to give up my lifestyle uh yeah i i feel like we are uh what is your like what's a night with with jim norton oh it's lonely yeah don't want to give up my lifestyle. Yeah. I feel like we are – What is your – what's a night with Jim Norton? Oh, it's lonely. Yeah. Very, very lonely.

Lonely or alone because those are very different things. Yes, but for me, they're the same. They're the same. I'm lonely and alone, and I'm watching Chernobyl, and I'm waiting to get Bob Lazar. I just – I'm stuck. That's fucking great. Same night as me. Yeah.

We're about to do that tonight. How old are you? I'm 34. And you are? 30. All right. Yeah, you guys have plenty of time left. Well, are you? I'm 34. And you are? 30. All right. Yeah, you guys have plenty of time left. Also, no, I got two kids and I'm divorced.

So when I'm not with the kids, I just live that style. And then I just cram my kids' time into the nights that I do have them. But like the – Oh, you have kids though? Yeah. Oh, how old? Four and two. Oh, all right.

So at least you've contributed something. I've wasted all my – No, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. Also, having a kid isn and two. Oh, all right. So at least you've contributed something. I've wasted all my savings. No, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. Also, having a kid isn't contributing. I agree. You got to make sure that kid's not a fuck-up. Absolutely.

Then I'll be like, okay, you raised a contributing member of society, therefore you've contributed. You pop these kids out and you don't do anything with them, you're actually a fucking suck on society. Yeah. I think that we are at a point, more so with marriage maybe than kids, I think that my generation or whatever you want to call it, I think are the first people that really don't feel the need to get married. Yeah, you're probably right.

It's not drilled into you. It's like you get a job, you get married, you get a house, you have kids. And now I think it's kind of like I can have kids without getting married or I might not have kids at all and everybody can have careers at this point and women, whatever. I think it's kind of like much more of a choice than it is like a necessity the first time ever. Yeah, you're lucky. Because for me it was always like – even my parents didn't even pressure me. I just would think of it like I got to get married. Do I have – you think it's part of the process.

Yeah, and that's what I ended up doing and got divorced because it was like I probably ended up doing it more out of like, all right, this is the age that you do it. You're supposed to do it. And I found someone that kind of works and it's like, well, maybe it wasn't for me. Or maybe I should have thought differently. So I think it's good that it's people who are just kind of like, maybe. It happens. It's amazing I'm protecting my lifestyle, which is a shit lifestyle. By myself, I'm nude in my apartment alone doing chip.

It really sucks. There's nothing great in my life. And I'm actually like, dude, I don't want to give this up. It's awful. I get what you're saying but I think it's more like on the night that you do want to just be naked doing chip

you fucking can't I can't that's the difference I can't I don't want to take my stuff down like I like my Sabbath stuff like you know you just like what you like I don't want to take down my posters can't get married what if you found a chick or a guy who was just like, I like Sabbath posters too. You can leave it up.

Yeah, that would help. I mean, somebody who's not going to come in and try to change you would help. That would help a lot, but everybody wants to change. Have you been close at all? Not to marriage, no. I've had long-term relationships, and eventually they adjust to who you are, but then they start resenting it. So they know they can't change it, but they don't like it. Yeah. In the beginning, they kind of put up with it, and then eventually they adjust to who you are yeah but then they start resenting it so they can't they know they can't change it but they don't like it yeah um in the beginning they kind

of put up with it and then eventually they're like it gets to be annoying they're like look we're in a relationship you're still getting escorts there's always something i i think if people if you change the the parameters of what relationship means i think you could have a very meaningful but i'm too jealous to have an open relationship. That's the problem. I'm selfish. I want an open relationship for me, but you cannot talk to anybody. You're faithful, and you love me, and I do

whatever I want. That sounds great! I take that love and I piss on it. Like, alright, perfect. Sign me up. You don't complain. I'll come home. I'll spray Pledge on my dick so it doesn't smell bad. There goes Jim's lemon dick again. I know that he's been fucking an escort.

All right, man. We appreciate you coming through. Thank you, guys. I love you guys. Go check out Jim on stage. 27th is Montreal. And what was the other? July 5th is Borgata.

You guys are a fun show, man. I really like it. Thank you. Appreciate that. All right. Now it's time to talk to a legend. One of the most influential women in her field. One of the most accomplished creators in the history of content.

One of the most viewed creators to ever live. One of the sexiest bitches alive. She's got a great ass, an incredible vagina, super talented at sucking dicks. She's very funny and well-spoken as well. Abella Danger joins KFC Radio. All right, it's KFC Radio featuring

Brazzers exclusive, Abella Danger's in the building. Yeah. What's going on? Not much, I'm good. I love New York City. Do you? Why? What the fuck is to like about it because it's just so full of culture and like history and like everyone is just so amazing people and what are you talking about amazing come on no for real i swear compared to like where i

live it's like a thousand times better how many okay let's see what time did you get here today did you get here last i got here yesterday okay last night? I got here yesterday. Okay, so like, name the amazing people you saw this morning. Actually, the guys here are really hot. Just give me one example of amazing.

No, the guys here are really hot, but, no, seriously, they're way hotter than the guys in LA. And like,

I don't know, I just love, I disagree with that. No, for real. I know, I feel like there's a lot of good looking guys in New York.

When I walk a street, and I'm like, this guy's better looking than me, that guy's a model, that guy's rich. But when we went to LA, Because I walk a street, and I'm like, this guy's better looking than me. That guy's a model. That guy's rich. But when we went to L.A., we were like, we were like, immediately like, get us the fuck out of here. Yeah.

It's awful. Everyone in L.A. is like, tan and like, skinny and shit. No, but it's all like, fake tans. Like, it's all like, fake tans and stuff. But everyone's just pale and fat here. No. And everyone just like, kind of thinks really like, highly of themselves. Like, in L.A., like, everyone's like, either like, slightly thinks really like highly of themselves like in L.A. Like everyone's like either like slightly famous or like famous.

And like they're just like, like even if you meet a waiter, they're like, oh, I'm a waiter. But yeah, I'm a part time actor or like, you know, you can't just like it's fine. You can just be a waiter. Do you consider yourself famous? No, I don't. No, at all. You got a pretty famous fucking. You're pretty famous.

No, I don't think so. If you went through, like, your video views, more people have watched, like, a Bell of Danger videos than, like, any movie. Like, more people have watched your videos than the Avengers. No. Yes. I mean, that's a decided...

That's just a fact. No, no. That's not even, like... That's not an opinion here. Do you know how many views you get? No. Exactly. It's like, I don't even fucking count.

It's probably in the billions. No, but famous is, like, you know, when you have, like, paparazzi chasing you and stuff like that. No. Exactly. It's like, I don't even fucking count. It's probably in the billions. No, but famous is like, you know, when you have like paparazzi chasing you and stuff like that. No, that's like an extreme level, but there's like plenty of levels of fame before. If you walk out on the street, do people approach you? Yeah, sometimes. So you're famous. Okay, but not like, oh, I get attacked, you know, like Justin Bieber. No, not like that, but like if people are coming up to you and they know you i'm like a little little tiny bit like like e-list celebrity like you know hey

on a list on a list man the name is well known the work is well known pretty famous in my mind so uh you're getting into the asmr world yeah i love it so much do you i feel like they're there's the the porn world and the asmr world so much. Do you? I feel like there's the porn world and the ASMR world are like two of the weirdest worlds and like they both overlap. They're both kind of like perfect for each other.

I'd imagine it's a little bit easier. ASMR? No, I feel like ASMR... What's harder, porn or ASMR? ASMR for sure. Get out of here. Yeah, because you have to like describe food

and you're like eating it in like a specific way and you have to talk like really loud. Like porn because you have to, like, describe food, and you're, like, eating it in, like, a specific way, and you have to talk, like, really loud. Like, porn, you don't really, like, think about it. You're just, like, having sex, which is, like, natural to everyone. Okay, that's a fair point. But, like, describing food, when I'm sitting at dinner, like, describing food is natural to me, too.

Yeah, I guess that's true. But are you doing it, like, in a little voice like this, and, like, tapping the microphone? Like, no, you don't do that it's so weird asmr so weird how did you how did you like get into asmr like what like what made you go like that's that's i fell in love with this girl that does asmr and i was like why is this so soothing to me like i would just watch her videos non-stop and i was like why like why am i into this and i guess so many people are i don't know it's like yes like you're like selling out shows to do this now I guess so like this is my first one doing it like I did it in a porno and like I do it sometimes for

fun you did a porno yeah but it's called a Samar but it's not out yet that would get me to click so what are you describing someone having sex or you know I'm like you know doing stuff with like the clothes I'm like making noises but That would get me to click. So are you describing someone having sex? Or are you doing it while you're having sex? No, I'm like, you know, doing stuff with like the clothes. I'm like making noises, but like with sex related things. So like there's a microphone like near my butt when I'm like putting in and pulling out a butt plug. And like, so not food. Not going to lie.

Let me know when that drops. So people are going to come watch live. Yeah. That shows tonight, right? Yes, it's tonight. How much was the ticket? I actually don't know.

I think it's just for Brazzers members. No, it's open to everyone. You can just buy a ticket. They have a website where you purchase it. And you're not doing food tonight, right? Food's erotica. No, we're doing sex toys and stuff. Oh, shit.

So this is like a live sex show and you're going to talk while you're doing it. Yeah, I mean, where I'm not fucking myself. I'm playing with the dildos and I'm reading a script of a scene that I've done before. But in more of a narrative way. Honestly, I kind of don't know like I'm reading like a script of a scene that I've done before but like in more of like a narrative way and just scary you know honestly like I kind of don't know what I'm doing I know it's ASMR related I'm just gonna talk and shit and get paid whatever if you're do you have did you choose the scene or is it just um no I didn't choose the scene but it's a scene that I've done so I'm like very familiar with it like it's like I was I was like going through your

twitter and you were you were talking about one of the scenes, I think maybe not out yet either, but you get to play the doctor finally. Yeah, I know. I was so excited. You made it, girl. 2019, feminism, the whole nine. You get to be a fucking doctor now. What's the role you want to do the most besides the doctor?

If you had to choose like any role to be – first of all, would you choose it as like a parody porn? Because we're like interview guys. We've talked about it extensively. Give me like the real interview in the beginning. I don't need to know. We don't need any parodies. I don't need any professions or any plots. Do you prefer the parody or the interview and which parody would you do?

I would definitely do a parody of Wonder Woman. We just had Lisa Ann in here. That's what she said, too. Oh, my God. I think we told Lisa Ann that one. We let her in that one. Well, when I had brown hair, people would always compare me to Gal. So I was like, that would be cool.

I would definitely go back to brown for that. Yo, by the way, getting compared to Gal Gadot. Yeah, right. She's so hot. She's a fucking good one. She's so hot. And then i would also want to be like a lawyer like i'm really into like law and order so like like the show or

law and order like the original like chris noth like not the svu like the og og one yeah i don't like svu i don't why is it too little too? It's just like, yeah, like I like the original one the best because it doesn't have like all the extra like theatrics that like SVU has. Like it's just. Dun dun. I have a question too. I was reading a different interview with you on Beauty Magazine or something like that. Oh, Office Beauty.

Office Beauty. Yeah, it's a New York magazine actually. It was an interesting interview, but one that popped out to me was how you got into porn, which was you had a boyfriend. Yeah, did porn. Yeah. Convince you to do a scene. Yeah. And then you liked it so much.

You quit and just started. You broke up with him. Yeah. Because is that an all time backfire from that guy? Yeah, man. And I see him actually all the time. Like he shoots in Miami and like I'll see him and he'll be like, oh, but like I never. Wait, no, man. And I see him actually all the time. Like he shoots in Miami and like, I'll see him and he'll be like, but like, I never, wait, no, no.

He's not like the bad guy here. You totally fucked him. No. Okay. Well, first of all, let me get into the specifics. Yeah. Let me get into the specifics. Yeah.

Well, yeah, but like, I was dating him because guys were always like really jealous of me and I was like, there's no way this guy could be jealous of me. Like I let him fuck chicks all the time. I never cared. Fair logical. And then he was like, you should shoot a scene with me. And I was like, why? No.

Ew. I do not want to do that. And then after months and months of him trying to get me to do it, I was like, fine. And at this point, you just had a regular job? What were you doing at this point? Yeah, I just had a regular job. I worked at a phone store. I would go with him to set sometimes, so it was kind of like normalized to me at this point

like everyone was pretty chill and I did my first scene with him and then I was like this is fucking amazing I want to do this with everyone I want to do anal I want to do all the crazy stuff and he was like

no I want you to only do it with me and I was like what? like that is so not that's brutal that's not fair like I let you do it with everyone and he was like

no you're going to only do it with me and I was like well peace out I mean that does all make sense I picture like a guy that's like you introduce someone and then they become like best friends and cut you out that's fucked up

he shouldn't have introduced me to you apparently not I think about like guys think about like oh I'd love to have a threesome with my girlfriend and the girl and like you have a threesome and your girl's like actually I'm love to have a threesome with my girlfriend and the girl and like you and your you have a threesome and your girl's like actually I'm a lesbian. I'm into chicks. Yeah. Like that's what happens.

Or if they want to do a threesome with another girl but not with another dude. Right. It's like come on it's not fair. It's great for the guy but it's not fair. I mean I get what you're saying but it also is like it sucks for that dude. Oh yeah it totally sucks sucks he could have kept me

out to himself but he showed me this wonderful world opened up pandora's box for real literally when that happened you just like not soon i don't know i don't know when that happened but like within probably a decade you'd be working with kanye west and have kanye west designing that happened in 2014 so and. He just made the shirt. He got some Jamaican artist. That's almost even more flattering though. So he

kind of directed the ABNs that year or whatever, right? The Pornhub Awards. And then made this t-shirt and just picked you out of nowhere. You weren't cool with him. I worked with him before that. He had me shoot for his yeezy season six campaign where he like had all these girls like including paris hilton dressed like him with like weights and everything so i did that and then i did his yeezy season six zine which is like a coffee table book of like

really artsy pictures so i was also in that and then he did the collab with porn hub and then he did the t-shirts is he we're like we have a question about is he a weirdo no he's so nice every i swear every time i've met him he's been like so so so nice i can't speak for like you know how he is in the world right at least to me he's always been really nice is that like the most famous person or like most not, but interesting person you've worked with because of porn? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, for sure. Who else is up there on that list?

Anybody that's like – No, because I thought you were going to ask me something else and like what famous person I met like in general. And I was like, no. And then – Who's the most famous person you met in general? Don't know that one. Yeah. I wasn't going to ask that, but now I am.

I don't want to say but now I am I don't wanna say okay I can understand I think I know what met means but okay we got questions from you tweet you put this up on Instagram

and asked for some questions so these are mostly your fans our fans combining so some of them are fucking

yeah so do you so do you you have more if we're being honest no there's probably a decent overlap to be honest no you guys are definitely more like mainstream i have like all the porn's gone pretty mainstream as it gets i don't think so why don't you don't think at least recently like it went from like taboo to like yeah i guess so but people more likely want to admit that they're a fan of barstool sports and they are a fan of porn like you know okay that's more of like in the

closet kind of thing but i i don't know i don't know we're getting we're getting pretty we just had hbo just ran like a special on us last night that was like oh my god you would have thought we're like terrorists the way they talked about oh really oh fuck them then all right let's go through some of these questions these are at least some of the somewhat reasonable ones i'm sure you got a lot of weird ones in advance yeah yeah like like there's one that is um can you try to describe a black cock can you try to describe what a black cock feels like for us uh guys who shoot straight it's like yeah i don't know that's a weird question, dude. Describe taking Mandingo cowgirl anal versus reverse cowgirl anal.

Oh my god. It's a huge difference. Let's not get into that. I can imagine that. You're at a Halloween party. What is your go-to costume? I'm going to tell you what I'm going to be for Halloween this year. You already know?

Yes, I already know. I feel like girls know on November 1st. No, but – They plan a year in advance. Because I just saw the movie Rocketman, so I was like, I have to wear like a blinged-out Dodgers baseball outfit just like his. There you go. That's a good one. That is a good one.

Yeah, I fell in love with it. I was like, this is my Halloween costume. I was just talking about this recently on my last podcast about how everybody is – what has gone mainstream is eating ass. So this guy, Derek wants to know, is putting your tongue in an ass really the thing to do? Yeah, it feels really good. I can honestly say it's not something that like you – like I won't make every guy do it.

Like it's not like, oh, you have to. But like if you're into it, I'm super into it. Like if you're not into it, it's not the end end of the world i feel like you it kind of you just like have to be into it it's pretty standard choice i definitely like getting my vagina eaten more but it's fine it's it's definitely fun too but i will hate it i will hate a guy if he's not into it you know you can't you can't win them all over it was it was like the progression of that has actually been like one of my favorite things to follow. Where it's been like over five years.

It's just keep growing. It's getting more and more popular. It's crazy. Ideal dick. Okay. I guess it would have to be like, you know, just pretty. Do you want a pretty dick? Get out of here't have to be. Do you want a pretty dick? What is a pretty dick?

Get out of here. Actually, new question. What is a pretty dick? Okay, like, it's like, it could either be circumcised or uncircumcised, and it's just like straight. An uncircumcised dick is not pretty. No, yes it is. No, it's not. Yes it is.

They're fucking weird. Yes it is. Let me tell you, as like in high school, when we had like sports and stuff like that, anyone with an uncircumcised dick is like mentally damaged because they were bullied you absolutely get shamed if i had an uncircumcised dick i would never take it out oh my god there was like no one who got bullied like like kids on like the like the hockey team or baseball team who had uncircumcised and they try to tell you like no it feels better for the chicks they make up some shit it's like no you just got a weird looking dick dude i don't know i i like them both i don't especially for anal like uncircumcised kind of feel better than like than like circumcised

i don't believe you they do they do i mean you're the expert here but they're like entrance then like if anything i would be opposite there's stuff to get caught you know what i mean like extra it's just a mess i can't i think you're lying but straight huh so like curve guys out they don't like. Got no shot. They're just, I'm talking about pretty. What's pretty? Because I like when they kind of curve to like the side that like hits this like unknown area. But with pretty, especially like.

To the right or the left? No, actually. But my ex, the one that got me into porn, his curves like to the side. And I like that. So, you know know they have a good pair of balls to match i don't know you know pretty dick when you see one i can't describe it wasn't that i think a that's like a supreme court justice i think like a long time ago was trying to just like try and describe they were trying to quantify porn and their way to do it was like

you just know it when you see it. When you know if it's obscene you just know. Hey, did we save the bees? We're in the process. The more views that those bee videos get, the more money gets donated to bee saving charities. We'll let you know, I guess, when bees aren't endangered.

They're currently endangered. I don't think we're ever going to reach that point. We're just going to have robot bees. Oh my gosh, stop. know, I guess, when bees aren't endangered. They're currently endangered. I don't think we're ever going to reach that point. I think we're just going to have robot bees. Oh my gosh, stop. No, I'm serious. Scientists will just invent. That's so sad. We'll just make our own bees. No, I'm 90% sure we just did that. We sent robot bees to Mars. To do the work, yeah. Oh, wow.

Those things are going to come back like really fucking aliens. And that's going to backfire. They're going to take over the world. I can't believe bees are endangered. I guess it's because so many people were like afraid of them and they were just like killing them all poor bees uh clay wants to know what's your most awkward moment since joining the adult industry um any bloopers or mishaps you're just trying to think there's just so many yeah it's not like oh there's never like what should I do there's a thousand to pick from god

I mean I don't know I'm just like the other day like I was working with a really good friend of mine Gina and she's like such a good friend of mine that it's like awkward for us to work together so like I was just like laughing non-stop like I was I didn't even care to like actually like have sex with her so I'm just like sucking on her

toes in the corner like while the guy's fucking her and it's like I can't do this like I can't even care to, like, actually, like, have sex with her. So I'm just, like, sucking on her toes in the corner, like, while the guy's fucking her and it's sick. I can't do this. Like, I can't have sex with her. I'll just suck your toes. I can't fuck you, but I'll suck your toes. We have, I have a question, which we've discussed ad nauseum, I'd say. And Kevin gets mad at me when I do it. But you had a poll of it on your Twitter.

I was perusing Twitter. Bush back or not back? Yeah, I guess. poll of it on your twitter i was yeah perusing twitter bush back or not back yeah i guess i i think in like i think normal like civilian girls don't have bushes but it is in porn yeah like dictates how the world works if porn's doing it like if porn's doing porn started doing eating ass and then now it's like everywhere porn porn just predicts the future of sex in the real world I'll never forget when I was in high school I was talking to this guy

and he was like you should grow out a bush and I was like why? and he was like there's this porn star Riley Reid she has a bush

you should do it and I was like no and I still didn't do it I didn't do it until I got into porn and I'm still kind of like should I get rid of it?

because a lot of normal girls don't have bushes they will that's my I made my girlfriend growing out my like non-porn girlfriend yeah she has a bush yeah they're so cute they are um it's like so 90s or 80s whenever yeah it's a real it's a retro it's like you wear vintage t-shirts you have vintage pubes yeah i. Yeah, I'm saying. I get it. Vintage pubes. I have a question.

And this kind of goes to it. It says, has porn raised your expectations for sex in relationships? So like, and in general, I feel like porn probably, in some ways, I think, girl, like porn is like bad for normal chicks because they expect wild shit to go down. But I also think it's kind of good in a lot of ways because like puts it all on the table and everybody like kind of yeah it's like you know you can talk about it more like what do you actually want to do here i mean i've had like amazing sex like in porn but i've also had amazing sex with guys like not in porn so it's like different like yeah you i guess you do like more extreme stuff like in porn but if anything that kind of makes you appreciate the more like vanilla normal sex too that's what asa actually used to be a co-host of our show yeah

and uh she said that she was like i mean i think that relationship was going pretty south anyway i believe they're divorced now but she was like when she was on the show she'd be like yeah we i go home and i have sex for three minutes yeah she's like she was like preferred quickies like at home with her husband yeah like i have. She preferred quickies at home with her husband. I have just lesbian sex at home. So you're a lesbian? No, I'm bisexual. So right now you have a girlfriend?

Yeah. If you could meet aliens, what would be the first thing you'd say to aliens? I would run away. I wouldn't say anything to them. I'm so scared. What a pussy. What a fucking bitch. I'm so scared. a pussy what a fucking bitch i'm so scared and i know they exist like i'm so like aliens have been some like a hot topic on this show

how do you how do you know that he's like you just believe well i watch like really old episodes of unsolved mysteries like the real like unsolved mysteries and there was always like ufo sightings and like they have so many episodes about aliens. And then I was like, they stopped, they stopped documenting this. Like I know someone like stopped them from like putting this info out there because it was real. Like it's like,

yo, you sound like a full blown conspiracy. No, it's true. It's true. Um, what is the deal? And with,

uh, step one, I don't know. You tell me, because the world watches it so much and that's why we have to keep making it you so you don't like it's been like years though like the front page is just dominated by step porn for like two three years you know how many of my fans are like i love when you do this kind of like those are the things that it's like incest and

like teen porn that get like watched the most so it's like well we have to produce the most but if people were super into like DJ porn we would all be dressed up as DJs too like it's like whatever sells we're not doing it for our own good we're selling it for ourselves. Yeah but like right now you can't not consume it like you're making you're like shoving it down our throats

it's like I can't click on anything but step porn so of course you're gonna go wow someone watched it I'm gonna go well that's all I can watch and we're but step porn. So, of course, you're going to go, wow, someone watched it. I'm going to go, well, that's all I can watch. And we're just going to keep doing this forever. I shit like one or two. Go make a DJ porn. I'll fucking watch it. I promise.

I don't think it really matters, to be honest. Just going to watch you get fucked. I don't shit them that much. But, yes, I have shot them a lot over the past five years. More than I would want to. I've never had sex with a step family member or family member in real life, so I don't know why. That's good.

You just got a new Instagram, I think, right? Why? Did you just have a new Instagram or were you just promoting the old one? My Instagram is Dangerous Hero, but I have so many fake accounts, it's kind of hard to navigate. Is that why porn star accounts get deleted so often? I don't know. Mine only got deleted my first one, but that was because I was always posting my butt.

Straight up butt crack and stuff. I'm not getting Kardashian, so I don't get away with that shit. This Instagram I've had for four, three years. Oh, okay. It was just an article. I think it was Adrian Archechik or something like that was like kind of putting together a like march outside Instagram headquarters like oh wow Mark

Zuckerberg is like coming after you guys oh my god you're in the crosshairs keep me away I want my my Instagram has not been taken away I'm super lucky so I'm like good

luck I'm gonna go post on Instagram though yeah I'm like you guys have to be doing something to upset these people if your accounts are getting deleted so much I don't know.

You won an award for, like, best squirter or something like that? Yeah, I did. That was a good award. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was immortalized? Oh, yes. Wow, there's a ghost in here. Aliens. Aliens probably is.

What's the deal with squirting? You peeing? Yeah, it's pee. It's pee. Oh, no. Fuck. Okay, let me explain. We're going to edit that out for the viewer at home i'll be honest i've never like even when we when we had us on she was like it's a little bit like you're just you're just straight up like no it's me no look okay so

the like act of doing it it's like you're so relaxed and it's like a different kind of orgasm like it feels really good like imagine when you're like holding your pee for a really long time and you finally pee you're like uh like yeah that's what it feels like while you're getting bugs it's really good sensation but like it's mostly pee like i think vice was on that did a study on it they like had 30 different scientists test it and it's like it's like mostly pee and some vaginal then how like how do you pee that much well we drink a lot of Pedialyte before our scenes, so it's not yellow. And obviously, we want that extreme effect. So I'll squirt in real life, but it won't be as much.

Like it's not hitting the fucking wall. Yeah, exactly. It's so important. One time, it flew up and landed on the director's head. But that's what they wanted. Just peed on that guy's head. Just peed on that guy's head. Just peed on that guy's head. Yeah, he was like,

Dad, he hated me. That's a rough day at the office. I was laying on the couch, and it flew directly up onto... Rudy, imagine if I just came in your hair, bro. That's happening in porn, too. Yeah, so we just drank a lot, a lot of fluids before, but it's fun like what's the

most um like what's the thing that the viewer doesn't know the most about porn what are you like hiding the most um like if they were to see behind the scenes that they would be like oh fuck that's how they do it fuck i guess how much like we starve for anal. No one sees how hungry we are when we're shooting anal scenes. So you guys are just like, can I please have a cheeseburger? And they're like, no. Well, they let you eat, but you kind of don't want to. I don't know how to say it. But let's just say the moment I'm done with my scene,

I'm running to craft services and shoving food down my mouth. I'm so hungry. Glamorous life. Peeing on guys and starving yourself. Thank you for your service, Isabella. It's so funny. I'll be driving home from scored scenes, and I'll still have to pee.

I've had to stop on the side of the road because you still have so much water inside of you. It's a commitment, guys. guys for real it is a commitment um all right we're gonna bring in our perfect timing yeah that was really great actually perfect so we got uh these are our our in-house asmr guys this year in the blue is uh asmr sweetheart come sit down. And this here is ASMR-dy. Hi. So, I mean, we'll pull a chair over for Marty. Or actually, Marty, you come sit here. I can move over. No, you stay there.

Okay. And I think we'll just let you guys do your thing. Do you have something planned, or what do you want to do here? It's great to meet you. So, I really wanted to get a snack. I wanted to get hot Cheetos, but I forgot to get them on the way. I'll get you some. Yeah, let's eat something.

You guys have never done an eating ASMR, have you? No. I have before, yeah. I chowed down on some chicken fingers. Oh, fuck yeah. I love the sound of eating. Yeah, they do. Peeps find us a little odd. Oh, see, that was good. So can you sort of teach us how to be, like, sexual and erotic when we do ASMRs and we can, like, turn girls on and stuff?

I say bastards a lot, so it doesn't work. I love that. I love bastards. I love. I love your accent. So it's, like, a good technique to, you know, be really like sexual. I think if you just have a really exaggerated way of talking. She's way better at this.

She has a good breath. Just maybe nice and slow. My butt's working. Very slow. She has a good breath. Just maybe nice and slow. Very slow. What do you like? Suck on your... We're just getting somewhere. What are you? I think you're pretty good at that.

You have a good breath. Right? Pretty good. You're making me laugh. I should be turning you on. I'm supposed to make you laugh What's going on here? I love your accent so much

His accent is turning me on I'm done here This is the best day ever Holy shit. I didn't make up. Wait, what's your go-to best erotica ASMR? I guess putting a butt plug in my butt. We haven't tried that one. Maybe in our next video.

I guess we could try that. We like basketball. I did it. Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away we're like basketball. I did it. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. That's what I do. We flick our cheeks or like I make a weird giggle. We spray water in each other's mouths. Yeah.

Pretty sick. I'm into it. You're into it? I feel like I could, we could try to get into something sexual. I need you. Yeah. I like to say, I like to rat girls. You could tickle each other. I haven't done that before. Yeah, so this has been a little bit of what you like to maybe later watch one of our videos

and see if it gives you the tingles. Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.

I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. I would love to you ever hear someone say they like to rat a girl what you ever hear someone say you like to rat a girl? What? You ever hear someone

say, you like to rat a girl? What does that mean? What does that mean? Alright, nobody knows. Just my own language. We've done some singing stuff too. We've done some ASMR singing. But tell me, what does rat a girl mean?

I'm a, like, I do all the rats. That just means I fuck somebody. Oh, I better start saying that. I'll do that. But, like, how do you go say, I'm going to go rat somebody? Yeah. That's what you say. I'm going to go rat you.

Or I dogged a rat last night. It's a very high, I can't, I'm a bad whisperer. I got to tell you that. I'm a really good whisperer. You got a good voice very good voice it's easier to talk sexy in a higher voice though

what do you mean? it's easier to just talk sexy like this than like whispering like this is like a sexy sound yeah like the raspy-ness in it that's like sexy what's up you baby? what's up you bastard?

I'm gonna dog your's like sexy baby Pretty good I want to like live in New York so I can have an accent like yours. It's pretty good, huh? It's good. I love it. That's why people are like, I'm not a good person. You don't want to know me for too long. Girls like to figure it out, and then they're like, you know what?

I'm good. Imagine that during sex. Terrible. No, I'm so into it. I mean, into it. I mean. I mean. All right. Anytime you want me on a shoot, just let me know.

We can arrange that. I got you. All right. I think we blended on that. That was a handshake. You don't have to show your face. You could do a glory hole. Just stick your penis through it. You know what?

And just talk through the other side. I'm a glory hole. Hold it up penis through a wall. You know what? And just talk through the other side. I'm a glory hole it up. Yeah, Catherine, you missed some things. I walked out for two seconds to wash my Cheeto hands, and I come back, and you're putting your dick in a glory hole? I'm in a glory hole. But he has to be talking. I need to hear your voice at this point.

Yeah, that's fine. I'll put my rat right in the hole. What part of New York do you have to be from to get that accent, so you can move there? Long Island. Ron Con kankama okay cool i need i need to move there i want to talk like that all right more than welcome to come to ron kankama how do you say it ron kankama i live in my own house with a bird what's your bird's name rudy oh that's nice pretty sick i'm kind of afraid of birds me too i hold him on a broom he's no he's like actually terrified

watch the sports for the bird it flies into the wall oh my god very temperamental bird one time i was driving and there was a pigeon flying and I was like, that bird is very close to me. That bird is really, really close to me. And then it smashed into my windshield. Oh, my. You're a bird killer. Holy shit. I'm not.

I wasn't even driving. I was stopped. Yeah, the pigeon straight up killed itself. Like, I was just stopped. That argument is not going to hold up in a court of law. Like, just switch bird with person. You're in trouble. You're in a lot of trouble. No, because I was just stopped. That argument is not going to hold up in a court of law. Just switch bird with person. You're in trouble. You're in a lot of trouble.

No, because I was stopped. And imagine a person just running to my car. That's like, I can't do anything about that. It's an insurance fraud scam. But if you don't have it on video, guess what? They're probably going to win. I was like, I need to get a dash cam. All right.

So tonight you have your ASMR experience, right? Yeah, I do. Where's it at? Oh, fuck. I don't even know. It's at some venue. That's a professional plug right there. The link is in browsers.

Yeah, go to browsers. Go get your tickets to watch Bella do some ASMR tonight. Yeah. These two are going to be coming out special. Or not. Yeah, you should. I would love that. I mean or not Yeah, you should I would love that No, I would I would love if you guys came I don't think the audience would but a little threesome here. If we have to. I feel like you'll be thoroughly entertained with our

ASMR. It's only a long show. Let me just paint the picture here. The type of guys who are going to see you do ASMR do not want these two guys. We don't want to be there to watch you. We want a performer. Some girls are going to be there too. I'm not a girl fan.

The girls will like it. The girls will be into it. the girls will be into your accent the guys who pay to go see a Bella do ASMR when she's like let's bring out ASMR sweetheart and ASMRty get the fuck off me alright well thank you for coming by thank you for having me

thank you