KFC Radio - Jo Koy, Theo Rossi, and Sex or Parking

Episode Date: June 13, 2019

Theo Rossi chats with Feits about his new movie Vault, Sons of Anarchy, Marilyn Manson, and his own murder. Jo Koy talks to KFC about producing his own special when no one else believed in him, Robin Williams, and his 30 years in the comedy game. Topics from The Office: 1992 Olympics, Bad tattoos, penguins, treasure hunts, the dangers of 5G. Voicemails: Difficult daily tasks, great sex or great parking. Also, the date for the next KFC Radio LIVE is July 10th. Get your tickets here: https://www.carolines.com/comedian/kfc-radio-live/You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio presented by Postmates. Today's episode is brought to you by Dunkin'. Dunkin' is back in the building, rolling with us for the month of June. We got the go-to's back. Shout out, Dunks. You can get this great deal for either $2, $4, or $5.

What are you? You a 2, a 4, or a 5 kind of guy? What do you think, Kevin? You can get two egg and a great deal for either $2, $4, or $5. What are you? Are you a two, a four, or a five kind of guy? What do you think? You can get two egg and cheese wraps for $2. You can get – this is funny because we're going to find out just how fat John is. You can get two egg and cheese wraps for $2. You can get two bagels with cream cheese for $4. And two bacon, egg, and cheese croissants for $5. Two bagels, $4.

Yeah. Why would I not? My mom told me one time when I was younger that a bagel is equivalent to – as I talk more, I realize there's a lot of fat shaming in my house. It didn't work. But it was – Not enough. She would tell me every time I got a bagel,

she would just, you know, that's got all the carbs of a full loaf of bread. Yeah, no. I'd be like six. I'd be like, I don't know what that means. Car shaming a six-year-old is a move. Your mom is the best. Like, all right, lady. I don't know what you're talking about.

My mom, I just texted her. Not even. It was unprovoked. The Yankees went up 12-5, and my mom just texted me, thinking about killing myself. The Apple. Yeah, exactly. Mama Clance and Mama Feidelberg.

We got it from our mama. Put it that way. I would go two bagels as well. I don't need two bacon, egg, and cheese croissants, but when I finish a bagel, I want another bagel. Yeah, bagels. I could eat bagels all day. Yeah, those are fire. I don't care what the carb equivalent is, whatever.

No shaming here. It's America. America runs on Dunkin'. We run on carbs. We love bagels. Two for $4. carb equivalent is whatever no shaming here it's america america runs on duncan we run on carbs we love bagels two for four dollars that is i mean think about that because you can get like a full meal for four bucks if you're if you're like on a budget you're a college kid or something get the duncan they're everywhere dude get that for for breakfast like a slice of pizza for dinner

like you're done you're eating you're eating under ten dollars okay go twos right now america runs on duncan participation my very limited time offer. Exclusions apply. Let's go. All right. It's KFC Radio. Today we have Theo Rossi. Juice from Sons of Anarchy on. I forgot to ask it to him, but I don't know if they, like,

there was some fancy filming in that show. Because I thought Juice was teeny tiny. Yeah. He's a normal-sized dude. He's a normal-sized person. I thought that as well. I don't know if everyone on Sons is huge or if they wanted to make him look smaller yeah would i be bullshit about i'd be like agent fix this i'm not looking fucking tiny i'm one of the only guys in hollywood is actually like 5 11 i

need to be 5 11 gonna make me look 5 6 come on it's fucked because i was always thinking that watch i'm like a little fella we got juice on we got joe coy on so it's funny you did the juice and the thea rossi interview solo and I did Joe Coy solo. So we'll put those two together. Joe Coy. Let me tell you something. Joe Coy is a fucking baller. Yeah? I mean, I know

he owns a restaurant in Vegas, right? Yeah. I don't want to spoil it, but he told some stories about his... He's been doing stand-up for 30 years. That's like... How old is he for 30 years that's like how old is he yeah that's the thing i said the part of the reason i'm so surprised is because you don't look 30 yeah you don't look like you could be doing anything for 30 years right other than just being alive you look like you're 30 so uh he's telling some stories about chris rock robin williams

nights at the laugh factory and he was dropping some of the numbers uh he he sold on sold out for tickets i mean they're numbers that i thought only like bill burr and dave chappelle did it's astounding so really if you are into any sort of comedy this is a very good interview to listen to um he yeah he he is yo how about this i'll give you because you you didn't get a chance to you weren't there he produced his own special. He just said, like, fuck it. I'll pay for all of it because like Netflix didn't want it at first. And so he was like dumped his entire life savings into it.

And it was like sink or swim like this. You have to nail this performance. And then he went back to Netflix and was like, you know, do you like it or not? Like, what do you think? How about now? The amount of like the amount of pressure for you to go up there and kill it. Dude, I actually always think about that. I don't have enough confidence in it.

He was like, I knew, again, I don't want to, like, cannibalize the interview here, but he was just so confident in his set. He was like, this is going to be good. They're going to want this, right? They don't want me for whatever reason, but when they hear this, I know it's good material. We're good to go. I don't care.

This podcast could have a zillion fucking downloads. We could have a certain joke or set or segment that we know crushes it. We're going to do The Office coming up. We know that The Office is an international hit. But if someone said, do you mind doing The Office for me for all your money? I don't know if it's that good, bro. There was a viral video the other day of Fred Van Vliet, Raptors guard. Great name.

Confusing name with Greta Van Vliet. Agreed. I don't know who's who anymore. Greta, Fred, they're very oddly similar. So it was a viral video of him giving a speech at some dinner or something along those lines. And he was talking about how I guess he went undrafted maybe. And then was offered to play in the D League or Drew League, whatever it's called, for $5,000, $10,000 a year. Turned it down.

He said, nope, I'm betting on myself. Some team's going to want me. I'm going to make a thing. Now, when you're betting on yourself and the other bet is $5,000, not a huge bet. But his message was bet on yourself, which I do not think is a good message because most of you are a bad bet. It's true.

I said this when I talked to Gary. We both instinctively looked at the cameras for that. You must understand. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC so you can look at me yelling at you. Do not bet on yourself. Don't bet on yourself. There's not much you provide to this world. You, little fucking Timmy. Little Susie Q.

What is so good about you? Nothing. Why do you think that you have – Don't. You are the longest of long shots. Don't take that bet. Don't lose that money. Nope.

This is – I'm not even trying to shame you. No. I'm just trying to make you see that you are not worth betting on. I'm trying to save you. I'm trying to save you. I'm trying to save you, man. I'm not even saying be better.

You are the best you can be, I'm sure. Embrace mediocrity, but don't go out on a limb with your mediocre self. Don't Joe Coy it. No. Don't Greta Van Fleet it. What's his name? Fred Van Fleet. Fred Van Fleet it.

Don't do that. I mean, it is stunning that it worked out for Fred Van Fleet. Okay? Like, that is, the universe used up all its karma for people taking a chance on themselves with Fred fucking Van Fleet. There ain't none left for you. You and your idea, your idea for an app or your big brain idea, it ain't going to work. It's not going to work.

You're going to fail. So don't waste your life savings on it. Don't ever bet on yourself. Have a couple of bucks at home in the bank. Do your 9 to 5. Go home. Sit in the car. Unless it's a low-risk bet.

That's kind of what I made coming to Barstool. I was like, I can go anywhere else. Same thing with Fred Van Fleet. When the other side is basically no money either. It's like, all right, this is not even a risk. I didn't take a risk at Barstool until I like – I did it real smart. I like eased my way into it where it was like I got worse at Deloitte and while Barstool grew and then I waited until Deloitte fired me

so that I could keep my benefits and I got severance. Like I flat out was like, I ain't just ditching this. Like you don't have enough of a sure thing yet. And obviously it all ended up working out. But and now most people who start here, it's like it's already a sure thing. But when it was like, yeah, no benefits and like a huge pay cut, I was like, well, I think I'm going to keep doing both. Yeah. So I absolutely don't. You were Mac. I was Mac. Yeah, I think I'm going to keep doing both. Until I absolutely don't have to.

You were Mac. I was Mac. Yeah, I was. I'm playing both sides. Why are you telling us that, dude? You can't tell both sides that you're playing both sides. I was watching the abandoned pool episode the other day. Awesome. It's just so good.

The picture they paint with the public pool, it's just, why is everyone wearing shoes? And even when Mac first pitches the idea, he like unveils the little poster board of pool and Frank's just like, pass. Done. Yeah, like if Dave had come to me and said like, no, you're in or you're out, I probably actually would have taken a chance. Really? I think so. But again, it was like, you know, I think I was making like $65,000 at Deloitte and like a full-time job at Barstool was like $50,000.

So, you know, it's a cut, but it wasn't like, you know, and I didn't have wife and kids. I didn't have all that shit. So I probably would have, but I wasn't going to unless I absolutely fucking had to. So for you to just offer that up, do not chase your dreams. You are not special. You should embrace mediocrity. You should conform to the rest of society, and you should be dreams. You are not special. You should embrace mediocrity. You should conform to the

rest of society, and you should be normal. Five keys to success. Hugely important. Five keys to happiness. Five keys to neither of those things he just said, but things he's still just got to do. Five keys to his life. Just fucking living, man. Unhappiness is the key to life.

Dude, acceptance is the key to life. Acceptance. Accepting unhappiness. Accept it, and then Dude, acceptance is the key to life. Acceptance. You're going to be unhappy. Accepting unhappiness. Accept it. And then you're good. I've learned so much after going through all my shit where it's like it's not that people aren't still just roasting me publicly at all times for my missteps. It's that I just don't care anymore. Welcome to the fucking team, baby.

Let's go. God damn. It's nice to hear. It's just like eventually you just don't care. And then you realize, well, wait a minute. I don't care about this. And this a minute ago to me was the biggest deal ever. So then I don't give a fuck about this.

And I don't give a fuck about that. And I'm not saying to just turn into some like apathetic loser. Because every time we – no, seriously. Because every time we say that, I think it comes across a little bit disingenuous because at the same time, like we're still doing this and we're still like – we're going to try to plan new things and we're always coming up with new ideas. It's not like we're lazy. Right. But we are – it's mail time. It's like strategic acceptance of like your limits.

Yeah. But that doesn't mean – like I used to – when I used to talk about mail time – I think we're talking about different things. I think we're talking about different things I think we're talking About different things What are you talking about Well I'm talking about When you said

I just don't care It kind of reminded me Of that blog I wrote the other day About the Boeing stuff Where it was just like I feel like everyone On the internet Needs to have an epiphany

Where just Most things don't matter And I don't mean that To sound cool Or anything like that Right A vast majority Of the things

Just don't matter right and then to take a step further like your opinion on the matter matters even less like it just like you can there are so many things to be right it's it's almost like i have in my room my childhood room um my mother hung a thing because i would lose my temper a lot and it was it was the thomas jefferson 10 seconds thing And it was like 10 steps and like breathe here. And it was – I would like to throw chairs out my window. She had to do something. How?

Every time, dude. Every time it's a story that I just like didn't know. I would just – it only happened twice with the chair. But she was like, listen, you got to stop doing that. Like a desk chair? Yeah. I'd pick it up. Like smash wood on the ground outside?

Second story, yeah. Through the glass? Oh, through the glass. Oh, wow. Dude, you're crazy. You're a crazy person. I got my Thomas Jefferson thing. I went through my crazy phase.

That's a good point. Halsey said this. Halsey was like, I'm so happy. I had my crazy phase when I was in high school and not when i'm famous like you're i'm so i was like i was like like middle school which is scary to like when you're when you go crazy when you're like 11 something's like inherently wrong in you i was like you haven't even been first of all you grew up in like a perfectly normal house minus your mom being a little bit weird like like both parents happy home good siblings played sports You had no fucking reason

To have chair rage So it was something like You were unhinged Want to know what the first The first time I went through it for Yes I do They were trying to get me To go to therapy

But why were they You had to have done something first I don't remember what it was then But I was like I'm not seeing a doctor You think I need therapy Bam What the fuck is wrong He was like Alright I'm not seeing a doctor. You think I need therapy? Bam!

What the fuck is wrong? He was like, all right, we'll just hang a poster. You were definitely – I've learned this, by the way. Now that I'm a parent, you start to hear other things about other parents. There's definitely the scary kids in life. Like I know a couple parents right now that are afraid of their kid and they should be. Like some Damien shit. You're a fucking possessed child.

Weird things where your parents – it's got to be tough to admit. My kids are nice little sweet kids. I know a couple parents who are like, yeah, she's weird. She's kind of dark. She's oddly precocious and scheming and scamming. That's like a horror movie where the kid is like a little too smart. It's like, that's all my baby picture. I'm not responding to any baby,

very like baby young picture. You were the scary kid. I'm looking at the camera. I'm like, this fucking kid. He just threw a fucking chair out the window. I told you, Polly,

I told you something wrong with him. Like all I made pictures are very funny. Cause it's me. Just like, the fuck are you? You know what it is? What's your angle here? They made you,

you should have just let you fucking wear Peter Pan clothes. Fucking knew it. We should have just let him do fourth grade in Peter Pan. Why did we have to stop him? It was a year. They gave me a year. They were like, look, you got to stop. You got to stop with the Peter Pan kid.

Throw in chairs through the window. Grab. Didn't raise the window. Anyway, to the Thomas Jefferson thing. I do that now with things – I don't know the Thomas Jefferson thing. I do that now with things. I don't know the Thomas Jefferson thing. It's just like breathe, pause, ten seconds. I think it's a common thing because you had one hanging on your wall.

I don't think I know it. It's Thomas Jefferson. It was basically just like – I mean, it's very common. It's basically just like pause. I just don't think it is. Breathe for ten seconds. I think it's for crazy people throwing chairs out windows. Relax your shoulders.

Just breathe for ten seconds, and it won't be as big a deal. It'll go away, yeah. And I just do that anytime I see something online that makes me mad. Put your phone down for two minutes. And I forget I've ever read it. There's so many things that people put so much time into, and hating Barstool is one of them. They just try and try and try to hate this thing.

And it's just like, dude, it just doesn't really matter. No. Just don't get mad. I promise you. Go for a walk. I'll do it to you sometimes, too, where I'll just get up and I'll just take a lap around the office. By the time I'm back, I don't even remember Just go I promise you Go for a walk I'll do it to you sometimes too I'll just I'll get up

I'll just take a lap around the office By the time I'm back I don't even remember What the fuck it was for Or open up some Pornhub Or do whatever it takes To just distract yourself Come and help

Yeah Big time I mean But what I'm talking about And where it does connect Is I think whenever we Kind of give messages like this People take it to mean like

Like I used to get people Being like I just don't care anymore You're right man Like I dropped out of school I don't have a job Fuck it to mean like – like I used to get people being like, I just don't care anymore. You're right, man. Like I dropped out of school. I don't have a job. Fuck it. I'm just going to like drink all day.

It's like, well, no. Now you're a fucking loser. It's got to be within moderation. It has to be about things that just actually don't really matter. So when you're mad about a towel or you're mad about a sponsor or you're mad about a joke, mad about something that is literally – it's physically not tangible and not going to affect your life in any material way. Just don't fucking care. Just stop caring. And that's still – there are plenty of things to care about.

And you don't have to be overly passionate about it, but there's just things like, okay, this matters. Or even – I mean we comment. I comment on trivial things all the time because that's like our job. I try to make it funny and I get a paycheck for it. But it's not like I deeply am like, this it's rare right now i'm very deeply like that with the st louis blues and the people of st louis yeah i mean i'm not with sports all the time um but the that is basically just sport anything else where like it's it's hard to explain how it works but it's like i can i can be upset about it it It's Dwight. It's Dwight where I go, Jim, it's 5 o'clock.

I'm not taking this home with me. I'm good at figuring out where to expend the energy on it and then go, well, that was enough energy on that. I'm done. Well, it's two things. It's one, the ultimate mantra of be normal. You just know. Just, like, just think to yourself, is this really important? It's like when you're at a game, the rule of three.

You give it three if you're trying to start a chant. Let's go, bro. If no one helps you, it's over. Done. If you can sit down. Be angry for it for the rule of three. You think about whatever topic it is, and you just know, is this actually something worth discussing or fighting or opining on or not?

And you just know. You just have a gut feeling for it. And I can't remember the second one. Probably doesn't matter yeah just yeah just be normal that's it i see what you did there i see what you did there um so yeah um well i also by the way i feel like i should address this is kind of awkward that we are doing this recording this on tuesday because I have to be in Boston on Wednesday. So you'll be listening to this.

And my mood is probably different than whatever you think it should be. Because by the time – Either the Boston Roosters are Stanley Cup champions right now or they're lost in Game 7. While you're listening to this, John is definitely drunk. Yeah. One way or the other. He's either happy drunk or, like, maybe dead drunk throwing chairs at windows. Right.

There's one of the other. We shall find out. I also just quickly, as we're talking about like people online who care too much, the people getting caught up in our tweet where we put the Photoshop of Kevin Durant getting injured on the big screen at the bar, the meme where the bar goes crazy. And it's a soccer clip that people Photoshop other things onto the screen. The amount of blue checks getting mad at that, being like, this is fake. Barstool is circulating. Barstool remains trash. It's a very popular meme.

Shut the fuck up. I would actually commit suicide if I was one of those people. The minute I pressed send on that and everyone was like, hey, dude, it's a joke and it's a Photoshop meme on purpose and you just got all bent out of shape i would probably commit suicide i also as we're looking at what's going on online bill dan blazarian just got hacked and uh dropped a hard er fucking n words and um i think the if you hack somebody and you do that, that's stupid. Because everyone knows it's a hack now. Yeah. I think it would be better to go a little more subtle with it.

Well, I think what they do is they do that, which then causes people to immediately go to the page and then the next tweet is their plug. But, I mean, honestly, God, how many followers? I think that guy had 470 something i mean i'm interested to see where he ends up yeah i mean man if he hits 500

it's crazy like i look at some of the stats joey lang going our newest uh member of the kfc radio team he's our social media guy now officially he's been doing kfc radio tweets for a while now on the side there's a fucking there's a success story for you you know what joey didn't do he didn't like just randomly quit his job and he just tweeted and tweeted and tweeted and tweeted until it was like undeniable. I was just like,

all right, you know, we have to get you a job here. Like he'll pop off with like 50,000 retweets and it's like new followers, four. People just don't, you know, they just don't follow shit anymore unless they like absolutely have to. So the idea that you're going to hack someone,

I would, I'd love to get hacked. You would? Yeah, because it is exposure. Maybe you get some more followers. Maybe you get some eyeballs, whatever. Liz got hacked the other day. I was like, this might be good for business.

It might not. I'm saying it's hard to get these followers. I guess I don't really care either way. What would you say if you hacked me to be subtle but get me in trouble? F-ing hacked me to be, like, subtle but, like, get me in trouble? Like, you know, effing n-words is not, like, you know, it's just like, okay, that's obviously not him. I'm going to fucking kill myself. Yeah.

Because it's going to get suspended. Yeah. I will get you in trouble. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And people will get them. It's true. Depending on, like, when it happens.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Any sort of kill yourself stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Any sort of kill yourself stuff. Yeah. Oh, shoot. I'm probably going to get suspended again for tweeting out that text from mom. Hmm. Got me again, Twitter.

I could easily just go delete it and I'm just not going to. Because you know it's too funny. Too fucking funny. But you just had a screenshot, right? Yeah. I think you're good there. The algorithm's not going to pick it up. Right.

The algorithm can't read pictures, right? Oh, that's a loophole. What if I just screenshot? Handwrite them. Yeah. Kill yourself. Just handwrite all your notes. I'm going to fucking kill myself.

Yeah. There you go. There you fucking go. All right. So we have the two interviews coming up. We also have voicemails, but first, another edition of The Office delivered to you by Postmates. Is that your new horn? Yeah, I think so.

Can you do the lion growl again? Get your Postmates delivered. As you're sitting at the office, as we do the office here, you can get your Postmates delivered to the office. Get your lunch sent. Get your dinner sent. Get your breakfast sent. You want to get your Dunkin' delivered. Whatever it is. See, that's what Postmates, that's where they revolutionized the game.

I remember someone stupidly saying to me, what's different between Postmates and just ordering delivery? The places that usually don't deliver can fucking deliver now, dude. Yeah. It's like, yeah, pizza places have been delivering forever, but now Taco Bell does. Pretty huge fucking difference. Yeah. It's pretty much the biggest goddamn deal. It's as different as it could possibly be.

You fucking stupid goddamn asshole. What's the difference between ordering delivery? Oh, you son of a... Come on. I can get like an individual donut delivered from Dunkin' Donuts if I want. Just give me one fucking chocolate donut. That's it. So whatever you want delivered, you can get from booze to groceries to food and everything in between.

Delivery spots, non-delivery spots, all of it will have someone pick up. It's just, honestly, you just pick up a person and they just go be you. It's like your surrogate. It's like, yeah, I'll go to the store and they just go be you. It's like your surrogate. It's like, yeah, I'll go to the store for you and say the words to the cashier and bring the food to you. Right now, promo code KFC gets $100 of free delivery credit. That means any delivery charge at the end when you're checking it out, zeroed out for the next seven days up to $100. Office time. What's good?

Okay. First one from Colby new member the uh colby's a producer uh of many things but his i just guessed your password to get into your computer yeah i love it the i mean i have three passwords you know all of them so that's what it is that's great what did colby say? The 1992 Olympics. Now, I don't know much about the 1992 Olympics. I believe that was the dream team.

Did they come in third? Did they even medal? Oh, no. 92, I believe, is the dream team. Oh, 92 is the dream team dream team. Oh, when was it that they didn't make anything? That comes much after. That comes after the – yeah, the 92 Olympics is the original dream team. The first dream team?

Yes. Oh, I'm going to mess. I don't care about that. I would have cared more about the failure. But it is funny to go back. Which is so fucking wrong of me and the world. No, I was just like the world. We're like, oh, that was the time when they did really good.

Don't give a fuck. What was a miserable failure? I want to hear about that. I time when they did really good. Don't give a fuck. What was a miserable failure? I want to hear about that. I want to hear about that one. But listen to this, dude. They averaged 115 points a game, and they allowed 73. So they were just winning by like 40, 50 points a night. Yeah, that's cool.

But I know what you mean. It's just like, yeah, no fucking kidding, dude. Charles Barkley, Larry Bird, Clyde Drexler, Patrick Dewey, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Christian Lehner. Christian Lehner is always so funny. Carmelo, Chris Mullins, Scottie Pippen, Dave Robinson, John Stockton. I mean, yeah. No fucking kidding.

You should have won by 70 every game. You guys are actually underachievers. Yeah, right? Like, you fucking stunk. What I love about – the only thing that I find interesting about that team – and, yes, I know they have the secret practice and all that good stuff. When John Stockton went around town in Barcelona, I believe this was, about a third or –

Yeah, what did he do, in the Basque country. Very funny. It's just no one recognized him. So everyone else couldn't go outside because they were swarmed. And John Stockton

just went around with his family just like video camcorder, like kid on the way. No one had a goddamn clue who John Stockton was. Is he a Mormon or did he just play in Utah?

Just played in Utah, I think. I don't think he's a Mormon. Can that guy think of Mormons as well because they're from Washington. I just think weird white people. Yeah, they're definitely weird white people. So if you're a weird white person, you're a Mormon. Remember Adam Morrison with his bomb shelter and all that shit?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. PMT on the map. Gonzaga, I just – Gonzaga's funny because it's like one of those colleges where you hear about all the time strictly because of basketball. 100%. I learned that it was in the state of Washington. I thought it was in Washington. Maybe I didn't even think it was was in the state of Washington. I thought it was in Washington. Maybe I didn't even think it was in Washington, D.C. I thought it was in each co-school.

I learned it was in Washington State six months ago. Last March. I was like, oh, Gonzaga. What? Oh, what? Not fucking close. All right. Interesting.

The years that they lost were, that was great. Pure chaos. Because then what ended up happening is they came back with what was supposed to be like the modern dream team, and they fucking smoked everybody because for a while people were declining. It was like, I don't want to play or I'm injured. I've got to rest up. And, yeah, to not even medal was like – They did medal, right?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. And then I think there was one where like there was one – it was an international tournament. It wasn't the Olympics. I forget what it was called, but I think there was one where, like, there was one. It was an international tournament. It wasn't the Olympics. I forget what it was called, but I think there was one of those where they came in third or something like that. 2004, I think it is, which is terrible. I mean, 2004, you know, there's some fucking names out there. Like, you should be. So they did medal.

They were five and three. They got a bronze medal. Allen Iverson, Tim Duncan, Steph Marbury, Carmelo Anthony, Dwayne Wade, Amari Stoudemire, LeBron James. Wow. I didn't realize that. What the fuck, dude? That team came in third? They lost to Puerto Rico, who had Carlos Arroyo.

Oh, yeah. I mean, obviously. I should have seen that one coming. Yeah, that's one of the all-time failures. Maybe Dirk was floating around. I think it was Argentina had... I mean, you're talking about a lot of teams with one player. Right.

That team has no business losing to anybody. So who's up next? Next thing, I'll tell you what. I'm going to run through... Spider gave me three. Oh, boy. You want to just do Spider edition of The Office? Spider edition.

Well, Jack Mack gave me a good one, too. So Spider's got two that we can kind of just talk about quickly. And then we get to Jack Mack. Jack Mack's on probation at the moment. Why? He had maybe the stupidest take. Oh, so Clay's on top 50? Clay Thompson not being a top 50, 5-0, 5-0 player is just asinine.

That's a lot. I mean, I can't name 25. By the time you get to the 50th player, it's like these guys are just marginal role players. They're just starting five of every team. It's like, come on. What Spider got? Spider's first one was shitty tattoos.

What is the worst? You got one. The worst tattoo I've ever seen? What is the worst you got one the worst tattoo I've ever seen what is what is the worst tattoo you would get like think of something that you

like you like you would do yeah yeah probably some dumb Mets shit you do Mets thing I wouldn't but like I could see

myself like getting I see Karamas all the time Karamas is the big Boston B what's on his cap right you gotta regret that Karamas

you gotta he's also got like the state of Texas on him he does yeah like why I think like his grandma's from Texas or something not enough of a reason he's like the outline of the state of texas on his arm i did this is news to me he's got some shitty tattoos i didn't know i could see uh you know my kind of thing with with with sports is always with tattoos

is always like i want to get something that i know i'm gonna like be due for life you know and i realistically i'm not gonna quit the match I'm not going to quit the Mets. I'm not going to get a Mets tattoo, but I could maybe see myself. You can't do sports tattoos. I'm sorry. I cannot get down with sports tattoos. No one in here? Make you good?

Okay, good. You can't have your own team. I mean, the only other thing I would maybe do is my kids, and I don't know if I would regret that all that much. That would be a tough one. Unless they go down to the crazy kids they kill you in your sleep, throw chairs out the window. They throw chairs out the window. I'd be like, fuck, I got this Shea girl tattoo, and she, it'd be a tough one. Unless they go down to the crazy kids that kill you in your sleep and throw chairs out the window. They throw chairs out the window.

I'd be like, fuck! I got this Shea girl tattoo and she turned out to be a lunatic. Whatever you got a tattoo for your kids, but like, you got it, like you said, you got it on your ribs, right? And if Shea was bad, you get crossed out.

And then you got to earn it back. And then you go, you get a new one, Shea below it. And then you get the year next to it, like heights. The Cleveland Browns tattoo. This is the time you were so bad for a year. Yeah, most parents do this with, like, a calendar on the wall.

I'm going to do it with my flesh, you little bitch. I'm going to make you fucking feel it. Remember, there was a time where you wanted to get. She has to watch you so she sees the pain she causes you. You're like, ah! You did this thing! Ah! But if she's throwing chairs out the window, she'd probably be like, yeah, good.

Take it. You wanted, at one point, to get my hair tattooed on you and I get your hair tattooed on me. I feel like that would be pretty bad. That's what you'd be able to do. I still can't undo it. You like that one. I like that.

I have a couple, I think. I'm probably going to get tattoos. Not like a ton, but I could see just getting stupid things. What are you going to get? I don't know. That's the other thing Is if you get like A couple stupid ones Then you become cool Where it's like I just

You know tattoos Are not that big of a deal to me Right Like what I wanna get Is the crown From Where the wild things are And it was a book

I read a lot as a kid I don't really care about that It's not like Oh this inspired me I just think it's a cool logo Would you get I'd probably start I would start everything With like Well, like, the first book my parents read to me. It made me want to be in entertainment.

I don't give a fuck. I think it's a cool-looking crown. Would you get a – I just don't want people to think it's, like, a king's crown. What about, like, the office are always sunny? I'm trying to think of the things that mean most to you in life, and they're, like, TV shows. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I would get, like –

Like the sunny logo or something like that or like – Oh, you know what would be a great tattoo? S-U and your A's. Don't see – Don't J and a C's. No, what is it? Don't use a C and J all over your B's. I like –

I don't know. I can't believe I can't even think of this quote right off the fucking top. What is it? Burned in the – Oh, Patty's Hemp Respect Idiots. I am legend. right off the fucking top. What is it? Burned in the... Oh, Patty's Have Respect Idiots. I am legend. Across your back, the way it's all scribbled,

Patty's Have Respect Idiots. That would be... I mean, if I saw someone with that tattoo, I don't want it, but if someone else had that tattoo, I'd be like, you are legit as fuck. You can play on my team any day.

Next one. I don't even know if this is something to really talk about. This is just a fact spider throwing at me. Penguins have knees in their bodies. Can't use them. Got wings that can't fly either. Penguins are. What a waste of time.

More like half of a penguin's body. Real goddamn useless. I mean. A real waste of Morgan Freeman's time, if you ask me. You don't like penguins? I mean, they're cute, sure. But they just seem like they're pretty useless. Well, they're definitely useless, but looking cute is useful.

Not if I can't hold you. I need to – Yeah, see, that was what I was going to say. If people show me pictures of things, I don't really care. No, no, no. Look at this cute penguin. It could be made up. Even the zoo.

Even the zoo. It's like I'm looking at it. I'm not a zoo. Zoos, I feel really bad. I don't do zoos. I went on a date to a zoo once probably 10 years ago. I couldn't do it anymore. First of all, I went in the winter.

It was super bleak. This tiger. I was like, guys, it's fucking freezing. I should be in the Serengeti, dude. I get that. That's the last time I've been. Even if I can see them with my own eyes, I need to like pet you and play with you and like hang out with you. I think a pet penguin would be wild.

Like even today we had the dogs in the office and people were like, why aren't you like going crazy? I'm like, well, I'm not holding it. Yeah. I can't hold it. They're doing a show. It was actually very funny. I'm not looking at it. So we're doing the rundown

we have these these shelter dogs come and Dan was holding one I was holding one and Dave wanted one and he was kind of like well I want to I want to hold one

you know and then my dog was a little bit scared so he he touched I passed him off and then Dan's dog was looking to get off his lap

and I was kind of like I'm going to take him it was like a power struggle who gets to hold the dog he's like unspoken like well come on he looks like he wants to come over to me come on you want to you want to pet the penguin though i mean could you imagine walking a penguin i mean yeah the amount of chicks the amount of attention the amount of clout you would get think about i mean how many instagram dogs are there right and they get like millions of followers if you had like the only instagram penguin or a puffin, even better.

What's a puffin? A puffin is like a tiny penguin. I know what a puffin is. I used to get puffin cereal. Yeah? Yeah, puffins and cereal. Mr. Popper's Penguins, remember that book? I remember the Jim Carrey movie.

Yeah, I mean, I don't even remember, but I just remember the book. Yeah, that would be great if I had a bunch of penguins. They can't live in the warmth, though, right? Well, that's the problem. But I'm saying if I could somehow have them and I just rolled around with a penguin dude, like this is just my buddy waddling alongside me. Hey. A flightless bird.

Knee-less. Knee-full bird that just doesn't use them. Yeah. This guy's got knees in his gut. Yeah. Poor penguins. You know how much easier it would be to walk around? You know what else, too, man?

You watch that Planet Earth. Those emperor penguins, the dude penguins, they got it bad. That's also one of the all-time videos, that penguin fight. I couldn't even watch that. That was so vicious. That was awesome. Have you never seen the penguin fight where they're pecking them to death and blood's everywhere all over a girl, right?

Yeah, and the memes after that were so funny. I think Tyler was all over it. Tyler at Tyler I Am was just like, you know, mixtape. He just had, like, you know, like, the penguin, like, yelling, like, don't even come back for your robe, N-word. It was very funny. That was a great internet moment. Shout out to penguins.

I guess they're more useful than I thought. Last one from Spider. He was saw on YouTube recently, I suppose. There is a man. I forget where he's from. He's an antique collector. Two million dollars of antiques

he buried in the Appalachian Mountains. Lots of people have been looking for it. What bugs me is this guy's alive. He wants his legacy to live on, so he's never going to tell you where it is. Why don't we just go kidnap and torture him? He's alive. This is some shit you can't do while you're alive because I'll come kidnap you.

I think the other guy's alive, too, the one who wrote the treasure map in the Pacific Northwest. No, in the Southwest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's alive, too. I mean, we could torture all the Southwest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's alive too. I mean, we could torture all these people. Yeah, let's just do that. Fuck this thing. Now, the problem is the one –

You want a good podcast? We kidnap people and torture them and steal their riches. Steal their riches. Yeah, you can tell me that podcast. I think I'm going to call it steal your riches. Steal your riches. That's a great phrase. Steal their riches.

The one in Arizona-ish is like treasure. It's like booty. It's like jewels and gold coins. This one is too. It's antiques. But antiques, that makes me feel – Yeah, well, that's – Is it like Aladdin's lamp or is it just like look at this fucking bowl from the Ming Dynasty that's worth a lot of money?

I need it to be like treasure. That's what kind of Theo Rossi and I talk about because his movie is called Vault, and it's a true story of a vault robbery in Providence. And some of it were jewels. We decided that if we would rob a vault together, I would get the cash. He would get the jewels and stuff. And, yeah, stupid. But he wouldn't run away with me because he was like, he's like, dude, you don't seem like you're very good at this.

He's like, I'm just going to tell you this. We're on our separate ways. Yeah, we're going our separate ways. You're going to get me caught. I mean, jewels are cool. I'm picturing you have treasure chests. You dig your hands into the rubies and the sapphires and shit. But I need to be liquid, baby.

Yeah. I need to be able to flip that shit. Would you ever – we should do this when we die. We don't have riches riches but we will bury stuff we'll bury some like oh by the way just make people think like this might not be real these treasure might not be oh i'm gonna do is go viral right and i feel like this guy hasn't i mean i guess it's on youtube but i haven't heard of this dance puppet dance like oh yeah you know i've got like a you know rare collection of uh antiques like what the fuck does that even mean dude

i think i think if we were to bury us like like let's say when we die we go to this whole studio Oh, yeah, I've got a rare collection of antiques. What the fuck does that even mean, dude? I think if we were to bury... Let's say when we die, we go to this whole studio. The KFC Radio studio intact is buried somewhere big hole. That'd be pretty cool. Yeah. Why don't we just... We don't have to die. Let's just do a KFC Radio treasure hunt.

Okay. We'll take an artifact of some sort from here. We'll go somewhere in the country country and we'll fucking bury it. We'll go across the street. Yeah, probably. It's going to be in the Five Guys on 7th Avenue. And we'll give them a list of clues, write a poem. And whoever finds it gets to be a third member of the podcast.

We've got to have some juice on the line. That's a lot. Yeah, we've got to have some juice on the line. That's a lot. Yeah, we got to have some juice on the line. I don't know. I don't know if I'm willing to give that up. I'll tell you what. Okay, what we should do, I can't make this decision, but what Dave Portnoy should do,

for all the other things that have gotten people jobs here, there should be a scavenger hunt job. I am dead ass serious. I think that should be part of Barcelona. Yes. Like if you went across the country following our instructions with like a poem or a song or clues and hints national treasure style and along the way you're making content and and chronicling it and we get to see you like trying to do all the things and you fucking find this artifact you should get a job

here and you'll probably be like the best one here you know like if you can do that you're good at following instructions none of us are so you're already like employee number one. Very bad. Or, okay. I mean, I don't have enough clout to give you a job or anything, but I'll go hide some shit somewhere in New York city and you can just find it.

And then that'll, that'll be cool. I'll be like, yo, that was fucking cool. I'll get you some followers. Yeah. I wasn't going to give anyone a job because I also do not have that clout.

No, I also don't want any more, no new friends. But we'll pick something out here, and I'll go hide it in New York City. Last one. Jack Mack. He tweeted about it today. You might have seen it.

Big on 5G at the moment. There has never been a bigger scam than all of the Gs. Now, I don't know if I agree because Jack Mac says that 5G is so powerful it's dangerous I asked him how many ronkin and he said it's a lot of ronkins

get out of here we're getting radiation we already knew we talk about that again I'm here on barcelona.com you can see where I'm shoving my phone. It's where everyone in the world shoves their phone and not uses it. Underneath your nutsack.

It's the phone holder. Into your taint. It's like your gooch. Yeah. So, like, that's why I know I don't have kids because every time I'm driving, sitting at my desk, like, my phone doesn't stay at my desk. I mean, I know you say that, but you know I'm fertile as fuck, so. Or maybe it just has mutant kids who are well-behaved. Right.

Well-behaved mutant children that's what that's what my sperm that's what cell phones do they fuck up your sperm so you just have well-behaved adorable mutant children i i think that all uh 1g 5g 2g 3g 5 i think it's all fake i mean i i do i do think that like technology is getting better but but I think eventually it's just marketing. It's just like, all right, we'll slap a new name on it. It's been a couple years. We're the first ones to have 5G. I don't know.

What the fuck does that mean? I disagree with you on that because it's not networks that get 5G. It's countries. What was that? Countries get 5G capabilities. China just got it. And Trump's like, we got to get 5G. It feels like a moon race.

Yeah. And we all know what it feels like a moon race yeah and we all know what they did with the moon race like that's when you fake shit and do propaganda coming out of your ass oh no we got 5g first we do i don't know figure it out figure it out like amikov some fucking russian guy like yeah figure it out we just got it that's a lie nobody has 5g it's all just it's all the same shit want to go to china and figure it out no but we'll bury the the the the the scavenger hunt guy can go to china figure it out figure it out you go to china and you prove to me how fast 5g is suck a dick dude i'm gonna i'm into this one i mean i like fast phones i'm i'm working with internet that hasn't worked in five days for me. So fast phones are important.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this 5G thing. Let's get to the bottom of our voicemails today. They're brought to you by Stitch Fix. I'm a member of Stitch Fix for the summer because I don't know how to shop for the summer. I look weird in T-shirts. I don't know what colors I should wear. I don't like wearing shorts. I don't know what to pick out for warm weather attire.

So you'll either catch me just wearing a hoodie and sweatpants in the middle of the summer, or you'll catch me wearing my Stitch Fix gear because Stitch Fix is a monthly clothes delivery service where they have a personal stylist who will pick out your clothes. By the way, Stitch Fix, give me a job. Yeah, right? You can do that. That's a stupid thing.

Seriously. You want to be casual? They got you covered. Sophisticated? Sure. Playful? You want to be playful? You want to wear a pair ofated? Sure. Playful? You want to be playful? You want to wear a pair of pink pants with rips in them?

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you know, whatever they, they, they missed the mark. You can return every item. They don't make you buy anything and you just got to pay the $20 styling fee, which ordinarily gets automatically applied to anything you keep. Go to stitchfix.com slash KFC. You'll never have to think about looking good again. So it just takes all the decision making out, takes all the stress out. They'll decide for you. Stitchfix.com slash KFC. KFC fights, BC, what's going on?

I just had a quick question. So I was doing some yard work this weekend and I had to unconnect my hose and reconnect it. And, you know, it took me like five minutes to screw the hose back in the spigot. And I'm thinking there's no way in fuck it should be this hard to just screw this hose right where I took it off. So I was just wondering, what are some everyday things, or not everyday things, just things like that that are so simple and easy that you just struggle with? You know, another thing is starting a stove.

I feel like I fill up my kitchen with gas before I ever start the stove. It just sits there and ticks, and I almost burn off my face when it ends up starting. Alright, let me know. I get what this guy is saying, but this guy also sounds particularly stupid. The hose is particularly difficult.

A hose spigot just don't work. That's why I always say that that's what a woman's vagina looks like peeing. It's a dented hole that just dumps water out of it. Couldn't even get through it.

It's a dented hole. It's just like it's not a perfectly shaved hole. That just like water kind of goes awry out of it. It's been hit by things before. People have bumped into it. Spigots are just, they're not perfectly circular. And it's a disaster. Just like the vagina urinating.

But the – so that one's tough. I've had that happen a million times to me. I get that one. I mean the stove I've never had happen. I don't get people who can't like – when guys can't physically do the laundry. Yeah. So many guys I learned at college. I had to learn in college.

Put, like, soap in, you push a button, and, like, it says, like, turn it on. Dude, I had my roommate, Sean. We went through, like, a full year of living together before I realized, and this speaks to my laziness as well, that I wouldn't wouldn't like call the super. It was like anytime he did the dishes, it went, I mean, it just overflowed in bubbles to the point where we would just like

I knew Sean had done that load, so I would like just put a bunch of towels under it in preparation for the bubbles that were about to come out. Putting the rungs open? He was just putting hands open. After a full year, I was like, dude, are you stupider? I saw him doing it. I was like, is that The bubbles that were about to come out. Putting the rungs open? He was just putting hands open. Yeah. After a full year, I was like, dude, are you? Who's stupider?

You or him? I saw him doing it. I was like, is that the soap you've been using? Are you fucking kidding me? I was wondering. It works when I do it. I don't know what you're doing. He's like, I don't know.

I'm just doing it. And I'm like, finally. I was like, that's what this whole thing's been about? That's astounding. You're just using Dove? Are you? Astounding. You're just using dove? Are you fucking kidding me? You're just jamming a bar of soap into the hole? That is, that might be the dumbest.

This is good. I feel like people are going to have stupid, stupid stories. What's, like, the dumbest you've ever been? I've never been that dumb. Neither have I. Shockingly. But, like, there's dumb people out there. I don't think there's ever been anything where I'm – I've addressed before. The dumbest moment I ever had was – and this is not that bad, but I did feel very stupid at the time.

I was an intern at a trading floor, and they asked me to make a copy of a report, and it was like 300 pages long. And I didn't know that you could put it in the top where it just like feeds into it so I was like god damn this is gonna take a long time like open the top like put page one in press copy took the page press copy page two I was gonna manually do 300 pages and just 300 copies and they caught me doing that and they were just like are you fucking kidding me which I mean I was just like I just I've never seen anyone put it on top of the fucking yeah now I know I'm like we're good to go but at the time rather than just being like yeah I don't I don just like, I just have never seen anyone put it on top of the fucking thing. Yeah. Now I know, and we're good to go. But at the time, rather than just being like, yeah, I don't think.

That's the thing is when you're young like that, you don't think, yeah, this can't be the way that people make copies. What about when there's a thousand-page document? I don't know. They must just sit there all day. Like, no, you fucking morons. This is what interns do, I suppose. Right. I've never worked as an intern in an office setting, but I probably would have done that too.

Yeah. They also used to, they wanted me to change the water on, like, the water cooler. I ain't doing that. Why? Because it was just like that's – I'm going to drop it. I'm going to spill it. And I remember someone being like, yo, I told you to refill that. And I was just like, man, sorry.

I didn't get to it. You might as well just fill that up yourself, bro. I wasn't picking that thing up. Because, I mean, those ones where you've got to just, like, tip it and just hope for the best. I was like, this, whatever I'm going to get, like, heat for not doing, it'll be a lot less than if I'm, like, the guy. Like, I pull, like, a Kevin Malone with a fucking bowl of chili. Like, I'm just going to – I'm recusing myself from that role. I'm not doing it.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a house that had that. So, like, at, like, age – So white. At age five, it was it was like, my mom would be like, go fix the water. I'd be like, it was hard, but eventually I got it. I can do it one-handed now.

That's why you had the strength to throw chairs out the window. She didn't know the monster she was building. Alright, next question. Hey, Cassie. Adult child fights. Joseph, would you rather have great sex for the rest of your life or great parking for the rest of your life?

The other would basically be either if you're choosing the first one, you have to make like one loop around for parking at every time you are driving around trying to park and if you're in like a parking garage you have to like be the furthest away or just have phenomenal parking and just mess sex with us. This is easy for me. I mean, I know where you're going. Where?

John's actively not trying to have good sex. Nope, it's sex. Really? Yeah. Stunt. Because I hate picky parkers. Picky parkers. Yeah.

Like, my dad, he backs into parking spots. I'm like, what are you? You robbing a fucking bank, dude? What are you doing? Just park the fucking car. Why do we have to back into this thing? That's terrible. And then I hate people, too, who are like, well, maybe one's closer.

Just park in the first spot you see. Yeah. You're going to spend more time driving around looking for a parking spot. You're talking about, like, a parking lot or, like, street parking? I mean, I guess I don't have a car. Yeah, that's – like right now it's – I mean, but I'd imagine when you have one in Boston, that would have to be a thing, no? Like in New York, there's like alternate sides.

You know in Boston – have I talked about my parking in Boston before? No. For three years with a car, maybe more than four years, I get a ticket Every single day And I I mean I paid I paid thousands And thousands of dollars In parking tickets

And It was I have been Parking tickets shamed by you Non-stop this year Fuck you What do you mean? You kept being like

I don't even know why you have a car You keep getting tickets and shit Fuck you Well I needed a car in New York And also I wasn't I was shaming you for not paying them. I paid them.

I'd get a ticket, I'd just pay it. Yeah, I'd never pay them. I mean, like, thousands of dollars. Dude, I got out of that. I mean, I paid $2,500 that one time. I had to, like, go to court and everything. And I just did it again. Like, I just have tons of unpaid parking tickets.

Yeah. It's just I have, like, a mental block. I just won't do it. Also, I didn't always pay them. I got booted pretty often. Fuck you. But the reason was because I was – I needed to go. It would take like three hours to get my lease for my apartment,

to show that I lived in that neighborhood, to get my resident parking sticker and all that stuff. And I knew Dave just wouldn't let me have like three hours in the morning to go so for like three years i paid like 25 a ticket i probably paid like five six grand a year oh my god because i didn't want to ask dave for three hours off you know what good i mean that's a good move because it would just be like a blog written about you and all that. And people would be like, oh, you're so lazy. Yep, yep. Like, all right, I'll just pay. It was like, honestly, it might have been more than that.

I might have paid $10,000 a year to not have an awkward conversation with Dave for three to four years. That's just like the cost of parking. I might have paid $40,000 total to not have an awkward conversation with Dave. Yo, you think that you avoid conflict? You think that you hate your boss? You think that you – I mean that is quite possibly the most ridiculous stat of human behavior I've ever heard. It's crazy. Fucking 10 grand a year.

I don't know. I mean I basically got one every single night if it's you know for 365 days for three to four years. If it's ten dollars you're looking at thousands right there sometimes more than ten right.

Right. Holy shit man. And again a lot of times I wouldn't pay him so it doubles to 50. Right. And then a boot every now and then or a toe.

Yeah. That's 300 bucks right there. He paid like 7575,000. It's pretty fucking close. The more things I add up, the numbers go higher and higher and higher. Oh, my God. All just to be like – Three hours.

I can't come in the morning. I've got to run to City Hall. But you probably would have been fired by then. So add up your salary and subtract it. You would have lost hundreds of thousands because you would have just gotten fired because you wanted three hours off during the day. Wow. That's a fucking story.

Yeah, so good sex. I'm taking good sex. I'll figure out the parking. Or I'll just, yeah, I'll just take the tickets. I mean, that's what I do now. It's a pain in the ass when you have alternate side. I have alternate side parking at my place. You know my place.

It's like a little tree-lined suburb street. I've never seen a cleaning company come street i've never seen a cleaning company come i've never seen a cleaning machine come by once it's just 8 to 12 on wednesdays and thursdays and the street is dirty as fuck there ain't no street cleaning going on it's just a fucking sign that we all have to abide by by the way the number and loss i'm just pushing the button when you have street cleaning when you like when you have a car on the street that's something that will never leave you i still wake up in a a panic when I hear a street cleaner outside in the morning. I'm like, did I move my car?

I was like, fuck! I've lived in New York for three years now. It's like when you have a nightmare about you missed your finals in high school. I've never had that. You've never done that? I've definitely had that. That's one cliche that I definitely am like, oh, I'm not going to pass. That's so weird.

It's weird when those things really do play out in real life and the cliches come true uh yeah i mean i'll figure it out though i'm trying to get my rocks off bro all right uh time to get into these interviews but first up big announcement we're going back to the big stage baby we are going back to broadway bike we're going back literally back to broadway k KFC Radio is coming back to Broadway after, what, a two-plus year hiatus. We are back in the live game. I'm very excited. Me too. I mean, I think I'm the one who's been holding us up.

I've been a pussy about it. And now that we're finally doing it, I anticipate this just being, like, kind of hopefully the new chapter of our careers where it's just like we also are just live performers. I've actually really been thinking about it recently because of all live radio and i'm like this is i can do this that's the thing i agree with that like i used to be nervous about even doing that and now i just show up to cowboy jacks or hurricanes wherever you're at and it's just like oh i don't even care anymore it was hurricanes hurricanes is a bar so i didn't think about it

so much there but we were in st St. Louis. Like a forum. Yeah, they have a green room. They have artists come perform, like musicians come perform there. We were on a stage. And the people were loving it, and they were gravy. So we're going back to Caroline's on Broadway here in New York City. July 10th is the date. If you are on Barstool Gold, you get first crack at the tickets,

which, I mean, to be honest, there's only 300 seats. So I don't know how many people are on gold who are in new york or around that day but if you want to make sure you get tickets to this you can sign up barstoolgold.com slash kfc it'll be open to the public uh probably 24 hours cheap tickets 25 bucks gonna be a heck of a night it's yeah it the past couple you know the wilbur was uh part of the couch tour and it was a thousand people the whole company came. This is just like, we're,

you know, the standup comedians who go to these, the Gotham and the laugh factory and all these places like regularly and just do live performances. That's kind of where we want to land and, and just do a, you know, regular performances there.

Eventually we'll build back up to a tour. We'll probably go on the road a little bit, do some of the hotspots on the Northeast at least. But, uh, we'll be doing, it's going to be like a live podcast. We're not stand-up comedians, but it's also not just like you're going to come and

listen to us just do the podcast. We got guests. We got a little bit of Answer the Internet involved. We got some crowd participation planned. We got some audio-visual elements up on the big screen. So think of it as just like a barstool live experience where the blogs that we write, the social media posts that we put out there, the topics we talk about on radio and podcasts, the videos we watch, all of this is going to be coming to life on stage.

So the first of hopefully many to come and the first of hopefully a whole new chapter for KFC Radio. I mean, we've proven we could do it. We did it. I mean, I did a couple at the stand. We did one at Caroline's. We did, uh, the Wilbur, which sells out a thousand. So we're kind of just going back to the medium level, 300 something people. And, uh, we're going to start growing that whole branch of KFC radio.

So it's time. It's been time. I don't know what, why I've been dragging my feet, but we're back. So, uh, check out Barstool gold right now. Um, well at noon today, if depending on when you're listening. And you can get yourself some tickets July 10th at Caroline's. I believe it's 8 p.m. So there will be plenty of time to do what you do. A happy hour first.

You come see us. We'll go out afterwards. It should be a good night. So check it out. I'm very much looking forward to it. Sign up. My dad said he might come sneaky down again. I told him no.

Ooh, that son of a bitch. So if you're in New York or if you're nearby and you want to make the trip, I suggest doing it on July 10th. It's a Wednesday, so you don't have to worry about losing a summer weekend. So come on through. Check out KFC Radio Presents, answer the internet, whatever it may be. It's a new era, bro. Let's do these interviews.

We'll start off with – who do you want to start off with? Juice? Juice. We'll do a little Theo Rossi for all the Sons of Anarchy fans. We got – He's Deuce. Deuce is – He's Deuce in the movie Vault.

Deuce and Deuce? Yeah. That's awesome. He seems like a fucking cool-ass dude. I'm sad that I missed him. Deuce is very, very, very cool. He is – it's brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club.

They've been around since Feidelberg was paying tickets to avoid talking to Dave. So almost as a thank you, I'd like you to get down with Dollar Shave Club if you haven't yet. If you haven't, I don't know what you're doing because when it comes to toothpaste and toothbrushes, to hair products, to razors, to shaving cream, everything, face cleansers, anything you need in your bathroom, they've got it, and they'll deliver it right to you. So you never have to go to the store. You never have to overpay. They've got good quality products that get sent right to you, and they pass on any of the savings.

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All right. We are here with Theo Rossi. True. Deuce. The Vault. Out tomorrow. Yep. On demand and in theaters.

Yep. Now, before we get into that, we were just talking about David Ortiz before we started. Yeah. And how it was just a straight, it was reported robbery immediately. First of all, you're a Staten Island guy, so are you a Yankee guy? I am. But you still have love for Ortiz. Yeah.

See, that's what I'm talking about. That's how beloved David Ortiz is. And there are a few people – I think I'd give you Jeter. There are a few other Yankees where I'd be like – I'd come in and see a Yankee fan and I'd be like, God damn, man, that's fucked up what happened last night. How could you not like Big Papi? Like I don't – just to have the respect level, but also because of how authentic he was and

his personality and what he did there, obviously the three World Series, whatever, all that. But nobody does that anymore. Like you say, Jida, it's like people don't, they don't become the face of an organization and stay there forever. Right, right. That kind of used to be like the thing, right? And with Papi, that's why I think this was so disturbing because he's truly, like, one of the most beloved players

in an era now of the last 10 years or 20 years where people aren't as, they're more forgettable. We don't have these giant superstars. He's a superstar. Especially in baseball. Other sports, I think, still have that larger-than-life character. Baseball, the best player in baseball right now is Mike Trout, and he could come in here and punch me in the face.

I wouldn't tell the cops. I don't know who it was. Yeah, I agree with that. But we were talking – well, also, aside from just staying with it, what makes him so awesome is his personality. And I thought that watching the video where it's like he doesn't have security. And, again, this is probably ill-advised now, but no security, no special section, just a guy chilling at the bar with his people, and someone ran up and shot him,

which was immediately reported as a robbery. No. Clearly was just a guy chilling at the bar with his people, and someone ran up and shot him, which was immediately reported as a robbery. No. Clearly was not a robbery. There's not a single chance in all of hell and heaven that that was a robbery. It was an assassination attempt. 100%. Now, my question that stems from that, could you be assassinated? How big do you have to be to be assassinated?

For anybody to care? To call it a killing Versus an assassination I mean I think if I was Assassinated at this moment Like right here As I was walking out It might make like A few small news outlets But would people call it

An assassination Or if Theo Rossi was killed? They might think I got killed by accident They would have to find Like a deep history Of why I've been assassinated What did I do in my life

That I've been assassinated? Because to be assassinated You've had to have in my life that I've been assassinated? Because to be assassinated, you've had to have done something. Right. Well, I mean, you've done a lot. That's why I ask. Yes, I'm saying, but someone to put a contract on my head? Like, it would have to be like, what did I do to get that contract? Well, I actually, there was a viral video recently that I don't know if you saw.

It was this kid. He's probably, let's say, 18 to 21 at a gas station in Idaho. He's probably Let's say 18 to 21 At a gas station In Idaho Right He's wearing A son's cup Did he get assassinated? And some Some real biker

Comes up videoing him Like screaming at him Like who the fuck Do you think you are? You haven't earned that People die for these Types of things Maybe

An unruly biker gang Not one of the major clubs It would have to be A small club Because we get so much love From all the majors So That's a very good possibility that I portrayed a biker on an outlaw, an outlaw biker and a younger outlaw biker trying to make his bones.

Am I setting up my own murder here? Is this what's happening? That's really what the whole plan is. Is somebody getting this idea right now? We have someone out in a van right outside the door right now. Is there a young biker in the middle of the country listening to this going, this is a good way for me to get my patch? Assassinate Juice.

This is going to be the most downloaded podcast of all time. When you walk outside the door, we have someone ready to kill you in exactly the fashion you predicted. Theo Robson predicted his own patch. Take that, Juice. All of a sudden, it's like, oh, my God, he predicted it. He Machiavelli-ed his own Tupac, his own death. Look, we'll both be legends after that.

This would be the greatest. I'll have a huge podcast. You'll be like. I'd be dead. Right? Yeah, but. But I'd be a legend. Yeah, absolute legend.

I mean, I love it. See what happens. See how it goes. Speaking of legend, you've worked with so many people. Yeah. If you had to, so many tough people, obviously. You do. That's what you excel in. Criminals. In that role. Right? Criminals, yes. Yeah. If you had to so many tough people. Yeah. So you do. That's what you excel in.

Criminal role. Right. Criminals. Yeah. And now if you had like real life people, people you've worked with, sons, Luke Cage, the vault. Now, if you had to pick like four dudes who are the most badass you've worked with, who is that? The toughest people I've ever worked with physically like as in they could throw down and and beat on you um i gotta tell you man charlie honham's super tough killing it in brazilian jiu-jitsu super just tough even before that like we used to do this punching machine you know that one with the the bag yeah we would do that he was me and him would go at it he he hits like a truck he's super heavy-handed um so i would definitely put uh chuck i could see that because i i always i still to this day you know i was a huge suns fan but still this day when i hear childhood i still always picture

him in green street yeah so that's that's uh a guy Yeah, no, he's super tough from Newcastle. Just a tough dude in general. So I would say him. I think the toughest people are people that will just, they would rather die than lose. So I would probably put Happy in that, DL, who played Happy. He's just crazy enough to just go until the lights are out like he's gonna go the whole time um that's we had we had a kid in middle school who was like

that he was this little kid and my middle school was towards the bottom of the hill and it was like you basically you walked up and that's where the fights would be yeah and this kid was small little kid and he used to get in a fight every single day with the same kid. He'd get his ass kicked every single day. Toughest kid in the world. Still just waiting there. At the top of his head. Let's go again. Let's go again.

We used to do it. You fucking monster. Dude, you have to stop. Yeah, ours was meet at the smokestack. We used to go meet at the smokestack. It means you're going to square up with someone. You're going to go to the smokestack. Everybody's going to watch.

So there was always. You meet there a lot? I used to love. I was a weirdo. I used to actually just totally enjoy fighting When I was a kid Really? Yeah Like when I was little

Up until my teenage years I don't know why I still do to this day Yeah Not real fights Nobody does it anymore Not like bar fights But like we have

I have like two people in the office I wrestle with every day Yeah no Like that was the thing In the neighborhood Like people You would just fight You would slapbox

You would fight You would do whatever It would be a physical nature And now I don't think that That's like a thing anymore. Like people don't do that. Like I have two little sons who are four and two. And they beat the hell out of each other.

And, you know, I kind of let it go. Like let them fight. Like I want them to do that because I don't want them to be like scared of contact and all. So my third would be, as crazy as it sounds, Alfre Woodard from Luke Cage, who I worked with, is she is as tough as they come. Really? Yeah, she played Mariah on the show. She's super tough.

She's an incredible actress and an incredible human, but she's also like an incredibly just tough inside and out human being that I think makes her so spectacular and brilliant. So I'm going to throw her in there. That's a good one. Those are my three. That's a strong three. I'm surprised not to see Marilyn Manson on the list.

No, no, no. He's fucking huge. He's a big guy. I had, I would have, if I had to guess,

I would have had Marilyn Manson and Ron Perlman on the list. No, I love Ronnie. Softie. No, just different. I'm talking. No,

I'm just saying it's different now, right? It's different. You're talking about like going in right now, and we're going to be going in? No, I don't. He's got those bad hands. Yeah, he's got bad hands. He's got a bad back.

I don't know what's going to happen. Bad everything. He's got that jaw. I feel like that jaw takes a lot. He's tough. Ron is super tough. Like Ron, when he was young you know i i can imagine um but yeah no i've been i've been listening i've been around some real tough dudes uh uh and worked with some tough dudes the film one of the films i just finished that that i can't

speak about so no one asked about it i think uh on the year the years on this yeah i just totally i totally want to just throw that out there uh The years on the set of the – because they hire all ex-cons. It's this incredible, incredible project that I'm involved in and a lot of the producers are involved. And I think there was 130-something years served on the crew. Really? From different grips, camera guys, PAs, and even some of the actors in it. And, I mean, these were some of the toughest human beings.

And at the same time, some of the greatest people I've been around, some of the most genuine, most authentic. And a lot of them were falsely and wrongly incarcerated. So the point is a lot of them had done like 17 years, 20 years. Tough. Just tough. Super tough. When are you going to get to the rom-com world?

That's what you need to do. I'm trying, man. Are you trying? I would love to. You know, listen, I would love to go into work one day. I think my wife would love it too, and probably every single person that's in my orbit and knows me. I would love to go to work and not have to like –

Fight? No, just like torture myself mentally, physically, and everyone around. I did my last film, last last film two films ago i did most of the film with like a rock in my shoe and a clamp on my back because my guy had been stabbed and i had been shot so like i was torturing myself it's not a pleasure to be around that's awful it's not pleasure is that regular to do that or are you are you like you going above and beyond with that like you can just walk a limp like you don't need a rock come on but it's not real i mean it's the eyes never let's do a lip right now like look at this right let me see your lip

that's such a false lip that's completely first of all you did the same movement twice that doesn't happen right you did literally you you mimic the same move. When you are truly hurt, you don't know which way that leg's going to go. It's a bullet wound I'm used to having. I've gotten around to it. That was really bad. I need to see it real. Now if you took your shoe off and you

put a little cut in your foot, you would be in a lot of pain. You're a lunatic, huh? You have to, man. The eyes don't lie. You can watch things now and you could see falseness in people's of pain you're a lunatic huh you have to man don't lie you can watch things now and you could see falseness in people's eyes when you're watching it is that because hd because of hd because of 4k only ad whatever it is yeah no i just think that if they don't believe it how can anybody else believe it that's i mean you're right but i i just didn't realize that i i wouldn't fault you if you're like look i tried my didn't realize that i i wouldn't fault you

if you're like look i tried my best on the limp what do you want me to do it's like when people try a boston accent it's like guys it's hard when i try new york has that same problem it's it's weird it's like and it's the only accent i can do is every accent i ever try and do just always comes back to boston even if i try and do it like a russian accent eventually it's like a guy from moscow who moved to boston yeah 20 years ago i think what the boston thing too is it's like a guy from Moscow who moved to Boston 20 years ago. I think with the Boston thing too is it's been made into like Saturday Night Live did it as a certain comedy act that it becomes almost larger than what it is. So it's like every time you hear somebody doing it, you think they're like making fun of it. It's like when somebody like if I'm around when I lived in LA for like 15 years, somebody do a New York accent when they're around you and you're like, please stop. Don't do that.

It sounds awful. Like, what are you talking about? What's going on? It's like, oh, God. Nobody sounds like that. Stop doing that. New York accent when they're around you and you're like, please stop. Don't do that. It sounds awful. They're like, what are you talking about? What's going on? It's like, oh, God. Nobody sounds like that. Stop doing that. New York accents, too, I feel like they even don't even – they try to make it body, too, where it's like, no, no one talks like this.

No one talks like that. Why are you running your hands in the air like that? They just watch too many movies. That's the problem. Now, speaking of Boston, The Vault. Providence. Providence, right? Vault. Everybody keeps saying The Vault. I'm going to go with Vault. Is it The Vault. Providence. Right? Vault.

Everybody keeps saying the vault. I'm going to go with vault. Is it the vault? Just vault. Vault. Okay. Get rid of the. Yeah.

Okay. You're like. I don't mind that you say that. You dropped the Facebook, right? Yeah. Just vault. One word. One word.

Vault. No. You know, listen. Providence. You know it well. Rhode Island. Craziest thing. 1975.

Largest unsolved bank heist in history. These blue-collar, run-of-the-mill criminals, these two dudes who formed this crew, go in to rob this bonded vault, this furrier, thinking they're going to get gold chains and a few watches and stuff like that and come out with $34 million,

which is equivalent to a couple hundred million now. He was 176. Yeah, that. There you go. Research. 176 million in today's world. These two idiots go in thinking they're doing this normal thing and come out with $34 million. That comes a host of problems when you get that much money at that time.

What's crazy about Providence that I didn't know going into this was they were the third largest organized crime mafia in the country new york providence chicago still crazy raymond patriarchy was running everything like literally he had boston on lock he was doing stuff for new york and here he is in the smallest state you know in the union whatever it is running everything all doing most of the the dirty work in the small estate, you know, in the union or whatever it is, running everything, doing most of the dirty work in the United States. And all that money, that was a mob bank that they robbed. So where you track this guy and you go through for 90 minutes of this movie, my character Deuce, who, you know, kind of orchestrates this whole thing and goes through it, is what

occurs with him after that. And it's crazy. It's crazy and fun and dark. See, how long would you last on the run after that? I think I'd last a long time. You think you would? Yeah. Where do you go?

You go north or south? I have OCD. I'm savvy. You're savvy? Yeah. I would get in and out of places. I'm multiple ethnicities. I could slip into things.

You wouldn't even know who I was. Would you to mexico would you go you go hit the caribbean i think you jump into mexico is the move right because everybody's worried about you know all this nobody's worried about people running out so i just go right in there's no tracking system there you can just get in nobody's gonna apprehend you you know pay off a couple of uh cartel guys you know get some protection just go underground. I think – but you'd stay in Mexico for good after that. No, I think I'd try to move around. You just can't get – like you got to stay away from – you can't go to any of these major metropolises.

Yeah. You can't – and you can't go to any vacation spots. You know what I'm saying? It sounds like it's not even worth having money if you ask me. No, I think there's some beautiful places that nobody goes to. I would go to some cool places that no – first of there are some dope spots in mexico that you can go just go live on the beach and chill you know you just got to stay away from everything there's no cell phones you can't talk to people you just gotta cut it sounds like heaven to me i mean i mean it

sounds it sounds great but it's one of those things where i can't even picture myself having the money because i'm like it would be great if I had a ton of money. But even in this hypothetical, I'm like, you'd get caught, you fucking idiot. You won't need a lot of the money. But you still need a lot of money. Not if you're living in some small town in Mexico and you're chilling out on the beach and you're drinking coconut water and going surfing. You're hanging. I guess it's like with the old proverb about the Mexican fisherman where the businessman comes down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great proverb. It's a great proverb. I know that one. So I guess it is like that, but I'd still like – then what's the point of the bank robbery? I'm not going – I'm telling you right now, if something happens, go your own way because I'm not going on the wrong way. You have completely – you would give up in a second. You would completely just turn yourself in.

Theo, I wouldn't even do the robbery. I'd get in there. I'd be like, wait, it's a bunch of furs and stuff? I'm out. I'm out. I was just for cash. I don't want to go. There's $34 million in cash.

Oh, it's $34 million in cash plus the jewels and everything else too? Oh, okay. It wasn't really a furrier. It was underneath it. I do that. I do that. It was that, but I thought a lot of it was in jewels and things like that. Cash, jewels, everything.

All right. Then that's fine. I'll take the cash. You take the jewels things like that. Cash, jewels, everything. All right. Then that's fine. I'll take the cash. You take the jewels. We'll go our own way. Okay. But you're definitely going on your own. I want nothing to do with you on the run.

You're only holding me back. I see it already. I mean, I'm only holding everyone in my entire life back. Now we're getting to the deeper issue here of what this really is about. This is not going on the run. This is you having. Yeah, this is a therapy session, baby. Intervention.

Maybe people are going to walk through the door right now. They deal with me as an intervention right before you walk outside. They saw that limp and they're like, we're getting in there. It's gone off the rails. Now, you have there. I mean, there are a couple of like big names in this movie. Yeah. Don Johnson.

Yeah. Chaz Palmatari. I was just with him. You were just with him? Yeah, we just did an interview thing together. Are you ever like nervous? Is there anyone who makes you nervous on set with them? Like, I mean, those are two You were just with him? Yeah, we just did an interview thing together. Are you ever nervous? Is there anyone who makes you nervous on set with them? I mean, those are two legends.

No. No? No. I get caught up sometimes. Never when I'm in the scene, I get caught up after it, if we're at lunch and stuff, and I'm just like, oh my god, I've seen a Bronx Tale like 60 times. And I'm like, he was talking to Kaiser Soze.

And like, he's usual suspects, and all that stuff. And then, you know, with Don, he's like, was talking to Kaiser Sose. And like, he's usual suspects and bullets over Broadway and all that stuff. And then, you know, with Don, it's that same thing with Django and even back in the day, Miami Vice and all that. And now the Watchmen and all that. You just get, I always think it's weird in this business. Like for me, I see people and I'm like, oh man, like I've seen them so many times and then they're in front of you. And it's just odd because there's a lot of people you don't picture coming alive in your dojo, in your realm and all that.

But no, never when I'm working. When I'm working, I'm fortunate enough where I can just kind of be in what I'm doing. But it's after it where I get like... Is there anyone who's ever made you, even on set where you're like, fuck, I got to bring my shit right here because this is... No, when I was younger, when I when i was doing sons i'll never forget uh i was doing sons and i was still figuring it all out and i was doing a scene with katie segan i was like that's peg bundy i was like this is so cool i was like it was one of those where i was like i've seen married with children i'd be fucked up but come on like late at night and i'm watching a thousand times like this is cool this is just cool like you have that moment but no i didn't uh no even with manson and all that it's

just like again he's normal right what's your definition of normal like i i feel like he's that he's an act right also hang on i buried the lead with this entire interview to be honest how many ribs you got i think he has them all. He's got all of them? I mean, that's a David Bowie thing, isn't it? Is it a Bowie thing, too? It's a Bowie. That was before my time.

When I was growing up, it was a Manson thing. It started with Bowie. It moved on to Manson? Yeah. No, it started with Bowie. Really? Yeah, from what I could tell, and I only know because he was pressed against me, is he seems to have them all.

You know, listen. Definitions of normal change. Is he normal? He's as normal as someone named Marilyn Manson who's a rock singer who's been controversial and also is like a thing, an entity, can be in this world i mean where do you go it's like being shack right it's like being shack and like walking around like how could everybody knows it's you you're shack you can't hide out right so it's like i think when you're in that public eye of constant man you know eminem as they call him on set, Eminem's not hiding out anywhere.

He's Manson. Yeah. And he's very unique in that. Oh, fuck. I thought you were kind of making an analogy with, like, Eminem. No, we call him Eminem. They call him Eminem. Yeah.

That's confusing. It's very confusing. Eminem's a very popular. What if I just started calling you Madonna? I don't think it matches with my initials, but sure. Yeah, I mean, you know. It doesn't fit. You're right.

Call me Tito Red for Theo Rossi, and then I might be like, oh, is he talking to me? You know, but, I mean, Eminem, Marilyn Manson. Yeah. Yes, but no. I'm still right here. Okay. Or just Manson. Manson.

Manson would be better. Okay. Now, before we let you go, you do a shitload of charity. I do. How did that? That's my image of you. Do you, Joe? Do I? Yeah. I do a shitload of charity. I do. How did that? That's with my image. Do you do? Do I? Yeah, I do a fair amount. I give the Boys and Girls Club a significant amount of T-shirts every year to sell at auctions.

It's not about the money, but what do you do? Oh, God, this is fucking over. Honestly, I tried to sign up for a Big Brother program. Didn't let me. No, I wouldn't let you. Yeah. They were like, no, I think we're all set pal thanks what about talking to people what about talking to younger people who maybe want to do what you want to do and kind of giving them advice of what you've

come through and telling them not to do this this and this helping them guide them in the right way wrong person asked i mean someone wants to come ask me sure i'll help you out but not getting good advice right you're saying that your advice might actually make it worse for them. Yeah, my advice has someone else. Okay. That's the best I can do for you. You're going to say, I don't know anything. Yeah, I don't know shit. I just fucking... You're winging it. Can you not tell who else?

I could, actually. Yeah, I didn't want to say anything. No, but you got the Boots campaign. Yeah, I did stuff with that, yeah. And then you built three homes after Sandy. Sandy, yeah. We raised that half a million dollars, yeah. No the Boots Campaign. Yeah, I did stuff with that, yeah. And then you built three homes after Sandy. Sandy, yeah. We released at half a million dollars, yeah. No big deal.

Nope. And then you also have, you're involved with PETA. PETA, Humane Society, any actual, anybody who's doing anything for animal welfare or the protection of animals, I think, is, you know, if the animals go, we go. And I just, I feel like, you know, at this point, if you're torturing animals, you're basically, you know, an eyelid hair away from a serial killer. Yeah, I bet that's true. You know, and that goes for in any way. I mean, where we factor in torture is like, you know, sometimes in the way we create our food, you know,

obviously cosmetics, all this kind of stuff. So I'm always big on, like, just trying to give a voice to the voiceless. And then also, you know, just in everything we do from, you know, this thing, uh, one of the organizations, a very special place that we help out, you know, people with developmentally disabled, you know, disabilities and really kind of, you know, just trying to do the thing we put them, we did a movie called bad hurt, where we really were just spotlighting, you know, some of the struggles and things that people don't know. Um, and we did a movie called bad hurt where we really were just spotlighting, you know, some of the struggles and things that people don't know. Um, and we did a,

you know, we raised a ton for that organization and, just every day. It's like anything I can help out in any way. Now we did a stuff with prison reform, you know, the mass bailout program. Yeah.

You got to chill out, man. I know. I got to stop. I gave you shirts. The boys and girls got your following stuff with this. But no, man. You know, it's like me and Bernthal

did the street dog campaign for rescuing the street dog. It's just like, listen, man. Which one's your least favorite? My least favorite? Like, which one are you like, I'm almost out on this. Anything to do with celebrities.

Anything where celebrities are involved. No, no. I don't, you know. At this point, I don't have one. Okay, celebrities are involved. No, I don't. At this point, I don't have one. Okay, that's good. If we did something for mosquitoes, I'd probably be like, that's terrible. I don't want to help out mosquitoes.

That's fair. They're at the top of the list of archenemies. Right? We all agree? Yeah, no, I definitely agree. There's nothing good about a mosquito. I feel like someone would, like, after this airs. Well, you're never going to hear it because you're going to die. No. I'm done.

I'm finished. But once it airs. Play it for me. Yeah, yeah. The afterlife. I'll do your eulogy. Yeah, that's where you should play it. But I feel like someone will be like, you guys are idiots.

The mosquitoes are very important to the ecosystem. Oh, 100%. I'm sure they are, but still, fuck them. I'm just saying they cause a lot of problems. Yeah, and itching, which is worse. That's all I'm saying. But the Deuce is out tomorrow. Video on the Deuce.

I'm sorry, not the Deuce. Vault is out tomorrow. Theo Rossi. Are you drunk already? No. I'm a little like, no, but let's say yes. It could be continuous. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It could be forever. Vault out tomorrow. Video on demand. Theo Rossi is Deuce. Takes place in Providence. Check it out. All right. Big thank you demand Theo Rossi is deuce Takes place in Providence Check it out Alright big thank you to Theo Rossi

Really reminds me How awesome Sons of Anarchy was At times it got silly And it kinda ran on too long But like Man That show had some

Fucking moments dude It sucked We didn't get to the One Not one question I wanted to ask him Cause I probably didn't to the one, not one question I wanted to ask him because I probably didn't even remember it until after. But I wanted to ask him what he thought about endings.

Because I liked the ending. So do I. Of Sons. I thought that was very good. I think it's a controversial one. I thought Sons was a very good ending. No, I thought it was good. I thought it brought a full circle.

Fucking Sons. You stupid fucking idiot, John. There's nothing worse than missing an opportunity. I remember last night. The feeling of missing an opportunity to ask a question. I mean – He was like 10 minutes late, so we only had 20, so there was stuff to get to. Dude, with Lisa Ann, during the interview, we talked about it off air but on camera,

but I forgot to ask her about the thumb in the ass gif. Oh, really? That's the one thing I wanted to talk about Lisa Ann the whole time. I looked at that gif of you getting fingered in the butt millions of times and I just slipped my mind it's a brutal feeling don't be oh you know what I did ask the Russia can we get a clip of this how many ribs man on the Manson he says all could be another conspiracy though yeah I don't know about that let's talk to my man Joe Coy now if you are into uh comedy and – Joe Coy is just like – basically everything we said in the beginning of this podcast, he says the opposite. And he's just incredibly positive, and I'll let you decide for yourself.

Which I like. I need that in my life. I need my yin. The yin to the yang, yes. And I think it's somewhere in between. Like I think that Joe Coy is extremely talented and super hardworking and persistent. So when you do something that you're good at for 30 years, maybe eventually you build up the nerve to drop your life savings on it. When you're just like some schmuck out of college who's like, I got a great idea and I'm going to be the next billionaire.

It's like probably fucking not. You don't know what you're talking about yet. So he has got some stories from some A-list people and just some inspirational shit that if you're down on all our negativity, maybe Joe Coyle helped pull you back up. Uh, the, this interview with Joe is brought to you by DHM, the hangover pill. Uh,

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It's a vitamin for people who drink. Vitamins for adults. DHMdetox.com. Promo code KFC. Talk to them, Joe Coy. This is sick. Yeah, it's pretty cool, man. Good job, bro.

Thanks, man. You too. We got Joe Coy here on KFC Radio. Let's fucking do it. Let's go live. Let's go. We were just talking about the Barstool glow-up, but, I mean, Joe Coy glow-up is real as fuck, too.

You are selling out some places that are hosting or that can seat a lot of fucking people yeah yeah man yeah it's crazy because okay so i do this thing where when i sell out a venue and this is probably nerdy stuff no i don't judge me we just did a podcast uh like explaining just how nerdy we truly are from like growing up days, nostalgic nerd type shit. So I don't even think you can out nerd me. Go ahead. Let it fly. All right.

So when I sell out a huge number, I take the stool. Absolutely. That's not nerdy. That's fucking awesome. Because a lot of people think like even my sister is like another one, Joe. No. Every single spot. Yeah, man.

It's a trophy to take home, dude. It is. And it's a reminder and everything. Yeah. So I have like some legendary stools. What's like your number one? I really, the one that I always wanted was Hawaii. Yeah.

I always wanted to prove. I was just watching. It was from Hawaii. Yeah. And I got it. Yeah. So I got the stool and I went and, you know, because I sold over 20-something thousand tickets. Yeah.

Joe Coy got it like that? Yeah. I thought we were talking like 5,000. You're doing 20 grand? Yeah, yeah. It was about 22,000. There's nothing nerdy about this. Yeah, bro.

What the fuck are you talking about? And don't you dare come in here being like, wow, you guys are doing so great. I'm jealous. Fuck you, Joe Coy. I will trade spots with you in a heartbeat. You're selling 20 grand? Yeah, yeah. It was 20.

That was the first time. 20 grand, 22,000. And then the second one was close to like 23, 24. Holy shit. So five ain't nothing to you now. You're like, psh. No. So five ain't nothing to you now. You're like, no, five is like crazy because I did, you know, I'm doing like 5000 seaters like in middle America, like like like in like outskirt areas that like no one will think about going to, I guess, like like Fresno or which I'm like, why don't you go there to those markets? That's those are the people who you those people want anything you want.

Yeah. $250 a pop door. We live in fucking Fresno. What else the people who charge anything you want. $250 a pop. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Let's go. We live in fucking Fresno. What else do we have to do? Exactly. We have Sonic Burger and you.

Dude, 20, I mean, I only thought that, you know, like the Chris Rocks and like the fucking top, top. 20,000 for you. You're like the biggest in the game, man. No, I'm not the biggest in the game. Come on. You're doing numbers like that, though. Yeah, the numbers are ridiculous.

It's incredible. Yeah, it's crazy. It's just because you just tapped into that Asian market, man. There's billions of you. That's so funny. I love that you said that, too, because thank God for that demographic. You know what I mean? Don't get me wrong.

I still have that other demographic that comes. When I go to Nashville, there's no Asians that come. But I'm still selling out the theater. And then when I go to Jacksonville, Florida, no Asians. Not many Asians there. No, not at all. And it hits you right in the face. Like, I'll do this thing where I shout out my Filipino people.

And it's like, oh, hello. Thank you, sir. It's me, your long-lost uncle. It's the usher. The guy that sent everyone down. Thank you for giving me shout-outs. So, like, that's kind of cool. Yeah, man.

That the devil is very diverse. You reached well beyond it, but Jesus. Thank you. I mean, so you're rich. Oh, stop. Come on. You're rich. Don't be humble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you got the special, which is, like, I feel like like I feel like the pinnacle right now is a Netflix special. Did I tell you last time that they didn't give me the special? No. I didn't tell you that on the last podcast? I don't think so. Stop it. I didn't.

So the first special they didn't give me. Meaning what? So I have a Netflix special. It's called Live from Seattle. But they didn't give me that special. Netflix said no to me. Okay. They said no like three times

I kept asking them to come watch me And then finally the third time They were like hey look We're booked We got all our stand up specials For the rest of the year So we're going to go ahead and pass it Hopefully we'll see you next year

And see maybe the following year after that We'll give you a special So basically they were like no You know what I mean For the next three years no So I went and shot it myself Hell yeah Yeah I Everything Seattle I shot three years No So I I went and shot it myself Hell yeah Yeah I

Everything Seattle I shot that in Seattle Because I'm from Tacoma The Moore Theater Duh That's where Pearl Jam Shot their video

I had to do it there Dope And I shot it myself Every single penny Came out When you see that title Executive producer

That was me That was 100% me So I took the full on risk I tell this story all the time But wait But it's now on Netflix Well I took the full-on risk. I tell this story all the time. But wait, but it's now on Netflix. Well, I took the full-on – like when I was performing, one, I knew that it was going to come out of my pocket, everything. I was broke after that.

And then – Can I ask you how much it cost? A lot. I don't want to tell anyone because that's – No, I get it. I got to keep my hand. No, I feel you. But I'll tell you this on stage i'm smiling and laughing but in my head

i'm like dude the person i want to sell this to already said no yeah so if you can imagine the pressure yeah you know what i mean and then when i got off stage we we literally was just like we were hugging each other being my manager my agent we were just hugging because we knew we had something great but now we just had to sell it to the person that said no yeah and. And it took a while, but they finally said yes, and they bought it. They bought it as an original. Dude, that is one of the – They didn't buy it as a streaming content thing. They bought it as we own it, we produced it, and it's Netflix.

That is one of the best betting on yourself stories I've ever heard in my life. Tell me about it. But that was kind of like – To put everything – when you're broke After doing something Yeah It's like This better work Yeah And you are going up there

It's not like a Business idea Or a piece of technology Or something It's like I might be funny Or I might I might not

Like who knows I couldn't bomb that night No What if you just had an off night What would you do Oh my god dude What would you do I probably would have

Killed myself I had all in on this one I would too I would kill you for you Yeah What if you just had an off night? What would you do? Oh, my God, dude. What would you do? I probably would have killed myself. I had all in on this one. I would kill you for you. Yeah. If you called me up and said, I just put all my money into it and I bombed, I'd go kill you for you. Yeah. I'm not good of a friend. Right?

Thank God. Thank God the gods were there. You know what's crazy? It was supposed to rain, like heavy rain. It was Seattle. And we had a line wrapped around the building for the second show. And they had to wait until the first show was out. And all I kept thinking about is I'm going to have a wet audience for the second show, so I won't be able to splice this together.

Oh, no. I won't be able to splice back and forth. Yeah. And the sun came out. Like everything was in my favor. The Filipino gods were shining down on you. Oh, God, yeah. How confident were you, though, like in your material and your ability at that point?

Oh, I knew I had it. Yeah. So, like, going into it, like, yeah, you're saying, oh, my God, I put all my money into it, but you knew you were going to get it. Kevin, I knew that was the set, man. That's why I was, like, I was so hurt that they said no to it. Because in no disrespect, like, they're supposed to say no. That's their job. You know what I mean?

They know what they want. I just had to prove to them that this is what they should get and and i had a lot of friends a lot of friends that had specials that year and i just remember thinking to myself like you know i deserve one over this dude yeah no disrespect i love all my friends but i was just like yo i'm 30 games 30 years in like and my content is great like this special is good. So I had to shoot it. Yeah, that, I mean, the word special, it's supposed to be special, right? And they're not so special sometimes when you see some of the names that are getting them or some of the platforms that they're on. Yeah. But was there any grudge? Was there anybody?

Oh, no. Like, come on, like, fuck you, Netflix. I'm going to go to Amazon or something like that. Yo, I could have went that way. Yeah. I really could because the deal was there. There was people that were, like, fuck you, Netflix. I'm going to go to Amazon or something like that. Yo, I could have went that way. Yeah. I really could because the deal was there. There was people that were like bathing me. They were like, hey, come here.

But I didn't want it, man. I wanted Netflix so bad. I think that's why I said, I mean, that's how I opened up. I said, the Netflix special right now is, you know, at the moment, at least, the holy grail right now. It really is. You get that front, you know, when you just open up Netflix and someone's going to browse and it's just like, bam, Jokoi up there.

That is priceless. That's beautiful. And not only do they bam, it's Jokoi. It's bam, Jokoi in Malaysia TV. It's bam, Jokoi in Guam TV. It's bam, Jokoi in Singapore iPhone. It's like they really push the product and they believe in the product. That's what I love about Netflix.

I was in Times Square, Kevin. I saw it. My billboard, bro. That's like joe coy 100 feet by 100 feet yeah your big ugly mug yeah ugly bro bald head bald head size of a football field man and my neck falling for my chin nah you look good dude don't even you do look good don't come back that's part of it that's part of it man you got you get there. You got your swagger. You got your look. I feel it, man. It's all part of the package.

That is such a – what the fuck is that? Yeah, that's the maintenance man. There's like an earthquake going on here at Barstool HQ. That is the weirdest sound because it went from the hallway and then completely underneath us. There's like a subway underneath us right now. That, man, that is really one of the best stories of comedy success I've ever heard. Aw, thanks, man. So we just booked a spot.

We booked a date. I'm going to announce all the details later. We did a show probably like two years ago now at the Wilbur. I got that still. Yeah, that's a good one to have. So we're not stand-up comedians we you know it's we're we're doing a live podcast yeah so like the Wilbur is that's a stool for a stand-up comedian you know I was just humbled to even be in that arena and that in that venue uh and and then we just the show shook up a little bit and we just haven't gotten back on stage and it's really just because of me Just kind of being a pussy about it

I just I'm not truly a stand-up comedian And And I think people at this point When you like a podcast You'll go to just literally watch The recording of the podcast Yeah

But I want it to be something A little better than that Just an actual You know event Wait are you talking about Doing stand-up now? Are you gonna go out? No we're gonna do

It's like I don't wanna say a live podcast You'll walk out Do some time time, and then start the pod. Is that what you're thinking about? Yeah, I'm thinking about maybe like incorporating some video and some picture up on a screen, more just like a live experience. Oh, I would love that. That's kind of the thing is like I can't do stand-up comedy, but I can do this podcast thing, and I kind of want to hopefully come up with my own type of show. Yeah.

I think like two dope girls kind of do it already. They have a big set of them stage and they're kind of just conversational. There's a couple of people out there doing something similar, but I kind of would hope that I can come up with this hybrid idea. But it really has just been nerve wracking for me to go out there and do it because as good as whatever level of success I've achieved doing this, getting on stage for me is a totally different animal. Oh, you would crush it.

And not only that, man, you are going to love the payoff. You really are, bro. I'm not going to lie. Yeah? Is that? Yeah. I mean, ask any entertainer. It's like they love the stage because, one, it's fun to engage and hear the immediate response.

You know what I mean? You know when you're really being funny. See, that's the rub. That's where I think of that almost as a negative where I'm like, you know, if we tell a good story on the podcast and it's an engaging conversation, that's an entertaining podcast. You do that on stage or at a comedy club and people might be like, oh, that was good, but they're not like laughing out loud the whole time. I feel like when I'm on stage, it's supposed to be like laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.

And if I don't get that immediate reaction, I'm like, oh, shit, oh, shit, this isn't going well. I get inside my own head. I think you should get in your head because they already know the product. I know. People keep reminding me that. If they're there and they're paying money for it, they like you. They like you. They're just excited to see and witness this live.

Yeah, I know. I got to get over that. Yeah, get over that. Because you're really going to enjoy the ticket sales. Does that sound rude? I don't want my fans to think like that either. I just see dollar signs. Fuck you guys.

I mean, you got to also remember, like, we invested our lives into this. Well, so that's the thing. I mean, you said you're 30 years deep. This August for me will be 10 years at Barstool. September, 30 years for me. So that's a big difference, though,'s the thing. I mean, you said you're 30 years deep. This August for me will be 10 years at Barstool. September, 30 years for me. So that's a big difference, though, 30 versus 10, especially when most of it for me is the written word and just kind of doing radio. So part of it, you know, a lot of times I talk to Josh Wolfe,

and we've been very blessed with a lot of the stand-up comedian guests we've gotten the past year or 18 months. And a lot of these guys I get to know, and they're like, do it, man. You could do it. I'm like, you guys, sometimes I don you realize you know what it is you do i think what you guys do is like quite possibly the most difficult thing in the world i and here's the thing i'm gonna agree with you 100 yeah and so it's not that like you know you can do it it's like 30 years of practice and and work and putting your money into it, blood, sweat, and tears, bombing, all of that. Silence.

Because here's another thing. There's silence and then there's bombing. There's two different things. There's bombing where you're just not good and they're not laughing. And then there's silence where you have to also train yourself to be like, hey, they're listening. And they're here for the ride. Interesting. And you've got to really understand that.

So silence can be a positive thing. No, silence is. And I'm going to give a shout out to a very old school comic, but still in the game, Joe Torrey. He took over Martin Lawrence's spot when he, when Martin Lawrence left Def Jam, Joe Torrey became the host. And I was doing a show at the comedy store and I went up before. And it was just my thing, just like what you're saying. I got to get – I have to have an applause break.

Everything that comes out of my mouth. Yeah, it's got to be – you know what I mean? No meat, no meat. Just – I mean, go to the meat. No fat. That's what I meant. No fat. Go to the meat.

And then I got off stage thinking he was going to give me like a huge hug like, yo, man, how'd you do that? That was great. And instead he was like, hey, that was great. But sometimes you want your crowd to hear you, man. Like are they really listening to you? Right. He goes, don't be scared of silence. And that was how he ended it.

And it was a great compliment. Yeah. But it was also like a life lesson because that's the day I was like, yeah, man, sometimes you got to sit back and just enjoy what you're telling these people. Because if they're silent, that means they're on this bus ride with you, bro. So take them for a ride. Don't remember that. You don't have to be – you're already funny. The brand is funny.

Kevin is hysterical. This is a fun show. But you also have to remember that when they're listening to your pod, there's those moments where it's quiet. And they're still there. Right, right. They're still there for 90 minutes with you. Right. So that's how it's going to be live.

So you got to adjust to the silence. Don't, don't think that cause it's silence. Oh, I'm sucking up here. Cause it's going to mess you up as a, it's going to mess up your organic, uh, you being you, you're going to start becoming another person, right? Which is not, no, you can't try to force. I've always said that. Like I realized quickly early on, I can in this game in general whatever live writing blogging podcast

whatever i'm just going to be myself yes and that's working right now yeah and if ever a day comes where it changes and that's not working like so be it that's the day that like yeah i flame out because i can't i can't act i can't beat something different. So if all of a sudden the world, and we've kind of seen this, like, have you, have you changed your comedy at all as you know, the political landscape and the social landscape and people, you can't say this or you can't like, have you adjusted or taken out some jokes? It's so funny because I'm such a storyteller, man. I have to, that's why it's like when I get like a TV spot or something like that, when

my publicist comes with a TV spot, it's like like I'll go and I'll go to the clubs and work on that five minute set. But it's like the thing is, I'm not a joke, joke, TV set guy. I'm a storyteller. And each joke is probably about 10 to 15 minutes long. That's the way to be. That's the best. I love that. I feel like that's that's what I would aspire to be.

Where you're along for the ride. You're listening because there's gonna be a big payoff at the end. Exactly. But it could be interesting. It could be happy. It could be sad. There's a whole tale that goes along with it. Yeah.

That's what I love about comedy. There's so many genres. There's rap. There's country. There's pop. You know what I mean? There's classical. It's the same thing with comedy.

I don't know why people think comedy is the same genre. It's not. People are like, what are you going to talk about Trump? Because Colbert is talking about Trump. That's what Colbert does. Why don't you ask Colbert why he's not talking about his family? It's two different things. Ask Colbert why he doesn't have a puppet on his lap.

It's the same question. There's so many genres. Don't hate on a comic for doing what he loves to do and that's his passion. He's doing something that he loves to do creatively and you should applaud that, right? Hell yeah. That's my whole thing. It's like when I hear that when people go, what are you going to do the political stuff or what are you going to blah, blah. It's like what are you talking about?

I think if there's one thing that people should never criticize or speak on or tell you what to do it's stand-up comedy unless you can do it unless you're talking to a fellow comedian you know then then sure you listen to uh joe tory or whoever else has some advice or something to say but it is the number one in my mind aside from like going to war yeah if you ain't been through it don't fucking talk tell me about it tell me about do not critique or judge me if you've never been through the to the through the hole the fire we have to follow a chris rock or or or introduce a robin williams like if i can only explain to you that that type of feeling you know it's so funny because i've never seen fame before. I saw Robin Williams go up the same night as Chris Rock.

I'd never seen fame before like that. That was the best description of fame I've ever seen. And for me to be on that stage and still try to maintain my composure and still try to be funny that night, which is stupid for me to even do. I should have just threw in the towel. You know what I mean? Because I saw like there's a reason why you were there. Oh, yeah. It was the best day of my life to see Chris Rock go up.

Well, I've seen Chris go up to share the stage, but not only that, introduce Chris. You know what I mean? And then see that level of fame, just people going crazy, like just going crazy, like standing up. They wouldn't sit down. He had to tell them to sit down. And I'm like, yo, it can't get any better than this. Like, I literally said that. To Saget.

Bob Saget was there. If Bob comes on your show, remind him. Yeah, he's incredible. Bob was there. And then here comes Robin Williams. And if you thought Chris was famous, bro. That's wild. It was crazy.

Like, I literally saw firsthand. Don't get me wrong. Chris is famous. Bro. That's wild. It was crazy. Like, I literally saw firsthand. Don't get me wrong. Chris is famous. Like, it was huge, the ovation. But, bro, when Robin, like, ladies and gentlemen. Robin Williams. Robin Williams. Yeah.

What? Wow. Like, the roof exploded, bro. I mean, people ran up the stage. There was a lady that ran up to the stage, gave zero fucks with her phone, and just started taking pictures. Like, she didn't give a shit. Like, I can't believe this happened. I have to take this picture.

Yeah. That's like Michael Jackson, Britney Spears type of, like, can't go outside your fucking house. Yeah. There's famous, and then there's, like, I need body double phases type shit. Yeah, exactly. I can't even imagine the rush that you feel. And I guess – What I was trying to say with that is just like just also being able to humble yourself and also like what do you do that night? You know how much pressure that is that night?

Yeah. It's incredible. What do you do when you're Robin Williams? You know what I mean? When you're Chris Rock, when it's like – because that's a humbling moment for you. You can't be humbled anymore when you've reached, you know what I mean? I guess there's almost always somebody that you can look up to and say, well, I don't got it like that. But when you're Robin Williams, when arguably there's not someone ahead of you

that you can point to. It's like comedy nirvana. You know how many times I watch, well, first of all, how many times did I watch Bring the Pain? A million times. How many times did I watch Live from the Met? How many times did I watch Bring the Pain? A million times. How many times did I watch Live from the Met? How many times did I watch Comic Relief? It's like these two guys on stage are the reason why I do stand-up.

Like I lived and breathed that, and here I am sharing the stage with them. And I just remember when I got off stage, I called Bob up because Bob was on the side. And Bob goes, hey, bring me up because I want to bring up Robin. And I remember my heart was crushed. But how do you say no to Bob? You got to remember, this is like 15 years ago or something like that. This is way back when I was like the new guy at the Laugh Factory. You know what I mean?

You can't say no to these guys. But they say it goes. Yeah, whatever they say, it's their house. You know what I mean? And I go, oh, Bob, really? And he goes, yeah, just bring me up. And I go, all right, cool. And I go, hey, everybody, say, it's their house. You know what I mean? And I go, oh, Bob, really? And he goes, yeah, just bring me up. And I go, all right, cool. And I go, hey, everybody, Bob sang it.

So Bob went up, and they riffed for a while. And then Bob came off stage, and I hugged him. And I was like, this is great. He was like, yeah, this is amazing. I can't believe this is happening. Like, he was even excited. Yeah. And then Robin said goodnight, and he walked off stage.

And I remember looking at him, and I go, I really wanted to bring you up. As I was passing him, and I hugged him, and I go, I really, really wanted to bring you up, Robin. But thank you for coming tonight. And then I went on stage. He goes, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about? Here, come on. Let's go. Come on.

I'll stand on this line. And then you bring me up. And he made me bring him up. It was the coolest thing. So I reintroduced him. He came out and then we riffed for like five minutes. Me going back and forth with him. I wish there was video, man.

I wish, you know. Where was this? That was at the Laugh Factory. God. One of the best nights of my life, man. That's like, you know, that's like having a catch with Babe Ruth or shooting hoops with Jordan or something like that. Yeah. Like I introduce you.

We riff on stage. Yeah. I think with Jordan or something like that. Yeah. Like I introduce you. We riff on stage. Yeah. I think there's just something about like took a picture with him. And then. Oh, I started to jump on. No, no. But I want to finish the story because it was even more. It was even crazier because his car got towed.

And I thought that was the crazy. Wow. Yeah. He drove a Toyota Prius. No. And he parked it in front of the laugh factory and they towed and I thought that was the craziest thing. He drove a Toyota Prius and he parked it in front of the laugh factory and they towed it. And I was like, no one watched this man's car. You gotta put, like, your license plate

needs to say, like, Robin Williams or something. Or put a sticker out there. Outside the laugh factory, it's Robin Williams' car. You don't fucking touch it. You don't touch this car. This is Hollywood. You don't touch it. And I remember he was like, oh, my car's gone. And I was just like, it went from the king

to like, just another person. I gotta get my car out of it. Like, he's gonna have to go to the impound and deal with those assholes and pay the money. That's hilarious.

Right? There's something about the stand-up comedy world, though, it's like, I think that's why it works. Yeah. That's why you get to that level.

It's like, just the quirky, like, yeah, you drive a Toyota Prius for some reason yeah and you got to go to the impound and that's probably like gonna be in his next set you know yeah it's like there's something to the especially as a storyteller you're like your your life being your material yeah i always thought like that was nerve-wracking for me i guess what i'm learning here is i tend to be nervous about all these things rather than embracing them. But, like, what if, you know, I used to be single, and I was partying and, like, out and about and meeting people. And even just physically, like, I'm commuting every day, and I'm doing. So I have stories occurring.

And then I get married and have kids, and it's like, you know, my life is just back and forth. And it's different stories, but I was like, what if my life is less interesting or I don't have any – Yeah, but I guess what I'm realizing is that it's like no matter what walk of life, there's the quirks of it and the craziness of it. And not only that, bro. It's all relatable. You know what I mean? That's what I love the most about – I just came from AOL Build, right? And they opened up the floor for questions, and there was this black gentleman that still goes, hey, I'm a huge fan.

And to the point where my wife and I watch your special all the time. And every time we mess up, she goes, are you fucking kidding me? And that's my mom. Yeah. And that's what I that's what I love the most is that here's a black man that relates to my mom. Right. Who everyone thinks is, oh, you won't get it because she's Filipino. So that doesn't really. Yeah, it does.

Everybody can have. Yeah. Everyone has that mom. My mom curses when she gets mad at me. And I'm pretty sure there's other guys out there that have a mom that talks to her that way. And they identify. Yeah. And they relate.

And that's what they enjoy. That relatability when you like hit a moment or a joke or a story. Yeah. Where you know everyone's going, yup. Uh-huh. Me too. Exactly. It feels so good. It feels so good.

Do you subscribe to the idea that you need to like have gone through some bad shit, some dark shit, some heavy shit to really as a stand-up comedian like excel? I think – okay. So I hear that a lot. There's a lot of closet deep secrets. You know what I mean? This dude went through some shit. For that style of comedy, yeah. But I also feel like even though the storytellers

or whatever it is, for some reason, we gravitate towards that outlet yeah because we also keep a lot of stuff inside and for the let it out we want it to be funny and we use the stage to let that stuff out it's like a therapy session it's a therapy session man it really is that's why when i did that joke about you know my sister getting kicked out at 17 and i do this joke on live from seattle where i you, how my mom was describing her. Oh, you're not going out with friends. You're just giving your peck peck away.

Like it starts throwing. You know what I mean? Like I made that situation funny, but I remember doing that for my sister and my mom at Vegas when I performed it because I was so nervous to do it because it was a real situation. Right. And I was like, are they going to get offended? Are they going to tell me no? Like I was so scared. Do you ever clear that kind of stuff?

Huh? Would you ever clear that with them first? Well, that's what I'm saying. That's why I did it in front of them. Because if my sister would have came back and go, hey, that's not cool. Like, yeah, I would have dropped the joke. But they both were like, that was funny. Yeah.

And it takes it takes a supportive like family and friends, I think, to – when you're in that comedy world. Yeah. There are times on the podcast – I'm not, like, outing anybody ever, but it's like, I hope you don't mind if I said that because I'm going to because I know how fucking funny it's going to be. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm like a goddamn slave to the joke or the laugh or the whatever. Yeah. You know, it's – that is the funniest stuff to me is the real-life relatability stuff.

Me too I also have to bring it back some Because when I did that joke About my sister getting kicked out I want to give the rawness of it But I also want to make sure That I'm not going to put all of it out there You know what I mean I remember when I got off stage in Vegas

And my sister literally walked up to me And she goes, you know, that's not how it really went down. Right. Like she like, you know, first of all, I'm not going to tell why you got kicked out. But but, yo, you know, I got to I got to get I got to make it a little G rated. I don't want to put it all out there. Right. So like my sister was only upset because she wanted everyone to be on her side, not mom's side like you know it was mom's fault right like basically telling me to like yeah but you know you need to shit on mom because i didn't just move out because i got my period and

i thought i was a woman okay like mom was a bitch and you need to say it and i'm like no i'm not gonna say that like everyone knows mom's a fucking two sides to every story man right oh but my sister was like yo you need to like really ring her out and really tell everyone why okay why did i graduate not living at home why was i a homeless senior it's you know what it maybe maybe it's not a dark story or a deep dark, but it is stories like that where it's like there's got to be a little drama. There's got to be a little something because if it's just like vanilla, it's like, I don't know. That's not going to play. Because I was really scared to do that joke because of two things. One, because I make my mom out to be just like this hard-nosed but yet loving lady.

But then I'm going gonna talk about her kicking her daughters out at 17 like i could easily just like break that that that character you know like people would be like turn against her like right you know that's fucked up yeah fuck your mom yeah your mom there's something wrong with your mom right it was two daughters right like i can understand it was the first daughter she did it again what? Yeah, your mom goes hard. Yeah, my mom goes hard in the paint. Hard. She's Charles Barkley.

My mom wore the number 34 her whole life. The round mound, the rebound. Man, it was her. Godzilla was the only thing that could back her down. I love it, man. That whole – I feel like everybody who's been in the game as long as you have, if you've been talented enough and blessed enough to have the longevity, you just come across some stories. Yeah.

And I think that is – maybe it's because it plays like the Laugh Factory where it's like, you know, it could be a little hole in the wall that you'll still get people popping in. That's my favorite. Yeah. It's like when you hear, you know, Chappelle all of a sudden just popped up out of nowhere during people popping in. That's my favorite. Yeah. It's like when you hear, you know, Chappelle all of a sudden just popped up out of nowhere during his hiatus. It's an addiction,

bro. Yeah. Right. It really is, man. There's a, there's a reason behind that, man.

Like, you know, when you, you sell out an arena, holy shit, this is amazing. I can't believe this is happening. And then,

and then there's like, yo, I wonder what this coffee house is like. Yeah. Because it's so scary. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's six people in here. What do you think? Three coffee house is like. Yeah. Because it's so scary. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's six people in here.

What do you think is worse? Three of them are comics. Yeah. Would you rather do that or like 20 grand? Oh, I love it. Yeah. I love it, man. When I was practicing my cordon set, there's this thing called the lab at the improv, which

is basically the bar. They turn the bar into a comedy club. And there's literally like six, seven people. And they're not even sitting next to each other. It's literally like the furthest table apart. If they all laugh at the same time, it doesn't even matter. You got them. Yeah.

And that's the best place to work it out, I think. Because you're getting a genuine laugh. They're not there because they're your fans. They had no idea you're there. And actually, to be honest, they don't even know who you are. Right. Yeah. We're here for beer.

Yeah. You're actually just bothering me. But I'd have to be funny you are. Right. Yeah, we're here for beer. Yeah. You're actually just bothering me. But that happened to be funny along the way. We were shopping, and we wanted a beer. Dude, incredible stuff, man. That is – I think you should do it, Kevin. No, I mean, we're definitely going to do it.

We're locked in now. Like I said, I'm going to give all the details a little bit later. Have you been going up? Have you been – No, that's the thing, is that this is our first uh you know for like getting back into it so yeah you know it's gonna be a work in progress and it's gonna kind of be like those those people who come to that first show are like you know the realest of the real for us like they are so down with it that uh you know those would be the people we kind of

groom it with and see if my whole this whole idea of coming up with like a hybrid show worked but you're such a good talker so my only suggestion you, if you want to like slowly get into it, is open up the floor, bro. Thank you. Yeah. Like a lot of comics would be like, don't do that because that's like feeding the lions. You know what I mean?

Whenever you give the – okay, whenever you give the audience the opportunity to – once you give them a voice, you have to be like the conductor. You've got to be able to control that voice. That's another skill set. So that's the only thing I've got to warn you about. It's like once you open up that floor, you're literally – You kind of lose control of the power. You've literally said, hey, you guys, the stage is open.

Yeah. Everyone join in. Right. Yeah. Fuck me. Go ahead. Give it to me. No, that's so that that's the only thing but you're so good at just conversating and coming up with stuff like the way we talk you'll be able to do that with with your audience and they'll respect it too because it's your fan base that's that's the cool thing about you man you already

have an established fan base i think also when i see crowd work being being done, whether it's busting their balls or something like that, where you know it can't be planned and it's not rehearsed and it's not edited or whatever, that's where I feel like the funniest can shine through. So I hope I can do it. Don't say it. This guy's got it. Maybe we'll be doing Joe Coy numbers one day.

Let's go. I remember when I was at the Seattle Coliseum and I was watching Eddie Murphy. I was 15 years old. I took my mom's credit card and bought the tickets on the phone, Ticketmaster. There was no internet. You know what I mean? I had to lie and sound like a woman on the phone.

I was 15, so my voice was already high. Yeah, it worked. Tickets came in the mail, I think. And then my mom drove me to Seattle. Well, they call it Key Arena now. But back in the day, it was called the Seattle Coliseum. And I remember sitting there. I was 13 rows from the stage, man. It was the craziest thing.

And I remember sitting there and looking up into the stands and going, did this man just sell this place out? Like, did he sell it out like that? Have you seen Raw? Yeah, I mean. Okay, so you know the part where it's red, the red screen, and he has it out like that? Have you seen raw? Ah, yeah. I mean, okay. So, you know, the part where it's red,

the red screen, he has his hand up and he's, he's saying the piece that there was three of those on stage. So there was one dead center and then there was two on the sides. Right. And it was what happened. It was a, it was a montage of everything that he's done.

It was just all his greatest hits from Gumby to, uh, but we, to come into, uh, not coming to America I think it was Like 48 Hours

And Beverly Hills Cop And all just the best highlights And then Then it started moving fast And like just Clip clip clip clip clip clip And bam Red

And it was him Bro See that stuff That to me is like Bro Chill That gets me off Yeah

Oh man And we And he stood there man He soaked it in He soaked it in man Hulk Hogan shit I can't hear you And the crowd was standing We were going crazy I remember looking at my friend

He's here It's like a sports moment It's like someone hitting a walk off Or throwing a touchdown And then it slowly came up And then he walked in And grabbed that mic And I just remember Holy holy shit, dude.

I want to be that guy. Yeah. I want to be that guy. That was the moment that's when you had that itch. Oh, man. I mean, I had it before that, but that? Yeah, but guess what, dude? You are that dude.

Thank you. 20 grand. Oh, that's crazy. That's wild shit, man. So the special's out? The special's out. Special's out. Coming in hot. And honestly, I think if you listen to this and then you go watch it,

knowing that you took your balls and your money and threw it on the table and that it was all or nothing sort of type of all in risk, I think it's that much better. What's crazy, though, that story is actually live from Seattle. Oh, okay. It's the first special. This one they gave me. This one was just cake.

This one they gave me. But they still gave me the money to produce it. That's trust right there too. More stress again. It was like more stress. It was even more stress. Look at you with the salt and pepper. You got a nice look going. Don't man. Don't even.

Coming in hot. It's out right now. That cold is everything though. Yeah I love it. It's a great look. Congratulations dude. Thank you so much. All time type of success right now. Dude I love you.