KFC Radio - Ken Jeong, Bob Kraft's Happy Ending, and Going Full Cancel

Episode Date: February 26, 2019

Ken Jeong back again, the latest celebrity not impressed with Barstool HQ. He said it looks like our studio walls are lined wit eczema. His new special is out You Complete Me, Ho. So go check that out. Alsoo, Robert Kraft gets a BJ at a massage parlor, John cancels texting like a true moron, and stans Kanye and Ray Romano. Voicemails include: am I too good at sex, are guys stupid or just horny, and can I show my gay friend my BF's dick?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. KFC Radio today presented by Your Call Football. First season of Your Call Football was a total game-changer. Now we're back. Four consecutive Monday night games starting on February 25th with over $70,000 in cash prizes, up for grabs, and a chance at $1 million if you call the perfect game.

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It starts. That's Your Call Football on the show and we're gonna just continue to talk john right now for those who john for those who don't know right now john has this thing that's been going on for several years. I would say quarterly. Would you agree? Four times a year?

No, more often than that. It's been rare recently, but it's usually more. Okay, because it's been a little while. It's usually like weekly. No, it's not. It usually is. No, it's not. It doesn't always happen.

You power through it then. I was going to say. Yeah. Well, this performance is quarterly. It happened in L.A., and it happened You power through it then. I was going to say. Yeah. Well, this performance is quarterly. It happened in L.A. Then it happened one more time since then. And now we're having it again. I think, I don't know what it is.

It's like your lower back, but I'm pretty sure it's like organ failure maybe. And you get. Could be like the liver. Yeah. Kidneys, I feel like that. I want to say it's an organ thing, not like a back spasm. It's not a muscle or nerve thing. It definitely feels back.

Yeah, but there's things. I don't think it's organ. It, not like a back spasm. It's not a muscle or nerve thing. It definitely feels back. I don't think it's organ. It might be like a muscle or something like that. People don't realize a muscle spasm can fuck you up. A muscle spasm can straight up debilitate you. You'll be like, yo, no, something's broken. My vertebrae is broken. They ripped a muscle, and they're like, nah, it's just in spasm. I hurt my back carrying my kid once, and I thought I was going to puke.

I was sick to puke. Yeah. I was sick to my stomach. It will fuck your shit up. So Feidelberg, he doubles over, and he does this little bitch routine. He's just panting and looking at the ground. And then the funniest thing is once it clears, he's just like, all right, I'm good. Good to go. Like, well.

Not yet, apparently. No, this one's got some staying power. Yeah? You good? It passed? Yeah. Okay. Ready to rock? Mm-hmm. All right. Hey, Yeah? You good? It passed? Okay. Ready to rock?

All right. Hey, your hair looks good, though. Thank you. You look skinny. I don't know about that. Trying to prop you up here. Trying to prop you up. What do we got today?

All right. Today, my arch nemesis. My mortal enemy. He is my arch rival, Ken John. This is the third time we talked to him? Second. I thought it was third. Second.

I was going to say second, but you said third earlier. We talked to him in that office and that was it? Yeah. Okay. Well, it feels like three times. Because every time I've talked to him, we bust balls a little bit, and then we bust balls a little bit more this time around. Are you sure you're alright?

It does not seem like it. Anyway, me and Ken, we were at each other's necks. We go hard at each other. I love him. I hate him. You have a big head. Yeah, I have a small head. I think it's the hair. The hair is big.

People don't realize it's small in circumference. It might be long. I think you might have a long head, but my head, if you... I can't... If I put on like your hat, like a fitted hat, I would look like a child. Yeah. Like it would fall down to my eyes. I got a pea head. You got the big head.

Yeah. Right. We could share clothes. But I got a long head. Right, but I could never share it. We could growing up, but not hats. That was rude. Sorry.

So your head's not proportional. No, it's just like you can share clothes, but not. No, but you hear that? He was like, we could share clothes like growing up, but not now. I didn't hear that part. We could share clothes now, you fucking dick. I wear a size 30 pants. What?

30? Yeah. I don't know if I've ever, like, I can't remember the last time I ever bought a 30. I was a 30. Are you sure? Yeah. Inches? Yeah. I don't know if I've ever, like, I can't remember the last time I ever bought a 30. I was a 33. Are you sure? Yeah. Inches? Yeah.

God damn. How much do you weigh now? I'm going to slip that in there. I'm back to, like, I'm, like, 182, 3. There's no possible way you're a size 30 over the weight of 180. That's not possible. I believe him. I don't.

That's crazy. I don't think I was a size 30 when I was in fifth grade. I've never bought size 30 pants. This is the problem with this fucking guy. Is that our genetic makeup is the same. Mostly. Enough. So it's like, I should probably be a size 30 then too.

Fuck. You know? Different sizes. Nothing else about us is really different. That's true. I mean, I'm better looking and more charismatic and funnier and more charming and all that

shit. But other than that, we're the same. Anyway, Ken Jeong, that motherfucker's on the show. So we'll talk to him. We'll do some voicemails. Bob Craft got his dick sucked. He did? I love the 14 minutes in and out.

Because, you know, if you've ever partaken in any of these places. That's like you call takeout. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm coming to pick it up real quick. Right. She knew he was rolling in. Get the blowjob ready. I'll be there. Because, you know, if you've ever done this shit, it's a dog and pony show.

They want to give you the table shower and the fucking whole to-do. They want to walk on your back and give you the massage and all that shit. Just cut to the dick sucking. Yeah. Just get down to the dick sucking. Which is really the way everyone should do it.

As I understand it, though, Dan on the rundown was telling me that people are shaming him like he was so quick. I mean, if someone is just sucking your dick, like several minutes is a long time. Yeah. Like if you just get your dick sucked for 10 consecutive minutes. More than anything, even if you think that's quick,

then he's polite. He's just finishing fast, potentially. You know what he is? He's a great customer. Yeah. He's like, look, you got things to do. I got an AFC championship to catch. Fucking let's just knock this out. Yeah, sometimes you'll do like the pull back real quick. Yeah. He's like, look, you got things to do. I got an AFC championship to catch. Fucking. See ya.

Let's just, let's not this out. Yeah, sometimes you'll do like the pull, pull back real quick. That's the longer stuff. He doesn't do any of that. He's a gentleman. He finishes when he finishes. One of the most disrespectful things I feel like you can do to a chick is try to make a blowjob last as long as you can.

Right. I would imagine so. Yeah. Like, I feel like when, when it's, when the getting's getting good and you're enjoying it and you're like, all right, I'm just going to, like, breathe a little bit. I want this to keep going. She's probably like, no, dude. Just fucking wrap it up.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm going to put my finger in your ass next. Let's go. I'm not about to call my friends and be like, oh, my God, he finishes so fast over a blowjob. Right. Right? Yeah, like, I mean, yeah, there's no shit. That's what's funny, right?

You come real quick having sex with a girl and you're a minute man. You come in 60 seconds from a blowjob, and you're the best boyfriend ever. Yeah, you're a hero. You're a nice fella. That's what I call a double fucking standard. So, hey, listen, girls, you want me to last long having sex? I'm going to last long during blowjobs too. I bet he kind of called on his way to the private airfield to jump a flight to Kansas City.

I believe he was in Kansas City. I forget exactly, but I'm pretty sure he was there. I don't remember many games he misses. To me, that is just so – I'm just going to grab a quick blowjob before we head out. Yeah, I mean, that to me just – I think you can look at that a couple different ways. Dave was like, oh, you know, big game jitters.

He had to, like, release. I think it's like – I don't give a fuck about the ACU championship game. Like, I think it's like, I don't give a fuck about the AC championship game. Uh, like, I think it's like another, just, you know,

like another day, you know, another day at the office. I think they're both, whichever one it is. I think it's both. They're both impressive. Whether it's like,

you're so invested in the team that you, you are nervous and you need to, you need a release. It's a kind of a bigger question. Like owners, you know, you can't do anything. You can't impact it at all. Right. You want to win, but you're a billionaire. of a bigger question. Like, owners, you know, you can't do anything. You can't impact it at all.

Right. You want to win, but you're a billionaire. You've won before. Like, I wonder how much... I mean, it's still, you know, you get a pretty penny for making it to the Super Bowl again. No doubt. But, like, you know, like everything else, when you say, like, fans are more invested than the players, you think fans are more invested than the owners?

Like, do you think Bob Craft is... I think the Patriots are different because they have the chip on their shoulder and they have such a war with the league and shit. But I'm sure some owners are kind of like, I don't know, whatever. Let's watch the game. You're like a fan, but you're not like, oh my God, it's fucking 3-10. What are we going to do? There are clearly some owners like that because they don't try to make their team better.

I don't think Robert Craft is one of those. Right. But I think there's a difference between wanting to win and nerve-wracking during the game. Robert Kraft also didn't, like, I want to buy a football team. I'll buy this one. Robert Kraft grew up a Patriots fan. You know what? I don't like this.

Why? I don't like this. We're moving on. Next topic. Why? I don't like I'm defending the guy. I don't like this. You know what I mean?

I'm on his side. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be on Woody Johnson's side. No don't like this. You know what I mean? I'm on his side. Yeah. I'd be on Woody Johnson's side. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. Yeah, you probably would. I'd be like, look, he's got a fucking... I mean, there are things, much like you,

there are things that I really don't even give a fuck about Woody Johnson. Yeah, but no, you guys would be like same old Jets. Right. That's the angle you would take. Whereas I, a man of honor and integrity, I am standing up for my fellow man because some things are bigger than sports. Even everyone, even

Patriots fans when this first came out were like, oh shit, this could be bad. And then everyone had the same revelation. Like, oh, is this a handjob parlor? Or a massage parlor? Blowjob at a massage parlor? Whatever. It was the sex trafficking stuff which was so stupid. So stupid.

How about I saw somebody on a Facebook comment thread, so you know it's special, giving him credit. Because these girls would have never been, like, discovered had it not been for Bob Craft getting his dick sucked by a sex slave. Spot the lie. But also, I mean, these girls are probably like, fuck, I got to pay rent. You know what I mean? Yeah. As much as they're sex slaves, that girl was like hugging and kissing him and helping him for a reason because she was like, I got to get a tip here.

I don't know what, I don't, I don't want to speak on sex slavery because I don't know anything about it. Aside from the fact that it was horrible. But, um, yeah, I'm just going to stick with that. Pussy! What a big bitch you are i mean why don't you go work for deadspin with the cool kids the fact of the matter is that it's just i i think it's so stupid to bring up sex trafficking even with this conversation i don't i think it's extremely irresponsible and i really mean that not even being like a patriot fan homer i think it's incredibly irresponsible to

even mention them in the same sentence. Yeah, it diminishes the actual sex library. Do you think Bob Kraft wore a condom? No. Really? You think he's raw mouth up on that dick? Probably. Would you do that? I don't know.

I hope you watch it on Gold. Honestly, go sign up for gold just to see fights. I don't know. That was unbelievable. I've never gotten a blowjob with a condom on. Yeah, me neither. I don't. But I also have never gotten a blowjob from a sex worker.

Right. Like a $59 whore in Jupiter is probably not the right person to put her mouth on your dick. Can you get mouth herpes to dick herpes? Or those are two different viruses? What can you get from a mouth? I'm pretty sure you can get herpes or those are two different viruses? What can you get from a mouth? I'm pretty sure you can get herpes. But isn't there herpes like simplex and herpes

whatever it is? Yeah, but I thought you can't mix and match that? I don't know. It's a different virus strand. I don't know if it becomes that virus on your penis or if it's like... You have to be able to catch STDs from a mouth. Because there's a reason why they use the condom.

Yeah. I'd imagine giving a head through a condom sucks too. I would imagine those hookers would be like, I'd rather have your bear dick in my mouth than a condom dick in your mouth. Can herpes go? Can herpes go? That's just a great little beginning of a search there. What's the autocomplete with that?

What else came up? It was through a condom. No, yeah, through osmosis. It'll just slip right through. Good for Bobcraft, though, huh? And there's video. You think we'll see the video? I think we'll see the video.

I think it'll get quote-unquote leaked somehow. I think if there is video of this, that someone's going to get it. Yeah, I guess herpes simplex is transmitted through oral sex. But type 2 is the one that causes the sore in the mouth. Type 1 spreads to the genitals. The oral to genital infection route is more common. When 20% of new genital infections are caused by herpes simplex virus type 1, largely transmitted

through oral sex, I should say. So it's a definite. So you should definitely wear a condom if you're going to get a head from a... How weird is that? Imagine coming in a condom from a head. The whole thing's weird. It's weird, yeah. I haven't gotten a blowjob in so long.

I've not gotten a blowjob to completion in a long time. Those aren't my favorite anyway, though. I wouldn't. Like, it's different if, like, you're. I would honestly. I couldn't do this because I would feel awful. I just feel so bad any time a girl spits in my mouth, I might think. Even if it's, like, a consensual girl, like a a girlfriend i don't have any other kinds no but

i mean like yeah yeah i mean like a like this like a massage parlor type place like not not even with a girlfriend i'm always like halfway to my tapping or i'm like all right get on get on because of because of you feel bad yeah because it's one thing if you're like i want to have sex just because i can't i i cannot process the idea that you're having fun doing that. And I'm sure women are the same way. I can't eat. There's no way he's enjoying eating my pussy. I'm like, I'm good. Like, let me down here.

Yeah. I'm on my third course. Yeah. Go order. Order some pizza while you're up there. TV on. I don't give a shit. I'm on Instagram.

I'm having a blast. Yeah. Yeah, me too. So I can see, you know what that is? I mean, lots of women enjoy getting blowdoused, but I can't put myself in those shoes to find that to be an enjoyable process. So I'm like, she's got to be miserable down there. It's probably when she's licking your balls and stuff. It's like, you can't want that.

You know what the difference is? It's like a boy and girl thing. Like little boys are like, we do dumb shit like that. You know what I mean? You're curious and you fuck around you play with stupid things like i'm i think part of it's like like an inherent like it's a curiosity like as a guy you talk i'm lost here are you talking about giving blowjobs no going down on a girl oh okay i i don't think you clarified that well i just i was assuming that if we're talking about a guy, that means that we're going to. You're like, suck a dick.

It's like a little boy thing. That's what you said, bro. That was you. That was on you. Brendan, back up. There was no segue there to transition back to eating pussy. I would assume that if we're talking about the guy, that we're talking about eating pussy. Look, we're an equal opportunity podcast.

There are plenty of gay listeners. That's true. But, well, I was talking about eating pussy. I think that as a, like, I'm like, I don't know, this is fucking cool. Look at this thing. Look at that. How's that taste? Let's poke around down there. Whereas I think girls are a lot less like that. They don't have that

curiosity? Yeah. It's a chore for them, whereas I'm like, I think there are a lot of girls who really like sucking dick. You gotta find one of those. Holler at me. Any takers. It's been a long minute.

Anyway, we are all over the map. What do you want to do? You want to cancel somebody? I'll cancel. I'm always ready for a cancel. Let's fucking cancel. We're going to stand. We're going to cancel.

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So now we're going to keep canceling. I'm going to cancel. We're not going to set a time to it. There it there's not gonna be like when someone deserves to be canceled they'll be canceled there's yeah wait today you do the canceling i i'm not i don't have someone to cancel so today you shall cancel i'm canceling i'm canceling texting whoa i'm canceling texting i've been working towards this for a while. Wait a minute. I did not know we were doing that. Yeah.

I don't know. We might have to stop that. I'm canceling texting. I'm not going to co-sign this cancel. I've been working towards it for a while. And it started last. It came up again last night because Amelia Clark, Galisi, came out and said, told RBG that if she wants to borrow the dragon, she said ring me. She said, in,

ring me. Out, give me a call. Ring me is so much cooler. Yeah, ring me. Although that was awesome. What about give me a buzz? No. What about phone me? That's also very British and classy. Phone me.

Yeah, phone me works. Phone me, ring me, something like that. But people replied, I don't want to talk on the phone. It's such a trope now. I don't want to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone is exponentially better than fucking text conversations. Text conversations are just perpetual nothingness. You start the day with like, hey, good morning, how are you?

And you're just always texting. A phone call, we talk very quickly. We get to the point, we hammer it out, we're done. To text, a text conversation lasts 10 hours. A phone call lasts five minutes, maybe. It makes no sense that we as a society prefer texting. It's crazy to me. And then people always start the texts with like, yo, hey, or John, right?

And I yell at people, Dante, Dante, the Don's one of these people. He's like, yo, get to your fucking point. Because I just panicked the whole time. When I'm like, what's up? I'm so scared that someone would like... I think every one of my friends has died 15 times because I get a text like, hey, what's up? I don't know.

Yo, what are you doing? Something bad's about to come. Yo, did you hear? Yeah. You're going to start me off with a, did you hear? Well, that's crazy. Say, did you hear blank? And then say, did you hear? Question mark. Here's what happened. Yeah, if you want to set it up like two different texts. My brother did it to me recently where he's like, have you talked to our cousin today?

I'm like, oh, he's dead. That would be the punchline. Like, no, you haven't because he's fucking dead. You can't talk to a dead person. I, okay. All right. Let me stop you for a second here. Texting is the worst, stupidest thing ever.

Okay. You made a lot of valid points. It's very true. Especially with a family member or a good friend, I don't think you're going to get caught in the 10-hour text. Like me and you, you're not sitting there like, oh, God, I've got to write back to Kevin again. But I feel like if you're talking to a girl,

if you're in the courting process. We had a conversation this weekend that lasted like two hours talking about the new studio. That could have been a phone call. Yeah, well, see, this is where I disagree with you. It's like that was happening for me while I was like sitting on the couch watching TV. Yeah, I was driving. Well, that sucks for you. It was convenient for me.

I was passing it off having a fucking passenger reading sending the text for me. Well that was crazy you should have just not responded until you were ready. That was not an important conversation. You know if it was dire then you gotta do that but otherwise I'll call you later or I'll talk to you later. I assume all conversations are dire because that's the only reason I have a conversation

I think what you're saying is true. I find myself you get I get caught up in a text combo, and it's like, do I have to formally end this? Like, all right, I'm about to hit the studio. I'll talk to you later. That's weird, but if you don't do that, then it's like, am I expected to continue to reply here?

And then, yes, it lingers, all that shit. I get that. But I don't want to have to stop everything I'm doing for a phone call because you have to stop watching your i'm doing for a phone call because like you have to stop watching your tv show or you're if you're around other people you got to like go find some privacy you don't want to be rude but you stop the phone you stop the tv show for four minutes three minutes i know instead of having to reply text throughout the next three episodes you're watching yeah i get that but but also here's the problem is why you can't cancel

texting because texting is still super valuable in certain instances like so are kelly songs oh what what what does that mean sometimes they need an r kelly song i mean like i'm talking to the biggest like ignition fan ever sometimes am i missing something what is it what we've canceled r kelly but sometimes you're like god it's a fucking, I could listen to that right now. I'm going to cancel texting, but sometimes I'll be like, I could text right now. I really wish I could text. Oh, you're saying, so wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't cancel and then continue to do something. Well, R. Kelly's been canceled and people still listen to him, so you can't. Well, they're not canceling properly. A cancel's a cancel, bro. I'm saying we should be- If you cancel texting, you better never text me again. I'm saying it should stop. A cancel is like a console. You can't go back

on it. No, a cancel is not like a console. Yeah. No, it is not. They're different things. You can't tell me what a console is. I'll tell you what a console is. R. Kelly's been canceled. I will hear an R. Kelly song again in my life. Right, but those people are not going full cancel. We don't do half cancels here.

I'm canceling texting. If you're going to cancel texting, you better never text me again. I rarely reply to you guys anyway. I'm going to never reply again. And I'm going to say it. You better never see it. It's because of the podcast. I mean, you can't cancel and then keep doing it. Other people might, but you shouldn't be able to.

You want to cancel? You want to besmirch the good name of texting, then you don't get the benefits of texting. Fine. Fine. I hate texting. I think you're going to regret that. Okay.

I think there are certain times where you don't want to have to talk to someone. I think there are certain times when you're not being truthful that you certainly don't want to talk to someone. Wait, what do you mean? Like, yeah, I'm at work still. And it's like, well, you're going to hop on the phone in a loud, crowded bar? You're lying about your whereabouts? I just want to answer the phone.

Yeah, I'm just saying. But maybe you need to talk to someone. Maybe there's times you need to be able to convey something to somebody. Just walk outside the bar. I'm just saying. Those are two pretty quick fixes. I don't know. I don't know if it is.

I don't know. What could I possibly need to talk about? That's the point here. 96% of conversations never need to happen. 100% of text conversations never need to happen. I'm not canceling texting. Plus sexting's good.

I haven't even texted. I was saying the other day, I haven't sent a dick pic in probably like years. I'm not even talking about pictures. I haven't even a dick pic in probably like years. I haven't even sexed him in forever. I don't know. I'm like, I'm just... Because I've been over texting. It's just... Sexting is fucking annoying too.

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You're truly dead on the inside There's nothing No sexting Full blown no sex Anymore, right? You're out on the actual act of sex. I've been out on that for a while. That was one of those ones where it started where I didn't have the choice.

Yeah, right now you do have the choice. Now I've just decided to lean into it and say, you know what? I'm choosing not to have sex. But is that true or is it one of those like, you can't fire me because I quit? It's like, I'm not having sex because there's nobody around to have sex. Yeah, but is that true? Or is it one of those, like, you can't fire me because I quit. It's like, I'm not having sex because there's nobody around to have sex. Yeah, that's probably what it is more. But now, you know, then you're not even,

you can't even, what, you can't even chat about a girl with sex anymore? You don't like that? I, I, I, I hit you with a fucking sledgehammer when you walked in here and you didn't even flinch. Granted, it was a fake sledgehammer. But I didn't know that. But I, you didn't know that. And you didn't even flinch. Granted, it was a fake sledgehammer. But I didn't know that. But you didn't know that.

And I didn't, like, whack you. I was, like, not trying to hurt you. But I just, I mean, you didn't even flinch. That's not normal. Like, to not even flinch, it's like normal human reflexes and, like, auto, what's it called? Auto whatever reactions. Like, you got nothing.

You're dead on the inside. You're scaring me. See nothing. No reaction. Can you help me out here, bro? Can you step in on my intervention? Next question. Usually it's supposed to be a group effort here. I mean, what's the answer? What are we going to do?

I don't know. You're scaring me. I just don't even understand how this is a surprise. This isn't new. Well, no, it's not new, but I don't know. You're scaring me. I just don't even understand how this is a surprise. This isn't new. Well, no, it's not new, but... I don't know. You're scaring me. Are you being serious?

Not really, but... I don't know. You know what it maybe is? It's like I think I am like... I think we've always been in line, but now I need to start, I need to like start my life over, you know, which is means I had to like do a lot of stuff and try a lot of stuff and be positive.

We're going to Kinky Boots tonight. He's taking you to a show. We're going to Kinky Boots. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Actually, it was funny because I was thinking to myself, I was, I hung out with a few buddies the other day and for like the first time in a long time, my friends are always getting together. And I've been saying no.

I said no forever when I was married just because I was lazy. And then everything has taken so long for me to wrap up that I really haven't been going out. And so I got together with my buddies for the first time in a long time. And I was joking around about the movie Old School. Remember Mitchapalooza? Where he was being reset into the wild. And I was like, man, I need something like that. And I was like,

my life partner's taking me to Kinky Boots. You guys want to throw a rager with a DJ? We'll get sand. We'll get boy band ass. No, I'm going to go to Kinky Boots. Tiki Barber's performing. I can't believe Tiki Barber's in it. I do not.

That's wild. So yeah, you are taking me to the show. But I got to do all this shit. I got to be excited about life now. Or at least try to be. Are you asking me to match your enthusiasm? I mean, no one can ask that. That's the most unreasonable ask of all time.

That's worse than asking someone to drive you to the airport. It doesn't make any sense. I like doing things. I'm excited for tonight or for tomorrow as you're listening or recording the day before. But the I don't know. Exactly. I love it.

Yeah, I mean, I got problems. What am I going to say? It's really like you're hitting the nail on the head. Right now I'm dead inside. Okay, well, no, you know what? You have canceled texting. Very irresponsibly. Brendan's going to be so mad when I never reply to our group text again.

I mean, that's literally going to be a huge problem. Like a huge logistical problem. I mean, he's going to call you. He's going to call you all the time. Yeah, that's the thing. Okay, I'll leave voicemails. Oh my God, a voicemail. You can't even leave a voicemail on my phone.

And you know what? You actually want to know what? Back in the day, I was like the fun voicemail loser. Oh no. I was like, I'm going to leave her. So guess who's back? No. Guess who's back?

No, this is good for me. Literally, my voicemail says that it's full and it's empty, so you can't leave me a voicemail. I would not be able to deal with that. As soon as this episode is over, I'm going to be like, John, we're undoing this. Cancel it. You don't have to text if you don't want to, but you're allowed to cancel it.

You can't cancel. No, but then also text. Listen, we are not going to start off KFC Radio cancel culture with a wishy-washy cancel. You want to cancel texting, by all means, but that's it. Brandon's going to be like, are you guys good for an interview on blank? And I'll call back, like, guess who's back?

Back, back, back again. Yo, bro. Yep, definitely in. Catch you later. DMs are not canceled. Annoying voicemail guy is a horrendous person to be. Oh, man. I used to take pride in it. I leave the best voicemail guy Is a horrendous person to be Oh man I used to take pride in it

I leave the best voicemails in the world Do you know what I used to have? Did you ever have an obnoxious Answering machine What's it called? The greeting or whatever I'm sure I definitely had a yo Oh where you faked it?

Oh man I hate those At one point I just had a fucking Do you remember the Nike commercial? That was like a hip hop beat Made with dribbles and squeaking of the sneakers? Yes. I just... That was my answer. By the way, the new Nike commercial that everyone loves...

The girl one? Don't care for it. Cliche. Don't care for it. So cliche. It's like... And Serena just sucking her own dick. It's one of those things you can't really say

without sounding like, I'm fine with a commercial dedicated to women and women's achievements in sports and stuff like that. I just don't think that one's very good. I thought that was very cliche. Those are pretty blah. Yeah. Just because you're sexist. I mean, that definitely is.

You can't say it because that's the response you'll get. Guess what? Guess what will happen to you if you say that? Probably get canceled. Be canceled big time. Big time. It just wasn't that good a commercial you'll get. Guess what? Guess what will happen to you if you say that? Will I get canceled? You'll be canceled big time. Big time. It just wasn't that good a commercial. I don't know what to tell you.

I have very high hopes for things with Nike. People were quoting it being like this maybe cry and stuff. So I had very high hopes. I watched it. No, that one was soft. Oh, I'm going to cancel. I have a cancel. I'm canceling Megan Greenwell.

Greenwall. Greenwall. Greenwall. That's like. No. I'm canceling Megan Greenwell. Greenwall. Green Mom's dad. That's like... That's canceling Hitler. Well, but here's the thing. No one would ever guess that Megan Greenwell would be canceled for racism. She's racist. So who saw

that one coming? I didn't. We talk about it on Barstool Gold on the KFC Radio Classic episode, Out Now? Yes. Out Now, me fights. Dan rejoins the show. We dive into the full Deadspin article or Washington Post article about Deadspin, calling them the cool kids of the Internet and talking about I don't even know what else. But in that same interview, Megan Greenwell is talking about where she lives in Brooklyn, in Williamsburg, and felt the need to throw out the disclaimer, no, no, no, it's not where the white people live, it's the part where there's Puerto Rican families.

Problem attic. It's the most outrageous thing I've ever heard. I mean, seriously, like, prone to exaggeration over here, but I read that and I like, I looked around, I asked Trent, I was like asking everybody, I was like, am I, am I misreading this? Cause the way it's reading to me sounds utterly preposterous that this girl felt the need to just say, by the way, no, no, no, I live with Puerto Ricans. That's cool. Puerto Ricans live around that.

Like, why do you feel the need to say that? What do you think that that provides you? What do you think that accomplishes? That sounds very racially problematic to me. It's a fair cancel. So she's canceled for, I mean, I didn't see that one coming. She's insensitive. She's, I think that's, I'm going to say appropriation somehow.

She's appropriating the Puerto Ricans of Brooklyn. Yeah, she's trying to rope herself in with them. She's like, let me catch you at the Puerto Rican Day Parade, Megan Greenwell. That's a problem. You've been canceled. Do you want to stand? Real quick. Okay, can you stand for me to provide a little bit of life?

Okay, what do you want? You have to tell me. I can't tell you who to stand. I have two stans, actually. One, I'm going to give it. Brendan, it's Kanye. I quote tweeted it the other day. Could you bring it up for us real quick?

I quote tweeted it yesterday. You're stanning Kanye. I'm going to stan Kanye because he reminded me why he's so great. I'm also going to stan Ray Romano. I saw this weekend, I watched the movie Paddleton. Everybody loves him. But he's been gone. Where'm also going to stand Ray Romano. I saw this weekend, I watched the movie Paddleton. Everybody loves him. But he's been gone. Where has he been for a long time?

Yeah. When I was younger, Everybody Loves Raymond, that was a show we watched in our house. Oh, yeah? And that was a big show, so I was a huge Ray Romano fan. And then he disappeared for a long time. He was in The Big Sick two years ago. But just this year, uh, but this,

just this year, 2019, he's done, uh, he had a cameo in crashing. I believe, I believe that was already aired. That was a very good, uh,

I've already seen the whole season, so I don't know if that episode's aired yet. Yeah. That's, that's out on, on regular. Um, that was so like crashing is good because it feels very real.

Like, yeah, like already playing himself and it seems like p is and ray romano like in an awkward situation like that the way he handled it where p was like standing him was that was good it was very well done the uh then he had a stand-up special released on netflix which i think was pretty wide widely received and then paddleton it's him and mark duplass duplplass, Duplass, the dude from The League. Got it.

And it's just the two of them. It's such a great movie. I really, really, really enjoyed it. I think I'm going to watch it again tonight, maybe. It's very funny, very sad, and honestly, it's kind of beautiful. First of all, the scenery, the cinematography of it is very beautiful, but also just the relationship between the two guys. Johnny Oscar's over here. Watch out. There are a lot of really cool shots but um but i kind of pictured it through the window of

us because what it is it's two kind of weird single older guys oh no and one gets cancer and he decides that fuck he's he's not who did you think had cancer in your mind uh probably me okay it's definitely going to be me. Because he decides, well, I'm the one who has carcinogens in my mouth every single day. Fact. And I treat my body worse than you do. Yeah, I guess. But I feel like we'll be, either way, if you get cancer and die, I think I'll die too.

We'll be like that couple where it's like he died of a broken heart. He died like four days later. But he gets, Mark Duplass gets cancer and he decides he does not want to wait around for it. He's going to do the pill, which I didn't know was a real thing. The suicide pill? I did not know that was a thing either.

It's legal in some states. Whoa. Straight up kills you? Yeah. Like one and done. You get three pills. You get an anti-nausea because you can't puke that one up. You get anti-anxiety so you don't freak out once you take it.

But you take it and within an hour you die. Yo, that's crazy because even if you got the balls to do it and you take that, you might really be like, oh, wait, I regret it. I regret it. And then that last hour of your life sucks. You fall asleep pretty quickly and then you die in your sleep. God damn, that's some dark shit. And it's just, you know he decides early on he's like you know early in the movie he's like i'm gonna get this pill i'd like you to be there but you

know i'm not supposed to take it alone i'd like you to be there with me dude this movie made you think of us you see why i'm so happy i had the intervention earlier that was by the way the least successful intervention of all time that was that's just adding to my like my my inadequacies like i can't even intervene on my fucking depressed friend correctly okay um but the but it's all it's very funny like they're really funny throughout it there's they're like it's not like they're funny like it's funny it's almost like the cousins are funny where it's like yeah it's funny yeah and ray romano's hilarious in it really really funny i'm telling you right now, if I ever get a phone call from you that you want me

to come and like just sit with you while you kill yourself, I'm not doing that. Like, can you just hold my hand while I take the suicide pill? I'm not doing that. He wouldn't inconvenience you like that. That is, ah. He, I don't know though. He is pretty like, he's vain. He doesn't want to like be like, oh, they found John dead alone.

They're going to, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're okay with that? Yeah. with that alright then don't call me just fucking kill yourself by yourself okay and then also I'm standing Kanye West because

Brandon what are we looking at it's on my Twitter timeline it'll be from like yesterday when him like rocking out at that like before the Oscars or whatever what the fuck was that Sunday service yeah um I just quote to you I said this is the most fun ever and uh everybody talking about how wide he was standing yeah yeah that was a weird thing to fucking pick out it is it just looks

like it reminds you why kanye is kanye it's just so perfectly this is so hot this is i texted this to lou when it when it like for i first saw it and's like, I've been on a 48-hour bender. I'm ready to rip again. And I was like, I don't even need anything to get me up. I'm standing Kanye West because he invented audible Adderall. He's like human cocaine. That just got me so drunk. I watched that on the train.

I saw that with an hour left on my train ride. I probably watched it 17 times. The 40-second clip. How much more fun would church be like if it was that? Kanye got in trouble. I don't even remember how many controversies ago it was. But when he was in Rolling Stone and said, I am Jesus. And people were like, he was on the cover of Rolling Stone.

I'll do it, yeah. With the crown of thorns on. He had the blood dripping down his face. He was kind of like that. He couldn't see the full cross But that was probably 200 Kanye controversies ago He just took a little while to deliver

Because this Made me find religion I'm back in on church Maybe you do need an interview I gotta intervene harder I am back in on church I would go to this mass. This is what gets you juiced up?

This is what gets the blood flowing? That's like the Hillsong things. That's like all those celebrity churches. They're like cool and fun, and they play fun music and stuff. Yeah, I'd fuck with that. Probably not. But they're also super homophobic, right? Only if Kanye's on the midis or whatever they're called.

Well, that's the thing is that you want to get Kanye West's church, and then you go on Sunday and it's not that. Right, Jesus Church. Yeah, I want to go to Kanye West's church. Right. I want to go to Jesus's church. Jesus walks. I just want to join a cult.

The cult of Kanye. I'm sick of leading one. You know, like we're the heads of the cult. I want to be one of the followers of the cult. Just drink the Kool-Aid. Followers more fun, leading you get more money. That's true. That's what Creed said. Creed said, I've done both.

Followers more fun, make more money leading. Voicemails or Ken John? Voicemails are brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. I got my whole, I got my over the toilet fucking cabinet thing all set up. I put all my Dollar Shave Club stuff in there.

John just has his dop kit. I don't know how he does it because I've got the lip balm. Oh, John doesn't use that. I've got the shampoo. Oh, John doesn't use that. Basically all of the hygiene stuff I need, John doesn't use that. I've got the shampoo. Oh, John doesn't use that. Basically all of the hygiene stuff I need. John doesn't have, I got it all from the hair products to the lip balms, to the shaving cream, to the razors, to the handle razors, like everything you need from dollar shave club. I've got it set up nicely in my new, uh, my new bathroom with my,

the, the furniture that I assembled all by myself. Because I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a member of the Dollar Shave Club, and I assemble furniture. That's what's up. Dollar Shave Club, they even got the toothpaste going now. You got to brush. I've been brushing at night, by the way.

You've shamed me into that. Good. Yeah. I'm a little disappointed in myself, but I also was like, well, you know, if there's one thing to not be stubborn about, maybe it's brushing your teeth. So I've been brushing and I feel I got the Dollar Shave Club toothpaste going

and I feel like extra clean, squeaky clean at night. So you're going to have fresher breath and that peppermint flavor lasts extra long. Right now they've got a handsome discount. John is not eligible. Intervenes me. Get it. John is not eligible. Intervenes me. Get it.

He's not. He's not handsome. In the beginning, I said you were, though. So, you know, whatever. Which one is it? Which one's true? Which was not? I don't know.

Keep you guessing. That's how I keep this spark alive, John. The oral care kit is just five dollars. And then you'll restock the boxes. They ship regular size products at the regular price. So what are you waiting for? Get your starter set for $5 now, dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Hey, boys. So me and my friends have been debating this for a couple weeks,

and we wanted to hear your opinions. But would you rather be having sex with a girl who knows what she's doing a little too much or somebody who's a little more innocent? Because I just need to know when I should, like, pull out my move. Like, I don't want the guys I'm hooking up with to think, like, I'm a big slut and I have sex with a bunch of people. But I don't want them to think that I don't know what I'm doing. So we want to know what is the move to do.

Eternal question right here. This is a big one for girls. I don't think it is. Yeah, it is for girls. I mean, you don't care if your girlfriend is a whore. I've never thought that. Yeah, like it never runs through your brain. But a lot of guys it does.

That's so weird. Why? Because it's like an insecurity thing. Some people are just good. Right, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like experience. I have one friend who picked up a golf club. First hole, hole one.

Right down the pipe, yeah. But that's the rarity. I think it's the first time at a par three. Usually what it takes is you hit the driving range, and you're on the course, and you're practicing. It's literally never crossed my mind once. I think most guys, if things go in a little too easy, if things go down a little too far,

and if things are a little too good, you're thinking to yourself. Down too far or shit like that. Also, I've never felt in the vagina. I'm like, that wasn't this. No, I meant your throat. If you can really suck dick. Even that. I think, I meant your throat. Like if you really suck dick, even, even that natural ability, or if like, if you're, you know, if you're doing anal and it's like not a problem, I think, I think, I think what

we're talking about is natural ability. I think we're talking about just, I don't, I don't think, cause guess what? If you guys, if you're fucking your girl and you think she's like, she must be a slut because she's good at it. Guess what, bro? You fucking suck at it. Yeah. And you probably had a lot of sex. I've had a lot of sex in my life and because she's good at it. Guess what, bro? You fucking suck at it. Yeah. And you probably had a lot of sex.

I've had a lot of sex in my life. And you're not good at it. Yeah. Like, I mean, not with a lot of partners. But you're also probably not as bad as you think. But through relationships and things like that, not good at sex. Yeah.

It's not really one of those things that you're going to get that much better at from reps. No. It's literally, it's like dancing. You can get good at a move, but, like, largely, you're a bad dancer. That's what she said, too, though. She wants to know when she breaks out her move.

I'm like, can you please go back and say what your move is? Because I think it's very funny that this girl has some idea in her mind where she's like, Release the Kraken! It's time! If you're having sex with a girl and you're like, oh my god, she's good at this, so she must be a slut, you're a fucking loser. Yeah, it is a pretty big jump to make. I agree. But it's actually not really about maybe how good you are. It's I think it's almost like how comfortable you maybe are.

Like if you're a girl, you feel like dirty talking and you're not phased by anything. It feels like, oh, you do this all the time. Not necessarily like your physical, like your ride game is great. That's not going to get better from reps. You know, if you can deep throat, you got no gag reflex, that probably just is what it is. But if you're like, you're not, you're not missing a beat, and everything is like

smooth and easy, and you're like, you know, you're fucking me, not the other way around, I think it's going to feel like, oh boy, you, you know, you do this all the time. Maybe to some guys, I think you're very insecure if you think that. Yeah, but I think most people are insecure about sex I think most guys are

Girl do your thing whenever the fuck you want If it's not Who gives a fuck if the guy If the guy's like oh she's a slut Fuck that guy That relationship's not gonna work anyway He's a fucking loser I know I mean yes but it's also like

You'll probably end up running through a lot of guys Who probably might be a good guy otherwise for you. But you like don't give a fuck about his sexual insecurities. So now all of a sudden, you know, he thinks you're a slut and that's a deal breaker for you because that's probably a problem for girls. I always come out with the best, you know, open, you know, open Open with your second best song. See, but I don't know though because I think that most guys are going to be happy with your B plus effort.

If you want to save the best for later, fine, save it, but don't do it to prevent yourself from being someone thinking, do whatever the fuck you want to do. When do you think she should release the move? I think day one. I can see, I also think that there think she should release the move? I think day one. I can see. I also think that there's, I don't think so.

I think leaving a little something for later and making them work for it a little bit. Not like work for it where it's like, if you do this, then I'll do that. But it's like if the first couple times you hook up, you don't give them the full treatment. I think that's okay. Yeah, I mean, I think it's okay. I think most people do that. I don't think most people go, like, balls to the wall the first time.

Yeah, I mean, I guess that's fair. Unless, like, if it's a one-night stand and you know it's a one-night stand, then let it rock. Yeah. But don't, like, I don't know. I think it's fucking stupid to, like, the great granddaddy, like,

I do the same thing with just my personality where you just hide it rather than show your true self on the first. So I guess that's what I'm insecure about. I was going to say, I mean, this is all well and good. Like, I wish it was this way. Nobody does this. Nobody, like, is just them true selves.

I mean, with sex, I try my best, yes. Yeah, but you're not, you know, everything else in the world, you're like putting forth what you think other people want to see. And so the reality is most guys are going to be. Yeah, most guys want to see. I think I can't even speak for myself. I think I want to see whatever the fuck it is you want to do. Because I'm in the sack. I'm a leader.

I'm sorry. I'm a follower. Like whatever you want to do, we can do it. We can do it at 10. We can do whatever you want. Literally, whatever the fuck you want to do, I'm down for it. So take my hand and take me wherever you want to go. I'll come along for the ride.

I'm with that, too. I think that if you're asking me one or the other, first of all, it would be weird if you really know how to fuck and you were just pretending to be innocent. Like, oh, what position is that? It's like, now you're just acting? Oh, okay. That is probably going to come across as weird sex. If you're asking me to pick one, knock my socks off. But I would be lying if I didn't say, if you gave a full porn star treatment,

I would definitely be thinking to myself, oh, this is probably not the first time you've done that. Now, for me, that's not really a deal breaker. But for a lot of insecure guys, it probably is. So you got to worry about do you want to – do you care about breaking this deal or not? I think you – I would say – I would say you probably – I think even to not take it further but to elaborate more is like the – if you come out of the gates with everything you got, you're not leaving anything in the chamber. So I'm like, okay, that's the opening act. Right.

Now what? It's like, well, I already gave you everything. I would say it's actually more about how much you talk. Like I say, you go out on a date. Let's say you don't have sex on the first date. You let it build up a little bit. Second date, you have sex. You give like a normal performance

and then if you're talking a lot in between the next time where maybe you start to get more comfortable maybe you start talking more about sex maybe you talk about what you like

what you don't like maybe you start to have conversations that like let the guy know that you're really down then I think the next time you're ready to rock

it's much more like you're on the same page yeah so I think I would say by the I would say by the third time. Okay. Go all out. Build up.

First time you have sex, second time you show a couple moves, third time, full treatment. That's fair. And with a little talking in between so that everybody's on the same page. This one's called Stupid and Horny. That's maybe what we should just call the podcast. Yo, what's up, guys? stupid and horny. That's maybe what we should just call the podcast. Yo, what's up guys? So I just got this stupid text from the

guy that I've been talking to. He asked me how my day was and I was honest. I was like, it's been fucking horrible. And he was like, oh my god, what happened? So I told him about the car trouble that I've been having. My car is like basically about to shit the bed and I can't drive it right now.

And his response was, that sucks. You should come over. But I just told him my car doesn't work, so I can't go over. So my question for you is that at any given point, are guys more stupid than they are horny? Or they're hornier than they are stupid? To be or not to be? that is the question. This is kind of an eternal question. I mean, first of all, you can still travel without a car. Let's not act like it's impossible for you to get over there.

Well, I don't know where they are. Where are they? You can take an Uber. I don't know. Whatever. Figure it out. There are definitely places in the country, a vast majority of the country, where I think there is an Uber and stuff like that.

If this girl is listening to K-Stream Radio and calling, she can get around town. I would guess probably. This is, I mean, the question is one thing, philosophical debate for, for till the end of time. If you, if a guy texts you and you're just like, Hey, how was your day? And you give him the whole fucking spiel. I don't want to hear it. I mean, I guess that's probably like you gotta you gotta

be kind of dating at that point right it's like i yeah like i just don't even ask that i don't i mean it's like i was opening up this conversation to invite you to come over to hook up and i'm gonna do that no matter what you give me no matter what the answer is so oh my god your grandma died that sucks come on over i'll comfort you i think i think it's stupid i think it's stupid to ask you how their day was. Don't ask a question you don't know the answer to. I think largely society, we're past that. At least no one ever asked me how my day was.

And I don't ever ask anybody else. The day recap is old hat. By society, I mean my world. My world has moved past the how was your day. I suggest everyone else does it. Join me in the future. The water is really warm over here. I haven't said how was your day? I suggest everyone else does it. Join me in the future. The water is really warm over here. I haven't said how was your day

in fucking forever. My parents know not to ask me anymore because it's always just fine. Fine. I don't know. It's fucking largely uneventful. I've lived thousands of them. I'm going to live thousands more. They're all going to be almost exactly the same. It was fine.

It's Groundhog Day man this is my life for probably the rest of my life I'm going to have the same day I'll get a little fatter my hair will turn grey maybe I'll interview somebody and in that case you would know about the interview already so say how was the interview with and then it's a specific question and I can give you the answer

But the general question Nobody wants to ask it Nobody wants to answer it And don't act like you can't still come over Because you had a bad day And fuck you for saying my tire popped Guess what that's not what I was looking for That took

Fucking 40 minutes out of your day. Right. I don't need to hear about that part. And again, if we're hooking up, that shouldn't stop you. The rest of the day was fine. Majority of the day was fine then. So answer, fine.

Fine. And don't act like a little bit of trouble in your life. If I ask you. Proclude you from hanging out. When you do that shit with fucking, oh, god damn it. When someone asks you how your day was, how was your day? It's like, oh god, I know, I just had, I had the worst phone call.

I had the worst, like, I had to talk to a client, it was the worst. Like a half hour of just complaining. Your day is so much like, that's like me asking how was dinner, and you being like, most of it was fucking pretty great, there was just one pee though. One bite, one bite. Just pee you being like, most of it was fucking pretty great. There was just one pea though. One bite.

Just pea. And I got potatoes. I got green peas. Then I got a steak. All of it was great. But this one pea was just terrible. And that's what you tell me about with the whole fucking meal. Not the juicy steak.

Not the creamy potatoes. Don't tell me about the fucking ten minutes of your day that sucked. It was ten minutes. Fucking move on. And just come over. Just come over and fuck. Come over and fuck me. Guess what?

You'll stop thinking about your busted car when I'm fucking dicking you down. Probably not. No. Well, maybe. Either way, she'll be thinking about, man, this sex stinks. But it'll get your mind off the fucking. You ever see the movie Major Pain? The guy who.

I haven't. I have. I haven't. Oh, he breaks his. Yeah. He's like, you're not thinking about your gunshot anymore because I broke your finger. Well, you're not thinking about your... Was that what it was?

It was a gunshot? No. Nah, it wasn't a gunshot. It must have been like a rolled ankle. Tell you what, you break my finger, I'm still thinking about the fucking gunshot, I think. I don't think that move's working. You got a pop tire? Well, now you're getting some bad sex.

But I do love... As far as the ultimate question, I think we're... I do love that he kind of just jumped in on it, though, where it's like some people might continuously try and maneuver and talk about, I don't know, fucking cars and shit. Oh, that happened to me one time. Okay, you want to come over or what? You can either tell me about this after we have sex or we can talk about it never again. I think we're ultimately, I think we're just more stupid than we are horny, though.

Because I think stupidity just applies in all sorts of situations. I think I'm definitely stupider than I am horny. I think most, I mean, even as horny as we are, the stupidity is 24-7. The hornyness is almost, it's like a secondary thing where, like, we blame it. We use it to blame the stupidity. Jesus Christ. We blame the stupidity on it. But really, the stupidity is there anyway that's

what I'm saying it's like it's like it's like me having like being like I have a slow metabolism or like I I have a thyroid condition like the fatness was already here agreed but I think that maybe the horniness allows like for the most part like 24 hours a day I am keeping my stupidity at bay I know like all right don't say that that's stupid or like don't no don't even try that because you don't know how to do that you get horny and all of a sudden you let your guard down and you let the stupidity come out a little bit yeah it takes over i'm i'm i'm acknowledging my stupidity almost all day right i'm rarely like oh my god maybe i didn't mean even like random boners don't really happen anymore.

No. But the majority of the time, you know, you can take care of that. All day, I'm like, God, I'm so stupid. So stupid. And if you're really that horny, you blast off and then it's gone. You can't stop the stupidity. You can change the horny. Last voicemail here before we get into Ken Jeong.

I mean, this title, this just jumped out. This jumped out hard. Okay, Jeong, I mean, this title, this just jumped out. This jumped out hard. Okay, yes, I noticed. Hey, guys. So I'm just calling you because I want to figure out if I'm the worst or not. So, yeah, let me know what you think. I think I might have talked up. I don't know so um my before I started dating like my boyfriend

now um we were just like talking and I didn't know if I was gonna go anywhere I also didn't care I was just like oh he's hot this is great so I have this like friend who's gay and we would hang out all the time and you know my now boyfriend would snapchat me and you know a couple of nudes are going so I would obviously show my friend and he'd be like, wow, he's hot. And I'd be like, I know, I have that. So basically I would show my date friends the tattoos. I didn't know we were going to date, but flash forward to now. We've been together for like a year.

We've been dating like officially for six months. And I tell him everything. So obviously, you know, I casually bring it up. Like, oh, yeah, like, you know my friend? Yeah, he's, like, senior dick. And he was like, I really don't know how to react to this because, like, can I be mad? Like, this was before we were dating. Also, like, the reviews were good, right?

Like, not like he was, like, wow, like, small. No, he was like, that's great. Like, I'm glad you're fucking him. So I just. I cannot even begin to describe how poorly she, like, explained that voicemail and that situation and how much of a letdown that was. I got it. That was the worst female performance I've ever heard on KFC radio. I got it.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. But it was, I mean, so the title was showed, it was showed gay friend his dick. First of all, I thought it was going to be a guy. Yeah. Be like, hey, bud, can you, like, check this out and tell me what you think of this dick? Which would have been hilarious. Yeah.

If you grab your gay buddy and it's like, hey, you're an expert with these cocks. What do you think of mine? Very funny. All right, it's a girl. Turns out it's a girl showing the gay friend pictures of the guy. We can work with that. But that whole fucking description and like this like that was terrible it was fine no it was an f minus that girl yeah right an f minus anyway uh can you i guess the

question was can can the guy be mad about it i don don't know. Is that like a violation? It's one of those things where like, I guess. Yes, I guess by books and everything I've learned about relationships and sanctity of news and stuff like that. I suppose, theoretically, he is entitled to anger. Yeah. But come on. I also, if the reviews are good, it's much like. If the reviews are good, I don't give a fuck. but if the reviews are good, I'll give a fuck. Buy a billboard in Times Square.

That's what I'm saying. It's like, you know, if you're good looking, if you're Tom Brady, it's not sexual assault. You know, it's like if your dick reviews are good from the gay guy, it doesn't matter that she violated the sanctity. I guess I could maybe. If the reviews are bad, if it's like, yo, if you find out through the grapevine that the gay friend. It's like you're talking shit on your dick. It's like, why did you, why'd you show him?

Why do I know that my dick sucks? This, this blows. That's not cool. But if the reviews are good, then I would, I would hope you would come to me and be like, yo,

I showed your cock to, uh, you know, gay Tommy. And he said, it's a hammer. I'd be like, okay.

The, I can see it altering my relationship with him though. If I was friends with him, if I'd been dating for a year, I'd be like, oh, well, now it's weird, man. You like my dick. Right, right. This is awkward. You think that gay guys, when they jerk themselves off,

get turned on by their own dick? You know? You ever think about that? I get turned on by a pussy. I get turned on by my own dick sometimes. Oh, I don't get turned on by my own dick. Not mine. Certainly not mine. Sometimes I'll look down and be like I get turned on by my own dick sometimes. Oh, I don't get turned on by my own dick. Not mine. Certainly not mine.

Sometimes I'll look down and be like, all right, we're fucking working today. Yeah. If I go like Peter North on him, I'm like, damn, boy. Yeah. You put on a show. Sometimes I'll be like, God, baby, you're hard tonight. If I get turned on by my own dick, like definitely you guys have to oh really I mean I think if it turns me on then the gays have to love it yeah I don't know if that's how it works I think

it works that way when we're talking about penises I feel like I mean I get turned down by by a pussy if I had one would I be turned on by my own I don't know that's what it's like for gay guys I mean I understand that but have... I understand the logic. I don't know. I think anyone is turned on by themselves. I think everyone is, like, deep down, like, a real narcissist. Wow. Even people who hate themselves.

But, like, I think everyone's got, like, a real sense of narcissism to them. So if gay guys have a good dick, I can see them getting turned on. If they got a shitty dick, they're like... Then they probably feel real bad They're playing this fucking World's smallest violin With one hand Jerking their little dick

Off with the other Yeah I would guess so Sure Final answer On the pictures by the way I mean You know

You know What the answer's gonna be Relatively speaking I mean I think it's actually I think it's sexist for him Or bigoted for him to get mad Cause I'll tell you what If if a girl told her friends, showed her friends my dick, and she was like, my friends were really taken aback by how good your dick is, I'd be like,

that's fucking awesome. Yeah. No one would bat an eye. So I think it's bigoted because he's only mad because he was a gay guy. You know what the answer is going to be, relatively speaking. You know if you have a good dick or a bad dick. And if you don't, you have a bad dick. Right.

If you really are juggling the question, you have a bad dick. And if you show it to the gay guy, it's like, hey, what do you think of my boyfriend's four-inch weird-colored dick? You know what the answer is going to be. Yeah. If your girlfriend's flashing your dick around, she knows answer is going to be so yeah if it's your your girlfriend's flashing your dick around she knows she knows it's good she's not she's not flexing that she's got a bad day right she's not even gonna be asking the question gonna be shown to the guy what do you think about this 96 corolla i've been riding around town

right yeah i know it's not a fucking ass class it's at least a beamer okay she's at least showing you the bmw dick so just be flattered by it don't be fucking angry class. It's at least a beamer. She's at least showing you the BMW dick. So just be flattered by it. Don't be fucking angry by it. That's it for us. Speaking of small dicks, Ken Jeong. Hey, got him. Today's interview with Kenny is brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

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How was that? Was that in Rose City, Nevada? How was that shit? Was that good? Funny. It's a funny guy. Funny comedian. Funny comedian over here. This guy's got jokes. All you guys kick out

because of all the bars you get fucking kicked out of. For being honest. For being honest. We got... I can't talk like this at a like, you know, with like

the New York Times well so it's funny that you say that we just got a call I'm talking to Ken Jeong here this idiot he'll have you believe he's smart

he was a doctor and all that shit he's an idiot we got a call a minute ago on radio and he said he works at Good Morning America yeah

wherever you were today I don't know fucking wherever you were dude and he said he was micing you up and he was was like, oh, I listen to KFC Radio. Oh, that guy? Yes, yes. And you started laughing. You were like.

He called? Yeah, he said something like. He loves you guys. Well, he was saying how he loved that you kind of busted our balls, and he said that you were like, you got to fight fire with fire with those idiots. You got to fight, yeah. So here we are. Let's fight fire with fire, you moron.

I'm going to get Ken. I'm going to switch sides with Ken, yeah. So here we are. Let's fight fire with fire, you moron. I'm going to get Ken. I'm going to swear on my side with Ken. Because I'll tell you what, this is the hottest guy in the world right now. I literally just come in peace. I just want to say this is a beautiful spread you have. You shouldn't come in peace because you really are dominating. You should be as cocky as you want to be. No, no, no.

It's an honor to be here. I especially love what you've done with the fucking place. It's got definitely smells of like misery and mashed potatoes here. What about the itchy stuff that like your parents told you never touch in the attic? We got that going, you know. That insulation that gives you like cancer. I've never seen walls lined with eczema before, you know. This is like a this place sucks.

A shithole. Yeah, it's real bad. I think that's the medical term. The last time we interviewed them, when we talked to Sirius, like, there were people actually working in the room, which was, that was even weirder for them. Right at Sirius? Remember that? There were people typing.

There was like. Just an office space. I know. It was like, literally, and we're just like, fucking pounding each other. Like, verbally, and literally. Verb like fucking pounding each other like verbally and literally. Verbally, yeah. Verbally.

And people were literally just like filing taxes. Conference calls. Itemizing. There was just a lot of weird stuff, you know, and then we're just like. Well, here we got privacy, but you're in like a, you know, as it's been described. We describe it like carcinogens. It's been described as a white person's trap house. It's been described as the inside of a lit cigarette.

So we'll add it to the list. What's that line from Horrible Voss? It's like Jason Sudeikis says, oh, my God, I feel like I'm in the mind of an asshole. That's what this is. This is like. Add it to the list. That actually is the most accurate one. That's the best line.

Very accurate. Sudeikis is a genius. We'll get to all your work. I mean, all the shit you're doing. Why are you rolling your eyes like that? Wow. Because there's so much. Have you stopped working?

I mean, yeah. You went from, as far as I can tell, in the last four months or so, you went from what people are saying is the first great romantic comedy since the 2000s. Then you are on Vampire Suck. Is that the one? Is that the one? Is that the one? Crazy Rich Asians.

Oh, Crazy Rich Asians. And then you had The Masked Singer, which I think was the largest opening and continues to trend every night it's on of a musical reality show ever. And then now you've got a Netflix special. I mean, what aren't you? You're in a fucking McDonald's commercial with J.B. Smoove. I saw that watching Duke last night, by the way. Oh, I saw your text.

We'll talk about it. We'll get to it, Ken. We're going to start, you know. That's the only thing that's going to trigger me, man. We're going to start high and we'll get low. That's the only thing that's going to trigger me, man. Oh, my God. No, you're doing good.

You're doing good. But, you know, that was, listen, you had Obama in the building, $10,000 tickets, and your fat superstar blows out his sneakers. That fat idiot. He's almost 300 pounds. Why don't you lose some weight, Zion? He's a game changer. He's a pioneer. How dare you?

What? How dare you? What steroids do you think Zion took in high school? How dare you? As a medical professional. NBA, nothing but aminos. Fuck off, guys. What steroids do you think Zion took in high school? How dare you? As a medical professional. He grew nothing but aminos. Fuck off, guys.

He grew 100 pounds in like a year and a half. How dare you? If I wanted to do that, what steroid would I take? Vitamin centrum silvers. Get over yourselves. Hey, how can I get human growth hormone? Oh, you can't. Would somebody prescribe that for me?

Would a doctor give me that? How do I go about that? With your head as fucking big as it is, no one would. I got a small head. It would be malpractice. I got a peanut head. That Cro-Magnum do that you have. It's like not even hair.

That's just like a fucking brown skull. So fucking ugly. It's a brown skull. Anyway, great to be here. A brown skull. anyway brown skull anyway great to be here i'm a brown skull you like literally spray painted your skull to look like a helmet yeah it's like a jimmy neutron kind of yeah listen just because you got your little asian comb over get out of here you want you want it You want this. You want this. How dare you? How dare you? This is, you know, these cuts were super.

All right, guys? I watched the special last night. It was all right. Dece. Dece. Dece. I do have a sincere question about the special. So, You Complete Me Ho is on Netflix now.

Yes, sir. And you were yes and you were in it's you know it's in like a an intimate club which you you know you you said that's where like the real comedy is and i agree with that the arenas and the uh you know the comedians who can really sell out places hey you know they yeah the big the big time guys yeah well i'm in an intimate club because that's where comedy is i i wanted to i. I could have sold out the $20,000. If we transcribe this, I say, thanks? Question mark? I don't know.

It's like. But so in the show, you're making fun of. Are you calling me like a guy who never took an art class because I can't draw? Is that what you're saying? How dare you? How dare you? It was my choice. In the show, you're joking around about your wife's last name of Ho.

Yeah. And then there's two or three other groups of just fans in the stands in the club with the same name. That was real. That was real? It wasn't plants. In fact, I was worried after in the very beginning when you have the Tran Ho. Actually, I talked to my producers and I was like, God, please tell me this is not a plan because I can't put this in the special. And otherwise everyone, you know, I'm going to talk to these fucking douchebags a year later and they're going to call me out on it and I don't want to deal with their bullshit. And it turned out they were – no, it was. It was. It's so funny when you said that.

Like, I would like after a special, I kind of panicked a little. Yeah. Guys, is this real? Because I can't. If it's remotely. If this is all staged by like, you know, some like club manager who's like too excited. How mad would you be? I would.

I'd be furious. I'd be furious. Yeah. Because I just didn't. I had to be. It had to be real. And then. And so, no.

But that's something we say here a lot, too. Because we're always like, reality is fun. Like, life is just hilarious. Life is funnier and wilder than planned stuff. But we do that a lot, too. We're like, is that going to seem fake? We get all the time. Like, oh, this is scripted.

I'm like, if we could script this shit, we would be like geniuses sometimes. You know? You're a big big fat head. You can't script anything. Can't. Such a dick. Everyone thinks Ken Jeong is nice. He's such a dick.

Just a little dick. Well, actually, you know what? Since everyone thinks you're nice, and before I watched your special, one of the questions I was going to have, and I'm genuine about this, do you think you're one of the most beloved, universally liked people in the world? But then I watched the special, and apparently you get Asian trolls. Asian people don't like you. Oh, yeah, the Asian joke. No, I mean, I think, I don't know, I think because I had a first career, you know.

Did you used to be something before an actor? I've never heard that 60,000 fucking times, dude. Granted, I wasn't an accountant. You remember. Jesus. You remember. My God. My God.

I was a junior accountant for the Tattaglia family or whatever the fuck that was. Not even a real Don. You know what I mean? It was horrible. It was – it was – just because I wasn't an accountant for an empty shell of a fake LLC. I think that there is all I think there will always be a part of me that no matter how deep you get in the business

I am very grateful that I can even do this for a living so I do think there's always a side of that I mean just like anybody else you get stressed out at work but I do think there's a self awareness thatness that I I really do try to kind of remind myself but um you know but yeah were you joking though that you said that

you think that there's young Asian guys who are mad at you for giving this stereotype that Asian guys have small dicks and whatnot well I do that real or you know I do think there is I mean you know and like stand-up comedy you can't't – like there's a comic for everybody. Like I'm not for everybody. Nor should any comic be for any – I always believe like there – I feel like there's a subset of people who extreme right or left that I may not be for. So I think that's kind of – and I think there are a lot of – there are – and this is me growing up as a kid. Like when you're trying to kind of discover who you are, you don't – sometimes you're bumping on like the – there's not many – there's not as many Asian-Americans. There are more now since Crazy Rich Asians, which is great because now you see like some great comics like Ali Wong, Joe Coy. You see Ronnie Chang.

You see Jimmy O. Yang. You hear like Nico Santos. I think there's more of a diversity now among Asian-American comics that whereas like maybe years ago there was only one or two. Yes. That's where you fucked up, man, because you used to be the funniest Asian. And then you opened the door for them. Now I can't make the Western Conference playoffs? Is that what you're saying?

Did I LeBron this? Am I good? There you go. That's a very good analogy. Am I trying to further my community? I pulled my groin? Is that what you're trying to say, guys? You are the LeBron of Asian comics.

How dare you? How dare you? You got that one in the holster. You were ready with that one. Don't cave, man. I came to your little hut, and then now you're treating me like this? No, I think it's um i i really think uh i i you know to me i think the more really the more the merrier you you want to have as much

you know there's so many like being on crazy rich asians like they're just so there's so much talent out there i have friends of mine who are even outside of that outside of that production there's so many talented asian american filmmakers and performers way more talented than me that, you know, that, that deserve a break. And, you know, I'm an actor first and foremost, and I want to, I would love to, to work, you know, in, in, in more, in more projects like Crazy Rich Asians, you know, I would love, because I think that will actually help me grow as, you know, as a performer where you're working with dialogue that maybe is not, by, you know, no offense, white guys. You said the more the merrier.

As soon as you said more the merrier, I was like, I could use some less white, moderately talented guys so I could kind of shine through a little bit. I could just get a couple of us to drop off. I really rise to the top. That would be perfect for me. Listen, we can pitch Ken on the same idea we pitched Kevin Hart, too, because we were talking to Kevin Hart. You know him. He's the guy who sells out the arenas.

And we said, and he was talking, I think, similar about diversity and whatnot. And I know that we feel like we're just oversaturated with white guys, but I think there's a market for two. Really? Really here at Barstated with white guys but I think there's a market for two I'm just saying there's a market for two depressed white guys who really are self-loathing assholes. I just think there's a market Kevin was intrigued. Kevin was like

he took out his phone and he was like I'm going to write that down so I'm offering it to you as well we're friends Ken. You can do this if you want We should have that where there are so many roles that have been written by white guys for. We should let minorities write roles for us. You can write two depressed white guys. Okay.

Crazy poor whites. Yeah, I could do that. Great. You should fucking see my apartment. It looks crazy poor. It's much like this place. John, John, I'm telling you. My living situation, your living situation, it's a fucking movie, let me tell you.

When you, when Masked Singer premiered, the first fucking mask was Antonio Brown, right the same day that he had, like, one of his major blow-ups, right? Right. Now, obviously, it's all filmed previously and everything, but were you guys even, like, aware of what was going on?

Did you know any of that? Yeah. I mean, was that like, holy shit? I was. I mean, I remember telling the producer, the guy who formatted the show, and I was like, oh, my God. This is like heaven sent. Yeah. Talking about plants.

It felt like it was fake. He was like, I'm the most controversial guy in sports today. Yeah. That timing was absolute. Crazy. And I wonder, because that premiere was so wildly successful, like, I do wonder if that really kind of helped out. Honestly, you know? I mean, it was.

It generated conversation. Yes. I mean, after the fact. I think the social clips, after the fact was huge. People were watching, though. I think it's a very intriguing premise, because even just people here, who I wouldn't necessarily think was, you know, tuning into a musical reality show, were, like like live tweeting it and stuff. So it had its hook.

Right. But the after effect, like the next day, like watch this clip of him being like, bow. Yeah. I think that helps. I mean. I do. I do too. That's some serendipity.

It was almost like the unscripted gods were shining upon us. Right. Anyways. Yeah. It's, it's been very surreal. That, that show is just very, it's, it's, it's not – it's unlike anything I've ever done. And like my – it's my mom's favorite show in Korea. It is like the – it's called King of Masked Singers, and it's like the most popular show in Korea.

And when they – when I was offered to be a panelist, I was kind of skeptical because I don't have any, I don't know, talent or musical, especially musical. So I wasn't really qualified. And then my mom, my mom actually said, you, you'll be making a big mistake if you don't do it. It's the hottest thing going. And then she showed me episode links and I'm like, okay, I get it. It's like, it's a little bit of American Idol, the blind audition of the voice and like, what's my line? It's like three game shows kind of mixtaped into, into one. And it kind of – I don't know, man. It's still – you still kind of – I think before the premiere, I think everyone was kind of wondering like, oh, God. You never know which way it's going to go, right? You never know which way it's going to go.

And so for the fact that – there's something to be said in general about big swings. You just go hard or you go home. I think there's something to be, and it kind of reminds me in life, just do it. Just say yes, try it out. What's good with the game shows is a lot of times it's big overseas somewhere else. At least it's kind of proven.

It's not totally blind. Exactly. I'm starting to like you right now. We've got a few minutes to go, so don't worry. Oh my god. Thank you. I'm back in the gutter of hatred. to like you right now. We've got a few minutes to go, so don't worry. Oh my God. Shut up, Dick. I feel like I'm... Thank you.

I'm back in the gutter of hatred. Good. Oh, thank you. I needed that. I was getting... I was making me uncomfortable because I was starting

to respect you and like you and it was... No, I don't want that at all. I don't want that either. No, trust me. That's what we have in common. Mutual antipathy. Antipathy means hatred.

Is that something that you think... I definitely don't know that. I could infer context clues, but I have no idea. Are the game shows something you think that comedians are scared to do? Because we had Howie Mandel in here, and he was saying he was terrified, did not want to do Deal or No Deal. Had no desire to do it.

Do you think it's because comedians just think it's too safe? Where it's like network TV, you don't know if someone like you or howie who had a career in stand-up comedy I think there's always a fear if you're a comedian in anything whether it be I mean I'll take that analogy even further if it's like a scripted show that won't allow you to be to do your to do your thing it's like it's actually like being on a on a team where you're not equipped where you're not where your skill set is not right for that for that offense or something you know so you know I I worry more about like okay can I can I be myself a little bit but I always got indications when we had meetings for mass singer I was like oh I'm I mean the way the way I'm edited I'm I'm

edited and it's not it's all accurate i'm like the dumbest guy on the show like i don't know what the hell i'm doing like when i like i literally like the second episode my wife and i and i i was like and i always tell myself they're gonna they're gonna cut out the crazier comments i said and then and then my wife and i were watching the second episode and nick canada like who do you think so and so is oh i get it. Ruth Bader Ginsburg! And it was in, and then that became an official choice. Nick Cannon goes, okay, before we go to commercial break, is it Khloe Kardashian or so-and-so

Paris Hilton? And it looks like, and they would have B-roll an image, or Ken's pick, Ruth Bader Ginsburg! So there was like an element of it, like 5% is kind of like for the idiots, or the people. That's more entertaining than I feel like it is. Yeah, they for the idiots or the people. That's more entertaining.

Yeah, it is. They're allowing myself to be me. I don't want the accurate prediction. I want the funny joke. Right, and I'm kind of providing that. When I say the poodle is dog the bounty hunter, then it's just kind of, I get it. Yeah, it is kind of fun where I'm just kind of being paid to be stupid. That's always funny, though.

And it's the biggest thing in television. Yeah, that's almost like, you know, you check it, like, is the check still clear? Because I'm just being an idiot every week. Yeah, that's kind of how I feel. So it's been this, I'm really happy for the producers that formatted that. They took a big risk in, like,

really, like, putting all their, all the cards on the table. So I'm just the happy talent on that. But the producers, uh, Craig Plessis and Izzy Picabara, they're like, they're the guys who believed in from jump. And I'm like, credit to them, man. As soon as the mics caught you, you're like, Hey, Jenny, by the way, vaccines are real. Hey, I used to be a doctor and I'm telling you from experience,

vaccines are real. You know, they were, they're good. We are all like, seriously, the behind the scenes, we could not be like, it's a lot like community where we're all like friends and got along. Every, you know, we have a, we have a text chain, like just the five. We hear this all the time. The coolest shows always have a text chain. Yeah, like literally, like we have a text chain, like all that, like we all like love

each other. Do you want to get on a text chain with us? Uh-huh. Um, you know what? I got stuff to do, guys. I would love to. Guess what? You were not actually invited. That was just a hypothetical question that-huh. You know what? I got stuff to do, guys. I would love to. Guess what? You're not actually invited.

That was just a hypothetical question that if you were to say yes, I was going to say too bad. So you're not invited to our text chain. Thank you very much. You really fucked us on that one, Gabby. We'll be right back with the insecure hoodie right there on the left. If I was a superhero, that would be my name, the insecure hoodie. The insecure hoodie. That would be me my name are you gonna look fat in this yes are you doing crazy rich crazy rich Asians too um yeah well there's a sequel

in development and I feel like you gotta be in it like you're like the godfather of the Asian guys you know like does that mean old? Does that mean old enough? How dare you? The producer's probably like, well, we've got to invite Ken. How can we do this without him, I guess? Hey, what are you, show business? We've got to invite Ken. I guess.

So fucking nice. Hey, are you making your money off of movies or TV now with Masked Singer? Where's the big money coming in? There is. You're just rich all over, aren't you? To me, honestly, to me, I'm very fortunate where I was able to just kind of – I work because I love to work, if that makes sense. Is that why you think you're so successful is because you're driven? I think I'm driven and then –

I think that's such a cop-out. I think everyone always says that. All celebrities always say that. I work hard. Don't get me wrong. You are. But you're just also way more talented than everybody else. I think driven comes secondary.

Everyone always says their drive is the first thing that got them there. I don't think it is. You could be in the gym practicing, and if you can't hit a jumper, you can't hit a jumper. You got to be talented at the sport. You're talented at being funny and acting yeah i to me i'm always just kind of um i'm in my in my head i'm always just moving forward i'm just trying to trying as soon as like here's a different phrase for driven yeah like i guess when i guess so i mean we know you have a big vocabulary apparently but what like moving forward is like a big book answer the question john fuck take the compliment god damn it

this is more on mondays i mean i don't know what this is it's like right now it is always more on monday tuesday thursday, whatever. It's an honor here to talk to the lowers of... Look, this is what I mean. You're exactly right. That's what you're doing. You're stooping down to the plebeians. You're talented and we're not. That's how we're here.

I love you guys so much. I will grace you with my presence so that a few more people watch my wildly successful shows. I don't know why you guys even do this shit. You're already rich. It's crazy. If I was rich, I would never do this stuff. Come talk to me.

Don't fucking pass. It's like the Joker where you like to watch the world burn. I just like to watch morons fucking mentally masturbate with themselves. I'm literally here. Yeah, I don't need to be here. I just like just morons babbling. You know, it's just like, you know, it's just like a psycho. It's so true.

It really is. He walks out of here and he's like, those guys got dumber. Yeah, I was just, you know. After this interview is over i'm like i'm really gonna have to check the lead conditions in your water because i really think you guys have just dumbed down eight notches since since june and i'm as i'm a little worried no but you got it it really is uh nah you guys you guys are real i love, you guys are real. I love talking to you. You guys are just real. Really dumb. So mean.

That's so mean. You think you're being nice, but you're being mean. You actually beat me to the punch. You struggle so hard. Actually, that's how smart you are. You guys are awesome. I'd rather be called real dumb than real. You actually did beat me to the punch.

I was going to. Good on you. Well, maybe I can do a special in a club with like 20 or 30 people. We'll figure that out. My choice. My choice. That was where Trancellia performed first. Just because they gave a lot of pamphlets in Pasadena and did a lot of begging.

A lot of barking out there. A lot of barking. I mean, a lot of barking. Had a big Netflix sign that I'm like, like a singular wireless, you know, just like. It's a funny special that was really good are you going to it was very very heartfelt special too

yeah because it was it was the real reason you were at the ice house was to see your wife yeah that's very true

that poor woman hey at least you brought money in there right she's already a doctor she doesn't even need that she doesn't need that well she likes to watch

Morons mumble You know like You know There's a chain She's smart We're here You're there She's up there

Yeah There is I think there's some truth to that I appreciate that I respect that It's love and pity I think that's That'd be the name

I'll take it I'll take it too I'll take it Trust me man Trust me So the special is You Complete Me Ho Ho! on Netflix. Masked Singer's on Fox.

Masked Singer's on Fox. Masked Singer's on Fox. Crazy Rich Asians 2 eventually. And I'm sure some other racist Asian movie where no white people are allowed is going to come out next. Oh, and Trebek. You met Trebek today, huh? Or yesterday was that?

That was today. Today. I mean, yeah, that's cool. He's the man. He's the fucking man. I've met him before and he's just a good... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. He's the man. He's a fucking man. Like, I've met him before, and he's just a good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's okay.

It's no big deal. Ken also won Jeopardy. Yeah, I was going to say. No, it's not that. Have you ever done it? I was on College Superstars when I was a dude. You know, I'm actually, I've never told Alex this, but I've actually, they've been offered me to do Celebrity Jeopardy, and I actually declined because I honestly didn't think I was smart enough. Well, who was on it though?

I don't know. I don't know if I were you. Andy Richter is a genius and great on that show. I think Martin McGrath, didn't he win like two or three rounds? Sugar Ray? Yeah. Wow. For real.

He's a real deal. See, that's the problem is that you, being Asian, people would expect you to be smart. And if you're not, the bar is set very high for you. So if you're dumb all of a sudden. Yeah, Mark McGrath rolls in with a soul patch. He gets one. Right.

Whereas Ken's like. And he just comes in and you're like, wow, you did so good, Mark. He goes, hey, I just want to fly. Right. Right. Like, what happened to Ken, though? He thought that like, you know. He thought it was 18th century literature.

Ken's got three equations with five variables. And literally, they're just asking, you know, it's a fart question. I don't know. He's overthinking, maybe. I don't know. Well, it was terrible, as always. Thank you for coming. No, no.

It's really. Thank you for coming. No, no. I love you guys. We'll see if you stoop to a third appearance. Yeah. Yeah. Any time you want to come back, we'll maybe consider it.

Get some fucking AC here maybe. It's just like. Shit. How is a place so cold outside? Like literally steaming. Because you know why? Yeah. Because our architects are dumber than us.

And we built. We just built. The only two radiators in the whole fucking office are in this room. That was supposed to heat the whole fucking place, and we closed it into one tiny room. What, a desktop computer? Like the heat off of a Dell? Oh, my God. That's the only radiator in the whole office.

Where you put all this dangerous wood on top of? Oh, my God. Maybe it'll burn down. We'll get out of here Yeah. Oh, my God. Maybe it'll burn down. We'll get out of here eventually. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. I need to let... Oh, God.