KFC Radio - Jeff Dunham, Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome, and Just Listen

Episode Date: June 2, 2020

Subscribe, rate, and leave a review. We kick off the episode discussing everything going on with the protests and why some people should just listen right now. We talk about some of the lighter clips that have gone viral. It's Top 5 Tuesday(54:54), we rank the top 5 things to get from the ice cream truck. Voicemails (01:10:20) include movie letdowns, pencil fingers, and persistent genital arousal syndrome. Jeff Dunham (01:28:45) joins the show today. We discuss the new hobbies he's tried picking up in quarantine, being the world's most famous ventriloquist, how he's viewed in stand up comedy, and much more. As always, let us know what you think. Follow KFC Radio here: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kfcradio/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/KFCradio Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kfcradio/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kfcradio Follow KFC Here: Twitter: https://twitter.com/KFCBarstool Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kfcbarstool/ Follow Feitelberg here: Twitter: https://twitter.com/FeitsBarstool Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feitelberg/You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We're back in action. And last week was kind of a weird one because I don't think people knew what they could say or what they should say. And things just kept on bubbling up and kept on getting crazier and crazier. And now I think this week it's, it's impossible to ignore it. It's, it looks silly if you're not speaking on it. But at the same time, I also feel like there's

been this like flips switch flipped where now everybody has to give their thoughts on everything. And while I don't think it's, and this might sound hypocritical because Saturday night I did a fucking podcast and wrote like a two-hour blog on it. So I certainly was out there giving my thoughts. But I don't think it's something where you have to give your thoughts. And I don't think it's something where, you know, I know we're all in it together. And I know it's not a black or white or brown thing. Like we all should be in it but yet at the same time a flood of white people like

opining about this is probably not necessary either i would think no it was it was like uh um you know when you're young and it's like yo if your friend jumped off the bridge would you too like it's really the world is waiting for someone to jump off the bridge i don't know who it was yeah and then everyone released PR statements. Now don't get me wrong. There are people who should release PR statements. A hundred percent. I think there are a lot of people who haven't,

who should have them. Like I thought the most powerful one, if you will, was Adidas and Nike, which is like, I thought was crazy. Yeah. Well,

by the way, what was that boardroom? Like, we're like, no, you're quote tweeting us. We're going first. You're going second.

That negotiation must've been tough. boardroom like we're like no you're quote tweeting us we're going first you're going second that negotiation must have been tough you know what i i hated about that was fucking that weasel darren rovell was the one who like put that out there and said like wow this is so powerful and just because darren rovell fucking sucks everybody like came down on him like a ton of bricks but that being said it was pretty cool i mean that's a pretty big deal for those guys who undoubtedly fucking hate each other. Somebody had to pick up the phone. Somebody was negotiating. And I'm sure it's more the PR departments than like the executives.

But it's still, it's a cool one. I don't follow Ravel. If I had seen that, I probably would have hated it. He was like, he's so mad. I have him muted. So everybody quote tweets it um he was like I have it muted so everybody quote tweets it and it says like you can't view this tweet and I was like click like fuck I gotta look at it worse when you're like should I should I um but yeah it seemed like everyone released something most of it was nothing most of it was just bland shit and uh it's just like

I don't think it's weird because we do have a voice now like that's crazy like it's but it's factual martial sports and you know to an extent some of the small uh individual people have like really large voices and they should be used in a sense but i think they should be used just to amplify other people's voices. Yeah. That's what I've been doing. Like it just like, I've been retweeting, you know, people who are black, who can actually speak on it. I've been like sharing on like Instagram because fucking frankly, my voice doesn't fucking matter. I have no idea what they're talking about.

Here's what, here's what I said in my blog. Well, first of all, I wrote and did that podcast because I was truly, being 100% honest, I was starting to get a little embarrassed. I mean, as a company, we didn't say anything. Will Compton wrote his blog. That was great. But otherwise, nobody who's been here for a long time said anything, and I started to get antsy about that. Not that it's like my duty, but I was just like, listen,

I always talk about what's going on. And now all of a sudden when this is happening and it's the most important thing in the world, I'm just gonna shut the fuck up. So I think what's important is to do it from a point of view, like you'll never catch me writing a blog saying what black people should be thinking

or feeling or what they should be doing. But I do know that's like, when you say you don't have a voice, it's not really true because we have the voice of, it sounds bad, but we have the voice of the uneducated under, like, we don't know what's going on. And there's a lot of people like that who are like, I don't know what to say or to do. And I think at this point in our careers, we're like, kind of good with words, good at being relatable. So like, let me try to talk to you and you and you and all like, I mean, 99% of our listeners and readers are going to be people who are like, I don't really know what to say either. So the message, I mean, my message was kind of like, don't fucking say

anything. Just like, don't be an idiot. Just listen and try to learn. Just listen. Yeah. Just let, cause you just, I just, i don't know what it is about the casual racism where like you would never if i were to talk about like going to war you'd be like i don't know anything about that i never served in the military like i have no idea what to say or how you're feeling or any anything else in life where it's like hey do you have any experience with this talk about it you'd be like no i don't I don't know about that. But this, for some reason, people are, not hateful people, not racist, like outwardly racist people, regular ass people with good hearts and good moral compass

are still like, let me tell you something. It's like, no, don't tell me anything. Don't tell anybody anything. It's so crazy. I was thinking about it the other day, just like, because I grew up in a good neighborhood, I guess. It's not a great town, but it's a fine neighborhood. But, like, the projects aren't far from me. They're, like, probably two blocks. I drive by them every day.

And, like, you would always see cops out there. And I, in my neighborhood, I never once saw, like, technically I grew up in a lawless neighborhood there was just and and it was fine it was good there was there was and then like where the cops always were there's a lot of fucking uh there's always you know not a lot but there was trouble and it's just like it's it's like like so having a minor like not mo i don't know how you spell it actually like someone who minds you minor like not mo i don't know how you spell it actually like someone who minds you right like every day you're walking out and they're just cops are like what are you up to what's your business and like eventually yeah that's gonna make you fucking snap like for that's been happening for centuries of course people are fucking fed up with it

it's like i don't know so like i just i'm like that's not a world i grew up in so i can't you're not gonna speak on it i can just share the voices of people who did. 100%, man. It's like – I saw the best – the best thing I saw about it the other day was someone said white people can go to the movies and fucking make Star Wars the biggest franchise of all time. And then they see something like this and like I don't get it. And it's like it's Star Wars's what's happening is star wars the rebel forces are sick of the evil empire fucking putting their their knees on their throats it's fucking star wars and what are they doing

they're fighting fucking back they're blowing shit up they're getting like they're doing literally called the rebel alliance right That's such a good point. Like, what do you mean you don't get it? And then, of course, then you run into the backlash and the response. I mean, the amount of people who are sending. Like, it's just so annoying that it's like, no, I don't think that protesters, like, bashing innocent store owners in the head with rocks is okay, too. You can't like you can't make that fucking jump. You know, I saw I hate I don't know about you, but I hate all these all like the memes and charts and like things that start to circulate.

I just can't stand. But there was one that was that did did jump out of me it was just a a venn diagram of four things and it said george floyd's death was murder and cops should be in jail the police system is structurally corrupt and regularly refuses to prosecute cops looting and burning businesses is immoral and counterproductive people who do that should go to jail mass protests and civil disruptions are legitimate and warranted actions. And in the middle, it says you can be here. That's not that fucking novel this is powerful. It's like, don't be an asshole, don't be an asshole, don't be an asshole, don't be an asshole. You can be in the middle.

No fucking kidding, you can be in the middle. I can't believe you need to be described that and told that. It's, I don't know, it's a stunning look at the world. I've been just like, you know, obviously addicted to twitter like watching everything and it's it's fucking like it's hard like emotional not like like don't get me wrong it's not like oh i'm crying or shit like that but like when i was just i was thinking about it on friday night where it's just like you stack up everything you've gone through in the last three

months and then like everything's been chipping away and chipping away, chipping away, chipping away. And now the fucking world's on fire. And it's just like, what the fuck are we doing here? It's like, like all the,

you know, the world's coming into an end type shit kind of got like hacky, but it's like, like, there's a reason why Andy Milonakis his tweet has 4 million likes when he said congratulations to the astronauts from getting off Earth. Good job. Like, there's a reason why that resonated with absolutely everybody because it's like, boy, I wish I could get the fuck out of here. I mean, I reached a point where it was like, and, yeah, I have to say all of this with an enormous grain of salt not to be like, woe is me.

It's so hard to be on social media, but every morning I would wake up, grab my phone as usual. And I open up Twitter like with one eye open being like, what's it going to be today, man? Like how much, I mean, every night, because you know, shit happens overnight during these riots where it's like, you know, I look at everything that says like seven hours ago, it's like 2am or whatever. And I'm like, all right, these guys, you know,

got beat up. These guys got got hurt these cops got injured like it's just a shit show every fucking day and you know what I think it's good for people like us though because it's like usually everything's good usually everything's fucking awesome it's just like oh let's wake up and make some jokes and I'm gonna eat some cereal and like it's all gonna be good until I get to watch Netflix tonight so maybe it's good that I'm like oh my god this is going to eat some cereal and like it's all going to be good until I get to watch Netflix tonight. So maybe it's good that I'm like, oh, my God, this is a fucking nightmare because it's like it's been that way for other people for a long ass time. I disagree. I don't think it's good. I don't think I don't think we should have to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to wake up. And it's like it's just it's just every day. They don't want to do it either, bro. No, I don't. I'm not speaking about this as the protest situation.

Situation. Fucking A. It's so stupid when you just use these fucking benign words. No, it's fucking chaos to disrupt a world that is fucking beating people down. What's the situation? Shut the fuck up, John. This is what I mean. Don't fucking talk.

That's the thing is like that's good on you for like even just recognizing something that that simple in the moment like you don't realize that certain words that you choose or certain things that you address or whatever it is you say it's like you are not like a bad person but you don't get that what you just said right there is like you're completely dismissive or you're being completely rude to the people who live it and that's what what fucking privileged people are not getting it's like literally everything you say and do is programmed to probably piss off this sect of society and you're not doing it intentionally and if you ever really realized it you'd probably shut the fuck up and they're making you realize it now so it's it's like important to even catch

yourself in those moments because most of us don't yeah i'm a real fucking hero yeah and then i mean then then this is the thing too it becomes like you know we should just all shut the fuck up. It's just impossible because then you turn it into, you know, like, oh, so sorry. You know, it's just the worst. It's also, too, where you're like, you're just like having conversations with people and you're just like, oh, I hope you don't bring it up because I feel like I think I know what you think and I don't want to hear it. You know what I mean? People are awkward. You know, I got people in my life who lean hardcore right. And like, and I'm like, I'm sure you saw what I wrote and said and put on social media yesterday.

And here we are like just laughing it up together, talking about other shit. And I know if this conversation comes up, it's going to be a problem. So I really disagree with who you are as a person. And I just don't want to hear it. Right. It is. It's an ugly time. If you're just trying to like enjoy life and have fun in the summer and

it's a lucky time where like, we live in a time where we kind of, we're kind of talking about this. In fact, it's probably me. I should have brought this up when you're talking about Twitter, but like, we are so lucky to live in a time when

like we can see it like there's so many times what used to probably happen right before this shit i mean just think 10 years ago 15 years ago when it's like just if you just look at the headlines of all the papers it's like riots looters everything's on fire that's all you got that's all the information you got but the scary part of it is you think what a small sect of people, uh, have social media and like are, are on it as often as we are or follow people who would get them to see it. Like it's, it's very difficult to, if you, if you don't want to live in this world, you don't have to.

And that's kind of like, like if I don't want to live in that world i can just not live in that world i cannot know anything about it i cannot see it i can i can just walk down the street and have no fucking idea that world exists there are like so many individual worlds and if i want to i can opt out and then now don't get me wrong i'm not like a fucking hero who's opted in and like you know like i'm well i'm not out in boston fucking in the streets um but i'm i'm in it enough where I can get educated, I think. And I think that's what people need to do. Just fucking look at it. You can't say that, like, police brutality doesn't exist if you've been on Twitter.

Right. Over the last fucking five days, there have been hundreds i've seen hundreds thousands maybe i've seen i've definitively seen hundreds of of instances of police officers escalating situation and making it bad just like kicking someone who's kneeling or like something that's completely fucking unnecessary and that's just that's just the world for people that's just the fucking world they live in every single day that's something I observe as an outsider. That's something they see every fucking single day. Of course, of course this is going to happen.

Did you see the cop with his knee in the guy's neck? And the other guy to pull over and was like, move your fucking knee, you idiot. Like that, it's crazy. I mean, maybe that's how they're trained or that's how they just know to do it. But, and then on the other side, you know, there's the, the, the protesters hitting people in the head with rocks in Dallas and, and, you know, looting stores. We know people who got their stores ruined. You saw a bunch of people putting that. I mean, then, and those people are assholes too. That's a very simple thing to fucking say and admit.

Where I have a problem is like the, was thinking that like there was one video i saw where was the cop like like getting like geared up yeah like like he like he was like he let he looked like a character sitting in a helicopter going into battle right where it was just like that's that's not what you should be doing man and like that's this and i think that comes down to like the another societal problem we have we're like we're just so easy to call it we kind of doing, man? And I think that comes down to another societal problem we have where we're just so easy to call it. We kind of talk about it with Tim Dillon. We're just like, everyone's a

hero. Everything's a hero. And then I think when it's like, cops are heroes, cops are heroes, cops are heroes. And occasionally a cop can be a hero. I do not think just because being a police officer, just because you opt into a job that doesn't make you a hero straight up. There can be on the beat one day something that causes you to be a hero but like i feel like then it gets people who are like have a hero complex want to sign up for that job so

they can get labeled a hero and find a situation like that's what that guy was doing he was just like waiting for something to pop off and it's that's just not what you're supposed to be doing de-escalate de-escalate. De-escalate the situation. You know what's crazy is I do think a lot of cops have a hero complex. And in this situation, the people who are being called, if you want to be a hero, I will show you the examples. It's the dude who like stood in front of everyone and was like, let's have a peaceful march. I'm going to walk with you.

And everyone was like, dude, it's fucking awesome. When the police chief in Atlanta had killer Mike and TI, and she was the one on the front lines just talking to people, everyone's praising her. The Jersey cops who all walked holding the sign together are being, those are the heroes. If you want to be a hero, if you have a hero, you don't have a hero complex. You have like a violence complex. You have a tough guy complex. You want to flex on people and that's what you do with your badge and your gun and and the protesters on the other side have like a chaos complex where they think that those are the answers and so as always in

everything in life the extremes are wrong and it's somewhere in the middle with the normal ass people that like this issue really lies which most people are and it's just normal being a normal person doesn't get your headlines you got to be either a psychotic killer or someone who's fucking lighting buildings on fire did you see that dude who lost his eye no this dude i don't know i i don't know i i consider him a hero because he was at the front line of protesting. I don't know. Maybe there's videos of him being an asshole or something, so I don't know. But this dude tweeted, he got hit in the face, in the eyeball,

with a tear gas canister because a cop just pointed at his head. And he tweeted, like, I just got hit in the face because a cop pointed at my head. I'll be fine. I'm probably going to lose my eye, but like it's all good. Follow-up tweet. He's got an eye patch on. He's like, I did lose my eye, but, you know, that's what happens. And I was just like, what?

Like I can't – and he's a white guy, by the way. And like I just can't imagine being passionate enough about anything to get out there and get shot in the face and then be like that was worth it so I commend anybody who's that down to ride for the cause for anything in their life I mean this being the most important thing but if you have if you think if you have such passion about a topic that you are out protesting and just whatever, and then losing your eye or getting shot, the girl got shot in the fucking, right in the fucking forehead with a rubber bullet and her whole skin ripped apart. I would just be like, I'm going to do it from Twitter.

I'm going to send tweets. I'm not getting out there. That's crazy. So I'd tip my cap to anybody who's down to ride like that. If you told me it was going to happen beforehand, I'd say no. I think if it happened while I was out there, I'd be like, what are you going to do? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the other thing, too, is, like, he played it perfectly right,

you know what I mean, to be like, it's all good. Sean Witherspoon, you know, the dude who designed the sneakers, and he has round two. His store got completely ruined. I mean, you can imagine a sneaker store when looting is going on. That's, you know, you're getting cleaned the fuck out. And he was just like – As was Patagonia.

What's that? As was Patagonia. Keep it both sides here. Everybody's getting their free clothes. For real. Patagonia and a surf shop we're also getting fucking looted so let's let's let's be clear about that every everyone could catch it but he was like yeah i mean it sucks but it's it's nothing compared to what what these people go through so no big deal

and maybe on the inside he's like fuck what do, what do I, I can't, Joe Exotic, I'm never going to financially recover from this. But outwardly, he's like, yeah, I mean, it happens. You know what I mean? So. Speaking of Joe Exotic, did you see that fucking, like, the Joe Exotic origin story comic book? Hey, hey, fella, we cared, we stopped caring about you a long time ago. A long time ago.

Your 15 minutes got cut down to, like, seven. You burned hot, you burned bright, you burned fast, and you are gone, homie. Nobody gives a fuck about you anymore. Joe Exotic was, like, he was, like, the fun weekend. We're like, oh, we all get to stay in. Right, right. We watch TV. And then, like, the fun weekend. We're like, oh, we all get to stay in. Right, right. We can watch TV. And then, like, the world caught on fire, dude.

Like, has anyone thought about, like, a worse run than him? Like, if everyone – like, he's probably the most mad about people who were, like, out being like, let me get a haircut. Because it was like, if everyone had stayed in and done what we were supposed to do, and, like, we could open up like most of the rest of the world it's like pretty open again if we could open up like that joe exotic might have gotten parted the president of the united states was talking about pardoning him and then everything went to hell and i think joe exotic probably that pardon slip is no longer sitting

on the oval office the the bottom of the pile. That's not on the to-do list anymore. I got bumped off. That's a great point. That is a great fucking point. There's a lot of characters in this process. Like, listen, it's all very serious, but let's call it a spade a spade. There's some humor in a lot of what's going on here.

A lot of the video. The cheesecake girl. The girl walking out with the cheesecake is my favorite thing I've ever seen. I didn't see that. I saw it, but I didn't open it. The cheesecake factory got looted, and this girl walks out with a full-ass cheesecake on a plate. It's not like in a box or anything. She's just holding a cheesecake with, like, a quart of milk under her arm and she just walks out of like a broken window and she's like stepping through the glass and if that imagery is not funny enough the the news

anchor is like oh we have footage here of the cheesecake factory being looted uh look there's a woman there walking out with the cheesecake unconfirmed where she got it from i think she i think she got it from the factory that makes cheesecakes dude what the fuck is going on so did you see those what i what i said earlier where it was like when i was like situation like shut the fuck up john like you're just like you're being an idiot without like actively trying to um which i think is how idiocy usually works but the uh it was a one of a woman um like white lady like picking up a bunch of clothes in a store i don't know what store it was and then new baker is like i hope she's an employee and not someone stealing like you're only saying that because she's a white lady you're always in percent that's the shit that people

don't realize it's like you only said that you weren't thinking yourself i'm gonna make a racist comment here because i don't like black people your brain just goes there because i don't know why it's just how like everyone's program that was the best example it's like no no no no she's stealing designer handbags dude a lot of them a whole fucking lot of them you You think at the Gap they made sure their employees were there during the protests? Go stock the shelves. All right, so we're going to talk about some of the more interesting but a little bit lighter issues here. It's brought to you by TJ Hanley.

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where you can get high quality skin products for a super affordable price. That's TJ, T-I-E-G-E dot com slash KFC. Don't have an ugly face. So two of the stories I thought were great that jumped out of of quarantine of the protests and whatnot that I think you can kind of discuss regardless. One is my dude, Jr. Smith team swish, just beating the shit out of some guy who broke his window, which for an NBA player is like, you know, it's a dicey move no matter what your motivations are,

no matter how justified you feel you are, or maybe you are in fact, he just doesn't give a fuck. And Team Swish, he's like baseball's Manny Ramirez. Like if Manny Ramirez beat up someone who was breaking his shit, we'd all just be like, ah, that's just fucking Manny. No big deal. Team Swish got the same treatment. Everybody fucking loved it. And he was on a Pat McAfee show, saying to everybody else. Like how stupid his actions were too. He's like, that was somebody who did something stupid. And then I did something stupid back.

But, uh, well, that, that blew my mind. Cause like, I was just putting myself in those shoes. Like there's no chance.

I would, I would step in. Like, I'd be like destroying my car. I mean, that's I'd be like, destroy my car. I mean... That's not even like a... If someone was destroying my car in my driveway on a regular Tuesday, I'd be like,

I'm not going to fucking deal with that. People who are like... I guess I just don't understand it because I don't own anything. People who take pride and they're like, don't destroy my house well i'm not gonna fucking stop you you have like a crew of people and weapons i have insurance so i know how insurance works well you know what not i don't think everything needs to be looked at like through the racial

lens right now but he did say he was like i'm one of the he's like i'm one of the few people who was able to like get out of the hood i made it to a nice neighborhood i'm financially secure and like if that dude knew that that car belonged to me he probably wouldn't have done it because obviously he's protesting like you know hurting people like jr Smith. And so maybe when he sees that, that's what triggers in his head, whereas guys like me and you are like, well, we can get another car. You know how fucking crazy that is to be like, a car? Keep it. We'll just get another one.

Don't worry about it. It's a different angle. That's like something my dad – because my dad works in insurance so that's something like he taught me like young where it's just like possessions don't fucking matter you can just get another one where it's like you literally by running out into a group of people and or even just one person destroying your car you are risking your life and is that fucking car worth more than your life absolutely not well maybe for me but like the like it's just it's just like i i think my dad told me once because it was like the car in our driveways like kind of steep or it was

really steep and like the car started to roll and like he was still in it so he like put it in park real quick but he's like if i was out of the car just let that car go like don't like you see people like chasing the car trying to get in yeah let it go and and you'll live to get a new car so i've always been like possessions fuck them i don't give a shit i'll just either i have insurance on it or it's not that expensive so i can just buy a new one there's like nothing I own that would risk my life to defend. You could just stop after nothing I own because I think that's been drilled into you so hard.

You don't have any worldly possessions. You've always said this. What's the one thing you would take from your apartment? You're like, I don't know, my ukulele? I'm not sure. I guess my laptop. What? I guess my laptop, and that's a work thing.

Work could actually be a good one. I don't know. I don't know. Everything you can get, another thing. My soon-to-be brother-in-law asked me yesterday, does Feidelberg ever get mad about anything? I was like, nope. And then this episode, you're like,

if people were in my driveway destroying my shit, I'd be like, eh, whatever. It doesn't matter how crazy is it to go out and confront them. Just fuck. I mean, like, I told this story. I think it was on KFC radio. Or I think I just blogged it. Yeah, I just blogged it. So I'm sure I've told this story.

But, like, I'm not, like, speaking, like, if this happened. This happened, and i did nothing like i was i was in tallahassee villa cortez apartment complex jackson bluff road i was taking a shit i heard people in my living room i knew my roommate was away i just opened the door of the bathroom poked out saw a bunch of dudes stealing stuff close the door to the bathroom and like i don't even think what i did was technically hiding i think i was just finishing shitting like it was just like i was just like all right we just sat there and it was just like i don't know they got

what they wanted they got laptops and tvs and shit and then they just left like what if i ran out there three dudes stealing my shit they're like I'm gonna get my fucking ass kicked for a TV. Don't think so, buddy. Have that TV. I don't fucking care. The only time I was confronted with this, my senior year, I was living at Fordham on campus.

And we had like a suite with two, three bedrooms and then like a main room, whatever. And I saw this dude like open my bedroom door and like poke his head in and it was not any of my roommates and i kind of popped up and i was like the fuck and he was just like oh my bad man like i'm in the wrong place and i was like yeah y'all are get the fuck out and then he just like quietly walked away and i get up like to to follow to make sure he actually left and i know that like some shit's going down so i grabbed a can of febreze that's what i grabbed it was the only object on my desk so i

just grabbed it like this and i was ready to just like hit someone with a can of febreze but when i retold the story i never i never specified that it was like a metal can of febreze that i was intending to use like like that's not the greatest weapon either but it was like a metal can of Febreze that I was intending to use. Like, like that's not the greatest weapon either, but I was like, I was going to hit somebody with it. People thought I was going to like spray the dude with Febreze. Anyway, he wasn't there. And I was like, all right, I don't know. That was, that was some shady shit. Maybe it was a drunk kid who went in the wrong apartment. I don't know. We woke up in the morning and, uh, my roommate was like, where, where's all my stuff? Where's my laptop? Where's my phone? Where's this?

Where's that? I didn't lose anything. So yeah, listen, moral of the story is if anybody's breaking into your apartment, you don't want the KFC radio boys to be, you know, on, on, on, on duty. Dude. I mean, I was literally on duty. I didn't get off duty. I stayed on the, the, the, we the we actually got like a it was like a fight but my girlfriend and i last weekend i think when i was i was watching last weekend actually i was watching sex in the city with my girlfriend and there was a scene where carrie bradshaw gets like robbed at gunpoint and she like my girlfriend didn't think that the guy was a good after or

something like that he didn't look like someone who would pull the trigger. So she was like, I wouldn't give up my bag or anything like that. And I was like, I was like, you're a fucking idiot. Like it was, it was a joking argument that I think was a little more serious on her side. Like, Oh, I was like, I'm just going to say funny things. We'll see what happens to it. And the, the, I was like, you're, you're a dumb it. You're a dumb it.

You're a dumb idiot. If you wouldn't like i was like i would give them everything right away i'd strip naked for them you would gun on me here's everything you want see you later let's hope i get out of this alive and she's like she's like no i was like i was like i hope this happens one day then and i was like i want to prove to you how stupid you are i hope this happens one day she's like you hope i get robbed the gunpoint no i hope i hope someone robs a good boy and you refuse so you hope i die oh no you know what she was describing what she thought the guy would be wearing she's like she's like oh she's yeah like if some like preppy kid

and like salmon shorts and like a polo shirt tried to rob me with a gun i wouldn't give it to him i was like i hope that happens it's just like you hope i get robbed i hope you get robbed by a guy in salmon shorts and a white polo shirt and you don't give him your money and he shoots you in the face and she's like so you hope I die no I don't hope you die I hope you're murdered in cold blood laughing

laughing I was like laughing hysterically and I don't think she was isn't that the point though she said you hope I get robbed I don't think she was. Isn't that the point though? She said, you hope I get robbed. You said, I hope you refuse. And she said, so you hope I die?

That's what's going to happen if you refuse. So you're one of those people who are proud of worldly possessions. Not me, man. Not me. Bro, I mean, I've been there. I've been robbed at gunpoint. I gave the guy all $7 that I had in my pocket. And the girl I was with, she was similar to your girl, who was like, no, I'm not doing it.

I was like, yes, we are. I was like, quiet, quiet, quiet. Give them what we got. I've been robbed at knife point, but I wasn't even whining. They just wanted me to stop peeing. What? Hang on. Pause right there. Another Feidelberg story.

I told this story. Huh? Have I heard this one? I think so. I don't know. I forget all these things. It's a Feidelberg story time. It's brought to you by Free Fly Apparel.

I mean, I'm saying it over and over again, but I cannot reiterate enough how much I love the Free Fly pants. I wear them everywhere I go. And at first, I was like, I thought maybe this was just a quarantine thing because they're so comfortable. But then I went up to your house for the weekend. I was wearing them. I wear them out now. We can get out there a little bit. Anytime I'm running errands, I'm going to wear them to the bar when I can go back. I'm going to wear them to work every to everywhere I go. I'm going to be wearing the free fly pants, either the breeze pants, which are kind of like, I think they're designed for like boating. Like the picture is a guy on a boat, just like, you know,

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in my armpit and people thought i had stains and i was like no no i'm not sweating i'm just gross and wearing dirty clothes there's a a difference. That's how much I love the shirt there. So, uh, cannot recommend it enough. Go to free fly apparel.com slash KFC and get 20% off. So I recommend use, do it all in one shot with discount. Get the nomad, the breeze pants, the bamboo Henley, some of the boxers I love. I've got the hat floating around somewhere. It makes my eyes pop like a motherfucker. If you've got blue eyes, I recommend this hat. So get it all in one shot. Get 20% off the whole shebang. It's freeflyapparel.com slash KFC. You're pissing? Someone with a knife comes up on you and says, stop peeing? Yeah, it was in Spain. I was like 17 or 18 or something like that. Me and my buddy.

I've definitely told a story. I hate when I retell stories, but I'm definitely retelling. But dude, if I don't remember them, then there's plenty of people who are new to the show or people who don't remember them. Just fucking tell it. All right. So we went to – we were in Salamanca, Spain. We were, like, juniors. Our high school had a study abroad program with, like, the college. And so we went to Spain.

We were in Salamanca for a month. And we went out every single night. It was actually, like like our pride and joy. We're like, there was one night we tried not to go out. We stayed up till 4 a.m. And they were like, fuck it, we're going out. And we went out at 4 a.m. And went right to class the next morning.

But it was just like, you know, it was a constant party. And there was one night where things really got out of hand. Where it was like, we lined up. I forget. La Chupateria. The shot factory, I believe it's called. And we were like, we were there. They had like abs i believe it's called and we were like and we got drunk as hell and there were these these french dudes who were like they did this

thing that we thought was so cool at the time and looking back on it kind of douchebaggy but it was uh they would lick a cigarette and just put it on their on their top lip like uh like uh they just leave it there like a mustache and it's just like how they like walk on the bar and shit and so we became friendly with them and then they get in a scrap with like some other spanish dudes or whatever and we pour out into the streets like it was like like west side story like like uh like we're all like kind of like up against each other like this and one one other dude came running out in like European shoes that were like pointy.

Like, I don't know. It was just like a European cut of a shoe. So it just came out pointy and he kicked my buddy right in the stomach. And it was like a sobering thing where you're just like, fuck this dude. We're out of here. Like we just like the way you hold cigarettes. Right, right. So we left, but we were drunk as hell.

We're just kind of roaming the streets of Salamanca and we had a piss. And so we just kind of find behind a dumpster and we're taking a piss and drunk and we're just kind of zoned out. And next thing we know, like people are beating on the dumpster. And like one guy has a knife out and there's like screaming ass. And we're like, uh, like I kind of spoke Spanish at the time, but I hear them saying like, stop being, stop being. And we're like, dude, we started. It's's gonna stop when it stops

30 seconds ago dude like you are too late the bomb has gone off it is over for you and it was it wasn't like a robbery it was a reverse robbery like they wanted less of something they wanted less pee in the street they were just being like, stop ruining our neighborhood with your piss. Right. Honestly, it was probably like a shop's owner. Right, right. But then we ended up going into a shop with them, and we became friendly, and we just sat on the curbside at like 2 o'clock in the morning,

and we ate donuts with them. And that was how that story ended. You know, the last scrap I was in, I was probably like 25-ish, and we were at Tonic. If you know in Manhattan, Tonic East, which is just like the stupidest bridge and tunnel place in the world. But it had open windows and a rooftop and all that shit. And I lived on 28th. Tonic's on like 31st. Anyway, we go to the bar, and I've got a friend in a wheelchair, and he's quite mouthy.

Was before the accident and was afterwards. He's just always mouthing off. And I think maybe a little more so once he was in the chair, like what the fuck are you going to do? You know? So we were like, we were in the bar, but the windows were open. And this like, basically not like homeless dude, but like this, like a derelict was walking by. And like, I think it was making fun of him for being in the chair.

And so he, he's mouthing off to him too. And everyone kind of like what's going on oh like he's just yelling at the guy whatever kind of subsides like 30 seconds later dude runs into the bar and grabs my buddy in the chair and starts like shaking him which is just like I don't care who's right or wrong you can't beat up my friend in a wheelchair dude so that guy's brother is there and he's crazy too so he like grabs him and we like spill out into the street and it was honestly like a uh in a cartoon when you're just rolling and there's smoke and there's like arms and legs coming out of it just like a melee you know so we're i mean it's probably like five on one but nobody we're all drunk nobody knows what's going on it was day drinking. So it's like the middle of the afternoon. And when like the smoke clears, I'm like,

I'm like wrestling and shit. And my buddy had me in a headlock. Like we, we were, it was such, and I was like, I was like, dude, it's me. Get off of me. Get off of me. But that was like right after one of my nine shoulder surgeries. And I remember thinking like, you can never do this again. You can now, I was like, wrote like falling on the street. My arm, you know, I was like, do not ever do this again. Like now from now on, I have to let my, my friend in a wheelchair get beat up. I just cannot be doing this anymore. Dude, I think you should have done that immediately.

If you're, if you're if you're getting to getting upset with people to the point where they're gonna fight you then you're gonna be like so like just my like just just go about your day like it's whether you're in a wheelchair or not it's really easy to not get people so mad they want to fight you like i do it every single day every fucking minute of every day for the past like 20 years yeah it's it's very very that situation i'd be like i mean come on man this i'm totally with you on that but i do believe we disagree on one story uh the virgil abloh donation story that's going viral if you don't know uh virgil he is the head designer for Louis Vuitton. He designs Nike sneakers called Off-White,

which are like one of the biggest sneaker things of the past, you know, five, whatever, ten years. Big time Kanye's boy. Yeah, Kanye's friend. You know, he was a streetwear guy who kind of went legit with Louis Vuitton. So in the streetwear world, the sneaker world, you know the name Virgil. If you wear off-whites, you certainly know him. The rest of the people –

He's going to perform at Coachella this year. Oh, yeah? Was he a DJ first or was he like one of those guys who's like, I'll DJ now too? I think he's a DJ first because I remember when the Coachella set list was – or whatever you call it – was released, I was like, what the fuck is Virgil going to do? Like, just show sneakers? And I ended up deleting that tweet because so many people were like, uh, you deleted a tweet?

And, like, I don't care that I didn't know Virgil was a DJ. I just don't want my mentions to be 50,000 people who think they're the smartest person alive because they knew that. So I just deleted it. But it was, yeah, people were very upset that I didn't know Virgil was a DJ. Yeah, I mean, I feel like the people who know him and like him it's kanye yes they're very similar to kanye fans who are just like you know he's on this pedestal and could do no wrong anyway he donated to the minnesota freedom fund and he posted about it on instagram and he donated 50 And he said he's crazy inspired.

And he put up 50 bucks. Now, there's one angle, I think, that I can understand this. And you said that you're on his side. So I want to see if this is right. I don't know the full story. I just I can see how he might have had a misstep. OK, so tell me what you're thinking. I want to see if we're on the same page.

So there were a lot of celebrities quote tweeting one original person and being like matched match matched match match and i followed that rabbit hole it was a lot of clicks it was too many clicks it was like pulling a fucking magician's ribbon out and i was i did i went from ben schwartz to seth rogan then it's like three more people i didn't, and then I just kind of stopped because I was like, I don't know what's going on. That was the one? Yeah. So what they were all matching was $50. $50. By the way, I matched it, and I didn't quote tweet it

because I thought it was too low to be like matched. Okay, so there's two things going on in my mind. One, you can donate $1. You can donate $1 million. When you put it out there publicly, you are now putting it out to public scrutiny. Because usually I'm on the opposite side of this. When Darren Revell gave shit to Jeff Bezos for donating $100 million because it's not enough of his net worth, I went off. Because I do believe that when you donate money, there is a threshold. Like I'm not going to donation shame you

if you donate enough to make a big difference. If you're crazy rich, you should be making a pretty big impact. And then from there, I'm not going to split hairs. If you donate a million, it doesn't matter what your net worth is because a million dollars is going to change that charity forever. Chrissy Teigen put up $100,000 to the Freedom Fund the other day. That's going to bail a lot of fucking people out. $200,000. $200,000.

That's right, because she got cocky and said, fuck it, another $100,000. They're actually looters. She's like, oh yeah, good point. $200,000. $200,000. I love her. I love that shit. And I'm not going to go look up her net worth and compare

because $200,000 is a lot no matter what. So at some point, I don't know what the number is. I would probably say like, I don't know. I got like $10,000. I'm not going to like, I'm not going to say shit, you know. But two things with Virgil. One, 50, it's just too low. It's just not enough money. If John john finalberg can sit at home and be like this ain't enough for me to brag then uh it's not enough for you to brag and the amount of people at barstool were donating 50 100 205 like regular people are donating more than that because that's the other thing is i always say until you donate more than that person you should shut the fuck up well a lot more people are donating 50 plus but the i i think

and this is this is just like i'm playing devil's advocate here i'm not super passionate about this or whatever um i would think that first of all virgil doesn't get the internet enough so he didn't even realize like you know he's like a creative like not an internet creative he's a he's a fucking uh a creative of things you can touch yeah and so he probably spent a lot of time you know so he probably didn't even understand that like money shaming was a thing right and i think that he was i i feel like he was not trying to flex or being like i was inspired by like everyone who's matching and i have no reason to believe this i'm just thinking on how someone i totally get that i could see a scenario where it's like, I'm going to do what the people are doing.

Everybody is doing 50 bucks. I'm going to do 50 bucks. I would just say, from my point of view, like I had a deal with Tyler for our beer pong game. And I put up more just because I make more. You know what I mean? Like that went through my mind immediately. Like if you're going to do this right

and you make a little bit more money, you should probably donate more. But the main thing with Virgil for me is he has made his entire existence on the affluent and the rich and overcharging for like basic clothes. Like he, his whole, his whole existence is being like elitist really. So then if you're going to be dabble in the elite world you got to know how to like do it charity wise as well and it's more than 50 i'm not saying you gotta do a million but if you're gonna if you're gonna talk about it because

also i could be a millionaire and want to donate to a cause but if i don't fully believe in it like like the the bail fund is precarious for me. Cause I'm like, well, who's that going to? Is it going to someone who was peaceful or it's going to someone who was a fucking asshole. So I'm not going to put up like a zillion dollars. That'd be fine. You can, you, everyone has every right to donate how much they want to each cause, but you can't, you can't be like, I was so inspired. I donated $50. I said, Ellie Schmidt donated $50 and you know what she eats for dinner? Lunchables. Okay. So I mean, it's, it's, that's the stuff I think we can comment on because that's more just kind of like PR and like internet shit. Uh, but I'm not here to, you know, $50, anybody donating money to the cause is good. Uh, but from a PR point of view and an internet point of view, yikes, brother. Let's do our top five. So we're going to do our voicemails. And what's the deal with interviews today? Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham, the literal puppet master who is worth so much

goddamn money being a ventriloquist comedian, who I think is kind of a polarizing figure in the comedy. I know he was a polarizing figure in the comedy industry, and we talk about it a little bit. But after you talk to him, it's like, he's a cool dude. He just likes puppets, which is weird. I very much enjoy Jeff Dunham. I like Jeff Dunham a lot. I went into it kind of being like, this might be weird. I don't know what his deal is.

Really good guy. And, you know, why? Because he owns it. He's just like, I know this is a little bit quirky. I know I'm kind of a – I was a weird kid and and then he didn't say this but i'll tell you uh he made like 180 million dollars doing it so don't hate the fucking player he made what now yeah oh let me let me i i know during the interview you're like you're like jeff i'm looking at your net worth right now you can go go outside and skateboard. But I don't – you never said what it was.

$140 million. Oh, my. Yeah, I didn't want to be that, like, put him on the spot by dropping the number. But I Googled it, and I was like, I don't care what this fucking guy does. If you make $140 million, suck my dick. Like, you're going to hate on Jeff Dunham? You can blow me, man. He makes anywhere from $15 to $30 per year. That's big money, dude. Big, big, big money.

Dude, that's first team NBA money. Yeah, that's crazy, man. So, fucking think before you knock on my dude, Jeff. So, that interview at the back end. Let's do our top fives right now, though. Brought to you by Omaha Steaks. It's Omaha season. And this is a special one for Father's Day. Because your dad needs to get out of the house so fucking bad right now. Just give him some steaks to grill. Your father will be on the grill for breakfast,

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The caramel apple tartlets. Hey, my daughter's in you cook up the apple tartlets like the good little boy you are the caramel apple tartlets hey my daughter's in there cooking up the tartlets no it's john and kevin uh that's what you get for free though what you get on top of it is you're gonna get the burgers frank sausages uh the premium poultry and pork omaha butchers are chopping everything up and sealing it for freshness so it gets delivered right to you and you can have yourself a big fat meal. Go to omahasteaks.com type KFC in the search bar because it is Father's Day and we're talking about grilling and eating. There was a big point of contention over the weekend at Barstool before we broke our silence. Everyone was just talking about ice cream because there was a debate amongst the big boys at Barstool,

what is the best ice cream from the ice cream truck? And there's a lot of different ways you can go. Fights, if you actually want to look at, there's like a tweet. It's on the blog, too. That kind of has the whole map if you need to, you know, remember exactly what's at the ice cream truck. But the ice cream truck, by the the way is back in my town i thought that was kind of a weird move i feel like that's just like a traveling truck of germs no it's like that's the last thing i think we thought about here is a

truck where everyone runs up to it touches it and then it keeps driving around like that's the way to fucking that's the way to spread this shit so uh the ice cream truck is i mean it's one of the staples of everyone's childhood the music the choices all that shit um let's see you want to who goes first i forget i think it's i think it's on me uh so i will go first here. Now this one, I'm not going to pick my favorite first because I think that my favorite is actually a sleeper pick. So I'm going to try to go just a heavy hitter here. I think this is a big-time favorite

and probably a solid number one overall pick. I don't think I'm reaching here. I'm just going with the Chipwitch. The Chipwitch. What, are you surprised? Okay, well, that's going to probably be your pick then. But the Chipwitch to me. Also, by the way, when you're at the ice cream truck,

I feel like me and you are going to both have our own, like, top fives here. Like, we're going to be perfectly satisfied. Because I feel like you're more of like a ice pop guy and like like like uh fruity and like sadly you know like candy i do everything it's sugar if it's i'm in on that's true you do everything but i like chocolate and i like ice cream more than ice pops um and to me the chip which is i mean it's cookie it's ice cream it's sandwich it's like a goddamn meal so chip which number one overall firecracker yeah well that was i mean that was yeah that i thought for sure it's firecracker firecracker one it's like it was a great it's a

great snack and then it's also got great branding and then the branding has has been uh well i don't know if that's great branding anymore yeah not anymore you're right you're right they had a good run they had a great run for like 100 years now it's like uh fuck this and then and then i honestly don't brand it as america anymore and that's not a political stance that's a Kate Upton stance that she she owns it now that is true I like I like to think that that uh her and Verlander got even crazier with those firecrackers when it was all said and done uh I'm with you like we're doing two different things in my mind here like is it what I want to eat the most or when I think of the of the ice cream truck I think of the, of the

ice cream truck, I think of the firecracker. So I totally understand that being the number one overall pick. But if you ask me, do I want a firecracker or a chip, which I would pick chip, which so it's like thinking with my head versus thinking with my heart. Uh, that would have been my other pick though. So let me go. Um, number two, I think I'm going with see i'm so plain that i don't know i feel like i might get shamed for some of my choices here um is it crazy for me to just go with the good old-fashioned ice cream sandwich wait what's the difference between ice cream sandwich and a chip which well you're right i mean the chip which has a cookie top right and. And this ice cream sandwich has like – it's like an Oreo. It has like a brown, like a black chocolatey thing.

Like the soft one or like Oreo? No, I like the soft one. I like, you know – Oh, my God. You must take it because it's so bad. What a stupid answer. I don't even eat those things when they're in the freezer. Let me tell you what just happened.

That was what I was saying that like I'm going to pick – my favorite thing is just like an ice cream sandwich. I probably could have taken that with my fifth pick because you're not going to touch it. But I also panicked a little bit and I just went with it because I got overwhelmed. I looked at the Ninja Turtle and I looked at Sonic the Hedgehog and I was like, ah, ice cream sandwich. But I'm happy with it because I want to make sure I have it because I love – you know what the best part about ice cream sandwiches?

You can have them in your own fucking freezer. I feel like a lot of these things are ice cream truck ones and if you have them at home it's kind of weird i can eat the ice cream sandwich fucking everywhere yeah you can have them in your freezer and they fucking sit there for years because no one likes them because they stink you are a fucking asshole next number two i'm going off brand. This isn't on the chart we have, but the Choco Taco. Choco Taco is delicious. And it's just cool. It's fun when you make, you know, it's like, ah, it's a taco, but it's not. You know what I mean?

It feels like you're eating something special. The waffle cone taco is just like, you don't get a lot of waffle cones out these days. And when you get when you come across a waffle cone you gotta eat it let me let me see because you're right this this this uh this picture doesn't have everything on there uh oh and by the way let me just say if we're talking about just things to buy from the ice cream truck, my number one overall pick is smoke bombs. Did you guys know that? You know, like, number one, smoke bombs.

Number two, drugs. Like, those are the things that I think you're really buying from the ice cream man. But we're keeping it to just ice cream. I used to love smoke bombs when I was a kid. Like, give me that Eclair and give me some fucking bombs. Oh, that was the best. I'm sure you get in. Dude, we had so much trouble with you get in. Stink bombs. I had like the, which were the, I remember like probably the loud,

the hardest one of my aunts ever yelled at me. Maybe the only time she ever yelled at me. Like I went to like their, they were renting a house in Westport and it was like on the beach and it was like a nice house they were renting. And like, it was their last day there. So the owner was coming home that day and i had like three stink bombs and just fucking dropped those suckers and it was i kicked out of the house i was like six it was just like yeah from home six years old just had to go wander the beach until the snow went away. Alright,

my number three pick. It's a great value pick. I don't think I ever have to worry about this with you because I don't think you were hardcore into it, but the WWF superstars ice pops, ice cream bars. They have your favorite character on the front.

I mean, at that age when you're watching Hulk Hogan. You can pick three ice cream bars they have your your favorite character on on the front uh i mean you know at that age when you're watching hulk hogan you get three ice cream sandwiches just presented differently well shut the fuck up john i don't know what you want me to tell you i like what i like that's what they have like the white thing right and it's almost like chocolate like burned into it kind of deal yep yep yep yep that's that's that's it and you know what it's also it's about the fucking present presentation okay it's not just about what the ingredients are if you put a goddamn superstar from the wwf on the side i don't care if it looks exactly and tastes exactly like the ice cream sandwich that's what's good it's ice cream it's all ice cream john don't you shame me what's your pick idiot

uh number three is i forget what these are called but it's like the strawberry cookie thing where it's like it's not it's not an eclair i forget what they call them is it um what do you mean cookie it's like cookie crud uh Like there's crumbles on the side? There's crumble, yeah. Yeah, no, that is the eclair. That's an eclair? I think so. Because, well, like, there's multiple ones, right? There's the almond crunch one, which is like an almond eclair, right? Yeah, I'm going to hold it up to this.

So yours is like the strawberry shortcake. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yes, I think – I know what you're talking about but i would call that an eclair yes okay strawberry eclair for sure i i would go with the toasted almond if i were you for the eclair but um you know it's okay to be an idiot it's fine um boom flintstones push pop you dumb fucking asshole that is so goddamn good and so much fucking fun. You'll push it up, and it's like a whole thing.

It's sherbet, so you can fuck off with the whole, all I'm picking is ice cream sandwiches. The orange, to me, is the best. It's like that creamsicle, and it's got Fred Flintstone on the side. Fuck you, Feidelberg. I'm going for the dum-dums. Is that what they're called? Like the dum-dums? No.

I thought it was a lollipop. Yeah, it is. You're right. It's basically an ice cream cone. Drumstick. Drumstick. Drum-dums. Yeah. Fuck. That was going to be my last pick. That's a great one. There is something about, I think they're just, it's kind of,

it's the same like waffle cone type texture, the cone that the Choco Taco is. And there's something about the cones. I think they're just stale. Yeah. They've been sitting around forever in your freezer. Yes. That's what it is.

There are some, it's like a cold steak in the morning where you just kind of – it's better that way. It's just better. A stale cone is better than a cone because it's like chewy. It's not like – it doesn't break apart. It doesn't crunch. You have to like pull it, like rip it. It's like a cold steak.

It really is like a cold steak. You got to like – that's a great call. There are some things that are just better when they're worse for some reason. That's it. Okay. Last pick here. I am torn because part of me wants to pick something that I do not like. I would never eat it myself, but i think it's so cool and i think if i were to be presenting

my list as such it would be someone you know so people like this it's a great pick but i don't eat it and i feel like there's there's something that i really i don't know i want to know what it is i think you got to stay true to your heart but i do want to know what it is. I think you got to stay true to your heart, but I do want to know what it is. I think I'm not going to stay true to my heart. I think I'm going to branch off here because I've got the three that I really like to eat. And when I close my eyes and think of the ice cream truck, right next to the firecracker is this thing. I'm going to go with it.

The bubble play. The baseball mitt with the gum baseball in the middle. The cherry ice cream is terrible, but that is a staple of the ice cream truck go-tos. It's a staple of the ice cream truck, but it stinks. Terrible. So bad. And you know what? I think I got it once and was like like i don't know why you guys are all

eating this it's a whole fucking thing of cherry which is gross and then a stale gumball in the middle yeah it's like here's you know what you know what that thing is that it's like here's frozen cough medicine in a rock yes yes yes but when you're a kid and you're like playing little league and then there's like oh it's a baseball ice cream. Yeah, I probably got it once and I was like, well, check that off my list. Never going to fucking do it again. But I feel like it's a true – like, again, when I think of ice cream truck ice creams, that pops up. There's got to be a version that's more like a chocolate and vanilla ice cream version of that, right? I guarantee they made it into different forms.

If they haven't, they're silly. I think it's – that's smart. That would work better. Yeah. All right. So I'm officially going with that. What's the last pick for you? Italian ice.

Love an Italian ice. Eat it with that little wooden spoon. So good. So good. That was my other pick is like – what flavor though? Lemon. I'm a straight lemon guy. Have to.

Have to. Maybe watermelon, but lemon ice. Watermelon flavored things, boo. Banana flavored things, boo. How have we not perfected those things? Because guess what? They're my two favorite fruits. It's just they're terrible.

They don't translate to artificial flavoring. Banana is just absolutely vile. I'm with you on that. I also, I don't know. There's nothing more true for some reason than it tastes better with the wooden spoon. Like if you eat an Italian ice with like a metal spoon from your house, trash. It's actually harder. Yeah, it's harder.

It starts spinning and stuff. It spins and it kind of like fractures whereas the wooden spoon it just like mounts up it's like you're shoveling snow and you just have like a shovel in your mouth that fuck i should have gone with that man i don't know why there's that time when it gets to that ball what there is that time when it gets that ball and you just got to start stabbing at it did you ever were you one of those kids who flipped it over? Flipped it over? Like, you can kind of, like, the whole thing of ice just kind of sits in the tub. And because, like, the sugar and shit kind of, like, falls to the bottom, if you flip it over, like, the bottom is very, like, syrupy and ice creamy.

Not ice creamy, but, like, sugary and, like, gooey. And you can eat that way. They flip it over onto a plate? No, well, I don't know really how they – I mean, you can kind flip it over onto a plate no well i don't know really how they i mean you can kind of if you're really like oh no that's too much way too much work for me but i remember kids doing that and i was like that's that's way too hard fuck i should go with that you know what people are gonna be mad at because that's that's it right those are top 10 um i was also considering like the snickers frozen bar like the ice cream like the the candy

bars that are turned into ice cream. That's a great one. That's really good. That's like almost like too mainstream, if you will, where you could buy that anywhere. Yeah. Well, what I actually, when I, this is, and the reason why I picked the bubble play was cause I like, it's stereotypical to the ice cream truck for me. Those like Twix, Snickers, Milky Way frozen. I think of the bodega freezer. You slide it open,

you pick them up out of there. So maybe we'll do that next, top five bodega treats or whatever. So let us know. Everybody else at Barstow, all the fat guys weighed in. So big time ice cream debates. Let us know who won the top five today. And let's get into our voicemails today. They're brought to you by Rad Power Bikes. Electric bikes are the wave of the future, especially for the lazy man like me. I'm not trying to pedal. You can pedal on these bikes if you want, but why would you? You know, it's like, what, do you want to ride a horse? No, you drive a car. You want to pedal a bike? No, you get an electric one. Join us in the future. Join us in the modern day. The e-bikes are the

new wave, the new revolution, and Rad Power Bikes are the best brand out there. Why? Because they're some of the best made and also the most affordable. You can use them to commute to work. You can use them to just go for a drive. I mean, the amount of people right now, Dana B just drove cups and ping pong balls up to my house. I was going to order them, but I was like, I don't know if they're going to get here in time. I drove to a couple of spots around that I thought I could buy them. I couldn't. And he was like, I'll just bring it to you. I was like, word. Okay. And when he got here, first of all, he pulled up in an F one 50, like he's a fucking, uh, like NASCAR guy. And, uh, he was just like, I just love going for a drive. It's fine. I'll drive. He was like, he just drove around to everybody,

which is nothing is more true than that right now if you're trapped inside. So imagine hopping on a bike and cruising. Wind's in your hair, sun's on your face, and you get outside of the house for a little bit. If you want to get a Rad Power bike, first of all, they start at $1,200, where most other ones are in the $3,000 range. And right now, if you text sports to 64,000, you'll get a free gift up to $100 in value. And if you need to finance it, you'll get 0% APR plus free shipping,

which is a big deal when you're getting like a monster bike sent to you. So text sports to 64,000, get your Rad Power bike, get $100 in value of a free gift, 0% APR and free shipping. That's sports to64,000. Get your Rad Power bike. Get $100 in value of a free gift, 0% APR, and free shipping. That's sports to $64,000. What's up, KFC Fight Super Producer DC? I got a bit of a question for you guys. Which would you say is more embarrassing, hyping up a movie that you think is so funny

and then watching it with someone and having them not laugh even once? Or hyping up a song that you've loved your entire life only to have the person just kind of shrug their shoulders and say it wasn't anything special? Personally, I'd go with the song because I feel like the three and a half minutes of listening to that song

is longer than any two-hour movie you could throw on. And I could always just laugh at the movie. But let me know what you think. This question, I want to just end the show. This question makes me so uncomfortable because I think this is two of the worst things in the world. In the world. I hate both of these, but I think this guy's dead wrong. I think that movies, there's so many songs.

And you can like a song, not like a song. And you listen to like a thousand others. When you say that this is one of my favorite movies, you're talking about like a short list and things that you don't co-sign as often. I think people not finding, especially a funny movie. I think that hurts more. If you don't like a drama, it's like whatever. If I tell you something's really funny and you don't laugh, in general, movies, videos, internet shit, stand-up comedy, and you're watching it with them. When you're doing the whole like you're looking at them, looking at the screen, like the funny part's coming, and then they don't react. Oh, I want to die. I want to crawl in a hole. It's a no-brainer.

That's it. The amount of stress you endure watching a movie with someone while they're like kind of not paying attention and and the uh responsibility you take on by having to be like hey it's coming hey it's coming yeah there's like oh okay whatever it's like no put the phone down stop it but the main reason that it's the answer is a no-brainer movie is worse is because if they don't like one of your favorite movies what they're saying really and maybe not consciously is they don't like you yes guess what a significant part of my personality has been maybe not based on the movie but like i was young and i thought that character was cool so So I wanted to be like that character. And then therefore for the last 20 years,

part of me has been trying to be like that guy. And you don't like him. Music is like these combinations of sounds are pleasing to my ears and it's not pleasing to your ears. Also, there's so many different genres where it's like I like rap music. And if I recommend a rap song to you, and you recommend a country song to me, it's just not gonna work but movies is something i feel like it's supposed to be a little more universal especially with humor and and yeah it's

like you this is my personality you don't like my personality right it's like like when i say significant portion i mean a legitimate significant maybe not right now anymore but like at a time in my life there was like where i was just trying to be that guy yeah and there's definitely a part of my brain that still thinks like that's who we need to be so like you're just you're just politely saying or maybe impolitely saying i don't care for the person you are that's 100 spot on and i i don't even i don't like if i recommend you a movie you watch it on your own and you don't like it if i have to watch it with you like our friendship is probably over like if you didn't laugh at that scene or you don't think that guy's cool i'm turning the movie off and we're never talking again fuck you the music thing just reminded me of uh something that happened

yesterday that is like so funny and so bad. It's not bad. But like, never mind. We're just cutting this out. Next voicemail. But I'll tell you. I'll tell you. This is getting cut.

During dinner last night. You tell me. If you think it's funny, we should share it. My mom played a protest playlist. Continue. Like, give me an example i don't even know it was like there was some kendrick i didn't like listen to the lyrics it was just kind of on the back kendrick lamar kendrick lamar yeah that then it's okay your mom poly fights put kendrick lamar on she put on a protest playlist well like she didn't make it. She like searched it or?

Yeah, she Googled like protest playlist. It was like, I mean, it was, there was, there was definitely some Bob Dylan. I want to say there's something Jim Morrison.

No, that's funny. That's funny. And, and that is, like she's trying, you know, she's like,

like that was her way. She's not going to get out on the front lines, but she's like, all right, let's listen to the protest. Yeah. I fucking love polly so god damn much the protest playlist were you guys gonna tell her that yeah yeah yeah i think you just did i think we just did that leave like that like even like the concern like should we say it stuff

that's like what people it is, like – That's, like, what people in the fucking country are saying, right? Like, can I say this? Should I do that? It's relatable. The fuck? It was her – it was very cute. It was, like, it was her form of solidarity, I guess.

Right. Like I said, she's not going to go fucking take tear gas to the face, but she's thinking about it. She's with you. Now, of course, there are going to be people who are like, that's, you now of course there are gonna be people who are like that's you know that's not support but fuck off like you know she couldn't say hey this isn't good so it was just at dinner we were eating and it was just like in the background kendall gamar i forget who else it was i wonder i bet it was just like the first google search i wonder if they they can – it was on Stronos.

I am totally sure it just like pops up. I don't think she dug deep for this one. That's so fucking funny. I love it. I love it too. I think it's cute. It's like, you know, her way. Because what else is a, you know,

a mom of 1,000 kids going to do at this age in her life? Like she not she's not you know uh on the front lines she's just listening to kendrick's to pimp and butterfly whatever no big deal uh i can't see this one the first one that popped up on five i don't think was it but the uh one song on this that's funny is born in the usa which like is no yeah no it is a protest song oh right right right everybody like people who think it's about america it's like, no, fuck America. Yeah, exactly. Next up. What is it?

It's protesting how we treated Vietnam's veterans when they came back, I think, right? Yep. KFC, fight, Super Producer DC I was just wondering Would you rather have all of the fingers On each of your hands replaced with Pens and pencils Or have an 8 foot tall Chain link fence constantly Around your house

So every time you want to leave or come back home You gotta climb over this 8 foot tall chain link fence Viva This is some old school KFC radio shit. Great question. It's a great question, but I have an easy answer, I think. I don't know. I mean, one, it's a classic case of like one is going to be a problem very

inoften, but a big problem versus one is like an absolute disaster all the time i mean you can't use a phone yeah yeah you can't use a phone obviously the easy answer is the fence okay because i mean the problem is it's an age thing too it's like if i put a fence around my parents house like they're not getting in or out right right and and it's not just an age thing it's also a physical fitness thing you know there's you're 300 pounds that fan's probably an option for you that's the problem i mean i'm i'm i'm not overweight um but i know i'm a bag of shit it might be a problem for me right now like it's definitely a problem for me right now i'll get it done but i'll be like this was a fucking catastrophe catastrophe. I have, I have a two story. I have to walk up about 30 steps to get to my apartment.

And I just did it a minute ago before we started. And I had to wait to open up the zoom. Cause I was gassed, gassed. So we're getting to a breaking point where like, I got to get on my Corey G cause I can't even get into my apartment. If I had to fucking scale fence every time now, eight feet, eight feet is like your average ceiling, right? I think it's feelings like seven feet. Maybe you had another foot. Um, you know, that's not crazy,

but I just think about like when you're tired or hungover or it's cold or whatever, you don't want that, but you just can't, I mean, you can't have sex. You can't use a phone. just can't i mean you can't have sex you can't use a phone you can't eat your food i mean you have to have hands you basically are effectively saying do you not want hands and fingers right that's it and like if you if you made the fence like 30 feet maybe now we start thinking but eight feet isn't big enough for me eight feet would be fun eight feet like i'd have a good time inviting people over and just watching them having to climb my back never mind go home and just watch them climbing again that was that's like what eight feet is eight feet's not that big that's what i would do too by the way and quarantine has proved this for all of us if you really need to you don't have to leave your house anymore so i feel like i have i have like a uh you know

it's like having a moat it's like i have protection around my house and i don't ever leave it so no one's coming to fucking destroy my car in my driveway with an eight foot fence around it ain't happening what if i told you your fingers are going to be pencils and thumb and and whatever but your thumbs are thumbs so you still could like text and use your phone if you needed to nah nah i do fuck pens and pencils you ever use those good thing if those aren't i haven't picked up a pen or a pencil in like six months yeah like what what about that when i'm i'm old and gray and i have to explain to my grandkids what my fingers

even are right like there was there was a time back in the you know 1997 that we used to write with these things the only time if I'm not signing a receipt, it's been like a solid six months since I picked up a pen to write a note or anything like that. So yeah, final answer, eight foot fence. Let's get into our last voicemail. Last voicemail is brought to you by Tommy John. Tommy John. I think I'm wearing Tommy John boxers right now. Yes, sir.

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uh, you're doing like four or five episodes of sunny extra episodes. I was never going to get that. I was not, I started thinking it was just like, John, relax. You, you're relax you you just sit down it's like the protest just shut the fuck up all right you don't know what you're talking about uh so you're gonna save time you don't have to do the whole like snake your dick out you just go pull it in and out right out of the top they're also comfortable the waistband is soft. The legs don't ride up. It's just high-quality, high-engineered boxers. They also have comfortable thongs for girls. They've got lounge shirts and pants.

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Father's Day deliveries, you got to get it now. Do it now, actually. It's a little bit early, but because you never know with shipping right now, with quarantine and Corona. So order your dad some shit right now so you don't jib him. Because Father's Day, I was thinking about when we did top five holidays, didn't even cross my mind as a father to pick Father's Day. That's how shitty Father's Day is. So make it a good one for your dad get him some comfortable clothes and uh go to tommyjohn.com slash payfc for 25 off last one let's go nick hey guys first time long time so i have a i'm having a dilemma um i was diagnosed with persistent genital arousal disorder. And I know that sounds like it's totally fucking awesome.

And sometimes it is. And sometimes I want to punch everyone in the face. Um, but it's worse than just being like addicted to sex because I can orgasm and it doesn't fix it. Like it just never stops. Like I just am horny all the time. I want to fuck everyone. And it's like, there's a different version of me that comes out. It has been almost a year that I've been dealing with this and it's it's a nightmare but it's also really fun so recently I was all quarantined everything like that um I don't have a boyfriend I'm single so I've been trying to find more than just masturbating And I traveled a distance to hook up with someone. It sucked.

It sucked. That doesn't matter, I guess. But I want to know, A, I know that my whole situation is a real one-off. But everyone is horny all the time. But me, I'm just a different version of that. I have two questions. First question is, how far have you driven for sex? Two, if you know the sex is going to be great great how far are you willing to travel um because i don't i just need to know this is i feel like i'm going so much here for those to end up being the questions

those are questions we've done before and we didn't need someone to call up with some made up made up disease about how their pussy wants to get fucked all the time persistent genital arousal disease is not real, especially when you tell me it just started a year ago. What, your pussy caught it? Is it contagious in just a year it developed? No, you just want to get fucked all the time. You want to be slutty.

It's not easy to do that. You get judged and you're trying to come up with a fucking disease. And some doctor out there has made up a disease for people like you to say, oh, it's not that I'm a slut. It's that my pussy's persistently aroused. Get the fuck out of here, right? This is not real. I think it's real. For sure. Yeah. Like it's like a, it's like a fucking, what do you call it? Pre-epism? Pre-epasm? Yeah. How did that that that's when your dick is just like constantly hard right

it was hard the whole time but is that because of like viagra induced or something or like you could just like have natural boners because like if you take a bunch of viagra and your dick's super hard that's i don't think that's a disease i think that like you took something this is just like i'm regular i'm natural and i go down i know what happens with one spider bite i forget what it is, but there's a spider that if it bites you, you get pre-aprism or pre-aprasm or whatever it's called. I think that's a real bad one. I think if that spider bites you, you get pre-aprasm, you poop yourself, and you die,

which is a tough way for someone to find you because there's no way they're going to be like, I bet he got bit by a spider. There's no way your friends think that. Your dying act is like writing a letter that says, I swear to God, I got bit by a spider. And they're like, bullshit, dude. Yeah, fucking right, dude.

I mean, I'm not going to say it's fake in the sense like, I'm Googling this and it says shit like, you can't, like you come and you just you still feel like your desire and like all that shit but I think it's in your head I think something's going on but I think you're like doing it to yourself I don't think it's like physiological I think that you've just convinced yourself of this shit I don't I don't buy if your dick if you have if it's obvious if like your dick is hard and it can't go down or if your vagina is just like stopping wet all it's fine but i i think what you just described um is uh where it's like you know

you're horny all the time and when you have an orgasm it doesn't really mean anything and you're just still whatever you you have a penis like congratulations for congratulations for a guy. I was going to say, welcome to our world. Like, I just, they also call it restless genital syndrome. That's so much better. That's so much better. Restless genital syndrome.

I, I don't know if I buy this. I mean, to answer your question, we've done this before. I don't think either of us are willing to drive too far i would say i've driven to jersey and that's that's the extent i would go i don't even there's not even one that like sticks out like i drove to blank

there's like i've never driven far enough for it to even register as a memory for me well i've never i mean i drove to jersey just because like she was injured i was never thinking to myself like i gotta make a pilgrimage to Jersey to have sex. It was just like, she lives in New Jersey, so I'm going to go there. But that's, that's burying the lead or whatever. Like your, your fake pussy disorder is, I don't buy it. And I need, call back and give me some proof. Tell me what the deal is.

What are the doctors saying? I don't think it's something that just develops out of nowhere out of a year i feel like you're gonna we're gonna call her back next tuesday right new ks2 radio callback we're calling off this fucking liar with her overactive pussy uh all right interview time jeff dunham's on the show you know him as the one and only really he's got the market fucking cornered on this one stand-up comedy using uh ventriloquist dummies and uh he's made a boatload of money and uh he's got some good stories for us so jeff don i'm on kfc radio oh i look like i look like crap that's great jeff you look fantastic we all look like shit jeff come on let's go to a different angle there in fact jeff you look so great when I was

I was doing research as I do for interviews and I was I was stunned to find out when you were born like it's like Jeff Jeff like got into ventriloquism in the 70s well great for your age brother well let me show you something stupid hey this is okay so I had one of these when I was a kid and I never learned how to do it. I would only sit on it, but I got it two days ago and I've actually been in my front yard trying to learn. Hold on one second. Hold on.

What do we think it is? Oh, wow. Jeff, the way you pitched that, I didn't know what you were coming back trying out sitting on in the front yard i was never i was never a skate guy i couldn't i couldn't i can't even like put my feet on the on the deck and just push along let alone do any tricks or anything i'm a spaz on that shit right and i had a birthday party when i was like 11 and my mom, it was a skating roller skating birthday party.

And I think I got a concussion. So I'm, I'm, I'm pretty much horrible that kind of stuff. I can ski, but I've always wanted to try it. And so, uh, you know, I got four and a half year old boys right now and twins and we're, you know, they're, we live in a cul-de-sac. And so they're always riding everything everywhere. And I'm always out there having to watch them. And I thought, what the hell I'll spend a little time.

Everyone's picking up a weird hobby. Everyone's trying weird things just to break bones. Right. I almost got that concussion when I was a kid. I've been chasing that high ever since. Well, that's what's driving me nuts when I got friends who go, I'm so bored, there's nothing to do.

I'm like, are you crazy? It's like, aren't there a handful of things that you've said for the last however many years that I don't have time because I'm too busy? Well, guess what? No excuses left, man. I always said those things knowing I had the safety net of actually having shit to do. So I could just present myself as someone more interesting with greater aspirations. And it turns out that when those things go i'm i'm gone still i always said i i thrive in prison because i just do push-ups and

get jacked this is gonna call bullshit on me yeah you're not doing that you're not reading you're not doing you're sitting around yeah when this started i was gonna learn the ukulele and how to speak spanish i don't have either of those that's's really funny. So behind you, we can see all, you know, your famous characters, and it looks like you're quite – Well, the ones behind me are not famous. In fact, I usually crop them out of the shot. These are antique things that go back, I mean, literally like decades. Like except the little guy, that guy right there is my very first one

that I got when I was in the third grade. But these other guys, these are all all ancient like these guys were made that guy was made in 1936 1935 that guy was made by the same guys uh 30 years later in the 60s but um isn't that weird to think the 60s were only 30 years later after the 30s never mind okay some basic math there for you from jack all right i just i don't i don't that's really weird because as a kid in 1968 you don't think that it was only 30 years before that never mind i can tell you no i get what you're saying because when you when someone tells me like 2001 was 20 years ago i'm like no it wasn't yeah that's huge that's huge yeah that's nuts and by the way when all this pandemic started uh i was i was prepared you know why i still had all

my shit from the y2k stuff oh yeah were you one of those guys were you were you in like a bunker for y2k well my dad he started out in about 1998 and he started telling me this is going to be bad and i said oh dad it's not it's not and then he started sending me, this is going to be bad. And I said, Oh, dad, it's not it's not. And then he started sending me articles. And then you get like Wired magazine, where all these nerds who know everything and even if Bill Gates was saying it's not going to be the end of the world, but it's going to be bad. When you got guys like that saying stuff like that. And then all the guys that invented the internet, they were saying this is going to be bad so yeah i started buying supplies i didn't sell the house or dig a bunker but i i you know we live in california so my garage was completely stocked as if we were going to have a giant ass earthquake um so then to make it worse

though i get a like in i think like in september i get a job offer to do, and I only, I only did cruise ships like three times my, during my club years, so I get an offer to do a millennial cruise, take the family, and I'm like, I don't want to be stuck in the middle of the damn ocean on a cruise ship that's getting ready to capsize, because nothing works, so, so we got on the cruise ship, and it's the millennial cruise and then for new year's eve they took all the ships and put them in a wagon wheel configuration and put the the barge with the the the fireworks in the middle and they were going to fire these things off and i'm on deck and i've been watching the news all day long and nothing had been going wrong and it was a little bit of a disappointment.

Yeah, right. I remember that. I remember like looking out the window being like, anything? Anything at all? Like what's going on? Nothing. But then, so midnight was coming around and nothing had gone wrong. You know, we're the last to find anything out because, you know, the international

dateline isn't too far to the west. So just waiting for stuff to happen then midnight comes but right at midnight because of the fireworks they shot off every light on every single boat right at midnight and i'm standing on deck with my dad going this is it it's coming standing there like the father and daughter in deep impact just hugging in front of the wave going out right here that was the worst oh yeah yep yep yep i and you kind of wonder in that situation is that what you would do oh for sure it with with you're talking imminent death if you if it's coming what would you do if you literally see death coming what is what is

your reaction if you're in an airplane and you know it's going down what are you screaming or are you saying this is it i know i'm i'm saying i'm i give up so easily on things it's unbelievable i have a staggering ability to go ah fuck it and i remember i remember reading a poem which was supposed to be really deep when i was younger as a kid about an astronaut who'd been lost in space he'd like been separated from his ship and he's spinning and he's going directly towards an asteroid and he knows he's going to die and it's going to kill him and the in his mind he's wondering am i gonna hit it facing forward like a hero or is it gonna kill me am i gonna have my back to it like a coward and even as like a seven-year-old i was like dude

who cares you're dead good point like who cares what you're doing you're going out man stop stressing out about dying you're dying it's happening yeah well my big conundrum right now is uh i know there's a handful maybe you guys can tell me you keep in touch with the public better than i do but um so there's a take every comedian and like guys like me who have no work right now whatsoever nothing all i've got is my videos and uh um my other videos so it's like there's a couple comics that i know that just go okay i'm just taking the time off i'm not gonna bother people will come back the audience will come back i'm not gonna worry about it i'm just gonna enjoy this time off right versus somebody like me i'm constantly pumping out

content i'm trying to make things interesting, trying to entertain a little bit, A, to entertain a little bit, but also B, I'm not stupid. I want the audience to stay there and I want the tickets to sell when I come back. So I'm like, I've been busting my ass with these videos and building dummies and doing all that crap. And I'm just like, do people appreciate it?

Do they? Yeah, I think so. We've kind of been doing the same thing. We added a couple of new shows to like our lineup. And, you and you know for a while we were doing a nightly game show we do a weekly happy hour show so we're just like adding more and doing more I feel like we're working more than ever and I've gotten enough response from fans being like thanks for all the extra content you know keeping us entertained during quarantine so I bet you know it's like anything else you'll only hear from like the assholes on the internet. No one, you know,

no one's ever nice on the internet. Right. But I think people understand what you're doing. Yeah. All right. If they don't, Jeff, fuck them. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I know, but I could be, I could be learning to skateboard better. Well, I was, I was checking out some on your YouTube. You have some of the videos. And I had no idea.

I was a Jeff Dunham fan when I was younger. I used to watch it with my parents all the time and stuff like that. And I had never had any idea you create these characters. I thought. I built them myself. The only one I didn't build myself was Peanut because he's a soft, like a Muppet character. And he was made by somebody else, an old lady now.

Her name is Verda but she made peanut back in 87 i think i would absolutely guess that a a old woman who makes ventriloquist dummies is named verda that makes perfect sense to me well again i make all the what are called the hard figures meaning they're made out of fiberglass or wood or now i'm printing them on the printing the heads on the 3d printers but i want to show you the new guy because i we're doing a video i'm starting to shoot it this week and by the way i used to have a crew now it's just me i set up a camera i said and by the way do you know i did a research on all the all the i don't know what cameras you guys are using for this right now but i did all the research because i know i'm doing a lot of these interviews a lot of podcasts i wanted it to look as good as possible

i researched every freaking webcam every laptop every every ipad what guess what the best camera is don't want on your laptop yeah i hope it's the one i'm using right now it's the iphone 11 yeah oh yeah that that's true too i've read uh who was it annie leibowitz is she a famous photographer yeah annie leibowitz her second favorite camera is her iphone their first one's like 17 000 and her second favorite is just her iphone the real deal man thing has it has a 12 megapixel on both sides right which is uh which is nuts and then i guess the processor and all that crap but let me show you the new guy so uh uh this guy was built i did it online i built most of them online for the audience i don't know how i don't know why people have so much free time i i do uh um

every friday i would do a um a facebook live or a youtube live and i would set up the camera and my buddy matt who is my photographer and all that stuff, he'd be on the iPad in the shot. And then we would just take questions. And while we take questions, I'd work on the dummy and show people what I was doing. We maintained, I know it's not a lot,

but for, we averaged a 60 to 90 minutes. We averaged like 5,500 people for 90 minutes. What the hell? That's legit. Yeah. I know it's legit, but it's like, man, you got

nothing going on. If you're going to watch a guy paint, paint a doll for an hour and a half. Yo, Bob Ross made a whole career out of it. You kidding me? People love watching people paint. But he had hair and he had sags. I'm not saying, look, I made a happy

little mistake. Happy little accident but anyway this guy does not have a name yet he does have a name but we're i'm having to go through all the legal stuff and hopefully that'll be done by tomorrow to make sure that we can use it and he doesn't he doesn't have a voice yet but again we're making i'm making the video and he'll debut hopefully the video will be done on friday maybe saturday but he's the he's a millennial guy he's a uh he's an internet troll. He's everything we have learned to hate.

All right. So you know, I bet he's going to look like me and I'm going to be offended. So here he is right here. Pretty right. Pretty right. Donna looks like Feilberg. There he is. Yeah.

Wow. And then the best part that I've never done with a dummy is he can do this now. Ah, nice, nice. Very cool. He's Dr. Henley. This is me, and I will be filing a lawsuit. Can we just name him? Can you call him Feidelberg?

Because it would work. I think the name that we've come up with, a watcher actually came up with the name, and we're giving the guy credit tomorrow or on Friday when we do the video. Very cool. But the name that they came up with is pretty great. Awesome, man. I mean, when you get a new character, are you like – is that like your version of – is that like your Super Bowl?

Is that like you're excited to do a whole new voice and a whole new routine yeah it's it's a it's a birthing process because my main characters that have been around forever uh peanut walter jose jalapeno akhmed the dead terrace bubba jay peanut and walter have been around since the mid-80s and so i know those guys really well and so you're crazy you And so you're a crazy person. It's like an actor. You have to know that character. You have to really get inside their head. And so for me to carry on a conversation with myself and to become another person and then be me back and forth,

I have to know what those guys are going to say in any given situation. So I do get to know those personalities and they develop over years and years and years. And so to come up with a new guy and for him instantly to be alive and, and, and full of depth and a real character that, that takes a while. So no, it's a pain in the ass. I don't like it. I always ask my friends who are bilingual. I have one, but if I say friends, like I asked him, what language you thinking, do you say friends. Like, I ask, like, what language are you thinking?

Do you ever think in different characters where, like, you'll react as Walter or Bubba J or something? During my first marriage, I thought a lot like Ahmed. No, no, I'm not, you know, there's stories about ventriloquists that are actually freaking nuts that you know you hear about stories about them in the green room of the comedy club screaming at themselves and having arguments in the hotel rooms i i don't have any colorful great stories like that i've never been really freaked out the only time i was really freaked out i remember i was driving in college i had a big giant my big giant family car my parents gave me the dummy was in the trunk or in his trunk in the

back seat and i'm driving along and something happened that i don't know if it was a bump i hit or whatever but the case moved as if the dummy was moving the case and trying to get out that was one of the few times that freaked the living crap out of me but you say you don't have any stories for yourself, but you are, you're a student of the game, if you will. You fell in love with ventriloquism very young. Right. And as I understand it, you found out about the Ventriloquist Association.

Yeah, there was this, this is the sad part. We have a convention every year and, you know, there are a handful of folks that do what i do for a living that make me proud of what i do for a living there's a whole bunch of other people that i go oh man that's what i do for a living that was i was gonna say like do you ever look at some of the other ventriloquists and be like come on dude like you're being weird you're you're living up to the stereotype what are you doing that that's exactly right and we have a convention every year so there's 600 of those people and i won't tell you what percentage are normal but it's a small one

now wait where are you are you normal i i i hope so i think so where does this convention take place like i picture it in a like a great hall like it's like like uh eyes wide shut where like it's i feel like it's like a big shut. I feel like it's a big secret. Because when you throw a name like association on something, I feel like it makes it very... You guys are like the Illuminati, the ventriloquist Freemasons. I feel like it's a secret

passcode or something like that. You know, I wish all those things were true. It's in a small hotel in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky. That's about right. So I was dead on. All right. But, but the reason it's there is because we have the law. It's called the Vent Haven museum.

It's the largest collection of ventriloquist stuff in the world. There's over a thousand dummies in that museum and play bills and photographs going back hundreds of years. We even have a couple of diamonds from the Civil War era. But it's there because the museum sponsors the convention. So I've been there every year except one since 1975. Holy shit. Obviously, I'm one of the guys that give lectures and talks

and that kind of thing now. But you've got to be like the Michael Jordan of this, right? I mean, you're like ventriloquists must see you and be like, oh, my God. I don't think Michael Jordan's a fair way to describe it. I think the disparity between one and two in their profession, the greatest distance between them is Jeff Dunham and whoever number two is. Yeah. Well, you can name a second. There's a debate about Michael Jordan. There's no debate is Jeff Dunham and whoever number two is. Yeah. Well, thanks. You can name a second.

There's a debate about Michael Jordan. There's no debate about Jeff Dunham. Well, thank you. The difference is I try and keep my show adult, meaning I don't – it's the content to me that means everything. I'm not describing gross things and actions and all that, but there's a handful of words in the show, a little bit of profanity here and there, but I do that on purpose to keep the kids away. I don't want to, I don't want the front row

filled with five-year-old kids. So it's an adult audience. And so in the, that ventriloquist convention, there's, believe it or not, ventriloquism is used for a lot of things, including a lot of work in churches. So there's a good number of people who don't appreciate what I do because of the material and the verbiage used. Fuck them. Fuck them, Jeff Dunham. Who uses ventriloquism in churches and what are they doing with it? Yeah, that sounds creepy to me. I don't like that at all.

Like Jesus on the cross? Oh, that's not right. Don't crucify me. So many jokes here. But kids listen to puppets more than they will adults. Oh, I see. I'm thinking during the mass itself. You mean like a Jesus and me type deal.

Okay. Honestly, I was picturing a thinking during the mass itself. You mean like a children's tea type deal. Okay. Honestly, I was picturing a priest and I was like, see, Jeff, I told you it's high society stuff. I get it. Yeah, sure. Oh boy. Yeah, so many jokes and I just can't make them right now. There actually was a ventriloquist that I saw that had made a Jesus puppet and put him on a cross and had him like this and was talking like that. And that was like, dude, if you're not going to hell, I don't know who is. When he's laughing at that stuff, he gives you a seat. Guess who's coming with you? Yeah, I guess so.

But another question I had was when you were so young, you were in seventh grade, I believe, when you really fell in love with ventriloquism. And at what point did you realize, like, oh, not everyone does it? Because it seemed like, I listened to you on Marc Maron, and it seemed like you very quickly fell into ventriloquism. Yeah, I actually started in the third grade and was doing, you know, fairly decently by fourth and fifth grade doing birthday parties. Here, wait a second. Hold on a second. So when I was in the fourth grade or fifth grade, I was doing pretty well doing birthday parties and getting paid for it. This is the actual ad that I made up and rode around and put it in mailboxes on my bicycle. But this is the actual one.

I'm hiding the phone number because it's still my mother's phone number come on that's unbelievable that's five dollars that's crazy that's that's a museum artifact right there that's awesome that's it's still the actual paper too yeah so so as a kid i knew that's what i wanted to do for the rest of my life and and people asked me did you you know did did you get made fun of? And I think what it was, is even the material I chose and wrote or did even in fifth and sixth grade, and on through junior high and high school, I think it was because I was up there making fun of the principal, I was making fun of the teachers, I was making fun of the lunch ladies and the coaches. And so I think there was some level of acceptance there, because I was saying things

that nobody else can say and get away with stuff. And I think it kept me from getting beat up on the playground. I honestly don't even mean it in the making fun of sense. I just mean, like, when did you learn, like, this isn't what everyone does? Like, when I was a kid, I loved playing with Barbie dolls. And I just figured all my friends liked Barbies, too. And then I realized, like, oh, like, other people don't have a high side. You guys are

not that different you're playing with dogs it's all it's all the same childhood like it wasn't i wasn't super embarrassed if i was just like all right man like i like barbies but whatever so you obviously didn't have an older brother i i'm the oldest no yeah so there was nobody telling you this should be gi joe right i had Right. I had some G.I. Joe's. I had everything. I didn't discriminate. I had it all. But just the Barbies I liked the most. Wait a minute.

How did you get Barbies? Did your parents give you Barbies for Christmas? Until one day my dad decided it's enough. It's enough. I don't know if it was for Christmas. I do have a sister who's two years younger than me. So we had similar toys I could kind of take and stuff um but I don't I don't I know my dad wasn't going to toys wrestling

at me I know your dad wasn't either I know your father was not doing that either he came home one day and threw them all away because I was I was a fan of the New York Rangers and we're from Boston and the Rangers won the Stanley Cup and uh he was like mad about that and so he threw away all my Barbie dolls I think I think my mom he asked my mom demanded to know where they were and my dad just said I guess quoting uh Don Corleone he said they sleep with the fishes and then I just wow that's the greatest story ever that you probably shouldn't tell. Yeah, I feel better about myself now. Those were most of my stories.

At least my guys looked like this, and they didn't have long hair and a pink car. Yeah, no, I was cool with it, man. Whatever. I made her play goalie. I had a my-size Barbie. I'd set her up a net and play. I got to be the only person alive to ever use a my size barbie as a goaltender goalie yeah that's pretty great oh well so yeah so i i again i just kept doing it and i i didn't get made fun of and there was like i guess some sort of level of cool and uh you know whatever by high school i was doing uh um doing local regional car commercials on TV with the dummy.

And yeah. So you were a celebrity real, real young. I get, you know, within that tiny fish pond. When would you say in your estimation you like made it? Like what was, what year was like the first special or, or tour that was like, okay, I'm, you know, I I'm pretty wealthy now and like this is going to be my whole life. I mean, I'm sure you already knew it was your life. But when did you know? When I was in college, HBO was was huge in the early 80s.

And there was a show that they did called HBO's Campus Comedy hosted by Joe Piscopo. And we went up to Tufts University and shot this thing. And I did pretty well on that. So that was pretty good. That should have been the moment in time, but it wasn't. The real moment in time, I moved to LA in 88. And by 1990, April of 90, was my first shot on The Tonight Show with Carson.

And that to me, you know, being made fun of, I got more flack as a standup playing comedy clubs from the other standup comics is being a prop act. So there was real, no real acceptance at all because of the, because of the dummies cause they didn't feel like it was, you know, wasn't pure standup comedy. So then to get on the tonight show with Carson and do well and be called to the couch and then I got back for a bunch of other times that was the big stamp of approval so that

was the big moment are you so are is there acceptance now or are there still comics who kind of turn their nose up at this oh I'm sure there's plenty of comics that turn their nose up but but and then you show them your bank account well I, I think what it is, there's got to be a level of respect after X number of years of doing the business that we're doing. And, you know, it's been 12 years now of doing these big arenas and it's been amazing, but it is a business. So just like right now, I would, I would much rather hang it up and go fricking skateboard. But I just think as a business model, you got to keep things out there,

you know, keep people interested. It's, kind of equate it to apple because apple at least when steve job was was around they were constantly coming out with the new coolest thing and they'd come out with things that you didn't even know that you needed until you saw it and that's like how i do without it i have to have it so i i kind of approach it the same way i give the audience what they want but then i throw them something new every once in a while and they're like, well, this is cool. Well, I mean, I commend your work ethic and your entrepreneurial spirit, but I've Googled you, Jeff Dunham. You can go just skateboard if you want, bro. You're good. You're set. You know that, right? Well, yeah, but there is still alimony. I know how that goes. I appreciate that reference.

When they figure in those worth things on, you know, how much is so-and-so worth, they don't figure out that they forget to put the minus X percentage. Well, even still, I think you're doing pretty good, man. Well, thanks. Good enough to the point that I know you're kind of on this coronavirus donation crusade going after the people who are knocking off some of your slogans and characters. Yeah, you know, we fought. There's not an artist out there, especially bands,

especially bands that fight the fake merchandise and, you know, teams and all that stuff. So we've put up with it and fought it left and right for years and years and years. And, you know, somebody, some fake guy comes up with fake merchandise on Facebook. We send it in. I got a couple of lawyers that work on this. But then when they started taking advantage of COVID and the pandemic and started using my characters for that, then I kind of said, all right, that's it. That's enough.

And this is to the point that they're using, you know, a guy holding a shirt, a fake shirt that they made, putting my head on the body, and it's just Photoshopped for the hell. Yeah. So, you know, and then people started saying, wow, Jeff Dunn's profiting off the pandemic, and what an asshole. I hope he's giving all that money to charity. And then I went, no, no, no, that's it.

We're done. So we started this huge lawsuit. And it's like whack-a-mole. But, you know, and we have loyal fans. We even have a spot on my website with an address when they find fake stuff to send it to us. So we add everybody to the lawsuit and it's, you know, it's expensive. I mean, who knows however much money I'll get out of it, but whatever funds we do get, we'll take the extra funds and give a good portion of it to charity. I imagine that something like that, too, is more personal for someone like you because you've created these characters. They're all like your baby. It happens in sports and stuff like that a lot, too, but it's just like that's the team. It's like a player on the team kind of deal or a nickname we give a player that that's not in the same thing as this at all

but like if it's something you worked in birth and and and raised as a character i feel like that's a little more personal to have someone steal that yeah and when i started seeing my characters when i started seeing my when i started seeing my characters with masks on it was like yeah this is just crap when it all right well i'm just going to be fully honest with you or full disclosure we in our early days and even to this day have you know we'll make a shirt for a player or a team or a nickname or a something goes viral or a pop culture slogan or whatever are you is that ever like like like, I understand what you're talking about coronavirus, but in general, when you see that, is there ever any sort of like

flattery or like you like the fact that. Oh no, sure. I mean, it's, I've always said up until this point, I've always said, this is an amazing, great problem to have. The fact that a person or a business is popular enough that people copy it and are able to profit off it, I think it's a great problem to have. It's just when it got to this point that I thought, this is blood money at this point. That makes sense. Well, good on you for doing that and donating everything. I mean, that's very standoff of you. And pun intended because you've been killing it out there on stage.

I have obviously known your career. Who doesn't? But the longevity stunned me. I had no idea. You don't look your age. And the fact that you've been doing it since Carson and the fact that you've been doing it, it's incredible, man. So congratulations on all the success. And we appreciate the time.

Thanks so much. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. And, yeah, thanks for the chat. And next time we join you, we'll do do it live we'll do it live from my skateboard all right thanks a lot all right guys i've got some missions that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me

I bring them to the life of you It's only like this is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life Back to my life

Back to my life Back to my life