KFC Radio - Jensen Karp, Family Sex Ritual, and Elon Musk Cries Rocket Launch

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and leave a review! We kick off the show reminding people that the beginning of summer is the worst season of all time. Is there a worse season? We talk about the ridiculous acne medication we used to take as teenagers that caused depression. While recording, Elon Musk had to delay his rocket launch "because of inclement weather", once again reminding everyone he's a fraud. AITA Thursday returns with a fiancee's family trying to enforce a marriage sex ritual, a guy trying to convince his buddy to upgrade his wife, and more. Voicemails include one hit wonders, ideal length of sex, slidin in Seal's dm's, and people still named adolf. (01:28:10) Jensen Karp joins the show. We discuss his influence in hip hop, how Kanye West owes him $300, his elaborate prank on Shia LaBeouf, how he met his wife Danielle Fishel, and much more. Make sure to check out his podcast "The No-Sports Report".You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. While you're listening, make sure you subscribe, rate, and leave a review. I'm back at home. Flight's still back up in Fall River. I guess it's technically the summer. This is our first, like, summer episode.

Worst time of the year, Kevin. Worst time of the year right now. It's, like, double worse now because at least there used to be some, you know, like the summer does have some fun qualities, but if you take all that out, now it's just hot and muggy. Well, that's what like,

specifically, I don't mean the summer as a whole. Right now is the worst time of the year because it's so goddamn hot, but you can't like, the AC is not on yet. It's not like I think there are some families where it's like you don't get to turn it on here. It's just like the AC people haven't come yet to like install it or whatever. They got to come switch it on.

You literally can't turn it on. So I'm just sweating all day, every day, 24-7 up until five o'clock in the morning every night. I'm sticky. I look like someone who's so racist, they switch the W and H in white. Someone says, white. That's a racist person. I look like a lawyer who'd show up in a seersucker suit, where it's just like there's something wrong with you. You look like you actually say the phrase, I do declare, but not ironically. You actually say that in your seersucker suit. You just say some shit like, that's mighty.

Why do you? Which is arguably the most racist phrase ever. That's what we just use. We use that. People use that just to describe someone doing something nice. That was mighty why to you. That's insane. That was just something that was said regularly.

No, I'm going to pay you the highest compliment I think I can fucking pay anybody. You saying it sounds like you switched the H and the W in white reads like a Tyler tweet. That's the highest compliment you can pay someone. You know exactly what he means when he says white. Oh, you racist because you say white. You are white white if you say white.

Dude, if you could come up to me, someone could come up to me in a full Klansman outfit, another guy just in a suit who says white, and I'd say, that dude's the more racist one. It's, uh, I don't know if now's the time to be laughing about racism, but goddamn, that's funny. White.

Mr. White. I'm straight up, I'm straight up, like, my skin tone is sticky. You are so white. Your legs, I said it to you over the weekend. I was like, we gotta do something about those legs, bud. They are, they look

like something's wrong. I'm like, is there any blood in there? It looks like we hung you upside down and drained the blood out of you. I haven't worn shorts regularly since 2014, maybe. These things just don't seem... You haven't seen the sunlight regularly since 2014

maybe. These things just don't see... You haven't seen the sunlight in six years. At least probably. Don't get me wrong. I've worn shorts before. I burned all my shorts. I've worn shorts but it's just far from a thing that's a regular

aspect of my life. They are fucking translucent. Like Frankie Borelli has darker legs than you. That's borderline impossible. That man, he's got a look that I don't

think anybody... I think that Frankie Borelli can confidently say, there's not a person on the planet who looks like him right now. He's got a unique fucking look going on right now. I think he looks great. I think he looks confident. So much better. And if he combines

that, I think we talked about this on Friday Night Pints, which will be making its triumphant return this week. If he's on the drums with that look, oh, forget about it. He'll become a true rock star. You know, they're kind of like that fake, mockery, funny version. He'll become a true rock star. They're kind of like that fake, mockery, funny version.

He'll just be a full-blown fucking drummer rock star. When you combine that with the bandana look, unbelievable. The best. And you're sweating right now like you said. Listen, I think I'm jealous of Frankie Brelli's look. I think

I want to look like Frankie. Shit. We got Jensen Karp on the show today. You probably heard him on PMT, and you know him from his rap career. He's married to Panga. One of the most interesting men in the world, and I mean that sincerely. He's got an unbelievable story with twists and turns and all sorts of celebrities and talented people in his life. So we got that.

We'll get to your voicemails. Of course, we got Am I the Asshole? Can you think of a time of the year that's even close to as bad as this time right now before air conditioning really kicks on and shit like that? I'm just looking at myself. I'm disgusted. I got to be honest. I just turned my air conditioning on. That's what I mean. In New York, I have like just a window air conditioner i would have just

turned it on but there's like that lull where like especially now with like coronavirus i don't know what their deal with like coming out to houses and shit is but like if you if it's hot and you can't you don't have access to an air conditioning it is the worst time of the year that i would say uh to take it a step further just as far as like what bad part of year it is life like pre totally consistent air conditioning sucked like i think i don't know about you but i kind of caught the tail end of that where like if you would go to certain people's houses or whatever they'd be like yeah like we just open the windows and turn on a fan and now it's pretty much like you're a fucking animal if you don't have air conditioning you know like you are poor if you don't have some

sort of air conditioning but like when i was a kid it was like you know my family was always the type like we had we had wall we had window units in every fucking house in like march we were ready but some people really didn't do those things, especially if you went to like a summer house, you were at the beach. It would just be like, yeah, man, open the window. And it's like, now I would legit be like, no, I'm going home. If I go to the room and I can't control the temperature, either

hot or cold anymore, I'm going the fuck home. Last night I was arguing with my dad. I was like, we gotta turn the AC on. He's like, it doesn't work. He goes, just open the window. It's cool out. I was like, no, it's not. It's just objectively, it's not cool out. You're wrong. You're lying to my face on an easily provable falsehood.

It's just straight up nonsense you're spewing me right now. I know it's not cool out. I know for a fact it's not cool out because it's so damn hot in this house. And another thing I don't understand, why does it get so much hotter at night? Why? It doesn't make sense. The sun's down. It's a million hot in this house. And another thing I don't understand, why does it get so much hotter at night? Why? It doesn't make sense. The sun's down. It's a million degrees hotter at night.

It's a good point. It does feel – I used to go to my dad's dad, my grandfather on my dad's side. We went to Meadville, Pennsylvania. It's just like the fucking northwest sticks of Pennsylvania. And he just didn't – I don't know, didn't fucking believe in air conditioning. I don't know. We would go visit him in the summer and he was hardcore religious. He had these giant... I'm not even

like, oh, he had a cross on the wall. He had a crucifix. He had like, if we needed to, we could put a human on this cross. It was huge. No air conditioning. I remember just laying in these shitty beds just staring at the ceiling being like, take me back to civilization, mom and dad. This is fucking torture.

This is, like, inhumane. And I think there's something. And, you know, he was my grandfather, so he was, like, 1,000 years old. But it's probably still even in our parents a little bit. Like, yeah, you know, just, like, sit still. You'll cool off. No. No, I won't.'t no i fucking won't

last night i was doing the thing like like laying in bed like uh like some kind of sick bdsm thing where like both my arm i'm spread eagle completely spread eagle completely naked in the bed just just trying not to have skin touch each other because that's what we will five six o'clock in the morning i was up until it's insane it's absolutely i mean that that honestly would be enough for me to go back to new york if i were you i've considered it it's it's not out of the question i've always throughout the years i've written blogs or done podcast segments or episodes of mail time on the greatest inventions of all time and kind of depending on whatever's going on in the moment like if something awesome happened on twitter i'd be like the internet and Twitter is the best invention ever.

Or if I'm watching TV, you need the TV remote, but like really when you think about it, controlling the air temperature, hot or cold. It's the most important thing that humans ever came up with. It's, it's insane that it took so long,

like the first hot day, Adam should have been like, well, we got to fix this. Figure this out, God. Like hot day, Adam should have been like, well, we gotta fix this. Figure this out, God. We'll deal with humanity and our soul's fate after I cool down a little bit. I just can't think with this.

God pulled out the rib and was like, do you want me to make a woman that you can fuck and have a partner? Or do you want central air? Apparently Adam picked a woman. I don't know because I would have been like, give me an air conditioner. God. Adam made the wrong choice.

Big time wrong choice. Like if you. That's not what the snake told Eve. The snake is probably like, hey, if you eat that apple, the temperature changes a lot in here. He did it anyway. Here's an ATI question for you. And I mean, I think we just answered it, but would you rather give up no sex the rest of your life

or no air conditioning? You got to think through the full implications. If you want to be a father and also just sex is pretty awesome, but everyday discomfort, again, hot or cold, I'm saying not just AC, but just controlling the air temperature. You're going to freeze in the winter.

You're going to sweat in the summer. I don't even think you'll be able to have sex if it's hot all the time. If I was living in Florida, I'd probably take AC, but I got six, seven months a year here where I'm good with just the window. Yeah. Maybe even more than that. You might even have like eight months a year here where I'm good with just the way I am. Maybe even more than that. You might even have like eight months a year where it's just fine. I would probably pick, I'd keep the sex and move somewhere

even colder and just like bundle up. You know? I'd rather live in like Alaska and be like, alright, I'll just like fucking wear fur all the time than even have to deal with like a couple weeks of sweating. Days like today make me flabbergasted that there are still people who just, like, dislike winter or something like that.

We're, like, literally, like, day one of summer, day two of summer, and I'm like, get me out of here. It's so hot. It's so hot. I eat ice cream for breakfast and lunch now. But you think people in warm weather are hotter? No, that wouldn't work for me because I just eat ice cream all the time. I bought six pints of ice cream on Friday.

I'm down to one. Yo, that's a vicious cycle too because as you're sitting there starfishing on the bed trying to make sure no fat touches each other and you're eating five pints of ice cream in a weekend, your fat's going to be touching, trust me. Yeah, it's that's spilling over oh the spillover is just with those white legs too you're becoming you know what you're becoming is a pint of ice cream vanilla is what you are i get it with old people like they're weird you know they're just like yeah i'm like they're you know it could be 80 degrees and they're cold But if you're even remotely young and you're not bothered by – I mean, if my apartment's 70 or higher, I'm terrible.

I'm like choking and gagging. And I run cold too. My body is like always cold if you like touch me. I'm always like – I think it's just bad circulation to be honest. But the – You're taking more health? Yeah, yeah. It's just blood having a hard time getting to other parts of it but the like i can't imagine being someone who that's my

like saving grace i run a little cold but obviously if i was someone who just sweat all the time already it would be a disaster what's your ideal temperature 68 i mean i i think that's the correct answer like i don't think i think it's funny like 67 i'll be like oh i'm a little like cold and 69 i'm sweating it's like perfect at 68 degrees and i can't believe anybody thinks otherwise if you do you're fucking wrong uh the rest of today's episode brought to you by roman now roman is i mean they roman knows these things about guys like us they're trying to make sure we feel good and live good and we're healthy and that our hair's growing and our dick's growing and our skin looks good. And, uh, and so that's what they're doing. They're a modern company to try to make

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So if you start a skincare routine and it's not working or you need to adapt it or change it, you can do that as many times as you need. And again, it's all talking to real doctors who know about this shit, who know what guys need, who know how skincare works. And so you can get your free online visit right now and start that routine today when you go to GetRoman.com slash Barstool Offer. Eligibility requirements and additional terms apply. That's GetRoman.com slash Barstool Offer. Dude, while you were reading that, that made me think of like the acne medications we used to take when we were younger. What a time that was. It was like, hey, you want't have pimples, but you're going to fucking kill yourself.

Like, you want Accutane? 15-year-old John? You'll probably commit suicide. And I was like, well, Tim can't call me Pizza Face anymore. So fucking worth risking it. Not only that, and I totally understand this now, parents were like, sign him up! Sign him up!

Because, man, every time I see a TV show or whatever now with kids where someone's getting bullied, like I'll fucking go to that school. I will fucking kill you if you torment my kid. I will be the school shooter. I will kill you. Where's fucking Susie was making fun of. Bam, you're fucking dead. So you told me like, hey, you know, this will fix your bullying problems,

you just have to make sure they don't jump out the window. That's what happened. That's what our generation is. Everyone just sat on Twitter because, yeah, we had fucking medications ruin our brains for depression. They're like, oh, everyone's depressed now. Yeah, because the medication you prescribed us, dude. That's why everyone in our age

bracket talks about mental health. Because you destroyed it. You ruined it intentionally. Don't get me wrong. I signed up for it. I knew what I was doing, but I also didn't because I was fucking 14 or something.

Think about being a girl from our generation who at the age of like 14 or 15 was like, give her Accutane and birth control and like, let's go. How about some Ally? Give her some Ally so she drops those last five pounds she needs. The guys were on No Explode and shit like that. I mean, like no wonder we're a goddamn disaster of a generation. Dude, that's what it is.

All the older generations are like, oh, your generation's so sensitive. Oh, yeah? Did you have doctors prescribing legitimately, like, pills that deteriorate your mental health? Like, you had adults giving those to children like they were candy. That's what we dealt with. Could you imagine some doctor, you're a doctor, you get out your fucking light or your magnifying

glass, you're just like, those are some pimples, get them to suicide medicine. What? Dude, I took that shit forever. I took that shit for like, I probably got prescribed it when I was young, right, when I was a kid.

I took it through college. I remember one time I was getting a physical in college. I was like, oh, your liver enzymes are a little off. Have you been drinking on this medication? I was like, yeah, for the better part of a decade. They were like, oh, you shouldn't be doing that. I was like, seems like something you should have told me, dude. I've been doing everything on this medication.

Drinking, eating, fucking, like all of it. It's in my system, all of the goddamn... Oh, and then by the way, let's throw in like Ritalin and Adderall. Like, let's just put Coke in a pill because they can't do their homework. Let's do that too. I get like not bringing that up to me when I was 13 or again, whatever

age I was. I probably wasn't really drinking just yet. But come the time of my 18th birthday physical, you probably should have mentioned, hey, if anyone gives you a beer, you might want to stop taking these. Then I would have had to make that decision. I already chose Accutane over Suicide. I don't know if I would

have chose it over alcohol. Do you want pimples or life? Do you want pimples or die? It's like, well, maybe die. Pimples or drinking? I don't know. We got to discuss. And we had no, like, what does it take to not get a pill approved? It's like heavy, heavy suicidal side effects was like, all right, FDA says it's okay. Like the generation, the future generation is going to wipe itself out.

You ever think about that? How crazy it is with just everything in the world. We still don't know the side effects of a cell phone. We have no idea what just keeping radiation next to your dick is going to do.

I don't get the jewels, the vaping, because there's no way that's good for you. It's better for you than smoking. No chance. No chance is that better for you. It's just like electronic cigarette, electronics mixed with the same shit, just burning into your lungs.

I'm not one of these 5G truthers who think to cause coronavirus, but it can't be good that we just have microwaves flying through. Why is 5G so much worse than 4G though? Like I don't remember 4G ever having a whole. 5G, I mean, I don't know why it's worse. 5G is going to be a bigger deal. Like, it's not just like, it's another, it's a little bit more G like a little, you know, they're, they're saying that like the street will be like a smart pavement where like that will have driving cars will have like like when when we did i think 3g was the advent of gps where it was like we can we can

now use satellites and then they were like oh that means we can do uber and postmates like it was more like we there's new technology but but it changed the world by what it can do. I think 5G... The one I keep hearing is the self-driving cars. That's what this can do. So whatever else it can do, 5G is supposed to be the world as we know. We don't even know what's going to happen yet because

it's not like when we made GPS, we were like, oh, we'll have Uber now. It was just somebody was like, oh shit, we can do this kind of stuff now. So 5G is supposed to be crazy and awesome. i'm also sure you know you're putting up towers and fucking zapping people's brains and i mean i said before birth control like i mean that was what like the 60s or 70s or whatever it's like 50 years of like let's just give girls mini abortions every month there's all the time little abort abortions. That'll be fine, right? Probably not. Probably fucking not, man. But again, same thing with the pimples.

It's like, well, we're going to do it. If you told chicks, this will really be a problem for you later, they'd be like, well, that's okay because I want to be prodigious for a long time. A problem for me later isn't a problem for me now, so whatever. It is

funny what you agree to or you know don't even know about but John Mulaney has a bit about college and how that's like crazy because he's like a 17 year old me they dragged me out of class in sweatpants and said hey kid you

love Georgetown or wherever you ended up going and I was like okay where can I sign up for $200,000 a day like it's an insane thing to have kids agree to i guess like your parents have to agree to your medications too although not with birth control birth control is one of those ones on your own yeah but like i mean the fact that you let 15 and a half year olds drive cars crazy crazy like at time, I didn't think it. I remember being like, yeah, I'm ready. And I look at a 15-year-old now, and I'm like,

you're a fucking child. Oh, I knew. I knew. Are you still in diapers? One of my first nights driving my car, I was like 16, I was at a stoplight. Almost like I was looking for someone to, like, take charge. I was alone in the car, and I was like, this is ridiculous.

What are we doing? I mean, this big SUV, like I had barely hit puberty. This is, this is, this is so stupid. Why am I allowed to have this car right now? How did you, did you pass your driver's test right away? Yeah. So I, I went and I got a, a, like an early test right away and I think I went to where I live now in Mount Vernon, do the Mount Vernon, the Bronx. It was like, it was like, I went to the hood for my driver's test. Right. And I remember it was like this sweet little old lady who was like walking towards my

car. And all of a sudden this like huge fat chick just like cuts in front of me. And they went like, they just crossed this way. And she sat down in my car. And I think she she was just like you're fucking failing today man and i remember i was driving my hands were like shaking like this i remember being like just let's just turn this around like let's not even do this man i got no shot here did it on the second shot but but yeah i was like i'm not really good at this yet because like i'm i'm a baby i'm a fucking baby. Legitimately, I don't know if I had pubic hair when I started driving. When do they say your brain stops developing? Not until you're like 25, right?

I don't know the answer. I think it's late. There's also lifers. Honestly, God, I don't think I barely got out of the parking lot. And they're just like, you're good. It was, it was crazy easy for me to pass.

Georgia during coronavirus, they just let 20,000 kids have their license. Just like, well, we can't do it. Here's a test. And then like the next day, the governor was like, we're going to need you guys to come back and pass the test. Okay. And everyone's like, yeah, sure. See you there, pal.

It's, it's's there are still some things that like we do i'm trying to think of something that we did as a society aside from just like horrendous racism and stuff but like things that we did back in the day that was like oh well you know we can't do that anymore i think we're going to look back on some of these things like in 100 years and be like can you believe they let like 16 year olds do this and 18 year olds do that even even the idea of college in general is kind of nuts or it's like forget about the debt side millennia was talking about just being like yeah you're good to live on your own and make all your own decisions like

sexually and and financially and and like safe why no not no not no you're taking someone with bad and like it's also just like the way college is, is marketed, so to speak. We're like, it's almost, you go to not have to deal with those things. Like it is like a never, never land. Like that's, I'm obviously speaking from my personal experience and there are some people who take it more seriously than others. But like when I went to college, it was just like, oh, this is, this is, this is the time where I don't have to worry about anything my whole life. Let me just interrupt real quick for a second.

Fuck Elon Musk. They just canceled the space launch because of weather? We're going into space. You can't get through a little cloud cover? We're going to go into fucking space. And it's got to be perfect weather. Elon Musk, he just says

he's going to do things and he never does them. It's crazy we let him get away with it. I used to kind of be joking, but now I'm dead ass serious. I don't think he ever intended to launch this fucking rocket at all. When is it scheduled to go now? Tomorrow? Is it going to be 70 degrees? Because then launch it fucking missile, this rocket at all. When is it scheduled to go now? Tomorrow, is it going to be 70

degrees? Because then launch it fucking tomorrow. It says they'll retry Saturday. Well, yeah, we'll see. I bet you this fucking rocket never launches. I bet you it never happens. He's going to keep coming up with some bullshit. I'll give him this. If you're really going to delay and try and get away with it,

you probably wouldn't delay it to Saturday. You'd probably be like we'll we'll we'll reassess in a month yeah yeah but also we'll see though because i think you would say saturday and then be like but on friday we're gonna tell them like no way i'll say i just wouldn't put anything past elon right now i don't even know what they're doing they're gonna go to the space station and then just come back down that doesn't i've lost interest in once we gotta get like the russians back in a mix or something i got no interest in the space race anymore and also where are we going there's going to the space station i think yeah they're going up they're like docking and then they come back down i don't know don't get me

wrong it's cool and all that shit but unless we're discovering new worlds i don't really care right i'd rather you like i find it to like that that story that article in the post which ended up kind of not being true at all but they were saying there's like an alternate dimension the ideas of that kind of shit uh get me going much more than like we went into orbit you're fucking you're space astronauts i mean space construction workers how awkward it'd be yeah exactly that's really all you are just glorified fucking space we were gonna send bob and doug into space i mean bob and doug just not impressive anymore you know and they and they say they say that there's nothing on the moon for us that's why we don't go back uh make it cool do something

on the moon then right there's nothing for me in fucking missouri but we have a bunch of shit there build some shit on the moon you could have said this someone could have said that about Las Vegas it's just a desert out here nothing cool here put a strip down build up some ingenuity Elon it's time to put your money where your mouth is

you cocksucker the mob has better vision than Elon Musk does the mob was like we can do casinos and shit here. You let the fucking... Let the Gottis get a hold of some space rockets, and I promise you we'll have a shuttle back and forth to Mars with, like, hookers and casinos and all sorts of shit. Give me a break, Elon.

Just... What was the last big win for Elon Musk? Like, the last things I can think of is failed rocket launch. When he, when he said the windows of his truck were smash proof and he just broke it with a rock. Remember that? That was,

that was fake. That was, there's no way that they didn't know that was happening. You think that he was just like, we'll go viral in like a, in a bad way, but it'll still be viral. It'll be good.

Like Elon Musk is like the Kardashians for academics. He knows what he's doing. He knows how to get shit to go viral, get people talking about him. Stupid baby names, fucking with letters. Once he was talking to Dave, I was kind of like, oh, him and Dave are the same thing.

Dave, a wildly successful man, but we're not talking about him as like This generation's Da Vinci and shit The way people talk about Elon Musk I mean, at what point I mean, I know me, you, guys like Trent Are probably the other extreme

But if you're like an Elon Musk stan At some point, aren't you like Ah, this was a little overhyped Yeah, well yeah, he's fucking Mike Trout Show me something Fucking win a playoff series. Come on, one time, dude. I mean, I'm way more impressed

with Jeff Bezos than I am Elon Musk. Yeah, for sure. Bezos has his hand in everything. It's like real shit, you know what I mean? It's like, Elon Musk, even if it goes like, even if this works, he sends a rocket up into space, I don't really care. Jeff Bezos is like, I can get whatever the fuck I need in in an hour that's important that's real elon musk is like uh

like a kid who has great ideas and you'd say he's a smart little boy he's because he doesn't have the expectation of following through with all those things he's like oh so he wants to send cars to the moon he He's got great ideas. He thinks outside the box, but doesn't fucking do anything because he's a kid. That's kind of what Elon Musk is. In three sentences, I've compared Elon Musk to the Kardashians, Mike Trout, and stupid bigots. Until he can, the last two things I heard him really claim was that he's going to send

normal humans into space and the moon and shit, and that he's going to be able to travel anywhere on the planet in 30 minutes. Put your money where your fucking mouth is. Again, that's just something a kid would say. I'm going to go to Florida. It's going to take me 30 minutes. No, it won't. No, it fucking won't, dude. That's not how it works, dude. You're just dumb. That's all there is to it. You know what? I think that fucking caviar is more impressive than anything Elon Musk has ever done. Caviar is making lives better all around the world where they'll get you any food you want when you want it.

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It sounds better than all the other delivery apps. It makes you sound more important. Like, we can all use them, but Caviar is the one that just got it's like um remembering how to lose a guy in 10 days when he's like frost yourself the guy was like let's call this caviar everyone was like oh baby let's go so download the caviar app you can get it on the app store or google play use promo code kf at checkout. Any order of $20 or more, you get a $10 discount. Let's talk a little Am I the Asshole, huh? We got a few to go through today.

And this one kind of went – this went viral enough. This is up there with the peanut butter, the dick in the peanut butter, and the W butter and some, and the, the waffle house one. We always do the, I'm on the assholes, but sometimes it breaks out of the bubble and everybody's talking about them.

This one actually comes from the Reddit ships, the relationships on Reddit. And it's some, it's some weird shit. It's some, uh, it's some handmaid's tale type shit. Uh,

I don't want to take part in my girlfriend's sex ritual on our wedding night. Now I'll shoot you straight. You tell me that you got a sex ritual you want to do. I'd say 99 times out of a hundred. I'm like, let's fucking go. No, I don't do rituals.

Oh, see, I, well, I know what you're saying, but if a girl comes to me and she's like, yo, I got a,

I got a thing that we're going to do sexually. I'll probably, I'll probably do it. That's different than saying ritual. If you're dropping hard R's on me, I'm out. Anyone who does ritual stuff is strange. It doesn't matter if it's sexual, religious,

even superstitious stuff like athletes do. I don't co-sign people who participate in rituals. I will give you that, but I'm still sticking by it that I'm a deviant enough that I'll try anything once. This one, I'm fully out on here, though. Let's see. I'll kind of cut through some of it here because, you know, people, they just give too many details.

It's just nuts, John. It's not just the Internet. It's not just NY the assholes. When you're talking to someone and they're like, so, let me tell you a story. Last Tuesday. No, wait. Was it Wednesday? It was Tuesday because on Monday I went, yeah, and then it was Tuesday.

It doesn't fucking matter. I do that, though. I do that. I get out fast, but I will catch myself. I'll be like, was it Tuesday? Was it Wednesday? Ah, fuck. It doesn't matter. That's what I'll do. You catch yourself, and that's all that matters. Anytime you know you're going down that path. So let me see if there's any important details.

A few nights ago, we're discussing wedding plans and thinking about our places to go on a honeymoon. Me and my girlfriend are brainstorming ideas. She tells me that we won't need the bridal suite right away. Obviously, I ask why, because we're getting married at a pretty nice hotel. And she says that she'd like for us to stay at her parents' i don't really mind this we're trying to save money for a house deposit anyway but the girlfriend seems like she has more to say so i push for why she wants it she tells me that there's a really old she tells me that there's a really old tradition in her family on the wedding night now you're right this is where it starts to sound like, what was that movie we watched recently? Ready or Not.

Huh? Ready or Not. Yeah. I mean that, it was like, you bring a girl home and within like a night you have to like, they have to try to survive as they try to murder her. It sounds like you're going down like a dark path. And guess what? We kind of are. The ritual, the husband and wife go into the master bedroom together. They're supposed to consummate the marriage. The rest of the family are waiting outside the door so they can applaud them and cheer when they come out.

Then a piece of the bed sheet is cut off and sewn into a big tapestry that my girlfriend's mother owns. I think my girlfriend saw I wasn't happy because she quickly told me that we wouldn't have to actually consummate the marriage if I felt uncomfortable and we could just pretend. I don't want to have anything to do with this, he says. I absolutely freaked on her, told her under no circumstances will I be doing that kind of thing in front of her whole family. When I came back from taking a walk to clear my head, she said how noticeably she said she was now noticeably acting down and still is. I think she's been texting her family. I received a text from her mother telling me that I, quote, don't understand the importance of family and tradition yet. I'm telling you right now, this family says quite. This is no doubt in my mind.

This is on a plantation somewhere deep in the south. And this is some weird shit. I almost think it's. It's it, I mean, it's batshit crazy. But for her to say, oh, well, we don't have to do that, but meaning we still have to do the family cheering part, like, oh, we'll just pretend fuck, and the family still has to be out there. Well, that's what I was thinking is, what's worse? Faking it or doing it?

Yeah, because, like, what if what if like you just sit in there? Like, first of all, are you like at least pretending? Like, are you like walking on the bed? Yeah. And then like, is it, is it worse to walk out and have like everyone be like, dude, that was pretty weak. Or have people walk out and be like, Jesus Christ.

What did you just do to my daughter? You know what? I think, uh, in a normal circumstance, I would think I'd be like, you know, I'd be like, all right, let me like mess my head up and be like, yeah, Hey, we just had sex. Let's get this over with. If you're forcing me to do, to do this, I'm blowing you back out. Or, or, or if I'm faking it I'm walking out and being like high five and be like

we just I just fucked your daughter in the ass this was crazy man I consummated all over her face dude you want to do this tradition let's fucking go yeah that's one of those if you want to make me do it guess what halfway through I'm going to come to the door like panting be, I need two belts.

Like, hey, pops, I need that belt. Middle brother, yeah, I'm going to need yours too. You kind of hold up, measure them, like, yeah, these should do. Okay, they shut the door again. You got to go, if you're going to make me do that, I'm going to make you uncomfortable. Right. You're making me uncomfortable?

I'm going to make you double uncomfortable, man. That's the world I live in. If you make me do something I don't want to do, I'm going to make you uncomfortable. Right. You're making me uncomfortable? I'm going to make you double uncomfortable, man. That's the world I live in. If you make me do something I don't want to do, I'm going to make it miserable for you. I'll do it. If I address that I don't want to do something and you make me do it anyway, I'm going to make sure you hate it just as much as I do. That's

for everything in life. You're going to make me go to your parents for brunch when I don't want to? Well, I'm going to be an asshole all brunch. You're going to come here. I've been throwing tantrums since I was two, and I'm not about to stop now. I'll throw a fucking tantrum. I'll make sure this trip to the supermarket sucks. I just cannot imagine

what family wants, like what dad and brother, mother and sister and all that wants this you know no one no one this is just this the thing it's like this is the problem with rituals is that no one ever ever just accepts them and no one stops and goes what the fuck are we doing here yeah what are we doing like why now we like sweat and semen stained sheets we're gonna sew that into a blanket now that's what we're doing no that means that like this blanket's got you know pieces from like 10 generations ago and it's

just like this is just a giant cum blanket right it's just it's just and that's that's the problem like every every tradition needs to be re-examined every generation yeah and and you go maybe maybe that one doesn't hold up so well anymore. This is one of those. This is like some fucking shit like Game of Thrones in the wedding when they like carry the husband out right before the red wedding and they carry them both out and they're up to go consummate or whatever.

That shit should have stopped back then when you were murdering people at weddings. Right. Leave that shit in like the 1100s. I feel like this is so crazy that people in in like the olden days should have been like this is fucking weird dude like when you were still trading your wife for like like oxen and and shit like that even those guys were like i don't want to fuck you in front of your dad this is crazy dude and especially in those times too when it was like even more of a unique thing sex when like you

were theoretically losing your your virginity at that point like now you're not anymore like i don't think anyone there is like this is their first time having sex right or or you're you know you're talking about like let's start a family like this is just like i'm gonna get my rocks off like probably on your daughter's like stomach and you want to be outside the door while we do this? And the worst part of all of it is that, like, like we always say, like, you can't even have fun at your wedding because you're expected to perform. At my wedding, I'd want to be in such shape that you'd be like, there's no way that dude can get it off. Like, it would not be a very believable performance. I'd go into that room.

I'd eat some pizza. You know what? I think you just stumbled upon the answer. You don't want to piss off. Well, first of all, the answer is like, run for the fucking hills. Get away from this crazy get-out family. But if you want to still marry her, get too shit-faced that

night. And then either A, they're like, well, we can't do this anymore. Or B, like, you're so like, out of it. You don't even, you're like, alright, where am I? I'm in the room. Oh, the family's cheering. Hey, it's my wedding night. Let's dance.

And it's like, okay, we did your fucking thing. Yeah, that's true. Alcohol solves everything. Just get drunk. Just, you know, and maybe you thumb it in. Maybe you don't. All I know is that you won't even realize that, you know, dad's high-fiving you because you gave back shots to your fucking daughter. Goddamn break.

Let me just see real quick. Let me open up the comments just to see, you know, the actual Reddit ships account, like, replied to their own tweet and said, today in 13th century nonsense. Yeah, like, that's what we're talking about here. The top reply is a Chappelle gif of him looking at White People magazine. So everything we just said, basically.

Pretty spot on. Live footage of the wedding night, and it's a picture of the midsummer, movie Midsummer, with an orgy going on. So everybody, and then the best one of all, this sounds like Dwight Schrute's family. This is definitely Dwight Schrute. So everyone here is the asshole.

What do you got? What's yours, John? I don't think everyone. I don't think he is. I think he's the asshole for even, I know what you're saying, but I think he's the asshole for even considering it. I don't think he was considering it. I think he's like, I'm just not doing it. I'm going to give him, he skates.

He's not an asshole. If you go through with this against your will, though, you're an asshole. Yes. It's not like, oh, you got to, you know, relationships are about compromise and doing, you know, getting on your comfort zone, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you do something like this, that's like abuse. This is like abuse to make someone do this. Okay, I got one here. Let's see.

What are we going to do? We'll do this one this one's quicker i think and by the asshole for calling my friend a piece of shit for suggesting i upgrade my wife so when my wife and i got married i was probably 40 pounds overweight i gained weight for a couple of years so i finally got sick of being a fat ass and started exercising and dieting since then i've lost 50 pounds i'd say i'm in a healthy weight range now. Which, by the way, that's such a way to say I still don't look very good. I'm still fat, but I'm not going to die in my sleep. Right. I'm in a healthy weight range now. Oh, okay, so you're still

ugly. When I first married my wife, I would say she was out of my league. I think she's very pretty and I was definitely not good looking. I'd say now we're more equal as attractive as this goes. Not to brag. Okay, fatty. Anyway, I was talking to a friend about how I finally lost the weight and it felt good. He congratulated me and said I should upgrade my wife.

I figured it was a joke and chuckled a bit and kept going with it. He said we've only been married a few years. Four years. Not nothing. And that I shouldn't spend the rest of my life with someone ugly that I married because I was fat I said I said yes I do in fact want to spend the rest of my life with someone I married that tends to be how it works and I'm not a piece of shit so I'm not going to upgrade my wife he got a divorce a few years ago and talked a bit about how it felt good to be out there again but never really said it was because she was ugly he got pissed and said that he divorced his life for

her looks and he isn't a piece of shit at which point I said I disagreed and he hung up he messaged I mean, here's the thing. I don't think breaking up with... We've said a lot of times that it's not shallow to have your preferences of looks, right? Right. Adaptiveness matters, and I think

when it's the first step of you being like, I don't find you attractive, so we're not going to date. I think that's okay. I think that once you go down that road though, trying to upgrade or dump someone on looks is, is going to be frowned upon. You can't expect,

you can do it. This guy did it. It's probably better, I guess, than sitting there your whole life being like secretly miserable that you, you're not attracted to the person, but you fucked up and you married the wrong person without thinking it through. Dude, I think this is the end of the debate.

This guy called his friend to celebrate losing a couple pounds, and the friend's initial reaction was, dump that fat whore of a wife. What, dude? I don't not what he said at all. He's like... What this guy is doing is he feels guilty that he dumped his wife over looks and he just wants to have somebody

in the club. But yeah, we're the guys who dumped our wives because we got fucked. They're ugly and we got hot. It's like, well, no, like you're a piece of shit and I'm not. So I'm not going to get on board with this guy. He's just trying to ease his own guilty conscience. Yeah, I agree with that, but he's an asshole. To just bring up

to a friend that his wife is ugly completely unprovoked is an insane thing to do. That's the one thing. You can't ask women if they're pregnant or when they're due or whatever and you can't just tell your buddy that the love of his life is fat and

gross. Like that's, I was talking about that the other day with, Oh, it was when we had the ATI question, like, would you rather, um, have like a really hot girl with an annoying voice, most annoying voice in the world or a regular girl with a very sexy voice and the hot girl with the most annoying voice in the world. That's fair game for your friends to make fun of. Because she is attractive, so you can, like, you just nitpick the little thing.

Where you're like, oh, I can't stand her. It's like, but if you have a regular looking girl, no one makes fun of regular looking people or ugly people. It's like, you don't get made fun of for that. You're punching them. It's low-hanging fruit to tell an ugly person they're ugly. Right. It's like, yeah, all right, I know she has that whiny voice,

but you see that ass, dude? It's like, yeah, so I can handle that. But the more important thing is what you said. This discussion is not about the wife at all. No, it's just, it's like, hey, man, I've been really enjoying the gym recently. Fuck your fat wife, dude. Now, to go back, to go back to our last episode where the question was, how can you

approach your significant other about her gaining weight? Let me tell you, we have received word from many girls, many. Some might even say all of them, that there is in fact no way to tell your wife or girlfriend that she's putting on weight i mean the amount of people the the my favorite was the the girl who called in a few weeks ago who could get that guy to come in eight minutes and she was like i would murder my boyfriend if he even insinuated this like there is just no shot that you can bring this up to women. You can't bring it up about women and certainly

not if that's what the topic's not about. If you called up and said, man, dude, my wife is so fat and he was like, yeah, you should probably dump her. He's probably an asshole, but at least that was the topic of conversation. This is just something the guys have been wanting to say for four years. And he finally found a window. Right. I mean,

this guy, this guy could have, he could have called his friend and been like, yo, I got a promotion, man. And he would have been like, dump your poor wife.

He just wants to be, you know, misery loves company in the divorce club. And I think that's all that's going on here. But I'm trying to think if there's any. And he's demanding the apology? Yes, the friend. Because he said calling him a piece of shit wasn't cool.

Dude, the way people get upset when you're called just – we talked about it the other day, like accurately describing someone is the meanest thing. People get offended and they're like, I am not a piece of shit. Well, you just said a piece of shit thing. So I guess we could do this the chicken or the egg type deal. But either you weren't a piece of shit before that or you just officially became one. But either way, accurate fucking description, dude.

It's like the people were like, did you just call me a racist? Yeah, the lady in the park who called the cops on a guy and is like, I'm a white woman. There's an African-American. And she's like, now they're showing apologies. Like, I'm not. I'm the least racist person in the world. What you did was, I don't even. That's a more nuanced discussion.

But like, that's. You're going to get caught. You're at least using your whiteness as a weapon against the person. I don't know, but, like, you're being a racist. So just... How about this? This was on Comments by Celebs. Eric Coulson.

I don't know who that is, but I guess he's famous. I don't know him either. He had a... He posted about George Floyd, and he said, if you're not fucking outraged, you're part of the problem. And someone commented, why'd you have to use that language? You're pissed about the inconsequential use of language when a handcuffed man was murdered by the police. Like if anybody who is still doing goddamn sexual rituals at their weddings or worried about foul language in this era, like you join us in the goddamn modern world, motherfucker.

It doesn't matter if I say the F word. You dicks. Okay, last one here. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? Oh boy, I forgot about this one. Am I the asshole for shouting at my boyfriend

for telling his family and friends that I murdered his firstborn? I the asshole for shouting at my boyfriend for telling his family and friends that I murdered his firstborn. Not long because the title says it all. What'd you say? Coming in hot. I fell pregnant early, which is an unbelievable way to describe you got pregnant.

I fell pregnant. That's how, that's the only way I'm describing pregnancy from now on. Like you fall ill. You fell pregnant. It's not a disease, but I have a feeling for this girl, she definitely considered it one. I fell pregnant

earlier this year by my boyfriend, and since we're both 23 and not stable enough, I told him I was planning to abort. He said he didn't support the decision, but it wasn't his choice, so he'll just go with it. I had the procedure, and we continued dating, but now I've heard from a mutual friend that

he tells them and his family that I murdered his firstborn or some bullshit like that. I shouted out about it and admittedly did post some stuff for him on FB without his name which is great. He apologized and said he wouldn't do it again but now his sister is attacking me for being an asshole to him.

Am I the asshole? This is a discussion right here. First of all, I think that's a sneaky move as the guy to be like, well, I don't agree with this. I'm going to take the moral high ground, but it's pretty fucking sweet that I'm not going to have to deal with this kid. That's the best. That's having your cake and eating it too right there. Like, hey, God god don't get upset with me but also i never really wanted to have that fucking kid uh so she he tells everyone she killed

his firstborn and she did what on facebook she it seems like she did a vague book post where it's just kind of like a subtweet if you will name. But also like, if you're describing the situation, even remotely, people would probably figure out who you're talking about. I mean, if anybody even knows who you're dating and you're like, yeah, I'm dating this guy and I had to get rid of it. I mean, I think we know. Yeah. It's pretty clear who you're talking about here. Like, so I had an abortion and the father of the child is pissed. Like we know who you

mean rebecca it's we got it i think uh i mean all right uh this is probably a larger discussion i just don't think abortions are a big deal i don't know i'm sorry i just don't think it's a big deal okay like it's like like i was joking earlier about birth control it's like it's just like i mean if you're doing some like second trimester type shit yeah we're going to get into a bigger discussion but if it's just like oh i'm a couple weeks late we got to take care of this i don't know i think that's a fucking modern ass medical procedure that i would not even bat an eyelash at i i agree and i think that it's clearly i mean he's the asshole but he's

a funny asshole the way he's describing it like she murdered my firstborn like first of all firstborn has the word born in it and no one was fucking born here but the the it's yeah you know what actually i'm gonna reserve judgment because it depends on what he said if he like sits down his mom and dad and he's like like i gotta talk to you like my child was murdered he's the asshole and he's just kind of like you know i'd probably do that i got a couple beers in me and be like oh hey john she's a murderer she killed my baby hey let's let's laugh about a bad like unfortunate situation, okay? Right, yeah. If it is like anything, if you're trying to be funny, and it is pretty funny. Yeah. If you're genuinely having heartfelt reactions to this and being like, we need to have a talk, then it's like, well, I mean, what are we doing here, dude?

And also, by the way, too late? Probably should have had the talk a little earlier. Probably should have been a discussion before the murder occurred. But I can't believe, like, how does that even work where you decide to stay together when, like, you both have such passionate feelings about this? She clearly made the right choice. But, like, how were you just like, all right, we'll just move past this humongous life moment? Yeah. How were you just like, all right, we'll just move past this humongous life moment? Yeah, like that's like, what's their called? Kellyanne Conway and her husband who are just like categorically politically opposed and they just like go home together every night.

What? What? No, that does not work. He bought an ad. George Conway bought a commercial for literally going directly against what his wife does. And it's like, I'm going to pull it up real quick. Dude, that's like, I mean, I wouldn't do that kind of shit with my wife if it was like, you know, if she likes the real housewives, I'm not going to make fun of that because I don't want a headache in my life, let alone if I'm railing against her political and ethical and social beliefs. So his conservative group that he works for, the Lincoln Project, I guess. The Lincoln Project is an anti-Trump conservative super PAC run in part by George Conway. They released a new ad on Tuesday hitting the president's response to the coronavirus pandemic as the U.S. approaches 100,000 deaths from the virus. The 24-second ad depicts rows of red, white, and blue body bags arranged to display the American flag. The audio includes Trump's remarks during a press briefing in late February when he claimed the country had been doing a great job stemming from the virus.

They did the whole, you know, close to zero soon, it'll go away, blah, blah, blah. Like, his wife's job is PR for that fucking guy. And he's just buying things that spit directly in her face, and it's just like, they just go home and have dinner. It's great. I think, I didn't realize

it was like, I thought it was like a philosophical difference. Like, yeah, we sit down over dinner, and what are we going to talk about? Obviously, other than the elephant in the room. But that's more like, yo, my day at work was a fucking nightmare because of your commercial. Because of your day at work. Yeah. You know what?

I think I'm kind of in on this. It's like the most dysfunctional romantic thing I've ever heard. It's like, how was your day at work? Fucking terrible because your day at work. And then they look at each other and they just start making out and fucking. It's just like, this is wild. This is just a twisted version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Yes, exactly. It's the same story. You never ever knew it was hot. That was sexy, right? Oh, these assassins are trying to kill each other and they're doing it in their underwear. This is sexy. That's just Kelly and George just assassinating each other politically. They're the hottest couple in America. But listen, I'm not going to, again, if the guy's joking, I joke, like, that's how I go.

That's how I joke about everything. I'll joke about my divorce. I joke about all the bad things in my life because that's the only fucking way I'm going to survive it. Right. So if he's clowning around about the death of the firstborn, okay. If he's not, he's the fucking asshole. Agreed. Voicemail time.

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slash KFC. Voicemails what we got nick what's up fellas i was just listening to the radio um the song girls and boys by good charlotte screaming my head off wondering if you could be a one hit wonder for any song that exists it doesn't have to be a one-hit wonder song what would it be like you could go for like just straight up royalties and pick some crazy famous pop song or just be known for just an all-time banger like something from meatloaf let me know uh yeah bye this is such an awesome question and I've got a couple different thoughts running through my mind let's discuss

first what's your what's your angle here like are you doing I didn't even think about the royalties you pick something that's on if you pick like the Chicago Bulls song or like a song that they play in an arena

with two minutes to go those people are probably just cashing checks every a song that they play in an arena with two minutes to go. Those people are probably just cashing checks every fucking day from being played in an arena. I didn't even have a second thought. It's ACDC Thunderstruck. It's a hot song that gets people pumped up, but also is in fucking countless promos and fucking movies and TV shows. Anytime there's an intense scene, Thunderstruck is in the discussion to be playing for that. And, and,

and I don't know how much you get for that kind of shit, but it just goes on forever and ever and ever, you know? And like that will, that will never, I feel like pop songs don't really last as one hit wonders. I feel like there's a lot of one hit wonders in pop. So it's kind of like,

it's just kind of forgotten. Cause like basically every year there's a one hit wonder. Right. But like, if you could have a one-hit wonder right well like if you could have a one-hit wonder of something that was that stood the test of time like that like as long as sports exist acdc thunderstruck will be played in arenas and stadiums stuff like that that is a great answer i have i have three choices that i need to whittle down number one would be call me maybe just because if I was the creator of Call Me Maybe, I mean, that's like painting the Sistine Chapel in my mind.

What an interesting twist that is, though, because Carly Rae Jepsen, arguably one of the best pop stars alive, but she'll never. Yeah, dude, her like her new album. I was going to say the opposite. Huh? I was going to say the opposite. I can't even name another one of her songs. Most talented. She's like people.

She's not as big as Call Me Maybe ever was. She's not as big as she should be. But all of Carly Rae Jepsen's albums are unbelievable. That makes me think that she's just a terrible businesswoman and has a bad team and stuff. Because if you are talented and you have the record of the century with Call Me Maybe and you can't get back on top of the charts, that's a problem. I think her team is our boy Scooter.

I think she's got Bieber's squad. Scott, you got to figure it out, Scott. How goddamn stupid do you have to be to ask someone else for the podcast version of Masters when you're well- known for fucking Taylor Swift over hers. Right. That is some tone deaf shit. So Call Me Baby I think is just

not since like Beethoven's concertos has there been a better piece of music in my mind. It's a great one. I feel bad though. I knew that was going to be at least some people's first reaction like Call Me Baby and it's a shame that people think of Carly Rae Jepsen as a one-hit wonder, because she's not. She's fucking awesome. She dropped a new album last week.

Go listen to it. I know what you're saying, but she is. She is, but she isn't. She's fucking... But a hit is defined as popularity and charts and shit. She's too popular to be a one-hit wonder. A one-hit wonder, you can still make music, but you have to be complete obscurity. She's still like...

She does well. She does very well. But, like, there have been articles written about, like, her last two albums that, like, they're, like, the pop album of the decade. They were fucking great albums. How is that possible? I mean, I couldn't even tell you a song off it. Fuck.

I mean, I just feel bad for Carly Rae. I wish she should be rich. Yeah. I mean, she's rich. She's definitely rich. Well, all right. But, I mean, for Call Me Maybe, she should, you know, give her the goddamn Medal of Honor for Call Me Maybe.

I, for me, like, growing up, I think that the same version was Return of the Mack. I feel like there's not a person alive who doesn't get kind of going when that song comes on. And if you were like, yeah, that's me, I think there'd be some value there. But my official answer, I think it's one of the greatest

pieces of music ever. Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. Oh, that's a good one. It's just, I mean, have you listened to that song recently? Like, really listened to it? Yeah, like, Luke Combs went viral singing it recently, so I weirdly have listened to it many times recently. It'll fucking make you cry,

man. It's some shit. It's some shit where it's like, it's like a four or five minute song where you'll learn like four or five life lessons that you'll carry with you the rest of your goddamn life. If I met Tracy Chapman, I'd be like, I'd bow down. Like, you are, you know, you're a piece of, like, of history

because of this song. So, you can go with the money angle, you can go with the popularity angle. I'm going with just, like, the classic music angle, fast car, Tracy Chapman. Next up. I think, just to speak up for Carly Rae one more time here, I think Kiss, which was, like, her

album right after, I don't think that one did too well. And that's why people kind of just wrote her off as a one-hit wonder. But Emotion and Dedicated are bangers. Really, really good albums. Are they selling records, though, or are you just saying it's good music? It's very good music. I don't know what the numbers are, but I'm just going to check the billboard,

see if she's on it with her new album. Go ahead, Nick. I'm just going to check her like the billboard like see if she's on it with her new album go ahead Nick hey guys so a couple podcasts ago some girl with a voicemail basically being like okay how do I tell a guy that he

needs to last longer or whatever and I just called in because I feel like this demands clarification because I feel like

when people call in like this then guys think think that, oh my God, now I have to last, like, an hour in bed. For example, one time I had this guy who told me whenever he gets a blowjob, he always, like, tries so hard to make it last as long as he can and, like, will try so hard to, like, not come. Which I think is so rude. Like, that's very rude like when I'm giving a blowjob like I'm gonna go all out like my like what the hell do you want me to do that for an hour and my boyfriend now like I think my people will come like right away so once I do I'm like okay I don't really want this to last like that long cuz I don't really want this to last, like, that long, because, I don't know, so,

anyway, I think we need to talk about, like, how long is long enough, like, yes, if your boyfriend is coming, like, within 30 seconds, yes, grab your romance place, so, I do not, no one wants hour-long sex, no one, I think, what, I don't know if we're just speaking facetiously here or just throwing around exaggerated terms. Like, no goddamn kidding, no one wants sex for an hour. We might as well say a month. I don't want sex that lasts 10 years. I mean, 60 minutes?

There are, you know, you can watch fucking unbelievable television shows that are 41 minutes of entertainment. 60 minutes? Yeah. No kidding. We're not fucking sting. All right? I think there is a simple answer here.

You need to last long enough for her to come. I think, yeah. I mean, I don't know if I've ever been like, how long was that? How long is it longest you think you ever fucked? I honestly have no idea. If we're talking like drunk times, I'd probably like probably hitting that half hour range. Yeah, I was going to say with performance enhancing drugs, I would say 30 minutes is my max. Imagine doubling that.

I mean, forget about the girl. I'd be out. I'd be like cramping up. I'd be passing out. It's impossible, let alone your goddamn vagina or whatever else taking that beating. Christ almighty. I think I think that like the best sex you're going to be having is when you're you're you've been with someone or you click with someone to the point that it's like, bam, bam, bam, bam. I know, like, I'm going to sit here, you're going to do that, I'm going to come within three minutes, you're going to come within three and a half and everybody's fucking happy. So it's one of the she takes, you know? And then sometimes maybe

not. Like, if it's going to take you seven, well, I might come in six. And that's just how it's going to be. I don't know. I always think about these things where it's just like, it's a discussion that's been going on forever. And it's maybe this is coming from discussion that's been going on forever and it's maybe this is coming from a place of privilege, shout out me, but I've

never been once been like that was too fast. It's like Oh, well I have but I also, I'm never you know, I'm not gonna. No, I'm not saying they're always like these crazy but it's just like I'm usually like I got the job done.

I also feel like anytime I've, I don't think I've embarrassed myself. If I've embarrassed myself, it's been with someone that I can almost laugh about, and then it becomes its own thing. Look, I'm not saying I got a perfect record, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I've never been run off the field.

You know? It's never been like, that was a complete blowout. It was a competitive match. I didn't win. I didn't get the W. No. You can't be like, oh, you mailed it in. No, I fucking tried.

I was out there. I had my hands in the mud, but sometimes it just doesn't go your way that day. You're not going to have an undefeated season, but you make the playoffs. You're a contending team. Well, yeah, I'll do more than Mike Trout does. I'm on track today. Mike Trout's just catching these hands. I also think of sex as when you see an infomercial you know, and they're like, this just takes 22 minutes.

It's like if you do anything for 22 straight minutes, you're going to be gassed. You're going to be fucking tired, man. So it's like, you know, it probably doesn't sound great to be like that sex lasted seven minutes. But I bet you like seven minutes in heaven. If you go lock yourself in a closet for seven minutes, it's a long goddamn time. People will be on the outside waiting, being like,

all right, I wonder what's going on. You know, I think, I don't know why, but that's my number. I think, I think sexual has seven minutes.

Seven, seven is a strong number. Seven is like, yeah, that makes that. I mean, there is, there is,

I've never like, I've never done the thing, like the, all the tropes i've never done like all right let's think about baseball teams and like yeah whatever happens happens i also i'm also talking about seven minutes of like intercourse because if you're fucking around four playing shit then i you know then i can get into that 30 minute range where it's like yeah i'm i'm not even hard half the time. I've been going down on you. I'm going to work. You know what I mean? But I also, so whatever, that's my number. I think the better philosophical answer is just so everybody comes. But what I think is a very funny thing is when you're getting head and you're

trying not to come, that's fucking funny. That's just, I mean, that girl is out there, she's leaving it all in the field and you're just trying to make it last longer. That's such a dick move. But it's also like, you know what I think? I bet you that's a sign that you're probably just not giving him enough head. He's like, this is like Christmas. You don't want Christmas

to be over like that. There's a reason why we make Christmas a whole month. Because when it's just one day, we're like, ah, it ended so fast. Well, that's blowjobs. Give it to me a little more often and I'll come quick. Yeah, it's like eating ah, it ended so fast. Well, that's blowjobs. Give it to me a little more often, and I'll come quick. Yeah, it's like eating a candy bar when you break it up into little pieces. The candy bar is the same size, but I'm savoring it more this way. Right.

But if I had, you know, tons of candy bars, I'd just bite it. So long story short, girls, suck a lot of dick. Next stop. Hey, KFC. Fight, Supersonic DC. Third time, long time. I just wanted to call and get your guys' opinion on something. I've noticed that Seal, the singer, has been watching all of my Instagram stories. It's definitely him.

Blue checkmark. I'm not talking like one or two of my stories. I'm talking like 10 plus and I'm not hashtagging anything. So I don't know why he's like singling me out. He doesn't follow me. He just randomly shows up is watch my story. My friends think I should message him. I don't know what I'd say. Maybe ask for a little live performance of Kiss from a Rose for Instagram. But just wanted to get your thoughts. Eva. I mean, you can tell by my reaction there, I didn't

hear the name at first. I'll tell you this much, and I don't know why, but if a chick told me that she fucked Seal, I would be wildly intimidated yeah I don't know if it's the face of his

or the fact that he was with Heidi Klum or the fact that he sung Kiss from a Rose but I am not trying to be Eskimo Brothers with Seal I am not trying to do those sloppy seconds because I just get the feeling that he put a beat down on her I don't even know if it would be like a beat down.

It would just be better than – longer than fucking seven minutes. That's what that's been for. At least, I'll tell you that much. Do you think that Chicks – like how far do you think celebrity goes? Like, I mean, I think Seal is – clearly I'm impressed with him, so I would imagine girls would be like, yeah, fuck Seal. But like, you know, with these one-hit wonders we're talking about, how much do you think chicks would brag

about fucking like... How about Mark Morrison, return of the Mac? I fuck the return of the Mac guy? Yeah, probably the return of the Mac guy. I don't know who Mark Morrison is. But if you... so you think the average girl, if she was at a party and someone was like,

you see that guy over there? He sings Return of the Mat. She'd be like, I'll fuck that guy tonight. Yes. These hoes out here, man. Well, I mean, put it on the other shoe. I would too. You'd fuck Mark Morrison? Well, maybe, but I was thinking more of the female version.

But yeah, he could probably... I don't know. I don't know what... I'll fuck girls who don't make one-hit wonders. It's different for guys or girls. I wouldn't fuck Carly Rae Jepsen because of Call Me Maybe. I think she's cute. Oh no, I don't think I would call her Maybe.

Both. She is cute as well. That would be a big thing. I would call her Maybe Girl. Can you imagine you fuck her and then you're like call me and then she never hooks up with you ever again she's like oh yeah i've never fucking heard that one before you six and a half minutes of sex you couldn't even last seven uh we did we didn't get to play the song twice to the bridge man, Seal, it's a weird one though if you're like a

normal young white girl, like why is Seal watching my shit out of nowhere that would be pressure packs for me, I'd be like boy these pictures better be good, I gotta get these thirst traps off Seal's watching I'd probably never post on Instagram ever again.

That feeling you get when you get a big following, you're like, oh boy, next tweet's important. If you know Seal's always watching, I would never post to you. You know what? It's mostly porn stars, but in their bio, it'll be like, it's like, at porn star two. And they'll be like, formerly porn star one, but I had a new account. I follow my new account.

I don't use this anymore because he'll follow. That's the weirdest thing. People who don't follow and like watch watch is so bizarre. I don't even know. I'm so bad. And so behind times with Instagram, like I still don't even like I hear everything so separate where it's like I can't I don't follow on Instagram because you can't retweet. So I can't like see people. I don't follow on Instagram because you can't retweet. I can't see people. I've never

typed in a name to go follow someone, let alone typed in a name to go watch their story and not follow them. That's insane. When you literally follow someone, not the social media version of follow someone, that's crazy.

Then you're really like, that's crazy. Then you're really like, that's like, stop. Actually following someone on the street is less weird than seeking out their Instagram stories and just watching them and carrying on about your day and not following them. That's weirder. I mean, as far as this girl goes,

by the way, though, if he was good enough for Heidi Klum, he's good enough for you. What are we even talking about here? We haven't even addressed the question because by the way, though. If he was good enough for Heidi Klum, he's good enough for you. What are we even talking about here? We haven't even addressed the question because it's such a dumb question. Should Seal is virtually stopping you? Should you say what up? Yeah.

From a what up. He's Seal. Fucking kiss from a rose, dude. That's a one-hit wonder that I would mind being responsible for. Is he a one-hit wonder? I wouldn't mind being responsible for. Is he a one-hit wonder? Has he had other songs? Well, yeah.

I think he had it. I can't think of it, but I think he had one more single. It's really hard to get through one-hit wonder, because usually people give you a second shot, you know? Yeah, that's true. What are his scars from? The fact that it wasn't that good. What?

What are his scars from? Lupus. They're from lupus? I think so. I might have made that up. I think it's a disease, though. I didn't know that. I thought lupus was only a thing on house. Seal scars

cause. Yep. Lupus. And what does that even mean? Yep, lupus. And what? What does that even mean? You got lupus because of scarring? Discoid lupus aristhiothipithipa, a condition that affects skin above the neck.

That's a motherfucker of a disease. It's like, you have skin all over your body. We're just going to fuck with this region right here where everyone always looks. Fuck you. That's a bitch of a disease, man. Fuck off. Lupus.

What a, what an asshole move. Uh, let's go to our last voicemail of the day. It's brought to you by Omaha steaks. It's Omaha season because father's day is coming up motherfuckers. So that means you're going to get your dad a bunch of steak, a bunch of meat. It's going to get delivered right to your house.

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KFC, Feidelberg, Super Producer BC. go kfc finalberg super producer bc i just finished up the uh episode of cck where y'all were talking about all the names that got phased out the gertrude and the agnes is the world and whatnot and it got me thinking about the name that got probably phased out quicker than any other name you know the exact one i'm talking i'm talking about all the adolfs so my question is in the year 2020 how many people do you think in the world are named Adolph and how much does their life fucking suck? Please let me know.

Yeah. So Adolph was probably I mean, nobody was naming their kids Adolph starting in, what, 1940? I have a friend named Adolf. No! Not a friend. He's a friend of a friend. I know a kid

named Adolf. Like someone our age? Probably your age, yeah. John! You know Nazis! It's like a family name. You have family friends that in the 1980s? No, not family friends.

Family names, I think. I don't really know them that well. But fine, you know someone who in the 80s named someone Adolf. Yeah, yeah. If he came into my house right now, I probably wouldn't recognize him. But, like, I know that they're – I just know he exists. He's a friend of a friend kind of deal. But I just know he exists because of his name.

And he goes by Adolf? As far as I know, yeah. Again, I don't know him too well, so I wouldn't call him a friend. But yes, I do know of at least one 30-year-old from New England named Adolph. 30-some-odd-year-old. What's crazier? Naming your child after the most infamous mass murderer of all time because of tradition. Hey, somebody else did it before me.

Like we said, all these rituals should be assessed yearly. Well, starting in the 40s, this one should have been abolished. What's crazier, going with the tradition or going by Adolf and being like, well, you know, my parents named me that, so I'm just going to, that's just what my name is. I think it's one of those things,

it's honestly kind of normal to me, just because I've heard his name mentioned. I think it's one of those things where it gets heavy fast. And then it's just like, well, that's just his name. I don't know. Do you call him full-blown Adolf? I honestly don't know if I've ever talked to him. I'm sure I've talked to him

at a party or something like that, but I don't know if I've ever addressed him. Again, I'm just more aware of his existence rather than anything else. I'm sure I've talked to him at a party or something like that, but like, I don't know if I've ever addressed him again. I just, I'm just more aware of his existence rather than anything else. I mean, I would go by, I would no joke. Absolutely. Legally changed my name.

Like the second I could, or I feel like it's one of the, why, why no, John, we're not going to do this. We're not going to do this, but what is like,

we still call people Joseph, like Stalin, like he was known by Stalin. But I think like, unfortunately is like, we still call people Joseph, like Stalin, like he was known by Stalin. I hear you, but I think like, unfortunately for like Joseph, Joseph is so prevalent. Adolf is a very specific name. But it's in Germany, wasn't it? Uh, well, sorry, dude. You know what else?

Adolf was just like that much bigger and badder than Stalin. I don't know. We've talked about that before. His branding game was... I mean, it was... The swastika forever, we talked about that. That'd be so funny. That was just a Hindu symbol for peace. And he's like,

no, not anymore. Yeah, so that's what I mean. Stalin was just as bad. But when you hear the name Joseph, you don't think of mass murder. No, for sure. You do. You know what's funny? I always get a laugh out of

because, again, I tweeted this fairly recently, but that Apple doesn't capitalize Hitler. Yeah, they don't even give him that A. Just a little knife twist. Like, are you going to be a genocidal maniac? Lowercase, forever. I do

want to give some props to Hitler. It is kind of cocky to at least theoretically, apparently not with this one dude in New England from the 80s, but he ended something. He fucking, boom, done. Changed forever. That's cocky. Yeah, he did a lot mustaches uh

hairstyles right i mean there was a while like there was a trend probably five ten years ago where like the hitler youth hairstyle was in probably should have foreshadowed something like we probably like hmm what's that all about we're trying to be the wrong direction here yeah i mean that's um you know you know for better better or worse, he left his mark on the world, no doubt. I mean, you hear the name Adolf, you think of one dude only. You know, you can say that about who? Who else, you know? Like, I guess, you know what?

Barack Obama's a pretty fucking unique name. You're never going to be like, who? Obama? What? What's crazy was when I tweeted that, I felt like, oh, it's wild that Hitler, he probably doesn't think the whole thing was worth it now. And people replied like, oh, Obama gets capitalized? Why was that the first thing you thought of?

We were talking about genocidal maniacs. You're talking about a pretty beloved president. I think one of the highest ratings when he left office. How is that your first response? Hitler? Oh yeah, Obama. That's a problem, man. That's a problem if that's where your brain goes. Those are not even...

Politics aside, that's just not a fucking comparison at all. I could be wrong, but I think he had the highest ratings, whatever, approval ratings, when he left office out of any president, I think he had the highest ratings, whatever, approval ratings when he left office out of any president, I think. So he was like, yeah, that was

like Hitler. What? Multiple people replied that. Oh, that's weird. Obama gets capitalized. Yeah, I fucking figured he would. I would probably tell you that literally every other name in the world, Apple's gonna, it's not like a name thing.

It's a Hitler thing. Right. It's just Hitler. That's the only one who's not getting the capital A, all right? Someone else is like, Beyonce gets capitalized. Like, Beyonce? What are you talking about? Where did Beyonce come into this?

You know what? All right. So Beyonce is up there. Like, there's only going to be one Beyonce. Right. I'm sure there are people naming their daughters Beyonce after her, but, like, you're going to think of Beyonce. There's only going to be one Beyonce. Right. I'm sure there are people naming their daughters Beyonce after her, but you're going to think of Beyonce. There's only going to be one Kobe.

There's only going to be one Shaq. Madonna. Madonna, that's not her real name, right? That's her stage name, but that's her name now, yeah. Beyonce is her real name, right? I believe so. Yeah, yeah, that's cocky. So, yeah, for the most part, it's going to be a lot of good names.

Like, you know what Stalin is? He's Jordan. Like, he doesn't own Michael. There's Michael Jordan. There's Michael Jackson. There's a lot of Michaels. That's Stalin. There's plenty of bad Josephs that, you know, we can't just ruin the whole name.

If you were going to ruin Joseph, then there's a lot of angry people. Like, come on. There's a lot of Josephs out there. All right. Let's get into our interview for today. We got Jensen Karp on the show. That's a great name, by the way. Jensen. Jensen's a good one. That's a name. I feel like you've got to say

Jensen Karp. That's a strong name. Jensen is the greatest white rapper you've ever heard of. One of the best TV writers in the game right now. He married a 90s icon. The American Hudson.

He's just got stories about Kanye and rappers and musicians and writers that it's just crazy. I was thinking a lot after our interview because you'll hear the story about his album. And he's very humble about it. But more or less, if you read between the lines, Eminem just like wouldn't let his album come out. And I would be so motherfucking pissed about that. And I would find a way to put that out. He has an album that he did with Kanye and Fabulous and Redman and all these great rappers. And he's like, yeah, it just didn't out. And, I mean, he's a better man than I am for that. I would be complaining about that to you every fucking day, every minute.

You'd be like, yeah, I know, your album. I know, it got, eh, never stop. So not only is he an interesting cat, but he's got a good head on his shoulders too. This interview is brought to you by Tommy John. I'm rocking my Tommy Johns right now underneath my pants. I'm as comfortable as it gets. I'm not wearing any underwear right now because I'm too damn hot. Was that necessary?

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Jensen Karp is here. Um, I think you're the most interesting man in the world. Oh my God. I'm definitely going to let you down. Honestly, though, like forget the dose that he's got.

You should be running that shit because your story, I mean, just reading up on you and watching some of the clips and knowing you're on pmt and learning about you from roan i mean rap art books right i mean you've done it all you know you've met everybody you've you've had the highs the lows it's crazy dude uh well i appreciate that and really truthfully uh top of the list i put adam frone so beyond anyone i've ever hung out with adam frone top of the list, I put Adam Frone. So beyond anyone I've ever hung out with, Adam Frone, top of the list. I mean, that man, for reals, he's like an enigma a bit.

Freak. He's a freak. Total freak ball. But I do appreciate that statement. But here's the thing, and I guess I've faced this more recently than ever. It's like I had a bunch of interests as a kid. I've always enjoyed pop culture. And I think that I somehow kept trying to make them careers and I've done it a

few times and that's been very nice. And I've just been lucky to not, and like you guys, like working at Barstool, it's like, I've been lucky to work in atmosphere and in certain jobs through the same shit I liked when I was a kid. I mean,

I'm sure it's the same with you guys in sports and pop culture and stuff. It's like, you get to work around the stuff you love and that does look very cool on a Wikipedia. Right. That's true. Yeah. What would you put work around the stuff you love and that does look very cool on a Wikipedia. Right, that's true. What would you put at like the top of your, I mean, I listened to your interview with Sam Roberts

and I know you said you call yourself a writer. Like that's just kind of the catch all. But if I had to pick, and we'll talk more about it for the people who aren't aware, but the rap career that never happened versus the art gallery, right? Like where, where's, what's your crowning accomplishment in your mind?

Um, I mean, my writing stuff is really what, I mean, I've met me nominated now. I had my own show with drop the mic. I worked with Sasha Baron Cohen on who is America, which was like a huge career achievement for me. I love him so much. And, you know, writing for Drake at the SBs and seen at the SBs. I mean, those, to me, those are the things I put. I mean, the way you just rattled that off, like you're an asshole, dude.

Honestly, those remember, those aren't just me alone. I'm in like a writer's room, but the truth, but the truth is is that those are the things that when you ask me what I'm most proud of or what I feel like I, I want people to know I did. Those are by far the rapping stuff. It's cool because I was a kid and it's like a weird mystery origin story and stuff. But I love writing and I really like sitting down and the process. And that's why I rapped. I didn't rap because I look the part.

I rapped because I loved writing it and I liked figuring out songs and the math of it all. And that's what I like most about writing. And that's why it's always been the top of my kind of top of my resume does that feel like a different world like a different lifetime to you like wrapping there yeah there are there are so many times where like you know what you did younger feels like a different lifetime yeah but it's like such a jarring split i feel like between like writing room and then i saw your pin sheet is um who was it who offered you fifty thousand dollars yeah i mean let me let me just quickly give a little explanation jensen uh used to go by the mc name hot carl yes where he would call into uh i think power 106 right yeah and you would do this

freestyle battle you won 45 days in a row yeah picked up you know all everybody in la was was you know uh taking note and mac 10 offered you in while you're in college mac 10 offers you 50 grand cash simply because mac 10 just rolls with 50k on it like it was it was very odd he well the other detail of this is that he came to my parents house because i went home to do laundry and he was like trying to find me and it got to my he called my parents house and he and my mom my mom was picking up the phone for a lot of record execs and rappers and stuff and at that time because there was no way to find me i was just like a radio guy right so she was listed in like the white pages or something and And so he gets a call.

We get a call from Mac 10. He had found us. He lived in the same city as us, which was even weirder. And he goes, where are you at now? And I go, I'm in Woodland Hills. He goes, I'm in Calabasas. I'm driving over. And he shows up.

And I told my mom, I go, mom, this rapper is coming over, this guy, Mac 10. And she goes, oh, I'll make some sandwiches. Sure. Jewish. Like for people, we have an older, a younger audience now. I mean, Mac 10 is a rap name. That's like original gangster type shit. He's not just some, some pop artist or whatever. Yeah. He has no problem saying he is a gang member.

Mac 10 was a gang member. Very nice guy. And actually, to be honest, so sweet to my mom. Very nice. They still run into each other in their neighborhood. But Mac 10 showed up. He showed up in a Bentley. He got out with a cigar in his mouth and a suit. And my neighborhood was like, who is this? And he knocks on the door. We sit down in my living room, which is where I watched the Muppets growing up. And we sat down on the couch and he put $50,000 on the table. And I was like, I had no idea what that even looked like. I'd never seen over $1,000 probably in cash my entire life. And he said, I'll give you this. This is a signing bonus, because he was stuck in some deals or whatever. And he's like, I'm gonna

give you this to hold you over while I figure out my business. And then when I figure out my business, we'll have a whole new deal. And I was like, this is such a great experience to tell later. But I knew that it was like, so shady. And Mac wasn't shady. He's a great guy. But like, he even later in the situation, we stayed friends. And he was like, I'm happy you didn't take that because I never figured out my situation for like another two years. And we would have been unbelievable business thought by you. But as a college kid, you toss 50 grand on the table too. Hey, here's 50 grand. If you go kill that person, most college kids say yes. I know. And I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't raised with a ton of dough.

We were, we were definitely middle-class. My dad was like a car salesman. And so I had, I had wanted it, but I also like, it was funny. He came with the 50 grand, but he also promised me a song with West side connection that day. And he was like, that's on my label, which is true. West side connection came out on who bagging, which was like the label he wanted to sign me to. And he was like, and that'll promise you that. And also I'll get you on a song with,

with T-Boz cause he was married to her. And then he was like, and then I want you to come next week and meet with me and MC eight. And I was like, see those things to me sold me more than the money. Cause I, but I did end up hanging out with mc8 but like i didn't do the west side connection song i didn't i didn't get the other stuff i would have done if i signed those those are the ones i regret not the money dude in when i was in college i was offered uh twenty thousand dollars and i was outright told this is we're going to steal your identity. It was, they wanted my passport.

It was like drug dealers. I was at a party at Rollins College in Orlando. And this dude was like, yo, like we traffic drugs. I will give you $20,000 for that passport. And I considered it. That was when I was like, let me get back to you at the end of the night i might i might take you up on that so it turned out fifty thousand dollars for a fairly legitimate business

deal yeah was would have been impossible for me twenty twenty grand for my life was was on the table i do imagine you as like a mary full of grace mule though like they they're like we're just not enough now you got to travel over the border yourself this drug goes in your butt so the mac 10 thing doesn't happen jimmy iveen and intersco picks you up though yeah yeah um for anybody who watched that that documentary a couple years ago on hbo i mean jimmy iveen is like that fucking dude right yeah he was a closer man he didn't he didn't call you unless he was going to close the deal. He, you know, uh, he did some baller ass shit to me to make sure I signed it. And, um, he put a bunch of money on the table and it was during the time where like the music industry was

like penny stocks. So they were just taking gambles on anyone that could maybe return. Uh, and so I, I signed it, it was worth like a million dollars. And I recorded an album with Kanye West, the Black Eyed Peas, DJ Quick, Fabulous Redman, Maya, Sugar Ray. I mean, it was like, it was a 19, or what was it? 2000, 2001, you know, absolute time capsule of the time. And they didn't really release it.

It didn't succeed in their minds. I mean, it was a whole weird story where like me and Bubba Sparks don't really ever get the publicity we deserve through Interscope. And neither of us were really pushed. And we both kind of were victims of how famous and how much money Eminem made for the label. Was that what it was?

Or was that, do you think Eminem was like, don't put those guys out? I don't think it was that. I don't think Eminem ever personally did that stuff. But I think that like the management team and all those things were just sort of like you're not putting out guys that are going for the same dollar right like it was that kind of feeling and i look back now at 40 years old and i'm like yeah that's business um but at like 21 yes but no i mean like and the reason i asked is because when mgk machine gun kelly did his battle with him last year he he flat out referenced m&m Jimmy Iovine, telling him, like, don't put this guy out.

So when I heard that and then I saw this story, I'm like, has Em been squashing these guys for 20 years now? Yeah, I think so. I mean, not him himself. I think the team and the Interscope cash cow kind of did stomp a lot of us. It wasn't just me and it wasn't MGK and it wasn't just, there's like a bunch of us. Like there's like a guy named Haystack and there's a list of us that came out that time and they really signed a lot of us,

not for as much money as me, but I had a little bit more buzz and I had someone bidding against him. So that helped. But I wrote a book about it called Kanye West owes me $300. It tells the story from beginning to end. I feel like I come from a very, I worked hard in therapy to tell the story from a non angry point. And I do think I

do well in a sense of being like, listen, it definitely was someone stopping me. I had Red Man and Fabulous on one song. Two thirds of it is dope, even if you hate me. You can put that part out and not worry about it. And they wouldn't put that out. And they were very sweet. And in the end I'm friendly with Jimmy Iovine now I'm friendly with everyone. I didn't, I didn't. Well, that's good. Let's not question Jimmy Iovine. Let's keep them on the good list. Is there, could you not, uh, did they just still own the masters and like,

you can't put this out in any way? They do. I mean, there is someone who's put it on iTunes and all the streaming services that I have nothing to do with and I don't argue it. So if you want to listen to it, it there it's aged decently well I think that if we talked like eight ten years ago I would have been like it's not online I would have just lied to you uh but I think because of like Little Dicky and G-Eazy and guys who use their normal voice and talk about normal things people are more used to hearing something like my suburban kind of style

um and so it's aged decently well, which is nice. Do you know, do you do anything with Lil Dicky? I feel like there's very similar stories of, you know, writer using rap to get, you know, that's the vehicle. Yeah, I know Dicky well. I interviewed him before Fame for my podcast I used to have called Get Up On This. And we keep in touch, text and stuff. Haven't in a while, but I've given him some advice in On This. And we keep in touch, text and stuff. Haven't in a while.

But I've given him some advice in the past. And I appreciate him. And it's not a career I ever would have wanted. So I don't look at it and feel... Even when my book... Because I originally optioned my book to Seth Rogen to make it into a TV show. And it didn't work out at all. And I just...

I don't really want to be front and center rap guy. So it doesn't... It's like... Even if someone plays plays me it's not something i really want to do in 2020 it feels like i'm a white guy and i rap like it's just like very like you're not going to beat lonely island and dickie's great so it's like to me it's like it's not it's not a scene i want to get involved in but but i mean like you're fucking such a good rapper thank you you. Like don't, doesn't party want to be like, I can kill, like I can make a fucking dope song that the world's going to like. Not really. I mean, I guess like when I think about that stuff, like it's really fun for a hobby and I guess it was always fun as a hobby

when I was a kid. And then when it became the front and center job, I was like, this doesn't really feel good for me. I like, I think that rap isn't necessarily a very... I love it. I mean, listen, all I do is listen to rap basically all day long. But for me, if I was an artist, I always felt constricted by it. I never really felt like I could do whatever I want and build a universe and all this shit that I want to do in TV.

In what way? Just like the subject matter you can rap about? Kind of. I mean, it's like, and then you got to get a hook and people have to feel it. And it's like, if I want to write like an eight minute song about like the legacy of jose canseco it's very difficult but then lonely island does it so it's like there there's a certain type and lonely island aren't rappers so it's like they've they've i always look at them and go that's a cool thing

like i would have been cool doing that i think they're better than me at it and and i just am like that's okay um but i was raised on like Cool G Rap and Chino XL and Raz Kaz. I was a little different influence. And so I'm not going to release an underground rap record in 2020, unless my wife wants to live on the streets with me. I have, this is a stupid question. Yeah, no, never. You said you listen to rap music all day.

Yes. How? How do you like, and Jensen, I mean this on the very base level. Yeah. How does someone listen to music all day? This is like, I've been searching for an answer for this. I can't listen to music.

Is it because, yeah, is it because, well, number one, I live in LA. So remember, unless there's a global pandemic,

I'm in my car a lot. Okay. Okay. So that's one. Okay. So I always listen to that. And then two, I walk my, you know, I have a 10 month old. So we walk and I listen to that and then two i walk my you know i have a

10 month old so we walk and i listen to hip-hop you know for an hour hour and a half i also because i'm i've been doing this my whole life like buying every cd that comes out on the back then tuesday and now fridays or whatever like i'm good at sampling so i don't need to hear like the whole thing so i'm not like listening to us and also by the way music now is like a 20 minute album i know right it's crazy so you could get through a whole album in like half a walk um and so like you know even if you go to like my you go to like my itunes now um you know like there's the the will smith uh remix with joiner lucas or you know and and then the grip album that came out like i'll download everything

ag club who i like new kids i'll download everything and then the grip album that came out like i'll download everything ag club who i like new kids i'll download everything and then i'll just listen through it and then it ends up in these albums and if i ever want to go back to them but do you let you like while you're working while you're writing do you listen to music um matters on what i'm writing but no not as much as i mean like no not as much i can't like if i'm listening to like grizelda everything in my script will be about guys shooting each other. You know what I mean? Like I have to be particular as to what I'm writing about. Okay. So that makes more sense.

Like we have some people at work listen to music all day and I'm, I don't know if I'm jealous of the ability or thank God I don't have it, but like, like people just sit there blaring music and writing always. I never understood that. Yeah. Those people I think are listening to the beat cause I listen listen to lyrics only so like i hear the lyrics when i'm listening so it's super i've always been like oh are you maybe you just hear the beat oh see i'm just a beat guy it's i'm i'm fascinating because all i can hear is the beat but all i can dance to are the words so it doesn't make it it's an absolute disaster that's why it doesn't make sense. It's an absolute disaster. That's why it doesn't work, friends. That's not a good answer.

You got to pick something. When you say you listen to lyrics only, you mean like you don't care about the beat at all? Not really. Or it's just secondary? I listened, like the other day, the other day we were driving, my wife and I were,

one of our first drives in literally like three months. And we listened to that Will Smith thing with Joyner Lucas. And in it in it he says i didn't have to curse blah blah so i had to explain to my wife oh that's a reference to an interview he did in the 90s early 90s where he said he thinks that it's lazy that rappers have to curse all the time or whatever and then eminem made it famous by saying i don't have to curse my records and uh so she goes oh what song is that in them i go it's in real some shady let me play it so i bring it up on the phone and it was the first time this song has been overplayed you know

real some shady is like it's like a door chime at this point like you don't even hear it if it's on and i listened to it and i realized that do do do do do do do is like one of the greatest loops ever played ever and i don't even think I ever heard it. Like, I'm like, oh, right. It has that thing in it. Like I had always just heard him lyrically. Like I don't, if it's all lyrics like that, where you're like, what's Eminem going to say next?

I really only listen to that. But then, you know, if like I'm a Barbie girls on, I definitely hear the beat. So what do you think about new rap? Are you listening to like the mumble rappers and all that shit? Cause that's not exactly lyrical. I know. You know,

I know it's not for me cause I'm 40. You know what I mean? I'm, I'm basically a narc at this point. Um, but, but I listened, I download all little,

little Lucy vert. I'll download all, all those to listen to it. And then I go, Oh right. This isn't for me. But then there's always a song or two I love on it. And so I'll stick with it.

But I downloaded the future record this last week. And I realized that it's not for my ears, but. And so I'll stick with it. But I downloaded the future record this last week and I realized that it's not for my ears, but I appreciate him and think it's great. But I, I, I now know my limitations at 40. It's crazy to me that you don't listen to beats when you were working directly with a guy like Kanye. Why does Kanye owe you 300 bucks? What's the story? I mean, it's a clickbaity title for the book. The truth is it's just one chapter in the book, but it's a, it's a,

it's a real like it's, it's like a truth is, it's just one chapter in the book. But it's a real... It's like a photo of what it was like to know Kanye before fame. That's what the chapter is. And he owes me $300 because I was rich at the time because of that Interscope deal. He was living with his mother. He had $0. And we were working on a song.

And he needed to take the train every night to get back home to his mother's. And so he didn't have the money if he missed the train. He can only afford the train every night to get back home to his mother's. And so he didn't have the money if he missed the train. He can only afford the train. And so I was like, well, I can't let you leave. We need to finish this song. We're like, this is our job. We're killing it. We have to stay with this. And he was like, well, I don't know. What can I do? And I was like, you know what? I'll rent you a car. Don't worry about it. It's on me. I have all this dough right now. When you have a lot of dough, you could do it for me, and uh and then he would just bother me all the time about paying paying it back and i

didn't even want the money back but after someone you know it was two ways back then like he would two-way me like every day i'm gonna send you back the money i'm gonna send you back the money and eventually you're like all right dude send me the money then yeah and then he got super famous i remember the john legend mixtape came out with i used to love her on it and i wrote him i was like dude i got this at amoeba and it's great this guy's killer and then he that was like one of the last times he wrote me and the money wasn't brought up um and then maybe once or twice we talked again and the money was brought up and then he never sent it but we were like we were like we went to the movies together we had lunch a bunch you know he'd come and we'd go out to clubs in la So we hung out a lot and the money came up every time

and he never paid it. Is that so bizarre? I was speaking of different lives earlier. Knowing Kanye before he was Kanye must be a night and day situation. Totally different person. Not even close to the same person. Most of those people i came up with

were like that like they were all and also like people used to shift to be more like me when they'd hang out with me which was also weird like like there's a story in the book where like kanye walks into baseline where we were recording and he goes oh man if i knew you dressed like this i would address like i normally dress and i was like what And then he showed up to the studio the next day and like vintage jeans and a, and a vintage Jim Morrison shirt. And I was like, I don't understand what this is. And like, when I did a song with red man, we started talking comic books and stuff. And I was like, are you just, are you just becoming nerdier? And so I never really knew what it was.

But whatever. Anyway, you gave them permission to be themselves? You think they were faking it or you think they were real? No, I think that when you're in hip hop in the 90s and early 2000s, I think that you have a certain... I mean, it just wasn't cool to be kind of nerdy. And now look, I mean, now it's like everyone can be in superhero movies, right? It's like it's not even...

Yeah. Did you... were you like surprised by kanye's rise or did were you like this guy's gonna fuck he's got it i always thought he was gonna be the biggest producer of all time right like i knew that like i was like because the first beat cd i ever got from him had h to the iso on it and i was like this is gonna be the biggest little romeo song ever and it ended up being a Jay-Z song which is great but but like there was a lot of great songs on that first beat CD and I was immediately on the phone with him like I called my manager I was like give me on the phone with this guy

uh Kanye or Kanye because it just said his name on it and I was like get him on the phone get him on the phone and so I was on the phone with him within like 10 minutes of hearing the beat CD and I was like this I was like whatever he wants to do fly him to LA whatever it is I was I thought we were like the new premiere like I thought it was like, this, I was like, whatever he wants to find LA, whatever it is. I was, I thought we were like the new premiere. Like I thought it was like that because also he sounded like just blaze, like his production sounded like blaze. So I was like, I can't afford blaze. I can't, I can't get the label to pay a hundred thousand dollars for a beat or whatever until maybe later. Cause I knew that they would maybe go to him for a single, but I was like, this is a dude I could just go to and get those beats and not spend that money.

Right. And so I always thought he was a big producer. When we were in the studio recording that song, he looked at me and he was like, you know, I rhyme. And that was the first time that I had ever heard he rapped. And then he's like, I'm kind of said he's saving all the good beats for himself. And I was like, I just paid you $15,000. Like, you know, you shouldn't say that. And so he rapped for me all the time. And I just never really got it. A lot of people say that.

So I'm not alone. But he had a different style. He was very breathy. He sounded like Mace. And I was like, I'm not into it. And he wanted to jump on the remix to Blau, which is a song I did with Redman and Fabulous and Clue. And I was like,

I told my manager, I was like just work this out for me because i do not want him on the remix uh and so he got him off but he is the guy yeah he's the guy yelling blau in the hook but i didn't let him rap which is just like proof that i should never have been a professional rapper well i don't i don't know man that like you said you're not alone and i still feel like you say that like rapping's not exactly his strong suit. Are you surprised at all by the mania of Kanye and the religious aspect, the cult aspect,

the political aspect, all that? Yeah. Every once in a while, I feel bad. I really do. It makes me sad sometimes. I don't know. Watching someone become a completely different brain is really weird. It's super strange. I've always been odd about it. My wife, who grew become a completely different brain is really weird. It's super strange. I've always been odd about it.

My wife, who grew up a child actress, every once in a while it comes up about like she was friends with Brad Renfro or she was friends with Brittany Murphy. You know, her and Brittany were on the same show for a while. And it's like, I go, is that weird? And it's like you kind of detach a bit from it. You're like, well, that wasn't the person I knew really, you know? And I think that's how I feel about Kanye, which is like, I feel bad. Like I'm like, I, when I watched it, I'm like, God, I wish, I wish he was

still the guy who two-wayed me asking for Blockbuster video recommendations. Cause I always thought that was such like a sweet thing from this guy. He was like a rap producer. He would write me and be like, I'm at Blockbuster. What should I rent? And I'd be like ghost world. And then like two or two hours later,'d write like i loved it like to me to me that was like the more fun version of him and when i see this i'm like oh man this seems really heavy do you think that's part of like celebrity like you you referenced earlier how like you worked hard in therapy to you know deal with certain emotions do you think that like connie becoming this is kind of just no therapy, no anything,

just taking in everything that happened publicly? Yeah. I mean, without any knowledge of him, I would guess that it's just, I mean, when his mom died, I remember thinking to myself, oh, that's the only guy I know who used to like randomly drop his mom into conversations.

Like he was so close to his mom. Like it was like, I remember even being like kind of, like he lived with her, but it felt like it was his roommate. A little weird situation? Yeah, it was just very, I don't know if it was weird as much as it was kind of like just something I had never heard before. And then when his mom died, I remember thinking to myself like, oh shit, that guy, like he loves his mom.

Like there's no one I know who's that. And so I just, if you look at the timeline as to myself like, oh shit, that guy, like he loves his mom. Like there's, there's no one I know who's that. And so I, I just, if you look at the timeline as to what happened, it's like, it looks like it all just kind of shaved right there. And so that, that's the stuff I think about a lot, which is, um, there's no, this is a good way of putting it. There's no one I came up with who got that famous and rich that didn't go weird. Yeah. So like... It's just like the price you pay, right?

Just the price you pay. I mean, Will.i.am and I were very, very close. And now he dresses, you know, like he's a leprechaun every day and talks about how he wants to like turn his arm into a robot. It's just like, it's like those guys to me, they used to be so grounded and down to earth. And now I couldn't... If you ran into them right now, would it be love?

Or would they recognize you or would you would they recognize you with oh yeah they would recognize me um i saw will i saw will how long ago did i see will saw will a couple years ago and it's super weird it's always weird it was weird when he wasn't famous so i i don't know you know i worked with him on a album a couple years ago before when he was like almost out and then trying to get solo record and all this stuff. I don't know. He's a weird dude. I, I, I, I think he, I mean, he used to be like the LA hip hop, like gatekeeper here. So it's just like, it's now he's just, I don't know. I, I, like I said, he's like, he wants to become a hologram or something. It's just like,

I don't know who he is. So. I guess it's just not possible. Right. To like, when you get that much money, not much like adulation and slots and enemies and all that like you just can't be normal right i don't think so unless you have like a really grounded we know a lot of people who you know are very grounded and normal and but they have to fight against all the stuff that you know like you look at the people like natalie portman or elijah wood or like or these child actors that were able to make it, Ron Howard or whatever. But it's like that's so – it probably takes so much work.

Right. Like you said, it's therapy and it's being totally cognizant of like rather than just being like, yeah, I'm going to do the drugs and go to the party and fuck the girl and make the money. It's probably much easier. We've talked about it where it can be such a gift or a curse. Daniel Radcliffe, he got all his Harry Potter money and was like, now I'm just going to do weird shit. Now I'm going to do the shit I want to do. I forget, Rupert Grint?

Grint, yeah. He just bought an ice cream truck. I think the first thing he's done since Harry Potter is that new Apple show he has. Yeah. He just traveled I think the first thing he's done since Harry Potter is the new, that new Apple show he has. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he just traveled like the English countryside and an ice cream truck.

That's a pretty nice life. You got there. Yeah. I mean, I guess you could argue it's also very weird. Listen, I have a very weird history with Shia LaBeouf where for a long time we were enemies.

And then we, I mean, I don't know. He wasn't, I don't know what we were. What was the beef? Well, I did a very dumb thing. I, I, I mean, I don't know. He wasn't, I don't know what we were. What was the beef? I did a very dumb thing.

I, basically he, you could find our apology online. I did it in person, which was very nice. But he did an art show here in LA where he put a bag over his head and it said like, I'm not famous. And he did it. And I figured out that the space next door to that was rentable. And I went to that

space and said, can I rent it for a day? And they said, yes. And I was like, perfect. And then I went home and I drew out what, basically through photos, I drew out what his art exhibit looked like. And then I took it to a production. I took it to Funny or Die. And I said, I rented this space. I want you to recreate the art show exactly the same as Shia's. Except at the end of it, instead of Shia LaBeouf, we're going to get Jerry O'Connell. And it's going to be like you walk into Shia and Shia doesn't talk at all.

Like he's just in a bag and you can say whatever. But when you go into Jerry's, Jerry never stops talking. And it was like this very meta joke that I thought was funny for me. And we opened it the second day. So we did it within a day. And we ended up with a bigger line than Shia. We got way more press than Shia. It was a terrifying backfire on his behalf. And I always knew it hurt him. I always knew it hurt him. And it was very funny. And it got me much further in my comedy career just by doing that and whatever. I regretted it. I didn't regret doing the joke. I regretted the years later of thinking about this kid who was obviously going through a lot of shit and doesn't have it easy

and was working through whatever he was doing. And I think everyday since then has become one of the most interesting and important artists, literally, of our generation. And so I just felt bad that I shit on like his early stage. And I should have been probably a little more open to it. Like I should have been, I should have just been like, this is stupid. Not made a whole fucking, spent a couple thousand dollars on it. That was just stupid. And so when he came into my radio show, when I had a radio show here in LA, I let the whole interview go. And then at the end, I said, I wanted to apologize. And he cried.

Wow. Yeah. I mean, he not only remembered it, he like knew every, I mean, he were like the whole thing. It like, you could see it came back in his mind in the video. And it was beautiful. I was, I just sat there and was like, you know, I've had to think out my life and my comedy and all the things I've done. And I regret i regret it terribly and i apologize on the interview or like off air no no it's all on air it's videoed and everything and uh you can find it online and and and and we've been you know at least a little emaily here or there but um he's uh you know i think he's fucking incredible and what he's went through over the years to get to that point is is really great i think that's so cool to do though

i think that's so rare for someone to do what you did where like i feel like in nowadays it's like you have people have to like stand by everything they ever said that was a joke that was funny and it's like sometimes i can go back and just be like i wish i didn't say that i wish i didn't do that it was a joke it is comedy but it was also fucked up. So, you know, it can be both. Yeah. And again, like I, I had another instance that's easily Google-able with me and Tom Hanks's kid with Chet Hanks. And that also was like a big thing like that, that I did.

And that was one of the ones that turned me. Cause it was like, he's, he, it's another weird thing where like, I prayed on someone who clearly was going through something and i think that as i've gotten older i've realized you can make fun of someone with a joke and here and there whatever but it's like to do a whole thing it's just you're like almost producing an insult and i i didn't want to do that anymore uh i will say i think maybe clowning chet hayes a little bit is a little more acceptable than Chet.

Maybe, but he went to rehab and stuff. I just didn't... I just shouldn't have... I mean, everyone's going through something, and I guess I would love to make jokes about Chet Hayes still to this day on Twitter. I would. It's just different than calling it out and being the face of making fun of them. Then you're kind of just a prick. And that, that's kind of,

that's what I've worked on. And that's kind of what the Shia apology was is like, I don't need, don't need to make a whole show out of it. I find that interesting. It's like, cause Barstool, you know, we've made our bones feuding with people and talking shit. I have gone after Lena Dunham and like all these people. And then you get older and you know, you get some life experiences,

some empathy and you realize maybe I shouldn't do that, but there is like a whole audience and there are people who find it funny. And yeah, like, you know, here's what I'm saying. I think you can make a hundred jokes about Lena Dunham. I think she's stupid.

And I think she says stupid things. Uh, I thought girls was entertaining. Uh, but, but I thought she, you know, I think she's stupid and I think she says stupid things. I thought girls was entertaining, but, but I thought she, you know, I think she's dumb and I think she says dumb shit. And I think she doesn't understand her privilege, but me making a show about her being fat or something like that's, that's the step that I'm like, we can be better than that. We can still make fun of her without making it.

I don't think people get like, like they'll send me an article where she's saying something fucking ridiculous and hypocritical i'm like okay i can write about that other times people will just be like look at this picture she's ugly i'm like that okay yeah whatever that's not what we're doing here that's yeah that's sort of the difference is like and also it's it's the it's the the rickles thing like i have don rickles tattooed on my arm here i don't know if i can even show you um right there wow yeah but like that's the thing is like he can sit there and shit on someone and at the end of the day you know it's from a loving place and i think a lot i mean listen there's a lot of

barstool that doesn't do that but there is i mean like the caleb's and the roans and you guys and though you know in the part of my take there's a lot of there's a lot of really good smart stuff that understands the difference between just all- out warfare on someone who probably isn't asking for it and you know making fun of someone who's stupid that's allowed we're all allowed to make fun of stupidity it's just i guess my difference is i felt like at that time i maybe uh was trying to make a career out of out of just like shitting on people and that's my battle mentality you know that's that's what i did my whole life and it feels better to do it in a battle than it does in your real life i remember roan telling me that like you know he he's just kind of mentally undressing people at all times you know like if i had to i could fucking i could assassinate you right now i'm not gonna but he's always you know it sounds

exhausting to be honest it sounds like your guy's brains are always stirring yeah well i don't do it like he does he i mean i, but I'm saying like, he, he still, you know, did one recently, but like, like I haven't battled for reels in God a long time in the decade, probably even longer. But like when I was really running and I was, you know, doing all the championships and all that stuff, like I, I've talked about in the book, it's like the practice that I used to do is I would put out magazines.

So I would take my mom's magazines or whatever like entertainment weekly or sports illustrated And I would open each page and then I would dress down each page and then start over and flip the pages again And so it was like I was like doing like weird, you know Lebron james-esque practice for battling and it was like then if bad middler showed up on one page It was all about bad and then I changed it. It was about flojo and then and then I changed it It was about whatever and so I was always and then I changed it and it was about whatever. And so I was always just magazine, magazine, magazine over and over until I got through like 2025.

Is that something that someone taught you or do you just think about it? No, I just did it as a kid. I knew TV could do it. I didn't know anyone else was doing it, but I knew that changing the channel could help. But then I just started to become too focused on what was going on in the shows. So then I just started to do magazines and that was so much easier for me. That's unbelievable. So you're running around as like a battle rap champion.

You got a record deal, whatever. Is this how you land Danielle? No, Danielle and I, Danielle was way, way later. Danielle and I went to high school together and we knew each other growing up and we were acquaintances. It was so funny this week, I posted on Instagram a video that a friend from high school sent me of me in the background being an idiot of Danielle. We weren't friends, but I was almost photo bombing a video. And that was the only... The video itself was so funny too. She's saying she met Marcel the monkey.

Yeah. She met Marcel the monkey. Yeah, she met Marcel the monkey. She's telling someone, someone's interviewing her, which she doesn't really remember, but someone's video interviewing her about being famous and what the cool parts are. And she's like, there's not that much cool. And then she's like, oh, I did meet Jim Carrey and Marcel the monkey from Friends.

And then I pop up pretty much right over her shoulder. And I'm just like, ah, like I make some terrible, it's a perfect representation of why she shouldn't be with me. She's like the superstars being interviewed. I'm like a scary animal behind her. Uh, and so, yeah, we went to high school together and we were acquaintances. And then when hot Carl happened and she was still famous, we would both go to the same clubs in LA. So we would go to like lounge or whatever. I was fine. I was like finally popping. So I was able to go to those places and I would see her there. We'd say hello. And someone would say, you went to high school with her. I go, yes, I know. Hi or whatever. And then, then we both

started doing radio interviews and, uh, she would do like man cow and I would do man cow or like Cosmo radio on serious. And they would go, Oh, you went to Calabasas high. We just had on Daniel official. And it was happening so many times that I think I reached out to her on social media and was like, this is so dumb. Why do they keep bringing it up? And she's like, I know. And then we kept in touch for like a decade. We both went through different relationships and stuff.

And then after a while, you're like, that person rules. Why didn't I ever think of that person? When you're in your 30s and then started dating. And then we got married like a year and a half later, two years. Honestly, that sounds like you can't really replicate it, but that's like the best blueprint possible. Right. It's like, you know, you know them, you have history, but you still kind of did your own thing. Enough that you both had the realization and now you're probably perfectly

happy. Right. Yeah. I mean, you know, no one's perfectly happy. Jeez. Are you perfectly happy? Yeah. Yeah. No, very happy. The other thing too is like, the first year of dating is always like, are you a serial killer? You know? And like, you don't have that

when you've known someone since you were like 15. You know what I mean? Since you were a kid, it's like, you know, you had similar instances and we both had really weird shit happen. You know, hers is clearly on a much larger level, but like we both had entertainment industry at a young age um that

kind of like helped oh i guess really in real life it's like we despite hers being a much more famous it's like we both had to go over the same hurdles like it's still like stay level stay calm be yourself like all those things that you had when we both had our missteps and we both had our it was like it was just it's very easy to connect on that level. And so now you're doing the podcast? Yeah, I'm doing a podcast called No Sports Report. And I was a morning radio DJ here in LA on K-Rock and we got let go at the beginning of the pandemic.

And that was like weirdly mainstream news because we were the first people to be fired in the time and listeners were not happy. And so a bunch of opportunities came up and this company called Treefort Media called me and they were like, listen, sports is weird. I'm a big sports guy. I've written, you know, read the ESPYs for five years. And they said, you know, no one is really talking directly to the athletes about what they're doing in quarantine. And we thought you'd be good for it. And I was like, dude, I think about it every day. Like I'm like, like basketball players, like we interviewed Colin Sexton from Cleveland and he admitted that this is like the first time

he hasn't played basketball in two weeks since he was like seven. Like he's never not done this. And like, so basically I get on the phone and every day we release a new one. And I, we talked to Justin Turner this week and Sugar Ray Leonard and Gavin Lux from the Dodgers and Nafisa Collier Lux from the Dodgers and, uh, Nafisa,

Nafisa Collier and, uh, like a bunch of great, you know, Chris Cyborg. Uh, like I talked to athletes and try to find an angle that isn't just, oh, is your quarantine? Like we talk about basically what's going on and, and, and where they think we should be and coming back. And it's just sort of a really relaxed conversation with athletes about things that aren't sports. Which it has, of course. I mean, that's the model, right? Yeah. We know sports report and score and team.

Are you regretting? Like, I feel like when quarantine first happened, we did the same thing. Everyone had a rush to be like, oh, this is novel. This is going to be fun. And then in three months, it just became life. And we're like god wish i wasn't doing all this shit on my plate right now yeah one large difference between score and teen and no sports port no sports port is a job uh score and teen is us throwing money

at people which is a completely different thing my wife and i every monday wednesday friday thought it was novel like you said to give away prizes we find around our house on instagram live on danielle's instagram where they uh answer trivia questions and we send them like a crock pot or like a 52 red robin card that we used once um and it was really funny and then we were like okay we're done with it and then danielle who has this like bleeding heart started to get a lot of social media comments that were like it's the best thing thing. It's making me feel good. And it was like, we couldn't stop. And now we're like, we feel like really beaten by it. And so, uh,

It just hangs over your head, right? You're like, Oh, I got to do that game show tonight. We did exactly this. It's the worst. We had to do now where we put our kid to sleep a little later. So now we're like rushing to get to the chairs i was like this is the opposite so we're gonna try to move the time a little but it's fun i mean it it's really had some really great moments we had john mayer come in to our instagram live and gave away a magazine from his house and it was a hilarious few minutes and we've had um

alec benjamin perform on it we had will friedel from danielle's show growing up he came and stayed six feet behind us. We had Jerry O'Connell stop by, a constant collaborator of mine. We had Lauren Lapkus come by. So we've had really fun moments in it. It's just like you said, it's a trek to do this during quarantine. It's so weird to complain about it because realistically, it's pretty easy. But once something flips and becomes a job, it's pretty easy, but there's just once, once something flips and becomes a job, it just like, it's never coming back.

Like this is just work now. And there's no joy in this anymore. I love, I like interviewing, but the truth is, is like when I get on with athletes, it's like 20, 30 minutes and I do it. It is different people every time, but it's like, when we do quarantine at this point now, it's just like, what are we giving away? You know, like every day, it's like another feel of, and not only that, like my, my wife who's a minimalist and I'm a pack rat,

she was so stoked. And I think even now we're like, do we have something? Like, are we running out of stuff to give away? You've got the CDs on the wall behind you. These are DVDs and stuff. I've given away three of them and I'm like, I'm done. But yeah, tonight I think we're giving away a Clippers hat that I have, a new era hat that I don't wear anymore.

That's really nice. And we are giving away a large poster of Danielle we found in the garage. It's like a weird 16-year-old poster that she had for a calendar or something. So we're going to sign that and give it away. Were you a Boy Meets World fan? Never seen it. Never seen it. No, I've seen two episodes now because she's shown me them but for some reason i think i aged out of it by like a year

or two and also like i was so hip-hop influenced um at that time that i think i was just like in my room listening to ice cube rather than tgi for tgif but i did i i know say by the bell backwards but i think that's just the way that's wild so you have the kelly kapowski of of uh boy with generation but you don't even like care or realize i don't know anything about it i i've been like i've i watched two of them i watched two of them now and they're really the one the two she showed me she showed me the scream one which is really good it's like a halloween episode and then she showed me another one that's about um writer getting uh inducted in a cult and i was like this is the center it's totally insane uh the episode where cory like wants to use her toothbrush so she shows her butt that's gotta be you gotta watch that one bro never seen it never seen it

so you were never like enamored with her from a topanga way you just were like that's a girl from high school i'm like whatever well i knew she was famous in high school I mean I knew that there was a show I knew she was on it but like it wasn't for me and I was like and I was like oh I guess that's a big show I mean Gabby Gabby Hoffman went to my high school too she was um on in Field of Dreams and like she was the kid and I think in Uncle Buck like she now and then and then she went she went on to Girls for Lena Dunham she's in a lot of stuff now. And I thought that was cool. She was in like a Woody Allen movie. So I was like, that's crazy.

Like that was more like what I was under like into. So interesting, man. Interesting. So, all right. I mean, good luck with the podcast and everything else that you're doing. You still got the art gallery and all that going? Still got the art gallery. It's hitting 16 years of Gallery 1988 in LA.

And yeah, people have been really supportive. We're lucky to not be running into some issues right now because we can't have people in the gallery and can't have over 10 people even if we wanted to have an opening. So here in LA- It's still all pop culture related. It's not-

Still all pop culture. I think it's such a cool like modern twist. So it's all artwork about TV shows and movies and comics, not necessarily like, you know, Foo Foo already shared. No, no, I never did that. The whole goal was to make fun of that stuff. It was like, let's do an art gallery that focuses on like Super Mario

instead of like, you know, a yellow dot that's worth 40 grand. Like we wanted to do something that was like cool and fun and, you know. Instead of something that's just clearly money laundering. Yeah, clearly something you buy when you're on Coke. Yeah, no, I was trying my hardest to not do that. And so, yeah, that's where the gallery comes in. It's really, it's gallery1988.com, and it's still great. It's still fun.

It's just 16 years later, I don't really run it. Is that something that you're, if you're not really running it, then you probably just answered this question. But you're not even considering coming back and stuff like that. You're not working out plans and shit like that for like- For the gallery? Yeah, for the gallery, for post-corona. Oh, yeah. I feel like I'm involved.

I mean, I'm not going there. But I mean, like I'm on every email. I'm on every... Yeah, we're trying to figure out what it means. I mean, I don't know. All of us don't know. We're doing well with the gallery, but I don't pretend to know. I mean, we just got two employees back into the space. So it's just sort of like I'm involved in all that stuff, but I don't know the answer. I don, we just got two employees back into the space. So it's like, it's just sort of like, I'm involved in all that stuff, but I don't know the answer.

I don't know what the answer is to any, I mean, remember here in LA, we are at home until the end of July, which is crazy. And then on top of that, we only have curbside as of last week. Shit. Oh, really?

Yeah, we could not, we only could ship until last week. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. So we only can curbside now. And there's like all these crazy regulations and stuff. So like at this point, I don't pretend to know anything. I just go, I just go, we could ship it, man. Or you can come and you have to call and email and we'll walk out with gloves on.

It's like, I help from afar. All right, man. Well, we appreciate it. You got a few minutes to do some, to answer some hypothetical questions from the afar. So. All right, man. Well, we appreciate it. Uh, you got a few minutes to do some, to answer some hypothetical questions from the internet. All right, cool. So this is our series called answer the internet, which is like all the questions we've got on the podcast and all the,

you know, the dumb shit from, uh, the internet that'll pop up. So I think my producer, usually we're in person and there's a card that you can read, but I think he can send them to you on a chat on here. Right,

Nick. Do you want to just maybe pull up the list that we were going to do for MGK? You guys were going to have MGK on? We had one, but the interview was going so well, and he only had like 30 minutes, so we kind of ran overtime. Big week. Yeah. I mean, yo, I had him all wrong.

I used to kind of think of him as like – Oh, I love him. Yeah. I love him. His. I used to kind of think of him as like- Oh, I love him. Yeah, I mean, now- Love him. His new song is fucking awesome. This like, direction he's going, I think is great. Two things about him.

Oh, three things about him. One, what a week, considering- Yeah, I'm in time. What a week. Two, he once did a charity thing for me early in his career for someone who was a Make-A-Wish. And he always has me as a fan from that day on he and he's went above and beyond he still keeps in touch with the family the whole thing i mean

he's a good guy and then third uh he once uh cast danielle in a music video uh and danielle went uh and then i think he realized she was in a different relationship at that time not with me uh and i think he realized quickly oh she has a boyfriend and put her in like a very small part at the top and then was like all right talk to you later like I think I think he definitely thought it was gonna go differently all right dude we appreciate it uh make sure everybody will listen to the podcast and check out the word of time all that uh thanks thank you so much see you guys bye I got some issues that nobody can see. And all of these emotions are pouring out of me.

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