KFC Radio - Joe Manganiello || The Horny Police and the Cockroad Tollbooth

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Happy 40th Birthday to Super Producer BC! KFC had an awkward family zoom call to celebrate -(15:13) Frankie Borrelli and Barstool Trent join the show to drop a WILD hypothetical they came up with while in Vegas. We return the favor by showing them one of our favorite recent voicemails. -KFC is watching the new show called The One about finding your soulmate with science. Would you trust a dna test to set you up with a match? -We invent a new conversion therapy -The Grammys was Dua Lipa's coming out party and twitter had to send out the horny police -Top 5 Tuesday inspired by Ted Lasso - British Words -KFC was a part of Boys State in high school -Voicemails -(02:42:45) Joe Manganiello returns to the show! He tells us the story of how he first got a date with Sofia Vergara, his connection to his new role in "Shoplifters of the World", what it was like to put on the Deathstroke armor again for the Snyder Cut of Justice League, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @FrankieBorrelli @BarstoolTrent @JoeManganiello Subscribe to our youtube channel for the full video podcast: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to our clips channel for short segments: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioclipsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We have a problem here, alright? Your fucking dog just died! I got blood on my hands. Right, it's sympathy at first and then anger. It's another edition of KFC Radio

on the Barstool Sports Network. We've got a big episode jam-packed starting. We've got Joe Manganiello as our interview. We've got our top fives on a Tuesday. We'll do our voicemails. We're going to get a special guest appearance from Frankie Borelli and Trent, who have come up with a hypothetical for the ages. And it was this past weekend was Brendan's 40th birthday.

So we have a 40-year-old member of the team. We got a, what, 21-year-old now? Yeah. 21. So we range from 21 to 40. 40's got to be, like, the oldest podcast producer in the game. You think so? I mean, not many older.

You know, like, not the oldest, but, like, not many older. Yeah. No, you're very, very right. You've got to be one of the OG podcast producers. He's got long hair and lives in California now, though. I know. He looks like Jesus. Looks like Jesus Christ.

We did a fucking family Zoom. You know, I haven't talked to Brandon in like a year. I feel like he's got enough on his plate. It does feel that way, where it's just like, yeah, he's hanging on by a fucking thread. He yeah, it's like he's gone and he looks like Jesus now. And it's just like, I don't know. It's like a reverse version of he belongs to the streets. Like he belongs.

I don't know. Whatever belongs to California. You know, we kind of swapped like Jackie came to New York. Yeah. You know, we kind of just kept it balanced with the New York and LA representatives. But we did this family zoom, which like we don't,

we have not done any of that. We didn't, I didn't do many like zoom happy hours and we certainly didn't do any family things. And I mean, mother of God, what a painful experience that was. It is God.

I, so I'm kind of the same boat as you and then very early in the pandemic um my friends and i did a few things um just like you know thursday nights like had a few drinks kind of yeah at least young people can me and like five friends right yeah but like yeah we also never did the family things but then i can't imagine poly on one of those probably two or three weeks ago was my uncle's 60th so we did a little zoom for that that's what happened here it's like 40th it's a big thing we can't just let it go by it was as you were describing it's my worst fucking nightmare first of all i was in a car i was i was with pft we're

driving to go skiing whatever weekend that was when i went skiing and so like i was like headphones on in a car there were i believe 27 people on the call but like 10 of them were full families so there were like 60 people yeah yeah like 27 names and faces and whatever whatever i forgot exactly what the number was but it was something like that right and then it was like a bunch where there's full families and everyone it's because like it's older people yes like even with us who do it professionally yeah we're like here we yelling, you're talking, there's a delay, a lag. Like, when do I pause with interviews and stuff like that?

So imagine them. Imagine fucking 60 people who don't know how Zoom works just screaming. I was getting like, it was like epileptic because I was on my phone. And you had like the phone, it just keeps changing. Like everything changes on the Zoom on the phone. Catastrophe. And I was like, this is just like like i ended up just muting it and sitting there yeah the entire time i made like one contribution at one point i said like one thing and i was like that's it like all right i've like checked everyone knows i'm here and i am done it's like one gigantic

conference call yeah with this pleasantries and the small talk and my mom just every time someone comes on hey how you been yeah my mom just fucking all she could talk about was people's hair she was she would make fun of my brother's hair for being too long and then she like made fun of when she thought my hair was too long and then she started talking about my sister when she used to dye it too blonde and like and then like the conversation would stop and there would be a lull and she'd be like mark your hair it's like i was like bitch stop fucking talking about people's hair and then by the grace of god whoever set up the call had like zoom for free and there's a time limit yep and i was like oh sweet baby jesus thank you so much

you did a full 40 right and it was 30 and it was 30 but yeah so like and god bless my uncle too he was like uh somebody said like what's that like time in the corner there it says like two minutes left and he was like well we better just sing happy birthday and get this over with then so and so and then i mean i wish we i wish i had a recording of of this family singing happy birthday because again the lag so i'm on birthday you're on to you you're on you know how old are you now sort of shit just an absolute disaster of like a white people function it's just like never again shall we do this i think that we should just be done i mean like listen if the vaccines happen everything opens back up fine but if

for whatever reason this has to continue that's the new way of life we just i don't know your birthday party is not a thing anymore you get a text you get in yeah you get an individual phone call we can facetime but like the groupings and gathering just doesn't happen yeah you either do it in the real world where it's allowed and if it's no longer allowed then we no longer do it trying to force it over these over these mediums and all these different ways no i'm i'm completely on board with that so why don't we should opt out i i we shall be a part of no more of this i got i'm over the pandemic because of how so it's about the year anniversary now right yeah depending on the day it's been it's a rough

sports has been like a week ago and your job probably around right now whatever yeah and so there's been a lot of like one year anniversary like stories on twitter like what the world was like a year ago and i've seen a lot of people be like i don't need to know the world was like a year ago. And I've seen a lot of people be like, I don't need to know what it was like a year ago. I know what it's like. I've been living that day for a year now. If you have, that's on you. You don't have to live that way. Literally, you can live in the most

liberal state in the union. There's fucking shit open. I think everywhere is at least 50%, I think. I know New York and Massachusetts are. If you wanted to, you can travel. You can go places. You can do. Also, you could have gone to one of those states where, like, it's just go to fucking Texas. Go to Florida.

Go to these places where you can actually live. But even if, like, I get, like, travel isn't as possible. But that's what I mean. But it is possible. It's like, you could do these things. What about if it's just, like, for work or, like, you have a family? Like, it's harder for some people. Yeah, it's definitely harder.

It's not impossible because of COVID restrictions. But just, like, regular life like it's harder for something yeah it's definitely harder but it's because of covid restrictions but just like regular life it's harder but like if you have been living like groundhog day like quarantine yeah that's for the whole year that you're a fucking lunatic i'm like stop bitching about just go outside i feel like i've seen that with like we'll talk about the grammys in a minute but i think whenever there's like a celebrity event or something where high profile people are talking and being heard they always kind of say that where it's like you know but it's like the first people i've seen in like a year or whatever it's like i started seeing people we've been in this for like a year i started seeing people like 10 months ago i mean like there was a good like one or two month period where it was like true

seclusion and then within the rules just started like living yeah yeah i followed the protocols and stuff but you can live. I want to say May. Probably around Memorial Day, I started seeing people more often. Right. I just feel like you have to live an exceedingly active and interactive and interesting life for you to still think that this is radically different. You know what I mean? I know I live an a incredibly opposite very basic life like to me life is totally the same i work i do the kids i like go out barely and i was never

much of a traveler anyway so to me it's all the same if if if you were like a uh a touring musician or you're like a extreme sports competitor or something like that then like yes your life is radically different for the people who i see complaining being like that, then yes, your life is radically different. For the people who I see complaining, being like, it's been the same. Your life was the same before that. It's going to be the same after this. It's just life. I was talking to my mom about that because my dad was like, it's so different. My mom was like, no, it's not, dude.

It's just not. Especially for my parents. Old people, it's like, yeah, you come home from work, you have a cocktail, you go to sleep, and that's it. My mom was like, people are going to really have a rude awakening when everything's open. You can do whatever you want and guess what you've been doing it for a long time that's what i'm saying you can do like it is like the it's kind of like a i don't like a psychological experiment when you're told you can't then it weighs heavier especially in this country but then like when it's just like okay like you can go do stuff like

i'm gonna do yeah i'll go grab a drink at the bar the homes on the couch and i'll go to work and then i'll grab a drink i used to say this like pre-pandemic where it was like, and I've been saying it recently, where I'll see someone on Instagram and they're like, you know, I said like kite surfing in the Maldives. And I'm like, wow, like imagine living that life. It's like, you could just do that. Yeah. I could just take a vacation and go do that if I wanted to.

And I don't. And that's not because of COVID. That's just because of me. It's just how fucking life is. So, but yeah, anyway, happy birthday. 40 years old. I was thinking about, I jokingly said, like, you know, when he was 25, he told me to start a podcast. And, you know, it wasn't that, but it wasn't much, you know.

I've been doing the podcast for like 10 years. Right. So it was like he was 30. And he probably told me to shut up for a few years. Yeah, I definitely did. So he was probably 28 when he was telling me to start a podcast now he's 40 that's crazy yeah and that it's funny when he like he knows exactly how it like he's like i i know when i've given you an idea that will work will kind of work and will definitely not work so like you know uh you should start

doing dances on this app called musically no and he's just like okay that's a no like you should start a podcast i was like yes in and then there was like uh do like an instagram show or something where it was an in-between where it was like he told me he was like you're gonna say no for like six months and then you're gonna like think about it for two more months and then the last month we're gonna do it so he like knows how to and he's like i gotta pepper like you gotta pepper you the right way so you don't get turned off but i gotta make sure it's still in your mind it's like the art of convincing a stubborn irish asshole a lazy secluded stubborn irish asshole convincing them to do things he's your man if you ever have to figure out how to do that

talk to brendan clancy so happy birthday to him. Let's bring in Trent and Frankie for this hypothetical. It's brought to you by Jack Pocket. You want to go fucking kite skiing in the Maldives? Dude, here's a way to do that. The only way you're going to live your life the way you want to live it is if you're rich.

And the only way you're going to get rich. Which, by the way, I got mad at the Tom Brady comment the other day. Whoa! He commented on Drew Brees' retirement post. And he's like, thank you so much for the inspiration. I'm off the field. You're a great friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He said, excited to see what's next. I'm retiring as the greatest athlete of all time. Not the greatest athlete. One of the best quarterbacks ever. One of the best quarterbacks of all time. I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Give me a fucking week. Yeah.

Let me just. What's next? I'm excited to see what's next. I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Give me a fucking week. What's next? I'm excited to see what's next. I'm 40 years old, dude. I'm worth, again, $100 million. I've achieved everything I can in my field. I'm going to chill for a week. And he didn't, by the way. He went right away to NBC. If there was no next, that would

be acceptable. That's totally fine. You've done enough for three lifetimes. You've done things that nobody can achieve. There's no next. I can't wait for there to be no next. I'm going to do nothing next. I've started drawing. That's my next.

You like the WNBA? We've got next. John's drawing fucking sad boy stickers. I'll show you a picture of it real quick. While you do that, I'll tell you. The only way you're going to live the life you want to live is to be rich. And the only way you're going to get rich is by winning the lottery. You're not talented.

You don't have any tangible talents that are going to all of a sudden, out of nowhere, make you rich. If you're not rich by now, you're not going to get rich. If you're like 11 right now, maybe you have some talents and you're going to get rich. If you're a teenager and up and you're not rich, it not it's not happening it's really not unless you know i disagree with that if you are you have to have a clear path like if you're 18 and you're and your dad's the ceo and you're and you're next in line for the family company okay fine maybe if you're what about 25 year old you um okay so like if you're banking on that happening like quite literally i think i think one day when they write the book like we will be when you started here 20 2009 was 25 25 yeah um you know we're gonna be like the only five people in existence to do do it the way we did

it yeah so you know and you know what basically yeah fine that's winning the lottery like at 25 i won a lottery that that took about it's gonna end up taking about 12 years to kick in uh i think a easier way to win the lottery is to play it to win it's easier to win the lottery probably honestly probably the lottery you're honestly probably it is you're probably right think about how many people have won the lottery versus how many people have ended up getting rich from a a blog like the way we did you know tons of people win the lottery yeah you're very very right it's much easier to win a lot yeah so just get jack pocket it's an app you can download on your phone right now and you can play the lottery in

your on your phone which is like i can't believe that it's like, ooh. Because, of course, I've been yelling at people about NFTs. I don't – it bothers me when people can't understand NFTs. Like I don't know the ins and outs of it, but where they're like, I just can't like wrap my head around it. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's not like 1992 when the computers are just starting. You know what I mean? Everything we do is online. So why can't you understand that like – Trading cards are online. Right. about it's not like 1992 when the computers are just starting you know what i mean everything we

do is online so why can't you understand that like our trading cards are online right instead of being on a tangible it's on a computer someone said to me a comment on instagram you know what the problem is it's all electronic so if you like unplug your computer like you don't have that thing anymore i was like shut the fuck up grandma like what are we gonna what is electricity gonna disappear and then we all lost our digital art no one's ever had their computer die right yeah it happens to me all the time my computer dies i log in i don't have an email address anymore it's all gone yeah you know it's like uh okay i guess if the world loses electricity or if you lose your or but yeah if your house burns down and your painting's gone then you lose your painting

like we're talking about these extreme, ridiculous... But anyway, my point being that just everything's on the computer and everything's digital and electronic and it took this long for the lottery. That is true. We were doing pieces of paper. Yes, yeah.

But the fact that it was like, let me go to this little bodega or gas station to get a ticket of paper to enter into this contest. It's nuts. So you download the Jack Pocket app. You can play in New York, New Jersey, Texas, and I believe seven other states right now,

just like the Barstool Sportsbook, which is steadily opening in new states. So is Jack Pocket. You can play Mega Millions and Powerball as well as like your pick three, pick four, and your local lotteries, cash for life, all that stuff. Right now you can get a free ticket for Powerball or Mega Millions, which is back up around, I think they're both around $100. I think Mega Millions is $150, Powerball is $100. When you use promo code Barstool, you get a free ticket.

You can win $100 million for free when you're using the Jack Pocket app and using promo code Barstool. Let's talk to the 4Play boys here. They got a brain buster. All right, we got frankie and trent uh happy belated oh thank you 31 32 32 which i hate i just it's just an ugly number like like i'd rather i was telling these guys i'd rather be 33 than 32 i think 31 is really ugly no though like 32 the number three and the number 2 next to each other just look gross to me.

It looks like dyslexic too, the 3-2. Yeah. Like Jordan, we're just used to like 23. Yeah, just 2-3 is the order of numbers. Oh, I got it. Yeah, it does look a little backwards. It has nothing really to do with... When I see 33, I just think about Jesus Christ getting crucified. Yeah, that's the first thing you think of.

That's the first thing. That's the Catholic thing. My mom always 33. The numbers are always around. You've got 33. Your mom has 33 on her license plate. No. Udaman 33. No! That's real.

Dave goes, no, Udaman, Frankie. Udaman 33. For Jesus? Yes. I didn't realize you were born in this religious family. Oh, yeah. The other night, my mom was having a prayer group For Jesus? Yes. I didn't realize you were born in this religious of a family. Oh, yeah. My... The other night, my mom was having a prayer group,

and I was playing PGA Tour 2K21 with Trent, and I drained a fucking putt, and I screamed, I'm gonna come! And my mom... And my mom said she had to run to the other room. She was doing a Zoom fucking... A Zoom prayer room. And I came downstairs.

I'm like, what's going on? My dad's like, what did you just scream? Dad, you should have been like, come upstairs for dinner. How loud did I scream? Oh, my God. I mean, as loud as you possibly could. Yeah. Yeah, I remember we went golfing on Long Island one time, and you had your mom's car, and

you were putting your clubs in the car, and I was was like what's this all about? And you were like don't ask me about the license plate. This police officer once pulled my mom over and he's like, oh, what's the number for? Patrick Ewing? And she's like, no, Jesus Christ. Our Lord and Savior. The Messiah. Dude, getting a vanity plate

in general is a wacky move. Can you imagine being at the DMV? You did? Technically, yes. I had a Bruins plate, but I did not want to... The numbers and shit were normal. I was like, randomize that. That's fine. That's still preposterous to be like, I need my team

on my license plate. It was like the money goes to the Bruins. I was like, we gotta support this fucking billion dollar franchise. When you start picking your own... i cut off a guy the other day and uh you know he like flipped me off we're kind of doing a little road rage thing and then i saw his license plate after we after he passed was uh uh coach joe and i was like oh yeah that's a guy who probably would like beat me to death with a hammer if we really got into it he's like a high school football coach who definitely drops the n-bombs like that guy.

Oh, we've got to talk about that, by the way. That's the all-time excuse. The diabetes, the sugar spike? But that's a guy who will just hit me with a tire iron. Tell him, you know, Coach Joe's the last thing you're ever going to see. His wife will be happy because when he gets home, he won't beat her that night. The dog's running around all happy. The kids are happy. Well, Dad must have beat someone else to death tonight.

Coach Joe seems to be in good spirits. Aren't you guys happy you came on? It's just very different than the golf podcast we just did. It is, but it's not considering the last topic I just heard from you guys. I got a text from Frankie over the weekend. Well, actually, we were talking about some other shit. I think we were talking about a mutual friend. We were just having a normal conversation. over the weekend. Well, actually, we were talking about some other shit. I think we were talking about like a mutual friend, right? We were having a normal conversation.

And then Frankie is like, oh, and by the way, and that's what really makes it as funny. I'll get the exact wording of it because to bring this conversation up in general is obviously silly, but the way it just drops in. So, yeah, I did an interview on the show Brilliantly Dumb. Frankie knows the guy from Long Island. So we're just talking about that and him and his career. And then he goes, oh, bro, by the way, Trent and I had a debate on our way to the golf course yesterday.

John, this is John's first time hearing it. If there was a toll booth on the road and instead of a money transaction it's a guy standing there with his cock out and you got to just grab it and give it a pull to get through do you want the guy to be hard or soft now before we even start answering like where did this come from you know we were on the road for like seven or eight days and we're going through all these fucking... It's got to be from his brain, right?

Oh, yeah. He thinks of these things like... We're going through all these crazy, you know, mountainous drives and all this stuff, and I think we saw this road called, like, Hard Rock Road or something like that, and I was like, Trent, you want to take a little spin down Hard Cock Road? It was one of those dumb, just in-the-car jokes, right? And then I said, what would happen on Hard Cock Road? Because, you know, the joke was over, but I'm still sitting there thinking, like,

if there was a fucking street called Hard Cock Road, what would happen if you fucking pulled down that street and there's a dude standing there being like, all right, you've got to give me a pull and then you've got to go. And then the fucking thing comes up after you yank his cock. So I said to Trent, what's the ideal position of that man? Now, I think this is a no-brainer. I think so, too. And I think we're going to be on the same page.

And there's a person here who disagrees with us, and it's fucking insanity. So I'm going to say I'm going to count to three, and you either say hard or soft. One, two, three. Hard. He wants a soft dick. Why?

I don't like touching my own soft dick. I can't imagine someone else's. Like, you got to think about it logically. You got to get the back of your knuckles are brushing into that guy's sack. You got to push into his soft ball sack to get around his soft penis. You got to lift it off the nut. To pick it up. And then go, honk, honk.

And then you gotta drop it back down and it goes like this. We were actually, we weren't actually doing it in the car, but we were doing it with our hands where if your dick is pressed up against the ball, you have to get under there and grip it. It was just a gut reaction.

If it was me, I'd pinch it by the head. That's how I'd think. Think of the man. Grab the... Grab the lip, you know? Would you go like the tip or the lip? I'd grab it by the head. Like the pee hole? Well, not the hole.

That's what I'm saying. I think I would grab the ledge of your tip. Dude, dude. You know? Bro, think about traffic. This is fucking traffic. So then you then you gotta really start to think about the logistics now. Because let's say, I'm thinking to myself when

we used to drive down to the Jersey Shore, and there would be five hours worth of traffic. Wait, let's see. That's where I'm just pinching right there. Yeah, okay. I'm grabbing that part right there. Oh, you're pinching the ledge there. If you're circumcised and I can just grab,

I don't want to grab, I don't want to grab the tip. I just want to grab that little ledge. I don't want to do any of this. I just want it to be a hard cock so I can just go. Okay, all right.

I'm thinking of it like bop it, you know, bop it, twist it. I just want to go. As things usually go when we get in arguments about this because we're yelling at each other in the car about it, where Frankie then ends up

making a good point for my side of it where i hadn't even thought about it where all right you're talking about traffic jam right you think about lines and lines and lines of cars just endless and if you so this guy's getting his dick yanked thousands hundreds of times and by the time he's getting the hands up these people are running a train on him masturbation exactly they gotta get home and they got to get to work. That's just what it is. It's like a very hellish hand job. Because, like, you get two dogs.

If you kept going for ten more seconds, I'd get there. And then they move out. And the next one is like, oh, come on! Okay. So think about it. This guy is getting, like, a stint tantric yoga handjob for seven hours. It's just building up, building up, building up. You guys are making my point for me here.

There's only one unlucky guy. Right, because now you're in the traffic jam. You're now counting the cars because you can see up there that this guy is hard and he's been getting jerked off for hours. He's sweating. He's red. He's like, I just need to cum so bad. And you might be the guy.

And this is a point for the soft dick where if you get there early, sweating and he's red he's like i just need to come so bad and you might be the guy and this is a point for the soft dick where you only point if you get there early if you get off work earlier if you go to work early it's a very soft dick yeah you got to peel it off the balls but you're not running the risk you guys are in vegas when you're talking about this this is sweaty balls and sweaty dick but yeah but there is a chance that you go up there it's almost like hot potato or or or musical chairs one of those things where you're the last guy, you know, where you're like, give it a tug and it just comes over you. Dude, I'm going to paint a scenario for you right now. You've got a mid-30s guy.

He's a fucking accountant. He hates his life, right? He fucking – his wife hates him. The whole fucking thing. He just put the kids – he put them on a fucking bus. He's driving to work. He sees the traffic's building up he hates his job his his boss is calling him he's late he's got tps reports to fill out and all of

a sudden he's in fucking traffic on hard cock road he goes no fucking way he's counting the amount of cars he's seeing the fucking guy up there and he's getting going right like this guy's like oh fucking yeah and he's like rush hour baby rush hour baby he goes am i gonna good traffic this is gonna fucking happen to me again today and he's going one two three he gets up to that guy's car and the guy's fucking knocking on the window like come on bro it's about to happen the guy's like fuck my fucking life dude fuck my fucking life man and he just pulls in the guy just blows a load right out of his fucking face what a way to work man are you kidding me you gotta cock this shotgun yourself dude when he's rolling up when he's

rolling up he sees the guy's fucking like his his body being like come on come on it's you it's you he's pointing at him come on next. Pull up. Let's go. There's a guy with a cock just pointing out of the line. He's like, I've been doing this long enough. I know what car it is. He's like 27, 28, 29. Mr. 29, it's you. Come on now.

I've been working hard cock-toe move for 20 years. I know what fucking car I'm coming on. It's going to be you, motherfucker. And then you know what the worst is, too. We're going to end up looking like a bully at recess with dodgeball. It's you! Dude, and as each person's pulling on him, he's just making eye contact with the guy.

He's got to flip the windshield wipers on after He wipes it off his glasses He's cleaning it off his fucking windshield And you know what too When you're in those traffic jams And you don't You don't hit it and go Sometimes you're stuck in that little

So you pull that And he comes on you and there's still traffic And you're just sitting that little... So you pull that, and he comes on you, and there's still traffic. And you're just sitting there like... Fuck my life. This guy would have built... Remember in I think it was Ecuador or Nicaragua or something like that? This is an old school barstool blog

about how... Strike? The woman's strike. About how they wouldn't fuck their husbands until there was a road built into town. and it was built in like a weekend. It was that fast? This is the guy who would fix traffic

in that he would you know how the issue with traffic is that the human brain takes a second to be like okay time to go where if all cars

just went at the same time we'd be fine. He would invent the system that just made cars all go at the same time so he could just get too quick too quick

too quick too quick it too quick, too quick. There would be one hand. Oh, my God, dude. So while, yes. I feel like we just made the point for soft dick pretty heavily. But there's one in probably 5,000. How many cars go through there a day? We're like, that might happen to you.

Slim chance. What's definitely going to happen to you is balls on your fingers and soft penis in your hand. You're going to feel the heat from the soft penis. You know what I mean? You're getting the post-cum penis. I think if you're pulling a hard penis... That guy just came and you're...

I think if you're holding a hard penis, you don't even really know you're holding a penis. I think if you're holding a soft penis, you know you're holding a penis. You're feeling the nubs and the reds. A soft penis might as well be this thing right here. That's just a flesh-colored pole. Yeah. But a soft penis, I know that's a penis.

You're feeling skin. You're feeling wrinkles. You're feeling wrinkles. You're feeling hairs. You're feeling... A mystery box? Right? If you put your hand in a mystery box and you grab a soft dick, you'd be like, that's a dick.

I've seen this porn before. Right? And then if you reach in and grab a hard dick, you you grab a soft dick, you'd be like, that's a dick. I've seen this porn before. You reach in and grab a hard dick. If you got it on the shaft, you'd be like, this could be a dildo. It could be anything. It could be a finger maybe. I'm not really sure what this is. But if you touch a soft dick, you know I'm touching dick.

And again, the balls, you know. The balls are non-factoring to me because I'm grabbing the tip. I'm not touching balls. He might be like, no tip today. You can't grab the tip. I'm not touching balls. He might be like, no tip today. You can't grab the tip. I know who you are. My tip is fucking raw. You're here at 530 every morning.

You can't grab the tip of my dick anymore. I wouldn't feel good. People pinching your tip all day long. Yeah. So you're going to go pinch one hand, grab with the other? Or are you going to do like. You think. Yeah, yeah.

Pull it up and then grab it. I would maybe do a pinch and grab. Flop it up and then. Yeah, but then you might punch it down the up. And then you gotta squeeze a cock. A squishy cock is no good. A squishy dick might as well be a rat. You know how they say rats can just fit in any moment? Oh yeah.

You can squeeze a soft dick into this fucking thing, right? You say that though. I'll go to the bathroom real quick. I'm just thinking, you know, it's hard enough to get a soft dick into a goddamn vagina Have you ever tried to do that? You can get it I'm not saying it's the easiest thing in the world

A rat's gotta get himself pretty small to fit under a door But he can do it You ever try to pee into one of those things while you're driving? Oh yeah This is so much easier. That is right, but it's a fucking, it's like the Olympics trying to do that. You gotta line up with just the whole.

But it also is. I peed into a soda can. Oh. That's a sharp. That's hot. You are living on the edge, man. I didn't do it. I got the idea from Dwight.

Dwight does it as well. On the move? On the move, yeah. Driving or passing. I think we were in New Hampshire or something like that. We were in like traffic skiing. And it was just like, I didn't try to put my dickhead in it. were in, like, traffic skiing. And it was just, like, just pee. I didn't, like, I didn't try to put my dickhead in it.

It was just, like, if pee is going to get everywhere, pee is going to get everywhere. If you try to put your dickhead into a soda can, I mean, that is, you don't deserve it, Dan. That's what I learned from Dwight's shortcomings. That's how I had to not do that because Dwight does that. Was you were driving or passenger? I was passenger, yeah. I think that's an impossible feat, driving. I peed in a...

In the backseat, it doesn't matter if you pee a little bit. On the stuff. The driver can't see it. That's really what it's all about, not getting caught. I peed in the driver's seat in a bottle like this in a traffic jam. We weren't moving. That's also awkward because in a traffic jam,

you can kind of see. 100%. And then really, it's like, you can't get a good shake. I feel like you leave residual pee in the tank when you're sitting down. Am I going to overflow? You piss about a shot into your pants. About two hours.

You're at the point where it's like, I should have just peed the whole thing in my pants. There's enough pee in there now that I'm uncomfortable. I could have just done this and been like, yeah, that's the same amount. And so you're sticking though, soft take for you. Yeah, I think this whole segment has been. Just because of the cum. That's a day ruiner.

That's like a year ruiner. A life ruiner. Remember the time the guy on Hard Cock Road cummed on me? I understand. That's worse than a day ruiner, but it's not going to happen. Yeah, it's like winning a lottery. You're playing Russian roulette with like a 50 cal with those fucking belts of bullets, and there's only one bullet in it.

I mean, like, think about, all right, here's another question. How many tugs, a little Kim style, how many tugs would it take under these circumstances where it's like car comes tug, like 10 seconds. I don't think I'd ever come. Right. There's probably a day. Yeah. I was gonna say,

there's probably days where he doesn't come at all. It has to be. I would say coach Joe goes home and beats his wife that night. If it is coach Joe. I mean, let's say there's a traffic jam though. Cause if you're just a tug and then a car comes by 20 seconds later, you'll never come.

But if it's a traffic jam and they're just coming through, but every time it's, let's say it's a good like, I think you'd come. How quick though? Maybe 30, 40 cars? No way. You don't think so? If I just, let's say it was me and you, and I just sit here right now and I go,

and I stop and wait like 10 seconds. 30 of those is not going to make you cum. I think maybe the guy working the booth gets conditioned to that, though, and he figures it out. Well, also, he's learning how to make himself cum. Yeah, I think while you're doing this, he's shoving a finger up his ass. Yeah, right.

He might be watching hardcore porn on his little toll booth computer. His fucking sweaty balls. What if that's the other lane? You know, on this lane, you're tugging. Like, on this lane, you gotta be poking.

What about this? If there was, like, Which lane do you want on there? You know how they have, like, the fast pass? Yeah.

Like, fast pass is, Like, easy pass, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, okay. He can, he's working himself in between. Oh, shit.

So, like, you're much more liable to fucking, so it's either you sit in a hundred car traffic jam or you can get right there. You're driving through and it's, like, you're much more liable to fucking... So it's either you sit in a hundred-car traffic jam, or you can get right there. You're driving through, and it's just like, bam!

You're just like, please, please, please, please, please. He's just stroking his dick. Come on, I'm gonna get you. And he sees that one miserable guy coming, the one miserable guy coming 100 miles an hour. He's like, I'm gonna fucking get you. I love the point that the guy... I'm not even paying attention to these touchdowns. point that the guy. It's you, motherfucker.

I'm not even paying attention to these touchdowns. You're coming up. It's you, motherfucker. Yeah, these ones don't count. These ones are just in the bank, but it's you that I'm looking for. He just hangs his head in the car like, God almighty. I'm sticking with soft dick. I'm Trent Ryan, and I'm sticking with soft dick.

This is our own version of the opening to Office Space. We have to make it. You know the beginning of Office Space where he's in the traffic and he moves to the right lane? Yes. We need to make an opening to a movie with Hard Cock Road. I mean, you were texting me when we were on the plane. So we had this conversation on Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever, then we flew out.

Fuck, I don't even know. Can I ask a question real quick? Do you need to take a PCR test to fly? No. No? You just got on planes? Yeah. Beauty.

Okay. Sorry. Here's the thing. Nobody cares. COVID's a hoax. But then like four days later, Frankie's just texting me on the plane. He's about to throw up. He's sitting behind me.

Just painting the picture he painted for you guys on the podcast. I saw a picture of the guy driving and pointing, and I was just, bro, I couldn't control myself. The guy sitting next to me was looking at me like, why are you laughing? There was tears rolling over my mat. It's like, brother, you don't want to know. It's like, listen, you got this guy holding this cock. It's like, if you ask me one more time, I'm roping you in here. You're going to have to give an answer, sir.

Nobody gets going with the hypotheticals like frank like on multiple levels like sometimes they'll ruin his day because they like upset him sometimes they break his brain and he can't like he's like he's like fuck i can't handle this sometimes he just gets going with like the dicks and the cocks and the sex you don't get into too much of it on foreplay but we get into some stuff yeah yeah you're a good travel companion in that you'll just we have conversations like that we were taught you know what really we have conversations like that. You know what really broke our brains on that travel, on that drive? I was going to say, what else is going on?

The same drive was the fact that aliens probably missed us. If you think about how, because we were driving through Nevada. We were driving through Nevada, so we're like, oh, what's going on out here? Is shit underground? Stuff like that. I was like, you know what, man? If you watch the Cosmos with that fucking cocky motherfucker Neil deGrasgrasse tyson i mean he's just so cocky the way

he talks about but he's got me wrapped around his finger just wrapped around his finger rather as a little soft cock yeah i'm just gnawing on it i'm sorry gummy no no dentures just gumming his soft dick it was just totally unnecessary. Just like a toothpaste tube. He's numbing it. I have a picture of Frankie like a gerbil. The one that deep throats at? He's like this. That thing fucking swallows it.

That dude who fucked around a while back could have fucked that gerbil. Who? The dude who fucked a mouse or whatever. Oh, God. That guy. Yeah, he picked the wrong rodent. He wouldn't have to be dead. He could have just let that gerbil blow him alive.

It's just the idea that when you watch the cosmic calendar and how we are, life as we know it has only been around for a speck. It's December 31st at 1159 p.m. And if you take that that that's literally how long we know life has been around you take that all the way down to january that's how long the world's been around and i mean the galaxy yep um there's been points that have been made where it's like there was there were billions of years where earth was like this like volcanic crazy like unhabitable world where like i mean aliens could have just been like, oh, yeah, this is just a joke.

Never mind, yeah. Go on to the next one. Right. I mean, the odds are that that happened. I mean, us thinking that they would fly in within this millisecond of time is insanity. Like, oh, we're going to catch them now. And now, like, somebody, they're running into someone else and they're like, have you guys been to Earth?

And it's like, oh, yeah, we went there. Like, no. Yeah. There'd be no reason to believe, you know, that it's popping now. So i've been saying a lot of these theories on foreplay that is actually the most rational one like it's not even like a theory that's just like logic probably what what really fucks my mind up is like we think about like if we went to another planet and we found like monsters on it we'd be like oh that's aliens on another planet. But this planet used to be inhabited by monsters.

By dinosaurs that are fucking big monsters, really, when you think of it. If you were to find a dinosaur-looking thing on Mars right now, you'd be like, this is some science fiction, wacky movie shit. But that's just what used to live here. Or when we go

10,000 feet below sea level and we find these creatures, if we were to find one of those creatures on Mars that had the eyes on their tentacles and they sense light and shit, you'd be like,

oh my God, we found this species that's like a monster. Right. But you hear about it like, yeah, we found this in the ocean and it was like,

yeah, no big deal. Right. Dinosaurs and those fish, those are all aliens. Those are all monsters. They're all weird things and they were just right here.

Right fucking on this planet. The other thing that drives me fucking crazy is that we've only been around, we've only really been doing things. Like, think about how much we've progressed in, what, 100 years, 200 years

as, like, humanity. Even 30. 30 years, right? Now, think about another world and another galaxy that hasn't gotten destroyed and they've just been building for, let's say, 100,000 years. Right. Or let's say like –

They've had this much production and shit. Let's say a billion years. Ten times as long. What would that even look like? Right. What do they even mean? Like think how crazy it's going to be here in 100 years. 100.

Like 100 years. It's going to be crazy town. And like you're saying, somebody might have a million-year head start, and it's just completely different. And even things like they said that we're growing that bone in our neck now. And that's why they say – I think the idea when aliens are always like small, little gray creatures with big heads is like they're – you don't do anything physical anymore because it's all like digital and all advanced. And like we're already kind of starting to change that way.

I feel like we're like, oh, we're growing weird bones because we look at our thing. And like none already kind of starting to change that way. I feel like we're growing weird bones because we look at our thing. And none of us are going to work out anymore because you live in your digital world with your NFTs. So we're probably just going to become those little fucking creatures. You see what the office worker will look like in 50 years? It's just this horrific looking woman.

Sure. But it's also like, well, people have been working in offices for 50 years. Yeah, we've already seen. Why is it going to change that much? But it might. I mean, I don't know working in offices for 50 years. Yeah. Yeah, we've already seen. It doesn't change that much. Why is it going to change that much? But it might. But, I mean, I don't know.

I guess when you look at, like, people used to be, like, tiny, and then we kind of grew more. And now, yeah, they're. Oh. Are we talking about. Well, like, that's the. Dude, think about Dave's difference in his posture. When he was just sitting at the computer. Yeah.

For 20 years. And now he's like, it's crazy, the difference in getting him out of that office. I mean, that woman, her neck and head is almost like Kim Kardashian's ass where you can rest a cup on Kim's ass. You could rest a cup on her neck.

She would be good to suck the penis of the guy. That woman would get such great head. It goes straight through, right? That's the best deep throat you'll ever get in your life. Right back to her fucking neck bone. You could have... You know what that is?

You know when, like in porn, when she's got to lay her head over the back of the couch? That's just naturally. She just naturally got her head laying over the couch. She rolls up to that tall group and just turns. Out of the window. The guy's retreating back. The guy's like, boom!

No, you touch it, you touch it, you touch it! No, I think he just, boom! That girl is designed to suck dick. That woman does one thing. She does two things. Office work and dick suck. Excel spreadsheets and fucking cock goblin. That is not a good, that's not good if that's what humanity is going to look like.

I feel like Frankie's going to have all sorts of problems. He already does. Yeah. I got two torn labrums on my shoulders. I know I do. They both crack. By the way, that's not diagnosed. That's self-diagnosed.

Every morning I wake up, my fingers are dead. What does that do? My fingers aren't dead. My hands feel incredibly swollen. Like, in the morning, I can't get my hands past this. Like, I could not do this. They're fat. They're dehydrated.

They're fat. And they feel like arthritis for, like, 100 years. I'm getting there. Then I just, like, get up and start moving. Then, like, now they're fine. Yeah. But in the mornings. I think you're literally describing arthritis.

I believe that's what arthritis is. I didn't know it comes and goes like that. I think, like, a steam engine. Like, you kind of got to get going. You have shitty shoulders, right? What? You have shitty shoulders, right? The worst.

Three surgeries. I just have one torn labrum. I had surgery for it. And how long is the recovery? Well, I wouldn't take my method of it. I mean, I was going to say don't get surgery. But it's like really fucked up now. You want to play golf and shift.

Yeah, but dude, like I can't play the drums anymore. Like right now. Like literally try and play and I lose feeling in both my hands. Like it goes down to my elbows. Have you seen that movie Sound of Metal? Dude, it's crazy. He's a drummer who loses his hearing. That guy should win.

He should win the fucking best actor. He got nominated. He might. People are really talking. But that's like. No, Chadwick Boseman's going to win it. Just because he's dead. Oh, yeah.

Well, the thing with you two is like you can't. That's not Boseman. With your shoulders, Frankie, you're not going to have time to fix it. No, like your life is such a like we're always doing a golf trip or whatever for these videos. It's like I never have two or three months. I mean, what am I going to get fucking like Tommy John surgery on my elbow? I'm not a fucking I'm not a pitcher. It's two, right?

Both of them. Can you drive? That's when I realized I was like, I got surgery. I can't get my arm up high enough to drive. You can't do like perpendicular to your. I'm not going to gotta have surgery. I couldn't get my arm up high enough to drive. You can't do perpendicular to your... I'm not gonna start doing that, but... Like the whole thing, but... I remember when I fucked my shoulder up,

I didn't even realize how bad it was. I went to the bathroom, I was covered in blood, and I went to turn on the faucet. So I just reached, and I was like, can't do that. Why were you covered in blood? I was sleepwalking, and I was running. I was like the white girl in the slasher movie who's like running away from the bad guy. Who just like keeps falling.

You know, when you're like, why can't this bitch just run? Because in those circumstances, apparently, you're just like, you're running too fast. And I'm stumbling, I'm falling. And it was like a dorm room floor. A dorm room like hallway floor that was like concrete with a layer of shitty carpet. So I fell a couple times and I had I still don't really have feeling in this part of my hands so I had these blisters and torn up

skin so I was bleeding and I also just had snapped out of the sleepwalking so I was like what the fuck? Did I murder someone? I was like what did I just do? My knees, my head, I mean I was beat, what did I just do? And my knees, my head. I mean, I was beat up.

But I thought it was all just like, you know, surface level shit. And then I went to the bathroom to clean up and I was like, nope. The doctor looked at my scan and was like, he said, are you a football player or were you in a car accident? Holy shit. And I was like, I was running down a hallway. All by myself. That night ruined my life. Literally, that night ruined my life. Holy shit. And I was like, I was running down a hallway all by myself. That night ruined my life. Literally, that night ruined my life.

Holy fuck. Yeah, since then. I mean, it's been, oh, it's exactly half my life now. I'm 36 now. So has that door just been locked and you just didn't go out? You think your life is completely different? Yeah, like if I, yeah, my dorm room, like if my roommate stopped me or the door was, yeah, I would have just snapped out of it there.

I would have been, I would have been, I mean, I was never going to be like a star athlete, but I would have just like kept playing sports. I would have been able to move and all that shit. I mean, ruined my life. I would love for you to get. My neck fucked up. All of it fucked up. Yeah.

You should get x-rays, Frankie, just to see the damage. You're not going to fix it, but it would be nice to just know. One of those scenarios where I don't think they're going to let me leave. Right. Which is my biggest fear we talk about. And I'm going to walk in, they're going to scan my shoulders and they're going to let me leave. Right. Which is my biggest fear we talk about. And I'm going to walk in, they're going to scan my shoulders, and they're going to send me right to the hospital. No, they're not.

I mean, it's not like you're going to die from your shoulders. It feels like it in the morning, man. It feels like it. Yes, I am. I was going to say, like, I think, at least for, like, my back and shit, I was like, I wish I never got surgery, because almost sometimes that makes it worse. Because I'm just like, I'm not going to do anything, though. I just, but you're going to, well, you won't play you won't play i don't want to get like a cortisone shot

or something i'm trying to look at oh you know what happened to me with that that's one of my fucking that's one of my big gaffes too i couldn't tell you because so i'm laying there you're almost in like a massage chair where your face is in a thing you know so i can see the bottom and i see the doctor's feet and he's like talking to me and i feel him poking and he's explaining what's gonna happen and then he's like all right so we're gonna give you the shot in between like this vertebrae and this vertebrae whatever and then i see his feet disappear and i see a new pair of feet come in and i think they were like bring in like the rookie like this kid's young he's healthy it'll be okay and so someone else gave me the shot and i think it was a girl chicks and she punctured my spinal it's called

your spinal dura it's like the skin around your spine excuse me so now i've got a hole in my spine and you have all this fluid and shit going through your spine and all that so now i have a hole so it's leaking so up in your brain it goes you have your skull and then you have a line of fluid and then your brain so you have like a cushion of fluid right yeah so but all of that is leaking out of my fucking back so all of a sudden my brain is sagging because it's it's like connected to my brain my my skull but there's no water to float so it's pulling down what on it right so my my brain is sagging like pulling on my scalp basically and so i go home and they're like, yeah, like a few hours, you know, you'll start to feel like some relief or some shit. I don't know, whatever,

a couple of days, a couple of weeks, whenever the release was supposed to happen. I don't know because after a couple hours, all of a sudden I have like this insane headache. And I guess it was actually even just when I was getting home. Cause I remember I got off the elevator in my apartment and I was walking in my apartment and I was like pinballing down the hallway. I was like, I can't even like stand up right now and I got this headache that was like somebody get an axe and shot my head off because I just needed to stop and so I google like headaches after a injection whatever and they said lay down and like put your head upside down uh and if the pain goes away this is what happened and like instantly the pain went away it was just because

I just like the sagging stopped the gravity was just because I just, like, the sagging stopped. The gravity was gone because I just lifted it upside down. Oh, my God. And everything stopped. And then I would sit up, and it would, like, happen again. So I was like, yeah, this is what happened to me. It was a fucking nightmare. How do you fix that?

Just wait. I just had to. I just laid in bed for, like, three days. You can do some sort of patch where they can, like, almost, like, do surgery. But that's almost, like, as bad as the whole thing is. So I just had to lay there. So it wasn't puncturing your heels itself? Yeah.

So then I'm in bed for like three days, and at the time I think I'm either dating or engaged to Caitlin. She has her friends from Boston come, and they are booze bags. So they're going to brunch on the Upper East Side. They're doing Tin Lizzy. They're fucked up. And this guy, the boyfriend who came to visit, falls through my glass coffee table.

So I'm just trying to sleep and not die and not chop my own head off. And I hear this fucking crash. And everyone else is so fucked up, they're done. They're passed out. And I'm sitting here, this brain patient. So I get up and I see him. And there's blood everywhere my hallway i mean covered in blood and i'm sitting here like all i'm supposed to be doing is laying upside down you know and like my dumb ass fiance is passed out drunk and everybody there's bodies everywhere

i'm like can someone else please take care of this and he's like it's cool man it's totally cool like no it's not you're bleeding out of my fucking apartment there's glass everywhere. I'm like, can someone else please take care of this? And he's like, it's cool, man. It's totally cool. I'm like, no, it's not. You're bleeding out of my fucking apartment. There's glass everywhere. It was, yeah, it's a nightmare. So there you go, Frankie. Definitely go to the hospital. Ringing endorsement to get a cortisone shot. You just described a horror movie. That's my life, brother.

That's my life. My life is a full-blown horror movie. Did you hear about the first date that we talked about, Frankie? No. Oh. Did you hear about the first date that we talked about, Frankie? No. Oh. Did you hear about that? No.

It was a Friday night. You've got to get back on Friday Night Pints. We did it on the show, and then we talked about it. We recorded it early, and then I was like, we've got to talk about this on Friday Night Pints because I just have to tell everyone about this.

We got a call. Actually, can we pull up the voicemail? Yeah. Let's just do that because it'll be easier for you to... It was posed to us as, is this the worst first date ever? And it's almost like, unless there was a date like at the Holocaust, then yes, this is the worst first date ever.

Oh, shit. Worse than when the guy. Hey, guys. Okay. So I'm wondering if this is the worst first date scenario ever. So one of my guy friends in college decided to go on a date with this girl and they went hiking. The girl brought her family dog with them.

So they're hiking, hiking. They get like three miles into the hike and the family dog slips and falls quite literally to its death down the mountain. So they have to hike three miles back down, get the dog, pull the 120-pound dog into the river and literally act like, like nothing ever happened. My guy friend like never talked to this girl ever again, obviously, because how do you even recover from that?

So I'm wondering one, would you talk to this girl again? Two, is this the worst scenario ever? And three, what is your possible worst date scenario? If there's something better than this. Thanks guys. Just imagine. They rolled it down

the river and just let it go. They gave it a river funeral. A fucking river funeral. A fucking Viking funeral for the dog. You gotta be fucking kidding me. First date. I actually pictured her being like, can you carry it back? I have to be like,

I'm not carrying a 120-pound dog three miles up a mountain. It's just not happening. The change in overall attitude of the group from before the dog and after is astronomical. And then the icing on the cake is that it's a first date. Now you have to hike back to civilization three miles. is astronomical. And then the icing on the cake is that it's a first date. Right.

Now you have to hike back to civilization three miles. And, you know, Feist was like, so where did you go to high school? What do you do for work, I guess? I don't know. That? Oh, my God. I said I want. Just like, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, okay, yeah.

That's a good school. What's your major? Oh, okay. That's a good school. What's your major? Oh, accounting? I'm a marketing major, so that's pretty good. We're similar. It's like that's a nightmare. I said that I want a director, someone to make a scene like that. That's like a meet the parents type of scene, but just dark and awful.

And I want Frankie to be the guy. Frankie, imagine that. That's like a meet the parents type of scene. But just dark and awful. And I want Frankie to be the guy. Frankie, imagine that. You're walking along and you just hear some rocks crumble and you hear a dog go like, whoop! And you look over and he's just poof! He's gone. The last thing you see is a paw. And it's just gone, Frankie.

Like a Mufasa style. I would love to know the conversation that was had to just send it down the river. Yeah. I think you've got to be like, look, this thing weighs 120 pounds. We have a three-mile-long... You know why that happened? I'm not a Marine.

We have a problem here. Your fucking dog just died. I got blood on my hands. Right, it's sympathy at first and then anger. After about an hour, you're like, I'm done with this. Why the fuck was it on a leash? What is wrong with you? I have no previous relationship with this dog.

I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you. You know what they're made for each other now, because they hate each other from the beginning. Because the fucking dog died. They're going to get married. You either got to never talk again or just marry. I would be so mad. Why does your dog have any survival instincts? What kind of animal falls off a cliff? I'm saving this thing down the fucking river alright?

You're never seeing that happen again. I really bet that they were like I bet that girl was Like let's let's hike home, and then we'll like get a car or whatever We'll come back and whatever and I bet you they got worried about it being like eaten right I bet you I bet I bet the guy was like yeah We'll leave and maybe we'll come back and she was like well no then like a coyote's gonna eat it Well like even if you go get a a coyote is going to eat it. Well, even if you go get a car, the fish are going to eat it.

We're going to go park. You still got to wait. I guess. It depends on like, yeah. I don't think a car is getting in there. She said like they're on a hike. I don't think you can get a car. But I don't know.

I guess I would probably think about getting like a, I don't know, a fucking something on wheels, rolling back. I don't know. And they were just like, no, it belongs to the streets now. I wouldn't. I'd be like, look, I'm not getting a fucking wheelbarrow. I'm not taking a wheelbarrow three miles up a mountain. I'm not taking anything three miles up a... I'm not even...

I'm swimming with the dog. I'm out of here, too. I'm jumping off the cliff. I'm also going down the river. I'll see you over there. Because what are you going to... You can bring it to a fucking vet and they just burn it, you know what I mean? It's like a human. What a nightmare scene for whoever found that dog down the end of the river. It's like little Susie's fishing with her grandpa and she's like, human. What a nightmare scene for whoever found that dog down the end of the river. It was like little Susie's fishing with her grandpa.

She's like, what's that? It's like, oh, it's fucking Lassie. It's a dead Lassie. Oh, spectacular. Watch your dog ledge down here. You've got to rename that like Dog Point or something like that. That is so fucking funny.

Horrible. Alright, boys. You got anything else for us? That's it. Next time we travel, we'll let you guys know what comes up in the car. I'm all fucked up, so I'll probably be here at some point. My brain's just always fucked up. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We need like a monthly check-in. Like a rally. What porn have you been watching? What movies have fucked your brain up? What new theories of, you know? It's endless. It's endless. We'll do some conspiracies. Watching the cosmos has really sent you off the edge. It did.

Oh, you know what's coming out soon? We'll do this. March 22nd, I think it is, there's a QAnon HBO documentary coming out. And it's all about, like, our buddy Kroll explained. It's not just QAnon. I explained it's it's not just QAnon I think it's

kind of like everything from that it's QAnon dark web anonymous 4chan 8chan yeah all that shit all right I'm in on that so that'll fuck your brain up nice and good I'm

in on that okay all right go do your thing thanks for having us thanks for having us thanks for ruining our I'll be thinking about hard cock road for the next I'm just saying

just think about it. Really think it through. All I know for sure is if I'm grabbing your hard dick or your soft dick, it better be trimmed. Last thing I want is a hairy dick. Imagine if I had you pull up to hard cock road. I feel like there's a little cushion. You're right. You're right.

I was going to try and spin zone that one. I mean, it's like a bird's nest. Who else knows what's in there? I want to see. I want to know. Imagine putting your hand in with something like crabs or something like that. Oh, God. Does that still exist?

No. Thanks to Manscaped. Really? Honestly, that should be their tagline. Manscaped. We eradicated crabs. should be their tagline. Like, Manscaped, we eradicated traps. Yeah, we're exterminators. Yeah! Exactly.

We exterminate any of your dick bugs. There's bed bugs and there's dick bugs. And we eradicated the dick bugs, thanks to Manscaped. It really is. I just used it today. I almost used it today, but I had a little shower issue today, so I didn't get time to trim up today. Yeah, it just sits there in the charger.

And I was like, you know, just part of my daily routine, just hop in the shower and zip, zap, zap, zip, zap, zap. And I mean, at this point, I have actually have like three lawnmowers because we get free ones and all that shit. So I trim my neck with one, I trim my balls with the other. Oh, you don't use them all the same um at one point in my life i did i now have three separate

trims as well but at one point in my life i was about to say i'm characterizing this as like because i am lucky enough that i got three for free i just do have separate ones i'm not above mixing and matching not at all it's my hair you know i would want to hair. I really don't care at all. If I needed to shave my face and you had a manscape and it had trimmed your balls a little bit, I would not care about it. I remember one time when we did a weight loss challenge,

me and Dan, way back when. And Dan was shaving off his mustache that last few ounces. And I had picked him up at the airport. Which is a ridiculous thing to do. He asked me to bring me a buzzer for him. And right before he put it to his lips, he goes, you're coming to your balls with this, don't you? And I went, yeah.

It's one of those things that's like mentally not great. But it's not like, you know, I don't know. If I looked down and I saw like your stray hair all over it. If you looked, you probably would have. Yeah, probably. But again, I'll use your toothbrush. I'll use your lawnmower. I just don't care.

Yeah. But I'm lucky enough that I have those two and I have the nose thing. Oh, do you? Which is a fun little, you just zip, zip. And I just, you know. I don't really get many nose hairs. I get like a little bit right here. But it's not like it's a problem. But now that I have it, it's kind of nice.

Just like, and I'm done. I could use one of those, actually. That's one of those things that I feel like you might not be aware of. You know? That's true. Like, I could see people being like, having those hairs and not even really realizing that they have. Oh, my God.

I was just thinking about how this is an old person problem. And I just remembered Mr. Portnoy called me a couple days ago and then texted me and said kevin it's mr portnoy please he said he said kevin please call me back and then he like signed it like in a like a grandparent does but he wrote mr and then portnoy in capital letters did you call him back no what i just forgot that's rude i know yeah so i just thought of like the nose that's an old people thing but but getting old. Yeah. Your brother's 40. 40. You could definitely have a nose hair problem at 40. There are plenty of people

in the 30s who have nose hair. You put some stank on Greeks. You fucking Greeks. Fucking your opaluses and your fucking opas. You goddamn. This man is prejudiced against whatever. Icuses one. This man is prejudiced against Greeks. He hates

the Greeks. Fix your economy, no talk. The Grecian dollars worth nothing. Grecian currency is garbage. Anyway, so long story short, I will mix and match my pubed hair trimmer with you if you wanted to. I'm lucky

enough to have multiple, I'm lucky enough to have multiple types of trimmers. And because of that, my nose, my dick, my face, all of it is clean shaven the exact way I want it shaved. So you can do that too. And then on top of it, along with the hardware, they have the lotions and the creams. They have boxers now that help you breathe so you're not sweating. So they've got everything for you to trim it, and then once you're done to maintain it and to keep it the way you want it. So go to manscaped.com, use promo code KFC,

and you'll get 20% off and free shipping. That's manscaped.com, promo code KFC, and you can get the Lawn Mower 3.0, the ball toner, the ball deodorant, the nose trimmer, the dop kit, the boxers, all of it. So manscaped.com, promo code KFC. They made like an empire. It's wild. They really are like, everybody's got hairy balls, and we're going to make trillions of dollars based off that. So I was watching two things this weekend.

I watched Kid 90 with Punky Brewster. I saw you tweeting about this weekend I watched Kid 90 With Punky Brewster I saw you tweeting about that I had no idea what that is I didn't know either And then I got one tweet Over the weekend Somebody said

Watch Kid 90 Especially from The documentary? Yes So Soleil Moonfry Who was Punky Brewster You know her? I had no idea what that was

Again I saw the tweet Did you know Punky Brewster or no? I knew Punky Brewster I didn't watch it But I knew like the name Punky Brewster yeah i think i think i watched it but i don't really i think i was so young watching that i don't remember yeah she was like i mean i guess a phenomenon and in a wildly interesting twist she's older now she's kind of hot she's like 45 now she's like got a hot look to her she said she was like i don't know why but i just had this urge

when i was a kid that i am like destined to tell this story. So I just filmed and journaled my entire life. She's just like always had a home camcorder and she had a crate of like dozens of journals. So she just documented her entire life and she just has endless amounts of like old school brick camcorder footage and just happened to live the most interesting life like of all time. She lost her virginity to Charlie Sheen. Really?

At what age? I don't know. Late. She was not bad. She was actually late in life. But yeah, that's her now. She kind of got almost like a Jen Seltzer look to her. I think that's not a great picture.

I can see that one. She scares me. I think that's not a great picture. I can see that one, she scares me. What's that one, the one down one more? Yeah, I mean, yeah. All right, I wouldn't kick down a door for her, but she's pretty there. I would kick down a door. Yeah, she's pretty there, okay. Yeah, I would definitely kick down a door.

But she was, Punky Brewster was like a phenomenon. And then, so she linked up with like, Zach Morris and Brian Austin Green and the like every kid actor ever. But she she lived like a normal life. Like all the other confessionals were like, your mom was normal. Your house was normal. We all just hung out and did like kid stuff there.

So she has this like weird life of like being normal and adjusted, but just having this career and exposure. Oddly enough, she when she she turned like 12, she's got a huge tits. I remember the first like 20 minutes of the movie are all about like her tits. They call their punky boobster. And you can tell I knew that I liked her when the way she talks. So she's the producer of it. She's interviewing, but also getting interviewed. But when she's talking, they were like, so what kind of like what was your life after punky brewster like what kind of roles did

you get and she was like i mean let's be honest like it was all just about my big tits she did she got the cast of like the buxom teenage girl like the voluptuous this or that it was all about her tits anyway um i mean she lost her virginity to charlie sheen she was dating the house of pain dude danny danny oh boy o'connor danny boy o'connor um she like has relationships with like johnny depp and like everyone under the sun but at the same time seemed to be like an actually nice like polite girl and was just like chronicling her life she was like hollywood actress then she moved to new york she was fucking around with the kid from kids. Like, yeah. I haven't seen kids.

Really? Yeah. I was told it was one that, like, I think, like, when I was in high school, people were like, ah, it's a little dark. And it just kind of rode off forever. A lot darker. Yeah. Like, knowingly having sex with someone when they have AIDS dark, I think.

Yeah. That'll do it. But anyway, that's just an interesting, it drags on a little bit, but it's called Kid 90. And if you, like, grew up in that era and you know those people, it's a pretty interesting – I saw the David Arquette clip between them. Yeah. Smoking heroin.

He was like, yeah, never. We only smoked our heroin. That's it. Which in his defense, that is a big difference. Yeah. There is a huge jump. As long as you're not fucking with needles, I think you're okay. But you shouldn't be smoking.

I mean he was like, we smoked crack and heroin. But we didn't shoot it. That's still pretty bad, David. He was one of our, like, first interviews ever. Remember that? Yeah. He was so weird. So weird.

He was all... Like, he was exactly like he was in that clip you tweeted. Where he was, like, very... And he's exactly like a man who, like, smoked crack and heroin for a while. Yeah, like, he probably had a pretty big drug problem. Just, like, you know, chasing the dragon the rest of your life. So I watched that, and then... Because I'm all out of shows right now.

I'm in between... Like, I wait week to week for Snowpiercer, WandaVision's over, so I've kind of been on a drought with my shows. And so I stumbled upon that, and then I stumbled upon... You know where TV Addicts, when a show's been off a week, you're like, we're in a drought. And I was like, fuck! What am I gonna do tonight? What am I gonna do tonight? I don't have a single show

to watch! And then I found The One on Amazon, which I don't know if it's going to be a good show or not i'm only like an episode and a half in but the premise is awesome the idea is that this woman has come up with a company that is called the one where you can take a hair sample send it to them they do like a 23andme type of genealogy genetic thing testing and they can match you with your soulmate uh that you will like romantically be like it's the one for you based on genetics and i don't know what obviously it's a silly idea i think uh they're alluding to like the science behind it i think they're

doing flashbacks so i think as the season goes on we'll figure it out but the i think the basic idea was like the same way that like honeybees and ants are like physically drawn to their queen because of genetics, that they're doing that with humans and finding out who you would like connect with. But then it kind of opens the door to like this Black Mirror type of episode where they are asking all these questions. There's murder and intrigue on top of all this and billions of dollars and all that shit. It's not just about like love and romance. But the ideas behind it of like the characters, a lot of the first the first question a lot of characters are asking are did you do it would you do it are you going to get it done so like if this was a real thing would you would you do it my gut went yes immediately but um and by the way let me say

like again i've only seen an episode so who knows but you'll in during the, there'll be a TV on in the background, and they'll be like, with the divorce rate skyrocketing after the one, so it doesn't guarantee this is the soulmate for you, but you still might get divorced, or you still might... Well, I don't think that's what they mean there. I think of it as the divorce rate... Oh, because you found other people?

Oh, okay, got it, got it. Yeah, I guess maybe I misinterpreted that. But some people, it doesn't sound like everyone's like happy because of it so i don't know if it's like necessarily a guaranteed thing well yeah that that actually now that i think about it because like one of the characters is a girl who's in a relationship and getting it done so it probably is like yeah i'm ditching you because this company told me that i have the one um the uh but so do you your gut said yes but then well because my one would probably be pretty like much like me i guess right like well so that's very compatible so i think i would do it

first i would absolutely do it out of curiosity and then i'll decide like okay but maybe i just don't want to marry you or whatever i'm not bound to do anything because of this, but I would want to know who it is. But like this one girl did the genetic testing and a girl came back and she was like, I've messed around with girls before, but I just thought it was going to be a guy. Yeah. I mean, what if a dude came back? Oh boy. I mean, if there was anybody who would happen, I think we'd both be like, finally, I can

just fucking, No more hiding. The genetic says so. God, alright. The fucking... I'd be like Kip Dynamite. I'm out of my hands at this point. I can basically tell you

it's been not a great go with chicks so far. Maybe that's my main problem. Came back like Ryan Reynolds. So I think I would do it. But I'm thinking about it like because I'm just thinking about like what definitely would not be compatible with me is like a hardcore type A schedule maker, fucking like a real go-getter. But I don't think that would be your soulmate, right? But what I'm saying is then I'd get – so therefore my soulmate would be like me. Oh, like a bum. Which also – You don't think that would be your soulmate, right? But what I'm saying is, so therefore my soulmate would be like me.

Oh, like a bum. Which also, awful. If you believe in the concept of soulmate, it would be that. It would be someone who's perfectly not going to be type A, but will make you a little bit better, you know, and not be overbearing.

I think I'm impossibly made better. I think I'm in my final form. I do not think... I don't think there is any like, if you work at it, you can get better. I don't think so. I think I'm there. When do you think you reached your final form? Do you think you've gotten better

or worse since you've been a downtrend? Since we've met. It's gotten worse. Do you think you were a better person when you were like 25? No, I was still on my way down then. Probably 17. On the way down. Saw you.

I think probably like 17-ish was like the best I've ever been. Not like as a person. Like I was. Just happiness? Happiness. I think it was like 24, 25. Interested. Outgoing.

Not cynical. Right. Like I think 17 was where I was like. Interested, outgoing. Not cynical. Right. I think 17 was where it was like, boom, this kid's great. And then it went down from there. And then Barstool just extinguished any little flicker of hope. And still we've been – we're still on the path down. It doesn't – but like finding someone who makes you better, that's not going to happen. I also don't believe in that.

Because I'm at the age now where like, I'm too deep in it. Yeah. I get annoyed. Yes. It's not going to make me fucking better. Totally. This is who I am.

Totally. And I guess this is a larger discussion about like, do you believe in soulmates or what would that even mean? But when I hear about like, when people say like, you know,

they challenge me and they make me better, that sounds awful. That's not what I'm looking for with like love and comfort and happiness and friendship. Like, I don't want you to be changing me and i don't want to feel like like the idea of challenge me it's like the opposite of comfort to me i want to be able to

like be myself around you and relax around you and the thought that i'd have to be like all right i have to like excel at this thing to make sure i please my partner even if it's like i'm not guess guess what i'm not challenging you no i'm not trying to make you a better person no i think of it as like it should be like a yin and a yang where it's like you like uh used to not get like enough attention from your partner and i give it to you that's fine but if it's like you have to change who you are and actively work at something to please them it's like even if even if you're i hate when i say I hate when I say relationships are work. Well, I'm not working. I work where I get fucking paid to work.

But that's also a thing that I realize. It is true. And when you say it's work, I used to think of it as like, that means it's going to be hard. Not that it's literally something that you have to proactively do every day or it will fall apart. If you come to work and you don't

do anything, you are going to lose your job. If you have a relationship and you don't actually work, it will fall apart. Like if you come to work and you don't do anything, you are going to lose your job. That's true. If you have a relationship and you don't actually work, it will end. It will, you will get divorced. You will break up. And then,

so that sounds awful. Like that does not sound fun. That sounds crazy to me that it's like, like they are not kidding when they say that, at least, you know, with some people, I don't know,

maybe if you met your soulmate, maybe it wouldn't be, but it's like, when you go to work, you mean I had this task. I have to do this. I have to finish this. And you have to do that with your relationship or you're going to just...

You'll stop having sex. You'll stop having fun. You'll start to bicker because you didn't work at... It's like, alright, I have to fuck this person tonight because if we don't it's going to be a problem. That's work. We got to do that. It is work. I'm going to go for a run. Right. It's the same exact shit, which is an interesting thought,

but it's one that I don't want to be a part of. I loved last night on the Grammys when Harry Styles actually said something where he was talking about his manager. And he's like, you've always nudged me in the right direction, not pushed me. And I was like, that's fucking – there's a big difference there. That's what I said about my brother. It's like, you know, here's an idea. If you don't like it, fine.

If you kind of like it, let me push a little bit. Don't push me. Nudge me. Yes. Like, point me that way and let me do it myself. Manipulate me. Yes. That's what I'm trying to say. Incept me.

Right. Make me feel like it's my idea. But that shit is so much easier to do with a partner, a business partner or a friend. When you're, like, romantically involved, that shit is, that rubs you the wrong way. Where you're like, fuck you. You know? Don't try to change me. I'm good at that.

I'm good at the manipulation aspect of it, I think. Well, yeah. In a good sense. Like, I'll go on rants about things that aren't connected to us. Okay. But dropping hints that it does connect. But, like, it will. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you believe that they said that? What the fuck is Alec Baldwin doing in this movie? What is he, an idiot? You never do something like that. Never in a million years could you get me in a fertility clinic when I'm 40 years old trying to have a kid. We watched It's Complicated this weekend. Anybody who would try to do that to another person

is an idiot and an asshole who's wasting their time. Let me tell you. Come on, Alec. Pedro's a pain in the ass. You can see that, right? You don't want to have another kid with Lake Bell. It's crazy. Love it.

I mean, that's so true. I think I laid out a little thick in fact. Why don't you just use our names? I guess the thought would be that a soulmate would be like, yeah, you're fucking right, man. We just click on those. I think I would do it. Here's what I wouldn't like about it. Let's say you get your soulmate and it's like they live in Korea.

And it's like, well, now someone's uprooting their life. You know? I'll do it. I don't care for this life much anyway. But if it's someone halfway around the world, what if someone who you don't... What if it was someone who you had to learn a new language? Right. That's what I mean.

That's a stopgap? Non-starter. Non-starter. Yeah. That's a non-starter. Well, I'm not learning Korean. Again... Spanish?

Sure. Maybe. But I'm not learning a new alphabet, like new characters. No, I got to have the 26. If it's a love language, sure. I can tell. The romantics, no doubt. Romantics.

I'm getting all wrong. If it was someone who's far away, if it's someone who is going to fuck with your life, it's like, well, I wish I just didn't even know about this oh I don't think it would matter to me I don't think it would matter if I knew and I wasn't with them see that I think to me it would be like alright well I either have to like uproot my life and fucking change everything

here or I'm just like not even gonna go check out with this what this is like you know yeah I think I think that would be cool being like okay so I'm not gonna marry my soulmate Yeah, I think I, I think that would be cool being like, okay, so I'm not going to marry my soulmate. So then I, I, if you,

I don't think you should do it. I just don't think it's, I think if your reaction would be like, huh, see you never. Yeah, well,

I mean, if it's like, oh, this girl lives across the hall, beautiful. She speaks English, fantastic. Nice.

But, but if I was like, you have to drastically change everything about your life. What if? I'll, dude, I, if I was like a you have to drastically change everything about your life. What if? I'll do it. If I was like a fucking part of Manifest Destiny, like my family would live in like Idaho. I wouldn't have gotten to the coast.

Here's good enough. This is a good patch of land, I think. Like I would not have fucking been a gold miner. A gold miner. I would have been a gold miner. A gold miner. I would have been a 49er. I'd have been like, this is fine, right? By the way, you know what they used to do in the gold rush? I heard this the other day on, like, the History Channel.

They would, like, if I heard that you, like, struck gold, I would burn down your hotel and make you, like, run out in the middle of the night, and then I would just, like, collect all the gold from the ashes. Pretty smart. Pretty cool, right? I was going to say, what did they do, murder them? Probably some of them did die and some of them ran away.

I imagine the fire codes were not up to snuff. I can't imagine. The whole soulmate thing is interesting from whether or not you actually believe in it. I mean, I definitely don't believe in that. I do believe that there are people you can have like a connection with i just don't think that it's one yeah i think that is probably several and i think there's probably tons that you just i mean if we're going if we're going to still stick with

the gay thing kevin uh so far you're my soulmate yeah yeah yeah i think who do i have the strongest connection with i i mean really if we just okay so i had this idea i was talking to chrissy d i was talking to stefano and i had just watched the show and me and him were talking about like single dad stuff and girls and life and shit and i'm like if i could only be gay and i started to think about like we should do a skit a skit of like reverse we just fuck each other reverse conversion therapy make me gay i like that right i like that a lot because the the only problem is that i just don't want to fuck you i the thought of like sucking your dick just bothers me a lot but if i could just get over that. I thought you were very apologetic about it.

I'm sorry. I would love to suck your dick. It just makes me nauseous. Just thinking about your cock in my throat makes you sick. Not good. I wish it wasn't that way, Johnny. It's like I watched Ted Lasso when the wife's like, I want it to feel the same way it did, and it just doesn't.

I want to suck your dick. I just can't. Because everything that has gone wrong about women, about relationships in my life, has been like women typical things. I could just start fucking dudes. So make me gay. That is actually interesting how we do have the conversion therapy, but we don't have the anti-conversion therapy. Or I guess it would still be conversion therapy. You're just converting me to something different.

Hand up. I will be like the guinea pig. Make me gay. Showing you a bunch of pictures of hot dudes. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. Not bad.

You show me a picture of a hot chick with a fat ass, and I'm like, ah. No, I don't like it anymore. You just drink fucking Cosmos, look at hot dudes, eat fancy desserts. These are the first three things that come to mind when I think of gay. Honestly, all those things. What is that, a souffle? Yes. Think about me.

Think about me. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to have an espresso martini. That is homo. That sounds delicious. Give me a lava cake. Give me an espresso martini. Honestly, he keeps showing me pictures of guys in leggings with asses that look like,

oh, that looks like a hot ass. Oh, it's a guy. Okay, well, you know. Looks like Luke can swing it, huh? You want to wear thongs. We already talked about wearing dresses. We just have to learn to fuck each other. That's it.

Just close our eyes, man. A hole's a hole. Convergent therapy. Milos is starting one down in Miami, I think. The opposite. Yeah, Milos. Fuck, it's not a gay one, too,, I think. The opposite. Yeah, Milos. It's already gay one too, bro. I'll be there.

I just can't imagine fucking you. Oh my God. Could you imagine that catastrophe? John on the bottom, clearly. Clearly? Clearly. There's just moaning and slapping and shit. I'm silent.

I'm a silent killer. Duh. Disgusting. Yeah, you would just be silent. You little fucking prude. You ever fucked an unconscious person? It's like fucking me. Five minutes.

Actually, we're done. Five minutes. That was perfect. All right, let's get into some Grammys talk. Grammys are Sunday night. It's brought to you by BetterHelp. Now, over the years, we've gotten – our sales team has done a great job of finding clients, goods, and services that really fit our show. In the beginning, sometimes, let's call it spade to spade, we were hawking things, and it's like, I don't even know what this is. The check's clear, so whatever and now we're at a point where pretty much all the clothing that

we sell and the products that we provide and the services that we push are like stuff that i either do use or like could use if i were owning a house or if i was you know running a lawn or whatever um the point being that this next sponsor is right up i rally the grammy talks brought to you by better help which is better help is online an online therapy service which is uh the only thing that's i think kept us afloat this past year i yeah i think with most people and i think everyone who hasn't done it yet is really at the breaking point. It might be time to do that before things get real messy. It's really time to dabble.

Everyone's nodding. Hands are raising in the room right now. Better help is because of two things. I guess I should say everything in this world has been accelerated by COVID, but better help is an online therapy service that really is coming to light because of the pandemic.

But I have no intention of stopping afterwards. Like, you know, everything in this world, I think we've now learned you can do that you used to do in person. You can do over the computer. And sure, maybe in person is better for you. But I think it's something that like, I'll do this long after the pandemic. It's more affordable. It's easier on like your schedule to me.

It's so much easier. And especially if you don't have to do it in a room full of microphones, if you can just do it at your house. We've been doing this at the office where like, it's like, hey, everyone get out of the studio. It's time for someone to do therapy. And I'll be like, ah.

This room is the, like, not even KFC radio people. Other people use this therapy room. Other people in the office use this studio as their therapy session. That's either very appropriate or very ironic. This is like a house of horrors where also people talk about their struggles. To me, it's like the few times I did do it, it's like in person. I was like, all right, my appointment is at 2 o'clock. I got to leave here like realistically at like one to get there on time. And then I got

to get back to the office. All of a sudden that's like a four hour chunk of your day. Whereas, you know, you pop up, open up a online call and, you know, you're not wasting any time getting to and from. And I think, you know, we've kind of learned that face-to-face is just not as necessary as it needs to be. And I said the other day. It was definitely a little weird at first, and now I'm like, oh, I'll just do this forever. Right.

It takes a little bit of getting used to, but once you do, it's like, this is wildly convenient this way. I said the other day, I couldn't tell. We've got Jackie and Zach on our team now, and they're younger. And I'm like, are they young enough that they grew up used to all this mental health stuff? So it's totally normal when we like take a break out of the workday. Like there were the other day, it was like, I got therapy at one. So we'll have to go with two. And you were like, well, I got therapy at two. So we'll have to go with three.

And I was like, all right. So we're just not, you know, therapy day. I'll see you in the late afternoon. And I was like, I wonder if the new kids think that that's normal. Like, oh yeah, I've been doing that. Like my parents do that. My my friends do that or if they're like oh my god these guys we work with are fucking crazy did we get an answer on that i think they're normal i'm from california a b i like i've been going to therapy since like eighth grade yeah so they're they're i'm i'm a part of kc radio for a reason. Specifically, Zach, I said something like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe you guys are young and happy with life. And Zach was like, yeah, yeah.

I'm really happy with this life. Yeah, sure. I was like, okay. Question asked and answered. They're all supportive of it. They're all on board. Anyway, BetterHelp is the best way to get involved with some customized online therapy. They offer – you can do video if you want.

I do think that some level of face-to-face is better where there's like being able to see it. If you don't like that though, you can just talk online. You can even do like a live chat if you want to just like text. That I actually could see myself doing too. Yeah, I couldn't see. I have to stop at FaceTime, like Zoom call or whatever you want to call it. It's got to be a FaceTime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you're not, you know, if you don't want to be seen or you don't like the cameras, you don't have to do that. Like I said, much more affordable than in person. You're not going to pay a couple hundred dollars for an hour or whatever. And the best part is you can just start like right away. They'll be able to locate you a therapist and get you a session within like 48 hours you'll be up and running and talking that's the hugest part too to me because i because i like for years i wanted to go to therapy but i just couldn't figure i i just because i'm lazy and shit like that and like depressed didn't really feel like putting in the effort to find a therapist isn't that the bitch of it all it's like that was because

you get depressed you don't do anything right depressed, you don't do anything. Right. But because you don't do anything, you get depressed. But I was like, well, where do I even find a therapist? New York City, where do I even find a therapist here? And it took like years, and eventually my mom was like, I'm finding you one. Right. But even that, I mean, I know, you know, sometimes people are like, go to your insurance website and look who's

in network. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, my mom found me one out of network. Yeah. So I pay a lot of fucking money every week. I'm switching over to BetterHelp actually as we're talking about this. Yeah. No brainer,

I'm switching over to BetterHelp. Like when people like go to your, you know, okay, you have Blue Cross, like go to the Blue Cross website, look at the,

I'm like, I'm already not doing that. That's already too many steps. I know I'm going to go to the Blue Cross website and it's going to be like, click here to pay a bill and click here to find a claim

and click here to, and I'm not going to be able to find a doctor. Here, go to BetterHelp.com. B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P,com done they'll have the list they'll have you know people in your in your area and uh right now you can get 10 off your first month when you you when you go to betterhelp.com slash kfc no code just a url betterhelp.com slash kfc we've had a lot of people ask us about like tweet like therapy questions and be like, how do you find a therapist?

How do I start? Betterhelp.com slash KFC. Yeah, that's the answer. That's the easiest. That's the only thing I don't like about having been open about like antidepressants and talking. Like I just kind of set it off the cuff and now people are like turning to me and I'm like, oh, well, I don't want that. I always want to make that very clear. Go to the professionals.

Do not – I don't know what you're talking about. I will be – I'm the sad clown. You can laugh with me and all that. I always want to make that very clear. Go to the professionals. Yeah. Do not. I don't know what you're talking about. I will be on the sad clown. You can laugh with me and all that. Do not come to me. Like, I do think that there's a bit of a scourge of that at Barcelona. It has been for years. It has been for a long time. Like, if you see something, say something, crowd.

Just, like, every, like, six months. Or not that. Whatever it's called. There's all those slogans. Yeah. Every, like, six months, there's someone who's, like, writes a blog about how they've been. Yes. It's, like, nonstop. I am not looking to get, and there

are some people who do it well. Bailey is very good at it. And Bailey will get your DMs. Bailey will help you out. I am not the person to give advice. Do not look at me for advice. Come to me for advice. Go to betterhelp.com slash KFC. Laugh at my pain and go to betterhelp.com slash KFC. Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking

about. I already have enough problems. I don't need to yours on my plate. I have not found the solution. Go to therapy. Yeah. I'm with you on that. Um, and it does,

I, you know what I think happens? I think, I think it's kind of like everybody has their, they're like a little bit of an, an awakening moment where it's like, again, what we were talking about,

how you have to work at relationships where they also say like your mind is a muscle and you have to work it out the same way. It's like, again, what we were talking about, how you have to work at relationships where they also say, like, your mind is a muscle and you have to work it out the same way. It's like, yeah, I have not gone to the gym in 18 years and my body is a disaster because of it. I have not worked out my brain in 36 years. So my brain is a disaster. Did you see that clip of Mike Tyson over the weekend? No. It was kind of awesome.

He was like, your mind is not your friend. Your mind is your enemy and it will fuck you up so you have to like train it and control it and work at it and harness it and then it can be a powerful tool but like left alone and unchecked it will fuck you up it's like you know the lying thing where it's like your brain is trying like actively working against you yeah and it was you know it's funny because he's saying it with his lisp and we know he's kind of crazy but he i was also like yo iron mike is spitting facts he had a couple other athletes on who were like i feel that like one guy was like every single training camp i'm thinking like the

same thing and the other guy was like every fight i'm going into i think about that it was like pretty on the on the nose and it's like yeah if you haven't ever taken any steps to try to combat the bad things why do we supposed to be good? It is, unfortunately, one of those things, too, where it's like, this is a grind, though. It's like, yeah, you've got to work at it. You've got to talk it out and grind it out and think it out and write. I have a lot of problems, actually, so maybe not. I wonder what therapy for normal people is.

It's like, can I just cry for an hour? Then I'll feel better. It's like, sure. It's okay. I finish up. I'm like, well well i still have a house of horrors to go home to every single night so so you can fix that anyway go to betterhelp.com slash kfc get 10 off your first month of uh online customized therapy that's betterhelp.com

slash kfc so the grammys were last night um oh i mean we've said this a million times every time there's an award show we talk about how big award shows used to be and how much of a fun event they were for Barstool content and internet content. And then whether it was when things got too political or if just the advent of... I don't think political. I don't think that's one. It's been political forever. No, no, no. Not the award shows getting political. The world getting political.

It was always a thing, but nobody took note of it. Once everybody started to hate that, they realized that their favorite actors and singers were talking political and giving their speeches, I think they all became turned off by it. But I think that was always in speeches. I know, but I don't think they were paying attention to it. I don't understand.

So more people were watching, but they weren't paying attention to it? Yeah, I think the world got political around... The elite Hollywood people have always been political. And then I think when Trump came and everybody all of a sudden became political, they are now taking note of it and hate anybody who says the opposite of such. You know what I mean? So then all of a sudden ratings are down and everyone's negative about it and it just i think it became a a like a detractor for any any artists and they're off screen or off record persona or whatever i think people started to take a lot more note of like

oh i disagree with with their political takes i think i think that's like an excuse that people use a lot and they use in sports too i think it's just like there's more stuff to watch i think they try to do that with like people kneeling for the anthem and like oh nba ratings are down i think it's just there's a lot more things to do i don't i don't think it says i don't think it's very political based oh i mean i just think everything because like i mean there hasn't been anything in the world that has been touched by a political i think everything like much like race like politics is involved in everything but i don't think it's this massive deal I think everyone wants it to be

and that's like they use it to it's confirmation bias we're like oh ratings are down, it's politics I think it's just like there's fucking 17 million channels now and there's just a thousand other things to do I don't really need to watch an award show, I'll just check it on Twitter later

I think it's just there's less of a need. It's like when they do with baseball. When they're like, in 1960, like 45 million people watched the World Series. Baseball is dying now. Yeah. I was like, well, that's because there were two channels then. Right.

The only thing on at night was the baseball. You turn on your TV, the World Series was on. That's all you had to watch. I think it's just like – and again, I'm not saying there's absolutely nothing that has to do with it. But I think people just want – it's like's like i think i think it's like the new york is dead stuff people wanted to say like a liberal city died so new york city's dead like no it's not right there's some people who just went home for a little bit and then like now they're back totally normal it's not totally normal but it's the same thing we were saying about like your life

is like it's pretty much the same as yeah what it was. So it was dominated by the chicks last night, like the Megan Thee Stallions, the Billie Eilishes, Taylor, of course. Megan Thee Stallions' ass is still shaking right now. Bro, that was aggressive for a CBS broadcast. It was post-10 p.m. I think they definitely waited until later in the show for her. And I actually had just noticed, I was talking about it, and I said, like like notice that all of her ass shaking has been frontward facing like her camera the camera was never behind her and as i said that was when she did the clap and then grabbed it yeah i was like whoa that was and there was like this i mean they were scissoring that was a cool move yeah

they were scissoring and then she flipped and then it was almost like a leg bar and a reversal. I was like, oh, Cardi B reversed it. The reversal. I was like, Megan's reaching for the ropes. She needs a rope break. I'm going to try to incorporate that, and I'm going to pull a muscle. I'm going to end up in a hospital. If you try to incorporate that, you deserve all the bad things that come your way.

That is insane. The one thing I learned, I noticed noticed last night between Dua Lipa and between... I had no idea how badly I want to have sex with Dua Lipa. When she was doing this thing... I want to marry and have sex with her every night. She was doing the mic wrap.

It was just like how someone will grab your penis. It's like this dick now belongs to me. someone will grab your penis. It's like, that's how... This dick now belongs to me. No one's ever gotten a blowjob. That's how blowjobs are initiated.

With the nails. I know exactly what that is. Short of, the only other thing she could have done was put her hair up. She put her hair up and then grabbed the mic like this. It was a lot. I tweeted. I think that was a – what did you say?

I tweeted that Dua Lipa better watch out. She grabs that mic or I'm going to get horny. I wish I saw that. I just wrote too late. Too late. And it was – A lot of horny lines. I actually thought maybe I was just being horny and like –

Well, you were. I was. But it was a lot. Everyone was like maybe I was just being horny. And like that, you are. But I was a lot. But it was it was everyone was like, I know exactly what you're talking. I think that was a a very calculated. I think her team was like, we're dropping the Dua Lipa. I had no idea. She ran the hand up this like a hand up the leg and then a boom, boom. And it was like, yeah, I know.

And even that, like, so she started out in kind of like this robe dress thing and then, poof, like shed that and just performed in like a Megan Thee Stallion type outfit. That's like when you see her in that, totally expected. I did not know Dua Lipa was going to like throw down like that. She is, is she tall? I feel like she's like a model. She looks like a Kendall Jenner like supermodel type to me. But I think that was either her or her team

being like yeah five eight being like look at that look at that picture of her on google there like you know she's fine she's a pretty girl but i would never you know some of these other pictures of her stock photos of her are not like dualipa sex bomb yeah so i think this was like okay coming out party i need to tell the world remind the world that i am like a gorgeous woman and then uh what happens from there is uh it's something that we like to call horny online. It's horny on main. I mean, the thing about it is the thing about the Internet, the horny police. I love that one.

Well, I'm about to bust. The horny police. Here's what happened with the horny police over the recent years whether you're getting bonked by the horny dog or getting sent to horny jail whatever is going on every time they they the horny police got a little too liberal they were like you couldn't say anything i think of i think of talking about sex and talking about drinking as the same thing maybe not as much drinking anymore now that i'm like officially just old but there was a time at barstool i'm like 27 28 where i feel i you know i would tweet like oh my god i'm so hung over and it was like oh this guy drinks and it's like well who's being

more ridiculous the person who just like commented that they were drinking or the person who was like this clearly struck a nerve with you that i you know like you're the one who's being more ridiculous? The person who just like commented that they were drinking or the person who is like, this clearly struck a nerve with you that I, you know, like you're the one who's being weird about drinking where it was like, you can't say anything without being accused of like, oh, I remember my first beer or like, oh, cool, Drew, do you drink? Whatever. Same thing with sex where it was like, there was a period on Twitter where I couldn't say anything about a girl without it being like, okay, settle down, horny man.

I was like, well, we can't talk about girls and sex anymore at all? What's going on here? And then it just became fun with some of the memes. Unnecessarily horny is just very funny. I know Tyler used to have some great ones. Didn't Tyler have one where

he had something about his horny? Well, he had fun levels, but I think he also had horny levels where it was like, my horny levels are off the charts. So there's a lot in his eye who nuts to that. There's just a lot of great horny memes now that it's like any chance that people get to use it. Oh, he horny, horny. Just a giant comic book character. The comic book and the anime world are very utilized in the horny – on horny Twitter.

Yes, yes. But it was but it was it was i think everyone felt it in particular what is that that was great i didn't see that one yeah i think last night i was talking to dj bean about this last night i think that there was almost a coming of age or a realization about how horny we as a people have been. Because we haven't seen anything truly sexy in like a year. Because there's been no live stuff. There haven't really been music videos being made. There haven't been many movies being made.

But a live performance that is truly sexual, like Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. Megan Thee Stallion. Well, that's why the WAP music video was such a big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The video dropped. It was like, whoa. It was because I think we, because you notice it when you see it, like with Dua Lipa. There's a stark difference between pornography and something just being sexy.

And we haven't seen in the last year, there has not been much sexy in the world. Even a good red carpet where it's like, whoa, that chick's like, the plunge is deep or her ass is out or whatever. It's like, wow. There hasn't been any of that. And then last night, it was thrust upon us. A flood.

It was just like, here is fucking sex. You guys haven't seen fucking celebrities and professionally hot people in the wild in a long time. It's even like an Instagram thing doesn't do it. It's gotta be live. You gotta just fucking watch it. There was an amateur wave and now I think the pendulum's swinging back a little bit.

There was a time where Kate Upton was the perfect blend where it was like, okay, she's famous, but what we really liked about her was when she was doing the Dougie and the cat daddy, not when she had her stage photo shoot. Then, you know, OnlyFans and all that shit. Then, you know, then there was almost too much of it where it's like, I can find you a girl who's a nobody on TikTok who has like the greatest ass you've ever seen shaking it. It doesn't do anything anymore.

You get flooded by it. Whereas now it's the opposite. It's like Dua Lipa, who's this celebrity, she shows something she hasn't shown before and it's like, wow. I think it's almost like the professionals are taking

the reins back a little bit where it's like, I'm sick of these fucking no-name hoes being the sexy ones. I'm fucking hot, okay? I've been working on this my whole life. I was even watching

the Megan Thee Stallion performance with the background dancers. I noticed she had a rather eclectic mix of women with different sizes and stuff like that. I was even looking with the background dancers. I noticed she had a rather eclectic mix of women, different sizes and stuff like that. I was even looking at the bigger girls. I've never really been a bigger girl guy. And I was looking at the bigger girls,

and I was like, God damn, I would fuck that girl. I was unnecessarily a horny guy. Somebody bonk this man. Every single person on the stage last night. Dude, I wanted to fuck the fucking goddamn Supreme Court judges in the background. The baby video. I was like, that fucking old woman was like, hey. I was like, yeah, I'll fucking hey you little lady.

I'll give you a fucking hey. Just something about seeing actual people out in the public. I was like, ooh, I want to have sex. I want to sex with you. I want to have sex with you. I want to fuck your big ass. I want to fuck your little ass. I want to fuck your fucking face. I want to fuck your fucking dick, dude. I'll fuck all of you. I don't give

a shit. You guys were literally just saying you're almost gay and now you're fucking everybody. Yo, don't put me in a box. I'm fucking Harry Styles. I'll fuck you too, bro. Yeah, he can get it. Last night was the first time I ever really understood the Harry Styles sex appeal thing. Oh, really? Yeah.

You feel stupid for saying we're the same level of attractiveness now? No, I still don't. I still stand by that, particularly because Rowan says that I look like him now. But he, I didn't know he was like ripped like that. He's got fucking abs. He's skinny, but he's in good shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I shouldn't know he was like ripped like that. He's got fucking abs. He's skinny, but he's in good shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I shouldn't say ripped because, but I still stand by that.

Like Harry Styles is in the broad strokes of people. You know, he's not some like exotic, tall, dark, and handsome Italian man. You know what I mean? Like he's still more like in our box than in like that's that's that's just a normal looking dude that looks like liam okay yeah okay you throw liam out there i can see that's what i'm saying so it's like it's it's it's obviously but liam's also like a good looking hot guy the office yeah but but you know it's it's not like you know he's stopping traffic he's if liam was Liam was famous, then probably.

But that was the one. The Chicks in the office posted that and said, what does this picture make you think of? And Roan said, what did he say? Maybe the best KFC has ever looked. And I said, okay, Roan. Now, Roan, John, I'll remind you, is an observational genius. He's a two-time battle rap champion.

He sees things. He connects things. When he says things, okay, they are. What is that picture? That's a fucking wet pussy, baby. That's a wop. That is a fucking wop. That is hilarious.

Zach had another meltdown because somebody said something nice about my appearance. That guy's got some issues with me. Joey texted me on the side. I mean, Zach was going off on the group chat. Yeah, we'll have the group chat muted. People talking too much now. Joey was like, what's up? What's Zach doing?

He's like, what's up with that guy anytime someone says something nice about you? Zach just goes off on his own. He's just having his own conversation. I was like, okay, all right, Zach. I don't know what to tell you, man. I'll tell Rowan to not say that next time. I'm sorry. But do you think that you are, I mean, given your speech about 90 seconds ago, I would maybe think we have our answer.

But do you think that you are excessively horny? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right now? No, no, no. Not right now. Not like just in general. Regularly, no. Yeah.

Well, I don't know. I feel like you're kind of a prude little bitch. I'm not excessively horny, but I'm good good to go at all times i'm ready to i'll fuck you right now yeah like it does it does not it's real easy i'm fucking i'm like you know when dennis is like i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm hard i'll get hard in two seconds it is i you want a hard dick i'll get you around i am like the hulk i Hulk. I'm like Bruce Banner. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny. When he realizes how to control it. Yeah.

Like I just stifle it. So it has been like growing up Irish Catholic, it's just lots of suppression. So it's all suppressed down. I'm the same way with – I'm also the same way with anger. I actually – I described to my therapist, betterhelp.com.kfc, that I am a cold hand touch from being furious at all times. Like if, that I am a cold hand touch from being furious at all times. If someone touched me with a cold hand, I'm immediately enraged.

And that's all. To be fair, cold hand touches are obnoxious. I'm right there. I'm teetering right on the edge of being fucking, I'll rip a door down furious. And I'm teetering right on the edge of a fucking animal horny. So I think the answer is excessively horny. But I just, I'm very good at suppressing it. So right now sitting here, I'm animal horny. So I think the answer is excessively horny. But I just, I'm very good at suppressing it. So right now sitting here, I'm not horny.

That's my secret. I'm always horny. Yeah, yeah, exactly. My secret is I'm always angry and I'm always horny. And just like, it depends which way the wind blows, you're going to catch one of them. I feel like, I think I realized two things over my career. career because there were times where I like I'll tweet about Dua Lipa. I'll tweet about like a hot girl on the screen river and people will be like, you are the fucking horniest guy on the Internet.

And I was like, really? Like, I don't know. I just saw Kate Beckinsale or like whoever whatever was, you know, on the screen or like made a joke about sex or we talked about a sex voicemail or whatever and I think I realized over the last like 12 years whatever that I forget that there really are like like I don't think of myself as a New Yorker but I forget sometimes that I'm talking to like some guy in like the Midwest who's like just very different yeah so like when I'm when when I'm like fuck this fuck you I'm kind of just like being my like my normal self I guess that comes across as like very angry to some people like you're a hater you're angry you're mean you're nasty you know we're because

I'm always like I'm really not like a I think I'm pretty like pleasant to be around when I give you my opinion it's usually like yeah fuck this guy fuck that whatever it's pretty like harsh but I'm like I'm really not that like angry of a guy you know and then and then i think the same thing where people like you're so fucking horny i'm like i think this is pretty fucking normal and i and i think i'm maybe maybe i'm just horny but i'm also realized rationalizing it as like when you talk to this many people online like i feel like i'm talking to some like prude i don't know you're just maybe you're not horny enough dude because i feel like i'm i have pretty normal levels i feel like I'm talking to some, like, prude. I don't know. You're just, maybe you're not horny enough, dude. You know what I mean? Because I feel like I have pretty normal levels.

I feel like almost in everything, I'm just pretty, pretty average. I want to, like, fuck enough, but not too much. I'm, like, pretty angry, but not going to, like, fight you. I'm, like, I like to party, but not crazy. Like, everything is just, like, normal. Yeah. But when the horny police comes out or the hater police comes out, I'm like, I feel like I'm pretty fucking normal.

I feel like my dick and my rage are pretty standard levels. See, I think that I've grown accustomed to that. Like, the horny police last night was fun. That's funny. I was enjoying it. I was retweeting it. I was having fun. I wasn't like, well, hang on.

I don't think I'm a horny. I'm fucking horny. And this is funny, so let's fucking do this. I think it's when you're – if I get horny policed when I'm horny, I'm like, take me away, sir. But there are times where I'm like, I'm not even horny yet. Why are you bonking me? I got a lot left in the tank. We got a long way to go.

I can show you a lot more than that, bro. See, like someone being like, oh, you're angry or whatever, like I just dismiss that. If I'm like not having – if it's not funny, I'm just dismissing it, Which is why I think I've always said that I probably have the most muted accounts in the world because you give one impression with me. And you got it. If you just be like, whoa, dude, relax, you're angry. You're out. Well, you're muted. Never mind. I've curated my timeline

to be like, it's pretty much just people I find funny or who haven't at least not been funny before. So I'm like, I don't even see it. I get that. I feel like sometimes, I see a lot of people who are like, man, like you kind of reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. Like what you put out is what you get in, what you, you know,

put in and get back or whatever. And so sometimes I think that I'm like, maybe, maybe, you know, maybe my life, like the problems in my life or the things that I've gone wrong are because I am negative and maybe I should try it out but then i'm like i just really don't think i'm all that negative again again some of my takes and my points and my content i will be the things i talk about sure every time i talk yeah it's pretty negative but if you ask me to give your give my give me your

opinion on like this thing on the internet it's gonna be negative but if i if i think i'm pretty positive that's exactly what i feel like if you were to come talk to me like if we would have our own conversation and you were like talk to me about your relationship or your job i wouldn't just be like quit fuck her they're lame you're right they're wrong but yeah all my and that's what i realized too it's like well of course those people only know that side of me because that's just the takes i'm always giving so that's what they think you know what i mean as long as you understand that i think it's easy yeah i'm kind of like yeah yeah that makes sense i my my so it's my biggest pet peeve when

people are like you try just try being like more nice and then maybe you'll be more happy and i'm like fuck you and the rage does come out. I'm going to hit you with a horny bat until you're fucking dead. I did get mad one time on Twitter last night because I said, I made the confession. I think it's been a long time coming. Post Malone doesn't do it for me. Seems like a great guy.

I'm sure I'd have fun hanging out with Post Malone. His music, not really my style. I don't really care for it. And someone old takes exposed me, and I got... Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, I saw that. That just doesn't apply. I said that. It wasn So, yeah. Like, that just doesn't apply.

I said that. Like, it wasn't even like, fuck Post Malone, he sucks. It was like, you know what? Not really my style. Again, I think he's a nice fella. He seems like a good dude. I'm sure we'd have fun

having a couple beers, a couple of lights. But just, I don't know. I can't, I don't remember if I've ever played a Post Malone song intentionally. I did do the most recent one. I wanted to see

what the Hootie cover was like. That was the perfect example, though. I actually kind of liked it. I thought that was totally average. I thought it was fine. I just liked the song, right? So it was like a new song to hear. But to me, every Post Malone song sounds the same.

I think they're all very heavily auto-tuned and kind of rocky, kind of rappy. And it's just not my style. And in no way can I be old takes exposed. I didn't say I hate the guy. There might be a song he comes out with where I'm like, you know what, this one's pretty good. But like for me, largely, thus far into his career, Post Malone just doesn't really do it.

You can't old take an opinion, really. Right. I'm not like Post Malone will never win a Grammy. Right. Maybe he will one day. That's an old takes. But like, eh, he's not really my style. He doesn't do it for me. I think my exact quote was Post Malone does never win a Grammy. Right. Then, well, right. Maybe he will one day. That's what it all takes. But, like, eh, he's not really my style. He doesn't do it for me.

I think my exact quote was, Post Malone does nothing for me. Mm-hmm. He doesn't. Seems like a nice guy. I'm not trying to be a major hater. Yeah. Wish him all the success in the world. Yeah.

It won't be for me. Yeah. Just not for me. I will root against you actively, sir. I'd love to hang out with Post. If he took out a guitar, I'd smash it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're doing that dude we're not fucking we don't need that we don't need to hear your music let's just fucking hang out we're having a good time when the hootie and the blowfish

thing came out i think i saw people being like this is like the best song i've ever heard it's like it was it was fine i i mean i think it's far inferior to the original version i think i actually would you ever put on that over the hootie version? I've only listened to it once. I listened to it once in bed the day it dropped. I think I quote tweeted and said it was good. And really what got me was the headline.

It's like, Post Malone released the cover of... Post Malone released the cover of Hootie and the Blowfish in honor of Pokemon's 25th anniversary

or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And it was just, what the fuck is this? What the fuck does that mean? Like, I gotta see what this is all about. It was fine. It was pretty good. I have not

listened to it again, but I think I did quote you and say this song's pretty good. Yeah, I think we live in a world where that's not allowed anymore. There are certain music and TV shows where it's like, it was okay. It was fine. I'm not gonna fucking jump at the stereo if someone puts on Post Malone, but... You know what drove

me nuts? The I care a lot reaction how was that that was very black and white that movie sucks it was not very good and i did and it was the reaction was like i mean some people were like this is amazing and like it's like it was such a mess of a movie where like i thought it was just gonna be about the caretaker thing next thing we have like the russian mob and cars are exploding and she's like surviving car crashes and dealing with hitmen i was like there was there was not a fucking sucks there's not a soul to root for in the movie yeah no one i loved the end i hope they win because i just fucking hated her right like the literal very very end but the movie itself and i think that was that that felt like old school Netflix

when there was only a couple Netflix originals where it was like, you have to watch the new Netflix thing. But now, I was like, that movie, nobody should be talking about that. That movie couldn't decide what its identity was. It was like, are we to be taken seriously? Is this a commentary on society? It almost started like a commentary, and then all of a sudden

it was being silly. Is it a dark comedy? It wasn't funny to be a dark comedy. There were too many stupid points to be like an actual drama. There wasn't enough realism to be like actual commentary. It just had no idea what it wanted to be. Yeah, some people were saying it to me, like, you've got to watch this. It's like the Britney situation.

And then I was like, if you watch the second act, if you will, it's not the Britney situation at all. We're talking about the Russian mob. Like, what movie absolutely fucking sucks. She had great outfits, though. Yeah, sure. She had really nice outfits. Good for the costume designer. So gay. I watched all of Ted Lasso in a night.

I watched the whole season in a night. And it was exactly as you described it. I mean, there is not... I can't think of another show, period, that is that positive. Actually, I mean, there are some sad... Danny Rojas of another show, period, that is that positive. Actually, I mean, there are some, like, sad – Danny Rojas, Danny Rojas.

That's David Poshnok. That is 100% David Poshnok. Hockey is life. But, like, every single character, like, all had a redemption arc and were pretty, like, satisfied at the end. And, like, it all tied up in a nice little bow. I'm telling you, Apple Plus, Apple TV, when it's all said and done, is going to be the platform. It's little shows like that that are just like... I don't want to say Ted Lasso is under the radar,

but it kind of is like... It was under the radar for a long time. It's not anymore, but it was like... I think it came out in November. I think once he won the Golden Globe, there was some talk around it, but like, that's, yeah, it's just a great little show to, I don't know exactly when it came out, but I thought, I want to say it was like November ish. And they were just, because it's based on a commercial and you just think there's no

way a show based on a commercial could be any good. But, and they did, they were like, we're not going to take this and try to turn it into something that, you know, it just, it stays in that lane. It's like, this is like a fun, fun silly imagine if this happened imagine you know um so and i i love the uh i've come so far on like on the british accent i used to hate it really i used to be like it's smug and you think you're smarter than us and like i don't i don't like ricky gervais i don't like your accent i like your words and now in like in a show like that i i want to be british i want i want to do all i want to know all the terms i want to know all the slang so we're doing a top five

today uh so top five today is brought to you by simply safe uh it's going to be top five british words british slang, British phrases between shows like Ted Lasso and then like Troops coming into my life and people getting more into soccer and European soccer I think all those phrases always either

it doesn't even have to be like you like it it either makes me happy or it makes me fucking mad there are certain things I love, certain things I hate so top 5 British words, slang slang phrases today brought to you by Simply Safe. You can take half an hour right now, 30 minutes, and never have to worry about your house and your safety ever again.

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risk-free trial, so you can try it for two months free of cost. If there's any problems, you send it right back, get a rebate, and you're all good to go. But you're not going to want to do that. You're going to want to protect your family and your belongings for the rest of your life. 30 Minutes now sets you up for the rest of your GD life. Go to simplisafe.com slash KFC Radio right now. All right, top five British as we put on the Jogo Bonito

as we're watching football in the studio. I like how both came with a Spanish accent. Well, first it's the Portuguese word and then Spanish accent. As we do British slang. Football is life. Football is life. Danny Rojas. Number one, I'm going.

There's two for me that are like one and one A. I'm going to go my number one pick. I'm go in it in it in it and it's a good one in it i just i mean i feel you just tack it on to the end it's like y'all just a short thing and i don't use either of them but they're both very useful words in it in it to me is is i say something i say some fucking lame, honky shit like, don't you think? Isn't that funny that don't you think is like, you white cracker-ass loser. You Alanis Morissette motherfucker. Don't you think? If push came to shove, wouldn't you guys agree with me?

We should do that. You know what next week we'll do? We'll do top five white people phrases. Yeah, that's a good one. Like, just stupid things like, now we're cooking with fire. Now we're cooking with gas. Now we're cooking with gas. I use that one all the time.

That's why my most used phrase is now we're cooking with gas. Absolutely. They're like dad phrases. You know what I mean? But it's funny. What separates that from a totally, I don't know, you said like pedal to the metal. Is that a lame one or a normal one?

Not lame. That's lame? Use it. Lame. All right. In it. What do you got? One.

Cunt. Cunt. Oh, just, yeah. Okay. I thought that was going quick. I mean, I guess I see what you mean. Yeah. I don't think of it as their word.

I think of it as they use it. They're allowed to use it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the British version of it as their word. I think of it as they use it. They're allowed to use it. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the British version of the N-word. They can say it. Who's just going to say that? We're allowed to say it because we are one. Oi, what's up, you fucking cunt?

And it's like, ah, choose the best. I'm like, what's up, cunt? And they're like, fucking me too. Is it me too in the office? That is so true. The difference in that. Honestly, the C word, the only other thing that compares in that regard is the N word. Where, like, you can have radically different meanings and uses based on which culture is using it.

And it's just these limey fucks with their accent are allowed to do it. Limeys and the fucking Aussies. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I can say cunt. No one's going to care that I'm saying cunt right now. I said cunt the other day about five times on the fucking conference call.

On a conference call? Yeah, with people I'd never met before. What? I was going to say, was it just internal? No, the three of us were sitting in here. Was it the game one? Yeah. You said cunt to those people five times? They said it first. They said it first, so I started saying it back.

In what regard? In a game called Who's the Cunt? And I was like, I don't think we can say cunt, boys. Who's the cunt? It's an Australian game. All right, that's different, though. I was like, oh, yeah, something like that works. I was like, that would work for us.

Just making a joke like we're all fucking cunts here. And they were like, you know what? Because it's just Australian, you can use it. And I was like, oh, I was kidding. I don't think we can say cunt. We wouldn't get away with saying cunt. When they hung up the phone, I was like, that's the most I've ever said cunt on a conference call, for sure.

Goodness gracious. Number two, I'll go... I'll go Bruv. Bruv's a great one. And Troops has been such a powerful Bruv force in the office. But Bruv, you know, at the end, in a condescending way, in a friendly way, it's a powerful one. Isn't it, Bruv? You're just going to say a sentence slowly?

Okay, I guess I have to go two. I like knackered. Fuck! Yeah, I was gonna be on mine. Knackered is just like it's drunk or tired. I prefer it drunk, but you're also knackered.

I think we're both knackered at night most times. I'm knackered 24-7, bro. Yeah, for very different reasons. Yep, yep. Knackered at night. There's a fucking... That's the name of our album. Knackered at night. I will go with... Wait, also...

Knackered. Knackered. He's knackered. I think we've got to say it in British. Oh, yeah. I never went. Oi. Oi. Oi, bro.

He's knackered. He's knackered, isn't he? He's knackered. Isn't he, bro? You're knackered. You're knackered. I don't know if I can do knack. How do you say knack, knocker?

Knackered. Knackered's hard. Hey, in British, hey, it's hard. You got to start with the oi. Oi, he's knackered, isn't it, bro? I don't think I can say knackered in an accent. It's a hard one. I'm gonna go bollocks.

Bollocks? Don't really know exactly what that means. Bullshit, I think. Right? I mean, that's definitely how, but the context is what I used to... Yeah, I guess that's bollocks. That's bollocks.

Can you, can it be like, you know when people say like, I'm bullshit, like I'm mad? Do you say like, I'm bollocks? No. No. So it's gotta be like, that is bullshit. That is bollocks. I so it's got to be like that is like i guess bollocks i guess it's more nonsense than bullshit bollocks

bollocks bruv bollocks bollocks bruv isn't it yeah isn't it bollocks bruv isn't it um dodgy yeah what's that what's that sketchy. Again, I'm just guessing here. Oh, he makes dodgy. I'll piggyback right on that one. Cheeky. Cheeky. He's a cheeky cunt. Yeah!

Isn't it? Isn't it, bro? Isn't it? Cheeky. Cheeky, dodgy cunt, bro. This is fun. This is just like, hey, you guys want to play dress up with words? Right. I'm sure we have some British fans who are like, this is the worst segment they've ever done.

Could you imagine if we listened to something where people were like, yeah, awesome. Awesome. That's my draft pick. Cool. Yeah. These are awesome American words. Okay. This is a phrase, not a word.

Bob's your uncle. What is that about? I don't know. Wait. Bob's your uncle. What is that about? I don't know. Wait, Bob's your uncle means like. I think like you got, like, you're all set. Or Bob's your uncle. Yeah, like, if you're going to do that, then Bob's your uncle. I thought it was like, or Bob's your uncle. Like, if you can't do that, like, you're an idiot or something like that.

Like, this is so easy. Let's figure it out. Yeah. Like. Everything's set, sort of? You go back to the car comes back to the mechanic or something like, Bob's your uncle. You're good to go?

That's stupid. That one makes no sense. I like it. What's the other one from Green Street? We should just look at that. Mean Street Hooligans. Green Street. Green Street Hooligans like. Green Street. Yeah, Green Street hooligans like slang. It's Chelsea slang is what it's called.

But Chelsea slang is like rhyming slang, which is like fucking. I forget the example they use in. Oh, bees and honey is money. Oh, I like that. Yeah, bees and honey. Mind you, like, keep your, like, I forget, like, mind your business. Leave it by bees and honey. That's a cool one.

Or Bob's your uncle. I'm going to go with my last one here. I hate it. I hate this word. Oh, okay. But I feel like it's so specific to them. And I feel like it's because it makes it childish and silly. And I think of Austin Powers.

And it's shag. I hate that. I and it's shag. I hate that. I like it with an accent. You know, oh, gave the missus a quick shag, eh? That sounds cool. If you say a quick shag, I feel like if they're like, did you shagger? Did you guys shag? It's like, just say fuck.

Come on. You could use our word on that one. Yeah, that one's universal. Right? Like, you fuck somebody, you fuck them. Why do you guys have to say shag? I mean, that specific to them right i don't know like any other like you're never gonna catch anybody else saying that um again maybe the aussies but like is anybody else saying shag for fuck no doesn't doesn't it sound it's i guess it's maybe almost like the equivalent of bang where it's like did you banger it's like you're not gonna try you're not gonna be sexy you're not gonna say it if you're being serious you know but if you're just like like like the

british oh he shagged me yeah shag me shag me randolph shag me you can't do that right you can't be yelling shag me in bed randolph who's getting fucked by some guy named randy i said girls don't say that oh you're true all? All right. I said it. Check the tapes. Check the time stamps. I said girls don't say that. Or gay guys. End it, bro. Harry Styles doesn't say that to me.

Last pick, bro. My last pick is, so one I would want to do, but it's Irish, I think, so I'm not going to do it, but crack. What's the crack is it's what like whenever i talk to the the irish guys at the bar where we'll be doing our live live show wednesday night yeah tomorrow night we got a handful of special guests already um yeah well we got one yeah and then i think we have a couple barstool people who'll be popping on oh cool and then and then one of the irish fellas who owns the, he's going to pop on. Awesome. So we got a couple of pop-ons who will be there.

But he's always like, Johnzer, what's the crack? I like that. I don't know what Johnzer he spells when he texts me, J-O-H-N-S-E-R. Oh, like Johnzer? Yeah, I guess. Or like Johnzer. Johnzer, what's the crack, lad? What's the crack is pretty fucking cool.

What's the crack? But it's Irish, I think. I've never heard Brit say it, so I'm not going to use it. Maybe we should just start saying that. Yeah, what's the crack, maybe? Like, we'll start the show, and it's like, What's the crack? But it's Irish, I think. I've never heard Brit say it, so I'm not going to use it. Maybe we should just start saying that. Yeah, what's the crack? Like, we'll start the show and it's like, what's the crack? It's another addition to KC Radio, what's the crack? What's the crack, folks? Yeah, yeah, I like that.

I like that. Alright, we'll write that down. We'll forget to do it, but we'll write it down. This will never happen, but yeah. Well, I'd give you that pick. That's, you know, I don't know. No, I think people are going to get mad. People get mad online. And I think, so I'm actually kind of,

I'm cheating right now. I'm looking down. I think that I'm going to have to go with gutted. Gutted? Yeah. And again, just because the way they kind of say it. The way they say it. Absolutely gutted.

Like, I'm gutted, mate. I'm fucking gutted. When you say it like that, that says, ah, man, this sucks. When you lose a game, I'm sure when Arsenal loses, it's like, fucking gutted, mate. I'm gutted, bro. Understand, man. It's a much more visceral way to say it. I could say that.

The Mets lost. I'm gutted visceral way to say it. I could say that. Like, the Mets lost. I'm gutted. But when they say it, they... You'd say, like, I'm sad sounds whiny. I'm gutted. Sounds like that poor fucking soul. They hit that T and that D. Gutted. Gutted.

Yeah, no, they do. Yeah, it's not even... Some words are not even different words. It's just the way they use them and how and the frequency. It just changes. I can't tell you. I mean a few years ago, I would have hated like all this. I would have been like fuck all these –

I don't think I've ever met someone who was like fuck a British accent. Always. Always. I was like they're pretentious. They're condescending. I do hate certain – I hate shag. I don't like flat. I hate lift.

I don't know why. Lift is an elevator, right? Yeah, lift is an elevator. Flat is your apartment. i hate lift i don't know why lift an elevator right yeah lift an elevator flats your apartment i hate all that you know what it is the girl i used to date in high school um she said a lot of these words and her brother was like a pretentious asshole and it was like and he at this point like her parents were from like scotland and like they were not and so he should have talked normal and he was like yeah but you talked about your parents talk i guess but whatever whether it was fair or not i was like yeah it's a don't give a shit if i was making sense fuck an american kid telling me like open up the boot like no accent or anything just be like you know put like put it in

the boot like bro fucking trunk you know so all these things started about it right you're right you're right you know you're not from there so fuck off so uh but you know the rest of it it's a fun time isn't it bruv let's do our voicemails they're brought to you by miller light very apropos because when you sit down and uh you share a miller light with your friends or an acquaintance in this case we're all you know we're all friends here. You call the podcast, you're a friend. One of the thousands of people that we've talked to over the years, you're friends. And with your friends, you drink a pint, don't you, mate?

I had, well, let's just say I had a couple of gallons of Miller Lite on Saturday. A couple of gallons. I had a couple two-tree gallons of Miller Lites.. A couple of gallons. I had a couple, two, three gallons of Miller Lites. Responsibly, of course, but a couple, two, three gallons. It's actually incredibly responsibly. I woke up Sunday morning feeling great. That's the beautiful thing of the drinkability of Miller Lites where it's not filling. And, you know, there's nothing like drinking a beer where everything else can kind of get

you in trouble. You know, you drink – you do shots. You drink some hard stuff. Obviously, that can escalate quickly. And the wine – I always do a couple shots. We were large. Large. Yeah.

Actually, let me pose a question to you. OK. Because this came up while we were there. So we were at Captain Kahn's engagement party. Congratulations to Captain Kahn's. And I don't know if you can call it an engagement party, but an engagement get-together. Yeah, that's what we can do. Yeah. And we were at an American Legion, I believe it was, or something along those lines.

Okay. And I think it was Large who looked around and was like, wow, you can tell everyone here is a vet. Because the cons had rented it out, so it wasn't like the Legion was still being utilized as it regularly is. And I did not get that vibe at all. I didn't think there was a very heavy veteran presence in there. And then I was looking around, and I went to the bathroom later, and I was like, I look like as much of a vet as all these fucking people do. And I think I could pull off a vet vibe.

You don't talk to me. I don't think so. You don't think, like, with this mustache right now? No, I was going to say, right now you look very not better. You dress like an asshole. You act like an asshole. Well, the way I was dressed, yes. You have bad posture.

You don't do anything. You might be the least veteran person I've ever seen in my life. I just watched Jack Ryan. Oh, that's what happened. Okay. And there's a guy. So John's been playing pretend and stand. I've been playing Call of Duty in my head.

But there's a guy in it who, like, he's one of those CIA types who, like, he doesn't look like a vet. And I was like, I kind of have his vibe where it's just like stupid. Oh, so you're like the spy, huh? Yeah, I'm like the fucking. I'm such a veteran they don't even know me. I'm special forces, baby. They don't come and fucking check my stubble. They don't ask me to see the safety on my weapon. The safety's right here, motherfucker.

You're such a colossal idiot. Colossal idiot. Can I pull off that vibe? No! Dick! No! What are you guys... Stop smiling right now. Hang on.

You look suicidal. That's the only thing. It's such a curse I have where if I'm not smiling, I look suicidal. It's also true. It's an accurate depiction. It's not a curse. It's a reality. It's like what I was talking about earlier with the horny and angry, like the flip of the switch.

There's a fine line. All that's fucking stopping me from being suicidal is right here. Look at this. It's like this for John. It's like, horny, dead. Horny, dead. Anyway, I love a good Miller Lite. Hang on.

Yeah, let me finish this Miller Lite here because they are drinkable. They only have 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. So you have yourself, you get together at an engagement party or to celebrate something and you can have a handful of them. You can have several of them. Of course, like I said responsibly, but you do it so and the hangover is not bad and the night's enjoyable. So

it really is the best beer to celebrate with. Whether it's an engagement, a birthday. I had a couple Miller Lites for my birthday, my brother's birthday. So, you know, on the family Zoom, you crack them open, you drink a cold one. He's got one across the country. I got one here, and somehow it feels like we're all together because we all have that shared common bond of loving beer.

Just fucking loving beer. With great tasting, less filling. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin from the Miller Brewing Company. So, you know, it's the real deal. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces with great taste. So however your friends are enjoying the Miller time, you can too with the original light beer delivered to

you right to your door when you go to MillerLight.com slash KFC. That's MillerLight.com slash KFC. Get your MillerLight and start enjoying. Do you know what Boys State is? No, I literally just looked it up today. It's very odd that you bring that up. I do know it.

It's thousands of Texas Americans. No, not just Texas. Everybody. Oh, I thought it was just in Texas. No, because I did it. What are you talking about? I did Boys State. Proceed.

Yeah, so I see Apple TV has a documentary out right now called Boys State, and it is in Texas. So that's what you saw somewhere. Okay. And that one is specifically about Texas. And I would imagine in Tejas, they take it very seriously. So it's an American Legion thing where you get like 1,000, I think it's 1,000, boys who are all like high school level. And you go to like this camp basically for i think a week

and you you set up like a it's only a week so it's kind of silly but like you set up like a little local government so one one like outstanding kids runs for governor and they have these little caucuses and you vote and you set up a like a government for a week you're supposed to learn about democracy and and the the the process and the legislator and also you live in like a government for a week. You're supposed to learn about democracy and the process and the legislator. And also you live in like a bunk with a vet, a Marine. So it's like a little bit of boot camp, a little bit of... And you attended this? Yes.

So I did this, me and like my three best friends, like my degenerate friends. How old were you? It's junior year of high school. So we were all doing it for college, like, what's it called? Resume, shit. You know what I mean? Yes, college applications.

So we go to Morristown, I want to say. It's either in Jersey or upstate New York. No, Morristown, New Jersey. Yeah, but that doesn't make sense because we were the New York ones. So it was SUNY Morrisville. That's what it was. Morrisville in the middle of fucking nowhere and i mean me and my friends at that age that to me i peaked early with a lot of things

you know so like at that level we we are like doing our worst you know like we are delinquents we're drinking we're doing drugs we're like just shitty scumbag kids, you know? And we go to this thing. You got elected governor? No, no, no. And that's how we learn politics is fucking bullshit. But we get there. I've done anal before.

Governor! Oh, man. We get there and we get bunked with like random people. I think actually me and my one buddy luckily got bunked. And there was a third. The rest of them were just spread out. And everybody else was so fucking lame. They were just so into it.

And then we had this one kid. His name was Ken. And he talked like this. And at the time, Eminem's albums were out. So we called him Ken Kniff. And he was like, geez, guys, you think I can win? You think I can become governor? It was like cartoons. No, bro. I was like, he was like, geez, guys, you think I can win? You think I can become governor? No, bro.

I was like, have you heard yourself? No fucking way, Ken. And he was like, yeah, I just, like, I would be so proud. And I mean, it was like, what is wrong with you fucking freaks? I mean, they loved it. These people were, like, hardcore. A lot of them were, like, Eagle Scouts. They were, and I don't mean to put it all down, but you guys are all fucking losers.

They were, like, Boy Scouts, and they were into politics and government and like we were very clearly like we are fucking here like against our will basically like just to get into college uh and it was like the wackiest wildest experience of not wildest like lamest but just weirdest experience of my life we and then i had this dude the one dude i'll never forget though staff sergeant uh delay was his name he was this jacked black dude who could lift like 600 pounds pretty like small pretty compact though and he was like you guys want to watch me bench and he was he was like he would just fucking smash his wrist together and then he'd go big explosions big explosions big explosions and then he would just fucking smash his wrist together. And then he'd go, big explosions, big explosions, big explosions.

And then he would get down there and he would just put up like 600 pounds. And all of us were like, holy fucking shit, man. But we were doing, we had to march everywhere. You had to stand at attention. We had to do, we had to like go jogging where they would do those like call and response songs. You know, like those army songs. You know what I mean? Yeah. call and response songs you know like those army songs you know what i mean yeah i mean just like this weird week-long blip of my life where i like pretended to be like an rotc

government this is politics so we i mean it was like a fever dream like i look back on it i'm like was that fucking real and like watching the kids who were like please vote for me for governor i was like please fucking put a gun in your mouth and kill yourself. You goddamn losers. Dude, I vividly remember the first time I ever met someone, and he ended up becoming a friend of mine. But I met someone who was into politics. And it was like, you know, I was in high school. So it was like before politics were as politicized as they are.

Right. At least, you know, again, to my attention. Right. I'm sure if someone who was 25 back then or 35 was like, yeah, politics were always pretty divisive. But it was like I remember like I'd met people from all walks of life who were impossibly different from me. And it was always just like, okay. Like you meet a gay person, a first gay person. Like I like guys.

I'm like, okay, cool. But these people are not, right? And then I met this kid who's like I'm into politics and I was like what does that mean he's like I just like I like politics like you like sports

I was like what do you mean you like politics they say that in the documentary like the opening line the kid goes like some people say I'm a sports junkie

I'm a politics junkie and I really no it's not the same thing he's like no it is the same to us no but it's not no it's not and I actually have made the comparison in recent years that it has become like sports no it's not the same thing he's like no it is the same dust no but it's not no it's not and I actually have made the comparison in recent years

that it has become like sports where it's like I'm a Republican and I just root for it die hard no matter what like the facts are so I can't be hypocritical or I have made that comparison

but back then it really wasn't like that and even to this day it's not yeah and I and as much as I am like cool like whatever floats your boat

do your thing that's white people whatever floats your boat like go ahead thing. That's white people. Whatever floats your boat. Like, go ahead. Do your shit. I don't really care. But this like rubbed me the wrong way. I was like this.

And actually even watching. I watched like 10 minutes of the documentary. I think it's all pretty like brainwashy where it's like. These are these are the people who like can't understand kneeling for the flag. It's like, no, America is just the greatest and there's nothing wrong. And, you know, so I actually do think there's like it's not just like hey man that's my interest leave me alone it's like no i think there's problems with this but at that age like like i said we i mean we were at our worst where it was like the only thing that

mattered was like where the next beer blunt and like girl is gonna come from you know and it's like you guys are running for election for like a week long pretend. But there was this one kid, man. He passed out when we were standing at attention. It was the best. They tell you, like, do not stand with your knees locked because like it cuts off your blood flow. It was our graduate. It was our what do they call it?

I think inauguration or something stupid. The final day we did this like parade around and had to stand at attention in the field while there was speeches and shit all the other people's parents came like all of our parents were like see you when you get home uh and and he we were like don't lock your knees and we stood there in the fucking heat and he passed right the fuck out it was incredible it was so there's nothing like a good pass out oh it was amazing. Church is a big pass out spot. A couple of pass outs. Weddings. Yes!

I'm sure if I ever went to a college graduation, I would have seen some there too. Anytime you're going to stand still outside in the sun for that long, maybe one day. Maybe you'll pass out when you eventually graduate college. It was just, man. Should we go to Jackie's graduation? Yeah.

Talking on the mic. Nobody is worse at talking into the mic than Jackie. And you know what she does too? I'm going to put a fucking lav on you next time. You know what she does? She grabs it and she'll like pull it and then just... You're doing it right now! Move it to the mic! I leaned into it. We're going to go to your graduation.

You guys are uninvited for my graduation. That was a quick mistake she realized. No, we're coming. When is it? I don't know. May. Yeah, we're coming. I don't know.

May 8th. May 8th, 2.30. Here's the address. I'm going to meet my family. I don't even know we have to do that. I just want to go and cause a scene. Exactly why you guys are uninvited. Yeah, like when they announce their names.

Like a fucking state school graduation, I'd get there, they'd be like an hour through. What's your last name? Is it N? Yeah, she's right in the middle. I'll show up two hours late. Yeah, yeah. Like, all right. Like, let me know.

The two guys laughing and the guy passed out. I would, I mean, when they're like, uh, like Jacqueline Nichols, I'd be like, look at this cat! Look at it, look at it, her fucking headphones are tangled! Yeah, we're going to graduation. KFC Radio goes to graduation. Let's go. Real quick, before we get into voicemails, we have one more topic to touch on. And you mentioned it briefly there.

Kneeling. And we had a bit of an incident at the Georgia High School State Championships. I think we touched on it earlier. I tried Castellanos to left. It will be a home run. The greatest. The greatest. And when I say greatest, I mean the worst.

Apology. Excuse. So some Wilford Brimley looking motherfucker. Just some old a home run. The greatest, and when I say greatest, I mean the worst apology, excuse. Some Wilford Brimley looking motherfucker. Just some old white dude in Georgia with a bushy mustache. I was actually hoping it was... Wait, was he? Did he look like that? I thought I saw a picture of him looking like a shaved head juice head. Oh, so maybe it was...

I saw a picture of the statement. Oh, so it was Wilford Brimley because it was diabetes. You saw a picture of the statement oh so it was wilford brimley because it was diabetes you saw a diabetes meme i thought it was that yeah yeah i was like i think he's like he looked like kind of like a juice head like like he looks like a football coach like he looks like yeah like an asshole who would say yeah yeah yeah okay yeah so i honestly i was like wow this guy looks just like wilford brimley anyway it was it was diabetes, huh? What a coincidence. There's probably people listening at home like, you fucking morons. Yeah, there were high school girls, and I know it shouldn't matter, but it does.

High school girls kneeling for the anthem. Semi-final, I think. And he was screaming at them, you fucking N-words. And then he went full-blown Tom Brenrenneman in his apology in a written statement saying that he's a man of faith and a man of god and that he once was a baptist youth pastor and then the final honestly like all that stuff i was just like yeah no i figured yeah like the shoe fits yeah yeah i'm a man of god who say that yeah no that makes sense i was a youth pastor yeah sure yeah baptist and like check makes it makes a lot of sense i would have guessed all of this without the statement none of this is helping your cause and then the final like

paragraph i will say and this is not an excuse for my behavior but i am type 1 diabetic and my sugar levels were spiking and that leads me to say things that i often wouldn't say again not an excuse but this is what this is like this is fucking sanity uh wasn't paula dean it was fucking uh who are the famous roseanne roseanne on steroids every roseanne said she'd be taking fucking what's the a sleep medication ambient ambient yeah like she was on ambient oh yes and it was like her her like i think hers was anti-jewish anti-semitic yeah i forget exactly what her rant was what i i actually will buy her ambient and his diabetes can lead to like an outburst or something but again it's

like myers-lennox yeah when i'm annoyed but i'm not feeling well i i say things that i will be on ambient and i'll be out of it, and I'll be like, you fucking cocksucker. You say other things. My sugar could be spiking, and I'd be like, motherfucker, I need sugar! And you are like, fuck you, N-Words! I mean, that's, yeah.

I get it. I do lash out occasionally. You're right. When I'm not feeling perfectly, I lash out. I still don't say the N word, the K word, any of those words. Could you imagine screaming at, let's call it, like, there's probably some 16-year-old girls on the court. Or younger. 15-year-old girl on the court.

You're like, fucking, I mean, that is insane. It's pure lunacy. But also just a beautiful excuse. I wish, it's so, it's unfortunate that it's such a viciously, like, inappropriate thing that you can't really joke about at all. Otherwise, I'd be like, it's unfortunate that it's such a viciously, like, inappropriate thing

that you can't really joke about at all. Otherwise, I'd be like, this is the greatest, like, I'd put him in the Hall of Fame. Yeah. If it was any other curse word

or insult, I'd be like, you know, put him in the Hall of Fame for the best slash worst excuse ever. What I will say, and I learned this because of Morgan Wallen, like,

we're laughing, but like, Texas is this? Georgia, I believe. Georgia's town, like, they're're laughing, but like Texas is, is, uh, George, I believe George's town. Like they're probably like, okay. Right. Like he probably saved his skin for like the next job. I'm not saying he's going to get off scot-free, but like, you have to remember that we're

laughing about it, but that's a good enough excuse for his town for them to be like, we'll hire him in the next town over. You know what I mean? It's fucking insanity. But, uh, I mean, i mean even this i guess george is georgia georgia is deep south deep south he can just go to mississippi it's a fucking job requirement yeah right you know you get a you get a promotion have you said the n-word on camera before all right yeah i mean it's but i i love i'm so happy that that the Brenneman thing really caught on as like a meme.

Like when that first happened, I was like this is my favorite thing that has ever happened in the history of the world. I put it on the T-shirt. I mean I fucking loved it. And I love seeing everybody add like the tweets that were just like his apology blended with this apology. It's just so fucking good. What's his name? Tom Brenneman. Tom, okay.

I thought you said Neil. And I believe that's John C. Reilly's character in Step Brothers. Neil Brennan. Neil Brennan. Wait, no, no, no. Neil Brennan's the actor, the comedian. No, Brennan's the first name in Step Brothers. That's Will Ferrell's name.

I don't know what John C. Reilly's name is. I feel like I know Neil Brennan for some reason. Brennan, I don't know. Neil Bren Will Ferrell's name. I don't know what John C. Reilly's name is. I feel like I know Neil Brenneman for some reason. Brenneman. I don't know. Neil Brennan, we know him. He's the comic.

The Chappelle Show comic. Neil Brennan. No. That's not his name. Neil Brennan. Is it? Is it? The guy that we...

Is it? Yes. Absolutely. Okay. Okay, then that's what I'm thinking of. You know what's happening to you right now is, fuck, it's in Ted Lasso.

Oh. Spatial. When words just became sounds. But there's a phrase for it, and I learned it from Ted Lasso. I can't remember now. I was so happy to learn it because I was like, that happens to me, and I don't know how to explain it, and now I can't explain it. But he so happy to learn it because I was like, that happens to me and I don't know how to explain it and now I can't explain it.

He's like, he's saying the same word over and over again. Probably, probably, probably, probably or something like that. That happens to me all the time. Neil Brennan wrote for Chappelle's show that Brennan Huff is Will Ferrell's character. Anyway.

Got to clear that one up. Be careful, diabetics. All right, Voicemails. Let's go. We'll do a couple because this is like a 10 hour episode. Hey, what's up? I'm the guy who for some reason never gets shouted out on these intros.

Zach, um, just had a quick question for you guys. Uh, I was thinking about who do you think the best and worst superheroes to have sex with would be based solely on their powers? Like, I'm not talking about the actors who play them or what they look like in the comic books, just based solely on their powers. I got to think just because he's got bones of steel and all that, getting them cheeks clapped by Superman would probably not be a pleasant experience.

Meanwhile, I don't know. I feel like Iron Man would be fun. I feel like he's into that lifestyle, got all them gadgets and all that stuff, if you're into that. But, yeah, just wondering what you guys would think. Let me know. Viva. Great question.

Iron Man would definitely wreck your clit with something you haven't even heard of. I was going to say, like, Iron Man, I don't know if Tony Stark can fuck, but, you know, he'll have Jarvis on that pussy. Yeah. For real, Tony Stark can fuck. Tony Stark fucks. Tony Stark's an international playboy. Right. Tony Stark can fuck, but he'll have Jarvis on that pussy. Yeah. Tony Stark can fuck. Tony Stark fucks. Tony Stark's an international playboy. Tony Stark can fuck.

He said, I think it's only Iron Man 1 when he's in the back of the truck. Actually, he's in the fun V. And they ask one of the soldiers, is it true you nailed everyone from Maxim's, all 12 from Maxim's, is it true you went 12 for 12 with the Maxim calendar last year? And Robert Downey goes, like, no, no, no. December actually had two, so it was 13 for 13. That's awesome. So it's, but, like, yeah, and then he'd have Jarvis fucking playing with your butthole or some shit like that.

He'd probably play with his butthole, too. Tony Stark will put that fucking thing in his chest, like in your fucking pussy. Your whole body will explode. I bet Tony Stark you have to fucking take that thing out of him like getting choked. Fucking pull out his fucking heart. He needs to feel alive.

Some auto-erotic asphyxiation, Tony Stark style. Just take it, not all the way out, just a little bit. Putting it back into the last second. Jesus Christ. Maybe before I turn totally black. Maybe before the veins in my head start going fucking blue. Fucking pop that bad Larry back in there. Pull that fucking shrapnel out of my heart.

I mean, we saw this basically. saw superman fuck basically if you watch the boys that's when the homeowner fucks that's what superman fucking would be like but he doesn't fuck very well right um i mean he's flying around in boy season two i thought boy season one like he doesn't kind of puts down like a bitch with that fucking chick season two he fucks stormfront and like he's throwing her into the walls and shit. And I think the director was like, they very purposely were like, let's make a sex scene with superheroes because I think the

season one people were like, I wonder if we'll see some sex scenes with the boys because it's supposed to be real life. And I think he said something like, challenge accepted. I think he tweeted it like, challenge accepted. Oh, really? And then there's something, there's like a phrase that they use that's like, super cum or something like that where he was like, intentionally, I'm. Oh, really? And then there's something, there's like a phrase that they use that's like super calm or something like that, where he was like, intentionally, I'm going to make some kinky

superhero sex scene, and he fucking did. I mean, Stormfront gets the shit beat out of her. I mean. Stormfront gets lit on fire at one point, I think. I mean, that sounds like you're trying to check shit. There's only like one girl alive who does that for real. It's her. I mean, season one, they have the chick ride the guy until his head pops off.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Popclaw, whatever her name was? Popclaw crushed it. Popclaw's getting her ass eaten and explodes a guy's head. That was awesome. And then, I mean, Stormfront beats the... She fights back, too. I mean, Homelander gets roughed up.

And then I think he lasers her tits. Yeah, yeah. He burns her tits. She's like, stop being a pussy. Yeah, yeah. Fucking laser me. Season three She's like, stop being a pussy. Yeah, yeah. Fucking laser me. Season three. Yikes.

Who knows what's in store? But I also think Superman, so obviously Homelander's an asshole. Superman fucking would be a pussy. You think so? Yes. Superman's a pussy. That's why Superman is never. Superman, it's like he should be everyone's favorite superhero because he's that fucking

awesome. But he's such a pussy that he's nobody's favorite superhero. Well, yeah, I guess you're right. That definitely translates to sex. I think he's no one's favorite superhero because he hasn't really gotten a good movie. I guess I haven't watched any movies. Because it's hard. I don't watch any DC.

It's hard to make a movie because it's like nobody can beat him. And he's all like, you know, he's all, there's no moral ambiguity. There's no gray area. It's just, like, he does the right thing all the time. He's the, like, it's like how dating works. It's like the nice guy finishes last. Right. It's like nobody wants to fuck Superman, you know?

It's like, well, what are you going to do? He's also an alien. Everyone else is of Earth. They're of Earth and they just had, like, some horrible fucking accident happen to them. Yeah. Like, he's just, he's an alien. You're fucking a whole different species. Like horrible fucking accident happen to them. Yeah. He's an alien. You're fucking a whole different species. He probably got a weird ass dick.

He probably got a dick from aliens. You think that? That shit just comes out your stomach. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. That was awesome. It sounded like a chainsaw.

Superman has to feedus fucking dick. That's how he eats. He eats his dick. He's got a fucking weird... Puts an apple down there and he just... Yeah, Superman's got a fucking... Superman's dick just comes up

to dinner at the table. You gotta get a table of three when you're at dinner with Superman. I mean, Lois Lane for sure fucked Superman, right? Yeah. In the comics, did they? I mean, I don't know.

Because I know... Did you ever watch The Real Adventures of Superman? No. Lois and Clark? I don't think I've ever seen a Superman movie. No, no. This was a TV show.

Or a TV show. It was a TV show. And Terry Hatcher. It was, like, a primetime, once a week show, The Adventures of Superman, Lois and Clark. And it was, like, kind of like a soap opera-y version of it. Like, it was like if you mix, like, Grey's Anatomy with Superman. It was awesome. It was terrible.

It was awesome. It was terrible. It was awesome. I feel like Tony Stark was a great answer for both those reasons, technology and persona-wise. I mean, Batman fucks, no doubt. International, like, billionaire playboy. Bruce Wayne fucks. I think Hawkeye. Hawkeye's never going to come in your hair.

That's good. Why is that? He's very accurate. Oh, okay. I bet you he... Listen, even Hawkeye. You just can't control that thing. You just can't. There are times it's like, I'm not...

Listen, it's not going to come anywhere near your eyes or your hair. I promise. And it's somehow on the back of your neck. It's crazy. It's like the magic bullet. It's crazy. Back and to the left. I don't know how that happens.

I think Captain America would that happens. I think Captain America would be terrible. I think Captain America and Superman are in the same boat where they're like, oh, I can't joke you. That would be against the rules. I will literally break your larynx. I think I'm filled with green poisons.

Yeah, the Hulk would be terrible for that. I don't think he'd be good. The Hulk's just too big. It's too big. I mean, the Hulk's Lexi and Steel. Yeah, it's would be terrible for that. I don't think he'd be good. The Hulk's just too big. He's too big. I mean, the Hulk's fucking Lex, uh, Lexian Steel. Yeah, it's just too much. It's just too much. Too much. It's just too much. Uh, I think the Flash would suck.

Come on, come on. I mean, that's a little low-hanging fruit there. What do you say we dabble in the women? Nah, next voicemail. What do you say we check out fucking some superhero chicks I mean okay I thought we were just gonna touch on the two that like the voicemail mentioned

I can't tell you how little I want to talk about fucking superhero girls I have no interest in that like Captain Marvel no I don't want to fuck any of. Like Captain Marvel? No. I wouldn't fuck any of these girls. Captain Marvel with that stupid ass fucking haircut? No. I wouldn't want to fuck any female superheroes.

Black Widow, yes. Black Widow in a heartbeat. I guess. I don't know. I mean, Black Widow is just like, she's fucking. Scar Jo. Black Widow is mean, buxom, and flexible. My big three three There you go

The man likes what he likes He knows what he wants I mean I can't even think of the other girls I don't even I can't think of one superhero I want to fuck I would I forget Zoe Zaldana's character

Gamora Gamora's a baddie Oh Pepper Potts I don't think she counts as a superhero She technically has a superhero name I forget what the hell it is She just She bars her husband's fucking equipment

It's like when my mom Uses a hammer, she's a construction worker Iron Man 3 She like shoots fire for a minute or some shit Yeah but that's But they fix her Yeah I think but that's – I guess that she keeps – but they fix her. Yeah, I think so. Like, she's – Tony's like, I can fix you.

So, like, she just gets poisoned by the bad guy in Iron Man 3, and then they have to fix her. So that's not like a superhero. If the boys did somehow count Starlight, I mean, Aaron Moriarty is so fucking hot. I love her. Yeah, Starlight and Stormfront. I love Stormfront. She's too much for me. She's not. I don't like her. She scares me. My number one was mean, Aaron Moriarty is so fucking hot. I love her. Yeah, Starlight and Stormfront. I love Stormfront. She's too much for me. She's not.

I don't like her. She scares me. My number one was mean, Kevin. Yeah, I was going to say, too much for me means perfect for John. Next voicemail. Hey, KFC, Spice, Jack. You still mean she's a Nazi. Jack, where else in the studio?

So I got a scenario for you guys. So about 15 years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, I was 14, my parents got divorced. I was dating this girl at the time. Her older sister was one of my best friends. So I was 14, her sister was 15. She was like, whatever, I think also 14, you know what I mean? You know, fucking early high school relationships. We only dated for like six months, you know, nothing more than 10, whatever.

It's not a big deal. We break up. And my dad starts dating their mom whoa little fucked up not the greatest thing but not the end of the world fast forward a year or two i'm a junior in high school i'm in a very small town you know 5 000 people about 300 kids in the whole high school you know maybe like 100 in my graduating class large stepford and they move in with me so it's my dad's girlfriend and her four daughters one of which is my ex-girlfriend i'm the only child and wait hang on i lost you at first say it again so so he dated this girl his freshman year of high school

right uh they were 13 14 i think he said did nothing more than kiss right then they break up the dad starts dating her mom. And they all move in together? They all move in his junior year of high school. They all moved in. So this is like some step-by-step shit. She has four daughters. One of them he's dated. Okay. Step-sister porn was a big thing.

And then they moved in and shit got real. And it was way less funny. And it's kind of fucked up my perception of relationships for the rest of my life. So my question to you guys is what do you think the most successful thing you can do to fuck up your child's viewpoints of normal things? That's a great question. That's a great question. The most successful thing you can do to fuck up your child?

Yeah, like the best. If you want to fuck your kids up, like their perception of relationships, like the best way, the most, what you can do to fuck up your child? Yeah, like the best. If you want to fuck your kids up, their perception of relationships, the best way, the most, what would you do? Well, I've been watching The Fall, and the serial rapist and murderer would definitely be on top of that, I think. What does that mean? Get a serial murderer or rapist to? No, if you're a dad.

Oh, if you are that. Oh, okay. Yes, that would do it. That would do the trick. Yep. I think when, I mean, any episode you've ever seen of like Jerry Springer back in the day. You know what? The youth, they don't have this.

They have the internet, which is fucked up. But like, we used to turn on Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake and all those. And it would be like, my mom won't stop fucking my boyfriend or whatever. You know? It's like, this is weird. This is fucked up. I think if you bang your kid's boyfriend or girlfriend, that'll do it. Yeah.

That'll do it. I think that one's up there. That'll do it. I think the biggest thing, the best thing you can do to fuck up your kid's relationships? Let them handle themselves. Don't teach them. Trust me, my parents did nothing to ruin my relationships. I have a fucked up

idea of relationships. You know what? My parents completely fucked me up by fucking staying together. Being happy. No. Mine is being happy. My parents is fucking so annoying. You don't like each other?

My parents love each other. That'll fuck you up, too. That'll fuck you up real good. That's number one. That will fuck you up real good. That's hands down number one. My parents are in a fucking happy relationship and love each other. Because you know why?

Because you know why? That is like a needle in a fucking haystack. So all of a sudden, when you go out there and you're like, well, how come I don't have that? And they're like, I don't know. We like each other. Everyone else hates each other. I don't know what to tell they're like, I don't know. Like, we, you know, we like each other. Everyone else hates each other. I don't know what to tell you. Oh, you didn't find the love of your life in high school?

Right. And just marry them and just be together and be happy forever? No, of course not, mom, dad. Fuck, man. You fucking weirdos. Yeah. So now you're like. That's a head of serial rapist and killer.

Right. Because at least then you're like, well, at least he knows it's hard to find a relationship. Yeah. But this one, he's trying a bunch of different people. Right. This one is like, they just have one fucking couple and they'd stay with it forever. And it's like, what? Why?

What is happening? That's bullshit. It is. Fuck you, Polly. Fuck you, John. It's just not. And then you feel inferior. You feel you're doing something wrong.

You feel like, why not me? Why can't I? How come you're the only ones? I don't know. It's kind of – And then you feel inferior. You feel you're doing something wrong. You feel like, why not me? Why can't I? How come you're the only ones? I don't know. It's kind of like the fucking – It's like your parents hit the lottery and then they're like, I don't know, you're poor. Why can't I? Honestly, it's like if your parents had a winning lottery ticket and then you grew up and you were like, I can't win the lottery.

My parents did. How come I can't? It's like, yeah, you have to be able to win the lottery. This doesn't happen. You run around feeling bad that you can't get the lottery. My parents did. How come I can't? Yeah. Yeah. People don't win the lottery. This doesn't happen. Dude. You run around feeling bad that you can't get a winning lottery ticket. And then it's like because I think mostly – I mostly just – particularly now. They fought very rarely when I was younger.

But like now, like whenever I see them, they're just happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they don't have to deal with us anymore. Right. And I'm just like, well, like maybe like that's what like – this is my therapist, betterhelp.com. Where I was like, what if I'm just happy? And like I just have a misguided sense of happiness. maybe like that's what like it's something this is my therapist betterhelp.com slash ksc where i was like what if i'm just happy and like i just have a misguided sense of happiness and like they that like maybe like that's like like because you see that sense of love you're like well that's

what love is and like this is in love and like you're in different like high school relationships and you're like well like we're not as happy as they are so okay well maybe you are you just fucking have a misguided sense of what they are. It's all fucked, Kevin. It's all fucked. Happiness and love are all fucking nonsense. And it's fucking mainstream media and fucking Hollywood that fuck you up with it. They say this is what it is. Oh, is it? Or is it just screaming into a microphone on a podcast?

Maybe this is happiness. Maybe it's just yelling into a microphone about how you can't find happiness, but you're too fucking blind to see it. You are happy, you blind asshole. Fucking deal with it. Brother, I'll tell you what, brother. If this is happiness, I'm on no part, man. If this is happiness, you know what? If this is happiness, it's proof positive. There's no God or divine creator

because he would have come up with something better than this. If this is happiness, fuck out of here. That's one of my favorite memes. This is when God first created man. And this angel yells at him. He goes, what are you doing? You fucked up the monkey.

You gave it anxiety. I've never seen that. That's fucking funny. That is fucking hilarious, man. I've created a man. He ruined monkeys. He gave it anxiety. Oh, fuck. That's funny.

All right. We'll end on that note. Fucked up the monkey. Gave it anxiety. That is fucking such a good line. That's life. You fucked up the monkey and gave it anxiety. All right.

Let's get into our interview today with Joe Manganiello. He's back once again. He's our best friend in Hollywood at this point. We talked to him about doing mushrooms, and we find out the story about how he landed Sofia Vergara. That's back once again. He's our best friend in Hollywood at this point. We talked to him about doing mushrooms and we find out the story about how he landed Sofia Vergara. That's a great story. That's a viral story in the making.

And we talked about his new movies of course. So Joe Manganiello back on KFC Radio brought to you by Upstart. Man, credit card debt or any sort of debt is such a bitch. It can weigh on you. My goddamn fucking parents fucked me with that too. Gave me a credit card Ah, man. Credit card debt, any sort of debt is such a bitch. It can weigh on you. You got loans to pay off. Yeah, my goddamn fucking parents fucked me with that, too.

Yeah. They gave me a credit card in college just for emergencies. Obviously, I didn't use it for emergencies. And then guess what? Once I ran it up, they said, well, it's on your job to pay it now. And I was in debt until I was about 32. Upstart.com. Upstart.com.

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and you don't make money and it's like you can be doing you can be well off and have income and still get caught up in debt because life is just a fucking bitch you know so it's like upstart knows that and they're like all right we'll just help you get out from underneath this even you know you got a good job you got income you know we'll figure this out get approved and you can get funds in the same day let the debt take over your life uh get a fresh start with upstart so find out how you can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash kfc that is upstart.com slash kfc loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided by your loan application go to upstart.com slash kfc joseph here he is what is happening what's up babe how you doing look at that wolf

in the back there that's some shit yeah that was my wolf from true blood i had that oh that's cool that's like that's what like you were right like a shapeshifter into a yeah i took a bunch of pictures of him he was an actual. I brought out on a chain. They would bring them out and let me walk them. But, uh, and then I would transform into him and vice versa. I took a bunch of pictures, sent it to a painter and she painted that. And now you got, you walk around and they'll like your little guy, right? Uh, on my lap. Is it right now?

I mean, I did the last three times we've interviewed you. You've always got him. Yeah. What's going on, man? How are things? I feel like we have our, we have like, I feel like we three times we've interviewed you. You've always got them. Yeah. What's going on, man? How are things? I feel like we have our, we have like, I feel like we talk every couple months now. It's like, what's up, man? What's the latest? I know. Yeah, it's crazy, man.

Well, it's good to have things coming out. That's for sure. Yeah, the day you stop doing this shit is when it's gone south. Yeah, no. So that's been great. I mean, and especially how crazy last year was to have things in the can and then have things that were in you know just stasis or whatever so um but uh yeah man it's good seeing you guys again yeah i think last time we saw you you had

the mohawk yeah i feel like your hair must grow pretty fast, no? I feel like that wasn't that long ago. You were like... Well, so it was white mohawk, then it was blue mohawk, then I shaved it bald for this movie that I shot in December. So you were bald in December and you got that hair? Yeah, like thick razor bald, yeah. Yeah, that's fast. That's fast. You doing supplements?

Is that real? You juicing on the head, Joe? What's going on here, Manganiello? You mean like Propecia juicing it? Yeah. You lathering up some Rogaine there? Come on. Yeah, like walking in on me in a bathroom stall with a big turkey baster full of Propecia.

That's funny, man. But you got two big things right now. Shoplifters of the World, which I feel like has to be the most Joe Manganiello fucking movie ever. I feel like it's so up your alley with this, like,

having a band that you love like that in that era, in that time, it just feels like something that was a real good fit for you uh was that was that like your vibe like were you like into that it was it takes place in 87 right so like was that your vibe in that in that era what were you doing in 87 87 i was still pretty young i was like 10 I turned 11 at the end of 87. So most of the year I was 10 years old. So, you know, I think I had, I think I probably had a Bon Jovi slippery one wet cassette. Was that your first cassette? Yeah, that's a good question.

What was your first album, cassette, single, whatever that you bought? So when I was a kid, I had a little record player. So I had like all the you know i think i had i had van halen 1984 uh and i i had women and children first and then i had uh like the beatles and stuff like that when i was a kid those were on record but the tape was probably slip 41 wet but then shortly after 87 i would have had i would have had appetite for destruction somewhere around like 89 right somewhere in that pocket and then dr feel good and so the stuff that my character in shoplifters is listening to in that era that's that is what i listened to

definitely in that era yeah um but i wound up going into the theater club my senior year and starting to do plays and all the theater kids were into the Smiths. So I started getting mixtapes of – I was going to say I didn't have you pegged to the Smiths guy because that's kind of just like a depressed piece of shit. It's like, I'm a Smiths guy. I'm an actor, bro. I am a depressed piece of shit. like the i forget what comedy special i was watching um and the the comedian was talking i wish i could remember his name because it's really great and he was talking about something

pretty dark where he's talking about uh feeling suicidal and he's talking about driving down the highway and this is when he was younger he's he's probably a teenager early 20s at the time and he's talking about like look if i just twist the wheel a little bit, it's over. And I'll stop, like, having to worry about this and feel like this. And then the punchline of it was, and of course, the Smiths was playing in the car. He's like, because when you're a depressed white kid from, I think he's from Jersey. When you're a depressed white kid from Jersey, you listen to Morrissey. Hold on.

Hold on. I will say that the Latino community loves Morrissey like nobody's business. Really? Nobody's business. Oh, my God. I saw Morrissey play at the Staples Center when he shut down all the meat, all the restaurants, which nobody in any – like Paul McCartney, they wouldn't shut down the meat being sold, meat products being sold in Staables for Paul McCartney.

They did it for more. I don't think I knew that. Shut down the meat. So I was at that show and in the front row, you have full on show low dudes. Yeah. Wow. Arm around show love girlfriends.

That's crazy. What about it? And the guys, the guys are crying. Crying, like crying, throwing flowers. Like I'm telling you, man, it is like, there's, there's something that Morrissey connects to, uh, in that community as well. It's like, somebody needs to do a documentary about it. It's I don't, I don't know what it is. Please explain it. amazing i mean i i like i i love it i think it's incredible that's very fascinating i had no idea i mean i i get it i i listen to more see and i'm like how can everyone not relate to this so i guess it does make sense yeah but it is uh huh

it's it's a it's a surprising one to see you but now you say you're a theater kid it makes more sense yeah but also i actually have a bone to pick with you, but now that you say you're a theater kid, it makes more sense. It makes sense, yeah. But also, I actually have a bone to pick with you theater kids. We talked about this recently. I think theater kids are the biggest bullies there are. You guys are assholes. You guys are assholes. Hey, hold on.

Hold on. I was shocked. I was shocked. I wound up over there. I could lift and act, okay, bro? Yeah. No, I think in today's world, the biggest bullies are the ones on Twitter. That's true.

That's true. Sure. And in the chats. You want to talk about bullies? They have anonymity. The beauty of it back in the 80s was there were checks and balances. So you had to do it in person. You had to see that person you couldn't just go online and beam it out i'm gonna see him and they were gonna whip your ass but we were talking about it recently just because i think we're talking about like i went to a smaller school and we were like there there wasn't really

a bully in school you know there was like it was i think my class typical class was like 80 people everyone kind of knew each other we were all friends with each other, except for the fucking theater kids. The theater kids wouldn't like sit with us. We could hear them just motherfucking us all day. They just hated everyone who wasn't a theater kid. Everyone who couldn't do Hamlet in the original Shakespeare wasn't for them. I mean, I made that face, but I can do Hamlet. I get what you're saying.

I'm not taking anything away from it. No, I know what you mean, man. And I thought it was a very daunting jump to go from football, basketball to the theater kids. You know, they, you know, yeah, there was there were very, you know know like what you're saying clicky they were when you so when you when you switch over to that world are you starting like from scratch or do you get some you have some kind of like social clout because it's like well he plays ball and he's a jock he's cool or is it like we don't care what you did on the football field bro you're back of the line here in theater world uh i'm in freshman level acting as a senior that's what it is yeah right right so it's ninth graders who are fresh out of junior high who are there and and it's me

like big dude with a letterman jacket yeah and the teacher came over to me because she thought i was just taking a blow-off class right like Like, oh, this is a big theater. I don't have any homework. Right. You know, like one of those. So she came over and was testing me. Why are you here? And I said, no, I want to be an actor. She was like, okay. Profiling is what it is.

It's weird for, you know, I think for a kid to be that, you know, say that who she'd never met before. But a couple of weeks later, she begged me to try out for the musical. And I was like, I don't want to sing and dance. What are you, crazy? She's like, no, please just come. Sing happy birthday if you want, whatever. So I went. And mind you, I'm also the captain of the volleyball team, four-year starter, junior Olympian.

You know, I made the Junior Olympic team. And that's the spring sport so which is when the musical would have been and that's my worst sport by the way that's what i just do them for fun so we uh so we uh i don't know i went i tried out and i got the part and you know i chose to go do that like it's not so tough for joe you know fucking pretty pretty solid choice i think yeah i think you made the right choice bro and here we are yeah you know so but i remember there was a my linebacker coach stopped me in the hallway and he was like i think you're an idiot you're making a huge mistake have you talked to him what are you what

are you doing what are are you going to do? Like, the colleges, you're just going to – I mean, this is stupid. Like, I mean, he was mad. He was, like, hot about it. Yeah. And then he saw the musical, and he stopped me, and he said, hey, I'm sorry. I was wrong.

You were really good. Wow. At least he owned up to it. I don't think you get a lot of linebacker coaches admitting they were wrong, so he must have been really great. No. Wow. At least he owned up to it. I don't think you get a lot of linebacker coaches admitting they were wrong, so he must have been really great. No, he should have just punched me in the gut, dropped me,

and then gone back in his class and shut the door. I was hoping he never did that and send him a Christmas card one day, like, you, your wife, your mansion. I think I made the right choice, pal pal linebacker coach in high school you dick uh this movie is uh so the premise is this wild scene where you're the radio dj you get taken hostage by this young romantic crazy smiths fan and he makes you play

the smiths all night long and there's this element of like the girl that he likes right you're telling him to like dedicate a song to her. What's the craziest thing you ever did for a girl to impress a girl, to show a girl your love, whatever it may be. Oh man. Craziest thing. Um, I mean, look, you know, my wife had just gotten out of a relationship and, uh, she was shooting a movie in New Orleans. I was in the middle of a press tour and I pushed a bunch of stuff off of like 40 hours of this

press tour and flew to New Orleans to take her out. You know, and she was like, no, let's wait till we get back to L.A. And I'm like, listen, as soon as the guys find out that you're single. You've got to get in right now. There's going to be a line out the door. I go, I'm popping the line. Like, no way. That's a girl. I know how this all works.

You get her the contract extension. You don't let her hit free agency. You don't let her get on the free market, man. As soon as fourth year ends ends the summer heading into fifth year extension rookie contract like we're we're already talking that was we're having a go no franchise tag no no long-term deals only that's like what the nfl's in right now it's a legal tampering period like yes was that was that did you so she was in a relationship and you did you had you had um like contact with her

prior to that like you had a relationship existing with her and you were like now's my chance or was this just like we bumped we bumped into each other a couple of times um over the years you know like i remember i think we were both presenting at the mtv video music awards the one where Lady Gaga was in the beat. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right? So it was that one. And we were both backstage and, you know,

kind of whatever, you know, passed each other. But I mean, you know, we'd be in the same kind of place, same time, stuff like that, same circles.

But other than that, a friend of mine at the time was the editor-in-chief of People Magazine. And he, he, he was,

he knew she was single before anybody did because he was going to break the news. So you pay him off to keep it out of the magazine. So, so right. So he sent me an email with that in the, within the headline, you know, Sophia's just cause he knows like you,

you have a crush on you. Like you're in. Yeah. Yeah. I was, you know, I was into her. That's a friend.

Whatever. I was better. Like, wow, look at that. Or something when I was hanging out with him. So he remembered it. And sent me that email and said, go get him, Tiger. Wow. I wanted you to have this before it went public so you could have a head start.

That's insider trading, bro. That's not bullshit. You know what? There's some other guy, some other actor, some other hot dude who wanted to do the same and didn't have access to the same information. It's an uneven playing field, sir. I have to thank my friend, Jess Cagle. Seriously, wow.

That reminds me of watching journalistic movies and stuff like that. They're like, look, we'll give you 24 hours, but this is going to press. Easy addition. It's headline news. You got nothing else. You can hold the story for 12 hours, and that's it. I can't hold it anymore. Do you understand?

This is my asshole. I'm alive. I'm asking you for 24 hours, and we will bring the killer in. It'll be 24 hours to get cuffs on this guy. It's all a mess. That's great. 40 hours. It'll look like that.

That's like a movie right there. 40 hours in New Orleans. Just got to fucking, you got a time clock ticking. You know how many, I mean, I'm sure. Just give me 24 hours, and I will put a ring on that picture. You understand me? Just give me 24. How long did it take you to propose?

It was about, I proposed on Christmas Eve. So it was about six months or something. Oh, wow. Smart man. That's about, in my mind, that's about four and a half months too long. But, you know, I would have showed up in New Orleans without my back pocket. So also the other big project and that the world has been waiting for. This one's the little indie project you talked about.

Yeah, the tiny little passion project. Yes, the tiny little labor of love. I saw this at a film festival, small screen. But the Snyder Cut. Hamlet 2020. The Snyder Cut is finally seeing the light of day. I mean, it is this four and a half hour epic that, like I said, the world has been waiting for. And you're in that.

So it's such a unique thing where, you know, obviously the first version is out. But in some way, this is an entirely different movie. And I believe you're more prominent in this and the character that, you know, you've you're developing in the D.C. world. So what's it feel like to be like this? It's finally here. Like it's finally coming after so much chatter in the words of gorilla monsoon unprecedented yeah uh i i think it's it's just yeah like you said it's just there's nothing to compare it to when history has a director you know then forced to leave his own project someone else steps in, gets a large sum of money to fix said project, quote unquote, or change said project. And then the original director comes back and gets a budget to then finish it the way that he would have.

It's unheard of. So, you know, and I think it's fascinating for that alone. But aside from that, it's pretty cool to see, you know, somebody be able to percolate, you know, on their own creation and then come back with with. I think there's a lot of like there's a lot of things that I think he wished, you know, or really wanted to adding dark side to sod. I'm not giving anything away here, but those are things I think that he was allowed to do this time around yeah um because of the time off so um it's a better movie where's where's the pressure at right now because like i think whenever something goes viral whenever something trends such as hashtag release the snyder cut the pressure goes like it's gotta deliver are you like fuck we better deliver here or are you like we know we did well but the thing about it

that's fun for me was I was a spectator to it all you know I wasn't really in justicely you know I was in the end credits sequence directed by Zach obviously to tease the Batman movie that I was set to do so to me

it was like I was the, I was the guy, I'm the guy who came with the building. You know what I mean? Like, you know, who's wandering around looking for a stapler who, you know, was downstairs and he comes up and everybody's gone and phones, you know, phones on the floor. That's it. You know? So to me, you know, for Zach to invite me back, that was so cool. And he didn't have to do that. But I'm really stoked that he did.

And it was fun to put the armor back on again and get in there and see Zach. And then, of course, I had a lot of time to think about the character, of course, over those years. So, you know, there were some little modifications uh in in that i could sneak in is there uh is there any worry i don't know what the right word is but i'll just say that the the snyder cut fans are fucking crazy brother i mean these guys it's like it's like they're you know this movie coming out is like it's like their their bible is coming out you know i mean like they're they are the amount of you say anything bad about it online they are down your throat everybody's got names on twitter their handles are all about snyder cut snyder this i mean they they this is

the end all be all to them uh do you guys does anybody do you even worry about like the hardcore fans in these genres especially like comic books where you know that this is like, you know, ethos for some of these people where it matters that much. Yeah. You know, once again, it's, that's the thing about justice league is that, you know, I, like I said, I was, I was, it's kind of not, it's not my movie, you know? So, you know, but but but with that said, it's super fun to be a part of a fan base that is that ferocious about their own property. People people used to love True Blood that way.

I was going to say, who was it? Green, scream, grab at you. I mean, it was like you were, you know, the Beatles. You're a piece of meat, man. You were, you know, they were. That fan base compared to, who's like your most passionate fan base that you've been involved with? I mean, okay, Steeler Nation. Yep, yep.

Steeler Nation and Penguins fans are awesome um but uh but yeah true blood was wild wild like i'm so glad i got to be a part of that it was we weren't actors we were rock stars yeah that was cool yeah it was it was a whole different vibe um and that was what? That was like, that was what, 15 years ago? True Blood ended, no, it ended like six years ago, I think. Maybe seven, six or seven years ago. I thought it was college. I thought, I'm misremembering it then. But I was like, it wasn't a better way to be younger with that.

Like, I feel like now, you're probably like, dude, stop fucking grabbing me. Like, leave me alone. I want to just chill for a minute. Well, speaking of like grabbing, I mean, it kind of, it escalated when the magic mics were out and true blood was that forget about it was like a whole level of like you know by the way could you imagine like the classic could you imagine if this was reversed imagine if there was a a movie with a bunch of like beautiful girls in a pack and everyone's just grabbing them everywhere they go. Well, that was the thing about male entertainment versus female entertainment,

where it really was such an interesting delve into how men and women are different, especially in today's culture. Everyone wants to say that men and women are the same, and they were different different and it plays out that way you know there's no bouncer at a male club because the guys are their own bounce right you know these big dude you know so you're just moving the hands away as needed you know what i mean it's up to you that's all yeah it's your responsibility if you want to call a off wax off yeah don't whoa is that the full fist okay now hold on

unbelievable man um what were you what's that uh you were talking about mushrooms oh yeah this doesn't fit here i was gonna say it earlier you ever taken mushrooms we were talking about this before the episode. Did I disappear? I think I just disappeared for a second. Oh, well, you're back. We're back. We're good.

We're back. Oh, no, he did disappear. Good. All right, I'm back. Wait, now you're back. I didn't get that whole stretch. Okay. My pad just went wonky.

That's good, because we didn't have a segue for it anyway, so it's actually perfect now. We were talking about before the the show we were talking about mushrooms Have you ever taken mushrooms? No I have not taken mushrooms I've taken some you know Whatever I did acid once

But no mushrooms Where did you do acid? At a rave They were like illegal parties Wow What are you explaining to me what a rave is? Am I like an asshole, Joe? No, no, no.

We talked to the losers here. It wasn't like glow sticks and police and juice bars and stuff. It was like they would plug in generators in abandoned buildings and have parties that were illegal. Yeah, when raving was raving, you know? There was no like it wasn't a fucking barstool blackout tour yeah no that's the real deal yeah you're in a garage yeah that type of music that type of drugs that went on were you big in that scene uh mid 90s uh

yeah i was in the drum and bass when drum and bass started hitting pittsburgh those records started coming over like old school techno, DJ Dan, San Francisco House. I feel like I thought you were like metal music. Yo, you're fucking awesome, dude. You are. Do not put Joe Manganiello in a box. He'll fucking do everything. I would have thought like rock and metal was your scene

and that those worlds would not really blend. Aha. Well, I got you. But I also grew up in the suburbs in the 80s and 90s where it was like, you know, Public Enemy and N.W.A. And, you know, Cypress Hill. And, you know, so I could see you, you know, about today. In most iced tea albums back to front you know do you fuck with like new music today it's hard you know i find myself i mean well i love so sergio simpson sound and fury like yeah all day all day like i i just like i have to find reasons to listen to something else yeah yeah that else that's the type of music that's kind of it feels generational whereas a lot of the other

shit coming out now feels like it's made for today for the kids for the youth and it doesn't feel like it fits that Sturgill album in particular I said that Sturgill album in particular I think I was listening to that probably what two years old now I was listening to that and my dad was like wait what the hell is this and

it's still all he listens to like he went skiing this weekend he's now? I was listening to that, and my dad was like, wait, what the hell is this? And it's still all he listens to. Like, he went skiing this weekend. He's like, yeah, I was listening to Sturgill, the whole mountain. That's all he listens to now. It is like a generational cross work. Right, right. Yeah, especially that album in particular. I mean, it's not like anything else.

It's just its own thing, and he just nailed it. Like, I don't know how you change your whole vibe that much and come out and stick a landing like that bro he released an anime movie with it have you have you watched it on netflix it's wild it's wild it's just like yeah we're gonna fully what's the best song on it you think oh god i mean could – I'm trying to – I mean – I don't know if I could pick. I don't care. I got –

I don't mind. I just throw it on repeat. I really feel like usually the best albums are the ones – forget about if I can pick a favorite song. Sometimes I'm like, I don't even fucking know the title of that one, man. Because I put it on track one and just let it roll, which is something that nobody does. Like making an album is not even a thing anymore. It's like, go make a two and a half minute song, drop one single, and like, that's it.

You know? Make sure it's good for TikTok. Right, right, man. Yeah, yeah. That's one thing I got big into in quarantine. Because I've never been, I've been like the, my dad asked me a question probably about a year ago that bothered me that i didn't have an answer to it he said what he just called me out of the blue and asked me this it's very odd uh called me out of the blue and he was like what's the song what's the album with the

most underrated three song run you can think of and i was like dad i have no fucking idea like i i listen to spotify i hit play and i put in my pocket and like i don't even know the names of songs anymore and stuff like that and then in quarantine i got um a record player and i got like big into records just because it's cool to have like like you kind of follow along on the album it's cool to have the piece of art with it and that's what i've been big on basically for like i mean over a year now where i'm actually spending way too much money on records to listen to one time. But it's also cool.

My dad will send me his favorites and I'll send him like cool ones. It's a fun little thing we got going. That's a good father son thing. You know, record record I just bought. I just got in was the vinyl of the Mandy motion picture soundtrack by Johan Johansson from Mandy. If you that's that Nick Cage movie, right? Yeah. It's okay. It's like a crazy movie, right? It's like super. Yeah. Yeah. Super crazy. I love that movie. And, uh, and the, the,

the Mandy motion picture soundtrack is, is unreal. Like you seriously, you get off of this call and go download it. It's amazing. Don't put them in a box, man. Don't put them in a box. What were you asking about mushrooms for? I said we didn't have a segue. We were just kind of talking about it before the show. We were talking about mushrooms.

Some people have been dabbling around. We were just like, let's see if Joe does mushrooms or has taken mushrooms. It's big in the micro-dosing now. Everyone just eats a little bit of mushrooms. Mushrooms are kind of becoming a trendy you know, if you do it in a safe way, it can be an experience

and all this shit. So I feel like a lot of people are starting to dabble in it a bit. Okay. Alright. Sure. Just something to look into, Joe. How about this? We'll listen to Mandy. You go eat your Nathan mushrooms, okay? What do you say?

Man, we are the – How about this? What happens when an immovable object meets – Yeah. Next interview, we'll all do it on mushrooms, okay? All right, man. If it's in quarantine, what do you do?

There's a delivery service that goes to my house. Yeah, they're called drug dealers. You're the worst Hollywood actor ever, dude. So these drugs, how does one attain them? All right. So we got Shoplifters of the world unite.

And that's out when, when is that? March 26th, March 26th. And the Snyder cut will be out on Thursday. So big things going on as always. Thank you so much for the time, man.

Great talking to you guys. Thanks Joe. Have a good one. Hey, and Fiore's pizza is no lower than a 9.1. Okay. All right. All right.

All right. You heard it from Joe. Have a good one, bro. All right. We are 52,000 subscribers on YouTube right now. We are, we want a million booty preferential, but at 60,000, we're going to reward you. We have the Rap Family Vacation,

a lost footage from me, Marty Mush, and Casey Smith's trip to gainesville i believe and then orlando i've never seen this because i wasn't there for this so i want to fucking see this so subscribe it's lost footage that is like it was going to be like a three minute video i think we now have five you know what this is it's going to be a half hour you know what this is this is the hamilton cut yeah this is like a nine it should have been a normal movie it's gonna be like a nine hour film Of these idiots Running around DC Or running around Orlando

We got shit faced in Epcot I took like A hundred milligrams Of Adderall I was really zooming They forgot how much Adderall they gave me I was on

A lot of Adderall I was Subscribe I had a million beers We got playing Got cancelled Got off Got drunk

There's a lot of stuff Me and Marty Argued about fire escapes That's probably a whole episode Right there It's fucking awesome Subscribe to the KC Radio YouTube right now

I really think I took 120 milligrams Out of that I've got some missions That nobody can see And all of these emotions Are pouring out of me I bring them to the light

It's only right This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

Uh huh Yeah Uh huh Yeah Uh huh Getting the love Yeah Yeah