KFC Radio - Jimmy O. Yang, Snooki & Joey, and Waffle House Fight Night

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, rate five stars, and leave a review! We kick off today's episode talking about how we feel about recording the podcast in quarantine and whether or not we think people will give up on fashion post lockdown. We explore the hypothetical about genocide. Which show should you watch first, The Office or It's Always Sunny? We talk about how unexpectedly great Middleditch & Schwartz on Netflix is. We also bring back f*ck-ems. It's AITA Thursday, this week we have the man who can't stop getting into fight at waffle house and the man who asks his wife to start wearing a maxi pad to bed. Voicemails include: Quarantine Thirst Traps, Fish in the Garbage, and dumb school punishments. Jimmy O. Yang joins the show. We talk about his new stand up special Good Deal on Amazon, his professional ping pong career, and the art he got from the Silicon Valley set. He tells us what it was like working on Space Force and how he was able to help get a role for his dad on it. He also gives us an exclusive look at his band The Yellow Panthers new song. Snooki & Joey return to the show. Snooki tells us why she left the Jersey Shore, Joey tells an outrageous story about having an "oopsie" in quarantine, we talk about Britney Spears casually burning down her gym, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Let's get it. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. The video for this, if you're watching, is probably going to be funny. I feel like we're going to look like Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles just doing a podcast looking up at the sky because we have such a bad connection. Looking at the screen actually makes it harder. So we're just doing a really long phone call, John.

So we're probably going to talk over each other a lot. All the time. It's going to be something you deal with for the next hour and a half to two and a half hours, because I don't know how long this podcast is going to be. Honestly, I would say, I have two questions, and this kind of ties into what I wanted to talk about nicely. I would say that transitioning over to, what do you want to fucking, what's the term teleconferencing? I think it's been relatively smooth. I don't think it's i don't think we've lost a step you know it's like a little awkward but i feel like the audience hasn't really been like oh my god

this is brutal so i think that's a testament to to nick i i hate it i like the the production of it might be fine i hate it I don't know. It doesn't seem that different to me. The show itself isn't that different to me, but everything around it is. When we're in the office, we just get in the studio and go. Here I have to move around the house, we just get in the studio and go. Here I have to like fucking move around the house, find where the internet's the best. I have to like

do shows in front of my family. I have to like do construction. Avoid, I don't know. And then you just get in your own head about different shit and I don't think the show for me is as good. I miss being able to, it's been very hard for me. I don't know why because when I'm in the studio I

just tell guests like hey do you mind just filming this video and we get ATI every time I find it incredibly hard to get them to do answer the internet via zoom and I don't know why it's any different do you think it would be easier because it's it's used they don't have to get up but for some reason you're right and I and I miss like when a guest comes in and you like dap it up and you talk for like even just like 10 seconds before you start recording makes all the difference so i don't know what the product has been like maybe you guys can let us know if it's been because i keep wondering two things one don't let us know if it's been bad just let us know if it's been great that's like no bad feedback right now fuck you if you're trying

to give us bad feedback it's not our fault but if But if it's been great, please let us know. If when we go back, if we ever go back, if people will just quickly abandon like Zoom interviews and go back to the old way. And also. You got to fucking hope so, right? I don't know, though, because I think you can get more guests this way. I'm sorry. I didn't mean interviews. I meant meetings.

I'm speaking for other jobs and shit like that yeah interviews well i don't know dude with with twitter here's here okay this is my overarching question for everything because i was going to ask about zoom interviews i was going to ask about fashion and now i can ask about work twitter comes out and says you never have to go back to work. I think that other digital companies are going to follow. Do you think that like when things resume, we will see long lasting dramatic changes in the world? Like right now, I'm wondering, like, will people, Rhea had a tweet the other day being like, I'm never going to wear high heels again.

And I saw you in your, for the SportsCenter thing. And I was like, I haven't seen anybody dressed up in fucking months. And like, will there be a paradigm shift where people don't care about those things anymore? Or will it be like when your social media app updates and you're all like, you know, in a frenzy for two days and then you just go back to normal? No, I think I just go back to normal no i i i think i think i i will go back to normal i i i've worn probably the same four shirts this whole time but no when i get to go outside again i'll go back to normal i i think largely people might even step out even harder at least for the first few months be like all right i i've been saving up first of all i've been saving up everything's

clean second of all i've been saving money so I've been buying clothes like a son of a bitch. It's time to step out in all of these. Get these fits off, boy. I wonder... If that's the lasting impression of coronavirus, that people wear sweatpants all the time, I'm going to be absolutely furious. Dude, I would consider

coronavirus positive if that's the lasting impression. That's fucking bullshit. If you just start wearing sweatpants everywhere, and I'm not talking like athleisure sweatpants which are like in fashion. I'm talking like, if you fucking scumbags start dressing like some asshole from

Quincy with dirty white sneakers and fucking white socks, Dave, fucking ripped sweatpants, shorts, fucking, you all have to move to one island. That's some fucking bullshit. At least look like you showered today. Again, if you want to wear comfortable pants, that's fine. There are acceptable versions of comfortable pants.

But if we're just stepping out in fucking baggy sweatpants and flats, what are we even doing on this planet anymore? I don't know, man. I don't know. It depends on how long this goes. It depends on what the world looks like. How can being stuck inside even make you not want to look good anymore?

The optics of what is attractive haven't changed. You've always known what's comfortable and what wasn't. Yes, but when all that people have to offer is just a little fucking square with your face,

there's not the same incentive to dress and look good. No, I know. But I'm saying, like, why would that stick afterwards when you're out in public? We like it's not like I learned sweatpants are comfortable in quarantine. Right. Well, that's what I mean, though. Like, will would there how long would this need to go for people to like for there to be a paradigm shift about all things culture like i wonder if i think about like real estate brokers when they see that that a big company like twitter is like we're not going to need buildings anymore like that's probably a fucking problem for commercial real estate brokers you know

or yeah i think that i think we've been trending that way for a long time and this is just kind of the the last accelerant to get us over the hump i mean we've definitely been trending like a traveling salesman used to be a thing like a fucking guy who drove around in his car and like that was like the first step of being like okay this person doesn't need to come into the office every day and then it's I think it's just continue to progress. And there are like jobs, like creatives, like what we do.

Like, I don't really like this. I don't hate it. It's not the worst thing in the world, but like I, I get a lot of my ideas and shit. Like when we're just bullshitting on our desk. Yeah.

So without that, it doesn't like, you don't just bullshit on zoom. So that's hard. But I, I think that I would hope that commercial real estate and shit has been planning for this because if they haven't then they just haven't seen well i don't know dude you look around that like like there's a there's gonna be a bunch of old fucking white people who

just get wiped out like the the old guy who can't connect to zoom the fucking the politicians who don't know how to do this digital shit. I mean, I think they're just going to... You know when Joe Paterno just died because it was too stressful? I think a bunch of old people are just going to fucking die because you have to use computers and nothing else, and they just can't do it. Yeah, and I think the...

What was it? I was watching Catastrophe with my parents, and we've been watching Mindhunter and Catastrophe, which is just so much weird sex stuff. Oh my God, John, what kind of fucking masochist are you? Yeah,

it's been bad. It's been bad. And I, and honestly, I've seen both of those shows. And if you'd asked me before I watched with my parents, are they overly sexual or anything like that? I would have said,

no, not at all. And boy, is my answer changed on that. Yeah. I'm pretty sure in the first couple episodes of Catastrophe, they're talking about putting a finger in his ass, aren't they?

No, the first couple episodes are actually fine. Season two is where it gets to be too much. But anyway, the reason I bring it up is he gets that job at Brightband where they had a prescription drug that killed a bunch of old white dudes. And he was like, look, if you were going to have killed off a bunch of people,

the best ones to have done it, the easiest comeback is the old white guys. So if you look at it like that. I'm just going. I can't decide. All right, let's just go full genocidal if we're going to wipe out a group of society is that who your pick is? without a doubt I can't decide between that and the hillbillies though

well that well magicians are one but the it's just look I just don't want people to yell at me and i feel like if i do old white guys i'll have the least amount of people yelling at me john that was powerful that was so succinct and so to the point and so fucking real and i'll be honest i don't even know what it really means,

but it also means everything. I just don't want to get yelled at anymore. A fucking men, brother. I want to sit here, drink a Miller light and not deal with any bullshit. That is like the fucking game right now, dude.

And it's just like the people who would yell at you. If you wiped out old white dudes are the easiest people to dismiss. Shut up, Timothy. I don't care about your grandfather. Whatever, dude. Everything else, I feel like, I don't know. Plus, old white dude names you just don't feel sad for either, really. Like Pop Pop.

Wow. See you later. Pop Pop, you basically turned Pop Pop into an inanimate object. That death is on your blood. I mean, that blood is on your hands for choosing that name. Pop Pop is a toy, not your fucking grandfather, dude. Oh, we buried Pop Pop. Is that your goldfish

or your fucking grandfather? I don't know. I can't tell the difference. If I let white on your abuelo, I'd feel awful. Abuelo's so beautiful. Yes, yes. Pop pop, get the fuck out of here, dude. Pop pop's your Nazi-ass grandfather.

When I think of pop pop, I think of Dennis' grandfather in Sony. A Nazi. That is the name of pop pop. A little Nazi. He's a fucking old Nazi in bed, eating fucking weeks-old soup with long-ass toenails. That's what pop pop is. I want to propose something right now that we have to prepare for. I think I want to say that the imagery of Charlie Kelly opening the door in

full Nazi garb, eating a banana is the single funniest, like boom scene in, in always sunny history. Just, just like funny image, like whether it's Frank crawling out of the couch or everybody going through withdrawal with crack. What is your favorite?

Just one shot of Always Sunny. When he opens that shit with a smile on his face, eating a banana like a fucking monkey. I am in tears every time. It's so fucking funny. Did you watch that recently or are you just thinking Nazis right now? I guess it's Vice. I think that does like a regular weekday marathon, and it's been all season one recently. It is so fucking good, dude.

It is. That dude who asked, should I start The Office or Always Sunny? Easy question. Actually, you know what? Let's do that right now. This debate is brought to you by Miller Lite. Like we just said, nobody wants to yell anymore. Nobody wants to debate anymore.

We got the people who still think it's a hoax. We got the people who are overreacting. We're going to have to stay inside. Baseball this, schools that. It all sucks. Just kick back, have a Miller Lite, and let's get through this together. Share some laughs, share some stories, cry on a shoulder, have some sentimental moments,

watch some awkward sex scenes with your parents like fights. Whatever it is, Miller Lite is here to help us get through the tough times. Always enjoy it responsibly, but enjoy it with friends and family because that's the best beer. That's the best way to sip the best beer in the game. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's only 3.2 carbs per 96 ounces and my uh per 12 ounces 96 calories my rule is anything under like five carbs and 100 calories it's not even real that doesn't even count it's venmo calories right there you go venmo calories fake money fake news you could drink as many of those as you want you're

not going to put on any weight don't quote me on that i'm not a scientist but i'm pretty sure that's also true so enjoy miller light because it's the healthiest, it's the best tasting, and it's the best for good friends and family to get together and get through these tough times. So get your Miller Lite today. You can get it delivered right to your door. You don't have to go out. You don't have to see anybody or touch anybody. Beer appears on your front step and you let the good times roll. Thank you to our friends at Miller Lite. Great question. Almost impossible that that dude tweeted us and said, what show should I start? The Office, Always Sunny, Parks and Rec. I mean, he listed like every great American comedy. He said or anything else. Like, oh, I don't know.

Have you been in like a fucking like a doomsday bunker for 25 years? Should I start Seinfeld or Friends or Sonny or The Office? But let's narrow it down. I think we can agree it's between The Office and Sonny. Yes. And I agree with your sentiment that The Office is more, I believe you said culturally relevant. But I also think pure funny goes to Sonny. Yeah, I believe you said culturally relevant, but I also think pure funny

goes to Sunny. Yeah, I said that too. I think pure funny does go to Sunny, but the office is just like, the office is almost learning a new language. It's like you're going to get things where you're just like, oh wow,

I didn't even know what Ricky was talking about five years ago, but now I get that joke and that was funny. I knew a girl who always said that's what she said and had no idea it came from Steve Carell in the office. I'm positive he gets credit for that. I'd heard that a lot. Obviously, they didn't

write that, but I feel like that was a thing already. I'm definitely going to give him credit for popularizing it then. Yeah. Put it I mean, I'm definitely going to give him credit for popularizing it then. Yeah. Put it this way. I cannot give you a single name of anybody before that. No, you're right on that.

That was the one I always kind of resented him getting. I thought that he came from elsewhere. But that's neither here nor there. Now, how about this point, though? Because it just ties into our earlier conversation will the office within even just a couple years now be like outdated no you don't you think that they'll always be like office dynamics that'll be understandable oh oh i see what you're saying okay um you're a fully digital world and i mean

if you think about it dunder mifflin is like the most archaic Fucking company in the world right a paper company Yeah but at the same time An office is just a microcosm for society Like I found the humor In the office I started watching it when I was like a sophomore In high school and I got it And I've never really worked in an office

Now we're getting to pretty much We work in an office But the idea And I did this with Cubicle Chronicles And I do it with Mail Time in an office. Now we're getting to pretty much we work in an office. Oh yeah. The idea, and I did this with Cubicle Chronicles and I do it with Mail Time, the overarching theme of all that is just annoying people. That is for infinity that will be understandable

and relatable. I watched The Office in high school and I was like, okay, that's James from elementary school. Everyone, you have that person in your life no matter what. You might not work with them, but you can easily put all of yourselves in one room. Like I'm Jim, of course, because I'm the fucking normal one because everyone sees themselves as the normal one. And then that's fucking, that's Dwight, that's Angela, that little ho is Meredith. Like you can put all of you in the room just

knowing their personalities without having to be in an actual office. When I think about Meredith, if I see that actress, I would think of a booze bag ho. She said that. I remember I read it at AMA with her. She wasn't

a big actress. It was weird. The office is very strange like Phyllis was like a fucking costume designer um and I think Meredith was a similar situation don't quote me on that but she was talking about like how she just like had to dump them out all the time she was like yeah I was just

down whatever but she's like yeah I just I just dumped them out all those scenes dude that actually reminds me, speaking of that, we are going all over the place and we're fucking working it. Maybe this whole not looking at each other in the face thing works. In Parks and Rec,

there's a very famous scene where Andy comes to the door quote-unquote naked and he's coming to surprise fucking it's karen in the office but what's her name uh and he's coming to surprise ann and uh but leslie opens a door and sees him naked and like freaks out and they kept trying to take it was the end of the day they kept trying to take kept trying to take, kept trying to take, kept trying to take.

They couldn't get it. Andy just actually showed up naked on set. That reaction is Leslie Knope or now her name just came to me. It's Leslie Knope's actual reaction to seeing Andy Dwyer's dick. Can you imagine doing that

right now? You're going to fucking jail, bro. Right? You show a fucking unsolicited dick pic on set. Dude, I respect that, though, man. That's awesome. That's the craft. It's also different

like they're friends, right? I forget what season this is, but you're a few seasons in and showing your dick to your friend is different than like, hey, suck there'd be some you know production assistant who felt uncomfortable you know there'd be something that it's like well i'm not friends with him and he subjected me to that but it was like it's an awesome moment for fucking thespians you know like on stage come on that's the fucking modern version of dropping Alan Rickman. Die hard. Right.

Alan Rickman was dropped on what? Two or one or whatever it was instead of three. So that's actual surprise when he's falling. Right. That's actual surprise in Leslie's face. Cause she saw the dude on the exorcist, the guy on the exorcist, the director used to fire guns in the air blanks to just scare people just to

keep them like on edge. It was like psychotic, but that's why that movie is fucking awesome. those things make great greatness it's crazy except when jared leto sends you dildos and fucking pig's heads on set of suicide squad because that movie still sucked yeah that was not that was not well calculated he was sending what like fucking tampons and youth condoms i don't know that That lore has gotten so out of control now for everything that he's sent, but he's sent a lot. Wait, what's your final answer on Office or Sunny?

I stopped sticking with The Office. Watch The Office first. First of all, I think The Office is easier. I think it's a less dense watch. Then Sunny... I don't know.

Also, Sonny is, I feel like the Office is a warm-up. It's less of an undertaking. Or maybe it's more of an undertaking. I forget,

because Sonny's got way more seasons, but the Office was like 20 episodes per season. Yeah, but I also think that the Office

is going to hit you with like sentimental episodes. Like, you'll tear up on The Office occasionally. You're not going to with Sonny. No, there's no... Actually, that's a good question. Do you think that they'll do

a sentimental goodbye with Sonny that could make you emotional? No, I think Sonny's going to go just like those fucking guys would go. I think we got a taste of it with Dennis. We're just like, all right, I'm fucking out of here. You know what would be perfect? Honestly,

if I could script the ending to Sonny, I want them to literally throw Frank out in the trash. I want Frank to die. I want them to throw him in the alley and they just walk away and that's it. And they just go right back to the bar and they go back in and that's it. And that's it. To a little Sopranos cut.

Frank's out in the trash. Maybe Roxy's there. I don't know. Yeah. Imagine that Roxy's skeleton. They're curled up like Romeo and Juliet. Yes. Yeah.

I, I, I, I think I'm with you probably do the office first, but cannot go wrong. Oh, and one last thing we'll do, we'll make it a Barstool DVR segment. I think I'm with you probably do the office first, but cannot go wrong. Oh, and one last thing we'll do,

we'll make it a Barstool DVR segment. You talk about dense watches. I talked about it with my brother, but I got to talk about it with you. Middle ditch and Schwartz. Oh yes. I find it to be, and I know I'm prone to hyperbole.

I might be a prisoner of the moment a lot. I've given it some time. I don't know if I'll tell you it's the funniest thing I've ever watched, but I will tell you I never have laughed out loud at maybe anything other than like the best, best Chappelle standup than I did the Middle Ditch and Schwartz. I mean, it's a, it's one hour of nonstop, at least chuckles, if not like full blown tears and like stomach hurting wildness. The first five minutes I was like, okay, I'm in for something completely different than I've ever seen before.

And I've never seen improv. I've never gone like once to like a drunken improv night. I'm like, I've never seen good improv. I've never seen bad improv. I've never seen improv. I went completely. Did you have an opinion of it before? No, I read your blog. I didn't disagree with what you thought, but

I knew I cohorted with people who did think that. I wasn't like, you're a fucking loser, but I wasn't also rushing to go, obviously. I thought it was kind of a trope to be like the annoying, over top try hard actor guy and i'm sure those exist in the improv world and i'm sure those i'm sure schwartz the middle

ditch are just the best at it where they do it in a very like trent texted me after i put that blog up and he said the main thing that differentiated it for him was that they kind of break the fourth wall and acknowledge how fucking dumb this all is not like you know stay in character this is important they're just kind of like i mean when middle dish is is saying like like you can definitely tell that ben schwartz wants to just throw wrenches into everything and middle ditch is like i really don't want to let that alien out of the closet because it's gonna totally fuck fuck up the storyline, dude. Like I need you to understand how important it is to stay on track here. But I mean, did you, did you feel anything? I felt 20 to 30 minutes in, I was like, boy,

you're going to do this for like a full hour. Like I think I kind of get the point, but that's when I thought I really picked up and they started doing the callbacks and they started having like 10 or 12 characters going. So if you're not into improv and you think that like it's repetitive, just try to push through that because that's when like the true brilliance comes out. I thought episode one and three were my favorites,

but one was far away from my favorite. One, like it's crazy. It's almost like I attribute it to bar school luck now where it's just like, what are the odds that that's the guy who's there? Like that guy who's telling the story. And the moment of my first laugh out loud was when Schwartz goes, yeah, it's about time you take over again. When the friend is telling the story of their wedding. Yeah, I was like, oh, this is going to be great.

This is going to be so good. At first I thought, I was like, really? The Netflix machine is behind it. You have these big A-list stars. You're telling me that they didn't think to plant someone in the audience or have some material ahead of time. But then I remember what you just said, is that people are always accusing that with Barstool. And it's like, no,

man, fact is stranger than fiction. And that's the craziest people are the fucking weirdos out there like there's no way you can sit down and be like best friends for three years at a musical festival who met in a walmart parking lot after trying to ditch each other that's who the wedding is like that's it's possible that's too much that's too much you can't do it now i have two. One, who do you think the star is? Because I go back and forth on both of them. He had the better

episode. He had the better performance. And two, I want to get Ben Schwartz back in here. I've been DMing him for a little bit because when he was on the show, he was promoting Sonic. And he just kind of mentioned this at the very end. Well, hang on here.

He didn't just mention it, and we're going to have to hold him to this. He mentioned it and then said he wants us to be the first test case who sees it on video first and then sees it live second. So he wanted us to be his guest. I think the show in New York was supposed to be in April, and obviously it got canceled. But when that show gets announced, Benny's getting called up being like, hey, where are my kids? That's happening. I'm not one to hold people to podcast promises.

Yeah, come on my show. Hey, let's get together. That one, Ben, we're coming for those fucking tickets, dude. But I have so many questions for him because I think the main thing I want to know is they put out three specials, right? What do you think their hit rate is? Do you think they did that five times, 10 times, 50 times? I think their hit rate is 100% because I think if you're in the crowd, you're laughing 10 times harder. You think that they just did three specials and they got three Netflix-worthy episodes?

Yeah, I think if you are – because I had, when I first tweeted at it, tweeted about it, um, I had people replying to me like, I saw it live and it was a funny thing. I saw like a different, right here. Our boy Nick just said they recorded.

I, that is incredible. They recorded four. They released three that I already said it was the most like brilliant comedy I ever saw. But the fact that they went three for four on it and had three, not only arable, but very laugh out loud, funny specials is, I really think it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen in comedy. Seriously. I'm pretty sure they said too, it wasn't even like the fourth one was bad. It was just like, we just put out our three best because we were only contracted to do three but we were

able to record four i mean i don't i love it i think that is so fucking cool that those dudes are probably what they're they're you know when you when you talk about stereotypical tropes they're like the theater kids they're the improv nerds whatever and I think when I see those two on stage doing that I'm like these guys are fucking rock stars like girls are probably swooning dudes are jealous they are like the stars of the world in my mind

I think Middleditch was I think Middleditch is this comedic star I think Schwartz is the writer I think I could see them both like in their element out there and I think Schwartz is the writer. I think I could see them both in their element out there. And I think Schwartz had a quote where he was like, writing TV shows and stuff like that has helped me with quickly putting together the storylines.

But Middleton's made me laugh out loud. So the first episode's my favorite, obviously, I said. And Middleton's made me laugh out loud the most in it. So I'm going to give him the star treatment. But he also looks the most the star. He looks like he's had quite a glow up from Silicon Valley. Well, I also would say that the physical comedy that Middle Ditch does, like when he was doing short ball and he sits,

like when he becomes a girl, when he becomes short, you can see the difference in his body. It's wild. So if you haven't given a shot and i know i know there are barstool fans tons of them if not like all of them that would say improv show no fucking way i'm begging you to go watch middle ditch and schwartz if you've ever if you ever thought our recommendations are good this one is like a mortal fucking lock that you will have. So go watch it.

I woke up this morning. The first thing I said was, and I just said it in my head, but for some reason I was just like, this is such a special occasion and why are you so lit? And I was like yelling at the mom, short Paul. You know what I just said to myself? I'm loose. When you ask me

to be loose, I tighten up! So many good quotes, and the fact that none of them are written is just fucking mind-blowing. So, that's it for Barstool DVR. It's Thursday, so it's time to get into Am I the Asshole? I have two quick things real quick. Sorry. It doesn't need a segment,

so I just got to say it. It's two fuck-ems. Two throwback fuck-ems. One, fuck Crocs kid. Big time fuck Crocs kid. That dude, Crocs was a funny case, man. He claimed he wanted to just edit. He claimed he wanted to just be behind the scenes. And as soon as he got to Barstool, put the fucking Crocs on,

put the wallpaper on his desk, all that shit. And I don't even really begrudge him for doing stupid shit on TikTok because like, Hey, that's the fucking game right now. But doing it during a fucking pandemic, like people have masks on and you're dumping cereal on them and all that shit.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was tolerable. Not during the pandemic where like, I never saw much of it but i'd be like this isn't funny but whatever things aren't funny to me doesn't mean it's not funny to everybody i'm fine with that and but this is like you're being a legitimate fucking piece of shit like a bad person dude like that that fucking that fucking serial video infuriate crushed her blog on this.

But the cereal one in particular, the yelling in people's faces, coming on the counter at fucking takeout restaurants where fucking people are just trying to do their job is fucking bullshit. You're a scumbag, dude. You're a straight up scumbag. I mean, that's the example of when clout chasing goes severely wrong. And I'm surprised it's like, I don't know. That dude should be just fucking erased.

I don't know if he has enough of a fan base to, like, stick with him. But I can't imagine anybody giving that dude the time of day anymore. Two, fuck him. A nice throwback, fuck him again. Fuck hockey Twitter. Dude, they're going right now. There's a little thing happening where it's this – I think it was Colin Wilson was on –

I'm trying to find it real quick. Let me check. Colin Wilson, I believe, the Avs, was on the Bar Down podcast. And it's like – so I'm going to read you a thing. It says if you ever want to talk about how restrictive hockey culture is from a young age this is a great example and it's um when it's colin wilson's talking and they're asking why he doesn't wear colored tape on his stick and he's like i just don't have it he's like i think it's cool on i'll read the full quote sorry i'm a little all over the place

because i want to know your opinion is colored. Is colored tape a cool thing, a lame thing, a normal thing? It's an abnormal thing, which therefore makes it a lame thing. Got it. Also, there is the theory that black tape... I don't know. It's not a theory. It's a fact. Black tape hides the puck better. Yeah, absolutely.

Goalies don't know when you're going to shoot and shit like that, which is why I tentatively stuck up for whoever it was in San Francisco who said, like, Lamar Jackson hides the ball better. I was like, I didn't stick up for him, but I was like, that was something we were taught in hockey, where it's like,

if you have white tape, you're kind of a showboat. Black tape hides the puck. I was a white tape guy. Naturally. But the, uh, I want to know your opinion on this. What about colored tape? He says, colored tape? I don't know.

Not for the NHL. But I think it's a pretty fun experiment. And I think those, I mean, I get excited during those everyone can play night where you do warm-up in rainbow tapes. I always want to keep that for the game. I think it's a pretty dope style. So why don't you guys? I just don't have it in me. Can't get tripped by my teammates and the other team

and still try to play the game. He's getting roasted for how restrictive and let's see what the quote is. When a player on your team says this, it's obvious the team in question is not nearly as progressive as they'd like to think. How they'd like to use rainbow tape during a game.

First of all, he's not talking about rainbow tape he's talking about colored tape we're talking about like coming out of the closet and making some grand statement that mike fucking you don't want to get your ball and it's like it's they're both true but you lose people when you go so crazy with that like right you're right it pro sports are too are not progressively like to pretend they are restrictive progressive as they like to pretend. They are restrictive. I do like to think, probably just because it's what I associate the most with, that hockey would be the most progressive locker rooms.

They are kind of more like, I mean, probably because they're the closest to being gay already, but also like they've had the if you can play, you can play. A lot of the stars have spoken out on that, where I think stars in other leagues have been a little more quiet. Um, but a lot of guys have been like, look, if you can fucking score goals,

you're on my line. I don't give a shit. But like, that's, he's not talking about rainbow tape. He's talking about, dude, we used to make fun of guys, like how they tape their knobs, how they tape their stick. Like it's just, you just make fun of people. If you were doing something a little different, you make fun of it. It doesn't mean, oh, you're gay. It just means like you're being weird. It's not hateful it's not bullying it's probably like

better for camaraderie in a way like oh yeah for busted balls and stuff like that like i i used to do uh you kind of spin your tape right and then you kind of make your knob like that and it like puts a grip on your knob and again at young age i was taught that makes it easier to pick your stick up off the ice if you if you dropped it and people be like what are you a fucking child like you need you still need that knob i didn't have a big fat knob on top don't get me wrong it was it was still a regular knob but it just had like that like a grip twist grip and it was like i always i made fun of it i wouldn't say i was gay because it was just different than what other people did so if i if i up in fucking – if I used red tape or if I used green tape, that would be weird and I'd get made fun of for it. Yeah, I mean you were gay for many other reasons, not your fucking hockey stick.

Give me a break. Let's get into Am I the Asshole. Then we got our voicemails. And then we got our interviews today with Jimmy O. Yang who is in – he's got a new special out. He's also in Space Force. And we got a fucking another wild interview with Snooki and her boy, Joey.

If you know the show, you know how off the rails Joey gets. He tells a story on this show that is, I mean, it takes a lot to make me blush. And I was like, holy fucking shit. I think even Snooki was blushing. She's his co-host i mean snooki has literally

seen it all and she was like jesus fucking christ joseph so two big interviews uh let's get into mi the asshole though it's brought to you by fleishman salon john i'm liking the flow i'm liking this shaggy look i think i'm just gonna just let this go on for as long as i fucking can i think it's a good idea i mean i was i i think it was it's tough to get through the awkward phase but I've been eating the flesh green gummies which keeps it like shiny and healthy and thick I've been you know what I've done I've just completely started I just started using the shampoo as body wash because I like to smell so much I just got it all over me now. Dude, you know what's tough? I got to buy some new ones because shampoo usually

lasts me a long time, but I'm at home now and everyone uses it. Everyone's using it. Everyone's like, my whole fucking family's using it. Yeah. And it's like,

you know, the girls, the women are using it. The men are using it. It's tough out here. I'm going to have to use promo code KFC and get myself some new shampoo.

You go to Fleischman Salon. You go to shop. You use the code KFC and you get 20% off. And to fleischman salon you go to shop you use the code kfc you get 20 off and if you use uh if you sign up for a subscription or you get regular um deliveries you get another 10 off so you can get shampoo and conditioner you can get hair paste you can get hair cream you can get the sea salt spray which right now if you're trying to keep your hair under control because you can't get haircuts, you put the salt in it, gives it a little bit of grit, keeps it down a little bit.

The only time I do my hair is for Barcelona Sports Center. I am fucking straight up Barry Melvin. Yeah, you are. Magnificent in every time. That is strictly because of the sea salt spray. Everyone keeps asking me about the gummies.

It's the real deal, dude. You get the biotin, you get the vitamins in it, uh, and they taste good. So you get a little snack in the morning and, uh, you know, take it, take it, prove positive. You look at my hair, you know, probably fucking six years ago now when Erica first reached out to me and you look at it now, I would say it improved. So why don't you jump on Erica's fucking like, like MJ, just jump on the Cape and ride the Fleischman wave. And the good news is, uh, she's using the money from the sales online to help continue to pay her, uh, employees back

in New York. Cause they had to shut down their salons. So it's all kind of going to a good cause because I mean, you know, you hear some of these dates thrown around. People are talking like first of the year in some companies, some crazy doomsday predictions. So you've got to help out when you can. And the fact that she's willing to donate all this money, not donate, but it should have been profits, and now it's just being used to break even. It's a pretty cool move by her.

She's friends with us. Her products work. The proof is in the pudding with our hair. I said on Twitter the other day, I can't co-sign it any harder. We called it a bubble bath for your head. It made me like shampooing. I usually don't shampoo. I shampoo with this shampoo because it makes me smell so good.

So go to FleischmannSalon.com. That's F-L-E-I-S-T-H-M-A-N. I mean, seriously, Lee, have a more difficult last name. Can we get a stage name for you now? What the fuck? FleshmanSalon.com. What? Erica Stewart. Yeah, done. Go to FleshmanSalon.com.

Use the promo code KFC. Get 20% off. Get an additional 10% off when you sign up for a regular delivery. Am I the asshole today? I'm going to interrupt you again one more time. We got a lock on this show today. I saw you quote tweeting me from last night.

My one thing, one little thing is actually a big thing. It was, there was no more perfect time to bring it up than with the devil on the game. I think we changed religion. Why doesn't the devil make hell awesome? Counterpoint, how do we actually know that's not the case? He would tell us. His job is to sow discord on earth. His job is to make people bad and get souls.

Yeah, but here's the thing. I feel like the devil doesn't have a lot of followers on social media. I feel like God has more followers and it's fake news. And the devil just can't get the word out there. Like, come on down here. It's pretty fucking awesome. You know what? I mean, you're not wrong with that.

That's a fair take. Someone tweeted that at me, too. They say he doesn't have the PR machine that God has. Right. Like anarchists are shunned by society. What if they're just right? What if like, you know, the pentagram and all that shit is like, because hell is where it's fucking at. Well, the Church of Satan is one of the nicest Twitter accounts.

The Church of Satan Twitter account is much like the Pornhub comment section where it's like, oh, this is a wholesome, good person right here. These people are like the Church of Satan account gets mad at people who are being mad. Yeah. He might just be the guy. The angel who fell from grace is actually just like. Well, doesn't that make sense? You know what I mean? Like, it's always the guy who's holier than thou that has the skeletons in his closet and it's the guy who's

gone through hell that is like the most you know my cards are on the table here's the fucking deal maybe we've just been reading this situation wrong for 2000 years I think it checks out to me so are we anarchists are we gonna be Satan worshippers I'm into it you got the

at home tattoo kit thingy put your money where your mouth is and just throw a pentagram on the arm. Get a little six-pack. Yeah, there you go. You're fighting behind the hair or something. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. If you made hell awesome, it's like, you know, I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints sort of thing.

People will be flocking to the gates of hell before they want to go to a party in heaven. Yeah, I think so. Now let's talk about the assholes of society. Um, this one went viral as far as am I, the asshole does.

Uh, and I, I don't know what to make of it because am I, the asshole is a very, like we've been saying all along this episode, fact can be stranger than fiction. But sometimes you got to really question, are these stories real? Are they embellished? one that went viral about the Waffle House is it's either going to be fact is stranger than fiction or we're going to have to assume that

there's a little bit of creative freedom here. John, read us this Waffle House. The reason why I'm inclined to believe it is we know that all bets are off on Waffle House. That's what I was going to say before we even got there.

I believe it 100% because one, people are obsessed with Waffle House. Two, people are obsessed with Waffle House for the long it takes. I lived in Tallahassee. I lived right next door to Waffle House for three, two and a half years. And it was always like people were stunned. And I was like, I've never been. We've never been. Why would I go to the diner?

I don't have a need to go. But anyway, here it is. I know this sounds really weird, but here it is. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We met and started dating when we were both in graduate school, but I dropped out to go back to college to pursue a different career. We are both finished now and live together making a fairly nice combined income. Our income is relevant because we could afford to eat somewhere nice

when we're out and about, but he always wants breakfast food. When he was a child, his dad couldn't stand eating breakfast-type food in the afternoon and evenings, so his mom would make him waffles, pancakes, eggs, and bacon in the evening whenever his dad was busy or out of town. It's a wonderful and safe memory for him, and when he goes to his happy place, he says that's where he goes. My boyfriend is an incredibly nice and caring person. He's emotionally tuned into everything and recognizes arising issues a long time before they occur.

He loves animals and is kind and gentle with every bug, bird, and pet that he comes across. He's almost always willing to turn the other cheek in social situations where somebody tries to insult or get aggressive towards him and usually winds up diffusing the situation and having a productive discussion about whatever the issue was, except at Waffle House. I'm changing my mind. I'm out on it. Not true. There's too much unnecessary detail there. We don't need to know about the backstory,

the history, the father because when you get to the punchline here, it's like, who fucking cares? But I guess if you wanted to paint the picture that this is a wholesome thing, he's not a violent guy. But caring for bugs and diffusing situations and having productive discussions, who the fuck diffuses a situation that has a productive discussion?

Anyway. So cut to the chase. Okay. I guess this is here. It's a lot. Anytime we're out, he wants to go to the same goddamn Waffle House and get breakfast food. I'm not a big eater, so I usually don't really care. I would just go and drink coffee and read my book while he enjoys his food.

Crazy, too. Why are you reading your book? Let's go to dinner. But that became impossible once he and his cook started chirping at each other every time we went there. Boyfriend complained about his eggs one time because he likes them a little runny and they were served hard. The cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hard-boiled eggs. I think it's part of the cook's shtick, and it was kind of funny, to be honest.

My boyfriend wasn't able to laugh it off. When we left, he was in kind of a bad mood, but we didn't really talk about it. The next week, we were going out getting some shopping done, and he wanted to go to Waffle House again. I suggested that we try out a different place, at least a different Waffle House location, but he only wanted the same Waffle House. We went in and sat down, and once again, the same cook served his eggs wrong.

My boyfriend sort of snapped, and he wasn't interested in messing around and wanted the correct eggs. The cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole cut out in the middle with a fried egg in it. My boyfriend got really mad and threw the egg in the toast to the cook, which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him. They ended up sort of wrestling, fighting until my boyfriend was like, this is bullshit and walked

out. Nobody got hurt, but a few people in there were watching and laughing at him. This is the crazy part. My boyfriend keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fist fights with the same cook. It's almost a ritual at this point. My boyfriend orders runny eggs, the cook serves him another version of eggs, and they beat the shit out of each

other. I quit going with it after the second fight, but he keeps going by himself. They're like Peter and the giant chicken from Family Guy. It's the weirdest thing. They physically fought six or seven times over this. That to me is like, we would have a video by now. There would be something, right? Six or seven fights in a Waffle House. No evidence.

No, right? I mean... I just said at the start of this one waffles people are passionate about their waffle house yes two people about pat waffle house are passionate about being crazy right three cooks at waffle house are not here for the bullshit they're they're there are people who have dealt with too many crazy people who love waffle house and they're at wits end every single day they clock in. Every fucking day they clock in they are...

They're on the front lines. They're like coronavirus people. They're at the front line with the scales of society. Right. They're a fucking runny egg order away from fucking stabbing someone. They're probably on work release. You don't just apply for a job at Waffle House.

That's like when you're fucking, you're on probation. Right. That's community service. They're like, look, it's your last day. You need to prove today that you're finding work or else you don't get, you go back to jail. Like, fine, I'll take that job at the fucking Waffle House. That is what you do right before jail. You go, I'll go to Waffle House. That is what you do right before jail. You go, I'll go to Waffle House. I'll also say, I think there's a little bit of a cultural divide going on because black Twitter

was like, this shit is true, bro. If you've ever been to the Waffle House, you know how possible this is. And I think a lot of the white folks are like, no way, you can't possibly be. And then I always go back to like, if it's not, if it's not true, like hire that person who posted this as a fucking blogger. Cause that's like, that's some posted this as a fucking blogger because that's like that's some kb type of shit where you're just cooking up cooking up fucking ideas in your brain you should be writing tv scripts or whatever see i i also like if it's true i'm jealous because i love this kind of passion and i wish i had it but you know when girls in boobies talk about how they want a passionate guy that girl doesn't want me. There's nothing in like that fucking

I must one-up this man. I must have this man. He's questioned my manhood and I must take him down. I'd be like, I'm just going to go to a new place. But the Waffle House people are crazy. Yeah, I mean, that's like chivalry's dead. It's like, you know, if a man can't stand up for his eggs,

you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. So let's pray that the Waffle House house is as violent as advertised doesn't make you think like what a what a what a coward you are what a pussy you are like if i i wouldn't even i i definitely wouldn't say anything i might not even notice if i ordered scrambled eggs and you gave me a hard boiled egg yeah i mean part of me is is jealous that you know this guy is that passionate but part of me also thinks like the difference between eggs over easy or over hard or scrambled or boy it's the same fucking thing you're an asshole if you complain dude i'm like in the office when they try and see like what they can trick fuck it's stanley into not noticing but I think it's, I think it's fucking, uh,

I can't do names today. Uh, the old guy. Creed? Creed. Um, when he like, I think it's him who bites a potato and thinks it's an apple. Right? Like I, If I ordered steak and you brought out chicken, I'd just eat it. I'd probably not. I'd notice. Okay, let's not be ridiculous. I'd notice. But I wouldn't

even hesitate before going in to eat it. Right. Second, am I the asshole here? Am I the asshole for not wanting my girlfriend to bleed all over our sheets again? My girlfriend gets a heavy period the first two to three days. I have nothing against periods. They're natural.

And if leaks happen, they happen. However, for the last two she's had, she refuses to put on a pad at first. And when she's felt them come on both times both times we're in bed and trying to sleep and she's like oh that's i think that's my period and i say oh okay well go get a pad or check and she's like nah i'm too lazy and fell asleep we woke up to the bloodiest mess second time last month pretty much a repeat of what happened we're cuddling she's like oh there's my there's definitely my period, but I'm too lazy. I remembered the month before and offered to get her pads and new underwear. And she's like, nah,

it's fine. It wasn't fine. She bled all over me in the sheets when I got squeamish and tried to put them in the wash. Immediately, she laughed and said, it's normal. Yesterday, I put my foot down. It's near time again. I said, listen, you got to take care of this. First, she laughed and said I was being a baby. And then when I insisted, she said I was being misogynistic, being an asshole. And now she won't talk to me because apparently I'm a baby about it. I don't want to wake up in a bloody mess. Am I being unreasonable? I haven't looked at the comments. I mean, this is not an unreasonable request. There's so much here. First of all, it just really highlights how ignorant I am to female anatomy and anatomy in general.

I don't gender discriminate my ignorance. I'm ignorant to male anatomy too. But you feel a period? I guess. And it just, like, falls out. You just, like, shit blood? Like, you know it's gonna come? You know what I mean?

Like, I thought it just kind of happened. I didn't know it was an accident. If fifth grade taught me anything, girls can't fucking feel it. They just fucking piss blood all over the seats. Fucking every goddamn girl in my fifth grade class didn't feel it coming. Dude, I mean...

There were multiple fifth grade recesses that were ruined by having to walk by a puddle of blood on a seat, okay? Holy shit. Yo, that is done. I think we got steve's rep okay we'll pause all right a little editor's note we started off this episode

explaining you know giving you a look behind the curtain and talking about how the sausage was made. In the middle of John Henry ranting about girls bleeding on the benches, we had to pause for an interview. It took the wind out of our sails a little bit. So you might notice a little drop in energy, but we still have to answer the question. And I think unequivocally we can say this bleeding disaster of a woman is in fact an asshole. Correct? Yeah. Elise is the asshole. The what is?

Elise is. Elise. Yeah. What does that mean? All over the fucking benches, Kevin. I, Yeah. What does that mean? That's a loophole all over the fucking benches, Kevin. My faith in humanity was somewhat restored.

I was happy to report that all the comments were like, you're fucking disgusting. How about you have some personal hygiene? Because I thought, in this day and age, tell me you wouldn't have been would it have been shocking to have someone say you know it's natural why don't you grow up blah blah blah uh i think there's a line somewhere like this is very easily i mean especially the

fact like she said she knew it was coming and she was too lazy like i just started pissing and shitting in the bed. Right. That's basically what the equivalent is. You want to be animals? Fine. Let's be fucking animals. If you want to live like fucking like we were raised by wolves, we'll fucking do it. Look, I did it in college. I can do it again, no problem.

You want to fucking mess with this? And that's the thing. Babe, you want to play this game, I promise you it's going to go worse for you than it is for me. If we let this thing go wild, you are fucked. You're in a fucking river of shit. We might as well move to India because that's what this fucking bed is turning into. This bed's turning into a little dug trough.

I'm going to dig a hole between the coils, hope in there and you can bleed over in your. All right. I'm calling Alright, I'm calling it. I'm calling it. You are... You're the poop guy. You don't want to be the blood guy too. We're done. She's the asshole. It's time for voicemails. Get the fuck out of here.

Voicemails today are brought to you by Shady Rays. Fights is sitting outside in the sun right now. I see him squinting. It's crazy. It's the same thing I was talking about. There's now people just fucking spread out in every room of my house. I'm just sitting in the back yard yelling about periods. Whatever.

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up on a few pairs. These are just 48 bucks. So these idiots will go spend 300, $400. You're going to sit on them. You're going to lose them in the ocean, whatever it is. Why don't you grab yourself what? Two, three, four, five pairs of Shady Rays, all different colors, all different designs. Load up for the summer. Feed half of America right now. Get yourself some high-quality shades. And if there are any problems at all, there's free returns and exchanges.

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and use the promo code KFC. Go check it out right now and keep those eyes safe. Voicemails, what do we got, Nikki? KFC, fight. So good. I need you to lay down the rules of quarantine and throwing out thirst traps. What are the rules? Are there rules? Can you be texting guys that you haven't spoken to in two years? I don't know. I'm going to throw the pot.

I need some ground rules here. I need some help. I think we are into lawless territory here. I think it's always lawless. I think just, like we talked about the very last episode, where it's like, things said versus text, it's not real.

If you expect me to do anything I say in a text message, and I don't care if it's anything from moving a couch to fucking throwing you around the bedroom, I'm not going to do it. I don't have the it's anything from moving a couch to fucking throwing you around the bedroom. I'm not going to do it. I don't have the ability to do it. It's like, it's just not going to happen.

Yeah, sure. I'll get that. I'll do that. I'd love to do that. Can't wait to do that. That'd be my honor. My pleasure.

Never going to happen, but Hey, if it helps me to verbal confirmation, the thing, if we didn't get verbal confirmation, fuck a text message, bro. I mean,

if it helps though, right, you got to speak your truth. You want to fire off some pics. You want to talk a little bit. No, no, no. What I'm saying is you can do it. She was asking if you can go back like two years.

You can go back forever. Who gives a shit? I think, though, everybody just needs to understand you just can't have any expectations right now. Nothing. Nothing is real. You know what I love? You know what I love right now? Armando Galarraga trying to get the fucking perfect game overturned.

Like if you've got any Festivus like airing of grievances, fucking throw it out there. Cause there's never been a better time in history where people might go, eh, you know what? Like, yeah, Pete Rose wasn't that fucking big of a deal. Let them in. Steroids, who cares? Like this is the time to just throw wasn't that fucking big of a deal let him in steroids who cares like this is the time to just throw it out there because all of a sudden people don't give a

fuck about what they used to give a fuck about that's true that's true there's only one thing to care about right now and it's that so yeah i mean yeah text text fucking everybody text there's a mass text fucking sex your fucking dad lady, lady. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. The world is ending. Who gives a shit? Fucking sext. Play for the fucking meteor to hit and let's wipe this shit out. I guess I didn't know this. By the way, I go by those

rules all the time. It's not just quarantine rules for me. It's just, if I didn't talk to you, if I didn't say it to your face, it doesn't count. No deal. Deal or no deal? No deal. Yo, can you confirm or If I didn't talk to you, if I didn't say it to your face, it doesn't count. It's not happening. No deal. Deal or no deal? No deal. Yo, can you confirm or deny this for me?

Because I never know whether Dave's reliable or not. Dave on the rundown said that California said we're not opening until we have a cure. I think there was a Breaking911 Twitter. I never saw that from an official Twitter. You know that Breaking911 account? Yes. I don't know. They kind of broke it out there sometimes. Breaking911 Twitter. I never saw that from an official Twitter. You know that Breaking911 account? Yes. I don't know. They kind of broke it out there sometimes.

It might be true. It might not be. I saw three months or something like that. I saw they were like canceled summer. Yeah. That's what I saw. And then we had ourselves a good old-fashioned Clay Travis rundown today. It was a – the cure is worse than the disease.

Just open it up and let people die. I sat there in silence for like 13 straight minutes. I was like, I'm not fucking doing this. I don't know what was going on there. That was wild. But Dave is all on board. I think Dave would murder Fauci with his bare hands if you saw him right now.

I don't know how it's going to wrap up in the next 20 minutes. It's 3.40 as we record this today is dave's single worst day and if it goes wrong he said he might lose a million just today that's like dude you just don't know what you're doing fucking stop yeah like i have no pity for him on that like you're just doing something you don't know how to do so of course you're losing money 100 get the fuck yeah don't get me wrong it's good for business and all that stuff but i i don't know yeah you're losing money doing something you don't know how to do. So, of course, you're losing money. 100%. Get the fuck out. Yeah, don't get me wrong. It's good for business and all that stuff, but I don't know. Yeah, you're losing money doing something you don't know how to do.

I could have guessed that. Right. Next voicemail. What's up, KFC and Vice? I got an M.I.D. apple for you. So the other day I come home from work and I walk in the kitchen and it's just reefs of fish. You know, not a great smell to be welcome home to after a long day of work so i immediately go upstairs and i confront my girlfriend and i say hey what's

going on why does the house smell like fish you know why didn't you at least open a window try to get the air out maybe spray some degrees or something and she completely twisted on me saying that i'm an asshole because i can't even say hello after a long day and that i should be as much of an adult to at least figure out that the smell is coming from the trash can because she had fish for lunch and she threw some of it in the trash and then to take out the trash myself uh So this turned into a conversation about me being lazy and not being able to take out the trash. So am I the asshole for being upset for coming home to a house and freaking out some fish?

Or is she the asshole for not realizing that that would not be pleasant? All right, let me know. I just sometimes, I just cannot believe that humans agree to relationships when i hear this kind of shit i thought that was going somewhere completely different by the way yeah i i had i had some thoughts as well i thought she's gonna be like what are you talking about i like i don't i haven't cooked any fish and then you're gonna find out that she has like hbv or something yeah i thought that was that was going to make a bad turn.

It's just that she ate fish. It smells a little fishy. I think you're both the asshole for making this into anything at all. What are we doing? You're wasting your fucking lives. You two should absolutely break up. If you have fights like this, you should not be in a relationship. What is it? Oh my god, this is disgusting. The kitchen smells

like what you cooked. Right, and yes, is it annoying that as soon as someone comes home, they start to berate you? Yeah, sure. That sucks too. What are we, uh, why are you even together? And I know I'm the last person who should be talking, but I've seen the goddamn light. It's insane. What are you? Just don't do it. Both of you should just break up and never talk to each other again. Hello. Hello, happiness. Oh, fuck.

Why did you crash out? Well, I just came home. Why does it smell like fish? Well, I just cooked. End of argument. Done. Move on. Nobody cares. Let's do our last voicemail today is brought to you by Roman. Breaking news. Men do have skin, they do have faces, and they are ugly. Also breaking news, Roman has prescription strength skincare that will help you be less ugly. I don't know if that's something you'd be interested in. Me, myself, I don't like having an ugly face. I also have nobody but myself to blame because I don't ever like to try to make my face look pretty. If you give me some skincare, you tell me a doctor prescribed it, you tell me it's better than just some shit you can pick up at the pharmacy on the fucking aisle,

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Nick, hit us. Hey, guys. What's up? I just watched the video that Fights posted for Mother's Day about skipping school repeatedly and his mom just not giving a fuck. So shout out, Mama Seidelberg. But it got me thinking about the time I got caught skipping school. And then my punishment for not showing up to school was that I got suspended for three days. So in essence, they punished me for not showing up somewhere by making me not show up

somewhere. And I was wondering what the dumbest fucking punishment you ever got as like a middle or high school or any point in your childhood was. That's why in school suspension was the truth. Did you guys have that? Um, we had it in middle school. I never got it,

but it was definitely a thing. Because, yeah, I mean, oh, no, don't fucking make me stay home and watch Price is Right. You really showed me. But you sit alone in a room. But also, like, they do show you. I feel like that's kind of a common thing where people, like, bring that up. Like, oh, I suspended

maybe same school. Like, well, like, when you were skipping school, your parents didn't know yeah your parents and to act like you had to be a real fucking renegade to be like i don't give a fuck that i got suspended from school that's usually a bad thing but the sentiment behind the idea of like you don't get to come to school anymore because you weren't coming to school doesn't really make any fucking sense i think the punishment was more just telling your parents and then like and then your parents like depending on how old you were like your parents to set up like a babysitter or something like you're seeing in high school no but when you're the younger years like like i said middle school skipped school more in middle school than in high school

and i never got caught but had i gotten caught that would have been a problem for me yeah i feel like my mom was a G. I remember my mom always saying, like, don't worry about your teacher. Worry about me. Like, if you get good grades and your teacher doesn't like you, I don't fucking care. If I think you did a good job and did what you need to do, don't worry about them. So I was like, listen, I don't got to answer to you, bitch. I got to answer to my mom. So you do whatever you want.

My mom's cool with me. We're good. I don't know if I ever really was. I didn't got to answer to you, bitch. I got to answer to my mom. So you do whatever you want. My mom's cool with me. We're good. I don't know if I ever really was. I didn't get suspended. There was one time in elementary school that a kid accused me of bullying. That was a fucking farce. That was a hoax. I don't think I ever really got in much trouble.

I almost got suspended. I guess this wasn't a punishment. This was to avoid punishment. In middle school when I pants the kid. It was during gym class and he fucking i don't know if i caught boxers or if he wasn't wearing boxers but fucking old dicky came out and like you're a sex offender you're a sex offender you know my teacher straight up like a cute like he was like dude like i think i have to report you for this and you're in like

you're gonna like that's sexual assault you're in serious we're only in sixth grade i was like what dude he's like no if that happened today i guarantee you you could seriously face that well well luckily for me he made me shoot free throws and if i hit six out of ten i didn't get in trouble yes i love it i fucking love it and you hit it do you hit it like i forget i forget how many i hit i forget what the amount i had to hit was and how many i did hit yeah but i i was safe it was like while i was shooting it while i was shooting the kid was just sitting indian style in the corner like fucking he wasn't like chirping or anything like it wasn't like a fucking college basketball game but he was like watching me dude i don't know if he wanted me to hit him or if he didn't because

he was my friend right it wasn't some random kid i was bullying but i don't i don't know if he wanted me to hit him or if he didn't because he was my friend. It wasn't some random kid I was bullying, but I don't know how he wanted it to go because he wasn't allowed to fucking scream at me. I rose clutch to the moment. Didn't end up on a sex offenders list. Have you done one thing I learned on this? No. We talked

about this somewhere recently. I was like, write that down. Let's do one thing I learned on that. Yes, that is fucking unbelievable. That's a pilot episode of a TV show right there. That might be one of my favorite Final Broke stories, period. If you didn't know,

I thought I told it on here. If you didn't know about it, where would I have talked about it? I mean, I definitely have a vision of you talking about pantsing somebody with their dick out, but I don't think I knew that you could get off the hook by shooting free throws, and I definitely have a vision of you talking about pantsing somebody with their dick out. But I don't think I knew that you could get off the hook by shooting free throws. And I definitely didn't know that he was sitting on this fucking baseline watching you. I mean, that is a pressure-packed situation with your sexual assault victim watching you shoot hoops.

I could take you. Not right now, but it's not far from my house. I could take you right to the court. You got to go shoot one thing I learned on location. Holy shit. That is fucking unreal. All right. It's time for our interviews.

We got a couple more monsters. We'll start off with Jimmy O. Yang, one of the funniest dudes on the planet. He's got his own comedy special out. Good deal. He's got a part in Space Force, which comes out at the end of the month. He is riding the hot hand. We talk about him being a professional ping pong player at the age of six. We talk about him in a rap group called the Yellow Panthers, which might be the last time in history that you could have got away with racism like that. Very good interview with

Jimmy. It's brought to you by SimpliSafe. Right now, there's no more important feeling than being safe at home. You got to make sure you and your loved ones are safe in your house for as long as we're under quarantine. You got to make sure with all this uncertainty that you can rest easy at night. And that's what SimpliSafe does. They've got full comprehension protection for your home. There's no technician or salesperson that needs to come and disrupt you. You don't have to pay any outrageous monthly fees. You don't have to sign a two-year contract. You just order

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Let's talk to Jimmy. Oh, what's up guys. How are you? We're here. We're in here. What's up, Jimmy O. Yang. Sorry for being? Look at this motherfucker! We're here! We're in here! What's up, Jimmy O. Yang? Sorry for being late, bros. I'm good.

No complaints. Kind of chilling. Chilling in my crib. Dude, that's fucking... That's some nice art you got behind you. Is that special art? That's on purpose. You know, that is from the set of Silicon Valley.

No shit! Oh, that's awesome. You saw in the Hacker House, it's actually this carpeted art that one of our set designers made, Jordan Paul. Yeah, it's pretty cool. That's unbelievable. You guys all just kind of got to grab whatever you wanted?

Yeah, but they asked what we wanted and I really wanted this thing, but they were like, no, that one you gotta buy. We can't just give that to you. I was able to strike a decent deal with Jordan, so that was nice. I think you're doing all right. I think you can manage, right?

I can manage one piece of art in my house. You could argue you got that in a good deal. Hey! Pro professional! That's pro. That was a pro move. It's the new special out on Amazon Prime right now. It sounds like you are kind of the most stereotypical Asian guy ever,

but only you want to be able to make those jokes. Am I right? No, I mean, my stories are told from a very first person point of view. I think that's the only way I know how to do stand up and tell my stories because I never want to generalize, but yet my life does fit some of the stereotypes, but yet some of them, I turn them on its head, you know, like we don't all have small dicks as you saw on the special. For the audience listening that hasn't seen a special, I might or might not have pulled my dick out in the special. But no, I didn't do that. I didn't do that. Anyways. But yeah, I just talk from a very first-person

point of view and some things are true, some things are not. And then, you know, everything in the special is true. I'm talking about the stereotypes. Some are true, some are not. And that's the only way I know how to share a story and humanize these stereotypes instead of, you know, generalizing.

The competitive ping pong is the one that really hit me in the back. That's for real. How legit? Like, take me through the ping pong career. When did it start? And when did you realize that it probably wasn't going to be for you? I started playing ping pong how kids here would have started, like, Pop Warner football. Like, pretty young, right? I would guess maybe, maybe like around first grade, six years old, you know,

started playing ping pong. Are you out of the ordinary in school or is it like, like everyone's trying out for the ping pong squad? I think for some reason, my parents took it very seriously. Like we'll go to practice and they'll take me to training camp. Maybe the coach or whatever saw like a Colonel, like be like, Oh, this guy could be something. Whereas other kids might've taken classes or played on the weekend but wasn't taking it as seriously so we

took it very seriously like a mini table you know what's funny the first time i ever got on tv was when uh butterfly the table tennis company the ping pong company uh were trying out these adjustable height tables and i was one of the kids getting interviewed because i was such a tiny little like cute little kid and that was my first tv experience this news interview um but yeah i have like really cute videos because i was really small even for my age uh of like me being like chin high with the table and like just killing it on these like strokes if you like if if most if you're doing training games in this special you kind of make it seem like i think you were saying when

your dad gave you advice like you're too slow you're gonna stink yeah you were actually really good i was good i was competing at a tournament level but for some reason i have like really good form i look good playing it but i i i just wasn't a winner you know like how you've been watching we've been watching like the last dance like jordan is just like the ultimate winner you know i was more like scott burrell you know i got in the league but like just what i didn't have the winner mentality uh so i always end up like fourth or fifth in the tournament um Um, but yeah, I was, uh, I had a little moment of fame when I got on TV, did a couple of like interviews as a kid, not for my skills. I don't think I was decent, but I was just kind of like a cute little kid.

If you pick up the paddles now, are you, uh, are you like ultra competitive about it? Not, not, no. Okay. Well, we just opened up a, uh, like a game room in our office back before this quarantine there was a lot of office rivalries brewing and there are people who take that shit very seriously and i would imagine someone who was in a tournament level as a six year old you get the juices flowing again and it comes out the thing is it's a lose-lose situation

for me if i win okay the asian kid's supposed to win right he was a pro if i lose then they're like oh my god he's he's nothing he's a fraud you know and also when like you have to try it's like oh like jimmy's kind of an asshole about right it's better to just not and i haven't you gotta understand i my body has changed since i was six years old and and i haven't tried in a long time. And ping pong is so precise. It's all about practice. So I think I can still look really good. I can still look like a professional ping pong player. If I were to shoot a movie about ping pong, you know, I can spice like a spin, throw the ball super high on the serve or whatever,

but the ball landing on the other side of the table on the right place. I just don't think I've been a practice for that. So you'd be like side of the table in the right place, I just don't think I have enough practice for that. You'd be like one of the guys in a miracle movie when they had actual hockey players play, and they weren't very good hockey players. You could tell anyone who's a little older, you could tell they had it at some point, but you don't really have it anymore.

That's the fucking sweet spot of life, though. If you look like at one point you had it, because then you can tell all the war stories and shit like oh i was a fucking menace out there i could really make up the craziest shit like i met i met the president of hong kong because of play which is not even a thing um but i feel like when it comes to ping pong i'm like an n1 basketball player like hot sauce or whatever like they look incredible with the crossovers and like the dunks but like why aren't they in the nba like what's wrong with their game you know the jumper so you are the equivalent of not having a jumper in ping pong

but at the same time when when hot sauce is doing his thing people i look good yeah yeah yeah you know that's that's, that's nothing to turn your nose up at man. Uh, how about the rest of the special? What was it like? Um, I'm always interested when people have like a very firmly established acting career and then are continuing to do standup and which you feel like you're more of at this moment. Yeah. Oh, it's hard because the special just came out. I feel like the juices are falling again. I'm getting new ideas. Obviously, I can't go out to try material, but at the same time, I'm also writing. I'm also acting and all that and preparing for certain

things. So it's just great to be in a position to do kind of whatever I want at this point. And hopefully they keep letting me do that. I was talking to my manager and he was like, well, what do you think about your second special? Are you going to do one? Do you have a timeline? I was like, I don't have a timeline. I really don't want to put a timeline on this, but, uh, let's just say I'm not done yet. You know, I still feel like I got shit to talk about. Um, and I started as a standup. So I think that's always my first love. That's always something I was good at. That's the thing that got me an agent. That's the thing that got me to acting auditions and stuff.

So I think it will not just be unwise, but I think be unfulfilling if I completely stopped doing standup. And I did that for a few seasons, Silicon Valley, like season four or five towards the end of Silicon Valley or three or four around there. When I was like starting to make some money, I was like, oh, I don't have to eat ramen. I don't have to be on the road doing shitty bars anymore. I was like, fine, I'm going to take my foot off the gas. Let's just enjoy this shit. But then there's something unfulfilling. And it's only when I started preparing for this

special when I had to go on tour again, it was exhausting. I was shooting Space Force Monday through Thursday, and then I'll go on the road like Friday through Saturday. It was exhausting, but I was like, oh, this is good. This feels good. This is what I know I'm good at. You are like Michael Jordan. It was like when Jordan was playing, he was doing Space Jam and playing pickup. It's like you're, you know, maybe not a ping pong, but with acting, you're like MJ. Oh, that's very nice of you. I think it's, you can make a lot more money being the Michael Jordan of acting than be the Michael Jordan of acting than being the Michael Jordan of ping pong.

You said, obviously, you started stand-up. But I was reading an interview with you. I think it was NPR. I forget. But you had an awesome line where you're like, Googling local open mics is the last thing you Google before you Google how to kill yourself. Absolutely.

Yes. I think people don't understand how shitty and sad stand-up is you know a lot of people want to do it but they bust out but to but but to immerse yourself in that lifestyle which is the only way to get good to perform seven days a week or whatever right uh you have to be so desperate that you have no other social life or you know there's something off. That's why, that's why you dive in. You guys are all sick in the fucking head to do that multiple times a

night, seven days a week, suck at it for years, for decades. Yeah. Because for some reason that's still better than an alternative. Every comic I've talked to that started comedy. You sound like a cutter right now.

It's like, at least I feel something. Everyone's doing me on stage every night and they hate me but I feel alive. I'm being ridiculed and embarrassed by the empty audience. I feel alive. You said you weren't good for the first year or two.

Nobody was, I think. Right, no, obviously. What was your worst experience with it? Did you have some where you were just like... You know what? when you almost quit stand up and decide to go and kill yourself route yeah you know uh absolutely it's funny you asked i actually wrote about this little story in my book this is about two years in i was finishing my last year of college in san diego you know and san diego have a lot of different pockets a lot of military pockets uh latino communities and there's also super racist people so like oh i was performing no i was performing in a imperial beach which is a beach

town but it's like super super like just uh like racist or backwards in a way and it was this bar show and i remember people telling me about this bar show. It's like, yo, it's hot there. Joe, this other comic, Joe performed there last week and they just screamed out the N-word at him on stage. And I mean, this dude wasn't even black. Like he was just a dude. Like he was just a white dude, you know?

And we're like, what the fuck, you know? And I remember going there. It was just, everybody was eating shit that night it was such a tough crowd people were drunk they're heckling they're yelling out shit just chugging butt lights nobody want to listen to these dumb like stand-ups on stage so i told the dj which is just a drunk man with an ipod i was like hey play this song when I get on stage, okay? And then I got on stage and it came on. Everybody was kung fu fighting.

And then everybody started cheering and laughing and shit. And I was like, all right, cut that music, you racist motherfuckers. So I kind of used that against them and it kind of worked. But before that moment or even during that moment, it was the scariest thing. Because if that didn't work, I could have just gotten like really fucked up, like physically in that place. You don't have to do how to kill yourself. They do it for you. Yeah. How to perform in front of racist people.

I mean, come quite a long way from that to Space Force. The cast is, I mean, it's comical. It's like an all-star who's who lineup. I mean, could not be better timing for everyone stuck at home looking for something to watch. A lot of stars on that show. What are you expecting when that drops? Oh, I mean, I've seen it already.

It's dropping May 29th. The only thing I wish is it will come out earlier, you know, just so people can watch it now. But it was incredible because I think the first day on set, I was pretty damn nervous. It was a scene with me, Steve Carell and John Malkovich. And I was like, holy shit, what's going on? But you know what?

All of them are the nicest, most professional best people. And then when I watched the episodes come together, I just became a fan. I was just watching it as a fan because I'm only in so many scenes and then the other scenes about the big picture and the music and everything. It's just, I would say the humor is like, of course, created by Greg Daniels and Steve. So it's like office level humor and it's a workplace comedy, but the stakes are super high

because it's this military branch and the visuals and the music are shot like an incredible hundred million dollar movie. So when this show was conceived, had the Space Force been created yet or did this show just like briefly? I want to think that's more of a question for Greg and Steve, but I think it was Trump jokingly saying, boots on the moon, and I'm going to create a Space Force. That's the initial kernel of an idea for the show. And then when we're shooting the show, finally shooting the show after it was developed last year, there was already some Space Force chatter. It was a real Space Force already created, but they haven't gotten their first recruits. It's not operational yet. So the show is actually ahead of the real Space Force. But then when we hear about the news after we finish shooting the show, like in the beginning of the year,

where Space Force were having like debuting like the new uniforms and stuff. We're like, oh, we like did that in the show already. We were kind of ahead of it. It's very like Veep when Veep was like ahead of its time and like art imitating life, life imitating art. So we were speaking of the cast of Space Force. Your pops is in it. Your pops is a main character in in Good Deal. And now he's in there, too. How did how did that happen? It was I think I had jokingly mentioned to John Malkovich and Ben Schwartz that my dad is also an actor.

Because I talk about in my special, my dad started acting after I did. Because he was like, oh, it's so easy. You can do it. I can probably do it. And I was like, fine. You know, go. I would sign you up with an agent somewhere. And then you go eat shit at some auditions.

And then you see how hard my life is. Right. But then the plan completely backfired because it was actually pretty fucking good. And there's only like three old Asian men in Hollywood at all. So there's not a lot of picking. So there's this one episode, I think we need a couple older Chinese characters that can also maybe speak Mandarin

or like it's from China, something like that. And Greg was like, you have, it's from China, something like that. And Greg was like, ah, well, we, you know, you have to hire the same guys or whatever. And I didn't want to speak up first. I don't want to just volunteer my dad, you know? And then I think John was the one after the table read that went up to Greg and be like, Hey, have you thought about Jimmy's dad? So then later on I cut together an acting reel of all the commercials and little stuff that my dad did.

You know, like Patriot's Day, he played my dad and sent it to Greg. And I was like, Greg, you know, just give the old man a chance. Maybe he'll come in, let him audition. But I think they must have saw something in him. They're like, oh, he got the job. That's it. He's great. He's perfect.

And he came in and killed it, man. He came in and really killed it. Yeah. I don't want to give too much. That was a pretty unique experience. Like, you never worked with your dad before that, right? That must be interesting. In Patriot's Day, he played my dad, but it was a very brief scene. But this was, I mean, I don't want to give too much of the scene away, but let's just

say we're all working together, right? Malkovich and Steve and everyone. And I warned him. I was like, Steveve john uh i'm sorry my dad's coming in uh he's gonna ask for selfies okay because that's he doesn't care how much he's getting paid he just want a selfie that's the main thing he wants and then john was like oh no no no don't worry about that we're gonna ask him for a selfie so he became like the space force mascot for that episode and everybody everybody just loved it.

Because, you know, you shoot long days and stuff. And then somebody's dad comes on and actually acts. That's a great story. And people loved it. I mean, that was a really fun day. That's the following story I've heard throughout all of quarantine, man. That's the bright spot in this whole shit show, man. That's great stuff.

Yeah, it's going. Speaking of quarantine, you said in the special, you say that he calls you every three hours, I believe it was. Are you still talking that much? It's so hard to talk in quarantine when people are like, what's up? Right, because you don't have an excuse anymore to not talk to anyone. But you also don't have anything to talk about once you get going. You're like, I don't know, man. I just watched TV again today.

That's so true. Yeah. So we have this WeChat family group chat. So WeChat is what like Chinese people use. It's like WhatsApp, WeChat, whatever. And they just leave, instead of calling me now, they just, both my parents, they just leave like long winded, like minute, two minute, three minute, like voice memos, you know? And those are so hard to listen because I'm listening to radio. I can read a text or whatever, watching TV.

But then your entire focus has to stop and listen to that. And sometimes I listen to every other one to see if I can get away with it. And then I just text back something super simple. It's like, oh, that's amazing. Those noodles look great. But sometimes he catches me later on he was like did you read that article i sent you i was like uh no he's like see you gotta you gotta read the shit that your dad sends you what if i'm dead one day and i never send you shit i'm like it's not that serious i i still have

a newspaper on my bed from like my first night in quarantine of an article my dad gave me to read and it's it's it hasn't even fallen off my bed yet it's still just sitting on the corner of my bed just sleeping with it next to me. It's been two months now. I'll get to it eventually. Yeah, and he sends me Mandarin, like Chinese articles. I haven't read Chinese since I was 13. Like, I can't read that shit.

I'm a fucking Hollywood superstar, dude. I don't do this shit anymore. All right, man? Give me a break. Yeah, send it to my assistant. You know, by the way, before we let you go, we got to talk about the Yellow Panthers. Yellow Panthers is for real, dude.

That's a real band. That's a real, you know. Here, can I play you guys a Yellow Panthers song? Yes. Yes, Jimmy. We have nothing to do. I'll say as long as you want. So Yellow Panthers is you

a black guy and like a mixed guy and my buddy julian uh who was black and then my buddy yuji who was half black and half japanese so as i said in my stand-up one and a half asian guys one and a half black guys and this was a hip-hop group we had in high school. I made the beats and rapped and everything. And yeah, it was called the Yellow Panthers. Sure, that's not very PC these days. I was going to say, that's not a name that flies today, but... You know, in hindsight, we're kids. Are these

songs out there or is this just like on your computer? It's on my computer. I actually thought about making this song like the outro credit song for my special, but I don't know. Why don't you just throw them up on Spotify? Yeah. Yeah, true.

Maybe I should, huh? I never thought about that. I don't know how the music industry works for young people these days. Jimmy's just going to email Spotify, like, here are my songs. You got to get it on TikTok. I'm going to send them a snail mail with like one of those mini discs. Okay, here's the song. Let me see if a, a, a, one of those mini discs. Okay. Here's the song.

Let me see if I play it. See if you guys can hear it. Um, so this call, this song is yellow Panthers. Good day in the West coast. It was made in about 2004 or five, I believe.

Let's see. Oh, ah, dude, can you guys not hear that? Oh. Uh, ah, dude, can you guys not hear that? Oh, maybe,

uh, maybe take the headphones out. I did. I, I did. I unplugged the headphones. So you guys on the regular, Oh man, I would love to hear this.

Uh, maybe I can send it to you guys. Seriously. If you want to send it and we put the episode out, if you want to put it on social media or something like that, I think people would fucking love to hear this. Oh, that would be great. I'll send it to you guys. Just email

my publicist. She has it in the email. All right, we'll do that. All right, dude. Well, really appreciate the time. The special is hilarious. Space Force is going to be unbelievable. Happy to see you doing well. Stay safe. All right, bro. Thank you. Appreciate it. All right. bro. Thank you. Appreciate it.

I don't know what Jimmy is thinking, but we've got, I just got the email right now. As we speak, I have the yellow Panthers track. Why don't you guys drop it in there? We're going to put it in. It's a world premiere.

The yellow Panthers, Jimmy O. Yang making the permission to put it in. It's a world premiere. The Yellow Panthers, Jimmy O. Yang making the permission to put it in here. I'm going to read this out loud. I said, Jimmy, you want to send over that Yellow Panthers song with your permission? We'd love to put it out there along with the podcast tomorrow. Question mark. He said, here you go, brother.

That's consent, right? As far as I understand it yeah and i mean i just you know i'm gonna check one more time because i'm gonna feel bad like jimmy i think you should put this on like a spotify channel or a youtube page or something at least but we can put in a snippet here we can put in we can drop it a little something maybe let's just drop a little something no matter what because we don't want a performance of a song here right right we'll give you a little taste and i'm gonna make sure with jimmy we'll either put it on his platforms or ours but i think the jimmy o yang yellow panthers rap song is one of the best things we've ever uncovered here on Welcome in the AM to the radio

Stereo bumpin' to my favorite show The prince call me up, said for sure, for sure Cruised by the studio to lace our flow Doc said for sure, what's with the hoes I said it's all to the good, we got plenty of those But before we blow, we gotta cop some mind enhancements So we can conjure up some musical enchantments So we got some 40s from the corner store

Smoke a little dub sack, but we feed for more Feel real chill, music flow for real Smoking by the pound, never got enough to deal We making remedies with beats like we're in G Hypnotic and Hennessy, got me feeling heavenly West Coast smoke and roll to the basketball court. A little sharper on point on a shooting spree. Hey, hey, hey, pass the ball, pass the ball.

Hey, I got this, man, I got this. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, that's two. Yeah, that's up. Game point four. Yellow Panthers blowing up from the 3-1-0. Everywhere we go, we see groupie hoes.

We ball, we flow, and we smoke some dro. Ain't nothing but a good day in the West Coast. Ain't nothing but a good day on the West Coast. Ain't nothing but a good day on the West Coast. Ain't nothing but a good day on the West Coast. Unbelievable job by Jimmy. Not the best job by his people to just like not do anything with this music but okay whatever uh let's get into our final interview it's snooki and her boy joey

with one of the most ridiculous stories ever on kfc radio we'll see you guys next week after that all right let's just dive right into it uh we were just talking before you jumped in snow uh joey we got snooki and joe here uh snooki you like the cold you like snow and all that shit i do i love snow i love the cold i just hate sweating i think but also i love snow because then it reminds me of christmas and it's family time and presents so i just like the whole vibe of wear. But just like from the Jersey Shore vibe of like you want to be tan and you're on the beach and you're in your bikini drinking at the bar. That's like the opposite of being like. Yeah. You're over it?

I know. A lot of people don't know the true me. And that's just like my job me. But my true me is pale in in the snow, drinking hot cocoa. Wow. I don't drink hot cocoa. I love hot cocoa. And wine.

Well, yeah, that too, but I love hot cocoa in the winter. What about you, Joey? I hate sweating, too. I don't want to be winter all the time. I like to be in the fall. And I'm fat, so I run hot anyway, so it's always

75 and 20 for me, even in the winter. You're not fat, Joey. Oh, thanks, girl. You're a big guy, but you're not fat. Thank you. Well, no, I don't like being hot either, so I like to keep my room so I can keep perishables in there. Yeah, you're like me. You love being cold. Yeah, I like being

cold. So, what do you guys want? Have you been surviving this quarantine separate from each other? Have you guys seen each other much? No, not at all. Wow. I miss Joey. I definitely miss him, but

we still have our podcast together, so we moved to Fridays now because we wanted to be classy and say, TGI Friday, that's why we're drunk. So, we moved to Fridays, so we wanted to be classy and say, TJ, that's why we're drunk. So we moved to Fridays. So we still get to talk to each other and we still text each other, but we haven't seen each other. So it definitely sucks.

Yeah. Have you guys seen each other? No. I mean, we see each other like every damn day on this thing here, but, um, no,

I mean, last time I saw John was, you know, the last day of work. He went up to closer to Boston and I'm back home in my apartment. That's it. Yeah. He was having trouble. He'll hop back in. But were you guys, my hair is getting crazy.

It's getting long. You had a Corona scare. What's that? You had a Corona scare. Yes, I did. Oh, my God. And I went and I got the antibody test, too, just to see if maybe I picked it off. I'm all clear on that.

So no corona here. I couldn't. That was my shit. When you were coughing up a lung? Oh, I had every symptom there was. And I guess I just had to get i just had yeah that was nuts um but but were you guys at all like uh did you guys need a break or you guys ever like around each other too much and you're happy to separate or were you just like sad to be separated not well not too much we're not always with each other but like when we do we always have

fun so it's like we're not up each other's ass 24-7, but every week we'd see each other. I bet you would like that if you were up his ass 24-7, huh, Jolly? Yes. Yes, ma'am. Joey just recently started ass stuff. Yeah. I had a

whoopsie-daisy about myself in quarantine. I mean, you might as well tell them this story because you already said it on our podcast, so it's not accurate. I haven't had butt sex since, like, I know. I haven't had it stuck in my ass for, like, probably 10, 15 years. What?!

Maybe. You haven't had to, hang on, you haven't had to what? I haven't gotten fucked in the ass. I don't know how that works. I'm more of a blouse, because, like, you know, there's tops and bottoms. I'm, like, a top, but I'm really feminine, so works. I'm on a blouse. There's tops and bottoms. I'm a top, but I'm really feminine, so I'm a blouse. I would have guessed

that... Well, I do, because you're a big guy, so I can understand you being a top, but also, like you said, you're feminine and I can see you being a bottom. I guess it comes both ways. So, yeah, you have not been fucked in the ass for 15 years, and then you had a...

A whoopsie day. Yeah, I had a whoopsie day. So, you know, we're all watching more porn these days, and then Pornhub gave away those free green memberships. So, I was like, you know, going online, looking at all the different videos, and I started seeing all these guys getting fucked in the ass. I said, that must feel, going online, looking at all different videos. And I started seeing like all these guys getting like, they're getting fucked in the ass. I said, that must feel good.

So I do what any girl would do in a quarantine. I reached under my bed and grabbed my dildo. I sat up to the wall, looped up. And then I started like, once I got it in there, I was like getting a little rhythm going. I go, okay, here we go. It's like riding a bike and your sea legs back, girl. So I was like, hey, let's take this to the bedroom. I just wanted to get a little more comfortable.

I lit a scented candle, put on some socks, and I went and sat down in the bed, but I didn't want it to come out, so I sat on it like that, and then I finished what I was doing. I wasn't prepared or anything. Normally, when you bottom, you have to prepare yourself to

get all ready down there. I didn't even think of it as by myself. For the moment prepare yourself yeah and like you know get all ready down there i didn't even think about myself and for the moment it was like you know i just met the guy and i just went home with him i'm doing it and i found me like you know like what i don't know if you can't relate to this but girls can like after you finish you want like nothing to do with dick anymore it's kind of like when you finally come like you're watching the porn you're watching you're like what i'm the comedy, like you're watching the porn, you're watching it, and you're like, what? I'm disgusting. What the fuck? And you're like, Yeah, I hate myself. What the fuck was I thinking? So the same idea. I was like, get this thing out of me. Oh my god, was there dick in me?

I was disgusted. I ripped it out. And what I did, the fucking floodgates opened, and hot shit poured out all over. I had to touch the color sheets. It was like a crime scene in there. He's disgusting.

He was pouring like fucking lava everywhere. I tried to run to the end. I poured my whole living room of shit. He was literally wobbling to his bathroom with the dick still in his ass. He was like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

There's poop flying everywhere. I have so much so much here but for starters you you start with sticking it to the wall i thought that was like just something that happened in porn no otherwise i can't reach back very far so if you stick it to the wall you're able to hold your cheeks open like this yo you're like a you're like a sexual astronaut i'm just picturing like remember in like apollo 13 when it's like, or whatever movie it is and they're just trying to fucking sync up the thing? Joey just reversed like an 18-wheeler at a rest stop.

Just fucking back. I was in there. I had to like sit in my whole bed and like call services to come clean up. You're a real man. I respect the fuck out of you

cleaning that up and calling someone because I'd just burn that house down. I'd be like, I'm not going to do it. Now I learned my lesson. If I ever have to do it again, I have a full shower tap that I bought from Amazon. I had to do it ahead of time bought from Amazon. I had a time.

Yeah, and you need it too. I feel like that's kind of the problem for... That seems like a pain in the ass, no pun intended, for gay guys. Like you said, if you just meet someone at the bar, it's not just like, alright, let's fucking do this. It's like, well, I don't know.

I had a... Yeah, right. It's like, you gotta plan don't know. I had a call earlier. Yeah, right. It's like you got to plan everything. Shit, man. That is wildly disgusting, Joey. Yep. So that's how his quarantine is going. Imagine.

Is that just now one and done for you? No, I'll keep doing it. I think I was trying to get myself ready in case I actually did have to take it. A good thing I did a trial run because imagine that happened with a guy, I would have been dead. What would you do, hypothetically? Oh my god. And I would shoot myself.

I mean, that's embarrassing. I mean, a gargantuan period on the sheets is one thing, but it's like, it's gross, but it's not as gross as shit. If that ever happened, how do you recover from that? You can't. I don't think you can. I think, like, Fife said, you gotta burn it down or you gotta shoot yourself.

I'm dead serious. I'm not even kidding. I just burned the house down. It's an easy thing to blame. Like, oops, I fell asleep with a cigarette. My bad. Or the candle in her gym she burned that shit down the way the way that he was just like he acted like everybody has a home gym and everybody's burned it down before you know i burned that down i mean that was peak craziness

i love how crazy she is she's a nightmare i love her yeah i love her. Yeah, I love her too. I feel like she's... Snook, I feel like she's so fucking famous. She's my spirit animal. Yeah? You kind of relate to her? I don't... Snook, I don't think you should relate to Brittany. I'm going to be the one to say it here.

I think Brittany is not a good role model for people to have i think she's and it's i don't think it's entirely her fault i think it's probably society's number one i think there's a lot a lot of blame to go around here but if you look in that woman's eyes there's nothing in there anymore it's gone i don't honestly i don't i get nervous when I watch her videos because I love her so much, especially back then, Brittany. She was such an icon and so amazing and gorgeous

and beautiful. She was a whole package. When I see her videos, it concerns me because I feel like her voice is shaky and she just doesn't look like she's there like you said. It's sad, especially when you're a huge Brittany fan and you grew up with her. It's like, what the hell happened?

I get nervous when I watch her videos too because I think one day the person who's holding her captive is going to kill her. Clearly the situation we're in here. She looks like a robot. Yeah. Someone has her, and they tried to kill her by burning down the gym, didn't get her that time, but they're going to try again.

Oh, my God. And eventually they're going to get Britney. And eventually, they're going to get Brittany. That's probably her father. Yeah. Jacked up. The whole thing is weird. Who's like your number one? Is Brittany your number one snook?

One of the top stars. I have two number ones. So my first one is Jessica Simpson. I just fucking love her. I just think she's amazing and funny. And I just love everything about her. And then my second is Jenna Dewan. Jenna Dewan?

She's amazing. She wants to have lesbian sex with Jenna Dewan. Who? You want to have lesbian sex with Jenna Dewan. I still love her. No, I said you want to have lesbian sex with her. Yeah, and Jessica Simpson. Oh, I didn you want to have lesbian sex with her. Yeah, and Jessica Simpson. Oh, I want to have sex with Jessica Simpson, too.

Yes, I think she's amazing. If I were to be a lesbian and marry a woman, it would be either with Jessica Simpson or Jenna Dewan. I thought Jessica Simpson was hot when she had that bikini on with the American flag and the camo pants on the cover. She was anorexic then. She ate like a cracker a day.

When she was like in her prime, she was a rocket. She was a little underrated. People are always talking about Britney and Christina. And I was like, Jessica over here is... What's the Jessica Simpson song where she's in like a daisy field?

That's with the Daisy D dukes you're talking about no no no she's you know no i'm not in it for the sex snooki i'm in it for the vocal and he's dressed like a like a midwestern doll yeah she's like on like one of those like single the ones like one prop airplanes i'm gonna start about it i know what you're talking about and that and she was like because she was so gorgeous she was like pretty she's still pretty

she's older yeah yeah that's true too but if you had to pick between Jenna and Brittany who are you going with you have to pick Jenna and Jessica you mean yeah yeah yeah to marry them or like be their best friend have lesbian sex with You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To marry them or, like, be their best friend?

To have sex with. To have lesbian sex with. I mean, I prefer to be their best friend. I can't choose. I love them both. Who's your number one? I'll take them both. Who would you pick, Joey? Right now?

Oh, my God. And this is a really hot topic for you guys because it's sports-related. Dan Vitale from, he's the new Patriot. Who is this? I don't know. There's nothing about sports, Joey. They're at a sports place.

That's where they work. No, you know nothing about sports. I know how to hunt for a dick and that's the ones I like. He fights their ass. Now he's going over to the Patriots. Dan Vitale, you're right. He's a fullback.

I did not know the Patriots knew fullback signing. But you are correct. It's Dan Vitale. You heard it here first. I'm a former Gronk girl. Now Gronk is coming back, so I'm excited about that as well. Yeah, Gronk's going back to Tampa. Yeah, Gronk's going to Tampa.

But yeah, you're right. Dan Vitale, 19 Northwestern. He's a New England Patriot right now. Fullback. I can see it. I'm looking at him. You know he's got a hammer in his pants, that fucking big schnoz. Wait, does a dick, does a nose indicate a dick? Deep voice and a big

nose equals a big dick. Big hands. Also, guys, I'm going to tell you something. The little dip in your ear there, that indicates how long and fat your dick is. Dad! I don't even know what whole we're going with here. I got a whole cavern in there, huh? fucking... I don't even know what hole we're going with here. This thing here? I got a whole cavern in there, huh?

Yeah, yours looks fat. I got a fat dick? Oh my god. Alright, let's just... This could have changed my whole fucking... my whole goddamn childhood. Because guess what I got made fun of in childhood for?

Small hands, big nose. Yeah. Guess what actually fucking matters, bro? And a deep voice. A deep voice means they're like a big... Oh, my God. I've never heard this one. Where does that come from?

That's just so... I don't know. It's like a study that gays have, I guess. I've done my thesis on it and it works. Your latest comment on one of my Instagrams, we do our show Friday Night Pints,

which actually we'd love to have you guys on sometime. Friday night, we all get together. It's just like happy hour on Twitter. We're on the internet. What's that? She does FaceTime Drunks with Dean on Fridays. Yeah, perfect. That's exactly what we do. We do it for like happy hour on on the internet what's that she does facetime drunks with dean on fridays yeah perfect that's that's exactly what we do uh we do it for like an hour but you're joey you commented uh something about us running a train on you i believe yeah yeah let me i'll get the exact uh phrase as we talk here. Who was the guys that were on that day?

Let me see. It was – I think it was like Large and Clem, Grinnell and Rudy. I think – if I'm judging by your Dan Vitale – Big Cat can get it. That one – see, Big Cat, he lines up with the Dan Vitale look. But the guys on that day, I don't think they were Dan Vitale. Yes, this was on April 24th, and Joey's comments was, it was a fire emoji, and the face that's like, please run a train on me with three steak emojis.

Oh, my God. The people on the show were myself and John. It was Josh Wolf, Smitty, Eddie, Coley Mack, Tyler, and Carl. Okay. I can see that. That's a lot of guys. Who's in the polo there?

I want him first. That one behind you on the left with the blue. Oh, that's this one right here? Yeah. Shit, I'm moving around. This guy right here? Smitty is like 6'3", played football, D3 in football. His head is a perfect square.

His head is like this block right here. Yes, I love it. You had Andrew Cullen on last week and he's been on my radar for quite some time as one of those ambiguously gay comedians. We have

DeStefano and Giannis. DeStefano and Giannis aren't ambiguously gay. DeStefano is gaynis aren't ambiguously gay. DeStefano is gayer than you are, Joey. I mean, those guys. And Andrew Cobb, you're right. He's just waiting.

He's like, just come out, dude. Just fucking say it. We all need to be here now. DeStefano, I feel like I've seen DeStefano kiss, or maybe I've kissed him. But I've seen the Stefano kiss dudes. I've seen his dick pic. He showed me his dick pic on his podcast. He loves that dick pic.

Oh my god. Have you seen his look? No, I don't want to see anyone's dick. Have you ever seen Joey's dick? Yes. Well, yeah, but not if you wanted to. She's seen it. What, like when you're just changing clothes or something like girls do? Not in person.

Like on my phone. Or maybe she has. I don't know. I've never seen it in person, but I've seen your jerk-off video that you tried to delete. It resurfaced. Yeah. He has a little porno video of him whacking it, and that's where I saw it.

I shoot myself in the face, and I used to send it around, like, when I was hooking up back in the day. It's gross. And then I became famous, and everyone started tweeting it out and, like, putting it on the internet, and it's a powerful post.

So, wait, like, guys that you had sexted before, and then you blew up, and they were just like, we're going to put this out there? Yeah, they did. And then I had to have a lawyer take it down. Now it's like, hopefully it makes me famous, but we'll see.

We'll see. Red Rocket's going to be able to boost me in stardom, but that's fucked up, though, by the way. I know. It goes above my head you're not fucking with me you shoot it over your head I'm like sitting like this on my bed. Ew, stop. I can't. That's my forehead.

You were in your own two eyes, Snooki. You saw him give himself a facial. Yes. My mistake. I I I texted to my sister and stuff.

What? When we get drunk, we steal Joe's phone and we fuck with each other like everyone does. We'll send like filthy things to family members. She sends it to my dad. Actually, I send it to Poppy. That is disgusting.

I mean, are you... I'm assuming you're like very cool with your sister and your father. That's not a big deal, but... Yeah, they know not to open it. Holy shit! Could you imagine, Fretilberg, if I sent a video of you jerking off on your

own sister and your father? I don't know who he'd kill. He'd kill one of us, though. Maybe both. Oh, he'd kill us and then himself. He'd be like, I'm out. Hey, Joey, what was your first reaction when you found out

that was online? Because I've often thought about it, where it's like, I'm not famous, but if somebody were to take a picture of me on the internet, someone would... It used to come up in Google. If you Googled my name, it would come up within the first three things. So that's why I had to get the lawyer to take it off Google.

But it's on Pornhub, and People can share it on all the porn sites. I don't care about that, but I don't want people Googling my name for business reasons. My nieces and nephews, when I first started getting notoriety, they were excited. Like, oh my god, Joey's on Google! He's famous! And they would Google my name. The last thing my fucking 10-year-old niece needs to see is that. So I had to

get it off the Google. Did part of you think, oh, this could be great? Because I've played out every scenario in my head. If I was part of the people, that would be good PR to just be like, I'm the victim of a sex crime now.

Yeah, I could use that as my crutch. Yeah. How is Jersey Shore going, Snook? I don't know. I quit. You're done with that, huh? You were just like, I'm over this life? Yeah.

I mean, I was so excited for it to come back, and we had such a good time getting together. But honestly, it's just so hard because I hate leaving the kids in general. But if I'm going to leave my kids to film a show, I want it to be fun. And I want us to have drinks, go out, just have a good positive time. And I just feel like it's all drama. And I'm too old for this shit. I don't want to fight. I just want to enjoy my time with my friends, enjoy my time not being a mom know just being me for a couple hours so it just

got to the point where i was like i'm not doing this high school shit anymore like i love reality but i don't like drama reality i like fun reality where i go to the club fall down and then go home how old are you now snow how old am i yeah can i ask 32 that's 32 that's good like i'm done with drama age that's that's a nice time yeah I don't care anymore I don't have the time don't you miss it a little bit me and Kevin talk about this all the time I'm just hitting my I don't care phase

and I fucking miss it I miss getting irrationally angry about things I'm gonna get irrationally angry but not getting irrationally angry it's fucking bullshit and I miss it how old are you guys? I'm going to get irrationally angry, but not getting irrationally angry. It's fucking bullshit, and I miss it. How old are you? I'm 31.

Oh, the youngster. Joey's like 45. How old are you? 41. You're 41? 41? You look great for your age, bro. 41 still pooping the bed, baby. Pooping the bed.

Shitting on this. Oh, God. That's funny shit. Is this what the people can expect when they listen to your podcast? Yeah. Yeah. This is what goes down, huh? It's just you talking about crazy shit and Snooki going, ah, you're gross, Joey.

Yeah. We make fun of celebrities and we do our... We just give bad advice to people and we do that too. Speaking of celebrities and we kind of talked about pop stars a little earlier, a debate we had... Actually, it wasn't a debate because Kevin and I aligned.

Are you NSYNC or Backstreet Boys? Ooh. Are you NSYNC or Backstreet Boys? Ooh. I'm NSYNC. Now, wait. We're talking about music and not who you want to have run a train on you, Joe. Both. You are. Yeah, and you said NSYNC?

NSYNC, yeah. I've always been NSYNC, but lately, as an older woman, I just love Backstreet Boys more. I'm the same way as you. Snook, you and I are fucking seeing eye to eye today. Growing up, I was in sync all the way, and then now

I'm like Backstreet Boys. I think it's because they're on tour and I always want to go see them because it makes me feel like I'm 12 again. I was Backstreet Boys on TRL. I'm Backstreet Boys now. I'm Backstreet Boys for lifeRL. I'm Backstreet Boys now. I'm Backstreet Boys for life. BSB is one of the great... We should all go to a concert together.

I'm a part of that fucking B. Don't say that. I'll do it. I'm there. I blacked out twice. You went on stage with them. Yeah, and I peed my pants. I'm not kidding. You shit the bed and you pee your pants I peed my pants. I'm not kidding.

You were shit to bed and you peed your pants. I crossed my legs because I started peeing. Nick and Brian touched my arm. So you weren't holding it. You weren't drunk. They just touched you and you peed? Yeah, I crossed my legs and everyone could tell and they were laughing and I didn't care. Were you drunk?

Yeah. It was in Vegas. It was a best part. Did you pee because you were, like, shit-faced? Or, like, if you were sober, would you have peed? Yeah. No, I peed because I was so excited. I was, like, you know.

Like a puppy. I was just going to say, like, we had that with our puppy for a long time. Every time we came home, we peed on the floor. I was like, come on. If I was a dog, that's what I would do. All right. Well, before we let you go, I did find the song. It's

Jessica Simpson, I Want to Love You Forever. You sound just like her I think so I love her I'd love to get you guys in for Friday Night Pints one night in a couple weeks and we can maybe tell more stories about peeing and pooping

how's that sound? I got a bunch you didn't even scratch the surface with me we got time time to talk about peeing and pooping. How's that sound? You didn't even scratch the surface with me. We got time. Time to talk about peeing and pooping. All right. God. The podcast is happening with Snooki and Joey.

You can find it on iTunes and everywhere else. Family Vacation is on MTV with Jersey Shore. Thank you guys so much. Appreciate it, as always. Thanks, guys. Enjoy So thank you guys so much. Appreciate it as always. Thanks, guys. Enjoy. Thank you, guys.

Love you, guys. See you. Look at what you see in her face. The mirror of your dream makes believe I'm everywhere given in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story.

I reach the stars. My fantasy. Reach the stars Fly a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be Climbing in their sacred sphere A boat behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never ending story. Story.