KFC Radio - Kevin Clancy Reacts to His Payout and the Future of Barstool New York Ft. Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Kevin Clancy has finally received the large payout he's been contractually withheld from for years; and today's solo pod with Kevin is essentially him trying to wrap his head around the sudden change in his life. Kevin also talks, in detail, about his plans for the New York office and the next business venture Barstool is going to partake in. Stoolies are 100% going to want to tune into this episode. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:13:57 When Dave took Kevin for coffee to talk about the deal 00:24:55 Being the only one who had to wait for his money 00:40:53 Barstool's next business venture 00:56:32 Feits' role in the deal 01:04:16 Whitney Cummings Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near youYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This is all to come back to people asking me, how did it, like, happen? I, you know, people said, like, did you just, like, at midnight, does the number in your bank account just change? Or do you get an alert or whatever when the money came in i didn't know my username to log in to the account It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today, flying solo. Feidelberg's out.

And this was something I was planning on doing anyway, so I figured perfect timing with John being out. I figured it was a good time to do a solo episode anyway and kind of catch people up on everything that's gone on because obviously major life changes. So if you are an OG fan, I'm sure you'll probably be interested in some of this inside Barstool stuff. If you're a new fan, maybe not so much,

or maybe you'll get caught up to speed we also have whitney cummings on the show uh on the back half one of the wildest interviews i think i've ever done to say that whitney came in hot is a gross understatement i mean she was ripping through a drink in my face we were arguing we were fighting uh it was we we talked like sex drugs and rock and roll it was it was wild so uh we love whitney she's got a million projects coming out so that's the second half of the show first half of the show um i figured i the pen stuff all happened uh a couple weeks ago and a lot of people were asking me questions about everything then and i kind of waited were asking me questions about everything then,

and I kind of waited for the dust to settle a little bit before I did anything. Originally, I was going to write a blog because that's kind of the way I made my name and still to this day what I think that I'm best at. However, I decided it was probably best to not be writing, to not be speaking about such topics in writing because I've already gotten a call from my lawyer. He calls me on Saturday morning or Sunday morning, whatever, over the weekend at some point because I have not heard anything on any front about my money and equity and anything investing. And I was just good. I was just going to leave it as it is. Let sleeping dogs lie. And I get a call on like Sunday morning, Saturday morning,

and I pick up the phone and I was like, I've been waiting for this call. And my lawyer immediately launches into basically like a standup routine, like several minutes before he gets to the punch line which was basically um you know basically saying in another lifetime next time you do this uh maybe don't go on social media and start talking about all the money you just received if you have uh a if you are a divorced person and i said touche sir touche um but at the same time this is that this is why that money was even uh possible for me because we've always just kind of been an open book here and talked about the crazy shit that uh that goes on in life it was it's weird because it started out as a show

that is um it worked because we were always honest and open books about what we were going through and it was all very very relatable because it was just regular guys going through life and that every guy and girl who goes through it as well can relate to what we're saying. And now we're getting to a point where it's not so much more relatable anymore. I'm obviously very lucky and blessed. But I'm hoping that at least there's a level of intrigue. And for the people who were along for the ride from day one, I almost hope you feel like a level of accomplishment in your own right of like, you know, when you're a fan of something from the beginning and you see it all the way through and you see it work out, I almost wish I could like, you know, pay a debt of gratitude to everybody who was that diehard because that's how it's all possible. So my point to him was like, I can't not talk about this stuff. And I probably shouldn't even be talking about this phone call either. But again, I can't not talk about it because it's interesting and it's funny. And if there's anybody else who's going through a divorce or money or, you know, equity and all that shit, you know, these are the things that go on. So yeah, me posting a video about big red boots was the, that was the one.

That's what did it. You know, people keep asking me, are things gonna be different now that this money cleared? And the obvious answer is no, okay? It's just money. Be cool about it. I'm the same old me. Nothing's gonna change. It's just money be cool about it you know i'm the same old me nothing's gonna change it's just that i got a little more money in my bank account so

everybody be cool about it all right which by the way for the legal record i didn't even buy them first of all for the legal record those shoes are three hundred dollars they go on the secondary market for like two thousand they're not like you know a million dollar purchase uh and i didn't even buy them they were just loaned to me by the by the designer so um that was very funny that you got a loaner pair of those boots so funny he was like he goes he goes like we got a like a beater pair like laying around the office I can send them to you but you got to have them back by the end of end of business today it's like let's do it so yeah my first big thing was to borrow somebody's rubber boots and that's what got my my legal counsel involved um so somehow some way i'm still

going through that process i have no idea why it's not just like here's what people are entitled to and here's the money and here's what you get and that's fucking how it goes um we'll see where that ends up but um it was like uh i did want to like just give it a minute before I said anything because it was like emotions are running high and I didn't want to say anything directly in the moment that maybe I didn't – that I wanted to take back or whatever. So I feel like I let the dust settle enough to report back that nothing has changed like it's so i i guess i haven't really done anything i'm looking for a house and there's a chance that i that i've already found one and i'll do that but i have not done a single thing different and maybe that's just like i don't know maybe i i the other day i was sitting at home i was fucking playing spider-man with keegan on playstation and i was like maybe i

should just go do something stupid maybe we should just like go spend a bunch of money and do something reckless or or you know on a whim burt kre style, go somewhere or buy something like, you know, crazy out of pocket. I guess I'm just not a good, I'm not good at having money. I think I'm a bad wealthy person. I don't think I know how to do it yet now. And, and, and I, I don't want to, uh, it's a weird thing to talk about because people get weird about money. Um, but I've seen so many people, the, the range of what people think that I got or what I'm doing or how this all shakes out is so funny. The amount of financial experts and legal experts who, who, who are like, some people think I'm, I'm not getting any money. Some people think I'm not getting any money.

Some people think I'm getting way more money than I am. It is just always funny to watch people speculate. I owned a few percent of the company, and the total number is public record. You can go do the math and figure out the ballpark of what I'll end up getting. And they did a 45%, 55% split where I get cash, 45% of it cash now, and then 55% of it is in pen stock that vests again over the next couple of years. So I thought that this day I had circled on the calendar for a long time to get what I thought was going to be everything. And I still have two more years of like vesting of them having control over

my shares um which is not a long time but i also was hoping to kind of have everything and then i have you know all my leverage and all my money and everything in a row and i could make a decision on like how and what and where i want to you know take my future but i you know so i still got to be here for a couple more years regardless. I want to be here, but there's definitely still shares vesting over the next couple of years. But it was, you know, enough money that it's a weird, it's just a weird fucking thing. It is a weird thing to be, to just like people like a lot of people ask like how does it happen do you just like have the money in your account and so i was

in classic kfc fashion i did everything at like the 11th hour like i don't know i just thought i already have a fucking bank account checking account savings account like i don't know. I just thought I already have a fucking bank account, checking account, savings account. Like, I don't know. The money is just going to go there. And I get in contact with some people at JP Morgan, and they're like, no, you idiot. You need, like, a private banking account. I was like, oh, all right. I don't know these things.

I don't fucking know how this works. Yo, I assumed it was on, like, your chase card. That's what I'm saying, right? So I didn't think it was that crazy i guess they don't teach this in school like every fucking person's gonna go through it right right and obviously you know it's not and i'm very lucky to but i i'm speaking to this guy and he's like we got to get this it was the week of it was like uh you know i think it was a a Friday that it all vested. And like we're talking about like on Tuesday, he's like, we're going to have to fast track this through so that the account will be open.

And he's like, I don't know if we're going to get it done in time. Not like there was a risk of like the money not being there, but there was definitely a chance of like you can't get your money yet, which is very funny. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. And then I fuck it up, and I can't get it in time. You came in like a month ago talking about some form, and you were worried about a form. That I still don't even know. I genuinely was like, oh, no. Because there was a clip we put out when COVID was just starting to break where you put it together in your head that that was going to stop you from getting the money and like in real time we're like i'm gonna jinx this whole

thing this whole thing's a big planet until like now i've been like worried like something was gonna go wrong part of me's a piece of shit and it was like numbers would be really oh my god imagine like podcaster like blows fortune on clerical error. We're not out of the woods yet. Oh, no. No. I think we're good. Yeah.

That was always like I never wanted to bring it up. I was always just like hold the breath. You know what it was? I am such a mush, and I am from day one with Barstool, I was very like don't touch the money. Don't get ahead of yourself. In some ways, I wish I was more like Dave. Like Dave was like I'm not going to lose. I'm going to – like he knew it I read a blog of like the state of the union from

him in like 2006 I want to say where he was like I don't know how and I don't know like who what went where why just yet but I know that gambling is going to be legalized and I know I'm like that's who I am and I'm the best at it and I'm going to get rich off this. I was like, I am super pumped to not have to work a desk job. And that has always been day, that has always been like the main thing that I got out of Barstool. Like, I mean, I've told the story a billion times, but if you're somehow a new listener, you don't know it. I was an accountant. I worked a shitty job that I hated and I was terrible at barstool fell into my lap i started to audition for it i worked both jobs for like two years on top of the first couple

years so i was like an accountant for like four years out of school and then i got lucky and could jump over to barstool that to me was like i got enough taste like four years out of school of shitty cube life i was like this is terrible and i can't four years out of school of shitty cube life. I was like, this is terrible and I can't do this. And like, what am I going to do? Because this is just how my life's going to be. So when I found a little exit strategy, I was like, cool, we're set. I can do this for life. You know, whatever the money is, the money is. And, and then as we started to grow, you know, the, the thought of having more money, uh, got, you know, more and more real. But I remember thinking like, I hope that one day we're worth tens of millions of dollars. And then Dave was like, we could maybe make this a hundred million dollar company. And I was like, Oh my God, a hundred million and then so the day that he took me for coffee in miami um because i i i found out about everything one day prior to the public like i was not on the inside of this at all i'll talk

about that in a second so he we were in miami for the super bowl and i it was also sadly right after Kobe died. And Ron Artest posted a picture of himself laying on his back with his phone kind of at his stomach, angled up at his face. And he had like a double chin and said something like, rest in peace, Kobe. And it was a very strange way to like pay tribute to Kobe. And it was kind of getting made fun of on the internet and i it looked exactly like one of those um what you see versus what what she sees you know the girl the picture of the girl where it looks like she's sucking a guy's dick and what the guy sees and so i i tweeted that like that meme and you know people didn't like it it was it was in poor taste right after Kobe's death I was making fun of Kobe, I was making fun of

Ron Artest, but it was this whole thing and Dave, like the night before, had said to me like you know, what was up with that tweet, like, you didn't really need to send that, you know, what were you what was the angle there, and I was like I don't know, like, I was making fun of

Ron Artest, that's the angle,? And I was like, I don't know. Like I was making fun of Ron and Tess. That's the angle. And he never really like, um, got in the weeds with me as far as like what I can and can't tweet. There's been things over the years where he was like, boy, you really, you know, put it on a tee for our haters to come after us with this, that, with this tweet and that tweet. But otherwise he never really, we never got down to like a granular level like that. But he, um, he was kind of like of like meh didn't love that one and i was like i don't know what are you gonna do too late now um but the next day he's like can you meet me for coffee and i was like i think i might have deleted it if you're trying to find it that might be hard to find um but i was like dude is like what am i in trouble with a teacher what's going on here like i'm gonna meet for coffee and you're gonna like chastise me or something so i went into that

meeting being like kind of ready to like defend myself and like go to battle with dave for like the billionth time uh and instead he was like so we sold the company so it went for like the billionth time. And instead, he was like, so we sold the company. So it went like the pendulum swung to the other direction. And then when he told me the number, and he told me originally it was $450,000. And I almost fell off my chair. And then we learned over the course of the deal that it could go all the way up to $650,000. So when I thought it was $450 was 450, I thought it was insane. When I thought there was a potential to be 100, I thought that was crazy.

When Chernin initially valued us at like 80 million, I was like, this is so fucking crazy. I cannot even believe it. And I was hoping to get just like, I don't know know a down payment on a house one day out of my equity or some shit like that so this is all to say that um i never ever ever like and i think people say a lot of times like never in my wildest dreams that i think that something like this could happen but i think a lot of people who get there maybe don't really say that or if they do they're kind of bullshitting because i think a lot of people who set out to do it are guys like Dave. Like,

I think Dave was like, I want to be rich and famous and I'm going to do it. Whereas I was like, I'm just fucking going through life here. And I kind of caught a good break. So I never like, you know, had plans for it.

Never. And then when the deal went down, i had to wait then i really was like something's gonna happen like you know even kirk minahan used to joke he was like something bad's gonna happen to kevin he's never he's not gonna you know he's gonna die before that money comes in or something's gonna go down with the company. And believe me, there was a lot of times along the way where, like, you know, when the whatever that fucking Twitter account was that dug up our old rundowns where we got in trouble for that, and then there was the whole incident with Dave and Willie and Brandon Newman, and, you know, a lot of personal shit goes on.

And I was like, there's a million things along the way that I thought was like, this could take down Barstool or really hurt its popularity. I thought obviously everything that went down with me, I thought was a potential career ruiner. Everything that's gone on with other people

and other events at the company could have easily knocked us off track. So I was very much like, I'm not going to – people were like, you can take out a loan against your equity and have money now. And A, that's not really true for what my situation was. And B, I didn't want to go into into debt, like as my very first thing. So I was just like, I'm going to sit here and wait. And particularly after, um,

after the whole public scandal with my marriage, I like put my head down and I was like, I'm going to wait five years. I like, that was my plan all along. I was like, I've got to get my career back on track. I got to get, you know, things with my kids back on track. I've got to, and then I don't want to make any long-term moves because my life is drastically

going to change come 2023. It's a very, very weird thing to have like an end date on your calendar in a good way, but knowing that your life will be like radically different. Because I was like, okay, I'm selling my house that I was living in while I was married. And I was like, where am I going to go now? I know in the coming years I'm going to have enough money to eventually get a really nice place but that is Absolutely, not the case right now. I've got a shit ton of legal bills. I'm not making enough money I've got to pay for the kids my own life. I was like, there's no way I can do it You know now so I went and got like a shitty old apartment

And I was like i'm just gonna stay here and grind it out and bust my ass at work uh until like the day comes. And as much as I hate to admit it, like the amount of work and the opportunities and the things that I were able to start and grow once I was single is, I mean, it's exponentially more than I would have ever been able to do if I was still married. And I don't know if that is across the board for every person or every marriage. In my case, it was very much like a tradeoff between relationship and work. And when one was thriving, the other one was suffering.

And so I was able to start a Mets podcast and start One Minute Man and start doing KFC radio more often and more seriously. And we grew the whole team. I mean, back then it was like me, my brother, John, kind of just like throwing podcasts together. And then over those five years, we formalized the whole thing. We have the team, we have a whole process. And a lot of that was because like, I was able to throw myself into work and, and, uh, have that, like that mentality. So then, you know, I live in this like shitty apartment for a few years, right on the eve of like, with a year left, I was like, all right, I'm almost there. I'll be able to get a house or whatever. I've got to move because my building sold and I lost my apartment.

So I downgraded even further where I went back to the Bronx where my family owns a couple two-family apartments. So here I am at like 37, essentially moving back in with my parents. They're giving me one of their apartments that, by the grace of God, one of the tenants happened to move out. So all of a sudden, I'm like, I can go live there for six months, and then everything will come in. So we're talking limping to the finish line, living in City Island in the Bronx. I finally posted a video of it the other day. Did you guys see the gun range video? I did see that.

That's unbelievable. That was my childhood. It's called Rodman's Neck. It's at the very last tippy-tippy-tip of the Bronx. It's where all the NYPD goes to. I think there's a gun range to learn how to use it. I think if they have any illegal ammunition that they need to fire off and all that shit. So my whole life all i ever

heard was and it was just like i was always like what's that sound and the parents were like it's the guns and i was just like what the fuck does that mean and they're like it's the police with the guns it was that and because we're like right in between laguardia right by laguardia and uh and jfk which is planes overhead all the time and fucking guns shooting all the time. And as much as I was an open book, even I was like, I'm not really going to tell everybody that I live next to the fucking NYPD gun range. Because that was for sure the poorest thing about me. So, like, down to the very last second, we were, I was roughing it. I mean, I don't want to say roughing it, but it's like, I had a good salary.

Obviously, KC Radio was doing very well. Barstool was doing very well. It's not roughing it, but it was like, you know, anybody who's divorced knows. You've got to, you're basically funding two different lives and paying bills. And, you know, that shit adds up. So it certainly was not i mean everybody knows the hyundai meltdown that was if you're if you're a kc radio fan that meltdown was one of them that was one for the record books that was a when people were like you're fucking rich why are

you driving a shitty car that was my infamous like i don't have any money and then and then i get the fucking the the the you're a millionaire crowd coming out i don't have any money i have none everybody listening probably has more money than me i give all of it to the kids i have no money i am so fucking broke do you think i would drive a hyundai if i was a millionaire, I am poor. I know you think I do. I don't. It's one of the funniest rants ever. And like when in reality, you guys are just howling, laughing. It was you had posted a whole entire tweet thread prior to that, just like chronicling what happened.

And you just text me, get the fucking cameras on. And I just had everything rolling for like fucking cameras on. And I just sat here. Get the mics ready. Had everything rolling for like 20, 30 minutes until he got in. Yeah. And was just like, John was just sitting there. We just sat in silence. And he just came in and went. And it still went. That was the.

One of the best. That was the like all of it coming out. Because when the deal went down, everybody got rich but me. And I don't even like to think about that or talk about that. I know all of the deal was public records and everyone was like – I know a lot of my friends who are either lawyers or in finance or diehard fans were reading basically all the information. And we're always – like a lot of people were reaching out being like do you like know what's going on here and i was like yep i do and i don't want to talk about it because it was basically when when the when barstool when chernan came and bought barstool

or infused money or invested however you want to call it i was like a integral part of that time. We were interviewing CEOs. I was meeting Chernin and Mike Kearns and Jesse Jacobs and all these people from their company. I was like very much a part of it. Second time around with Penn, nothing. I met Jay Snowden like once. I think I went to dinner with them once and then never really heard anything again and that was you know the whole big deal was gambling so the key employees like literally listed as key employees like a legal terminology capitalized letters was Dan Dave and Erica and so that was like basically me getting cut out of that and And I mean, that's just how it is.

It's not no more, no less. They told me it was a gambling venture, and I'm not a gambler. So they didn't view me as a necessary piece of the puzzle. Now, my counter to that is if a – I can't even think of an example, but if there was like a comedy conglomerate, if like a Netflix or Comedy Central or I don't know, somebody who was in comedy and entertainment, which is our field. If they were the ones who came along and were like, we want to buy you, you can bet your bottom dollar those other guys would have been a part of that. Because I don't gamble, I was like on the outside looking in on that deal, I think is a little weird because I think it's like a strange thing that you have to, but those, you know, Penn viewed those guys as the essential people and not me.

And I was just like, all right, whatever it is, what it is. So that was a very big part of me just being like, very, I had to be like very Zen about it. was like the three of us were the three guys doing it, and then two got instantly paid, and one was on the outside looking in, and that happened to be me. Now, I can't be too sour grapes about it because I know that my payday was coming, but even when we did the rundown the day after, Dave was like, so yeah, now you got money too. So no more bitching and complaining. I was like, well, I think there was a valid reason to maybe bitch and complain when, uh, you know, there was, I think I got like a little, I got, I got a few

shares of Penn at the very beginning. That was a nice chunk of money, but not, you know, anything that we're talking about now. So this is all a very long-winded way to say that I kept everything mentally and emotionally at arm's length down to the very last second of I didn't have any tax people ready, I didn't have any banking people ready, financial advisors, because I was just like, I don't want to fuck it up.

It's pretty silly to be superstitious about something like this, where it's like, hey, asshole, be an adult and get your ducks in a row because this is a big deal but i really you know probably psychologically that was a big part of it where i was like i don't want to uh i don't want to you know jinx it so i so this is all to come back to people asking me how how did it like happen i you know people said like did you just like at midnight does does the number in your bank account just change or do you get an alert or whatever when the money came in i didn't know my username to log in to the account

so uh i i tried using my current chase i was gonna say i got like three i could guess for you that's what i mean like i have my i have my my steady rotation of usernames and passwords but it that was not for this new like jp morgan private banking or whatever so i i had to just be like what's my user like i texted the guy, and he wrote back, the funds are in. And he wrote the number. And I was like, so that's how I found out. Was it text message from a guy who set up my username and password so he could see it? And he confirmed to me that, yes, the money is, in fact, in there.

Because I didn't even have my own fucking login yet so um but once that happens like it's it's just a weird it's a very strange thing that uh you know it's a very modern thing to go through where like i just have a an app that has a different number now you know there's not like stacks of cash it's not like uh george george mcduck uh mcscrooge what's his name george scrooge, what's his name? George McDuck diving in gold coins. It's just a number on an app with a couple of commas, which is the name of the game in life is just try to get as many commas as you can. But because I didn't ever jinx it, I never started to think, all right, I'm going to buy this, I'm going to buy that. My first move is going to be here, and then I'm going to do this, that.

And the other thing, I refused to let myself do that. I didn't want to get ahead of myself. So now here I am a couple weeks afterwards, and that's not a lot of time, I understand. But the only thing I've been doing so far is looking for a house. But everything else is just kind of business as usual, which is very strange. So the very first day was like the dog threw up in my fucking car after he kind of busted his leg. And the kids were sick, and one of them had to come home early from school and you know i'm getting chewed out from you know one

of the women in my family while the ex is saying this and work is saying that and it was just like uh nothing's fucking different guys so um i i i also have no idea what like price range i'm playing in for anything like i you basically know you know what your salary is and what you can afford and then when that all changes it's like can i spend this much can i spend that much i asked dave i was like i don't know how much money to spend on a house now dave was dave dave's dave right i was gonna say're different. I can't imagine he gave you a solid – I feel like he would have just joked back. No, no, no. He gave me an answer, but he gave an answer – like Dave was buying his Nantucket house, second homes, even before churning.

That was just when Barstool was making good revenue. He was like, I'm ready to make a big investment. I am, you know, I needed to wait to have like enough cash to really be safe. I was like, you know, what range are we talking? And he's thrown out numbers that I'm like, I could have a billion dollars. And I don't know if I would spend this much on a house. Um, and so that is going to be the very first thing I do. And that will be extremely weird.

Um, but I, you know, it's a very, uh, what I learned through this whole experience is the, you know, cause there's, there's a, there's the never ending debate of like like can money buy happiness and more money more problems and all that kind of shit and when people hear that it's very aggravating when you don't have money you're like fuck you money could absolutely buy me happiness what are you talking about and i and as i started to get more money like i can absolutely definitively say when I was making less money, when I was in like my mid twenties, I was like happier. Life was easier. I had more disposable income. Uh, and everything was just easier and more fun than when I was making more money in my thirties. Now that's also because of personal choices. I decided to get married. I decided to

have kids. I ended up with a divorce. I decided to buy a house. I did all these things that put stress on your bank account. So if I just stayed a single guy and continued to make that money, most definitely I would have been like balling out. But that's just not how life goes, right? You get more money, you get more expenses, you get more responsibility at work. So things are going well, but you also have, you know, more on your plate. And I have found that as even do in doing well, bills and expenses seem to grow at a faster rate than the money. So even when you start doing well, you know, again, if you make different life choices, you're fine. But you know, life happens and shit happens. And all of a sudden you find yourself like,

well, my salary is bigger, but also all of these things I got to pay for are a lot bigger. And if I went back to a fraction of the money, but a fraction of the responsibility, my life, dude, my life, when I had a Deloitte salary and I was just making $25,000 under the table from Barstool, I thought I was Rockefeller. I was probably making – I think I was making $65,000 at Deloitte and $25,000 at Barstool and maybe a bonus. So like upwards of like $100,000 as like a 20-something. Were you just living with a bunch of guys in an apartment? I had four dudes in an apartment. That was

the best time of my life. I've always said for me, people say college is the best four years of your life. 22 to 26 was my absolute favorite. It was post-college. We also went to a college where everybody stayed in the area. It wasn't like

all your college friends, you lose them all. We basically just continued college, but with money and with our own apartments and with no rules and work and no school work and shit so 22 to 26 was unbelievable and then you sprinkle in around 26 was when barstool started so all of a sudden we get some perks from that like that becomes you know 26 to 28 was like a whole other party so um for me like you know the money has not been the main driver of like the happiness and the fun um but what i did learn and i hate that it's this way but there just is something about the way the world works now where two things number one knowing that like they're just i'm lucky enough

that there is enough money that within reason uh we can do you know whatever we need to do like my my parents and my sister are both like looking for a house now along with me and like i can help them with that new babies being born school in the future all like just all of that it's like i'm i'm gonna spend my money in such a way that like i can make sure i handle all of that for everybody if i was like a you know it's not it's not that i'm making like billions of dollars it's just that i'm not spending it in such a way that it's going to be gone very quickly so it's like i think i'll be set for you know all of that major a wedding in the future for shea her first house keegan's first you know what all this shit hopefully i can help

them start businesses all that like if you you know play the money the way i'm hoping to play it i think that's just all there now which is a very cool feeling um and and the the second thing being there just is some status feeling of like and i hate that it's this way and i don't i don't want to sound like a douche about it but like there is just a feeling of like i think people take me more seriously i think i've gotten some more phone calls and some more opportunities i think that people look at me a different way. And it's like I said, literally nothing has changed. As of right now, I'm still living in the shitty apartment with the guns. But certain people are treating me in a different way because my name was in the news and there's some talk about money.

And so there definitely is just going to be – and I hope it's this way because just going to be, I hope it's this way because, well, I say I hope it's this way because I want to benefit from it. I want people to, you know, if I, the next steps I want to take with Barstool

and with business, I think if I did it as, you know, just a Barstool employee versus, oh, you're one of the guys who like cashed out, I think that people will treat me very differently what i don't what the reason i don't want it to be this way is like it's just a it's just a uh sad like statement on the world today

that it's just like yeah the you know again i'm the same dude but you're treating me differently why because because not even just because i told you my bank account is bigger not like i'm giving it to you not like i'm doing anything it's just like you heard through the news that my bank account is bigger and now you're treating me different uh that's you know a sad state of affairs for the world but hey that's that is the world and so there is just something of like you know you feel like you're you belong at the table or you can swim in the deep end or you know what i guess it's a lot like i used to say about um about being able to fight like i was very i always regretted my life not being able to fight uh not taking any like martial

arts or jujitsu or training mma it seems like so many kids now like growing up everybody is has been exposed to like boxing and mma not boxing but mma and jujitsu and brazilian all that shit um so it's so popular that like more people are involved in it so more people can handle themselves and know how to fight and i always wish that i could not because i would run around like picking fights and beating people up but knowing that if I was in a room where shit went down and broke down to like the absolute

most primal level of like people fighting I could handle myself I think that I would walk in to every room with a lot more confidence I would walk into every every argument I ever had any debate I was involved in any negotiation every you know bar every whatever i would be like i'm good if shit pops off i know exactly what i'm doing i think

there's a little bit of a feeling of that financially where it's like i you know it's not again i i don't want to come off the only reason i'm doing this is i i do like to be transparent about things and i think there's an intriguing side of it that I think people want to hear about I'm not doing it to like brag about it or whatever but I do think that there's a certain level of like I can just do you know I hopefully can make more things happen business-wise and more opportunities and more things and just knowing that that's case, you just kind of carry yourself a little different being like, you know, uh,

even, even the thing with Bert was very interesting. Cause it was like, it was right at the very end where Bert was taking us out. And Bert is on such another level professionally and financially. So this still holds true, but Bert was taking us out like the way like your uncle takes out like his nephews like these little kids who you know i'm going

to show them a good time and i was like two weeks away from being able to be like i could you know let me pay for dinner and let me pay for this and i can pay for that like this i don't need like this you know charity um so that like you know something like that comes along like i guess like i'm i can do those things for other people now like those kind of feelings are cool and that makes me feel more confident about like other stuff in life and hopefully what this next chapter of barstool is going to be i feel like if if barstool is serious about it and we go about it the right way i do not see how barstool fails in the world of comedy we have done we have made so many inroads at kfc radio in the comedy world that almost every comic respects us and likes us and wants to work with us and now if we formalize that and we

are and barcelona new york becomes hopefully like a hub for stand-up comics and tiktok stars and script writers and uh you know internet video creators and whatever genre of entertainment you're in um it's like we were able to do that first the first go-round we did it with blogging and a little bit of video uh and we started from fucking zero dave started from zero now we're starting on like third base with the amount of connections with the amount of money the pen backing you know if we apply everything we know about building a network of internet comedy internet entertainment and we do it in this world of stand-up comedy and podcasters and micro podcasters and tiktok creators and all that

it's just like you know barstool barstool became a force when we didn't, when social media didn't even exist. Now we have 22 million followers on Tik TOK and 15 million followers on Instagram. I can go to every up and coming comic or up and coming personality and be like, you want to get involved with us? Here's what you get immediately.

Like you get exposure like this, you get distribution like this. We can help you with production. We can help you with creativity. We can help you with creativity. We give you the production space, the literal and figurative support that you need and in exchange, you do it

under the Barstool umbrella. You're a full-time Barstool employee. You're a part-time. You're a freelancer. Revenue sharing, whatever version we come up with. You're an investor. You own equity. I mean, we know people that are at the top of the comedy game all the way down to the new open micers. We know all the podcasters and everything in between.

And now we're in a place to like, you know, we've figured out the game and we know how to do it. So let's go do it with the funniest people on the planet earth that to me sounds like a i don't want to say easy because it's like it's still hard work and a lot of breaks have to go your way and you know i've always said a million times before that the the biggest part of barstool not only is like the talent and the hard work but the amount of luck and the breaks that we got are what like got us to where we're at so we would still need a lot of that shit to fall into place to ever really replicate the success again but i just don't see you know we we've positioned

ourselves so well to go do that i don't see how it doesn't work out it it's gonna take a a commitment to like the comedy world that we haven't done yet. Like we've done it in, in sports in general, but we've done it in hockey and we've done it with golf and, uh, and the like celebrity gossip world and all that shit.

If we apply like all that same shit to the world of comedy, I, I think that, you know, will be the biggest and almost like one of the only, there's, there's a couple other comedy production houses out there

but I don't think anybody that can compete with our resources and our level so I'm hoping that that's the next chapter is we'll keep doing the content that we do but also like this kind of becoming almost like an executive

in a way where we you know are finding the talent and because as much as i i hope and i think that people some people like the content that i make i think you know to go back to the very beginning i was always planning on kind of just being like in the business world and being like a regular person so you know i got i studied in finance into my m MBA and all that shit. And not that I know anything really because of that, but I would hope to maybe apply some of the knowledge there and go back into like the business side of things where it's like, all right, here's how to leverage some new talent.

And here's, you know, how to grow an entire network that I think, you know, Dave did great the first time around and I think we can do something similar and add our own twist to it here in New York. And I think that the people who are staying are not going to Chicago, are very amped up to do it. I think as much as Dave turned this into a place, he said on the KFC radio interview

that what he did was make the office a scary place to come. And that was his goal. And he fucking achieved it. He did just that. And so there was always drama and fights and intrigue. And that's what made Barstool salacious. And people wanted to be on the inside of the club. I get all that and that

might end up being the the best entertainment we've ever created time will tell but from the inside i can definitively tell all the fans that the people who work here the amount of people who have come up to me being like i'm gonna like not being scared to come to work. I've always wanted this place to be a little more relaxed. I've said this a million times, but we can collaborate more and we can share ideas more and writers' rooms and helping production. That's the one that drives me crazy. So many good, funny minds that we keep siloed off and it's like why do we do that though the one thing that like and this probably wouldn't be in the immediate but the fact that like when we have ben schwartzen and he pointed out to us there hasn't been a true comedy out in 10 years and now

we see the fatigue with marvel like everyone's people are itching for that that type of movie yeah and like to go back to the monty pythons like judd apatow's era dominating comedies like we have the right people totally right like fans and even like start doing that again the amount of times that like like i know that i'm not a a good and we have the comedians that are funny that can fucking act. Totally. That's the thing. Like I know that I can't act, but I have certain I think premises and ideas that could either be a good skit or a good pilot or a good segment of a comedy or a sitcom or a movie scene. Then I can't do that, but I i can let me pitch that off like let

me hand that off to a guy who can do that like here's an idea run with it because you're a good writer and you know you come to me with what i'm good at and we all you know it's it's like i'm sure there are people like sitting there being like yeah what are you talking about that's like that's day one stuff but it's it's not a parcel it's it's it's it's not how we do things ever so and i i would probably imagine that there's a lot of places in in the entertainment world in hollywood that you know people don't collaborate because they want to keep their shine and their money and their star but like some places you know there definitely is a this is where you you get together and create awesome shit together, whether it's writing music or fucking scripts. Part of me – I was trying to think about the amount of people – how many people in the space are just podcasters?

Because I was thinking and me and john are just like like what's our what's our hook like i don't know we just started from the beginning and we everybody else is like they did something and now they do a podcast they had another career and now they do a podcast whereas like we just we're just podcasters you know and i think like dan and pft were that uh dave is that he's not really a podcaster but he just is like an internet personality but almost right am i am i overlooking like other other I'm trying to think. I can't remember. All the shows we like are stand-up comics.

They're professional comedians who now are like, let me start a podcast. Rogan and those guys are actors. That's what even any of the other ones. Sports people are like, I'm a former athlete. I used to play hockey. I used to play whatever. Everything I've ever listened to, it's by a former actor or writer. Someone, and they're always podcasting on the side.

Right. It's like, it's like their side gig or their, I need to stay relevant gig, or I want to stay up to date with the 21st century gig. Whereas like, it's just, that's,

this is what we do. It's like, Oh, what are you podcast about your, your, your former life? No, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no it's just like we just do this you know and i i think that's an interesting spot to be where it's like we know what people like and like i i think that when we are trying to find new talent there is we can talk to the comedians who are like hey who do you think is the next up-and-comer who's so funny and they'll give you a bunch of names but a few of those names are going to be people who are like, no, no, no, no. Those are the weird people that the comics like that fans don't like. And we know that because we're normal people. We're kind of like that gap between where it's like we have access to the world of comedy and entertainment and sports and all that while still being connected to the regular world where it's like we know what the average guy or girl is going to want to consume.

And I think that's a very valuable position to be in because some of these, it's like, oh, let's just go get this former athlete. And it's like, that's not going to work. The correct former athlete will work, a guy like Biz and Witt, you know. You go get any old superstar, that doesn't play out the right way, you know. And we know that because we've seen what works and what doesn't. And so, you know, we have an eye and an ear for that kind of shit. And now with the right people behind it and the right money behind it,

I don't see how we don't find all of the next. There's going to be a next Shane Gillis. There's going to be a new Mark Norman and Sam Murrell and those guys who, Chris DiStefano, we've seen come up through the internet. If we just have access to the next three, two, three four, five of them that come through this place could be absolutely fucking spectacular

and not to mention the amount of talent that is already just sitting here like I was watching Roan rap battle this weekend it's insane it is I've seen I've watched him do it a couple times like live on pay-per-, and I've seen all of his videos on YouTube. And like every time I watch it, I'm like, I cannot believe that that dude stands in like a warehouse surrounded by these people in a crowd and fucking spits that and stays calm.

I can't even do a live podcast without sweating. He's fucking battling people and doesn't even break a sweat. A guy like that, incredibly talented. The writing, the minds of a guy like Nick Turani, even guys like Tommy Smokes and Rudy, people who are, I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but they were bit characters along the way of the Barstool saga. And it's like, no, no, no. Those guys are fucking hilarious.

The clips that I keep seeing from Please End This crack me up. So fucking funny. And I love that they're going a different direction with the show where it's no longer a podcast. They're doing skits. Yeah, because podcasting is probably dead for these kids now. We're the dinosaurs now. There's new shit to be on. Like that video of

Tommy doing the Joker. Oh my god. One, he fucked Rudy's face off. I hate this. Ew. I don't know how I got these scars. My father was a drinker and a fiend. One night he goes off crazier than usual.

My mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not one bit So he takes the knife Looks at me laughing while he does it Why so serious? He comes at me with the knife Why so serious?

And he sticks the blade in my mouth Let's put a smile on that face And Why so serious Tommy is dude I walked by the hallway here he had a sticker of Martin Short's face

over his face and he was doing some skit with Rhea and Kelly Keegs and I was like I can't even begin to guess what the point of that was it's that weird sense of humor that like to guess what the point of that was. It's that weird sense of humor that there's already a lot of that in-house. It feels such like

a void that you need that. The way he did a fucking Nathan for you, pretty much, with Mincy. You need that brain. Totally. It's just sitting there and we've done so much of like, here, go make it on your own that you know

if you do if you give a little bit of help and and uh fair we didn't allow him to think for two years well he was alarmingly stupid back then and we cancelled his thoughts so I will allow Tommy Smokes to use his brain if he sticks around um and I hope

it's something that I have you know control over I think it's something that they have voice that they want. But it's like, do you really want it? Or do you want me to just make it look like New York is still busy? Because we can do both of those. We can either just make the appearance, keep up appearances. Or we can go become the greatest fucking comedy network that the world has ever seen. Because we are in a very unique position to do

just that and i i personally have always like i hate promoting our show i hate posting our own stuff and i love doing it for other people i would you know i would be the biggest hype man ever for if we were you know uh basically like talent manager evaluators whatever i love putting people on to new comics the my favorite thing is when people say oh i didn't i had never listened to you know chrissy d before he came on your show or something like that i'm like that is the number one thing we're trying to do so if you know they want to do it and go about it the right way like that is what i really hope the next level is and um again hopefully that opens where i'm at like you know

where i i got to personally i think opens up some more doors even even down to things like if you just if if management disagrees with me i want to be like i don't know i'll give them the fucking money they're looking for because i can guarantee you this guy or girl is going to be next and i'm not going to miss it i and i brought people forward uh over the over the course of the last like 10 years that we ended up passing on that ended up being fucking huge. And I'm like, if I was in more of a position personally to say like, okay, whatever they say, it doesn't matter. Let's do this. I think things would have been differently.

So hopefully I can help that along. And the last thing before we get to Whitney is he's not here today. So I'm happy to be able to talk about it because he'll probably never even hear this. But anybody who's been listening knows that John unfortunately missed out on so many times of so many pieces of equity or control of IP and just big paydays that he really should have been a part of. And he's always so cool about it and so calm about it. And I think that's part of who he is. But I also think deep down he's probably like, fuck, this sucks. And unfortunately, you know, I don't know.

I can't even speak to how things shook out with Barstool where he was not a part of that inner circle. I don't know why. It was just things. My opinion of him differed from others, and that's just how it goes. But unfortunately, a lot of people are making what they think is a normal assumption, like congratulations to both you guys. And he's just been cool about it every time, being like, I'm not really in on that or, like, whatever.

But I am absolutely making sure that, you know, he gets taken care of for everything he's done with KFC Radio because he and my brother were the only two other people who started it with me so those are like ground floor day one guys who you know maybe they didn't get the the nod from barstool to get equity but if if kfc radio was its own little uh conglomerate you know they have they have equity in in this show so um not in a formal way but in an informal way i'll for sure be taking care of those guys for what they did. So everybody can at least, you know, share in some of the piece of the pie because I think it should be a lot more than that. But, you know, I, I,

I would be hypocritical if I've said all these years about how certain, you know, Saturdays for the boys and certain ideas and things that, you know, he didn't get paid for and now all of a sudden there is a payday and uh i gotta make sure he's a part of that so just you don't have to say anything to john he probably will never hear this but for any fans who are deep in our world and are curious about it like i would never uh not take care of those guys for what they did to make this

possible because it's something i never even you know thought in my wildest dreams would happen and it wouldn't have happened without uh my brother and like his you know uh the ideas to start it and the all the groundwork and the technical work and all that shit he did in the beginning and it would never have happened without the uh weird fucking stories and the persona of feidelberg um so it all came together nicely it's all a very uh cool uh it was it's a cool story that i think will not really be replicated in any you know there's always going to be stories of other people in entertainment and other people who made it and came from nothing and you know have wild stories but i don't think one that will ever quite replicate just like

barstool um and i think the fans and the listeners were i mean kc radio listeners are some of the like savviest day one early adopters whatever you want to call it they've always been a part of that and i think uh if you know there is a another level of that here at barcelona new york i think they'll be a big part of of what's to come next so it's all very cool uh obviously i'm i'm the lucky one here but like i said if you were a fan in the beginning who it's always fun to like to put people on to like this podcast or this show or this personality and then when they make it it's like and i told you some moments so for all the pre-team listeners the early day one people the youtube people the mail time people and daily mail and all that shit um those like it was that word

of mouth and those people who stuck with it that you know allowed me to even even get to this level so uh a very very my deepest thank you to anybody who um helped me get here and hopefully what's next is i think a potential to be a thousand times bigger so hopefully everyone is in agreement on how to go about it we can go do some big things with uh the biggest comics and the biggest entertainers in the world and on the internet and KFC Radio can be the driving force behind everything that goes on here in New York and it's something that I think I've always wanted to do and I think we can do it now. We just all

got to get on the same page and make it happen. Again, thank you to everybody. Keep up with what's next. Barstool Comedy, Barstool New York, whatever it may be, I think it's going to be just as big as Barstool Sports has been, and I think the potential is there. So as I say that, Whitney Cummings on the show,

another comic who's a showrunner and a producer and a director and an actor and a stand-up and one of the smartest people in the world, and she came through here like a fucking bat out of hell, ripped the place apart, tore us a new asshole, and then bounced to do like the Today Show or something fucking crazy like that. So an absolute whirlwind after my little KFC Radio State of the Union. Let's get into it. So Whitney Cummings on KFC radio is brought to you by our newest endeavor pirate water i got it right here this is the perfect example of where what we are capable of doing and who we have access to we've got the guy who started saturdays are for the boys the

basically like the original internet party sensation we got the guy who who took the baton and ran with it in zillion beers dana beers and the number one party girl on the planet earth brianna chicken fry with sleep when you're dead all three of those brands come together to create pirate water which we're making no bones about it this is a party. This is for the people who like to get down, who like to party. It's cheap. It's 10% alcohol by volume. It's 16 ounces. It gets you where you need to be if you're pre-gaming, if you're tailgating, if you're brown bagging it.

Whatever it may be, this is not for – we're not sipping. We're not swirling and tasting. We're partying with pirate water. It's like for Loco but for the new generation and right now we've got a uh pirate water treasure hunt going on so basically we have a real life actual in real life treasure hunt where we're going to be at a bar in new york we're going to be dropping clues uh tonight right tuesday? Yes. The 28th, is it? Yeah. So I'll be at the bar. In order to find out where I'm going to be, you have to follow KFC Radio, Dana Beers, and PlanBree, which is Brianna's podcast account.

Those will be the three accounts putting out the clues and the hints. So Dana Beers, KFC Radio, at PlanBree. At PlanBree? That's it? PlanBree Uncut, I believe Radio, at PlanBrie. At PlanBrie, that's it? PlanBrie Uncut, I believe. PlanBrie Uncut. Those are the three you've got to follow,

and that will tell you where to go if you're in any of those cities. First come, first serve, whoever gets there. You get the Pirate Water Treasure Chest, which has merch and beverages and all sorts of stuff. And also you can come hang out and drink some new Pirate Waters with us. Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find out information and to find pirate water near you. Anybody who tweets us any pictures from the local gas station or liquor stores or wherever it's sold, if you find a pirate water stand, take a picture, send it to us, tag us. We're going to be sending out free merch, free KFC Radio Live tickets.

It's one of the biggest endeavors we've ever taken on here. So Pirate Water, it's the new party drink. Go get it. DrinkPirateWater.com. It's Whitney Cummings on KFC Radio. What's up? Not much. How's it going?

Good. Are we starting? Did we start? Yeah, we're starting. Oh, we've already started? Great jacket. Yeah, we go right now. Thank you.

I can check it off. What is – we're rolling? Yeah, we're starting. Oh, we've already started? Great jacket. Yeah, we go right in. Thank you. I can check it off. What is, we're rolling? Yeah, we're rolling. Are those your cameras? Yeah. Why do your cameras look like dicks? What kind of dicks are you seeing, Whitney? Are these ring cameras?

Like, what is happening? I often- What kind of dick looks like that? Is that a webcam? What kind of fucking operation are you running? I think these are nice cameras. Why does Portnoy spend more money on pizza than your production? What kind of fucking operation are you running? I think these are nice cameras. Why does Portnoy spend more money on pizza than your production? What kind of fucking cameras do you have?

Fucking real ones? Like big old sitcom cameras? Yeah, is that a Samsung? I don't even know what that is. By the way, you guys really have stepped it up. Last time I was here, the women's bathroom had a tire in it and motor motor oil and like KY jelly or some shit. And now you guys got lotions? Oh, really?

Did the women revolt? What happened? I was going to say, we don't have this in the men's room. I know. Look at this. We have a mess in the men's room is what we have. I got – Toilet paper everywhere.

What goes on? You're all a mess. There's hair and shit. Why are you all dressed – why do you all look like shit? Everyone in this office Everyone's wearing a hoodie. You all look like uncircumcised dicks. You look like a circumcised one. You see a lot

of dick. Everything to baby dicks. When a dick sees me, it recoils to that shape. What do you think of my shoes? Oh, are these Mario thingies? Mario Brothers shoes? Well, they're not Mario Brothers.

You say Mario, too. It's very insufferable. But you're never going to get married, O. So why are you wearing these? Because they're, you know, the hottest in the game right now. How much attention do you need, guys? All of it. As much as I do? Says the girl who runs in here,

pulls her tits out, starts talking about dicks. I didn't pull my tits out. Well, no, but you have been in the strip club, apparently. So, I have been in the strip club. You've been on a strip club kick, girl. A tour. Yeah. Did you have a plan for this? No, this is the plan. Why are you sweating? It's hot in here

and I'm wearing a sweat. I'm wearing a fucking hoodie. What is the wardrobe of this? It's just officially ho, and I'm wearing a sweat. I'm wearing a fucking hoodie. So what is the wardrobe of this? It's just officially hoodies. You're dressed like Elion Gonzalez. It's a throwback reference for old people, but goddamn, was it funny. Did you just call me an old person? Yeah, no. We're washed up in old clothes.

You probably like that. Cool them down. What's up with the WD-40? Our chairs are so old, they squeak so much. Somebody sent us a whole fucking... Who's trying to make this business happen? We'll be cutting this. Well, guess what?

We'll be cutting this. All right, whose venture is this? It's literally ours. I don't know. How's it doing? It's literally ours. I don't know. How's it doing? It's 10% alcohol by volume. It costs $2. It's in Walmart.

Is the face of your company Bill Cosby? Yeah. $2. This is going to be delicious. Oh, no. This is the worst. Sex on the beach. You mean a UTI? Have you ever had sex on the beach? I have not, no. This is the worst. Sex on the beach. You mean a UTI?

Go ahead. Take a sip. Have you ever had sex on the beach? I have not. No. Have you? I don't think I have. No.

I've had sex in parks before, but never on a beach. How many parks? Multiple. Multiple parks? Where on the park? Like on swings and stuff like that. I was in a relationship that I was hiding from my friends, and she was living with her parents, so we just had nowhere to have sex as adults. So you hid it from my friends, and she was living with her parents,

so we just had nowhere to have sex as adults. So you hid it from your friends, but not all the children that play in the park. I mean, we were doing it at midnight, 1 a.m. On a swing? It was. The swings that are like you have to put your legs in them? Mostly the one you have to spin, the spinner one. That's a tire.

That had the best. Oh. It has like handles on it. That had the best surface area, so that it. That had the best surface area. So that was where we went the most. Was this in prison? At the prison yard? When was this? This was... I had a summer place in Newport. Ah, Newport days. I was like

18. Give us a review. This is actually very good. Pirate water. Go get it now. So why isn't it doing better? It's not on sale yet. It's coming out today. It's the first day you can get it. Is that true? Yes.

3 p.m. today it goes on sale. Okay, so sorry. As someone that has, I'm sorry, built an empire, why would you hide it back here behind someone with these titties? It's been there the last couple weeks because it hasn't fully dropped yet. Now we're going to put it out here like this. There's one right here.

Oh, what's that flavor? Is this your whiskey? Yes, we have whiskey for the high-end drinker. You're Whistlepig? Yeah. How do I know about Whistlepig? Because it's the best fucking whiskey in the world. Do you want some?

In the world? You even kind of fucking didn't believe that when you said it. No, it is one of the best whiskeys on the world. Do you want some? In the world? You even kind of fucking didn't believe that when you said it. No! It is one of the best whiskeys in the world. Whistlepigs genuinely, like, buy whiskey drinkers. Alcoholics agree. When they came to us, it was like, okay, yeah. It's like

Nike wanting to be like... I'm getting two pigs this week. Do you want me to do a campaign? You would love to go to their farm. They have two pigs on their farm, Mortimer and Mauve, that are like... Where's the farm? Vermont. Okay, that's where they make Whistlepig?

Yes. Well, should I just try this one? I have to do the Drew Barrymore show in an hour. Can I just get shit-faced, please? Hell yeah. Oh, by the way, when you do... I am actually... This is our official. Sorry. The fact that I'm excited to do this, I am actually, the fact that I'm... Do this one. This is our official, sorry. The fact that I'm excited to do this,

like, I was looking forward to this. I had to do the Today Show. Today Show sucks. Kelly and Ryan. Dude, but it's also like there's no, news is over, so it's just like,

you're just, they make you... Can you go get Whitney Cups? Why are you, who drinks out of cups? What kind of pussy are you? Drink out of the bottle like a fucking man.

This is our official whiskey. I live in LA. We do fentanyl for breakfast dude everyone you don't have to get the cups that everyone in la is these are the cups i got them right here d cups baby also um do you know that in la everyone is on drugs like everyone is on drugs but they're all like they're all like sober too though right isn't it like it's like i'm cal, right? I'm California sober. I think The Weeknd says he's sober light. Yeah, you gotta stop dating influencer models. That's just your bad

choices. I don't talk to people that talk like that. it's microdosing mushrooms all day, right? Aren't you one of them? Aren't you on ketamine? No, I'm not on ketamine. I thought you microdosed ketamine. I microdosed ketamine during the pandemic. It was not

ketamine. I've never done straight ketamine. Well, when you do surgery, I think you do. I've never done straight ketamine or street ketamine. I think they're synonymous. No, I did ketamine, oxytocin, nasal spray, microdosed it with a doctor. Thank you very much.

Okay, Dr. That's how rich people do drugs. Doctor, I guess. By the way, my dealer is a doctor. It was Dr. Dre. And for depression, and it's like actually a miracle. I went off Prozac. Like, I forgive everyone.

Like, I forgive the man that molested me. Like, literally, I was like, I don't blame you. I was so cute. What choice did you have like it's a miracle but a lot are you on it now i'm no i'm not you came off it yeah good what no you do it for like twice in a month okay like the microdose you like inhale it um it was during the pandemic do you feel anything from it see that's like i can't do microdosing because i need to feel my drugs it makes you um, I want a full dose.

But it just makes you... I think, well, ketamine, if you're not microdosing it, you're paralyzed. I mean, it's like a... Yeah. But I have two friends that... Neil Brennan talks about it, that he did the drip therapy. I've never done this. You go to a doctor and they... An infusion, ketamine infusion.

And then you sit there and then you... That sounds good. I remember him talking about that. He talks about that on three mics, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember that and being like, holy shit, that is intense. Yeah, IV drugs sounds awesome.

Aren't you worried? I mean, all these comedians healing our wounds. I'm worried we're going to get less funny. I'm like, I don't want to get too healed. Yeah, I don't want to do too much. So ketamine I want to save for... My deal with drugs is... I've never done cocaine. Me neither.

Isn't that crazy? Really? Dude, like, why, I just, I'm too afraid I'll start a business. Like, I already have too much, like, making new friends. Yeah, usually when you wake up, you're like, fuck that. You know what I'm saying? I feel like I'll wake up and my lawyer will be like, all right, we just spent the 200 grand to patent your idea. You know, for the Sibian, the vegan Sibian or some shit.

So I've never done that, although I feel like that ship has sailed. In L.A., people – Well, now everyone's on Adderall, and it's like you just put your cocaine in a pill. But I was told – well, I was prescribed five milligrams of long extended release Adderall to sleep. Really? Yes, because if you actually have ADD, it calms you down. of long extended release Adderall to sleep really yes because if you actually have ADD it calms you down

you know it actually like chills you out so I'm taking extended release Adderall 5 mg for like 2 months

talked to my psychiatrist and I'm like I feel amazing like this is a game changer like and he goes it is a placebo dose 5 mg and they intentionally put nothing I was going to say 5 and extended is like game changer. And he goes, it is a placebo dose. Five milligrams.

That's nothing. I was going to say five and extended is like... But they intentionally made it a placebo dose because they knew kids would take it. Oh, really? Yeah. So taking a sugar pill changed my life. Isn't that crazy? The human mind is fucking wild. When I was in college

and everyone was lying about having ADHD just to get Adderall. I thought, wasn't it Ritalin for a minute? Ritalin was When I was in college and everyone was lying about having ADHD just to get Adderall. I thought, wasn't it Ritalin for a minute? I was, Ritalin was like when I was in middle school. And then by the time I got to college. Where'd you grow up? Massachusetts. Okay, yeah. What is it with you people?

What do you mean? In Massachusetts, everyone's on drugs. It's wild. Everyone's on drugs. Yeah, LA. Everyone's on drugs everywhere. If you're an adult, you're on drugs. Everyone on drugs here.

Everyone on drugs in this room. Well, are you? No? That's what someone on drugs everyone on drugs here everyone on drugs in this room what are you no that's what someone on drugs they're all still young they're not lying to ruin their career by the way I just went off birth control I was on it for 20 years I was on birth control and I have so much more energy because birth control it tells your body

that you're pregnant that's the reason you can't get pregnant right yeah so I can't keep weight on. It's weird. Dude, we never knew that. We've tried to. How did you think birth control worked? I thought there was something in, and this is true. This is like, I thought there was.

You know what? I know it's true because I feel like you don't lie. Like to a fault. Oh, yeah, no. He'll tell you the dumbest shit he's ever said. You should lie more. Yes, yes yes i think everyone should be honest like accept you i appreciate that thank you very much i think what's going

on in there i thought there was some kind of like hormone it released in your uterus that basically and i think because i saw this on a family guy episode oh it basically turned you know that's where everyone gets their reproductive knowledge. It was like shooting the semen. Family planning guy? Like someone just shooting the eggs? Yeah, it was like pew, pew, pew. Also, that's not what guns sound like.

Well, in the Family Guy scene, they did it. Is that what you say when you come? Do you go pew, pew, pew? Yeah. Like when you come at a girl's face? It's like pew, pew, pew. Star Wars, the laser guns. It's awful that I even think of that because I can't watch Star Wars because that pew, pew like when you come at a girl's face it's like pew pew pew it's actually awful it's awful that I even think of that because I can't watch Star Wars

because that pew pew sounds so bad but it is the most accurate sound for my penis what are you bang bang can I ask you

two questions sure number one what is why would you say you're from Massachusetts that's a sketchy thing to say

I'm from Fall River it's a smaller town yeah yeah you know it okay yeah I do I worked with Dickie Egan, writer I used to work with as a friend.

Yeah, I know Dickie Lowe. You do? Not well, but I know the Egan family. Oh, okay, yeah. What? Okay. That was weird.

Yeah. Okay, that's wild. Okay, I am looking to buy a house up there somewhere. Where? Who cares? Are you dating someone or no?

No. What's going on out there? What's going on? What's going on out there? What's going on Who cares? Are you dating someone or no? No. What's going on out there? What's going on? What's going on out there? What's going on up where? Westport where you're moving? No, dating. Dating.

What are you doing? Hinge? Oh, I don't know. I don't do any of that. John is the most like. Why are you drinking Pedialyte? I couldn't find the water, so I just grabbed this. There's one right in front of you.

I know, but I like to taste this too. I brought this earlier. That water came in later. Okay. And what's going on in the dating world? Oh, I like to taste this, too. I brought this earlier. That water came in later. Okay. And what's going on in the dating world? Drink this. Oh, I want to taste this. This one is what?

What flavor is this? This is Bahama Mama. Bahama Mama. Okay. Baby Mama. Okay. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Tastes like delicious sunscreen.

Tastes delicious. I'll take it. I'll take it remember Hawaiian Propic yeah I love this one okay now try the whiskey but wait a second this is 10%

yeah this whole thing yeah it gets you fucked up and it's like $2 no that's not bad I mean that's like you could do three or four of these

over 20 minutes there's also some sort of magical because we were like sipping it for like promos and we got like halfway through and we were both like

I'm kind of fucked up right now he gets the job done yeah that's because all you drink is Pedialyte um okay no no that's mine oh sorry hold on

can I hold on so whiskey I'm trash I'm a white trash uh person what do we do

how do you do it but do you smell it first I mean you can swirl it you drink it off my butthole we're allowed to just drink it straight you're gonna do the whole thing or sip it no I'm gonna sip it okay you I mean, you can swirl it and sip it. You drink it off my butthole? We're allowed to just drink it straight? Yeah.

You're going to do the whole thing or sip it? No, I'm going to sip it. Okay, sip it. You can do whatever you want, but I'm going to sip it. Okay. If I make a face,

it doesn't mean it's bad. It just means I'm kind of... It means it's whiskey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My eyes just walked... That is... sexual.

Whoa. That is sexual. Whoa. That is makes. So we went up to the farm, which is awesome. Oh, my God. And I don't want to text any exes. Oh, my God. We tasted like a bunch of their different styles. They have legitimate chemical chemists who do who like do all the, you know.

Alchemy? Yeah. Magic? The wizardry? Distillery and all that shit. Yeah. And so we tasted all these different ones. We're like, we like this.

We don't like that. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, no, I did. And they put it into a bottle for our 10-year anniversary. This is sick. Aged six years. Yeah. Okay.

So there's six, 10, 12, 15, like and it gets better and better. But they're like, they're very legit. So when do you drink whiskey? What does it do for you? I feel like it's a very good after work, end of day drink. Do you guys work? Is anyone here work? You know what?

As someone who is probably, you are the exception because you work like a motherfucker. But at a time where you were a comic – Why is that weird? In our business, people are like, you're a workaholic. Well, you work a lot. You work a lot. I know, but most – But I'm saying – but the amount of people who say that to us –

By the way, I work half as hard as most Americans. Oh, that's – Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a landscaper works a million times harder than me. The notion that it's not. Do you have a landscaper? Just any landscaper.

Not mine. Any landscaper at all. No, no, no, no, no. Actually, landscapers do absolutely nothing. The only work they do is send invoices for shit. Like, we water the plants. It rained. That's like your L.A. fucking fancy.

I worked landscaping one summer. I did nothing. Landscapers are criminal con artists. For rich people. But I feel like if you're like a... But I'm from like Virginia. I'm always like yeah, no, that sage doesn't cost too... It's so funny when people try to con me in LA and I always have to say to them

I'm like, why are you treating me like an LA retard? It's like mechanics, vets That's hard. But vets, here's the thing about vets. Those people can – I've dated a vet. They can con you for anything because it's like I don't know how much these things cost. But vets, they are in debt $450,000 until they're like 60.

Yeah, that's crazy. And you know that vets have a one in six rate of contemplating suicide because most people can't afford the vet care. Yeah. So it's like you get into the business to save animals' lives, but no one can afford it. That's kind of how they have you by the balls, too. It's $5,000 to save this dog's life. God damn.

I don't want it to die. Jesus. That's depressing. I mean, it ate five edible. It took my drugs. But what's going on out there? I'm curious. What are the big red flags in women?

What are women doing wrong? That's a great question. That's a great question. It's a great question. I don't really have any answers. You know that my whole deal is women should never ask women for dating advice about men, and men should never ask men about dating advice with women. Totally. So I like to ask men.

That's a great rule, by the way, because I think girls – I'm smart! I don't know i mean i i think that we're gonna look back on the dating app era as one that was like a disaster for humankind i think it's crazy hold on for who for the people who are uh going on like seven dates a week yeah like that that kind of shit is wild. But I think we are going to look back at the, uh, just women talking to a guy at a bar and then getting in his vehicle. You're right.

You're right. That's every documentary. We watched that too. It was wild. I think that's like dangerous. You would meet like a stranger. Yeah. And like,

fuck them. Like right away. When people like dating apps or stuff, you just look at a picture and like, it's like, well, it used to be worse. You walk into a bar and be like, ugly or stuff you just look at a picture and like it's like well it used to be worse you'd walk into a bar and be like

ugly ugly hot hey can I and then like I'd get in your car that was psycho that I think was more dangerous that was crazy

that's before you even had 12 drinks but don't you think guys love that that you know they don't have to spend money on a date before they are

you know what I'm saying no because I think I think that's something that happens a lot I think right now there are by a lot I don't know the exact number have to spend money on a date before they are you know what i'm saying no because i think i think that's something that happens a lot i think right now they're not by a lot i don't know the exact number but i saw a tiktok number of like girls doing the 28 days 28 days and 28 days challenge what's that it's like for valentine's day and just going on a date every single night single day they don't they're girls who don't pay for dinner they're like i just go on it's called the unemployment challenge yeah it really is though it's like girls who don't pay for dinner. They're like, I just go on dates. It's called the unemployment challenge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really is though. It's like girls who don't have money or don't want to spend money and they're like, I want to go to fancy restaurants and I don't want to pay for dinner

so rather I'll just go on a date. This guy's got to pay for me and then like blow him off or whatever. That's interesting. Where are you on, I think we have an opposite. I think that we should

always split the bill until you're together for like exclusive and then he can start. I just think it's crazy. I still always pay. I don't really care about that. I appreciate a wallet reach for fake once in a while.

I think most guys will pay. I don't think that's a big deal. I don't know. I think that I just never want to feel guilty or I want to be able I just, I think that I just never want to feel, I don't know, guilty or I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't be able to order whatever I want. Yeah. I don't,

I have never looked at a girl. I don't want to go, dude. I've got to pay. I'm like, I need like a T-bone for my dogs. I've never been like at a date and been like, Oh,

she's ordering the lobster or like, I can't believe I have to pay for this. Like, it's just, I don't know. It's just, by the way, guys are really into paying now that all women have eating disorders and only order like salads. They're like, I got it. I have to pay for this. I don't know. By the way, guys are really into paying now that all women have eating disorders

and only order salads. They're like, I got it. I got it. One smoothie, I got it. I remember I was watching Veep the other day, and Jonah Ryan says, too, he's going on a bunch of dates, and he says at the start of the date, you get an appetizer or dessert, not both.

And I was like, that's crazy. I'm sure there are some guys like that. I guarantee there are guys like that. I feel like in New York, I don't know, I just feel like the most fun date restaurants kind of aren't in New York. I feel like it's at Maggiano's, it's a Cheesecake Factory, it's like a, I don't know.

Those are the fun spots? Well, I'm just saying, all these restaurants in New York, you're just in between two other people on bad dates. It's all status shit, and it's all like, I can't hear you and there's Oh that's the worst and also like

there are people right there I can't hear you but they can hear me. But then by the way but then dude like you sit down at this timetable

and the menu is like this big and you're just like it's just like embarrassing. What's this? Have I can I tell you a date idea

that I did one time and it worked gangbusters but I wonder if you like it or hate it. You gangbanged her? It was. I was talking to a girl, and I was like, let's go on a date. Talking means texting, though, right? No, no, no. I literally went to a party to meet her so my friend could introduce us.

Okay. This was a few years ago. That doesn't happen anymore. That's called stalking, but sure. It was like the first thing we did in New York. And I was like,

let's go on a date sometime. And she was like, what do you want to do? And I said, what would be your nightmare date? And she said, ugh, a museum.

And I said, let's go to a museum. Okay, that is such a red flag. Why? A red flag that she wants to go to a museum or that I asked that question? That it would be her nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What that she wants to go to a museum? She doesn't.

Her nightmare. What's her nightmare date? A library. You are the most uncultured swine in the world. Why do guys want to date retards? I don't understand. She did work in the fashion industry. I will say that.

But I think it was... By the way, why does fashion have museums? And it's like Gucci like people are like there's a Tom Ford exhibit at MoMA it's like

what how elitist is this city no one wants to go see a bunch of clothes they can't afford the Tom Ford museum

I think that's called Neiman Marcus it's called a store yeah exactly no but his idea was like give me your what you hate the most, and I'm going to make it fun. What museum? You should have gone to like Aerospace.

We went to, no, that's in D.C. You should have gone to do Black History, dude. Black History. Holocaust Museum. Final offer. I've done Museum of Sex, but I've... What's a Museum of Sex like? Is it cool?

No, it's boring as shit. It's like a store. It's not a museum. We went through... I went to it with Asa Akira, and no one there noticed her. Nice. And I was like, this is like walking through... Also, my show, I'm the Accused, on Fox, March 7th. That's awesome. Thank you. That show is... You went with Asa Akira? That's who you went on the date with?

No, she worked for us, and we went together. Okay. And no one noticed her there, and I was like, if no one's noticing Asa Akira that's who you went on the date with no she worked for us and we went together and no one noticed her there and I was like if no one's noticing Asa Akira then they're all posers you're not really

a museum of sex well I don't think people know her face as well if she was naked they'd probably recognize her if Wade Boggs

was walking through the MLB museum who's Wade Boggs the baseball they'd recognize him it's like Ball Skag it's like if you walked through a comedy club

with fucking Whitney Cummings and they didn't know who you were. I mean, it happens. I look different every couple months. No, it's not. Get out of here. Very experimental with the lasers. Some of them are not perfected yet.

And then, so what happened with this erudite lady? It went very well. And then we never really talked again. But you did. She went to the museum. She went to the museum and we had fun. I think there's something to being like, I can make your worst nightmare, like your worst place fun. I'll say this.

She said something on the date that I was like, no. I don't know if I ever said this to you, where she she was like i keep a blog of my ex-boyfriend and just nightmare stories i was like i do that on a podcast but i'm not interested in doing it with you it's also like i keep a blog yeah yeah that's that's a uh this person's illiterate this person is a blog of my ex-boyfriend's, not a diary? Nope, a blog. She's like, my last relationship fell apart because my boyfriend hated it. I kept writing about him. And I was like, I do exactly that.

That's why that fell apart. But I can see it being pretty frustrating. But why? So was she just so beautiful that it didn't matter? No, once I heard that, I was pretty much out. So we finished the date. Did some kissing. I do think guys now,

girls too, everyone, our bar is a little more high for the cerebral part because after being in a pandemic for two years, it's like, are you worth, could I be stuck

in a studio apartment with you for two years? The judgment level is a bit high. You know what I mean? It's like, you're hot, but right. Can you play Scrabble?

You know, do your Kegels. That is, uh, I mean, I, I, I remember my,

uh, divorce lawyer telling me that marriages are for breakfast and dinner and not lunch. And that during the pandemic, having to be together that entire day, you just blew through that as if it made sense. It makes perfect sense. I'm sorry. Marriage is for breakfast and dinner.

And not lunch. Because when the world was normal, you see each other in the morning, you go to work. Got it. You come home. And that's like the right amount of time. Yes.

And a lot of marriages did not make it through the pandemic. And it's because of lunchtime. I think it's really important. My whole thing with relationships is like, I can't just hang out with you. I'm just going to... All the time. I can't get smarter if I'm not being around people that... You know what I'm saying? I have to go through other experiences to talk about it.

I'm just going to get dumber if I just do this. The amount of just when you get in a relationship and it's just a relationship and that's it. I'm bummed that I didn't think to invite you to LA for the roasts. I'm bringing the roasts back and doing bummed that i didn't think to um invite you to la for the roasts i'm bringing the roast back and doing them on only fans yeah yeah only fans tv we just did we did the roast of burke kreischer and then the roast of me which reddit motherfuckers are gonna love um and so uh yeah they are april 1st april fool's day are you you're going heavy on only fans are you like heavy on are you like invested in it or

you just think it's a good platform to be a part of? I just think like literally doing comedy right now is just like it's not hard we can say anything it's not that we can't

I'm very happy when you say that I hate that Yeah, you can't say anything more No, you can't You can't make rape jokes

No, you can't make rape jokes if you're a rapist Everyone else can because that means it's a joke You can't do it if it's true

So yeah yeah none of that is true i think actually like all this like cancel culture shit it's making comedy better than ever you know because it's like you know there's eggshells on the ground again there's tension again you know three years ago you couldn't shock anyone right everybody's heard everything yeah it was like you know trump was president he was like you know you could read like vitriol constantly you know it was like so hard to shock anyone. There's a pee tape in like the main news. So it was just like comedians were just like, Jesus, how do I get over this?

Yeah. So we had to actually – and then people like Sebastian started being someone people – because it was actually shocking to be clean. We had to kind of go the other way. So my last special on Netflix, I kind of like didn't't talk about sex a lot because it was, you know, kind of like Stormy Daniels. Like we're looking at her pussy on CNN or whatever. And so opposed to the pussies on CNN. Nailed it. I'm just saying,

just like fire all of these, like fire, like they all. Well, I love when like the text messages from everybody at Fox News leaked the other day. It was like Tucker Carlson and Hannity.

And they all were like, can you believe that our audience is like this fucking stupid? And there's texts on the other side. Like these people are performers. They're all just fucking, you know what I mean? Like they don't believe anything they're saying. I just am like Anderson Cooper. Like I'm sure he's very good at journalism,

but like no one cares that he's like a Vanderbilt. Oh, I disagree. But you disagree that he's a Vanderbilt? No, no, no. I agree. He comes from – he's a billionaire. Yeah. Whenever he comes up, I'm like Vanderbilt.

I just love saying that. But I'm just saying, like, can someone with a billion dollars really be the voice of the people? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. But the only way to do journalism is to be rich already because it doesn't pay anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way you can ever be like the voice of the people and have people know you and pay attention to you and see you and read your stuff. Yeah, it's like what I was –

By the time you get there, you're making millions of dollars or you've been through the industry, so you're corrupted. Yeah, but I also like went to – when I went to LA to like make it, I was like how are all these people... I was doing focus groups for money. I was selling. Sean Lennon, love you, was a good friend of mine from acting class, John Lennon's son. He would hang out at my house, and I would pray that he would leave clothes, because then he would leave

a Duran Duran, one-of-a-kind vintage t-shirt, and I would go sell it. Buffalo Exchange. No way! I would go sell it. Buffalo Exchange! Yeah way. I would go sell it. Buffalo Exchange. He'd be like, yeah, Buffalo Exchange, yeah. Jackie tried to bring us there recently and just failed miserably. There's a great Buffalo Exchange in Brooklyn.

When we went looking on Rodeo Drive. Okay, you are on drugs. Not Rodeo. Whatever street you took us to, there were no stores there. Jackie tried to take us shopping in LA and took us to The Gap. To do this to the Grove. But she tried to take us to... LA and took us to The Gap. She took us to The Grove.

But she tried to take us to... Jackie, please speak. What was it? What's the main shopping one in LA? It starts with an M. Melrose? Melrose. But it wasn't Melrose. There were no stores on the street, Jackie. There were. There was Buffalo Street.

That's literally like me saying what's the main... Worse. That's literally like me saying, what's the main... Worse. It's like, there's no equivalent. I mean, Melrose is literally last time I was there, I was truly attacked by a meth zombie homeless man in cut off shorts, barefoot. But there are cute parts of Melrose. No, there's not.

It was a myth. It was a myth. It was a myth by me. You're on drugs. I mean, there's like an urban outfitter. There was also a cat coffee company that I can't imagine is doing well. It was just a bunch of cats all over the place. All my friends went to the cat coffee company.

That feels like a YouTuber's venture. It was like a cafe. It was like the cat cafe. Why do you come to El- Crumbs and Whiskers. Crumbs and like a cafe. It was like the cat cafe. What was it? Crumbs and Whiskers. Crumbs and Whiskers. I don't even remember that. Oh.

Crumbs and Whiskers. Why do you guys not call me when you come and ask what to do? We did. I would tell you where to go. Yeah, all the time. You were in LA. You were in New York. When we were out there, you were here.

Oh, so you can't be like, where should we go? I'd be like, I don't understand. I feel too intimidated to text people like you. I would never text you. I'd be like, she's going to- That is pathetic. I'd be like i feel too intimidated to text people like you i would never text you i'd be like that is pathetic i'd be like she's gonna she's gonna delete my number if i text her you would have no i wouldn't what are you talking about he's cool like that i would look i only have 14 he called me i only have 1400 text messages i did call you one time yeah like you're you're you're a real one on purpose what was it about it was just like we were trying to

schedule things and you were like let's just just fucking talk it out. Can we please talk on the phone? Yeah. Why are people making me read all these fucking text messages? Talk to them, please. How do you feel about voice notes? I feel like- Do you know what you said? You know what I'm talking about?

You know what I'm talking about? When you post a Burt Kreischer April 1st OnlyFans, say again? When you, like, a voice text, you know what I mean? So it's not like a phone call, but it's like- I'm a big voice texter, but I know that it makes people feel I'm sure the audience loves that future no I am I appreciate it because

it's like having a phone call without someone talking back but I think you can't go over a minute yes I've totally even like 10 seconds yeah because a lot of people like um anyway if it's recording um the worst is when, I feel like most voice memos start with,

oh, my voice memo just deleted. They're so pissed that the good one deleted. I'm like, I gotta do it again. They're like, they think they lost like some gold. But also the problem with voice memos

is that I think the default is it says voice memo saved. Yes. You, that scares me when it's like they save it. Well, because it's like David Spade and I will be going back and forth and then voice memo and it'll say saved. I'm like, why are you saving my voice memo? The default should be off and then you have to turn it on if you want to save it.

As a matter of fact, you should be able to save it. Who wants to even save those things? Do you guys have a plan for the rest of this interview? What is up with your strip club phase? Talk to me about that. Oh, gosh. Because I feel like you've been in multiple spots over the last, like, week or two. I always – I like to go to strip clubs.

I mean, Crazy Girls is one of my favorite places in L.A. So it's not a – it's like you've been doing this for a long time? Yeah. I mean, comedians and sex workers, we're the same thing. Love sex workers. You know what I mean? They are – like, they have – out of every group of people we talk to, they are always the nicest, the funniest, the most down to earth. Yeah.

Great people. Yeah. I mean, it's just like, you know, in comedy. And they must love you. They do. Like a good looking woman with money who comes in and has fun is probably a stripper's dream. Yeah, because to me it's also, I like going to, I mean, I'm just going to say it, like no one is ever going to figure out reparations in this country. And when you go to strip clubs with black women, you're just like, here's a thousand dollars.

There's no way I can you know what I mean so it's like for me it's like the most fun thing in the world to do because it's just like I don't deserve the money I have y'all work way harder than me

you know and also just like to be able to celebrate it and I think I think that also I love going to strip clubs because I think it makes

the strippers feel good that women are there too do you know what I'm saying the most fun I've ever had at strip clubs is when I go with the girls when you go with girls yeah the strippers have more fun the girls are too. Do you know what I'm saying? The most fun I've ever had at strip clubs is when I go with girls. The strippers have more fun. The girls are having fun. It's not like a leery

like... Although a stripper did sexually assault one of my friends once where she just... John, a stripper sexually assaulted you? Many a time. How does that work? What? With me? She put a high heel up his ass. Up your ass? Yes. We were in Amsterdam with Bert.

That really feels like you had to participate strongly. I – To be fair, she didn't really get that deep in there. But it was like – You can consent to certain things and not others. Yeah, I consented to getting spanked with my belt. And then she took some liberties while my pants were down. She was like, dream liberties.

Pants were off? And then also while your mom was up. My pants were like – My bare butt was out. But do you, were you doing, are guys into being spanked? No,

but it was like someone, it was like, it was like seven or eight of us in Amsterdam and like everyone had to participate in some part of it. So, no, in a perfect world,

I don't love being spanked, but I knew. In a perfect world, that wouldn't happen. In a perfect world. That's a good name for a strip club, actually. What is your,

what is your take, I feel like guys are really into eye contact all of a sudden. It a strip club, actually. What is your take? I feel like guys are really into eye contact all of a sudden. It used to be. Okay, so these are the trends I have noticed. In what setting? Sexually. It was like 10 years ago. It was we're choking.

We're choking you. We're choking you. That one hasn't gone away. I feel like that's pretty much like built in now. No, you motherfuckers. You bitches. You don't even really choke. That's not true.

No, that's bullshit. Don't make make me act that is the biggest lie i get paid a lot of money i see that there was like one you're gonna do it do it there was like one uh tiktok or tweet or something that went viral where a girl was like you don't actually choke you just squeeze the sides and everybody said wait no no no hold on she's giving you what who it was just like a viral thing oh wait are you telling me a girl on tiktok did something dumb right and everybody all of a sudden was like yeah this is how you choke and it's like no you choke them by the way it's not they want it to be no it's not what it's a lot of people everybody it's a lot of people it's a lot of people you mean the idiots on tiktok oh yes yeah i'm saying saying everybody wants to be choked or choke. Why everybody?

Just say some people. This is what gets you guys in trouble. Well, a lot of people, though. How many? I don't know. Like, everyone I've had sex with in the last decade. Most I've come into contact with. Yeah.

And I'm the pussy about it. Where they're like, fuck, you choked me. I'm like, Jesus Christ, sorry. But a lot of times, do they say choke me? Yes. Yeah. Or they take my hand and they put it on me. they take my hand They are the ones initiating it By saying choke me?

Just having a bad personality They initiate it If we are still living in that perfect world We would get off the choking thing But then how do they initiate it? Really? And also by the way I lose my balance every time

Because I'm not Because I'm old Yes I know That's actually really a good Because I think that If you're going to choke You have to go Elbow

And then here Yeah I didn't think of that Because that's like I'm hurting We need these But that's when you really choke Because you're trying to hold

Then we'll really find out I haven't done a plank In a while guys Crush your windpipe While you're like. I haven't done a plank in a while, guys. Crush your windpipe while you're into it now. And then I, well, I dated a doctor, like a veterinarian,

and I said, like, choke me once, and he went all clinical. He just went like, and I was like, oh, hold on. Darth Vader shit. You know how to do this,

like, for real. I will close your windpipe. I meant just like a thing. That was a karate master. I know. He just went, I was like, and then. When he finished, he gave me the three-fingered punch.

And then it went to spitting in the face. That was a little early on, too. But with no warning, no. Oh, no. I only do things when asked. It's usually. I think it's when you're asked or when you've felt it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sussed out. Usually someone opens their mouth or someone says, open love that. Or when you've felt it out, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it's sussed out where it's like. Usually someone opens their mouth or someone says open your mouth. I like that. You're telling this and you go, I'm spitting it. And if you didn't want that, then don't do it. Because that's a fucking green light that's spitting it. If there's a silent opening, I'm spitting a hole. If there's a hole, it's spitting it's going in that's if there's a hole it's getting spit in that is a fact now maybe it's because i have such bad add but guys really like are into

like looking in the eyes during sex yeah it's like a lot of like look at me and i'm just like i'm texting i used to do that during blowjobs yeah but then the meme the meme that went viral do you know how hard it is you know how hard it is to look up at a guy I feel like that you would get like dizzy Sasha fucking Fierce

or whatever her name was Sasha Gray she fucked it up for everyone because she has some dislocated ass neck and she would like look in the eye it's very difficult to do

yeah also I think prolonged contact is like stop like oh you can look up and then it's hot I get it but don't look at me the whole time but also you don't want us do. Also, I think prolonged contact is like, stop. Like, oh, you can look up and then it's hot again.

Yeah, yeah, right. Don't look at me the whole time. But also, you don't want us looking up like confrontational. You want us

looking up like, oh, good. Yeah, I love this thing down my throat. Yeah, we have to have like tears.

Yeah, your makeup needs to be smeared the whole time. You don't just have like bored eyes. Roll up rolling

my eyes. Like full Liz Lemon. Full Liz Lemon. She has the best eye roll in the game. Like full Liz Lemon. Full Liz Lemon. She has the best eye roll in the game. You're so random. So do you think you want a serious relationship? Probably at some point.

That's a hard no. John's always been like, I don't think I'm going to get married. I don't think I want kids. It's not like I refuse to do it. John's always been like, I don't think I'm going to get married. I don't think I want kids. But why not? But what's wrong? But okay, but I think. It's not like I refuse to do it. It's just. There's no wives anymore. There's no wives anymore.

I actually just, not read an article. I've read a tweet. Andrew Schultz made that point with me once. And I was like, why are you dating all these chicken heads? And he's like, there's no wives anymore. Show me a wife. And I was like, damn. I don't know.

I think you'd have to go to Russia or – Well, I mean the internet did a good job of making everybody into – No, those are – not everybody. I mean a lot of people. Are you the guy that makes up fake statistics? Like 64% of people never have traveled to Italy. When you're on the internet and that's all you see, that's what you start to think is everybody. Well, because I dated an athlete.

I dated a jet. No big deal. Literally. Absolutely, girl. everybody well because i dated an athlete i dated a jet no big deal and um literally absolutely girl oh pirate water i like it it's all right um what was i saying oh yeah and uh why why oh yeah so like we were listening to something I don't remember or something about like he's like women being hoes

or whatever it is and I'm like not all women are hoes and why does this rapper only think women are hoes and he's like that's all they see yeah yeah yeah

I'm like that is such a good point that's all their existence but then the person who listens to that music thinks that's you know what I mean it's like that's all they see

but you can see normal people but you hear the rapper or the comic or whoever saying it, and you just start to believe all these things. Which comics do you guys like right now? Who are we? Shane. Shane Gillis.

Oh, my God. He's so funny. Who's like a – Have you seen Gillian Keys? Oh, yeah. Oh, he's so funny. Yeah, he's unbelievable. Thank God he didn't get SNL.

I remember when that happened, we said, like, this is one of the best things that's ever happened to you. And he was like, no, it wasn't. He was like, I'm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. And I was like, I get it. I totally get that. But now. Let me ask you a question. In the roast of Bert Kreischer, I sort of, like, for me, I'm not going to go on and, like, you know, Jim Norton's on it.

Trevor Wallace hosts it. And it's like we had the best roast writers on the planet, the best ro on the planet doing it and like for me I'm producing it you know and making and directing it so I was like I can't just come in and like throw haymakers at you know it's just like so I essentially tried to do my set as like a little bit of a State of the Union in comedy sort of about you know in general like I don't even know how to promote this you know like it used to be you would just go on like Letterman and Leno and it would be fine. Now I have to go to like six guys' garages.

I have to prank call my mom. I have to go eat chicken wings. You have to drink a bunch of drinks. With some guy named Sean. S-E-A-N. Are you doing hot ones? Like, fuck you. Dude, I didn't do hot ones like

in the beginning and now they're just like, oh, sorry, Viola Davis is on. Can we not have Viola Davis eating chicken wings? Today's LL Cool J. When black people are on there eating chicken wings, I'm just like, Jesus fucking hell, you guys. And so, and then I got to go fight with Marc Maron, you know. Yeah, for sure. It's not easy.

For two hours, he's yelling at me. But if you're willing to do it, it's the best way to get it to it. And then I say that I have to go to Barstool Sports where the main sport is trying to figure out where it even fucking airs. Fuck you. No, we go for everything. But then I sort of do this thing where I'm like, I don't know if I should cut it or not. I'm going to botch it, and I'm not going to perform it

because that'll be humiliating. You're going to botch your own bit? Your whiskey has made me confident. And I say, oh, I better be careful being a woman in comedy because so many people are getting canceled now, but the bar for getting canceled as a woman is so much lower. For a man to be canceled in Hollywood, like 12 interns have to complain about like the button under his desk that

like shuts the door behind them. And to be a woman in a comedy to cancel, you just have to like be a big fat grump. Like Ellen, like how can, how can someone. Ellen was just like mean to some interns and she's gone. But also like,

how can someone be mean to you if you're not allowed to make eye contact with them? How did you even know? But then I go like Ellen was the first person. She got me too. Like she was the first person to get canceled like just for her personality. It's got to be bad when someone's like your personality is as bad as rape. I would rather be with Harvey Weinstein than just around you for five minutes. But also, meanwhile, Lorne Michaels is

running the Sanford prison experiment that we call SNL. And he's a father figure. Like, what? Dude, Rosebud is in here today being like, I haven't gone home in months. Dude, by the way, he's still paying people $800 a week to live in New York. The hours are

8 a.m. to midnight every night. And The hours are 8 a.m. to midnight every night and then Saturday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Fucking say it, Lauren. You hate moms. Just admit it. I think Rosebud said she literally hadn't seen her husband in like six months. He had done something over in England.

Rosebud, that's my answer. Rosebud is so fucking funny. Just call the SNL what it is now. Pete Davidson's own personal love on the spectrum. But like, Lorne Michael, that's a scary... I don't want it to turn into, you know what I mean? Something. I don't want it to seem like I'm coming for...

I don't know. It's weird to think like... What? I don't know. That Lorne would get mad at you? Well, it's over. I don't know. It's just just way so I kind of like come for oh yeah and then like um what is it

I say like people think that like me too affected comedy at all like no nothing happened yeah it was like a whole bunch of hubba-baloo and then it just went back to like what it is the only thing that happened is like Aziz pretended to be humble for like two months and we all had to be like oh okay which is way more awkward than going on a date with him for like two months. And we all had to be like, oh, okay.

Which is way more awkward than going on a date with him. I was just like, oh God. I didn't even understand that. Do you know? Y'all are young. It was literally like he went on a date with her. You like asked for a blowjob.

I think that's right. And she, I think she gave him two blowjobs and he ate her out. And then she was like. No, people were literally like... They went to a restaurant. They had some wine.

They went back to his place. I was like, who is this Prince Charming? I was going to say. It's called a date. He has a place? So yeah, I think what happened there was a lot of Louis C.K. and Aziz. All that happened before Cosby. Right, the real shit.

And then Cosby happened and everyone was like uh wait a minute that's not that bad Renan Hirschberg a brilliant comedian is on the road with me a lot but is at the cellar all the time he had the funniest joke he's like I think we all owe Pee Wee Herman an apology

he went to a place he went to a movie theater wore a suit jerked off alone in the back like a gentleman. Who else did that? Someone who plays fucking Phil Dunphy's father on Modern Family. Okay, we got to go. They're telling me.

We could do this for hours. You guys, I have to go. Yeah. Get out of here. Go. I like this way of ending the interview, though. The accused on Fox. You think I can stop this runaway train?

Are you kidding me? You get accused on Fox. You think I can stop this runaway train? Are you kidding me? You get accused on Fox. I get brutally sexually assaulted. Reddit guys, you will love it. And then, I mean. Only fans roast. Only fans roast. I do have an only fans page.

Instead of dirty photos or dirty video. Dirty video. Okay, this really, this mix. Okay, one or the other I recommend mixed is wild don't worry Drew's gonna be drunker than you

who's Drew Barrymore where you're going next oh right we're literally like bungee jumping go go go

okay and then whatever we'll plug everything let's grab a picture real quick wait I'm really taking this stuff

from the bathroom. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you. Bye.