KFC Radio - Josh Gad, Ricky Velez, Mr. Pees on His Knees, and A Hot Dad

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review. We kick off the episode recapping KFC and Feit's sleepover after Feits got locked out of his apartment. We decide we need to fix GPS, the firestick remote, and more. AITA Thursday includes consensual incest, hot dad getting nudes, and more. Voicemails include arousal girl callback, a man who pees on his knees, and who would win an oscar at Barstool? (01:21:54) Josh Gad joins the show to discuss his new show Central Park and new movie Artemis Fowl. We also discuss favorite movies of all time, Josh's role as Bear Claw on New Girl, being on the debate team growing up, taking a break from social media, and much more. (01:55:07) Ricky Velez joins the show. We talk about how he got involved in The King of Staten Island, his relationship with Pete Davidson, how it is becoming friends with comedy icons, his stand up, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I don't know. I don't know if I'm morally opposed to, like, consensual incest. This girl is like, I stumbled on... This is not the fucking path I wanted to go down today. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network, and we are back. For a day.

For just right now. But I kept thinking about all these things. What's it going to be like when we go back to sporting events and bars and all that? And in the beginning, I thought, like, the world's changed forever. And even with this, I was like, it's going to be weird when I'm back at this, like, wooden desk and we're sitting right here. It's going to feel normal. It's a little strange looking you in the eye yeah but luckily like last night we talked so i was getting used to talking to you face to face again but there's a little difference like looking in the eye it's so ridiculous that like you know we're like best friends and it's like

it's gonna be weird talking to you it's a little weird like just because it's like we haven't talked to you through a camera for so long you have have been this for fucking three or four months. It's not weird talking to you. It's weird looking at you. Now, the reason why we got a little FaceTime last night is because John is my third child, and this was another perfect example of it. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm fucked up, man. We have a minute or two. So I – me, Nick, Marty, and Dana are going to West Virginia tomorrow, today, as you listen to this. Doing a little something down there. And so I was coming down. It's a seven-hour drive from my apartment – from my house. So I was just knocking the drive in half. Half hour.

We had a few interviews this morning for you to come into the studio for them. And I decided to come to New York tonight. And I was going to go into my apartment because my roommates who have like kind of stopped in and left again and told me it's like christmas in there for me that there's just boxes on boxes on boxes for me i don't know what it is but i was excited to find out but wait so by the way they have do they peek in your room do we know what's peaked in my room we don't know damage no i'm so there's gonna be so anticlimactic if there's just like nothing there but i'm hoping that there's a whole ant colony i'm sure there's gonna be a rat is gonna have eaten the honey

materials has to like there's gonna be a nod hole in that box for sure uh aside from that we'll find out we will find out but the uh so i drove down last night and uh and before i left, my mother stopped me. I grabbed my shoulder. I said, do you have the keys? I said, yeah, you fucking idiot. Of course I have the keys. And I held them in my hand, and I walked out, got in the car, drove down 95 South for three and a half hours. I got to New York, realized the keys I had waived were the keys to the car

that I do not own. So my apartment keys were not connected to it. It's not, it's a fair, it's a trick question. I had my keys. I didn't have the keys. I had the keys. She didn't say, do you have the keys to your apartment? She said, do you have the keys? So of course I have the keys.

It's crazy. Why would I walk out to a car without the keys to the car? Not as crazy as driving to an apartment without having the keys to the apartment. I can't knock you too much because I lose my keys like five times a day i'm like any if i go anywhere i put them down they fall in my pocket whatever but that's you know i go to my parents house i can't find my apartment keys i don't know i'm hanging out there for a little longer when you drive four hours and then you're just like well now what it was but like i was never i started laughing the second oh yeah there's not because it was like and I was never, I started laughing the second. Oh yeah. There's not. Cause it was like,

and I called my dad, I called my house and my dad answered and I told him and he didn't share my laughter. I was going to say that's something like a dad is just like, you know, you're, you're, you're worthless.

I raised a moronic son. Yeah. And not only was he done, I share my laughter. He ended the phone call by saying, your mother's on a walk. I'm not going to tell her you can, if you want. I said i'm saying well fucking tell her it's hilarious my mom found it pretty funny my dad did not hear for it i uh and your super like didn't have a spare oh i super that's right i

called yvonne and uh i i first of all i didn't have my super's number i lived there for four years i didn't have his number so i had to call gaz to then text him his super's number and i called the super and i could hear like a bunch of kids running around in the background i know where he lives because he lives in the basement of our apartment building and there's like always like three scooters out in front of his their door so like he definitely has at least three kids right and i could hear all of them right on the background and uh i said yo man it's john and three fe as if he's ever heard my name or seen my face before. Could you let me in? And he goes, you never give me key!

And hung up. And I was like, yeah, I guess I probably would have had to give him a key at some point, wouldn't I? Although I don't think it's crazy to think that a super might have like a master set or some shit like that. Right, I think that dude has his, like, he didn't check. He didn't know. Like, maybe Gaz gave him a key.

Maybe Lou gave him key he's let someone into my apartment before to fix a pipe or some shit like that that dude was just like I don't want to do this that was just like I've been locked up

with three kids who just want to ride their goddamn fucking scooters for three months I'm not dealing with another bullshit kid so fights

tweets it out right away a couple of the barstool guys tweet offer up you know their their hospitality offer up some shelter which is a shout out to this company because that's why i like so i knew i'd be fine yeah i knew someone will take care of you yeah you can crash here but i got i get the call which is already it's not super rare we'll talk about like work we don't we don't like call to just like talk though So I thought maybe we were talking about interviews or something going on at work. And John goes, like, what's up? And I was like, nothing.

What's up? He's like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, boy. What does this mean? I thought there was going to be some surprise of some sort. Like, I got two tickets to, like, da-da-da. We're going to go. But he's just like, I need to play.

What did you say? Down to have a couch surfer? Come on down. So fights rolls up and he tells me I'm parked. I'm parked outside, but I'm going to do chicklets cut from the car. And I'm like, OK, I'm like, you have plenty of room up here. You have privacy, but do what you want to do. But I'm looking out the window and there's plenty of parking in front of my apartment you would have just parked like in front of you

it was hard for me to find the parking spot so i'm like i i'm like i don't know what kind of car john drives right now uh i don't think he's out there though but okay whatever he's going to do the show from from the car and then i get like a another call and he's like the numbers on the street are like not well lit like which one is yours and at this point it's true they aren't that is true but god bless the postman of mount vernon why is that not i couldn't see a single house i was walking up i was walking up to walkways and just looking at the door and that's not it walking back down but here's the thing i know i i flipped my outside light on for that reason and i was also standing out on on my street. And you're like, I can't find it. And you were saying you're at like certain numbers.

I was like, if you were at that number, you'd be at the dead end. And I'm like, I don't think you're anywhere close. So I go back into my text and I'm like, please, God, like I thought that I maybe had like typo and set the wrong address or the wrong town or something. And I look back. I'm like, no, this is correct. And I'm like, I don't think you're anywhere close. And then John yells. He goes, Kevin.vin and i was like i didn't hear that i i heard it through my phone i didn't hear it from you that was when my heart really sank i was like oh we are not close

and that's also when john said all right i'm hanging up on you like it was just like i'm too embarrassed by what's going on i will figure this out but i don't want to talk to you anymore can you drop a pin i said absolutely not yeah not. Yeah, can you drop a pin? I'll sleep on the street tonight before I drop a pin. I don't know where the fuck I am in your neighborhood. It was so good. I mean, he ended up just being like one block over. He was on the wrong street.

But I was like, what could possibly have gone on here? How do we not figure this out? But, you know, he finds it. And then he does a chicklets cup from Shay's bedroom floor. Did she do a chicklet's cup from the bedroom floor surrounded by toys, which was a blast? And then I slept on the couch. I figured you wanted to, but I was going to offer. It would be funny if you slept in Shay's bed last night.

It would have been. That's a little much. It was like, hey, where do you want to sleep? Couch. I had to sleep on the couch. But I woke up this morning on the couch, and this was very funny to me. Because I woke up, legs crossed. Like, I woke up like I was in a Lamaze class.

Okay. Right? Like, I was laying on the couch, and my legs were crossed. And I don't have very flexible groins, so my knees were up a bit. Yeah. And I basically was making a tent with the blanket. And I was like, the body is an amazing thing. Because just this past weekend, I passed out on the couch and woke up with an erection.

Yeah. Now that everyone's up. And my body was like, never again. Hashtag never again. And guess what? Full boner. Thank God had god thank god i rolled out there and you just had a fucking tent popped i would my guys this kid's like my dick man is crazy my dick is like my dick's like kobe bryant where like like like it would rather fucking put up 60 on the road than get booed at home. Like, my dick when I'm sleeping in someone else's apartment is like,

it's like, this is a contract year, bro. I'm going to show out right now. My dick at home is like, it's got a Rick DPH drug deal. It's like, fuck this thing. Just mailing it in. Your dick is in street clothes. You know what your dick is doing? He's doing load management when you're at home.

Like, we're just going to take a break here, and when you're on the road, it's time to fucking make the all-star team. Time to hit those contract incentives. My dick on the road is like a kid who got lost at Home Depot, and when you find him, you yell at him. He doesn't understand why you're yelling at him. He's like, I just wanted to look around. Even understand the danger of coming out there.

Oh, my God. I would have to imagine that is the first time the phrase, my dick is like a kid who gets lost at Home Depot, has ever been. I was just checking things out, man. Why are you so mad at me? Oh, man. Has ever been I was just checking things out man Why are you so mad at me Oh man I would have loved to just stumble out there And just snap some pictures of your fucking dick Luckily I had a weighted blanket

But fucking my weight dick Weighted blanket be damned I'll hold up this 15 pounder Try me Doubt me My weight dick's like a superhero with a school bus. Let's go! That weighted blanket,

that's like Jordan when he has a grudge. Oh, you think you're going to stop me with a weighted blanket? Now I'm putting up 60. Now we're going extra hard. I took that personally. I've had 100 pound women on me. I've had 150 pound women on me. You think 15? You think 15?

I got this shit easy. You fucked a 150-pound girl? Probably. I don't know. 150-pound's not that much. I feel like that is a lot for girls. Nah, I don't think so. I would say, yeah.

How high would you go? I don't do numbers, man. I don't do numbers. I just do that. Just do sights. How's it look? How's it feel? Woo! go i don't do i don't know i don't do numbers i don't do numbers i just do that just do sites coming in hot to say the fucking least on kfc radio as brought to you today by roman perfect you know you yeah you want to you want to have a dick so hard it can hold up a weighted blanket you want to have a dick that's on the road like a little kid lost at home depot you got to go to roman they've got the dick pills you want to grow your dick that's on the road like a little kid lost at Home Depot, you got to go to Roman. They've got the dick pills.

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Speaking of skincare, when I tweeted that picture of me who forgot his skis in the car last night, ladies were like, drop that skincare routine. Yeah yeah you got that supple skin bro a hard dick and supple skin ladies speaking of being in the car forgot to mention this gps gps uh gps needs needs some work you've just overhauled vacations let's overhaul gps. It's insane to me that GPSs will tell you to not get off a highway. Yep. They just, it's, they'll interrupt your song seven times, let's say, because it's in a mile, in a half mile, in a quarter mile, 200 feet. And then you have the next day straight for 48 more miles until we come to a fucking bend

in the road. And it's, it's, they interrupt you constantly to tell we come to a fucking bend in the road. They interrupt you constantly to tell you not to take exits. It's like every 30 miles. Here's a bend. Don't tell me not to take exits. If the road just shifts course a little bit, it's going to talk to you. I know

to stay on the highway. It says exit 7. Why would I take an exit 7? I'm on the fucking highway. You didn't say take exit 7. The GPS is like, don't get off exit 7. Don't get off exit 6. Don't get off exit 5. Think about it the roles are reversed. Instead of having directions, or instead of having this modern technology,

if we did it the old school way, where I'm sitting shotgun with a fucking not an AK, because that's not a shotgun, but whatever a fancy word for a shotgun is, I'm sitting shotgun with a sawed off. And I'm like protecting for wild boar and people with dysentery. And I'm like, hey, don't take this right. Don't take this.

Nope, not that left. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. No, straight here. Straight here. That's crazy. And by the way, before I tell all those warnings, I turn the music down. Ruin your favorite song. The chorus of Call Me Maybe is about to hit. I turn it down

and I say, don't turn here. I know, motherfucker. I know. You said we're on the street until fucking New York. So yeah, I figured I was going to stay on 95 South for a few more miles. The entire goddamn time. We're in Rhode Island. We're not even fucking close. Exit 7 wasn't pulled out of the sky.

They told me to bear right at Exit 7 in Woonsocket, or I forget what town it is. Maybe it's Kingston, but whatever. And I was like, yeah, I know. I wasn't going to go there. Yo, that trip is, by the way, it's like 400 miles on 995. It is the straightest shot I've ever done.

It is an absolute error. I was like, you do not need to tell me every single time to not. What happened there, right? I think my water jumped out at me. My water. Blashing out. I think my water jumped out at me. My water. Washing out. I think my water is still on my throat. I was like,

yup. Fix the GPS. Fix the Fire Stick app remote. I ranted about that. That thing is just. Here's the three things in the world that needs to be fixed. GPS. The Fire Stick remote app on your phone.

Is just. It's just, it feels like technology from like 1998. Like when we were on the edge of these things and it was like sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. But hey, like that's what happens. We're in the 90s. It's 2020 and I just can't, it just doesn't, it just decides not to work. Like, I don't know, 60% of the time. What's the third one?

Hulu. Oh, see, I don't know, 60% of the time. What's the third one? Hulu. Oh, see, I was— Have you talked about this yet? No, but I was debating whether or not my third one was going to be racism or Bluetooth. All right, four things. Five things. I was leaning towards Bluetooth. What about Bluetooth that you don't like? Bluetooth just doesn't work.

It's an imperfect. Same deal. It just doesn't work. I got my Bluetooth speakers, and it's just like I open it up, and sometimes they're available, and sometimes they're not. It's just like, what the fuck? It's not what the blue. AirPods work fine, but it's the connecting to an Alexa or something like that.

You're connecting to a car? Don't even try. No shot. Don't even give it a fucking shot. I never even considered that. If you don't have a USB with you, guess what? You're not playing the iPod in the car. You're listening to the radio.

That's it. It's fucking crazy. No shot. But what's the deal with Hulu? Oh, I mean, I know the deal, but what's yours? You know, the user interface is, and they might do this. I've heard some people say this. I don't know if it's true.

I've heard, like, if you pay more money, you get, you get like a better version so they might have intentionally made it trash for like the lowest level and that's bullshit yeah that's fucking like i can understand you need to offer i pay more good product and then you pay more for like extras you should not have to pay extra and again i don't even know that's true but some people told me that you should not have to pay extra for the very basics of streaming television. To get to episodes. Right. So when you, first of all, you come back, right?

You open it up. So we both pay for $7.99. So we both have. And I don't even pay for that. I'm freeloading. But I'm fine with the commercials. I like commercials. The commercials I like.

It's just everything else that needs to change. Yeah, right. The, the, you come back, you open it up. Like I've been watching Lost. Lost is there. And it says like, resume this episode. It's just not the right episode. It's it's episode.

Like I'm, I'm on 22 and it was saying I could resume like episode 21 or something, but I'm thinking, all right, whatever. I'll click that. And then there'll be an option to like, go to other episodes. And it's just not there. That, that, that resume is only that one choice and then if if you go to lost it doesn't like it won't even give you like the all you have to go like another place to find all the episodes so i gotta like go to like the fucking magnifying glass and type in

lost to find like the home page where i then can go to episodes and more rather than just having it right there because you know i'm binging it there's also a it's like like the like the thing for episodes just doesn't look like episodes it looks it's like a circle with an arrow yes like why would that be more and then it doesn't even say when you get over it it doesn't say more episodes it says go to details page what the fuck does that mean details i need to watch the show i'm just looking for episodes and finally it's something we've talked shit about for years netflix just took this beating with a smile on his face because god bless netflix but we made fun of the are you still watching for years and

guess what incredibly important yeah it is incredibly when you fall asleep and then you're 10 episodes later it's like fuck i can't remember which one i was on dude i i re-watched 30 rock recently finished the whole series. I might have watched five episodes. Because I just put it on when I got in bed, fell asleep, woke up, I paused it. You make up a whole new season, right? Yeah, an entirely new season for sure. That is a necessary evil. That's like something that, you know, it's like a hangover.

Like we need to have some check involved here, otherwise we can't be trusted. Right. Like the whole system's going to. It's like, I'm trying to think of something. It's much easier to hit yes than it is to be like, fuck, where did I fall asleep? Right. That was more of a...

It was always kind of like a shame thing, where it's like, stop shaming me, Netflix. No, no, no, this was a checks and balance. This was like a fail-safe, and Netflix figured it out. They're smarter than you. Dude, Netflix, I learned this yesterday, Netflix has a higher market cap, whatever the fuck that means, than Disney. Really?

They have a market cap of $153 million and Disney like $152 and change. That's big numbers. I don't know what market cap means. How about this? Here's another fun fact. What do you think the two most expensive or whatever valuable franchises in the world are? Franchise means everything. I think one's going to be a video game, right?

No. Fuck. Yes, yes. Yeah? Correction, yes. So what is it, like both then? It's everything. I mean, it's a franchise.

The franchises are everything. Star Wars? No, but Star Wars is up there, but no. Yeah. Neither of them are American. Fuck, give me one. One, number one, Pokemon. Right, okay.

Right, right. Number two is not, it's of the same vein but not a video game or anything like that. I think I know this and I know it's not, maybe not number two

but I know it's in the mix high up there. Isn't Winnie the Pooh really high? No, but it's a cartoon type deal. It's Hello Kitty. It's the Asians. Pokemon and Hello Kitty are the Asians. Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty.

But like, I understand the importance of cartoon and anime and whatnot in Asian cultures. But she's like, I just didn't know Hello Kitty had it like that. Pokemon didn't surprise me at all. Pokemon made perfect sense. So the top four. Pokemon. Hello Kitty. Winnie the Pooh.

Mickey Mouse. No shit. Pooh is fucking killing it. And I love that because you know what? Who deserves it more than Pooh? Yeah, I know. Like, who doesn't like Winnie the Pooh? You know what I mean?

Like, that guy fucking deserves it. Mickey Mouse sometimes kind of an asshole. Pokemon, Hello Kitty, they're a little off-putting. Pooh is just good, wholesome fun. I can't decide with Winnie the Pooh with the Pooh franchise if we were all bullies or all depressed with Eeyore. Was everyone like, ah, you sad idiot?

Yeah. Are you just born being mean to sad people? Yeah, I feel like I always found him... Like, ah, he's so fucking quiet. Yeah, right, right. This fucking guy just keeps to himself. What a fucking prick. Also, by the way, one of his body parts is

nailed to his ass. You ever go back and just think of the sad character in shows? Like, what was the one in Charlie Brown? Just like, Stinky? Pigpen? Stinky was a total guess, but yeah. Pigpen.

I just knew he had the fucking things over him. I figured he had an actual name. Pigpen. I just knew he had the fucking things over him. Yeah, like the dust cloud. I figured he had an actual name. It's Pigpen. That was like their homeless friend. There's one of your friends who's like, this dad doesn't have a job.

You're like, I don't know what's going on in that family. That was Pigpen. Just covered in filth and soot all the fucking time. So Winnie the Pooh is worth $75 billion. Pokemon's $92. Hello Kitty is $80. And Winnie the Pooh is worth $75 billion. Pokemon's $92. Hello Kitty is $80. And Winnie the Pooh is $75 million. And they have a breakdown of what the money makers are.

So $59 million of it is home entertainment. And $460 million belongs to merchandise. So it's just like motherfuckers are buying Winnie the Pooh dolls. And that's... How does that add up to $75 billion, though? We're a long way to go for... Oh, no, I'm sorry. Okay, so... Yeah, the merchandise is $74 billion.

The light green box office. So it's like box office and TV, and then 75 billion is fucking... Dude, that's crazy. Like, major motion pictures. Shred. Drop in the ocean. Shred.

I mean, how much... How do you sell more than, like, Mickey Mouse and shit? Mick Mouse? Mick Mouse? I love Mick Mouse. It's a New Go reference, Kevin. Yeah.

Like, I don't know where this is going. Let me just rattle off the other ones for curiosity's sake. Pokemon, Hello Kitty, Winnie the Pooh, Mickey Mouse. Star Wars, $65 billion. And Pan Man? More Japanese shit, $60 billion. Disney Princess. How about that?

Just Disney Princesses. So, like, Winnie the Pooh beats Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, da-da-da-da, all combined. Where is he so popular? I don't know. Because, like, Winnie the Pooh beats Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, da-da-da, all combined. Where is he so popular? I don't know. Because, like, I don't know. I've never walked into a house and seen a Mickey Mouse. What do you think? I've seen Mickey Mouse shit.

I mean, I've definitely seen it, but I... Is there, like, a region of the world where he's crazy? You know, like, Australia or some shit that they just, like... There's, like, 15 people who live in Australia. I mean, not Australia. I was just thinking of a very faraway place, but... I mean, probably China. Probably Asians.

I was going to say it must be India. Yeah, sure. That could be that too. Well, they're Asians too. We got to fix the racism problem. Star Wars and Pan Man, Disney Princesses, Mario. Some sort of comics I've never heard of. Harry Potter checking in at a paltry $30 billion.

I mean, Winnie the Pooh doubles up Harry and then some. The Marvel Cinematic Universe, $29 billion. Ashtray money to my man Pooh. Piglet. Piglet alone is worth $29 billion. Okay? Christ almighty, that's wild. I mean, you know, to put it all in perspective, like, Lord of the Rings, $19 billion.

James Bond, the whole fucking character, 19 billion. Big money out there, bro. We got to come up with that next. Oh, sure. A KFC radio, like a stuffed doll. It's on the list of things to do. Multi-billion dollar franchise. Stop dragging your feet, Buttleburg.

Fuck. We got a big show. We got two interviews today. We've got Josh Gad, who was one of the most professional interviews we've ever done. Not us, him. He was doing callbacks. He was doing jokes. He was doing serious talk.

He is a very funny dude and very Joel McHale-esque, the way he kind of roasted Weidelberg and went at him. So we got josh and then we got ricky velez on the show uh to continue pushing uh king of staten island which we are i think are like the two biggest fans on the planet love love movie of the year ricky is uh he's pete davidson's boy and has been doing comedy with him forever and i i saw uh ricky probably like at this point i mean kaylin was pregnant with Shay. I remember. So it was probably like 2014 ish. And this is back when Pete was like kind of cool with barstool. He invited us to a show and Ricky opened for him.

And I was like, this is the funniest fucking guy on the planet. I saw Ricky, but Ricky, holy shit. I saw Ricky open for Francis. I believe, I don't know.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to say it to his face. Cause I'm like 99% sure it was him. Right. Because the name rings a bell and it was – I think he was talking about doing cocaine off his baby's head. And it was – I was laughing so fucked up. Let's fact check that before we bring it up. He's like, what? You guys don't do cocaine Tuesdays?

I was dying. Great stuff. So we'll have those two interviews and we'll get to voicemails, of course. But first, it's Am I the Asshole Thursday. It's brought to you by 3Chi. So I got a box delivered to my house the other day, and I opened it up, and it was just a bunch of CBD. All different forms.

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So go to 3Chi.com, use promo code KFC, and get 5% off, and you can get on that legal THC Delta eight train and take that CBD treatment to the next level. All right. But before we get into, am I the asshole? Uh, we gotta, we gotta check back in with the real world.

Kind of, this is more funny than anything, but to just check back in on the whole police situation, by the way, RIP cops, the show. Oh, done,

done 33 seasons. They just said it's a wrap, which is kind of funny because the people who probably like really watching light cops are also probably the people who are on their side so they're probably up in fucking arms right but also if i was the cop i'd be like i have enough cameras thank you yeah well i'm surprised i can't look at anyone ever did that yeah apparently you ever watch live pd which is like cops but like live never really watched any of it they check in around the country like as shit's going on and i i read today that it was like it was like a

death like they killed they killed guy a guy on live pd once and it was like racially driven and shit oh boy i don't know how that fucking went under the radar but either way cracking down on on cops programming uh and uh one of the funnier things that we've seen come out of this whole goddamn tragedy was the austin police department trying to throw their hat into the social media game tweeting out a picture and a tweet saying how much support they're getting and they said look at all these thank you cards that we're getting from the public and first of all they also had a banner hung that said thank you for your support i was like who made that you guys made your own thanks for your support. I was like, who made that?

You guys made your own thanks for the support banner. And then it was just a pile of greeting cards that were all written by the same pen, written by the same hand, and said things like, no stamps. No addresses. No addresses. Because where it should have said the address, it said, you and like thanks for the support it looked like something you give to someone like on their wedding day or like you're just like here yeah like here's right i wasn't feeling this right here here but even then when you uh when you give a gift to the wedding what do you write you write the bride and groom's name on the front right right right don't write congrats like thank you

on the front like these guys one was all of it was the envelopes not the actual cards saying thank you and it was written in very obvious like calligraphy same exact font like the one just says you letter you are appreciated who you can't you can't put something that says you are appreciated in the mail and it ends up at the police station that That's not how it works. And let's say hypothetically, theoretically that these local citizens were all walking by and dropping them off by hand. They all decide to

use the front of the envelope as the place for the message. Like maybe one person, because I was thinking maybe I would write congrats like to Stoozy and Steve, like whatever. But everyone to write thank you and appreciate it on the fucking envelope. Well, you put, cause guess what?

There aren't many messages you can put in cards. I'm out. The inside of the card's blank now. Yeah. If you put it on the envelope, you can't put it in the fucking card. Like what? I'm going to say, oh fuck, I'm going to write a whole goddamn note inside. No, you write three words per card.

I burned them all on the front. I blew my load. I got nothing. The inside just says John now. Now it looks crazy. God bless the real sticklers of social media. It sucks when you're in the blender and they're coming after you. But I saw that tweet and I just didn't think to analyze it.

I just started using cards. And then people are like, look at no stamps. Look at the same handwriting. Look that nobody wrote anything. Everyone wrote something on the envelope. Look at they made their own banner. I mean, it was just like instantly got ripped apart by the public. It is very funny when you see old institutions finally get into social media because they don't know.

They don't get it. They're the same people who are like when McDonald's misspells a tweet or something like that. And they're like, fire the intern. There's the people who still think just like an intern runs social media. And this was just fucking Ricky O'Callaghan was like, hey, guys, I got an idea here. People don't like the cops. We're going to make it look like people like the cops. We're going to go trim my mustache real quick.

Then I got to plan for you fellas. Here's what we're going to gonna do Stevie, get your wife She does the calligraphy classes downtown Have your wife Have Susie just fucking doodle up A bunch of thank yous to us We're gonna do a picture We're gonna get a black cop, we're gonna get a white cop

We're gonna hang a sign that says thanks for your support Sex racism. Done. I think one of these cards should say why is the guy in my voice doing a New York accent when I'm in Austin, Texas? I don't understand it either. Seamless. Load right into it.

Yeehaw. I'm going to hop on my horse. I'm going to go get the envelopes. I'm going to come on back because I'm in Austin Police Department. I'm going to go get the county sheriff I'm going to go get the envelopes. I'm going to come on back because I'm in Austin Police Department. I'll go get the county sheriff and his wife. They got the fanciest handwriting in the world. She done gone to school until age 12. Oh, yeah.

That was a seamless transition. That was awesome. That was unbelievable. I was thinking it was thinking that i was like i'm gonna let him go yeah uh but uh like the fact that's where you know people don't know like the social like we we are like grizzled veterans where it's like you spill again how did that happen again it's jumped out again kids got a drinking problem um yeah you know we you put up a picture of like hey look at my sneakers and it's like well they're also gonna find like the dildo in the back dude they're gonna like tear your shit apart so you know people like us know that but those guys were just like yeah no people will just think it's greeting cards that were absolutely sent in by real people and then they will think that like the police department is well liked in this town i mean you

dumb fucking assholes so i'll tell you what it's incredibly brave incredibly brave to leave that tweet up i know that i'm impressed i'm impressed i know i'm surprised there wasn't like a follow-up like like the way they were like all the follow-ups have been like yeah that protester just tripped no no we had an initiative in our town where everyone was going to write thank you on the envelope and drop it off that's what it was It's a special thing that we do here. So, yes, more people can't get out of their own goddamn way, and the internet just being the best and the worst all at once,

all at the same time. All right, so let's get into it. It's Am I the Asshole Thursday. I'll start off here. This one was actually from Reddit Chips, which is just kind of like Am I the Asshole, but they don't just say the phrase Am I the Asshole. I, 28 male, found out that my girlfriend, 25 female, once had a threesome with her sister, and it creeps me out. I've been dating this girl I'll call Jess for over a year.

From the beginning, she was a great girl. We really clicked. So generally, things have been going great. But recently, I got a huge curveball. A couple weeks ago, we were hanging out with her sister, who I'll call Ann. I've hung out with Ann before, and she seems like a great girl who's actually very similar to her sister. Well, we were drinking quite a bit, and that night at one point Anne brought up a sexual encounter she had. While I'm not a prude, I really didn't feel comfortable talking about sex with my girlfriend's sister,

so I said, hey, let's steer this back to PG topics. At that point Anne kind of laughed and said it's not like she said, it's not like talking about sex is a big deal given all we've been through. I just thought that it meant they were sisters, but Jess had a weird look on her face, so I asked her what she meant. After some prodding, they basically admitted that three years ago when Jess was still in college, she brought home a guy one time

when Anne was visiting her, and they basically had an unplanned drunk threesome. My reaction was just, what the fuck? Both Anne and Jess seemed normal, maybe even slightly conservative, so the idea that they do this is batshit to me. I asked them if they regretted it, but they said, even though it was a mistake, they don't necessarily feel bad about it.

The booze was hitting us pretty badly. We called it a night. The problem is somehow the situation really bothers me. I know it sounds like a fantasy to some people, but I find it quite the opposite. I don't really know how to explain it. I suppose they did nothing wrong per se, but the idea very much weirds me out. I'm not really sure what advice I'm looking for, but I want an outside perspective.

Should I have another conversation with Jess? Am I making this a bigger deal than it should be? But I feel like I'll never be able to look at her the same way. I feel like we've gone down a pretty crazy dark path here on the internet where being a little uncomfortable by incest is like he's got to tiptoe around it. I'm sorry. Is this wrong? Am I going too far? The problem is it's incest.

The problem is you just fucked your sister. Yeah. That's the problem. You don't have to really explain that one. We should all know that. Maybe people can look at their top comments. Well, I guess they can't get like – not like you can't procreate. So is it even incest if there's no possible procreation?

Come on. Nobody's upset about the incest for the Down syndrome kids. We're worried it's fucking weird that you're like – well, okay. Let's go through it though because, you know, is there levels to this shit that you would find acceptable? Or is it just like any sort of, like if she was,

if they never touched each other, does that make a difference? Or is it just like you were doing a sexual act with your sister? No. Yeah. Remember there was, what was it? Was it,

was it playboy twins or something like that? Where it was like, I feel like there might even been like a wrestling sisters or something like that. This was on the blog ones. Remember Dave said it was hot and we were like, this is fucking creepy, but it was hot, I feel like they might even have been like a wrestling sisters or something like that. Do you remember? This was on the blog once. Remember Dave said it was hot? And we were like, this is fucking creepy. But it was hot at a time.

But when I was younger, it was hot. They were like Playboy sisters. I was like, I forget if they're Playboy or Hustlers or whatever. They probably weren't even real sisters. Spoiler alert. You ruined the plot! In pornography, they lie sometimes. But it was... I forget what avenue I found them on,

but they were definitely two sisters who would fuck each other. It's not like... Yeah, see that? And it was like, when I was like 12, I was like, let's go. I know, but even like Pornhub, they say step. They at least make it like, you know, wait, we're not totally fucking crazy.

And that's coming from the porn website. Even they make sure they specify, you know wait we're not totally fucking crazy and that's coming from the porn website even they make sure they specify you know it's not genetics i i definitely would have uh this would weird me out like i i think i think it would be but i think i would probably like i don't know if i'd be able to get over it i know i can't get over anything yeah well okay fine but would you like yes of course i just let everything sit inside and fester and don't do anything about it. Yeah, I'll shut the fuck up about it because what still bothers the hell out of me? So you would just keep dating her? Oh, no. No, no, no.

Okay, that's what I mean. No, no, no. Like, this would be a, like, I was talking to Rocky. Well, yeah, because I probably wouldn't break up with her. Well, right, but you would want to break up with her. I would want to break up with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would hate everything about it.

But so that, and that's just you being like, you like – we talk about nobody wants to go through the breakup. But for a normal person, a well-adjusted, emotionally secure, stable person, they would say, okay, this is done because I can't be with you. Yeah, I guess maybe – I might even pull the trigger here. I might even like – It's kind of harsh if it's like – it was like a one-time thing. It seemed like a mistake. They both are like, oh, that was crazy. But like, hey, the past is the past.

To be like, it's over. But I think I'd have to think it's over. If you fucking came to me and you're like, look, one night in college, I got really drunk and I fucking murdered this kid. And I feel really bad about it. And it's never going to happen again. But I don't know. The murder is going to be tough to get by. You maybe theoretically fingered your sister.

Just because you made a one-timeers thing that you feel bad about. It's a catastrophic one. That's not on me. That's not on me to forgive that. That's where he's like, you know, they didn't do anything. I don't know. Do you think incest is wrong? I mean, I know it's taboo and like, clip that shit!

Clip that shit! That's the intro. It's like gross, and I think it's like gross and I think it's like you shouldn't do it but is it like inherently wrong to you know fool around with I mean I think so but I

guess in this case if you're just like sisters of the same age where it's like if you were like a 17 year old sister grooming like a 2 year old sister and then waited until she was like 18 and then like hooked up I don't know if I'm I don't know if I'm morally opposed to consensual incest

this girl is like I stumbled home this is not the fucking path I wanted to go down today if a girl came home with a guy or boyfriend at night in college drunk and like the other sister's shit face and is just kind of like i don't know joins in or some shit is it like are these like bad

people we're talking about no i don't i don't think i wouldn't be like you're a bad person i'd be like you're a weird person and it was a weird one-time mistake and unfortunately i just i'm just gonna look at you and be like you fucked your sister your father says you fight your sister and so i i i don't think we can be together because of that. But I don't know if I would be like, you know, I'm better than you. You're wrong. I mean, they probably didn't hook up or anything. Because, like, I guess it's not that weird.

Because, like, if the roles were reversed, it was like, yeah, me and my brother tag team this chick. Like, people would be like, oh, that's cool, bro. Yeah. Not me, but there are people. Yeah, I was going to say, that would weird me out, too. But there's definitely people who think that's, like, yeah. Cool. I mean, that's, you know, a double standard.

I might be coming around on this. If it was like he was fucking me and my sister was sitting on his face. Like there's no – you're not touching any – nothing's really – you're not crossing streams there. But it is like, well, okay, but you were like looking at like your sister's asshole while she got her pussy eaten. That's fucking weird. But that's what I'm saying. Is there lines? If you kiss, if you touch, if you went down, there's a lot.

It can get worse. I think bare minimum, it's bad. And then it can get like, wow, you're fucked. Bare minimum, I'm still out. Yeah, but it can be. I think your justification for breaking up, I think that is going to be determined by what really happened. Because I could definitely break up with a girl, no problem, if I was like, you went down on your sister. You're gone.

That's it. And I would feel justified in doing so. If it was like, you know, like I said, we both were kind of hooking up in the same room. What if there was another guy? What if there were four people? And it was just like sisters had sex next to each other in dorm room bunk beds? No, that's not weird. Well, I mean, yeah, it's still weird.

It's weird, but okay. It's not like, what? You did what? It's just like, oh, I wish I didn't hear that. Okay, so what if now you take out the other guy. There's one dude, and they took turns. They never were even involved in the same. It was like, I sat over there. They never were even involved in the same. It was like I sat over there.

She was blowing him. She was done. It's going to be weird. It never is not going to be weird. There's no combination where I can be like, oh, all right. Okay. No big deal. It's always going to be like, what the fuck?

But if this was like the perfect girl otherwise, I mean, he's 28. She's 22. I don't know. If you were like thinking about marrying this girl uh what you know is that and it's it's one of these weird combinations that i guess is a gray area is it worth like pulling the whole plug on the whole thing probably it's always worth it if you're good if it's if it's like maybe we shouldn't pull the plug just pull it yeah it's like if you're even considering it it's gonna fester and it's gonna be bad, it's going to fester, and it's going to be bad eventually. It's... I don't know if you can say it's wrong. This is...

That's what I mean. It's a moral discussion. It's weird. It's taboo. So if we're not talking about my girlfriend here, if we're just talking about people in general, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Do whatever you want.

I don't give a shit. You can fuck a horse. I don't care. What the fuck you do in your bedroom, I don't give a shit fuck a horse i don't care what the fuck you do in your bedroom i don't give a fuck yeah do i want to date you for it or over it after it probably not right it's a personal choice it's like i don't you know you could be uh a girl could tell me she's got she's fucked a thousand guys that's all good like not for me i would probably that would keep me up at night yeah so that's just not for me same way uh fucking your sister just don't tell me if i

if you fuck that's okay you don't want to bring that to my table what if this guy was just like uh all right like we're gonna get through this but um i get to fuck your sister if you fuck your sister i get to fuck your sister oh you just spin that until you're like all right whenever now we have threesomes right but no i wouldn't want that i would have no desire what i think you guys took christmas pictures together yeah that's nuts i feel like i would have if you said you What I think is weird. I feel like you guys took Christmas pictures together. Yeah. That's nuts. I feel like I would have. If you said. You can't fuck anyone you regularly celebrate holidays with. Or like ever like.

And took a bath with. And like I'll date you after that. I feel like most girls. Most sisters would be like. Like wouldn't even like want to see. Like their sister naked or anything. You know what I mean? I feel like it was like.

Those are usually like separate worlds. I feel like. To then dive in. It's like. There's probably more at play here. I feel like it was like those are usually like separate worlds. I feel like to then dive in. It's like there's probably more at play here. I feel like I don't know if it could just be like a one time thing. I feel like this happens like almost for a reason. Like what? I don't know.

I just feel like there's probably more like psychological shit going on. If you're just down to fuck your sister, you know, like a drunk mistake is not incest. Yeah, I make drunk mistakes sometimes. I were in the wrong place. That's what I'm saying. Like a drunk mistake is not incest. Yeah, I make drunk mistakes sometimes. I order pizza to the wrong place. Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, oh, I was so wasted.

I did something stupid. I lost my keys. Oh, I was so dumb. I just ate her pussy. No. No. Out. Wrong.

All right. My am I the asshole? I'm trying to decide. Okay, I'm going to go with this one. Am I the asshole for selling my late husband's restaurant against his wishes? I was married to my husband for 13 years. We got married at 19, and my husband passed away a few

months ago. We didn't have children together. Married at 19? Yeah. Alright, already weird. I have a high-paying job as an attorney, and I'm currently moving to another state to start my own firm. My husband passed away four months ago. It wasn't a pretty end to our marriage, as I had found out that he was cheating on me with one of the waitresses working for his restaurant.

They'd been having an affair that went on for three years. He told me he didn't love me anymore and left me with her. He passed away due to sudden cardiac arrest after two weeks, two weeks after leaving our marital home. Oh, boy. We weren't legally separated. It wasn't official. Holy shit. As his wife, I inherited everything, including the restaurant weren't legally separated. It wasn't official. Holy shit.

As his wife, I inherited everything, including the restaurant, as he started the restaurant after we got married. My parents helped him financially, and I supported him after I got my first job. After finding out about his infidelity, I had no interest in keeping the restaurant. It was doing really well, but I needed a fresh start. My husband was emotionally attached to his restaurant. He had no shit. And wanted his kids to take over after he died. They didn't have kids.

Right. Yeah. Okay. He wanted to be a family enterprise. I didn't want any part of that. I made the decision to move to another state for better prospects and decided to sell the restaurant. Two days before I made the final move to sell it, his mistress showed up to my home begging

me not to sell the restaurant because she was pregnant. She wanted her- Holy shit. This goes deeper and deeper and deeper. She wanted her unborn child to take over the restaurant. She said the child was morally entitled to the restaurant as his unborn child. I simply asked her to leave and went ahead with my decision. Am I the asshole?

I don't think so at all. I don't think so even a little bit. You want this? You got to buy it from me. The mistress can buy it. Yeah, you can get it at auction. Or his family or somebody. You can shoot him a Gavin. You, you can get it at auction. Or his family or somebody. I'll fucking shoot him a Gavin.

You can buy grandma's house at auction, bitch. A thousand percent. I don't think – forget about the cheating and all that shit. If like I had a – it's not like it was a – it's a business to run. That's a fucking like job. You know what I mean? Right. If I was like I'm an attorney, you ran the restaurant.

She's a high-profile attorney. And now I have to run your restaurant? Like that's too much of a burden too much of a responsibility i'm gonna sell it and like get the money back i think that would be warranted and then especially if you find out it was like a deep affair where he's knocking up other girls and the and and the divorce was like fresh i i mean i think i think you're not the asshole here but i think for completely different reasons i think you're just i think you are the asshole if you expect people to follow your death wishes. Yeah, big time. Especially ones that are like, okay, so I have to now run this restaurant for the next, I don't know, 20 years before he's capable of being the manager of it?

He's an unborn fetus. We got a long time to go. What are we going to do with this restaurant for the next two decades while your son is being groomed to know how to fucking flip burgers? I think any death wish is fucking... Look, my hard finances. I give you X percent to this person, X percent to this person, to this person, to this person. That's it.

After that, do whatever the fuck you want. You want to sell my house? Sell my house. I don't give a shit. Anything that's uh like um a true like wish like like you just hope that this like this is a pie in the sky idea that you're gonna have this family-run business for your whole life if it's like a tangible thing like what do i do with the boat i don't know i'm probably gonna you know we're gonna sell it you but you cannot ask people to like take on on another career for something that your son may do.

We just talked about funeral moons, which are a great idea. That's the only wish. And even that, it's not a wish. It's like, hey, you guys should do this. It's a suggestion. I'd love for you guys to go have a friend weekend at my favorite place in the world. Here's a good idea. It's not like maintain the family estate for 17 years.

I mean this. Imagine that. Your parents are like, I want this home to be your children's home. I don't want to live there. Right. So fuck your wishes. Especially, yeah, she's like, I moved to another state. I mean, she has no way to run this restaurant anymore.

If you make death wishes like that, I don't know what they're actually called. They're definitely not called death wishes. I like that. A death wish is a total different phrase. You've got a death wish. It's something I wish for after I die. Nope. Nope. If you've got death wishes that at all burden the people you leave behind,

you're the biggest fucking asshole in the world. YTA. Yeah. I mean, and that to me is like uh you you can ask but that doesn't mean we're gonna do it right you know like okay we have taken that into account and we are gonna disregard that fuck off but council has spoken the house is for sale give me my cut bitch and if you want it to be a family thing then like you know i'm sure you've talked to like your parents about that or your brothers and sisters or your new mistress. Like then that's the family.

I'm not the family anymore. You're dead and we're divorced. And I don't even know how you could if you could legally do that. We're like, it's not allowed to sell. Okay, well, I'm not going to run it either. So and it's just going to come to the ground. Now you failed your business. Right.

Congratulations. You're dead and a failure at business. Right. We could either have some money. I could have some money after this or we can get nothing. Fuck off. Give me a break. Oh, I got one more, I think.

We got one more. Okay, good here. Dude, not the asshole is the top result. Am I the asshole for telling my daughter her friend sent me nudes? I'm a 37-year-old man. My daughter and her friend. Oh, I thought it was going to be a mom for some reason. It's a dad.

Oh, no, I thought it was a dad. Come on. I'm a 37-year-old man. My daughter and her friend, I'll call her Brooke, are both 19 mom for some reason it's a dad i thought it was a dad come on my i'm a 37 year old man my daughter and her friend i'll call her brooke are both 19 they met in college i've been friends for almost a year brooks brooks come over to her house too many times to count and she's never made me feel uncomfortable though she'd never explicitly flirted with me up until a couple days ago i could always tell she liked me but cut but because there was no proof that she never and she never made a move i just tried to ignore and keep my distance she seemed like a good kid never in a million years that i think she'd take any further than laughing a little harder than then laughing a little harder than necessary at my jokes the

other night i got three messages from a number not by the way do we have an age for these 19 okay uh the other day i got three messages from a number not in my contacts there was one sexually explicit text and two faceless nudes as i was looking at them and trying to figure out who they were i thought maybe an old hookup or something shout out dad yeah right i got a video that explicit text and two faceless nudes. As I was looking at them and trying to figure out who they were, I thought maybe an old hookup or something. Shout out dad. Yeah. Right.

I got a video that included Brooke's face. My heart dropped and I felt sick. As soon as I realized what was happening, I was freaked out and I impulsively ran to my daughter's room and told her she was freaked out too. And she asked me to see the pictures because she couldn't believe it. I know I shouldn't have shown her, but I did. It was an impulsive decision.

I asked her how Brooke got my number. She said, she said she had no idea. We still don't know. We think maybe she got it off my daughter's unattended phone my daughter told me she would never deal my daughter told me she would never deal with the situation i texted brooke please never contact me again blocked her number and left it at that the next day my daughter told me she'd confronted brooke and it caused a huge fight between them she said that instead of apologizing or explaining herself brooke had gotten extremely

mad at me for telling my daughter what happened. My daughter decided it was best to block Brooke and move on like I had. A few hours later, Brooke sent me an Instagram DM. We never followed each other. That said, please don't block me. I just want to talk to you. I blocked her anyway. About four hours after that, I got a long email from her on my work email address.

It's on my website, so I guess that's where she got it. The email is basically a five-paragraph guilt trip. it goes into detail about how embarrassed she is that i showed my daughter what was just meant for me she talks extensively about how you should give out you shouldn't give out private information and how if i wasn't interested i should have told her and kept her secret instead of going my daughter never once did she apologize or acknowledge how wrong it was for her to send me those messages she just tried to make me feel bad and honestly it's sort of sort of working i don't know I'm conflicted. I'm still disgusted and angry with her for doing that,

but I still feel bad. Because she's a confused, insecure kid with problems, and I shouldn't have... I should have kindly let her know that it was inappropriate and told her not to do it again instead of embarrassing her like I did. Am I the asshole? I feel kind of like maybe one. Okay. But also maybe I'm just too empathetic. Okay.

There's a lot here. I thought it was going to be a mom for some reason because I thought this was going to be like an accidental. Like, you know, they sent it to the wrong contact. This is just some straight up I'm trying to fuck your dadness right here. I feel like he probably is right. Like, he probably should have said, like, I'm not interested. This is inappropriate. Like, please never text me again. And hopefully that would have worked.

But also, I feel like this day and age, I would not be fucking around with, like, a young girl is texting me, and I don't want it to look like I'm engaging back in it. And saying that would have been like, this man clearly does not want this interest. But I think in this era, to just be like, block, block, block, is a...

It might be... Maybe it wasn't the best reaction, but I think it's era to just be like, block, block, block is a, you might, it might be, maybe it wasn't the best reaction, but I think it's a totally understandable one. I think it's the block is under, see, I'm, I'm a fucking, shout out me. I'm a fucking ride or die. Like you get on solicited nudes, you fucking close your eyes and you move on. Yeah. Well, that was the other option. I don't want to embarrass people.

Yeah. I just, I'd be like, boy. Wish I didn't see that. Don't appreciate, don't appreciate that. Yeah what? Yeah. I don't want to embarrass people. Yeah. I just – I'd be like, boy. Wish I didn't see that. Don't appreciate that. Yeah. But like I don't know. I don't want to – I don't want people to feel bad. I'll just be like, all right, fucking –

Because you got a – Gross vagina, whatever. I feel like you got to give it a chance where – I don't know what the circumstances were, but like I don't know. Maybe it was a bad drunk decision that night and like they're going to wake up in the morning and be like, oh my god, what have I done? And you just – you ignored it and everybody can's what i'm i'm king of it yeah king of you like i didn't even see that right don't know what you're talking about and i can

like i'll convince myself yeah yeah it's not gonna be awkward between us i don't know what you're talking about i never this never happened but i also feel like i think it's probably it was probably a bad idea uh if you want this to go away you know it didn't now now you she's chasing you down on emails and shit so like for the sake of like you know i want this to i want to nip this in the butt as best as i can i probably should have either ignored it or just said like hey i'm flattered but no thanks so i think your tactic may be like backfire a little bit but again i think it's understandable to just be like uh i don't know what the rules are like preposterous it's not i definitely don't know if i would show my daughter though but i don't know because i think i'd be like yo you know that girl you run with like

you probably should keep her like at arm's length because she's trying to fuck your dad that's not a good friend you know what i mean and if you were like yo i didn't even think about that part yeah hanging out with brooke why are you trying out i like her it's like just just listen me trust me like why dad uh because she wants to suck my dick, honey. Yeah, you'd have to tell her. Yeah. Maybe not show her, but you can. A dad being like, you can't hang out with this friend.

Right. Fuck that. I'd love this friend. I think I would have told her, but deleted it. So she's like, show me. And it's like, I'm sorry. I already deleted it. You'll have to ask Brooke.

And then Brooke would have denied it. And then you're the, guess what? You're the asshole. Then Dad's the asshole. Yeah. I think, yeah. I don't know. know this is like cover your ass it's just like you know could i see okay here's what it is this is this is a dad this guy's

thinking about his daughter he's not worried about brooke really he's like i what do i what do i need to do right here to make sure my like relationship with my daughter is okay i'm just gonna be honest with her that is probably the best bet for you and your daughter in like a mature situation all right what i i probably wouldn't do that i would i you know that's do as i say not as i do um last before we move on i mean do you think you liked it though without a doubt yeah do you think you like watched it a few times i don't know yeah yeah talk to it no i but like but that motherfucker's walking with a pep in his step, 37 years old. Getting my fucking 19-year-old daughter, sending news and shit.

39 years old, man. Girl's still sliding my Instagram DMs. I'm a fucking... Hell yeah. I don't even know what I do for a living, but I still got girls. Like, yeah, dude. That's going to make me feel... You got it.

That's going to make me feel good. It's... Poor daughter. I mean... You send me unsolicited dudes to be like i want to fuck you i'd be like word that i wouldn't fuck you but i'd be like okay like thank you but no uh that means you know maybe this is the first time he's gotten nudes but like that dude's like the hot dad and his daughter has heard it over and over and over again like i want your dad to fuck me

poor girl poor girl having a hot dad is tough. Sorry, Shay. Let's go on to voicemails. All right. Voicemails today are brought to you by Notion. Right now, you know, everyone's – their work situation is kind of crazy. And it's, you know, you got to find a way to make it work while you're working from home or when you're transitioning back to work. So you got to streamline everything and make it as easy as possible. Right now, you're going to have to – the know, the way, the way things are currently constructed, you got to have your documents, you got to have your calendars, you got to have your meetings,

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It's me, Arousal Girl, I guess. What a girl. Arousal girl, I guess. What a girl. First thing, my bad on the voicemail. I don't remember leaving that, and I'm pretty sure I was super fucked up. So I'm fucking annoying,

and that was the most obnoxious voicemail I've ever left in my life. So I'm really fucking sorry. Don't be sorry. Not at all. Like all of your hate, KFC. Yeah yeah it's fucking real it fucking sucks don't ask me how it i have no idea i have no idea how it starts like you turn like 31 and you're like just like hey have this fucking sex disorder that happened i have no idea and basically it's Fife said. It's just, it's insane.

I guess I'm a dude. I don't know. And I don't have any, like, shame about it. And I have no idea what I was fucking thinking calling because it's just so fucking, like, I'm an idiot. So, yeah, I don't, if you have questions, you can ask. I just, yeah, I want to have sex all the time. And after I have sex, I could just like keep going and going. And it doesn't, just doesn't stop.

Like you. Well, see, now I got it. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Isn't like, you know, it's a fucking nightmare. So again, sorry for the most obnoxious voicemail. It wasn't obnoxious at all. I cannot believe that. It was great material.

I'm personally offended that she thought that was annoying. It wasn't annoying. That was a great voicemail. Isn't this kind of... Did we act like we were annoyed? I thought we were kind of laughing about it. I was skeptical, but I'm not saying...

I think it's mental. That's all I'm saying. I don't think anything's wrong with your pussy. No, I believe in it. I believe that there is something wrong. I don't know. I think it's mental. That's all I'm saying. I don't think anything is wrong with your pussy. Oh, I believe – no, I believe in it. No, I believe that there is something wrong. Yeah. What, just like blood is constantly flowing to it or something? Huh? I just don't know what it could be.

I don't know. Every time you fuck – Like if your dick stays hard. If you've got to wring out your underpants every time you take them off, there's probably something wrong with your vagina. See, no. I think that's something wrong with your head. I don't think so.

Maybe it's mental. I think all girls, when she's like, I can just keep having sex, technically all girls can do that. They just are like, that's enough. Well, I think girls would dry up. Yeah, I mean, I guess after a while it would be physiological, but I'm saying there really is no... Look, I'm definitely at a group that's just like, look, I can't do this anymore.

All right, Mr. Fucking... Well, it wasn't out of pleasure. It was out of like, this is ridiculous. What are we doing here? saying there really is look i've definitely had to just be like look that's enough all right mr fucking well it wasn't out of pleasure it was out of like like it was ridiculous yeah what are you doing here wrap it up i i um i mean what what do you do like do you just like commit to a life of like the nymphomaniac life where it's just like alright well I just have to like find a guy or like a club like a sex club or something that just keeps going dude no you just fucking masturbate a lot yeah but she said that she was like it just doesn't that doesn't stop yeah

I know again that's your life now again I'm aware like the fucking wind hits me a certain way I'm like fuck alright but I'm you know walking down the street and the wind makes you dip a hard you're like, son of a bitch! I gotta jerk off now.

Fucking mother nature just tickled my taint and now I gotta go fucking masturbate because I caught a breeze. Like, that's an actual conversation I've had in my head before. The bar is so low. So I get it. Where it's like, you gotta be, I don't have time for this right now. Yeah, I can't. It's like you gotta be i don't have time for this yeah yeah i can't

it's like come on you're serious but i i don't know about you because i know you're a prolific masturbator like you'll just bang out double digits on a lazy sunday i reach i reach a limit where i'm like physically like my dick hurts and i don't want to do this anymore but a girl again theoretically you can just keep just down there all day long i gotta i gotta dick like fucking here we go again you got a dick like what i don't even know i got a dick like uh you know when a fucking you know when a fucking uh when an old man in the woods is carving a spoon. No! I don't know!

It's just been whittled down. He starts with a log and he ends with a spoon. There's all day in the back of the house, back of the shed, just... Your dick's like a crayon that just gets, you know, it starts out big with a point, and it just gets whittled down to a little fucking nub. Burnt sienna, dude. Holy Christ.

My dick is an old man. I don't know what's worse, a young boy in Home Depot or an old man in the woods. Either way. My dick is taking a lot of heat in this episode. A lot of heat. Poor dick catching ricochet shots. Now he's thinking, like, guess what? As soon as we get out of the studio, I'm going to get you a horny bitch.

If I had to give you the choice of you have to date this girl and please her or a girl who has, like, no sex drive and you never get to fuck, who are you going to pick? This girl. Yeah. For sure. What do you mean for sure? You don't like sex?

I thought you were going to pick the other side. Well, I like sex better than never sex. Do you? Because I think just, like, one episode ago you if if you told me i didn't have to have sex anymore ever again i would say okay i said i would survive i'd say i'm not a sex addict right right she would have to initiate right a lot of times but i i can i i'm i'm a prolific uh my dick my dick's like a drawbridge it can go up and down whenever the fuck I want it to. If you were like, yo, I'm horny, I'd be like, all right, let's have sex. Let's go.

Like, it's fine. But would you ever, would it like hit your ego if it was just like, she's just insatiable and it's like, you think you threw down and she's just like, I need more. I need more. Like when we used to joke about girls being like harder, harder. It's like, listen, this is as hard as it goes. I get it. But this is where I max out.

It wouldn't hurt my ego. I'd just be like, look, this is what you... Sucks for you. You can go elsewhere if you want, but this is the only kind of petroleum that this gas station serves. If you need diesel... What the fuck is that petroleum? If you need diesel,

you can take that ass down the road, but I got unlimited fucking regular. I got unleaded regular, octane 89. It costs 260 a gallon. If you need the good stuff, the supreme, the premium. I can keep this pump running all day. But if you need high octane shit, fucking I don't live here no more. All right.

Okay. How about if a girl, you're dating her, you love her, it's all good. And she's like, but I need to have sex with other people to keep this. Oh, don't be ridiculous. What am I? Come on. I'm not living in the future. I respect anyone who wants to do that,

but that's not where my mental capabilities are at. All right, ready? She is insatiable. It's getting to a point where your ego is hurt and she's like there's one way for me to to like be satisfied i have to fuck my sister no no get out of here you pervert you horny little incest slut get out of here next up what's up guys i have this kind of strange thing that i do and i'm gonna preface this story by saying i'm like kind of i'm a relatively tall guy i'm six four but drop the relative anytime i'm in someone else's home

like uh girl or but anytime i'm in someone else's home like uh girlfriend's parents or friend's parents or boss somewhere when i want to be like extra polite and super respectful i do this thing when i go to the bathroom where a lot of times the toilets are so small and so far away from me that I will get on my knees to pee to reduce the chance of spraying all over the place and making a big mess. I feel like that's kind of weird, but I don't know. It works. You feel like that's kind of weird? This is the most outlandish and preposterous voicemail we've ever gotten.

First of all, you're not tall enough for that. Yeah. You started playing it coy, and then you're like, also I'm the Jolly Green Giant. If Yao Ming gets down on his knees to piss, maybe. Even then, I'd be like, I don't know. That's pretty weird, too. Six foot four, you're not getting on your knees to piss. Toilets are not that small, unless you have some some gnome girlfriend and they live in a tiny house.

No. No. I'll tell you what I would do before I got on my knees to piss. Because we talked about this yesterday. Getting on your knees is fucking terrible. I can't kneel. I would spray the toilet and just clean it up before I got on my knees. I do that all the time.

Anyway, yeah. It's one of the more outrageous things that men do, at least the two men in this room. It's like I could bend over and pick it up and give myself a little bit of work, or I can delay that work by one single minute. Sit there. And sit there and miss the Miyagi-Otori. You know what it is? Because I firmly believe in never shooting yourself in the foot. I'm never going to snitch on myself.

I'm never going to confess to anything. If I can maybe potentially get away with it, I'm going to try. There's a chance that I just have a perfect game yeah it's a lottery ticket right we might hit we might make a million dollars right here and if i fuck it up then i'll then i'll deal with it but i'm not gonna preemptively bet against myself and my dick i got faith in my dick that i can hit the bowl so uh i i'm i'm on board with that i mean man the man, the other day I pissed not even all over my seat. I pissed like all over my toilet. You ever have a moment?

I don't know whether it's like the whole fucking thing. By the way, your toilet is impossible to flush. Yes. I thought I broke it twice. Yeah, you got to like really go all the way down. Yeah. I got in there like a plumber. I got in there like a plumber just pulled it like, I got in there by a good partner.

Just pulled it by the chain. Well, so the chain ripped recently and I was doing that every time I peed, I was just like pulling the chain and then I rigged it up with some PVC pipe, fucking Bob feel over here. But yeah, I should've told you,

you gotta like really slam that shit down. But I, I audibly said, Oh no, it was just pee. But I was like, Oh no, that's a great,

can't go over there guys. I was a break. It's toilet time. One. You ever, uh, that's great. Can't kill it with a grass house and break his toilet. Time one. You ever, like, when you start peeing, and maybe it's like if you jerked off or if there's some fucking lint in there or something. But you ever get like a burst when it first comes out? So my burst was like a fucking fire hose all of a sudden. And I mean, I hit like the backrest. It was just like, it went crazy on me.

My dick betrayed me on this one. I had to like wipe this shit down. It was just like, it went crazy on me. My dick betrayed me on this one. I had to like wipe this shit down. It was wild. It's hard out here to maneuver these fucking body parts, dude. You're telling me I sit on them all the time. But the, what's the question? Oh, yeah, also, hey dude, you know what I

did before I fucking got on my knees on a stranger's bathroom floor? I'd fucking sit on the toilet. Yeah. If you are so gargantuan at 6'4", by the way, I live with a 6'4 guy, doesn't get on his knees to piss. And the... I mean, seriously, like, you're 6'4",

your dick is, like, here. As opposed, as compared to here. I'm wearing new sneakers that are pretty fucking tall. I think I'm 6'4 in these sneakers. I've pissed three times since I got here. No problem whatsoever. It's fucking. You know what I thought he was going to say?

I thought, I don't know why my mind went here. I thought he was going to say he pissed in the tub. Like he just, the bowl's too small. I'm just going to pee on the shower floor right in the tub. And that would have been weird, but it would have been less weird. Could you imagine if someone walked in the bathroom? That's what I'm saying. And you were on your fucking knees.

It feels like you're doing this because you're a sick little freak and you want to get caught. Yeah. And you want to come out and be like, I'm too tall to fucking stand and piss. Do you think he does the fly or does he take his pants down? Does he have his pants around his ankles and then he's on his knees? Bro, how tall is the toilet? I got to figure out. Like, is it even possible for...

If I went on my knees, I think I'd have to angle it up. That's what I'm saying. You're barely... You're, like, laying your dick on the fucking... On the brim. Oh, that's gross. There's no way you're, like, powering over the toilet. Unless he's, like, 6'4 and just completely disproportionate.

Like, his legs are super long. So that when he's on... When he's... I don't know there's no real reason for it. There's none whatsoever none whatsoever. This might have to be the callback What the fuck is wrong with you? Sit down to pee if you're that concerned about where your fucking dick is gonna piss

Even that it's like it's a difference of one or two inches of height like you could be standing on like a rug or something or the toilet could be a little different you have definitely pissed in different size toilets and different heights when the when the seats up or down things unless you are nine foot four six foot four fuck out of here give me a break last voicemail of the day is oh that didn't need to hear that at all we're on camera now yeah

i would have suddenly picked that uh last voicemail of the day is brought to you by fight camp oh baby trying to get our fight camp on so uh we got a picture sent to us the other day saying this is our new sponsor and it was one of those uh it's not like a not a boxing not a boxing bag. What's it called when it doesn't hang from the ceiling, but it's from the bottom? Punchy thing. Punchy thing. So it's a punchy thing, and I think I'm going to fuck around with this. I'm absolutely going to fuck with this.

Out of all exercise stuff that I don't like to do, the one thing I'm really. Fighting is the fun one. I'm very envious. It's also exhausting. I know, it's a good workout, and not that I'm saying I'm going to punch this punchy thing and then become like a fucking MMA fighter. But I am jealous.

A lot of these comedians and the Joe Rogans of the world who can really handle themselves, I think it's fucking awesome. So I'm not going to become like some jujitsu guy. But I'm going to start to throw hands at this punchy thing in my apartment. And it's going to make me feel better about myself. I imagine this is called a standing punching bag. We will get the actual name for it so you can picture it. But you know what I'm talking about. It's a standing punching bag. We will get the actual name for it so you can picture it. But you know what I'm talking about. It's a punchy thing.

It comes with all the gear you need when you get down with fight camp. Yeah, I mean, it's a punching bag. It's a freestanding punching bag. Freestanding punching bag. It's a punching bag. It's got great boxing gloves, hand wraps, and punch. You want me to teach you how to wrap your hands? I'll teach you.

Yeah, please. I'd love to learn. Punch tracking sensors. So you can like, you know, like, like you can progress and get better and faster. You can have stats about how many punches you land and show between fight

camp and the tweet. Corey Gregory tweeted us today. Oh yeah. Where like someone's dropped 50 pounds or whatever it was since Corey, 30 pounds. And since Gregory's been on fitness, we're a fitness podcast, fitness,

but I don't want any fat listeners. Everyone's got to get a fight camp. We're going to fat camp. I want skinny people with weird genitals. That's our audience. I want a wood spoon of a pecker. This is a weird episode. Yo, I'm totally down with this.

When you think of fitness now, you think of Corey G, John Henry Feidelberg, Kevin Clancy. We're the number one feminist podcast, number one masculine podcast, number one fitness podcast in the fucking world. And Fight Camp is the latest to jump on board, jump on the wave. If you're new to boxing, they have a 12-week starter program. So that's what your boy will be doing. Feidelberg, he's got those heavy hands. He's ready to just jump into the expert level. Yeah, I promise you're going to catch him, too.

The Fight Camp workouts are for free. You download the Fight Camp app, and you can select your workout. They do high-intensity interval training, which I know you're already kind of on board with, and it's fun. It's cool for kids, younger, too. It's a fun one. It's not like a lame workout. There was one time i would kill to have this i need to get this right now because i was it's just kind of one of those quarantine days where just things are getting to you and i was sitting there with my family watching tv

this is a true story i haven't told anybody this oh boy and for a full hour i fantasized about getting up from my chair and throwing it through French door windows just because I was so angry and so mad and just so sick of that day. If I had a fight camp, guess what? We got all that energy. I didn't throw the thing through the French door. But just so we're clear, I wanted to really, really bad.

Fight camp. It'll help you control your irrational rage. Yeah, exactly. Which if I would. Yeah, if I would. I'd punch shit. I like punching shit. You know what I didn't realize too? I like punching that doesn't punch back even more yeah hey i'm gonna

win this fight every single time i did not realize i mean i realized that you know when you see a boxer or an mma person fight and throw hands that they are going to be quicker faster and more technical than you i don't think i realized just how awful you look until i saw that james winston video yeah jamesis Winston training, hitting the pads. Not that he's a professional boxer, but he is a professional athlete. He is a physical specimen. And he looked like

a grandma punching. So I'm thinking, wow, man, am I going to look during fight camp? I'll maybe show you a video of me after the 12-week program. Not a minute before. Because if Jameis Winston looks like that, I mean, I can't even imagine what I look like. That's the irrational self-confidence that I'd just love to have one day.

Because someone like Jameis Winston, he sees that. He saw it before he posted it. He posted it on his Instagram. It wasn't like the trainer took it. He was like, yup, nailed it. Well, he also, I believe the other day, just recently said he's statistically one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

Statistically speaking, he's got the same stats as Peyton Man's like statistically one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Statistically speaking, he's got the same stats as Peyton Manning from year one through year four, whatever. Did Peyton really go 30? He might have been 29, I think. All right. Well, maybe he's not. All right.

Then Jameis, wait and see. Obviously it's ridiculous because they're completely different eras and stuff like that. Right, right, right. But the side-by-side comparison of Jameis and Peyton through like the first four or five, whatever it's been, is pretty staggeringly similar. Wow. That's crazy.

Well, all right. Believe in Jameis and believe in KFC and Feidelberg as we learn how to fight using Fight Camp. You go to joinfightcamp.com slash KFC, and you can get 0% APR if you finance your Fight Camp kit. It's a limited-time offer. You can try it for 30 days if you finance your Fight Camp kit. It's a limited time offer. You can try it for 30 days with a money-back guarantee. So if you don't like it, you're not seeing results, you're not enjoying yourself, you don't think it's worth it, they will refund your money, no questions asked. Train like a fighter and turn your sweat into results.

Try Fight Camp for 30 days by going to joinfightcamp.com. Didn't you throw a chair through a window joinfightcamp.com. Yo probably knew. He was like, who's that weirdo? Who's that weirdo John Henry? Yo, Devin, John Henry, Nicholas, Brendan. Got to have Craig for you. But I've been watching Space Force, and Ben Schwartz just looks exactly like Rowan to me. I don't know. Every time I see him, I just instantly think of Rowan.

But it got me thinking. If you're a betting man, and let's say there's just one Barstool personality that's confirmed to win an Oscar, for sure going to win it. Probably not Rowan, because that actually could happen. I think he's actually probably a good actor. But anyway, who do you think it'd be? Thanks. Caleb.

What I was going to say is, too, Caleb and Rowan remind me very much of, they don't interact very often on the show, but Caleb reminds me of Andy Dwyer or Chris Pratt playing Andy Dwyer. And then Roan reminds me of, yeah, I see John Alfio too. Yeah. I mean, I think when Caleb gets cooking, whether it was the Terrell Owens video way back in the day or that one time with that professor.

Remember that? Remember that? Remember that? They were storm chasing and the professor like. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The awkward silence thing. I mean, he's got like, it's not like acting, but he's got the like theater, like timing and like sense down.

So I think it would be Caleb. I could see Dan winning an Oscar. I mean, you know, not literally, but like I can see him Dan winning an Oscar. I mean, not literally, but I could see him being an actor. I guess the Oscars talk because you have to do drama. So maybe because even – I think those guys would be funny as in a role acting. I don't know. You and Marty are pretty good in Making a Gambler. Thank you.

It's a completely ridiculous answer, but thank you. I was trying to think of drama people. don't know there's anybody i think i think caleb i think caleb's answer yeah i think i think caleb could do something like that if you if you wanted to he's giving these speeches about trying to become a pro golfer it's like this feels like some weird movie where like a happy gilmore type thing this guy's gonna become a pro golfer and like that when and i thought to myself you know caleb's an athletic dude and uh i mean i guess it's like james winston with the boxing but i was like he had like a slow motion video of himself about to golf and i was like is this motherfucker gonna like hit it right down the fairway is he gonna be good and it was like joint like he's yeah still like everybody else when it comes to the golf uh

the golf course so final final answer, Caleb. It's one of those ones I wish was a harder answer. I mean, I'm sure. I think everyone here is incredibly talented. Yeah. I came around on that. I used to think that, like, because I don't think myself is talented, but then Barstool grew to a point.

Like, I just think we talk and we're relatable and all that kind of shit. But now we've grown to a point where I think we have, like, comedic you know i mean kb and nick are fucking kb and nick the top five list if you could win an oscar for like weird kb and nick would be like meryl streep they'd have like a thousand of them those two thank god for nick like like like kb would have never like he needs like a foil he needs like the yin to his yang to be weird with otherwise he was just writing his weird blogs but to now have this guy to play off of and i'm gonna go with child soldiers that is if you haven't seen the anus a new a new untold story top fives which is funny because it did his mount rushmore's and we're

doing top fives and the chicago guys do the snake drafts and it's like every every show has a variation of this and they just completely mock it and they do it in such a fucking hysterical way so uh go check that out if you haven't seen it yet let's do our interviews for today uh we will begin with um josh gad so josh gad came by uh to talk about his new cartoon, Central Park, and we chop it up talking about Frozen and Book of Mormon and all the unbelievable things that he's done. National debate scholar. That's right. No one gets laid like a debater, I believe. Nobody.

What he said. The old adage. So one of our best interviews with one of our best interviewees we've ever had. So it's brought to you by Miller Lite. I think we're all friends now. I think Josh Gad likes us. I think Josh liked us a lot. So I feel like if you crack a Miller Lite with Josh Gad or your buddy, your friend, your father, your brother, your sister, whoever it may be, you know you're going to have a good time.

You know you're going to share some stories, have some laughs, and it brings you together. It's like, you know, you can just have a conversation, but if I said to you like, hey, let's go somewhere and talk, you'd be like, oh, what? Is somebody dead? If I'm like, let's go have a beer, you're like, okay. What we're really going to do is go talk. When you say let's go somewhere and talk,

in my head, I went, can I bring a beer? Exactly. So let's cut to the chase and bring along a Miller Lite. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's got 96 calories per 12 ounces, only 3.2 carbs. So it's healthy, as the Chicago boys call it. GTLF, great taste, less filling. It's the original beer, the original social media.

It's the original way to hang out, kick back with your buddies, your friends, and your loved ones. You can get it delivered right to your door right now if you're still stuck in quarantine. If you're lucky to be out, you can hit the bar, 25% capacity, but you can enjoy it with your friends. So Miller Lite, wherever you are, in whatever circumstance you're with, Miller Lite is the go-to beer to have a good time. So get yourself some Miller Lite, get it delivered to your door, to your door and celebrate responsibly. Josh Gad, let's talk to him. We got Josh Gad on KFC radio here. Uh, he's got a new show out before we get into Central Park though. I have to let you know, you're, you're way more important in my life than you realize, because I have a, a four, almost five-year-old daughter. And we have had Frozen on three and a half straight years now.

Maybe even more. That's about right. Yeah, that's about right. It's crazy how many times I've seen that. And obviously, you being Olaf had a huge part of that. So you have probably raised my daughter more than I have with the amount that you've been in front of her on Frozen all the time. I've probably raised your daughter more than I've raised my own at this point I'm grateful that at least somebody's getting a Josh Gadd upbringing

well I'm sure you get that all the time like kind of things like that I'm gonna be on the other end of the spectrum I've never seen it it. Never seen the film. All right. This interview is over. So one time we did an interview with Ice Cube and John had never seen the movie Friday. Yeah, I know. I know. And we and so I said to Ice Cube, John said to him, why don't you pitch me on why I should watch Friday? And Ice Cube said, I don't give a fuck if you watch this movie or not. So, can you give a pitch to John on Frozen?

Yeah, I wish I had said to John just now, I don't give a fuck if you've ever seen Frozen or not. Like, that actually feels like a really great way to answer somebody who's never seen such an innocent animated film. Don't get me wrong.

I've never gone out of my way. I've never been like, I'm not watching that movie. I just don't have kids, so it hasn't come up as often in my life. It's not a movie I don't want to see or anything like that. It's just... I get it. What's your favorite movie? My favorite movie ever? That's a great question.

I haven't updated my Facebook profile since probably 2008. I love that that's the only way to identify what your favorite movie is, is by updating your Facebook profile. I'm just trying to think of what I have on that. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. What I have on that is probably Seven. Oh, great movie. That's probably my number one.

I probably have seven. The Patriot and Van Wilder. I would guess my three movies on. Weird fucking list, dude. That is a weird list. I'll tell you right now. I'll answer for him. If it was like you got to go to

a deserted island and you only get one movie series, you would pick Fast and the Furious. The Fast and the Furious franchise. I don't even think Mel Gibson would choose the Patriot as the one to take with him. I don't know that there's another person who has that list of three films that represent their favorite films of all time. The Patriot was a movie that my dad and I would always watch on Christmas Eve before going to bed. I don't know why.

It has obviously no connection to Christmas. Was he training you for American battle? It could be Home Alone and A Christmas Story and Elf or any of the other Christmas movies. Insight into your relationship with your father. Come on, son. Sit by the fire as we watch this

Mel Gibson revolutionary war film. Where both his sons die. Where both his sons die. This is the part where the kid dies, son. Watch it and learn it. And he gives you a kiss on the forehead and you go, I hope this is what I get for Christmas this year.

Just like Pete Ledger's and he gives me a kiss on the forehead and you go I hope this is what I get for Christmas this year just to be pledged your safety I just wish we're still thinking about you you two are lost to battle I would also say though John I know this about him huge musical fan and so Central Park

is right up his alley I just finished episode one myself it's funny. It's got great tunes. And the cast that you got, holy shit, Josh. Yeah, it's pretty sick. Did you pick up the phone and call these people? Or is that like a studio that does that?

How do you get that many people? It's crazy. No, no studio. It was all me. I picked up the phone and my partner in crime on this show, Lauren Bouchard, who created Bob's Burgers as well, he said, you know, for Bob's, I cast a bunch of my friends. I wanted to work with people that I knew and I think we should do the same on this. So before we even had characters, he's like,

why don't you reach out to who you want to work with and let's go from there. And I said, if we're going to do a real, you know badass musical I want I want to cast the Avengers of musical theater so I reached out to Kristen Bell my co-star from a movie John's never seen before because he's a piece of shit um I reached out to uh two of my buddies from the uh brilliant show Hamilton um Tony Award winners uh Daveed Diggs and my college classmate Leslie Odom Jr. And yeah, and then I reached out To Catherine Hahn, Stanley Tucci, Titus Burgess Yeah. Is Daveed Diggs Burr?

No, Leslie Odom Is Burr. Daveed Was Thomas Jefferson and Lafayette Okay, he was the One voice when I was watching it I watched all three episodes this morning And he was the one voice I couldn't place I looked up his name i was like where is he from yeah so so leslie leslie is burr and hamilton uh i think one of the greatest vocalists of all time and

even when we were in college together i was like this guy is just unnaturally gifted uh and he's so they're all so brilliant on the show and Stanley Tucci as a small elderly woman is one of my favorite things that was one where so with the show the show started and uh you know after a few scenes I was like okay I gotta I gotta put a face I'm gonna eat my breakfast burrito as you're talking about can I eat my burger is that cool yeah let's do it I'm starving that's great news and I was I was looking up I went and I went to IMDB? Yeah. Let's do it. I'm starving. That's great news. And I was looking up. I went to IMDb, and I was looking at the cast, and I saw Stanley Tucci. And I was like, okay, I haven't heard his voice.

I know Stanley's voice. And when it came on with a short elderly woman looking through a telescope, I believe it's his first scene on, I was like, this is perfect. When he or she, the character, says, whales, they think they're so big. I was like, this is perfect. When he or she, the character says, whales, they think they're so big. I was getting stitches, man. That's such a great line.

It's really well. So how do you, you're like the creator. Are you writing this dialogue and the, like you write the music and the plot and everything? No.

So for the first episode, yes. Lauren, Nora Smith and I I wrote the very first episode and then sort of become, along with Lauren and Nora, the sort of like overseer of what's going on. And we have two brilliant showrunners, Sanjay and Halstead, who do the heavy lifting on the show as well as the most incredible composer lyricist that i've ever met uh primarily these two young ladies who i had met

doing um olaf's frozen adventure john olaf is a character in frozen and he goes on a frozen adventure in a short film that he does um and so i repeat myself with that one of my favorite movies wedding ringer so i'm not out on joshua i love the wedding ringer love it did you ever see did you ever see book of mormon i i saw the i saw the performance i saw it in the yeah i didn't see you i saw it i saw it live yeah I saw it when it came to Boston. You were already out. All right. So I got these composers, Kate Anderson and Elisa Samsel,

to do sort of the heavy lifting in the early episodes, along with this brilliant composer, Brent Knopf. And then we wanted it to be a real musical. And so we wanted it to have a diversity of sound. So we started reaching out to a bunch of incredible guest composers to come and add to the amazing spectrum of songs we had. So we got Sarah Borellis, Cyndi Lauper, Anthony Hamilton, Daveed Diggs actually writes a song, Rafael Casal, Amy Mann, the list goes on and on. And it's just been so amazing to, for the past two years, be working on something you're so passionate about

and see the fruits of your labor hit in such a big way. And, you know, frankly, it's a dark, awful, shitty world right now. And people are really, people are people are, are like writing me in droves about how much joy this show has given them. So that that's all you can hope for right now. There's something too about the, like the animated wave, I feel like is a big one right now. And you know, cartoons, it's just, it's easy. It's everybody can watch it young, old, you can make, you know, crazy shit happen because it's not bound by reality so it's uh it's true and and and i'm i feel like we're in sort of the the like second golden age of tv animation right now and i'm thrilled uh especially being such a massive fan of bob's burgers that i

get to play in that playground what would you say is the first like the like the simpsons wave back of the day yeah i think i think, I think that the whole Fox domination lineup was sort of the first wave of animation television that wasn't geared towards just kids, right? Like I grew up with the Flintstones. I grew up with Smurfs. I grew up with stuff that, sure, I could watch with my parents,

but it was primarily geared towards kids. And then all of a sudden you have these shows popping up in prim that, sure, I could watch with my parents, but it was primarily geared towards kids. And then all of a sudden you have these shows popping up in primetime, of course, led by The Simpsons, followed by Family Guy, Futurama. And then there's this whole new wave that is, I think, just breathtaking to watch. And obviously in that original list list you have to include South Park which is I think one of the greatest satires of all time what do you think it is about Kevin mentioned how you kind of don't have to work in reality what do you think it is that is bringing cartoons back again well I think it's a number of things I think some of the voices that are, you know, going over to the cartoon space are, they're brilliant voices, right? Like, you know, there is something about satire that I think is readily right for the

picking when it comes to animation. Like, it's just a great facilitator of, you know, those kinds of jokes and those kinds of social statements. You know, I think the hard part is, is you've had so many great shows, but also so many derivative shows. So it's amazing when a show like BoJack Horseman comes along or Rick and Morty that just breaks every conceit that you think, you know, and, and similarly, you know, big mouth on Netflix, which is another amazing show. And we really wanted to come into the space, not trying to be anything but ourselves,

because I think that that's the opportunity here is for everyone to have an individual voice. Do you find it's difficult to pitch like me myself i was i wasn't raised on cartoons i was raised on the patriot so i've always been a fucked up household you would have no idea bro how much time you got it's a deep dark one i always so i always kind of i always like fear cartoons a bit. Like, not fear, but it's just not something I've done. Were you raised by the Patriot and Razors? What happened in your home?

What did your dad say? You're not afraid of them. You just, like, if you, you know, there's a new show to binge, and it's a real show with actors, and a new show with cartoons, I feel like you'll lean towards the real show. I'd absolutely lean towards the real. So just cause that's what I use. Like I didn't watch the Simpsons. I didn't really do the animation domination. I was kind of just, I watched real shows and I, so that's what I lean towards now. And then it takes an extra push usually for me to watch a cartoon. And like I had with Nick, we interviewed Nick Kroll. I watched Big Mouth and I fell in love with it.

And then I watched Central Park because we're interviewing you, and I love it. And, I mean, it's cartoons and musicals. Perfect. But I'm wondering how you, like, if you think to pitch to someone like me who doesn't usually watch cartoons, are you like, there's enough people who want to watch? If I were to pitch it to you, I would say, look, your entire childhood was all about bloodshed and the loss of two Mel Gibson boys. And it's time for you to get some relief. It's time for you to find some joy. And that's why I

think animation, television animation is right for you. Your daddy can't hurt you anymore. You can't hurt you. You're safe now. It shows like Central Park. He's going to catch me watching it and make me do push-ups. What are you doing? We had a pact! We watch real TV in this house. None of this cartoon bullshit.

That's no deal or nothing! Are you, I mean, at this point between Beauty uh beauty and the beast frozen book mormon now this are you just full musical from here on out i hope not i do love a good musical and and you know because of my experience uh on the stage followed by you know, some of the great film opportunities I've had, like Frozen and Beauty and the Beast. I just love, I love the platform of what a musical can do, especially in times like these where the soul needs some heavy lifting. And so I wanted to bring that feeling to the television space, which I felt had sort of been neglected in that arena. But, you know, while I love a good musical, I still love everything else.

I love movies like The Patriot. So I want to, you know, mix it up and do a little of both. Can I tell you my favorite musical performance of yours? Yeah. Okay. It's Bearclaw. Bearclaw, you hit those notes i get stopped on the street for bear claw like an abnormal amount of time it's so weird that that fucking character that i did like twice i knew girl as a favor became like such a weird like people were like there should be a bear claw

spinoff i'm like no there should not that is not a thing the world needs people who like new girl who really love it i mean they would watch a spinoff of every single person that's ever appeared they are obsessed with that they're obsessed they're obsessed now new girl new girl was a really fun one it's um it it is one of those things where i i love kind of popping in and and you know being a part of a cultural zeitgeisty thing like i did in a modern family too and it's so funny how how the hardcore fans of those shows genuinely reward you by constantly, you know, reminding you that you did two episodes a long time. You could go on to win Tony's and Oscar. That will be the thing. Yep. A hundred percent. And listen,

you can't talk about spinoffs without talking a little, a little Disney plus with your, your beauty of the beast spinoff. Oh, but can't I? Oh, okay. Can't I? Especially if there are legal muzzles in place. Who got this? Who got this?

I feel like that's almost... Remember when there was the hullabaloo about the Verizon guy who went to Sprint? Verizon went to Sprint? I feel like you're kind of you're swimming in both waters here with apple and oh shit well to be fair my apple show is technically owned by disney who owns 20th century now so i when you trace that stuff back up the ladder they own everything they really do they really do this house that i'm in right now is actually owned by the

disney corporation uh it was part of the fox merger i don't know what you're getting which is crazy you might be i uh no i'm i'm very excited about uh about things i may or may not be working on right now uh that that may or may not relate to the characters of beauty and the beast but before even that i have a a movie coming out uh on friday uh june 12th on disney plus called artemis fowl that's pretty dope wow i feel like uh what's that about i feel like i we we talked about that right john so john hasn't talked about it john has been talking about the same movie for 20 years that he watches on Christmas. That's why I fell in love with Brian Reynolds. I was early on that train.

So Artemis Fowl is based on a series of books by a brilliant author, Owen Colford, sort of like the antithesis to Harry Potter. It's this criminal mastermind, 12-year-old, who basically is the smartest character in the books. And he manages to one-up not only every human he comes across, but also this underworld of mystical and magical creatures. It's an amazing tapestry of characters and a whole new world that people have never seen before. And it's directed by the brilliant Kenneth Branagh who did Thor who did um uh Cinderella who who has had arguably one

of the greatest acting careers ever and also who I teamed up with before Murder on the Orient Express now that was supposed to be a theater movie, right? And it switched to Disney Plus because of COVID? Yeah, so it was supposed to come out in August. No, in May on the big screen. And then this little pandemic happened. And so instead we're releasing it to Disney Plus, which I'm actually really grateful for because I'm a dad. I have two little girls. We need shit to watch right

now and having seen this movie i can't wait to watch it with them i also feel like i don't know the the the financial implications but like nowadays i feel like tv and binging and streaming services are almost like king in a way like i don't think it's like a like a lesser than to be like we're putting it on disney plus instead of the theater. Maybe again, maybe financially, but I think for viewers, it's like, fuck yeah, this is awesome. I completely agree. I mean, I, I'm going to be honest with you. I have watched way more on my TV,

given the circumstances at hand than I have in a theater over the last like two years. You know, I think it's a matter of convenience. It's a matter of, it's a matter of right now the world needing escapism and, and without the opportunity to go see movies in a communal space, you know, with the absorption of drive and movie theaters, I really do think that it's necessary to be able to share some of these things with all of us at home. Having said that, nobody loves the experience of going to the theater more than I do. Honestly, some of my greatest memories are seeing movies for

the first time in a movie theater. So I pray and I hope that eventually we can get back to that business because I miss it. Are those memories better than you winning national debate tournaments? Wow, we're going deep today. We did our research, motherfucker. You guys did your research. That is another thing that is just so strange to me that I will get stopped on the street for. People, I guess, there are tapes of me doing national speech and debate that exists and people watch them. It's like curriculum when they're learning what to do.

And so people come up to me and I'll be like, Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like other debate team kids are watching you. Like you're the Michael Jordan of debate to like learn. I would never compare myself to Michael Jordan of anything, but yes, they are for whatever reason watching me. And, and when I say debate, I don't mean like getting up and doing like policy and doing retorts. Um, there are different, uh, categories. So I did, I did what's called interpretation. So you, you take like 10, 10 minutes of something and you interpret it humorously, dramatically doing it with another person, which is called duo, or you write an original speech called an original oratory.

So I won in humorous interpretation and original oratory twice. And people watch those videos and they, I guess, learn from it. So that's a much different thing than I was thinking. I was thinking you argued actual policy. and I was thinking what I know of debate club, I learned from movies and things like that were kind of, you make someone take the opposite side. And then I was just thinking how awful it would be.

Like if you had to take the opposite side of like second amendment rights and you're sitting there on a high school state arguing that, and then like that comes back to bite you 30 years later. I never, I never did that. I never did that. I, I wish I had, I think it would have prepared me for the world of social media. It's a very valuable skill in the world right now. I wish I was on the debate team my whole life too. No kidding. I really think that,

that speech and debate couldn't be a better tool for so many kids to have. Because it just, it refines not only your thinking skills, but your critical thinking skills. And allows you to really have a competitive spirit in a way that challenges you. That I think makes you and prepares you for the real world. And you also get laid a ton, right? All the time. You know, the old saying, there is no old saying, actually. It's just a brand new saying that I'm coming up with.

But nobody gets laid as much as a debater. That old chestnut. The big Shapiro keeps saying. I do have a question. You mentioned social media, and I think you just did something very heroic. So one, I want to know how it went, and two, can you help me do it?

You took a couple days off. I did. You are a hero.'s like it's like first responders and josh how how long again not quite an accurate uh we don't make accurate descriptions here we yeah quite an accurate assessment of what i do but yeah but i think it's incredibly difficult i don't understand i would love to be able to do it. How did you delete the apps or just not use them? No, I did. I, I, I took, uh, I signed out, I logged out on my phone and, and you know, my, my whole,

um, my relationship with Twitter is based on my relationship with my phone. And, you know, I just found myself constantly scrolling and commenting. And it just felt like I was in a dark tunnel, especially last week. And I just needed oxygen. Like I needed to just breathe, you know, in the moment and, and not have to, um, not have to contend with people that I think get a thrill out of just being contrarian for the sake of being contrarian or just being fucking assholes. And like, I just, I just don't need to

give those people oxygen. Like I really don't, like, I don't need to fuel that bullshit fire. And, and, you know, what I try to do in my career, what I try to do in my life is I try to bring hope and joy to the world. I really do. Like sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. But I also think that I've got enough experience in my 39 years on this planet and enough insight to know right from wrong. And when I have to know right from wrong and when i have to debate right from wrong and the wrong just keeps thinking they're getting it right that's when i just break down and i'm like i can't do this i just like god bless you peace be with you i can't fucking be complicit in in stupidity but did you go for four days or so? Right. I was gone for about five. I was gone for

about five days. And, and, and, you know, probably if I didn't have, you know, you also have to remember my social media is, is a, is a platform for primarily for my business ventures. Like I, I need to communicate to my audience what it is that I am coming out and what it is I'm doing. And if I didn't have a movie coming out this week, I probably would have taken longer time away just because I do. I would recommend it to everyone. It's cathartic. It really is like you need that break for your mental health. See, I convince myself, I think like any addict that like if I stopped, it wouldn't change anything. So like it does. It does. It does. Well, it's just not natural. Well, I will say this, John, you're better than I am.

Like when I see someone saying stupid shit, I take the bait. I engage them every time because I just I fucking hate it. You're a little you're a little better about that. But it's just not natural. You throw mutes out? Yeah, big time mute. I throw mutes out yeah big time you i throw i throw mutes out all the time i i also used to philosophically not believe in blocks but i've been fucking blocking like mr miyagi lately like i just i am getting those up and out you're not uh because i'm i'm with you like i never like to block because i think it's like giving them ammo or sign a weakness but you just flip the switch and you like it now? I flip the switch because there's so much bullshit. There

are so many bots. There are so many people out there who are just like, I feel badly. I'm like, get a fucking job or a life. Why are you, if you don't agree with me, why are you taking so much time out of your life to constantly tell me you don't agree with me? Just are you taking so much time out of your life to constantly tell me you don't agree with me? Just don't look at what I'm telling you, if that's the case. And nobody loves a good critical debate more than I do. I love to be challenged. I love to learn. I love to hear different perspectives. What I hate is when people assume they're an expert in any given arena without any expertise. For instance, I have a real fucking problem with people coming on my platform and telling me why global warming doesn't exist because it's cold

outside for one day. Do your research, do your fucking research, and then we can have a critical debate um so you know that's sort of where i draw the line i i i will say i do think that we need to reassess our communal relationship with with social media platforms we were talking about it i do think it's gotten out of control like i think it's gotten out of control uh and I think it's gotten out of control. And I'm not saying about like, I'm not even talking about the dynamics of like politics or anything like that. I'm saying on a human level, I think less person to person interaction,

less conversation and more 180 character statements is not healthy for society. It's not a healthy dialogue. It's just, you can't have critical thinking in 180 characters or less. You just can't. And then when you have, like, when you could reply and you're like, I can give you the answer here, but it's long. I can't fit it into a 40 character, so you just don't reply.

And then they're like, oh, see, you're walking away. No one's ever had an argument on Twitter and walked away and been like that was productive it's just never no and i and i and i do think it's not coincidental that politics in general have gotten more and more toxic with the rise of social media like it should we used to be able to have common ground. We used to be able to actually walk across the aisle and have dialogue and have conversations. And even our politicians, I think, have gotten up the same disease we all have, which is we can no longer find common ground because you're either right or wrong. Cause that's all that this allows you to be right or wrong. Right? Like there is no middle ground. It's a it's at the same time, it can be a powerful tool for good, but I feel like we've just totally lost that. You know, it's like the good aspects are just getting drowned out by the negative.

I agree. I hope there will be an evolution. I really do. I hope. Why don't you get on TikTok, man? Just sing on TikTok. You'll be famous tomorrow. Oh shit. That's a great idea. I got on, I got on TikTok. I haven't, I did one post to just tell everybody I'm on TikTok, but I have not followed up just because there are people doing shit on TikTok that I don't understand that I need to figure out what is the use of TikTok for me because I really don't know. People have mastered it and I'm not one of those people

yet. Too late. Neither am I. Old dog, new tricks. You know what I mean? I know. I feel like my mother learning about Facebook for the first time. That's my relationship with that. We appreciate the time. Before we let you go with that. All right, man. Well, uh, we appreciate the time you got, um, Before we let you go real quick. What's your favorite movie?

My favorite movie. Uh, I'll give you three since you gave me three, I have, and I have two categories. I have like the movies I like to watch the most and then my favorite movies, which I think are like critically the best movies. So the best movies for me are Pulp Fiction, Citizen Kane, Godfather. My favorite movies. You want to talk about that one, huh? Yeah.

Just taking the one seeds all the way to the finals. Well, they're just, they're perfect films, right? They're just perfect films. My favorite films, like the movies that I go back to the most, are probably Back to the future uh the goonies and uh i would i would probably say ghostbusters those three are the ones that i like grew up with revisited over and over again and and uh if you watch my new uh youtube series uh reunited apart you can actually see me reunite all three of those casts wow that's a pro plug that's good

by the way did you see uh the bill and ted trailer dropped today holy shit did i and i got goosebumps i cannot wait uh i love excellent adventure and bogus journey i'm so excited about this is just like the greatest person to ever walk the fucking earth. Ever, ever. The world needs that right now. One last question. Can you confirm or deny that Frozen was titled Frozen so that when you Google

Disney Frozen, Walt Disney's head doesn't pop up and the movie pops up? That is the most batshit crazy question I've ever gotten. Think about it. Think about it. before your movie anyone google disney frozen i've never heard this that makes sense i've never heard this theory i'm gonna do i'm gonna do a deep dive now and we'll debate and we'll debate

it over twitter thank you so much for the time. We really appreciate it. Everyone go watch Central Park and Artemis Fowl. And you're welcome on our show anytime, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Thank you so much. Have a good one. You too. When Josh Gad used the word bloodshed, it was the best vocabulary choice I've ever heard. He was doing it so well.

Your movies are focused on bloodshed. It was so weird. And I know why we did that. The Patriot thing. It's because the first rated R movie I got and it was for Christmas. And then I was like, probably, I don't know. I want to say that came out in 97. So I was probably like

Really? Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I was probably like 8. And I got it for christmas and my dad was like hey look what i got you and i was like hell yeah let's go home and watch that so we left my grandfather's house and went home watch the patriot fell asleep and then next year he's like my dad's always like like a routine now like or like uh he's always just like someone like he's like me where he's like i've had enough of the party and let's go yeah let's get out of here and he always knew he could come to me yeah he'd be like hey you wanna get the fuck out of here yeah and so he's like hey you wanna watch the patriot

and then it just we just started watching the patriot all the time it's a great tradition it's just a funny movie to be the tradition uh all right so now let's talk to ricky velez who is a new york city comedian friends with uh pete davidson was uh in king of staten island which is our favorite movie ever and we learned uh in this interview that Ricky actually had a much bigger role right alongside with Judd Apatow in producing this thing. And he's just one of the nicest, most gracious guys. And if you get a chance to see him live, go do it because he is electric on stage. So Ricky Velez just talking about hanging out with his buddy on set with a new great movie. Let's hear it.

Hello. What's hear it. Hello? What's up, Ricky? How you doing, man? How you are? Can you guys see me? No. There he is. What up, bud? Great hat. I got the same one for the Bronx. I love that look, man. Dude, this company,

is it the Hood Hat Company? Yes, sir. Awesome. They made us King of of shit, man. Awesome. How you doing, dude? They made us King of Staten Island hats and shit. It was tight. What's that? They made us King of Staten Island hats.

Dope. Very cool. Yeah. You're talking to probably like the two biggest King of Staten Island fans on the planet. We got the streamer a couple weeks ago when we talked to Bill Burr. I'm a fan of the show. I watch, man. I know.

It was – I mean that movie is fucking awesome, dude. We love it. it dude thank you so much it was it was the coolest experience i've ever had really doing this job and it's it's been great the response has been fucking crazy well i think even even even bill who i feel like bill does everything like yeah we'll see what happens you know like he's like very like low-key with everything he's like yeah i got a good feeling about this. This one's going to be fucking big. It's I honestly think it's like the movie of the year. I haven't I haven't seen a ton of movies this year.

It's by far my favorite one. I will be shocked if there's a movie I like more this year than King of Staten Island. It's funny that you say the bill thing like he's like confident. That wasn't always the case. He's like, I've done a few of these. They can. That's very good exactly like that was a fucking spot on but we have one of the movie guys we see uh we follow he was tweeting yesterday i think i think he just saw a screener being like the movie's awesome and he's like and also if bill if bill burr decides he wants to leave comedy

become an actor like oh yeah i know it's a thing it's gonna be a thing it's gonna be great i think what i love the most uh and i actually i don't i don't think i realized you were in it until i saw you in it but like that first scene where i think you guys are all fucking around in the basement and i was like this is literally just friends and you happen to press record you know what i mean like you could and i don't know i mean obviously you know pete um is everybody in that crew like friends or was or some of them just actors because it felt like You know what I mean? And I don't know. I mean, obviously, you know Pete. Is everybody in that crew like friends or are some of them just actors? Because it felt like you all had like incredible chemistry. There was a bunch of friends on set the whole time, which was great.

Because like our boys were just like housing the craft services. Is that stressful? Because I'll tell you what, when my friends come to like a barstool thing, the whole night I'm just stressed out. Like, dude, don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Okay? I just just would be like stay away from judd yeah it's basically like stay away from day that's what's wild because it's like you know you and bill's so cool and rest that that it was just such a fun environment and i think that's what judd does best is he makes the environment so fun that you feel like you can be as creative as you

want and that's definitely like that first scene you see us all in like that's what was really happening down was that um was there any like ad-libbing going on or was that all scripted oh yeah so you usually just run the first you run the scene how it's written originally and then you get like a couple more tries to do whatever you want and when they give me that green light i was like oh i'm gonna go off here i'm gonna go i mean it's no it's nothing new because pete has done this so much in his in his in his act but when you guys all start like talking about how his father died and then you all end up just like busting his balls and laughing it's so he's like yeah it's funny it's funny but that's that it's so goddamn good man it was hilarious yeah that was uh that that

one that one was actually off the cuff and judd said to me after he goes that's either going to be the best joke or the worst joke of the movie i'm happy definitely awesome man uh was that was this like i would imagine like your biggest movie experience so far yeah absolutely man um i had done i was on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore for a few years and then I made my own thing that didn't go to air. And then I was just like, just doing standup traveling. I was on the road with Aziz and Mulaney and Pete.

So I was staying very busy. And then- Yeah, that's a pretty good fucking crew right there, huh? Oh, those little homies, man. Aziz, my guy, dude. What did Pete fucking crew right there, huh? Those little homies, man. My guy, dude. What do Pete and John talk about? Pardon? What do Pete and John talk about?

John is awesome, man. He's just one of us. John is so fun, dude. Well, I guess I forgot that he was an alcoholic in high school, right? But he's so buttoned up that when you see them together, it's just two very different people. People always think he's a clean comic. People always think he's a buttoned up that i just like when you see them together it's just it's people always think he's a clean comic people always think he's a clean comic and it's like no he just wears a suit right right he dresses up that's it was there a time when he was clean i remember in in his new one is it kid gorgeous the newest one i forget but like he's dropping fucks a not a lot but

more noticeably like i don't like new in, I don't remember him saying fuck or anything like that. But the one at Radio City, I was like, oh, he's hitting fuck hard this time. John's the man, dude. I feel smarter just hanging out with him. I feel smarter just looking at him. I was just telling him, I came to, I think it was Caroline's. I saw Pete. Pete was friendly with Barstool for a little bit.

He invited us to a show, and you were on stage that night. And I swear to God, man, I remember thinking like this is the funniest motherfucker I've ever seen in my life. You absolutely slayed. Thank you so much. That's fucking dope. You are something special on stage, and I feel like it's – I don't know if it's like a New York thing or you're a city guy or whatever, but it was just like I get this guy. I understand what the fuck he's talking about. Man, stand-up has given me everything, and it's really crazy because I started when I was young.

I did theater for so long, so I wanted to act for so long. But when I – I was like I'm going to do stand-up, and I kind of pushed acting to the side, and then Larry Wilmore saw me, so I got the show. Then Judd saw me, so I got the movie. So it's just like it's opened up so much more shit for me, which has been amazing. Let's hang on to that Judd Apatow. Let's ride that wave, bro. That guy's a man, dude. I mean his roster, his resume, it's literally a joke when you see how many movies he either produced or

directed or wrote or whatever it's comical it's he's he's and the other thing is he's like just the nicest guy in the world which is sick like he's just easy to be around um he fucking did me huge style he made me a producer on the movie and i basically shadowed him through the whole entire movie wow yeah that's fucking dope so yeah dude i was sitting at home i gotta i'm sitting in bed with my wife and the next thing you know i get a call from judd and he's like hey will you come punch up the script and be on set every day and like i rode in and out of the city every day with the judd to go to work and that should be a movie like like that that spread that right there is a fascinating script like shadowing a guy like that wow what do you think the most important he's like a friend he's a friend like he's somebody like i wake up and there's just

text from judd i'm like did you okay here's the thing did you have him in your phone at first as judd apatow and then take it to take and then take Judd out when you became friends? I don't save people's number. What does that mean? I don't save people's numbers, so God forbid my phone gets lost, you don't know who I was having that text with.

So if I open your messages, it's just a string of numbers? Basically, yeah. I actually just doubled up on the phones i mean that's actually that's pretty smart it's very smart protecting your friends but also if you need to text someone and and you don't have an active text with them do you just have to know their number you just don't talk figure it out man you look for clues see i i have a i have i have the exact opposite thing I do and a very similar thing I do where I just have my phone delete everything.

Every 30 days, my phone deletes. Ooh, is that an app you can get? Yeah, for text. No, it's not an app. It's a feature on the iPhone. It's a feature, yeah. Every 30 days, all my texts delete. Oh, that's great.

I didn't know about that at all. But I delete last names once we become friends in case someone steals my phone and they'll be like oh shit like he's just friends with this guy yeah he doesn't have he just pals with john apatow this isn't like a work connection like i want him to know he stole a good phone if i just put it like jay man what's up jay dog this is my buddy i've done those before but then they're just so obvious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like everybody knows who P.D. in my phone is.

Was there – I mean that's got to be a pretty big honor. Like did you think that Judd like just kind of saw what you brought to the table and was like this guy should be a producer? I think on top of it, he knew i know pete's story me and pete been friends for a minute dog i've known him for 10 years my kid was born on 9 11 he's my son's godfather like we his mom is at my house like we are very very close and judges knew like my the day i auditioned with judd that night i had to go do shows with him. So I was like, well, thank God this went well. So he had to do Amanda. And it's funny because before that, working with his company, I was on crashing for like two seconds.

Pete Holmes goes, I like your shirt. And that was it. I went from the guy that wasted his day in a trailer to the guy that was walking with him. Yo, that's how it goes though, right? It's like you might have walked away from crashing that day being like ah what a fucking waste and it's like that changed your life forever i was hurt i was like hurt i like hurt my ego hard and then like two years later i like get to go hang out at judd's house like it's tight yeah man it's so sick so i just been yeah i just feel really lucky man and judd me and him are still working on other things together we're gonna be announcing shortly some stuff and

he's just a fucking man dude and i mean everybody on set had that feeling though like even burr i didn't know burr before so like getting to work with him on this level on the first thing was incredible were you are you what was your level of intimidation like with bill because i'll tell you what we probably interviewed him five times now i'm still terrified every fucking terrified of talking to bill burr i never you can't like compliment him too much if you try to bust his balls he'll fucking roast you i mean i'm always like i don't know what to say to bill dude we tried to give him a t-shirt and he's like get the fuck out of here i fucking like you guys i don't i don't need fucking presents to do your thing i thought he would have been taller

i was like i'm taller than bill burke so how did the uh how does the whole movie come about like have you guys always been shopping this idea of like, yo, Pete, your story is fucking wild. It's one that could be on the big screen and Judd hears it or how does that come about? Well, I mean Pete is one of the more interesting people I've ever met. And I think he's just – I think he's very misunderstood. So that like helped. It's like explaining what people don't understand about it. And I think it was just – I wasn't involved at the beginning.

I really wasn't. I was only written in as the part I was like that was written with me in mind. But I wasn't promised it because Universal and Judd have the final say. Right. So I just got put on board. And the minute Judd was like, I want you to come in. I want you to punch this up. I want you to do this, do that. And I just like, I was like, let me take it all in. Just all of it and eat it all up.

And I mean, it was a long fucking summer. It was definitely a long summer, but it was the coolest thing I've ever done. Like it was just sick. And it was just to be a part of it. And you guys seen it. You guys love it. And thank you for loving it. But that's a part of it and you guys seen it you guys love it and thank you for loving it but that's a fucking special making it good yeah i know that like honestly that like you know personal preference some people like it some people don't but it's

just a type of movie that's like it's different like it's it's it's a real story obviously you know based on and it just feels like a really genuine movie judd did things in that movie like even like buscemi dude like you've never seen him play that role of like the guy people we not like yeah he was like the the normal calm guy instead of like the maniac man you know he was what was he like because we i actually i think maybe after yeah after i saw the movie there was a an expose or whatever the fuck the fancy word you want to call it is on Buscemi and GQ. And it was just like how he's just like the coolest fucking guy in the world. And like they were talking about like he lives in Park Slope.

And like his house in Park Slope, which he's considering selling, is like the neighborhood's worry that Buscemi might move out because he's just such a calming presence around. Like Buscemi will come home and there will be presence on his doorstep for him like he's like neighborhood don he's the coolest fucking guy i actually did save his number i needed that and i want that to be the only name listed um no and no it was cool about him was not only was it just amazing to watch him act because he's a fucking amazing actor but like he was once was a fireman which was huge and then on top of it like he was just awesome to be around and then he started kicking it with us off set so it'd be like me pete burr and Buscemi in a basement. Fucking sick, dude.

The scene where you're all at the bar and you're singing, what song is it? It's like one of those like classic. Oh, I don't know the name of the song. I just know. One Headlight? Yeah. Yeah. It was just, it looked like, you know, again, real genuine. Like they were just having some beers and like basically doing karaoke with each other.

It looked awesome. It was, I mean, dude, daily, daily, daily, I would get home and just be like, what the fuck do we do today? Like that was like such a special moment too. And like,

you got to remember, like there was a guy, there was a guy, that guy, John Sorrentino, that's in the movie. He was off the day of nine 11 and worked in the same house as Pete's dad. Oh, I didn't know that holy

moly so like all those firefighters all the actors and the rest of that they were playing firefighters they got sent to training like Judd makes you feel so part of it and like the Apatow company just does such a great job in doing that that it feels so personal everybody walks out of there feeling like they belong to something it does feel like like because it's obviously you said judge does such a good job of creating like a fun set but also like the like how personal everything was i imagine everyone came out like like wow like we we did family shit to like this whole time where it was we we like cried together we worked hard together we fucking laughed our asses off.

Like, do you feel like leaving quarantine with your family? Like, look, we had some fucking fights. We had some tears, but we had a good time, honestly. Yeah, exactly. And, dude, like, fucking working with Marissa Tomei. That's outrageous. We were talking to Bill about that. Dude, I love how genuinely, like, surprised you get every name you say.

You're like, what? That drags the fuck up. It's so funny for bill burr to have he used to drive around my 98 honda accord with like 30 bucks in our pockets splitting it for gas and weed like so how did like so when you go from that the 98 accord splitting 30 bucks and then all of a sudden your boy like like one of your best friends, is just – and he had like a steady rise, but also he just got thrown into the like ultra mainstream celebrity world.

I mean I feel like I would be busting my friend's balls every two fucking seconds once he goes big time like that. I mean there is things that we laugh our balls off about but then again like some of it kind of sucks yeah i was gonna say the other side of it like he looked like it kind of hit him hard and he had some some issues with it so i don't know where the line was but i feel like you ever notice i never like i like i refuse to comment on any of that stuff like i don't want to be a part like in that way because like it's not – people are like, oh, Pete acts like he hates it. No, he hates it. He doesn't want to live like that.

And the thing is people change up words and how and what we're doing. We once went out and the next day they wrote in the paper that we did something we did not do. We were home. So it's like you just got to take it with what it is. But at the same time, we get to do dope as shit. Yeah, I know. I know. to take it with what it is. But at the same time, we get to do dope as shit. Yeah, I know. I take the good with the bad there. It sucks though that it's got to be that way where it's just like I can't date someone I want to date or I can't go where I want to go without this becoming a fucking thing every time.

That would drive me crazy. Yeah, it's weird, man. It's like me having to come to – being like, okay, yeah, the paparazzi are going to be at my wedding. That's just a weird place. But at the same time – But at the same time, you get King of Staten Island and John Apatow and all the things that come from it. Pete was there when my kid was born.

Pete was there when my mom passed away. That's my best friend, so I ride for him the same way he rides for me. We don't really listen to the whole media thing as much as – that's why we hang out in basements so much because we're just not listening to the world. That's fucking deep. I love deep yeah that's your bunker ricky and pete in the basement just you know avoiding the bullshit it's amazing dude i don't even pete has internet on his phone dude well i've always said i'm like i would love to get him in here because i do think he's misunderstood and i'd love to talk with him and i just feel like he's just like no like i'm not i

don't want to do that shit i'm not interested in and And I just feel like he's just like, no, I don't want to do that shit. I'm not interested in it. And I feel like that's pretty commendable where it's like so many people either love it or if they don't want to do it, still feel like they have to do it. And he's just like, no, I just do me. There's not a lot of people who do that anymore. I'm just trying to be like Ben Affleck, dude. That guy's the man.

No Instagram, nothing, fucking always with his stomach out. Big fucking dragon on his back always he's always i think he's sober still but like he always got the puffy face he is like he just looks permanently hung over which is like that's why i strive to have that look one day and i'm working for it it's hard to find a picture of him without a cigarette in his hand dude that one he had where he had like he had his face mask down with the cigarette like i was like that's just legend yo him and he him and uh anna de armas have just been thriving yeah he's out there going for walks hanging out with each other ripping cigs what a life my goal my goal is to be friends with the at flack man yeah i'm gonna get a tattoo like i'm definitely gonna

just start putting quotes that he said on me like is that from goodwill hunting yeah man that's aflac shut the fuck up it's not even that it's like things he says in his everyday life yeah you get another sig or something i want to bug ben afleck's house to get tattoo inspiration. And then you bug it and you find out it's just him mostly being like, Anna, can I do another Instagram picture of you? Is this one good enough? Is this one good enough? It's him looking at his Getty images.

How old is your daughter, man? I have a son. He's going to be two years old on 9-11 you're you're you're in the in the weeds huh how's that going fatherhood awesome man it's really it's it's it's cool he's a great kid he's happy and he's just like he's brought a lot of joy to us so i mean it's been a really awesome experience are you guys still in new york i left new york this week i'm in florida now i took off but but for quarantine you're in Florida or you moved to Florida no no no I just came out here

to spend the summer so I wasn't stuck in a Chelsea apartment with a child you're a New York lifer I've been here forever too I think I'm sick of New York though you like New York still this quarantine kind of made it not as appealing as I loved it yeah i'm like it's

getting hard to like defend why i'm here it's like it's expensive it's dirty it's crowded it's a fucking epicenter for disease and you can do your job from anywhere now but i don't know i mean my whole life it's just so different now like i how many times i go on stage and i'm like yo who's a local like who's born and raised here and nobody claps yeah like and it's gentrification and it's just like that shit's weird as fuck too they just go into poor neighborhoods and make you drink out of jars at bars like it's fucking i don't understand i don't understand it and it's just i mean it's weird, man. New York has definitely taken a huge change in the last couple of years.

No doubt. But I mean, it's still the best for stand-up. I was going to say, I mean, the only thing is that I'll be there. And the minute those stages open, I'll be back home. Are you dying without it? Most comics are saying to me that they're dying, and I get it. But I also feel like, you know, you're on the i get it but i also feel like you know you're on the road so much you go up like six nights a week is is there any part of you that was like

it's a welcome break well yeah no it was kind of sick i took the whole summer doing the fucking movie so like that was my whole summer so getting these months to spend with i missed a whole summer with my brand new child right so like i was working six days a week with judd and we like so getting this time has been invaluable dude like i can't i can't it was it's the best like spending it we're down here playing in a pool every day and just like letting him be a kid now and he's getting to that point where he like likes to play with dad yes yeah right around there they start to get their personality. They start talking more,

and they can kind of give back a little bit more, and you can hang out in a basement with them. Yeah, he's not allowed in the basement. That's why I'm going to move him to Florida. No basement. All right, man. Well, we really appreciate it. The movie is great.

Like I said, I think you're an incredible stand-up. Thank you for really appreciate it. The movie is great. Like I said, I think you're an incredible stand-up. Thank you for having me on. I am a fan. You guys are fucking awesome. Anytime, dude. Dude, appreciate that. It means a lot.

No, the movie, it means the world that you guys like it as much as you do. Thank you. Keep it up, dude. Ride that wave and take that next step. We're looking forward to it. Later, man. Talk to you soon. Bye. Peace.

Peace. This is the soundtrack to my life. The soundtrack to my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.