KFC Radio - Jo Koy Interview || Kelly Keegs is Going to Reveal a Butt Tattoo on OnlyFans

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

0:00 The women at Barstool are starting OnlyFans and making an outrageous amount of money. 5:45 Kelly Keegs joins the show to tell us her OnlyFans plan 36:19 Kevin and John are starting OnlyFans 57:59 Jackie breaks down her experience so far on Surviving Barstool 1:04:16 Latest Gen Z trend is grand theft auto and faking kidnappings 1:13:35 Kevin was recognized by an iconic director 1:20:18 Frank Ocean is selling a C*ck ring 1:26:45 Feits thought Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson breaking up was a nightmare 1:29:18 Alex Jones ordered to pay 40 million to family of Sandy Hook tragedy 1:35:45 More Alex Jones court mess-ups 1:39:40 Dave Matthews Band Story Anniversary / Grit Tour Puke 1:46:29 Voicemails - Farmer calls in to clarify our theories on cows milk - Was Tommy Smokes a p*ssy in his latest reality show win - Would you allow an old guy to pee on your car? // Somehow this leads to a Pup Punk recap 2:11:00 Jo Koy joins the show to talk about his new movie Easter Sunday (out now!), how he sold the movie to Steven Spielberg, family stories, and much more. Cortina Health Get your first month free with promo code KFC at https://barstool.link/CortinaKFC Omaha Steaks Go to https://barstool.link/OmahaSteaksBSS and type KFC in the search bar. Roman Get $15 off your first order of Roman T-Support at https://barstool.link/ROMANkfc WhistlePig Whiskey Get your bottle at https://barstool.link/WPKFC FFUPS Go to https://barstool.link/ffupsKFC and use code KFC15 for 15% offYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Imagine I'm a millionaire and I put my pussy online. What if I do that? It's a slippery slope. That was such a... What if I did that? What if?

Oh my god. Imagine if I did that. I would never. That was you getting drinks with girls. Be like, would it be crazy if I f that. Never. That was you getting drinks with girls. Be like, wouldn't it be crazy if I f***ed someone tonight? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I just witnessed what I could only describe as a frenzy. A literal frenzy.

Maybe the only other place I could understand something like this would maybe be when it like sorority rush day or whatever they call it or some shit just girls going absolutely crazy so jordan woodruff who was on last week's episode we talked to her and alex briefly about only fans uh she went ahead and made one and she instantly got 800 subscribers at 30 bucks a pop bingo bango bongo uh posting pictures that she said i would show to my own mother she said she took a selfie at the gym she took a picture of her feet and some sandals and that's about it she made she put the feet on the fucking main feed i think so so that's so that's so this was She made 24. She put the fee on the fucking main feed? I think so. So this is what's interesting. Come on. This is where it's interesting.

That shit's got to be in the DMs for an extra fee. Alex has 5,000 subscribers for free. And she's going to go drop the DMs, the videos privately. Jordan is going straight up monthly fee. You know what they should do, though? Yeah. Because people are perverts. And that's where you have to prey upon the perverts

without being perverted yourself. I've been preaching the good word of OnlyFans for two years now, and they're finally coming around. You could charge monthly, and you could send private videos, and you can do all of it with your clothes on, and you'll still make all the money in the world because as we've learned people it's it's it's about the chase the world is about like almost oh she's almost taking it off or oh she's almost gonna do it or she almost is actually replying she almost likes me whatever it is you just dangle the carrot the girl it's It's what girls have done with pussy forever.

You're just doing it on your phone now. You get free drinks at the bar. You get taken out to dinner. You get taken to Abu Dhabi and shit or Dubai or wherever the fuck. Now you're just doing it on your phone where you're just like, here's a little picture of me. Do you want to pay me money for it? Oh, the next one's going to be great, I swear. You fucking break.

People are like, oh, these guys are never going to pay if you don't do anything. How many times do you guys pay for a date and not get laid? Yeah. It happens all the time. And if that guy stops, a new one slides in. It's just a repeat.

You get some repeats. You get some new. You keep making money forever. It is interesting. Barstool Sports is a different place today than it was yesterday. Because we now work with sex workers. We work with sex workers.

Well, we did that before in the past, but this is a different guy. These are regular people. Regular people turn sex workers who now also are going to make more money. These are girls gone crazy. Girls gone wild, wild, wild. No, no, no. We're not girls gone wild because that's dangerous. We're girls gone crazy.

We're going to start a new thing called girls gone crazy. Girls gone crazy. When girls go wild, they take their tops off. When girls go crazy, they stab you with blunt objects. We already talked about the gaslighting and the girls gone crazy. So this is going to be Girls Gone... Girls Gone... Girls Gone Sockless.

Girls Gone Sockless. What it really is is goddamn Girls Gone Entrepreneurial is what it fucking is. That's really going on here. let's just say girls gone sexy but they're not even sure but they're not even they're not even there's just sockless the most accurate way to describe what's happening so here's what the frenzy was though kelly keegs maybe we should get kelly in here kelly keegs goes like boom walking past me at 100 miles an hour going i'm'm starting an OnlyFans right now, Kevin. You should see what Jordan just did.

And I was like, what? She's like, I'm doing it right now when I get back to my desk, like yelling and walking like a million miles an hour. She's like, Jordan, I couldn't understand what she's saying. I walk around the corner. Jordan is like nicely organizing her desk. She's like, I got 800 subscribers at

$30. You do the math. And I was like, oh my God. So then Kelly... Just 800 subscribers at uh 30 you do the math and i was like oh my god so then kelly just so we're clear what is the math 24 000 24 000 just just to be clear i've been trying to do in my head like trying to pay attention and do math my head no you're not gonna i wasn't gonna get that's not your story i wasn't gonna get there i had to ask for help uh uh uh she so now like kelly is doing it and and jordan uh alex already has hers and i i feel like all the girls were like fuck this because this is what i've been saying all along i know that i know that you don't want to do any like real full-blown like porn on your page but then i also know that there's just a straight-up stigma of having an only fans in general where people

will go oh you're an only fans girl But the minute that you just take a single solo, regular selfie and you see that you just made $24,000, that stigma goes away. And you say, in an instant, bro, in like one night. So when people say to you, you're an OnlyFans girl, and you just say, yeah.

Here she is. I had to get you in because I said what I witnessed, let's get her a chair I said I said what I witnessed let's get her a chair what I witnessed was a frenzy you were like walking past me you were walking a hundred miles an hour

you were talking a thousand miles an hour you were like I'm getting an OnlyFans right now I mean that was and you started up right? I think Kelly's gonna make even more Kelly's gonna make a even more. I think Kelly is too. Kelly's going to make a boatload. He lives to God's ears, boy.

So John just said, John said something very interesting. I think it's true for two reasons. He said, Barstool Sports is different today than it was yesterday because of this. Like the girls are going to go

into contract negotiations now and be like, yesterday's price is not today's price. It's Fat Joe and Jordan Woodruff going into Dave's office, kicking down the door. So I think, yeah, there's a little bit of you guys are basically on the slippery slope to sex work.

And also, you guys are all going to end up making bank way more than you could just doing your regular work. So then the whole thing throws out of whack. This is like some, like we need the time stone to reverse time and make sure this doesn't happen because the Barstool Sports model might implode on itself now. What's going to happen is Barstool is an ever-changing ecosystem. Yes. And we were a sports company for a while, and then we kind of became more of a pop culture company.

We were written word, now we're audio, then video, everything changed. To gambling. Yep. Sex. It is. Porn. Porn. everything to gambling sex it is Dave Dave Votter is going to go from being a media mogul

to a gambling mogul to the world's highest paid pimp he's going to start taking these he's going to get 10% I've been because

god damn it he does it again I've been saying I've been willing to pimp these hoes for years now yes and I told her right now

I said I will tell you, we're perverts, right? Which is helpful. Yeah, let's be honest. Before you keep going, I want to explain how this came about. I want to explain how this is

a new revelation of the day. Because you're right. You've been talking about OnlyFans for the minute that it came on the scene. I've been saying to everybody, there's going to be a moment where people, I know right now that it's very risque,

but there's going to come a moment where it's just pretty common and you miss the gold rush. But here's? I know right now that it's very risque, but there's going to come a moment where it's just pretty common and you miss the gold rush. But here's the thing. Right now, it's risque, but there are people on there that aren't being that risque. It's actually trending the other way. Yes.

There's an excuse now to get on OnlyFans and for it not to be porn. I don't have to be having full-blown anal sex on OnlyFans. I don't have to do that to get all these subscribers. Not even close. And that is what was relayed to me today. I did not know. I knew that Alex Bennett did it.

Alex Bennett did the thing about the boxing. She does boxing content, whatever. Jordan is her co-host. So, okay, well, she's getting some subs. Let me see what's up here. Getting some subs. Getting some subs, which I am now. I've been throwing around subs.

Subs a lot. I'm already getting too comfortable. Subs and doms real quick on here. I'll tell you what. Yeah. Which, again, is going to be my wheelhouse. No doubt. And so that's like what I'm here for.

So I think that hearing from Jordan today, who her OnlyFans went live like yesterday, I think, the subscriber money ratio is just something that I can't ignore any longer. This is someone who is literally, she sits right behind me. I know her. I know she's not like, she's definitely not putting up porn. She's definitely not doing shit like that. Her words were, I would send these photos to my mother. Yes, she said that.

And so I have some photos that I wouldn't necessarily send to my mother. But I would certainly send to some pervert. You know what I mean but I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm gonna have like porn on my thing I don't even think

I don't think that's gonna be your main money maker your main money maker is gonna be you're gonna be in the DMs I know that's what I'm excited about you're gonna be

selling a hash that I am fine with and I've always been fine with it you are gonna be big time fin dom dominating dudes like I'm your goddess and you're my bitch

all day long the only time that I'm not that I'm like annoyed oh no I get that shit in my DMs actually dominating dudes like I'm your goddess and you're my bitch all day long. The only time that I'm like annoyed by oh no I get that shit in my DMs actually every day like I get five to ten in my DMs every day I'm not kidding yeah

it's actually great whether it's Instagram or Twitter depends on like what we're on more active that day but if I'm more active on one or the other I will get those DMs

active on OnlyFans I know and so I'm like all right whatever so I looked into it I signed up that's what I mean I don't do that I don't need them to see it and I don't and my friends know I'm a fancy. I know. And so I'm like, all right, whatever. So I looked into it. I signed up. That's what I mean. You can just be like, I don't do that. I don't need them to see it. And my friends know I'm a pervert myself.

Everybody that knows me knows that. That's what I'm saying. Everybody that knows me knows that in a real way. They also know that I have a line. So I'm not going to be putting fucking porn. I have to stress that. And I'm mostly saying that because my mom never fucking sees this. Famous last words from a chick who sees how much money you'll eventually make if you do show a hole or two.

No, no, no, no. Just saying. Imagine I'm a millionaire and I put my pussy online. What if you do show a hole or two. Just saying. Imagine I'm a millionaire and I put my pussy online. What if I do that? I would never. It's a slippery slope. That was such a...

I would never. What if I do that? What if? Oh my God. Imagine if I did that. I would never. That was you getting drinks with girls

being like, wouldn't it be crazy if I fuck someone tonight? I mean, honestly, my eyes are open to this new endeavor, and I'm about to pay all my fucking bills. That's all I'm thinking about

right now. I don't care. I have so many weird selfies that I don't post because I'm like, this is weird if my Nana sees it, so I don't post it. That's literally the only reason. That right there is an OnlyFans pic. I have more photos like that, which are better. That's an OnlyFans picture. That really is. I'm not even kidding. That was the least OnlyFans of I have more photos like that which are better which might have to pop up that's an OnlyFans picture that really is

I'm not even kidding that was the least OnlyFans of all the photos that were taken of me what you have to remember you know you get drunk with your friends and they're like

let's take slutty pictures of each other so I have a bunch of slutty pictures that my friends took thanks for fucked up on a boat you know what I mean

I'm like let's get those boat pics out let's go honestly if you had an album or something if you said Kelly Keeg's boat pics

motherfuckers are paying $50 for that they are and then it's stuff like that where it's like my mistake always and I should have listened to you

because you would know guys are so fucking stupid they will pay $50 for that they will pay whatever and I'm not trying to

say don't do it now don't be stupid whatever definitely keep doing it because I don't do it now. Like, don't be stupid, whatever. Definitely keep doing it. Kelly, think about this. Because I don't give a fuck. All OnlyFans is is your life as a girl put into a phone. Yeah. Think about a guy will walk up to a set of girls, at least back in, like, the old days.

Now, I know it's a lot of fucking dating apps. But at a bar, a guy would walk up, buy an entire round of of drinks for girls who would then take them and walk away yeah and you'd be like all right on to the next one that's like 50 ducks 100 bucks 75 dollars here there and they would just literally say thank you and blow you off and walk away that's what this shit is it's just now on the phone so they go like i like kelly i'll spend 50 bucks and then i get a picture and then you sign in the dm and i think she really likes me it's like get the fuck out of here and all you gotta do is just oh i love I think she really likes me. It's like, get the fuck out of here. Oh, I love you.

What do you mean? I love you so much. As soon as you get the feeling that they're like, oh, I'm not paying this again. Do something a little more out of, you know, a little bit crazier. You're already in on it.

You're a good manager. You're good and you've been wanting Can I tell you exactly what you should do? I know exactly what you should already do. The perfect way

I gotta think about something to post for my first post when I get my link. The perfect way to make a shit ton of money immediately, but also not cross the line too much is you just say, I'm trying on all my Halloween costumes. I have so many costumes.

That's a really good idea. And so many guys. That's a really good idea. That's a concerning really good idea so many guys that's a really good idea that's a that's a concerningly good idea that's a have you been thinking about this I'm ashamed of myself

for thinking of this if you said Halloween haul Halloween haul the Kelly Keegs Halloween haul try on and you just try on

and one of you're gonna make so much so much I swear to god you guys so much fucking finally

about motherfucking time like I've been I've been telling my friends this for a long time. I'm like, listen, bitches. I'm going to get rich one of these days. I'm going to fly us all to a private island. This is all happening. Whatever.

My friends are like, yeah, yeah, we'll catch you there. We'll catch you there. I literally text my two best friends. I was like, hey, it's time. The revolution is here. Pack your bags, bitches. We support you in your porn endeavor. I was like, thank you.

I appreciate that I'll see you on the fucking island you know the first one is like the cat and the second one is the what is the other one it's cat and devil right

you wear the cat ears and devil ears and then you have to wear one or two that's a little like whoa but the rest can be totally normal I have a lot of costumes

that I haven't posted on Instagram because they're too slutty that's just a fact I go to a lot of now you just do that I dress up a lot for no reason all the time all the time you're walking around your house in fucking robes like you're Cruella DeVille costumes that I haven't posted on Instagram because they're too slutty. Yes, you have a million of those. Now you just do that. I dress up a lot for no reason. All the time. You're walking around your house in fucking robes like you're Cruella DeVille.

I do. I literally sound like I'm about to I really am. It's so painful. It's so painful being this wafer-y bitch. With Halloween coming, you can not only post them, you can do like in the dms i'll send you other pictures and like you can vote which one i'm gonna wear and then go to like 30 halloween parties this october and you can wear them each time here's the thing as well i'm actually i don't think my first thing should be trying on halloween i think that should be something to keep people

coming because my concern is of course we're getting the initial bump right everybody wants to see what the fuck I'm up to. I'll throw little things out there, teasy, whatever, and I'll be degrading people in the DMs. We'll come for that, obviously. So that will keep it rolling. The best in the biz.

Nobody better than you. That will keep it rolling. But then, after the first month, people are going to be like, this bitch isn't going to post a nipple at least. What's going on here? Blah, blah, blah. I need to get that bump right back up. Well, if you're worried going to be like, oh, this bitch isn't going to post a nipple at least. What's going on here? Blah, blah, blah. I need to get that bumped right

back up. Well, if you're worried, no nipples, whatever, but I'm going to try on my Halloween costumes now. It's October. I love this business plan that we're coming up with. I think it'll be a lot. I think it's probably for everybody. It'll be a lot like cops at the end of the month when they got to hit their quota. I guess people sign up

at different times, so you don't really know. I think as soon as you see some subscribers drop, you're going to be like, here's my pussy. If you saw a big drop off, you would be like, okay, wait, I need to do some shit right now to get it right back up. Here is another very important puzzle piece

to this entire thing, is my ego needs to stay where it's at. I can't lose confidence in myself during this. I need that initial wave. I'm prepared for initial wave. I'm prepared for an initial dip. But after that initial dip, I better stay up.

Because otherwise, things are going to get real. I don't think there'll be much of a dip. Because as someone who, I'm off the OnlyFans. But you were on it hard for a while. I was on it for a while. You were addicted to OnlyFans. I was never addicted to OnlyFans. I could stop whenever I want.

I don't know. I don't know about that. But it does get ridiculous when you see it all laid out. I was never addicted to OnlyFans. I was never addicted to OnlyFans. I mean, I can stop whatever I want. I don't know. I don't know about that. But the, it does, it does get ridiculous when you see it all laid out. You're like, that's an insane amount of money

I'm paying for, for bathing suit pictures. Right, right, right. But the, but like, it took months

for you, for me to be like, to have that revelation. Yeah. So you'll at least get like a three, three month cycle. That's the other thing,

you can sell them in like, one month is this, three months is that, a year is that oh my god are you telling me right now that I can theme each month I can make themes out of this

you can do whatever the fuck you want I'm gonna spend the rest of my day planning out you can sell it as like one month is 30 bucks two months is 45 can you do like that

yes you can sell a year for like a hundred dollars and it's like those guys are gonna be paying a hundred dollars each dude my eyes are like rolling around in my head right now I i am dollar signs big fucking bird eyes

you can just do weird things with your face that people like you know what yeah like this on camera you could sell a cross-eyed picture of your face she's got that that hentai fucking face. That's true. Hentai face. I draw it on like that. Dumb things like that. Eating a fucking ice cream pop. There's stuff like that. That's what I'm saying.

Here's my next question to you guys. I have not told my mom about any of this. She's going to see it on Twitter probably. I can't believe I haven't gotten a text already about it. You are a modern woman. What do I say to my mom? You need to say. She'll get it.

I genuinely think i genuinely think when when i don't know much about about mama keegan but yeah the amount of money you're talking about for things that don't cross the line yes like if you said mom i will never do anything yeah like naked or sexual but like you know i don't plan on it in the dms that's an indian man i pay don't worry yeah yeah yeah i'm not going to tell her about the dance what's very funny is all these girls are going to have to go on Glennie's podcast

now oh no I said it I was like where is Glennie people go on his podcast and all their numbers like double no I fucking know

he's like the king I'm trying to go on his podcast no doubt this is what I want they had that story the other day about like

people paying podcasters he's the one people are paying Glennie 50k to come on the episode they better be I can see Glennie

just being like, I just want to see their boobs. And that's how he is. But I've watched a couple of his episodes and he's a great interviewer. He does crazy research on these girls.

He's not perverted. I mean, he is. But he's not showing it. He is, but he does it in a way. I think Glennie is like, he's so overtly perverted that you are comfortable with it. You're like, ah, Glennie's...

I'm honestly looking at this whole get up right here with this thing and these. She could show that and guys would be like, oh, shit. Content Kim did stop me in my tracks and tell me I look beautiful today. Not to brag. And I thought, I got to make money off this somehow. You have to think about there is the guy who is a good looking guy, makes money, hooks up a lot. Girls come to him.

He might not good looking guy. He makes money, hooks up a lot. Girls come to him. He might not be paying money. There are people out there who are very big fans of you, don't have much going, who will be like. The freaks. The freaks. I love the freaks. And I say that all the time. I'm like the freaks, whatever.

I'm always talking about freaks. I love a freak. I just like, you know, to a certain extent, I don't need you to show up at my fucking house. But if you're a fucking freak and you're the kind of guy who pays a billion dollars on OnlyFans all the time

it's like alright that's your jam that's your shit I'm not going to yuck you down we don't kink shame here at OnlyFans my main employer really think about

the Halloween thing so after that well so that's perfect after that you dress up in Christmas outfits after that you dress up in Valentine's Day shit. Then after that, we do St. Patrick's Day.

You should do it for Thanksgiving. Just do a turkey. You're tied up. Honestly. I can't wait for Kelly to be like, we're doing Girl Scouts today. We're learning how to tie knots over here. You're going to be in the fucking San Francisco Armory.

But you're not going to watch. I'll tell you what. Yeah, that's facts. I'm going to watch my back. You get OnlyFans in fucking August. That's why you're my main internet man. I'll tell you what. Yeah, that's facts. I watch my back. You get your OnlyFans in fucking August by November. You're tied up on tables. Yeah, no, no, no. Got away from me.

That's why, again, that's why I chose. That's why I'm choosing Kevin as my manager, not John. Listen, I ain't much better, babe. I'm like the taxi driver in Home Alone. Ain't much better over here, kid. I mean. No, I mean, it's wild. Well, no, no, no, my serious question.

I think your mom would, the same way, here's what I would imagine like what Jordan felt or what I would feel if I was a chick. She said that her parents are so out of the loop, she didn't have to like explain. But I'm saying from my own like point of view, if I was like, I don't want to be an OnlyFans girl, even if I don't do anything sexual,

people will, that rumor will get around. The stigma, yeah. Right. And then you press like enter and the post goes up and you make $24,000 in an instant and you go, oh, I don't care anymore. And if someone says to you like, oh, you're an OnlyFans girl, I'd be like, I make your years rent in a day, so shut the fuck up.

Immediately forgot about the stigma when I heard the number she's pulling in and I was like, this is bullshit. You've heard that number before, it's just that a girl on your level didn't. Because when you hear about the girls making $150 i was like but you know what's funny is you've heard that number before it's just that a girl on your literally right right next to me because when you see when you hear about the girls making 150k a month but you look at her and you're like well obviously like she should be making 150 yeah yeah yeah like look at her not even look at her it's like you know that she's doing some shit you know what i mean she's probably a porn star right right so that this is just like a regular so i always thought the x factor you guys have is barstool because

these people listen every day and they want. You could just do behind the scenes content. People like to know. So I have. That's also a thing. And that's what Jordan and Alex are both doing. They're doing like behind the scenes with their Mean Girls stuff. Like they're posting other things.

Like Jordan, I think she said she's posting like gym selfies and like Q pics. Little things that are just a little bit. And I'm like, that's fine. That's adorable. That's completely normal. Things that are like 10% sexual. You know what I mean? Right.

Like it's again. Regular life. half the time I won't post stuff on my Instagram or my Twitter or whatever I have a like ranking

of where I'll post things Instagram is like I know everyone in my immediate life people that actually know who I am will see this like my friends

from high school college grandparents like whatever people will see it on Instagram so I'm like pretty tame on Instagram

like I post the photos of me whatever like at the bachelor parties that's because I have a cute outfit on. So, and that's another one, that video, that picture where she was just popping that ass.

Yeah. That dress. Like that's only material. You don't know. I know. So that's the thing. It's like, I can kind of taper off that Twitter.

I'll go a little rogue. I'll post whatever. And then take talk. I just look stupid all the time. So those are, that's like my, how I rank my social medias. I don't have one to put all the,

like, I need attention. Well, you're whorish material. I just like have one to put all the like, I need attention. Well, you're a whore-ish material. I just like send those to my friends. You know what's going to happen? We're talking about the freaks, like how they're like devolving.

You're going to devolve into an OnlyFans freak who loves the freaks, like the attention from the freaks. Probably. You're going to be like, I got to go home and DM my freaks. Well, that's the thing.

My precious, my precious freaks. I've reached a threshold where like, there is no amount of attention that's enough. The limit does not exist. The limit does not exist. The limit does not exist. I'm not getting enough. At any point, I'm not getting enough.

See, that is also where you need to do the real fin dom shit. Yeah. I don't know why you haven't done that either. I know. This is going to open. The dominoes start to fall. This will open doors for me, and I'm excited. Because the guys that really want to get degraded are coming, and they have the big money.

Yeah, that's fucking right. Can I have some money? I mean, maybe. I don't know. You need to give me $50,000 when you make your first $500,000. I will give you some money. I'll take you to a nice dinner and cut you a small check. Although, I don't know.

You're helping me plan out my whole year. There's more in it for you, too, Kevin. You give up a little more. I'll give up a little more. There needs to be something. There's a line in the Youngblood movie with Keanu Reeves. Not Keanu Reeves. Yes, Keanu Reeves is in it, but Rob Lowe,

a hockey player. And they say hockey is the last sport for the middle-sized white boy. Yes. And there needs to be something, one of these apps, one of these things for just a blah, man. Yes.

How about us? We need to make some money. Cameo, I don't eat my shirts, so no one's going to see my cameos. No, people will love you on cameo. The only thing about cameos is that fucking time limit. I always run out of time, and they expire. You get a cameo, you have like three days. Oh, can you?

Well, maybe I should double dip. I used to give myself a week. Definitely double dip. But you can also go as long as you want. I never keep up.. Oh, can you? Well, maybe I should double dip. I used to give myself a week. Definitely double dip. But you can also go as long as you want. I never keep up. The problem is you're going to say that. You're going to say, there needs to be an app for us to make money. And people are going to say, it's just called having a job.

White men have been making the wage gap and blah, blah, blah. No, no. Fuck that. What you guys are talking about is not work. You guys are talking about shortcuts and easy ways to make money. That's what we deserve too. Anybody. Yes, we can all work for money.

That's bullshit. What I'm talking about is a shortcut That's what we deserve, too. Anybody? Yes, we could all work for money. That's bullshit. What I'm talking about is a shortcut. Listen, we've earned this, I think. We've earned this opportunity. Which was podcasting. Yeah, now that's not working. We really finagled that one for a while. We had a good hustle.

But it's not paying the right amount of money no more. Everybody else is getting rich around me. It's going to be a fucking problem when Jordan Woodruff's making more money than all of us. Yes, yes. Well, it's actually going to be me, so. Well, you have to give me money. If you get rich, you

better believe I'm taking your fucking money. If you help me, I'll give you some money. I'm not going to say how much. If I help you, Kelly, what has been the last goddamn decade? On OnlyFans, it's different. Yes, you help me at work. I have my job. I'm so thankful, but OnlyFans, I need some help. And this is what I'm saying. I'll be the fucking cameraman. Can we get down to business for real?

For my first post. First posts. to business for real for my first post first posts what am I gonna what am I gonna unleash to the world you gotta go one of those boat pics what's gonna be

yeah the boat pics do like an album like Kelly Keegs no don't go albums don't do albums no I'm not gonna do albums you're right but I think you need to talk about

a little more explanation how it works boat pics like there's many of them and start with one because should I just open it up as one photo I think there's legit of them and start with one because there's something I think there's legit

something in my brain from the Minnesota Vikings when I hear like boat pics if I hear boat pics I think that there's like some fucking crazy shit going on

because of those guys there was an NFL team that went on a boat before and like fucked a bunch of strippers on it and I was like yeah boat like shit

yeah like because of the implication didn't that happen to a lot of people like went on boats with strippers and then they had a problem with it? Probably. Isn't Dan Snyder like in trouble for that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, people go on boats with women. Sports, Kelly. Shit happens. Checking in. Yeah, you can do that too. Give us some sports coverage on the fucking onlyfans too.

I know everything. If you did boat pics, if you said like, teehee, teehee, went on my boat with my girls, here's a couple pics. And you post some stupid pics and then you say 15 bucks for the real ones. You will get all of those people to make. Yeah. So that's the thing. So you really sign up for free is the way to go.

Alex is the one doing it right. I get, I get that Jordan made 24 grand overnight. I don't know. But if you, Alex has 5,000 subscribers right now. Yeah. So tomorrow,

if she said, let's say even if Alex wanted to go crazy. Yeah. So tomorrow she says, I have a sex tape. I'm selling it for $100. All 5,000 people are buying that. Oh, I see. I see.

So you get the, it's like getting, it's like a regular social media. They're like add-ons. You get a bunch of followers and then you say, buy this. I think what I'm probably going to do is the immediate thousands of dollars. Well, actually, before you walked in, I said, you know what you should do? Both. Because if I. Can I do both? Yeah. If I paid. There's so the immediate thousands of dollars. Well, actually, before you walked in, I said, you know what you should do? Both. Because if I- Can I do both?

Yeah. If I paid- There's so much I need to learn. Do something like 10 or 15 bucks a month up front and then another 10 or 15 per picture and I'd be like,

oh, it's only 30. That's what Jordan is and da-da-da. You know what I mean? People start to think of that way. Okay, okay. So you have- What if I-

I'd do 100 annual. Oh, that's great. Yeah. 100 annual. Do like- That's a hundred annual. Oh that's great. Yeah. Do like do like do That's a good idea. Is that a good idea?

Or am I getting ripped off? Do 20 a month 35 for three months no 40 for three months. Okay. And then do like I can't tell if this is

good advice or not. And then do a hundred Yes. This is how it works because getting a hundred dollars a month from some like up front like that is a big Yeah. Like getting someone right away to just pay you a hundred yes this is how it works because getting a hundred dollars a month from some

like up front like that is a big yeah like getting someone right away to just pay you a hundred dollars is but now we're edging in on what I said

if I go on there and nobody's subscribing and I only have like five subscribers I'll kill myself like I can't have that Kelly that's not gonna happen

can't have that when I say Kelly Keegs can I turn it on that freak Kelly Keegs fucking has an OnlyFans. What if I turned it on where it's like you have to subscribe? No, this is probably stupid. You have to subscribe and then I change my mind or I make half of it not subscription,

half of it subscription. Can I start out strong? Subscription is when you want to do it, I think. It's just like I have a video, I'm putting it behind a paywall. So you can sell it on this one. So one of the popular things that they do is there's a free page that you have to pay for everything individually.

Or there's the VIP page where – Everything is there? I think most stuff is there. I think they still fucking charge for – I think there's several ways to make money. Okay. But you can do the free page and then charge everyone individually for pictures. And then you can do a VIP page where you probably can charge there too.

Okay. And I really think – a VIP page where you probably can charge there too. Yeah. Okay. And I, and I really think if you, if you, if you said there's a bunch of pics from a boat where me and my girlfriends got drunk, there's a lot.

He's the first couple. I went on three boats. There's 10 more over here. I went on three boats, three different bachelor parties. Like there's, there's some pictures, like there's some pics.

Yeah. And then if it was just like, honestly, I even, even for like when I went, Oh, Angie Verone is the fucking queen. Whose page is this?

Is this you, Pabst? Oh, no. I just made it right now. That's right, Pabst. Subscribe. While we're here, I accidentally made a KFC radio page a year and a half ago. I had already made one myself. It said sign in with Twitter, and I was logged into the KFC radio account. So there was a blue check and a half ago. I had already made one myself. It said sign in with Twitter

and I was logged into the KFC radio account. So there was a blue check and everything on it. Really? How do I get a blue check? I gotta get that right? Angie Verone was a girl who I believe was very popular on the internet before she was old enough to be popular on the internet.

Should I make my profile pic my ass like that? Yep. I'm not. And then as soon as everything was legal, she went ham. So yeah, do what these girls... You can have all these sales and shit. You'd be like, sign up now. It's 20% off. 50% off for 31 days.

Honestly, the power... How many subscribers does she have? Does it say? Some people keep it private. 400 and... Oh, no, that's likes. That's likes. 865 pictures, 500 videos, 400,000 likes.

Okay. I mean, she's got... Oh, wait, I can hide my subscribers? I can hide my subscribers? That's huge news for me. I think you can do that, too. Yeah, I think you can make it public if you want to. Right, you know, like, nobody wants it to be zero,

and then it's embarrassing. Yeah, but it's not gonna be. And I think when people see how many it is, they go, oh, I got to subscribe too. Okay. As much as I make fun of like,

who's going to pay for like pictures and stuff? I think about the power of like one picture. Like if I say Pauline Nagretsky, I instantly think of that picture where she's just, I think on a boat

where their fucking legs completely open and the jean shorts. You know what I mean? I don't think that. What do you think of? People are like really remembering. Where they revealed her tattoo.

So either way, though, I'm saying. Oh, my God. I can reveal my ass tat. I have an ass tat. Oh, my God. I'm going to fucking ruin your neck. It's just ridiculous. You knew that.

Did you know that? I talk about it all the time. Kelly Keegs reveals her ass tat $25,000. A million dollars for that video. It's not. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, no, yeah. Yeah, no, no,000. A million dollars for that video. It's not. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, no, yeah. I'm not going to undersell it.

Yeah. Have an ass tat. Yeah. I'll reveal it on OnlyFans. You're doing your Halloween costumes. We're doing tattoo reveals. Unbelievable. Am I going to regret this so much in like six hours?

I don't know. Like if I'm going to go home and sweat in my sleep. No, I don't care. I'll sleep in my piles of fucking money. It's time. It home and like sweat in my sleep make a no I don't care I'll sleep in my piles of fucking money like it's time it's time to sleep in my piles of money

like I can my anxiety I can tell my anxiety to take a fucking backseat it's nice to finally to actually have money right yeah

now you can live it to pretend yeah I can stop pretending and just be rich that would be lovely this is gonna be a revolution I think that also

what's gonna happen is there's gonna be some cattiness about who makes the most money on OnlyFans. Well, that's another thing I'm worried about, which like, you know, I don't know. Other hoes coming in, taking away from my slice. But then at the end of the day, you know, there's enough room at the top. I wonder if you guys could all ban her. The ultimate would be you guys unionize and be like, for $500, you get all of our shit and then you split it up.

Oh, like a group? Yeah. Now, fuck these bitches. You do it on your own. Now, fuck these bitches. Yeah, now forget it. They can do their own. I'm putting myself on a limb.

I'm going to have to have this awkward conversation with my mother later, so it's going to be harder for me. I get a little extra cheese for that. The amount of money that you can make, it's just sitting right there

for the taking. That's what I'm saying. Yes, you have been saying that for a million years. Everybody's been saying it for a million years. But now's the time. Right. It now seems like it's just sitting right there for the taking. That's what I'm saying. And yes, you have been saying that for a million years. Everybody's been saying it for a million years. But now is the time. Right.

It now seems like it's crossed over the threshold of like when people hear OnlyFans, they definitely think porn for sure. They definitely think naked photos and stuff. But there are still people like, don't they do other things on OnlyFans? Like that pops up in conversation. And just that question of can't there be other things? That's all I need. You sprinkle in like a couple videos where you're talking about The Bachelor and shit. And you're like, I do other content there.

Yeah, whatever. It's literally your Instagram just a little bit more and with a shit ton of money. Damn. Go to work. Go. What a venture.

Go be horny online and make some money. Thank you for this giant promo for my OnlyFans which please check my Twitter. The link will be up. I have 24 to 48 hours until it's approved.

This podcast appearance retroactively is going to cost $50,000. I don't think so. Bye. If you're going to sign up for Kelly Keegs' OnlyFans, you got to get your hands on some Roman products, whether it is the hair growth pills or the dick growth pills, or you can get the testosterone supplement.

So what they do is they have testosterone support. This is something that I think is becoming more mainstream. I think in the beginning, people thought of it as like hormone treatment. And you're like, if you're living a normal life, you know, I don't need extra hormones. I don't need like injections. I don't want to do any of that stuff.'s not what we're talking about anymore this is just

like anything else where you would take a vitamin or you would uh change your diet or drink a shake or something like that this is to help you have more energy more um more stamina uh it'll help with weight gain and hair loss and all that shit so So like right here, we've got the, uh, I think this is just like a powder. Um, this is an empty jar. Um, so that I don't know about. Um,

so this heavy ass empty jar, this is a dietary supplement, 120 tablets. And you just take these and it gives you, uh, all of the, you know, all of the same effect as regular testosterone so that you have the correct levels.

It's not like a steroid. It's not like it's about being a meathead. It's just like there are certain levels of things in your body. And if you have a little bit low, which I'm sure we all do because we're all fucking. Yeah. If you're a low T boy, you got to get some testosterone. Shout out to the low T boys. We are the low T boys.

We are the beta boys. We have been for a long time. Whether that's just because we're kind of like pussies or because we don't eat right or because we're lazy or we're getting old. I had a salad thing. All that shit.

I had chicken salad for my meal too. So yeah, we're eating healthy. Yeah, I had four chicken salad sandwiches last night. Four chicken salad sandwiches.

Yeah, like me. That's not, I don't think good. What? Four? On like bread? On buns I don't think, good. Four? On bread? On buns.

Yeah, that's buns. Four of them. I got really high last night. I was going to say, that was also supplemented by something. I had three ice cream sandwiches, too. Wow. Those nights are the best. Yeah.

Oh, unbelievable. I actually. Watched James Bond and got high. I've had nights where I think I've almost died. I think if I eat right before i go to bed when i'm high my body does not digest any of the food i think i think my body goes into like a coma so then i just have like food in my system i think and i've woken up like almost i've almost i think like died in my throw up like a fucking 80s rock star but just from eating too

much food i'll wake up like and i don't throw up, but I was like, but I was about to. And if I was really fucked up on like drugs in the 80s, I probably would have. But it's only, it's just because I ate like, yeah, I just ate three bowls of cereal, had like two pints of ice cream

and a fucking, you know, and a box of donuts and my body was like, we got to get this shit out, dude. So anyway, don't be like us. Get the Roman testosterone support

and make sure you have the proper levels in your body today uh go to get roman.com slash kfc get 15 off your first order of roman t support i think i'm just gonna do this i mean signals of uh of low t decline in energy and stamina weight gain hair loss and low sex drive i don't really check the boxes for those, but I want more of all that. Less weight gain, less hair loss, more sex drive, more energy, more stamina. So can it really hurt? I don't know.

What you got to do, though, is go to... What? You check the boxes for a lot of those. You check the boxes for maybe four out of six. Decline in energy and stamina. I guess weight gain, but not in energy and stamina. I guess weight gain, but not like weirdly weight gain.

I know why I'm gaining weight. That's not testosterone. That's fucking pints of ice cream every night. Low sex drive is not... I think the sex drive and the hair, you're all set on. I think the rest of them, you're checking that box. We're starting today then.

I guess today is just cut Kevin down at the knees day. But no, you know what? It's not about that. That's the harder way to lose weight. This way is the better way. Yeah, this is the way to do it. Get your natural supplements with six nutrients. It's at GetRoman.com slash KFC.

That's getroman.com slash KFC. I'm going to be jealous of these bitches, man. They're going to get a lot of money. That was a concerning thing. We're going to run into a bit of an issue at this company when the top podcasts are the lowest paid people. Because it's coming. It's coming. It's coming, folks. It's coming down the tracks. All the lowest paid people. Because it's coming. It's coming. It's coming, folks.

It's coming down the tracks. All right. All right. I think here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to walk into this fucking office with my head down like a little bitch. I know everyone makes way more than me. That's why we got to be. I'm the Patrice Bergeron of this company.

That's why we got to be like the, what is his name? Ron Perlman of the boy bands? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Perlman, something like that. I think so. Rude Perlman. What? Ron Perlman was Hellboy.

Yeah, right, right. He's in something. Yeah. The guy who was the godfather of the boy bands who was like, I'm fat and old and ugly. I can't make money through basically sex appeal. No one wants to see me sing in a mall in Tampa. Right. But these little boys can, and I'm going to get them to sign contracts.

I should have not given her any of those ideas. I should have just said, sign this paper, and I'll make you some money. Meanwhile, I was taking 90% off the top. Literally talking about just being a pimp. But yeah, that's going to be a problem, dude. But I think I'm'm gonna take my own advice and start an only fans you're gonna start i'm gonna start and what are you gonna do uh first of all i'm gonna do feed picks and uh i think dude if you drop a one minute man about you

dropping an only fans that would get so many signs i think you i think people will sign up just out of like bizarre curiosity And then I hope to win. Also, I mean, I could just show my dick. And I do think there would be people who would pay for that. Oh, it's with people. You don't have to say it. It doesn't have to be a girl. Do you want to see blank naked?

Yeah. I'll take a look. I'll take a peek. I'll take a look at that. You want to see so-and-so's dick? Yeah. Always. Yeah.

Almost exclusively always. I don't have to be famous. You can be a guy on the street. Right. You can be a stoplight. Youso's dick? Yeah. Always. Yeah. Almost exclusively always. I don't have to be famous. You can be a guy on the street. Right. You can be a stoplight. You can tap on the shoulder and go, hey, you want to see this guy's dick? All right. I'll take a look.

We have an episode coming out with Ryan Pownall from Pillow Talk where he talked about how he's in a video on OnlyFans as a stunt dick. And he was like, do you want to see it? And the quickness with which I said yes to a male guest who said, do you want to see my dick getting sucked? he was like, do you want to see it? And the quickness with which I said yes to a male guest who said, do you want to see my dick getting sucked?

I was like, yeah. I didn't think twice about that. And then afterwards, I was like, that was maybe a little too quick on the trigger, but I don't think so. No.

Just like, yeah, whatever. Do you want to see a blowjob? Always. Morbid curiosity, always. It's like Tiger said when he was texting that girl about golden showers. What did he say?

He said, do you do or do you like golden showers? And I think before she could even reply, he just wrote, just out of morbid curiosity. Just like, I need to know, a.k.a. I also want to piss on you. I think that there's got to be enough gay guys

and enough female fans that would take a peek at the feet here and there and the freaks who would want to look at... I think you have a little bit of a foot fetish with your own feet. I mean, once I saw these dogs painted, man, when I saw those toenails painted, I was like, these look like feet that people would fuck.

This show, we could change the name of it to Only Fans in Kevin's Feet. That's what we've done a lot of for the last few weeks. The revolution is here, bro. It is a lot of... Are they coming out? No. Not anymore. Not for free. I would just...

I just at least gotta test the market with the feet because I'm yelling at these girls all the time and it's like, feet are feet, bro. Yeah, they're gay people too. They're gay people, but also I just feel like people, like if you're a foot fetish, this is an interesting question. Do you think foot fetish, like sex matters?

Could you be gay for feet and straight for like pussy? It's like I throw righty and I bat lefty. Someone's trying to talk himself into something right now. I like hairy feet. That's normal right? That's what I mean. Don't get me wrong. I love puss. There are guys out there.

This is a question I can't ask but I'm going to ask anyway. Who was the first Barcelona player to show snatch? We definitely can't ask that. We definitely can't answer. No. You know what? But check my OnlyFans and I'll answer that for you.

Basically, we'll leave that open to the listeners. Reply in the comments below. Bro, when we do our live shows and we do shit our lawyers won't want to say,

it's definitely Keegs. Like, definitely. Because I'm telling you, it's that slippery slope where she'd be like, oh my god, I'm about to lose some subscribers. Yeah, yeah. Kitty cat out. Literally already had that text conversation with her. I think that there are guys out there who might be straight for women who have the foot fetish thing who are like, I don't know. I like them when they're big.

I like them when they're hairy. And I'm like, here you go, bro. Just really into hobbit feet. I don't give a shit. I like my feet like my tits big and hairy. How much money would you need to make? I like my vaginas like with a dick oh my god that's funny how much money would you need to make

for you to be cool with like if you just had an OnlyFans that you knew that dudes were just pounding off to your feet. I don't fucking care. I'll do it. I was going to say, like, if I,

bro, if you want to jerk off to my feet. So that's what I'm saying. I'm going to do it. I'm boasting feet pics. Fuck you guys. I'm starting an OnlyFans. It's going to be called,

like, KF Feet or something like that. And, and, or, K Feet, yeah,

something, yeah, KF Feet. And, and if you're into feet uh you can sign up and it can be you know your little secret you can just fucking come to my feet and i swear to god if i make money like doing that if i make substantially more money like the other day we went through our our merch numbers and we have we have merch that we like love and design and work

on and think is like really like nice clothing. And it's a, it fits like in a line. We're going to do a drop and seasonal and all this shit. And then we see the dumbest fucking shirts make the most money. And it's like, well, what the fuck do I even try for?

If I find out that I could get a bunch of goddamn weirdos to jerk off to my feet and make more money than doing this all fucking day, I'm gone, man. I'm going to the fucking the caribbean just posting my feet all day you'll never see me again it is you'll see my feet and that's it that is a uh it's a concern of mine that is a that is a seriously sobering thought it's a concern of mine that this show goes down the tubes because kevin makes too much money i don't defend but you could too then I couldn't I'm too lazy this is the easiest

this is harder than what I'm talking about this is John every time you get a be real notification you just post a picture of your feet done you love that app

you want to take pictures but I don't have good feet post your toes I know there's a I know people like the hobbits they like the hobbits. They like the freaks, too.

Yeah. Nobody wants a normal... Think about your porn. Nobody wants normal porn. Everybody wants weird shit. You know? Yeah. I mean, I'm probably not going to do it. Honestly, I don't have OnlyFans.

I don't have Cameo, because really this job I have to do for three hours a week is just too exhausting. Unreal. No, I'm kidding. It's more for three hours a week is just too exhausting. Unreal. No, I'm kidding. It's more like six hours a week. Oh, man. It is actually crazy. Sometimes I'm like,

last week, I look at our schedule and I'm like, oh, a meeting on top of it all I'm like, I'm meeting on top of it all? Fuck, am I going to do all this? And then I do it all and I'm like, that was about nine hours over four days. Legit, last week, we had eight interviews. We had eight interviews and i acted like we were storming the beaches of normandy i was like how how are we gonna do this how could we possibly

have you guys seen that new trend on like tiktok and twitter it's like men used to hunt now they wear lululemon pants and their air-conditioned job it's like men used to go to war now they podcast for nine hours but there is there is a difference between – I've said it before and I will always stand by it. And people, until you've done both sides of those types of jobs, you can't understand it. But there is something about being able to go to a job and just being like, my brain is off. And I am sitting here stealing money from you. It's about – that's when your commute sucks and the amount of time you spend there sucks but the work itself is kind of like whatever this work while fun is like

you have to think of things and be entertaining and beyond we've talked about a million times there is something to be said for that like nine hours of being on or talking or trying and like i don't know why it is and people will roll their eyes but if you do like five hours of podcasting in a row you're gassed afterwards you really are whereas you know you sit at your desk for literally all week doing for 40 hours and you're like i'm fine i'm just sitting here you know i don't know what the one thing i feel like uh even even after like it's been years and years and years since i had a cube job so a lot of it is no longer i can't relate i don't know some of the things like hold true forever right but what wasn't around really for me was like the phones and the social media like on that level because i'll go

if i was at deloitte now let's say i didn't blog god bless you If I went to Deloitte now, I would just beat it. Yeah, that'll get done. Yeah. Sure thing, bro. Headlines, yeah. Have you seen this fucking TikTok, man? Like, I would, you know. That's why, also, your commute used to suck.

Like, I'd be like, all right, I'm getting out at 5. I got to get home and get to the game. The game starts at 7. I want to drink a beer, get to the bar, be with my friends because I have this precious time away from work. And you have train traffic or delayed or whatever. And your commute is like two hours instead of one hour or whatever. And you would just be sitting there. You would just be like, fuck, this sucks.

Now it's like, well, I'd be on my couch with my phone or I'm on the subway. It's a little less comfortable, but that's about it. Oh god i'm dying pneumonia for sure i need my tea need more tea man um so let's get back to podcasting i guess so we can be little broke boys and fucking uh try to keep up with these hoes as soon as they start making enough money i'm gonna sex shame them shame them. Slut shame them. You're all whores. Try having a real job where you talk and entertain people instead of just showing your snatch. Meanwhile, I got a secret OnlyFans where I'm showing whole. What if? What if?

All right, let's do another hypothetical. I'm going to start OnlyFans and it It's going to be called Show and Hold. What would you do? What would you guys do if I went home and started a foot page and I was like, yo, I made like $25,000 overnight and the next day John tweeted, I've got one too. Here's my link and it was Show and Hold.

Hashtag Saturdays are for the butthole. Saturdays are for the holes and every Friday night at midnight you drop a hole pick it's just me fucking bent over in front of a mirror yes doing the original that was your original blog right? that's how you looked at your asshole right?

never again recreate that I looked into the eye exactly one time I looked into the eye of the storm and I never looked again. Oh man, this is hilarious. It's like Grandfather's house.

You did mirror on the wall? Yeah, it was one of those sliding mirrors. Okay, and you just turned around. I just turned over. You did cast and couch, spread your cheeks. So your head was beneath your legs? Jesus Christ. How, and you just turned around. I just turned over. You did casting couch spray your cheeks. So your head was beneath your legs? Jesus Christ. How old were you? Like young teenagers.

I was living in my grandparents' house at that time. We had done a probably my sophomore year of high school. This show's the best. This show should make more money than Jordan fucking Woodruff's Only Fans.

God damn it. Bro, it was, it was, I like went through puberty living in this attic. And Frank over here. Jesus Christ.

My whole family, a big family of six people, we like all lived with my grandfather. Why was that? We were putting an addition on our house. Okay.

And like, just like, it was knocking on a bunch of shit. This is some Charlie and the Chocolate Factory shit. Everybody crammed into one bed. So I was living in the attic, and it had one of the – it had those sliding –

Bro, this is a movie. This is – this is one of those things. I know you've told me these stories, but I don't think I've ever really put together that you went through puberty in your grandparents' attic. And you're just up alone in the attic showing your asshole. It started when we first moved into the house. We lived there for a couple months. When we first moved into the house, I was such a child, so naive that I was using the mirror.

You ever done that? So it's like the sliding door mirror. Yeah, okay. Like to a closet. Yes, yes. But the door happens to also be a mirror. Yeah. And so I would slide it really close to here,

and I would lift up this leg, and it looked like I had both legs in the mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought that was the coolest thing. I was like a little kid. This is amazing. Right, right. You're doing like fun house tricks, basically. And then you showed your asshole a little kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Right, right. You're doing like fun house tricks basically.

And then you showed your asshole. Fast forward montage. It ended with me fucking spread over. And so wait. Looking. Wait, go out there and do it because like you're looking through your legs basically, right? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like you're about to hike a football is what you're doing. Right, right. And you're, yeah. Thank God you haven't been here, Jackie. Thank God you have not been here. For maybe about five more minutes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What would you guys do if one of us made a page called show and hole? Like, it's got to be a real question. Not only does that get made, we need producers on it. I was just going to say, I'm going to be cool with it until one of you guys show me a text like, can you, like, edit this chocolate doughnut? Subtitles? Could you Photoshop that little speck of toilet paper out?

You're gross. That's got to be... I made it gross now. Sorry. Sorry, crossed the line. that's gotta be a serious thing like what we're talking about with these girls where it is a slippery slope as much as i'm joking with those girls probably statistically one of those girls is gonna turn ho like where where it was like yeah you know like samantha started out like showing pictures in a bikini

and now she shows whole and we're like still friends with her but it's pretty fucking weird you know where like if all of a sudden you were making enough money and it was just like john just he shows whole now where's that guy from case you really go oh he shows all he shows he fucking bought his own island and he just takes whole pics every sunset it's just like a hole in the sun every fucking day black hole sun we'll call it unbelievable um i you know i would say more power to you brother but i think you'd have some some some haters and some detractors the haters yeah look i can take getting insulted someone insults my asshole we got a problem jesus christ you you drop your first only advanced pick it's

it's your it's your asshole at Hurricane O'Reilly's. You're getting subs, dog. You're getting subs. All right, let's go through some current events. By the way, I want to be clear about something. I don't have a sunburn right now. People have told me I have a sunburn. I don't have a sunburn. You don't look that sunburned.

You're a regular Miss Pat pink, but you're not. You don't look. You look a little bit pink. You look like the piggy bank jar right there. Huh. I love that. Hey, you look like that fat little pig. Well, John.

Oink, oink for me, you bitch. Oink, oink. Say it. Go ahead. Fucking say it, John. Oink for me. We got another photo shoot in mind now. Only fans oinking going on.

It's amazing how people feel the need to just say things. It's like you could just oink. Did you guys not hear that? Did you not hear the ducks that just flew out of his ass? Did you eat another? I had a salad today. I love how the salad bananas look. A roughage, bro.

It's that roughage in there. I've been farting a lot, dude. I'd be farting, man. Bro, boys be farting. John be farting everywhere he goes. That could be another thing. You just fart on only things. Damn, what that hole do, boy.

Yeah, for real. That thing quacks. That hole quacks, dude. Those barking spiders You just fart on only fans. Damn, what that hole do, boy. Yeah, for real. That thing quacks. That hole quacks, dude. Those barking spiders are just all over the place. Oh, by the way, I don't know why Zach's reaction to that. I can't believe you couldn't control your asshole there. You just started laughing. I forced it out.

Oh, you tainted on purpose? Yeah, fuck it. I don't know if we ever talked about this show. Yo, if you went. I'm going to. Talk about what? Zach had a strong reaction to that. I don't know if we ever talked about it on the show. No?

My God. What was the last one? You ate so much. Would you eat like 11 things? When you farted 11 times. I had four chicken salad sandwiches last night. Oh, right, right, right. And the ice cream sandwich.

There's a lot of dairy in there. Yeah, yeah. But what was the first? You had a farting storm. You ate like night. Oh, right, right, right. And the ice cream sandwich. There's a lot of dairy in there. Yeah, yeah. But what was the first... You had a farting storm. You ate like disgusting. Oh, it was... I ate part of my cheesesteak in a minute. Right.

Which, by the way, they never tweeted. No one ever posted a video out. If they did, they didn't tag me. Absolutely nothing. If they got sent from some account I don't follow, I've never seen that fucking video. Dude, I'm howling this episode is hilarious dude

I am dying but the Zach's strong reaction to my fart you can tell Jackie she can come in if she wants

made me think about the I don't know if we ever talked about it the time that you what you did in Paz's room when you just went into Paz's room.

When you just went into Paz's room and took a shit. We were on the road in Chicago. Zach checked out of his room so he couldn't go back to his room. Just goes to Paz's room and just takes a shit. But didn't knock like,

hey, can I use your bathroom? Played it cool. Apparently you just sat on the bed, farted twice, got up shit and left. And then left. I was editing. We're chatting a conversation. He's venting to me, first of all.

I heard shit. And then just starts farting while I'm editing. I'm like, yo, really going to come into my fucking room and fart? And then I just go back to editing and I just hear the toilet flush.

Comes out. You were down bad that day, bud. It happens, bro. It happens. Um. It's because he had sex the night before. We know why. We know why it's weird, right? We know why that butthole was weird.

Oh, man. That's got to be one of the worst parts was weird. Oh, man. That's got to be one of the worst parts about it. I would imagine. I would imagine. All right. About to do One Minute Man on KFC Radio. Today's topics are brought to you by Whistlepig Whiskey. It's the official whiskey of KFC Radio.

This says here, you know, after a long week, you want to kick back. So, yeah, after we do about nine hours of talking, we want to kick back and have some Whistlepig. It really is. It's the whiskey. You got to sit down and watch this show while you're sipping on some Whistlepig. Because if you get a buzz on while we're talking about all this nonsense, it's got to be the funniest show you've ever watched in your life. If I was a little bit buzzed right now, this would be fucking 1,000 out of 10. So you got to listen.

You got to drink it while you're watching. Drink it while you're listening. After a long day's work, if it's a night out on the town, you're on a date, you're drinking with the boys, drinking with the girls. And I recommend the maple old-fashioned. I know a lot of guys drink it neat, drink it on the rocks. I get it. It's perfect. I know a lot of guys drink it neat, drink it on the rocks. I get it. It's perfect. It's a perfect sipping whiskey.

But for me, the Whistlepig maple syrup that goes with it, you put a few splashes of this in there, some bitters, and the rest of your, you know, you do your regular old-fashioned. But you just do it with some Whistlepig maple syrup. This shit is, it's like a dessert, dude. It is. It's a little bit spicy because of the whiskey. It's a little bit sweet with the maple whiskey. It's a little bit sweet with the maple syrup. It's a perfect classic cocktail that guys drink, girls... It is like... When we go there...

I mean, anything you make, the bartender's best friend, the only 60% or 100% ride, no big deal. Everything's perfect. Boy. With that whiskey, when we go up there, a lot of people are usually just drinking it straight. We're doing tastings. People are just having bottles of it, cups of it.

And I'm always like, can I just get a little maple syrup in there, please? It's like your Buddy the Elf. Just put a little maple syrup in. So go get yourself a bottle of whiskey and the maple syrup from Whistlepig. You can get any maple syrup, but obviously this is the best of the best straight from the trees of Vermont. So go to WhistlepigWhiskey.com Click the link in the YouTube subscription or hit up your local liquor store.

Before we do One Minute Man, Jackie's here. Come on over, girl. Without spoiling anything, you are the new star of Surviving Barstool Season 2. And I say that because I've seen – I mean I'm hosting, so I've already seen the first day and a half of it.

And I've seen you do confessionals, and I've heard you talk about it all. You're the star of the show. No, I'm not. You're going to be – I think I'm the villain. Well, whatever. You might be the villain. You might be the hero.

You might get voted on i hope that you you make it at least a couple days because there's so much more content to be to come out of you you're already like a reality tv show's producer's dream because i can't believe i i i thought of it i i said like you'll be good on this but i didn't think of it's just jacked up for a reality show. She just gets going and she gets... I honestly thought you did coke earlier. You were talking so fast and it was like

early days jacked up where you were like, and then they score the ball with a touchdown and then you were flying and I can just see them being like, oh my god, this is a producer's dream. You guys might not see all the outtakes

because every single time I get going, they're like, okay, can you condense that into three sentences? No, I'm like three sentences where I full condense it. Well, that's what's going to be great too. We'll be doing the after shows and they do have to condense a lot of it and cut a lot of it for the show. But we will have all of the exclusive Jackie access.

So if you want to watch behind the scenes Jackie, full, uncut, no smoke and mirrors, you can come over to KC Radio YouTube and see that because that's going to be the gold. There is probably hours of footage of me so far. We've been doing it for a day. I just walked out of that room and it's even more

it's gonna be like it's drama on drama on drama Jackie I think expected to be like well liked and just have some fun and here's what's weird last Survivor surviving barstool started out as like an ad deal and we were like

alright we're gonna make like a pretty cool video for New Amsterdam. And within like a day, I was like, oh, wait a minute. This is like a real TV show. This is going to be a big deal. And now, because season two, everybody knows that already. People are coming in hot. There was no like, what are we doing here? Or, oh, okay, I'll play along, whatever.

It's like right away, alliances backstabbing, this, that, the other thing. Well, it's funny because last night we were all like, we were all like, oh my God, this is so fun. I feel like last season was so much more sneaky. They weren't as close, but I feel like we're such a nice group and this has been. Not today.

Not today. It is a very nice group. I know. It won't be by the end of it. It never is. It's like a social experiment. Yeah, that's what these things are I swear to god I'm going crazy I'm sitting here being like is somebody listening

on this conversation right now being mic'd up right now I don't even know if I can trust you I don't know if I should tell you you can trust us that's what they would say I like to think that you've been here a year and a half.

She just had two years the other day. Congratulations. Thank you for not throwing a fucking party on Twitter with yourself too. I like to think that over two years you've earned your trust. Really? I like to think so.

I don't know. You've earned ours. Sorry, I think so. Why are you asking us? You've earned ours. No, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Did you guys party last night? No, no.

That's the other thing. I don't know if that's going to... I don't know if they're going to do that either. That might be the one drawback. The first season, I think people were like, fuck it. This one, I think people are like, it's a game and I have to have my wits about me. I don't think we're going to get White Sox Dave sleepwalking into the streets of Manhattan. Wait, why do you say it like that?

Because he was just shit-faced, being a dumb, drunk idiot. But, like, why? Yeah. I mean, I guess that could technically be sleepwalking, but it's like, I think he was trying to say he wasn't drunk. He was sleepwalking. Oh, yes. He was like, bro, you're fucking blacked out, thinking, trying to find the bathroom bathroom and you walked out to the streets of fucking Manhattan. Yeah, I heard that.

But yeah, I think this is a very eclectic group. So I don't know what to expect. I have no idea. You know, the guys always just like compare up and like there's young girls that could be like we're a clique. But a lot of it still is like I don't really know you. You don't know me. So like. Yeah, I don't even want to. You don't know me. So like. Yeah. I don't even want to.

I don't even want to. Have you had any conversations that's like, hey, like no matter what happens for this, let's still be friends at the end of it? No, but I need to. Is anyone in the cast, on the cast, would you consider any of them a friend? Rudy? I would consider. Grace is cool.

You guys have had some nights out, right? Grace and Caroline and I have been really friendly with each other. But that's since the show started. I mean, previously. Do you have relationships with anyone? I mean, Rudy, kind of. Have you gone out with Grace or anybody? I've gone out with Grace.

I haven't gone out with Caroline, but I really like Caroline. And Rudy, I've known him for a while I like him Eddie's from Chicago, Kim is in and out Tico's kind of on her own planet Che I've never known Che is planet Che

knows what's going on there so yeah it's going to be interesting but I think win or lose I think there's going to be interesting, but I think win or lose, I think there's going to be some Jackie moments for sure. We got the team Jackie shirts on sale. I saw those. It was so

sweet. Thank you. Hopefully people can buy them and we'll get them shipped. It airs the week of the 22nd. We're competing this week. It's being edited next week, and then it airs. Oh, no, or does it air the 29th?

29th. Yeah, 29th. So we have two weeks in between. So you get your Team Jackie shirts now. It will definitely ship in time, because then it airs from the 29th through the 1st. No, you're right. It's nice to know that you guys have my back.

That's part of our big betrayal. Stop! All right, girl. That's part of our big betrayal. Stop! All right. Topics. Let's get into them. The latest trend on OnlyFans. I say latest. It's been going on for several months now.

TikTok. I'm a Libyan. OnlyFans. Well, I was right. The latest trend on TikTok. That's also a trend on TikTok, just promoting OnlyFans. Sure. Absolutely. It's been going on for a few months, but it's now just reaching the old. latest trend on tiktok um that's also a trend on tiktok just promoting only fans sure absolutely uh it's been going on for a few months but it's now just reaching the olds um it's called uh how

to hotwire or the kia hotwire the kia boys the hotwire boys any variation of that uh these guys the kia boys went on tiktok and they showed how you can hotwire Kias and Hyundais very, very easily. All you need is a USB cord. And they said, like, this is how you do it. Like, take this off. Plug this here. Plug that there.

Bingo, bongo. You got yourself a fucking new car. They all then proceed to hotwire the car and just crash it immediately. Like, we're talking like boom right into a tree right away like cutting in and out of intersections people hanging out the windows truly like genuinely reckless shit where it's like you guys are gonna die uh one of them was on a high speed chase the cops were like throwing out the fucking uh yeah yeah the the tire popping things uh and i don't know if he hit them because i saw this guy throw it out like two feet and the

car just went on the other side of the road but he crashed right into the median like right away these guys these kids have like no ability to drive cars just like boom taken out fucking just like right away driving down suburban streets high speed chases this one is crazy watch this one like right through the intersection that's just absolute madness get this bro the city of milwaukee this year alone has had look at these cars i mean they're fucking like demolished the city of Milwaukee had 10,000 stolen cars this year. Is that a lot? I don't know.

Actually, as I say that, I'm like, I don't know in comparison. But it's enough so that Milwaukee is thinking about suing Kia and Hyundai, being like, you made your cars this fucking easy to hotwire, and we have nothing but carjackings and crashings because of you guys. And then they went on TikTok. Why is it so big? Because kids are dumb. Are the Kia boys, no, but like why Milwaukee?

Are the Kia boys from Milwaukee? That I don't know. Maybe, probably. Yeah, could be. I like to think about TikTok perhaps turning this into a commercial. We talked about before how their commercials, they have like TikTok taught me, where it's like an educational platform.

Yeah. Yeah, like here's a hot white car, TikTok taught me where it's like educational platform. Yeah. Yeah. Here's a hot wire car. TikTok taught me. That's what's going on. And I think it's basically like kids see these things and they're like, well, now I must try this out. There's a lot of things I've learned on TikTok that I don't immediately go do, especially

when it's grand larceny. Like what? Just like these little kitchen things where it's like, you can use your spoon to do this instead. I'm like, that's cool, but I'm not going to do it. Yeah. Oh, you can actually open up the box this way instead of that way. And then, you know, I'm like,

when everybody found out that you can open up the TikTok box upside down, TikTok, if you open up a TikTok, you know how it opens up like that? Yeah. The top of the TikTok catches one. Who the fuck wants to do that? Yeah, and also, I learned that in middle school.

Right. TikToks really had a run for a while there. TikTok and also, I learned that in middle school. Right. So there are things like that. TikToks really had a run for a while there. TikToks were big when I was in middle school. Tic Tacs. Tic Tacs. Tic Tacs on TikTok. Tic Tacs are fucking gross. They are terrible.

Not the orange ones. The orange ones are the worst ones. Those are disgusting. Those are absolute trash. They are orange mints. Like, no, that's disgusting. That's vile. It's like a cool orange.

Oh, delicious. You are absolute garbage total fucking garbage uh so yeah the that's the big thing on tiktok right now everyone in gen z is like yo let's fucking steal a car crash it and get arrested there was another one suing suing fucking kia is almost feels like when the banks used to call you to be like, you don't have enough money in your account. I wish I had more. I know. It's like, I don't want this to happen. You guys made the car really easy to steal.

We would fucking, we didn't want that. It just happened. We were in an electory meeting being like, we got to make this thing easy to take. Right, boys? The last thing we want is our consumers to be happy. So if we can make the Kia boys make this as easy as possible for them, the USB cord should do the trick. Yeah, no, I mean, that's some bullshit. I hope that's not allowed.

That seems like garbage. But apparently one of them, this was kind of cool. One of the challenges was the kidnap challenge. And the goal was you kidnap yourself, you disappear. And the goal is to get your face on the news being like this boy has been kidnapped. Like to have it reach that level, your parents think that you're kidnapped. Yeah. They have submitted police pictures of you to the police. then you go surprise i got on i won the challenge and then

your parents murder you what what do you win nothing internet i internet like points i got 50 internet points my honor on the internet 50 honor credits go up there's gonna be a boy who cried wolf and the internet's coming hell yeah bro the fucking kidnap challenge is gonna be like yeah right dude he's fine and meanwhile he's in the basement somewhere getting fucked the second like somebody does this like that kid is up

for kidnapping for sure next the parents aren't gonna believe it oh absolutely second time yeah these are all these you know these dumb things where like you have your friends comment and say this and wear this in your next video if you're being kidnapped and then you disappear after that oh she wore a striped shirt and then she disappeared she really is being kidnapped and it's like well it was all a joke well i hope someone chops your head off that is no i like it i like it seeing as i don't have anyone in my life I really care about I get why

I get why you were like that's fucked up but no one would scare me right you'd be like this is cool cool dude no it is objectively impressive to take enough steps that law enforcement would be like this is a case

we have to look for this kid kids are dumb they would be like, this is a case. We have to look for this kid. Because kids are dumb. They would say, I'm kidnapped, but they would use their cell phone or use their card or get caught instantly. To pull this off, you have to have... You're Jason Bourne. How long...

Say we didn't have this job. How long... Yeah, let's say. Six months from now. How long do you think it would take for someone to think you've been kidnapped you went dark again me having kids like i check in a lot shit you know i just mentioned for you i think a week i was gonna say six days if i if i didn't hear from you for a week i'd be like like, you know, a couple days, I'd be like, that's normal. Like, several days, I'd be like, that might be a bender, but something might be wrong. And then, like, pushing a week, I'd be like, something's wrong.

Yeah. By then, the body is decayed or you're just stuffed in every hole. You're done. By seven days, you're gone. Yeah. The first 48? Dude, the first 48 were last week right you're on the basement of a barge getting shipped to the fucking middle east yeah

yeah gone by a week yeah i would i would not be it would not be noticed that i was missing in time to find though i remember uh what was it there was some uh there was some joke i remember saying i wanted to write a a joke of some sort but i think i saw it elsewhere but it wasn't fully fleshed out where you know when you're when you're when you're kidnapped they got to give your height and weight and i remember there was some it was it was almost like an arrested development joke being like she could never be kidnapped because they would have to put her weight on the screen, right? Because I feel like if you got kidnapped,

it would be a very sobering like, you know, well, nobody would. John's not getting sex traffic. If you got kidnapped, we would be able to save you after a week because you wouldn't be getting shipped to the Middle East because, come on.

I'd be in a basement. That's what I mean. I think I could win over a kidnapper, though. Oh, I think the exact opposite. I think the kidnapper would drop you back off. This guy snores way too loud. He farts. He has no control of his holes.

That's why we have to write a show. You'd be in the basement. Be like, get me some Sour Patch Kids on the way back, man. Like, don't worry. We're going to do season three of Naked and Afraid.

It's going to be great, man. Like whatever. He'd be like, he'd be like, I gave you a pee bucket. Why do you keep pissing your pants? That's accidental.

Too much, too much piss in the pants, man. That would, you would like mentally break a kidnap. I think I genuinely, he'd be on the phone with his boss being like, I mentally break a kidnapper. I genuinely think so. Or he'd be on the phone with his boss being like, I can't take this guy. He's too much.

It would be like Dumb and Dumber. They have like – Yeah, yeah, yeah. They think that they're experts because of how dumb they are. This guy's really hard. How did you know I was a gas man? How did you know I got gas? What a great movie. Oh, I got to tell tell this story it's perfect you bring that up oh yeah i uh i went to a wedding over the weekend two weeks ago

and there was this i actually i don't like to do this because usually i feel like if you tell stories about like famous people it's kind of like first of all you're lame second of all it's kind of rude to the other to the person like air out their story. But it's harmless, so I'm going to tell it. We went to a wedding, and there was this guy. He shows up in shorts, sneakers, tube socks, and on top he had a regular blazer and shirt. But the bottom half was just summertime living, man. And I was like, this fucking guy is a boss. One of those when you got a wedding at five, but pick up run at nine kind of deal.

Yes. It's also one of those things like what's something that a rich person and a poor person can do. It's like wear shorts to a wedding. I was like, this guy is somebody. And I could hear some people being like, why can you believe he's wearing shorts? I was like, this guy's wearing shorts because he's a fucking baller come to find out it's bobby farrelly from the farrelly brothers who wrote dumb and dumber there's something about mary um stuck on you stuck on you like he uh uh a couple more with jim carrey i think he has monster 90s

movies monsters yes that's the one. Along with his brother. His brother wrote Green Book and won the Oscar. So the Farrelly brother. He wrote, directed, and produced it. That might be their first movie. Outside Providence, I believe, is the Farrelly brothers joint. All their stuff's always in Rhode Island. Yeah, the very, very, very

New England. Well, actually, not in Rhode Island because Stuck Honey is the vineyard. But yeah, whatever. It's New England. I want to just get the exact... Because when you rattle through them, it's like, holy fucking shit. Dumb and Dumber, Dumb and Dumber 2, Hall Pass, Fever Pitch,

The Heartbreak Kid, Me, Myself, and Irene, The Three Stooges remake, whatever. There's Something About Mary. There's Something About Mary was like iconic comedy. Shallow Howl, Osmosis jones kingpin outside province yeah like they have they have the fucking movies who you calling a psycho

it's like my favorite dude i get that's like one movie club i can watch for eternity and laugh out loud every time that's also uh kingpin the the this gif one of of the most all-time used gifs ever. So I was texting with John, and I was like, Bobby Farrelly's at this wedding rocking shorts like a fucking boss. And I wanted to snap a picture of it. So at this point, we're moving from – this wedding had a dance floor downstairs, outside. So we were moving from an wedding had like a dance floor downstairs, outside. So we were moving

from an inside spot to downstairs. So there's not that many people around. And I have my phone out like I'm texting, kind of awkwardly holding it like this, taking a picture of Bobby Farrelly. And as I'm doing that, he's walking towards me. So I'm like, just trying to snap this picture. And then I realize

he's walking towards me. Like'm like just trying to snap this picture and then i realized he's walking towards me like it wasn't just a coincidence he's making eye contact with me and walking at me and i was like oh fuck and bobby farrelly comes up to me and is like i like your work i was like who gives a fuck about my work dude let's talk about your work he was like yeah you know you guys have been on like a pretty good hot streak or whatever and i was like you want to talk about hot streak yeah right let's talk about from 1994 to 1998 or whatever you know whatever the fuck he was uh awesome dude though just like unbelievable uh and i want to say we ended up talking about like the live golf tour and stuff like i like when those you know it's like we talked about work for like 35 seconds let me talk about normal things and he was uh he was just like yeah i'm a fan of

fan of you guys and like we ended up talking about golf and and live and like they um his they want to do a pro-am with his brother oh like his brother's getting live offers too crazy dude it's sick um that's gotta that's gotta be a great spot when you're not a golfer you're still getting live money. That's what I mean. They got cash all around. It's like, you should get into that, man. I'm going to take up golf. I'm going to get on the live tour.

Yeah, I'm one of the most popular OnlyFans accounting movies. You got to get this guy. But that was, it was funny to everybody I was with. That was, what else? What else had happened like just before that? At the wedding? Like I was like, have a day or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was it the Burt thing? Was it what? Was it the Burt clip maybe? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Burt had just put out the clip being like, we're the number one place for press. And then Bobby Farrelly comes up to me. But it was funny because, like I said, everyone was moving downstairs.

So my table was getting up and we were all going down together. And they realized what was happening. And it's almost like when your buddy is killing it with a girl and you're like, just leave, just leave, just leave. Because everybody just left me. And then when I went back down, they were like, so how was that? But what was funny was I guess some people saw what was happening and they were like, who was talking to who? And people were like, he went up to him. What is going on here? This is crazy.

So that was a highlight of my life, to be honest. If you ever told me that the guys who wrote Dumb and Dumber would be like, I like your work. That is insane. That is really nuts. I think the name's The Farrelly Brothers? No. No, is it? I think so.

I don't know well enough. That's definitely what I've called them my whole life. the Farrelly brothers? No. No, is it? I think so. No. I don't know well enough. That's definitely what I've called them my whole life. I mean, I've been calling them the Farrelly brothers my whole life. It's got to be Farrelly. Otherwise, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Why? Because I did that whole segment fucking saying their name wrong.

It's one of those I don't know well enough to correct you, but I've always said Farrelly, but I don't know it well enough to correct you, but I've always said Pharelli. But I don't know the answer. It does look like that with the fucking Pharelli. Fuck. Wait, wait. This is somewhere in between. Farrelly, brother.

Farrelly. Farrelly. You know what this is? This is the Mary, Mary, Mary thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say Farrelly. You say Farrelly. But Pharelly is different.

You need to find a late night clip. Yeah, that's exactly it. Farrelly. Farrelly? Okay, I think that's somewhere in between. both of us were good I just didn't want to totally butcher it it was also like

it was one of those things he was smoking he was like smoking a cigar at the end of the night hanging out and I wanted like one more crack at him

to be like I don't know if you fucking want to you know work with me or some shit like one more you know

and I never got the chance let me tell you about my own wingman real quick. All right, back to topics real quick. Frank Ocean. Do you like Frank Ocean? I perhaps jerks off to Frank Ocean. I will have there like sometimes like on my high fidelity playlist.

Occasionally a song will come on and I'll go god damn that's good what is this and it's always this one song from Blonde I forget what it's called is it like a song like Nike or something like that Nike's yeah every time I'm like oof that's a good fucking song but that's not the extent of my Frank Ocean very talented I compared him to

D'Angelo who was a guy back in the 90's who like people he said you know was like an R&B icon but he only made two albums his whole career. But I think he had drug problems or something. Frank Ocean, I think, is just sitting around not making music. He's doing other things. He's doing fashion and this line that we're talking about. But

his fans are starving for music, and he just doesn't. It's been seven years since his last album. I can't believe it's seven. He's only put out two in general. But he always makes headlines. He's in a very – he is in a coveted spot. I talk about like Manny being Manny when you're just out there being silly.

The other side of things, Justin Timberlake kind of did it. He never really put out many like albums. People who just like get the fame and then just never give you the thing again. Yeah. And you're just fiending for it and instead of like it's almost like manufacturing getting killed to be honest it's like everybody loves biggie because you know he was the best but if biggie was alive you'd have a couple duds like jay-z did you know what i mean but he rides off in the sunset not really he's dead but his music

is like forever iconic because that's all you get. Frank Ocean is just like, no, I'm not doing it. It's like, just pretend I'm dead. But everyone gets a notification that he has a new post on Instagram, I guess, that they have notice on. And people are freaking out, thinking Frank Ocean is dropping a new album. And instead, it's just a picture of his cock with a $25,000 cock ring on it. This is a golden. First good dick. Yes25,000 cock ring on it.

This is a golden. First good dick. Yes. First of all, good dick. The pixelation helps. The pixelation. You don't know exactly what's dick and what's just pixelated. The rumor, the prevailing thought is that it is his, in fact, his dick.

There's really no way to tell, I guess. The ring itself is not pixelated. It looks like, this is an extremely niche reference, but it looks like the crown on, in the Robin Hood, the Disney Robin Hood movie, the crown that the king wears. Extremely niche, but if you watch that movie,

you'll fucking be like, that's exactly what it is. But it's 25K. There's also one for 12,000 and one for like 2,000. It's called the XXXL H-Bone. Now here's my deal with this thing. I'll wear a cock ring. If I put that cock ring on...

Holy shit. That is dead on. Dead on, right? Fucking dead on. It's Little John. Not Little John. It's the King of... King John. King John. Prince John. Prince John. Whatever it is. That cock ring, exactly that. So much so that I think it was inspired by that.

If we put that cock ring on, it would be like a hula hoop. Well, it's got multiple sizes, right? I don't think it does. Because here's the deal. Everyone's dick isn't the same size as Frank Ocean's. Right, that's the problem. And that's not even saying his is massive or something like that. It's just like dicks are different. Also, I think a cock. And that's not even saying his is massive or something like that. It's just like, dicks are different.

Also, I think a cock ring. It's like, you have ring sizes. You've got to have cock sizes. A cock size, a cock ring, you have to be able to stretch and get off, too. Well, you've got to be able to. I would never put a metal cock ring on that. It doesn't, like, unlatch or something like that.

Yeah, like, what if I fuck it in hard, dude? You put it on, it gets hard, and then your penis is engorged. The next thing you know, you have to chop your penis off. Yeah. That's one of the most, I actually had this thought recently before Frank Ocean. I was thinking about that for some reason.

Why was I thinking about that? Probably just saw someone with a cock right now. And I was like, that's dangerous. That's a dangerous game to play. You're going to have to get it cut off or some shit like that. So you're wasting $25,000. It's got to have a clasp or something though, right?

It just has to. It really does not look that way but maybe that's part of the game bro bro you can imagine you walk around with twenty five thousand dollars on your on your dick and you're like i hope i don't go into a freezer today like i hope i hope i don't have to use a walk-in fridge today because guess what this fucking cock ring is gonna fall off any shrinkage see you later also the cheaper versions like if you were like yo i got what? This cock ring is going to fall off. Any shrinkage, see you later. Also, the cheaper versions, like if you were like,

yo, I got Frank Ocean's cock ring and you told me you got the one that was like $1,750, I'd be like, wait,

there's one for $1,700? Yeah, I think one $1,700, one is like $12,000, one's $25,000. It's all just a variation of diamonds. I'm not going to invest

five figures, but $1,700? I mean, absolutely, people will buy this to be like, the same people that are buying the Balenciaga trash bag but $1,700? I mean, absolutely, people will buy this to be like the same people that are buying the Balenciaga trash bag. That was $1,790. It's a trash bag. Yeah, I think things like this are actually not the dumbest idea.

I think shit like this is just fucking – it's like when fucking porn sites offer someone a contract. But I think people buy it, though. I think some people buy it, though. I think some people buy it, but I think largely this is a publicity thing. Agreed. What I loved is in the quote from the post, they linked to the Balenciaga website. It said, Balenciaga reps said, quote, this was inspired by a garbage bag. Yeah, we know. We know, dude.

Yeah, it's a garbage bag that's inspired by a garbage bag uh but yeah you're probably right they they it's like they actually they get you to look at their lookbook yeah right of all the other shit while they're holding the bag it's like oh okay but it but it but make no mistake this is not like uh this is not like oh it's uh it's actually like a satchel it's like no no this, no, no. This is a fucking garbage bag. So shout out to Balenciaga. I know this. Calfskin leather. Yeah. And it has like a little subtle logo on it.

But it's just like a hefty bag. Unreal. It's a great move. I like that. And then some people will wear it. And some people will be called an asshole for it. But some people will be like, you don't even have the Balenciaga trash bag. It's also like –

It's a good bag. Because it's so popular, it is a cool way to be like – You've all seen it. So if I roll in with one, you're like, John has a $2,000 bag. Also, if I could throw my shit in a garbage bag rather than – You know my luggage situation, right? If I had a garbage bag – Yeah, I've seen you use an actual garbage bag.

If I could use one that's reusable, it's not going to rip and make me look poor. It's actually going to make me look rich. I've got to get this back. Yeah, yeah. All right, last thing. I don't even. Can I say something while we're doing topics?

I thought that, and this is so weird because I was not invested in this couple at all. I thought the Kim and Pete thing was a nightmare I had. Them getting broken, them breaking up. You woke up and you're like, oh, thank God. I woke up and I was like, God, I feel like I heard that Kim and Pete Davidson broke up last night. And then at like 6 p.m. I saw on Twitter someone referenced it. That long? I was like, wait, it was real? Oh my god, no, not that. That is very funny.

I also, when Kelly Keegs was like, I really thought they were going to make it, that was the most not going to make it couple of all time. It's Kim and Pete. What they do is not make it. That's what they do, is have relationships that end. I mean, there was no chance. That is also make it that's what they do is is have relationships that end i mean there was

no chance that is also why it's like that was the also the biggest like my sisters are dating tall skinny white boys with tattoos and i need one too and then she had her fun with it and was like i'm gonna go date like who was the other one it was uh travis parker and uh and then megan fox and and uh that's sisters but they were all hanging out. I like that. One of the viral pictures or memes of Megan, Courtney, MGK, and Travis Barker. And the caption is just, when the waitresses date the kitchen staff. Yeah, exactly that. And yeah, then Kim dipped her toe in it

and she was like, I'm going to go back to fucking professional athletes. See you later, dude. But yeah, and then right away, Kanye with the Instagram post. He said like Skeet Davidson dead at like August. Oh, I saw that.

That was his post, so he went right back to it. Still beat, though. Still. You know, it's all. Yeah, there's Keith Davidson dead at the age of 28. It's it's pretty like I would say. Remember the the infamous hilarious. This is a Fox News article.

Fox News. Here's what Kanye West post on Instagram last night. The when George Costanza figured out that having a dead fiance is the greatest. Fox News. Here's what Kanye West posted on Instagram last night. When George Costanza figured out that having a dead fiance is the greatest place, I think I dated and fucked Kim Kardashian for a while. You want to talk about

bounce back? There's not a girl alive that is like, oh, I won't date you now. You know what I mean? There's not one that thinks they're better than you. Kim will fucking date you. I mean't date you now. You know what I mean? There's not one that thinks they're better than you. Yeah, yeah. Kim will fucking date you. You could date anybody. But I mean, Pete already had, I mean, Kim, yes. Yes, but I think this is like the mega nail in the coffin.

Like, this is the one. Last thing, Alex Jones was ordered to pay $49 million, $4 million in compensatory, $45 million in punitive damages to just one of the families of Sandy Hook. Are they all suing him? I think so. So I think they're just going to go down the line here.

I don't know. I'm not sure. I thought that was maybe like a class action thing with all the parents, but they kept citing just this one couple. I think there was probably worse damages. I think some people lost their jobs. Some people had worse mental breakdowns like uh some people were harassed more so i don't know if if every family is suing and if they are

they're probably like this this this couple was looking for 150 million so they might have different levels and maybe some i could see some of them being like i don't want to even sue i just don't want to be a part of this so what you know whatever but even if it's just this one couple even it being 150 million like a 50 million dollar punishment is is gonna put a fucking i'm sure i would hope that you know what i would have thought the same thing but they said he says he's bankrupt which is the judge so that what i think what is the true really the darkest part of this well no the darkest part of this is treating you know parents who lost children like they're fucking crisis actors but i think what we've learned is that when you get canceled or they

come for you whatever you get deplatformed but you rally like your fan base even more than ever so these guys cry about like i can't be on youtube but and then they cry i think he was trying to say on rogan that trying to keep info wars running by paying all the fees to like keep your own servers running or whatever that fucking internet shit is like i don't i don't make a lot of money and it's like fuck you you are a lying piece of shit yeah they said that when this all started he moved 65 million dollars out of an account so like suck my dick you were making money then you're making money now you're crying poor because you know of this i think he elected to not just go with the like the tucker carlson like it's no one would genuine no one

would ever believe this is true yeah i think he like tried to actually like fight it and that's why he lost and is making usually i think tucker settled out of court for like far less because of it right he like fought it i think that was an argument that like fox news made in court it was like no one believes this right there's news right i think he tried to fight it went to went to the like through the trial or whatever through the decision i don't know if these are the right terms, obviously, but and then ordered to pay $45 million. And it's probably, you know, still not enough and no money can help it. But if it does like put a, you know, if it does ruin him professionally, like fucking good.

And I just got to say, I did one minute man on it. And I always get hate and I always get comments about cheating. But the fact like the overwhelming response to that was like this is attacking freedom of speech they're gonna come for other content creators next and you

cheated you can't talk about this that the internet has disappointed me a lot that was one of the most disheartening moments I've ever had on the internet there was definitely some comments of like fuck Alex The internet has disappointed me a lot. That was one of the most disheartening moments I've ever had on the internet. That's crazy. There was definitely some comments of like, fuck Alex Jones. But the top comment, like 10,000 likes on our Instagram was like, I called him morally bankrupt at one point.

And they were like, you're calling someone morally bankrupt when you cheated on your wife. I was like, we are now putting having an affair on the level Everyone cheats on this. Very few people make millions of dollars off saying Sandy Hook is a fake. We're having an affair versus harassing the parents of dead children

for years to the point that they were losing jobs, needing to move, losing their minds. Those are on the same level now. And I know it's just comments, and I know it's stupid, but it was like... And then people being like,

this sets a bad precedent for what you guys do. If we are ever even remotely close to that content, deplatform me, and you can have all my money. On what realm are we close? There's no comparison. Everyone just loves saying, slippery slope. No, it's not. No, it's not.

We are on different slopes, bro. We are on different slopes. I'm on the blue square. He's on the double black diamond, man. We are on different mountains. We are not on the same slope. Slippery slope is such a catch-all. I don't really know what I'm talking about, so I'll just say it's a slippery slope.

Right, right, right. And same thing with the cheating thing. It's like, I don't have an argument, but I will just say this is something else that you did that has nothing to do with this current topic um but like i really thought that if there's one thing we could agree upon it's that you know the parents of dead kids should get to be like fuck you to the guy who told them to their faces you're not real you're this is fake you're an actor like i mean i wish it was more criminal i wish he he was going to jail for it. But there's just the bottom of the

barrel. I can't believe that there are people who defend it. But I mean, I guess that's the internet for you. Constantly disappointing. So this is saying he is worth, it's estimated that he's personally worth $40 million. But then if he's able to dip into the money from

the Infowars money like there's 270 million they estimated the company's worth 130 to 270 million last year alone InfoWars they sell like tactical gear I guess for like people they said they made 60 million off of that and that he had 60 million in his own account so fuck you

and fuck anybody who supports it it's wild that there was even like the people are like well Alex Jones was right about other things fuck you and fuck anybody who supports it it's it's wild that there was even like the people are like well alex jones was right about other things like you know what he was there really was he uncovered some bad shit he was right about epstein he was right about bohemian grove that's all true uh don't care like do that this is not a uh a balanced thing like well he was right about epstein but he was wrong about sandy hook like that that can't that cancels out no no you had a conspiracy theory that was proved true you were also a like horrific person to the parents of murdered kids so who again like got fucking massacred dude like they're

they had to probably id their bodies of their kids with like missing heads and then you come along and say like it's not real and have your gang of fucking fans like attacking them there's no but to that I agree with that did you see the clip of him in court realizing that

his lawyer oh that was the other thing so the way that they won this case was it is one of the most best examples of karma of all time. They – the defense team – or no, it's not even defense. Alex Jones' lawyers accidentally sent – and I'm honestly – I'll have my conspiracy theory up here. That's too big of an accident. Yeah.

I don't know if that's a lawyer being like, I don't want to defend this motherfucker anymore. I don't know if that's someone who just like snuck in there and did it. Or if it was just like, you've got the worst fucking lawyers. But they sent two years worth of text messages to the attorneys of the parents. And the lawyer grilling him being like, I have two years of text messages. And he's like, what? And then he's like, so do you know what perjury means? We know that you're lying. Imagine walking into the courthouse that day. and he's like, what? And then he's like, so do you know what perjury means? He'd be like,

we know that you're lying. Imagine walking into the courthouse that day. Yeah, lawyer. Thinking you're like, oh. Dude, I have the bomb of all bombs. I mean, literally

the bomb of all bombs. When I stepped up right there, I had my dick out fucking Frank Ocean cock ring. And guess what? It wasn't coming off because I was fucking stiff and so bored.

I don't think he did a good enough job with the delivery to be honest. I think he was probably doing it more like this isn't Hollywood. This is real life. And I just need to get to the point. But I would have been like. I'd be strutting around the floor. Like whatever you call that. Absolutely.

Let me tell you a story, folks. I would have been asking him questions. I would have let him lie about everything and then be like, bam. And that's probably not how it's done but he was like it was like some legit like uh uh like looney tune shit he was like that's all folks and then that was the judge like you understand you have to tell the truth up here right because he had said he never texted about sandy right and it's like here it is dude and then yeah he tried to be like well but you know uh he said something like but like he moved to you he's like no no these are other ones and then he tried to say something about

like like jeffrey epstein talking about jeffrey epstein things like no no talking about this you dumb fucking asshole so but it also is it brought to light one of my other favorite Alex Jones courtroom moments. Because people were like, if you think that's crazy, that's not the craziest thing that Alex Jones has said in a courtroom before. What was it? Dude, during his divorce hearings, he said

that he couldn't remember basic facts about his children because, and I quote, I had a big bowl of chili for lunch. Now that makes me like Alex Jones. Fuck. And you know it just in that voice too. Here's the problem, Your Honor.

I had a big bowl of chili. I can't remember my kids' names because I had a big bowl of chili. According to the attorney for Kelly Jones, ex-wife of the infamous radio host, Alec Jones said he couldn't remember basic facts about his children during a deposition because he had a big bowl of chili for lunch. That's so crazy. I think it's being honest.

It's obviously not true, but I think in his brain. He's still sweating. I think in his brain. I think absolutely. That. He's still sweating. I think in his brain. I think absolutely. That was his voice. He's chilling. In that moment, I think I really believe him. He was like, fuck.

Wait, no, wait, let me see. What grade your kids are in is, that is absolutely a question. How old are his kids? When Keegan is like I'll be sitting there thinking like is he a sophomore or a junior and if I had a heavy lunch you know ages 9 through 14 so if you've got

three kids and one of them is in third grade one of them is in fifth grade and one of them is in eighth grade you might be like man I don't know your honor and then you're sweating and your stomach hurts you're like ah far enough i think i think one's in seventh grade and they're like no they're not it's like fuck i thought i i was i'm trying here your honor i had a big bowl of chili what a piece of shit man what an absolute piece of shit now that remembering that thing that quote has reminded me that today is the anniversary

of 2004. One of the greatest moments ever that I just learned about. Dude, I don't know if people know about this. No, they don't. Because if I don't know about this,

a lot of people do, no doubt. Especially for a long time ago. A long time ago. And if I don't know about it, and we know everything on the internet, there's a lot of people who don't know about this.

In 2004, Dave Matthews Band dumped shit all over a sightseeing tour in Chicago. And in the river. So basically all over the city of Chicago. I will read you the excerpt from the court case. As the bus traveled over the bridge, the contents of bus's waste tank were released through the drain at the bottom of the bus and were discharged down through the grating onto the bridge deck into the Chicago River and onto the sightseeing tour boat. Dozens of passengers on the sightseeing tour boat were doused with the liquid human waste. The passengers included persons with disabilities, senior citizens, a pregnant woman, a small child, and an infant.

You fucking hit for the cycle. You hit them all. You hit them all. On people you can't dump shit on. Honestly, if that was a bachelor party and it was just a bunch of dudes, it's still gross, but it'd be like, I don't know. This is women, children, disabled people. See, obviously, a couple of people who stormed Normandy here. Oh yeah, absolutely. Veterans. A pregnant woman, a small child, and an infant.

You touch them all! The liquid human waste was brownish yellow in color and had a foul offensive odor. The liquid human waste went into passengers' eyes, mouths, hair, and, wait, excuse me? 800 pounds on 120 tourists. I did not realize it was 800 pounds. How you have 800 pounds on 120 tourists I did not realize it was 800

how you have 800 pounds of shit that is a tour bus's worth we haven't emptied it since New York bro I fucking did the grit tour I did fucking bus in with busboy Benny and shit like that

we emptied it every day there were 5 of us we were fucking idiots remember the video of Hank puking so good so fucking good it's all time now he like runs

the company Hank yeah it's hilarious but it is that's an all time 800 pounds I was thinking like honestly God

I was reading that court thing and I was kind of being like they're overreacting a little bit 800 pounds but exactly because I thought it was just like a fucking this dab is just unbelievable why are you wearing a batman shirt uh we all we the like part of it was the um

you have to shop at a uh yeah uh yeah that that's a great grit week moment too this is really where I think it began for you the puking probably is my first oh that nut tap was so hard too it was too hard if you do a freeze frame of when I'm puking it is such a wide

not this one this is a different puke a lot comes out here too oh look at that dude that is so much puke at least it's like just milk yeah i mean that milk went right down right back up and when you do that like like were you hung over and shit or really if you just if you're doing physical activity with milk it's just your body's just like nope not happening yeah i think it was just no i don't think we were i don't think we really partied that hard like until you just can't do a mile and drink milk it's not possible yeah and you're supposed to do a gallon yeah that's crazy we just did half a gallon you can do half a gallon half an hour and then you'll puke still it's like oh right an hour yeah yeah it's an hour

for drinking so it really doesn't have anything to do with the the activity at all it's just the timing yeah you guys just added the running to it. I honestly think my brother could for sure do the milk challenge. I thought I could until this. Until you started and your body's just like, nope. No. It's probably just because about levels and shit, not even stomach. It's just like we can't have this much base or acid or whatever the fuck it is.

All right, voicemails, and then we'll get into our interview with uh joe coy today's voicemails are brought to you by cortina health pass me some of that every every time we do cortina we're gonna do some of this uh what's it called there john it's like the rehydrate this is the custom healing cream healing cream we're gonna do healing cream every single uh ad read and every single morning yeah i'm gonna put that on the on the forehead there i definitely got a little sunburn this weekend so i need to heal it up i got a little sun this weekend too not a burn though um and then uh i did get complimented my skin twice this weekend bro you're doing the cortina health it is it's because it is the greatest comment i've ever

seen in my life on your skin yeah it is hands down because think about it it's like you have a nice face right like people just saying your face is nice which is the most important thing and this is coming from a guy who like you have a nice face. Right. People are just saying your face is nice, which is the most important thing. And this is coming from a guy who used to never even wash his face. And now all of a sudden he has healthy enough skin that people are stopping him on the street to say it looks nice. And it's all because of Cortina where you can get monthly shipments for $39.99 delivered right to your door. You get evaluated by a board-certified dermatologist. They look at your skin. They talk to you.

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up, start looking healthy and young, and it'll go so far, dude. If you think about it, people who work out, people who diet, everything's to look good, none of it really matters if you have an ugly old face. So you do all that stuff, and do this on good. None of it really matters if you have an ugly old face. So you do all that stuff and do this on top. Like Jim Leland.

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Jim Leland likes baseball so much he made his face in that. What's up, KFC gang? A couple episodes ago, you guys were talking about cow's milk and whether or not... This guy looks like he should be on Yellowstone. ...different colors. I can assure you, seeing a red and black cow's milk at one point, it's all white. Sorry to break it to you. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I'm going to believe this guy from the milk industry. Big milk out here? That's exactly what they want you to think. A guy who wears a hat like that, he's lying about milk 10 times. 10 times out of 10, man. I mean, that is crazy. That is like, oh, in order to show you that health care is an overpriced, listen to this doctor.

Fucking no thanks. I show you that healthcare is an overpriced, listen to this doctor. Fucking no thanks. I bet you that comes out. Fucking taste the rainbow, bro. Dude, red? Yellow, green, pink, orange. Red cow? Roy G. Bill. I've heard of strawberry milk, bro.

Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen it before. Also, that's not a red cow. That's a red cow. That is not red, dude. I got fucking eaten alive this weekend. Oh, my God. Scratching it? How good does that feel, though? Not red, dude. I got fucking eaten alive this weekend. Oh, my God. Scratching it?

How good does that feel, though? Not good, dude. Somebody said the other day that they like getting mosquito bites. Was that Jackie? Somebody at Barstool said, I like it because then you get the scratching. I know Dave agreed with him. I forget. Crazy, dude.

What? That is crazy. That is nuts. Would you rather be sunburned or bit all over? Sunburned. Me too. For sure. People who can't deal with a sunburn are a bit all over? Sunburned. Me too. For sure. People who can't deal with a sunburn are a bunch of pussies.

I one time had sun poisoning. I was in the Bahamas. Everybody gets that once. If you get that twice, you are reckless. I was so sunburned I couldn't have lights on in the room. Like any sort of light. It was like the blinds were drawn, lights were off. I had one friend who would come in and rub me down with aloe once every three hours.

Did you get boils and bubbles and shit? Not that bad. There was one on the Barstool account that it was a bubble that was filled with so much water, it was like sagging on his skin. Like imagine like a water balloon. I don't know if I know that. That I don't understand. Like the people who go on spring break,

like white people from the Midwest who go down to like the equator, and then I guess they just don't put like sunblock on or don't think it's real. And it's like you're going to die, dude. Like your body cannot handle this. You are too white for this. And then they get boils all over. It's just like, well, now your's just like well now your week is ruined now your life is ruined yeah your skin is ruined forever now dude i was in like going through a third like if you get burned in a fire

and it's like second degree third degree burns like that's what happens on the sun if it gets too harsh you get like a second degree burn i was in fifth grade and like this is absolutely on my friend's dad for trusting a fifth grader to be like i'm in the water like oh it'll be fine and we were in a water park for eight hours. I looked like a reptile. I had bubbles everywhere. The doctor was like, if you get sunburned again, you're probably going to get skin cancer.

That's the problem. You really fuck your skin for life. The bubbles make you look like you're a freak. That's the main thing. I'm too vain to walk around with bubble skin. There was this guy I used to go to with Chili's right next to the World Financial Center when I was at Deloitte.

There was this guy I can't even talk about. Remember Tree Man? That guy I can't even... I start thinking about him and I literally get the chills. I get the goosebumps just thinking about his skin.

And this guy didn't have the bark, but he had, oh God, look at that. I can't even think about it. He had bubbles that were not like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, he had the bubbles all over to the point that like, I wanted to like take a knife and be like, and like get them. And he just sat at the Chili's bar all alone. It was very sad because obviously no one's going to, you know. And he just drank.

But if we went there and the bubble man was there, I left. I would always be like, I got to go, guys. I can't be around him. His skin looked like these bubbles. It was disgusting, dude. I was like, but I felt so bad for him. But I also was like, can't be in the same room as you. Next voicemail from Goldberg here.

What's up, KFC Fights? So I was on this little road trip, and I had to stop and get some gas, go to the bathroom, do your usual stuff. And I come back to go fill up my car, and I get done, and I hear this noise, and I'm like, it sounds like something's dripping, and I'm like, I think my car's leaking.

It's like, this is crazy. Next thing you, and I'm like, it sounds like something's dripping. And I'm like, I think my car's leaking. I was like, this is crazy. Next thing you know, I look over. This old guy has his dick out just pissing straight on the side where you get your gas. I was like, holy cow. I thought to myself, this is nuts. And he looked up, and he said, sorry, I'm 68 and got a prostate. And I just kind of froze and just got my card left. So I was wondering if you guys had a scenario where you've just been blank and kind of frozen, didn't know what to say.

What should I have said? I don't know about that. I mean, I do know like John does the same thing every day where he pisses his pants and just says, I don't know. It's because I piss my pants. I do piss my pants. John pisses – let me see your pants today right now. Let me see them now. Is there a stain?

Yeah. Like they dried up today, but there was a pee stain. You'll see it on the KFC Radio vlog. It will be out later this week. He always tells me when he does too much dribble after he pees, and every time I say, that's too much, man. And this was way more than too much. It is, but we got to the bottom of it. He doesn't shake off enough.

If you're looking for someone to blame about how, with the regularity with which I piss my pants, don't come knocking on my door. Go talk to Benji and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte, because they had a song called The Anthem, where they sing, shake it once, that's fine. Shake it twice, that's fine. Shake it twice, that's okay.

Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself. And I got a fucking... Complex? I got a complex about it. So I didn't want to... Shame me for being the guy who doesn't want to masturbate in bathrooms like public bathrooms. Sure. I'll fucking carry that burden.

I'm the guy who's not jerking his dick over by the urinal. I fucking shake it twice. I put it away. Yeah, that's not enough. Two shakes. You know, legitimately does this is my son Keegan. He is five years old. And sometimes I watch him pee and he goes, I'm done.

And he puts it in. And I'm like, we were. It's like the last bit is still hitting the water. And he's like, I'm done, and puts it away. He's five. I'm very much – And he has less drippage than you. A guy who, when I'm done with something, I'm done with it. Yeah, like, you know what this is?

You know what this is? The rest of us, we're the Italians at the restaurant. Yes, yeah, yeah. We want to talk after the meal's done. Get me the bill done get me the bill you're the get me the bill guy I gotta get out of here

we're done we're done the difference the difference is though is that piss is still coming out of your dick that's the difference it's like

I get severe check anxiety let's go get me out of this restaurant I hate it we have to get up within four minutes of the plate being cleared

I'd be gone but if somebody told me that if sitting with showers I'm done with the shower process I just put my clothes on and I'm still soaking wet yeah that is crazy too

it's like these are things where you just need to if somebody told me if you leave this restaurant right now you'll have piss in your pants I would wait a little bit longer

I would wait one second longer because that's all it takes but you're gonna you're gonna hear you're blaming good Charlotte yeah I mean again

go talk to fucking Cameron Dia to hear you're blaming good Charlotte. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, go talk to fucking Cameron Diaz, his husband. Speaking of good Charlotte, uh, Nikki hammer went tits out for the boys on stage. Oh yeah. He popped the top off. Oh yeah.

Uh, PFT shots of him just fucking ripping the base with his shirt off. Yeah. Uh, PFT and Robbie took their shirts off for the encore and I was up there and like, you're about to play a truly madly deeply. and I was like, oh, yeah, fuck this. You got to be, yeah.

Did you have your guitar on? No, because the first one was going to be piano. Because it's got to be awkward to be like, I got to take my guitar off, then take my shirt off. I've done it enough where even that, you just go from the sleeve, and you rip it right off and pull it through. Got it. Look at that.

Look at that. Look at that. Yeah, baby. A fucking man. That's a man. Ham fam had a hell of a night. Oh, yeah. The fact that my brother got sniped and Dave posted a photo of White Sox Dave being like, I saw White Sox Dave outside the bar trying to pick up some people, implying that he's

trying to pick up these dudes. And it was my older brother. No way, really? Yeah, I could tell from the back of him, and then, like, right next to him was my brother's best friend, Pullman. Wait, what was Dave's caption? Pulling, yeah, what does that mean? Pulling, obviously. Dude, like, so,

did you just fart again? No, no, no. I mean, I'm all for making fun of White Sox Dave at all times. You can't talk to a guy outside a bar with someone taking a picture being like, Dave's trying to fuck these guys. Is that what he's saying? I'm guessing what he's saying is, no, maybe, I don't know.

I don't know what the, I don't know. Well, he was pissed off at White Sox Dave for the fact that the Elton John thing, where he's like, I'll get back to you. White Sox Dave is claiming is a Dave Portnoy lie. Like, that's not how it went down. But also. Dave doesn't lie, but sometimes those things do get lost in translation. Kev, I did want to get your opinion on this. My brother's shoe wear. Crocs?

Oh, yeah. Let's go. Crocs at the bar smoking cigs outside. Crocs at the outside with the cigs is, if I could send that over to my boys, Foley and Kippy, trash. Trash. I think they've missed the word up. Pulling up?

Pulling up outside. Okay. Like, I'm leaving, Dave's just showing up. Oh, okay. That's a guess. I have no idea. Because if it's like, look at him trying to pull, like, I don't know, that's a fucking weird leap. You can just talk to guys outside of a bar.

White Sox Dave contends that that whole elton john thing was not what it was uh purported to be by dave i saw the email i can see i didn't see the emails i didn't i don't know all i all i know is that like that very rundown that we did was an example of what happens with dave dave said to blattman i can do 3 p.m yes and blattman took that to mean we're doing a rundown at three i think anybody would do that yeah. And Blattman took that to mean we're doing a rundown at 3. I think anybody would do that. Yeah. Dave was like, I meant that to mean I can do 3 p.m. on other days but not today. So that's where Dave sometimes in his own head is like, I'm right.

And it's like, well, that's not a normal reaction. It was the email from Dave to everyone. It was like, it said, I can see Dave's confusion, White Sox's confusion. It was like, the last line was like, currently only one ticket

or something like that. Okay. And Dave meant only one ticket per person. But, so Dave saw someone reply saying I'm in. And he's like,

that's it. He's like, that's it. Only one ticket. I'm going to pull up exactly because it is like, I think I'm going to. When Dave Portnoy confronted Dave, White Sox Dave, when Dave Portnoy confronted

White Sox Dave, White Sox Dave said, I was going to get back to you. I just didn't. So like he kind of shot himself in the foot there. The reaction should have been, what are you talking about? I thought there was only one ticket that got claimed. Here it is.

The email said from Dave, Patty and Molly will be at River North Saturday night. Friday, I got a suite for Elton John for them. Let me know who wants to go. Currently, just one ticket until I know what we have left. That would just be confusing because I'd be like, why are you emailing this whole chain

if there's only one ticket? But I would... I don't know. Yeah, I'm kind of with White Sox Dave where I just don't even know what I fucking would say there. Yeah. Like currently just want,

but what I probably would do is write back and be like, wait, I would just, I would have just said something like, you know, is there, is there room for me? Uh,

yes. Yeah. I feel like white socks. Dave's in the spot though. If he tries to ask a clarifying question, that's why, that's probably why Dave didn't write anything. And it's just like in,

in this world forever, there is the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. And White Sox Dave is Wile E. Coyote, and Dave Portnoy is the Roadrunner. You will forever lose. There is no way he will ever beat him, or Dave will think that he's right or whatever. So you just accept it and move on.

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The numbers, I don't even know how they make money. It's OmahaStakes.com. Search KFC in the search bar. Last one. What do we got hey guys so what did you guys think about the most dangerous game show personally i thought tommy smokes big old pussy all he did was drink a few bug smoothies those were the only two challenges he won and all the other challenges act like a little bitch in them so i was just wondering how you guys feel about it still do not think tommy smoke should have won he might

have got a few people out but all the other like any other challenge didn't do anything let me know this is not a subjective game this is is a you add up the votes. If you win, you win. There's no I don't think he should have won. I hate to admit it. Tommy Smokes, he went from alarmingly stupid. He's a Yankee fan weasel. He's a dork. He's a nerd. He is unstoppable

at Barstool Challenges. He won Surviving Barstool Season 1. He won the Dozen Challenge. He won Barstool America. He won Lowering dozen challenge. He won Barstool America. He won blowing the bar, blowing the bar. He won this one. He he's, he's like, he's like Jordan. I mean, he's one, he's like five for five in the finals.

You can't, you can't knock a guy when he gets continually gets it done. And I'm, I'm the type of dude who like, I will, especially with the Yankee fans, I will spin zone this till the bitter end. I will like, I'll tell you why you don't deserve it. I'll tell you why you're a end. I'll tell you why you don't deserve it. I'll tell you why you're a loser. I'll tell you why it doesn't count. Asterisk whatever. Then it's like Brady. Eventually you're like, well, he did it again for the fifth fucking time

in like two calendar years. I mean, now he does shit like this where he dances around. Did he really win? Did he really win if you have that on camera? Did he really win? What was that other one where he dances around like you know did he really win did he really win if you have that on camera did he really win what was that other one where he goes it's so big oh that clip that one you know oh my god it's so thick yeah would i would i say that he still might have lost because those are on the internet now forever yes but as far as that clip is fucking all time it's so big

so thick and the voice cracks and everything who tweeted that it's so thick is that what the tweet said though it was no

that's what I mean I don't think the video said it it said like another Tommy soundbite or something like that I retweeted it

when were we in LA last week. Two weeks ago. I don't tweet that often anymore. I can get there. Because those are the things like, you know, yeah, he might not look the coolest. Also knowing, here's the thing that is insane.

Here is the thing that is insane. For this one, the most dangerous game, which we know is very similar to other voting off shows that we've all watched before. I said surviving Barstool season one, he should have been voted off right away. Just,

we've talked about this before, just knowing that he loves this, this game show and it would make him happy and he's good at it. That's why you team up and you vote him off because of spite to let him win again, to let him get past the first round again is insane. Let alone get all the way to the finals. And I think I figured it out what it is,

especially hosting surviving barstool play it, play it for the people. I think I'd rather not have the $10,000 and... I think this one was like $25,000, wasn't it? That's a good chunk of money. Here's a good Would You Rather. Would You Rather, you get $25,000, but

this soundbite is forever on the internet of you. Oh my god, it's dick as fuck! Dick as fuck! I legit think that I would I hadn't heard that holy shit you know what

I think maybe now I can spin it I think he lost I think he lost the contest by that being out on the internet now I have lost that clip

I think I'm taking at least 30k here it is like oh my god it's thick as fuck. Oh, my God, it's thick as fuck. But here's the thing with Tommy. This is why I ultimately really, really love Tommy,

and I think he's one of the best personalities here. He is one of the only people I know, especially here at Barstool, who is 100% confident in himself, where he'd be like, yeah, I don't know, my voice cracked, and I, it's thick as fuck. Cause I'm a weirdo. I got a little touch of the tism and I'm a little weird, but I always win and I'm funny. So I love like, he wouldn't even, this wouldn't even embarrass him.

He's just like, yeah, another day of being Tommy. Also like to defend him. Oh my God. It's thick as fuck. To defend him for one of the challenges. I haven't gotten to see the whole series, but the one where he had to be submerged in a tank and he like lost it was it was like pretty much a coin toss to figure out who would get less room for air in theirs it had more water filled in it

bro he had barely any my heart's racing just as you tell me that i'm not doing any of that and he's like in a small like coffin sized container that is full of water. He has to go scoop keys out and then bring his mouth to the top and he just said, fuck this. I'm losing this challenge. I'm just holding on and I'm breathing because and bro, I would never ever get in a tank like that.

I'd be like, you guys are idiots. You might fuck this up. Yeah. Yeah. I don't trust any Barstool production that they would like do the latch right or you know, I would not do that. That that is a crazy one i would not get in anything like that it was straight up like watching i was insanely like anxious yeah like literally you're just telling me that i'm like i think i'm getting something so yeah something weird's happening my old age with with claustrophobia i get weirded out by it now but i would not even consider fucking around with any of that i'm not eating eating the bugs. I'm not drinking the shakes.

I'm not doing the coffins. That one's a lot. That's a lot. And 25K is nice. The bugs I would not be able to do. No. No, I wouldn't be able to do any of it, but that's what's impressive is he's not good at this shit, and he tricks all these people into fucking voting for him. What I have learned in hosting it, I think what's infuriating to the viewer is you're

like, how could you not vote for him? All these people, Jackie's going to go through it too right now when especially if you do it and if you you know these are fun like week-long ones at barstool if you do like six weeks uh on these things you go through like a uh an event with uh it's a shared experience so even like in a short amount of time i remember last time brianna was like i hate tommy but i respect how like the game that he played and as a viewer you're like who fucking cares but as a player it's like you come to respect each other and you realize you all went through this crazy thing and we all suffered and we all went through backstabbing and then you then you like

vote out of you know like you're not voting from a viewer point of view you're voting from a like i respect you point yeah and but as a viewer you can't like that doesn't compute because you're like who fucking cares but if you were in the game and you were out in the woods with them for weeks you'd be like uh you know tommy deserves it but it's like no remember who you were when you before you went to the woods like remember that because that i don't think that it doesn't compute between contestant and viewer but the fact that he just keeps on winning and he's so smart to retire i would never do anything again i can't believe you even did like this one i would have been like no no i already won one of these i'm gone you know and the fact that he got blockhead and sass to vote for him is like insane.

It was, it was like, I think it was a little bit of luck too, but it was like dummy one and dummy two. We're like, well, I'm going to vote for Tommy. Cause there's no way he'll win. Yeah.

That's it. Vote for the guy. You don't want to win. Yeah. What the fuck? It was like, they were so convinced. This is what I'm talking about.

They were so convinced that nobody else would vote for Tommymmy that they were like i'll vote for him he'll only get one or two votes because no one's voting for him but all of those people were like i respect him you know that's why he secretly how many votes did he get a bunch of people you need to get four and he got like you know two over there and then two from that he got like two from the crowd and then two from the people who were still in the game. That is crazy. Morons. Blockhead galore. Alright, let's get into our interview. It's with Joe Coy, who is, you want to talk about no losses,

just stays winning. Joe Coy, he's selling out arenas all around the world. He's now got a major motion picture, wheeling and dealing with Steven Spielberg. I mean, the guy is on top of the world right now and basically becoming like a cultural icon for his people. So this interview with Joe Coy is brought to you by Phops.

I'm starving. It's actually time to crack open some more Phops. We did it again. We did it again We did it again That was one of my favorite things ever You just getting cracked in the head With a bag of fucking fups It was crazy how Jackie

I got cheddar when you want Yeah baby that's my favorite Yeah baby There's also sour cream and onion I prefer the cheddar They got the I like to think of these as desserts These are snacks Yeah, baby! There's also sour cream and onion. I prefer the cheddar. They got the... I like to think of these as desserts. These are snacks.

Sour cream and onion and cheddar and salt and vinegar. And then these are the desserts, which are cinnamon toast and hot chocolate. These are always in the office now, always in the studio. And I just annihilate them. I always say I feel so bad for their ad reads because I'm always eating when I do them. Which is a testament to the product. I was going to say, that's exactly what they want. You know what I like about them too?

They have sometimes other puffs that I've eaten, other brands, it's like I'm chewing air. I'm like, is this even a snack? There's a little something to this. A little substance where you're chewing on it. It's not healthy.

Right. This is not some healthy snack. Like, eat these, and you only have, like, two calories. No, no. These are just regular-ass snacks that are fucking delicious. And what I like about them is they get delivered to you. I'm done with shopping, man. I don't want to shop anymore.

Go to fups.com, and you can get them delivered right to your door. You can do the variety pack where you do all the different flavors, you can just get like five bags of cheddar, five bags of whatever. Whatever you want. It's fups, which is the opposite. It's puffs in reverse. So F-F-U-P-S. So it's puff backwards with an S on the end. Fups.

F-F-U-PUPS.com slash KFC. Then use promo code KFC15 and you get 15% off your order. FUPS.com slash KFC. Promo code KFC15 to get 15% off your FUPS today. It's Joe Coy on KFC Radio. Let's talk to him.

Forget about Bert. You've been doing it way before. You've been doing our show way before him oh really you're one of our og like celebrities that that did has done the show stop it yeah no because like i mean i i'm pretty sure the first time you did it whether it was this show or my other podcast i'm pretty sure it was probably through josh because i i had linked up with josh like early in my career and so i think it was probably through that i think it was before we had a booking team

and before we were in a studio. Now I'm happier. Now I'm happier. I'm so sick of these people taking credit for shit I started first. You know what I hate the most, Casey, is when someone comes up to me and goes, oh, Joe's a sneakerhead.

I'm like, hey, man, shut the fuck up. Don't you ever say that to me, you disrespectful motherfucker. Know your history and know who did it first. Everyone's a shoehead now because the internet. It's like, fuck you, man. I think it's an epidemic in the comedy community as well. Particularly in the comedy community.

Particularly. And I love them all. I love all those guys, but you better show some respect to the GOAT, goddammit. I've been rocking these joints since day one. Yeah, man.

Day one. I do. And I got receipts. I love them all as well. Bargatze's out here in sneakers all the time now. I've seen those early clips, bro. I know what you used to dress up as. You didn't those early clips, bro. I know what you used to do.

You didn't have shoes on, bro. You were walking around in your socks. Flip flops and jeans. And anchor blues on the flip flops. He's got one. I forget what set it is. I love it, man. I hate the term in general.

Even if you are one, I would be like, no, I like sneakers or I collect them. But like that phrase, even if you are the definition of it and OG and whatever. Fuck that. Oh my God, dude, the fours. I'm like, stop. Stop. Bro, it's like, yeah. The ones, the fours, the threes, the elevens.

Yeah. Yes, yes, we know. I got the blue, the white, the green, the red. Actually, I'll be honest. That's why I have not really bought a pair of sneakers unless I really, really like them or I love Masha's sneakers. He's doing those customs. I'm not buying my 50th pair of ones.

I'm done with another colorway. Did you get the colorway? The money green colorway? Stop. Stop. I got receipts, and that's the thing. I want you to know that. I know you're bored of this topic, but I got receipts, and that's the thing. I want you to know that. I know you're bored of this topic, but I have receipts.

You go check out all my stuff. Jackie opens up her closet, and she has about 10 different pairs of dirty Air Force Ones. I go with the really dirty ones or the kind of dirty ones. That's beautiful, though. And then a bunch of meat sweatshirts. Strangely, he has a bunch of shirts from meat shops and butchers. She has his Italian butchers. I said I was a sneakerhead one time in my life.

I was trying to impress a girl. Bro, I forget her name. It was early Barstool days. She was on an early rundown. She was a lingerie football player. Okay. I'm not going to remember her name. Excuse me.

Angela Ripman? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. The way he covered the microphone was so bullshit. I was like, we're not going to say her name, but I was like, I don't care. It's Angela Ripon, Mark Ripon's daughter. Yeah, and we finished the rundown, and then I was taking her.

I had to bring her to the airport or something like that, but we had time. I remember this. And we went to dinner or something like that. Yes. Because I remember I was with you guys, and then I ended up splitting off. And I remember being like, okay. I'll leave you two to whatever's going to happen here. Yeah, right when you left, you went, you know I'm a sneakerhead.

Exactly. And then everything died. Everyone's boner went back down into the pocket. She was like, we were over by. We were on, I forget which street in Boston. Not Comapp. I forget where we were in Boston. But we were over by we were on uh i forget what street in boston like not combat but we i forget where we're in boston but we were over by this store called bodega which is a very popular like sneaker store and she's bodega around here and i was like yeah i think so and she's like you know bodega and i was like yeah i'm a sneaker head and she was like she was like dude you are a

fucking loser she never know but i felt the vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She said that with her eyes. Yeah. I don't know. I actually, you know, I'm sure at one point it maybe was cool. I don't know if the people who actually like sneakers ever thought it was cool or the outside did, but at this point it's been so bastardized. And so, but you know, it's honestly.

It's horrible to watch now though. It's like seeing ones with jeans and like a sports coat. I'm like, God damn it. Fuck. That's another thing. People always wear suits and sneakers now. It's crazy. I hate that.

I sound like a hater. You know what? Do your thing. I'm wearing fucking overalls. I look like a goddamn designer plumber right now. A Prada overall. Well, you know I'm rich. Come on, man.

You know what this reminds me of? Do you remember when G-Unit popped off and they had the G-Unit clothing line for a little bit? Yes, yes. And they had the shirts that had gun holsters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me. Yeah. You should see the tools this overall came with.

Got my hammer. Yeah, it's like Gucci hammer. Flatheader Phillips. I got you both. Chanel drill hammer. Yeah, it's like Gucci hammer. Flathead or Phillips. I got you both. Chanel drill. Come on, man. I only clean toilets in very expensive places. You know who I am.

I will say, though, I'm sure there are people who hate me and what I did with sneakers. I'm not doing blazers and sneakers and shit, but I'm also not dressing it up with the most... I'm like hoodies, jeans, and sneakers. So I'm sure there are people who are like, you're lame too. You're not cool.

You're not the cutting edge. But I think there is some sort of line that's like, are you... The reason I bought sneakers, and I think this is a lot of reason for my demographic, they are all of the old... Started with the old Jordans that I couldn't afford as a kid that my mom wouldn't buy. Yes.

And then when I got a little bit of money, I was like, I just have to have these. Even if it's not age appropriate anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if I don't have that complete style. Yeah. I want the up tempos. With that same fucking air and the bubbles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want the pippets. I want the Jordans. And then once I got a little bit of the itch, I started to buy some more interesting ones that only I like and it doesn't appeal to the masses. But I'm sure there are people who didn't like, they were like, you're a loser the way you're wearing it because you're just like a 28, 30-year-old man who's just like, I'm wearing sneakers still.

So I recognize that the very same thing I'm saying about the guys in the blazers and sneakers this probably applies to me yeah but i just want you to know this whole conversation applies to you yeah i'm making fun of you yeah back toward an intervention i am uh i i'm so i'm moving soon and i have this where you going sneakers just so like a new so my my the apartment I live in is being sold. It's like a two-family unit. So I got to get out of that. I also finally get to cash in on my Barstool money next year.

So I was going to move into like, you know, wherever house or whatever nicer. But I got to like do this temporary thing because the building sold. And so I'm trying to move all my shit out. And I have this wall of fucking sneakers. And I'm like, I don't really need or wear any of these anymore yeah i know right really i like having some of them but other ones i'm like i can't

believe i ever even did wear them and i definitely don't need to carry them to the future so i'm like sell them or auction or you know do whatever it's like you got kermit the frog superstars and the amount that it's like this one and this one like you know this one's blue this one's red this one's green this one's and they're all the fucking same yeah yeah there were a time where it was like those would jump out like i need the blue ones yeah you know and now it's like and i remember some dude when i first got enough money to buy some i remember telling people i was like you know you've seen me wearing fucking like sperry's's this whole time as a Barstool writer. But it's because I never had enough money to buy some of these old school Jordans and shit.

And I remember being like, this is the ones I love from childhood, blah, blah, blah. I remember one guy said to me, he was a couple years older than me, probably a little bit younger than I am now. And he was like, I remember this. And he was like, this is a phase, man. You're going to do this. And you're going to eventually look in the mirror and be like, what the fuck did I spend all that money for? You're going to have a whole closet of them and not know what to do. And you're going to feel silly. And I was like, I don't know, man.

I really like these sneakers. I feel pretty passionate about this. It's like a hobby and a fashion thing of mine. And he was like, just wait. And here we fucking are to a goddamn tee. He's like, fuck, I don't have enough money for the new apartment. Are you still like, I would imagine you're buying like nicer clothes uh nicer shoes and some maybe custom shit and stuff like that but you're not buying are you still buying like

regular ass i mean i'll still get the threes i'll get the fours i always want to get the ones that no one has like that's what i mean like are you just gonna get like whatever drops you're buying no no no no i don't do that but now i like to wear the the crappy shoes so that's my thing right now what does that mean? Like the Rod Lavers, you know, with the Stan Smith, the Canvas. But we're not talking about the ones that are intentionally, like the Balenciagas that are like $1,000 that have rips and holes in them. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, you know what they're selling now? That's what I have on right now. Yeah, let me see. No, but you earned those. You wore those, right? You do. Yeah, you deserve that. I didn't actually buy them.

These are actually our sneakers that I'm just beating the shit out of. They're not $1,000 Balenciaga. Let me show you the new shit. I'm going to do one minute. How much fun is this conversation? Are you loving this? You'll love this, though. Here it is.

I'm going to do one minute after this. Balenciaga selling the world's most expensive trash bag. Yeah. $1,790 for that. But it's literally just a trash bag. Yeah, but dude, you're going to carry a trash bag?

I'm a sucker. I'm a sucker. You definitely are. But that stuff, I'm like, yeah. You know, remember when someone

sold a paper bag? Like Louis Vuitton, I think, had a paper bag. No, that's off-white. Oh, it was off-white? Yeah. And it was like 500 bucks?

Yeah. You are such a fucking guy. Yeah, that's off-white. Oh, it was off-white? Yeah. And it was like 500 bucks? I was like, I gotta have this You are such a fucking... Yeah, yeah. I wish all of our fans were as easy to sell I mean, I don't actually buy it, but I'm like,

that's kind of sick. Yeah, I'm pretty bad though, too. I do have a secret stash of bullshit that I shouldn't have bought. What's your dumbest Oh, it's like, oh, wow,

nice Supreme chopsticks. Yeah, Supreme was stupid. Yeah, yeah. What's your dumbest purchase? It doesn't have to be fashion. It could be a call. No, it's fashion. I got some stupid fashion pieces that I'm just like, what the fuck did I do that for?

But you know what is funny? I've said this a million times, whether it's fashion or your haircut or whatever. Yeah. Every time you look back, you're like, oh my God, I look like an asshole. But right now, I'm like, I don't think I look like an asshole. No. But in five years, I'm going to look at this and be like, you look like an asshole. Yeah, you're'm like i don't think i look like an asshole no but in five years i'm gonna look at this and be like you look like an asshole yeah you're right because every five years you're right you know but it's like if we could just recognize in the

moment that we know that's funny you said that let's not even talk about asshole or anything like that you ever look at a picture from five years ago and you're like fuck i look young yo it trips me out and i'm like there's no way i look young back there yeah it was only five years ago yeah no but it makes a big fucking it does I actually had something happen recently and someone sent me an old video where we had a buddy tied up like a gimp and we were pouring a shot into his mouth I was just talking about five years looking younger and I had beads. And then I had beads in his asshole. And I was looking at his eyes. I'm like,

no wrinkles. What? What kind of picture? Why'd you grab? Out of all the pictures, that's the one you picked. He had a ball gag in his mouth.

He did? We had three dildos by his ears. He's really neat. And then I said, where's his goatee? Man, five years is crazy.

I just got it. We were all naked. It was a Polaroid camera for sure. The lights were out. He was bent over on my lap. And I go, look at his teeth. We were in public. So we were clothed.

But the point of all this is that I was like, holy shit, I'm skinny. And it was a time in my life where I was like, I felt as fat as I fucking could feel. And every time you think you're fat, in five years, you're going to be fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, I look fat. Yo, so you think we're thinking of the future when we're in the present? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying like- No, because you think we're thinking of the future when we're in the present? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying...

No, because you thought you were fat. You thought you were fat when you were skinny. And then five years later, yeah, you're fatter. You'll always get fatter. Here's two inevitable truths. You will always be uglier and fatter. And you will always be more busy. I'm always like, in a couple years,

I'll be able to do that because things will slow down. No, no, no, they never slow down. This is like four years ago. Yeah, man. Can I see? Hey, in a couple years, I'll be able to do that because things will slow down. Yes. No, no, no. They never slow down. This is like four years ago. Yeah, man. Can I see? Hey, guys. Can I see? No, no.

Who are you? He's ball gagged up, pouring that shot. You'll see John, though. Even from the side. Holy shit. And I thought I was fat as fuck. You look like completely different. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. We used to go to this bar that was across that was across the street from a sex shop yeah and we'd like get drunk and we like make bets who would go get stuff at a sex shop would come use it yeah and he got he went over there and he got walked back across the street by a girl while he was on the leash and he had some ball guy wait do me a favor turn your head sideways wow there is something very much about one more time yeah it's different bro you look younger man smile no it's with your teeth i don't know why but like you do look younger because it's not no it's just it's your neck but like your hair you still have your hairline, but maybe your hair. I don't know.

But I think it might be because you're clinically depressed. I think there's just an air about you when you're younger. Wow. Happier. I didn't even know that, but I saw that. I'm like, he fucking looks depressed. Show him your driver's license. John's driver's license is, it's from when he was like 16. It's the best driver's license

I've ever had. For white guys, that's as good as it gets. That's Brad Pitt shit. The blue background makes it pop. You look like a surfer. That's beautiful, man. It's so fucked up. When you took that picture, you're like,

can I get my penis in this shot too? It's that beautiful, huh? That's like, uh. Yeah, that's a good shot. I've had times where people were like, this ain't you. Why would you lie about having a 33 being 33? If you have a fake ID, you're usually younger than that. Yeah.

But people are like, I had, this is actually a long time ago. Wait, is this a fake ID? No, no, no, it this a fake ID? No, no, it's a real ID. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like probably five or six years ago, I, I was like hung over. I was down bad. And I went to like get probably a beer or something like that at a, at a convenience store. Yeah. And the woman was like,

this is like, she was just outright. Yeah. Tough time, huh? Oh, like things, things haven't been going so well.

The trash bag will be perfect for you. You want to know when I found out my son had a fake ID? You're going to love this. You're going to love this story, you guys. Pay attention to this one. My son, we're driving in the car, and then a song comes on. He goes like this. He's like, and I go, what?

What's so funny? Like, what are you laughing at? He goes, oh, nothing, nothing. He won't get it. I'm like, no, now you have to tell me. What are you laughing at? He goes, it's just this song,

but it was a hip hop song. Right. I'm like, okay, so what's so funny about this song? And he goes, nah, it's okay,

dad. I'm like, Joe, I fucking tell him. I pull over. Yeah, now I'm pissed. Fucking tell me.

He's like, ah, just, it's a song that came out when the stripper walked out on stage. I'm like, wait, when did you,

what? When is that? And he told me everything. He got a fake ID. His friend Ronnie, this Russian kid, got like five fake IDs for $60. Legit. Five or 60 each, obviously, right? It was $60 for all of them. What?

I swear. They could not have been good. It was so good. I have it on videotape. Wow. Because now we're doing shit. I made him buy alcohol with it at T-Vest. They scanned it.

They gave it to them. And I'm looking at them like, yes, it went through. I have it all on video. I want to post it, but I'll go to jail. It's his face. It's his face. Sometimes you get to pass me down. Bro, his face.

To scan. He looked 12 in the picture. Like he looked so young. Like I couldn't believe the lady sold scanning one yeah she scanned it went through is like a federal crime yeah unbelievable i i had one back in the day that i had i wasn't smiling my braces in the picture like it was i i had because we used to take them 60 bucks for five we used to have to take it so i grew up in new england and we set to take a train down to to the east village so we take an amtrak from from providence to the city new york yeah and then we would go there but we lived in new york yeah and then we go to east village we get one and then we'd have it for as long as we had it but that's when you paid what

250 bucks train ticket oh yeah yeah fucking oh how ID? I forget. A couple hundred at least, right? A couple hundred, yeah. I mean, I knew a guy in NYU who would make, he took a MetroCard and put that in the middle so that it had the right thickness. Yeah. And then old New York IDs had this like matte feeling to it. It wasn't like plastic. And it was like, I've truly never felt any other material like this.

So I was like, I don't even know where you fucking got that from because I've never felt anything like that before. It had the hologram and he would put it together, glue it together, seal it. Seriously? Yeah, he was like this brilliant NYU kid. And then I think he would charge several hundred bucks

but it was worth it because it was like, you are getting in, New York was tough. If you went to school, we went to school fordham nyu um manhattan like all those colleges like you're trying to you're not going to college bars where they're like here's your library card you're in you're going to like a manhattan bar yeah they're like we're not you know we don't need to let you in we have millions of people here college bars like so it was almost worth the the cost but 60 for five is like- Oh, yeah. It was legit. Legit.

Joe Coy fucking discount. No, no. They did this all on their own. And it was a strip club. It's a strip club that my billboard is actually on top of right now on Sunset. It's called- Should we plug it? Really?

Yeah. Fuck it. It's a body shop. Yeah. It's on Sunset. So they went in, during the fucking day. They skipped school and went for lunch. They went for lunch, and I think they ate.

And they didn't buy a lap dance. He said, and he goes, he goes, daddy was so creepy. I'm like, no shit. Anyone that's going to a strip club for chicken wing buffet and a fucking lap dance Is creepy Alright well What about if your son

Gathered up nine of his friends At the age of 15 Wait wait are we talking about someone's son Oh shit And went to a happy ending massage parlor With all his buddies What? Ten of them

Ten of them Right after class Five waited in the car while five went in and they swapped like the 18 and the BT. Wait, what? We can shut that place down.

That's pedophilia, right? But we won't out of respect for the teenagers in Long Island right now. You know what? God bless them. You're right. God bless them.

You don't need a cock block. Yeah. No, I don't want a cock block. I don't want a kid cock block. I don't want to even be. Yeah. No, I don't want a cock block. I don't want a kid cock block. I don't want to even be near any of those cocks, let alone block them. I got one that's going to top it, though. I can't believe we're doing these stories. No.

This is the... Every pedophile in New York is going to be like, oh, my God. This is the best pod ever. Maybe I should have... Nah, come on. That man will cut it. Oh, fuck. All right, here we go. No, should've. Nah, come on. That man will cut it. Oh, fuck. All right, here we go.

No, no, no, no, no. Maybe I should've. Should I? Should I not? Come on. Did you fuck a kid or something, bro? That's hilarious.

All right, no, it's about... All right, so I was going... So I was heading over to my friend Jeff's Island. We're all in Prada overalls on the plane. Why do you think I'm wearing these? I'm like a designer.

I'm a designer Mario brother. I don't know. I don't know. We will absolutely cut it if you don't want it in there. But you got to tell it. Likely. You it in there. But you got to tell it. Likely. Likely. You have my word.

But you got to tell it. It's funny. Oh, shit. All right. Yeah, fuck it. Let's do it. So. You can't do it.

My son is going to be so mad. Fuck it. All right. This is the game, man. This is the game. So he's coming with me on a trip, right? And I'm like, Joe, after school, like, we're gone. We ain't got time to pack.

We got to go. Like, right when you come home, we're gone. He's like, all right, cool. Forgets to pack his bag. I'm fucking pissed, right? I'm like, on the phone. I'm like, Joe, what? He calls me during lunch.

Joe, you didn't pack. He's like, oh, don't. Just grab my bag, Dan. Just throw stuff in it. Bro. No, no, no, no. So you're going pack He's like Oh don't Just grab my bag And just throw stuff in it Bro No no no So you're going through Your kid's shit So I grab

I go where's your bag He goes It's on the top In the closet I go great I grab it It's a Louis bag Right

Grab the Louis bag Of course Yeah We're so rich It was a thousand dollar Balenciaga truck It was so crazy So I grab the bag put it down

he's got stuff in it oh man i reach in the bag right shirt shirt now there's something talk about texture it's got like a rubbery but uh but uh but uh but inviting rubbery feel. Oh, no. Not like you don't go, this is a koozie. This isn't something you put over a cold beer can. Koozie. Like, this is something. And literally, it's a pocket pussy. And I fucking throw it. It was all in slow motion.

What the fuck? It was my first time ever seeing one. I was like, motherfucker. Now it's incest. Now it's incest. Indirect incest. Go on, you motherfucker. I'm so fucking mad.

You fucking asshole. We're going to therapy now, man. You fuck. Yeah, go damn it. Throw it. By the way, it was a cheap one, too. It didn't even look like a pussy. It was just like a hole.

And then like black letters said, place dick here. And I was like, no! And I throw it. It falls on the ground. Hair from the rug touches it. It stays on it. I'm pissed. So right when he comes up, I'm going to let him have it, right?

I'm like, Joe, what the fuck is this? And he's like, oh, you found him. Like, what? Yeah, you found it. He's so cool with it. Yeah, you found it. Like, he's so cool with it. Yeah, you found it, man. What? It was a problem.

I go, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? Like, what? Yeah, it's a pocketbook. Got it. It's my regular pussy. No, no, no, no. It's even better.

I go, so when did you get it? He goes, it's not mine. What? I go, no, it gets worse. Nope, it gets worse. Hold on. I go, what do you mean it's not yours? He goes, it, it gets worse. Nope, it gets worse. Hold on. I go, what do you mean it's not yours? He goes, it's Trey's.

It's his cousin's. I'm like, wait. That was your double incest. You can't do that. You can't get an STD from your cousin. Can I hand me down? He said he washed it. No, bro.

I mean, you know, wash it. Wash, come on. Soap and water. I've had one. I've had one in my day. And I couldn't bring myself. I go, how the fuck did you washed it? No, bro. I mean, you know, wash it. Wash. Come on. Soap and water. I've had one. I've had one in my day. And I couldn't bring myself. I go, how the fuck did you buy this? He goes, that credit card you gave me for Christmas.

Wow. Very discreet. Sex shops tend to be. Got it at Spencer's. You got it at Spencer's? Oh, all right. Got it at some malls. Spencer's did go a little bit over the edge.

They did. But they do. Can I get those glow in the dark lollipops and that thing that looks like a pussy real quick can I get that black light Bob Marley poster

and that thing I'm gonna fuck later dude it is it is hard like growing up with parents usually it's like you know gifts

gifts and yeah yeah we were all creeps we were all creeps he was a creep I was a creep but I remember always

the word circle jerk isn't something that's so made up. That shit really happened. And it's probably still happening in New York right now. Just 45-year-old men looking at each other going, hey, what did you trade today? If you hit me, you got to buy this stock right now. All right, Joe. What's going to win?

Bah! Ah! I don't know if maybe I was just naive or a little bit. But I don't think I was naive. I don't think I was, like, you know, prude. Maybe it's just the lack of the internet. I don't know what. But I didn't know about, like, pocket pussies when I was, like, batting.

No, it wasn't around then around though were they not around no they weren't around well people people that's what I you'd be a real sicko yeah yeah you buy those they didn't sell them in the sex where they put some in the back alley you don't think it's like you go you to go and look in the trunk but like how would you know that you didn't we were going to sex stores no but I was going to sex stores and and Newport baby I mean, I did that too Entrance in the rear But did we not Entrance in the rear Did we not

Like, were they They were not there We just didn't even know What we were looking at No, I think back then It was a real machine You're telling me that it was like We didn't have

Like I know like the fleshlight Is like probably a modern thing But there were not rubber pussies To fuck in like the 70s There were definitely like dolls Like the full dolls I don't know if they ever thought to

shrink it down to hand-out size. The blow-up doll was just a mouth. That's like fucking a pool raft. The rubber thing is what you need to actually... I think they had the machines back then, but it was for the elite. It was like a big, it had like a gas

tower. She had to have her own room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go in that room. You didn't have an extra bedroom. That's where my sex slave lives. It's exactly like the computer. She's a robot. Back in the day, it took up a whole room,

and then they made it available for the single consumer. Yes. Just like the fucking pocket pussy. Yes. Used to be attached to a whole human. Now you can buy just the pussy. Yeah, yeah. You know what?

Get rid of the problem. Just go right to the source. Pocket pussy. Available in stores now. I love that he was like he found it yeah oh he was all oh he found it that would be dad why aren't you throwing on the floor if my parents

dad what kind of father are you man when i was uh i remember um we had a family computer back before everyone had it and um shout out to heather brooke the the best blowjob giver of all time best blowjobber her website was ideepthroat.com and i just remember this is a creepy front i'm sorry and i just remember my mom i think it was probably after i don't think she would have like confronted me right away it was probably after we like murdered two or three computers with with viruses and shit and i i mean to this day i just remember her being like so what is i deep throat.com at the time i wish i was like watergate nixon i was reading up about american history i think i just like crippled myself with things,

with cringe, and I don't even remember what happened after that. But that is all to say, I couldn't handle her telling me, saying the words on a website. If she were to be like, look at your rubber cum bucket, I would die on the spot.

I'd be like, well to i have to kill you and then myself yeah we both have to leave this earth now it's crazy how uh my son is living the same life as me only like an advanced but it's an advanced version yes i found his pocket pussy my mom found my sock yeah so and that's a true story like i didn't make that up for a joke dude she was cleaning she She was doing laundry. And then she comes into the room and she's like, do you have any dirty laundry, Joseph? And my room kind of looks like your office, right?

When I was a kid, it was just shit everywhere, right? And she goes, I go, I'm good, Mom. I'm good. Don't get mad. Don't fucking get mad at me. It's pretty hard to do. You know what I'm talking about. That's exactly what a teenager's room looks like right there. It's just so funny we had a guest yesterday

who's like you know a frat boy douchey idiot like we are and he was like this place is awesome yeah yeah yeah

he appreciates it he appreciates oh yeah yeah colors in the white and then my my mom's like I'm going to do something I'm like no

it's good mom I'm good don't worry about it she's like no stop it and just starts reaching around my bed and I'm just like no no hair hair's like oh fuck mom don't and literally like slow-mo she's like what is this just a sock that looks like a goddamn hockey stick it's just petrified it just yeah dude i i think i inherently the worst day of my life you know

just like it just goes on. I inherently knew. Change it up. Like no one ever told me, but I knew like you get a night, maybe two, and then it goes in the wash. You can't just keep fucking. Dude, I had a buddy. This is no joke. I love this.

Who kept his fucking cleanup rag just sitting by the family computer. Stop it. Like, bro, I'm talking like right next to the mouse pad. That's awful. It is grotesque. It is horrible. And just see his dad like polishing off a sub and just grabs it and just dabs his corners.

I love my son. Nice handy wipe for his dad. Munched on some. I always lose a nice handy wipe for his dad. Munch on some. Oh, God. If you're not pure, I don't mean either. It is. It was pure. Just right here.

There you go. There you go. I love my son. It's like a green hand towel. I was like, what is that for? He's like, to clean up. I was like, you just fucking leave it there? Come on. It was a green. It was a green with white checkers kind of deal. hand towel I was like what is that for he's like to clean up I was like you just fucking leave it there come on

it was a green it was a green with like white like checkers kind of deal almost like a dish towel I was gonna say like a kitchen rag

yeah we had Ari Shafir on a couple months ago at this point he told us a story about they three

like three or four of them made a bet and there was one loser to this bet. Why is John looking away? Because he might puke. He might want to. He's a very.

He's a pussy. I'm really surprised he didn't puke from that. Usually he. Oh, what I just said? I hope I don't get in trouble for that, by the way. You're fine. I hope my son doesn't disown me. But I had to tell that story.

I had to, man. I also get mad at people who get mad at me for telling stories. Because I get it. Sometimes you want your privacy, and I understand that. But also, you're reaping the benefits of what you do. And also, it's my story, too. I was there. Exactly.

So what's wrong with that? It's not like I'm taking your story and telling it. I'm telling my side of the story. It's going to happen in my life. It's our story. It's not just your story. You shouldn't have fucking done it. That's what I say about revenge porn when I post it.

It's my porn, too. Wait, hold on. Wait, what? Hold on. It's my sex tape, too, man. Kevin just watched a new documentary. That's what people with documentaries do. They shoehorn it in the conversation.

I don't like documentary people. Ari, one guy lost the bet, and the punishment was? One guy comes in a rag, puts it in an envelope, mails it to you. You come on it, mail it to him. He comes on it, mails it to him. And then they all were on stage together, and this guy had to run it underwater to rehydrate it

and rub it all over his face in front of the crowd I don't understand that I can't, like, how do you participate in that game? That's almost like when you're the winner it's like, I don't want to open up your cum rag

The first guy, you're okay. You're the winner. Yeah, you win. You just cum on a clean rag and you mail it. You're pretty weird. But the second guy. This is illegal. This is illegal.

This should be like the USPS. It's a sex crime. Those guys, all four or five, they should all be on a sex list. Cross state lines and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. It's a federal crime. Cross state lines.

That's funny. You can't traffic that across state lines. I love that one. That's fucking good. And the mailman smells. It's funny. You can't traffic that across-state lines. I love that one. That's fucking good. And the mailman smells his light. This is illegal. There's illegal activity in here. Oh, something's up.

What is it? What is it, boy? Is it cocaine, boy? It's going to be weapon. What, heroin? What is it, Molly? It's Molly again, isn't it? Fuck. heroin what is it molly it's molly again isn't it fuck but what you said is true about three dudes in a rag everybody lives the same life just probably with more technology yes a little more knowledge but it makes you wonder it's like okay

like you know we were fucking uh socks and pillows and stuff. These guys have sex toys. And we were doing it with our friends. But like what? You can't sit there and say that. So then what's his kids, what are your grandkids going to be doing? Like who knows where this fucking goes? I was just talking about that. It's going to be, and like you said, five years.

Watch what they'll have in five years from now. It's going to be ridiculous. Really? Ridiculous. It's going to have the thing. The VR for sure. It's going to have the gloves that feel like it. They're not even going to do it. They're just going to have the thing It's going to have the gloves that feel like it They're not even going to do it They're just going to stand there

It's just fucking Look I hope I'm dead Because I'll have to try it In my old age I'll just sit inside and try all the toys How did grandpa die With a fucking blowjob machine

Wrapped around his dick. That's how. He's just burying it with his girlfriend. You mean the gloves and the glasses? Oh, man. Anyway. How's the movie? Speaking of your son.

I'm not a sneakerhead. Yeah, imagine. Isn't that funny? That's how we come back. Yeah. We come back to that. That's how it all started. Was your son at all, was he lobbying to be Joe Jr. in the movie,

in Easter Sunday? No, it was – I love Bill Boyle. They asked, by the way. They asked for him to be in it. But I had a pilot on Comedy Central, and they go, hey, on one of these sketches, we should use your son. And at that time, I was like, yeah, that's a brilliant idea.

I get to do something with my son. And I put him in. And it was the worst day of my life. Really? For two reasons. One, he didn't have any lines. But the person I was with was not landing the line. So they had to keep cut, do it again, cut, do it again, cut, do it again.

And my son just broke down. He was like, I don't want to even do this. And I felt like the worst fucking day. He's like five or something. Oh, wow. I don't even want to do this. And you're like, you'll fucking deliver these lines, kid. No, no.

And I started crying because I was like, I didn't really want to do this. I didn't know that that was going to happen. And I felt like a horrible dad. So that's one reason why I didn't want to put him in this. And it's like, too, it's like, this is a huge movie. You know what I mean? Like, we got to get great actors.

You know what I mean? So I didn't want to put that kind of stress on my son. Dude, this is a huge movie. We were just now last week. You're fucking everywhere, dude. You're fucking nuts, man. We were at Universal. Do you know how I got it, right?

Do you guys know how I got it? No. So my special on Netflix, the second one, Coming In Hot, came out. And Steven Spielberg saw it. I do remember this. I remember some sort of Spielberg. Yeah, Spielberg watched it. And they called me in for like a general meeting, right?

You just go in and you just talk about yourself. That's what I thought it was. A general meeting with Spielberg. General. And I walked in. Me and my manager walked in. And every other person in Amblin was like, oh, Steven can't stop talking about you. That's what I thought it was. General meaning was Spielberg. General. And I walked in. Me and my manager walked in. And every other person in Amblin was like, oh, Steven can't stop talking about you. Oh, my God.

Steven loves you. Oh, God. Steven thinks you're so funny. Everyone. Everyone. And I'm like, I don't know what's going on. I didn't know you saw it. And I'm like, are you talking about Steven from accounting?

Yeah. Like, who are you talking about? That was just a legit question. Are you talking about Steve that cooks? And they're like, no, Steven Spielberg. He wants to do a movie. Do you have an idea? I pitched Easter Sunday, and they bought it in the room.

Then next thing you know, we're shooting it in Vancouver during the pandemic. You walked in there. You didn't have a movie. I had no idea. Was this something you'd been playing with in your mind before? Or were you just on the spot? Oh, the movie?

Yeah, we already had that. Oh, okay. I thought he was like, you have a movie idea? And you're like oh the movie yeah yeah we already had that already oh okay yeah i think he's like you have a movie idea you're like uh no i already had i already had that deal with uh ride back uh dan lynn he makes all the lego movies it wanted to like he's no you know he's no slouch right and uh so i had a deal in place with him but it was verbal we nothing was moving and then this amblin thing came around and And literally, I just looked at my manager. I was like, can I pitch Easter Sunday? And he was like, yeah, go for it.

And I pitched it in the room. And they bought it in the room. And then we told them that we'd already pitched it to Dan Lin. This is how powerful Steve is. It's not even about power. Dan Lin's dead now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dan, rest in peace, Dan.

No, I'm joking. No, but he's the GOAT, right? It's like even people in Hollywood want to work with Steven. So it's like they literally, when we told them that Dan was involved, they go, okay, we'll call Dan. He can join. If he doesn't want to join, that's fine. They call Dan.

We go to lunch right after the meeting, and then we get like 30 minutes later, they give us a call. It's like, Dan's on board. We're moving forward. Like it was that fast. That's fucking awesome. That fast, man. From meeting to to me

talking to you was like maybe 11 months 12 months wild yeah of all you like maybe a little longer because of the pandemic but you know what i'm saying it was like a calendar year of the moments you've had like in your career where you're like fuck this is a this is a moment this is like a moment this is this is your one i'm so happy you said that because there's a lot of people in hollywood that don't celebrate moments anymore because it's all about, well, we'll see. And it's like I get that because Hollywood is about having tough skin and getting rejected all the time and trying to get through it. But I don't think like that. I don't like to think like that because you're always going to fail if you think like that.

If you're always going to think it's not going to happen, then it's not going to happen. And not only that, dude, Steven Spielberg saw my special. So that's a win. Yes. It's a win that will almost didn't happen because Netflix never gave me a special. They said no to me and I,

I shot it. I paid for it and I made it up yourself. So like, I need to celebrate that, that decision of me going against what they told me not to do. And then, and then doing it. And then for Steven to see it,

like, yo, celebrate that moment. And I was, told me not to do and then doing it and then for Steven to see it, like, yo, celebrate that moment. There are people who won't celebrate a fucking movie with Steven Spielberg? But see, what it is

is they're like, okay, you got the deal but we'll see it when it happens. Because there's a lot of things that like, you know, it never got to production

or whatever happened. But in Hollywood, you're like, oh, I got a pilot deal. It's like, all right, we'll see if it goes through. It's like,

I'm not like that. Dude, even- I'll celebrate the pilot deal. It's like, all right, we'll see if it goes through. It's like, I'm not like that. Dude, even- I'll celebrate the pilot deal. Yeah. And I'll celebrate the writing deal. We've seen the movie, Joe. Yeah. You'll lie about it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We know the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even, I just saw Alicia Vikander. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomb Raider.

No, it fell apart and it's done now oh i yeah they like they had signed on for like a sequel i think maybe they're hoping to make two three and like it fell apart as they say and she's no longer attached to it so now there's going to be a new laura croft and i'm sure if maybe she walked away from it but imagine you're thinking like i'm gonna be yeah fucking video game hero and i'm sure maybe she walked away from it. But imagine you're thinking, like, I'm going to be a fucking video game hero, and I'm going to do, like, a whole thing, and we're going to sell action figures, and blah, blah, blah. And then some producer doesn't like some director who's a dickhead.

God. But that doesn't mean that she shouldn't have thrown a fucking party when she thought she was going to be Lara Croft. Exactly. She achieved it, and maybe other shit happens, but, like, you did that. Yeah. You did that, so celebrate that. There's a lot of people that wish they got as far as you did right just right and then also not only that you can learn from that like yeah that that happened unfortunately but just know that you had the skill set to get that far it's gonna happen again yeah yeah it's gonna well that's a that's a good way of thinking. Sometimes I'm a little more pessimistic, and I think, like, you never know.

Like, maybe it doesn't. Maybe that one writer liked you, or, you know, sometimes I think there's the other side. You've got to, like, capitalize right now. But it's probably better to think your way. If you got it once, you can get it again. Yeah. I mean, you're the most positive guy I know. Truly.

Aw. Truly. And in a very, you know, it's a very. You said that, aw, in a sad way. No, I said, I said. I said I'm not really that positive no I said awe because it came from him you know you're the most positive guy

you know dick pic dick pic dick pic gotta go back to being bad again no I mean in an industry that's pretty you know comedy and actors and all that shit is very TV, very bitter and jaded and backstabbing and all that. You're always one of the more positive people. But it also is like, I mean, every time we see you, it's another hallmark achievement.

You know what I mean? Selling out this or a special for that. And now this time it's a movie. Tell the people quickly about the movie. I mean, it's very much, how much would you say it's Joe Coy? I'd say all of it.

Is it truly, has it been punched up? Oh, there were so many. We had so many writers. or is it truly like an autobiography in a way?

No, yeah, you'll see it. It's not an autobiography at all because we don't have all the characters that are in my family

for real in it. I mean, you'd have to have it that way. exactly. But it's definitely inspired in my family for real in it. I mean, you'd have to have it that way. Yeah, exactly. But it's definitely inspired by my story. And it's also, you know, we had a team of writers. You know, Ken Chang wrote the original.

And of course, Jay Chandrasekhar. I know you love him. I mean, monster name. Yeah. And then, yeah, and then Katie came in and wrote. Like, we had so many people. But it was like, what I love the most about Jay is like, I would just tell him something and we would write it.

And like we were involved like that. Like we would really rewrite certain scenes and add parts to it. So that was so cool. But there was important elements to the story that I wanted in just to show what my culture looks like. But we also wanted to keep it very relatable as a family. Because you know what I mean? Like it took my mom. My mom moved to this country in 1969 because it's hard to explain what representation means to somebody. Yeah. Because you know what I mean? Like it took my mom, my mom moved to this country in 1969 because it's hard to explain

what representation means to somebody, right? But when you're an immigrant that comes to this country and you leave your family behind and now you're here, you're American and that's great. It's beautiful.

But to go on TV and watch shit that doesn't look like you or at least one person that acts like you or go to a movie and never see anything my mom for 51 years has never seen yeah her being represented but yet you go to the hospital

and you'll see a thousand filipino nurses but then you watch a show on tv about a hospital and not one filipino's represent and that's that's what we mean by that you know what i mean and it and you've always done that. Like, it's for your culture. You've done a special there. You've filmed there. You bring people on stage. I had to do that. Jabberwockies and other writers.

I had to. By the way, they were all my friends, by the way. I knew the Jabberwockies when I used to throw a B-boy event in Vegas. Dude, you know what's so crazy? I'm always watching when you do those videos. And I'm like, I don't think he's one of them right now. Like, those are too good of dance moves. And you fucking pop your mask off.

That's not movie magic, is it? You're dancing, you're doing those. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the full set, though. No, no, no, no. Hell no. My back will go out.

I was like, that was too slick. I don't think that's him. Who are you, motherfucker? You can't accomplish all of it. But that's what the movie's all about. It's like, imagine being an immigrant and feeling invisible, right? Like you're just like, wow, I exist here.

I pay taxes, but for some reason I can't see myself anywhere. And for this to be 2022 and this is the first time my mom's ever seen anything like this, that means a lot. It's very cool. And to be able to say that Steven Spielberg produced it, that's a flag for them to wave. It makes them feel – It's beautiful. But not only that, it's not a Filipino movie. It's a flag for them to wave. It makes them feel, yeah, it's beautiful. But not only that, it's not a Filipino movie. It's a movie you know.

I know you got Filipino people that work here. You know what I mean? You hang out with them. You talk sports. But for some reason, when we watch a movie about them, they have to be the Filipino. You know what I mean? I brought egg rolls.

That's not the Filipino I work with. You know what I mean? So why can't we show that? Why can't we show both sides? Why can't we just show what a family looks like and relate? You're going to relate

to my family. You're going to cry with my mom. Your mom is probably going to say, hey, I felt the same way when my son decided to do a podcast for his living.

You know what I mean? For real. It probably gave you shit. Why didn't you go to college? Is that what you do with your degree? She always makes fun of me. Yeah, flushing my degree.

Exactly. And my mom said the same thing. Comedian, you're going to be a clown. A mom is a mom. And then we become successful, and now they're like, can you please? How about now? You buy a house. Yeah, buy my house.

With your clown money. I know you're going to be a clown. Right? And that's what I want with this movie. I want your mom to go there and cry with my mom. Cause she's going to feel the same pain that she feels. And that, and that's what it's all.

And I want more immigrants to have movies like this. You know, I want them to feel, feel heard. And I want more specials on Netflix. That's why I did that one in the Philippines. It wasn't about prop and like, Oh,

I'm Filipino. It was like, I knew how hard it was just for me to get on Netflix. So I was like, fuck this. I'm keeping this door open and we're going to show a whole to get on Netflix. So I was like, fuck this. I'm keeping this door open, and we're going to show a whole bunch of other people. You are that dude, man. You are that guy who's always kind of done that trailblazing for the episode.

Thank you. See, I did it again. I know you have a hard out, so we're going to go next door and try to do Answer the Internet one more time real quick. So we've got to wrap this up here. But the movie is out now. Yes. So go check it out. So we got to wrap this up here. But the movie is out now. Yes. There is also one special guest star in it that I'm not going to say.

We don't even talk about. But awesome. You can say it. It's on the trailer. No, you can say it. LDP is in the trailer? Yeah, man. No, he's not. He's not.

I'm even using the. Just say LDP. LDP, baby. But Tiffany's in it. Tiffany's in it. Tiffany's in it. Our boy Jimmy O. Yang. Jimmy O. Yang Jimmy O. Yang

he's also EP on that but Tiffany you know how Tiffany and I we go way back like when my son was like when I used to take my son to the laugh factory

you know sleeping in my arms and they're like ladies and gentlemen Joe Coy and I'm like Tiff and then she'd hold

yeah so while I'm on stage she's babysitting my son like that's how far we go back now you guys are fucking rich good for you guys as always we appreciate it I love you guys are fucking rich. Good for you guys, man.

As always, we appreciate it, bro. I love you, man. Thank you so much, Phil. I love you, Phil. That was so much fun. Thank you. 🎵