KFC Radio - Joey Camasta Asked His Ex For a Golden Shower Ft. Out and About Boys and Mike Cannon

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

- The guys come out and admit that they actually have been making girls c*m this whole time - Joey and Pat (the Out and About boys) come on to talk about Asian fetishes, golden showers, s*cking your own d*ck, and much more - Carmen Electra made an Only Fans - AITA - sexy dancing in front of neighbor - Video Voicemails - going on a weekend away with bf's brother - sleeping in a random man's trailer / most Jackie moment - Mike Cannon Interview on Kipp Rusty Walker who did a SHOCKING thing on stage, not dying from tornadoes and other natural disasters, taking bottled up emotions out on other people, and much more +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - We can make girls c*m 26:15 - Joey and Pat 1:09:28 - Carmen Electra Only Fans 1:24:54 - AITA 1:34:47 - Video Voicemails 1:53:34 - Mike Cannon Interview 00;24;48;25 01;06;26;02 01;33;20;11 01;51;57;04 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Mugsy Jeans: Use promo code KFC for 10% Off your entire order at https://barstool.link/Mugsy Roman: Go to https://barstool.link/Romankfc to get $10 off when you choose a monthly plan. Simplisafe: Customize the perfect Simplisafe system for your home at https://barstool.link/SimplisafekfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yeah, I told him, I told him, cool, cool, cool, cool. I used to fucking ask him. Now I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this

I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this I'm ready for this that today. Really? Today was the day where I was like, this is becoming a thing now. Wait, like literally? Not like a talk. I just walk around. I almost tweeted today, like, try to get some people to help me. Like, let's have a good day. I hate that.

Great morning. Great morning, people. Rise and grind. Hey, y'all, I really need you today. Yeah, but I was thinking about it because I don't know if for whatever reason the last, like, maybe it was yesterday or this morning. I don't know when it was, but it was recently, like within the last day or two. And I was just like the last several mornings had been just dick. Just dick mornings.

Dude, I think we fucking, we have like, we're like our cycle. Our cycle. It's like, yeah, it's like girls' periods, our depression. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. All week. All fucking week. All week. All week. We have like Our cycle It's like yeah Like girls periods Our depression Yeah Yeah All week All fucking week All week All week

I was so happy When I texted you this morning Like yo we're recording at 1 right Yeah Cause I've been wanting to just Lay on the couch in my underwear For like longer Yeah

Dude I fucking just Walk around my apartment Like a fucking 2000 Ravens game Just like Let's go man Let's go Clap it up

Clap it up boys I it up, boys. I remember, dude, I once watched this guy, a power lifter. He smashed his wrists together. He went, big explosions. Big explosions. I'm sitting there trying to do that just to go to work. But I don't know. Yeah, we must be on our same depression cycle.

Dude, even just doing that hurt my wrists. I'm not cut out for this shit. I almost wanted to say, like, you know, last few days have sucked, but I'm going to make an honest effort to have a good one today. Like, who's with me? And I was like, but it does sound so much like that Rise and Grind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for another day.

And all those kids are in jail now. Yeah, fuck them. 74% of kids who tweeted Rise and Grind are in jail now yeah fuck them if you did 74 of kids who tweeted rising grinder in jail right now for sure or or like you know our our schemers scammers and bad or they will be in jail or at least 74 of people who tweeted rising grind are in the penal system of some kind so i i uh i tried but i i think i failed yeah Yeah. Oh, I failed big time, bro. I failed big time. Is this on the show or is this just too long?

No, no. This is definitely part of it. This is it. This is the show. And that's it. The show's over. Come get tickets to Philly. We're super depressed.

Hey, you guys live in Philly, so you should be depressed too. Come get tickets. I don't fucking care. Do whatever you want. Yeah depressed too so get tickets I don't fucking care do whatever you want yeah I mean come don't come whatever I might not even go like fucking writing that one off see you later show next up Chicago the thought of doing them every month is just it's roundhog day but like monthly you know it's roundhog month it's just like whatever i don't know fuck you

anyway start the show you ever make a girl come uh you're in there pretty rare but you know time or two i mean it's one of those things that i like like i'll make you come i'm sick of lying about it i'll make it yeah yeah that's that's true like it's one thing when we're like see this is that otherwise be like yeah fucking squirting fucking things right right yeah i mean like i'm wearing a t-shirt today like a fucking idiot wait what i don't wear a t-shirt i'm hot already already. I was going to say, you're wearing a velvet long-sleeve shirt. It's fire, but for, you know, literally it's fire. And it's for like a fall because it's...

Dude, you know what? Dude. Dude. Dude. Have you checked the weather? No. Checked the weather. Bro.

What do I have to do? Bro. Check the weather. Okay. I'm just saying. Bro. Look at Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, no, I won't be in Chicago.

86 on Saturday, 90 on Sunday. Look at Jackie all excited like a dumb young bitch. Oh, you're such an annoying asshole. Like a stupid young girl. You're such an annoying asshole. I do like your outfit today. It looks nice, but you're an annoying asshole. The worst.

Going to shoot my fucking self in the head. I have fucking T-ball. Come on, boys. Come on, boys. Come on, boys. Hey, boys. Let's go, boys. Make it slow. Oh, there's going to be an explosion, all right.

Shotgun in my brain. I mean, 86 and 90 is too quick. It's like scuba diving. Too quick. We went too fast. This year, I think we did have a bit of a spring though. I think we kind of I didn't take advantage of it.

We just complained that we don't have a spring. I never wore the jackets I wanted to wear. I was, as spring ended I was like, feels like the end of spring right now. It actually is like still kind of I complained that we don't have spring. I never got to take advantage said the whole spring Complained that we don't have spring And now it's

And never got to take advantage Of the fucking spring God This depression Is killing me But I'm like I'm fucking old You know

I'm 37 Should be able to make a girl cum You know Like it's one thing When we were like Doing the show When we were like 25 And it was

I was lying then too I was making chicks cum When I was 25 I come i was 25 bro i've been making chicks come since i was fifth fucking teen years old i always gave i just didn't think you'd think i was funny if i made girls orgasm exactly i didn't want some losers at home going fuck this guy i can make girls come i don't want to listen to his show me and my high school girlfriend come like 11 times inside a tent, dude. Multiple after multiple after multiple. It's not hard. It's not fucking hard.

You are mentally and physically disabled if you can't do it. It's so easy. Girls somehow come quicker. It doesn't make any sense. It's easy. I don't know why we lie about it so much. It's nuts. I mean, as a society lie about it so much. It's fucking nuts. I mean, as a society,

like, why is it funnier to not be able to give women pleasure? It's so hard to find. No, it's fucking not. Everyone knows. That's how misogynistic and patriarchal our society is. It's hilarious. It's only if you can't give women pleasure

you're considered, like, remotely fun. Like, interestingly. It's like, I got a little dick. I've never made a girl come. Like, this guy's good. He's in. So, yeah, I got a little dick. I've never made a girl come. Like, this guy's good. He's in. What are you, good looking?

Woman's never been happy in my presence not once. I like him. I'll subscribe to this podcast. He's the president of our club. He's the president, man. If you're remotely good looking, you have an even decent dick, and you know how to make someone come,

fucking get that guy away from me. I kind of fucked this with the first one, but the other two. The other last one. No, I'm not even saying that for me. I'm just saying, but in general. Oh, yeah.

Like, who was it? Rocky Dale Davis when someone was like, you're too cute for comedy. Oh, it was Barry who said that. Yeah, it's like, why?

He's right. But it's like, why? You know what I mean? It's like, you can be funny and good looking. No. Well, I mean, yeah. You know what's crazy? The conversation that when...

But I prefer... I prefer... Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is something to it. It's why I don't take care of myself. But it's stupid. Because it's like... Oh, you're just going to be funny that way.

It's the only way to be funny. I do kind of want to just get fat. Like, one or the other. You know what I mean? I don't think you can. You don't have it be funny. I do kind of want to just get fat, like one or the other. You know what I mean? I don't think you can. You don't have it in you. I don't think I have it in me. I mean, trust me. Yeah, you do in all you can.

I think this is as fat as I get. And it's not great, but it's not fat. No. I just don't have it in me. You also don't get it in your face, which is nice. It's there, but you're right. Not like a lot. Not like me.

Well, I don't think you have it in your face. You just shave your beard and stuff. It's just your beard. Is what? It's like your beard is changing, not your face. Your face doesn't really change. I got a fat face. I don't think you do.

Really? Yeah. Oh, I do for sure. Well, I know you do, but I don't think you do. I don't think we're... Does John have a fat face? I wouldn't say so. Well, now, don't get me wrong.

Now, don't get me wrong. But by the way, we didn't get a single verbal no. I said no. Got a lot of, like, gun in your head, head shake. That's Dave Walker. That's Portnoy in the office right now. Who's on Team Marty? Don't get me wrong.

You had the fattest face on record that one time. You are responsible for the fattest face. That was just an incident that wasn't an everyday thing we'll chalk that up to the self-loathing then I had that stretch in the summer last year where I had that loaf of bread in my neck I don't know what the fuck that was

these assholes just let me trot that out episode after episode for the Kevin Clancy show looked like a fucking subway footlong in my neck and every episode would drop and people would be like, you look like the guy in Men in Black who's wearing the skin of a human.

That was last summer? I think so. Yeah. And I was like, did you guys know that I looked like that? And they were like, well, yeah. Well, yeah, of course. Which is even worse. Oh, let's talk about the meanest incident of all time yesterday. We were going through our new merch, and John had this new Sad Boy shirt that's coming out.

And a medium was the sample. So he was wearing a medium. It was obviously too small for him. But at the same time, it didn't look that bad. I said to him, you know, it's medium, so it's small. But on you, it actually looks good because it's tight on your arms and you got like big uh big arms and i was like if i were to put that on i would look awful and john just went well yeah yeah yeah yeah he was just like yeah and then and then there was a kind of a little pause and zach just went wait that was me i was like wait yeah it was john

trying to play it off like he was looking at his phone and not paying attention. That was definitely just a, yeah, well, yeah. No, it was a definite I wasn't paying attention. It was because it wasn't even like a hesitant yeah like that. It was an outright. It was a bold yeah. It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, it wasn't whispered. It was like absolutely right.

Absolutely right. So, I was just like. Sure would be gross. I was like half listening to you. I checked out because you complimented me and that's when i that's when i check out of conversations is where i'm like no because i get uncomfortable i'm not gonna listen to this shit anymore so and then i was like and then you said something then you stopped and i was just like yeah yeah yeah and and then i stopped and then and then and then i processed what i'd said as zach said

wait that was really mean and i like immediately got up and hugged you. I was like, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. That was so funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gross. Totally despicable. Yeah, no, no.

You're repugnant. Put it on. Let's see. No, no. Because I know. That's the thing. It's like I'm okay with you even saying it because I know. Because I know.

Pop that bad boy on. At the end of the show, I'll do that. Yeah, no, I'm gross. But yeah, we can be honest about these things. We should be honest about chicks coming. We are. We're actually not all over the place. We're just a roller coaster.

This is the best way to podcast. I used to try to make this happen. You know what we are? A good podcast is like a season of television where there's one main story, and then every episode also has its own little arc that kind of gets closed. So you're going, and then you go off this way, and you bring it back to the main thing. It's crazy because there's there's such two

different things we're going back and forth between one is clear clear depression issues we're going through right now but also being like but whatever we fuck yeah and then i don't know sometimes when i look in the mirror i think i deserve to die and it's like but i know how to make a chick calm and then you go back down like like i can't wear clothes because i'm so ugly and then you go back up you're like you pussies can't make a chicken it's crazy we are we are uh what's it like organized chaos sort of thing you know um effective wildness uh you know it's like well we've fucked ourselves by just talking about how ugly we are for 15 years. Because we're not ugly like that, you know?

Stone cold over here. Toss me another one. Yeah, yeah. There's some true uggos out there who are like, oh, I'm short and bald and fat. And you guys are tall, have hair, and aren't fat. Like, fuck you. But again, it's not funny. If you saw me under a bridge, you'd be surprised. I guess that's the nicest

thing you can say. Well, you specifically, not so much. What's he asking me quizzes for? Why can't I just pass? Why am I not allowed to cross this bridge? How did he get to be the guy who's stuck being the bridge troll? Yeah, that's what I mean though it's like it's not that bad but there is a deal there really is something though i'll tell you what if i could

change everything same thing with money though we've seen some we've seen some of these people uh you know we know get money and become successful and then still feel the need to like play the the role and it's like no man i don't know if you if you bought a fucking dope car if you're flying private if you have a fifty thousand dollar watch if you do are doing these things do them call it like it is man you can make a chick fucking half p half squirt on you then you fucking do it you do it often right into a pint glass have you ever done that? No, dude. I'm not a porn star.

Sure, if I could, I would. Yeah, I mean, I never understood it. Between the clit and the G-spot. So the reason this all came up is because the Mean Girls pod did a clip, put out a clip of, like, how you can tell the difference between when a girl comes and doesn't come. And we like one time, I think actually our last show, they had put out like a pretty ridiculous clip. We made fun of it. Oh, the six inches, six figures, six feet tall.

Six, six, six. Yeah. Yeah. And we were making fun of that. And so and it did well. So I was like, oh, I heard the the the Mean Girls did a thing on fake orgasms. Maybe we could do that, like a response again. But it was just a very honest thing they were saying,

like when a girl comes or supposedly squeezes tight in a way that you can't make happen otherwise. Yeah, when a guy would shoot cum. What? That's how you tell when a guy orgasms. When we cum. But even if you think about it, when you cum, you could flex, but it's

like, you know what I mean? I mean, I've faked it before. Yeah, but you can't really... I don't think that... When it's been enough, you know? Do you think they can tell that if I'm just flexing my dick right now

and there's enough thrusting still going on, they'll probably think that it's coming. I don't know. I've seen it in pornographies when they're like, oh, it feels so warm. So I guess in that case, probably no. Right. Jackie? I didn't know that was one we could ask. I was going to say Zach. I was... I didn't know that was

when we could ask. I was going to say Zach. I was going to say Zach. Two different places but same idea? Same premise? I don't think that anybody's ever...

I mean, I like to think that nobody's ever faked it with me but I think that I would... I think I'd be able to tell. I think. No, I don't think I would. I don't think I'm able to tell I think no I don't think I would I don't think I would like you know sometimes there's a very you know there's evidence which I've told before I've been I pulled out

and faked it once and and they were like where is it it was like you like you came home when your mom was quizzing you late at night. Where were you? Where is it then? I was like, are you talking? Why are you yelling at me? She held up the sheet. It got mashed in there. She held up the sheet. She was like, where is it?

I was like, these are blue sheets. This is a tough one to hide. And I was just like, I must have gone somewhere else. Check behind your ear. I don't fucking know. Yeah, right. Like the magic cum shot. Blue sheets in Newport.

See, I feel like you almost got a hope that they just like run to the bathroom and like aren't like looking, you know, and just like, yeah, I don't know,

it came out. Yeah, wherever. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it evaporated. That's what I mean. Liquid do that in your hot pussy.

It's like in the movies. It's in the movies. Your cum just goes in there. You've created an ecosystem. Imagine that just rain cum and puss. And that, yeah, evaporates, comes down. It's hot.

98 degrees. It's like those things, the two-liter bottles. Days after, though. Wait, what? Well, not days after, but it's not immediately pouring out. Okay. I have heard that where it's like I just sneezed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's coming out. What are you talking about? It was six hours ago. I've definitely had like you've seen someone kind of go like. And I'm like, what? And they're like, the thing that was in there is not in there anymore. Like, oh. A girl I was once dating excused herself from like she was out with another girl.

They were hanging out, and she got up and went home. I was like, I think you could have just like taken care of that in the bathroom. Excuse me. I have to go piss. Come. Hey, you got a place I could piss to come out of here?

Oh man. If you'll excuse me, I must go piss. BRB. BRB. BRB. But also, sometimes you don't leave the biggest gift. Load. Load.

Let's just say it. Load. Sometimes you're on load management. Yeah, load management. Sometimes you're dehydrated sometimes you I've played four times today that's what I mean though

and it's like I don't know it's up where the G spot is it's all the way up in there and hiding in the loft you know it's up in the loft bedroom and it's not

you know it's up there don't worry just don't ask questions bitch you know whatever all this is to say that we were saying I don't think anyone's ever faked an orgasm with me, which is a bold statement and not what I mean.

But I meant like... The Harry Met Sally. When Harry met Sally. Like the... It's like... Without a doubt, people have given an extra moan or two and things like that. But no one's done like the hands and the hair. I feel like that's the surefire sign that is fake.

Right, right, right. I think the realest orgasms. Yeah, because no one can be a real one of those either. So maybe I've just never given a girl an orgasm. Also a possibility. I feel like there's a lot of tough talk to start the show with. There's also levels to their shit. You know what I mean?

A guy comes, a guy comes, a guy comes. You know what I mean? A guy comes, a guy comes, you know what I mean? With girls, I feel like there's this one and there's that one. There's the big one and there's this. You know what I mean? There is levels to it with them for the guys. We got the butt one. They got the butt one. We got the butt one.

Well, they don't got the butt one. Some got the butt one. Some got the butt one. The porn stars say they got the butt one. Well, the girls who have the butt one have to become porn stars. They're kind of like, well. The guy had a magical ability. That was something that happened way too early to me, too.

And I was like, what? And it was like, I didn't think that was even possible. That I thought she was faking. You know? She got the butt one. Yeah, you hit her prostate good. I was like, by the way, that girlfriend I always talked about when I was 15, fuck her in the ass. Her name was Steve.

We did anal at 15 because there was no pussy. She just tucked her balls out. That's a weird one And then there's like If you Figure out The ways to do it There's the squirt And then there's not squirt There's the clit

And then there's the G spot And then You know It's a whole fucking shebang with them For us it's just kind of like It can feel It can feel a little bit better But like

It's just kind of It's the most meaningless thing Of all time It just goes It's like watching meaningless thing of all time. It just goes blah. It's like watching a cartoon flower wilt. It's very poetic. You know when they grow really fast?

Like, I guess it's the Beauty and the Beast flower. It's like, it gets beautiful. No, it's the fucking, you know what my, you know what dicks are? You know what a dick in a male orgasm is? Wait, what? That flower from Dennis the Menace. What? The one that is only in bloom for like 35 seconds

at night oh yeah oh oh here it comes here it comes wow beautiful done

I didn't know it was in oh yes it is I was thinking of Crazy Rich Asians yeah that is exactly what a guy is

and then it's dead that's what kind of flower your dick is the Dennis the Menace flower whatever that fucking dick is no just go with the, the menace, flower. Whatever that fucking dick is. No,

just go with the dentist, the menace. Uh, apple? What a pull by you. It is true though, that's what it is. We just go,

and then we're dead. Um, but, you know, all of those. I'll say the only, like, at least,

if I'm putting girl input in, I. That's, that's what you bring to the table. I had, like, an extra, well, I don't want my parents to listen, I'm not girl input in, I... That's what you bring to the table. Well, I had, like, an extra... Well, I don't want my parents to listen. I'm not gonna...

Jackie, you kind of already... This Deke Zucker bitch over here. Well, I was just saying, like, the only way I could, like... Like, I just don't have the acting skills. Yeah, yeah. So the only way I can, like, act, throw in, like, a few extra moans

is, like, if I actually come close because a lot of time it's like almost and then it's a letdown yeah and so like if I can kind of get like the close enough but then like but it's never like a full like in the flower world I've actually found I think the so what why did you tell your parents Yeah that's awkward Now we move on Let's do sports talk So politics

I was about to talk about The best ones I've given Now I feel awkward God damn it Jackie I was going to say I feel like the Strongest ones are usually pretty fucking quiet. You know, they're like...

You're punching the face. You know, like it just so like... And you just, you know... That's usually what I do too, yeah. I usually get done, but... No, I'm a little... I do, I get hit. Oh, you get hit know i just i do i get hit oh you get hit yeah i don't think

you were getting it so i had to just come out and say it i don't actually do that i think sometimes but wait you're doing my getter giving get i don't like getting hit i don't like getting hit either but like but they like getting hit, right? I did hit myself a few times today. That was just trying to get pumped up, though. But they like getting hit, right? When they say they like getting hit, they like getting hit, right? I guess if that's what they say.

This is not for me to say on anything. It would be a crazy thing. that's a crazy thing. This is not for me to say on anything. It would be a crazy thing. That's a crazy thing to fake. Well, of course. It would be lunacy. But, like, you know what I mean? Like, they fake other things. Like, oh, this is what a guy likes, so let's do it.

I don't like that. You're sitting there getting whacked around. Like, Jesus. Speak up a little bit. That's not, well, no, no. No, anytime I've gotten hit, I'm like, my ears are ringing and I did not enjoy it. Bro, I went deaf for like two weeks. Yeah.

Bro, I went straight up deaf for two weeks, dude. Left ear, I couldn't hear a fucking thing. Did she go open hand or fist open handed but just missed my face and hit me in the ear I'm like what the fuck

yeah man that that's brutal and you know the problem is if you get hit on the jaw or the ear either not good you gotta get the

cheek gotta get the cheek dude it was like you gotta get the cheek I was so embarrassed to ever say anything it was like You gotta get the G I was so embarrassed To ever say anything

It was like I can't hear I can't hear I have bad hearing As it is Talking to my good ear My left ear Was out of commission

Dude It's like You know when they Teach you When you get in a fight Slap the ear I was disoriented For two weeks

She was doing Jiu Jitsu She was hitting you in the throat Doing the con air putting your nose up in your brain Come on man I'm just trying to get a little kinky here I don't need to be fucking incapacitated This thing is already out of control

Let's bring in the gay boys Let's bring it out and about Perfect it's brought to you by Roman You want to make sure you do give a girl an orgasm? Or a guy? Make sure your dick lasts long enough. Or a guy! Or a guy!

That's one of my favorite James Acaster jokes. Or a guy is exclusively said by men who did not intend to say it. Right. Or a man. Or a woman. The high pitch. If you don't want the flower to wilt, like Jackie said so eloquently, you want the – Jackie's getting credit for that one?

Yeah. That's what she – she said it, right? I didn't make the flower reference, but I – Shut the fuck up, everybody. Then you got to make sure your dick lasts long enough, and the way you do that is by using the Roman swipes. You open them up, wipe them on, and it desensitizes your dick to make you last about, I don't know, like 20%, 30% longer.

And so you add a few minutes on and make sure that you do get to the mountaintop and nobody has to fake it. Right now you can get these swipes for just $5. No, sorry. Right now you can get these swipes for just $5. No, sorry. Right now you can get $10 off your swipes when you choose a monthly plan at getroman.com slash KFC. Super easy to use. Come in discreet, unmarked packaging.

They're like little moist towelettes when you're eating buffalo wings. Keep them in your pocket. Keep them in your wallet. Open it up. Rub it on. Instantly works. Doesn't require a prescription. Doesn't rub off on your partner.

It's just you and your dick and a little bit longer in sex. It's GetRoman.com slash KFC. $10 off your swipes when you get a monthly plan. So maybe you can feel better. If we could get the other gays, I think that would be pretty good for the episode. We could round up the gays. Yeah. Yeah.

You got something for the gays? I heard from someone that one of the gays had said something that I think is interesting. We got more gossip? No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's put out like a rainbow, like a bat signal. You put out a rainbow into the sky and then the gays assemble. Just use your gay phone. Like Captain Planet.

It's like anal, blowjobs, poppers. When our powers combine, we are the gays. I mean, this Following last week's Can we go find all the Jews In the office Actually dude You know what's crazy We didn't

Talk about this with my mom The This was Yeah actually Go get the gays please The I was telling a story About when I was a baby

I was like two And It was My mom and dad I think they baby. I was like two. And it was my mom and dad. I think they went to, I guess me and my mom, when I was like two years old, we went to San Francisco for like a month. Her sister was in school there, maybe something like that. And then my dad came out for a week or something like that.

I forget exactly. But I know my mom had told me the story about how they had to take me at 2.30 every day for a walk so I could watch Asian schoolgirls get off the bus. And I would just sit there and I'd kick and scream and I'd be very excited about it. I don't know why. It's not something that's really stuck with me in life. I've been attracted to Asian women, not certainly certainly don't fetishize them

um but like i like them like sure i'm fucking jerked my dick to oscar a billion times but like i don't really get much deeper than oscar oscar's kind of where i stand but while what perfect time come on down so i was telling them. Let's put one gay here and one gay here. You can sandwich us. Little red riding twink. Is there a new hair color? Little red riding twink. And she will ride. So I was just telling a story.

Where's the boy? Hey, sir. Pavs? Where's Pavs? Oh, there he is. He had a wing tip and he was doing this in the stall this morning. Typical Pavs. He gets one tan and he thinks he's, you know, well.

Just being a full-blown sub-bottom immediately. Bringing his dom the chair. Give it here, pig. So she just came out frantically looking for gay people. Like in a bathhouse at 6am. Like a rainbow. You put it up there and all you guys assemble. It's not even specifically gay. It's one of, I forget which one of you

It's one of you motherfuckers. Is it just three? It's not that any gay person would do it. There's others but they don't matter. Well there's five in the room right now. Pavs is closeted. Now Jackie has been known to eat a box.

We have been known. What are you doing? Are you doing bumps? What is this screw for? You know, you put it in your sounding. You put it in your dick. I had a basketball pump at my friend's house this weekend. You know how it has the metal pole and then you pump it?

Would you ever stick that down your pee hole and then see if it pumps? No, that's how you die. That's why you can't blow in a pussy. Brother, there is not anything that's ever going in my dick hole. And I'm pretty adamant about that. Like I used to say there's nothing ever going in my ass and we know that we violated that rule, but I'll just a little bit of soap get in my dick hole and it ruins my week. So if any of these things, I've been reading a lot of these stories recently.

It's been on the New York Post. Guys getting wires stuck up there and metal stuck up there. Not for her. No, man. No, man. Anyway, where are we right now? So I just told a story. I guess I'll retell it quickly.

I was getting drinks with Nick Turani. And I don't know how this came up, but I was telling him a story about how when I was like two years old, I was away in San Francisco for a while, and my mom had to take me for a walk every day at 2.30 so I could watch Asian schoolgirls get off the bus. What? Lucky. I was like, yay! And I would watch them.

Like it was a zoo show? You do racial tourism? Look it, there they are. They are real, mom. They do exist. But when I told that story to Nick Turani, he told me that I think it was you. Oh, here we go. Or maybe you that told him that people who have an Asian fetish.

Are gay. Oh, it's me. Yeah, that was you. Question answered. have an Asian fetish are gay oh it's me yeah that was you no that was you question answered it's proven that there's proven that that's the last step

before you become fully gay is dating Asian women so I came out as a two and a half year old I guess so but I don't understand I don't understand because it's

I don't know because you would think they want something more dominant usually Asian women are more subservient and like right right

that's a stereotype at least I don't know it's a stereotype it is I mean it is it's just a stereotype I don't know what it was a stereotype. It is. I mean, it is. It's just a stereotype. I don't know what it was, but it was like

there's the last straw before you become gay was always like, I've heard that so many times. That's like a thing in the gay community? Yeah. It's known. Like, oh, well,

he's got an Asian boyfriend. It's just only a matter of time. Because I always thought of that. I don't understand it. I always thought of that as a very, now that I'm thinking about some of my friends, I'm like,

but I always thought of that as kind of like a almost the opposite of that like but maybe that's because they're in the closet and they're overcompensating

but kind of being like I'm gonna get me like an Asian I'm gonna get a spinner and fucking you know what I mean like a submissive Asian woman

yeah but I mean that doesn't necessarily tie into gay to me it doesn't those don't actually as a matter of fact I think you gays are very sassy

and fucking demanding and shit I would feel like you know fucking you guys would be way way different than a subservient

but we love a power dynamic yeah we love a power dynamic you know you have the dom tops you have the power bombs the opposite of that

and you know which is I think that's why because it's like Asians have the like stereotype that they're like submit like Asian women

like quiet little Asian women like is that stereotype I would think I would think dating a white woman is the last thing you do before turning gay because white chicks

are gay as fuck I like wine live life love like sure well you're fucking gay lady but don't you think like Asian

like the stereotype of like you know get in the kitchen and fix me a sandwich and like rub my feet and like do my shit. Well, show them your feet. They'll charge you.

That's what I mean. All this subservient shit. For an upcharge should rub your back. Okay. They walk on it. They have that bar up top they hold

and they can just walk around on your back. I just feel like all this is super straight. Or whatever, man. Is there a female equivalent of a power bottom? Can I?

What's exactly a power bottom? Jackie. It's like you're on the bottom but you run the show. No, it's basically like, what did you say? We call that Amazon position. Okay. What is it?

Amazon is cool. Amazon's super cool. What is it? It's like the chick is the one doing the fucking. So ordinarily, she would be on her back with her legs up. Right, so the girl goes inside your legs. So the guy is like this, which is unusual. And your dick is bent down.

Oh, I get it. And then she's kind of just doing the fucking. Oh, I get it. Usually girls are riding and they're going up and down. She's doing like the thrusting. And your dick is bent down. You guys don't know about it? No. Okay, bro.. That's what I need.

Okay, bro. Maybe that's what I need. I'll tell you what, the last step before going, get your hammer down. You're like, yeah, fuck me, baby. Jesus. I love it.

That's when you're like, wait a minute. I mean, after bringing home the bacon all day, the last thing you want to do is have to blow your back out. Just fucking lay there. It won't hurt all the work. After dinner's ready you're not done yet baby

I'll tell you what get in here and fuck daddy I don't smell I don't smell dinner cookers I meant like a power bottom

like you know like Zach's used to wait wait power bottom means you're on the bottom but you kind of run the show no but power bottom

they're like a disposable pig disposable pig do you know what I mean like a little twink power bottom why do they call it power though because they can take a dick and keep on Oh, disposable pig. Do you know what I mean? Like a little twink powerbomb. Why do they call it power though? Because they can take a dick and keep on...

I thought they were giving it power. No, but they also control it. They're the dom-bomb. I'm referencing Always Sunny. But don't you like, if you have a power twink like that, don't you just have them leave right away? Of course. I don't want to see them or talk to them yeah just

dismiss them and it's like if you have the version of that and when women that is like one night stands that you bring them for a bar they're just hookers um i don't think we have a name for that no because you're not allowed to just call it it's it's uh you can do it to the boys you can't do it to a lady you guys don't realize How good you have it You guys can just do it And kick each other out And then when you're the one That gets kicked out

You're kind of like Well that's just the game Like everybody's just Fucking and kicking right You hop in the shower And they're gone by the time You get out Well you found me on 14th street

Right outside of his apartment Yeah He had a scuffed heel A scuffed heel Teased hair And he was smoking A Benton Half Parliament 100 Yeah

And you know. Oh, I thought that was a joke about that. You just fucked him. But that actually happened? You found him outside his apartment? No, I would find me. I didn't fuck you. Who's Vera Wang's little girl's glasses are these? My mother's.

His mother's. She left them? Yeah, she forgot them here. She was here every day. She's on this episode. Oh, God. Oh, my God. We're paired with your mother?

Tune in to see ma'ams and the moms good lord there's nothing like if you do that as a guy you are gonna be yeah you're gonna be called mean or you're gonna have a girl that's like texting you off the hook and you know like and but i guess it goes kind of both ways no it doesn't i don't know when a guy gets ghosted or kicked out it's it hurts but we just let it go. I think sometimes girls are more prone to like... Maybe I should do that tonight. Felonies, break the law.

I don't know. We'll move on. Probably for the best. So you guys think that Asians are gay? I think, yeah. I think it's less that they're being gay. I'm going to do research trying to get back to you in the lead of time, but I don't know why it is. Also, for being gay I'm gonna do research trying to get back to you in the lead up to time

but I don't know why it is also this doesn't make sense because like Asians are getting very stereotypically like if you're talking about fucking dudes they're gonna be big they're gonna be hairy

and not all of them but like you know like a tiny Asian woman is usually the stereotype that's like that's the most feminine thing I think it has to do with

the power dynamic that's it what is it? the power dynamic I don't know what that even means I don't even what that even means. I don't even know what it is.

It's like you like but gays like that power but there's also subs. It could be a hate fuck if you have a little Asian woman.

I would date a dyke if I was about to be going gay. Why? So she could Amazon fuck me. She could do all

the chores around the house, get some relief off of me and you know. Build you a shed in the backyard. Yeah, she shed. Now you getting

Amazon. He's been's he's been she's been Amazon I'm sure I want to be you being Amazon might be cause you got them

tree trunks boy yeah yeah no you'd have to get inside of there you know I'll just hold my thigh fat like open yeah

she can get to it those are your outer pussy lips yeah my pussy lips right here, boys. The manual thigh gap? Yeah, like think about it. Because, yeah, you guys, you'll be fucking a guy on his back with his legs up.

But imagine if his dick was bent down and inside you. Well, you break your dick. That's the thing for you to break your dick on because she's tight on it. They can go pretty far forward. How far forward does your dick go? How far forward is it? The girl's hole has got to be right in front of forward. How far forward does your dick go? How far forward is your dick? The girl's hole has got to be right in front of her. That's totally accurate.

Well, you guys got pussies, so that's hilarious. Doesn't the girl's hole have to be pretty high up for it to work out perfectly? See, the thing that blew my mind when I was a kid and first learning about this, I thought that the hole would be flat on your stomach so that it would have to go in like this. I never knew it was up. Because really, when you get hard, your dick doesn't go out. It kind of goes up, right? So it makes sense that's how you get in.

But when I was a kid before I knew any of this, I thought it was like a belly button. I thought, yeah, your dick goes in like that. You plug it in. So I had to, you know, that was like, oh, it's like underneath. Okay. That's why he got brought to meet the Asian girls at a young age. So he was learned. Yeah.

He was a learned man. That is wild. Racial tourism. Yeah. We're going to San Francisco, kid. I'm going to show you some Asians. What? Come again now?

Yeah. Say what now? That's one of those things, I bet you, you get the scoop from your parents and some other shit was going on. I don't know. Hey, mom, remember when we were two years old and you used to bring me around to see the fucking Asians? Yeah, I don't know. I know what happened.

It was just like there was a bus stop by my aunt's apartment, and I happened to be out one day. But here's my question. If you went to a bus stop and white people got out, would you be like, meh? I don't know. Yeah, you would. Yeah, you would. I think it was like she's like you liked it. That's a bus stop she's like it was a bus stop like you liked you liked it

so I just that's what I'm thinking I just kept bringing it out every time yeah I'm thinking it was more like the bus and like the you know

big yellow bus so the doors open something comes out you can't say yellow it could have been anybody it's yellow it was the yellow bus no no no no no no

Joey might be the funniest person here starting out funniest guy at Barstool. It's unbelievable. You can put that on a t-shirt. What else are you guys, gays, guys doing? We're just planning out.

Oh, let's talk. We're going to do a segment that can only be aired at the Chicago show. Oh, good. We were doing the vlog this Saturday. This is on my dick. Look at her face.

Is this about your cock, Seth? This is jarring, to say the least. Yeah, you were not here for this. Oh, what happened? This is wild. So Jackie tweeted over the weekend or over the last week that she likes to take her coffee in the shower. Did you see that? She's doing shower coffees.

Oh, that's what you guys, this is going so much, true, we're taking a 90 degree turn. I said, I don't, to me, it's iced coffee, by the way. I do like, you know,

shower beers, shower, whatever. I bring the phone in. I'll eat. I want to, I love the shower. So I want to make it like, I'll put on a podcast

or I'll watch a video. I want to turn the shower into like an hour long place to hang out. You don't even put yours in a bag, right? You just bring your phone in. Bring my phone in. But I have like a shelf that's away most of them are waterproof now too um so i was kind of like i feel you girl like i like i don't do that but

you know i'm not opposed to it and jackie then says um she was like well it's never mind i'm not gonna say it i'm like well you gotta say it now and she's like no no no like i really can't say this one and i'm like well now you have to and she just goes like i know it's a lot like when you're sucking dick oh and uh the the idea behind it being that liquids and water and everything can just go everywhere she was like it's like when you're blowing somebody and you're like i can just get as sloppy as i want to oh yeah it's like when you're blowing somebody and you're like, I can just get as sloppy as I want to. Oh, yeah. It's constantly hot.

Like she's in the shower just drinking her coffee like, ah. She can make a mess out of it in the shower the same way. What about spilling? Is that what it is? Yeah, basically. How often do you spill your coffee? It's like, I might as well be naked while I drink this. I can just be running down my coffee in the shower and me sucking dick.

You might be having a stroke, Jackie. Now, there might be some MS involved. I said this is being played, this clip, at the Philly show. And she said, I have friends and family coming. So I said, well, this will be then at the Chicago show when no one's around. But yeah, because I've done that with a shower beer where you're just kind of like, you're kind of stone cold at almost. I don't think I've drank beers in the shower. You've never missed your mouth on purpose? Yeah, I've done that. a shower beer where you're just kind of like, you're kind of stone colded almost. I don't think, I mean, I've drank beers in the shower.

You've never like missed your mouth on purpose? Yeah, I've done that. Missed your mouth on purpose? No, I like to drink it. You do like a Dana beers thing or it's kind of just like all over. Oh, I know it. Have you ever been pissed on in the shower? Have I ever been pissed on in the shower? Yeah.

It's hard for you to get pissed on though. Well, it was like we did with the boys. Oh, guys peed on you? Yeah Oh by the way also Let me just The last The true last step

Before being gay Is playing hockey That's how it happens Like we would When someone was like Shampooing out their hair You'd sneak up on them Oh I wish I was there

You would love it I used to lay in the bathtub I get peed on my boyfriend at the time You would lay in the bathtub? And he would pee get peed on by my boyfriend at the time. You would lay in the bathtub? And he would pee on me with no water on. Who would? Your ex?

Yeah. This is the last day you fucked? Not blue powerade. No, no. This was years ago when I was a child. When I was a child? When I was a child? No. Like I was like 20 years old.

Let's specify that. How old was he? He was my age. I don't remember. And he just pissed on you? I asked him to. Where? In the bathtub.

No, no, no. Oh, everywhere. Spray me down. H? In the bathtub. No, no, no. Oh, everywhere. Spray me down. Hose me down. He will hose down the guts. I feel like if you're going to do it, do it, right? Yeah, like close your face and then on my crotch. In your mouth?

Yes. I spit it out. I'm going to swallow it. You would swallow it? No, I wouldn't. I would if I had that pain. Like a fountain? Like a pain.

Yeah. What did you do? Did you jerk off while you were doing it? Yes Did you cum while he was peeing on you? Obviously You idiot You didn't even get the question out that time

Yeah I didn't know But here, okay I'm not yucking your yum I just didn't know you would Yeah, so Jackie Next time you finish your cappuccino Then you turn the water on

You'll cum much faster, dear You'll squirt much faster, dear. You'll squirt much faster, dear. She takes that shower head and she puts it on high. She goes right down to that crotch. Now we'll turn it on pulsate. Now she will pulsate. I think of squirting as super hot. Yeah, it's the same thing as me.

You can fucking wash me down head to toe. Wash me down. See see cause here's the thing if I were to engage in any of that giving or receiving I think it should almost be like a lot of water has been drank before this isn't the first pee in the morning it's a brown test

that has to be prepared no vitamins that day no asparagus no Mountain Dew it's more about just things that has to be prepared. No vitamins that day. Right. No asparagus. No Mountain Dew. None of that yellow 12 or whatever. It's more about just things coming out of the deck. That's what's hot. Yeah.

I mean, you don't want peas. There's definitely more of a scarlet letter with P, but it's like, if you squirt. If you're so cum hungry and you can have jizz out of there. If you send a lot of stuff into this one pretty easily. Don't get me wrong. I didn't even have to talk myself into it. I was like, yeah, fuck it. I'm fine.

Like, if a girl were to squirt all over you, you'd be like, yeah, that's awesome. But I guess there's something about like, you hope they're coming. If girls jizz, would you be grossed out? If girls jizz come and guys didn't, would you think guys would be more into it? Or they would eat it?

They'd probably love it and eat it. Whatever stance. He's asked this question like 10 times. If a girl shot come. If they just started tomorrow, it would be different for us but if since the beginning of time guys come and girls come we'd be like that yeah we're disgusting animals yeah we're pigs i mean we're pigs we'll do whatever did you guys ever talk about if men had periods how disgusting i was just gonna say that out of our right oh out of our dick okay wherever it doesn't matter

if men had the periods it'd be so so disgusting like oh shit give me a fucking paper towel stuffing them up there and like how disgusting that would be so disgusting. Like, oh shit, give me a fucking paper towel. Like, you're stuffing them up there and like, how disgusting that would be. Bro, I would have, dude, I would have fucking like, like fucking McDonald's bags

fucking shoved up there. Shoved up there, yeah. That would be disgusting. Oh yeah, you would grab anything. I'd be in my car. I'm fucking spotted, bro. Getting my fucking period just like grabbing trash

from the back of my car. Oh, yes. The coarseness Of a Burger King bag Wiping up your pussy blood Shoving them up there Yeah It would be disgusting

You'd be using like The food The bun Yeah Anyone got a sock on Yes It would be disgusting Yes queen

That's actually probably What it would be More like Like it would be like A sock Like a Remember that thing That Rosebud puts in her pussy Yeah like. It would be like a sock. Remember that thing that Rosebud puts in her pussy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It would be like that. Rosebud Baker? Diva cup, yeah. I love her. She's amazing. She's the best. But she did a diva cup for a while and got stuck in it. Oh, it's gross. Yeah, it's so gross.

It's one of my favorite stories of hers. We would almost have to be something that goes around the tip. It has like a reservoir. So basically like a big condom. I think it would be floating in blood for most of the day. Ew, why? Oh, your dick would be floating in blood for most of the day. Ew, why? Oh, your dick would be floating in blood.

Yeah, because if it went around the whole thing, if we pimped out blood, then it would be like, like in the movies when like the sociopathic doctor has like limbs

like floating in blood. Oh, right, right, right. Like barbicide or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have to get like a cup, like a sealed cup so you could just like fill up your cup with period.

Have you ever peed in a condom? Yeah. What? Have you ever peed in a condom? No. But I know, have you done it like, like I know guys

who have done it like they're blacked out, they like stumble to the bathroom, didn't realize they left the condom on. No, I did that on purpose to see how, before it popped. How long,

was it big or small? Yeah, it got, it didn't pop, it just flew off. It was in the shower. Did it get to become like a grapefruit? Yeah, it got... It didn't pop. It just flew off. It was in the shower. Did it get to become like a grapefruit? Yeah, it was a grapefruit. That's a lot.

Imagine Joey just alone in the shower. Let me do an experiment. Put that thing on. That's, you know... We experiment with condoms a lot. I feel like when we're straight guys, gay guys do that. You guys don't use condoms.

We experiment. We take them out of the garbage. Please, Kevin. Kevin, have you heard of the AIDS epidemic? You guys were like, nah, I'd rather die. I'd rather get my nuts off and die. I cannot believe your mother's on this episode. I've been thinking about that a little bit.

We might have to swap some fucking... This might air Thursday. Yeah, we might be doing two podcasts today. I think this one might be air Thursday. That's fair. Yeah, we might be doing two podcasts today. I think this one might be Aaron Thursday. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. In that case, now I'm going to say something. Let's go home.

I feel like I've jerked off in more condoms than I've had sex with condoms. Yeah, it's kinky. Yeah. That's a great. I mean, it's a low number either way. You can sell those on the internet. No, because I've. Drank them out?

Yeah. Did you have a... Have you ever had a girlfriend that you had regular condom sex with? Maybe my first girlfriend. I had a long... I had like a couple year girlfriend. A girlfriend for two years in high school. That's when I used to use those dry ones because I was petrified.

I used to use the red Trojan condom box. Why? No lube. Like extra thick. It was like, because I was just so terrified. Was it breaking? Yeah, when I saw like extra thin, I was like, that sounds fucking dangerous to me. And I don't think I realized that you need to like break the condom.

I was thinking they could like get through. Whatever it was, I used to use like fucking balloons on my dick. So there was a decent amount of, but I was so young that I was still like getting off because it was like, it still feels good, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But,

sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. Yeah, totally, totally, cool,

cool, cool, cool. I used to fucking, just keep, yeah. Now it's gonna make her so little more comfortable.

I think I would, I think, Jackie, turn on the generator, sweetheart. The whole table just elevates up off the thing we're gonna need the power Zach can we dip these lights

darling you were saying dear I don't even know what I was saying I don't even know what I was saying I think I used to wear the condom and pull out I was like so terrified I was to wear the condom and pull out I was like so terrified for sure I was like a 15 year old kid being like I'm gonna get this bitch pregnant and you follow the instructions on how to close the condom

up after and dispose of it right I didn't care much about the takeoff I cared about the pinch and roll to get it on and put the hot sauce in there and then we just started doing anal another well this is good because we don't have to worry about this. Nobody's getting pregnant in that book. And that's just history. It's their herstory, if you will. My buddies always make fun of me. They'll tell a story about something they were doing

when they were 15 years old. It's just like a normal 15-year-old kid thing to do. And they'd be like, well, Clancy was doing anal with his fucking girlfriend. That probably fucked me up good. I had a friend who he didn't believe was having sex, so he fucked his girlfriend in the ass. We were like 14 and took a picture with a disposable camera and had developed that CVS and came and showed everyone his little 15-year-old dick in his girlfriend's ass.

Is that illegal? It's probably illegal. It sounds that illegal? It's probably illegal. It sounds super illegal. It's definitely illegal now, but the cyber laws and porn laws hadn't caught up to the times yet. Yeah, no way. You can do whatever you want back then. Dude, I was flashing 15-year-old dick all the time. With pictures?

Pictures, yeah. Digital? No, I had a... Oh, we didn't have digital cameras then. I had a Kyocera flip phone, but it didn't flip. It spanned like this. Spanned? Yeah, like it was like... I know, but that's not the word it's a band span it's fun it's spinning it's fun no matter but it was a keyhole one I was like trying to fucking I had a picture of my dick on my phone when I

know shout out to that would just say anyone would like do a little sexy making remember when they were there song digital get down was like back at that time okay that was like They were talking about Taking pictures and sexting And shit before Really That's what Digital Get Down Is all about

It's about like Taking pictures And sexting Fuck yeah Cyber That's the balls Yeah what'd you guys do Do you wanna go to Cyber Cafe

What did you guys do In a Cyber Cafe We never made it to the cafe We just fucked right Before we got there. Well, have you ever thrown your legs over your head and tried to come on your own face, Trish? I've thought about it, but

I'm like, once I start jerking off, I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Even recently, I've thought about it, but I just can't. It's too much. The, the, the, the, and now Joseph? Oh, please. I have. I mean clear Like And now Joseph

Oh please I have I mean you You can come on yourself Like straight up But have you done the leg roll She's a heavy shooter No

I mean again Oh yeah yeah Legs and shit Yeah that Like you have to go Against the back wall though You know you put your Put your like

Put your lower back Against the wall On your bed Yeah yeah yeah I got it I got it Put your butt Put your butt

Where your pillow goes Put your butt Where your pillow goes put your butt where your pillow goes put your butt where your pillow goes your leg's up okay okay got it

would you mind pop up here and I'll break a hip I've almost done it accidentally where like you've had we've said this

before where you're like you'll be jerking off in the dark at night and you'll hear it hit the pillow Jesus mind if I try to get my head I'm gonna see how I can get my legs up You're like, you'll be jerking off in the dark at night, and you'll hear it hit the pillow.

Jesus, that was fucking bad. Mind if I try to get my head? I'm going to see if I can get my legs up. Yeah, go ahead. Pop on up there, man. Holy mackerel. Let's see if I can get her done here. Now, 6'5". I mean, remember, folks, this is a whole lot of game coming up.

I'm very flexible, John. If I'm going to get hard, I'm going to leave this here in my mouth. Yeah. I think I can do it. You're assisting me? Yeah, just like that? Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

But if you didn't hold on to your foot, would you be able to do it? Yeah, I could do it. You could say that one. I'm afraid I would lose hardness, though. Yeah. In that position. Right, right, right. All the blood's going to the head there.

You talk about embarrassing. Somebody walks in, you passed out. Your legs over your head come on your face. You talk about embarrassing. Somebody walks in, you passed out, your legs over your head, cum on your face. You're turning blue. What happened here? You guys instinctually grabbed my legs. That was like your dream come true right there for a moment. Jesus Christ.

Almost. Making fantasies happen out here. Well, holy shit. This is a lot. What else you guys got? Oh, we have a live show that we're going to do. First one ever. Our first one ever.

July, it's either 16th or 17th, whatever the Saturday is. But we are figuring out. It's going to be awesome. We're going to push the limits of content. We're going to confiscate phones. We're going to lock the doors. Chappelle over here. We're going to do some wild shit.

That sounds like, so you guys are hosting ASEX, right? Yeah, you guys are going to say that. It's intimate. There are no cameras, no mics, and there's seven of us. It's just the courts are you.

Like, my dear gentlemen. Now, when you say push the limits, are we talking about sexual? Are we doing, like, the box? Are we doing that kind of shit?

It's mostly just racially insensitive. It's going to be religiously, a lot of religion jokes. We're going to bring out the Asians. ISIS beheadings

you know the whole time we actually have Malala coming in from Palestine she's going to be there we have Kyle Rittenhouse who will be flying in oh we're doing prayer rugs as well

that was your idea for free though we'll rent them out for a fee we rent them out for a dollar that way lights come on

it's business it's business at the end of the day Sony Hit the business at the end of the day. It's business at the end of the day. Sony Theater. Gotta make that money. Bottom line, you know? So Sony Theater, you're going to like what you see. We'll surprise guests.

Really shut it down. Wait, where are you doing it? Sony Theater is beautiful. Where's that? It's like in Times Square, I think. It's like 46th on the west side. Ooh, baby. The man Mavi is coming out.

Well, we hope so. Do you think it's going to be a lot of girls or gay guys? It's all girls. It's mostly women. The man. Although we did meet quite a bit of gay fans There was like 20 Yeah that's what I say The one twink that we meet in Tampa

He follows and is in his DMs No surprise there Over under 0.5 straight men At the show Oh over There will probably be like 6 maybe No way You guys are going to be there 6.5 straight men at the show. Oh, over. Oh, straight men? Yeah, over. There'll probably be like six, maybe.

No way. Your guys are going to be there. You have to have an eight. We'll be there for sure. I mean, think about how many gay guys we get. It's probably the inverse. Are we still doing something for Gay Pride Month? Yes. Yes.

We're like, fingers crossed that the- Do you want to come to Gay Night at the Met's? Parade gets approved, and then we're going to have a float, a car and the thing, and you got to come on that. Yeah, fuck yeah. June 6th. Yeah, yeah. June 6th, 2016. We've got June 10th. Yeah, fuck yeah. June 6th. Yeah, yeah. June 6th, 2016.

We've got June 10th. I've got good moon man gay shit coming out. Hell yeah. I'll dress super slutty. Well, we'll pick out your outfit. I mean, we want people to enjoy this shot. Come on. Come on.

I'll wear whatever. I won't look good in it, but I'll wear whatever. You get him one of the furry things where he has, like, a plug in his ass with a tail coming out? Say what I said. Slip my mind. Look at Pat. No.

That's me, yeah. That is hilarious. I've thought about that, by the way. Fucking watermelon. Look at Pat's face. Tell me that's not Pat. White trash Pat. That's Ben Roethlisberger, dude.

He's taking your time hard. I can guarantee that it wouldn't burn. I would try it. I just feel like you also would demolish it, and then it would be done. Yeah. You get a couple strokes, and then that watermelon's blown burn. I would try it. I just feel like you also, you would demolish it and then it would be done. Yeah. You get a couple strokes and then that watermelon's blown out. You get watermelon juice.

You drink the juice. I'd be right behind and make a watermelon margarita. A pack? Your phone is just a... That's Ben Rothenberg. That literally is like Ben Rothenberg. Who's Ben Rothenberg?

He's a football player. Ben Rothenberg. Did you show him the photo of Nick and KB? Oh, no. Or the one of Owen? That looks a lot like my old kitchen. Is this the pill to the side or he used to do the hole?

When you guys pee, do you take your dick out of the pee hole or do you pull it? Always over. I put my waistband under my thing. You do. Dick and balls. But that's your dick and balls. I'll do the balls out occasionally. If somebody has elastic, you just pull under?

Balls out on the holidays. I'm like this. And I pull this under my thing. Oh, okay. Just saw the pubes. I didn't need balls out occasionally. Something that has elastic you just pull under? Balls out on the holidays. Like right now you would. I'm like this. Oh. And I pull this under my balls. Okay, okay. Just saw the pubes. I didn't need to see that.

What do you do? Dick and balls over the waistband. What do you do? I switch it up. I literally switch it up all the time depending on my pants. I'll go through the fly. Because a lot of boxers, we've ranted and raved about this, a lot of boxers don't have holes in them anymore.

So you got to just pull down. But then if I'm wearing a pair of boxers with a hole andanted and raved about this, a lot of boxers don't have holes in them anymore. So you got to just pull down. But then if I'm wearing a pair of boxers with a hole and a zip jean, I'll go through. Yeah. And then I'll pull the balls too sometimes. No. That's so funny. Did I show you that clip? Joe Sanagato did this on his show on the basement yard.

Frankie takes his dick and balls out, and I think that's... Joe thought it was crazy to do the fly at all, which I think is nuts. The fly to me is like that's what it's designed for. In a button pant, obviously, I'm fucking... Well, a button's a fiasco. That's going the whole thing down. But the balls and dick out of the

boxer and jeans is like tight. Yeah, it feels good, though. It feels nice, yeah. But you don't unbutton the button? You don't take the button open? You don't unbutton the button? The button is not too much work. Right now I'm in button. I just zip that down and then it comes out of here.

The button I just kind of pull. And then you're there and then you put the balls out. And then I go, I think I just go shaft out. You just reach around that much? I just go shaft out. You just reach around that much? I just go- Yeah. He just reaches around that much? It'll flop?

I just- yeah, I just go shaft right out. Why don't you put the waistband under your balls? Huh? Why don't you put your waistband under your balls? It'll cut off sometimes if it's tight. And then hold the boxers? Yeah. If I get- if I'm doing the whole unbutton, I just take it out.

Then waistband under the balls. No, no, no, no. That's funny to have your pants out and then the hole. And that's not fair to your name. Yeah, that's bizarre. That's like a hybrid. Yeah. Like I said, I change it up all the ball. No, no, no. That's funny to have your pants out and then the hole. And that's not fair to your diaper. That's like a hybrid. Yeah. Like I said,

I change it up all the time. You get weird with your dick. I keep the body guessing. Well, it's not weird to like, it's not a lot of work to undo the button. It's more work to unzip and take it out.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. It's more work to unzip and take everything out. First of all, dickhead, you have to undo the zipper. I know, but that's what I'm saying.

Undoing the zipper and then fishing everything out is harder than just undoing it, you have to undo the zipper. I know, but that's what I'm saying. Undoing the zipper and then fishing everything out is harder than just undoing it all. I don't know, man. Boom, boom, boom. Done. Well, I went to Chase... Where was that?

Wrigley Field the other day and they have troughs there so I was so excited. I was getting all the trips and trips. The troughs of Wrigley are very... Iconic. Yeah. He was working them.

He was just walking. Any gentleman need help... I was walking by going like this. That's absolutely vile. I didn't do that. I'm kidding. I used my tongue. I'm just going to run down the whole length of the thing.

When is Sony Theater? Sony Theater is, find the right date. Yeah. It's July 16th. And Sony Theater is here, correct? Yes, it's here. I believe it's on 46th street in Midtown That's awesome

You guys are ahead of the fuck Well you already had a live show presence Yes I did But doing 450 is For your first one ever I'm not saying that it's like wow They know there's cuts and they know if they don't show 450 Then the show's gone we're gonna both get fired if they don't show up

We've created an ultimatum and we basically said If you guys don't show up, we're stopping Put it on them. That's what I'm doing with those dirt balls in Philly, but they're not fucking responding. Alex Bennett said they're buying 250 tickets off the bat. Who is? Alex Bennett's buying the 250 tickets. Do you guys do male sex toys?

We have that. We have- They send me stuff. Shout out Arc Wave. I wasn't there that day. You were giving them out. There's one on my desk that's unused. You can have it if you want.

Yeah, sure. It's like an air jerker, though. I was upset when I missed fucking Santa Claus Day. You were giving out sex toys. I know, but they sent me another one that I actually used. It was not bad. Yeah, I'm sure it's pretty fucking great. Pocket pussy with adjustable grip.

I don't have that one. So you hold it and go like this? No, you just do it, but then you can twist it. And if you look in it when you twist it, the thing is like smaller. It worked. I blew a fat load. Right, Zach? Ew.

Most of your sex toys are you getting penetrated, right? Just whatever they... I'm sorry? Your sex toys are more about your dick or about your ass? He has a suction cup dick in his shower. But you're always fucking yourself, right? Well, I have the fleshlight,

the vagina fleshlight that I ordered of Postmates. That's crazy. Of Postmates. This guy's out here with fucking pussies. I knew that. That's wild.

Yeah. Mine's non-gendered. Mine's non-gendered. Do you think you could fuck like a rubber dick and balls? Like one that has like an ass but it also has

like a rubber dick and balls? Yeah. It literally is going to feel the exact same as the fucking but there's going to be dick and balls? Like one that has an ass but also has a rubber dick and balls? It literally is going to feel the exact same as the fucking, but there's going to be dick and balls in there. I mean, if I had to, yeah. Well, if you had to. I fuck a man hand basically nightly. See, that's what I mean. It's like, you know. I have a name,

sir. I love it. Alright, this is never going gonna end if we don't fucking just cut it off so go get your tickets to is it just out and about live

they're not out yet tickets aren't out yet but that's when it's gonna be we're just working on some kinks but we will let you know yeah you are I'm gonna work on

my getting pissed on for my kinks will there be a bathtub on stage I think we got one we're thinking about it it's not sponsored so we can't be too choosy with our props. Yeah, exactly.

And we listed out our rider on the show. We did a live email reading to Live Event Lisa of what we need. Oh, God. Poor Lisa. And I just hope she comes through. We will pull this fucking plug if we have to. I'm telling you right now. I need two eight balls each. How else am I going to get up before I get down? You asked for Pinot. I'm telling you right now. I need two eight balls each.

How else am I going to get up before I get down? You asked for pinot. You asked for charcuterie. Crudités. Crudités. A lot of stuff. Okay. I remember Zach texting us.

Sorry. Take your time. We have all day. From your green room. Being like, it is. Oh, wildly different. Because our green room had From your green room Being like It is Oh wildly different It was Cause our green room had

Am I a green room? It's out of control Our green room is like Just garbage I think we had A case of water And that was it Maybe like

Sour Patch Kids And a Bud Light Like And then you guys have He's like They have spreads And this And that

Knee balls And then a hot station A cold station. This poor guy, this poor gopher who was getting the wine, brings it over to Joey. He goes, it's not cold enough, dear. And he sent him back out. He was a fucking deal.

I sent him back out. I don't care. I need the stuff to perform. I need my go-go juice. I think we might have had some popcorn. I don't know how long that was there for. Ours is pretty bare bones. I'm like, cash value, please. I don't know how long that was there for. Ours is pretty bare bones. I'm like, cash value, please.

I don't want you fucking touching the money. Yeah, just give me all the money instead of a couple snacks. But you know, you need what you need. Yeah. All right, so go listen out on Bowpod. Thank you for having us. Subscribe on, you know, I was about to say YouTunes and iTunes. All those places, you know, Pornhub, RedTube, UGIS.

Xamster. Xamster, is that where you guys go I just do Twitter porn just Twitter porn only Twitter I do a lot of Twitter porn from my work account long enough

videos on Twitter though like two minutes you can find them in nine ten minutes and then you scroll you scroll their timeline they're always retweeting look at their likes

but the thing is you're only getting like that person's porn or is your timeline loaded up with enough porn your regular TL is loaded up with enough porn yeah Look at their likes. The thing is you're only getting that person's porn. Or is your timeline loaded up with enough porn? Your regular TL is loaded up with enough porn. Interesting. So wait, you pick a person and look at their likes.

No, you look at like thirsty for meat. You could look at that. That's at thirsty for meat? Amateur gay porn 2. And from there you find the stars. I prefer amateur gay porn 1. from there, you find the stars. I prefer Amateur Gay Porn 1, but, you know, whatever it is. And then from there,

you find the stars. Okay. All right. Get out of here. Thank you. Thanks. Okay. Well.

I'm going to go lay in the shower. Anyone else, do the restroom. All right. Well, thanks for the out and about, boys. I mean, they're hilarious, and they can podcast their dicks off. We could have kept doing that, but I feel like eventually Joey's just going to try to fuck one of us.

God's lips to God's ears, right? He gets so excited. The eyes light up. Imagine that. I said your lips to God's ears, and for some reason, God was just like, all right, fine. There you go. Today I'll let the two dudes fuck.

Today. I kept the rest of gay people out of hell because he's like, all right. All right. I like this one. You're going to hell. And that is a fact. So like, get all your butt fucking in now because you're going to eternal damage. Yeah, man. Read the Bible.

It definitely says that. Yeah. I mean, that's what hell damnation. Yeah, man. Read the Bible. It definitely says that. Yeah, I mean, that's what hell just is. It's Chelsea. It's Jews and gays. Yeah. Is that why it's called Hell's Kitchen? Should be. Is that it?

Yeah, it's like that's where all the... Wait, now it's called Hell's Kitchen? Why was it called Hell's Kitchen? There's no way... Wait, now it's called Hell's Kitchen? Because why was it called Hell's Kitchen? There's no way that's a... It's called Hell's Kitchen. There is no way that's what it's about, because we would have changed that for sure. It used to be dangerous.

No, it used to be where Daredevil lived. Okay. I'm pretty sure I read that it was... Okay. But yeah, it was dangerous, and now there's just a bunch of crop tops and daddy issues up there. I mean, imagine...

I think it was you know it was just a rough neighborhood in the south side of london so i just stole that um i do like that about america we just stole everything hell yeah man it's nice it's it's it's like jay-z and naz you know you made it a hot line i made it a hot song y I made it a hot song. York? We took it and made it better. What about New York? Hampshire? That's a weird one that I don't... Everything's just a little bit better. But also, how about, like, how come we only did it with a few things?

You know what I mean? England's so small, we ran out of things. I guess so, that little pussy-ass country. I'm so unimpressed with England these days. Why? What else? They just, like, blew it, man. They used to, like to have world supremacy.

England is like the blockbuster of world supremacy. They had it going. They're like Kodak. They just blew it. Hogs get fat. No, pigs get fat. Hogs get slaughtered. We slaughtered that fucking hog big time.

Those guys are so wild. The on and about guys. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Nutballs. Okay. Let's get into Am I the Asshole? Yes.

Am I the Asshole today is brought to you by Mugsy Jeans. You are an asshole if you're still running around wearing just regular old denim dungarees. You're wearing jeans that are thick and heavy. And when they come out of the dryer, they're like cardboard. Oh, that's the worst. Jeans out of the dryer, unless you're a hot chick, the worst. They're like crunchy almost, you know, and then they don't fit and you got to break them in. Awful. And then even broken in jeans are like, this is not very comfortable. That's why Mugsy Jeans makes the most comfortable jeans on the planet with their super special proprietary top secret stretch denim. These are not like when people are like, oh, they're like sweatpants jeans.

It's like, I don't know. These are jeans. They're not like sweatpants that have painted on like pockets and denim and stuff. It is denim. They are just so stretchy that it feels like sweatpants. Still has the look and style of denim, but it just is as comfortable as your favorite pair of sweatpants. Why is that a good thing?

How about more room for your balls? That's a great thing. Ding! How about if you do need to get into your balls? You know, that's the worst part when you have the denim. You're fighting against them. Can I tell you what's on right now? What?

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Are you right now? I am right now. Oh, Jesus. Just the things we don't need to know, you well i'm just selling a product kevin you know are you though are you nothing i don't think get something sold like like a pair of nuts mashed into an uncomfortable pair of jeans the amount of testicle talk on this podcast recently has been staggering. And I'll tell you what, I know the next couple interviews to come, it keeps on coming.

It does not get better. That's actually just a tip for life. It does not get better. But it does get better when you get your first pair of Muggsy jeans. They also have Mugsy swim. I bet that's bathing suits. I bet it is. They have 7-inch and 9-inch inseams.

No netting. Thank you. Super stretch fabric. Quick drying. So you can get the comfortable jeans or the swim trunks. How did you say it, Zach? The swim trunks. Come back in for a second, Jackie.

Yeah, Kevin wasn't in the office at the studio the other day. It wasn't on the episode, was it, though? No, no. No, when you said swim trunks. Zach was wearing a goofy pair of shorts, and Jackie said, is that a bathing suit or is that? Wait, actually, let me finish the ad read first. Hang on.

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Jack was wearing a flamboyant pair of shorts as today and Jackie asked are those a bathing suit or are those shorts and Zach said they're swim trunks and Jackie went ooh swim trunks

do her hands out and zach said you're homophobic and jackie said i'm not homophobic i just point out that you're gay which is a very funny line she also just yesterday said something like we were all having a conversation she was like yeah i mean that's like when, that's like when I first met him and he said that, I was like, this dude sucks. And then it was like no joke or anything after that. I was like, oh, God damn. Shit.

All right then, Jackie. Yeah, I just point out that you're gay. Okay. You sent them over? Speaking of, swim trunks are in. So we'll be putting our swim trunks on sale soon yeah i got moon man baby oh big time breaking news to my generation to our generation new member of only fansans. Carmen Electra. I might need to do One Minute Man immediately on this one.

And when I say One Minute Man, I mean me jerking off and coming in 60 seconds. Carmen Electra, I don't know. I actually haven't seen her recently. I feel like she aged well. She looked great in The Last Dance.

The Last Dance, what's that? The Michael Jordan documentary? Yes, she did. She looked her age. But Dance. The Last Dance. What's that? The Michael Jordan documentary? Yes, she did. She looked hooray. But that's what I mean. But yeah, it was. Like, good. You know, like, she didn't become a totem pole by doing too much shit to her.

I remember saying Carmen fucking still got it. Still got it big time. That is, you know, in my generation, there was a lot of hot chicks. It was kind of the birth of like – this is going to sound stupid because I'm sure there's been many multiple hot chicks in every era. But I feel like they talk about Marilyn Monroe like she was the only person who looked sexy in the whole fucking world. You know what I mean? And then the 90s, maybe like 80s and 90s hit where it was like there was that supermodel era where it was like this chick, that chick, this chick, video girls, you know? And then obviously now there's just millions of them. But you could make the argument that based on like sex appeal, like Carmen was like, you know, the name and like, you know, there was prettier girls.

But Carmen was like bent over a patio table with her fucking cheeks out you know i was like whoa this girl's doing some things i do wonder i agree with you wholeheartedly um i well actually i don't i i don't because i was just a little late for carmen you know what i'm saying she was that fuck oh i know the post but i didn't i didn't she was just like up on her tiptoes I think Or up on her stripper heels Woo buddy The like I don't know

That was a little A little I guess not You were a little baby You were a little Fucking prude baby You don't jerk off To Carmen Deleuze

I definitely didn't Like jerk off I didn't know What it was That would prevent me If I was around for her I don't know What would prevent me

From being Her being my obsession Cause I Well you're gay That is my She's my Well no Cause I was like I guess her and Pam were around the same time.

Yeah. That's weird. Pam was probably I guess I like got onto Pam on like the Pam sex tape. I wasn't like Yeah, you were late. You weren't Baywatch, Pam?

No, and I watched an occasional Baywatch episode but that was definitely a little young for me. Like Baywatch My Baywatch was on for a year, right? Or something like crazy like that? It was not that she wasn't on it as much but um but yeah I think it is one of those things it's like the sex tape came out once she was already popular on Baywatch right but I'm trying to see what years it was oh so it did 11 did 11 seasons, first of all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she probably did like five. Oh, yeah.

So, dude, it's... Oh, so, dude, no. It was on for a year. Original Network, NBC, 1989 to 1990. Right. And then, so it's at 11 years. But then, first run syndication was 91 to 2001. So, does that mean it was on for 11 years,

but 10 years were just the same season going over and over? The show was canceled after its first season on NBC but survived through syndication and later became the most watched television series in the world with an estimated weekly audience of $1.1 billion despite consistently negative critical reviews. It probably was like they put that one season

into syndication and it crushed them. I do. I think that was the only season. No, no, because I mean, I know. Well, until 95, 97, Baywatch Nights came out. No, no, no, because they added Yasmin Bleeth and Nicole Eggert and Donna D'Erico. Maybe it was Cara Banks. They must have called something different then. I'm telling you, man.

There was so many girls who joined the cast of Baywatch over the years that there's no way it was one season. I mean, no, you're right. So, yeah, it keeps saying 11, but then it said it gets canceled after a year. I don't know. I don't know exactly what it was. 242 episodes, original network, 89 to 90. And then first run syndication must be something we're not understanding that

just means like it was running probably on the usa network like in real time but also yeah at the same time um but um yeah i mean there's so many smokes in here that they just kept they they were the like original like sideline chick you know there's so many smokes in here that they just kept. They were the original sideline chick. There's new girls on Baywatch every year that all look basically exactly the same. Jason Momoa. Oh, I didn't know that, actually. How about that? I wouldn't have said it, but...

I guess you knew that. Anyway, my point is that the... Carmen was not used. But also, my larger point is when a celebrity like this jumps on OnlyFans, they must be... Down and out? No, they must be like,

get me the fuck out of here fast. Because they've had... I'm sure they've had inappropriate things DM'd to them. I'm sure Carmen Electra doesn't check her DMs. Oh, you mean getting out of OnlyFans quickly?

When you're already rich, you're already famous or whatever, and you just have some dudes just being being like just fucking creatures in your messages you gotta be like all right this is not worth 50 bucks i i wonder though it's like she probably didn't even see that they just had someone ghost write it or which is i mean fucking asa had glennie ghost writing it yeah yeah yeah. Carmen Electra has it. But here's the thing. Somebody was asking the other day on a podcast I was listening to, like, who's someone you would genuinely pay for?

And I was trying to think, and, like, while Carmen Electra didn't pop into my mind, I'm going to give this a spin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it right now. We'll sign it right now. Yeah. Is she officially out?

I think so. This is joined. So, yeah. Okay. We'll sign it right now Yeah Is it Is she officially out I think so Joined It says Joined So yeah Okay Now this is definitely Going to be disappointing Oh

I mean without But like just send her something Crazy perverted In her messages I think I'm not going to do that Dude Send her something Like despicable

I think I think I will pass on that Why not Because I don't know That's not a good idea like despicable. I think I will pass on that. Why not? Because, I don't know. That's not a good idea. Here's the thing about OnlyFans.

I really don't know how to navigate. I want to see you get Carmel Archer to quit OnlyFans. Like, get a get a some kind of mask we have in this office, right? Send her a picture with like 50 bucks and be like, hey, little mistress. Wait, wait, do we have like, what's that old man mask Frank was wearing? Oh, God.

Do you want me to wear an old man mask? Yeah, yeah. Harass her with an Electra. Do you want to be shirtless in the old man mask, the balding mask, and be like, hey, little missy? No, hey, little cutie pie. Can Uncle Ricky see your salt? I mean, I'll say that.

With the picture? See, here's the thing. I just subscribe for free, okay? Right. That's why you got to get your money's worth of messages. First post says, a little nip slip never hurt anybody, right? With a bottle emoji. Baby bottle emoji.

Unlock post for $15. You can unlock it. It's going to be really disappointing. Whoopsies. My bathrobe seemed to have slipped. I hope the full frontal isn't too much for you to handle. Unlock for $50. Unlock it.

I could slurp on this all day. $5. So that's a on this all day. $5. So that's a popsicle. Yep. Fuck that one. Delish. Would you like to try my cake? This one is literally her just like with her hands.

But she's still sexy. She's still very sexy. Okay, let's unlock this $50. Let's do it. It looks expensive. This $50 spot. It's going to be ridiculous. It looks expensive.

Yep. Yup. Yup. Let's go. Little hearts are going. Oh, I'm going to be so disappointed in this. Of course you are. Everyone's going to be disappointed. Full frontal absolutely implies pussy.

Yeah. And I'm not getting it at all. It will be full frontal, but like, I mean, her lips are going to be closed. No, no, no. She's got fucking, she's got underwear on. She's got underwear on? Bro, see, this is the thing. This is a racket, dude.

Dude, that's a fucking scumbag move. That's false advertising. She's talking about false tits. That's false advertising. Class action suit right now. Everyone go buy the picture, and then we sue for class action. This is such... This just cost me $50.

I'm irate. I might rate. I am irate. Hang on a second. It was cool when she put her legs up. Hey, do it again. Yeah. This moment... Right...

Right there is pretty cool. Go ahead. Yeah, that's pretty cool. What was that? That'd be $50? No, that's insanity but you know what's funny if you told me like hey you want to see fucking carmen electro like in a thong put her legs up over the air and you like kind of see like that little like mountain of pussy you know

that little thing and you give me 50 bucks for that i'd probably be like okay but now that i've done it and it's in this thing i'm'm like, that wasn't worth it. Never. That was not worth it. Like, as we always say. I don't think I've ever spent a dollar on OnlyFans that was worth it. I guess not. Yeah. I mean, whatever.

I mean, like. See, the thing is, like, there are, I subscribe to No Face Girls thing. I subscribe to um i did the no jumper one almost out of like curiosity for the podcast i was like these motherfuckers are gonna do a podcast and then just fuck each other that's crazy they would just be like uh you know like so go to like you know blah blah use promo code and like okay and now like come suck my dick that's wild um but what you really need is like either you need to either know the person or they've got to go like a step beyond yeah it's like i'll just watch your porn you know what i

mean it's like if you're a porn star you better if i can bring the noise this ain't the noise i mean i mean look a nice little titty jiggle but how many people just dropped 50 on her i mean probably one of those things where you'll come out where she's like, I made $7 million today. Yep. Well, here's the thing. When did she come public with this? Today. Today was like I saw Connie.

Because as much as I say how many people just spent this, it's got six likes and five comments. No one likes shit. I'm the only fan. Okay, because they're hiding. I mean, I haven't really spent too much time at OnlyFans since my – What did I get? What did I get? I got Tigers OnlyFans.

I can't imagine why I haven't enjoyed any dollar I spent. I got Tigers. I got that, what, Ballathorn? That was so funny because you said that. You were like like thank you Tyga's like so genuine that sentence

I have not really been on OnlyFans since I bought Tyga's it was I had Bella Thorne Tyga Adriana Cechik

in a bikini and like there was someone else and the only person putting out nudes was Tyga so so my fucking my uh fucking uh And the only person putting out news was Tiger.

So my fucking news feed or whatever they call it was just Tiger's dick all the time. I was like, I'm done with this website. I'll tell you what. Should Ubaldo leave a comment right now about how frustrated I am? I think I'm going to leave a comment. Ubaldo's going to say, oh, we're going to leave a novel, baby. I'm going to say something like, hey, it's Uncle Tony. You know.

Let me see your souls. But spell them wrong. Spell souls wrong. Oh, you will. So he has to think about it. Like, what does he mean? Like, does he want to kill me or does he want to see my feet? What if I leave a manifesto being like, I grew up in the 90s, and I was looking forward to this ever since that poster hung in my bedroom.

Now I'm going to kill myself. Big explosion. Wait, let's leave that. Let's leave that exact comment. You know, I grew up in the 90s. I had your poster hanging in my room. In my room. What did I say?

And now I was so excited. I was so excited for Carmen Electra full frontal. Instead, it's just a fucking cloth-covered puss. Instead, it's just your cat emoji, because I don't want to be too crass. It's just your... Where's the cat? Do I do the smiley face cat? No, frowny face.

Cat. It's just your sad puss. I'll do, yeah, this one. The single tear. Instead, it's just your pussy. Your cloth-covered pussy. Cloth-covered pussy. And now I'm going to kill myself.

Hashtag big explosions. Hashtag big explosions. Hashtag big explosions. I'm glad you didn't like OnlyFans because you're going to get kicked off. I was going to say. I ran out of room. Wait. I-O-N-S. Nice.

Okay. You know, I grew up in the 90s. I had your poster hanging in my room. I was so excited for Carmen Electra full frontal. Instead, it's just your cloth-covered pussy. Now I'm going to kill myself. kill myself hashtag big explosions posted who baldo's not fucking around so she's gonna see like what the fuck this somehow is gonna get like oh let's see she she dm'd me hey babe thanks for the follow i'm showing it all off On my OnlyFans

What do you want to see Send a tip for a reply back I'm a busy girl Do you think that she's Do you think that she saw Like Bad Baby And was like I'm gonna go make

A hundred million dollars Or do you think she's like In like Trouble Like bad times I don't think People who look like Karma Lester

Ever end up in bad times Right So you think she's just like I'm gonna make cake Yeah I'm going to make cake. Yeah. I'm going to get better times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in good times, but I want better times.

Okay. All right. Am I the asshole if I leave anonymous comments on OnlyFans under the name Ubaldo threatening to kill myself? No. Am I the asshole for making sexy poses while my neighbor kept recording me for no reason oh boy right away my dad passed away recently and he left me 26 year old male and my sister 31 year old female his house it's super unkempt i've been doing a lot of yard work outside in the mornings i'm out there watering the glass grass in the mornings and the evenings every

time i've done this the neighbor right door, who's like this older granny, comes out to her porch and straight up watches me without even hiding it. I introduced myself to her once that me and my sister are new owners. The dad passed away, blah, blah, blah. It's obvious she didn't want to talk. Next thing, she started coming outside with her phone, pointing the camera right at me. I'm like, is there a problem? She says, there's no problem as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to.

I asked her, why is she recording me then? Neighbor lady goes, what's the problem with me recording if you're not doing anything wrong? It's so fucking weird, I didn't even know how to respond to the whole situation. Soon as I finished up and go back inside, she went back into her house. This happens every single day I'm outside watering the grass. Always the same excuse that she wants to make sure I'm not doing anything else, or if I do,

it's on camera. So yesterday I got fed up and decided to do something. When she came out with her iPhone, I stuck my ass out and then put my hand on my hip looking right at her. At first she was like, what the fuck? But then she got really mad when I started wetting myself with the hose and touching my neck. I don't know about this one.

Looking directly at her. Was it stupid? Yes. But she put her phone away and started cussing at me for being a pervert. My sister told me later on that she came out of the house when I was at work talking about me sexually harassing her, making poses in provocative ways. My sister says she's a pain in the ass, but I feel like I'm right on this one. It wasn't even that bad. Not like I was grabbing my balls or anything, but I can be a dumbass sometimes, so was I an asshole?

No. Under no circumstance. I think that you're an asshole really i think he's gonna punch his old woman in the face yes that's what you should do i'll punch you a lady yeah you shouldn't start posing sexy why i'd why that if that's if i'm whatever's mean or do that one i feel like this guy wants to pose sexy and this is his way of doing it. Dude, I don't think so. This is Dennis Reynolds bartending when Patty

becomes a gay bar and he's just the bell of the ball because he's always wanted to do that. Popping that ass, putting my hand on my hip, hitting myself with the hose, rubbing my neck. This guy just wants to do

this shit for grandma. I don't think so. I don't get that at all. I think if someone was just regularly filming me in the backyard while I was doing yard work, I'd be a dick about it, too. So you're going to give this old woman, she's not going to have footage of you being this fucking... Make that fucking pussy wet, dude.

Make that vibrate. Make that pussy cum for real. None of that faking shit. I haven't done shit since the FDR administration. Take that cloth off your pussy like Carmen. I'm going to make you cum, girl. I'd have my whole dick and balls out. I'd have to hold the whole thing up.

I was fucking holding that. I would helicopter. Have you ever used a... I do. I'd have a full... I would go in one night. I'd stay up all night. I'd learn a full fucking routine.

And I'd come out and that's just what I would do. Yeah, see, this is what I mean. This is what you would do. Oh, yeah? You film me? I'm going to be performing Queen. I'll be doing the unabridged version. Yeah, no, you gay, man.

If you're outside for whatever reason and you're just hosing yourself down being gay and shit, you gay. Dude, that's not gay. What's gay about fucking hosing yourself down? That's gay. Dude, you're gay. Dude, that's not gay. What's gay about fucking hosing yourself down? That's gay. Dude, you're gay. If you think that's gay, you're gay. You're the gay guy. I think making grandma hot and bothered.

I think this is crazy that anyone's defending Nana here. I'm not defending making grandma hot and bothered. I think this is crazy that anyone's defending Nana here. I'm not defending Nana. You're taking up arms for Nana. I am not. You are. I said she should be punched in the face. I know, and I said she should do whatever's worse, and it seems to be that you think this is worse.

I think it's worse for you. I don't think it's worse for me. I fucking feel sexy. Listen, you keep proving my point. I'm not. It is, it is definitively worse for an old woman to be socked in the face by a 26-year-old male

than it is for her to watch him dance. Yeah. What's worse for you is to have grandma It's to punch a lady in the face and have to deal with the police. No, no.

Yeah, I'm dealing with the police for this one. Because that's just regular fucking assault, brother. Yeah. What about when you're out there sexy dancing? Bro, I'm sexy dancing to my backyard. I didn't even know she was fucking assault, brother. Yeah. What about when you're out there sexy dancing? Bro, I'm sexy dancing to my back yard.

I didn't even know she was there. What are you talking about? Oh, no, no, no, no. She's like, I'm filming this man because he's a sexual pervert. No. No. No. Dude, this is crazy.

Does anyone agree with this? Yeah. You agree with who? I agree that. You're a fucking asshole weirdo if you start sexy dancing for a grandma? Yeah. Yeah. Matthew, you agree?

Yes. What are you fucking? Are you a pervert weirdo If you start sexy dancing for a grandma Yeah Matthew you agree? Yes What are you fucking You a pervert? What do you think? You're on my side Yeah Go ahead take them Which isn't exactly

Yeah I get it I get it I get it Oh I got Zach and Nate on my side I win the argument The I think that It is

Why not You're just being funny You're just dancing You're making her uncomfortable Because she's making you uncomfortable An eye for an eye I don't think this has anything to do with being funny I don't think this has anything to do with grandma

I think you just want to dance sexy I think you want to dance sexy I would not want to dance sexy for an audience I don't think that would be fun But if it makes her uncomfortable, it makes her mad, and calls me a pervert, then it's funny.

But then she's got you on camera being a pervert. But I'm not being a pervert by the letter of the law. I don't know. I'm in a bathing suit getting a little wet. That's not perverted. Did you watch Candy on Hulu? No. Fuck.

I've been busy watching Predacol's song. That's probably why I'm depressed. Well, that kills my fucking... Just things, you know, somebody puts out some evidence that you're sexy dancing and calls you a pervert. But I'm not sexy dancing!

You are. I'm not! You're popping that ass with your hand on your head when you're rubbing your water. Dude, this is a normal-ass way to say I'm water the grass. That's a normal-ass way

to say I'm water the grass. And then you start rubbing yourself and shit. Yeah, you're sexy dancing! I'm just dancing. Those hips started to move. Sorry sexy dancers. I'm not saying I'm just dancing. Sorry I fucking have sex appeal, but I'm just dancing. Well, then that's sexy dancing. If I'm sexy dancing, no matter how I'm dancing, that's on the viewer.

I'm just dancing. No, no, no. This is how I dance. Yeah, bro. This is not how you dance. That's sexy dancing. If I'm just fucking dancing and you're like, wow, that guy's sexy dancing. You've got a hose?

Maybe someone needs to look in the mirror is what I think. Oh, yeah, John, you like the sexy dancing. No, bro, I'm just dancing. You're the one who thinks I'm sexy. Nah. Yeah. You with the hose out. I'm a guy dancing, bro.

Listen, hand on hip, popping that ass. How else do you dance, dude? Fucking, that's different even that you're doing shoulders you're not doing air on hip and water in the air this sexy dancing I don't care what you say

that sexy dance with water falling that's sexy dancing we got a new kind of offense rain dance I got offensive with it Yeah, that's... Whoa, we got a new kind of offense here. Yeah, we got it. We got rain dance. Making it rain on these people. All right, I got offensive with it. You're right.

But not in the way you were talking about it. I don't know how it went right into Native American rain dance. That was wild. That's like when your accents all just end up becoming Jamaican or whatever. Okay. I mean... You want to talk now? I'm not sexy dancing

If I'm just blasting myself In the ass with a hose That's on you Turn myself into a fountain If you think that's sexual That's your fault That's on you lady Oh my god

Well I mean This is apparently A very 50-50 split So let us know We'll leave it to the people. Yeah, we rarely get these, so it's nice. All right, voicemails are brought to you by 3Chi.

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Rest of the squad? Got an M.I. the asshole for you. Excuse the outfit, but this one's a little sensitive and um gotta keep the identity hidden but basically i have a friend who's getting married and not the biggest fan of his girlfriend it's been a few years in the relationship fiance i guess i should say no one's ever and uh it's been a little hard you know she's a little controlling so when she's not around she tends to blow up his phone and gives him some anxiety um you know there's also a little bit

of a history with one of the other girls in our friend group you know they think he's always had a crush on her and his fiancee doesn't take too kindly to that and it's been an issue not gonna lie but you know at this point they're getting married right so you forget about all that so the am i the really comes in because a few weeks ago i found out that his fiance and his older brother who is straight and single have become good friends and decided that they were going to take a trip together now they have similar interests there's an event i can totally understand it but they went away for a weekend together just cuz no events no nothing i mean even if you're getting to know your significant other's

family like a day trip is fun but to spend the night together in a hotel together and they went to mystic connecticut like what's in mystic food some oysters you know the street the town itself is only like a 10 minute walk long i've been there it's where parents go on 30 year vacation. You know, it's, it's not a get to know your significant other's siblings. So the question is, am I the asshole? You know, because I haven't said something to my friend. I mean, they're obviously fucking right. So she's an asshole, but like, am I an asshole for not saying something? Um, am I an asshole for not saying something? Am I an asshole for making tons of jokes about it? You know, you guys tell me. Okay, so it's super weird.

That's super weird. I don't know if we need to leap right away to fucking, but something's up. That's weird. It's definitively bizarre. It's as strange as people who think they're going to come on the show. It's a very specific story. So specific.

And not get found out. I mean, I don't know how long it took to put on the mask and the hat and the sunglasses, but it was wasted time. That was time you could have better spent doing something else because... No one will know. Couldn't be me. I mean, yeah, like, you know, give me the sunglasses right there. We'll do this one incognito.

Nobody could possibly know that it's me, KFC. I think that, like, What is happening though? I don't know. It's too brazen to be in a relationship. Like you can't... Unless they're just hiding in plain sight. But like when he says it might not be for not saying anything, does he imply that the brother doesn't know?

That the room doesn't know? Yeah, it sounds like he wants to go and be like, they're fucking. But that's a leap. You know, you got to have evidence. To quote Einhorn from fucking Ace Ventura, a little something called evidence. I mean, if you don't have the goods on someone, you cannot accuse them of fucking. No, but it's just also...

I guess, does he know if you're going to stay in the same room? If you stay in the same room, it's insane. If you stay in the same room... I think it's even crazier. Like, you better be having an affair. Because what are you doing otherwise? I mean, they got a museum there. I'm sorry, an aquarium there.

But, like, why are they hanging out together? Kitchen Little has one of the best... Shut up about Kitchen Little! Oh, dude, if you know about Kitchen Little and Mr. Connecticut... Wait a minute. What? It is. Bro, they put it between two pancakes.

Okay. They put charisse, ground charisse between two pancakes. Wait, what's ground charisse? Oh, that's that Portuguese shit or whatever. It's like a spicy sausage. Yeah, I just want regular meat. But they put it between the pancakes. I've thought about using pancakes as sandwich bread before.

It is. It's very good. It's worth the trip. If they said we went to Kitchen Little for the breakfast. It's not a breakfast sandwich. It's like you eat it with a fork, but it's done sandwich style. I'm going to look up exactly what it says on the menu. Because it is.

I'm listening. If you go for that. That's the reason. But why would they not include him then? Because this guy sucks. because this guy sucks maybe this guy sucks it is all right kitchen little here it is menu bam i hope it's still there i went there in college i used to get a uh there was like a pizza place that did a burger that was like in a calzone thing instead of a instead of a regular bun and that was pretty fire but i've also thought about doing it with waffles.

That was my waffle-o sandwich was using two waffle fries as the bread on top of a buffalo chicken sandwich with blue cheese. Okay, so I think I blended together two separate sandwiches. You probably did something disgusting. So the pancake sandwich is two eggs over easy, cheese, and your choice of ham, bacon, jalapeno, I'm sorry, ham, bacon, jalapeno, bacon, sausage, or turkey sausage nestled between two buttermilk pancakes. I think what I did. And then there's another meal called the Portuguese Fisherman, which is spicy hot chorizo and linguiça from Fall River, scrambled together with two eggs, peppers, onions, and jalapeno cheese in a lightly spiced sauce served with Portuguese muffin. I think what I said to them, I think I said, can I do the pancake sandwich,

but can I have the Portuguese fish in between it? And, fellas, I think I did something. I think you did something. That is... You went Frankenstein on them. Yeah, I did. That's what Mustard said. Oof.

Oh, baby. Anyway, don't fuck your friend's sister. I mean, I could never. I think it's so bizarre to go on a day trip with your, and then an overnight with your siblings. Becoming good friends with your significant other family at all is weird. But it's funny. Yeah, I agree.

I agree. And you know what I think is funny? You're their friend. There are people that. I mean, I'm like, we're friendly, no doubt. I agree. And you know what I think is funny? You're their friend. There are people that... I mean, we're friendly, no doubt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like you. We're on a hangout.

It's like Seinfeld where they need the buffer, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jerry needs to be there for George and Elaine. I bet there are people who are close together who are going to call us

like weirdos and idiots and be like, just to be clear, you're the weirdo. You're fucking weird if you're doing this with your family. Hanging out with your family, in-laws, I don't even do it with the blood let alone the in-laws get out of here all right last one hey it's me again um first of all i will see you in

philly on thursday i'm bringing my two friends that i got onto kfc radio so you're welcome and second of all i'm going to try to make this as quickly as possible we're going to do a little story time with a question at the end um so it was like a few weeks ago uh it was fuck someone's dad weather outside so i went out in philly that's like an hour away from my house um with one group of friends and then another group was like there and ended up texting them you know how like can you just you could put it in and then summarize it for us naturally i just end up ubering to that college party and whatever. So guess I'm having a good time there. I don't know.

I'm fucking blacked out. And at some point, like 2 o'clock in the morning, I don't even know what fucking time, I decide to leave, don't have my shoes on, just left anything that I brought to the party at the party and just start walking around my college town um like a lost little puppy dog my phone is dead um end up in the trailer park by there and some man comes outside he's like come on in he decides to adopt me come on in him and his people are like get in my house

so naturally i go in um sit in front of the oven to get warmed up then he gives me a jacket because i literally only have this shirt on and a pair of je oven to get warmed up, then he gives me a jacket, because I literally only have this shirt on, and a pair of jean shorts, I'm barefoot, so he gives me a jacket and socks, and lets me charge my phone, and, um, at some point, I was like, this is, this is weird, I'm gonna leave, um, rightfully sobering, um, so I left, but where the fuck am I going, where am I going, because I live a half hour away. My car is a half hour that way. And, yeah, I have a phone. So let me call two of my friends. They don't answer.

And so I text my ex that lives, like, five seconds down the street. He doesn't answer because it's 3.30 in the morning at this point. So I'm like, I should go back to the trailer park, man. Right? Yeah, sure. So I go back to the trailer park. And I'm like what fucking trailer is it i don't know so i just lay down on a random mattress outside of a trailer i

love this and mr trailer park man his spidey senses were tingling so he came outside and was like girl what the fuck are you doing i was like i don't know and he was like get the fucking sign i was like okay so he adopts me again um lay down on the couch um with the dog and then he comes out of his bedroom he's like you're not gonna steal any of my shit are you and i was like no like you just adopted me you just invited me into your house now i'm gonna steal your shit i'm in a trailer my life um whatever go to sleep wake up at like 6 30 i don't know um and i'm like yeah i'm gonna peace out um take off my jacket that he gave me and my socks because i in fact told him that i was not going to steal anything and i didn't um so i just start walking to my friend's house that's

like a mile and a half down the road um don't have a key whatever texting him seeing if he's awake whatever um and as i'm walking a cop pulls me he pulls me over as i'm walking um and he's like ma'am are you drunk and i was like no and then he's like do you need a ride like where you going i was like to my apartment um so he's like you want to get in the car and i was like sure um this is the second fucking time this year i've been in the back of a cop car not because i'm arrested um so he gives me a ride home um to my friend's house and i proceed to tell him about the blisters on my feet and my feet just aren't as tough as they used to be and he agrees with me um dropped me off at my friend's apartment he ends up being at work at 8 a.m on a fucking sunday

who the fuck works at 8 a.m on sunday so i sit outside his apartment um waiting for my other friend to come pick me up and then that's when i realized i don't have any of my belongings including my car keys so when my friend picks me up she takes me to the party that i was at the night before where all the doors are fucking locked and i have to break into their house to get my fanny pack that has my car key and then eventually go and get my car in Philly. And as it was happening, and after I made a TikTok about it, maybe I'll post that too, whatever. I was like, this is the most Jackie thing that I've ever done. I have some Jackie moments, but this is the most Jackie moments I've ever had.

So what is the most Jackie moment you have ever had? It is a good – that could have just been like, Jackie's crazy, what's the most crazy Jackie moment you've ever done? No way a good... That could have just been like, Jackie's crazy. What's the most crazy story No way, dude. That was a great story. Dude, she slept in a trailer park. She slept outside of a trailer park

on a mattress. Until a guy woke up and said, come inside and sleep in my trailer. And she was like, okay, word. That's a good story. No, there are times where like,

yeah, the ending question, the voice will be like, here's the question. That was a good story. At no point was I like, all right, whatever. That was a good story. At no point was I like, all right, whatever. That was like... I mean, she went to a trailer park,

a random guy with a pipple, twice. I don't know if I'm allowed to answer this question as I'm the male Jackie. I probably have... Basically, every day of my life is...

Yeah, I mean, your park bench one is... The park bench one is super Jackie. We also now know the... I've fallen asleep in day of my life is. Yeah. I mean, your park bench one is. The park bench one is super wacky. We also now know the. I've fallen asleep in plenty of bathrooms, though. We now know that you are also just, like, you know, forbidding yourself to contact your parents because. I wasn't forbidding myself.

I just said, don't call me until you're home. Yeah, and I didn't go home. So I was just, like, I was following rules. The park bench is for sure one but I mean I've slept outside in cars before and like

I've had police wake me up and be like what are you doing for sleeping in a car yeah me and my buddy were passed out

in a car in Newport we got kicked out of our friend's house because he punched my friend in the face and he's like you guys aren't sleeping

he said you're not sleeping here tonight to my buddy who punched him and I was like it was November and I was like I get it that's fair he punched you in's like you guys aren't he said you're not sleeping here tonight to my buddy who punched him and i was like it was november and i was like i was like i get it like that's fair he punched you in the face yeah uh but i can't leave him alone so i'm gonna go with him and then we

kind of roamed parks for a while and then we fell asleep in a car like and then a cop was up like six thirty in the morning because the car was running which was so cold it was november yeah yeah yeah yeah right right uh the i that girl, I wonder if she practiced this. That was four straight minutes of just off the rip. No hesitations. No ums. Oh, wait a minute. Hang on.

Let me go back. That was just stream of consciousness. Yeah. From the trailer park to the fucking. She was talking fast. She was trying to keep it short, but it was a long story. She tried. She tried her best.

She was like, I'm going to try to keep it short. Longest voicemail we ever had. She was trying to keep it short, but it was a long story. She tried. She tried her best. She got on the train and tried to keep it short. Longest voicemail we ever had. What was the conclusion? No, she broke into the house, got her car. She did a B&E. She slept in a trailer park. She slept on a mattress outside a trailer park. That one is wild.

She got bedbugs. I mean, no clearer way to get bedbugs. What about just no Uber? She had her phone. Why not just get a car home? Money? Is it too expensive? It's like at that point, I don't know, going to overdraft, girl.

Yeah. No, girl, don't ever sleep outside of a fucking. Half hour Uber is pretty expensive. Yeah, but don't ever sleep outside of a fucking trailer park. Don't sleep inside of a trailer park. Don't ever sleep inside a trailer park. I think inside is better than outside. I don't know, dude.

There's a dude with a pipple that says, get in my trailer, and you're like, fuck. I know, but it's better that at least there was an invite in as opposed to a kidnapping. Yeah, he could have just grabbed you. Right, the fact that he said come in, it's almost like, ah, he's a good dude.

What could go wrong here? He invited me in. Yeah, I mean, I just slept in the back of the car in the Jersey Shore. And you can't sleep on the beach? Yeah, I slept on beaches in the Bahamas. Yeah, what's up with that? I can't sleep on the beach. Like, a bunch of my buddies slept in a tent on the beach

and the police came and they're like, what the fuck are you guys doing? And they're like, ah, there wasn't any beds left in the house so we just pitched a tent on here and they're like,

you can't do that. It's a big deal. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I also wouldn't do a tent. One of the worst. I would just sleep on a towel. It gets cold at night though, man.

Put on a sweatshirt. You'll be all right i uh when i waking up in the back of a uh a volvo we called it hotel volvo ever since that one day like crammed it was when the seagull was on top of the car through the moonroof and i woke up and i was like oh my god what is this and i so hungover. It was like a thousand degrees in the car. And it was like the worst ten seconds of my life where I was like, I'm dead. I'm dying. There's a fucking animal on top of me.

Like, what's happening? I think they said that the doors opened up and we both spilled out of the car onto the fucking driveway that was gravel like what the where are we what's going on but uh nothing that compares to a dirty mattress outside the uh no the the the trailer park i did i did it in osterville once and like the you know like the original prius where like the whole back you could see in yeah yeah yeah i'm totally naked like with another person just totally naked in the backseat of it. And then woke up because it was like the Osterville cyclist race. Oh, shit.

It was just like minutes to hours of cyclists just going by us. Like, just naked. Starfishing out there. What the fuck? All right, let's get into our interview. Mike Cannon. I got to say, without, I don't mean this to be in a rude way, but Mike Cannon might be the number one, like, funnier. He doesn't get the credit he deserves.

His funny is not equal to, like, his level yet. He is so far ahead of the game and deserves to be up there with all your other favorite comics. He's one of my favorite guests. Absolutely one of my best. Mike's always great. One of the best podcast guests. His comedy's on point.

He's always got, like in Friday Night Pints, he would always just assassinate someone real quick and is one of the funniest guys out there that really deserves to be top of the charts in the podcast and selling out clubs and theaters and stuff. And White Privileged Homeless is out now. Free special on YouTube.

And the stories that we tell here on this podcast, particularly the last one that he tells, is an all-timer. So Mike Cannon on KC Radio is brought to you by SimpliSafe. You want to make sure you stay safe. You want to make sure that you protect your home or your trailer park. Make sure that nobody's sleeping outside of it in a mattress. You want to make sure that no one's breaking in, looking for their keys. Basically any of the behavior of that girl, you want to make sure that you're safe from that. You got to go to SimpliSafe.

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Terribly. Not good at all. I'm jacked up. Everything now is out of my hand for this week. You know what I mean? I'm going out. I'm promoting the special. I've spent all my money.

All that stuff. And now it's just like, we'll see. Right. We'll see. This could go well. It could be a catastrophe. And as a irish fatalist oh that's not like necessarily the best place to be this is my canon's funeral it's the last time you know from this is gonna go terribly because we are just irish pricks who always expect the worst

yeah dude i mean i spent all of it on it we'll see you know it's either now when this goes good or my son doesn't eat and we'll see which dies first. When you say you spend a lot, which dies first? That's amazing. When you say that, are we talking like you emptied out the savings? No, no, I'm good. But spend a lot, right? A substantial amount of money, and I'm happy to do it because I can't make concessions. I'm not the type of person that could just be like, oh, I'll cut that bit.

Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean. See, I am. You're offering money? I'll say whatever you want me to say then. Well, that's also... I've never been offered money, so who knows what I would do. Oh, I will do anything for money. I'll suck

a fuck, I'll sell my soul. I wasn't that kid growing up, the kid who put mashed potatoes into chocolate milk and then drank it. But I've become that kid as an adult. Yeah, I'll do whatever for money. And maybe this is a good question for you since you have a son. Recently, I think we had a question

from a viewer or something along the lines of, give one piece of advice to your kid right now. That's not something corny. Yeah, yeah. And I think either I said or somebody said, don't be the kid who does weird shit for money. Oh, that's such a great thing.

But I was like, let other people do it because you don't want to be the guy eating, you know, like a piece of goose shit for $5, which is something like I absolutely know of somebody who did that. I've done it once. I've been that kid once and it was I played football one year.

I played football my senior year of high school. That's weird. Did you play one year? I had an alcoholic soccer coach and I was really good at soccer. Started on varsity, was like the third leading scorer behind seniors. My junior year where like colleges

were actually starting to write introductory letters and shit. I get inexplicably benched. I'm just done for the entire year. I mean, granted, I didn't have the best attitude, but it was just... And I was playing Gaelic football at the time, so I constantly was getting yellow cards, sometimes

red cards. I was just being an asshole. But my coach also didn't... He was a math teacher. He was just getting the extra five grand per year to do this. He had no idea what soccer was or anything, so he just benched me instead of talking to me or inspiring me or connecting with me whatsoever.

But also, I feel that. The coaches who do really... If you're like a top-notch program, it's one thing. At Pelham High School, I'm not expecting someone to be like, I need to mold you as a man. I'm expecting them to be like, I don't know, man. You fucking stunk that at your bench. Yeah, but also, it is crazy when you

think about there really isn't anyone who is better. There's no one chomping at the bit for the job. But it is crazy when you think, that dude, you said they were in college writing introductory letters. That dude had his complete power over you entering hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt

and getting a scholarship to a D3 school. Thanks, coach. Appreciate it, buddy. You son of a... But wait, basketball was your thing overall, right? Basketball was my thing. Yeah, I was better at basketball, and I ended up playing junior college basketball. But soccer, I may have had more of a future in, because I was just built better.

Better way guy. Yeah, exactly. I was a little stronger than some of the other guys. I played Gaelic football, so I was super physical. Body in them. Yeah. It was just all that. But then I was like, fuck this some of the other guys. I played Gaelic football, so I was super physical. Yeah, it was just all that. But then I was like, fuck this. I'm playing football.

I'll be with my friends. I was going to be the kicker only. I ended up starting defensive back. It was great because I played basketball, so I could D up on somebody. And then at camp during three days, which was like the most homosexually erotic experience of my entire life. Just dudes being dudes being gay. And I put mineral ice on my nuts for $9. It would have been $10, but my friend Justin

said no after I did it. So I was like, that's it. And that's like icy hot? Like it just burns your shit? Yeah, dude. So it's beyond icy hot. It's like more potent, or at least I've never put that on my bag, but mineral ice itself. And we're doing like on the sack or the taint or the whole. Dude, on all my balls.

Like caked. Asshole to fucking dick almost. Dicked my nuts. Dude, I sat on the toilet and cried because it felt like somebody was legitimately speed bagging my nuts with ice cubes. And you can't like, you can't get it off, right? It's like, you can't wash it off. No, washing it off, that felt. Water makes it off, right? It's like, no, washing it off.

That makes it worse. Right. It felt like cold fire. Yeah. That's the icy hot. It's like those kinds of things. They, they,

that's a weird feeling where you're like, ah, it's so cold. I will say when it stretched back to the asshole though, that's when it became a little enjoyable. That's when you learn what kind of lover you really were. I was like, store that for later.

Yolanda morning gift. Like was like, store that for later. Alonzo morning gift. Like, not so bad. We had that kid. We had a Providence College hockey camp, which is exactly like three days where it's just, well, hockey is like,

we're going to run like two odd ones over here. You're going to skate line to line over here. And you suck that guy's dick over there. We had a kid. It was an overnight camp, so we'd stay in the dorms at Providence College. We had this kid. I don't know if it would get better in between,

but he would go door to door, everyone's door. We would just wait for him at night. We'd be like, oh, baby, Justin might be coming tonight. He'd knock on the door. He'd have a fucking tube of Icy Hot in his hand. He'd be like, you guys got five bucks? Pull his pants down and just fucking slap it on.

Nice. And then we'd get to hold fans. Oh, my God. So we'd get to hold his pants. He'd be like, ah! I'm going to get my money's worth tonight. Oh, my God. Put that on.

No oscillating. Just fucking right on there. Wow. I've finally been, like been affected by a joke. I recoiled. I knew what that felt like. Oh, my God. It's also the exact opposite of basketball camp because basketball camp, if you shower

in your underwear, you're a homo. It's insane. Justin's coming. That was the same thing I inadvertently Was the guy But what I did Was I got cheese pizza And I mean

I didn't order it I was like a kid But there was cheese pizza And we got X-Lax Oh And we put it under the cheese Like pills What?

And then I accidentally ate it Nice So you were just gonna like Slide it to somebody And not tell them It was just like I was like Was it like a

Russian roulette sort of thing Like you don't know Which slice has it Yeah it was a full thing And it was just like And then you And then you just Dude I had like three bites

And I was like Oh no Oh no It was It was I was like fuck Dude that happened to my friend Hector in middle school

I think somebody put Somebody put X-lax In his drink This was maybe a top top five most embarrassing moment for i think any human being who's existed on earth he drank the x-lax uh you know in the thing somebody goes x-lax and then they dumped ketchup on his head like the tub of ketchup they just poured it on his head wait how old is this this is like middle school like seventh grade yeah i just it's like evil it is so primal and idiotic and hilarious yeah it's just like yes i wish we were still doing that today yeah i mean he killed himself right after

listen you want to hear a good one i can't think of anything more like more shaming than like you're you're taking an Ex-Lax shit, which is it's coming out fast and furious, but you haven't had time to shower yet, so it's just... Ketchup is just dripping into your lap. You got your head in your hands like, oh, this is fucking... Sticky from ketchup while blowing out your ass. How about this

For the mix I feel like you particularly will love this one This is all timer This went like pretty viral He got 32,000 Likes on it This is our guy Big Ev here My friend is getting married today

Went out and hit it hard last night He was hurting so he woke up and took what he thought was three Advil. Apparently it was three Xanax. Yes! Yes! That is the shit. You know, that dude, he was getting married

at 4, so he's getting married at 4.30. He's sound asleep and all the grooms are getting ready. That dude's life, or you know, the biggest moment of his life, whatever, is about to be absolutely ruined and everyone else is going, Yeah. This is awesome! Dude, that's like me. I thought I was taking a bump

of B12 at my wedding, but it was coke. It was weird. It was weird how that worked. I know a guy who, his bride asked him, the only thing she said is please don't do coke and he snapchatted like everybody

saying like something like blah blah blah told me not to or whatever but he tagged her as well and sent it to her she was like the one fucking thing he said update he's talking and moving he's in the shower getting ready luckily they weren't high doses Xanax so it's starting to look okay.

He knows what happened. None of the bridal party has Twitter, so please do not tell the bride. So we thought he was going to get away with this, but this is what I loved. The cat's out of the bag. Surprisingly not from these tweets. His soon-to-be wife called him to check in that he wasn't too drunk because he's a party animal. And he said, quote, quite frankly, it's much worse. I took a few Xanax by accident, but I love that.

I almost picture him doing that Casablanca voice, like, quite frankly, my dear, it's way worse. This is going to be a difficult day for you and our entire family. This thing we've been planning, it's totally ruined. I mean, I don't know what, you know, doses just must have been very low or whatever. If I take, you know, a little smidge of Xanax, I don't know what, you know, doses just must have been very low or whatever. If I take, you know, a little smidge of Xanax, I'm pretty much done.

You know, I'm out of commission. If I took one, if I took three, I'd probably be like in the hospital. I don't know. It hits me different than. I feel like I'm Charlie Kelly. I could take a set of those. You know what I mean? I used to take Klonopin. I took a Klonopin before doing warmup for Seth Meyer test episode.

Oh, wow. Yeah, because I was like Pikachu, dude. I was electric anxious. I could not settle myself. I have an emergency Klonopin that was not prescribed, but just in case in my little pocket. And I was like, it's now or never. I got to figure this out.

So I took it, and it brought me to a level where I was just kind of anxious. Regular, yeah. And this was like horse level, should have put me down shit, I found out later. But I just kind of went up, had a great set. Well, that shows you didn't get the job. Bro, we used to blow Klonoplin. Yeah.

You get that icy feel down. We used to do. My buddy's dad passed away. He had a brain disease. And I don't know why I'm laughing but he got he got he had prescribed just like oh she just had gobs of it the house was just full of what an inheritance you guys can keep the house in the car I'm out of we could just fucking crush up climbing and we like and we would do too much because it tasted good yeah like it was like it's ice like like

it's icy like oh this feels good little a little breath fresher winter winter green a little winter fresh the drip is nice like take more that's my i had a bunch of buddies die in kind of a condensed amount of time but one of my friends died and the first time i did stand-up comedy was like at his death party like the night that he or yeah the day after he yeah we all came down and i, I did like a half a gram or close to a gram of Coke, which I would not recommend. I've since not done it. And,

and also like a Zanny bar and a half. So this was like attempting to end our lives. And then I'm up and like doing comedy in front of my friends. And I'm a waitress. And then I had, I had a version of sex in somebody's, in the backseat of somebody's car right after that.

Does this even count, though? Yeah, I mean, she was definitely in there and I was in there, but I don't know if I was in there. A version of sex. It was more mashing than anything else. Yeah, you are Superman, bro. Yeah, yeah. It was more grinding than anything. She probably just got the nub.

That is wild, man. man dude if there's if there's coke in the area code i'm just like i'm not having sex tonight well you were this is still like high school days all right this is college so i didn't even i didn't even like this is why i fucked up is i didn't drink all through high school and through two years of college because i thought i was going to the nba and uh and then I hit the ground running. So I just started doing everything immediately, and I had no baseline. Got to make up for time. Exactly. But I was that asshole that everybody's been drinking since they were 15,

and they don't care, and they can have six beers and be fine at a party. I get to the party a half hour late, and I'm like, how many have you had? Four? Great. I'll take eight. And then I ruin the party for everybody. That was just my steez for three years, dude. We were talking.

I was at a Mets game the other day with Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope, the guys from Stuff Island, and they were making a beer snake, or a cup snake at the game, and O'Connor was telling the story of the last time he did one of those beer wizard things, you know, where you make the staff, and he was, like,, where you make the staff. And he was, like, trying to have the biggest staff or whatever and ended up, like, getting so blackout drunk that he started crying. Because what happened was,

kind of what you're talking, the point was, like, I got so drunk I ruined the party. Because he, like, all these girls come over from out of town or whatever it was, you know, like, the town over. And one guy said something like, you know, you're really acting like canon really acting like canon man and like that was the guy that the group hated you know and so he was like i was like he had a friend named so dumb i'm like wow oh shit cool that's pretty cool whoever it was was like you know they talked about him behind his back of how much they hate him and he was like you guys think that I'm like that?

Balling, drying, blacked out. that's fun. Ruin the party. I think, you know, quite like, I actually very rarely did that.

But one time, I was, I was probably older. I was probably 25. And my cousin had died recently. And I probably just wasn't processing that or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

And I was, they found me. It was, I went to the Drift in the Hamptons.ons the all those guys who own wrath bones and tin leaves for a good story what do you lead with they found me yeah so they found i was i don't know what i was doing i was they they it was the first time i got introduced to jmo bombs instead of uh jaeger bombs they were doing jameson and i was i i think I had the wherewithal to try to get to the exit, but I just stood up against a wall by

the exit and they collected me. Holy shit. We were in one of those Hamptons. They have vans that take 20 people home and I was just like, He's dead! People were like, oh, what the fuck? That's the best. Just misplaced

Irish emotion just flying out of us at every, like, just at the worst time imaginable. People are trying to celebrate a birthday or something. And you're like, you don't understand. I haven't felt this yet. And shit from, like, years ago, you know? Yeah. Oh, my God. This is rotten.

I remember doing that at my friend's funeral where I was, like, I was not crying. And I was just like, this is going to come out in a weird way i know like i just i just know if i can't cry here like this is gonna come out and it's gonna it's gonna ruin some people's weeks oh yeah do you know do you know how many of my college friends had to watch a newly drinking mike cannon cry and punch himself in the face over past trauma and abuse like so many and then i'd like call my sister and she'd like be like should i call the ambulance like you're you're not well dude no i got fine then the next morning i'd call her be like crazy night last night and that that is so fucking funny when it's like, well, if I could just shed a couple tears at this funeral, which would be totally fine.

Everything will be all good. But it's probably going to ruin my relationship in a month. Dude, I was. How about that? Boy, is this going to come out on a woman? It's like, I am really going to take this out on some poor gal. Straight goodwill hunting. I am going to fucking push her away and ruin her.

I was wearing sunglasses at the funeral because I was embarrassed to be the one who wasn't crying. Wow. I know that. Yeah, dude. I was like, yeah. I plucked a few nose hairs. I don't like people to see my tears. I've know that. Yeah, dude. I was like, yeah. I plucked a few nose hairs. I don't like people to see my tears. I've done that.

I plucked a few nose hairs, but I, like, sneezed on the corpse instead of crying. I'm like, this is just insane. That is one of the realest stereotypes ever. I'm sure maybe some other groups have that guilt and bad ability to process emotion. I think we all do. But we put it in different ways. I don't think of myself. I'm not like an Irishman. You know what I mean? I'm an American.

I don't get behind any of that shit. But, I don't know. There's something to my absolute inability to process shit. Maybe it's because I'm Irish Catholic. Maybe it's just because I'm an immature dickhead. Whatever it is. It's also mostly because your parents were Irish Catholic.

This is generational trauma, baby. It just comes down. I mean, as a parent, I'm sure you recognize this too, but all the stuff that you notice now that your parents tried not to do and failed miserably at not becoming their parents, their mission statement, this is not how I'm going to do it. I'm at like not becoming their parents their state their mission statement this is not how i'm gonna do it i'm gonna break the cycle yeah and then they go and break your face instead it's like all right i guess i'll try i'll try to slow that one down i've had moments

on a much less like serious uh level of like things that i was like all right i'm gonna like do this as a dad yeah like whatever and then like moment arrives, and I can do that and put in extra effort, or I can be like, here's a bowl of macaroni and cheese. We can just keep having fun for the day. A teaching moment presented itself. I just don't want to teach right now. How about another round on the monkey bars? This is how it starts.

This is how you start mailing it in. Sometimes you've got to give the kid a Xanax you know every once in a while they're just yelling running around but that was i i like have never i've never given my kid so far a screen to shut him up like it's been it's been almost three years and i've done an okay job at like for you bro i'm a energy filled clown so all i he's a captive audience for me, so that is perfect. He feeds my narcissism. My wife can go fuck off, and me and him are just in our own world,

and I'm just like, what? You're an idiot. But we were at, I just did Roar Comedy Club in Springfield, Mass. At the MGM. And we went to this nice steak dinner. They give you a per diem. It's great.

So we go there with my kid, and he's having a great time. And then just that snap. Like out of nowhere. He's like, fuck this. Fuck you. And fuck you. I'm not listening to anything.

Give me a knife. Like he's like grabbing at all the utensils, trying to harm everything. And then finally, after like minutes of negotiating and not getting anywhere, I was just like, Cocomelon melon you piece of shit i'm like here have some child crack soak up this government mind control that's exactly what that is that show is insane it's the most cucked out father of all time every song is like the mother she does everything and then he bounds in like like god damn i want to pistol whip the father from coco melon

as you say that you're the clown who's like exactly exactly he shines a mirror that i'm not ready to see dude i i am sure that you know there's something to not putting them in front of a screen and watching all that shit the my kids know so much shit from from youtube that's like kind of impressive like i don't know the other day she can she counted to 10 in spanish and i was like that's amazing i didn't teach you that did you their mom was like no i know they're not doing in school i was like score one for youtube yeah let's go yeah yeah but then she asked me the other day oh she said something like um she said, can tornadoes kill you? I was like,

nope. That was one of those. That's right. I should have said, why don't we call Uncle John about this? John has a very strict rule. He's like, I promise you. I've made one guarantee in my life. I guarantee I don't die in a tornado.

I have. If I saw it, I a tornado. I have. Dude. If I saw it, I'd just go somewhere else. One just. I mean, that's foolproof, dude. Imagine it just whips up right at your feet, though. Well, that's the thing. It's like, you know, sure, they can come out of nowhere.

But we know it's going to be like, you know, in the breadbasket in Kansas, Nebraska, whatever. If you live there. And it drops on your house. It's like a block wide. Just don't go to that block that day. I do think we're going to start getting tornadoes in New York. We started to dabble with the hurricanes. There's always like a tornado watch, but I don't think anything's ever touched down.

No, but I think it's going to get bad. The day that Twista rips through some of these densely populated areas. Yeah. But I feel like they can't. Let's just hope it's downtown Brooklyn. Well, I remember. Just whips all the peanut butter allergic kids directly into the fucking river, and then we're a stronger city because of it.

We named that tornado Darwin. He came through. Do you remember the areas? When did we move to New York? You weren't around for Sandy, right? No. I was. Yeah.

Remember the flood zones? Yeah. And I remember being like, well, flood A can go. Flood C can kick rocks. A lot of the outer boroughs, they're like the hipsters in Brooklyn. I think that actually is bad. I think I have a blog that was celebrating, like, the hipsters are gone. The Guineas and Bensonhurst are out.

The hipsters are done. 2012, what a time. Meanwhile, we were on the Upper East Side at Normandy Court. Oh, that's where my wife lived. Yeah, that's where all of our demographic lives. We got an ungodly amount of booze, weed, and snacks. And huddled up in this high rise. Nothing happened. So we were like, nothing happened to us.

So clearly nothing happened to anybody else. This storm was a bust on Twitter. And people are like, I lost my dog, my daughter, and my house. I ran out of Doritos early. I was in North Carolina. Right. my daughter at my house yeah they just found my house early carolina that's the best part about a natural disaster though is the excuse to live like a pirate yeah you like i was playing my wife was away at the time we were living on 78th and york and actually right outside of my building a uh one of those what are the electrical stations call like a charger it exploded caught a couple cars on fire like it was a big thing

but i mean yes yeah exactly so me and my buddy at like 9 a.m i wouldn't wake up that early for like disciplined reasons but we'd wake up at 9 a.m start playing poker and ripping whiskey yeah early in the day because you can't't always. Why the fuck not? You have no responsibilities. It's amazing. An adult snow day is one of the greatest things in the world. And those were like the mother of all of them. Because you had people planning for days.

It was like a snow day that you absolutely knew was coming. So you're like, you know, I had a couple of friends who were in the flood zones. They were like, I got to come hunker down with you. I was like, this is great. It's like a sleepover for adults. And then, you know, but a bunch of people like lost their lives. It is. But it is sick. I's like a sleepover for adults. But a bunch of people lost their lives. But it is sick.

I mean, you're right with the natural disasters. And there are times when you're watching the news, you're hanging out with the boys, and you're like, this could get a little worse. Exactly. We just need to turn it up a few more times. Maybe squeeze another week out of this. A couple of downed trees? Yeah.

I remember getting a little bit of that hurricane hysteria because it was like Isabel and then a couple others. And I remember it being like it was downgraded when it made landfall. And I remember being like, oh, man. Which is like such a scumbag thing to think. It sucks. Yeah. It's a tropical storm now. What are we fucking?

Weather blue balls. Pussies. Yeah. I mean, that's straight from, I think that's programmed in us from, you know, you're going to get 12 to 18 inches, you're going to miss school for a week, and then you get like a fucking flurry. Every homeless guy in town's going to die.

Yeah, but I have a pop quiz tomorrow, so. Well, that was the crazy part about Sandy as well, is like, once everything blew out, then they also couldn't get their medication, so like methadone was scarce, all all that stuff i remember like walking downtown to do shows in candlelight like right after that that's how much of an addict i am but i would chris de seven oh and i were walking downtown and it was night of the living dead i am legend shit just people off

their meds like that right it is why fucking ignorance is the best. Because, like, I don't need to know that it affects the fucking medicine and how it gets to people. I wanted to think it rains pretty hard for a few days and then everything goes back to normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People in Jersey are just like, we are still living the ramifications of Sandy.

Oh, you'll love this story. Sandy, you'll love this.. Sandy, you'll love this. We're all great in this one. Do you follow the foreplay guys at all, the golf guys here at Barstool? Yeah, yeah. Do you know Frankie Borelli? Yeah. Okay, so he's also the pizza guy.

Frankie was down in New Orleans. I think one of their classics was down there, one of their golf. But whatever, they're in New Orleans. And ESPN 990 or whatever wants to have them on and they're like a local new orleans uh show and for whatever reason they both were going into it kind of like i think i think there was drama at barstool and they didn't want any drama and they were like let's just get in and out clean don't even be funny we don't have to push the envelope like let's just talk about some golf and get out of here with no drama and first question they ask him they go if you could have a

song uh like a walk-up song as you approach the t-box what would it be and he was like i don't know like pink floyd when the levees go when levees break and like a genuine answer and the guy the guy took took off his headset whoa brother i'm not in this town i'm Not in this town Not in this town Which was probably The nicest reaction He could have given him Yeah But like

Frankie Frankie looked it up And I can't remember I think he said There's something like Like a hundred million songs Are on like Apple Music Like there's a hundred million

Songs in existence And he said The one In the one town Where you can Genuinely not trying to be funny He's like I love I think it's that Led Zeppelin

It's like old school it's classic rock It's got like a great intro So it makes sense to walk up to the T-Bone And he's just like It's like on 9-12 in New York Being like we didn't start the fire Do you remember that with Sandy When oh man man, I remember

I got a lot of hate on this from Twitter Bon Jovi did a Sandy thing And he sung his big song Well, cause I can't go home Or whatever the fuck it was It was like, you know, something about going home And I was like, they can't, John They fucking can't

That's why we're doing this Like, just do fucking the other one That everybody loves Don't do the home. That's why we're doing this. Like, just do fucking the other one that everybody loves. Don't do the home ones. That's crazy. He's trying to be heartfelt. It just backfired. Good for him.

Everybody else, you know, maybe I'm just a cynical asshole. Everyone else was like, this is so sweet. I was like, again, that was 2012. You know, those were the days where we don't point that out. I don't know. No, that was the days when we should have been like, fuck Bon Jovi. Crazy. Crazy, man.

It's like in Veep when they have Sting is like Selena Meyers' walkout song. Then she gets caught in this scandal where they were searching people's data. And the song is like, I'll be watching. Oh, yes. It just can't be the song. It makes sense. You're right. You can't do that.

That's a hard question to be put on the spot for. It's like something you almost have to have it predetermined because every single time a sound guy at a club is like, so what do you want? You freeze. I have no idea. Am I in sync? Like, bye-bye.

I immediately am like, I don't know. There are things where it's like I don't have any faith in myself and I don't – not like the walk-up type. I'm going to hit a home run at the plate, so I'd probably play like, you know, I'm Sorry by Akon. Dude, if I was like – like Schultz is perfect for the explosions, the pyrotechnics, the drop the cape. If I did that, one of the pyrotechnics would like hit me in the temple. I'd die pre-show, and then everybody would be better for it. That's so true, man.

I struggle. We do a show like once a month. Yeah. So we don't have that. You did the Wilbur, right? How was that? It was awesome. The Wilbur was really cool.

But because we don't have material, we just kind of do a show. Sometimes we go into a show with not that great of material, but shit just seems to fall into place. So every time I'm going out, I'm kind of nervous, and I struggle so much with just getting on stage. You're better about it. You have more energy. You kind of run out and jump a little bit and dance. I literally just walk to the table and sit down.

I'm like, hi, it's time to start the show. Isn't that weird? I hate that. I'm so bad at it. Even 14 years into comedy, walking out on stage, I'm still embarrassed. Yeah. That, like, I'm doing this.

Not only am I doing it, but that they came to see me, and it's like, and now even more, because it's starting to sell some tickets, and people are coming out intentionally, and it's like, they have this look on their face,

and I'm just like, expectations are my worst nightmare, dude. I've worked so hard, and now I hate it. You want to start it with an apology. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry for being here. They want to see you, and you're like, I'm sorry.

Well, and then that just bums them out. They're like, what do you mean, dude? We love you. And it's like, oh. Chris Rock has been started. Well, that bums me out. Yeah, it's like, I don't love myself. A lot of us are having fun, then.

And it's like, if you like me, and you've seen my show or my stuff, you know, this is where we're going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's all just commit mass suicide right here. That will be my final show. Wouldn't that be great? For sure. Everybody, those two mandatory drinks, guess what was in those?

We're all going. We're all going to the Comet, man. Let's see. Dude, did you ever hear? There was an open mic-er, I think, in Oregon who did this open mic, and he sang a song, and he was the final comedian on the open mic, and the song was Sorry for the Mess. And then he finished, and he stabbed himself to death on stage.

And that is the right response, because it is a killer bit, like a killer get out on top. I'm fucking done. That's my time Dude Unreal Like multiple Oh yeah

Like in and out Yeah yeah No hesitation No hesitation I am going through And rattling my cage And then pulling out And doing it again

Yo That's unbelievable The video of this I was going to say Please tell me it was filmed It was probably a live leak But I Yeah yeah

Because yo Like it's one thing You know if you get the You know the balls a video of this? I was going to say, please tell me it was filmed. It was probably a live leak, but I have no idea. It's one thing, you know, if you get the, you know, the balls to slit it or slit it or take it,

whatever, but to be like, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out. That's sorry with the man.

He'd be pleased to know how much it tickled him. He would. If I know this guy, like, I know I don't. You know, there's some, you know, the club owner or like a David Tell or someone who loves the craft.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That is how. Respect it, man. I love to see the lyrics to Sorry for the Mess. Like, I want to. This guy's a bit of a hero of mine. I think it was an original. His song. Yeah. I'm going to perform. Imagine he went out with somebody's a bit of a hero of mine. I think it was in a ring.

With his song. I'm going to perform a song for the mess. Imagine he went out with somebody else's bit. That'd be tough. I need to find this guy's name

so when people ask who you think the funniest comedian is, I'm like, it is this guy. He's a lesser known open mic comic, but he had one big head.

Oh, you like the Chappelle's and the Burr's? I have a different taste. I'm an autist. I like people who go all out. That's good to hear. The tickets are moving? Yeah, man.

It's been good. I'm not used to it at all, and it's wildly uncomfortable. Again, that's probably the Irish stuff. I'm begging for support, and as soon as somebody offers it, I'm like, you're molesting me. It is a weird... I struggle with it a lot because with you guys

you are writing and preparing and fixing and all that shit, but we don't even do any of that. Why are you guys even here? This is its own established thing, which is you guys have built it. And that's so impressive in and of itself is that it's its own ecosystem.

I guess that's what I need to remind. We did the work already. And then going out on stage is kind of like the culmination of it. That is what it is. Because, you know, some comics, I almost feel bad for, like, really super young comics that blow up super quick on TikTok. Because then they go out on the road and it's more of an appearance like the people are seeing them for the picture after yes because they don't necessarily they didn't build any foundation and it's not their fault they just they just took what are you supposed to do say no yeah not turn down tens of thousands of dollars to sell tickets it's like

you never know if that's going to come up again right so it it but you guys have also done that where your your foundation isn't built in sand. You've established not only a relationship with your fans, so they're there, they understand what the show is, but you also have chops from all the writing you've done, from all the podcasting that you've done. This is legit mic time. Yeah, I talked to Josh Potter. I remember talking to Potter about it. He was saying all of those blogs are basically open mic nights, you know? Yeah. In essence. In a way, yeah. It's like

being in front of people. I'm not as good as some of them mic nights. There's one. The gold standard. We never reached that level. Have you ever bled for your art? That should be the new TikTok thing. Oh, so you're an artist, huh? Are you good at it?

And that's just the kids stabbing themselves to death. They stitch it together. How about this one? Oh, man. Can we find this guy, Nick? Can we see if there's a... Kip Rusty Walker is his name. Kip Rusty Walker. RIP, dude.

And the entire audience was cheering wildly. They knew it was performance art. Well, it was. It was. It was. It was. It was made of spade. Yeah, and then he collapsed in a pool of his own blood, and they started screaming.

Dude is a legend! This dude is a legend! Kip Rusty Walker? Kip Rusty Walker. Kip Rusty Walker. Myip Rusty Walker. Kip Rusty Walker. My God. That should be like a... I want to start...

I'm cheering on your suicide. Yeah! Oh, no! This is not going to work. But, or did it pump him up? Maybe. To be like, yeah, you're goddamn right. I'm not going to stop.

I'm not leaving! Maybe that is how we wanted it. Maybe he was like, I'm going to go out with the best fucking... I would love to watch just one person from that crowd who was just like, fuck yeah! Like, rock and roll! No!

Watching their face change would be spectacular. I want to start a band that's like, We are Rip Kip! What's his name? Kip Rusty Walker! Thank you and good night! Like the people who know, know. Kip Rusty Walker is a legend.

K-R-Dubs. You got to make a t-shirt and honor him. Send the proceeds to his fam. We'll sell like 12 of them, but they'll be like, boss. I love those. Kit Rusty Walker. But it's interesting because there's been all this drama with Shab and Bobby Lee. Oh, yeah.

Keep up with all that. A little bit. As much as I can. So we had a very dramatic week at Barstool I saw that romances you guys live such a fun life

man because when that shit between adults is like legitimate that is that is the best I've been telling people

that I got out of the bubble like there was one day that was particularly it was this drama with the office hookups and there was this drama with the burners

and fake lists and all this shit and I came out out of i was i was in it i was i'm not i'm not above it i was like holy shit like who is this guy i gotta find him and then when i spoke to my friends and family out of this world they were like you're being such a faggot like this is not real life like shut the fuck up like there are literally parents who cannot get baby formula for their children right now like they're going to die and i'm like who was talking about me on reddit i need the burn book you know i'm like this is fucking so ridiculous well now it's so funny walking around i mean i don't know if it's still happening like the drama or anything like that but it just seems like productive energy. Well, everybody is here, so we have this trivia show that everybody does, and today is like the playoffs.

Yeah, it's the first time I've seen Dave in the office, and he looks like a golden man. I can't wait. He's like this color. He just has a big chocolate chip cookie, but a chicken better. Like when a cartoon animal is super hungry, like that's the steaming perfect rotisserie chicken. Yeah. That when a cartoon animal is super hungry. Like that's the steaming perfect rotisserie chicken.

Yeah. But anyway, the reason I brought it up was because it made Shab went on with Callan on like a fighter and the kid where they like he finally like laid it all on the line and was very honest about things. And at the root of that was his original special

where he said like and I don't know if you saw this. He was his original special where he said like I don't know if you saw this he said on Flagrant 2 he was like yeah Flagrant 2 he was like nobody told me not to do it nobody gave it a once over well and then no one you have terrible friends dude

so Callan rolled the clip on their show and was like nobody did it nobody he was like I begged him not to put it out and was like, nobody did it? Nobody? He was like, I begged him not to put it out. He was like, I'll write with you. Give it at least a few months. But on the flip side, like you said, showtime comes to you and is like, I'm giving you the bag.

But also in Brennan's case, he had a lot of fucking money, I think, by that point. That's the thing. It's like, if you're making millions of dollars from your podcast plus all the other stuff it's like why why do you need it that's what i i understand if you love comedy yeah but like i love comedy i'm not gonna put out special if you loved comedy then you would not fuck her like that you would you would make her come you would do your best to get you know to become acclimated get as professional as possible with it it's like i i don't know i don't know the guy seems nice enough if so to me it's like either you if you need the money and they're like showtimes like here's fucking 50 grand or 100 grand or whatever like go off uh but other than that you know yeah you know it's like if you need it or it's a huge

number yeah yeah if they came to me today and was like here it will give you five million dollars to do stand-up comedy yeah i'm going to totally bomb but but other than that it's just like don't you know it's like fucking joe rogan doesn't do specials right like i mean he does now but he takes his time and he like develops he have like i mean yeah like a like an hour-long special he did a netflix one like a couple years ago it was called it was a very cringy name. It was like Triggered. Oh, I do remember that now. Great name, great comic, would love to do a show.

Never mind. I got a special to promote. I just feel like you can do, if you're great at podcasting, which he is, he has a million shows that are all successful, and then you can do comedy yeah and be like people come out and see me it's kind of what we do with our live show it's

like that's not our bread and butter we know people want to see it we're good enough at it make a little bit of money take some pictures get back to what we do well do you not put it you know if we were like selling our live shows pretty strong here we're there he's like we're definitely there we're in the building we don't know what's gonna happen well i'm done with philly this is our last show in philly ever you're buying tickets it's clearly their fault not ours do you know do you know who's kind of doing it the right way though and i've he's like dabbled in and out of stand-up comedy but i've hung with him a few times as vinnie guadagnino from uh jersey shore is he's actually he like

anonymously dips into clubs does time writes his stuff and gets and like hangs out with comics talks to comics asks us about comedy and stand-up and he's not like like you know years ago after the initial burst he was on the road a little bit and he'd try to do it and he was like dude it's too hard like i don't know what the fuck i'm doing every everything would sell out but he's like it was a bad right it was a tough that's where he also was very um like i'm not the jersey shore i'm right and i'm better than that and like i can understand that but also don't you know don't bite the hand that feeds you and don't resent it and all that kind of shit but there is a weird uh it's a uh what do they call it champagne problems yeah yeah because you're selling out and shit yeah

but like barstool we can we can move tickets but like and we now are good at the live shows as much as i'm joking about it now but like back then you know when we first did the wilbur i think the show ended up going well but we had like no business selling out the wilbur but we we could. Yeah, yeah. It was a barstool, you know? But the good thing about it is there's also like, there's just expectations for the show. Like, there's not a laugh every 15, 30 seconds expectations. We're like, I'm going to see a podcast. That's what I still struggle to get over. I'm like, they're not laughing, they're not laughing, they're not laughing.

But like, it's a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's like, when we do, here's a scenario. We've done it a couple times on the road it's because it's the three of us it helps and i'm sure you guys get the same thing because your competitive comedy juices kind of get in so you immediately are trying to beat trying to but yeah yeah big line big line but i get the same feeling when it's like we're reading questions or there's like a you know a second lull i'm like fuck man i'm only used to being on stage where

it's like boom boom boom boom and i'm in control of the rhythm there's gonna be a laugh right here and there's gonna be a groan right here and i'm gonna you know it's that's the crazy more i did a i filmed a crowd work special uh on 420 on edibles i took 150 milligrams edibles and i thought i was like it's gonna be fun like i'll put out my hour on May 18th, 9 p.m., my Canon Comedy YouTube, and then I'll put out this secondary thing. It'll probably be like a 15- or 20-minute fail video of me crying on a corner of the stage, huddled up because I'm too high and I've bitten off more than I can chew, and there's going to be seven people, and it'll be funny in that respect.

It sold out. I'm like, God damn it. I have one show to get it obvious you know it's a it's it's a precarious situation with the dosage and stuff like that i take the edibles i'm like smoking on stage like i'm in a fucking tennessee williams play you know smoking weed getting higher and i did i i did an hour seven where it's one of those things where you just you can ride you can catch a wave especially it's like like i like I said, selling tickets, all that stuff. I've done edibles on a show before where I've even acknowledged it and people have been like, oh, and you immediately origami into yourself and not have any clue how to get

back because that initial support is just non-existent. But then you have your fans there or people that support you and you say, I'm on an edible. They're like, us too. I'm on blow. That's not this show, but all right. Very different experiences, but okay. Cool. But it lets you kind of.

What just happened? It slipped, but I caught it, and I just kind of caught it towards the bottom. It got messy. It got messy. It got messy. Awesome. It got messy. This table is going to be sticky forever now. It got messy. It got messy. This table's going to be sticky forever now. That's great.

We just cleaned it. I love it also. You're just pounding. Yeah, are you hungover today? No. You like Revitalite? Just straight up? We don't have water.

My mouth is so parched right now. We haven't had water in this office. I've drank Revitalite the last three shows we did. I've drank two waters so far this show. Yeah. They don't give them to us because we've got to keep them for guests. I've drank two waters so far this show. Yeah, they don't give them to us because we've got to keep them for guests. So I'm going to drink fucking sugar water.

Yeah, thank God I've gotten mouth. It's probably disgusting, but whatever. Ew! Oh, that's been in there for a while. That bottle emits estrogen now. Isn't that what happens when a plastic bottle is in sunlight for too long? You drink it, and it's like giving you estrogen.

Really? I think so. Dude, that explains a lot of my behavior. Or at least that's what I read on Breitbart. It's the emasculation of men. And I've had it. I've had it. These water bottle companies

trying to give me tits. Now that you say that, I do remember Rogan doing a thing on that, and I think he said it had something to do with the plastics. Oh, no shit. And then he said, I think as we are becoming more like beta cuck soy boys, our taints are getting smaller. Oh.

I'll have him know. My taint is larger than George. Oh, really really Rogan yeah it is thick and dangly you can pick me up like a dog and just rub his neck I can remember people being like

no don't worry it doesn't hurt them they don't have any feeling back there getting carried out by your like No don't worry It doesn't hurt them They don't have any feeling Back there Getting carried out By your taint Don't worry He can't feel it

It is pretty numb It is pretty numb From the years of beating You know what's super numb Your scrotum Not your ball Your back Like the bed

Yeah yeah I can pinch it As hard as can be As long as there's no veins Or any of the Yeah like if you catch The wrong thing You're in trouble. But I was like, we should make

planes out of this stuff. Make crashes. At least a parachute. Fucking cannon. You're fucking funny, man. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. You guys are the best. But anyway, this is all because I was asking about tickets selling.

So it's got to be. I mean, you said 14 years, right? Yeah. It's a fucking grind, man. Yeah. I mean, whatever COVID was, I still count that as a year because I got all my comedy outlet through YouTube and digital and all that shit. So I was still working on it.

Yeah. Yeah, man. It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the most emotionally swinging thing I've ever done outside of maybe poker. That's true, though. Maybe you were built for a little bit like that. I have some sort of self-punishment thing where I like it. And, you know, the athlete stuff.

I went to the Basketball Hall of Fame with my kid when I was in Springfield. And, like, I can't watch those highlights of like championships the grind the the the perseverance and all that shit without welling up and like ready to i am a fucking sucker for that shit dude and i love it it's inspiring it embarrassingly pumps me up and makes me want to push through my own shit that's good though i mean like it so many people find it it's like cool to not i don't give a shit about anything and it's like oh yeah no i care so much so much about comedy yeah it's like because then if you let people know you care and you fail it's like i mean they're mean anyway so

i don't know what at this point they're so i'm an open wound come at me dude come at me just tell me what i already know about myself but it hurts more from you for something. Yeah, I know. You guys have realized it too? Yeah. I thought I was the only one. Damn it. I thought I was put on a pretty good show.

Yeah, you and your Amber Heard avatar. Come at me. It is a sick sick fucking we're all and now I I keep getting one of our running themes here

is we might be the kings of backhanded compliments because there is so much hate people will come up to me and be like man like

fucking nobody likes you but I do like oh okay well there's there's one yeah thanks dude

I got one today that was just like that I was like I know you think that this is funny, but it's fucking not. Or not funny, but you think that it's nice or whatever, but it's absolutely not. Is this in person at shows? No, no. You know what?

I've gotten people come up to me and be like, you know, it's like they respect it. They respect it they're gonna like man you take a beating but like you keep going out there yeah and i've always liked you and it is nice but it's also like thanks for reminding me of fucking telling me i'm a public puncher i woke up to it this morning just want to say man oh i had posted a picture uh from the father-daughter dance that was the best yeah so he goes that post was awesome the entire internet throws shit at you and your family day in and day out, and all you do is go out there. But you're a good fucking dad, and it's cool to see from the outside looking in.

So it is nice, but it's just like, man. All they do is abuse you and harp on you, and you're insecure until you're depressed, and you hide it well. Dude, I get people that mean well exactly like that, you and your insecurities until you're depressed and you eyed it well dude i get i get great i get people that like mean well exactly like that and they're like man i just relate to you so much dude i can't stop smoking meth before picking up my son and i'm like that's not the message i'm conveying not on the same page i used to have this guy who r.i.p uh i won't say his name but

he used to send me videos of him hot railing something, I think it's called. What's that? But he had a blowtorch and lines of crystal meth on a marble chessboard, and he would heat the glass pipe, have a rubber thing taped to it, do a line of it, and then blow smoke out of his mouth. And his eyes would shark over and just be like, I like you. And I'm like, ah! That's one way to do it, bud. That is fucking scary.

I've never heard of that. Hot railing? I think that's what it's called, yeah. Say it again. What do you do? So you have a glass pipe. There's lines of what I assume was either powdered meth or Adderall or something like that.

And then he electrical taped a rubber straw to it and then blew a line. Oh, heated up the thing, the glass, did a line of it, and then blew smoke out of his mouth. I think it's cool if you take a hit and drink a beer. Yeah. Did you ever do rising shotties? No. Dude, so a rising shottie, me and my buddies went through a little phase of this

where, you know, a shottie is you turn the joint around and then you kiss each other. I never smoked much weed, so I don't know much weed culture. You don't kiss each other, but you put your face. You're like, yeah, you're blowing a hit directly into your friend's face. I don't know what the benefit is I think I could get the same amount of smoke

Through the other end But whatever, it's just dudes being dudes And then you put your dick out on Dude, a rising shotty Is you start, both of you start In catcher's position And you rise You sit right on a dildo

And uh You blow the smoke out of your dick And you rise. This is getting gayer and gayer. Squat down. You sit right on a dildo. You take a hit. You blow the smoke out of your dick into his ass. So you both slowly rise as you're getting and receiving the shoddy. You finally are up to a full standing position. You as the recipient hold it, cross your arms, and somebody cracks your back and then you exhale you can even slam a beat we did it where we would like slam a beer or take a shot right after two and we stopped i could two things happened one my friend's mom saw us and thought we were doing gay

sex in her backyard like legitimately was like what weird homoerotic ceremony are these two kids doing? And then we also stopped because my friend got done and was like, whoa, and then fell and hit his head on a potted plant. I was like, that's the end of Rising Shawnees, dude. We had a good run. I could see getting cracked and then you're high and loose. You just keep elevating like you're such a i was such a dumb kid how many you know it's like at first you just drink and then you got a

shotgun and then you got a chug and then you funnel and then you blow and then you you know or green dragon when you soak a fucking quarter of weed into everclear for like two weeks and the it's the grain alcohol is super soluble so you get get high from a shot. I did that at a frat party and was like on my game with some girl, like rip and roar and just have it, like charming her and like all that were around us, killing it. But I was like, I'm not even high. I don't feel shit. So I went to take another shot, took it. I don't remember anything. I came to on their couch at the frat party like six hours later

and somebody was like you know just in the corner doing adderall or whatever and they told me that at one point i just got up fell over the girl started laughing for like 20 uninterrupted minutes and everybody emptied out like everybody just left just left. Everybody just left the party. Yeah, that was it. It was just cooked. Done. Dude, I did. That's crazy shit. Have you ever heard of that?

Soaking the weed? Never. Never. I've never heard of any of this shit. Yeah. They're fucking squares, man. No wonder all your friends were dead, dude. Yeah, man.

You guys are nuts. Yeah. I'll back you up on the squatting down. We used to do squat dabs where you would squat for long enough so when you stand up, you get a head rush. Yeah. And you would time it with the dab to do it so that but then yeah people started falling over you always did it next to a couch yeah people started i remember my buddy uh he we were doing uh gravity bongs for the first time and first of all it was funny because i i had never done it until i did it with this kid we did i think we had like a big gatorade bottle and bucket and that's how we're going about it and i came back home i spent

a weekend with him in connecticut came back and i told one of my friends that i was like i did gravity bombs for the first time and he he like he didn't know what it was about he went and then told my crew of friends he was like yo clancy went out this weekend he was partying with those guys blah blah he did some crazy shit called galaxy bombs. And they were like, what's a galaxy bomb? And then when we all got together the next time, they're like, yo, tell me about galaxy bombs. And I was like, I don't know.

I don't know, you tell me what's a galaxy bomb. It's some sort of drug or ecstasy. It's when you smoke mushrooms. And then I had, but I had to like, you know, it was, it almost blamed me when I had to be like, oh, you mean gravity bombs? And they were like, oh. But I remember my buddy didn't have enough, like a lot of weed left.

And so we mixed in some tobacco. And fucking, was that split? Yeah, but taking it. But he did a gravity bong with it. Fuck, dude. And he fell over into the bathtub. Oh, shit. We were doing it in the bathroom. Yes. Feet in the air, into the bathtub. Into the bathtub. Oh, shit. It was like, we were doing it in the bathroom. Yes.

Feet in the air, into the bathtub, the bucket spilled everywhere, and I was like, this is not worth it. Yeah. Let's just smoke the weed. I had a mini personal guy.

So I had wild insomnia in college, probably from all of the substances I was throwing into my body. It's not insomnia. It's fucking cocaine. I just couldn't calm down. I just couldn't have calmed down. I just couldn't go to sleep. It's a weird thing.

I had a coffee after 2 p.m. I don't know. Maybe it's that. And I could go to bed at 6.30 and wake up at 8 a.m. I'm up at 8 a.m. every single day. So I would have little bong loads ready where I'd have an aquafina bottle into a little bit of a you know tub and i do like 10 gravity bongs to start my day jeez 10 personal gravity bongs then i just walk out and i'm like let's go to class but you're sober now right i smoke weed yeah i

haven't drank for a little over three years but you you're not substanceless. No, no. I do mushrooms. I do weed. And I've done acid. It's not like I do it, but I've done acid. Heroin. That's funny. Hey, I like medicine.

What do you want? I like to increase my empathy and consciousness. And booze was holding me back. You mentioned talking to the girl and kind of fucking it up. I actually pulled one of my favorite moves I've ever pulled this weekend. I was getting...

I got out with my parents on Saturday night and then they kind of turned in fairly late actually for them and I was like, I'm going to do one more. I'm going to do a nightcap. And I just went to this other bar and I sat down at the bar

and mind my own business for a while. Your what the bar and minded my own business for a while. Your what? Just minded my own business for a while. I was just going to sit in there having an old-fashioned or whatever. And then the girl sitting next to me starts talking to me. And she is primo. She is exactly the kind of girl who I would like. She would tat it up.

I hate me. Covered in tattoos. She would shave me. Shaved head. Nose ring. Big earring. Straight out of Deadpool. girl who i would like like she would tie it up hate me covered in tattoos like shaved head nose ring big earring straight out of deadpool like thick glasses yeah dude like fuck it and then like we that's my favorite like fake couple of all time oh my god whatever the hell and then we're like we're hitting off she's from uh she's from columbia or something like that and it is just the country the country yeah she's perfect for you and and like we just really hit it off like probably like a half hour and then i just knew like i knew i was about to get like i was like i was like i'm gonna be drunk soon like it's i've i've drank enough all day and

then i was like i just got new i wasn't getting any better I wasn't getting any further with her and I went Tina it's been great and I walked out and that was it no number no nothing not on Instagram no nothing absolutely nothing that's like Barry Sanders retiring early

I haven't won anything but see you tomorrow that is good I haven't won anything, but see you tomorrow. That is good. I was going to say from the point of view of Barry Sanders retiring, left people being like, whoa, what just happened? They're so baffled by it. That's kind of cool, but it's also like, you haven't done it yet.

Okay, Mr. Mystery Man. Didn't get anything out of it. But I can see her being like, what the fuck? She'll be thinking about it for the rest of her life. I hope she sees this. We're gonna, where was it? I don't remember. It was a bar near Zinc in the East Village.

Alright. If you were near Zinc. Which used to be the Boston Comedy Club. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I never heard of Zink. Me and my parents were just looking for a bar. We kind of popped in there. It was pretty cool. So somewhere I left. Oh, were you solo?

I was solo. Oh, okay. So it was like we left Zink, and then I went to somewhere very nearby. Okay, so if you were near Zink in the East Village on Saturday night. Saturday night. On Saturday night. And you were, I don't know. If you know this girl or are friends or saw it happen or something,

we're going to misconnection Craigslist this shit. No, I don't want it. I want it. I want to see what happens. Bro, I don't want to ruin what I had. We had a nice exchange. It was a good night. That was it.

I walked off. Yeah, Costanza. I was like, I'm out. She was laughing. We were talking about like the Southern America. You had spiritual sex. You don't even need to fuck her. We connected.

That's it for me. Wow. Is that what this is all about? Is this emotions? Is that why you guys do this? That is her name. Her name is Tina. You were going to say emotions.

Honestly, I bet we could find a Tina who was in the East Village near Zinc on Saturday night We're gonna find this bitch Somebody's gonna fuck her alright Somebody's gonna fuck this chick One of us is banging Tina

Yeah Fucking right bro So special is done? Yeah it's out May 18th So this is coming out after that I guess May 18th 9pm it's out it's coming out May 18th so this will be this is coming out after that I guess

May 18th 9pm that's when it's live yeah but Mike Cannon Comedy on YouTube it's called White Privilege Homeless

it's my second hour that I've put up on YouTube full hour full hour I respect that I understand a lot of people going shorter

for sure but I also my last one was a bit shorter because I didn't feel that i was due an hour right now i feel pretty confident it was all like and also this is post covid i'm not talking covid but i'm talking what my family went through which is i had to live at my in-laws for 14 months right and all that came with that so it's a super personal hour but wildly punchy because i

just took it on the road so i had to i had I had to get people in the Midwest to give a shit. Right. Or people in Florida to identify with lockdown. What are you talking about, dude? We were out in April of 2020 spitting in each other's assholes. We don't give a fuck about what you say. That's good shit, though. And I do, like, I think there should, I'm saying this from my fucking ivory tower of having never done stand-up comedy, but I think there's something to, like, I think there should, I'm saying this from my fucking ivory tower of have never, never, never done stand-up comedy.

But I think there's something to, like, an hour that that should also still be, like, the standard. And you can do short ones if you want. But I feel like if you, you know, still want to, like, leave your mark or whatever, have your, I remember Nate Bargatze talking about it kind of being, like, to me, the hour is always, like, the thing. Everything. And I can't even imagine having an hour.

I get why, you know, 35 minutes is, like, 25 minutes, 40't even imagine having an hour i get why you know 35 minutes is like 25 minutes 40 minutes is so much fucking jokes as is but a full hour is awesome so like privilege homeless yeah yeah it's a big bit on the on the special and also what i was for 14 months yeah homeless in a mansion right still got the got the hair, man. You got a great hairline. I appreciate it. And salt and pepper, too. I still have a little more salt and pepper, but I like that. It's wildly, dude. I've kept my head pretty tight over the last couple years just because I've liked it that way.

Yeah, you're crazy. You got it. You still got it fucking. I know. Well, now I'm getting it. I just want to be a dad on Euphoria. I want to molest one of the young boys, whether it's in the script or not, and then get the fuck out

and sell some tickets, but I'll just be like Mike Pence in a gay porno. That's realistically where I'm headed. Go watch the special. Maybe that should be the next one. Mike Pence in a gay porno. We'll do ATI.

Oh, sweet, yeah. I think we have to go upstairs for it because this shit's taking over all of us. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បាាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.