KFC Radio - Joel McHale || Put 5 More Minutes on the Clock

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -KFC ordered tik tok leggings and Feits is worried of how he's gonna react to them -Jason Sudeikis was a fan favorite at the Golden Globes after accepting his award rocking a sweatshirt while supposedly stoned -KFC awoke in the middle of the night on Saturday to a disturbing video of a man and a rat -Top 5 Streaming Services -We really glance over the fact we used to burn "witches" -Voicemails (02:00:00) Joel McHale returns to the show! We discuss last night's Golden Globes and the attire celebs chose to wear, how Joel was able to have such a busy year last year, and his new movie coming out Happily. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @JoelMcHale Subscribe to our youtube: youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to our clips channel on youtube: youtube.com/c/kfcradioclipsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We were just talking about how fucking non-existent our dicks are in Speedos, and I still don't think I could fit in a rat's ass. Zach, Zach, take a guess what I ordered today to maybe record a skit or record a tiktok or you know some sort of video content i have quite literally no idea where this could be you say that but you do have an idea what's something in your world in your your expertise oh boy that you know people are purchasing right now and talking about right now a A physical product from the TikTok world

that could be purchased. I have no idea, Kevin. I'm not even joking. There's a hundred of those. I get those all the time. I bought the TikTok leggings. Why? Trying to make that ass pop.

Trying to just fucking get double-cheeked up. Because guess what as i was walking you'd already told me about this today and um as i was walking to work there were three saw a pair three gentlemen i don't know if they're tiktok ones or whatever they're gentlemen yeah oh i don't think they're these there were three gentlemen hanging out and one guy i mean there's definitely one i didn't know it was a man because he had a hat on and uh or maybe a hood up or whatever i couldn't see it was from his back and had a hat on or maybe a hood up or whatever. I couldn't see. It was from his back. And I was like, God damn, that's a nice ass.

And it was a guy. And I was like, Kevin, I don't think that's not what your ass is going to look like. Zach, you'd be surprised. We'll find out. I think we have to put the kibosh on this right now. We already got to stop with this.

Not your skip, but just like we can't allow men to be wearing leggings because there's canceled i mean like disagree too many times i'm like god damn that's a nice is this frequently happening no it's only happened once but that's one time too many if it starts being a trend that everyone's wearing leggings, it's going to be happening a lot more times. John, that's how it starts, John. That's it. This is what I'm telling you, John.

Next thing you know. Yeah, next thing you know. That's what Zach said when he was like 15. Next thing you know, it's 3 a.m. You're hanging around, man. I don't know. Leggings are leggings. A hole's a hole, man.

Whatever. It only happened one time, but there's only one time for you to have that. Leggings are leggings. A hole's a hole, man. Whatever. If it becomes a... It only happened one time, but there's only one time for you to have that. Scoot's got ass. We can hide in it. We can hide in it. This is the road we're going to be going down, man. I don't know.

I mean, you're the one that wants to win. So we got John in a dress. We need something to get John a dress. We get you in the leggings. Yes. Yep. Yeah. Now we'll just get you on.

So you guys won't do dances, but you'll do thirst traps. Like a thirst trap like yeah to be honest i'd rather just stand there with in leggings than do a dance yes those those if you have a nice ass in leggings i'm gonna be furious i mean i can assure you listen they've been talking about these tiktok they call them the tiktok leggings which i'm sure if you're a girl who's been wearing yoga pants and leggings all these years, you're probably just like so annoyed because they're just fucking leggings. But I think these ones do have some lift or some shit that's supposed to help you out. That picture definitely had some lift to it. I mean, every time Fat Kid Steals tweets out the picture, I'm like, could you cut it out? You got me horny on the timeline again from a fucking mannequin.

I realized this many years ago. I realized I was attracted to mannequins. Okay. Yeah. What? Att was attracted to mannequins okay yeah what i thought you were attracted to man it's like okay no when i was at fordham uh is when i realized that there's there's a difference in in the mannequin world there are like the white people like white girl victoria of secret mannequins okay and then there are like the mannequins you'll catch on fordham road in the bronx and those mannequins have ass secret mannequins. And then there are like the mannequins you'll catch on Fordham Road in the Bronx. And those mannequins have ass. Those mannequins have fat asses. Where I'm like, I want that girl. I want to marry

that mannequin. And then these TikTok leggings, all the ads look like those asses. It's also specifically that color. Well, I think I did get that specific teal. I do believe we have that coming, yes. I mean, that ass is bananas. Bananas!

I mean, that's truly like the Kim Kardashian. You could put a fucking cup on it. It's like this mannequin over here with a fucking big old dick on him. He's got a fucking hog on him. Look at that thing. Looks like a potato in there. I remember specifically,

I want to say maybe Bloodsport, one of the Jean-Claude van damme movies blood sport or kickboxer there's a scene with him in like some tidy white or he's like a jockstrap and just got literally i think they put a potato in there and i remember being like a little like a boy being like yikes like i don't look anything like that i've got a pussy compared to this guy. I'm in trouble. It was like your tweet the other day. We're all in the fucking... Did you feel that way? I remember feeling hyper-emasculated. I know. I didn't. I never thought about it until that picture and I was like, oh.

When we did the toboggan challenge, we bought like $300 ski racing. They were spiders. Yeah, they were like really nice. What do they call it? Ski suits? Not skis. Whatever.

Tight spandex suits. And I remember being concerned, being like, shit, everything's going to be out and exposed. And then we put them on there and not a dick to be seen. Not a dick or a ball amongst and not a dick to be seen not a dick or a ball amongst the four of us to be seen I feel like they're they're legitimate moms with like camel toe bigger than fatter lips

I have a dick Kardashian's got a bigger bulge with her fat pussy than I have with my dick dude dude I was watching fucking bad what was it though who's that ran away from the mic I'm out dude I was watching fucking... That's bad. What was it? Zach ran away from the mic. I'm out. Dude, I was watching...

Yikes. You know Danica Morey, the porn star? Oh. Yeah, right? Best. She's awesome. Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say.

Do you know Danica Morey's husband, the porn star? Okay, that's my problem. Okay, so he was in a fucking Speedo. And I was like, dude, you don't see a problem with this. In public? I don't know. He's at the beach dude, you don't see a problem with this. In public? I don't know. He's at the beach. He just had his dick wrapped around his waist. I was like, just don't wear Speedos,

dude. Your dick does not fit in a Speedo. It just doesn't fit. That guy's dick is, I mean, this body armor bottle, if you're watching the video, is half the width of his is enormous that guy fucked his wife so yeah she cried she cried john you know how hard it is to

make me uncomfortable during porn i was like i don't think i can watch this it was a husband and wife though but i was like all right so this is like all good but goddamn take it easy with that thing it's a weapon but he is he he's a problem when he's performing when he's doing porn take that thing out in the real world it's almost like when you talk about a uh like a basketball player where you're like yeah it's great to be seven foot tall on the basketball court and then in the real world you can't get in a plane you can't fit in a bed clothes don't fit you same thing with that guy it's like yeah this thing is awesome to fuck your wife and make millions of dollars on porn. And when you want to just go to the beach in a bathing suit, you can't.

If I saw that guy at the beach, I'd call the police. I would absolutely just call. I'd be like, I don't know what law he's breaking, but there's definitely one. We've got to find something, officer. He littered. Get him out of here. Get him off the beach. There's something illegal about what's happening to that man's body. You deal with it,

but there's a situation you need to come handle. That thing is a problem. That's, yeah, so this all came up because Nick and KB wore them over the weekend, too. And, again, not a dick to be seen. And it's like, Jesus, how much do you really have to be packing in this world? You know?

I don't need to be known as the guy with the huge dick. I just want to be, I want to be able to see it in a speedo. I want to be able to see it in a fucking spandex. But, yeah, I'm hoping that in the leggings they're popping. That's why having good dick day boxers are so clutch. When you have boxers

that make your dick look good, it's like this is the only time it does look good. The only person who's going to see it is me. That's all that matters. That is true. It's not about really

having a big dick. It's about walking around with the confidence of thinking you have a big dick. Any confidence would be great. Just a shred of it in any department at department at all whatsoever i got none man my body i i reached a point i actually scared myself this weekend uh where i i mentioned it in the interview with

joel mckale that we got coming up next whenever we talk to joel we seem to just start like opining about life and and growing old and weird philosophy and shit but i have been waking up in horrible shape i don't i'm shocked that this has just happened it's not i know what you're talking about i've woken up like stiff neck or like oh it'll feel great i'm waking up like borderline incapacitated like this thing happens to me now i wake up i can't close my hands yeah that's a new one very new for me i've never heard that one um it's almost like they're uh it's almost like what's that called arthritis rigor mortis yes like rigor mortis and arthritis you just lay down for so long your body's like oh i guess we're dead yeah i think i think i trip because it happens when i have a good night's sleep i think

my body body's like finally we've been waiting here it is he hasn't moved in eight hours it must it must be the day yeah he's fucking dead and and all right we'll start shutting it down close it up at the fucking power plant it's when you work the late shift don't worry i'll close up yeah go home i'll take care of it you flip the fucking sign on the door an hour early and you start shutting it down i i wake up and my knees actually was this on the live show i talked to kelly keegs about this kelly keegs that giant bird she has some of these issues too we're like if she lays flat with her legs she gets like the she gets like the hyperextended the wrong way. That's happening to me where my knees are bent in so much that I wake up and I bend them back the right way.

And I'm like, oh, my God. I can't. I'm bending my knees. I can't bend my fingers. My back hurts. And I'm like, what? So now I'm starting to get scared that I'm reaching the point of no return. So I have to get in shape.

And I actually – not get in shape, but I have to put a dent into this thing here. And I actually have hope. I have hope for myself because that's always how I've been. I waited to the last day to study the test. I waited to the last minute to get the chores done. I've waited, waited, waited. And I've just done that on a grand scale of life. I'm waiting until the last minute where it's like, I'll turn it on.

I always got the good grade. I always got the job done. I will get the body where it needs to be so that I don't die. I'm not saying I'm going to turn around and be hot, but I won't die. I'm not going to die early. Here's my promise. Unless I get a disease that I can't stop, I will not die to die early. Here's my promise. Unless I get a disease that I can't stop, I will not die tragically early.

That's my solemn promise to you. I'm not making that one. Tragically early? You think you might die tragically early? If I went to a doctor tomorrow, they'd be like, six weeks. We've talked about this before. What does it take to be tragically early?

What does tragic come in? Do we ever have an answer on that? I think it's like under 40. Under 40? I think if you die in your 40s, you're tragic. If Dave died right now, you don't think it's tragic? I mean, but that's that. Like, if a regular 40-year-old dude died, nah, give a shit.

Like, just, I don't know. That's just horrible, man. That's just horrible. Why? why i mean it's just so mean like it's not mean it's a regular ass dude who doesn't fucking matter at all in this world yeah i don't care if he dies i'm not i'm not saying anyone specific i'm just saying there are plenty of 40 year old men who contribute nothing to the world if they just died i wouldn't care baby i i think the problem is i get it's it's when i get good night's sleep that it happens to me so i think i get i um it's too infrequently

that i'm getting a good night's sleep i i think sorry to keep going on i gotta defend this four year old thing a little bit i think i think tragically early i don't think you're tragically early if there's no more potential like if at 40 like you pretty much know what you're gonna be yeah i hear you like it's like you know tragic often implies like oh he could have been like he was gonna be a mvp she was gonna be the like she's gonna win a grammy and it's just like if they wouldn't say at your funeral, he wanted to be blank when he grew up. Like,

like you're grown up. You are what you're going to be. It's, it's, you didn't have these fucking aspirations of being a pilot anymore. Like that's, that ship sailed. You don't have 2020.

You're not an astronaut, bro. Now, you know, and we're just going to look past the fact that like his children are probably crying in the corner. I feel bad for them. I don't give a shit about happening. Now, you know, and we're just going to look past the fact that, like, his children are probably crying in the corner. Well, I'm still happy. I feel bad for them.

I don't give a shit about him. Like, it's just, like, yeah. I mean, I don't know, man. You worked at Jiffy Lube. Congratulations. Man. There's some poor bastard. And there's nothing against Jiffy Lube.

Well, actually, I do have things against Jiffy Lube because they fucking oversell me every time I go there. There's a guy who's working at Jiffy Lube listening right now being like... Well, I mean, you make a great living. No, you don't. No, you don't. I assume... Working at Jiffy Lube, you don't make a great living. I assume everyone who knows things I don't makes money.

Like, I don't have to change oil. I go in there every time for like 300 bucks. I've also been like once. I don't know why I keep saying every time. I think I've gotten one oil change in my life. I think it costs like 30 bucks to get your oil changed. Yeah, but then there's always something with the – like always again.

It happened once. One time. With the – I don't think it's the cooling system, but definitely some vents. The fan. Yeah, the fans and vents. I walk in there, they're like, ah, the air fryer. You know, the air fryer's busted. You got to get a new one. I'm like, okay, sure. Sounds about right. Yeah, the fans and vents. The belts. I walk in there, they're like, ah, the air fryer. You know, the air fryer's busted.

You got to get a new one. I'm like, okay, sure. Sounds about right. Yeah, no doubt. But I was saying with the good night's sleep. I hate this mustache. I think it's so itchy. Well, you had a full block of cream cheese in it before.

Really? Yeah. It was like, I don't think you actually ate any of the cream cheese because I think your mustache brushed it off before it got to your mouth. It was an impressive amount of cream cheese on your mustache. I'm struggling. You are, man. You are.

Your nose. I think you're going to get me sick. Dude, I woke up this morning, and you talk about waking up in pain and stuff like that. I woke up this morning at probably 8.30, 9, something like that. I laid in bed in the full fetal position for 47 minutes. 47 minutes? I know.

Hungover or no? No. I got up at 9. I was hungover know. I know. No, I got up at night. I was over yesterday. Took care of that, though. And then I just laid full feet fetal position. Did you cry? No crying. Come on. Like that's outside the realm.

It's a rarity when we don't cry. But when you get a good night's sleep on a real bed, you don't have to curl up in the fetal position for 47 minutes just to get out of bed. When you wake up and you're like, you should be feeling refreshed, but your hands you don't have to curl up in the fetal position for 47 minutes just to get out of bed when you wake up and you're like you should be feeling refreshed but your hands have rigor mortis and your knees are broken because they're inverted my rest assured your bed is not a quality bed she came into the room and she goes oh my god is everything fine i was just like yeah it's just

monday it's just morning time it's just time to do this again man uh but when you do it when you do get it's crazy the difference when you get a good night's sleep where it's like you are ready to go. A very novel feeling. That to me is so infrequent. But if you have a real bed, a nice bed, it's probably all the time. It's crazy that we don't invest more in beds. Beds should be like your main fucking purchase. I mean it's like – we talk about with the haircuts.

It's like it's the hair always on your head every single day. And people are like bragging, like, I get mine for $11.99. Yeah, okay. Yours looks like it's a $12 haircut. I would have guessed. Yeah, I could have told you that. I'm not like, whoa, really? Like, no, I figured that.

Anybody would ever be like, yeah, man, I got my mattress for like $60. Like, well, you're just torturing yourself because the thing that you spend the majority of your life in is garbage. Get yourself a real mattress. Get yourself a Helix Sleep, and that's going to change your entire life. And I mean that quite literally. What you do with Helix is you take a quiz that's two minutes long, and then it'll match your body type and your sleep preferences to the mattress that's made for you. So it can tell based on your body type. Like, I to the mattress that's made for you so uh it can tell based on your body type like i don't know you got inverted knees well here's a mattress for you

that's not going to let your legs bend backwards and you sleep on your stomach or this way or that way so you need this mattress and match it with these pillows and they know that everyone is unique so they have different mattresses to choose choose from It's not just some sort of one size fits all. They even got the Helix plus size mattresses for the bigger people. Really? Yeah. I mean, think about that. It's like, you know, you got like people.

You think you're in the plus size mattress range? I'm definitely in the dangerous BMI area. I don't know if i'm technically plus size but i'm not regular size certainly not minus size i know that yeah you're probably in the plus size right because you're dense too yeah you put in like a hole in your mattress i was i remember in college i was morbidly obese according to the bmi i mean you were probably a lot better in college no oh yeah yeah so but i was also like it was one of those like, you know, I don't know. I didn't. It was just like one of those like charts where you're like age, weight.

And so like I was in shape. So it didn't. It was like. Now it's all different based on. I think it was height and weight. Yeah. Do you sleep on? How do you sleep on your side, your back, your stomach?

Or do you just roll around all over? Roll around all over the place. Make a fucking meal of it. And are you soft, firm, or like somewhere in the middle? I am right now talking about my penis.

Oh. Well, I go to bed soft and I wake up firm. I don't know if that fucking dude's ass is still in my mind. Let's get out of this hand read so I can comment more on that without getting in trouble. Go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. H-E-I-L-X. By the way, I tend to sleep more firm than soft. I bet you do.

Helixsleep.com slash KFC. $200 off all mattress orders. Ooh. And two free pillows. Hell yeah. That's like, and if you get good pillows, that's expensive. So two free pillows and $200 off your mattress when you go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. If you need a bed and some pillows, and they got a 10-year warranty,

so you can try it out for 100 nights risk-free if you don't like it, and then a 10-year warranty if something goes wrong in the next decade imagine calling up someone like nine years and 10 months being like there's a problem with my mattress yeah that's god you're a real asshole if you do that uh so give it a try helixsleep.com slash kfc the pillows thing you're right it is i recently bought pillows i got them like target and time square like i don't get like fucking nice ass pillows And I remember like Walking up to the register Two pillows

And the woman I forget what the price was $400 But I was like No no no It's only two Oh it's just these two pillows She's like

Yeah I know bro I know what it is I actually That's one of those things I like I was gonna say It's one of those things

That I like the cheaper version of Like sometimes I think The fancy version is the lesser version. I don't necessarily think I like cheap pillows because there are just paper ones that suck. But when they are just fluffy feather pillows. I just suffocate at night? Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. I like ones, and I also don't like the memory foam.

I want just almost like a couch cushion pillow that's got some sturdiness to it. Probably a lot of pillows that other people would lay their head on and be like, ooh, this is not... I'm like, yeah, give me that. Give me that. That's that good good. But those fluffy ones that are legit just feathers, like back in the day, they used to just kill a fucking bird and put the feathers in

a fucking pouch. First pillow was actually a goose stomach and they just stuffed it with the feathers. Look me in the eye. And it's a real one. Made it up. Fuck! I couldn't believe that one.

I like this game. Keep it up. Okay, I got another one for you. This is like Snapple facts. Well, you did it. You brought it up today. I almost said it when we weren't on air because, I don't know, sometimes I just say things not into microphones.

And you said, what was it? Oh, when Sudeikis corrected himself about it's nuts, it's nuts. Do you know where that one comes from? Like the phrase when people say that's nuts? Yeah. No, tell me. I forget what year it was, but it was old. I thought you were going to say, I forget what it is.

Old time. I think it was in Britain. Nutmeg was a big thing. And people in nutmeg factories used to go crazy. Made it up. I don't know. I actually forget if I made that one up. That one's real?

I was going to say, that's like too crazy to be fake. It was my mom. I was thinking like a sociology of food. She takes... I knew this. Yeah, she said this. She came out about cannibals or something like that. Yes.

But she was just talking about nutmeg. Polly was on that Army Hammer shit way before Army Hammer. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I wonder if that's where nutmeg... I think I just... I think she said nut people in nutmeg factories used to go crazy. And I was like, oh, I wonder if that's where the term nuts went from. I know you know this.

What's the nutmeg state? Come on. The KFC Radio Classic. Remember? Connecticut? Yeah. Yeah. That guy used to call in and be like, it's, you know, like, Connor from the nutmeg state

as if it was, like, well-known. Like, everybody knows him. The first person ever to say the nutmeg state. Yeah. With sincerity. Sudeikis, though, I think Sudeikis is pulling off the impossible. Stop doing that. People are going to complain. I think Sudeikis.

That was very like father to child. Stop doing that. Yo, let me tell you something. Just a quick little aside, fathers aside, before I get back to the Sudeikis thing. My son is going to be a fucking problem. And I'm going to have to just throw him in the Hudson soon.

We were at the grocery store, and then I'm getting him back in the fucking car seats. The day that my kids can get out of the car seat i'm worth throwing a fucking party i'm thinking about just putting them in the car and being like let the chips fall the car seats especially i'll drive the speed limit we'll be fine i mean really what are the chances i get in the car um the so like as i'm getting shay in you know you gotta keep gotta keep your eye on him and And this kid starts running. And I thought he was going to go right out into the street.

I don't know what he was doing because he did stop in time. But I was like, dig it! And I'm like, stay on the sidewalk. And he looks at me dead in the eyes and he goes, sidewalks are boring. It's like, okay. All right. Then see what happens in the street, little man. Go have some excitement in traffic.

He's got that, I think, Danny Amendola mentality. Amendola was like, I don't know, like punt returning once or something like that. He's like, yeah, I love punt returning. It's like, you know, I haven't had that much fun, like something along these lines. We're like, since I used to play in traffic or whatever. Right. What? Okay, psychopath.

Psychopath. whatever right what okay psychopath and then um i had i had a moment i had a moment of true temporary insanity this weekend i just let my kids play with a bag of flour why why did they want to because they're weird she's weird she was like she asked me like she's like dad what does flour feel like and i was was like, it feels like really, really soft powder. And she was like, I've never felt that before. And I was like, okay, we're going to fucking feel it. You're going to like, we're going to experience this. So I got her a bag of flour.

Do you know how messy kids play with a bag of flour? I could guess. Yeah, you could guess, right? Like, so could I, but I just still did it anyway. And he was doing the LeBron. He was just going, watching him. And he was like, look at this, look at this. And I was like, stop thatron he was just going watching him and he was like look at this look at this and I was like stop that and he just went did it again and I was like fucking stop that and he looked at me one more time and just went

and I was like what am I supposed to I can't beat you you know I'm yelling at you and you're not responding you just don't respect my authority at all. I've really. I've exhausted my options here. I got no other tricks up my sleeve. I have been pushed to the brink. I'm out of stuff. I guess you're just going to keep doing it. And then even I got to the point where it was so crazy. I was like, all right, we're done with this.

And even Shay was like, okay, Keegan, let's go play. And he was like, no, no, no, this is fun. And she was like, it's getting really messy. It's like a five-year-old girl being like this is a fucking nightmare this is at your house yes your apartment yes and i imagine it's all still there you know what i just got the vacuum out i was just vacuuming the table and shit it wasn't as bad but she was like keegan it's it's too much of a mess and keegan as he's playing she goes don't worry dad will clean it up and i was like oh no i've just lost control he he knows exactly and i there

i was vacuuming a fucking sucker a goddamn idiot um anyway jason sudeikis yeah uh you know if there's any relationship in the world celebrity couple that breaks up and the girl is as pretty as olivia jake olivia wild and as as cool as she is, and we know that she fucks like crazy. We know that she's the golden girl. That's not speculative. That's just something she's said. And that girl goes on to date like a musical and sexual icon of our time.

You know, that sucks. And yet, I don't feel bad for Jace. I'm not like, oh, he's down bad. I think he's holding his own in this breakup. I... Is he winning the breakup? I would go so far as I'm more envious of him than I am of Harry Styles. Harry Styles.

Right now, if I could say, you could be one or the other. You'd pick in Sudeikis over... Over Olivia Wilde? No. We'll keep it male to male. You could be Harry Styles. You could be Jason Sudeikis over? Over Olivia Wilde? No. We'll keep it male to male. You could be Harry Styles. You could be Jason Sudeikis. Who are you being?

Probably Sudeikis. I don't know. Harry Styles. But Harry, like. It's funny that you wanted to compare to Olivia Wilde. You want to be her to fuck Harry Styles, don't you? No, no, no. Because I actually, I'm like, she's in a relationship with like, she's like 40 some odd years old

in a relationship with a 26 year old rock star. I'd be like, this is exhausting. Whereas Sudeikis is just smoking weed on the couch and winning Golden Globes. Sudeikis is, I said this on One Minute Man, I think he's, like, top five, like, guys I'd switch lives with right now. You just like his sneakers. I actually wasn't thinking that. He does have a good sneaker game. I think he's that perfect level.

Like, he actually, when he puts on a red carpet show, puts on the suit and does the hair and shit, he's fucking hot. Yeah. You know? He's not like, you don't think of him as like Brad Pitt, you know? But when he wants to be, he can turn it up. But then he can also just like hang with, like, I'm a normal guy. And he, you know, he does this thing on the Golden Globes the other night. Like, he's clearly a little high.

He puts on a hoodie and has the Ted Lasso mustache. And I think girls are kind of like, ooh. And guys like oh that's cool that's good like he he's and and i think he does have he has a kid he has otis right with uh he at least has one kid with with olivia wilde um but i he doesn't seem that old so i'd still trade with him he's pretty cool i mean he is he is he's way up there on my list right now. Like, that dude's fucking killing it. It's a fair place to be. And also, I mean, like, Ted Lasso is fucking awesome.

Yeah, I mean, the reason why he won the award for it, not that the Golden Globes is that big of a deal, but, like, he's beating out Eugene Levy, and he's beating out Rami. Who else was it? It was Eugene Levy, Don Cheadle, Rami. What was Don Cheadle for? He was in some show that, like, didn't really, because it was a movie, I think, that was, like, I don't know, you know, didn't really.

Are they all TV shows? Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know, then. I was going to say it was a movie that didn't get popular because of COVID, but I don't know what he was in. So clearly not that fucking good. But yeah, like, I mean, Sudeikis is on a, it's just to hold your own in a breakup where the girl goes to on Harry Styles is like, you're putting on a fucking display. Yeah. And maybe you're not winning it because again, this is tough.

But the fact that it's almost like when MGK battled Eminem and it was like, I didn't win, but like, you know, you went 12 rounds, you know, if you're holding up against Olivia and Harry Styles. Yeah, I think the only way I'd win a breakup is if my ex-girlfriend started dating a lizard. I'd be like, all right, I think I'm good. That's it. When it comes to the only thing worse than dating me would be dating a lizard. Why did a lizard come to mind?

I don't know. It's the grossest animal possible. Yeah. Just a slimy amphibious? Are they amphibious? Reptilian. Didn't Nick just correct us on this a couple episodes ago? That was with an iguana, not a lizard.

Pardon me. Pardon me. I believe they're of the same family. The cold-blooded family. I don't know, man. Don't go fuck a lizard. I'll win. So I had a harrowing moment. I'm going to see if it's still possible. I would sincerely

hope it's been removed. But I woke up the other night. It wasn't that late i went to bed early with my kids because as i mentioned they're motherfuckers and um and so i roll over at um like 11 30 but i had been asleep for like a couple hours at that point and i see this dm from this cat and it says like kfc i know you've seen the video of the guy fucking the rat i need to see your take on this what does that even and i was like god damn it because i was asleep and i hadn't my legs in my fucking its mouth or its ass with pussy i suppose i guess

there are female rats. And so these things are all going through my mind. I feel like he's got you. It's definitely the most high-risk, high-reward situation to fuck a rat's mouth. You might bite it, but I just feel like that's probably the easier hole to get in. It's probably the biggest hole on a rat, right? Definitely. It's everyone's biggest hole I think in my experience

but even her ass is usually it's tied to her mouth usually it's I gotta see if I can find this I don't know we were just talking about how fucking non-existent our dicks are in Speedos and I still don't think I could fit in a rat's ass jackie's full time are you so happy do your is your family so proud of you

is your family so proud of you Not to brag, but I couldn't fast fuck a rat. What? So, I... I can't find it. I almost need you to see it to maybe tell me. If I had to choose, I'd choose a dead man.

Definitely. I'm going to go with it was not real. It was a mouse toy or something. Okay. Because this was. You think maybe you just roofied it and it was lifeless? No, it was hollowed out. Imagine. because this was you think maybe he just roofied it and it was lifeless no it was like hollowed out imagine this is the best way

I can describe it and I'm proud of myself for coming up with this description imagine it was actually a mouse not a rat which I think

definitely couldn't fuck a mouse's ass I was gonna say a mouse's is even harder you know a mouse's are even tighter that rat

rat pussy's loose. Mr. Betsy. God damn it. So imagine if there was like a novelty, like a joke mouse condom. Okay. Imagine if you had like a condom that you put on and it had like a little mouse head at the top and like little arms coming out. Okay. So he was fucking its ass.

Yes. Okay. I think so. Put some context clues there. And I honestly think that's what made me think it was fake, because I was like, you can't fuck a rat's ass. It's just not possible. If it was his mouth, we could maybe figure this out. But imagine if you just had a hollowed out mouse, and he was more like... He was just jerking off with a mouse's ass.

It was like, it was like he was rolling. No, no, he was, he was fleshlighting. What allegedly was a dead mouse. Oh, wow. And I, I had a moment. So this was, you know, I'm waking up and my, my arms are broken. My hands won't work. And as I sit there typing through the rigor mortis,'m like this is what people think of me you know like the internet

and you reap what you sow take on that fucking mouse getting fucked right and i i get it you reap what you sow and this is the the reputation i've built for myself but it's not like hey man you know um like what do you think about like the that move you know in syria like what do you think about that like you know it's like i want your take on this like political geopolitical moment i don't know someone's fucking a mouse i gotta talk to you guys like and but like here's the thing as i'm sitting here i'm like come on kevin let's find it i know i know i gotta find it i'm. I'd like to see this. I'd like to give my take on this. Yeah, we've got to find this.

Man tortures mouse? I mean, I don't think it's torture, you know, unless he really didn't enjoy it. I mean, at the very least, it's rape. Well, if it's alive. If it's dead. Ooh, you can still rape a dead person. Can you? There's an interesting you can still rape a dead person. Can you?

There's an interesting question. It can't give consent, but it also can't resist. It can't say no. I think it's rape if someone doesn't give consent. But if there's no consent. So every time I fuck a flashlight, am I raping it? It's an inanimate object. Well, twist.

Okay. You get me on your side. It never had life. Get me on your side. It never had life, but. I just know it's illegal. How about that? I don't know what they. I would argue.

Pin on you. I don't think that should be illegal. I think you should go to like fucking dead thing and then it's like, you're fucking disgusting. Yeah. Maybe we'll keep an eye on you. Tag that thing. Pre-crime. We'll watch you for later.

We'll follow you because you're going to go do something illegal. But I don't know. You want to just be a creep? So let me just, before I even read that. So the DM said, yo, please tell me you've seen the guy fucking a dead rat video. There needs to be a reaction from you on this ASAP. And so I tweet. Like, I hate the internet.

I hate this so much. Of course I watched it. Of course I looked for it. But I got the funniest reply. Let me see if it's still up there, because this one, this is great. He just goes, I am a sane human with morals, and I refuse to Google search and watch that disgusting nonsense. However, it happened to be in the comment section, and my finger was to experience an involuntary muscle spasm causing the video to play. That would be out of my control and another guy says well i'm a relatively sane human with quote good if flexible morals last time i witnessed bestiality was when mr hands was

fucked to death by a horse i was fascinated by what would drive a man to do such a thing then i found out there was a documentary i was curious and horrified and i'm just sitting there reading these two have a conversation like what is my life get down with animal stuff how does it got how has it gotten to this point man fucks i mean i mean come on like how i how much more context can i give the internet here man fucks rat man fucks mice man like i just can't believe it's that hard to find. I must have got it, like, right before it deleted, you know? Let me just do one quick.

Man fucks rat, you know? Let me get back to... I mean, these are things that I do feel like I have to watch them. I'm like, I am compelled. Like, I must. I feel like there's a problem. I feel like it's a problem when someone says, like, have you seen XYZ? And I'm like, no.

I feel like I must see these things. Like, really fucked up things or just anything in general? Kind of just like we are lords of the internet. We are keepers here. I must know my realm. I feel like I can't not see it. Yeah, I think they deleted all of them. They didn't just delete it.

Then they burned down the fucking server, wherever the servers are hosted in. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of reactions, you know? But I'm going to go with that it was fake and that it was just like a toy that the man... Because, you know, I mean, we'll fuck anything. This was like a grown man, not like a kid. But, you know, when you're young, it's like,

oh, I'll fuck that candle if I can. I'll put it in anything. Remember the kid who fucked the fish? It was very much like that. Okay. That got us in trouble, didn't it? Yeah.

Barstool? Was it Smitty who blogged it, I think? I want to say Smitty or Nate, one of the two. Why did he get in trouble? I guess just because of bestiality? Yes, John.

That is, that's, yes. Why would it not have gotten us in trouble? I don't know, man. I didn't fuck a fish. That dude fucked a fish. That is true.

I mean, we didn't get in trouble for fucking the fish we got in trouble for posting that was gross and it was it was a similar it was a similar event but it was it was a mouse i'm just gonna have to go with i think that was fake just for the sake of the goddamn my goddamn sanity just for the belief in the human race going forward right right right man um because like that's one of those things too where i think you have to have my 100 subjects um that's one of those things where like i think you can accidentally fuck a person sometimes we realize like it like it's like it's just like it just kind of happens

you know what i mean we're like i shouldn't have done that that was a mistake but like it's just like, it just kind of happens. You know what I mean? We were like, I shouldn't have done that. That was a mistake. But like, it's pretty easy to fuck a person. So this is a consenting person, by the way. I was going to say, let's clarify that. But the. Well, when you're just making like bad, you know, you have like. Yeah, he's made a bad decision. You have like boner brain and you're like, yeah.

It's easy to do that. But like, there's a lot of steps that go into preparing to fuck a mouse in particular. I mean, I got to feel like if you're spreading a rat's cheeks with two fingers, there's a part of you that's got to go, all right, we got to reel it in. We got to call it a day here. This one got away from me yeah like yeah definitely like like if there's a there's a get in this because yeah there's a there's another willing another willing consenting party they're doing their part too right so it's like oh my god this is my ex i should not be fucking her but she's

trying or like oh this girl's like you know really gross or something and she wants it and like so you know someone someone at least trying to encourage you right this is no one this is just you continuing to push forward and and nothing is slowing you down that's that's where it's that's where almost like the jjo uh like like it it it counteracts itself yeah it's – that's where almost like the JJO – like it counteracts itself. Yeah. Because it's like that's what I'm trying to do here, man. Just do it with your hand first before you do it to that goddamn – whatever. That other thing you're putting it in that you shouldn't be.

Jesus Christ, this one really got away. I really – I wanted to talk about like award shows and stuff. Yeah. That was literally my plan was to talk about award shows and stuff. Yeah. That was literally my plan was to talk about award shows. The award shows, they... Award shows are crazy, right? Anyway. Anyway, Golden Globes weren't very popular. Ratings were down.

You think if they made... You think if they made Flashlights if they made fleshlights you know how they make you know how they make uh we were talking about with nick like the dragon how about this how about this okay if you heard that a young lady had a dragon dildo, would you have a problem with that? No. No, right? If that young lady found out that you had a mouse that you fuck,

a fake one, would she have a problem with that? Yes, she would. Yeah. I think it's different. That, my friends, is a double standard. I don't think so. It very much is. Well, the rat, the... Okay, fine.

What if she found out that you had like a tiny little dragon that you fucked yeah nah you're right double standard yeah

if you told some girl literally if I was at a bar with some chick we're like drinking and we're getting drunk and we're having like you know crazy conversation

and she's like I go home every night and I fuck this dragon dick I would be like tell me more yeah yeah yeah and then if it was like okay yeah you know what i do i go home and i fuck this dragon pussy she would call the police she would call them she would get out her macy double fucking standard it is you're right because i i thought that maybe we're understanding we understand that shit gets kinky and weird sometimes when you first brought it up i was like well no because that's a very myth-based fantasies and like you could

actually go fuck a rat but no even when you change to fucking dragon's flaps and still right no i fuck a unicorn you know it doesn't matter that it's mythical john i'll tell you what's happening here i'm gonna let you behind the scenes here a little bit. Our next sponsor does not like being attached to too much risque shit, and I can't get out of this. I have to put a good five minutes between this topic and our next sponsor, and I have no end in sight. This podcast may never end.

I have no idea how to segue out of this to something sponsor-friendly. So Dragons, Game of Thrones, they used to win awards. Award shows, man. They really just don't have the same juice they used to. People don't care anymore. No, they don't, John. So let's put in five minutes on it. Do you remember the days? Do you remember the days when people did care about you, John?

We used to all live tweet him and gain, we would gain like a thousand followers a night, John. We used to watch the Oscars and the Emmys, even the goddamn MTV VMAs. People cared, John. They cared. The VMAs were big. The ratings were huge. The social following was epic.

The retweets were amazing, John. Oh, yeah. I mean, the hosts. The hosts were good. The musical acts wereets were amazing, John. Oh, yeah. I mean, the hosts. The hosts were good. The musical acts were good. Remember, John? The days. The golden era.

Four minutes and 15 seconds left. The golden era of award shows. We live. We get to tell our grandkids that. We live through the golden era. We would dress up in tuxedos and watch. Goddamn watch parties. And do them on watch parties.

Yes. I mean, I remember it being like, what are you doing you know sunday night for for the like like the big game what are you doing for the for the oscars what are you doing for the emmys what are you doing for the for the grammys and now forgot to happen last night i mean i i even worse john even worse i knew it was happening and just chose not to watch it now i know it's particularly because of corona that's really bad but the award shows in general yeah well i without any fucking red carpet, I'm just not interested. I guess that might be it. But even before the award show.

I used to like the red carpet more than the show. Yeah, me too. I'd start watching Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet at like 4 p.m. I mean, for the big shows, he starts the red carpet at noon. It's wild. It is absolutely wild. We should get hired to do that They should put us on the red carpet

I'd like that I would accept that job offer Yes If Entertainment Tonight called me And said we'd like you to host award shows Well not host award shows I'd be like Joan Rivers Like Fashion Police

I mean it sucks They can't even do that anymore They got in trouble right Right before Joan Rivers. Like, yeah, I'd just be like, I'll just like fashion police. Yeah. I mean, it sucks. They can't even do that anymore. They got in trouble. Right. Right before Joan Rivers died, she got in trouble. Yeah. But she I don't she didn't give a fuck. She's like, I'm just going to die.

But I don't think I mean, I don't think they do that anymore. You're like, oh, you're going to cancel me. Watch. I'm dead. God, that'd be great. Just killing yourself before you or not killing yourself, but dying before you. I feel like if there was a red carpet show with normal people talking normal things, it would go a long way. Yeah, like I wouldn't wear a suit for it.

I'd be there with like chips on my chest and like a stretched out sweatshirt. And I'd be like, that like, chips on my chest and, like, a stretched out sweatshirt. And I'd be like, that dude looks like shit. Yeah. Yeah. They should do it. We're at the red carpet, but they set up a couch for us. Yeah. And we sit on the couch. We dress normal.

Just sitting there like a fat ass. Like, I hate that dress. Yes. Yes. And then, like, also, you know, like, we don't know what we're talking about. So these people are like, oh my God, that's the 2017 Valentino repurposed as a 2021. I'd be like, your pants look funny. Your silhouette doesn't work for you.

Your dress is too poofy. I don't like how poofy it is. And I think it would kill. I think people would be like, yeah, man, those pants are weird. I agree. There's a bunch of, man, those pants are weird. I agree. There's a bunch of glass shattering moments for celebrities walking. Like, oh, man, I didn't even realize what he's right. Fuck.

We could ruin some nights. I do look like an asshole. Could you imagine a normal guy? Yeah, he'd be like, I fucking told my agent I look stupid. I told him the pants were puffy. And listen, I should have listened to the normal guys. I should have listened to Steve, my friend from high school. I should have listened to the normal guys I should have listened to Steve I should have listened to those guys who fuck rats

5 more minutes on the clock I knew he was going to do it I literally knew he was going to reset the clock on me I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to ruin it because I knew he was going to do it I was like what if he resets the clock he's going to reset the clock on me

we're never getting out of this episode. The goddamn rat fucker clock. It's like one of those, there has been zero days since. Reset it. Flip it back to zero. Fucking goddamn. Rat fucking is a term

though. Rat fucking is a political term. Oh! Yeah. What's the meaning? It's, like, basically just, like... This is one of your facts, isn't it? No, no, no, no.

I actually recently watched All the President's Men, and, like, it was, like, a Nixon strategy. Or, like, one of Nixon's strategists came up with it in college, which basically... I mean, it's basically just, like... Filibuster? No, it's, like, you just fucking... Just make up lies about your opponent. Oh, like you fucked a rat? I mean, it's basically just like filibuster? No, it's like you just fucking just make up lies about

your opponent. Oh, you fucked a rat? I guess, probably, yeah. I'm gonna just search rat fucking. I'll be honest, here's the thing. I think we're good. If we just transition to political talk, I think we're okay. If rat fucking is just a political thing where you talk about your opponent's fucking a rat, we're still talking about rat fucking.

Yeah, sabotage are dirty tricks, butage or dirty tricks. But is the dirty trick that one time a president said, hey, that guy used to fuck rats, because then we are again talking about literally fucking rats. I don't think so. I think it's just like, is this a political sabotage or dirty tricks? I think it's like outright lies. This was about Watergate as well.

So you're telling me that Deep Throat and rat fucking were from the same goddamn scandal? One of the worst moments of my life was talking about Watergate with my mom when she said deep throat. Deep throat gets, again, I didn't read the book, so I only saw the movie. Deep throat gets a lot of credit for doing basically nothing. Deep throat was the one who spoke like a whistleblower or something? Yeah, but like, see, so it was. Why did they call them? I forget if it was Woodward or Bernstein.

Woodward or Bernstein. Which came first? Which term came first? Like deep throat meaning like dick sucking or this deep throat? I forget if it was Woodward or Bernstein. Which came first? Which term came first? What? Deep throat meaning like dick sucking or this deep throat? I would imagine him. You think? Yeah, back in, what year was this?

Was it the 70s? 71 or something like that? Yeah, back in like 71, people weren't deep throat. They were just putting their mouth on it. I feel like that's not true. You don't think so? Wasn't Linda Lovelace like early? Yeah.

Damn it. God, it almost had us out. And I don't even know if we really did, but it felt that way. It felt like we were close. We were like, oh, we just talked about a book for 30 seconds. We should be good now. Anyway, Dean felt like when he, again, I forget. It's Robert Redford's character.

I forget if he was playing Woodward or Bernstein, but, like, he kept meeting him in fucking, by the way, All the Brothers of the Bandits is a great movie, but he kept meeting him in parking garages, and he'd just be like, I can't answer that question. I mean, what was, so he, like, every single, he did not give, like, a bombshell or anything, at least in the movie. There was, like, never, like, a really important thing that he told. So he did not give like a bombshell or anything, at least in the movie. It was like never like a really important thing that he told. It was just like, I think he actually did coin the phrase, follow the money.

But that was like his, I think that was his biggest advice was follow the money. History and etymology. From the nickname given to such an informant in the Watergate Samuel by Bob Woodward,, born 1943, U.S. journalist, from the title of a pornographic film, 1972. So there was a porn in 72 called Deep Throat, which is kind of weird that in 73 there was a scandal and they just gave him this name. Yeah. Woodward and Bernstein were like, what should we name this guy? It's on TV. Okay.

Right. Deep Throat. Right. I mean, right? Imagine if there was a scandal in the 90s and you did this. What's our informant called? Like, Anal Whores 5? I remember my friend had a DVD. Five more minutes!

Five more minutes on the clock! I remember my friend had a porn, probably VHS, maybe a DVD, and it was just called Fuck You Ass Whores 5. Fuck you ass whores. Not even, it just felt like a fuck you. Fuck these ass whores. Fuck them. Five. Part five.

I mean, that's a goddamn. Yeah. How else are we going to kill five more minutes? Last episode, was it last episode we had that fateful question? Two. Two episodes ago, we had the worst question of our show's history, and we had seven minutes before. It was a buffer.

It was 13 minutes after our last sponsor and seven minutes before the next sponsor so we had the perfect timing for that voicemail which was just absolutely not sponsor friendly and um but that was a big to do by the way we we were we were debating well we were not debating other people other powers that be were debating trying to get us to remove that from the show that was that was that felt good we were so right on that one. I was like, I stand by my art. Stand by the cancer video. I'd fuck them. Five minutes!

We were told. This is a game. It actually is also kind of harrowing because I'm not going out of my way. It's just happening. What's going to happen is we're just going to do a two-hour podcast, and at the end we're going to read five adverts. We were told anybody else at the company –

well, no, there's a couple other people, obviously, at the same level or ahead of us that would have Carp launch. But anybody else at the company, they would have told them, you are taking that out of your show. We were given the option, like, you guys, it's your call, but we would not put it in there. And I was like, thank you for your advice. We're leaving it be.

It was even like a conversation. It was like, yeah, we'll leave that in, right? Yeah. Done. Yeah. It was like, I always cite it, Ron White, when he says, if you can stand on your own two feet, look your friend in the eye and say, fuck you, I'm doing it. Like, okay. And we did that and, I mean, not a problem at all. Not even a little bit of a blowback.

Oh, we just got a bunch. And that's a testament to the listeners. Like there was nobody snitching. There was nobody tagging, you know, the haters of the world, the Julie DeCarros of the world. You see, I'm number one idiot of the month. You are? I am. I am number one idiot of the month at Deadspin.

Oh, God. I beat out Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is number two. He's three. Oh, who's two? I think Adam Silver. So just so we're clear, leaving your state in the middle of a crisis. A crisis.

Yeah. And pandemic. After, by the way like mocking other states who went through uh power source crises and uh and all that shit um not as bad as uh tweeting about an internet hoax it's like they even said in in the write-up you know i'm just gonna read it for you yeah let's do it um Because they even mentioned they were like, 2013 was like so many internet

lifetime ago's, and I was like, not for me, man. It's been one for me. Not my fault that you haven't fucking been around long enough. Oh, they acknowledge that it was... But they acknowledge that it was... But in a sense, they were like, Clancy's excuse was that this has happened many times before. And they were like, yeah, back in 2013, which is like ancient. And then Dan had the good point. He's like, Clancy's excuse was that this has happened many times before.

And they were like, yeah, back in 2013, which is like ancient. And then Dan had the good point. He's like, well, then when you dig up our jokes from 2012, which way does it work, you dumb fucks? So this is from Deadspinning. And they also do this now. It just says the staff. I'm like, who fucking wrote this? You fucking cowards. You cowards.

Kevin Clancy knew what he was doing was idiotic, did it anyway, and then tried to play it off. I don't think he tried to play it off. I mean. And I mean, listen, I knew what I was doing was idiotic. Everything's idiotic. Although I did the same exact thing. I know, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch.

Literally the exact same thing. I deleted it earlier. And I also, I i throw the caveat in my original tweet and you will delete i said i will delete this if tiger's actually hurt which he isn't i also i when i i do like this nickname clancy the internet slime artist from barf stool better known as kfc reacted to the news of the tiger woods car accident by tweeting hoax city population one tiger woods three minutes later as more news broke with the reacted to the news of the Tiger Woods car accident by tweeting, Hoax City, Population 1, Tiger Woods. Three minutes later, as more news broke

with the crash being confirmed by law enforcement, Clancy went back and added, Hoax City, Population 2, Tiger Woods, and the L.A. Sheriff's Department. Now that's a funny joke, making fun of how I was wrong with the first one. Those tweets have since been deleted, although screenshots still exist

in the replies to his non-apology. I got no problem admitting when i got bad tweets jokes moments uh might be the first good joke kfc has ever gotten off he deleted the woods hoax tweets quote because it's upsetting people so it's gone really well yeah uh literally that's why i did it i didn't want to delete it but yes i did do it because that if that was the standard kfc would simply delete his account because his entire persona is upsetting people. Well, you know, 50%. So 50% will like it.

This is the guy whose bio is hater of the year, says 9th through present, and whose pinned tweet, which refers to his magnum opus, is a thread titled Yankee fans are the worst, which is nothing more than cell phone pictures of Yankee fans captured off of television, some looking kind of goofy, but generally doing nothing to warrant such treatment. I didn't. That was the first time I read that part.

That is. Also, first of all, who doesn't fucking hate Yankee fans? If we can't unite upon that dead spin assholes, then we have, then we can't even ever coexist. If you look through that thread of Yankee fans. There's no one who's like, oh, this guy was just minding his business at the ballpark. Not a one. And I actually usually make sure of that. A lot of times people will send me ones and I'm like, no, no, no. You need to be a fucking creature before

I post it. And they all are. Every single one of those people has said a racial slur within 24 hours of that picture being taken of them. Then he goes on. Boy, they wrote a lot. KFC defended his having called I know that's not wrong, but wrote a lot. KFC defended his having called. I know it's not wrong, but this is weird wording.

KFC defended his having called the woods crash. That's just weird English. His having called. Oh, yeah. I get what they're saying now, but this is bad. A hoax in the first place by citing several previous instances of athletes having been reported to have broken both their legs in a car accident that were revealed as hoaxes of course that was a thing in 2013 which is multiple internet lifetimes ago just look at how many iterations of this website there have been and in those cases the initial reports weren't coming from actual reporters who identify

themselves as working for actual media outlets let alone the la county sheriff's department now a couple things one yeah you motherfuckers haven't been around long enough. We have been. We are a victim of our own goddamn longevity. And two, we were on that story faster than anyone when the initial tweets weren't from a law enforcement. Yeah, there was no law enforcement. If the very first tweet was the L.A. Sheriff's Department,

I wouldn't have said shit. It was some random guy. It was like a random guy who, like, I think he said he was a formerly a reporter. Like, he wasn't even currently a reporter. He didn't have a blue checkmark. I believe he said he was, like, reporter like he wasn't even currently reported he didn't have a blue check mark i believe he said he's like formerly at fox business or something like that i forget right so he was kind of a weird shady character so again stand by all of it this is the ending here though nick liked this part in other words it was extremely easy to tell from

the jump that the woods news was real not a hoax again really quickly though like no it wasn't it just straight up wasn't if you were on it as quick as we were and you know the shit that we know, it just really wasn't. But KFC decided to be a shitheel about it anyway. Oh, boy, that wasn't the end. Hang on. Where's the good part? Okay. Barstool's KFC is the one man who could make Colonel Sanders' KFC look good.

These people should go fuck a rat. Five minutes! Five minutes! Five minutes! Next segment is brought to you by Miller Lite. Whether you are an idiot of the month. See, an idiot of the month wouldn't drink Miller Lite. You know what I mean? An idiot of the month would be a moron drinking another beer

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There's something about the Miller Lite can. It's a very cool logo. Yeah, it's better in the can. I like a cold can of Miller Lite to me. It's like the peak, the pinnacle. It's the original light beer, and it's always been about bringing you and your friends together, whether it's in

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that you portrayed that to me as a comedy. No. I don't think so. Would you not say, Nick, that it was... I thought it was the way you described it. It sounded like the movie Tag not say, Nick, that it was – I thought it was – the way you described it, it sounded like the movie Tag kind of. I thought it was a funny comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all drink. Yeah. So I went into that being like, John loved this movie. I think it was like – It's a great movie. Well, yes, but I was expecting it to be – and there are some moments that are quote- they're like they're drinking and like they get a little too out of hand with it and stuff but my goodness i mean i started by saying it's four guys who are stagnant and depressed yes but you know i thought then it was like they drink and then it's four of those in here right

now and then you know i mean there's death and domestic incidents and stuff and i was watching it i was like boy they are really gonna have to dig out of this hole to make this comedy funny and like two more incidents in i'm like okay i'm not watching a comedy okay i'm watching a deep dark alcoholism movie okay and it is good but i was like boy did i did i misread this one it's um because i remember thinking when you like when i was under this impression that it was because i was like this is just not a good idea like it's gonna if you were to try this in real life it would get out of hand for sure and it it did did you see the uh columbia professor who just recently put out an article saying everybody should do drugs? No.

He – it was interesting for many reasons. His, like, thesis was, like, everybody should do drugs. And it's, like, just because some people can't handle it doesn't mean that, like, I should be penalized. He's, like, I do heroin. I smoke a little bit of crack. I'm, like, constantly on opiates. I do hallucinogenics. He's, like, every few weeks, every couple months i go through withdrawals but it's worth it and i just like maintain a safe amount and i feel like so much better because of it and i should be able to do

that if i want to and strong arguments and and then also it's funny so what else was interesting is like the new york post writes an article being like professor says do heroin you know and it just has these quotes that are like like professor said said, quote, you should do drugs. Like, and that's it, you know. And then you read I read a GQ article, which was like the full Q&A. And he has this whole thesis about like he's a black guy and he's saying like the like writing prescriptions is like an inherently racist institution in America that it used to be doctors who like would give white people the drugs and not the black people and like all this shit. So it goes a lot,

a lot deeper than just like, you should be able to do drugs. And like, they characterize it as like, fuck yeah, just party, man. When it's really like,

if we controlled the drugs differently and correctly and not with some of the old, like prejudices that it could be better, I guess. But ultimately, yeah, he was kind of just like, I can control. I mean, and really that's the same thing as another round. It's like, if you could control it, if you could just keep it to 0.05, it would probably work.

And if people could just do heroin every now and then, then maybe it'd be fine. But people can't. I think we have pretty much proven that as a society, there's no self-control by and large, huge swaths of society cannot handle this. The, uh, there's like the headline that there's another New York post article the other

day, I think probably Saturday, they tweeted it where it was like, uh, study finds that, uh, study finds that fast food, cheese, and sugar are more addictive than heroin. And I was like, imagine being a heroin addict.

It's not. It's not. Well, it's also more like, maybe it is, but it's not as goddamn destructive. It's just not. It's just not. It's just not. They're like, oh, yeah, like... We tested it on a couple rats. Opiates are pretty good, but have you ever had brie?

No, you can't not put down brie. No one's ever, like, strangled their mother and stolen brie out of her purse, okay? No one's ever threatened to kill a loved one over some fucking manchego. Jesus Christ. What do we got where are we at on this godforsaken podcast we got to do i mean how far in are we we're 103 and we still we're gonna get joel mckale and voicemails uh top five top five voicemails joel mckale okay so top fives we'll just just do it. I mean, again, the original idea was we were going to talk about Sudeikis, and then we were going to talk about the Golden Globes and television,

and then we were going to talk about streaming services, so this top five was going to make sense. It doesn't anymore. But whatever. It doesn't matter. Because guess what? Top fives are just a gimmick. It's just a gimmick because people like lists,

and then it gets me to put out a nice little shiny graphic, and people go, and they debate about it on our social media, which ups our engagement, gets our followers, and people go listen to our podcast. So it doesn't matter if there's a good segue or not. So top fives today. Top five streaming services in the game today. We did talk about it a little bit on the rundown. That's where this – the rundown had happened normally.

On the rundown, you don't talk about fucking rats. There is the problem. So, but we did say how, like, we talked about cutting the cord and getting rid of cable and saving money. And now you just pay for cable in a different form. Yeah, that's true. It's like, oh, cable is $150. I'm not going to pay for that. I'm going to pay $15 a month for 10 services. It's like it's the same goddamn thing.

I pay for cable still because I was going to try to make I would say my entertainment budget per month through the roof. It's got to be like $400. But also, much like I say with your haircuts and your bed.

It's what I spend most of my day doing. It's like if you told me when i when i find out there was a time where like a huge chunk of my budget was like uber and i was like just transporting myself from place to place was like my most expensive thing if my biggest budget is is like watching awesome entertainment okay yeah i'm fine with that i'm also fine with uber well as long as you're doing like yeah good yeah, good shit, I guess it doesn't matter. I'm a... Yeah, we know.

My money situation is always just, like, cost what it costs. Yeah. I don't know. I've never sat down and done a budget or anything like that. That's why I always say, if you want to, like, steal an identity or steal a credit card, like, don't steal my identity and, like, buy a fucking car. Just, like, pay your groceries. You know? I'll just never notice that, like, a couple hundred extra bucks a week gone. I'll just be like, I don't know. I don't don't steal my identity and like buy a fucking car just like pay your groceries you know others never notice that like a couple hundred extra bucks a week gone i don't know i don't have any money i never have any money you know um uh but i i want to make a

concerted effort this year last year i tried to do it and i was like i had that 15 second delay watching sports on like a hulu service and i was like like, I can't do that, but I can do that. Yeah. It's pretty easy. Cause I actually like last year, I remember like there was a Mets like a walk off home run and I was 15 seconds late and I was like, I can't have this, but I was like, I can have this.

Come on. I can do this perfectly fine to do that. Yeah. And I, cause I'm someone who I have cable, but I've not set up cable boxes cause I don't think it looks pretty. So I, I have, I have cable. because I don't think it looks pretty. So I have cable. That's even crazier. So you don't have.

I do use cable for one thing, and that's like Mets games. But I also need it to download a lot of the apps I have on my TV. Oh, you can't have internet without having cable? No, no, no. Like when I log into. Oh, like Showtime on demand? Whatever. Oh, I think you can, demand whatever i don't know i

don't think you need cable for that really i think so i think there's a way around that oh well it's just the easiest way to do it so what you do when i download so you get cable subscribe to showtime to then have the streaming service showtime anywhere or whatever yeah yeah you definitely don't need to do that no way it's like it's, it's not, you can just go right. But it's not like I put like my, like any new credit card information. And it's just like, I download the app. It's like,

what service do you have? It was like spectrum or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I feel you, but I, I'm pretty sure there's a way around that. Even like for like NBC.

Cause that'd be like double dip. Like ABC, like I don't know. Like NBC, you get like the peacock thing, you know, you just get like NBC, ABC.

I'm sure ABC has like ABC plus or some shit. I don't know. i think they all do have it by by now i might be wrong on that but but i also i don't think certain i think if there is an app that exists for it you don't need to also subscribe to cable but what do i know because i just an idiot who pays for both um so i do think there's a bunch now i think that some are better than others i was just tweeting about this the other day i think i have a a pick that I think is off the reservation for most people. But we'll go through a top five streaming services today. I'll give you the first pick because I'm a gentleman and a scholar. Okay.

Number one, easy. Netflix. It is the bona fide first overall pick. It is. It's a can't-miss prospect. Okay. Whereas... No, it's not a prospect.

That's like a franchise cornerstone. It's Andrew Luck. Yeah, that's... No, I wouldn't... Oh, I guess in terms of drafting, yes, yes. But I'm saying it's so far into its tenure now. It's like having LeBron almost. It's the gold standard.

It became, for a while at least least i will say that the other the other like netflix and chill was a thing when like it that just meant like stream stuff and chill you know what i mean now there are other names like their market share has kind of like dipped a little bit but netflix it is it's the king it's the cornerstone i mean it's what it netflix also just is so cool in the sense that, like, it destroyed Blockbuster. I don't know why I think that's cool, but I do. It ruined lives. No, it didn't.

It was the first – like, you know, it was the trailblazer for sure because they used to do physical discs as well. Netflix originally was like DVDs. You can only have those three at a time. Yeah, seven. Seven? Yeah, I used to get seven because I was burning them all. Oh, yeah, you were burning them. Yeah.

But the – I just love, like, was it – Buster had the opportunity to buy them for, like, $50 million or something like that? And they passed. All time bad. I mean, I think that will go down as the worst business mistake ever. What do you call it? The fucking Victoria's Secret is a pretty bad one. That's a bad one, too.

That's a pretty tough one. Yeah, what exactly is that? The guy just had, like... He, like, sold it for, like, a dollar. Pennies. I think he sold it for, like, a million dollars, and within, like, a year, it's worth, like, 300 million. He killed himself.

I feel that. I'm going to go with number two, because I will say about Netflix, it is the gold standard, but I am watching it less and less and less. For sure. to be like what's the new netflix show have to like be in on it and now it's like just what is the new show and and it's it's you find yourself asking the question what service is it on much more now because it used to just be like netflix netflix it's on netflix you know um i'm gonna go with what i think is like the new up and comer and already pretty diesel on the scene and already obviously already has ties to like

great franchises that's HBO Max I think HBO Max is going to be a very good blend I think Netflix has gone a little bit more Netflix or HBO Max I think HBO Max is going to have I went through their comedies the other day and I was like there's really nothing in here

I was going to say the opposite. I feel like they had good movies. I use these streaming. I don't really watch movies very often. I watch TV shows more. And they have access to like, they also have good shit like, I don't know why this is, but maybe it's just all under one big umbrella, but like Snowpiercer is

on HBO Max, but that's on TNT on regular TV. Oh, that's weird. I don't know why. Maybe Turner owns all of it or whatever. So there's a couple things that are like actually on different Max, but that's on TNT on regular TV. Oh, that's weird. I don't know why. Maybe Turner owns all of it or whatever. So there's a couple things that are actually on different channels, but then are on HBO Max. So they've got a wide... They have

a lot of networks that compile all their shit. So I'm going to go HBO Max. HBO Max is a good choice. I'm going to go, and this one is a crazy one because I know... Nah, I'm not going to go with it in my pocket. I was going to go, and this one is a crazy one because I know Nah, I'm not going to go with it. I was going to go with something with an H. I might still.

Hulu had what I think is one of the more delightful movies I watched this year and Palm Springs. I love Palm Springs. That's so up your alley, specifically. It's a great movie, but I remember watching that and being like, John's going to love this.

I had multiple people reach out to me What's the girl's name in that? I forget. Love her. Oh, it's Alison Brie, isn't it? She's the girl from How I Met Your Mother. She plays the mother in How I Met Your Mother. Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's got Alison Brie eyes. She's very, like, very dry and, like... Yeah, she's very, very funny. Hulu? Hulu's the pick? I think Hulu's the pick. I've been watching a lot of Modern Family lately, so that also would be a lot of time spent on the Hulu app.

So, yeah, and Hulu is number two. Hulu's interface sucks. That was going to be my lot of time spent on the Hulu app. So, yeah, and Hulu is number two. Hulu's interface sucks. That was going to be my critique of it. It's a terrible interface, but it does have, I don't know if it deserves to be number two. It's got one good movie and a show I'm currently watching. The thing about all of these things is they all have, like, one good thing you need.

And then it's like if you start to really... And that's why Netflix still is king. Actually, no, because Hulu's got... Yeah, no, never mind. Hulu actually doesn't get the love it should, in fact. Hulu's got 30 Rock, Always Sunny. See, you know what? You're big on the rewatch.

It depends on what you're going in for. If you're going in for new shit or the rewatch. Yeah, Seinfeld. Because that's where... I think I'm going to go for my second pick. I think this is going to be early, but I'm going to be upset if I don't get it. And I think you actually, I could draft anybody else in the world, and I think I could take this fifth overall. And I think I have to take it early with you because I think you're one of the

only other people who really appreciates it. And I'm going to take Apple TV. Oh. I think Apple TV. I couldn't take it number one i honestly forgot it existed oh i'm surprised because mythic mythic quest right ted lasso i like the morning show i like i love for all mankind i like i fucked with the m night shalaman thing servant a little bit. And, um, we, we both watched that Aaron Paul thing.

That sucked, but it was, but it, but, but it had like, it, I think it started, it came in with a bang.

I thought it was awesome in the beginning. And then, uh, cause I really like for all mankind morning show, uh, and mythic quest to me, if you have like three shows that I will be excited about when they keep coming out,

that's a big deal. Yeah. Most networks have one absolutely and um they've got a leo and scorsese movie coming and uh something else on apple tv yes they have like a they have they have some movies coming out that are like heavy hitter shit our guy kroll uh because I I said that and of course was getting like some heat people being like no that's a bad pick and I and he was like uh they've got the future is like bright for and that's another thing too is like that's like Apple's gonna they're not gonna be like they're not gonna lose out too much you know what I mean they're they're gonna have uh I don't know why the the Twitter search is just a disaster. It's so bad. It's giving me every other interaction

except for what I want. It's just crazy. When did you do this? When did I do what? You said you picked it already. Just recently because For All Mankind Season 2 came out just like the other day.

Okay, so I think this is it here so he said don't forget about the Band of Brothers sequel is going to be on Apple TV how the fuck did HBO do that? Apple did that why didn't HBO? I don't know Leo and Marty's next movie are coming on there

Ridley Scott and Joaquin Phoenix are going to do a Napoleon movie and the Russo brothers have a movie with Tom Holland coming. So the Apple TV future is very bright and also has three to four, maybe four and a half. Oh, and it had that Chris Evans, uh,

that had a bad ending, but depending Jacob, so like it's had like four or five shows that I've watched start to finish a season or multiple seasons that I thought were like really good. So, it's had like four or five shows that I've watched start to finish a season or multiple seasons that I thought were like really good. So, I mean, really, when I make that case, Mythic Quest, Morning Show, and I'll leave the ones off that I specifically watch. But even if it's like Ted Lasso, Smash Hit, Mythic Quest was big, and Morning Show.

It's like three series that are going to keep going on for a long time that's for what like 10 bucks a month it's a very strong strong fuck the apple tv haters um all right three i will go tell me what i watch the most i guess three i'm gonna have to go peacock which is no but i've i've never watched The Office on Peacock. Really? Once it left Netflix, I was kind of like, whatever. But it is a good... NBC has a lot of good shows,

and it is also Premier League soccer. Premier League... You have Premier League soccer in your backpack. Okay. You're going to do pretty good. That's true, but you just fucked yourself. Why? Because you didn't take Disney+.

Ah, bitch! And now I've got all the Marvel shit. Yeah, fuck off. You fucked yourself. Fuck. But soccer is a big pull. If you're a soccer fan, you're going to have to watch that. Peacock wouldn't even be in my top 20 because I don't care about that.

But yeah, Disney+, is going to have all of the WandaVisions and Mandalorians. What's the next one coming out with them? Falcon and the Winter Soldier? Yes, but what's the one that the Mandalorian actor is doing next? Pedro Pascal? Yeah. Isn't he doing another series? Is that on Disney Plus too?

I don't know. I think he's taking a break from Mandalorian to do this other thing. I mean, I know he's doing that. He definitely is doing that. I don't know if it's on Disney Plus. But yeah, Disney Plus is the choice. We were watching WandaVision the other day, and it's the most recent episode.

It's not a spoiler. It's how the episode starts. But I just really think we as a society don't talk about enough the fact that... The witches? We just light women on fire. Eradicated them, yeah. We just took chicks and gave them

an impossible question to test to pass. It was are you a witch? And if you said yes, we threw you in the water. If you're a witch, you'll be able to float her. That was the test. We just throw you in the fucking water.

And with a stone tied to you. And if you're not a witch, you drown you are a witch we burn you it was like either way you're fucking dead if a woman was like i don't know capable we were like witchcraft lighter on fire yeah black magic that's crazy i know as a society like it wasn't like people were sneaking around in the dead of night. They were having meetings about it. I wonder what. They had ample time to go. We might be acting a little crazy here. And they just never did. And the women couldn't stop.

Sure. Girls were like, can we stop this? And it was like, nah, we're the guy. That's a good idea. Light her on fire. Witch. Before anybody else talks to her, kill her. I feel like anything I've seen about the witch trials have been witch-related movies and things where witches existed. I want to see a movie or a documentary that's just a real-life approach to it just to hear just how fucked up it was.

Just how women were going around acting stupid so they didn't get lit on fire. Yeah. I don't know how to read. I don't know. Oh, how do i change a tire someone save me change a tire the witches in the 1400s i think it's 1600s but yeah i think the uh the model t was out by then you're all i can do is cook and clean and fuck my husband

I was gonna say if someone was ever like you're a witch I'm setting you on fire I would just be like I will fuck you right these girls got burned at the stake should have just done some more fucking you know that guy won't burn you alive if you bang him right

that's a surefire way to get away with that one just like calling up the mayor and be like, Mayor, we got another one. Make sure you reserve the town hall today because we're going to have to light another one on fire. She was doing math. Could you imagine some girl being like, you know, she's like,

I can see some girl like on the farm being like, you know, like we need, we got two eggs. We need four. We need two more eggs. Oh, fuck. Burn her. She knows how to have the eggs. Burn her. I mean three.

I mean three eggs. Three plus two is four, right? All right. What's your third pick this is now, Nick? Fourth pick? Fourth pick for John. Yeah, if you pull up a list, there's a couple more. I was hoping, I think

you're going to take my pick now when you pull up your list. Ah, yeah, I'm going to. Prime. Ah! Prime is great because it's just like Amazon can and will and is taking over the world. So there's a chance that like uh prime might end up being the only service right they just do it all and

they're and they have good um thing about that's good about i should have taken amazon prime earlier because they have good originals like they are they're putting in work where they're like buying up original people and shit this uh is completely – no, it's not completely off topic. So I was looking at stocks the other day, and it's so frustrating that everyone thinks everyone at Barstool is now – because they've traded stocks. Everyone at Barstool is now a trade expert. The whole internet too. It's not just Barstool.

It's like everybody. It's very frustrating. But this is just like I'm not about to offer stock advice. Why – like how do stock prices happen? Like is it related to... I know that I'm not going to know this answer, and I know it's actually a valid question when you explain it, but the phrasing of how do stock prices happen is very funny.

I asked someone who works in finance this weekend. They're like, you know what? It's a great question. No one ever asked you that? How is General Electric... Who makes the number? Is it because share? There are more shares available, so they're not like i mean why is general electric

13 dollars yeah barstool sports is right what 110 or something like that right and like i mean there i think uh berkshire hathaway is like 150 000 a share to buy into uh really it's yeah it's like it's like six figures dude like i think that's just like a supply and demand thing yeah like like a number of shares available versus – I remember talking to my dad the other day, and he was like – he's like, yeah, pretty good day for me. Our stock price jumped from up to like $1,400, and I was like, wait, you shouldn't be bigger than us,

and we shouldn't be better than General Electric. This doesn't make any sense. But it is – yes, I know what you mean. And I think Amazon at one point over the summer was like $2,700. Oh, no, no, no. Well, at one point, I'm pretty sure at one point it was trading at like $2,000. But it's, yeah, I mean, I don't get who decides that, why, how. But that's why it doesn't really matter.

That's why Dogecoin can be a fraction of a penny. But if it, you know, as long as it triples, your money triples. It doesn't fucking matter what that number is. Berkshire Hathaway is only $250. $250? I think there's also Berkshire Hathaway A and B or something like that, though. There's something to do with Berkshire.

Barstool Sports is not Barstool, it's Penn. We're trading higher than Starbucks? Shouldn't be. This reminds me of the blood alcohol content on Friday Night Pints. Oh, if you haven't watched or listened to Friday Night Pints with Shane Gillis this week, you have to go. I mean, Shane Gillis, I said this. We are about what Apple is. The system's wrong.

The stocks have gone bad. We are $1 less than Apple. Someone should investigate this. This should be the big short too. Barstool Sports is worth what? We gotta burn it down. When we were trying to figure out how blood alcohol content works, which, by the way, I think I figured it out.

So that.77, when we were like, that's like, you would be like 77% blood. It's already percentage. It's already 0.77%. Like when you do 0.77 over a hundred, you're like turning it into a percentage. Whereas this is just already a percentage.

So it's 0.77% on the way to being 1%. I don't think you're right. I also didn't really pay attention. Once numbers. I want you to think I'm a witch. John is like a hot girl. Hot girls just don't do math. If you can do math, you're not hot.

You know what I mean? Hot chicks, math just doesn't compute. I pay for dinner almost exclusively, and I just make people pay the bill I'm not going to do math I paid for this, you do it I pay you right I just slide it over and go give a good dip

alright my pick this is where you get into the nitty gritty here I'm going to go with youtube tv because there's something on there there's something good on youtube tv i remember that and i feel like that's another thing uh you can get the sports on there and there's there was a a couple like comedy specials on there.

I feel like YouTube TV is not as much of an originals as it is just, like, a good streaming service for, like, all your live TV needs. But if you want to do live TV, like, if you want to cut the cord and you're still one of those people who watches channels at times, YouTube TV is, like, the answer. It's, like, the best answer for trying to actually have television like through the internet. Five pick is tough. While you're looking, I can keep going. Okay. Whose dick did Voodoo suck to get on my Roku remote?

It's like Netflix, Hulu, and then Vodoo as like a hot key you know like your Netflix yeah no I think I think mine's Netflix hulu Disney plus yeah mine mine is yeah voodoo like who the fuck uses that let alone is it it's on my remote like when I accidentally why do all the net all the two little channel names have to sound like just fucking stupid fucking names? Yeah. Like is there like. Voodoo, Fubo, Tubi. They're all just.

Why do you sound like an asshole? They're all dumb. But that to me like Roku must own that. Right. Roku and Voodoo. Because it's like. They must. They do.

My old TV has that. But my new TV they kicked it for Disney Plus. Yeah. I guess I got the older version. I'll like lean on it. Like sit on it. And then it's like bloop. I hear that little R older version. I'll lean on it, sit on it, and then it's like, bloop! I hear that little Roku bloop,

and it goes to Voodoo. I think it's just movies, though. I couldn't tell you. Anytime I got to it, I'm like, no, no, get off my screen, Voodoo! I just went to it right now. It probably turns out that Voodoo's awesome. Batman, Songbird, Tenet.

Imagine if Voodoo was the best way to watch movies on the internet. News of the World, Promising Young Woman. I think it's just... You have to buy them, though? I would guess he was a realtor. Yeah, yeah. So I guess if you want to, but whatever. What's your pick?

I'll go Voodoo. Voodoo? I clearly don't use it very often, but I'm looking at that. It's on the remote for a reason. I'm going to have to watch some of these movies, yeah. I'm going to go to round it out. I think I am going to go... It's going to be called Paramount+, but I'm going to go...

It's CBS All Access right now, is what you said. Oh, right. Paramount's going to have... It'll+, but I'm going to go, it's CBS All Access right now, is what you said. Oh, right. And Paramount's going to have, it'll have Yellowstone. CBS All Access, I remember, I was so gassed up. They did a,

I was a big nerd who liked Star Trek, The Next Generation, with Patrick Stewart, and I was like, I'm, I can't fucking wait for this. And then they were like, it's on CBS All Access,

you have to pay six bucks a month, and I was like, fuck that. I didn't like it enough for that. But, if I'm picking out, if it's down to my last pick, and I can't fucking wait for this. And then they were like, it's on CBS All Access. You have to pay six bucks a month. And I was like, fuck that. I didn't like it enough for that. But if I'm picking out, if it's down to my last pick and I can get Picard series and I can get Yellowstone. And I think that is one that's going to be bigger. I think they're going to have all of, I mean, they have all of all CBS stuff. I think it's going to have MTV and Nickelodeon and BET and all this shit from like the past. No, that's a different one.

Are you sure? Yeah. Honestly, I was just looking in the mind. Yeah? That's another stupid fucking name. I think that Paramount Plus is going to be part of that. And Paramount Spike. Oh, if I can get Slam Ball and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge

and all those things from Spike TV, that might be bumped up to my first pick. I'm just going to go home and watch Slam Ball episodes. Fuck yeah. Pluto TV is Comedy Central BET MTV. Pluto, Voodoo, Fubo, Tubo, TV. Fuck you. I'm going to create

a streaming service called Fuck You. Fuck you. Pay me for shows you're not even going to fucking watch. When you brought up the obstacle that it would be to watch Picard, it reminded me of something that happened 35 seconds ago.

We always say that obstacles really get in the way, and I'm like, never mind, I'm not doing it. Just the slightest obstacle, I go, nah, not going to do it anymore. I just went to the bathroom. I didn't pee because I'm wearing boxers without a hole in them.

And I was just like, I'm not gonna unbuckle the bell and everything. I'll just hold it. That is an astoundingly low level of determination. Like, a bodily function that's gonna make you uncomfortable for the next like 30 minutes. All because you just didn't want to. I got in there.

I pulled my fly down. But I'm with you. But I'm with you. It's like those are just crazy. I pulled it. Those are crazy. Nope. It's not.

Nah, fuck it. I mean, that's like when I have the button fly boxers on the pants I'm not going to the bathroom that's like when a girl wears a romper and she's got to get naked in the bathroom tonight I do not pee

if I ever had to wear rompers to be fashionable I would I would be covered in piss do you remember the moment there was a brief moment of romp hims. The romp him. You put that on. I was like, this is not catching on.

Because you know what it does? It makes your dick and balls go to one side. Also, I didn't have the legs for it. I was like, what? Then McAfee tried it on, and I was like, all right. Yeah, well, maybe he could do it. That was the one time you could see our dick and balls. Not the spandex, but the fucking round pim.

All right. Voicemails. This might be a dumb question, but do you guys literally just... Can you say it out loud? Yeah. Do you guys literally just like, it's in both the holes? Huh? You just stick, when you pee... You pull it out through both the holes. Huh? You just stick... When you pee...

You pull it out through both the holes. Wait, both holes? You pull it out through the holes of the boxer and the holes of the jeans. Yeah, oh. Right? Is that what you're asking? Is that what you're asking? When I'm saying it out loud, it sounds like a little dumber. Like, are you asking, like, some people...

He doesn't do it. He doesn't do it. So you're saying, like, do you pull down your pants but then poke through the hole or do you poke all the way through both holes? I didn't realize like you guys just like loop it through both holes. That's crazy. I used to unbutton and pull down and just like pull the boxes underneath and put my dick and balls on top of them. I mean, it is like a very common debate where it's like you go over the fence or through yeah

it's like well you gotta go you you do have to go through both one way you gotta go over through both of them or else you're just peeing in your underwear yeah no well especially when it's got the the the now now they're getting into the popular, like the quick draw fly, the in and out. But when you've got to snake it through, it's a whole thing. The serpentine trap. It's a whole thing. Voicemails today are brought to you by Proactiv. Guys, girls, everybody alike, we've all got to make sure we have nice skin.

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No, definitely not that. Cystic acne, though. Cystic acne. Yeah. Oh, man, it's like, you know, it's leaving scars and scabs, and it's terrible. And some of the other solutions when you were growing up would make your skin dry, and your skin, like, your lips would be falling apart. You'd be going crazy.

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Love it. And the green tea moisturizer. Oh, love it. Uh, and the green tea moisturizer, which I also love a good green tea, green tea, moisturizer, green tea, scents,

green tea. How about just straight up actually green tea? I used, uh, basically all childhood growing up. I did a Paul Mitchell green tea shampoo. Amazing. Unbelievable.

You ever have one of those? No, it was something. It was a green bottle. At least you ever use one of those green rollers? No, I don't like them. You put them in the freezer and you rub it on. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, it's just too cold. I don't care for it.

I mean, pain is beauty, babe. I mean, there's no way it does anything. Yeah, probably not. I'm just rolling ice on my face. I have a feeling that 90% of girls' makeup and creams and lotions and serums don't do anything. They can't possibly.

When they're like dermatologists proven to take like years off your life. I'm like, that's just lotion, bro. Visit proactive.com slash KFC radio. Take advantage of the special offer now. That's proactive.com slash KFC radio. By the way, when are you doing the cystic thing? When I was being wrong moments ago, what is the illness that feels like you're on fire?

I think MS. Multiple sclerosis. Is it MS? I don't know. Maybe cystic fibrosis. No, I don't think it's cystic fibrosis, but I think it's something like that. Can you imagine just like growing up

before that was ever described? Disaster. Fibromyalgia? No. That's fake, though. It disaster fibromyalgia no that's fake though it's fibromyalgia that's fake i got a crazy anus that she has that's fake dude the but like imagine like see see this is this is what i'm talking about you're like i feel like i'm on fire and they're like shut up they're like you look fine like you're not so just chill like that's chill. It feels like my limbs are fucking burning from the inside. I don't know about that. That's the same shit with the mental health stuff. We're not going to go on a whole mental health road,

but it was just like, my brain is telling me to kill itself all the time. You're like, just pull it together. Just tell it to stop. I can't. All right, let's go. What's up, guys? First time, long time. Been listening back to some old KFC radios and was listening to the ones with Reyna,

where she was talking about the text chain that she had with the rest of the group from Parks and Rec. Got me thinking. Also, I listen to Lights, Camera, and Bars still still a lot and they always are talking about their group chats. I was wondering, what do you think would be some of the best group chats to be a part of or just be a fly on the wall? I was thinking like Leo, Brad Pitt, uh, maybe some other people. I don't know, but just curious what your thoughts are. The best group chat available. I mean, you got to think long and hard. I bet you there are people who think, like, our group chat would be cool, and it's not. It's just business stuff. It's just, like, timing and schedules.

So if you could tell me that, like, if we're saying, like, this is, like, they're friendly. I guess that's why you got to pick, like, his choice of, like, if you had Clooney, Pitt. That's a great one. Because they're not really talking business. Anytime they did talk to each other, they'd be, like choice of like, if you had Clooney pit and that's a great one because they're not really talking business. They, anytime they did talk to each other, they'd be like,

you know, talking about like experience. So did I, did I tell on this podcast, by the way, the Brad Pitt, uh, the George Clooney prank.

It's one of my all time favorite pranks. Uh, yes. And you told it to me. I don't think you said in the podcast. I don't think I said on the show. You know? Yeah. At one point when they, I forget what they were. What's when one of my all-time favorite pranks. Yes. You told it to me. I don't think you said it on the podcast. I don't think I said it on the show either. Yeah. At one point, I forget what they were...

It was one of the Ocean movies. Clooney went into Brad Pitt's trailer, I believe. Maybe it was his house. I don't know. Stole his stationery with the letterhead on it, right? From the desk of Brad Pitt. And then sent a letter to Meryl Streep offering her acting lessons. And he just never...

And he never told either of them for years. Like, it wasn't until... I forget what wedding they were at. They were both at someone's wedding, Clooney and Meryl Streep. And he finally told her, like, years later. It was probably Clooney's wedding. Right?

Like, why would they both be there it's a diesel wedding like for years like she was like this motherfucker Brad Pitt that's unbelievable that's so good and then like so unbelievable to be like a prank that was such a casual prank

that he wanted like the best part of the prank is being like it was me. For him to do that and not cash in on it until years later is amazing. How about that story that was in GQ? No, it was a tweet thread. That guy who bled all over Clooney's couch. Did you ever read that? It was awesome.

It was maybe my favorite Twitter thread as far as storytelling goes, except for Zoila the whore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy got a chance to interview Clooney. Did that movie ever come out? I don't think so. That's a good call. It was definitely like... That's going to be

if it ever comes out. That and the GameStop was going to be so bad. It's like, hey, let's take these things that were mildly interesting on the internet for a few days

and turn it into a movie. But Zoila has a trailer or at least a teaser. Oh, did it? I didn't know that. There's a teaser of it. It says 2020. Hold on.

Maybe it did. Who was in it? Anybody famous? No. No. It was a Sundance. I think it did well at Sundance. Really?

It's a good movie. Is it loosely based or it's like, because like, if you just took the idea of like two chicks down and out on their luck and blah, blah, blah,

but if they just, wasn't it just like fucking dudes and robbing people or something like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, how much? I don't know.

Just Spring Breakers 2. Yeah, right mean, how much? I don't know. Just spring breakers, too. Yeah. Right. It's released in Canada and Japan. It'll be out this year on June 30th. All right. This story was like this. Does it have good reviews?

Am I right about that? I'm on Wiki. So guy, I think he worked for GQ, got a chance to interview George Clooney, like at his house in Mexico. Like I think the one where they like made all the tequila and shit and he um got like the interview was at his home and he invited him in and not great like the day before he like the day before the week before he had surgery he like tore up his shoulder or something like that so he's on painkillers and he said he was like fucked up on vicodin i think he had like there's more to the story about why he was so fucked up.

It wasn't just like I had some painkillers. He had like – had drank the night before or drank unknowingly, mixed, whatever it was. He said he's like at George Clooney's house and he's like, oh, fuck. Like I am rocked. This is the reporter who did this? Yes. Okay. So he sits like – Clooney's like, come on in.

Like sit on my couch. And he's conducting the interview and he's doing his best to like hold it together. At one point, he's like, can I go to the bathroom? And he gets up and goes to the bathroom. And I think it was like his elbow that he had surgery on and he popped the stitches. And he looks, he realizes he's like got blood like all over him. And he gets back to the interview and he realizes he's bled all over Clooney's couch. So he like grabs a cushion and like covers it and like gets through the rest of the interview and then just leaves. And he's like, what?

And he was like, I don't know what's going to happen next. Like I bled. I like ruined George Clooney's couch with my blood, which is probably like, you know, $ twenty thousand dollar couch or something like that and he was like uh he's like never heard a word about it nobody nobody ever said anything to me he didn't contact me he didn't contact gq or whatever magazine it was for he was just like never heard a word about it and i can't remember if he said this or if this was about the blog that i wrote which is what i i hope that clooney was like kind of like, was that like that me last night? Yeah, that Leo was that Brad was that reporter was here.

I don't know. Like, hey, like my housekeeper, throw this couch out and get a new one. You know, he probably rolled up like dead bodies in fucking carpet before. Like, get rid of this. I don't know. I love to think of it as just like a well, that's just them's the here in the clutie house that kind of shit happens sometimes cluny likes to drink as much as he says he likes to drink he's definitely seen some shit right like there are plenty of times i wake up and i'm like could have been in a pool of wine fucking flip the table

upside down love it anyway so that those guys their group chat must be awesome um i would like to be on almost any group chat right now led by jonah hill like a jonah hill like led group chat i bet you there's like a jonah hill shia labeouf uh machine gun kelly group chat i bet you there's just something where like a few guys connected on like an awesome one that don't make sense but make sense you know yeah yeah you guys have no few guys connected on like an awesome one that don't make sense, but make sense. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys have no business having connected, but you did one night and now,

but you are also like, oh yeah, those guys would be good friends. Those guys would click, you know? I bet you that, I bet you there's a good like Machine Gun Kelly, Travis Barker, I don't know, someone else in that world. Marilyn Manson. He probably got that, like... Marilyn has left the conversation. The Marilyn Manson stuff, I always thought...

I mean, who would have thought? Who could have seen this coming? But I actually thought he was so dark and evil. And it's not like I personally thought. I just could have sworn I heard the rumor. He's like a teddy bear. He was actually the nicest guy in the world. I could see one or the other, where it's like a teddy bear like he was actually like he was like the nicest guy right i could see one of the other where it's like one is like yeah like that's that is an act or that's or that's like one side of him but the other side of him so nice or it's

like oh yeah no duh that guy's like a masochistic freak right but i don't know his one wife was like that's like not my experience with him like everything we did i'm sure i mean i'm sure they do some kinky fucking but she was i think she was like it was all consensual it was all good like he took care of me so i mean i don't know there's like multiple stories varying but uh but like but i think just just you abused one person no yeah i mean you he could have been good to her and bad to the other one but i'm just saying it was like they're i'm surprised right no no no no no oh no it was uh westworld um yes yes her rachel evan rachel wood yes yeah um but she was and she was young and she i mean it was it was one of those things was like probably you weren't like it was just a bad a bad scene but i also do feel like it's like boy who the fuck would bang

mad at marilyn manson at all yeah okay he's tall terrifying i know girls are so dumb yeah but he's tall he's i can wear heels around him so yeah great go into the goddamn torture chamber next up hey what's up boys so uh just quick hypothetical um just for some context i have like i feel like a fight a bird move is i've been living in the dark in my kitchen for like maybe a year. The lights in my kitchen just don't work anymore. So when I especially get mad drunchies at like 2 a.m. when I'm fucked up and I just want to cook something, I'm literally cooking in the dark. And I have cut myself, burned myself, and many other things.

Doing this, but just continue to deal with it. I can understand the light bulb goes out. You don't change it. When he's not living in the dark, I'm picturing his bed was in there. Yeah, like he's in a cave. When you get midnight snack type munchies, do you cook? No. Yeah, that's crazy, right?

Yeah, yeah. I think we can agree that. If you roll out of bed, you just got an edible, you're high, or you just got the whatever Do you cook? No. Yeah, that's crazy, right? Yeah. I think we can agree that. If you roll out of bed and you're going to add a bowl, you're high, or you just got the... Whatever, you're just hungry. You're not like, let me get out the pots and pans. Let me crack some eggs. Let me start whipping up an omelet. That's crazy. No. But also, as someone who has

cooked in the dark, I can offer you some salvation here. I mean, there's an easy, easy solution to this. You go on. Well, I want to know your easy one. You just open the fridge. Yeah, you prop the fridge door.

You have a built-in flashlight. You have a built-in lantern. It's called the fridge. My last apartment, there were definitely times when the light went out. I do that for everything. You don't have to be cooking. It's like I want to pour a glass. I want to see the selection.

Yeah. I mean, that's almost almost in my mind refrigerator it's like one flashlight 1a keeps things cold to me it's a giant light and that'll never go out right you just take like a case of beer out of the fridge put it on the ground doors open light why do you put the why do you put the beer on the ground because then it gets wider. What? The fridge door is wider, so more light is coming in. Your fridge door automatically closes?

My fridge door stays open. The one in my old apartment? Absolutely. Absolutely. I don't know. It closes on itself? Yeah. I have one that kind of has like a... Because it was so close to the wall, so it would like...

Oh, it hits the wall. You couldn't get past that line. Got it. Of like... Yeah, I'm sure. I think mine currently, there's no wall right there. So I think it could open. And you have one of those big ones. You have like one of those square doors that open.

I have like a skinny rectangle door that opens up. Right, right, right. And it has that like – like it opens this much and then it opens that much. It stays all the way open. But I feel, yes, if you need to prop it open. And then you have plenty of light. Pretty easy. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Sunday.

Not today. We're talking about the lawn care company spring is just around the corner and that means it's time to get your lawn on track uh i remember when i owned a home i moved in and i quickly was like i quickly understood the idea of taking pride in like your your home your lawns appearance. Cause I remember being like, Oh, I'm like the ugly house. You got to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah.

And I don't know how, I'm not going to like go all out, but I don't want it to be like beautiful, beautiful trash people, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You know,

it's like, Oh fuck. So I, I can understand the idea of like, you know, you got to get out there, you got to water the grass, you got to seed the grass,

you got to grow this lawn. But I also do not know what I'm doing. You've got to get out there. You've got to water the grass. You've got to seed the grass. You've got to grow this lawn. But I also do not know what I'm doing. So Sunday is the company you've got to get down with. They use soil and climate data to create a tailored plan for your lawn. So you get the proper soil. You know where you are, what the climate is going to be, and they know exactly what your lawn needs and what it doesn't. It's made with ingredients that you can actually pronounce, not these weird magical science words.

They say it's seaweed. It has iron. It has molasses. So you know exactly what's going into your lawn. Wouldn't have guessed molasses is necessary for good lawn. Could not tell you at all what molasses is. Syrup. But, like, I feel like, you know, it's used as, like, food, but then it's used as, like, lawn care.

I did not know it was used as lawn care. Yeah. To me. Like, is molasses, like, maple syrup? Like, is it in maple syrup? I don't think so. Molasses was important, bro. Yeah. Big problem in Boston. Yeah. Molasses was important, bro. Yeah, big problem in Boston.

Molasses factory exploded. Oh. It wouldn't have exploded, but there was definitely a molasses factory situation. Yeah, we had that triangle. No, what was it called? It was like a shirt factory that blew up here in New York.

I think it was. It was. The Great Molasses Flood in Boston. I think a lot of people died that's the turn just made a dark turn killing 21 injuring 150 was this something like the industrial revolution times yeah 1919 wow yikes anyway molasses it'll make you it'll make your lawn grow really fucking green and big you want to have that thick nice, luscious green grass. And all you got to do is take the ready to use pouch, put on a garden hose and spray. So it's one of those,

you know, like bottles that just screw onto your regular hose. You spray out the molasses and the iron and the seaweed and all the ingredients in this liquid that, uh, that goes on. And, uh,

it takes you diving into molasses to rescue people. Oh, I don't know if I'd be doing that. Would you dive into molasses to rescue people. I don't know if I'd be doing that. Would you dive into molasses for me? Yeah, I would. I actually had a dream. I'm going to tell you about this one second.

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looked at those remember that story i told about the orbeez? Oh, I don't think I told it on this podcast. You know what Orbeez are? No. They are these little tiny pellets. I'm talking like, look like pepper before you grind the pepper. Okay. And you put them in the tub and they grow to like anywhere from like a marble size to like a bouncy ball size. And they're like these gooey ball things that are just like fun for the tub for the kids. I ordered them off Amazon. I ordered a bunch of packs of them and i just let them play with all of them how many do you how many orbeez do you think i put into my tub three thousand fifty five

thousand fifty five thousand orbeez and it just like filled the bathtub and then when they got out I was like how the fuck do I get rid of this so I had to get the colander out and I like strained through and I poured them all into this bag and there's actually a YouTube video of this guy

who just opened the drain and like let them drain out and they were popping up the sewers of his block he like fucked up his whole apartment building he got like sued to pay for everything let them drain out and they were popping up like the sewers of his block. Oh, I think I did hear that. He like fucked up his whole apartment building. He got like, like sued to pay for everything. Anyway, I now have this bag of Orbeez,

big, heavy fucking bag. And I started to think if there was like a pool of Orbeez and you jumped into it, would you like drown in Orbeez? Definitely good. Right. And then I was thinking if you like jumped into Orbeez and you were drowning, would I jump in after you?

Because you remember that story? It was like a famous old school barstool blog about like dark shit. There were these people who remember they drown in like vats of like burning oil shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And someone drowned in the whole family. Yes.

I think it was the tuna. Okay. And I think like the sun fell in and like the mom jumped in to save him and the dad jumped in to save them and then the daughter jumped in like the whole family just died because they were all trying to save and i and i understand i started to understand that looking at the orbeez i was like if someone was in there dying i don't know if i could just be like good luck but if i get in, I'm going to drown too. So if I was stuck in a vat of Orbeez drowning, would you jump in? Yeah.

And you would just drown with me? I mean, I'd try. I would do my best to avoid drowning. Right. But would you be like, 50-50 shot, I don't come out of this, but I got to go try to save him. I would have irrational confidence. I think I'd be like, I'm fine.

And then we would both drown it'd be like you'd find us just with a throat full of Orbeez shitty way to go out all right last voice now let's go what's up KFC fights Nick Jackie so I've been getting a lot into the different podcasts that Barstool has and I

realized that lots of it is run by duos so you know there's two people hosting has, and I realized that lots of it is run by duos. So, you know, there's two people hosting the podcast. And I was thinking in the Hunger Games, the districts pick two people to go fight in the games. And so if Barstool podcast had their own Hunger Games, and it was teams of two, and obviously KFC and Fights are a team, who would win out of all the duos and podcasts at Barstool and what would your strategy be to win? Viva. It's a true story, by the way. I remember talking to Erica about business plans

and strategies and stuff. You can obviously make it on your own. I think a lot of people, more in the comedian world where you're standalone, a lot of people do. But in our world, you kind of do need a partner. Even Troops could have done it alone, but he linked up with Zah and just having someone to bounce off of. like a lot of people do but in like our world you you kind of do need like a partner yeah even even like like troops was could have done it alone but like he linked up with za and just having someone

to like bounce off of uh i think there's a reason i couldn't if i did like a solo podcast an hour episode would be about 45 minutes of silence because i would just i would just hit record and i would sit there until i thought of something like i i can't like like you you are good at just like just feeling filling air yeah i'm not i'm just like well i gotta i'm out of things wouldn't that be funny if that was a podcast and then you just had like your viewers would place bets on like what minute mark john talks be like a good like pen gambling thing it's like over under 36 minutes before john talks it would just be like me like scrolling, scrolling Twitter. Going, huh. Being like, this fucking guy. Be a great episode.

Be a great entertainer. Who? What guy? Ah, you don't want to know. It's an old fucking thing. It would take a long time to explain. We don't have enough time here. I think we have also had, like, done variations of these questions, like Barstool Hunger Games.

Been a few years since we've done it. I mean, you know, it depends on what the challenge is. You know, Hunger Games is pretty much like physical survival. I'm not great at that. If there's some level of like puzzle and intelligence, I might be of use. I'm of no use to you if we're just like in the jungle fighting. I would say obviously Bustin' with the Boys would be a tough one. That'd be tough.

I don't know if Gillilly and Wallow can fight. Wallow. Give Wallow a gun, obviously. We're in trouble. That's what he went to jail for. It's facts. It's facts. I don't know.

I imagine if you're playing with guns, you can kind of fight, too. You know what's going to happen? They're going to challenge us to a fight now because you said that. Just for the record, I don't want to fight Gillo and Wally. Wallow and Gilly. I think they could beat me up. You could probably beat them up. They could probably beat me up.

Dion's podcast. Dion's obviously pretty tough. He's pretty athletic. I mean, PMT, like Dan's big and PFT is like built like a fucking rock. Yeah. That picture of him with his broken nose. His nose was really broken. That shit was broken. yeah i whoever his doctors are modern medicine is is magical because like i would have been like oh that dude's nose is fucked for life yeah they just put it back um you know who

scares me obviously not for like physical fight but the because we got high trio i was gonna say because we got high i would not fuck with those girls yeah led by that psychopath kelly ria in the back like this long island bitch and a mass hole you got like like a like a like this wannabe diva bitch leading the mass hole and a long island girl like watch out that they scare me uh yeah mean, anytime we're talking about physical fighting or whatever, you'd have to worry about going deep. Yes. Monster. Willie is... Just monster.

Willie, dude, I was in the gym with... And he's Bowser. Yeah. He literally looks like... That picture of him putting, he literally looks like Bowser. I feel like if I need... The only way I could beat Willie is if I grabbed him from behind and I spun him around and threw him off of a fucking cliff.

It's the only way to beat him. You have to throw him into exploding Mario 64 bombs. But, yeah, those are the highlights there. Well, maybe tweet at us at KFC Radio. Let us know who you think the toughest Barstool duo or podcast is. Let's get into our interview now with Joel McHale. Good to get Joel back in the game. Joel is one of our favorites because he's kind of just an asshole like we are.

Looking good these days. He's always been a good looking guy, but he's got that haircut now, shaved on the sides a little bit. Not all the way shaved, though, where you get into that dicey area. Short on the sides, nice flow on top. The fact that he's going to be 50 is fucking nuts. He's like a male J-Lo. You always talk about the Christy Binkley's and the J-Lo's

and the girls who are aging backwards. Joel McHale is a fucking – and he's actually tall. He's one of those Hollywood midgets. Yeah. He's a wild guy. He's talking about Battlestar Galactica on the episode. I feel like just the crossover back in the day of like college football players and Battlestar Galactica

fans was probably pretty small he's been married for 25 years he says if he wasn't watch out that guy would be doing numbers and a lot of them today's interview is brought to you by Upstart you can lower your monthly payments on your debt

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Man, you're looking good. I just saw an Instagram video of you with Anthony Anderson, and I was like, shit, he's looking good. But that was when you were on makeup and on camera and everything. This is just for a stupid Zoom with us. I got the ring light, dude. The ring light changes everything. Where is our ring light actually?

It's somewhere. I'm going to look like an ugly asshole. I can see the lighting is coming straight down on your heads. Awful. Like, look at that. That can't possibly look good for us. And yet we do have a ring light that is just not on. We use it other times, but not for our big stuff.

You have a ring light that's just sitting there not being used? We just turned it on. I don't think it does anything. And it's like 20 feet away from us, so it's not going to do anything right now. Yeah, the ring light, I mean, my ring light is maybe three feet away from my face. That's how they work. You can't have them. They're totally useless.

That would be like someone going to hot this room. Yeah, and they would be like, it's hot in the room. Here, I have a hand fan. They should cool the room down. No, it's got to be right up close. Especially when you need, like, a lot of work, you know? Yeah. It can't work miracles, folks.

It's still just a light. I'm not a light away from looking. No, we need a lot more work than that. Look at this. This is the best part of the ring light is that it goes, oh, you can change the color. See the tone? Yeah. There's like a little almost like a blue hint to it.

Yeah, you can do the blue. You can go, oh, it's warmer. Oh, it is. It feels like you're on a beach now. Yeah. Oh, man. It's just heating up here. Anyway, you got to put that right over this camera, guys.

Again, though, the thing about it is right now what we can do is say, the lighting's not good. If we set the ring light up and you still look like a bag of shit, you're out of excuses. Now you're just an ugly person. Well, you could just test it out. I guess so. I mean, ring lights.

But here's the thing, Joel. It's all the way over there. It's so far away. You know what? There's a plug that we got. It's just a thing, you know? I get that. I get that.

I mean, you guys got all dressed up for this interview, so I get it. You put that huge effort in. We're channeling our inner Sudeikis from his acceptance speech last night. Did you see that? I have not watched. So he won a Golden Globe. Oh, good for him. It looked like he had been indulging in some marijuana,

but he was wearing just like a hoodie and just kind of hanging out, which I think everyone's kind of like, oh, my God, isn't that like so wacky? I think it's way more weird to be dressed up in like a tuxedo to sit on your couch at home yeah i wonder how what the because then you know joaquin phoenix was in the studio and kind of he wore like black jeans a dress shirt a tie and then a sweatshirt and sneakers it's all yeah it's all like he dressed like a manager at a movie theater in 1989 uh and i guess when you get to his level you're like i won the oscars so i can dress like this he's also one of those once he does something people will be like what's the what's the inner meaning of that what's he it's like i don't know man i want to put on the black that's one of the

greatest scams all the time when he just went quote unquote crazy yeah and then it was just like nah never mind i was doing a movie and did anyone ever see that movie no i don't i don't think there was a movie i think he just said that that's one of those ones yeah if you got this thing going like a bit where you're like i'm crazy i'm a different person and then it doesn't do well and then you're like oh now you look like just a weirdo yeah nobody saw that thing i just like when you like he makes he's wearing like black jeans which kind of look like a suit pants and then you put on the dress shirt then the tie then the sweatshirt so i was like you're making is it's you either just go full you either dress up or you don't but yeah tween stuff looks like it's like you're you can

see the effort right and you're trying to appear as if you're putting no effort into it which is the worst actually i think it's either effort or no effort but to be like look at me this is just natural and you know it's not, then you're the asshole. Right, and that's more thought than somebody who puts on a tuxedo, because people at that awards ceremony go like, well, I have to wear a tuxedo. That's crazy. Dude, I know it's weird times, and we don't know what to do, but if you're just sitting on your couch at home, to be in a $5,000 suit or something is nuts. Cause everyone, I actually think it would be more interesting if we did see what all you guys,

you know, I want to see you in, you know, Eugene Levy's fucking when he wears like pajamas. I mean, that's just his clothes. They didn't have a wardrobe on Schitt's Creek. That's just what,

I'm sorry, not Eugene. Yeah. I mean, those guys just that they're not acting, but yeah, I mean, I think Sudeikis was like the normal one out of the bunch,

but I get it. You can't. It's Hollywood. You can't wear a sweatshirt. Oh, my God. Yeah, the woman who won, the Korean woman that won the best show, she was just sitting at her desk in a T-shirt with ponytails, and I was like, there you go.

Love it. You just won. Celebrities, they're just like us. Not really. No, like ponytails. And I was like, there you go. Love it. You just won. Celebrities, they're just like us. Not really. No, you're not. No, really not. Definitely not, dude. Not even like remotely.

Come on, look at the ring light. You have been busy, huh? Like in a year, in a time. I say no to nothing. That's the way you go. You're like Jack of Hollywood. Yes. The general?

Sure. I'll do it. Whatever. Yes. I mean, in a time where a lot of people are not working or afraid or no business, you are putting in work, homie. It's good to see. My philosophy was all the A-list celebrities saw this as a de facto vacation.

And all the C and D and F-ers, celebrities, we're picking up all the- Now's the time. All the crumbs. Just say yes. So yeah, I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll sell it. I'll sell anything it's great

yeah i i feel like the the best i mean the goal is to win your awards and you know do the craft and all that but man if i could land one of those like timeless commercial roles where you just do like 10 straight years of the same jingle and the same catchphrase and all that can you hear me now progressive insurance yeah i mean i that to me is the pinnacle of acting is to become a nice for you to think that i'm just going after rewards because if that's the case it's bad it's it's failure that's great but you need more volume yeah you know like i think i think it was like between snoop and like jamie fox and these guys that were like when they're they're like you can't do a game show you're a movie or whatever it is they're like why why can't i and they did and then everyone was like oh we can we can do that oh yeah

yeah the game show thing i think is awesome i mean that to me is like everybody grew up watching them or still watches them today like everybody has a game show they love or can relate to or whatever yeah it's a weird thing because they're so popular. And for forever, since they were made, it was always considered kind of like a second class, like, oh, you're a game show? Right. You're doing that.

Oh, well, we're doing. And then, you know, again, like Jamie Foxx came along and just like, yeah, I'm doing it. Yeah. And they're like, but you're an Oscar winner. Yeah, I don't care. I want it. It sounds fun. These are stupid rules rules and then all the rules got erased and uh even my

like my publicist that's right my publicist uh they were like the rules have changed so much even since you know like 15 years ago if you if you had said an oscar winner will be posting a game show people like oh i don't think so and now it And now it's kind of like, now you need to go get your game show. Well, even like the television movement in general, when it was like if you do movies, you don't do the small screen. And now I think it's like the total opposite. If you can land a hit show or a big series, that's the dream. I remember being completely floored

when mcconaughey did true detective right i was like matthew mcconaughey's doing a tv show on hbo i think that was like kind of the turning point was woody and mcconaughey doing you know and i mean granted it was hbo and and still like you know major budget and stuff but that is to me right now if you could if you could be a part of the big best picture and you're the leading man, or you have a series that is the next Game of Thrones or something, what are you picking? Oh, I'll say yes to everything. Yes. Yeah, no, I think the lines are totally blurred now.

And that's a good thing because the quality has never been higher and that start you know that like when when cable now it's like 10 years ago or eight years ago started coming on with the mad men and and like battlestar galactica all of a sudden people went oh uh they make television just as good or better than anybody and like the walking dead is probably the greatest example of such a runaway hit and quality programming uh that it all flipped and and i think that is a good thing um because it allowed for massive budgets for real stuff to get made and quality different scripts so i i can't i know when now people are like oh network television is dead and blah blah i was like i don't know more people are

watching now than ever yeah that's an interesting way to put it yeah uh yeah so they just miss it how it used to be like there was only three networks and we got 60 million people it's like yeah okay i sure but we don't have i we don't have ice boxes anymore we don't get ice deliveries how it used to be. It's like, there's only three networks, and we got 60 million people. It's like, yeah, okay. Sure, but we don't have ice boxes anymore. We don't get ice deliveries. They always say that when they're trying to say how baseball's a dying sport. They're like, in the 1947 World Series, 68 million people watched.

It was the only thing on TV. The only option. They didn't have any other options. People are still baseball fans. It's just there are more channels now. It's also insane that your two great shows off the rip are Mad Men and Battlestar Galactica. Those are your two frame of reference? Those were showing the diversity of the quality, my friend.

Battlestar Galactica is one of those shows people will like rip your face off if you're a Battlestar Galactica fan and people talk badly about it, Obama watch out they will kill you it's incredible I love that show so much and when it came on I I just thought oh

this show was made specifically for me and what a nerd you are Joel Mcckale fucking nerd you're a weird guy i'll kill you i'll hate you uh yeah i think the other one was like i watched spartacus blood and sand for every season it was on and another one of those shows that out of nowhere just changed the landscape again and and i yeah i yeah i know a kid who wrote on that he was uh he's like my age we were coming up and i think it was one of his first like real writing gigs and i remember him talking about it being like i got this you know it's on stars it's kind

of this like weird little show and then like you know his whole life changed because of that that was like his first you know real yeah gig and it was i mean that's another big one it put stars on the map and not just being you know kind of a second class movie channel and all of a sudden it was like oh we're going to be great we're going to change overnight and you think like I mean that's what AMC did the same thing

again Mad Men and Walking Dead overnight it was like American movie classics coming up next is a Gary Cooper romp that you haven't seen and i'm like yeah we're just gonna we're changing there are just no rules i'm watching snow piercer on tnt it's like to me that used to just be basketball and like cartoons and law and order law and order on repeat and now you know you can catch like good original programming it's and anybody who still plays by the rules is just, you're just going to get dusted, you know? You guys watching the boys on Amazon? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Shit is amazing. And that, too, like the fact that, you know, quote, unquote, nerdy stuff between Marvel and Thrones and the Battlestar Galactica type, like that's taken over. That's now mainstream. That's not like niche nerd. That's what's popular. It's crazy. Yeah. mainstream that's not like niche nerd that's what's popular it's crazy yeah well i think

obviously kevin feige proved uh through marvel that it's not just a bunch of it's yeah it's comic books but we are going to make them the most popular thing on the planet and you got to get in on that man yeah i mean right did you the rundown that they put out of like the marvel projects in the next you know two years or whatever, I think it's like 10. It's long, but it's comical. It's so crazy. There's got to be some gigantically tall, lanky superhero fucking role for you, no?

You almost look too much like a superhero. Yeah. Well, I'm 25 years too old to be one of their... I could be an aging... Well, I'm on a superhero show right now, or I was last year, I'm 25 years too old to be one of their, I could be an aging, well, I'm on a superhero show right now, so, or I was last year, called Stargirl. Thanks for watching. Yeah. We interviewed you about it, and you're like, I'm not even really in it, so.

Yeah, you don't think, you asshole. Do what I did there? I let you in, and then boom. Come on. And then just like, no. I think at one point during the interview, like, I don't even know why I'm promoting this. I'm not even and then boom. Come on. And then just like, no. I think at one point during the interview, like, I don't even know why I'm promoting this. I'm not even in this show. I was like, oh.

Nobody promotes worse than Joel McHale. Your publicist that you speak of must hate you because when you do these interviews, you're like, yeah, I don't care about promoting. Let's talk about you, weirdos. And you just start bothering John. You don't ever actually promote the shows you're on i use passive aggression to uh to get people to watch what i mean they're like see wait now i should watch it because he's not being yeah yeah no i do kind of like it works with me where it's like all right he's not jamming it down my throat and he does seem like a cool guy let me check out what he's watching and if they're too

effusive about it they're like maybe this is not good and although i remember what jamie foxx there is again he was promoting um stealth and uh he he was kind of like yeah it's a popcorn movie it's fine and i was like wow right to the chase on that one huh huh? I was like, he did not really like that movie. Those are the best movies. Popcorn movies are hands down the best movies. Who were we talking to recently that said, like they were saying that in a good way, where they were just like, yeah, man, it's just like made to, you know, for people to enjoy. It was fucking, who was it? Anthony Mackie did kind of say that.

It was Anthony Mackie. Yeah, yeah, with Falcon Winter Soldier. No, he was from the Netflix show. It's just a good fucking time. You're going to enjoy it. You're going to like it. Lots of things go boom. I'm down.

It does get a little or maybe it just gets too monotonous sometimes when people are like, this was a really important project. There we go. You did it for money, right? Okay. And everybody knows the important ones.

Like, you know, there are certain ones where you're like, oh, wow, they were, you know, they were saying some shit. There's a message. Yeah. And there's like one or two of them like a year. Not everything is an important project. Shut up. I remember seeing an interview with humphrey bogart they were asking him about uh not the uh from like 1923 yeah yeah no this is the night in the

1940s casablanca they asked him about casablanca and they were like did you know that you were making such an important movie that could you feel and he was like i don't know i was like it was kind of like i was the next one I was making, and I knew I was going to make like three more. So after that, I just did it. And I was like, yep, just doing his job. Jordan Peele talks about that. He snuck into – there was a class at UCLA, I think, and they were –

it was a class like based on – the whole class was get out. And he snuck in and just sat in the back of the room and listened to them guess what what images meant and what like symbolism there was in the movie he's like i was in the back of that theater like no i did not none of that bushes in a certain way at the house like if you want to give me the credit for it i'll take take it, but I was not doing that. That's funny. Getting to that level is amazing. Yeah, imagine if the kids turned around and saw him there.

And he was like, you're all bullshit. You're all fucking wrong. I'm just doing my job. But once you get to that level... Knowing the kids, they would have been like, you're wrong, Mr. Peel. So this movie and the last one we were talking, last time we spoke we were talking about Becky, and now we have Happily, and they both are a wild ride, man.

I mean, this new one, I still don't really know what the fuck's going on based on the trailer. You do a lot of fucking in it. A lot of fucking. That's got to be awkward, no? There's a lot of simulated sex with a person who's not's got to be awkward no there's there's a lot of uh simulated sex with a person who's not my wife so how does that go over at home yeah is it all professional i let her know what it like i'll i'll be like there's a lot of you know

i don't it's not a surprise for her that i don't okay look at this and And so, I mean, she knew the script. I was like, here's what happens. But the story is really good, I think. So that's why I'm not doing, like, nine and a half weeks or the next week, the sequel. But I was kind of like, it's a different take on, yeah. So I wouldn't say it's a, like, it didn't go to this movie going, like, it's a different take on. Yeah, so I wouldn't say it's like it didn't go to this movie going like it's a super sexy movie. It was about, you know, the premise is that this married couple still has sex every single day and they don't think it's weird. Wasn't it 25 times a day?

No. Did I mishear that? I could have sworn he says that. No, you misheard that. When they show up with the shots, I thought he was like, you guys have sex. Maybe you just have sex 25 times more often. I could have sworn there was a 25 in there. Every day is much better than 25 times a day.

Don't give up this. Yes, don't give up this argument. From the man in the movie. But I'm just saying that 25 times is too much. I'll say it. The idea that it is that far-fetched to be married and continue to have sex. I think it's probably some commentary on how how bad marriages can go sometimes where it's like, you still sleep with your wife. Yeah. If you don't tend if you don't work on the relationship, then you're not going to reap the benefits.

So I thought it was like such an interesting like take on it we're like yeah it's about a married couple that really likes each other right stop having fun and their friend and the you know and their friends hate them for it so uh and then of course stephen root shows up and uh we accidentally kill him we think we're not sure and that's the kind of jumping off point because we think it's a prank we think. We're not sure. And that's the kind of jumping off point, because we think it's a prank. We think we accidentally killed this guy. They were like, oh crap, our friends were playing a joke on us

and we killed him. So we're trying to figure out how to get away with, you know, murder. And so yeah, no, and Carrie Boucher, she's a dynamo of an actor. So I I just hope I could keep up with her.

You always do this. You always like, you know, you're so humble. Just shut the fuck up. That's true. I don't know how I do it. The the the scene where like the one couple I was like, yeah, we hate you. We all we all fucking hate you. I related to that. Yeah, I think everybody. I mean, I think that the happy couple, as long as, listen, there's the happy couple and there's the happy couple who, like, smashes it in your face all the time and they're posting the pictures and they're probably lying about how happy they are.

That couple is annoying. But, yeah, I think that, you know, anybody, especially if you are not happy and you are in one of those, like, blah relationships, the people who are happy, it's like, man, who the fuck do they think they are? Where did they get off being happy with their lives? That's how it goes, right? Yeah, I mean, I think that can obviously happen in real life. Obviously, this is a heightened version where everybody hates them. But yeah, I think when people do that, when they start resenting that,

it's like, yeah, it's from your jealousy of not addressing something that's happening in your relationship. But I like the whole thing because I've been married now and it'll be 25 years this summer. What? I got married when I was two.

25? We've been married 25 years this summer. What? I got married when I was two. 25. How fucking old are you? Oh, I'm 71. How old do you think he is? You don't look old at all. I would have guessed you're like mid-40s. Is this like just for men in the beard or is that natural?

You got a little gray hair. Did I place the hair uh yeah no i'm 49 so wow 50 he's not gonna look like he's 50 next year that's when no hgh really helps i've been thinking about that by the way don't do it why it's uh there's side effects and. That's how you really did. You know, it grows every,

you did, you've done it. No, I'm saying you really did. You're like, yeah. Why do you think I'm, why do you think I'm nine feet tall?

I have learned like when people like, how do you stay in shape? I was like, oh, right. You stay in shape by exercising every day. But that's the thing. How do you look?

People was like, how do you look people was like how do you like keep the it was like yeah i just exercise my goal is like 40 to an hour a day now i do hate you now i do hate you yeah fuck you but you guys have time for you you have a joel we do a podcast yeah i can't possibly have time on our hands. Well, it sounds like a great idea for one of your next podcasts should be exercising for an hour during the podcast. I have thought the only way I would do, the only way I will continue to work out is if I make it work. Because I don't work out, but I am kind of a workaholic. So if I'm like, the next episode I have to do some workouts. That's the only hope I have. Otherwise, zero willpower.

Zero. How old are you? Like 51? I will be 36 in a week. Less than a week. I'm so sorry. No, Ryan, so you're still very young and you're also about the same age.

I'm 32. Damn. All right. You guys look great. No. You're still at that younger age. You always do this to us. Yeah.

No, it's fine. It's fine. You're gone. I'm just going to cover my face. I'll do the rest of the interview like this. You make me feel very good. No. But you're at that younger age where you still don't, you know,

you probably eat mostly what you want. No, we're turning the corner. You know what has been a real low point for me? I wake up now in pain where I'm like, oh, I've been like still for too long. And like my hands are like stiff and my knees are hurting. I'm like just from laying down, dude, come on. Yeah. If you're standing up and pulling muscles,

then just getting out of a chair, you're like, oh! I notice every time I get up, every time I sit down, it's like weird noises just from moving the body. It's not great, Joel. I had a really bad

lower back, and I was like 35. I'm going like hold on guys and uh a trainer said uh she was like i was working on this movie and she was like oh i'll fix your back in a week and i was like and then she did i started she goes like you just need to strengthen your lower back muscles she's like it's your lower back right it was like yeah she goes yeah your muscles are weak there. You need to strengthen them. I'm like, oh, that makes way too much sense. Right.

I know. And so then I've been working on that ever since, basically. And it is that stupid thing you use. I mean, that use it or lose it, which sounds so stupid. But I'm like, oh, yeah. If you don't work it out, then it just goes away. Same thing with the sex life in a marriage, to tie it back to happily. If you don't use it, you lose it. Exactly.

So my wife and I, my wife is a big yoga person, but yes, so I'm always insecure that she's going to not find me attractive anymore. So I'm like, I'm sure that's the case. I'm sure that's what's happening at home. This is a stupid podcast. As a whole, for seven years it's been a dumb podcast. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard on the show. Fuck this guy.

You're like the supermodel girl who's like, I'm not pretty. It's like, fuck you. Well, like many supermodels, the self-loathing is way up there. That I can identify with. Yep, yep, I get it. Yeah, that carrot is always unreachable.

So, you know, when you look in the mirror, there's those moments you're like, look pretty good. And then you're like, it's over. Now imagine life where you don't have any of those first moments. It's always just the second thing. Imagine that. It's always it's over? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess that would just be clinical depression. Yep. Bingo. We got there. We have a winner. And there's our weekly depression quota. Check that off.

Yes, sir. Bam. Yeah. If I get eight hours or close to eight hours, I usually get like six and a half. If I get a good seven hours of sleep, I feel like I could take on the world. If I get four and a half, I was like, I'm ending my life today. This is not worth it. I was like, this is definitely not worth it.

We've been doing this thing, these whoop bracelets. You wear it on your wrist and it like tracks your sleep habits and your heart rate and your breathing rate. All this, you know, everything. And when you see how unhealthy you are put into like numerical form, it's staggering. We have analytics for how big a piece of shit you are. and i'm like oh no no this this is this thing's broken it's you know not calibrated right and they're like no no no it's oh i gotta get does it actually have a like on your phone does it register like you're a piece of shit it should honestly that should it doesn't say in so many words but it's like you slept uh your recovery last night was

13 and i was like i i had one time it'll give you push notifications of like when you should go to bed i had one time at 10 p.m it said i should go to bed and sleep until 4 p.m the next day and then you'll be ready to function i did a thing today so so we're filming this video for work and they wanted it to be like he's been working out a lot and I have not been So they wanted to do a funny bit with me Where they showed my heart rate So you're going to be working out and your heart rate is going to be through the roof

And then I'm just sitting at my desk eating My sitting heart rate was 103 Just sitting at my desk I was like I don't think this is going to be the comedic effect you guys expected Maybe in a different way Does it monitor wine consumption? Yeah that's the problem too I don't think it knows that you're telling you to sleep till 4 p.m because they don't know that you were like blacked out the night before well i it's not like it does

you can answer it you can say like oh i had seven drinks last night and then it's like okay never mind it's 70 70 recovery you're doing much better than we thought. Then the bracelet leaps off of your arm and jumps off a dock. Yeah. Great. Well, I mean, you're a whiskey guy now, right? You're an official Maker's Mark model? Thank you. Yes, I sell Maker's Mark.

In the tub, man. Yeah. Yeah, they made me delete the second post. We were going to ask about that. People were like, was it too hot? Because I was wearing underwear in it. But they were like, no, you can't.

We don't want to show. I guess this is for a lot of alcohol companies where they're like, there's a lot of people that misuse alcohol in water situations and we don't want people to think that. And I was like, it is a bubble bath it doesn't fit me but and i got i was like that's fine i took it down but uh but you know it was one of the yeah my wife was like what the hell's going on i'm like this is this bad and so yeah we actually did we filmed uh an alcohol commercial the other day

and uh i learned it was water in the glasses although we ended up putting vodka in it because it took so long um and uh but they uh they were like you can't drink on tv no isn't that crazy yeah it's not like you couldn't couldn't have a sip of it in general weird like it is a weird thing they're like well, well, you can sell as much alcohol as you want, but you definitely can't drink it. And then I was just like, what do you think? What do you think is happening to it?

Everyone just buys it and dumps it down the drain. Is that, is that just commercials or like any, like if you're filming a movie, like sometimes I'll see a scene where, you know, guys are partying in a movie and I'm like, I wonder if maybe they just actually did have a couple of drinks and like

that was real. Is there never any drinking allowed on any sort of set? Oh, well movie. And I'm like, I wonder if maybe they just actually did have a couple of drinks. And like, that was real. Is there never any drinking allowed on any sort of set? Oh, well, I mean, that's, I mean, no, I'm talking for commercials only. Right, right. Okay. And I don't know if that, that's gotta be the, I don't know if that's the booze company or not, or the, I don't know. It could be on camera because I don't, I'm not sure,

but it might be a combination of both. You can obviously drink on camera if you're in a show. Does that happen a decent amount? Oh, no, I'm talking about in a scene, you can pretend to drink. Obviously, you see that all the time. I don't know what the legality is. I think you can drink. I don't know what the legality is.

I think it's got to be illegal if you're if you're consuming in a public area right or you well what was funny was doing maybe i you know what i don't know it's if you're at a private company like these production companies are all private we were i mean obviously you hear about actors all the time drinking on camera so or drinking just to get the to help them to get the liquid courage so uh that i'm i know that happens we were doing this commercial where it was like the idea was we have real paid actors who are commercial people and then we were supposed to be like the easter eggs in it and so we have like four professionals who were just like drinking the water and then we were all like there's no vodka in mine where's the vodka like You goddamn idiots. This is not allowed. You're not here to just get shit-faced

for our commercial. Well, if that... I... Because if you start drinking and you have a long day ahead of you, you could just fall asleep and be useless. I did a match

game. The first time I did a match game with Alec Baldwin hosting. They they're like we encourage you to have it's a party and they were like here's a bar there's a bar and so they were like what would you like in your cup and i was like they had really nice white wine i'm like i'll take the white wine and then i realized i was there for like three shows and like three glasses in by the beginning of the second show. And I'm like, oh, you need to slow down. You're going to get it. If you end up drinking two bottles of wine, you're an insect.

Then everyone's like, what's going to happen? And, you know, it's one in the afternoon. So I learned my lesson real quick. I was like, you can't. People are enjoying themselves. I've gone back to the show. I'm like, you can't. People are enjoying themselves. I've gone back and shown them. Just, you know, pace it out. Maintain.

Do not get to the don't. Get right there. So, yeah, there you go. Anyway, what was the booze you guys were selling? New Amsterdam vodka. Ah, New Amsterdam vodka. It's not the old Amsterdam. It's brand new.

There you go. Good luck on defeating Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, when are you going to come out with your own? Everybody's got to have a liquor now, man. Or, you know what you can do? Do the weed. Seth Rogen just came out with his weed company. Weed is next, man.

Joel McHale weed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying that Seth Rogen smokes weed? Who knew? Who would have guessed? He said it's been 10 years in the making. I'm like, what took so long? Why did it take 10 years?

Let's go. It's age. It's age. And he's a producer on The Voice. That's right. Oh, yeah? I didn't think I knew that. Yeah.

Cool. I go by Adam Carolla's model for weed. This is what he said in the 90s when he was on Loveline. He was like, if you're super smart, you can smoke a bunch of weed because it makes you average. If you're average, you can't smoke a bunch of weed because it makes you stupid. And I was like, oh, yeah. You can't smoke it. And what if you're stupid?

Then I feel like you can't smoke weed because who cares if you're stupid or really stupid. Yeah, then, yeah, forget it. So let's go smoke some weed. Yeah, then you're – yeah, no, I drink enough wine that I was like – and my wife was like, don't start doing that too because that's – and then I'm just going to be – I'm going to have to buy a gigantic spatula and pry you off the floor at night. Yeah, I'm not going to do that.

I just – my problem is that I'll drink a glass of wine, and it'll be 11.30. I'll be like, I can play Call of Duty for a little bit, and then – Five hours later. Then two in the morning. Then it's two in the morning and then i'm like i'll be fine i'm yelling at no one no one's away yeah i'm like i'll be fine well you seem to be doing fine man work is good and and uh we always appreciate you coming through

so the new movie is happening god bless it's it looks like an absolute trip. March 19th. March 19th. Everyone go check it out, and we'll see you next time, brother. Yeah, and watch Stargirl because I am on it this year. All right, man. Have a good one. Go download. Really, thanks, you guys. Someday I'll be in the studio again and it'll be wonderful.

Please do, man. Thanks a lot. Get the ring light ready. Right, yeah. Guys, come on stay tuned alright good to see you guys I've got some issues that nobody

can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the life of you it's only life this is the soundtrack to the life. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.