KFC Radio - John Cusack vs White Sox Dave Ft. Kim Coates

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Feits' t-shirt sucks again - John Cusack Vs White Sox Dave arguments - Feits' sad last 48 hours - underwear holes - banana cigarette - laughing jumprope - never feel sexier than when covered in conditioner - Top 5 Most Depressing Milestones of Life - Jacqed Up - NFL Week 5 - Voicemails - no hands or hands with bjs? - eating cereal in the car - bringing a comfort item back to 1800s Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I don't think I've ever said this in the history of this show. I think we need to take a break. Because I don't know what's next. If I just keep riling him up, I don't know where we go next. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? Ready to rock?

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Shout out to the chicken heads. Not over the top at all. Subtle. Subtle reference to the chicken heads. Shout out to all the chicken heads out there. Speaking of subtle, this is kind of fucked up of you, if I may say. You haven't mentioned my shirt today yet.

I hate all your shirts. That shirt's sick! That one I don't necessarily hate. What is S-E-R-C and D-C-J? Don't know. This is a shirt.

I think my new rule... I do hate all your shirts, but that shirt's not that bad. I think my new rule is if I would watch the movie that the shirt... If I would watch the movie of the story the shirt is telling, I'd buy that shirt. It's a nice way to ruin all my – what do you call it?

My pull in the film critic community and my wardrobe at the same time. Because this is a polar bear fighting a dolphin on New Year's Eve at the Rock. So we're in post-9-11 world. A couple years after. 2003. It's New Year's on Alcatraz. What's on the – do you guys have a wristwatch? Oh, yep.

Yep, it's probably – oh, and sunglasses. Yeah, goggles, sure. It is 15 – no, 51 degrees. This is saying a lot. This is your dumbest shirt yet. Yeah, it's so sick. And he's fighting a dolphin. A dolphin.

Which isn't fair. A polar bear would keep beating. We've done polar bear for a shark. A polar bear would massacre a dolphin. A polar bear would be a dark. A polar bear would massacre like a pod of dolphins. But can you picture like. Like a ton of dolphins.

Like 10, 12 dolphins would get massacred by a polar bear. Dude, I saw this shirt this weekend and I was like. I was immediately was like, fuck, can you, like, I was picturing, like, a. How much does one cost? Cheap. Yeah, I went to a different vintage store, SLCT. Because you realized you were buying expensive garbage clothes instead of cheap garbage clothes. This is all well-priced vintage stuff. But I was like, holy shit, that's a.

No, I like it. It's like. I like that like you think like a black tie event happening while this fucking war goes on of an oversized polar bear an oversized dolphin fighting and they're fighting each other with paddles yeah yeah yeah cirque dc which is probably like a yale fucking skull and bones type probably they're both they're both members of secret societies we painted a whole picture here I feel like The polar bear Is kind of like

King of that secret society world And along comes this new dolphin He swims up from warm water And now he's in the area And all of a sudden this dolphin's making waves Literally and figuratively But the polar bear's kind of like Who's this fucking new kid on the block

What the fuck is this polar bear doing in San Francisco? Yeah, and he's kind of like, he's not even realizing that he's disturbing the ecosystem here. He's like, I'm just here. I don't want to cause any problems. But all of a sudden, he's like the fucking man. He's got the power of the people behind him. All the other wildlife in that area are backing the dolphin. And the polar bear knows that it's a problem.

So he's got to take this dolphin out. And is this the dolphin's pussy or something? Uh, yeah. That's just a hole in the dolphin. And the polar bear knows that it's a problem, so he's got to take this dolphin out. And is this the dolphin's pussy or something? Oh, yeah. That's just a hole in the dolphin. That's just a hole. Yeah, no, that's its pussy, for sure. Is that where dolphin pussies are? Probably.

Always. Always, exclusively. It's not like dolphin pussies move around. Unless they were born in toxic waters, the pussy is always down there. But then something happens at the New Year's Eve party. Once the clock strikes midnight, Ed Harris was there the whole time, and he's fucking shit up. Yeah. But then like something happens at the New Year's Eve party like once the clock strikes midnight

like Ed Harris was there the whole time and he's fucking shit up. Okay. So this is actually during The Rock? Yeah. You think that like

The Rock is still there? No, Ed Harris is just still hanging out. He just stays there. Ed Harris has in his contract he only films on Alcatraz. So anytime there's a movie happening at Alcatraz

Ed Harris is in it. What a movie. An all time great. It's almost surprising thatcatraz, Ed Harris is in it. What a movie. An all-time great. It's almost surprising that John Cusack's not in it. Because... That's the kid right there! Because I do associate The Rock and Con Air together. There's certain movies in my life I think of Independence Day and Jurassic Park as like together.

Well, that's not it. Oh, yes it is. Yes it is. you're right. And then it's Armageddon and Deep Impact. Oh no, I'm not even talking about like, yeah, there are movies that are literally the same plot. Deep Impact and the other one with, it's not

Armageddon, it's another one. There's one with Morgan Freeman as like the president. But then there's something else besides that that's not Armageddon. But yes, you're right. I think it's Armageddon. It's an asteroid hitting Earth. Right. I guess it probably is that, yeah.

But just certain movies that, like, I don't know why. It's just almost like a Rorschach test where it's just like these things are, you know, you spit them out and they're in my brain together. Maybe it's because they came out similar time or I saw them around similar time. But to me, Con Air and The Rock go together. Yeah it's because they came out similar time, or I saw them around a similar time, but to me, Con Air and The Rock go together. Yeah, they're very definitely, that's a fair And that mid-90s rock

action genre, you know, there's a lot You guys are so bad at keeping the KFC Radio logo on the computer. For some reason, I kept looking Do you notice I kept looking at it too? Yeah, it drives me Sometimes they have the screensaver on and it's like, we just started. It's one thing when we run long and it's two hours in.

Let me let you in on a little secret. The screensaver on this TV starts two hours in if it's been idle for two hours. So sometimes we run long and then it kicks in. I can't blame them for that. We just started. We just had a two-hour long interview. Yeah, but we just started this recording. I know, but I'm not going to...

Why not? Because I didn't... It wasn't... It was fine. So that mid-90s period was just... I know it's an old person thing to say. They don't make them like they used to. But both music and movies,

I really don't think they make them like they used to. I go through movies i'm i really don't think they make them like they i go through it very often i go through a phase i tweeted it one time in uh probably during the start of the pandemic i tweeted like i am on a fucking tear of mid 90s early 2000s decent to okay action movies and they're amazing and they're on they're all okay to amazing it's yeah they're all They're decent to okay to amazing. Yeah, they're all like that's one way to describe them to get what you want. Right.

But they're unbelievable. Right. They're proof of life. Great. Tears of the Sun. Terrible but awesome. The Siege. Yes.

No, I forget. Under Siege and The Siege I get confused. Under Siege is the Seagal one from like the early 90s. Early, early, early. The Siege with Denzel

fucking Bruce Willis. Like that one fucking awesome. But I'll go ahead and throw Steven Seagal in there if you want to get nuts I don't care for Seagal

Under Siege and Passenger 99 I think was no that was Wesley Snipes but god see there's just it was a golden era

of them you know like US Marshals that's a legitimately good one though that's like the fugitive the one with with Morgan

with Samuel Jackson and I think Ben Ben Affleck Ben Affleck shout out for some of off years yes and I think Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Shout out. Some of Off Years? Yes. Great one.

Ben Affleck. One of the all- This is coming from a person from Boston, so you know it's from a place of truth. One of the all-time underrated actors, Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. I mean- Great. He only got one run as Jack Ryan.

He'd be a great Jack Ryan. Never seen him as Batman, but I bet he's a great Batman. Sure he's awesome. Yeah, he is. No, he's pretty good. You know what he is? He's a great Batman Sure he's awesome Yeah he is No he's pretty good You know what he is He's a great Bruce Wayne Right

Like when he puts on The Not a costume What's it called Suit Batsuit He's not like that convincing But as Bruce Wayne

Like the playboy It kind of fucking works Because he's Ben Affleck We're kind of bouncing around We're going to get to What we're going to get to We're clearly going to talk

About White Sox Dave momentarily But I want to say something Real quick Speaking of Ben Affleck I saw Casino Royale This weekend Not Casino Royale we're kind of bouncing around. We're going to get to what we're going to get to. We're clearly going to talk about White Sox momentarily, but I want to say something real quick. Speaking of Ben Affleck, I saw Casino Royale this weekend. Not Casino Royale. The new Bond, No Time to Die. It is so funny to see how much the world has changed

since that movie was shot. Why it was shot a long time ago? It was like the first or second movie. It was either Fast 9 or that. The first and second movies to be like, we're done for the pandemic. They're supposed to come out like mark 15th god like they were it was like the day we shut down that we're supposed to release kind of deal and because knives out had come out christmas 2019 daniel craig got his fucking no anna de armas anna de armas wasn't

anna de armas when this movie was shot so anna DeLarmis and Daniel Craig are both in Knives Out and James Bond. Interesting. But Anna DeLarmis is all over the trailer, all over the posters. But she's not really in the movie? This isn't a spoiler alert. I mean, it is a spoiler alert, but, like, whatever. I'm just telling you. She doesn't die, but she never changes clothes in this movie.

That's how little she's in this movie. You see one outfit. She wears one dress. She is in one scene. She wears one dress. Yo. She is in one scene. She wears one dress. She's everywhere. She's on posters. That's awesome.

Because she went from a nobody. I've never heard of her. She's on Fortnite's out. I hope that her agent is like, if you're using us in the trailer, you're going to fucking retroactively pay us. Dude, the James Bond's fucking love interest is, I didn't know who that is. Not in the armistice? I was like, who the fuck is this person? And she's been in other Bond movies.

And it's been, you know, kind of a bit of a, it was really one of the lacking storylines of the Daniel Craig era. But the, she's like, she's not in the trailer. I forgot she was even in this movie. Because Anna De Armas. I don't know. No, I think she's a French actress. I don't really know her. Does Daniel Craig consider, do people like him?

Yeah. Good Bond? Yeah. I think most people consider him the best Bond ever. No. Yes. Yeah. I read an article on it.

No. I think he is, too. And I know it's coming from a person where, like – I love Pierce Brosnan. I've seen a few of the Connerys. I've seen a few of the other people. So people are going to call – like. It's obviously a biased thing. But Daniel Craig

brought a darkness and intrigue to James Bond that he'd just kind of been the playboy. He made him a much more interesting character. Well, it's also like no one's going to be saying Sean Connery anymore, even though he probably still should be. He's going to be like 100 years

old soon enough. You know what I mean? In a little like... He's going to be, like, 100 years old soon enough. You know what I mean? Like, in a little while, it's going to be like, you know, yeah, we don't talk about the one that came out, you know, 250 years ago, you old fuck. Was he ranked there?

Oh, he was ranked four there? I read the Esquire article on him, and it was like he... Not Esquire, GQ. And it was like he's widely considered the best James Bond. But, I mean, it's an opinion-based thing. I very much like Daniel Craig.

I very much like John Cusack movies. So do I. I like, what's your favorite John Cusack? We were tweeting about it this morning. I just watch Runaway Jury. Runaway Jury is incredible. Like, I would say, I think I told you in the last month, probably in the last two weeks I watched Runaway Jury.

I went on a tear. I had one of the first, I was early to having a DVD burner. Oh, yeah. That's how you got through college. Yeah. Yeah. And my dad got us some pretty legit laptops, and I remember they could burn – they had one CD thing that could burn at the same time.

It was like high tech, whatever. Burned it fast. And I got a Netflix subscription when it was Mail You the DVDs. And I got seven at a time. And I wouldn't even watch them. Because watching seven movies is like a lot of fucking... I would just burn them all. And send them back. Burn them all.

Send them back. So I would get a new set of seven like twice a week. I can't believe that Netflix wasn't't like what's fucking happening here and i had a binder filled with probably like 350 movies i was like the bootlegging fucking movie i was a movie bootlegger would you pay you to rent them i would mostly just like yeah yeah but it was like it was if you know people would like show to my door like not knowing me being like i heard you got the movies i should have yeah i was like a drug dealer didn't charge money and i remember this kid uh i think his name was johnny huge black guy came and and he was like looking through and he couldn't decide and he was like i'm just gonna take him back to my

dorm and like i was like it would be better if you just would just take the you know one or you can take a couple like don't take all of them he was like yeah no i'm just gonna take them i'm gonna go and i was like okay yeah yeah I'll pick it up later, man. It's fine. It's fine. He had that for like two weeks. Oh, at least you got him back. No, I got to get him back.

Can I have my movies back, please? Runaway Jury was one of my first ones that I ever burned, though. And I was like, this movie's going to win the Oscar. This movie's fucking amazing. Right, with Gene Hackman. What's up?

Incredible. I mean, Con Air we referenced. I like 2012. 2012, I think that's up there? Incredible. I mean, Con Air we referenced. I like 2012. 2012, I think that's a good disaster movie. Never saw that one. Gross Point Blank, I love. Gross Point Blank's amazing. Love.

High Fidelity's amazing. Being John Malkovich is actually a good movie. But it's almost like, I actually, you know what? I don't know why I just lied to everybody. I've never seen High Fidelity. I watched. But you're so loyal now to Zoe Kravitz. I watched the TV. But I did start it. And I was like, You're so loyal now To Zoe Kravitz I watched the TV

But I did start it And I was like You know what This is Zoe Kravitz's story I'm not watching this Even though it's totally opposite Yeah So many people were probably like

This is John Cusack Right But the guy just has hits And that's not talking about His 80s like superstar movies Say anything Say anything with the fucking boombox And 16 Candles

I mean he was He was that dude He dated Jennifer Love Hewitt Really Yeah I didn't know that If you'reennifer love hewitt really i didn't know if you're fucking jennifer love hewitt you are big time and last night two nights ago game three of the alds white socks dave confronts john cusack after trolling him for like a decade and john cusack goes nose to nose i did not not watch this video. I can't. It's these things. These interactions make me too awkward and too uncomfortable.

John, I am going to force you to watch this. I didn't want to watch it because I knew it would make me too awkward and uncomfortable. Then I knew we were going to talk about it on the show, so I did want to watch it live. I have not seen this because these things, they just give me the heebies. Now, you've got to listen. You've got to be able to hear it, too. It's obviously in a crowd. It's tough.

But look at John. He's like, how is he? I know you did. You can't tell me where. I can like wherever I want. Who was the first baseman in 1983?. I know you did. You can't tell me where. I can collect wherever I want. Who was the first baseman in 1983? Do you know? No.

Mike Spires. Mike Spires. That means you're older. But I'm younger than him. Who's your ignorance? That's not ignorance. Do you know who Mahara was? Who was?

Mahara. Yeah. You know Oscar Gang? Yes. I know all of them. I know all those guys. I think you're ignorant. I I think you can't. I mean, you can't.

It's up there on the movie. Half the fun about being a fan is being miserable. You can't just go to the cup side when... I went to the bookmarks for notes. But that doesn't count. You can't do that. That's because of rules. That's the best part of having a Chicago is that you've got two teams to root for.

We'll have to agree to disagree. Agree to disagree, I guess, but I think it's... It stinks. Now, here's the thing. White Sox Dave is absolutely 100% correct. The actual issue at hand, if you're in a two-team city, you pick fucking one side. See, now, I don't disagree. Yes, I will disagree because I didn't grow up in it.

So I would think – I cannot speak on this. I grew up in Boston. Yeah, and you're also rooting for two teams now with Tom Brady. That's true. That's very true, yeah. But when my team's eliminated, I root for the Mets. When you have the Mets, I know it's not the same But I want to see my friends happy So if I grew up in a town I think

I know I wouldn't This is I guess The way I would go But I'm just listening They're your friends But they fucking like Roast you mercilessly And talk shit about you

And your team And hate you Yeah I guess that's true I don't I just like I think ALNL is different But I guess like yeah When my Yankee friends

It would be like The Yankees Yeah I don't work for the Yankees were in the same city. Yeah, exactly. That's fair. We talked that out. He's absolutely right where it's like part of being a sports fan is that you have to go through the lows to get to the highs, and you look back on the lows, and it makes it all worth it and all that shit.

And John Cusack, it sounds like when the Cubs got good, he was just like Mr. Wrigley, and he was at the World Series games, and he's singing the fucking – taking me out to the ballgame, wearing the hat. Like I could not imagine. I will never put on a Yankee hat. I've never done it. I never will do it. Okay, me and Coley got in a fight about this over the Ben Affleck – coming up a lot today – and Gone Girl thing. Because he like shut down shooting – filming for the day, right?

Which I don't think is true. Yeah. I think that – Probably a little exaggerated. Because he shut down filming for the day, right? Which I don't think is true. Yeah. I think people were like, do you think that maybe someone actually shut down millions of dollars worth of filming? Or do you think maybe that friendly actor and director are spitting a bit of a story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I was cast in a movie, and this character's a Yankee fan, I'm like, okay, give me a Yankee hat. I call this, you put on a Yankee hat? I'm like, yeah. If I was in a movie playing a're like this character's a yankee fan okay give me a hat like i could call this like you put on a yankee i'm like yeah if i was in a movie playing a different person sure i'd also wear clothes i don't wear i don't fucking care yeah i mean i hear you and i probably wouldn't like jeopardize my job for it as an actor but i really would not enjoy it i really wouldn't the fact just the fact that there's just like that picture is when it's just a screenshot and people

don't know it's a movie or whatever it's just like a picture of you but even these are the yankees these are the fucking minnesota twins who gives a shit yeah yeah this isn't some fucking evil empire team this is a fucking there's nobody middle of the road franchise yeah sure i'll put on an a's hat i'll put on a mariner's hat yankee hat whatever the character wants no big fucking deal i'm actually just showing like i'm like i'm stooping to their level yeah i'll put on a yankee hat whatever but well you'll be to pretend we're a good team i'll definitely do that sure yeah classic yankee fan stuff the movie's fictional obviously uh it's something i i think unless you live in a two city team two team city i keep

switching that up and even new york's even worse. Chicago's weird because the Cubs recently were good and won. But for the longest time, the Cubs were obviously the joke with the curse. But they were still like big brother in a weird way. They were always the popular team. And the White Sox were like the scrub team. And it's not like the White Sox were great, but they snuck in there in 05 and they won. And it's like White Sox are the real baseball baseball fans the cubs are the bandwagon fans but even if the cubs are losing they're still selling out wrigley bills popping all that shit new york it's like there's one team there's two teams one always wins one always loses

at least it used to be and it was like pure fucking hatred from mets fans to yankee fans and yankee fans would just disrespect mets fans so there was like there fucking hatred from Mets fans to Yankee fans, and Yankee fans would just disrespect Mets fans. So there was like – there's no crossover. And anybody who does, there's like these godforsaken hats that have like half the logo on each – Oh, yeah. Half the NY on each. Shit like that is like utterly disgusting. At least that can't happen in Chicago, right?

There's none of those. You can't like mix and match that. Yeah, because the Mets and the Yankees are very similar hats. Absolutely. When that recently – just opening day this year, I want to say, a dude wore a Mets customized Jeter jersey. It was a Mets jersey that said Jeter

with number two, and people were like, what is that? Get this cursed image off of my screen. It was disgusting. So that's even worse in New York, but Chicago is the only other place. I guess you kind of have it in Los Angeles a little bit, but LA is LA. Like nobody fucking cares.

And so he's right. And to be a celebrity – actually, you can be a celebrity who flip-flops because that's like what celebrities do. But then John Cusack portrays himself as like Mr. White Sox. He like – when the White Sox are good, he is like, I'm from the South Side, I was in 8-Man Out, I like live and breathe White Sox baseball. It's like, well then you can't be, can't be this many fucking images

of you watching a Cubs game screaming, cheering, clapping, wearing Cubs hats, jerseys, jackets, the whole nine. You just can't. Or, you can do it, you can do whatever the fuck you want, let's be honest, but then you're jackets, the whole nine. You just can't. Or you can do it. You can do whatever the fuck you want, let's be honest. But then you're going to get shit for it.

Now, he tried to tell Dave, well, I was promoting movies. No, you were fucking there, rooting. And you can say you want to. Wait, who did he say was promoting a movie? In that, he's like, I was promoting. At one point in the jumble up, he's like, I was there because I was promoting a movie. Oh, at Wrigley? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's not fair. No. So he's absolutely right. But he... Look at that still. I mean, he just got... Look at that. No matter what was even said, he won that argument just by the...

White Sox Dave should have got some higher ground somehow. I didn't... So I had seen... Obviously, I'm alive, so I knew about this situation. Hadn't watched the video until just now. I had seen a lot of the responses. I was under the impression that White Sox Dave got blown out of the building. Well, I don't think he did.

You asked about, like, three obscure players. It's tough to— You think you're a sports fan? Name every player on the team in all history. I don't know. It was funny when he said, do you know Lamar Hoyt? And he just goes, Lamar Odom? Why would we be talking about Lamar odom right now dave it was not that like you're

right because it isn't this is what happens i've said this all the time it usually happens on twitter if a celebrity tweets anything at you everyone's like oh he got dumped on right it's like the celebrity could just tweet at you like shut up dude and people would be like what because he he claps back and usually celebrities don't i I think the fact that John Cusack, who, again, was like an A-list dude, was willing to just step up into fucking White Sox Dave's greasy face.

Like, going at it, kind of. Is that, to me, regardless of what was even said, I do gotta give that right there. That's what I mean. Little things like that. I think it's unfair to do the trivia, but to just have that ready. Who was the first baseman in 1983? It's like, what?

Which I think Eddie tweeted out that that was exactly the same player he referenced 10 years, whatever that fight started. I know who Mike Squires is. I feel like that might be. Is that your guy? He probably had it on deck. I'm Switzerland on this because I love Cus Squires is. I feel like that might be his. Is that your guy? He probably had it on deck. I'm Switzerland on this because I love Cusack.

Yeah. I also really like Dave. I think Dave, I've started hanging out with Dave. I think Dave kind of gets a bad rep. I love Dave. I think Dave is a great guy. He's a grand old time. Yeah, he's awesome. So I like both the people in this.

But I think that it was not as big a blowout as the internet had led me to believe. You're right, but it is utterly ridiculous. I'm just going to be in between. I like a little bit of both. It is one of the most ridiculous things that ever happened in Barcelona history. Was he doing an interview before that? I don't know. I think he was just talking with fans, probably. Oh, I thought I saw a camera. If he interrupted a fucking interview, that's like Was he doing an interview Before that I think he I don't know I think he was just Talking with fans probably

Oh I thought I saw If he interrupted A fucking interview That's even better And I texted Dave I said like how I don't even know Exactly how I worded it

But it's like It sucks When this happens to you When you run into Someone in person That you've been Running your mouth On the internet forever

And it's like Well fuck I didn't think this was Gonna happen That's why I was Wish Barstool Never became successful Yes I loved it think this was going to happen. Yeah, that's why I always wish Barstool never became successful. Yes, I loved it when I was an anonymous troll.

I loved the level of, like, I will – I'm not an anonymous troll in the sense I'll put my name on it, or at least my initials. I'll say it out there. I will at you on Twitter. Put my monitor on it. I'll put my fake internet name on it. I'll at you or whatever. I'll say it right to you. I just don't want to be big enough that you on it. I'll put my fake internet name on it. I'll at you or whatever.

I'll say it right to you. I just don't want to be big enough that you notice it. I want to be able to – because that's also when you're going to get like your full – you're going to be fully honest then. You know what I mean? Like when you're not catering to a celebrity's feelings or the guys on your team and you want them to like you. It's like I will – this is how I really fucking feel. I'll be be honest about this shit i also got to be on cusack's side because i am on the band list fuck you dave i am not allowed to uh celebrate the white socks world series when the white socks win the world series okay not too worried about it not too worried

about it uh they're a good team i actually do like the white socks are kind of like similar to the mets in the sense of like where we stand in our cities and we're both trying to like be on the come up. Obviously, the White Sox are doing it a lot better. But yeah, I'm already on the ban list. So like fuck you, White Sox, Dave. Team Cusack for life. Cusack is a – the perfect superstar, one-time superstar for this, for a Barstool storyline. You know, like, the reason why I think it's one of the most ridiculous things

is it's not, like, if there was a current huge celebrity who was at the White Sox game to, like, promote the blockbuster that was currently out, almost that would be, that wouldn't be as good. Because, like, yeah, he was there for the thing. It's just, like, John Cusack is, like, John Cusack is on Cameo and he's on Raya. He's on like dating apps. He's just kind of like this guy. You're on Cameo?

I don't know about Cameo, but I know he's on Raya. And it's like he was this guy who was this A-list superstar and now he's just kind of this regular cat. And then he goes on the Twitter tirade. This is where I thought I actually really liked John Cusack. I think he's still going to this moment. So it's like, all right, you need to stop. But he called him a belligerent, sweaty asshole and a foul little boy. And he said he has bad breath and bad body odor.

I bet you after a night of dogs, beer, and dip, White Sox Dave's in your face. Oh, that'll probably knock you out, dude. You probably had horrific breath. But just one of the best, like, it's Mad Libs, you know what I mean? It's like, insert name here, insert place, insert beef, White Sox Dave fighting John Cusack outside the stadium after a fucking White Sox game is, it's been a long time coming. I'm happy it finally happened. But, boy, and then Patricia Arquette jumped in the mix. I mean, it's crazy.

Patricia Arquette. She's wild. Is she dating him? I think she's very – she's always been closer to him, I feel like, or they were together once. But she came in being like, baseball's a sport of peace, and we don't need this darkness. Is it?

People throw baseballs at each other 100 miles an hour because they smiled at the wrong time. Yeah. It's an incredibly violent game and dangerous. It's just one for the record books. so I think a Dave I don't know if Cusack's performance is that great.

I think Dave just needed to hammer. He needed to be a little more ready with something. When he was like, agree to disagree. I don't like it. You can't just be yelling, blah, blah, blah. You've got to say it. At least he wasn't chewing gum, though. I think Dave actually kind of gets the – I think he might not be a shitster.

What? So the only other time I can think of him in a confrontational thing – and I want to be clear, I very much like Dave. It was the tie yourself yourself the statue thing and it was early days on dog walk and eddie called me and was like will you come on dog walk after that and by the way i never did that as like a fuck you to dave i didn't think it was funny it was just like it wasn't like oh i'll do what he was scared to do it was just like oh this is what we're talking about right now. Okay, I'll just make this jokey bet. Right.

But then I was like, yeah, I'll come on dog walk. And then it was just kind of like this weird thing where I was like, oh, I think he might be mad, but he never really said anything. And then. Like non-confrontational. Yeah. And then Eddie afterwards called me. He's just like, hey, I didn't think it was going to go that way. I was like, oh, I didn't know.

I didn't know. I didn't know he was mad. You know what? That's actually real. Yeah, right. Right. You know what? That's actually real. Yeah, right, right. You know, like, he's not faking it. Like, he doesn't have, like, real beef. Like, he's not going to fucking fabricate it.

Like, he's just a real dude. Right. And I think his point is, you know, he just wanted to make his point. Like, you can't root for both fucking teams. And he did that. I guess I didn't have to say it to your face. I could have just tweeted it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just that he did say to me he's like these people he's like it's almost like a boy band or something he said like there's a lot of q sack hands coming at him really who like don't know i get that fucking old moms who used to fucking think of themselves to johnny johnny c i almost said q because but no his son's heart is normal size another great fucking movie a little bit later and then we're talking about but still just an awesome action movie so yeah I mean put it put it in the history

books this comes after throwing the dip spit by the way that's that's hey hey by the way that's disgusting yeah I get it I mean I'm not I get he was discussed with it but as a former dipper I I have no problem with it. But I get that I used to gross people out.

It was weird that it was like he – I thought he grabbed the bottle without looking. It's like he steps over something and knocks something else over and then grabs it like, here's my dipstick bottle, and then throws it. It's madness. Madness. Why was he out here? For the stream. Yeah, but gambling is legal in Illinois.

That's a great question. Like, we haven't done Red Sox streams. I think we're doing one tonight. I think it's just going to be me and Hank. But, like, I was talking to Hank yesterday, and I was like, we've got to do a fucking stream. I think because it's a clinching game tonight. But I was like, why is Dave here? Because it's legal in Illinois. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, a couple guys were in. But I was like, why is Dave here? Because it's legal in a little way.

Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, a couple guys were in. There was a few of them, right? I feel like, was Eddie there too? No. No? He was the only shot. Well, Dave's not the smartest.

Probably did that on his own, not realizing. But anyway, add it to the history books of Barstool. Dave versus John fucking Cusack. And I know that Dave is in the internet blender right now. I did see some funny tweets that were like, did you mean to upload a different video where you don't get emasculated and embarrassed? You know, if you're going up against a celebrity or someone with clout, like you really got to fucking nail it.

Like Dave has done it before, Dave Portnoy. Like you got to bring your A game because people are always before. Dave Portnoy. You got to be... You got to bring your A-game because people are always going to lean towards the celebrity, which is kind of bullshit. But if Dave needs a little bit of help, pop on the computer. You can find himself some telehealth. Find himself a doctor

to talk to. Do some therapy. All on the phone, the computer, your tablet. All through a screen. You don't have to find any doctors in person. You don't have to sit in any waiting rooms or figure out who, what, when, where, why. I believe it is Mental Health Month. Is it? I think so.

I'm not positive. I don't know. But if there's ever a time to do it, it's right now. I would say that every month is Mental Health Month. It's always Mental Health Month. Our guy Jeff D. Lowe put out a real um post on instagram talking about some of his struggles i mean i i didn't i don't think i realized it but i have heard kind of through the grapevine and from fans of fans and friends of fans that like it still is a big deal to some people when we talk about how like we

have fucking issues um so i guess it's still like really matters to some people when we talk about how like we have fucking issues um so i guess it's still like really matters to some people to hear people who are on a platform or do a show or whatever that you know we're going through shit but we were almost joking earlier that like the you are not alone thing it's like i think we know that by now i think everybody knows we're all fucked up so you know we're not alone and uh we don't have to keep fucking saying it because we're all just fucking a little crazy and have some issues. So let's address it. Let's figure it out.

You know what it is? It's like if people said you're out of shape. It's like, yeah, we're all out of shape. But a lot of people go to the gym, right? Most people know to go to the gym because it's a physical, tangible thing. My stomach's big. I want it to be small. My arms are scrawny.

I want them to be big, so I have to work out. Well, your mental health is the same shit. You just can't see it. It'll work your brain out and work at it and go through therapy to make sure that you're not hurting and not losing your mind and you've got to be the best person you can be. Making it as simple as possible is better health where they can set you up with a doctor

in just a couple days. You can do it all over the computer where there's no stress of going anywhere. Or no stress of just having the wrong doctor. You have 48 hours, you're all set. Right. Which is, I think I said before, like I was, I'm looking through ZocDocs and going to different

things. He's trying to find your portal. I got goodwill hunting by someone. She kept telling me it's not my fault. I'm like, I just met you. Yeah. And I know my dead friend isn't my fault. I didn't fucking kill him.

I'm not a murderer. He's like, do you want to cry? Do you want to cry? I'm like, I want to leave this place and go find a nice telehealth professional. Right. And you know what? Finding a therapist too.

It's like, this one didn't work. Okay, like on to the next one. Just a couple days later, it's not like you wasted a lot of time or money, a lot of effort. So go to betterhelp.com. B-E-T-T-E-R. That's help.

That's better. H-E-L-P is help. Betterhelp.com slash KFC. Get 10% off your first month of treatment. BetterHelp.com slash KFC. We got to get into top fives. We got to do voicemails. We also have an interview with Kim Coates.

You know him as Tig from Sons of Anarchy. Which I've restarted since the interview. More fucked up than I remember it was Tig in particular Tig is I mean Tig is wild

I think in episode one he's like get the fuck out of here before I rape you yeah he's crazy man he's fucking Venus Venus the

Venus to Milo or whatever her name is Venus to whatever a lot of death a lot of murder and that the interview really got me fired up I was like oh I gotta go watch that again

this shit is I literally started that so if you're a Sons fan or a lot of murder, and the interview really got me fired up. I was like, oh, I've got to go watch that again. This shit is... I literally started that. So if you're a Suns fan or a fan of any of... He's actually in a lot of movies. He has a lot of cameos and a lot of roles in some major 90s movies and always just like the fucked up kind of scary guy. But Kim Coates was a gem. But first, what do you got?

I had a pretty tough weekend. Oh, no. I had a lot of stuff happen. I just had a lot of stuff happen. Did you tweet that video or post that video, or was that just an internal thing? No, it was posted. I was not aware it was getting posted. That was just for us.

It got posted. I wouldn't have had my gross bare feet in it if I knew I was getting posted. I went back and watched it like five different times being like, oh, wait, fuck. Is there anything? My dick tip hanging out there. My fucking socks were right next to the ice cream, which is disgusting. I mean, the whole thing is deplorable, John. That's the point.

I don't think there was anybody watching that being like, oh, I thought he was going to be living nice and clean. John has a video of him. that wakes up on the couch wakes up on the couch empty fucking uh ice cream jar container container container open drawers open freezer just wide open but luckily like a lot of stuff wasn't melted like i must have eaten it pretty early this morning. I don't know. Some people have suspected that you have a carbon monoxide leak and that you are, like, poisoning yourself and, like, slowly dying and blocking out your behavior. Sure could be. I think it's more, like, mental that you have just, like, suppressed thoughts to the point that you go to sleep and black out.

I sent texts that I don't remember sending, and I fell asleep watching Sons, and I woke up and Netflix was on, so I changed the channel at some point, too. Not only did I change the channel, I changed the streaming service. Right, right. You were, like, bouncing around on the whole page and everything. I woke up in the fucking screensaver for Netflix was on, and I was like, I fell asleep watching Sons, so this is weird. Yeah, man.

I'm going to die soon. I want everyone to be ready for that. I am not living he has been calling his shot for a while now and can i tell you why this one's i'm dying this one's i'm dying i don't want you to die because i don't want to like hear it like we're all gonna get so much backlash when you die. No, that was only if I died on my own hand. I don't know.

No, no. It's going to be everything, though. Because you're going to die from something unhealthy. Are you talking about you're going to get hit by a bus? Then we're good. But if it's anything like, I don't know, you just didn't wake up one day. Yeah, no, I think it's something's wrong with me. Yeah, yeah.

That's not going to just fall on you, dude. Oh, okay. Well, here's an audio will. This is just my fault. Chill out. I'm going to play that. Yeah. Well, here's an audio will. This is just my fault. Chill out. I'm going to play that. Yeah. That's why I did it for you. When John dies, I'm going to tweet RIP John with that fucking video.

This was 100% my fault. Shut the fuck up. My eulogy at your funeral is going to be like I'm rewatching Succession as building up to the third season when Colin Connor goes to Mo Lester's funeral and he's just like, Lester was a man who was alive and now is not anymore. And it's sad that he's not. Thank you. I'm not speaking on any specifics. We're not going to do it on any of that.

You're not going to know that John Cole is shot a thousand fucking times to us because people are going to be like, why didn't they stop it? But while we're on depressing, I hit like an all time depressing milestone. Saturday morning, 7 a.m. doing laundry. I could end the story. I was going to say that's it. Could do it. Could end it right fucking there.

But I was doing laundry and I don't know about how your childhood went, but like one of the few chores I had in my life was I had to get the clothes from the basement that my mom had folded and bring them up. Okay. It was just easy stuff. And I remember always seeing my dad's underwear and being like, this shit's fucking got tears in it, and it's old. And I was like, what the fuck?

Am I going to have cable? Am I going to have a shitty Christmas this year? Why is this dude's underwear so fucking old looking? And as I was folding my underwear, I realized I am now a person with old underwear. And that is as sad a thing as can happen in your life. Because guess what? I used to lose my underwear at women's apartments. I used to lose it at the beach.

I'd lose it at fucking bars. I'd just drink too much and pee my pants and throw the underwear out. I'd lose it fucking anywhere. I'd eat so much food, I'd shit my pants. And I would just throw the underwear away. I'd lose underwear everywhere now you now it's like now you would shit in those and keep them no not even that it's just that i don't live a shit yourself life anymore i don't live a life crazy enough to be at

a girl's apartment i leave my underwear there i leave a life i lead a life where I fucking wake up in the morning, put on an old ass pair of underwear, walk to work, sit at my cubicle, fucking go home, put that underwear in the wash, and the threads, they are like a... The threads are killing themselves. They are. They're like a fucking significant other leaving me. They're like, this dude has hit a rut, and I've known him for five years now. They're just disintegrating.

And I think that I've learned who he is as a person, and I don't think he's got the mental fortitude to fix this situation. I don't think he's going to end up in this rut forever. So I'm leaving while I'm still at least a little bit intact before he destroys me entirely saying, he's got an extra two or three weeks in these. Yeah. That's the thing, too.

Something happens mentally where you're like, why do you have to push the limit with these underwear? Why do we have to stretch out another? It's like, the elastic's not totally dead. It's like all fucking bacon necked out. You know what I mean? It's all wrinkly, wobbly. You're still wearing them.

I don't know why. I'm getting broken up by my underwear. Fucking, it's gotten down to me undies things. I'm not going to be with you forever. You don't lead a life I want to be around for anymore. I'm fucking out. If my me undies were in the room right now,

they'd have to put money in the jar. My fucking, my Tommy Johns were in here, they'd be like, yeah, I got a quick draw. That's to shoot yourself in the fucking head. Quick draw fly. Pull that dick out and kill yourself, motherfucker. You're going to kill yourself.

No, you know, when you die, however it is that you go, like the detective on the scene is going to be looking at your underpants as evidence and be like, oh, this guy had suicidal underpants. We get it. This is what Polly warned me of. Yes. Polly warned me of this for years. Don't ever have holes in your underwear.

Decades. Don't have holes in your underwear. Guess what? Holes. Not even holes. Just worn out. Just the seat of my pants are worn out. Can I tell you something even more pathetic?

So I have... Was that a scoff out of you? A what? Oh, I thought I heard a scoff out of you? A what? Oh, I thought I heard a scoff being like, these fucking old assholes. I have just come to terms with the fact that I think I'm like a double XL in boxers. It's crazy.

I put on just a... I've been large like everything. I've just been large my whole life. Like large pants, large shorts, large t-shirts, whatever. I put on a pair of large underwear and it just doesn't work. And now – and then I – so I finally like recently upgraded to XL and I was like, oh, this is so much better. I've just been wearing the wrong size boxers for like my whole fucking life. And now I think it's time that maybe I need to go up another level but I can't bring myself to wear fucking double XL.

Double XL. That might be it end of this podcast. Yeah, that's what I mean. You can't have double XL underwear unless you're like an actual fat guy. You know what I mean? If you get double XL underwear, I might treat you like my underwear treats me. I don't know, man. Yeah, we're done with this, dude.

It might be time for me to head back to the loom. But it's But it Yeah there's There's something about like One's relationship With their underwear That It's like this guy Doesn't even care about My appearance anymore

And it's It's about He's giving up It's about like yeah You used to like have One of the first things That got me into Barstool Was when Dave was talking about

When you have your Big game boxer briefs You're going to go out on a date Where you have a big Big thing A big moment Where you're going to be naked. It's like, no, it's like you don't have big games.

You might even have the underwear, but no one's going to see them. So back to my point. So I have larges and now XLs that really just don't fit me. And I took a pair and I kind of just ripped the elastic. What you used to do with hats? Yes, to just give it a little snip. So I get it a little bit bigger

in the waist, and it's still not right, because it's not the waist, it's my fat ass. So the waist is not the problem. So then I just cut the thigh a little bit to kind of like... Jesus Christ! I was down to no pairs left. Everything was in the laundry. To the laundry!

Before you take your underpants to a tailor who has no training in tailoring. John, let me tell you. So I'm sniffing... I'm just cutting, Ren. I've become an underwear surgeon at this point, right? And so, you know, it's one thing Were you going to bring this up if I didn't bring up my underwear?

No! Why would I ever talk about this publicly ever? So, it's one thing I understand it's fully pathetic already But it's one thing, like I said I'm in a jam I actually, when I used to call this I wrote about this on For Sure Not way back in the day

You have your big game boxer briefs. The antithesis of that is like your last stand boxers. I got one pair left that you inherently hate. And it's like when I made the switch over to boxer briefs, but I would still have like one pair of regular boxers floating around. And you put those on and you got just extra fucking fabric everywhere. Or you got the pair that doesn't have a fly or the pair that itches you because of a tag, whatever it is, and you're like,

your day's ruined. When you open up your drawer, and you realize you're wearing your last pair of boxers for the day, it's fucking over. You might as well just call it in, like I'm sick, and kill yourself. Today's Monday.

Whatever day it is, it's a Monday. It's a Monday automatically. But I'm down to that last pair. I snip. It gives me a little relief. I squeeze my fat ass in there. I wore those a second time.

And that's the true patheticness. Like you popped them inside out and wore them the next day? No, no, no. Not that much. Because I fucking – No, that's fine. That's fair. If I just didn't do laundry again because I'm clinically depressed and I can't bring myself to do normal tasks at home, I would be like, oh, yeah, I just got to flip these inside out.

I'm saying it made it into my laundry and made, like, another rotation. Yeah. You're talking to someone who wore small underwear for, like, literally, I think, the better part of a decade. So, yeah, I can see how I wore a pair of underwear that didn't fit me two times. But, like, do you understand, like, the depression of, like, here's my surgically altered pair of boxers. I'm going to wear them again today. Okay. Well, let me just see how far we were down here.

This surgery. Yeah. Performed with scissors or a knife? They were scissors. Knife would be even better. But it was almost, it was like a knife and then just brute force. It was just ripping. Because I did a little snip and it was like, that's not enough.

I basically was wearing like a kilt. I was going to say. It was just flopping in the wind. I just should have not worn underwear. I don't know, whatever. Who fucking cares? You were a roll of duct tape and eyesight away from wearing a fucking dish towel and then a wraparound. You know what?

Fuck it. This is easy. I'm just doing adult typey. I'm wearing Depends because I don't have any more underwear. All right. So let's keep depression rolling here. Dude, this weekend, the other day,

I had someone come by. I was at the bar and I left the bar for a bit to go grab some cigarettes. And I was in the 7-Eleven. I also had to buy a bunch of candy. And then I was like, well, I'm trying to be healthy. So I'll get this big bag of candy and I'll also get a banana.

So I'm outside a bar. I'm outside a bar with doing alternating drags with cigarette banana. And at 7-Eleven, they just give you paper bags. So it's got a paper bag crunched up in the same hand as a banana. Wait, you're doing a paper bag banana? No, no, no, no. The banana's on its own. It's in the same hand.

But the banana's riding solo. Paper bag is full of candy that's just in the same grip. Oh, on like your wrist? No, it's a paper bag, so I'm just holding it. This is bad. So you're lifting the bag and banana to your mouth every time you take a bite. Yes, exactly. This is bad, John.

This is bad. And then I'm like – I'm kind of just sitting there. Are you ever like eating the banana before you – like, you know, what's it called? What's it called in college when you like – you take a drag, then you do the shot, then you exhale? Oh, cannonballing. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. You're doing the banana?

Are you cannonballing your bananas? I'm doing this regularly. But I'm doing it on a street corner, not in front of the factory, the bar. Well, because I don't want the people I'm with to see me. Yeah. So I'm staying – Yeah, this is just a break. You're going back'm staying next to a... This is just a break? You're going back to the bar after this?

This is just a cigarette, banana... You went on a cigarette, banana break, John? So I'm sitting next to a trash barrel because I'm on the street going, I want to be out of view. So I'm smoking a cigarette, just kind of looking down, biting a banana, bag full of candy coming to my face. Cigarette, banana. Someone comes walking across the street. They go, hey, what's up, Fidelberg? Big fan. I'm mid-drag.

So I go to correct him. And they go, I go back to biting my banana. And go back to biting my banani. It's actually Feidelberg. It's so great. I don't want you to think I'm someone else. God forbid you go home unsure if you've seen Feidelberg. Switching back and forth between a cigarette and a beer.

Sitting by the trash can. Oh, man. If you don't believe me, I'll give you my social security. You want to take a picture? Let's take a picture. You can post it on your Instagram. You want a bite? You want to bite the banana? You want to take a drink? Oh, man.

And they were mobile 100 because you gave me the wrong thing and they want to correct them so I look like Cruella De Vil. Oh, man. We're getting close to rock bottom. Hold, please. But anyway, I need to call the police on my neighbors.

This happened this weekend as well So I've been working out I don't know if you've noticed I've been working out a little bit Yeah No big deal And

Tell you something I absolutely haven't Yeah No one has And so I But when I work out I just don't like music anymore I just don't

I don't care about music I don't like it You say this all the time and then you're going to literally calm yourself when Taylor Swift puts out a beat. That's the sound of a siren, Kevin! She's going to just sing a song that already is out.

I'm just re-singing this. And everyone's like, did you hear the Taylor album? I'm like, no. She put out new music and they go, no, it's just an album from ten years ago that she's singing karaoke again. You fucking losers. Yeah. yeah i'm not gonna hear anything on no arguments i'll have crashed my ship into the rocks trying to save this woman anyway i that's what the sirens did you dick face you dummy ever read the odyssey you fuckingon Suck a dick What's up Homer Anyway The

So But when I work out I listen to music And I listen to like 90s Early 2000s Punk rock I think I've just finished it

I think I've Gone through the whole catalog I think I've gone through it all I've heard it all so much I've been kind of sick of it Yeah So I now listen to

Just comedy albums Not podcasts Comedy albums I just listen to just comedy albums Not podcasts Comedy albums I just listen to them and that's what I do while I work out Now my workouts entail Not much really Jumping rope I have 10 pound weights

I'm going for tone not size I have 10 pound weights I do low weight high reps bro They're like what are those those, your girlfriend's weights? Yes, they are. Are they the pink, like, the rubber pink ones? Yes, they are. They're actually gray, but yes, they are surrounded by rubber so I don't hurt my nails.

Right. And chip my nails. And then I also do a light boxer. So I'm, like, kind of on my porch, and I do this shirtless because I have the body that I am allowed to work out shirtless. Okay. People don't see it. They're not, like, and I do this shirtless because I have the body that I am allowed to work out shirtless. Okay. People don't see it. They're not like, they're not like, that's disgusting. No, no.

I'm in between that's disgusting and that's a douchebag. I'm just a regular person. Right. They, they, they say, that would be enough for me to not work out at all, but go off. It's just like, oh, okay. That's just the guy. He gets hot. He's sweaty.

Yeah. It's not like, oh, he's showing off. Nope. He just, he sweats a lot when he exercises because he's got that body. Right. showing off like nope he just he sweats a lot when he exercises because he's got that body right um and but because i've listened to the comedy albums i listen to comedy albums now and again not podcasts comedy albums where people are recording in front of live audiences going for laughs every 15 seconds yeah i laugh out loud all the time yeah So what my neighbors see and hear is in a shirtless adult man jumping rope.

Laughing maniacally. Laughing his ass off. And then I will take breaks, Kevin, to go inside and punch things. They'll come back out and I'll jump rope, right? And sometimes I mess up jumping rope so it whips me, my shirtless body. So I'm like, oh, you fucking son of a... And I'm on my porch for this. So they hear me and they see me.

And they're like, honey, whoever lives with him is going to die. This is like. And then the wife's like, oh, no, they've been dead for a week or two. It's in their closet. I don't see them anymore. They're under the bed. And it's just me. I was listening to Soder, son of a Gary, just fucking dying when he talks about how Hulk Hogan could have

fucked him. And he drops the line, what's he going to do, Hulk Hogan, when Dan Soder doesn't tell on you? And I was like, scream laughing while I jump rope. And then I would go inside and get a clear view of the window and just punch things while I continued laughing. And no one has so much as knocked on my

door, Kevin. They have seen something. Of course not! You think someone's gonna come over and I'm gonna go across the street and go see the guy who laughs maniacally and beats things up and fucking sweats. You are the last door I would ever knock on. Fine! Then call the police on me.

You see something, say something. They've seen things and they've said nothing. That's like the behavior of Joker. Yeah, I know. That's Joaquin Phoenix. Like that laugh. And then just random bursts of cunt. It's maniacal laughter,

like Tourette's type yelling, and violence. It's everything that should have people in white suits and a van showing up to take me away. Again, these are the things that fall on us now. Why didn't you have this guy fucking institutionalized?

These are all cries for help. He's literally out there screaming for help. Can you imagine just watching someone laugh while they jump rope and hit a light and curls and push-ups? Just laughing

the whole time. And I understand people listen to podcasts while they work out, It is kind of a thing. There's more of that. It's a little bit more socially acceptable these days.

Not what you're doing. But you can look at the comedy because it's just like these are people like, you know, occasionally this is every 15 seconds. We have a funny joke. I am just laughing out loud for 40 to 50 minutes at a time with intermittent bursts of swear. I mean, John, this is getting depressing.

This was – Everything I just said happened in a 24-hour window. I know. That's crazy. Day in the life, motherfuckers. Oh, man. Well, we might as well just keep it rolling. We'll do top five most depressing moments of your life. Top five rock bottom moments. Top five depressing milestones moments of your life. Top five rock bottom moments.

Top five depressing milestones. Yeah, yeah. Top five moments where you looked... I make a solemn promise to not use anything that actually happened because it'll make you too sad. I'll soften it a bit. It's brought to you by... Oh, well, this is perfect.

It's brought to you by bird dogs. What do you do when you're down to your last pair of boxers rather than fucking operating on them And trying to squeeze your fat double XL ass into them Put on a pair of bird dogs They got the underwear built in And we're not talking about like some fucking mesh net From your shitty bathing suit from 1995

We're talking about this silky smooth behavior That's not the right word Silky smooth behavior I was going to the right word. Silky smooth behavior. I was going to say material, and for some reason behavior came up. What does that say? What's silky smooth behavior? What just happened to my brain? It sounds like this.

Yeah. Someone slides up to you on the bar like this. That's silky smooth behavior. I'm wearing my bird dog. Speaking of silky smooth behavior, I thought of a thought today. I do say I do. I'm going to go through a couple of voices like I always do. Today I was in the shower and I was washing up.

I didn't use any shampoo, but I did use a conditioner. And as that conditioner dripped down my body, I thought, I never feel sexier than when I have a comforting conditioner. I think, boy, I feel sexy. I think, am I made of a kimono? Because this just feels sultry. What just happened?

Is everyone else seeing this in the room right now? Am I hallucinating? We are witnessing a manic episode. Did you really have a moment where the conditioner was cascading down your body and you were like, I feel sexy right now? Because you are despicable.

That is gross. I'm going to read it exactly as it says here. Never felt sexier than when conditioner is dripping on me. Am I made of a kimono? Fuck you! That hit you?

I don't think I've ever said this in the history of this show. I think we need to take a break. Because I don't know what's next. If I just keep riling him up, I don't know where we go next. I think he's going to tear down the shelves next or something. Oh my god. Bird dogs, you're welcome. I think he's going to tear down the shelves next or something. Oh, my God. Bird dogs, you're welcome. This is technically still your ad.

You never felt sexier than when you wear a pair of bird dogs with the silky smooth behavior. This is exactly what I was talking about. That's why I said so. When you got your silky smooth material, it's kind of like a hammock. Like a smooth, sexy hammock for your balls. It is exactly like a hammock strung up between two savannah trees. It's bird dogs, man. Bird dogs.

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Holy underwear with an E. Yeah. Holy. Holy, I get it. I get it, man. It's holy. Holy. Holy.

It's not the pants. Wicked wear. You are out of control today. You are out. I need like a... You're like a dog in heat. You're a cat in heat. It's out of control right now.

Goodness gracious. I can't even think of these like in order, basically. I'm just going to bring up depressing things that have happened. And this one just this weekend. I'm at the beach with Keegan, and we're throwing rocks. I hope we all stay in a 48-hour window for the top five depressing moments. Well, we should, to be honest. Because nothing that happened, like, 20 years ago is even remotely depressing as the last two weeks for me.

You know what I mean? And nothing that's really happened in the last two weeks is just my life now. This regular-ass shit that happens now is more depressing than my most depressing moments 20 years ago. Things that people used to throw around the word depressing or whatever, it's like, no, you have no fucking idea. Oh, man, life is so hard. It's like, no, it's fucking not. It hasn't even begun. I was at the beach with Keegan, and we're throwing rocks in the water.

And, I mean, I just can't throw anything anymore. And it's the same beach I used to go to as a little kid. And there's been this floating dock that we used to swim out to when we were kids. I used to be able to throw rocks and hit it. And, I mean, I just can't even come close now. And so I'm throwing rocks with Keegan. And I have to, like, throw a sidearm. Are you one of those psychopaths? No, I just can I know that's what I mean like that's I had a

little league coach who could that's all you could throw yeah like a sidewinder if I if I throw overhand even if I just like do that motion it's coming out we were like we were like nine years old and he'd be throwing us like like like dirtiners Yeah And I'm like dude You're like the guy on the A's What the fuck man Like this is BP I'm I haven't hit puberty yet What are you doing

Dude just fucking Have your wife throw it Okay Just throw it like this Yeah yeah Like a beer pong ball Just throw it But just realizing that I can't throw

Like I actually had a thought of like When Keegan gets old enough to really play baseball, and we're playing catch, or I'm like doing long toss, or you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm not going to be able to do this. My arm is so shredded, I'm not going to be able to really play baseball with my kid.

That's a depressing thought, John! That's a tough one. That's a bad one, dude. That's a bad one. I was saying, Shay, do you think I can hit that dock out there? And she was like, no. That? All bad one, dude. That's a bad one. And I was like, I'm like, I was saying, I was like, Shay, do you think I can hit that dock out there? And she was like, no. What? All the way out there? And I'm like, crow-hop. And at first, I was just like, I would just step and throw. And I came nowhere

close. And I was like, oh, okay, wait a minute. Let me warm up. By the end of it, John, I'm fucking crow-hopping and throwing it. And it was coming close, but it was... Did you ever get it? No. No?

No. It was probably like 100 feet away, Josh. It was so close. So that was depressing. All right, my number two, when I had to start sitting down to put on socks. That's a great one. Yeah. One of my favorite Louis C.K. bits is when he talked about when I bend down to put my socks on,

it's like trying to fold a bowling ball. I don't know if it's a cannonball, but yeah. And I don't have a chair in my room. And for some reason, my bed is always just covered in clothes. Yeah, no, I'm with you. So I don't really have time to sit in my bed. So I have to walk into my living room to put on socks to get dressed the rest of the time. I have to do a lap around my apartment just to get dressed.

Yeah, no, I feel you. That is a good one. I will just sit down on the floor to put my shoes on sometimes. You put yourself on the floor? Yeah, just like I'll just sit down. That's psychotic. Well, I mean, if it's...

That's... Whatever, dude. But you live in an apartment. There's a chair close by. Because guess what? If I sit on the floor, I'm going to be a half hour late for work. You know what they say?

Let's try to do it right now. I believe I've read at some point that they said the sign of just basic health is sit on the ground and just get up off of it without using your hands, without touching the ground. I think this was for geriatrics. So maybe this is going to be easy for us, but I don't know. Just sit down. Yeah, as I'm sitting down, I'm like, wait a So maybe this is going to be easy for us, but I don't know. Like just sit down. Yeah, as I'm sitting down, I'm like, wait a minute. It's going to be tough.

So just like sit. Can you sit in your style? I bet you you can. Can I sit crisscross applesauce, you mean? I'm going to be able to do this. Yeah? No problem. There's no way.

I don't know how well you can hear us over there, but there's no way this is the fucking sign of basic... I can't use my hands? There's no way! Someone get up! Sign of... Google sign of... Get up! No, I'm saying this is impossible. Oh, okay, good. I thought you were saying it's too easy. No, no, no. It's too hard.

The lights are off. I can't have you touch the ground! No, that's the point! There's no way! There's no way! I gotta do this rock... I was getting nervous that you were gonna do this way too easily. I thought I was gonna!

I gotta do this rocking thing. I think of my rock, back, and then rock. Oh, I can do it! Oh! Yeah, but I think I'm also just doing my ACL. There's no way that's how you're supposed to get up. No.

Just so we're clear, my right leg is numb. I think I pinched a nerve or something. My right leg is... It immediately went numb and I don't know. I got it.

Something popped in my left knee. There's no way that's the sign of basic health. I wish I could remember That's the sign of a superhero. Like, Marvel's going to call me when this fucking clip comes out.

Do you want to be an ex-capitalist? Google get up without, no, don't do the sign of basic health. Just say get up without touching the ground or something like that. Because I remember reading that and being like, I could do this no problem. At the time, I could. And now it's like the stand-up test. The stand-sit test. Yep. And now it's like the stand-up test. Yeah. The stand-sit test.

Yep. What does it say at the top there? Yeah, what are you going to read something other than a headline? No thanks. Yeah, what it says about your lifespan. The sit on the floor without using your hands says about your lifespan. Oh, it says sit on the floor, go down. We got up.

Oh, that's even harder. Yeah, we both used hands to get down. Oh, my God. Wait, doing it to get down? I'm just going to collapse on the floor? Yeah. Right? Or no, wait.

No, I'm good, actually. I can just do that. Yeah. I can do that. So what does this say? I think I'm way harder. You did that. Both of those were way smoother than I thought.

Like, than I could do. Yeah, because I'm in better shape. Yeah. I don't know about you. I love the fact that- I jump rope and do lightbox every day, Kevin. You're supposed to be in a chair. What?

In a chair, Kevin! What is it? If you're able to get up like this out of a chair. Oh, that's easy. Off the ground, yeah. Like I said, superheroes. I don't know. That was amazing.

Actually, you know what I'm able to do now? I can do the Chinese Hun squat. Oh, yeah, to do now? I can do the Chinese Hoon squat. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can do that. It is crazy how many Chinese people do that. Or Asian people. I see it on the streets of New York all the time. It's wild.

Heels on the ground. It's not comfortable, though. They're just chilling, smoking, eating bananas. It's crazy. I definitely hurt my knee a little bit. Anyway, I'll tell you what Your next draft pick should be That scene right there

What are you talking about? That was fun I did it My knee is like Burning We were supposed to sit in a chair I don't know That was not what I read

I read something else The chair is for like If you're fucking about to die You can't get up out of a chair Although that is like You know Yeah Yeah

My number three is going to be I had to watch what I eat Like You can't get up out of a chair. Although that is like, you know. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. My number three is going to be, like, I had to watch what I eat. Wait, you're number three? Yeah, underwear. What did I do? Put on socks. I only drafted one so far? Oh, I drafted first.

No, you drafted two. What did I draft? You're throwing and, oh, I guess you didn't draft this time. Yeah, I got to draft something. something um um um i will go with uh the the moment i enjoyed unsweetened iced tea the moment that i i i was always like snapple or even better i would make my own lipton i would make a fucking pitcher of my own iced tea and it would be there would be so much powder in there that no matter how much I stirred, it was not dissolving anymore. Like the water had its fill of powder. I was like, we can't fucking hold it anymore, dude.

And this shit would be like so fucking dark brown sugary. And then I just hit a moment where Young Unsweetened came out. And now I can't drink sweetened iced tea. I'm like, this is like a fucking bowl of sugar in my mouth. I can't do it and I mean how I feel eating milk chocolate I'm dark chocolate guy that's

a good one that's another one same sort of thing where I mean and if you if you see like young people like when you're like I'll have an unsweetened iced tea you're like oh my god

you're just gonna kill yourself it's a weird sign of like you know you're you're old dude okay yeah I'm gonna do that I'm gonna take the dark chocolate dark chocolate. Dark chocolate, yeah, that's it.

Well, how about I put like a slash, because I want this all to be on the graphic, but it is like, it's all eating habits. We're like, I like dark chocolate. Yep, that's a good one. And I can't eat a full pizza anymore. Without Harper? No, I can't do it. I used to take down a full pizza and open it.

Okay. I can eat like two or three slices of pizza now, max. Yeah. And then even with those two or three slices, through the roof dude i sleep i sleep sitting up i just sleep on a couch so that that that to me you you're taking the the eating i'm taking heartburn because when i when i learned what heartburn was like i didn't know what heartburn even meant you know like i've heard the descriptions of it and stuff or whatever but i remember the first time i felt it i was in bed laying down as that's when it hurts you know and i was like i need to go to the hospital

something's wrong like this really really really hurts like something is happening here and then i'm googling all these different things and then one of them is saying heartburn and i was like no fucking way and it was like sit up and do these other little things that like make it subside and those all like were working i was like, fuck, I have heartburn. And it's this bad. When people get heartburn, they're like, you've had that for like 15 years? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why do you think I'm fucking suicidal? That feeling is the worst, dude. It's tough. Fourth pick? Fourth pick is when I started getting scared of stuff. Hmm. Like, like I was, I mean, this is up until like probably, that was probably 30. Like I was fearless.

I didn't give a fuck. Yeah. You were jumping off a fucking cliff. I'll do cliffs. I'll drive a hundred miles an hour. I'll fucking, I'll fight. I'll fucking, I'll ride rides and roller coasters. Like I was, and it's probably even, yeah, I would say probably around 30 where it was just like, okay, I'm – I'm out.

I'm just scared of things. Yeah. Like, there's – and which is weird because, like, the longer it goes, the less I have to live for. And it's for some reason, like, now I'm scared of things. I – my fourth pick would be I went on, like, a kiddie ride with Keegan yesterday at a carnival. And I really didn't enjoy it. It was one of those – it was kind of like the teacups where it spins, but you also spin while you spin. And it is completely – you can spin the thing in the middle to make it spin fast.

Keegan, knock it off. I just held it fucking still. I just held it so we didn't spin. And even just the going around, I like i don't like this and i remember when we went to the king richards fair me dan and dave went on a kiddie little like sea dragon thing and dave at the time was probably like 38 right i don't know whatever yeah probably about that and he's like like boy dude i don't really like this and i'm sitting there i'm looking around i'm moving around like are you fucking kidding me this is like a little swing you fucking pussy and now i'm like uh any anything i jumped on the trampoline with my kids i was like

this doesn't feel right i don't like this feeling at all it's like roller coasters things we spin shit i used to be like put me on the gravitron put me on the roller coaster put me on this whatever and now i'm like anything that makes me slightly, like even just like doing like dizzy bat, like I just like turn around, I'm like, whoa, what the fuck? I need a cane to walk you out of bed. Yeah. I mean, it's depressing. My last one, noise. What is it?

Was it Kiss? Someone had a band. It was a band. It was like, if the noise is too loud, you're too old. To me, it's too loud, you're too old. Yeah. I, this is part of, this is honestly probably part of the reason I went to comedy.

I can't, I just can't have things in my ears anymore. I can't have music in my headphones. It's too loud. It is all too loud. Noises, bro, I don't talk to my parents anymore because to talk to them, I have to be on the streets. And then there's other,

it's like, there are too many, oh, I don't talk to them at home. There's better shit to do. I have Netflix be on the streets. Yeah. And then, like, there's other... It's like, there are too many... Oh, I don't talk to them at home. There's better shit to do. I have Netflix at home. To talk to them, I have to be on the streets. You mean talk to my parents when I have the internet and Netflix? No. No, fine.

That's for when I'm walking. That's the only time... That's the only time people talk to other people. When you're walking or driving. Once you get back to... Netflix spent $9 dollars On content this year You think I'm gonna Mom and dad

How much did you guys spend Oh you had a nice Dinner last night Nobody cares Seinfeld's on now Thank you very much The And it's like

It's only when I'm on the street And it's just like There's like Cars and sirens And fucking Subways under me And I'm like There's too much noise Happening right now Are you gonna be One of the people Who plugs their's cars and sirens and fucking subways under me and I'm like there's too much noise

happening right now are you going to be one of the people who plugs their ears when the sirens go by go Larry David I used to make fun of those people

like you're really going to plug your ears while the siren goes by for like 10 seconds because sometimes in New York the traffic's bad and it's like

are you following me I'm okay go get someone else the sirens can be a bit much but the people who plug their ears for the train it's like come on the train's not someone else. The sirens can be a bit much, but the people who plug their ears for the train, it's like, come on, the train's not that loud. But the sirens, that shit goes right through.

It goes right through, yeah. All right, for my last pick, boy, there's a lot to choose from. We rifled through this one pretty fast with no research. Let me rattle off a couple things I'm thinking of. How about this? I'll give you an honorable mention while you're still thinking. Yeah. I don't jerk off as much anymore.

Okay, wait. No, I'm back. I'm back. The first time my dick didn't work. And all the subsequent times after that. I remember being like, I will never have a problem getting my dick hard. As a matter of fact, I will embrace it. I need this thing to go away a little bit.

You know what I mean? This is presenting more problems than it is benefits. Put a little more milk in this black coffee. That'd be great. I need to cut it. It's a little too pure. I got that Colombian right now. I need that shit stepped on, okay? I was like, I need this dick to not be as active as it is.

I used to jerk off every single shower. Kevin, I used to jerk off like eight times a day. But every – if I took a shower, I'm jerking off. If I was naked, I was like, well, this dick is going to come. If this dick is out, it's going to come. And it would get hard and it would come. We're going to come to the party and not get fucked up. And then that first time where I remember being like, oh, wait, it's happening.

Fuck. And I had to be like, it's not you, it's me. And I don't know if this has ever happened. But even more depressing than when your dick doesn't work the first time with the girls, when your dick doesn't work for the first time with yourself. I still never let that one happen. Where do you think you're going, buddy? You fight through it.

You get back here. You get back here. I got fucking an elastic strap. It's not even hard. It's just full of blood and purple. That was a little too specific.

Funny visual, though. But I have put on one of those things before. Have you ever worn one of those? Like what you're describing. Oh, I wore a cock ring before. But did you ever put it over the balls? Well, the woman in New Orleans did that. She just bit the bag off a condom.

Because I've worn a condom... One of the all-time most intimidating movies. It's the... It's like, what the fuck? For the people who don't... She chewed the condom apart so that it was just the elastic ring. We're not talking about the fucking wrapper. We're talking about the rubber itself.

No, no, no. It's already out of the wrapper. I know. I know. She flips it out. Give me that cock, you guys. Wrap around your cock. Hop up there.

I'll suck that cock. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. You're going to doodle it. Oh, man. But that was like a throw-in at Romantic Depot once. This thing was so small, John. It was the tiniest little rubber fucking thing I'd ever seen.

And you just stretch it out and you put it over that shit, it will turn anything hard. It will make Gumby fucking rock hard. That shit will trap all your blood in there, bro. But, man, the first time having to deal with any of that, having to get your Roman fucking pills or swipes or any of that is just like, oh, man, I never thought. I truly, like, not even on like a, again, not in like a macho way, where I was just like, I know how hard this thing always gets.

I don't think it's ever going to be a problem. Never going to be a problem. It's a problem. Yeah, it's got to be my number five. Most depressing milestones. Also, getting divorced. Yes. Signing the divorce papers.

Signing the divorce papers. My first Christmas without my kids Sharing birthdays with newborns Great So let us know your most depressing I would love I want two things from the KFC Radio Audience right now

One, I want people to come up with Video voicemails It's our new segment that we're going to do. Instead of calling in, just make a video. You don't have to make it all weird and gross and sexual. If you don't want to put your face on it, it can just be regular questions, but we'd love to make it more visual. We can put it in the YouTube.

You can see the clips, so please do that. Merch it up, too, right? Merch it up for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you submit and you make it to the show, we'll give you some free merch right now. So think about it. You can either win a new hoodie. If you're like a content creator, you can get

your face out there. We'll get your name out there. You can make videos, show people you're funny, all that shit. There's a lot of benefits to it. Two, I want a 20-year-old to make their top five list of this. Yeah. I want a 19-year-old kid to be like my most... So I can riddle you on the internet. Yes. Watch, we're going to find the most depressed, fucked want a 19-year-old kid to be like my most depressed. So I can riddle you on the internet. Yes.

Watch, we're going to find the most depressed, fucked up 19-year-old ever. When my mom killed herself, when my dad killed herself, when I got cancer, when my dog died. But yeah,

what do you think is depressing? When I got a C on my midterms. Yeah. Fuck you. Your dick still works. Fill out five different schools. Suck an ass. All right, we're going to get into voicemails in a second,

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On your mark Get set Jacked up Okay I'll start with Jets As always First of all I want credit

I woke up I watched the game Did you know it was 9.30 Kickoff Prior to like waking up that morning Wow Cause even I didn't I woke up and was like

Wait oh fuck It's a 9.30 game Yeah I didn't know either I also Sorry to interrupt you real quick I'll pause and stop I'll pause it for you Stop

I don't understand How England hasn't like Started a war yet Yeah We say shit games every year I think someone told me yesterday That there's literally Never been two winning teams

Who've played Yeah no I mean Who would have It's always the Jags And it's very often the Jets It's insane It's terrible The Pats have played over there once

The Pats were 4-3 at the time, surprising, 2012, against the 3-4 St. Louis Rams. I think that's the closest we've ever had to two winning teams. A Jets-Falcons game is the last thing on the planet Earth I would ever want to spend my time watching. I would be upset. Just stop with the games. And Jackie, what happened?

The Jets lost. Yep. No, Zach Wilson yeah you know how last time I said he's doing pretty well yeah didn't do pretty well um he had like 60 yards passing in the first half here's okay actually so this is a thought that I had that normally when I say these things I just take it from like whatever i'm hearing yeah but this was an original thought that i had which i think means and if i got it right then like i know sports you know how um aaron rogers you can't give him time on the clock yeah i think with zach wilson you need to give him time on the clock because i think he fucks up with more time he has. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Zach Wilson. You don't seem like as. Well, that kind of doesn't make. I don't know exactly what you're saying. Because what I saw and this is what I thought was like at the end there, there was like a little time where they could have turned it around.

Yes. So the Jets need like another quarter. Yes. And they could probably pull out some of these comebacks. But like when Zach was was like when he when they did like the little ten hut like whatever snap the ball. He would get it and then he would be like

he would have it for too long and then just time would go on. He would just keep it. You could tell that he was just like overthinking it. I do think he overthinks it. I think when he just slings it, he actually plays well. He's the only guy who can't make short passes. But when he just balls and he just throws it down the field, it's much better.

I heard Adam Archuleta saying that yesterday, that he has a problem with the easy stuff. Yes. Adam Archuleta also admitted that he didn't recognize Kyle Pitts. So I put it on game film. I was like, who's this guy number eight? I don't know the highest-picked tight end in the history of the game. I don't know.

Adam Archul may be fucking know who that is. It was like such a weird drag. That's what I was going to say next is Kyle Pitts. Great game. Great game. Player of the game. Yeah. And Matt Ryan did pretty well.

Did very well. That's all I have for that. Next up. Next up. Jacked up. Okay. Packers Bengals. We interrupted there. So you get I have for that. Next up. Next up. Jacked up. Okay, Packers-Bengals. We'll give her a couple. We interrupted there, so you get a little more time.

Get going. Okay, okay, okay. How much more time do I have left? You got plenty. Packers-Bengals, crazy game. Crazy. Five missed field goals in the span of eight minutes. Embarrassing.

Super embarrassing. I think that I could do that. And then... But who ended up winning? Oh, also I have. You can't give Rod Rogers time on the clock Learned that Packers ended up winning

Chiefs versus the Bills Bills won Bills Mafia No one circles the what Like the Buffalo Bills If you don't know this you're never going to know So nobody circles the what like the Buffalo Bills? Nobody circles... If you don't know this, you're never going to know. No, but that'll be bad.

Yeah. So nobody circles the... The quarterback. Yeah. Is that it? No, no, no. Okay. The wagons.

That's a tough one. Why would I know that? I said if you don't know this, you're never going to know. Okay. But Josh Allen is a really good player. Yeah. That's all that I have for that. Yes.

Dave Portnoy bet $150,000 on the Bills. I think it was just $100,000. I think he won $150,000. I think he won $150,000, yeah. Yeah, walk away with $250,000. That's putting your money where your mouth is. As he should. Is that?

Wait. Sure. That's a good thing? Yeah. Yeah, very good thing. Winning $150,000 is a good thing, yeah. Okay, Vikings-Lions, 22-22, tied up. Lions, like, wait, no.

No. That's Texans. No, I'm thinking Texans-Patriots. Okay, 22-22, tied up. There was an opportunity for the Texans to beat the Patriots, and then it didn't happen. It didn't happen. Patriots won.

Patriots did win. Oh, Chargers-Browns. Chargers-Browns, there you go. Okay, very high-Browns. Chargers-Browns. There you go. Okay. Very high-scoring game. But then there was a chance at the end for the Browns and the Baker. I threw it to somebody, and they missed it. Yeah. That's jacked up.

Jacked up. That's jacked up. That's week four. Jacked up. Week five. Week five. Week five. Jacked up. Jacked up. That's jacked up. That's week four. Jacked up. Week five. Week five. Week five. Jacked up.

Episode three. What did you say? Well. Week three of jacked up, right? Week three of jacked up. Ah, okay. I see. I see.

I see. All right. Let's get into voicemails now. They're brought to you by Helix Sleep. If you need to get yourself a good night's rest, like Jackie was up all night long doing jacked up and she just needed to lay down and rest her head and go to sleep. She's got herself a Helix mattress. First thing we did for Jackie when she moved to New York, we're like, we've got to make sure you get your sleep.

We're going to get you a Helix mattress. So we sent Jackie on the computer. She went to the website. She takes a Helix quiz, which you just answer a few questions. It determines whether you're a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper, whether you sleep on your side, your stomach, or your back, whether you wake up a lot, whether you need a firm mattress or a small mattress, whether you need a cool mattress or a hot mattress. Everything that defines you as a sleeper, they can figure out through this little quiz, and then they match you with what mattress. Match your mattress.

Match your mattress. That one's free, Helix. The next one you got to pay for. And you'll never get a better night's sleep, which is the most important thing in this world. I don't think I realized that until I had kids and didn't have sleep. I was like, oh, wait a minute. If you don't get sleep, you die as a human being. You literally will crumble and almost die.

And so Jackie went from sleeping on the floor with a bunch of weird immigrants that she didn't know and she lived with randomly to now sleeping with her friends in a wonderful Helix mattress where she gets tons of sleep. And it's all because they know exactly whether she needs it soft, medium, or hard. And right now you can get $200 off all mattress purchases and two free pillows when you go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. H-E-L-I-X sleep.com slash KFC.

$200 off any mattress plus two free pillows. It's all you need to get to sleep in this world is HelixSleep.com slash KFC. Voicemails, let's go. Hey, guys. So I have a question for you. I am marrying a man, and I recently broke my dominant hand, and I used to septic with both hands. Big luck, luck, shout out. Don't listen to that podcast anymore at all, by the way.

But I was wondering, do you guys prefer mouth only or mouth with hands? Because he seems to like mouth only more so than mouth with hands. So, yeah. I think for the spectacle, no hands is the move. But for the feeling, hands work better. Oh, I like fucking handcuff your hands, my dick. Yeah. First of all, it's been a long time since we just had a...

Straight up sex question. How you like your dick sucked. Yeah. Yeah. That's an OG right there. This is just Hey John and Kevin on the off chance, she's married I believe

on the off chance I ever run into your cock how would you like it sucked? Well no this poor girl's got a broken wing right now and she feels like she can't do the job the right way. I personal preference Kevin I like a hand do. You gotta personal preference, Kevin, I like a hand. You gotta do

that thing where you go like that. Whatever that's called. The Jenna Hayes pepper shaker. Pepper cracker. Pepper cracker. Give me that thing. Two hands. If you do the two hands right, or, I mean, two hands is, you know, depends on how much dick your hands can fill.

You gotta have enough fucking grass on the field there. You've got to have a long enough runway to get two hands on the piece. So it might be two, it might be one, but if it's done right, it basically just becomes an extension of the mouth. Oh, because there's enough business. If you just give a fucking sloppy blowjob. I'll tell you what, I'm not sure how to act right now. I haven't had just a sex question, I think, since women were in the room

while we started doing this podcast. You know what? I wasn't thinking about her until this moment. Now it's awkward. I have completely shifted my chair. I know. Now you're just looking right at me. And I'm looking right at you, but she's in my peripheral.

In my head, it's better to stare you directly in the eye while I talk about how I like a blowjob. I was going to say, I'd rather talk to you about dick sucking than look at her. And I'm just here to tell you that if it's sloppy enough, the hand becomes... Only one person can sue us, Kevin. I know what I've signed up for. Anyway, Kevin, how do you like a fucking mouth on your cock?

I feel like no hands, by the way. You're going to be there a long time. You're always going to be there a long time you're always gonna be there a long time I mean the longest you know like the best head is still gonna take a long time with just your mouth

yeah that's all I'll be like I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to dip my ink in the well yeah yeah before that can I

can I shift gears for a second because I just touched myself my like skin my skin not my penis god damn god damn it's under my bitch before that. Can I shift gears for a second? Sure. Because I just touched myself. My skin. My skin, not my penis. God damn it. God damn it. Son of a bitch. This is also weird too.

You touched your skin? What does that mean? I was about to say I think I have the flu. Because I just touched my skin and my hand was so cold it like jolted me and I'm very achy

at the moment. You give me the flu I'm going to fucking kill you. I don't. I just. See, motherfuckers forgot about the flu. Like Dre. Yeah give me the flu, I'm going to fucking kill you. I don't, I just, I, See, motherfuckers forgot about the flu. Like Dre.

Yeah. What the fuck exactly? They forgot about the flu. Well, you said that. I was like, what the fuck has I got about the flu? They fucking forgot about the flu.

It's all this Rona talk. It's like, you can still just get the regular old flu that fucking sucks. Yeah, it sucks. I don't feel good. Anyway,

suck dick with your hands. Yeah. You got a broken hand? Don't use that one. Use the other one. Yeah. Or, I understand though, get a glove and dip that one. Use the other one. I understand, though.

Get a glove and dip that glove in the lube. Yeah. Honestly, the hand job is a woefully underrated art. Underappreciated. But I can understand if you're used to doing this thing with your right hand, and then all of a sudden you've got to do it with your left. I can't even brush my teeth with my left hand, let alone suck it with my right hand. Oh, I never understood the people who were like, oh, I jerked off with the other hand.

It's called The Stranger. Shut up. First of all, you didn't invent that. And for some reason, everyone who tells that joke acts like they suck it. Oh, I never understood the people who were like, oh, I jerked off with the other hand. It's called The Stranger. Like, shut up. First of all, you didn't invent that. And for some reason, everyone who tells that joke acts like they invented it. No, you didn't. And then second of all,

I don't care for it. That just feels like, you know what that feels like? You're jerking off with your shoulder. Yeah. Your whole arm's working. It's like, that's not right. Next up.

I jerk off with my arm working on a sore chest in the morning. My pecs are... Yeah. Look at that. Hey, KFC Fights. Nick,cs are sore. Look at that. Hey, KFC fights. Nick, Jackie, the gang's going on.

I'm sitting in standstill traffic on the way back to Manhattan like I do every day. That's a funny phrase right there. I look out my window into the car next to me and I see this guy pouring milk into a bowl out of a half gallon of milk and proceeding to eat what I assume is cereal. And it's fucking loony to me just to have a half gallon of milk. This guy must have planned out to eat cereal on the way home from work while driving. I love this guy. But I guess the question is, what's the weirdest thing you've seen somebody doing in their

car? Or if it's better, what's the weirdest thing you've done in your car that somebody else may have seen you do? Alright, so first of all, the thing I said is a funny phrase, sitting in standstill traffic. Sitting in standstill? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're sitting in standstill traffic, you're sitting in sitstill traffic, you're sitting in standstill.

And what's the deal with airlines? You drive on a parkway and you park on a driveway. Second of all, cereal is... I'd like to add this to my oldest moments, where I'm more happy to discuss this than how I like my dick sucked. Bowl of cereal at a computer.

We're talking about fucking lactose? Yeah, I mean... I would love to meet this guy. A bowl of cereal in the car Is awesome You ever done it? No

Never driving Done it Done it passenger Interesting Done it passenger As a 17 year old On the way to court For being arrested

I walked out My lawyer My uncle Picked me up And I walked out of my house With a bowl of cereal With a bowl of cereal What an asshole you are

Captain Crunch My mom came out Oh that was when your parents Looked at you in your outfit Right And they were like Oh fuck Yeah

He's gonna go to jail Yeah And I came out With a bowl of cereal And I got And my uncle Slash lawyer looked at me And goes

What the fuck is wrong with you Yeah My mom was waving goodbye to me And I was like She just sets you up for failure All the time I was like Just drive the car asshole

Now So you're an asshole But I'm wondering Was this like I had gone to the store, bought milk and cereal, now I'm stuck in sit-still traffic, and I'm just going to bust that open? Or was that like a planned thing? I think that that's – I meant to say bust that out. I'm going to bust that open.

Why is that bust that open? I'm way too casual. I'm going to bust that open. Why is that bust that open? I'm way too casual. I'm going to bust that open. That was a phrase that I use in other places that came out. You said that like a person who says that. And guess who doesn't say that? Because I'm not going to bust that open.

That was bad. Yikes. Oh God, I'm going to bust that open. I'm not. I don't have the tools you need. You're going to bust that open. I'm not. I don't have the tools you need. You're going to bust it open, Dick? I might seal it up. I'm not going to bust it open, though.

Bites his fucking belly. Billy Mays here with Flex Seal. I'm going to seal that pussy up. So my thing is the milk. If you have a half gallon of milk. See, here's what I've been doing recently I pour myself a bowl of cereal When I say a bowl

I mean a Tupperware Full of cereal Yeah And then I take the box with me But because I don't want to take the milk with me I pour the milk into one of those coffee thermoses Those like stainless steel Yeah

So that it stays cold And I bring that with me to the couch. So then I can have a second bowl. It's pretty awesome. Kevin, it's pretty awesome. How, I have so many, how slow are you eating this fucking milk, this

cereal? I like my milk iced. That, if you did. I don't like to leave my milk out at all. My milk is either in the fridge or being poured. That's it. I'm not leaving it out. You're consuming this bowl of sugar so slowly that if you brought a container, it would get warm in the time that it took you before you. Warmer. Warmer.

I mean, milk to me is like fucking farm to table. Like, that's just, I sit down with a bowl of cereal. I like my cereal to be as cold as possible. I don't want any even slightly warmed up milk. Okay, and then, so I guess here's question two. I've been in your apartment. I know how far it is from couch to fridge. That's like 15 feet.

I don't want to walk. Just get those calories. No, if I know, that's like purposely leaving the kitchen knowing that you need something from the kitchen. I know I'm going to have a second bowl. But now you have an extra fucking thing to clean. See, while you're about not taking steps, I'm about not cleaning shit. Yeah, I'm... While you're about not taking steps, I'm about not cleaning shit.

Yeah, I feel you. So I'd rather... I'll just... I'll get up again and I'll avoid having to clean this... Well, I think that's stupid. ...this milk vessel.

I want to have my... This is what I call titties now. I want to have my milk can. I want to have my can of milk. Maybe they should start making milk in like six packs. or like 12 packs. Like smaller, just like. Life is cyclical, baby.

You're just describing a milkman. Yeah. You're describing what the milkman carries the milk in. Yeah, like I wonder how many ounces of milk I need per like bowl. It's something you never really measure. I know exactly how like long my pour is. It's like a solid like one, two and a half count kind of. Like, done.

Really? I just know when my milk gets to the level I like. I see it come around. Yeah, same sort of shit. But by the way, I have perfected the art of eating cereal. Having the exact right amount of bites with milk left. You can give me any bowl of any size with any cereal, with any milk, and I will eat it perfectly to the end.

You'll never catch me. You'll never catch me with too much cereal at the end or I'm running out of milk. I will nail any bowl ever. That's pretty good. It's my only talent in this world. I will always finish with a final sip because I drank the last one.

Down the hatch like a fucking pelican. Just open the gullet and all the corn pops and all the milk go in one shot. And then I pour it out with my milk can. I start again. Anyway, what's the question? The question is what do we think about this guy? Clearly we love him. Yeah.

Clearly he's a hero of mine. Clearly from now on he doesn't know this, but I call him dad. This man is a serial hero. And I'm going to have to. You know what I'm doing tomorrow when I drive to work, don't you? Like, I just have to now. Yeah. Also, we do have to give a obligatory Sonny reference.

Obligatory. Obligatory. I'm going to start saying obligatory. Don't make fun of people who mispronounce words because it means they learned them reading. Wait, what? He said you don't make fun of people who mispronounce words because it means they learned them reading. My mom taught me that.

Oh, your mom's an idiot. I've got to give an obligatory shout-out to the documentary I've been watching. But the Sunny reference. What? One of my favorite Sunny episodes. When he's eating cereal. Yeah.

It is literally – if you somehow listen to the show and haven't watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, congratulations. You've avoided all of our references. You feel like these guys are probably assholes all the time. Why would you even like this show? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. It's just so boring if it's always sunny in Philadelphia. However, if you never have, go watch The Cereal Defense. It's amazing. It's spectacular so boring if it's always sunny in Philadelphia. However, if you never have, go watch the serial defense. It's amazing.

It is a half hour of perfect time. And, yeah, I mean, eating cereal in your car, it's a crazy person move, but it's an elite move. It's like a next level. And it is easy to do. Driving is difficult. Driving is difficult, but even, like, as someone in a car, you still have to have your sway.

You've got to know about it. Equilibrium, yeah. Next. Last one. Hey, what's up, Casey? I have a question for you. What is one comfort item that if you could, you would

get the chance to show someone from the 1800s? Like maybe a lazy boy. You show someone from 1850 in a lazy boy and just watch their mind explode. Or a nice pair of sweatpants. You know, something they didn't have back then. All right, Viva. This is so easy for me.

You go first because it's too easy for me. Well, I mean, it's got to just be like the television if you're being honest. Oh. The television is like – that's not – I guess it's comfort. Yeah, it is comfort. Okay. The first thing that popped into my mind, I would show a lady from the 1800s the most powerful vibrator on the market. And she would think it was witchcraft.

She would know what to think. You got the rabbit with the fucking three prongs touching every hole. I don't think it would do anything to them. I think that their fucking clits are so hidden behind a fucking wall of wool. Edges. They'd be like, I don't even feel anything. Well, that's what I would do then. I would show them their clits then.

You want to talk about comfort? I would introduce 1,800 women to their own clits. That is a good answer. If you just get through there, I'm telling you, you're never going to do anything again. You get a fistful of that and the sheep shears. Look what's under here. It's a magical treasure.

Push that button, girl. You are not going to go out and work the farms ever again. You're not going to be doing anything. Oh, you're going to be gathering orgasms and that's it. What would you show? I was going to be gathering orgasms, and that's it. What would you show? I was going to say an anxiety blanket, which is just funny. I thought about my weighted blanket, too.

I swear to God, I did. I honestly thought you were going to say anxiety blanket. Because I'm like, look, sometimes in our air-conditioned offices, we have tough days. I can't sleep at night. Sometimes in our air-conditioned offices, we have tough days. I can't sleep at night. And when we come home, we need to meet Donald and come home. And she's going to be like, I spend every day trying not to get beaten by my husband. I try not to get beaten by my husband, raped by the other men.

I try to secretly learn how to read. And if I do so, they might set me on fire. But I'm sorry that you had a long walk home that day because the subway took too long. And you needed to be cuddled by an inanimate object. Give me that fucking thing so I can light it up. It is. It is. It is. It wouldn't be a source of comfort for them. It would be a source of rage.

Rage, absolutely. There's, like, these fucking people in the future. Sometimes people they can't see are so mean to them that they need to be hugged by blankets. I bet just a straight-up bed would be like a modern bed. You lay on like a bag of sticks and leaves probably. Here's like a springy Tempur-Pedic mattress. Yeah, I took a quiz so this fits me perfectly. A Helix mattress I'd bring with me.

Or a pillow. Or the television. Or like a microwave. like something that cooks quickly. Rather than sitting there over an open fire. Yeah. I had to cook – I had to just twist a rabbit for hours and then pop it into a stew. Oh, yeah. By the way, in between those two things, the king raped me.

You know what else that would be, maybe? Just like modern alcohol, I bet, is a lot better. Oh, yeah, none of that. You know? Yeah, it's like here's a nice full-bodied red. Yeah. Sorry, I just stepped on grapes for weeks and years on end. I'd fucking...

I'd step on grapes, put them in a glass, and then I'd hold that glass to the sun for as long as I could until it fermented. Until it fucked me up. Yeah. Hey, when did, like, people start smoking weed? That would be a fun one. Like, I know, like, the Native Americans were getting high, but when did, like, white man get high in America? When did we culturally appropriate a fucking bug? Well, that's why there was

the opium wars, right? Because all of Europe got hooked on fucking opium. No, I didn't know that. I know I've heard the phrase opium wars, but I have no idea. Yeah, I think it was like the Far East had all the opium and they're like, well, we need to fight them for it because we're addicted. When did people start smoking weed, Mike? 2,500 years ago, the third

millennium of the BCE. That's why God came down. I'll see what happened here. Alright, interview time with Kim Coates. You know him from Sons of Anarchy. He's got a new show out on Snapchat, actually. Some new modern TV type shit.

If you want to get down with the newest, the best and newest way to consume your TV entertainment, you you got to get Sling TV. Not only because it has all of the major sports streaming live, which is always the one problem with cutting the cord is that you can't watch your teams live. And it's always like an issue to get a stream up. Not with Sling TV. Not only because of that, but also because they've got the Barstool Sports Sling TV channel. We've got our own channel now, 24-hour programming, where you can watch KSC Radio podcasts for free up there on your television.

So I know a lot of people are like, oh, I don't watch podcasts. And I get why. If you are still a commuter or a workout listener. I get it. But in this new world. On a night where there's nothing on TV. Or nothing else you want to stream. Give it a try where you pop it on at night. Some prime time programming. When you're eating dinner.

Or you're just hanging out. And watch the podcast live. And it's a couple hours of entertaining visual content. That I promise you will be different than listening. And you will at least understand why it's better to listen to the podcast. Or watch the podcast. Maybe you can't always do that, or you don't want to do that. I get it.

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when you go to sling.com slash barstool. One more time, that's sling.com slash barstool. Sign up, and you can watch shows with great actors like Kim Coates. Yeah, there we go. What's up, dude? What's crackin'? Hang on one sec. I got pants on. Give me a minute. Oh, jeans,

too. What the fuck? Take it all off. Yeah, really. Oh, my God. You fucking knuckleheads. are you unbelievable how are you how well i'm i'm very handsome for filming all fucking night yeah um what time where are you right now i'm in washington dc okay i'm in the United States of America's capital. I saw more mustaches.

Give me your names again, you guys. I'm Kevin. John. Yeah. John? Yes. Yeah, Kevin and John. Hey, boys, I saw we were in 1972. White House plumbers. All about Nixon.

Woody Harrelson. Justin Theroux. Me. All the Cubans.ans it's true story i play frank sturgis anyway sideburns for days yeah and and we're wrapping it up boys and it's really uh nice to talk to both of you unbelievable man it's our absolute pleasure kevin i promise you that hard working dude huh got a lot got a lot of uh pots going right now huh you know you know guys like look at you you're still you know sitting beside one another which is a fucking miracle you know i mean i'm not gonna get political but vaccinations please like let's stop this fucking thing like stop and and so it's been a rough year right i mean and this whole COVID thing ended.

Well, it didn't end, but it ended the film business for sure, industry and the theater, you know, you know. And so slowly it's coming back. And everyone's getting vaccinated in my line of work, happily. Everyone's staying safe and smart in my line of work, happily. And so to be so busy that I've been in both countries now, canada and america because i'm both i'm kenyan and american you got that dual citizens you got that hook up that's the best of the best of both worlds you can be american when you need to be johnny kevin you know i'm out of here i'm going north i'm out i'm up there that's sometimes before we get a

guest i'm like i get nervous especially if someone especially if someone like you whose work I very much enjoyed and I'm like, ah, fuck, I don't know if they're going to be normal and then I didn't know you were Canadian did a little wiki search, saw you from Saskatoon or University of Saskatoon and I was like, oh, Canadians are normal as shit this will be fucking fun I'll play some hockey for you guys right now

Let's go, Kim! We have pond hockey tournaments, you're invited from now on, promise Would you want to play in our tournaments? I'll play some hockey for you guys right now. Let's go, Kim. Let's go. We have pond hockey tournaments. You're invited from now on, promise. Would you want to play in our tournaments? That's great. Listen, listen, listen. First of all, yes.

Come on, lace them up. I might turn you up real quick. Lace them up. I'm a very, very, Kev, I'm a very busy man. Jerry Brockheimer, after I finished Blackhawk down in Pearl Harbor back to back, Brockheimer goes, okay, start coming out. Let's play some hockey. And I went, Jerry, I'm being honest with you.

I take my equipment everywhere I go, and I know I'm going to be able to play. I didn't want to let him down because I traveled so much. This is back in the client and water world, and I was traveling all. So, you know, I never really played with Jerry, but it was nice to get the invite never mind you if you travel with your equipment everywhere you might tune me up i've had my sit in my bedroom for a year who just i mean it's not like you travel with uh you know like a bat or something you travel your hockey equipment that's a lot of shit man everywhere

you go you just got that 500 pound don't take it everywhere i go. But when I know I might be able to get a game in in Toronto or D.C., yeah, I'll bring it along. Now, I figure a lot of Hollywood actors and people in Hollywood don't really play much, so Bruckheimer surprised me. Are there any other people you've played with who you'd be like, yeah, this guy can – like Taylor Kitsch is the only other Canadian I know who plays hockey. Taylor Kitsch can flat out – yeah, he can flat out play.

There's a few of the boys from Canada that can play. Mike Myers loves to play. I mean, Jay Barisal, obviously we did Goon 1 and Goon 2 together. Me and Jay. Jay's a big player. It surprises me every time that I run into a Canadian that we talk hockey and then I go, you still got your CCM super tax?

You still got your tax? Still repping a Sherwood PMP out there? That's how I know I'm going to tune you up! That's how I know I'm going to tune you up. That's how I'm going to tune you up, Kim. You ever hit the ice with Bieber? He tries to pretend he knows how to play hockey. No. He's a huge Leaf fan, as we know.

And I have not met the Biebs yet. I've met his father. I did a beautiful voiceover for an incredible movie called The Watchmen a few years ago, and Justin's dad produced it. So he's a fan. I'm a fan. I mean, I'm a fan of Justin.

I'd love to meet the kid, but no, I've never met him. Who are you a fan of? Who's your team? The Detroit Red Wings. Oh! How'd that come about? I was born 10 minutes from when my mom and dad raised me and my two little brothers Dale and Dean and I was a huge Leaf fan in grade one I'm six and

you know all of a sudden I'm at school my boys go well you know Gordie Howe was born here and I went what I go home I said dad is that true that true? He goes, get in the car. We get in the car. We drive like literally 10 minutes from our house to Floral, Saskatchewan. And there was Gordy's mom and dad's old clapboard house. And I've been a wing fan ever since. But honestly, boys, I got to tell you, I'm a hockey fan. Like, I'm just a fucking hockey fan. I know all these guys on so many different teams.

Cogliano, Bix when he played with Chicago. I mean, Tane. I know all these guys on so many different teams. Cogliano, Bix when he played with Chicago. I mean, Tane. I know all these guys. I know some of the Leafs now. And so when I get to travel and Sons of Anarchy shot that whole, you know, before Sons Boys, right, I was like, oh, you're that guy from Waterworld. Oh, you're the guy from Open Way.

And then you do Sons and you're going, you're Kim Coates. I had no idea of the power of television, let alone a show that was so fucking good like that show. So I'm pretty lucky to meet a lot of boys along the way in professional sports and find out that they're fans and I'm a fan of theirs. We've got to get you hooked up with the Chicklets guys. We've got a podcast over here called Spittin' Chicklets. We've got to get you hooked up with the Chicklets guys. Yeah. We've got a podcast over here called Spitting Chicklets. We've got Paul Bissonette and Ryan Whitney,

and they just dominate the NHL podcast world. Oh, wow. Yeah, we love that. They'd love to chop it up with anybody. Any celebs who like hockey are down with those guys. Because you guys are unicorns. It's few and far. It's a small sport.

We're trying to get it growing, Kim. But as far as star power goes in hockey. Let me ask you something. You know that term when people say, oh, that ship has sailed? That ship has sailed. And I go, well, you're 42 and you're a sports guy, but have you ever been to a hockey game? Oh, that ship has sailed.

That's right. No. Get on the fucking ship. So come back. Check it out.. That's right. No. Get on the fucking ship. So come back. Check it out. The world's getting better again. The whole COVID thing is getting better now. Touch wood.

Come to a game, and I'll show you a time. It is. No matter how big a person is of any sport, how big a fan of any sport, if you take them to a hockey game, they'll almost always, even the diehard football fans, the best in-game experience is hockey. It's always become cliche. Everyone says, I'm not a big hockey fan, but I love it live. There's no better sport live and all that.

And you can get a ticket for $20. Even sitting up in the upper deck, I almost prefer it sitting in the upper deck because you get to see the whole ice. You get a better view up there. You get a ticket for $15, $20, no problem. No, you're absolutely right. Where are you guys? We're in New York. Right across from MSG, actually., no problem. No, you're absolutely right. Where are you guys? Where are you?

We're in New York. Right across from MSG, actually. Speaking of ISIS. I love the city. I was just there. Yeah, you like New York? Yeah, I love the city. If you don't love New York, I don't know where your pulse is.

I don't know what's going on with you. Well, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what's going on with me. I'll tell you where my pulse is. It's like, you know, in my asshole because I've been fucking living in this godforsaken city for so long that I just – I got to get – I always say I got to get the hell out of here, but I know I'm not going anywhere. My friends are here. My family is here. My whole life is here. I'm staying here, but I'm also like get me out of here.

So you can come and go. You get small doses. I do, and we just filmed White House plumbers. This one I just wrapped on last night. We filmed it in the Hudson Valley, Poughkeepsie, Beacon, right in that whole area, an hour and 20 minutes north of you guys. And the Hudson Valley, no wonder some of my boys have, Bashami and some of these guys have moved to the Hudson Valley. It's just beautiful there. Pieces of property. And you're out of the city, but you're close to the city. You know, if you're lucky enough to be able to have that kind of a situation, that's what a lot of the guys are doing. Yeah, that's the best. You get the best of both worlds. You kind of described, you know,

I feel like you got the best of both worlds in movies and TV because you were lucky enough to do some of the big projects. You mentioned Waterworld and The Client. But then getting on to you. I feel like you got into tv right before and then as sons was so long during the transition of television becoming important and respected and you know i feel like it used to be like oh i do movies i don't do the small screen and then shows like yours and the sopranos and breaking bad and a lot of those like epics uh

made it like oh television is just as important. And now today I almost feel like it's more important roles. But I feel like Sons was one of the first shows to really begin that revolution. For me, that's a really great point. For me, it really was The Sopranos. I'll never forget moving to L.A. full-time with my family. Getting my green card. Now I'm a citizen happily and Canadians

is beautiful. And we moved to LA in 95, 96 and the Sopranos started just then. And that music and David Chase and Gail DeFini, poor guy gone now, but what a talent that show changed it for everybody. So that shows like mid to late 90s. And

then all of a sudden in that 2005, six, 7, there was our show, Sons of Anarchy. There was Breaking Bad. There was The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Mad Men. These cool, hip fucking cable shows where all the actors were going, wait, that writing is good. Yeah. And I was that guy. I was that movie guy. I was that guy who did all these movies and guest stars.

I guest starred on like CSI Miami and a million fucking shows. Had so much fun. But I didn't want to be a regular on a TV show. I wanted to keep that movie thing. No. No, actually, when Kurt Sutter said, would you please come and join the casting? He said, yes. That was the greatest thing that you could have done.

Because the security you get from being on a TV show, the, I don't know, seven years. Who knew that show was going to go on that long? So you're right. There's no more line. Everybody's doing the best work they can with the best people and much of it's in TV now. Especially, I mean, like Disney is doing Marvel stuff where they're like unveiling characters on television shows instead of movies. It's not even – it's in a lot of ways bigger at the moment. I would say it's absolutely – I think probably the last 10 years

it's been a bigger thing. Well, you guys know. You guys know this. I don't want to be a hypocrite because I'm on them too, these big movies, these big Marvel movies and DC movies. They're massive movies and great. But where's the Serpicos? Like, where's the Godfathers?

Where's those incredible drama comedies? Now, comedies are big, too, but in the cinema now, because they're so, they say for these kids, these teenagers into early 20s, we've got to get, but this artistic film that is not a dying breed. We're still making them, but you can't get them in theaters. You just can't get them in theaters. So they go right to streaming.

People catch them on streaming. They go to film festivals. Thank goodness for film festivals. Love those places. But I'm just a firm believer in you do your best work with the best writing, with the best people, and see who sees it. And if they do, good for us. I mean, that's what sons was.

I feel like too, for, you know, the shield came right before it as well. I remember watching that. And then once sons, sons was like, you know,

for guys, it was, you know, it's, it's, it's everything. You know, how old was I then?

I was like, uh, early 12, early two thousands. It was, it was mid two thousands mid-2000s. Mid-2000s. Yeah, for Sons.

2007 to 2014. Yeah, so I'm like graduating college and starting my life. And like Sons was – it's like a staple for me. It ran so long. And I mean everybody like – everybody's like, who are you? Oh, you're like Jax or you're like Tig or you're like Clay You know it's one of those shows And that's not a good a lot of the times

There's no good answer you know Like what do you mean I'm like that You know so but Tig is one of the most memorable Characters you know ever I was so into Sonny that I was So I watched it live probably I probably got on like season 2 or 3 And then I moved in with a friend probably in 2012 or 13.

This is unbelievable, Ken. This is ridiculous. And you guys had hit Netflix. And he'd never seen the show. I was like, we got to watch Sons. You've never seen Sons? You're crazy. So we start Sons.

But he had a real job. I had this bullshit job. So he would have to be in the office every morning at 8 a.m. So he'd go to bed at like 10, 11 o'clock. And the Sons episode would end. And I'd be like 10 11 o'clock and i you know the son's episode would end i'm hooked i gotta watch the next one so i'd watch like three or four more episodes while he was asleep and then the next night i'd re-watch those because i didn't have the heart to tell him i'd already seen him and then he'd go to bed and i'd watch the next three or four i mean he

watched the double triple the series for a year straight It's like insane. We've all heard about people like you, and now I finally am talking to one. You watched 4-0 one night, and your buddy didn't watch it with your buddy. I haven't seen those yet. Let's watch them again. 100%. Dude, I've done that with significant others. I just lie. I have no problem watching it again because I enjoyed it so much.

But if I tell you I saw it, you won't want to watch it. So I just lie to you. I haven't seen it. You know I tell you I saw it, you won't want to watch it. You feel bad. You don't want to do it again. So I just lie to you. I'm like, yeah, no, I haven't seen it. You know the reason why I think that's – And sorry to interrupt, but of course Theo Rossi, who plays Juice, called me up a year ago and said, come on, let's do a podcast. Sons, let's review the shows. I went, no, you're crazy.

We don't have time. Well, we're over a year into it. It's called Theory, Theo RePod. It's on Patreon. It's on YouTube. It's every i'm patreon it's on youtube it's every every apple itune where it's killing it like you guys we're just fucking killing it and we're talking about the show boys and here we are you know he's over there i'm right here we don't know much about we were in every fucking episode but we we didn't watch them all we watched a third of them sure so

here we are doing our podcast, reviewing the show. I know the Sopranos are doing it. A bunch of big shows like that are doing it where the actors are coming back. And we're knuckleheads because we forget stuff. So we've got to watch the show and write down the notes and write down what we observed and stuff. And it's so much fun. That show, man, it got so violent. Oh, it was so crazy.

That's what I was going to say. The reason why it's rewatchable, it does have great writing and in-depth character arcs, but then it's got the sex, drugs, and rock and roll. We can't say things now the way we said things then. No, you cannot. So to go back into a chunk of history and hear— Happy. We can't say that today. Yeah, no. No, you cannot. So to go back into a chunk of history and hear. We can't say that today. Yeah, no.

Back then you could. Absolutely. And that's where these guys talk back then. But I've got to tell you, we love each other. We see each other all the time. And that was Suns, man. I'll never forget it. People go to me. Oh, are you sorry that it's over?

And I go, no. Look at my hair. I've had no sleep. Anyway, they go, you know, do you miss it? And I go, no, but I'll never forget it. I'll never forget that set of years. We were exhausted by the end. We were exhausted.

It's such a great testament, though, because you have to be a great show. You mentioned Sopranos. There's The Office. I think Veep is doing it you have to be a upper upper upper echelon show to be able to run a podcast about the show yeah and so that's such a great testament to the work you guys did to the work center did to the fan base like to have that to have fans still years later clamoring for any little bit of content they can get from that show is impressive as hell are you are you doing it just one by one?

The show? Yeah. Like your one episode by – No, we started – first three seasons, we bounced all over, all over. We just had the fans right in. As the show started to explode, oh, do season two, episode 12, with you and the dog. Or do season three when you kill Stahl.

And oh, my God. But then Theo and I realized that these incredible fans that we, and I'm sure you guys have the same, these fans that come along for this ride, they kind of want to go in order. Yeah. They kind of want to. And so starting on season four, which is like the 40th episode,

Theo and I are doing them strictly in order. Season four, show one, show two, show three. So we're right now season five, episode 11. And oh my God, what a, anyway, it's crazy. Have you, I don't remember what season or episode it was, but have you done the episode with Damon Pope yet with your daughter and you- Yeah, look at you, bro.

You're all over it. This is season five. Yeah. We did the one where my daughter, I mean, that to me is, I've talked about that many times on, on,

on podcasts or when people say you've got to pick one scene from a movie that you got that stuck with me in a bad way though. Like, holy shit. But I thought your performance in that, I, and you know, for,

for Kirk to like write that story, like this is how she's going to die to, to do it on camera. holy shit but i thought your performance in that and you can't i you can't and you know for for kirk to like write that story like this is how she's gonna die to to do it on camera there was no cutaways and then the way you acted uh in that scene is fucking is that is that crazy to watch back or are you just thinking about it as an actor or is that tough to see um it's always rough to watch but i just remember when kurt sutter told me how season five was going to open and what we were going to do and how it was going to go down i really didn't believe him at first but i i couldn't waste any time so when i got the script i had about three weeks before we were filming it so i went right across the street where i live in la i got a therapist

buddy and and he gets paid in beautiful bottles of red wine. And I sit down with him. And I go over shit with the human condition once in a while. And he looked at this whole five-page, eight-page dealio. And he just like, he sat back in his chair and went, okay, well, here we go. And that whole fight or flight, the panic, the physicality of being chained like an animal. It's your daughter and how she went in front of your eyes. So I channeled my own daughters. I'm blessed to have two daughters. My point is that my, you know, I stayed in downtown LA, a beat up motel FedEx and FedEx FedEx paid for it.

FX paid for it. And, and I just, I didn't go home. I lost my voice. It was very emotional. That show started off season five. So that whole season, and it culminates with me and Pope at the last, which we're going to talk about in a couple of weeks. Everybody thought Tig was going to go. Yep. That was his time.

Charlie sold him out. Jack sold him out. It's fucking over. I went to Detroit. I don't want to get too much this way. Cause you guys have listened by millions of people. I'm going to tell it on my own podcast. But I went to

Vegas and they showed that final show in front of all these people and we made a lot of money for charity. They flew me in and I just went up to the front in front of these hundred people, beautiful people, and I said, thanks for coming to what could be my last supper.

Thanks for coming. what could be my last supper and then they watched the show with me behind them and as that show went along they kept turning around like is he gonna fucking die anyway that's that that's what that show had and thanks for bringing that up because that was incredibly uh difficult but beautiful as an actor you you want to be stretched and I certainly was stretched on this little action royale that I know we're going to talk yeah let's let's get to it because uh we were just looking at the trailer and and it's it's uh you know very cutting edge on snapchat and and uh on it's almost like what we were just saying with uh where you got the transit you were there at the birth of the transition to tv from movies to tv do you think that we're kind of going in

that way with the phones head of the curve again? Can I talk to you every day? That is so fucking smart. Yes, I do. I'm going to tell you why. I'm a geezer. I'm a dinosaur. I've got between, you know,

three and five Harleys in my garage. Figure that out. I've got a muscle car. I don't like, I like bank tellers. I that out. I've got a muscle car. I don't, I don't like, I like bank tellers. I hate machines. I'm no, I'm a dinosaur. I'll tell you when I walked on set for action Royale and we finally, we were supposed to do it last August, but the COVID thing kept pushing it and pushing it. Finally, we got it in February, March of this year. And Jacob Motes had me on his team over at Snapchat since last year. And I couldn't wait to get going.

I walk on set and there are the monitors. You guys are smart enough to know what a monitor is. The monitors are usually like our computer screen. They're big ish. And the DPs look at them and the directors look at them. And if you're an actor and you want to see how pretty you are, you go and you watch their playback. Their monitors were this.

Yeah. I bet. Yeah. watch their playback their monitors were this yeah phone i bet yeah they were a phone that's and they were bigger than a phone and so because we knew that we were going to show it vertically on a phone and so that that cutting edge knew and you saw the trailer i'm telling you guys right now i sound just like an energizing bunny i jacob, what he did, and Igor and Maria, the directors, what they've done and how they've edited these 10 little beautiful episodes. It's so fast. It goes by like that. My character, you know, Nicky Hamilton and Hayley Hecking and Sean McGuire and me. We're the four leads.

I play this mafioso, bookie, gardening enthusiast. You do not want to come close to anyone. I've got my shears in my hands. And the shit that Nick, as Trilby gets involved in, in this show, and it happens so quick about gaming. It's gaming. You guys know this. Gaming's huge right now. Awesome, yeah. I'm not a gamer, but I've

certainly run into a lot of people who are. And Haley, who plays the lead Reggie in this with Nick, like I said, she's a gamer. Not only a brilliant actress, but she's a gamer. And to watch them and the speed that goes along with it. And Jacob wanted to make this show not about gaming,

but about the characters who are involved in gaming. We never see a video game on this show. But boy, do you see us playing them? Do you see the lights come and hitting their faces? And then, oh, wow, Sean McGuire, you know, plays Pops. He's got a gambling addiction. He's got a problem. He owes a lot of money to me and then i was gonna say not not you you had an intimidation factor to you brother that you don't want to be fucked i wouldn't even ask you for money for a coffee my mom my mom so how many people did you kill in this one?

Did you make it past the first 20 minutes in this one, Kim? God love my mom. Yeah, you don't want to fight around with me in this show. It's so brilliant. Do you have to change how you go about acting and your craft, if you will, because of the cameras and how the monitors and screens are set up no not really but i gotta tell you i was very uh conscious of how close the cameras were all the time we had some beautiful masters but damn it boys when it's for your phone

and the lenses these sony cameras with these lenses that Igor and Maria have. I look really good. Isn't that the best? I don't know what they're doing. That's movie magic. That's what that is. It's Snapchat freaking magic, bro. And it goes quick. Maybe they're using a filter.

It's not you. It's just a filter on your face. You're ugly. And it goes by quick. You know, they always say all these kids get an attention span. How long are we talking? You said it goes by quick. There's 10 episodes, and they're all about five, six, seven minutes long each.

That's it, five, six, seven minutes. That's where it's at right now. That's the world, you know. How does that happen, boys? I think, you know, in a lot of ways, you know, I'll always certainly love to sit down and watch a two-hour or like a three-hour epic. But for everyday entertainment and consumption, those little bits, those little clips, they hit, man. It's just the way – just where the world has gone.

I also think it used to be more that way. And then we kind of – we went over the top with movies and film and TV shows. We're like, I think we talk about with documentaries. Every documentary is a 10-episode series now. That's too long. Who was it? One of the kids at work, he was telling me he watched Children of the Corn the other night. It's an hour and 15 minutes.

Yeah. Get to the point. Last night I watched Jake Gyllenhaal and the Guilty on Netflix. Hour and a half. Anything that doesn't take a ton of time, I'll never say is bad. Because the longer you take of my time, the higher the criticisms go. Yeah, for sure. You wasted time.

That's very true. And the world's very fast right now. It's slowed down because of this pandemic. There's no doubt about it. We need to reflect. We need to see what we're doing to this mother nature and the earth and everything. There's things going on for a reason. But I gotta tell you, in entertainment, nothing slows down.

It is, I mean, those one game, like the Yankees and the Red Sox, we were filming nights but we have this crew here on HBO, it's massive. Everyone's got a little phone on in the background, kind of. And last night the Dodgers and St. Louis, I mean, it's one game. Strap

on your seatbelts. It's one game. I hate it, personally. I think it's not enough. But whatever it is, it is and it's one game. Strap on your seatbelts. It's one game. I hate it, personally. I think it's not enough. But whatever it is, it is, and it's one game. Did you see the clip of Scherzer afterwards? No. Scherzer just couldn't speak. He was the drunkest person I've ever seen in my life.

He couldn't speak. Couldn't speak English, and he just goes, I'm drunk, whatever. And just takes his things off. That's got to be such a tough moment for an athlete. And I'm sure you've probably run into situations like this, like on a red carpet or something like that, where you realize you might have had one or two too many. You're like, oh, fuck, I got to go do interviews now.

Son of a bitch. No, not really me, but I got to watch out for my wife. Diana was told years and years and years ago when she realized, oh, no, my husband's turning into one of those celebrity guys who's in all these big shows. And I have to go to these red carpet. Her knees are knocking and she's beautiful. And how she's still with me is a miracle. Her knees are just knocking.

But someone told her, Diana, a couple of glasses of Chardonnay in the limo before you get out. It's a really good idea. She just rocks it. She's a little bit feeling good, rocks it. That's my kind of woman right there. You got to keep her from it. We've been married 35 years, man. It's kind of a record in Hollywood.

Yeah, for real. Hollywood relationships are like dog years. 35 years is like 200 years. I won't take up too much more of your time, but I did want to ask you because we did bring up The Sopranos and some of these other shows. They just did the prequel for Many Saints of Newark. And I know that there's been Mayans and spinoffs and whatnot with Sons, but has there ever been any chatter of any sort of prequel, sequel, reunion, movie, spinoff, whatever, beyond Mayans? I know a lot of people didn't survive the show,

but the ones that did, is there talk? Yeah, there has been. And I got to tell you, like Tommy Flanagan, who played Chibs and me, Tig, we were the only two leads that survived that show. All the other eight were gone. They're gone. Sorry, spoiler alert, but too bad. That's on you at this point if you haven't seen it.

Yeah, if you haven't seen it, too bad. Anyway, we're the only two leads. So they thought, hmm, what can we? And then the Mayans came along real quick. They got on Tommy, you know, came on as a president. I've always made this known to anyone who wants to listen, that I will come back as somebody, but it's all about the writing for me.

I'm not just going to go to say hi, to sit on a chair, to smoke a cigarette and have three lines just to come back. I have no interest. But if they wanted to do a camera move in a back alley, and it's the last show of season three, it's moving down the back alley, and it comes up over a gnarly dog, and there's a kitchen, and there's a back,

and it says Sons of Anarchy on the back of a Reaper, and it's me with my fucking hair throwing a beer bottle against the wall and Tommy's yelling at me because we have to do something. And then the show ends and then you start next season with four or five shows. Just an art. Then call me. But unless it's something like that, I have no...

So listen, my intro... As you say, the picture you just painted, I'm in. Let's be clear about that. Sign up Kurt, sign up somebody, and let's make that exact scene. No, and everyone talked about that, but I think the minds was big for everybody at FX, and it should be. It's its own show. It's its own thing.

And so we wish them all the best on that. But as far as a prequel or me and Tommy coming back or DL or any of these guys, who knows? I'm a freaking working actor, boys. And this gnarly face, it's worked out. And to be on something like Action Royale, for me to do something different with all these incredible, the brand that the kids are watching, these teenagers.

And this show has adult themes in it. And Jacob was saying this the other day so beautifully that this show, oh yeah, it's for teenagers. It's for young college kids. But it's for adults too because it's got adult themes that's never been done before and it's so i'm just it's so good they just did such a great job i can't wait that's october 9th right saturday saturday yeah the 10th of october here we go and then they drop one every two days oh wow all right so right cut right to the chase every two days starting saturday action royale on

snapchat uh it's it's a thriller man it seems like it's gonna be a wild roller coaster ride so uh So cut right to the chase every two days starting Saturday, Action Royale on Snapchat. It's a thriller, man. It seems like it's going to be a wild rollercoaster ride. So good for you. Congratulations. Thanks for Sons. Everybody tune in to the – if you are a Sons fan, go along with him and Theo and do the recap on Theory.

And we appreciate the time, man. Boys, this has been so fun. Kim, it's a pleasure. Please have me on again. Come on. Let's talk once every two or three months. I'll have you on and next time you're in New York, make sure you have your hockey stuff with you. We'll see you on the ice.

All my people call you people. The people call them and then we'll call each other. Take care of it. Have a good one, brother. See you, Kim. Love you. Thanks, boy. Always return that love you man Thank you. Bye.