KFC Radio - Jimmi Simpson, Gina Brillon, and Really Bad Negotiating Advice

Episode Date: July 30, 2019

Jimmi Simpson stops by to talk Always Sunny, Westworld and his new show Perpetual Grace, on Epix. Gina Brillon talks about touring with Gabriel Iglesias, why NYC sucks, why Chicago is really proud of their alleys, and if being a twin makes you crazy automatically. John is very, very bad at negotiating. The Lion King stinks. The worst shirt ever, Big Data, Jeremy Lin hits rock bottom. Voicemails include hard dicks in the textbooks, my girl doesn't watch TV, and could a 10 year old live your life.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Quality products delivered right to your door. They got something for you from head to toe. Your teeth, your hair, your body, your beard, whatever it may be, Dollar Shave Club is the easiest, most affordable, most convenient way to groom yourself, to look good, smell body, your beard, whatever it may be, Dollar Shave Club is the easiest, most affordable, most convenient way to groom yourself to look good, smell good, feel good.

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ships regular-sized products at regular places at whatever frequency you want. Once a month, every other month, whatever you need. Get the ultimate starter set for just five bucks at dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. that's dollarshaveclub.com slash kfc it's a big weekend. Big weekend. Pop Punk murdered it.

They are like a full-blown band now. Mulcahy's was a great host, as always, back on the island. I did so much shit this weekend, man. I was at a family barbecue starting at like noon, and then I went to the game, and then I went to Pop Punk. I was like, I'm not doing anything for a month, bro. That is my social activity. I go out so infrequently, I didn't have an ID. My wallet got stolen how long ago?

Like a couple weeks ago? I still haven't gotten a new ID. Really? I was like, shit. I have not needed to show an ID to any bouncer or bartender or anything in weeks. That's fucking funny. It's a bad look. I was like, shit.

I need to get back out there so uh yeah a lot lot going on uh pop punk is pop punk was awesome i saw lion king that was terrible yeah well you you already you you hate uh live action to begin with and like everybody seems to not like this what i mean i would have bet the rent that this was going to be like i can't miss oh i knew i mean i know it's going to make a live live action Live action, there hasn't been a hit yet. You said Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast was good. But the rest have been stinky, but they've been like not that good at movies.

Like Aladdin was the one that I thought was like, oh, this should have been a home run that they missed. The other ones, like Jungle Book's kind of like, you know, that's not everyone's favorite. And there's a couple others I think they did that it's like, that's not like one of the true Disney hits. Lion King, Beyonce, and all that shit was supposed to be a lock beating the beast is good because it's like there's only one person who's like kind of uh magical if you just make it

kind of like yeah like that cartoon yeah right right right you can make it a little more fantasy i don't know why the fuck beyonce did that she i'm guessing it's probably like she probably got 30 million dollars for two days of work. That probably is what did it. But there's prestige with the Lion King, too. I bet she was like, you know, I don't think she would have done fucking Jasmine's voice for the Latin, but I bet she'd be down to do the Lion King because of what it is.

But boy. But her voice carries weight. Like, when you hear, like, Beyonce. Is she Nala? She's adult Nala. I mean, Nala's in it for like 25 seconds. Yeah, adult Nala even less There really isn't like much of her Yeah so she probably did get like 30 million for like It's like two days of work if you're like a

Like Fiona and Shrek I remember What's her name? Cameron Diaz saying like 15 hours for like 20 million bucks and that was like Fiona's in every line Yeah Beyonce probably said like Simba twice She did there was one line that was so bad let me ask you this you know that one attack that one scene where nala gives me the fuck me eyes did they do that

in the in the real one you know like they're playing they're playing wrestling and then he pounces on her yeah those are the greatest fuck-me-eyes in the history of sex. It comes from a lion. They weren't like that fuck-me-eyes. A fictional lion. It was like they did a bad job even with that. All the replications. I'm out on that movie.

I'm out. As we were coming into the studio, John, for those who don't know, me and John don't talk until the microphones are on. Until the cameras are rolling, we don't speak because almost everything is content at this point and he told me like i got something to start the show he also told me it's very visual and then as i was trying to plan out what what ads i was going to do i said you know what would you call this and he just goes it's a fashion show so if you're listening if you're watching on barstool gold right now i think you're about to see some shit if you're listening stop what you're doing go to barstoolgold.com slash kfc

you can uh watch the podcast watching the podcast is always better and it's been something we've been doing for since the very beginning when we used to put all our shit on youtube everybody always liked watching our faces and seeing our reactions and shit so you should always be watching on gold but apparently apparently, certainly today, go to barstoolgold.com slash KFC. Bites, the floor is yours, homie. Close your eyes. Oh, God.

I'm not going to hit you. No, no, no. Close your eyes. Do you have a tattoo or something? I will tell you when you can open them. Are you going to show me your tubes again? No. Are we doing play-by-play here, John?

Do you want us to set the stage? Give us one second, and then we're going to... You do a little play-by-play here, John? Do you want us to set the stage? Give us one second, and then we're going to... You do a little play-by-play, Brent. I mean, the shirt is off. Oh, Jesus Christ. The shirt is off, and we're almost set. Is he going to be like this? This is something.

Seriously, don't show me your views. No, it's not that. But this is... Is this a new shirt? Yeah. Oh, boy. I can hear it, like, ruffling. Is it, like, a fluffy shirt? It's not that. But this is... Is this a new shirt? Yeah. Oh, boy. Is it like... I can hear it like ruffling. Is it like a fluffy shirt?

It's soft. Is this the worst shirt in the history of the world? Is this one of the ones, one of your six? I got it. It was an Instagram ad, and I bought it. So I bought it. It came in yesterday. Yeah, oh, boy.

I mean, perfect for the Lion King. I mean, it's all tying in together. I didn't know there were drafts all over it. Pretty hard to miss, John. I just thought they were like cool patterns or something. I didn't know it was a three-quarter shirt. Yeah. Oh, I thought that was rolled up.

I didn't know it was. Oh, this whole thing is a disaster. I thought that was. I thought it was a full button down and you were leaving open. It's not. It's got buttons down. It's not even buttons. It's just open down to the bottom of your chest.

It feels like. It feels like. It sounds like paper buttons. It's just open down to the bottom of your chest. Take a pull-up. It feels like laminate. It sounds like paper. Yeah, it feels like laminated toilet paper. But as strong as real toilet paper. Oh, my God. Yeah, you should chop that up and wipe your ass with it. What are these things? These look like steaks.

Look like uncooked steaks. I mean, it is without a doubt, without a doubt, the worst shirt. It's got this only on one sleeve. What? You can tie it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not on the other. Oh, no, it's there.

It's there. That's got a button somewhere, right? Usually there's a, yep, you button it like that. So you roll it and hold it up with the buttons. What a catastrophe. Now, it's an Instagram ad, so you probably got what you paid for. Oh, I used $12. Yeah, yeah.

I was going to guess single digits. So this is not one of your six shirts that you're hyping up that you said you're going to wear. Oh, it was one of them. Yeah. It was one of them, Kev. Just came out like this. How did you miss the Gerbraeops? They're very big.

I don't know. I probably had like two glasses of wine. No one buys Instagram ads sober. You've become a full-blown basic white chick. I had like two glasses of wine. And no one buys Instagram at Sober. You've become a full-blown basic white chick. I had a couple glasses of wine. I bought some shirts off of Fashion Nova on Instagram. It was actually new chic. Thank you.

Ooh, buddy. But that's almost so bad it's going to become a thing. Like that'll become a shirt for you to wear. I don't know if I can ever wear this shirt. I mean, you should wear that to the live show because it's like a thing now you know what i mean people are like oh that's the shirt man that's the draft shirt doesn't have a collar no it's yeah it's not everything about this shirt is just a little fucking off where it's like a lot of full button down no collar three-quarters sleeve a couple drafts like it is

i don't even think that was a fashion statement. I think they just screwed up and made the sleeves the wrong length. They were like, ah, fuck. We ran out of material. Shrip it. It's just an Instagram ad anyway. Yo, Instagram ads are the best and the worst thing ever. I've gotten some of my favorite.

I got the Sherpa half-length robes that I've been wearing, like, every night when it's cold for, like, two, three straight years. One of my favorite purchases ever. And then I've gotten, like, denim jackets that are, like, that are toilet paper. I've gotten workout shit that is complete trash. It's because they have all your data. They know. They know everything. But they can also craft the perfect ad that, even though this is garbage, they're still going to trick you into buying it.

That's why people buy these things because they know all your weaknesses. Do you remember the other Sherpa thing I once sent you? Yeah. The three-quarter length jacket that was like – it looked so fucking dope. I mean that was the worst piece of – that was the worst garment I've ever purchased in my life. I sent it to you. It was like big fire. I bought like every color.

I was like give me beige. give me navy, give me black. I'm going to have Sherpa jackets for days, dude. Bought four coats for 70 bucks. And at no point did an alarm go off in my head. It's a jacket, a three-quarter length one that should be like hundreds of dollars that you got three of them for under $100. It crinkled when I got it out. It was like. I don't know what it is about the Instagram.

For some reason, when something's cheap, it doesn't register. If I walked into a store and it was $12 for a shirt, I'd be like, well, it's going to fall apart in one walk. It's always marked down. It's regularly $179.99. Today, it's $12. It's a good product. I think it's $12.93.

Again, just a little bit off. Why $12.93? Why $12.99 yeah that's a strange number it's not good it was everything about it was so right i like instagram ads are the best too though because you can like you basically surprise yourself with gifts like i i bought a sweatshirt three months ago i haven't gotten yet oh yeah that's the other thing it always ships in like 12 weeks yeah because they're coming from. It's like five days to three months. Alright. That is because some guy in a

rice paddy field runs over to the factory, grabs that shirt, hops on a bike, bikes across the entire continent of Asia and Europe, gets on a boat, ships that, shows up at your door for the one fucking shirt, and then he goes back to China.

The biggest piece of shit system in the whole world. Shout out to Instagram. I watched on Thursday, I think, Thursday night maybe, I watched The Great Hack, which is a Netflix documentary, which is like, it's pretty okay. My mom loved it because she's what we strive for. My mom loved it because she didn't know anything. She's not on social media or anything like that. But the one thing that stuck out, there are a couple things that stuck out.

One, I didn't know your data is the most expensive resource on the planet. Yeah, more so than oil. It surpassed oil last year. I don't know if I believe that. Two, Britain classifies it as a weapon, your data. Such a bunch of pussies, Britain. Three, one of the guys is a a teacher a professor and it's like yeah it might be how the documentary starts and he's asking his class like how many times have you

gotten an ad where you swear they're listening to you yeah and like the whole class raised their hand and he starts laughing and he just goes honestly that's just proof of how good their data on you is he's like and i think that might be scarier. He's like, they're not listening to you. Yeah, they don't have it all year. I mean, here, okay. We kind of, this pops up like every fucking week now. And we kind of disagree on it. But until I'm framed for murder,

you can have my data. Like at the current juncture, all it's doing is making me buy ugly shirts. That's not that bad. I'd like it to stop. Look at me. You might be at that point, John. It is a weapon, Kevin.

I am at rock bottom because of this shirt. You're trying to tell me whatever got me in this shirt isn't a weapon? They can make you do literally anything. When a fashionista walks around in this shirt that is powerful man i told you though they said they compared it to big tobacco they said people were smoking and they didn't know it was a problem they were like ah i'll worry about the

future i know like it's gonna be just as bad as lung cancer i hear you that's what they're comparing and when that happens i'll put my hand up. But I'm just saying right now, the worst that's happened to me is I bought four Sherpa jackets for $82. And that's just not that bad yet. Things are bad for my boy, Jeremy Lin. We're going to do a little rock bottom segment. You rock bottom for you and your shirt. Rock bottom for Jeremy Lin, apparently brought to you by Stitch Fix. I rock Stitch Fix.

You should rock Stitch Fix because I i like clothes but i don't like shopping i like getting new presents but i don't like uh having to go out and you know like i like new clothes that that someone else kind of picks for me so i go outside of my comfort zone a little bit because if you open up my my my drawers in my closet it's just 55 variations of blue shirts so i need someone else to maybe say, hey, why don't you mix in a green or even a red or something else as you sit here in your giraffe shirt.

Maybe you could use a little Stitch Fix too, John. I think we all could because let's be honest, we don't know what we're doing fashion-wise and Stitch Fix does. Why are there so many giraffes? So many giraffes. It's one thing if there's just the one drafting. There are... I guess the

ugliest shirt ever. Three, four, five, six, seven. Seven rows of giraffes. There's got to be seven rows times I would say those have like 40 to 50 in here. So you probably have like over a thousand

giraffes on your shirt. Someone was like you know what we should do? I got an idea for a shirt. It's red, white, and blue. Everyone's like, okay, I'm with you. And 1,000 giraffes. And we'll sell it for $12.93. Gold.

Yeah, listen, if you're getting got on Instagram ads or you're like me and you buy the same thing over and over again, Stitch Fix is fashion professionals who will put together a custom-made box that fits your style. You want to be casual. You want to be sophisticated. Do you want to be playful, whimsical, whatever you want to be? Stitch Fix has got it for you. I added in whimsical there.

Casual, sophisticated, playful was on their copy. I added whimsical. That's what you get when you advertise at KFC, right? Yeah, buddy. Better vocab, yo. Stitchfix.com slash kfc you'll get 25 off your first box when you keep everything so you give in your size your style uh you know your desired look and they will put together a custom box of all sorts of different pants shirts accessories shoes whatever uh and you only keep you only pay for what you keep if you don't like any of it you can send it all back if you like everything keep it and the first box when you

keep everything you get 25 off a quarter off when you go to stitchfix.com slash kfc i got it feidelberg needs it so do you jeremy lin his video went viral this week we'll play the audio here and in english there's a saying it says once you hit rock bottom the only way is up因为有一句话说 当你跌到谷底的时候 你只有往上爬 但是对我来讲 好像每年那个谷底 是越来越深

所以自由球员的 And so free agency has been tough. Because I feel like in some ways the NBA has kind of given up on me. And I always knew if I gave anybody a reason to doubt, they would. This is one of the more laugh-out-loud funny clips. I knew it was coming because I only saw it from your tweet, so I knew how it ended. I knew that it was going to be talking about free agency. But despite that, he almost totally shifts gears from weeping to,

so yeah, free agency has been tough. It sounds like a joke. It hits like a punchline. It really does. It hits perfectly like a punchline. It seems like a spoof. It seems like a skit of some sort. Like, get it?

We're being overly dramatic about NBA free agency. But no, he was quite literally weeping, using the term rock bottom, because nobody has offered him a contract. Jeremy Lin is 30 years old. He's played eight or nine seasons. He's won a championship. He's made $65 million. He has become an Asian cultural icon.

And he has a Harvard degree. Rock bottom was the phrase he used as he cried uncontrollably. I mean, dude, I know. I mean, so I tweeted about it on Monday, on Saturday morning, because I got such a kick out of it. And it got like a few thousand retweets, which is always enough to just get into, you know, when we talk about like people are saying, you got to get like a little bit viral before you get exposure to like every side of the argument. But I just I mean, I was exposed to the softest corners of the Internet and and it made me sick.

The amount of people defending this guy rather than just accepting it for what it is. It's a funny fucking clip when a guy who's made $65 million playing professional sports who literally just won a championship. There's a picture of him from like a month ago, soaked in champagne, holding the trophy, smiling ear to ear. He made it to the pinnacle.

He also, I mean, insanity was like, it's the stuff that they make 30 for 30s about 30 years old. Like it's not like he's greg odin and never got a chance to ever play out his career brandon roy who was like cut short because of injury he's had a very normal trajectory and and actually uh not normal like exceptional given how much money he's made and how much fame he's amassed but you know you you play you have a

little peak you get a little bit of playing time, and then you fade out. That's how it goes. Most of the time. I don't know what the average NBA age is of a career ends, not retirement, just like your career is over. I would guess it's probably 26. Yeah. If you think of all the second-round picks that will make it,

the unsigned draftees who make a team and then flame out, or the guys who, you know, the Dierks of the world and LeBrons of the world are the freaks. They play for 20 years. Most guys retire around 35, and then most guys suck and flame out before they even get cooking. My average career is four and a half years. Yeah, so 22 to 26 or 27.

I mean, guys, don't cry for Jeremy Lin. He's probably younger. Right, because of the NBA, you leave when you're 19. So you're probably done with your career most often when you're 23 so he's well beyond his prime i can listen i understand that he was probably using the term rock bottom in a relative sense when you want to get an nba contract and you don't that's the worst thing that can happen in that fucking scenario i don't i think you're putting too many stipulations on this it's fucking ridiculous okay all, let's go with it.

I mean, I saw so many of the fucking, like I said, the softest corners of the internet. I know you can be sad if you're rich. I know that you can be depressed if you're successful. And I know that, you know, he maybe wasn't using the term literal. But fuck all that. Fuck all that. It's a funny clip.

It's a funny clip from a funny Asian man with a funny haircut and big ears. Who got $64 million that he deserved. He played for two fucking weeks. And honestly. It's like Jeremy Lin and Matt Castle are the two where it's like. Yes, now time Hall of Fame type shit. You had a hot run.

I mean, Matt Castle was a season. But you had a hot stretch that you somehow parlayed into a decade career. Yeah, I don't know about Matt Castle. I know that Lin Sanity, I mean, he parlayed it with decade career yeah i don't know about the on matt castle i know that that lindsanity i mean he parlayed it with the knicks the knicks were you know just it was it was perfectly next for all that to happen and it's funny because carmelo was the one who basically ruined jeremy lynn's career by like not letting him play in new york again no one's crying you don't see carmelo out there crying he ain't getting a look and he's supposed to be one of the greatest of all time so actually actually, I'm Team Mellow on this one.

He's the one who should be weeping uncontrollably. But yeah, also, if it's all about the love of the game and shit, like, go play overseas. Right. If it's, you know, if it's all just about your plan. For everyone out there who's telling me it's, you know, it's not about money and it's all just about the passion for the game, he'll get a look somewhere else.

Guaranteed. He'll go play in China. And he'll be on the mic soon. Like, don't cry for Jeremy fucking Lin. He has quite literally struck like gold. He hit the lottery of human existence. Yep. He's crying.

Fuck out of here, Jeremy Lin. Hopefully he doesn't have any money for stupid fucking haircuts anymore. Yeah. Actually, what he currently has is like one of his better ones. He looks really ridiculous. He's just got like a kind of a like an Asian guy. Yeah. Like square.

Oh, he used to do like cornrows. Yeah. Yeah. Who was it? The guy from Crazy Rich Asians said that people just challenge him on the street all the time. That's a little bit disrespectful. Oh, yeah. That must be tough to hear that, you know, people just come up to him and be like, I

think I could take you. That gets frustrating. By the way, I was watching Crazy Rich Asians. It's on HBO now. It's making the rounds. I mean, that movie is so fucking unrealistic it's so ridiculous if you ever hid from like your girlfriend and like i'm gonna get marry you type of girlfriend for a year that you are like royalty back home that's like a wild like breach of trust like at no point did you're gonna tell me anything

about your family or like you know what i mean she just shows up and she's like huh you didn't tell me this like okay let's just roll with it what you've been lying to me about your entire existence for a fucking year he wasn't lying it's a it's an omission of truth john i mean john that it to not tell someone that you are literal billionaire royalty like oh what's your family like oh they're fine like that's a lie you're lying that's a fucking lie i mean you're right what kind of girl would just roll with that she's just like oh okay girl who's gonna get a billion dollars a lot better and also the fucking end spoiler alert where like she's kind of like cool with the mom

at the end like they have like a you know like a head nod she gives her the ring and everything like fuck that bitch that woman was a cunt yeah that was that's what we're gonna be like look i'm gonna take your money when you die but until then we're not good absolutely don't talk to me until you're in a casket bitch fuck that uh so it was funny like it was like what was it like a game what's the game they play mahjong or some shit whatever that's that's what i'm like you really bet like a billion dollars on the game i love by the way that you know that whole movie is obviously it's made for everybody but it's geared towards asian people and a lot of the like intricacies and nuances really hit home for asian people but specifically that like

you see her flip the dice over, whatever they are, the blocks. And I'm sure in Asia, if you're into that game, you're like, oh, shit. I was like, I don't know what any of that fucking means. A bunch of giraffes. I don't know. I don't even get it. So don't cry for Jeremy Lin.

Don't cry for the billionaires. But I did get a DM from a stoolie, a listener of KFC Radio this weekend, asking for some career advice. And I thought it was an interesting discussion. So we're going to do a little career advice, KFC Radio style, brought to you by Roman. Roman has advice on how to make your dick the best dick possible. By the way. Got a lot of uphill battle with me. Yeah, big time.

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get flagged, but Kirk said company, man, get Roman G E T R O a M R O M a N.com slash KFC. So I get this DM and it's an interesting one and you know, a little bit like Jeremy Lynn. So, uh,

this guy is, is going to be in good shape no matter what. So don't cry for him, but I think it's an interesting dynamic. He says, I got an unreal gig right now. I make $120,000 plus a year, and flexibility is unreal. Work maybe 20 to 30 hours a week. I'm my own boss.

I can come and go as I please. My commute is 10 minutes, so everything's good. Downside, I work in a shitty industry. I get shit on all the time by my clients. My company sucks. They don't support me or any of my new ideas or give me any things i need i also have to travel to india twice a year for two weeks at a time which i fucking loathe so a lot of good uh some pretty standard bad like your industry sucks people shit on you that's just work and then and then some extreme bad like going to china twice twice, India twice a year for two weeks is a fucking lot. He gets a job offer the other day.

200 plus. Commission base said it can go up to 230. Five days a week, though. Commute turns into over an hour and, like, no flexibility at all. Now, he said, based on, like, his family, like, over 200 grand is, like, you know, we're going to have absolutely everything we need. Like, anything we can think of, got it we're set but 120 and all the flexibility in the world which way you lean in job a or job b i think it's it's a no-brainer 120 right like it's i mean i guess i wouldn't say no-brainer but i am leaning towards 120 it's it's the i mean he didn't describe the other job enough so so like it's just

no flexibility is all i i really hear there let me see we did talk a little bit more so um the current place he he brings clients in and then the quality of product is i don't i don't know what he does he's speaking very vaguely is out of his hands so like he brings them in and the company like botches it every time so he loses like six or seven clients and everyone blames him. So his name gets dragged through the mud even though it's his company's fault. That's the 120 place. The new place, he would be building a sales team. And so his success basically depends on the people beneath him, which makes him nervous as well.

So it's like 200 guaranteed. But to make that 230 is kind of now like it's out of your own hands. Whereas at the other place, it's all him own boss, own future, own destiny. But you're down with one 20. I just think India twice a year.

You're out on that. You're going to a month in India every year. No, thanks. Well, for here's the thing. I mean, I don't think they're going to,

I don't think he's like fucking in the streets where they're pooping. Yeah. I think, you know, in Deloitte when they used to do India, like I had coworkers who would go to India for like a month at a time and they were like, you know, put up in a crazy rich Asians type hotel shit and they were like balling out. Yeah. I see the India as a positive. I would.

Yeah. You like traveling in Chile. Yeah. I think that would be, I mean, I'm sure I'd get sick of it eventually, but like, I'm going to go to India for two weeks. That'd be pretty fun. Also, he's got a wife and kids, so go anywhere for two weeks. I got to go. I got to do a business trip for two weeks.

I got to do a business trip on the moon for two weeks. Like, let's go. You know, I just think there's 200 a lot. Two 30s a lot. One 20 is not not a lot, though. You know what I mean? If that was like 80 grand, I'd be like, come on, dude, you've got to take the money here. But I have seen recently,

granted I have crazy extenuating circumstances, but I was much happier a couple years ago when I was making less money at Barstool. Yeah. I was saying when I was negotiating my new contract, I'm not a great negotiator. Terrible. They were like, what's

a point you would just say? What's the minimum that you would have to work? Don't answer that question. I said, about half of what I make now. John's agent must have been like, fuck. I would respect that as a negotiator because then I'd be thrown off my game. I'm like, I don't know what to say next. What?

Less than currently? If you guys cut my salary in half, I am not going to be happy. But I'll still work here. You're going to hear about it, but I'll be here every day at 1130. That is amazing like what it's like yeah about half if you look i'll start i'll do it i actually i actually cannot believe you said that that is staggeringly stupid so maybe we're not the best people to be giving advice take that with a grain of bro, as you listen to us do this year. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I was honest.

I was like, look, I like this job. I'm going to keep working here. Yeah. But please take care of me. If I could get a raise, that would be great. If I could just not get cut in half, that would be even better. More than half. Half would be tolerable.

Don't cut me in half by 51%. And then we got problems. This is like Kramer just taking the coffee. Yes. Sold. Yes. I picture, you know, in Arrested Development, he's like, I got the worst fucking lawyers. I picture the opposite.

The agent's going, I got the worst fucking client. Barstool morons. So, look, I genuinely meant that but but it's also different i mean you also have the flexibility i come when i want but you're single guy money really doesn't like it you know it's not like you're gonna i don't know what your apartment gets a little like shittier if you were to lose your money it's not that bad you got what yeah four years fucking hate it right don't care just whatever so again i don't know if john can really uh you're firmly 200 grand i i think so hour plus commute how about five days a week from when you're going

from 10 minutes to like like an hour and a half yeah i mean i've never had a 10 i've never had a 10 minute commute hour hour plus what do you do now you're like probably like 40 minutes right yeah yeah so like when you're hitting like an hour 10 that's a long time for 80 more grand yeah i think i'll be all right. Yeah. I don't understand this flexibility thing. I mean, working 20 to 30 hours a week is pretty fucking light. That's a lot of flexibility.

If you work 20 hours a week, it's four hours a day. It's less than us. He's living the fucking dream. He's basically getting retirement for 120 plus with commission. I think he said he makes like 150 on a big year. 150 grand through 20 to 30 hours a week is a great game. I know, but that sounds too good to be true then. Like if you're considering other things,

then I don't think that you value that flexibility that much. You're right, that sounds fantastic. I mean, what I would really tell you, like Perfect World, is take the 120 to 150 and do something productive with your flexibility and you can make, you know, 230 like, I don't know, a podcast or something silly like that. But that's not as, you know, reasonable or realistic to do. You're probably just going to, like, go home early and hang out and shit like that. But I'm just saying, and again, I mean, it's just different for me because my whole life blew up.

But I fully believe in more money, more problems. I'm crying like jeremy lynn bro like i i i don't think it's enough money on the new job to and and it's not too little money on the old job make sure eric and ardini does not hear this podcast i'm annoyed by all this money i'm kind of frustrated it's ruined everything she'll take care of that for you. Listen, if she can, if Eric Nardini can rewind me a couple years ago and fucking undo all that shit, she can take the money back. Okay? Sold.

So, I don't know. I don't think we helped this guy at all. I think we did. I think, I think there is, I do not think you can put a price on convenience. And, again, this is coming from someone single. Yeah, I was going to say, do you know who can put a price on that? Your wife. Your wife, motherfucker.

And I think his kids are very young, so you got to think about when they really start to cost a lot of money. That's the real answer. Your wife will be making this decision. That is your answer. Ask your fucking wife. Because not only,

your wife might make the wrong decision but it will be her decision and then if it's wrong you'd be like fucking told you so you cannot put a price on i told you so the leverage you get if you are miserable every day you get to come home you did this yeah what are you what are we doing with this other 80 grand you bitch yeah so yeah there's definitely times where like i was i was fully on board with an incorrect decision that i 100 knew was incorrect that my baby mama was making and i was like but i just don't want to hear it so like let's ride over the edge of this cliff and uh but i will tell you the road ended exactly as we're flying through i'll be like i told you the road ended. Exactly. As we're flying through here, I'll be like, I told you the road was ending.

Told you we should have turned left. Yep. I've realized recently that having a family is fucking stupid. Oh, it's so dumb. Do you know how easy it is? It's so hard, bro. To just be alive, like for me. I have such an easy life. I know.

It's crazy. I like saving money. We know, John. I know. It's amazing how easy my life is. You guys are fucking stupid John. I know. It's amazing how easy my life is. No, I – You guys are fucking stupid people. So dumb.

And trust me. I'm fully aware. Like that was the one thing. When we used to do Adolescent to Adolescent, it wasn't about like hooking up with chicks or partying. It wasn't even about like the free time you had on the couch, like the literal like you got to watch like eight hours of TV. It was just the like – it was the ability to decide if you wanted to do that or if you got to watch like eight hours of tv it was just the like it was the ability to decide if you wanted to do that or if you wanted to party and fuck chicks or if you wanted to go to work like whatever it was you wanted to do you do that is fucking infuriating

i just this guy just lives the life he wants to live that ain't fair that ain't right it's crazy it's wrong it's like it's like like i i i i i just said that i told my bosses that if they cut my salary in half i would still work here and i'm not even the top 50 percentile stupidest people in this room you know what it is having a family is not stupid having a family when you're like absolutely really not ready to have a family is what's stupid and i'm not saying that like i don't think any of us are i don't think anybody's ever ready to have a family until you're just thrown to the goddamn fire there is no way to do it gracefully there is not there is literally not one new parent in the world who's like i am completely and totally prepared

for this i get it i've i've been waiting i know it nothing is throwing me for a loop i think just i'm good filthy rich yeah just so much but i mean. I think you just have to be filthy rich. Yeah. Just so much more. So you don't have to be. So you pay someone else to be. Right. No. Yeah. Kim and Kanye.

Just 18, 19. Think about it. Yeah. They love their kids. It's great. As soon as they start crying, they just hand them to someone else. Think about that. I pay someone to take care of my lawn.

I pay someone to take care of my electrician shit. I pay someone to take care of my plumbing. And I pay someone to take care of my humans. It's just when you have the money to be able to do that, that's what you do. The problem is I do pay someone to take care of it all day long. No, no. I just need to keep that person around.

I know. You know what's sick? Give them an extra shift. Really what it comes down to is like for working parents, it's only hopefully three to four hours a day. You know what I mean? You get home at like six. You're hoping you get your kids in bed by like nine or ten at the worst,

like when they're young and they go to sleep early. And you're still like, oh, fuck this. What have we done? That's why stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home dads, or full-time caretakers, sickest people in the world. Worst job ever. Oh, yeah. I used to be so warped about about that i was like oh i'll

be a sugar i'll have a sugar mama i'll be i'll be a stay-at-home dad whatever no fucking way not for all the money in the world man but yeah the the ease of your life is nauseating yeah saving i mean saving money is saving money is crazy i can't believe how much money i don't save given how much more money i'm making now it's just like it's just gone completely fucking backwards life has gotten so complicated and so expensive that as they add salary i lose money motherfucker every other decision i made before kids you were just like i just don't have enough money to do that yeah when kids come along it's just like uh they need to go to school and i can't afford that though i don't have that amount of money and we're just like we're doing it anyway here's my credit card yeah the money coming in is less than the money going

out by quite a large margin that's crazy yeah it is it sucks it ain't it ain't fun man and that's like two incomes two pretty good jobs. Now, granted, we probably could live a little more modest life. But it's also not like we're living lavish. At least I'm not. So how much money do you got to make in this goddamn city? That's really the thing, too. It's just like, why do we live here?

Yeah, we could build a podcast studio in Ohio. Yeah. I mean, that's... It's a guest. Yeah, but we don't need a guest. Oh, yeah, speaking of guests, we've got Jimmy Simpson on the show. Jimmy Simpson, you know him as McPoyle and Westworld. At the time we did this interview, he was pushing his new show,

Perpetual Grace Limited, which is on Epix, which I know people go, like, oh, what's Epix? I don't have Epix. It's a movie channel. They have a couple of original series. They have Pennyworth, which is about, like, the origin story of Alfred the butler from Batman. And they've got a couple other shows. Get Shorty, people say, is good.

At the time I did the interview, I had never watched it, which is why – I mean, that's the whole point of doing these interviews is to do the promo. And it's working because I had a free Epix promo this weekend, and I watched the show. So we did this interview like a week or so ago. And in the time since we did it, I started watching. And it is so fucking awesome. I know. I got to get it. I didn't get the free Epix weekend.

I got to buy Epix. I'm going to. I mean, my shit expired on Sunday night. And I only got a couple episodes in. And I will 100% be getting it just for this series. It is like breaking bad mixed with the weirdness and the humor of fargo jimmy simpson is very it's got a lot of humor in a very like dark and like in a way that doesn't throw off like the the drama of it all really fucking awesome

so jimmy's on we talk always sunny we talked about westworld we talk about acting in hollywood in general uh we also have comedian gina brionne on the show we talked to her a couple weeks back during the blackout and she's a very funny uh she went on tour with uh gabriel iglesias and like so she's got herself a nice career going very funny new york chick so we talked to her as well so a couple more interviews coming up i just accidentally almost killed myself that thing's sharp did you almost let your i like scratched hard and I realized after, wait, this is really sharp. It's like a scalpel. I just scratched a vein.

Oh, man, imagine that. That would be such a good promo for Gold. If you were a real company man in this big negotiation of yours, you would slit your wrist right now on camera, you fucking pussy. You're a real pussy. It wasn't really sharp. I was just like... There's a scene in Perpetual Grace where he has to let himself get bit by a rattlesnake.

It's very funny. Very like, holy shit, but also the way they do it is very funny. I could see you being like, all right, well, I mean, I guess I got to slit my wrist for this year. Okay, so interview is coming up. But first, voicemails brought to you by LetGo. The LetGo sneaker contest is over. We did a contest. This is a very nice table, bro.

Yeah, you're going to hurt. Okay, you're done. You're done with the scalpel. It's over for you, okay? Christ. Scalpel one, John zero. Actually, scalpel two, John zero. Do nothing.

He's about to be a sweep. We did a sneaker contest with let go. Let go is the most efficient and easiest online marketplace to buy and sell your stuff locally. Things you want to get rid of things you need to acquire. If you're moving, if you are just looking for some new stuff, let go is the place to do it. So a lot of,

a lot of people use it to sell their sneakers, which obviously is something I fucking need to do, especially after going home and actually counting up the total 99 goddamn pairs of sneakers so many sneakers so many sneakers and like like 40 of them are like stupid pairs i really definitely this is awesome how this we went from uh like i gotta i guess i don't know i don't know where my money goes 99 pairs of sneakers anyway i got 99 pairs of sneakers but so you know what i always had justified that in my head because I started collecting sneakers

at a time when I stopped going out so I was like ah like 150 bucks that's like a bar tab here and there you know so but then but then I did

I did that 99 times so when you do that 99 times it starts to add up a little bit more than your bar so I we did a contest

we got a winner I'm gonna give him a pair of sneakers. I got a fresh pair of Air Force Ones that I never wore, so it's not like you're going to get my stinky old used sneakers. But if you got a stupid collection like me or an addiction to buying certain things, if you got yourself a giraffe shirt that maybe you want to unload, you got yourself some clothes or some furniture or anything that you don't need anymore,

or even if you do like it but you need some cash, LetGo is the best place to list those things, to buy those things, and you can start buying and selling today. Go to LetGo and make that money and give yourself some extra space around the apartment. Voicemails. Let's go. KFC, Fife, Super Producer

BC. So I'm learning anatomy right now, and I'm looking at the male reproductive organs, and I'm just wondering why they made all the dicks so soft. So if I could change one thing in the textbook, it would be have a little bit harder dicks, so you know, like the girls know that we don't all have soft dicks all the time. My question is, you could change one thing from any of your school's textbooks. What would it be? Okay.

So this guy is, this is one of those moments where you realize everyone's a little bit gay. You know, this guy looked at these textbooks and was like, I need more hard dicks. He called the show and said, if I could have one thing happen, it would be more hard dicks in books. You are the gayest man ever, dude. But he – Is that wrong? I don't understand how he – I completely disagree with this thing. I do too.

Because he wants it for the girls. And I want all penises girls see for their whole life, every anatomy textbook, I want to be the littlest dick possible. Terrible. And then so that way when they see me, they're like – Set the bar as low as possible. Oh, it's better than that dick I saw in health class. Yeah. When in health class, the balls is longer than the dick. This is better than that.

I think we should make a female Pornhub where the Pornhub for girls, Pornhub for guys. Pornhub for girls, guess what? All the guys, little dicks.

Me, I want, give me 13 inches for me. Pornhub guys, give me those fucking cocks. Give me those big ones with the dick girt that shoot a lot of cum. I want a lot of cum in mine too.

That's the porn i want girls you get the tiny dicks with no cum you're right i mean totally right i keep the bar as low as possible in my porn in my health textbooks in pop culture in movies whatever it may be man i that the one thing i would change smaller penises smaller softer dicks in health magazines or health books it is it is a little bit funny when you think about the fact that they're talking about reproduction it's like what's hard when you reproduce you know i like how you like very weird if a girl's taking a health class with dicks and stuff i'm gonna assume she knows that penises get hard yeah like that but but early on when you haven't maybe seen them yet if all you think is

like dude this kid's an adult yeah any girl in his class is an adult too they fucking know about like in like when in like fifth grade when you're not you might just think but you might think like oh okay the penis gets hard maybe you think it stays the exact same size though maybe you think it just goes like this yeah up you know it's like it also gets bigger it also gets bigger i swear it's better than that give me a minute give me a second i'll show you helicopter uh i had to helicopter myself the other day just for myself that's bad you know i was like i want to jerk off and i was like come on come on come on come on i was thinking to myself as i'm helicoptering maybe you just don't want to jerk off right now maybe it's just not in the car Yeah you raped yourself Nice I did I did I fucking raped myself

It was bad man It's bleak I don't wanna I don't wanna You're gonna do it Honestly it was like that It was like You're gonna be a normal man

You're gonna be a normal boy You're gonna jerk that dick off Okay Oh man It is bleak In KFC If I were right now Times are tough

At the Clancy household When you're getting raped By yourself I don't even wanna Fuck myself man My dick doesn't even want In KFC apartment right now. Times are tough at the Clancy household when you're getting raped by yourself. I don't even want to fuck myself, man. My dick doesn't even want me. Shit. Ugly, ugly times, man. Why don't he want me no more, man?

Why don't he want me? Why don't he want me? I'm sitting there giving a talk. I taught you how to be real good, too. Taught you how to fuck a girl, man. Why won't you help me? Holy shit, that was good. Terrible, terrible.

Please, next question. What's up, gentlemen? You ever think, like, what's wrong with me and us in general, but I really feel like I do it to myself the most. Like, I just didn't need to say that. That was not a question asked to me. The would have gone on it would have been a perfectly acceptable episode like why do i offer these things up a slave to this god i'm happy you do i know it's like it was funny to rape yourself so i'm gonna say it and i just didn't need to

i will get right into it i have been seeing this girl for a few months now. She's pretty much normal, all things considered. No real complaints. But there's one slight issue that I don't know if I'm blowing it out of proportion. I figure if anybody can weigh in on it, it would be that. Is this going to be something terrible? She does not consume any form of entertainment. Doesn't watch TV, doesn't watch movies, nothing. Game of Thrones, Office, Always Sunny, nothing like that at all. Not into any of entertainment. Doesn't watch TV, doesn't watch movies, nothing. Game of Thrones, Office,

Always Sunny, nothing like that at all. Like not into any of it. Doesn't understand like if I make a reference or anything. So seriously, tough on the sense of humor, considering I rely heavily on pop culture references. I think she dabbles in a little bit of reality TV, but other than that, really not much to talk about in the way of entertainment. So, am I crazy for thinking this is kind of a sticking point or a red flag or is it something that's kind of minor that

I should just get over? I knew it was going to be something exceptionally weird when it was like, I might be blown inside of proportion. I was waiting for him to be like, she's a murderer. But this is worse. This is honestly worse. Doesn't conform any type of entertainment. Here's the thing where it can be bad or good. If she is staunchly against it and is like, no, I will not watch that show, then break up.

But it's exciting if she's like, I've never seen it. I'd like to start watching it again. You might have a clean palate here. You might have a fresh take where you can tell her what to watch you can pick all your shows you can basically mold her her likes yeah and you just get to watch your shit again you get to enjoy i think by if by now you just like don't watch anything i think you're you're kind of a weird i don't think that she just like has never tried tv or had it or something like that i think it's like everything she watches. I mean,

girls are like this though. Like when he says she dabbles in reality TV show, like that's, that's actually probably what she watches. She probably watches the housewives and shit like that. That's it. So if that's the case, that's just a normal girl,

girls, the best, not the best majority of them, but a lot of them, they don't watch shows. They don't watch, they don't get into like a drama and they don't get the humor of like Always Sunny. You know what I mean?

I think a lot of chicks fall in a weird area where they're like they're going to be on Instagram and they're going to ask you a thousand questions if you're watching like an intense show. And then a show like Always Sunny where it's like, let's be honest, it's like some of it's vulgar and weird and shit like that. That's not always like girl humor. You know what I mean? Now, I'm generalizing here. There's plenty of girls who have a good sense of humor and like those shows. But I think it's actually, it's not like a, you must break up with this girl if she doesn't watch,

you know, Breaking Bad and Always Sunny. I agree. I think the most important thing in a relationship is TV. Is TV. I think my last girlfriend, I knew we went away for a weekend or something like that and she watched three hours straight of impractical jokers and i was like this is over this is this practical jokers is a tough one yeah this is it that's a tough one yeah like like i can

i can respect the reality tv like i'm not i don't want to watch housewives i don't want to watch you know some of the bravo things but i respect it like i know that that's for but like when it's a bad comedy or something like that it actually it led to our it led to like an awesome fight it's like she's like you're just jealous they're funny god damn bitch that's it that's that i mean that's the one that's that's the knife to the fucking heart you bitch but and then the exact opposite of my girlfriend now is like watches everything, and it's fucking awesome. It's great, right? We could just knock it off the couch all day.

I know some people probably think you're exaggerating or joking when you say it's the most important thing. I really don't think it is. Now, if you find that, that's like the holy grail. You can sit and watch all your favorite shows with her. She doesn't get antsy. She doesn't want to change the channel, all that shit.

That's, that's a dream scenario. But all I ask for is, is someone who like respects my TV time and my shows and under, and, and wants to do their own, like nothing on the couch. And I'll do some reality shows.

And then you've got to do some of my shows. And we all understand that TV is, is the main thing here. Like let's all sacrifice for the TV. If you have a girl that'll do that, you can have yourself a relationship. It's what you need. If she will not start watching those shows with you, then it's over.

You also need to understand that I bet you it's hot, right? There's no reason. What is it made out of? Can you tell me? There's probably no tag. No, I'm sweating my dick. There's no reason. What is it made out of? Can you tell me? There's probably no tag. No, I'm sure there isn't. There is a tag

with zero information. Check down here. Like on the... Nope. You know what? They were like, we're not going to tell them anything about this shirt. 100% 100% polyester. I don't think i've ever seen that a shirt with not an ounce of cotton not an ounce of spandex for like the the ribbing nothing 100 polyester

oh i'm so happy we did that that is so goddamn funny Oh you thought we were gonna make you uncomfortable shirt Bitch this is This is like a Remember I think Eddie Murphy I'd rather wear a shirt Made entirely of seashells This is I'd rather wear a shirt made of the insulation in the attic

100% polyester God damn That is it's terrible shit anyway with the girl uh a breakup she's not watching the shows break but if she watches like her own shows if she just has her own set of shows on reality tv you're still breaking up with her yeah wow i don't think you could do that i think you're gonna let a lot of like a good like really good pretty funny otherwise successful sexy girls go by You're going to be mad that she watches reality shows. I'm going to be miserable. You have to watch what I like.

Watch. Okay. I mean, I respect. If I have to sit on the couch and watch like you, if you watch like fucking CBS dramas or whatever, I have to fucking sit on the couch and watch. You know what? I actually disagree with that. I was thinking the other day.

Now, granted, it was just a different time in life when i have to watch ncis no see see that like i i have so many memories of like us as a family sitting around watching whatever was on like nbc that night and i know that was just because like what else is there to watch but in my head that's like what you do you know you get you get in the room with your kids and you put on like a whatever's on the tv and you all enjoy like the fucking 30 minute the 4 30 minute sitcoms. You do 8 to 8.30, 8.39, 9 to 9.30, 9 to 10. I'm also just realizing now how much I respect our parents for just putting on what they wanted to watch. Because I turn on the TV and he's like, Paw Patrol.

I know. Paw Patrol. I'm like, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Here. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

That's why, I mean, yeah, we were spoiled and they even were spoiled. But I think there's something, not that I want to watch those shows, but there's something I associate that with like, that's what you just do as a family. Now, you know what I mean? You're going to sit around and watch like Perpetual Grace Limited with drugs and violence and sex with your kids and shit. I don't know.

Is that how it works? Yeah. I guess so, right? Now it's just like, I'm going to watch Ozarks with my children. That's the wild shit, man. Times have changed. Hey, KFC Fight Super Producer BC. First time, long time. So I'm just

sitting here thinking, if you could give your body to a 10-year-old and then you're in the 10-year-old's body for a year, do you think the 10-year-old would keep you alive for that whole year when you switch back and like what kind of state would your body be in would you have a job what

would happen do you think he could go to work and do your job like obviously you would live and as the 10 year old you'd probably be the coolest guy at school. It would work out for him, but it wouldn't work out for you. All right, Viva. If you switch spots, if you switch bodies and brains with a 10-year-old, could he thrive as you? This is like the Leo conversation we had the other day. I mean, like a 10-year-old can't show up to Barstool. A 10-year-old couldn't do this job.

Nah. No, I mean a 10-year-old, I mean he could. I mean he could, but wouldn't. He could. I mean you're like a 12-year-old, I mean, he could. I mean, he could, but wouldn't. He could. I mean, you're like a 12-year-old. Yeah, but no, he's got to hit puberty.

He's got to be talking about his hard dick and stuff. No, but it's your brain. It's your brain. So, like, you would know about it. You know what I mean? Like, you could talk

to these things. You have your memories and shit. Wait, so I could talk to a 10-year-old? No, no. It's your brain and a 10-year-old's body.

So, you show up here, I'm just looking at like a 10-year-old boy. Oh, yeah. But you brain and a 10-year-old's body. So you show up here, I'm just looking at like a 10-year-old boy. Oh, yeah. But you can still spit that shit. You still have all your own experience. In fact, it would be

pretty funny. Our podcast would go to the top. He was saying when you switch back, what shape is your body going to be? And I think it's a 10-year-old's brain and his body.

He's saying they swap. Right. So he goes to a 10-year-old, but the 10-year-old mind has to come into work. Oh, I thought I was getting a 10-year-old body. Well, I think you do, but he was asking what it'll be like when you switch back. Because he says, like, could he do your job?

Like, would you still have a job when you get back? I think it's like, do you control your body to a 10-year-old? We're talking about John's brain and 10-year-old body shows up to work, right? No. The reverse. You have a 10-year-old body shows up to work, right? No. The reverse. You have a 10-year-old brain? Yeah. That's what I thought it was.

And then... Oh! Because he was asking when you come back, will you still have a job? Yeah, because you would be the coolest kid in school because you'd be like this dude who knows everything. Like, you show up as a 10-year-old, but it's like, I know everything in the world, and I know about hard dicks and shit like that. But here, a 10... No, no, no, no, never. I couldn't talk to a 10 year

old i mean again i'm talking to a 12 year olds but yeah i need 12 it's not yeah it's not i'm not much more mature if you gave me a 12 or 13 year old and we we press record and i was like so you jerk off today and he'd be like yeah and tell me about it we could have a podcast that's basically what we do i just did it 10 minutes ago i just did it so it's just it's a 10 year old no 12 13 year old yes yes i agree wholeheartedly you'd be fine i mean seriously if i was we should do this we should get a 10 year old a 13 year old would you rather be a ninja or a cowboy like what do you do with your dick on the weekend do you like to watch movies i mean he could absolutely slide right in here and

not jeremy lynn crying weird right yeah done done you like basketball i know i disagree i cry when i play basketball okay well now we had a discussion now we had a little back and forth repartee i think a 10 year old no 12 year old let's let's get a guest host here on ksu radio last voicemail brought to you by Brooklinen. You know who likes Brooklinen? My kids because they jump in my bed with me all the goddamn time now. Three people in the bed at all times now. They're enjoying my comforter duvet cover. They're enjoying my fresh billion count thread sheets, pillowcases.

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Promo code KFC. 10% off and free shipping right now. Hey, guys. I just saw the new Lion King movie, which was awesome, by the way. Terrible. And I was thinking about how when Simba gets raised in the air by Rafiki is one of the most famous movie moments in history. And not just lines, but movie actions, I guess. So what do you guys think is the most famous or most well-known movie moment like that?

But that doesn't have to do with talking. Oh, that's a good question. Most famous movie action? What immediately popped into my head was What's-His-Face from The Breakfast Club with the fist up at the end. Judd something? The bully guy. Yeah.

I actually was thinking that you were talking about the one where the guy holds up the boombox. What's that? That's another one. Yeah, he's like at her. That's John Cusack, right? Yeah, same sort of stupid 80s love movie, right? He does it for the girl at her window or whatever. I've never seen either of those movies.

The end of the break. I mean, we really couldn't remember them all that vividly. Well, the movie ends on that, right? It freezes the frame. I would also think, in my mind, as I said that, Rocky and Apollo knocking each other out and that goes into like the painting or rocky and apollo dancing in the water together uh the most famous movie action yeah no words a lot of sports things are gonna pop up because

it'll be a shot or a hit or something a punch um that's a good one with rafiki though i think you know i think that might be it. In all movies. Like you can't be, there's gotta be something. I mean, you're lying King someone, people know what you're talking about.

Yeah. Yeah. It's something that's, that's, that's like a popular meme. It's gotta, it gotta have the meme now. If it has,

it turned into a meme. Yeah. But so many of them are, are, are, you know, uh, dialogue based movie actions, the snap, Yeah, but so many of them are dialogue-based.

Movie actions. The snap. The Thanos snap. Oh, yeah. That's a new age one that's probably going to go down in big time history. I can't think of anything, to be totally honest. It's because you're a dumb 10-year-old. I was going to say Mighty Ducks, Gordon Bobby hitting the post.

I don't think that counts at all. But the Flying V. The Flying V would definitely be one. You're so dumb you were in the right. Right church, wrong pew, you moron. We'll give that some thought. Get us on Twitter. That'll be the discussion for the day.

Most famous movie action. No words and good voicemail by this chick. Makes your brain think. And tweet at us at KFC Radio, and we'll figure out the best movie action of all time. Now, by the way, I mean, just real quickly, John just showed me a tweet that said that all the Blue Jays clubhouse commotion was Marcus Stroman being pissed off that he got traded to the Mets.

And Marcus, I feel you, bro. I don't blame you. I don't even think that's a big deal like it's like that's not ideal but it's completely understandable i respect him trying to cover it up by being ultra positive yeah oh i mean that's that's that thanks for trying that is so mets but also just so real life it's like oh i'm gonna go to social media and pretend everything's okay you know i do that with my my home. I do that with my professional life. We're all doing that. It's like I'm crying and dying on the inside,

but hey, look at me in a picture of me as a Mets fan as a kid. I'm so happy. Yeah, I would be furious if I got traded to the Mets too. What are they doing? I texted Kevin. I just texted Kevin a why when I saw it. It's pretty baffling unless, like it would make sense if the Yankees did this, you wouldn't be saying that

you'd be like, oh the Yankees are just going to load up with as many people as they can they would keep Wheeler, they would keep Matz they would keep DeGrom, they would keep Syndergaard, they would go get Stroman and then next year but then next year, no I don't think it's for this year I think that like if they were like, we'll get him now

and then like in the offseason we're going to keep all of our pitchers. If you had a rotation of DeGrom, Syndergaard, Stroman, Matz, Wheeler, that's a very, very, very good five. You have Alonzo, Conforto, McNeil, three very good hitters. And if you went and you got two more, you would be a championship team. And you'd have to fix your bullpen too, which is something that a New York market could and should do,

but they're just not going to. So in that case, it makes no sense. They're going to do one out of like the four or five things they should do. But I really don't, I mean, people are like, how can you trade a young prospect? Those guys suck. They have the worst farm system in baseball. They're like 26th in the league. If you trade a top 10 prospect from the 26th ranked farm, it doesn't fucking matter.

So as far as I'm concerned, now, I mean, in Mets world, Anthony Kaye or whatever his name is is probably going to go on to be a Cy Young winner. But logically, they got Marcus Stroman for nothing. They traded two or three of the worst prospects. I've always traded prospects. I don't keep fucking with prospects. So it should be cool.

It won't be. And I feel you, Marcus. Well, the prospects are like in Sunny when they in Hero or Hate Crime when they're like the unscratched ticket represents hope. Potentially yeah. That's what Prospect is. And that's why Mets fans love it because we don't ever

have any real happiness so it's like let's pretend this shiny new thing will eventually be awesome and we did just apparently like supposedly get totally burned with Jared Kalanick so that's kind of in everybody's brain but you know marcus stroman's pretty cool i uh but i mean i i basically tear apart my metaphorical clubhouse every night with the mets too sometimes literally i'm in my own house throwing shit around because of the mets so i feel you man i wouldn't want that either

let's do these interviews jimmy talking McPoyles, Westworld. What else was he in? He's been a heater. He's in absolutely everything. From funny to drama to everything in between. Really cool guy. Really down to earth. We had a very good interview with him.

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That's cbdistillery.com, promo code KFC for 20% off. All right, KFC Radio featuring a very important special guest for John and I. Because we realize you might be like our favorite actor, Jimmy Simpson. Oh, stop it. I think you might be. When you run down your resume, man, it's like, oh, shit, I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I mean, it's an impressive lineup. I can't remember something you've done that I didn't like. That's so good. I'm not being kind. I'm blushing on this podcast. Justin mentioned like a few for the people who may not put it all together. Jimmy's been in Always Sunny, Westworld, House of Cards.

White House Down is one of his personal favorites, so we'll throw that in there. Psych, also a personal favorite of his. One of the best. Psych, I actually didn't. I don't know if it was my, I don't think it was my first viewing, but it didn't catch on. I remember I was watching Psych, and then I was like, oh shit, that's McPoyle. Psych was first, right? No, McPoyle oh shit, that's McPoyle. Psych was first, right? No, McPoyle was first. Oh, McPoyle was first.

I don't think anything was before Always Sunny at this point. That shit has been going on for too long. And then one of the best recent episodes of Black Mirror. I mean, you're doing it, man. You're doing it real big right now. I'm trying. I'm trying to do it. Is it weird? Because so many people probably do love Always Sunny and do think of you as a McPoyle, which, I mean, how do you describe it?

A milk-drinking freak? I mean, you wear robes and you drink milk, but you are, does it get funny for you where you're like, that's, you know, people think of you as this weird character, but you are, you prefer the theater. You're classically trained. Because we've had Glenn in here a couple of times, and he's in a similar boat. Yeah, yeah. Juilliard trained. Exactly. Does that strike you as odd, or do you wish it was another way around, or do you like that?

Do I like that I'm considered to be a bit weird? Yeah. Yeah, I certainly don't have a problem with it. And I love when – I'm proud of the work I do. You should be. It's unbelievable. when I'm proud of the work I do it and you know I throw my whole back into making Liam McPoyle

one of the most disturbing and yet hilarious and yet human characters you can possibly see so I'm glad it lands as human as you can be when you're like showering and potentially having sex with your brother as subhuman as chud like but I don't know why there's there's i think there's

always a little bit of uh stigma or whatever you want reputation something surrounding comedy versus drama where why is it you know considered maybe maybe not as revered if you're doing if you're capturing weirdness and creepiness versus some like dramatic character you know what i mean to me it's all acting and you're crushing both of them, so why is there maybe just a different reputation when it's a silly character versus a dramatic one? That sounds like two sides fighting when they don't need to fight. It's like LA and New York hating each other.

I'm like, you guys are different. It's fun. New York's LA, but drunk. And pale and kind of ugly. You're the pretty sober version of us. And LA is New York, but with just really full fabricated lips applied by a doctor. and pale and kind of ugly. You're the pretty, like, sober version of us. And L.A. is New York, but with just really full, fabricated lips applied by a doctor. But I think the craft of comedy

is exceedingly difficult, and the thing with comedy is it doesn't look as difficult as it is. Right. It's fun, and it's laughing. And you just made me laugh. Things make me laugh. Things don't always make me look at myself

and introspect and have a moment. But the craft of comedy is just as hard as drama. And so, you know, the slow play of my career, it wasn't necessarily planned, but I'm really comfortable with the slow play. And so with a slow play and acceptance of that comes lowered expectations. And lowered expectations make a life so nice, right? Keep the bar on the floor, man. On the floor.

Sometimes you dig a hole in the floor and then it gets into the dirt. So, you know, the fact that people were letting me do weird shit for them was a blessing. It was never like, yeah, but when are people going to let me be the romantic lead? Right, right, right. Because I wasn't anything in my own mind. I was just like, well, it's a craft. It's the craft of acting. And what the craft of acting allowed me to do initially was play a lot of weird guys.

So I was like, that's my thing. But did you – is there like a reason? Are you a weird guy? No. Like at some point are you like, wait a minute. The funny thing is it's just simple and shy. Like that's me in general. But I think the weirdness came.

I was actually telling someone this story recently. So I live with Charlie Day. Yeah. I mean, that's weird. That's where the weirdness came from. Well, here's the thing. So we were living together in New York City. Multiple times, yes.

Yeah. And we lived together in New York after theater camp. And then we couldn't get hired for anything. We lived together in New York City. We lived together in New York after theater camp. And then we couldn't get hired for anything. We both had little agents, but nothing was happening. So we'd make videos for each other. We'd make these weird sketches. It was pre-YouTube.

So we didn't show anyone but our friends and ourselves. And we'd watch them repeatedly because we got to act. And it was in-camera editing. Nobody had a computer. We were too broke for computers. So I'd hold the camera, okay, say a line. And he'd follow up with, now you say a line. And that was the story.

And I really quickly realized, okay, I'm never going to be as funny as Charlie Day is with this kind of hyper-explosive sense of comedy where he nails everything. And it's huge, and so it just makes you cry laughing. And so watching these videos of myself, I was like, what do I do? I'm not that funny guy. Well, don't sell yourself short, but I get what you're saying.

Yeah, just being honest. And then I started seeing, okay, well, what if I, I play kind of the subtler, more off-putting. My comedy will be in my stare. Off-putting is a great word for it. That stare is weird. Yeah, man. Right? And so we started seeing that that worked.

And obviously, he is one of the creators of Sonny. And he's like, I think I want to get you to do one of your weird characters for the show. And I'm like, bring it. Bring it. And it just became something I was pretty comfortable with. So I never, I don't take offense to the fact, because truly it's so not me that it's performance. So when someone says, yo, McPoyle, I'm like, I nailed that.

Right. I mean, it's like I've convinced you that that is me by doing such a great performance. I wish they didn't recognize me so quickly and across streets. Like, Nicole! Nicole! I'm wearing a suit. I don't have a fake unibrow on.

I'm not drinking milk. Exactly. Has there been any shift with Westworld? Because I feel like Westworld was a big one that's like, oh, wow, this guy is not just one weird character. He's got a whole range of tricks. Because Westworld, I'm too stupid for Westworld. I mean, you're talking about the difficulty of acting comedy.

The difficulty of acting in Westworld must be. That is some deep shit. But has it shifted at all where people are recognizing you from that more? Yeah, it shifted not only how people see my potential, but it was how I saw myself. I truly thought my career would be the small spice to the stew that would show up in small moments. And when Joan and Lisa asked me to join the club for Westworld,

I had never done anything like that. And so it became a new style of acting I'd never done. And that was my acting school. Was that a huge relief to kind of get that script to be like, oh, shit, now I have a chance to kind of break out of this role? Not even close. No, it was terrifying. Honestly, I was so out of touch.

I thought that Westworld was going to be like a send-up, like Starsky and Hutch, because I thought it was going to be a lighter version of a 70s kind of goofy sci-fi. Oh, brother. There ain't nothing light about it. And then I watched. I came in for my first rehearsal, and I saw, and Joan and Nolan showed me the pilot. I was floored.

I was like, how am I supposed to follow that? Because I show up in episode two. I was like, what are you going to do with me? And he's like, well, it's this. And I'm like, so it wasn't like, oh, yeah, give me my chance. It was like, oh, my God, I'm expected to pull this off. Okay, how do I do it? And so I prepared my ass off for that, and I really sunk into the role, which is something that's part of my nature, which is why I think I found this craft.

But really just fall for it. Fall for the writing and believe the writing and then make it truthful. Pull it off is an understatement. Thanks, man. I used to love doing it. I think we used to do a Westworld recap show maybe. Until I was too stupid. I would almost like you in the role.

I would study so hard before that, and I would come in and pretend he's the biggest idiot in the world. I'm like, you didn't get it? He's like, I knew that was what was going on. I knew the timelines were happening. I was like, you did? I was like, shit. Just all night up on Reddit.

I'm writing all these notes. What are you, an idiot? It's's so obvious you son of a bitch i told you that yeah you but it's all led now to uh perpetual grace limited which uh i'm going to go get epics to watch this yeah and i'm happy you're here doing this because to be 100 truthful i didn't know about it and it's already on episode seven and i think it's a crime because even just watching the quick trailer this looks fucking awesome it's it looks so it's kind of giving some breaking bad type vibes it's given it looks cool it feels ominous it's got you it's got ben kingsley it is a bomb squad cast and a very like dark type of uh plot so i mean i kind of quickly if you

watch this like three minute trailer you kind of get a feel for it but if you could just give a quick like synopsis from your point of view of exactly what's going on yeah well it's about a drifter uh played by me and he's kind of been floating down the lazy river of life you know failing himself on most levels. Yeah, I know the game. Yeah, we all do. That's the thing. That's why I love the role so much

because I saw myself in so many elements of this character and I knew that this was a solid mirror of a lot of us. Like, just getting by and sometimes thriving, but not shooting to be great. And so this guy has been getting by and he makes a shitty decision like we all do sometimes. We make the wrong choice. And it makes our already not special life fall apart. And so it's the story of a drifter who makes one final bad decision before realizing he has to make all great decisions from now on.

And it's a noir, you know. Can I ask you something? Yeah. What does that mean? What does it mean? We have actors come in here all the time, and they always drop a noir on us, and I sit here and I go, oh, yeah. I haven't heard it.

I know what type of show we're talking about. It's going to look a little funny. You know, there might be a P.I. involved, Lady in Red or some shit. Mostly like Shadows, noir, yeah. Mostly like shadows and stuff like that. Well, luckily I have one of the most thoughtful kind of observant creators, Stephen Conrad, who clearly states, because he does so much research, oh my God, when he loves something and wants to write about it, he finds out everything that's ever been done and he backs up what he's about to write and he uh he found roger ebert uh defined noir as

a story about a group of people clever enough to hatch the perfect plan but too stupid to pull it off oh i was way off on what i thought noir was but it's awesome cool very cool yeah man you talked about sinking into your westworld role it Did you sink into this one by trying methadone? The very first thing in the trailer explains you're going to try to pull off this $4 million heist, but in order to do it, you've got to actually get hooked on methadone because faking it is not going to cut it. The only way you're going to get embedded into this church, let's call it, of some sort, is to get hooked on methadone.

So, yeah, was there any method acting for the methadone? Methadone, you guys. So I didn't have to know. Not at all. Only cool actors are methadone. So yeah, was there any method acting? Well, the method-own method. You guys? So I didn't have to know. Not at all. Only cool actors are method. Oh, I don't know the method. I thought I was trying method-own. I tried doing seven bong hits in a row to see if that could simulate or, you know, stimulate.

No, I was just baked for four hours. Was that actually like a thought? Like, let me just get super stoned and maybe that'll kind of... When I was preparing for the bits where he is so fucked up from being pulled out and having to get addicted to this drug that he's then going to have to get off of. Yeah, because you don't get much time to rehearse on a television show. I love theater because you spend two months with these people and you craft this story

and it's different every night, but all of the motivations are clear. Everything is very clear by the time you open up the show. Whereas with television, often you get to run through it once or twice and then you just, whatever you've prepared, that's what you have. And so I like to fill up my experience before shooting that scene.

I was just asked about a heart attack I played, and they're like, how did you do that so real? Well, I did a crazy amount of research before we shot it. We didn't have time to say, okay, Jimmy, how are you going to articulate? No, I just did what I had prepared for. So I got real stoned and tried different ways. The logic makes sense. Yeah, I get it. I follow. I follow. I'm picking up what you're prepared for. So I got real stoned. And tried different ways. The logic makes sense. I get it. I follow.

I follow. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Yeah, trying to make those moments that I'll have to perform on film a little bit more clear. I don't, you know. But that was it. That's where you drew the line. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it just seems it's got a look of a darkness to it.

Yeah, there's like a pony brother. Oh, he's just brilliant. I think it's some of the best work he's done. And there's not a thing to think of that's – Better than Selfless with Ryan Reynolds? Come on, let's not get crazy. Come on, let's not get crazy. I shut my mouth.

But he is. He's beyond the top of his game. And then that look that you're talking about, that filmic thing. Where does it take place? it takes place in New Mexico yeah I was going to say like in the southwest

and we actually shot it in Santa Fe because it's just the creator Stephen Conrad just was so struck by how that oppressive yet beautiful environment

will be the main character in the show that's that's what I love Taylor Sheridan does that too where the environment is the character.

Comes part of the character. Oh, you're going to, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's been hard to find. I've had a lot of people tell me, well, how do I get to see your show?

And unfortunately, you know, you've got to either have an app. I heard there's like an Amazon Prime connection. Okay. I just heard that today

so I can't give you facts. Let's explore that. But there's that too and then the app that you can add on. I the good thing is that or your the world has been for a little while now shifting away from like it's got to be on this channel that channel or this channel you know like everybody's all sorts of different networks are picking up pretty cool shows epics has a handful of others that are worth taking a look so like it's it's not you know completely outside the realm of finding it.

But, I mean, it seems worth it. I watched three minutes and I was like, I'm going to go get epics. Oh, it's stunning. I'm so proud to be a part of it. Was Ben Kingsley intimidating at all? What was it like working with a sir? A sir, Ben Kingsley. Yeah, I mean, I gave him kind of a wide berth at first

because I wasn't sure what sir is like. And, you know, I like to give everybody what they need. He surprised me by being so goddamn warm. Talk about preparation. He made me feel like I just wing it. That man gets to work

an hour early to meditate and to be clear so he can do his best work. He's off book weeks before. He's just a consummate professional. Do you meditate? No. He's the bong. I musically meditate.

I put a playlist in that's calming. That's at the top of your playlist. Or a must-have on your playlist. For calming down, it would be Beach House. I could use that. Send send me your playlist please okay yeah i need it i need it do you um do you have any other actors or anyone else who sticks out who was intimidating who kind of made you feel like like sir ben kingsley did going on to set where you were like a little bit i don't know what this is going to be

like do you mean on on perpetual grace or any other, on Perpetual Grace or any other show. Well, I mean... Or movie. I mean, I had another sir in Westworld, you know, Anthony Hopkins. I forgot he's a sir. Yeah. He doesn't own it like Kingsley does. He kind of just... He doesn't own it. When you say Ben Kingsley, you say Sir Ben Kingsley. Sir Ben Kingsley is Anthony Hopkins.

Yeah, that's true. Boy, look at you, though, just checking off sirs, man. It's a subtler sir. Gotta get all the John in the mix next. But, yeah, again, you know what I find? Sometimes actors get a bad rap, and some of them should. Some of them are dicks. But the ones that are continuously brilliant tend to be here and present and alive and thinking and ready for

communication, ready for relationships. That's what I've found. The harder they work, the more indicator that is that they're good folks. They take it seriously. It's a responsibility. Not just to the producers and stuff

who are paying you, but just to the people receiving the story. Like, it's your job to make it special for them. And people who really care about that element of it are always pretty cool. I have a question that kind of goes back to earlier when you were living with Charlie, and this is almost more professional advice than it even is something to talk about. Drop it. How do you watch yourself?

We've been trying to do that ourselves. You were talking about how you would edit it and you just watch your videos over it. How can you do that? Especially at an age where you probably didn't have too much talent at that point. You were working towards it. So little. How tough is it to just sit there and you cringe watching it? My skin crawls. It makes me want to turn

it off. It makes me think I'm doing a bad job. I get down on myself. It's almost worse. It makes me worse, I feel like, but I know that it's something I should do. Yeah. Well, unfortunately for you, you're playing yourself. Yeah. And so I tell, like when I meet a musician, when I meet a musician, I'm like, I don't know how you do it because sure, that persona on stage, that's maybe not exactly you, but what you're conveying is that that idea is you. And so you're selling, this is me, and then you're making it believable. How the fuck do you pull that off? Whereas I have this veil in

front of me of, no, this isn't me. And so that's why I just feel a little bit freer. And when I'm watching the work, I think an actor needs to watch their work. Because like in your case, yeah, you want to know what works. don't want to know what what doesn't and yeah it kind of sucks the process of figuring out that doesn't really work but once you get past that you're actually just making yourself better yeah a thousand percent and uh i don't believe you you're wrong we're not gonna watch yeah it's not the answer we wanted to hear so yeah that's the other thing you think that you'd be just even further if you didn't spell your name like a dummy

what's that about you've never seen a Jimmy with an I you don't like the gay porn star stuff I gotta tell my grandma because I pulled it from her I actually signed up for Equity the theater union I went by Jim Simpson

generally until I was 20 something all my friends called me Jimmy but officially I would by Jim Simpson generally until I was 20 something all my friends called me Jimmy but officially I would write Jim Simpson and Jim Simpson was taken by Sigourney Weaver's husband who was the director of The Flea and so I had to adjust and I went with my grandmother's spelling of the name but that's that

it's not like a this would be cool I think it works it kind of separates there must be something to it So now we're assholes. It's not like a, hmm, this would be cool. I think it works. I actually do think it's I'm just impossible. It has an answer. It separates. There must be something to it.

It must be a story. It separates me from the other Jimmys. Yeah. But I also, I love that you're a Mary Lightly fan from Psych. I am. I mean,

Psych 2 is in production, but it's coming, right? No, it's done. It's all done. It just hasn't aired yet. Okay, and I hear it's the weirdest Mary Lightly we've ever seen?

Yeah, I would say so. Yeah, I would say so. It's pretty fucking weird. And James Rode is going to love that I'm on your show because he's one of my best friends. Oh, really? Sean Spencer, of course. I didn't know that. He was probably one of the first.

He kind of reminds me of, I don't know if you've seen the show New Girl, but he kind of reminds me of the first Nick Miller. It's kind of Jake Johnson. It's kind of this fast-talking but a little strange. I fell in love with Psych episode one, I think. I think I used to binge that nonstop in college. You know, a lot of that, Steve, the creator, you know, he's responsible for so much. But James is really responsible for a lot, too.

He came in with these ideas, these big ideas for it at the audition. And Steve instantly put him in the casting room. And James has been writing and directing episodes since the show started. And a lot of those references, the 80s references, the throwbacks, those are a lot of James' ideas. He's obsessed with things, 80s. And he would always try to get like people. He was on that before Stranger Things. What?

He was on that before Stranger Things. He stole it all from him. He was trying to pull every Brat Pack into Psych. And I think he pulled it off. But I go down in his history as the least sports knowledgeable man alive. I know of Phil Simms.

And that's my reference. That's a weird one to have. It's a sweet spot. When I was like 15 or 14, all the kids were talking about Phil Simms. I grew up in Jersey. And he actually

came to my town Hackettstown because there was this division between what we call the New York Giants or the

New Jersey Giants because the stadium is in Jersey and so he came to Hackettstown and had t-shirts that New York

Giants cross out New Jersey Giants cross out Hackettstown Giants and so that's why Phil Simms rests with me. It's not a bad one. Phil Simms is a good one to throw.

I mean, around here. Good commercial. I think Phil Simms got fired recently, so you're gonna... Did he? Yeah, Phil Simms doesn't do CBS anymore. Tony Romo took his job. Oh, right, right. Well, it's better to... You can have that name, too. Tony Romo. It's a better lifestyle. I hate being a sports fan.

It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Trying to quit. Trying to quit. It's like my drug. It's my methadone. I'm trying to quit. You and James need to collaborate and figure out a quitting system together. We would take trips to Las Vegas, the most innocent trips ever because he just wants –

neither of us like to really gamble or like to go to like clubs or anything that's what I was actually talking about this recently I've done one Vegas trip my entire life I hated every second

he goes solely to bet on fantasy football and or to do what do you do there I go and we have a nice meal together yeah I go and watch him do that

and then we're just kind of hanging out and then we have a nice meal as gentlemen yeah and then we go to bed by do that and then we're just kind of hanging out and then we have a nice meal as gentlemen and then we go to bed by like 11 it was so lame

but I get so much joy how much joy it just runs it runs through his it's not joy for me I find it exceptionally annoying when I'm hanging out

with a gang I don't gamble I like sports but I don't gamble and I have a roommate who is a hardcore gambler. Many people here.

Everyone here is. Lots of gambling. And I find it so frustrating because it's the first half, right? And they're, like, losing their minds about an incomplete pass. And it's like, guys, you've got to stop. You've got to tone it down. I cannot deal with you right now. It's a sickness.

Two hours left in this game. Sports fandom in general. Shut up. Well, my wife, Sophia, she's a huge tennis fan. And she's right here in this room. And we all just waved at her. So the Wimbledon is on, and I'm pretty into that. I like how you call it the Wimbledon.

I call it the tennis. And she's covering her face like, oh, goddammit. She's shielding her eyes at the truth that is me. She does that often. I was saying that very recently when the woman was on I was like I'm watching the tennis that's not how we do it

that's not how you say it Sophia do you think tennis is too long because I think there's a length problem I love it when it goes on you love it that long I put it moves

to the next day oh it's like suspended you're an Isaac man the weight how about that I just dropped an Isaac that's my Phil Simms

right there it's you baby that's our one-sentence reference. I would be remiss if we didn't wrap up here just mentioning a little more of Always Sunny because we are diehard, super weird, Sunny fans. Charlie Day went to my high school. That's my claim to fame. Oh, really?

Yep. Ports of Abby. Up in Rhode Island? Yep. Awesome. So we've had Glenn in. We've had Danny in. You're in.

We're just trying to pick you guys off one by one. So put in a good word for us. Oh, my God. Danny told a story when he was on about – which he – actually, it's a funny story. Danny was promoting Dumbo. Oh, sure. Disney. He had a bunch of the Disney reps here with him and stuff like that.

To make sure he doesn't say the wrong thing? Well – And he said the wrong thing. He said the wrong thing for 10 minutes. The wrongest thing so he was telling his the story of the one script he ever turned down which i guess uh rob and charlie had written as an april fool's day joke where he is repeatedly raped inside of a prison by white supremacists and ten minutes of him like and it is like in the danny ways like and then the cops are raping me and then the rapists are raping the

rapists and he must have said the r word a thousand, and then the cops are raping me. And then the rapists are raping the rapists. And he must have said the R word a thousand times. And Disney was just like, oh, we're here to talk about a flying elephant. What's going on? We had our booker who was, she was texting us like, you got to get him to move on. I was like, I am not telling Danny DeVito to stop this story. He was like, we'll deal with it in post because I'm letting the man do his thing. He's so good for the audience when he's unfettered.

I mean, I can't imagine the producerial experience, but just he kills interviews in the best possible way. He just makes us all so happy. Glenn was telling me he'll come up to people on set sometimes and he'll just be like, ah, suck my dick. He's like, are you Frank right now or are you Danny? Nobody knows which.

Which is the best place to be, right? When you never know who someone is or if they're joking or real. But, I mean, at this point, if they want to do season 1,000, are you just down for the ride? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I just had dinner with Chaz recently, and I was just like, do you let me know? Because my schedule has been a little crazy, and their shooting schedule isn't that long. So it just hasn't come together in the past few years. But they're definitely going to be around next year. Forever.

I hope forever. Wait, how long are they going to be around for? Just next year? Forever. Forever. No, but definitely, I mean, I think the longest-running comedy of all time is something like Ozzie and Harriet or something, and it was 14 years. Oh, really?

They're taping their 14th season currently. Rob was posting pictures last night. That's right. Break a record. Yeah, if you're already here. Rob was posting pictures last night but it seemed like it's a very old-timey themed episode. They look like they have a 1920s type vibe to it.

I love when they get weird. They can trash any time zone. It's such an incredible show. It's really good. It unites so many people. It's gotten me so many glasses of milk in dive bars. Truly. Is that a good thing?

No. But it warms the cockles. There you go. You know what I mean? I'm not going to drink the milk. When you do show up on set for something like that, is it just like you put your robe on and you grab your milk and you're just like, alright, let's do this. Let's get into McPoyle mode and start screaming

and doing weird things. Absolutely. Scream is just excellent. Have you seen the video where you get with William and Liam? Where they compare the scream? You will not touch her! I absolutely have. And the only thing I'll say is I commit to the moment no matter what the stakes.

So whether it's the end of civilization or my sister's love life, I'm going to scream like I mean it. And so, yeah. Scream you do. I saw on YouTube someone had made the Jimmy Simpson screaming compilation. So it's like not just those two, but they take all of my screams and they put them together. And it's a killer acting reel. I was going to say, is that like your one thing? You know, if you're in a beauty pageant with your talent, just scream?

Yeah, yeah. Your professional scream? I would scream so poorly, but I would still win because I would answer in complete sentences. No, no, it's a great institution. No, those are things that should go on forever because it has so much merit. Yeah, it really shows us who the good people are in worlds. Come on. God damn it.

All right. So Perpetual Grace Limited is out on Epix it sure is go watch it go get it subscribe to it because

and I guess maybe we'll try to find it on Amazon Prime we'll figure that out for you we'll tell the people exactly how to do it because it seems

awesome it's noir it's awesome go watch it Jimmy Simpson thank you brother thank you Jimmy thank you guys

alright Jimmy Simpson you're the man Feidelberg afterwards we took a picture and Feidelberg put an eye patch on. It looked exactly like the one. It's right behind you. In fact, it's been up there. If you're on Gold, almost like we had a little.

A little Easter egg. Yeah, like, hmm, what's that? We got a little Jimmy Simpson's eye, so one of the better, more ridiculous pictures we've taken with our guests. I think you liked us. I think you liked us a lot. I don't think that's the end. I think you'll see Jimmy Simpson again. I've never seen a podcast

appearance work better than that. If it was me, if I was just a listener, I did exactly what's supposed to happen. He came in, he made me aware about the show that I didn't know existed. I took a look at it and I was like, I'm buying Epix and watching this. So, shout out to Jimmy for doing his job Epics you got a good

One and you guys should all do the same thing That I did let's talk to Gina Brion now New York City Girl she's down with Gabriel Iglesias And we had A good talk about how much New York Is fucking awful I love it good to go it's KFC

Radio with Gina Brion And she just mentioned Right now what time is it as we record? It is 11.04 in the morning, in the a.m. She said it's so early, which means you fit in very well with this show right here. Yeah. It's so early. I've actually, I've turned a corner recently, and it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. So it's mostly early for him. I got two kids. I've been up early turned a corner recently And it's the worst things That ever happened So it's mostly early for him

I got two kids I've been up early For like years now But Oh yeah He like prior to noon Like you're not getting A text back

But all of a sudden Recently it's like 8am I see him tweeting He's firing off texts About work What is happening I don't know what happened You got old bitch

It's crazy It's just like It's just a switch flip And I'm like I used to be a morning person i had the opposite happen i used to be the person that jumped out of bed and was like all right let's why'd you switch what happened i think it's just a accumulation of like insomnia over the years turned me into a cranky person where i'm just like now i wake up and i'm

just like i hate that Another day of life. All of our social media is people like their first tweet in the morning. I just want to thank God for another day. And I'm like, fuck that. Every time I hit my alarm and turn it off, I'm like, why am I still alive? I actually watched the Change Up.

Great movie. Classic. American classic. I was with Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman the other day. And Jason Bateman is a married man with multiple kids. And when he gets up in the morning, he just kind of sits there, rubs his face, and does a breathing exercise. He's like, whoop, whoop, whoop. And I'm like, I do that, and I'm just a single guy. Yeah, you don't know what's coming, buddy.

It's about to get a lot worse one day for you, man. It's difficult to wake up. But I just sit on the edge of my bed, and I'm like, all right, come on, man. Let's do this. I just try not to think about it. When I get up in the morning, I used to be one of those people. Even with my insomnia, I'd jump out of bed, and I'd be like, wakey, wakey, you guys. I was annoyingly cheerful in the morning.

Fuck you. Those people are the worst. No, they are. Now I know that. Did you ever go away with friends for the weekend, too? That's the worst. When you're around new people. You want to do it on your own.

God bless you. But when you're doing a friend's trip, I'm skiing or to the beach or wherever you're going, and you got that one friend who just doesn't get hung over, it's like, I'm going to go for a quick run. I'll bring you guys some breakfast. Bagels are here. Yeah, I'll leave them at noon, bro.

I used to be that person. You saw the light. You saw the error of your ways. Now I hate those people. Now you're just a depressed person who hates the morning and humans. Yeah, now I just light you saw the error of your ways now I hate those people now you're just a depressed person who hates the morning

and humans like what have I done wrong to deserve this where did you where did you go last night you said you were

outside 2am I was working I had a set at the comedy cellar well at the village underground for they have this week at the

comedy cellar so we did a filming last night doesn't mean I'll be on the show guys everybody like just cause they filmed me doesn't mean i'm gonna make it on the show because they film like that's still don't be a part of though oh no it was it's an incredible challenge because they give you the topics the day before and you essentially have to either figure out what you already have in your act that works with the topic

or come up with something brand new. And I mean, the comics. Which road did you go? Or a little bit of both? A little bit of both. I built something new and then added something that I already had. So it was really fun. It was fun, more fun the second time around, even though it's still nerve wracking.

The first time around, it was so nerve wracking. How often does that happen? You mentioned that you kind of find something you have in your act that works with that. Yeah. How often does that happen? You mentioned that you kind of have to find something you have in your act that works with that. Yeah. How often does that happen? Do you do that daily? We have a couple of friends who are comedians and I know their comedy will be talking. I know you're doing your act.

Yeah. We're picking up. In the last year, we started to get a lot more stand up comics as guests. Very good ones. And in the beginning, we thought like, oh, shoot. They took that from our interview and put it into their act. And then we realized you morons, they've been running game.

Like, yeah, like we're so stupid. Right. How lame are we? No, but you know what? I don't like people that are always on.

If you can't be like a regular person in conversation, like that automatically, like once I figured that out about a comic, I'm like, Oh, I don't like you now. Because I'm like, why would you do that?

Why wouldn't you just be a regular person? person like even if you're not entertaining as a regular person because some comics in their regular life you talk to them and you're like you are not fun to be around it's weird but on probably most i'd imagine oh yeah most of them are horrible depressed terrible individuals who you should never be social with there's a line that always like resonated with me. I was probably in high school when I saw this line, but it's from Always Sunny. And it's the Sinbad and Rob Thomas episode.

And they're talking about how mean Sinbad is. And they go, but like most funny people, he's dark and angry on the inside. It's true. It's really true about funny people. You would hang out with the most lighthearted. Oh, man. I wonder sometimes when I see a comic that's like super happy on stage, I'm like, how much of a psychopath are you like off stage?

Well, so then let me ask you this. Your boy Fluffy. My Fluffster. You've been working with him for a long time now. Gabriel, we had him in about a month ago. I love him. He's so wonderful. And he is so successful.

Stories I've heard heard he's so generous and happy go lucky fluffy is does he got some darkness because i feel like i can't even imagine him like dark do but i think like he handles his darkness very well like because i think you know i don't ever pry when it comes to people's darkness if i see like somebody has like a little bit dark in them i'm like all right i don't know that i want to open that can of worms uh gabe's got a good head on his shoulders man and a good team of people around him so and he's honestly um he always keeps it light because humor is how we all deal with something like even in those dark moments he'll make like a really funny yeah like joke just to make us all laugh get through it yeah but we all do like anybody who doesn't i'd

be worried about the person who has no darkness in them. The person that's like. Those people got to worry about the most. No, those people with like the darkest. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, you got some serious demons if you're just happy 24-7. I'm like, no, no, you're not.

Those are true like serial killers. Yeah. No, those are the people that I'm like, oh, you're going to wear my skin. Like that's going to happen in this scenario. That's the, what's that new Jim Carrey show? Yeah. The Mr. Rogers one. Yeah. It it's like it's like a dark mr rogers it's just it's very cool it's on showtime working with children and all that shit yeah he's like he's basically mr rogers during the day but at night he's just not like a killer or anything like that but just like that would have been cool but also creepy so creepy that would have been cool but creepy but

kudos to jim carrey for taking chances all the time. Yeah, he's like the one guy who can pull it off. He pulls it off so well. Oh, yeah. He's freaking amazing. The darkness was upon New York City this weekend with the blackout. We're talking a lot about darkness. There was a lot of darkness.

I know New York is like a part of your act and a source of material. It's almost like I feel bad for people who are in this game who don't have New York as their background because it's like infinite material, shit you see every day. But I mean, if I was trapped on the subway, there were people trapped on the subway for like two hours or some shit, I think I'd kill myself.

You know what? You're like the third person who said that and I'm like, or I would just leave i thought about that you know you can that's like getting out of your car on the highway like it's too dangerous clearly i have no regard for my safety because i'm like i'll just open these doors and bounce what would you do i was stuck on a subway once. It was late at night, which, you know what? It's funny. Sometimes I feel so desensitized to these situations that are supposed to be scary.

And maybe it's because I've been in New York my whole life and I've seen such crazy things that I'm like, oh, we're stuck on the subway. Okay, cool. We're either going to be out of here in a couple minutes or a couple hours. I'm going to chill until they give me information. I don't freak out in moments like that, but I can understand the panic in other people. So I was stuck underground on the one train at I think around like 100 and, I want to say like 100 and something street I was stuck.

And everybody was like so frustrated. It was like two in the morning and like people were angry and people were scared. And I was just tired. And then they opened one door. They got one door open and they ushered all of us out like all the people from the back had to walk to the front car get ushered out and i was just like okay well let's just go there were people like really panicking and i was like i guess i

should be more scared i don't gotta be scared the subway wouldn't bother me oh man with the fucking scales of society and it's getting hot because there's no air conditioning anymore and shit, and you don't have information, so you're probably thinking like, all right, it's going to start up again in like a minute, and then 10 minutes, and then 20 minutes, and then it's like, well, then we're never going to get out. Yeah. I mean, look, it wouldn't be great. I wouldn't opt in if that was the choice to start the subway ride, but an elevator would

be so much worse. And not because of fear of falling either. I'd probably eventually fall past the box. It's a smaller place to get stuck into. an elevator would be so much worse. And not because of fear of falling either. Like I'd probably eventually fall past the box. It's a smaller place to get stuck into. If it was rush hour, maybe that would really suck. But like if I could just sit down and just hang out, I'd be fine for at least a half hour or hour or so

before I started being like, all right, what the fuck's going on? I think about a half hour in, I'd start getting real restless and like probably antsy. And I'd be like, ugh. Depends on who you're with. You're in an elevator by yourself. You've got some space with your friends. You're on the subway with, you know, the wrong people in the wrong place.

Yeah, if you're in the hood, good luck. Or like, you know, there's that one car you get on. It's like, someone definitely took a piss in the corner. But I'm only going to be on here for like two stops. No big deal. But then all of a sudden you're stuck there for an hour. Or like you're stuck with like a homeless person that has homeless person smell. We all know what I'm only going to be on here for like two stops. No big deal. Then all of a sudden you're stuck there for an hour. Or like you're stuck with like a homeless person that has homeless person smell.

We all know what I'm talking about. That's a very distinct smell. It's a distinct smell. They all have it. It's all the same smell almost. It's like, oh, there's a homeless person here. You always know when the subway pulls up, if there's an empty car,

you're not lucky. It's not like, oh, by chance, it pulled up right in front of you. There's human shit on the floor. If you see an empty subway car, do not get in. Run. No, it's our lucky day. The whole family has us.

Nope, there's no AC and there's a homeless person vacationing in that car like it's Maui. Get out. Get out now. I saw from your latest special, you were talking a lot about people's misconceptions of New York. Yes. um from the your latest special you're talking a lot about people's misconceptions of new york yes which i don't like i can't believe that they're still i can't believe people still don't know the truth what because everybody i mean i've never said a good word about i'm always talking about how fucking terrible this place can be i don't understand why people don't get that it's crowded and fucking disgusting and expensive and yeah like said, it must still be pretty in the winter. No, it's fucking a disaster.

It's disgusting. I hate when people get excited when it snows in New York. It doesn't fucking snow here. Well, the past couple of years. I've only lived here for three years. It slushes. It doesn't snow. It slushes.

Now, first of all, I like New York. You two have both been jaded, so I still like it here. I love New York, but I'm from here and I'm biased. I love New York from a know we've both been jaded. So I still like it here. I love New York, but I'm from here and I'm biased. I love New York from a New Yorkers perspective from somebody who's not from New York. Like my husband's from Indiana. When he first came here,

he was like, you guys just leave your trash on the street. And I was like, yeah, what are you guys? That's a big, everybody who comes here is like, Oh,

in Chicago we have alleys or, and I don't know what you guys do in Boston, but it's like, yeah, I don't know. We just put it on the corner and hopefully someone picks it up new york chicago fucking loves those they talk about the alley i'm like all they talk about is a garbage alley i'm like all right i understand it's a little bit better of a system but if a garbage alley is

your big claim that your city sucks too it's like romans talk about aqueducts. Are you kidding me? Have you seen our alleys? Have you seen our alleys? You should see our alleys. It's fucking insane. So weird. You can't just like, must be nice. You guys got alleys. Chicago, meet someone from Chicago.

First thing they'll do is they'll be wearing the Chicago flag. Yes, they love that flag. Second of all, they'll be like, why don't you just put trash in the alleys? I don't know, man. I also don't care. It's garbage. It's not great no matter what. They're like, that's all we got, man.

Do you have New York pride? I do to a certain extent, but not like – it's funny because I'm one of those New Yorkers that's done absolutely nothing touristy in New York. So when people are like, hey, what's this building? Or what's the history of this? I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't know anything about it because I'm from here. Like, all tourist people. You don't go sightseeing in the place you live.

No, you know, that would be really late. I've been to the Empire State Building. I went like five or ten years ago. So my father got a job there and he worked there. So like, whatever. That's the only reason. Statue of Liberty. I never went and saw the towers when they were up. I never did any of that shit but yeah i mean i guess i forget that that you

know like i walked through grand central in the morning and it's just my train station i see people taking pictures and posing i'm like my husband is one of those people that likes to know everything so every time we would drive through the city he'd be like well what's that building and i'd be like it has nothing to do with my life why do you think i know what that building is just because it's there and it's in manhattan i've never once even thought about that building i've walked past it a dozen times it never concerned how did you meet your husband um we met on a cruise ship uh this is my favorite story to tell so i had been single for about like two years and I was done I was I was so miserable dating because I was always a very like uh I was like a very relationship minded I was never good at

casual dating because I was always like I like you you like me awesome we're together now anyway like it was just like what I was very decisive I think that makes sense yeah I I'm as a but for most like most guys would be like, why would you make that decision? I'm like, all right, maybe I shouldn't like you. All right, moving on to the next. Should I like you then? Right, right. It's like it really has no bearing on it.

It's just me liking a person and knowing that I don't need to date four other people to know that I like this person. So I was kind of over it. By the time I got on the ship, it was going to be my first long cruise ship contract. It was about like a month, I think a whole month. And I was ready to be a hoe. I was like, I'm going to be a hoe. I'm going to get on the ship, it was going to be my first long cruise ship contract. It was about like a month, I think a whole month. And I was ready to be a hoe. I was like, I'm going to be a hoe. I'm going to get on this ship. I'm going to hoe it up.

I am going to live my best hoe life. I was like, I'm not going to care. I'm not going to judge myself. I'm a grown woman. Like, I was all, I'm a grown woman. What a great spot to hoe it up on the cruise, too. You know, you're going to get it all. I was like, I'm going to be a hoe.

And then I go to the first meeting of all the entertainers and uh i see the most handsome man i've ever seen in my life it was my husband the guy who's now my husband and i just thought i was like damn man i was gonna be a hoe i was like oh no i'm gonna live my whole life and i just i couldn't do it i couldn't live my whole life i could not i tried i made a soft attempt at flirting with people and i just i couldn't do it i couldn't live my whole life i could not i tried i made a soft attempt at flirting with people and i'm like one of those people i i have a lot of social anxiety so i don't flirt a lot like the guys that i've dated have all been people that knew me as friends first and so for me to try to be a hoe it was a very sad attempt hoes everywhere would

be disappointed yeah oh i let the whole community no the whole community is not proud of me right now because i'd be like hi you're cute like i was just a doofus i'm so mad and then one night my husband actually came to see one of my shows and you know he came up to me after the show and he had been drinking with his buddies and and they were all chatting he said wow i never got to see you perform before and i think you're so talented and wait so he kind of knew who you were ahead of time prior to that yeah but he didn't watch me because we shared the venue his performance venue was my performance venue so his show was right after mine so while i was doing my show you know he does uh he's a musician he does dueling pianos and stuff like

oh cool um he's pretty freaking dope. Yeah, that's awesome. And so after one of my shows, he was just like, you're really talented. And I think you're the most beautiful female comic I've ever seen. And I was like, that's very specific. But thank you. I was going to say, you put a qualifier on there. I'm like, wow.

I was very. That's very. I would have just taken beautiful. But that's cool. That cool is, you know. It's like, there's a handful of us out there you know when after that it was just like we just i was like he likes me like the boy i like talk to me so i was like all of you other boys are garbage the boy i like has finally talked to me

and then that was it he's the most wonderful human being he really is did you uh did you enjoy your time on the cruise ship you're the president entertainer what have you ever taken a cruise like regularly um as a guest on my husband's cruise ships when he's worked a contract i've been his guest before so have you ever gone not working what is that say no more what is this not working thing to speak of? I don't understand. Constantly working all the time. It's this concept of vacation and sleep that people are still trying to explain to me. Well, yeah, I've been his guest,

but I've never been just there for vacation. Or one of us was always working. You've never been there with the dredging society. It's a tough one. It's like the subway sometimes. It depends on what cruise you're on. Yeah, I'm sure. I've only been on

one and i'll i that's it for me that was enough if you do like the miami to the bahamas it's like i was on a cruise ship i swear to god i was the only fucking person on the cruise who paid everyone was just bragging about how they won trips i was like oh he's giving these things away i bought a goddamn ticket on this fucking thing. You were so mad. I was a sucker. Your one ticket financed this entire boat. They're giving away free shit. I would have been like, then I am the king of this cruise. Everybody must serve me.

I'm the captain now. Yes, exactly. That's what you do in that situation. Take another cruise. Do that. I saw your current pinned tweet on Twitter. Yes. It's laughing about guys who are out there looking for a non-crazy girl.

Oh, yeah. And you kind of laugh it up. You say, you know, bless your heart. You know, we're all crazy. Yeah. And I got a bone to pick with your entire gender. Because you're all now just, the joke is now everyone's just laughing about how you're all crazy and you know you're crazy and then that's it yeah not everybody no no you know everybody

there's everybody because i know a couple of uh outspoken millennial people millennial chicks on instagram and stuff that would be like that's not true that all of us are crazy you can't make blanket statements like that and i'm, you sound like the craziest. Yeah, those are the ones. They're like the people who don't have darkness. You know, if you say you're not crazy. As a female, you have to understand the years of crap women have been dealing with to come out of it and not be crazy. You're kidding yourself.

You're joking. The suffragists definitely went through some crazy spells. Like, understand that that's definitely a thing. So you're crazy and you think that you've kind of earned it, if you will, in a way. And so that's it. We just have to deal with you being crazy. It's just a universal try, I feel, for women. It's like a universal trying to balance your emotional response to your logical response and dealing with everything that's been put on how women think in general. Like if you're too emotional, then they're like, you're crazy.

If you're not emotional, then you're a bitch. So it's like, oh, okay. So I don't have a choice in the matter. If I'm middle of the road, I come across as a psychopath. Oh, that's interesting. So any path. So you kind of swayed me there. So now it's just you it's not that you want to you just can't not be yeah it's either way we go it's like you make one choice and you're one thing you make the other

choice it's like okay so i can't respect my emotions or express them to you because then i'm looked at as weak and crazy but if i express no emotions and i come across all logic then i'm a complete bitch i think i would go complete bitch i think that's why a lot of women do that's why i don't blame women in business when i see them and they're like oh that lady's a real like she's a man eater she's that i'm like yeah like what choice did you give her she's been on the chopping block since day one i think i think it's almost it's it's. Yeah. Where you are crazy for a while, and eventually the crazy doesn't, you realize you're just yelling at a wall, and eventually you're like, that's it. Man, it's just that.

Yeah. I feel like that's what I did, right? I had a crazy phase. Yeah. Where I was just like, dating crazy people and yelling and fighting all the time, and I was like, this doesn't really matter. Then just shut it all down. I'll be a goddamn bitch.

You just disassociate from it. You're just like, okay, well, this is going to happen anyway. It's going to suck. You just get used to the cycle. I've met so many women on the industry side where I'm like, oh, there was a time when you were human. There was a time. You can almost see how long they've been in the game

or how long they've been alive or how much shit they've gone through. I think that happens with everybody. Where life eventually just kind of you have this one thing but just guys don't get the label. Where it was like when you're a bitch you're just grizzled. You're just a veteran, man.

You've been through it. When you're crazy you're just kind of like I don't know what we would even call it. You're new and you're still trying to fight back. That guy, he's wild. That guy, he's wild. That guy, he's wild. But it's always like, it's very interesting societally how we still see the differences in the sexes

where we're just like, oh yeah, if you do this, then you're this, or you do this. It's very archaic considering how far along we've come. The basic breakdown. But it's funny to me because I'm a comic, so I'm the forever observer. So I sit on the sidelines and I'm looking at everybody i'm almost looking at all the chaos going this is great guys keep going i'm gonna write this down real quick you guys just keep going keep

being crazy you guys that's our job you're also you're you're absolutely crazy though because you're a twin right oh yeah so you're crazy oh yeah that's it if you're a twin something's wrong you're you're you're a freak your brain's crazy twins have weird bonds so i get it yeah that's it if you're a twin something's wrong you're you're you're a freak your brain's crazy that's it have weird bonds so i get it yeah it's weird it's crazy i know i i ask every twin i've probably met six in my life yeah i ask all of them i say you really have like that connection oh yeah at least me and my sister i can't speak for every set of twins obviously like you spoke for women already look you're answering in generalities right now for everyone. I know for me and my sister, yeah, we are very, very close.

We definitely, yeah, we have a weirdly close relationship. I mean. Like she stubs her toe when you wake up in the middle of the night. My toe hurts. No, but I can usually, like, I'll be like, let me just hit my sister up real quick. And she'll be like, no, today's been a tough day. Really? Like it's like one of those days I'm like, just checking on you up real quick. I'm going to be like, are you all right? And she'll be like, no, today's been a tough day. It's like one of those days

I'm like, just checking on you. You know, interesting. You just get like a little twin spidey sense. Or, or let me just play devil's advocate.

Chances are, if you call anyone, they're having a shitty day. Life sucks. Or unless I text somebody, I'm like, hey, are you all right?

And they're like, yeah, great day. Cool. Nothing going on on my end wasn't trying to predict anything I've had people try to do that to me too where they're like hey I got a feeling

and I'm like well your feeling was wrong I'm like I'm fine but then there are people that do nail it when I'm like oh that is kind of creepy that you knew are you and your sister like do you lean into the twin twinness like people like dress the same and go everywhere the same It's kind of creepy that you know. Do you, are you and your sister like, do you lean into the twin, twin-ness? Like, you know, like people like dress the same and go everywhere the same.

We're so different. That's so fucking weird, right? We're so different. I get it when you're little. I don't get it even when you're little. Well, no, I'm saying if I had twins, I would just buy them two of everything. So you just start living that way and then you grow that way. Don't do that with twins.

Totally do that with twins. Let me just explain to you. When I was growing up, my aunt made the mistake of getting me the Barbie, of getting my sister the Barbie and getting me the Ken so we could play together. That is not how it works. I cried. Well, that's different than the same. I cried. I'm still, to this day, I'm traumatized that I did not get that Barbie.

I was so upset. Like, I would definitely say if you have twins, like, you got to get them the same thing, you know. Of course you got to get them. Of course you need the female toy. Yeah. But, like, I mean, I would let my – I would have fun. I'd be like, ooh, I'll get the style two babies today. No, no, because then the one wants whatever the other one's wearing, and that one wants what that one's wearing.

And then you switch, and then they want the – it just has to be – Because it's also weird with twins, too, when I was younger. I know. I do that right now with my kids as is. Me and my sister are a year apart. We didn't want each other's clothes.

Me and my sister did though because we looked alike. So to us, it was like, whoa, you look just like me. So it was like in the same outfit.

It's like, I didn't need a mirror. I can just look at my sister and be like, yeah, that's pretty much how I look right now. All right, cool.

Do you ever have a moment like, I'm not a twin, but my brother and I, he's four years older than me, but we look a lot alike. And more importantly, we have a lot of the same mannerisms, voice, all that kind of shit. And sometimes he'll do something or say something that bothers me and I'm like, oh, wait a minute. I probably sound like that too. I probably do that too. Oh, yeah, totally. You know what I mean?

So you can almost see, you have like a, almost an example of what you're going to look like, sound like, be like. And if you see something you don't like, it's kind of like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah. That's probably how I do it too. My brother was the first to point that out. I mean, I remember getting frustrated.

Not, it doesn't just happen with my sister. It, I think happens to people with anybody that displays a behavior that you don't like. It's most likely a behavior that you don't like about yourself. Like it a behavior that you don't like about yourself. Like it's something that you do. And it happened with me and a couple of people in my family. I think one time I got frustrated with my nephew or one of my sisters and I was

like, Oh, I just make really bad choices. And my brother was like, well, let's go over your life choices. Let's see where your fear really lies. Are you afraid that you're like them maybe?

And it was like, well, it was a little bit too much of too much of the truth right right i'm getting off the couch now i don't need to be psychologized yeah you handle that i'm gonna go cry now because i've had a realization about myself uh but yeah those things definitely happen i mean with me and my sister totally but with me and a lot of people it's happened where it's like oh yeah i hate that like i hate laziness in other people because i hate it in myself yeah like because i get that you know what i mean so like i hate when i'm being lazy when i know i'm being lazy so when i see it in somebody else it just infuriates me i was doing that recently with traveling with someone from work who is a late person and i'm i'm like a five minute late person i i don't think that's late if you're within five minutes i don't think that's late yeah but i was with someone who was just like very slow and then like 20 minute late person

and i would every time every single time just start your fucking process 20 minutes earlier dude i will usually be like two to three minutes late i'll be i'll be there within five but that and i don't i don't count that as late i think that's on time i'm sitting here trying to think of what his last work trip was i I'm like, who are we talking about right now? Who was this person? Okay, got it. I was just with one. With people like that, do you find yourself telling them a different arrival time? No, I just say you're on your own. I did it once.

I waited for him once, and then the rest of the two weeks. See, I always give those people a different arrival time. If it's actually 7.30, I'll tell people 7. You shouldn't have to, but I guess it's just easier to do it that way. But it's like, I know you, so I'm going to tell you 7, because you're going to be here at 7.30, I'll tell people 7. You shouldn't have to, but I guess it's just easier to do it that way. But it's like, I know you, so I'm going to tell you 7 because you're going to be here at 7.30. But then the problem is when they start to figure that out and then it's like, you know, then they take that into account. It's like when you leave your alarm, when the time changes. Yeah. You leave it and I trick myself like a day.

I'm like a stupid dog. Like, I know what you're doing to myself. That's one thing. Exactly. Your brain can trick yourself more than a couple of times. Then you start to figure it out. After a while, you're like, ah. You certainly don't have to worry about being lazy.

I'm looking at this here. I mean, you got a lot going on. So it doesn't sound like you. I don't think you have any more room to possibly work. But your new special will be out on August 19th. Yes, it will. Easily offended. HBO, that's some shit.

That is very exciting. Heard of it. Heard Offended. HBO, that's some shit. That is very exciting. Heard of HBO. Yeah. What was the process like for that? How long was that material being built up for? So what happened was it was day one of the Beyond the Fluffy tour, which was the tour that I was on with Gabriel, with the fluffster himself and the rest of the crew,

was me, Gabriel, and Alfred Robles. And it was, you know, amazing. I had an amazing time on tour. But day one, I'm sitting at lunch with the guys and everybody, and my phone rings, and it's the people from HBO's Entrenos, which I had done the year prior. And they were like, yeah, we really wanted to give you a half hour, but you're going to be on tour with Gabriel. And I was like, what? And they were like, yeah, you're on to give you a half hour, but you're going to be on tour with Gabriel.

And I was like, what? And they were like, yeah, you're on tour. We can't give you the half hour. And I was like, oh, bummer. That would have been awesome. And he was like, yeah, you know, it looks like. Wait, sorry, why would that preclude you from doing that? Because they were filming during the Vegas dates.

Just while you were, okay, got it, got it, got it. And so he was like, yeah, it looks like we're filming when you're out in Vegas. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? And he was like, yeah, we're filming when you're in Vegas. I go, I'm not on the Vegas shows. So it just happened to work out. They said that because you thought it was hung up.

Exactly. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm not on the Vegas show. So we set everything up. And here's the crazy part. I'll tell you this crazy story. So I got another offer to do an hour. Just drowning in offers.

Yeah. I got another offer to do an hour from Amazon through Comedy Dynamics. And they're producing specials for Amazon. Him and my team of people at the time, I've since switched teams, but my team of people at the time when they came to me with this, they were like, well, which one do you want to do? And I said, both. And they were like, what? And I said, I want to do both i want to do the hbo and i want to do amazon as well and my team was like wait what hold on they were like wait

what do you mean you want to do both and i was like yeah let's just see yeah because i've always been that person like let's just see if it happens it happens and sure enough they made it happen so at the end of the year i'll also be be filming an Amazon special. But the HBO special happened. I got the call in February. The filming was in April. So in between that time, I built that like half hour, just kind of put stuff together for that half hour. And it turned out, I was very proud of how it turned out. Because, you know, when you're building a special, you go through different phases of like, oh, this is great.

I'm so excited about this. And then you're like, everything sucks and I'm an awful comedian. And then you just hope the day of the filming, you're just like, please let this audience get it. And they were such a fun crowd. I was, who was I talking to recently? I think Joe Coy. I was talking to him about a special where he like, he funded his own special and just like took his balls and his money and laid it on the line. And you know, it was basically sink or swim that one show,

like, cause he spent like all his own cash to produce it. And I was just thinking, what if, you know, the audience that day is just not feeling it or fucking rain that day and they all were wet and they weren't happy and they weren't like, it's just a lot to worry about the audience.

And obviously it still falls on you. But you know, it's like, Hey man, that joke killed everywhere else. I told it, but for some reason on the night i was on my special they don't what you concentrate on it doesn't matter like how many things go well the one thing that didn't go well you're just that's gonna stick in your head that i did that should have went better yeah i try not to do that to myself but it does happen and it is difficult because it is

kind of you're kind of dependent on the crowd being a good crowd which is why you want a good setup like yeah it's why when comics are doing specials they really need to pay attention to okay how long is the crowd going to be sitting out there when are we letting people in our doors when we start you know if it's hot outside is the air conditioning on if it's cold outside is the is the heat on? Every little thing matters. Because the audience is going to be sitting there waiting for a show. And if the headline in comics is doing an hour, whoever's going before them and doing that amount of time to warm them up, you want the audience to still be in a good mood by the time you hit the stage. You don't want it to be one of those things where they're sitting there miserable.

I remember doing a show a couple weeks ago here in New York here in New York, that was like, there was no AC. Oh, fuck it. I'm not laughing at anything if there's no AC. I was sweating, the crowd was sweating, we were miserable. It was the most miserable thing ever. And I was like, if the audience is not comfortable. You'd be the funniest person in the world. Yeah, it won't matter.

I'm going to put a $100 bill on everyone's seat. Pay you guys to laugh. Sorry, you guys. I wish I had that kind of money to make it rain. Everybody just laughed. You also got this contest coming up on HBO Latino. I do, yeah. So HBO Latino, they have joined forces,

which is my favorite way to say that. Some Avengers shit over here. They have joined forces with the New York Latino Film Festival to do a comedy contest called Latino Stand-Up, and it's for up-and-coming Latin performers, Latin stand-up comedians. Like an American Idol type shit? with the New York Latino Film Festival to do a comedy contest called Latino Stand-Up. And it's for up-and-coming Latin performers, Latin stand-up comedians. Like an American Idol type shit?

Yeah, sort of. And you're a host or a judge? I would be a host, thankfully. I don't want to be a judge. I was going to say judge. We kind of do something called Barstool Idol. Same idea in a lot of stand-up comics. People make video. And a couple years I've been a judge.

And it's just the worst because you've got to take it seriously. But you're also crushing some people's like literal dreams. Yeah. That's why I could never. I was a judge on a couple of those panels and I'm just like, I never want to do it again. So I'm like, I'll host it. I want to be encouraging.

I want everybody to come and have a good time. It's for the person that wins will get an opportunity to be on the Entreno series, the next one that goes on HBO Latino. So it's a big opportunity for somebody. i'm excited to work with them all the information is on their website by the way before i forget the new york latino film festival so it's ny latino film festival.com um or something like that google my website whatever yeah you'll find it i'm pretty sure i got it right but it's very early and I don't have enough coffee, so forgive me. But it's a really cool competition, and I'm actually going to be hosting the night that everybody gets to perform live. I was on the TV Guide the other day, and I saw on HBO Latino, it said, Yo, Robot. And I didn't know what the fuck that meant.

I was like, what movie is this? And I just realized it was iRobot. You don't got a word for robot, apparently? Yo, Robot. I was like, what movie is this? And I just realized it was iRobot. Yeah, it is. You don't got a word for robot apparently? Just yo robot. I was like, what movie is that? Yo robot.

Yo robot. Yo robot. Yo robot. That doesn't even sound like it's iRobot in Spanish. That sounds like the hood parody of iRobot.

Yo robot. Shit's probably funny, man. Yo robot. And then of course you got your regular podcast Mess in Progress. Yes, Mess in Progress. I mean, everybody's a mess a mess right and that's the whole point of the message it's crazy everybody's got shit everybody accept it and talk about it right and it's it's a fun podcast with me

and my girlfriend katherine g mendoza i always have to say her full name yeah i noticed that i know i said in the description is she a comedian too or just like your friend? No, she's a producer. She produces online content. She's worked for BuzzFeed and MeToo. So she's in the game too. Yeah, she's in the game, but definitely more on the production side of it. But she's just a wonderful personality and she's funny as hell.

She's crazy. Cool. Love her to pieces. Well, we love you. Thank you for coming by. Appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Go check all those things out and don't be lazy.

Don't be lazy. Find me online. She won't be it. Thank you for having me. Go check all those things out and don't be lazy. Don't be lazy. Find me online. She won't be happy. Turn around. Look at what you see in her face. The mirror of your dream. Misbelieve I'm everywhere

Given in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story I Reach the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be

Run again, their secrets will I'm bored behind the clouds And there upon A rainbow is The answer to A never ending Story Ah Story

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