KFC Radio - John Henry Feitelberg Hosts the Show

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Leave a Review, and share with a friend! Thanks to everyone who subscribed to our youtube so far. Since we hit the milestone of 50k subscribers, Feits is going to host today's episode. -Feits was disrespected by the mailwoman -Do you think you could make it across the US/Mexico border? -Some Background on Osama Bin Laden's son -Kenjac used an unflattering filter on all the men in the office -Tik Tok Leggings are taking over the internet -Lola Bunny is getting desexualized -Top 5 Movies that Make You Cry - Skip Only the Brave Spoiler (01:05:30) -Voicemails Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool Subscribe to our youtube: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to our clips page: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioclipsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This is like an ADD episode, right? You want to go rap, guys? I'm trying to see what he's going to say next. I was like, Omar Binon loves to paint Americana. Hello. Let's podcast.

Shall we record a podcast? Hello. Hello. Motherfucker said hello. Hello. Hello. This is so stupid. Like your old grandma or aunt or uncle. Hello.

Hello, and welcome to KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm a host and a stupid motherfucker. That's a good opening. I'm a host and a stupid motherfucker. I'll tell you what, now that I'm a fucking host, I'm going to stop letting myself get disrespected. Because I got disrespected today. You did?

Like, no one's ever been disrespected. That's a lot coming from you. Well, it was disrespected to the point where when I walked into the office, yeah, it was a pain in the tits, isn't it? Well, it's just not where I usually have that one. And I'm, like, programmed to look this way. I'm just going to do the podcast like this.its, isn't it? Well, it's just not where I usually have that one. And I'm like programmed to look this way. I'm just going to do the podcast like this. Okay, you got disrespected.

Well, because, you know, you don't deserve respect. But continue. So I was coming into the office today, this morning. And I get into the elevator. I don't do the stairs anymore. There was a time in my life I did stairs. Stairs are a young man's game. Me too.

It's funny. It was when... It was still... did stairs stairs are young man's game me too um and it's actually like it was when it was still that's has some parks and rec i still okay um the uh um i can't do this no but now you're just in the middle of a story so it would be the same exact thing but it's just but it's not the same at all it's so different it's very different why just because you're sitting over there? Okay, so this morning, right, I was coming. I don't know. I feel like it's just as if I. But it feels like as a host, it feels like I need to be telling it differently.

Nope, not at all. Not even a little bit. All right, whatever. Fuck it. I was coming in this morning, and I always, when I take the elevator, I always, like, I can't. I can't. I quit. This podcast is just done. No, I have to do it.

I'm just, like, I might just quit. Not this podcast. The company. KFC Radio. I mean, it was part of the bet. It was 50,000 subscribers. By the way, this is all happening because we have 50,000 subscribers on YouTube. The first benchmark was that John has to host the show.

It's going great so far, I have to say. And I had to do the ad reads. I thought the ad reads were going to be hard. I was like, oh, he's going to have to try to transition in and out. But apparently he can't even tell stories anymore. Speaking of hard. Go ahead. Speaking of hard, let's hear from our friends over at roman there we go there we go there it is hello do you have problem with your penis sometime

we got a new accent every every once in a while when i go to fuck olga i i come too fast and she not happy with me but thanks to my friends at roman and the reason i use this accent is roman sound like russian and i i i click i guess i could have gone italian I was going to say, hey, oh, Roman is from Italy. Roman is a fucking Italian thing. So that makes a lot more sense than Russian. But I don't care. Roman has R. Russia has R. We're Russian. Back in old days in Russia, you had to think of bears eating your family in order to last longer during sex. But now, with a Roman swipe sent in discreet packaging, mind you.

So Olga don't know what you do. You just take a little package and you rip open and you wipe tab on your penis head. And all the old shaft, in fact. And then you last long like the Soviet Union. You hard like hammer and sickle Long like wall And if you go to GetRoman.com

Slash KFC Right now You get first month For five dollars When you sign up for monthly plan If you like me You fuck a lot You fuck all the time.

Fuck much. You need a monthly plan. Much fuck. For every fucking month, you get new fuck time. New fuck time. I like that. Roman, new fuck time. Go to getroman.com slash KFC.

Get some new fuck time. Back to your original scheduled programming. I don't know what happened in the voice the the accent is good for about like 35 seconds and then the last 25 we don't know where we go so how are you disrespecting the fucking lady first of all i always just like i was really getting the elevator i just put my look at my phone yeah so i can't see someone like coming in and being like oh hold it i'll it. I just pretend it doesn't exist. And she the door had already closed and like just about to close.

And then she got to adjust in time to open it back up. And then she kind of gave me a look in the eye. Like, I got it. You motherfucker. Yeah. And she was that is I mean, that's that's she's a member of the United States Postal Service. And Tiffany. No, not to say Tiffany would dominate your ass Postal Service. Oh, Tiffany. No, not Tiffany.

I was going to say, Tiffany would dominate your ass. Not Tiffany. No. And then we get off. I said, where are you going to? I'm going to try to be polite. And she said, same as you. And I said, okay, that's cool.

Get up the elevator. She walks off first. We're walking towards the doors. She just gets to the front of the door, the glass doors that lead into the office. And she puts the box down right in front of the door I'm about to use and turns and walks away. That was it? And, like, Zah could see Zah and Ebony in there. Zah was running around.

Zah was like, I can't believe that just happened. So I had to fucking bend down. Like, put it right where you were not able to walk through that door because of this box. I had to bend over, pick up the box, wait for Ebony to let me in, carry the box, and deliver to her. Had she gotten back in an elevator already? Was she gone? No. When I got there, when I got to the desk, I could still see her.

So you bend down and pick it up, and you're doing the door, and she's just still standing. She's just waiting for her elevator. Wow. Ebony said she would have beat the door, and she's just still standing. She's just waiting for her elevator. Wow. Ebony said she would have beat the shit out of her if she came in. Ebony said that's how she became friends with Tiffany, that Tiffany did some shit like that, and she's like, motherfucker, if you do that again, I'll cut your ass. And Tiffany was probably like, pull the razor blade out of her tongue. I'll cut you first, bitch.

And then they were like, we're best friends. Did we just become best friends? Yup. By the way, speaking of Ebony, I walked in, I walked by and Casey and Rike and Ebony were talking probably just about like fucking because they're all hoes, you know. And they were trying to convince Ebony to start fucking white guys. And she was like, I can't do it. I can't do it. And I was like, why not, Eb?

Like, why can't you fuck white guys? And she was like, I just, no, no. And I was like, what? You couldn't date me? And she was like, I would walk all, no. And I was like, what? You couldn't date me? And she was like, I would walk all over you. And I was like, yeah, that's the point. You could dominate these white boys. You know what I mean? You'll get your way.

And she was like, nah, I don't want that from you little crackers. I can see Ebony walking out, like you're on the couch watching, what's it called? Your space show? For All Mankind. For All Mankind. I was going to say Before Your space show. For All Mankind. For All Mankind. I was going to say Before All Mankind.

For All Mankind. And Ebony just walks out the front door without saying anything. I'm like, where are you going? And she goes, where the fuck do I want? And I'm like, okay, I'll turn the TV up a little bit. I'm sorry for even asking you, Ebony. Thank you. Thank you.

Please fuck someone. Thank you. Yeah, she would dominate me, man. So, and you said nothing. Of course I didn't say anything. Yeah. I mean, you're nuts. I was rocking out to the new Bieber, which is very good.

Big fire. Finally. I feel like Bieber having a new song that's good confirms my take that he's been bad because even Bieber fans are openly like, yes, this is it. Now he did it. So I'm like, yeah. So the same thing happened with Mandalorian. When everyone got super excited for the second half of the season,

it was like they were admitting that the first half, it totally changed from the first half. Bieber's been quiet. He's had like three good singles in a row. I wouldn't say, yeah, Lonely's good. No, it's not. Yes, he did. Lonely's good.

Lonely will not have talked about in like two years. I was literally just walking down the street two days ago. Lonely and the other one are completely forgettable. They're good songs. They're not as good as this one, but they're much better than that other fucking album. When people get as big as he

is, you're a victim of your own success. Music's weird because you can just go back and listen to those old hits and not... You can listen to old music much more easy than it is to go back and watch an old movie. I think that I'd rather

just always play a great Bieber song. So you can put out a song, a new song that's just like, meh, I'll just go back and listen to What Do You Mean? You know what I mean? I don't do that either, though. I just listen to whatever's on New Music mean? You know what I mean? Yeah. So I feel like he has to, he has to keep, I just listened to whatever's on new music Friday.

And it's, Oh, it's been so bad recently. That's why, that's why this week was so big. Cause it had new Drake songs, a new Beamer songs, the new Quinn 92 album,

the new Bruno Mars and Anderson pox song. Um, it's because it's been, I don't know if they do that for like the winter or something. I think, yeah, I think it's like March, March,

you start making new music again, but yeah, beams, at least you do the sad boy songs in March, like the winter or something. I think, yeah. I think it's like March. March, you start making new music again. But yeah, Biebs. At least Biebs brought the heat. You do the Sad Boy songs in the winter, but now. Yeah, but you're not going to have like the bangers. I was like, all right, let's dance a little bit again. Yeah, man. I mean, Biebs finally back.

You think you'd be able to get across the border? To Mexico? Yeah, from Mexico. From Mexico to America? We don't do segues when I'm hosting. I was recently watching a show. You're talking about illegally. Illegally.

No. Why not? Because I can't do anything. Now I have to dig a hole under a wall. That's what I'm saying. Why? Why do you have to do all that? Just walk. I don't think it's as hard when you're like a white person

well so like i think i could show up to the mexican border and be like i want to come to america and they'd be like okay american right i just i think it's a big part of the puzzle john i i agree to the equation so if you're saying if i could smuggle myself in and do the like illegal shit like i'm not crawling through miles of sewage and going through why is it miles If you're saying if I could smuggle myself in and do the illegal shit, I'm not crawling through miles of sewage and going through all that. But why is it miles? That's what I don't get. Because I think they have the near the border well patrolled.

How well can you possibly patrol the entire border? So the reason this comes up, I was watching Shameless, and Frank ends up in Mexico. I don't even understand what happens there. No, you don't. He went on such a bender somehow he ends up in Mexico. Yeah. I don't even understand what happens there. No, you don't. He went on such a bender, somehow he ends up in Tijuana. Well, he went on such a bender, he's like, they missed Christmas, and you almost missed Easter.

Yeah, yeah. He's just gone for like months. He's blacked out for like five, six months. Frank Gallagher goes hard. But then you wake up, and he's more or less just fine. Well, he's Frank Gallagher. I feel like coming out of that fog is harder than it is to just walk across the border.

How well can you patrol an entire border? It's a great question. Canada I could get into, no problem. That's light work. I do think a lot of fucking people do it. And that's why there's an issue or that's why the people want the wall or that's why it's even a debate is because i do think a lot of people probably do successfully do it yeah but like because you need like the coyotes and stuff remember when people thought that the coyotes were real coyotes remember that no remember like that was one of the stupidest collective moments in humanity it was when people

were just desperately trying to hate on trump for like everything he says and he he was talking about coyotes and during the debate and all of twitter was like is this man really does he really think that like coyotes smuggle people across the border like the actual animal and like everybody like all the conservatives on twitter were like you guys are outing yourselves as colossal fucking morons and then they were trying to like the the blue checks that did it were trying to be like no yeah like i knew that but like the point stands who the fuck doesn't know about coyotes yeah that's especially if you fancy yourself like i'm going to be commenting on the political debate yourself a person with a fucking brain you know i could see like i could see i could see plenty of people not knowing but not the type of people that are like, I'm going to comment on this political matter.

I'm going to wide tweet the debate. I bet you most people don't know that. Really? Yeah. Well, I guess, I mean, that makes sense because most people are incredibly stupid. I think if you poll, like, the younger people here and the people who are not as, like, plugged in, I bet you they wouldn't know the coyotes. But, like, I guess you're probably right. All right.

You're smarter than you think. Me? me yeah you're actually pretty well informed am i yeah probably in the stupidest of ways just like through headlines on twitter and stuff like that but more often than not you'll you'll be like you'll just drop a name and i'm like i have to pick i don't know that is who is it you're like oh it's like the senator from blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I have no fucking idea. You stay pretty plugged in for an idiot. It's because it's easy to shut my brain off and be like, just stare at this. It's actually made me believe in learning through osmosis. Because I'm not reading anything. It's just my eyes are seeing it.

It's just kind of like soaking it in somehow. It's just being absorbed. I think what you have to do. Despite my best intentions. I don't think you shut your brain off i think your brain defaults to off and every now and then you have to turn it on yeah so you kind of turn it on sucks the information up shut it back down that's what it is and then it just rattles around in there and you'll have a name and like a headline and that's it that's really all you need yeah all you need in this world is like just 10 more knowledge not even like iq but just like more knowledge than the next person and they'll think you're smart you could as soon as you give

one thing in a fight where it's like they can't rebut then it's like oh okay i lose yeah like if you could rebut a little bit you tear me apart. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I either win like 100% to zero or like – or I lose because it's like if you are going to come back at me at one point – If you could push back with a single finger, my argument would collapse upon itself like a fucking house of cards. Yeah. But also I think that most people – and this is why I think podcasting works because it's like most people don't know and are looking to be told. And as long as you say one thing that makes that person think that you are in a position to be telling me, then I just believe you. Because that's why – oh, I heard this guy say – I heard on a podcast. I know it's like, well, he's just a jamoke too. But as long as you present it with a little bit of confidence or say that you know the person's name or where they're from,

just one piece of information that I don't know, I'm like, oh, you're smarter than me. See, I think that's why I don't really listen to podcasts because I know the game. So you know you're like bullshit. Someone's like, oh, I heard on this show. And I'm like, yeah, you hear a lot of shit on my show too. I don't fucking know if it's right.

I just immediately dismiss it. That's very true in the sense of like you – it's like the Matrix almost, like when you take the pill. Once you know, you can't undo it. Even little things. This podcast is very interesting. They're just lying. Don't worry about it.

I know the fucking recipe. They were just trying to fill some air. They recorded it at like 4 p.m. They just needed like another segment. They just fucking made it up. Even little things. I went on Violet Benson's show and that aired like last Thursday. Too tired to be crazy.

If you want to go hear me chop it up with Violet. She's the girl who runs Daddy Issues on Instagram. And they do like real editing where they like clean up the ums and the ahs. I think you do that a little bit, right, Nick? I'll clean up that air. Yeah, but like the – yeah, it's like part of the conversation, you know, where I say like or um or stumble or pause, whatever. And I would imagine to the untrained ear, if you will, like people don't notice it.

But I was like, oh, yeah, this is like – so like you can hear like they just tighten it all up. And I was like, that's not how I talk. You take out the ums? Yeah, a lot of people do that. What? Yeah, a lot of like ums. To make themselves sound smarter? To just make it like tighter and cleaner.

And yeah, I guess so. Because it is like, I say um all the fucking time. I'm an idiot. Like it was, I could tell, you know, she asked me a question and I probably would be like, you know, it's, I would think if i had to guess you know and they would like kind of take all those things out there and it would just be my my answer so it feels very for that yeah and if you don't know it you probably don't hear it but i all we do i don't really listen to our work but i hear our work in real time. And I know that that's not like a natural conversation.

It sounds – it feels very – like a script. It's like a Sorkin script where it's like question, answer. No wasted words. No nothing. It's like a conversational platform. So why would you make it scripted? I agree. I mean not – like there are scripts now and all that stuff.

But like if you're a conversational show, be conversational. Yep. I think all podcasts should be that way. But I guess I think a lot of them that are trying to be more professional do that. You know what's funny? I was just reading the other day. I can't remember the writer's name. But I guess there's some screenwriter in Hollywood who is known for making real dialogue that is people are

interrupting and people are interjecting because really when you, when you think about most of the TV you're watching, it is still like you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk. And if you really want to make it natural, there's a lot of like stepping on each other or like,

I'm just waiting to get to my point or whatever, you know? And so if you can write that way, that's even weirder because it's like, i'm memorizing lines but it's okay i have to interject right now i have to cut you off right now that's harder i would find it harder to memorize that than write like that yes that's what i mean it's like it's like i know my line but now i have to know when to say it usually it's like when the person stops talking then you talk but to make it really actually uh realistic is fucking hard like impossible to write that that's why it takes 10 times longer right

i froze i don't know man short-circuited you froze a long time ago too and really fast like talk talk talk talk talk isn't this amazing it's it's really i think it's a it's a bigger picture thing too though it's like if you change anything in your routine of life it'll fuck i've been sweating this entire show i'm squeezing the fuck out of this like not have not been having a meltdown, but it does feel different. It does feel a little weirder. And at this point in the show, there's nothing going on that's host and co-host. But even though there isn't, I'm trying to be like, okay, so what's the next topic?

I'm already thinking about like. And I'm not. And I'm like, what's he going to say next? So stupid. Do you know what Los Angles bin Laden's son loves to do? What's that? Osama bin Laden's son loves to paint. This is like an ADD episode.

You want to go right by this? Really, I'm trying to see what he's going to say next. I was like, Omar bin Laden loves to paint Americana. In a respectful way? Yeah, Omar bin Laden loves to paint Americana. Yeah. In a respectful way? Yeah. Omar bin Laden loves painting. Yeah. Doesn't he have one son who's like Americanized? He lives in Normandy, but he just loves painting American

countrysides. See, now this sounds smart. There's just some people out there that's going to be like, John knows all about like, you know, the bin Laden family. Particularly the American Southwest. Which I don't care for. I kind of want to be like, it's pretty much Afghanistan. I was going to say, you picked the one part that's all deserts and wastelands.

Like I said, you're just doing fucking Baghdad, which is in Iraq, not Afghanistan. You're doing Kabul with fucking, you just make up train tracks and drive through it. That's it. He likes to paint cactuses, which I guess probably aren't in Kabul. Cactuses, train tracks, and desert. I was like.

You're just painting home, bro. I don't know if you get to do that. But how pissed do you think Osama is? I was going to say, you want to like piss off the, you know, the legacy of your father. Like he's rolling in his grave type shit. And his son painting Americana. Well, that is like...

I mean, what was Osama's deal, bro? Let's get into it. Let's talk about Osama bin Laden. I mean, like, relax, dude. Relax. What was so... Did we kill his family or something? I would imagine so.

Is that what it is? I have. Like in Homeland. I know a lot of sons, kill his family or something? I would imagine so. Is that what it is? I have. Like in Homeland. I know about his sons, not his history. Huh? I know about his sons, not his history. I focus on the offspring. We must have, like, you know, hit him with a bomb and, like, he watched his family die.

And then I do get it. Then I understand being pissed off. But these people were just like, ugh, like the way of life. Like the Kardashians drive me nuts. I'm going to, like, dedicate my life to slaughtering them. Goodness gracious. You know, but it is the dramatics of terrorists.

Really? You know, fucking Al Qaeda, fucking ISIS. Who are we on to right now? Who's the bad guys right now? Just Americans. Yeah.

It's in white people. Yeah. But I mean white people. Yeah. But I mean, goodness, just like drink some beer, get some head and shut the fuck up. You'll be a lot more happy. You know,

we should do, that's what we should do. We should just send a bunch of sluts over to wherever the, the terrorists are, you know, like, Oh, you hate Americans.

Well, we're going to send like 10,000 American hoes your way and they're going to fuck you and flirt with you and you're going to not want to kill us. I think I don't think that would work. I think they got to come here. You know what? You know, they they they want their their 10,000. Right. Right.

How many versions they get when they die? 72. What? That's it. Yeah i thought they got like a thousand well okay so what if i gave you that now gave him virgins i think you probably 72 virgins is tough to find that's all it is what if i found you 72 hoes who are going to pretend to be virgins and then it's like, Osama. And you don't have to kill yourself or all these people.

And you get your virgins. What's the problem now? I don't think you're in the after. I don't know. You know what I'm saying, though? Yeah. I was going to try and bullshit and speculate, and people would be like, well, that's easier there. It is funny to me that the one thing that you really hear about

that is their big to-do about their afterlife isn't really anything afterlife-ish it's like you can fuck on earth you know you can like come over i have to blow people up to in order to get to my afterlife why can't he do this why can't he just have a conversation from the left side? What's funny is like the other day you pretty much hosted. You were going topic to topic. Yes. Last episode I said nothing.

Last episode I was just laughing and like reiterating your words. You know that's funny when someone like says a joke and you just say it again. I thought it was going to go a lot better. What, you expected to be like? No, I thought it was going to go a lot better. What, you expect it to be like? No, I was expecting it to not be a train wreck. It's not, except for when you call it out as a train wreck. Then we derail. We were just talking about fucking Osama Bin Laden banging 72 chicks.

That would be a topic we talk about all the time. This man's having an existential crisis. Full blown panic attack. Full blown panic attack. And the dice thing is making it worse. I don't know what to do right now. You know, I just learned that

that transgender porn stars are are just men with boobs. Like, they were born men. Put that on the toothpaste. Put that as a quote card. You know, words of wisdom from John. I just learned that transgender men... I thought transgender, despite the fact that it's right there in the name

I always thought they were just women with penises you put my mind in a pretzel right now I think I'm overthinking this one I think you are too I don't know transgender porn stars are just men with boobs just men with boobs

thought it was women with penises well it could be either way right Or just men with boobs? Just men with boobs. I thought it was women with penises. Well, it could be either way, right? It is? Well, like, you could be born a woman, and then... I mean, it's much easier to... I think they're men with penises. Men with boobs. But not all of them, right?

You could be a woman. Can you get a dick? I don't... You can? You can do both. This is where I come from. You can do both, right? Yeah.

I think it's a much more complex thing to, like, get a penis, right? Can you get a dick? I honestly have no idea which one's more complex. I'm not exactly qualified to speak on that. But you can do either. Yeah. But you can get a dick. You can definitely do both.

How do you make a dick? How do you make a dick? How do you make a vagina? Well, that seems like a little more like you can... It seems easier to open some shit up as opposed to put something on. I don't think that's how it works either. I think I've actually seen a... Well, there's some level of making a hole.

Yes, there is. We're just learning here. We're teaching. I gotta, like, put something on your body. Well, it's, like, when you have, like, a... That seems much more complex. I mean, strap-ons exist, like, obviously. Well...

That's actually a big thing, actually. What? Transgender men, I guess. So, yes. Like a male. Born a woman. Born a male. Yeah, they just...

Sometimes they don't... Yeah, sometimes, like, if you don't want to get the bottom surgery you would just yeah you wear a strap on that seems like i would go that road yeah because that the actual thing is a whole to do you know exactly i can just strap this one on and save myself a lot of pain and money you know what are you what are you looking at i'm looking up a vaginoplasty that's called yeah i thought that was when you just get like your lips trimmed down and stuff vaginaplasty is when you like get a whole pussy made yeah i think so yeah oh the link was you like i thought that i thought you know when they do like the vaginal rejuvenation they just kind of tighten you up down there that's that's a

different thing right what are you googling now just looking for vaginoplasty gifts like a normal human being clearly i can't find it's all south park gifts on to easier topics we don't talk about creating penises and vaginas ken jack was running around the office as he tends to do with his little like camera of death he throws his phone in your face snaps a picture of you and then he shows you look, we made you something horrific and gruesome, and I'm going to post it all over the internet. So the latest, it was the no beard face app where you snap a picture of someone. It gets rid of their scruff. It gets rid of their beard.

All done on your phone. If you want to do that in real life and you want to clean up your beard you got to go to harry's john harry's is one of the og razor companies on the internet they've been around with us for a minute get the razors delivered right to your door john what are you doing see anybody at home was like i could do what he does he's fucking terrible at hosting he's fucking this he's fucking that see not so easy is it harry's.com huh jackie's offering you booze to try to loosen you up. You want a Friday beer, John?

That's what we should be doing. Sure. Yeah, let's go. Jackie gets full time and immediately she's starting. She's picking up. She's learning the ropes. Get him beer. Harry's, one of the original razor companies, like I said, they've been down with us for a while.

Wait, are you doing my ad read here? Are you going to do it or not? I thought we were taking a break for a second. John's the only man in the world who lives rent-free in his own head. Fights rent-free in Fights' head. Well, thanks to our friends over at Harry's, we've got a great deal coming for you to see. Back in the day, you had to walk miles

to the pharmacy in order to get yourself a razor. You'd have to fucking take a donkey there. You had to take a donkey there. You had to stand in front of a stupid fucking, fucking, fucking plastic. And you had to fucking ring a bell. An actual bell. Back in the day, right? You had a

fucking bell they had. Make sure, because it's thievery all over the island thievery all over the place and you have to say excuse me Mr. fucking drug salesman can I please have some some of the

some of the fucking razors here so I can go home and shave my face so I can kiss the missus but nowadays get Harry's delivered right to your door

right right to your door no thinking no fucking dunking no waiting no belling you just get Harry's right to your door. No thinking. No fucking dunking. No waiting. No belling. You just get Harry's right to your door. And you want to know

what we're going to get you, do you? What are you going to get me? I'll tell you what we're going to get you, son. Go to harrys.com slash KFC. We're going to get you the Harry's starter kit. Harry's starter kit has fucking blade, yeah. Five blade or hazer. Right? Five blade crazy number five oh yeah yeah five is five blades five blades on one razor yeah i know i hadn't heard of it myself

right you guys just think bill the butcher with the one single blade yeah right razor that burns all over right now this one here is five later but then i gotta buy a handle separately oh yeah don't you crazy lad you You get a weighted handle. Feels good in your hand. Feels strong, yeah. Like a... Like ergonomic? Like a hurler stick. Feels real fucking strong. You feel like a man when you're shaving with this thing.

Right? You get the foam kit. Because you can't just rate a five-blader right over the skin. No. That's crazy, dog! You sound like a Brit when you're doing something like that, don't you? And then we're also going to get you

the travel kit, right? And then, on top of it, because that's what we like to do, we're going to get you the Harry's body wash.

Right? None of that garbage Irish spring ale that people used to buy just because the people in the commercial had a fucking accent like mine.

No, no, no, no, no. The Harry's one is the one you want to get. Just three bucks. Three dollars. It's crazy time. I know it. You go to harrys.com slash KFC. You get all this stuff. You get it delivered to your door fucking

monthly. Whatever you want, I think. I don't know exactly. I'm not into specifics. I'm more into the broad strokes kind of thing. But anyway, that's the whole fucking thing, I think. I'm more into the broad strokes kind of thing. But anyway, that's the whole fucking thing, I think. Tell them one more time and they'll get it. You can get it. You don't have to ask because you want supplies last,

but you've got to go to harrys.com slash KFC, right? Again, a new customer can get a Harry's starter set and a free body wash for $3. $3 fucking dollars. That's a free body wash for $3. $3 fucking dollars. That's a $15 value for a three. You're welcome from your friends at KFC Radio. Here you go. So Ken Jack's running around town taking all these pictures with the new No Beard app. This is one of the meanest things he's ever done.

It's so mean, but it's like... It's one of those things where it's so mean it's funny. You know what, though? This is really funny. I mean, so I just got a bunch of texts from Jay Hay, the producer of Starting Nine, and my buddy The Big Wheeze, and they sent me these pictures.

They go, what is happening here? And he's like, is this real, or is this some sort of face app? I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, people are going to's like is this real or is this some sort of like face app I'm like oh Jesus Christ people are going to think this is fucking real no it's a god damn face app but what's bad is that it is basically real because that's just what I look like if I don't have any sort of scruff I look like a fat faced moron I don't think that's true

he said fights looks like one of those Madame Tussauds wax people you kind of do the emotionless face. You don't look real. I was going to say, I look like a 55-year-old overweight woman who's never left South Boston, and a stranger stopped her on the street while she's on her way to buy Marlboro Reds. The Taylor Swift shirt on top is perfect.

What do you want from me? Yep. I was told. Ma'am was told you have a minute right now and it's like i don't but why but you're standing in my way so i'm just just standing here fucking fuming about it i was told you don't have to get arrested because we know what your mugshot will look like and then and then rudy told me you look like a grandmother who's got a dui with her kids in the car yes exactly what you just described is what Rudy said, I look like Mac's mom from Always Sunny.

That's the meanest thing you can say about anybody. Go watch, if you're listening right now, stop and go watch YouTube. Because, I mean, look at that. I look like Mac's mom! And that's a nice picture of Mac's mom. That's like the actress where she's like,

if you make Mac look like Mac, yeah, if you look, if you make, you's like the actress where she's like, if you make Mac look like Mac. Yeah, if you look, if you make, you can roll a picture where she's like smoking a cig, wearing like a flannel men's shirt. That is what, go to YouTube and go to the KFC radio page and watch today's episode. Pull up some of the other tweets of his because he did everybody. He did Hank. No one on the planet earth has ever benefited more from a beard than henry lockwood the boy with no jaw i mean he but here's the thing with hanks is

hank hank and his looks younger you and i i look like i switch sexes and i also look like i age i don't know which one i'm more concerned about. You look like you switched sexes, but like to a butch woman. I look chesty. I look like broad. And I am rather chesty. Yeah, you're broad. But like it is like that looks more breasty chesty. I mean, these are horrific.

Ken Jack with no beard looks like Dennis when he's the pedophile. Yeah, I was going to say he looks like something. I mean, he looks like a Muppet. He didn't always sound... I was going to say, he looks like a... He looks like a Muppet. He doesn't even look like a human. He looks younger. He doesn't look older. KB looks younger and he looks like a Muppet. I mean, Nick just... So this thing definitely makes you fatter.

Nick looks just like me in glasses. And then there's Hank. See, and then he looks... Hank looks like one of those primordial dwarfs pull up a picture just do control t pull up a new tab do primordial primordial dwarf you know what those things look like hank looks like uh hank looks like an adult like a a regular adult who's playing a special needs high school kid on a CW special show. That girl right there with the bun. Right there.

No, she has too much of a wide mouth. The primordial dwarfs are wild. There's all sorts of TLC specials about them. He's got that exact face. I mean, you take away a man's beard, he looks like a primordial dwarf. That means you need to keep that exact face. I mean, you take away a man's beard, he looks like a primordial dwarf. That means you need to keep that fucking beard. Hank looks like someone who's in hair and makeup for a show that airs

at 7.30pm on Tuesdays. The CW. He's the special needs student who's getting bullied and then someone comes and saves him. The cool kid in school is like, hey guys, cut that out. And Hank's like, thanks man. Grab Michael Angelo too. That's him saying thanks man right there. he's like, thanks, man. Grab Michael Angelo, too.

That's him saying thanks, man, right there. Who's that? Michael Angelo. Michael Angelo. Michael Angelo looks like... Looks like Jared Leto getting in character for the Joker. I mean, that... Are we sure that was the same app?

That just is a face... I mean... Yeah, this is all Snapchat. Holy jimmy fucking... This looks like not getting actually getting out of character like he's like he's washing it off he's trying to refine jared because he's been too busy being joker and he's like looking he looks he catches a reflection in his phone it's like god damn it five more minutes somebody's put up a picture of that was frankie

trent trent looks like a woman too like like he like a he looks like a woman, too. He looks like a... Trent with no goatee. I think Trent looks exactly the same. No, no, no, no. Because the goatee makes him look a little more menacing. Trent's actually a little tough. This looks like a lesbian from Iowa. That looks like a lesbian trucker from Iowa. She smokes cigs and she'll give you a hand job in the fucking parking lot for like five bucks.

That is, this is, this app should be banned. I know you say like, it's so bad. It's funny. But what if, what if I ran around with an app?

Because what I've learned is that beards are just makeup for men. It's the only thing we've got to make ourselves look better. Girls have, they have the makeup. They have the fake eyelashes. They have all that shit, the injections they can get. They have a lot of stuff that makes them look better. The only thing – we could do all that too,

but the only thing that we just have that's normal for us is a beard. We only have one thing at our disposal, but it's so effective. It's a superpower. Yeah, so we need it. Imagine if I just ran around with an app, though, and I just went up to all the girls in the office, and I was like, I'm going to take a picture of you with this app. It makes you look fat and gross,

and I'm going to post them to the internet. I would be fucking fired. I'd be sent to jail. Actually, you know what? That is rude, Ken Jack. Casey just ruined my self-esteem. Casey thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Let's just do it with Casey.

Let's just what? Let's just go take one with Casey. With the beard? No, yeah, yeah, with the beard. Yeah, let's see what your face looks like, even though you don't have a beard with no beard. I bet it changes you. I bet she just gets fat and ugly, too.

Fatter and uglier, you fat dumb bitch. It's bullshit. The other thing that the girls have been rocking recently to enhance is the infamous, quote-unquote tiktok leggings which are really i think we've talked about a couple times here they're just leggings but this brand or this style has been dubbed the tiktok leggings because it basically just has this scrunchie part goes right up your asshole to make your cheeks look bigger and better why does that make your cheeks look bigger it just uh i guess it asshole to make your cheeks look bigger and better. Why does that make your cheeks look bigger? It just, I guess it doesn't make your cheeks look bigger, but it just pulls in in the middle.

So I think it just like, rather than being flatter. Oh, I've seen those where it does look like. It's scrunchy. It does look like your whole butt is a big butthole. No, no. What it looks like. It looks like. It's the fucking, the leggings that girls wear, like it all has lines that come out.

You're describing. I know what you're talking about, but it's not lines that come out. You're describing it. I know what you're talking about, but it's not. It's not that? It's not. This is the fabric. They scrunch it into the middle. It sounds like you're describing a bubble. No, no.

No, it's not that at all. It's like there's a line. What it does is it makes a thong built into the leggings. So the top waistband like curves in and then right down the middle and your crack is the fabric bunches up like it's almost like um like crinkled so that it like rides up your ass and then that so it all kind of like rounds your cheeks i think so it makes your butt like just look rounder and so i um and then well i'm sorry so then they there are all these skits on instagram of like a wife who puts up like a hidden camera and is like i got the new tiktok leggings and i'm

going to surprise my husband so i was like because for instance we're like domestic life partners i was like i'm gonna i'll get a pair we'll do a skit for the next kc radio show where i put them on and john walks in and the husband's always like damn girl like what are you all caked up where'd you get those so um so i ordered them and it's like i don't know if we can go through with this wait so i want to know what was really going through your mind when you when you bought them because it wasn't just for me. For you? Yeah. It wasn't just for our skin. Oh, you mean I bought it for myself?

Like, that wasn't the 100% reason. Well, yeah, no. I mean, you think I want to wear them myself? I think you wanted to maybe, like, all right, let's see what this is all about. Well, I've always been telling you that I'm caked up. I know. I wanted to prove it.

But it was 100% for a skin. John, if you think I'm just going to, well, I'll say this. I ordered them not with the intent of wearing them but they're comfortable as fuck you might catch me uh alone in my house rocking some leggings now you not again not these ones because i don't the the scrunchie thing up your ass is very is that it's not comfortable but the rest oh heavens the girls the girls have got it figured out right now. The girls are way ahead in the game, I think. They have found a way to have wildly comfortable clothes that are also hot

and that are also somehow acceptable to just wear out all the time. It's a great gig right now to be a girl. But we still got beards. That's true. That is true, but they are similar in a way. It's like this beard will take your ugly face and just make it decent. And these pants will take like your flat pancake butt and make it decent. Which is, I mean, a guy's face and a girl's ass.

Can we put your butt up here? Do you have the picture? Yeah, I do. Kevin took his own ass pic. And that was the funniest part was not only putting them on, but I took picture did you do the over the shoulder no i did so and then i learned i learned how to take like an ass picture i was like all right i'm gonna try to make this cheek pop but then i was like oh you got to take it from the other angle if you're making your right cheek pop you got a whole right right jackie jackie's nodding yeah yeah you would think if you're trying to make your

right cheek pop you would take it from the right side. But if you take it from the left side, you see that shit. So I, I actually showed it to Casey and I like made up like a little backstory about like it being a girl's ass and she just bought it and like, didn't even flinch, which is,

I don't think great. I don't think you want that to be your I don't know is that a good thing or a bad thing that you got a woman's ass I mean I'm told that I have women's I'm told I have women's legs all the time so I guess

you put a spoke together that's because you don't have any fucking hair on them Jackie I'm going to send it to you too no yeah I'm not going to send it to you, too. No, yeah, I'm not going to do that, actually. Never mind. Oh, no! You turned on, Zach?

It's annoying that you're a guy and you don't... Come to the mic. You just don't deserve to have an ass. What? Men can't have an ass. What? Men can't have asses too? I'm a white girl. It's just annoying that you are blessed. And I have to do like fucking 50 squats a day. If I want to be like...

I'm going to stop talking. Blessed. Fucking blessed. That's right. It's an ass up there. But also. Hearing you like being like, oh my God, like my ass is just too fat. It's so weird.

It's like offensive to me. Yeah, I get that. It's like, I don't even want it. You see what I'm saying though? How these pants work with like, it's like a built in. Yeah, I can kind of see it. It's like, it's like stitched like a thong almost. So it's like so it's like yeah i mean listen i don't need this thing at all this thing is totally wasted it's totally useless nobody wants this i i'm just saying like picturing

like how how many pictures did you take like four oh that's it yeah no i didn't do like a full and then that one i was like all right i wanted to get one that looked as much like a female as possible to see if I could trick people. And so far you have. Yeah, I mean, well then. I'm putting this on the thumbnail. And when people get to this part of the show and realize it's your ass, that's going to be amazing. So I showed it to Bailey. And I was like, yo, I'm thinking about bringing back Guess That Ass.

Can you put this on the site? And his reaction was so weird, right? I think he thought you were showing him like – Just like a girl's ass? Like a sext or something like that. Because he was like, okay, dude. Yeah. And I was like waiting to kind of tell him, and he was like, yeah, yeah, whatever.

I'll post it and walked away. And I was like, well, that was a weird exchange, and I never really got to the point. So, yeah, Bailey just thinks I'm just showing him like random pictures of girl's ass. And then he comes walking back over five minutes later he's like wait was that your ass i was like yes thank you for clearing this up because i don't know what you were walking around thinking anymore you should basically playing a dangerous game so oh that's what he said yeah put it on the only put it on the barstool only fans and just put guess that barstool employees ass yeah and never tell the answer that's the thing I don't want the answer being told

I mean what are we fucking you know there's like 200 people on the OnlyFans I'm keeping it a secret from them that's a tip Jesus Christ use the under angle I was just going to ask you if you used any under angle no because that's the other thing and the other reason why I don't know if we can even go through

with my original idea here for the skit they are wildly inappropriate from the front. Wildly. Wildly. I was going to go with the under angle. I couldn't get my balls out of the way. Honestly, from the under angle, you probably would have seen some sack.

It would have been a disaster. From the front, it's not only is it just like a bulge but it's like you can see tips and balls it's a whole fucking thing it's a whole fucking thing man i remember the first time i put on i didn't know like women's leggings they're just like compression pants guys are comfortable right yeah they're very comfortable yeah yeah it was just a pair like nike compression pants i was going to do yoga and i was just like i'm gonna wear i'm sure i'm just gonna like i'm just gonna wear compression pants in yoga and you went out in public no no i didn't because i looked in the mirror i checked the mirror first but i was just like like they were white compression pants i was like not even

you could see outlines you could just see my cock and balls it was just like it's white spandex scratches it's like you can just see my fucking kid. Yeah, yeah. So I had to go into yoga with like fucking shorts over. I could have just changed into regular shorts. I was like, I'm wearing leggings today. I'm already committed to wearing this outfit today. Yeah, you put shorts over the pants, right?

I put shorts over it. Like the one time I've exercised in the last like five years, I went out to the store and I got the sneakers, I got the shorts, I got whatever, and then I grabbed some of those shorts or those pants. And I did the shorts over the pants. And I remember I remember not only just like was as comfortable as fuck but uh captain cons was like this actually makes you look semi-athletic yeah it's like they're magic they're fucking magic no wonder girls have just been wearing them for you know a long time now uh but yeah the front is just gonna be

I don't know if we can do it. Just because there's a penis there. Yep. Cut it off. There is a penis. Cut it off. Can it turn into a vagina? I was like, if I do do it, like, Jackie can't be in the room. I don't think anybody can be in the room.

There can't be any cameras from the front. Zach definitely can't be in the room because I know he's getting turned on. Fucking know it. I look like Armie Hammer and now I got a fat ass. Zach wants to fuck me, and that's why he gets all uncomfortable. No, it looks too much like a woman's ass. Don't worry. That's a great point.

Zach did want to fuck me, and then he saw my woman's ass, and he was like, no, I'm out. I'm out. It looks too much like a woman's ass. That was fucking funny, Zach. Heavens to Betsy. We're getting weird. How?

I mean, so I did that. Right after doing one minute man about Lola Bunny. So I was like, oh, I'm sitting here. I'm sitting here wearing women's leggings talking about fucking an animated bunny. And that's what I call work. That's my career, folks. It's a callback to last episode. Just wait till you tell your son.

God damn it. Tell him you're a fucking bank robber or something. By the time Keegan's of age, they'll be like Space Jam 3, right? And then Lola Bunny will be like an androgynous bunny with like, you know. Were people having fun with it? Or were some people like actually upset? Like, why doesn't the cartoon have tits anymore? I think it was mostly.

It's like, oh, you changed your body. That's weird. It was just that they like made a point. Like it was kind of announced, I think. Like if they just made Lola Bunny look like that now, I think it'd be like whatever. It would be obvious what they were doing. But like the TMZ article said, like quote,

less sexualized. So that means somewhere, somebody along the lines put out like a release or there was a press conference or a question and answer where they specified, yes, we've made Lola less sexual, which is just so funny to think that they're in a boardroom and they're like,

okay, like number one, like we got to make sure that, like, LeBron fan, like, number one, LeBron versus MJ. The big issue here, what do we do with the fans? Are they going to like LeBron? Number two, the jerseys. Like, you know, the jerseys are so iconic. Number three, Lola Bunny was too fucking hot.

And you got a boardroom full of people being like, I, you know, in the 90s, kids were jerking off to Lola Bunny and there's some you know johnson from you know the art department's got his glasses on he's like her tits were just huge her waist was tiny that ass was fat smith that ass was fat and they're like yes we gotta figure this out so now and now it's like so over the top she's like you know so it's such a stark difference and if you you look, I saw a clip of in Space Jam one when she like first comes into the gym. It's like this sultry saxophone music. And like, you know, she's like, but I don't pop it out. Who got the tongue rolls on the floor?

So they were definitely like, yeah, all the tunes want to fuck this girl. And I mean, yeah, listen, she's sexy as fuck. And I think I think. Wait, that's her on the left. The left. That's the first one. Yes. Oh, guess what, guys?

I don't find cartoons hot anymore. Really? I mean, like I've done more. So you can see that you used to. Yeah. Oh, when I was a kid, like I was like, oh, the money's pretty. But like now that I would. no business fucking Lola Bunny there. You're such a prude little bitch.

What happened to your fucking libido, John? I'd have to see her in actual... Come on, you wouldn't fuck that? Click that and make it a little bigger so blind-ass John can see it. Like, pull that up. Come on! Okay, she looks much better there than the first picture. Look, dick thighs.

Dick thighs save lives, man. Come on, she's hot as shit. I got the right one there. Like, how can we make her uglier? She's got to be bow-legged for sure. Yeah, look at that. She got legs like me. This looks like me.

Look at that. Like, a little bit of, like, too big of hips. No tits. Legs that are that are just like fucking straight down if i was if i was a cartoon bunny i'd be lola i mean that is a sad sight they made her so blah you know and that was my problem john you can be sexy and be an athlete you're telling so now there's some girl out there who's got hips and tits and she's like well i can't be an athlete i gotta look like that when i'm on the court i say let her be as sexy as she wants while she's balling i think part of the problem john warner brothers part of the problem i think part of the problem what they did is they they fucking it's just made the men not

fucking catcaller the whole time yeah keep her hot as hell and just have they keep your fucking eyes in your head bro see that's i mean i i that's what, I mean, I said to Kate, I said, I want my cartoons, I want the auger horn, I want the tongue, you know, when it falls and then it makes a staircase? It goes da-da-da-da-da-da. I want that happening. I want, I want, I want, I said,

what are they going to do if they ever do another Incredibles? Can Mrs. Incredible not have that fatty dumper anymore? I think also, like, how old is Lola Bunny? Because I don't want to be... Let's hopefully say 18. Okay. If you're going to fuck a bunny, that's an interesting question.

Is there, you know, is there a legal age if you're going to fuck an animal? I think it's illegal no matter what. Yeah. I think so, too. Unless it's a fucking rat. Again, if you're watching on YouTube, the smirk on john says he's like yeah i didn't like that at all so i i did the one minute man and i uh i rattled off like i said that my final four has always been um lola ariel jasmine and jessica rabbit somebody by the way

tweeted me being like, like bold move including Jessica Rabbit. Like that's the hottest cartoon like ever. What are you talking about? And certainly not like a bold move. Actually, yeah. No, it's not. I was thinking she's human, but.

Yeah, most of them are human. Most of them are human. Yeah. Okay, so that makes sense. And then I rattled off six more to kind of round off a top ten. And then it got me. So I went way back into the time machine uh into the for sure not days when i did the tournament of smoke show cartoon characters 2009 i did 60 fucking four

smoke show cartoon characters ranging from like disney princesses down to like erin esurance from the commercials it had video erin insurance was weapon fucking kim possible was sexy too uh yeah erin insurance was super hot oh wait kim possible's who i'm thinking whether they bought it was like erin insurance was like it was just stolen from what i think somebody stole from somebody because they're like very very yeah similar um i mean do you have any anime in there um i did i did video games, but not like anime. Yeah, anime wasn't like a thing then. I mean, I'm sure it was a thing.

Yeah, it wasn't a popular thing in the States. I mean, I had 16 seeds in there who were gross. I had Velma from Scooby-Doo. Oh, Velma? No, I did Daphne vs. Velma was a 1 vs. 16, and Daphne just smoked there. I had Ms. Pac-Man. I was like, look at that mouth. You know what I mean? There's not much to look at but that mouth. You had ane just smoked there. I had Ms. Pac-Man. I was like, look at that mouth.

You know what I mean? Not much to look at, but that mouth. I mean, I did like the St. Paulie's girl cartoon. Yeah, I mean. I was just trying to keep it moving. Enough of the room kind of went, oh, man. But it brought back like one of my favorite memories that i have from doing the blog at deloitte we had one copier on the floor we had two copiers but one always broke so we essentially always had one copier for the entire 15th floor

of two world financial center and they all had to do real work they had to make copies and scan like fat fucking documents so there was always like a little bit of a line they all had to do real work they had to make copies and scan like fat fucking documents so there was always like a little bit of a line you always had to wait it was actually wait in line he's a copier when it was one of the worst like one of the worst spots to like small talk occurs because you can't leave and lose your spots you gotta stay and then it's just like hey man like wait no it was like being at the water cooler but like for work and you can't leave and you gotta wait and so there's a line and i am sitting there scanning my bracket with smoke show cartoon characters to scan so i can have it as a jpeg to upload to my website and i had like the blank one and then i had to fill out the first round and scan it and then i

the second round and scan it so i had like brackets for each blog post so i was sitting there like closing it press copy scan then you gotta like put it in email and send it and then i pulled that out i put the like the second round in i had to i do all this shit while like trying to hide it while these people were waiting online to do legitimate fucking work and i'm sitting here like don't mind me it's just my uh my 64 brackets of cartoons that i want to fuck but i'm gonna go get commentary on the internet for i mean could you imagine if i if i left one in the top tray or something like that it's definitely where i thought it was i mean that would be i almost wish that happened just so i either have to deny it or talk my way out of it

or whatever but it was like in in old school when they're making the flyers for Mitchapalooza at work. Yeah, yeah. It was that just times 5,000. Jack, you do... Girls' kids have crushes on cartoons, right? I can't think of one that I did. You didn't have a crush on one cartoon? What cartoons did you watch?

I'm going to say, I don't think that I'm like... I mean, think about it, though. There's really not... There's not like a hot... It's a pretty big double standard. Name like a hot male cartoon. Oh, I mean like fucking every Disney princess. Yeah, like Prince Eric.

Every Disney princesses. But I don't think it's like the same as like... Like you guys like... Hearing like guys talk about like this. You don't want to fuck them. Like exactly. Like I was never like... Like, oh, Prince Eric's pretty.

I'm like, oh, yeah. He's handsome. We should come save me one day. Like, exactly. Like, I was never like... Like, oh, Prince Eric's pretty. He's handsome. We can come save him. Sit on that dick. Yeah, exactly. It seems like the... Well, that might just be a us thing. I don't know.

I want to give Lola some of Michael's secret sauce. Or was it? Secret stuff. Secret stuff. But I think that that might be... I mean, the very first reaction was people reminiscing about

Being like oh Lola Bunny's fucking hot And then like this TMZ article came out About how Warner Brothers desexualized her So that became the narrative But the very first thing when it hit the internet Was just people being like ah Lola Like Lola's fucking hot Oh people didn't realize it?

They I guess it was more reminiscing About the first one. And yeah, I don't think they really, I don't think the first reaction was like, they took away her tits, you know? I wouldn't be like, Lola looks, because I haven't seen fucking Spaceman. Yeah, my first reaction wouldn't be like, they took away her tits! Like, I noticed them. I mean, and once you see this side by side, you realize it.

Once it's an article, you realize it. Also, if you're not told anything, I don't think it matters. It's like seeing a high school sweetheart, school sweetheart for the first time in 20 years. She doesn't look the same as she used to, but she still looks amazing. I think that's like a – Unless it's either like, oh, she lost a leg. Yeah, it's got to be sharp. She looks significantly different versus –

But I think that that's something like your brain actually tricks you. Like you're the vision, the image like you're seeing in your head. I think it's like some shallow house shit. It's like we can look at the same girl. And if I went to middle school with her, I'd be like, oh, my God. I've done that with high school girls before where it's just like it's actually wasn't even high school girls was younger than that. But it's like I saw her again. I was like, oh, God damn.

What up? And then like because I saw her again, I followed her on Instagram. And I was like, not what I saw last night at all. And it rarely happens that you see something on Instagram that does not match what you've seen. It's like nostalgia goggles. You know what I mean? You see, like, the seventh, eighth grade version or whatever. So, yeah, Lola is not as hot.

And the youngins will never know what it's like to kind of be sexually confused about a goddamn bunny rabbit. That's probably for the best. Neither do I. I was never confused. I wanted a fucking bunny. There was no fucking confusion, man. So I'll watch Space Jam 2 and I will shed a tear. Pour one out.

Shed some tears for Lola Bunny not being as hot. The best thing to watch Space Jam 2 in, so I've heard. What's that? Well, I'll tell you what it is. It's going to be bare-button clothing. The Scotsman's here. It's the bare-button clothing. I'll tell you this here, lad. A couple lads here could stand around talking,

having a beer on a front of a pint on a Monday afternoon like a fucking good boy. Are you looking sharp in that shirt, I might say? Brother, top to bottom, bare bottom. I'll do, since I'm in his chair, I'll do the John. I'll get up on his chair. Yeah, get up there. This violates my rule.

I'm off the ground, John. I got the bare bottom. I'm going to fucking kick the chair. I got half of mine, too. I got the shirt on, the flannel button up. I got the joggers on, which is like I usually kind of shy away from the joggers because I'm old, you know. But they're like black denim joggers. So it's kind of like jeans, half joggers.

The perfect amount of like pinch at the ankle where you don't look like a total asshole, but you don't look like you're wearing like wide leg JNCOs. And the flannel's got some good weight to it. So the bare bottom, I usually wear the comfortable bare bottom, but now I'm diving into the stylish bare bottom, so they can do it all. You get their long sleeve t-shirts, it's the most comfortable shit you've ever worn.

The t-shirts are impossible to fucking match. I'm losing the boy six, I'm not staying with it, but the t-shirts are just fucking... I actually had to look into the tag. I'm out. I'm out.

I had to look into the tagline. I got to say a few words to get back into it. There we are. I had to look into the fucking tag to be like, what is this t-shirt made of? It's just too comfortable. I never felt anything like it in my life. And that's why it's fucking good to have now with, you know,

the winter's ending. The coronavirus is ending. I'm Aussie now, I think. I reckon. I reckon. I think I'm an Aussie. I'll stick with it. And it's time to get back out there.

And you fucking, you put on your good clothes. Honestly, it is. I'm going out. I'm going to go to dinner tonight. I actually put on some real fucking clothes for a change. And it feels good. Yeah. So you got to go out there, you gotta go

find yourself a new bird, right? You gotta say, hey, look, babe, the winter, the long hibernation's over. You know what you gotta say? You gotta say, I wanna see your bare bottom. Yeah, you know what I mean? Get me right down under.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with Bare Bottom right now, with the KFC radio guys, they're going to help you out. You go to barebottom.com and use the code KFC, right?

Barebottomclothing.com. Oh, I'm sorry, I fucked that up. I fucked that up a couple times too. Yeah, yeah,

it's barebottomclothing.com. And use the code KFC. You're going to get complete free shipping on your first order. It's, I mean, it's a great fucking,

free shipping, everyone likes to, I'll tell you what, as someone who, I got a fucking service shop down under, right? Yeah. I mean, it's a great fucking thing. Free shipping, everyone likes it. I'll tell you what, as someone who, I got a fucking service shop down under, right? Got a couple of T-shirts. And people love to fucking bitch about my shipping prices. You hit the fucking right. Every time, they're like, oh, this is a high fucking

shipping price. I say, look, this is what it costs for me, right? If I could give it to you free, I could, but I gotta keep the fucking lights on here. And luckily, fucking bare-bottom clothing, they're just going to give you free shipping. You don't have to worry about it.

Don't have to send them an email. Don't have to fucking tweet at them. They're like, oh, I wish this was cheap. But no, no, no. We're giving it to you for fucking free with a nice couple

of fucking guys. Winter's over. Get your fucking nice clothes on. You almost went like Brooklyn Italian there for a second. These fucking guys. And this ad reads over before I lose it again is is jim jeffries australian yes okay because i was gonna

say you sound a lot like jim jeffries and i wasn't sure if he was like british or australian knocked it out of the park we went we went brooklyn italian we went scotsman we went australian we nailed it so we're doing top fives today top five uh movies to cry at um and i mean i might have to add space jam because i'll be like just weeping the whole time knowing that you know lola bunny's no longer a smoke show but um i'm going first today okay because i gotta take my pick i gotta have it i gotta have only the brave it's just my oh it's just my my we movie. A good one. Only the Brave, Miles Teller, True Story. They're the Hot Shots, California, Wildfire, Fireman. And, you know, I guess we kind of have to do spoilers for this, right?

It's a true story. I don't believe in spoilers on true stories. Okay. So I didn't know it was a true story going into it. Yeah. But, I mean, there's a scene where Miles Teller is, like, not on the job at the moment. He's, like, I think he's kind of suspended for, like,

bad behavior almost. So he's not out there with his boys. And this wildfire. No, you're wrong. First of all, we're going to go hard spoilers. So if you haven't seen this, skip forward. He was out there. He was on lookout.

Okay. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think he's on lookout. Okay. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think he's on lookout because he wasn't... I thought he was on the outs with the team. I don't know. I don't think so. Because I thought that was when he was being an asshole

and he needed to learn from Josh Brolin and shit like that. But either way, so he's not there and the whole team gets fucking wiped out. They do this thing where they put their foil tent over them that helps you out a little bit, but not when this fucking fire engulfs them. And then there's a scene where all the fucking family members

of the firemen go to the local high school gym to wait and see because they lost all contact. And so they're waiting. Maybe a couple of them will come home and they're just waiting to see like the door open and see their family come through and miles teller walks through because he's the only one who wasn't there and it just signals to everybody that they're all fucking dead and he's the only one who made it and it i mean

like shirt getting wet from crying like i couldn't breathe from crying at a goddamn looking at a little tv screen just sobbing and he's like he feels guilty and they're crying because they see him so it's almost like mean towards him but it's because they miss their fan it's the most gut-wrenching scene i've ever seen and it's real which is the worst fucking part of it all so it's it's probably not the most gut-wrenching scene I've ever seen. And it's real, which is the worst fucking part of it all. So it's probably not the most memorable cry movie that you've heard of. I don't think everyone's going to be disappointed by our list,

I imagine. Maybe not you. No, I got some classics in there, I think. I don't have any classics. But Only the Brave is like, if you haven't seen it, it's a good movie, too. But if you do watch it, buckle the fuck up for that scene. Okay, my number one is Miracle. Obviously, it ruined the relationship. It's just not one thing I learned.

One day, you know what? Okay, hang on. Yeah, keep going. It's just not one thing I learned. I cried so hard in front of a woman that she decided she could no longer be in love with me over this movie. So, yeah, that's it. That's Miracle. I mean, Miracle isn't even just like

i don't have a cry scene i just cry the entire the whole time a lot of it's like tears of joy and motivation it's all it's all like remembering like hockey stuff with like years when i was younger and like but that's what it is is that you're actually it's it's personal like i would cry the same way that like you might tear up at the national anthem at a big game. And it's not because you have. You just get emotional. You know what I mean? So movies like that, sports, pageantry, the backstory of these guys, you cry.

You're crying because you're thinking about you and hockey and your life. And that's why you end up sobbing. And I'm a failure. Yeah. Okay. My number two pick is the one thing I learned where John cries at Miracle and then gets broken up by his girlfriend. It's just the most gut-wrenching, sad scene you've ever watched. It's just this kid.

He shared a vulnerable moment with his girlfriend, and she just stomped all over him two days later. And then he had the most awkward breakup of all time where all he wanted to do was just get out of it with a little bit of pride and shot backfired shot himself in the foot and it's he's crying and and and puking and i'm crying i'm not puking i'm just dribbling really i mean the one thing i learned series there's a there's a lot of there's some decent tear scenes in there. Oh, is that really your number two? Yes, that's really my number two. All right, well, you opened yourself up then.

I wrote this down just in case. I figured it would be gone. Armageddon? I mean, Armageddon is an ultimate crime. It is actually still to this day. It's more one scene, to be honest. I don't think it's a crime movie, but it's the scene. Yeah. I mean, if you cry honest i don't think it's a crime movie but it's the scene yeah yeah yeah i mean if you cry once in a movie it's a crime movie agreed yeah like

miracle was an exception to the rule there yeah but if you cry one time in a movie because there's and then if you if you cry multiple times then it's like a fucking you know then it's like a this is masochistic yeah um and obviously we're talking about bruce willis saving the world talking to yeah that's this is the one that i honestly think i've probably seen that movie 50 times uh also do you know the weirdest part about that movie is the opening scene when the asteroid bits first come in smokes that guy smokes the guy but it it just looks exactly like 9-11 oh yeah it doesn't they're two see if you can pull it up nick there is i actually just watched smokes the guy, but it just looks exactly like 9-11. Oh yeah, does it? See if you can pull it up, Nick.

I actually just watched it recently, and there's Eddie Griffin is arguing with the fat who's selling T-Rex toys on the corner. Something that does not happen in New York City. The asteroid hits an individual

human, and he just gets blown up mean, the asteroid hits an individual human and he just, pow, gets blown up. I was walking by on 6th Avenue the other day and it was just like, it was the most random collection of things

being sold at the same time I've ever seen in my life. Where it was just like, first of all, it was just like four guys hanging out smoking weed and I think like, it was on the corner

of like 6th and, like 32nd and 6th or something like that. And on the corner like sixth and like 32nd and sixth or something like that and it was just like six guys four four six guys hanging out smoking weed and i think they all decided like look if we're gonna be here we might as well sell stuff yeah and it was just like everyone bring five things from home today and it was just like two box two pairs of boxes like still in their underwear and then it was And then it was some fucking wrenches. Some wrench bits. Just like selling garbage.

Some headphones not in a box. There was a couple of bike lock. It was just like, what do you guys need? What do you need? I need a bike lock. That's what I'm looking for right now on the street corner. Okay. Yeah, this guy just gets fucking whacked with a with an asteroid it's nuts individual victim of a fucking fireball falling from space bro look how old the cars i know it's always the cop cars they did that in in uh home, too. But yeah, this is not that old of a movie, right?

When did it come out? I don't think I saw it in theaters. Why do they look that old? But yeah, this scene, the whole world just gets whacked. Skip forward a bit, Nick. It's basically the wrapping up of the asteroid attack or the asteroid thing. There's just kind of an outward scene of the destruction that's caused in New York City. And it's just like the two

Twin Tower buildings on fire. It's very weird. There it is. Yikes. Right? That's fucking crazy. Maybe they got the idea. Jesus fucking Christ. My number three pick I'm going

to go with... I got a bunch on my list. I cried a lot in movies. I'm going to go with John Q. You are not... I am not going to bury my son. You're not going to bury me. I mean, that is... I have not seen

that since Becoming a Father. I don't think I could watch it. I don't think I would get through it. Were you like, alright, I got to sudden out time to watch John Q? No, I don't think I'll do it. I was going to say. I don't think I would get through it. Were you like, all right, I got to sudden out time to watch John Q? No, I don't think I'll do it. I don't think I will subject myself to that. I was emotional about that as a kid with not a responsibility in the world. Thinking about now if I had to do that for my son and the way he's got the gun to his head

and he's made peace with killing himself so his son can have his heart. I mean, that's that's i think it's nobody else in the world would pick that as like their favorite denzel uh performance it's a great but it's awesome and it's just a cool movie it's just like it's a ridiculous concept but it's it's fucking awesome eddie griffin in that one as well but yeah what that whole speech like i'm not gonna bury my son my son's's going to bury me. Woo, baby. And when he does, like, the weightlifting thing, he's like, let me see your muscles. Yeah.

I'm going to start crying now thinking about it. Okay. I'm going to go with a weird choice, given that I just forced us to point out the 9-11 scene in Armageddon. Remember me. I actually cried. That's the Pierce Brosnan and Robert Pattinson. It's the one. That's the one that ends with the 9-11.

Yeah. But I don't cry. I actually laugh at that because it's so preposterous. But I remember when I was in college, my mom recommended. No, I'm sorry. When I was done with college, having not graduated, but I just, like, didn't have a job and didn't do anything really except, like, write and, like, write a blog and do some shit. Right, right.

And my mom saw that movie and told me that it reminded her of me. And then she's like, it reminds me a lot of, like, you. Like, you should just watch it. And it's just this kind of kid who doesn't give a fuck and likes to drink and write and whatever. then he dies at 9-11 and they're like yeah he also has a bad relationship with his father which i don't have but it's it's not like he's baffling sometimes man and i was like i watched it and i cried a lot so like there were definitely similarities where it was like oh i can definitely see myself in this scene like that would make me cry and i can see myself doing this and that would make my cry and then like at

the end i just started laughing out loud that ending is like what the fuck mom yeah like really mom now that ending will make you laugh like out loud no matter what if someone has just directly compared you to that i mean forget about it um'm going to go to the animated front. Fox and the Hound. Have you ever seen that movie? Do you know the premise of that movie? I don't. It is... Wait, maybe it's an older one, right? Yes. Okay, I was thinking Fantastic Mr. Fox. No. Which is

Clooney's animated movie. Fox and the Hound is a sickening Disney film. This I think I have seen. It's like a fox and a hound who, when they're pups, meet each other and become friendly. And then as they become, like, teenagers, if you will, it's like, no, you guys are professionally opposed. Like, we hunt foxes and hounds have to, like, go, you know, like, kill the fox. And you guys can't be friends anymore.

And they're just kind of like, why can't we be friends? Fox, why can't we be friends, Hound? And it is, I'm like, who called for this movie? What's the lesson here for the children? Well, hang on, how does it end? I don't really remember. I don't think they. Well, if it ends with them being friends, then.

I don't think it does. I don't think it does. I'm pretty sure. There's an old woman who owns the Hound, who'sound. I think she dies at one point. But, no, I don't think there's a happy ending. And there's just so many scenes of, like, why can't we just be friends? And they're like, because the world won't let you. Like, you have to kill each other.

Jesus Christ on the cross. Yeah, it's not a happy ending. Yeah. I think one of them dies, right? Yeah, I think so. They don't kill each other, though? That's better, at least. I mean, killing a, you know, that? Yeah, I think so. They don't kill each other, though? That's better, at least. Killing a, you know, I don't think this is going to be on your list,

but Bambi's probably on some people's list. Killing animals in a cartoon or in a movie is pretty fucking, guaranteed waterworks, and I think almost a cheap gimmick. It's like, you know what you're doing here. Fuck off. So my number four, Gladiator. Gladiator Gladiator the fucking speech the fucking

the mother and son hanging finds them dead when he's holding their feet that's actually great acting because he's crying and they're snot if you ever saw your kids and wife burnt and hanging you wouldn't just be like you'd be like there's that's actually a multiple crime movie yeah that's a really good one that's up there yeah that's a multiple crime movie also

real quick i just watched a video on uh russell crowe explaining how he like almost like crack science explaining how he taught ed sheeran to drink without hangovers. And it's the most dad thing ever. Which is like, he's just really firing up this concoction of how you can just drink that doesn't give you hangovers. And at the end of the day, at the end of the day,

at the end of the day, it's just water. He's just drinking more water? Now what you want to do is you take a little of the tequila there, right? You do this, the fucking silver, and you pour it over ice, right? And you let that sit there for about 15 minutes. And then you put in some passion fruit juice. And then after that, 15 more minutes sitting there.

And then you pour that over new ice. And then you put in a bunch of new water. Water it down. And he's like, and he's cheering. Ed's drinking. He calls me the next morning at 5 a.m. He says, Russ, I feel great. Yeah, it's because you had gallons of water and only a little bit of alcohol.

Yeah. I said, Ed, the secret's hydration. Yeah. And I was like, yeah. And like, it's like a video that has like 2 million views. Rudy showed it to me being like, yo, you've got to see this fucking how Russell Rowe drinks. It's like, I think he called it like, it's like crackhead drinking.

Like, it's crazy science. I was like, it's just watered down drinks, man. By the way, that was a good, I'll show you an accent. Nailed that one there. All right, my final pick. I have, personally for me,

I probably would go Field of Dreams for that one moment. Hey, Dad, you want to have a catch? But I'm not going to go there. I'm just going to go with simply the most gratuitous, sad movie of all time, Stepmom. Stepmom. Have you ever seen Stepmom? No. Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon.

I think Susan Sarandon has cancer and dies and then Julia Roberts takes over as the stepmom and it's just it's just deplorably sad it's like what were you what are you even doing to us here there's kids and moms dying and moms taking over and I think there's like

a scene, I've only seen it like the one time because I was like I'll never subject myself to this again I think there's a scene where like Susan Sarandon tells like Julia Roberts to kind of like take take the torch and take care of my kids. And it's just like, oh my fucking God, who wrote this? This is just disgusting. That movie is a cry from start to finish. Really?

It's just a steady cry the whole time. You have a very eclectic cry. Oh, yeah. I got cartoons. I got chick flicks. I got action movies. I got it all. Stepmom is disgusting and if you and

i can't even imagine if you have a dead mom forget it um okay my number five is i think people are gonna be like i was gonna like i cry when i watch rudy i just don't watch rudy a lot you know what i mean like these other ones are movies i see kind of right here rudy's gonna be on a lot of guys list uh so it's is like Brian's song. I've never seen Brian's song. Like the sports ones are up there, but you know.

It would be disingenuous for me to put Rudy on the list. Right. It would be, people would probably get mad that it's on someone's list, but like. Right.

That's why I mentioned Field of Dreams. It's just not like, you know, I don't watch it a ton. Right. And although, as I'm saying all this,

the movie I'm going to put number five, I don't watch a ton either, but it's P.S. I Love You. P.S. I Love You with Gerard Butler. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gerard Butler

and Hilary Swank. Yes. And it is... That's like a letter from a dead... He's dead. He's dead, and he sends her to Ireland

to be like... Brutal. And wants her to experience Ireland. Yes. I think it's Ireland. Maybe it's Scotland. Truly horrific. It's Ireland.

It's Ireland, but he's Scottish. Why don't they just do it in Scotland? It's like your accent. Is it Irish Ireland. Maybe it's Scotland. Truly horrific. It's Ireland. It's Ireland. He's Scottish. Why don't they just do it in Scotland? It's like your accent. Is it Irish? Is it Scottish? I don't know.

I can't tell. It's one of the two. Yeah, and all the notes are PS. I love you. It is... I'm actually tearing up right now just thinking about it. Next subject! I mean, some people

throw out the notebook and same sort of thing with the letters. I've never seen the notebook. The notebook is more of a good chick flick. It's definitely sad, but I had Homeward Bound on my list as well. There's the sad scene with Shadow. Click by Adam Sandler is a grossly emotional movie that you just don't expect to get from Adam Sandler.

I think what I'm learning is I largely avoid emotional movies. Smart man. I accidentally cry during them. Manchester by the Sea, where John just fucking knee slaps it up. That's a fucking funny movie. Not a sad movie. Marley and me with a movie about moving on through life. Never seen Marley and me.

Yeah. And that one I didn't subject myself to. And ladder 49 was another one that I wept in theaters. The only time I've ever cried in theaters. Ladder 49. I watched like after 9-11 in theaters with my buddy who lost his dad in 9-11. And I was crying more than him. He was always like stoic about everything.

He was just watching that movie, just eating it. And I was a couple of people down. I had, we went to as a whole big group and I had like the girls in our group, like giving me tissues in public, in public crying as a whole other fucking scene. This is,

this is a, isn't quite, uh, I didn't cry during this or anything like that. But when my, one of my best friends lost his mother and, um, me and another one of my best friends lost his mother and um me and another one

of our best friends drove up there to like console not console him but just be like you know like be with him until the wake

and all that stuff just you know like you don't I don't really go console it's like I'm good to have around when you don't want to think about it

right right I'll take your mind off it yeah yeah I'm not gonna be like you're gonna talk about it not the guy yeah yeah

I'm not the guy so it's actually the friend who we are is the guy I talk about we're a good tag team yeah yeah yeah but we were like let's get his mind off it yeah i'm not gonna talk about it not the guy yeah i'm not the guy but so it's actually the friend of who we are is the guy i talk about we're a good tag team yeah yeah yeah but we were like let's get his mind off let's go to the movies and we went to go see get rich or die trying and the mom dies right away opening scene they're burying his mom i was like well we fucked that one up certainly didn't get the mind off it there all right voicemails voicemails voicemails? Voicemails. Voicemails are brought to you by Miller Lite.

Let's hear from the people at Miller. Oh, well, hello there, kids. Welcome to Milwaukee, the great state of Miller Lite. I don't think I know exactly what a Milwaukee accent sounds like. Definitely not. I think I'm going between a little bit of Minnesota, maybe. Yeah, don't you know. Well, just the Great Lakes region, yeah. You're also dogging like this.

Yeah, don't know why. Don't know why, my friend, yeah. Just fucking. Don't you know, eh? Just think I'm just doing a little bit of melding, like the whole Canadian, little Great Lake, maybe anyone who's ever fucking played hockey for just a little bit. Yeah.

Just kind of that kind of acts as what we're doing here because those are the fucking good people those are the people i like those are the beer drinkers those are the fucking beer drinkers friend it's a little irish too those are you're gonna end up in the brogue in the end by the end of it i can tell yep but look here the point is that you know y'all are don't say y'all we don't say y'all in wisconsin now we're just going right down south because down south you drink your beers too but the point is what i'm trying to get to here is that is that you know covid times are probably a changing right we're probably getting back out there get with your friends have a couple pops yeah couple salty pops yeah

a couple couple two or a few right and then and you're gonna want to have a good pops yeah couple salty pops yeah a couple couple two or few right and then and you're gonna want to have a good beer a good beer to have to share good times the problem is uh you know you too many calories in those beers lots of calories in most of those beers you got your fuck friends showing up with their ipas and their flannel shirts and all that shit saying hey you gotta have one of these i got a fucking bare bottom on, bud. And I'm like, look it, Fred. I'm in here for the great tasters, the less fillings. That's what's for me. I want a nice 96 calorie.

No. What about the carbs? No, only 3.2, my guy. For what, per sip? Nah, per can. What? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either. 12 ounces, only 96 calories.

No, I'm just a fucking, I'm just a lonely woodsman. But these guys over here, the scientists, they know what they're doing. Right? You just have, you have a fucking, Miller Lite's the kind of beer you can drink in the morning with a fucking, with a nice pancake. And the afternoon with a turkey sandwich, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or you can have that on a fucking dinner with a big old steak, and you can sit around a fire, maybe an ice fishing.

You can sit around a fire ice fishing. Dangerous game, yeah. And you can sit around a fire ice fishing till the wee hours of the morning. That's how a great taste of less filling will hit you. Dangerous game, yeah. You want to do this. You want to get these fucking beauty beers.

You can get these over at millerlite.com slash KFC. That's M-I-L-L-E-R-L-I-T-E dot com slash KFC. Find out where they get delivered. Find out where they're selling near you. It's just the most scientifically sound. Matt, should I be irresponsible about it? Gavin, you fucking better not, or I'm going to come out of these woods with an ax

and cut your goddamn head off. Oh, Miller Lite. Great taste with only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. However, you and your friends are enjoying Miller time, you can have the original Lite beer delivered by going to millerlite.com forward slash KFC and find the delivery options near you. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Let's go, voicemails. What up, fights? Hey, Steve, Jackie, everybody but Nick. How many times do you guys think you've done something that has completely ruined a stranger's day or you just find home and just shit talk you because you cut them off.

You did something that just pissed them off. Thanks, guys. Well, we need to be, first of all, more specific about this because I have ruined a stranger's day every day for the last 10 years. Every single day for the last 10 years. Yeah. I have ruined someone's day. Which I kind of like.

I don't intentionally do it. Yeah, I don't get off on the like the hater stuff but i but when you praise it that way like the fact that there are people who hate us really don't like us having being successful they don't like us popping up on their feeds and in their on their social media and knowing that they go home with their day being a little worse kind Kind of like that. And I'm not even talking about, like, haters. I'm talking about, like, barstool fans have just hated something I did.

Yeah. Every single day. Yeah. For the last 10 years without question. I mean, there's just – it could be something as innocuous as the shirt I wore that day. Right, right. Exactly. But what about, like, something like your behavior? You know, a person that you've interacted with, run into.

I think that's very rare. I think I very, very rarely. Because for the same reason that I have, the same reason here. I'm trying to think how I'm trying to say this. Like here I have never, I'm trying to be as like fun and likable and funny as I can be some people just detest that

and like when I'm in public I'm trying to be as nice and funny and polite as I possibly can be shut the fuck up but like that I just feel like that's like can rub you the wrong way I just think that no I think that happens far less just with strangers in public. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, yeah.

Than it does with someone like an entertainer or whatever. Well, I was saying to these young bucks, like, kind of in certain ways, you'll hear me at my worst on podcasts. Because that's when I like, I treat this like my own therapy session. So, you know, we're here to talk about life. You know, as you get older, get older, crazy shit happens in life, so the things we're talking about is heavy sometimes, and I'm giving my opinions on them and all that. I'm kind of getting things off my chest, whatever it may be,

speaking about lightning rod-type topics, where it's like you're going to be on one side or the other, so you're guaranteed that 50% of people hate you. I do all that here and then off camera off mics just in my everyday life with friends and family i'm not like that at all right i'm just like chill i'm laid back i don't i don't i don't sometimes i don't even talk because i talk so much very rarely right so like so like the people that i run into he he said cut off like i probably piss people off with my driving that that probably does happen but like other than that I run into, he said cut off. Like I probably piss people off with my driving. That probably does happen. But like other than that, my interactions with like cashiers

and people at stores, I'm always like very laid back. I would bet with everyone. The only thing is road rage where I might like get a little bit like, no, that's my right of way. But everywhere else, I'm very much like, no, you go first. So I'll get that for you. Or hey, like what can I get you? You know, all that shit. So I think I'm actually pretty like, no, you go first. So I'll get that for you. Or hey, like, what can I get you? You know, all that shit.

So I think I'm actually pretty accommodating, God bless you, with my everyday life. Thank you. Yeah. I would bet with everyone I interact with, like, not on a daily basis, but like, if you were following me around and like, talk to a waitress after I went to a restaurant and you were like, did you know you went up to her and you're like, did you know that like just a shitload of people hate that guy?

Yeah. I agree. Agreed. That's why, why I do think the people that do like me online will always, if they want, if they're sending something nice, it's all the hate I get is public.

All the love you get is private. There are those people like DMing being like, Hey man, I just want to let you know, like I really like you. And they're sending something nice. So all the hate I get is public. All the love you get is private. There are always people, like, DMing, being like, hey, man, I just want to let you know I really like you. And they're all always like, I don't know why you get so much hate. Because the people who do recognize that about us are probably like, what don't you like about those guys? Like, they just, like, dick around and, like, fuck, you know what I mean? Like, there's nothing to hate, really, you know?

But the people who do hate us, like, fuck, are like, are like no well did you hear what they said about dr seuss and it's like but but if you i think if you it just depends on how you view us if you view us and you hate us i think i think if you like us you're probably like what's there to even hate i think oddly enough people don't like us i think i would think the the, people don't like us. I would think the reason people wouldn't like us, and this is going to sound crazy, especially considering your Twitter night last night, I don't think we're combative enough. You might want to speak for yourself on that one.

Yeah, I guess it's probably for me. Just for you. I saw, like, after we did our thing the other day. I'm for sure combative. Our, what do you call it? Our fucking trivia. The dozen. Yeah.

And I guess I got tweets that Kirk was like, I love fights. Or whatever he said. He's just like, he just doesn't give a fuck. It's actually really nice to see how little, like see someone care so little. And I was like, in my head, I didn't say this to anyone. I was just like, yeah. I'm not coming to work to fight. I want to come and maybe make a few people laugh and maybe say a few funny things.

And that's what my job is. And someone like Kirk, who is very, he has an opinion on every topic, that doesn't compute to him. Where it's like, what do you mean you don't have something to say? What do you mean you're not bothered by this? It's not that I don't care at all. So you don't care to speak on it. It just not like i like it's like like even like the dozen thing i think he's specifically referring to like the dozen like i would love to win it's also not gonna ruin my night that i lost the trivia game that i would have won nothing had i won he he he also i saw one of his tweets leading up to it he was like i am irrationally like

nervous or irrationally like dialed in on the dozen like he that's it's like there's something you can't you know he's a crazy person you can't like study for it you can't prepare for it just just go i'm either gonna know it or i'm not let's play like i don't think i can ever i don't think i'll ever be good at the dozen i i think that anything that comes from jeff d lowe's brain i'm not gonna know i think we're diametrically opposed as humans, where it's just like, if he picks a song, I'm not going to know it. If he picks a topic, I don't know.

Every single question on the dozen, I'm like, I don't know the answer. I have no idea. On the Instagram? The Instagram doesn't. Anytime I've been on it, anytime I've seen anything, I'm just like, I have no idea. I can't even begin to give you an answer. I think that's why I'm so quick to be like, oh, I don't know.

I don't know who won the 2011 Masters. Well, those kind of things I never know. Even if you ask me Mets questions, I don't remember who let off. I watched every single game that year. I don't know who. But name that tune. I'm like, it's a song that Jeff D. Lowe picked. I have no idea.

These things just do not compute. But yeah, I mean, as far as the combative, that's for sure just you. I mean, because I find myself in these situations where i simply have to speak up i mean the buffalo chicken thing yeah i mean this is fair that was pure insanity and i won't stand for it certain things i just cannot let go i went to a deli the other day i walk in i look at the case of. I see these like chicken cutlets that were kind of orange. There was chicken cutlets, and then there was like an orangish chicken cutlet. That usually to me is a buffalo chicken cutlet.

But I wasn't sure. It was shaped a little funny. It was not like the nicest of delis. But there's four delis I go to at home, one in each town nearby. All of them have a buffalo chicken cutlet, a buffalo chicken tender, a regular chicken cutlet, and then they put some sort of hot sauce on it for you, some variation of a buffalo chicken sandwich. So I said to the guys, do you do any sort of buffalo chicken here?

He said, yeah. I said, okay, I'll have that with some lettuce and some blue cheese, which also is important, by the way. Actually, I have an important question here. Did you say do you have any sort of buffalo chicken sandwich here i said i think i said do you have any kind of buffalo chicken he said yes i said i'll do a buffalo chicken sandwich and then it is it's crazy to give that but i will give a little credit where i think like to me like he was like it's any it's

there is it almost seems like it almost seemed like you're saying like any kind yeah well that's not i didn't say do you have like any i'll take any kind i was like do you have any kind of buffalo chicken here yes i'll take a sandwich with lettuce and blue cheese he comes back with the boar's head buffalo blazing chicken breast, which is just chicken cold cuts. With the thinnest little layer of a little bit of spice. It's not like injected into it. No, there's no buffalo flavor of that. Because, yeah, it's on the outside,

and then when you cut slivers of it, you just have the edge. In no world, in any city, in any deli, in any scenario, and that's why I also asked, too. Like, I recognize that not every deli, a lot of them, but not every deli is going to have some sort of buffalo chicken cutlet, tender, or finger, or whatever. But in no world is the default the sliced, cold-cut chicken.

No. And if that's the case, you have you have to say like i got this i got the the cut the cutlet thing yeah we got the sliced yeah the deli meat thing you have to tell me that because if you you know if you just google buffalo chicken sandwich every single picture is a patty or a cutlet or a tender or a finger because also who the fuck would get the deli meat with lettuce and blue cheese that's not like a deli meat sandwich that's like a cutlet sandwich that's true you're right if you get the the cold cut chicken you'd be like with lettuce tomato mayo or whatever there's no and and i i just tweeted that out being like hey from now on if

anybody ever says like buffalo chicken we can all agree nobody means the cold cut sliced chicken right and the amount of motherfuckers who i know we're just trying to just like they had to be just doing it to do it because i know if you say buffalo chicken nobody's thinking about the cold cut you're thinking about a wing or a boneless wing or a cutlet or a tender or a patty or something like that. But a buffalo chicken sandwich. The very last variation is the boar's head blazing chicken cut cold cut fucking assholes. It's fucking ass. That is there are very few things you can say on the internet and have 100

warm reception and like but that should be one of them that's one that should be one of just like no you're not saying get rid of that you're not saying murder anyone who's ever tasted it's actually fine if you know i would never be in the mood for that but it was my mom gets it sometimes like you know like i'll have i'll grab a slice out of the fridge. And you know what? If you want to say what you said where it's like, you know, I can see a scenario. The amount of people were like, of course they gave you the cold cut, you weirdo. It's like, no, no, no, no. Even if you somehow agree with them, there's no way I'm like on the other wrong end of the spectrum. Fuck you.

Even in the way I'm giving that little semblance of credit, I'm picturing you crawling into a store. I'll take whatever you've got. Do you have any sort of buffalo chicken? I got one for you. It's not the one you want, but I got one. Don't worry, I'll fix you up. And even then, I think you would say that. I think you would say that to the person.

So no. You're in a deli. Of course they gave you cold cuts. Like you, you only get cold cuts at a deli. I don't know. I thought maybe I was talking to people like not from around here, but then I noticed that they had like New Jersey in their name or their people being like, I'm from New York. Of course you got cold cuts.

Like what the fuck are you assholes talking about? And then I just, then I'm like, I have to stop. I have to stop. I'll do this all fucking well no because like you said this should be one where there's almost 100 agreement so i i have to speak see i can't stop i could have like gotten into that last night with the new beaver song or have you seen the music video no pull up the beaver music video. Because people would just be like, he's making good music again? And I was like, I could quote tweet this and make this all.

I'm like, he's not doing it. Yeah, I know. You're better at that than I am. I'm going to keep watching TV. I know. Some people don't like Bieber. That's okay. And they think it makes them a much better person because they don't like an upbeat song.

That's fine. You go listen to Guns N' Roses or whatever the hell makes you feel like a man. I'm one of the Biebers pretty good. So the Biebs. It's a lot. I don't think we did the whole thing here. So the Biebs is, he goes full GTA. Because he's got a cancer girlfriend.

Oh. He has this Asian girlfriend who gets cancer Okay Skip ahead a little bit So you see the doctor He's so lucky this is a great song Because this video sucks so bad He's reading about cancer He's learning about it

He's learning how many bills he's gonna have to pay Go ahead Decides I've gotta go rob a bank To pay for the bills We can pretty much play it from here on out Right before this He spray painted a toy gun. Okay.

And you see him in the garage thinking, like, what am I going to do? Goes all GTA, gets the motorcycle out. Bays Robin and Bacon in a $10,000 jacket. Now watch this. Watch this. Throws the helmet on. Knocks over the security guard. And goes juggernaut.

Boom! Wrapped in the glass! What is that? Just runs through a glass door. Also, Kevin, so far, you love it, don't you? I'm loving this. I need you to hold on. Yeah!

We all know what should be the word to say. We all make mistakes. Take my hand and hold on. Full GTA mode. This has to be from Grand Theft Auto, right? He has to be thinking about the video game while he did this, right? This is so good. He ends up getting shot by the cop in the stomach.

No, spoiler. This is a place not too far away. We all know I should be the one to say we all make mistakes. Yeah! So now he's led the cops all the way back to the hospital. They're chasing him on foot now. Like, where's he going to go? What's he going to do?

He's just going to get that cat to fucking a doctor. Now watch this. Watch this. Watch this. Ready? Jumps on her. On her. And the cops are just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.

And then it ends. It just jumps into bed with the cancer girl. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And the cops go, well, we'll do it. Hang on. The kids know someone with cancer? That's it. We can whoa, whoa. And the cops go, well, we can't The kids know someone with cancer? That's it. Never mind.

One of the best worst. It's so bad. I love it. I like the cop who's thought like, Johnson, what are you doing? Yeah, come on.

She's got cancer. She's got cancer. It was a fake gun. She's got cancer. Let the kid go. Let him have the 150K. It's all insured anyway. Unbelievable.

Let's do one more voicemail that that song is so fucking good it's that's that's that's the bieber i've been waiting for yeah and he's back well back for one song last voicemail brought to you by movement yeah bro fucking we're going california let's start just two bros down in southern cali, dude. Shit, man. Just a couple fucking Jackie County is what I call it. Fucking Southern California. She went double middles on you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

That was stupid. But listen, man. Right? It's fucking summer, dude. We're going to have to start going out. Right? Kevin doesn't wear sunglasses in the winter, dude. Not anymore.

It's almost sunglasses weather, bro. It's almost sunglass season, bro. And you know what you need to get is you got to have some fucking movements, dude. Dude, we just got, right? I was actually fucking, I was skating the other day, and I got an email, fucking phone blows up. What were some of the tricks you were doing while you were skating, bro? Oh, fucking dude, did a fucking Christ there, not a big deal.

What? Fucking, yeah. Fucking sack. What, right off the sidewalk? Right off the curb, Christ there? Fucking sack taps, bro. Oh, yeah, totally, bro. Did a fucking, doing fucking nollies into olliesies into fucking manuals, grinding all over the place.

And then got a fucking, I was trying to get the skate, you know, like around the park. Couldn't find the fucking E, dude. Couldn't find the fucking secret videotape. It was fucking hard, man. Luckily, someone got distracted. They were like, yo, Feidelberg, bro, you got an email, man. videotape it was fucking hard man luckily someone got distracted they're like they're like yo final break bro you got an email man and it was and it was sales and they were like they're like dude you need to pick out a new pair of sunglasses from movement this year i gotta send that email

i already picked it dude i got a fucking sick pair i'm'm going to pick my pair right now. And it was fucking hard because there were so many fucking so many just dope shades, dude. Bro, it does say, bro, when you log on, it does say California Modern Design, bro. It really does. I know how to do my fucking ad reads, bro. And I actually, I fucking sent back, this is a fucking true story, dude. About to fucking blow your mind.

Like that time we did shrooms at Joshua tree, dude. They're fucking there. I sent back so many fucking pairs of sunglasses. I wanted that. That fucking, they were like, dude, we're not going you gotta pick one like dude we're not going to the advertiser with this many sunglass requests i was like come on bro it's sunglass fucking season dude i'm trying how am i trying to find

that fucking e which is clearly like way up on some rail it's gonna be hard to reach i'm gonna have to look into the sun to get to and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be able to fucking get up there unless i got something blocking my shades blocking my eyes blocking me from dangerous uv rays while also making me fucking look cool bro when i'm down venice beach trying to scoop chicks uv rays bro not not fucking hell. Not chill. Oh, what if I, bro? What if I get these? What if I get these Rory Kramer vision shades?

It like the, the, the, the, the thing. Guess what, bro? Can't get those because I already got them. These are so dope. They're like Benjamin Franklin spectacles that also have the sunglasses that flip up. Fuck you. I'm getting them too, bro. We're both rocking the Rory Kramer's brow. They were like, dude, you can only pick one.

And I was like, I'm fucking obviously going with my dude Kramer. Gotta go, Rory. Totally, Rory. You're such a Rory, bro. And here's the deal, too. It's not just fucking sunglasses dude they got watches they got blue lights cause guess what else isn't

hell yeah guess what else is hell and not chill is what I'm trying to say here losing your vision fucking sucks dude how you gonna find the E without your vision man just can't be able to do it so get your fucking self get yourself

from fucking helllla sick shades. Get yourself some hella sick watches. Get yourself some hella sick blue lights. Get them all at Movement. Right? You're going to join the Movement right now. Get 15% off today. Guess what?

What? Free shipping, too, bro. Guess what? Free returns, too, bro. That is hella chill. That is hella chill. That's hella chill. That's not hella not chill. That's exactly what it is.

You can get that. Get 15% off, bro. Free shipping, free returns. You can get that by going to MVMT.com slash KFC. Again, that's MVMT.com slash KFC. Again, that's MVMT.com slash KFC. Elevate your look, bro. That's what you got to do. Elevate your look.

Elevate the game. Just like I fucking elevate when I do Christ Airs, dude. I'm doing the reveler. I'm doing the reveler. That's what I'm getting, by the way. You can have the Rory Kramers. Thanks, bro. How dark do we want to go?

Dark. Dark. I just said that. you can have the Rory Kramers thanks bro how dark we wanna go? dark hey guys okay so I'm wondering if this is the worst first date scenario ever so one of my guy friends in college decided to go on a date with this girl and they went hiking the girl brought her family

dog with them so they're hiking hiking they get like three miles into the hike and her family dog with them. So they're hiking, hiking. They get like three miles into the hike and the family dog flips and falls quite literally to its death down the mountain. So they have to hike three miles back down, get the dog, pull the 120-pound dog into the river and literally act like nothing ever happened. My guy friend never talked to this girl ever again obviously because how do you even recover from that so i'm wondering one would you talk to this

girl again two is this the worst scenario ever and three what is your possible worst date scenario if there's something better than this thanks guys i mean um okay so he went on a date with this girl it was just the two of them? Yeah. Well, it was three. It ended just the two of them. Shit. In case it wasn't on microphone beforehand.

Yeah, let's clarify. Nick said, how dark do you guys want to go? Obviously, our answer. Dark. Dark. Dark, bro. I didn't think it was gonna be dead my answer was hella dark um and i mean you go hiking and uh but i just figured like someone

died of cancer like easy easy yeah yeah i mean i'll make a fucking hot music video out of that bro but fucking but a dog dying jack Jackie's looking horrified right now. Could you imagine? I mean, I don't want to go, I don't want to really highlight the specifics here, but just imagine, like, I mean, just think about it literally. Like, you're walking along, right? And you're like, and, like, there's rocks, like, crumble, and he loses his footing and just.

I mean, that is insanely grim. And then you kind of look over, it's just like like those cartoons it was holy shit it was a cliff was it was it cliff or a mountainside that actually mountainside okay that actually makes it a little better what why i feel like that's worse yeah because now i'm picturing fucking, fuck, ah, fuck, I don't want to say it. Now I'm picturing Lone Survivor. Remember in Lone Survivor when they're just falling down the mountainside and just, like, hitting every tree and rock on the way down? I remember walking out of that movie being like,

I hope none of these family members ever see this movie, because that was hard on them. And this was a first date? First date, yeah. I mean, this is the, yeah, this is it. I mean, I've never heard of anything worse than this in my entire life oh this is insane i was wondering do you think it could be anything worse than fucking burying a dog on your first date and then yeah well then they got down to the river and they just threw it in the water funeral is that what they said yeah just

put in the room a little wash away i think they were so far into the hike they couldn't carry it was so heavy they couldn't bring it back dude this is the most gruesome thing okay so it was her dog right yes yes okay fuck that bro you need be a fucking marine man i think dogs and men are marines together yeah right we're marines in this world we're fucking at war with everyone else we only like each other right just like like we are everything else in this planet is enemies except men and dogs are on the same side and we are just like you can't leave your dog behind no you gotta fucking i don't care how long it is buck 20 we got people over in afghanistan over in iraq who are at fucking 50 pound ruck packs who are picking up their boys who weigh 250 with a 50 pound ruck pack. And they're like, bro, I'm getting you home.

Get that dog. You get your ass out there and you bring that fucking dog home. You gotta. You can't leave the dog there. I mean, Jesus. What are we talking about? You want to get real dark and complicated? I guess a worse first date would be you have to go get an abortion with her.

Honestly, no. Swear to God, no. Yeah, probably not. That's more medical. That happens. That's more medical. That's a procedure, and it's a thing, and it's not great, but I think if you gave the girl the choice,

like would you rather get an abortion with me and we just go to the clinic together, or your dog falls off a cliff and dies, and we have to bury it in a water. Yeah, you choose an abortion with me and we just go to the clinic together or your dog falls off a cliff and dies and we have to bury it in a water funeral? Yeah, you choose an abortion. I think, what if you're sitting there and you've done this water funeral and it's just so awful and you think

to yourself, oh my god, I would do anything to have to rewind time and fix this, right? And then it's like genie appears, right? And he's like, okay. We'll make a deal. We can undo this, but you've got to fall off the cliff.

I'm not going to make you sacrifice your life, because no one's going to do that. But what if you fall off the cliff, and it's like you Tom Segura that shit. Your bones sticking through your leg, and you break your arm and shit. And she knows,

she somehow knows that you sacrifice yourself. Oh, we got a lot of fucking factors in play here. Now I'm going to need to see a picture for starters of what, what you look like afterwards. Oh, what she looks like. She looks like currently.

What? That matters, bro. If she's hot, you're in. If she's really, really really fucking hot i'm definitely considering it absolutely if she's ugly you're not gonna save her dog if she's ugly i'm i'm far less likely to absolutely i don't even i'm not even making jokes here what about the bond

of man and dog now all of a sudden it's back to how good the pussy is and dude i didn't say i was gonna jump on a grenade for it. I said I was going to fucking carry it to a... You quite literally compared it to war. Yeah, but not the jumping on the grenade aspect. I'm saving it to add. All the other aspects of war. I've been getting you fucking home, dude.

So you're going to have a broken leg and a broken arm. You're going to save that dog's life. She's going to know that you saved the dog's life. And she's a 7.5 out of 10. I mean, that's all. I don't even know. Honestly, the number scale means nothing to me anymore. That's gotten so diluted.

What about if she's a... I'm trying to think of a good comparison for you. What if she looks like Aubrey Plaza? Too high? Swanda. What if she looks like Aubrey Plaza? Too high? Too high? Swan dive. Yeah. What if she looks like... I only know the girls you like really...

There are only like two girls you like. The rest are men because I think you're gay. Like a more astute... Like what if she looks like Ryan Reynolds? Swan dive, bro. What if... I'll be honest. I mean, I'm probably not jumping off, period. No, not for nothing.

I just, you know, I don't know if I can throw myself off a cliff and break my bones. I got shit to worry about back home, you know? Yeah, well, that's true. But, like, I don't. I'm good to go. But I'm also thinking, you know, again, if she knows and she tells the tale, like, let's say obviously you can't tell the story. You know how good I am to go?

I'm more prepared right now, this moment. To die? To die than I am to go to a club. Like, if I was given the option, like, club tonight or death. Take me out hesitation free

wouldn't even consider it Kevin wouldn't even think for a second you're laughing I wouldn't even think for half a second leave it there also I was just thinking about like the walk Leave it there. Leave it there with the wisdom. Also, I was just thinking about, like, the walk. Actually, can you go?

We're still going. We're still going. Okay. So we'll cut a little bit here. The walk back? The walk back is worse than the walk down. You're just like, where'd you go to high school? Right. You don't know anything about her.

So what's your middle name? Oh, is that Irish? Like, where'd you go to high school? Right. You don't know anything about her. So what's your middle name? Oh, is that Irish? Are your parents still alive, or did they fall off a cliff, too? Okay, that might be a good sign to end. The cuffs of your pants are just soaked. You're like, do you have a towel? I can't tell you. I'm really getting a blister.

This is the worst day ever. I got a mean blister. The worst day ever, man. I think it's bleeding. I think it popped. The band-aid. We got plantar fasciitis. It's really acting up here.

I've got some issues that nobody can see. And all of these emotions are pouring out of me. I bring them to the life it's only like this is the soundtrack to my life the soundtrack to my life to my life to my life

to my life to my life to my life to my life to my life to my life to my life to my life to my life Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.